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thelostgirl21 · 3 months

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I wish there was a way to clearly say:

I'm personally comfortable being called a "woman", only because I have the sexual dimorphism typically associated with a female of the human species, and that's how other people see me as when they look at my physical appearance; nothing more.

While making 100% sure not to accidentally bring any harm to the trans community, or making it sound like one's gender identity should always match their physical appearance, when that's far from being the case.

Because, until very recently, I'd always been calling myself "a girl", or "a woman" exclusively based on how I physically look.

To me, defining myself as "a woman", has always been the equivalent of describing an external characteristic of my body that others are able to see.

- I'm a woman.

- I'm 5'7''.

- I have brown eyes.

- etc.

It's always been exactly the same to me. It's what you can physically see, not who I am.

Somehow, it's like I completely forgot to develop a sense of personal identity tied to "being a woman" while I was growing up.

I could wake up tomorrow with a body that has the sexual dimorphism of a male of my species instead, have everyone call me a man and suddenly have to live my life as one, and I'd have only ONE problem with it.

Just the one.

My partner is a heterosexual man, so that would be a challenge.

But otherwise, I think I'd just be really curious to explore the physiological differences between my prior body and my new body, and then move on with my life without changing a single thing to the things I like, my behavior in general, personal interests, probably the way I like to dress, too, etc.

I'd just be "looking more masculine" while doing it.

It would be like having blonde short hair instead of my current brown long hair.

The rest of the world would treat me differently as a man, sure! But that wouldn't reflect how I identify or feel inside about who I am.

Just how others now see me as and choose to socially treat me.

My gender, to me, is something that's always existed outside of myself.

I have no personal use for it, nor is it a part of my personality.

I guess I've often been gender-non-conforming, too, not because I was attempting to rebel against my own gender, felt a need to distance myself from the binary, or anything... But just because I've never seen the point of it.

I've had boyfriends telling me that it was like I wanted to be the "man in the relationship", and being upset that I wasn't letting them play their role at times (that hasn't really been an issue with women, oddly enough); and I broke up with them without looking back, because what the fuck was that even supposed to mean?

I wasn't trying to behave like a man or a woman, I was just being myself, and adopting the social roles and behaviors I'm comfortable with. If you can't love me as I am, then what am I supposed to do?

Younger, I've had little boys back at school telling me that "it was weird for a girl to like certain things or express herself a certain way", and my response has always pretty much been to shrug, go "guess I'm a weird girl then", and then continue doing things my way.

(Yes, I'm aware that I've been very privileged to live in a world where I've merely been occasionally bullied or suffered verbal micro-agressions for ignoring the social standards set for "little girls"... Then again, I've probably embraced some of them!

I loved playing with my "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe set", or walking around with a lightsaber pretending to be Luke Skywalker... But I was cool with "My Little Poney" (the originals) and "Rainbow Bright", too!

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be "non-conforming", I just liked whatever I liked!

I was also lucky enough that my parents fully allowed me to go for what I enjoyed in terms of toys, games, activities, playmates, etc., regardless of gender.

And my physical appearance as a child occasionally had people mistaking me for a boy. So, perhaps, the other adults that saw me behave as one in public assumed I was one, and thus put less pressure on me to behave in a way that would have been deemed more "feminine" than "masculine".

By the point I really started looking more "feminine" (like I do now), I guess I'd moved past caring about it, and/or had reached a point where it made no sense to me that it would suddenly have been upsetting that I occasionally behaved "as a boy" or enjoyed "boy things" now when, until then, it had always been perfectly fine and well accepted that I did!

I guess there's something to be said about the influence of early socialisation, and how adults in the social environment of a child respond to a young child's gender, in the level of importance they might instinctively give to it later on.)

Like, I'm pretty sure that, if I were to ask you to determine my gender based on my looks alone (while fully giving you permission to do it), especially when I'm performing on stage wearing makeup, you'd go "you're a woman!" with a fair level of confidence!

But that's just it! To me that's just the way I look. A stylistic choice based on the way my body chose to develop, if you will.

What drives me nuts, though, is that I have zero problem empathizing with the trans community and their need to express their own gender identity, because I know what it feels like to need to be seen and respected as one's authentic self!

You tell me you identify as a woman, a man, agender, genderfae, etc., and/or feel a need to express it? Be yourself, and rock that gender! It is who you are, and it is your right to own it!

The fact that I feel like I don't have any particular use or need for gender doesn't mean that it can't be important for others, and that they don't have a use or need for it themselves.

Just because I don't intimately understand it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that I can't support, and actively advocate for proper gender recognition and respect in schools and other public places.

I "get it" without "getting it", if you will.

The problem, however, is that I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea that, if I identify as a "woman", people will assume that it means more to me than "I physically look female".

That it will be assumed that I emotionally and psychologically connect with my gender, and feel a need to express it, or a sense of attachment and belonging to the woman gender.

After having called the way my physical body "looks" to others on the outside "being a woman" for decades, it's hard for me to suddenly go "being a woman is not the same as passing for a woman, it's about the gender you identify with inside..." and stop calling myself a woman, because I feel like I've no gender identity inside of myself.

But "agender" doesn't quite feel right to me, either, because I'd never had any problem with the idea of being a woman, until I learned that I was supposed to give a damn about being a woman, and personally connect with my gender, that is.

And "gender non-conforming" doesn't sound quite right, either, because I'm not trying to avoid conforming to the woman gender, or expressing a different gender than the one that was assigned to me at birth.

They basically gave me a gender based on my genitalia when I was born, and I went "Yeah, sure! I guess I can look the part... Why not?"; while ignoring the whole social instructions booklet and guidelines that went with it.

So lately, every time someone has asked me what my gender is, or what gender I identify with, I've had a tendency to freeze, panic, and mentally go:

Like the idea of my having a gender makes no internal sense to me. It's not something I can relate to, "vibe with", or identify with.

Is there a way to respectfully say "I'm calling myself a woman for convenience's sake, because that's the gender traditionally associated with the way I look, and I'm okay with having grown into a feminine appearance by default? But please, don't assume it means anything to me beyond that, or expect me to behave, dress, or do anything according to the woman gender."

I've been using "gender apathetic" in an attempt to convey it, but is that really what it means, and how most people understand it?

Basically, I feel like my answers to these questions would be:

- What physical look do you most resemble? Woman / feminine / female.

- What gender do you identify with? None.

- Do you feel comfortable being called a woman, and her / she pronouns, based on the way you look? Yes.

How do you freaking call or define that?

Non-internalized cisgenderism?

#Gender theory #Non-internalized gender issues #Gender apathetic #Agender #Transgender #My posts #My thoughts #My very very confused thoughts re: whatever my gender identity is meant to be!#Hopefully none of what I've written will be perceived as dismissive or offensive.#I'm genuinely trying to figure out where I stand or fit in all of this...#Personal

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80yearoldmanmoodboard · 17 days

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How does Davy go about coming out about his gender in the glam au? 👀

Boy am I glad you asked! So first I wanna talk about how he realizes he’s genderqueer which all comes from Micky convincing him to do the Glam Rock fits for a show.

Davy does the sorta androgynous glam rock stuff, he gets his makeup done, and he assumes that everyone feels a little euphoric when they get their makeup done and put on nice clothes. He didn’t think anything of it until he talks about how he understands why girls will go out and pamper themselves because when he feels like such a pretty princess when he’s all dolled up. Micky and Mike sorta laugh off his phrasing at first assuming he was joking about enjoying feeling like a pretty princess but after making enough comments like that Mike decides to take him aside and ask him about what he really means by that. In that moment Davy realizes it’s not actually normal for guys to want to be a pretty princess and he sorta spirals for a bit having lived so much of his life under the assumption that EVERYONE felt like they had to choose to dress in their assigned gender and that everyone guy had to make a conscious effort to not act in traditionally feminine ways. He tried at first to assign this difference to his sexuality but eventually realizes it really is his gender that’s causing this feeling. Davy doesn’t come out in like a straight forward way, mostly because he isn’t confident that he’s actually right and not misidentifying whats going on, and instead just asks if they think it’d be a good look for the band if he started wearing more feminine costumes too. His friends sorta get what’s happening because they’ve seen and talked to Davy about his gender crisis a lot over the years but Davy credits his coming out as when he first preformed in a feminine costume and felt this insane build up of euphoria during the show and then backstage told Micky and Mike that he thinks he’ll keep doing this even off the stage (this being dressing feminine) and this results in Davy being accidental publicity because news in the late 70s is really curious as to why this guy is so casually wearing “girl clothes” out in public.

Davy’s public image when they started blowing up is that he’s one of those gender non conforming men in rock (like David Bowie style) and while the public doesn’t know about him being genderqueer they are very aware of him being a gender non conforming glam rocker. Mike and Micky are very supportive of his dressing however he wants even though they tend to save the glam stuff for the stage and during big public appearances (Davy is the only one of them that will occasionally wear makeup just out and about but usually only on days where he’s very feminine and/or feeling dysphoric about looking masculine.) Davy doesn’t really have a word to describe what his gender is but he does try to explain to Mike and Micky that it’s not just how he dresses it’s like how he is. Davys really open to Mike and Micky about his gender but always tries to act macho when he’s doing interviews and making appearances because he’s really nervous about what’ll happen if any of this gets out.

One of the first things Peter asks Davy about when they’re back on speaking terms is the way he dresses and Davy at first just snaps at him (because he still doesn’t really feel like he can trust Peter again yet) but the turning point of their relationship is represented by Davy coming out to Peter (who spent most of his time away from them on the queer scene in New York so he ends up understanding what Davy means a lot faster than Mike and Micky did)

#the monkees #Glamiverse AU #gender queer Davy #clearly I have a lot of thoughts about this AU lol

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being-kindrad · 4 months

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Q&A Panel with seven detransitioners, 2023, transcribed

youtube

The following is a transcript of the first ever Q&A panel discussion with seven detransitioners filmed on Detrans Awareness Day 2023. Seven detransitioners speak publicly and answer questions from the audience at a film screening of the documentary No Way Back: The Realities of Gender Affirming Care.

The panel discusses the medical ethics of the gender affirmation model of care for gender dysphoria, and the untold harm personally endured by detransitioners Chloe Cole, Laura Becker, Luka Hein, Estella Suarez-Hamilton, Brian Wagner, Rachel, and Shape Shifter.

The panel answers questions from concerned parents about the relationship between gender distress, social contagion, trauma, and familial relationships, and panelists give advice about maintaining and repairing relationships with children and loved ones who are experiencing identity issues.

View the panel recording here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyJGijjI2JU

Transcript after the break.

Panel moderator: How do you guys feel? Had you not seen [the documentary] before? Did it bring up any feelings for you guys?

Estella (female detransitioner): It brought up a lot of feelings for me. I medically detransitioned this past year and I was still maintaining my social transition, clinging on to that, and kind of hearing about the process of other detransitioners and even speaking to some people who are here today, learning how much commonalities we have with this journey. It makes you realize that “oh, well, maybe this is rare, but maybe this is not so rare as they're saying.” Especially when it comes to medical consequences. I can speak for myself with some of the effects that testosterone has had on my body—it's menopause, it's going through menopause at nineteen. And when your body's not ready for that. And there was like a list of that, the incontinence, not being able to hold your bladder, not being able to sleep because of heat flashes that are painful. It's ridiculous, thinking that a teenager should go through that, when they're just at the cusp of adulthood, so it brought up a lot of emotion realizing that I wasn't alone in a lot of that. I know that I had a conversation with Chloe earlier this year about heat flashes and that was the first time that I had spoken to anybody about the itchiness and the uncomfortableness at night and realizing that wasn't just me, you know, and that's what you hear a lot, a lot of people being like “oh, well it's just you, I guess it just didn't work out for you.” It's like, it's not just me, you know, this is something that could happen and it's exhausting. So, yeah.

Panel moderator: Can we just go down the line really quick and introduce, you guys can introduce yourself, so we know who you are and then we'll open it up for questions.

Shape (male detransitioner): Hi, I'm Shape. I'm a male detransitioner, gender non-conforming. You guys may know me from YouTube or Twitter, so this was pretty powerful, also triggering, but powerful.

Rachel (female detransitioner): I'm Rachel. I transitioned when I was like 25, lived as a “man” for like seven years, realized “oh I don't need to do this and I'm running away from other things,” so I went back to living as a woman, more or less, a year ago, and just kind of opened my eyes to kind of like the whole gaslighting of this “trans marketing” like it's you know they—well not to get too far into it, but the whole thing is weaponizing empathy to make people believe that “oh you have to affirm these kids that's the nice thing to do,” but long term, well, I think you guys know.

Brian (male detransitioner): Good afternoon, my name is Brian Wagner. In my early 20s, I had substance use disorders and mental health issues. I transitioned from male to female, I lived my life as a transgender woman for close to 10 years, I detransitioned upon sobering up and getting to see a psychologist that was not an activist. The most powerful part of this documentary for me personally was when it talked about Jung's “Shadow Self,” because I think for a lot of society and especially the trans rights movement, detransition is a reality that they're not ready to see or face or accept quite yet, so thank you.

Estella (female detransitioner): My name is Estella Suarez Hamilton. I gave an introduction already so…

Luka (female detransitioner): My name is Luka Hein and I transitioned as a minor at 16 and de-transitioned around six months ago when I was 20.

Laura (female detransitioner): Hey everyone. My name is Laura Becker. I was in the documentary. My hair was looking a little messed up at the time, I had dyed it too many home dyes, pink—thank you—for a little while it was—so yeah, some of you may know me from Twitter, Funk God artist, and I designed some of the Detrans Awareness hats and shirts that some people might be wearing so that's what you may know me from.

Chloe (female detransitioner): I'm Chloe Cole and I'm somebody who also transitioned as a minor between the ages of 12 to 16. And I've been speaking out about my experience for not much longer than a year now, since I was 17.

Shape: I guess I should tell a little more about my story since everybody has. I transitioned in my early 20s as well, the first time I ever got any kind of mental health help was when I went to Fenway House in Boston and they completely ignored my internalized homophobia, other comorbidities, and affirmed me, like there was no pushback. I got on estrogen pretty easily, but my mental health declined after that, but I attributed it to being in a “wrong body,” so unfortunately I got cleared for the sex assignment surgery. That deteriorated my mental health even further. I have complications after multiple revisions. I have urinary tract infections every month, that's why I was going to the bathroom like a million times. I am unable to have sex, I have osteoporosis, I haven't been able to get any help really from endocrinologists or even surgeons to reverse this. This is all one giant experiment I fell into when I was very vulnerable and not in a good emotional place. I definitely got sold lies and “hardware fixes” for my “software issues” that actually never went away. And my biggest push for transition was internalized homophobia, I just didn't want to be gay, because I was brainwashed from very young age that gay is bad and sinful, so the minute I realized I could escape my homosexuality, I latched onto the idea that I'm a woman, but I realized that none of those transitions solved any of my mental issues, in fact it made it worse, thank you

Panel moderator: Okay, does anybody have a question?

Audience member: Hi. Thank you all for being here, you're all very brave, and I probably follow mostly on Twitter or something. I think like a lot of parents whose kid is in this ideology, fortunately, my daughter so far has not said she wants to medicalize, but I can see just socially things sort of upping, which scares the hell out of me, because she'll be 18 next year, so I'm wondering if you guys had seen this documentary when you were 17 would it influence you [several panelists shake their head no] or is there anything that you would say to somebody at 17 who's in the grip that you like would help them like, you know, for body acceptance or whatever it would be, I would love to hear.

Estella: Yes, if I saw this documentary it would have made a difference. There are some people that are stubborn and very hard-headed and I was one of them, especially when you're 19, you think you know everything. If somebody says “oh you're gonna get menopause,” “oh I don't care,” you know, because you don't know what that means. The more information people get I think from first-hand, it makes a difference. I remember—and I said this prior to when we sat down—I didn't get top surgery. I was on testosterone for over seven years, and I was socially trans before that, and then a little bit after that, but I never went for top surgery. Specifically I can remember I watched a testimony of somebody who was transgender, they were a transman, so they were a female, and explaining that they had done all this surgery, and all this hormones, and everything, and it still—they were feeling like it wasn't resolving anything. And I remember he was this big buff bodybuilding guy and I was thinking “oh he's so beautiful I want to be like that” and he was like “don't do it, it will not fix your dysphoria” and so that gave me enough to just hold back, hold back. When I came to Los Angeles, there was no gatekeeping. I went to a very popular trans clinic down the street from here, and I was new in town. It was my first time going and talking to them, and they had an interview with me and like a car dealership, you get a packet of papers and you're good to go, like they have everything. But because I had seen the testimony, I thought “well let me just give myself some more time to think,” and the more you read about long-term and the more you talk about these surgeries and how they affect you in the end, the more you realize “well this is maybe not the most creative solution and this is probably not the most healthy solution,” so that's—I think it would make a difference, I think that absolutely this this film is a snapshot into history, and a good opportunity for people to get a different perspective. Especially because it's going from a leftist view too, so it's very nice to be able to digest that.

Brian: When I first transitioned, or started to, I specifically remember I saw the testimony of a man named Walter Heyer, he's an elderly man who I believe did in fact have the vaginoplasty and it didn't stop me. Thankfully, I never had that done, but I was well aware of it. But I was in a very delusional and ideological mindset, so I really don't think seeing this would have stopped me, I really don't. But I would have just told my former self to be careful what you wish for and don't rush into anything, because changing your gender it's not like you know, shaving your head, or you know, something like that, it's very difficult to undo and the further you go, the harder and harder…

Rachel: One thing for me, in female social circles, I definitely felt like I got “cool points” for it and I was already in my 20s, and it's got to be ten times that when you're in high school, so I feel like almost anything you would say would just fuel it even more, because it's like “oh this is something you're not allowed to do,” and it's kind of risky, so that's more exciting. And I don't know if this would help, but one of the biggest reasons I detransitioned was because I realized I felt affirmed in my identity as a “man” when I was with my female friend group, but then as you get more and more masculine, they don't see you as a woman anymore, and your brain does literally change, like there is something different with the hormones, so any kind of feelings of belonging she gets like within her current social circle, just basically imagine losing all those female friend groups, because once you look like a man, it doesn't really work the same. So like I don't know, I'm not really even sure how to explain that to a kid, but like “would you do this if you were completely alone by yourself without the affirmation of all your friends?” And she'd probably say “yeah sure I would,” but people tend to socialize in gendered groups, so just imagine if she can't socialize with her current friends, because of the way that they see her as, like, a man, later on. I don’t know how better to describe that.

Chloe: So, I'm 18 now, I'm a legal adult and as many of you know, I travel around the country talking about this subject. And there's still a lot of things that I can't do legally, like I still can't buy marijuana, or nicotine products, or alcohol. I can't rent a car. I can't even rent a hotel room. Because I'm under the age of 21. And yet, at 13, I was allowed to make the decision to change my sex. But I really don't think that 18 is just some magical age where all of a sudden you're capable of, maybe legally doing something, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you really fully understand what you're doing. I mean, the estimate right now is that most people's brain development finishes at around the age of 25, and it's probably much later for a lot of other people. But brain development aside, there's still a lot of things that people at the age of 18, at the age of 25, and even beyond, don't know about the world. When you're young, you don't really have a lot of knowledge or experience having to do with the world, and I was lucky to find out that I wanted to have kids at the age of 16, and to stop transitioning then, but not a lot of women figure that out until much later now.

Luka: I think particularly when you have a child going into this and you're worried about them heading down the path of medicalization, every situation is different, but presenting a different perspective, I feel like, couldn't hurt. They may not listen, because young people tend to be rather stubborn, but it couldn't hurt. And you know your kid doesn't stop being your child when they reach 18. You still need to be there, and let your concerns be known, with care, and compassion, and a genuine concern for their health and well-being. Keeping that line of communication open, to be that safe adult for your child, even when your child is an adult, is something that young adults still need, everyone needs, to a certain extent. And there's gonna be young people who maybe didn't transition and they reach 18, and rush into stuff, but I don't think it's acceptable to give up on them just because they maybe won't listen or they're hard-headed. If anything, that's when you need to be more compassionate and really keep that line of communication open, because they deserve for you to keep trying.

Laura: Yes, so I think that this documentary definitely would have impacted my perceptions, because although I had a lot of magical thinking, was naive, very stubborn, I was also very overwhelmed and we all started to know the kind of common wisdom “kids need structure.” Everyone needs structure, we need to order chaos, because things are very overwhelming. And I was overwhelmed, that's a lot of what passive suicidal ideation is—just being overwhelmed and your brain goes to this solution, this fantasy solution of escape, so it can deal with it at that moment, and transition is very similar, the transition fantasy. So I think I really was hungering to be helped. I was very alone, from peers and family, and I really wanted a safe adult to really sit down with me and listen to everything, and tell me that they knew how to help. Not in a pushy way, or in a controlling way, but in a way that allowed me to feel like myself, and I just never really got that, because my parents, by the point when I was 19, when I transitioned, they were exhausted, and they were not very equipped to deal with it, and there was some abuse as well, to me, psychologically. So they just kind of did emotionally sort of “give up,” and because I was so stubborn, they said “okay.” And the thing is you know, you just kind of get used to people not seemingly really understanding you, you know. Teachers didn't understand, therapists just—low quality, low, shallow, shallow understanding and so they'll say “yeah you're valid” or like “sure you can, are you sure you want to do it? Yeah okay, you know, maybe it'll help, because you're already so f-cked up, you're already so mentally ill anyway,” so they were very desperate too, my parents. But I was suicidal and had unprocessed trauma—PTSD—so, definitely keeping that connection, I know it's very difficult, but still listening and still being there, and not giving up is this inevitable outcome that “this person is just going to be messed up and they're disabled and they're mentally ill and that's their identity” and trying not to see your child as broken, because I saw myself as a broken human being that didn't deserve love or was capable of achieving happiness, so of course you're going to go to desperate measures, like surgical interventions. So I would say this documentary would have really been a relief to me, because it just provided so many calming, intelligent, rational adults that are experts in the field, they know what they're talking about. It just would have relieved my existential anxiety and overwhelm to know that there is an alternative because I thought that there wasn't. I thought it was either “I'm inevitably going to kill myself and I don't want to live anymore as myself,” or “if I transition maybe that'll help I'm doubtful about it, pretty hopeless, maybe it'll help.” I didn't realize until several years too late, I mean too late in a short-term sense, for the surgery and hormones, that there were alternative pathways, and so I have been able to cure my gender dysphoria and treat my suicidal ideation and PTSD, still working on that one, that one takes some time, but yeah, thank you.

Shape: Yeah, this definitely would have helped me. A lot of things did resonate with me, specifically how autistic people think “black and white.” I didn't feel like I could have existed on a spectrum of a gender while being a biological male. Also the way that's like, I really got obsessed with transition when I found out that it was a “possibility,” so it kind of clouded my entire judgment. Also it's the first time I've heard how dysphoria shifts, so you fix kind of like one part of your body and then you get obsessed over another part, and that actually never went away—I'm still obsessing and experiencing body dysmorphia. Yes, it would have definitely helped me, because at the time I didn't know that many trans people, and definitely didn't know anything about detransitioners, I've heard a little bit, but all the stories were like “well those people were never trans on the first place,” you know, the same things they're telling me right now, so it's a very important documentary, it was pretty well balanced, I'm glad it was not really a radical documentary, it was very factual, so I think that it could help a lot of people.

Luka: I also just wanted to add that when it comes to a parent talking to their child about this, regardless of the age of the child, or anyone in general really, it's important to remember that only telling someone “yes” and telling someone “yes, you're valid” and only affirming them and only saying “yes” is not an act of love. That's not what love is. Love is not giving in to every whim and only saying “yes.” Love is putting up those boundaries and saying “no,” and having to keep someone safe, even when they might be upset at you for it, because only saying “yes,” and only going down one path, and only affirming, isn't love, it's enabling, and I feel like that's just something that parents need to understand with this.

Panel moderator: Thank you, we're going to have another question.

Audience member: Sometimes clinicians tell parents that if you insist too much, if you try to show your children a different reality, they will dig their heels in even further. [Some panelists nod.] What is the difference between the things that do that, versus the things that you think can actually bring on a shift in understanding?

Rachel: I think it's tricky, because I feel like I had to actually, unfortunately, transition to be grounded back in reality, because you’re told all these things—the thing with transition is it's sold as this magic cure, like the snake oil to cure anything, because we don't really understand what gender is anyways, and we haven't really done this experiment culturally. There are a couple people who did it, like, way early in the 1900s, like a handful of people, but it was out of reach for most people until medical science today, so there's this huge placebo effect, and when people have these different mental illnesses, we don't really know a lot of time how to solve them, but the thing is, the power of belief works really well, and transition, there's like this whole “gender euphoria” thing with testosterone, it is very euphoric. How do you bring people back to reality without them having to actually go through it? I think, and this is the tricky thing, I think that's why we're gathered here, is that we don't really hear the downsides of transition, right, we only hear about “oh, this is this euphoric thing that's gonna be life-changing, affirming, it’s going to be this person's real authentic self, and it makes us all good people for affirming, you know these trans kids because you know we have to save them from themselves from suicide.” I don't know, I think just sharing stories of like people who have gone through transition who were, or maybe still identify as trans, but found “hey, like there are some issues with this and there are other ways we can deal with this,” whether that's recognizing there's maybe autism, maybe there's internalized homophobia, there's other kinds of traumas, I think just people being more aware that there's this other side of transition that isn't the the “rosy” side of transition.

Estella: To understand your question, like “how do you avoid them from being you know upset that you're showing them the the other way,” and I remember the mindset that I was in at 19, at the time, I came out on social media because I knew that my parents would give me pushback and I just wanted to just spring it on them and just not give them any chance to have any kind of push back to me. So I remember my mother telling me “You'll never be able to fully get a penis! You'll never be able to impregnate a woman!” all these different things that were logical arguments and I was just like “No no, Buck Angel has a penis!” you know, all these different things, and I just wanted her to hear me, I just wanted her to hear what I thought was going to be a good idea, and I think that maybe a good solution would be “Okay, well, if you want to show me your resources or propaganda or whatever, then I would like you to watch some resources that are from my side” and then that way they could feel listened to and you could see what they're actually looking at and then give them an opportunity “Okay we watched it now please would you watch this documentary with me, or would you read some of the side effects and we'll go in and see ‘Do you know what a cyst is?’ ‘Do you know where those come from?’ ‘So here are all these different side effects.’ ‘What does atrophy mean?’ ‘When a woman goes through atrophy, is it just their uterus or is it their bladder? And all the muscles that are along with that?’” because that's something I didn't know until probably about a year ago, and I'm 27, and I should have been—a doctor should have sat down and talked to me about those, but that never happened, so if you had like a little “give and take” maybe that would be helpful, that's the best solution I can think of right now, in this moment.

Luka: I think it also is, you know, it's somewhat inevitable that when you give pushback, sometimes these kids are going to be upset. It is natural in child development for each age group, is there are boundaries, and it is very natural for kids to push against those boundaries in a healthy way, and it is the job of the adults to make sure that those boundaries are still maintained and that the kid can express that pushback in a healthy way. It's unfortunate with this issue that we've seemingly, as a society, not only we just removed the boundary to push against, but put a medical system there in place. But sometimes when you push back, they're gonna be upset, and they're gonna need a space to really express that, because you know when they are upset, that is an emotion that they are having regardless of if, you know, as an adult, you feel like maybe the reason is stupid, or they're overreacting. To that child, that's a very real experience, that they are very upset about this. And whether that be that they just need some space to go blow off some steam, or they need you to be there as a compassionate adult to explain to them why you did what you did, or they just need someone to listen, it is still a parent or adult's job to do that with a sense of care, because you know you can't force someone to realize things, but you can be there, and you can be there in the best way that that kid needs. And that's going to be different for every kid, and some of them are just, they're gonna be stubborn, they're gonna be upset for long periods of time, but I think just for this issue, we can't just throw out that responsibility that even if a kid is upset, as long as you are doing what you're doing with care, and they are able to process that emotion of being upset, that that is still a good thing, because you know the parents have a lot of emotions in this and they deserve a space to process those as well. The kids are going to have a lot of emotions, and we really have seemingly taken away that space that they need to process those to come to the realization that maybe you know “hey maybe my mom isn't pushing back because she's hateful, maybe she's concerned” or you know the parent being “maybe my kid isn't acting out because you know I told them ‘no’ but maybe they're acting out because there is a deeper issue there and they are crying out for help.”

Laura: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I just wanted to add on to the idea of boundaries. What I often tell parents is, you know, this isn't palatable to hear, but the reality is that whether you tiptoe around—I've known parents that tiptoe around every little thing and they're walking on eggshells all of the time and it's extremely stressful—and I know parents who just get right up in there and take charge and say “no I'm the parent and I'm doing this” and I've known both sort of methods being taken and it is up to the individual parenting style, and the relationship you have with the child, but the reality is that as Lukas said, pushing back against authority and against parental wisdom is natural, normal, and even healthy. It can be an opportunity to further develop the relationship, because a child needs to learn how to manage their emotions. They need to learn how to take “no” for an answer, they need to learn how to look critically at other people's perspectives, and so it's very difficult. But repair is the other side to preserving a relationship. There will be conflicts, sometimes severe conflicts and damage will be done to the relationship, and so I think a lot of parents are focused so much on not damaging the relationship, which is understandable, but once it is damaged, I think that's when a lot of people might get into a really worse situation than if they had focused more on just the long run, you know, each little incident or confrontation is a smaller battle in a longer war, a war of preserving a relationship and having just a healthy life for everyone involved. I think focusing on “how do you repair” learning how to repair with your child is going to be critical, because it might be a very long period of time where they're processing things and if you act resentfully towards them, or bitter, or start punishing them, overly criticizing them. This is a more severe version of what may happen, but I had a parent who would verbally abuse me and gaslight me about it, and you know, I understand that they were angry and they were emotionally dysregulated, and that shouldn't have happened, but once it did happen, there was another opportunity there, the real work could have lied in the repair, that they had an opportunity to repair their relationship and further understand my perspective, but instead of doing that, they would gaslight me about it, and say that it was my fault, and say that never happened and that they did nothing wrong and in fact, I was, you know, punishing them or being a b-tch to them, you know, it was like very manipulative, that really damaged me, to feel it was all my fault, no matter what I did. Any emotion I had was unacceptable, and so whether it's arising to the level of like verbal abuse, or just—it's a spectrum of behaviors—but being able to repair and to acknowledge, you know, “I understand that this is painful for you” and not adding a “but” into it or like “but I feel this way” or like “but you're not listening” or like “you're so difficult, you're so difficult to deal with” you know, something I've heard a lot.

[cont] Really listening, and allowing them space so that they can start to trust you again, because the more you push when there's already been a damage a fracture to the relationship, the further and further away they're going to get, and then you might try to cling on even more, they're going to keep going. So it is inevitable that there will be damage, and I do think it's more prudent in the long term to think about the bigger picture of the relationship, and you may even lose what many people consider to be the biggest battle of all, which is when they get testosterone, when they get a prescription for hormones, when they get surgery, when they become an adult and they do something permanent, the reality is that even that is only a battle in the long-term war. There is life after the surgeries, obviously none of us advise doing it, but I think a lot of parents are so focused on just preventing that surgical outcome that they may lose sight of other ways to better the relationship, and once gender is over, what if they what if they forget about gender, what if you forget about gender, what what would that even be like? Are you consuming so much of your life based around that? Is there anything else in your marriage but just talking about the kids' gender problems, for example. And I'm not criticizing anyone, but I feel, you know, think about the long term, and things come and go, you know.

Shape: I'll be quick, I feel like one thing I've learned being in trans and detrans community, a lot of us have childhood trauma and if your kid thinks that they may be trans, maybe there's some trauma you don't know about, maybe you failed to protect them from predators, maybe you're the source of the trauma, because a lot of parents have been traumatized as kids themselves so they have all those personality disorders that they kind of transfer to their kids, so sometimes you need to look at yourself as well before communicating better with your child. Also unfortunately right now a lot of trans activists such as Jeffrey Marsh are teaching children online that they should go “no contact” with their parents if parents try to push back on transgender identity, which is completely crazy. It's pretty much emotionally manipulating parents to agree to support their transition, which sucks.

Chloe: Right. I mean, I agree that as a parent there are going to be some things that you'll have to do for your child that you may not necessarily want to, that they may not necessarily want, or that might not be the best for your relationship in the short term, and for a lot of parents this does involve taking away all Internet devices like their computers, iPads, phones, whatever else might give them internet access, and I think in most cases this is a good approach, but I think that if you're going to take something away, you have to replace it with something. A lot of these kids, the problem is a lot of them are addicted to the internet, because they were introduced to at a young age, and these devices are very stimulating, and for a lot of kids, especially kids who may not necessarily have a lot of friends at school, it can give them a sense of community online, but I really don't think that the internet and technology in general is really appropriate developmentally for most kids and teens, and a lot of these kids, they don't feel like they really belong to any communities in person, they don't really have any friends at school, a lot of them are bullied, many of them aren't really active in clubs, or sports, or extracurricular programs. If you're going to take away this one big thing from them, you have to replace it with I think one of those, which they should be in already.

Brian: Yeah, just real quick, I think one of the things that would have helped me in the beginning was if I had just gotten out of my woke echo chamber at my college, like if I had someone took me surfing, or gone dirt biking, gotten into some kind of rigorous exercise, I think that would have really helped, but yeah it's true. My psychologist, when my dad wasn't down with it, she was like “eh, you just won't have a father anymore” and I cut him out of my life for many years and I regret that now but, you know, had I just gone camping with my dad a couple times, or just listened to—I mean once I started listening to—it's really corny, but I started—I listened—there was two podcasts with Joe Rogan that I listened to as a trans, I was like “no no no, I'm still a man, I like man things,” and you know, not that women can't like, you know, MMA fights and, you know, certain things, but, you know it really realized that, and being sober, I was like “I made a huge mistake,” and yeah, take your kids out in nature.

[Time is reached, panel ends. Panel moderator thanks panelists, and informs the audience about current bills being considered in the legislature.]

#gender critical #gender is a social construct #human rights #detransitioners #detrans #detransitioning #transgender #gender ideology #gender identity #youtube video #video #transcript #transgender ideology #Youtube

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whysojiminimnida · 2 years

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Maknae Line + ARMY = Power Dynamics (Pt 2)

We love them and they love us right back. It's what makes the ARMY/BTS relationship what it is, and it is genuine.

It is also a power imbalance.

Less of one, these days, but it is still there. And WE HOLD THE POWER. We LOVE THEM. We are the driving force behind BTS' success. We hold their actual paychecks in our hands.

That's... a lot. A lot of love. A lot of paychecks. And a lot of power.

And it lends itself, unfortunately for both us and them, to a lot of abnormal behavior. OH WAIT LET'S READ THAT DISCLAIMER AGAIN

In my last post I said that BTS is a safe place for ARMY to explore sexuality.

THE REVERSE IS NOT TRUE.

Never has been, never will be, because ARMY was never designed for that. We are not their safe space. Not if they're straight, even more not if they're gay or bi or pan or heaven forbid gender non-conforming.

They accept us as we are because they love us, but we are under NO OBLIGATION TO DO THE SAME FOR THEM. And... as a general rule, ARMY - OT7 ARMY, anyway - doesn't. But also we do. And don't. Very confusing, ARMY reactions.

Hell, when have they ever had TIME to grow into healthy, normal adult sexual relationships? They lived together until some of them were nearly 25, FFS. Well beyond college age for Seokjin and Yoongi and well into it for the rest of them. That they seem to be reasonably well-adjusted is a credit to them and their partners, should they have any. Again, the hyungs have excelled, here. Mainly because they've never really HAD "dating scandals", which: ARE THE STUPIDEST IDEA OF A SCANDAL.

Literally how stupid is it to be upset that a famous person who is an adult human might also be (gasp, clutch pearls, die) having sex? Out in the world adulting like a whole adult WITH PEOPLE? And yet, ARMY gets like that sometimes.

See also Koreaboo, Dispatch and other publications we don't like

And before you say "not ALL ARMY" let me just remind you that "not ALL men" is the exact. same. statement. "Not REAL ARMY is like "not REAL men."

Which: granted and I don't entirely disagree, but I'll just say that people who identify as ARMY behave this way and rest assured that both BTS and BigHit are aware -- and market for it.

You're mad, now, maybe and I get it, so let's move on and not beat ARMY to death, k? I do feel like that for the majority of us, all we feel for Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung is simply love and support. Misguided support, sometimes, but love and support nonetheless.

So imagine you're a young man - still a boy in many ways - and you are living with and surrounded by beautiful, legitimately stunning, other young men. And maybe you've had time to examine your own sexuality and maybe not but Namjoon has WOW THIGHS and guys are naked and girls were kind of cute but also very weird anyway, bros just make so much more sense and then

A wild Park Jimin appears. Geeky, until he dances and then it's a gaspy thing that happens. Also: THIGHS. And, um, an ass that won't quit also biceps and a sweet heart and a big brain and, well. Shit. Anyway he dances. And you wanna dance, too. Your assigned role is to be yourself, pretty much, as long as you're good at everything. Don't act too too happy to see him, all right?

OR... you're the wild Park Jimin and you stumble gaily forward into a whole new life and you see the biggest pair of doe eyes you have ever seen... and he's the got-damned maknae. Kid's a prodigy. From Busan. He's a complete turd 90% of the time, and your JOB is to play the gay buff boy who adores him and gets routinely rejected. OH SWEET JESUS WHY.

LORDT. You see where this is going. The unattainable baby, far too young to do ANYTHING meaningful with, and in the meantime there are other guys just shirtless wandering around like a whole Min Yoongi exists please excuse me I devolved overnight I apologize anyway where was i?

Taehyung. Oh thank the gods, he's safe anyway. Fun, a little wild, definitely attaches to people. Accidentally brilliant (he didn't even have to audition) and a little eccentric and interesting, and he's a 95 liner - CHINGU! - and they go to the same school and and and. He's savvy - he lost his Daegu satoori immediately to fit in. Asked his friends to take good care of his slightly older hyung. Partner in crime, pretty voice, pretty eyes, a slinky dork of a dude who... maybe doesn't have his sexuality 100% locked down but is well-versed in skinship. Lots of skinship. Lots and lots of skinship. Gonna be a star, that one.

Let the glowups commence right along with the narrative.

They're a marketer's homoerotic slightly underage wet dream.

To be continued...

#maknae line #pt 2: electric boogaloo #jimin #jungkook #taehyung #army #bts army #dating scandals oh the horror #boys boys boys #also grown ass adult men okay #let the jikookery commence

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robynrocksforbrains · 8 months

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Why do you love mike wheeler? (I love him too I just want to hear your thoughts!!)

I love him because he's just so wonderful and amazing and he doesn't even know it. He's so convinced he's not important and I need him to know that he is. He's going through so much and he feels so alone and I just need to hug him.

I also just think he's such an interesting character. I think it's so cool that you have to really want to understand him in order to understand him. I love that as he hides from himself, he hides from the audience. I love that if someone only has a surface level understanding of him, they'll likely feel about him the way he feels about himself. I love that his romantic arc is about conformity and stagnancy vs. non-conformity and growth. I love that he has so much going on in his head. I love that at any moment he could crumble. I love that he is constantly walking on the edge of a knife. I love that his perspective is important to the conclusion of this story, so much so that it has been withheld from us for two seasons. I love how much he loves the people he loves. I love how loyal he is. I love how protective he is. I think he's such a complex character. There's so much going on and so much we haven't seen and I just AHHHHHHH. I just love him.

I need him to know that he's good.

#byler #mike wheeler #mike wheeler my beloved #light of my life

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hadeantaiga · 1 year

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A radfem argument that I would like to spend some time discussing is the idea that trans people "reinforce gender roles/stereotypes", or that we "reinforce gender" itself, and therefore we are reinforcing the patriarchy.o it to "prove" she was a "real woman".

To act like trans people, who come in a huge variety of presentations, genders, and sexes, are "reinforcing the gender binary / gender stereotypes / the patriarchy" shows a complete lack of understanding of who trans people are and what being trans is. It simplifies the trans experience to something binary and conforming, when many trans people exist outside the gender binary entirely and do not conform to any gender expectations whatsoever. From the trans side of things, it seems crazy anyone would ever accuse us of these things. We see every day how we are breaking out of the gender binary and defying gendered stereotypes.

But through the discussions I’ve had on here, I can see where some people get this idea from. For example, trans people often talk about the experiences we had that opened our eyes to the fact that we were trans. If one simplifies the trans experience down to moments like this with no further context, it can look like we are reinforcing the gender binary.

"I first thought I might’ve been trans when I tried on men's clothes for the first time and felt euphoria".

From a narrow point of view, this looks like the trans man is saying "wearing men's clothes makes you a man, and women cannot like wearing men's clothes". That is obviously not what trans people are saying. Trans folks are saying, "this incident was part of what made me aware I was transgender, but it is not the whole picture, and my gender is far more complex than my clothing preference”.

Being trans is not just about clothing or aesthetics, just how being butch is not just about clothing. Being butch means so much more to me than just my clothes, and that goes for all butches. I have seen butches describe butchness as a sort of gender identity all on its own. Some feel it is woman-adjacent; some butches are fully cis; some are butch and trans. It's a blurry label, and that's part of why I love it. Some butches go on T, too – and I’m one of them.

Another claim I'll see is folks trying to say that "trans people only transition because they think they can't do XYZ as a man/woman, so they must switch their gender to participate".

This is absolute nonsense, and if you talked to a trans person for longer than two seconds you'd realize this. Like in my case, I did my most macho thing (joining the Navy) while I was still a woman. I'm not on T because I want to do masculine things; I did them already! Me taking T after getting out of the Navy sort of throws that whole argument out the window.

---

I know binary trans people who completely pass and conform to gendered stereotypes are highly visible in media. And if that's your only exposure to trans people, then I get why you might think trans people as a whole "uphold gender stereotypes". But that is a tiny minority of who we are.

And furthermore, there's the fact that some of those trans people were forced to conform to gender roles to be classified as trans to access the care they needed. Many trans elders talk about how, if they’d had the language we have today, and the choices we have today, they would not have gone for a binary transition. So, to use these folks against the trans community is incredibly harmful.

Gender non-conformance and transness go hand-in-hand. Many of us are GNC. You need to listen to us, beyond the quips and the short quotable sentences that you can twist to make us look like we’re upholding gender roles, because when you actually listen and see who we are and what we do, you’ll realize we are actively breaking down gender roles every single day. We are active participants in feminism's fight against gender stereotypes!

We are gender liberators.

#trans #transgender #transgender 101 #anti radfem #anti terf #intersectional feminism #gender liberation

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mejomonster · 8 months

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What's so wild to me is like. Wille technically hooking up with anyone in Hillerska would've been a scandal. Simply because like. While within the student body it would've likely been fine (the same way all the girls pretty much KNOW it was really wille in the video with Simon but publically it "wasn't wille"), if his cousin August wanted to fuck up his life he could still leak info and hurt Wille. Like... Wille could've immediately gotten with Felice, and any public leaks of a video would still have led to his mom going "We need you OUT of that school and making a press statement." Or if it had leaked to the public they had the party with drugs, which is why getting Alex not to rat them out was such a big deal.

Within Hillerska, in fact, even if he'd been with a boy... if it had been say one of the inner group that knows August, most likely everyone would've kept their mouth shut. Still it would be a risk, because being with a boy means scandal blackmail they can use over Wille if they want to hurt or threaten him to do something (cough August cough). But still, in the grand scheme, Wille could've probably been fine crushing on some person like Alex along with a non disclosure agreement.

But Simon. Simon and his sister Sara in particular are the outliers of the school. Sure, it would be a scandal in PUBLIC either way if anything Wille does at school (that isn't picture perfect) gets out. But Simon is partly such a Risk, because INTERNALLY Hillerska does not approve. They don't want someone who isn't elite to talk to them, sit with them, converse with them. Sara gets off slightly easier because Felice does make an effort to see her as equal, use her own status to back up Sara (and since Felice is queen bee there's no bully pushing back on it the way August tries to push Simon back down if Wille tries to treat Simon as equal), and Sara tries hard to blend in and not stir the pot. Simon gives zero fucks about blending in, about playing nice or tolerating bullying, he is himself pure and simple. And Hillerskas elite little teens don't want to be seen mixed up with a regular teen, and in particular the guy's don't want to look chummy with a guy with zero power (is it fragile masculinity? That they all NEED TO OWN MASSIVE PROPERTY to be respected by each other? need to have tangible POWER which is why season 2 Wille has a pretty easy time pushing August down since August doesn't have any). So for the guy's and their fucked up values in particular? It hurts their ego, to see how HARD they have to try just to get a speck of respect. And then to see Wille, the PRINCE who's automatically got more than they ever will (and who they like pushing down in the hierarchy on technicalities to feel he at least has to conform to be powerful too), to see Wille talk to Simon as an equal? Absolutely unacceptable to them. Even without the crush, just being Simon's friend is so unacceptable to them. Seeing Wille value Simon more then them is like throwing all the hoops they jump through and maintain in their face (much like Wille starts breaking things for August season 2). It was always going to be a massive hurdle for Wille to want to be close to Simon. Not even to the country or the monarchy, but also at a much smaller level. In their world in their school, its not a possibility that their peers can allow to exist. At least not when Wille starts school. (Though ill say Felice and Wille have done a bit at starting to dismantle that)

#young royals #lb #rant #i am too tired and sick rn but. i think theres decinitely merit in comparing Hillerska to society at large #and the elite and the power structures they enforce and self imprison tjemselves in. in order to keep down ALL OTHER people.#and how hillerska is a micro version of that.#and why simon is Such a threat. sara? she is ultimately going the route of: attempt to conform and eventually #be accepted for following the rules and sysyem and become New Money #and we know how that goes politically...#whereas simon is like... fuck the system. im just as smart. i have the right to equality simply by existing.#i dont have to change to deserve that. i WILL punch August for using me. even tho it breaks the hierarchy.#i will let a Prince (symbolic of the TOP of the elite hierarchy) go to soccer and treat him #like an equal to me. not better. no hoops to jump through. no catering to him #politically simon represents a Lot....#and wille highlights the points as like yhe Elite who is aware the whole system is fucked up and stupid and shouldnt exist #he benefits but he doesnt want to be like Felice and help people climb WITHIN the system.#he doesnt want the system and inequality FULL STOP. so of course he sees simon as #the best moral option. simon represents what wille considers ideal and correct.

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year

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hello I don't understand, like homophobia and racism, etc. in the twst fandom? :00 Did a problem happens? I'm not aware ;-; or I didn't realize it idk, could you tell me what happened, maybe you know something because the truth is that until now I haven't seen anything that rare :'v

[Referencing this post!]

I'm not 100% sure if that Anon was referring to specific incidents, but these things do occur (especially the larger the fandom). You're just statistically more likely to encounter "rotten apples" if the pool of fans is larger to begin with.

I'll do my best to list some examples that happened through the years, though again I don't know for certain what events the Anon was referencing.

In the initial ask, the Anon refers to this hatred being directed at their favorite TWST content creators. I'm sad to say this, but I've witnessed far too much of it, both personally and directed toward my peers. The most common and far-reaching example I can think of is that some fans push the concept of "female Yuu" rather than accepting that any Yuu is possible, which inflames fans that don't identify as female. A lot of fan content also caters to females over fans elsewhere on the gender spectrum. This has led to a lot of feelings of alienation and feeling like the fandom doesn't accept anyone that doesn't conform to the majority. In one extreme case, an artist was told that a TWST character would never love their OC because that OC 1) was a guy too and 2) had dark skin. However, when non-female identifying fans defended themselves, some took this to be “discriminating against female OCs/fans”, which only further heightened tensions.

There's been plenty of harassment too 💦 mostly over ships (ah… ship wars, a staple in fandoms 😔). Some fans get overly possessive of their favorites and go around telling others they aren't "allowed" to like those characters or to ship their OC with that character. There are also some popular TWST ships that are immensely popular, and simply saying that you don't care for it gets you marked as a "hater" and relentlessly harassed. (This, unfortunately, happened to various mutuals and friends of mine.)

Another issue that happens a lot is accusations of plagiarism or copying just due to how popular OC culture is in the TWST fandom. A lot of times, fans will create characters “twisted” from Disney inspirations, which leads to a lot of overlap in powers, personalities, and backstories. However, I don’t think everyone realizes this and tends to point fingers at each other. Genuine plagiarism does happen, but people are just way too quick to jump the gun about it.

On the subject of OCs, sometimes there is a heated situation because someone makes an OC from a culture they don’t understand or don’t make an effort to understand. Thus, the culture is watered down or used for just the aesthetic. This, quite understandably, offends people from the culture that is being misrepresented.

Lastly 💦 this isn’t something I like to talk about often, but as I mentioned before, I, too, have been harassed. It was over something very minor too (saying that I don’t like a particular character). This led to about a year of anonymous asks demanding if I “liked [character] now” or “what do you think of [character] now” every time new content was released, as well as sometimes up to 6 long asks a DAY (from the same individual) defending that boy. They would gaslight my understanding of the game and its characters, talk down to me and other people and characters’ intelligence, and claim I didn’t “understand” him yet because if I did then I would actually like him. Every time I blocked the harassment, they would return on alts or pretend to be new people “discovering” my blog for the first time before continuing the asks. It really took a toll on my mental health and it’s a part of the reason why I am more hesitant to do creative writing for the public or to entertain certain asks these days.

I hope those were sufficient enough to give you an idea of what the original Anon was talking about. As I said in the original post, it’s best to find a group of friends to enjoy this content with. The fandom on a larger scale is so much scarier 😔 We’re all here in the fandom to just have have fun and enjoy cute boys and a magic-filled world, so I wish we could all get along a bit more 😅

vhbn

plagarism

clarifying lore about vil defending his actions

tracism

possessive of characters and defending them poorly or reacting badly when people say thy don' like ships.

#tw // racism #tw // harassment #tw // homophobia #notes from the writing raven #question #advice #Yuu

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lacefuneral · 6 months

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ok so. this isn't going to be as articulate as i'd like but i'm also very sleep deprived. i will do my best.

i've made the observation previously that fandoms in general tend to be Weird about gender non-conforming men. things like only seeing us through the lens of sexual fetish, failing to reconcile that a GNC man is still a Man, viewing us as being sinful/deviant/promiscuous/bad queer rep, etc.

but! there's something as of late that i've seen the OFMD fandom do. and it is new. i have never in my life seen something like this.

people are now talking about the GNC men in the show... as if they are women. and criticizing OFMD by bringing up misogynistic tropes... and applying them to the men.

which is... not how any of this works. full stop.

i've seen people insist that stede "became the love interest this season who has no arc or depth aside from being a boytoy to ed. and has given up his career for his man."

which, first of all, bonkers take. this entire season is about stede and ed independently going through their own developmental arcs and trying to figure out who they are + what they want. second of all............ stede isn't a woman!

seeing "ugh, he prioritized his love for a man over his career" framed as a negative instead of an active inversion. and it comes across to me as more homophobic than anything. "ugh... he did this for a MAN." well, yes. because stede is gay. and he is in love for the first time in his life. and he is allowed to want a soft, quiet life with his boyfriend. stede has always struggled in his comphet marriage and has wanted nothing more than to have agency to live the way he wants to and to be in a relationship that is fulfilling to him, with a partner that appreciates his quirks and interests. why are you treating this like a form of misogyny when it is about TWO MEN.

next, seeing people describe izzy hand's death as "fridging." i know that this is part of a wider problem of fans who feel the need to lash out because their favorite character is gone, and find a way to justify their anger (you're allowed to just be Mad btw. you don't need a reason.)

the problem is.... fridging is very specifically the critique of a WOMAN being killed off to further a MAN'S journey. and it also typically occurs at the BEGINNING of a narrative, because it is usually the CATALYST. a man is overcome by grief and wants revenge for what happened to his wife, or his girlfriend, or whatever. this does not work for a MAN being killed off at the END of a narrative, whose death does NOT inspire a wider revenge plot by the person grieving him. like, yeah, zheng wants revenge for her fleet being destroyed and auntie being put in danger, but ed isn't interested in fighting.

it's. well. it's very strange to me. and people are talking about these things as if it's a widespread issue. i'd much rather people talk about the actual issues GNC men face rather than inventing ones on the spot. are you going to insist that stede suffers from the "dumb blonde" trope too and how ruinous this is to Men Everywhere? or that ed's mental health arc is proof that women men are too emotional and should never be in a leadership position, lest a boy break their heart and they have feelings over it? please... some fresh air is needed. some sun. some grass.

(sidebar: i personally do not view izzy as GNC. doing drag one time does not a femme make, and he goes back to being femmephobic by the finalé. but this not change wider fandom perception of the character, which is why i've included him here. apparently, one instance of drag is enough to have people talking about him the same way people talk about the other characters. such is the curse of male effeminacy 😔)

#ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd

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hellfirehope · 2 years

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𝑀𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑐 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑢𝑛𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠- E.M

ꨄ☠︎︎♪♫

𝐻𝑖! I’m Hope! I have been writing fan fiction for a while, but this is my first little thing I’ve actually posted/let people read 💀 I’m sure it’s not great but please be kind. I’ve already written a couple chapters, so hopefully you enjoy 🙏

Eddie Munson x Reader

Warnings: first chapter is pretty tame, just some best friend fluff, best friends/fools in love, light angst, substance use, suggestive material, swearing (probably? I cuss like a sailor so I’m sure there’s some in there), mentions of bullying.

Minors dni! By reading you are agreeing that you are 18 years or older. ⚠︎︎

Summary: Before meeting Eddie, you felt completely invisible. He makes you feel seen. Before becoming best friends with Eddie, you were bullied endlessly. He doesn’t let anyone glance at you the wrong way. Before dating Eddie, you were positive you’d be alone forever. He constantly reminds you you’re stuck with him forever. Basically just reader and Eddie being idiots in love, and not realizing they both feel the same way. This story is heavily centered around music. The chapter titles will be song titles.

ꨄ☠︎︎♪♫

God, if you loved two things in this world it was music and your goofball, metalhead best friend. Every car ride, every smoke sesh, every time you hung out- music was always a part of it. It was like it grounded the both of you. You relied on it to keep you sane.

Eddie was a stellar musician. Way too good to be playing in stupid Hawkins. In your opinion, he should be famous. But of course he wasn’t. Regardless, every time you saw him on stage, effortlessly plucking the cords of his prized guitar, letting himself be lost in the music, you swooned. As if you needed another reason to love him…you loved how his face distorted with passion and absolute focus while playing. To you, he was a god.

You were at every Corroded Coffin gig. Front row. Staring into Eddie’s eyes with absolute adoration and all consuming love. Having you there was Eddie’s good luck charm. It means so much to him that you both not only like the same music, but you like HIS much. A LOT. Maybe a little too much? Definitely an ego booster for Eddie.

While you were beyond delighted to experience the talent of Corroded Coffin, you much preferred your private concerts.

Him and you, not a care in the world, jamming to your favorite music. 24/7. Do you ever just sit in quiet, Jesus???!

Most people in Hawkins were repulsed by even the thought of metal as a genre, but it was you and Eddie’s favorite. That’s part of the reason you two immediately felt so drawn to each other 5 years ago.

14 year old Eddie was loud, weird, non-conforming, and amazing (still is). Meeting him was like a breath of fresh air from all the fake bullshit that you were convinced plagued the water and air in Hawkins.

You were both freshman when you first crossed paths. But that seemed to be where the similarities ended, at least that’s what you thought when you first met him. You didn’t exactly run in the same crowds, but not in the way that most people mean that.

You didn’t run with ANY crowds. Middle school had been a bottomless pit of bullying and torment for you. When you began high school, you worked hard to camouflage yourself, not wanting to become a target in your new school. Your Walkman was practically glued to your ears and you avoided any contact with other students. Or teachers for that matter. In your first year, teachers would try and call on you to participate. And after a while, they stopped. It wasn’t because they took pity on you, no. They had fallen for your camouflage just as the students did, just as you intended.

Your plan for freshman year was initiated out of fear of being rejected or ridiculed, but by the second semester, you found you didn’t mind being alone. There were a few times you would see other students laughing, having fun, sucking face, and you would feel a little lonely. Or they there was something wrong with them. Bit for the most part you enjoyed being alone. Hawkins was constricting and in love with the idea of conformity. By yourself, you were free to be yourself. Like the things you liked, hate the things you hated.

In your third semester of your freshman year, you met Eddie Munson. You of course knew who he was, and you actually found you were drawn to his playful spirit and cool-albeit alternative style. But rather than shed your camouflage, you chose to admire him from afar.

So weren’t you surprised when Eddie took matters into his own hands and began hanging around you. Often.

His favorite thing to do was get under your skin. Not really, even back then he knew he had feelings for you and he didn’t know how to express them.

Sometimes he would just sit in the library and watch you study. He loved the way your face scrunched up when you didn’t know the answer to a question. Sometimes he would wait until he saw you exit the building, hurriedly running up to you and interlocking arms with you as you walked to your car. His overly flirtatious demeanor and constant physical affection didn’t just surprise you- it downright sent you into a spiral. Why was this boy (you had JUST officially met two weeks ago) so comfortable showering you in undeserved compliments, holding your hand, and following you around like a golden retriever?! You weren’t dating- you weren’t even friends yet! You usually hated and avoided having any attention drawn to you. The first week you began tolerating his presence, Eddie was unable to break past your walls, look at you too long, let alone touch you. Day by day he started shedding your camouflage. He was patient, never expecting more than you would offer. He was lucky to get a few seconds of eye contact or a 30 second conversation (that usually involved you abruptly making an excuse to run out of the room). Of course he wanted you to open up to him, wanted you to like him, to be friends with him, to smash to the walls you had built up so high. But he would never push, not risking anything that would scare you away. He wasn’t usually a patient man, but he waited. And waited. He waited until you eventually were able to hold his gaze, to have real talks, to joke back and forth. He hated that he had to wait this long to fully examine your (in his mind) perfect features and to hear your angelic voice. It was torture. But he would have gladly waited his whole life for the chance to know you.

Long, beautiful fingers adorning cold metal plucked your headset from your ears, pulling you from your reverie. You looked up at him with a scowl and rolled your eyes. That would happen a lot. Your expressions and actions were often opposite your actual feelings, hoping if you didn’t act as clingy as you longed to be, he would never catch on.

“Whatcha listening to?” Eddie practically sung, a huge smile glued to his adorable face.

Mötley Crüe. Looks that Kill. You meant to say, but instead found yourself lost in his gaze and close proximity. He was practically sharing your seat with you. He loved doing shit like that. If only he knew the effect it had on you.

“You know, now that the headphones are off, you actually have to respond when people ask you questions.” Eddie jabbed sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes and scowled at him, expression betraying the fact that your actual reaction to his presence had your heart doing somersaults.

“Aww, don’t look at me like that. I’ll cry.” He pouted.

Even though he was joking, you immediately softened at this, trying to remember what he had originally asked you.

Before you could offer up a response, he brought the headset to his ear and beamed knowingly.

“God, I didn’t think there was a soul in Hawkins that had taste in music until I met you.” He groaned when he said this, completely innocuous to him, but lately these kind of things seemed more suggestive in your mind.

“Yep. Just you and me.”

Eddie’s heart fluttered at your words. Unbeknownst to you, eddie was also carrying a torch. A damn big one. You thought you were completely crazy for developing (not-so-friendly) feelings towards him for the last year . Little did you know he had been experiencing these feelings since day one. Why would you ruin the one friendship you had to tell him how you felt. You needed Eddie. You thought you were okay being alone, never relying on anyone but a few close family. After Eddie, you couldn’t stand the thought of not having him in your life.

“Good, that’s the way I like it.” He replied smoothly.

You giggled and blushed, and Eddie took advantage of your moment of weakness.

“Hey so there’s a concert tonight. I really want to go. Will you do me the kindest favor of joining me, princess?”

You told yourself you would always loathe these ridiculous nicknames. Your opinion was quickly changed when you heard them out of Eddie’s mouth. His voice was like a drug.

“Hmm,” you pondered dramatically. You, of course, had no plans and wanted nothing more than to go with him, but couldn’t resist messing with him. I mean, how could I? I will never tease and annoy him as much as he does me. And he’ll never love me as much as I do him. Not even in the same way.

That’s why it was so hard to go to these outings with him lately. You wanted nothing more than to go out in public and be that couple that you’ve always gagged at from afar. You wanted him to hold you, kiss you, let everyone know that you were his and he was yours.

As painful as your (platonic) dates had become, you never have the heart to say no to him.

“You know, if you’re busy it’s ok. I won’t mind.” Eddie was sure that was one of the biggest lies he’d ever told.

“No, of course I want to go. Sorry, just spaced out for a second there.” You replied quickly.

His face lit up, his eyes regaining that sparkle that you could never seem to tear your eyes away from.

“Sick! I’ll pick you up at 7?” He suggested, unable to keep the overwhelming enthusiasm from his voice.

“Yes sir,” you replied a little too friendly, twisting a lock of hair in your fingers and giving him a glowing smile. He’d do anything to recreate that smile.

Again, another innocuous statement to one of you, and something completely different for the other.

“Ed’s. Are you okay? Now you’ve gone and spaced out on me.” You laughed.

“Uwh, yes, sorry, sweetheart. I’ll see you tonight, ok?” He called as he rushed out of the room.

Well that was weird, you thought. Eddie never departed before blowing you a kiss or doing some flirty crap that meant nothing to him, and everything to you. Hmm, maybe he realized his best friend is embarrassingly obsessed with him and can’t stop thinking about jumping his bones. Oh god. You thought you’d been so careful. Maybe he found out and now wants nothing to do with you.

You had to take some deep breaths to stop the intrusive thoughts threatening to fill your eyes with tears.

You sat in silence, apart from your quiet sniffles. The last person left in the library.

Eddie, however, had sprinted directly from the library to the closest bathroom. Hearing you call him sir had short-circuited his brain, and he needed to escape before you realized how absolutely whipped he was. There was another thing he needed, too.

He quickly checked the bathroom for students, and splashed some water in his face, unable to contain his emotions. Or his erection. It was like that. Everything she did, even the smallest things, turned him on like nothing and no one else.

Eddie is kind of ridiculous, not ridiculous enough to jerk off in the Hawkins High bathroom. He quickly exited the bathroom and headed for the parking lot, opting to take care of his dilemma in his van. As he left, he noticed you were still in the library. You were far away, but he could tell you had been crying. His heart broke in two at the sight of your distressed state and puffy eyes.

He desperately needed to get to the privacy of his own van, but there was no way in hell he’d leave you like this. Before he could enter the library, you stood from your seat and left the library, probably to get home.

He tried to catch up with you, but was stopped short by a very intelligent, very arrogant, curly haired dork.

“Eddie! You left us hanging with that last campaign, and now you haven’t even talked about when the next one might be…soon right? This is torture!!” Dustin sighed exaggeratedly.

Eddie grabbed Dustin by the shoulders and shook him. Dustin’s eyes widened, realizing this was a terrible idea and Eddie was in one of his wild and chaotic moods.

“You want to know what torture is, Henderson?! I’ll tell you. Having to be friends with Y/N.”

Dustin couldn’t believe what he’d heard. Eddie put on a tough guy front, but the few that actually knew him knew he was really just a teddy bear, especially when it came to you. He never had an unkind word to say about you. “Eddie, what the hell, that’s so mean-“ Dustin started.

“NO NO NO that’s not what I meant, idiot. Having to be just friends. Nothing more. I can’t do it anymore. Every time I see her all I can think about is grabbing her and-“

“No, none of this, nope, no thanks, I get enough of this gross shit from Steve. Ok- so why haven’t you just TOLD HER? Haven’t you like been madly in love with her since the second you laid eyes on her?” Dustin mocked.

Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes, knowing Dustin was more or less correct.

“Just tell her dude. None of us can take it any more! This shit has been building up for years and you’re starting to go actually insane! Your campaigns are shit lately-“

“Weren’t you just begging me for the next-“ Eddie interrupted.

“Not relevant. The point is, please just tell her. If not for the sake of your lovesick heart- for ME. Or I will tell her mys-“

Eddie chuckled darkly as he pulled Dustin into a playful headlock.

“Dustin- you will do no such thing.” Eddie warned.

Eddie was prepared to give Dustin much more shit about his ridiculous speech, but he knew he was right. He had also just realized why he was in such a hurry out of the building in the first place. Y/N.

𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡’𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑛𝑒, 𝐼 𝑔𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑠. Again, this is the first fic I’ve ever shared with anyone. I’m pretty nervous about it but I think we could all use some Eddie content right now…

I hope you had a good day, drank lots of water, and remembered that Eddie Munson is alive and well, ok? ❣︎

Blessed be.

𝐻𝑜𝑝𝑒

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things season4 #volume2neverhappened #dufferbrothersareoverparty #netflix #josephquinn

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detransdamnation · 1 month

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I think I might not actually be trans but I don't know where these feelings come from then, what caused them and what to do against my dysphoria. I just want to be a woman again. do you have any resources on this? thank you in advance

Hey there, Anon.

Unfortunately, there aren't too many resources for dysphoric detransitioned people and what few do pop up either don't last long, cater exclusively to youth or the parents of them, or (in my personal opinion) don't actually do all that much to tangibly help us as people. That isn't to say that the resources do not exist, period—but from what I have seen, they are largely community-based and almost exclusively online (which can open its own can of worms), as academic and medical efforts where they do exist more often concern dysphoric people who are actively transitioning, or wish to make that leap.

That being said, frustrating circumstance does not mean that you cannot take steps to try to help yourself. It's difficult for me to know what, exactly, to suggest, as I don't know you, so I can't make too many assumptions on what, specifically, may have contributed to your dysphoria and what you may find helpful. But not all hope is lost. I scoured the Internet looking for something that could help you, and although most of what has been put out there suffers/ed from the same things I listed above, I did find one organization that may be of interest to you. Gender Dysphoria Alliance aims to better understand dysphoria, all the ways it can present, and the best ways to help those affected by it. This could be helpful to you if you are looking specifically for well-rounded conversation that is supportive of detransitioners and centric of homosexual and female sex rights, critical of the ways in which the transgender community approaches things but also not inherently gender-critical and not necessarily dismissive of transition as a legitimate option for some. There is a members' forum specifically for those who are impacted by dysphoria to participate in, although in order to join, you will need to receive approval from a moderator to ensure the space remains reflective of its intent and target group.

Insofar as the process of working through dysphoria goes, if you are wondering where to start, I came across this archived Substack post entitled Alternatives to Transition: A step-by-step guide to thinking your way out of dysphoria without repressing it*. This is a short, concise article which, coincidentally, outlines more or less the same approach I took (and still try to take) when dealing with my own dysphoria; that you said "I just want to be a woman again" in your submission makes me think it may be helpful for you as well. In essence, dysphoric people—as a feature of our dysphoria—are prone to hyper-analysis and extreme black-and-white thinking. We tend to see (the ideas of) men and women as (often rather extreme) caricatures of stereotypes—leading us to believe that we are, or are meant to be, the opposite sex (or even another gender entirely) because we do not fit those stereotypes. In the process of this re-identification, we lose the ability to understand that very few people are actually adequately described by any of their sex's stereotypes to a T—and simultaneously, that virtually no non-dysphoric person looks at menial things and categorically assigns them a gender (in general, or to know how to conform or not to conform) like we do. In short, we're too in-our-own-heads emotionally to logically understand how things actually are. This isn't our fault as dysphoric people—but it does mean we're unlikely to get anywhere until we learn to reformulate our thinking. This post gives you specific direction on how to start that process.

But dysphoria rarely happens "just because," and in deconstructing your own, you may find that your dysphoria was only secondary to another, greater issue, whether environmental or psychological. This is a little more difficult to give guidance on, as dysphoria which has been influenced by the surrounding environment isn't something that one can change overnight, or even necessarily escape from. As far as psychological issues go, it'd be easy for me to suggest therapy; however, I don't like to because I find it to be a canned response, especially nowadays. It's unhelpful to people who do not have the monetary means to go to therapy, as well as insensitive to those who have had bad experiences which turned them off or even set them further back.

On top of this, what is a great barrier for dysphoric detransitioners in finding psychological help is that many gender psychologists are geared to only support circular, gender-affirmative treatment (i.e., transition is the cure for your dysphoria because you are transgender) in their practice, which—should go without saying—isn't helpful to us as detransitioners, and may even inadvertently harm us. I don't mean to dissuade you from going this route if you feel you need it, or to be overall pessimistic about the state of things (although I'll admit I am)—but I also find it imperative to be honest about the difficulties you may face in finding someone who would be beneficial to you in your specific situation. I will say that in my research for you, I did find one website which offers more well-rounded therapy for dysphoric people; however, it's not something I'm personally comfortable publicly endorsing on my blog because the website itself admits that the advertised therapists are not vetted by the organization itself (meaning at minimum, they agree with the mission statement and probably won't blindly affirm your dysphoria—but that's about all that's guaranteed). Still, if you would like to have this on hand regardless, you are free to message me for the link.

Finally, if you happen to be struggling with the ways in which the transgender community or gender theory has harmed you but are struggling to put the "why" and "how" into words (or just want reassurance that you're not crazy for feeling hurt), I'd like to direct you to The New Thought Crime*. This is a series of five blog posts. Very long read, very information-heavy. However, when I was in your same position coming up to three years ago now, teetering between the two paths, not sure if I even wanted to "take the risk" and disenfranchise myself from something I had spent so many years working so hard to carefully craft for myself, this was what ripped the blinders off and forced me to realize just how much I was harming myself by transitioning. Nothing has ever made me feel so seen and heard in such a dark place. It is initially advertised as for detransitioned women but it is genuinely helpful to everyone no matter their sex, identity, or previous or current relationship with the community. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone.

I hope this points you in the right direction. I wish you luck and perseverance.

*P.S. If you find either of these posts helpful, it would be wise to save them elsewhere, as The Wayback Machine as of late seems to be falling short of its prerogative in archiving lost or deleted Internet pages. Go figure.

#looking at this post in the queue and feeling like it's just saying a whole lot of nothing lmao #i truly did my best but it really is scarce out there #submission #answered #detrans #writing #reference #text #my post

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