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icedmetaltea · 3 months

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Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

#irl stuff #vent #tw anxiety #tw panic attacks #tw suicide #tw mental health #journal #kinda

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dontlookheswatching · 2 months

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Okay here are the doodles! They all feature Ben, in ways that can be seen as either friendship or as a ship, I dont mind what you see it as although a few I did make specifically to be seen as a ship, because while they aren't a canon couple in au, my god they are so adorable and I can't help but draw them anyways-😭

There will be some lore underneath the pictures, and also I'll discuss a little more about the relationship chart and character refs im working on afterward

Okay, lore time. Im not a big pokémon fan. Nor am I big on the pokepastas, which seem, to me, to have honestly spiraled into their own mini fandom on the sides of creepypasta, which is actually pretty cool, I'd love to explore more of it, but again, im not big on pokémon, I've only played like two or three games throughout my life, and I just can't find the interest to do it. My sincere apologies if my lore for Silver upsets anyone who is super big on Pokémon or pokepastas for not being accurate, but then again, that's what headcanons are for, things that aren't canon. I've tried doing little research and the closest thing I could come close to developing lore for Silver was 'Snow on Mt Silver'. Im not sure if its the same character or something entirely different, so bare with me as I say im merging the two ideas from each into one. Now, lets get this mess over with because I have no idea what I'm doing im kinda revamping my own lore as I write this😭

If anyone noticed, on the birthday chart I have, next to Silvers name, in parentheses, is the name;

Jae-Ing.

It doesn't sound like an American name, now does it? No, thats because, im my lore, Silver had a life before death, he isn't just a glitch in the coding and what not. He was Korean. Throughout the more I explain, the more resemblance you'll see in Ben's story, thus why they get together well, because they share a somewhat same experience.

Going to a private high school in Korea wasn't easy. At all. 'Jae' didn't have it eady, either. He had to have a job ontop of all the schoolwork he was required to do to help his mother pay off the payments for attending a private high school. His father is out of the picture, having died before Jae was even born. He and his mother were extremely close, and even though they struggled at times, they never let their bond break.

Jae was 16 the year he died. He was a big fan of Pokémon, owning every game possible and knowing every small detail. He was harassed and bullied for his interests, and was always considered a nerd, barely having any friends. He was considered an outcast, and was always excluded of things other students did. He was very intelligent though, and did well in school.

Of course, that didn't matter to the other students.

Nearing the end of the year, staff had presented a field trip, one that would last three days, to hike Mt Hallasan. It was winter, however, so the mountain was covered in snow, so students were told to be extra prepared and to be cautious and stay within their assigned groups and to NOT leave the trail.

Jae wasn't going to go, but his mother had insisted on it, saying it would be a fun experience, and that he deserves a break anyways. So he went.

Not having any friends is why the whole trip backfired on Jae's side.

He was paired with kids who had commonly made fun of him, and being on an exciting field trip was no excuse. They'd constantly steal his things, such as his small console he kept with him in which he'd play his favorite games on. Or sometimes jackets or blankets he so very needed.

He was miserable and wanted to go home, but it was too late to turn back by the time the though occured to him.

On the second to last night, when their group had finally managed to reach the top, they thought it'd be funny to fall behind their supervisor, to walk with Jae, who walked behind all of them, to suddenly act like friends, forcing them all to walk slower and slower until the supervisor was far enough ahead to where he didn't notice one of the girls start pushing him as they resumed their bullying tactics. She kept pushing and pushing, trying to get him to fight, but Jae wasn't the fighting time.

She got angry, and kept pushing, until, before someone could say something, she pushed him over the edge of the trail, down a steep hill.

They ran off.

Didn't look back, didn't bother to try and help him. Instead, they ran, not wanting to be caught at the scene.

The impact left Jae scratched up and bruised. One arm was broken. He couldn't get back up to the trail, especially with a broken arm. He tried to find a way down the mountain, a way to find help. But night fell quickly and made it impossible to see. The temperatures dropped. His limbs began to freeze as he got colder and colder. He kept his bag close, scared. Scared, alone, nearing death. He kept going until he physically couldn't. Until his body gave out and left him a lying heap in the snow.

He died. Cold. Frozen, black limbs. Alone, scared, wishing he stayed home with his mother. Oh, and how the news broke her when her sons body was eventually discovered.

His soul was sucked into his console, into the very game world he loved, due to dark magics of some sort that I might explain in another post.

He lost any memory of his former life. He didn't know why he was so sad, why he was always scared, why he didn't like the cold. He didn't have the answers to his questions. He still doesn't to this day, even after exiting the console by the force of Slenderman and with the help of Ben.

He is yet to remember his past. But perhaps for now its a mercy that he doesn't.

---

ANYWAYS yeah that's my take on Lost Silver. Its kinda shitty and definitely not canon but it's whatever.

Moving on, I finally have the icons done that I'll be using for the relationship chart!

All I have to do now is digitalize them, make the chart, and boom, it'll be done. FinaLLY. so expect that MAYBE later today or tomorrow, we'll find out and see which happens first.

Now, about the character refs. I plan on doing them for Ben(which is done), Jeff(Hes next), Toby, Liu, and EJ, as they'll probably be the most frequently seen on the blog.

I would like to mention the fact my ref for Ben was a total flop. Its quite saddening especially since I spent more than a day on it, but its in the past, and can't control everyone's preferences. Hopefully the ones in the future will be more appealing, and if not, oh well, that just means I've got work to do and revamping and redoing them, because there's always room for improvement. I'd like to thank everyone real quick for the support I've already received so far, because even if the ref was a flop, im still extremely grateful for everything else!

Anyways thats the end of my super long post thank you goodbye im going to sleep this was too much writing

#creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #ben drowned #art #creepypasta art #gaymer ramble #gaymer art #bendrowned #Lost silver #Ben drowned #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta fanart

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mlovesstories · 2 years

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Let’s Talk

Warnings: not eating, depression, low self-esteem

Words: None

Summary: Dean fights to get his sister back. Her brain is holding her hostage.

I just quit a job that wasn’t great but wasn’t terrible either. It was time to move on, however. Sam and Dean were proud of me; it was a step up from where I had been. Anyway- my previous job was different from the one I’m currently in and dreading unbelievably. I’m alone a lot of the time now because I work from home sometimes. It’s been an adjustment. I think they saw me withdrawing. I felt the sadness of being by myself and they did too. Being big brothers, they checked on me a lot more.

“Please, I’ve got work to do, and I need to check in with my supervisor. Can you please leave?” I begged but not in a whiny way.

“Fine. Eat your lunch though. It better be in your stomach and not on the plate when I come back to get it. When you’re finished, just put it outside your door.”

“This isn’t room service, Dean. I can take care of my own dishes. I’m twenty-two. I’m a big girl.”

“Just eat, okay?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, yeah,” I rolled my eyes at him.

“You may be an adult, but I can still kick your ass.” Dean narrowed his gaze at me. I looked away. “Do good. I’ll check in with you later.”

“Okay,” I sighed as he closed the door. Three hours later, I stood from my desk and walked out to the living room with my plate. Sam and Dean were watching TV. “Hey.” I continued toward the sink and washed my dish.

“Did you eat?”

I took a deep breath.

“Stop bugging her,” I heard Sam whisper. I closed my eyes for a moment.

“I’m done with my work for the day.” I dried my plate and put it away.

“I know you heard me.” Dean paused the movie playing and glared at me.

“What, Dean?” I huffed.

“Did you eat all of your food?”

I had enough of his questions. I was going through a lot without him bugging the crap out of me, and I was done with it. I walked up behind him and slapped the back of his head.

“Ass!” He hopped up from the couch. “What was that for?”

“For-” I stopped. I realized in that moment I wasn’t really sure why I had done it. “For bugging me! I’m not okay, and you just keep shoving it in my face.” Growling, I squared myself, ready for a verbal fight. Trying to show confidence, I lifted my chin to stare at him. His tight jaw relaxed. My fighting spirit faltered a little at the sudden soften on his face.

“I told you,” Sam gritted his teeth, aiming his comment at Dean. “You aren’t helping.”

“At least I’m talking to her about it! At least we are getting somewhere!”

You need to know something about me. I’m not like Sam or Dean. I’m not tough. If one of them raises their voice at me, I crumble. Sam’s quieter and more reserved than Dean, but Dean is older, so he is loud and always in charge. Because of this, I lost it, but I didn’t know what to do.

“I- I-” I closed my mouth.

“You what? You’ve been hiding for days. You can’t do that.” Dean got close to me, but I could tell Sam was anxious. He stood between me and Dean. He always did when Dean came down hard on me.

“Dean, relax. Step back.”

“You’re scaring me, Dean.” I barely got it out before he relaxed his face a tad more and took a step back just once.

“Well, you’re scaring me, so I guess we’re even then.” Dean turned around and sat on the couch again.

“I don’t mean to,” I whispered and unconsciously stood behind Sam for protection from my upset brother.

“Just- come sit down, and let’s talk.”

@metalfangirl @squirrelnotsam

Forevers:

@katymacsupernatural @unicornblood4ever

@fangirl-moment-x @empirialwolf @winchesters-favorite-girl

@super100012 @percywinchester27 @waywardsuns @supernatural-jackles

@mcallmestiles @sdavid09 @kingandrear @bellero @skylarraker

@seality @jaycc7983 @luci-in-trenchcoats

@cherryblossomflowers @because-you-never-know-when

@sleepylunarwolf @choosemyname

@internationalmusicteacher @mersuperwholocked-lowlife

@encounterthepast @torn-and-frayed

@giggles1026 @xiumin-girl99

@mangueweaschester

@idksupernatural @silverstripe101a

@thevelvetseries @samsgirl93 @supernatural3002 *

* @breereadsthings *

@vicmc624 @hookedinto-fictionalworlds @beatifuldisaster018

@miraclesoflove @myopiamystical

@waywardnewcomer

@akshi8278

#supernatural #SUPERNATURAL AU #mlovesstories #mlovesstoriesletstalk #dean winchester x sister!reader #sam winchester x sister

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petri808 · 8 months

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Day 4 @flufftober - “Cinderella moment” Bakudeku

Through her own stymied tears, she pulls her son Izuku into her lap to explain how daddy is not coming home anymore. At first, the three-year-old doesn’t say a word and only looks at her with his head tilted in confusion. Again, she tries.

“Izuku, papa is going away and won’t be coming back.”

“Papa weave? Why?” His eyes are wide and curious.

Is there even a right way to tell a child their parent won’t be coming home? “He, um… has something he thinks is important to do.”

“Oh,” Izuku pats his mom’s face reassuringly. Perhaps he’s too young to fully grasp the gravity of her statements or due to the man barely being around anyway, Izuku’s connection to him is simply too weak. “It’s oh-kay, momma, we be okay, wite?”

Inko Midoriya is like most mothers who’ll do anything for their children. It isn’t their fault that she picked the wrong man to have a child with and they never asked to be born. So, it didn’t matter how hard she’d have to work— anything to help her child succeed. She pulls her son into a hug, “yes, we’ll definitely be okay! I promise.” After leaning back and clasping his cheeks in her hands, “And when one day you find someone you love, it won’t be like you’re papa and I— they’ll love you and cherish you just like I do.”

“Ewww, mama, das gwose!”

That makes Inko snort a laugh, oh the wonders of a child’s mind and heart. She pulls his face closer and gives him a peck on his forehead. “You’re right,” since it’s nothing he needs to think about now, “leave it to mama, it’ll be my wish for you.”

Life isn’t always fair, and if anyone knows how true the adage is, Izuku Midoriya does. Growing up, it was just him and his mother Inko once his father had left them high and dry. He was too young at the time to remember the man, but his absence is certainly felt every time he looks at his single mother. Inko worked 1 or 2 jobs to support them, which often left Izuku to his own devices. He cooked his own meals and did house chores on top of his school work, but he never felt any ill will over it because he knew she is doing her best. When he turns 15, Izuku even offers to get a job to contribute, but his mother adamantly refuses because she knows the path to success lay in education. So, to honor her wishes, he studies hard to achieve good grades and rarely dips below the top 5 percentile of his class. Then all that hard work pays off when he is accepted into Waseda University with a full scholarship in data engineering.

After college, Izuku found a job working in the IT department of a large manufacturing company. There are different engineers that focus on different areas of the business such as sales performance or raw materials to labor hours by department, designing programs and systems to collect the data and turn them into understandable reports. It’s where he’s remained for ten years. During that time, he works his way up, and now his job is to maintain the overall operating system of the entire company. It’s his job to make sure all the systems are working together or to step in and help as needed. In a way, he’s one step lower than a supervisor, but he has no aspirations to take that position either.

It’s not a bad job or place to work at all. Their office is located on the fourth floor, divided with cubicles, and separated by speciality. Because of his role, Izuku’s cubicle is next to the supervisors office along with two other data engineer assistants who he assigns jobs to work on. Their supervisor, Toshinori Yagi, is a good boss, fair and firm in his decisions, and a brilliant engineer in his own right. He is much older than Izuku and sometimes acts more like a father figure than a supervisor. They often work closely on bigger projects, take lunch breaks together, and Izuku fills in from time to time when Yagi cannot make it to a meeting.

The only annoyance comes from his two assistants, who if they weren’t so good at their programming skills he would’ve let go by now. Neito Monoma has a very snobbish attitude and feels he should have Izuku’s position, while Seiji Shishikura is similar, but has no aspirations for management. Except for the occasional whispering or snarky comments, they’ve never come out and said anything to him. However, according to other employees, they make fun of him and say mean things like he’s not as good as he thinks he is or his personality is so bland no wonder he’s still single. Never mind that it took him almost ten years of working double time to gain the respect he has. His performance speaks for itself.

One of the company’s suppliers is holding a party to celebrate their 75th Anniversary, and on the day of the event, Yagi calls Izuku into his office.

“Is something wrong?” Izuku asks as he walks in, “a system go down?”

“No,” Yagi gestures for Izuku to sit on the chair across from him. “I have a big favor to ask.”

“Sure, whatever you need.”

“You know about the party at Dynaspark Industries tonight that I’m to attend?”

“Yeah…” Red flags are going up in Izuku’s mind.

“I need you to go in my stead because I have another meeting to go to.”

Izuku pops up from the chair. “WHAT?”

“I know you really don’t like large gatherings, but every supervisor is required to attend and since I cannot, as my assistant, we need you to go.”

“B-But Toshinori-San,” he waves his hands up and down, gesturing to his clothing. “I don’t even own a suit!”

“Don’t worry, I figured as much. That’s why I’ve already contacted a tailor to get you fitted for one— don’t worry about cost, it’s covered. I’m letting you leave now to go to the shop and get ready. A company car will pick you up from the tailors and take you to the party.” Yagi gets out of his chair and stands next to Izuku, then hands him a gift to take and gestures to the door. “So, get going.”

Holding the gift with both hands in front of him, Izuku is as stiff as a board like he’s just seen a ghost. “I-I’ll do my best, Toshinori-San.”

Yagi puts his hand on the man’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine. Just mingle a little, find their IT supervisor to chat with. A couple hours should be sufficient and the car will take you home from there.”

Two hours later finds Izuku standing on a stool in a tailors shop while the owner and assistants figure out a suit that will fit him in color and style. To the untrained eye, it’s just a regular looking business suit, but a puckered seam here or there or a tie tied incorrectly is extremely unsightly in the business world. The one they chose for him is a dark gray, almost black jacket and pants over a white button up, and finished with a deep reddish orange tie and matching handkerchief. It looks quite good on him, he must say, though he feels strange wearing it— Like is this what his father looks like in a suit? That’s not something he wants to envision.

After some finishing touches, the company car takes him to the main offices of Dynaspark Industries. A receptionist in the lobby directs him where to go, a large conference room on the sixteenth floor. When the doors of the elevator open, Izuku had’nt expected almost the whole floor to be an open space! It gave no time to prepare his nerves. There is one other couple in front of the reception table, so as he waits, Izuku tries to get a flow for the room. Where’s the food or drinks? Near the bank of windows that stretch the length of the right side of the room. Looks like there’s a bar too. Are there any tables or chairs set up? Yes, raised bar-types scattered around the room. Stage? No, but there’s a podium against the far back wall. Restroom signs? Yup, to the left. On the off-chance, does he recognize anyone? Nope. And what is the IT supervisors name again?

They’re given a clip-on name tag that provides the last name, company affiliation, and title. Well, that is certainly handy. So, Izuku hands the receptionist the gift while asking her to point out the IT supervisor for him, thanks her for the information, then heads in that direction. The man is standing about 10 feet from the bar holding a bottle of beer and talking to someone. The supervisor’s name is Eijiro Kirishima and he’s looks around the same age as Izuku. According to Yagi, he’s been the supervisor for only two years having replaced the previous one when that person retired. Eijiro must have seen him coming, because once he’s a few feet away, the man waves and calls out Midoriya-San!

“Hello, Kirishima-San,” Izuku bows and hands the man his business card. “Thank you for having me. I’m sorry that Toshinori-San couldn’t come instead.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve wanted to meet you anyways.” After giving Izuku his business card, Eijiro turns to the other person he’s talking to and gestures at them. “Midoriya-San, this is Iida-San, he’s from the accounting department.”

“Hello, Iida-San, it’s nice to meet you.” Izuku bows and hands the man his business card who reciprocates with his own. The man is a foot taller and wears glasses. He notes Iida’s first name is Tenya.

“Nice to meet you as well,” Tenya bows, then readjusts his glasses. “Did Toshinori-San retire? Are you the new supervisor?”

“No, no,” Izuku waves his hands as if to erase such a statement from the air. “He has another meeting to attend, so he asked me to come instead.”

Eijiro bumps his shoulder against Izuku’s in a teasingly tone. “I hear Midoriya-San is the top IT person next to Toshinori. Nobody can program better than he can!”

“Eh!” Izuku’s cheeks flush redder than a ripe strawberry. “I-I wouldn’t say that!”

“Oh, don’t be modest,” Eijiro continues to tease, “maybe I should steal you from him,” he laughs.

“You shouldn’t tease so much,” Tenya scolds. “You’re making him embarrassed.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Eijiro apologizes in humorous tone. “I tend to go overboard. Anyway,” he holds up an empty bottle, “I need a refill— Midoriya, drink?” He motions with his head towards the bar.

The two men grab drinks and settle on some chairs near a few other employees. The conversations are going well as they discuss some of the types of programs they’re working on recently, or about a new virus that’s going around, what do they like to do on their days off, food or movie genres, etc. A couple of hours goes by and the beginning jitters Izuku felt have melted away thanks to the courage juice, rather he’s feeling pretty good now. Eijiro is a great host too, introducing Izuku to everyone they encounter. He’s gathered quite a lot of business cards from this party so far. Yagi will be surprised.

While Izuku is standing around just listening to the conversation going on between Eijiro and two other employees named Shouto Todoroki and Momo Yaoyorozu from the sales department, he’s oblivious to how close they are to another group. The conversation is something about another good restaurant that Shouto found recently to take clients to and what the food is like. Everything Shouto describes sounds delicious and Izuku makes a mental note to look up the restaurant later. Suddenly, someone bumps into Izuku’s back, not very hard, but enough to tense the front of his feet to tense up for support. He turns around at the same as the other person.

“Sorry for that,” the yellow-haired man apologizes, but then his expression abruptly changes from normal to surprised to happy almost instantly.

“Oh, it’s okay,” Izuku smiles wide. “I was too close as well.”

The man smiles with a light chuckle, “You’d say something like that.”

Confused, Izuku immediately moves to ask the man what he meant, but in the same moment, another man walks up and tells the yellow-haired man that he’s needed up front.

The man nods in acknowledgement, then quickly finishes addressing Izuku before leaving with the messenger. “Don’t leave, okay?”

Izuku is even more confused now, but there’s nothing he can do about it. “Okay…” He’s not sure what the man meant by don’t leave. Leave where? This spot or the party?

“And that is our big boss,” Eijiro can now cut in and introduce the man. “Bakugou-San is the son of the President and the current Vice President.”

“Wow, so young to be a vice president,” Izuku is captivated, “must be nice.”

Eijiro laughs, “Not having to worry about anything, I’d say so, but he’s not the type to flaunt his money. In fact I get the feeling it annoys him,” he shrugs. At least, that’s the impression Katsuki Bakugou gives off when women try to gain his attention. “Nothing we’ll ever understand.”

Izuku chuckles, “so, true.”

At about 9 pm, the president of the company gives a thank you speech for everyone who attended to celebrate their companies 75th Anniversary. This company was started by her father and in the near future her son will become the third generation owner. Izuku hadn’t known the president is a woman which is rare, but he can tell from all the employees around the room she is highly respected. It makes him think of his mom… women are so much stronger than society credits them for. At the end of the speech, they are asked to raise their glasses in a celebratory kanpai (toast) and wished safe travels when they return home.

With another hour left of the party, Izuku decides it’s time he should leave. He does work in the morning after all and it’s already 10pm. Having forgotten Katsuki’s request, Izuku goes around and says his goodbye’s to the new acquaintances he’s made, then heads for the restroom. The car ride will be at least 20 minutes and with the amount of alcohol in his system, well… let’s just say its a precaution.

Izuku pushes the restroom door open without thinking much of it when— a BANG! Followed immediately by cursing. Oh, no he hit someone! He quickly goes inside and sees a man hunching over the sink holding his nose. “I’m so, so sorry!” He rushes over to see the damage. “Oh, no you’re bleeding?!” Izuku pulls the handkerchief from his breast pocket. “Here,” he hands it to the man yet also guides it to his nose and presses it to the nostrils as he tips his head back. “Should I call 911?”

“No.” The man nasally mumbles. “Don’t think its broken.”

“B-Broken??” Izuku feels like he’s gonna faint. This evening has gone so well, and to end like this? Why him? “W-What should I do?”

“Just keep holdin’ it there.”

“O-Okay.” Izuku does as hes told, but continues to chatter nervously, apologizing over and over. Telling the man how he’s guest from a manufacturing company who is filling in last minute for someone else and how he hadn’t planned on staying this late, but he is having so much fun, but he thinks he drank too much, that’s why he wasn’t paying attention and ended up hitting him with the door and how he’ll make this up to him somehow, eventually rambling about his life and how it was tough growing up because they didn’t have much, but that his life turned out okay and hes happy for the most part…

After several minutes, the man finally speaks up. “Still rambling huh, but it’s amusing.”

The comment causes Izuku to blush. He doesn’t know how to respond, so he changes the topic. “I think it’s stopped bleeding.” he points out as he moves the handkerchief out of the way. “Looks like it’s stopped for now.”

The man too looks at the handkerchief and sees the drying blood. “Yeah, I’ll probably go to the doctor in the morning.”

When the man turns to look at Izuku, all the blood rushes from his cheeks. With the alcohol wearing off, it finally clicks— It’s the VP of the company! The president’s son that’ll take over one day. Of all the people he could’ve hit. “Well, then…” Izuku back peddles for the door as he continues to apologize. “Since it’s stopped, I should get going ‘cause the drivers waiting for me.”

“Wait!”

Katsuki gestures for him to stop, but Izuku keeps going. He puts his hands together in a prayer pose. “Again, I am so so sorry!” Then leaves the restroom.

The second hes out the door Izuku beelines it for the elevator and thankfully it’s already waiting for more passengers. When he reaches the car, he realizes he forgot the handkerchief, but oh well, they can take it out of his pay cause hes not going back there. What a mess. By the time Izuku reaches his apartment his nerves are so wracked, with a quick shower he passes out with a prayer on his mind. There’s no way he’ll get out of this without at least some kind of punishment like a demotion or worst case, being fired. It’s the vice president, after all.

When Izuku wakes up the next morning he contemplates calling in sick. Is the fact he has no voice messages on his cell phone yet a good sign? Ugh, he hangs his head. No, he needs to go to work if at all to bring the suit back. Plus, he’s not someone who’d run from consequences if it’s his fault. So, he puts the suit into the garment bag it came with along with the shoes, grabs his back pack and heads to the train station.

Izuku takes a deep breath as he walks into their office and heads straight to his bosses office where he can see Yagi already in. It’s gonna be okay, he tells himself like a mantra. Whatever happens, he’ll deal with it. He knocks and walks in. “Good morning Toshinori-San.”

“Ah! Midoriya-San! Sit, sit," he gestures at the chair. "How was the party? Did you have fun?"

"Oh, yes, Kirishima-San was very nice and introduced me to a lot of people so I was able to make many new connections."

"That sounds wonderful! I figured it'd be okay since you two are closer in age." Yagi then gestures at the garment bag. "You can take a long lunch today and return the suit please."

"Sure! I can do that."

"Good, well we'll touch base again later about the sale project programming, but I need to get to a meeting soon."

Izuku stands up and bows. "Thank you, Toshinori-San."

At his cubicle, Izuku hangs the garment bag on the wall of the cubicle and flops into his seat. That went well. No one from Dynaspark has contacted Yagi or the company because Yagi would have also heard about it. Why not? It seems quite odd, but Izuku takes it as a tentative sign he's fine. He did apologize profusely and attended to the mans nose, so perhaps the VP holds no grudges over an accident. And if so, it makes Izuku respect him and his company even more. Still, he should send a formal apology gift, so after work that'll be the first thing he takes care of.

The first four hours goes by very quickly because shortly after starting, Izuku is called to help someone in accounting whose computer is freezing. At first they can't figure out why, but eventually they discover a virus has tagged onto a received email and started trying to shut the computer down. That takes him three hours because once he stopped the virus he still needed to go through each system to make sure everything is okay, as well as fix anything that was altered. Things have been going so well, he forgets all about the restroom incident and just does his job like normal. Finally, 11:30 am rolls around and he's free. So he grabs the garment bag and heads out after notifying the two assistants he'll be back late because of the extra stop.

Around 12:30 pm, there's a knock at the IT office door. Because of the potential trade secrets, only authorized individuals have key codes to access the door. An employee closest to the door answers and finds Katsuki wearing an expensive looking outfit who asks to see the supervisor. With Yagi and Izuku out of the office and assuming based on appearance this might be important, the woman takes Katsuki to one of Izuku's assistants.

When Katsuki walks up to the cubicle, Monoma stops what he's doing to stand and address him. "How may I help you?"

"My name is Bakugou from Dynaspark industries and I'm looking for Midoriya."

Monoma gives Shishikura a mischievous look before he answers. "Oh, I'm very sorry you came all this way, but he was fired this morning."

"Fired?" Katsuki questions, taken aback. "What for?"

"I’m sorry I don't know sir," Monoma shrugs, "but they didn't give us the details."

"I hope it wasn't—" Katsuki mumbles then stops. "Thank you for the information. I'll let myself out."

Stunned and troubled, Katsuki starts to leave and even contemplates going straight to the President to ask why they would fire such a valuable employee. But by the time he reaches the lobby on the first floor, he realizes it's not his business to question someone else's decisions. He’d waited too long before, and now he’s done it again. After walking about ten feet out the front doors onto the plaza fronting the building, Katsuki stops walking and pulls the handkerchief out of his pocket. He had so hoped to find it's owner. With a solemn sigh, he starts walking again, but as he looks up, he sees Izuku coming in his direction.

Katsuki perks up instantly and starts to wave and call for the man. "Midoriya!"

When he's within five feet, Izuku stops, completely surprised. Is he here to give him a bill? But he’s smiling... "B-Bakugou-San?? What are you doing here?"

"Your handkerchief," Katsuki holds it up. "You don't remember me, but I remember you from Waseda University." He smiles and his eyes drift up in reminiscence. "The sweet freckle-faced guy who was so focused in class. Quiet but friendly and cute. Sometimes I would stare at you the whole class and not pay attention." Chuckling, he quickly covers the distance to the stunned Izuku and takes his hand. "I was too afraid to say anything back then, but I've always loved the owner of this handkerchief, you, Midoriya, so how lucky am I that ten years later we meet again."

Izuku's eyes widen when a long held memory returns. His knees buckle and collapse him to the ground. "Y-You… H-How me? Cute? Impossible," he shakes his head. "I do remember seeing you now and also remember thinking how guys like you would never give me a second look, so I never gave it another thought. "I'm just a computer nerd and you… you're the vice president of a major company!"

Katsuki kneels and takes both of the trembling man's hands. "Yes, you and it is possible.” He lifts Izuku’s chin. “I despise people who only go for looks and everyone always just wants to date me because of my family. Which is why someone like you would make me happier. We were just simple college students when I fell in love and seeing how you haven't changed, it brought all those feelings rushing back last night." He places a hand on Izuku's cheek forcing him to look at him and affixes his amorous gaze. "Come with me, since they fired you, come be with me and I'll take care of you."

That gets Izuku’s attention. "Wait, what, fired? I was fired??"

"That's what those two guys in the IT department said.” Katsuki explains. “That you were fired this morning and since you weren't there it appeared true."

Izuku shakes his head. "I was returning the suit… Those guys… I'm so sorry they lied to you, they're jealous and don't like me."

"It doesn't matter to me," Katsuki thumbs Izuku's cheek. "Now that I've found you, I'm not letting you go. So, please say yes."

"But I can't just leave Toshinori-San…"

Katsuki shrugs, "I already got his blessing this morning."

"He didn't tell me anything!" Izuku is stunned.

"That's because I asked him not to, that I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh, wow…" Izuku's brain is short circuiting like a broken program.To think this cute guy from college wants him, loves him enough to track him down. There’s no way he’d imagine anything like this. Why not take the risk? His cheeks heat up a little at the idea of love and happiness, and the acceptance of his quirky personality and freckles. "I-I… Is this some kind of fairytale? Things like this never happen."

"Believe it," Katsuki shocks him with a kiss on the lips. "So say yes, so our fairytale’s ending is a happily ever after." He stays close with their foreheads touching, speaking softly. “Please say yes Izuku.”

At the intimacy of hearing his first name, moisture pools in Izuku’s eyes as he kisses Katsuki back and answers, “yes!”

Some wishes do come true…

#flufftober 2023 #bakudeku #bakudeku fan fic #bnha #midoriya izuku #katsuki bakugou #modern AU #Petri808 #unedited

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sangrewrites · 1 year

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my own work tea

okie so i'm a barista in like amazon hq right??? and i've been with this company since i was 23 gag so i've seen everything you could think of. anyways since reopening from covid they've been running like this free coffee bullshit and it was only supposed to be like a 3 month program the lies!

well here we are nearly 3 fucking years later and it's still free!!!! last year they were going to end it but some cry baby amazonians literally made a petition and so they kept the program. well back to office happened and it was supposed to end again AND THEY FUCKING LIED AGAIN they decided to keep free coffee bc god forbid these rich tech fucks pay for anything at this point.

we're already busy right with the people in the building but adding to that with all the people they're making come into the office it was a recipe for disaster which is what happened lmao these fucking higher ups make decisions and then they're all pikachu faced when it doesn't play out how they expected.

don't even get me started on this chick sam and her bestie kristen who are both rat snakes and i hate them. when they first started we didn't have a good first impression of each other and sadly that's stayed even years later. i'm completely over coffee right and wanted to go back to my old job as market supervisor. which an opportunity came up for me to interview for it again which i did. it was so pointless bc kristen still has this fucking grudge against me for something i did when she first came into the company. so sam was like "we'll talk again in a few weeks" well guess what we have yet to talk and my poor friend kass is literally doing two supervisor positions while getting paid for just one.

lets move on to the people i work with. you have sadie who is my ride or die but also i've began to notice things about her as a supervisor that i don't like. then you have stevie who is literally the best but she can also have her annoying moments. then there is kelly who is a fucking doorknob a lot of the time and tyler who is somehow the oldest of 6 but acts like a literal child. now sadie and tyler are like two peas in a pod which isn't a good thing. they feed off of each other and when together can be annoying af. like so much so that kass even came to me and was like "whats going on with you and sadie???" bc there was def tension for a while with how those two acted.

i love sadie but as a supervisor there is a reason our bosses question if she can run a shop. she makes excuses for tyler instead of holding him accountable for doing a shit job closing. we had a new person start last week and literally on her 3rd day he was rude to her for no reason. like obvi she's not gonna know what fucking pastery is what. so when she heard about it the next day instead of holding him accountable she made excuses for him. he's a closer and i used to be a closer, and she allows him to get away with not doing shit or doing a half assed job. but when i was closer that shit wouldn't fly, and again she makes excuses about how it was a different time.

i literally feel nothing about tyler, like i tolerate him but outside of work he is not someone i would ever interact with.

the thing about sadie also she has said some outta pocket shit to me that i don't even think she realizes is outta pocket. sometimes i'm quiet, it doesn't mean i'm in a bad mood. i just don't feel like talking and one time she was like 'gosh she has an attitude today" and i snapped back like "i don't but i can get one real quick." then i was gonna call out to finish packing and clean up my apartment before moving but she literally guilted me into coming. and made some remark like "it's not my fault you're not done packing" i'm lowkey reaching the point that outside of work i won't be speaking with her either if i were to leave.

BIG SIGH. i love working with a few people and like all of my regulars who come get coffee. but like at some point that isn't a valid excuse to stay somewhere that stresses me tf out and where i am not happy. sure i make good money but at what expense??? i would rather make less and be happy going into work.

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eishtmo · 3 months

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Why Your Inventory Sucked Part 3

I may complain a lot, but I actually did like my job. And I was pretty damn good at it. I wasn't an ace, super counter, or the greatest supervisor ever, but I was good enough people noticed. Most liked when I was running the crew, or at least seemed to. And I was valued as a counter and a driver. Hell, I knew the software and hardware we used well enough that I was often called on to help find ways around a problem.

I could easily have stayed there for, well, maybe the rest of my life. It wasn't to be. It really just came down to stress. I don't think I made clear earlier how many hours I was working, but there were days when I would leave the house at 2 am, get home at 7 pm and have to go to bed almost immediately to do it again the next day. And this went on for literal years.

I was cooked. Burnt out, fried. I was making more mistakes and feeling more overwhelmed. I tried to get time off, like 2 days in a row time off, and they wouldn't let me. Once I finally gave out, well, it was with rage. I felt bad for my coworkers I left behind because they would work that much harder to make up for me leaving.

It took a month to catch up on my sleep, and now, almost 2 years later, I look back on it and wonder how I manged to do it all and stay sane. The answer, of course, was I couldn't.

PART 3: The Store

Of all the forces that effected an inventory, the store itself was the biggest and most unknown factor. Often I didn't know what was walking into until I walked into it. Oh yes, there are ways to know, pre-inventory calls and visits were a thing, and they were annoying, but they weren't required, or even necessary in some cases.

Still, the store itself is just another work place, it's the people inside that was where the problems came from. And of course I'm not talking about the the workers, I'm talking about the managers.

The main part of my job was to communicate with the managers and let them know what was going on, how we were doing and resolve any issues that came up. In a good store, it was rare that there was an issue and they'd just let me do my job. Sometimes there were issues, they were minor and easily resolved.

Then there are the nitpickers. So many managers wanted things done in particular ways, ways that aren't called for in my instructions or by company policy. I'd try to explain the limits of what could be done, and I could get them to back off, sometimes. Other times. . .

A picky manager is one that can ruin a good working environment. Maybe they want the counters to be neater, maybe they don't like how one of the counters is doing their job, and sometimes they scream about "every dollar" counting. Yes, every dollar counts, but if one dollar is going to make or break your inventory, you've got a lot more problems than my crew.

Getting them to back off is hard and sometimes the only option is to let them have their way, and they still won't be happy.

I hadn't done a Sephora beauty store as a standalone store before, but I was pretty confident I could handle it. When I arrived the store manager had marked out the sections of the store to be counted. Not tagged, that's my job, but broke the store into color coded sections and we were expected to count the store by these sections. Okay, no big deal, it's generally what I would be doing anyway.

So I didn't have a full crew from my office. I had a few people, but the majority had to come from another office. I do not know most of these people, but the way the store is setting up to go, that shouldn't be a big deal. It's all AQ-1, so they'll all go about the same speed. That said, each 4 foot section of makeup has multiple tags, and it's usually not a good idea to squeeze more than one person in each one, even with multiple tags.

So things get started and they seem to be going well. Then one of the counters from the other office finishes his tag, looks at the tags in the area where we're working and comes to the reasonable conclusion that he can't get in there. So he moves to the next section.

The manager and store staff don't like this. Their color coded section isn't done yet, and we can't move on to the next one. NOW, had they come to me about this, I likely could have calmed them down by pointing out that there was no room and we were about to move to the next color section as a group anyway and by the time he's done with the tag, we probably would be.

Of course they didn't. They confronted the counter first. And apparently he's the kind of person that when faced with confrontation, he responds with confrontation. Suddenly there's a yelling match. I'm caught completely off guard, no idea this is even happening as I'm doing other stuff.

The next thing I know, the store manager is demanding this counter be removed from the count. So I try to figure out what the hell just happened, look for a way to back down and can't find one, and finally I'm forced to remove him from the store. Which annoys the driver of the van, who promptly, in the MIDDLE of the store, calls THEIR boss to complain, who now calls me.

So now the guest crew is all pissed off, the store manager is still pissed, I'm pissed because I just got blindsided by this mess AND have to deal with the other crew's boss who's trying to tell me "we don't do that" when, no, YOU don't do that, WE do.

There's a couple places to leave notes at the end of the inventory. One is very small, the other is quite large. I told whoever is filling out the survey at the end that the box is for high praise or high damnation. Guess which one this store manager used? I never read it, it's something I learned to not do after doing this job after many years, it would just make me angry.

Audits are the main way that we can keep tabs on how the counters are doing. One might think audits are about finding mistakes, and most store staff does think that. But that's not actually the point of doing audits.

The thing is that counters make mistakes. We are human after all, miscounts, miss scans, and even missed shelves happen. The point of audits is to find out if counters aren't doing their jobs. Are they scanning one item on a shelf and counting everything? Maybe they are just inputing random numbers into the scanner? Perhaps they keyed in the item numbers for a bunch of molding in a hardware store, but they keyed it wrong so instead of 100 pieces of molding, the counted 100 saw blades? Yes, that happened. Scan first, key only as a last resort.

But store staff when they get to auditing doesn't quite understand that. They see a mistake and then they start looking for more. They're going to make the count perfect, damn it. Well, they can try anyway. The thing is there's always required amount of audits that need to be done. Sometimes it's a set list of generated tags, sometimes it's a percentage of the tags, and maybe only a percentage of each of those tags. Keeping them on task is a great amount of what I do running an inventory.

Auditors make mistake too. Sometimes the very mistakes they're supposed to be hunting for, they make. At a Pink store (it's branch of Victoria's Secret, just more clothes and less panties), my counter did a rail of dresses on the wall, and scanned each of the 16 pieces there just like they were supposed to. The auditor, however, grabbed the first dress and scanned it 16 times. It was obvious, so I had to reject the audit and bring the audit crew back so I could remind them what to do.

Often though, the auditors try to fix the entire tag. Thing is, that never works out. It took my counter 15 minutes to count that section, but it'll take an auditor an hour to go through the entire section. In the meantime that counter has done at least 4 more tags, and if the audit is excessively bad, which the auditor will claim even if it's not true, then the other tags will have to be audited, or if they have to be removed then those tags all have to be recounted! It's why only a percentage of the tag needs to be audited, because if it's bad, we can see it pretty quickly. If it's just not good, then we can coach and move on.

Sometimes a store thinks it can save the inventory if they just audit a few more tags. . .

I was in a franchise gas station which has it's own quirks. The main one being that the parent company pays for the inventory, and however much the store is short, the franchisee has to pay. In cash. So they're pretty sensitive to large shrinks.

I didn't have a great crew, kind of mediocre honestly, but I made point of doing the more sensitive stuff, mostly the cooler. Well low and behold, the inventory comes up something like $11k short, which for a gas station is stupidly high. So the store manager (who is not the franchisee, the franchisee was never in the store) grabs the audit tablet to see if he can find the missing money.

In the candy section.

Unless my counter missed the ENTIRE candy section, there's no way that money is there. And yes, mistakes were going to be found, my counters aren't super great. So congrats you found about 100 bucks worth of missing candy. Now, where do we look for the other $10,900 dollars?

After talking the manager down, we look at things a bit more clearly and figure it out. About a week earlier, someone walked in the door of the store, walked behind the register and grabbed two full BOXES of cigarettes. Not cartons, BOXES, you know, holding like 25 plus cartons. Well, there's your problem. Still he thinks the counters were bad and the inventory is bad. Not that it matters, the next time I do the store, the franchisee is selling back to the parent company.

So there was going to be another section here, but this is getting long and I will be talking EXTENSIVELY about the next section, so I'll leave it at this for the time being.

Next time: The real reason your inventory sucked.

#wis #rgis #inventory #work complaining

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indigo474 · 4 months

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~taking a deep dive~

In a lot of ways i feel like i am back where i started. How is that possible? It's really not. I'm not the same person i was when i started. But, here i am learning about myself and continuously taking a deep look at myself and my behavior. 5 years ago i was in a much different head space.. much different. anyway..this week i havent had a much time alone as i usually do. MAdison is just always there. I have my early morning before she gets home but even that time is interrupted. it's been an adjustment for me.. which is funny because i'm not the one working that shift. I woke up to an "i made us breakfast" text.. which is so sweet, i mean, i cant be angry about that. i did tell her i needed some alone time today which worked out good because she had to lay down.. an adjustment. the truth is i can always retreat into my room and shut my door. I had my yearly review. it went well. i thought my manager was fair. I was a little surprised at how is was actually conducted and my manager kept saying i usually dont do them this way... i'm not really sure why she would do my review differently than any other one. i am not well liked by the other supervisors..it's weird because as a lead an a rep i was well liked. "they" feel a certain way because of who my supervisor is.. apparently i am untouchable- i don't care- i did- but i don't anymore. i wouldn't be friends with any of them. i'm getting a new team member. I was approached on Monday and told the transition would happen sometime this week.. In the past, if i didnt hear anything, i would ask this person when we were going to have this meeting. I would pretty much push for the meeting and make this person settle on a time and date.. my anxiety needed to know when the meeting would take place.. this person likes to have long, late meetings and i just cant stay late because i have to workout. Also this person thinks we should all be staying after our shifts and get annoyed when he sees supervisors leaving at 5.. well, i didnt push for the meeting and it didnt happen. i hate that i work for a company where the upper management says things, but doesnt do them. how about just letting me know the meeting wasnt going to happen this week.

i saw a cute guy at the gym today. no ring. maybe i should start going to the gym. my music played at the gym, but wont when im outside. i lifted 205 with the hex bar- apparently that is easier than the straight bar. i had a killer arm workout.. ouch but in a good way. I had dinner with Marci- she tells me she just knows i will meet a good man- she absolutely knows it will happen.. so sweet... she doesnt say much about her man. i have yet to meet him and the few things she has told me well.. im starting to think maybe something... but then again i'm weird but also.. Marci is a little clueless when it comes to domestic abuse and narcissistic behavior.. which is weird because she's educated in mental health.. when they went on vacation together, he drove, and she said he scared her in the car. she only told me after i questioned her about the drive... she originally said the drive was horrible.. he kind of just came in and swept her off her feet.. maybe that happens? it was everything all at once and there wasnt even really a getting to know you period.. and he knew she was going away with me, we planned it well in advance.. the day were coming back he surprised her with tickets to some sort of show... he didnt ask her, he told her.. i got these tickets.. we were now on a timeline because he lives 2+ hrs away and she had to drive to him.. to me, it seemed odd. i would want to me asked if i wanted to go especially after being away for a few days.. it was also weird how all of a sudden she didn't want to go out dancing.. she planned the trip around us going to the club and at the last minute she didnt feel like going.. i wonder if he had something to do with that??? she also does not like to be alone... so, i worry about her and GOD i hope this guy is as great as he appears to be.. the car thing.. a total dick move..

i think i might be going to london. ive decided, i am going to be delusional... about my life. I am going to radically believe that everything my heart desires is on its way to me... everything.. i am in my winning season. Ohhh and i am officially officially obsessed with my ass.. it's been going on for a few months now.. but dam. My ass looks good.. i cant stop grabbing my own ass.. i am hoping to find someone who is as obsessed with my ass as i am..

Kika is my girl and i love her.

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theorist-influencer-untitled · 6 months

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12.7.23 Thursday ( was there a crime or there will be a murder ???)

12:51 am

I still have windblow... I feel bitterish coz of the fucking windblow, made me cry,made me laugh, made me feel so small for 16 years, sometimes it made me doubt myself...

Anyways, I feel my S-bones pain again and suddenly my left body is aching... Weird??? That my someone is probably on the left2x???

I need to get some progress... Still, thinking of existence and possibility on how to have HIM...

I forgot to greet my childhood bestfriend a "Happy Birthday"... Apple ;)

I'm thinking now, when is the birthday of Borgy and Harley???

About Harley, hmmm....We forgot to know our birthday but we used to do exchanging of something, whatever...

I'm thinking about Cavite...Their mystery and secret storm....

Oh! I wanna see you Borgy...

7:14 am

Still,have windblow and I'm just awaken by the weird dream suddenly I feel that my throat is dry and I just drink water... I can't believe on that dream but gave me this dry throat... Weird! A spell???

Still, sleepy... My S-bones are in pain or my priformis...

I still feel jealous on things that I don't know, that I must know...

11:20 am

Done,watching "Kicking & Screaming" it is just weird...

Still,panicky thinking of money and job and I badly need money for some important expenses...

Tomorrow will be in Manila and I asked a favour on Clarissa Ero if she can back-me up coz she told me that she is already a supervisor in Conduent. But her mother told me Ate Lizah that on Clarissa's account, it doesn't have any opening for now but there are opening or hiring on different accounts...

11:30 am

I was just thinking that if this house will have a positive vibes to recover everything here... I was thinking if this Uncle Jun can make a new edit on the old spare room just like this...

It is not good if he will be sleeping here in the living room, but everyone is here now in the living room...

But the problem on Uncle Jun he is also just like a star or let's say his original personality was a person with a lots of wardrobe as well... Gets, angels? His clothes here are just hanging outside on our old garage coz he is now staying here with us since the windblow came to us here year 2007.

It is truly an eyesore if the clothes are just hanging outside... Not presentable, my biggest problem.... I'm thinking, what if Borgy will be visiting then the house is on a total chaos... We need enough money here and in a lil while I really wanna leave the hometown if I have the money.

11:45 am

There are so many problems here, so many things that need to be fixed....It is a big embarrassment for me here if Borgy will see the house is on total chaos...

But, if Borgy can just accept the reality of my life these days... Like on my previous post, it depends on HIM, if he can love me or not coz Love is different on each of US.... Like accepting a person or whatever flaws does a person have....

I'm not perfectionist but I love planning things and dreaming... When it comes to LOVE, I'm a total HERO... Funny, right? I just don't wanna live on what if? What if Borgy will know that I truly like or love him that big or that much....

It is like asking someone "how deep is your LOVE??"

Will you just love me on my good situation???

youtube

12:10 noon

I'm not pushing Borgy to love me or to accept me but I just really don't want to live on what if's???

This "what if?", this was the question that we used to dwell during my high-school days with my barkada's or FRIENDS... I told them you know what guys, I just don't want to live on what if? What if I say this to HIM? What if I let him know that I love HIM? What if I told him? What if I go or went there? What if we end up together? I don't wanna have REGRETS,that I told him, that I did these things and I let him know... Our roads of journey sometimes, you can just pass it once and you can never go back but live on REGRETS....

That is my FEAR and that will be sad,angels...

youtube

2:45 pm

I still have windblow... Done, reviewing the basics keyboard shortcuts the usual codes that are used on super basics keyboard tap2x...

I did review some basics grammar but in reality you can't really tell the versant test coz it is about your spontaneous ideas on something... It is a matter of LUCK coz it depends on the question and everything is on the spot and for me it is really about LUCK, if you can create an on the spot ideas... Praying for any back-ups while I'm making a way on Borgy, I need a job and money for me to survive,angels...

Or Lesbianism...

I'm not ohkay coz I'm really thinking of money and job and I still have self-pity on money and my beauty... My "golden aging" and I really wanna see Sand Dunes, Rocks and Pebbles...

I'm not happy, not contented being flat and can't even buy Starbucks... I really wanted to perfect my nose and remove my "deep smile lines"...

Oh! I really wanna see you, Borgy...

5:12 pm

My new piece of song...

youtube

6:07 pm

I still have windblow... It hurts if you don't choose me but choose in-front of me...

I still feel jealous on things that I don't know, that I must know...

8:30 pm

I still have windblow....I feel bitterish that I can't create a new group of friends that I feel and envious Harley ( Mitch) if ever she was able to create new group for her or US? But US became a big question mark now... I wonder if Harley is part of that group who gave me an accidental??? Is it accidental or intentional "simple battery" on me???

Still, thinking of how to exist on Borgy that I need to see him someday or one of these days... I'm losing a power here and hope... There are moments that I feel this way...

But I will never give up on HIM, I will see HIM someday...

Or it is truly Lesbianism here...

8:43 pm

I still have windblow... I hate the situation that I feel there is group and energy or force who is controlling my fate in life...

My fate on seeing Borgy or my existence in the society?

I know that nobody likes me here partly I have that self-pity but not really but I feel sad but I have to be mature on facing it but I hate being suppress on my inner emotions like these...

If someone is stopping me, to exist or have my existence? Coz if I can exist it is somehow a way for me to have the attention of Borgy.

But I feel that someone is stopping me here in Cavite... I don't know why, but I know they don't like me... They just don't want me to exist...

I still feel jealous on things that I don't know, that I must know...

9:03 pm

I still have windblow...

My point the situation is not fair... It is very unbiased... Totally unfair since 2007...

The fight is not fair, that made me irritated!!! Or ( super galaitih )...

9:24 pm

Hmm... I still have windblow... Still, irritating ( iritang-irita!!!)

Why, what's the main effect of having a short hair vs my long hair???

I had have windblow ,not sure what is the point of "probably" Harley is having a short hair that someone chose her over me...

But wait hey! Look at me, I also had short hair...

My point what is the point of Harley has a short hair or anyone or a particular got a short hair that I have a long hair now.... Is it insulting???

I still feel jealous on things that I don't know, that I must know...

#Youtube

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children-ofthe-wind · 8 months

Text

Sashiburi

I got advice to start writing out what I've been feeling and experience so I'll do just that. It's been a while, right? I would type it on a word document but it would just honestly get lost somewhere in all my writings and class content

Somewhere near the end of July, beginning of August, I had an event occur that kind of just changed the trajectory of where my life was/is going. Actually, that has pretty much been a constant in my life since I moved here in Japan.

I actually gave myself a reading a few days ago and I remember one of the cards that came out was, "It's okay to be disappointed."

I resonated with that a lot.

Because, I didn't expect all this crap to happen before I moved to Japan. I mean I didn't think it would be so easy but I really didn't anticipate everything that has happened thus far.

And the truth is, I am disappointed. Before I got here, Japan was a dream. I dream I had for years and years and yes I did live out my dream of coming to Japan. But now that I'm here, it's like things have done a 360 and I'm kind of waiting for when I can go back home. At least, with where I am now. So yes I am disappointed, I didn't want to admit it because it's my dream. I wanted an amazing, magical experience.

Well, I mean, I can't say I didn't get that. It still is a beautiful, wonderful, mystical experience. I mean, the food is amazing. The scenery is so traditional Japan that I fall in love with it every time I see it. The pretty paper lanterns, the noren, the traditional homes. Since I live in the countryside, those traditional homes are everywhere, many abandoned.

But this is what has happened so far.

Upon arriving in late July/technically early August, I experienced my first panic attack. I thought I was dying so I was rushed to the hospital. I think I might have already mentioned this in another post. A few months later, I get another set of several panic attacks after I had to go to a language camp in another city.

Fast forward to autumn, things are going decently. The leaves are beautiful here in autumn, it is such a sight to see. Then came winter where I had to move apartments because my old apartment was so dangerous in winter. I could see my breath from the inside of my apartment, it was so cold, and when I showered, it was like torture.

I'll talk about more later but a few months ago, this whole incident happened where this old racist woman was getting mad at me for throwing my trash "on the wrong day" even though I did it the night before trash pick up in the morning, because that is what everyone does. Trash rules are strict in Japan. Anyways she got my school involved and my supervisor involved and she kept bothering my supervisor and eventually my supervisor snapped and yelled at me.

It was this event that led to like a spiral of sorts. My trauma was triggered, trauma of feeling helpless. Like I don't belong. I have a fear of being yelled at because of all the yelling I got in childhood. Anyways yeah so I had a panic attack the day after and life has been spiraling downwards since then. My depression started up again, my fears have all revealed themselves in a raw and scary way. I've been even more anxious and stressed that before and now I'm in a place of being tired. ?Just really tired to the point that my body feels heavy sometimes. My head is hurting. There are so many things happening in between like my nervousness and gosh I just don't know what to do but I'm doing my best to let go and just let it happen, whatever it is that is happening. It feels like it will last forever but I know it isn't true.

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cruzctrl · 1 year

Text

So, i've been gone for quite sometime. And alot has happened, it being me becoming director of respiratory at my facility, hating every minute of it, stepping down after 5 months, and picking up a full time job at a former facility. There were quite a few things that made me step down- actually alot of things:

1. Short staffing

The issue with short staffing and trying to approve peoples vacation times was a nightmare. I catered to these people thinking yeah its gonna be fine. Ill figure something out. Then when i get call ins, no one is willing to work. Im not about to run 20 hours working at this place when 8 hours is already dreadful. And guess what, i still did it. I tried. But the consistency of how bad no one wanted to work was more than enough of a problem for me to step down. And i low key hated people to begin with and it didnt make the job any easier.

2. Supply shortage

This was probably the worst one. Id do my daily tuesday routines of ordering supplies, and yet i seem to never get the main supplies i need. Trachs. Bacteria filters for suction machines. Pulse oximeter probes and cables. And its out of my control. I get it. Ever since covid cane around it hasnt been any easier for anyone. But again, being blamed for something i cant control was already daunting and i hated

3. Inheriting a staff i've worked with for 7 years

It sucked. They know my work ethic. And they see me as one of them. Not as a supervisor. Only when they need my signature to sign off on their overtime. Or their vacations. Or their bullshit sick days. And when i needed the help only a few were able to pull through. The fact that im somewhat salty about this whole situation makes me think: what could i have done differently? Why dont they look at me as someone who can take over a department? But then again. It is what it is. The lack of respect was already more than enough for me to leave. Aside from that, another guy who didnt even work more than 8 days a month became the director and they seem to give him more respect than me. But, like i said i could of done things differently, but i wouldnt know what to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. Taking work home

This was one thing i told myself- never take work home. Thats what i did. I took work home. I think about when the next time im gonna have to come in to cover a shift, why no one responds to my group me texts, or whatever shit that i needed to come in for. The stress and anxiety of coming home really fucked up my sleep. So bad to the point where id stay up super late just to enjoy what little time i had to myself. Thats bad on my part and probably affected me to the point where i dreaded work.

BUT

Ill admit, i low key miss goin to work whenever i want, but i dont miss goin to work when i shouldnt even be there. The amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is so nice, i forgot how it was to just go to work, get things done, and leave with no worry about anything more or less. Im pretty content with what happened, how i did, and i appreciate the few support of people who really had my back. Funny thing is, they didnt even decrease my pay rate, so although i stepped down as director, im still getting director pay! I guess if theres a way to cheat the system, that was definitely it.

So, in hindsight, Im on call / per diem at my old facility, and got hired as full time at.. another old facility. BUT my pay has definitely increased in both places. Ever since i left, everything has looked alot brighter. i bought a new car, im back to working noc shift again, im happier as a whole, and i just think everything that ive dealt with was a lesson and that not all things at the top is so mint. The new guys i met at work seem pretty chill, and we have a few hobbies that we have in common so it was really easy to get a long with them. Plus i think this whole subacute dept as a whole is just good for myself and patient care. Its really nice to be able to go back to work and feel like im making a difference with what i do. I couldnt help but feel useless as a director. I guess one of the perks is the amount of overtime im gettin here, it is so absurd that im probably gonna be making more than my other places i worked at. Anyways, im happy and thats all that really matters. Ill probably post some pics of my new whip soon, just gotta find the time to take some decent pics. Hope you guys have been well, and this was just me ranting.

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lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers · 2 years

Text

Seems like the Telegraph (and by extension the Tories) are going after the teaching unions. I guess this means that maybe they are scared despite all the restrictive rules in place, the NEU might actually manage to organise a strike over the new pay deal- which is interesting. The pay deal is good for new teachers, but less good in terms of retaining experienced teachers. And I’m not sure it’s good enough that it’ll make a real difference in terms of recruitment, especially for shortage subjects.

Meanwhile, on twitter, I keep seeing people saying they are struggling to recruit experienced staff. I mean, you do the maths?

I can tell you what’s already happening in some (a lot of?) English state secondary schools:

-Can’t recruit for a lot of subjects (Science, Maths, Computing are the big ones, but others too).

-So departments are left short staffed, kids are taught by non-specialists, unqualified teachers, cover supervisors, a rotating cast of supply...

-Definitely can’t recruit for roles that need a bit of experience, like head of department- which puts more pressure on the other staff within that department, and again, isn’t great for the students.

-OR leads to people being overpromoted too early on, which often leads to bad leadership and problems within the department, and/or burnout for the person who’s been promoted.

-Being short staffed means less flexibility in terms of cover- if people are ill, and you can’t get supply in, the school shuts, as we saw last term in a lot of schools.

-Long term, these pressures mean more teachers leave, either to move to other schools that are better off, or to a different sort of job within education, or leave teaching altogether.

-Inevitably, this impacts on kids behaviour, engagement and outcomes, and the school becomes a less desirable place to work. Maybe it gets a crap Ofsted. The whole thing becomes a vicious cycle, from which it’s difficult for a school to escape from- and kids who aren’t able to go elsewhere don’t get the education they deserve (yes, there are huge issues with our education system and the curriculum itself, but it’s still better when it’s being delivered by consistent subject specialists.

Now, you might be reading this and thinking this only applies to “sink comps” or “inner city schools”, but that’s very much not true. The hardest places to recruit teachers are those where rent/property prices are highest, so yes, especially just outside London where teachers lose out on the extra London pay. And yes, maybe Bristol, etc. But also, your leafy comp in the South East. Anywhere along the “M4 corridor”, even the more desirable parts of the South West (particularly places where second home owners have pushed rents sky high).

I’ve never taught in e.g. Manchester, but my understanding is that schools up there find it easier to recruit (although that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy).

And, increasingly, this is trickling down to primary, too- people struggling to recruit experienced teachers in certain schools or parts of the country. You can’t, despite what the DfE seems to think, run a school entirely staffed by ECTs.

Now, to come back to the original point, I don’t actually think it’s just about pay- as you get up the pay scale, teacher pay isn’t bad (although it’s low compared to what, e.g. maths grads, can earn elsewhere). It’s also about the pressure teachers have been put under over the last three years, about general working conditions, about schools wanting to own you during term time (and sometimes the holidays too). Being a full time classroom teacher isn’t sustainable for a lot of people in England, anymore.

But I will also say, it’s easier to manage in a stressful job, when you’re not also worrying about how you are going to pay the rent- when you don’t have to take on extra work at the weekends or holidays to pay the bills.

Anyway, my point is this- if the Tory government are making noises against teaching unions, trying to pit parents against teachers, perhaps that’s a sign they are nervous. But what they should really be nervous about is the education system collapsing in on itself.

#uk politics #education #unions #neu #teaching #teacher pay #working conditions #secondary education

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wind-becomes-lightning · 3 years

Text

Private Tutoring - Electricity

Once again thank you for reading and reblogging :) I love writing for this it is so much fun.

Eventual Smut, so PG 18. (not this chapter but the story itself)

Pairing: Kakashi x Fem!Reader

Ao3 Link [x]

You get some french lessons.

“Is everything okay at your current position?”, your supervisor asks, brows raised. You are bowing, one knee on the ground in front of him to give a status report: “Yes, sir.” A month has passed since you have been assigned to your new position. You have found yourself at ease with it, comfortably working around the schedule of Lord Sixth, who only ever calls you to have a friendly chat with you or to do other things. It is interesting to be around so many people, watching their behaviour from afar and studying their reactions.

In the short time you have been stationed in the hokage tower you already learned a lot. In many ways. “Good. The hokage has indicated that he is satisfied with your work so far”, he says and you can feel your heart lift for a second. Praise from the hokage always fills you with happiness. “I want you to continue what you are doing for at least another month, if not more.” He looks down on you. “Continue staying out of the hokage’s way unless he needs you, understood?” You nod your head. “Yes, sir.”

From ANBU headquarters you make your way directly back to the hokage tower. You had been nervous about your appointment with your supervisor, oddly insecure if you’d done a good enough job. There was also this strange uneasiness that he might know about your private lessons with the hokage. That you might get scolded for it. You would never be able to lie to a superior and are therefore relieved that it wasn’t mentioned. Turns out, when the official ANBU guard is involved in some sneaking around, ANBU doesn’t know. You don’t quite understand why, but you want to keep this to yourself. Just your secret with Lord Sixth.

For the last few weeks he has only called you for administrative matters. To inform you how and when he has to go to which event, what time he would be taking and at which hours your shift would be changed with the night guard. No private lesson had been added to the last one you’d had. While you sometimes spend that free time reading in the many books you borrowed, more often than not you decide not to go to sleep. You just stay instead in the vicinity of the hokage’s apartment to keep a look out for him even at night. This is not your assignment and you pretty much act on your own choice, but you don’t want to leave Lord Sixth’ side. If you are not with him you think about him, so you can’t sleep anyway.

So today again you head back downtown even though your shift is technically already over. Not having slept last night you run on 30 sleepless hours now and you have yet to feel tired. You land on the rooftop of the tower. All the windows are dark so it's likely that everybody has already gone home. You look around for the other ANBU guard and can’t see it. They must have gone to the hokage’s apartment by now. You make yourself ready to move on when you can feel a presence behind you. Alerted, you take out a kunai and press it against your body to hide it, but then you can hear the hokage’s voice behind you. “Tora.” You turn around and there he is, hokage cloak draped over his clothes. He has come very close to you, probably through an erased presence. He had been an elite ANBU after all.

“Sir”, you say, bowing your head slightly. He walks over to you: “What are you doing here?” You put the kunai away. “Just checking things quickly.” Not a lie. He raises a brow. “Your shift is over, isn’t it?” You feel found out. “Right…”, you say, not daring to look in his eyes. “Not planning to spend another night watching the area around my apartment, right?” he asks and you can’t hide your surprise. “H-how did you know that?” He puts a smile in his eyes. “You are good at hiding yourself, but I am better at noticing when I am being followed.” Of course, you could never outsmart someone like Lord Sixth. You can feel your cheeks redden and you think that this is how embarrassment must feel like. “My apologies, sir” you say, bowing apologetically.

“I’m glad you are concerned”, he says, putting a hand on your shoulder, “but you need to sleep too. Your body needs it. I order you to stop staying up all night. You have to sleep, understand?” Crossing eyes with him for a second and looking away immediately you confirm: “Yes, sir.” The hokage sighs. “You are good at your job, Tora. I am satisfied to have you by my side.” There it is again, the little flutter in your heart as he compliments you. “I always try to be there.”, you say, voice quiet, “At your side.” He shakes his head. “You have such a way of expressing yourself...Anyway, let's go downstairs.” He points to the stairs and you follow him down to his office.

As soon as he is in his office, the hokage lets the white cloak fall from his shoulders onto his desk. “I hate the heavy thing”, he murmurs more to himself than to you. “I think it suits you”, you hear yourself say, which seems to surprise him. “Clothing opinions, huh?”, he raises a brow at you. “You are the hokage, a good one, those cloaks are a symbol of status that you deserve”, you explain and could swear that you can see his cheeks colour. His gaze rests on you for a moment. “Right, we haven’t done that in a while.” He scratches himself at his chin. “That, sir?” you ask, but deep inside you already know the answer. He gives you a thumbs up and a smile. “Let's have another, eh, lesson.”

You find yourself pressed against the wall in the tiny cupboard room again, mask pushed left, with your mouth pressed against Lord Sixth’. Technically there was absolutely no necessity to go into this small room, as the hokage tower was completely empty and dark. But neither him nor you commented on it. Maybe that tiny closet was now your refuge, a place for just you two and nobody else. It was becoming just another hideaway. Once again, it feels easy to go back to kissing him. 16 days since the last time you’d done it has made you miss it. Your gloved hands fly to his hair and he pulls you close at the waist. The warmth is immediately back.

A little out of breath he pulls away from your lips after a while. “I was thinking”, he says, trying to get his breathing in order, “that you could accompany me to a kage-meeting in Kumogakure which is coming up soon. As my personal guard.” He pulls you back and kisses you again, before you can even reply. You find it hard to concentrate when his fingers touch your skin, but his words do get through to you. “This is outside my authorization, Lord”, you say apologetically. You can feel him shake his head: “No, I will ask for you specifically. Don’t worry.” His hands touch your face and you feel oddly elated. “I would be honoured to come.” He kisses you again, but this time he slowly moves over your lips with his tongue. “What…?” you whisper.

“Stick out your tongue”, he orders and while it makes you a bit uneasy, you follow the instructions. You can feel him search for the tip of your tongue with his thumb, probably to help locate it in the dark. He draws his head closer and you can feel his breath on your face, then, gently, the tip of his tongue touches yours. Of course you have a basic idea about biology and human anatomy. You know that the tongue has many nerve endings so one can taste. That different parts of your tongue correspond to different tastes. Sweet, sour, salty and so on. But never had anyone ever told you how electrifying another tongue can feel on yours. Who even came up with this? Which genius found out that touching tongues would be even better than touching lips? You can’t come up with an answer because your brain fogs up in a way it has never before.

He moves his tongue around yours, gently touching it from every angle and you try again to match his movements. You can feel your pulse quicken. The feeling of it gets you excited. The hokage pulls back, and you answer his question, before he can ask it: “It’s like electricity in my veins.” You just presume he wanted to ask how this other way of kissing makes you feel. “You -” he laughs quietly, “you’re always so oddly descriptive about it.” You want to ask him if that is something bad, but he continues before you have the chance to: “Do you want me to electrify your veins some more?” Something around your heart flutters. As if for a second it stopped beating. “Yes”, you breathe.

Immediately he pulls your head to his again and kisses you. Both of your lips are now a little wet. He once more moves with his tongue over your lips and you carefully open them for him. To keep your hands from shaking the way they do, you curl them into his hair, just like he told you you should, and he lets out a soft moan you’ve never heard before. You feel a warmth spread from your core. His tongue is in your mouth! And it feels great! Especially since his lips are now also touching yours. This must be some kind of sensory overload. Clearly having fun with it, he moves first over your tongue and then over your teeth. This makes him laugh at himself. “You have really sharp corner teeth”, he observes, every movement of his lips against yours.

“Can I also ..?”, you ask carefully. “Oh god-, I-I mean, err, yes, you can yes.” You have never heard Lord Sixth stutter about anything. Maybe his veins also feel electric, you think. Moving your head upward you close lips with him again. He kisses you with a half opened mouth, giving you easy access. You meet his tongue, touching it gently the way he has done with yours, trying to figure out how he could ever taste so sweet. He lets you explore freely, touch his teeth as he had too.“That tickles”, he laughs. “Oh, apologies, sir”

“Teeth are usually not a component”, he explains, “I was just playing a little. It’s just about the tongue.” You take a mental note of this just in time before he kisses you again. Now, with your tongues moving against each other, you are unable to form a coherent sentence in your mind. You feel the electricity pulsing through you, spreading the warmth from your core to your tips. And something else rears its head. A different feeling. A want. You want to be closer, touch him on his neck and back and be touched in return. Something that makes your head spin, your heart beat faster and quickens your breath. It also makes it hard for you to pull away from him. If kissing did not feel like an addiction to you before this, it definitely is now. He strings your hair around his fingers again and you can hear a sound of pleasure leaving your mouth.

Embarrassed, you finally pull away. “I’m sorry, Lord. That was out of my control.” Your face suddenly feels very hot, like you’re coming down with a fever. This and the heart fluttering earlier, you think. Something is clearly wrong with me. “That just shows that you enjoy it. You should embrace these moments”, he says, fingers still playing with strands of your hair. “I feel very warm”, you move a hand to your forehead, “It seems very warm in here.” He touches your forehead with his, making a “hmm” sound. “I think it might be enough for today”, he concludes. “The air in here is pretty bad, especially with two adults sharing it between them.” Somehow, this makes your face feel even hotter. Lord Sixth moves to open the door and you quickly put your mask back on your face. Him seeing your face like this, so feverish and red, is oddly making you uneasy. So many new emotions to work through.

You still feel his tongue in your mouth once you have made it back to your sleeping quarters, laying awake on your back staring at the ceiling. It is as if your mouth remembers that something foreign had entered it and left its marks all over it. You replay it over and over in your mind. The first tongue touch of his and yours, the way the lips had felt and the sound he had made when you ran your fingers through his hair. You have to stop yourself from remembering it too clearly, as it brings the heat back to your face and heart. You are so grateful that your first position inside the village is as the hokages guard. If only you could have stayed a bit longer with him in that cupboard. If only you could always be with him in that cupboard. You shake your head at yourself. No, that was a ridiculous thing to think. “What the hell is going on with me?”, you say out loud.

Since you can’t find any sleep anyway you decide to look up emotions in one of the books you borrowed from the library. A fat, encyclopedia like guidebook, that lists and defines the most common emotions and feelings. From how worn out it is you can guess that other ex-root members probably had similar issues as you. Which, as always, gives you a bit of ease. At least you are not alone in this. You skim through it, skipping chapters on negative emotions, fear and disgust thinking that this is probably not what is happening to you. Rather you seem excited, even happy, when in the vicinity of the hokage. Of course that could easily be explained by his kindness towards you, the first time anyone has ever shown this to you, but you feel like this can’t be the only thing.

Finally, you find yourself reading through symptoms that match the way you feel. “A feeling of being euphoric, giddy and nervous around a person” seems correct. “You always look forward to seeing them and you don’t like parting from that person” this also applies. “Everything they do with you is new and exciting” This absolutely applies as he is teaching something you previously had not known about. “You prioritize them and always make time when they need you.” Yes, well that is only the nature of my job, you think.

“You idealize their best traits.” Now, granted, you can’t find any faults in the hokage’s behaviour towards you and others, but that is not because you idealize him, you think, It’s just because he does not have any faults. Easy as that. A model of strength, kindness and hard work. If he doesn’t sneak away into cupboards to avoid it of course, you think, but then he is often teaching me, so he is just being kind after all. So he remains faultless. “Your pulse can rise and you might blush easily around them.” You feel elated upon reading all these descriptions as they all in all match your condition so well. You look up to the top of the page to see which emotion is being described here.

To your absolute surprise and confusion the title says: “When one is in love.”

#kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #hatake kakashi x reader #hatake kakashi x you #naruto #naruto shippuuden #hokage kakashi #nisi's bad fanfiction #hello i wrote this a while back and i still like it so yeah here you guys go #fanfiction things

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snowywrites · 3 years

Text

Yuri x popular Fem!reader

summary: fluffy fic in which the reader sees Yuri while working at a coffee shop and intends to be closer friends with her.

word count: 2.1k

"Y/N!"

You stop in your tracks, turning to scan the tables around you for the source of the voice; it was kind of familiar, and your eyes fall on a customer that's a regular here at the coffee shop. A young man around your age, usually here with his friends but alone today.

You had been about to go make another coffee for a different customer, but you force a service smile onto your face and hurry over to his table. "Hello!" You wrack your brain for a second to bring a name to this man- it wasn't easy keeping track of so many different people, and not just at your job! You also tried to keep tabs on the majority of your peers from school, too. Fortunately, it clicks a moment later. "Hatsumi, was everything alright?" You ask, noting he's already finished his pastry and drink.

Hatsumi grins, clearly pleased you had remembered him. Customers tended to get really happy over little things like that... if only they knew you did this with all of them. It was no secret you were one of the favorites here at the little shop, consistently getting better tips than many of your coworkers. "It was great!" He answers you brightly.

You nod and inquire politely, "Would you like me to go ahead and bring the bill out now?"

A moment of hesitation, and then, "Oh- uh, yes, thanks." He seems a bit disappointed, but you don't have time to dwell on it right now, not with how busy today's rush hour is. The only good thing is you're hopefully going to be getting off in about a half hour.

You assure him you'll be right back and then flit off to the counter to ring up the items he'd ordered and print the bill. As you're doing so, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

Glancing up, you see your favorite coworker, a girl several years older than you. "Y/N," she begins, a bit of a pleading look in her eyes that means she's about to ask you for a favor.

Biting back a sigh, you push down whatever annoyance you have at being interrupted to look expectantly at her. "What's up?"

"Can we please switch tables really quickly?" She practically begs you.

Switching tables wasn't too terribly uncommon- sometimes when guests came in, the baristas would know them outside of work and might ask a coworker to deal with the order and anything else.

"Sure," you giggle, ever the people-pleaser. You had a reputation to keep, after all! You don't like to brag, but you do enjoy the fact that you have many different friends and are well-liked by just about everyone you know. "Who?"

She gives a hop of delight. "Can I take the bill to Hatsumi?"

You can't help but smirk mischievously. "Ohhhhh, I see."

She lightly smacks you on the arm, instantly blushing. "Nono, I just-"

You cut her off before she can defend herself, knowing the two of you don't really have the time to waste playing around. "It's no worries. And who's that order for?" You question as you point at the circular silver tray in her hands which is holding a cute polka-dotted cup of tea.

"Ah, this goes to table three, the girl with the purple hair."

You nod, exchanging the bill for the tray. You want to watch and see what will happen between your friend and Hatsumi, if anything, but when you look towards the designated table, already heading for it, you realize you recognize the girl sitting there.

You have no trouble recalling her name. One of the members of your Literature Club, Yuri...

You haven't actually been in the club all that long at all, maybe a week-ish, and you feel like you haven't had any time at all to get properly acquainted with Yuri. Part of you feels that it's a shame, because you get the sense she's a very interesting and sweet person beneath her quiet and distant shell. It's just hard when she's always reading, and even in the rare moments she's not, she doubts herself so much during conversations with you that it just ends up being a bit weird.

But not today! No, you're suddenly filled with a sense of determination to get closer to Yuri.

You consider playfully scaring her when you walk up, but ultimately decide against it; aside from being naturally timid anyway, she's also, as usual, reading, and doesn't seem aware of anything going on in the shop around her. So, yeah, best to use a more gentle approach.

"Hey, you," you say, putting all the friendliness in your voice as possible, stopping beside the table to greet her.

In spite of everything, Yuri still jumps a bit in her seat, violet gaze flashing up to you in alarm.

'So much for trying not to scare her,' you think unhappily. Pushing that thought away, you give her a reassuring smile. "Sorry, it's just me! Y/N. We're in the Literature Club together," you try to remind her, wondering with a pang of horror if she's actually forgotten who you are. That would be a first for you.

A second of silence, but at last Yuri's tense grip on her book loosens, and she glances down at it, avoiding making eye contact. "O-Oh, I'm sorry."

Another awkward beat of silence. This was what you meant!! It always went like this with Yuri, and you wished more than anything that you knew how to make her more comfortable around you. Hoping to carry the burden of saving this interaction, you laugh nervously, "It's no worries! But, you didn't forget me, did you?" As much as you're just trying to joke around, there really is a slight feeling of hurt that that may very well have been the case.

Yuri stiffens, quickly answering, "No, I- I didn't!" It's a rushed response, louder than you've ever heard her speak and yet still quieter than most people's normal speaking voice. As if embarrassed by her small outburst, she ducks her head to add quietly, "Uhm, that is- I just meant that... I wouldn't ever forget you, Y/N."

Oh. Talk about giving someone butterflies. You never knew what to expect with Yuri- sometimes she could never get her words out, but then other times she'd say something with such a deep meaning that it would catch you entirely off guard. What's odd though is you know for a fact how truly sincere she is; Yuri is the type of person that's much deeper than most people, and she wouldn't say something if she didn't really think or believe it.

"Thank you, Yuri," you say warmly, setting her tea down near her on the table. "Here you go! I like this kind, too." Truthfully, since you hadn't taken the order yourself or even made the drink, you weren't 100% sure what kind of tea this was, but you were willing to try anything to make Yuri more at ease. It also wasn't unheard of for you to make conversation with customers, even if it was busier than usual right now- for once though, you weren't aiming to make a good tip or secure a regular customer. You genuinely wanted to talk with her. "Hey, is that the same book you're reading at the club?" You question after catching a glimpse of the cover art.

She shakes her head, causing some of her bangs to fall into her face. Brushing them out of the way, she frowns and then nods. "W-Well, kind of. I finished that one yesterday... this is the sequel," she explains.

"It must be pretty good if you want to read the next part already," you comment. "What's it about?"

As predicted, Yuri noticeably perks up. "Oh, I think you would really enjoy it, Y/N. It's about-"

"Y/N!"

You flinch at the stern voice of your shift supervisor, who apparently hadn't realized Yuri was speaking when he cut her off.

You glance back to see him gesturing at you in clear annoyance, motioning to the line of guests waiting for their drinks to be made. You nod, signaling you'll be right over.

Focusing back on Yuri, you're unable to mask your disappointment. "I'm sorry, I've gotta get back to work. I'm supposed to be off in a little bit though."

Yuri seems to also be discouraged, apologizing for keeping you, even though you're the one who had intentionally kept the talk going. She bites her lip, and then, probably overtaken by a brief moment of courage, suggests, "When you get off, maybe then I could tell you about the books?"

You're stunned, but at the same time, this was precisely what you'd been hoping for! "Yes, sure! That sounds great. I'll see you then!" You chirp, hurrying away.

The last of your shift passes by rather quickly, and when it comes time to clock out, you actually have to tell your supervisor no, you can't stay another extra hour even if they are busy, because you have plans! Normally you would have, but not today.

You meet Yuri at the door and the two of you leave the coffee shop together. The sun is close to setting, but not quite there yet. "Thank you again, Yuri! I like spending time with you, I've just been a little busy lately," you say.

Yuri mumbles something you can't quite hear, but then adds more clearly, "I-I'm glad..."

"So," you begin, clasping your hands behind you and beaming at her. "About those books!"

That's all it takes for Yuri to dive into an explanation of the main plot points as the two of you walk side by side towards your home.

You're more than a bit tired from work and standing on your feet for so long, but it's nice to have company on the walk back, especially someone like Yuri. You hum and comment every so often, honestly thinking that they did sound like the sort of books you would enjoy. Full of fantasy and mystery and thrills... and of course, romance.

"So, the main character ditches his friend, who's been with him the whole time, for the new girl? And she's from the enemy's group?" You surmise.

Yuri hesitates. "I don't want to spoil anything for you if you're wanting to read them for yourself..."

"Such a tease," you sigh, pretending to be betrayed. "Oh, we're here- this is my house."

The two of you stop at the gate leading to the front yard of your home, and you're positive you aren't imagining the plaintive expression on Yuri's face. You didn't really want your time together to end either, but alas, you both have classes tomorrow.

"If- If you really would like, you can borrow the first book from me," offers Yuri. "And then... you'll see for yourself how it all goes."

You nod enthusiastically. "Yes, please! Thank you, that's really sweet of you! We can discuss it too after I'm finished reading it. I think I already know who my favorite character is going to be, though."

Yuri tilts her head curiously. "Who would that be?"

"Nope! It's a secret, for now." You pause, glancing up at the darkening sky. "Will you be okay walking home by yourself?"

Her violet eyes soften at your concern. "Yes, I don't live very far from here."

You find yourself unsure of how to say goodbye to Yuri, an uncertain quiet settling over the two of you, but she doesn't seem to find it awkward. "Okay, if you're sure. Do you mind giving me your phone number, though?"

She starts in surprise, a dusting of pink covering her cheeks. "U-Uhm- I- you-?"

"So you can text me when you get home," you quickly defend your reasoning, feeling a bit shy yourself at Yuri's reaction. She really was unique- most people tried to play it cool when asking for or giving numbers.

"R-Right," she stammers, reciting it off for you, and her phone buzzes at the quick text message you sent her so she would have your number.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, at the Literature Club," you finally say, already looking forward to it. "And don't forget to bring the book, please!"

Yuri steps back, her gaze on the ground but you still see her smile to herself. "Yes, I will. Bye, Y/N." She seems like she has something else she wants to say, but then she gives herself a shake and quickly turns away, her long hair twirling to follow her.

You watch her go until you can't see her anymore, partly due to wanting to make sure she was safe.

You couldn't help but admire her for her intelligence and beauty, even if she seemed to admire your social skills in return. Hopefully this was the start of a very deep relationship with Yuri.

#yuri #yuri x reader #ddlc x reader #doki doki literature club #reader insert #scenario #imagine #fem reader #ddlc reader insert #preference

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1plus1kiyoomi · 3 years

Text

Chapter 6: Fight or Flght Response

[prev] [next]

[masterlist]

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warnings: mentions of sex and pretty much a toxic relationship

Morning comes and Kuroo wakes up with a headache. Eyes still closed, he taps on the other side of the bed, his hands looking for your body. “Love?” He groans. “Love, can you bring me some medication? My head hurts.”

Kuroo falls asleep once again and then wakes up an hour later. He sits up, his head ringing. “(Y/N)? Love?” He leaves the bed and doesn’t feel any presence of you in the house. “Oh, it’s 9AM. She must be at work already.”

Well, Kuroo’s not wrong. You are at your office but you aren’t working. You’re weeping at your table because you can’t seem to get rid of Kuroo’s words to his friends.

“So (Y/N) and I are trying to work our marriage out for a year, and she’s taking it way too seriously. While I can’t even look at her face! She messages me all the time about where I am, what I’m doing and all of that. She begs me to go on dates and nags at me if I miss it. I want to tell her off sometimes, but she’s a really good fuck. Like she’s amazing in bed and she lets me have it anytime so yeah. I guess it’s worth to stay.”

It keeps repeating in your head like a broken track. And your tears run down your cheeks and you know it won’t stop for a while. You stand from your desk and move to the little bedroom that is in your office. You lay on the bed and bury your face on the pillow.

The moment you heard his words come of his lips last night, you wanted to slap him hard, beat him up, tear his hair off his head, but you couldn’t. You were glued on the wooden floor of Kenma’s house, not able to believe Kuroo could say that. Your heart shattered into pieces that couldn’t be even counted.

But still, you went home with him. Even slept with him.

If your friends, especially Iwaizumi, find out about this, they’ll definitely tell you to leave him. No excuses. And you don’t want to leave Kuroo.

“Where did I go wrong? Is it because I’m ugly?” You take your phone out and open the camera app. “Very ugly right now. This is why he doesn’t want me to post anything about our relationship.”

Someone knocks on your office door so you wipe your tears quickly and open the Netflix app so you can pretend that you’ve been watching a sad movie this whole time.

“(Y/N)? The flowers are here,” Terushima says as he enters your office. “Why are you crying?”

Speaking of Terushima, he and Kuroo have become friends after their fight. When Kuroo picks you up sometimes and Terushima’s also there, you always find the two talking about hair. The blonde even goes to your place sometimes so he can style Kuroo’s hair. It’s their form of bonding so you really don’t have a say about it.

“This drama is just so sad,” you lie, showing him the screen of your phone that is playing a random sad movie.

“I didn’t know you were the type to cry cause of movies,” the blonde chuckles. “Anyways, fix yourself. Because we will be decorating a big function room starting this afternoon.”

“I almost forgot. The client wanted all real flowers right?” You sigh and sit up from your bed. ‘No time for crying. You’re a busy woman.’

“Yeah, so we have to make sure that the flowers will not wither tomorrow,” Terushima confirms.

You brush your issue with Kuroo under the rag and focus on your work instead.

Evening comes quickly and it’s finally time for your team to set up at the function hall. You had to wait until late evening to start since there was an event beforehand. The bestman of the wedding, Yuta, joined your team as the supervisor.

While you are setting up on the stage, you can feel your workmates throwing weird looks at you. “What?” You raise an eyebrow at them and one of your colleagues walks up to you.

“The best man has been staring at you ever since we got her,” she whispers with a teasing smirk. You roll your eyes at her and brush it off.

It’s always like this. At every event, your colleagues ships you with every best man or groomsman that shows interest towards you. They don’t know you’re actually married and think you’re single so they tease you. In hopes that you finally get to plan your own wedding. Sadly, you already are married and no wedding will take place.

You take a glance at the said man and he is staring at you, but not in a creepy way. As soon as you make eye contact, he smiles at you. You swear your heart skips a beat but at the same time you will never admit that it did.

“Miss (L/N)?” Yuta calls you out of nowhere. Surprised by his sudden presence, you fall on the ladder you are on and land on top of him.

‘What in the drama is this?!’

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” You push yourself off of the man quickly and bow repeatedly.

“It’s alright! It’s my fault for surprising you.” Yuta stands up as well and when your eyes meet, you burst into laughter. “You’re much prettier up close.”

“So you’re the straightforward type, huh?” You let out a chuckle and he smirks at you. “I thought you’d be a shy one since you have been just staring until now.”

“Well, since you think I’m the straightforward type, let me ask you. Are you single?” Yuta smiles at you shyly this time and you feel your cheeks burn hot.

‘You’re married, (Y/N)! Don’t even think about flirting back.’ You mentally scold yourself and look away from the man beside you. “Find out yourself.”

The glamorous wedding finally ends and it was one of the best weddings you have every coordinated. The couple is so in love with each other and they are surrounded by supportive family and friends. The guests were very uplifting and fun in general. You even made friends with some of the guests and have gotten closer to Yuta.

��Thank you for planning our wedding. This is such a dream come true!” The bride thanks you with a bow. You bow back and say your thanks as well. “And Yuta’s a good boy.” The bride winks at you before she and groom leaves.

“(Y/N)!” Speaking of the devil.

“Yuta!” You wave at him. He runs towards you and pants when he’s finally in front with you. “Can I help you with something?”

“Do you have a drive home?” He asks you so you shake your head no. You’re just being honest. “Can I drive you to your place?”

“My place is just a 10-minute walk from here, so it’s okay,” you reply. You check the time and it’s already past midnight. “I have to go now. It’s really late. Bye!”

“I’ll walk with you!” Yuta offers. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Okay, then. Whatever makes you sleep at night,” you joke and he just laughs.

The two of you walk home and Yuta shares random stories about his childhood. You like it. You like how he is open to you without you trying. You like how he’s initiating first. You like how gentle he is when he is talking to you. You like how he softly calls your name. You like how he’s not hiding that he’s interested in you. But you hate how you want Kuroo to be like that towards you. You hate how you’re still thinking about him.

Kuroo’s words come crashing into your mind again and you badly want to take Yuta’s hand and ask him to bring you home. But your mind is also telling you to come home quickly to Kuroo, even if you know he won’t be waiting for you.

“I’m here!” You say as you arrive in front of your condominium building. “Thank you for walking me.”

“No problem.” Yuta scratches the back of his neck. A change of demeanor happens, and Yuta becomes shy. “Can I get your number? I want to tak-”

“(Y/N)!”

Your world freezes as you hear Kuroo’s voice. It’s 1AM. Why the hell is he outside your building as well? You turn your head see him glaring at you with his arms crossed.

‘What do I do? Kuroo might misunderstand! And I can’t tell Yuta that Kuroo is my husband because he wants to keep our relationship a secret. Oh my gosh! What to do?’

You’re panicking. Your whole system is. You can feel your fingers tremble. Kuroo is walking towards the two of you and is already so close but you still don’t know what to do and say. The particles in your container are bouncing on the walls of your space rapidly because of pressure, and it’s making your mind go blank. Your fight or flight response is not functioning well.

Kuroo has been waiting for you at your building’s lobby since 10PM. He was waiting for your message about him picking you up at the hotel, but clearly you forgot about that. He thought you forgot because of fatigue but clearly that’s not the case.

Especially now that a man he has never seen before walked you back to your place.

“Who’s this?” Yuta and Kuroo ask in unison. Yuta glares at Kuroo, not liking how provocative the guy looks. Your husband raises an eyebrow at Yuta, his feline-like eyes glaring back at the unfamiliar guy.

“Kuroo, this is my friend Yuta,” you start to introduce but they aren’t even listening to you. They’re in this staring contest you don’t know about.

“And Yuta, this is Kuroo, my brother.”

——————————————————————————

Facts:

Your reactions when you are nervous are driven by the production of hormones and equip us to fight or escape from situations that are dangerous or threatening. This is known as the fight or flight response.

Nervousness can cause stuttering and rambling.

Anxiety may be partly genetic.

People who are anxious are quicker to pick up on changes in facial expressions than those who are but they are less accurate. Thus, it causes misunderstandings.

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#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smau #haikyuu series #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsuro smau #kuroo tetsuro fanfiction #kuroo x reader #kuroo smau #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x you

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moonctzeny · 4 years

Text

Work for it

Part II: Promotion

pairing: coworker! johnny x reader

other members as background characters: haechan as johnny’s assistant

genre: smut

warnings: explicit smut, semi-public sex, spit in mouth, pussy slapping, throatpie (omg I got so embarrassed writing this down)

word count: 5,792

summary: “One of your co-workers, the supervisor of the Sales Department John Suh, is arguably the hottest man you’ve seen in your life. You try to act on your crush but he is just plain oblivious to your efforts, but you won’t stop until your fantasies come true”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Work for you was living hell and no, it wasn’t for the normal reasons. You had a nice job as an intern in the Financial Department of a company, and with your hard work getting recognized, you were looking forward to being offered a permanent position soon.

Today was no different. You had made sure all your files were organized, calls made and deadlines in check. All you had left to do was look over a report in the office of none other but the man who was causing your suffering. Mr. Suh.

Mr. Suh, or Johnny as he insisted on being called, was the supervisor of the Sales Department but he didn’t let it get to his head. He was extremely friendly, willing to help his subordinates and brought a smile to everyone’s face. Working with him would be amazing if there wasn’t one little problem. He was the sexiest man you had ever seen.

Now, now, you weren’t some middle schooler. You came into this company committed to get the position you deserve, not beg for some man’s dick. But when he first welcomed you in the main elevator, tall height, hair pushed back and with a face of godly facial structure, you almost pressed the stop button so he could take you right then and there.

You brought some files along and ascended the stairs that lead you to his office on the top floor. It would be more convenient if Mr. Suh sent the report downstairs with his assistant and your best work buddy, Donghyuck, but you insisted on paying him a visit, saying something about how a little work out never hurt anyone.

When you saw Donghyuck at his desk, he didn’t even look up from his laptop, pointing at the door instead.

“Put your panties back on. He’s on the printing room”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, used to his teasing about your crush on mr. Suh and headed out for said room at the end of the hall. Johnny was hunched over a machine, shaking it from side to side.

You knocked lightly on the already open door to announce your presence, and he turned around, flashing you his killer smile.

“y/n, hello! I was just trying to get you a copy of the report, but the damn printer seems to be broken again.”

You tried to tell him that it’s okay, that you can use the printer from your floor downstairs, but then he bent over trying to locate the cause of the malfunction, giving you a perfect view of his ass in his fitted tracksuit. Rutting the machine around, he thrusted his hips forward, letting out the occasional grunt, and you took a mental picture for later. He must have shaken something a bit too hard, because ink started to spill out of the cartilage.

“Aww, it’s dripping everywhere”

He had the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, and you couldn’t help but stare at how veiny and strong his arms looked as he pushed down. Your mind wandered off, imagining how nice it must feel to have him on top of you, applying this kind of pressure with his pretty hands around your neck as he-

“y/n? Are you ok?”

“Uh-um yes! Sorry Mr. Suh, it’s been a hard day”

It’s been your cute ass that made it hard for me to function around you was what you actually meant. He winked your way, and you were almost sure he did a double take on a skirt you wore that he had complimented before.

See, it’s not like you never thought of making a move on Johnny. You knew he was single, and he even told Donghyuck that he thought you were cute. Romantic relations between coworkers was not a rare thing, but the way everyone around here respected him made you nervous to approach him. No matter how many people fell for his charming personality and his visuals, he was never part of the company’s gossips and you knew the reason. The guy was denser than a brick wall.

You tried testing the waters with him, taking the light flirting a bit further, but he never seemed to catch the point. Maybe he was so used to getting this kind of attention that he dismissed your attempts as just friendly banter.

But you weren’t ready to give up.

“Sometimes I like coming here to relax. This place is usually so nice and quiet. It gives you privacy to do so many things”

What you said must have piqued his interest, since he gave up on the printer and turned his attention to you instead.

“Things, that the company wouldn’t approve of doing in here?”, he said in a lower voice than before and your throat felt dry when you answered him.

“Yeah. It’s just, we wouldn’t get caught in here, you know?”

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean”

He took two steps towards you before lowering down to whisper closer to you.

“I actually know a place that has even more privacy than this room. I usually go there alone, but it will be so much more fun with you”

Droplets of sweat had collected on his temples as a result of his physical activity earlier, making his words sound so much more enticing. He looked around, checking if anyone was standing in the hallway, before whispering again.

“This will be our little secret, ok?”

You swallowed hard and nodded, ready to get your world rocked by John Suh. He reached for something in his back pocket, but instead of a condom, he whipped out something you’d never expect.

A pack of cigarettes.

“I told everyone I’d quit but the stress gets too much sometimes, you know? I didn’t remember you smoke, though”

Oh my god. Oh my god, you were so stupid. All this time you thought you coaxed him into a steamy, clothes-on, ass on the printer quickie and he meant sneaking you out for a guilt-drenched cigarette break??!!

“Right! You didn’t remember that I smoke because.. because I don’t! ...Anymore. I mean, I quit, just like you. And you know what Mr. Suh, we shouldn’t succumb to the needs of the flesh! Fight back to our bad habits and get healthier! Together!”

He was frozen in place, dumbfounded by your sudden anti-smoking monologue.

“Wow y/n I didn’t know you were so serious about this. Very impressed by your spirit though.” He patted you on the back before picking up the report from the printer and getting to the door. “I’ll tell Donghyuck to print this for you and deliver it to your desk. Won’t take too long, alright?”

And just like that, he managed to leave you in the printing room alone, horny, and one report down.

——————————————————

The next morning at the office was as typical as any other, with the difference that it was raining cats and dogs. The low that was centered over the area caused continuous storms, the rain and moody atmosphere making it impossible for you to keep your eyes open.

You headed over to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, already the second one of the day, when you saw a very familiar someone occupying the coffee machine.

“Mind if you make me a cup too Mr. Suh? I hear you make the best coffee in the office”

He chuckled at you, instantly recognizing your voice.

“It’s my pride. I do love coffee” After turning on the machine he looked at you finally, a serious look on his face. “Listen, y/n, about yesterday, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to drag you down with me like that. You were right about the cigarette thing. I’ll quit for good”

You blinked at him, trying to grasp the ridiculousness of the situation and feeling a bit sorry for guilting him like that.

“It’s ok Mr. Suh don’t worry about it. No big deal”

“Oh and, please, call me Johnny. You make me feel a thousand years old. I’m not that much older than you.”

“Yes Mr.- Johnny”

Just at that moment, a lightning struck, making you jump in place. You glanced at the window, or rather the stormy mess outside, and sighed.

“Chose the wrong day to forget my umbrella huh?”

“You want me to drop you off?”, he offered, immediately making you panic.

“No no! It’s okay. The metro station is really close. It’s fine if I get a little wet anyways, I won’t melt, I’m not made of sugar”

You cringed a bit at your nerve-induced blurting, but it would all be gone in a second.

“You’re sweet like sugar though”

He poured the now brewed coffee on both your cups and you just stared at his movements in shock. Did he just? Initiate the flirting? And called you sweet?

Ok, this is it, you thought.

“Do you like sugar?”, you asked him seductively, making your arms touch. You had to take advantage of this opportunity. The ride home suddenly didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

“Oh no thanks I drink my coffee black”

Looking at the clock on the wall he picked up his cup and took a sip, striding out of the kitchen and leaving you speechless, much like yesterday.

“I’m late for a meeting. See you later, y/n”

You groaned as you watched him walk away, pouring an excessive amount of sugar in your drink.

“That’s not what I meant...”

———————————————————

Meetings usually meant making sure you had enough battery on your phone to silently play your favorite game, while you heard some old guy in a suit blabber on and on about the most boring topic on earth. Usually you’d be complaining about why they just had to take away valuable time of your day to talk about an issue that could very easily be briefed in a mass email, but not today. Because today, the man of honor who got to do all the talking, was Johnny.

To anyone else, you looked like the most eager intern in the company, taking in every single word that came out his mouth. In reality, you were just immensely turned on by his fluent English, his new suit, and his ability to capture everyone’s attention. You had no idea what he was talking about, but you could listen to him talk all day about how “Results are important” and “Taking a more aggressive strategy is vital”.

A sudden noise made everyone turn to the exit door, only to see that it was just the cleaning lady that had dropped her bucket as she was going down the stairs. You felt Donghyuck, who was sitting next to you as always, nudge you with his knee.

“Oh look, she brought a mop for your drool, how nice of her”

“I’m not drooling”, you whispered back with a glare, shoving him with your elbow.

“Right”, he chuckled, “you’re ready to get on your knees for him right now”

It was really hard to get the picture that Donghyuck had painted out for you off your head for the rest of the meeting. You pathetically rubbed your thighs together to get the slightest feeling of relief, and tried to mute out Johnny’s sexy voice with no avail. When the meeting was finally over, you walked out of the meeting room along with everyone else, when you saw Johnny catch up with you.

“Hey y/n”

“Hi Johnny! Nice presentation up there”

He beamed up at your compliment and you wanted to coo at him for looking so cute. His aura changed a color when he replied to you, turning solemn.

“Thank you. Glad to see you’ve finally dropped the formalities with me”. I can drop my panties too if you want, you thought to yourself, but you only smiled at him when he managed to leave you speechless once again. “Is it wet?”

Wet? Fuck, was Donghyuck right? Were you really so caught up on eating Johnny up with your eyes that he noticed? That he realized you were so turned on by him? He saw your confused expression and tried to futilely explain.

“Is it wet? Down there?”

You were losing it. Was he really asking you that in front of all your coworkers? Your face couldn’t possibly get any hotter, feeling as if you were burning up with a high fever. You realized you hadn’t said a word back.

“E-excuse me?”

“Wasn’t the cleaning lady going downstairs earlier to mop? I figured you’d know if the floor was still wet. Since your office is on the bottom floor”

Get your mind out of the gutter, y/n. Quick, say something already! Stop staring at him like a lost puppy!

“Uhh no I don’t know actually. I’m sorry, I have to go”

You turned swiftly on your heel to walk away from him, and save yourself from any further embarrassment.

If Donghyuck was here to witness this, you’d never get to hear the end of his teasing.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect an email like that from the Sales Department. You were at your desk, minding your business when you got the notification, almost choking on the gum you were chewing on.

y/n,

I have something very confidential to show you in my office. I think you’ll be very pleasantly surprised. Bring your sexy ass over here at 16:00 sharp.

Johnny Suh

You must have re-read those 30 words about a thousand times to ensure you weren’t making things up. You freshened up your makeup, thanking the gods of sex that you decided to wear cute underwear this morning. All the things you were daydreaming about since your first meetup at the main elevator, were finally about to happen. Fidgeting around in your seat, you felt yourself getting wetter thinking of all the nasty things Mr. Suh was planning on doing to you in his office.

It was 16:25 when you walked up the stairs, not brave enough to make a man like Johnny wait. All his assistants were gone, probably send off somewhere to avoid having them hear your little unprofessional tête-à-tête.

You walked into his office, the door slightly open. He was sat on his chair, the back turned to you and you started to feel nervous. You didn’t notice he had changed his hair. And wasn’t he wearing a different suit this morning?

“Um Johnny? You asked to see me?”

He tsked at you, turning around.

“16:28? I thought you had more of a backbone than that, y/n. Also thought you’d come in here naked. Disappointing.”

The smug smile, the teasing voice. Donghyuck.

“The email was fake wasn’t it?”

“Luckily for you, yes, I was the one who sent it. I mean, seriously. This ugly brown suit for a dick appointment with Mr. Suh?”

When you graduated university with honors, you didn’t think you’d one day be charged with the murder of a company’s assistant. But right at his moment, as you grabbed the stapler from the desk and walked over to him ominously, you thought it was all worth it.

“Lee Donghyuck, after I’m done with you the only dick appointment you’ll make is with the ER doctor, to get these staples off your balls”

He got up, panicking, and started to back away from you.

“Somebody save me, please, mom!”

You were ready to grab him by his tie and fulfill your threat, when you heard someone clear his throat at the door. And this time it was the real Mr. Suh.

He had his arms crossed, a smile appearing on his face as you shoved your friend away and immediately dropped the stapler from your hold.

“You know, you two are always wasting time over here, messing around. Maybe I should punish you”

Oh god yes, please do.

It was Donghyuck’s deadpan expression that made you realize that you had actually said that out loud. Johnny raised his eyebrows incredulously.

“Oh, so you want the overtime?”

“S-sure why not? Not like I have anything better to do on a Friday night”

Your friend rubbed his palm over his face, cringing at the situation you got yourself in.

“Please, stop talking, I beg of you”, he murmured, when Johnny spoke up again.

“Well in that case, will you leave me and y/n alone to discuss some details?”

Donghyuck nodded, closing the door behind him and it seemed like he took all the oxygen along with him.

Johnny sat on his desk, whipping out some files for you. It might sound stupid, but the email, though fake, had put you in a certain mood, and having him sit so close to you wasn’t helping your situation.

“I will only give you the run down but please ask the supervisor in your department to explain further”

You tried listening to him talk about your overtime, you really did. But the way he was sitting on his armchair with his legs spread out, was practically begging you to do what Donghyuck had suggested yesterday and get on your knees already. You’d tell him to continue his work, challenge him to try and keep typing on his laptop as you’d palm him through his slacks. You’d wait for him to get a bit impatient, licking him over his clothed cock until it felt like it would rip from the fabric. He was definitely big, and you wondered whether you could take him. You’d put him in your hand and start sucking on the tip, then lick your way down to his base. Maybe he would have to take a call, and you would make it a goal to distract him by fitting him all inside your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. His little office slut.

“y/n. Get under the desk. Right now.”

His voice brought you out of your daydream but his words triggered another one. It felt like the world around you was shaking. Did he just ask you to get on your knees under the table? Could he read your thoughts? “y/n can’t you feel the earthquake? Get under the desk”

When you realized what was happening, you wished that the earth would just swallow you whole already, taking away the embarrassment with you.

Donghyuck met you outside. He had evacuated the building along with everyone else, happy that the small earthquake got them an extra five minutes of break.

“Did Mr. Suh pick you up in his strong arms like your knight in shining armor and save you?”

“Don’t talk to me I’m still mad at you”

He turned you around to face him, his lips pouting at you cutely and it was really hard to resist his doe eyes.

“I’m sowwyy I was just trying to help you out!”

“Help me out with what?”, you sighed, tuckered out, “he clearly doesn’t want anything more with me”

“Oh yeah? Is that why he hasn’t stopped checking out your ass ever since you left the building with him?”

You turn your head to Johnny’s direction, just in time to see his eyes shift from you and Hyuck to the floor. Maybe your friend was right. Did Johnny actually like you after all but was really just that oblivious to your crush?

“All I’m saying is”, he continues, “that you need to be clearer with him. He is the supervisor of another department than yours, he obviously won’t act out anything unless you give him the green light”

You nodded at him, a feeling of determination coursing through you. His words reverberated in your head until break time, planning out your seduction. You knew that there was no way you would be able to concentrate at work unless you gave it a shot with Johnny, even if it goes terribly wrong. Tomorrow, you promised yourself.

——————————————————

And tomorrow did come, finding you right outside his office door. Taking long, confident strides, you walk past Donghyuck who for once, was speechless, eyes widening at your appearance.

Johnny’s favorite skirt hug your hips, garters barely peeking under it. Your shirt was a bit tighter than usual, an extra button undone, revealing your cleavage. The room was filled with the clicking sound of your high heels, that were as uncomfortable as they were sexy. It was barely considered work appropriate but you didn’t care. You hoped you’d manage to at least grab his attention, then let your talking do the rest.

Taking a deep breath, you knock at the door, slowly opening it. Johnny was typing away something, looking delicious as always. Your voice was way more sensual than you’d usually let it be in the workplace.

“Johnnyy~, good morning. I’m here for that file I need?”

He had his eyes still glued on the laptop in front of him, his tone as bright as ever.

“y/n! I would send Donghyuck over you didn’t have to- “

He finally looks at you, his eyes quickly moving from your chest to your skirt, only to stay for a bit longer on your legs. He seemed a bit taken aback, his breath hitching in his throat but he shakes his head lightly, regaining his stature.

“-you didn’t have to come all the way up here”

“I know”, you mewl, picking up a pen from his desk and clicking it closed, letting the tip rest on your bottom lip, “I just missed you”

You saw him stare at your mouth before he cleared his throat, coolly sitting back on his chair.

“I think you’ll take this back when you stay for your overtime tonight”, he laughed, too friendly for your liking.

“No, no. I would never get tired of you, Johnny. Besides, I have a great stamina”

“That’s good! Being mentally strong is very important in this business”

Ugh, take a hint already!

“Well, yeah, but physical strength is important too. You know, I’ve followed your footsteps and started working out. I can go on for hours”

His eyebrows lifted up at your statement, “Yeah? And you followed my footsteps?”

“Well, everyone in the office has noticed you’ve been hitting the gym lately, especially me. Maybe, you could show me some of your workout exercises later?”

He stayed silent for a moment, like he was contemplating his answer and you swore you saw the faintest blush on his cheeks. His answer, however, would disappoint you.

“I was thinking of organizing an online group aerobics class, actually. I think Yuta from my department might be interested in hosting it”

The feeling of defeat was written all over your face. You were done. Smiling politely, you told him it sounded like a nice idea and asked for the file. You felt so angry at yourself for listening to Hyuck’s advice, every painful jab your heels gave your feet seeming deserving.

Donghyuck saw you leaving the room and would follow you to comfort you but he fully understood your frustration. Since you left the door open, he had witnessed everything, and boy was he furious.

He barged into Johnny’s office unannounced, scowling at him. Boss or not, he had to give him a piece of his mind.

“Are you seriously that blind?”

Johnny blinked at him, surprised at his unexpected appearance.

“Excuse me?”

“Are you seriously telling me you didn’t get that y/n was flirting with you?”

“R-right now?”

Donghyuck licked his cheek with his tongue, getting gradually more and more frustrated. “Yes! Right now! The hottest woman in the office was basically throwing herself all over you and you didn’t even ask her out?”

Johnny was shocked, fumbling for an answer, “I thought- I thought she was just being nice”

“Nice??”, the younger man screeched then took a deep breath to calm down, placing both his hands on his boss’s desk.

“With all due respect dude, but either you fuck her, or I will”

———————————————————

Nothing could make the horrible feeling you felt from your embarrassing incident earlier worse right? Wrong. Because it was Friday and you still had to go through with that overtime you had stupidly agreed with.

All your coworkers from your floor were gone, no one crazy enough to willingly work on a Friday night. You saw them all leave one by one, internally cursing them for their luck. The office was especially hot tonight and you were suddenly glad for choosing that skimpy outfit to wear today, even if it didn’t fulfill its original purpose.

In your deep concentration over the files scattered on your desk, you almost didn’t notice the shadow next to your office’s door. You could recognize these broad shoulders from miles away.

“Johnny, you didn’t go home yet?”

“I’ll leave soon, just wanted to give you some tips your supervisor noted for the work you’ll do tonight”

He smiled warmly at you, but his eyes held something you hadn’t seen before. Slyness, mischief maybe? You didn’t have much time to think about it anyways, because in a moment he was standing over you, next to your desk.

“You see, the loss of this week’s sales…”, he started, lifting the sleeves of his shirt up and revealing his veiny arms that you so adored, “...it’s much bigger than you think”

You gulped, your throat suddenly dry. His voice was deep, seductive, eyes staring right into yours.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Yes. Doing all this paperwork, it’s very… hard. And it’s so hot in here, right?”

He kept his gaze on you, loosening the tie he wore around his neck. Was this your mind playing games with you again? You weren’t sure but he looked so good you couldn’t help your body from responding to him.

You got up from your seat, resting the side of your ass on the desk to be closer to his height. “If I got it right, you suggest that maybe you need to stay around for a bit? Help me out?”

He nodded, coming closer to you. You couldn’t stop gawking at the way his chest filled up his shirt so nicely, not caring if you were being obvious anymore. He was standing almost between your legs, and you could feel his breath fanning your face.

“It’s going to be tiring, but if you follow my orders you’ll get to finish. Think you can take it?”

Was it his suggestive words or his plump lips that made you feel so lightheaded? Either way, you wanted to dive in, to finally taste him. But you just had to ask.

“Johnny?”

“That’s my name”

“We aren’t talking about finance, are we?”

He stepped even closer, situating himself between your thighs that you gladly opened for him.

“Fuck no”

The way your hands grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a kiss, was almost animalistic. Johnny kissed you back with almighty force, open mouthed and breathing heavily. With the dominance that characterized him and a bite on your bottom lip, he pulls you up on your feet by the ID that was hanging from your neck. He tasted like smoke and mint gum.

“I thought you’d quit smoking?”

You felt his right hand grab your throat and he broke the kiss, forcing you to look at him. It wasn’t the pressure to your air flow but his eyes that had you on edge. The usual golden flecks adorning his orbs were hidden behind his dilated pupils. “I’m just a man. There are some things I can’t resist”. He dipped his tongue into your mouth, making you feel like you’re in a fever dream with the way all your fantasies were coming to life. “Open up”, he growled against your lips and you obey like you promised to. He spit in your mouth, in a manner so dirty it had your knees shaking.

You started unbuttoning his shirt, wanting to see more of him. Starting with running your hands over his raging heartbeat, you continue down his abs and end up fumbling with his belt. Johnny helped you, springing out his cock and, damn, he may be half hard but that was the biggest dick you’d ever seen in your life.

He chuckles at your widened eyes but instead of making some cocky remark like you expected he leans down, leaving soothing kisses on your jaw. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you”. He continued his kisses to your neck, all the while unbuttoning your shirt. Leaving it on you, he pulls your boobs over your bra and starts playing with your nipples. The tingling on your breasts was tightly linked it the one on your heat and you decided you needed more.

You took his fingers from your chest and placed them between your folds. Johnny cursed out with how wet you were for him, and started rubbing circles over your clit, occasionally dipping the tips in your entrance. He kept at it, relishing in your moans and he would have ripped his tight little skirt off of you if you were in his bedroom. The build up sexual tension along with the semi-public setting made you close to losing yourself in him. You just needed a push, and Johnny was more than happy to give it to you.

“You’re gonna cum for me. That’s what you wanted wasn’t it? Why you got all dressed up like that?”

“Yes, for you, fuck Johnny”

“Come on, let it all out. Cum so I can fuck the hell out of this tight pussy of yours”

You came all over his fingers, grabbing his arms for support. He gave you a moment, wiping the tears off the corners of your eyes while kissed you slowly. When you started kissing him back with a refuelled passion, signalling that you were ready for what he had to offer, he was back, rougher than ever.

He petted your pussy, collecting your wetness and spreading it all over your folds. You jumped up when you felt him slap over your clit, the lines between pain and pleasure from the overstimulation blurry.

You knew Johnny was strong, but the easiness with which he lifted you from the desk onto your armchair shocked you. Spreading your knees as wide as the cushioned seat allowed you, you stuck your ass out for him. He gave your ass a little slap while you waited for him to slip on a condom. He came prepared, you thought, probably planned on doing this from the moment he stepped into your office.

Johnny filled you up completely, your hypersensitivity making you feel his thickness in all its glory. He started off slow, careful of your tightness, but as he picked up the pace, your vision was all stars and constellations of pleasure. You must have moaned too loudly, because he stopped his thrusts and, in a moment, you felt him shove his tie inside your mouth.

“There’s still some people in the building, remember? Or do you like my cock so much that you don’t even care if they hear?”. You couldn’t muster an answer so you just kept drooling through the fabric your teeth bit into. Your pussy was dripping onto the leather, your wetness allowing Johnny to sink even deeper inside you. The feeling was so overwhelming that you opened your mouth wide in a moan, almost dropping his tie in the process.

You reached out your hand behind you to grab one of his arms in desperation. “I’m so close, so close, don’t stop”. He stared back at you with a crazy look on his face, and pinned your hand back on the headrest in front of you. Lifting one of your legs in the air, he starts fucking you so rough you thought the chair was going to break.

Your second orgasm hit you hard, your trembling body making it clear his size got too much for you. But there was no way you’d let him leave this office without cumming.

You climb down from the chair and got on your knees in front of him. Grasping his cock from the base, you started leaving open mouthed kisses on his balls first. You suck one in your mouth and glance up at him with the most innocent look you could muster, the contrast to your actions driving him insane. Johnny leans his weight on his hands positioned on your desk, letting you work your magic.

Returning on his tip, you ran your tongue in kitten licks on the slit, teasing him. An eyebrow raise from him compelled you to behave, pushing him all the way down at once. It was almost as if you pressed a button at the end of your throat with the way it triggered a guttural moan from him. He weaves one hand through your hair to keep you in place for a second longer and you gag. His dick pulls out, and the string of saliva falls over your white shirt making the fabric look see through. The sight of your lipstick on him, your watery doe eyes and your nipples poking through your now wet shirt was divine. He pushed past your lips again, and this time you made a good use of your tongue. You quicken your pace, his shaky groans and sharp gasps letting you know he was nearing his release.

Grabbing both his flexed thighs, you concentrate your breathing though your nose and deepthroat him again. Johnny growls, hips stuttering and eyes fluttered closed in delight. Warm liquid runs down your throat, almost choking you, but you take it all, relishing in his grunts and the way he moans your name.

After you catch your breath he bends down, planting a gentle kiss on your lips and offers a hand to help you up. You buttoned up in an awkward silence, not exactly sure what should be said after a session like that in a place like this.

“So, I’m guessing Donghyuck told you about my little crush on you?”

“Yup. You should thank him”. He smiles at you sweetly, pinching your cheek lightly and then moving his thumb in circles over the skin. “You also should have told me”

You rolled your eyes, “Not like I haven’t tried to! How much more obvious did I have to be?”

“I’m sorry! It’s just- you’re so pretty and I didn’t wanna be another one of the creepy guys that probably hit on you in the workplace”

Smiling at his thoughtfulness, you chose to forgive him and reached up for another kiss. He engulfs you with his long arms, and you push some hair off his eyes, admiring their softness.

“How about, I let you finish up here and we go for dinner after you’re done?”

“I’m not sure how I’m gonna concentrate after what we did”

“I’ll cover for you, but I can’t promise you that I’ll stop myself from distracting you”

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