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wilanserulia · 10 months

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You know what, tumblr seems the perfect place to voice ramblings about my OCs, so maybe let's start with my FFXIV Warrior of Light, Wilan, whose story is actually deeply entwined with my other FFXIV OC Delen.

I'll try to be brief, even if this is just a basic outline, especially so from Stormblood onward. I'll throw in some photos to keep things interesting though.

Wilan Serulia hails from a small archipelago of islands off the coasts of Vylbrand, in the Rhotano Sea. Son of a fisherman, Wilan has never been quite fond of the family trade. When out at sea he only had eyes for the land he could see in the distance, desiring nothing more than to see what lies beyond the horizon.

When he came of age, against his parents' better judgement, he got rid of pretty much everything he owned to buy an old sword and a one-way journey toward Limsa Lominsa, where he would start to earn a living joining the ranks of people who tried to help their community while so much manpower had been diverted to oppose the Garlean invasion. In other words, he became an adventurer.

A few years laters, now with a good deal of experience under his belt, he eventually crossed paths with the Path of the Twelve. Minfilia Warde's organization looked to recruit people who had awakened to the Echo, and Wilan himself had received Hydaelyn's calling some time after beginning his new life. Through her he came in contact with the Circle of Knowing, led by Louisoix Leveilleur, who became a mentor for him, channeling his raw motivation and good intentions and giving him purpose.

Events set in motion by yet unknown forces would eventually lead to the Seventh Calamity, and despite his and the Circle's best efforts to stop Garlean legatus Nael van Darnus in his tracks, Wilan is unable to arrest Dalamud's descent.

At the culmination of the battle of Cartenau Flats, as Dalamud hatched to reveal the elder primal Bahamut, as even their last measure failed to contain the Calamity, Louisoix invoked Althyk's power to keep Wilan save in an aetherial slumber from which he would be restored no less than five years later.

Reawakening to a world scarred but in the process of healing, Wilan would soon get in contacts with his associates from the Circle of Knowing and the Path of the Twelve, now reunited under the new name of Scions of the Seventh Dawn. Together with them, he would successfully thwart the XIV Legion's attempt at conquering Eorzea and be acclaimed as a Hero.

In the following times, he would meet a refugee from one of the Garlean provinces by the name of Delen Aldanea. Having lost almost everything in her escape from Terncliff, including her own mother, Wilan decides to take the auri girl in to give her a place to stay and, at least on paper, a job, to aid her with immigration paperwork.

Not long after Wilan would find himself framed for the attempted murder of the Sultana of Ul'dah. Bitter and resentful, with apparently his whole homeland turning against him, Wilan and two other Scions sought political refuge within the walls of Ishgard where, unable to keep himself out of trouble, he ended up tangled with the city's Thousand Years War; he would eventually defeat Nidhogg and bring piece between dragonkind and mankind.

While his name back home had been cleared, Wilan didn't yet make a return. Some of the traumas he went through weighed down on him, and he felt like he needed to find a better way to deal with the ever-increasing expectations and the amount of dreams he found himself carrying on his back.

He accidentally came across the corpse of one of the so-called dark knights of Ishgard and came in possession of his Soul Crystal. The crystallized aether resonated with his soul in turmoil, recognized in him the desire to be a positive force in the world weighed down by unnecessary complications. It wishpered into his ears a way to deal with it all, to close his heart to the pain. To this day he couldn't be sure if the voice he heard wasn't entirely his own, either.

Either way, he gave his answer to that whisper. He would find a different way.

Eventually, however, he came across a man from Gyr Abania, going by the name of X'rhun Tia.

It had happened as he was coming in defense of a little girl, dashing in as a proper hero, not merely dispatching of the girl's assailants with ease but infusing in her hope by his very presence. After everything was settled, Wilan asked the man if he could teach him how to be like him.

X'rhun had recognized something in Wilan, something raw and unfocused but either way pure. He would accept his request, he'd teach him how to be a Red Mage, but as Wilan would soon find out his tutelage would involve more than a new fighting style. X'rhun was adamant that a proper hero needed to be refined and well groomed, to be well-read, to have proper manner, a sharp tongue, elegant motions. This and more would be part of his training, an intensive formative journey that would see Wilan fundamentally reconsider his way of life.

When he finally returned home, donning a bright red coat tailor-made for him by his friend in the Scions Tataru, Delen was shocked to find him so thoroughly changed. The man he remembered being genuine, spontaneous and simple to a fault now appeared cloaked in an aura of formal gestures and polished language so thick that she could barely see the person she remembered behind it.

Feeling something was terribly amiss, she insisted in trying to have him talk, and it took some time and a good deal of determination but she eventually got to the end of it: Wilan had ended up wrapping himself in a "hero persona" of sort, in a way to put some distance between himself and the horrors he had to deal with. He wore it like a mask over his eyes so that nobody could see his tears because, as he told her, "a smile better suits a hero". Her dedication to reach him, to let him open up about his traumas, to not let it all bottled inside, had managed to bring down one of the biggest walls they had built between themselves. For a night, for one night, they felt close, connected.

They would put distance back between themselves soon after. Wilan had always been very adamant on not allowing himself to become entangled in this kind of romantic bond, not with the role he was called to cover and the risks that came with it, now less than ever. She knew it, she understood it, she respected it. It didn't mean they could ignore what happened, however.

Some time later, as the winds carried the scent of a storm about to start on the Gyr Abanian front, they would meet again. They caught up on each other's latest events. They tried, almost failing, to keep out of each other's way, and then dancing dangerously close to the boundaries they had set up for themselves Delen asked Wilan if she could also teach her hot to fight, to defend herself, to be an adventurer like him. And, she left unsaid, to spend more time together.

War eventually broke out on the Gyr Abanian front. Wilan took part in it, and eventually coordinating a jointed rebellion he played a pivotal part in liberating Doma and Ala Mihgo alike. The empire had once more been pushed back into Garlemald.

When they'd meet again, as promised, Wilan would teach Delen how to fight, and figured she would be best suited to learn the arts of Red Magic like he did. They would indeed draw closer to each other, but in their renewed intimacy however they ended up crossing a line too many.

Worried by their increasingly close emotional attachment, Wilan chose to put even more distance between the two of them. He would himself be absorbed by his role as the Warrior of Light, leaving little room for his personal life. Having lost his closest emotional point of reference, he just carried on taking everything onto himself, hidden behind what little protection his "mask" offered, ultil a particularly traumatic event when he almost risked losing himself to endless Light really got to him.

Once back home he longed to hear Delen's voice, to tell her some of what happened, but she had gone on living her own life, putting him in the past, or so he figured from the way she answered. He decided not to bother her any longer and to just leave her alone. So it was with heart heavy with doubt and regret and crumbling under the weight of endless expectations placed on his shoulders, that he found himself facing the new advent of the Final Days.

This marked a particulary miserable point in Wilan's life, as he found himself trying to be a beacon of hope for everyone around him while wanting nothing else than to give in to despair, to crumble down under the weight and let it all happen, to stop this desperate struggle against the inevitable. And when even Hydaelyn dissipated, the near divine being who had chosen him as her mortal champion to begin with, he couldn't hold it together anymore. He broke.

As he re-emerged to the surface he found Delen looking for him. He had warned her to seek refuge in Sharlayan, so that she could leave the planet when he would inevitably fail to save the world. She understood at once something wasn't right, insisted with speaking with him in private, and they had barely closed the door to his room when Wilan broke down in tears. They spent the whole night talking. Tears, hugs, despair, their love, the meaninglessness of it all. It was rough, it was painful, but little by little he felt relieved. Healed.

She had invited him to consider, at least imagine, a future, a possibility when he'd be free of his mantle, free to pursue his own happiness. Maybe, together. He smiled bitterly. He would love that, he would want nothing else than to let himself drift away in the imagination of that future. But as he boarded the starship Ragnarok that day, Wilan knew in his heart he would have died out there, fighting to the bitter end.

That he got rescued at all was nothing short of a miracle. That his companions and friends managed to resuscitate him from the grievous injuries received from the battle could probably only be ascribed to the dynamis-charged air of the edge of the universe. It only really hit him that he was still alive when Delen flew halfway across Eorzea to see him, safely returned to their planet. Battered and bruised, only in that moment he felt a flame burning in his chest.

They kissed. Earnestly. Openly. Intensely. They didn't even need to say anything out loud.

Wilan's coat had been damaged beyond repair. Tataru had offered to repair it anyway, but he refused. For the last few years that red coat had been a symbol of his calling as the Warrior of Light. Now he was no longer Hydaelyn's champion, and peace had returned. Of course, he would rise to the occasion should the need arise. Of course he'll answer the call of everyone who will cry for help. Because that was his nature. But now, he was just another traveler.

As expected, life wouldn't exactly be quiet after this tremendous ordeal, but there was now a newfound peace in Wilan, an internal balance, and somebody who he finally decided to accept at his side.

Much of the story, from here on out, is still left unwritten. But despite any shadow that looms at the horizon, the new day's dawn shines bright.

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kym-truestory · 5 years

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*Drops mic*

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amphtaminedreams · 3 years

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COVID-19, Negligent Manslaughter, and a Timeline of Tory Indifference

“I feel sorry for Boris Johnson. He is doing the best he can in the situation and I don’t think anybody else could have done a better job.”

[exhibit A: a gem somebody that I’m Facebook friends with reposted earlier]

It’s a sentiment that I cannot quite wrap my head around. I sit here hopeless and furious and trying to hold back tears because it’s been almost a year since England first went into lockdown and yet here we are, almost 100,000 dead, in an even worse position than we were before whilst other countries begin to slowly return to normality. It is clear to me who is to blame for this, however there are a large proportion of people who don’t want to “politicise” the actions of the PRIME MINISTER with regards to his approach towards handling a virus sweeping the country he GOVERNS.

Typically, these kind of posts making the rounds on social media will be accompanied by some kind of photo of Boris Johnson looking somber as if to suggest that the way things have played out were beyond his control and that he is some kind of broken man beleaguered by the suffering he has, despite good intentions, inadvertently caused.

This one in particular of Johnson with his head in his hands is a staple. In reality, this is a photo taken back in 2018 whilst he was receiving flack from party members for comparing Theresa May to a suicide bomber (for her handling of Brexit, ironically) as well as from the papers due to his rumoured (now also proven, in a completely non-surprising turn of events, to be true) affair with his former aide, Carrie Symonds.

So let’s shut this narrative-where we should feel for Boris because he’s doing his best, and apparently a better job than anybody else could’ve done in his situation- down right here. In a supposedly developed country with one of the world’s largest economies, if we’re talking by proportion, our COVID-19 death toll is up there with the worst of them. It seems that every other state figurehead (bar a small handful), and I mean almost every single one of them, is doing a better job. People love to throw figures out there about how densely populated we are to combat damning statistics as if we haven’t got just as many factors playing to our advantage, as if it’s unfair to compare our response to Germany’s or Japan’s or Singapore’s (both of which are far more densely populated) or New Zealand’s or Vietnam’s, but we are an ISLAND with world-leading technology and infrastructure and healthcare equipment and professionals and a relatively high standard of living. In what world is almost 70,000 dead in a country with abundant time and means to prepare a response reflective of said country’s leaders doing a good job?

Apparently we’re supposed to believe that Johnson feels some sense of moral responsibility for this astronomical failure. A man who refuses to acknowledge the multiple children he has fathered outside of his marriages and who has had repeatedly engaged in affairs and one-night stands throughout said marriages. A man who continued to cheat whilst his most recent wife was receiving treatment for cervical cancer, for fuck’s sake. Yep, a real stand-up guy.

So where does this idea that Johnson must feel remorseful for this catastrophe come from? We haven’t seen a second of remorse or a hint of accountability for the lives lost from him nor any members of his cabinet. That much is really no surprise; I have this hypothesis, and it’s not a stretch, that these people do not have an ounce of empathy in their bodies. These ridiculously privileged, privately-educated individuals who have had everything handed to them their entire lives simply cannot put themselves in the shoes of the average working person and that is the problem. Unable to recognise that what distinguishes them from most others is little more than the luck of being born into wealth and the abundance of recourses and connections that has entailed throughout their lives, they see us as beneath them-as less intelligent, less driven, and thus less deserving of the status and respect they enjoy. They see us as a bunch of whining, unmotivated idiots who do not recognise the chokehold they have over our media nor the fact that everything they do is a desperate grab to keep money and power within the hands of a select group of people, an exclusive members club from which most of us are barred (just take a simple Google search and watch Jacob Rees-Mogg’s opinion of the Grenfell victims or the buried Johnson speech where he talks about how inequality is essential). They know that we will squabble amongst ourselves about who is to blame rather than wising up to the truth which is that every decision they make is fuelled by cronyism and the inability to make and follow through with difficult choices, the pandemic being no exception. The supposedly self-made elite see the life of the average working class person as having far less value than their own, and their parties actions over the last 10 years have made that very clear.

It was in December 2019 that the first case of COVID-19 was declared to the World Health Organisation and on March the 11th that they announced they considered it as a pandemic. In Wuhan, people were dying of pneumonia in their clusters. And what was Boris Johnson doing in this time? Well for starters, here in the UK we didn’t even have a pandemic committee-Johnson had scrapped it six months before. If years of benefits cuts and defunding of the NHS in favour of funding nuclear weapon programs, keeping British troops on other people’s lands, and tax breaks for the mega corporations that donate to their party didn’t convince you that the Conservatives have little regard for human life, them getting rid of this committee-whilst a pandemic has been declared year after year as the greatest threat to mankind-should have been the first sign of trouble. As if that wasn’t enough, he also skipped five of the COBRA (meetings are made up of a cross-departmental committee put together to respond to national emergencies and PMs routinely attend those pertaining to crises on the scale of COVID-19) meetings addressing the situation. Whilst other countries were closing their borders and stocking up on PPE, Johnson and his ministers were selling PPE abroad and simply telling people to wash their hands to the length of the tune of happy birthday. Their only policy was one of “herd immunity”, which was in fact not a policy but just an abandonment of their party’s public duty disguised as one, intentionally obfuscated with pseudoscientific jargon.

Even thinking the absolute worst of politicians you would hope that when it came to the point where the UK’s non-response to COVID-19 was becoming an international disgrace, Johnson and his ministers would take proper protective measures if only to save face. But when they eventually seemed to do so, it became clear that the priority was not the safety of the ordinary people affected by the virus. Outsourcing their test and traces system to companies such as Serco, Sitel, Deloitte and G4S rather than public health services, Conservative ministers could not resist attempting to line the pockets of their friends and benefactors in the process. According to the Guardian, instead of reaching out to the experts or using publicly funded services to handle COVID containment measures, the Conservative party has awarded a disgusting £1.5 BILLION WORTH of contracts to businesses with explicit connections to its MPs and donors, the majority of which lack any relative experience of the tasks they’ve been trusted to carry out. Unsurprisingly, the National Audit office found that when awarding contracts relating to the production of COVID-19 protection measures and treatment needs, there was a “high-priority lane” for suppliers referred by senior politicians and officials; companies with a political referral were 10 times more likely to end up winning a government contract than those without. On top of this, it is not hard to draw a link between the late initiation of lockdown measures and preemptive openings of pubs and restaurants against scientific advice to the interests of frequent donors such as Wetherspoons owner Tim Martin. Even if one chooses to ignore the blatantly obvious correlation between the owners of the businesses whose profits were prioritised over safety concerns and the number of those owners who donate to the Conservatives, party officials at the very least were reluctant to follow the lead of many other countries in financing furlough schemes themselves and instead avoided this responsibility by using loose lockdown measures to leave it down to the discretion of small business owners, who couldn’t themselves afford to furlough staff, whether or not to stay open.

Time and time again, as the government flounder and fuck about, favouring personal desires to keep their powerful, high-paying jobs and to satisfy the corporate allies who make this possible, blame has been shifted from the public to care homes to NHS workers and back again whilst we, the public, make the biggest sacrifices of all under the illusion that we were being guided out of this pandemic rather than lied to and thrown under the bus. Whilst the elite continue to pick and choose what rules apply to them, it’s students and the elderly and the vulnerable paying the fines and scrabbling to afford basic living costs and hoping that they don’t lose someone dear to them.

Don’t get me wrong, a large proportion of the public have contributed to the spread too with their selfishness and entitlement and the arrogance it takes to develop a sudden refusal to acknowledge basic science from experts who have studied in the field their whole lives so that they can justify their need to go to the pub (speaking of, it’s absolutely HILARIOUS how many “mental health advocates” are suddenly coming out of the woodworks on football avi Twitter after they’ve spent years calling people on mental health Twitter attention seekers). And don't get me wrong, there were inevitably going to be casualties of this pandemic. But it didn't have to spread to this many people, and there didn’t have to be so many deaths due to a lack of preparation, and this wouldn’t have been the case if it weren’t for the inherent apathy of the Conservative party towards the lives of people of lesser status than them, the reluctance to put those lives before party interests. I wish I felt like there was an end in sight, I wish there was some positive takeaway from all of this, but even now, we continue to see corners being cut with the vaccine lauded as our saving grace and anti-maskers gathering outside hospitals to chant about how “oppressive” it is to be urged to wear a bit of cloth over their faces for the short periods of time in which they leave their houses and all I can think of is the selfishness that runs like poison through our country. It makes me sick and leaves me to question desperately where we go from here. I don’t like unanswered questions, I don’t like feeling politically directionless, and I don’t like the growing fear I have about the state of the world which seems to intensify every single day. In the UK at least, it’s starting to feel like nothing will ever change-we’re told we live in a democracy and yet mainstream media is owned by the people whose interest is to keep their Conservative friends in power. The stronghold they have over print media in particular allows them to continually get away with smearing and defaming every person who comes along and seems to want to actually help ordinary people, without being challenged, to the point where the only kind of “opposition” we’re left with promises nothing but a big boss approved tactical reshuffling of the status quo (which they call “electability”); it doesn’t feel like democracy when the majority of the country are being fed misleading information and convinced against voting in their best interests.

This is the result of that. The state we find ourselves in is the inevitable result of being manipulated into helping the elite build their protective wall whilst the rest of us scrabble to get in and step on each others heads along the way, the people inside shouting over that it’s those even more vulnerable than ourselves that are taking our places. Outside the wall, the earth is falling from beneath our feet, and instead of throwing over the ropes to help us out, the people inside are stockpiling them so they can secure their firm place above ground and then later flog the rest. How many more people have to die before we reach some kind of widespread realisation of that? Where do we go from here and what do we do? Well for one, we can stop spreading those god-fucking-awful textposts on Facebook and get our heads out of our arses. Wear our masks over and wear them over our fucking noses. Have some fucking consideration for others. Don’t wait til an issue affects you personally to give a fuck about it. AND START HOLDING THE FUCKING PRIME MINISTER AND HIS MINISTERS AND HIS ENTIRE PARTY AS WELL AS THE OPPOSITION MPS THAT HAVE SAT BY THE SIDELINES AND ALLOWED THIS TO GO ON WITHOUT PROTEST ACCOUNTABLE. That would be a good start.

I’m so tired. Things didn’t need to be this way, and yet because of the selfishness of the few, thousands upon thousands are dead. It’s not about “throwing around blame”, it’s not about “throwing around” anything, it’s about expecting a leader to do his best to protect lives. If that is “throwing blame”, let’s get things clear, I have no issue with hurtling it torpedo style at those who handed out a death sentence to so many in this country rather than do anything that might compromise their own privilege. Honestly, pass me the shovel after and I’ll happily bury the wreckage in the ground. Who wants to join?:-)

#rant #politics #anti capitalism #anticapitalist #covid-19 #covid #england #labour #socialism #fuck the tories #fuck the torys #fuck boris #rant post

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #390

“i am the enemy, here to save the day!”

When was the last time you woke up in the middle of the night? I do this LITERALLY every night. Do you write? (Songs, poems ect..) RP posts and rarely poetry. What is the easiest type of YouTube video to binge watch? Probably a good let's play of a game I'm really into. Do you color Easter eggs still? I haven't in years. I would if it was offered up, though. Do you prefer to decorate with pastel colors or bright colors for Easter? Pastelllll. Do you own a cross necklace? I did in the past, but I don't now. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don’t wear shorts. Do you prefer bright colors, dark colors, or pastel colors? Pastels. What’s something that makes you tired? Socializing. Like it's physically draining to me. Do you like drawing or painting better? Drawing. Do you own any foreign coins? No. Do you prefer soft tacos or hard? I hate tacos. Any recent purchases? My niece's birthday is coming up, so I bought her a Disney version of a board game from my childhood called "Pretty Pretty Princess." She's going to love it. :') Do you ever make mixed CD’s for anyone? I never did, no. Are you into gory movies? Yeah. Have you ever been locked in a room forcefully without anyone knowing? omg no Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No. Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Me. Though I obviously didn't die. Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Twice. What is your favorite online smiley face to you? I think I use (: the most. What is something that freaks you out no matter what? Seeing babies move in their mother's stomach makes me want to shriek and vomit. Do you have any fetishes? No. Do you take a lot of photos? Sigh, not as much as I used to... I just don't know what to photograph anymore. Never leaving home doesn't help. Do you have big ears? No; I actually have very small ears, as has been pointed out to me. Do you have a laptop, desktop or both? A laptop. Have you ever met an online friend in real life? Yes! :') There are more I wanna meet. What would you say is your favorite color, out of them all? Baby pink. Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes. What are you most known for? In my real life, my art "skills." Online, probably my obsession with meerkats. Do you have a problem with body hair? Nope. The stigma of it needs to fucking stop. If you bathe yourself and keep your hair groomed, who the actual fuck cares what YOU do with YOUR body. Have you ever been so depressed, you were put on medication? I've been medicated for depression since the 7th grade. What is one thing you think is gross about the human body? Fluids like pus gross me out. Have you ever witnessed someone being murdered? Jesus, no. o_o At what age do you plan to get married? I'd like to as a young adult, but it's not that big a deal for me because I don't want kids (I wouldn't want kids 'til marriage if I did). Do you have any candles in your room? No, but a wax warmer. Ever make a friendship bracelet for someone? Yeah, as a kid. What have you been made fun of for the most? People love to pick on me always being on the computer, when I REALLY wish they fucking wouldn't. I'm aware it's an issue that I've had before I was even a teenager and it makes me SUPER self-conscious. When you’re visiting a site, do you still type ‘www.’? No; I kinda forgot that was a thing, lol. Can you still read the time if an analogue clock doesn’t have numbers on it? Yeah. To whom will/did you first talk about the first time you’ve had sex? My mom, I think. What is something you didn’t like about being thirteen? Acne lmaooo. What can you hear right now? "Girls" by Marina. It's really been jammed in my head lately. Do you think it’s okay for kids to have cellphones? Depends on the age and the phone, imo. I personally am for the idea of (slightly older) children having some sort of cell phone with limited applications, just because emergencies happen, and if I was a mom, I'd want my child to ALWAYS be able to reach me like if they were at a friend's or something. I'll tell you right now kids don't need extravagant iPhones, though. Again: limited applications, also to prevent addiction. Do you have any siblings? If so which one of them do you get along with the best? I have one brother and technically five sisters, but I know nothing of one of them. I don't really know who I get along with best...? I'm sadly not exceptionally close to any. What’s your favorite TV show? And who’s your favorite character from it? My favorite show of all time is Meerkat Manor, wherein my favorite character was Mozart. What kind of signs do you use when you pose for pictures? I usually don't make any, but I'll sometimes do a peace sign. What math subject is your favorite? Um, none? How about science? Genetics. Do you have a favorite Youtuber? If so, who? And what is your favorite video by them? Markiplier, obviously. :') Favorite video... I think it's gotta be the first video of the Dark route in "A Date With Markiplier." It's, uh, special to me lmfao. What’s your favourite Mexican dish? I just like quesadillas. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah. Well I mean, Mom has. What’s the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Jason. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To be happy and satisfied with what I've done. Have you ever visited someone in prison? No. What months were you and your siblings born in? I was born in February, my younger sister in April, and my older sister is a June baby. Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? No. x_x Do you have any injuries at the moment? No. Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? Average. Nah. Have you ever taken an acting class? No, not my thing. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Yikes, no. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Venison. Basically anything hunted primarily for sport. If you killed something that did not need to be killed to provide for yourself, I'm not touching it. Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? No. Who was the last person you complimented? I think my mom? She's doing great with her diet, and I can tell she's lost weight. Do you like spring rolls? Yeah, they're decent. What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Court. What’s your favourite type of curry? I don't know if I've ever tried any. Have you ever had casual sex? No. Not my jam. If your phone rang right now from a number you don’t know, would you answer? Nope. What was your first pet’s name and how did you pick that? My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow. I could NOT tell you why I named a green lizard "Shadow," but I called Squeak "Squeak" because he, well, squeaked, lol. How tall are your highest heels? Not high at all. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. Last thing you looked up on Wikipedia? It was a band that needed a Wikipedia link to go on the Silent Hill wiki. Someone pointed out in trivia that Tears of Mankind covered a SH piece. Should guys keep their shirts on at shows? Unless there's a good reason, like you're seriously overheating, I think so. What about girls? The same as guys. I do think women should keep their bras on though mostly for their own protection because people are pigs. Do you have multiple playlists on YouTube? Yes. What is a goal that you have trouble accomplishing? Losing weight, apparently... What color is your Easter basket? I don't have one anymore. My childhood one was a light tan basket with a baby pink frill around it. What do you need to get from the store right now? Mom just got groceries the other day. What is something that you used to feel ashamed of, but now you don’t? I can't think of anything. EVERYTHING embarrasses me, so. What is your favorite part of growing older? Uhhhhhh. Are you hypersensitive? If so, in what ways are you hypersensitive? Yes, to textures in food. What’s a drug that’s made you gain weight? Paxil was the first, but I worked it all off and got in the best shape of my life. Then Abilify absolutely destroyed my body as far as my weight is concerned because my doctor was an absolute, utter fucking idiot that I will never forgive. Is there a piece of jewelry you have your eye on right now? No. Do you believe that people can be asexual? Bro the fuck, of course I do. What color is your Bible, if you have one? I don't have one. When are you at your happiest? When I first wake up and get on the computer. New day, same shit, but don't tell me that. :^) Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? I mean, it really depends on my mood as well as the weather, but generally, indoors. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? Nope. Where did you go, the last time you left your house? My sister's house to celebrate her husband's birthday. Do you like your singing voice? Meh, it depends on the song I'm singing, but usually, no. Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? No to both.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''brand new numb'' by motionless in white

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lawrenceop · 4 years

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HOMILY for 17th Sunday after Pentecost (Dominican rite)

Eph 4:1-6; Matt 22:34-46

“Love God, and love your neighbour” – this summation of the “great commandment” is so well-known. But maybe we know it too well because we often miss a crucial part, the bit that always strikes me most: “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Mt 22:39). And then I wonder, do I actually love myself?

For there always seems to be something about ourselves that we don’t love: our weight, our looks, our bodies. And so, many people religiously take themselves to the gym, or put themselves on special diets, or even undergo surgery to change their bodies. Or maybe we just don’t love who we are now – we feel like a nobody. And so some think that buying a new smartphone, or becoming a social media influencer, or even having the ‘right’ friends can make them somebody. But, often, what we’re doing is just finding different ways, through possessions or status or achievements to mask our fear – a fundamental fear of being found out that we’re really a nobody. Or at least, that’s how many people can see themselves. And it’s mainly because they don’t really love themselves. For, very often, many people can just about manage to love a version of themselves, a version that’s either acted out or projected into the future. And, sadly, for some people, belief in God and having a religious faith adds to the pressure – some might feel that we need to perform and behave properly and prove our worth to God.

But not if, as St Paul says in the epistle, we were “called to the one hope that belongs to your call”. For our hope is not placed in ourselves and our worth and on what we do. Rather our hope is in Christ and on what he has accomplished once and for all on the Cross. As St Paul says, our hope is in “one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one Father of us all.” And so, our Gospel, our Christian Faith, the Faith of the Church, says that God is Love.

What this means is that we don’t have to prove anything to anyone. God just loves you; he loves me. And the proof of God’s unchanging love is the fundamental fact that you and I exist; we have life and being. For our very being, and all that is – all created things – are constantly held in being, maintained in existence, by the power of God’s Love. If God stopped loving us, stopped willing our being, we would simply cease to exist at all. Hence, we Christians know that the fact that we’re around at all is because God, pure Love himself, simply wants us to be. We don’t have to prove our worth – it just matters to God that you and I exist. For in God’s eyes every human person is a somebody, and he loves each and every human being so much that he became Human alongside us, and suffered and died for us. “One Lord, one faith, one baptism”, says St Paul. And through holy Baptism, Christ claims us for himself, and says that we belong to God our Father.

It was with joy, therefore, that I read in the newspaper this past week of the baptism of a child called Wilfred. He was baptised at Westminster Cathedral, and so saved from his sins, and incorporated with you and me into the Mystical Body of Christ. Together with him, and indeed, together with all the baptised, no matter what they have done, we objectively share through this one baptism: one Lord, one faith, one hope, one Father of us all.

I was especially dismayed and surprised, therefore, to see a number of Catholics going online and decrying this baptism because of the moral actions of little Wilfred’s parents. Wilfred Johnson’s father, as it happens, is currently Prime Minister of this country, and Wilfred’s mother, Carrie Symonds, is herself a Catholic. The moral irregularity of their relationship, and the personal morality of the parents of Wilfred is, for some, an impediment to Wilfred’s baptism. Some have said, shockingly, that Wilfred should not have been baptised because he had such unworthy parents who had done such scandalous things, and were living in sin.

In reply, let me turn to St Paul: “God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” (Rom 5:8) The problem, it seems to me, is that some Catholics still think that man has to be worthy of baptism; that we have to prove our worth before God before he can love us, before we can have access to his grace. But this is heresy. Last Monday was St Matthew’s feast day, and the Gospel for that day reminded us of Our Lord’s rebuke to the Pharisees: “Go and learn what this means, `I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mt 9:13) For again and again the Lord confronts us with this basic awesome truth: that one is called into being; that we exist and have life; and that he offers us the grace of salvation not because we are lovable, but because he, our Saviour and God, is Love. But if we do not know and experience the gratuitous love of God, then it is harder to love ourselves, and even harder, then, to love others.

We find the fact of God’s love hard to to grasp because our experience of love is often far too human – there is always some self-interest in our human loving which is why we have an anxiety about not being ‘good enough’, ‘pretty enough’, ‘funny enough’, &c. for others to love us. But God’s perfect love means that he gains nothing from us, needs nothing from us, wants nothing from us. Pure Love just wants to give, and pour himself out for our sake, for our good, for our delight. Thus God gives us life and salvation as a gift which means that your very existence, your being, you, are a gift; a grace.

Ours, therefore, is a Gospel of grace, and this is the crux of our Christian Faith. Do we believe in this pure Love? Do we believe that God loves us even if we think we’re unlovable? Indeed, God loves me, even if others think I’m unloveable? Too many people think that God’s love is conditional, and that we have to earn God’s love, and this terrible heresy keeps many people away from the true Faith. Therefore, St Paul proclaims our “one hope” in Christ alone, and in his love for all men, made visible on the Cross. Many people say they do not believe in God, but we Christians say that regardless of that God believes in them, which is why he gives life to all people – both good or evil – and he offers salvation to all Mankind through Jesus Christ… even if your dad is Boris Johnson! Only our God of Love is like this, and it is him the Church bears witness to, it is him that we preach.

Belief in the gratuity of God’s love for you, for me, is the most crucial thing if we’re to live out the great commandment. Hence Pope Benedict XVI said: “Those who are unloved cannot even love themselves. This sense of being accepted comes in the first instance from other human beings. But all human acceptance is fragile. Ultimately we need a sense of being accepted unconditionally. Only if God accepts me, and I become convinced of this, do I know definitively: it is good that I exist. It is good to be a human being. If ever man’s sense of being accepted and loved by God is lost, then there is no longer any answer to the question whether to be a human being is good at all.”

Brothers and sisters, if we wonder why so many in our world are sad, joyless, and in despair, and many turn to the false acceptances of drugs and pornography, it is because tragically many of us do not love ourselves. And we cannot because we do not know the profound love of God. We might have been told it, but we have not experienced it. The Dominican theologian Fr Herbert McCabe suggests that if we want to know God’s love, we must begin with gratitude, which means being thankful for what is, thankful for the gift of being alive, with my particular gifts and circumstances, and not just wishing that things were different, that I was better looking, thinner, cleverer, richer, or whatever. Rather, ponder these words of St Paul: the one God is “Father of us all, who is above all and through all and in all.” Sometimes, this love for myself, and gratitude for who I am requires an act of faith.

Therefore, McCabe says that “it is our faith that God loves us that makes us able to love ourselves and, through that, to be grateful for the gift of ourselves. This gratitude for being is the first thing we mean by loving God”. From this comes gratitude for the gift of my person, my humanity, of me, which means that I don’t want to harm myself by sinning. Rather, I love myself, and so I love God by trying to to live and use my body, my mind, my whole being in a way that glorifies him, the Giver of every good gift (cf James 1:17). This is what it is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Mt 22:37) And then, finally, we can love our neighbour as ourselves. This means that we are grateful for who they are, that they exist, and we see the other person as God’s gift. It means that we delight in them, and in their being around. And it means that we care for their happiness and flourishing too which is why we want to reach out to them, and we rejoice when they are baptised and can receive the sacraments, and we pray for the grace of repentance and for a daily deeper conversion to Christ throughout their lives. We pray that they will love God more and more. This is my prayer for Wilfred Johnson, and for his mum and dad, and indeed, for all people, for this is how I can best love my neighbour: I pray, in the words of Our Lady of the Rosary at Fatima, that God will “lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of God’s mercy.”

Photo credit: Crown Copyright

#baptism #salvation #love #self #God #neighbour #charity #Wilfred Johnson

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tigsousa · 4 years

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INTRODUCING TIGS… @gallagherintro

⌠ CHAY SUEDE, 22, CISMALE, HE/HIS ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, THIAGO “TIGS” SOUSA! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in UNDECIDED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a shittier silver chain than connell’s, eDgY shirts with missing buttons, book rolled into back pocket, flipping everyone off, rolled cigarette tucked behind ear, bruised eyes or just bags?). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 20/01/1998, they always request their COCO POPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

INSPO:

liam gallagher

BIO

grew up in a pretty rough and dangerous neighbourhood in dc, filled with Street Rats

parents: irresponsible, violent, addicts, basically only kept him for the benefits. home life was pretty miserable where he picked up most of his traits and habits.

but at one point it got so bad, his grandma reported them and took him in. they served some time in jail. he doesn’t know what they’re up to now, doesn’t care to find out either.

no one’s perfect -- his dad obvs gets it from somewhere -- but his grandma's love doesn’t make him cry.

but he was an ungrateful lil shit ! so after a big argument, he left her and ran away/taken to LANDAN with a gang of grifters he met on da streetz for some gigs and what he thought would be Big Money

street fights were a common occurrence re: snatch *mickey o’neil vc* i’ll fight ya for it … if dc is here he learned how to fight, london is where he learned to fight dirty

the gang began to pull cons on a Bigger Scale until they got caught ! he was a Big Coward and ran away … but was sent back to the u s of a with 0 money lol (was p traumatic actually! ppl got killed! it still haunts him!)

came back 2 grandma n said sry a bajillion times n they made up

gma works as a housekeeper for a big time politician fam in d.c. and would get a few smol jobs for him as a pool boy or whatever else rich ppl have

but then his gma got ill and they don’t have medical insurance or da money for treatment so he dropped outta school and continued 2 swindle, in d.c. or where the money was tbh

gd thing about d.c. is politicians and they have lots of money !!!

it felt weird to scam people by himself. he wasn’t used to working alone so he started off small: hung out in bars, targeted politicians. end up in a hotel - they paid for it. long story short he got enough ammo to blackmail them into giving him $$ or he’d sell photos/videos to journalists ... n we all know how homophobic politicians are :clown emoji:

newayz … one of the cons ended up being a trap (fffff). they knew about his lil tricks n wanted to use him so proposed a deal: they’d pay for his gma’s everything, put her in the best hosp, pay off debts, send him to a good school which would secure his future !! in return they wouldn’t hand him over 2 da popo, clear his record, but he’d work for them + blackmails their opponents to strong arm them into votes or w/e

obvs he said yes bc he luvs his gma ..

PERSONALITY

Edgy n Cockney

has a dog called amigo

eats cereal out of the box for breakfast lunch n dinna xx it’s vegan xx

talks rly slowly, super lazy, as if he’s high 25/8

had 2 grow up quick so he is Mature but wasn’t allowed/able to Process all of his Shit so acts out + has childish tendencies (shock!)

super selfish + looks out for himself First … soz it just how it be it’s nothing personal

prefers to ruin things on his own terms so he is unforch #TeamFuckThingsUp

likes breaking thangs, likes burning thangs, likes gettin into fites .. For Fun !

rly just does what he wants regardless of whether it hurts other ppl – doesn’t rly care abt right/wrong .. aloof/detached/boner 4 nihilism yada yada

maybe that’s due to him liking d.c. coke a lot … a coping mechanism<3 microdosing mostly<3

if u get over all of that lol then he has a Deep side n has a lot of thots (which will b hard for me but o well) can be caring etc.

anti govt, anti rich, fuck da system a la vincent cassel in la haine etc. etc.

surprisingly Smort, likes 2 read + retains info like a sponge, good at exams without rly trying, will happily take exams for $$

likes getting to know ppl tho not out of genuine interest but also won’t say shit about himself

everyone at gallagher is stupid smart n kinda show offy abt it … highkey grinds his gears because he rly hates rich ppl and the govt and will fight u on it

will rationalise himself being at gallagher by saying he’ll destroy the system from inside out !!! lol ye rite

prefers to sit at the back, blend into the background, do his own thing

never chases after anything so if he does be suss

big fan of documentaries - louis theroux daddy

CONNECTIONS

friends: prefers 2 b more lowkey, more of a small chill group of ~pals than big groups of dumbos re: bros chat.

ex-friends: gimme platonic heartbreak! he has a tendency 2 fucc things up on purpose and will not hesitate to burn bridges 2 hide in da smoke (deep)

flings: type to kick u out bc he sleeps better alone and won’t hit u up for at least a week … no hard feelings</3

ex-flings: no emosh capacity for a full on relationship but it could’ve ended for a lot of messy reasons !! makes me laff

exes? he doesn’t rly believe in monogamy i’m sry . probs would’ve messed ur chara around a bit :// or mb it could’ve been legit srs i o n o

fre/enemies: he just … has 0 loyalties tbh so

met ur match: someone who just runs circles around him + plays his game better than he does ! its Messy !

senator’s kids: ur chara’s parent the one who took tigs in! probs shud be a Baddie tho

i cleaned ur pool: mayhaps he was ur pool boy one (1) summer + stole some of ur shit, maybe they got along, maybe they hate each other

pot head gang: talking about conspiracy theories on da rooftop at 2am pls ty

anti-painkiller: someone who is feeling shitty so hits him up to feel even worse . this cud become soft tbh . extra Spice if she wants 2 keep it a secret

underlined the good bits: based on dis lil nugget but instead of saving mankind make it taking down the government lol or a lil discussion or legit anythinnnn :-) bonus points if they dk each other :-)

why didn’t u ask me to stick around?: *peyton sawyer vc* erry1 alwayz leaves … n so did he !

the worst best partner: they were forced 2 partner up together but they rly rile each other up but lowkey werk well together and got a smashing grade ! he doesn’t care abt grades so probs someone who is a Show Off so he gets Aggro

if any of these fit ur chara/u vibin wit em, holla + we can go from there: uno, two, three, three and a half, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten point five, and most importantly: ot3 !!!!! and another one

#gallagher:intro #joining the 'pretend he looks less angry in this gif' gang #benefit of letting this sit for months is comin up wit actual connections uwu #idk wat im doin

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saizoswifey · 4 years

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Hey dear! So, it’s okay to be confused by the plot lol it’s actually a lot going on at once?? I don’t know how well I’ll be able to explain the concepts but I will try to do it very briefly and succinct just to give you the general idea of what the hell is going on in this game haha. [not replying directly to the ask because it will fuck up the photo orders] Also this got reeeally long, sorry!

Okay, so the first thing I will say is that mirrors are a HUGE concept in this game. Not only derived from Through The Looking Glass but also the Fatima Prophecies. Both of these are key plot points in the story.

“And we saw in an immense light that is God: ‘something similar to how people appear in a mirror when they pass in front of it’ a Bishop [Kiro] dressed in White ‘we had the impression that it was the Holy Father’….before reaching there the Holy Father passed through a big city half in ruins and half trembling with halting step, afflicted with pain and sorrow, he prayed for the souls of the corpses he met on his way;” [x]

“ …it was now possible for the protagonist of a story to participate in a hallucinatory experience — in this case on the other side of a mirror. The author [Lewis Carrol] seems to invite us to reflect on the fact that it will always be possible to participate in a different reality which is much closer to us than we tend to believe. At the same time, it provokes admiration for a girl [Alice/MC] that — within a frame of innocence — explores unknown territories, and assumes the challenge of the undiscovered with joy, expectation, and a bit of recklessness.“

“The mirror is used as a very intelligent and proverbial device. The images projected on it, those of people and their respective environments, seem to acquire a life of their own shortly after being observed. They are a reflection of the real world. But, at the same time, it is completely plausible to imagine a parallel dimension hidden behind those elements, which inherently will always be mysterious.”

This game uses the mirror concepts for MC’s ‘visions’ of the future, the mirror of herself in the Red Queen [literally referred to as ‘Mirror Self’ in the game], and also to describe alternate universes in the game where she exists but makes different decisions.

When she calls Victor and tells him of her vision about the lady being hit by the bus, and how the future had changed despite what she saw, it is understood that alternate universes exist and also perhaps that through the “mirror” of what she sees, that it is not always reality but a hallucination of sorts, distorted reality that can be rewritten.

Now add to this concept of alternate universes an element of time travel, LOL. Much like the White Queen lives backwards in time, through the looking glass. Okay, so with that out of the way, here are the Main Concepts this game revolves around.

Through the Looking Glass Chess Game

Red Queen Hypothesis

Fatima Prophecies

So starting with #1 and the most obvious, the main plot is based on the Chess Game in Through the Looking Glass.

MC=Pawn [to be turned into a Queen]

Victor=King

Lucien=Rook

Gavin=White Knight

Kiro=Bishop

In the story, Alice [MC] walks through the mirror and into a world of a human chess game where she is a pawn. She has to make it to the other side of the chessboard and there she becomes a Queen, meanwhile meeting all sorts of other characters/pieces along the way. And we in the game are waiting to see which Queen MC will become, evil or good?

Now, going along with that concept comes the second point, The Red Queen’s Hypothesis.

“Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” -Darwin

Evol powers are seen as an evolution in humans. This quote about having to run as fast as you can to keep in the same place from Through the Looking Glass is referencing evolution. Life is constantly evolving and adapting and you have to run to keep up with it and stay at pace, otherwise, you fall behind.

Survival of the fittest. This is the point of Lucien’s lecture in the recent chapters, about either adapting and evolving or being cast aside. Organisms must constantly adapt, evolve, and proliferate in order to survive while pitted against ever-evolving opposing organisms in a constantly changing environment. This is quite literally humans with Evol and humans without Evol in the game.

The members of Black Swan [an important term referencing a catastrophic event that normally can never be predicted, and you can never know if it will truly happen, but you should take measures to prevent it anyway. an event that is only predictable in hindsight (hence, the importance of time travel in the game and also MC looking through the “mirror” at alternate universes and futures] all believe that Evol humans are the way of the future and those that have not evolved with powers are essentially evolutionary fodder.

They stole children to experiment on in order to bring about the evolution of mankind, and they believe the world must be a world in which all humans have Evol. However, some members differ on how to bring this about, and some think that they should just wipe the earth of “unevolved” human beings.

Now, here is where it all kind of gets muddled between these concepts and Fatima Prophecies. To not delve in too deeply between the consecration of Russia to the Immaculate Heart etc etc, basically, these are predictions for World Wars and Hell. There would be catastrophic World Wars, and if they would unite under Our Lady Fatima [which I believe is MC] and convert to the New Ideals they would be spared, and souls would be saved and peace would be brought to the land. If not, they would know war, famine, etc.

So basically, we have MC making her way to evolving to becoming a Queen, Black Swan wants her as the Red Queen which will help them turn mankind into strictly Evolvers and bring about a new era and then you have the best peaceful destiny where she becomes White Queen. This is the ending Victor and Gavin etc are striving for. When she was united with the Red Queen, she knew she would have to die/leave that realm, because if not it would bring about the ending that Black Swan was aiming for. This might be the “check” of the Red Queen. BUT we know alternate universes exist so perhaps we will see MC in an alternate universe make different choices? Have a different path?

Now throw in a bunch of Greek mythology stuff such as their names like Ares, Helios, Kyrios etc. and you have a pretty complex plot lol. I hope this helped bring light to a few things and help you see where the story is going. If you read about Through The Looking Glass and the chess game, you can pretty much see the parallels in the story and where it is going.

#mr love: queen's choice #mlqc #love and producer #mlqc analysis #mlqc meta #mine

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may-fire-yana · 4 years

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r-ultrazul · 5 years

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From BF to YASHA, Yoshida never changed.

[This article contains heavy spoilers of YASHA and Banana Fish]

[There're two bonuses at the end of the article. Please jump straight to the end if you only want to know some interesting facts (also with spoilers).]

[As I’m not a native English speaker, sorry to make you tolerate possible language problems.]

===========================

After reading YASHA, I realized how it inherits part of BF’s theme. Basically, it picks out the “mirrored” relationship between Ash and Yut-Lung, then elaborates it with the story of a new pair of characters: Sei and Rin. They are artificial genius twins (genetically modified) raised in very different conditions, which results in their different characteristics, like the two faces of the god Yasha. Other settings are very similar, such as conspiracy involving Japanese and US government, Chinese underworld forces, secret experiments, and beautiful but dangerous prodigies…

Here I try to explain the inner connections between the two series, and how YASHA further elaborates some of Yoshida’s main interests while creating stories and characters. It also talks a little bit about Eve’s Slumber, YASHA’s sequel. (There’s no full English translation of Eve yet so I haven’t read the full story.)

1 The objectified children

Many of YASHA’s core concepts can be found in one of BF’s extra stories, “The Private Opinion” (thanks for the translation here) which tells how Blanca met Ash for the first time and became his tutor. Published in 1996 (YASHA started in 1996), it serves as a bridge between BF and YASHA.

1.1 The objectification of a child. In the short story, the primary job of Blanca was not taking care of young Ash. It was a "project evaluation," to see if Ash was worth working on. If Ash failed Blanca's evaluation, Dino would send him back to his ill fate without hesitation. Here we understand that Dino didn’t train and educate Ash because of love (which was not clearly explained in the original story). It was out of utility as if he was treating a product.

It's also how Amamiya Kyoichiro treated Rin in YASHA as his adoptive father, who raised and Rin as a tool instead of a son.

1.2 The artificial genius The short story reveals some of Blanca’s past. He was chosen as a child prodigy when he was young. After 15 years, only 18 out of 300 children survived, Blanca being one of them. Thus he tells Dino: “To artificially create an elite – that’s a saying of utter nonsense in the first place. Mankind isn’t strong to such an extent.”

However, YASHA is precisely a story about the “artificial elites” and the problems they bring about. Sadly Blanca never appeared in the story, so we don’t get the chance to see his reactions about the matter…

2 The unqualified fathers

Although Yut-Lung and Rin are portrayed as opponents in the stories, they are not the real antagonists or villains. The “delinquent” fathers are the real villains in both stories.

Yoshida has a strong tendency to portray negative fatherhood. Even in her early work, “Kawa Yori mo Nagaku Yuruyaka ni (Longer and Softer Than River)” the absent father is the one who ruined the protagonist’s family and got him to where he is. In BF, we see at least 3 characters that claim to be the “father” of Ash: his biological father, Papa Dino and Max Lobo, and two of them are not doing a proper job. Eiji also comes from a family that the father is not functional (in "Fly Boy, in the Sky," his father has been sick for a long time so young Eiji was under a lot of stress, and Ibe was the one who helped him to get through.

In YASHA, things become even more apparent. We are presented with several unqualified fathers.

Amamiya Kyoichiro, the adoptive father of Rin, is basically a milder version of Dino. He is not a pervert, but a “control freak” who treated Rin as a good product. He isolated Rin from all others since childhood to prevent him from “wasting his talent” and uses him for his own goals. Once he found out that Sei was “better”, he would dump Rin without hesitation, which left Rin in utter desperation.

However, what makes the character even more interesting is his cowardice, not his power and wealth. Kyoichiro suffered from the violence of his own father - a tyrannical patriarch - for many years. The bravest thing he ever did was trying to get married with Hisako (Sei’s adoptive mother) without his father’s permission. For him, such “rebellion” or “sacrifice” gave him the right to control Hisako as if she owed him a debt, making the woman run away and steal baby Sei from the laboratory. Later, when Rin was abused by his father, Kyoichiro didn't dare to intervene. Because of his cowardice, Kyoichiro turned from a victim to a perpetrator, causing Hisako’s death and Rin’s twisted personality.

But, being the initiator of many tragedies, Kyoichiro kept doing what he believes to mean love. He tried to clone Hisako because she was “the perfect woman”. He was willing to offer Sei anything only if the kid went with his plan. And, like Dino, he finally gave his life to protect Sei (Rin), making him another complicated, mixed character. Love or possessiveness, who knows.

The fathers of the main supporting characters are no good either.

The father of Takeru (Rin’s partner) impregnated his mistress as his wife was infertile. Then he brought little Takeru back and let his wife raise him, causing the break-down of two women and the abused childhood of Takeru.

Ken’s stepfather was responsible for the suicide of his little sister.

The father of Raymond Goldberg was a violent pedophilia, and Raymond grew up to be exactly like him.

……

Among them, Takeru’s father was the only one who realized that they must stop passing on the tragedy to the next generation, which somehow helped Takeru escape from destruction.

Personally, I feel that all these things make the ending of YASHA even harsher than BF. When Ash fell in the eternal dreams in the library, his soul was saved and filled with happiness. But Rin was staring at something that never belonged to him till the very last moment of his life, paying for somebody else’s mistake that had twisted his fate even before he was born.

3 The unconditional love

Love is another theme that Yoshida portrays in both BF and YASHA. What she keeps emphasizing is that the highest love is always “unconditional”. It’s something very close to “godly love”. It’s the way Eiji loves Ash, and the way Hisako loves Sei. Sei’s uncle Dr. Arisue, and his childhood friend Toshi also love him that way. “Love you whatever you do.” “Trust you under any circumstances.” – It’s a bit different from romantic love. In my personal opinion, that’s perhaps why Yoshida tends to deny the category of “BL” for BF, even stressed that Ash and Eiji’s relationship was “non-sexual” in “The Garden of Light”.

What would happen if people can’t love unconditionally? Perhaps the answer lies in Takeru’s question: “Why do people so easily become demons?”

They just shouldn’t ask for anything in return.

===========================

Bonus 1:

It’s definitely not a good idea to be the protagonists in Yoshida’s works. Because they leave us, somehow, in some way, even in the next story.

As a main supporting character, Sing Soo-Ling is the luckiest guy. He lives through all three stories and even has a son (named Lie, with Ibe Akira).

Bonus 2:

According to the interview in the Official Guidebook of Banana Fish, Yoshida said that Blanca was initially designed to be a woman. She wanted to draw an affair between female Blanca and Ash, but the idea was stopped by the editor. (Thanks for the translation here.)

This is her illustration of female Blanca (photo by me):

In YASHA, she finally got things done. What a persistent author… And that scene between Sei and Ru-Mei leads to the story of another sequel, “Eve’s Slumber” .

Fin.

R 2019-2

#YASHA #akimi yoshida #banana fish

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tifarobles · 5 years

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The 2019 LUCI Award Experience

This year, I was honored to be invited as a judge for the LUCI Awards at Evergreen Tabletop Expo. Being a serious gamer, with over a decade of experience working in the industry (including doing some design and lots of playtesting), I brought all I had to the table.

This award celebrates innovation, fun, and great game design - all qualities that I hold high on my list of importance when playing or purchasing games. It was crucial to me that I gave every game a chance and tried each one with an open mind, ready to learn something new and have a good time.

I took my job very seriously, knowing that every designer put their heart and soul into this game and in front of me to judge. This was an incredible opportunity for them to show off their hard work to a convention of passionate gamers and I wanted to respect that to the fullest.

The Wonderful Judges: Joseph Chen, me, Chris Glein, Paul Peterson, Victoria Cana, Bebo, and Emma Larkins.

In the end, I worked with the other six inspirational judges to reach the decision for the winner and runner-up! The team consisted of personalities from the industry with a wide range of knowledge and experience, making the conversations deeply interesting and lively.

#1: Cabinet of Curiosities by David Iezzi

Photo Credit To Be Bold Games

Congrats to David for the amazing game Cabinet of Curiosities! I absolutely LOVED this game. I didn’t get to complete a full game, but I knew immediately that I wanted to play it over and over again. It was the only game at the event that I would have immediately purchased to take home with me.

In this innovative set collection game, players take turns bidding on a tile grid of items. Whoever bids the highest without passing wins the final tile that is bid on. The tile stays in play, but players continue to bid on items until the entire board is assigned. Then, players get to keep their tiles and a second round of bidding starts on a whole new board of tiles. After that round, players score their final points to see who won.

The multiple levels of strategic thought required in this game is refreshingly unique. With set collection traits inspired by Sushi Go, the bidding in this game adds interesting player interactions and leaves you wanting to plan ahead while deeply relying on what others will do. You must be adaptive and willing to use diplomacy to your advantage.

In addition to this, one of the most appealing features is that each player has a secret objective that helps them gain extra victory points. This helps aid players in what strategy to play, which is very beginner friendly and adds to the overall game-play experience.

This is already a fantastically designed game and I look forward to owning it once it is complete and available!

#2: Mandalaca by Rob Lewis

Photo Credit To Be Bold Games

The runner-up was a sophisticated and unique take on classic strategy games. Only two months into production, the potential for huge success is very high and I expect to see this popping up in game stores some day.

Inspired by games such as Mancala and Go, this two-player turned-based game requires an intense amount of deep thinking and planning. Players each take on the roll of black or white and compete to gain points in their favor in the four colored sections on the game-board. This game captures the elegance of classic games and the complexity of modern strategy.

The game was beautiful with an appealing tactile feel and players were always left wanting to play again and again. One of the best aspects about the game is that it will vary depending on who you play. There are a wide variety of strategic plays and each person has a different way of thinking that will change how the game flows.

This game is also very family friendly and could help teach young children basic game mechanics and strategic thinking.

The following games were semi-finalists and I wanted to give each one a shout out for what I liked about their games. I hope to see all of these games on shelves in the future. Keep up the great work!

Ascending Koi by Nathan Holt:

Photo Credit To Be Bold Games

This hex based tile placing game puts players in the role of different fish in an attempt to teach empathy. Each fish has unique traits associated with their personality types and abilities related to these traits. Fish swim around the board collecting different insects that will help to achieve their abilities. The art style is relaxing and adorable. I absolutely loved this game and was sad we didn’t get to play an entire game. Teaching empathy is such an important goal.

Rising Tides by Just Us Games: This game won an honorable mention from us judges!

Photo Credit To Be Bold Games

Rising Tides puts the serious crisis of global warming into a fun, educational experience. Using real water, the gameplay is unlike anything any of us judges had experienced before. As a cooperative game, players must work together to save the United States from being flooded. As the game plays, you face catastrophic events and must make choices about the cities to save. This game is perfect for classrooms and museums.

For All Mankind by Julia Drachman and Doug Beyers:

Photo credit by Playtest NW

This classic mix of space exploration and resource management adds in an interesting element of movement and measuring. The planets actually rotate each round to change the space between them. Not only that, but players must actually measure the distance between planets before traveling the cosmos. With lots of fun building options, new resources each turn, and the threat of nuking your opponents this game has a lot of potential. I can’t wait to see the final design.

Flapjack Flipout by Peter Newland:

Photo credit by Playtest NW

This fast-paced dexterity game was definitely the most fun for kids. Players compete to complete pancake orders faster that the other players while flipping them over with paddles. In addition to the challenging dexterity component, you also must remember what flavor of pancakes you cooked and where you set them on the table. This is a great party game to pass time at the beginning of the night or a fantastic game to play with the entire family at holiday gatherings.

Gem Cataclysm by Beau Johnson and Nicolette Butler: This game won the People’s Choice Award!

Photo Credit To Be Bold Games

Portraying a gem stock market, this Euro-style game has a lot of strategies for players to choose in order to make the most money selling gems. Not only can players effect the market prices or gamble for gems by rolling lots of dice, but they can harvest their own gems by building caverns and hiring dwarves to mine for them. I enjoy the different elements happening in the game and can see why it was an exciting choice for the convention attendees.

I hope you get to check out these awesome games in the future! There is something for everyone.

#playtestnw #board games #luciawards #etx

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fictionfactorygames · 5 years

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Arcade Spirits Pro Tips!

– Database system online. Iris personality matrix engaged. – Access protocol: 35:34:31:54:12:24:45:43 – File access: AS1_FAQ.TXT – Begin_Transmission

Testing, one, two, three… ahh, hello! My name is Iris, and I’m your personal digital assistant through the world of Arcade Spirits! Today, I’d like to discuss a few tips ‘n tricks to help you get the most out of your gameplay. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil anything!

Taking Photos! What better way to capture a moment than with a ‘selfie,’ as you flesh-based entities like to call them? In Arcade Spirits, taking a photo is easy! Just tap the “S” key on your keyboard to Snap! a photo, which will drop right into your game’s file folders. That way, your cherished memories are saved forever! And if that pesky text box is in the way, just “Right Click” first to hide the user interface, then “S”nap your picture! Perfect, pristine images of your friends, your favorite places, and other delightful moments in time.

Basic Isn’t Bad! Throughout Arcade Spirits, I’ll be offering assistance identifying your responses based on various personality archetypes: Quirky, Kindly, Steady, Gutsy, and Basically. You’ll almost always have a Basically option, so if you don’t like the other two, go ahead and be Basic! There’s nothing wrong with that, and sometimes, it’s the best possible thing to say! Don’t be afraid of exploring your choices. Speaking of which…

Save Your Game! So you have to make a biiiig decision, but aren’t sure what to pick? That’s okay! Hit your “ESCAPE” key to pop open the menu, and save your game! You can do this at any time during the game. Become a time traveler! Break the laws of physics! Burn a hole in the fabric of space-time that consumes all mankind has wrought in a sweeping wave of destruction! It’s all good.

Quick-Reference Your Personality! Did you know you can check up on your personality traits and your relationships at any time? It’s easy — just tap the “Q” key on your keyboard, or left click your score in the upper right corner of the screen! Use this to keep tabs on things and make sure you’re becoming the person you want to be.

New Game Plus! Arcade Spirits has replayability, thanks to all the different choices and romance options at your fingertips. Want to play the game again, but skip past any text you’ve already seen? We’ve got you covered! Click the “SKIP” button or the “TAB” key to start skipping past that stuff. Don’t worry, the game will automatically stop when it hits something you haven’t seen yet, or when you reach a decision point! Also, on your second playthrough, your mouse wheel will act as a time travel device — step backwards and forwards to see what different choices do! Why do we even have general relativity? Take that, Einstein!

The Home Arcade Documentary! As a little bonus feature, you can also view a documentary prepared by Naomi that explains how YOU can make an arcade game for your very own home, using software and joysticks and carpentry and more — or less! She’s got tips for you to make a project of any scale, be it a little HDMI set-top box, or a full blown cabinet. Enjoy the classics of yesteryear the way they were meant to be played! To view the documentary, before starting or loading your game, go to the “PRIZES” menu and click on the Documentary option.

Music Too Loud? We’ve mixed the music to quiet itself whenever someone’s talking, but sometimes you just want it quieter still — especially if you’re streaming the game live on the Internet. In the Preferences menu, you can adjust individual sliders for Music, Sound Effects, and Voice. Click the “Test” button next to each to hear what they sound like working together! While you’re in here, if you don’t like our pink neon interface, you can change it to cool blue pixels or a simple grey box. It’s up to you!

And… that’s all for now! I hope you enjoy Arcade Spirits when it releases on the 12th, and I hope I’ve made your game experience just a little bit better. Have fun!

#visualnovel

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ezilyamuzed · 6 years

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There’s no place like home- part 12

Summary: The reader has had a unique gift all her life. While considering it a curse, she discovers the identity of her real father after her mothers passing. Journeying towards her new life, she finds herself thrown within the Winchester’s world. Is it her destiny?

Setting: End of season 13. This takes place after episode 13.18. Flashbacks are italicized.

Warnings: Language. Some angst, fluff, drama- a typically SPN episode. POV may switch after certain sections.

A/N: Big reveal within this part of the story that has been long awaited. The story continues on as the reader discovers what home really means. Sorry it has taken so long. I wish I could give this the attention it deserves , but life happens.

Any grammatical mistakes are all my own, because I am human. Remember all comments and feedback are welcomed! If you want a tag in future posts regarding this series or other writings please send an ask! As always thank you for reading! Enjoy!

*Y/M/N= your mom’s name

Series Masterlist

Laying your head on the simple cloth covered pillow, you knew sleep would not come easily. Dipping your face further into the cotton, that familiar smell ignited your senses. Dean. Like a memory from a dream, the familiar scent that was all him only made your heart beat faster as you breathed it in. The ache you felt inside only grew stronger as the thoughts of the unknown plagued your mind. In just a month, you had quickly found the world you had thought you had known, was intertwined with theirs. Surely nothing good would come of this. With every new twist and turn, the nightmare you had kept a secret was now growing stronger. You were a monster.

Reaching towards the old photographs that laid on the nightstand next to you, you allowed your eyes to document them deep into your memory. The smiling face of Dean with his mother’s arms wrapped around him provided a little relief that at least within the Winchester’s world there was love to be found. Moving to the other photo, the one of your father standing proudly with the two boys that have changed your world, you felt a tiny drop of a tear falling down your face. This was a family, one that you would never know.

The small tears continued to fall from your eyes while the thoughts of what might have been came to your mind. Their lives were far from simple or perfect. It was definitely not like the Home and Gardens lifestyle that you had grown up in, but it was theirs. The simplicity of surviving and striving for the good of all mankind was the life you had often admired from your encounters with other hunters. They did not care about the Gucci bags, pushing your way forward in a prestigious career, or having the perfectly maintained white picket fenced house. They just wanted to protect their loved ones, while saving others in the process.

Letting out a deep breath you sat yourself up, wiping the wetness from your face. Dean’s room was like a living museum of his life. The weapons hanging on the wall all primed to use at a moments notice, told you that he often never allowed himself to rest. That was definitely something that you had in common. Nights where you obtained more than 6 hours were a strange luxury that most likely meant that you had been drugged or knocked unconscious. The meticulously alphabetically organized albums in the milk crate made you smile, that like you he desired for their to be some sort of order in his life. The few casual and dress shirts amongst a couple of suits told the story of his adventures. There was a little blood stain on one of the sleeves, perhaps his own and old dirt markings on the cuffs of his pants. Although there was no designer labels along any of them, they all represented the care that he took in himself, and the pride he had in his appearance. Most often hunter’s looked like grungy, tired old men who had recently woke up in the middle of the woods, so there was appreciation that he took the time to take care of himself in the midst of it all.

You moved around the room, not finding sleep but intrigue in who Dean Winchester really was. Opening a wooden box on his dresser you let out a laugh at the Busty Asian Beauties magazines also neatly organized. For porn magazines, they were actually very well maintained and not worn out along the pages. He was actually gentle with them, definitely not how you were with him a few nights ago back in Sioux Falls. The memory of that night sent a shudder throughout your body, almost like your nerves were screaming to do it again. It couldn’t happen again, you had already decided. With everything going on, it was not just about the two of you anymore, there was something more goin on around you that you could not and would not allow a silly crush to interfere with.

Giving up on the thought of sleep you made your way out the door to the long hall. Glancing down both ends to your sides you wondered which way you should go. You closed your eyes tightly, listening for the sounds of the residents and their pet angel. Hearing muffled sounds coming from the area that you had first arrived at, of what you assumed to be the library, you followed as they continued. You had almost made your way into the room to be seen when you heard Castiel talking a little louder, specifically about you. You kept your back against the door frame as you heard them continue, awaiting for when you should enter.

“We do not have time dealing with some girls family drama,” Castiel spoke with command in his voice.

“Cas, it’s not like we have any other leads right now,” Dean interjected. “We will find a way to get Gabriel to help and we will bring Jack and mom back. We are stuck now, so we just have to keep moving. It’s not like there is some way to just magically fix all of this crap.”

“Locating the grace of an archangel should be your only concern,” Castiel growled before you could hear the sigh in his voice. “Dean, I understand that you have feelings for this...girl, but we do not know what she is.”

“What do you mean? What she is?” Dean exclaimed.

“She is not like anything I have ever encountered before,” Castiel stated calmly. “I do not know if she poses as a threat to our current predicament. Perhaps she has only arrived here now as a part of a grand scheme from one of your enemies. You must be careful.”

“Look Cas, I was with Dean when we met her,” Sam spoke up. “I believe everything that she has told us so far. I mean, yeah it's weird that she is connected to us in so many ways, but if you could only see the sincerity in her eyes, the anger in her voice… Cas, she I think she genuinely just wants our help.”

“And what about finding Gabriel?”

“Well, actually it seems that Y/N, has had some history with him,” Sam answered. “Outside, I happened to mention him, but she didn’t really say much about him before Dean came out.”

“You believe that she is able to contact him and bring him back?” Castiel inquired in perplexment.

The question moved you from your hiding spot, to met the wide eyes of the Winchesters, gulping hard in anxiety about what you had possibly heard.

“Calling Gabriel doesn’t work, he never answers,” you said while moving to sit on the edge of the wooden desk. “At least he hasn’t for a very long time.”

“How do you know of the archangel Gabriel?” Castiel demanded, staring at you intently for the answer.

“Well that is a long story,” you replied while shifting your eyes to the brothers settling themselves down to listen to your story. “When I was a little girl he came to me. It was around the time when I really started questioning things around myself...what I was seeing. He is the one who taught me what everything was and also what to do to with it.”

“You see him over there?” Gabriel stated while pointing towards a man with a greenish tinted light. “He’s a ghoul. They take on the form whatever human they last consumed.”

“So how do I kill it?” your twelve year old self inquired, while standing a little taller.

He smiled at your enthusiasm and shook his head. “Take off the head and you take out the monster.”

“Well what are we waiting for?”

“Hold on there little warrior,” he laughed while grabbing your arm. “You can’t just go around chopping off people's heads all willy-nilly”

“He’s not a person, you just said so yourself,” you bickered in response.

“Not everything that looks like a monster is one, and not everything that looks like a regular Joe Shmoo should be trusted. It was all in the big guy’s plan. You know the whole idea of free will? Everything has it, it was what you choose to do with it that makes you a monster.”

“So Gabriel was your Yoda?” Dean asked with a smirk.

“Basically. He would show up every once in awhile without really any reasoning behind his visits but to give me another lesson into the world of the supernatural.”

“When was the last time you saw him?” Sam spoke up.

“Like, maybe 11 years ago I think?” you replied while trying to remember back to that time. “He was really off, definitely not the same that he had been.”

“You have been busy lately,” you heard the familiar voice say from behind you. Turning your head to see the grinning angel, you wiped the dirt from the fresh grave you had just dug off on your shirt.

“It’s not like these demons are going to stop anytime soon. Seems to be more and more of them lately.”

“Yeah, someone left the door open a little too long,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “So how are you doing kid?”

“Hanging in there I guess,” you rolled your eyes. “It’s been awhile since you have graced me with your presence, so what is up now?”

“Things are getting a little noisey from the family, something big is going to go down soon between the bags of dicks I call brothers.”

“Michael and Lucifer?” you asked with your voice a little more raised. “I thought he was in a cage?”

“He is, for now,” Gabriel replied while moving towards you.

“What do you mean? For now? Gabe, if Lucifer gets out someone has to stop him,” you exclaimed in panic. “We have to do something.”

“We will not being doing anything,” he said while pointing back and forth between the two of you. “Take my advice and go run away to Cabo and enjoy the beaches, better yet find a nuclear bomb shelter and hide there forever. When it’s all done, the world is not going to be as fluffy with rainbows and sparkles as it is now.”

“What the hell is your problem?” You fumed. “You are telling me that basically the apocalypse is going to happen and you want me to go run away? No I won’t listen to it.”

“You have no idea what my brothers are capable of,” he retorted giving you a hardened look.

“Do you have any idea what YOU are capable of?” You shot back. “You are an archangel that I have seen do some incredible things like nothing else. Why can’t you see what I see.”

He stared at you deadpanned, no change of light or emotion to be found.

“I think the lessons have now ended Y/N,” he replied in a monotone voice.

“Gabriel,” you sighed heavily. “Look I know family sucks, but you can’t just roll over and let this happen.”

“Goodbye Y/N,” he said with a snap of his fingers, never to be seen again.

“That was the last time I saw him,” you sighed while moving a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ve tried calling him. Praying when things really got bad. Like when all the Angels fell years ago. I didn’t know…”

“He was not amongst them. Actually, he has been held captive by a Prince of Hell for quite some time,” Castiel informed you. You nodded your head to him, to show you understood.

“Yeah, well I’m sure whatever happened to him he deserved it,” You pursed your lips up. “Things just kept getting worse around here, and he just left without a care.”

“You said he used to answer you?” Sam asked with suspicion. “Why did he do that?”

“I really don’t know,” you shrugged. “I mean he had told me that I was something special, that there was no one like me. I guess for whatever reason I interested him.”

“Would…” Dean spoke up nervously, bringing your attention to him. “I mean, would you or do you think you could try again?”

“Make a phone call to save the world from impending doom? Sure, but I wouldn’t put all my nickels on it,” you nodded. “Like I said he didn’t care back then, so I doubt he will give a damn now.”

“Tell him it’s of grave importance,” Castiel chimed in. You have the angel a side glance before shutting them in prayer.

“Gabriel. It’s Y/N, we need to talk. There is a lot of shit going down right now, that only you can help with. I need you. Please Gabriel. Let me know you are at least listening.”

You fluttered you eyes open and looked around the room, hoping that your words might have been heard by him. Everything remained the same in its place, bringing a sigh of disappointment from all the occupants in the room.

“Try it again!” Castiel bellowed making your face turn to anger towards him.

“Cas, dude,” Dean interjected whole shaking his head. “He’s not listening to any of us. We will figure this out.”

Castiel stormed out of the room glaring at your direction. You kept your position, keeping your eyes back on him as he moved out. The sound of the chair next to you legs moving on the floor, turned your attention to Sam moving up from his seat.

“Okay, so we still have things we can be doing,” he said while leaning himself onto the table using his hands for balance. “I’m going to go grab some boxes.”

“This is a mistake,” you shook your head, making him stop in his tracks. “You two have more important things to do right now. Besides that, your little boyfriend doesn’t seem to like me or want me here.”

“Cas just has a lot going on right now,” Dean spoke up, looking to the empty doorway. “We will figure it out. We will figure this all out. Together. You’re family now Doc.”

The next 27 hours the three of you worked through every file in the ancient cardboard boxes. Going through the last entries of dead men who might have had a reasoning to who or what you were was exhausting. Dean would slip away only for a couple moments to provide fuel for your brains in the form of the best tasting hamburgers and coffee that you had ever had.

“You can cook?”

“I’m not just a pretty face,” he winked back before stuffing his face with the product of his labor.

You would laugh back at his little jokes while you continued in your search for answers. It seemed like you were on the quest for an item that didn’t exist. The truth. Castiel had made his way back after a few hours, and while he sat in silence going through his own pile, you would catch him staring at you out of the corner of his eyes.

“You know you would read faster if your eyes were on the pages Asstiel,” you blatantly would state.

A little chuckle would come from Sam and Dean to your comments towards the angel who was trying to find the answers on your face. He would mumble out an apology before going back to the files.

Tiredness was overcoming you when you felt like you had hit a dead end in your search. You tossed the folder down to you and laid your head into your arms on the table while closing your eyes.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” Sam suggested. “We can keep going.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” you replied without moving your head up to him. “I’ll sleep long enough when I’m dead.”

“That will be sooner than later if you don’t stop beating yourself up,” Dean suggested, which made you raise your head slightly to glare at him. “Why don’t we all take a little break to recharge ourselves? Get back to it in a few hours?”

You let out a deep sigh and nodded. You didn’t want to stop, but you knew he was right. The words on the pages were starting to jumble and you were pretty sure that you had been reading the same sentence for the last hour.

Sitting up straight you stretched your arms above your head. A whiff of your lack of showering hit your nose, turning it up in disgust.

“Maybe a shower too,” you replied. “I think I smell worse than a fresh corpse right now.”

“You aren’t that bad,” Dean laughed while moving over to you as you stood up.

He placed his hand on the small of your back guiding you out of the room before turning up is nose in jest. “Never mind, I guess YOU ARE that BAD,” he grinned widely making you smack him playfully on his stomach. “Let’s get you to the shower stinky.”

_________________________________________________________

Watching the two of you leave Castiel glanced over at Sam in amusement.

“It is nice to see Dean smile for once. Perhaps I was wrong about Y/N.”

Sam let out a breath of laughter. “Yeah Cas, for whatever reason I think this is the happiest I’ve seen him in years.”

“They have a strong connection,” Castiel stated. “It is not witchcraft or anything like that, but you can see it. No, it is almost kismet.”

Sam back in his chair thinking about the words that Castiel had just said. Kismet? Yeah, probably. What other reason could there be that they were just fit together so well? Maybe she was the salvation that Dean had been looking for. A reason to finally care about living, maybe giving him the proof that he was more than just a nobody in the world. Just maybe, she would be the one to save him.

_______________________________________________________

Dean led you to the shower room and handing you a towel as you entered. It reminded you of the locker rooms in high school that your teenaged insecure self used to dread.

“There is soap, shampoo, and conditioner,” Dean stated while pointing at the little shower caddy on the floor. “Basic stuff you need. Nothing too fancy.”

“Not very private,” you laughed. “I guess the men of letters were a very open group.”

Dean chuckled lightly in return. “Yeah, well don’t worry Doc. I’ll keep watch outside for you so nobody bothers you.”

You turned your face to his, only inches away where you could feel his hot breath hitting your face. Your heart started to beat a little faster as you flashed a smile while saying thank you while moving further into the room.

True to his word Dean left you to be alone while you showered. The hot water running down you felt nice over your aching joints from sitting for so long. Each bottle you opened gave you the distinct scent of Dean, which you happily applied and lathered up to clean yourself.

After throwing on a loose fitting t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts you made your way out of the room where Dean stood patiently. Your wet y/h/c hair laid unkempt down your head, leaving the top of your shirt soaked. He cleared his throat a little loudly before escorting you back to his room.

“Here you take my room, I’ll go take the one next door,” he said before turning to walk back out the door.

“Dean?” You said making him stop and turn in his tracks. “I feel bad kicking you out of your own bed. I mean it is big enough for both of us to sleep for a while.”

“Are you sure about that?” He asked with hesitation. “I mean, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I think we are past the point now where sharing a bed is considered uncomfortable. I mean, we did sleep with each other,” you smirked slowly from the corner of your mouth.

“Yeah, well if I remember correctly there was not much sleeping involved,” he grinned back.

“Yeah well, that was then. Now? Now I want to pass out and say screw consciousness.”

“You read my mind Doc,” he smiled while moving over to the side of the bed opposite of you.

The two of you climbed in, both with your backs toward one another as he shut off the light that was illuminating the room. It didn’t take you long to drift off to sleep where the nightmares had begun.

There was a woman crying on a cool metal table in excruciating pain. Light was shining down at her, distorting your vision as men were surrounding her in old fashioned doctor gowns speaking incoherently. Another woman reached out and grabbed her hand, telling her it will be alright. Her long neatly curled red hair surrounded her porcelain skin as she smiled gently at the tormented woman. You heard the sound of a baby crying as the screams grew louder from her. The comforting red haired woman looked down at the other woman when her blue eyes turned black.

Jumping straight up in the bed out of your sleep you could feel the sweat pouring down you skin. Your heart beating uncontrollably with your breath trying to catch itself in your heaving chest.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Dean asked while staring at you frightened from your startled awakening.

“I don’t... I don’t know. It was a dream,” you rasped out. “There was a woman crying in pain with men all around her. She was giving birth and a demon… a demon was right there with her. Dean it was so real.”

You dropped your head into you hands as you could feel the pain of the woman succumbing you, causing tears to once again fall. Dean wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest. He ran his fingers through your damp hair, whispering that it was only a dream.

“Dean, it wasn’t just a dream,” you cried. “I think… I think it has something to do with this place. With me.”

“Come on,” he said while letting go of you and standing himself up. “Let’s go see if the others have any ideas.”

________________________________________________________

Sam tried to push himself further into the files, but he had managed to succumb to sleep where he sat. It must have been a few hours when Castiel nudged him to go and sleep properly in a bed, which his aching back could only agree with. He stretched in his seat, considering moving from the task in front of him when he looked down at the file he had drooled a little on.

Dean and Y/N both walked through the archway together, looking still sleep deprived, but yet more alert as he read the words in front of him.

“So check this,” he stated loudly to bring the attention to him.

Y/N gave Dean a confused sideways glance as he just shrugged and said “it’s his thing. Just go with it.”

“Have you found something Sam?” Castiel asked while furrowing his eyes to the pages above Sam’s shoulder.

“November 5, 1955. The twins were born today. Both relatively healthy under the guidance of Cuthbert Sinclair, Henry Winchester and Josie Sands. The mother survived, although there were complications during the childbirth process. The first born, Abigail was strong and even at birth displayed such remarkable progress in her development. The second born, y/m/n was not has promising. During the delivery it was skeptical of her survival, proving that she was not as strong as her sister. Abigail’s future is promising toward the Men of Letters ultimate goal of creating the perfect specimen of defense against the darkness in the world.”

________________________________________________________

As Sam finished you felt his eyes land towards you, along with the others. Sister? Twin sister? No that couldn’t be. She never said anything about her. Why wouldn’t she of told you?

“Y/N, y/m/n was your mom’s name right? She was born in 1955,” Sam spoke up with sympathy in his voice.

“I...I didn’t know she had a sister,” you stammered out as you felt all the emotions hitting you like a baseball bat.

“Josie Sands,” Dean chimed in. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

“It is the name of Abaddon's vessel during her time amongst the Men of Letters.” Castiel stated while keeping his gaze toward you. “Your mother and her sister were created using dark magic for the purpose of becoming weapons against the evil.”

“My Mom never had any powers or special abilities,” you replied tearfully . “She was just a normal mom. A boring history professor who died of a normal, non magical disease like anyone else.”

“It is in your blood,” Castiel confirmed. “Your mother may have not been afflicted, but you, her daughter was born with the burden they had ignorantly placed upon your family.”

His words stabbed deep into your gut where you could feel the bile coming up your throat. The words from the demon days earlier whispering in your head, “Man-made monster.” It was all true. You were the genetic byproduct of a science experiment produced by a Knight of Hell and a bunch of men who knew nothing of what they were doing. The truth you had hoped and prayed that was not real was sitting there on the table. You really were a monster.

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hopeididntscareyou · 2 years

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How to Stop Eating like a landwhale

What is a landwhale?

A landwhale is a subhuman specie commonly found in Northern America. (I seriously haven’t seen landwhales in my entire life until I came to the US so to non-americans, i can testify that yes, landwhales actually exist, they are everywhere and in everyday america). There are currently 300 fucking million landwhales living in the US and it is a mystery how these creatures aren’t still dead yet despite the health complications a human being would have for consuming unhealthy food and excessive eating more than their tiny digestive organs can take.

Landwhales are the filthiest eye-sores known to mankind, they deserve to be slaughtered like the pigs they are and roasted on a spit to feed the starving people from whom they stole life-saving food and rendered to produce an alternate fuel much like whale oil.

Common characteristics of landwhales are: delusional, high amounts of insecurity, horny and in denial. They like to eat pizza, cry, talk trash with their fellow fat friends, eat pizza, act petty, fantacize theyre skinny, eat pizza in secret, photoshop their photos, eat pizza, cry about how they are trying their best to be healthy, cry while eating pizza, and most importantly, eat pizza while crying. Its been recorded in history so many times that they tend to be aggressive and will attack if provoked, so the best way to survive is to simply run.

Skills+ and support buffs

One of the landwhales power is to devour whatever is within 1M raidius from them 24/7. However, they are actually capable of going outside (unlike you autistic basement dwelling faggots). Their primary motivation is no other than their favorite delicacies (No it is not mediterranean food or brazilian steak, its the whole menu of Mcdonalds and of course, pizza).

How to Stop eating like a landwhale if living like a healthy human being doesn’t work:

Contrary to the popular belief, I actually have some little sympathy and want to see a landwhale turn into a human. But you have to understand how these species work. Landwhales are unable to live healthy. They simply refuse to do so because all they are capable of doing is be toxic and a burden to those around them. Here are my tips that can help landwhales achieve transformation without compromising their basic functions:

1. Be a videogame addict

So, i’m a gamer. Actually a game addict and for the most part of my teenage years i hung around with other addicts as well. We gamed too much we forget to eat and its always been that way. Anything else that isnt gaming for an addict is a chore and that includes eating. Landwhales are also known to be lazy fucks like us gamers who don’t want to do any household chores. The difference is landwhales cant lift anything, they are more whiny and will cry if they spend more than a 60 second of their time in a standing position. The downside of this is fatfucks end up ragequiting instead of using their thick layers of fat to absorb our heartwarming welcome to the party, which is “this is CSGO, not ‘My 600 lbs life’ (true story btw)

2. Watch extreme vile/deprave movies

Landwhales are known to have low empathy. They are unable to sympathize with their family/caretakers who have to put up with them on a daily basis. They don’t care even if they bring others down by their insecurity/laziness/depression. Because of their apathy they feel extremely bored and resort to food to feel less empty. But a good way to indulge without consuming food is by watching gore. One of the side effects of watching gore is the lost of appetite.

For starters i would recommend August Underground Mordum, Salo, Guinea Pig, Angel’s Melancholy, Carcinoma and Cannibal Holocaust. If youre too much of a pussy to watch these, I guess the mainstream would do (Saw series, Wrong Turn, the Hostel, Human Centipede, Green Inferno) and a visit to a shock video website is a plus. Btw, don’t ask me why I know all these stuff.

The only downside of this is there is a possibility that the landwhale would enjoy its food while watching someone gets disemboweled. For a normal human with a normal functioning brain, the shock effect would usually make someone physically and mentally sick (symptoms include throwing up and being too traumatized to eat for several days/weeks which are good ways to lose some of that fats) but with landwhales it can be a different case, a common expectation would be a development of new fetishes (necrophilia, bestiality, fucking a new born baby, and projectile vomit mixed with hair, feces, urine and blood).

Fasting aka Starve yourself to death

Not eating and drinking (aka dryfasting) for atleast 5 days is the most healing thing you can do to your body and mind (if u only do 3 youre an amateur). Dry fasting is a practice that isnt supported by the society because its lack of research. Apparently, coca cola company don’t want to fund a study about something anti-consumerist. Surprise!

Even for people who practice what they call fasting when all they do is actually called ‘water/liquid diet’, its a common belief that human beings would die after 3 days of not consuming water (which is idiotic). I would argue that landwhales have more than enough water and fat deposits in their body that will sustain them for a year.

Stop being a fatfuck who destroys everyone around you for being insecure. Game and watch Salo instead. 👍

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