#this is the first time i feel like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr was acquired by Yahoo for $1.1B in 2013.

#this is the first time i feel like this

thomine · 1 month

Text

at least it's something | thoma

RELATIONSHIP | thoma x reader

TAGS | teen and up audience, mental health, reader is not vegetarian or vegan, reader serves the kamisato estate, thoma feeds reader (lol), food/eating, npc oc mentioned (minor role), thoma has a small fanclub ig, not proofread

SUMMARY | after a period of living on numbness and melancholy, food just doesn't taste the same. perhaps, someone can help with that.

WORD COUNT | 1.6k words

INFO | more

Your stomach growls and rumbles as you sit quietly at the now empty dining hall of the Kamisato Estate. Lunch was two hours ago, but your soup, plate of poultry with eggs on the side and bowl of rice remain untouched. They look lifeless; pale and grey. You grab onto your utensils, tired of sitting still, and take a bite of each item in front of you. The chicken is still rich in flavour. As you drag the bowl of soup to your mouth, its fragrance hits your nose. The egg, albeit cold, is soft, teeth ripping through its layers like a knife.

The chefs at the Kamisato Estate have cooked a timelessly delicious meal, yet these bursting senses do not reach your brain, and you sigh. Instead of a meal to chow down in delirious gratitude, before you is a reminder of your worse fear.

You are slowly loosing control of the one thing you can control: yourself.

You thought of giving the chefs your unwanted portion, but they’re busy preparing dinner, and seeing their delicious meals unappreciated would discourage them, sprinkling a tad of bitterness into everyone’s food. The last thing you want is your symptoms to spread, so you force yourself to take another bite, except the food runs down your throat wrong in your haste. You never thought it is possible to harbour negative feelings towards a dead animal, its cooked babies, and flavoured soup, but you surprise yourself again.

“There you are!” a voice calls from the entrance of the hall. Thoma walks to your side, taking a spot in the empty seat to your left. “The seniors said they last saw you here. I’m glad I found you.” His eyes glean over your full plates, and his smile weakens with a tinge of sadness. You slink into your chair, guilty, and attempt another bite to cover your struggle with eating.

“You don’t have to put a front for me,” Thoma chides gently, although his unwavering green eyes also encourage you to finish the task you assigned to yourself. When you chew and eventually swallow, his expression softens. “How are you feeling?”

“Horrible,” you confess like a sinner. “Mostly because I want to feel fine, but I don’t, and that only makes it worse.” You place your utensils down.

Lunch was your favourite time of the day, but now you purposefully occupy yourself with menial tasks so you can enter the hall late. It doesn’t help that for the past few days, you were lethargic and unproductive, sleeping late and waking up later, having your colleagues with growing concerns cover your tasks for the day.

Knowing they willingly took it upon themselves to load their shoulders with your weight makes your stomach heavy, but no matter how much you try to lift your head and look at your work with intrepid enthusiasm as you did before, you can’t will that part of you to appear. Something killed it, and the blood splatters are everywhere—from your untouched meals to your desire to stay in bed all day, and the iron taste in your mouth when you hold back your tears at night.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me," you mumble, ashamed.

Thoma doesn't give you a window to observe his reaction. He stands and stretches.

“I was looking for you to have someone do stretching with. It gets boring doing it alone.” He holds out his hand to you. “Want to do it with me? It’ll be something simple, not too taxing.”

As you’re about to accept his offer, your stomach rumbles in defiance. It softly echoes in the hall, and the missing warmth of your food bursts on your face. “Sorry,” you say out of instinct.

Throwing his head back, Thoma laughs. He sits back down and properly examines your half-bitten food.

“Stretching can wait. Let’s get your stomach filled with something first, and I’ll eat whatever you can’t finish.”

“Are you sure?” you ask, unsure why you did. It’s not like sharing food is uncommon among the workers in the estate. “It’s cold. Still delicious, I guess, but it’s not as nice to eat when it’s warm. And, thinking about it, we shouldn’t be stretching immediately after a meal, so you should go without me.”

“Then we don’t have to do stretching. Let’s do something else.”

“Oh no, you shouldn’t change your schedule because of me. I can help you find someone else to do stretches with. It's really important and you shouldn’t skip them.”

“If it's so important, when was the last time you stretched?” He leans his head into his palm propped by its elbow on the tablet, the tilt of his head giving his smile the illusion of a smirk.

You can’t reply. Maintaining the estate is your utmost priority. You have no memory of loitering the courtyards, enjoying the setting sun while bending and twisting your body in a torturously relaxing activity. All you remember is filling every inch of time with a metre of responsibilities.

“Then,” you say a minute after your silent answer, “can you eat my lunch? I don’t think I’m hungry.” You push your plates and utensils towards him. Shocked or confused or both, he looks at it then looks at you. His smile blends mischief and genuinity, casting a mild giddy spell on you.

“Do you want me to feed you?”

“No?” you sputter. The fact your reply sounds like a question than a statement drags embarrassment from the depths of your soul to your face as heat, and it’s the most you’ve felt other than dread and fear the whole week. “Why would you—What if someone walks into the hall? There’ll be so many unwanted rumours.”

You want to swat at his arm but you’re paralyzed with the situations your brain conjures. If the seniors saw this, they will undoubtedly rebuke you for your childishness. They may even lecture you on your immaturity of not segregating professional and interpersonal time—a total misunderstanding!

Thoma chuckles.

“The rumours are the least of my concerns.” He picks up a spoon and scoops a small portion of rice. “Say ‘ah’, or else I’ll have to play windglider.”

“I’m not a kid!” you resist, this time swatting him with the sudden burst of energy you’ve acquired in your daze of doom dreaming. You aren't going to let your colleagues see you like this when you’re already at your all time low. They were generous to keep their heads low and not criticise your personal failings at work. To catch you playing around with the housekeeper? None of them would be pleased, especially those that might be drawn by his charm because he is very charming. “I thought you’ll eat my leftovers?”

“The remaining after you’ve eaten a bit more,” he corrected, and on cue, a low growl from your stomach squeezes its way into the ambience. “Your stomach obviously doesn’t think it’s full.”

You’re a walking heated pan with how hot your body feels, evaporating every drop of sadness you permitted to flood you the past days, and your defences weaken in embarrassment because when Thoma brings the spoon close to your mouth, you take a bite.

“I’m never going to get over this,” you lament, covering your face with your hands. “I should have just endured the scoldings of the chefs.”

“I heard Chef Tang is not in a good mood today. Something about salt being wasted after an improper delivery.”

“Chef Tang will end up screaming his head off and I’ll be quivering even worse than a bird in its last moments before its cultivator, but at least I don’t often bump into him. Maybe in my effort to avoid him I’ll always finish my meals on time so I never have to personally hand him my dishes for washing.”

“I hope you don’t avoid me after this,” Thoma says, and it’s the softest he’s been since the start. “But, you also wouldn’t want to be facing Chef Tang’s wrath when he’s out of salt. I’m saving you from the worst that can happen.” Thoma holds a spoon with a larger mix of rice, egg and small chunks of meat that he crafted while you ranted. He’s grinning uncontrollably, as if he won the lottery to make fun of you. “Say ‘ah’ again?”

You reluctantly open your mouth.

“Okay, I can feed myself now,” you say, reaching for the spoon. Thoma teasingly doesn’t let go, but on your second tug, he gives it to you properly.

“And not only that, you’ve got some liveliness to your face now. That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he notes.

You stare at the food, its saturation slowly draining back.

Seeing about a third of your food disappear is slightly encouraging, and it is refreshing to feel something other than sharp emptiness. You notice your hands shake as you hold back a sliver of laughter combined with unreleased anguish. Your heart thumps erratically in your chest, demanding to be acknowledged. You can sense the way your chest expands and collides with each breath.

Tears prick the corner of your eyes, and you live through every second your vision goes blurry as well as the way your nose clogs up with snot.

“At least it’s something,” you meekly reply, overwhelmed by these small sensory experiences.

“At least it’s something,” Thoma echoes, watching patiently as you take periodic bites of your lunch while wiping your tears with your free hand. He places his on your head and rustles your hair, grip gentle and reassuring. “That’s all that matters, isn’t it?"

#genshin x reader #thoma x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin impact x you #genshin reader insert #genshin impact x y/n #genshin impact x reader #reader insert #x reader #thoma x you #thoma x y/n #ok so like. i would never let anyone baby feed me. Ever. my pride is too big for that #so kudos to reader for letting down their pride bc i could never #they did it for the story. pls make their sacrifice not in vain </3 #either way yeah. i feel much better having written this. small steps #slo.w #but like… update… it’s been 4 hours and i haven’t finished my lunch #this is the first time i feel like this

57 notes · View notes

mumblesplash · 4 months

Text

i know it’s like years old at this point but i love that one collab mumbo and grian did with tommyinnit bc it’s like the single most concentrated example i’ve seen of mumbo’s Chaos Nullification Powers

you get to see a bit of it on hermitcraft, mostly via his interactions with grian, but until seeing that collab it didn’t really hit me just how completely mumbo can no-sell other people’s attempts to control a situation. tommyinnit is possibly the single shoutiest, most chaotic minecraft youtuber out there, and in most videos i’ve seen he pretty much overwhelms everyone else and sets the tone for interactions because of this. but mumbo just. doesn’t let him. no matter how much tommy escalates in intensity, mumbo reacts with *exactly* the same energy he always does. grian largely comes across in the whole video as annoyed and reluctant to engage with the whole thing, but mumbo’s not even affected. he just rolls with anything he finds funny and basically ignores anything he disapproves of, only seeming more and more unflappable the harder anyone tries to get a rise out of him.

AND imo, this is the key to my favorite interpretation of him as a character

see, when the people around him are being more reasonable/calm, i think mumbo often comes across as anxious and a bit easily overwhelmed. the thing is, his nervous wet cat vibes do not scale. he has one setting. his responses to the last life ‘ah-ha!’ jokes and to hermitcraft 8 starting to crumble to pieces under a falling moon are almost identical.

mumbo jumbo is inexorably and eternally Just Some Guy, but that gets stranger and stranger the weirder his surroundings become. the giggly incredulousness that makes him an easy target for goofy puns looks Very different when it’s also his reaction to the impending end of the world.

#anyway yeah i have this whole idea in my head about mumbo’s friendship with grian from a characterization standpoint #bc i agree with the somewhat? common consensus that being friends with mumbo has made grian softer and friendlier over time #but i don’t think it was in a ‘reflecting back the kindness he’s being shown’ way #i think it’s because the more harsh and chaotic you try to be towards mumbo the more you feel ineffectual and out of control #and grian can’t handle it so he slowly becomes nicer until he feels like they’re on equal footing again #like don’t get me wrong i think they genuinely are good friends #and i don’t think this is necessarily something mumbo is doing on purpose #but i think the power dynamic going on under the surface is much more bizarre and weighted in mumbo’s favor than it seems at first glance #mumbling

8K notes · View notes

toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account · 7 months

Text

"we want more protagonists making flawed decisions!!" no the fuck you don't you guys can't even handle aziraphale without convincing yourselves he was drugged

#i feel like the first time i saw the c*ffee th**ry was on tiktok which. yknow what? makes sense #mine #good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale

9K notes · View notes

ashfdhfgdsfk · 1 year

Text

which movies have you watched the most amount of times? they dont have to be your actual favorite movies, just the ones youve rewatched most. for example: mine are the final destination movies and scream

#mutuals especially i really want to know #a) because movie rec but b) because i feel like it says a lot about you as a person JSDHGFHJ #but fr i fuckign Love the final destination movies they are so much fun #and i used to play the first scream every time i cleaned my house lol i dont know why #txt #if no one reblogs this ill cry talk to me Boy

17K notes · View notes

stil-lindigo · 2 months

Text

HELP PALESTINIAN ARCHITECT EVACUATE HER FAMILY FROM GAZA

This is a verified fundraiser for a family of four to evacuate to Cairo. The fund's creator, Amal Abu Shammala, reached out to me personally to share this since she's failed to get her fund on Operation Olive Branch and Let's Talk Palestine's fundraising linktree.

As of right now, she has raised €2,397/ €42,000. You can see the breakdown of what the money will be used for in the fund description.

Please give generously!

#ive talked to amal myself and can vouch for her #she was so understanding about me having to verify her story first #its so bullshit how people have used the tragedy of a genocide to masquerade as palestinians in need #perhaps its selfish for me to personally advocate for only a few families in need when so many people require help #but i feel like the way i stay sane is to just. focus on one family at a time #im gonna try to do another fundraising event (?) soon idk how successful it'll be #i just dont have enough money man #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #donations #gaza #rafah #khan younis

4K notes · View notes

anotherpapercut · 1 year

Text

just had an absolutely sickening conversation with a 20 year old I work with wherein I had to impress upon her that her and her friends need to be extremely cautious going to the gay clubs right now with increasing attacks happening. make sure any very young, very newly adult queer people in your life know that we're a family and community and part of that is being willing to fight for your siblings lives if they're under attack. even if it's a person you despise, you stick up for your family and they will stick up for you. we are all we have. the cops refuse to help, and so do most people outside the community. we cannot survive without each other

#go in groups! leave before closing! bring something that can be thrown at someone! park close!#heart breaking #i dont wanna talk to the 18 year olds coming for the first time excited to have fun about how they have to be on guard at all times #i want kids who are just blossoming into the adults theyre going to be to have a safe place to feel loved and nurtured #im only 23 for christs sake #why am I having to talk to a 20 year old like im their 60 year old grandparent #i just want to feel safe with my community in what is essentially the family home

24K notes · View notes

wu-does-art · 2 months

Text

thinking about Nico adjusting to letting himself miss and long for the people he loves. based on these bits from the sun and the star:

" As Nico and Will followed the trogs, he thought about how much he missed Hazel. He was learning to make peace with that feeling. It was okay for him to miss people because that meant he wanted them around in his life. That idea was *very* new for him- he was used to either pushing people away or watching them recoil from his presence." *

" That was the most surreal thing of all... Was he happy? Nico wasn't very familiar with the sensation, but he couldn't deny that he felt wonderful in Will's presence. He even longed for the son of Apollo when they were apart. A funny thing had happened as the two grew closer: Nico suddenly understood all those cheesy, sappy love songs he'd always hated."