#there's no scandal and it's not a mental health thing (again... as far as we know)

[wickymicky]

gyuri leaving fromis 9 is sad, but of all the ways for a member to leave a group, this is really the best possible one. she's leaving to follow other passions, after being with fromis for a long time through a lot of hardships. this is better than a scandal in every possible way. like, she's not leaving because she did anything wrong, or because the company did... she's leaving because she feels it's the right thing for her to do.

and the company is supporting that! imagine if you were an idol but you really wanted to quit, for whatever reason, and your company DIDNT let you? that would be awful! so really, this is a very good thing. it's sad, but it's good. you know?

so seriously, i wish her the best. she’s been with fromis from the beginning, to when they had a year-and-a-half long hiatus, to when they finally were successful and now regularly achieve at least a few music show wins during every promotion. the only time she was absent from fromis before now was when she was competing on produce 48, and like i’m not totally sure exactly why she did that, but the reason she stated on the show was that she felt like she needed to improve faster in order to keep up with her members (im sure part of the reason was her company wanting to promote fromis via her appearance on the show, too. which is kinda iffy, but gyuri suffered through that like a champ. she did so much for fromis). i think she’s earned this departure. she didnt leave when things got tough, she’s leaving when things finally seem stable, and she feels like it’s the right time to pursue this other passion of hers (i’m assuming she’s gonna be focusing on acting). 

and so... yeah. i guess my point is just that like... as far as departures go... this is like the ideal way to do it. a few groups i really like have lost members recently, and each situation is very very very different from the others, but this one is the only one where i’m like “dang... but good for her though <3″

#with garam it was like ''wow none of this shit should have happened. why wasnt this dealt with BEFORE she debuted #how did soumu fuck up this hard????'' #and with jiyoon it was like ''wow... i feel so incredibly bad for her... i hope she'll be okay... take care jiyoon ily'' #two very different situations of course #and im not comparing them! i'm contrasting them #and gyuri's departure is especially different because there's nothing directly negative (afaik) #there's no scandal and it's not a mental health thing (again... as far as we know) #so it's easier for me to process this one #then again im not a gyuri bias and it would probably be harder if i was. i was/am a jiyoon bias so that made that even harder #did other groups lose people recently? uhhhhh a few i think.... someone left ichillin but i dont know any of the members #i just heard about that. jiho left oh my girl as well but i dont really stan them and also theyre a veteran girl group #so its not that big of a deal all things considered. like same with apink #when members start leaving groups 7+ years into their career... that means that the group has made it and been super successful #so i think thats fine. gyuri's situation is similar though obviously fromis isnt quite at that veteran status yet #im a little worried that chuu is going to leave loona. it is seeming like that might happen. it'll be a bit similar to gyuri #because she will probably focus on her content that is already very popular but... it'll be very different from gyuri too #because if it happens... it will 100000% be bbc's fault. no question. unambiguously. i hope that doesnt happen #thoughts tag #long post

[blurblicalscripture]

happy tears

warnings/ MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, Self harm scars, smut smut smuttttt, loss of virginity

pairing/ established relationship eddiexfem!reader (she is very sensitive...aren't we all)

summary/ it's y/n's birthday. she's happy to have made it this far—with convincing from eddie

"The big 2-0. You made it babe." Eddie set down the little store bought cake in front of you. Foregoing candles, he had shoved a joint into the cake and lit it.

You smile up at him, taking the joint out of the cake and licking the icing off before inhaling. "I'm surprised I made it this far." It had been intended as a joke but came out a bit too heavy.

The rawness of it hangs over the two of you for a second too long before Eddie chimes in. "I'm so proud of you, babe. Twenty years old. And you finished high school two years ago. That's more than I can say for myself".

He wraps an arm around your waist, reaching for the joint with his free hand. "Only the best for my girl." The butterflies travel from your stomach all the way up, through your smoke filled lungs and into your throat.

"I was wondering why this hit so quick," you lilted. Eddie brought a hand to his chest in mock scandal but couldn't help the smile slipping through the cracks. The weed was better than usual—like some people reserve champagne, Eddie keeps his best strains for special occasions. And you are very special to him.

"Really, though." You kissed his cheek. "Thank you. It's very you."

His smile faded a little, a hand coming to rub the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't do anything huge for you this year. I've been trying to save for a place, you know."

"Eddie." You cupped his cheek. It was a little warm as he leaned into you.

His gaze into your eyes was so tender you thought you might be sick—that's what you were. Lovesick. Completely, utterly lovesick. Side pressed to his side, fingers grazing as you passed the joint, there was something burning inside that made you ache with fondness.

Minutes later you find yourselves lazing on the couch, half eaten paper plates of cake balanced on your laps and giggling into each other's mouths.

"You've got a little-" he licked the corner of your mouth, "icing there." You hiccuped a 'thanks.'

"You've got a little-" you licked the corner of his mouth this time, "icing there."

"No, I didn't." His brow creased.

"No. You didn't." Laughter bubbled up and broke your false sincerity. Eddie leaned over and licked a long stripe up your cheek.

"Eww, Eddie! Your tongue is all...cakey." You wiped it off with a palm, brushing it down the thigh of his jean.

"Just making sure my girl is nice and clean on her big day."

"Oh, right. I forgot it was my birthday." You dabbed a bit of icing on your finger, licked it off slowly. A bit too sweet, but red velvet with cream cheese was your favourite and Eddie never failed to please.

"How could you forget such a thing?" He gasps, theatrical as always. Your eyes soften on his. "Eddie?" Your voice is soft.

"Yes, my love," he lilts, still with the dramatics.

"I-uh-thank you for making me happy to celebrate my birthday. I know I said I was surprised I made it this far but you're really the reason I'm still here at all so thank you."

His eyes are glassy, brows furrowed. You press a thumb to his temple. "Oh, Eddie, don't cry. It's a happy thing. Really. I'm happy to be here. With you."

He wipes his eyes, huffs out a humorous "shit." You smile when he looks up at you again, eyes dry. "Right-right. It's a celebration!"

"Exactly." You wrap your arms around his neck.

"Speaking of which, I think it's time for presents!" He sprung up and you whined, making grabby hands like a child.

"I will be back in a flash, babe. Count to ten." He slid along the little hall of the trailer in sock feet, fast as lighting—well, he felt so anyway.

"One, two, three..." You for some reason brought your hands to your eyes as if this were a round of hide and go seek. Eddie's smile split his cheeks when he came back into the room, three boxes in hand.

"Okay, open up sweet thing." He tapped the back of your hand. Giggling, you stayed still. "C'mon. I miss those eyes." He pouted. You opened up finally.

"There's my girl!" He cooed. "Right," he handed you a box, "biggest one first. I think you'll like it."

You gasped at him, placing the boxes on the sofa beside you as he kneeled in front of you. "Oh, Eddie. I- you weren't meant to get me three. I can't—this is way too much." You felt the beginning of hot tears in your eyes, a heavy stone sinking in your stomach.

"Hey, c'mon, none of that." He cupped your cheeks. "You deserve more than I could ever give you, you're everything, okay." His smile was terribly soft. "Now, dig in. I wanna see what you think."

You sniffed, laughing wetly at his impatience as he pressed a box into your palm, this time the smallest one.

You dug your finger under the crease in the paper, tearing it in two. The little black leather box fell into your lap—either a ring or earrings, which made the butterflies crawl all the way up to your throat again. Nobody had bought you jewellery before.

You pried it open to find a pair of homemade dangly earrings. They were made of some mini D&D dice, the perfect size.

"I know they aren't the best but I made them myself...well, Dustin might have helped a little." He chuckled.

You stared into the box in awe. "Eddie, I-"

You sobbed, more of a hiccup than a cry.

He immediately cupped your face, thumb pressing under your eye to hopefully staunch the tears.

"Hey, hey, hey, what is it?" You sucked in a breath, desperate to tell him. "Nobody has ever gotten me something this nice before. I don't deserve this," you weep, snuggling into his chest as he wraps his arms around you.

"Oh, you're breaking my heart here, y/n," he says. You want to ask what he means but you think you kind of know. "Thank you," you say, and nuzzle into the fabric of his shirt. His hair is like a curtain around you and you don't really want to get out.

"C'mon, try 'em on. Wanna see if it's possible for my girl to get even prettier." You giggle as you slip out your tiny silver studs and replace them with the dice. They're the perfect weight in your ears, and the gentle dangle against the side of your neck serves as a reminder of Eddie, which makes your chest swell with something warm.

"You're killer, babe," he says with that signature Eddie smirk. Your cheeks burn a little from having such a huge smile for so long. "Next one?" you chime shyly. He shakes his head, coming out of whatever trance you had put him in. "Right, okay, so this next one I need to explain because I don't want you to get nervous."

"Eddie if there is an animal in that box I am going to pass out on this couch," you declare, deadpan serious, to which he promptly bursts into a fit of laughter.

"Ohhhh, no, babe, this is worse. You're gonna love it though," he hands you the box, "and we'll only use them when you decide the time is right."

"Hmm. 'Kay, but I'm not one hundred percent sure I like you right now," you nervously joke as you tear the wrapping with shaky fingers.

"I love you, too," he lilts.

"Oh." It's a box of condoms. You can't make yourself meet Eddie's eyes, deep in a thought.

"Look, I know it's kind of silly, but I just think you should have 'em, you know, for whenever you're ready." His hand is on your arm, soothing. "Sorry if it's like a weird thing to give you on your birthday. I just thought—"

"It's perfect, Eddie." You lean forward and peck his lips. "Thank you."

"It's not that I'm asking." His cheeks are beet red. "I just want you to know that the option is there."

You haven't had sex with Eddie—yet. You want to, though, you're just a little nervous. But seeing him flushed and flustered over the same topic somehow dulls that trill of nerves inside you.

"Is Eddie Munson nervous right now?" you tease. "You're stealing my bit."

"Hey," He scoffs. "Shut up. You can never be too prepared." You cackle at that but soon quieten, thinking.

"Eddie?"

"Yes, love," he says, gazing into your eyes, a burning stare.

"I do want to," you say. "Y'know, if you do. Been thinking about it."

He sighs in relief, his shoulders dropping. "Oh, trust me babe, I want to. But are you sure? Just because I got them doesn't mean we need to do it right away." His palm is still warm and steady against your arm, giving a small squeeze now and then.

"There is 100% no pressure at all, okay?"

"I promise Eddie. I want you. I do," you lean forward, place a hand on his cheek. It's hot.

He clears his throat. "Well, good thing I saved the best for last," he says, placing the biggest box in your lap—biggest is generous. It's a medium sized, rectangular box. You shake it and hear nothing.

"Not a puppy," you say.

"This is much more exciting, babe, trust me."

You tear off the wrapping to reveal a deep purple box. On the front is a line drawing, the silhouette of a woman's body, and "Ann Summers" in large writing. You lift off the lid.

It's a wand.

Eddie chimes in on your silence as you inspect the gadget. "I know how much you love to play with your little toy at home." You blush madly at the memory of Eddie finding out about your little bullet. "I figured I'd get one that we could maybe use together. You can keep it for just you, though—" he quickly adds "—if you're more comfortable with that. It is totally your call, babe."

His lip is between his teeth now, breath held as he waits for a response. You lift it out of the box, hold down the on button. A pleasant buzzing emits from the toy, gentle, and as you press it again it gets faster, faster.

"Eddie?"

He hums in regard.

"Can you show me how to use it? Please?"

"Oh, baby," he says, scooping you up off the couch. "Of course I can. Now?" he asks, stopping to wait for an answer.

"Please, Eds," you practically whine.

He makes his way to his room with you in his arms, the vibe and condoms in your hands.

You shake your head a little to feel the earrings jingle and you laugh.

You feel Eddie's arms holding you so tightly but ever so gentle, like you're porcelain.

You feel encapsulated by tangible love, it's thick in the air.

He sets you on the bed gently, taking the two items from your hands. "We'll get back to those, babe, promise," he says, moving over you.

His forearms are either side of your head—he had swept your hair out the way before he laid down to prevent any tugging—as he leans down for a kiss.

You move up eagerly to meet his lips and he laughs, the sound a sweet, lovely thing.

"Is it okay if I take my shirt off?" he asks.

"Mhmm," you hum. "C—can I take off mine, too?"

His grin is cheek splitting. "You can do whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel comfortable." He brings his shirt over his head in one swift movement and all thoughts of removing your own are lost as you gaze at his torso.

You had seen him shirtless before, though fleetingly, swimming or just finishing changing, in bed when he was healing from the worst day of your lives. You got lost in the contours of his muscles, the detailed artwork that adorned his chest and arms. The scars from the Upside Down that have healed now.

You understand. You have healed scars of your own. Little lines of silver, raised skin that trail down your forearms. Eddie understands, too. He's kissed them a lot over the years, cried with you over them, loved you all the same.

Brought back to reality by the sounds of his steady breaths, you lean up to drag your own shirt over your head before you lose your nerve. You aren't wearing a bra.

Eddie swears his heart stops for a second as he gazes down at you—cheeks all rosy, lips swollen and wet from kisses, your perfect chest and cute lil stomach laid out all pretty.

"You're beautiful, y/n, really," he says. You shy away, turning your face on the pillow.

"'m not," you mutter. He laughs. "My shy girl, c'mon." You can't fight your smile at him as he turns your face, featherlight fingertips on your jaw.

"Okay if I touch you, please?"

You breathe out a shaky "Yes."

He doesn't go right for your breasts; he leaves you waiting with baited breath, slowly trails barely-there lines along your neck, shoulders, collar bone.

His touch burns, excitement and fondness and love pooling in your stomach and chest. Arousal pooling somewhere else...

Finally you lose some patience, opting to arch your back, pushing your chest out. You take his hand, making eye contact as you bring his warm palm to your breast. He gets the idea and brings the other up, cupping both of them.

"Y'so soft, so pretty," he says. He brings his fingertips down to ghost over your nipples and you gasp. "Theeere you are," he drawls. "That feel good?"

A high "mhmm" is all you can manage as he keeps playing with you. Touching, squeezing, rubbing, it's already too much and you've barely started.

He reaches a hand to his side, grabs the wand. He wiggles his eyebrows at you as he presses the button, smirking when the buzzing sound emits. He brings it to your nipple and you gasp, chest jerking up.

"Oh, Eddie, that—that's good." You're laughing, smiling, high on his touches. He brings a hand to your cheek and at the same time moves the wand down, barely grazing over your skin til it reaches just above where you want it most.

"You ready, sweetheart?" His thumb swipes over your cheek, below your eye. "Yes, please," you squeak, hands on your chest that's moving up and down quickly.

Filled with trepidation, you don't expect the gentle buzzing of the lowest setting to be so blissful. You moan from deep in your chest and Eddie huffs out a breath through his smile. "Shit, that's so hot."

"More, please, Eds," you groan. He flicks up the wand another couple settings and your hips jerk wildly, scooting away from the stimulation.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." He flicks off the toy. "Too much?" His hand is steady on your hip, grounding in the way he grips it.

"Yeah," you huff. "Felt like I needed more though." You lean up on your elbows. "It was really good but... I don't know. Something was missing."

You glance down, the bulge in Eddie's jeans looking painful. With less fear and more curiosity you reach a hand down, palm his cock. He grunts. "Fuck, baby. That what you needed?" He hooks his thumb into the waistband, pulls his pants and underwear down at the same time. "Should've just asked."

You gawk at the size of him. He chuckles. "We're gonna go nice and slowly, that alright with you, sweet thing?"

You swallow. "Okay," you say, voice high. "Will—will you play with me first?" You bring a hand to your lower stomach, rest it there.

"Of course. Gotta get you ready for me, make sure it feels comfortable, yeah?" His hand is on your thigh, the wand still gripped in the other. "You wanna stop and we'll stop. Just say the word."

He explores for a bit, mumbling a "this okay?" or "feels good?" every few moments. And it is. All of it is perfect. You're dizzy under the movement of his hands, legs weak. When he finally slips in a finger you're keening, the touch against your gummy walls is overwhelming. He slips in another and you're gasping, groaning out his name when he curls them up.

When he presses the wand to your clit you're a goner. You moan out his name tearfully, voice thick with pleasure and exertion. You feel blissfully drained as your orgasm comes to a stop, the pleasant pulsing of your clit and fluttering of your walls echoing the moments earlier.

Eddie is smiling down at you with the same love and adoration he always has. It's sickening how sweet he looks, cheeks flushed, eyes soft. You need him closer.

"Ready now, Eds, please?" you lilt. "Gonna fill me?"

He groans at your words. "Fuck, y/n, you're gonna kill me one day, you know?"

You're giggling madly, stroking your hands up and down his ribs as he tears open the box of condoms, puts one on.

"Tell me to stop if you need me to, ok? I mean it sweets. I won't enjoy myself unless you do." He's hovering over you now, elbows caging in your head. You lean up to whisper in his ear. "I trust you, Eddie. I'm ready."

With that he presses the tip in, a gentle pinch that elicits the tiniest groan but he hears it. "Still okay?" He smooths out your hair.

"Yeah, 'mkay." You breathe deep. "I love you, Eddie." Your eyes are teary, cheeks red. You clench your eyes shut and he kisses each lid, coaxing them open. "I fucking love you too, you know that. Every bit of you." You're rolling your hips now, lightheaded at all of this.

He slides in more. You nearly tell him to stop when the stretch blooms in your abdomen but then he's bringing a hand down to rub your clit and you clench around him and - "Oh, fuck," you whine. "Just like that Eddie, please don't stop."

He's grinning wildly at you as you pant and moan, chest heaving. You fully relax, taking his thrusts with ease and excitement. Your hands come to his hair, giggling as you tug at the strands near the back which makes him groan. "That's it, y/n. Such a good girl for me."

At that you're toppling over the edge again, clenching down around him. He murmurs "shit shit shit," and keeps rubbing your clit fast. The drag of his cock against your walls is fucking angelic and he cums embarrassingly fast, moaning out your name.

He lays on top of you for a little bit, a cuddle position you're both used to, before pulling out. He knew you needed the weight to relax you so you could loosen up once again. "Fuck, you're so perfect. Haven't cum that hard, like, ever. Haven't cum that fast since I was a fucking freshman," he says, incredulous.

You snort, lean your forehead into the crook of his neck. "That was a looong time ago, Eds. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though."

He takes your hand. "I'm glad you were there with me for all that time. I mean it. I wouldn't be me if it weren't for you." He kisses your palm.

Your eyes pool with wetness, but before he can fret you're blurting "happy tears, happy tears." and smiling. Your side by side now, legs and arms tangled, so so close.

They are happy tears. Still, he kisses them away.

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie stranger things #stranger things s4

[shirefantasies]

Hello!

I don’t know if your matchup requests are still open and if not you can totally ignore this, but I was wondering if I could get a Lotr/The Hobbit matchup (preferably male).

A bit about myself:

Female / 5’7 / eneagram 6 / Gemini

My top two love languages are quality time and acts of service.

In my spare time, I love to read and write. It is a great passion of mine, and I hope to make something of it one day.  Sometimes I journal as well. 

I love to be outside in nature because it allows me to unwind after a long day. I also really like going on walks while listening to music in the mornings.

I do have a horrible habit of getting so wound up in projects that I forget to rest both mentally and physically. Taking care of mental health has been the primary struggle, but I have gotten better at it over time. 

I prefer to be kind to all I meet, but sometimes my desire for justice gets in the way.

I also really like watching people do an activity. Sitting in silence watching someone else do something they’re passionate about is very healing and cozy for me.

My personal aesthetic can be described as vintage-inspired; think long skirts and blouses. I love brighter colors such as pink and lavender, but I don’t mind darker tones on occasion, especially when the season calls for it. 

Some other things that I like are sunsets/sunrises, animals of any kind,  warm beverages like coffee or tea, a clean space, collecting gemstones, candlelight, and soft blankets. 

Things I dislike are bugs, getting rained on (I love the rain, don’t get me wrong, but the sensory experience of having rain fall on me is not ideal), large changes in plans, people talking too loudly, and just rude people in general.

Again, if your requests for matchups are not open, feel free to ignore this, but I thank you for taking the time to read this. 

Have a wonderful/blessed day, 

-Finn

Heck yeah! I opened them indefinitely since I wasn’t overwhelmed with them :))) your Middle-Earthly match is…

Our Boy Lindir :)

Returning to Rivendell on errand from Elrond, you are met with one of his most trusted confidants, another finely dressed brunette elf who greets you with a smile. “I wasn’t warned of any visitors,” he jokes, giving you a charming look, “who might you be?” “Finn, they call me,” you dismount and curtsy as your horse is taken away, “and I come for an exchange with Lord Elrond, if you please. If he is on business, I can-” “Stay, please,” the elf bids you with a sweep of his hand, “we hardly call ourselves the last homely house for nothing. If you can wait until after supper our lord shall be happy to make your audience.”

Easily you can, thus you are granted a room and a meal with the elves, where you are sat with none other than Elrond himself. Lindir, the elf who had greeted you, stands at his side, and you smile at him. Clear as it is that he is not partaking in the meal, you find yourself drawing him into the conversation once the discussion of your craft ends. The…servant perhaps? appears surprised to learn you are a collector and dealer of gemstones. “Don’t worry,” you tease him, “I don’t mine them myself too.” Supper goes well, your deal with Elrond for the gemstones he needed happily closed and yourself quite charmed, both by the fact Rivendell’s lord is making jewelry for his distant wife and by the gracious hosting of his servant.

Offering to walk you back to your room under claim of his home being quite the labyrinth, you ask Lindir how he finds his duties and what the most difficult part is. Simply put? Rude patrons. Your own distaste for the impertinent gets the better of you, and soon the pair of you are swapping stories outside your door. Laughing far louder than you’d have thought allowed in the great ornate settlement. Soon darkness overtakes the hall, however, and pressing a kiss to your hand, Lindir bids you a good night. It hardly escapes your notice the look of scandal across his own face, but in your kindness you choose not to address it.

Sunrise over the Valley of Imladris is one of the most majestic sights to ever pleasure your eyes; sipping the warm cup of tea another early riser shared with you, you glance beyond the spill of golden light to see Lindir making his way to set a harp near the tables. “Getting the players ready this early?” Shaking his head, he confesses the sunrise inspires him, inspires him so that he enjoys rising with the sun to compose songs. Lightning up, you carry your teacup over his way and share your own love of composition. Soon even the gorgeous sunrise fades as you are lost in song, melody overtaking your ears as Lindir sings a poem you’d penned on your travels. His passion is nearly palpable, flooding your heart with comfort and joy and all the same warmth of your invigorating tea. Passage of time utterly forgotten, your musical moment is only interrupted by Lord Elrond’s entrance and passing, quite amused, comment that you two are quite an unexpected gift, are you not?

Heat rushing to your face, you excuse yourself to attend to your jewelry-making. Once again, minutes or hours may have passed when a knock sounds at the door of your lent workspace. Stretching and wincing at the unpleasant pop, you stride across the room on shaky legs to open the door. Lindir! “I…I apologize, Finn, but we were rather concerned when we were told you hadn’t emerged again.” Raising the tray in his hands, one lain with a light meal and drink, he smiles. “We appreciate your work for Lady Celebrían, but please don’t forget to take care of yourself, too.” You could have kissed him then and there, but you waited a week until your departure, goodbye making the taste of his soft lips that much more bittersweet.

More and more frequently do your journeys take you back to Rivendell until the day comes that Lord Elrond himself appoints you his craftswoman…and winks as he inquires that you have more than just a home to return to now, do you not? He knows the trials of love between elves and mortals just as well as he knows it is a choice made freely.

Lindir honors that choice day after day, always appearing as if with prescience that you’ve thrown yourself into your work again. Sometimes you slip into sleep there in your space, awakening with your favorite blanket draped over your hunched form and a cheeky note inviting you for a morning stroll when you’re up for it.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰

#lord of the rings #lotr #lotr imagines #lotr x reader #lord of the rings matchups #lindir #lindir x reader #lindir x female reader #female reader #matchup monday #ask #findelyfantasy #requested #hope you love it! 🫶🏻

[xxrainshadowsxx]

New Elite, Chapter 2

Was this supposed to be out last week? Yes. So... sorry. Mental health decided to be a bitch. So, I won't waste any more of your time and let you get on with the chapter.

The following week passed by in a blur, and before you knew it, Nellie was waking you up on the morning of your debutante. You take in a deep, shuddering breath and she draws the curtains back, letting in streams of sunlight. You didn’t feel ready, but that did not matter. Ready or not, you had to do this.

“What perfume would you like for today, miss?” Nellie asks as she bustles about. “I know it’s not something we usually use, but seeing as it’s such a special occasion, I don’t think your mother would object.”

“Rose,” you decide after little consideration. It was a comforting scent to you, and in no way scandalous, so your mother had no reason to disapprove. “But Nellie, isn’t it a little early to apply a scent? It’s only morning.”

“I’m going to iron your dress with it, miss,” she explains. “It’s mostly already finished, it won’t take long now, but we really want that scent to stick with you all night. You best be getting along to breakfast now, you know your mother doesn’t like it when you dawdle.” She tweaks your nose affectionately before dressing you for the morning. You don’t pay much attention to the attire she selects. You’ll be changed out soon enough anyway.

All throughout your meal, your mother prattles on and on about what you’re to do and how you’re to behave yet again, nearly causing you a headache.

“Remember, the first thing you’re to do is speak with Mr. and Mrs. Dix, and congratulate him on his election as governor,” she’s saying for the umpteenth time that week. As if you could forget. This whole part happened to the celebration for Mr. Dix being elected as governor, and it also happened to be the first major event for New York society after you turned eighteen. In old times, your family would have had to have hosted your debutante themselves, but such customs weren’t standard anymore. And according to your mother, you couldn’t have asked for a better event to come out at. All of New York society was sure to be there.

As far as you were concerned, however, you would have taken any other event. Even though this was a political outing, it would largely be attended bipartisan; it would be considered an insult to not come. Even Mr. Stimson, Mr. Dix’s opponent, was invited as a sign of good faith.

So in addition to everyone being there, half of the attendees would be unhappy. Unbeknownst to your mother, you had followed the election closely, being a secret champion of women’s suffrage. The election had been a tight one, from what you could gather from under your mother’s ever-watchful nose.

“After breakfast, I want you to practice the newest dance,” your mother says with a meaningful stare when you’re very nearly done.

“Oh, Mother… I’ve rehearsed it until my feet have bled,” you protest. You’re not exaggerating either; Nellie has had to take special care with the blisters that have formed on your feet from the endless dance lessons. “Can’t I have the morning to myself?”

She raises an eyebrow, and you know before she starts speaking that this simple gesture means all hope is lost for you. “Certainly not,” she sniffs. “Have I not impressed that this is the most important night of your life? You can never be too prepared. How would it look if nerves betrayed you and you forgot the steps? You must have them mastered beyond any chance of fault.”

You sigh, but say nothing further. It seemed that you were to be doomed to both a morning and an evening of pained feet. At this rate, you’d have arthritis before you reached thirty.

Thankfully, you manage to get through the morning without reopening any of your blisters, though the arches of your feet are throbbing. You rub them the entire time Nellie is putting the finishing touches on your dress, before your mother can come in.

But far too quickly, the sun starts to set, and that can only mean one thing. It’s time to start getting ready. You’d take a thousand days of sore feet to put this off, but that’s not an option. All you can do is take one last breath for strength before Nellie puts on the accursed corset.

Since making the finishing touches on your dress the previous week, getting dressed goes quickly enough, and then mercifully, you can sit while Nellie pins up your hair. This process does take some time, since you simply have so much hair to pin.

At least you didn’t have to wear one of the increasingly large hats your mother favored. Being unmarried, you could still show some of your hair. Nellie decorates it with a few pretty, and most importantly, not ostentatious, feathers.

You hardly recognize yourself when you’re finished being made up. You don’t appear quite so young as the first time you put on the dress, but instead you’re caught somewhere between youth and being grown. You don’t love it, but your mother is fawning over it, and of course it’s far too late to change.

“Milady, the buggy has arrived!” Nellie calls, spurring you into action. You pull your gloves and shawl on, then follow your mother to the foyer. “Tell me how it goes,” Nellie whispers just before you cross the threshold, and she closes the door, and your old life, behind you.

You take the footman’s offered hand as he helps you into the buggy, then he sits at the reins and you’re off. You’d told your mother that most people would be arriving in automobiles, but, ever the traditionalist, she’d insisted on doing it this way. Probably because it was cheaper.

However, it’s not a far distance. You only have to brave the New York winter for a matter of minutes. And when you do arrive, you’re far from the first ones, and true to your prediction, most of the transportation you see are indeed automobiles. Focusing on details like these helps keep your mind off of what’s about to take place.

But of course, the buggy stops, and the footman comes back around to help first you and then your mother down the steps. Ready or not, it’s time.

“Chin up,” your mother hisses as a final form of instructions before you follow her inside.

It’s not so much a different world; you’ve grown up with the elite of New York since birth, but always on the fringes due to your age. The room is a glittering white, only a few shades darker than your own gown. An orchestra is playing soft music in one corner, though it’s obvious that the dancing has not quite begun just yet. Supper was to happen first, and there are tables lined with gleaming plates, silverware, and stemware.

For the moment, however, the attendees are milling around, greeting each other. Mr. and Mrs. Dix are easy to spot in the center of the crowd as everyone is expected to make their way to them as soon as possible, and sure enough, it’s towards the two of them your mother steers you towards.

She finagles your way through the crowd expertly, managing to seem casual while constantly moving the both of you closer to her target. As soon as an opening presents itself, she plants you right in front of the Dixes, and she and Mrs. Dix greet each other like old friends, although to your knowledge they were merely acquaintances at best.

And then came the dreaded words out of her mouth. “I don’t believe you’ve met my daughter before?” she says as she gestures you forward.

You dip into a quick curtsey. “It’s lovely to meet the both of you. Congratulations on the results of your election, Mr. Dix,” you say with the quiet confidence that’s been drilled into you. Both of the Dixes regard you politely.

“Is this your first event of the season, dear?” Mrs. Dix asks you. You hope it’s only because she noticed the color of your dress and not because of any social ineptitude.

“Yes. I only turned eighteen a couple of weeks ago,” you explain, willing your cheeks not to become pink.

“Well, we’re honored to host your debutante,” Mrs. Dix says, and you hope she isn’t faking the warm smile on her face. It can be so difficult to tell in high society what is fake and what isn’t.

“Well, we won’t take up any more of your time at present; I’m sure you’re quite in demand this evening,” your mother laughs. “But I do hope we’ll have further opportunity to speak later.” You smile your own farewell-for-now to the Dixes before following your mother into the rest of the throng.

“Well done,” she whispers, and you feel an enormous sense of relief wash over you. “Now come. There’s several families I wish to speak to before supper is served–”

“Dot!” a voice calls out, making your mother stop in her tracks and also causing her to wince; you know she hates the nickname because of how informal it is. Nevertheless, she turns, only to find Mrs. Ryan, a woman who Mother thought scandalous for a number of reasons. She had originally been from a middle-class family when she married an Irish immigrant, and though they weren’t divorced, they were amicably separated and living different lives. You were quite sure her husband was not at the event tonight. He might not even be in the same country.

But the worst thing about Mrs. Ryan, at least according to your mother, is though she’d grown up middle-class, she was unbelievably rich now because her husband had discovered a wealth of oil a few years back. And that made the Ryans ‘New Money,’ a blight your mother could never forgive.

But, loathe as your mother was to admit it, Mrs. Ryan was part of society now, which meant your mother had to put on her best manners. She smiles at Mrs. Ryan, though you can tell the smile is far from genuine. “Matilda. How are you this evening?” she asks, her voice strained.

“Oh, just the same as always,” Mrs. Ryan laughs before she notices you. “This your daughter, Dot? My, you’ve grown up from the last time I saw you. You look a vision, dear. In fact, I’ve got someone who you should meet.”

She shouts again across the room, though you don’t quite catch the name. Your mother seems to, however, and judging by her reaction, she’s not at all pleased. Her face goes stark white, and she can’t keep up the fake smile any longer; it slides from her face like quicksilver.

But before you can do more than shoot her a covert questioning look, an extremely tall man makes his way over to the three of you. “This is Mr. Onceler,” Mrs. Ryan introduces, and suddenly your mother’s reaction makes sense. You knew who Mr. Onceler was. All of New York knew who he was. He had come from nothing until inventing and selling a fashion item, the thneed, which half the attendees, Mrs. Ryan included, were wearing.

But coming from nothing meant one thing, and it was the only thing that mattered to your mother. He was New Money, and your mother was terrified of New Money monopolizing your time and scaring other, ‘better’ prospects away.

Mr. Onceler, however, doesn’t look like he’s interested in taking up all of your time. Studying his face, he looks quite disinterested in being here at all. When Mrs. Ryan finishes her introductions and you give your hand to him as courtesy demanded, he only just barely brushes the back of your gloved hand with his lips, not looking at you once.

“Mr. Onceler’s just gotten back from upstate, where he’s built a new factory,” Mrs. Ryan says proudly, as if she’s listing off the achievements of a son instead of a mere acquaintance.

“I can’t take all of the credit for that, Matilda. Your husband was one of the people who convinced me to do it,” Mr. Onceler says, and you can tell, despite his slightly dismissive tone, that he and Mrs. Ryan have genuine affection for each other. It could very well have been the case that she introduced him into the world of society. “And as much as I would love to stay and chat–”

“Yes, yes, go and talk about important things with important men, don’t stay here and gossip with us ladies,” Mrs. Ryan says with a wave of her hand. Needing no further invitation, Mr. Onceler leaves, barely inclining his head towards you and your mother as a farewell.

Mrs. Ryan turns to you. “What do you think, eh? Handsome, isn’t he? And he’s young too, only twenty. He’s the most eligible bachelor in the state right now.”

“But his manners!” your mother blurts out, though she can’t bring herself to raise her voice any higher than a whisper. It seems she couldn’t hold back any longer, even in the company of one she considered inferior like Mrs. Ryan. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a man so rude!”

Mrs. Ryan waves her hand impatiently again. “Come off it, Dot. He’s had all the cards stacked against him. He hasn’t had his money for a year yet, and he’s not even used to northern society as an outsider; he’s from Atlanta. It’s a wonder he’s doing this well at all. And manners matter less and less these days. Cash is the only thing that speaks, and trust me, he’s got plenty of that.” She gives the both of you a meaningful look. “I’d keep that in mind before immediately writing him off.” She gives you an extra look, one that you can’t quite read before saying, “Well, I expect I’ll see both of you later.” She grabs your hand. “You look effervescent, dear. You’re only young once. Enjoy your night.” With that, she takes her leave.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, your mother starts hissing in your ear. “The nerve of that awful woman!” she bemoans. “How dare she imply that my daughter can’t do any better than him? His manners were worse than hers! He barely acknowledged you at all–”

“I think that means he’s not interested in me, Mother,” you remind her as gently as you can. “We have nothing to worry about if he doesn’t like me. As you said, there are much better options.”

Miraculously, your mother actually manages to calm down. “Of course,” she murmurs, collecting herself again. “Of course. There’s no use worrying about his opinion of you. He’s new money. He’s not worth expending energy over.” You can’t help but wince as she says that. You very much hope no one else heard her. You’d never admit it to her, but there was nothing wrong in your eyes with New Money. Mrs. Ryan, for example, you actually liked very much for her bluntness. Your mother was just so old-fashioned, and had an inability to understand differing viewpoints. You’d learned this long ago, and didn’t bother arguing with her much over it. It was easier to pretend you agreed with her most of the time.

“Well, let’s get moving. There’s still people we need to speak with before supper,” Mother decides before whisking you back into the room. The next half-hour or so is filled with conversation much more suited to your mother’s preference–polite and removed. To you, it’s empty. Just vain people speaking of the same things over and over again.

You also can’t help but notice that everyone your mother speaks with is an old New York family, and that they either are or have a son that is an heir to a large family fortune. She pushes you in front of these single men, and to your slight dismay, you can tell that some are indeed interested in you, specifically in your last name. Several of these people felt the same way as your mother–that a family name was far more important than being a decent person.

Finally, after you don’t think you could stand another stiff introduction, you’re called to dinner. You know it will be more awful, forced conversation, but at least you won’t be shown around like a prized animal at a fair. You find your seats, and discover Mrs. Ryan is also at your table, which clearly displeases your mother.

You didn’t think she had too much reason to complain though. Also seated with you is the Hunte family, one of the most respected in New York. Their son and heir to the fortune, Thomas, was seated right across from you. He was quite a bit older than you, being nearly thirty, but at least he wasn’t a widower in his fifties. Your mother seemed almost hungry when she looked at him, and you would practically feel her willing the two of you together.

And for the moment, you think you’ve managed to make a good first impression. Though conversation flowed quite easily (to your slight shock) between all at the table, Thomas Hunte did make a point of speaking directly to you on a few occasions. And you were on your best behavior, not bringing up topics your mother forbade and directing the conversation back towards him, so that he could feel important. Men did like to feel important.

Just as the dessert course is beginning to come to an end, the orchestra starts playing tunes you’re familiar with; the dancing has clearly begun. You look up at Thomas, sure that he’ll invite you to dance, but his immediate attention has been captured by Mrs. Ryan, who has asked him a question. Before he’s free to speak with you, you feel a hand on your shoulder.

You turn, and, with no small amount of surprise, you find Mr. Onceler there. You're sure the shock must register on your face, and you can't even find any words to say, but he doesn't comment on that. “I was wondering if you would join me for the next dance?” he asks instead, without any sort of preamble.

To say you're flummoxed is an understatement, but the drilling of your manners mean they're able to return to you, even through your confusion. “Oh… yes, of course,” you murmur. Mother won't be happy, and sure enough, she's stone-faced when you glance at her. But what else can you do? It would be beyond rude, practically unthinkable, to refuse. One dance meant nothing. Everything would be fine.

So, you stand, take Mr. Onceler's proffered hand, and allow him to lead you to the other side of the ballroom.

A note on some of the characters:

The Hunte's are purely my invention. Mrs. Ryan, while fictional, is based on Molly Brown, who wasn't born into society but her husband became rich, and was always considered uncouth. John Dix, however, was real and was elected governor of New York in 1910.

Also, apparently Americans used the word buggy instead of carriage. I hate that very much.

#fanfiction #onceler fanfiction #onceler x reader #the lorax #the onceler #also on ao3 #onceler #period fanfic

[contentment-of-cats]

This sh*t again.

Anons, Hate, Harassment, and Threats: Coping and Handling

It happens and it's happened since the rise of LJ. I remember getting my first hatepost and how much it upset me, but I was never a target in the way that many were. LJ was truly the wild and wooly west - Dodge City or Deadwood, when people thought it would be a utopia. We had greyfaces, anons, sock puppets, and meat puppets. For people transitioning from controlled environments like e-Groups, Listserv, and forums it was not the mod-free utopia that they might have wished for. Real fandom scandals and legitimate harm to fans have been built on anons, sockpuppets, and greyfaces.

Terminology

Anon: Anonymous account either from outside the service or from an established account that has been anonymized.

Greyface: LJ term for an account with no identifiers, created explicitly to harass.

Sock Puppet: Account created by one person with the intent of being perceived as a separate individual.

Meat Puppet: Also used to be called a fanpoodle. A person whose actions are directed by another. Also called a muppet for having the controller's hand shoved so far up their ass that it can work their mouth.

Defining Hateposting/Cyberstalking/Harassment/Threats

First, there is a federal law -18 U.S. Code § 2261A Stalking - that defines stalking and harassment. Full text is here, with excerpt below:

(2) (Whoever) with the intent to kill, injure, harass, intimidate, or place under surveillance with intent to kill, injure, harass, or intimidate another person, uses the mail, any interactive computer service or electronic communication service or electronic communication system of interstate commerce, or any other facility of interstate or foreign commerce to engage in a course of conduct that— (A)places that person in reasonable fear of the death of or serious bodily injury to a person, a pet, a service animal, an emotional support animal, or a horse described in clause (i), (ii), (iii), or (iv) of paragraph (1)(A); or (B)causes, attempts to cause, or would be reasonably expected to cause substantial emotional distress to a person described in clause (i), (ii), or (iii) of paragraph (1)(A),

Laws can vary from state to state. 48 states have some laws on the books, with 44 having criminal penalties. You'll need to contact local law enforcement or look them up on your state legislature's website.

All forms of online harassment can be grouped under the label of cyberbullying. How do you know what is or isn't cyberbullying? There is a comprehensive list. Even some things that you didn't think might be bullying are, in fact, bullying. Unfortunately, the FBI seems to focus on financial crimes and scams, and have changed their reporting pages to reflect that. In all cases using the internet to convey threats as defined under 18 U.S. Code § 2261A need to be documented and reported to the FBI.

Documenting: Keep the Reciepts

Documenting online abuse is key to stopping online abuse. To be Tumblr specific, screenshots of DMs, replies to your posts, posts harassing you, reblogs of your posts with abuse in the comments and tagjacking or abusive hashtags, screenshots of anons/sockpuppets and harassing asks need to be kept. You need your receipts.

Fuck Anons

Anons are not worth your mental health or the pleasure and community you derive from fandom.

"But some of my followers are shy!"

They can create an account that they can use just for doing asks. Exposing you to abuse and bullying should not be the price of someone being shy. I have also turned on anons when someone has asked me to via DM, in a post comment, or via an anon comment on my Ao3 so that they could send me an ask without unmasking themselves. This protects me and protects them.

Tumblr recently started requiring a valid email address to send an anon without being signed in. This could be seen a couple of different ways - Tumblr wants some sort tabs on people using their site anonymously, or that they want people sending anons to create an account. There is nothing to stop an anon from creating a burner email account in order to harass, so that only goes so far.

Block anons. I am serious. Just go into your account settings and do it. You can even turn off asks entirely.

Per Tumblr: "Anonymous asks are not associated with a specific account, and blocking those will block the IP address of the sender."

So, if you block an anon and someone suddenly disappears from your followers, or you get a follower asking why they can't see or interact with your blog, then you have your answer as to where your anon bullying might well be coming from.

However, isn't it easier to just turn off anons?

Yes. It is. My anons are kept off 99.9 percent of the time and I sleep just fine.

Other Tips and Tricks

You can control who reblogs your posts. The default is that anyone on Tumblr can reblog. You can also block anyone from reblogging. The new feature offers middle ground by allowing you to add users allowed to reblog by mentioning them. I don't know if this extends to other parties reblogging from the people you allowed to reblog, however. Click on the little gear to access the dropdown.

From the Settings Menu

In addition to the default, you have two other options under the dropdown.

Tumblrs you follow and that have been mutuals with you for a week can reply

Only Tumblrs you follow can reply.

Keep the people you follow private by toggling this off.

Toggle off to stop DMs from people you don't follow.

Hide your Tumblr from people without a Tumblr, or from people who are signed out. Remove your blog from Tumblr search results or from search engine crawlers.

Finally, you can block DMs on a case by case basis, too.

Finally, it can be hard to start over, but when the bullying is too much and too persistent, you can back up your blog or take it private and start a new Tumblr with people you trust.

Other Resources

Online Harassment Field Guide - a really comprehensive source

~

Addendum: Now, here's the thing. I had one person ask me to turn on anons yesterday, and I did. I got an anon asking my pronouns, and I answered - but that was not the question the person wanted to ask me. My anons are off again.

Block the anon, and you block the IP - not the account. Report the anon and Tumblr will deactivate the account.

#thrawn #thrawn fandom #anon help #blocking and reporting #blocking anons

[kitkatt0430]

Had a nice Sunday today. :D Took Estelle to visit my parents and, while Estelle bounced from lap to lap getting all the cuddles a cute dog can possibly get, I showed off the Portal games in an attempt to convince my parents they should try it. I forgot how difficult some of those puzzles start getting the further in to the first game you go.

(Me - I love the companion cube, I could never kill it. My Dad - Kill the cube, see what happens. ^_^)

Anywho, I've got three fics I wanna do snippets for this week. First up is from The Whistle Blower verse. After the news finally breaks, Iris' summer session journalism professor uses the scandal as an opportunity to push her students to embrace their inner investigator. Which Iris takes to like a duck to water. But first she's dragging Barry along for the ride.

"And Starling is no where near as bad as Gotham.  Even if they do have their own big name vigilante now."

"I'm just saying, we get cornered in an alley by bad guys and have to be rescued by another vigilante with a bad attitude, I deserve all the coffee," Barry grumbled.

"Oh like I've never traveled halfway across the country so you could investigate some weird maybe science, maybe magic thing that ended in us escaping from a cult that wanted to sacrifice us a la Supernatural," Iris retorted.  "Stop complaining, you were so thrilled about meeting Batman you couldn't shut up about it for weeks."

"We promised never to discuss the cult thing again," Barry hissed in a panic.

Of course, Oliver's not actually in Starling City right now because he's in Central City supporting Hartley. But Iris and Barry don't know that. :D And I'm pretty sure Barry doesn't want Joe knowing about the Batman incident either. Iris is having way too much fun teasing him.

I'm also working on another entry for Finn Bingo, focused on him interacting with Leia. So I've made him Leia's Padawan and am basically ignoring everything post The Force Awakens for this canon AU.

Leia smiled proudly.  "You've come so far so quickly already, Finn.  Before, you thought your abilities were weak, especially compared to Rey's.  But I just heard you list as strengths the very abilities you thought were your weak points when we began your training."

And... he did.  Didn't he?

Finn smiled back and ducked his head.  "I think the hardest thing I've had to learn so far was to value myself."

Leia's trying to build Finn's self confidence and guide him towards discovering his potential as a healer.

Flufftober's coming up so I've got a story lined up for that already. The first fic I've got ready for the event is a Flash AU set in an alternate post season 4 timeline - the specifics aren't really important, just that Cisco ended up losing his hands similar to how he had in the bad future from S3. He's since physically recovered and had his prosthetics created - it's really just a sort of peek into their lives where Cisco's still struggling with his mental health some, though he's doing a lot better now. He's in an established relationship with Harry; they're both disabled in different ways, but they've learned to help each other compensate and become all the closer for it.

"You're wearing my sweater," Harry muttered, smirking as he grabbed on the heavy clothing that swamped Cisco's torso.  Dragging Cisco closer so they could kiss good morning.

"Ugh, morning breath," Cisco teased as he pulled away.  "Go brush.  Also, donuts are on the way.  So we're not starting something until after breakfast.  And, uh, after I figure out what's wrong with the second charger."

Harry's nimble hands had found Cisco's by then.  Or at least Cisco's wrists, what with Harry knowing that the prosthetics felt nothing.  So he'd realized Cisco was only wearing the one.

The setup is one I want to explore more later, but probably as a separate fic/series from this one. Mostly I'm just testing out an idea here.

#six sentence sunday #fanfiction #the flash #star wars #iris west #barry allen #finn (star wars) #leia organa #cisco ramon #harry wells #cisco x harry

[submitforher]

angel ...

it's been too long, i'm so sorry. are you doing okay? i hope so. i know you've been so stressed and worried, but i'm here for you always. even if i'm not actually here, call out for me and i will always come to you when you need me. i really hope things haven't been too hard for you.

i was on a trip last week actually and now that i'm back home, i've been quite sick. so that's why i haven't been around as much as i have wanted to be. the trip was so amazingly fun, but now i feel like my body is shutting down on me. :')

looking through your recent posts has made me feel a little better though, and thinking go you of course, and all of the beautiful and scandalous things you've said to me. especially in your last post, you have such a way with words that even the filthiest things sound charming. ^^

also it's so cool to hear that you're into pc building! i've always wanted a big fancy pc, but i don't know enough about it and i wouldn't even know where to begin, so i just stick with a little laptop that handles everything i need for now! (i also think i just want a keyboard that makes a super satisfying clicky noise when i use it...)

anyway, i missed you. i'm back. i hope you're okay and haven't forgotten about me... i certainly didn't forget about you. tell me how you've been <3 maybe you can help me feel better while i don't feel so good, just talking to my angel makes all the difference!!!

i hope you have a happy weekend <3

- 🐻

it has been, baby bear. i had it saved in my drafts that i missed you but i never posted it because life has been fucking draining lately and i've been at my lowest of lows. within the past week or so, i've had some shit going in my life that's far too personal for me to talk about but i had posted about it after. i deleted it because i felt like i had no emotional support and again, too personal. i've been even more stressed out after we last talked to each other and i've been struggling with my mental health but i'm still living and if i ever feel alone like that again, i'd never have to be because i have you!! other than the personal shit that's been going on with me, i've been thinking of nothing else but you, baby bear. that's what's been getting me through this and hopefully you thinking of me has been getting you through your sickness, which, if i were there, i'd take care of you and you'd never have to be by yourself when you're under the weather. tell me more about this trip that you were on though! i haven't been on a trip in a while and i'd like to get far away from here if i could.

you have a way with words yourself, baby bear. you know how to get me utterly weak in the knees and to put it bluntly, get me so fucking needy for you.

it's kind of a daunting thing to figure out what components are what and how to put together a pc but if you're ever looking into it, it's one of those things that i take interest in so i could talk to you about it for hours. i have a 65% keyboard that's hot-swappable and i had kailh box white switches because i like that clicky sound too but i swapped those out for some oil king switches. the sound of them is unique yet soothing and has a higher-pitched sound on return.

i'd never forget about you, baby bear, even if you're not here. you've left an everlasting impression on me and your messages are what i look forward to whenever i'm here. it's the whole reason why i'm still here. i'm on cloud nine whenever i get to talk to you and you lift me from out of that dark abyss like no one else.

#🐻 baby bear.

[pub-lius]

A Debunking and, in my Humble Opinion, Superior Version of Weird History’s “Hardcore Facts About Alexander Hamilton”

I haven’t updated my blog in quite some time, and that is due to my schedule being primarily dominated by school. So, I decided my first step into posting semi-regularly once more shall be a more casual, more fun endeavor. 

If you have not heard of the Weird History youtube channel, good for you. It is yet another social media platform that misconstrues history to appeal to the public’s enjoyment of extremes and strangeness. I saw The Historical Fashion Queens make a video responding to their highly misinformed documentary on corsetry on Miss Abby Cox’s youtube channel, which I highly recommend. This intrigued me, and I decided to find a video I could dissect off my expertise, at first only for fun in my own time. This resulted in the production in a very long bullet list in the notes app of my phone. So here is my informal destruction of this godforsaken video.

Disclaimer: I am not at all excusing any of the awful things Alexander Hamilton did during his lifetime. I am absolutely the last person who would even come near to claiming that many of the things he did were justifiable in the slightest. Although, he might be the only historical figure which I have a very strong interest in the life of, as he was incredibly complex, and the part of me with a love of psychology finds him absolutely fascinating. There is also something to be said about the way we consider moral standards of historical figures. We are quite lucky to believe in the time that we do, and not all of our standards can apply to historical figures. This does not mean they should not be held accountable. I find that a way to criticize people while also praising them where it is due is by judging them based upon their intentions. In my opinion, Hamilton’s intentions were not to harm anyone in most situations, so I don’t think he was a terrible person, nor do I think he was a particularly good one. Then again, I don’t think either of those things about a mass majority of people, so let us proceed without further delay. (Note: I will also be referring to the collective Weird History channel as the Narrator to avoid any mental gymnastics, and all of my knowledge is coming from my memory of Hamilton’s writing and some biographies.)

Automatically, the video starts with mention of the musical, but that just reminds me that many use Ron Chernow’s biography of Hamilton as a basis of their statements about him without utilizing much critical thinking, so I am slightly nervous. 

The Narrator then refers to Hammy Ham man as “...one of America’s most undervalued founding fathers...” Now, it is debatable whether or not Mr. Hamilton is undervalued per se, but when it comes to the founding fathers, they are usually undervalued or overvalued. At this point, Hamilton is both.

I shall not subscribe, thank you for the offer though, Mr. Narrator.

Now for the first fact: “Historians don’t know when Hamilton was born.” Yes, this is correct, but I don’t believe this should be labeled as “hardcore”, but perhaps that is just me. One early document indicates that Hamilton was born in 1755, while all later ones point to 1757 as his year of birth. We know Hamilton was not always a completely honest man, so it is possible that he lied.

Also, they show an image of a baby, and I do not know if this is actually Hamilton, but they use a lot of strange imagery, which I found humorous.

“A self-made man born out of wedlock.” Now, this fact could indeed be “hardcore”, if this was not colonial America we are discussing. Hamilton actually wasn’t really special in this regard. Yes, his rise to fame was impressive considering his circumstances, but this wasn’t unheard of.

The Narrator then says that Hamilton’s mother, Rachel Faucette, was “estranged from her husband.” This caused me some confusion as it is a vast understatement. Her ex-husband was absolutely awful to her. 

Additionally, they claim that James Hamilton left his family behind for some reason that I did not write in my notes, but the most likely reason that he actually left was because of his awesome debt. James Hamilton also had a history of ambitious pursuits for money, so it would not be extreme to claim that he moved to another island to attempt to make a fortune in some trading endeavor.

They also cease to mention the Stevens family, who housed young Alexander while he was working for Beekman and Cruger, and had a great influence on him, but I digress.

“A college dropout who joined the Revolution.” Once again, this isn’t special. Many rowdy young Whigs left behind their careers and educations for pursuit of military fame in the Continental Army. They also do not mention anything of Hamilton’s expansive military career, which aside from being indicative of primitive research, but would produce more “hardcore facts.”

Although, they do discuss his application to Princeton college, which is interesting enough I suppose, although everyone who has heard the first two songs of the musical knows this story. His proposal for an “accelerated course of study” was likely inspired by Aaron Burr, as claimed by Chernow and Miranda, or James Madison, as supported by evidence provided by author Noah Feldman in his novel, The Three Lives of James Madison, which is an excellent read. Young Madison, having already completed a course, decided to do so again, but compacting a usually three year course into a shorter period of time. He hardly slept during this period, which was stressful upon his health, making Princeton more disinclined to allow a similar course to be taken.

The Narrator then claims that Hamilton “formed his own militia of 25 men.” Technically, yes? But not exactly. Hamilton joined a paramilitary group called the Hearts of Oak, and they drilled in Trinity Churchyard. This became ironic later. He then became a captain in the New York Artillery Company, and enlisted his own men, which was at one time around thirty or so, if my memory serves me correctly.

“Founded a bank that existed for over two centuries.” Ah, yes, a very hardcore fact indeed. Yes, Hamilton did establish the Bank of America, but Robert Morris was the one who inspired him to do so. Though, I do think the financial plan is a product of his own genius, but I will get into that much later.

I got an ad. :(

The Narrator also says that the misfortunes done to the New York shipping industry by the Articles of Confederation were the most prominent, if not sole, motivation for Hamilton to concoct his financial plan. He first recognized the need for a sound financial plan when he was in the army. You know, when he was watching men die of inadequate supplies because the government couldn’t tax the states.

This video, like Chernow’s biography and Miranda’s musical, claims that Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr were friends when, in actuality, they weren’t really. Yes, they knew each other, and they didn’t hate each other until the end of Hamilton’s life, but they really didn’t think about each other much before the Election of 1800.

“Hamilton authored over half of the Federalist Papers.” Indeed, he did! I enjoy this fact. It isn’t very “hardcore” but it is very impressive. The Federalist Papers were arguably Hamilton’s greatest accomplishment, as he organized the entire thing and, as previously stated, authored much of them. I very much enjoy the Federalist Papers, as they give some insight as to Hamilton’s political and philosophical theories, as well as how he thought of the world. It makes for an interesting read if you have something you’re looking for.

Now, this may be a hot take, but Madison’s essays are by far more effective, as they were better organized. Hamilton and I share a common flaw, and that is the lack of brevity. 

“Involved in America’s first sex scandal.” Yes, we all know. I’ll get into the Reynold’s affair later because it’s its own beast to conquer. Basically what you need to understand information I shall provide later in this post is that James Reynolds extorted money from Hamilton, and if Hamilton failed to pay, Reynolds would expose the affair Hamilton was having with his wife, Maria. Hamilton paid, but when Reynolds was arrested for something else, he exposed Hamilton anyway.

“He worked with Aaron Burr to defend a man.” Once again, this isn’t very surprising. They were both capable lawyers in the same area, so it was basically inevitable. Though there was this one instance where Hamilton and Burr were working on a case together and Hamilton, being himself, insisted upon having the last word. Well, Burr was tired of him, and I can’t say I blame him, so he made every possible argument in his finishing speech, leaving Hamilton with virtually nothing. 

The Narrator also mentions Hamilton’s opposition to slavery, but he didn’t really outwardly oppose it as much as you would think listening to the musical or reading Chernow’s biography. Far from being the “fervent abolitionist” Chernow and Miranda glorify, Hamilton didn’t really do much for the enslaved. He helped John Laurens in his Black Plan and joined the Manumission Society, but other than that, he never made any attempt to progress the abolition of slavery. He also “purchased” slaves for his in-laws, and some argue that he “owned” some himself, but there is no contemporary evidence to support this that I have seen. The enslaved and servants that were in his household likely belonged to his wife.

“Founded a newspaper that still exists.” Ok.

“Died by duel.” I swear, this fact is by far the most unnecessary. They mention the duel so many times that it is already redundant. I completely skipped over this part, and the video ended, so I was thoroughly underwhelmed.

Well, seeing as this post is already longer than my attention span, I shall save you the pains of having to read any more in just one post. I shall make a follow-up to this where I give my own facts, which I believe are far more hardcore than “he founded a newspaper.” I hope you have enjoyed and this isn’t too terribly boring. I hope to get back to posting soon.

#alexander hamilton #eliza hamilton #hamilton #hamilton the musical #hamilton the movie #lin manuel miranda #ron chernow #aaron burr #maria reynolds #james reynolds #james madison #thomas jefferson #john jay #weird history #abby cox #American Revolution #amrev #amrev history #american history #american colonies #america #the american revolution #The American War of Independence #colonial america #hamilton burr duel #duel #omg im so tired of planning and writing this but im pushing through for the sake of accurate portrayals of real people #im carrying the weight of the world all of you should be thanking me #is it awkward if i listen to how stands the glass around while i write this

[thespoonisvictory]

I agree with your post immensely, this is why I prefer the European side of the dsmp besides a few select people. In general that friend group for the most part seems much more chill, professional, and down to earth. I don’t like to judge people because honestly we are all human but sometimes I just don’t think some people are mature enough to be in the public eye like this. It takes a toll on anyone, especially if you are extremely insecure, immature, or irresponsible. I mean this more in a “I think __ should get off the internet because it seems to be damaging to them” and not in a “lmao my faves are better” sort of way.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that people like Wilbur have been on the internet longer, and have had time to learn and grow gradually. I feel for these creators suddenly sky rocketing in attention, I really do. Maybe it’s just my overly empathetic self but I feel like some people don’t take into account how life changing, anxiety inducing, and just all around weird it can be to suddenly become famous. You can’t go back. I recently watched Anthony Padilla’s interview with corpse husband and man it gave me a huge perspective on what these people have to deal with. I’d be so overwhelmed constantly.

Honestly when I see creators just constantly struggling with these things and so very clearly not coping I just want to make them take a break. Better themselves. If your platforms causing more harm then good to everyone involved it’s best for everyone to step back.

crit discussion of dream! read at your own risk!

I agree completely. the fact that sbi in itself is so stable is a small miracle that's mostly due to them being really fucking careful about boundaries, slow growth, and just really strong friendships and relationships.

tommyinnit officially has the biggest minecraft livestream of all time and has had no major controversy. wilbur is breaking into mainstream w his music with little controversy either. all of sbi in general has shared rocketing success with no controversy escaping outside of mcyt circles.

like, I cannot emphasize enough that tommy is more popular than dream on twitch and catching up on youtube, and doesn't have a tenth of the drama because he's not trying to pick every battle.

even beyond direct controversy, sbi and co has proved themselves time and time again to be responsible, mature ccs (for the most part), and I'm fucking thankful for it because the same cannot be said for the dteam.

dream finds himself in scandal after scandal without a chance to catch his breath, and I genuinely feel for the guy. he's just some dude who's harebrained scheme worked far better than he could ever imagine, and clearly has untreated mental issues. he needs to take a break, sort some shit out, and take it slow, because everything he's done recently has been sloppy and only invited more criticism. he's defensive, and scared, and can't seem to recognize that he is unable to fight every battle, no matter how valid or invalid.

he's also, just, bad at business. hiring teens, traced merch, attaching his name bad quality burgers, loudly trash talking the organizersof a beloved event, associating with neonazis, etc etc. it's messy, and he's too big of a cc to still be making these mistakes, even outside of the impact it's having on his mental health.

the same reckless persistence that brought him his fame will also bring his downfall if he's not careful.

#future talk #critical #dream critical

[friendofhayley]

I’m back after my hiatus from fanfiction, to give y’all the best multifandom recs of the fics I read this month. Shoutout to all content creators who helped us live to see the close of this year. This fic includes 15 fics for Sterek, Larry, Winteriron, and Geraskier. The starred ones put me through heaven and hell *chef’s kiss*.

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

1. Six Letter Word for Romance by @troubleiwant | domestic kink - omg there’s only one bed - soft Derek - oblivious idiots in love - 6k

Stiles definitely starts off thinking it’s fucking hilarious that Derek-sourwolf-Hale does crosswords and cares about scuffs on his furniture.

But at a certain point, and he can’t pinpoint exactly when, “fully functional adult couple” somehow becomes a massive fetish of his. Derek in sweats and bare feet, nudging his glasses up his nose while he does the Sunday crossword? Unff. Derek filling out forms to get some renovations on his property approved? Oh God, yes. Derek putting away groceries and bitching that the corner store was out of the right type of Greek yogurt? Take me now, Stiles thinks, worrying at his lower lip with his teeth.

This can’t be normal.

2. *Dirty Little Secret* by @isthatbloodonhisshirt | Cora & Stiles bffs - no one can resist the Stilinski charm - celebrity Derek - human au - 91k

“Holy shit, this is a date!” he blurted out, turning back to Derek wide-eyed. “This is a date! You intended for this to be a date, this was supposed to be a date!” He figured if he said it enough times, maybe he would believe it, but so far, no dice.

Derek was scowling again—seriously, did he want wrinkles?—but he just reached into one of the bags and pulled out a burger, checking what was written on the foil in sharpie before handing it over to Stiles.

“Of course it’s a date, what did you think this was?”

3. Can You Feel A Whole New Part of Your World? by @isthatbloodonhisshirt | i genuinely don’t look at authors names i just click i am sorry for spamming you but you write too good - neighbors Sterek - emotionally mature Stiles - the ideal fluffy world you’d want to live in - 53k

Can you hear me singing in the shower?” Stiles blurted out, because he had to know, now. If one of his neighbours had slid that note under his door, then it meant Parrish as another neighbour could hear him, too! He had to know if this was all a huge joke and one person had walked by and overheard him and decided to fuck with him.

Parrish gave him a weird look at the question, but answered anyway, making Stiles’ plans to leave the country speed up in his mind.

“Of course I can. You’re actually not bad. Though you have been singing a lot of Frozen lately, getting kind of tired of the soundtrack.”

4. Theory of Overprotective Canines by @petals42 | derek can turn into wolf - oblivious Stiles - future fic - mutual pining - 11k

Stiles is totally looking forward to living alone in his super cool apartment off-campus. He is. He is also very excited to bike to school every day, ready to set up an awesome game room, and definitely over his crush on Derek Hale. Completely over it.

Or at least he is until Derek decides he's moving in with him. And then turns out to be the perfect roommate. And then starts attending all his classes. As a wolf.

This is not going according to plan.

Larry (One Direction)

5. **The Changer and the Changed** by @homosociallyyours | literally the best fic of all time i want to live in there - girl direction - NYC ‘70s au - trans Zayn - the girls are so lovely - 59k

It’s the spring of 1977 and Harry Styles has just moved to New York City after graduating college. She knows she’s a lesbian. She just needs to figure out how to meet other lesbians.

Louis Tomlinson works at a popular women’s bookstore in the Lower East Side, Womon’s Direction, where she spends her days reading feminist literature, writing poetry, exchanging friendly barbs with her boss Niall, and dreaming of finding someone to love.

When Harry and Louis meet, their connection is instantaneous. Slowly but surely, Louis welcomes Harry into her community of women. Stonewall veteran and old school butch Niall; Liam, a land dyke who’s moved to the city for love; and Zayn, a lesbian musician who’s been ostracized by a vocal part of women’s community for being trans, welcome Harry with open arms, ready to help her find her place in New York City’s bustling lesbian scene.

6. others i’ve seen might never be mean (but they would never do) by @cherrylouvol6 | aaaaaaaa it’s lesbian When Harry Met Sally !!! - rom com - girl direction - coming out and first times - really great sex - 20k

Louis sighs.

“Do you remember what I said to you the first time we met?”

“That I’m naive and neurotic and would be hard pressed to ever find someone who could put up with me?” Harry snaps.

7. some things fade (some never do) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed | aaaaaa this story took me apart and back together again just like Louis and Harry - urban fantasy au - second chances - exes to friends to lovers - hurt/comfort - 25k

Matching tattoos. He’d never thought he’d be the type for tattoos to begin with, let alone matching or magical ones, but once Harry had put the idea in his mind it had never quite managed to disappear. And it had made sense. With their relationship a long distance one, this was simply another way of feeling close to one another. Of knowing where the other was, how they felt. It had made so much sense.

Back then.

8. we can take the long way home by @eleadore | i usually don’t rec my porn but there’s so much feels in this one - canon-divergent - kink discovery - friends to lovers - this was written in 2015 as a future fic but it felt like it was taking place now so good job - 27k

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

Winteriron (MCU)

9. **Dig No Graves** by @missaphelion | Tony finds out about his parents right after winter soldier au - Tony Stark has a heart - Bucky heals with bots and lots of sugar - slow burn - 142k

"I'm here to kill you, Terminator," Tony said slowly, "does that compute?"

The soldier looked up at him with wide blue eyes and no expression. "Okay."

Tony froze. "Okay," he echoed. "I tell you I came here to kill you and your response is 'okay'?"

10. A Rifling Matter by Penndragon27 | Winter Soldier has such a big crush on Tony’s weapons, he escapes Hydra au - identity porn - pining Bucky - fluff and angst - Winter Soldier is a fanboy and it’s cute - 37k

All the Asset knows is fighting, killing.

He also knows a good weapon when he sees one and Stark Industries... they make some great weapons.

11. *Winter is Coming (aka Fifty First Avengers Dates)* by @tisfan & @everyworldneedslove | enemies to friends to lovers to 50 first dates - pining Bucky - Tony gets amnesia - no Steve bashing but he’s a little bit of an ass - mental health issues - 109k

Bucky Barnes is still mostly The Asset, and he's pretty sure Hydra is going to come back for him soon, so in the meantime he's just going to keep an eye on the Avengers for them. But then Clint spotted him hiding in the shadows, so Tony came out and dragged Bucky back to the Tower, threw him in the shower, and fed him cheeseburgers.

Now The Asset is having anomalous feelings. In his pants.

Geraskier (The Witcher)

12. *no reason to run* by @yoursummerfrost | different meeting au - only one bed but camping - cursed Jaskier - soft Geralt!!!! - poly negotiations - 61k

"You'll change your mind one day," says the innkeep. "The road can't love you back."

What a strange way to flatten something so beautiful, Jaskier thinks. What a small way to love.

13. *He Fell into a Faerie Ring* by @geraltnoises | Jaskier gets bardnapped after the fight au - non-human Jaskier - soft Geralt - Jaskier encourages people to be kind and becomes a god - emotionally mature Geralt - 57k

Traders are a gossiping sort. If there was a scandal within the noble houses of Posada, you’d hear about it in Cretegor by the end of the week. So, the quick spread of a rumor about a little village in the Kestrel Mountain range was not at all surprising. What was surprising was the story that the traders wove. They said that Luibhtorrach, a sad, ghost of a farming town, had miraculously become a hub for trade, as if overnight. Their lands unbelievably fertile and brimming with crop. Even stranger, each and every one of Luibhtorrach’s people professed that their good fortune was the work of a mysterious beast they’d claimed as their personal deity. Most recent news foretold of their plans to throw a midsummer festival celebrating this newfound god. In preparation, silken blue banners were erected in every corner of the town, each bearing the symbol of their new patron: A delicate dandelion wrapping around a golden sun.

14. Barking Up the Wrong Tree by KHansen | 5+1 things - I’m worried about Geralt’s skills - non-human Jaskier - monsterfucker Geralt - crack treated seriously - 11k

Geralt is 100% certain that Jaskier is a vampire.

He's 100% proven wrong.

15. Bardic Idyll by Lisztful | fake relationship - Geralt is soft and oblivious - pining - fluff and angst - Jaskier you can’t show your emotions mainly through song! - 13k

Jaskier is certain he can win the Continent's annual bardic competition, but he needs to be accompanied by a dashing romantic companion in order to enter. Enter Geralt, who is definitely, for sure, only interested in the free food, and not at all in staring lovingly into Jaskier's eyes.

#monthly fic rec #fic rec #sterek fic rec #larry fic rec #winteriron #geraskier #larrie hijinks #witcher #mcu

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

The Last Weekend (S2, E13)

It’s been a trip fam. Hopefully, it continues for a third season. Thanks for sticking with me this far. 

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:19 - That taxidermy is creepy af. 

0:25 - Ok. But like, this is amazing. Look at Malcolm. He’s confused,  annoyed, and a little pissed off but he doesn’t actually look scared. He just woke up in a strange place tied to a chair and the last thing he remembers is telling his father to run. He knows his serial killer father kidnapped him but he’s not scared because there’s a part of Malcolm that is so so desperate for Martin to love him. Malcolm is NOT okay. His reaction to being kidnapped by his serial killer father is evidence of that. This dude is not in a good mental place. I'm here for it. This is bad. 

0:40 - Groggy, annoyed, and sassy Malcolm is adorable.

0:51 - This is a woman who thinks not telling the NYPD about that Capshaw phone call killed her son. She doesn’t know where Malcolm is right now or if he’s alive. BUT Jessica knows Martin has Malcolm and therefore - Malcolm is not safe. The guilt and fear is oozing from Jessica and I want to hug her. :( <3

1:13 - Again. Malcolm is in danger. Why doesn’t Ainsley seem to be worried? At all?!? This girl’s lack of empathy is genuinely concerning. If my brother was abducted by our abusive father I would be a wreck. 

1:25 - “Don’t get cocky.” HA. What a great line. Although, it’s really sad to see how desperate Ainsley is for some attention from her mother. Although, I do love the contrast between this line and the line from 1x3: "You watch my reports?" "Not with the sound on". Jessica really is growing as a parent. I love that for her. 

1:31 - “Capshaw is claiming Malcolm was Dad’s accomplice.” WHY ISN'T AINSLEY UPSET ABOUT THIS. SHE’S ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME JUICY GOSSIP. BE ANGRY GIRL. BE SCARED. BE UPSET. THIS IS YOUR BROTHER. At least Jessica is pissed and scared about it. 

1:46 - “Cruel eyes.” Has Capshaw ever looked at Malcolm? That boy has the sweetest eyes ever. They’re a gorgeous shade of blue, wide, and expressive. Never cruel. Often fearful. ALSO the fact that Capshaw looks at the window (where she knows Malcolm’s friends are standing) when she says this INFURIATES ME. I want this woman dead. She is the spawn of Satan and you can't change my mind. 

1:50 - The way Dani looks at Gil when he says, “You buying this?” is wonderful. This girl is scandalized at the idea that Gil might be buying Capshaw’s story. This girl is team Malcolm and I love her for it. She's so offended at the idea that Gil - the man who's known Malcolm since he was 10 years old - might think Malcolm is a bad guy. <3 <3 

1:52 - “Our boy’s crazy, but not that crazy.” <3 <3 <3 Every time JT calls Malcolm “our boy” or “our guy” my heart explodes. I love the evolution of their relationship so so so much. <3 Also JT is giving off major big brother vibes to Dani and Malcolm this episode and I LOVE IT. <3

1:54 - “Good. We all know she’s lying. Problem is we’re the only ones.” This whole scene. *CHEF’S KISS* Seriously, protective!Dani, protective!JT, and protective!Gil in the same scene?!? All going to bat for Malcolm? I’m in love. This is the found family content I’m here for. ALSO look at GIL. This man is so so pissed that someone is trying to paint his surrogate son as the bad guy. Gil is a good man but someone is threatening his family and that means he’s going to break his own rules. <3 I’m here for it. This is the kind of inner turmoil I subscribed to this show for. 

2:02 - "Good morning sleepyhead." I have thoughts. 1) If Martin truly cared about Malcolm why didn't he restrain Malcolm on one of those twin beds (where he could actually sleep) instead of tying him to a chair?!?! 2) Look at how hard Martin is trying to act like Malcolm's friend (not even a good friend). He's not acting like Malcolm's dad. A dad or a good friend wouldn't leave a guy who just suffered from an embolism alone and tied to a chair. They'd take him to a hospital, obviously that was out of the question here. So for the sake of this comparison, a good friend/dad would have put Malcolm on the bed, gotten some warm blankets for him, made sure water was close by, and stayed with him until he woke up - to you know, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL BREATHING?!?! BUT not Martin, this dude just waltzes into the room and delivers a mildly condescending yet cheery rendition of "good morning sleepyhead" almost as though Malcolm's unconscious state was a burden to Martin. Even though Malcolm was unconscious because MARTIN DRUGGED HIM (also not good!Dad behaviour). 

2:04 - "You drugged me?!?" This breaks my heart. After everything, Malcolm is still surprised (and rightfully annoyed) that his father drugged him. Malcolm knows that Martin is a bad man. He knows Martin has drugged him before. He knows he shouldn't trust Martin but after everything there's still a part of Malcolm desperate to believe that Martin loves him. PLUS one of the last memories Malcolm has before he woke up in this motel is of Martin saving his life. Malcolm was giving in to the "maybe Dad really does love me" mentality. It's heartbreaking and I want to give Malcolm a hug. 

2:23 - I find this whole exchange so upsetting yet interesting. Both Malcolm and Martin are being openly hostile to each other. Usually, Malcolm is civil to Martin but right now, Martin is NOT chained to a wall and Malcolm is acting like an argumentative and whiny teenager (and rightfully so but still not a safe move). Martin is matching Malcolm’s mood. Martin is engaging in Malcolm’s frustration with an off-putting amount of cheer. I honestly believe Martin is just ecstatic that he’s been given an opportunity to ‘be a father’ again. There’s also a part of me that is completely convinced that Martin was already hatching his plan to have Malcolm kill him. Why would he do that? My answer: 1) Martin doesn’t want to go back to prison, 2) To finally get revenge on Malcolm for turning him in in 1998, 3) he’s a predatory psychopath and he saw an opportunity to screw with someone, 4) Martin is pissed off that Malcolm keeps trying to distance himself from Martin. Martin see’s it as betrayal and he wants to make Malcolm suffer. 

2:25 - THIS. IS. AMAZING. The way Malcolm immediately panics and tries to escape Martin when the switchblade comes out is incredible. You can see Malcolm’s perspective shift. We actually see it flip back and forth all episode. Half the time, Malcolm is a little boy desperately trying to convince himself that Martin has changed and that Martin loves him. The other half of the time, Malcolm is a logical and educated adult who knows Martin is a dangerous killer who is trying to manipulate him. It’s such a compelling dichotomy.

 2:44 - “We are the victims here Malcolm.” I absolutely believe that Martin believes this statement. HOWEVER, I also think he’s using the situation to his advantage in an attempt to sway Malcolm’s trust in him. 

2:52 - “You’re in a pickle.” This infuriates me. Martin does NOT love or care about Malcolm. What Martin does love - is what Malcolm does for him. ie. Providing him a connection to the real world (visiting him in prison), giving him an outlet for his attention-seeking needs, giving him a plaything to manipulate. Martin views Malcolm as a pet NOT a person and NOT a son. That kills me. 

2:55 - “I need to call Gil.” <3 <3 This is absolutely beautiful and terrifyingly stupid. Beautiful because Malcolm is in trouble and his knee-jerk reaction is “Gil can help. I trust Gil. Gil loves me. He’ll listen. He’ll help.” <3 <3 So precious. It’s scary though because it’s no secret that Martin views Gil as a threat to his family. This will make Martin more determined to manipulate Malcolm. Because again, Martin views everything as possessions. He doesn’t actually love Malcolm, Ainsley, and Jessica. He loves the idea of them and what he can do with them. He doesn’t actually care about them though. He only cares about their wellbeing to the extent of how it will affect him. (SIDE NOTE: I’m honestly crushed that we didn’t get a proper Gil+Martin face off during this finale.)

2:58 - “Gil’s great and all.” This man speaketh from his ass. He hates Gil. This is some damn fine manipulation. He’s interaction with Malcolm in a way he knows Malcolm will have a positive reaction. I respect it. It also makes my blood boil (out of love for Malcolm).

3:05 - “Who would you believe?” This hurts. Look at how absolutely crushed Malcolm looks. Malcolm knows no one will believe him. Why would they? He’s the son of a serial killer with well documented mental health issues and well documented issues with rule-following. It’s common knowledge that he’s an intense and weird dude. And it’s all Martin’s fault. 

3:07 - “Can we talk?” I’m impressed. First, Martin complements the man he knows Malcolm respects more than anything. Then, he appeals to Malcolm’s insecurities and fears of being ‘The Surgeon’s son’. He does it all calmly, in a comforting tone of voice. This is manipulation at its finest. 

3:17 - “You look ridiculous.” This is Malcolm fully aware that Martin just tried to manipulate him. It still hurt Malcolm because those fears about no one believing him are completely rational and a very logical outcome of the scenario but at least Malcolm is aware of Martin’s game.

3:30 - “I’m Clare.” .....Clare = Claremont. Did Martin do that subconsciously or is he aware?  I can totally see him accidentally picking that name because after 20 years he’s begun to define himself as a part of the Claremont institution. He’s almost trying to maintain that link to the life he’s become accustom to. 

3:35 - “Too insane.” Holy shit. Malcolm sassing Martin is 1) hilarious but 2) super scary because I just keep waiting for Martin to snap and hurt Malcolm for his “disrespectful and ungrateful behaviour”. Malcolm really has no fear in this scene and I’m scared for what that means for his mental state. It’s not good. That much I know. 

3:45 - “I’m not your friend.” This broke my heart. Malcolm is so upset as he delivers this little outburst. He can see that Martin is trying to act like his friend instead of a loving father. It’s killing the little boy inside of Malcolm. It’s also frustrating for Malcolm because he wants so badly to do the right thing (turn Martin in) but he also just wants his dad to act like a real dad. 

3:55 - The fear in Malcolm’s eyes when Martin brings the knife back out. <3 Gorgeous. 

4:00 - The trepidation in Malcolm’s face as Martin cuts him loose. <3  ALSO, “I didn’t kill you. That’s gotta count for something.” why the hell should that count for something now? Martin tried to kill a 10 year old Malcolm. That should be the end. Any FATHER who tries to kill his 10 year old son (no matter what the kid may have done) is a garbage human and that child should never be told he has to forgive, trust, or have a relationship with his father. On some level Malcolm knows this BUT he’s also desperately trying to convince himself that Martin is a changed man. 

4:12 - WTF Ainsley? This scene genuinely makes me believe Ainsley has been somehow involved in this whole prison break scheme. Or at least, she’s been in contact with Martin since the escape. 

4:43 - “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Okay. Fine. Ainsley is finally showing a bit of fear here. But is it because of the Woodsman? Something tells me Martin has gotten into Ainsley’s head and Ainsely genuinely believes that Malcolm is safe with Martin. The Woodsman changes things though. Maybe the Woodsman was a variable Ainsley wasn’t expecting or didn’t plan with Martin. 

5:00 - “Why are we in Vermont?” First of all - there’s something precious about the way this line was delivered. Secondly, why is Malcolm eating? Doesn’t most food make him sick (1x1)? This is a high stress situation - presumably he’d be too nauseous/stressed to eat right now. 

5:15 - “That dream’s as dead as your 23 victims.” hahahaha ZING. This line actually hurts though. It’s not just Martin’s dream that’s dead. Malcolm’s is too. Presumably Malcolm has a fantasy somewhere in the back of his mind where he’s happily married with children. Hell, maybe his children visit their grandparents every weekend for Sunday brunch? But Malcolm probably doesn’t actually think he can have kids or a spouse because he’s terrified of what kind of a father and husband he’d be. That’s Martin’s fault. Martin has doomed Malcolm to avoid the deep, meaningful relationships in life that Malcolm clearly craves. 

5:25 - “I’m absolutely right” The anger in Malcolm’s voice is incredible and concerning. On one hand, it’s great that he’s being honest with Martin. He’s making Martin work for his trust and he’s communicating that Martin ruined certain aspects of Malcolm’s life. On the other hand, this boy has no sense of self-preservation. He’s provoking a predatory psychopath. He’s almost begging Martin to hurt him. I’m terrified at what that means for Malcolm’s mental health. 

5:35 - “Don’t you ever think it’s possible that I changed?” Look at Martin’s big stupid face. He doesn’t believe that he’s changed. He’s just trying to manipulate Malcolm. Martin doesn’t view Malcolm as a son. Just as a plaything. 

5:55 - “You want to find a missing woman. That’s your brilliant plan?” It’s an excellent plan. It’s a plan Martin knows Malcolm won’t be able to deny. Martin has observed Malcolm’s obsession with understanding serial killers for 23 years. Martin has watched Malcolm torture himself to save the victims of serial killers. Martin knows this is the one plan that will (at least temporarily) stop Malcolm from turning him in. Malcolm’s need to help other people is stronger than his need to help himself. So again, Martin is a shitty father. 

6:19 - “I worked the Woodsman case at the bureau for years.” Of course he did. $100 bucks says Martin knew that and he planned this out before his escape. Capshaw was an inconvenient hiccup in the plan but he was always going to kidnap Malcolm and try to manipulate Malcolm into becoming his partner in crime. 

6:42 - “Someone who’s not going to call Gil Arroyo the first chance he gets.” Damn. Martin feels threatened by Gil’s relationship with Malcolm. Which is why an escaped!Martin and Gil showdown would’ve made my year. 

6:46 - How convenient that Jeannie is from New York. 

6:52 - “But we could save her. Together.” Ugh. This breaks my heart. You can see that Malcolm knows Martin is manipulating him. You can also see that this is an offer Malcolm can’t deny. Saving people and finding/understanding killers is what keeps Malcolm sane. PLUS he desperately wants to spend time with the ‘nice’ version of his dad. The one he remembers from 1998. Malcolm is eating out of the palm of Martin’s hand and it’s so so so upsetting. 

7:01 - Why does Gary look so much like Deputy Crutchfield? It’s the moustache. 

7:10 - “This is my partner. Cameron.” UGh. I’m going to throw up. 1) Malcolm’s startled expression melts my heart. This boy does not want to be Martin’s partner in any sense of the word.  2) Was Martin implying that Cameron is Clare’s sexual partner? The hand around Malcolm’s shoulders made it feel that way to me. 

7:15 - Ugh. :( The way Malcolm looks at the hand on his shoulder. :( You can see how conflicted he feels. He likes the gentle, fatherly physical affection from Martin but he knows that Martin is a killer and this is an act. You can see that Malcolm knows this is all a hoax but you can also see how desperately Malcolm wants to believe in it. 

7:45 - OMG. This is a man who hasn’t been in public for a very long time. This is not socially acceptable behaviour and Malcolm looks so embarrassed and scared (that someone will recognize the serial killer making loud noises of pleasure over his pancakes). 

7:55 - I love that Malcolm isn’t eating. It aligns with Malcolm’s canonical eating problems. Kudos for the rare plot consistency.

8:13 - “I suppose I’m a little bisexual.” Ugh. Shut up Martin. You absolute moron. You’re not bisexual. You’re just a manipulative nutcase. It does make me wonder though, is this Martin’s way of trying to bond with Malcolm? Like maybe (whether it’s true or not) Martin thinks Malcolm might not be straight and he’s trying to have a father-son coming out of the closet moment? .....it sounds like a reach even in my head but here I am with this theory.

8:39 - The fact that Martin is such a verbal feminist throughout this show is so off putting to me. He’s a serial killer. He has no issues MURDERING people for FUN. Yet somehow it feels like I’m supposed to respect him more than the average man because he believes women are people with rights? Nah. It makes me hate him more because I don’t thinks he’s an actual feminist. I think he’s acting. He’s trying to appeal to what will make him seem more likeable. I think it’s a tactic he uses to soften Malcolm to his manipulation. 

8:48 - “I worked this case for years. Almost lost my mind over it.”........okay so I want more details on this. Did the FBI take him off the case? Did he stop working the case because he was fired? Did Gil watch Malcolm become consumed by the case and beg him to take himself off the case? 

8:52 - “I called every number at the FBI. You wanted nothing to do with me.” I hate Martin. He’s trying to blame Malcolm. He’s suggesting that more women could have been saved from the Woodsman if Malcolm hadn’t been ignoring Martin while he worked for the FBI. Martin is actually implying that the Woodsman could have been caught years ago if Malcolm wasn’t such a bad son. 

8:57 - “...such anger issues. Still do.” I’m going to punch him. I hate Martin. He’s mentally torturing our mental-fragile baby and he’s having fun doing it. Malcolm looks absolutely wrecked and my heart is shattering. Someone needs to give Malcolm a hug. Yesterday. 

8:59 - This moment has been giffed but damn is it worth pointing out again. The way Malcolm is self-soothing with his left hand while his right hand shakes is gorgeous. It really shows the depth of Malcolm’s inner conflict. I’m in love with this moment. Give Tom Payne an Emmy. Please.

9:13 - “There’s no time, my boy.” Every word that comes out of Martin’s mouth is calculated and manipulative. He has Malcolm exactly where he wants him and I hate it. 

10:05 - I’m 90% sure Martin already knows who the Woodsman is. He’s just playing dumb so he can screw with Malcolm’s head for longer.

10:17 - YES MALCOLM. Stand up to Martin. I love it. It also makes me worry about Malcolm’s mental health but I think we can all agree that Malcolm’s been on a downward spiral for months. At this point, our boy is not going to start improving his mental state until he hits rock bottom. 

10:19 - Martin actually looks shocked when Malcolm demands he earn his trust. Like it never occurred to him that Malcolm might be willing to rebuild the trust to begin with. 

10:30 - This whole scene between Gil and Ruiz is genuinely one of my top scenes of this episode (maybe even of the season). “The media will crucify him” “You might as well issue a shoot on sight order” “This isn’t a joke” “He has his demons but he’s not his father.” “I’ll stake my career on it.” This is one of the purest Papa!Gil scenes of the season and Malcolm isn’t even present. I love how Gil is literally willing to put his entire career on the line for Malcolm. I love how Gil is fighting for Malcolm in a public setting. Look at how the whole precinct watches the exchange. Gil is putting himself on the line in front of an entire precinct of people who respect him out of love for Malcolm. <3 <3 <3 

10:47 - “If he’s still alive.” If. Gil is terrified. Gil is losing hope. This isn’t like Watkins. Gil knows how desperately Malcolm wants Martin’s love and Gil knows that compromises Malcolm’s ability to profile his way out of a dangerous situation. Gil knows that Martin will kill Malcolm. Maybe not today, this week, or this year but it’s part of Martin’s plan. Gil knows that even if Martin doesn’t kill Malcolm - he’s capable of taking Malcolm away forever. Maybe by going on the run but maybe just because he tormented Malcolm to the point where Malcolm regresses to the scared 10-year old that Gil worked so hard to help. Gil knows Malcolm won’t survive that kind of trauma again. At least not mentally. Gil is terrified and I’m in awe. 

11:05 - “C’mon kid. Where the hell are you?” Hear that? It’s my heart shattering into a million pieces because this is the type of father Malcolm deserves. The fatherly concern Gil has for Malcolm is everything to me. 

11:20 - “Damn his daughter’s smoking.” hahahaha the irony. 

11:24 - Why am I so shocked and delighted that Malcolm has an NYPD ID? <3 It makes perfect sense that he’d have one but now I have these headcanons of Gil taking Malcolm around to the accounting office, and the administration offices to get him set up at the NYPD and my heart can’t handle how cute it is. 

12:12 - “You brought egg salad.” Ugh. These guys are so artificially in love and it grosses me out. 

12:54 - See what I mean? Crutchfield looks like Gary from the motel. I can’t unsee it. 

13:12 - Look another moment where Gil is CLEARLY thinking “this family I swear” hahahaha this man is so done with life today 

13:44 - “I know that look Jess.” <3 Aww....they’re practically married. <3 Jokes aside, this is amazing. Jessica respects Gil and she stops her plans when she notices the look on Gil’s face. She knows he’s not trying to control her - he’s trying to protect her and her children. He loves them and he’s trying to lighten her load. 

15:00 - “It’s your Lieutenant.” there’s a split second when you can see the hope, confusion, and fear clouding Malcolm’s face. For just a moment he thinks Gil is on the phone. Then the deputy says “Clare” and Malcolm’s expression transforms into one of annoyance and disgust. 

15:20 - “I didn’t have a credit card.” BAHAHAHAHAHA can we all just agree that talking about porn with your adult children is gross?

15:27 - This. Is. The. Worst. Thing. That. Could. Happen. The headline says “Son of Martin Whitly” and then later we find out Malcolm BRIGHT is on a wanted poster. Malcolm’s privacy from the press has been compromised. His life has been compromised. Nothing will ever be the same. This is bad for Malcolm’s already fragile mental health. His flimsy sense of safety has been forcibly removed and the public is going to crucify him again. Just for being Martin Whitly’s son. People are going to Google him. They’re going to find out he went to Harvard, that he was fired from the FBI, that he has mental health problems (although, Ainsley already exposed that). 

15:52 - Damn. It should be illegal for someone’s wanted picture to be that attractive (and I say that as an asexual).

16:00 - “You need a minute?” I love LOVE this interaction between JT and Dani. You can see that JT is a little unsure of how to talk to Dani because he loves her like a little sister and he knows she loves Bright. It’s adorable. <3 Big brother JT is my favourite JT. 

16:17 - “I like the guy.” UGH. I’m going to go sob in the corner. <3 <3 This line is AMAZING for two (2) reasons. 1) JT is admitting that he likes Malcolm. The bromance is real and I’m here for it. 2) This is JT subtly telling Dani that he knows she likes Bright as more than a friend and it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm isn’t a bad person and he can understand why she’s attracted to the annoying little dude. <3 

16:35 - Why is Ainsley working with Dani and JT? Does she actually want to find them? I still think she’s somehow involved in this. 

16:48 - “Did you steal this truck?!?” Good boy Malcolm. Don’t trust him. 

17:05 - Martin’s biggest mistake: he underestimated how devoted Malcolm is to his ‘mission’. He wasn’t able to manipulate and subdue Malcolm as quickly as he would’ve liked and now his plan is unravelling because Malcolm is snapping out of his ‘Martin might be good’ trance. 

17:19 - “I’m calling Gil. I should’ve known.” <3 I have no words. Just joy.

17:45 - “I do not want my son getting killed because of it.” LIES. Martin tried to kill Malcolm because of it when Malcolm was 10 years old. Martin didn’t care when Malcolm was bullied, shunned, and literally locked in a closet because of Martin. Martin didn’t care that the weight of his crimes destroyed his son’s childhood and continued mental health. Martin. Doesn’t. Care. The problem? Malcolm so so desperately wants to believe that Martin cares about him. You can convince yourself of almost anything if you want to badly enough. 

18:13 - Annnnnd Martin’s plan is back on. He’s lied his way back into Malcolm’s tentative good graces and the manipulation is still in full force. 

18:18 - The parallel that Martin is going on a stakeout with Malcolm right now and the fact that Gil used to take Malcolm on stakeouts as a kid is overwhelming. Do you think Martin knew about those stakeouts? Is this Martin’s way of trying to prove to Malcolm that he’s a better father than Gil?

18:33 - I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Capshaw is crazy and I don’t like her alone with my queen Jessica. #stressed

18:37 - “Believe me, I understand.” Ugh. Someone (preferably Gil) hug Jessica. This woman has been repressing her emotions for too long. :( 

18:56 - Ooooooooohhhhhh Capshaw just made the biggest mistake of her life. This woman is actively trying to convince the world that Malcolm is just like Martin Whitly and then she said as much to his mother’s FACE. I’m here for the lady fight. Say what you want, but vicious girl fights are so much more entertaining than dudes who just hit each other. 

19:29 - Bitch. Jessica regularly mixes pills with alcohol. Research your victim, moron. This isn’t going to work. 

19:56 - “You. Always you.” .....isn’t that what Malcolm said to Eve? Ew. ALSO the way Martin dismisses Malcolm’s admittance is very upsetting. If he wanted to prove that he’s a good father he should really pretend to care. At least a little. 

20:25 - As far as Martin is concerned, this is a victory. His son trusts him enough to let him out of the car - unsupervised. Martin’s plan is working (as far as Martin knows anyways. Malcolm is still definitely conflicted).

20:43 - I love that Malcolm keeps calling for “Martin”. Not “Dad”. Not “Dr. Whitly” (that would be bad on account of the manhunt). Just “Martin”. This goes back to Malcolm not knowing who “Martin” is to him He’s still trying to figure it out. Hell, he only resorts to calling him “Clare” when he thinks it’s the only way Martin will get back in the truck. 

21:15 - “What the hell is he doing?” EXCELLENT question. Seriously - did this moron not recognize the Surgeon and his son? There’s a literal manhunt for these two right now. It’s all over the news. It was playing on the precinct TV only a few hours ago. WHY DID CRUTCHFIELD NOT CALL ANYONE ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES?!? Isn’t it protocol to call the NYPD about this or a hotline? I’m sure it said as much on the wanted flyers and the news.

22:05 - I’m honestly so stressed that Jessica is tipsy and drugged right now. 

22:35 - “Back then I wasn’t a good judge of character. Now I can sniff them out a mile away.” UGH. This honestly gives me PTSD. My mom says the same thing. She married an abusive man and now she claims she’s self-aware and is an excellent judge of character (spoiler alert: she’s not). My mom is about as good at it as Jessica. I mean, anyone remember Endicott? Or Eve? 

23:06 - “What was that Jessie?” OMG. I hate Capshaw more with each passing moment. 

23:16. - GIL. OH THANK GOD. JESSICA IS GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. JESSICA DIDN’T GO LONE RANGER ON THIS. 

23:34 - Is that a picture of baby Malcolm on the mantle? <3 So cute. <3

24:10 - This bitch is going to jail for a looooonnnng time. Gil Arroyo and Jessica Whitly just heard her admit to torturing their son. She’s going to suffer. I’m happy about it.

24:28 - “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart is breaking. This is a real insecurity that Jessica has about Malcolm. She feels like she’s not enough for Malcolm. That’s why he keeps visiting Martin. That’s why Malcolm was so attached to Gil and Jackie as a kid (and now). Jessica feels inadequate as a mother. That probably contributes to how she emotionally neglects Ainsley. She’s afraid of trying and failing to be enough for both of her children. So she denies herself the possibility of failure by throwing the match. 

25:07 - Jessica and Malcolm studying Krav Maga together. Headcannon accepted. My heart swells at the thought. 

26:12 - Anyone else think it’s interesting that the picture of baby Ainsley was smashed over Jessica’s head. It just feels too convenient. It has to be some sort of hidden message. Does it mean that Ainsley’s the one who is going to destroy the family? Does it mean Ainsley’s working with Capshaw (or Martin)? It has to mean something. Right?!?

26:34 - “I meant for her sake.” I love Gil. He’s not threatened by the fact that Jessica is a badass. Hell, he thinks it hot. Weak men are intimidated by strong women. Gil’s a keeper. 

26:46 - WHUMP. <3

27:15 - This wasn’t part of Martin’s plan but I do genuinely think Martin’s not nearly as scared as he’s acting. 

27:38 - Why doesn’t JT introduce Ainsley? Because she’s not law enforcement and she’s not technically supposed to be there?

27:56 - Damn. Ainsley is desperate for attention from anyone. I bet you that’s why she became a reporter. People have to listen to you when your face is on their TV reporting the news. 

29:41 - JT is triggered. :( This is PTSD. The last time a gun was pointed at him it was extremely traumatic “I’m a father. I’m a good man and I am not a threat to you.” :( Someone hug him. 

29:57 - “But she is.” <3 DAMN. Badass!Dani for the win. <3 

30:34 - “Predatory psychopath married an emotionally compromised enabler.” Is this a comment on Jessica and Martin’s marriage? Jessica didn’t consciously enable Martin but her rich lifestyle and the things she was willing to overlook to maintain appearances definitely gave Martin more leeway than he should have had. 

30:48 - “You haven’t been in my league for decades.” Yep. Now Martin wants to kill Don. He didn’t need Malcolm to beg him to hurt Don. Martin was already chomping at the bit. 

32:00 - “NO.” Malcolm’s not his father. Even now he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He tries to protect everyone from physical harm. Even serial killers. That’s a good man. 

32:30 - I hated this speech from Ainsley. It felt....artificial? I just can’t see Ainsley actually believing that her Mother is light, kind, and good when she clearly resents her Mother for paying so much attention to Malcolm and neglecting her. This whole speech just felt really out of character to me. It felt like Ainsley was pulling a Malcolm - saying whatever she needed to get the suspect to confess to the truth. 

33:43 - “I can’t. Not anymore.” Bullshit. Martin clearly wants to hurt this guy. He just refuses to do it until Malcolm begs. Also, it feels like the show is trying to suggest that this is Malcolm giving into the ‘darkness’ that Ainsley was referring to. I disagree. This is typical Malcolm - consumed by the need to save a victim and solve the case. This is the guy who chopped off a guy’s hand to save his life, the guy who tried to infiltrate a cult to save Andi, the guy who tried climbed out of an elevator shaft to arrest a serial killer. Malcolm just doesn’t care about himself and his mental health isn’t doing so great. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming a killer. He’s not ‘going dark’.

34:40 - “Please. I’m asking as your son.” This wrecked me. 1) Malcolm looks so utterly destroyed here. Anguish is all over his face. You can see him grasping at straws because he’s so desperate to save Jeannie. He’s willing to compromise the idea that his Dad may have changed. Malcolm knows Martin hasn’t changed but asking him to do this will make it real and kill Malcolm’s desperate fantasy of a bio-dad who loves him. 2) Martin is a piece of shit. You can see how utterly delighted he is when Malcolm begs and refers to himself as Martin’s son. Martin views Malcolm as a possession and it delights him to hear Malcolm confirm that possession (”I’m asking as you son.”)

35:00 - Okay. His hand isn’t shaking but look at him. You can’t tell me he’s enjoying this. He looks terrified, guilty, nauseous and I don’t think it’s because he’s suddenly realizing that he and Martin are the same. I think it’s because he just compromised his moral code to save a total stranger. He somehow found it in himself to favour a Jeannie over Don. Yes - Don is a serial killer. Yes - Jeannie is his victim. So, yeah - picking Jeannie over Don is logical but does that make it right? That’s what Malcolm is struggling with. That AND the fact that he just asked his Dad to hurt someone - the screaming is probably bringing back suppressed childhood PTSD from that camping trip in the woods. 

35:13 - Another crazy theory for why Malcolm’s hand isn’t shaking. Have you ever been so so so scared/stressed/anxious that you felt nothing? Seriously - it’s like your brain just shuts down everything but life support and your body goes on autopilot. I honestly think that could be happening to Malcolm as a way to cope with the stress. 

35:20 - This is Martin pretending to be tormented and I HATE HIM FOR IT. He’s playing with our broken boy and I despise him for it. Hasn’t Malcolm suffered enough?!?!

36:04 - Something tells me that Don’s testimony will be vital to clearing Malcolm’s name next season (yes, I’m in complete denial that this show is cancelled). 

37:03 - This hurts. Martin is comforting Jeannie and it’s bringing back childhood memories for Malcolm. Memories of a Dad who used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed at night. Memories that are tainted with the knowledge that Martin is a serial killer. Look at how sad Malcolm is. He’s fully accepting that Martin hasn’t changed and that he never will. He’s letting go of the desperate hope that Martin might love him the way he remembers as a child. He’s remembering that the love he experienced as a child was all a hoax on Martin’s part to begin with. 

37:07 - WHEN DID MALCOLM GET A PHONE??!?! WTF. 

37:14 - “The bad man is gone now.” Except he’s not. He’s always been here. He didn’t change. He just tried to be cleverer than his son. It failed. 

37:52 - Do you know what would have made this scene even more powerful? A flashback to the phone call baby Malcolm made to 911 in 1998. 

38:08 - NOW Martin is Dr.Whitly because Malcolm has fully accepted that Martin = The Surgeon = Dr. Whitly. They’re all the same and they all suck.

38:33 - “Maybe I need to work on that.” <3 <3 Yes, get sober sweetheart. Your dependance on alcohol and pills is not healthy. 

38:45 - This Gillica moment will live forever in my heart. I swear I’ve never shipped to people so hard while fully wanting them to be my parents. 

38:51 - OMG. Of fucking course it’s Edrisa. <3 hahahahaha

39:29 - The fact that Malcolm gave Jeannie his jacket is so cute to me. Just more proof that Malcolm’s a good guy. 

39:57 - Looks like the Claremont cardio program is lacking. (I’m so mean).

40:08 - I love this whole exchange between Martin and Malcolm. 1) I fully believe that Martin is genuinely upset that Malcolm turned him in (the dude doesn’t want to go back to prison - fair enough). 2) Malcolm just looks so broken as he listens to his father rant. You can see how bad Malcolm feels for turning his own father over to the cops. Again. The guilt is consuming Malcolm. Very bad for his flimsy mental health. 

40:22 - “You made me become him again.” Okay. Stay in your lane Martin. Let’s not victim blame here. You’re a monster. You’ve been manipulating Malcolm all day and you’re still at it. You wanted to hurt Don but you want to hurt Malcolm more. 

41:11 - “This world isn’t for you.” My heart is shattering. You can hear the pain in Malcolm’s voice. This isn’t a conversation anyone should have to have with a parents. Especially not when you’re already wracked with guilt and mental health issues that you’re not coping with.

41:20 - “Dad. Listen to me. I’m trying to save you.” THIS. THIS is the show. For two years we’ve watched Malcolm try to empathize and understand killers because he’s desperate to save his father and alleviate his guilt for turning Martin in. 

42:00 - “I was a good father. But you, you were never a good son.” ...............this is bad. Shit. This. Is. Bad. This is going to torment Malcolm for the rest of his life. He is going to constantly question “should I have been nicer to Ainsley? Should I have been more obedient? Should I have shown more of an interest in medicine? Would that have stopped that from killing? Did he kill because I wasn’t a good enough son?” Logically Malcolm will know none of that is true but it won’t matter because pain isn’t always logical. 

42:26 - 1) Damn. This family is stabby. 2) holy shit holy shit holy shit. 3) I’m shook. I fully expected it but I’m still shook. It was self defence but that won’t matter. Sure, there’s a 90% chance that Malcolm won’t suffer legally for this but there’s a 100% chance this is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. The guilt is going to swallow him whole. His mental health is going. to reach an all time low. The media will crucify him. No one will look at him the same. He won’t be able to go anywhere without people making assumptions about him. He’s going to be transported back to 1998 - this time with more trauma. It’s not going to be good (and I’m ecstatic at the thought of it because I’m an emotional whump whore). 

42:40 - His hand’s not shaking. I honestly think it’s because he’s in shock because Malcolm still looks like hell. He’s dissociating. If this triggers a mute!Malcolm episode I’m going to be the most excited person in the world. 

42:46 - “I was right. We’re the same.” This was Martin’s master plan. He knew once he escaped Claremont there was no going back. He didn’t want to go back to prison so he found a way to get himself killed (I’m assuming this kills Martin because that’s a lot of blood). No only did he plan to either 1) be on the run forever or 2) die trying  - he made sure that he could torment Malcolm as much as possible along the way. This sentence is going to destroy Malcolm. That sentence has been his greatest fear for 23 years. Now he thinks it’s true. It doesn’t matter that he stabbed out of self-defence. Fear isn’t logical. This is a big problem. 

43:12 - “Bright? What did you do?!?” ..................It’s been 3 days and I still can’t handle this sentence. You can see the shock on Dani’s face and the fear in Malcolm’s eyes. He looks like a cornered animal. He thinks she’s going to arrest him - he knows she has to. He thinks he just ruined his chances at a happy ending with Dani. He’s realizing all at once just how bad his life is about to get. AND DANI - she doesn’t believe he’s a killer but that doesn’t mean she’s not scared for him. The dude looks like he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown plus the legal issues - it’s not going to be a good day. 

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SEASON ENDED LIKE THIS. I HATE IT. I LOVE IT. I’M CONFLICTED. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I WANT CLOSURE AND THIS JUST GAVE ME MORE QUESTIONS. UGH. THANK GOD FOR AO3. 

I sincerely hope another network picks us up for a third season - I’ll be back if they do. If not - thanks for hanging out with me. I’ve had fun and this show will always have home in my heart. 

#FINALE #jess-rewatches-prodigal #malcolm bright #prodigal son #gil arroyo #dani powell #JT Tarmel #ainsley whitly #martin whitly #edrisa tanaka #jessica whitly #I LOVE this show #whump #rewatch #spoliers #malcolm needs a hug #ps #so good #SEASON finale #I'm hopeful for S3 #2x13 #e13 #s2 #the last weekend

[agreeablesenseofthemacabre]

Lifting the Sea

“Where’s Cas?” 

Dean does a full comedic rotation before spotting the Angel— his husband— whatever, scowling at his phone near a landmark. 

He shrugs, “Catching those little monster dudes probably. Apparently they’re all over the place here.”

Sam’s brow furls, he looks over at Eileen who shrugs. 

“What?”

“You know that fuckin’ app that everybody was obsessed with like... 5 years ago? Pocket something something”

Sam frowns for a split second then it hits him.

“Pokémon go?”

“Yeah that shit.” Dean shrugs again, his green eyes still fixed on the man in question. “I knew it was a mistake getting a smartphone” but he doesn’t sound nearly as bothered as he claims. He glares upward. “It’s fucking hot” 

Sam’s also dart up. “I mean. It’s the beach Dean.” He stares pointedly at his brother’s attire. “Would it kill you to buy some shorts maybe a tshirt?” 

Dean pulls a face, but doesn’t argue, Cas is waving happily- just now noticing how far they’ve walked away from him. He points excitedly to his phone and says something. 

“Can’t hear—” Dean sighs, “CAN’T HEAR YA CAS, you’re too far” he yells, smiling softly. “Asshole.” 

Dean points at the nearby shop, waving to get Sam’s attention, a couple kids are clustered around Cas chattering to him animatedly. 

“Sam. Can you keep an eye on him? I’ll be right back” 

~~~

When Dean walks back out into the sunshine Cas has finally decided to join them. He’s signing to Eileen and going intensely through the alphabet. Probably more about that damn Pokémon game. 

Sam whistles, “I’m blind” he laughs. “Your legs, they’re reflecting the sun”

Dean flips him off.

“No, but for real Dean, have your thighs ever been exposed to light? Are you sure it’s safe?”

“HA, HA, fuck you”

Cas turns at his voice, eyes glowing happily, and how in the hell did Dean Winchester get so lucky. 

“I caught a Charizard in the wild Dean, none of the other players were able to capture him” He informs proudly, phone still out, finger flipping with precision, “You have very nice legs” he adds. “The sunlight will cause you to have more freckles, plus the added health benefits of vitamin D”

Dean winks, “Any nude beaches out here? I could benefit from your vitamin d”

Sam retches, seizing the umbrella from Dean and heading toward the beach. “You two are disgusting” 

Dean waves cheerily before turning back to his boyfriend— husband. 

“So What’s a charred—“

“Charizard.” Cas corrects, “dragon fire type”

“Uh-huh” Dean reaches for Cas’ hand, it takes him a second to get used to flicking with his thumb, but he manages, Dean lets Cas lead. “Did you bully those kids out of their dragon? Dragons suck dude.”

“It is very rare to catch in the wild, Edwin told me, he is one of the top players in this region, he is 12, and though he is Team Valor, and I am team Instinct, I decided to trust him.”

“Whatever you say babe.”

“I think you might enjoy this game Dean, it combines hunting and tracking with less bloodshed and all of the monsters seem kind.” Cas squints suddenly, yanking them out of the flow of traffic and down onto the beach. “I see combees.”

~~

“Handsome and artistic, you’ve gotta be a serial killer right?”

Dean raises his head, shielding his eyes in the sun. She’s tall, and curvy with sparkling eyes and a near perfect smile. 

“I don’t know about artistic, but I never murder and tell”

She throws out a hand. 

“I’m Clarice” 

“Dean.”

She notices the lift of his expression and rolls her eyes good naturally, “Yeah like Silence of the Lambs”

“Put the lotion in the basket” he intones with a mock accent. 

“Yeah that never gets old” 

He laughs and she smiles and takes a seat on the beach chair beside him.

“What brings you out here into the sunshine?” 

“Celebratin’.” His eyes turn back to his sketchbook, thumb smudging a carefully drawn mop of black hair.

“Oh, that’s fun, how old are you?” She doesn’t seem bothered by his in attention, sips her drink and watches him sketch. 

“Ah um” He shifts and does the mental math. “Forty-three I think...”

“Looking good” she says appreciatively. He’s too focused on the lines, eyes occasionally darting to the ocean, quite obviously only half listening. She’s not put off yet- no ring on his finger, only a necklace with two silver circles and that could mean anything.

“So uh, a couple of my friends are headed down into the—“

“DEAN!” 

His attention is immediately diverted, a man waist-deep in the frigid surf is pointing excitedly at something, he’s still wearing his snorkel mask. He pulls something free of the water- revealing a long, lean wriggling shape.  

“Is that a fucking shark?” Dean mutters in disbelief, then much louder “CAS is that a fucking shark?”

A giant man with longer hair stops splashing the woman with him, turns and starts cackling. The shark handler pulls his mask off, beaming. “Jack would love this!”

Clarice shades her eyes and takes a good look at the man with the shark and then at the drawing Dean’s been working on. 

“Who’s that?” She asks, his distraction giving her a better chance seeing what’s in his sketchbook. 

A lovingly rendered drawing of what looks like the man with the shark. But in the sketch it’s in a much different position, hair ruffled in detail over his brow. Blankets pooled around his barely covered hipbones. His eyes burn with inner heat despite the fact that they’re merely pencil on paper. His subject had clearly been in love with whomever he’d been looking at. 

“That is my boyfriend, he’s gonna get his nipple bit off if he’s not careful.” Dean’s smiling cause Sam is trying to talk Cas into releasing the shark and is clearly failing. “Oh hell, I guess husband now.”

She stands, “I am so sorry, I didn’t realize. I gotta—“

“Nice to meet you Clarice” he says, honestly surprised by her quick exit. “Yo STEVE IRWIN. put the shark down and come up here— time to reapply sunblock”

~~

“Who was that woman?” Cas asks, shaking like a dog and stirring a loud swearing session out of Dean as he shields his sketchbook from the saltwater.

“What woman?”

“The one speaking to you earlier? When I caught the shark?”

Dean looks completely vacant before remembering. “Oh shit, yeah! Clarice or something. Nice lady.”

Cas nods, waiting patiently while Dean starts applying sunscreen to his back. 

“Did she need something?”

Dean shrugs, “just being friendly I guess, lean close. I gotta get your nose”

Cas hums and obliges, he grins suddenly and rips open a Velcro pocket in his trunks revealing his prize to Dean. 

“Is that a goddamn crab Castiel?”

The angel nods happily. “We should find out if Claire can FaceTime. She would love to see.”

~~

Claire and Kaia lean close, Dean’s got the camera aimed so that it’s mostly sky and their foreheads. Cas is smushed against his cheek waving. 

“Jesus.” Claire hisses. “Hold the damn camera still. Dean— look, YOU’RE the square in the corner.”

Kaia hasn’t stopped giggling since they connected.

“How is Kansas?” Cas asks. “Are you well?”

Claire rolls her eyes. “You’ve been gone two days. It’s the same Cas— house burned down and a ghoul attack—“

The camera reels, two deep gruff voices start speaking rapidly. 

“She’s joking!” Kaia intervenes. “Castiel, Dean. She’s joking. We’re fine and safe, worst thing that happened is we ran out of coffee.”

He nods seriously— the left side of Dean’s face is unamused.

“Tell them not to put damn Walmart coffee in my coffee machine—“

Cas lifts a blurry item into view. “I caught a crab today,”

She freezes only for a moment, crabs had been her thing in 1st grade. Her dad had shared some of his favorite memories with Cas; she was realizing that he did it because he trusted the angel. The crab thing was a new one— he seems proud though, pleased that he remembered. 

“He also caught a fucking shark with his bare hands.” Dean adds, taking the phone back, view now up his nostrils. They’re both sunburned and nearly glowing with happiness. “Almost lost a nipple”

“I did not.” It’s Cas’ turn to roll his eyes. “I will send you photographs via messaging after the call.”

“When are you guys headed back?” Claire asks, cause she’s pleased about the pictures and doesn’t know how to admit it. 

Dean turns the camera again. This time slightly more centered. 

“Sam and Eileen are heading home tomorrow, but Cas says he has more surprises for me and “undomesticated equine could not drag the secrets from him’”

Dean and Claire snort simultaneously. 

“I was being funny.” Cas interjects, Dean laughs at something off camera and grabs his face, kissing Cas’ cheek. “I know the saying.”

“Gotta go.” Dean says, with a wink. “Gotta get our vitamin D for the day, right Sunshine?”

The camera tips; Cas is frowning in confusion and they can barely see the top of Dean’s now suggestively wagging eyebrows.

“Oh. Uh. Yes.” Cas looks guiltily at the phone and shakes his head at Dean. “Vitamins.”

Kaia starts wheezing with laughter. It dawns on Claire moments later.

“That’s fucking gross.”

Cas shrugs apologetically, Dean’s laughter fills the background.

“We appear to be having connection issues.” Cas mutters, They watch Cas fumble with the phone as he frantically tries to hang up before Dean does anything scandalous.

“See you in a week!” Dean shouts. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Bye...” the screen goes dark and Claire is left with her and Kaia’s amused reflections. “Dads.”

~~ 

If you liked this it’s connected to my ao3 vibesandwonders. Come say hey here and see the rest of the series

#destiel honeymoon #destiel #dean winchester #Castiel #sam winchester #eileen leahy #casdean #ficlet #spn #supernatural #domestic destiel #domestic deancas #kaia nieves #claire novak #spn fic #spn fanfiction #spn drabble #spn destiel

[atruththatyoudeny]

Monthly Reads | September 2020

Happy 28th! All the love for all the authors in this fandom. Thank you for making my days better with your work! ♥ Here are all the fics I read and loved this month: 🍂 Remember Me Fondly | kiddle | enemies to friends to lovers - 1990s - historical - angst - humor - closets - 74k “You’ve told the beginning of the story so many times. I want to hear the end.” Louis laughed, scratching at his chin. “I can’t say I really know when the end happened.” “How about the tour of ninety-five?” “Alright.” Louis took a deep breath. “But it took a few steps to get there. What would you like to know?” Penny cleared her throat. “How did you first meet Harry Styles?” Grunge legends Fearless Doe topped the rock charts in the ‘90s, but they spent the decade kicking Smudge off their heels. From lawsuits to jaw-dropping scandals and a surprising joint world tour, the two bands share a complicated history. Twenty-five years later, frontmen Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are finally ready to sit down and tell the world their two sides of the same story. Truth may vary.

🍂 you came into my life | disgruntledkittenface | Queer Eye AU - american AU - closeted character - Coming Out - pining - fluff - angst - implied/referenced homophobia - 57k They stand around talking for a minute and then Jonathan starts to ramble, “Has there ever been, like, an unrequited gay love story in here? Like a Brokeback Mountain moment where, like, someone just fell in love and they didn’t mean to?” Louis feels bile rise in his throat as Jonathan’s eyes sparkle, pleading for a yes. He manages to look around and see thoughtful looks on his coworkers’ faces before their heads shake no. “Not here,” Liam says finally. When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

🍂 Everything I need I get from you | jaerie | a/b/o - mpreg - strangers to lovers - emotional/ psychological abuse - sexism - unplanned pregnancy - 10k In a world where music and sound are just as vital to health as food, Harry is stuck in a town that thinks professional music is a scam and a relationship he never wanted. One chance event changes his life.

🍂 at last, at last | suspendrs | post-apocalypse - dystopia - cult - mentions of violence - mentions of death - homophobia - internalized homophobia - 41k “Come with us,” Tommo says, stopping at the other end of the gymnasium, near the doors. “Don’t let them make you suffer any longer. Come with us, and be human.” Before Harry has even finished thinking it through, he’s on his feet, gaining the attention of every single person in the gymnasium. What has he got to lose, anyway? Or, Harry is born into a cult in a post-apocalyptic world, and Louis is the leader of the rebel group tasked with the mission of shutting them down. Together, they make a rather effective team.

🍂 give me love | falsegoodnight and soldouthaz | a/b/o - past relationship trauma - past abusive relationship - slow burn - touch deprivation - touch starvation - nesting - angst - fluff - 41k Despite being an omega, Louis’ always had a blatant dislike of alphas. - Or, Louis doesn't feel like a good omega, Harry doesn't remember how to be an alpha, and they figure it out together.

🍂 You, Who Never Arrived | abrighteryellow | Only You AU - strangers to lovers - 90s AU - world travel - soulmates - fluff - angst - Fate & Destiny - 42k “That was him, Niall.” He claps a hand over a disbelieving laugh. “My soulmate – the person I’ve been waiting for since I was nine years old. That was him on the other end of the phone.” “But it can’t–” Niall stutters, unsure of what to do, how to put a stop to this. “That wasn’t real.” “Wasn’t it?” Louis rushes past him, zipping up his fly. He grabs a black denim jacket from a hook near the door. “Then who did I just talk to?” “Where are you going?” Niall demands as Louis pockets his keys and swings his front door open. “I just have to get a look at him. I just have to see, that’s all!” “You’re not serious. Louis, it’s already late.” “He’s at the airport. Fifteen years I’ve been expecting him around every corner, and now he’s half an hour away. I can’t just sit here.” “Bu–” “I’m not going to do anything crazy, I promise. I just–I have to see him. This is my chance. Maybe my only chance.” Louis Tomlinson is days away from marrying a perfectly nice podiatrist when he gets a phone call that changes everything. Or, the Only You AU in which Louis has a soulmate and it's definitely not Harry Styles.

🍂 Shall we sleep, my love? | givelourrylove | angst - emotional hurt/comfort - kid fic - 15k There is so much sincerity in Harry’s voice. So much that says you, Louis, I look forward to seeing you, you and your soft eyes and your petite body, just you, you, you, but Louis forces himself to ignore that. To gulp it down again, sizing up the lump that had formed beneath his lungs, possibly reappearing any time and choking him with everything he decided not to think about for the past year. or Louis loses his job as a teacher, has to move out and find somewhere to live. A certain someone named Harry offers his home to Louis and his son. Pining, crying and reading bedtime stories involved.

🍂 so much I could live for I could die | louisnights | dystopia - trans character - sexual harrassment - friends to lovers - strangers to friends to lovers - no smut - 15k “Sometimes I wonder what’s out there,” Louis confesses, tucking into his second biscuit. “I wonder if what they’re saying is true, about the Thieves, about the other compounds. Why are we not allowed to leave? Go to other compounds?” Lottie gets up, letting out a sigh as she squeezes his shoulder. “You shouldn’t think like that, Lou, it will get you killed.” “They can’t take away my thoughts,” Louis answers defiantly. Lottie pats his shoulder before she disappears to her room, closing the door behind her with a quiet click. or: Louis is a transgender man who escapes his compound after extenuating circumstances, and meets the Thieves, who show him what freedom really is.

🍂 A Road To Hope | he_wants_to_write | historical - World War II - 1940s - farm/ranch - PTSD - emotional hurt - hurt/comfort - angst - mental instability - internalized homophobia - 18k “We’re far from the people and their issues, don’t hold back. Please.” It’s true. They are far away from anything that could stop them, the middle of nowhere being the safest place on Earth for them to fall in love. The sacred land where sacred love is created. However, Louis is certain that even if they weren’t safe, he wouldn’t resist the sight of Harry, his pleading eyes, his warm skin beneath his touch. or In the heat of April, 1944, an escapee soldier lost in a dirt-road stumbles upon a small farm and finds himself recovering from the traumas of World War II in the simplicity of a frugal life, with the help of a little boy's innocent soul, and a farmer's hopeful green eyes.

🍂 With Love's Light Wings | 4ureyesonly28 and reminiscingintherain | Rome and Juliet AU - a/b/o - 1920s - marriage proposals - 12k Two households, both alike in dignity, / In fair London town, where we lay our scene... — Or something like that, anyway. On either side of the River Thames live Louis Montague and Harry Capulet, their noble packs entangled in a feud so old, nobody even remembers what caused it. As fate will have it, against all odds, they fall in love. Harder than the bricks that make up their families’ estates and faster than a Duesenberg car. AKA The 1920s ABO Romeo & Juliet AU that we desperately wanted to write.

🍂 The Very First Words of a Lifelong Love Letter | LiveLaughLoveLarry | first meetings - friends to lovers - weddings - no smut - 9.5k The prompt I picked was (lightly edited): "Harry and Louis have been best friends ever since they met through fandom (I picked Critical Role) twitter. Person A (I picked Louis) lives in New York City and Person B (Harry) lives in the UK. They’ve never met in person but they FaceTime and text daily. Person B’s cousin is getting married to a rich American who’s paying for the entire family to travel to The Hamptons for a summer wedding. Are Harry and Louis ready to meet?" ~*~ Harry thought he was just imagining things when the flower girl looked like one of the twins, but -- he’s almost certain that groomsman is Louis. The pictures he's seen haven't been the best quality, granted, but he knows Louis. He does. Harry stares wide-eyed as he walks down the aisle in step with the bridesmaid, taking their places on either side of the stage. As they turn to look out into the audience, Harry’s strong suspicion solidifies into certainty. That’s Louis. He’d bet his life on it. But Louis doesn’t look at him, and it’s not like Harry can wave. He can only stare, mouth still hanging half-open. Suddenly, as much as he loves weddings, he can’t wait for this one to be over.

🍂 promise you'll remember (when the sky is grey) | Anonymous | american AU - summer - 33k "Once you come to this town, you find that it's not so easy to leave," Niall spoke with a fond tone in his voice. "Canyon isn't a place that one leaves behind easily." "I guess we'll be able to test your theory come August," Harry spoke with a small grin, "because I'm set to leave on the twenty-ninth to get back to work in LA." Niall smirked back in reply, "I guess we will, but mark my words, you'll end up finding something to make you stay. We all did." Harry laughed, surprised at the man’s unwavering confidence in his statement. "We'll see." - a summer spent in small town Maine, filled with trips to the farmer’s market, lemonade tailgating, taylor swift, and falling in love at quite possibly the most inconvenient time ever (not necessarily in that order).

#28th appreciation #fic rec #monthly reads #monthly fic rec #my reads #my fic rec #completed fics #larry fics

[kitkatt0430]

the flash and the problem of the pointless sacrifice

It starts at the end of season one. Eddie Thawne picks up his gun and shoots himself, dying to protect Iris, Barry, and the rest from his dangerous descendent Eobard Thawne.

Season two ends with its reversal, Barry creating the Flashpoint Timeline that, though its eventually set back to 'normal-ish', leaves a time remnant of Eobard Thawne alive and well (if running scared from the Black Flash/Hunter Zolomon as a speed zombie) to wreak havoc once more.

And I get it. The Reverse Flash is one of the Flash's most iconic villains - killing him off in season one couldn't be permanent. But apparently Eddie's suicide could be and the message that sends is... unfortunate.

Eddie is an extremely kindhearted person and we see that about him again and again throughout season one. He always has a smile for the people he cares about and he's an absolutely terrible liar. But we also know that he was bullied as a child/teen and since he never brings up the subject of his own family, it's likely he doesn't have a support structure outside of Central City. And the support structure he does gain in Central City was Barry's support structure first. There's not a single person we see Eddie spend time with in season one that didn't know Barry first.

And that's a big part of what wears him down over the course of the season. When both Barry and Eddie need support, Barry gets it first. Barry's secrets are treated as something Eddie has to prioritize over his relationship with Iris. Barry's loved Iris longer than Eddie's known her and while Iris loves Eddie, she also loves Barry and she's infatuated with the Flash - not realizing he's Barry's alter ego. Over the course of the season, Eddie constantly tries to connect with Barry and Barry constantly holds back. Their relationship is never equal. And that's what leaves Eddie open to Eobard's manipulations with the future news article.

And Eddie tries to make his own future with Iris anyway. But even with Iris accepting his proposal, Joe makes it clear he'll never truly accept their relationship and Eddie's sense of self worth is at an all time low. And that's the state of mind he's in during the fight in the pipeline. When Barry chooses not to let Eobard go after all, it puts them all in a position of potentially having to deal with this fight between the two speedsters just... never ending. It puts Iris in danger because Barry cares about her and because while Eddie is Eobard's ancestor... Iris isn't. From Eobard's point of view, Eddie's the only one who isn't expendable and from Eddie's point of view... he's the only one who is expendable.

His answer is suicide. And his death immediately erases Eobard from the timeline, but its also implied to have contributed to the re-emergence of the singularity. But at least Eobard was dead.

At least, until Barry created Flashpoint at the end of season 2. Presumably Eddie was alive in Flashpoint, but we never see him. Maybe he stays in Keystone instead of transferring to Central City. Never meets Iris. Never gets worn down to feel like he's not good enough. Never kills himself.

When Flashpoint is reset, Eddie's dead again but now his sacrifice has been rendered moot because Eobard's still alive as a time remnant.

It sets a rather nasty precedent for the show.

Season two also ends with a suicide. This time it's Barry's.

Much like Eddie the year before, Barry's been worn down. He had his place in his family's come into question, with Henry leaving at the start of the season and Wally's arrival midway through the season. His back is literally broken by the stress of fighting Zoom and despite everything he's suffered for the city, his honor is called into question the instant a different speedster takes to thievery. He has to give up his speed to protect Wally only for that to immediately put Caitlin in danger. His colleagues are brutally murdered by Zoom to teach him a lesson. His father finally comes back for good, only to be murdered in the same place as Barry's mother.

Honestly, there is no question (to my mind anyway) that Barry's suicidal at the end of the season. And because Barry his time remnants are fundamentally the same person at the moment of their split, the time remnant Barry creates is suicidal as well.

That time remnant tears himself apart to stop Zoom's plan to destroy the multi-verse. His very existence also lures in the Time Wraiths that take Zoom away, transforming him into the mindless Black Flash. All at the cost of a version of Barry killing himself, going unlamented and forgotten. But at least the multi-verse was safe.

Until the Red Skies Crisis when the multi-verse is actually destroyed and rebooted.

Another sacrifice rendered pointless.

HR does not kill himself in season three. But he deliberately places himself in a position to be killed in Iris' place. He arrives on the heels of a scandal on his Earth where he's been revealed to have been taking credit for someone else's work - with that person's blessing, but its still ruined his reputation. He comes wanting to reinvent himself, but from the start he's not the person the team really wants. They want Harry. Cisco wants Harry. He gets it hammered in that his strengths aren't appreciated by the team because he's not a scientist. His efforts to help STAR Labs are dismissed entirely. The only reason any attempts to help his museum venture succeed are because changing the future might save Iris.

It's not that HR is disliked, but he's left acutely aware that he's considered 'a bit much' and that he's always going to come second to the people he puts first. In fact, Tracy's probably the only one who truly and completely appreciates HR as he is.

So HR swaps places with Iris, knowing that he's going to die when he does. And while HR doesn't kill himself, there's an argument to be made that what he did was still suicide by proxy.

And this is a sacrifice that sticks, because Iris West is the love interest. She's never going to be killed off for real.

Three seasons ending with a suicidal sacrifice. And only one of them doesn't have that sacrifice reversed or nullified. Unfortunately, that's not the end of it either.

Harry leaves his Earth at the start of season four. His relationship with his daughter, which was shown to still be strong in season three, has somehow deteriorated to the point where she's thrown him off her support team and he comes to Earth-1 to reconnect with the found family he forged during season two. He's in the midst of a crisis and his understanding of himself as a parent is unraveling. And then DeVoe calls the other pillar of Harry's self identity into question, because Harry's genius isn't enough on its own anymore. He's not smart enough to out think DeVoe and his Earth-1 family is suffering. So Harry creates his own downfall, burns out his own brain trying to be the smartest. And he sacrifices his last moments of lucidity to find the answer to stopping DeVoe. In doing so, Harry puts Barry in the position to save Ralph's life.

But DeVoe still gets the last laugh when he causes the STAR Labs satellite to come falling down, nearly destroying the city and creating Cicada in the process.

But unlike previous seasons, Harry doesn't die. He gets some of his intelligence back and immediately gets exiled by the writers back to Earth-2 due to the massive problems with ableism this show has. But that's a different conversation.

Season five is probably the only season not to include a suicidal character who's kills themselves. Nora dies when she erases herself from the timeline by accident, but we know now she'll be back in the back half of season seven, along with her new brother. But one out five seasons not taking a suicide (or similar action in Harry's case) and painting it as a noble - but ultimately useless - gesture is rather... bad as far as track records go.

Season six has the alternate Barry Allen - implied to be the Barry from the 90s show - who dies in place of this show's Barry. To save the multi-verse and let this other Barry go home to his wife, something he'll never have with Tina again. And the multi-verse is destroyed anyway.

Season seven opened with Nash Wells, whose usual method of investigating mysteries and hoaxes led to the Anti Monitor's freedom and the multi-verse's destruction. His home Earth destroyed so he can never go home. He's confronted with an alternate version of his dead daughter, who can barely stand his presence. He begins to hallucinate alternate versions of himself and is possessed by the Reverse Flash and all his research on how to create a new Speed Force - to try to make up for some of the damage he's caused - points to a single conclusion. The only way to make things better is for him to die.

Instead, Nash's death immediately makes things worse. The artificial speed force is flawed and Barry destroys it in the very next episode. And while one could argue that Nash's death allowed Barry to save Iris and ultimately restored the original Speed Force, it doesn't negate the fact that Nash's suicidal state of mind wasn't addressed by the people who called him friend. And his legacy was immediately deemed a failure and destroyed.

While I wouldn't say the show is glorifying suicide, there's a subtle and incredibly troubling repetition in the story telling on the show that frames suicide as the right decision in certain circumstances. Even though what's being sacrificed for often comes to naught. And it's incredibly uncomfortable, seeing it all laid out like this.

I'm still really not sure what to make of it all, but I've got no doubt it ties into the show's ableism with regards to mental health issues. Because every time its someone whose mental health has been brought down to a low point who commits these acts of 'sacrifice' and while the team grieves these losses... they don't seem to learn from them either. Because it just keeps happening.

(Think I missed something? Please, by all means, add on.)

#the flash #the flash meta #tw suicude #some of the story telling trends on this show can be a little disturbing when you take a closer look at them #discussing several characters on the Flash who commit suicide (or make self-destructive decisions) across the seven seasons #ableism on the Flash

[topconfessions]

I really can’t see why anyone would dislike TOP. He doesn’t do anything to anyone, he minds his business, he’s very generous and giving. His scandal shouldn’t be out agasint him as ‘problematic’ when the man tried taking his own life and smoked due to his mental health coming to a boiling point. He’s very unproblematic. I don’t see as many TOP anti’s like I do for GD. But still when I see hate about him I think, why? He’s such a good humble idol.

I don't know what to say to this.

As someone who was utterly in love with him if not infatuated and thought he was the ultimate and could do no wrong, I can clearly see why a lot of people don't like him.

he has a tendency of coming off as pretentious to those who are not acquainted with who he is and his artistic interests. He objectively does have a way of conveying his passion for art, the art world and his expertise as something he's a master of. I can put my finger on it but I can see how people take it this way although I know he truly loves the high end art scene.

He genuinely had a lot of weird fetishes and his quirks that many of us love that come off as 4D dork personality may come off as irritating, fake, weird, abstract and eccentric. His behavior even at his best back in the day isng everyone's cup of tea.

Top has made it beyond obvious he has very strict ideals about certain things. These don't always make him mysterious and highly intriguing in the way he wants it to be. I.e. his not being touched thing.

He had very strange and unrealistic requirements / ideals about women without reflecting on why that is. A typical feminist would not like it.

His Instagram as a whole especially back in the day.

Him being reclusive hurts him more than aids him cause this is how his reputation and perception takes a plummet cause not only does it isolates himself from information and seeing how the public feels so he can improve or just be aware, its ammo for fans and media to take the narratives about him and run it as fact as he is not someone who actively not effectively sets things straight. At the most he will check a negative fan once in a while.

I love TOP dearly but to me objectively he comes off as a celebrity who KNOWS he is mega famous and sees a clear divide between himself and the public. Its something about how he carries himself that I think people who dislike him can see. Like you don't get that uppity detacthed aura with Keanu Reeves or Gong Yoo y'know the very humble approachable celebs who kinda exude that right off the bat. Those two guys aren't people you need to know everything about to see that they aren't detached.

Again his quirks and likes on top of interactions with others may be seen ad strange

He has a drinking problem and fans who dislike him may not see it as cute or fun like the fans do

his immaturity outside of his work and interests, technically top is like 33 but acts like a teenager still at times.

Referring back to insta, he did a lot of scare tactics and shock value posts like the pig anus posts where there was a time people needed to unfollow him. Sure sure sure SURE we can suffice with an explanation its him being himself, he trolls, its just his page and the whole background for why he does what he does but if we have to read far into it and pull up excuses then that means the majority may be right to some degree.

He's known to he a peculiar person if we're speaking in a negative light.

He never if rarely ever photographs with women on his social. There are photos of him and female fans together but it's not common. I know "wtf does this have to do with anything" well I think in an underlying sense this impacts how fans connect and relate to TOP. He seems to only have outward respect and admiration for men only. Much older wealthy higher up industry men he's close to. He posys Mark gortajhan like that's his boyfriend or brother LOL.

He has a way of keeping things private that would shed more light in making him relatable. I.E we get a lot of the artist mark gortjhan on his insta and his male friends but no family, no legit genuine friends that aren't higher up and not much we can relay his character as a person on from other types of people.

So yeah.

I love and truly do care for TOP, I'm sure I could make a list of what I love about him and what all people love but I can see why people may dislike him. It's never shocking to me but then again I am not mentally or emotionally sucked into the universe to see him the way others do and you as well. (Not stating you are sucked in anon but a majority may be).

I think his likeability and dislike is Subjectice and not one size fits all. If you look at it from a quick glance and broader view: yeah he's a pretty cool fun quirky guy and humble. But looking at it in a detail oriented perspective, he's kind of warranting the hate mostly off his own actions, behaviors and choices.

The idol world is tough and not for everyone. Many have experienced the struggles he have. While I sympathize with him and understood how much of an emotional toll it has all taken on him, I can't coddle top cause as someone who does not smoke (I have it once*) and does not rely on nor use these methods to cope with things, I really think that we can't use that as a pass. Life happens and it can be cruel cutting at us but always taking a healthy initiative will pan out better than a toxic one.

If TOP can invest and extend himself into such big projects for his interests and the such then he can stop and learn about therapy in other countries. Therapy, anonymous counseling, general counseling, actually taking therapeutic vacations alone or with few trusted love ones, take a legitimate break from it all, stay in a different country for a good while, etc.

Michael Jackson isn't a bad person but he had to deal with being touted as such until he died cause he was a bizarre person that wasn't shown humanity due to his poor mistakes.

You get where I'm going anon?

I can perfectly are why he is not likable especially in a new world that is 2020s where every one is on every one ass about everything.

Top should legitimately retire from the industry and monitor his Instagram better then live a quiet life if his mental health is through the tubes. He isn't as innocent as we would want to think he is.

Maybe I'm cold hearted but he isnt doing anything or giving me enough lately to remember why I like him in the first place. I have to revisit YouTube and watch the old clips to be reminded.

Very creative, zany, dorky, fun, deep and sexy / complex character with charm yet a troubled soul who needs to figure himself out by himself.

That's how I personally see him.

#t.o.p #bigbang