#this has got to be the most ive rambled in the tags I’ve just been rotatinf them with fado for the past barely a month and they are

[palossssssand]

Reconciliation

Old dome squadmates Trito and Kinoga get together at Trito’s place to catch up after years apart and a meeting by chance on the surface.

⚠️Warning for suggestive content below + implied chest trauma

After several weeks of chipping away at this, the comic is finally done! Very happy to have rendered a full 7 pages of oc stuff. Please give it a read!!

read the full 7 page comic on twitter! <-please do not click if you are a minor and view at your own discretion, this link contains explicit 18+ content. Thank you!

For the lore, includes stuff from splatoon Octo Expansion: Trito and Kinoga were a part of an octarian military squad living in the domes, Kinoga being their squad leader that many looked up to and admired. There were 6 of them who considered each other to be their closest friends. Upon hearing about the tests from Kamabo Co. and the allure of the Promised Land, Kinoga wished to seek it out in order to find a better life for their squadmates. A difficult decision, since it meant leaving them all behind, promising to come back and take them there.

Kinoga enters the metro trials and soon realizes that the Promised Land isn’t what they expected, their hope crumbling when they encounter one of their sanitized squadmates Agara, who followed suit to the metros soon after. Kinoga narrowly escapes, eventually making a break for the surface, carrying the shame of unwilling to return for their squadmates with them (it’s justified, of course, there might not be an easy way in, they might get caught again, Agara is gone)

Trito enters the Metro not too long after Kinoga does, wanting to catch up to them, and an accident that occurs in a test early on results in Trito’s near sanitization, giving him his scar. Terrified, and realizing what happens to his fellow octolings, Trito is unable to return to his squadmates, not wanting to break the news of their loved ones’ untimely fates. He hides away on the Metro until the events of OE happen and Agent 8 dismantles Kamabo, opening an opportunity to escape to the surface. Unwilling to face the possibilities of going back, Trito takes his chance to leave, starting a new life and feeling that it’s for the best if he doesn’t acknowledge it, though he missed his friends dearly.

Years later, Trito and Kinoga run into each other on the streets of Splatsville by chance, and the implications of them both being on the surface and alive hit them, having to carry the burden of leaving their loved ones behind and finding out the truth, knowing the other felt exactly the same, not knowing the fate of their squadmates and not wanting to think about the possibility of them being gone. They have a tearful reunion about it, and set up a meet later, to sit down and really talk, and get into a brief argument when the topic of returning to the domes comes up. Trito’s in disbelief that Kinoga never went back down to check on the rest of their squad, wanting them to have been a better person than him, who was too cowardly to do so. Eventually they do reconcile, and end up at Trito’s place to hook up, where the above comic takes place :]

#my art #my ocs #splatoon #suggestive #trito #kinoga #aaahhhhhh this is finally done!!!! #a small drabble turned into a sketch turned into a full fledged rendered comic. blowing up #in any case I hope people enjoy this as much as I do…they are so everything to me #splatoon ocs #I have so many thoughts about these two that I could not articulate in a tumblr post. they miss each other so so much #its about the. I’ve known your body. and coming back after years and going oh…this is new… #there’s no context where trito would be able to reveal this to kinoga except for boning #only kinoga could look at it and immediately understand. sparing him the pain of explaining what happened and reliving it #if it had been anyone else he probably would have stopped them the moment the hand went under the sweater #but he’s just so so caught in the moment of the reunion. and the everything . Auughhhh #stealing this from a friend but theyve changed and they haven’t changed at all. I’m going to be ill #chest trauma #‘what if they explored each others bodies’ or whatever. okay #if it wasnt clear enough or implied trito and kimoga are octolings from the underground domes #nsft #oh and the. really long lore explanation <33 teehee #they are so so much #not partners but more than friends. secret third thing. guh #its about holding each other so tightly and physically for confirmation that they weren’t seeing things and that the other was Really There #like the fate of their friends not on their mind constantly and then it all comes flooding back and all of a sudden it opens the door #for finding the others and now they won’t have to go back and face the possibility alone #IM GOING TO BE SICK!!!!!!!!!!!! #this has got to be the most ive rambled in the tags I’ve just been rotatinf them with fado for the past barely a month and they are #tritonoga

[jinchuls-moved]

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

#you don’t have to reblog or anything #this is more for me n my mutuals #sorry #can retire the definitelynotecho blog i made entirely to piss off kaze on her bday

[fictiontbh]

Aside from FNaF World, Spring Bonnie really hasn’t appeared in any games as just themself —aside from quick/little minigame appearances in 3 and 4.

And that’s something I’ve always been a little sad about—I really wish Spring Bonnie had a main canon appearance as themself, and you’d encounter them or whatever.

I know there’s some fangames that have them, but, y’know, none of those are canon-

<Incorrect-fnaf-quotes

SAMME it makes me so sad that they have like the LEAST amount of character within most fnaf games.

I guess it makes sense since fnaf 4 was made BEFORE fnaf animatronics were starting to gain personalities, just by ONE game too.

But then again, thats what makes Springbonnies headcanons so much fun!! You can really do whatever you want with them. Its why the fangames are nice. Fnaf world was nice too. It gave just a small hjnt of personality and i think that's what really set me up for my springbonnie obsession.

It makes me sad sometimes, how little springbonnie has characterwise, always kind of getting overshadowed by Fredbear and more often William.

just a quick search through the springbonnie tag will get you william afton and springtrap instead. Though its NOT what I want. I sprta miss alot of springbonbie art because of it, since i dont look through the tag (it makes me sad) and pinterest doesnt have any credits to Original Artists so i cant go ahead and searvh for them unless i already KNOW them or atleast of them.

If springbonnie could ever come back as their own character again, (which i soo wish they did after glitchtrap...) maybe they could have some sort of character arc for the newer games and such. We've already got Animatronics being able to befriend and be good while having personalities, very nice ones too, i can get invested in them!!

I have so much thoughts on what FNAF should have done, especially after help wanted. Something i COULDNT go into unless i wanted to ramble for 107839273729 days straight, which would probably get boring... even if you really ADORE speingbonnie i would find a way to make a conversation with them in it soooo boring. I have so much AU's and headcanons and Oc's based around them though, i like them alot.

I love them alot.

<3 it breaks my heart how little there is of them, but then again, it just means i can force qhatever i want onto my blorbo >:3

Springbnnuy is so silly

More gifs of the sillayy cause I love them...

And heres an @incorrect-fnaf-quotes because i dont think anonymous asks send notifications?? Not the ones ive sent have. But if it does show you... then im so sorry! I'm probably flooding your inbox lol.

#springbonnie fnaf #fnaf #<tag more later me v tired

[caroldantops]

hey! im quite new here and i have seen a lot of talk about readers interactions and i was wondering what is the best way to support my favorite writers (like you) because i think i have been doing this wrong and i really want to support writers who do this<3 ps. sorry if that was confusing, english isnt my first language

not confusing at all babes! you're 100% clear.

also can i just say, i very much appreciate you asking this. i would much rather more people speak up and be like "hey, we dont know the best way to support our favorite writers so how can we?" other than just. Not Knowing and Not Doing Anything.

so, im going to speak from my own personal experience but also what ive seen many of my mutuals/writers i follow talk about. this might get a little long but i wanna answer as thoroughly as i can because people should know!

im putting it under a read more because it got hella long, but please i encourage everyone who reads fics but don't interact to read and consider these things.

fellow writers i encourage you to reblog and add any other commentary you think is helpful!

before anything else (this is absolutely not directed at you, anon, you're perfect), i just want to get this out of the way. never come to a writer's blog and get angry with them for complaining about lack of engagement. like jesus christ. writers are putting hours of work on tumblr for you for free. the least we ask is for comments and reblogs. that's it. if you go and act shitty towards writers who ask for more engagement, yet still follow and wait for the next fic, like what are you even doing bro. just stop.

anyway. now let's get to the actual question!

basically all writers on tumblr will agree, reblogs are vital. and i feel like that gets said a lot but maybe people dont actually understand how impactful it is so lemme give an example.

so let's say hypothetically i have 100 followers. that is 100 potential people who see a fic that i post (i say potential because timezones exist so you might not see it as it's posted)

and let's say one of my followers (Person A) reblogs it, and they have 50 followers. that's 50 more people that can read the fic.

and let's say Person B followers Person A and they also reblog it to their 50 followers.

with only two people reblogging a fic, that's already doubling the number of people who have read the fic.

now imagine Person C followers Person A and reblogs the fic, and Person C has like, 1,000 followers. that's so much more exposure for the writer.

and that's only from two followers of the writer. so imagine if all 100 that read the fic reblogged it? the numbers skyrocket at an exponential rate.

plus, more people reading means that the writer could get more people follow them. so they get a more consistent audience.

likes, on the other hand, do not guarantee this exposure. i would say that most people don't have their likes public on tumblr. and also, even if they do, i know that I'm not about to scroll through people's likes rather than scrolling thru their blogs. likes up the notes, and that's about it. of course i understand liking a fic so you can come back to it later, i do that all the time. but if I've liked a fic, i always reblog it once I've read it.

now, say you're reading hardcore smut that you might not want on your main blog for whatever reason, so that's why you don't reblog a fic. look, i get it. sometimes irl people follow your blog, or sometimes you just don't want people to know what you're getting up to. but that's why i made a sideblog specifically for fics.

this entire blog BEGAN as a way for me to reblog fics i liked. and then it grew and grew and grew into all this. not saying that you have to start writing if you do that of course, but i guarantee, i'd rather see a small sideblog blog with like 3 followers reblog my fic than a blog just like the fic and leave. because that's still 3 more people who will see my fic and possibly read it and reblog it. 3 is better than none.

comments. reblogs are important, but comments are really what keep writers writing. they inspire us with new ideas, help figure out what it is that people enjoy from us, help us improve our writing, and most importantly, they make us feel good. and like writing and posting is worth it.

now, i know that sometimes it can feel awkward reblogging with a comment directly on the post. i even usually don't do that unless it's with a friend. but here are some alternatives/tips!

send an ask or DM! if you're really intimidated, sending an anonymous message is by far the easiest way to bypass that awkwardness.

write in the tags!! i cannot express this enough. comment in the tags. ramble about the fic. just put three tags worth of screaming. literally ANY comments in the tags are my favorite thing. i promise you that writers will scroll thru like basically every tag.

also, if they post it on both tumblr and ao3, don't feel weird about giving a little comment on both! i do that all the time. you can even be like 'hey i read this on tumblr first but wanted to say again how much i enjoyed it' and that is like, heart burstingly nice to hear.

also, if you're having trouble coming up with something to say, my like top commenting tip as both a writer and a reader is point out something specific that you like about the fic. when i comment on a fic (this is moreso when i comment on ao3 bc my comments are always longer there) i try to point out a particular line i like. literally if you just copy and paste it and go 'wow i really really like this line especially' that is the number one way to a writer's heart. seriously. it's the simplest thing, but it makes SUCH an impact.

however, if your comments are only asking for more fics, then that's not a comment, that's a request (which not all writers take).

saying something like 'hey i loved this fic a lot! if you have more in store for this in the future, i'd be really excited to read it!' is a million times better than 'will you do a part 2'. i know they don't sound that different, but i promise you that the tone makes a big difference.

(i honestly have more thoughts about good ways to get over commenting fear/know what exactly to comment that doesn't feel generic, so if people would like me to make another post about it i'd do it.)

and last but not least, if the writer has a way to donate, like a ko-fi, that always is so appreciated. of course, take care of yourself first, but if you have a few bucks and wanna show some support to your faves, that's a great way to help :)

oh! also, if the writer ever reblogs those little ask game things, just send them something! engagement outside of writing is also so much appreciated.

i think that's about everything i can think of! i hope this is helpful and that my explanations weren't confusing (if i need to clarify anything let me know). and again, thank you so much for asking! even doing that shows that you're a reader who cares, and that means the world ❤

#misc #writing advice #not really writing advice but like kinda in a way yknow #i didnt really mean for this to be so long #but i felt like the explanation of why reblogs are so important is important for people to understand #bc i think its easy to believe that 'oh i have a really small blog so it wont do anything' #but no! even one more person reading is better than none! #reader advice

[yostresswritinggirl]

Exiled States the Obvious Pt. 1

Warning: May contain spoilers, may not be 100% accurate, sick ramblings, may break your heart upon debunking common theories

Some canon notes I've noticed and analyzed, this will be placed here not just for safekeeping but for other writers to be known of them too :DD

From Venti's story I; it is said that as a loophole to being refused to be served alcohol because of his appearance, he 'drinks on the job', performing while drinking alcohol the audience gives him instead of Mora (his own suggestion)

Story IV offers some interesting details from Venti's story quest: First, Decarabian truly loved his people and believed that he had done good for them. Second is that Venti was supposed to gift his friend an eagle's feather but wasn't able to do so because he died.

Venti knows how to forge Rex Lapis' signature. Venti knows how to FORGE REX LAPIS' SIGNATURE.

It confuses me how Venti and Diluc doesn't have some kind of estranged relationship knowing how aristocracy/monarchy damaged freedom in Mondstadt.

Venti has been to Celestia and it apparently fucking sucks. That or Venessa told him about it, but it still SUCKS.

The Anemo Archon can and will strip you just to protect his identity/secrets/past. Ask Mona.

Albedo and Klee in his trailer, we can consider this canon: Babysitting Klee includes fucking battles. Best big brother.

The way Venti talks about Albedo speaks of [How Earth is a thing in Space] [Creation of Human Life through Earth] which are direct points to God's (biblical) creation of the universe and humans. With the dialogue, Venti recognizes Albedo has Godly powers that can create such miracles, take this line with a pinch of salt tho.

A connection: The real reason Zhongli does not carry nor care about prices is because of his trailer, THE FUNERAL PARLOR LITERALLY CARRIES ALL HIS EXPENSES

Hu Tao's existence proves that Xiao has a sense of humor and it is MORE THAN LIKELY that the adepti knows and can casually smile or laugh.

This piece of work exists: "Sigils of Permission were once created by Rex Lapis and infused with adeptal power. During the Archon War, such talismans were used by mortals to channel divine power. Now, most of its power has worn off, but adepti will still refrain from harming its holder."

Xiao is actually less hostile/asshole-y in the Chinese version than the English one and should be taken as canon since, well, Mihoyo is a Chinese company. Lots of dialogues or voiceline connotations are lost in translation.

Zhongli's retirement scenario does NOT mean that the adepti will not be needed or will also retire (looking at you Keqing) because as proven by the fight, the adepti are still in need of protecting mankind.

The Qixing and Adepti all know he is not dead, stating he gave hints that he hasn't really died to them.

A huge possibility that Zhongli recites this line whenever he finishes or fulfills a contract: "The contract is fulfilled. That which thou seeketh is now bestowed unto thee, for my promise is solid as stone."

If his words from the cool trailer is to be taken into heart, then Zhongli had long since cared for and protected humans, during the archon war.

Zhongli is not a MORTAL FUNERAL man, he is an ADEPTI FUNERAL man.

This broke God has the AUDACITY to go to operas, and not just any operas no no, "operas by the most celebrated performers."

He does not know shit about poverty because he doesn't know what it's like to be poor. He doesn't need to eat.

Besides the usual, he has more titles, some which are pretty funny: God of History, God of Stove. Liyueans(?) call him Rex Lapis, outside of his nation everyone calls him Morax. And in operas and children, he's more known as the War God.

Zhongli is very likely to cause divine intervention or sightings because a lot of stories and tales in Liyue about him are actually first-hand experience of accounts seeing the God himself.

Wrath of the Rock does not only mean Zhongli smacking asses with a laddle: Qixing of Liyue are officially responsible of punishing contract breakers.

Ningguang's role holds the big bad book of laws, with a whooping page count of 279.

This infomation is mostly for me to clarify Rex Lapis standing in the Seven: He is the first to ascend into Archon-hood, the one out of two remaining of the original Seven (Barbatos is second longest) and that besides him and Venti, the original Seven would also gather for wine in Liyue until they all left Archon-hood.

Zhongli really fuckin did a pest termination arc.

I repeat, ZHONGLI DOES NOT HATE SEAFOOD. To clarify, he hates TENTACLED seafood/cuisines. He can eat seafood tofu, happily.

It's so funny how the concept of "equivalent exchange" exists and is exercised in contracts, but not in a more dangerous aspect such as a l c h e m y.

The reason Jean is working as an Acting Grand Master is because the actual Grand Master is out on an expedition.

It is not normal for the Harbingers to be like Childe.

While battles and sparring is one of Childe's most usual traits, a lot of his character lines point to the fact that he's not outright looking for beating people up 24/7 and that his thirst can also be quenched by thrill or excitement.

General ones:

The other five archons do not uphold/focus on the duty of leading humanity, which was the prior responsibility of the original Seven.

I just realized the Archon War was literally about fighting to get a seat on the Seven. The way Archons are chosen are a mystery, just look at how Venti got his Archon-hood smh.

A pattern that we should consider but may be debunked in the future: A playable character MUST posses a visible Vision. So bye Scaramouche banner :')) pls debunk this Mihoyo

With Morax being unable to make Mora, economy is gonna be wack in Teyvat. In essence, every piece of Mora is valuable and will need to be circulated. Nations may fight to hold the most Mora and the one leading and already found a work around on this is actually the Tsaritsa, who has long since focused on economic power. This may not be coincidence.

Characters who are CANONICALLY good with children, to an extent: Ningguang, Beidou, Xiangling, Baizhu, Albedo, Jean, Childe, Ganyu, Xiao, Lisa. Italicized ones are the to an extent ones.

The Fatui has connections with Mondstadt, mainly the Ordo Favonius.

200 years ago sure is an oddly specific duration in Lisa's story and this might be expanded in the Sumeru chapter.

A clarification to a subtly known fact : It is the combined power of all the adepti that revived Qiqi, not just Xiao.

WILD CARD

Almond Tofu is NOT made of tofu. And in original Chinese recipes, it's not even fuckin Almond, it's goddamn Apricot seeds. But in Genshin it is canon Almond.

Tag lists for my homies that I want to share this with. Tagging other authors or lore enthusiasts are also greatly appreciated:

@heiayen @dandelion-dreams @karemelle @jrnightingale @galassyalex @boxofteenageideas @chels-void @starconch @worldsfool

PS I'm sorry for suddenly tagging you guys, I just thought it would be nice to share these with some authors that I know or have seen me, please tell me if you want to be removed, s-sorry in advance 👉👈

#genshin impact #exile.feather #exile.Circlet #author is sick but not dying #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #May not be 100% accurate #will gladly indulge requests for sources #did this while bedridden #spread the word #let authors run amok #with more with writing material #author is a busy idiot #she doesn't have a lot of time as she makes it out to be

[jinx-jade]

AWBE Chapter 13: to be seen without pity.

Marinette let out a huff as she laid on top of her bed, staring at the ceiling.

She had begun to envy her time at the temple and League.

Marinette knows that it’s a horrible thought to have and she should never want to willingly go back there.

What were they expecting from her with the way people are treating her.

At least while she was with the league or at the temple, people weren’t treating her like she was someone to pity. Like she was a cracked glass, ready to shatter at any given moment.

The feelings of pity radiating off of anyone and everyone she has had contact with the past month were driving her insane.

Doctors.

Nurses.

Therapists.

Police officers.

The Police commissioner.

Aunt Penny.

Uncle Jagged.

The list goes on and on, even though the people she's allowed contact with are very limited.

She hasn't even had the chance to say hi to her older brother, her fox, or her cat.

She couldn't help but wonder if those three would treat her like this as well.

How much was she asking of people to treat her like a regular person?

How much was she asking of people to treat her with more than just pity and sugar-coated words?

She was getting sick and tired of being treated like this.

Of course, Marinette doesn’t plan on telling one that this is how she feels.

She couldn’t ‘tell’ anyone anyway. Even if she wanted to because her voice still wasn’t back.

Okay, that’s a lie.

Her voice works just fine when she speaks to the kwamis.

Her voice works just fine when she’s talking to herself.

Her voice works just fine when she’s talking to plants and animals.

Her voice doesn’t work with anyone else.

Marinette had tried to talk to people by not looking at them, not saying anything about the league, the temple, Hawkmoth, or the miraculi, but it didn’t work.

In addition to that any time someone is within a five-mile radius of her, Marinette’s magic picks it up and her voice disappears.

It's not like she could just turn her ability to sense people off. It is a skill that has become the same as the skill to breathe. It was a skill you don't even think about when you're doing it, and a skill that you can't just stop doing.

Marinette let out another huff before sitting up off the bed.

She quickly changed into a pair of leggings and a wrap shirt she had made in her spare time. Jagged and Penny being happy to buy her whatever fabrics, supplies, anything she needs or wants really.

Grabbing a backpack, Marinette placed her sketchbooks, Pens, Pencils, and erasers inside the bag.

Marinette sent a quick text message to her Aunt and Uncle, letting them know that she will be in the garden, before placing her phone in the bag with the rest of her things.

The gardens were always rather calming and quiet.

Just not today.

Marinette had already been in the garden for ten, fifteen minutes when a dog came barreling into her.

She tried to coo at the great dame but her voice caught in her throat.

It made sense since the owner was probably nearby. 

Except this was the backyard of Stone Manor.

How did the dog even get back here in the first place?

Her question was answered when a man around her age slipped through a person-sized gap in the fence. The area was covered in vines and soft plants so it made sense that she hadn't noticed it before.

Marinette let herself appear, uncaring to the man as she giggled at the dog that was nosing her for attention.

She observed his energy and had to stop herself from physically freezing.

Her neighbor is the bartender?

He seemed to freeze upon seeing her playing with his dog. The man simply awkwardly stood there until the dog, Titus the name tag read, ran over to him and gave him a push.

The man walked a bit closer, leaving more than enough space for her not to feel crowded, and cleared his throat. She pretended to notice and looked up at him, blinking a few times before offering a smile.

"I apologize for Titus. I hadn't even known there was a way he could get out of our yard." The man said as Titus ran back to her for more pets.

Marinette nodded her head as she scratched behind the dog's ears.

The man watched her play with Titus for a bit before she realized that she never gave him her name.

Taking out a spare sheet of paper, she quickly scribbled down her name before offering the paper to the man.

He looked at her questioningly before reading the paper.

He paused to look at her before looking at the paper again.

"Marinette?" The man questioned.

Marinette simply nodded her head and pointed to herself.

That made the man furrow his brows.

"Can you not talk?" The man questioned, clearly confused.

Marinette nodded her head.

"But you talked at the bar." The man stated.

Marinette nodded again.

"Why can't you talk now?" The man questioned.

Marinette looked at him, really looked at him, observing his body language and energy.

He didn't pity her.

He was simply confused.

He didn't quite lack social skills, they just weren't easy for him.

Almost as if he hadn't learned them till much later.

Marinette paused when she could sense the Lazarus pits on him, but he most likely hadn't been in contact with them for at least a decade with how faded the energy was.

The energy made her want to try something.

Taking out another piece of paper, she asked for his name.

"My apologies, that was quite rude of me. I am Damian Wayne, and that's my dog, Titus." The man, Damian, introduced himself.

Marinette looked at him for a few moments before pointing to her throat, then at her head.

She proceeded to draw a symbol on the paper, writing something down next to it.

When Damian looked at the paper he tensed, reading it out loud to make sure it was correct.

"The doctors said I was traumatized by the bad people." He read, turning the paper to face her. "This symbol belongs to the 'bad people?" Damian questioned, receiving a nod from Marinette.

Damian looked at her with a new weariness, as if she was a weapon instead of a cracked glass about to shatter, and kwami was it nice to not feel someone's pity.

"Why are you telling me this?" Damian questioned cautiously.

Marinette handed him another piece of paper.

"You have the Lazarus pits energy on you. It's faded, so my gut says you're safe." Damian read out loud again.

He looks at her for a bit before letting out a sigh and taking a seat next to her, Titus happily laying his head down in Damian's lap.

Damian took one of her pencils and wrote a number on the paper before handing it back to Marinette.

She looked at the paper with curiosity.

"You'll run out of paper if you keep talking like that. Texting would be more effective." Damian said as if that train of thought wasn't missing a few details.

Marinette took the number and added it to her phone.

_______________

+1(***)-***-****

: Why do I need your number to talk to you?

_______________

Damian looked at her confused before releasing his mistake.

"You just got out of the League. I'm originally from the League. If you want to talk about something that happened there I would be the best person to talk to." Damian explains.

Marinette tilted her head in thought before shrugging with a nod of her head.

_______________

Marinette

: but why would you do that?

_______________

Damian looked up from his phone and raised a brow at her.

"You said it yourself, your gut feeling is that I'm safe. Plus I've probably been through something similar to you." Damian said with a shrug.

Marinette thought about it for a moment before shrugging.

They ended up sitting in somehow comfortable silence for the next hour or two.

Marinette only left to head back inside when she got a text from Penny that it was time to eat, so she has to go back inside.

Titus let out a whine when she stood up to leave.

_______________

Marinette

: it was nice to meet you again

_______________

" you as well Marinette."

With that Damian and Titus went back to their side of the wall, and Marinette back into the manor.

tag list:  @liquid-luck-00 @lunathealphafemale @certainmuffinbagelcalzone @dorkus-minimus @istoleyourcookies @itsmeevie01 @ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole @miraculousfanfic127 @macncheesemonster @fan-written @moonlightstar64 @the-one-woman-army @remy-289 @ramos123 @jjmjjktth @ash-amg @glastwime859 @alysrose-starchild @elizabeths-rambles @animegirlweeb @iamabrownfox @northernbluetongue @thecaptainthunder @meismu @nyx-in-line @sunflowers-and-mooncakes @m3owww @icerosecrystal @legends-live-in-memories @salty-fang @a-marlene-s @savagenutella46 @elliebelliegirl @fangirlfox12 @miraculouspenta @t1dwarrior-of-earth @alittlemelody716 @charme-de-malchan @what-even-am-i-tho @raven-campanile @toodaloo-kangaroo @laurcad123 @iamabrownfox @maskedpainter @our-preciousss @jayjayspixiepop @kking13 @stainedglassm @always-a-fangirl146 @corporeal-terrestrial

#maribat #awbe #angel with blue eyes

[morkofday]

#10YearPromise - pingxie blabberings

bc i wasn’t able to answer these questions throughout the week (as i’ve been traveling around while being extremely busy), i decided to just collect all of my answers under one post! i never tire talking about pingxie so this was extremely enjoyable ♥ am also practicing some very shameless self promo in this so be prepared!

thank you for @laireshi​ for organizing this event (i take it’s you alone? am not sure, sorry for my laziness) and being amazing in general ^^ i won’t be able to join as i am still very busy and summer is always pure chaos for me, so i can only hope that other ppl have fun! if you are not aware of 10 Year Promise Pingxie Exchange, you can find the original announcement post here. join in if you have the time and inspiration ^^ 

and then to my answers which i will be placing under the cut bc i don’t want to flood anyone’s dash with me going bonkers over these two idiots. enjoy tho if you decide to read this :’D ♥

I. What made you ship pingxie?

Back when I got into Reboot bc of ZYL (as has happened to many ppl probably) and then saw stuff about pingxie once I started going through that drama’s tag on tumblr, my first thought about them was that they had to be a crack ship. The way Reboot portrays them as well as their actors and their huuuge age difference affected this a lot, and I was actually cackling at them bc all their moments in Reboot made me just go “oh, socialist brotherhood at its best” in my head. But then I finished watching Reboot’s 1st season (as the 2nd one wasn’t out yet) and started reading some fics. I learned more about them and the canon storyline. I learned how damn devoted they are to each other, and after that, many moments in Reboot gained new meaning in my eyes. So, I think what made me ship pingxie was a mix of Reboot (especially the hallucination moment where Xiaoge dies and Wu Xie loses it bc that’s my jam as I later on became to notice) and then the amazing fics I dug out during that time. After that the love grew stronger as I watched the other dramas, and these days I’m a lost cause. I feel like I spend most of my awake time thinking about these two and their love. They are amazing. I cry rivers for them.

II. Which pingxie version is your favorite?

After finding pingxie, I fell in love with them properly during TLT2. There is just something about that stage of their relationship for me, the stage where both of them are still very tentative about everything but they have deep down accepted that they’re tied now. Wu Xie is figuring out so many things, coming to terms with being betrayed by his uncle and slowly realizing that something bigger is going on behind the scenes. Meanwhile, Xiaoge is learning how to trust Wu Xie and how to accept that he cannot leave this naïve boy behind. It feels very fragile, and I have so many emotions about TLT2 bc of this. Xiaoge is so soft and feels very multilayered. Wu Xie is still his naïve self but is slowly gaining some sharper edges as he comes to face the cruel world. I like how Cheng Yi and Hou Minghao have portrayed this dynamic. Also, TLT2 is just very extra with all the pingxie scenes, who would be able to resist loving them? So, I have to admit that my favorite pingxie is these two, tho Ultimate Note comes very, very close.

III. What’s your favorite pingxie headcanon?

Headcanons are a bit hard for me as I don’t know enough of the canon. I have not read the novels so most of the story I’ve just patched together from all the bits I’ve read from somewhere (here, on twt, in fics) and through the scenes the dramas have shown me. I feel like the whole world is lowkey made of headcanons for me :’D But hmm, my favorite pingxie headcanon… I’d say there are two and then one bonus bc it’s more a Wu Xie related headcanon than just pingxie. The first one is that the pingxie confession happens after the Bronze Gate. It feels like the only moment when they’re both ready for such a thing. I’d say Xiaoge comes to realize his own feelings a lot earlier and he might tell something to unconscious Wu Xie before leaving for ten years, but he will not actually leave Wu Xie with such a burden. He doesn’t want to ask anything when it sounds like he doesn’t even believe that Wu Xie will be willing to wait for him, and I’d say that for him, his feelings are going to be fine even if Wu Xie never learns about them. He might even wish that Wu Xie never learns about them bc he’s not able to promise much as an immortal and amnesiac being (he outlives Wu Xie, most likely forgets him). For Wu Xie however, I’d say he needs time. He really is way too naïve and I’d say that he needs those ten years to realize that he’s in love with his best friend. I dunno who confesses first after Xiaoge returns but I think that only after that decade their relationship is “mature” enough to hold the weight of a confession (even if I also love to play around with the thought of them getting together during the events of Ultimate Note bc that drama offered many good chances for that). Another headcanon for me is that Xiaoge will find a way to die when Wu Xie does. After learning about them more, I feel like Reboot implies this too. Xiaoge is very accepting of Wu Xie’s death but in the last moments, when he really thinks that this is going to be it for Wu Xie, he hesitates. We see a spark of desperation there, and I’ve come to think that his initial plan, the plan he came up with once he got that call from Wu Xie and knew he would join Wu Xie on his last adventure, was to see this through for Wu Xie’s sake and then leave and die alone. I don’t know how much there would be left for Zhang Qiling after Wu Xie is gone. I feel like this is also what Wu Xie fears. But would he really resent Xiaoge for joining him in death after living such a long and hard life? I’d say no and I’d say that even Pangzi accepts this as one of the most likely outcomes. The bonus one then feels very personal to me. I don’t usually talk about this bc I feel so unsure of even mentioning this but I’ve seen others with similar thoughts so am sharing! I’ve never before gotten any vibes about a character’s sexuality in a drama I’ve watched but Reboot Wu Xie looked at me once in the eye and all I could hear was my brain yelling “asexual”. So, that is just my personal headcanon for Wu Xie. He’s ace and proud of it. He can flirt etc. but sex makes him go naah. He doesn’t need it or want it. He can appreciate beauty and hot ppl without wanting to sleep with them and I think his relationship with Xiaoge fits very well into this. I don’t have any personal experiences with being ace but I feel like Wu Xie has read the name once, shrugged and gone, “guess that’s me” and continued on with his life. He’s badass like that and I love him for it. (take a very relevant meme lol from this post)

IV. What’s the ideal pingxie date?

Ah, christ. I dunno if I’ve ever thought about them going on a date? In the middle of tomb raiding, hospital trips and fighting against powers bigger than themselves, I’ve rarely seen any time for them to do something like that lol. But after Ultimate Note, I’ve thought about star gazing a lot. Just them, the infinite night sky and some lonely hilltop. They would probably take a blanket with them, huddle together and talk about things in hushed voices. Wu Xie would go on a ramble about all the constellations and their meanings and mythology behind them and Xiaoge would just nod at him and watch Wu Xie talking. Maybe he would offer some tidbits in the middle of the rambling, making Wu Xie smile brightly. It would be relaxing and comfortable and loving. They would make out a lil bit. Would maybe lie down and play with each other’s hair. All their worries would feel insignificant. Wu Xie would fall asleep for a moment and Xiaoge would wake him up with a kiss to get him moving again so that they don’t need to sleep on the cold ground. They would return home and drink something warm and then go to sleep, cuddled together and happy. relevant edit x

V. What’s your favorite pingxie getting together scenario?

I guess I already talked about this a bit but let me elaborate then! As said, I’d see it happening after the Bronze Gate. I am not sure if it would be right away (they’re both going through so much trauma at that point) or if it would happen after Reboot (maybe we would still need Wu Xie almost dying for them to get their shit together), but I’d say it happens in a rush either way. It’s one of those “I have to tell you something before it’s too late” -type of moments. Or one of those “Bc I love you, you idiot!” -type of moments. I feel like I keep thinking that maybe Wu Xie would have to confess first bc as said, Xiaoge wouldn’t like to burden Wu Xie with his feelings when there’s so little he can give in the sense of normalcy. But then again, I have written a oneshot where Xiaoge is the first one to confess and that always feels better for me. That at some point Xiaoge feels secure enough to tell Wu Xie about his own feelings. That he feels confident and comfortable enough to say it out loud while still expecting nothing in return bc he knows that Wu Xie won’t abandon him either way. But no matter how that happens, I always see it as this dam breaking. The emotions finally become too strong. Something happens that reminds them that life is too short. Something happens that makes them finally talk it out and ah, Pangzi can finally take a break, what a joy

VI. What’s your favorite pingxie moment?

Every adaptation has its own good moments so let me make a list (like I saw someone else do too):

The Lost Tomb:

Xiaoge rescues Wu Xie from the shibie

Wu Xie worrying over unconscious Xiaoge plus taking care of him in the hotel room

The Pingxie MomentTM aka Xiaoge saving Wu Xie from falling and then cradling the boy to his chest while thumb rubbing his shoulder

The Lost Tomb 2:

Xiaoge revealed to be Baldie and Wu Xie yelling at him about it

Lowkey the whole underwater tomb arc bc holy shit that’s gay

Wu Xie losing it when Xiaoge doesn’t come up from the underwater tomb, diving after him and then almost dying himself + Pangzi getting angry at him for being stupid

pingxie ft. magical skype in the bronze tree cave (and Xiaoge being emo about the 1000yo warrior guy right before that)

Xiaoge rescuing Wu Xie from drowning (they shared air, you cannot convince me otherwise) + Wu Xie giving Xiaoge his watch in the hospital (relevant edits x x)

Wu Xie’s face when he sees Zhang Buxun in the coffin bc I love pain :)

Xiaoge not shooting Wu Xie despite not remembering him in the mountain village

Wu Xie grabbing Xiaoge’s jacket after being kidnapped and the Iron Triangle reunites in that old Chen guy’s cabin, asking, “Is that you?” from Xiaoge to make sure that he remembers again while looking like the biggest puppy (relevant edit x)

also some relevant memes x

Ultimate Note:

The hand over mouth reunion in the Golmud Sanatorium

“Xiaoge will ignore anyone else but you”

Xiaoge pretending he isn’t Losing ItTM throughout the whole time Wu Xie is in the Devil’s City with A-Ning

more hand over mouth with the gigantic snake

“The goddess has ascended”

Wu Xie protecting Xiaoge after he returns from the jade meteorite 

“Do you remember me?” “Wu Xie.”

Wu Xie promising to help Xiaoge find his memories no matter what bc Xiaoge’s business is Wu Xie’s business 

“Maybe you can return home with a wife today.” Wu Xie: proceeds to stare at Xiaoge, horrified

“Take me home.”

The sword gifting scene (especially Xiaoge denying the possibility of him killing Wu Xie or them harming each other, relevant edits x x)

other relevant edits for ultimate note x x

Reboot:

Wu Xie telling Xiaoge about his sickness and then Xiaoge coming back and promising to join Wu Xie on his trip (relevant edit x)

the death hallucination bc am a masochist 

Wu Xie’s death dream where Xiaoge calls to him but then accepts his choice to move forward bc am a masochist pt. 2

pingxie reunion in the Thunder City forest where Xiaoge saves Wu Xie & co. from the poisonous gas 

the moment in Thunder City where Wu Xie sits outside at night, eating the peanuts Pangzi gave him and then notices Xiaoge, offering him the peanuts and smiling 

when Xiaoge leaves for the last time and then gets reunited with healed Wu Xie against all odds

the train scene and their softest smiles to each other  

Time Raiders:

Wu Xie being the best bean and just wanting to befriend this mysterious man while seeing right under his skin and making Xiaoge baffled and fall in love in approximately 0.5 seconds

Xiaoge, catch! *proceeds to save only Wu Xie when they fall into that shibie horror chamber*  

Xiaoge’s desperation to save Wu Xie from the crumbling ground 

their death waltz at the end of the movie plus Xiaoge’s sacrifice

+ Sand Sea: 

“Don’t you dare call him Xiaoge!” 

Wu Xie offering his friends and then himself as comfort to Li Cu when he’s scared while smiling very softly at the memory of Xiaoge 

“But isn’t his surname Wu?” Hei Xiazi: You have seen nothing yet, you sweet summer child

Wu Xie talking about Xiaoge’s past in the temple (aka the Tibetan Sea Flower story bc I just adore how pretty they’ve made those scenes) 

VII. What is the best gift Wu Xie and Xiaoge could give each other?

I haven’t really thought about this type of stuff either bc we have already seen a ton of gifts being exchanged! I love the watch Wu Xie gives to Xiaoge in TLT2 as mentioned (it’s so silly but also so sweet) and I love it that Wu Xie gifts Xiaoge with a new sword in Ultimate Note. Also, I feel like I can count the food Wu Xie leaves for Xiaoge in Ultimate Note and that one moment where Xiaoge offers his knife for Wu Xie as a “pen”. They would give anything for each other as long as the other asked (which they never do) so I dunno what type of gift would matter the most. As it’s so hard to say, let me talk about one more headcanon that I’ve been thinking about ever since the infamous Bazaar photoshoot for Ultimate Note/XYL & ZSX. So, we see them having matching rings and necklaces in that photoshoot. I think jewelry would be kind of difficult for Xiaoge to wear when he needs to fight, as jewelry could be a hindrance in that type of situation But my brain won’t shut up about “pingxie married!!!” when I ask this question from it. To be honest, I do not see pingxie getting married in the traditional sense. They don’t need something like that after everything they’ve gone through. But I like to play around with the thought of promise rings. Just them exchanging rings for fun, for their own sakes, to have something concrete that reminds them of their promise to each other and of their feelings. Maybe even Xiaoge could wear that ring under his gloves idk. But am a sucker for that thought so my answer to this is then simply: a ring. relevant edits x x

if you read this far, thank you so much! I hope this gave you something and thank you once more for organizing this and allowing everyone to share their love for pingxie ^^ ♥

#10yearpromise #pingxie #dmbj #yes i ramble without any purpose #yes i love them a normal amount :) #thank you for organizing this!! #and sorry for coming at you like this #i hope you don't mind #am wishing you luck with the event!! #and hoping everyone has fun #i hope everything in this post #works like it's supposed to #bc oh boy did i struggle

[carbootsoul]

fic recs? ive been combing out my locs for 3 hours and im So Bored,,.,.,

hell YEAH i have so many since i uh have been reading soo much fanfiction over quarantine lol and have also been reading ace attorney fic since like 5th grade or something equally stupid. like i am running out. (also thank u for the excuse to reread my favorite fics sjdklfjs i have to make sure they’re as good as i remember before recommending them to u 🥺). sorry this is a little late i finally convinced my little brother to watch sk8 with me lol

anyway leo’s fanfiction recs!! these aren’t in any particular order (technically they’re in chronological order of when i read them i guess) and most of them r going to be ace attorney but i think i’ve got two or three mp100 fics too!! i just didn’t have as many mob psycho fics bookmarked which is bothering me since i know i’ve read a lot of really good serirei fics i just didn’t save them everywhere.. if i send u an ask later with just links to a few that’s why.

gravity- (ace attorney, klapollo, rated e) if u haven’t read gravity yet.. i mean valid but i reread this one last night and it is just as good as i remember.. this is a weird thing to say about a klapollo fanfiction (and the klapollo is VERY GOOD) but i am obsessed with how miles and phoenix r characterized in this it’s such a fun perspective on their characters oh my god. there are a few points in this fic where i had to like. stop and look away because i was so excited about how it was written lol. there’s a second part to this fic that’s a mini wrightworth scene and it makes me go actually insane

the same thing, self aware- (ace attorney, wrightworth, rated m) cw past alcoholism. one of my top 3 ace attorney fanfics honestly 🥺 the premise is that phoenix and miles broke up when phoenix adopted trucy and they decide to spend a weekend together when miles gets back to san francisco (latter half of the 7 year gap) and GOD. it’s p angsty but has a happy ending and is also like. such an interesting look at their characters. also this:

“Well, fuck, Miles, why did you even ask me here?” Miles says into the kitchen sink, “Because you used to be my best friend.”

forty years in the wilderness- (ace attorney, wrightworth, rated t) classic post aj fic about edgeworth’s return to the states. i think most ppl have read this one but like. for good reason. sometimes i talk to my friend leo while i read fics and send them my favorite parts and i swear i sent them like 3/4ths of this fic. it’s just SO sweet and in character and i love it

to go another day- (ace attorney, wrightworth, rated t) god this fic is STUPID fluffy and rly short but it lives in my head rent free. horrifyingly in character and im obsessed with it

what we make- (mp100, reigen & tome, rated t) it’s been a while since i read this but im weak for any content about tome and reigen since like.. i’m obsessed with how similar they are.. the same kind of obnoxious gay. also the background serirei is rly sweet 🥺🥺

all there is- (ace attorney, wrightworth & past krisnix, rated e) cw for dubcon, dissociation during sex, and alcoholism. this is probably the angstiest fic on this list and deals with a lot of heavy topics but it’s really well written. the summary says ‘phoenix and kristoph during the seven year gap, phoenix and miles after it’ and yeah basically. 

catch me i’m falling- (mob psycho, terumob, rated g) college aus.. pining teru.... other ppl having crushes on mob (as they should).. fluff... shou being mean to teru... thank u

wilst du mich heiraten?- (ace attorney, wrightworth, rated t) HI THIS IS QUITE POSSIBLY MY FAVORITE FANFICTION EVER oh my GOD its so tender and good and the found family of it all. miles calling phoenix darling/sweetheart is my favorite hc. it’s told in two parts- one from phoenix’s pov before his disbarrment and one from apollo’s after everything with kristoph- and i just. seriously read this one it makes me so very happy. everything by the author is also good- my other personal favorites are love most definitely requited (the only hanahaki fic i’ve ever enjoyed) and reading between the lines (the original trilogy from miles’s pov). 

surrender on no sides- (mob psycho, character driven/ritshou, rated m for drug use, violence, and psychological abuse) tw for a lot of things- i’d advise looking at the tags. ok when i said all there is is the angstiest fic i was lying because i forgot about this one. uhh frankly don’t read it if you’re at all worried about any of the tags because this is VERY intense. the premise is that ritsu is the one who goes into mogami’s fucked up head land instead of mob (& mogami’s world is worse than canonically) and things just go downhill from there. i think about this fic on a weekly basis tho

this got LONG i didn’t realize how many favorite fics i had until i was listing them. thank u for asking tho!! i get really excited about things i’m into so it’s fun to get to ramble about them lol. i hope u enjoy these (and that you haven’t read all of them already lol)

#leo.ask

[cinnaminsvga]

man dont you ever have like, very true romantic feelings towards your anons??? bc that person that wrote The legendary ask of "i wanna explain to you that i love you" owns my whole heart. i literally daydreamed about them More than once, not a day goes by that i dont think about "you created this place zee, and it has a lot of you, and in every bit of that i find peace" i swear to you i will not rest, i will not settle until i find someone that can say with their whole chest that they find peace in me. i am 100% finding this person and making them fall in love with me. i don't know how you haven't wed them yet. i literally shipped you with this anon since the year 2019 like when i read it i was like "omg are they gonna take this to the dms :$" until i realized i was just projecting. anyways, my question: have you ever just, idk, have the urge to kiss an anon on here? maybe hug a bit? but like, in a shojo manga sense?

I MEAN i wouldn’t say “romantic” but i do feel very fond about many of my anons! also, now that you mention that one specific ask, i actually scrolled through my blog to find that specific one (which i had tagged with #best which honestly... good job me from the past lol) and it filled me with the same fond and warm feelings that i had when i first got it. it’s been almost two-ish years and i still can’t believe that anon sent me such a heartfelt message?? like... what did i do to deserve that... bruh moment (more sappy bullshit under the cut bc i talk for approximately ten years)

but no, unfortunately we did not take it to the dms LMAO i don’t even know if that same anon still sends me asks, let alone if they still follow me! very few of my anons ever “reveal” themselves to me, which i totally understand! it’s way easier to send asks like that when you’re veiled behind a layer of anonymity, so i would never ask anyone to come out of hiding if they don’t want to (but my dms are always open! however, during 2019, i think i had them closed because i was getting a lot of... strange dms at the time but ive reopened them since most of those weirdos have up and left). there have been moments when i reminisce on certain asks like that where i wonder “hmm... i wonder who this person is? how do they perceive me now? do i still take up some space in their mind, perhaps a fleeting thought when they’re driving home or taking a break?” 

this is very embarrassing to say, but i have gotten my fair share of asks in that same sort of style, where anons will tell me they love me and appreciate me, and every single time without fail, i will respond with 100% genuine incredulity because 1) i can’t believe anyone would take the time out of their day to send such a nice, well-meaning letter to me of all people and 2) i can’t believe people think kindly of me and enjoy my presence, as simple as that. it’s crazy to think that i have people like that who see my blog and think “i like this person enough to tell them i appreciate their existence” because... well. i don’t get a lot of that in my real life, so it’s always so jarring (but i always appreciate it, without fail.)

but i must say, that anon who sent me that message... they said that “i created this place” when really, that isn’t quite true. i’ve said in the past that i wanted to “create a space that people can enjoy” and honestly, i think my view on that might have changed a little since then. because in reality, spaces only derive their meanings by the people who fill it. so really, this blog is only worth anything due to the people who have supported me along the way. every kind anon who has taken the time out of their day to drop a small message are the exact people who make this space lively and fun. you, anon, are also one of them! without any of you, my blog would just be me shitposting to the void like a fucking crazy person. these interactions are what make cinnaminsvga a welcoming place, and i will never stop being appreciative of how i get to share these moments with all of you. whether you’ve stayed with me for years or if you’ve only started following me a day ago: you all are what makes this “place” feel like home.

so in short, to answer your question (after me rambling for 3403294 years): yes, i do wish i could kiss/hug every single anon who has been kind to me. i hope you find someone like that anon who can say with their whole heart that they find a home in you, because honestly... it’s a good feeling. 

#THIS GOT SO LONG IM SO SORRY LOL #it took so long for me to answer too bc i wanted to express myself clearly #but i feel like i just rambled for eons LOL im sorry anon #but this ask just reminds me... in 2019 i wrote this long ass letter to my followers #that i never posted but its still in my drafts #i got too embarrassed to actually hit publish bc it was SO cheesy but... you know what #perhaps i'll post it soon... maybe on my blog anniversary? #its coming up in a week i think! so yea... maybe then #i love my anons... zee anons are the best yall are crazy sweet and funny human beings and i love that #yall have made the last four years of my life so enjoyable and i cannot thank all of you enough #okay i gotta stop before i run out of characters ahhhhh #Anonymous #answered

[hockstuff]

hi, I just wanted to send some love and appreciation your way! I only started getting into hockey towards the end of May this year and a lot has happened since then but you’ve been so helpful in explaining so many things and I’ve learned so much about hockey from you! i love that you’ve created such a safe space that people feel comfortable enough to ask you questions without fear of being judged or seen as dumb. also, your posts are so funny and they always make me laugh or smile!

oh my god this is the nicest, sweetest, most loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me 🥺😭 i really really love and appreciate you for saying this even tho you really didn’t have to!! im so so glad people are able to understand my very ramble-y explanations ahaha and i cant begin to express how agsjdslks i am about this! i remember how confusing and difficult it was for me to wrap my head around everything when i first got into hockey so if i’m able to help even just one person understand something they’re wondering i get so so happy🥰 ive never claimed to be an expert or anything and i know how gatekeep-y these things can be so i’m so relieved you find my blog to be a safe space ahhhhhh just thank you thank you thank you for this!!! you really made my day!! made my week!!! ily!!!!! 💗💗💗 also, welcome to hockeyblr!!!! and moment of silence for you for being victimized by my more-often-than-not dumb posts and tags ahahaha

#brb i WILL be thinking about you and this ask for the rest of my life and even then i will carry it with me to heaven or hell #or whoever i end up lmaoooo #gosh damn you for making me cry on this thursday afternoon😭🔪 #ask #lovely people

[wolfsgravity]

I can’t sleep so I’m just thinkin’ about my range of Pokémon romantic F/Os. This series has meant so much to me for so long, and I know F/Os from that source make up a decent portion of my list. I’d feel more embarrassed about it if I didn’t make it abundantly clear that Pokémon is one of the most pervasive influences in my life from an exceedingly young age.

I just. I dunno. I find my collection of Pokémon series F/Os so interesting.

I’m just gonna ramble a bit.

I’m going to talk in Generational order, because my 1am brain couldn’t decipher a more cohesive timeline if it tried.

Giovanni is a funny one. As a kid, his character in the show intimidated me a little. But I really loved Team Rocket on some level. They were my first Pokémon villain organization, and with the Gen III games having Aqua and Magma, I decided pretty early that Team Rocket was my team. I had a stint in Magma since when I was young, I thought I’d specialize in Fire types, but eh it didn’t stick. No team really stuck nearly as much until Team Skull! So I had a lot of time for my intimidation from Giovanni to evolve into a fearful respect, to a mild devotion… by the time I played Let’s Go! and Ultra Moon, I was more than a little excited to see him in game. As in, I would quietly cheer when he appeared on my screen, in some weird giddy manner. It was only a matter of time before I realized I was crushing hard.

Steven Stone (he has a full name so more often than not I use it when referring to him) probably didn’t make the biggest impact on me in the original Gen III games? Hoenn was my favorite region for a while (in part due to pre- “Hoenn confirmed” hype), but he didn’t have a huge role in Ruby/Sapphire. Maybe I noticed him first in Emerald? I wish I could remember my real first inkling of crush on him, because I just remember when I played Omega Ruby… I was already obsessed with him. He showed up for the first time in game and I squealed. I spent the whole game seeking him out and already making romantic passes at him in my around-19-year-old head.

I am counting Grovyle for this, but it bears repeating that my S/I for the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games is a Pokémon too. Those Mystery Dungeon games enamored me as a teen! I got to BE! A POKEMON!! So I probably got Explorers of Time/Darkness for DS not long after it released in 2008. I was so excited to have Gen IV Pokémon to be and battle and recruit, ugh, this game meant so much to me. I will always remember being part of Wigglytuff’s Guild super fondly. And like, as I am super susceptible to mental role play, putting myself in my characters shoes (or lil toe beans I guess) has always been second nature for me. So a dashing Grovyle just jumped into my silly life and was the most honorable and misunderstood character and I am not even joking when I say I fell for him in my first playthrough. And I’ve played through it a lot. I was always jealous of Celebi. I hate every Dusknoir I see to this day. *chefs kiss* Good game.

Gen V is “oops all F/Os” Gen, where to even start..

Just kidding, N is the obvious choice to start for me. He was love at first sight. He just, ugh, he cares about Pokémon SO MUCH. I literally don’t know how to even expand on this. He literally rode the Ferris Wheel with the player character in the game, and I WASNT supposed to interpret that as a date? Wack. It was a date. I love him so damn much. Next question

Elesa comes next because I’ve always thought she was stunning. I mean, duh I guess, she’s canonically a model. Also, Electric types are in my top 3, behind Fairy and somewhat tied with Fire, so she was a woman after my own heart. Her Emolga kinda wrecked my team and I respect that. Also, she loves puns. So again. Woman after my own heart. The only reason she’s still listed as Crush and not as Dating is because she intimidates me. She’s out of my league and I worry she’d only see me as a friend. Well, not “only”, her and Skyla are bffs and that also looks fun. I just. Can’t imagine her romantically being interested in me sometimes. Heh.

Grimsley was a crush that came on yeeeaaaars after his Gen, and it hit me like a freight train. I swear, he made very little impression on me in B/W, because I was young and I was just excited to possibly see N again as champion. I was a little shit, okay. I also never played B2/W2 all the way through, which is a huge stain on my Pokémon record. Anyways. When he showed up in Sun/Moon, I gasped. I was like, that’s a familiar face. Why is he hot now? (The answer is we was always hot, and I just had a few years to grow between games). But like, I kind of tamped it back down? I think I legit tried to tell myself around Sun/Moon era that I can’t keep finding Pokémon characters hot, because I was drooling over another one in Moon. Anywho. Grimsley kept popping up as fanart on my Tumblr dash for a while and by the time I pulled him in Pokémon Masters, I slipped into love. Whoops.

Professor Sycamore, probably not my proudest moment of fandom. He was another one I liked from the very introduction. I made fun of him in equal measure, but I affectionately referred to him as “Professor Hotdad” for an embarrassingly long amount of time. He’s not even the oldest of my Pokémon F/Os. One of my other Pokémon F/Os is canonically a father. But nope. Sycamore was Hotdad. That all said, he did make me smile like a crush-stricken schoolgirl when he talked in game so it wasn’t all just memey objectification. I do love him dearly.

Gen VII! Alola! Guzma! Oh man, like I’d stated earlier, Team Skull really nestled it’s way close to my heart the way no team had since Team Rocket. It wasn’t all because of Guzma, I really did like the group of ragtag misfits banding together and creating a family. Guzma was icing on the cake. Oh boy, he made my heart do funny little flips even when he was threatening me in game. I loved his design, I loved his character, the way he talked, I just. Ugh, I was down bad for ya boy in Moon and Ultra Moon. He’s actually the inspiration behind my main blog url: its-ya-boi-remington. The “Y’all are stupid!” line and face lives in my head rent free at all times. Guzma protection squad.

(Nanu isn’t a romantic so I won’t talk about him here, just know I’m not forgetting him!)

Leon was, believe it or not, my actual first Gen VIII crush. I saw that fashion disaster and felt a warm comfort from him. It didn’t help that I mentally read every character in Galar with some UK/British Isles accent, that sweetened the deal. I was actually gushing to a couple then-friends about Leon while we all played Sword/Shield together and they kind of mocked me about it. They chided me that Leon “doesn’t bat for my team” and said either of them would have a better chance with him if he were real. So I was a little downtrodden about Leon after that for quite a while. It wasn’t until a couple months ago when suddenly it hit me that A- He’s literally fictional and my version of him can like me regardless of what “team he bats for” and B- I’m nonbinary? So rules get thrown out the window, anyone who likes me is both a miracle and some kind of gay whatever way you spin it. So I let myself warm back up to him, though I’m still a little skittish from before.

Piers, I guess, as awful as it sounds, was initially a crush rebound. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’d have been attracted either way. He’s a musician, a SINGER no less, and has that emo/punk vibe. But he’s also gentle and kind. Swoon. But it helped that I had my crush-feelers out full-force for a cutie in game to obsess over since I was still butthurt about my “friends” killing my crush on Leon. Obsess I did, and continue to do. I could probably snap this man over my knee like firewood he’s so lanky, idk why I put that in here but it’s staying. Piers is the one I most imagine jamming out with on a regular basis, and it makes performing for no one a bit more fun 🥰

I’m finally getting tired, I feel like I’ve been typing this for an hour. I probably have been. Ah geez now I gotta tag all these F/Os lmao. Thanks for letting me ramble.

#all my Pokémon romantic ships ahoy #ship: darkpoppunk #ship: it’s ya bois #ship: despite being french #ship: natural number one #ship: da boss’s favorite #ship: she’s electrifyin #ship: taking a gamble on you #ship: I got lost in your eyes #ship: time stops for you

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

[amphipodgirl]

fic writer interview

Thank you to @omgcmere for tagging me!

name: Chris. I have two fan fic posting names, Ampithoe for General and Teen rated fic and Gammarus for Mature and Explicit. If you ever see an AmphipodGirl on some other social media platform, it’s probably me. 8^)

fandoms: Carry On is my first love, my fandom home, the only fandom I’ve written for (not counting some crossovers). I really love reading TRC fic and hope to write some eventually, and there are also some RWRB fics that I love. I’ve recently become obsessed with Alexis Hall’s explicit mlm romances (the Spires and Arden St. Ives series) and would love to see more fan fics written for those!

where you post: AO3 -- it’s the only fan fic site I’ve been either a writer or a reader for (yes, I’m a newbie!)

most popular one-shot: The Courtship of Princess Agatha, a cute little fairytale AU, almost a fable.

most popular multi-chapter: Parent-Teacher Association I had been really loving some slow-burn non-magical AU fics, so I gathered up my courage and wrote one of my own. I don’t think I really nailed the “slow burn” part -- I’ve learned some stuff since then -- but I do love it dearly. They say “write what you know” and I don’t know anything about working in a coffeeshop or a bookstore; I know about IEP meetings and chronic illness -- so Foster Dad Simon and Crohn’s Disease Baz were born.

favorite story I’ve written so far: I’m awfully fond of PTA, but my real labor of love was Mi Chamocha (Who Is Like You). It has Baz as an Egyptian scribe and Simon as a Hebrew slave living (and eventually loving) through the tumultuous events of the Biblical Exodus. I really enjoyed digging deep into Exodus and I also feel like I really made the slow burn work.

fic you were nervous to post: I don’t usually have a lot of nerves about posting a fic, but A People Pet was my first smut fic and that had me kind of uncertain. 

how do you choose your titles: Usually something comes to me at some point while I’m working on the fic. I’ll feel stuck for a long time, but then something will just hit me, and I’ll be like “Yes! That!” I was so happy when I came up with the title for Mi Chamocha, which had been a WIP for months under the name Exodus AU.

do you outline: A bit? I usually spend a while thinking about the fic and jotting random notes, which include different things that could happen in the story. Eventually I pick the ones I want to use and put them in some order and that’s my very simple outline. I’ll then write each one up as a chapter, and rotate between chapters as I write -- going back to put more detail and polish on each one. Cycling between chapters helps me keep my brain fresh. I have one current WIP that’s pretty complicated -- four important characters, and I want to be sure that I’m covering feelings and character development for all of them -- and my old, lightweight outlining style isn’t going to be enough. I’ve downloaded Scrivener and I’m hoping that will give me the ability to see all those dimensions and keep track of all of it.

complete: I have 14 published fics between my two accounts -- three are multi-chaptered and the rest are one-shots. I wrote all of those this year -- I published my first (short and slightly pointless) fic at the beginning of March.

in progress: I’m working actively on the complicated 4-character piece I mentioned above. I’ve also got a few other WIPs: one with the working title “cuff smut”, one where Shep first meets Blue, and The Longest Time, which is the sequel to PTA. I definitely want to finish The Longest Time; whether I finish the other two remains to be seen.

coming soon: A couple of days ago I wrote a sweet fluffy one-shot for the Carry On Winter Flash Exchange. I’ll probably post that on 12/23, which is the first day of posting for the exchange. I’m really happy with what I wrote and I hope my recipient likes it!

prompts: I don’t really solicit prompts; I’m not confident about being able to just come up with something for any given idea. When I looked at the prompt list for this year’s Carry On Countdown, I only had ideas for a few of the prompts, and I only ended up finishing and posting two of them. 

I tag @banjjakbanjjak @flammable-grimm-pitch @im-gettingby @arca9 @super-duper-twelve @gampyre @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @thehoneyedhufflepuff @captain-aralias and anyone else who would like to ramble on about their writing life.

#tag games #get to know you #writing life #simon snow series #ampithoe #gammarus #those are the names of two genera of amphipods #yes i'm a marine invertebrate geek

[hxpemingi]

missing puzzle piece <3 s.c.b

a/n: this is my first ever lil au that ive written so please bare with me as i’m typing this as i go hehe (✿◠‿◠) sorry for any grammatical errors!!

Summary: you and changbin have been friends for years, you’ve always had a soft spot for this kid.  You have always had those lingering thoughts in the back of your mind that maybe one day this friendship could turn into something more..

word count: 2.6k 

genre/rating: oneshot!, friends to lovers!, female reader, college age, fluff, just pure fluff, angst if you squint.

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As the summer winds down and the sense of the cool breeze fills the air, i know soon enough that the fall semester is coming closer.  i dont mind school all that much, its even better that i get to spend the day with one of my closest friends changbin.  we’ve been friends for gosh knows how long and we act like brother and sister at this point. But nonetheless, theres always that feeling of “what if” in the back of my mind.... what if we did end up dating? I always feel like a puzzle with a missing piece.... I want to find someone to complete the puzzle.  As i shove those thoughts to the back of my mind i hear my phone buzzing on my bed.

-Binnie 6:30pm-

what u doing tonight? are you free??

-Y/N 6:33pm-

i have a hot date with a bowl of ice cream and the couch tonight, but i guess i can rain check. whatchu got planned?

-Binnie 6:37pm-

Wanna go to the beach with me and the boys? we plan on chilling and watching the sunset with a fire and a few drinks.  whaddya say you in?

-Y/N 6:40pm-

count me in...pick me up in 30

-Binnie 6:45pm-

shweeeeet see u then

As soon as i see that text, i put my phone down and change out of some comfy clothes and change into shorts and a cropped tee.  I should probably bring a hoodie but i know Changbin has a few in his car.  I swear that man has a whole closet in his car.  I put on a pair of slip on shoes so that way i can take them off when I’m at the beach.  As I’m putting on shoes i see Changbin’s car pull into my driveway.  After grabbing my house keys and purse I head down the driveway to get into the car where Felix and Han are in the backseat giving me the front seat.

“Glad you gave up your hot date with ice cream to hangout with us tonight” Changbin says as he heads down the road to get to the beach.

“You know i was gonna finish Avatar tonight and cry over my love for zuko but NOOOOOOO i’m gonna become a babysitter for 9 kids as they throw each other in the ocean” i say with the slightest bit of sarcasm

“Oh c’mon Y/N, the ending of avatar can wait. theres supposed to be a comet tonight!!!!” Felix chirps from the backseat

“Yeah Y/N the sky is supposed to be clear and we’ll be able to see it pass by, you wont be able to see it for another 100 years!” Han chimes in.

“They’re right Y/N, it’s a perfect night to watch it.  When will you ever be able to say you’ve seen a comet pass by in your lifetime?” Changbin adds to the conversation.

“I’m pretty sure I saw a comet that time where we were all star gazing on Minho’s roof last summer” i say to them as changbin pulls into the beach parking lot.

“Y/N i hate to break it to you, but that was an airplane.” Han says while Felix giggles.

I turn back at the giggling fools and give them a glare.

“I SHALL STAND BY THE FACT THAT IT WAS A COMET YOU TWO” i say back to the boys as Changbin puts the car into park.

We meet up with the rest of the boys who are currently setting up a makeshift fire pit and setting out some foldable chairs, thats when i realize theres 9 chairs but 10 people.  Guess I will have to sit in the sand.  I don’t worry about it too much when i see Chan currently chasing Seungmin with a dead jellyfish on a stick trying to poke him.  We haven’t been here a total of 5 minutes and there’s already chaos.

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After an hour or two of the boys running around in the sand, throwing each other in the water, and a quite competitive game of tag, the sun starts to turn the sky the most beautiful shades of orange and red.  Chan runs to his car to grab a speaker and Hyunjin starts a fire.  Pretty soon the boys gather around the fire when Jeongin says 

“Guys theres only 9 chairs and 10 of us...”

“I’ll just sit on the sand.” I say as I get ready to sit in the sand.

“Y/N, just sit on my lap” Changbin says quietly as you didn’t hear him walk up behind you

“Nono Binnie it’s fine I-”

“No excuses, now come on” he says as he drags me with my hand in his.

While I’m sure no one saw that encounter, I’m pretty sure they see the huge blush that has crept across my face.  Sure I’ve sat on changbins lap before, we do it when theres movie night at Woojins place.  It’s nothing new between us but my feelings for Changbin push through my mind and soon enough, I’m sitting on his lap trying to make myself comfy on his thighs.  Changbin casually snakes his hands across my waist and i suddenly freeze up.  Well thats new, he normally never does that. I try to relax my body and for some reason, it feels natural.  I suddenly feel safe in his arms. 

“Does anyone know when this whole comet thing will come??” Minho says as the music plays in the background.

“According to my phone, it says that we’ll be able to see it pass through around 10 or so.” Felix says as he looks it up on his phone.

“Well since we have time to kill, how about a friendly game of truth or dare?” Hyunjin adds to the conversation.

the group and I nod our heads in agreement as the game of truth or dare starts.

“Seungmin, Truth or dare?” Hyunjin starts off.

“Dare” Seungmin says non chalantly.

“I dare you to run into the ocean with your shoes on” hyunjin says while everyone giggles

“Really? I just bought these shoes ughhhhh” Seungmin sighs as he gets up from his chair and runs towards the water

“I hate this i hate this i hate this” he says as everyone by the fire laughs hysterically 

Once he returns back to the shore where the fire pit is, he takes off his shoes and sits down with a huff.

“alright lets see, Y/N truth or dare?” He says as his eyes direct towards me and changbin.  

I’m not one to play these games so i decided to play it safe

“Truth” i say

“BOOORRRRRINGGGGGGG” Han says from the other side of the fire

“Hmm, when was the last time you kissed a boy?” he says and the group falls silent

Shit, when was the last time i kissed someone? well besides my cat Lucifer i don’t think i’ve ever kissed anyone? Do I lie and say last week? or do I tell the truth and say no one?

“uhhh never” I say in a quiet voice as everyone eyes are glued to me still.  I can feel Changbins gaze on me as he tenses up a little bit, squeezing his arms a little tighter around me

“You really haven’t kissed anyone? Not even that kid you were seeing last semester?” Changbin whispers into my ear

“No we went on two dates and he was a total square and was really boring, he never initiated anything anyways” I say back

“Alrighty Y/N, you can ask a truth or dare or have someone else pick” Seungmin says as he waits for my response

“uhm, Changbin can pick who goes next” I say as I look down at the sand, my feet becoming more interesting

“Can I dare myself?” Changbin says as the group shares a puzzled look with eachother. It’s quiet for a moment before Chan says

“I mean it’s not a rule that you can’t do it but I guess go ahead buddy”

“Alright, I dare myself that I go on a walk with Y/N for a bit. You guys can keep playing” he says and I perk my head up and turn around facing him, giving him a puzzled look.

“Why would you wanna dare yourself to do something so casual?” I say as I get up off of his lap. My waist feeling empty as I grew used to having Changbins arms wrapped around me

“It was beginning to get boring anyways, plus my leg fell asleep from you sitting on it” he chuckles

As we two walk away from the guys who are giggling and laughing, their voices become faint as all I hear are the waves crashing along the shore. It’s peaceful, it’s quiet, and it’s just Changbin and I.

It’s silent for a few minutes before Changbin exhales and stops for a moment to look at the water and the stars up in the sky.

“How come you never told me you haven’t kissed anyone? Cmon Y/N we’ve been friends for years. We tell eachother everything” Changbin says and I look over at the water avoiding his eye contact

“I just didn’t think it was that big of a deal. How lame is it that I haven’t even had my first kiss and my younger sister has for gods sake? I sound like a loser saying it. It’s easy for you to say, I bet you boast to the boys on how many girls fling themselves at you.” I say with a hint of jealousy at the end.

“I don’t think it’s lame y/n, you’re just saving yourself for someone special. And no I do not brag to the boys about “all the girls I get” when in reality I have a different girl in mind.” He says as he goes and steps in front of me. Faces inches away from each other.

I take a few steps back to get some space between us. He’s acting different. It seems like this girl is really sweet from the sounds of it. I try not to act jealous when I start to ask about her

“Who’s this special girl in mind huh? How come you never brought this up to me? Do I approve of her?” I start to spit fire questions at Changbin before he starts talking again.

“I’ve never brought it up to you because I don’t want to ruin anything that I already have with her. I’ve been so nervous to fully confess my feelings because there’s that thought in the back of my mind that maybe she doesn’t like me back.” Changbin rambles when you cut him off

“Why don’t you man up and do it already? I mean the worst thing she could say is no right? Who knows, maybe she does like you back.” I say and Changbin blurts out

“I like you a lot y/n, like a lot a lot”

Holy shit

Seo Changbin, my best friend of 11 years

Just confessed

That he likes me????

“I- I- really? You’re kidding right? Changbin don’t play with my feelings-“ I say before he cuts me off

“Y/n I’m serious, I’ve liked you for a long time and I didn’t know how you would feel, but I know it was stupid of me to confess you know? I probably ruined everything and now our friendship is ruined and nothing will ever be the same again and I-“ before he rambles himself into oblivion i cut him off.

“The feelings mutual binnie, I’ve liked you for god knows how long” i say as he looks up at me.

“I’ve liked you since that day when I jumped off the jungle gym in 3rd grade and you helped me to the nurses office. I’ve always had those feelings for you but I always pushed them back in my head because who knows how you would feel right? So whenever you went and saw other girls it made me the slightest bit jealous. Always wondering if that could be us someday. So then I went on dates with guys but nothing lasted for more than one date. They weren’t you Changbin. It was always you” I say so fast i almost run out of breath

We look at eachother for a few moments before Changbin wraps one of his arms around my waist, taking his other and tucking a few strands of loose hair behind my ear. We look at each other for a few moments as my hands snake up around his neck, definitely a feeling I could get used too. His eyes go from my eyes, down to my lips, then back up to my eyes.

“Since you never had your first kiss, may I?” Changbin says as he’s looking at me like I’m the finest piece of art in the world. Taking in everyone of my features.

“I’d thought you’d never ask” I say with a grin.

He closes the distance between us and both of our eyes close. His lips are warm and soft. Although I’ve never kissed anyone before I start to follow his lead and mirror what he’s doing. It’s a slow and adoring kiss. Not anything fast or sensual. We take our time to see how our lips mold into one another. We break away for a few moments and Changbin puts his forehead on mine.

“You know for not kissing anyone, it seems like you knew what you were doing” he says with a childish grin

“Eh from all the rom coms I’ve watched I feel like I had a good grasp of what I was doing” I say back before he kisses me again. 

I kiss him as if he’s going to disappear from me, pretty soon he has both of his hands around my waist, squeezing my sides earning a quiet yelp from me.  We break away the kiss again and i see him look up in the sky.

“Y/n there it is!!! It’s the comet” he says as he turns me around, hugging me from behind. His chin rests gently on my shoulder as we look at the comet pass by.  

“I don’t think I’ve seen anything more jaw dropping than this before” I say as i look closely at the comet passing by.

“Oh trust me princess, this comet is pretty. but nothing will compare to you” he says as he pecks my neck with kisses.

“We should probably go back before the guys round up a search party for us.” i say while leaving his touch and grab his hand, heading back to the crazy bunch of boys.

Once we make our way back to the gang they look at us with questioning looks, we’re both smiling like idiots and our hands are intertwined.

“What took you guys so long??? You missed the comet, you should’ve seen it!” Jeongin says

“Do i even wanna know what happened?” Chan says, raising a brow at us.

“Don’t worry guys, we stopped and saw the comet too. Nothing crazy happened.” Changbin says with a sheepish grin and I start giggling 

“Did you two confess to one another yet? I’ve been waiting for this.” Hyunjin says as the boys nod their heads in agreement.

“Yeah Bin, did you finally grow a set and confess? I was getting sick of the late night texts saying “ooooo im in L word my guy” “bro she looks so good today”- UGH” Han continues to ramble while Felix elbows him in the gut. 

Changbin and I look at each other and start laughing, he leans down and pecks me on the lips. Earning a few “awws” and an “ew” from Jeongin.

“Does that answer everyones questions?”  Changbin says as we sit back down by the fire. 

We sit back down and start chatting at the fire, talking about the comet and small talk in between. For the first time in my life, I feel content with everything. Content with these 8 crazy boys I can call my friends. And Changbin, everything feels so right finally. It feels like all the puzzle pieces have been put together

Changbin was my missing puzzle piece. 

And now the puzzle is complete.

#changbin #seo changbin #stray kids #friends to more #skz #skz changbin #kpop scenarios #kpop au #kpop #changbeanie #fluff #changbin fluff #ftl #stray kids changbin #stray kids seo changbin #college au #stray kids smut #stray kids everywhere all around the world #stray kids edits #stray kids au

[queerbluebird]

Continuing conversation

Hello @phynali. Hopefully that tag works right... I'm making a new post so everything can be under a cut and not a million miles long. I'm not sure if you're still interested in this conversation, but I ended up writing another novel so I'm just gonna post it. Whether you read this continuation or not, thanks for engaging thoughtfully on this subject.

@ everyone else, carry on scrolling unless you care to read a very long commentary on the SPN finale.

i’m not sure what that is, maybe it’s how these fans relate to dean’s story? how they relate to cas? 

I think it's a bit of both of those things, and also about seeing a story that involved a family versus seeing a story about two brothers alone together. (And also a general desire for continuity… Eileen who?) I think there's an extremely high overlap between people who ship Destiel and people who were reading Supernatural as a story to which Team Free Will was integral. There's a lot less talk about it now with the finale to hate on, but a lot of people in Destiel spheres were disappointed about Jack leaving forever too. Like, they did just have a scene about the Winchesters loving Jack without him fitting into some Grand Plan. I think the loss of Jack was tempered by both an expectation that 19 would be subpar due to its writers (I haven't really followed who wrote what, but I've seen that sentiment from a lot of folk) and that Cas would be part of 20. There's also a particular metanarrative about Cas specifically, and his relation to free will, that I imagine played into an expectation that he would be there, which I'll explain further down. So there's an expectation of a Team Free Will ending, and an expectation that Cas specifically plays a role in that (especially after Becky's "no one even mentions Cas" critique, like. I really have no idea how to perceive that scene in retrospect). But, come the end of 20, it's apparent that Team Free Will is well and truly no more; it's just Sam and Dean alone together, with a brief intermission of being basically alone and not together. 

2

I agree with everything you said here, and I think it contributes to my point, honestly. I read something else into it on top of that because any cassette or set of cassettes could fit that purpose. But this wasn't just music, or even just a mixtape. It was specifically music that Dean, who places a lot of importance on music, associates with his parents catching feelings for each other. And not only that... as I was writing this I thought "Dean really likes Zeppelin, uses them for aliases all the time, so maybe he has all sorts of associations with that music and I'm just being selective." But you know where else they come up? In 2x02 when Dean hesitated after he was about to proposition Jo and she says "You know, I thought you were gonna toss me some cheap pickup line. Most hunters come through that door think they can get in my pants with some... pizza, a six pack, and side one of Zeppelin IV." And Dean says "well… what a bunch of scumbags," but he sure does have a particular look on his face when he says it, like probably that's exactly his idea of a solid proposition. And in 4x14, when Dean's siren seduces him with Zeppelin trivia. Plus the comment about Dean's parents, we're 3 out of 4 for times I can find where Zeppelin is mentioned explicitly, as opposed to just a reference. And the fourth time? Is when Dean tells Chuck's publisher that his favorite songs are Ramble On:

I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl

On my way

I've been this way ten years to the day

Ramble on

Gotta find the queen of all my dreams

Let's not talk about how he met this girl in the darkest depths of Mordor. And Traveling Riverside Blues:

See my baby, tell her, Tell her hurry home

Had no lovin', since my baby been gone

[...]

Squeeze my lemon 'til the juice runs down my leg

Squeeze it so hard, I'll fall right out of bed

So... Dean. For whom music is super important, and the meaning of music is super important, and for whom music is basically his love language with people who are important to him… If he was going to give someone the gift of music, do we figure he'd give that person some random music, or some music that meant something to him specifically? It's a mixtape, it could be a whole selection. Dean likes AC/DC, Metallica, KISS, Van Halen, Fleetwood Mac, the list goes on and on, well enough for cover ID's. And for that matter, they didn't have to tell us what was on the tape at all to give us the subtext you've described. "Dean's top 10" or "mandatory listening" or "music for the road" would have given us the same context; the authors chose to tell us it was Zeppelin. So if Dean were to put some thought into what music he was going to give Cas, what might Led Zeppelin in particular mean to him?

3 

I confess that I'm not sure if we're using subtext the same or not, because whether or not something is apparent is a matter of perspective (see: general audience reception of Cas' confession), and none of us knows more than a small fraction of the intent at any given time. If one writer writes something with intent, and another writes something else directly counter to that intent, which one counts? Not to mention, even in this very limited discussion, we've already touched more than once on things that were intended but never came to pass, and we know that the opposite happens too. How do we, as the audience who do not know the intent, know the difference between Cas' 'it could be read as romantic but not necessarily' and Dean's 'it could be read as romantic but not necessarily?' What is it that Cas' subtext has that Dean's lacks? (And I say this especially because I expected Cas' side to be subtext the whole way out; would that subtext have been less so if Cas hadn't stated his love before the end? Would Cas' feelings, which you consider deliberate canonical foreshadowing, have been queerbait if Cas hadn't had that confession scene?)

Like, when we talk about subtext... If Crowley says to demon!Dean (in 10x01) "we've done extraordinary things to triplets," and in that same bar we see Crowley and demon!Dean hanging out with two men who are identical, is that subtext telling us that when Dean was a demon he canonically had sex with four men at once? Or are identical twins cast as extras on Supernatural often enough that we should assume it's just a coincidence? (You know who else Dean "split [triplets] up fair and square" with? Lee Webb. 15x07) Does the answer depend on who among the creators of Supernatural instigated the casting of identical twins for those roles?

(If Jared says Dean wouldn't have wanted Sam to marry Eileen, and Dean canonically says "I'm just saying if it was to work, Eileen, you know, she gets it. She gets us. She gets the life. She's hot. [...] I'm happy for you, Sammy." What is true for us, as the audience? I know you mentioned not liking the Saileen relationship, but can you honestly argue that it wasn't built up throughout season 15 as though it was going somewhere?)

((And like, okay, aside: I asked before what the purpose of building a relationship between Sam and Eileen was if Eileen was just going to get nixed in the finale, right? But like. "You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are." (15x02, Cas to Dean) and "I don't know what's real any more." [Sam kisses Eileen] "I know that was real." (15x09, Eileen / Sam). Both pairs deal with relationship strain from Chuck. Eileen and Cas both dying in 15x18, to devastating effect on Sam and Dean respectively, neither of them able to speak about it and still keep going. Eileen and Cas never being seen or heard from again...))

given that Sam is the one to always talk down dean when he’s holding the first blade, i actually think Sam is the Colette mirror? 

I mean. Cain does have a fairly prominently known brother… And he says to Dean "You're living my life in reverse." Cain killed Abel (his brother), and later Colette (his wife). He tells Dean 'you'll kill Crowley (there's some spirited debate about who/what Crowley mirrors), then Castiel (???), then your brother (Dean's… brother).' So, either Sam is mirrored to both Colette and Abel in this reverse business and Cas has no mirror, or... 

Amelia and Don in S8 is another example

I'm a little entertained by this, because the parallel I always think of re: Amelia is Sam's breakup with Amelia parallel to Dean's breakup with Benny. (There are actually several times that Sam's romanticish interactions with women are intercut with Dean's interactions with men.) And while, despite my Denny shipper heart, I think it may be a stretch to say Benny was intended to be read as a romantic interest for Dean (though idk, there's some real interesting tension between Benny and Cas with Dean in the middle), there was a script in there that called it a breakup, and there was Charlie's "Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone, too?" in 8x11. Which sure is. Something. 

(Hilariously, in the time between my writing this and posting it, Ty Olsson, who plays Benny, has said "DeanBenny is canon;" how does that affect this subtext? Was my Denny shipper heart right all along?)

I’m also not sure which references to Cas you’re mentioning in 14x10

That would be Pamela (Dean's first attempt to contact Castiel, who put her hand on Cas' handprint on Dean), wearing a shirt that says "to hell and back" and a silver necklace of a winged figure. I get that any one of those things would be meaningless, but the three together just seems, Idk, a little pointed? To me. A plausible deniability kind of pointed, like sharing music that just so happens to be a mixtape that also just so happens to have music that you associate with romance/sex/the perfect partner. Quite a coincidence. 

And I'll add, regarding your interpretation of that scene, that this is the context:

Dean: How come you always have a boyfriend?

Pamela: How come you only want what you can't have?

Dean: Whoa.

Pamela: Besides, you don't want me. You just like to flirt. I'm a psychic, so I kinda know.

Dean: All right.

The context here is romantic/sexual on both sides of the line in question. So, if subtext must be readily interpretable, is a subtext that changes the subject for one quick line more readily interpretable than a subtext that's within the subject of the conversation? 'How come you're always romantically/sexually unavailable?' 'How come you only want what’s romantically/sexually unavailable?' VS 'How come you're always romantically/sexually unavailable?' 'How come you only want a different personal history?'

Read of the text vs subtext, one of those does seem like it's more of a stretch than the other, to me. If we do take the question in context, and if Dean's subconscious Pamela knows that Dean doesn't actually want Pamela, what (or who) might Dean's subconscious be accusing him of wanting (romantically/sexually) that he can't have?

5

Something I do think we disagree about the definition of, or at least how it works, is queerbaiting. You seem to be implying that a public denial of queer content means it's not queerbaiting but that's like, what queerbaiting is by definition. If there's queer content, and they admit that it's queer content, then it's not queerbaiting, it's just queer content. Queerbaiting is specifically the overlap of queer content and public denial; public denial is a necessary component, because queerbaiting only happens when they're trying to entice queer people into watching something that they're publicizing as strictly straight. The alternative, of course, is that it's deliberately straight content that's being misinterpreted as queer and the public denial of queerness is legitimate. And the difference to us as an audience is that there's really only so many times a character can be subtextually queer coded before it strains credulity that so many instances of queer subtext could be accidental or coincidental. Dean crossed that threshold like, way way back there. And we know that Supernatural knows the difference because we can directly compare Dean and Sam. 

It's maybe besides the point, but I do struggle with this Idea that Jensen plays Dean as straight because there really are some acting choices that I simply can't think of a heterosexual explanation for. Like Dean's series of movements and facial expressions in that reaction sequence in 8x07. When I saw gifs of that before I got into SPN I was sure people were taking it out of context, but they absolutely weren't. What is the heterosexual explanation for that? Or for the number of times that Dean looks at Cas' mouth during charged moments?

A little more to the point, what does 'not acting as a bisexual' mean in a context where someone else is explicitly dictating who your character pays attention to? It's one thing for Jensen to say "I was not acting Dean as attracted to Male Character in this scene," but to say "I was not acting as bisexual" is just… I mean, what is the difference between how a bisexual person is acted and how a straight person is acted?

And like, here's the thing about Dean's sexual orientation. Why "Bert and Ernie are gay?" (5x03) Genuine question. "If there's one thing I know for sure it's that you aren't gonna die a virgin" makes more sense for straight!Dean to say to someone wearing a guy's body that he's about to set up with a woman than suddenly bringing up subtextually gay characters and asserting that you know they're gay "for sure." How many low-key homophobic straight men who grew up in the 80s do we reckon knew Bert and Ernie were gay "for sure" that would take the opportunity of someone who would not understand the reference or understand how to tease them for noticing that subtext in order to say so out loud? (After giving that someone his "last night on earth" pickup line, no less.) 

This episode aired in 2009, at which point this was an even more controversial take than it would be today, not only for Dean to have in-universe, but for Dean to say on our TV screens. IRL, this was a "rumor" that had been officially debunked many times. Conservatives literally had run campaigns against Sesame Street over it. Why would a creative team put those words in Dean's mouth when it would be so easy to… not?

Funny enough, in 2018, Mark Saltzman, who wrote for Sesame Street from 1984-1998, confirmed that Bert and Ernie were a mirror for his own queer relationship (with Arnold Glassman, who edited The Celluloid Closet, 1995) when he was writing them. This tenure easily includes the time when Dean would have been watching Sesame Street, especially if he watched it with Sam while John was out (which, for Dean would have been an age when he would be more likely to start picking up on this sort of subtext). IRL, Saltzman was out as a gay man since the mid-80s, so both any queer coding (deliberate or incidental) included by Saltzman and his own relationship history would be available to the creators of Supernatural in 2009 when Dean spoke that line. And Dean wasn't the first to have an opinion on this; it had been a subject of extremely contentious debate for well over a decade. Of course, after Saltzman said what he said in 2018, Sesame Workshop and Frank Oz, co-creator and voice of Bert at that time, followed up by denying the possibility of Bert and Ernie being gay. Even though one of the writers himself, who wrote them, said that when he was writing them he was writing them as a "loving couple." (Truly, no show does meta irony like Supernatural.)

So... I'm not even sure what we'd consider the surface text for this. This thing Dean knows "for sure" is wrong, because Bert and Ernie aren't gay? It's a joke, even though Dean immediately sets out to make the second thing he knows come true? We have a possible reading of the text: Dean was older than the Sesame Street target audience when he watched it because that was when Sam was of target audience age and John was a mess who left his kids alone with the TV a lot, and that's why Dean's given Bert and Ernie's relationship enough thought to hold onto it as an adult. And then we have the subtext. Which is, Dean believes this to be true. Even if we IRL don't, Dean believes that Bert and Ernie are gay. Literally in order to access Dean's interpretation of things, we the audience have to come with him in reading queer subtext between Bert and Ernie. And I would argue that this is like, the loudest that subtext could possibly be, because you have to read it in order to understand the perspective of the character himself. We cannot share Dean's perspective unless we read queer subtext between two male characters (Bert and Ernie) who are by all public accounts (at the time that Dean says this) straight best friends. And yet, we are not meant to see the mirror for this queer subtext between two male characters (Dean and Castiel) who are by all public accounts straight best friends? Let's not talk about the meta sex-by-proxy implications of someone choosing and paying for a sexual experience for someone else. In this line, which is explicitly about being able to read subtext, specifically queer subtext, we are not meant to read any subtext at all?

I mean, the hell of it is, regardless of how we the audience interpret Bert and Ernie, or how that effects our interpretation of Dean and Castiel, Dean canonically, textually reads Bert and Ernie as gay. Dean Winchester canonically, textually reads queer subtext in a place where its existence has been publicly denied by the producer for over a decade (since at least 1993). He reads it accurately, as it turns out, but even if he hadn't... What are we supposed to make of that?

As I said before, I hesitate to blanket accuse the creators of queerbaiting because I think intention matters and that there's a difference between slipping queer content under the radar in an environment where its censored (like Sesame Street) vs slipping in queer content to earn money from queer people while publicly denying any association, and there are so many hands in Supernatural that it's essentially impossible to tell what came from who and with what intent. But publicly denying that there's anything queer to see definitely isn't the thing that absolves anyone.

And while this point was about Dean's sexual orientation, I think it's a question worth asking: if Cas confessing his love to Dean was a complete statement, without need of a reply, why not put it earlier in the season? Or earlier in the show in general? Why not during their early season break-up? Or during their reconciliation in Purgatory? If it's known canon that Dean doesn't love Castiel that way, why not have Dean let Cas know that his feelings are purely platonic, and use that to either contribute to the break-up or to their resolution that the strength of the bond between them is stronger than the ways they don't connect? It would have freed up Cas' moment of happiness to be about Jack, which is something you would have preferred as a non-shipper. Why save that interaction to the very, very end? 

I think we both know why. And whether that was queerbaiting on the part of the writers, or whether it was a genuine effort that didn't play out due to network interference, we may never know, but someone is holding the bag for that. 

And even having said that I do believe there's been deliberate subtextual reciprocated Destiel, I honestly don't think very many Destiel shippers expected there to be textual Destiel prior to 15x18. Even with 'a moment of true happiness' hanging over our heads, I still didn't expect anything Destiel would be said out loud, on either end. What I expected was more subtext. It only seemed like buildup after 15x18 because 15x18 turned all those years of subtext on Cas' side into buildup retroactively, and I can point to as much possible subtext for Dean as for Cas. And frankly I'm fairly doubtful that Cas' subtext was purposeful buildup that whole time; I think it was easily a combination of people who believed in that part of the story slipping in what they could when they could, with little to no expectation that it would ever come forward into text, and people who tried to make a joke of it only for it to be taken seriously because other people were taking it seriously. Like, a lot of Cas' queer subtext is homophobia targeted at him. Kind of like how there's a certain amount of homophobia targeted at Dean. But, after 15x18 we have a confession, with subtextual foreshadowing, plus an assumption that if free will wins out Cas will be there (because Team Free Will, and the particular way that Cas is associated with free will), and it's the combination of those two things that makes that into such a powerful hook. But, of course, we never see Cas again. (And again we have the question: if the writers genuinely thought that conversation was complete, why didn’t we see Cas again?)

.

Leaving the subject of Destiel...

in that sense, it was never going to be able to satisfying conclude the episode 19 stuff; it simply wasn’t meant to

Right, but what they used episode 20 to do was a choice. There was nothing to stop them from using 19/20 as a two part pair with 19 to cover the bulk of the plot and 20 to cover the emotional resolutions in its wake. (Ironically, that's actually how Dabb described the two episodes beforehand.) They chose to skip over the emotional resolution to offer a rushed cliff notes of the rest of Sam and Dean's lives instead. The fact that "it wasn't meant to" is largely the problem. A rushed coda doesn't offer emotional resolution to a 15 year show, it just slaps some even more disjointed and shoddy plot on the end. 

and i don’t blame the finale for that. it wasn’t meant to be about the season - they said very early on that episode 20 wasn’t a season finale, it was a series finale. it wasn’t ever going to tie up the seasonal arc(s) for us, it was meant to do something else entirely.

My issue, and the reason I blame the finale specifically (and 19 a bit), is that the whole purpose of a series finale, especially a series as long and involved as Supernatural, is to wrap things up emotionally. No plot has the longevity to reach back across the span of a whole series that long, which is kind of the point of your season 15 vent - trying to cram some kind of resonant plot into the end is rushed and ineffectual. At this point, the plot is essentially over, or at least it should be. Any remaining plot should be wrapping up loose ends. What does reach back across the entire series is the emotion. That should be the priority. This is the moment to give people resolution on the emotions you've opened up, and closure (in whatever form it may come) on a long-term emotional investment. And in many ways, resolving the emotions of season 15 is a resolution to the whole series because the whole of season 15 is essentially the climax of the series. There are so many emotional threads that have come through from early seasons to dangle in 18 and 19. But, relative to the amount of plot, 20 had almost no emotion. The overwhelming bulk of 20 was filler and nostalgia and comedic relief, and a montage we have almost zero emotional connection to. And the by far biggest emotional moment in the episode is one of new pain, not one of closure. Instead of taking 40 minutes to give a solid emotional resolution, they chose to try to cram 40 years of plot into 40 minutes, without any particular regard for tying up emotional loose ends.

And. Frankly, nothing demands an open ended plot more than a narrative of characters trying to kill their own author and then successfully removing his power to tell the story. Setting up a character as a writer, especially in a story that breaks the fourth wall as often as SPN, practically begs for a metanarrative in which Chuck = IRL writers/TPTB. In some ways the very act of continuing to tell the story afterward, without any shift in how the story is told, is an invalidation of the characters' victory over their author. We either have to purposefully overlook the metanarrative of Chuck = writers/TPTB, or accept that Chuck did not lose his power to tell the story of the Winchesters, simply because that story is still being told. The writers who have actually told the story thus far are still telling the story just the same as before; Sam and Dean "won," but nothing at all changed. 

I will add here that I think attention to this metanarrative is another reason Destiel fans especially feel betrayed by this particular ending. 

Cas is textually an agent of free will in the canon:

You know what every other version of you did after "gripping him tight and raising him from perdition?" They did what they were told. But not you. (Chuck, in 15x17)

But! He's also an agent of free will in the metanarrative! This statement that Chuck makes in the canon is also an exact match for the IRL authors' intentions for Castiel, and his apparent thwarting of that intention. Castiel wasn't meant to be a recurring character at all. But he became one. 

And then, again, he was intended to die permanently in season 7, but was brought back despite those intentions because he boosted viewership. (Which… is a sign in and of itself that the show had evolved past its lifespan as a brothers-alone-together story.) Destiel fans are a) a large part of that viewership (ie, people who stop watching when Cas is not there) and b) probably the most likely group of viewers to be following that metanarrative. Which, apparently really was just sheer coincidence, as much as that strains credulity on a show with a fourth wall as thin as Supernatural's. 

But like, is there a word for Cas-baiting, because I think this is its own major kick in the teeth: not only did Cas serve his purpose saving Dean and then get forgotten by the Winchesters, he was also used as an IRL tool by the authors, kept around just long enough to keep viewers who will only watch if Cas is/might be there tuned in until the end, then killed off in time to end with the brothers and no one else. The story of Sam and Dean alone is compelling, but it's just not 15-years compelling. If it was, Cas could have stayed dead in season 7. What kept the story alive so long was fan investment, and a considerable part of that investment was due to Cas and/or Team Free Will. If SPN wanted a brothers-only finale, it should have ended when the brothers-only story ran its course, not relied on the Team Free Will story to carry it for an extra decade, only to revert back at the end.

And, for all the claims of an "open ending," it's only ever used as a cop out. In terms of the actual story, the ending is hardly open in any way that matters, which, again, is its own kick in the teeth. They used a single, rushed, disjointed episode to tell the entire story of the rest of Sam and Dean's lives on earth. We can't headcanon that Dean retires. We can't headcanon that he buys a bar and hunts on the side. We can't headcanon that Sam becomes a witch, or a leader among hunters, or a Man of Letters or that Dean dies young and Sam spirals out of control in his grief and takes on increasingly risky hunts solo until one kills him so he can be with Dean in heaven sooner. We can't headcanon that they try to get Cas back, or succeed, or that Jack brings Cas back as human. The only things left "open ended" are whether they do the same thing they've always done for 1 week or 5 years and whether Sam invites his egg donor over to watch him play catch with his son or if that's his wife. All of the options that are not explicitly heterosexual American Dream are closed off to us much as possible, with only the fact that this is a canon where totally unhinged supernatural things happen keeping the door cracked.

(Incidentally, I'd be curious to know what the people-who-are-upset vs people-who-love-it divide is on that time gap between 19 and 20 because my perception was a couple weeks at most, and that seems to be the perception among folk in my Destiel spheres. SPN usually tells us when there are time gaps, and 20 was apparently at a time when something had prompted Dean to start filling out job applications but before any of them came to fruition, and I just can't imagine what that something might be if it wasn't the end of their battle with Chuck. I find it, Idunno, curious? Interesting? That some people are reading it as a long gap. I certainly don't, and I'm not sure if or how much it might change my feelings about the finale if I did. Probably not much, because I ultimately think it was the things that had already happened that needed resolution, and they skipped all that either way.)

In regards to your comments about Cas, I hear you and agree in part. I agree that Cas' fatherhood was a huge arc that got all but dropped, though presumably the father/son stuff is what they're up to in heaven, which is certainly not the most abandoned of the arcs that got abandoned (What about Claire? What about Dean’s fatherhood arc??) I staunchly hate the idea that things like love and or happiness are a competition, which makes me feel some disagreeing things I'm not sure how to articulate about the idea that the way Cas relates to Dean could take away from his relationship with Jack, or that him loving Dean could take away from his own journey. Even though I don't agree with your take here, I do see what you mean. 

I will say that I do view Cas' confession as the culmination of the tension between himself and personhood. There's all sorts of God stuff tied up in creation and fatherhood, whereas love from one person to another is, well, between people. Love is a choice, an act of free will, in a way that having a father or being a father are, in many ways, not. (Though I do think the way Cas grows into fatherhood brings free will with it in a meaningful way, and I wouldn't have disagreed if things had gone that route.) I would have loved the confession without reservation if it hadn't been the end of Cas on the show. Imo, it ties in solidly if we view the timeline from Cas raising Dean from hell until Chuck's defeat as an overarching free will arc; Dean teaching Cas something about himself starts the Battle For Free Will, and now Cas teaching Dean something about himself ends the Battle For Free Will by giving Dean the paradigm shift he needs to stop playing Chuck's games. I find the potential symmetry of Dean fetching Cas from the Empty extremely appealing, but Cas saving Dean as bookends is okay. In that sense, the fatherhood narrative you prefer did win out: Cas ultimately went to be with Jack, not with Dean. (And may I say how cursed I find it that he couldn't have both.) I was expecting Cas' arc itself to continue in the era of free will, and I think Cas' wholesale absence does make it fall a bit flat come 20. And bury your gays is a pretty big taint. But, most things that I thought were pretty solid going into 20 fell flat, so there's that.

i believe in evaluating it on it’s own merits and whether it succeeded at what it set out to do (conclude the overall series and the story of sam and dean winchester)

Perhaps this is in large part the root of where we do disagree, because I don't feel it concluded the overall series successfully at all. I believe it did technically conclude the series, but in genuinely the least satisfying way I can imagine. A title card that says "Dean died young on a hunt, Sam lived an apple pie life, they meet in a nice heaven in the end" followed by 50 minutes of commercials would have concluded the overall series and Sam and Dean's stories. But we wouldn't call it good just because it tells us how the story ends. My mood again is: "Y… this is just an ending."  

then there’s the pain in the tragedy: that maybe this person could have had more, and he never got it. [...] tragedy is about our decisions. our personal character coming back to bite us. 

Yes! Exactly! Tragedy is about exposing our fatal flaws. You mention Shakespeare and Shakespeare was plenty about the fatal flaws, so I'm hoping we're on the same page about the way that fatal flaws lead to tragedy and how it's an emotional downward spiral for everyone. This is what would have made tragedy a solid ending at the point of Swan Song. The Winchesters are a whole dang family of fatal flaws. Mary's deal, John making his whole life (and Sam and Dean's childhoods) about revenge, Sam returning to hunting for revenge, Dean's demon deal, Sam 'doing the wrong thing for the right reason' killing an innocent woman so he'd have enough power, all of them making self-serving choices at the cost of others and believing they can outrun the consequences when the bill comes due, the list goes on. All the moral grey area and the fucked up choices are part of what makes the Winchesters so compelling! They're being pushed and manipulated by outside forces, yes, but it is their flaws that open them up to that manipulation. Great recipe for tragedy, and the overall emotional trajectory is pretty bleak.

And like, I could maybe buy that they still had enough fatal flaws on board in season 15 to justify a tragedy, even though I don't feel that's where the emotional arc of the narrative was going. It's a little murky here, because the structure is much more focused on the omniscience of outside manipulation; we know Chuck is deliberately stoking their fatal flaws (especially Dean's) in order to get the tragic outcome he wants. In some ways I would argue that this in and of itself should shift the narrative away from tragedy, because the story itself relieves the characters of the fault for their own mistakes by placing that fault with their author. Chuck forcing tragedy upon them is a tragedy like war is a tragedy; it's not about the choices, but about the lack of choices. In a battle for free will, tragedy suits well if your story is that there is no free will. And then the tragedy does not come to pass: they beat Chuck, and in doing so not only escape the lack-of-choice tragedy, but also all of the cascade of consequences that have been brought on by their previously explored fatal flaws. 

In the course of the story, everyone around the Winchesters dies as a result of their fatal flaws: Ash, Jo, Ellen, Kevin, Charlie, Cas, countless others. But the Winchesters themselves survive and come out the other side: their fatal flaws were not a path to tragedy, but part of a path to ultimate success. Now, post-Chuck, they're both beyond the reach of those previous decisions, and (presumably) no longer acting on the basis of their previous flaws. They crossed the climax on an emotional upswing. (Which, in a story that is not a tragedy, reflects as characters learning and growing from past mistakes and benefiting from that growth.) They're no longer motivated by revenge, or anger. "That's not who I am; that's not who we are." Hunting is no longer a side gig as they try to outrun the consequences of previous actions. Their choices and consequences are their own, not things they've been pressured into by outside force. Sam and Dean hunting post-Chuck is more purely selfless than it's ever been. This is the first time since we've known Dean that he could walk away from hunting with no negative consequences for himself (he did with Lisa, but in order to fulfill Sam's dying wish for him, so that wasn't exactly a choice); he could finally make the choice to say "I got mine" and walk away no worse for it. But he chooses not to. It really is about saving people, at risk to their own lives, and with no greater pressure. It's now selfless in a way it never truly has been before. (In a story that is not a tragedy, this is a good thing! And, I believe, we are meant to view it as such.) But if this is a tragedy? What is the fatal flaw that causes it to be so? The one choice that could have averted tragedy if only they'd gone the other way? It's not lack of choice, it's not self-serving acts, or acting out of revenge or anger, it's not trying to outrun the consequences of your own actions, it's nothing to do with any of the decisions that have haunted these characters for 15 years. No, Dean's fatal flaw, the flaw that finally lands him on a pyre, no take backsies, is his selflessness. I'm just not a fan.

Which isn't me saying that selflessness can't be a fatal flaw, or that it wouldn't have ultimately been Dean's. But it is me critiquing the decision to tell a story in which characters fully escape the negative consequences of all the bad things they've done along the way, and instead of that being a benefit of their growth, the characters are instead plunged into tragedy, almost immediately thereafter, as a consequence specifically of the good things they do. Though I genuinely don’t think that’s how we’re meant to receive this end. 

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This story doesn't come to us as-is; it's not a history of things outside the authors' control. Like, hard disagree maybe, but there is no "this was always going to happen;" it's fiction. What actually happens, and moreover, which of the things that "actually happen" are imparted to us as an audience, and how they happen, is what the authors decide to tell us happens; what story they decide to tell. Just because it's in character for Dean to die on a hunt doesn't mean it's inevitable (especially in a story made specifically about characters fighting their inevitable endings), or that it's a necessary part of the story we're explicitly told, or that it has to happen in a particular way; making it so is a choice. 

And a major part of my problem here, again, is that this ending is not presented as a tragedy. I'm pretty convinced that the people who created this ending did not view it as a tragedy, and everything we've heard from any of the creators since the finale supports this. The finale itself does not treat Dean's death as a tragic end; it treats Dean's death as a happy end. And we the audience are told it's a happy end because Sam gets to go live a picturesque, heteronormative, American Dream life on earth and Dean gets to go to the heaven he "deserved" to wait for his brother so he, Sam, John and Mary can live a picturesque, heteronormative, American Dream life in heaven for eternity. A show would have to be a hell of a lot more subversive than Supernatural has ever been for "they get a heteronormative American Dream end" to be a cue to the audience that this is a tragedy. 

I'm not sure how fair it is for me to bring up something Jared said well after your reply, but, since you've indicated the importance of intent… Jared recently called Dean's death a "success." And you've agreed with that assessment, that Dean's death was a 'victory.' And that's how it's presented: Dean had to die and go to heaven in order to be happy. And, according to Jared, Dean had to die in order for Sam to be happy. (The way that Dean getting fridged as a device to move Sam out of hunting and into the American Dream adds to the Dean-as-The-Woman meta... Amazing, but like, in an awful way.) This is why people who identify with Dean's narrative as a trauma survival narrative are hurt. It's not just because Dean died a tragic death, it's because Dean died a death that the story and people involved in its creation have dubbed the stepping stone to happiness. Have dubbed a success.

dean died doing what he loved. he died making his own choices. he died free from god’s influence. that, to me, is a goddamn triumph. i weep for how he won. 

I happen to think this might be the biggest divide between people who liked the ending and people who hated it. I don't know why you're finding that split to be along shipping lines, because it doesn't have anything to do with shipping as far as I can tell. As far as I can tell, it seems to be about one's perspective on Dean's death. I didn't have the spoons to show the narrative I was looking at before, but all this has kind of had me doubting my own perception, so I dug it up, and well, here it is...

For me this portrayal of Dean's death undermines both Dean's major character arc and the free will ending, and the reason I feel this is that for my part Dean's major arc from the get go has been the tension between the Dean who is John Winchester's Son first and foremost and the Dean who is himself first and foremost. An arc which is both personal for Dean, in that it's ultimately a tension between self-hate (striving to fit John's expectations, which involves both repression and self-blame when he fails to meet those expectations) and self-acceptance, and one which is parallel to the larger free will arc, in that John is positioned as Dean's personal Chuck (a parallel that is explicit in the text).

This tension starts very early on, and through the entire course of the series we see the scales tip back and forth. On the one hand: daddy's blunt instrument, whose primary purpose is not to be a person but to be a guardian/overseer of Sam, who practically embodies toxic masculinity, constantly denies his enjoyment of things that will disrupt the image of himself he works to present, who's somewhat suicidal, who has absolutely zero self-esteem, who is consistently fatalistic about his own looming death. On the other hand: Dean who thinks he deserved better as a child, who knows that the responsibilities John put on him were not things he should have had put on him, who has a GED and a give 'em hell attitude, who acts out of love rather than duty, who nests in the bunker and watches chick flicks and is a huge geek and isn't afraid to admit to those things, who generally isn't afraid to say that he enjoys the things he enjoys, who dares to dream of doing and having things that he wants for himself. 

This tension starts at the get-go, but this is an early instance where it's really apparent, in 2x09:

Sam: No, you can keep going. [ie, survive]

Dean: Who says I want to?

Sam: What?

Dean: I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life . . . this weight on my shoulders, man. I'm tired of it.

[...several scenes...]

Sam: I mean you said you were tired of the job. And that it wasn't just because of Dad.

[...]

Dean: I don't know, man. I just think maybe we ought to . . . go to the Grand Canyon.

Sam: What?

Dean: Yeah, you know, all this driving back and forth cross country, you know I've never been to the Grand Canyon? Or we could go to T.J. Or Hollywood, see if we can bang Lindsey Lohan.

Sam: You're not making any sense.

Dean: I just think we should take a break from all this. Why do we gotta get stuck with all the responsibility, you know? Why can't we live life a little bit?

Sam: Why are you saying all this?

(Dean turns away, shaking his head)

Sam: No, no, no, no, Dean. You're my brother, all right? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.

Dean: I can't. I promised.

Sam: Who?

Dean: Dad.

This is a Dean who's suicidal, whose purpose is fulfilling John's wishes in regard to Sam, who has a brief moment of wanting something for himself in the wake of a brush with catastrophe (this is the croatoan episode), but immediately snaps back to his duties to John. Over the course of early seasons we catch glimpses of Dean taking pride in things, like his ability to restore Baby, and sometimes in hunting, saving people. But more heavily emphasized we see the doomed resignation approach. A lot of "it ends bloody or sad." And mostly when he talks about that future it's fatalistic; a bloody and miserable death is an inevitable outcome of a path Dean was set on and has no choice but to follow. If the story had ended in season 5, this tension would be a tragedy to fit in with the rest of the tragedy. But the story goes on.

In 8x14:

Dean: We've been down roads like this before, man – with Yellow-Eyes, Lucifer, Dick friggin' Roman. We both know where this ends – one of us dies... Or worse.

Sam: So, what – you just up and decided it's gonna be you?

Dean: I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation.

Sam: Dean—

Dean: And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know – it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get. 

Swap "gun" for "machete" and this is basically a direct prediction of the finale, made seven years ago. Note how Dean contextualizes himself: he's a grunt, there's no light at the end of the tunnel, a bloody death is the only thing he has waiting for him, Sam is the only one with value. Daddy's blunt instrument, low self-esteem, indirectly suicidal (planning to sacrifice himself), views his only worth as being able to provide for Sam.

But then, as time goes on, in 10x16: 

Dean: What if I said I…I didn’t want to die…yet, you know, that I wasn’t ready?

Father Delaney: Are you expecting to?

Dean: Always. You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it.

Father Delaney: But now?

Dean: Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.

Father Delaney: Go a little deeper, perhaps, than with Gina.

Dean: Yeah. Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

The shift is pretty apparent, and more than that, Dean himself is aware of the difference. 

We get 11x11:

Dean: Tell me something. What did you do before you retired?

Mildred: I was in a Patsy Cline tribute band.

Dean: No.

Mildred: I'm deadly serious.

Dean: You ever miss life on the road?

Mildred: Nah. Nah, I had my fun. You want to know the secret to living a long and happy life?

Dean: Actually, yes, I do.

Mildred: Follow your heart. You do that, all the rest just figures itself out. I did that. I followed my heart. Traveled the world, made people smile, forget about their problems for a while. And then my heart said, “Well, you're done”. I had my fill and... And I retired. And I love it.

Dean: Hey, you know, this place isn't what I expected.

More reevaluating, more growth. This Dean is no longer looking at "normal" people as a different species whose experiences are irrelevant to his own. He's looking at someone who's reached old age and is happy there, and he actually asks how she did that. 

And later still, in 13x23:

Dean: Hey, you remember...remember when you asked if we could stop it? All the evil in the world?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: If we could...really change things? Well, maybe with Jack, we can.

Sam: Maybe you're right. But then what will we do?

Dean: Mm. Yeah. This. (referring to his beer) A whole lot of this. But on a beach somewhere, you know? Can you imagine? You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.

Sam: You talking about retiring? You?

Dean: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.

Sam: I'll drink to that.

Dean: Yeah. Hell, yeah.

This is a Dean who is surrounded by family who care about him and who he cares about in turn. A Dean who sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A Dean who recognizes their accomplishments and believes that he too deserves good things.

In 14x10 we see the kind of life that Dean finds fulfilling and content: owning a bar, a place of his own that is successful and allows him to provide for people, a place where he can offer comfort to Sam and Cas when they return from a hunt together. 

And in these later seasons we still hear "hunters die young" often enough, but we also see hunters living happy lives, some hunters getting out. We see, and Dean sees: Jody and the girls, Donna, Jesse & Cesar. He sees Sam and Eileen building a relationship. 

He sees Garth, in 15x10:

Garth: Yeah, better than I ever thought I'd get. I mean, hunting -- I figured I'd be dead before I'm 40. You know, go out young and pretty. But now I've got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out.

Dean: Yeah, sometimes. Good, man. You deserve it.

Then in 15x18:

Castiel: I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're “daddy's blunt instrument.” And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.

There's been a lot of steps both big and small along the way; a lot of ways Dean has shifted away from self-hate and depression and ways he's opened up and grown to accept himself and believe in himself. He goes from flat out denying that he likes anything that could be perceived as anything less than perfectly manly (no chick flicks!), to less defensive about things he wants and enjoys (like LARPing with Charlie), to freely and openly enjoying things like comfy bathrobes and holiday decorations. He goes from taking John's word as law, to acknowledging how fucked up John treated him and Sam, to living in the life that he's built for himself: "I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would… get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family." / "I have a family." (14x13). It's not a straight line, and we know mental health is still something Dean struggles with. We know he was suicidal in the beginning of season 13, there’s the ma’lak box thing in s14, and “it’s hard not to feel like just...cashing out,” comes up again early in s15. It's not like Dean's traumas just up and evaporated, and there's plenty of trauma still ongoing. But all along there's this relationship between what Dean wants/expects for his future and his own mental health. And here, leading into the climax, we have one of the most important people in the world to Dean offering a direct repudiation of the things Dean has believed about himself that mire him in self-hate.

Then the climax, in 15x19:

Chuck: to die at the hands of Sam Winchester... Of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer... It's kind of glorious.

Dean: Sorry, Chuck.

Chuck: What? What?

Dean: See, that's not who I am. That's not who we are.

Now we have Dean himself rejecting the expectations of a god whose machinations put Dean on the path to a bloody end. This is a narrative climax in the battle for free will, and also a narrative climax for Dean as a character; Dean who has at last come into his own and is finally, fully stepping out from under the thumbs of absent fathers, in every sense.

And then? 

15x20:

Sam: We (gesturing between them) are gonna get them somewhere safe.

Dean: No. You knew it was always gonna end like this for me. It was supposed to end like this, right?

[...]

Dean: Man, when we were kids, you were so damn smar... smart. You never… You never took any of dad's crap. I never knew how you did that. And you're stronger than me. You always have been.

Dean tells Sam not to try to save him. "You've always been the brains of this operation," and "that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me." And when Dean's gone: "You, with a wife and kids and…"

No one can contest that Dean dying on a hunt is in character. But this is a story. As you, and others, have said: Dean has died a number of times already. Yet he's come back, time and again, because this is a story. Whether Dean dies is a choice that is made by the authors of that story. How Dean dies is a choice that is made by the authors of that story. I'm not even saying that Dean couldn't have died in the end without it being awful, but this specific way? This perfect ending to the story of Supernatural that's a 1:1 match for Dean's idea of a perfect ending when he was planning to die because he thought his only worth was in dying to give Sam a better life? And then, whether to treat this specific death as a tragedy or a success is also a choice made by the authors. The finale treats this death as a success for exactly the reason that the Dean who was passively suicidal and had no sense of self-worth argued that it would be a success; it's a plot gateway to American Dream Happiness for Sam.

I don't disagree that it's possible for a story to be set up in such a way that a tragic end can tell us that every step we took along the way had value (and maybe that was the intent here, I don't know). However, and setting aside narrative trajectory for a moment, can you see how honestly dangerous it can be for people following a trauma survival narrative, which has for a number of years been trending in a positive direction, to be suddenly faced not only with a character whose struggle they identify with dying in a way he thought suitable while he was in a very bad place mentally, when he thought his only worth was in dying for someone else's happiness, but for the narrative itself to affirm that that character dying in such a way was indeed the key to happiness, both for that character and for his family, just as he once believed? With the words “always keep fighting” - the name of an IRL campaign for mental health awareness - in his mouth, no less. We are presented with the message here that a good ending according to the author is a match for a good ending according to Dean at a previous time during which he was feeling worthless and looking to escape his trauma and pain. And I don't mean to say that a writer cannot write that sort of end for a character, but an author who does should be cognizant of it and treat it accordingly in the narrative, and that's not what happened here. 

So when people say "Dean deserved better," it's partly about Dean, but it's also about saying loud and clear for the people who identified with Dean's story that they deserve better. That the ending Dean thought was perfect when he was depressed and planning to die is not a blueprint for people dealing with those things IRL. That that death is not the gateway to personal happiness, or the gateway to the happiness of loved ones. That while Supernatural presents this as a happy end, it is not, and should not be internalized as one. That people who are in a bad place absolutely do deserve better than what they think they deserve while they're in that place. 

Picking back up the subject of narrative trajectory, well. I feel like there's a pretty clear narrative here, with an emotional climax that neatly paralleled the plot climax, and I don't feel I had any reason to expect that that arc was a mirage. Getting an end for Dean that is an almost exact match for something he said seven years ago and in a very different place mentally than we are lead to believe he is in the finale feels like getting abruptly hauled backward through half of the story; literally seven years worth of story. 

(Disconcertingly, on rereading this, I've realized something I have mixed feelings about, and maybe that's why you're seeing an attention to this part of Dean's characterization in Destiel spheres, which is that all of the stuff about Dean having hope for the future seems to involve Cas or things that have been interpreted as Destiel subtext. And maybe that really is the key to it; that Cas, the symbol of free will, makes Dean want to live, makes him reconsider the inevitability of a bloody and sad death. And without Cas, Dean puts on a good show of how they need to "keep living," but when the opportunity to die arises he has no will to fight it. It's a little ironic if that is the case, given the relative position of Destiel shippers vs non-shippers when it comes to how well Dean's death fit the narrative.)

you said you read some of my other meta – did you happen to see the one where i talk about early supernatural as a horror/tragedy and it’s horrible take on justice

I had read that meta before, and my issue is this: I just strongly object to the idea that the true version of a story is the way the story starts and that it's more important for an ending to have continuity with its start than with everything that happened in between. Both that meta and the OP of the first post basically accuse latter seasons of SPN of being out of character for its own story ("Only in the later seasons, when the show doesn’t understand itself much anymore" and "if anything, I think the fact that we lost the stakes in MOTW hunts is an indictment of the show") and that's just a take I do not vibe with at all. It's okay, indeed often necessary, for stories to grow and evolve and change over time. Fifteen years is a long time. If Supernatural had stayed the same show it was for the first five years it would never have been able to run for fifteen. And the last ten years are fully twice as long as the first five. Kripke, who started the story, has not been the one telling that story for a whole decade. I believe that narrative continuity matters; a story should be consistent with its own growth and change just like a character should be consistent with their own growth and change. Early seasons Dean was all "no chick flick moments," but he grows and changes and in later seasons he admits he actually loves chick flicks. If Dean had patted Sam on the shoulder and told him "no chick flick moments" during his death scene, would anyone be explaining how fitting it was for Dean to return to his roots? Watching the story revert to Dean-and-Sam-alone-together and then for Dean to die in this particular way, and especially having that treated like a happy and expected ending after everything Dean’s been through to grow out of that ending, for me, felt like watching Dean pat Sam on the shoulder and say "no chick flick moments."

there’s the whiplash and it’s tough to deal with. i don’t think that’s a flaw of the show and end though, it’s about coming into a narrative with a certain expectation and having it not play out. the disconnect between our expectations and what we get is where the grief and anger come in. and i think it’s okay to criticize a narrative, but its also worthwhile to step back and say “am i critiquing it on the basis of what it set out to do, or what i wanted it to do?”

So, after all that, what do you reckon? Is my whiplash from flawed expectations I brought with me, or from expectations that the narrative built for me and then went back on? Is it more important for an ending to have continuity with its first third or its last third?

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Extremely minor points after that novel, but I do want to note: My nuclear family critique is significantly about the John & Mary & Sam & Dean as one big happy family in heaven implications. I think it's pretty clear that some writers viewed John as more abusive than others, but the canon result is that John was abusive and that abuse was casually whitewashed over for a happy family reunion end. Also, to reiterate that not only would I have liked an open ending, I felt an open ending was all but demanded by the narrative itself. Also, I absolutely did not want to see Sam and Dean separated; I hoped for them to have a full and happy relationship free from the burden of being each other's sole support, which would necessitate having actual relationships with actual characters other than each other, which we don't really get in the end, because all the other characters we've seen them have relationships with are missing, Dean can’t independently relate to anyone, and Sam can only have a mystery woman and kid in Dean’s absence.  

I will say, I absolutely do not go on twitter; there's no subject on twitter that I can think of that people aren't needlessly cruel to each other over, and I've seen enough twitter screencaps of people making ableist slurs against Destiel fans to know that it's not somewhere I care to spend time. Given the vitriol, on all sides and about all subjects, that twitter seems to inspire, I do hope that creators who choose to engage on twitter do so in that context and make liberal use of the block button. 

That said… You compare what's going on with Supernatural to your own experience as an author and I hear that. But I also… just don't think the two are comparable. At all, really. Primarily because you are a single creator. You knew the story you wanted to write and you wrote it, beginning to end. And perhaps some things changed along the way, but you specifically say that the one thing some people were most upset about was something you as the creator knew would happen from the get go. Something you deliberately and unambiguously foreshadowed for. Supernatural is… nothing like that at all. Supernatural is a tv show that was created in bits and pieces over a span of 15 years, that changed hands multiple times, and was a collective creation of literally hundreds of people. Writers, actors, directors, set & costume designers, editors, whatever CW business people tell the writers which bounds they have to stay between, I'm sure there are more. We know, for absolute fact, that things that were intended to happen changed many, many times over the course of the show, in both big and small ways. Even at the very end we know that covid caused changes too. We know that the finale scrip was rewritten multiple times even before covid. To say "this was never intended to be seen this way," for a project as massive as Supernatural, with as many competing interests (including among writers themselves) as were involved in the creation of Supernatural, is just… not possible. If Mark Saltzman says he wrote Bert and Ernie as gay and Sesame Workshop says they are not; which is the truth? Were people who (correctly) read queer context in Bert and Ernie's relationship wrong for feeling betrayed when Frank Oz publicly responded to Saltzman's statement by saying that Bert and Ernie are unequivocally not gay? We see these sorts of at-odds interests in Supernatural a lot. A work that has this many hands in the making just cannot be analyzed in the same way as a work with a sole author. There simply is no clear cut "right" and "wrong" interpretation of authorial intent in the narrative of Supernatural as there was in your story. 

And, too, your work was a labor of love, shared out of love, and not for profit. There was no motive for you to bait anyone in any way, or to make modifications along the way to appease or appeal to anyone. Plus, while you may have given certain consideration to your intended audience, pretty much no amount of consideration for the audience of a work of fanfiction is the same as the sort of profitability and public image consideration given by a business and people who are employed by that business and people who are hoping to be employed in that industry again. Plus, your audience simply is different. Like, I've read and enjoyed fanfiction way and above more problematic than 50 Shades of Grey that I would defend from public criticism, but I will absolutely level public criticism at 50 Shades for presenting problematic content uncritically at a scale and in a format that alters its reception. You know what I mean? Publishing fanfiction and publishing for profit (especially at the sort of scale of the CW) are very different mediums; they tie into larger cultural trends in very different ways, and the way we critique them (the way we should critique them) is affected by that. 

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It seems at last I've reached the end of what I have to say, a truly wild amount of time and words later, and at the last I want to say… Part of my struggle with the finale has been that it gave me no resolution. The questions I had going into it went unanswered. I didn't cry over Dean's death - I was a little bored beforehand, too shocked and disappointed in the moment, and then angry about his lonely funeral - or Sam's; I figured I'd be seeing them again momentarily and then I did, and that was not any more resolution. That lack of resolution, while knowing that there is absolutely zero resolution coming, has been a source of a truly tremendous level of hyperfixation for me. (If only I could dedicate this much attention to literally any of my WIPs, but alas.) This conversation has been a helpful outlet for that hyperfixation, and for helping me process and organize my thoughts. I want to reiterate my thanks for engaging thoughtfully with me about it. And, if you've made it through this small novel, I appreciate that too. 

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #negative #spn finale critical #meta #spn meta #SPN s15 #spn spoilers #long post #someday I will put this much time into my WIPs #someday

[r0xy-w0lf]

Tagged by @theunholyoutlaw and @sad-sweet-cowboah thanks, I’ll try my best!

Name: “My name is Miss Roxanne Robinson, but you guys all know me as Death-Rider” “Unless your in my gang then you’ll know me as Roxy, and im the leader of Death-Squad”

Are you single: “Sure is but Leo has got his eyes on her!”

Are you happy: “I’ve got my family i dont need anything else!”

Are you angry: “Not really, but hurt her or her gang and you’ll see side if her that u dont want to see.... like ever!” 😂

Are your parents married: “They wasn’t into any of that, they believed that you dont need to be married to proof how much you love another.”

Nine facts

Birthplace: “Uk”

Hair colour: “Blonde”

Eye colour: “Baby blue”

Birth date: “29th of December 1872

Mood: “Mostly mature, but has quite alot if crazy moments”

Gender: “Female”

Summer or winter: “Winter, can’t work or sleep when its warm! And nobody like me when i haven’t slept! But i will tryand meet halfway to go see my sister in between beechers and my fort up in Annesburg.”

Morning or afternoon: “Dont mind either, its easier to go rob folk at night but it’s nice to enjoy a full day.”

Eight things about your love life

Are you in love: “well currently nothing but the way Leo keeps flirting things all might change.” 😉

Do you believe in love at first sight? “Nope dont be silly.”

Who ended you last relationship: “Me, but it wasn’t a relationship i got a choice in, I managed to escape. I haven’t got scares all over me for no reason.”

Have you ever broken someones heart: “Many as i was never interested, being the most wanted outlaw was never gonna be easy and therefore no time for anyone.”

Are you afraid of commitment: “Roxy has been alone for so long apart from being with the gang, she see the others with there men and disbelieves that one day it could be her.”

Have you hugged someone in the last week: “ Not the most affectionate person in the world, so probably not but we all want a hug sometimes.”

Have you ever had a secret admirer:  “Probably, but they never had the balls to approach me.”

Have you ever broken you own heart: “yeah but well not go into that.”

Four preferences

Smile or eyes: “Best way to learn about them.”

Shorter or taller: “Taller, im a tall ass bitch!”

Intelligence or Attention: “Kinda like both but personality matters too.”

Hook up or relationship: “relationship”

Six Choices

Love or lust: “Obviously both”

Lemonade or ice tea: “ Lemonade”

Cats or dogs: “Both the more fluff the better”

A few best friends or regular friends: “ What sort of question is that? My gang anyday!”

Wild night out or romantic night in: “ Its good to do a but of both.”

Day or night: “Depends on mood”

Four have you evers

Been caught sneaking out: “haha im a assassin isn’t that what im best at?”

Fallen down/up stairs: “stairs.... what are those?”

Wanted someone/something so bad it hurt: “Does freedom count?”

Wanted to disappear: “kinda have to otherwise folk are gonna cut my head off”

Friends

Do you secretly hate one of your friends: “ nope, not yet”

Do you consider all of your friends good friends: “They made me feel like a normal human being no matter how chaotic they can be at times, and we deal with thing together, most of the time, unless ive already done it”

Who is your best friend? “No such thing as a best friend”

Who knows everything about you: “ Definitely Stevie as she was one the first i trusted and had to train everyday, she just gets me”

Do you and your family get along: “Me and my brother were inseparable until he met Mary and fell in love with but she was cruel and separated me from my brother and I haven’t seen him since”  “but my gang in now my family and the past stays in the past”

Would you say you have messed up life: “I wouldn’t say i did but all things happen for a reason”

Have you ever ran away from home: “ When i was 6 me and my brother both ran away looking for a better life, as the men who kill our parents would come and get us.”

Have you ever got kicked out: “ me getting kicked out your having a laugh, more like i kick other people out!”

I tag @verai-marcel @mrskrazy @mrscharlessmith @horsegirl1h @fangirl-ramblings and anybody who wants to join in

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 online #rdr oc #roxy #death rider #deathsquad