#santa clause pipe

[mrsriddlenott]

The Fourth Day Of Smutmas

[smutmas masterlist] [main masterlist]

~ Santa Clause Is Coming To Town ~

Klaus Mikaelson x fem!Vampire Reader

Summary: When Klaus mysteriously returns from New Orleans, the Mystic Falls gang worries about what he’s planning, though his only plan is to convince you to join him for Christmas in The Big Easy, by any means necessary. Starting with lavish gifts, attention, and affections, and ending with his mouth wherever you wish it.

- Klaus is obsessed but not in a creepy way, vampire reader, platonic Damon x Reader & Stefan x Reader -

Warnings: 18+ Content!!Spoiling(gift giving, promises etc),ig kinda manipulation if you squint,f!Receiving Oral.

It was no secret that when Klaus first came to Mystic Falls he had only one thing on his mind, breaking his curse. But when he first saw you from behind the eyes of Alaric, he knew there was….something….so he of course ignored it. By the second time he came around you knew all about him and he you, something about you lingered with him, leading him to look into your past which only hooked him on further.

He was a forward man, anything he wants he goes for, so naturally he was hounding you left and right for the better part of year while him and his siblings ran rampant in your town. Though you were mysteriously never hurt, mentally or physically, something that didn’t go unnoticed by you. By the time Klaus was told of a plot against him in New Orleans, you were ready to accept him, his faults and all, and before he reluctantly left, you shared a heated kiss that stuck with the hybrid even all this time later.

Despite trying to disconnect himself and keep you safe from the enemies after his family and city, he couldn’t stop himself from calling you every once in a while, only feeding his desires to see you, feel you, smell you, for you. By the time Hope’s second Christmas started approaching, he realized she’d be starting to remember them soon, and decided you just had to be there so began planning to get you to enjoy the Holidays with him.

“Uh guys, you might….well you are gonna be upset but I need to tell you something,” Your voice was small and weak as you entered the main room of the Salvatore Boarding House where Stefan and Damon sat drinking bourbon. Damon, rude as usual, ushered you to speak faster as you tried to sputter out the words to tell them Klaus had left you a voicemail in the early hours of the morning to announce his eminent arrival.

“Well you see…” You were cut off by the sound of the large wooden door opening behind you allowing Klaus to saunter in with his usual air of confidence, swinging an arm over your shoulder with a smile that didn’t show his teeth, eyeing the brothers in front of him as though daring them to question his entry into their home.

“Oh come on….why the hell has Santa Klaus come to town,” Damon mocked, scoffing out a laugh as he chugged down the rest of his bourbon, standing from his seat, eyeing you with disappointment before returning his attention to the much stronger man, “We’re having one peaceful, happy, bullshit free Christmas this year and nowhere in that is the Original Hybrid needed,” Damon swayed his hands in a mocking manner as he spoke, he was coaxing him, he wanted to anger him and wanted to prove to you Klaus would rip his head off in a matter of seconds if it weren’t for you.

“Oh Damon,” Klaus sighed condescendingly with a shake of his head, “I’ve only come for y/n, she’s needed for my family’s….what’d you call it…” He feigned a questioning look as his eyes shifted around the room, “ah yes peaceful, happy, bullshit free Christmas, so if you don’t mind….”

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean? You can’t just swoop in and take y/n like she’s your property,” Stefan piped up, scoffing slightly as he crossed his arms over his chest despite Klaus’ eyebrows shot up his forehead to eye the much younger vampire.

“You are so dramatic,” Klaus laughed with a smile that didn’t meet his eyes, clearing his throat before continuing, “I haven’t come to kidnap her, I’ve come to ask her you idiot, and even if I had planned to walk in here and take her….neither of you could stop me.” Klaus was never fond of you living with the Salvatores, especially Damon, but he also recognized their close bond to you and their obvious love for you. He wouldn’t hurt them unless they hurt you, he knew you would never forgive him for that and he just would not stand for that.

With a roll of your eyes you tugged Klaus’ hand, pulling him down the hall away from the brewing argument and toward your large bedroom. “Why’s this room so close to Damon’s?” Klaus’ narrowed, distrusting eyes seemed to search the room and hallway before shutting the wood against the frame and turning back to you.

“He likes to be closer so he can hear if somethings happening faster….he’ll deny that though,” you chuckle awkwardly, you hadn’t been alone with Klaus in almost two full years. Your eyes fell to his hands as he dig into his coat, tugging out a long, silver wrapped box with a golden bow on top, so neatly done that you were sure he had compelled someone to do it perfectly.

“I got you something, come here” He ushered you towards him with two of his fingers. His gravely, authoritative voice you loved so much sending shivers down your spine as you approached, unable to deny him of anything he asked of you in that tone. “There’s more waiting for you under my tree in New Orleans.” Klaus calmly stated, making you cringe slightly as you approached him, stopping only a foot in front of him before speaking.

“Look Nik, I’m sure that whatever that is is lovely and I’m sure all the others are too but if you’re only giving me that to get me to come back with you than I can’t accept it.” You sighed, meeting his eyes for only a second before watching your feet. Klaus stepped forward, almost pressing against you as the air grew warmer, gripping your chin and forcing you to meet his eyes again, genuinely smiling down to you once you did.

“No Love….this is yours whether you come with or stay and if you don’t accept my invite I’ll bring the rest to you. Whatever happens to them after is up to you, leave them, open them, donate them, whatever you want,” His warm hand moved to yours, shoving his gift box into your palm as he watched you expectantly, your brows scrunched together as you narrowed your eyes at him before realizing he was being honest.

You tore through the paper cautiously with a smile, revealing the long black velvet box that opened to reveal a simple golden necklace with a simple wolf charm in the middle, “I usually go for diamonds but I know my girl well enough to know you’d prefer both,” he stated simply before pulling out another perfectly wrapped silver package, this time much smaller. You wasted no time in ripping through and opening the small box to reveal a ring with a thin silver band adorned with a large diamond.

Your eyes shot up to his as you removed the ring from it’s confines with a shocked expression, “Now I know what you’re probably thinking, but when I propose to you that rock will me much larger and,” As he waved a hand around your room with slight grimace on his face, “we’ll be in be a much more extravagant setting….Paris perhaps?”

“Nik….this is too much I….” You couldn’t form words as you looked between the pieces of jewelry, “I can’t accept these not when Hope is so young and Hayley she deser-“ Klaus laughs at your response, eyeing you as though to ask you a question simply with his eyes, before chuckling again with a soft apology.

“Do you really think I can’t get all my favorite girls their gifts? Trust me Hope and Hayley will have plenty of presents, in fact they’re next to yours right now, if you want to get going I’m sure you’ll see them.” Klaus waved his hand towards your door, looking to you expectantly as though waiting for you to walk out before him.

“I can’t just leave with you out of nowhere Klaus,” You sighed, setting your gifts down on your bedside table before rubbing at your eyes as the man stood in front of you again, waiting for a different response, “It- it’s not that I don’t want to okay….I just can’t.”

“Why not?” He asked, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, his voice exasperated as he turned his hands up dramatically, “Come on what’s keeping you from leaving with me? I’ll keep you safe.” His voice was growing strained, he was beginning to plead with you now, grabbing at your sides as if to remind you of his ability to shield you from harm.

“My friends are here Klaus, the only real friends I’ve had for over a century, I’m not just leaving them” You spoke, narrowing your eyes to him as though asking him to reveal a hidden meaning before turning away from his touch and avoiding his pleading eyes by tiding your bed covers, adding in a small voice, “My friends who do not trust you with me by the way.”

“It’s not like you’ll never see them again, I’m not trying to hold you captive I’m trying to give you a nice Christmas.” You could hear in his voice that he was upset, he was losing patience and wanted, no needed, a flat out response, “Love, please I’m practically begging on my knees here”

“Maybe you should be on your knees,” you joked under your breath without thinking about the mans enhanced hearing well beyond yours or the vampires you’re usually around, only realizing your mistake when you turned to find his eyebrows that had shot up his forehead in surprise. His eyes trailed down your body and back up again, reading you to make sure he heard you correctly before speaking, “Sit.”

“Wha-“ His deep, dark eyes locked into yours in a silent order, halting your question before it was formed as you immediately flopped down on the bed behind you. Your wide eyes followed his actions as he slowly grew closer to the bed with purposeful steps, “You’ll be a Good Girl and tell me to stop when you don’t like what I’m doing won’t you?”

You nodded your head in understanding, putting a halt to his agonizingly slow steps as his head tilted to the side in a questioning and demanding stare, “Yes I will,” You stuttered, your throat beginning to dry, your head falling back to maintain eye contact as Klaus stopped in front of you, just to drop to his knees. His warm, rough hands surrounded your ankles, tugging them apart lightly to settle himself between your legs, his eyes never leaving yours. He smelled intoxicating, his scent wrapping you in a blanket of comfort as his hands slowly rubbed up and down your legs, stopping just before the hem of your dress each time. “Please y/n. Will you please come to New Orleans for Christmas, it’ll make my year.”

“I don’t kneel for just anyone and I think you know that,” as he spoke it felt as though his power he prided above anything for 1,000 years began to seep out of him and into you, “You’re the only woman on this planet that I can’t get out of my head, I’ve had women on every continent drooling at my feet for the better part of a millennium but you, my Darling, are the only one I will ever drool over.” Your resolve was beginning to crumble, the feeling of his soft kisses to the top of your legs between words had you sighing in contempt, your confidence growing with each second.

“What can I do to get you to join me hm?” He punctuated himself with a kiss to the center of your thigh, moving his lips higher before he spoke again, “I’ll buy you anything, I’ll do anything.”

Your hand melted into his stawberry curls, watching his lips form a smile as he realized he’d won, “You seem to love using your mouth….so maybe start there.” His eyes shot to yours, chuckling to himself at your false dominance, he loved being in control and whether you realized it yet or not, he was.

Your back slammed against your mattress in less than a second, Klaus’ firm hand held against your stomach, using his hybrid strength to keep you down. He vibrated against you with pure energy, growling against the flesh of your thigh while kissing a trail to your core, eyes going a golden yellow as the scent of your arousal filled his senses. You leant up on your elbows to watch him, the feel of his prominent fangs that would scare almost anyone else scraping your skin with each featherlight kiss building an ache in your lower abdomen, the sense of danger was overwhelming, knowing that at any moment he could dig into you, infecting you with his venom just so he could taste you. The thought of him losing control and having to cure you from the toxin with his blood had you subconsciously tugging your lip between your own fangs that surfaced from your gums at the sight of him shoving your dress upward once his lips met it.

His fingers effortlessly slipped into your lace underwear, filling the room with the sound of ripping fabric before delving into you with his expert tongue, forcing your hips to jolt up against his hold on you, “Holy fucking shit,” Klaus immediately began drawing figure eights on your desperate clit, sighing in pleasure at just your taste and immediately needing more.

You were dripping for him, filling the room with the sound of your pleasure as he lapped against you, focusing on the strokes of his tongue against your center the same way he would a brush against art. Your high was fast approaching, faster than ever before, you wigged against his grip desperately trying to ease the growing tension in your body but he didn’t let up. Fingernails digging into your flesh as you legs shook, your eyes screwed shut, falling back onto the bed with a sigh of a moan attempting to will yourself to last longer, to prolong your pleasure as though you would never feel it again.

His strokes danced between your entrance and your puffy, needy clit he was beginning to adore, wishing to give you a teaser of what awaited you in his bed in his city. His lips sucked around you, egging on your moans of pleasure from above him until they turned into small whimpers and whines of need. Your mind was hazy, it’s only focus being the tickle of his beautiful hair against your thighs, the scratch of his stubble marking your flesh as his perfect, silver tongue pulled out the first of many shaking orgasms he would give you as his Queen.

“You taste absolutely amazing,” He pushed himself forward, weighing down the bed beside you as you tried to regain focus, “If you pack quickly you may get another gift before we leave.” He chuckled, smacking at your still exposed thigh before pulling you into a desperate kiss he’d waited far too long for.

~~~~

Not proud of this one smut wise but I think it’s super cute 🥰

Event Taglist (lmk if u want on, off, or changed ur user)

@timmytime17 @talia-scar123 @spencer-reids-wife @ttsbaby01 @animorose @whydoireadanymore @thievin-stealing @spiderman-stilinski @evycloudberry @shady-the-simp @ashisabitgay @porterport @callsignwidow @cicicicicisstuff @mattheoriddleswifee @junebugin-july @moonlightreader649 @devotedlyshadowytheorist @rubyliquor @perverteddsdreams @mildly-delulu @fairydimples07 @shadowmoonlight0604 @80scinemvasworld @nevillescomslut @annaisabookworm @abaker74 @athenalikethegoddess @limeren @h-------n @kezibear @mattheoriddlemarcuslopez @lovemelikecrazyiloveyoucrazy @curiousshifter101 @tobyr68 @spididerman @hedwigprewett12 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @kiwi475 @stellasdelusions

#klaus mikaelson fluff #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson smut #klaus mikaelson x reader #klaus mikaelson x y/n #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson fanfiction #klaus mikaelson fic #klaus mikaelson oneshot #niklaus mikaelson x reader #niklaus mikaelson #smut #smutmas #smutmas 2023 #12 days of smutmas #x reader #tvd smut #tvd #the vampire diaries #damon salvatore #stefan salvatore #mystic falls #fluff #tvdu #tvd fluff #tvd fandom #tvd fanfiction #vampire reader

[mytheoristavenue]

Day 12: Raphael + Santa Dress up

Summary: After a scary encounter with the Purple Dragons, resulting in the loss of all the present's you'd bought for your little sister, Santa Clause suddenly appeared on your fire escape.

Warnings: Pure fluff, tiny bit of angst, older!Raph in mind (20ish)

You sighed, brows knit in sorrow and frustration as your younger sister slept beside you. You were now officially here sole caregiver since the death of your parents, and you did all you could to keep her sheltered and fed, though that wasn't an excuse to wake up to no Christmas presents in a six year old's eyes.

You really had done all you could to save to get her some toys, but you hadn't accounted for your heater going out, and having to pay for it to be fixed out of pocket. Now there was no way you could afford the doll she wanted.

You sighed, pulling yourself up off her bed, dragging yourself to the kitchen, at least she could wake up to her favorite dessert. Cake for breakfast is a pretty good gift, right?

Suddenly, you jumped out of your skin at the sound on a mass landing on your fire escape and entering into your home. Silently, you armed yourself with a rolling pin and approached your bedroom with caution.

"Raph?!" you hissed, trying to keep your volume low, so as not to wake the child.

"Hiya," he smirked, pulling a fake beard down his chin to reveal the rest of his face, and donning a cheaply made Santa suit. "Oh, wait, I mean-" he took in a sharp inhale, before chuckling with his whole chest. "Ho Ho Ho!" Your eyes widened with panic, as you tried to hush him, pressing your hand to his lips.

"Raph, shut up! (S/N) is asleep!"

Your hairs stood on end at the sound of the door creaking open and a small voice piping up. "Santa...?" You pivoted on your heels, finding your sister in the doorway, looking timid, shrinking into her pajamas.

"Oh, no sweetie, go back to bed." you urged with a sad expression. This would be a hard conversation for the next day.

"But sis, I-!"

"Go, now."

Raphael glanced between the pair of you during the exchange of you parenting, and her whining, before speaking up, putting on his most dramatic Santa Clause impression. "Well, now, just a second little girl." (S/N) glanced back to him, slinking over, looking to you for approval, which you begrudgingly gave. "Now, I'm looking for a very nice little girl named (S/N) (L/N), could you help me find her?"

She giggled, rubbing sleep from her eye. "That's me."

Raph feigned surprise, theatrically yanking his head back. "Really? Well this is just no good, no good at all!"

Panic wrote itself all over her face as she gasped. "What's wrong Santa? I've been good, I swear!"

"That isn't the problem, little darling." he tutted, shaking his head. "The problem is, no child has ever seen me before, and since you have, I have to grant you one wish before I can go to the next house."

"Really?!" your sister squealed, balling her fists against her chest and dancing happily. "I wish for a Pretty Patti doll! The one where she's a waitress!"

Your heart melted at the sight as Raph rummaged through his 'bulging' bag of toys to find the doll she'd been asking for for weeks. "Now then," he said as she hugged the box tightly. "Let me give you an official Santa Clause approved tuck in, little (S/N)." With that, he lifted her into his arms and whisked her away back to bed.

-----

"So...Santa," you sighed, handing him a mug of coco as he sat down, having just finished putting her down.

"Don't even start," he warned, pulling his beard down and leaning up to you for a kiss. "Or you ain't gettin' nothin' from either of us."

"Yeah, yeah." you waved him off with a giggle. "Seriously, though. Thank you, Raph. You didn't have to do that."

"Well, she's my sister too," he confessed, pulling you into his lap, basking in the dim light of the tree. "We're in this together, baby, For the long haul."

"Merry Christmas." you cooed, pressing another kiss to his lips.

-----

"Sis," (S/N) called form the table, enjoying her favorite cake for breakfast. "Are you and Raph fighting?"

The question caught you so off guard, you nearly dropped your fork, mouth catching flies with shock. "No, hun, of course not. Why?"

"Well..." she trailed, fidgeting in her chair. "I saw you kissing Santa Clause last night..."

Taglist:

@sunshinesdaydream @helpyaw @thelaundrybitch @helpyaw @momii @camillahorne26 @turtle-babe83 @fyreball66 @sharpwindow @roseygardenfan @witchofthenorthstar @pheradream15 @post-apocalyptic-daydream @hyunonion @killmewithafanfic

#tmnt #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2012 x reader #raphael x reader #tmnt raphael #lemon's 12 days of christmas

[jaysmith2232]

I remember how it used to be; you and me talking on GC til sun came up, but that’s in the past. Your ass changed real quick, went from lovee-dovey to “ok I’ll talk to you later”. We add a lil name calling, a lil belittling and your favorites” 🤡🤷🏼‍♀️”. You love to turn my fact, to an excuse….for me, I feel like I can’t be myself around you. I feel like you’re bored with me and now goin to look for new toys. I’m sorry I’m not like some version of Santa clause, and give you new toys. But what was i to expect when we got together you would fall in love and would leave that place,and it would be happily ever after. Yeah that was a pipe dream, because saying it on the screen, don’t mean you meant it, to me. Now I know A lot of this is due to two certain gentlemen, who broke your heart, so now your charge is to break men’s hearts, too bad I couldn’t mend hearts. Well mine was broken to begin with, you help mend it, then broke it again damnit. So with pain and turmoil in both of our pasts, you wake up and put that fake smile on, me I don’t wear a mask, so the pain on my face is what you really see. I gotta go…I’ll see my self out.🕊️

[captaincolossal]

Anyway, I have a functional kitchen sink once again. It actually was touch and go for a minute there because the clog was in the little bend off the main stack, and that, my friends, is 100% original 1913 cast iron pipe there. So. Was quite stressful when the plumbers did all that (expensive) work and the pipe was still clogged. The second drain tech was able to clear the clog though, which was a huge fucking relief.

Just. I need a break from expensive and unexpected Things. This year has had a lot. And I just...need a break. Or like. A winning lottery ticket.

Christmas Evil (1980)

Oh, he saw mommy getting felt up by Santa Clause. And...as an adult...he's creepily obsessed with Christmas and/or Santa. *sigh*

#christmas evil #movie funtime

[arcxnumvitae]

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 / 𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒

Did they believe in Santa?: No, since Christmas isn’t a holiday celebrated in Seelie, and thus there was no story or myth of Santa Clause to be told to kids. Aur only became aware of the concept when he was stranded in the mortal realm and his first thought of hearing a man who snuck into houses to leave children presents and who was repaid in milk and cookies was “...Hm, sounds like a fae.”

Were they a dinosaur or rock kid?: Dinosaurs...also not much of a talked about concept in Seelie. I guess rocks? He was pretty mature for a kid even as a kid regarding his mannerisms though so it’d only be to the extent of him finding a particularly pretty rock and admiring it.

Bugs or slimy critters?: He’s good with butterflies and stuff. He doesn’t have anything against bugs and slimy creatures, but he’s not like feeling more than neutral towards them.

Do they fidget? How?: Generally no, he’s pretty still intentionally so as to not give away any anxieties or whatever he’s feeling. If his guard is down though or he’s distracted, he’ll generally mess with his hair in some way if he’s agitated or thinking deeply on something. He’d stop himself if he noticed he was doing it though.

What were they frequently in trouble for as a child?: Aur was lameeee (I’m joking) as a kid and didn’t get in trouble because he didn’t really act out or do stuff he was told  not to. Now, once he hit like young to mid-teens, after his mother passed, he started taking to sneaking out of the palace every now and then. It didn’t happen as frequently back then though so his dad never discovered it.

What underwear do they like?: ...Mother-- am I going to have to look up ancient Scottish underwear to see what the fae could be working with? I’m sure it’s just some type of cloth wrapped around the lower body, or maybe even nothing who knows. I’ve now returned from my Google search in the span between that last sentence and this one and probably braies? He of course worse modern underwear while he was living in the mortal world but it’s kind of hard to come by some Fruit of the Looms in Seelie.

Designs on clothing or no?: Sort of? He can at time have patterns, uh I guess reminiscent to fleur de lisle even though that’s a whole other region of inspiration but shhhh, it’s not actually fleur de lisle anyways.

Birthmarks?: Do his fae marks count? He was born with them after all.  Absolutely the lines all over his body that curl like vines or ivy and are set into his skin. I’d even consider his two-colored eyes birthmarks. Green coloring in his blond hair, his tail, horns, etc. etc. 

Do they have good self control?: Restraint to a Capital T. I know I would have blown up long ago if I were in Aur’s position. Generally though, he’s pretty good at keeping his emotions reined in at the moment something is happening and good with self-restraint.

Favorite franchise?: He’s...in Seelie too often to engage with franchises. Who has the time anyways?

Do they re-enact scenarios in the shower?: Nope. I’ll refrain from talking about how Seelie mainly utilizes baths anyways, or natural uhhh springs? Waterfalls? I forgot how to describe it, but either way they don’t have actual water running through pipes set into the walls showers. Aur would like to look into that at some point though....when he....has the time.... 

Do they tell the waiter that their order is wrong?: Pft, no. Not that he’s scared or too nervous to, he just...he’ll get the order and something in it’s wrong? He goes “Oh well”, and proceeds to eat it anyways. It just doesn’t seem like a big enough deal to him to get someone’s attention, point it out, and then wait for it to be fixed when he could be eating it right now.

Stairs or elevator?: Stairs. Once again, familiar with elevators because of the mortal world, but Seelie hasn’t really hit its Industrial Revolution era yet.

Are they an exaggerator when telling stories?: Nope, he’ll tell it how it is plain and simple. He’ll try to include all the relevant details, but he’s overall not a talkative person so he might leave out something that was small and didn’t seem big to him, but could have actually been.

Tagged by: @lured-into-wonderland​!

#{Aur Headcanon #long post

[actualcoolbugfacts]

✨cool bug facts's✨

Trogonoptera Brookiana, or the Rajah Brooke's birdwing!

They look like Santa Clause with a red beard from this angle.🎅👨‍🦰

The anatomy of these 💸remunerative💸 insects!!!

The females are usually brownish with white on the tips of their forewings and on the base of their hindwings. But in some species the females look just like the males, but with blue wings instead of green.

The pupae are as green as the male's wings with streaks of violet.

The larvae have a fork-shaped mound on the back of their head that secretes a pungent and poisonous liquid that deters predators.

They have evolved to be immune to the poison in the Aglaia foveolata, which is where they get their poisonous liquid from. They grow red hairs on their head, giving them the appearance of a red collar. (Are all insects redheads?)

Diet.

They eat the nectar from flowers like the Bauhinia.

The larvae eat the Dutchman's pipe and the leaves from the Aglaia foveolata.

Behavior.

The males tend to congregate around one area, making the chances of seeing just a singular Rajah Brooke's birdwing very low.

The females don't leave their trees very often, unlike the males, making the chances of seeing a female compared to the chances of seeing a male 1/200. While they tend to stick very close to one another, they will not react if one of their own dies.

While the Aglaia foveolata's leaves are poisonous to humans, the Rajah Brooke's birdwing will not use their poison on humans.

Habitat.

They inhabit Thai-Malay Peninsula, Borneo, Natuna, Sumatra, Banyak, Simeulue, Batu, and Mentawai.

They are Malaysia's national butterfly.

They live in tropical rainforests, and like to hang around any good sources of minerals, namely hot Sulphur springs.

I initially had many more fact's than this, I was very proud of the amount of fact's I had gathered, perhaps too proud. I had written all of the fact's that I have bore upon this post onto a sheet of paper, but I had found more fact's that I, foolishly, did not write down, but I had still written them onto this post. Or I had tried to, but I had such a multitudinous array of tabs open, that my tumblr found itself crashed and I had been given a notification to close my tabs. I was so enraged that I found myself to have lost my will, my will to write all the fact's I had so tenderly collected, and so I had felt unable to continue my work for a sprinkling of days, and still my final project is not nearly as extensive or informative as it should've been, and from that day forth, whenever a Trogonoptera Brookiana comes into my vision, I feel an insufferable rage, despite this being of my own fault for never closing my accursed tabs. The only boon I have been given from this ordeal is that I have learned a very valuable lesson, from this day forth, about closing my tabs.

Anyway, I will be trying to post much more frequently.💖💖💖

#bugs #insects #butterfly #butterflies #rajah brooke's birdwing #trogonoptera brookiana #bugblr #entomology #lepidopterology #cool bugs #cool bug facts #cool bug's #cool bug fact's

[maileater]

Santa clause is important to American culture because its the only context where its still social acceptable to expose children to tobacco pipes

make post

#monkey on typewriter kind of post

[micoc84]

Christmas Show

1 Miracle on 34 (1947) 2 Christmas Story (1983) 3 Santa Clause (1994) 4 Christmas Carol (38) - Reginald Owen 5 Walton's Homecoming (71) 6 Holiday Affair (49) - Rob Mitchum 7 Bishop's Wife (47) 8 NL Christ Vacation (89) 9 Love Actually (03) 10 Charlie Brown Christ (65) Christ Carol (51) - Alastair Sim, Rudolph Red (64), How the Grinch Stole (66), Flintstone Christ (77), Chipmunk Christmas (81), Mickey Carol (83), Trading Places (83), One Magic Christ (85), Smoky Mtn Christ (87), Garfield Christ (87), Muppet Christ (87), Brady Christ (88), Ernest Saves Christ (88) Edward Scissors (90), Home Alone (90), Wish for Wings (91) - Opus Bill, Nightmare Before Christ (93), While You were Sleep (95), Jingle All the Way (96), Elf (03), Polar Express (04) Shop Around the Corner (40), Meet Me St.Louis (44), Little Women (45), Christ Connecticut (45), White Christ (54), Happened on Fifth Ave (47), Wonderful Life (46), King of Kings (61), Greatest Story Ever (65)

Dudley: Tonight I want to tell you the story of an empty stocking. Once upon a midnight clear, there was a child’s cry. A blazing star hung over a stable and wise men came with birthday gifts. We haven’t forgotten that night down the centuries; we celebrate it with stars on Christmas trees, the sound of bells and with gifts. But especially with gifts. You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe.

We forget nobody, adult or child. All the stockings are filled…all that is, except one. And we have even forgotten to hang it up. The stocking for the child born in a manger. It’s his birthday we are celebrating. Don’t ever let us forget that. Let us ask ourselves what he would wish for most…and then let each put in his share. Loving kindness, warm hearts and the stretched out hand of tolerance.

[eachainn]

Title: Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight Fandom: Tales of Zestiria Pairing: Sormik Rating: G Author’s Note:   This takes place in the vaguely Santa Clause 2 AU that I did. The two others in this verse are here and here. Title taken from Santa Baby. Summary: He ran his thumb along the piping of the chair. “Do you think you’ll make it?”

“It’s gonna be close.” Sorey sighed, Mikleo easily imagining the way he would slump back against the sleigh, a moment of surrender for someone who was always just pushing forward. If he was doing that, then it would be on the opposite side of the sleigh from where his mother and the Normin were working.

He pressed the phone more tightly to his ear, like that would be enough to lend support. Sorey wouldn’t feel it from miles away, if it was still only miles. Mikleo flexed the fingers of his free hand, glancing around the study. Boris might have a map of Glenwood and beyond lying around. He still wouldn’t know where Sorey was, but he could still walk his fingers across the continents and oceans to make sense of the route.

#sormikadventcalendar2021 #sormik #tales of zestiria #sormikadventcalendar #my fic

[warynerd]

Check Out His North Pole, destiel, t, 400w ◌ Dean and Castiel search for the perfect ugly sweaters for family photos later. [ao3]

For B&B’s Advent Calendar, day 4: Take A Family Photo // Ugly Christmas Sweaters // “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”

↢ Day 3 ◇ Day 5 ↣

They’ve been searching for almost an hour now and Castiel still isn’t sure what Dean meant by ‘ugly sweater’—Dean has rejected every article of clothing Castiel has shown him thus far, to Castiel’s mounting frustration—for the family photos they will be taking later; Donna’s idea after the Hallmark movie they watched the previous night.

‘Is this one sufficiently ‘ugly’, Dean?’

He holds up his latest selection; a penguin nestling surrounded in glittery threads simulating snow.

‘Bud, that’s cute,’ Dean says the word with a hint of disdain, ‘we’re looking for ugly. Not cute.’

Castiel lets out a displeased huff.

‘Sweetheart, it’s OK,’ Dean takes a step closer to squeeze his shoulder—Dean's been freer with his touches since the rescue, Castiel quite enjoys the change—before turning back to the racks of clothing, ‘we’re the same size. When I find one, we’ll just get two of the same.’

Castiel smiles, a small hidden thing; the idea of them matching in the family portraits is appealing – a subtle symbol of their new relationship dynamic.

He walks beside Dean as he goes rack to rack, checking in on Claire on his mobile. She’s with Kaia and Jack picking out their own sweaters at the hot topical. An incoming image blooms a smile on his face. Reindeer antlers on all three of their heads as they make faces at the camera.

‘Dean.’ He turns his phone screen around to show him.

‘Dorks.’ The affection is obvious in his voice, even before he smiles, eyes alight.

Moment over, he puts the device back in his pocket, and glances around the store, idly listening to the music being piped out the store speakers. Impatient children play on their own devices as they follow parents around, occasionally pausing to have clothing sized against their bodies.

‘Very demanding house guests.’

‘What’s that, Cas?’

‘The song. They’re demanding food or threatening with occupation.’

Dean pauses, head tilted up, as he listens to the music himself.

‘Huh. Never noticed that. Creepy.’ He flicks through a few more sweaters before he lets out an excited noise. ‘This is perfect.’

The sweater Dean has found features a flexing nude Santa Clause surrounded by peppermint treats with a stuffed candy cane dangling near the genital region. Castiel understands the term ugly sweater now.

After checking out, Dean gets them both peppermint mochas while they wait for the girls and Jack.

[Sweater – Also embedded below cut.]

#b&badventcalendar #destiel #destiel fic #mine.app

[adultswim2021]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force #52: "Dusty Gozongas" (October 3, 2004 - 12:00 AM)

This one’s pretty dull. So dull that I’ve been ruminating on this one for a while now and I might just have to leave it at that.

Okay, fine, I’ll pretend to care. Shake digs up the natural gas lines so he can do a cool fire display in hopes of getting the Olympics to come to the Aqua Teen house. Pretty wacky, right? The city sends a sexy lady stripper to fix the pipes. She’s voiced by Scott Thompson from The Kids in the Hall. This is basically a one joke episode, with the fellas (especially Carl) all vying for her her affection while she acts like a stereotypical dumb stripper.

I don’t know man, I live in Portland and the strippers here are mostly really cool and have writing jobs and a couple of them used to pay me insane amounts of money to petsit, so I truly get no joy from making fun of strippers. The show doesn’t go too low with it’s mockery; the one moment where she actually comes close to being assaulted by Carl she casually maces him and calmly says “no touching!”, which is maybe the only really funny moment in the episode.

I do sorta like the end, which is weird and involves an alien race of wrench-like creatures. That end scene was basically the only thing I remembered from this episode. I don’t know. This one’s weird. Not that funny or interesting!

MAIL BAG

could it be that adultswim2021 is a cinemassacre truther?

hahaha! You know what’s weird? The first time I encountered people bitching about cinemassacre’s downfall I thought they were being weirdo cranks but then when I actually watched some of the recent videos I was like “holy shit, yeah, this really does suck now”. Those types of hardcore YouTube fans have weird ideas about how much effort it actually takes to produce stuff sometimes, especially when it’s dudes whose whole thing is that they just put a static image of a bear wearing a fez looking pensive and record a dumb rant behind it all “DOES IT REALLY TAKE THAT MUCH ENERGY TO FULLY PRODUCE SKETCH COMEDY? I MEAN REALLY!” but yeah, the result is stuff that sucks, so whatareyagonna do.

Kon writes:

Most prevailing memory about Dusty Gonzagas: The ATHF TVtome getting into a feud with another ATHF fan site about who "broke" the news that Scott Thompson was going to be a guest star (meaning heard them say it on a commentary track and posted it)

Ahhaha, to think you get into an impassioned fight over such a thing only to have G4 buy your website and delete all the data off it so they can turn it into a new site where they list the episodes and seasons in reverse-chronological order and incorrectly slot in duplicate episode titles with the day they premiered on iTunes. Disgusting!

The PJ's Y2K episode rocked. In the original broadcast Eddie Murphy dressed up like Santa Clause to introduce it. Probably the most involved he's ever been with the show. It's on youtube but I can't post links in this so you'll have to find it yourself.

I found it! I didn’t know Santa said the f-slur :(

Sorry this is a bit late but I think the idea of having sex with a sasquatch is disgusting and if that's what Doc Hammer finds funny then he should probably consult a therapist instead of one of his heavy metal magazines.

Umm... Paul Kirchner and Charles Burns did good stuff in Heavy Metal. How dare you. It wasn’t all weird stuff (muscular guys, etc).

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #aqua teen hunger force

[liquid-luck-00]

Gifts

Bio!Dad Bruce

Day 13: Gifts

@biodad-bruce-month

Ao3 ~~~ First ~~~ Previous ~~~ Next

~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas seemed to arrive much sooner than anyone had thought possible. Marinette had only been part of their family for two months but anyone could tell that something had changed in the Manor.

Christmas eve was spent baking. Well Marinette and Alfred baked. Everyone else was only allowed to watch and then help with the frosting. The Kents had come over for dinner and afterwards Barbara and Commissioner Gordon arrived. Followed by Stephanie, Cass, and Duke.

A game tournament was held until 11pm, where there was a lot of UMS III, several board games, and two extremely competitive games of Clue. Dick had organized a secret Santa and gifts were exchanged at midnight, only after every one got snacks, their gifts, and any other last second thing came up. Bruce gave the first gift at the stroke of twelve to Lois.

Bruce gave Lois a new recorder, notebook, and per set. Lois gave the peacock pin to Alfred, at Marinette's suggestion and offer. Alfred gave Cass a book set with taped recordings. Cass gifted Jason with a replica of Jack Sparrow's pistol. Jason gave Barbara a charm bracelet with a bat, crystal ball, and a police badge. Barbara gave Damian a faux leather jacket and a pair of throwing blades. Damian gave Stephanie a box of chocolates and a new traveling bag. Stephanie gave Tim a new insulated mug and the strongest coffee she could find. Tim gifted Clark a new communicator/watch, he tends to break them a lot. Clark decided to give Gordon a classic analog watch. Gordon presented Dick with the poster of the Flying Grayson's when they were last in Gotham. Dick, thanks to Mari, gave Duke a custom yellow motto jacket designed after the Bride's in Kill Bill. Duke, curtesy of Tim, gave Jon a watch communicator similar to his dad's. Jon gave Marinette a sketchbook with a note from him as well as a sketch from Damian. Finally Mari gifted her father with a hand embroidered tie, little bats that only showed when the light hit it just right, and black bat cuffs to match.

After the exchange everyone either watched Christmas movies, played more games, or in Mari and Jason's case slipped away to fight an akuma in Paris. Luckily it was an easy fight that was less than 5 minutes.

By 2am Commissioner Gordon and Barbara left followed by the Kents. Duke, Stephanie, and Cass left not long afterwards, saying something about meeting the Titians or was it the YJ for a mission.

"Your seriously not going to try this again are you baby bird?" Dick asked Damian from next to Mari.

"Santa Claus will be caught, I will make sure of it" he said resolutely.

"You couldn't do it last year, you won't be able to this year" Tim replied sipping his cocoa, since 10 pm Mari had been swapping his cups so he finally gave up after the 25th cup.

"Replacement's right" Jason seconded.

"Qamri your with me right?"

"If you want me to help rig a trap I will" she began "but you won't catch him" she finished with a smirk.

"Wait what does that mean?" Dick turned towards her, well everyone had.

"Santa Clause is a powerful and old spirit or Meta if you prefer" Mari answered.

"How do you know this? If it is even true that is"

Damian questioned.

"Tikki" she shrugged "Anyways if he can get on Apokalips and get past Darkseid, give him a chunk of coal, without being caught. I don't know if you will do any better."

The four watched Christmas movies and fell asleep on the couch.

---

Bruce had woken up and it was a silent Christmas morning and that was odd. Usually Damian would have been in a rage for either not staying up or complaining that he didn't catch St. Nick. So naturally he went to see if he was still asleep. What he found was an empty bed. He checked Jason's room empty, but that wasn't that odd. Marinette's room was also empty, but he didn't smell any sweets and that was odd. Dick wasn't in his room either but he would probably be itching to open gifts.

So he went down to the living room and that was where he found all his children asleep on a pile of pillows and blankets.

"Why don't we break tradition and have breakfast while opening gifts?" he spoke to Alfred who had appeared beside him.

"As you wish Sir"

"I'll help" he followed Alfred and carried a tray of pancakes, waffles, and toast, while Alfred brought cocoa, tea, fruits, and syrup. As they walked in

his four children began to wake up.

"Is that hot cocoa?"

"Yes it is Miss Mari"

“No big strategy to catch St. Nick this year Damian?”

“There were but an unforeseen variable came into play”

“And what was it”

“Tikki and her seemingly vast knowledge of the man in question” He was confused and he was about to voice that confusion when he was jarred from his thoughts.

Dick who already seemed completely awake already. "Who gets to give the first set of gifts?" At that Marinette, Tim, Damian, and Jason seemed to wake up.

Before anyone could argue Bruce spoke up "Mini it's your first Christmas with us would you like to be first?"

---

"Sure" She moved to the tree and pulled six gifts.

Jason was the first to get his. It was a new brown leather jacket with a hood, lined with a deep red. Tim was next, she gave him a custom work bag that was reminiscent of Red Robin with the Gotham skyline. Damian was given a watch with a hidden Robin 'R' on it. Dick got a letterman jacket with patches from where he preformed with his parents, while the front patch was his Nightwing insignia. Alfred she gave a complete recipe book from her parent's bakery. Finally she gave her father a sketch of Batman and his partners, a framed photo of the two of them in Paris, she took it while he was distracted covered in flour, and she wrote him a letter on the back of the photo.

Afterwards everyone else gave their gifts. She got a katana from Damian. A black leather jacket with blush pink lining and piping from Jason. A new drawing tablet and pen from Tim. Dick had given her a necklace and bracelet set to complement her miraculous. Alfred gave her a mini bat backpack. Her father gave her a strand of pearls all were white but the central pearl, which was golden.

Everyone was enjoying, and for one not arguing or fighting, the morning. All She could think was that her father, grandfather. and brothers are the best gift she could have received.

Bonus:

"Qamri, really a watch how come even the replacement got a better thought of gift?" Damian pouted.

"Not everything is what it seems" she giggled. she put the watch on his wrist and turned the crown four times. He was engulfed in shadows and then he stood there in his Robin uniform.

"How?"

"A modified miraculous binding, Tikki helped me with it. But long story short no time limit and when you need to change your uniform, upgrade or fix, just scan it."

"So it's not magical?"

"Nope more like translocation"

Next

~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:

@mochinek0 @justafanwarrior @abrx2002 @ranger-gothamite @fantasiame @moonystars14 @mochegato @bigbeautifulandfullofsugar @maribat-is-lifeblood @iglowinggemma28 @miraculous-ninja @talutah0 @vixen-uchiha @danielslilangel @witchsblackfox @pawsitivelymiraculous @lizziejay @marinettepotterandplagg @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @dast218 @sassakitty @miyla-lokidottir @lilkymilky @tazanna-blythe @tired-butterfly @lozzybowe @smolplantmum @queencommonsense @loopingtangent @chez-pezeater @paintedhope7 @technicallyburninggarden @meme991001 @wannajointhecrabcult @melicmusicmagic @trippingovermyfeet @greatcatblaze @fidget-eep @miraculouslydumb @iamablinkmarvelarmy @laurcad123 @hauntedwintersweets @fc-studios @fusser90 @madking-warqueen @buginetye @little-lady-bird @thebooki3h @iamabrownfox

#dc x miraculous #dc x mlb #mlb x dc #miraculous x dc #maribat #miraculus ladybug #ml marinette #batfam #marinette dupain cheng #bio! dadbrucewaynemonth2020 #b ! dbwm2020 #bio!dad bruce wayne

[thewidowsghost]

The Unknown Muggleborn - Chapter 2

3rd Person POV

By the age of nine, Jean and Tom Granger found that their adopted daughter (Y/n) was quite a peculiar child. It wasn't just the strange hourglass scar on her neck, but she was incredibly smart, picking things up that most kids in high school wouldn't understand.

By Year Five of school, (Y/n) (L/n)-Granger had aced all of her classes on top of taking Year Nine level classes - Geometry and AP Biology.

And by the age of ten, (Y/n) was fluent in Russian, French, and Spanish.

The eldest Grangers also learned that their adopted daughter was extremely athletic. (Y/n) had played football - what Americans called soccer - and was top of her class in her Karate and JiuJitzu classes.

(Y/n) was also an inventor. She could come up with solutions to problems that Jean Granger had told her that most adults couldn't solve. She had built her first circuit board at the age of five and her first engine at the age of eight.

The Grangers' had put a shed in their backyard where their adopted daughter was always tinkering with things she would buy or was gifted from neighbors.

It wasn't to say that Jean and Tom's other daughter wasn't smart, for Hermione Granger was very intelligent. But all three - including Hermione - knew that (Y/n) was on a whole different level of intelligence.

Hermione Jean Granger wakes on July 26th of 1991 to her sister standing over her, a wide smile on her face.

The two sisters - even considering that (Y/n) was adopted - looked nothing alike. Hermione had frizzy brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, whereas (Y/n) had sleek (H/C) hair and brilliant green eyes. There was a strange thing about (Y/n)'s appearance though, she had an hourglass shaped scar on the side of her neck. (Y/n) liked the scar, but it reminded her of black widows, which wasn't great because (Y/n) didn't like spiders.

Hermione sit up in her bed, pushing her covers off her.

After the two use the bathroom - (Y/n) taking a quick shower and leaving her hair damp - they make their way downstairs to find their parents already in the kitchen.

"Morning girls," Mrs. Granger greets her daughters as she places breakfast on the table.

"Morning Mum," (Y/n) and Hermione say in unison.

Both Mr. and Mrs. Granger were dressed for work - they were dentists at the local dentists' office a few miles away.

After the four finish breakfast, there is a knock on the door.

Looking slightly confused, Mr. Granger stands up from the table and walks towards the door.

He opens it to see a very stern looking woman with black hair and blue eyes.

"Good morning," Mr. Granger greets the woman.

"Good morning, sir," the black haired woman says. "Are your daughters home? I'm here about a scholarship, per say, for a new school."

(Y/n) and Hermione exchange excited looks.

"Yes, they are here," Mr. Granger answers the woman. "Would you like to come in?"

The woman nods and steps inside the neat house.

"Hermione! (Y/n)!" Tom Granger calls and the two girls rise from their chairs simultaneously and walk out into the living room.

(Y/n) waves shyly at the woman, surprising the other Grangers. (Y/n) was never shy.

A small smile spreads across the woman's face at the slight of (Y/n) and catches sight of the hourglass scar on her neck.

"Hermione and (Y/n), was it?" the woman asks and the two nod.

"I'm Professor McGonagall. I'm here about a school for gifted people like yourselves," the woman says.

(Y/n) and Hermione exchange gazes, like a clashing forest, brown on green.

"It might be hard to believe, but the two of you, you're witches," McGonagall says and (Y/n)'s gaze flashes a silver, almost too quickly for McGonagall to see, but the woman does.

This sends a flash of curiosity though McGonagall, but she holds out two letters.

(Y/n) and Hermione step forward and take the letters from the Professor.

Miss (Y/n) (L/n)-Granger 100 Crestent View Ln. The Third Largest Bedroom Hampstead, London

"That's so very incredibly specific," (Y/n) murmurs. Opening the letter, she quickly reads:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Miss (Y/n) (L/n)-Granger, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress

(Y/n) looks suspiciously at the letter for a moment before looking up. "Are you sure?" (Y/n) asks. "I'm not anyone special. I can't be a witch."

At the comment about (Y/n) being no one special, the other three Grangers exchange looks that McGonagall presumed to mean that they though that the statement wasn't true.

"Has nothing ever happened when you were afraid or nervous?" McGonagall asks and a flash of realization flashes behind (Y/n)'s eyes. "If you two have to go to work," McGonagall turns to Jean and Tom, "I can take the girls to find their school things."

(Y/n) looks excitedly over at her mother and father, "Mum, Dad, can we?"

Jean looks at McGonagall and nods.

Hermione and (Y/n) grin at each other.

"Go get dressed and then you can go," McGonagall says, smiling softly at the girls' excitement.

(Y/n) and Hermione run up the stairs.

(Y/n) goes to her bedroom and opens her closet door. She pulls out a black AC DC t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts from her dresser.

Thinking for a moment, she grabs a zip up hoodie and throws it on, placing her wallet inside one of the pockets.

(Y/n) stops at her sister's room and a moment later, Hermione pops out, dressed in a pair of jeans and a short sleeved t-shirt.

"So, what do you think about this?"  (Y/n) asks as the two make their way down the stairs.

"I think it's interesting, us being witches and all," Hermione answers as the two enter the living room where they find their mother asking McGonagall to keep her daughters safe.

McGonagall, (Y/n), and Hermione walk outside and McGonagall tells the two girls to take her hand.

They do, and they're suddenly somewhere else. (Y/n) and Hermione look up to see a sign, which reads, The Leaky Cauldron.

They walk inside.

It was a small, tiny, grubby-looking pub. A few old women were sitting in a corner, drinking tiny glasses of sherry. One of them was smoking a long pipe. A little man in a top hat was talking to the old bartender, who was quite bald and looked like a toothless walnut. All of a sudden, the low buzz of chatter stopped when two people walked in. One of them was a very tall man, he almost looked to big to be allowed. He had long black hair and a black beard. The other was a small boy with jet-black hair, bottle green eyes, and light skin. The bartender reached for a glass, saying, "The usual, Hagrid?"

"Can't, Tom, I'm on Hogwarts business," said the man who must have Hagrid, clapping his great hand on boy's shoulder and making his knees buckle.

"Good Lord," said the bartender, peering at the black haired boy, "is this — can this be — ?"

The Leaky Cauldron had suddenly gone completely still and silent. "Bless my soul," whispered the old bartender, "Harry Potter ... what an honor."

(Y/n) studies the boy for a moment, then he looks over at her, as though sensing her eyes on him.

The old bartender hurries out from behind the bar, rushes towards Harry and seizes his hand, tears in his eyes.

"Welcome back, Mr. Potter, welcome back." The boy didn't seem know what to say. Everyone was looking at him. The old woman with the pipe was puffing on it without realizing it had gone out. Hagrid was beaming.

Then there was a great scraping of chairs and the next moment, Harry was shaking hands with everyone in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Doris Crockford, Mr. Potter, can't believe I'm meeting you at last."

"So proud, Mr. Potter, I'm just so proud."

"Always wanted to shake your hand — I'm all of a flutter."

"Delighted, Mr. Potter, just can't tell you, Diggle's the name, Dedalus Diggle."

"I've seen you before!" said Harry, as Dedalus Diggle's top hat fell off in his excitement. "You bowed to me once in a shop."

"He remembers!" cried Dedalus Diggle.

(Y/n)'s POV

I look up at Professor McGonagall who looks at me with a question evident in her eyes, though I couldn't tell what it was.

McGonagall follows Harry and Hagrid out of the pub, Hermione and I following.

"Told yeh, didn't I? Told yeh you was famous. Even Professor Quirrell was tremblin' ter meet yeh — mind you, he's usually tremblin'." Hagrid was saying.

"Is he always that nervous?" Harry asks.

"Oh, yeah. Poor bloke. Brilliant mind. He was fine while he was studyin' outta books but then he took a year off ter get some firsthand experience. ... They say he met vampires in the Black Forest, and there was a nasty bit o' trouble with a hag — never been the same since. Scared of the students, scared of his own subject — now, where's me umbrella?" Hagrid responds. "Three up ... two across ..." he muttered. "Right, stand back, Harry." He taps the wall three times with the point of his umbrella.

The brick he had touched quivered — it wriggled — in the middle, a small hole appeared — it grew wider and wider — a second later they were facing an archway large enough even for Hagrid, an archway onto a cobbled street that twisted and turned out of sight. Hagrid and Harry proceed to walk through the archway.

McGonagall follows the two and Hermione and I follow close behind.

"The first stop for us is the wizarding bank, Gringotts," McGonagall says leading Hermione and I towards a large, grand, white building that looked over the rest of Diagon Alley.

The doors open and we walk in, the doors closing behind us. We walk over to what looks like a Santa Clause elf - pointy ears and relatively short.

"Good morning," McGonagall says, pulling out a golden key, "we need to visit Miss (L/n)'s vault."

"And does Miss (L/n) have her key?" the goblin asks.

McGonagall hands the goblin the key in her hand. "Very well," he says, handing the key back to McGonagall, who, in turn, hands it to me.

"I'll have someone take you down to the vault. Griphook!"

Griphook was yet another goblin. Hermione, Professor McGonagall, and I follow Griphook towards one of the doors leading off the hall.

Griphook holds the door open for us.

We walk into a narrow stone passageway lit with flaming torches. It slopes steeply downwards and there are little railway tracks on the floor. Griphook whistled and a small cart comes hurtling up the tracks towards us. We climb in and are then off.

When the cart finally stops, the four of us get out stopped in front vault 714.

"Key please," Griphook says and I hand him my key.

I was confused though, because Vault 714 had no keyhole.

Griphook simply examines the key closely, and then hands it back to me. I guessed that they key must just be confidential.

"Stand back," says Griphook importantly. He strokes the door gently with one of his long fingers and it simply melts away. "If anyone but a Gringotts goblin tried that, they'd be sucked through the door and trapped in there," says Griphook.

"How often do you check to see if anyone's inside?" Hermione asks curiously.

"About once every ten years," Griphook answers with a rather nasty grin.

3rd Person POV

Griphook steps aside and (Y/n) and Hermione's eyes go wide at the sheer amount of gold, silver, and bronze coins inside.

"This is mine?" (Y/n) asks Professor McGonagall, who smiles softly, holding out a drawstring bag.

"Your mother was very addiment on leaving most of her gold to you," McGonagall says and (Y/n) nods dumbly as she takes the bag.

Hermione helps (Y/n) scoop some of the coins into the bag. Though they had taken quite a bit of coins, it didn't even seem to make a dent in the large piles.

"The gold ones are Galleons," Professor McGonagall explains as (Y/n) studies a wooden box in front of the truckloads of gold coins. "There are seventeen silver Sickles to a galleon and twenty-nine Knuts to a Sickle."

(Y/n) nods absently as she opens the box, Hermione next to her.

Inside, she sees a stack of letters and a few pictures.

Hermione holds out her bag, and (Y/n) closes the box, placing it inside the bag.

(Y/n) smiles gratefully at her sister as Hermione pulls her backpack back onto her back.

One wild cart ride later, the three stand blinking in the sunlight outside Gringotts.

Hermione pulls out her letter, and (Y/n) reads over her sister's shoulder:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

Uniform

First-year students will require:

1. Three sets of plain work robes (black) 2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear 3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar) 4. One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

Course books:

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)by Miranda Goshawk A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungiby Phyllida Spore Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them by Newt Scamander The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble

Other Equipment:

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2) I set glass or crystal phials 1 telescope 1 set brass scales

Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

"Where do we even start?" Hermione asks in amazement.

"If we get are cauldrons first, we can put our other supplies in it," (Y/n) thinks quickly.

Hermione nods and then both look up to Professor McGonagall, who smiles softly and leads the two to the Apothecary where they pick up two cauldrons and two supplies of basic potions ingredients for Hermione and (Y/n).

"Books now, 'Mione?" (Y/n) asks with a grin as they are about to pass a large bookshop.

Hermione shoots her sister a grin and the two girls walk into the bookshop, McGonagall waiting outside with their cauldrons and potions ingredients.

(Y/n)'s POV

Hermione grabs two of each of our course books while I look around at some of the other books. I grab: Hogwarts: A History, The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts, Modern Magical History, Great Wizarding Events of teh Twentieth Century, and a book that looked like it was for kids titled, The Tales of Beedle the Bard.

The next place we went was called Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Inside were two boys one was the Raven haired boy from the Leaky Cauldron; the other was a short boy with blond hair that was greased back; he had a mean attitude about him.

Harry's POV (A couple minutes before)

Might as well get yer uniform," said Hagrid, nodding toward Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. "Listen, Harry, would yeh mind if I slipped off fer a pick-me-up in the Leaky Cauldron? I hate them Gringotts carts." He did still look a bit sick, so I entered Madam Malkin's shop.

Madam Malkin was a squat, smiling witch dressed all in mauve.

"Hogwarts, dear?" she said, when I started to speak. "Got the lot here – another young man being fitted up just now, in fact."

In the back of the shop, a boy with a pale, pointed face was standing on a footstool while a second witch pinned up his long black robes. Madam Malkin stood me a on stool slipped a long robe over my head, and began to pin it to the right length.

"Hello," said the boy, "Hogwarts, too?"

"Yeah," I said, not really liking him very much.

"My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at wands," said the boy. He had a bored, drawling voice. "Then I'm going to drag them off to took at racing brooms. I don't see why first years can't have their own. I think I'll bully father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow."

"Have you got your own broom?" the boy went on.

"No," I say.

"Play Quidditch at all?"

"Nope," I respond.

"I do – Father says it's a crime if I'm not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree. Know what house you'll be in yet?"

"No," I say. I really don't like this boy, I thought.

"Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know I'll be in Slytherin, all our family have been – imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

"Mmm," I say, wishing I could say something a bit more interesting.

"I say, look at that man!" says the boy suddenly, nodding toward the front window. Hagrid was standing there, grinning at me and pointing at two large ice creams to show he couldn't come in.

"That's Hagrid," I tell him, pleased to know something the boy didn't. "He works at Hogwarts."

"Oh," says the boy, "I've heard of him. He's a sort of servant, isn't he?"

"He's the gamekeeper," I say. I was liking this boy less and less every second.

"Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort of savage – lives in a hut on the school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic, and ends up setting fire to his bed."

"I think he's brilliant," I say coldly.

"Do you?" says the boy, with a slight sneer. "Why is he with you? Where are your parents?"

"They're dead," I say shorty. He seemed not to want to talk to this boy any more than he needed to.

"Oh, sorry," says the other boy, not sounding sorry at all. "But they were our kind, weren't they?"

"They were a witch and wizard, if that's what you mean." I respond.

"I really don't think they should let the other sort in, do you? They're just not the same, they've never been brought up to know our ways."

A tinkling of a bell interrupts the boy. I look over to see two girls walk in.

"Some of them have never even heard of Hogwarts until they get the letter, imagine. I think they should keep it in the old wizarding families. What's your surname, anyway?"

But before I could answer, Madam Malkin says, "That's you done, my dear," and I, not sorry for an excuse to stop talking to the boy, hop down from the footstool.

"Well, I'll see you at Hogwarts, I suppose," says the drawling boy.

3rd Person POV

A few minutes later, (Y/n) and Hermione walk into the bright sunlit alley, their robes folded neatly in a bag.

(Y/n) smiles at Professor McGonagall and places her robes into the cauldron, then (Y/n) lifts up the heavy cauldron, Hermione doing the same with her own.

"What next?" Hermione asks Professor McGonagall.

"You two still need wands," answers McGonagall, pointing towards a store.

As we walk closer, I read the sign, Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.

The three of walk inside. A tinkling bell ring somewhere in the depths of the shop as they step inside, and an old man walks to the desk from teh deep recesses of the shop.

"Hello, good afternoon," the man says. "I am Mr. Ollivander. You two are here for wands I presume?" he asks and Hermione and (Y/n) nod.

"(Y/n) (L/n)," Mr. Ollivander says, "I was wondering if I was going to be seeing you soon." he pauses, looking carefully into (Y/n)'s eyes. "Your mother's eyes." At the statement, (Y/n)'s eyes seem to light up with curiosity. "It seems that only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Twelve inches, ash wood with a unicorn hair core. Good for stubborn and courageous witches and wizards."

Even at this small amount of information, (Y/n) had perked up. Hermione glances over at her adopted sister and feels a rush of pity for her. She can't imagine not knowing who her parents were.

It wasn't that (Y/n) didn't remember, because she did have very vivid nighmares about a car slamming on the brakes, a flash of green light, then red, then everything would go dark. It always ended the same way however, with Mrs. Granger carrying a two year old (Y/n), who was clutching her black and white stuffed cat, back to her home.

(Y/n) wrenches herself out of her thoughts as Ollivander approaches her. He had come so close that he and (Y/n) were almost nose to nose.

"And that's where . . ."

Mr. Ollivander touches the hourglass shaped car on the side of (Y/n)'s neck with a long white finger.

"I'm sorry to say that I sold the wand that did it," he says softly and (Y/n) looks back up into the wand maker's misty silver eyes. "Thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands . . . well, if I'd known what that wand was going out into the world to do . . ."

He stops, and (Y/n) continues to watch the wand maker, her green eyes flashing silver for the second time that day.

Ollivander, as though sensing (Y/n)'s desire to know more, moves onto Hermione, and she quickly revives her "Vine wood, Dragon heart-string, 10 1/4 inches, unyielding" wand.

(Y/n)'s POV

Again, the same process commences with me, but I end up trying more wands then Hermione. Finally, I get my wand, and strangely my, "Alder wood with a Phoenix Feather core, 12 1/4 inches. Alder is an unyielding wood, yet I have discovered that its ideal owner is not stubborn or obstinate, but often helpful, considerate and most likeable. Whereas most wand woods seek similarity in the characters of those they will best serve, alder is unusual in that it seems to desire a nature that is, if not precisely opposite to its own, then certainly of a markedly different type. When an alder wand is happily placed, it becomes a magnificent, loyal helpmate. Alder is also excellent for protection against outside forces, and, when combined with phoenix feather, is a suitable match for a wizard who will "make their mark on this world.'" Mr. Ollivander says, and I look up at him in shock. Hermione hadn't gotten such a lengthy explanation of her wand.

Mr. Ollivander fixes me with his pale stare.

"I remember every wand I've ever sold, Miss (L/n). Every single wand. It so happens that that phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave two other feathers - just two. It is curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother - why, one of it's brothers gave you that scar."

I swallow thickly.

"Your other wand's brother, however, I sold just a mere thirty minutes ago," Ollivander continues, "to a young Harry Potter. Curious how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember . . . I think that we must expect great things from you, Miss (L/n) . . . After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things - terrible yes, but great."

Hermione and I return home a few hours later with Professor McGonagall, me clutching a woven basket that housed my new black and white cat Marvel inside.

3rd Person POV

Before they enter the house McGonagall stops (Y/n) before she can enter.

(Y/n) turns to looks quizzically at the professor.

"Good luck," the Professor says simply, then holds out to train tickets. "These are you and your sister's ticket's for Hogwarts." (Y/n) nods, taking the tickets. "I'll see you on September 1st," McGonagall says. Then the Professor turns around and walks away.

Word Count: 4,100 words

So yeah, here's Chapter 2.

I wonder if any of you know who (Y/n)'s dad is yet. I tried dropping some hints at the very beginning.

So yeah

I'll see y'all soon!

Love y'all!

              Kaitlynn 😍❤️

#hermione granger #harry potter #ron weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #harry potter various x reader #fem reader

[goldenlaquer]

hellooo, how are you? with everything going on right now I'm in need for some cute stuff so how would hijikata, takasugi and gintoki be as dads?

Hi, I’m doing well and I hope you are too! I love this ask. I love babies. I love Gintama. Best of both worlds. But LMAO you chose the top three men who want nothing to do with children. 

Gintama Fluff Headcanons: 

Hijikata Toushirou:

This time, Hijikata stops the half-assed attempts to quit smoking and actually does it. He’s got dozens of nicotine patches lining his arm and nicotine gum that he chews like his life depends on it (and it sort of does). To help things further along, he keeps an image of his child on a cigarette pack, and when the urge to smoke becomes too great, all he has to do is open the box to see that picture, and he’ll be reminded of why he has to stay on track. Still sucks ass though. 

He’s got stellar intuition when it comes to trouble (honed by years of working alongside an amorous gorilla and a homicidal maniac) and it’s especially useful for when his kid tries to get into places they shouldn’t be, like the weapon storage room or, god forbid, the refrigerator. Hijikata will come running and shoot that shit down so fast his kid wouldn’t even know what was coming to ‘em.

Just... just don’t let him prepare baby food. But it’s a different story when he feeds them, and they’re being fussy like all babies do-- that’s when Hijikata lets go of his pride and reluctantly does the airplane noises, complete with the “brrrrrrr” and exaggerated eating motions (Hijikata hates, hates that it works like a damn charm every time.) And oh, does Okita get a kick out of it, snickering and recording videos in the corner like the damn sicko he is. 

The wails. The wails. Coming from the crib at 2 in the morning. Hijikata’s fucking exhausted and he’s got work in the next three hours, but he gets up anyway, peering over in the crib to look at his baby, who immediately stops crying and smiles at the sight of their father, showing teething gums that must have made them cry out from the pain. “You bastard,” Hijikata whispers, pulling his face into a scowl before it melts into a soft smile. “Come here.” He hoists his kid up, slowly pacing the room with them in his arms until they fall asleep. 

And when he leaves the crib, the kid starts crying again, thin and high enough to make his eardrums pop. Goddammit. 

Sakata Gintoki:

ah. his wallet. 

Budgeting is quite literally hell for Gintoki (He still cannot believe that diapers are more important than parfait!) To save a few bucks, he’s in the kitchen, decked out in an apron and cooking baby food for one fussy child who still hasn’t realized that they’re living rent-free in his home.

The perm gene is s t r o n g. His baby came out of the womb with the same cursed hairstyle as him, and it took Kagura’s monstrous strength to stop him from ending his kid’s miserable future and shaving it all off. 

WHY do babies stare so much? Gintoki hates the baby stare. It unnerves him; It’s unnatural to have two little eyes drilling holes into his face, and he can’t exactly beat up his kid for staring too long at him, right? So whenever his kid starts the staring, Gintoki covers their eyes with one, broad hand, turning the daunting situation into a game of reverse peek-a-boo, except where he doesn’t take his hand off for the “peek”. 

When he’s out on jobs, he enlists either Shinpachi or Otose to look after the kid. Shinpachi’s a good, responsible glasses-holder and Otose’s got the grandmother/protective chihuahua vibes going on so Gintoki knows his kid will be safe with her. (Perhaps she’ll be charmed by baby cuteness, and let him off from paying the month’s rent-- which is the real, hidden reason here.) 

Gintoki often takes his child out to the park and plops the both of them down on the bench to people-watch. Gintoki likes to point out the people as they pass by, a sort of cognitive development training for the baby, if you will. “Look closely. That’s a tax thief,” Gintoki points at the Shinsengumi member practicing badminton. At the reply of infant gurgles, he nods gravely in affirmation. “Crawl away if you ever see the mayo freak tax thief, he’s not worth the trouble-- oh, look right there, beneath the cardboards! It’s a madao!”

Gintoki, what are you teaching your baby!

Takasugi Shinsuke:

Babies and Takasugi. Takasugi and babies. The combination is just so odd, like seeing Santa Clause ride a unicorn to Zambia, and it’s equally as whimsical too. 

Fatherhood is a harrowingly slow process for him. He’s not around his child frequently. Partially because of safety precautions, and partially because he has no idea on how to interact with a child properly. Growing up, he hasn’t had the best father figure, so there aren’t a lot of things that he can model his parenting on. Whenever he checks on his kid in the nursery, he keeps an apathetic expression on, analytically looking down at the squirming being in the crib. 

It’s a mental checklist for Takasugi. Alive? Check. Uninjured? Check. Adequate. He can leave now-- 

but children, especially babies, are curious creatures with absolutely no sense of danger. His child knows their father, and even that cold expression on his face can’t keep them from smiling up at the man, holding chubby hands out through the bars of the crib to tug on the sleeves of his kimono. This might be the only time Takasugi hesitates, his fingers involuntarily twitching a moment before he relents and reaches into the crib, gingerly supporting the fragile head and bottom. 

it makes him chuckle a little bit. Many people are scared of him, and for good reasons. But this? This harmless, little thing in his arms? It doesn’t even hesitate to shriek in happiness and clumsily grab at his chin. 

Even if he’s usually absent, Takasugi is surprisingly there for some of his child’s developmental milestones-- for instance, the crawling stage, where his child is grunting with great effort to turn themselves over on their hands and knees. Takasugi silently sits there, a pipe in his hand (but it isn’t lit), watching with an invested interest. 

And when his child eventually succeeds, there is a gleam in his eye, barely perceptible, a small sign of his pride. 

AH I like writing soft Takasugi. I like writing soft Hijikata. I like writing bastard Gintoki.

#gintama #gintama headcanons #gintama imagine #hijikata toushirou #sakata gintoki #takasugi shinsuke #fluff #answered ask #asks closed

[gaystuartlittle]

You seriously have such a gift with writing!! Your new update was just so fantastic and the image of Eddie kicking Richie out of bed is still haunting me!! Also!!! Stan with hickies!!! And from those Christmas prompts I think mixing 13+25 would be so soft and fun if you wouldn’t mind?

Ahhh!!! I am so sorry it took me so long to write this!! And thank you so so so much!!!

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” & “Tell me what you want for Christmas”

Rating: G (pure fluff buddio) Words: 965

Eddie's face perked up as his phone started to buzz. It was time for his nightly call with Richie. Ever since the whole… situation in Derry, they'd been talking every night. Richie had helped Eddie through his divorce, and Eddie had been there for Richie as he panicked about coming out. It was all great.

But there were still things left unsaid. Things that lingered on Eddie's tongue when they said their final goodnight. It was hard, knowing Richie was so far away. He was in New York, Richie was in Los Angeles. But Eddie would take what he could get. He'd take anything if it meant talking to Richie.

"Eddie Spaghetti!" Richie shouted through the phone. Eddie grimaced at the loud volume, but was still happy to hear his voice. 

"Hey, Chee. How was work?" 

"It was alright. Work, ya know. I'm really liking writing my own stuff, though. How about you?"

"Fucking terrible. I don't know why I don't just quit. I hate this stupid fucking job almost as much as I hate this stupid fucking loud city."

There was a comfortable silence while they both thought about the next thing to say. Finally, Eddie piped up.

"So, what are your Christmas plans?"

He heard Richie sigh through the phone. "Oh, probably just getting drunk and eating Chinese food. The usual. You?"

Eddie hesitated. The conversation had been light, but his answer wasn't. "I honestly don't know. It's my first Christmas… alone. And like, I'm glad that it's not with Myra, but it's still weird. No family, no friends, nothing. Just me." Eddie frowned into the phone.

"I'm sorry, Eds. You know I'm always here. I mean, I know I'm several time zones away, but still. I'm always here." Richie paused. And then, "Tell me what you want for Christmas, Eds. Let me make all your Christmas wishes come true."

"Honestly?" Eddie asked. He wasn't sure if he should say you. He didn't know if that would make things too real.

"Yeah, honestly. No matter what it is, I'll make it happen."

"I wanna see you."

He heard Richie's breath hitch through the phone. He knew it was probably too much, that he had probably scared him off. But then Richie's soft voice carried through the phone.

"I wanna see you, too, Eds. I miss you like crazy." 

Eddie smiled. He knew it was improbable, knew that Richie had gigs over the holidays. It's a popular time for comedy. Eddie guesses it's because people need a break from their families. Everything was quiet for a while. And then their conversation picked back up, and it was normal. They talked about their days and joked around. Richie tried some new material out on Eddie, and as much as Eddie wanted to criticize it, he couldn't help but let out an absurdly loud laugh. Richie was the funniest person in the world to Eddie.

---

Weeks passed, and Eddie tried not to think about that conversation. It was Christmas Eve, and he was sitting on his couch alone, uncorked wine bottle in hand. He missed Richie. He always missed Richie. He was contemplating whether watching Richie's new Netflix special would just make things worse when he heard a knock at the door. His mind immediately flashed to the worst: Myra coming by and being possessive. He dodged all of her calls, so he wouldn't even know if she tried to tell him she was coming over.

Except when he opened the door, it wasn't the worst. It was the best. Staring back at him, through thick-rimmed glasses, was Richie, complete with an ugly Christmas sweater and a Santa hat. He had a duffle bag slung over his shoulder and a grin on his face.

"What? You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you? Now are you gonna let me in, or just stand there staring at me like you've just seen mommy kissing Santa Clause. Which, by the, she did, and-"

Eddie cut him off with a kiss. Partially because he just wanted Richie to shut up, but partially because that was all he wanted at this moment. When they separated, Eddie stepped to the side to let Richie in. But Richie just stood there, dumbfounded. Eddie started to panic.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have just-"

Now it was Richie who cut him off with a kiss. He stepped through the door frame, crowding Eddie's space and pressing their lips together. His hands came up to cup Eddie's face, and Eddie sighed into the kiss. When they separated this time, both men were blushing. Eddie didn't know you could blush so furiously at 40.

"If I had known you wanted to kiss me, I would have flown out here literally months ago," Richie said breathlessly. Eddie let out a little chuckle. Then Richie extended his arm, holding out a poorly wrapped gift for Eddie.

"Oh, Rich. I didn't get you anything. I mean, I didn't know you were coming, but still."

"It's alright. That kiss was the best Christmas present I could ask for. It's way better than this crap," Richie said, motioning towards the box in his hand. Eddie took it, unwrapping it to find a plane ticket. He looked up at Richie puzzlingly. 

"I figured you could come out to LA. Move, even, if you want. I know you hate it here, and I have an extra room, so." Richie was shuffling nervously, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. Eddie just smiled.

"My only complaint there is the extra room. If it's alright with you, I'd like to share," Eddie said as he leaned up to press a gentle kiss to Richie's kiss.

Eddie thought it was pretty safe to say that this Christmas turned out way better than he expected.

#answered #whereshallwestart #caroline writes #reddie #reddie fluff #fanfiction #fanfic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #ficmas #jack dylan grazer #finn wolfhard #bill hader #james ransone #it chapter one #it chapter two #it #mine

[thedreammweaver]

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 2 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald)

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

Warnings: jokes about appearance altering surgery

Oswald was thrown back against the seat at the reindeer took off which made Gertrud laugh. Before he could even begin to adjust to what was happening they had landed on another rooftop. “What the hell...?”

“I think you should put on the suit and go down the chimney.” Gertrud suggested. Oswald looked at her wide eyed “Excuse me?? No!”

“You never do anything I want to do!”

“Seriously, where is this coming from?”

“You didn’t help me decorate this year or bake with me like you used to. You promised you’d be home in time for dinner six times and everytime you didn’t show. I’m not even planning anything for tomorrow night because I just know you’ll leave me sitting there alone. You didn’t do any Christmas shopping with me and you’ve been determined to make this the loneliest Christmas ever so will you please indulge me just once this month?!” She finished, there were angry tears in her eyes. Oswald felt guilt eating at him, especially as he knew what it was like to be stood up for dinner. Now his thoughts were drifting to Edward and Isabella which only soured his mood more. Oswald glared at Gertrud before relenting as the kicked puppy look she gave him was too much to bear “Fine! I will put this definitely filthy suit on but I am not going down a random person’s chimney!” He angrily took off his robe to start putting on the suit which was of course huge on him “Christ, this guy was enormous.” Oswald mumbled, adjusting the suspenders on the pants. He rolled his eyes as he put the coat on, he could only imagine the state of uncleanliness it must be in. Once it was on Gertrud scooted over to do up the sash for him. “Are you happy now?” He asked, disdain in his voice. “Not quite, I wanted you to go down the chimney..”

“Mom, I am not doing tha-“ Oswald stopped talking as he felt something wrap around his wrist, he looked down to see that a large maroon sack with a golden rope that had been in the back of the sleigh was now moving by itself, the rope around his wrist as the bag dragged along the roof towards the chimney. “Oh no, no, no, this is not happening.” The bag jerked forward bringing Oswald out of the sleigh with it as if in direct retaliation. He tried to wrench his hand out of the rope but it wouldn’t budge as the bag started dragging him faster towards like a very insistent big dog. There was no way the thing would actually drag him down the chimney, right? Right?? The bag suddenly sped up and leaped, if a bag could leap, into the chimney bringing Oswald with it. He expected to land headfirst but as he found himself in the fireplace below he realized he was upright. The bag was still now and the rope fell from his hand. Still reeling, he was somewhat on autopilot as he took a teddy bear with a red ribbon around it’s neck out of the sack and placed it under the tree, he was just remembering himself enough to worry about getting back up the chimney when the sack very suddenly dragged him back up.

Oswald was shaking soot out of his hair as the sack pulled him back towards the sleigh. Gertrud was excitedly clapping for him and bouncing in her seat. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” He huffed, throwing the sack into the back of the sleigh and sitting down “I would very much appreciate going home now.” Gertrud looked disappointed as Oswald grabbed the reins and snapped them hoping that would make the reindeer go which it did but they just moved to another rooftop close by. Oswald gritted his teeth “I said I wanted to go home!” Before Oswald could complain anymore the rope of the sack was wrapping around his wrist again. Oswald was being dragged out of the sleigh once more but his reluctance soon turned to panic when he realized he was being pulled towards a small pipe in the roof that there was no way he could fit through. He dug his heels into the snow beneath him but that only made him loose his balance which made it easier for the bag to drag him down the pipe. A sort of fuzzy feeling engulfed him and he found himself once again somehow upright in a fireplace that had apparently appeared for him. Once again as if following an instinct he dragged the bag over to the tree. As he was rummaging through it he was briefly startled by a small sound, like the coo of a dove. “Santa?” There was a little girl wrapped up in a quilt on the couch who was now sitting up to look at him curiously.

“Oswald Cobblepot.” He said flatly.

“I thought Santa was supposed to look old.”

Oswald huffed “I got a facelift.”

“Why don’t you have a beard?”

“Had to shave it for the facelift. Keep up, kid.”

“Why are your clothes so baggy?”

“Liposuction. Santa’s having a midlife crisis, alright? Having some work done. Do you want this doll or not?” He asked impatiently, bringing a raggedy ann doll out of the bag and waving it bag and forth a bit. The girl laid back down on the couch and Oswald unceremoniously tossed the doll next to the other presents under the tree. As he stepped back into the fireplace the girl was still watching him “Shut your eyes.” He growled. The girl did so and Oswald lightly kicked the bag at his feet prompting it to drag him back up the small opening he’d come through.

Though this whole thing was weird, spending time with Gertrud and seeing her so delighted was nice and Oswald found himself starting to enjoy delivering gifts, though he didn’t enjoy being pushed around by a bag. He was almost sad when the sun started coming up, tinting the clouds a beautiful pinkish orange as it did so, and the bag ceased to move or have more presents magically appear in it. As the reindeer took off from their last stop he felt himself falling asleep on Gertrud’s shoulder, he made a mental note to apologize to her later for being so distant. He figured this was just suppressed guilt manifesting in a weird dream, he would make it all up to her when he woke up.

#oswald cobblepot #gertrud kapelput #gotham au #the Santa clause au