A random night on the Polar Tang
Penguin: so uhm... Captain?
Shachi: Pen and I have something to tell you...
Law:.. how much do I have to deduct from your share this time?
Shachi: woah, rude! Why do you assume we broke something instantly??
Penguin: Nothing happened! This is a serious matter!
Law: Oh? Consider me listening, then. What's so pressing you're barging into my quarter at this late hour?
Penguin: well... you see... Shachi and I aren't as straight as we thought we were...
Shachi: and as we are a crew we thought you should know we are dating now!
Law: *staring exasperated at the two blushing, nervous men*..... and the sky is blue. Why are you telling me this now? Isn't it a little bit late for that?
Shachi: wait. what? Why are you so calm?!
Penguin: and what do you mean 'a little late'? we came straight to you after deciding on this!
Law:... Are you two for real now...? I wedded you two myself. 6 fucking years ago! You're even wearing wedding bands around your neck ever since?!
Penguin: WE'RE WHAT NOW??!!
Shachi: WE DO WHAT NOW??!!
Law: what the fuck do you think those are??? You insisted on me doing you the honor that very night. I still don't know where you even got those rings from. Nor do I want to, to be honest.
Penguin&Shachi: huh.... Well... Friendship rings of course?
Law: *can't hold his snort any longer* sure. friendship rings. And that smooching session at the end of the ceremony was just kissing 'the homies good night', I get it.
Penguin: Damn. Did we even go on a honeymoon? I feel betrayed out of my matrimonial rights now.
Shachi: huh.... well. we're just dating for barely 20 minutes, but if you wanna cash in on that, I'm game, dude.
Law: oh for fucks sake...if you don't need anything else, get out!
Shachi&Penguin: Aye Aye, Captain~!
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Imagine Sanji in the kitchen of the Sunny, in a bad mood, because the day before was a moment, witnessed by the full crew, of him chickening out of confessing his feelings for Usopp, even though it was obvious for everyone.
Now Sanji is making dinner but has a pesting captain in the room, who thinks he's subtle in asking questions but they are quiet obvious like 'What do you like in a partner?' because Luffy wants them (SanUso) to be together.
Well, Sanji is fed up and calls for Zoro to come and remove his freak of a boyfriend (their captain) (ZoLu is out) or there won't be dinner that day.
Luffy is protesting about no dinner but Zoro easily picks him up to take him away and tells Sanji:
"I'll do what you can't do, (being an attentive boyfriend)
so you can do what I can't." (living in denial) (or cooking)
Sanji is fuming, his cigarette is fuming, the dinner is fuming. Dinner is almost ruined by Sanji slightly burning it.
This is not his day.
Honestly, in his defense, he tried to confess in private but he wasn't brave to do it and everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) was listening through the kitchen door because they don't know what personal space is and the second Usopp got out of the room they stormed inside and started making fun of Sanji or telling him to go tell Usopp the truth already because they were going to fucking lose it.
Luffy is just trying to get them to be together because he doesn't understand why they're keeping their feelings hidden if they feel the same way. It's stressful! It doesn't make sense! And it's making both of them unhappy! Their captain is just trying to be of help but Sanji needs time to be ready, okay? He just- He just needs more time.
And Zoro would definitely say that and Sanji would go, like, fucking insane. It's his last straw, really. I think he confesses that same night because I don't think this man can handle more of this shit.
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