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pyjamaart · 24 days

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I never needed such help / This is my SOS

(Content warning: self harm) (If you don't have a problem with that, huge Drillman essay under the read more lol)

When I said that I wanted to draw Drillman some more, this really wasn't what I had in mind.

This week, I've been shopping for music on various second hand sites, which made me realize I don't physically own one of my all time favorite albums: "Squaring The Circle" by Sneaker Pimps. I had to change that immediately. (As well as buying like 15 other CDs and vinyls, lol.) As I was listening to it once again, I realized just how much the song "SOS" reminded me of Drillman and his struggles.

If you don't want to look it up, here are some of the lyrics:

"I look much smaller seen from inside out/Far too small to see myself/Down on reflection, cast in hate and in doubt/Flawed and flaws I add myself"

"Oh mirror mirror hanging on the wall/Please just show me someone else/My hopes were low and I got so much so less/Nothing left to save myself"

Listen, this dude got some major problems with his self esteem. He feels like an embarrassment because he was forced into a life he never wanted by his father. Now he seeks revenge on the company that bought his families business, along with him and apparently his bodily autonomy. Think about that for a minute. How fucked would it be if your parents wanted you to be a doctor, but a requirement for that would be to have your hand surgically removed and replaced with a scalpel. That's the exact situation Drillman found himself in.

Now a lot of people probably think "Well why doesn't he just ask Dr. Light to give him a new pair of hands then, if he's this miserable?" This is where we get to one of Drillmans biggest problems: the refusal to ask for help in any way. And even after the finale of the season, why would he go to the Lights for help in the first place? Wasn't it Aki who thought the best way to help him through his problems was hypnotism? And in the process embarrassing him in front of the whole city, ruining the last bit of reputation he may have had? (For real though, that episode is so hard for me to watch. I just feel so so bad for him, since I really struggle with social anxiety myself.)

As the guys from the Youtube channel "The D-Pad" (who reviewed all of the MMFC episodes) fittingly commented: "This would be like fucking Vietnam for him." And they were right. Obviously, Drillman is horrified that Aki would humiliate him like this and lashes out, solidifying his opinion that asking for help is a bad idea.

In that episode, there's this one moment that really stuck with me. At around the 8 minute mark, while Drillman is having a breakdown over the terrible "music" Aki made him perform, there's this one shot where he takes a moment to look at the drills that replaced his hands in frustration. The camera perspective makes it seem as if we are experiencing this brief scene through his eyes. It's actually quite upsetting. (A link to the moment I'm talking about: youtu.be/OC_jdhoeTrE?si=ZPzAXu…)

This is also a perfect moment for me to gush over the voice acting for this scene. Andrew McNee did such a fantastic job of conveying Drillmans distress and anger through his voice. That reminds me, giving him a British accent was honestly such a good decision.

The reason he doesn't talk at all throughout most of his first appearance is probably because the writers wanted to surprise their audience a little. As in, you see this big, imposing construction robot and think "Oh man, what a brute. He probably has a pretty deep voice." And then he actually starts to speak and it's this sophisticated, well-articulated British voice instead. Quite the whiplash.

To get back to the original topic, I'm honestly still upset that they didn't give Drillman a redemption arc at the end of the show. This probably would have happened in season 2, as Mega Man even says at some point "I know deep down your inner bits are good", proving to me that the writers definitely had something in mind regarding Drillmans character arc.

And now that all of that is out of the way, we can finally get into headcanon territory.

You might have seen this image while browsing the tags and asked yourself, "Why is this Mega Man Fully Charged artwork littered with content warnings?" And well, now that you're here and reading this, you probably know why. I can't say I've ever made myself sick with a drawing before. That's a first for me.

My headcanon is, that after the finale of the show, Drillman is just utterly lost. Lord Obsidian, who sought him out specifically because he knew of Drillmans problems and offered him a place to stay and a way to get revenge on the people he thought responsible for his predicament, turned out to be a horribly racist human who was just using him to achieve his own devious goals. After getting his ass kicked by the Lights, the same people who had not only humiliated him in front of the whole city, but who had also left him stuck to his abusive father for an entire day (I bet that ride to the police station was horrible for all the people involved, most of all the police bots who had to hear the Drillmen yell at each other the whole time), Sgt. Night is detained by the police. We don't actually see what happens after that, because that's where the show ends.

I'd like to think that the Lights actually try to talk to the robot masters once everything is over, telling them all the horrible things their so-called "leader" has said and done. And most importantly, what he thinks of robots: That they're nothing but tools to him. That once they had gotten him his Mega key, he would have wiped their minds and turned them into mindless machines.

I'm guessing none of the robot masters would take these news well, but most of all Drillman. I think that after he ran away from Skyraisers Inc. and fought Mega Man for the first time, he was really relieved to have some place to stay and a new goal, maybe even a robot to look up to. That being Lord Obsidian of course. Who knows what lies he told Drillman and the others? Kinda sad that we never really got to see what the robot masters who stayed with Lord Obsidian did the entire day. When they weren't causing havoc in the city, that is.

None of them seemed really friendly with each other in the finale, now that I think about it. I guess "Obsidians robot sanctuary" wasn't really a great place to stay at after all. But still better than being homeless, like that one maniac living in the forest all by himself. Speaking of Woodman, in my AU, he and Drillman already knew each other at this point. This also reminds me of something I forgot to mention in my last post. While I'd love to see them interact in any way, because they're both my favorite characters, I don't ship them in any way whatsoever. I'd also like to think that Woodman and Drillmans father were schoolmates back in the day, maybe even friends? (I'm still holding onto those 30 years).

Anyway, after all the former robot comrades part ways, now without a leader, what was Drillman supposed to do? Once again betrayed by a trusted figure, feeling useless and without purpose, still with these stupid drills mounted to his body... Still too ashamed to ask for help. After all that has happened in the past few hours he begins spiraling, which ultimately leads him to make a very unfortunate decision. Trying to get at least some of the freedom in his life back, he attempts to get rid of the drills making up his body on his own, using the same tools that have haunted him all this time to finally rid himself of this burden.

He regrets this just seconds after, when he's left with an unresponsive limb, metal and wires exposed and oil splattered all over his orange plating. All he can do is stare at the stained drill in front of him in horror.

"I never needed such help/This is my SOS"

Jesus Christ that got dark. Sorry. I mentioned in my last post that Drillman possibly has really bad body dysmorphia, which I'm also trying to convey here. Don't worry, he really gets his hands back after this. Maybe the Lights find him after that and the good Doctor offers to fix him up. By which I mean not only his arm. Because apparently, Dr. Light also doubles as robot psychologist. I just really need Drillman to get his happy ending. He really really deserves it after everything he had to go trough over the course of the show.

I also need him to have a DJing redemption, besides the normal redemption. I've seen people headcanon that he exclusively likes classical music, but I personally don't believe that. He'd be the kind of music nerd who would say stuff like "I listen to everything" and then you look at his playlists and he actually listens to everything. Maybe not experimental noise rock, though. I can just imagine Aki and Suna helping him put on an actual show, this time without any hypnotizing bullshit, as a way for Aki to apologize for the dread he's caused Drillman during that incident. Drillman would be highly suspicious at first, but actually goes along with it in the end. Maybe they'd also take Fireman along, who Dr. Light also blessed with a brand new pair of hands. The punchline at the end would be that Drillman would have so much anxiety about embarrassing himself again, that he forgets to make an actual set list for the gig. In the end, he exclusively plays Lady Gaga songs, which no one complains about.

Alright then, enough yapping from me. I've really been writing this essay since 8pm. And now it's 2am. My god. I just have a lot of feelings about Drillman.

But now I really gotta go to bed. Stay safe peeps. I hope you actually read the content warnings. Jenny out.

#oh man i would like to formally apologize for this #just throwing my favorite blorbo into the shredder over here #if anyone needs me to add any other content or trigger warnings please please tell me i really dont wanna upset anyone with this #megaman #mega man #mega man fully charged #mmfc #drillman #drill man #self harm tw #its robot sh but juuuust in case yknow #robot gore tw

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jmdbjk · 1 year

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Face-off

YOONGIIIIII!!!! (doing my best JK imitation)

More about Yoongi next but right now...

I can't get Face-Off, off my mind. Jimin reinforced to us that this album was about things he was feeling and going through so naturally that colored how I interpreted the lyrics and tone of the songs on my first listen. This is what I wrote back on March 25 about it:

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. ... Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know… just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic.

After several weeks now, after being exposed to even more promotional content and interviews and everyone else's take on the songs and album, I can't get the multiple layers of interpretation out of my head.

In one of his interviews, he said the carnival music at the beginning of Face-Off was just something he thought would be interesting. But you could also think of it as the beginning of his self-awareness... his sudden epiphany of his situation and mocking himself as a clown when he was living like a fool.

I originally felt all of the lyrics of the song were directed at himself, he was talking about betraying himself, but was it really friends or people he trusted who betrayed him?

However you want to think about the source of the betrayal, he realizes he had been a fool to trust, the song conveys an overwhelming humiliating feeling of betrayal. He was angry and hurt. And he lashed out.

We know Jimin is a deeply feeling person, so how do you escape the deep anxiety of humiliation, anger and shame? How does he erase the thought that he was too blind to see someone taking advantage of him?

He turned to drinking? He didn't want to be sober. Kill the emotions. Similar to the lyric in Like Crazy: "emotions on ice."

It seems like there was a specific day that was the climax of this betrayal... "a beautiful night" where he finds himself or maybe in other words, reaches a turning point where he can control all the turmoil, feels relief.

"Even though you test me...even though you kill me... even if you stab me more" are highly vicious and violent expressions. A determination to survive no matter how much it hurts. Could be talking to himself, his inner demons, or could be speaking about these people who betrayed him... or could be talking about haters in general.

Whatever this deeply emotional event was for him... that he wrote a song about ... I believe it impacted him in a way that significantly shapes who he is now.

The more I dwell on the lyrics, the more I think about how awful that moment in time must have been for him.

All that being said, multiple interpretations of this song live in my head simultaneously as I listen to it. For me, there is no black and white to what the song means. The meanings and interpretations flow back and forth. He created a great song with strongly emotional lyrics and I'm very proud of him.

#jimin face #jimin face-off #just needed to say a few more words about face-off #we move on so fast these days #i need to marinate in FACE for a while longer #but YOONGI OMFG!#did i mention yet i'm going to see yoongi?

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sheikitoff · 5 months

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ocarina of time as fearless

If you're not deeply versed in Swiftian Lore, you probably think this was her first album, and understandably so. It's the album that Love Story and You Belong With Me are on, the album she first one the aoty grammy for, the album that gave rise to That VMA Incident- in other words, although it's her sophmore album, it's the one that broke out of the country music charts and into the Pop Sphere. Even if you've never listened to the album, you know it, at least to some degree. (Sound familiar?)

Yes, I've been trying to avoid making these analyses about the meta status of these works in pop culture, and instead about the contents and themes of the works themselves, but it's hard to talk about Ocarina without acknowledging its colossal footprint on games as a medium. While Fearless wasn't quite as pioneering as, say, inventing lock-on targeting, it did have a massive impact on the music industry, not only from a commercial perspective (revitalizing the country music market from its death throes), but from an important artistic perspective: she was a teenage girl who wrote her own songs, and in the last few years we've been seeing how significant an impact that had in the number of young female songwriters who cite Swift and this album as what made them realize they, too, could pick up a guitar and write their own stories.

(Also, this album includes the lyric "I don't know how it gets better than this", which is exactly what everyone said when Ocarina first came out xD )

Okay, onto the real analysis!

Fearless is an album about growing up, and reconciling the idealized vision of adulthood (or late adolescence) you've dreamed of all your life - the pastiche made up of images from teen movies and tv and magazines - with the uncomfortable and often disappointing reality you find upon your arrival. it's about making a beeline for adulthood and then looking back and wishing you could tell your younger self to stop and breathe (literally - there's a lyric on the album that goes "count to ten, take it in / this is life before you know who you're gonna be"). OOT is also, obviously and devastatingly, about growing up, and specifically about wanting to grow up and then getting there and realizing it's nothing like you thought it would be, and it cost you something you can never get back.

Fearless starts out with the title track, an ode to the excitement at the beginning of a first relationship, the siren call of young love; the whole world is wide open before you, and even the most mundane of things ("there's something 'bout the way / the street looks when it's just rained / there's a glow off the pavement) can seem magical. you want to bask in the moment and to hightail it to happily ever after all at once. taylor describes this feeling as "fearless", and one of the examples she gives of this fearlessness is "with you i'd dance / in a storm, in my best dress / fearless". it's kind of a perfect encapsulation of the exact brand of fearlessness that comes with youth: you can be that fearless in large part because you don't yet know what there is to fear out there. there are much scarier things in adult life and relationships than ruining your clothes in a storm, and there are much scarier things in hyrule than the stalchildren in hyrule field at night; and by the end of their respective album and game, both taylor and link will have learned that, however much they might wish they could go back to a time they'd not yet had to learn those lessons.

one of the oft-discussed kind of metanarrative features of OOT is that kids spend the opening section desperate to reach Adult Link. You'll hear people (mostly younger people, and people who haven't played since they were much younger) talk about the jump to Adult Link as "where the game really starts", or something along those lines. It's kind of trite to even point out how well this maps onto being a kid who can't wait to grow up, who sees adulthood as "when life really starts", and how central the difference between a child and adult's perspective on childhood is to the game and its themes. everyone somersaults and sidesteps across hyrule field as they try to book it to hyrule castle, and yeah, part of that is because hyrule field is so damn big and empty, but it makes for a nice little microcosm of what OOT is saying about growing up, as you hightail towards a destination you might not like once you get there.

even amidst the lows of growing up, there are always highs, too; both fearless and OOT let you bask in moments of triumph. there's a reason "love story" and "you belong with me" are still hailed among the best of pop music (fittingly enough, the former sees Taylor "sneak out to the garden to see you", just like Link sneaks into the castle garden to meet with Zelda; yes, I've been giggling about that since it occured to me.) but you can't freeze time in one, perfect moment, and even the cutesiest love songs start to develop a bit of a sad undertone: "hey stephen, why are people always leaving? / i think you and i should stay the same." while link's big "coming of age" moment obviously happens when he blinks and finds himself seven years older, his actual coming of age story starts at the very beginning of the game, as the darkness of the larger world encroaches on the idyllic kokori forest, poisoning and killing the deku tree; and in his child link travels, he encounters more of this darkness, be it darunia's depression or princess ruta’s deceased mother. notably, the darkest dungeon (pun not intended) of the whole game can only be accessed by child link. it's also likely the last extended bit of time you'll spend as child link in this game; some things you can't come back from knowing.

fearless charts a number of losses that come with growing up. on “white horse”, taylor laments the loss of the fantasies that come with childhood naïveté (“now i know / that i’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale”). this bears some similarity to the transition between acts one and two of OOT, as link and zelda’s grand plan to save the kingdom crashes down around them and they discover they’ve been outwitted since the very start; they fail, something stories and prophecies never prepared them for, and the consequences are more horrifying than they could have imagined (hyrule castle town post-time jump, anyone?) another fearless track, “breathe”, mourns the end of a friendship - not because you moved away or changed schools and lost touch, as with countless childhood friendships, but because the people you’ve grown into are just too different. it’s one of the less common elements of coming of age narratives, but one of the most heartbreaking parts of growing up: “never a clean break, no one here to save me / you’re the only thing i know like the back of my hand”. while link doesn’t lose a friend quite in the same way, there’s a similar kind of heartache in his friendship with saria, both in the realization that she hasn’t grown up and never will, and the discovery that they both have destinies that lead them apart, and must say goodbye.

“tell me why” and “you’re not sorry” both document the loss of blind trust, from a place of anger and of sadness respectively; then “the way i loved you” and “forever & always” each grapple with memories, how they can hold you back and how they can betray you. the former sees taylor unable to emotionally invest in a new relationship because of the intensity of a former one, which she misses in spite of herself: “my heart's not breaking /

'cause I'm not feeling anything at all.” in the latter, taylor is dismayed and angry to find that promises she and her partner made to each other meant less to him than they did to her. what’s particularly interesting about the latter song with regards to OOT is how it frames an emotional imbalance in a relationship in terms of memory: “back up, baby, back up / did you forget everything?” one of the most horrifying implications of everything link goes through in OOT is that, at the end, no one remembers but him, and none of the people he forged friendships with have any recollection of it at all; even navi leaves him. so much of OOT maps onto real parts of growing up, albeit in a fantastical and exaggerated fashion, and this has always evoked to me the experience of learning that someone you cherish your memories of doesn’t feel the same way, or remember nearly as much of your time together in childhood.

as we can see, the second half of the album is pretty much all sad or angry, until the very last two songs, but even those have caveats. "the best day" is a heartwarming tribute to her mother, but with a bittersweet twinge, as her recollections go from her mother taking her to a pumpkin patch to her mother consoling her as she cries about school bullies, and while her mother manages to cheer her up, taylor still notes that she “don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay”; growing up means your problems aren’t as easily fixable, and your hurts last much longer. the final song, change, takes the inevitability of change, responsible for so much of the heartbreak throughout the album, and frames it as a source of hope, that if things can change, they will change again. it’s an anthem against giving up, but the song is premised on being stuck in a present that makes you want to give up (“you know it's all the same, another time and place / repeating history and you're getting sick of it”). in the final verse of the song, taylor goes from future tense (“these things will change”) to past tense (“it was the night things changed”). the music quiets down, and then the instruments kick back in more triumphant than ever (cue OOT end credits.) and yet the triumph here doesn’t hold a candle to the highs of “love story” and “you belong with me”. it’s the end of the album, and yet there’s less resolution here than there is on earlier tracks. real life doesn’t really have happily ever afters, not because happiness doesn’t exist but because life carries on where a movie would roll credits; all we can look forward to is the inexorable approach of change.

#ocarina of time #oot #taylor swift #fearless #zelda #legend of zelda

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andmaybegayer · 5 months

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Last Monday of the Week 2023-12-11

la baguette, etc.

EDIT: god damn this got longer than I expected

Listening: I almost exclusively listened to Against Me! during this trip for some reason. On Saturday night my metro got interrupted and I got kicked out a few kilometers from my hotel, and after watching a couple full busses skip my stop, I just walked back. I put on Black Crosses for the first time, which is a combination of demos and acoustic versions of the songs from White Crosses which is probably one of my favourite punk albums.

I can't listen to some of Against Me! without having a good bad time because of Memories but I do not have that issue with White Crosses. As far as the demo/acoustic versions go, they are much lighter than the mainline releases which is bad if you want something energetic but good if you kind of want to soak in the lyrics.

There's a lot of great ones on Black Crosses including the obvious ones like Spanish Moss and The Western World but the one that really got me while walking back was the acoustic version of Because of the Shame which is positively heartbreaking when given space like this.

Reading: I fell down a rabbit hole on delta-sigma conversion while doing simultaneous reading up on 32-bit float audio and what the hell DSD is. I will reverse explanations.

Delta-Sigma is a collection of techniques used, roughly, to convert between high-sample-rate, low-bit-depth data and low-sample-rate, high-bit-depth data. A delta-sigma audio analogue-digital converter might sample a low-pass-filtered version of incoming signal at 6MHz and 1-2 bits and use that to reconstruct a 16-bit 44kHz version of the signal. Thanks to nyquist and other various equivalences this works with basically zero quantization error if you chose your filters right.

I was familiar with this from class-D amplifiers, which are effectively delta-sigma digital-analogue conversion, which reproduces a low-frequency analogue signal by feeding a pulse-density encoded chain into an amplifier and a low pass filter.

Anyway, DSD is a silly audiophile brand name for an audio codec that stores the 1-bit pulse encoded form of an audio signal rather than storing traditional PCM audio. Fundamentally if your hardware is correct there's basically no difference in information content or density between them.

This led me to these two good articles on dithering and delta-sigma architecture, among others.

Watching: I stumbled across this ongoing good series on YouTube a few weeks ago discussing trends in marketing movies as being "no CGI" when they are absolutely the fuck not. The second part just came out, but here's part 1:

youtube

"No CGI" is always a ridiculous claim in basically any modern movie, but this is a really good breakdown of how a combination of irresponsible journalism and intentionally poor communication creates the impression that tons of incredibly effects heavy movies are actually "free of CGI".

Treating computer graphics and effects as some kind of scourge is a misled reflex. It reminds me a lot of backlash against pitch correction, because in most cases people do not realize how much pitch correction is used in basically all music you hear. Big artists playing live performances are even pitch corrected in real time these days.

It's just part of the business, and in a very parallel way, people expect the output of CGI/pitch correction even if they don't know that. If P!nk were to go out on stage and sing her music without pitch correction you'd hear the effects of her ridiculously energetic acts, and people would bitch about it because as evidenced by people who describe good sounding music systems as feeling "like live music", people don't know what live music sounds like! Live music sounds like crap compared to studio production, you're there to inhale six different kinds of cigarette and get hit in the chest by a drunk girl who isn't paying attention to where she's going.

Wow I have a lot of opinions about how people don't realize how much production is in things. This should probably be a post. Later. Hey this is like guys who talk about "no makeup" look-*I AM YANKED OFFSTAGE WITH A COMICALLY OVERSIZED SHEPHERD'S CROOK*.

Playing: Nothing really! Dark Souls stalled not because I'm stuck but because I was doing other things. Making block took up a lot of time.

Making: Hacked together a very basic proof of concept for inserting my own controller into an LED string. As encouraged by definitely unbiased user @compiler-specific I am going to try and write my own DSL for this, which will probably end up resembling a lisp just because that simplifies my life.

Also almost done with hambanner, an IRC ban management bot. I would have finished that if I was not. In Paris. over the weekend. Hopefully this week.

Tools and Equipment: Sometimes you will find that your phone is dead and you need to find your way back to your hotel in a bizzarely convoluted part of La Défense late at night. And at this time you will be grateful that you took the time to orient yourself relative to local streets and the river and the metro station so that you do not have to find a corner to charge your phone and can instead just get back to your hotel. It could happen to you.

#last monday of the week #Bandcamp #Youtube

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miashyperfixations · 4 months

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HONEY REVENGE

07.12.2023 @ Camden Assembly, London (220 Capacity)

Written Dec 2023

I started listening to Honey Revenge at the start of 2023, caught in the promo of their single ‘rerun’ & after seeing other artists I follow repost their content, I went back to listen to their discography & was hooked. Their debut album ‘Retrovision’ is one of my favourites of 2023 and all time (see review here). They never fail to miss with banger after banger - not just at first listen but the songwriting & production is amazing too. Naturally, as soon as this show was announced, tickets were bought. The band itself is made up of Devin on vocals and Donny on guitar, but are accompanied by their touring members, Tay Kincaid (bass) & Matt Arsenault (drums). They have played numerous tours this year alongside The Home Team & Broadside, Loveless, Finish Ticket & Arrows In Action. a US headline tour in the fall, and now The Home Team & The Used, here in the UK, with plans to open for Meet Me @ The Altar across the United States in the new year.

The fist opener was a rock band hailing from Leicester called Mouth Culture, taking inspiration from a range of musicians from Bring Me The Horizon to The 1975 to Harry Styles. THeir music is a mashup of all genres with a distinct heavy, edgy vibe. The second openers were a Scottish band called happydaze who are label buddies with Honey Revenge (Thriller Records). Their set was much heavier and had everyone hyped up for Honey Revenge’s set afterwards with heavy rock tunes that have a clear pop influence.

Seeing my favourite songs live was an unreal experience. I’ve been a fan of this amazing band for so long now and with all their concert content online, it’s safe to say that my expectations were high. But that didn’t matter because they were blown out of the park anyway. Due to the fact that this was a headline show, they were able to play every single song in their discography with no breaks, meaning that everyone in the crowd was able to hear their favourite Honey Revenge song. I never realized until I listened to the retrovision album in full, but Devin’s vocals are phenomenal and being able to sing so many belters back to back AFTER having rushed through London from an opening set down the road to this headlining gig is a real show of her talent - I know many of today’s new up-and-coming singers wouldn’t have been able even think about it, let alone actually doing it. Based on where we were in the crowd Ami & I watched both Donny & Devin kill it in real time and it was clear that everyone in the room enjoyed themselves the entire night.

Having come directly from their show with The Used, the band came on after happydaze had packed up their stuff and with Camden Assembly being such a small venue, the entire crowd was able to see them set up their equipment. Not just the drumkit and guitars, but the pedalboards, multicores & mic stands too - everything. Being a sound engineering student, I loved seeing this with a different lens than most people in the crowd, watching the team set up as quickly as possible just like how I’ve been doing in college with my classmates tells me I’m not too far from a professional standard within the industry and I can’t wait to be doing just that someday. Security was pretty tight at the venue (as one would expect in London). I wasn’t able to meet the band after the show due to me being underage and the band wasn’t able to come out of the bar but Ami was able to go in and get them to sign my ‘are you impressed?’ postcard & their CD lyric booklet that I had bought with me, so all was not lost and I was still able to buy a t-shirt from their tour manager, Em.

It's rarely heard of for a band like Honey Revenge to be able to come and do an international tour (even if it's as a support act) within their first year of touring. To be able to do a show as a headliner is unheard of outside of viral success and them being able to both so just proves that they’re here to stay and take over the music industry. Camden Assembly is an iconic venue with multiple star acts of the music scene such as Ed Sheeran, The Strokes & Adele starting out there and to be able to see my favourite band was a perfect close to the year.

#music #music producer #music production #concert #live music #guitar #drums #pop music #pop rock #indie rock #punk rock #alternative rock #new wave #honey revenge #california

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phenomenologically · 24 days

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As "Ameriican Requiem" opens with gospel-inspired elegance, the melody will quickly switch into -- what will become -- Cowboy Carter's signature acoustic twang. As the melody turns with synth sparkle, you realize Beyoncé has provided us her new 'pledge of allegiance': "For things to stay the same, they need to change again." Amen!

The gospel -- in terms of scripture, rather than musicality -- captures my attention here. Perhaps I've been listening to too much old-school blues, but Cowboy Carter's biblical references provide through-lines to the heart of Southern Black country and blues music. This isn't to say that this is Beyoncé's first time bringing God into her lyrics; but rather, the spiritual exclamations and jubilations of Cowboy Carter seem more fully realized when married with the sounds of blues' forebearers like Blind Joe Taggart ("God's Gonna Separate the Wheat from the Tares); Sister Rosetta Tharpe ("Precious Lord, Take My Hand"); and Arizona Dranes ("My Soul is a Witness"). These parallels can be drawn through acoustics, through the embellished runs Beyoncé uses to emphasize milestones within her songs' narratives (think of the octave change on "early age" in verse one and the bridge of "16 Carriages").

The prose-like approach to personal narrative throughout the album also serves the connection to late-1800s/early-1900s emerging blues, "negro spirituals," and country songs from Black artists of the era. While Beyoncé has drawn her life experiences plainly into her discography prior to Cowboy Carter, the styling of the album feels particularly attuned to imparting heartfelt, genuine lived experience.

In "Protector," Beyoncé soothes her children (in the song, Rumi's voice is sampled) with promises of protection, projection, and "Liftin' you up, so you will be raised." The content here reminded me, by contrast, of the well-loved blues anthem "(Sometimes I Feel Like A) Motherless Child" covered by icons like Sister Rosetta Tharpe, multi-hyphenate Paul Robeson, and folk-revivalist Odetta. While the singer of "Motherless Child" laments their lonesomeness, their isolation "a long ways from home," Cowboy Carter subverts this relationship and ensures that she will "lead you down that road if you lose your way." This points to another relationship between the album and its possible early blues-inspirations: "For things to stay the same, they need to change again."

Beyoncé's Cowboy Carter seeks to establish a new dialogue between Southern Black parent and child; husband and wife; community and individual. "Texas Hold 'Em" clarifies my point. Here, Beyoncé invites her muse to "lay your cards down," a phrase relevant to cardgames, yes, but one that's also used figuratively to indicate succumbing to vulnerability. In the pre-chorus after verse one she says, "I can't read your mind," indicating that while her partner may be connecting with her physically (on "the floor"), he still needs to "lay [his] cards down" so they can "work [their problems] in the middle," rather than side-stepping and dancing around them.

Her continual request to "pour some sugar on me," while immediately recognizable as a possible allegory of Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me," the line reminds me more of "the Empress of Blues" Bessie Smith's "Need a Little Sugar in My Bowl." In the song, Bessie pleads for "some good man to tell my troubles to," -- laying her cards on the table. Interestingly, both Bessie Smith's "Need a Little Sugar," and Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar," carry a... frisky, let's say, subtext. I would be remiss to say that "Texas Hold 'Em," is entirely about breaking down emotional barriers between partners, without recognizing there's a lot of physical barriers Beyoncé tangles with as well. However, ultimately "Texas Hold 'Em" helps to elucidate that larger theme of the album: starting hard conversations among partners and families, and reasserting love and forgiveness above all.

The empassioned declarations of love and support -- to daughters, to husbands, to mothers and fathers -- are peppered throughout the album. "Bodyguard," "My Rose," "Alligator Tears," and "II Hands II Heaven," provide Beyoncé the platform to express these wishes singularly; while duets like "II Most Wanted" with Miley Cyrus more explicitly illustrate how important unhindered commitment in partnership is to Beyoncé. And, once again, these themes between romantic/sexual/lifelong partners mirrors much of the content of early blues, particularly (to me) the work of Sippie Wallace: the inspiration of blues/rock artist Bonnie Rait.

For instance, Sippie's biggest hit, "I'm a Mighty Tight Woman," recounts her wishes for a good man who will make her happy, "and I will make him happy too." She describes herself as a "jack of all trades," able to support her "pretty papa" in any wish or struggle -- mirroring some of the promises Beyoncé extends in "Bodyguard," for example. Much of Sippie's discography presents cynical (but wise, perhaps) views on marriage. Her song "Women Be Wise" advises married women, "don't advertise your man," as desperate women will come looking for him: a similar case as Cowboy Carter's "Jolene." Yet, once again, Beyoncé reaffirms her pledge of change by telling Jolene, "I'ma stand by him, he gon' stand by me." She doesn't relent to the "inevitability" of female competition, of unfaithfulness. She reaffirms wholeheartedly the trust in her partnership, and the value they add to one another. This is an evolution on Sippie's narrative, in which "Women Be Wise," ends with her own admission of guilt: "Lord honey, I just might sneek up and try to make him mine." Rather than committing to a partnership, she too moves on to the next.

I would be remiss to publish this review without addressing "Ya Ya." Here, Beyoncé partners with a soulful chorus to opine on American realities: sex, God, and shady insurance companies. The narrative retelling of these moments intercut with a toe-tapping "ya ya ya" chorus brought to mind lawyer, professional football player, activist, singer and actor (that's what I meant by multi-hyphenate) Paul Robeson. His famous rendition of "Joe Hill," details the 1914 murder of union organizer and communist Joe Hill. Parallel to the repetition of "ya-ya" and "la-la" through Cowboy Carter, Robeson returns again and again to Joe Hill's empowering response to questions of his death: "'I never died,' says he." And similar to Beyoncé's questioning of "workin' time and a half for half the pay," so too is "Joe Hill" questioning the working class: if your leader dies, does your cause die? Does your need for change die? No, "they organized." For this, Beyoncé prays "that he don't crash," but similarly, that her hardworking man "gotta keep the faith." Now -- "Ya Ya" is not a call to union organization and worker's empowerment as "Joe Hill," was. But, it's an important touchstone onto my earlier point: that Cowboy Carter is calling not only for changes within partnership and family, but larger communities and perhaps, American society at-large. To recognize the shared struggle, faith, and love of delicious cheesy grits that has always connected working-class Americans -- rather than superficial categories pre-determined by melanation -- despite a bloody "History that can't be erased."

I could unpack many, many more connections between Cowboy Carter and the blues genre, but I'll end on the poignant necessity of "Amen." Here, Beyoncé returns to the hook of "Ameriican Requiem,": Can you see her point? Can you hear her history? "Looker-there, looker there now," she croons in the opening track. "Have mercy on me," she belts at the close. "Amen," brings us visions of the present South; meticulously upkept plantation homes "built with blood and bone," though the homes of the enslaved Americans who built them have "crumbled." Civil War and Colonial-era monuments standing above struggling neighborhoods, beautifying the "lies of stone."

"For things to stay the same, they need to change again." For freedom to remain intact, to remain the foundation of "country," it must evolve to new heights, new communities, new dialogues. To "purify our Father's sins," requires not only a reckoning with the self, but a reckoning with the greater culture. It means not only shamelessly extending love and support to those closest to you, but recognizing the opportunities to spark love with those farthest from -- or most dissimilar to -- you.

Favorite Tracks:

"16 Carriages"

"Alligator Tears"

"Ya Ya"

#too long to post on musicboard rn so lemme throw it here #Beyoncé #cowboy carter #album drop #album analysis #blues #text

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mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa · 9 months

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I was going through some of your asks and your responses but what i want to mention now is something I don’t think you taekookers have realized yet or maybe you have but just have not been able to admit it.

So Jk will most probably support Tae. He might sing a few of his songs on Live and depending on Tae’s promotion, Jk might show up for him just as he showed up for Jk. But…….for your own peace of mind, don’t expect Jk to go as far as he went for Jimin. Jk won’t do that. I’m not someone who sees the future to know ofcourse but i am talking based on precedents. Now let me ask you, have y’all ever seen Jk hype Tae up as he does Jimin? Have u ever paid attention to the members while they were reacting to MV’s? Did u ever see Jk hype anyone up as much as he did Jimin? Short answer no! And b4 u get me wrong it’s not cuz i think Jk is dating Jimin no! It cuz Jk has made it clear only a million times that Jimin inspires him. He loves the music Jimin makes. He admires Jimin’s work ethic, he loves his art and in his own words, Jimin is his catalyst! Jk has sang every single one if Jimin’s songs except alone and Face off. He wasn’t necessarily doing it to be supportive, probably just cuz he actually enjoys watching Jimin. Seeing that youtube recommended a funny video of BTS teasing Jimin, his algorithm must be filled with Jimin content cuz he probably watches alot of it. He started since 2016, excitedly singing Jimin’s songs on his Lives and Vlogs. He knows a majority of Jimin’s songs by heart, some because he was literally always there with him for rehearsal after everyone else including his “boyfriend” had left (serendipity, filter) so Jk knows these songs.

Y’all may have not noticed it but even though Taekook share their songs with each other first, Jk doesn’t seem to know the lyrics to Tae’s songs. Hell he literally said it. On his birthday live last year, he tried singing along to “Christmas Love” but turned the song off and said he didn’t know the lyrics. On his last live, he played “winter bear” but only hummed along to it cuz he probably doesn’t know the lyrics that well and he didn’t even wait for the song to end b4 he turned it off. This is not me trying to be offensive, i’m just stating facts.

Notice how pple have never really had to ask for Jk to listen to Jimin’s song b4 he did? He did it on his own always, with the only exception being “letter” all the other songs he listened to, no one asked him to do it. No one asked him about Jimin’s album b4 he asked us to wait for something amazing dropping at midnight! Which was SMF pt 2 teaser! No one asked him for a spoiler b4 he played the guitar to the tune of “letter” the night b4 Jimin’s album dropped! No one asked him to watch Jimin on Suchwita! No one asked him to react to JM’s mv’s, listen to Angel pt 1, watch Jimin on Lee mujin, sing along to like crazy. He did all those on his own. And notice how he always knew all or almost all of the lyrics? That is because when Jk does that, it is cuz that is what he wants to do! That is what he is able to concentrate on. That is what interests him. Not cuz it is FS. If he doesn’t do the same things for Tae, it’s not cuz he doesn’t want to or cuz he is waiting for the right moment or cuz the company is suppressing TK, it is because he just didn’t think about it. Yes Jk supports the members by playing their songs on his lives, usually one song or two so that’s why i said we can expect him to do something like that too for Tae but nowhere near what he did for Jimin cuz Tae’s music probably doesn’t interest Jk as much as Jimin’s and yoongi! His favourite music duo are yoonmin and u can tell by how much of their songs he knows by heart.

Ofcourse i could be wrong and Jk would shock us all, but honestly don’t expect it so you don’t start scrambling for excuses when he doesn’t do as much as he did for Jimin. And it’s not cuz he prefers Jimin to Tae, no! It’s just cuz he relates to vmin in different ways. I know you are not ready for this convo but Jk isn’t dating Taehyung, but that’s not the bone of contention now. My point is that, u may see Jk hangout with Tae more but the truth is Jimin has always been and will probably always be that person who inspires him the most when it comes to his career. For some weird reason he kinda enjoys taking about Jimin the most. Man literally got inspired to go work after watching Jimin content so Jimin clearly stirs something in him. Jk is not sitting there thinking “oh let me makes sure to do this so pple can see i am supportive” no! He does what he wants and he might go live and not think to play Tae’s song until one of you ask him to do it in the comments or he might. But him not doing the same thing he did for Jimin doesn’t mean he doesn’t support or care for Tae. Hope y’all know that.

I've put my response to this after a break to save space... It's a bumpy ride...

"I was going through some of your asks and your responses but what i want to mention now is something I don’t think you taekookers have realized yet or maybe you have but just have not been able to admit it."

Great, I'm about to educated…

"So, Jk will most probably support Tae."

Yes we know this

"He might sing a few of his songs on Live and depending on Tae’s promotion, Jk might show up for him just as he showed up for Jk."

Cool

"But…….for your own peace of mind, don’t expect Jk to go as far as he went for Jimin. Jk won’t do that."

Really, how fascinating…

"I’m not someone who sees the future to know ofcourse but i am talking based on precedents."

Good, I've met psychics… it never ends well.

"Now let me ask you, have y’all ever seen Jk hype Tae up as he does Jimin?"

Yes

"Have u ever paid attention to the members while they were reacting to MV’s?"

Yes

"Did u ever see Jk hype anyone up as much as he did Jimin?"

Yes

"Short answer no!"

If you say so

"And b4 u get me wrong it’s not cuz i think Jk is dating Jimin no! It cuz Jk has made it clear only a million times that Jimin inspires him."

RM, Suga and Hobi have also inspired him. Brian ain't special in this regards.

"He loves the music Jimin makes."

Of course he does, just like he loves Yoongi's, RM's and all the other members.

"He admires Jimin’s work ethic, he loves his art and in his own words, Jimin is his catalyst!"

If you say so.

"Jk has sang every single one if Jimin’s songs except alone and Face off."

So not every song then. OK

"He wasn’t necessarily doing it to be supportive, probably just cuz he actually enjoys watching Jimin."

Possibly, but we don't really know, do we.

"Seeing that youtube recommended a funny video of BTS teasing Jimin, his algorithm must be filled with Jimin content cuz he probably watches alot of it. He started since 2016, excitedly singing Jimin’s songs on his Lives and Vlogs. "

He's on social media, he sees a lot of things, including funny videos.

"He knows a majority of Jimin’s songs by heart, some because he was literally always there with him for rehearsal after everyone else including his “boyfriend” had left (serendipity, filter) so Jk knows these songs."

Probably because they were sharing a car. OH and they're the to main and lead vocalist of the group, so have more to rehearse.

"Y’all may have not noticed it but even though Taekook share their songs with each other first, Jk doesn’t seem to know the lyrics to Tae’s songs. Hell he literally said it."

No that's not true. Sometimes he can recall the lyrics of song he hasn't heard in a while.

"On his birthday live last year, he tried singing along to “Christmas Love” but turned the song off and said he didn’t know the lyrics."

Well, it had been 9 months since it was out and September is hardly Christmas is it.

"On his last live, he played “winter bear” but only hummed along to it cuz he probably doesn’t know the lyrics that well and he didn’t even wait for the song to end b4 he turned it off. This is not me trying to be offensive, i’m just stating facts."

Or perhaps he was simply listening to Tae sing the song… like he's done in previous lives such as Sweet Night

"Notice how pple have never really had to ask for Jk to listen to Jimin’s song b4 he did? He did it on his own always, with the only exception being “letter” all the other songs he listened to, no one asked him to do it."

"No one asked him about Jimin’s album b4 he asked us to wait for something amazing dropping at midnight! Which was SMF pt 2 teaser! No one asked him for a spoiler b4 he played the guitar to the tune of “letter” the night b4 Jimin’s album dropped! No one asked him to watch Jimin on Suchwita! No one asked him to react to JM’s mv’s, listen to Angel pt 1, watch Jimin on Lee mujin, sing along to like crazy."

No one asked for this shit, but you posted it anyway… Anyone else think this could have said in one paragraph… Yeah me too...

"He did all those on his own. And notice how he always knew all or almost all of the lyrics?"

Maybe because he practiced?

"That is because when Jk does that, it is cuz that is what he wants to do! That is what he is able to concentrate on. That is what interests him. Not cuz it is FS."

It's still FS.

"If he doesn’t do the same things for Tae, it’s not cuz he doesn’t want to or cuz he is waiting for the right moment or cuz the company is suppressing TK"

I never thought that for a second…

"It is because he just didn’t think about it. Yes Jk supports the members by playing their songs on his lives, usually one song or two"

And prior to January, when he starting using Weverse exclusively, he did that with Brian too… IF he had be so active on Weverse prior to that I'm sure he'd have done the same with Hobi and RM's albums.

"So that’s why i said we can expect him to do something like that too for Tae but nowhere near what he did for Jimin cuz Tae’s music probably doesn’t interest Jk as much as Jimin’s and yoongi!"

If you say so.

"His favourite music duo are yoonmin and u can tell by how much of their songs he knows by heart."

Again, if you say so.

"Of course i could be wrong and Jk would shock us all, but honestly don’t expect it so you don’t start scrambling for excuses when he doesn’t do as much as he did for Jimin."

I wasn't going to, and I've also said it doesn't matter, but I do think he will.

"And it’s not cuz he prefers Jimin to Tae, no! It’s just cuz he relates to vmin in different ways."

REALLLY, I did not know that...

I know you are not ready for this convo

OH no here it comes… the really reason we're all here...

"... but Jk isn’t dating Taehyung, but that’s not the bone of contention now."

Well obviously it is, or you wouldn't have mentioned it…

"My point is that, u may see Jk hangout with Tae more but the truth is Jimin has always been and will probably always be that person who inspires him the most when it comes to his career.!

Again, if you say so.

For some weird reason he kinda enjoys talking about Jimin the most.

And yet spent weeks not talking to him at all. Fascinating that.

"Man literally got inspired to go work after watching Jimin content so Jimin clearly stirs something in him."

Cool

"Jk is not sitting there thinking “oh let me makes sure to do this so pple can see i am supportive” no! He does what he wants and he might go live and not think to play Tae’s song until one of you ask him to do it in the comments or he might. But him not doing the same thing he did for Jimin doesn’t mean he doesn’t support or care for Tae."

Yes, I know

Hope y’all know that.

How kind of you to be thinking about us.

#my asks #i'm a sarcastic bitch sometimes

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jetstarred · 2 months

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what i listened to in january 2024!

total: 9 albums top three: i didn't mean to haunt you (quadeca), good kid, m.a.a.d. city (kendrick lamar), colourmeinkindness (basement)

click below to see full reviews ^-^

colourmeinkindness - basement (2012) - fav song: covet - this is a really solid early emo revival album. it captures the emotion that was extremely prevalent in emo music and kinda lost in the mainstream emo that had dominated before this album came out. the vocals are great at conveying the lyrics, sometimes feeling vulnerable in a really relatable way. the guitar is solid and very fun to listen to. easily one of my favorite emo albums from this era. - rating: 8/10

everyone everywhere - everyone everywhere (2012) - fav song: the future - this album clearly takes a lot of inspiration from 90s emo, especially midwest emo. some guitar riffs sound really similar to american football riffs. the singers voice is very lovely and i love the use of trumpets in some of the songs. the lyrics are also perfectly nostalgic and almost whimsical, like someone wondering about their surroundings and future. it almost makes me wish this band had stuck around longer and had been able to evolve their sound more. - rating: 7/10

feels like you - whirr (2019) - fav song: wavelength - this album is very dreamy, with the noise a pleasant hum rather than loud and intrusive. every song blends into the next track seamlessly, there were multiple times where i didn't realize a new song had started. the album largely sounds the same, with all the songs being difficult to distinguish from one another. this is good if you like this kind of music (which i do) but it makes it hard for any of the songs to be real stand outs. - rating: 5/10

hatemail - in lieu (2019) - fave song: pin up - i didn't really vibe with most of this album. its exciting to hear more female vocals in the post-grunge and more noisy punk space. there's definitely potential here and id be interested to listen to their more recent releases. - rating: 4/10

good kid, m.a.a.d. city - kendrick lamar (2012) - fav song: money trees - this album immediately put me in the exact setting that must've inspired it. it makes me feel nostalgic for the black american experience i never had, even with all the ugly parts. besides that, i love the through-line of the voicemails and phone calls, some of which introduce the following song. the samples are really beautiful and i want to go listen to the original songs. i can't imagine how exciting it must've been when this album came out to see the beginning of one of the greatest rappers of this generation. - rating: 9/10

i didn't mean to haunt you - quadeca (2022) - fav song: don't mind me - i listened to this album on repeat for a week after my first listen. it's really refreshing to listen to a concept album that actually fully follows through with the concept. this album being about a ghost and his experience with dying and having to watch how his family deals with his death is so interesting and lends to a lot of very heart wrenching introspection. also sonically this is such a beautiful album with the choral voices, static, with a good balance of heavy and dreamy parts. shout out to picking up hands and fantasyworld for making me cry. - rating: 10/10

goblin - tyler, the creator (2011) - fav song: radicals - i like the concept of the album being tyler having a “therapy session” with his own consciousness. but a lot of the content in the songs is very offensive, gross out, shock humor that i don't really vibe with. i know that that type of rapping was what was commonplace and popular at the time but it's really aged poorly imo. the beats and flows are pretty decent and i could vibe with them more if it wasn't for the lyrics. also tyler baby stop saying a bunch of slurs! - rating: 4/10

from me to you - quadeca (2021) - fav song: candles on fire! - this album is a great transition between quadeca's earlier youtube rap inspired music and his newer more atmospheric and melodic music. the production is grand and electronic in a way that's really enjoyable. while i'm not a great judge for rap, i think this is a step up from his earlier stuff and much more accessible to me as a more casual rap fan. honestly it's difficult to judge this album as anything other than a transition from rap to more artistically driven music that still keeps rap elements and influence. - rating: 7/10

my back is killing me baby - car seat headrest (2011) - fav song: no passion - this album is half rough versions of songs that would be redone in later albums, half songs that weren't revisited. it's very rough and full of the diy sound that was more prevalent in cshr's earlier stuff. i like it more for background noise than something i can strongly focus on. - rating: 5/10

#finally doing this whew #feburary should be up in a few minutes #wilt #jet reviews

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adagioapassionato · 8 months

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playlist focus. 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 (when living gets tiring)

So…you’d think that getting recognition from a band you’ve idolised for a year would push you to create more of the same type of content…right? Not for me, apparently. It’s not that I didn’t want to, or don’t have multiple almost-finished pieces about the music I love ready to share with the world. I suppose life got in the way – and when living itself felt exhausting and confusing, I couldn’t focus on creating the way I wanted to.

But I realized a few days ago that music had still carried me through this confusing and tough time in my life. Early in June, when I’d find myself in tears multiple times a week, I compiled a playlist of songs for when the going got too hard and I didn’t feel like carrying on. In this post I describe a few select songs from that list that are particularly close to my heart!

The playlist is named in Korean, after the lyrics of Find Me! by The Poles (of course, one of Daniel’s songs again!) – 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 , which means ‘when living gets tiring.’ The entire first verse goes, “when living gets tiring/and the world feels like its ending/and taking a breath feels like imagining/because that would be better/find me in this world.” So I guess, it’s the music I come back to when I don’t feel like carrying on, so that I find the strength to move forward again.

There are two categories of songs I added to the playlist. While we feel tired and stressed often, we may look for different kinds of catharsis and comfort, even if the feeling is essentially the same. The first category encompassed sad songs that really describe breaking down, being stressed, being uncertain. They provide a mirror that suggests you’re not alone in your feelings, without forcing any solutions or positivity in your face. The second group of songs provide comforting reassurance: they accept that times are hard, but also feel like a warm hug from a friend assuring you that everything will work out soon.

1. What If… by j-hope

I ended up listening to j-hope’s Jack In The Box album for the first time almost a year after he released it. When I did, I wondered why I’d been depriving myself of listening to an album made with so much heart and emotion. At the same time, though, I felt like his songs had found me at the perfect time – I wouldn’t have connected to them a year ago the way I did now.

The whole album focuses on j-hope’s worries for the future, but the desperation and anxiety for the future conveyed in ‘What If…’ is palpable, from the desperate piano riff to the repeating shouts of “what if, what if, I have no…” in the chorus. j-hope’s focus on the dilemma between staying positive and giving into spiraling anxiety about the future particularly stood out to me. He reflects on whether he can truly call himself by the name ‘hope’, when he often does not really feel hopeful about the future. During a period of uncertainty, I was often told to ‘be positive,’ ‘stay optimistic’ and keep moving forward. However, you’re bound to get exhausted by being positive all the time. This song connected to the frequent periods of confusion and worry I faced, where I wondered whether it was pointless to be so positive all the time in case I’d just end up with nothing anyway. After all, I could hardly see where the road ahead of me was leading. The repeating questions throughout the song – ‘Can I do this? (Let me think) Can I do it?’, “What if I have no hope? What if I have no dream? What I have no house?” echoed my exact worries about beginning a new chapter of my life.

j-hope is someone who can truly call himself ‘hope’, because he understands what it is to want to move forward with optimism, but struggle with it at the same time; to wonder what would happen if all of a sudden, despite your best efforts, you were to lose everything – “what if I have nothing? Can I do that shit?” Even in a song where he expresses the deepest worries of his heart, he echoed my own worries and provided me comfort. I thus held this song, and the Jack In The Box album, very close during this time!

2. Ajj Din Chadheya by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

This song unexpectedly touched my heart during this period too. It directly addresses God, and begs him to end a long period of suffering and frustration. I grew to become more spiritual during this period of my life as it gave me hope, thus, I could see myself asking the very same things of God that this song does. The melodies of the song are sweet and accompanied by a harmonious piano, as though kindly expressing one’s frustrations to God and requesting him to give us his blessings.

The second verse of the song particularly struck me. He sings (translated from Hindi):

“I only asked for what’s mine, What is it to you? It’s not as though I’ve asked you to give me heaven What sort of a God are you, Who only exists in name, That you couldn’t do even this much for me? Please, just let me receive what I want.”

This verse really resonated with me – when you feel as though you’re trying everything you can to get what you want, what you believe you even deserve, but somehow the universe seems to keep it from you. At this point, you can do nothing but ask the universe what is preventing you from getting what you’ve desired for so long. The song beautifully conveys frustration with God by questioning if he even exists, but also has a pleading tone that requests him to finally end this pain and stress. It’s a beautiful take on faith that shows even the most difficult parts of trying to keep it, while still relying on it to pull through a difficult time. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s open, emotional voice beautifully conveys this spiritual but incredibly human conversation with God.

I truly love how many Hindi songs outline a similar conversation with God. I wanted to include more in this post, but I wanted to vary the selection I describe here a bit. If you listen to the playlist, do check out ‘Arziyan’ by Javed Ali for some very heartrending but beautiful music!

3. everythingoes by RM

RM’s ‘mono.’ playlist always has so much emotional meaning to me for being with me during every one of my tough times. I think Namjoon’s music has a beautiful quality of mirroring your pain and struggles in the most comforting way possible. With this song, he takes even the cliched statement of “this too shall pass” or “everything will pass” and turns it into a message of perseverance and hope.

The gentle tones of Namjoon’s singing that repeat the words, “It all passes, someday, for sure, certainly…It passes” really ensure this simple message is ingrained in our minds. His soft singing contrasts the increasing desperation of his voice during the rap section. While he uses beautiful imagery of change – “Just as night leaves and morning comes/The spring leaves and summer comes, but/Just like the flower wilts and the fruit grows ripe” – he states, contrastingly, that “everything needs to go through pain.” Thus, he accepts that even beautiful experiences pass and change. Similarly, while endings and change feel painful and sad, they pass to reveal something even more beautiful, that will then go through the same cycle of ending and change.

Namjoon also suggests that while it can be hard to believe in “unclear words saying to have strength” and “the lies that it’s all just the way things are,” we can simply pray that we become “better adults,” or people who can control our responses and accept that everything changes and passes. I love how he subverts cliched words of comfort and instead tells us to hold on with hope for a better future. The song is truly such a balm for troubling times and I always revisit it when I feel low.

4. The Story by Conan Gray

A lot of Conan’s music feels like it was written just for me. The whole ‘Kid Krow’ album especially has a lot of songs that really felt like a hug through my hard times. I’m really happy to say that I watched Conan perform this song live, and it was absolutely beautiful to sing it with him and feel with him the hopeful tones of his music. Before performing it, he explained that the song was very personal to him – he said that although he went through a lot as a child and was tired of being told he should ‘be strong’, the fact that he was able to perform for us like this showed just how much better things could get, and even if it feels like it, it’s really not the end of the story.

The lyrics of the song focus on love and friendship, and tell each story briefly but impactfully such that they really strike the heart – the first verse, for example:

“Let me tell you a story about a boy and a girl It’s kinda short, kinda boring, but the end is a whirl They were just sixteen and the people were mean So they didn’t love themselves, and now they’re gone Headstones on a lawn…”

I really love the way Conan assures us that even though the world is harsh and life can be hard, it’s still “not the end of the story” – “Oh and I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works/But I think that it could work for you and me/Just wait and see/It’s not the end of the story.” The song is very simply composed – Conan’s voice is left bare an accompanied by just a piano and guitar, which makes it feel more personal as though he’s telling these stories only to you. This song feels like a conversation with your best friend late at night as you pour your hearts out to each other – and that’s one of the many reasons it gives me so much hope and reassurance.

5. New Youth (새소년) by SE SO NEON

I ended up discovering Se So Neon when I more recently got into the Korean indie scene – I truly enjoy Hwang Soyoon’s silvery voice that manages to convey a versatile range of emotions. Through its sound alone, this song feels like a lullaby. The song is titled Se So Neon (새소년) in Korean too – thus, the band’s name and this song both signify ‘new youth.’

The song touched me because of its focus on the ‘new youth’ of today – it spoke to me as someone in their ‘youth’ who was rather struggling with being in that phase of life. I think many young people experience disillusionment with their dreams – they want to achieve so much, but they realise how difficult it is to build one’s own life in today’s world and society. I love how Soyoon captures this when she sings, “The time you had hoped for passes by/We walked on without a word/I guess we had already been forsaken.” Having gone through a global pandemic and then trying to regain your footing in the world after it ends, it feels like all the moments we’ve hoped for never seem to go the way we expect, and all we can do is walk ahead wondering if this was how it was always meant to be.

I also really liked the bridge of the song:

“Ah, new youth, we’ve already been born Ah, let’s breathe in deeply Ah, us forsaken new youth, Ah, let’s breathe in deeply”

It feels so gentle and comforting – it accepts the feeling of being left out, forsaken and struggling to make a life for yourself. It then asks you to just take a breath for a minute and feel that you are alive. And yet, somehow, we still find it in us to run towards the future – “the future sees a light, far over there/It keeps illuminating me, it calls to me, I run to it” “I aimed for and ran away to the time that was visible to me.” Thus, she asks us to keep going as best we can, to move forward and make the choices that we know best despite struggling and feeling forsaken. The regular rhythms, soothing melodies and Soyoon’s voice like a lullaby all make this such a wonderful song to listen to during times like these.

6. The Same (우리에게 필요한건) by The Poles

And finally, the song that inspired me to make this entire post! I heard this song a long time ago, but on a particularly hard day, the lyrics of the chorus played on my mind continuously – “어지러운 날들이 다시 괜찮아질 거야” (those dizzy days will become okay once again). I listened to the song and checked what the lyrics meant, and somehow, it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment, just like the song’s Korean title, 우리에게 필요한건 (What we/I need). The chorus is particularly so special: “As we look at the same place/We’ll once again walk the same path/Those dizzy days/Will be okay again.” What a beautiful way to say: remember where it is you want to go and what you are moving towards, and before you know it, the dizziness of uncertainty will settle down again.

It also reminds me not to try to control the future. The second verse:

“Let’s be swept away If we float to that place far away Not needing anything at all […] Let’s float without getting hurt…”

It urges you to do what you can and just allow the present to happen around you – float with it and see where it takes you into the future. Go without expectation, “not needing anything at all.” It’s beautiful how a song called “what we need” shows that what we truly need is to not need anything at all – to not expect anything of the world and float with it, seeing where life takes you.

Daniel’s music, especially with The Poles, has a particularly beautiful way of providing comfort. Here, the loud rhythm of the drums and guitar, and the powerful vocals really contrast the soothing vibe of the lyrics. I like to think that it’s a symbol of the strength it takes to move ahead in life with no expectations even while you’re struggling. The way this song came back to me when I felt low makes it so special to me – I really dream of seeing The Poles performing it live, though I think it would make me tear up a lot!

These are a few songs that helped me through hard and stressful times – I really enjoyed compiling this playlist and listening to it be exactly what I needed when I was struggling. I hope it can be some comfort to you too – thank god we always have music no matter how hard life gets!

Here’s the whole playlist if you would like to listen to it, I will keep updating it:

Spotify

YouTube Music

(P.S.: I will try and write more posts in the coming months – I have quite a few ideas, and now that my brain is working again I think I’ll be able to execute them too!! Please look forward to them!)

References for translated lyrics (if it’s not linked, I translated it myself!):

What If

everythingoes

New Youth

The Same

#writing #music #adagio apassionato #the poles #bts #rm #j-hope #conan gray #se so neon #playlist focus

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kim-lexie · 2 years

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summer 2022.

well fam...has it been a minute or what? i realized i was getting more anxious to upload, because it seemed all too daunting. i have accepted that this will inevitably be a subpar rewind just because oh so much happened. and after this year i hope to get back to more frequent posts. any waayyy...

music.

‘world’ by seventeen. AKA SONG OF THE SUMMER. AKA OWNER OF MY HEART. AKA THE BESTEST TRACK EVER. it literally is full of sunshine and rainbows. it cures any ailment. i freaking love this, fills me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. it is the absolute best track. and it fills my heart. 10 out of 10 recommend.

seventeen. literally their whole discography. i had the immense pleasure to see them live during their north american tour. all i can say is that it was such a unique experience. listening to their music since debut, watching their survival show, and seeing them grow. it was wild to just see them, because when i first got into k-pop i never thought i would be able to experience a live show without going to korea. then to see the first group that got me into k-pop, host an arena tour…i was so emotional seeing them in real life. like we are talking ugly crying level.

‘slam the door’ by ciipher. a complete an utter bop. thank you to ‘yoshified’ on youtube, because dang this person really recommends the best tracks. and i would never have had a complete summer playlist without this.

‘scared’ by p1harmony. let me start by saying this was noisy but it an absurdly good way. like oh my goodness they just came for me like that.

nayeon. our queen. ‘pop’ and ‘no problem’ on repeat. we stan. (p.s. ready for jihyo’s solo)

monsta x. ‘whispers in the dark’ and ‘if with u’ also on repeat. all the time.

onlyoneof. the single tracks that they’ve released. i am in love with ‘be free’ by KB, and ‘begin’ by yu jung. and the music videos and the intertwining storylines, like yes please and thank you.

newjeans. ‘you got me looking for AATTTTEEENNTTTIOOOOON’ catch me screaming their lyrics at the top of my lungs. the way they dropped their singles, like woah hold up. ‘hype boy’ definitely a favorite track. and ‘cookie’ is never played it makes me immensely uncomfy. i hope they stick to chill appropriate concepts, because come on hybe…

blackpink. the queens have returned and this album…controversial opinion….the title tracks were not it, but the B-sides. fammmmm these slayed it. catch me crying in the bathroom, i love them.

‘after like’ by ive. how can they always release bops, and the b-side ‘satisfaction’ like come on stunning.

’24/7’ by DKB. this track. i love that it comes in with the chorus. i freaking love it.

‘my type’ by brb. this is a new group i discovered and love them. technically not k-pop, it’s in english, they are from singapore but i couldn’t not include because the vibes are there. and it sounds heavily influenced by k-r&b and i am here for it.

youtube

‘excuses’ by twlv. another chill bop. like this dude has an incredible voice, and he could sing my grocery list and i would love it.

‘sexy nukim’ feat. RM by balming tiger. FAM. when this song dropped i was like WOOOAHHHHH. these artists’ style and groove, i can’t get over it. thank you namjoon for collaborating with them and putting them on my radar, because they pass the vibe check.

‘us’ by moon jong up. randomly stumbled upon this gem, and i am so sad that there is not more content from this stunning human.

‘mascara’ by XG. it’s a bop, i scream it. ‘baby girl don’t you ever be wasting your good energy’ like amen honey!

‘talk that talk’ by twice. it’s twice you know its gonna be a bop. the dance addicting.

dramas & movies *spoilers ahead*

my mister. i would give this drama a 9 out of 10. we follow dong-hun who is really going through it, like bad. like his wife is having an affair with his boss, and his family is a mess. his brothers live with his mother, and they are kind of subpar not doing the most. he meets ji-an a young girl in a difficult situation, she is being harassed by loan sharks. things get shady when she comes to find out about the affair, and uses it to blackmail the vice president and she has to get dong-hun to leave the company. she obviously doesn’t go through with it, but fates get tangled, and i would be lying if i said i was upset that our main actors didn’t get up together. but i understand why, they learned a lot from each other. it was tragic, raw, and everything you want in a melodramatic drama.

tomorrow. fam i started this drama for rowoon, but i finished it for soohyuk because dang….we follow jun-woong who is struggling to get a job after school but ends up in a coma and meets grim reapers. they come up with a plan to get him back to the world of the living by helping the crisis management team. this team’s goal is to save suicidal people. i loved the dynamics between the team, and i loved the ending of this drama. i would give this drama a 9 out of 10. i loved the style of it, each episode being a new situation and issue to solve. this was a difficult drama to watch at times, it obviously covers the trigger topics of suicide, domestic violence, and depression. the concept was unique and i loved how they offered reasonable ways to overcome and get necessary help. i loved the relationship that was unpacked between koo ryeon and joong-gil because it went so far back, and his choice to completely forget it because the situation pained him so much. but she remembered it all. i recall my heart breaking into a million pieces as their story unfolded towards the end. like there were not enough tissues to rescue all the tears.

like literally look at the way he looks at her. let me weep.

sh**ting stars. this drama was a 10 out of 10 cute fun summer drama. we are in the entertainment world with our girl han-byeol (lee sung kyung) as our leader of the PR team, and she actively manages gong tae-sung (king young-dae). he is the top actor, and their relationship is everything. she starts the drama unable to tolerate him, because she has known him since college. we come to find that he has always had feelings for her, and little misunderstandings had driven them apart. but my goodness you know that by the end of the drama they were together, and sooooo stinking cute. i loved their interactions. i also freaking loved how everyone ended up happy! like our second male lead was no second male lead, he got his own happy ending. and i loved the coworkers that ended up together in this drama too. like yes we stan character development all around! it was great!

sound of magic. i don’t know what i expected, but dang it was a musical and outright wild at times. i gave it a 9 out of 10. yoon a-yi is a high school student working hard to support her sister. she doesn’t have a supportive father because loan sharks drove him out of the home. na il-deung (hwang inyeop) competes with her to be top of the class. he likes her (obviously). our girl stumbles upon an amusement park and meets a magician there. he encourages her to believe in magic, and a quite odd relationship ensues. definitely not going to lie it was on my radar because my hwang inyeop is in it, and literally anything and everything he touches is gold to me. but it was incredible, and i loved all that they did in this drama, though it was short lived, i hope they will continue this story.

yumi’s cells 2. i was hyped fam. really hyped about it. like yes ba-bi (jinyoung), he is our man. we stan, we love. men fail. he failed us, and i’m not going to lie did that bump my rating down to a 7…yes. yess it did. once again we follow our girl yumi, in her life through work, pursuing her dream of writing. achieving her goals. and seeing ba-bi be absolute trash. so yeah. i hate ba-bi and if anyone asks i never liked him. i am ready for season 3 to come through and give us a happy ending. i am deserving of this after surviving this long, only to be betrayed by ba-bi.

dear m. FINALLY i got to see this gem after waiting forever (only) to see it. so sad about the delayed release because it would surely have taken over everything if it was a live drama. i loved the concept of always trying to figure out who ‘M’ was, and it looking like it was anyone and everyone. we follow joo-a who has been besties with min-ho (jaehyun) for forever, and they are at university together. we follow their university struggles as they get through the semester, and we meet their roomates, who are all great. and i loved that we got to see all their personalities develop and grow. there was also immense growth from joo-a, which we love to see. i loved all the characters we got to meet. and seeing jaehyun freaking slay, i stan. i would rate this an 8.5 out of 10.

weathering with you. this was an anime that i watched and it was stunning. i loved the concept. a high schooler runs away from home to tokyo. he befriends a girl who has the power to control the weather. it wrecked me emotionally and i loved it. i would give it a 7

studio ghibli: my neighbor totoro, ponyo, howl’s moving castle, spirited away. not me rewatching these studio ghibli titles. they are always a 10 out of 10 recommend.

why her. once again hwang inyeop. my man coming through with the dramas that will make me cry. in this drama, we follow oh soo-jae a freaking boss lawyer. like the youngest partner at the best law firm in korea. she is driven out and gets demoted to be a professor at a law school. gong chan is a student there and it turns out they had met in the past. he was wrongly accused of murder and she was his public defendant, she was the only one who believed in him. but it turns out that she didn’t give the case her all as the defendant. but he knows her true intentions, and how she was blackmailed by the political moves happening. they all work together along with other students in their law clinic to uncover the truth. it was really frustrating/infuriating at times, because the head of the law firm is absolute utter garbage and the things he did were AWFUL. but overall i loved this drama. a 9 out of 10 recommend.

the uncanny counter. i loved this one. we follow so mun who gets possessed by a spirit that rescues people on the verge of death, to hunt down evil spirits. these fellow counters operate out of a noodle shop. and we meet our crew of unlikely heroes here. i loved how they were a found family, and they all come together in various situations. there were so many hilarious laugh out loud moments imbedded in this quite sad theme. se-jeong is the best and i picked this one for her. i would rate it an 8.5 out of 10.

extraordinary attorney woo. if there was ever a green light drama this would be the one. a 10 out of 10 recommend. it was so precious, and i loved all the characters that we met. we follow woo young-woo an incredible bright individual who happens to be on the autism spectrum. she starts working at a law firm, and this brings about the best and worst in others. each episode was a new case, and we got to see her unique perspective on conquering each case. we also saw her relationships with others in the hanbada office. freaking fell in love with lee jun-ho, and her bestie from university yoon-kyung. they were always looking out. and we loved the character development that happened with their coworker joo jong-hyuk. this one shall get it’s own recap. because i have so many feelings and favorite moments.

alchemy of souls. when i say i didn’t know what to do with my life when this gem of a drama ended, i literally did not know what to do. it was a top tier drama for me. like the characters, the set design, the world building. it has it all. it shall too have its own recap, because dang, too much happened and i am not emotionally ready for december. i would 10 out of 10 recommend. we follow jang-uk from a noble family, rejected by the skilled teachers. he stumbles upon mu-deok, who happens to be naksu an elite warrior/assassian trapped in mu-deok’s physically weak body. she decides to be his master and teach him fighting skills. a lot of crazy nonsense goes down, and so many plot twists happen. and i freaking loved it. i loved the character development especially from out naksu and wanting to put others around her first. like yes queen.

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swangtup6 · 5 months

Text

Album Review: GUT - Odour of Torture (1995)

this ones gonna be long bc theres a lot to say abt it. do read it tho

Gut is a goated band in... a certain grindcore subgenre which i do not feel like naming but im sure one could guess after looking at their lyrical content... this is their first full length album and best work in my opinion, but how good is their best?

The first thing that grabs attention on this album is the use of samples. After 2 back to back p*rn samples on the first and second tracks on the album (Woundfuck and Perpetual Sp*rm Ej*culation), one realizes that this is going to be a theme for the project. and indeed it is. I haven't been counting but over the course of my most recent listenthrough of this album (I'm about 42 minutes in as of writing this part of the review) most of, if not all of the tracks have some kind of sample. these range from horror movie clips, to p*rn clips, to just random noises, and also helped establish a norm for this subgenre of grind. I think they add to the atmosphere, ik a lot of ppl hate them, but either way, at least theyre short.

The next thing that tends to come up when I discuss this project with my weirdo friends is the vocals. a lot of ppl HATE the vocals on this album, which i completely understand as I did too upon first hearing this. I got into the second track and heard what sounded like a hobbit being waterboarded and immediately turned it off, as most reasonable people would. But overtime, theyve grown on me. in fact, i think the unique vocals r one of Gut's strong points. Unlike most grind bands, which tend to focus on one or 2 main vocal techniques, Gut's vocalist does a LOT. from deep pitch shifted gurgles to death growls, to the aforementioned hobbit waterboarding noises, this album is a multi-tooled vocal ASSAULT and i think it works rly well in the bands favor, especially when it sounds like hes shredding his throat with his shitty technique /gen.

The songwriting is after. This album doesn't get stale, and it isnt too samey, but it still feels consistent and has a solid atmosphere through out the entire thing. This album is like the musical equivalent of being trapped in a sex dungeon, but in a good way and not in the horrible trauma way of the real thing. Every song is distinct from the other, except for maybe the several filler tracks which are usually only 10-30 seconds long and usually only have a sample, a simple drum beat, and a single riff which repeats the entire time. The full-length tracks on this album are all sick and great in their own ways.

A quick nod to the production, the guitars sound GREAT, very muddy and washed out, and the drums compliment them perfectly, crisp and snappy without sounding too processes. Really just a great production job overall. This album feels dirty and claustrophobic, and while most of that is due to the songwriting, the production compliments it perfectly to create an album that i feel like i need to shower after listening to.

95/100

Standout tracks: Woundfuck, Vomitorium of Maggot Infested... , Consequence, The Taboo Room (really all of them r standout, but these came to mind first. please listen to this album)

youtube

#grindcore #goregrind #music review #music #youtube #metal review #metal music #death metal #grind #Youtube

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syubjim · 10 months

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SUGA at ENDRECHERI MIX AND YOU with Tsuyoshi Domoto

👤 Before meeting SUGA-kun I looked up a lot of interviews of him, I got the impression that he is a very honest and strong person. I hope to spend the time leisurely today, but I have the thought that amidst busy schedule he makes time to be here so I gotta let him rest quickly. With that in mind, I hope to be able to talk with him comfortably.

-Introduction clips-

Listening to the latest album

👤 Before meeting SUGA-kun I listened to a lot of SUGA-kun's music

🐱 Oh my, thank you

👤 Listening to the most recently released album, firstly I thought that this work is such a pure album as a whole. Really pure. Because as people live, naturally we feel various emotions and in this day and world you can express it to your heart's content, but it's not necessarily a good thing to express it like that. It's important to exchange this emotion inside our heart, and the tenacity, agony, sadness, and more than anything happiness and love to realize that feeling, that they are important, it sits in the sound and lyrics and flows into my entire body, that's what I felt about the work.

🐱 Thank you

Tsuyoshi-san's impression of SUGA

👤 I wanted to know a little deeper about SUGA-kun so I looked up many interviews. I got the impression that he's a really honest and strong person. What do you think of yourself?

🐱 I'm someone that can say I like it if I like it, if I hate it then I hate it. Rather than being honest, I think it's just my personality since I was young. I think it's also reflected in my music. The music that I liked since I was young, I fell in love when the artists were telling their own stories then I started music, so I think I was influenced a lot by that.

👤 I think to be honest to yourself and to live as you are is not something that just anyone can do

🐱 That's right

👤 But I think, because someone who lives honestly like SUGA-kun delivered such a message, there are more people in the world who have been able to get out of their own sorrow and hardship that they go through and have that strength. So I think it's really impressive to live while always keeping that childhood's pure heart until now.

🐱 I think these days the world is especially very harsh to young people. Whenever I hear (someone say) that after listening to my music they gained strength or that it became their reason to live, it also gives me a lot of comfort. It's not that my messages are exclusively for young people, but if it becomes a comfort for those who are struggling and hurting in this world, I honestly think it's enough reason to make music.

👤 I feel the same kind of reason

What they have in common: 'Grandpa'!?

👤 We have something in common, I'm also called 'ojiichan'

🐱 *laughs* Me too

👤 For example, even when people around me are in panic I'll be like ...🧍‍♂️... My hometown is not Tokyo, I really like the hometown I was born in and I enjoyed the culture there so I was called grandpa and such. Knowing that SUGA-kun is also called 'grandpa' I felt some kind of familiarity.

🐱 I've been making music since I was very young, I've made music since i was 12. I started doing music work when I was 17, so I always worked with older hyungs and nunas and naturally I grew up a bit faster I think.

👤 Amazing. I watched your interviews and works while keeping on saying 'amazing'

Thoughts put into Agust D

👤 Can we listen to the meaning behind SUGA-kun's artist name, Agust D?

🐱 It's actually DT SUGA put backwards and becomes the name Agust D, DT is Daegu my hometown... Daegu... SUGA.. When i was young there was this thing, I first made Agust D 7~8 years ago, we debuted as dance singers, and even though I did rap and producing actually I didn't belong in the idol team nor did I belong in the underground rappers. It felt like being halfway when I was young, there was some kind of a victimhood where I wasn't recognized in both sides. So wanting to show the best things I could do, I changed my name, but because it's a character made for that, early Agust D music has a lot of anger and is destructive. At first when i made it 7~8 years ago I already had the thought of making it a trilogy. Now that it's finished, from such a very destructive and rebellious music to some extent a mature music, I think I've showed them all well. I think I've showed another persona really well.

About the moment when you want to write a song

👤 Talking about when the song becomes 1 (one) from 0 (zero), for me there were a lot of instances where the thought came to me when I was in the shower, so I came out, took notes, and went back in, this happened often.

🐱 I tend to record on my phone

👤 When is the moment SUGA-kun thinks you should write a song?

🐱 I think the most important thing for a person who does pop music (popular music; for general public) is sincerity. I don't really like the scenes that are shown a lot in media where a singer-songwriter or composer suddenly get an inspiration at a certain moment and starts writing. Because I just always carry around my equipment and work on music, and I work a lot, so that I simply have a lot amount songs with me.

🐱 When i made this album i certainly was stressed out, I had to write the lyrics, I had to write the melody, and I had to do the arrangement too, but normally when I work on songs I don't get stressed at all. There's a songwriter friend who I work with, the two of us made most of this album. With that friend, even when we're drinking we end up working. And since I'm going around with the band (on tour), while drinking together with the band I would suddenly play guitar, or play keyboard, and make songs that way. So normally when doing a song camp or working on songs it feels like I'm just playing around, so I don't think there's an exact moment when I suddenly get inspired. I just always carry equipment to able to record it whenever that happens, or seeing that these days handphone, smartphone recorders work so well, I appreciate them as much as possible and record (on phone) a lot.

🐱 And since you also work on songs you must know, but when you first make a song and listen to it you don't know if it's any good, but after a few months there are moments when you think, "Oh, this is really good?". For this album too, Haegeum the title song was already written 3 years ago and I just needed to re-arrange it to fit the trend. That way, I'm the type that just steadily work on music. I need to produce an album so I don't do it like hurriedly, the oldest song in this album is from 4~5 years ago.

👤 That's right, I don't use voice memo but there were many times I used it in private, for phrase or guitar riff, bass riff, rhythm pattern, or * makes music sound* ...I put them all first and when I make a song I give them a listen again and, "Oh this beat sounds nice?... Um this is not so good..." then I save a dormant beat or riff, melody and make use of it, there are cases like that.

About the number of tracks in a song

👤 There are also times when I talk to my friends (imply talking in terms of making music) and I'm getting more and more into it, then the number of tracks increase. I adjust that number of tracks and take out some or use some parts to balance them out. How many tracks you put in a song?

🐱 What does 'How many tracks in a song' mean?

👤 *explains* At the region, and guitar... So the bass, drum...

🐱 Ah you mean how many instruments I use in a track, right?

👤 Yes, yes. So voice...

🐱 For me it's different for every song, but this time in the title song Haegeum's case, apart from the beat there are not many tracks, just a Korean instrument called gayageum, a Korean instrument called haegeum, and a Korean flute called daegeum, and 808, snare, hi-hat, I kinda made it minimal-ly. When I make commercial songs, or various OSTs, this type of light music, instrumental music, I fill it with a lot (of sounds/instruments). So I think it's different depending on the song's vibe. These days minimal music is very trendy too so I think I tend to reflect on the situation, to reflect on the trend.

About traditional instruments, timbre, and musical scale

👤 There was a message that traditional instruments are important in making music for you, what is the sound or instrument that you consider important? For example for me, my hometown is Nara and there's an instrument 0distortion, this time as well in Haegeum I apply distortion oare called Nara. By playing the musical scale f that instrument with a guitand20where I applied electric nuanceC I can feel the atmosphere gf our country there, but I (implying personal colour) don't disappear. There are times when a funky music that are not usually applied on instruments a lot, and the way I often produce is after reversing it I chop it, that's the mix. For SUGA-kun too, is there any traditional instrument oout traditional inst

🐱 I surely did use them a lot, I used Korean traditional instruments a lot. But honestly it's not that I use them to let people know about traditional instruments, I just think of them as one of various instruments and sounds. And when I make a sound I like making one that not many people do, I like to use samples by cut, paste– by chopping them. For traditional instruments I either apply distortion, this time as well in Haegeum I apply distortion on gayageum, even though I don't know gayageum well. There are also instances where I applied electric distortion on voices and guitar. I really like making beats by making unique sounds that way. A lot of effects can be done on traditional instruments, so it rather makes a fresh sound. I use effects that are not usually applied on instruments a lot, and the way I often produce is after reversing it I chop it, that's the sampling method I use a lot. I actually use it in this album too. I think I tend to approach it (traditional instruments) as one sound. Honestly it's not that I wanna tell people about traditional instruments, seeing that I don't have a lot of understanding about traditional instruments too. I just approach it as a sound.

👤 When choosing a timbre, do you decide right away after getting an inspiration or do you contemplate about it a lot before deciding?

🐱 I'm not the type that worries about that when writing a song, especially since I make beat first then add melody and lyrics to it. Actually at first, together with the friend that I work with for 6-7 years, we just go "Shall we try doing something like this?", we tend to start off this way. But after starting with a particular song vibe, that song vibe doesn't come out in the end, a whole different song always comes out, that's how I usually work on many songs. When I was young, there were a lot of songs that I participated in, and when one got stuck it affected me badly mentally. But these days, just...even if I work on several things at the same time I don't get stressed, even though I tend to get stressed around the last minute of an album (production).

SUGA's future prospect

👤 In the future how do you think SUGA will change?

🐱 I only have this thought... While going on this tour, I have this strong conviction that I will perform even when I'm in my 50~60s. Honestly I have the most fun when I'm doing music, I have the most fun when I'm on stage, that hasn't change. It's just that since I was young I have to do various genres, so I'm not sure what kind of music I'll do in the future. I think being able to do all kinds of genres is my forte. But these days while the tour is going, after only rapping in the past, this time there are a lot of songs with vocals in it so I got to sing. There's a charm that only vocal has in its own way, so if there's a chance I wanna work on a lot of songs with the sound of acoustic band, and rap too separately in rap songs, if I can mix these two just right, won't I be able to do music for a longer long time. When I'm in my 50s will I rap? I wonder about that a lot hehe... I think to rap in my 50~60s will be very hard and I find a lot of fun in vocal parts so I wanna improve by doing various genres of music.

👤 What are you looking forward to in live concert in Japan?

🐱 Actually I couldn't do a concert in Japan since 2019 because of COVID-19. At that time a stadium tour was scheduled, but now two of our members are on military service so we're in a situation where we can't tour with all 7 members. I'm doing a solo tour, but honestly I longed for the fans a lot. Japan is one thing, but that time we certainly should've done all of the stadium tour, even though it wasn't for us to take responsibility , it wasn't our fault, the thought of wanting to do a concert soon was so prevalent and since last year while preparing the album— actually in a way it's an album that is made for the purpose of doing a concert. And fortunately since I was young — to call it a solo activity is a bit like that* — but I produced or wrote enough solo songs to be able to hold a concert, so I'm grateful for the younger early 20s me, for making it so that I can go on tour at any time.

🐱 It's a concert in Japan after a long time and Japan experienced COVID-19 just like us so I wish to relief the stress or such things that people have gotten from that time, (for people/fans) to really excitedly sing along and have fun together, dance, actually I think that's the biggest reason to do a concert.

👤 Today is the first time that I meet SUGA-kun and listen to many of his stories. Just like you, I express my performance in various forms, and my main genre is funk but other than that I enjoy and do various genres and I can think of it as fun because it feels alive, I enjoy music with that kind of feeling. As expected you have to enjoy yourself to deliver that happiness to a lot of people so everyone can gain the strength of that positivity... I felt that we share the same thoughts regarding that part. But just like I said it at first, I can really feel that SUGA-kun is definitely more honest and stronger than me.

🐱 Thank you

👤 Hereafter as well, I will watch SUGA-kun's activity and continue to feel that. I sincerely hope that hereafter SUGA-kun continues to live his life to the fullest as SUGA-kun is right now.

🐱 Thank you

👤 Originally I really was going to cut this interview shorter even just a little so that I can give you a break even just a little... Sorry, I talked too much, sorry.

🐱 [shakes head]

👤 I'm really happy to have met you. Thank you.

🐱 Thank you

👤 I had an interview with SUGA-kun and as expected along the interview I had the impression that "Even at this time he's encouraging a lot of people with the words he say that contain each and every thought of his". I think through this interview you guys have heard the words that can help you gain strength as well. For me along with the episode of SUGA-kun making music, I get to know more about SUGA-kun and in the future, any work he makes and how his life turns out I hope to be able to root for him, and I had an honest time with a heart full of love. Thank you.

-fin-

The japanese words (Tsuyoshi-san's) were translated from Korean (JP➡️KR➡️ENG) credit to sugajeong님 and B_bud님.

A little guide:

👤 Tsuyoshi Domoto

🐱 SUGA

[actions]

(context)

italicized words were said in English

#suga d-day promotion #bts japan interview #endrecheri mix and you #translation

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songsforthepierce · 1 year

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Album Showcase: The Poison - Bullet for My Valentine

Way back in Middle School, probably around 2007/2008, I would watch a bunch of AMVs which included this Invader Zim one. Where it was similar to Anime Hell and if you don’t know what Anime Hell is...uh...well what it was is they would put part of a song or audio from different media over a clip of some anime scene. One could say it is very YTP which yeah it kind of is. So yeah, the Invader Zim AMV was similar to such. I cannot find the AMV now but this was where I was first introduced to bands such as Chevelle, Dope, and Bullet for my Valentine. The songs they used from Bullet for My Valentine was from the album, The Poison.

Oh, I should add some trigger warnings. Content warning for discussions of suicide, light discussions on mental illness, some mention of misogyny, discussion of violence against women, mention of self harm, and some talks about death.

I do like the more simple yet bold cover for the album. The two notable things about it to me is the fact that a part of me believes this image is meant to reference one of the songs on the album. The other is I just noticed the woman’s hand sprawled out is very close to the gun on the right for the bands logo, making it seem like she shot herself. I just think that is a neat detail. Oh, I almost forgot to mention this but the deluxe edition of the album changes out the red color palette to green. Not sure why but it looks nice.

Bullet for My Valentine is a Welsh heavy metal band which on their early works you can really hear the Welsh accent compared to their later albums. The Poison was their first major album they released after making the two EPs, Hand of Blood and Bullet for My Valentine. Though during my research I found out that the band used to be called Jeff Killed John. When they were under that name they made one EP. Huh, I never really knew that and maybe I should give it a shot some time. That and maybe make a post about it, maybe. Anyway, I am familiar with some of the songs on this album but the rest of the songs I don’t have teenage nostalgia for. Mainly because I never really went out of my way to check out more of the album at the time. Looking back I am not really sure why. I best guess was I was too focused on other bands. So it will be interesting to give the rest of the album more of a chance and see how I feel about it.

Track 1: Intro

The first song is a pure instrumental piece. It is oddly a nice start setting up an atmospheric tone. The use of cellos is a nice touch. I don’t know why, but whenever I listened to to track I could imagine a scene of someone standing in the rain. I guess it just gives me that vibe. This being not just the first song but being on the album in the first place was not what I was expecting to be honest. I just realized the song features Apocalyptica which thinking about it should have been kind of obvious since they known for doing instrumental pieces sounding similar to this. Surprised I didn’t immediately pick it up but it had been awhile since I listened some of their songs. Overall, this is a nice start to the album.

Track 2: Her Voice Resides

As the first track is finishing it hard cuts to screaming for Her Voice Resides. I tend to really like it when songs lead up to the next track like this. It adds a really nice flow of transition. Though I know this type of transition can be harsh to a tonal whiplash depending on who you ask. But I think it works fine here. I do like the rhythm and guitar work on this track. It helps punctuate what is being said in the song. Though having said that and after listening to this track a few times I wondered what it was about. From reading the lyrics it is about a guy who feel deeply in love with a girl but said girl dumped him rather quickly. Despite her being done with him, he cannot let go of her. He continues to hear her voice and it torments him. He feels his only solution is suicide. Which basing on the bridge near the end of the song talking about heaven and where is his angel he succeeded. WELL, that is a lot to take in. The concept is genuinely fascinating from a horror stand point but the lyrics are...well kind of underwhelming. Maybe it is because the lyrics feels like something I would see a teen in the early 2000s write which makes this song feel...immature. Like I said, I like the instrumentation and the concept has potential. But even with that all said it is a solid okay song.

Track 3: 4 Words (To Choke Upon)

This is one of the four tracks that took off from this album and listening to it I am a little confused by why. Like on the one hand the instrumentals really pretty good on the track. But on the other hand the lyrics are not that strong. I get this is about betrayal regarding friends stabbing you in the back but in the end you triumph because you are the successful one. I know I have heard other songs with similar subject matter and this one does I guess an okay job. Though I do recommend watching the music video to see the type of fashion fans of theirs were wearing at the time. A very neat time capsule and a good ref if you want to draw clothes from that era. Actually, as I let this song sit for awhile it kind of grew on me. It isn’t my favorite but it is less of a meh for me and now a bit okay.

Track 4: Tears Don’t Fall

This is one of their big songs that came from the album and I was actually surprised. Mainly because I never heard it at all until my gf played it in her car four years ago. I am genuinely shocked a teenage me never ONCE heard this be it from Hot Topic or from my friends who liked metal. This won award for best single from Kerrang! This charted #24 and #32 The Mainstream Hot Rock Charts and on was Top Modern Rock Charts respectively. I just somehow avoided it. Anyway, the song is about the narrator of the song feeling guilt about cheating on his girlfriend. I know I am suppose to like feel sorry for the guy or something but I just don’t. All I feel is “Well that sucks for you my guy.” I KIND of feel bad I don’t feel that strongly about the song because similar to the previous tracks the instrumentals are pretty well done but also the fact this song was pretty big. Not just that but was important for the band. In an interview with Download Festival in 2018 when asked, “ When you’re putting a set list together is there one song you have to play for festivals?” and Matthew Buck (lead singer) said,

“Having five albums already out it’s quite easy to pick a bunch that you know people want to hear. We’ve had a lot of experience touring each album for at least two years on a cycle. If there’s one it’s ‘Tears Don’t Fall’, which has become a Bullet anthem over the years. When it first came out it became very clear that it was a bit of a moment for the band’s career, even at that early stage and bit of a moment for the hard rock metal genre. It’s a song like no other and the things that song has done for our band is incredible. It’s a song that’s really connected and has last the test of time. That song will never drop because of the importance of it. We know the significance and importance of it, it’s a song that means a lot to us as well as the fans who were there in the early days and since.”

I don’t know if it is the subject matter or because I am not a teenager, but this song just doesn’t do much for me. Which makes that quote above make me feel like I am being a dick. Though I will say that even though I don’t really have much of an attachment to the song I can step back and understand why this one got big.

Track 5: Suffocating Under Words of Sorrow (What Can I Do)

This was another big song of theirs and this was one of the few songs I actually bought from the album. I actually kind of like this song. From what I can gather from the lyrics it seems to be about a couple with in an odd relationship where while the guy does love her he knows she is doing some shady stuff. Well, killing people from the line about the bodies on the floor. On the one hand he wants to make her see what she did is wrong but he also wants to make her feel loved? Conflicting priorities but hey it is an interesting song concept. Funnily, this song was on the soundtrack for Saw III which yeah that fits. Though the music video for it is...uh something. Why is the first part of the first verse removed? What does this song have to do with ballerinas? Why are the band in a cave? I don’t really get the direction of the video for the song but it looks neat. Stylus Magazine said this song along with the other track, The Poison, was the band on their A game. I have to partially disagree because I don’t feel like this song was A game material. It is more B material than anything.

Track 6: Hit The Floor

Okay another pretty decent track. A simple song about following someone and killing them. Typical heavy metal stuff. Though what stands out to me is some of the lines questioning why they beg for more and the surprise this is how they die. The ending lines “ Take this for me, I don't want to hurt you” stand out to me as well. It is one of the more simple songs and one of the downsides of it is that it just makes me think this is an inferior version of Avenge Sevenfold’s Scream which has a similar subject. But I can see myself listening to this track as like good background noise.

Track 7: All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)

This was the song I first heard by them that was used in the Invader Zim amv. I would listen to this track a LOT as a depressed teen. I own this song and even now I will go back to it when I feel like shit. The subject of a person dealing with a shitty person who doesn’t respect them nor what they say. A situation where this relationship they would rather not be in and wonder why they are sticking around. All of it they hate yet in all of it is in their life. This was something I really resonated with a lot as someone who had been a variety of unhealthy friendships on top of dealing with being unmedicated. This to me is one of the best songs on the album. This is their A game to me. Two years ago I found a video of the band playing this song live in Brixton 2016 and hearing the crowd singing along with the song at the time made a bit emotional. Oh, while I was getting the videos for this I found out there was an official music video for the song. I never knew it had one at all. Anyway, the main character of the video is a woman which hey cool to see the perspective is meant to be from her in this. The story is about her waking up and seeing her boyfriend leave. She then sees he left his necklace behind. She goes outside to give it to him but he is already pulling out of the driveway. But when he turns back a car hits his killing him. As she screams she wakes up and thinks it is a bad dream. However, the cycle repeats akin to Groundhog day. As this is happening it cuts back and forth to the band singing. Zooming out showing they are playing in a cemetery and a coffin is on display. Basing on the ending where the girl sees out the window and the white truck passes by the ending I am guessing is maybe this will just keep happening. Damn what the fuck.

Track 8: Room 409

This is the song I tend to think of when I look at the album cover mainly because of what the song is about. Though with that said the subject is about a guy walking into his home and finding his partner cheating on him with another man. Which greatly pisses him off and hurts him deeply. Wishing he never saw this and that he just cannot forget what she has done to him. Yep, it is one of those songs. I guess this is the opposite end of Tears Don’t Fall where instead of a guy cheating on his partner and feeling guilt we are getting a guy being cheated on by his partner and being fucking pissed. These songs aren’t uncommon in both inside and outside of metal. Songs where that is the subject matter don’t really appeal to me since there is a good chance they veer into misogynistic territory. You know the whole “How dare this ungrateful bitch cheat on me so I am going to kill her” deal. Now does the narrator of this song try to kill the girl in this song? Maybe? I don’t know. I will say that on many of the tracks before and this one here, the instrumentals is one of the strongest parts of the album. Which that helps for a song like this who’s lyrics I feel are the weakest.

Track 9: The Poison

This became a favorite track of mine as I was in the process of reviewing this album. The rhythm is energetic and the drums really stand out on this track. I know this is about a guy murdering someone and making it clear that “she” will never know. Is this the person’s friend? girlfriend? wife? Who cares. Okay well I don’t care. This is a genuinely fun metal song to listen to while writing or drawing. Yeah, it is simple about the whole murdering someone part compared to other metal songs but I think The Poison works better at it compared to the earlier track Hit the Floor.

Track 10: 10 Years Today

This track took me a bit my surprise. I have heard the song before but didn’t really think much about the lyrics. But as I have to for this review the subject matter is not what I really expected. Now this is my interpretation of the song and I could be wrong on what it is talking about. The track seems to be about the narrator gets a call from his friend but said call is about the friend deciding to either commit suicide and/or leave home and never return. The narrator tried calming the friend down but it didn’t work and has not heard from this person in 10 years. They still wonder why the person did this in the first place and they feel guilty for not being able to stop them. I believe the part of the chorus that goes,

“ I'll bleed if you want me to! I'll serenade before I do I'll bleed if you want me to!”

is from the friend who gave the call. That they are willing to hurt themselves if the narrator wants them to. Which does add more to the narrator’s guilt. I do like the storytelling in this and it was a genuine pleasant surprise of this being a pretty decent to good song.

Track 11: Cries in Vain

An odd track on this album. It is about the narrator begging God to listen to him but is reminded that it is all pointless. I am just more confused by this track being on here more than anything. Every other song doesn’t really bring in religion or spirituality so having it this late in the album is very jarring. The song itself is okay, not the weakest track but this is not a song I would really revisit.

Track 12: Spit You Out

The lead up to the lyrics is a nice build up and I like the sound of it but when we get to the lyrics the rhythm takes a hit where it just sounds clunky for me. The lyrics make it clear is about the narrator breaking up with someone and how within the relationship they grew to hate everything the once enjoyed. They are taking back their life and they are not going back. I do notice that many of the songs are about broken relationships. Which like that subject isn’t a bad one to write about but on this album a lot of it made me go, “You know, if I was a teen when I heard most of these tracks would my angsty self relate to these in some way” Which I do not have an answer for. Also, the part where they name drop the band and you can hear a crowd like we are suddenly in a live performance feels very out of place but in a funny way.

Track 13: The End

This is the longest track on the album and I was hoping the length would mean the song would be worth listening to. Well, it is yet again another sad loss of love song. At this point I am done with it. I am tired of how many sad “I miss this girl” songs on this album. I know the length of the track does not help at all because the song is really slow and it drags on. Even when I waited a day to let the song sink in thinking that maybe it will grow on me but it just didn’t. I can’t even really remember much about it besides being tired. That and I actually wished this was a purely instrumental track. Mostly because then it would match the Intro. This is my absolute least favorite song on the album.

Bonus Track 1: Hand of Blood

Now this track I first found on the EP of the same name but this song was added to The Poison on the Limited digipack edition. I am putting it under bonus track mainly because it wasn’t part of the original release. This song could be seen in two ways in my opinion, either this is about a breakup and the narrator feels like it is his fault that she left him so he is spiraling out of control OR he snapped killing someone and she caught him so now he is trying to do damage control but failing at it. The song is oddly catchy and lingered in my mind as I was at work. It is another okay song that I would use for metal song background noise.

Bonus Track 2: Seven Days

This is another bizarre track mainly because it feels...really specific. I feel awkward listening to it. In a “I am listening to someone vent and vaguepost about someone and I don’t know what to do”. Complaining about someone wanting so much yet are too lazy to even work for it. It just comes off like the band had to deal with someone like this so they made a whole song about it. Which I guess if this is how they want to deal with it then so be it.

Bonus Track 3: My Fist, Your Mouth, Her Scars

You know, I was wrong that Room 409 is connected to the album art. It is this song that is connected to. The whole build up to the lyrics genuinely had me hooked. I was pumped and then all my excitement just got drained out when the per-chorus came. Oh my fucking god, the song became so uncomfortable so fucking fast holy shit. Like I know I was a bit uncomfortable with Wake Up by Three Days Grace but at least that song was like “Here is a fucked up relationship and it sucks ass”. This on the other hand is just “Hey so the narrator wants to fuck this girl so bad he snaps and kills her and calms down a bit but later feels disgusted thinking of being inside her”. Just plops this on my lap like I know how to take this. The whole mental image of a man lusting after a woman so much that he is willing to hurt her and ends up killing her being presented like this just leaves a super bitter taste in my mouth. Especially when this sort of stuff does happen in real life and how traumatic it is. I know there is much MUCH worse songs that deal with subjects like this in a manner that is tactless. But I think the fact I just wasn’t expecting this just got me. Which sucks because the instrumentals on this track is really good and fun. The song would be much better if all the lyrics were removed. You know how I said that The End was my least favorite track on this album? I change my mind, THIS is my least favorite track on the album. It is just edgy and not a fun type of edgy. I never want to listen to this track again.

Bonus Track 4: Welcome Home (Sanitarium)

This is a cover of Metallica’s Welcome Home (Sanitarium). I know transitioning from a horrible song to something like this is jarring but I would rather end this on a not terrible note. Now I haven’t listened to much Metallica and it has been years since I last listened to that band. But I do know that Bullet for My Valentine are fans of Metallica (I am assuming of their stuff that is considered good before they fell off in quality). They made this song for Kerrang!’s 2006 tribute album, Remastered - Metallica’s Master of Puppets Revisited, for the 20th anniversary of the original album. The drummer Moose has said,

“It was amazing, when we were asked we didn’t need any time to think about it, we said yes immediately. We were lucky enough to choose the song we wanted to play, we chose “Sanitarium” and Metallica loved it. They listened to the whole album, so that’s fucking great. Lars Ulrich came and knocked on our dress room door before we went to play to say hello and I shit myself.”

Well, that’s nice. Anyway, so when it comes to cover songs I’ll be talking about the cover, the original, how the two compare, and which one I prefer (if I have a preference). I had to listen to the track again because my brain was still sitting in the bad aftertaste of the previous track. The song is about a person being mentally abused in a mental asylum which at least the song is treating the subject matter with some tack. That and bringing up how institutions like that abuse their patients they are suppose to help. The Bullet for My Valentine cover does sound really nice. They reserve the screaming for near the end to really push the emotions in the song. I can tell there was a lot of love and care put into this cover. How does it compare to the original? The original also sounds pretty nice. One of the better Metallica songs. Both of them are on equal levels to me. I don’t have a preference.

This was certainly something of an album. I came into this with an open mind and excitement. Especially since a lot of Bullet for My Valentine fans have a huge fondness for the first two albums by the band. But once I went through it all I feel underwhelmed and a bit disappointed. When it came to the instrument work I was not disappointed. In fact, that was the most solid and best part of this. Not all first albums have a solid sound down throughout. But when it came to lyrics it was all over the place. Look, I am not expecting all songs to be deep or whatever. I like simple songs and deep songs. Songs are allowed to be simple and not have any deeper meaning. However, the simple songs here were a lot of times either just there, boring, or just were not fun. If a song is simple I want to be fun in someway. When researching I found a review by Punknews.org that found the album to be a “drab” and I somewhat agree to an extent. Not completely because there are some strong songs on here but a lot of them were more misses for me than hits. My favorite tracks on this album were All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me), The Poison, Suffocating Under Words of Sorrow (What Can I Do), Four Words (to Choke Upon), Intro, Hand of Blood, and 10 Years Today. Now do I recommend this album? Weirdly enough, I do. Now while I had mixed feelings on this album I know there will be others who’ll have a better time with it than I did.

I will eventually cover their second album but for now I’ll be working on different album reviews.

#Bullet for my valentine #The Poison #album review #music reviews #album showcase #pierce talks #long post

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zaneaquaman · 1 year

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Analysis of Will Wood's "I/Me/Myself"

Will Wood’s music is known to be the type that serial killers would listen to as they start their descent into madness and violence; however, as Wood emphasized in an interview on Bleeding Cool about The Normal Album, the songs really “reflect a lot of my personal growth through proper treatment of my psychiatric troubles, therapy, personal work” and are about “coming to terms with my flaws and learning to be honest with myself”. Many people interpret this as him coping with bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. While that may add to some of the meanings behind his lyrics, I find it much more plausible that Will Wood’s music details his struggles in defining his gender, gender expression, and coming to terms with who he really is. His song titled “I/Me/Myself” acts as a primary example that is hard to deny even without micro-analyzing the lyrics.

As someone who is transgender, I’ve had my fair share of coping with the reality that I was born in a body that doesn’t fit me, with clothes I’ve been told to wear my whole life feel wrong, and with expected behaviors that I always viewed with disgust because they didn’t feel true to me. “I/Me/Myself” hits the issue of a gender identity crisis dead on:

“For some reason I find myself lost in what you think of me

And too confused to choose who I should be

…

It’s been a point of contention between myself and this body that they stuck me in

The privilege of being born to be a man”

In the first line, Wood is detailing how people’s impressions of us have major impacts on how we behave, what we wear, and so on. Wood and I are going different ways on the scale of gender expression (him presenting more feminine, while I tend to prefer masculine). While it certainly did take a lot of guts for me to start presenting as a man rather than continue the lie of living as a woman, it is incredibly more difficult for people who are going the other way around. Society has built up this idea that men being feminine or rejecting masculinity is obscene and mockable. After all, why would anyone want to be anything other than the dominant, benefitting gender in our rigged patriarchal society? If women present as masculine, however, they may get applauded, which is an incredibly unfair result of toxic masculinity. The line “For some reason I find myself lost in what you think of me” shows just how self-conscious Will Wood is about actually presenting feminine, so much so that (although he has explicitly stated he is not transgender) Wood feels that if he was a girl, it’d be so much easier for him to be feminine without receiving any judgment. It wasn’t until 2016 that the artist finally switched his outfits from a goth presentation to a more non-conforming feminine one. In an article on N.J., Will Wood states that he “was so in love with femininity I had to wear it myself”. The feeling of wearing clothes that best show your true self is beyond euphoric. You feel complete in such a way that you finally realize you’ve been doing it wrong the whole time beforehand.

Jumping to the last line, “the privilege of being born to be a man” uses sarcasm to emphasize further the harmfulness of toxic masculinity. As the whole rest of the song details his dreams of being feminine, saying, “I wish I could be a girl”, “Am I pretty now?”, “Flower petals and feathers tether me to the ground”, and “You’d wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend”, he adds in this one bitter line detailing how he should be grateful to be born a man in this patriarchal society. How dare he want to deny his masculinity and privilege, right? It’s a problematic ideology that a large proportion of society commonly shared until fairly recently. Wood is hoping that now people will be more accepting of him presenting as feminine rather than masculine, even though he is a man.

When it comes to figuring out one’s gender identity and expression if it doesn’t match the ones they are assigned by society, it can cause quite a mental breakdown since it is an identity crisis of sorts. Will claims to be “too confused to choose who I should be” which is perfectly natural considering how fluid gender and gender expression are. There is no one way to be non-cisgender or gender non-conforming in presentation, which makes it so much more difficult to figure out on your own. You have to wonder if you want to present as your assigned gender if you even are your assigned gender, and if you’re not, then what are you? Which label fits you or do you not want a label? Do you want to wear this or that? If you want to change your outside self completely so you are true to who you are inside, you have to throw out your old clothes, cringe at past photos of you, get the paperwork done, wince every time you hear the wrong name or pronouns, undergo medical treatment, and receive hate throughout the process – it’s exhausting. It’s horrible. Why would anyone want to go through that? Would you really want to go through all of that just to be true to yourself? It’s a nightmarish dilemma that many people face, including Will Wood as he figures himself out in this song.

Finally, the best definition of gender dysphoria is the line “It’s been a point of contention between myself and this body that they stuck me in”. This isn’t the first song where Will Wood describes how he doesn’t feel like his body matches himself either. Time and time again, he has made references to looking in a mirror and seeing himself, not sure exactly who is looking back at him: “I’m looking at myself… Well, who else could I be, when I can hardly see?... Who should I be then if I’ll never be the same?” in “Dr. Sunshine is Dead”; “Why I can’t see / that I am the me / that I was born into?” in “The Song with Five Names”; “Dead in your own skin / but you didn’t choose what you were born in” in “Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity”; “I check in the mirror to see how I look / I look different in different ways… Who’s looking back? / That’s not me!” in “Cotard’s Solution”; and lastly, “You bear a striking resemblance / some kind of semblance of something I’ve been remembering / You appear familiar, dear / You look just like my bathroom mirror” in “6up 5oh Cop-Out”. All of this showcases how he’s been having reoccurring thoughts where he sees himself in the mirror and can’t identify with the body staring back at him. I’ve known that feeling all too well. It’s suffocating, and yet, it also makes your thoughts so chaotic and hectic as you contemplate who you fundamentally are if you aren’t the body you were forced to grow up in.

Of all the songs I’ve listened to, “I/Me/Myself” has been the best to capture what it’s like to be either non-cisgender or gender-non-conforming. It describes the self-consciousness of worrying about what others and society as a whole will think of you while also covering the inner struggle of coming to terms with yourself. I hope to see more music like this in the future because there really aren’t many songs that cover these issues.

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