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yourpsicodelicbitch · 10 months

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astro thoughts 🏇🌈✨💫🍳

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH ❤️ even though it’s almost July

disclaimer: I didn’t check my orthography

i hate it but what’s trying to tell me the universe. my friend reminds me of my mom 😭 kill me pls. she have sun 11H, she worries a lot about how others understand what she saids, what others may think of her. she wants to be peaceful but at the same time she have moon in scorpio so she’s struggling and she have a certain opinion about others based on the first impression or what made more impact -negative? idk. now I feel judge -I think it’s my anxiety-. Update: i said what was bothering me to her and everything is said, I’m proud of me, I’m in peace, she responded in a understanding manner. I can breath.

the degree of your ascendant says ALOT, not only about the physical appearance. it could point out even your career, how’s focused your life, how you react…now that I think about it, it’s like an ascendant in your ascendant pc (but if it confused you ignore it).

for example, my friend have gemini degree in his ascendant, he’s doing his major in communication, his family is full of artists and specially musicians, so he grew up knowing how to play every music instrument, it’s like breathing to him, music. he’s used to it and he express himself by composing and being curious, wanting to know about this and that. other example: my other friend has a gemini rising but I was thinking “there’s something that’s missing” 👀 the leo degree of course. he be slayyiing💅 he’s sassy. he knows what he wants and people always be wanting him not the other way around 🙄 he’s like purr stunning gurl 💋

the same friend told me the other day that his first impression of me was or exactly what he thought: “you don’t want to mess with her” “I wouldn’t mess with her ever”. he told me I remembered him of maddy of euphoria -I gave him the idea bc I didn’t understand and he agreed-. Ascendant - Saturn aspects make you look like a bad bitch, like they’ll kick your ass if you don’t do what they tell you, THEY ARE. The structure of their face is also bony. They look like they’re mad, like they’re on their way and if you step there you’re dead: karmic. The jawline, omg, is sharp, it could cut you.

Picture 1 Picture 2 Picture3

Also, bc Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, Capricorn ascendants and saturn-ascendant aspects share characteristics but are not the same? Capricorn risings have this cheekbones that are so sensual and even if they age, the cheekbones are still there, what you notice first is that. What they share is the intimidating aura strangers perceive. In different levels or forms I believe.

Dakota Johnson Gisele Bündchen

TWO QUEENS THAT I CANT FINISH TO DESCRIBE HOW THEIRE SO ETHEREAL BEAUTIFUL STUNNING ICONIC AND INFINITE THINGS MORE

I have Mars in Retrograde. I don’t know what bothers me until I explode or until I go to my psychologist. I minimize what bothers me and save it all in the back, so then my brain will hurt. I don’t figure out or notice when something bothers me bc I don’t think is a big deal or that’s a joke, but even if it’s a joke I can still not like it -a side note-. You’ll find me realizing later what was bothering me and then struggling to tell people how I really felt when they did THAT something.

Picture from Pinterest

when the kid’s mercury is sextile Saturn’s dad (synastry: mercury sextile saturn), it means the dad communicates with their child as a way of teaching, caring about them. through their communication, they share childhood stories, experiences of any type and what they have learned about them, what they have observed. trough their talking they share their wisdom. the father have all the attention of their kid when he opens his mouth. the kid somehow knows something important is about to be said or they admires their dad that much.

Picture from Pinterest

Leo moons 5H + aries degree can be pretty egoist, they could lost themselves in the idea of something, of having it. Also they don’t think, twice letting themselves be carried by the emotion that idea gives them. They’re in their pretty little world of fun but they are not looking what’s happening to others, they’re hungry for their passion. I HAVE TO TELL: not everyone with these placements are like this and blablabla -the same thing I say for precaution- AND I had something, it’s not even something 🙄 I had nothing with these placement k? but it gives you an explanation for my attitude. STILL, I think I gotta mention some of the synastry so it’ll make sense. In another time bc I don’t want to waste my energy in that -and don’t want to-.

Saturn in opposition with Uranus aspect makes the individual stay in the doubt. They’re stanched while they keep analyzing the pro and cons of the situation they want to start/be part. Even if someone extern try to help, they’ll be doubting more.

Virgo moons are just so wholesome ☹️❤️ They want to help. they’re always doing something. they want the best for you. they care of others as if they take care of themselves but better, sadly. they work too much they need a rest but they know they’ll be anxious of doing nothing. they’re just pure souls. they’re so kind. always helping in a ONG/organization that helps needed ones.

Aquarius mercury always have something to say, they’re always right 🙄 even though they say it’s comprensible and natural that everyone have their own beliefs I don’t believe them. I think they think their mindset is better and everyone should follow it. LIKE GURL WTF I know you think you are wise and shit and you’ve passed through experiences that made you learned and that inspired you to tell them to others BUT let others make mistakes and be wrong, let others don’t be like you, there’s the beauty. I always find them criticizing others for their manners, as if they have lived the same way you did.

I don’t believe/trust? in libras, yeah ok may be that my sun is in libra but not my whole chart. That’s what I’m talking about, with that last sentence I’m gaslighting you 💌 how tf you believe in libras when they don’t tell the truth directly I CANT. With my honesty I gotta mention that my libra sun appear when I don’t want to ruin something that benefits me, when I don’t know the person and I try my best, to my sag/scorpio/aquarius placements to not appear. They always keep something in their minds, they don’t tell you all, they keep to themselves some part, could be to not hurt you, doesn’t benefits them or whatever. a friend with moon in libra degree and another with libra moon: I always want them to say what they want, they can’t. I want to squish the hell out of them bc I can’t too😭🔪

Ceres 3H is a good placement for a psychologist. How they motivate others using their minds, that easily absorbs and process/analyses experiences and knowledge, to finally find a solution depending on the case -of the patient-, so it’ll be suitable. When they help others, their communication keeps improving with time. More experience = better. Still, it’s natural.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

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thwip--thwip · 6 months

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dick or treat

itsy🕷️bitsy: DICK or TREAT! 🍬 It's October 31st.... 🎃🎃🎃 U know what that means?? YOU GUESSED IT! 👻👻 Happy SLUT-O-WEEN.💦💦 The last day of COCKtober… 💦😫😭😭 don’t be a bore 😴 ….so make sure you DRESS 👠 like a TOTAL 💅🏻 WHORE! 🤸😈🥵 send to ♋️ HALLOWEEN HOES 👯♀️ before MIDNIGHT 🌚 CUMS or you’ll be CURSED 🌀😱 with a NO 🚫 NUT 🥜 NOVEMBER 😩😩👻

itsy🕷️bitsy: I AM SO SORRY

***

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

It takes Peter nine full seconds to realize he made an earth-shattering mistake.

The thing is, he’s a horrible victim of circumstance, not that it will make any difference to the cruel, capricious universe. He just wasn’t paying attention. Peter was brushing his teeth with one hand, copied the message from Ned with his other, and mis-clicked. ‘MJ😳❤️’ is right above ‘Mr. Stark💡’, and he was so focused on not sending it to ‘May🌷’ that he didn’t realize what his fat thumb had done.

“NO!” His gasp is agonizing and garbled around the toothpaste he’s spitting everywhere as he frantically taps at his phone, trying desperately to unsend the message. He’s panicking, and that’s not good because the app freezes and force closes, and every second counts here because you can only unsend before two minutes are up—the tick of the clock has never sounded louder, oh for the love of—

By the time Peter gets the text message open again, the worst copypasta in the world blazing at him with all of those horrible emojis, the little gray text in the corner already reads Read 8:32AM.

He’s so screwed.

***

“You WHAT?!”

Ned’s yell is loud enough that the entire homeroom turns to look at them, and Peter thumps his head down on the history textbook in front of him. Mr. Harrington doesn’t really care what they do during the morning announcements, but even he looks perturbed by Ned’s shout.

And now Ned’s hyperventilating, which isn’t really helping Peter feel better about the situation.

“You wished Iron Man a happy slutoween.” Ned hisses, and they’re really lucky there’s a Latin test today, or Connor and Alexandra sitting next to them in the back of the room would be paying more attention instead of cramming last-minute flashcards. “Did he say anything?”

“No,” Peter sinks down further in his chair, wondering if Mr. Harrington would even care if he went boneless. If he melted into the floor and just never got up. “But he read it. I’m toast, dude.”

“Oh yeah,” Ned agrees unhelpfully and far too quickly, nodding like a bobblehead. “Do you think Captain America will come to your funeral?”

Braining himself with his history book is looking more appealing by the minute.

***

“Maybe you can pretend someone stole your phone,” Ned offers, as he has been all morning, coming up with less and less plausible excuses. Peter sighs, leaning over their woodshop project, measuring out the piece of wood they were about to cut. “Or you could say you fell on it and the suggested autofill feature wrote it.”

“On what planet could autofill have done that?” Peter looks up at his friend incredulously, and Ned shrugs.

“Through God, all things are possible.” Peter’s expression gets even more bewildered, and Ned throws up his hands. “I don’t know, my lola says it a lot!”

“I think God has abandoned me,” Peter says, mournfully staring into the abyss.

***

It’s 1:46PM when Peter gets a response.

He knows because the vibration almost gives him a heart attack, as it has all day - he turned off all notifications for everything, and the only text he’s gotten all day was from May, about movie tickets for Sunday—but he pulls out his phone like it’s going to bite him, anxiety thrumming like a physical pulse under his skin.

Mr. Stark💡: Joe’s Pizza, 3:30.

“Oh God,” Peter’s sweating, he can feel it rushing over him, making him clammy. He doesn’t have a specific scenario in mind for what’s going to happen in 104 minutes and counting, but every cell in his body is yelling BAD. “Oh my God.”

“What?” MJ asks, appearing over his shoulder out of nowhere like she’s so prone doing, and she sees the text messages before he can do anything. “Oh my God, Peter.”

“I know,” Peter starts, feeling numb, but MJ is laughing, maybe harder than he’s ever seen her laugh, full tears welling in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.

“How does this shit always,” MJ can’t get through her sentence without wheezing, still fighting through the tears. “happen to you? You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.” Peter’s hands fly into his hair, pulling at it in distress. “That’s the problem!”

***

Tony’s waiting on the roof when Peter flips up onto it, which is already weird. Mr. Stark is never on time to anything, let alone early.

“Mr. Stark, I am so sorry.” Peter starts in immediately, words coming out in a nervous rush. “It was an accident I swear—”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. reads my text messages out loud, kid.” Tony cuts to the chase, eyes are indecipherable behind his sunglasses, and his words stop Peter cold in his tracks.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes, spiderling,” Tony raises an eyebrow, thumb hooked in his suit pocket. “Want to take a guess where I was?”

He feels like he might faint. Why couldn’t a sinkhole just open and swallow him already?

“A national security meeting.” Tony shakes his head, as if that isn’t supposed to make Peter flip out. “Congrats, kid. You definitely passed on your message to…what was it, sixty-nine ‘Halloween Hoes’? Including the Vice President of the United States of America, naturally.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. doesn’t screen them for importance?” Peter asks desperately, and Tony huffs out a breath.

“She has an algorithm to detect unusual patterns in personal messages. You know, in case it isn’t you texting?” Peter covers his face with his hands, and Tony snorts quietly. “This one was bizarre enough, it triggered her protocol.”

“If I throw myself off this roof, do you think I’d die?”

“Bold of you to assume I’m going to let you get off the hook that easily.” Tony claps a hand on Peter’s shoulder, warm through the breathable fabric of the suit. “FRI reads the emojis out loud too, you know. Longest sixty-three seconds of my life. I thought I’d seen it all, Pete, but you’ve proven me wrong once again. How the hell did you even come up with that monstrosity?”

“It’s just a thing,” Peter chokes out, and honestly he might actually pass out, the way the blood has rushed to his face. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be another color other than scarlet. “Every Halloween it just—goes around.”

“Slutoween, you mean,” Tony corrects, and Peter would really rather never hear that out of his mouth again. “I already knew you were bisexual, by the way, you have that pin on your backpack and Spidey swung at pride.”

“What?!” Peter shouts, because that’s not where he was expecting this to go, and suddenly Tony is the one that looks a little nervous.

“Well - ‘dick or treat’ kind of seems like a hint, if you know what I mean.” Tony spreads his hands helplessly. “Do we need to have the Talk?”

“What? No.” Peter waves him off frantically. “No, no, no. No. I am good. So good. Beyond good.”

Tony snickers, but at least he doesn’t look mad, and Peter will take his blessings where he can get them. He rubs a hand over his face, looking up at his mentor sheepishly. “…what are the odds we can forget this ever happened and never mention it again?”

“Nope. Not possible,” Tony shakes his head, clapping Peter companionably on the back once again. “You gave me the material of the century kid, and you managed to terrorize me while doing it. This will be paid back in full.”

“Through God, all things are possible.” Peter counters.

Tony laughs.

#marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker #tony stark #iron man #irondad #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #spiderson #irondad and spiderson

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ishoulddefbedoingotherthings · 8 months

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Hi everyone! I’d like to share my Captainswan fanfic with you all!

Warning: mega super angst as many of my readers have told me, but there is comfort at the end I SWEAR

Trigger warnings include: implications of and attempted suicide, depression, (there is a final warning, but it is foreshadowed early on and if it’s not your cup of tea, feel free to stop reading ❤️)

Other tags: angst, time travel, domestic Captainswan, Killian is a whump circus, hurt no comfort, but there is eventual reconciliation

Summary:

Emma and Hook’s adventure into the past took a different turn than either of them could’ve predicted, and a small overnight trip turned into two and a half years of bliss.

But now they’re back.

And things have changed.

And he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to survive it.

On Ao3

Chapter 1:

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It was… well it was never supposed to be like this.

Their relationship wasn’t supposed to be summed up in fleeting glances and the occasional brush of hands when they didn’t know the other was there. Their relationship wasn’t supposed to be something that made his hand twitch every time he thought about it, reaching for something he was too far away from.

Their relationship wasn’t supposed to disappear.

They promised each other that their relationship wouldn’t disappear.

But he guesses it was some cruel trick of the universe that happy endings would always be ripped from them suddenly. And quickly, and harshly.

And cruelly.

They were self-destructive, would always be self-destructive. And there were times when that option of a sweet release felt like it would be leagues better than the cold, heavy chains pulling him further into the water that stubbornly wouldn’t let him drown, no matter how deep he got.

That sweet release would spare him from the endless torment that swirled and pulsed every time he met her eyes over a hoard of people only for her to avert her eyes to something that must’ve been more interesting than him. Something less painful, if he was even painful for her. Truth be told, he didn’t know.

He wanted to believe that he left an impression on her. A sick, twisted part of him hoped that it hurt her, that is was agonizing for her as much as it was him, but the smile that seemed too convincing to be a mask deterred that thought as quickly as a wave pulling back from the shore.

Hate for her festered like a sore every time he saw that smile; every time she looked somewhat happy when he was left stranded on a desolate plain with nothing and nobody except the mere memory of that smile directed at him. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to embrace that hate. He couldn’t bring himself to pull her outside from the safe confines of her family and shout and plead and beg and yell just to get her to look at him longer than a fraction of a second in order to force her to understand the torture that he felt. The torture she didn’t seem to feel.

His hands tightened around the grip of the weapon, thumb absent-mindedly rotating the cylinder, the clicking that accompanies it a constant sound in his brain. Almost calming.

The chair was hard beneath him, the ship rocking with the light waves and the sun was streaming in and dappling his profile like it used to do to hers. It was a lovely day, a beautiful day in fact, and he couldn’t help but think how nice it would be to die on a day like today, a day that reminded him so much of the others.

He gave the cylinder one last flick, letting it spin for a second or two before stopping it and clicking it back into place.

The wooden arm under his elbow was slightly softer than he remembered it being, a bit more comfortable. Maybe it’s because over time he had dug a small divot, maybe it’s because he’s been in this position too many times before.

He rested it against his temple. These weapons were certainly convenient, perhaps a bit loud for his taste, but they did have a certain class, much more so than a water-bloated body with the bites of small fish. The volume might help in his favor. Maybe she would finally hear him, though right now she wasn’t keen on listening.

When he swallowed it was thick, maybe with nerves, he didn’t know, maybe with peace. Whatever it was, he hoped it would be his last.

He shut his eyes softly, images of her playing behind his eyes, images of them. He could hear their laughs, could see their smiles, for once directed at him, and he smiled back with his eyes burning under the lids.

Warm air with the smell of the sea filled his lungs, the metal a cold bite against his temple, the trigger light under his finger.

His body was calm, his mind was clear, his heart was broken, and the weapon was obedient.

Click.

Until it wasn’t.

He growled in frustration, throwing the gun across the room with a bang softer than the previous it and cursed the Gods for his rotten luck. If he knew that his mantra of being a survivor would continuously throw itself back at him, he would’ve bragged about being a dead man.

One day his stupid gamble would play out in his favor, but the world just seems to have a funny sense of humor; pulling death away at the one time he truly wanted it. The time he needed it despite whatever torment would wait for him in the house of Hades. It would feel better than this.

With a frustrated growl he knocked the bottom or liquor off his desk, dropping his face into his hand at the glass shattered just like his soul, rum trickling into the floorboards that should’ve been stained with his blood.

He would try again. Maybe in a week. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in the next hour. Whenever the next time he felt the crushing weight of his demons on his shoulders like the sky Atlas was forced to hold for eternity.

Maybe in the next minute.

Maybe in the next second.

#captainswan fanart #captainswan fanfic #emma swan #ao3 fanfic #killian jones #once upon a time #ouat #It’s like super angsty so I’m told #I know for a fact that you people like it when these guys are suffering don’t even lie #And so do I #As long as they make up #Hope you like it if you choose to read!

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vacantgodling · 2 months

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🖋️,❤️, and😭 !! Don't have a specific wip in mind, so you get to decide !!

thank youuuuu 🥺💛 i can talk about the liminal space series for these lol :3

🖋️"what inspired you to write your WIPs?"

donut wip was inspired by my frustration at not being able to finish a story, and i thought if i just plotted out an easy, straight to the point, horror novel (cuz whoops donut wip is straight horror p much) that i’d be able to finish it. i wrote like 15 chapters in 2 weeks and then burned myself out when i started a new job in 2021 BUT as i was thinking about it, more and more could i see it fitting into the universe that already existed in jenna the reaper. but… there was no bridge from point a (college horror) to point b (high school supernatural horror literally across the country)

this is where the inspo for noi, alone came in. i’d had noi as a character in some form, for about as many years as i’ve had jenna but i never knew what to DO with them. but it seemed so perfect to make them the bridge between juls and jenna’s stories, even if they must also go through the horrors 😔 them having a demon entity thing in their eye was always a thing so that makes the transition even better (well, worse for them but better for plot)

and then jenna… tbh i never “had” inspiration for jenna. i was literally chilling at my ex’s house in hs when all of a sudden jenna just knocked on the door of my brain like “hey yeah i’m here now.” with all her plot already figured out LMAO. 💀💀 so in case you were wondering she’s always been like this. all i’ve really done is just tweak it and fit it better into the world with the other two wips, and add stuff on etc etc.

mason at the airport sort of came about from me wanting to take a slightly different direction with liminal spaces, like explore different kinds?? so mason’s story, while it’s in the universe it is Slightly different than the rest of them just cuz i wanted to try something new and LESS horrific lmao

❤️"what are your favorite scenes from your WIPs?"

donut wip (gasp that i’m actually willing to talk about Some spoilers lol):

the donut sharing scene is the most important scene To Me

the elevator flashback that talks about juls’s past & trauma around elevators

when juls and joaquin kiss (even tho the poly is alive and well in my head, this relationship is kind of the only one that gets enough time but it’s something i wanna change when i try to write draft 2)

also a particular scene involving news anchors that i don’t wanna spoil but i LOVE it

noi, alone:

tbh i haven’t plotted this one out that well but when noi meets seph is gonna be soooooo funny bc they’re lowkey attracted to him Immediately and lilly loves making fun of them about it. secondly, when the three of them break into the dorm i want it to be kind of messy

jenna the reaper / jenna the witch king:

the scene where noi reveals their demon

the scene with vega that is sad……. ough……

the scene where jenna tells carlos about frankenstein, i actually have that written out lol

the scene where jenna and yehna merge is gonna be OOF

mason at the airport:

i also don’t have much planned yet but i’m excited to write the beginning when mason realizes that there’s something Wrong with the airport and that he’s Alone (or is he)

😭"what are the biggest challenges writing your WIPs?"

honestly for all of these wips it’s just attention span. i enjoy all these stories but sitting down and writing them since 2021 and i burned myself out on donut wip has been a challenge. i’m hoping i can come back around to wanting to write them, but it’s probably gonna be a Long while (cuz i’m projecting in terms of original projects, i’ll write paramour then vampires don’t take road trips and then perhaps after i’ll come back to these)

#s: donut wip #s: jenna the reaper #s: noi alone #s: jenna the witch king #s: mason at the airport #ask games 2024

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dcbicki · 2 years

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Hi! I’ll be honest I watch almost all tv while playing games on my little phone bc my brain is rotted 😌

So I missed the Romeo imagery! Would you mind going into it more, it sounds so interesting. If you don’t want to that’s fine but pls know that I love your blog 🤍

Understandable, anon. There’s nothing wrong with a little brainrot. And ty! ❤️

First off, I wrote a whole essay on how Season 3 played with the Romeo & Juliet archetype and how it applies to Mike & El shortly after the season dropped – as satire, mind. It was never intended to be taken seriously; was just food for thought because my brain was salivating over the parallels.

Textually, we’re presented with Dustin saying the thing – “it’s all a bit Shakespearean. Like Romeo and Juliet. Star-crossed lovers” – just as Mike and El slip out of frame. And when they reappear in the next shot, a wide shot to emphasize the creation of distance, they’re alone, now separate from the others. On-screen, they’re physically isolated. The plan is to run off and spend quality time together, regardless of their friends’ feelings on the matter.

Subtextually, this isolation is more emotional than literal. Really, what they’ve done is put distance between their loved-ones and their love for one another; the two things don’t yet coexist. They’ve not mastered the art of juggling romance with friendship. These types of relationships are of equal importance, but they’re fourteen and in love for the first time ever – expecting hormonal teenagers, when one of them is far from your typical girl next door and doesn’t have a clean grasp of social norms to begin with, to manage their free time so well feels a little unreasonable.

So we let them off the hook, for a time, the way we don’t let Romeo and Juliet off. The play is, I guess depending on how you interpret it, written as a satire about the foolhardiness of young love. ‘Stranger Things’ isn’t that. Mike and El’s relationship isn’t that. They’re not a cautionary tale. The words ‘star-crossed’ spoken on screen as they seemingly choose one another over everybody else is, if anything, ironic. It's not a surefire sign that they’re doomed — I peg that belief down to how loosely the term is thrown about because it’s so overused in media.

‘Star-crossed’ has many meanings, but in their case specifically it refers to the fact they weren’t fated to meet. It wasn’t the universe’s plan – For a show called “Stranger Things” it only seems appropriate the core romance exists by mere chance. A happy accident. Mike says as much in Season 4: “It’s not fate. It’s not destiny. It’s just simple dumb luck.” Keep in mind, this is the same Mike who starts the series as an idealist, an optimist. Mike, who’s lovestruck and supposedly falls for a girl upon seeing her. Sound like anybody familiar? Mike is a classic romantic character – avid book readers, you get what I’m saying – and who is more romantic than the Montague boy who gets a whole archetype named after him? Only the difference between the two is that Mike is afforded the privilege of growing up, and maturing – something his counterpart never experiences.

At surface level, Mike is easy to get: he’s nice, and he’s protective over his friends, but he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes. In truth, he’s a lot more complex than that, which might explain why so many people seem to have trouble understanding or sympathizing with him now that he’s come more into his own. Mike fills a stereotypically feminine role within the story, supporting the (traditionally male) hero, while also serving as the love interest for the female protagonist within her coming-of-age story. He has to be the nurturing, caregiver to the hero and be her suitor. That’s… an anomaly, especially when the character is written so young. But Mike is aware of both of these roles: he’s been there for El since the start, and never hesitates to be her support system when she needs it. His struggle, however, has always been living up to the romantic standards that he sets for himself. He’s never quite sure how to express his feelings because, really, there’s no precedent, no roadmap on how to love a supernaturally-gifted neurodivergent abuse survivor. He’s in the dark. He has no male role model to look up to for guidance. Throw in insecurities and feelings of unworthiness, no doubt fueled by the fact that the person he wants more than anything is super-worthy, and suddenly it’s lights-out when it comes to Mike giving a long-winded declaration of love until… Cue the stoner and the pizza oven.

We’re in a moment of crisis, it’s looking like the world’s about to end, but then… suddenly… there it is… a glimmer of hope… just behind Mike, in the greasy, warmly-lit back kitchen of a pizza chain restaurant in the middle of mumblefuck Nevada… a Montague pizza oven. Does the name ring a bell?

Now here’s the thing: I wrote that essay in 2019 as a joke, mostly for myself because I found it funny and it didn’t matter if anybody else even read it. But then we get to the Season 4 finale, and Argyle says, “Surf’s up, Romeo” just as Mike’s about to say something no-doubt both corny and perfect-to-El’s-ears, and I – who have been on this hill for like four years now – yell at the screen, “You motherfucker!” So I grin and I shake my head, but I let it go because we’ve got bigger shit to worry about – the salt bath is ready, after all. And then the episode continues, and our boy finally gives his whole spiel in a blur of flickering lights and banging score, and I move on. The episode ends and we wait for Season 5.

Until one day, I get a little too bored and I analyse the hell out of every frame in that particular scene, and I’m not too proud to say I let out a shriek when I see it. Mike’s giving this impassioned monologue about how much he loves El, meanwhile the literary character he’s essentially emulating is behind him the whole time; in last name only, sure, but it’s there, and that can’t be a coincidence. If it is, that is a strange fucking thing indeed.

From that point on, I can’t unsee it, so naturally I tweet about it, and reddit gets wind of it, and then the people – you know the ones – who won’t let two characters so much as blink without taking it out of context get a hold of it, and suddenly it’s like I’ve taken Mike & El out to the back of the barn to be shot dead between the eyes. Because, uh, apparently having the name of perhaps the most infamous fictional lover of all time in frame during a declaration of love, shortly after the person uttering said declaration has just been teasingly nicknamed it, is supposed to be a bad thing?

It’s almost like the people who took this out of context didn’t understand that Mike and El’s relationship isn’t a clear copy-paste of the star-crossed archetype – if they ever even picked up on it in the first place — I guarantee they didn’t. There’s no doom and gloom. There’s no (lasting) death trope. There’s the defiance of stars because they quite literally stumbled on each other in the woods and they have to work at romance, at conquering roadblocks and meddling fathers (which is a whole other thing I could get into) and the universe seems to want to keep them apart.

But the thing is, we know what they’ve been through. We’re supposed to understand their plight because we’ve had four seasons of it now; you’re either on board at this point or not. You know that their trauma precedes whatever selfishness they may display – in past seasons and going forward – because you’ve witness it firsthand. They grow as individuals and as a pair because of their choices, unlike Romeo and Juliet whose death is the consequence of poor decision-making.

Mike isn’t compared to Romeo, in dialogue or even subtextually, because he’s a lovestruck idiot who lets his feelings guide him. He’s hopelessly in love and starts off as a doe-eyed idealist, sure, but he now has the maturity and self-awareness of someone who’s been given the time to think about what love truly means and how to make room for it — to not let it become all-consuming.

He might believe in love at first sight, but he’s under no illusions that the love he has for El was anything but a choice he made. He chose to help her, just as he chooses to continuously love her despite everything telling him not to, despite everything standing in their way. Suggesting their meeting was simply dumb luck and not destiny at work implies the added belief that things happen outside of their control and still… he chose to take her home that night. Fuck fate.

That’s the Romeo thing.

#mileven #stranger things #mike wheeler #mike x eleven #anon #answered #think i'm the one with brainrot - let's just blame the caffeine consumption and move on #long post

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taibobo · 1 year

Text

brain damaged postal dude mental illness lore hcs no one asked for and also self ship stuff

he has some kind of dissociative identity disorder, whether it’s DID or OSDD or how many alters he may have is entirely unclear and his levels of amnesia vary wildly depending on his mental state/what his alters were doing/why they fronted

the only alter he’s had contact with/actually recognizes the existence of is alter dude/the other dude (he calls him the other dude, but the alter self identifies as alter dude)

alter dude is pretty self aware of the reason why he exists and holds some significant level of childhood trauma related to postal dude’s father (who in this universe/my hc is the postal 1 postal dude or someone similar. an extremely mentally unstable paranoid man who may have involuntarily taken his delusions out on his kid. american health care is not good) this is why alter dude has the voice of rick hunter

postal dude is fairly pacifist and doesn’t kill people often, while alter dude kills people with only some modicum of discretion, usually when they’re keeping him from or antagonizing him while getting things done. postal dude is somewhat aware of this but has stopped letting it affect him because it doesn’t seem to matter

my s/i (i’m just gonna use first person from here on out lol) was informed at the beginning of the relationship that postal dude has at least one recognizable alter and was just like “oh. okay cool (is also mentally ill)” cause idgaf clearly

i am dating postal dude formally and dating alter dude informally. neither of them care because they consider themselves two parts of a whole and not really separate people. even if they did consider themselves separate identities they are not really the monogamous exclusive type so

alter dude is the less touchy/affectionate of the two, but makes up with it in a lot of false bravado and corny embarrassing dom flirting (he doesn’t know what he’s doing. he doesn’t exactly front during sex or dates and his memories of those aren’t shared mostly so he’s basically a hapless virgin)

postal dude is more physical in terms of his love language, but speaks much more casually and frankly as if i am like his best friend who he makes out with and says he loves. very good chill vibes

sometimes they get mad at each other because they basically operate like roommates who never see each other in terms of living. postal dude complaining about alter dude not washing the dishes or eating his food when he knows he’s been out, alter dude annoyed that postal dude doesn’t do his specific strange neurodivergent rituals, etc. they don’t actually hate each other though they just like to squabble

though dude’s head trauma didn’t give him his dissociative disorder or exacerbate it or anything it probably gave him some sort of physical symptom like chronic migraines or nerve damage. as someone who also has both of these i love projecting ❤️ and also it would make me a good nurse for him ❤️

i call alter dude A.D but he doesn’t like when anyone else calls him that. he just prefers being called dude by everyone else as if he’s the same guy as postal dude because he finds drawing attention to himself causes him more problems (which makes him want to kill which triggers his stuff about his dad which makes him more violent etc etc. negative feedback loop. he’s gotten a little better at grounding himself though)

champ can tell the difference between the two and treats them differently. he’s basically their service dog but without any real formal training. he’s just a smart boy

#postai

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whirld-of-color · 1 year

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🗺️💕❤️

ask game

🗺️: how do you imagine the world works? (As in how do things come alive and what differences are their to our world)

if you put enough effort into your creation your creation comes alive and it’s something to do with the way the internet functions like it’s just some quantum physics coding nonsense woven into the fabric of computer science that you can exploit like mad. it’s like a game exploit but for the entire internet and then some bc it happens offline too. no one knows why it happens, it’s just some quirk of the way humans interact with digital art and the way computers display stuff that allows icons and shapes and sticks to come alive. like how no one knows why the universe is always expanding or what makes a bundle of neurons into a sentient brain, but this one is a hell of our own making <3

maybe it’s due to something with how humans are designed to create and breathe life into our art, and the simulated reality of a computer allows us to satisfy that desire to the extreme degree of literally breathing life into the art? i dunno!

💕: Otp?

ummmm. chosen and dark. something about them trying to kill each other really gets to me. fellas is it gay to murder each other, you know? those two are soulmates and that’s the hill im dying on. they are bound together by fate and they are not normal about it in the slightest

❤️: favorite character(s)? Why?

green!!! ngl it’s bc they’re great to draw i have their design down pat and because i love love love shading with pink, and green and pink are opposite colors that go excellent with each other, especially with the design I’ve given green which allows for colors that are bright as hell. also i can project my perfectionism onto them and give them the ability to trust and love and care despite it all, despite purple giving no reason, despite how they’ve been hurt before, despite it all they will trust.

yellow is a close second bc i think they look great insane

#animation vs minecraft #animator vs animation #alan becker #michael talks

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alwritey-aphrodite · 7 months

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hiiiii congrats on 900 followers ❤️💖✨

second we have the same title I absolutely love love love love love hits different it’s my fav song off midnights because it has the very smart evermore folklore speak now red style writing and it zooms in on specific moments and makes them feel so universal which I love and it’d an absolute banger

anyways congrats on 900 followers again and for the sleepover 🛳🛳🛳🛳🛳

I’m obviously a huuuge Swiftie for one, I love it when people title their fics with her songs cause then I’ll just scream the lyrics in the comments

I’m definitely a lululemon girly girl and I’m also very lazy and I procrastinate a lot and I’m also a Pisces so I’m kind of emotional I love doing my makeup hate doing my hair so it kinda just stays down all the time plus I’m delusional as fuuuuck

I should not be doing any sort of physical activity whatsoever I used to be that one scared of balls girl in elementary school I’ve been playing piano since first grade I love music before Taylor was my absolute queen sza was tbh I’m mostly a very rnb girly I love Beyoncé, rihanna, summer walker, Monica, The Weeknd, Mariah Carey, Muni Long, and Ciara

plus I overdose on sarcasm 90 percent of the time and i love watching trashy shows like the kardashians and I’m a huge Trixie Mattel STAN love Margot Robbie she’s my fav actress

Ahhhh yay Hits Different!! And thank you so much <3

I think you’d be perfect for Santiago Garcia! He’s also sarcastic as all hell 90% of the time, so having a similar sense of humor is essential to him, and even though he’d never admit it, he also loves trashy reality TV, they’re just the perfect way to turn off his brain and he loves cuddling up with you and talking over all the crazy drama. He’d love listening to you play piano, and even though he’s not quite a Swiftie, he definitely appreciates her music and knows most her songs - thanks to you. As someone who’s constantly moving, having a partner who knows how to relax and do nothing is essential for him, because god knows he’d never sit down if you weren’t there to tempt him with TV and cuddles and snacks. He’d definitely love watching you do your makeup, finding it mesmerizing how skillful you are and how quickly you can get through your routine despite your precision. Being so closed off, he needs someone with an emotional side to remind him it’s ok to share and show his feelings, regardless of if they’re good or bad. All in all, the two of you balance each other out perfectly.

#santiago pope garcia #santiago garcia x reader #santiago garcia x you

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izus-doll · 2 years

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Hi so I’m gonna slowly share my version of omegaverse I’ve been babbling about recently 👀 I only had enough brain cells to put my thoughts about alphas on paper . If my five followers want to stick around for when I write up the other dynamics feel free to send me your two cents on my headcannons in the meantime ❤️

Alpha Headcanons.

Social desirability is based on how strong some of their natural traits are. It’s verrrry shallow but hey alphas are never treated badly in this au so I shall bare the burden of attempting to fix this gap in the research 😎

A pup officially presents at 16 and will continue to smell “immature” to the grown adults till they’re 20.

Adults close to them will continue smelling their immature scent

up until now researchers argue whether this is a nature or nurture thing

Just like that I made creepy age gap relationships harder to exist in my universe because while it’s not illegal for a 18 and 28 year old to be in a relationship everybody around will perceive the older person as a creep.

Alpha voice is ranked in pitch and decibels and can be used in different professions. So for example if an alpha voice is particularly deep and ranks high in decibel the countries special services will rally to train and recruit that particular Alpha. A strong Alpha voice can range from placing the affected in a such a deep trancelike state they can fall into a coma to the affected not having any will of their own.

On the opposite side of the spectrum Alphas with weaker softer Alpha voices are more suited to childcare or healthcare as while their voices are on the weaker spectrum they can use their voices on children and the vulnerable in society without any lasting effects. The effects of a weak alpha voice can range from the affected temporarily pausing their actions to them giving the Alpha their undivided attention momentarily.

An alpha (and half the beta population but well get to them soon) will always have male genitalia that’s just how it is.

With that being said for the sake of the parents, a hormone level test is done on the newborn to see if they may develop either traditionally feminine bodily features or traditionally masculine features.

Feminine/Alpha women are a rarity but are very privileged (but they still at the bottom of society tho…. no upward mobility here) over Masculine Alphas as Omega tend to flock more towards them for a myriad of reasons : from they feel less defensive around them because they have a natural softness about them or they have are less likely to stink up a room with their scent or maybe they just fit the omega beauty standards better 🤷🏻‍♀️

An alpha’s mating mark will never take without an omega or in some cases a beta present.

its honestly more trouble than it’s worth in some cases because there’s a high chance of infection and other issues it if the bite is unwanted. As alphas bite was mainly used in primitive civilization to hunt and take down animals.

The only harmless bite an alpha can give is a paternal bite to their pups or pups they feel a close familial bond with.

Alphas are still seen as the protectors in this AU but what we’re not gonna to is applaud a fish for swimming 😒 that what they’re supposed to do, it’s ingrained into their dna

An alphas biggest pride is how happy their mate is and a solid bond with their pups. It is a huge flex for them if they are seen walking in public with a calm pup in a stroller. This means that their omega/beta has a deep trust with them and the pup inevitably does too if they aren’t constantly crying for their mother.

The cockiest Alpha is an unsupervised one with a happy pup.

The biggest social faux pas an Alpha can make is to be rude or unkind to an Omega that they don’t know. There is literally no excuse 😌

——————————————-

That’s all I have for now tbh ❤️

#a/b/o smut #the alphas in my au are not built to hurt uwu #bakugou imagine #abo au #omegaverse #deku x reader #bnha deku #dekuboo #Tsuki #Izu #oppress alphas #make alphas the bottom of society #☀️ babble #my omegaverse #bts aus #bts omegaverse

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bb-bambam · 4 years

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Slightly different AU from the last anon where 2012 jjp wake up in 2019 jjp's bodies. I have a lot of ideas for this one but I really want to see what you think!!💕

Jinyoung wakes up to the unfamiliar weight of an arm settled across his waist. He groans and attempts to figure out who the person lying next to him is, but his mind is still too cloudy with sleep for him to make any guesses. The person grumbles as Jinyoung shifts around and tightens their hold on Jinyoung’s waist, which sends a spike of adrenaline that overrides the sleepiness in Jinyoung’s brain.

“Let go of me!” he blurts out. “I don't even know who you are!”

At Jinyoung’s outburst, the person sits up abruptly, their hand flying off Jinyoung’s waist to brush their long hair away from their face. “Who –!”

Jinyoung barely registers the way the person suddenly breaks off, because he’s too busy gaping in disbelief. Sitting in front of him is someone who looks exactly like Jaebeom, if Jaebeom were older, broader, and had longer hair and facial piercings. “J-Jaebeom-hyung?” he manages to choke out.

“Jinyoung?” The fact that this person knows Jinyoung’s name somewhat confirms that he is in fact Jaebeom, but Jinyoung is far from comforted by that. “Why do you look so...different?”

“I look different?” Jinyoung asks, incredulous. “You have multiple piercings on your face!”

“What are you doing in my room?” Jaebeom continues, ignoring Jinyoung’s comment entirely.

For the first time, Jinyoung looks around apprehensively, only to find that the surroundings are completely unfamiliar. “I don’t think this is your room, hyung.”

Before Jaebeom can reply, a few soft meows drift through the room and a moment later, a cat that looks very much like Nora jumps onto the bed, followed by two smaller and entirely unfamiliar cats. “N-Nora?” Jaebeom asks, looking dumbstruck.

Jinyoung is equally baffled – Nora doesn’t live in the dorm with them, and where did these other cats come from? Even more bewilderingly, Jaebeom’s beloved pet walks right past her owner and climbs directly into Jinyoung’s lap instead, settling against his stomach and purring loudly. Jinyoung blinks down at her before meeting Jaebeom’s eyes, feeling a little scared now. “Hyung, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Jaebeom says slowly, staring at the two cats that are rubbing against his legs. Jinyoung watches him pick up one of the devices lying on the nightstand. “Maybe this can help?” He turns it on carefully. “Whoa,” he says, looking up at Jinyoung in shock. “My fingerprint unlocked it.”

For some reason, his face turns red as he looks back down at the phone. “What is it?” Jinyoung asks.

“N-nothing,” Jaebeom says, hurriedly angling the phone away, but Jinyoung catches a glimpse of what he was trying to hide anyway.

“Is that me?” he asks. With a defeated sigh, Jaebeom lets Jinyoung see the full picture. The wallpaper is indeed a photo of Jinyoung beaming up at the camera with three cats climbing all over him and two more in his arms, though he looks much older than the eighteen-year-old that Jinyoung currently is. “Why do I look so...”

“Hot,” Jaebeom mumbles, sounding a little agitated. He claps a hand over his mouth at the confused look Jinyoung sends him, apparently not having meant to say it out loud.

“I was going to say mature,” Jinyoung says as Jaebeom avoids his gaze. Had they been in a less alarming situation, Jinyoung would have seized this rare opportunity to tease Jaebeom – but right now, the last thing they need is for Jaebeom to lose his temper.

“Hang on,” Jaebeom says. Jinyoung watches him open the messages app and scroll through the most recent messages between the owner of the phone – obviously Jaebeom – and “Jinyoungie ❤️.” Jinyoung wonders in what universe the two of them could possibly be so comfortable with each other. “These all say 2020.” He takes a deep breath. “I think – somehow, we’re in the future.”

Jinyoung wants to tell him he’s losing his mind, but the facts are in front of them: they’re both in bodies that look like older versions of themselves, and Jaebeom is holding a way-too-advanced phone that contains messages filled with smiley faces and hearts between Jinyoung and Jaebeom that are clearly labelled with the year 2020. “Okay,” he says hesitantly, swallowing down his immediate reaction to panic. “So what do we do?”

“Uh,” Jaebeom says, and it’s just so strange because he’s fidgeting like the teenager Jinyoung knows, but it doesn’t fit the body of the twenty-six-year-old he’s currently inhabiting. “Let’s look around this place. The cats need to be fed anyway, they must have come in because they were hungry.”

Jinyoung carefully lifts Nora off his lap before following Jaebeom out of the room and into the hallway. “This definitely isn’t the dorm,” he says, looking around. “I guess we moved out, at some point.”

“Yeah,” Jaebeom says, staring at something behind Jinyoung in a daze, and Jinyoung turns to find two additional cats walking behind him. “Probably because there are five cats living with us. Apparently.”

Jinyoung goes to the living room while Jaebeom stops at the kitchen to feed the cats. One wall is entirely covered by a bookshelf full of books, albums, and pictures, and Jinyoung walks over to examine them. Looking at the pictures, Jinyoung finds that most of them are photos of combinations of him, Jaebeom, and five boys, some of whom he recognizes as trainees. But there are also some of the two of them with each other’s families, many of just the two of them, a few of just Jaebeom, and a lot more of just Jinyoung.

It’s incredibly weird, Jinyoung thinks. The man in the pictures looks just like him, but as he takes in the smiles, the affectionate touches, the intimate gazes, he feels like he’s looking into snapshots of someone else’s life, someone who has been to award shows and travelled the world, someone who has a special bond with these select six people.

Tearing his eyes away from a picture of Jaebeom’s arm around him as they smile at each other in a way that seems like it should have been kept private, he reads the spines of a few albums instead. “Who’s GOT7?” he asks aloud, reading the name that appears the most among the albums. He pulls one out at random, one called Eyes on You, and is startled to see himself, Jaebeom, and the same five boys from the pictures on the cover. “Hyung, you have to see this,” he says, unable to look away from their smiling faces.

Jaebeom joins him in front of the bookshelf a moment later, staring at the album he’s still holding. “Is that us?”

Jinyoung nods. “I think...I think we’re a group of seven now,” he says. “Not JJ Project, anymore.”

“Well, look at this,” Jaebeom says, pulling out another album, one called Verse 2. “This one is a JJ Project album.” His eyebrows furrow. “There’s only one, though. I guess GOT7 is our main group and we became a subunit?” He clears his throat, looking slightly embarrassed. “And...we live together.”

Jinyoung thinks about how they woke up in the same bed, how his picture is the wallpaper of future-Jaebeom’s phone, and how all the pictures on the bookshelf contain the two of them. He decides not to point out that all these things suggest that there’s a little more to their future relationship than just living together.

But it makes him feel a little more hopeful about returning back to the past, now that he’s gotten a glimpse of what the future has in store for him and Jaebeom.

(Bonus:

Jaebeom wakes up feeling more alone than he should be, considering that he almost always wakes up before Jinyoung because of the cats. A quick glance around tells him he isn’t in their bedroom, and this isn’t their bed. There is something familiar about his surroundings, but he can’t quite put his finger on it.

“Oh my god, Jaebeom!”

An incredibly loud yell has Jaebeom jumping up and running towards the sound of the voice immediately. “Jinyoungie? Where are you, what’s wrong?” Even in his rush, though, he realizes that he knows exactly where he is – he spent too many years of his life here to not know. “Uh oh,” he mutters to himself. He thinks he knows what he’s going to find in Jinyoung’s room.

Sure enough, an eighteen-year-old Jinyoung is staring at his reflection in horror. “Jaebeommie, tell me we haven’t woken up as ourselves during Bounce era.”

Jaebeom joins Jinyoung next to the mirror and sighs in resignation at the sight of his bright blonde hair. “I wish I could.”

Jinyoung groans. “I already lived through this once. I refuse to act hyper and cute all the time.”

“Good thing you don’t need to do any acting, then,” Jaebeom grins. He hugs Jinyoung from behind and rests his chin on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “You’re cute all on your own.”

“It’s so weird to see you being this friendly with me in that body,” Jinyoung says, though he leans into Jaebeom’s embrace readily. “At least this time around I know that eight years from now, you’re going to be totally whipped for me.”

“You say that like you’re not exactly the same way,” Jaebeom says, not bothering to protest because Jinyoung is right. “Hey, I wonder if the past versions of us are in the future now.”

“They’re in for a real shock if they are,” Jinyoung says, laughing a little.

Jaebeom laughs too, trying to imagine what his reaction would have been if he had been put in that situation at eighteen. “Little me will probably have an aneurysm when he sees what you look like in the future. I had enough trouble back then when you were only putting your energy into being cute, now you go around being all hot too.”

“Flatterer,” Jinyoung says with a smile, and Jaebeom is momentarily amazed that he was able to resist teenage Jinyoung’s charms for so long. “Little me will have no idea how to react to the piercings. You were always attractive, but you look way too good with them.” He turns around to peck Jaebeom’s lips lightly. “Now come on, hyung. Let’s go show the world what JJ Project is made of.”)

#anon #jjp #writing #ik this was sent ages ago but...valentine's day present!

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junkshop-disco · 6 years

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My life at the moment is at the intersection where exams meet “what will I do with the rest of my life” panic, which combined with the (near) end of my doals reread leaves me feeling very emo. I’ve caught myself thinking “I wish I had something to be brave about” before today when that post about how being brave is being afraid but doing it anyway appears on my dash. Except that now that I do have something to be brave about..... all I want to do is retreat into my duvet, never to come out. /1

Realistically, I know that neither choice will lead to an apocalyptic outcome. I have something to gain from both, very different things maybe but things nonetheless. And yet? Thinking about it has me on the verge of tears. It really doesn’t help that I don’t have a goal? I don’t know what I want to DO. (These tribulations are career related.) I thought I did. And then I was presented with the opportunity to try my hand at a career I’ve had in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember /2

And suddenly it’s the last thing I want to do. I’m Harry in doals if that Harry were interested in baking, being a vet and the Argus but pursuing none of them. Why can’t I muster that enthusiasm? Why does the idea of taking some initiative and doing something, anything at all, so paralyse me? I swear I haven’t always been like this. *big sigh* Anyway, the last chapter of Nick’s book is really speaking to me today so I’ve come to you with all of this, I’m sorry. I hope you’re having a good day /3

And if you’re not, please know that story has done more for me than I’ll ever be able to thank you for and I am incredibly grateful that I found it and gave it a go back in January. ❤️❤️❤️ /4

Hello, I’m sorry there’s anything in your life which is making you tearful 💛. I think it’s easy when you’ve been in education to focus on exams and it makes seeing beyond them, envisaging which option works for you, really hard because it’s such a different kind of challenge to those you’ve been facing, the ones your brain is used to. In those circumstances, all the potential options for Afterwards that you try on in your head can seem as ill-fitting as those impulse ASOS sale purchases that deep down you knew were discounted because they wouldn’t suit anybody, ever. Which makes you start thinking things like, ‘this thing I thought I wanted since forever, is it really for me??’ ‘am I really the kind of person who can do that??’ ‘what do I even WANT out of life???’ Faced with questions like that, mentally retreating to the safety of the duvet is the only truly rational response, frankly. And you’ve probably been working hard and been stressed so you deserve a nap. Or two. Or nine. So if you need some duvet time, here’s me giving you permission to take it.

It’s a rough time, honestly. Fuck, when I finished uni, in a panic, I applied to join the Secret Service and for a job in a dry cleaners and to do a PhD on the same day. Did I want to do any of those things? Not really. I ended up sliding into one of them for a bit because it seemed the most sensible and then quitting when a fly dropped dead and fell out of the air in front of me and I decided to interpret it as a message from the universe. Like Nick said, any decision you make now isn’t the watertight-holds-forever-blood-oath-with-Hades sort, you can always quit and start again if you need to (prophetic insect death element entirely optional, probably).

Does that make choosing any easier? Does it make enthusiasm spring from the well of inertia? Not really, but maybe it lessens the stakes a little if you can tell yourself ok I’m not sure about this but what if I try it for a month or two and see how I feel then. Or what if I give past!me who wanted this thing a chance to see if they still do. Or what if I give me who thinks they want to pass on this permission to pass on this and see if I regret it. Or what if I decide to do nothing, to do neither of these and see what shows up when they’re not there. Sometimes the only way you can really make a decision is to make it and then live with it for a bit, see how it sits.

One thing Nick didn’t say to Harry but Niall might’ve, one late night in the barn when Harry had shadows under his eyes and kept staring at his phone not texting Nick even though Niall had told him to just do it already you’ll feel better and you know I’m right 14 times, is:

“You can’t make a wrong decision about your own life, Harry. Don’t - don’t roll your eyes, you can’t. Because it’s your life. And you can only live it once, in one direction, one little bit at a time, and that means you can’t know how things will turn out or what the perfect way to go about something is. Any decision you make, it’ll be right in the moment you make it. And if two weeks later, it’s not right anymore, well, you can worry about that when you get there. It’s like that old saying about the two roads in a wood, one going one way and the other the other, and one is full of brambles and the other’s nicely mowed - only instead of going on your way, you’re just standing on the crossroads, which is always the worst bit of anywhere. You take one step in any direction - any direction, you don’t have to even pick one of the paths, you’ve a whole fucking wood to trample through in any way you want to - and you’re already better off than you were when you didn’t know which way to go.”

Harry had no idea what he meant, went back to staring at his phone, wishing he knew what to say to the empty window or that Nick is typing… would magically appear.

But a week or so later, he ran into Liam, who told him about his audition, and when an idea glimmered, he wasn’t as scared of it as he might’ve been if Niall hadn’t filled his head with bramble woods and signposts he was free to ignore.

🌳🐄🌲🐄🌳

#doodle of a surface life #I hope this helped a bit #if it didn't #then just know I'm wishing you well #and my day was...#a mixed bag #of stress #and laughter #and running down the road with an aquarium #which definitely would not have happened #if I'd stuck with the secret service career path #<3

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