#talking with terfs

[crispyliza]

When people say "I don't want my child to be exposed to LGBTQ+ media because it will turn them gay" they actually mean "I don't want my child to be exposed to LGBTQ+ media because it might help them realize that they're gay".

#just a thought I had #lgbtq #gay rights #lesbian #trans #gay #bisexual #homophobia #crispy talks #queer #nonbinary #asexual #aromantic #ace #pansexual #genderqueer #genderfluid #agender #i used the word gay bc homophobes/terfs etc tend to use it as an umbrella term for everything lgbtq related

[thedreadvampy]

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

#red said #it's just. I'm obsessed. #everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong #this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT #because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION #i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this? #why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered #but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances #then she left and nothing else occurred' #if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING #i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened #because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all. #a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman #b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening #c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that? #you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much #it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'

[vaspider]

Feisty Lady Anger and other things about me you hate

My mother prizes her anger, for all that she doesn't express it openly. I tell stories about her spiteful, steel-spined responses to people who told her, "You can't do that," and I point to them as Why I Am How I Am. Her father told her he wouldn't pay for her college because "women only go to earn the MRS degree," and she could "get married and have babies" without college. In response, Mom got her bachelor's in Mathematics in 1970 on her own dime, back in the days when in-state students didn't pay tuition at state schools (just another thing Reagan ruined). She worked and paid for her books and housing, got her degree, paid for her own wedding because he wouldn't do that either. Taught school, got her Master's, had three kids, started her Ph.D. with 3 under 6 and became a professor when the youngest was 5.

Tell me I can't, my mom told the world, and I'll show you that I can. I won't just do it, I'll become a department head and a Distinguished Professor and retire after 30 years of teaching other math teachers with a list of achievements as long as my arm.

There is an anger that runs deep in the women in my family. Tell me I can't, and I'll show you I can. Show me injustice and I'll tear at it with my teeth and hands, staring you down while I do. Backwards and in heels.

I can't tell you the moment I crossed out of Feisty Lady Anger in the eyes of the people close to me, but I can tell you the moment I noticed. Maybe it was when my voice started dropping or the growing muscles on my shoulders pulled my stance more square and upright. Maybe it was when I moved from they/them to he/they, and somehow I stepped from Diet Woman to Too Close To Man in their eyes.

It's a funny thing when all of a sudden your anger becomes real enough to be startling to people. Your anger is no longer feisty, charming, and attractive. This thing that people liked about you, that people who say they love you said they loved about you, suddenly becomes frightening, upsetting, and terrible. The way you didn't let people mow over you and fought back used to be a thing that people admired. It was actively attractive. It was one of your best qualities.

Now? It's ugly. It's disgusting. It's scary. The thing you were is gone, and now your anger is real to them.

It's in that moment that the blade cuts back towards you. You realize the reason your squared shoulders and set jaw drew people in couldn't be squared with the stubble on that jaw or the newfound strength in your arms. Feisty Lady Anger isn't real, not in the way a man's anger is real. Feisty Lady Anger is admirable, sure, but it is admirable because of its essential ineffectual nature. At most, Feisty Lady Anger fixes minor problems for the kids at school, gets the principal to back down from scolding your child when she politely asks the kid calling her a faggot on the bus if he knows what that really means, pushes a woman to achieve for her family, in appropriately neutered ways.

When you stop pretending to be a woman and become who you really are, when your anger becomes real, you realize both that the thing about you that people loved is gone and that this thing was attractive in the first place because of its ineffectiveness. Your anger wasn't scary because it wasn't real enough to be threatening.

Now you have Man Anger, and, you're told, you should apologize for that. It doesn't matter if it's the same anger you've always had, or that you're angry about the same things. It comes now in baritone, with belly hair and bellowing, and now it's both real and disgusting.

The worst part is watching it come from people you thought should know better, the people who should understand. You spent nearly 40 years being told to sit down and shut up because the men in your professional career were speaking, assured that if you just waited your turn, you'd be given a place to speak eventually, and now here you are being told within a community that claims to love and understand you, by people that claim to be in community with you and love who you are, that you actually don't have any real problems to speak about, also your Man Anger and Man Privilege (when do I get that, please?) are Scary and mean you should sit down and wait, and you'll be given a place to speak eventually.

It is the Transmasculine Catch-22: if you become Man Enough to no longer fit into Almost Lady, your anger becomes Real, which makes you realize that your anger wasn't Real before, but because it's Real now, you're not allowed to have it. And by the way, you're not allowed to be neither Man or Lady - now you're Man Enough, and that makes it all the more clear how you were simply Kirkland Signature Lady right up until the point you weren't.

There will be a few people who Fucking Get It, who don't see you as either a Failed Lady or a Broken Man, and you'll love those people all the more for their rarity. It won't take the sting out of realizing that the things people you love loved about you before now disgust and repel them, but it'll make it enough to keep going.

You couldn't stop, anyway. You've never felt more yourself, and the people who don't love you, the actual you, the real you... the loss of that hurts, but not nearly as much as the idea of pretending to be something else did.

#transmasc #transmascs #transmasculine #transmasc issues #transandrophobia #personal #before someone says it #yes i recognize that this experience is very much a white experience with anger #this is a deeply personal essay #and if you come at me for it not fitting your personal experience as well #we will not talk #i will just block you #it not being fully universal doesn't mean it's not real or not deeply painful #this has taken me years to write #terfs fuck off #radical feminism has done more to neuter the ability of women to be meaningfully angry than any other 'feminist' movement #so just don't

[jerseymuppet]

like. okay i’m in bandom and like the only people that consistently talk about the women here are all. lesbians. or the feminists here for riot grrrl. but like. for every post about laura jane grace there are one thousand about gerard way. for every post about hayley williams there are one million about frank iero. and when a post goes around about women you can bet there are people in the tags talking about ls dunes and pete wentz and it’s like. fine cool. but Also.

#be so fucking for real!!! #apparently talking about this makes me (someone under the trans flag) a terf #look inwards!!! do some self reflection!! #just because your misogyny is going in a different direction doesn’t mean is isn’t misogyny #and I need you to think about how you talk about women and how that effects trans women #jude.txt

[bat-kidsarebi-kids]

I love you transfems I love you tall transfems I love you short transfems I love you fat transfems I love you thin transfems I love you hairy transfems I love you transfems who shave I love you butch transfems I love you femme transfems I love you it/its transfems I love you transfems who don’t use she/her I love you transfems who exclusively use she/her I love you transfems who pass I love you transfems who don’t pass I love you transfems who don’t want to pass I love you transfems who are on HRT I love you transfems who aren’t on HRT I love you transfems who don’t want to transition I love you transfems who are still closeted I love you if you have a penis I love you if you have a vagina i love you if you are intersex you are not a sex object you do not exist for other people to use you up you are worthy of love regardless of your relationship to sex & you deserve to be backed by your community 100% of the time. transfems you are always safe on my blogs. i see you transfems I love you transfems you are more than enough exactly as you are transfems

#also i wish we’d talk more about transfem/aspec solidarity #marginalized by our own communities? #constantly denied our existence? #shoved into tiny boxes according to what others think we should be #constantly assessed for our relationship to sex and nothing else #transfems i can’t speak for all aces but i have your back #your fight is my fight sister ❤️ #trans #transgender #gender #trans positivity #trans safe #transfem safe #transfem #transfemme #t4t #t4t solidarity #terfs dni #mine #bkabk says words

[junotter]

All the jokes about Ken and horses are good but I just wanna say it's such a good parallel to how actual young men get swept into misogyny and the patriarchy.

Like they're told to believe it means men get to be cool and manly and have this power but with that comes extremely rigid commands of what they can be as a man and a cycle of self hatred for never matching those gender roles perfectly. Patriarchy tells men that if they just do exactly what is expected of them, then they get all the "cool stuff" that comes with. That doesn't work though when there's only a small group that actually gets that power, but men will keep trying to fit into those roles in hopes that they can.

In the end there are no horses or the myth men are told, it's just endless cycles of self hatred and ingroup fighting.

#barbie #barbie movie #barbie spoilers #ig #ive got a lot more on how barbie looks at feminism and the patriarchy cause god they did it #not to say there isnt faults such as very little conversation about intersectionality #but i can also understand the impossible task of talking about EVERYTHING in one movie #not everyone will be happy and thats fine #anyway i think something barbie did really well is fight this battle of both wanting so deeply to love (romantically or not) men but also #not dismissing the fact its mens job to solve their problems themselves #that even if women need to be the front runners of breaking the patriarchy men cannot rely on them to solve their own problems completely #also just god im so glad this wasnt a girl boss slay movie #women deserve respect and love and life regardless of accomplishment #we should not have to be ceos and presidents and world problem solvers to gain equality #i can also understand if nonbinary people feel left out/disconnected from the movie #but as always gender abolition and acknowledging the gender binary (ie the one societially impossed) go hand and hand 👍 #just incase cause idfk terfs dni the barbie movie is not for you #barbie literally states constantly that her gender has nothing to do with (non existent) genitals so f off

[spitblaze]

I will say this once because I'm tired of seeing stupid discourse: anti-transmasculinity is not about being treated bad because we clock as men, it's about being treated as stupid little girls because transphobes think we've been tricked into this.

It's kind of the opposite of transmisogyny- instead of fear and revulsion, it's constant condescension, the implications that we've been whisked away from femininity by scary bad guys, that we're going to cause 'irreparable damage' because we don't know what's best for ourselves, somehow. People fearmonger a lot about the "ugliness" of transfem people, but for transmasc people that 'ugliness' is used as a warning- you'll look like THIS! You'll go BALD! Your top surgery scars will leave you MUTILATED! A lot of aesthetic concerns. Worry about our 'beauty'. Because it comes from that same stupid reactionary 'we gotta SAVE the WOMEN' shit, but this time they have to save them from getting 'stolen away', as if we're being seduced or pressured into this. As if we can't make our own decisions.

For TERFS specifically, they're losing one of their own. We're 'gender traitors', willingly aligning ourselves with the half of the population they consider unilaterally dangerous and evil.

We aren't REALLY trans, we just want the benefits that men get. You don't actually want to transition, you're just trying to avoid misogyny.

You aren't actually a man, you're just a self-loathing lesbian.

Why can't you just be a butch girl? Why can't you just be a tomboy?

Why can't you just be something that I don't think is icky?

Anyway. Like all things, it boils down to misogyny. Women stupid and gentle, dont know what best for them, evil men trick into taking man juice, must save because lady stupid and dont know what best for them (having babies and being Feminine).

Theres like. Obviously more to this but I'm just a Transmasc Rando explaining this from my perspective, and I'm not the best with words. Anyone is free to hop in and add on to this

#long post #transphobia #spitblaze says things #anti-transmasculinity #several disclaimers #i do not think misandry is real. #i think stigmatization of masculinity is real with a lot of women and terfs specifically #i think a lot of people whether they know it or not consider men to be inherently 'bad' #i think men are very often treated as emotionless and 'tough' by default which causes a lot of issues #but thats not anywhere near the level of misogyny. its a separate issue and not related #im not trying to say that trans men somehow have it 'worse' than trans women?? what would thay even accomplish. this isnt a pissing contest #and even if it was I'd lose #and my wording isnt the best bc this is a Midnight Rant and not a scholarly article #if you want to pick a fight about semantics consider that theres a good chance that i genuinely didnt realize what i said #anyway uh. yeah. this discourse is dumb i cant belive its happening #and i especially cant belive how bad people are at articulating the actual point of the matter #(not that im one to talk lmao) #doin numbers

[blueskittlesart]

tbh i think the transmisogyny problem on this site is so widespread at this point that nothing short of a complete overhaul of moderation protocol is going to fix it. the current system as outlined by that guy on staff whos digging his own grave rn is apparently purely based on responding to user-submitted support tickets, which relies on A) the users on this site having enough trust in the moderators to believe that submitting a support ticket might actually make some sort of difference, and B) the users on this site not WEAPONIZING that same support ticket system to unfairly target users who they dislike for personal reasons. Neither of these conditions were likely to be met even BEFORE staff had multiple scandals regarding unfair moderation of transfeminine users' content, and any trust that users may have had in that system has been completely eroded now. If staff GENUINELY wants to address this problem, they need to be proactive about it. there are plenty of tags where these people are known to gather. There is literally an entire third-party browser extension dedicated to flagging unsafe individuals. It's not like they're difficult to find. We've seen pretty clearly that staff has the ability to nuke blogs and tags entirely. The fact that they won't even HIDE tags like #radfem, #terfs please interact, etc. shows that they don't actually have any intention of making this site safer for trans women. they just want everyone to shut up about it. Even just removing the ability for terfs to find each other on this site could make a huge difference, but rather than do the bare minimum staff has decided to let one guy make whiny excuses and very loudly and publicly misgender a trans woman who they nuked for no reason. fucking embarrassing fr

#'we rely on user submitted tickets' buddy i don't know a single trans person who even bothers reporting terfs anymore #because we KNOW you won't do anything even if we do. one click to block is easier than a full support ticket especially if the ticket is #fucking USELESS #personal #edit: THE GUY IS THE CEO??? HOOOOLY SHIT DUDE PLEASE LET YOUR LAWYERS DO THE TALKING AT LEAST

[terf-tea]

interesting

#terf tea talks #need i say more

[babsaros]

hey. when cis society is oppressing a trans man, what he is experiencing is. In Fact. misogyny. i'm sorry i know none of us like to be reminded of our agab, and it hurts whenever people perceive you as the wrong gender. but a cis person hate-criming, assaulting, verbally abusing, etc, a trans man is not doing "transandrophobia" because they do not perceive him as a man.

they perceive him as a woman failing at her gender, as a woman who has been seduced and lied to and manipulated because women are so easily led astray, just like it says in the bible. they perceive him as a woman who has been mutilated. they perceive him as a dyke that needs to be fixed. if they are hate-criming him because they *do* perceive him as a man, because he passes well enough they aren't thinking he could be trans, then they're doing so out of homophobia, perceiving him as a gay man, a pervert, a sissy, a danger to children. OR, they are being transphobic but specifically because they think he might be transfeminine instead. when cis society oppresses a trans woman, they are able to do it on multiple levels at once. She's a woman failing at her gender, a dyke that needs to be fixed. Or she's an evil and grotesque crossdressing pervert, a rude caricature, a danger to polite society. she will never be doing enough to escape oppression entirely, no matter if she gets every surgery she can and wears makeup every day and passes perfectly, because she lives under a patriarchy, and she's a woman, so she lives in a panopticon, and HAVING to get surgery and wear make-up to be respected IS oppression, especially if the alternative is being hate-crimed.

trans women (and trans men who pass) are not experiencing "transandrophobia" when a 'queer women and nbs" event turns them away at the door for being too masculine. they are. IN FACT!! experiencing the byproducts of misogyny in a patriarchy!!! where the terfs and coward cis women running those events and occupying those spaces have been taught (sometimes through experience, sometimes by men, sometimes by women) throughout life that men = stronger and more dangerous than women ALWAYS. That they need to protect themselves at all times and always be vigilant. That men and women can't be friends without sexual tension (and so as queer women the mere existence of what they perceive as a "man" is a threat). That women need a separate sports league because they can't possibly compete with someone who has even a little bit "extra" (an unquantifiable amount actually because there isn't a standard range) testosterone. That women should cook and men should fix cars. i promise you, i promise i promise i promise. it's misogyny. like!!! you don't say cis gay men experiences "androphobia", bc that's not a thing!! you sound like fucking mens rights activists guys please! you don't say a black man experiences "misandrynoir"!! because living in a patriarchy fundamentally means men do not experience oppression based on their gender. its not happening. shut the fuck up. stop walking us back to 2014 can we please take a step forward and stop bitching about this. there are genuine issues in the world and i'm frankly sick of people who should be smarter than that needing to be gently hand-held through this fucking explanation for the millionth time and still stomping their feet.

#cw transmisogyny #cw discourse #cw transphobia #longterm tme mutual pissed me the fuck off bye #everybody else gets to read this now #if you still don't get it idk maybe go stick your head down a toilet and flush #that might help #its so fucking simple stop drinking terf koolaid #if u are transmasc and have experienced transphobia i'm really sorry that happened to you. #and if calling it 'transandrophobia' makes u feel less dysphoric then whatever fine #but its not like. a systemic issue. #pls understand that #transmisogyny is a systemic issue we should be talking about. because misogyny is a systemic problem we have not yet solved. #i hope i never have to talk about this again #lmk if i should tag it as anything else #or if i've worded anything in a way that should be corrected

[disconnected-dragon]

yknow I really didn't think it was possible to make me angrier at JK Rowling but then I found out she wrote a book abt an autistic person being sucked into a cult (that's totally not an analogy for trans people what you talking abt) because they just can't possibly know what's good for them, they need their fathers to come and hire private investigators to get them out of a cult. And in the book autistic people are referred to by the r slur and called "a bit simple".

I didn't think it was possible for me to hate this paternalistic, honeyed head-patting, self-righteous, hate-driven HAG of a woman more than I did but fuck me here we are.

#terfs dont fucking touch #anti gender critical #anti radfem #not to toot my own horn or whatever but when midsommar came out i legit had a 'oh my god is anyone seeing this?' momen #because everyone was talking abt how it was a 'happy ending' for dani like she didnt just get inducted into a violent cult #but heyyyyyyy thats just me what do i know #its not like im the owner of this brain or anything #OBVIOUSLY a british terf that lives in a FUCKING CASTLE and has NEVER MET ME EVER IN HER LIFE knows me better then i know myself :))))))) #anti gc #trans rights #ableism tw #tw ableist language #i hate jk rowling i hate her i hate her i hate her so muchhhhhhh #anti jkr #fuck jkr #had to edit the tags because i realized 'jk rowling' attracted terfs and i dont fucking want that noise #im already fucking angry im not taking being talked down to because im autistic

[public-trans-it]

Man, I genuinely owe my life to FtM Girlies. Without them I wouldn’t have figured out my gender shit anywhere near as well and would probably still be going “Yeah I’m a trans gal. That’s… close enough. I’m happier as that than a Cis guy so I must be, right?”

Without them I wouldn’t have really taken the time to sit down and realize just how fucking weird gender can be, and the kind of things you can do with it.

I will forever remember the moment someone I was chatting to was discussing their pronouns, and pulled out a damn FLOWCHART. It could more or less be summed up as “Cis people: I am a trans dude, I use He/Him pronouns. Binary trans people: I am nonbinary. I use They/Them pronouns. Everyone else: Use whatever weird shit you think applies best to me.” and looking at it forced my third eye open and allowed me to realize just how vast the potential of gender was as a means of self-expression and identity, and how much of our identity rests in our relationships with others.

That was the moment that made me take a step back and go “Well now hold on a second. DO I want to be a girl? AM I a girl at all?” Sitting down and questioning “If I was AFAB, would I be cis?” And realizing that the idea of being a cis girl was just as revolting to me as being a “cis” guy for so much of my life was. Had I been AFAB I absolutely would still end up as trans! Which got me thinking about what my transition goals actually WERE.

Even now years later I stilled haven’t explored the full extent of my gender, and the potential that still lies within it. It’s become so tangled up in my relationship to DID as well as my views of animism. It’s something deeply personal, and I’m not sure if I’d ever even be capable of sharing the full extent of it, though am happy to try for the curious.

The more I talk with friends, the more I realize I’m not alone in this. Bespoke genders are AWESOME and incredibly common actually! Even my ‘cis’ friends that I’ve talked to, when we really explore it, and up saying stuff like “Yeah I’m like 90% cis. There’s certainly SOME complex stuff there but it’s small and not worth the hassle”, but even as they say that I can see that bit of joy of not HAVING to bottle up that tiny bit anymore. And it’s beautiful!

EVERYONE should be comfortable exploring the full extent of their gender. Everyone should take pride in that little tiny sliver of gender fuckery dwelling inside them!

Fucking… reply or tag this post with what your own personal brand of genderfuckery looks like! I wanna hear it! I wanna give everyone that outlet!

#honestly as much as I despise them… this post is TERF inclusive #so so so many TERFs have genuinely fascinating relationships with gender! #and they also deserve that outlet to fully talk about it #because that’s one of the fastest ways to pull them out of the cult #once TERFs start discussing gender genuinely and openly with each other A LOT of infighting starts #specifically BECAUSE they are compressing very complex views into a stupidly simple framework #and a lot of their frustration with trans people is wondering why the framework works for us but not for them #and lashing out because of that #when the truth is the framework DIDNT work for us which is WHY WE ABANDONED IT #and I don’t think that these TERFS are all secretly trans people! they probably arent! #but the entire point of this post is that gender is way way way more complex than just fitting into two options #even for so called ‘binary cis’ people #that said THE REST OF MY BLOG VERY MUCH IS NOT TERF INCLUSIVE #FUCK OFF

[londonclubofsherwood]

As someone who has studied the history of Early Modern European witchcraft at university it is funny how many terfs spread theories as indisputable fact that are unaccepted within mainstream historical scholarship.

Yes men could be witches. No it was not a conspiracy against midwives. Yes it was rooted in misogyny and the societal disempowerment of women. No this was not the only relevant factor. Religion, class and social dynamics were also super important. Not to mention the blatant anti semitism.

The European witch hunts are such a fascinating and disturbing historical phenomenon, and I hate how it has been over simplified to support a radfem narrative.

#history #early modern europe #witches #witchcraft #the witch hunts #terfs dni #I would love to write more about witches and history but I'm tired right now #And I'm not talking about the old white dudes who didn't talk about gender at all #I'm discussing the current often women historians #and feminist historians take a more complex approach like the idea that the female witch is the 'anti-mother'

[stupot]

I feel like, regrettably, this website needs a crash course in recognizing a particular brand of post about female martyrdom and suffering that is really, at its core, based on OP's views on a holistic level, a post about hating """men""" in disguise. Female anger is righteous and does come a from a place of personal and historical suffering, and should be expressed. I truly do think that. But I guess Tumblr's userbase sucks because then you go on these blogs and it's post after post about how men are ontologically evil and sex work should be criminalized and women are these broken shattered creatures unilaterally scorned by MALES with no hope for justice. Just the absolute most childish reductive way of analyzing misogyny in our culture that always boils down to racism, prejudice against sex workers, and transphobia

#there's a post that's pretty innocuous on its face going around #about how people love characters until they're women or something #and there is hope in my heart that something that is generally a truthful observation such as this can be made in good faith #with a sufficiently consummate understanding of how sex and gender operate in a patriarchal cis normative society #and then I go on the blog and it's talking about how people should stop bullying terfs #there's also a post about how generalizing about white women means white women should get to generalize about black men #like a fucking course you're also racist #these posts are almost always by white women whose understanding of misogyny is exclusively informed by their own white experiences

[genderkoolaid]

If having sex without attraction is enjoyable, isn't it fucked up not to have sex with someone you care for? Some of my guy friends wanted to have sex with me and said no because I wasn't attracted to them and they stopped being friends with me. So now I'm. Idk. I ruined my friendships because I was told sex w/o attraction is unhealthy, but apparently I could've kept them... I feel so shitty, some of those guys were desperately trying to lose their virginity & I denied them for no reason 😕

Something being potentially enjoyable and not inherently unhealthy does not mean it is something you have to do. It can be enjoyable and healthy to go sky-diving with your friends, that does not mean you have to or that, if your friends break up with you because you refuse to go sky-diving with them, that you have done something wrong by not wanting to. Just because some people find it enjoyable doesn't mean you will, and just because it can be healthy doesn't mean it always is, especially if you feel like you have to do it to keep your friends.

You don't have to view sex without attraction as inherently unhealthy to not want to have sex with people you are not attracted to. If someone tells you that "sex without attraction is healthy so if you don't fuck me, you are an asshole" they are making a completely illogical point to manipulate you because they are both an asshole and bad at arguments.

#im assuming this ask is genuine altho it does kind of feel like bait #given that ive talked about aspec relationships in the past & TERFs are weird about that shit #m. #ask box

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

#this is so funny… #shit talking #the alleged ‚terf‘ in tumblr staff stays winning