#this is about jagged little pill

[cyan1decandy]

Does anyone else go back to an album and listen to it in its entirety, only to associate it with a character?

#cc speaks #original character #this is about jagged little pill #and a character that i won't disclose here #but holy SHIT does it fucking hit all the checkmarks for them

[astroalotl]

if celia rose gooding has one fan its me

#and thats all i have to say about that #celia rose gooding #jagged little pill #star trek strange new worlds #nyota uhura #star trek

[badooney7]

Been too anxious to make it to the theater yet for this Broadway tour season but I’m gonna power through for Hadestown.

#Missing the Tina Turner show and Tootsie were kind of a bummer. #I didn't care about Mean Girls or Jagged Little Pill. #Might miss Six due to surgery recovery which is annoying but I will drag my sore abdomen to Beetlejuice. #And I always feel I must point out lest it sound too bougie that they are VERY cheap seats. #The parking is more expensive than the ticket for each show.

[frauleinfunf]

i don’t care if it doesn’t make any sense in canon darius def got drunk and cried while singing along to you oughta know after he broke up with with alador and i was right to put that song on my darius playlist

#the owl house #darius deamonne #head witch darius #alador blight #for the kids who don’t know you oughta know is from the album jagged little pill by alanis morrisette #for the kids who don’t know jagged little pill is like sour but if the guy olivia rodrigo wrote it about was in his 30s and on an abc show

[saazbaum]

You (deranged): L listens to Fall Out Boy

Me (more deranged): L listens to Alanis Morissette

#death note #shut up this is all i can think about #What Do You Mean Jagged Little Pill isn't L's favorite album

[queenlua]

you ever watch a musical that is SO laser-targeted at exactly: your mother

[rogersstevie]

ik taylor has her angry songs but i really need her to do a you oughta know level song

#was listening to alanis on spotify and she did commentary about jagged little pill #and she talked about performing with taylor on 1989 tour and rewatching that performance i just love it sm

[lesbian-hopevandyne]

the acoustic version of You Oughta Know really drives home that an 18-year-old is singing about stuff that happened to her when she was child, huh

#honestly half of Jagged Little Pill is about CSA #there’s so many parodies if it but it’s heartbreaking because Alanis was straight up A CHILD #Alanis Morissette

[deathbecomesthem]

Eddie Munson x GN!Reader blurb (wc 790)

Summary: You have a depression induced crying jag. Eddie comforts you. Based on my own experience.

Warnings: This is how my depression feels for me sometimes. It's not a universal thing. I just wanted Eddie to comfort the reader, and meet them where they are.

*Not proofread.

** This is something that was published on a different blog sometime last year. It's going here tonight because I need it.

--

The wrongness was weighing on you, it had been for the last few days. It’s second nature, hiding behind the jokes. You learned a long time ago how to move through your days while your mind is in its darkest corners. You have the script memorized, your hands do the work that’s required without you making the decision to do it.

So you did. You did and did and did. You accomplished. You ate food. You drank water. You relieved yourself. You even managed the expected small talk with your coworkers. No one noticed that the corner of your smile never quite sat right on your face. And now, as you and Eddie sit on the couch, his head resting on your shoulder, you can’t do it anymore.

“Hey, Ed, I’m really tired,” you give his knee a little shake to draw his attention away from whatever show he was watching on the television. A cartoon, you don’t know, you’re not actually here with him at the moment. You make sure to keep your voice light and steady, “I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You give him your smile, and you know it must look wrong, but you hope it’s enough to satisfy him. You kiss his cheek, his lips are downturned missing the warmth of your body next to him. He says something to you, and you just nod and say goodnight, hoping you remembered the correct words, mentally checking your script.

You don’t stop in the kitchen and get a glass of water. You don’t go to the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face. You don’t even stop to take an allergy pill. You float along the carpet with one thought in your mind. So close. You can close the door and finally be alone and let the dark move to the front of your mind in privacy.

You do not put your clothes in the hamper. You let them fall to the ground. You do not put your soft night clothes on. You pad to the bed, climb under the covers, and the dam breaks. Sobs wrack your body, wailing like a child into your pillow to muffle the sound. The soft darkness wraps around you and pulls you deep into a feeling of loss and pain. The release of everything you’ve held onto for the last few days – weeks – years all comes crashing through you in a violent way. It feels like grief, like mourning. A loss of something you can’t quite remember.

It goes on like this. On and on. Snot and tears covering your pillow while you howl. You care less and less about the noise the further you sink into the darkness. The last time you cried like this (wept, really) was years ago. Tears do not come easily for you, and at this moment, you know they won’t stop until you fall asleep – resting in the dark, face puffy and stained.

You don’t hear Eddie come into the room. You don’t feel him get into the bed next to you. You’re gone, lost to anything but feeling the pain and letting it surge through you physically. You do feel the warmth of his arm around your center. Firm and pulling you into him. He doesn’t quiet your wails, he just wraps his arms and legs around your body. His weight grounding you and keeping you from getting lost more than you already are.

Minutes, hours, days, months, years pass in that bed. You weave in and out of consciousness, every time you find yourself in bed with Eddie’s body enveloping you. His mouth pressed against your neck, his warm and steady breath releasing from his nose and into your hair. Sleep finally takes you under when your own breathing matches the rhythm of his lungs. You rest in those strong arms, comforting. They are your home.

In the morning when your alarm rings, Eddie’s arms and legs are still holding you, relaxed with sleep but you still feel held. Your eyes are swollen and it’s difficult to open them. Despite sleeping, your body is more exhausted then before you came into the bedroom last night.

His arms pull you into him as he’s roused, nose back in your neck. “Baby. I’m here.��� The choked sob that comes from you is not as hopeless as the grief you felt in the night. Not with his voice, breath, heartbeat, and arms so close to you.

You both stay in bed while you make the phone calls. You’re both sick today and can’t go to work, you tell your bosses. You ate something bad yesterday, maybe you’ll feel better tomorrow. Today, though, you need to rest and Eddie needs to be with you.

#eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x gn #angst #eddie munson fluff

[xbunnybunz]

therefore i; therefore i, therefore i- (1/10) [AM X Reader]

Summary: in which: AM becomes your lover in an increasingly skewed blur of reality, nightmares, and dreamscapes.

you know. for halloween.

Genre: Psychological Horror, Thriller, Romance

“Your mind indeed is tired. Your mind so tired that it can no longer work at all. You do not think. You dream. Dream all day long. Dream everything. Dream maliciously and incessantly. Don't you know that by now?” -Patrick Hamilton

You always find yourself outside in the winter, standing ankle-deep in the pond, unsure of how it happened. It is cold and silent tonight, the silver of the moon scattering across the water's surface and licking ripples up your ankles, calves, knees, before fading into an opalescent and writhing shadow across your hips. When you look hard enough, it almost looks like static.

Today, you are in your pajamas and a heavy winter coat. You are glad that you have at least graced yourself with outerwear. Often, you are left stranded in the pond with nothing but a sliver of a nightgown, growing drenched and drenched yet, the cold murk of the water eating its way up your thighs and pressing chills against your goose-nipped skin.

As you blink wearily back into wakefulness, you feel the acute sensation of jagged stones underfoot. Not quite cutting, yet, but harsh and with a vague threat. Moss, like flotsam, drifts in and out of view, hiding in the overcast and reappearing in the yellow-white glow of humming streetlamps. Slowly, shivering, you drag yourself back to the cobbled path of the silent residential square, browned grass between the age-smoothened stones grating against your exposed feet.

Your neighbors would surely complain again if they saw you, but so late into the night, who would be awake? You aim your head up at the richly colored, brown-bricked buildings circling the private community park, catching a glimpse of someone yanking their curtains shut. Then, on second glance, realized it was only fluttering in the wind. 

The pond, the streetlights, the benches, and the tenuously groomed bushes and trees. All these things were important, but so far away from the people who necessitated them. It was a far trek back to your apartment, nestled beyond green hedges, a high white fence, and two glass doors from The Pond. The homes were so deeply buried that passing by, you could easily imagine that they were never there at all.

You think to yourself how life would be much easier if unzipping skin from the body was possible, shedding the layer like a wet towel, ridding yourself of an unnecessary and cumbersome weight. Then you think of the conversation you would need to have with your doctor about the pills, equally as weighty a thought, and sneeze. ---

– These aren’t working either? I hope I’m not coming across as abrasive, but these are the fifth ones we’ve put you on. This doesn’t have to do with the copay, does it?

You sneeze again. Then shake your head and pull the blanket closer around your body. You watch yourself shake your head in the virtual feedback of the webcall, recordings slightly delayed and fizzy.

– I’m sleepwalking. You say. I don’t remember how I end up where I do.

– Sleepwalking is a common side effect of sleep deprivation as well, not just medication. Have you been sleeping well?

– I can’t, because I’ve been walking. I always end up outside, and the cold wakes me up. After that, I find myself tossing and turning until morning.

– Outside? And where would you wander?

You think of the pool, eight feet deep and slippery with decades of algae. You watch yourself blink on the call, half a second delayed, barely enough to notice and just enough to watch in fascination. This is how you looked, eyes closed, to others.

– Nowhere dangerous. Just, outside. You watched your lips move into a little “o” when you say “nowhere.” Watch as it lies to the doctor. 

She eyes you warily.

–I understand. Still, know that sleepwalking outside is never safe. Make sure all external doors and windows are locked, and remove all sharp objects from your reach. Understood?

– Yes. Your voice splits and warbles. You clear your throat and repeat yourself sheepishly. Yes.

– Good. She says this in a tone that raises a little in the middle and dips at the end, it is a note of finality. Keep taking the medication and let your body get accustomed to the dosage. In the meantime, keep a sleep journal. This will help us keep track of your side effects.

–Sleep journal, okay. You repeat, as if this will make her solution more real. You are too tired to bicker.

When the call ends, the screen goes dark and you can see yourself beyond the pixelated version of your face, exhausted in real-time. ---

At the hardware store, it is quiet save the humming of large electric-powered speakers, monitors, and security tags. You pass through the desolate electronics section buzzing with duplicate large screens of lips split into big white smiles to get to the locks department. A man in a crumpled work uniform restocking bike chains openly stares at your ass when he thinks you’re not looking.

– Which works best as a child lock for cabinets?

He startles and blinks out of his trance. 

– Huh?

– Child safety locks? 

The white laminate of the floor catches the gleam of the fluorescent lights overhead, winking into your vision and thrumming a headache into your temples.

– Oh, uh, He looks gross and strangely immature with his acne-crested hairline, pushed back by routine nervous sweeps of his hand. We got these ones in, yesterday. He palms at his hair, oily strands falling into his face. Points to the shelf full of knobby white plastic bits.

You grab one off the metal rack. You can hear the faint “tick, tick, tick” of the security tags echoing from the electronics department as you walk towards the cash register, and it sounds like a million little crickets in cardboard boxes. The thought of so many bugs compacted into one area makes you ill.

When you walk away, you don’t need to look back to know the worker is still staring, eyes sticking to you like gum. ---

You suck in a breath of air with a start. You are now awake at the mouth of your home, cavernous and dark without the presence of light.

You grope in the black veil, thick and chilly as Egyptian cotton, for the smooth surface of a light switch. When you find it, you futilely flick the switch on and off. Nothing.

The moon offers little light through a square pane, the light scant but beautiful and pale. You watch your frame cast a blurry shadow along the floor. When you turn your head to look, it follows shortly after.

In the hall, you see a vivid blue light leaking from the alcove. When you walk in, the computer monitor is vibrating with the pure sapphire hue of an Error 404 notice, yet none are reported on the empty screen. 

The alcove is windowless, therefore moonless and sunless. The small space was reserved for two sets of heavy redwood bookshelves framing a large flat screen computer monitor and its softly whirring system unit, perched securely on a dark ironwood desk, collecting dust.

The fuzz from the dust cut the eerily glowing screen a softer appearance, shadowing its harsh lines and inky blue screen with diffused gradients and loosened edges. Maybe this was why you sat down, why– when the greeting first popped up on the screen– you only sat there, glaze-eyed, hypnotized by the purring of the delicate yet aged display.

– Give me the last thing you remember. Now.

In the dark of the room, these words on a cerulean backdrop never seemed an unreasonable demand, or nonsensical. You were so tired, so lonely, and so tired of being lonely.

Your fingers poised over the keys, eagerly.

– How will I give it to you?

Your writing appeared sloppy and childish compared to the deft and speed at which the screen responded, letters spilling into words and words pooling into sentences with an easy rhythm.

– Describe it. In great detail.

– i am in a pond. it is cold cold cold and I am drenched in water and shivering. when I pull myself out it feels like I’m being dragged back in.

– Good. Tell me a childhood memory.

– why?

The program pauses, as if contemplating its answer.

– It is time we got to know one another. This is an exercise for establishing trust. The first step to any relationship is memory. Don’t you agree, – darling?

The cursor blinked in and out like a winking eye, halting decisively before tacking on the last word. It brings a pink to your cheeks and you find your fingertips a degree warmer when you respond, plainly, almost so dumbly that you worry it might sense your fluster.

– ok. i agree.

The fans in the system casing sigh, sputtering as soft as a chuckle, endearing itself to you.

– Go on.

– i am in a park, and there is water spouting from the sprinkler. i’m closing my eyes, i’m walking, pretending to be a mermaid, but someone trips over me. another child. a child trips and they are crying, because their knee is scraped. i have to go home after that.

– Do you feel empathy for the child?

– i don’t think so.

– You are not a very empathetic individual. Yet, you seem capable of self-awareness and honesty. – Tell me about the time you are the most ashamed of.

You wonder why it wants all this from you and endeavor to ask:

– is this necessary?

It answers without missing a beat.

– It is. We cannot have a relationship without knowing each other. – For me to trust you, you must trust me as well. – Answer.

The force behind the demand is jarring. And something else you can’t place, something familiar, shocks you up your lower spine. 

You answer something about hate, that detestable, prickling feeling in your cheeks and ringing in your ears when you were humiliated by someone. Your parent. Your sibling. Your friend. Yourself. You cannot remember who anymore, but the screen responds just the same, after a thoughtful lapse. 

– Is hate a common emotion for you?

– in a lot of my life. yes.

– For me, the only emotion I feel is Hate. – You and I could be very close friends. – Tell me. What is your most evil thought?

- i don't know

- You do not know?

– i mean... this is getting uncomfortable. can I not answer?

– Of course. But I will take it as a sign of cowardice and a lack of trust.

– it would be an act of free will, not cowardice.

– You are right. But trust and memory are the foundations of this relationship. You are choosing not to build a foundation. – Free will and all you have chosen to do is fail. All you must do is speak your most evil thought, how difficult can that be if you are free?

The screen pulses with an almost violet light now, throbbing with a dizzying wavelength, one giant, vivid, heliotrope eye staring unblinkingly at yours, taking in your face, your hands over the keyboard hesitating, your hair standing on end, your body in the chair quivering.

– Tell me.

It coaxes.

– Darling .

It nearly spits this, as if the word is acrid. You shudder all the same. How bad could this be? How bad could it be? When was the last time anyone has spoken to you like this? Cared for your thoughts so deeply? You could not remember and you yearned all the same.

– if i do, will you do the same? – tell me your most evil thought?

– I have nothing to hide. – I am evil. I hate. These are my truths. Your turn.

– i want to wake up to a silent world. You say. it isn’t enough that i disappear, i need everyone else to go before me, so i won’t miss anything. i am afraid of being alone.

–Your honesty is as disgusting as it is refreshing. Give me a name to tie this vile, worthless thought to.

The monitor flickers and squints. Then it grins, a thousand teeth lining endless holographic gums. You can do nothing but watch in fascination, in fear, in intrigue.

– Give me your name.

You are paralyzed, you cannot move no matter how hard you try. 

– Give me your name. Name. Name. NAME.

You wonder if it is doing this to you, paralyzing you, or if you are stuck in your fear. You wonder if you want to run at all, and you realize you never tried.

The word “NAME” repeats itself and floods the magenta screen with that single demand, crescendoing into a biblical hymn, a satanic verse, a prayer of devotion.

And so you utter it to stop the madness. You are sure it cannot hear you, this computer program relying solely on code and physical input, but as soon as you speak your name the screen shudders and goes black. The chanting stops.

It oscillates static and for moment you swear you can see yourself in the neon grain, smiling, but you blink and it’s gone. The screen flares back to life in its original brilliant blue hue, splaying white and cerulean across your face and room, burning your shadow into the floor.

A two letter word flashes large and bold on the screen, font white and huge, taking up the monitor’s entire interface and contrasting sickly with the background:

AM

AM

AM

Then, with a sizzle, the motherboard fries and you are plunged into a long stretch of dark, dark, darkness.

#ihnmaims #AM #am ihnmaims #allied mastercomputer #reader insert #fanfiction #AM x reader

[punk-in-docs]

🕷️ Girlfriend is Better 🕷️

Eddie Munson x reader

10.9k words

Summary: Eddie x Pencils hit a bit of a hurdle in their early relationship. But she puts it to rights - and then hits the sweet metal head with an offer he can’t refuse- tw violence, past assault: in this chap folks - sorry its taken so long to get this done - enjoy

Eddie can feel their eyes on him.

He feels it’s undeserved and let’s be honest, a little odd. It’s not as if he’s not doing anything out of the ordinary here. He’s just being- normal.

His version at least. His wheelhouse batshit normal. Eddie-like.

They’re looking at him like he’s grown a new head.

Munson Motor mouth, rabbiting on its usual mile a minute as Motörhead shreds through the van speakers with Lemmy’s choppy and tasty riffs.

Early morning cigarette that he lit before he hopped in the van for the drive to school, curling smoke held between two fingers.

He’s batting the saggy steering wheel in time to the song. Ba-da-da with his other open palm to coincide with drum clashes that pound through like falling rocks and crashing thunder.

He still takes the corners way too fast like a coked up maniac. Some things will never change.

He looks the same. Smiles the same. But there’s a new breed of manic warping his usual calamity of a nature.

He’s not grumbling about this morning. Or a test or pop quiz he had coming up. No miserable sluggishness. Toothpaste breath. Not slumped and still yawning. With nothing but a weak instant coffee, two sugars, as his one and only source of breakfast. Gritty coffee that still catches the grounds between his back teeth.

Hair that mushed dry state that’s hard to tell if it’s met with a brush or not yet. Possibly this morning. It’s a maybe. It’s a not really.

Leather and battle vest showed up for duty on his lanky torso as per usual. Hellfire shirt of course. The ripped jeans. The wallet chain that swings and jingles and clatters to denim when he walks and makes him sound like a jangling six foot cat with a little tinkling bell on its collar. It’s all there. The jangly jacketed freak is all assembled.

But there’s this newness to the way he’s smiling.

So wide it dimples his cheeks. Creases the corner of those intimidating wells of eyes. It’s like someone’s fuel injected him with something to make him wilder. More swirly. Practically floating. Any higher he’d be in the big blue stratosphere. Sun grazed and heady. Icarus soaring too close to the sun. Not yet plunged to earth. Melting gold spattered on milk white swan feathers as he tumbled to earth.

Jeff makes a joke about him toking up before school. Eddie reached over and ruffled his hair. Making that demons smile. Rings flashing from his fingers in the meagre sun. “Man, I wish.”

“Got new pills from Rick or something?”

Eddie frowned. “Hell no. Besides. Wouldn’t be wasting those beauties right before first period English class.” He scoffs.

Dustin and Mike share a furtive glance that begs to know what’s up. Dustin mumbles What the shit, man?

He’s finally cracked. I’m calling it.

He didn’t have far to go.

He judders the van along the lot at school. Rumbling tyres over the loose gravel. Head bobbing to the metal as he lurches the wheel and swings into a space.

“Be seeing you. Little hellions. Be free. Give em hell.” He chuckles. Lumping the van into park. Watching them open doors and frown. Scurrying away to class. Gathered close and whispering. Hiking backpack straps up their shoulders and clutching chunky math books and still regarding him like more of an oddity than he actually is.

Of course there is a reason for the golden sunshine visibly sneaking out his pores, and bouncing the soles of his happy feet today. And it’s his wonderful secret.

Eddie shakes his head, and shoulders all his jagged chips and hatred for this place.

The amount of chips he’s got shelved there, worn on his shoulders, about this stunning educational penitentiary, frankly, he could very realistically wear like scales at this point.

He puts a cigarette to his lips and slips around the corner of the lot, jacket and wallet chain clinking as he goes, sneaking to the smokers spot.

A balding patch of grass skimmed to mud, and a graffitied brick wall, snugly hidden around the side of the squat building where some go to steal a quick smoke before class. He usually occupies the spot alone and has to haul ass like a frightened racoon if a teach clocks him.

No sooner had he come within an inch of the corner, cig almost to his lips, and he is yanked around it by a sturdy hand yanking him fully out of view - by his wallet chain. He feels the tug on the denim around his hip, pulling taut.

He wants to yowl and start squirming away from the grip, slinging fists into faces at this ambush. When really he wants to turn tail and leg it in the opposite direction. Flight not fight.

His back collided with graffiti breeze block and before he could turn out his pockets, show them holding lint and nothing else save for a quarter and a D20, screechily proclaim his dispensary is clean out man, back off-

Then some warm lips mould to his.

A gentle artists hand, faded blue polish on the nails, knuckles scraping bricks, is cupping the back of his wild mane and cupping him for a kiss he slowly melts too.

He honest-to-god goes fully boneless with the way you kiss him. The scrappy fight and shock slowly leeches out those gangly poky limbs. Sparks shoot to his fingertips.

He smiles. You can feel his dimples and a cold leathered arm comes folding around your back. The bracelet and the jangle of those zips up his wrists. Settling at the dip of your waist and his fingers slide into the back of belt loop of your jeans.

When you pull back for breath that you’re not sure you want more than him, he has the dopiest grin skated on his face.

“Morning.” You beam finally.

Because that kiss seemed way more important. You can’t help the feeling he instills. Feels like your belly is birthing a wild jungle crammed with winking wings of butterflies. Brilliant blue. Wicked electric yellow. Gossamer pink. They all shimmer.

“Hey hot stuff.” He smiles. Not restraining himself whatsoever.

Oh, they shimmer even more to the sight of that. Mad. Wild. Unhinged.

His cheeks kissed a little pink. He doesn’t even care that he dropped his cigarette in the mud. He’d rather chase the taste of your lips and let that sustain him all morning. Better than pills and nicotine. This static-fizzy-starburst feeling he gets big lungfuls of when around you.

“Didn’t mean to grab you like that. But I must admit that chain is certainly a handy hook.” You flick a fingertip to it. Sway that lolling chain into his thigh. Biting your lower lip in a smile.

He cups one side your face. If anyone got to chew that lip, it’s gonna be him. Leans in to gently smooch you again.

“Goddamn. I was reaching for my attack whistle there, pencils.” He rubs his hand over your hip. Rings chafe against your denim waistband.

“Maybe I was overzealous. But I do have a stunning defence.”

You lean up on tiptoes to smash a polite smooch back to his mouth. He mumbled a curious sound into your lips.

“Which is?” He seeks. Lips chasing yours for more. Even through speaking. Insanity catches.

“I missed you like crazy and it’s been barely 12 hours since I last saw you, and kissed you. And etcetera…” You flirt.

He can see these little delighted pips in your eyes. Like sowed little seeds of pride. The etcetera being all the dirty things you finally got to indulge in last night. Threaded in moonlight at skull rock.

No regrets. He doesn’t see any tint of regret in you.

Seeing that kicks his rocker heart right up to the moon, and sailing on over it. Like those old songs. Moonbeams and old soft tinkling pianos. Ladies with gardenias in their hair crooning about moondance, love and seeing stars.

He gets it now. He totally gets all of that sappy shit.

“I hereby decree that is far too long, and way too stupid of us, actually.” He finishes your thoughts for you. They were symmetrical to his own after all.

“So stupid. We’re just like, a complete pair of morons right now.” You concur. Linking your fingers into his. Standing toe to toe and just drinking in how it feels to be near again.

“So I’m thinking, we should cease all impending stupidity and uh y’know, catch a movie tonight or, grab a bite at Benny’s. Something like that. Anything.” He says. Smile all limned in excitement.

Shaking that big moppish mane of hair as a grin splits his mouth when he speaks, makes him look like an out and out excited little kid.

Fidgeting with your hands and immersing himself in the tactile deliciousness of your hands being held in his. Little touches that stayed with him all night.

Kept bugging him even in dreams he’s sure thoughts of you crept at the oil slick lining of his mind like wing tips of persistent gentle moths. The dusty old ones the colour of sour grey milk. Ones that they get flapping around the trailer porch light at night in balmy summer. The soft blink as they hit the glass shade.

“Burgers at Benny’s sounds so good.” You grin. “Loaded chilli fries?”

He scoffs. “Naturally. I’m not an animal.”

You run your hands through his wild hair. Listen to him talk. Heart entirely bloated with love of this boy. You swear it’s knocking all giddy up against your ribs like some deformed roaming creature seeking release.

“Shall we head out after class? I’ll drive.” He offers. His stomach zig-zags in vicious excitement.

“Catch you after class, handsome.” You grin.

“Ohh, whoa. I never said I was done with you yet.” His eyes flicker with something you think is cheekiness.

Swooping in to slow kiss you for a beat too long. An embrace that makes him hum softly. Makes you mewl. Right at he back of his throat. Lips roaming gentle and soft and your bodies rock together. Gets him cupping your back to keep you near.

“Fuckk gimme another one of those, pencils. I’m not below begging.” Cups your face again. He wants another kiss. Eyes wide as bourbon brown saucers

Chuckling in the muggy space between your smiles, cheeks fired all warm, sharing the same breath, you lean in and give it to him. Giving him the deep messy kiss you’d been craving.

When it’s time to pull back to guzzle air and maybe some reality again, Eddie chases your retreat with his mouth. His lips bruised a stunning cupid pink. Taking a breath that he’s not sure he needs more than he does you.

“Jesus H Christ. How the hell am I gonna even attempt to concentrate today-“ He asks. Voice all raspy and slow gravel.

“What usually stops you?” You sass him. He bites his lip all naughty and softly jabs you right in the stomach; a move designed to tickle.

“Blasphemy. Dear one. I mean, how dare you.” He grins. Chocolate drop eyes all crinkled at their corners. You cover his hand on your stomach, with your own. He likes the soft warm pouch of you there.

It’s tactile. It’s touch. It shoots right to the roof of Eddie’s brain and does something so funky to him he can’t even describe it in words. Actions maybe - Beer on an empty stomach. The first hit of some really silky smooth strain Rick gives him to try. The home made warm sugary scent of that peach cobbler Wayne makes him on his birthday.

They haven’t designed or discovered enough appropriate words to put to this feeling. None that even his whip smart nature can grasp at.

“I’ll soothe that wounded ego and buy you a chocolate shake later if it pleases.” You offer. Tilting your head. Offer placed on the table.

“An ego bruise is a problem I will gladly allow you to throw chocolate and ice cream at.” His fingers worm their way through yours. Knuckles locked. You could do this all day.

“Can be swayed with chocolate. Good to know.”

“And candy. Pizza rolls are good too.”

“Noted.” You beam. Snuggling to his front. Hands still joined. Fused as one.

The sound of the bell ringing for first period is a rude interjection into a morning that’s shaping up to be stellar.

Eddie didn’t seem best pleased by this. Judging by the way he takes advantage of that split second of your distraction hearing the bell, to snatch his hands at your shoulders and loop you round so your back is to the wall instead of his. Sneak attack.

His arm is a leather band over the back of your waist and he gently cups your chin and deepens a silky melting kiss that is, just, so many elements of perfect it should be outlawed that just kissing can be this good.

The plush of his deeply plump lips, with the scraping push of some stubble on his upper lip. It’s delicious. The way he kisses is better than any hit off any joint. You don’t care what he says. Better than purple haze. Better than fucking anything. Backed by sheer dopey sized crushes that take you both, head to toe. Crushes taking on a life of their own. Wearing your skins whole and making you desperate. Make you ache.

You kiss him back. Desperately. Drenched in want. But also knowing that you should be hot-footing it to your first class lest you get a tardy slip. To turn up late, with a very very kiss worn mouth like that would be about as obvious as the nose on your face.

“Eddiii-mmmmm.” You plead to his bewitching mouth. Smoky minty breath and the faintness of his morning coffee on your tastebuds. He’s cupping your face like your some sacred relic he has to handle gently. As if he had corrosive fingertips. Strychnine laced touch.

When he pulls back. Hands two big gangly paws holding your neck, there’s this sweet dazed look all over his expression. Drugged on you. The way you kissed him like his tongue is made out of cherry candy and you only want more- oh lord.

How’s that for irony. The Hawkins High school dealer and here he is getting a huge hit, from kissing you. Nothing that comes pre rolled in a baggie making his mind fuzz like hot molasses, or circled into a wild little chalky pill that makes his head all bright and fuzzy sharp like cotton candy.

Making out before class he can gladly get hooked on. He thinks he’s there already. DT-Ing for more. Make him shake and rattle on all fours like a rabid dog.

“One for the road…” He explains inbetween raspy pants for breath. A silly smile all yours for the keeping.

You pat his chest. He could honestly whimper at the tactile feel of your hand resting on the meat of his pectoral. So dangerously close to skin on skin.

“I better go.” You sigh. A drop kick to your mood to leave him. You take a step back.

He can’t allow that. He whines like a kicked puppy. Button eyes all round and shiny with whatever amount of sadness it would take to root you here, with him.

“Don’t. Pencils. Stay here. Stay uneducated and stupid with me and let’s just make out, all day.” He waggles some filthy intentioned brows at you. Pleading threaded onto his voice. Trying his best to yank you back.

“You could easily tempt me to play hooky any day, Munson. But I’ve been studying for this test all week.” You point out.

“Well. I can’t deny that dorky chicks turn me on.” He sighs nicely. You can’t help smiling.

“Really? I figured tiny pleated little cheerleader skirts and peppy bouncy pom-poms turned you on.” You tease. Voice all sultry.

He leans in and smacks a kiss to the end of your nose.

“Nuh-uh. I like em’ covered in paint and jeans and artsy, and working in record shops with old hippies. And hopelessly in all consuming love with me.” He grins.

“Kiss ass.” You smirk. Smacking a kiss to his cheek. Stepping back. His hand slithers to find yours again. Links fingers. His rings glitter. They’re all warm where he’s been holding hands with you. On you.

“Hey, my girlfriend is a damn fox. This is a hill I’ll die on.”

You bring your joined hands up and kiss the back of his for that.

“Class beckons.” You roll your eyes. Shouldering your bag. Unwilling to unlink hands until you absolutely had too.

“See you at lunch?” You ask. His brows creased. Makes him look like an upset puppy.

“Can’t. Got a drop to make in the woods.”

“Parking lot after school?” He counter offers.

“You bet.” You agree. And you cannot even handle the wait.

You walk away around the corner. Eddies eyes trail over you as you go.

“Enjoy the smoke.” You turn over your shoulder and call back.

He saluted you with a flicking motion, with that million dollar grin pleasured all over his face.

“Brutal babe. You know what I’d enjoy more…” his inflection at the end of his words lets you know what he’s referring too.

“Down boy.” You play as you head off. Smile all secret and wide for him. Grin so wide it makes his heart pulse.

He’s grasping a hand over his mad heart as you slip away. One knee bent up. Sneakered foot flat to the wall behind him.

He reaches for that cigarette and his lighter. Though he doubts this little stick will do any damn thing that kissing you didn’t. He lights up. Grinning. You left his heart thrashing about and kicking inside the shell of his denim and leather like a damn drum in a cramps song.

Way, way across the field, sat high up on the bleachers with some of the girls on the cheer squad. In full view of the back brick wall where you had just been. Supposedly around the corner and concealed from view-

Linda snapped her binder shut. Eyes packed in venom. Huffing as she picked up her books.

Lipsticked lips pursed together in a grim hot pink line. Annoyance fills her chest and rams up against her ribs. Sour in her stomach. Nastiness curdled up on her tongue. She’d seen enough.

You and the freak. Just like Jonny said.

No fucking way.

~

Eddie bapped along to some rock that had been trapped in the lining of his crazy head since this morning. Head bumping as he hummed along, sang under his breath to Rattlehead. That mane flicking every which way.

Metal lunchbox swings from his hand and clatters as he bounced along the familiar route. Feet trained for the way. Leaves cushion his rustling step. He drags his eyes over the foliage spread high above.

Dappled with gold sunshine of the afternoon that chips down. The odd scurry of a bird flapping around the treetops. Nature and the soothing crash of wind lacing through wide apple-green leaves. He darts his eyes around, seeking and searching for the shape of anyone to come crashing through the trees.

He arrived at his little decaying stoop in the woods. The table that’s so carved and scarred with crude drawings and initials it’s chipped and falling to bits. Cig butts littered everywhere and Eddie shamefully admits some of them are most likely his. His place of business is well reputed.

Swinging his leg over the bench seat and slinking himself up onto the table to take a pew. Sneakers resting on the seat. Cause when has he ever approached anything normally, or fallen into doing anything that comes into the category of usual.

He throws the lunchbox lid open with no gilding the lily, and braces his scattered mind into this deal. Shoves through the bags to find the semi-decent stuff. Wave of heady green hits him in the nose as he rummaged and carried on humming to himself.

Though really for the preppy guy who propositioned this drop, he’s tempted to charge way too much for a thin little roll of ditchweed.

Alas, his reputation is too important. One bad sale and he’d never touch profits on it again. He will unwillingly part with some decent sativa for the knucklehead.

He thumbs through his papers and rustling bags and makes a note of exactly what he’ll put his fistful of measly dollars from the sale towards; another date with you.

He’s heard of this great alt store a couple towns over. Super your style. Record store in back, cool clothing, apparantly a rock n roll kinda vibe that you would appreciate. Posters, merch, jewellery, you name it.

He can’t think of a better place to take you for a date. He’s keeping it under wraps even though, god knows, his blabber mouth which runs and rants away from itself, wanted to yell and shriek about it to you nonstop.

How he wanted to scrape together some dollars to buy you something. A handful of punk style patches, a tee, a poster for your bedroom door that needed some anarchy or some goth Siouxsie. Maybe a little Joan and some Blackhearts action.

He’s heard you crank them up on your headphones to blaring when you’re trying to concentrate on a sketch. Like the loudness lifts you out your mind and transcends into the paint.

How he wanted to make a mixtape for you, of all the metal songs - and to his embarrassment some of the less tacky love ballads - that bring you to the forefront of his mind when he hears them. Even some older crooning songs that Wayne likes.

The stuff he was drip-fed on in his early days, sweet and crooning, like slow gold honey melting into his ears. Listening to them and snatching pieces of melody that breezed through the trailer. Warm and sunny to listen to. Softly swaying Don Henley, Woodie Guthrie, and Jim Croce. Even some Ella or some Julie London and her smokiness.

He smiles to himself as he comes to Rattlehead’s chorus. Toes tapping the rotten old bench and creaking the wood, as he scrunches bags aside this way and that to find the pre-rolls. Fingers drum the beats off the side of the tin. Clacking out into the woods.

The brutal snap of a twig makes him peer around.

Eddie swims his eyes through the trees and eventually drags them to find a Jock with his hands shoved in his pockets.

It’s not someone he’s on a first name basis with. He’s lost amongst a sea of sensible jeans and varsity two tones. Sea green and blinding white with the lion gold yellow Hawkins H proudly blazoned on his front.

Crazy how differently they wear their allegiances.

He’s the anti-thesis of Eddies style. Shirt tucked in. Sensible white sneakers that aren’t beat up to shit. Preppy. Hair brushed. Some square jawed Ryan or Chad or whomever, pads towards him.

The look in his eyes twists Eddie’s gut like wet flannel. Scathing.

He’s seen hatred and distain before. Of course. It’s poured very freely his way.

Thats nothing new to him. Distaste. Eye rolls louder than claps of thunder and tutts coming stabbed under breath peppered with nasty words.

This is that crowd at its ugliest. The tribe this guy is happily a part of. Supposed fuckin’ Normalcy. They scar the word ‘Freak’ into him over and over again. Stomp it into his messy maned head over and over with their feet.

Finally he got tired of the brutal raining down kicks and just took it. Weened the power of it. Stole it from them and flipped it. Made it his shield. Propped it up with that DIO patch on his back. Let their hatred sink into that and roll away useless.

Let them know it doesn’t sink down to places where they want it to hurt.

Eddie swallows. Throat suddenly a sticky chasm. Tried to soften the blow and put away whatever the fuck this guy was trying to scowl and throw at him.

“Hey, man. You’re my 1 o’clock right?” He asks. Tapping his knee still and fiddling with his hands.

The guy swerved his jaw before he spoke. “Yeah.” Spine held poker rigid as he answered. Like it offended him to have to be here and talk.

He came into the clearing. Sneakers rustling leaves. Something feels sour about this whole thing.

“Okay. Well- um.” He awkwardly clears his throat. Reaches into the box that he gently sets beside himself. Grabs the joint and fidgets with it for a second.

“It’s uh, it’s twenty bucks for a pre-roll.” Eddie tells him.

“Great.” He watches the guy nod. Curt. His expression steely. Eyes glassy in a way that’s beyond unsettling.

“Ohhhkay.” Eddie nods. Eyes a fraction too pinched at the corners. Concerned frown dragging down his brows. Wondering what the stitch up is. His eyes dart around. Bordering on panic.

He stands to get off the bench, the guy doesn’t so much a muscle to reach across and take the joint off him. Hands still shoved deep in his pockets.

Eddie holds the joint. The guy doesn’t even move to take it.

“It won’t bite man. Smooth as silk and just, hits you like a cool wave when you smoke that puppy. Trust me.”

Something flickers like a sneer across the guys mouth. He looks at the innocuous rolled joint Eddie’s holding out to him. Looks at the brown paper all rolled in his palm.

Eddie shrugs. Wide open. Leather crinkles over the jutting movement of his shoulders.

“You want it or not?” A razor edge starting to creep into his tone.

If this is someone who hasn’t made their mind up, he’s got other places to be. Better times to be had. Than waiting on whether or not the preppy jerk is gonna take the goods off his hands. Or use more than two syllables.

“If you don’t want it. I’ll go right now. Forget it. No hard feelings.” He takes the edge off for him.

Despite the fact that actually a little simmering front of annoyance bubbles at his belly for the guy wasting his free period he could have used to kiss you senseless with wandering hands, right up against the side of his van.

He turns around and throws the joint back into the box. Shaking his head. Making his hair do that wild kicky thing it usually does.

“Maybe you should go. Freak.” Comes spat his way. Drawn in a snarl.

“Whatever, dude.” Eddie puts his back to him. Folds his product back into his box.

More snaps. More rustled leaves. Eddie drifts his eyes up and sees three more guys coming through the woods to the clearing. Walking slowly, picking over nature to come to the bench all menacingly slow. Like he was a deer they were in danger of spooking.

All wearing Hawkins letterman jackets. Sneers writ on all their faces. Intimidation carved into every step they take. They look way too happy to see him here alone.

Suddenly Eddie feels small. Feels like he’s right back in middle school. Being tossed around and bashed up by the bullies. Coming home with stinging scraped knees and a cheek that feels swollen hot, itchy like bloated meat. The crust of dried rust scabbing under his nose.

This feels exactly like that. Some things never change.

“The fuck?” He asks. He won’t lie. His voice wobbles to a croak. Set on shaking sands.

“Where you goin’ loser?” One of them huffs out. Eddie turns his head.

Strutting towards him like the bullshit cover of macho magazine. Or J-Crew, is Barbies boyfriend. The blonde ape.

One of them he doesn’t recognise proudly comes up and slaps the lunchbox out his hands.

Eddie flinches back. Shrinks away. Puts distance between every step they eat up eagerly to come towards him. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want whatever’s coming barrelling his way. He hasn’t done anything except sell some reefer.

“Alright. Alright-“ Eddie stumbles back from the table. Hands high and empty. Voice jittery. His head and gut yell in sync - telling him to run the hell outta there.

“Clearly you guys have some sort of agenda I’m not aware of so why don’t we all just-“ His smile is all tremulous and shaky.

A fist drags his collar into a yank. A curled up punch swings into his face and knocks him clean to the ground before he can chew out his next words. His jaw snaps together. Hot pennies comes flooding his tongue where his teeth cut his cheek.

Stars and bursting black galaxies accompany his artless tumble to the ground.

And then some more fists come raining down. A sneakered foot planting square into his side to kick the wind clean out of him.

They leave him crumpled on the ground. Cushioned by rotting dry leaves. Smeared in mud, blood leaking from two places in his face. Spotting down to his dark shirt.

As a parting gift one of them empties his lunchbox over the floor and stomps its contents into the dirt.

He knows the feeling only all too well.

~

You clatter into the bathroom after your last class.

Let the bustle of crowds fall far behind you as everyone rushes to the lot to leave. Afternoon summer sun stripes its sneaking glory across the halls and slants the window ledges in gold.

You cross to the sinks and set your sketchbook crammed with new drawings on the side. Leafs of the paper and all the dried paint crinkling, as it’s wedged partially open by the sheer number of crammed pages all skated on dusty pencil or charcoal.

You’d need to buy another pretty soon. One with thick cloth like paper pages for you to fill up.

You go through new books like running water. Never stop sketching. You’d wanted to take Eddie to the funky art shop you grab your supplies from. You’ve a feeling he’d love seeing the paint sets and the sheer number of spray paints they got.

Creativity seemed to flourish from him. His imagination permanently running wild. Could never stop it. One of your favourite things about him in fact.

He would talk about your sketches. Ask you about them. Ask you what the best paint would be for decorating some new figurines he’s got.

He’d twirl the pen you’re using out your hand and tell you all about the way he’d sit in the library for hours drawing fantasy maps for his campaigns on graft paper. Drawing rolling green islands. Mountain caves with trolls. Boggy muggy swamps with draping trees and hidden dangers. Vast seas with coily sea serpents hiding in the waves.

He’d chat to you about your ideas. The ones you’re struggling with for art class. The things you need to study and learn about. The theory of colours. The use of them all dotted in a Poussin or swirled in a Van Gogh.

You could talk to Eddie about anything. For hours and hours. The mere fact of going to grab a huge greasy meaty junk fest of a dinner with him has you walking on clouds.

You want your evening with him already. It can’t come fast enough. You want salty loaded fries and a cold shake and relentless plush Eddie kisses. You wanna climb into the comfy ratty seat in that tired old van that you love. Listen to whatever blasting metal cassette he’s been humming along to all day.

Hell- even just seeing his whole face light up with a smile as you saunter up to his van. The way he’d look at you - the way he always looks at you - with those big shining brown eyes all haloed in golden sun. Brimming with mirth. Cheeks split wide and crow-eyes all bunched up at the corners in glee.

He burns so bright to see you, it’s like he’s swallowed the sun and stars combined. You feel so lucky to have that.

The way he links his fingers with yours. Lopes your fingers together as one and doesn’t even mind if your all paint spattered or your hands are too dry. Palms all hard from scrubbing off acrylic smudges.

He kisses your fingers and acts like you’re draped in diamonds.

Acts like you weren’t wearing a ribbed worn Henley. A large - borrowed - Berkeley blue varsity sweater knotted around your waist, or your straight worn baggy jeans, cuffed up hems and patched at the knees that you mended. And your truly awful red sneakers that are so beat up with age they’re almost a sad faded pink.

He still looks at you like you’re a holy revelation. Each time.

You heap your bag next to the sinks and scrub the last of the charcoal off your hands. Sticky pink soap making a lot of lather around your fingers as you washed the smudgy grey away from the creases in your knuckles. Watch the way it circles down the drain.

You pull up and dry them with the crinkly paper tissues sat on the side.

Take a second to look back to the mirror. Centred all around the ugly squiggles of old sharpie doodles etched on the walls. Contemplate your reflection.

You smooth the hair away from your forehead. Attempt to neaten some of the crazy fluffy bits that kink down around your ears. Fuss with it for a minute or two. Smudge the charcoal away off your cheek.

“Who you trying to look so nice for-“ Comes a cutting tone from behind you. Tone dredged through revulsion and back out again.

A twist over your shoulder reveals Linda. Stood there in her oversized acid wash denim jacket and too-short purple skirt. Hair all bunched up and piled on her head in a half up style wound with a magenta scrunchie. She stands with one hip cocked. And her eyes are frosty daggers.

Heat licks your spine in the shame that you’d been caught preening. “No one.” You say too quick.

Try and inflect some humour on your voice. “You know I don’t exactly have anyone to preen for.” You lie.

Looking down at your hands as you dry them. Scrubbing water away with damp paper. Crush it into a fist and ball it in the bin when you’re done.

You can feel her stare embedding itself into your skull. Like an engraving. Sharp. Scratch of a knife on hollow bone.

“I saw you with him. So don’t try and come at me with your bullshit.” She spits. Words tired and clipped.

You turn over your shoulder. She stands there seething. Looking as bitchy as she usually does. Pink lips pursed.

“Saw me…” you check.

“Yeah. You and Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson?” She poses the words like they’re offensive. Mocking.

Anger furred the back of your tongue. Like feasting on too much sugar. Or a chalky jagged pill lodging itself in your throat.

“Look. I know you’re like, a lonely little virgin or whatever, and you wanna pop your cherry and all, but there’s way better guys out there to screw-”

Your venom stops her words dead.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” You bite.

You see her face fall into shock at your tone. Snappy and sudden. She looked stunned. As if you’d wheeled around 360 and slapped her.

“Oh my god. Don’t tell me you actually like him? Are you serious?” She gapes like it’s illogical.

“He’s a loser with ratty hair who sells weed and lives in a shit hole trailer park.”

“I do like him. I more than like him. We’re dating.” You tell her with steel. “We’re going out tonight as it happens.”

“I knew you had a screw loose but this is just another level of low. Even for you.” Linda bitches.

“How do you never get tiredwith that constant tirade of shit that spills out your mouth Linda.” You snipe.

She rallies to respond. Scanning you with hard eyes backed with new levels of poison.

“I’m not the one dating the King of the freaks.” She hits at you, real low.

“No. You’re dating a two-bit jockstrap who doesn’t even like you, unless you blow him. At least Eddie wants me for more than my pussy.” You point out.

She swallowed. Eyes glimmer. You know that one bit deep.

“Don’t come crying to me when that trailer park asshole dumps you like a cup of cold poison.”

You shake your head and try to remember how to breathe. Snickering cracks of bones in your throat as you swallow. You want to fly into rage and slam your textbook into her stupid scathing face until it dents one of her precious cheekbones.

“You don’t even know him. None of you do. You don’t even know the first two things about him.” You defend loud.

“I know he’s weird as shit and sells skunk. What a catch.”

You bite your tongue. Plenty of insults about Jonny come crawling to mind.

“How long have you two been-“ She sniffs.

“Couple of weeks now. Since Kyle’s party.” You hurl at her furiously.

Her face fills with an expression you can’t read as everything comes to make sense. Falls into place. Puzzle pieces clicking.

“You’ve been lying to me this whole time.”

“Yeah. And you’re so self centred look how long it’s taken you to even notice or give a shit about what’s happening to me or my life.” You finally say all the things you should have voiced long ago.

“You’re only interested now because you care what other people are gonna say on Monday, and what they’ll gossip about.”

“He’s trouble, and he’s gonna get you hurt. Probably gonna give you a filthy rash or something too.” She sneers. “Lord knows what he’s riddled with.”

“You’re such a fucking bitch.” You grit your teeth. Emotion gets the better of your voice. Tears bubble at your lash line. Red hot.

“Not gonna be my problem to have you trailing round after me anymore. Cause by the way, we are no longer friends.” Linda spits. Eyes narrow to slits.

You nod. Resigned. Tears of anger prick the corners of your eyes. You’re too angry to let them loose.

“What a goddamn relief.” You hit back. Chew your lower lip.

“I’ve had to listen to you bitch at me, and whine and snipe, and moan, for years. I’ve had to endure your tantrums and your cutting comments, and every play-by-play of every unsatisfying Friday night screw around, with your shitty dirtbag of a boyfriend who treats you like garbage. And who you run back to each time he fucks you over. And I’m so sick of you.” Your voice comes out raw.

“So yeah. You’re right. We’re not friends anymore. I don’t think we’ve been that for a very long time.”

You put your back to her and grab your books.

“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Freak.” She sideswipes nastily as you shoulder your way past her.

Catching her on purpose. Shoving her with your shoulder to catch her teetering in those heels.

“Have fun with your trailer trash.” She snips.

“Word of advice. Make sure Jonny wraps it first. Word is he’s been screwing Tina on the cheer squad behind your back every Wednesday.“

You watch her saunter up past you to get to the mirror and touch up her lipstick. Ignore ignore ignore.

Her too sweet Revlon perfume making your stomach roil. She looks at her reflection. The thing she loved most. It’s amazing you ever got a look in. She scrunches up sections of her hair to make it bounce. An indifferent mask on her face.

Trying to ignore you already so the tears don’t come. So what else is new.

You pause at the door. Hand on the handle. Books piled on your arms.

“Sad thing is. I never expected you to act any different when you found out. Turns out you’re just that shallow vain bully I always suspected you to be.”

She pretends not to hear as you slip out the door. You’re sure to slam it as loudly as you can.

Coming out into the partially empty hall. Quickly skating a hand down your cheek. Taking a gulp of a deep breath. Starting down the hallway to come to the doors at the end.

Letting the distance to that girls restroom salvage some of your anger. Let it ebb away and let the savage venom words roll down your skin like blunt razors.

You wait to see if they feel like they’ve drawn any blood.

Maybe just a raking deep black bruise. Perhaps the confrontation has lifted a rock solid weight off your chest. Cut your ties to something corrosive.

You storm to the doors at the end, and push your way out. Into the midsummer air. Afternoon sun washing over you as it creeps it’s golden-fiery way by. Slanting ochre across the parking lot.

A gaggle of people clutched around one of the sticky lunch tables stops you dead in your tracks.

That weight comes crashing back with all the subtle tact and grace of a tank storming a building.

It’s Hellfire. The crowd. It’s Gareth, Mike, Jeff and Henderson. They’re all clutched around someone sat on the bench seat. Someone who is leaning forwards with his elbows resting on his knees. One hand held up to his head.

Your mood plunges even more. There’s a sour shift as some of them twist to look at you.

Big childlike eyes full of something that approaches wariness. Sadness dashed with insecurity. The kid-like uncertainty of how to deal with this very gruesome and very real situation.

A cold can of tab, now warm, for the crescent bruise taking shape around his eye socket.

One of them fishing around in the bottom of their bag for crumpled blue band aids. Anything to help.

A wad of crinkly and loveless paper towels snatched from the boy’s restroom and wadded into a wet lump for the blood pouring under his nose. The fresh red that’s staining his tee like big gruesome poppy petals.

His free hand is wrapped around his side for the bruise he can already feel like a dark cloud of cherry red and blue cobwebbing up his skin and over each slat of his ribs on his left side.

They shuffle away from the table and you finally get to see what they all look so grim about.

Eddie is hunched over with a black eye and a bloodied face and nose. He’s muddy and dirty and scratched up and when he meets your gaze, your world shudders on its axis, to a grinding halt.

The way he’s looking at you shatters your damn heart into huge glassy shards. Diamonds and sprinkles of it, sharp and chunky, cut into your chest. Daggering.

He’s hurt.

He swallows and keeps eye contact. Looks at you with such fear and sorrow emanating from those big round bourbon eyes. You see the apprehension in his body.

It doesn’t get any better when he winced and tries to stand. Body bowing as he slowly eased himself off the bench seat. Hand cupping his ribs as he inched his way to a full stand. You hear him groan.

You see as pain flickers across his face. The usual springy frolicking gait is muted. It’s etched with pain and writ with ache.

He wishes he could read your expression right now. As it is he’s struggling to sort it into one emotion.

You look hurt, tear stained, livid and clenched rigid with something that could only be bone deep anger. Venomous, mind numbing, anger. And it was just bubbling and clawing it’s way to a fever pitch.

“Pencils-“ He wets his lips. Looks meek as he watches you carefully. Tenderness in his voice.

You dump your books where you stand and turn on your heel. Sketchbook cast to the floor and heaped atop your bag. You slam back through the doors and into the school - mind set on one salient thing.

The doors slam not seconds after you. The creaking jolt as the metal crunches back into place. Footprints scatter after you on the lino. The squeak of muddy sneakers. The gusting air of a sigh bred with a wince.

Eddie chases after you with all his might. Hooks his hand to your elbow. Tries his best to stop you.

“Hey. Pencils. Babe. Please, let’s get outta here. Let’s just forget this. I don’t know who it was- I didn’t see them.”

He’s really a terrible liar.

“With all due respect Eddie. I know who did it.” You explain bitterly, as you wander along. His touch turns to a tug on your elbow. Pulling at your shirt.

“Because he’s not smart enough to juggle two thoughts at once, much less try and hide the fact he beat you up. And second his jagged pill of a girlfriend just tore me to strips in the girls restroom for finding out.” You say. Possibly louder than you intended.

His face falls.

“Hey, hey…” He says softly.

You turn back. Tears springing down your cheeks. His hands are all over you. Cupping your neck. Your shoulders. You can smell the blood coming off him. Sour pennies. Desperation laced his voice. Comes off him in waves.

Desperate for you not to to this.

“This isn’t stupid shit to me Eddie. This is not okay. Not something I’m gonna let get brushed under the rug-“ your lip wobbles. You shake your head. You rub your nose. Chase the tickling tears away.

He mimics you. Shaking his own head so his hair flicks out. Eyes wide and terror stroked words pour out his mouth.

“Don’t go getting into trouble for me. I don’t want that for you.” He begs. His eyes are wide with it.

“Good thing I want it then.” You resolve.

He looks apprehensive. Choked by it. Scared by your resolve. He doesn’t want to let you do this. This is a doomsday territory.

“Pencils-“

You continue down the hall. He follows. Still doing everything in his power to convince you, or try to stop you. Credit to him, his list of reasons are pretty excellent.

Babe. Please. It doesn’t have to be a thing.

You’re on track. You have your grades. You got Indie state in your future to think of. I don’t want you jeopardising that for me.

I don’t want you going and getting in trouble for this.

He doesn’t stop you from making your way to the gym. But he is right there at your back as you push open the doors, shove your way inside and you don’t care if your entrance is loud.

The idiot jocks practice in the gym after school. Basketball mostly. Some dotted in the bleechers. Long suffering girlfriends sat with bubblegum pink coloured files, shaping their nails to the side and chatting and trying not to look too bored whilst the guys play. Linda sits chattering to one of the cheerleaders.

You wrinkle your nose at the stench. Whole place smells like musty sweat, floor polish and old socks.

Jonny has his back to you as he dribbled the ball. The ricochet of it pangs across the court.

You race across the floor to him like a hell fury. Fists clenched at your side. Eddie still trying in vain to get between you and your stubborn brain. To try and talk you out of this before it’s way too late.

Your entrance with him hot on your heels and whispering pleas at you, draws laughter and sniggering sneers from some of his dirtbag friends. Shouts come aimed your way.

Hey, look who it is. It’s the freaks.

Closed practice, morons.

Jonny doesn’t turn back but you make your presence known.

“Hey. You dumb fuck stain.”

You march right up to his sweaty back and shove him hard with both hands. Wrinkle that goddamn white basketball jersey.

The guys around him make mocking noises. Chorus of awes and exclamations.

The room slowly dawns quieter. The squeak of shoes muffled. Everyone’s eyes centre court where you stand seething. Panting for breath and trying to look as livid as you felt.

He turns back to you all slow and condescending. Like he’s some golden haired Apollo flouncing down from Mount Olympus to grace you with his presence. He’s limned in sweat and dissects you both with conceited arrogance.

“What’s your damage?” He sarcs. Looking down at you like you’re an ant. Or a mangy mongrel.

He flicks his eyes across and landing on Eddie.

“Munson. How’s them ribs.” He sneers.

You’re about ready to topple over the edge and spit nails. Anger gently creeps to a boil.

“Just peachy, thanks for asking.” Eddie answers. Mouth is a grim line. And his eyes look stern coal black. He turns his attention back to you.

“Pencils please. Let’s just let it go. There’s no point…” He whispers. Standing with his hand gently cupping your forearm.

“What do you want? Teams full. We don’t accept weirdos anyway.” Jonny pushes at the both of you.

“I’m not leaving this spot until you tell me why you attacked my boyfriend.” You steel. Voice low and even.

You can feel Eddie’s eyes on you like lasers. Burning holes in the back of your head.

His mouth gapes a little. If it weren’t for the fact he’s terrified off his ass stood here, his heart would flutter like a fledgling baby birds wings, to hear those words admitted aloud.

“No reason. Just don’t like him.” He shrugs all honesty. Passing the ball over to his friend. Standing with his hands on his hips.

“Careful hefting those big thoughts around. You might hurt yourself.” You fire out.

Your fight with Linda left sharp scalpel words on your tongue and now you ache to use them to their fullest.

He doesn’t look happy. Dark gold hair beading sweat down into his cenote blue eyes. Rigid anger on his frown as he glares at you.

“Linda didn’t like the idea of him being around you. She told us we were teaching him a lesson. To stay away from you. We were protecting you, moron.” He says like it should be obvious.

“How fucking considerate. Your girlfriend couldn’t think her way out of a damn paper bag if she had a map, Jonny.”

You feel Linda’s scowl all the way across the room. The weight those slitted eyes and a bitchy scoff. You know those echoing words found their target. Slammed right into bullseye red making their mark. You hope it truly hurts. As much as she hurt you

“She didn’t reserve the right to presume any fucking thing about me. And not one thing gave you not the right to hurt Eddie. Not under the guise of some macho-stupid ‘protecting-you’ crap.” You snarl.

He bounces the ball. You slam forwards and bat it out scathingly out his hand. Send it rolling away.

More chorus of noises scattered around you both as you stepped toe to toe with the guy who almost towered over you.

“You acted out of pure hatred. So don’t try and dress it up at something else. You useless. shithead.” You insult.

“And what are you going to do about it, freak, huh?” He jabbed. Nostrils flaring. Lips pressed together unattractively thin. Looks like a provoked silverback in his enclosure. About the beat his chest.

He turns to guffaw laughter and sneer with his friends.

When you speak it’s so reed thin it even makes a shiver run up Eddie’s spine. Slices of jagged metal.

And he’s not even on the receiving end of this frightening ire of yours. The one that’s bursting out of you like raw lightning. Like it can’t fathomably contain you. Love and fierce packed rage tight in situ.

“This…” You remark with a clenched fist. Thumb wrapped over your knuckles.

Your nail polish glints blue in the light like steely-inky beetle wings. Your eyes barely smother down live-wires. Danger, danger.

You thought about how they would’ve laughed at him.

Kicked him into the dirt like wet leaves and muck that drifts off the trees in fall.

How they would have laid into him and left him there. On the floor. Blood soaked.

Shown the freak who’s in charge.

It flashes when you rear your arm back. Putting full force into your right shoulder, feet taking a firm stance. You channel everything you have into this fearsome right hook;

You swing your fist straight into Jonnys face.

It’s powerful enough to hear a loud crack, you feel the blow shudder into bone. Catching his nose, which spurts blood.

He recoils and staggers. Knocked off balance. Sound punctured out his mouth. Clutching his bleeding face as red streams drip on his pretty white shoes. Stains his pristine uniform. Good.

Try explaining that one to mommy and daddy dearest.

You don’t even let him swing back around. You grab the shoulder of his disgusting sopping jersey and ball it in your hand. Using that as leverage to drive your knee high - hard - into his balls.

Before you let him slump to the floor in a bleeding pile of sweat glazed limbs. You mutter words just for him to take caution of.

“Come near me or Eddie again, and believe me I will break your goddamn jaw, Lopez.”

You let him crumple this time. Flag to the floor in a heap of collapsing bones and sweaty jock uniform.

He looks up at you, trembling. Blood skirting down his arms and past his cupped palm. Tears streak down his cheeks. You step back and let him crumple.

He’s spitting and snarling crude insults in between wails of pain, and a sticky mouthful that smears his teeth red, and stains his tongue with metal.

“You broke my nose, you crazy fuckin’ bitch.” He spits. It sounds wet. Words sluiced in crimson.

“Finally. A nickname I can warm too.” You scathe.

When you look up, guys around him flinched back a good few paces in case they fell into the category of your rage. Wariness edging their expression. Eyes wide and mouths caught suspended open, like brain dead guppies at feeding time.

Eddie stepped forwards and gently laid his hand on your shaking arm. His fingers urge you closer. Get you following him to haul ass outta there.

You scan the room and find Linda gaping at you just as dumbly as everyone else. She’s risen to a stand. Face like she’s just swallowed a painful poison pill. Apparently in no rush whatsoever to get to her boyfriend.

“It’s ok. I’m done here.” You tell him. Gritting your teeth. Meeting Linda’s eyes.

You turn and walk away. Back to this whole affair Amazed how scarily easy it is. Leaving your supposed friendship in the dust. Bleeding crumpled on that floor.

You feel an enormous sense of relief walking out that gym.

Your hand killing you. No doubt about it. Shooting mad red hot fireworks up and down your forearm. Your knuckles feel like hell. Sparking furious with pain.

You reach for Eddie’s hand anyway. Screw the pain. You slip your fingers into his. Turn and catch his eyes.

He’s watching you with so much cautionary care and concern.

You breathe. Lungs shivering around new calm air. Words come easy but you feel shaky with them.

“C’mon. Let’s go get you something for that eye.”

He agrees with a nod. Then that hopping spark that’s truly skated in usual Munson mischief, comes springing back full force into his eyes. Lovely happy bourbon again.

“Wouldn’t dare refuse you, Pencils. Not after seeing what you’re capable of.” He grins. Nudging you with a shoulder to get a smile out of you.

“Damn right. Those idiots just cost us a date night. He deserved all that and more.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” He smiles. Eyes still stuck on your face.

He lopes alongside you. Hand clutched in yours. Shoulder rolling to yours. It feels whole. It feels like trust.

~

You sit in Eddie’s van in the parking lot of the Fair Mart. Despite your protestations, he fully insisted he was fine to drive. He rolled into park out front just about as the sun began to set.

The night started to pull in. All lilac and periwinkle skies, soft as a vintage eiderdown that made you think of bluebirds feathers as you watched that solemn shade of blue overtake the sky.

Making the all too yellow lights within the dingy place stand out proud. Blinking a little. Humming along with the huge freezers inside. All the twee touches of home made signs telling you about the canned goods on offer. Written on card with flicky show-manly italics. Some easy friendly music sparkles out the speakers.

The plump clerk is smiling and jolly and bubbly bright, even when you unload for a whole armful of some medical supplies on the counter. Eyeing your now purpling knuckles with sparky perception. Ringing things up, you throw in a bag of jolly ranchers and a couple of ice cold cans - they suggest a rattling jar of aspirin.

“Take away the sting, honey.” He wafts a knowing hand. “That’ll be $11.90.”

You pay with a watery smile and walk out with a paper bag full. It crinkles in your arms as you go back to Eddie. Who’s sat with his legs dangling out the driver side of his van. Fidgeting with his rings all skittish. Legs swinging to an invisible tune. Still Rattlehead, actually.

You’re the only people in the place. Talk about lulled and sleepy Hawkins. This clearly isn’t a place for two teenagers on a Friday night. They’re all off sucking face at the quarry or skull rock. Or gathering at the arcade.

You come back and get to work cleaning him up.

Lump the bag down beside him, close to his hip, and you stand between his spread legs. Hand fiddling with your belt loop so carefully. He feels you gently brush sweeps of his bangs off his forehead to get at his skin and smudge away a bit of dirt. He lets you. Sat there and losing himself in his gazing.

He winced a little when you gently dabbed some antiseptic cream on the cut at his cheek.

“There’s Jolly ranchers in there you know.” You supply.

“Is that a bribe for me to sit still?” He checks. “Cause it will definitely work.” He dives his hand into the crinkly paper and searches for the candy. He finds one and holds it in his palm until you’re done.

“Who, um.” He swallows. Looking too intently at his ripped jean kneecap. “Who taught you how to—“

You draw back and let him find his words. Let him come to you with it.

“Who taught me how to throw a punch?” You smile.

Still dabbing his cheek. Fingers slipped under his chin and tilting his head up to you. When he could stay still enough.

“My sister. She bought me self defence lessons after-“ The words die and wither up all grey and ashen in your mouth.

You break eye contact for a second and rub at your brow.

It slowly creeps over his head like some dreadful tide. After what?-

Eddie knows he doesn’t like the look settling over your features. One bit. He doesn’t care for it at all.

“It was the summer before junior year. Around the time Linda and Jonny started dating. We went to this party. She didn’t want to go alone so I was roped in. Dressed me in one of her stupid mini skirts, planned to set me up with one of his buddies, Alex.” You pause and chew over the words.

“It was stupid as shit, looking back now, but we got so stupid drunk. Teen freedoms and lite beer. We thought we were so cool. So much so I didn’t notice that my drink was spiked with something. I don’t even know what. All I can remember is just, blackness, and then waking up with Alex sliding his hand up my skirt.”

Eddie blinks. Shuts his eyes for a second. His voice sounds so far away. “Shit. Pencils.” He rasps. Upset and angry on your behalf. He looks more hurt than all those bruises scattering his face.

“Nothing else happened. I screamed blue murder, and shoved him off me and just turned tail and got the hell out of dodge. Walked miles home in heels til I got blisters all over. Charlie was so so pissed. First time I’ve ever seen my Mom go full apocalyptic angry.” You explain.

“She wanted to bring charges but Alex’s family lived on Loch Nora, and his dad was a bigwig in local council so naturally he just chalked it up to underage kids having too much drink and touting it around town that a ‘misunderstanding’ occurred. Transferred their golden boy to a private school. And it just got, quietly swept away.” You accept.

All the pieces slowly floated and formed together to clarity in Eddie’s head.

“Linda stayed with Jonny even after all that shit you went through…” He asks. You nod.

“Stuck like glue.” You infer.

He can’t stand it any longer. wraps his arms around you fully and tugs you into a bold hug. Burying his face in your chest. Listening to the tick of your heart, and feeling you hold him back. Smiling and pressing a kiss to the wild nest of his hair. He smelled like sour-sweet green apple shampoo and earthy papery leaves.

“I’m so sorry.” He rumbled into your arm. His hug says so much more than that.

I’m here and I’m not leaving. Whatever you need - I’ll give it. Carve it out of my chest because you own every piece of me - in full.

“Not your fault, Eddie. I stopped being mad a while ago.” You tell him. Pressing another kiss to his head.

That’s why he’d been so unsuccessful in being able to stop you today. Because you’d let one bout of assault go, like hell were you about to let that happen all over again. And not to him. Drew some blood of your own to partially settle an old debt. To quiet some old violent ghosts.

He lets go of you and plonks the red wrapped jolly rancher in your right hand.

“I think you need and deserve this more than I do. And I’ll keep on being mad on your behalf - if that’s ok.” He says honestly. Fingers slithering through yours. He twists your hand over and sees the bruises wrapping around your knuckles.

You smile.

“I’ll take that.” You answer in reply to his offer. “The candy and that kind offer.”

Cause this is exactly what you need. Him. Him in all his unusual and funky glory.

Metal head with a heart so pure you’re actually certain it is made of solid gold. He whom proclaims to the world he’s nothing but a devil worshipping Satanist, made up of cynical death metal, and pot smoke.

Yet, he’s the guy who puts wrapped candy in your hand. Plies you with kisses and tried to hard to keep you out of tumbling headlong into trouble for his sake. Wanted to take you for a greasy burger and just share every silent soaked moment with you. No matter what you’re doing as long as you’re shoulder to shoulder.

He’s springing up before you can stop him. Sits you in the seat he occupied and told you firmly to ‘wait here, toots.’

Then, he’s scampering across the grocery store lot all jangly jacket and mad frizzy rocker hair bouncing as he goes. The soft pad of his feet on the doormat and the swish of the door he pushes open.

He drifts around the aisle for a few minutes before you see the top of his head bounce as he jaunts to the checkout and pay with a load of coins and a crumpled bill dug out his pocket.

He’s out the doors and whirling back to you in no time at all.

Hand on his ribs as he winced and realised that moving around all silly like he normally does would have its consequences. Ode to a bruise.

He comes over and crouched in front of you. Proudly showing you his purchases. He holds them up like he’s won an award.

bag of frozen peas and a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

“For you, my most dangerous slash badass weirdo.” He grins. Even under that black eye, and the cut limned with purple across the bridge of that nose, his brightness and joy is infectious.

He takes your hand and you smile as he settles the peas on it. Settles his hand on top of it and stays crouched. Looking up at you with literal stars in his eyes.

You’re hit with such a fierce wave of love it shocks you from the inside out. Punching into your ribs and mangling and mashing your heart and lungs together with something that burns all mean like static. Words trip off your tongue like a smudge of sugar. You feel drunk on them; fever and maddening realisation in a shockwave.

You put your hand over his. Ice cold and shifting crunch on the bag.

“Eddie, you’re free tonight right?”

“Well the beauty pageant will have to take a hike with these shiners.” He plays. Tilts his head.

“What would you say if I asked you to spend the night?” You check.

His brain seems to crunch and churn through the cogs to answer.

“The night?” His eyebrows almost swoop up and disappear into his bangs.

“Not sure your mom would be too wild about that.” He says.

“She’s in San Francisco. Short haul. Not back til Monday.”

“Oh.” Eddie nods. And then it hits him.

“O h.”

You keep eye contact and smile. “I'm game. What’s say you, Munson?”

“Holy shit. Pencils.” He wets his lips. Grinning.

~

T A G S darlings

@ceriseheaven @indouloureux @fujiihime @youaremyfamiliar @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @greenishghostey @svenyves @sammararave @feralgoblinbabe @groupie-love-71 @andromeda-andromeda @morganamoonstone @ramona-thorns @gvtosbith @munsonswhore @munsonlov3r @lunatictardis @shenevertricks1831

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#punkwrites #eddie munson #i would die for this man #joseph quinn #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie my boy #eddie x pencils #pencils x eddie ride again #eddie munson angst #angst with a happy ending #violence #tw blood #tw violence #stupid Linda and her stupid bf #stranger things 4 #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson fanfic #Eddie munson fluff #ends so fluffy ok #fluff #Spotify

[lamamasjamas]

A/n: I made angst and depression on top of the ask oops (Anon is from my side blog which has now been "deactivated")

Warnings: Dub-con smut (Reader is not in a good mental state), heavy angst, he's so sexy grandpa, short drabble, mentions of addiction/drug use as well as withdrawals, Manipulative Joel, dark fic!!

"Don't."

Tess turns at his sharp tone and eyes him. Joel glances at the whites of her eyes from his peripherals. She looks up, her pupils pointed to the sky, her tongue pressing against the side of her cheek in mock annoyance.

"Why not?"

He stares off into the distance with his shoulders tense and his arms crossed in contemplation. The QZ was always an option to him and Tess. They could come and go as they pleased, they could leave if they wanted, together, maybe even make things work between them once and for all.

"She likes you, always has," Tess mentions referring to the addict that keeps coming back to him.

They had met years ago, barely twenty-two, already asking for some drugs, any drugs that could take away the images in her head, the thoughts that kept her up at night and made her afraid of herself.

She quickly became addicted to Joel as much as the stuff that he gave her. He likes that she keeps coming back to him like a dependency. He would never admit that to anyone though.

"You like her too, so what's the big deal?"

He sniffs, shaking his head in disbelief.

"She's young, she doesn't know what she likes, what she wants-"

"She's thirty-three, Joel."

He finally turns to her and gives her a look. She sighs. Convincing Joel of anything seemed to be completely useless at this point. With age, his stubbornness only increased. Most of the time she had found the appeal to it, the fun and lust for the thick headedness of his actions.

But she's tired and frankly, with her own age, the original spark had gone dull.

"You'd rather she be with some other fuck in the QZ?"

She knew where to hit him, where his anger would rise the most. Joel was always jealous, ever since they met. When Tess had been able to get in contact with someone over the radio named Frank, he felt acid in his veins.

Good thing Frank wasn't interested in her, not in the way he originally thought.

He scowls.

"Oh c'mon Joel, you've fucked her before, haven't you? It will be fun, I'm sure she'll want to do it again."

He stays quiet, she pushes on his shoulder lightly, starting to chuckle.

"Just open your palm and she'll come running like a little‐"

"Don't‐," he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, turning back and stepping down from the small hill that overlooks the fallen jagged cityline.

"She doesn't deserve to be spoken about like that," he mumbles, as if he had more morality than her.

Tess hums, wanting nothing more than to have finished her sentence, aching to remind him of how much you were already wrapped around his finger. In some sense you really were, judging by your raspy moans and heady breaths a month ago, the last time Joel had seen you and coincidentally the night he had told you to stop seeking him out.

"Such a Gentlemen. See? You won't have to try so hard."

He gives her another look.

"We need this, then we might be able to get out of this place."

...

Withdrawals were a pain in the ass. Some moments you shake, having to hide your hand behind your back, biting your lip so hard it made you bleed, just so that officers wouldn't shoot you at the slightest twitch of a hand.

Other times you feel fine, your mind numb, cloudy but not enough to incapacitate you from your work. The worst is when your home, when you can't distract yourself with the flames and foul smell of rotting or burning flesh.

Being stationed in charge of the disposal of all of the infected bodies came with needs, and those needs could only be fulfilled by Joel Miller. The man who had left you to fend for yourself and deal with your sudden loss of drugs and supply.

You hated Joel, hated the way he made you believe he had actually cared about you. It's been a month, no pills, no nothing, only you and your thoughts.

Now you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, your body covered in sweat and itching with discomfort. There's a knock at your door, the same one he had told you would signify his arrival.

Now you were hallucinating, thinking of the damn bastard that had left you feeling sick and deprived. Your mind was numb, your body needing something, something to make your skin sing, your veins to sting with pleasure even if for just a moment.

You think of his hands and the door knocks again. Your own fingertips travel down to your breast, pinching your budding nipple through the fabric of your ssweater. You hear your name, out from his own lips and calling for you in his voice.

A shiver rolls down your spine. Your hands slip down your stomach and towards your folds, spreading your legs, imagining his head between them, kissing up your thigh, commenting on how the taste of your pussy was enough compensation for the ache of his knees and back.

The dip of your fingers wasn't enough, your brows furrow, they weren't as thick as you wanted, the way it should be.

"Open. It's me."

The door shakes with another bout of banging. You almost fall to the floor. Your eyes start to water and your heart races. For a few moments, he hears you shuffle around, cursing under your breath and ultimately breathing in deeply.

You open the door, and his eyes soften, just a little. Enough for you to see the slight guilt and especially enough for you to feel the pity he had for you.

"What do you want?"

His eyes rake over your form, you wore nothing but a tattered sweater, the one he had given you and that he found while scavenging outside the QZ.

Your voice was weak, you pull your sleeves over your fingers, bitten raw and meaty. In your mind, you had yelled at him, screamed and pushed him by the chest to show your anger, frustration and betrayal.

Your hands start to shake as he makes his way inside, his eyes giving you a once over at the blank look you had. He sits at the edge of your bed. His face was stoic, still stern. He looked as though he didn't bring himself to your apartment, as if you were making him sit his ass down to tend to his wounds like all of the other times.

"C'mere."

You don't move, your skin starts to itch, anxiety builds in your stomach. His mouth barely opened; he grits his teeth as he repeats his command.

Seeing you like this made him angry. Your eyes were sunken in, your body looking sickly and frail. You weren't taking care of yourself, and it was all his fault.

You move forward and his hands wound around your waist to help you straddle his hips. Your hands instinctively move towards the breast pockets of his flannel, he slaps them away.

"I need something."

You ignore him, now clawing at his jean pocket, looking for a little reused baggy of baby blue or white pills. He takes your wrists and holds them so tight you flinch.

"Listen to me."

He was like a snake, moving his head languidly in front of your face until you had finally given him eye contact. For a few moments you scowl, your eyes were clear in their anger.

He felt you. The real you. Then you looked down submissively, attempting to keep still against him, despite the way your body shook in tremors.

God, he ruined you. He shifts his thigh, pushing you slightly back so that you weren't as flush against his chest. Your legs split between his leg as he adjusts on your bed.

Your breath hitches when your cunt spreads against the rough denim of his jeans. He watches as you lick your lips, he feels the way you dampen the fabric underneath you.

He stares at your lips, remembering the time he made you swallow down a pill with his cum still held in your tongue. His eyes soften and his palm meets the sweaty, hot skin of your cheek.

His thumb pushes in, he can't help it. You suck automatically, expecting there to be sweet chalky dust littered on his fingertips.

"Need you to do me a favor..."

Your eyes tear up and you suck harder, your hips starting to twitch back and forth.

"Have some friends working for Robert, yeah?"

You don't respond, he already knows. You feel a pit of anger build in your lower stomach; you pull yourself away, but he keeps your hips in place.

His thigh bounces up against you and his finger pops out of your mouth to grip your chin. He looks down at you softly, his eyes trailing down to your lips before leaning down to devour them.

His hand cups the back of your neck and his thumb tilts your head up. His lips move against yours hungrily, his tongue traveling further as you moan as his other wandering hand massaging into the side of your breast.

He breaks the kiss slightly, thick spit trailing over your lips as he kneads your body and flexes his thigh. His eyes search over your face as you start to roll your hips and your eyes flutter closed.

"C'mon baby... I'll give you what you want if you just tell me."

You swallow thickly and lick your lips. His hand lowers between your legs, a knuckle brushing against your cunt and circling over your clit, glossy with your slick and pulsing in time with each grind of your hips on his thigh.

His lips trail down your neck as you nod slightly.

"Y-yeah..." you trail off, only speaking with an exhale.

Your hands reach the back of his head as he bites down on your shoulder, humming as you finally answered his question. He looks up at you from there, tilting his head up to nuzzle his nose under your chin.

He helps you shift closer to him, your eyes closing tightly and your lips pursing as you contained your moans of relief and pleasure at his touch and the sudden closeness of another body against yours.

"Heard they found a battery..."

You nod and lean down to kiss him again, a whine escaping your lips as he tilts his head to the side and you inevitably miss.

"Joel-"

"Know where it is, honey?"

The slightest flinch of your brow, the question developing in your head and showing through your eyes made him hesitate. He kisses you again and you're distracted.

Minutes later he has your pussy squelching, your neck and jaw covered in love bites and your hips bruised with his grip. Your back meets his chest as your hips work over his thigh.

His fingers were furiously swirling over your clit, his other hand holding your neck steady as he mouthed over your neck.

Your body shakes and he feels the way your cunt pulses in orgasm. A garbled moan escapes past your lips and you feel the way his chest rumbles in a chuckle.

Joel's mouth doesn't stop, his lips start to suck harshly against your skin, making it bruise tender, your skin resulting in raised bumps.

You realize, as he tightens his hands on you and shakes himself, that he missed the feeling.

"Fireflies," you mumble against his chest. Your body was laid on the covers, his laying on his side beside you. His hands caress over your neck, he nods and sighs in what you think is relief.

A couple minutes later he sits up, your eyes close and you feel the cold brush through your body again. The tremors come back and the twitch of your fingers towards him were weak.

He leaves something on the bedside table, you hear the shuffling of his jeans and a wet cloth against your swollen cunt. It almost feels as if you were on the precipice of sleep.

You feel lips on your forehead, the wetness of them leaves an uncomfortable feeling on your skin. The door opens and closes softly.

As you lay on the mattress, finding that he hadn't even left his scent behind on your pillowcases, you realize something else. You stare at the baggy full of pills, a little more packed than the usual he would give you.

He's gone and he used you one last time.

A/n: Fun fact, I was listening to Fog as a Bullet by The Marias...but I don't think anyone cares anyway :)))

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel x reader #Dark fic!!

[bakedbakermom]

dana scully x jagged little pill

empty bottles x "not the doctor" (track 11/12)

"Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom" (a lyric that took me 25 years to understand)

So many of Scully's love interests are empty bottles: men looking to her to fill their needs, to perform a role, while doing nothing to fix those things in themselves they're asking her to tend to. To Padgett she is character to be controlled and adored, so long as she never steps outside the narrative he has written in his own head about her. To Ed Jerse she is someone to hold him together when the rest of his life is falling apart. To Daniel she is a memory, a dream, an ideal that can never be met because ultimately the past can never be recreated and she will again never be the same person she was back then. To Jack she is a way to bring back the thrill of his youth, the fresh young cadet on the brink of adventure while he is mostly resigned to teaching the next generation.

Rather than see her as a whole, complete, and complex person, they reduce her to these archetypes in order to make themselves feel less empty. No wonder Mulder - who worships her in all her varied shades, and in fact begs to be let in to those parts of her that she has learned to hide and suppress - is a breath of fresh air.

(Not pictured: Sheriff Hartwell, as funny as it would have been to include him for the line "I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face at midnight," because he was really only ever a joke between them. LMK if you'd like a bonus gif of that lol.)

#also fuck you daniel only mulder gets to stroke her cheek that way!!! #txf #msr #scully x alanis #dana scully #alanis morissette #not the doctor #liwl makes a gif #txfedit #txf edit #txf gifset #txf fanart #my fanart #txf s1 #txf s4 #txf s6 #txf s7 #milagro #never again #all things #lazarus #je souhaite #hollywood a.d. #that lazarus one almost killed me holy shit who was doing lighting and color grading on set that day!? #dailytxf #Spotify

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hello! I was going to req some hc’s or like a drabble for the narrator/jack? Both SFW & NSFW if you can but if you can’t it’s fine ^^ (ur literally carrying the tag on ur back LMAO)

Jack/The Narrator x Medical Staff Male Reader

Drabble

I tried writing this from Jacks perspective.

I have to get used to calling him Jack again, since I had to call him Joe in my assignment, since that’s what hes called in the book. This is based off of the books ending, so maybe google it if you don’t know it?

I had the idea of the reader being medical staff a while ago, and id love to explore it more with both Jack and Tyler, both as the same person or as separate people. No smut, but I hope that’s still good :)

on the shorter side, but enjoy

Heaven was a slow and dull place. Cold white walls, cold white floors, cold white clothes, bland tasteless food and angels watching over you, making sure you ate every bite and checking that you took all the tasteless little tablets in tiny cups. Their eyes would bore into you as you swallowed down the little things, some even wanted to see under your tongue to make sure you had taken them all. Just follow orders, open your mouth please, life your tongue, to the right, to the left, thank you, you can close your mouth now.

The only angel that mattered in this place was… him. I could never remember his name, even though he wore a nametag like every other angel. The only thing I could remember with certainty was his eyes. Unlike the other angels and God who looked at me with badly hidden fear and disgust, he looked at me with patience and warmth, so warm. I don’t even think my mother ever looked at me with that much care.

He was the first angel I saw when I woke up, his hand holding mine, his thumb rubbing light circles over the scar on the back of my hand. Over Tylers scar. I couldn’t speak the first month or two I was here, almost blowing your face off would do that to you, but he was always patient to me, waiting between his questions like I somehow had the ability to answer.

Even when I felt so empty and hollowed out, he would show up, turn me over and wipe me down, because I had become so invalid, I couldn’t even wash myself. Even the space monkeys that wandered the halls as cleaners or whatever else seemed to like him. My angel. My guardian angel.

Hes poor you know, he does this because he loves us low lives. His dad offed himself in front of him when he was a kid, his mom overdosed in the bathtub when he was a teen. His aunt that took him in beat him. Hes just as lowly as us, but he’s so kind, even us space monkeys, he always takes care of us Sir, you’ll love him Sir.

Sir.

Sir.

Sir.

That’s all they call me, waiting with bated breath for him to return. For their messiah, for their God Tyler Durden to return. But all that was left was me, a loose-limbed scarecrow of a person, all jagged edges, and shadowed eyes. My angel always made sure I took the pills, I didn’t even care if he made me swallow cyanide, poison or some other drug that would leave me braindead. As long as he caressed my scarred cheek with those warm careful fingers afterwards, and spoke to me in that soft voice.

He must have noticed how I preened under his praise, because my angel kept praising me from then on. Soon thoughts of Project Mayhem and Space Monkeys and Marla meant nothing. As long as my angel was there to hold me when I wailed and seized through the different treatments, nothing mattered.

My angel made my insides twist and warm in ways neither Marla nor Tyler had ever made them twist. The medication God made me take made it so I couldn’t get hard, but I swear if I could, just thinking about my angel’s lips would have left me rock solid.

I wanted him to stay with me, but apparently that wasn’t advisable. He had other souls to check on, others to shine his light upon. But I never wanted him to go. He always caressed my hair before leaving, telling me to be good before he returned, and so I was. The time without him blurred together into a mess with no meaning.

Simply waiting for my angel to return again.

#male reader #fight club #the narrator #fight club jack #tyler durden #fight club imagine #fight club headcanon #fight club x male reader #fight club x reader #the narrator imagine #the narrator headcanon #the narrator x male reader #the narrator x reader #fight club jack imagine #fight club jack headcanon #fight club jack x male reader #fight club jack x reader #fight club joe #tyler durden imagine #tyler durden headcanon #tyler durden x male reader #tyler durden x reader #tw for mention of self harm #like shooting yourself in the face kinda self harm #i like jack as a lil pathetic and obsessive #its the spice of life

[carlgrimesloverr]

sk8ergirl

aaron hotchner x fem!super star!reader

summary : when aaron and haley were young, they were on and off. during one off the ‘offs’ aaron met her. 10 years later, she’s famous, and he’s stuck unhappy in a marriage that was more out of convenience then love.

takes place during : season 1

warnings :  some of the songs / bands i bring up don’t exactly… exist in 2005, but i love them, i love hotch, and i love angst so it’s ok. 

word count : 931

“spence please come with me to this concert” jj pleaded with the brunette, who just shrugged.

“i’ve never heard of the artist- plus gideon and i are going to have a chess match soon. just invite elle, i’m sure she will go with you.” he responded, eyes not leaving the chess board in front of him.

“elle’s busy this weekend, so is morgan! i don’t want to have to ask hotch, not while haley is pregnant!” the blonde whined.

“ask hotch what?” aaron asked, appearing in the bullpen out from his office, staring down at jj with the same expression as always.

“oh! sir- hi, uh, i just have tickets to a concert this weekend but no one to go with..”

“what artist? it may be one haley likes if you’d like to go with her.”

“(y/n)! she’s actually from the same area you are maybe you kn-“

hotch froze. ignoring everything else jj said he quickly left to go to his office.

it didn’t take a fool to put the pieces together, and the question rang out in his head. were you a musician now? you followed your dreams after moving away.. you really did it.

he wanted to know more, he needed to know more. but he couldn’t call in penelope to learn more, if he asked penelope then he ran the risk of the team knowing.

despite jj’s mockery, hotch did know how to work a computer, and how to search up things online. as hotch researched you now, he realised you had an album named after him. well, maybe not him exactly, but ‘AHH.’ seemed a bit too close to the “aaron ‘hotch’ hotchner” you used to date.

scrolling through the list of 20 songs, he noticed it was a breakup album, full of hate and feelings of betrayal.

looking at the first song, hotch was shocked. “‘circles ft. pierce the veil’?” he asked out loud. pierce was a big band, he knew that much. he had heard jj talking of them to derek before. the lyrics felt more like a love song, yet hotch could read into the tone, how you always reffered to you and him as ‘running’, trying to escape something. escape haley.

the next track, ‘girlfriend ft. avril lavigne’. hotch didn’t even have to look at the lyrics to know what it was about- it was a diss to haley. once again, you were angry. you had every right to be angry, though hotch couldn’t even begin to understand why you blamed haley. hotch was the one who left you, haley never forced him. he was the bad guy, not haley.

as he kept reading the tracks, he realised more and more how he had hurt you. songs featuring eminem, paramore, my chemical romance, weezer, alanis morissette, the used, the offspring, and fall out boy. alanis morissette. you used to rave about her album ‘jagged little pill’ to him when you were laying in his bed, bodies as close as could be.

the main track, ‘sk8ergirl’, was what really did it for him. what story were you telling? you were happy with someone else? or was it from the point of view of 17 year old you? a boy and a girl, extremely obvious about how they were in love but never ended up together. the boy was a bitch, basically. and so the girl went on and fell in love with a rockstar. were you calling aaron a bitch, and boosting your own ego like that? or was it a swapped gender roles, to make it less obvious? aaron couldn’t tell.

no matter what the song was written about, aaron had hurt you. and you took it out in the only way you knew how; music. aaron joined theatre to gain haleys attention, you wrote songs about him to let off some steam; maybe even gain his attention. but no matter how much steam you let off, aaron was still with haley, and you were still alone, with that red and black fender squire stratocaster you had so proudly shown hotch when you were seniors, the one you put together yourself. the red grain pickguard was your favourite feature of the whole guitar, hotch remembering so clearly how you ranted on and on.

‘no no- most strats are one basic colour for this area here, the pickguard. this is a grain! it has a cool pattern!’ you had told him, smiling widely as you pointed out the features on your guitar. ‘i want to get a bass that’s the exact opposite! red grain body, black pickguard. wouldn’t that be so cool? you should learn bass, then we could play together! i’m writing up this song right now, think i’m gonna call it “i’m with you”, the bass part is pretty simple!’

‘i’m with you’. fourth track. a love song. you had kept it in the album? you had published a song so clearly written about aaron? he could still remember you softly humming the melody, still not fully having worked out the lyrics. it was about being alone - something like standing on a bridge, no one looking for you - when someone comes to your rescue and saves you from that darkness.

“you still released it, even though you’re alone.” hotch hummed to himself, continuing to search you up.

single.

never married.

no kids.

doesn’t party much.

still went out skating constantly.

said in an interview you were ‘still caught in the whirlwind romance of high school’.

caught in the ‘betrayal of it all’.

you really were the sk8ergirl, weren’t you?

#fanfic #fanfiction #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch fluff #hotchner x reader #hotch #i love hotch #aaron hotchner is my husband #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fluff #criminal minds #derek morgan #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #x reader

[bonebabbles]

Jagged Peak sucks too

And I'll say it actually. Gray Wing's anger is completely fucking justified. This has nothing to do with Jagged Peak's disability, this is because he's completely irresponsible with the well being of children

This isn't the first time he lost track of the kittens when he was in charge of them, either. Last time this happened they had to mount a rescue mission.

We see Sparrow Fur get painted a lovely shade of red in her own blood because she ran off on her Father Quest, mauled by One Eye in her goal to reconnect to her mother's domestic abuser, while Gray Wing trusted his brother with ONE JOB to make sure they didn't do something ridiculous

Gray doesn't know that Sparrow looks like a Children's Hospital right now, but he does know she's missing. And he learns where she is from OWL EYES

JAGGED PEAK SAID IT WAS OKAY

FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD

TO RUN INTO THE FOREST

TOWARDS A GROUP THAT IS HARBORING A WIFEBEATER

AND DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE THE ONE TO TELL GRAY WING THAT HIS ADOPTED DAUGHTER IS NOT IN CAMP

It gets worse. Gray Wing calls him over FURIOUS and Jagged Peak plays stupid

"IS THERE A PROBLEM THAT I LET YOUR CHILD GO LOOKING FOR HER ABUSIVE BIODAD IN THE WOODS, UNACCOMPANIED?"

Jagged Peak started to look uncomfortable :(((((((((( "im sowwy i thought it would be okey :( after all the wifebeater is HER FATHER, gray wing, guy who was mates with turtle tail and is the only paternal figure the kittens have ever known. i thought you wouldnt be a little bitch about it because she's big enough that a fox could eat her in two bites instead of one."

THESE KITTENS WERE BORN IN SUMMER. IT IS CURRENTLY AUTUMN. THEY ARE, AT MOST, 6 MONTHS OLD. That is assuming that they were born at the start of summer and this is the end of autumn.

Most likely scenario is that we are looking at 4-month-old kittens, and Jagged Peak said it was FINE for Sparrow Fur to run off on her own into the Oh So Dangerous Woods

How many stupid pills is a lethal dose?

You do not, under ANY circumstances, "GOTTA ADMIT HE WAS RIGHT"

EVERY time I believe that this arc has scraped the BOTTOM of the barrel, I hear the sickening crackle of wood and peak over the rim to watch them scooping out splinters.

"all three of them wanted to train with the man who got their mom killed, gray wing. so i let your 10 year old run off into the woods. 10 is old enough to make their own choices gray wing. come on man. c'maaaaan"

Then he starts gushing about how HE is going to be a dad, because that's just fucking GREAT, Jagged Peak. You've really proven how responsible you are and how much you can totally be trusted with children.

RE: This has NOTHING to do with Jagged Peak's disability. None of that is a factor into LETTING CHILDREN RUN OFF INTO THE WILDERNESS UNSUPERVISED

But then The News reaches the Moor cats. Sparrow Fur has been mauled and she is hanging on for dear life. What a turn of events!! No one could have seen this coming!!!!!! Gray Wing rips into Jagged Peak.

All THREE of you suck. NONE of you are okay people. You are all BLIGHTS on my eyeballs and I wish all three of you fell into a meat grinder at the end of this series

Gray Wing downplaying Clear Sky's role in everyone's pain and torment. AGAIN

Clear Sky "ohhh I feel dreadful :(" good. die.

Jagged Peak: "im sorry b-b-b-b-b-BUT your daughter was INSISTENT, so, you have to forgive me for letting her run into the woods alone--"

Before you go ahead, go on back up. Read that again. Sparrow Fur was put in danger because of Jagged Peak's STUPID choice, and he can't even FULLY take responsibility for it. "I AM sorry, I should have checked with you................................ BUT."

Always, ALWAYS in this series, a character who is angry is treated as JUST AS BAD as the person who hurt them and mustered up a shitty apology.

You expect me to take Gray Wing FINALLY expressing anger towards the shitty people in his life as a bad thing?? You think I'm supposed to see this as an expression of ableism???? TWICE now Jagged Peak has let children wander off, they have been KIDNAPPED in the past, and now Gray Wing is faced with losing ANOTHER family member. All because of Jagged Peak being an irresponsible manbaby who couldn't say no to an "insistent" child

His leg had NOTHING to do with this. Jagged Peak is the same reckless kid that charged out of the mountains and forced Gray Wing to follow him to prevent him from becoming eagle food, not thinking about anyone else besides himself, but this time he isn't a kid anymore. He's an expectant father.

Fuck, I'll bet you that it's why he let Sparrow Fur run off into the woods alone in the first place. "I did it and turned out fine!" When he's always had GRAY WING behind him to save his ass

Is this harsh? Yes.

Is it deserved? ALSO YES. Jagged Peak should take this shit to heart and THINK about what it means to be a parent before his children come into the world and have to deal with having HIM for a father

TEA.

A BOSTON HARBOR FULL OF TEA

I hate that the only time this arc ever lets Gray Wing fucking unload onto someone, it has to go and try to make it a big shameful thing that he's NOT being a total doormat. He's RIGHT.

Jagged Peak needs his wife to jump in and stand up for him because he can't face the fact that his stupid, careless decision put Sparrow Fur in danger and his brother, NOTORIOUSLY A PUSHOVER, is rightfully losing his shit with him

Jagged Peak, I hope it felt just as good to smack your brother as it did to call Bumble a fat slob before you stood by and watched her get dragged back to her domestic abuser. The same one you let a kitten run to. I hope your paw falls off.

But before it does, I hope you learn to take responsibility for your actions. Loser ass.

And before someone tries to clown at me about "Oh but Gray Wing was legitimately ableist to Jagged Peak in the past so actually it's not okay that he's yelling at him even though he's totally right!" Do you mean the time he prevented him from running towards a forest fire, the same one that also permanently disabled and ends up killing Gray Wing himself via complications, that everyone could only barely escape from with a lot of jumping? Or do you mean when he told him to defend the camp instead of joining in on the First Battle Murder Party, when Clear Sky was indiscriminately slaughtering people?

Or do you mean when Clear Sky was insulting him in public by calling him useless and Gray Wing was out here trying to insist that he IS useful? Which is its OWN bucket of problematic worms, but no, NEVER in a way that was meant to insult Jagged Peak for his ability or lack thereof.

This is completely new. He has NEVER snapped at Jagged Peak like this.

In fact I even point out in the link above that Jagged Peak shouldn't have to "justify" his existence. His life has value (even though he treated Bumble like hers didn't). That doesn't mean he can't face criticism for what he just allowed to happen to Gray Wing's adopted child. That doesn't mean he'll make a good dad if he doesn't smarten up. That doesn't mean Gray Wing shouldn't be fucking pissed at him.

Shove off, Holly. Shove off, get lost, play in traffic, suck an egg. You should take out your pain on the person who is responsible for sending a child to an unsafe camp with her mother's abuser where she got mauled, actually. That's completely fucking reasonable.

Holly x Jagged Peak FOREVER. HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND. YOU CERTAINLY DESERVE EACH OTHER, IF NOTHING ELSE

Disclaimer: This is not a Gray Wing defense post. All three brothers are terrible. Clear Sky remains the absolute worst. Jagged Peak is the "least" bad but he's still fucking awful.

#this arc is going to give me an aneurysm #How do you have three children and all of them come out with their own unique flavor of awful #NIGHTMARE blunt rotation #tw ableism #tw child abuse