#tbh i had those all spaces out & tumblr screwed it up
Note
MAC MAC MAC ,,, answer all the number ask questions .... I dare ya 👀
i accept ur dare 👀👀😎
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?my little sister probs ?
2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy af !!!
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?my nana tomorrow !
4. Are you easy to get along with?ummm,,,, i feel like im not but idk how others feel about that
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?hmm,, idk ? 🤔
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?ppl who look like they dont sleep very often (dane dehaan for example), ppl w/ pretty eyes, or interesting personalities tbh (idk what i mean by that, im thinking about Grimes & Billie tbh)
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?heck nah
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Dane since i mentioned him up there ^
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?yup
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?You probably !! 💕
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“haha, okayyy 💓💓!!!” to u 👀
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Bellyache by Billie Eilish, Grrrls by AViVa, Pretty Head by Transviolet, The Gunner by MGK, & party favor by billie eilish :)
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?mhmm!!
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Eh, kinda??? I believe in miracles, luck not so much
15. What good thing happened this summer?idk,, that was 5ever ago
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell no
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?yes !!!
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?nope :) i was too scared to talk to them in general tbh
19. Do you like bubble baths?i used to !
20. Do you like your neighbors?yeah!! some of them, i live by a lotta old people & theyre really nice !!
21. What are you bad habits?ummm, biting my lips/insides of my cheeks && some other things
22. Where would you like to travel?Canada, Europe, some places in Asia, & other states !!
23. Do you have trust issues?yeah :/
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?makin tea
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?all of them
26. What do you do when you wake up?i look at what time it is
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?im actually okay with my skin color now, i used to wish i had lighter skin though
28. Who are you most comfortable around?you !!
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?nah
30. Do you ever want to get married?nah
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yup!! :)
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?🙅🏽♀️
33. Spell your name with your chin.um,, maheczwi tried :)
34. Do you play sports? What sports?no, i played softball like 6 years ago tho (i hated it)
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?tv !
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yeah!
37. What do you say during awkward silences?i dont know if i say anything ?
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?someone who isnt a terrible person
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Claire’s, FYE, antique places, goodwill
40. What do you want to do after high school?i have no ideaaa
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Depends on what they did
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?idk, it can mean a lotta thingsbut tbh, im always quiet so who knowsss
43. Do you smile at strangers?if they smile at me i do :)
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?dang man, idk !!!! is both an option 👀👀
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?on school days, my alarm bc i have to climb down a ladderon weekends, having to go to the bathroom does
46. What are you paranoid about?my friends secretly hating me,, and probs other stuff
47. Have you ever been high?nope :)
48. Have you ever been drunk?nope :)
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?no :)
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Black
51. Ever wished you were someone else?25/9
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?The way my brain is wired
53. Favourite makeup brand?Hard candy probs
54. Favourite store?claire’s
55. Favourite blog?hmmmm, idk i follow a lot !
56. Favourite colour?pastel pink, blue, purple, gray, & white
57. Favourite food? apples
58. Last thing you ate? some chicken marsala thing
59. First thing you ate this morning?oatmeal
60. Ever won a competition? For what?I dont think so ? 🤔
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?nope !
62. Been arrested? For what?nope !
63. Ever been in love? nah!
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?it was w/ one of my childhood friends & tbh, that’s all i remember
65. Are you hungry right now?,,
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?i dont have tumblr friends tbh
67. Facebook or Twitter?ummmm, i dont like either
68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?yup! im watching tom & jerry 😎
70. Names of your bestfriends? youuuu !
71. Craving something? What?strawberries tbh
72. What colour are your towels?umm we got some gray ones & some purple ones !
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?one or none tbh
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?mhmm!!! theyre at the end of my bed (they make there way up to where i am tho)
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?👀👀👀👀👀 15-25 is a good guess,, for the ones on my bedi have a lotta stuffed animals
75. Favourite animal?fox, bunny, soo many othersss !!!
76. What colour is your underwear?purple
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla, tbh
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?a pink & black one :)
80. What colour pants?black
81. Favourite tv show?Looney Tunes
82. Favourite movie?hmmmm,,,,, idk honestlymy fav recent movie is wonder woman
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?ehh, not really a fan of either one !
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?ive never seen 21 jump street soo idk
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Karen (??? idk, the one played by Amanda Seyfried)
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?the octopus (idk her name), & Gil
87. First person you talked to today?my sister maybe ?? i honestly have no idea
88. Last person you talked to today?my sister
89. Name a person you hate?😉 we all know who i hate w/ a passion (hint: the name starts with a “n”)
90. Name a person you love?Alyssa, Billie Eilish (it only calls for one, but i love billie)
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?myself
92. In a fight with someone?nah
93. How many sweatpants do you have?likeeeee 2 pairs i think
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?dang idk tbh,, i have a lotta hoodies && at least 5-7 sweaters
95. Last movie you watched?Bolt
96. Favourite actress?ahhhh !! i have too many, soooDove Cameron, Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Emily Browning, Gal Gadot, Ástrid Bergés-Frisbey, Hannah Murray, Christina Ricci, Lily-Rose Depp, etc !!
97. Favourite actor?Dane Dehaan, Cole Sprouse, J D*pp, Freddie Highmore, etc
98. Do you tan a lot?no ?
99. Have any pets?i have a dog named layla && some fish !
100. How are you feeling?not too swell :/
101. Do you type fast?heck yeah man !
102. Do you regret anything from your past?so many things
103. Can you spell well?i’d like to think so, im not too bad at it :)
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?mhm
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?nope !
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?idk, honestly
107. Have you ever been on a horse?ive been on a pony, does that count?
108. What should you be doing?nothing atm !
109. Is something irritating you right now?yeah,, but it’s all good !
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?no
111. Do you have trust issues?aye (this is up there somewhere too)
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?idk honestly
113. What was your childhood nickname?Kenz
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?mhm!!! ive been to texas, other states going to texas, Washington DC, Mexico (i was hella young), other places bc of my sisters meets, && yeah :)
115. Do you play the Wii?not anymore
116. Are you listening to music right now?no, i might tho
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?yeah
118. Do you like Chinese food?yeh, some of it
119. Favourite book?hmmmmmmmmmm, idk !!
120. Are you afraid of the dark?yes
121. Are you mean?i can be
122. Is cheating ever okay?nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?ive never owned white shoes !
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no
125. Do you believe in true love?no
126. Are you currently bored?kinda
127. What makes you happy?um,, seein my bestest buddy, talkin’ to my bestest buddy, seeing cute animals, and listening to music
128. Would you change your name?yeah, tbh
129. What your zodiac sign?Aquarius :)
130. Do you like subway?no
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Idk,, i wouldnt like em back tho
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?this ones up there too !
133. Favourite lyrics right now?“Call me calloused, call me coldYou’re italic, I’m in boldCall me cocky, watch your toneYou better love me, ‘cause you’re just a clone” - COPYCAT by billie
134. Can you count to one million?gosh i hope so
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?hmm, idk ive told a lotta dumb lies
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed !!!! always!!
137. How tall are you?5’3”
138. Curly or Straight hair?curly/wavy
139. Brunette or Blonde?brunette
140. Summer or Winter?winter (even tho i hate winter)
141. Night or Day?Night
142. Favourite month?october
143. Are you a vegetarian?i wish
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?none,, tbh
145. Tea or Coffee?tea
146. Was today a good day?nah
147. Mars or Snickers?neither
148. What’s your favourite quote?hmm, idk atm
149. Do you believe in ghosts?yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Selling their bog recipes and crone aphorisms and schoolboy spells! It makes me sick.”from the Wicked book
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Random She-Ra Season 5 Thoughts: THE FINAL RAMBLING
Yep. I finally got all my crazy absurd thoughts about this gay adventure-romance-drama cartoon summarized into one incoherent yet fun to read computer document/article! ...four months after the show itself ended. Oh well, no one’s perfect. Anyways, there are a whole lot more insane observations than ever before, so I had to put it below a link so this thing didn’t back up my blog or any of yours. Hope you enjoy reading through these as much I enjoyed spouting them for no discernible reason other than I felt like it!
-I feel that since is the last season, I ought to talk about an important part of the show that I’ve been putting off: the animation. It’s… okay. It’s definitely smoother than what the original 80’s show and it’s brother series (heheh) looked like, but at the same time it still seems to suffer from similar limitations which causes some distracting moments of stiffness. But other than that, it’s pretty good. It’s no Titmouse or Studio Mir but it looks good and it gets the job done.
-After all, let’s not forget: “Imperfection is beautiful!”
-Even when things are at their lowest, Adora is a jock with a heart of gold.
-Horde Prime and the Galactic Horde’s aesthetic feels like a mixture of Catholicism, Scientology, Heaven’s Gate, and modern Microsoft, and honestly, that just makes him creepier.
-Speaking of Horde Prime, he didn’t waste any time with destroying Bright Moon. …apparently.
-Furthermore, on the topic of his giant holographic messages, WAS THAT A FREAKING MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE MOVIE REFERENCE?!
-Boy, Glimmer and Catra sure got along quickly! It’s almost like they magically understand each other because they both assumed leadership roles and screwed up big time! …I guess.
-Either that or this season is going to be a speedrun.
-Wow, the Rebellion sure got used to having a once-thought-dead king as well as a known enemy general/abuser running around their camp awful fast, didn’t they?
-Mara’s got a spaceship, a cyber girlfriend, a magic grandma, a dragon, a tragic backstory, AND a force ghost?! Dang, even in death, the girl’s got it all. No wonder everyone likes her!
-(*me looking at the TV rating at the start of episode*) “Why is language in there? Is there surprise cuss words or something in this season?” (*sees Horde Prime seize control of a clone for the first time*) “HOLY FREAKING SH—oh that’s why.”
-Applause to the crew for making the “dinner with Prime” scene for making a meal between a sparkly princess, a catgirl, and alien cult leader feel even more uncomfortable than it had a right to.
-(*me throughout the season whenever a clone was onscreen*) Is that Hordak? Is that him? Is that him? Is that him right there? Oh it is—oh no wait. … Is that h—
-Extra applause for having Glimmer learn from her grey-area wetwipe phase and refusing to sell out her friends again whilst telling the imperialist cult leader where to stick it.
-I would pay a sizeable portion of my life savings to hear what a Scorpia and Swift Wind duet would sound like.
-In fact, I’d double it if it was just Scorpia singing.
-Ah what the heck. I would triple it for an entire She-Ra musical!
-As happy as I am to see to see Entrapta interacting with the other princesses again, I have to say that their big reunion left me with some mixed feelings. Here’s a quick rundown:
-Entrapta, a grown autistic woman, being led around on a leash by non-neurodivergent teenagers—again: that’s bad.
-The Princesses confronting Entrapta about joining the Horde: that’s good!
-The Princesses blaming all their problems with the Horde bots on Entrapta’s actions and her hyper fixations alone: that’s bad.
-Entrapta explaining herself, admitting that she regrets her mistakes, and getting the Princesses to understand that she thinks and communicates differently, but in spite of that, she really does want help find Glimmer: that’s good!
-Entrapta never gets to call out the Princesses for how poorly they treated her: that’s bad.
-Entrapta saves the day and goes to space: that’s good!
-Scorpia and Entrapta still haven’t interacted even though the former is with the Rebellion in the first place because she went to look for her because she is her best friend: …can I go home now?
-How nice! Michah finally got to shapeshift!
-And he’s rocking that She-Ra outfit to boot!
-So is Darla a back up of Light Hope or do they just run on the same operating system and have the same voice?
-I could watch an entire season of Adora, Bow, and Entrapta going on space adventure in a rundown ship with their custom-made spacesuits, tbh.
-Is anyone else weirded out that Catra’s younger self looked at her in her flashback(?).
-Actually what WAS happening there, anyhow?
-(*watching Bow’s spacewalk to save Glimmer*) “Is that a Gravity reference?” asked the man who never saw Gravity.
-Speaking of spacewalks, how did Glimmer survive those precious few seconds in space? Does the teleporter teleport a breathable atmosphere too?
-Also, Catra, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to teleport Glimmer into space? I know you had a plan and the ship was right there but… Ah, never mind.
-Not that I’m complaining but Glimmer’s apology to the rest of the friend squad for her HORRIBLE plan last season went… surprisingly quickly.
-You know as cool as The Star Siblings are, being a quirky band of space-travelling siblings with cool powers and some trans rep to boot, I only have one small problem with them: weren’t there already Star Sisters on Etheria back in season 1?
-That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about Masters of the Universe characters to dispute it.
-Entrapta confirmed pan, objectum, AND horny on main. Dang girl, you’re gonna have fun whether you got Hordak back or not…
-“The Velvet Glove” is both a menacing and stupid name for a decadent overlord’s mothership.
-Wait, it’s from the 80’s canon? Oh. That kind of explains it, actually.
-Goshdangit, I wanted Catra to face punishment for her crimes, but I didn’t think that would involve going to evil alien conversion therapy!
-Nor did I want her to die! For a second. Actually, since it obviously wasn’t going to last I was… weirdly okay with that part???
-Horde Prime seems awfully okay with Catradora. I mean he’s still super creepy and manipulative about it, but also oddly progressive for an evil brainwashing cult leader.
-(*Adora transforms into a She-Ra through seer will*) First of all, called it. Second of all, WOAH MAMA now that’s a glow up!
-Wrong Hordak did not have to be a thing, and yet, I’m glad that he is.
-Hordak remembers the LUVD crystal and Entrapta… Hordak remembers Entrap—! It’s happening! Oh my gosh, it’s happening! Everybody stay calm!
-Wow, Entrapta didn’t have to be so forgiving of Catra for everything she’s done to her but she did. Only I’m not sure if that was Entrapta taking the high road or the low road.
-Or which road the crew took for that matter.
-I remember when I thought those “Chipped AUs” floating around here on tumblr were just something the fans came up with and that chipping people was not an actual despicable thing Prime does in canon. I miss those days.
-I know it’s not the same as before or the original design, but True She-Ra’s designs and powers? I think they slappin’.
-Hooray, Adora and Catra are finally making up! And it only took four and half seasons worth of communication failures, toxic villainous behaviour, and physical violence for Catra to snap out of it!
-…We can go back to Entrapdak now, right?
-Poor Elberon. First they unknowingly adopt a double agent then get invaded by the Horde and now they’re getting brainwashed and chipped by the Galactic Horde. They might be a cute village, but they got some pretty lousy security.
-You know it’s cute that Micah is doing his best to be friends with Frosta and get back in touch with his dad-side, but look I can’t be the only one worried about how the local King is a less proactive leader than the princesses or the known war criminal/abuser, right?
-“The Perils of Peekablue” or as I like to call it, “You Thought ‘Boys Night Out’ Caught You Emotionally Off-guard? Hah! Watch This.”
-You know I didn’t think Scorpfuma would be a thing aside that one moment of flirting near the end of season 4, but they really pushed for it to be a thing! This is… actually pretty great! Perfuma’s not perfect, and I would have appreciated giving them a little more time to bond and form some real chemistry, but at least she reciprocates Scorpia’s sweetness instead of rebuffing it in increasingly aggressive fashion.
-I’m not sure what’s more concerning: that Mermista set a boat on fire, that it’s worded like she had a fling as part of some experimental phase, or that Sea Hawk is turned on by this.
-Peekablue might not be real, (I think?) but he is one dapper dude! Female-to-male redesigns could learn a thing or two from him.
-It involved them getting stung and seizuring, but that was a heck of a way to reintroduce Double Trouble! I swear I got watching them cycle through their transformations in some sort of physical reaction.
-Or maybe that was just me worrying about their wellbeing…
-Okay, I get the Chips are huge, and actually rather clever threat, but how do these characters get chipped in the first place? I get there are chipped people who spread the chips throught the population but where do they get those from???
-Do one of those Horde Prime drones just sneak behind someone, slap a chip on their nape then hand them a whole bagfull and say, “Beep boop beep, Horde Prime’s Light, blah blah blah. Alright have fun, kiddo”?
-Or is it some sort of Alien: Covenant deal where they’re just floating around and Lord help you if one sticks to you?
-HOLY CRAP THEY ACTUALLY GOT SCORPIA TO SING! AND SHE WAS GREAT!
-Oh shoot. Guess I owe the crew twice my life savings now…
-Entrapdak might be what got me into this show, but it’s Double Trouble that kept me around, so you can imagine how happy I was to see them make their grand reappearance!
-Conversly, you can imagine my disappointment when they just disappeared until the finale.
-And on that note: HOW DID YOU GUYS LOSE DOUBLE TROUBLE?!
-You forgot to cherish them, didn’t you?
-So, Scorpia sacrifices herself just after finding a new girlfriend and gaining some newfound confidence, Mermista and Sea Hawk are split up,and Double Trouble didn’t join the main cast. Why can’t you just have fun like a normal cartoon, show?
-Gosh, I love me some shifting title cards!
-Is it just me or did they sneak in some more Annihilation references on Krytis?
(-Said the guy who was too chicken to watch the movie and just read about it and watched a few clips online.)
-(*audibly sighs*) FINE. I guess I like Catradora now. Are you happy now, SPOP Crew? ARE YOU?!
-Hooray, Catra’s got a emotional support animal! And they’re a shapeshifting magic alien cat. Those are the best kind!
-Is it weird that I knew that weird glowing stuff on Krytis was just magic all along, or was it just not hidden very well. Anyways, I like Krytis. I like that we got to see a truly alien world with its own form of magic.
-Plus, we got a logical advancement of the magic versus science subtheme with magic being Horde Prime’s weakness! Neato!
-Getting back on the “which is worse?” wagon for a second, I don’t know what feels less right: that Wrong Hordak’s big revelation and his resolution to free himself and his brothers and friends from Horde Prime’s control is played humorously, or that Real Hordak should be the one having this moment.
-That bit with Castaspella and Shadow Weaver where she tells Casta about Etheria being a living thing with inherent magical property, or whatever, while we got a peaceful shot of some boar creatures sleeping was actually kind of nice. It would have been nicer though if it wasn’t part of a power hungry abuser’s obvious scheme. If only there was a kindly old witch lady character who was in touch with nature and knew just what to say when someone was feeling downOH WAIT.
-Furthermore… Why did Shadow Weaver and Castaspella need to have romantic tension?
-Seriously though, where’s our Madame Razz quota this season? Where’s my supportive magic grandma timelord at, yo?
-Yup, they speedran this season.
-I’m actually really disappointed we didn’t see more of an intergalactic new rebellion rising up to fight Horde Prime’s forces across the universe. Especially if it meant we got to see more Star Sibling action!
-Again, I adore Wrong Hordak but I keep wondering what was keeping the crew from just bringing in Original Flavour Hordak. (You know, aside from teasing us Entrapdak fans and trying to distract us with a loveable new character in the meantime.) I mean he could have done the whole infiltrating the clone squads and tricking them bit, too.
-Heck, he could have done the wink, too!
-I’d gleefully point out Loo-Kee’s cameo this season but apparently, they already made some several seasons ago. That’s what I get for not rewatching the 80’s show and training my eyes first.
-(*sees Erelandians*) Are those freaking Toads and Toadettes?
-So, what’s keeping them from just hitting Spinerella’s chip again? Besides emotional baggage and gale force winds, I mean.
-Perfuma coming out of a cave scared out of her wits, demanding to know who’s there, clinging to her friends as soon as they come back, and balling her eyes out is a big, BIG mood.
-Frosta absolutely decking Catra in the face was nestled somewhere between cathartic and excessive.
-Netossa spraying her with a bottle of water on the other hand…
-Oh, so Greyskull was the name of a Rebel Squad! I think. Meh, the important thing is we got an explanation and it still sounds cool.
-Leave it to a couple of dads to make a secret message out of a dad joke.
-You know I made fun of Light Hope for being creepy, but I swear that avatar from the Spire is even creepier. I don’t know if it’s her face—those dang blank eyes, man—or just that it she’s less animated than the real thing, but it just felt… off.
-Aww, Noelle made Netossa’s princess weakness illustrations! So cute!
-Forget episodes that deserves Emmys, Keston John deserves one for voicing Hordak, Horde Prime, all the clones, and several minor villains and giving each and every single one a distinct voice! Where my king’s respect, eh?
-Yes, Catra you had a small disagreement with Hordak. …Over sending his girlfriend and your “friend” to DIE IN A LITERAL LIVING HELL.
-Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.
-Why does Perfuma get pressured to get angry and go wild when Entrapta’s the one who’s had it the worst out of all them? Why can’t my gamer girl go berserk, dammit!?
-Okay, but really, how do these fricking chips work??? Are they parasite devices who store Horde Prime’s Baptizing Dew then slowly pump it into their host’s bodies? Do they have their own nervous systems? Are they technorganic? Also, how and why do we need to make these chips are bigger threat then they need to be?
-Horde Prime showing up on Hordak’s throne in grand Killing Joke style and casually throwing shades at his brother’s overblown attempts to impress him is pretty awesome, but it feels strangely underdeveloped. Hordak’s not there to have his hard work insulted and we never got to see Adora have any similar encounter with Hordak here before, so unless you look at it from the perspective of someone who has been here before in the Horde story like Catra it lacks the dramatic weight it should have had.
-Scorpia resisting the chip to save her new friends was pretty great, though.
-I swear, when they got to the scene where Adora and the others figured out that Shadow Weaver was grooming her so she could use her to get to the Heart of Etheria, I was mouthing “You B***H” through the whole thing.
-They really brought back Etherian deep magic just so they had something to make Micah threatening. …okay.
-Okay, the rest of “Failsafe” messed me up, so here’s a rundown on all the other messy thoughts I had while the show ripped my heart and ground it to dog food:
-Entrapta and Hordak reuniting: Yay!
-Swift Wind yanking her away before she can get through to him: Boo.
-Catra encouraging Adora to try and take care of herself for a change: Yay!
-Adora hurts Catra and she runs away: Boo.
-Adora finally calling out Shadow Weaver on what an utterly horrible person she is: Yay!
-Adora resolves to risk sacrificing herself to save the world: Bo—okay, seriously, was all this suffering really necessary, show?
-I know I mentioned in my previous She-Ra random thoughts that I supported Glimmadora, but I am okay with Catradora and Glimbow ending up canon. The only problem I have is how rushed they feel—moreso with Glimbow. With Catradora, the crew had an entire season to make it work again and they took it. Glimbow it feels like they were down to the last few episodes and went, “Oh right, we were gonna do something with these two!” then did their darndest to fit in some chemistry in between all the other stuff going down.
-As ominous as it was, the music where Horde Prime starts hacking Etheria honestly SLAPS.
-Okay, I know everyone is magic or something, but I am legit surprised getting electrocuted in water didn’t kill the heroes right then and there.
-Sea Hawk tries to flirt with his girl even as she’s trying to kill him. Truly, he is a man of taste.
-What do you know, Shadow Weaver can only do good when she’s (canonically!) punch drunk.
-You know a whole lot of this could have been avoided if Holo-Mara was Adora’s mentor instead of Light Hope.
-When I think about it, it was actually really clever to make Horde Prime the final villain for Adora to face: a domineering decadent man who’s been in power forever against a humble emotionally vulnerable compassionate young woman.
-Not to mention the divide between cult-like oppression and progressive freedom. Or something.
-Holy crap, did the First Ones get a great freaking a Great Old One for a guard dog?!
-So, you guys seriously didn’t bring Angella back to reunite with her family OR mention her all season after the impact her death had on everyone all last season until Glimmer needs a power-up at the last possible minute and then you never bring her up again. That is absolutely a dick move in bird culture.
-Entrapta’s hacker sticker gives me life. Gamer girl gremlin princess forever!
-On the one hand, I’m disappointed that Adora and Catra don’t get to have an awesome couple battle against the security monster and win. On the other hand, Shadow Weaver is finally dead. YAY!
-With apologies to the writers and especially Lorraine Toussaint. She did splendidly bringing this character to life and even if I hated Shadow Weaver, I adored the effort she put into making her one of the most emotionally complex villains I’ve ever seen.
-Words cannot, will not, and will never describe the pure joy that I experienced when I first saw Hordak’s big scene: standing up to and disowning his tyrant brother, saving Entrapta, declaring his love to her (albeit in a nicely lowkey fashion), and then throwing Horde Prime to his apparent doom Disney style with Entrapta cheering him with sheer glee. GOSH, it was everything I could have hoped for from this season!
-Now if only they kept the deleted scene where they got a moment to themselves before Prime body-jacked him again like the creepy sonuvabich he is.
-Horde Prime just wouldn’t be a religious villain if he didn’t tell everyone to burn.
-Bonus points for actually trying to burn the frigging planet.
-Aside from the idea of Adora switching to wearing a She-Ra themed dress everywhere in the future, the future vision was really quite sweet, and seeing Prime step in to ruin it made it all the more impactful.
-Can I just say that it’s absolutely wonderful that the show, for all it’s flaws, said “**** senseless heroic sacrifices”?
-BREAKING: Lesbian cat finally makes up with her jock ex, has a canon kiss so pure it saves the world!
-In other news, Catradora fans are still spoiled rotten.
-Wow, look at all those character comebacks they skipped through! Look, there’s the chefs from Dryl, Double Trouble, Huntara, the Horde Trio, Imp, Madame Razz—are you kidding me?!
-Grumbling aside, I actually find the idea of the Horde Trio and Imp getting involved in a G-rated science-fantasy version of the first Hangover movie quite amusing.
-Oh dang, they pulled a Castle in the Sky with the Velvet Glove!
-As nice as it was to see Aodra save Hordak from Horde Prime and destroy the latter through exorcism via sheer compassion, I’m rather disappointed we never got to see She-Ra go full Metal Gear Solid Rising: Revengence on any creepy old cult leaders.
-Yeah, it would have gone against the “love conquers all” set up, but love takes on many forms, does it not? So, why can it not manifest as cleaving your mortal enemies with extreme prejudice to save your loved ones?
-Furthermore, in addition to Holo-Mara being a better mentor, Hordak raising Adora instead Shadow Weaver could have prevented a lot of similar problems. Maybe. Possibly.
-Eh whatever, he has a lifetime’s worth of fanfiction to make up for it.
-ENTRAPDAK IS CANON, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.
-And so is Catradora and Glimbow! That’s nice, too.
-Aww, how sweet of them to skip through Catra and Scorpia, and Glimmer and Micah’s big reunions! It’s not like we’ve been waiting forever for this stuff or anything. HahahahAHAHAHDHAHAHFHAFHKSADJHFKAJHDfine.
-And so it all ends with everyone either friends, in love, or both, as heroes decide to make up for it all with a grandiose sequel promising more exciting space adventures we probably won’t see! HOORAY!
-All snarky ranting aside, I actually really enjoyed the finale. It was exciting, heartwarming, and above all it ended on happy, hopeful note without leaving too many frustrating questions unanswered. (*glares with utmost contempt at Voltron and Star vs. The Forces of Evil*)
-You know, this wasn’t bad for a final season, but I think this might have worked better as two seasons. Not in Netflix’s cheap “split a regular 13-episode season in two 6-7 episode long seasons” strategy, but I mean two full seasons with their own storylines leading up to the grand finale:
-First, one that starts out with Horde Prime’s arrival the downfall of Etheria, focuses on the space adventures, ends with their return to Etheria and gives the characters time to recuperate from season 4.
-Then, we have one final season that focuses on the Best Friend Squad’s Return to Etheria, Horde Prime’s plan, gives everyone more time to properly reconcile before ¾ of the entire cast gets chipped, sets up a new Rebellion made up of Princess Alliance and former Etherian Horde members, maybe even set up a proper Hordak redemption arc or something, and then our big happy ending.
-On a mostly unrelated note, I also feel that the whole show could have turned out even better if it had been either a dedicated science-fantasy war drama with some levity (like the good Star Wars shows or Avatar: The Last Airbender) or a lighthearted yet empowering slice-of-life action-adventure romcom (i.e. basically a well-made remake of the original show in the style of Adventure Time and Parks and Rec or something).
-My final random thought for this whole thing: we really could have used a triumphant end credits song or something. Aside from obviously recommending Fabulous Secret Powers, I would have also recommended the original 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On,” a reprise of “Warriors,” Gorillaz’s “We Got the Power,” or (my favourite) Talking Head’s “(Nothing But) Flowers” since the ending scenes remind me of it.
Thanks again to the crew for giving me something to live for and/or complain about!
Now, let’s hope the He-Man reboots do as well...
#spop#she-ra and the princesses of power#spop s5#spop spoilers#she-ra#entrapdak#catradora#adora#catra#entrapta#hordak#bow#glimmer#horde prime#double trouble#shadow weaver#perfuma#scorfuma#scorpia#glimbow#king micah#castaspella#spinnerella#netossa#frosta#mermista#sea hawk#madame razz#mara#light hope
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30 Questions Tag
tagged by @anotherobsessedfangirl thx sweetie!
name/nickname: Since my first name's been on my blog for a while anyway, I might as well tell it: Alina. But most people here still know me as "parva (noctua)". This also brings me to my nickname, because "parva noctua" is Latin and means "the little owl". My favorite grandpa used to call me "owl" when I was little. That's one of my strongest memories of him. And my best friend still calls me "Kleines" sometimes. Best translation to English is "peewee", I guess, though "Kleines" isn't meant to be negative) How you call me is up to you. For me, every name's okay.
star sign: Taurus
height: 5'6" / 168 cm
birthday: May 15th
favorite bands: among many others Silbermond, Sunrise Ave, Radio Company, Queen, Måneskin (just to continue the new tradition :p)
time: started 2:40 pm. finished (with lot of breaks) 9:23 pm
favorite solo artists: That's even more difficult to answer^^", but definitely a lot of Hip Hop and Rap is involved (there is good stuff!) One of them is Curse, I still listen to a lot of his tracks. Maybe he is my all time favorite, even though I still love Everlast and Fiva a lot, too.🤔
song stuck in your head: Wanna be your slave by Måneskin (Well... xd)
last movie you watched: "Catching Fire"
Dream Trip: Road Trip to travel all across Germany and maybe some neighboring countries. But for this, I need to lose my fear about driving^^"
Last Show: "Grimm" on DVD
When I Created This Blog: This one must be three years old right now. There was another, I created... 7 or 6 years ago, when a friend showed Tumblr to me.
What I Post: Changes from time to time, a lot stuff's deleted, because I felt bad about Tumblr at the time and even considered to leave for good. But here we are today, still here, still posting "this or that." and weird rantings.
Last thing I googled: Bed frames, industrial style (comparing prices, looks and feautures) Due to some changes at home, my mom and I started painting and renovating some rooms.
Other Blogs: None
Do I get asks? Some of friends, but not many. But I love every ask and try to answer all of them. So if you wanna know something, just send me an ask (even if you didn't send one before 😊) It would make me very happy to interact more with all of you!
Why I Chose My URL: just go back to first question ;)
Following: 31 (fandoms, friends and art mostly)
Followers: Tumblr says 431 (varies from week to week) I guess, most of them are bots, because there are a lot of... x-rated pages in my notifications now and again. And most of my posts get 5-20 notes. Three years ago, there were a lot more - especially during the #ringsy or #toris "era" xd Sometimes I miss "good ol' times", but things change and what remains are some funny, some weird, some sad, some freaky and a lot of happy memories.
Average Hours Of Sleep: 5-6 during the past few months (rarely restful and refreshing) In the daytime, I felt sleepy and dumb - it's slowly getting better now. Lately I get up to 7 hours of (better) sleep.
Lucky Number: 5 due to my birth month and 9 (love the shape)
Instruments: This user is absolutely not musical, but loves to warble her favorite songs. I remember one day in improv theater (behind the mixing console): One of the younger groups performed to music and I was quietly humming/singing along to the song. The guy next to me (an intern, too) just said: "Just stop it already!" Me: "What's the matter? I know, I can't sing. I'm just one of those singing-in-the-shower people. It's just for fun." Him: "So what. You can't sing, so don't."
So if you're one of those crooked-voiced people like I am - shut the fuck up. Just kidding! Screw party poopers like.... let's call him Carl.
What Am I Wearing: Right now some blue long sleeve shirt and jeans. In general: mostly casual, spiced up with a lot of hoodies xd
Dream Job: I did a BA in Social work, focusing on Drama in Education/theatrical pedagogy . Loved improv theatre, but never had the guts to pick up where I left off^^"
Favorite Food: Nearly all kinds of soup, cheese and mixed up leftovers, tbh. There's nothing better than that.
Tea or Coffee: Tea lover, but addicted to morning coffee
Nationality: German.
Favorite Song: All time fav: "100 Jahre (years)" by Curse. Current: "City Grown Wollow" by Radio Company
Last Book I Read: 1. finished re-read: "Supernatural - Heart of the Dragon" and 2. nearly finished: "The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes".
Top 3 Fictional Universes I Would Like To Live In:
1. "Grimm", actually. I like the idea of Grimm's (and other's) Fairy Stories being real in this kind of way. Wesen, creatures (apparently human) only visible for Grimms. Sure it's a potentially dangerous world to live in, but it's also truly fascinating and full of surprises. I mean, a vegetarian Blutbad (Bad Wolf) doing Pilates for a peaceful "let's not let this get out of hand, I just had the carpet cleaned" lifestyle. And I also like the idea, that there's more in the world than meets the eye.
2. An "The Three Investigators AU" with bit less of stereotypes, though. The german radio plays of "Die Drei ???" is kind of a cult for so many generations since 1979. For 42 years now there are the same three voice actors for Justus/Jupiter, Pete and Bob - and I guess, that's part of its success. Adults, teens and kids grew up and grew old with them, learning about friendship, courage and not giving up. Three friends, a salvage yard and cherry pie. Actually it's sort of a time capsule: Forever 18, forever holidays full of adventures: Solving riddles, having fun, catching "the bad ones". There's always a solution, always a story with kind of a happy ending. It's a safe space, a short peaceful time-out for me and so many others out there.
3. "Harry Potter Universe" because of similar reasons as in No. 1 (just don’t let talk about JKR here).
tagging everyone, who wants to 😊
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Episode 8: “On the upside we got the numbers.” - Andrew (who is then voted out by those numbers)
It’s always a sad and unfortunate thing when a player needs to leave a game for personal reasons.
I’m wishing Kevin all the best!
Welp. I don't wanna say that this sucks, but this sucks.
My closest ally walked from the game, and I hope he's ok. I really hope everything is ok with him.
But now, I'm a green in a world of pinks.
What my pink friends don't realize though, is I have a Safety Without Power advantage. Nobody knows about it. So if we lose, they cannibalize themselves, and that will be a sight to see.
But I'd like to keep my advantage for as long as possible. But if we lose, that'll be a fun tribal council. I can only hope it's a double tribal.
Now this - this is a redemption arc.
If a merge at 13 is next, then we are done! ugh.
MERGE HAPPENS
We merged!!
And I only had to attend a single tribal council in the premerge with 8 eliminations. That’s wild!
We’re sitting here in merge with 7 OG Palazzo, 3 OG Bellagio and 3 OG Luxor. If Palazzo sticks together, we’d have the majority whichever way you look at it. However, I don’t imagine that group is going to stick together very long.
Joey wants to get myself and Jaiden into single digits. I’d love to help get Jake into single digits as well. And I’d also like to get Livingston to at least 6th place. Honestly a group of that 5 sounds like a pretty good idea, and I might pitch it to Joey later today.
And now we’re doing mastermind! A game I love but rarely ever win. I usually come close and I’m hoping this time around I can snag a win and be safe this first tribal. Nothing is scarier than the merge round of the game. Anything at all can happen. There’s still some idols and extra votes floating around, maybe some steal a votes too. There’s also that safety without power and the legacy advantage, which may be able to be played this round?
Exciting things are brewing im sure.
We made the merge!!
youtube
So OG Palazzo must be tight. Good thing Steph and Joey are still reaching out. But I don't know if we can build up a resistance with the non-OGPalazzo. I mean, in theory, it can happen. 6 of us, with a steal a vote. But so much has happened voting on opposite sides, I don't know if it is doable. We can try. Better to go out blazing at 13th, than just waiting for your turn to be voted out before F7.
I MADE IT TO MERGE AGAIN... okay I feel good about my surroundings, as well as the people I’m next to. OG Palazzo wants to go all the way to Final 7, but I know that ain’t gonna happen, cause I’m turning on them as fast as humanly possible. I need others to see that I’m a strengthener to their games, and now that its every player for themselves, I think I can grab some allies and make shit happen. I have a Legacy Advantage, and I’m just trying to get to 6.
I’m sad I lost all my chips. On the upside we got the numbers
MERGE BITCH
Ok but for serious I don't have much to say so I'm just going to do an assessment of everyone on the tribe.
Andrew - I thought I was gonna like Andrew bc I thought he was c*te then I find out he likes The Sims so there was something easy for us to talk about!! But then... come to find out. He's not really interested in talking I guess. So I'm just going to leave him alone and not carry on a conversation.
Ben - WHY is Ben still here. I'm so annoyed. Ben tries so hard to be my ally but I don't trust him that much. Before the merge, he pitched a plan to pool our coins (meaning: I had to send him all of mine) so that I could spin the wheel and avoid going bankrupt. Then he said we're a final two. I was like,,, no thanks. I feel like he's going to blow up his game at some point, but I just gotta pretend better to be on his side. Idk how to do that exactly...
Jake - Jake has been THE biggest surprise of the merge to be honest. I actually really like Jake. He's a little "irritating" I guess, but more in the sense that he is just pretty bro-y and that's not my energy. I respect Jake's desire to be great in Tumblr Survivor, we have that in common here. I think right now, Jake and I are as close as you can get to working together without actually being a legitimate alliance. I want to see where this takes us because he's a cool guy and I really feel bad for talking shit about him before the merge.
Jeff - Part of me likes Jeff, but part of me views him as the enemy simply because he's part of the "Palazzo 7". I want to try and work on Jeff because maybe he and I see things the same way? I don't think this game is strictly "seven strong" like Joey perpetuates, I'll get to that in a minute though. Anyways, I want to see how things go with Jeff cuz he seems like a cool dude and I'm definitely a meninist and want to be his bitch!
Joey - I hate that I'm in a position where I both know Joey is vital for my game right now, but also that I can't stand his strategy. I like him as a person, let's make that very clear for the post-season - I just don't subscribe to his idea that there's a seven person alliance (which btw includes him according to numbers???) running the show. I will definitely feel Joey out some more before I make any decision to attach myself to him fully or throw him to the wolves.
John - THREAT. I'm on high alert for John and kinda trying to maintain a safe, social-distancing-approved level of space between us. I think that John is definitely running things at least in one or two circles and I don't want him to turn that target around on me. I also can't let him know that I'm onto him. John is probably playing it where everybody just likes him and includes him in plans, but in the event that he is pulling strings, that's where the issues start.
Kailyn - I don't really care for Kailyn anymore tbh. I kinda think Kailyn is playing a good under the radar game and I think it's in a lot of people's benefit to send her off to the jury sooner rather than later. I have no read on who she's close with though so that's the danger. Probably John? But who knows.
Keegan - I also am surprised that I like Keegan as much as I do. He seemed a little bit too smart for his own good? But he's actually rather nice. He flops like I do but I think he's a danger if I'm not careful. I'll keep on this guy and hopefully he doesn't target me <3 I'd rather work with Keegan than against him especially now.
Livingston - WOW I thought I'd like Livingston but goddamn this guy is BORING. Not only does he not message back, but he has nothing interesting to provide to a conversation. If he was the first person to go this round I wouldn't really be upset oop
Pat - We talked a lot about drag race. We played an org together and I remember now that Pat was fucking IRRELEVANT so I'm surprised to see this new energy. Who are you and what did you do with the real Pat?
Stephanie - I don't really like Stephanie's strategy either, she's just too damn likable and kind of floats on by, I wish she had left last time instead of Rachael because then it's likely Rachael gets the boot soon. But we'll see what happens. I just hope that me voting for her isn't going to kill our relationship and we can work together at some point, at least until she gets voted out.
Xavier - I have a hard time reading Xavier. I think I'm calmed down from feeling threatened by him. I trust Xavier enough to not go and screw up a vote again, but does he trust me? Don't really know. I want to work with Xavier at least for a couple votes but I know that he and Ben aren't on good terms and Ben is a vote that I need right now :/ The issue I have with Xavier is that he is positioning himself to kinda be a doormat just doing whatever people want and not necessarily.. taking control of how people look at him I guess. He sticks out for being the "dad" on the tribe and doesn't bring a lot of his own personality to conversation - it's just really basic strategy. I don't know anything about him that I didn't have to go fucking find out about him on his public YouTube. Insert clown emoji here.
Anyways, overall I feel okay about my chances on this tribe... So far. I honestly don't see myself playing a winning game right now - BUT it's final thirteen and there is a lot of time to turn that around for myself. I feel good in comparison to my previous Tumblr Survivor seasons because there hasn't been a vote where I've completely made myself stand out like a sore thumb. My head is in a good place to finish out this game strong, just gotta put the pedal to the metal and work shit out. Maybe win a couple challenges!
Whatever twists are ahead... I'm not prepared. But I am going to walk away from this season for the better, one way or another. Eight people down, twelve left to go.
Well, I came close to winning but unfortunately didn't. Kailyn won immunity and we had a twist where we all had to choose between two buttons. Aaaaand Kailyn now has immunity this tribal and next tribal. Lovely.
After the challenge, Andrew immediately threw out Jake's name, which was worrying but I think Jeff and I have managed to sway things towards Ben. Which is a little scary, since it's highly possible he has an idol or advantage (though he did play an idol on himself at the Rachael boot. So maybe not?)
Now, the question is going to become: how do Livingston and myself navigate these next few tribals with Jake? We need to keep him safe and the target off his back. There's also Joey and Jaiden who I definitely want to keep working with moving forward. I think I'm in a decent spot. I really don't see Jaiden or Jake keeping their mouth shut if my name comes up. I think I've managed to build enough of a bond with them that they won't target me.
My concern is definitely Ben being a little sneak, as well as Kailyn and Xavier, who really don't talk at all. John... can also be kinda sneaky and he also has been super quiet.
However, when all is said and done, I just want a single digit placement. I don't care what happens before/after that, just please let me get there.
My first merge in 3 seasons of Tumblr Survivor, finally!
It would be awesome if the tyrannical force of pink wasn’t here.
Right now I’m practically a sitting duck. I’ve made connections with Jaiden and Joey who I just met, I’m hoping they’d watch my back.
Ben and I are great friends from outside the game, we’re called the Jew-O Duo, for obvious reasons.
I’m in a duo with Jeff called Jeff Squared, a duo with Pat called The Best Men, a trio with Liv and Keegan (that’s super dangerous cause I know they’re friends), and me John and Xavier are the Luxor Losers.
I should feel protected - but I don’t. I need to keep working socially and hope that I can scoot by a couple more rounds.
I wanna buddy up with Steph and Kailyn, I have no interest in working with Andrew after he flat out told me he wasn’t turning on Pink.
It could be me tonight. We’ll just have to see.
....five seconds later
No. No no no no no no no. I'm sick of Andrew trying to get me out, and then going after my allies instead.
I can't just sit here and let him walk all over me the entire game. He has been wishy washy and fake with me since I met him.
I'm not gonna play a game of what ifs, I'm taking a gamble and gonna get his own tribe to flip on him.
I've got enough information from Jeff, Pat, and Liv to spin into a lie.
I know Andrew said my name - but Jeff and Keegan changed it to Ben, so if I tell Keegan that Andrew blamed him on my name coming up I think I can flip him.
I can try to get John, Ben, and Xavier, Keegan can get Liv and Joey, that's 7.
If it blows up in my face - Oh well. This is season 99! We're high rolling now.
Had a nice long conversation with Jake this morning. Andrew has been throwing my name under the bus for some reason?
Well Andrew, better watch out because I’m driving that bus and swerving it at you.
OG Palazzo is... not my favourite. Honestly I’m okay if it dies tonight. Jake, Livingston, Ben, Joey, Jaiden and myself can definitely switch things up. I imagine we can get John and Xavier on board as well, maybe even Kailyn.
I was perfectly okay riding the pink wave for a few rounds, but Andrew you just had to go and mess that up. Why? For what reason?
Hoping it’s you tonight.
xoxo Gossip Girl
I feel good about tribal, rip Andrew I guess, but I'm nervous as hell for some reason that it could be me. It would be perfect because I don't even see it coming... :/
I don't know what happened, but there seems to be a "merging" of tribal lines. Which is good for me. The vote is going Andrew with 9. And the 4 are voting Ben. Or everyone is playing everyone. I am just happy I am not one of the options BUT I was told that Steph and I are being mentioned by people as a tight 2. Well, they're right, but I didn't want that to come out.
Andrew is being his paranoid self. And rightfully so. Unless I’m getting completely bamboozled, the vote should between 7 and 9 votes for Andrew, and between 6 and 4 votes for Ben.
Fingers crossed this goes off without a hitch
Okay so premerge wasn’t too hard tbh. Just making friendships with my og palazzo. I just hope that every week people see someone else as less important to their game. I have a long mental game for this and I am prepared to take this game week by week and adjust to everything that comes. I just pray that I make it through this week and even if I lose Andrew I don’t mind tbh because then I have an idol to myself. I’m obsessed with Livingston tbh he’s so funny and I like a good amount of the people I didn’t get a chance to meet premerge so I think there’s good room to move about
After last tribal I honestly want Ben gone. He’s kind of rude and frustrating. OG Pallazzo has the numbers so in theory we should be set but who knows? 🤷🏼♀️
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haha it’s US politics hours
listen, this tumblr has always been a fandom place since its inception and I’ve not really designated it as a space for political discussion because 1) I have several other avenues for that arena of discussion and 2) escapism was the theme here; but I’ve finally watched The Comey Rule and I have some THOUGHTS
and I’m not really sure how active anyone is here anymore anyway, because I’ve not really been around as regularly as I was before the nsfw-ban shitstorm, so. Diving right in.
Probably my favorite thing was how it painted the American right wing as this faux-centrist bastion of impartiality at first, the whole circus with HiLLaRy’S EmAiLs being about how they legitimately believed they could play the angle that the emails were a threat to national security all while they knew damn well it was a huge big nothingburger (with a side of hatred of women) while doing that thing that right wingers have done since the Reagan administration where they malign anything left of fascism as communism (including basic human rights) and then, predictably, you have all these very furrowed-browed old white men sitting around a conference table being VERY CONCERNED that precisely the thing they wanted to happen came true and they are completely unprepared to do damage control on the mess they engineered because WHITE MEN ARE INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING THE CONCEPT OF CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN ACTIONS. 🤣😂🤣😂
In all seriousness. I wasn’t crazy about Hillary either. I don’t like dynasties of any kind, royal or political. I don’t like establishment dems who are really just center-right in the real world while masquerading as left in backwards-ass bizarro-world USA. But I’m an old motherfucker now, I’m well into my 30s, I’m boring and watch CSPAN for leisure and shit. I read the reports coming out of the DOJ. One of my degrees is in political science, though admittedly, that’s the least thing that matters, in the scope of everything else these days. But it’s safe to say Hillary was unfairly maligned while republicans committing atrocities exponentially worse have been treated with kid gloves for decades. A very distinct double standard has been applied here for....longer than I’ve been alive, that even the most educated people on the left have refused to acknowledge for far too long. I watched that entire BeNgHaZi hearing (which is easily accessible on youtube, so there’s literally no excuse not to know the facts on this), and everyone knew -- everyone knew it was a bullshit smear campaign.
So, this post isn’t so much a review of the miniseries more than it’s an indictment of the corruption of American politics. The most damning aspect being that, on principle, US politics has always had a problem with embracing progressive policy, and basic civil rights in general. That’s not news; people have known this for some time. But the thing that this miniseries really illustrated in a very cartoonish, yet succinct, way is that there are experienced professionals who hold the highest, most powerful seats of authority in this country who won’t bat an eye at dedicating their entire careers to denigrating common decency, basic human rights, and even constitutional law, while being absolutely incapable of conceiving the long-term consequences of these actions, who will then turn around and concern troll over the ashes of the empire they enthusiastically helped to burn down. It’s nauseating. It’s infuriating. It shows a pathological disregard for personal responsibility.
Everyone was so preoccupied with their massive turgid erection for hating the Clintons (and women) that no one saw they were enthusiastically living in a henhouse built by fucking foxes. No one saw the genuine threat.
And, by extension, no one had the balls to acknowledge that age-old instinct of white men willing to engage in a scorched earth campaign simply to satisfy their worst impulses and entitlement complexes.
Can you fit “Who cares if we’re screwing over several generations with corrupt court-packing and a flagrant disregard for checks-and-balances predicated entirely on the honor system; we just don’t feel like doing domestic labor or respecting women and minorities so we’ll continue expediting reprehensible policies that exploit the most vulnerable people in this country because we can’t compete in an authentic meritocracy" onto a campaign slogan banner?
I sounded the alarms on this trend 20 years ago, meanwhile. My parents and I had just gotten US citizenship, luckily months before 9/11 and the patriot act; and as an outsider looking in, as someone who had risked their life escaping a dangerous regime at an incredibly young age, I saw the warning signs in the republican party even back then. Naturally, I was denigrated as an alarmist and a butthurt liberal.
You know, I’ll acknowledge that as a white person, I’m not the average American’s image of what an “immigrant” looks like. My experiences here over the past couple of decades have thrown into sharp relief how “immigrant” is just a dogwhistle for racist bullshit, because people who concern troll about us don’t seem to have many problems with us white ones. But I came out of a communist country. I’m straight outta the eastern bloc. And I don’t think there are any words in any spoken language that can do justice to how insulting it is when americans try to americasplain communism to me. Bitch. Y’all don’t fucking know. You just don’t.
The point is, even back then, I could see the slippery slope republicans were tumbling down, and I can't say I derive any pleasure from being vindicated in such an extreme fashion. Like. I told y’all motherfuckers. TWO DECADES AGO.
People who aren’t familiar with US politics, and even long-term US citizens who for some reason feel like it’s a waste to pay attention to your own shit, seem to spend a lot of time trying to unpack what precisely went wrong. My observations came up with 1) the manipulative aspect of US history in public schools glossing over, and even omitting, the most gruesome aspects of the revolutionary war, the holocaust, and the cold war (and oftentimes, the cold war is NEVER EVEN COVERED, which is especially insulting to me, for obvious reasons); 2) the manipulative aspect of US history in public schools teaching kids that the Declaration of independence and the Constitution are unassailable doctrines of freedom and liberty, and, as such, after independence was won, no further activism to maintain democracy was needed so we can all just smoke a bowl and be complacent because all those authoritarian third world regimes we constantly ridicule and criticize can NeVeR HaPPeN hErE 😒; and 3) how limpdick both-sidesism replaced civil, comprehensive political discussion because the right spent so long abusing, denigrating, and bullying the left that it was just easier to play it safe and take the milquetoast ~centrist~ stance, which always, always, always capitulates to the lowest common denominator, which is always the oppressor.
And generally just this age-old trend of holding the victims of systematic oppression to a higher moral and behavioral standard than the perpetrators of systematic oppression.
Guys, I’m tired. I’m so tired.
I’ve gotten a few questions over the years about why my writing is so angsty, why it always seems to follow the same themes; war crimes, PTSD, gore, torture.
I already escaped one authoritarian regime. The USA promised us one thing, and then once we got here, it started emulating the very tyrants we worked so hard to get away from. A lot of people have no idea what that feels like. How much of a betrayal that is. Especially considering all the financial and legal landmines one has to navigate just to do it, and then we’re punished for that, too.
I write about PTSD because I fucking have it. I write about war crimes because I’ve experienced them firsthand - just as a victim and not the perpetrator. I so often write about soldiers committing them because I want to roleplay what it’s like to not be a victim for once.
tbh writing a fucking Hamilton fanfiction is one of the most cathartic things I’ve ever done, but the extensive research I’ve had to do to be able to write this thing has been low-key traumatic. There’s a lot of historical material I’ve consumed that should have been covered at the most basic level of compulsory education, but conspicuously isn’t. And I know that’s a feature, not a bug. It’s by design.
Democracy - and independence, freedom, liberty, justice, civil rights in general - isn’t just some final xbox achievement that you unlock and then just shelve the game and forget about it for the rest of your life. You have to keep grinding to maintain it, because there will always be selfish, malicious people out there who will dedicate their entire lives playing a long con to ensure you don’t get the same opportunities as them. For the love of god, stop playing the both-sidesism game. From someone coming out of the eastern bloc, I can tell you with great confidence that that was part of the propaganda campaign you were fed to keep you from engaging so they could install a dictatorship under your nose. Do some self-guided historical research, guys. It can be very illuminating.
Anyway. I’ve gone on long enough here, but damn, don’t screw this up again, guys. Today is the first day of early voting in Texas, and I’m going to do my duty. When I first came to this country, after experiencing the rigorous vetting process and labyrinthine legal requirements of US citizenship, I was led to believe that in exchange for that privilege, I was personally responsible for my own civic self-education. It’s so much more important than you've been led to believe.
#uspol#long post#also uhhhh brendan gleeson really needs to win an award#i hope he's ok mentally after playing that role yikes yikes yikes#also 'why do your characters so often have alcohol abuse problems' uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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stream of consciousness about this year, the new year and the future
For the past couple of years I have posted vague New Years Revolutions and of course, not met them.
2019 was a pretty shit year for me. Mostly because of work. It funny to me when people post about their hobbies, goals, etc, when being a single functioning adult takes up so much of my time, I wonder when they have time to do these things? What is it at the expense of? Everyone joking about how tired they are online I genuinely think everyone online doing shit is doing it at the expense of sleep. I don’t want to be tired all the time.
Anyway so my New Years Revolution is to just stay the course and maybe see what else happens. I got back into working out this month and it is so important for keeping my mood up. I stopped for a while because I was putting in so many hours at work and coming home late and I was so worked up about work I wanted time for me to not think about work before going to bed, which meant staying up later and not making a morning workout. Earlier in the year I also wasn’t working out only because of the second thing, I wanted more time to forget about work since it was stressing me out. I can’t let work dictate my moods so much. Its hard when work is like 70% of your life but. I gotta. That’s my resolution I think actually. More than anything. Don’t let work dictate my whole life.
Work this year was basically three different projects one after the other. The first two were categorized as “dread-inspiring” as in I hated the design I was doing an not confident in it, and had my usual anxiety about bringing up issues and voicing concerns, and the first of the two also had big visibility on the schedule. I was an anxious mess working the first one. Then the second one I was anxious but it didn’t have a schedule issue, so I spent alot of time dragging my feet and not focusing like I needed to. Like my attention span needs the deadline to keep me working productively but also I hate because it stresses me out? r.i.p.
The final project was 100% “anger-inspiring” because I was back in a design space I was familiar with but I was pulled to another program to help because they botched their schedule, and coming on the design was a mess and management was useless. Every day I was annoyed by how they would ask for things that were completely unreasonable or do things that were not in the best interest of getting the work done. Also the amount of work they gave me coming on I told them it was alot for one person and asked for help, but because of the shuffle of people and budget and other bullshit I didn’t get that help for a month. That’s where all the hours came in. New Year’s Resolution to not do that shit again. I don’t want to sit in the office til past 9pm ever again so help me Lord.
At the time and even now I think the anger was a better feeling then the dread and anxiety mentally. Sometimes feeling righteous anger can feel good. Except I very quickly got exhausted from it. Being angry all the time was so damn draining!!
I’m back on my home program again in 2020. I really hope the things I work don’t stress me out. I’ve been thinking about applying to another group in my company when positions are posted next year. It’s been almost three years since I’ve been here and it was almost three years at my old job when I left. And coming onto this new company I got a fat pay bump. I’m kind of antsy for a change and a fat pay bump again. I don’t know if the positions I was thinking about would come with that bump though. I would really like it because living alone now, its expensive.
Living alone though its good for me mentally I think. Compared to the roommate I was living with at least. I wasn’t as close with her as I was with my first roommates that I had to move out from to shorten my commute. I wouldn’t have chosen to live alone yet if I didn’t have to because money but it was a relief to move out tbh because I was holding in complaints (the FRIDGE), knowing that in a short time they wouldn’t matter.
The other thing that exhausted me the end of this year was dealing with the FUCKING BED BUGS that were there after like three weeks of moving in. 0/10 would NOT recommend. Having to wash all the clothes I own when I struggle to normally do laundry every two weeks was brutal. Going into 2020 without them (as far as I can tell) makes it that much brighter.
I started a thing that I want to keep going, based partly off of an artist’s tweet comic that I can’t find again, where I come home from work and do (1) thing. One thing to keep a respectable and tidy home. I used to always make lists at work of all the things I should do and then the next day not be able to cross any of them off. Now I think about all the things I could do sure, but I only make it so I HAVE to do one. It could be something as simple as “take out the trash.” That’s it. So simple I can’t screw it up. Just take out the trash. Other popular ones include, “load dishwasher”, “unload dishwasher”, “vacuum in some capacity”, “pick out dirty clothes that need washing” (since I always have more than one load worth of dirty clothes), “wash clothes”, “put away the clean clothes” etc etc I try to break down the tasks as small as I can. Then just do one. This has been working pretty well and sometimes I end up managing more than one if I’m in the proper groove. Resolution to continue this in 2020.
And that’s it!! No more resolutions to watch more shows, or pick up some hobby, or lose some more weight, or date, or whatever. If those things happen then they can happen. The only thing that is required is keeping myself mentally sound, which means: trying my best to cultivate a work environment that isn’t stressing me out too much, exercising, and keeping my living environment clean. That’s it. The bare minimum.
This is not an easy wagon for me to stay on. Once I feel like I’ve been on it fairly steadily, only then will I think about adding other goals. It’s a fresh decade and I have years to go. I don’t want to get stressed out about “wasting” them. 2020 and beyond is about making sure I’m surviving and doing what I want. I didn’t meet my goals for this Christmas Break of media to consume but you know what? I’m done stressing about that too. Some times I get upset because I feel like I’m not using my free time “productively” enough. I don’t like rewatching shows because I could be using that time to watch something “new”. I feel like I’ve wasted my time watching let play’s or youtubers instead of playing a video game or a show with a tangible episode count. But no more. If I end up wasting my time on tumblr and twitter, than so be it. The fact is I will NEVER have enough time. So I might as well spend it doing something I’m enjoying.
Here’s to hoping 2020 is a better year than 2019. I might look back on this at the end of the year as booboo the fool like I am at the end of this year, but I really feel like 2020 should be better! I’m cautiously optimistic.
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Drarry, Auror au and a multitude of miscommunication issues.
so this is @treacletvrts ‘s fault, as is many of the myriad of au’s we had in multiple fandoms and istg she’s to blame because tbh with y’all this has no cohesive thought at all so yup, I have no words other than these.
PS: I have no idea how tumblr works because I am a noob that has no idea how this godforsaken site works despite the years I spent lurking here so expect crappy posts like these.
This was also a race against my overheating laptop jesus christ tHIS WAS A STRUGGLE
Yup, let’s set the scene, but the rest is in read under because this would probably get long.
Harry and Draco are trainee aurors, or aurors already timelines be damned
pining, a lot of it.
YOU KNOW IT
everyone and their ancestor portraits knew, okay.
Draco and subtlety didn’t exactly come in one package
but oh my god, circe’s tits, and whomever else they use in place of jesus christ, Harry doesn’t know.
Obviously, Harry wasn’t a Ravenclaw for nothing.
Draco thought Harry knew, but plot twist, your favourite boy who lived doesn’t.
Shocker.
Draco assumes that Harry knew and actually thought that since Harry hasn’t distanced himself or changed the way he treated Draco at this point, Draco legitimately thought he had a chance at Saint Potty himself.
This is a usual topic between his, Blaise’s, Pansy’s and Theo’s get togethers.
‘you’d think five years post hogwarts we’d never hear Draco say Potter again, but I guess not.’ probably Theo tbh
Pansy is close to pulling at her own hair in frustration
‘I shouldn’t have left Milan for this weekend.’ Blaise, shaking his head
Potter and Malfoy in the same mission? and they’re both alive? and the perp is caught in record time? Impeccable paperwork?
Call the Prophet
jk
anyways, their first mission and a handful succeeding that were a success.
They are both star Aurors, and work as an amazing team
One mission they were both assigned to had a bit of a scuffle, they had to hide in a tiny closet, their faces really close
Oh Merlin, is this Draco’s chance?
Nope, since Harry had tried to distance himself as far away from Draco as far as he physically could in that situation
Draco knows how to read a room, and that definitely was an indication of ‘sTAY AWAY FROM ME’ from Harry
Harry, on the other hand, is having issues with himself
He’s scared of coming into terms that he ‘might actually possibly have a bit of attraction towards guys’ and he is panicking
Well, if I had spent my years in puberty being chased by a madman, tbvfh with you, that’d be the last thing on my mind too
so fast forward to them celebrating a major case being solved
DRANKS.
Harry has a preference for muggle alcohol because have you had a shit of Cuervo, that stuff makes MY alter ego come out.
Draco doesn’t drink often, he prefers to savour his wine, thank you very much.
he’s just a lightweight hahaha
so Harry is pissed.
like majorly pissed to the point where he’s seated on someone’s lap already, yelling at the top of his lungs about something to someone
A lot of jeering and what not happens, Harry’s insecurities get the better of him and he tries to hook up with a girl that night
much to Draco’s chagrin.
He is watching this happen sober, poor thing.
but Harry isn’t getting any action tonight, turning the girl down instead, murmuring something about it not feeling right
Draco takes the initiative to tell Harry that he’s had too much, and he’ll side along him to Grimmauld if he wanted to
Harry agrees, and it takes a lot of rearranging for Draco to make sure that Harry doesn’t get splinched in the whole shebang back home
They get to Grimmauld place, and its actually clean
Draco shaking Harry awake so he could take him to his room to rest
they make their way up the stairs, and Harry is giggling because he keeps slipping and would’ve probably died an untimely death due to refusing to take his socks off a flight of laquered hard wood stairs
and once they reach the door of Harry’s room, Harry tries to make a move on Draco
He’s cupping Draco’s pale cheek in one hand, staring at his lips despite the haze of the alcohol
but Draco pulls away.
((YES DRACO KNOW YOUR WORTH))
Draco is hurt, because Harry would only dare touch him while he’s pissed off his arse like this
“Oh Merlin, Harry, don’t do this to me.” he hisses, as he drags Harry into the room.
“Wha?” and then Harry is dropped onto his bed with Draco removing his robes so he could sleep better
“Stay with me.” Harry slurred out, but Draco could only shake his head.
“For fuck’s sake, what was I thinking when I thought you were actually different? You’re just as cruel as everyone else is.”
fuck me that legitimately hurt me when I typed that one out
harry turns over, staring at Draco as best he could without his glasses
Draco’s just murmuring to himself, wiping at his face hurriedly because oh no, here come the waterworks.
“I’m giving up on you, and that is final.”
Draco says it more to himself than to Harry, but Harry hears it, and he’s not sure if its real or nah
He takes the liberty of flooing back to his estate, just to see Blaise and Pansy already lounging in his couch.
bold of you to assume the Malfoys didn’t invest in real estate, jk tho.
its been years since anyone has been back at the Manor, with Narcissa being in France and Draco in this smaller estate
Pansy takes one good look at Draco’s face and pats the space between her and Blaise and takes a pillow on her lap
Theo takes in the entire scene and just goes back into the kitchen, wine seems to be a better choice than tea at the moment
Draco plops down on the couch, burying his face into the throw pillow on Pansy’s lap
“There, there, pet.” She offers, though her perpetually ruby lips are already in a frown.
Blaise just takes Draco’s legs to lay them over his thighs, hands lingering on Draco’s knee
“Is this a bad time to say I told you so?”
Theo just sits wordlessly on the floor, leaning his head on Draco’s belly
I WANT THEM TO CUDDLE OKAY FIGHT ME
“Draco, Darling, what’s wrong? What’d Potty do?”
“I thought he was different, Pans. I thought I had a chance. I thought he may love me someday.”
shet, ma. I’m sorry.
Harry still doesn’t know if Draco was real or not, but the following weekend, he finds out that Ron has been assigned as his partner.
Draco requested for a partner change, and has been actively avoiding Harry in the office.
of course, like with any romcom gone wrong, it is only now that Saint Potter realises that ‘hmm, something is up.’
He also realises how much of a better team he and Draco made, compared to him and Ron, because nobody got the paperwork done between them
Harry realises that he misses Draco as a partner
but Draco somehow had the luck of being assigned solo cases that needed to be stationed really far away
the months following the partner reassignment, he manages to see Draco merely three times, and in those three times, Draco had only nodded at him.
This is where Harry realises: i have fucked up
Of course Harry attempts to talk or confront Draco about the thing happening between them
“Potter, I need space, and if you are supposedly as concerned as you are showing, you will keep your nose out of my business.”
whoop, obviously Draco is mad, but Harry doesn’t know why and he’s confused because he really misses the older male, but there are issues
FAST FORWARD TO HARRY ACTUALLY ASKING FOR HELP
ron is just as helpless as he is, hermione is just mum because wow harry this is a major screw up
luna is the one who actually gets to the point, telling Harry, ‘yup you’re in love with him and you’ve done fucked up’
but she’s optimistic, saying, you two just need to talk
‘Draco’s a little hard to understand, but if you don’t talk to him, you’ll never get to do so.’
ANOTHER TIME JUMP YUP WE ARE JUST SAVING THIS PLOT AT THIS POINT
Draco ends with a case involving a new drug that was supposedly being manufactured at this abandoned ship at some port
((i think its obvious I am not from the British Isles at this point okay plus this was done in an hour, liberties were taken and I am not sorry))
He gets ambushed and ends up getting chained to something he can’t get out of himself because he’s drugged and wandless, so no wandless magic
Harry gets suspicious that Draco’s partner gets back unscathed, but Draco is nowhere to be found
He grills the other auror for info and apparates to the ship, where whoop, it is on fire.
oh no.
cue on Harry’s gryffindor lack of self-preservation, where hE STILL GOES INTO THE SHIP TO FIND DRACO
he does find Draco, but idk the ship breaks, structural integrity is getting weak so he doesnt reach Draco in time
BUT HE DIVES IN NONETHELESS
and sees Draco struggling to breathe and get out of his bounds
He spells off the cuffs, and drags Draco to the surface, and proceeds to send a patronus to Hermione
Hermione’s a healer in this au, okay
Draco is turning blue, and to say that Harry was panicking was an understatement
He’s not breathing either, even with Harry’s attempts at CPR
Hermione arrives and does the wizarding equivalent of using a defibrillator
????
yup I guess we’ll go with that for now and she also does a bunch of other stuff
Draco’s finally coughing all the water out his lungs, he’s breathing, albeit a little shallow and shaky at best
Hermione calls for back up because she can’t apparate them both, and Harry’s trembling--from the cold, or the adrenaline subsiding in his blood, but he wasn’t letting go of Draco’s hand
even when he was getting wheeled into the ER at St. Mungo’s, Hermione had to physically pry his hands off
‘he’s safe now, Harry. Let me have a look at you, now.’
Harry wants to say that he’s fine but he did jump into the sea in the middle of fucking winter, and the look Hermione is giving him is absolutely terrifying so he relents, murmuring that they should be tending to Draco instead
‘They are, and I need to tend to you now because I know you’ll scare off any other healer I ask to check up on you.’
Harry’s changed into warmer clothes, and he’s got a cup of tea in his hands to warm them
they’re still shaking, he doesn’t understand why the fuck he can’t calm down and puts it down
He just starts crying.
The build-up of months of stress and the day’s events was too much for him to handle
‘Fuck, ‘Mione, I saw him turn blue. He wasn’t breathing, I couldn’t get him to breathe.’
‘He’s alive Harry, Draco’ll be okay.’
‘You don’t understand, I felt him die, ‘Mione.’
Of course, out of all people, Harry would understand how it feels to tap dance with death
Hermione just comforts him, willing away the tears in her eyes because it feels like this is the one time she can’t help Harry at all.
Ron just skids into the hall, and sees Hermione and Harry, and hugs them both without a word
back to draco, who has been under observation for a good two days and has finally woken up
he sees Harry tucked into himself in the frankly ugly leather sofa by the window, head lolling forwards and back enough
Draco pulls himself up and groans, remembering how he got is ass handed to him in that ship and staring at the yellowing bruises on his arms
Harry suddenly lets out a snore, which makes Draco snort but oh no what is in his nose
‘Circe’s tits, that fucking hurt.’ and he’s coughing up a storm enough to wake Harry up, who stares at him for a few seconds before he’s on his feet and pouring him a glass of water
‘What else do you need? the loo? food?’
‘A healer.’
‘oh. yes. yes, need to tell them you’re awake.’
‘Potter.--Potter!’ Draco manages to call after him before he got too far off
‘what happened.’
Harry explains what happened, the ship, traces of a drug in his system, almost drowning and what not
‘I’ll get someone, yup.’
Draco just shakes his head because he knew Harry was keeping something from him, but lets it go
he gets an extensive check up procedure, which is peculiar because this has been the first time they have been this attentive to his vitals
he needed to stay for a few more days for monitoring, which is weird to Draco because I just fell into the ocean what is the big deal
A nurse comments offhandedly that he’s lucky that he survived drowning and near hypothermia
‘excuse me what’
‘From what I’ve heard, and judging from your vitals, you were minutes away from death’
‘enlighten me.’
‘Healer granger had to revive you using a spell she developed based off of Muggle Tech, she had to shock your heart.’
‘I was dead?’
‘you should’ve seen auror potter, he wouldn’t leave until your vitals stabilised. Healer Granger couldn’t even heal him properly so she had to administer a sleeping draught so he could finally rest.’
‘oh.’
hermione walks in, ‘oh, indeed.’
"I sent him home, if you were wondering.” Hermione says.
Hermione seemed to be able to read his expression, as she had just provided him with what he needed.
"He'd been sleeping here three days and that isn't doing anything for his injuries. Refused to get checked, so I just healed him so he'd actually go to sleep in a proper bed."
"So how are you feeling?" Hermione asked, already waving her wand as a quill hovered behind her, the quiet scratching against parchment, the only sound in Draco's room aside from his steadily better breathing.
"Oh that's good. We managed to drain all the water from your lungs, no tingling in any of your limbs?"
Draco shook his head.
"No symptoms of hypothermia either." Hermione murmured a lumos under her breath, asking him to follow it and observing his eye movement.
Draco is just overwhelmed at this point, because this is the second day he had to endure these tests and Granger was terribly much detailed than the other healers
"You're almost well enough to be discharged, but I'll check you again tomorrow." She replied curtly, tucking her wand into her sleeve and the clipboard into her arm.
"Granger." Draco called, just as Hermione was about to leave the room. "Thank you, for saving my life. You have my thanks."
Hermione nodded, almost smiling at him.
"Quite frankly, Malfoy, if Harry hadn't found your body, there wouldnt have been anyone to save, but you're still welcome."
draco is just dumbfounded in his bed, again.
The following day he gets the go signal to be discharged as soon as hermione finished her check up spells, and blaise and pansy were to pick him up
But harry manages to catch him just as he got dressed, immediately flushing as Draco's silent gaze fell onto him.
"H-hullo Malfoy, how are you doing?"
OF ALL THE THINGS HARRY HAD TO SAY. HULLO.
‘Better.’
brace yourselves dace and i just ran thru this, dialogue is subpar at best, but wow they are finally communicating.
amazing.
"Uhm, that's it. I'll uh--i'll find hermione."
Draco rolled his eyes, calling out to him. "Potter."
"Uhm, ye...yes Malfoy?"
"Thank you. For finding me. If it weren't for you," draco breathed out, thankfully smoothly this time. "And granger, i'd be as good as fully dead."
Harry instantaneously lit up and frowned at the same time."Of course, Malfoy."
Harry nodded. "Anything for you." He murmured under his breath, before turning away.
As soon as Draco was left to his own devices--tightening the laces on his boots, basically anything to just pass the time as Blaise and Pansy were just perpetually late--he heard Harry's god awful sneakers skid in the hallway and enter his room again.
"What is it, Potter, already come back for me to repay my debts?" He asked boredly, leaning back onto the hospital bed.
oh lord. Harry looked terrible.
Harry looked like he was about to throw up--green eyes erratic, lower lip between his teeth as he gnawed on to, hands shaky as he stuffed back into his pocket jacket, and out again.
"Please don't give up on me." He whispered, catching Draco by surprise.
"What?"
"The night you helped me get back home. I thought I was just too pissed on Tequila that I didn't even think you were real--"
draco's clamming up on himself, his arms are crossed, face guarded as Harry stood before him as his complete opposite, his vivid green eyes almost desperate as his lip wobbled.
"But I've died twice, Draco. I can tell apart what’s real and the pigment of my pissed brain."
"I'm sorry if you think I was cruel--if I hurt you without realising it, I'm sorry, please, please just don't give up on me just yet."
Draco is for a lack of a better word--Gobsmacked.
the boy who lived--no, that applies to them both now--is in his hospital room, in the verge of tears and looked like he was a sentence away from passing out.
"I'm sorry Draco," Harry trailed off, his voice breaking as he said Draco's name and using his hoodie sleeves to wipe at his cheeks as the tears rolled down.
"I was scared, and I didn't know it was okay to like blokes, I didn't know it was okay to like you, but I've ruined it, haven't I?"
Draco's heart is in pieces at this point tbh
The first time he hears his name from Harry's lips, Harry's crying.
Draco sees Blaise at the corner at the corner, but luckily the other male was able to read the room and quickly dragged Pansy away, her retort lowering in volume as they went farther down the hall
"I'm sorry--fuck, i'm sorry for wasting your time." Harry said, sniffing as he wiped his face on his sleeve, running a hand thru the wild tangle of curls on his head.
"Just ignore whatever I said. Get well, Malfoy."
i am: weak for curly haired Harry okay, humour me.
Circe, Draco thought, this is just getting painful to watch.
Because it seemed like he was being the wanker, making Harry cry even when the oblivious jackass was the one that started this whole fiasco
And Draco couldnt find it in himself to cut into Harry's blubbering at all.
"Circe's tits, stop with the blubbering, Potter."
Oops. Not the best choice of words.
"What?"
Draco just stood up, and met Harry halfway and cupped his cheeks to press their lips together, mostly just to shut him up.
oh, wow.
Draco could get used to this, and Harry let out a choked sound that was akin to a gasp and a whimper before he kissed back.
[[long, winded make out scene i am sorry i am terrible at those, I’ll leave it to your imaginations]]
Draco just says, "bring me home, harry."
And just shoos blaise and pansy off.
Which gets him the finger from pansy and a judgmental eyebrow from blaise
‘I make arrangements for a portkey at the last minute and this is what we get?’
‘at least it will make the cease of Draco’s whining.’
Pansy and blaise respectively
Both Harry and Draco spend their days in Draco’s estate just cuddling, and okay fine making out.
They finally talk and clear things out.
and Harry finally feels a moment of peace after nearly 25 years of being chased by a murderous madman and multiple criminals
no hanky panky yet jesus draco died ffs
The following week, someone just yells from Draco’s floo.
and it’s loud enough to hear in the second floor in Draco’s bedroom.
"I know you died Malfoy, but you have to come to work."
its robards.
he’s two aurors short, and they’re his best aurors.
"Please bring Potter too, just because you two have died doesnt mean you can escape the paperwork. "
Harry groans, while Draco merely laughs though its muffled against Harry's shirt, where his face is currenly buried into.
and they lived.
i guess
THEY COMMUNICATE MORE EFFECTIVELY NOW
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A New Lease on Life - #59
WELL. It's been about a donkey's age since I've been able to update this. Normally I'd apologize for the wait…but…well, honestly, I've been beating myself up enough as it is and it's not like it happened out of the blue. Kinda-brief update for anyone wondering:
I've warned about an impending grief hiatus since my uncle Bob's cancer diagnosis, and the hiatus came to pass in December. Uncle Bob finally lost his fight to cancer after two years of treatment and fading. The end came on rather suddenly but after the deathwatch he went peacefully and without pain. His death really messed me up, especially since I was already suffering from depression. Our first Christmas without Bob was also our last Christmas with Granny Chance, his mother and my grandmother…she suffered a massive stroke in January and died soon afterward. In the space of a month, my family and I lost two members, one right after the other. In a word, the whole situation has been FUCKED and it's still not completely over. There are good days, and bad days…and, to quote a certain Del Toro film, "Then there are the really bad days." Between those, we're all slowly working our way through the fallout and healing process.
This chapter is the first I've been able to finish since SEPTEMBER, largely because all of my stories are currently in plot-required angsty-dramatic phases and I CANNOT WRITE SAD SCENES when I'm depressed. It's entirely IMPOSSIBLE, they always come out farcical or they just don't flow. It SUCKS. TBH, I don't know for certain if I'm going to be able to catch up to my previous writing abilities or pace anytime soon but I'm certainly going to try. Also, quick note if you're reading this on Tumblr – they recently enacted a WORDBLOCK LIMIT on text posts of 100 blocks. Yeah. We're now limited to 100 paragraphs including the title. If the chapter's low dialogue and has no notes, that's fine, but if not? Well, we're just screwed because THIS ONE ran 86 ¶s WITHOUT the notes, glossary, and pre-story stuffs. I'm not sure yet how I'll be handling that limit for good, whether that means posting links to sites without the bullshit limits, posting long chapters in pieces, or linking to the separate posts with the notes and glossary, but I'll figure it out in time. For now, I’ll be including the NOTES at the end and you can find the GLOSSARY at FFnet or AO3. Check out Spotify for a playlist centered on this arc - features suggested listening for this chapter and the next few, and much, much more.
Lastly, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone for their patience and understanding, and give a shout-out to some wonderful people who've made this new chapter possible. This chapter is dedicated to Wolf, Newt, and Ihlni for their invaluable support and kind words – to my hubby Cold for letting me ugly-cry on him without complaint and never failing to remind me that life has to go on – to my ma-in-law for teasing me about earning a nasty hangover instead of acknowledging that I looked like death-on-the-rocks and was obviously crying before I answered the door – to my mother for being a bloody SAINT and to my father for intentionally being an asshole when someone to fight with was just what I needed – to Wanda Farmer on AO3 and vbt22220 on FFnet for their encouragement in reviews, the folks on Tumblr who offered kind words when I needed them most, and to all you wonderful people who've stuck by me, read my stories, and are still reading after all this time. Above all, though, this chapter is dedicated to the memory of Granny Chance and Uncle Bob – may they ever rest in peace.
Suggested Listening: Fuel "Hemorrhage [In My Hands]," Paramore "The Only Exception," Prince "Purple Rain," Survivor "I Never Stopped Loving You"
59: A Matter of Honor
The Lair, November 19th - around noon
Donatello wasn't known for being a fool; regardless, he felt rather foolish anytime the obvious failed to register until it was staring him in the face. This was just such a time. He didn't recall sequestering himself in the lab much less falling asleep at his workbench, but the proof was self-evident: a crick in his neck, a strand of insulated wire still stuck to his drool-sticky cheek, and sweat-smeared glasses half off his face. It took a moment of tired lip-smacking and searching to comprehend the facts—ah, right, he pulled an all-nighter to complete the vital signs monitor for Kimber's visit. From what he could see, the device was, indeed, completed. Too tired to consider the absurd picture he must make, he peeled the wire trimming off his cheek and set it aside.
What woke him? He searched his memory, found nothing, then turned to more closely examine his surroundings. A plate of now-cold PopTarts and a cup of coffee (helpfully covered with a cracked saucer) waited a safe distance from his elbow. Right - it was Saturday. This time last year he easily lost track of the days between all-nighters and the sleeping-binges that always followed them. Now he had a weekly reminder in the form of too-sweet coffee and half-burned pastries, courtesy of the confusing woman whose scent still clung to his skin. How blessed he felt in this moment…
The moment ended with a familiar sound—a sleep-slurred phrase he could recognize anywhere but never quite understood. Ya been away too long he got, and he recognized the terms sook, e'en, and nip though he wasn't fully certain of their context.* Beyond that the half-Celt tucked into the cot may as well have been speaking Greek for all he knew. The oft-repeated tease fell short in a particularly nasal snore. Donnie hoisted himself out of his chair with a chorus of protesting joints and slowly rounded the workbench. Silently, he regarded his sleeping woman, soaking in all the silly little details that caught his eyes—the freckles spattered across her skin, the flash of faded ink peeking up over her drooping neckline, the stubborn silver cowlicks sticking up at odd angles from her loosely bound hair—anything to remind himself she was still alive.
He shook his head in weary defeat. A full week after their desperate flight from Willsdale and every time he woke he still half-expected to find Amber cold to the touch, lifeless and painted in blood. Perhaps, he considered as he gathered her in his arms and made his way to their bedroom, this was one scar which would only be healed with time. Perhaps, he considered as he lay her across the neatly tucked quilt and curled up behind her, he could only conquer his fear of Amber's death by focusing on her life. Even as he tugged her flush against his plastron and groin and nuzzled into her neck, he couldn't erase the memory of her: bruised, bloody, and broken, and rapidly fading in his arms. He shuddered and sucked in a steadying breath of her scent.
She wasn't dead, she was alive now…it was enough…right?
Red Fern Florist, Noon
Normally, Red Fern Florist was a calm place – a quiet and classy establishment that just so happened to be run by people who didn't care about being quiet or classy. This, alas, was not a normal day, not even in the slightest.
Abilene Whitaker manned the register, eyes focused somewhere beyond the neon-streaked pages of her textbook and not registering a word. The backroom echoed with near-constant racket—crashes, curses, objects falling or being thrown… Abby sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose, and dragged herself off of the barstool to investigate. Sure enough, Mercy was stocking the shelves a tad too roughly…if by roughly one meant throwing the bags of supplies around like a spandex-clad steroid junkie at a WWE grudge-match smackdown.
"Alright, that's enough," Abby snapped at her blonde subordinate; Mercy froze, embarrassed grey-blue eyes meeting Abby's over a lean, hunched shoulder. "You've been stomping around and slamming things all afternoon. What on earth could be so horrible you've gotta torture the mulch?" Mercy cringed, fixing guilty eyes on the bag of mulch in her grip. Caught. "Well?" The blonde uttered a sound halfway between a groan and a growl, snorted, then slid the bag onto its shelf with more care than necessary.
"My man's ex is comin' by tonight," she admitted under her breath. "She's stayin' a few days."~
"WHAT?!" Abby squawked in protest. "He's bringing his ex over?! Aw, Hell naw! Girl, you drop that boy before I find him and punch him in the man-fritters!" Man-fritters?** Mercy couldn't help it – she sniggered at the visual – but her laughter faded into regret when she registered the rest of Abby's threat.
"No can do," she sighed, "it's kinda unavoidable." Abby crossed her arms, scrunched her lips into an almost exact replica of Leo's 'pissy leader pout,' and waited for an explanation. Mercy rolled her eyes, spearing her fingers into her hair and yanking. "Kimber…well, she's like me an' Amber," she explained under her breath. "Remember I told ya Amber…uh…went home for a few days? Well, she almost…um…didn't come back. Bitch-nipple's comin' over to see how long any of us can stay home without that happening. She invited herself, we voted, Raph lost, she won." Abby took a moment to let that sink in.
"Your guy tried to vote her off the island?" A grim nod from Mercy. "They broke up before she left, right?"
"…and she left before he an' I met," Mercy added even as she rolled her eyes.~ All the code-talk really got on her nerves but they had to be mindful of the security cameras. Abby leaned against the doorframe, lean shoulders at a sharp slant, and hazel eyes puzzled behind her fuchsia-streaked hair.
"You think she wants him back?" she asked quietly. "He won't…" She sucked in a nervous breath. "What if she tries to win him back?"
"You're kiddin', right?" Mercy scoffed. "He dumped her! He's been angsty as fuck over breakin' her heart, yeah, but I know'im—she could make all the moves she wants, he ain't gonna budge."~ Not to mention Kimber's still dead she added in her own head then shook it. After all, she was dead, too. The whole situation stank like a crappy soap opera. "I trust'im, Abbs," she added under her breath. "Raph chose me, not the Jersey-Devil-wannabe…jealousy's pointless when I already know the end result, an' that end result is he's with me."
Abby watched her a moment, scrutinizing and studying; just as suddenly as she issued the threat against Raph's genitals, she smiled. "You're a strong woman," the neon-haired clerk remarked lightly. "I ever heard one of Cherie's exes asking to stay, I'd bash the twat's teeth in. You need anything, you give me a call, alright?" Mercy nodded, halfway between a cringe and a grateful smile, and went back to the stocking. "So how are things going between you two, anyway?" Abby added taking up her share of the lifting. "You never bring him by, you never tell me much about him…how's he treating you?"
Mercy paused, brow furrowed, and scrambled for an answer that didn't make her sound like an absolute sap. She couldn't find one. "He makes me wanna listen to Faith Hill, watch him sleep, an' punch his ex in the teeth," she grumbled. The heat in her cheeks went nuclear at Abby's excited squeal.
"Oh-em-GEE!" the younger practically shrieked. "You love him!" Mercy shot her a sour glare.
"Woman," she groused, "shut yer ass – the bullshit's leakin' out."
The Lair, shortly after dusk - 00:00:00
Two weeks ago, Kimber Bryant faced down Leonardo and demanded the opportunity to make right the trouble she caused his family. Now she stood in the hallway, practically quaking in her mud-stained canvas sneakers, unsure how to proceed. It didn't exactly help that Leo was still glaring at her from behind and her other escort, Donatello, kept fiddling with the tablet strapped to his left forearm.
"Now remember, you've gotta keep the leads from getting tangled," the genius rambled without ever once looking at her. "A little perspiration shouldn't cause any unwanted interference—I insulated the outer casing well to deter any outside condensation or humidity finding its way into the monitor's internal components but there are limits." Kimber rolled her bottle green eyes over at Leo in hope of rescue from Donnie's babbling but received only a glare. "It's not fully water-tight," the genius continued with a shrug and 'meh' expression, still without even glancing her way, "so we'll need to cover it with a water-resistant dressing when it comes to bathing but other than that it—"
"Today, Donnie," Leo grumbled. The younger startled out of his thoughts, fingertips still poised on the holographic chart projected over his tech-tab. He blinked a few times in rapid succession as though refreshing his memory then turned to Kimber in question. From the looks of it, she seemed ready to chew her ankle off to escape the lecture. She really was so very different from Amber…how could they possibly be the same person underneath it all? Could a person's history and past choices really have that big an impact on their personality and attitude?
"Uh…right," he uttered with a wince. "Anyway, it's natural for your core temperature to fluctuate a certain amount over the day but if it drops too low, I'll get an alert. We may not have much time to get you back…so…" he trailed off in hopes she'd pick up the slack.
"Don't get comfy," she finished sourly. "Yeah, I got it. Git lawst."~ He crinkled his nose at her demand but said nothing; instead, he rolled his eyes in defeat and took off toward the lab.
"Remember our agreement," the eldest warned under his breath as he shouldered past her. "You have one chance, and you're to stay—"
"I got it, I got it," Kimber snapped in response. "Go dig t'at stick out'a ya ass before it gets stuck up t'ere."~ Other than a deep-chested growl of warning, Leonardo said nothing—he just stormed past her to some destination she didn't care to know. Rolling her eyes at his attitude, she made her way toward the light at the end of the hallway. The closer she came the more clearly she heard a familiar voice—a voice that still haunted her fondest dreams and worst nightmares.
Familiar laughter led her into the living area where two people were cuddled up on a lumpy sofa. The larger wore a familiar boyish grin that stole the breath right from her lungs. In her grip, the duffle-bag strap slid loose—sweaty palms, she realized. A fluttering, weightless sensation filled her veins—oh, no… 'Gawd dammit…why've I gotta still love'im?'~ She choked around the damned butterflies doing barrel-rolls in her gullet. Steeling her nerves, she shook off her mushy thoughts and turned the corner. 'It don't change nothin'—dead's dead, an' he never chose me anyway. It's better t'is way.'
Raphael…he looked so much the same and yet so different. His eyes shone with laughter where they once burned with distrust; his posture was relaxed where he always kept up a front before. Tucked into his side and 'narrating' the boxing match with absurd faked voice-overs was a tall, lean woman with short messy blonde hair. Kimber's lip ached to curl in a sneer as the blonde loosed a raucous laugh but she fought it back—Raph wasn't hers. If this…this woman in his arms was enough for him…well, she'd respect that. She only ever wanted to see him happy and by God, she'd do so, no matter how much it hurt.
One moment, everything in Mercy's world was perfect. There was a decent match on TV, Raph had 'bullied her' into not-cuddling with him, and for the moment they had no other obligations. As it always seemed to, though, everything fell apart in a single breath…a breath that carried a perfume of vanilla, sugar, and musk. The smell wasn't entirely unpleasant but it was strong enough to make her sinuses burn and her head hurt. Why must so many people marinate themselves in perfume and cologne?
As Mercy and Raphael turned to greet the newcomer in unison the arm around her waist slackened—bright golden hazel eyes widened—full, scarred lips fell slack in dismay. Those lips formed a single word—a name Mercy spent hours cursing that afternoon—but no sound came forth. Torn, she held her silence, eyes darting from Raphael to the stranger and back again almost desperately. She knew this moment would come, she just didn't realize how much she'd want to scream obscenities when it did.
The stranger broke the stare first, bottle-green eyes flustered behind their impeccable smoky eyeliner. She reached up to her modest neckline, grabbed at the pair of worn metal dog-tags at her chest, took a deep breath, then looked up again with a weak smile. "'ey, Raphie," she murmured in a voice still thick with smog. "Long time no see, huh?" The hulking mutant couldn't even get out a single word; he just nodded, his chin and lips unnaturally stiff. Even as he stared down Kimber Bryant he clenched his fingers even tighter to Mercy's waistband. Mercy glanced down at the sight of his three-fingered hand anchoring her in place by a belt-loop. Just that morning, she woke up with that hand tangled in the hem of her nightgown anchoring it at mid-thigh. She had nothing to fear.
She pried Raph's fingers loose, stretched an imaginary crick from her neck, and rolled off the sofa to her feet. "I'll catch up later," Mercy remarked with an entirely faked smile and made her way to the side door. "Compost prob'ly needs a turnin' 'bout now."~ On the way past, she silently took in what details she could, mentally comparing them. The other woman was her height but beyond thin and into skinny. Her hair was coarse—naturally red from the looks of it but with a texture similar to unraveled jute twine. A sharp glance told Mercy the other had practically no ass; no competition there. She rolled her eyes, punched in the security code to pass through, then let the door drift shut behind her.
Before she could get anywhere a pair of large, powerful hands snatched her by the shoulders, spun her about, and pinned her to the tunnel wall. "Why you leavin'?" Raph demanded sharply. His voice was barely below a shout but as so often before, Mercy saw underneath that posturing—she saw the suspicious shimmering in his eyes, the nervous tic in his jaw, the vulnerable hunching of his shoulders, and the lurching of his throat and plastron from frantic heaving breaths. Fear was the one thing he really had no reason to feel in this case but it was written all over him. She cupped his squared jaw, thumb tracing the scar splitting his lip.
"I ain't leavin', ya meathead," she corrected as he covered her hand with his in a frantic grip. "You were friends, right? Ya never got to say goodbye. I've seen how this's been tearin' you apart an' I'm sick of watchin' it."~ Her lips curled in a tease but it was entirely true—she was beyond sick of having another woman in their relationship, even a dead one. "Ya need closure, I get that—I'm backin' off so you can get it. Got it?" Raphael said nothing—he just stared back, visibly searching her words for subtext. When he finally spoke, what he asked made no sense.
"Why?" he demanded in a near-deadpan. Mercy wrinkled her nose but before she could speak, he continued. "Why're ya testin' me like dis? What've I done ta deserve dat?"~
"Testin' you?" Mercy shook her head and scoffed. "I'm not testin' ya, Red," she promised. "I know you and I trust you—you're not about to cheat on me with anyone, much less a dead chick, right?" He shook his head in agreement and his eyes softened; he belatedly released her hand, choosing instead to cup her cheek.
"I wouldn't do dat to ya," he confirmed gruffly. "I'd never…I promised not ta hurt ya an' I meant it…but…" He faltered, flustered and struggling to find the right words. "Dis ain't right…ya ought'a be pissed at me fer even lettin' 'er come here…heck, if dis happened to any other guy, he'd get slapped fer lettin' it happen!"
"You're not any other guy," Mercy reminded shortly, "an' I'm not any other gal. Jealousy won't help anything, it ain't healthy, and you weren't too keen on her comin' over, to begin with. I've got no reason to be mad at'cha, an' especially no reason to hit ya."~ Her eyes drifted back toward the side door, now closed, and she sighed. "I don't like it," she admitted as her hand drifted down to his thick neck, "but I know you need closure an' I trust you enough to not interfere."
Raphael said nothing—what could he possibly say?—instead, he took a step back, eyes wide. This wasn't the first time she professed her trust in him, nor would it be the last, but this utterance seemed the most improbable of all. Wait…no, there was one other moment even more unexpected—a recent moment, the moment he first witnessed Mercy Ross fall apart at the seams, right there in his arms.#
Tousled blonde hair spilled across his pillow like scattered straw. Unpainted lips, swollen from friction, panted around gasping breaths. Work-roughened fingertips clawed at the equally tough skin of his bare scalp and shoulders as he unleashed all his pent-up frustration on her finally bared skin.
"I trust you," she'd promised only moments before. "When are ya gonna start trustin' yourself?"
"Ya shouldn't trust me," he'd blustered, but despite his denials, he caved to her temptation. He knew from the first breath it would take weeks to clear her pheromones from his lungs; he'd never forget the taste of her or her keening cries of completion. When the madness left her eyes and the fire dulled in his blood, Raphael knew he'd never be able to see his Mercy the same, nor would he ever cease to be humbled by her seemingly unshakable faith in him—trust he couldn't recall doing a damn thing to earn.
That July, Raphael took a chance on happiness in the middle of an open rooftop—a single kiss followed by countless more, all sound-tracked with heavy metal. Ever since then, anytime he fell to the temptation of Mercy's lips, he lost himself completely. He wanted her—he needed her—he craved her—she was the air he breathed, vital to his very survival and responsible for every beat of his heart. Far below the filthy streets, in a dark passage forgotten by the world in general, he stole her lips and breathed her in reverence.
He loved her—loved her beyond the limits of his fears and follies—and that was why she knew he wouldn't let her down.
"So you two, huh?" Raphael ducked his head to avoid Kimber's eyes, hoping she couldn't see the traces of stickiness at his lips or the tenting of his patched trousers. She said nothing, choosing instead to examine the worn red tweed of the sofa arm she perched on.
"What of it?" he retorted slumping onto the seat at the opposite end of the couch.
"Looks like ya found a good one, 'at's all," she shrugged. He studied her silently a moment, searching for signs of deceit. In his heart, he knew this stranger was Kimber—his Kimber, the friend he threw away over his insecurities and fears—but her appearance was largely unfamiliar. Kimber was always on the chunky side of curvaceous but with an undeniable sex appeal. This new body was built like a scarecrow - all long limbs and frizzy hair - but underneath he could see the same sensual confidence Kimber had before she died. That sensuality was all Kimber - Amber lacked it completely, always coming across somewhere between odd and awkward. This woman, though visually unfamiliar, was definitely Kimber. Something in her eyes spoke of mischief…and regret. "Fer Gawd's sake," she swore under her breath and turned an acidic glare on him. He refused to meet it, locking his eyes on one padded and splayed knee. "I know t'a drill—I'm dead, not stoopid."
"Ya were never stupid, Kim, jus' stubborn an' naive," he protested but she waved him off.
"T'en quit lookin' at me like t'at." After a moment of resistance, he finally bit the bullet—he met her eyes. "Yeah, like t'at," the redhead grumbled, "like I'm gonna jump ya if ya take yer eyes off'a me or somethin'. I may be livin' in a homewrecker but t'at don't make me a homewrecker." This time, she was the one to hide her eyes.
A long, tense silence filled the room, broken only by the occasional sound from the Lab or utility room. In this unexpected but overdue moment, despite the drastically different appearance, Raphael saw Kimber as she was when they first met—not the over-confident temptress with the venomous smile and devil-may-care attitude but the lost, lonely, frightened runaway searching for her place in the world. Her new body was thirty-five if it was a year old, but she'd never looked more like a child to him than she did now. The night she turned Lefty and Northpaw over to the police and fell apart, Raph let the wrong head do the thinking and her heart suffered for it. So much heartache came from that one bad call—Kimber's death, too, was a result—how could he ever make it right?
"Rah-fay-el." The quiet – almost reverent – utterance of his name startled him from his brooding. Kimber faced the far wall but her eyes were locked on his askance. "Tell me t'a truth…did ya ever love me?" He blanched; she scoffed and picked at the faded red tweed covering the sofa. "I know we was close," she clarified in a soft tone void of accusation, "friends to be sure, but did ya ever love me like I loved you?"
He didn't answer—he couldn't answer, not around the painful lump in his throat. For so long, he wondered the very same. Loving Kimber, after all, would have made his betrayal a crime of passion rather than a bad move made in paranoid self-defense. Despite all his brooding introspection, though, he always came up with the same answer: he could have loved her, but he didn't…if he'd kept his head, maybe, someday, he could have loved her, but he didn't. "Exactly." Kimber's near-whisper broke his train of thought. "I knew ya didn't love me," she admitted even as her shoulders drew tight and her painted lips stretched in a sort of sneer. "I always knew it, I just t'ought…eh, no matter. I'm not gonna fuck up yer life again."
"I think ya got dat backwards," Raph pointed out dryly. "I fucked up yer life—I'm why yer…" He faltered, his throat clenching around the word as though to prevent him from voicing it. "Ya know," he settled for with a weak half-shrug, "like dis." Kimber watched him silently, eyes sharp enough to cut away his protective façade.
"Say it," she challenged. He flinched; she slid off the armrest and stalked over to face him, arms crossed in defiance. "Say it, Raph," she ordered, "ya know what I am—ya know t'a word, so use it. I'm…" She trailed off, one eyebrow cocked in expectance.
Raphael cringed. Of all the times he wished it was possible to completely withdraw into his shell, this was one of the worst so far. Weary hazel eyes drifted from Kimber's dirty canvas sneakers up her faded jeans and cotton blouse, up to her unimpressed eyes. "Yer…dead," he whispered as if confessing some great sin.
"Exactly," Kimber harrumphed and jabbed him between the eyes with one clear-lacquered fingernail. "Dead folks an' live folks jus' don't mix, ya muck-brained mawron.~ It wouldn't work an' I ain't about to waste my time tryin' ta make it work. Capiche?" He nodded, glaring up at her retreating back.
"Den why'd ya come back?" he asked, letting his hand fall back to his knee. "Dere had to be anutha way to test Don's theory, so why'd ya volunteer?"~ Kimber stilled in her pacing, carefully arranging her words before they could all spill out without concern for her feelings.
"I never got ta say goodbye," she admitted in a near-whisper, "not ta you, not ta Daron or Lefty, not ta anyone who mattered…but I've neva been t'at big on goodbyes anyhow, ya know?" Her voice cracked on the last words and she took a moment to compose herself. When she spoke again, she turned to the side as though watching him over her shoulder but her eyes remained hidden. "I made a lotta mistakes, Red—a lotta stoopid decisions t'at hurt a lotta people—an' much as I wanted to just stay dead, I lived ta regret every one'a t'ose decisions. T'at's why I came back…t'a fix t'a shit I broke an' atone for my sins. If t'at means stayin' here fer t'ree days while you an' Blondie play suck-face, so be it."
"Ya know you're puttin' yer life at risk, right?" Raph reminded, ignoring the suck-face comment. "Donnie ain't sure about da timing on dis thing, ya know. He an' the braided nutcase passed five days in her world but they weren't gone a whole three days, here. Who's to say ya'll have a full three days here? Who's ta say ya won't drop dead in an hour, or three hours, or even a minute from now?" He shuddered at the thought, his mind helpfully supplying several months' worth of nightmares to choose from, most of which ended with Kimber dying in his arms. "Ya froze, Kim, an' dat ain't an easy way to go; are ya really willing to risk goin' through it all over again?"
"It's my choice," she reminded with a stern expression reminiscent of an unimpressed schoolmarm. "No one asked me ta make t'at choice. Besides, see t'is?" She tugged her neckline aside to show him the small plastic device hung from her neck and the line of wire trailing down to her armpit. "T'is lil' t'ing's monitoring my core temp—we've got t'is covered. Trust me?"
Raph considered the plea a moment—for it was, indeed, a plea in every sense of the word—then gave a slow, reluctant nod. "I don't like it," he admitted in a throaty rumble, "but it ain't my job ta like it." There was much more to say, but for the moment, he hadn't words.
"Nope," Kimber agreed with a sly grin. "It's yer job ta help me give Daron a heart attack. What say we give'im a visit from t'a Livin' Dead Girl?" It was just a tease—just another excuse to ignore the elephant in the room—but for the moment, Kimber didn't care. She had more important tasks to focus on—messes to clean up, mistakes to correct, sins to atone for, and honor to regain. For now, the rest could wait.
The Lair - 00:35:00 and counting
Time stops for no man, people often said, and the same could be said for women. Never mind that Amber's cantankerous counterpart was staying in the Lair for the weekend…lurking around every corner…stinking up the place with her perfume…just waiting for a chance to bitch-slap Amber back into her place at the bottom of the food chain…
Amber shuddered at the thought and firmly shoved it into the back of her mind. Kimber Bryant made Amber all kinds of nervous but her presence didn't excuse Amber from her chores. There was too much to do—laundry to put away, studying to do, dinner to prepare— Something soft and furry brushed against her calf, startling her from her thoughts. "Right," she muttered as Kirk bypassed the laundry basket at her feet and hopped up onto Donnie's bed. "Gotta clean the litterboxes an' feed Kirkland too." After a mrrruhl of warning and a superfluous butt-wiggle said feline launched himself right into a pile of folded undergarments and began viciously mauling a sock big enough to double as an oven mitt. As he lay on his side, wrapped around the sock and kicking like a homicidal kangaroo, Amber sighed and shook her head in whimsical defeat. After how much she'd missed him she couldn't really be upset with the little murder-machine; cats, after all, would be cats, and socks could be darned.
"It's inevitable, Kirk," she teased as she hung a pair of patched canvas trousers in the frame-and-fabric 'closet.' "You're just gonna have to get used to sharing me with Donnie. I know I'm Mom but he's mine - you can't resent him forever." With an adorable cotton-muffled urrrr, Kirk glared at her over a mouthful of beige knit as if to say watch me. Ah, the jealousy of spoiled cats.
"Honestly, I'm lucky to have Donnie," she added to herself, doubts and worries filling her thoughts between wire hangers. Back before the dream connection was confirmed—before Donatello confronted her with his old Tonfa and confessed the name of her dead classmate—Amber could fool herself he wasn't the same Donnie she grew up with. She could tell herself that he didn't know all her dirty little secrets. He didn't watch her fall apart over the last few years of her life, partly from illness and her and partly from depression and apathy. He never heard how her poor choices in college may have led to the death of a classmate. He never knew she routinely slaked her carnal needs in impersonal encounters so her time with him in dreams could be focused on more important things than her hormones. If this Donnie wasn't her Donnie, then the mistakes of her past were only a secret to keep.
The problem was…now she knew this was her Donnie…and by the sounds of it, he remembered everything. Amber paused, fondling a strip of worn purple fabric. Even after countless washings, every one of those masks smelled strongly of his oddly comforting blend of coffee, machinery, musky exertion, and spice. "How can he even look at me, Kirk?" Amber murmured into the sweet-smelling fabric. "I screwed up with him so many times…I gave up on him, I – I gave myself up to other guys…how doesn't he hate me by now?"
This last question seemed the most perplexing. Sure, the purpose of those impersonal booty-calls was to shut up her hormones so her scant time with Donnie could be put to better use, but she always regretted them afterward. Regret, though, didn't count if a person intentionally committed the same crime over and over again, and she was guilty—guilty of closing her eyes, mentally replacing the other men with Donnie, and crying herself to sleep after they left. Regret was a weak word, really; what she felt wasn't weak. After all the time she spent hating herself for the infidelity, the idea that Donnie didn't hate her for it made no sense.
The dead silence tore her from her ruminations; odd, considering Kirk had a habit of 'answering' her every time she spoke.## After a quick glance at the bed, it was all she could do to keep from laughing. The little furball was out cold, wrapped around her favorite bra and snoring into one generous cup. The battered sock sprawled on the floor half under the bed—the enemy was vanquished. Chuckling at the absurdity, Amber crouched to retrieve the sock but paused when she noticed something wedged between the mattress and box spring. A warped silver wire binding, traces of green beyond the rings…surely she was mistaken, but it wouldn't hurt to check…right?
Amber tugged the notebook loose and promptly cringed in recognition. It was her journal, the one she hadn't written in for months then misplaced. Why was it jammed under the mattress like a nudie magazine? Curiosity drove her to investigate and she quickly discovered the litany of notes scribbled upside-down in the back. She quickly lost herself in the writing—questions and memories, hopes and fears Donatello couldn't bring himself to share with her, all centered around their years apart. Though she didn't dig too deeply, there wasn't a single word of blame or judgment anywhere—nothing that indicated resentment or disgust. Amber almost missed the sheet of loose-leaf that slipped out and fluttered to the floor—almost. The pencil-scribbled contents might have made her stumble if she hadn't already seated herself before. "I met my lover in a dream," she whispered in recognition.^ "That poem…I thought I lost it...I guess Donnie found it?" Soon enough, she hit the final lines:
Mibbe someday he will see –
Someday the truth I'll tell.
For now, I've only memories,
And dreams I shot tae Hell.
Or, rather, those should have been the final lines—they were the last she wrote. Someone, however, clearly thought the poem wasn't finished and added their own verse…in pen…neatly printed by a familiar hand straddling the border between calculating and persnickety. "No way," Amber muttered thickly as she scanned the added verse, wide-eyed and breathless. "Naw fookin' way!"~ No matter how she protested, the words remained clear, impossible yet obvious. Still marveling at their presence—and at the subtext—she never heard the soft ticking of a distant clock, or the even softer inhale accompanying.
Dreams can sometimes fall apart,
And memories can fade.
The truth you shared can't change my heart…
Your lover-friend I've stayed…
I'll see you in our dreams.
There was no stopping it, no holding back: Amber crushed the paper to her pounding heart in elation. He remembered. He understood. He loved. Perhaps, even…he forgave?
Sometimes emotions are too powerful for words; fortunately for Amber, squealing unintelligibly required none.
UP NEXT: (Currently in-progress)
Chapter List
- The vital signs monitor – At first I wasn't quite sure if such a device was on the public market, at least aside from 'smart' devices like FitBit and such, so I did what I do best: I researched the fuck out of it for funzies. Turns out there are more varieties out there than I expected, each monitoring different signs in different fashions and to different accuracy levels. Since Donnie's never been the sort to simply COPY others' ideas, we can safely assume he's combined the best of several devices. The result is a small electronic monitor [about the size of a 9-volt battery] hung from the neck by a lanyard, which measures core body temp by way of leads attached to an adhesive-backed electrode stuck in the armpit. We can also assume fitting the device on Kimber was incredibly awkward because she intentionally MADE IT awkward.
* Full statement including what Amber's snoring cut off: "Ya be'n 'way too long 'gain, ya sook—nae be'n by fer a nip'er a bosie. Wha's a lass ta think?" – This little bit of Scotchness is a routine in-dream tease from Amber. You've been gone [from our dreams] too long again, you old softy—you haven't even come by for a kiss or cuddle. What's a woman to think?
** Man-Fritters – Alas, I cannot claim authorship of this little snigger-inducing euphemism. That honor belongs to author Mimi Jean Pampfiloff in her Accidentally Yours series. While the first two books were pretty recipe [if you know what I mean] they were HILARIOUS recipes. I'm not ashamed to admit that the scene in the first one where the heroine belts out 80's pop hits to keep sane made me laugh so hard I spewed my tea, CHOKED ON IT, then spent the rest of the day CROAKING. It was WORTH IT. (That said, the author also used a lovely little nonsense-word coined by my IRL friend Autumn back when we were in high school but didn't notate it. I'd encourage Autumn to stop starting word trends without first seeking a copyright but that'd mean I'd have to pay her every time I stole her stuff, heh.)
Also: Abby has no accent. She's intentionally warping the Oh, Hell no! in hopes of showing Mercy just how upset the news makes her.
# Implied smut – The encounter referenced here didn't make it to in-story occurrence BUT it took place during the Absolutes arc, which took up too much time-and-space for the intended back-and-forth between worlds. It's written up and included in the "Gallery of Memories" as The Blonde and the Beefcake and it can be found HERE.) It's almost entirely lemon, BTW. ;P
## Kirk tends to 'answer' Amber every time she talks to him – I am SO not basing this on our cat Heiferlump. Nope, not at all! …fine. Yes. Heifer responds to EVERYTHING she hears, no matter who says it, and it's rare to find someone she can't bait into answering back. She's particularly adept at getting my father to argue with her and routinely tries to argue with the microwave beeper. O_o It's awesome.
^ The Poem, "Dream Lovers" – I've not posted the entirety of the poem in any chapters or even the GoM installment of the same name. NOW, however, you can find the entire poem in comic format HERE, on this story's Here on Tumblr, OR on DeviantArt. The comic includes Donnie's additions and a small blurb of backstory leading to this scene, and the Tumblr/AO3 posts include a glossary for the many odd words used in the poem. For convenience's sake, I've included the translation of the included verse below.
Again, since Tumblr’s decided to be an ass about wordblock limits, see FFnet or AO3 for the glossary if anything throws you off.
#TMNT#teenage mutant ninja turtles#Ninja Turtles#TMNT Fanfiction#Fanfiction#Donatello#Raphael#Leonardo#Michelangelo#Donnie/OC#Raph/OC#Leo/OC#Mikey/OC#Romance#Drama#Hurt/Comfort#PTSD#Non-Sue OCs#A New Lease on Life#ANLoL#Get-a-new-lease-on-life#Plot Twists
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@bup-oh said:
Hey, sorry if this is a little weird, a random person in your askbox, but with talk about tammy and her shortcomings as a writer, I wanted to interject. While I DO believe tammy isn't a fantastic writer, imo her main issues are; she seems to favor quantity over quality, and has bad time management. She works on multiple comics, and strictly commits to her once a week updates. She posting pages before the comic is fully complete(?), shes on a time constraint to get pages drawn, and (1/3)
most likely be forced to rush to get them out the door at some point. On top of this, she has to keep in mind that we only see one page a week, and I feel like it effects the pacing. IMO, tammy doesn't necessarily lack skill with character development and proper character interaction, she just doesn't give herself time to do it. Throughout CCT and ESPECIALLY OE, it feels like some of the pages are missing panels and are spaced too far apart (2/3)
You can see in some of the pages she wants to do more, but doesn't have the room to do it. Pair all this with the fact shes so excited with starting BUP (which I don't blame her) and even more time is taken away from her. Tbh I feel like if she got better at time management, and when shes down to one comic for continuous updates, she could greatly improve and put more thought into her writing, by. giving. herself, ROOM. (3/3)
ok so im gonna try and sum up your points just for my own ease of understanding this: 1. you agree that she’s not great re: time and
actually wow im so bad at reading comprehension rn. thot you were trying to start discourse not just add your own point of view LOL im so good at this
personally i feel like she is good at time management, she’s just... idk... i wanna say she’s just focusing on bup way more than cct. because she was able to keep up four comics at a time (rd, ice climbers, cct, and the private nsfw cct comic i think), but she finished rd a while ago and ice climbers is almost finished on the patreon side. she basically has half as many comics going as she used to. (and a bit off topic but now that i think about it, i don’t think her writing re:character development declined from where I felt it was at while reading first match two years ago, it’s just becoming more relevant and visible now.) so it’s not rushed because she just doesn’t Have time, but she’s probably managing it poorly
ok so i came back to this after i wrote the above bit at 11 pm last night and wrote like three paragraphs and then tumblr crashed on me and deleted them so uhhh im gonna. rewrite all that. remember kids, when writing long tumblr posts, write them in the drafts page and save often. or just write them in word or gdocs or something just make sure you wont let tumbly fuck u over
so. personally I believe she’s not really having a time management issue. she has fewer running comics than she used to - she’s finished RD, ice climbers is nearly done on patreon, and the nsfw comic she once had going has been long over - and even when doing four comic updates a week she still managed to be successful. ice climbers is fully sketched and just three pages away from finishing on patreon. cct is 8 pages ahead on patreon and tammy sometimes leaves responses like ‘oh just wait till next page’ so I think it’s safe to say she has a couple pages sketched in advance. she’s been doing comics for at least a decade, i think she’s pretty experienced in that area by now.
i agree she’s rushed, but not in regards to bad time management. she’s got a good work schedule for herself, but with her focus shifted to bottled up, she’s rushing herself in terms of comic progress. she clearly wants to start bup as soon as possible, and that means finishing her other comics as soon as possible. and to nobody’s surprise, rushed comics are lower quality! she plans to start bup before the end of the year. there’s expected to be ten or so more patreon pages in cct, or about 19/20 publicly, and there’s twelve more thursdays this year. and ice climbers is gonna stretch into the new year too, ending on jan 8th i think. (so unless she decides to give another slot to one of those two she’s probably gonna give the former RD update day to bup if she wants to start it publicly this year.)
though I do think she has an issue with writing. she’s said before that for cct, she never writes down her plot lines in advance. she just keeps them in her head until she sketches the pages. and i feel like this really screws with pacing and also just the writing in general. idk if you’ve seen it but a while ago there was a post floating around of pixar’s writing tips - one of which was “putting it on paper lets you start fixing it”. which I feel really applies to tammy. if she wrote down her plans before sketching them, i feel like she could work them out at a better pace and with better quality. she also tends to think of a lot of stories and plotlines she wants to get to, but ends up with way too much on her plate and never manages to get around to covering most of them. also the one page a week schedule definitely affects pacing too. i feel like since we have to wait a week to see each page, it’s kinda common for them to end on cliffhangers to keep readers hooked (like yesterday’s public page)
also related, she doesn’t…. stay true to her word. i had another example for this but its mostly regarding future comic stuff thats currently patreon only rip. but you know for tetrox’s story. she’s recently been talking about how tetrox was the octarian soldier who attacked whinter back in HoI. and i think at one point she had a more in depth story planned for tetrox (and probably also arnick) regarding that, but since she wants to get onto bup soon she made the decision to skip it over and just move onto final match, and how her original plan was to have tetrox be an infiltrating soldier who planned to take the zapfish again. and she’s been saying that since she isn’t going to do that tetrox arc, that she might change tetrox’s backstory to be more like octo expansion’s story - watched the match against Octavio, decided to run away to the surface to join inkling society. And personally I feel like it’s … really telling of tammy’s character (as in, how she is as a writer) that she decided to just change her backstory because she knew she wouldn’t get to writing the comic.
a while ago on patreon she answered an ask of mine with the sentence “My stories and especially my mind changes all the time. So, holding me to things I say months back isn’t really the best idea.” and that’s really…. bothersome to me because while I love stories that develop and bloom as they move along, like cct (and also ovw’s lore), it’s incredibly disappointing when you practically memorize the lore and then the writer decides to retcon major details. and it shows how she hasn’t been planning well enough to keep what she’s already said in the past as canon. going back to the third paragraph, she might not have this issue if she wrote down her stories before sketching them, But Alas. :(
tldr: i believe she doesn’t have an issue with short-term workloads, but instead has trouble with long-term planning and writing her story.
#(also its not weird being a random person)#(also from ur bio im p sure i know who u are lol. wont say tho)#hopefully im gonna revisit this later on cause hhhhoooooooo boy im just spittin words all over the place . incoherent#asks#bup-oh#tt#ramblins#thank god i had one (1) of my paragraphs copied down lol#shoutout to sammy pyrofleurs for helping me edit/revise this!#also didn't include this in the paragraph but i definitely feel like she's experiencing some kind of burnout#i mean. for two years she was doing three pages a week plus weekly streams and maybe a dozen commissions per month#she's been able to stay on top of it amazingly well but it definitely has been taking a toll on her regarding stress and stuff#like she used to regularly play splatoon and this might just be nostalgia for splat1 but iirc she hasn't touched her switch in months#also not really connected to anything else but for whinter's character. he hasn't appeared in comic for nearly two years and hasn't gotten#much in comic character development. but now in FM (and this may be in part because of how she's working on bup) he's front and center#and his role as the protagonist is just being played up SO much and it feels like All Of A Sudden he's an expert on other people's trauma#which he wasn't present for and barely knows about. in general he just has no prior involvement in the leaders' story but now that he's here#and the Main Character™‚ it feels like the responsibility of fixing all this falls on him even though its really not his business. idk#it's just so clear that he's tammys favorite and the true protagonist of cct even though none of that had been shown prior to FM#we got three consecutive chapters with bella where we actually got to learn about her as a character and get a vague idea of her motives#and none of that for whinter! or really anyone on cct! all we know is that he NEEDS to get revenge against bella for what she did.#even though it had no direct effect on him#wow ok enough talking! thanks anyone who read all this#uh i had smthn else to add but i forgot f#OH YEAH. i had a couple other paragraphs but i decided to cut them out#cause one was rly off topic and the other was just me complaining and i sounded like an asshole lol
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EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE 150 QUESTIONS
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My most recent ex
2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’d say I’m pretty outgoing
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Mainly my dad, 2 more weeks!! I’m super excited
4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so? I talk a lot so I probably get annoying but then again there’s always a conversation so 🤷🏻♀️
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I think so
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?People with positive energies, cute smiles, and nice hearts
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Who knows man, I’m pretty emotionally damaged though. I have a lot of baggage.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?My dad, I miss him.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Nope.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“It just really grinds my gears”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-down 4 u by blackbear-gorgeous by mansionz-surprise party by hoodie allen -ivy by frank ocean-dead roses by blackbear (I love blackbear ok I’m sorry his voice just makes me happy and I can relate with the whole people screwing you over aesthetic)
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Uhhh yes
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?I believe in miracles, but I don’t believe in luck bc I think everything happens for a reason
15. What good thing happened this summer?Pride, I learned a lot about myself, and I got to be in a cool show with some cool people
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No comment next question pls
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?I think there’s gotta be, the universe is just too big dude.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No, but funny story I literally only thought he was cool bc we bonded over Chris brown and Halloween town and i was in like 1st grade. Honestly my first REAL crush on a girl who was my best friend and I thought she was an angel tbh
19. Do you like bubble baths?Yup, but I have to at least wash off my body before I take a bath bc I don’t like soaking in my own dirt ya feel
20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t really know them, one of them is this kinda cool old guy though. He picks up twigs and leaves every morning, pretty dope dude if you ask me.
21. What are you bad habits?I get attached to easily, but I also distance myself a lot when people get to close bc I have trust issues. Like whenever anyone gets too close I freak out bc I don’t know how to handle emotions and I always try to break up with them before they hurt me.
22. Where would you like to travel?I wanna go to the red wood forest in Cali and I’d like to go somewhere where there’s a black sand beach bc I think those are pretty cool.
23. Do you have trust issues?I have major trust issues wdym
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Sleeping
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?The fact it doesn’t work properly is kind of a bummer and it pisses me off. Look wise, I’m not too fond of my nose tbh. It’s kinda big and triangular and I used to think I looked like phineas.
26. What do you do when you wake up?On school days I normally try to wait a minute so I can see how much feeling I have in my legs before I stand up. Sometimes I fall over or whatever but it’s cool. On week ends and days I have doctors appointments I sleep in and then I lay in bed for like 30 mins to an hour and do stuff on my phone.
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I don’t really care tbh
28. Who are you most comfortable around?My closest friends
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Yeah
30. Do you ever want to get married?Yup
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?My hair is long enough for like 3 ponytails
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Ellen page and missy peregrym
33. Spell your name with your chin.Wo fMy name is Alex, but I tried
34. Do you play sports? What sports?I used to play softball and I was in love with it, but then I quit for theatre and music.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Tv
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?I normally tell people, but sometimes I don’t
37. What do you say during awkward silences?I normally make a stupid joke
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Uhhhhh next question plS
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?target and thrift stores. Especially value villages, I always find cool stuff at value village.
40. What do you want to do after high school?I’m gonna go to college, I recently have been considering doing pre med and then going to medical school but who knows 🤷🏻♀️
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I think some people do, and I think some people have to prove that they deserve a second chance, but then there are people that don’t deserve even a first chance let alone a second chance.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m either thinking or I’m trying to keep my mouth shut so I don’t say something mean
43. Do you smile at strangers?I always smile when I make eye contact
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space my dude
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Sometimes I don’t get out of bed tbh, like today I didn’t get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and to take a shower. Most of the time it’s just bc of school
46. What are you paranoid about?Everything
47. Have you ever been high?Nope
48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Not that I know of
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?It’s rainbow tie dye
51. Ever wished you were someone else?Sometimes, but most of the time I’m happy in my own body
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I could learn to trust people better and let them in. I tend to isolate myself a lot, even from the people in my house because I’ve been hurt so much that it’s hard to trust people tbh
53. Favourite makeup brand?I really love Anastasia Beverly Hills but I also love tarte and kat von d 🤷🏻♀️
54. Favourite store?Target
55. Favourite blog?I have a couple, @thequeerexpoditionist @sapphic-sage @brianniscute and all of the lesbian blogs
56. Favourite colour?Yellow
57. Favourite food? Noodles
58. Last thing you ate?A ho ho bc I’m a ho ho
59. First thing you ate this morning?I had pancakes
60. Ever won a competition? For what?I won some tournaments in softball, does that count?
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope I’m a good noodle
62. Been arrested? For what?Never
63. Ever been in love? Yeah
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?It was in a church parking lot and I bumped teeth with the guy and it was awkward, shortly after I broke up with him for my first girlfriend oops
65. Are you hungry right now?Not really
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I don’t really have a lot of tumblr friends tbh
67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter bc I love the tea
68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?Nope
70. Names of your bestfriends? Briann, faith, and Elizabeth
71. Craving something? What?I’m craving a cuddle buddy bc it’s cold and I just wanna lay on someone’s chest
72. What colour are your towels?They’re multi colored
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Okay so I’m weird and I have like 5 pillows on my bed but when I go to sleep I don’t use any of them
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yeah don’t judge me
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Probably like 10-15 but a lot of them are in my closet (just like me)
75. Favourite animal?I really love dogs, they make me happy. I also really love cats though. I LOVE ALL ANIMALS HONESTLY
76. What colour is your underwear?It’s blue
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Swirl ;) just kidding I like vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Vanilla with strawberries in it
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?It’s grey and it has dogs on it
80. What colour pants?I’m wearing black shorts
81. Favourite tv show?The x files, but I’ve recently been watching the good doctor and it’s really good!
82. Favourite movie?Dead poets society orrrr perks of being a wallflower
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls what kind of question is that
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?I’ve never seen all of 21 jumpstreet so I guess mean girls
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Gretchen, I can relate to her anger
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Either the starfish, the puffer fish, or the little squid girl
87. First person you talked to today?Faith
88. Last person you talked to today?So far it’s been Faith
89. Name a person you hate?I don’t talk about him
90. Name a person you love?Briann!
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Not really?
92. In a fight with someone?I don’t think so
93. How many sweatpants do you have?Like 1 pair no joke
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Too many
95. Last movie you watched?THE NEW SAW MOVIE OMG
96. Favourite actress?Ellen page bc I have a crush on her
97. Favourite actor?Zachary Quinto bc I love him and he was great in Star Trek plus heS GAY
98. Do you tan a lot?I don’t tan, ever.
99. Have any pets?I have a dog named gizmo but he doesn’t love me as much as I love him :((
100. How are you feeling?Like crap, same as usual
101. Do you type fast?On my phone? Yes. On my laptop? No.
102. Do you regret anything from your past?I regret a lot of things, but ya gotta learn one way or another 🤷🏻♀️
103. Can you spell well?I think so
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?I guess so
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yup
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Unfortunately I think so
107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yeah
108. What should you be doing?I should be writing an essay
109. Is something irritating you right now?Not really
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yeah
111. Do you have trust issues?Um yeah I already answered this oneeeee
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don’t even remember I try not to cry in front of people
113. What was your childhood nickname?I used to get called Grace in softball bc I always tripped over my own feet and I’d constantly get hurt lmao
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yup thank god
115. Do you play the Wii?I haven’t played the wii in forever but I bet I’d still kick ass in wii tennis
116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?I love chicken noodle soup bc I love noodles
118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes yes yes
119. Favourite book?Right now it’s probably diary of an oxygen thief, but looking for Alaska is still my all time fav
120. Are you afraid of the dark?Kinda I get The Spooks™
121. Are you mean?Sometimes I can be really mean, most of the time it isn’t intentional and I feel bad but sometimes it’s well deserved
122. Is cheating ever okay?Nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Probably not, I don’t own a pair of white shoes though
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Nah
125. Do you believe in true love?Yeah
126. Are you currently bored?Not really
127. What makes you happy?Coffee, genuine hugs, dogs, hiking, the way the sun feels on a chilly day, good grades, sleeping, ya know the usual stuff
128. Would you change your name?I used to hate my name, but now I think it’s pretty cool
129. What your zodiac sign?I’m a Gemini with a rising Scorpio
130. Do you like subway?Not really
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Next question
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith
133. Favourite lyrics right now?“And you give good head, make daddy real proud of you” bc the way blackbear says it is really cool and I wish someone would give me good head and call me daddy
134. Can you count to one million?Probably not lmao
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I’ve told a lot of dumb lies I think it’s a pretty human thing to do
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?I have to sleep with them open and I hate it bc I get really paranoid
137. How tall are you?I’m 5’6
138. Curly or Straight hair?I have straight hair but I think curly hair is really pretty
139. Brunette or Blonde?I have a thing for brunettes
140. Summer or Winter?Winter
141. Night or Day?I feel inclined to say night, but I like doing things during the day so idk
142. Favourite month?Used to be December but someone had to fuck it up for me so idk
143. Are you a vegetarian?No, I’m trying to be though
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?All chocolate, I don’t discriminate against chocolate
145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee, but I really love sweet iced tea
146. Was today a good day?Not really
147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers
148. What’s your favourite quote?“We’re all homos” - michael Scott
149. Do you believe in ghosts?Kinda yeah
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “But thanks to AA I had signed a new lease of life and I was determined to use it” -diary of an oxygen thief
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Episode 18 - Finale - “praying Devon's fricking cat was gonna knock him tf over” - Matt S.
Holy Fucken Potatoes. Those three rounds were crazy. That immunity challenge was fun but my dumb as was putting astrological instead of astrology but i got to the 4th clue. The youtube video pretty fast but Timmy was quicker and I was happy for him to win. Luckily we had a plan already set which was to target Cullan. It was a 4-3 vote which was suprising cuz thought it would have been a 5-2 vote. The 10 minute to talk was very awkward and weird but oh well. The challenge unscramble was soo hard and my paper looked crazy. Im happy i have immunity for this f6 vote but i feel sad and guilty for snakely taking it away from Timmy. He tbh deserves this immunity but spelling typo has handed it to me. Which im grateful though. Timmy is my ride or die in this game and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure he survives this round without being targeted and help us reach the final 2 together. Theres more tea but for now, Timmy knows that I have the cote steal and he is the only one that does. More info tomorrow.
I’m legit flipping my game upside down right now.
Matt wants to go to final 4 with me, him, Timmy, and Maynor. which like sis are you TRYING to lose this game? Like even if we did that, why the FUCK would anyone vote for Matt over TIMMY? Obviously idk where the jury’s heads are at but..I have a feeling they’re not gonna enjoy voting for Matt right now.
So I’ve decided to take this horse by the reigns (making red coats redder with blood stains) bc fuck it I’ve already beat my tumblr survivor placement and I know I’m not winning a F3 immunity comp, so if I’m gonna go down with this ship before FTC, I’m not going down without a fight.
I’m working with Devon. I KNOW RIGHT?! Who knew? As of now I’m going to manipulate this so either Timmy/Chips leaves, OR we send it rocks and Devon uses his power to take one of them out. I know Devon wants to use his power because he thinks it’ll look like a big move at F5 to the jury, but sis if I tie the vote? And get you to use your power to my advantage? That’s my move. At least that’s how I’d look at it as a juror.
In short, snake Madison, Lady Madbeth, any other nickname for my villain side that’s been given to me thus far, is coming out at Final 5. And it’s going to make or break my game, but I’m gonna have a BLAST either way.
I cannot believe I've made it this far. A lot of us were expecting a live tribal, and I was in between plans to do either Chips or Cullan. I realized though in voting for Chips I'd be getting rid of someone I could trust over someone I couldn't trust at all. Sorry I screwed over Madison in the process but I had to do what I knew was best for ME. It's not pairs anymore unfortunately and a lot of my problems earlier had to do with allowing myself to be tethered to somneone else. It's an individual game and I have to do what I have to. I'm so glad Chips is here because he wants to do Timmy and so does Madison. He's definitely the biggest player here and I like him, but he's dangerous. It's just about convincing Devon to vote with us, which is something I consistently cannot do because Devon be a little cray cray and hard to reason with.
It looks like the ‘majority’ should be voted Devon out. Devon should be voting Chips. Is that really gunna happen? I Don’t Fucken Know TBH. Devon said that Matt and Chips were voting for Timmy. Which means Madison will also be voting that way as well if its true. There is a whole lot of mess right now and Im hoping that Timmy doesnt go tonight. His my #1 and I would be 100% vulnerable the next couple rounds if he leaves tonight. Im trying my hardest to get the votes to stay on Devon.
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This is fucken nuts. Matt wants to take out Timmy for being a threat and Timmy wants me to use my vote steal to help him. Im trying to keep vote on Devon so Timmy would be able to stay. I need him here but also dont want Madison and Matt mad at me and vote me out 4th or 5th. I dont know what to do. I’m just ahhhhhhhh.
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Operation Save Timmy’s Ass. Is good to go. I was able to convince Matt that Timmy had an Idol. So plan is to ‘flush this fake idol’ but vote for Devon. The vote should end up being 4-2. I hope this works. I busts my ass for 3 something hours trying to save Timmy. Id be livid if it doesnt work.
So I’m probably going home tonight and it’s not lit. Of course I would be getting 6th, stay shook America. Maynor is too trusting for his own good I think, like I don’t believe Matt when he tells maynor that he believes maynor when he says I have an idol bc let’s be real...that’s just too convenient. But Devon does have the tie thing or does he but I know maynor has the vote steal. I want him to use it tonight but also I want him to save himself in final 5 if I’m not there because it’s his advantage and he deserves to use it to Hepburn himself. I just don’t want go to jury right now because fuck, I’ve been trying so hard in this game and it’s just the so close yet so far of it all.
Alright, so yesterday there was a live challenge that was a scavenger hunt. The first clue had you look at the astrology page and then solve a slide puzzle.
For some reason no matter how slow I took it or how much I paid attention to detail my youtube video would not work. So I ended up not getting past that clue.
Timmy won individual immunity because I guess his video worked. And then we were told that there was a twistos twist where we had to vote without talking before casting the vote.
Luckily for me Devon had already considered this eventuality and had already brought it to my attention that it was a possibility. The thing is that when he brought it up he didn't say anything else to my response. I assumed this would mean I was getting the vote for the night...
And, it did Devon and Cullan both voted for me with one person from the "other" group of Matt and Madison. I just went with my instinct and voted Cullan since I assumed he'd be most likely to get votes. And he did.
After that we were told we would immediately move into another immunity challenge! This one was like a decoder for a line of words. I was figuring it out pretty good and then my internet decided to crap out on me... so I was trying to fix that so I could be on the hangout since I thought I had to be on the hangout to progress in the challenge - I dunno.
Anyway, whenever my internet came back it was announced that Timmy had won immunity! I was pretty much set at that point to target Devon as the vote since I don't think anyone wants to particularly vote for Maynor...
... then it was announced that he did in fact not win immunity and Maynor swooped in and claimed it!
So I kind of had it in my head that maybe this might be the round to vote out Timmy since he's showing (especially the last two challenges) that he could finish out the season in an immunity run. I think it's better to have the option of voting someone out if you want to as opposed to being forced to vote out someone else. Also there's the fact that he and Maynor have a tight final two and that makes very little space to budge for others.
Anyway, I touch base with Madison (who is now speaking with me about stuff, believe it or not) and she admits that she was the third vote for me and that she had voted for me before Matt had changed his mind on a plan to vote me out. I thanked her for her honesty.
Alright, so then Matt approached me asking what I was thinking for the vote and I decided that since he saved me and I saved him... that why not be honest with someone. I told him I was considering Timmy. And that I just wasn't sure how exactly to swing it. Then he let me know that he and Madison were down for that.
So I was pretty shocked that a plan could work out. Then Devon started freaking out - he told me that he is going to vote for me.
Then I get back online a bit later and apparently he's flipped his vote to Timmy. He wants to vote out Timmy because he thinks that Timmy and Maynor and I are in a trio and apparently (got this from Matt and Madison) thinks that I am going to be playing an idol so he feels safer targeting Timmy.
And now Timmy is basically telling me to please not vote him.. and things are awkward because he's telling me all of this "I've never voted you stuff" and I'm really not sure he'd understand that I'm doing it for game reasons. But I don't want to tell him that I'm voting him because Devon's already done enough damage being extra I don't want to give Timmy and Maynor (by extension) a shot at it.
Anyway.. if everything works out I guess Timmy gets a majority vote with four people voting for him? If it doesn't then we could see something wonky with people not voting how they've said. Maybe I'll be voted out this time? If I am I'd be really shocked but then kind of not... or you know, maybe somebody else entirely... like Matt or Madison? Or maybe some people in my "group" will lose their nerve and Devon?
I guess tribal will be exciting regardless.
Anyway, I think it's hilarious that Devon wanted to target me because he's sure I'll be winning this game whenever I'm sitting here in the knowledge that I can't.
TIMMY IS VOTED OUT
I am extremely sad right now. I lost Timmy in this game and him leaving knowing we cant talk like normal is ugh. I want to get Matt and Madison back for and send them home 5th and 4th but atlas that me being emotional. Im just shutting everyone out until i get myself back together.
This was a crazy round with the instant tribal then the immediate immunity. At first I felt like I had to get chips out, but in the end Timmy was the way bigger threat strategy wise. Chips definitely has the better story and the most adversity to get here but Timmy is good at immmunity and had Maynor as an extra vote every time. Last 5 just have to find a way to get to the end.
This challenge is ugly. The only good thing is everyone is having trouble so hopefully im able to get points high enough to win.
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Welp. Never mind. I doubt my bs of a list will win me immunity. I suck at this challenge and i just hope it doesnt cause my vote out.
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It looks like its suppose to be Devon tonight which is alright with me. I just hope that it isn’t me going home. Ive made it this far and dont want to be cut short like right here towards the end. Matt said he would never vote for me so Im trusting him a lot right now that he’s going to keep me. Im just plain nervous right now.
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All this got crazy in the last few minutes. Its still between Devon and Chips so thats all I care about. And looks like Matt would be the target if he doesnt in immunity in f4. So i think im good for f3. Cross my fingers. I can make it.
Alright, so that immunity challenge with the massive amount of letters and discovering Survivor players turned out to be too much for me.
So I flopped and scored a 1. I feel close with Matt so I think he won't vote me out and he's the one with immunity, so I guess technically the one who calls the most shots? Apparently he and Maynor already discussed it and they are going to vote Devon.
So Devon was told that he is leaving and sent me a weird message about how I won a game of tug-of-war with him but that he is voting me to win the game if I am in the final tribal council. I told him I did not understand the metaphor...mostly because I have not been pulling at "the rope" and he has... three rounds in a row. I wanted to go to the END with Devon up until that "live no hands tribal" stuff.
I'm pretty aware that I am at the mercy of all of the other players and if I make it through this round I have to do my best to find in-roads to have a guarantee that I at least get to do a fire making if I get to the final four. I let Matt know that I want to go to the end with him and hope that builds up enough trust that he will want to take me.
I took that opportunity to openly admit that I know the negative view of me as a player and that I have no shot and he and I compared some of Devon's notes and how Devon thinks that I am the most threatening person in the end... for some reason.
Also Devon let Matt know that in the chopping block order it would go me and then Matt - I'm not entirely sure how strategy factors into sharing that information given that he wants Matt to not vote him.
Honestly, I'd be shocked if Devon was even actually voting me if I made final tribal council and is not using it as some sort of ploy to try and swing people to his side to get me out this round only.
Excited to see if this round shakes out unanimously against Devon, if they vote me instead, or if an idol is played by somebody?? Or FOR somebody.
Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.
I dont know what to do. Devon just offered to be f4 boot if Matt wins immunity next round. I might take it up and vote Chips cuz he is a threat and then hopefully take out Devon next round.
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This crazy as mess. But looks like itll be a tamed vote 4-1. Perhaps.
CHIPS IS VOTED OUT
Final Immunity Challenge is tonight and Im very nervous for it because I want to win it to make sure I’m in the final 2. If not Ill be very paranoid the whole time until the vote. I dont want to go home 4th when Im just one tribal away. I know Matt has my back and Madison made a promise but both of them have lied to me so they could easily be doing so now. I just have to try and win it for myself or I have to make sure it isnt me next.
Well here it’s the last shot to guarantee a spot in the final. Almost 2 months has come down to one night to ensure you make it to the end. I have to be honest when I saw the cast I was a little out of depth for myself. So many motivated individuals and so many chances to go home. But 20 people have gone before me and there are 4 left, it has been a journey for sure. So many people wanted this position and now I have to take it, or else it’s bye bye time. If Matt wins it almost guarantees him the finals win with his character arc. From having a majority and smooth sailing his allies went home one after another. He was at the bottom and he held on and eventually controlled the game at the end until last round where an hour before tribal I was going home. But I was able to convince Madison and Maynor that chips was the bigger threat and Matt went along with it. It’s been a ride and I sure hope it’s not over!
Im literally hoping I can pull of a win for the last immunity. I just want safety for the last round. My heart is pounding cuz friend picked me up and he fucked stopped to sit down to fucken eat food in less than a hr before the challenge. I might die if he eliminates me from the this final immunity.
Devon: was shot in the shoulder and can’t do a pressure cooker
me: has muscular dystrophy and can’t do a pressure cooker.
my game ends here folks
Tonight is the night and I literally just went to the bathroom just to make sure there are no bodily inhibitors to me succeeding in beating Devon (and hopefully everyone else) so that I can guarantee myself a spot in the F3. I have never ever in my life come this close and it's so so so crazy. I'm proud of the way I played and hopefully I won't have to start exploring contingency plans on what happens if fricking Devon steals a spot from the MMM alliance. I truly feel that it would be me going home.
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I swear to god I was sitting there, on the eve of my 2 year anniversary with my partner, praying Devon's fricking cat was gonna knock him tf over. Waking up and seeing Maynor won is an absolute ray of sunshine because I was SO worried it would come to a point where I would have to go to a tiebreaker with Maynor or Madison whom I love or just probably end up going home. Not to say there isn't still a chance that things don't go my way here, but I think it not only makes strategic sense to eliminate Devon, but also I just have faith in the bond I've formed with M&M that they will take me through to the final 3. From there, I don't know what will happen, but I can honestly say I'm proud.
I won the Final Fucken Immunity. Im so happy. It was my first ever doing an endurance comp. I wanted to give it my all and I was luckily able to win. Now what to do Madison, Matt or Devon? Matt has been one of my closest allies in this game. But he can be seen as the ‘leader’ of the endgame. Theres Madison who played kinda like me, only got 1 vote, and a huge social threat. Devon has been playing a lackluster game and idk if he would win but has friends in the jury. Gunna be a tough choice.
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I have to go on a date today with a slight limp. Thanks for that you guys. 🙃
So it looks like Madison is giving me the power who to tell her to vote for. Im leaning towards Devon now because this comp performance was very good and could get peoples votes in the end. I feel like I can dismantle his game more than Devons.
Well this is is it, I should have tried harder in that challenge I just was getting so tired I was gonna pass out from being so tired. Now I am in the predicament where it’s me or matt tonight. The plan was since f6 for it to be me Madison and Maynor but I feel that slipping a little today. I really believe I will more than likely take another 4th place. I have done my plea and I do really feel matt will win in the end if he gets there. I guess I just couldn’t keep my foot in the game.
youtube
DEVON IS VOTED OUT
Well. Matt stayed. I hope it was a mistake to keep Matt. I wanted out M&M&M alliance to be f3. Hope im able to gwt enough votes to win.
This truly could be the game that I actually win. I felt in the beginning that I was in a better mindset to play Survivor and that I had a good idea of how I was gonna play the game lined up. Of course that was thrown away almost instantly thanks to twists but I still kept the attitude. This game has been all about growth for me, finding idols, winning immunity, making genuine relationships with people, it's all new to me, and it's not the same person I was in Maluku, Ancient Greece, or even Solomon Islands; although this is the first game I've played on anti-anxiety medication so maybe that was the ticket for me. I can say with certainty that it's the best game I've played and that I truly believe I am the best of the three finalists, and maybe Maynor would agree with me considering he tried to pull a fast one on me AND blame it on Madison. All I can do now is present myself in the best way I possibly can, own my game, and hope the relationships I've built will get me the win.
I dont know if we need to do anymore of these but heres one. Maybe ill do one more. Idk. Its crazy that I made it to ftc. Do I have a chance of winning. I dont know but someone told me to be confident in the game i played and be proud. Im going to try and do that. Havent had much luck in these ftc. Im just happy I made it to the end. I hope i have a chance to win.
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Some Spider-Man:Homecoming Awesome Moments/thoughts, behind a cut bc spoilers, and also long:
I basically squee’d through the entire beginning, after the like Damage Control/Toomes part. From the whole orchestrated version of the Spider-Man cartoon theme during the Marvel sequence (which honestly was way too frickin long, but the music was a good touch), to the vlogging part, like it was just. So Good. (my Spider-Man friend liked the vlogging, too, said it was a very Peter Parker thing)
Adrian Toomes literally has the stupidest reason for hating Tony Stark, and also tbh, supes awk I’ve been salty/on guard so long from the anti’s, it wasn’t obvious to me at all that Toomes was Evil All Along, I lowkey read it as “and this is when I decided to become Evil” moment with him staring with hate at Tony. Apparently, according to my friend I went with, who is more of a Spider-’verse guy, it was p obvious to him *like a cross between shrug emoji and :’)* (I think it was the fact that, like, Tony’s face took up half that screen that had me on guard? It says *US* Department etc, joint venture, etc, but like isn’t Pepper still CEO of Stark Industries? I mean idk I guess I’m kind of annoyed the anti’s have me so on guard that I looked at that and was like “great it’s set up to blame Tony personally for stuff that is again NOT his personal sole total fault”)
Re: the vlogging. oH MAN, THE TIMES NEW ROMAN 12 PT FONT DOUBLE SPACED CARD!!!! I’D ACTUALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS, HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT FROM?? Was that CW? It seems like it’s been ages
comment Tony made re: May wearing whatever. Oh no, bad, not good, whose idea was this, pls can we Stop that (other than that tho the rest of it was good, so even though we started rough at least we moved on)
oh no sad child sending a million texts with no response :( (okay it kind of is hilarious to me that Happy is so incredibly out of his depth with Peter tho, like he has no idea what to do with being responsible for a teenager)
THE CHILDREN ARE ACTUALLY CHILDREN, THEY LOOK LIKE...middle school/high school, I’ve realized I am REALLY bad at telling, I’m back home and see these kids in the mall or Starbucks and I’m like “I am going to call them high schoolers but they look So Small somehow, a part of me yells “MIDDLE SCHOOLERS”???
tiny soft spider son who is awkward but not cringey? The whole movie was wholesome and good, and him and Liz were cute and there was no Hetero Farce, like Liz actually liked him, too, even though Peter’s an underdog it didn’t condescend on him? (like, didn’t play up that whole No Girl Will Like You Cuz You’re A Nerd thing that’s like douchebro mentality)
BODEGA CAT
omg tiny child going into alleyway and changing into his suit, kind of a weirdly endearing scene but so ???? like I don’t even know how to describe this feeling but He Is My Tiny Spider Son
the little notes are super cute. "why did I tell him about the churro” super cute. Him accidentally messing up and webbing a guy who was breaking into his own car: also super cute actually, and good flavor, too. All of it set the stage really well for him as an actually “Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man,” like he’s basically running errands, but also he’s not omniscient so sometimes things are not what they seem
Happy is SUPER out of his depth lmao oh man
Ned Leeds and his fanboying highkey relatable (guy in the chaiiiir)
I can’t believe Zero Moustafa was in this movie, I didn’t even recognize him also I highkey was not expecting him
honestly all of the whole “changes in your body” stuff to Peter were also funny and added great flavor to the movie. It’s a bit out there and ridiculous but it’s from Peter’s PoV and was very appropriate for that :D
DUM-E!!!!!
“how far can you shoot?” “if I were you I’d stand on the edge of a building and shoot as far as you can” *girl turns around and gives them a weird look*
I highkey appreciate that Peter is the “I can just be myself” kind of person, this lets Ned be the “nobody wants that” ironic humor but also highkey relatable guy/line person. This was a good way of setting up those dyad of lines bc it centers self-confidence FIRST, and then the self-deprecating humor
running across the golf course was Excellent, him flailing so badly in suburbia was also good flavor and also hashtag same
“if you’re going to shoot someone shoot me” TINY HEROIC SPIDER SON OH MY GOD OH MAN HOLY HECK
“So. You got detention”
something something “those turkeys convinced you” something something
“So your body’s changed. Believe me, I know how that feels”
“You can’t just stroll back in and expect to be welcomed with open arms” *teacher walks out of bus with open arms* “hey, welcome back, Peter.”
“Listen, can we go, already? cuz I was hoping to get in some light protesting before dinner” “protesting is patriotic, let’s get on the bus”
Training Wheels Protocol. Baby Monitor Protocol. Karen. DRONEY. ADVANCED INTERROGATION MODE LMAO. “Instant Kill.”
seriously tho I appreciate how much of a genuinely down-to-earth guy Peter is. It’s not forced and it’s consistent, he’s such a good child
the TI-84 tho
RDJ!!! ARM-CLUTCHING!!! “gosh I sound like my father” *quiet gross sobbing on the inside*
school admin: there’s a dance. what are you doing?
Ned: I’m....looking...at....porn?
that whole sequence of Toomes in the car on their way to homecoming was cinematically brilliant?? The way the light of the traffic lights shone and the symbolism with it, I like had a moment of like, “Oh my god, this is actually a really well-crafted movie??” (like tbh my salty ass lowkey can’t believe *Marvel* churned it out)
(this whole middle section I stopped taking notes and was just watching bc the next notes I have are on Tony losing control of the screwing the pooch metaphor lmao. but a couple points:)
“COME ON, SPIDER-MAN” D: D:
the invisible jet. them playing up the danger of the turbines was really suspenseful, but also very nice because it demonstrates genre-savvy. also, that part where you see Spidey on the top of the jet camo panels bc he’s on the bottom :D :D
seeing Peter save Toomes made me a bit sad bc I was remembering the post Nat wrote about the parallels we COULD have had, i.e. from IM1, IM3, that were ultimately cut :(
Tony’s whole extending the metaphor on screwing the pooch and absolutely losing control of it with the whole free clinic and hybrid puppies line lmao.
“he made a really mature decision. surprised the heck out of us” :D :D these two are so frickin out of their depth with any kid, let alone Peter. Thank heck Peter’s the voice of reason here. (again, good flavor, cute characterization points, gr8 all around)
the whole post credit scene and the metatexual poking fun at the audience for waiting for something for forever that doesn’t seem like it’s worth it lmaooo. (actually when I’d first glanced at a gifset on Tumblr, I’d thought he was referring to waiting for Peggy since TFA ended on that note, so I thought it was referring back to that)
re: like the treatment of the high school setting, it seemed a biiiit...stereotypical to me, but I think ultimately it was a good mix of current with nostalgic for the maybe older crowd who’d watched three iterations of Spider-Man in so many years, I think. Like, the whole “You’re bullied because you’re a nerd” and the whole “very clear defined cliques” thing is so....Mean Girls era, and that kind of was the touch of nostalgia. But also they did kind of set it up where Peter and Ned weren’t necessarily bullied by EVERYONE *for* being nerds, because Flash was also in Decathalon, and more because Flash was a jerk, which I think was a good updated social mores touch. Also, I liked that the “comeuppance” scene with Peter commandeering Flash’s (dad’s) car wasn’t all vindictive, it was fueled by genuine need, and he didn’t go out of his way to destroy the car, he just literally had never actually driven on roads before :DD
so kind of in conclusion: SM:H really is All That and More, it was so good and I want to watch it again a million times
#spider man spoilers#I'm sorry my tag is so awful#I hope mobile doesn't mess this up weirdly for ppl#roz speaks#spider man homecoming#I literally took notes in a notebook as I watched lol#the post is very long#smhc talk
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Day 70
Seventy.
Life is going on. With ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Well life is mostly grey for me.
As every day passes, i just realize more and more how much i love him. I really dont want to bluff about it but I just couldnt stop from typing it out because the realization blows my mind away. And one big reason is because I would never do what i did, or can do for him, and no one will ever mean anything even remotely close to how much he meant to me and will always mean to me.
This might all just sound like a cheesy note any person in love would say but Oh God! trust me, this is what comes to my head after quite a good number of not-so-nice crap i have in my big fat head. So yeah! thats how i just know. This is not ever going away. And if I ever got a chance to re-live, i wouldn’t have wanted to fall in love with anyone else, orrrrrrrrrrr id just wish I was alone. That’s pretty cool tooo!! lol
Speaking of which. Yeah. I pretty much do enjoy my own company. I just dont like communicating much with people. for a lot of reasons actually. Well, to begin with. I believe im a really complicated person. LIke, everyone has their own story and theres something twisty about everyone and bla bla but then I really do thing Im just not that easy to understand, and to top all that, I dont even like opening up to people so thats more of a reason to not get me. I am kind of aware of the fact that i seem to have a lot of ego and seem to be filled with pride and arrogance. But thats not true, thats just how some people see me, and i cant blame them because i think that is something i mask myself with. However, many people do find me really sweet and all but whatever side anyone sees, its always clear, im not really interested in getting too close with anyone and that i appreciate my own space. Sometimes, i do wonder if i really do enjoy being on my own or i actually want some good friends. But then the thing is, i have really really good friends back from high school. the only thing is, theyre not in the same country, theyre far away. but then again, even when we were all on ksa, we still mostly communicated on social media and stuff so it shouldnt matter much i guess. what im trying to say is. despite all the misunderstanding people might have with me, or people actually finding me sweet or whatever. or me not liking them much or wanting them to be my friends or whatever. the thing is, its not that i dont have anyone at all. because i do have people who know me. they dont know every little detail about me though, and thats because i dont talk much to them either. but they know me as a person. like i dont need to kiss their ass to get their attention, i can be myself with them.. i can be mean, and rude, or not keep in touch or act like im full of ego, like im so full of my shit and theyd still accept me. because they know that thats just how i am. im not sugarcoated.
But.. it still doesnt matter
What im saying is. I prefer sitting alone on my own. doing literally nothing. no phone. no laptop. no means of communication with the outside world OVER actually chatting with anyone. or even someone who knows me so well and is close to me.
Ok man, i talk a lot!
So yeah that’s the thing! but when we were together, i wouldve done anything to not miss a chance to talk to him lol - thats just an easy way to put it out there, that he was different.
And also putting it out there how my life is right now. I prefer my own company. I dooooo badly wish i had a ‘partner’ though - an ‘eating partner’!!!!!! haha! I really wish i could go to restaurants with someone to try food randomly. But then. idk. i mean its not that easy to find someone who has the same love for food and aso someone whos willing to spend money to try food or someone whod be able to hang out with me. especially i dont even have any good friends in ksa right now Ugh
Another really important reason i dont like talking to people much is the commitment. I hate commitment!!!!!!! And when i say commitment i dont even mean something serious like being in some relationship. i mean.. even the smallest commitment. like when you even knock someone and the person expects you to reply fast. Like okay give me a break! We dint exchange vows or something, yth do i need to reply fast. or whyd you even expect me to reply fast like idk. do people just pause their lives and just talk to other people? bleh Im not even ready for that so yeah!
buttttttttt then again - with him. it was SO different. but like i said. it was only him!!!!
Something cool was the fact that i had a dream of him the other day. we never met each other f2f after our last conversation, so him in my dream was the first time we met f2f which wasnt actual anyways!!! But!!! I was so full of attitude. Like I could totally see my facial expressions and go like. “Oh God Youuu” to myself! Im usually full of attitude in front of other guys, if i ever am, which is kinda rare. just saying!
So i read his post about him going to bd and stuff, and i wont even lie about how i totally never like that. but then this time its different obviously. In many ways though. One way to look at it is how i just remembered about the time when he was in bd last year! ~~~ And the award for the roughest of all times goes to!!!!
Now comes the part were I actually give the reason why I dont blog much! Well tbh i want to blog all the time. But then!!!! Who am i kidding???? Its obviously cause I want him to read my post and blabla so yeah I dont! I mean. I really want to, but i dont. The same way. Forget blogging man. I mean. In this generation, with all these advancements and i say, no barrier at all. If we could decide like two mature adults to stop talking for nothing but good intentions then i sure as hell can keep myself from blogging about every little thing, and keep my shit together, and only blog when my mind and my heart says that i got it in my hands and im not going to screw up!
and so that would mean that anything i post about, is just a very little, incomplete detail of the entire story and i almost always will sugarcoat it a million times and put it up here!
but like i said - every thing just ends with me realizing how in love i am with him and as long as that is how it ends, i like it.
So “losing weight” is like the --aim of my life-- right now. Just that its so boring oh maa gawd - and so i end up watching suits. which is soooooo niiiceeeeee omgg. And i actually love the couple there. Mike & Rachel! - oh and also its kinda funny to me idk why but whenever i see any couple onscreen that i like, my inner me kinda teases me going like “sarah, you loser!!!!!” and then i look down from the screen for a second or two like an actual loser would doo and then yeah i just “laugh it away” - like silently! ~ No hard feelings!
umm.so yeah i was saying. The main thing is losing weight and i want to lose one kg a week WHICH I AM NOT BY THE WAY. so i kind of get sad from time to time and all, and then idk get ok with it, and then sad again and alll that. and then battling myself against food is there. Today though i kind of figured out that if i watch suits while on the treadmill ill kinda stay distracted, and it wont be boring anymore and ill be able to go somewhere i guess.
so theres around 9 weeks left for uni to open and i wish vacation never ended but yeah lets just face reality. And about my brother, 6 weeks left.
So that means I wna lose around 9 kgs before uni reopens but its smart to kind of plan a bit more than you actually want so that if you dont totally achieve your goal youll still land somewhere good. if you know what i mean.
Now there is a lot i want to say. SO muchh. But I cant be fooling myself. It would obviously be for him only. So Ill just hold everything back in!!!!!!
But one thing I want the world to know
Everyone has their own problems and their own imperfection and perfections and whatever. But ever since I had my eyes on him, i knew he was different. infact that is exactly why i liked him in the first place. I dont wna go in depth with this but ill just say it in the simplest way I can.
When I was with him, yes, I did pray for a fairytale story. But not an actual one. because those dont exist. I had my own modified version of a fairytale ending. And in their, everything was not perfect. Everyone was not perfect. there was pain, there were people who didnt know what they were worth. All I ever wanted is to be the person to be ale to mend hearts, to help someone find their way out from the sufferings, to be a part of someone happiness. And even though we are not together right now. I wish the same. I just wanted it to be through me before. Now it doesnt necessarily need to be, cause it definitely will be coming from Allah both ways inshaAllah.
I pray he gets to see what I see in him. And what people see in him. And most importantly, what he sees in himself but fails to value at times.
P.S. My family is excluded from consideration in this post. when i talk about people, i mean everyone else except my family.
--ALSOOOOO-- I just randomly sat down at 5am and decided to blog today and so i sat with my laptops and this is all what flowed outta me!
A totally random post!
BUT i do wna mention how the tumblr app on my phone s.u.c.k.s. Cant give notifications properly *&^&%&^$%&%*^(0
Bye c:
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12x14 watching notes
this show normally never makes me cry except that 1 episode in season 7, but god dammit Berens got me TWICE I’m disowning him
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Expectations - it's the 14th episode of the season. (This isn't snark, have you ever gone back and looked at the 14th episode of the season since, say, oh, season 9? Talk about a winning streak you don't want to break :P)
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I woke up with a migraine which is getting worse after being up for like... half an hour... so I'm just launching straight into watching it before today is totally ruined.
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At this point from the recap I genuinely can't tell if there's a meta point to make about Dean as a killer and vampires, or you can't recap it without implying it because vampires are just that tied to Dean's identity as a hunter/killer
- or, well, that arc that Buckleming anvil'd Mary onto last episode where Ketch told her SHE was a killer.
For what it's worth, they picked 1x20 and 6x05/6x07 to use the most of instead of the sympathetic vamps from later. NOT any of the Gordon stuff visibly on screen. Missed the boat on using "see you next season" in the recap. Anyway, lots of reminders of vampires as a monster; the Twilight knock off vampires, the alpha vamp because duh but in his season 6, not 7, iteration, and of course mixed with Dean's reaction to vampires, him saying it gets funnier every time, and reminders of the time Dean WAS a vampire, to make it Dean-focused.
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I guess Ketch using the rocket launcher was so expensive they're always gonna show it and you know what if every episode for the rest of the season starts with Cas staring down that explosion I'm all for it. Anyway, reminder that they blast vampires with radiation, which I'm sure won't cause any problems this episode, and a recap of why we don't trust them.
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Season 1 Colt recapping - it's kind of terrifying to see tiny season 1 Sam n Dean on screen when you're not prepared for it at this point. It's like looking at their own children or something. John continues not existing in the narrative except for a faceless appearance of his arm handing the Colt to Dean. It's significant that vampires were the first reason to use the Colt, that John then gave it to Dean the episode after and passed on the revenge arc to him, and that Dean then used it to fulfil it. We also see Dean pointing it AT "John" in 1x22 and Sam failing to shoot Azazel in 1x21, and MARY'S repeat of of the "There's only 5 things in creation it can't kill" which blurs her, Samuel and Lucifer nicely >.>
Then of course the horror of 1x01 on screen (AAAH SMOLLEST WINCHESTERS) "You think Mom would have wanted this for us?" Sam asks, cut immediately to Mary like "Nothing comes before my family" before the only 3 lines you need from 12x13 about their argument re: Sam and Dean being a little suspicious of her and then Mary being like "hi you need to be a lot susicious of me".
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The Margikugel beer is in pride of place in this shot
"Just hear me out." "Wow... Just, wow." Oh no, there Dean goes, freezing her out like he said they had in the promo from slightly later in the episode >.>
This angle on the war room table always makes it look like a coffin.
Mary makes some defences that she's aware that the BMoL kinda suck and Sam cuts into that with "When." Mary answers with exactly what he wanted to hear which was "exactly how much has this already screwed us over" so she phrases her answer by measuring time with common era as "the lake house" which I'm pretty sure was that time travel romance with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves.
Mmmokay Dean uses "Cas almost died" against Mary and I've decided that's something I really hoped would happen but now I heard it it just feels terrible :P Like, it's weighing their stock against each other and Cas obviously outweighs Mary on found family points in almost infinite supply and now Mary's being tested not on abstract family love from blood ties, but the gritty stuff, and... yeah. Looks bad, Mary. Cas is their most treasured family for like however many years before you come back and then you get him hurt >.>
Oh and then Sam's like "a hunter died" I mean talk about the personal with Cas and Dean vs impersonal with Sam and some other perspective thing they do *all* the time. Is that like, the star example now?
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"I watch him die every night" YOu weren't even theeeere
(Also Wally was married apparently... yikes. Piling on the angst.)
"Good." Oh dear, that's the "You're dead to me" look. Mary probably shouldn't start cataloguing these looks to chide Dean about...
[title card]
[ow]
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Ooh is this like the Campbell's compound? Looks like Mary's gone dark, literally, wearing her dark beanie hat and Mary-sized version of Ketch's going around killing things suit. I wonder if they also give her fancy tailored suits for their down time. Anyway I have no idea why the BMoL have access to such a thing - you'd have to assume they have internal help here, Muggle proofing if not, or are ready to deal with the problems of randomly making an armed compound in the wilderness in America.
Or they're on a remote industrial estate in Northumberland.
TBH if they're just bribing local authorities to look the other way while creating a massive armed compound full of foreigners I wouldn't actually be that surprised.
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More random egg shaped BMoL devices. Some BMoL version of Q really has a thing for that shape. "Gonna spray paint it gold." "WHY. What about stealth?" "They ain't gonna need stealth with whatever this egg thingy does"
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Mary and Ketch both space out remembering what the gold whistling egg thingy did. Ketch looks slightly turned on. Mary looks like she's having a bit of fridge horror about what her job currently involves. It definitely feels like she's washed up in a dystopian future and I think we should be treating her POV on it like "time traveller to the far flung future where everything is awful" and not like any continuation of the world she used to know >.>
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Ah they're living in shipping containers. This is now definitely the Doctor Who vibe I got from the promo and didn't want to mention anything about because Tumblr vs Doctor Who these days, but shh I'm both nostalgic for RTD era and British, okay. It looks like those episodes where they just show up on a research base on some planet/under the sea/in space which is a bunch of shipping containers bolted together, with a high tech interior, and then shit goes down on the tiny enclosed shipping containers, with a great cast of random one off characters who usually get eaten >.>
Also this means the BMoL basically just shipped over a base and plonked it in the American wilderness and have a sort of razor wire over the fence keeping the monsters out mentality about it. They've seen just enough Doctor Who (it's a national passtime) to know what to do here, and America is all full of ikky monsters, and should definitely be treated like a hostile alien environment.
I suppose this is their "embassy" for their diplomatic mission and I am rabidly curious about how it looks to the locals, because the Campbell compound at least had that American survivalist weirdoes feel to it, where you kinda know there's a strange local family on their huge compound out of town and they all have guns but you just... don't ask questions and hope they're only waiting for the Rapture or something.
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So it turns out Ketch is a total dick. Surpriiise. I hope Serena kills him and survives the episode. "I have three phds" - she's the hyper competent one who in Doctor Who would probably end up being the only one knowing how to press some button and stay behind to save everyone and get ejected into space or something. Or be the only survivor because she's smart and the Doctor appreciates her :P I have no idea why I'm making this into Dr Who cross over territory but I'm just waiting for the other personnel here to fit some of the usual tropes.
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Mary in a tank toooop
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Surprise surprise it's Dean she's been texting and is morosely checking her phone about instead of Sam, but if she tried him, the other promo video showed that he's attempting to make peace. Winchesters, I swear. *shakes head*
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They do all look good in tank tops though
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OH NO more conversation.
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"Our whole lives, you've been GONE" Oh DEAN this is... the kind of stuff I have been expecting/wishing they'd say to Mary and it's so terrible that they CAN'T COMMUNICATE so it takes something so ridiculously messed up to make them talk about something like this.
They're FINALLY telling each other how hard it has been to deal with being back/having her back... and because they left it so long, it's all fucked up :(
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*sits here misery-eating an apple* I might have go to get the giant box of waffles downstairs and eat them if it gets any worse than "How about for once you try and be a mom!?" "I am your mother!" (so they have 2 different definitions of this - Dean wants her to ACT like it, she's using it like a title, and to HER that has all that complicated and REAL love but it's all so abstract from what Dean WANTS and AAAH) "But I am NOT just a 'mom'" And that's all I wanted out of this season but it's so painful I just wanna find the receipt and return it :P
"And you are not a child" "I never was" bonus thing I only hoped in my wildest dreams we'd get out of the season but I feel like every single Dean!girl just took a critical hit and is laying on the floor in agony...
brb finding the floor
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"between us and them" "yeah MARY it is"
oh great she's not "mom" any more with the title to Dean...
"and you made your choice"
I can't believe there's actually a scene worse than 6x20's confrontation out there like how does that even happen
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Oh Sam, sitting here watching all that while Dean speaks for the both of you :S
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But he gets up and follows Dean
"You should go" It's more neutral, not judging her per say but obviously she can't be here while Dean has told her to leave and Sam can't take her side, he can just... not intentionally cast her out.
The stuff between him and Mary is stuff from the past - the stuff from 4x03. The stuff between DEAN and Mary is his early childhood vs what's going on NOW. Sam and Mary stuff is being dealt with another way - this is the Dean part of the arc and Sam has to give up his mother for it
Argh >.>
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Well that was horrible but I really appreciate the BMoL compound set.
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"We already have the best Winchester"
uh
I have a pretty compelling argument for all 3 of the others (the third being Cas :P)
Obviously they did not see the footage of Dean in Purgatory
Or any time Sam does the shoulders thing
I mean Mary's great and all but... we've seen 12 years of Sam and Dean being incredible hunters so it's a bad argument to the audience :P
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Ketch and Mick do have an interesting dynamic, I'll give them that. Mick made Ketch kinda smile. Mick's happy at his desk job. Please let him get menaced by a vampire and scream a lot. It's all I ask for after that heartbreak. Lighthearted goofy vampire episode.
(Okay Berens is like, angst central. I think he couldn't write goofy if he tried but that's not why we love him :P)
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Anyway someone higher up wants Sam and Dean recruited - right when the whole Mary thing seems to have cut ties forever and lost all chance they'd EVER consider it since it's now the face of Betrayal and Families Being Shattered and all.
I guess 12x06 establishes that the Winchesters are semi-legendary themselves (although a very dubious look from Dean about the stories told about him) and Wally also seemed to idolise Dean in that diner scene. It's a fair chance the BMoL "Old Men" are right about this re: other hunters. Unlike Cas and his actions getting him kicked out of Heaven and losing all social standing with the angels, one way or another the Winchesters seem to have scraped by as admired figures in their community. Mom Winchester is not well-known and the Campbells lost all cred years ago after most of them were murdered by Azazel's lot and later Samuel's little group also ended up all dying and getting a lot of their hunters killed (6x07, which no one seems to remember or watch but DOES introduce alpha vamp so it's on my mind)... Not sure anyone knows them.
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Okay Sam's fucking around with the rings on the table but he's assembled them in such a way they look like a kid's toy - that one where you stack all the rings. Sam seems like he barely moved since the Mary thing, still being at the Conflict Table. Dean stormed off but now he's stormed back and this is the promo scene, so let's pay much closer attention to the words now I know the context...
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Ugh Dean not dealing. He just wants something to hit. While wearing that red shirt of his Mark of Cain murdery moments (10x10, 10x17)
What even IS Sam doing on his laptop if he isn't finding cases.
Youtube. Happy dog videos.
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"Do you want to talk about it" "Not really." *starts talking about it unprompted*
Dean's stewed on it, Sam has got all philosophical about it, once again putting his own feelings to the side to think about how Mary feels. "She must have had a good reason" Argh he's just... so good... I love him.. This episode is making me love all the Winchesters (Mary included) more than I thought possible. I am in paaain.
I'm totally gone on this family. I love them.
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"For once why don't you pick a side?" FINALLY we see what Sam was hiding on his phone - that he's been staring sadly at all the messages from Mary. Who is not saved as "mom" in his phone as she was in Dean's, right? I should go check that.
oh god she was in 12x04, when Dean was still asking if it was weird to call her mom or not
and then he called her "mary" cold as anything
*I* need a drink
(went and got chilli hot chocolate)
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Anyway yeah the trouble with telling someone to pick a side is that they may pick the one you don't want and Sam's last message from Mary was that she had urgent business to meet him, while Mary's last text to Dean was just that she wanted to talk to him in a way that was still clearly about the fight. "urgent" implies new developments, a reason to go... Does she KNOW that the BMoL want to snare her sons or is she walking into it by just wanting to reconcile?
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Sam goes to at least give the other side a chance, even if he's not picking it.
Also is he driving a rental car. It doesn't look so much like the car Soulless Sam had but it's certainly not the junkers and stolen cars and vans Sam's used before.
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Also did she just go and give Sam the address of this place??? Not even meeting at a diner or something? I suppose it is a cool set.
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Sam gives the compound a weird look like "wtf" as a sort of incidental moment when Mary references it
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Anyway ARGH Mary telling him she's working with the BMoL so that there's a world without monsters - the magical endgame where the world is totally normal (but how do you stop witches and ghosts and all the stuff that happens in a world which is not like "Our" one in the French Mistake, where no magic at all happened... you'll ALWAYS need hunters) if she doesn't want to be JUST their apple pie mom, but to be a hunter too, she's taking away her OWN way of living in an attempt to save them from their version of normal life
That Sam says he's chosen. Argh, after all that waffling about whether he wanted to, or that he was only doing it because Dean is... I think when he gets to Mary saying that, suggesting a world where it's not their life and no chance of going back... Maybe he really feels it for the first time?
(”Normal life” ignoring, of course, ghosts and the fact unless you turn off magic and delete Heaven and Hell, there will ALWAYS be shit going on... Seasons 1-2 are the "normal" baseline type of this world, minus the extra demon activity attempting to destabilise it. And Sam and Dean mostly worked on ghosts, magic, and generic monsters, in a way that these things were just a part of the background of the world. Stuff like Provenance or Bloody Mary or Asylum were cases deeply rooted in their own history and with a long story behind them before the Winchesters stumbled into them, stuff John had been keeping notes on for years without tackling it, or had collected only half the picture. Or stuff which had been out in the world and would always have surfaced and kept on killing people if hunters hadn't helped. Stuff like that, you can't stop just by obliterating all the vampires. Monsters were isolated and stuff like the wendigo *takes a shot* were the sort of thing that just sort of happens, a horrible natural phenomenon along the lines of ghosts being created...)
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I do wonder with Mary saying they can have normal lives, how much 2x20 is haunting this entire season as well, because the entire burden there that turned Dean to go save himself and go back to the shitty world where he was a hunter, was to hunt and save people. He even gave up being with Mary and Sam who was happy and with Jess and safe from the whole demon blood arc, because people had DIED. But Mary's djinn dream I think would be eerily similar to that one - one where the responsibility was off them and they could be themselves but not hunters. It's interesting to look at what she wishes - or the one that's been planted in her head, because she is echoing the "world without monsters" thing... She too has hunting in her blood and 12x06 showed that too, that she never could give it up. She's been paralleled to Dean a lot with that, and 2x20 is the episode where Dean is finally after wanting to give up all of season 2, brought to a point of decision and commits to, I guess, being a hunter for life and giving up that normal world where everyone's happy and at peace.
Same decision from season 5/6 - that "peace or freedom" talk Dean and Cas had.
Now it's Mary's turn to go through the same arc. She's going for, essentially, something we can parallel to the Archangels and their idea of paradise where everything is perfect. Dean kept talking about it being "stepford" then...
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Oh noooo she brought up Sam going to school oh noooo
Why is every line in this dang episode just pure pain
where are my goofy vampires
"You've got to understand, things are going to change" Yeah, their plans are already underway and the threat is not going to be stopped by JUST talking Mary out of helping them. Have you seen the compound?
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Uhoh Sam and Mary are walking in step. He's like... so much more leg than her
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And Mary shows Sam the control room so he can SEE that the BMoL are already deeply underway with their thing.
Since he and Dean are separated the vibes I'm getting are 9x17 (maybe because Mittens was talking about it yesterday) but because at the end of that having seen Abaddon's soul mining operation, Sam comes back and sits with Dean and is way more onboard with taking her down than before and it unites them... Not saying that will happen here (more likely it will be subverted some way) but Sam's getting a peek behind the curtain at what the bad guys are up to while Dean's off drinking and moping around (see also, 10x17 although that time Sam was actively trying to save Dean while he was drinking also we now have at least 3 episodes were Sam and Dean were separated and the main reason given was that Dean was off drinking, this is getting PAINFUL)
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"The Brits talk like they're roughing it" yeah you can't get the right fuckin' tea in America, you have to bring all your own teabags and then Americans make fun of you for it. And there aren't any jaffa cakes! What the hell!!
Sam sees Mick and is like "!!!" Mick sees him and is like "!!!" and then it's super awkward.
Yeah don't shake his hand, Sam.
"Yeah, um, I really dig the whole low budget Mission Impossible vibe, but I'm going to head back." I LOVE WHEN SAM DOES THE POP CULTURE SNARK
He's much quieter than Dean, so without him around he really gets to shine :P
Also amused at the budget comment because obviously Supernatural can not have the same budget as MI
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"Sammeh!" I love it when he does that. I guess he's stumbling in drunk. The shot of the sword to introduce us back to the Bunker was actually TERRIFYING. It also had an empty glass and whiskey decanter so I guess the bros or at least Dean have been wandering around the Bunker drinking everything/everywhere. >.>
Nice establishing shot.
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Sam's note is not in upper case something is WRONG
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Dean discovers MORE empty decanters and bottles. Wow you hit it hard. You should probably listen when Ramiel tells you you all have fucked up livers.
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I'm assuming this is like 12x01 and the Bunker is "not safe" but this time the threat is real and not a fake out that it's Cas coming home
and also Dean doen't have his mom with him :(
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Wait no apparently they knock
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Heeeey it's the other people I was expecting from the generic Dr Who cast. Geek with long hair and curly haired dude. Serena to keep them all in line. Mick as the weird sketchy boss.
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Sam is the Doctor in this scenario, FYI
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Tall and knows better than them.
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"Hello mate"
I mean at least he knocked
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I love Dean and Ketch looking each other up and down.
Also Ketch doesn't think he's as good as Mary, so tension - and not just that he wants to recruit Dean, but that Dean has to pass his opinion of whether he's good or not.
This should probably end with Dean and Ketch like, grappling each other.
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"how did you find us" "this is a Men of Letters Bunker"
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Wow Dean being bribed with rare scotch. I'm reminded both of Crowley in general and how Dean won entrance with Rufus back in 3x15
but also think that his alcoholism needs to be addressed and he should, like, chill, because I swear he just CAME from getting a drink and he's already desperate for another, enough to let Ketch in >.> Bad idea, he’s like a vampire. The regular non spn sort.
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I mean his alcoholism has been mentioned a few times, especially with the liver comment
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Awww curly haired dude is an American hunter, so there's only like, 3 Brits here.
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"Serena Coleman" - because of the twilight episode reference I'm just reminded of using the actor's names so blatantly. Serena was already dressed like whatserface played by Jenna COLEMAN as a Dr Who reference but now this? Like, I have no idea if this is just confirmation bias but I really hope someone else got such ridiculous vibes from it as me :P
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I am really quite disturbed by how many different countries they're operating in
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241 vampires in the mid west. That's REALLY not a lot when you think about it, I mean, comparing them to demographics of people. Assuming the BMoL have been wiping them out with a focused effort, still means there really aren't that many in general. I mean, back in season 1 & 2 they were recovering from being nearly hunted to extinction by hunters like Gordon and Dean spent a lot of season 10 killing vampires... I am reminded a lot of Eve talking about the natural order, about how a few of her children killed a few of the humans, and they killed a few but not ALL of them... a sort of equilibrium. And the natural order of how this world runs IS important and rarely mentioned. I've been thinking about Eve a lot in relation to this episode without knowing how to bring her into it really, but I guess this a good wedge to get her in >.>
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ACK there's only 11 vampires left
that's just scary
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*gratutious vampire flashbacks*
Oh they are so scary. I actually feel sorry for the vampires just for the fact the BMoL are so ruthlessly efficient and deal with the vampires this way, which makes you scared about how any organisation with the right resources could watch and profile in this way...
And we know the vampires can be SO much more complicated, like Lenore or Benny...
I mean they don't know about the cure, the whole case by case basis of dealing with vampires in case it IS more complex and there's still some humanity in them/can be saved from them, which the one on one process of the Winchesters treating them less like statistics has done... I mean sure the whole waiting for a trail of bodies thing isn't ideal, but... doing the job HUMANELY stands out here.
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Sam looks like he's rooting for the vampires too. :S
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Oh no, now some sympathetic vampires
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*feels sorry for them*
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Even while they're drinking human blood.
I mean I am literally in a blanket and have drunk hot chocolate to recover - she is very relatable
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ALPHA VAMP
Always got to have a dramatic entrance
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Oh dear, Dean and Ketch, savouring their drinks, the bottle in the neutral territory on the map between them. I've only watched them drink so far, and I can tell this is going to be a top 10 use of this table, ever.
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"Not much for small talk" He is when he likes you
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Ugh his face when he's talking about Toni. Ketch is not allowed to talk about women. He's disgusting and filled with hate, and this actually does make me like Toni a little better just because I resent him talking about her as a neurotic time bomb
Also Dean, I know you hate her but don't listen to this >.> Do not let him get to you a little by having a bonding moment over how awful she is. I know you are in a really dark place right now but don't make me go through this with you >.>
"We used to date" Ugh.
I actually now feel sorry for her :P
Berens: most reliable un-Buckleming-er on the show.
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Ugh, I really hate this :P I mean, for Dean, because Ketch is intentionally channelling all the worst in him. This is where 12x11 and where I was horrified about Dean as an attack dog when it was all stripped away comes back.
But he has a dual basic nature - SAVING PEOPLE, HUNTING THINGS. He was a sweet goof who loved and cared about people who were kind to him even when he had no idea between Sam or Rowena. He has a HEART. Ketch does not, but Dean has enough darkness in him to feel like he doesn't have a heart, and he's dealing with having told his mom where the door is. But he DOES have lightness in him. Ketch is like, dark side seducing him, with the whole "Inclinations" thing cluing us in it's queercoded and a seduction... This has happened to Dean before. He's wearing a red shirt he bought during the Mark of Cain crisis after CROWLEY dark side seduced him.
Of course that all involved the love triangle with Cas who represented the good side of Dean's duality for having an angel and a demon on his shoulder, and feeling the pull between them... Dean here is taking on Ketch alone and there's no pull in the other direction because Dean is isolated in the Bunker and Cas doesn't have an opposing role to the BMoL so he has no narrative tug back in the other direction, on the side of them having a HEART.
(I just watched 9x22 last night and I'm still dying about how much Dean loves Cas)
Anyway Ugh. I don't like the queercoded implications about demon!Dean that it seems more overt when he's evil and I don't particularly like that this is all Ketch "seducing" Dean to the dark by linking killing to that SO queer word "inclinations" about the both of them - I mean enough that Dean has to comment on it and wow that's a moment and a half, for the bi!Dean annuls, but UGH.
Have to stop and meta in 3 paragraphs about how Dean has a heart and isn't evil but is still queer and not because he's a killer >.>
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Jesus christ we're at the halfway point - this is like the opposite problem of a Buckleming episode. I know Berens can DESTROY me in about 2 minutes of screen time, so I'm just, like, permanently on edge.
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Anyway aside from everything else I hope Dean got to ride on the motorbike
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I mean that scene was just so harsh on Dean, with Ketch winning his way in with scotch, and then winning Dean out the door with the promise of vampires to kill that he couldn't find on his own earlier
(Big business came and stole all the work from small local businesses. They are a vampire hunting supermarket)
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Yeeeee Rufus mention.
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Aww poor terrible hunters. It's like Garth - "How are you still alive!?"
I'd say Pierce should probably be black if he's from Baton Rouge but honestly if he's meant to be a dingus, then all the good hunters are probably escaping this by bad association and we don't see a hapless idiot PoC hunter :P They're all the top shelf ones Ketch can't win over
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The ones who take pride in their work and have enough confidence in their skills to not want to go work for the big supermarket >.>
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*Dean disappointingly follows Ketch in the Impala*
They probably raced
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Checking out each other's equipment. Ketch opts to take one of Dean's knives. You know, Dean has a corrupting influence on everything he meets, I swear :P Like, Ketch was complaining it was too easy, but still just going along with his job, he meets Dean, seems to be off-assignment because he's just GONE to do it, no idea Sam wasn't even there tbh, but gets Dean, lures him out, and then Dean just has to make the old school way of hunting look cool by waving a knife around and suddenly Ketch wants in and also has a go at flipping a knife... And he's already getting “where are you??” messages from Mick. I mean, just the compulsion to meet the Winchesters on honest ground - now everything's in the open. He didn't even like them as much as Mary? But once he knows they need to be won over he goes to get at least one of them... But now he's not answering his mobile, and Dean's handed him a knife aaand
they really are being reckless by going in here alone without checking to see if something like the ALPHA VAMP isn't here
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Oh wait shit the vampires are coming to the BMoL
Maybe there really is nothing in the hotel
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Oh no there's just the sad vampire I was sorry for
Ketch don't you dare kill blanket vampire
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Okay, now Dean feels sorry for the vampires
That was a surprisingly short line to cross before Dean's like hey stop being mean to the monsters
HE HAS A HEART
I guess if we're subverting Bloodlust all you can do is make Dean not like the Gordon parallel even SOONER- in 2x03 he NEARLY fell for it... he WANTED to. He knows so much better now
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(Bennyyyy)
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This vampire looks EXACTLY like a girl I used to work with who coincidentally... was called Magda
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"Hunting... they went hunting."
"Hunting whom?"
"The hunters"
That was SUCH a good exchange. DRAMA. TENSION. SHEER TERROR ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO BELOVED CHARACTERS
This season, notable exceptions, is SO much on its A game. Almost every episode has been like, High Drama.
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Vampire tiiiime
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Sam taking chaaaarge
I love it
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Aw no don't kill the one random black guy here. :<
WHY DID THEY LEAVE ALL THESE DOORS OPEN?
Is it because sealing yourself into shipping containers sucks and is probably airless and stinky?
At least in space they wouldn't have this problem
(In a good Doctor Who episode even the random guards would have names and personalities and a decent story arc for a side character even if they get killed... In this episode the guards aren't exactly the only hired muscle to save them because there's at least 3 hunters in the building and one of them is Sam Fucking Winchester, so he'd be more likely protecting the hired muscle regardless :P Not like killing them did anything but remove characters to worry about rather than raise the threat level that would be in an episode when everyone else was nerds instead of trained killers)
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Mick's got soft hands though
All I ask is one scream of horror
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"Our intel has him in Morocco. He's been there for at least the last decade."
Sam, with barely a side glance, "Wrong."
Yeah that's been a theme all season and as far back as "Cassiel" - their intel SUCKS
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Read the Winchester Gospels
Or... don't. That actually turns you into an effective enemy
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I love when Sam's got the snarky interrogation face on. It's a fun Sam
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Mary's wearing basically Sam's red and black plaid but in a Dean way
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Oh Mick is scared
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And Sam has a headache at the stupid
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Considering there's only 3 hunters in the room they managed to scrounge up a lot of weapons.
Not enough...
"Where is it?" *significant looks* Okay, Sam's going to find out now. He's been much kinder towards Mary, obviously, even if he's still got a ton of issues and meant to leave when shit started happening, but... yeah. Is he as forgiving or at least willing enough to hear her out when THIS is revealed?
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*Mary side-glances at Sam*
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*sword in the stone moment for Sam*
Who is literally crying to have such awful history returned to him. He knows this weapon is cursed.
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I can't deal with Sam crying openly while writing the ingredients for the bullets and also the lore dump of how they make the damn things like AAH I ALWAYS WONDERED
And Mick's EYES. Like "what the fuck sort of hunters ARE these guys?"
This is what happens when you unexpectedly come across Legendary level hunters and you are all noobs
he's met the alpha, lived to tell the tale, and now is telling you how to make bullets that could kill him
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Sam Fucking Winchester
(I just wanted to say that)
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Oh the red flashy lights in the corridors is SO Doctor Who
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It occurs to me that 11x14 also was the sort of episode that mimics the tropes of one of those but this one has the aesthetic.
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I think Berens just wants to write for Doctor Who
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Pleeease, two vampires against Sam Fucking Winchester
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[slightly evil nyoooom]
Nyooooom
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Mick sounds scared while doing the incantation over the bullets. Hope it works.
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Dude, don't stand with your back to the open door
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... Amazingly that didn't take more than a second to pay off.
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Noooooo Serena
I liked her :<
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*Sam Fucking Winchester kills everything*
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Can't believe the blatant disrespect for England that the alpha vamp doesn't like us
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Actually starting to worry Mick's last episode is right here and now :P
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Aww Mary is hurt and Sam's instinct is to be all "mom!" and help her
I am so emo about this family, help.
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I am so with the alpha vamp
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I mean I will miss Mick but nah. Byeee.
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Aww nope fortunes change all at once
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*Mick legs it away from the alpha vamp and goes and stands behind all the hunters*
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"If that were true I'd be dead already" I bet the lore about the 5 things is both right and wrong at the same time - we KNOW it doesn't work on Lucifer, but I bet a ton of stuff pretends it won't work on them, and honestly Lucifer might not have been right about 5, and basically there's "recorded" like at least a dozen things it won't kill
but in this case Sam calls his bluff because the alpha vamp is still talking with the gun trained on him instead of just fighting them...
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Anyway Sam's just like, ready to throw Mick to him
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"Who said I was here to save all of us. My family and I, we kill vamps when they get outta line. And you've LET us." "I have many children, Sam. What's one, two, here or there..." "Exactly! So? Let my mom and me go. We'll walk away, go back to the way things were. To the way things are SUPPOSED to be. Hunters and vampires. Cops and robbers! A fair fight!"
!!! I LOVE SAM SO MUCH
Also that "the way things are SUPPOSED to be" is denying everything Mary said about a world without monsters, and calling back to Eve's natural order.
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Poor old Mick
Maybe he'll turn him into a vampire
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"What are you doing?"
"Picking a side"
LOVE HIM
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That was a badass montage of how Sam got a bullet in the gun
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Bye bye Alpha Vamp, Dabb tidies up another loose end and sits back smiling to himself - not a plot hole so much as the itch of “see you next season” being for nothing
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Serena nooo
All the dead people
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Oh, wait, I'm having the same moment as Mick
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Mary like "come on" to him, quite gently
aaand walk out and there's Ketch and Dean, 5 minutes late to the party.
Ketch lecturing Mick on his ivory tower and how people die...
Oh Ketch your attempt to get Dean didn't work.
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Awwww Dean was worried about Mary and Sam's deducing it because Sam's all deduce-y and stuff. When he has to deal with things on his own, he really shines. You should do more episodes alone. I've really missed you, Sam :P I feel like I haven't seen you since 11x14
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Are the Winchesters making up??
"It's not your job to make me lunch and kiss me goodnight" Help
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Aww they all made up
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Ooops and here's Ketch back being all awful and with the traitor hunter. Who's "gone rogue"
I suppose this compares to 12x06 AGAIN, where they let Bucky go because they don't kill their own, just ostracise them
but um
Still thinking about Samuel Campbell... is that ever going to come up? In this case the Winchesters seem to agree that killing this guy for selling them out to vampires is appropriate. Or, well, whatever Ketch does to him. Worse than death, maybe
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Maybe Mary would understand despite the fact it was her father >.>
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Had not considered that until after seeing this episode
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Aw Sam no, I CRIED WITH YOU TODAY.
Was Sam talking crap with the Cops n Robbers speech or did he change his mind about the status quo? He picked his side in the moment Mick helped get the bullet to him? Or? Thinks the MoL are such idiots the only way to protect Mary is to go with her?
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Dean looks kinda isolated at the end with Sam and Mary standing next to each other but he has had reason to DISLIKE Ketch after he roughed up the poor vamp girl, and he still indicates he doesn't like Mary's decision but he loves her anyway...
Kinda feel bad pointing out if he doesn't go for it (and one of them needs not to) that kinda does mean he and Cas are left alone on this side :P
Don't feel bad enough NOT to point it out and end on that note >.>
#12x14#season 12 spoilers#Berens fanclub#my stuff#SAM!!#remember in 11x14 where Sam chugged 18 cups of coffee shortly before the episode#and was this weird perky happy fun Sam who I fell madly in love with for one episode?#I'm pretty disappointed#because now he's only my 3rd favourite Sam#(1st favourite Sam is Sam in 7x14 because duh)
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alice liveblogs infinity war
we’re watching infinity war finally and I’m already mad at it or being grimdark
(spoilers I didn’t like it. also there’s some vague SU and PMMM spoilers in here because I ramble.)
like the end of Ragnarok was SO GOOD with the asgardian refugees and then they just fucking kill them all and the whole pre-credits bit was just pointless
also they pretended to kill Loki and that guy is never actually dead but it pissed me off
also I’m sad I’m so sick of Cumberbatch because I really like the idea of having a straight up wizard in your main party of superheroes
I’m glad Banner got to hug the shit outta Tony though
I really like this spider-man! I haven’t seen his movie yet but he has the goofy wisecracking that I loved about the comics as a kid DOWN
IRON MAN SPIDER SUIT?
why does tony stark have a samsung POS for a phone
and the Guardians show up and the mood immediately lightens; I am SO GRATEFUL TO THEM AND OH MAN MANTIS IS HERE I LOVE HER
HI THOR
your last movie was way better than this one
drax has the hugest boner for thor and I do not blame him but I would understand it a little more if he still had his luscious hair
THE FAMILY FUCK UPPERY COMPETITION I THOUGHT THAT WAS A TUMBLR JOKE
“all words are made up”ilu thor
okay who tf is this now in the fancy apartment with a glowy thing in his head am I supposed to know this????? THAT’S FUCKING VISION???????
also is that scarlet witch with him? I should probably point out that I watched Civil War once and I did not pay much attention because it was annoying the shit out of me
yep that’s scarlet witch here come her glowy things
designated girl fight time ughhhh
oH MY GOD STEVE ROGERS SHAVE THAT BEARD OFF RIGHT NOW nat what did you do to your hair did the director decide there could only be one ginger woman
oh I’m glad they got an excuse to reuse those awesome monster designs from the first Avengers flick in this flashback with baby Gamora
okay though I know they probably did it to make him look more like the comics but I cannot take Thanos seriously with that fucking CHIN he is committing hideous atrocities and now I am just annoyed and my immersion is broken
it is so obvious Gamora knows where the last stone is that I genuinely hope the secret is actually something else
...drax. why. stop eating. mantis you have saved me from that terrible joke I love you.
at this point it’s making me genuinely sad that I’ve been spoilered about the dust thing. like. I know he’s gonna get everything? I know he’s gonna ~win~ and oh my god drax fucking stop
THANK YOU MANTIS YOU HAVE RESCUED ME THIS DAY
FUCK YEAH GAMORA ABUSIVE DAD STABBING
oh jesus the blocks of clay/strips of paper effect is freaky as shit
jesus jesus this whole scene is freaking the shit out of me god ugh why there is no genuine point to dragging this scene out it’s just Suffering there are times in my life where I would be okay with it but Ugh
it genuinely took me a few seconds of Weird Romantic Music for me to remember they paired nat and bruce off in that one movie that was some weird shit can we just move on
YOOO IT’S WAKANDA TIME
...that was disappointingly brief
okay there is way too much torture in this movie. that’s the issue. physical emotional et cetera too much torture
I love spider-man though he’s a good boy
strange and tony are both the exact kind of arrogant asshole that you’re supposed to identify with but instead just annoys the shit out of me and spider-man is this scene’s only saving grace
okay this new philosophy for Thanos since they can’t have him being in love with Death bc that would lead to Deadpool issues... it’s very... Kyuubey.
FUCK NO NEBULA SHIT BABY I LOVE HER AND THIS IS BULLSHIT I’M SO MAD JESUS THIS WHOLE FILM IS ABOUT TORTURE AND I HATE ITjesus jesus nope nope stop nope this is bullshit fuck
thor speaks groot and I am relieved but I miss movies where the default was thor speaking groot and there were only occasional dips into misery
why is thor trying to get a new hammer there was a whole deal in his last film about how he doesn’t need the hammer AND A ROBOT EYE? so they’re just gonna tear apart all the symbols of his character development? whyyyyyyyyy
groot put down your fucking ds
...is that peter dinklage as a giant I kind of love that
I’m glad Nebula pulled herself together I love herrrrrrr
they’re on a planet called Titan!! GAAANEYMEDE AND TITAN, YESSIR I’VE BEEN AROUUUUND... BUT THERE AIN’T NO PLACE IN THE WHOLE OF SPAAAAAACE... LIKE THAT GOOD OLD TITAN TOWN
“you’ll have to restart the forge... awaken the heart of a dying star” okay so it’s a side quest
mantis is bouncing around I love her
did Peter just adopt Peter as an uncle
...is that red fucking skull? like from hydra? why is there a nazi in space
the stone demands a sacrifice UGHHHHH this is DUMB this movie has no idea what genre it is so it’s just taking the superficial cliches from every one it finds
ughhHHHHHH and it’s gonna count her as ~someone he loves~ even though he’s just been a dickwad fucker who’s tortured her her whole life THAT ISN’T LOVE ASSHOLES ughhhhh fucking shit also attempted suicide on screen definitely did not make my night any better fuck this fuck this fuck this movie with a bread knife STOP HAVING DRAMATIC SHOTS OF HIM CRYING THIS IS BULLSHIT.
oh and now he’s floating in the void. on a cloud. in a pond. great. I don’t care.
wait all that and it’s not even the big stone for the back of the hand???? it’s a lil knuckle one???
rhodey just pranked the shit out of bruce and the mood whiplash is killing me
I fucking love shuri okay every second we are in wakanda is a gift and a relief from the rest of the movie
...explosions. of course.
“and get this man a shield” FUCK YES
I would like to interrupt this to point out that my cat is a perfect loaf on the floor and I love him
...suddenly there are monster hordes? where did they even come from? I mean out of the ships obviously but this is fucking stupid
oh my god all the wakandans with their badass ranged spear technology and then bucky is just standing there with a fucking gatling gun
black panther is a badass and I appreciate action sequences when they’re well done but this is not tied together enough for me to be invested I guess?
okay but there is legit zero explanation for why thor isn’t dying in the heat of the star? like. he just Decided Not To Die??? like. I would be fine if he was like “I have expanded my powers since I moved past my hammer, I think I can take it” or whatever but they just decided to have him be like “IT’LL ONLY KILL ME IF I DIE” which is just. dumb.
ohhhh so they’re resurrecting him with the axe. which is not a thing we ever said the axe could do. okay. okay sure. sure. fine.
groot handle is badass but there’s been so much torture and self harm in this movie that having him whack his own arm off just is not fun even if he regrew it immediately
I’m glad thor is glowing again though.
ughhhhh thanos’s philosophy is so dumb I’m so done with hearing it YES DROP THE BUILDING LAPIS LAZULI THIS SHIT awwww he just got back up again I mean I guess BD did too DID DRAX JUST FUCKING HAMSTRING HIM
don’t you dare call him an insect arachnids aren’t insects ya purple dingus
NEBULAAAAAAAAAAA
they look like they’re gonna succeed but it’s too early in the movie and I want them to succeed right now so this movie will be over but also bc whatever they do to get him out of this will feel dumb
“he is in anguish” I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.
DO NOT ENGAGE DO NOT ENGAGE SHIT
ughhhhHHHHHHH. GAMORA WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED YOU TO FUCK OVER THE OPERATION LIKE THIS. GODDAMNIT.
...any tree can drop an apple, he’s gonna drop the freakin’ moon?
BUCKY SPINNING WITH ROCKET IS HILARIOUS I LOVE IT also thor and cap’s moment of banter see THAT is what I like about these movies when they’re done well
scarlet witch is OP as fuck and I love her
designated girl fight x4????? we can mix it up a little okay????
bruce arguing with hulk is somehow relatable???
I love spidey’s robo legs tbh they’re super fun HE CAN’T REMEMBER NAMES FUCKIN RELATABLE
okay yes I still love having a wizard in the party I just wish it wasn’t THIS guy
did you just fucking stab tony that’s bullshit
“spare his life and I will give you the stone” WHY THAT IS A SHITTY DEAL TO MAKE HE’S ALREADY DYING ANYWAY this is a trick, right?
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
vision’s thanos-sense is tingling and I wanna go to bed like screw this
put some fucking sleeves on you big grape flavoured asshole
do we even know why Wanda’s energy is the only one that can destroy the stone? Was that explained and I missed it?
YO SHE BROKE THE THING
“I understand, my child... better than anyone” NO YOU DON’T ASSHOLE YOU KILLED THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN MANIPULATING AND HARMING HER WHOLE FUCKING LIFE FUCK YOU
...he just undid it with the time powers THAT’S CHEAP AS FUCK ughhhhhhhhh also he just put that narrow oval gem into a nearly circular and much larger setting so fuck that
FUCK YEA THOR ugh this isn’t gonna stick is it ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
is that baby gamora UGHHHH “what did it cost?” “everything” I DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING FAUX-SENTIMENTAL YOU SAY
and it’s time for the dusties. I got spoiled this happened but I don’t know who all it happened to
fuck this though
genuinely so pissed STOP TAKING THE BEST ONES NO NOT SPIDEY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCJ YOU FUCL UOI
fuck this entire fucking movie
ughhhhh and I really like the actor who plays Thanos he’s awesome in everything else I’ve seen him in but this entire movie was like. there was no point? they shoved so many people into one place that there were just sidequests instead of a plot. I want to go to bed tbh. Maybe I will be able to articulate my irritation later but UGHHHH.
#I'm not even proofreading this I'm just gonna post it and go to bed#pd alice talks#I mean I'm still waiting for a post credits scene but I have low hopes#or no hopes tbh#I mean it'll probably be there but I will be disappointed#yeah okay that came and went#okay this is enough spacer tags right#mcu#marvel#movies
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