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polaroidcats · 7 months

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Ugly crying & the marauders generation - a pseudo-scientific approach (my marauders crying PhD abstract)

Abstract

In recent days, there have been a variety of claims as to who the prettiest and ugliest crier in the marauders generation could be. This paper aims to address the recent surge in opinions on the matter, and categorize different approaches as well as add a new approach to the scientific examination of ugliness/prettiness when it comes to crying. I hope to provide readers with an overview of the current state of research and encourage all marauders scholars to add their own and I intend to make a contribution to the discourse by committing to the bit and writing a pseudo-academic paper about it instead of actually working on my thesis.

Introduction

In the following paper, the discourse about 5 marauders era characters will be examined in regards to their various levels of perceived ugliness whilst crying. Scholars who may ask why Peter [Pettigrew] is not included in this analysis are advised to refer to acclaimed marauders ugly crying scholar @lynxindisguise's (2023) original poll on the popular blogging website "tumblr.com" which did not include Peter, but rather two non-marauders characters named Lily and Regulus. This paper will follow that approach, since Peter is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met, I do not trust him and he is a fugly slut. The characters included in this approach are as follows: James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Regulus Black.

Following the scientific criteria for ugly crying, as stated by lynxindisguise et. al (2023), the question of the ugliest crier can be answered by observing the crying person and assessing their ugly-levels on the following parameters: (1) unbecoming facial expressions, (2) facial swelling/blotching, (3) unsettling noises, (4) snot factor, (5) tear volume, (6) general loss of dignity, (7) glistening eyes/lashes, (8) Victorian heroine factor, (9) elegant tear-wiping, (10) post-cry glow (ibid).

Criteria (1)-(6) can be categorized as the ugly crying parameters whereas (7)-(10) are pretty crying parameters, creating a false binary between ugly and pretty crying, which may be problematised and addressed in another the paper. In contrast to lynxindisguise’s original 10 criteria to measure the aesthetics of crying, this paper proposes to add (11) explosiveness of cry as another ugly crying parameter, in order to get a more clear assessment of where on the ugly-pretty crying scale a character falls.

The ugly crying parameters

(1) Unbecoming facial expressions

James Potter is mentioned in this category by several marauders scholars: @jaylienpotter talks about his red face and ugly sobbing, @artbyace mentions his “scrunched up cry face” and @sectoren claimes “james (…) is that one handsome guy that when the waterworks get going becomes like. Cartoonishly ugly”, raising the question of upkeeping toxic masculinity in order to avoid having to witness more of James Potter’s crying “mug”.

Though James Potter features heavily in this category, another character who is also mentioned just as often is Remus Lupin: @kaaaaaaarf, @appreciatedmoron and @http-starboy all emphasise that Remus Lupin is the one with a red and blotchy face.

(2) facial swelling/blotching

While there is a definitive overlap between the categories of facial swelling/blotching, unbecoming facial expressions and snot factor, Sirius’ and Regulus’ victorian heroine complexions, which give them an advantage in the homonymous category, may be to their disadvantage in the “blotching” category. This will require further research by other scholars.

(3) unsettling noises

James Potter is mentioned in this category by Jaylienpotter (2023), claiming he not only hiccups when crying but also that “his cries are one of the most heartbreaking things you’ll ever hear” and similarly, artbyace states that “James loves and feels so loudly”, whereas “Sirius is silent”, both sentiments are reminiscent of znelda’s (2023) statements that James “was allowed to feel his emotions freely in a loving household” and “Sirius (…) [is] used to hide [his] feelings and [has] become stoic”.

With several other scholars, among them also @jamesunderwater (2023) raising the point that James may be the ugliest crier due to him being “the only one well adjusted enough to have access to his feelings” this raises the question of possibly introducing another category, maybe of emotional awareness/stability to be able to measure this parameter more efficiently, though emotional vulnerability may also just be a part of the unsettling noises parameter, suggesting that there is a correlation between noisiness and the existing environment being welcoming to and accepting of various expressions of emotions.

(4) snot factor

The most popular winner in the snot factor category seems to be Remus Lupin, with several scholars agreeing that his sobs are the dampest and snottiest out of all the candidates. kaaaaaaarf (2023) writes “he turnes all red and blochty and snot drips out of his nose (…) he cant (sic) not cry with his mouth open as well so there is a lot of spit”, and appreciatedmoron (2023) agrees with kaaaaaaarf on this.

It only seems right to me to include spit in the snot category as well, seeing as they’re both crying-related bodily fluids that add to the ugly-cry factor. http-starboy (2023) also mentions snot in regards to Remus Lupin, which compared to both their comments in (1) opens up the question of how unbecoming facial expressions, more particularly redness of the face and snot factor may be related, as several authors seem to write about both specifically in relation to each other. Whether this is just pure coincidence or not would need further research, for which we currently do not have enough funding. This is only one of the many research gaps in the relatively new field of marauder’s ugly crying studies, which cannot fully be addressed in this paper.

James Potter is also mentioned in the snot category, namely by the marauders scholar artbyace (2023).

(5) tear volume

Artbyace (2023) claims James Potter is “full on bawling” which can only be assumed to refer to tear volume, but the most convincing argument for tear volume comes from the acclaimed marauders scholar @fruityindividual (2023), stating that “tsunami warning tones go off in sirius’ brain anytime remus is close 2 (sic) tears” which already indicates high levels of tear volumes. The author then goes on to specify the volume by claiming that “indeed the ocean wishes rj lupin would jump in and help contribute 2 (sic) rising sea levels”, further emphasizing the volume of Remus's tears.

(6) general loss of dignity

@pastaplatypus (2023) writes about James Potter not being able to do a Melodramatic Bollywood Cry, which is perceived as inherently racist by the crier.

I would like to argue that Sirius Black also deserves to be mentioned in this category. While as of today, with less than 1 hour left to vote, 15.5% of voters agree that Sirius is the ugliest crier, the more outspoken voices all argue for different ugly criers. Due to their upbringing, I am tempted to name both Black brothers in the “loss of dignity” category and look forward to reading future contributions to this discussion.

The pretty crying parameters

(7) glistening eyes/lashes

Undoubtedly Sirius Black deserves to be mentioned in this category. I believe his dark lashes and glimmering eyes are part of what makes him the prettiest crier. Whereas Remus’s eyes also sometimes glisten or appear red, and it is usually attributed to be caused by drug consumption, which more often than not is a wrong assumption, but he happily goes along with the pretense of being a weed-smoking bad boy in order to hide his ugly crying damp tendencies.

(8) Victorian heroine factor

It almost seems superfluous to even mention Sirius (and, to a lesser degree, Regulus) Black in this category. This category was made for Sirius, as is apparent when reading lynxindisguises (2023) description of the victorian heroine factor, in response to a question by the scholar @plecotusauritus:

“the Victorian Heroine Factor is a deeply scientific assessment of the Vibes. Is this person giving tragically beautiful, windswept Victorian Heroine, sobbing gently into their hands while sprawled across a boulder or a well or a fountain of some sort? When they look up at you, do their tear-plumped lips part elegantly as a single tear slides down their cheek?”

(9) elegant tear-wiping

There hasn't been a lot of research in this area, but I would like to propose handkerchiefs with embroidered initials and family crests as another potential factor in favor of the Black brothers scoring high marks in this category as well as the Victorian heroine factor.

(10) post-cry glow

Artbyace (2023) claims “lily is always beautiful (…) even when crying”, which is echoed by znelda’s (2023) earlier claim that “Lily (…) [is] a woman and no woman is ugly when crying.”

Sirius is the other popular choice by marauders scholars for this category, with @in-flvx (2023) stating that he “handsomely handsomes while dying after 12 years of torture hell and another year in shackles”, which would mean that “a few tears would[n’t] stop him from being the hottest person in the room at all times” (ibid).

Additional parameters

I am suggesting to introduce an additional metric in order to further specify and better assess the ugly-crying levels:

(11) explosiveness of cry

@felixantares (2023) introduces the idea that Remus “is the type that very few people have been seen cry because he ignores every difficult emotion hes (sic) ever had (…) and it all explodes at once and its horrible to watch when he breaks down”, a sentiment shared by several of the other authors mentioned above in various other categories.

Further opinions & conclusions

The most popular consensus seems to be that Sirius cannot be the ugliest crier, sometimes also in direct comparison to his brother: @spindrifters (2023) answers the question of the ugliest crier with “obviously it’s regulus”, elaborating that “at least [it’s] definitely not sirius bc (sic) reg is canonically less handsome in all ways” which brings up the question if regular beauty plays into ugly crying. This is contrasted by lynxindisguises argument, that Sirius may be an ugly crier because he’s so gorgeous, and his ugly crying subverts the expectations of beauty:

“the most beautiful man alive looks hideous while crying, and his deeply awkward and perpetually damp bf (sic) is literally in his element while crying – dampness becomes him, you might say.”

This statement raises yet another question – does regular crying make the crier more or less ugly? Can an ugly crier become a pretty crier by practice or are we all born either ugly or pretty criers, condemned to this fate for life?

While this paper has given an overview of the current state of research to ugly crying/pretty crying, it has also raised many more questions. Other topics which may be addressed in future papers also include the philosophical question whether ugly crying is in the eye of the beholder and if it is possible to ugly cry without being perceived, and if it is possible to ugly cry if the person perceiving you doesn’t find it ugly. Since the research field of ugly crying is a relatively new one, we can only hope to read many more opinions on these and other topics in the future, and I look forward to reading different scholar’s approaches to these highly relevant topics.

#marauders #idek what to tag this as lol #i don't write fic i only write pseudo scientific papers on fandom analysis (apparently) lol i had so much fun writing this #even if just 1 person reads it i'll be happy i know it's ridiculous #scientific analysis of ugly crying #akso i tried to tag everyone i mentioned to make it feel more like i'm actually quoting them (which i am) but if anyone doesn't want to be #tagged in this lmk and i'll remove it haha #anyways okay i'll post it now #this is what happens when i go on tumblr during work hours and then keep thinking about how much more fun editing papers would be if they #were about the marauders instead of the things i have to read/edit at work #hp #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #regulus black #(this thing has almost 2k words and i wrote it in 2-3hours)#idek what that says about me #that this is how i chose to spend my tuesday evening #but i love it

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ne-nene-ne · 1 year

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Imagine being Nagi’s crush and Reo getting jealous, unsure whether it's because you're taking Nagi's attention or because he also likes you

seishiro nagi × fem!reader × reo mikage

- nagi is the primary love interest while reo has a one-sided crush on you (mostly from his pov too)

- includes a smidge of angst I'd say, (well actually not just a smidge teehee)

When Nagi was developing a crush on you, Reo was the first to notice. You were classmates, and you caught Nagi’s attention by playing the same mobile video game he did.

As Nagi was walking through the school yard with Reo, his ears perked up when he heard the familiar sounds of attacking noises and fanfare from his beloved game. Following the source of the sound, he found you, sitting on the bench and indeed playing the same video game that he did. You seemed so happy in your own little world that he didn't want to bother you. Instead, he would often peek behind your shoulder at a distance to see your progress. Your gaming tactics interested him.

Reo found the whole thing amusing at first. He elbowed Nagi lightly, "Why not just approach her and ask her about it instead of watching her like a creep?" Reo wouldn’t have encouraged him if he knew how this would eventually play out.

Nagi took his advice and approached you during those rare moments when you were having difficulty defeating a boss. You were incredibly concentrated on your phone screen, with your brows furrowed and teeth subtly biting your lower lip. It was an unusual sight to see that he finally felt the need to step in.

"Use that spell and use that attack at the same time, he'll be much easier to defeat", he says, earning a startled reaction from you as the silver-haired boy seemed to appear out of nowhere. Yet, you do as he says and end up finishing off the boss with ease.

You say your thanks, introduce yourselves, and segway into talking more about the game (and also exchange player ID's). The two of you began talking to each other more often.

This would be the beginning of Reo's 'dislike' for you.

Reo's irritation would increase when Nagi noticeably had you on his mind constantly.

Even with Reo next to him, Nagi's mind would still wander off to you. “I wonder if she’s online…”, he'd mutter and frequently check his phone, hoping that your active status would be green. The fact that Nagi would check nearly every 2 minutes particularly pissed him off.

In class, Nagi would come over to your desk, pull up a chair, whip his phone out, and you two would play the video game together. Poor Reo would be off to the side, sulking while his eyes were drilling holes into you. He'd be muttering to himself.

So what if you liked the same game as Nagi? What made you so special? Was it the way you'd sweetly smile at him whenever you saw him coming? Or was it the way your eyes lit up whenever he gave you a helpful tip to win? And that soft laugh whenever you thought he was being a bit silly. How annoying… Your blatant 'flirting' was irritating the hell out of him.

Reo was cut off from his thoughts when you suddenly called his name, beckoning him to come over with that same sweet smile of yours. And for a reason he couldn't comprehend, it made his heart beat a little bit quicker. What did you possibly want from him? He swallowed thickly as he approached you two. Turns out you wanted to learn how he and Nagi got into soccer as you noticed them practicing on the field after school.

'Is this your attempt to be nice? How dare you try to act so considerate when you're the root of the problem. I don't need your pity', Reo would think. Yet, he found himself answering all of your questions so willingly. Your eyes, brimming with genuine curiosity, were getting to him as he spoke that he ended up inviting you to watch their practice without thinking. Of course, you said yes.

Before he could come up with something to change your mind, the teacher came in and began class. He mentally punched himself. What was he doing? You were the enemy and he invited you to spend more time with them. But those eyes– It was those bright eyes that gazed at him while he spoke of his passions that got him carried away. He wanted more of it. You found his weak spot and he hated it.

And so you'd show up to their practices to watch them play. The moment both boys saw your figure waving at them, they'd instinctively try to show off. For Nagi, he hadn't realized it himself until he thought it odd that he wanted to put in a little more effort that day. (but that was just the effect you had on him). And for Reo, well, he just reasoned that if anyone at all was watching him, there's no doubt he'd want to look great.

But halfway through practice, he questioned himself. What was the use? You were looking at Nagi most of the time and not him anyway.

You had gained more of their affection when you brought them their favorite drinks and snacks once practice was over. Nagi would definitely eat most of the snacks you brought while you and Reo had to scold him to not eat either of yours. A muffled, "Thanks for the snacks, y/n" would come out of Nagi's mouth, now full of chips, and Reo would mutter a small "...thanks" (If you tell him to speak up or that you couldn't hear him, you'd get a rise out of him for sure, hehe)

And this would sorta be your routine with them. You would watch and wait for them to be done with practice and you three would hang out together afterwards.

Rather, in Reo's pov, it was more like you and Nagi hanging out while he was basically just third-wheeling, no matter how much you attempted to include him in your conversations with Nagi.

The interactions you two had were just different. The looks, smiles, and light touches that you'd give to Nagi weren’t the same ones you'd give to him. It was frustrating that what he wanted was right there but he could never have it.

And so maybe he could finally admit to himself that he's just jealous– Jealous that you were stealing both his best friend and his heart.