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hobivore · 3 years

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i have been thirsting for joon a stupid amount recently so.....subby joon + 101....hehehe

I’ve had this idea in my drafts for a while and your request fitted perfectly, so thank you for finally making me write it Mai! Hope you enjoy 💗

↠ pairing: knj x reader (f) ↠ genre: smut ↠ rating: explicit (18+) ↠ words: 1.7k oops ↠ prompt: “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself.” ↠ warnings: telephone sex, masturbation, dirty talk, degradation, mention of choking, she’s kinda toying with him but he likes it, Namjoon in sweatpants because that should come with a warning, Joon’s subby and mostly very whipped and also a bit of a horny overthinking idiot (affectionate), also he’s a big dude… yes everywhere *winkwonk*

One moment Namjoon is staring at the green phone icon, closing the app and re-opening it five times with twitching fingers, the other moment your sweet voice is purring in his ear.

“Namjoon?”

He nearly drops his phone in his lap.

Soft chatter buzzes in the background on the other side of the line. A door shuts and the click-clack of your heels echoes through the small speaker.

He looks at the clock and groans. 3:18 pm on a Thursday. Of course you’re at work.

It should take him less than 50 minutes to reach the airport by bike—he’s not going to risk subway traffic right before rush hour—and get on a plane to another continent. Change his name and disappear forever.

“Are you okay, baby?”

Has he said anything yet? God, is he going to be one of those guys who calls a girl, breathes heavily into the phone like a creep, then hangs up?

“Hi,” he croaks, flinching at his uncharacteristically high voice.

“It’s been a while.”

You’re right. It’s been 2 months and 4 days to be precise, but he doesn’t tell you he’s been counting the days. That’d be weird.

So he nods.

You stay silent and he rubs a hand over his face—of course you can’t hear him nodding. Get yourself together, Namjoon.

“I thought you’d never call me back.” There’s a wicked lilt in your voice and his stomach twists.

“Sorry.” He says. “I—I meant to call you sooner.”

He’d left your house with your number and it’d taken him all his willpower to stop himself from calling you that same day. He wasn’t a horny teenager anymore. He wasn’t desperate.

But then the days passed and the doubt started trickling in. Did you really want him to call you?

Maybe you’d regretted the night and given him your number out of pity. It had probably been a mistake, one of those nights you’d recall years after with your girlfriends. Sitting in a bar, tight black dress hugging every curve and a glass of wine in your hand as you talk about his stupid big dick and your friends erupt in laughter around you.

Or you had deleted his number from your phone and forgotten about his existence.

Namjoon wasn’t sure which situation was worse.

After 5 days, you’d called. He’d panicked and pressed the red icon—immediately shooting you a lame text message, ‘sorry, busy. will call you back later’.

He never called.

“Did you miss me?”

He swallows thickly. This morning I woke up with the outline of your body still imprinted on my eyelids.

“Yes,” he says, his tongue feeling too large for his mouth.

“I’m glad you called.” Your voice sounds honest and saccharine and it drips off his skin like honey.

Despite the whizzing aircon, Namjoon suddenly feels sticky and feverishly hot in his hoodie and sweatpants. “Where are you?” he asks, ignoring the fluttering inside his chest.

“I’m at work.“ You cut off his apology. “Don’t worry, you’re more fun than my colleague. He’s been nagging about his ex all day. I could use a break.”

Namjoon laughs. “Park? I remember you talking about him.”

He can practically hear your eyeroll over the phone. “The one and only. This is his other ex. Wait—” you’re moving again, “—I’ll hide in the toilet, he won’t come looking for me there.”

When you speak next, your voice echoes off the walls.

“You know, Joonie, I’ve missed you too.” Something clicks softly. You must’ve closed the toilet lid, sitting down on top of it, phone cradled against your ear. “I called you and you left me hanging like that.”

There’s an amused edge to your words that makes his chest tighten and his dick stir in his pants.

“So why call me now?”

His throat feels parched, and he looks around his room—no water. He gets up but stops himself before he’s out of his seat; Yoongi might be home, and he doesn’t feel like running into his roommate right now. Not when said roommate was the one who introduced you to him and kept telling him to man up and call you.

Namjoon fucked up and he owes you a proper apology. Not a stumbling mess.

“I wanted to hear your voice,” comes out instead.

To hear your voice, to see how your nose crinkles when you laugh, to fuck you senseless.

“Shit—I apologise.” He clears his throat. “For not calling sooner. I really am sorry.”

You laugh, a light, melodic sound. “It’s okay. I knew you’d call.”

The certainty in your voice makes his ears burn. Of course you knew he couldn’t stay away. Not after he’d felt your thighs clamped around his head, his tongue buried deep inside your pussy.

Not after he’d watched your face contort in pleasure while you bounced on his cock.

“So,” you continue, “you just wanted to hear my voice?”

Even separated by half a city and unable to see his face, you can see right through him.

His dick is tenting his pants and the blood is pounding in his ears. He ought to control himself better.

“Are you at home?” Your voice drops dangerously low and Namjoon knows he’s a lost cause the moment he lays his phone on the desk and puts you on speaker.

“I am.”

“You’re hard right now, aren’t you, Joonie?” You tut. “Calling me after such a long time. Getting hard at the sound of my voice. How pathetic.”

A small, wet patch darkens the grey fabric of his sweats.

“Or are you touching yourself already?”

“I—no!” He is quick to reply, voice rising. He wouldn’t dare. His head spins, and this is a lot, but he’s not that kind of person. The kind of person who’d jerk off to a woman without her permission.

“But you want to.”

Namjoon closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath. “Please.”

“O, Joonie,” he hears your earrings clatter against your phone as you shake your head, “what should I do with you?”

He knows better than to answer a rhetorical question. You sound like you know exactly what to do with him.

“I want you to touch yourself. Picture it’s me.”

Namjoon’s breath hitches in his throat and he hooks his sweats under his balls, grabbing his cock in one hand.

It’s nothing like your soft skin stroking him, the small kitten-licks of your tongue teasing his tip, the wet heat of your walls surrounding him.

His hand is rough, with his long fingers and broad palm. He'd never paid much attention to his hands until you'd pointed them out.

So fucking big, you'd moaned when you’d showed him how to tighten one around your throat, your heartbeat hammering underneath the tips of his fingers.

It had taken him all his self-control not to come right then, on the spot.

He spits in his palm and starts moving his hand with slow strokes, toes curling inside his socks.

“Do you wish it was my pussy instead, baby?” Your voice sounds distant yet mellifluous through the device and he moans, tightening his grip.

Namjoon tells his students there are no stupid questions. That’s a lie.

There’s an absurd amount of them whizzing around his head right now. Why did your pussy taste so sweet? Is it possible for a person to suffocate between someone’s tits? Does Namjoon really want to die by boobs or is he just horny? (Knowing himself, there’s a 98% chance it’s the latter). What would his parents say if that happened? Would his university put up a picture of him on the bulletin board to mock him? Would he make the newspaper? Hopefully they don’t misspell his name.

He’s sure professor Choi would at least attend his funeral and thank him for his help. He’s been saving the old bastard a lot of time grading those dull papers.

No offence to the students.

“Answer me.”

He jerks in his seat. “Yes,” he grits out between clenched teeth. “Wish it was your pussy. Wish I could fuck you right now—” he whimpers, thumb pressing under the head of his cock, head lolling against the back of his chair.

“Poor boy,” you chuckle, and the sound goes straight to his core. “So desperate to waste your cum—you’re gonna spill it all over yourself instead of filling me up. What a shame.”

Your breathing sounds stable and even, and he doesn’t think you’re touching yourself. It makes his cock throb even harder.

He can picture you sitting on the toilet lid in your work clothes, leaning back against the wall. Fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of your shirt while he’s panting on the other side of the line. Murmuring filth in his ears with that lovely voice of yours—

He should probably hurry up before Park starts looking for you.

Picking up his speed, he lets out a low grunt and his eyes slip shut.

He can see you now, spread out before him on your bed, naked and waiting. He can feel you under his hands and taste you on his tongue. Your scent is intoxicating, soft moans falling from your lips as he pushes inside you.

“Faster.” You strike a sharp slap across his cheek with the flat of your hand—

Namjoon opens his eyes and his gaze lands on the bonsai on his desk. Its tiny red flowers look like they’re taunting him.

Don't judge me. You've seen worse than this.

There’s a ringing in his ears and he gasps at a particularly harsh flick of his wrist.

“Are you gonna come for me? Already?” You sound disappointed and his balls tighten.

You tsk. “You’re hopeless, Joon.”

He is. He’s hopeless, and his vision shatters, body hunching over as he comes all over his hand and chest.

Stroking himself slowly, he tries to regain his breathing. A part of his mind vaguely registers your voice on the other end of the line.

“What about you?” He pants, wincing at his sticky sweater.

“I guess I’ll just get off all by myself,” you chuckle. “Unless you want to come over tonight?”

#houseofddaeng #hyunglinenetwork #kpopscape #thebtswritersclub #bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #btsghostie #bts fanfic #bts smut #namjoon smut #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon #kim namjoon #sub!bts #sub bts #ttn

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bitch-for-a-rainbow · 2 years

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Remember when I said I was working on a Mon-El rewrite and then never actually posted it. Yeah it’s been written for around 4 months and just sitting in my drafts. Oops.

I’ve seen several reincarnations of Mon-El intended to improve his arc— one where he was a girl, one where he was a child, etc. I wanted to make one that kept to the show as directly as possible, down to the introductory scene and exit in the finale of season 2. (There is almost nothing I would salvage of his season 3 return). So get ready, this is gonna be a long one.

From the very basic series of events, Mon-El’s introductory scene would proceed as normal. My issues are more specific. The blocking and timing of the fight: specifically the opening move. Grabbing Kara by the throat was a visually interesting shot that made a fun cliffhanger, but it made no sense. Mon-El has combat training, he would know that just grabbing your enemy by the throat with one hand and throwing them isn’t likely to do anything. With super-strength it makes sense, but Mon-El just woke up: he doesn’t know that he has super-strength yet. In addition, Mon-El just chokes out the first person he sees? Why?

Instead, Kara is with him when he wakes up, and is startled, like in the show. The timing of the beginning of the fight doesn’t change, nor how quickly events occur. But one thing is different, when Mon-El wakes up gasping and looks at Kara, his eyes flick down to her crest once before he attacks her, only once. It’s quick and it changes the entire context of the scene. To summarize: Mon-El is in a place he does not know, having just escaped a horribly traumatic situation and witnessed the murder of a Kryptonian diplomat, and is faced with the sigil of a major Kryptonian house. We don’t know the background yet, but with that single look down at Kara’s sigil and immediately violent reaction, combined with the panic on his face when he wakes up, we know that there is something deeper going on than him being a violent lunatic. His attack on Kara automatically makes more sense. We don’t know exactly what’s going through his head, but we know he’s trying to get away.

When he attacks Kara he doesn’t grab her throat, he grabs the tray next to him and hits her with it. The tray dents over her head, and Mon-El reacts with confusion and fear. Kara is disorientated (he hit her in the head with full daxamite strength) but also visibly uninjured. Mon-El doesn’t calmly strip off the sensors and blood pressure cuff, he rips it off and sends it flying. He tries to run but he’s not in full control of his body, his powers are not something he knows, and he’s crashing into and breaking walls— just generally causing chaos. He doesn’t escape the DEO. In fact, he doesn’t even really try. While the DEO agents point weapons at him, he looks between the balcony covered in soldiers and the kryptonian pod he arrived in, and makes a beeline for the pod, plugging in his distress call. It is at this point, with Alex about to shoot him with a bazooka, that Kara intervenes. She grabs him and starts trying to calm him in Kryptonian. This has… mixed effects. On the one hand, as a member of the Royal Family Mon-El is was required to learn Kryptonian and so understands her (and that she is not trying to hurt him). But on the other, Mon-El is Mon-El, didn’t always take his lessons so seriously, and to make matters worse, has a distinctive accent that Kara recognizes the minute the first word leaves his mouth. Her eyes narrow and the scene cuts to Mon-El being put in a more “secure” environment. Kara has her scene where she talks about Daxam to Winn and Alex (one of her insults to the Daxamite people can reference the accent). It could be outright stated that it’s no wonder he freaked out after seeing Kara’s sigil, or it could simply be left to the viewer to understand.

In his cell, Mon-El acts just like he did in the show, arrogant, princely, and disparaging of Kryptonians. This is in no small part because Kara is so aggressively anti-daxamite. Note: Mon-El does not speak English. He’s being taught and learning faster than most humans would, but he is relying on Kara for translation— meaning that some of the more quick-fire and nasty sections of their conversation go untranslated for the rest of the team. Like in the show, he lies about his identity. It’s made clear that he’s not totally sure they aren’t going to decide just to kill him. In the last of those arguments, Mon-El asks about his distress signal, and Kara explains that when Krypton was destroyed, Daxam was too, that it’s been over 30 years. She’s halfway out the door when he calls after her. It’s fitting, he says, that even the death of Krypton wouldn’t stop them from hurting Daxam. Kara just tells him that she’ll leave him to his grief, and leaves. It’s a conversation that deeply affects both of them.

Alex and J’onn come to the conclusion that they need to find a way to integrate Mon El into Earth. They begin his English lessons with Kara (who is still shaken by the reminder of Krypton and Daxam’s death and also doesn’t get a choice) and like in the show, Winn starts testing out Mon El’s powers (though, the passage of time is shifted somewhat, with the interrogation of Mon-El taking place two or so weeks before Winn starts testing out his abilities: allowing time for Mon-El to achieve conversational— if shaky— English, and to make Mon-El, randomly wandering around the DEO base unattended to walk in on Kara with her Mother’s hologram more reasonable. He’s a fixture by this point, even if Kara still keeps him at arm's length). He’s just as unpleasant as he was in the show— talking about women and alcohol and a party that lasted 3 entire days and nights. But instead of somehow managing to convince Winn to take him out on the town (which isn’t difficult) AND getting out of the DEO unhindered AND without Kara, Alex, or J’onn finding out (which isn’t possible), the accidental use of his super strength comes after hours of tests. Mon El is bored, frustrated, and stir crazy and Winn tries to take his arm to guide him back over to the stand. Mon El only means to shrug Winn off. Winn goes flying.

Horrified, Mon-El rushes forward to try and help him but Winn won’t let him get close. He calls for Kara instead, who appears in a flash, realizes what happened… and isn’t angry. She’s stern, certainly, and immediately takes Winn upstairs for medical treatment. But when she returns, and Mon-El is pacing and panicking, she simply asks if he’s okay. It’s the first time she treats him with open compassion, and Mon-El gapes. He wonders out loud at the fact that he’s not “in trouble” so to speak. On Daxam, a violent attack like that, even accidental, would carry heavy consequences (for those not in power). His list of possible punishments to his transgression range from public humiliation to flogging to amputation. Kara’s response is two-fold: 1.) abject confusion and horror because “no, Mon-El, I’m not going to do that. Why would anyone do that.” and 2.) Accidents happen. Especially when superpowers are involved. Kara talks about her own childhood and difficulty acclimating to Earth and her abilities. She offers him help, and just when we’re starting to think they’re getting somewhere, Mon-El clams up. He thanks her for the offer but says he can manage on his own. He calls her ‘Kryptonian’. Some barriers are not so easy to break down, but for Kara at least, it’s the beginning of her actually trying to help him enter human society, rather than simply tolerating his existence. It is also an example of a recurring theme with Mon El’s early appearances— Something makes him feel vulnerable and he’s actually decent. Then he calms down slightly and immediately closes off.

Mon-El is released into Kara’s care. She treats him with decency and tries to expose him to Earth. (Note: She does not take any shit. She’s patient and tries to help him because she empathizes with his position and knows he is afraid, but that does not mean she simply takes insults lying down. Her responses are similar to the way one would scold a child. A simple chiding to say that such language is unacceptable, and to do better. Her patience wears, but she doesn’t yell. Not yet.)

She brings Mon-El to CatCo. It’s not intended to be for more than half an hour— she’s just having a short meeting with snapper and picking up some files. Mon-El is surly, rude, and flirts with everything that has breasts. Kara has apologized to about 4 different people for his behavior before she bodily drags him into her office, where gives him a hissing rebuke and tells him to sit down, shut up, and wait there until she is done. It is, perhaps, the first time anyone has ever spoken to Mon-El that way besides his mother. Angry, embarrassed and most of all shocked, he stays in the room. In his boredom (and sulking), he starts looking through the papers on her desk. This is how Kara finds him with one of her articles on President Marsdin clutched in shaking hands. It’s one of the only articles Kara’s written that is a critique of the president. It’s a rough draft, the tone a good deal more scathing than she plans for her final revision, and Mon-El is horrified. As soon as the door is shut, he takes her by the shoulders and asks in whisper that she can only understand with superhearing “Have you lost your mind?” He launches into a desperate rant about how in the world she thinks she’s going to keep anyone safe if the DEO kills them both, what is she thinking, has anyone else seen this, she needs to burn it. It takes Kara a minute to understand he’s talking about her article, and a few more to realize that he thinks the President will have them executed for treason if anyone reads what she’s written. It is perhaps not the most soothing response when Kara bursts out laughing. Mon-El stares at her like she really has gone mad, and Kara explains the bill of rights. (Still shaken, he does not invite himself along with Kara to the Gala. But Kara tells him about it when she gets home, and brings him leftover potstickers she smuggled out in napkins in her purse. He listens with interest. He does like parties.)

Mon-El begins to suspect that maybe Daxam wasn’t the greatest place in the galaxy. There are more incidents like the one at CatCo, but none quite so serious. He tries to brush it off, but you can tell by his face that it’s bothering him.

He starts asking about things that proper Daxamite society would have looked down on. He asks Kara if he can read more of her articles. He gets involved independently in some human activity— like his bartending gig. He starts out slowly, dropping by occasionally and helping out. Eventually, it becomes a proper, time-consuming activity— one Mon-El actually cares about and works hard at. He meets people at this activity. They are, at first, a little put off by his rude and kind of lazy attitude, but he starts to build relationships. Through these people and this activity, we get to know Mon-El on his own, as a person, not as a challenge for Kara to work through. Couched in a human-sounding background, we learn about his family, his childhood, things he’d seen, things he’d been taught. The reaction from his new friends is generally: “dude that’s messed up.” and “This explains so much.”. More cracks appear in Mon-El’s facade. He’s slowly being confronted with the fact that his whole life was built on cruelty and oppression, and it hurts. He learns about Earth and other worlds. He starts to care.

Mon-El begins to reciprocate Kara’s kindness. Slowly. He asks about her day, compliments her, begins taking an active interest in her work. (He does not ask for or want anything in return.) This takes place over episodes and time. His actual interactions with Kara are not at the forefront of his subplot. The transition of how he treats her is entirely through casual dialogue and acting. No spelling it out for the audience. No conversation between Alex and Kara about how much he’s grown. Subtlety.

He doesn’t understand yet why Kara is supergirl— he doesn’t have to, he’s still growing. But he understands that SHE cares about it, and so he does too.

One day, he does something simple and nice. It’s cute, fluffy, and sweet. Say, he went to an arcade (on his own, using his own money that he earned) and won some dumb cheap toy with his tickets, and he presents that toy to Kara. Maybe it’s a stuffed cat because she told him about streaky. Or maybe a giant bag of gummy bears. Either way, it’s a gift. Not a thank you. A gift. He just won a bunch of tickets, and instead of getting himself something, his first thought was her.

But there are setbacks (Plural). Every so often he’ll get angry, say something hurtful. He’s only a person, and he’s going through a major transition. Losing your entire culture in an instant really sucks. But he takes time for himself, calms down, and apologizes. He explains why he was upset and acknowledges that what he did was wrong. He promises to do better, and he does. They start developing a system for living together, ways to communicate when they just need some time to cool off (this doesn’t need to have an entire conversation about it. Just an offhand mention from Kara to Alex that Mon-El left some special mug upside down on the counter and so she’s giving him space).

Mon-El is beginning to get antsy about the lie of his parentage. He’s worried these people he now cares for will be angry. He’s worried they’ll throw him out. (he could discuss this in veiled terms with his not-kara-related friends or it could just be shown with his probing questions.) Second chances weren’t a thing where he grew up. Despite everything that’s happened, he’s still worried he won’t get one here.

It’s a bad day. The day Mon-El and Kara are taken by Cadmus. They’re trapped in the cells together. Kara has solar flared and had her blood taken. Mon-El has been shot. He’s bleeding and in pain and dying. Terrified, guilty, and thinking Kara will die believing him something he’s not, he confesses. Jeremiah arrives before Kara has time to do anything but reel in confusion and hurt.

They come back to the DEO. Once they’ve ascertained everyone is alright and explained about Jeremiah, Kara sits Mon-El down and asks why he’d lied. She knew he was hiding something about his past (He’s not quite so sneaky as he thinks and he’s been fairly close-mouthed about Daxam over the past few weeks.). With the time to cool off and since Mon-El confessed rather than having a lie revealed, Kara is clear-headed enough to ask questions. Besides, she’s got her own experience with hiding her identity. Mon-El explains: at first he was afraid they would kill or ransom him for being royalty, and when he was finally sure they wouldn’t harm him for his bloodline, he was enjoying the anonymity of being a royal guard. No one expected him to be anything other than he was. He tells her about his life back home, his family, his actual guard who had given his own life as well as the life of the diplomat to spare Mon-El’s. Kara is hurt, of course, but accepts it. His reasons are sound enough, and she’s used some of them for herself and Supergirl. She thanks him for telling her the truth, and she asks if he wants to keep it between them. (He tells her that she doesn’t have to worry about hiding it. She can tell Alex. Kara’s relief is palpable.)

Congratulations! They now have a friendship based on mutual respect and trust!

Now the romance begins.

(Melissa Benoist and Chris Wood had chemistry. Let them act together, hang out, care about each other. They can sell the romance, they just need to have characters that actually like each other.)

Kara and Mon-El talk about each other to their friends. They talk about simple things, jokes the other made, movies they saw, fun things. Their friends notice AND SAY NOTHING. (there is some light teasing that flies directly over Kara and Mon El’s heads). THEY DO NOT TELL THEM TO DATE. They nod and smile and make bets among themselves about how long it will take. Mon El’s extremely casual and totally just for curiosity’s sake question about whether or not Kara has a mate can remain. A.) it was hilarious B.) it displays both a Kryptonian and Daxamite custom that isn’t brought up much and C.) It gets so much funnier if Mon-El himself hasn’t realized he’s interested in Kara and everyone is staring at him like “…dude.”

I’m also putting Kara getting drunk around here (again, hilarious), but I’m changing it to her AND Mon-El getting drunk together on a fun evening out. When Alex finds them they’re both giggling and excitable and sitting a little too close together to be casual.

Medusa is a turning point. It’s the second time Mon-El has nearly died in as many weeks, and with their relationship deepening post-confession, Kara is distraught. It’s not enough to make them kiss, but it is a big moment demonstrating exactly how deep it’s come.

Mon-El helps Kara with the investigation into Slaver’s Moon. He’s there because he’s friends with a guy whose family member is among the missing and he wants to help. This is the beginning of him helping Kara with Supergirl stuff. It hurts, seeing people you care about in pain and not being able to help. While he’s helping Kara interview family members to try and track leads, he discovers a new sensation. It hurts to see anyone in pain and not be able to help. Thus, he is beginning to understand supergirl. Slaver’s moon is also another place where Mon-El has to address his own history of slavery. (They just sort of brushed over that in the show, instead of having him faced with screaming terrified people who are being kept in pens like cattle. Such a waste of an emotionally charged scene.)

Mon-El begins his superhero training with Kara. He does well in a controlled environment. He’s a quick thinker, skilled combatant, and seems to really enjoy the challenge of it.

But then he goes out into the field. Mon-El tries to help Kara bring in Lisa Gold (Livewire 2.0). He makes a snap judgment, a mistake (not a thought-out, intentional choice) that places humans in danger to help Kara. It’s not because he doesn’t trust her to hold her own, or that he doesn’t understand why Kara helps these people. There’s a fight, Kara gets hit, and Mon-El panics. (There are ways to show this through camera work, acting, and sound design, though I think the biggest problem in the show was the slow pacing.) There’s a difference between having combat training and having combat experience. Being a superhero is hard and stressful and Mon-El is freaking out about having nearly killed several policemen, as well as James, and he and Kara argue. Truthfully, they’re arguing over nothing. It was a tense situation, Kara doesn’t really know how to teach (the recent reveal of Guardian is not helping her mood), and Mon-El is just scared. But they both exchange hurtful words they don’t mean.

Kara leaves to go cool off and Mon-El drops by James at the DEO to check up on him. The two commiserate over Kara yelling at them. James says not to worry, and that she’ll get over it eventually, but he’s still very irritated. While Mon-El is there, James tells him about the info Winn gave him and invites him along to go interrogate the prison guard. Mon-El jumps at the chance to make things right with James (and to get back at Kara). They get caught up in chasing down the now plural Livewires and end up captured like in the show.

Kara is furious. At both of them. But while James (the main target of her anger) can extricate himself from the confrontation, Mon-El can’t. They live together. They argue again, this time even angrier than the last. Now it encompasses not only the inciting incident but also the insults hurled during the previous argument, Kara feeling like he didn’t take the near-miss with the cops seriously enough (that he went right back into something he obviously wasn’t ready for and ignored the possible consequences) and Mon-El now having been chewed out twice in one day and even more upset because he keeps trying to help and having it blow up in his face.

(The major change to this argument that was necessary was that both of them have some culpability. Mon-El made a mistake— and his reaction to being yelled at was petty and poorly thought out— and Kara— who is already upset about something else— didn’t know how to handle it. She doesn’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to people she cares about getting hurt, and Mon El’s response to her upset at James’ injury was not just to put James in danger AGAIN but to put himself in danger as well. All of that would make her unpleasant enough and then you add in the fact that she’s really pissed off at James for doing the exact same thing and for lying to her. Mutual culpability spreads audience frustration more evenly among the involved parties so we don’t hate one character and think the other can do no wrong. In the show, Mon-El made a mistake, handled it by telling Kara that everything she devotes her life to is worthless, and then somehow it got framed as him kinda having a point? Something that really exacerbated this, and one of the biggest issues I had with Mon-El overall, is the timing with which he acts. All of his mistakes and cruel statements are timed so that they are not in the heat of the moment or accidental, but instead thought through and purposeful. Mistakes happen. Arguments happen. That he says nasty things is not the problem, but that he seems to truly believe all of those nasty things and/or not regret saying them as soon as they’re out of his mouth is.)

They both go off and complain to their people. Kara about the shitty stuff he said when they were arguing and about how worried she’d been for him and James. Mon-El about how scared he’d been when he thought she’d been hurt and how could she be this upset when all he’d done was try to help? (His friends seem to be under the impression that Kara works in Law Enforcement and Mon-El had happened upon her while she was working.) They both receive the obvious advice. Talk to each other. And talk they do. Kara explains that she knows her work can be scary and overwhelming, especially when you first start and that she shouldn’t have thrown him into something they weren’t sure he was ready for. She’s never been taught how to teach, and her own teachers hadn’t eased her into anything (Remember when she caused that massive oil spill in season 1?). But, what he said was cruel. Mon-El, for his part, acknowledges that he said things he shouldn’t have and explains how he hadn’t actually realized in the moment that what he was doing could hurt those people, he’d just seen her get hurt and freaked out. They both admit to saying things they didn’t mean and that they were worried about each other. They decide that he will continue to help her as Supergirl, but that they’ll go more slowly. He’ll sit out the more complicated rescues. Instead, he can help with fires and disasters, simpler things where neither he nor Kara would be in physical danger— less risk of panic. The conversation becomes less heavy, more pleasant— it ends with some nice longing glances at each other.

From here on out I’m going to be a bit more episodic where I can:

I would keep Mon-El absent for most of the White Martian episode. It’s Kara’s earth birthday and she’s made plans with Alex. So he’s on his own, hanging out with his own friends, working, etc. He doesn’t actually need to appear on screen: Kara could just text him at the end of the episode to explain the attack at the DEO and that she’s okay. Could be a nice shot of her grinning at her phone.

The next episode could open mostly as is: Mon-El and Kara are together at Al’s talking (this is a place where the actors having chemistry is very good for the show. Have them grinning and giggling and making a bit too much physical contact.). They meet up with the others, Alex introduces Maggie, and James argues with Kara about Lena. The entire episode proceeds as normal sans Eve telling Kara about breaking up with Mon-El, given that they would never have dated. Mon-El gives Kara his training room pep-talk about how much good her faith in him has done. They meet back up at the end of the episode. There are thanks on both sides, and Kara’s fumbling attempts to flirt. They’re just starting to lean in…

Mxyzptlk appears. This episode goes pretty close to and yet very differently from its original format. Mon-El is a little jealous, yeah, but he’s more concerned about the fact that a 6th dimensional imp is trying to bully Kara into marrying him. The argument in the DEO doesn’t happen because can you say “UNPROFESSIONAL”. If they wanted to trick Mxy into thinking they were having issues, they could have had that argument in Kara’s apartment— perhaps in front of her friends and family (after forewarning said friends and family). Also in this version, the extra awkwardness of Kara and Mon-El both being incredibly uncomfortable because they were about an inch away from making out when Mxy showed up. The Superfriends are confused about why Kara and Mon-El are acting like that, Kara is stressed out because Mxyzptlk what the fuck, and Mon-El has Mxy trying to murder him for Kara’s affections. The solution is the same (suicide bombing bluff in the fortress), but the middle is rather hacked to pieces. Personally, I found show-Mon-El’s reaction to Mxyzptlk trying blackmail marriage to someone he supposedly loves, disturbingly centered on his own pride and “claim” to Kara, rather than the very real danger Mxy posed to the general populace and Kara. The episode ends with their first kiss. I wouldn’t have them immediately sleep together— I’d prefer to keep the relationship climb a bit more slow and steady than that. Also, the next episode would not begin with Mon-El deciding he was just The Best at sex. Ew.

Mon-El also does not publicly announce their relationship after Kara expressly tells him not to. He certainly does not do so at her place of work. They do plan to tell people, later, but Jeremiah’s return gets in the way. (Note: Mon-El can still show some insecurity in her reluctance to tell people. He can ask why she wouldn’t want people to know, and show on his face that he doesn’t completely believe her answer, or shots of his expressions can be used to show his anxiety about how much she actually likes him. Some insecurity is perfectly natural in someone with his background— completely going against the wishes of his partner without even discussing the issue with her is more problematic).

Jeremiah’s return operates fairly similarly to the show. This relationship is new and Kara absolutely does not want to hear that Jeremiah is lying— especially about something that so directly harmed her. Mon-El is not immediately assured of Jeremiah’s guilt, but he is suspicious. Instead of outright accusing him, he asks probing questions. The questions are specific and Jeremiah struggles to answer them. Thinking the questions are making Jeremiah uncomfortable, Kara and Alex tell Mon-El to drop it. He doesn’t. Instead, he gets more suspicious. He asks Jeremiah about more things, Cadmus, the facilities. Jeremiah slips up on some of the answers but plays it off as trauma. Kara pulls Mon-El aside and tells him to drop it or leave. This is when he accuses Jeremiah. Kara refuses to listen and tells him to get out. Jeremiah does not threaten Mon-El with the truth of his parentage here, as that secret is already out, and it makes his guilt more muddled. Let the viewer wonder for a moment if Mon-El is actually just being paranoid— even if it’s a very small doubt. The rest of the episode proceeds as normal.

Mon-El is very pro karadanvers.com. He and Lena agree that Snapper is an old crusty shit and Kara should go around him to release her article if she has to. He comforts her post-firing, and Kara says that maybe just being Supergirl is enough. (Note the dialogue change here. She does NOT say being Supergirl AND his girlfriend is enough. Those two things do not rank equally on the level of personally defining attributes.)

Don’t ask me how the music meister episode goes in this timeline. I think we should just accept the funny tap routine and forget excuses.

The introduction of Mon-El’s family is structurally the same, but since Kara is not just now learning that Mon-El is royalty, the surprise is instead just that his family survived. The dinner with his family is as awkward and uncomfortable as could be expected with the Krypton-Daxam relationship and how much Mon-El has changed since his arrival on Earth. The dinner is a disaster, but they sit through the entire thing.

When Rhea comes to get Kara to convince Mon-El to return to his people, it’s Kara’s sense of duty, not her anger, that drives her to try. When she talks to Mon-El she tells him about Superman, about her failure to care for him. She may not have been able to fulfill her duty, but he can still fulfill his. He could be with his family again. Think of all the people he could help as a king! Mon-El is reluctant, but he agrees to a meeting with his mother.

Rhea is delighted, and is launching into a speech about how they are going to rebuild Daxam greater than it has ever been when Mon-El interrupts.

He has conditions.

What comes out of his mouth is nothing short of a complete restructuring of the entire Daxamite justice and class system. To start with, Daxam will have a real press— one that isn’t just the mouthpiece for the Royal Family. There will be no cruel and unjust punishments for crimes. No public humiliation in the square. No maiming. Education reform. An end to forced marriage (Arranged is still fine, with the consent of both parties— this is a major facet of the Kryptonian and Daxamite familial structure. I do not believe he or Kara would argue for its abolition.). No slaves.

To say that Rhea is shocked and appalled would be a vast understatement. They argue but Mon-El refuses to back down. Either his conditions are met or he doesn’t come back. Rhea says that Kara poisoned his mind. Mon-El says she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Lar Gand lets him leave. (Fun fact: I totally forgot Kevin Sorbo was in this show until I went and rewatched to write this.)

Mon-El returns to Kara’s apartment. His explanation of the events could be shown on screen or not— what is necessary is that he is visibly distraught, and Kara’s immediate response is to offer comfort, not to question.

2x17 could basically be transplanted whole. Rhea calling on bounty hunters, Mon-El being mind-controlled and attacking Kara, and Kara’s doomed attempt at negotiation in the fortress of solitude, resulting in Rhea’s attack with kryptonite daggers (Boy, Kara got over like a 4in. deep stab wound in the middle of her thigh rather quickly didn’t she.) and Mon-El handing himself over to save her. There would be a couple minor changes— mostly fixing dialogue for continuity and Mon-El’s talk with his father about the changes he would make would go a bit more in-depth since he already mentioned them in this timeline. The rescue would go by about the same way, as well as Lar Gand’s intervention and eventual murder (bye bye Kevin Sorbo).

The next episode, Ace Reporter, could also be transplanted almost totally. It is the one episode where I really liked Mon-El’s scenes— partially because it’s the episode where Kara goes off the rails investigating Jack and Mon-El is left chasing after her for once. The sheer shenaniganery gives him a point in my book. Again, some dialogue changes, but nothing major.

2x19, “Alex”, only needs a couple shots that show Mon-El being around. Kara is busy and going through some shit and he doesn’t really have much to do in the episode beyond hold her hand and let her cry. And given the very aggressive and angry way Kara responds to threats to her loved ones, she doesn’t even always want that.

2x20, not much to change. It’s another not Mon-El heavy episode. I would change the scene where he thinks he sees his mother though. Instead of him just walking down the street, I would lengthen it. Start out with him hanging out with his friends and coworkers (remind us he has a life and people not all tied to Kara) and then have him leave and have the scene where he thinks he sees his mom. The rest of the episode is unchanged and the Daxamite invasion begins.

2x21 gets no changes in the Mon-El department, but to the costuming, make-up, and hair departments— Kara has been flying around in a war zone, pulling people out of burning buildings, and going through explosions. She should look dirty. In fact, every member of the Superfriends who spent any time in the fight should be more dirty and worn looking. But Supergirl most of all, because, again, constantly flying in and out of burning buildings.

2x22 only get one major change— how Mon-El argues against Kara and Rhea’s trial by combat. In the show, he questions her physical ability— specifically against that of her cousin. Given that Mon-El has almost no real knowledge of Superman and just saw Kara kick his ass, I didn’t think this made a lot of sense. (I actually think they only had him list Superman because they wanted a scene of Superman outright saying he was at full strength when Kara beat him. This is fine, but I think there were other ways they could have integrated that statement, and other characters it would have worked better with.)

So instead of leaping to “well isn’t Superman better”, Mon-El leaps to “my mother is a dishonorable, untrustworthy snake, what if she pulls out a kryptonite knife and stabs you again.” The response: The lead dispersal device. The rest of the finale plays out as is.

So yeah, Lemme know if I should actually try and do something with this.

#Its the absolute waste of potential for me #supergirl #mon el #Supergirl Season 2 #Supergirl season 2 rewrite #Mon El rewrite #kara zor el #kara danvers #kara zor-el

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excelsi-or · 3 years

Text

just a little sweeter (pt. 10)

HELLLLOOOOOOOO~~ are you guys still there? LOL, it’s been like a month and a half since I last posted on here. The end of the semester just really got intense with projects, presentations, and finals. But I’m here and back for at least two weeks. I wanna see if I can bosh out the rest of this series before I move onto another one.

I hope you’re all well. If you wanna update me on what’s new with you all, I’d love to know. I applied to grad school. I have one more semester left before graduation. Vaccinations have started in my area of the world. I started playing Hollow Knight (if anyone wants to talk about THIS GAME, please do. I love it.) Think that’s kinda it.

BIPOC reeeeeccccc: N. K. Jemisin’s The City We Became is EXCELLENT. Diversity, racism, feminism, LGBTQ representation. I love it so much. One of my favourite books of the year, hands down. Nicole Crowder on IG does like upholstery and interior DIYs and content. I’ve been wanting to upholster these two chairs in my home and she put up a whole 2 min tutorial on how to do it.

w.c. 3k (lol, it got really long oops! fluff and mature content, not quite smut, but it was definitely getting there. The first draft of this part was basically just smut, so I chopped and fixed it LOL. hope you guys still like it.)

pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9

“What do you mean you haven’t had sex with him yet?”

She rolls her eyes and sets a bowl in front of her previous roommate. Soobin had moved out months ago, shortly after she’d met Jihoon.

“It’s going really slow.” She slips into the seat across the table. “We haven’t really said I love you yet either.”

“What do you mean ‘haven’t really said’? What? Just ‘cause Woozi’s an idol he doesn’t know how to treat you right?”

She motions for Soobin to tuck into the food. “Jihoon is treating me wonderfully, thank you very much.” She pauses, her chopsticks hovering in the air. “It’s just… slow.”

“He has a whole child!” Soobin chews her noodles as she continues. “You’ve already passed the point of going slow.”

“It’s not as if Eunha is my child.”

“The kid spends more time here than any of our friends or your family.”

“Jihoon’s been busy.” She shrugs. “It’s easier for him to leave Eunha here than take her with him. Plus, you know the Terror likes her.”

Soobin chuckles. “That little horror of a brother of yours likes everyone.”

She smirks. “Okay, fair.” Then she waves her chopsticks between them. “But Eunha’s probably the reason why he’s going slow. We need to see if we’re compatible.” She meets Soobin’s gaze. “The man has a child.”

“It’s been months!” Soobin quickly cuts in before any interruptions. “Seven months to be exact. You would think that the next step at analyzing compatibility is whether you guys vibe in bed.”

She hums. She doesn’t want to admit out loud that yeah, she’s been having fantasies about Jihoon. However, she hasn’t gotten any clear signals from Jihoon that he wants to pursue anything further than making out on her couch after a date. And before she can broach the topic, he’s off to go get Eunha. If Jihoon never wanted to have sex with her, she wonders if that would be a deal breaker. But she really has no idea.

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“Sex? No.”

“So, what do you guys talk about?”

She throws her head back with a laugh. “You say that as if the only thing you and Jae talk about is sex.”

“Well, it came up a lot when we first started dating.”

“That’s because you guys started off having sex.” She sighs, turning her noodles with the tips of her chopsticks. “This relationship is really different. I don’t know how to gauge it.”

“Do you love him?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“But you do.”

“Yeah.”

“And does Eunha put you off wanting to be with him?”

She rests her cheek in her palm. “I honestly thought she would, but she only makes me love him more.”

“Then talking about sex, even if you’re not having it, is the next step.” Soobin gauges her friend’s reaction. “Even if Jihoon is the type not to want it. You should at least know that. He’s obviously done it at one point.”

There’s a pause before they both say, “The child.”

She nods. “You’re right though. We should talk about it.”

Seungcheol knocks on the studio door. “Hey. You needed me?”

Jihoon turns in his chair and nods. “Yeah. I need a second set of ears on this song. Bumzu hyung and Soonyoung are busy.”

Seungcheol nods and falls into the seat next to Jihoon. He notices the book on the desk. It’s been sitting there for a while. “You finish it?”

Jihoon glances at the book. “Oh.” Then, he resumes clicking through the excessive number of files open on his screen. “Yeah.”

And you haven’t returned it?”

“She reads it when she comes over.” Jihoon hands over the headphones and finally catches Seungcheol’s expression. “What? Is there some big meaning behind that too?”

Ever since he started dating, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and basically everyone in the building has found various meanings in his songs and life that allude to how ‘in love’ he is. He’s not about to tell everyone he’s in love—she doesn’t even know that yet—but not everything going on is about his relationship.

Seungcheol shrugs as he adjusts the headphones on his ears. “You seem to think there isn’t.”

“God.” Jihoon sighs and turns in his chair. He drops his cheek into his palm. “Enlighten me.”

“She’s a big reader and doesn’t like to leave books unfinished. If she’s letting you hold onto it for her, for when she comes over here, that says something.”

“So does leaving my daughter in her care, but we all have something we need taken care of.” He turns back to the screen. “Now, listen to this hook for me.”

Seungcheol settles back into the seat. He bops his head along to the melody until the lyrics play clear in his ears. Wide eyed, he turns to Jihoon and pushes one headphone off his ear. “We’re not putting this on the album, are we?”

Jihoon looks over at him with an eyebrow lifted. “Why not?”

“This is such a… a bedroom… sex song.” Seungcheol shakes his head. “We can’t put this on there.”

Jihoon frowns. “What?” He looks at the file name and feels his cheeks heat up. “Whoa. Not that one.” He quickly closes the file and makes sure that it’s closed. But his checking gives Seungcheol time to see a folder with her name. There’s one for Eunha that none of the boys want to ask about, but his girlfriend? She’s fair game.

“You have a folder of songs for her?” He acts horrified. “And that was one of them?”

Jihoon tries to think of any way out of this conversation and realizes that due to his carelessness, he can’t. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

“How many songs are in there? Do they all sound like that?”

“I refuse to answer those questions knowing that everyone is going to know by tomorrow and it’s already embarrassing that you know about one of them.”

“Hey.” Seungcheol’s voice goes soft. He likes to tease, but he recognizes touchy subjects when he broaches them. “Sorry. I didn’t realize. You know you can talk to me, right?”

Jihoon side eyes him. “I don’t want to admit how I feel about her to you when she hasn’t even heard all the songs on there.”

“What’s the folder for?”

“Just… inspiration.” Jihoon leans back further in his chair. “The songs on the upcoming album have come out of there. At least the less… perverted ones did.”

“There are other songs like that.” Seungcheol tries not to sound too surprised.

Jihoon’s cheeks are so warm that he takes a sip of his iced coffee. “Lately… yeah.”

“Have you…” Seungcheol shakes his head. “No. How could you? You always come home for Eunha.”

At this, Jihoon looks at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well… just that if you guys were having sex, you wouldn’t come straight home to your daughter, would you? Not when all of us would know.” Seungcheol narrows his eyes. “Right?”

Jihoon doesn’t even know how to respond to that except with the truth. “Fine. No. We haven’t yet.”

“Because of her or because of you.”

“Things are going slow. I don’t know… how to broach the topic.”

“Why can’t showing up to her door with passionate kisses be enough?”

“And what? Leave Eunha with you guys overnight?”

“Yeah, why not?”

So, Jihoon does just that and it turns out so much better than he expected.

“Why does this shirt,” he mutters between kisses, “have so many buttons?”

She giggles against his lips and steadies his hands in hers. “You’re excited. Like a child. Calm down.”

Jihoon hums, obsessed with the taste of her lips and her hands around his. She guides him through the motion of unbuttoning her shirt. Once they’re undone, he pulls away slightly. She tips her head. Jihoon is gentle with her shirt, sliding it off her shoulders. Her eyes watch him the entire time, watch him admire her body as the fabric falls to the floor. His hands start from the sides of her thighs up her body, skimming over her underwear, and holding her under the arms, hands right by her breasts.

“You’re really gonna tease,” she chuckles. She closes the distance between them, kissing him and fumbling with his shirt. His shirt is easy, his sweatpants he practically steps out of. It’s once they’re both just standing in their underwear that she stops him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Jihoon kisses her shoulder and up her neck to the base of her jaw. “Why would I want to stop?”

“Eunha?” she hums. The child’s face is prominent in her mind, but becomes hazy every time Jihoon sucks a spot on her neck.

“She adores you. Which gives me permission to also adore you.”

She smirks, arms wrapping around Jihoon’s neck to force him back to her lips. “I’m glad I pass the test.”

Jihoon scoops her up and carries her to the couch. She gasps in surprise, which forces him away again. Spread along the couch are a lot of her art supplies. When she turns back to him, there’s a grin on her face.

“I wasn’t expecting you to jump me tonight. I was planning to paint, so…”

“Do you want to clean first?” he chuckles.

She shrugs.

Jihoon snorts and picks her shirt up off the floor and hands it to her. As much as he wants to sleep with her, it seems tonight may not be the night. He finds his sweatpants and pulls them on then helps her move her art stuff. He sits on the coffee table while she manoeuvres her piece from the floor to the desk.

“Do you want to paint?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “I want to spend time with you.” She moves some stuff to make space for her piece.

“Do you want to teach me to paint?”

She peers over her shoulder at him. “Really?”

“Well, I’m impossible to teach, but I don’t want to leave yet.” Jihoon glances at her bare torso, as she hasn’t bothered to button the top. “And I like the view.”

She rolls her eyes, an amused smile on her face. “Are idols allowed to say stuff like that?”

Jihoon looks around her home. “Unless you have a listening device and turn me in, I’m confident to say how I feel about you.”

A smile blooms on her face at hearing that. She pulls one of her watercolour pads off the desk and motions for him to join her on the floor. She flips past the first two pages, but Jihoon still catches glimpses of them.

He grabs her wrist to stop her. “Were those of Eunha and me?”

“Oh.” She tilts her head and flips back. “Yeah.” The first page is from the night he had come over to learn to cook. The second was their first date.

Jihoon looks to her expectantly and she can only shrug.

“I draw what I like.”

Jihoon doesn’t know why he finds that embarrassing, but his ears feel warm.

She tips her head back in a laugh. “Of everything that’s happened tonight, Jihoonie, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed to hear that I like you.” She returns to the one with Eunha on it and pulls the sheet. “I wanted to give it to you, but I thought maybe it would be creepy if you knew I was painting you and your daughter from memory.”

Jihoon stares at the paintings. He can see Eunha’s expression in them; how happy she had been with the meal and the dessert. If this is what he’d look like that night, he had been extremely relaxed. His finger traces over the skin, amazed at how seamless it appears.

When his eyes lift to meet hers, she seems surprised to see tears.

“What’s wrong?”

Jihoon shakes his head. “Nothing.”

She slides closer to him and her thumb brushes his tears away. “You’re crying.”

Jihoon sighs and his head tips back, as he tries to keep the tears in. “I… it’s just that…” Jihoon’s gaze rests on her again. “No one else has seen Eunha like this. The members do, but they helped me raise her. Which is why sometimes she’s an absolute menace.”

She smiles.

“But…” Jihoon studies the painting, at his baby so beautifully depicted. “I don’t know. This kind of reminds me that maybe I’m doing okay if she looks like this.”

“Jihoon, you’re doing great. She’s happy and she loves you.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m failing her all the time, and…” The tears appear again. “And I feel like I lost some of who I am, because I had her.”

She eases the sheet of paper out of his hands. Jihoon uncrosses his legs so she can move between them, draping her legs over his thighs. Her hands plant on the floor between them as she leans forward to press kisses to his face. His eyes close at the sensation. “Jihoon, she is all you. Your music is who you are. You live and breathe Seventeen. Just because you became a father doesn’t mean you lost any piece of the Jihoon that was there before she existed.”

Jihoon lifts a hand to the back of her neck to pull her closer. Painting is put on the back burner, as they get lost in the feeling of kissing each other. Jihoon’s legs curl behind her to prevent her from moving away. His free hand slips inside her shirt and finds home on her hip. His thumb moves back and forth across the skin there.

Meanwhile, her hands have pulled him as close she can get him, her fingers tangling in his hair. When she gives the hair at the base of his neck a small tug, he groans. This lets her slip her tongue into his mouth. He tastes like her coffee, unsurprisingly enough. And she has to admit, it tastes better on his tongue than in the cup.

She can feel his growing hard on through his sweatpants. When she pulls away to breathe, she asks, “So we’re not painting then?”

Jihoon hums something incoherent, because she latches her lips against his neck.

“Wait,” he breathes.

She slows her assault on his neck, but doesn’t stop.

“No hickies.”

“Simple enough,” she breathes against his skin.

Jihoon finds himself falling back onto the floor as her kisses trail all over his body. Her hands explore every muscle and memorize them. Jihoon enjoys the treatment, his eyes closing while he lets his other sense take over. She wiggles him out of his sweatpants again and then returns to his lips.

“Bed?” She adjusts her body over his, putting pressure against him, which makes it impossible for him to reply.

Jihoon looks up at her and his eyes are dark, pupils blown wide. She sucks a spot on the soft skin near his jaw, but stops before it can leave a mark. He manages to roll them over.

“You’re making it really hard to think.”

She slides a leg between his, which seems just enough friction for him to grimace. “You’re thinking with something else.”

“Where’s your bed?”

Her eyes dart to her left. He helps her to standing and then lifts her. Her legs wrap around his waist. If there had been other objects in the way, he would have knocked into all of them, because she starts kissing him again. And it seems like his brain shuts off as soon as she does that. He presses her against her bedroom wall and when he ruts against her, her breath catches.

“So, you are needy.”

“Lee Jihoon, you are literally between my legs,” she manages between kisses. “Yes, I’m needy.”

Jihoon pulls away for a moment. “But you’ve seemed so calm and collected tonight.”

She rolls her eyes and gently kisses his cheeks before saying, “If I was ready to pounce on you when you walked in here, would you have wanted to fuck me?”

Jihoon jumps at the blatant term, but he pivots so that he can lay her on the bed. One of his hand sneaks between her legs, his other arm propping his body over hers, and drags his fingers over the fabric. When she squirms beneath his touch, he says, “Maybe not. But… I’ve wanted this a while.” He meets her gaze. “So I don’t think too much have scared me away tonight.”

Her head tilts back as he begins to rub his fingers in circles. He watches her carefully.

“Stop staring,” her breath hitches, “and kiss me.”

Jihoon smirks. “Make me.”

She snakes a hand behind his head to pull him down towards her. Her kisses stutter depending on the speed of his fingers. His kisses trail down to her neck and nibbles the soft skin on her collar bone. She presses her hands into his shoulders to try to keep her bearings. When he kisses back up her neck and sucks the soft spot of her jaw and she moans something beautiful, he knows that’s a sound he’s going to have in his mind long after this is over.

He slows his fingers down. “How close are you?”

Her breath is heavy; she can’t even answer him. Her rut up into his hand is good indication though.

Two of her orgasms and one of his later, he returns from the bathroom with a washcloth and gently cleans her off. Then he lies on top of her again, her hands go to massage his temples.

“So, you’re going to tell your daughter we… coloured when you came over today?” she teases.

Jihoon rests his cheek against her chest, listening to her heartbeat slowing down after the exertion. “I told her she was staying with the members because I was coming over here for a play date.”

She laughs. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

Jihoon can’t help but smile as he falls asleep.

#woozi #woozi scenarios #woozi imagines #lee jihoon scenarios #Lee Jihoon #seventeen scenarios #Seventeen #seventeen imagines #Svt

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the-kaedageist · 3 years

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2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

Oops this has been sitting in my drafts for a few days...lol. Tagged by @mithrilwren and @ariadne-mouse! 😘

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I produced more in 2020 in terms of number-of-fic-wise than I did ever before (although NOT in terms of wordcount, haha). Let’s see what I’ve got here!

Also, warning: I wrote a LOT of romantic fjorclay/cadwulf before the Caduceus-is-aro reveal and I’m not going to shy away from linking it here, so if that is something upsetting to you, please do any skipping this post/avoiding those links that you need to in order to be kind to yourself.

1. no man is an island (but we sure are on one): my absolute favorite fic I wrote this year after a YEAR fanfic-writing drought. This was written during the hiatus and it’s absolutely whimsical and delightful and everything I wanted from fjorclay at the place where it was left. I still love this fic dearly, and it makes me sad that nobody reads it anymore, although I completely understand why. It will always have a special place in my heart!

2. the people bowed and prayed (to the neon god they made): this fic was written in an absolute fever dream after the Lucien reveal, and I LOVE everything about it even though a lot of it has been retconned now. This was everything I wanted from a Lucien arc summarized in 5k words, and it delights me that despite it being absolute gen (with HINTS of widomauk) and being completely AU at this point, it still gets kudos here and there. I’m so glad people are still interested in my interpretation of what could have been. Canon has even delivered on a few of the things I hypothesized, although Lucien having Molly’s memories and just being a different person is not one of them. It was SO fun to write in this verse though.

3. fools give you reasons, wise men never try: ah, remember the Cadwulf three weeks when we all dove head first into this ridiculous pairing? This was my offering to those moments, and I had SO much fun exploring a romantic interlude between these two. One of the best things about this fic is although I didn’t disclaim that I’d headcanoned Cad as gray ace (and used this fic to explore my own relationship with romance a little bit), a commenter replied and said it was so familiar to their experiences being ace as well. What a compliment! Even though I know it’s disrespectful to continue to write alloromantic-ace Caduceus, I’m so thankful for the months I had to explore my own experiences through this amazing character.

4. Ersatz: this was Widomauk written for @ariadne-mouse and I had SO much fun with it. This was written before the Lucien reveal, and I really enjoyed exploring Molly’s feelings of disconnect from the present M9 and how he used unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with that. Something about this was just a really interesting premise to explore. (This entire list just makes it really obvious that I’m a big ol’ Taliesin Jaffe stan).

5. The fifth item hasn’t actually been posted anywhere yet because I’m still working on it! But I’m in the middle of writing a really cool Jester/Astrid fic (currently at ~3k as of the new year) and I’m really excited about it. However, I definitely need to flesh it out a bit more before posting. Stay tuned!

Everyone who I would have tagged has already been tagged by one of our mutuals I believe, so go wild, anyone who wants to do this!

#writing #fanfic #questionnaires #me #my fics #critical role #fjorclay #cadwulf #widomauk #lucien #jastrid #jestrid

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maddiefriendlovesbilly · 4 years

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Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

#spencer x ghost #jess writes #ishhhhh???????#venturiantale #venturiantale pie #johnny ghost #spencer acachalla #johnny toast #jimmy casket #fred spooker #let me know if you enjoyed this or not it was intense #sr #ship review #ship reviews #vt ships #vt ship reviews #vt ship review #vt sr

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nancypullen · 3 years

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Kilt-y as Charged

My family has always been able to trace my mother’s lineage to Denmark and Germany as far back as the 1400′s. It wasn’t hard, my great-grandmother Emelia arrived in New York harbor on the passenger ship Washington in 1873, fresh from Denmark with her mother and siblings. They proceeded from there out to the Nebraska plains where her father, Christen Rasmussen had already started plowing and creating a homestead. She married into the Link family, and all you have to do is google John Jacob Link to find the long and interesting story of my ancestors in Germany. Though the Links of Grossgartach, Germany did quite well, John Jacob (Hans Jacob Linckh) crossed oceans at the ripe old age of 50 because he’d decided he was tired of almost constant warfare, taxes that were only used to fill palaces, and the never-ending battle between Catholics and protestants. At least that’s how the story goes. The Rasmussens and Links prospered in America (google Dr. Harvey Link of Nebraska, physician, innovator, and state representative - that’s my great-great-grandfather) and eventually a Link married a Holtz (another German) and my mother was born. We have my Danish and German side all wrapped up. Recently sheer boredom drove me to try and untangle the mystery of my paternal line. It’s not that there were secrets, it’s just that my maiden name is McGlaughn and when trying to track documents that include land deeds, immigration records, death certificates, etc I’ve found some very creative spellings of the name. I descend from McGlaughon, McGlaun, McGlon, McGlauhon, and I even found a record where it was spelled Meglehon. These are all children from the same parents, check out the various spellings of the last name.

That’s what I’ve been up against. BUT...and you knew there was a but..I did it! By working backwards and only adding a name to the tree once I’d verified the correct dates, places, relatives, and so on, I found the first McGlaughn relative to step foot in America. His name was Jeremiah McGlaughon, born in Scotland in 1695 to John McGlaughon and his wife, Jane O’Cane. I haven’t yet found the year that he arrived in America, but he died in 1740 in Bertie County, North Carolina leaving behind land, cattle, hogs, sheep, horses, and a family whose records pop up from Valley Forge to the present. I found a handful of Revolutionary War soldiers, and as many from the wrong side of the Civil War. Here’s an inventory of Jeremiah’s spread in 1740, pretty sure this was for his will.

I know you can’t see much from this photo. When I was reading it I had to zoom in and go line by line. Can we just appreciate the beautiful handwriting? What a lost art. I can’t tell you how happy I was to see books listed in his inventory.

Anywho, after digging and digging and a long conversation with my sister googling on the other end - I’m pretty sure that Jeremiah came from Lanarkshire, Scotland. I think his wife, Jane Howell (married in Bertie,NC) came from Wiltshire, England. I haven’t verified this yet, but I *think* this is her baptismal record from 1700.

We’re so fortunate that millions of documents have been scanned and uploaded so that people can search archives from all over the world. I have found draft cards, land deeds, wills, marriage licenses, and immigration records. It will probably take months to wade through everything and assign each document to the right person, but I love solving puzzles. Look at these gems.

Here’s the record of Caroline Rasmussen arriving in America with her children in tow.

Caroline - age 33 - woman Hans - male child -11 Rasmus -male child- 6 Anine - female child - age 9 Mathilde -female child- age 4 (That’s my great-grandmother, Mathilde Emilia!) Laurentina - female child - 11 months Can you even imagine? A young mother and five children, one of them not yet a year old, leaving everything familiar and crossing the ocean? It looks like she traveled with other Rasmussen relatives, so that had to be a comfort. I was really excited when I uncovered the baptismal record for Caroline and then the record of her marriage to Christen. Then I remembered that I don’t read Danish.

Oops. You can still get helpful info - when I found Christen Rasmussen’s confirmation in church records it provided his birthplace. I’m sure we already have that tidbit filed away somewhere, but if you’re just beginning a search those are the tasty clues that move you forward.

I won’t bore you with more details of a family that you don’t know or care about. Besides, I have to get back to my search and keep fleshing out my McGlaughn/McGlaughon/McGlaun/McGlon/McGlahon/Meglohon line. So far I know that: John McGlaughon & Jane O’Cane of Lanarkshire,Scotland begat Jeremiah and his brothers Malachi and James. Jeremiah McGlaughon & Jane Howell begat Edmond and siblings Edmond McGlauhon & Angelica Jane Butler begat William and siblings William McGlahon & Ann Gaskin begat Jeremiah and siblings Jeremiah McGlauhon had FOUR wives - Elizabeth Capeheart (also spelled Kapott in some records), Nancy Baker, Matilda Webb Fogerty, and Nancy Parker As you can imagine, there was a litter of kids, but my ancestor came from his union with Nancy Baker. So, Jeremiah & Nancy #1 begat James Jackson McGlaughn. James Jackson “Jack” McGlaughn married Mary Loretta Eady who is listed as “Cherokee Indian”. They had a few kids and because life was harder on women back then, Mary died. Jack then married Nancy Jane Noble, and together they made my great-grandfather John Pinkston McGlaughn. John Pinkston McGlaughn married Lavada Sanders, had some babies, and Lavada (you guessed it) died. Along came Lela Fields Carter with her daughter Alice and married John and had a few more kids. My grandfather was from the first union with Lavada. He was a horrible, awful, disgusting, sorry excuse for a human being and his name was William Jasper McGlaughn. William Jasper McGlaughn married Jessie Bell Lett and produced six offspring, one of them was my father, John Paskle McGlaughn. He met and married an Idaho beauty, Marilyn Holtz, and all because those brave ancestors stepped onto boats and decided to give America a try, here I am. It’s both humbling and fascinating to see documents with the beautiful, swirling signatures of some of those who came before me. I don’t know all of their stories, I only have names and dates right now. But if not for them I wouldn’t be sitting in my warm, cozy home in Tennessee, searching the internet for what they left behind. My life has undoubtedly been far easier than theirs, don’t we all stand on the shoulders of our ancestors and benefit from their courage and hard work? Of course, we also sometimes have to recover from the poor decisions and cruelty of unsavory characters in our family trees. We’re all threads in a tapestry. That being said, my DNA swab continues to be refined and as it turns out, I’m exactly what family lore has said I would be. I’m a big ol’ hodge podge of European ancestors like most Americans.

Northwestern Europe - Germany and Denmark, check. Scotland and England - check. Various sprinklings for flavor - check. I’m happy like the Danish and frugal like the Scots. German stereotypes are hardworking, efficient, and disciplined. I totally missed that boat. Can’t win ‘em all. Okay, I’ll wrap this up. If you stuck it out to the end pleas reward yourself. This whole post was just me thinking out loud and making my case for a trip to Scotland. Pretty sure the motherland is calling me home.

I mean, the place is full of these adorable Highland Cows! I could bring one home as a souvenir!

I’m afraid if I go I’ll never come home, Jeremiah’s journey would all be for naught. So that’s it. I really am wrapping this up.

I swear, I’m done. Stay safe and stay well, ya wee smasher!

Done. XOXO - Nancy

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floralgothpersephone · 4 years

Text

Countdown

Sooooo.... several.... um months ago, I was tagged by @jaygirl987 and this has just been sitting in my drafts... forever??? oops. Oh well, I am feeling in an over-sharing mood. So I am going to do it now. Felt confident in sharing, might delete later. Response is below the cut, because we are writing essays tonight.

Rules: List 1 Insecurity, 2 Fears, 3 Turn-ons, 4 Life Goals, 5 Things I like, 6 Weaknesses, 7 Things I Love, 8 Tags I am going to tag: @akai-vampire, @claudeng80, @bookloverfio, @bigprincess-energy, @peachdoxie, @ruleofexception, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @anais-mitchell

ONE Insecurity:

---People who meet me for the first time always say I am remarkable. But I don’t really agree with that at all, I still don’t understand where people get that from. I feel very desperately flawed and a moderately dysfunctional human doing my damned best with what I’ve got, and isn’t that just a normal state of being for everyone making their way in this life. And if people say I am remarkable, and it turns out to be true, then does that mean I am not normal??? How is everyone else living their life then? What am I doing wrong??? or right?? or differently??? How do I bottle up this whole remarkable thing and share it with everyone else?? Being called remarkable makes me fear for everyone else. Because if i am struggling this much, and people still seem to think I am amazing then does that mean everyone else who is struggling is failing in some reguard? I have met so many other people in the world who are just as special as me, and if i am raised above that then what about all those other people? Aren’t they remarkable too? Kinda takes away the meaning of remarkable then, if everyone else is also remarkable. I don’t know. Every time I meet someone new and they call me remarkable it makes my skin crawl. What sort of face are they seeing me wear that makes it happen so often? I just try and be myself, and stay true to who I am in any given moment but then that makes their statement have more power? I hate it. Nothing makes me more insecure. I can go from full blown confidence down to nothing the moment someone says that about me. I know I am odd and don’t quite function right in society, and have a very different perspective on it because of my dysfunction, but that shouldn’t make me remarkable. There are too many other people in this world for me to be remarkable.

TWO Fears:

---I may never get to see Amber Gray perform Persephone in Hadestown

---Cockroaches. Turns out I have an actual phobia of cockroaches.

THREE “turn-ons”:

---Silly Antics, like sheer outrageous, ridiculous things that make you laugh until you cry. Like, I fall in love a little bit with everyone who has ever made me laugh. So like, the more you make me the laugh the more I look at that and go, “mhm tasty”. Also, if we are not laughing at some point during sex then what even is the point???

--- Loyalty, Reliability and just being supportive and a good friend. Like, I am very much very very demisexual and while I can look at people and love their look and their aesthetics and be attracted to that, I need a very firm established relationship for like... years, before I am ever actually interested in letting them into my bed. I need some definite proof that they are in this for the long run before I can let my sexuality come into play.

---Being crafty and creative. Seeing someone make a very nice craft gets me all worked up in ways I can’t quite describe. But every time a partner of mine starts a project and is making things I want to jump their b o n e s.

FOUR Life Goals:

---Get my ass to fucking Greece and like. Stay there. For months. And just travel??? And like, take my time, no rushing around to do every single thing. I want to go to these places and be there for so long that I can just sit and be.

---B a b i e s. Dear lordy if you look at every major decision i have ever made in my life, it has all lead up to the fact that I want to have kids, and I want to have a family in a very specific supportive and stable way and I need to complete these things before i can have my kids. BUT BOY THE HORMONES ARE STRONG AND I WANT THEM NOW.

---Can I put travel twice? Travel is so important to me. I have to see the world, I need to map it. I need to see all the different types of humans and cultures there are in the world and I need to experience what there is in this life before its all over.

---I have this home I like to dream about, its constantly changing, but its small, while having enough space to breathe, covered in plants, an entire wall that is just a bookcase to store the entirety of Alex and I’s mug collection (we are looking at least 80 mugs between the two of us currently). A claw foot bathtub in a room full of windows that is just a glorified greenhouse really. comfy reading nooks and places for play, covered in nothing but soft blankets and cushioned seats. A cat or two lounging around among all the soft places in the sun light. Walls covered in cork boards so that I can pin up hundreds of pictures of the family I have built for myself. Little foot steps running around from kids playing, and having my partners home with me to cook and raise the little ones together in a family and a community. I just. I just want that little domestic haven of something calm and secure that I never got to have growing up in my life.

FIVE Things I Like:

---Pottery! (my craft of choice, I’ve been making pots for 17 years now and it never gets old)

---Plants! (I live in a small jungle! I’m a plant witch! I love my plants! They are my only friends some days! But thats okay, I take care of them and in return they take care of me.)

---Places! (I’m a map maker, I love learning about the identity of a location both on a map and within the human mind. How amazing that a collection of humans create an identity for a geographical space separate from other all the other geographical spaces. That’s wild! I want to learn what makes them all different forever!)

---Purple! (My hair is purple, its been purple since I started grad school! I flirted with pink hair and orange hair last year to try on different types of variety and see how that fit but I am back to purple and I am back to my normal skin! My purple hair is the source of my internal confidence and a major point of my identity)

---Music! (I am not sure I would ever be able to navigate my own mental landscape without the aid of music guiding me through all my different emotions and feelings so that I could have a safe place to experience them without fear of repercussion)

SIX Weaknesses:

---I over think everything (case and point, this post, whoops)

---An open opportunity. Like, if I am given an opportunity suddenly that wasn’t previously available and wouldn’t be available in the future, I will move mountains to make it happen. If I see a window to be able to do something with a time limit I am jumpin as fast as I can to get through that window before it closes. I think its because I grew up with zero opportunities in my life when I was little so somewhere in my bones I believe that every opportunity I get is rare and special thing and if I don’t take it now then I won’t ever get another one. Sometimes its exhausting but I can’t honestly say there is a list of things that I could have done that I didn’t? I have very little regrets in that regard.

---I am willing to see and recognized my flawed personality traits, but rarely ever actually do anything to fix them. I am a big of a believer in accepting yourself with all the flaws (part of the side effects of recovering from perfectionism) but that mentality has a different problem... in which you are so comfortable with the problems that you don’t have any desire to fix them? Yeah.

---Um, I have a major weakness for brown eyed, brunette girls and have fallen waaaay too hard for too many of them in my life for it to not be a thing (that Alex teases me relentlessly about). Honestly the list is long, but good news. Fiona is on that list. <3

---Potential. I have a weakness for potential, sometimes that manifests in craft materials. (Oh I could make this into this other thing!) So I have quite the collection of crafting hoards. I rarely buy plants when they are big because I am far more interested in getting a small plant because of it its potential to grow into something. I love love love love working in clay because there is just SO MUCH potential for it to become really ANYTHING???? Its amazing!!! Like, if you imagine in there is a way to make it real. And I am obsessed with that feeling.

--- I have a weakness for cream. I like half and half in my tea. I like whipped cream on my waffles. I like straight up cream on my strawberries. I like clotted cream on scones. I like creamy milkshakes. The creamiest of cheeses. If its a cream based sauce I’m in. Just. Cream.

SEVEN Things I Love:

I just now realized that there is a difference in the lists for “like” and “love” LOL there is no difference to me. I have no moderation, I either love something with my whole heart or not at all. So lets wax some poetry on things I have already listed, because the things I like I also love.

--- Okay, pottery, so like, Pottery is amazing??? Because you take dirt!!! like muddy gross squishy dirt!!!! and you mold it into something you like???? And then you FIRE IT!!! Like how metal is that???? You are creating something from DIRT. And on top of that, it lasts FOREVER. like, people hundreds of years from now are gonna be digging up our civilization and our computers are going to be dead, our papers and paintings: dead, our books? Hopefully not dead. But whats going to be left is our city foundations, our places, our trash and our shitty broken pots. And goddamn, I am obsessed with looking around our world and just IMAGINING what these people in the far off future are gonna think. And there isn’t a single piece of pottery that I make in which I am not thinking those exact thoughts and trying to imagine what that person in the future is going to be like when they find this.

--- And on that note, places are just so fricking cool. Because I grew up in a mono-culture where the majority of the population belonged to the same culture and the identity of the place was a direct reflection of the people. But other places have SO MUCH DIVERSITY and I am just amazed and inspired about how you can take SO MANY PEOPLE from SO MANY DIFFERENT CULTURES and pack them all into a city, and then that city becomes its own culture??? and has its own Identity??? Like, New Yorkers, those people come from fucking everywhere on the entire planet, and YET everyone knows there is a New York culture that is just agreed upon? And New York has an cohesive identity to how it functions, and how it works. Just. How amazing is that. And Minneapolis, jeez, bless Minneapolis. Because it has the midwestern identity but its developing one all on its own. And it doesn’t have a National presence yet, so in a lot of ways its just developing its identity for the world and its just so amazing to see all the different ways that people provide input on how they want their city to develop, and with each step it comes closer and closer to a face it wants to display to the world??? Its like, seeing a teenage, trying out who they want to be and developing them self to become a real adult. And goddamnit I want to see Minneapolis into a fully mature Nationally known city. I can’t wait.

---So plants, are like. The best therapy. Because plants don’t really talk, well okay I think they do, BUT PHYSICALLY, they don’t talk. And so in order to figure out what they need to you have to listen to them in a very different way then humans are used to?? You have to observe, and check-in and interact and just learn about a plant so that you can care for it. And I think thats exactly how humans are too, except we have this obnoxious thing called talking that sometimes make it difficult to actually figure out what is going on down below. Its easy for someone to say they are fine when they really are not. But plants don’t get to say that they are fine. When they suffer they do so silently and while they may want to scream for more water they have to let you know in other ways, drooping, changing color, dropping all its leaves in protest. And thats the other thing about plants too, is that every type of plant asks for help differently? How amazing is that. You have to get to know the plant on an individual level, there is no “one way fits all” fix-it for plant care. You have to know your plant. You don’t have to know all the plants in the world, just the ones you take into your care. And thats just so symbolic for me. And when I am taking care of my plants, I am taking care of myself too. Water for the plants, water for the Becca. Sunlight for the plants, sunlight for the Becca. Extra boost of fertilizer for the plants, extra boost of vitamins for the Becca. And I love my plants, even with their imperfections and wild ways of growing. Sometimes they get a whole lotta attitude in how they grow, and it isn’t picture perfect, but that doesn’t matter. Cause thats my plant! And its growing and thriving and I am so happy that its doing well! It doesn’t need to be the prettiest plant that ever existed. It just needs to live. And damn thats all I need.

---Purple is just an amazing color. Like everyone has heard the poetry talking about the richness and royalty and the history that the color purple has. But for me? Purple was a color I was immediately drawn to as a kid for no apparent reason but that I liked it. And I was not allowed, because the color purple was Barney colors and my parents were so very concerned that the other kids would torment me (spoilers, the kids found other reasons to torment me, and I was just denied being allowed to wear my favorite color). And then there was the instance of my grandmother, who, lets be honest, doesn’t win any “good grandparent” awards. And she LOATHS the color purple. Just thinks its really ugly. And took every chance to tell me that whenever I went shopping with her or if she wanted to get me a gift and was looking for input. So i went through all these stages when I was little, only being allowed to like pink, but then internalized misogyny said that was dumb so then I chose blue to be my favorite color while completely denying that what I wanted was purple. So yeah. By the time college came around and I was an “adult” (lol) I was just like. Fuck this shit no one can tell me what I am allowed to like and claimed purple for everything in my life. and I mean. e v e r y t h i n g. Backpack? Purple. Every piece of clothing I owned? Purple. Jackets? Purple. ipod? Purple. Does the object come in purple? Yes. Well then that is the correct answer. When I broke down and finally dyed my hair purple (like I have wanted to do since I was little, but again, I was not allowed and can you imagine being a non-mormon kid in the little valley with purple hair in high school??? Fuck I would have been the anti-christ of all sinners.) But in Minneapolis it seemed like it would be far more acceptable and wouldn’t result in immediate social disgrace. So I did it. I graduated my undergrad and dyed my hair purple because I could. And it changed my entire life. No more wall-flowering. No more hiding in the shadows praying no one notices that you don’t quite belong. No more pretending that you don’t exist so that people can walk all over you as they pass by. When you have a wildly different color hair, you have to own it. There is no “oh haha, whoops” about it. You made that decision, you put the color in your hair with that intention. And now its there to stay until you cut it all off. And that was the kick in the butt for me. That was the thing I need to own my own self and to lay claim to my voice. And for a while, it wasn’t easy. It was learning a whole new skillset. And there was definitely a major time span that was just “fake it until you make it”. But I kept faking it for the sake of my purple hair, because every time I looked into the mirror it made me so happy I could cry. I wasn’t looking a the mirror nitpicking my reflection any more. I was just joyful, because my hair was purple and I loved it. So every time someone made a comment whether it was good or bad, I would be dying on the inside from having the attention on me. But I would pull out the big ole grin of joy that I wasn’t really feeling and be like “Yeah isn’t it great! Its my favorite color!” And the good comments would be happy for me, and the bad comments would be thrown off by my enthusiasm and usually go away. And at one point that big joyful grin wasn’t just a farce, and now, 9 years later, working for the federal government and people try and make a jab at my hair, I can just laugh and tell them how much fun having colorful hair is. And that they should give it a try too.

#Becca rambles #Becca rants #Becca does a tag game #and writes a full essay instead #But tonight we were feeling reflective #and usually I would just journal but eh I am isolated enough right now #thought i would share whats going on in my brain #will absolutely delete later

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clevercatchphrase · 4 years

Text

2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1) Pay off all my student loans 2) Finish some song comics 3) Make art for my Redbubble account 4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5) Practice ASL 6) Sew some stuffed animals 7) Finish some fan fictions 8) Work on Ghost Switch 9) AMVs 10) Do some original writing 11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1) Finish paying off that last student loan 2) Put more stuff on my redbubble 3) Illustrate my own fan fics 4) Sew at least one stuffed animal 5) Make an enamel pin 6) Read one new book a month 7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10) Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

#new year's resolutions #year in review #long post #(seriiously this think is like 3k words)

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trenchcoatkitten · 4 years

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So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST)

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue.

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks.

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice)

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me.

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers!

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it?

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours.

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good.

ily :’)

#my writing #dont open this unless you're ready #its like 1.5k words long #I WENT OFF #i have so many feelings ok #i have so so so many feelings #thank you so much for sending me an ask #i love you nonny #sami answers

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hazzabeeforlou · 5 years

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11 questions

Yes I did this a bit ago but @helloamhere (thank you, ily, have fun bussing around Europe, did that once, had to follow apple maps to know where to get off ‘cause I speak ZERO German...) tagged me and I’m an anxious mess waiting for medical news today so WHY NOT!

Rules: answer 11 questions then pose 11 of your own.

1. What do you think fanfic does better than published fiction (if anything?)

Okay obvious answer and not very high brow, but SMUT. You will not see me perusing the gay aisles of Barnes and Noble romance novels :) For various reasons :)

2. What do you think it does worse

I think (maybe it’s just this fandom) overall it’s quite a bit more sanitary than novels, both in morality and subject matter. I hate to think what the purity police would say about some of the books I’ve read... especially the old ones? But then I usually come here looking for fluff and happiness too so perhaps that’s just the major draw of fanfic, idk.

3. What’s something another fandom has or does that you wish your fandom had or did?

To be honest I’m not well versed in other fandoms, but I’m going to go with I wish this fandom didn’t have constant infighting. Seriously in all my born days I have never seen a group of people claim such a similar goal and yet devour each other so viciously. Hence I usually avoid anything incredibly explosive or triggering here; I deal with and confront radical people (religious extremists, right wing extremists) in my everyday life and I cannot bring myself to turn my escapism into that same vortex of endless arguing, though I appreciate and support those who fight the fight. I often have very sharp opinions and fall to one side or the other of the fault line, but I draw a personal boundary at a point.

4. Do you consider yourself a “fandom” type of person in general, or committed to only one, and if so, tell me more about what this means to you.

I have been a HUGE fandom person my entire life, though this is the first time I’ve ever been in a community for it. Star Wars and Narnia consumed most of my adolescence, along with Lord of the Rings. I briefly dabbled in Dr. Who and Merlin (as one does) but because I didn't read HP until nearly the end of college, I kindof missed out on that one. Basically anything geeky or fantasy driven I have always loved, and I can’t really explain how I ended up here? But this is the only fandom I’m active in socially. The power of HL I guess...

5. I’m trying to get through writing a first draft right now and it’s a slog. How do you stay motivated for long projects, writing or otherwise?

Ah. A call out question! Like any good Aries, I love starting new things! And then letting them to languish unfinished. I have, however, trained in classical music, and thus I’ve programmed myself to just keep doing the thing because pieces take months and months and months to perfect and if you can’t stick with a project, you go nowhere. I also operate on a reward system, as in writing is the reward for practicing, then when I’m sick of words I go back to music, and so the turn tables. I have learned to ignore (I’m great at ostrich-ing) the crushing self doubt of creativity and just bulldoze ahead and do the thing, which results in very messy first drafts and often bad habits in my musical technique and a tendency to overplay, which wastes energy, but rehearsals wait for no one. I also thrive on last minute deadlines!

6. Tell me about what you read as a kid. Favorite book? Or if you weren’t into reading then, favorite TV show, etc?

I HAVE SO MANY. Narnia was my first love. I also adored George MacDonald (At The Back of the North Wind is a fucking masterpiece). My mom hardly let me read Redwall (see: hints of magic) but when she caved I devoured all of those. Anne of Green Gables. American Girl stuff (lots of it, yes Josefina and Kaya were my faves). I read far too many Star Wars expanded universe novels (New Jedi Order shaped me as a person, esp Traitor). I remember reading all the Eragon series, though these were dubiously approved... and I read various classics, as one is supposed to. In high school I printed out the entire Beowulf in Old English, got a CD of a dude reading it, and proceeded to memorize the first several lines. I can still recite Anglo Saxon but I have no clue what it means (see: I’m a good mimic). Everything non-Christian-magic-related I read during or after college, sigh.

7. Have your tastes changed?

This sounds bad but not really. I rarely read non fiction, oops. Biographies are a slog for me. I dislike historical fiction and I don’t have a good reason for that. I do love a good mystery, but usually not in book form (audio or visual Agatha Christie is my mana). I do adore socio-policial books, though (The Better Angels of our Nature a good example) or books doing a deep dive into a historical topic. These days I enjoy a good satire more than much else, and since I started on Terry Pratchett in 2016 I haven’t looked back.

8. I’ll steal your question above--tell me about a fic that changed you, or became a “touchstone” fic that you go back to!!

I didn’t read fics period when I entered the fandom, and stubbornly maintained that for a while, but the fic that changed my mind was (Take Me Home) Country Roads by @a-writerwrites (Awriterwrites). I read it during a drive through the very parts of the USA it’s set in, and I couldn’t put it down, spotty internet be damned. From there @horsegirlharry birthed me into the gay 1D world, though I can’t for the life of me remember which of hers I first read! (Does it matter? They’re all so beautiful...)

9. Tell me about a WIP, if applicable. How’s it going?? It sounds great.

I’m plodding along on The Garden, it’s going well, but urgency isn’t a priority. It’s going to be one of those things that I finish and then go in and make matter because right now my ideas are half formed and I know I’ll eventually know where I’m going but it’s a case of blind trust in instinct at this point!

10. What’s your favorite place to read and sitting position?

Like a true gay I cannot sit normally in a chair, coupled with my pain issues means I’m usually draped over the back of something with a cushy lumbar support, massive pillow, or propped sideways lying down. I love reading outside, but have a tendency to attract bugs, also I’m very light sensitive so my eyes hate the sun, especially if I’m reading from a screen.

11. Do you feel like fic reading and writing is social for you? E.g. do you share with friends (in or outside of fandom), or are you a lone wolf seeking out your fics in the dead of night??

I LOVE the social aspect of fic reading and writing within fandom! I have shared PITS with only two real life friends though; I am very tight lipped about the fact that I write fic. People are cruel and musicians are judgmental arseholes and if I prefer to spend my days dreaming up love stories for my OTP instead of pouring over scores, that’s my fucking business.

Alright, 11 from me (I wanted to include artists too so!!):

1. Are you a start small-work larger type creator, or map everything out then attend to detail?

2. What style of art/writing has most influenced your creative choices? (Genre, time period, muse)

3. How long have you been writing/arting? Is this something you knew you’d do your whole life?

4. What is your favorite thing about creating for your fandom? (reception, excitement, newness, etc.)

5. Have you met any recent creative goals that you’re really proud of?

6. What is your creative baby; what work do you want stamped on your proverbial gravestone as I MADE THIS (or have you made it yet?)

7. Do outside forces (politics, culture, hegemonies) play into your creations? Do you intentionally or subconsciously subvert norms or explore ideas?

8. Your creative mind is a garden. Describe what kind it would be and what it would contain (i.e. rock garden, palace garden, wildflowers, rose... etc.)

9. Do you believe that creative art has power and if so, how do you hope yours impacts others?

10. I’m double stealing this question: what’s a fic or fan art that changed your life or was a touchstone for you?

11. If you could pick any hero of yours to read/look at your creations, who would it be and why?

TOTALLY only if you want to, but @13ways-of-looking @twopoppies @alienfuckeronmain @prettytruthsandlies @pattern-pals @newleafover @disgruntledkittenface @lesbianiconharrystyles @lululawrence

#writing stuff #about me

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callioope · 5 years

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Questions Meme!

Hello, yes, this HAS in fact been sitting in my drafts for ages and ages. Thank you to both @crazy-fruit and @ruby-red-inky-blue for tagging me and for waiting forever for me to answer (oops)! I’m sorry I took so long, but y’all ask really good questions and I had to think about some of them!

Question Set 1

1. How are you?

Oh, I’m doing alright! Thank you for asking. The earlier part of this year was rather rough, but therapy has been helping. I’ve been rather busy these past few weeks with traveling, and my schedule going forward is rather busy, too, so while I’m excited for those things, I’m also excited for the eventual moment I can just relax.

2. What would you say are your talents?

Writing. Making fancy color-coded spreadsheets. I’ve been told that my super power is getting random (annoying) songs stuck in other people’s heads. Does that count as a talent?

3. If you had the chance to start your life again, would you take it?

NOPE. No thanks. I like where I am at right now, and I would not want to relive my awkward years. Er, at least, my more awkward, younger years. Cuz I’m totally still awkward. Just less awkward. I hope?

4. Which language would you like to speak instantly?

HMM. ALL OF THEM. It’s really hard to choose!

Language fascinates me, and in another life I feel like I would have devoted a lot more time to learning more of them. Unfortunately, I really hated German class in high school because of the teacher’s tendency to put people on the spot -- I think that is sort of inherent in a language class, but I get anxiety speaking in public.

Anyways, I suppose I’ll answer Turkish to this question, since spouse and I keep saying we’re going to try to learn Turkish via Duolingo. For the record, my HS offered six languages, which was the most I’ve ever heard of an American school offering, and I was always quite happy with my choice of German. (The others were Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and Latin.) I do wish I had maintained my German better, and I that I had more time to learn Spanish.

5. Where would you like to be right now?

Honestly? I’m pretty happy when I’m at home. But if I had to answer where “else” would I like to be right now, out of the whole world? Being back on safari in Botswana is a top contender, as are a variety of places in Turkey, and also Munich.

6. What name would you give yourself?

I’ve always liked my actual name (Elizabeth). I know I go by Liz; one of my HS friends was quite stubborn and I’m a bit stuck with it now, but I don’t mind it. There are worse nicknames that come from Elizabeth. I used to go by Fiona online; I’ve always been fond of that one.

7. What is something you’re currently learning?

OOF, what a good question. I sorta blanked on this at first, and my first thought was uhhhh learning how to cope with my OCD??? I’m doing exposure therapy right now, ish. Emphasis on the ish. Also mindfulness. Does that really even count? I started a beginner’s knitting project several months ago that I never finished, does that count? (I just need to seam it, that’s what I’m putting off. I have knit plenty of scarves; however, this is my first hat.) I’m sort of teaching myself ukulele although I haven’t really learned any new chords or songs in awhile. I would very much like to take more photography classes with a focus on wildlife photography. That involves buying a new camera and... signing up for classes.

Question Set 2

1. What is a detail in a piece of art/a text that you like that you really admire?

This was very difficult, at first because it was like looking at a bin full of loose things and just seeing an assortment of color and being overwhelmed by it all, and then because once I did start digging around, I kept finding different ideas and it was too hard too choose.

Character-building: In the A Song of Ice and Fire series, when Arya starts working for the House of Black and White, Martin stops using the name “Arya” as she dons different identities. For example, he uses “Cat” for a bit, among other names. It shows she’s trying to be someone else, but the caveat is that there are still little mannerisms and such that show she hasn’t really left Arya behind (I think maybe she bites her lip or something? I don’t remember specific examples because it’s been over 5 years since I read these books, but I do remember really appreciating the general technique at the time).

Music: In The Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” I love those repeated arpeggios, over and over, building, intensifying, as the white noise comes in and you can just feel the heaviness of desire, of want... (and then I love how it just breaks so suddenly! And I know it wouldn’t have been intended this way because that’s the end of side one, but since I listen to the whole album on spotify, then those bright chords of “Here Comes the Sun” come in and god Abbey Road is the best Beatles album)

Writing: the poetry of Florence + The Machine’s “All This and Heaven Too,” obviously, since literally the title of my blog comes from that. I’d quote that whole song honestly. There’s something that speaks to me about the incapability of language to fully encompass just... everything. I mean, love in specific here, but also just everything. Words are just these little boats we put meaning on and we hope they make it to the other side but everyone takes ‘em a little differently.

Like, look at this:

And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how

And this:

Words were never so useful So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Anyways, there’s also something just incredibly soothing about the music, too, and how she sings the song. There’s another line, from Sara Bareilles’ “Miss Simone” that goes “How does she know what a heart sounds like?” which pretty much sums up how I feel about “All This and Heaven Too” (and also many of Sara Bareilles’ song, especially that particular album, but I digress).

Anyways I did have some art examples, but I think I’ve rambled long enough.

2. Is there an idea that you really liked but had to discard because you couldn’t get it to work?

If I really like an idea, I don’t really “discard” it so much as put it on the shelf to attempt later. Out of recent fic ideas, I’ve really struggled with “How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days.” I first thought of this in late spring 2017, and for awhile I couldn’t stop thinking about it, but I was working on Whatever I Do at the time, and wanted to wait before starting another WIP. By the time I got to writing this, the inspiration well had sort of dried up.

I really like the idea of a fun cat-and-mouse rom-com idea where Jyn and Cassian keep outsmarting each other, with a whole lot of competency kink, some “oh shit we actually work well together!” and maybe some battle couple. And I was really looking forward to both the moment when they both finally let their guards down around each other and the big confrontation when they actually find out each other’s identities. But it involved more mission writing than I was prepared for, and I really struggled with it. I think I need to start over but that involves a lot of working, so it’s unfortunately shelved for now, and I’m working on a “You’ve Got Mail” concept instead.

3. Is there something fandom-related you would like to be able to do (i.e. I’d like to be able to make gif sets but can’t)?

Oh, yes, absolutely! Really anything that’s not writing related, lol. Gif sets, art, etc. But most of all, I have a music video idea for the song “So Close” from Enchanted--like I have a whole story board plotted out in a google doc. But I don’t have any video editing software, don’t even know how you get the scenes for a music video, etc. I have made videos before, but not since high school, and I don’t even have the cheap, basic video editing program I used back then. Sometimes I think I should just attempt make a gif set instead, but there are so many lyrics! and scenes that go with the lyrics! that I don’t know how to consolidate it into that format anyways.

4. What is a skill you’ve acquired through fandom work?

Hmm, this was tough. I’m going to say HTML. I’m not up-to-date on webdesign at all, but back in my early fandom days, I ran a few fansites. I still sometimes use HTML while leaving comments or to edit posts on dreamwidth or w/e. It’s super basic, but it has helped me at work at a variety of jobs. I take it for granted that people my age should know basic HTML, but a lot of them don’t, and then a lot of people I work with now are older and definitely not tech savvy.

5. Do you think anyone can learn to create great art, or does it take talent?

Well, I’m going to cheat a little. I do think think that anyone can learn to create great art, but I also think that everyone has a talent at something, and part of learning to create great art is recognizing your skill sets and honing those. If that makes sense? I’ve sort of seen both sides to this. I’ve seen naturally talented people create great things, but I also think that they’re probably cheating themselves if they’re not learning and honing their craft and trying to get better. But I’ve also seen people who started out making things that maybe you wouldn’t call great, but they worked hard over and over again, and looking at their work now, you’d say they were talented without ever knowing the difference. Great art = talent + learning + passion. Did that even answer the question? ...moving on

6. Do you prefer AUs or in-universe? Why?

I prefer to write in-universe, for sure. I find modern AUs more challenging, mostly because--and I feel kinda bad saying this--it’s very difficult for me to tap into Jyn and Cassian’s characters without some kind of tragic background. Their experiences and how they coped with them shape their personalities, and it’s really hard to separate them from those. My WWII was easier because, hey, it’s war, not so different from in-verse. But I initially tried to write Learning Curve in a modern AU and I was just totally bored. Putting it in universe made it more interesting to me, especially having to finagle a happier plot inverse. IDK, it might even be that I generally struggle to make up any conflict in modern AUs that feels interesting.

THAT SAID, lol, I definitely read either. So it’s probably strange for me to be hung up on it because I’ve read nice fluffy modern AUs and found them perfectly engaging.

Tagging: @theputterer, @magalis, @allatariel, @mythologicalmango, @threadsketchier MY USUAL DISCLAIMER APPLIES: no pressure if you just don’t wanna, AND if anyone sees this and was like “aw hey i wish she’d tagged ME” well guess what, I wish I did too! so go ahead and do it and let me know and then i’ll know to tag you next time, too :-)

Questions:

When you suffer a setback or a series of setbacks when creating (writing, drawing, knitting, any kind of crafty project thing you work on... even work), what are some strategies you use to cope with that stress and move forward?

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to create/make and what did you learn from it?

What part of a bicycle would you be?

What’s a helpful writing (art/crafting/work) technique you’ve learned?

What’s a piece of art that made you see things differently?

You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What color would you be and why?

What was the last board game you played and what did you like or not like about it?

*sorry these came out rather writer heavy!

#about me #tag meme

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