#they are. doing things to me today

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

i can confidently say i am a very good communicator but i literally shake like this when there is interpersonal conflict of any kind that i could even tangentially be involved in

#they are. doing things to me today #i am so so nice when i talk to people and so good at clearly telling people things in a kind and respectful way #but separately i become. So nervouspilled #people with blind confidence are so admirable to me #shant say what my job is online but suffice to say everyone is having a lot of feelings right now they would like to make my problem #also socializing. hard #personalvent.rar #a mild vent #buryspeaks.mp3 #NOT kidding i shake fr #its fiiiiine i am so normal :')

[iamanartichoke]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -

I am fine with "the audience" -

downloading my fics

printing my fics

copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics

sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3

making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss

doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc

I am not fine with "the audience"

doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity

feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever

Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.

Enjoy the fandom things.

#fanfic #ao3 #archive of our own #fandom things #tumblr things #i may have said this at some point #i'm sure i have #but whatever - just in case #i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics #but just if anyone is so inclined that's all #ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog #i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting #but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen #not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy #at least of fics bc i save everything #not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about #that i've made or done and only posted here #anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today #i have plans to stare into the void now

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[obikinetic]

Star Wars: The Sub Awakens

Aka, Anakin has a very ill-timed ~realization~

This is my contribution for Sub Anakin Fest [@anakinfest], which I actually didn’t sign up for but decided to butt in on anyway! As such, this doesn’t correspond to any prompts :)

#subanakinfest #star wars #obikin #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #sw fanart #fanart #art #please please tell me if I went about this the wrong way because I have no idea what I’m doing #it’s a very good thing the deadline kept being pushed back because I literally just finished this today 💀 #I am HORRIBLE #anyway I’m glad I got it done because I really wanted to participate #ik this is barely subby but it was fun to me at least!

[aerequets]

trying to erase the trace of...

#GIVE ME TOUCH STARVED YEARNING BUT WITHOUT TOUCH #dia try to coherently explain your thoughts challenge go #Listen #theres something extra Oomph about characters being touch starved BUT FROM A DISTANCE okay #i read a fic called 'with kid gloves' where yor forgot her gloves and loid HAD IT IN HIS POCKET and he TWINED HIS FINGERS THROUGH #AND HE FELT THE WARMTH FROM THE GLOVES AND THE ROUNDEDNESS IN THE FINGERS THAT HER HANDS LEFT #AND HE CARESSED IT WITH HIS HANDS #OKAY #TODAY I READ A WEBTOON WHERE THE GUY WAS SAT AT A DISTANCE AND THE GIRL WAS SLEEPING AND HE LIFTED HIS HAND #AND HE DIDNT TOUCH HER BUT TRACED THE OUTLINE OF HER CHEEK IN THE AIR #OK #DO YOU GET IT #LIKE KAZ BREKKER AND INEJ OK #( me always going back to soc and kanej) #HE THOUGHT OF RUBBING HIS THUMB OVER THE PLAITS OF HER BRAID AND WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE #GIVE ME THINGS LIKE THESE TOUCHLESS YEARNING TOUCH-STARVED FROM A DISTANCE #spy x family #twiyor #loid forger #yor forger #my art #sxf #loidyor #loiyor

[jomeimei421]

Felt a bit nostalgic watching RT shut down…Here are the og faves again for old times sake 💙

#rvb #agent washington #agent Carolina #lavernius tucker #michael j caboose #epsilon #my art rvb #ahhh a lot of feelings…of course I stepped away from rt as a company a long time ago #but RvB is special to me!! it was my first fandom experience ever #and the community here on tumblr specifically was so instrumental to me growing up #I really could not have asked for a better community of artists and writers to grow up in. I know it sounds like platitudes when I say #that everyone was super nice and talented but REALLY. People were so kind to me and somehow I became well known despite #my art and writing and me in general still being immature and hashtag cringe #I found my creative legs and #people would respond to my stuff with walls and walls of support in the tags and we would do exchanges and events every year #I made my first lyric comic and it’s still doing extremely well on YouTube even today!! my dad who passed away recently always loved it #and my favorite RvB writer came out of hibernation to write me a bunch of text wall asks about it #I’ve never had another fandom experience quite like RvB #I still keep in touch with many of my friends from that time period even though we’ve all moved on the other things #these guys will always always have a place in my heart #so long reds and blues….

[normalbirb]

Having adhd is like being stuck in rooms with no exits and then told by neurotypicals i should have just done like them and walked through a door

#im just a bit frustrated today #there were things i wanted to get done today but instead ive just been sitting in my chair waiting for my brain to allow me to do SOMETHING #like literally ive just been sitting #nothing else #stuck in my head trying to at least do smth i enjoy #like i wanna draw #but nooooooo my brain had to load for 2hours before i could do even that #adhd #neurodivergent

[bixels]

This Twitter MLP human redesign drama is a mess, leave me the fuck out of it.

#saw people posting my designs to put down other artists' designs saying that i'm the “correct way” of doing things #don't do that #i don't give a SHIT if people are redesigning these HORSES to be fat or “”“ugly”“” people they're all valid #this whole thing is so dumb just say “i don't like the art style” and move on #“hey op i spent 4 hours of time and effort to redraw your shitty redesign and show you how it's really done” you're fucking weird #you know that right? dedicating that much time to cash in on a hate trend when you could be creating something unique and original with lov #your insistence that human redesigns need to be attractive and symmetrical and anything deviating that is woke psy-op brainwashing #is fucking weird. saw an entire tweet reposting my designs listing off how i “got it right.” bullet point: “looks like real people” #the black fat pinkie design with braces that went viral looks more like a real person than any of my designs you asshole #or maybe you spent too much time in high school bullying people who look like that to notice #personal #delete later #do not use my art to belittle artists who've done nothing wrong this legit made me really angry today

[under-lok-n-ki]

tits out for Lunadeyis

#anyone else been in a constant state of art style crisis #the doodles turned out p good today tho I will say #idk why Gill has become so difficult for me to draw???? I used to easily produce the fish man what happened #also Liquidus Gilly debut #I still wanna do the clothing evolution thing but I will say my personal Liquidus designs are my favorite of the whole campaign #my art #my sketches #just roll with it #just roll with it podcast #just roll with it riptide #jrwi #jrwi podcast #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #jrwi chip james #jrwi chip bastard #jrwi jay #jrwi jay ferin #jrwi gillion #jrwi gillion tidestrider

[lazylittledragon]

blueberry cinnamon rolls with the recipe because people on the bird app wanted it <33

#ramble #baking #this is not tried and tested i just made it up today based on things i've made before #i was worried it wouldn't work but they're really good #they're not very pretty but they're delicious #i tried to separate out the text bc i know it's hard for Me to read it when it's all lumped together #i've never done a double rise before this (usually only once with the rolls in the pan) and it WORKS they're super fluffy #@ any pro bakers. am i doing ok #ratios are hard but i'm trying

[crabsnpersimmons]

exam 5 for me... tomorrow!

honestly have been feeling really nervous for this exam since my classmates have either failed it or just barely passed. and i had less time to study this time around because i rushed to book the exam.

so i drew this little encouragement early cuz i need the reminder that no matter what happens tomorrow, i did what i could and i didn't compromise on my boundaries—and that is its own victory.

and i hope that you'll be reminded to celebrate your own big and small victories too!

"You are nervous and that's okay! You did your best! You set boundaries! You took breaks! We're so proud of you, Starlight! Whatever happens, we'll always be here, cheering you on!"

#fnaf sun #fnaf eclipse #fnaf moon #fnaf dca #dca fandom #crab art #bright colours #traditional art #self-insert #my OC Esther #on a funnier note (gonna ramble) #i realized today that i could technically bring a sprite to drink in my exam #we're only allowed water in a clear drink container without any labels #so like... sprite is clear enough to work right? #and if they ask about the bubbles i'll just say it's sparking water #(i hate sparkling water but they don't need to know that) #but yeah might do that cuz i think the sugars will do me some good #3 hour exams are inhumane #anyways going to sleep now because i need sleep more than sugar #the worst thing that could happen is i fail and i have to pay another $115 to retake the exam and i receive the disappointment of my mom #i could buy a sun and moon plushie with that money #maybe even an eclipse plushie too #so the stakes are pretty high i think #if i pass i'll buy those plushies hehe #maybe just one for now because i still have more payments to make for my program #okay okay no more rambling going to sleep now

[skitskatdacat63]

DTS S6E1 "Money Talks" - Fernando Alonso & Lance Stroll

#thought i might as well gif these #only thing in that ep worth gifing..... #cant say im not disappointed #but ill take my chances where i cna get them again #but was literally fighting in the trenches making these #gifing shows is just infinitely worse than gifing race stuff #especially since yknow this just came out today so i had to figure out how to clip it #so if its a bit choppy thats why ah #i love how fernando is such a manlet that i kinda had to crop lance out bcs i wanted to focus on nando LOL #like its so odd bcs he really doesnt look that much shorter than lance on stage in the first two #but in the last two hes literally tiny???? literally two apples tall?????? #anywyas dont know if ill gif anymore of this show. it annoys me too much to watch anymore and i dont know if theres anymore of my guys #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #lance stroll #strollonso #we do a little bit of f1

[spearxwind]

>STATIC SNOW /// VIOLENT FLAME<

(couldn't decide on one version so you get all of them)

#you guys get a double post today yeehaw <3 #windyart #adriel #the hollowridge disaster #painting #technically??? #omgggg its another adri in the forest art <333 who would have predicted it #anyway tho im experimenting. trying to do things i dont usually do in art and see if it takes me somewhere neat. like here! #the vibe is meant to be like... him unwinding like a horrid little mirage while he advances through the deep snow. blending in with it all #baby wants A SNACK hes HUNGRY

[wardingshout]

Viridian trainers for day 5 of spesilverweek! they are my most beloved but Lance is a cursed character who is impossible to draw or portray in any way to me

#idk what's up with him but I have smth like 20 different scrapped things that contains these 3 #and yet I almost always finish my doodles of just Yellow and Silver.... sorry Lance #he's such a funny guy to me esp as part of this trio I'm sorry I always give up on you #anyway yeah no I'm so late bc I wasn't happy with this so I wanted to draw smth else but I was doing chwismas today and was too tired #so I stayed up late doing nothing... #I so badly wanted to shit on Green's dumb cape too (affectionate) #spesilverweek #pokespe #pokespe silver #my art #pokespe yellow #pokespe lance #I'm just gonna tag everyone like that I guess #anyway I feel like having a Viridian trainers prompt was a gift to my soul but I rly struggled I'm so sorry guys one day... #pokemon

[fortheloveofexy]

it's a pet peeve of mine when ppl frame Andrew as hating Aaron and being needlessly cruel to him... bc while yes, their relationship is fractured and strained, Andrew genuinely cares about his brother and wants the best for him, he just doesn't know how to show that in a normal way.

like he might not know how to express it in a healthy manner but Andrew LOVES Aaron, like he truly just wants Aaron to be healthy and safe. It's like, his whole Thing. Aaron is one of the most important people in his life. Andrew wants him around. He'd do anything to protect him.

I guarantee Andrew wants to be emotionally close to Aaron too, he just doesn't have the tools to do that and the thought of letting someone in terrifies him. He also has no concept of what a healthy sibling relationship looks like, so he has no frame of reference to work from.

#i love bickering twinyards as much as the next guy but sometimes ppl write andrew has if he thinks aaron is a waste of space #and that just isn't true #andrew values his brother #he wouldn't insist on keeping aaron close if he didn't #when ppl do this is just so obvious to me that they're using andrew as a mouthpiece for their own dislike of aaron #and like ok yeah you're entitled to not like a character i guess #but it's just so wildly out of character to me for andrew to treat aaron like shit for no reason beyond Being Cruel #like yeah andrew can be mean when he's feeling defensive or trying to make a point #and yeah he can treat people like shit if he's got a reason to justify it like Keeping People Safe #but he's not needlessly cruel to the people closest to him without cause #like neil says #everything andrew does #he does For A Reason #even neil isn't needlessly mean to aaron tbh #like he doesn't like aaron much at certain points but if he picks a fight with aaron it's never without cause #and he's genuinely happy for aaron when things work out with katelyn in the end #and he wants aaron to have a relationship with andrew as well! like it's important to neil that the twins have a healthy bond!! #anyway im getting off my soapbox now this is just something i was thinking about today a Lot #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court

[obsob]

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud!!

✷(print shop)✷

#mine #original #euheuhe hello..i hope everyone is having a good day #we are going on a bird boat thing on wednesday im very excited about it #what else.....me and my bf went on a walk on sunday and i saw damsel flies and shield bugs and a duck with 13 ducklings #i bought a jellycat sun bag which is now all i talk about #ive started reading assassins apprentice by robin hobb!!!! its so good!!!! #im so excited there are so many books in the series to read #i doubt i will like all of them but i will give them all a go #today i will stop and hve dinner n then walk the dog and then do exercise and have a bath #and then i will. play zelda #and then tomorrow i will do shop stuff and also help my mum buy a bench apparently #i need to buy snacks also. i hve a snack stash in my rooom bc of mental illness purposes and i am low.....need snacks #maybe i will do that tomorrow. brain schedule is full up for today sorry #also. unrelated. i have my period???? again????? ive already had it this month hello i dont need another im good im all done #my hormones r going ??OAGHGHGHUH #also i want like . cute bra. but like not a bra like just cloth thats like. tit shaped. a bralet? is that what that is? no idea #anyway. hve nice evening. or else. #i have a headache #OH ALSO. i need to legally chnage my name SKFSABJSBK #put that on th todo list #i cant rmemeber how 2 do it i think it was very straight forward n cost like. £10 or smth