#this was supposed to be a stupid doodle what happened

[wingsofahoneybee]

fantasy costco is a front for garfield's true passion: illegal cloning

#this was supposed to be a stupid doodle what happened #taz balance #taz #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #garfield the deals warlock #my art #bee draws #oh fun this blew up massively anyway go check out my other art or ill cry pls ily thanks

[shesahershey]

I'm working on art

Have bald Markiplier for the meantime

#hersh talks #i really am working on stuff!! i promise!!! #ill probably post stupid doodles until the good stuff gets done #also this wasnt supposed to end up like this #i dont know what happened.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 17

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 31K

warnings: cursing, drinking, heavy angst, mutual pining, sexual tension, kissing, mature language, making out, jealousy, references to injuries, unrequited love, fighting, arguments and confrontations, hyunjin is mean, mentions of weed, post-breakup behaviour, passing mention of threats, a guy makes yn feel physically uncomfortable

a/n: most of this chapter contains heavy angst, yn is thinking about hyunjin 90% of the time, and it's a very different pacing from usual, but i enjoyed writing this a lot :) i hope you love it too! please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The romantic movies you’d watched growing up always skipped over the hard parts. 

The break-ups in them were just a short montage set to the soundtrack of a sad song. The main female character would have given up all hope, drowning her feelings in ice-cream and wine, and just when she hit rock bottom... somehow the boy would find a way back to her. The audience would cheer even though it was so predictable, and the credits would roll. All the sadness would be overshadowed by a firework-worthy reunion kiss, and a stupid Happily Ever After. 

If only your life right now could pass by like a montage. If only you could hit fast-forward, and skip to the day you feel better. 

You were never much into Greek mythology, but you had read Percy Jackson in middle school, and the myth of Sisyphus always stuck to you. He was condemned to roll a rock up a mountain for eternity, but the rock would roll back down to the bottom every single time. It was a cruel punishment because he could never achieve his goal. 

Forgetting Hyunjin was a Sisyphean task. It was futile, in every way. On most days, it almost felt impossible. You could always try, and push yourself really hard, but he would always be there at the bottom of the canyon. Homereminded you of him, of all the good times there — bumping into him at Aera’s, plunging into freezing water with him at the creek, kissing him in the meadow of the fireflies, sloppy and wet but enchanting. And so did this city. The lights of the skyscrapers, the culture, the fashion, they all screamed his name. It didn’t help that his pictures were plastered all over every big billboard, every bus stop shelter, each subway station. Perhaps to forget him, you’d have to run away to a remote cabin, somewhere in Europe, where you could paint your life away and never look back. Yet wouldn’t that be useless too? Everything beautiful in your life would be forever linked to him.

“What are you thinking of so deeply, Y/N?” A voice pulled you out of your sad tangent. You’d been sketching in your notebook, mindlessly doodling, drawing circles and squares. 

Jeonghan was slumped in the chair opposite yours, his own sketchbook balanced on his knees, but he hadn’t drawn for an hour now. He was too busy listening to a podcast on those big headphones he never let go of. Minnie was supposed to join you today, but she was running late from a date with Jamie, so for now it was just you and him. There was so much noise around you, a constant buzz and chatter of people in the coffee shop, so you raised your voice to be heard, “I’m thinking of…how romance movies are all bullshit”

His eyebrows shot up, and he sat up straighter, clearly not expecting that. You suppose it was a bit random, “I’m sorry?”

Now that you’d brought it up, you had to explain it, and you struggled to find the words, “They’re all such cookie-cutter depictions of romance. The same formula every time. You don’t think so?”

His eyes narrowed, suspiciously, “Well, who broke your heart?”

You shut your sketchbook with a snap, “Nobody. I’m just talking”

“Clearly you think I’m stupider than I actually am” He pulled a hand up, and started counting on his fingers, “You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you’re only painting of blue and depressing things, you…didn’t even laugh at a single joke of mine in class today”

“Maybe because they aren’t funny”

“And you now think romantic movies suck. That’s the telltale signs of a breakup”

“I’ve always thought they suck… That doesn’t mean anything”

“Okay” He laughed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, “How about the fact that you all but ran out of Pegasus and went white as a ghost when you saw that guy in the elevator?”

You stilled, staring at him. It’s been days since that incident, but he’s never brought it up till now. You had never given him a chance to. You realised you’re an expert in deflecting when it comes to matters of Hyunijn. You pulled at the spiral binding of your notebook, “He was just an old friend”

“You reacted way more than someone would…to an old friend. I’m not going to judge you, you know that? I’m from fucking LA. If I started judging people, I’m afraid I’d never stop”

You sighed, looking down at the coffee table, “He’s just someone I wasn’t expecting to see. It brought up old memories, shit I’d like to forget now. Let’s…talk about something else, please”

He released a breath, looking around, “Fine. I think I’m gonna get another cup of coffee. You want one?”

“No, I’m good. Coffee keeps me up at night”

Jeonghan stood up, lanky frame hovering over you, lips pressed into a thin line, “Don’t blame coffee for that”

With that, he walked off to the counter, and you stared at the empty chair. You’re trying hard not to think of that evening, after you walked out of the storage closet, out of the Pegasus building and straight home. You had felt a new kind of pathetic… and to make it worse, your apartment keys had refused to cooperate. It’s because you were shaking the whole way home. You’d dropped them on the landing multiple times as you made your way upstairs, the shrill sound the only thing snapping you out of your daze. Even your hands had shook as you tried to get into your apartment.

You’d crawled into your mattress, and you’d cried yourself to sleep. Your pillow had muffled the sounds and it wasn’t even satisfyin. Your tears felt empty and forced. The numbness…was real. What were you even crying for? Hyunjin had made it crystal clear since day one that nothing could happen between you, so you shouldn’t have expected him to suddenly change his mind. 

“I got you a cupcake” Jeonghan sat back down, a red velvet cupcake in his hand, a Cafe Mocha in the other.

It just hurt that he’d given up on the two of you, before you even had a chance to try. It was…a horrible memory, and your chest hurt at it. “I don’t want it, sorry”

“Suit yourself” He shrugged, peeling back the paper wrapping so he could take a bite out of it. The white frosting smeared on his nose, and he smiled at you. He’s a good friend, but you’ve been nothing but miserable the past few weeks. It’s bad for you because this is not the time for drama. You’re working on real stuff now in art class. You’re past introductions, and over the bunny hill. You have an actual assignment, and that’s the reason you’re here in this cafe, trying to brainstorm ideas for it. This artwork matters more to you than anything else lately, because it feels like a last plea for happiness. If your professor actually likes it, then you won’t feel so useless anymore. Time lately feels like it’s slipping through your fingers, wasting away, precious days blurring together into sadness and nostalgia. You used to count the seconds until you could live this life, but what you’re feeling right now…that’s not living.

How can you be creative right now, when all you hold inside you is bitterness? All this time, you’d held on to some minuscule hope, that one day things between you and Hyunjin would be all right. That maybe one day he would give into what he felt, and you could actually be together. It was almost …like a given. How could he kiss you like that…and not want it for the rest of his life? A part of you had imagined it all — the future you could have had with him, the relationship you could lead with somebody who knew every bit of you.

You’d been surrounded by good people your whole life, but the impact Hyunjin left on you was incomparable. His thoughts, the way his brain worked things out, the kindness with which he approached life — you couldn’t hope to find that in anybody now. It was special to only him, and more than anything, you couldn’t forget that. You couldn’t forget the beautiful things he kept hidden in his mind, in his heart. The first few weeks you’d known him…it became obvious what he would mean to you. In the silliest of ways, he even finished your sentences…How could somebody be so perfectly built for you, but not be meant for you at all? 

Maybe the romance books were to blame for making you believe there was someone perfect for you at all. Soulmates were an urban legend, and a red string of fate didn’t exist. But then why did everything pull you together all this while? It couldn’t have been…for nothing.

Were you the one to blame for imagining an actual future with him? You’d never even had the honor of calling him your boyfriend, how could you hope for anything more?

The logical step was…to move on. So that’s why you’re here, painting in the new coffee shop, and hoping it will help. Jeonghan helps, kind of. He’s funny, and he’s got a large personality and an even bigger sense of humour, and you wonder how he fits it all in his lanky frame. He’s a perfect student and on top of that, he’s helpful. He’s always sharing his supplies with you in class, and he’s genuinely so amusing, if not mildly annoying sometimes, but with Minho and Felix you’d gotten used to it. He was humming now to a song you don’t recognise, his music taste is very different from yours, and he suddenly asked, “Why do you think I moved back to Korea?”

Your brows furrowed, and you randomly guessed, “I don’t know…An American girl broke your heart?”

“Bingo” He bit into the cupcake, crumbs falling onto his button-up, and on his ripped jeans, “She kissed my friend at a party. Right in front of me”

You’re surprised to hear that, and even more so that he’s openly telling you. Maybe talking freely about the past is moving on. So you told him, in solidarity, “My best friend dated the boy I like”

His eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward, pausing the music on his phone to give you his whole attention, “Did she know you liked him?”

“No…not really”

“Then you can’t really blame her I guess” 

“I don’t”

“So you blame yourself? For liking him?”

“Nothing I do could have made me stop”

He tilt his head, “Is that so?”

You chewed on your lip, “I liked him for a long time before my friend met him”

“Then why didn’t you ask him out?”

“I didn’t know his name at the…time”

His eyes widened, a smile forming, “Oh…now I’m really, really curious”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past now”

Jeonghan sighed, “You know, this is a record”

You reached for his cupcake, and bit into it, it was too sweet and you hated red velvet but you wanted to feel something, “What do you mean?”

“That’s like the most I’ve got out of you, Y/N. You’re a pretty closed book”

You’ve never been told that before. You're usually always oversharing. You have to try to be better. Maybe divulging the details of your life isn’t such a weakness or vulnerability. It’s hard to explain to anybody about what you’re going through, the only person who’ll understand is Kairi, but you haven’t talked to her since that time in the park, when she brought Hyunjin up and you came crumbling down like a house of cards.

You feel so weak lately, like a balloon about to be popped, stretched to your limits. You can’t accommodate any sadness in you anymore, and any mere mention or thought of Hyunjin breaks you down. You’re trying your best though. Yeonjun is sad you don’t hang out at his place anymore, after all it’s not his fault there’s a billboard of Hyunjin right across. Falling apart felt it’d be more climatic and sudden, but it’s more of a gradual process than anything. Even now, sitting in this pretty shop in Seoul, your chest pains at the memories. The hurt is so immense sometimes you have to clutch your chest waiting for the pain to pass. It’s like a heart attack every time you think of him. You can’t remember how it used to feel when it didn’t hurt. 

In the past few weeks, you’d have had a lot of selfish thoughts and wishes. Some of them are cruel in a way that you can never say it out loud. You feel guilty for even thinking them, yet most days when you’re alone in your bed and you crave him, you wish he never became an idol. Hyunjin without the fame and without his music was still the same boy inside. Hyunjin without the frills was the kid in the art store you fell in love with all those years ago. 

You wish he could just be yours, to love forever, not the entire citys’. Forever was a long fucking time but you felt capable of it, of cherishing him for the rest of your life because he made it so easy. But you should have taken the hint when he cut you out of his life, without even leaving a phone number behind. If you hadn’t come to Seoul… it was entirely possible he would never have seen you again. He would have left you behind in the town, and never looked back. To him…you were just a girl he messed around with in the summer. So temporary. So forgettable.

You wish you could pick apart your brain, and take out every memory of him, but you feared there’d be nothing in you left then. Loving him took up all the space in you. Missing him did the same. Jeonghan was speaking to you still, wondering why you never shared too much about yourself, and you shrugged, “I don’t know. I just want to focus on now. I hate feeling haunted by the past. It’s paralysing, to be stuck in those memories”

Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed, this is a pretty serious conversation for this cafe, but he asked, “You ever see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? The movie with Kate Winslet and that one dude…um, Jim Carrey?”

You’ve stopped sketching entirely now, you hadn’t made progress in hours. It goes without saying that ever since you saw Hyunjin in the city, your inspiration has been lost. You’ve been searching for it ever since, in new friendships, in new coffee shops, in conversations like this, “I…haven’t, but Felix, my best friend loved that movie”

He leaned forward, excited to explain to you, “Well, in the movie this couple’s broken up, and they hate each other, like absolutely loathe each other. So there’s this futuristic procedure where they can choose to erase memories of their lover, and the girl…she does it. It’s too painful to remember the boy she loved”

“Oh?”

“Mmh” Jeonghan’s eyes twinkle as he explained and you wonder if he and Felix would be best friends if they met; they talk about movies with the same passion, “So the guy, he starts going through the procedure too. But as the memories of their relationship start being deleted, he realises he doesn’t want them to be erased after all. They loved each other, and their time together was so special to them. That shouldn’t be forgotten. It’s a cool concept, right?”

You’re listening to him, and the noises of the cafe have faded away, “Yeah. It’s cool” You’re playing the movie in your head, wondering what you would do if you were in it. Would you alter the chemistry of your brain so Hyunjin never existed in your life? It’d sure be easier than trying to move on, which was…useless.

Jeonghan suddenly frowned realising you ate some of his cupcake. The proof was in your hands which were covered in white frosting. He leaned over the little table, “I thought you didn’t want the cupcake” 

You apologised, “Sorry. The frosting was good”

“Is that so?” He grabbed your hand. He’s touchy sometimes in class, so you weren’t too surprised. But in a single swoop, he licked the frosting right off your hand, tongue swirling around your finger for a brief second, “Eh, could be better. Anyway, do you want to watch that movie with me? You could come over after you finish the artwork”

Before you could even process what just happened, a tote bag slammed onto your table, and you both jumped. Minnie grinned at you, standing by, “So did you guys finish the assignment?”

»»————-

You are supposed to paint your most dominant emotion. It’s an important task, because you’ve to be graded on it. It’s due today. The thought of being evaluated for your creativity terrifies you. You don’t feel good for anything right now, but this is what you signed up for. Your supplies are sprawled across the apartment floor, and you’re forcing each stroke onto the paper, trying to paint a semblance of anything. You want to prove your worth in the art studio. You haven’t been too interactive in class, you’ve been at your lowest, but this meant so much to you for the longest time. So you’re trying really, really hard.

There is music playing from your phone, a mix of calm songs you’d put together months ago. Hours had passed, and you’ve fiddled away at your canvas, trying to fix every little detail. You stayed up nights in a row, finishing the painting and it was honestly a good distraction, for the most part. If Kim Jieong loves it, then perhaps you’ll stop being so sad. You will yourself to just fill in the gaps of your artwork, to correct the error in your ways so that it can be perfect for the presentation today.

But it was almost time for class, and if you didn’t leave now, you’ll be late. You stare at the painting, breathing a sigh, it doesn’t look half bad, “Well…this is as good as it’s gonna get”

As you roll the canvas up so you can carry it to class, the song on your playlist changes and within seconds… Hyunjin’s voice fills your bedroom. It was a song from the new album. 

You freeze, recognising it instantly, goosebumps rippling up your arms and legs. It’s a ballad, and his voice is soft and melodious. Once upon a time it was comforting. Dread fills your stomach. You hate this song. You hate his voice. You can’t listen to him ever again. Your phone lay across the bedroom floor. You need to turn it off. In your hurry to scramble for it, your hand slips, and your elbow knocks into a glass of muddy paint-water. Before you could even process it, the liquid tips over. Within seconds, helplessly you watch the wave of liquid destroy your art. It seeps across your entire canvas, ruining everything you’d worked on for weeks.

It becomes a glob of colors and it’s so funny and pathetic you couldn’t even cry or be frustrated. It’s your carelessness to blame. The only thing you can do is turn the fucking music off.

You feel stupid, showing up to class with that. When you arrive, Minnie was presenting her piece already. It’s gorgeous, and her painting is about love. It’s obvious in the way she’s drawn a portrait of what’s supposed to be her girlfriend, Jamie. There’s strokes of red for her hair, and pink and warm tones all over. Jamie is drawn so beautifully, accentuated features, so much personality in a single portrait. Does she know how beautiful she is in her girlfriend’s eyes?

Jeonghan goes next, and he’s painted triumph. It’s more abstract than a lover’s portrait. It’s smart, and it’s confident, and it’s full of gold accents. You feel ashamed thinking of your own work. You slide the rolled-up canvas behind your desk, and hope nobody notices it. Like a zombie, you’re applauding for everyone’s work, and your hands clap every few minutes, but you’re not even looking at anything anymore. Analysis and appreciation is out of the question. Your own failure is far too distracting. 

Then, Kim Jieong glanced at you for the first time this morning, expectant eyes, anticipating smile, “Come on up, sweetheart”

The rest of the class had apparently finished, and you’re the only one left. It’s easy to lie through your teeth, “I’m sorry, Mr. Jieong…I forgot”

His eyebrows shoot up, and confusion is evident in his gaze, “Forgot what?”

You can feel your friends eyes on you, “I forgot about the assignment” It’s better that he think you’re careless rather than not talented. Jeonghan’s gaze on you was deathly, because he knows you’ve worked on nothing else the past few days. This was the only thing you’d been sleeping and breathing. This was your turning point. Your hope for happiness.

Your professor nods, “I see…”

“I’m sorry” Your voice was small and pathetic but you don’t even feel any remorse. Sadness is so present in you that there’s no room for guilt. You stare at your table, not wanting to look anybody in the eye, especially as he speaks, “These assignments are for a reason, and I hope everybody knows that. We don’t wake up and come all the way here to waste each others time, do we?”

You curl up in your chair, pulling your jacket tight around yourself, and your eyes sting. You could feel his stare of judgement at you as he addressed the class, when you’re the only one at fault. Everybody else did the work. Minnie’s gaze was burning into you too, but you didn’t look up for the rest of class. It’s childish. You just feel embarrassed. You count down the minutes until it’s over. You’re going to go home and redo everything, and hopefully he will forgive you for your lack of tact.

As soon as it’s time, you grabbed your bag, rushing to leave, but his voice echoed through the class, “Y/N. Please stay back. I need to talk to you” 

The dreadful words make you stop in your tracks, but you were already at the door planning your escape. Minnie pinched you in the stomach as she left, “Good luck, babe”

You turned around, clutching your bag to your chest as everybody around you exits, and you know you’re being judged right now. This is a class for professionals. Heartbreak is not an excuse. You take a look at him, “Is everything okay?”

The professor crosses his legs on the stool, seemingly relaxed, and he didn’t look mad, “Just need to discuss something with you. I’ve been thinking about it for a while”

“Okay…” You breathe, running the possibilities in your head. Is he just upset, or is it possible to actually get kicked out of this program because of your fucking carelessness?

Jeonghan stops in front of you, “Should I go ahead, or do you want me to wait for you?”

Your professor was quick to interrupt, “Nate, I appreciate you sticking up for your friend, but I’d like to speak to her alone”

Your heart warmed at the thought that he was going to stay back for you, “It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow” You told him, even though you crave his comfort. Soon, the rest of the students trickle out of the classroom, dillydallying and slow to move with no care in the world. You stand by there, waiting patiently as Jieong wraps up his work, packing up his bag and things. As soon as everyone’s gone, you apologise, “I’m so sorry about forgetting the assignment. It was really irresponsible of me, and I can explain”

“Except you didn’t forget” He looked up at you.

“Sorry?”

“The canvas behind your desk. You didn’t really do a great job of hiding it”

“That’s… not my assignment” You protest, “That’s…nothing. It’s a mess”

He got up, “Then you won’t mind if I take a look at it?”

“I promise you, it’s nothing. It’s not worth…” You trailed off, watching as he makes his way there. He unfurls it, and he’s quiet for a few minutes as he stares at your botched painting. The artwork makes no sense. The canvas is completely ruined, and a kid could have done it better. He turns to you, disappointed. “Can you remind me why you’re here, Y/N?”

Your heart breaks even more, “I promise…I’m gonna do better next time”

He steps closer to you, “That’s not what I asked you, Y/N. Why are you in my program? That’s what I want to know”

You’re suddenly finding it hard to breathe, and your mind is blank. There’s no fucking space for your thoughts or for logic or reason, when it’s just been corrupted by memories he left behind, “I’m here… because I’ve always wanted to be”

“Do you think that’s good enough?”

This behavior of his isn’t even out of nowhere. You’ve been a horrible student of lately, you haven’t paid attention, your enthusiasm has been curbed, and your paintings have been tacky and upsetting. You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I’m really trying to be better. I’m…sorry for disappointing--”

“I’m only disappointed because you lied to me”

Your eyes shoot up to his, and his gaze burns you, “What?”

He crossed his arms, stepping close to you until there’s no personal space anymore. There’s no venom in his tone but you know he’s masquerading it because unlike you, he’s a professional who knows how to deal with people like you, “You can’t just choose what you want to do on a whim. That’s not up to you. That’s not what my program is for. This canvas is your assignment. Why are you pretending otherwise? Why didn’t you present it to the class?”

“Because I fucked up”

He didn’t flinch at your usage of the swear word, and he ran a hand over his face, “What emotion were you trying to convey?”

“Peace…”

“And is that how you feel? Peaceful?”

“No…” You sighed, “I feel horrible…” There was a lump in your throat blocking your airways. The pain in your chest was returning. You’re angry at Hyunjin for doing this to you.

“Can you please tell me what’s going on? You didn’t even meet the mentor I took you to see all the way to Pegasus for. Those field trips aren’t optional. I didn’t take you for some city tour. I wanted you to meet Karina. Those opportunities are important. If you miss those… you might as well not be here. This program is for people who value that, we have no room for freeloaders”

Your eyes shoot up to his, panic rising, and your eyes sting with tears, “Professor Jieong—”

“Can you sit down for a minute?” He stepped forward, hand going to your lower back, leading you to your seat. You feel awkward at the touch; the greenhouse studio is empty right now, it’s just you and him here. Would you have to beg him to let you stay in this program? Just like you begged Hyunjin to stay with you? He stands across you when you sit, crossing his arms, a pensive look in his eyes, “I receive…more than ten thousand applications for this program every year. There’s only twenty spaces in this classroom though. I couldn’t possibly look through all the applications myself. You’re aware of that, yes?”

It's hard for you to focus on his words when you only want to cry. In all this fucking sadness, you may just be losing the most important opportunity you ever got, “Yes…”

“I have a team that does it for me. They’re all trusted, close associates. All artists of course, and with all their idiosyncrasies they have a unique way of viewing the world. They hardly ever mess up in finding talent, but earlier this year, one of them did”

“What do you mean?”

“Your file didn’t come in to me. You were sent a rejection, weren’t you?”

The reminder is a punch to your gut, even though it’s in the past and irrelevant now. 

“Did you never wonder how you got in…even after being rejected?” He asked, lips curling up, as if knows the secrets of the universe and is indulging you in all of them. He’s going to tell you it was a mistake after all. You weren’t meant for this. You’ve fucked up so bad.

You wipe the single tear on your cheek as you look up at him, “To be honest…I just decided to take the blessing, and not question further”

He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Of course you did. Well, I think you’d be interested to know how you ended up getting in” You’ve never questioned it until now, and you’re anticipating his next words, "On a hot summer morning, I was supposed to catch a train up north to visit my parents. It was my day off…I don’t get too many of those here” He laughed, “But obviously, I missed the train. Instead of taking the next one, I came back to my office. When I did, I saw your file. It was in the rejected pile, but I took a single look at it and I knew there’d been a mistake. I knew that you had to be in this program. Somebody must have overlooked it, and I’m thankful I saw yours”

Your eyes widened, “What do you mean?” 

“I chose you, Y/N. Everybody else in this class was picked by my peers, by the committee, but you…I picked you myself, so you of all people shouldn’t be falling behind. You have an innate talent and I respect that a lot. I don’t want to be disappointed by you in the future. I know it’s intimidating to join in the middle of a semester, but you…belong here. Don’t question that. Don’t let it fuck you up”

You were dizzy with his compliment, perhaps this validation is the only thing you needed. You didn’t deserve this kindness, “You have a lot of confidence in someone who fucked up their painting so bad, Mr. Jieong”

“If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here, Y/N” 

“Right…um, thank you” Your lips tugged into a smile, and your chest felt lighter for the first time in a long time. He picked you. 

“That’s the problem with your generation, you’re always doubting yourself so much” He chuckled again, “Imagine if I’d taken that train to see my parents. I’d never seen your application. It would have been such a shame to not have you here with me”

You nodded, standing up to leave, grabbing your things, “That’s a crazy coincidence… Why didn’t you take the train though?”

He shrugged, carrying your canvas for you, so he could walk you out, “They’d closed down the entire platform for a few hours, so couldn’t even if I wanted to”

You frowned, switching off all the lights and glanced at him as the room was plunged in darkness, “Huh. I didn’t know they do that…”

“I didn’t either, but apparently some famous guy was returning to Seoul that day. I’m guessing a lot of fans wanted to see him, there was too big of a crowd. So they ended up shutting down the whole platform. Made me miss my damn train”

“A… music artist?” 

“Yeah! You might have seen it on the news. He’s one of Pegasus’ artists actually. I think he’s also a painter, like you. 

The pain in your chest returned with a bang, “Oh…”

He laughed, “This city and its obsession with celebrities. But I guess if it wasn’t for that… you wouldn’t be here”

“Yeah…”

His hand landed on your shoulder, trying to comfort you but nothing could, “I guess that’s why they say coincidence is just another word for fate, huh?”

»»————-

Unread messages flooded your inbox. Some from Yeonjun, most from Felix… You haven’t ignored them on purpose. You just haven’t had time or the energy to get back to them. They all read the same anyway. Asking about your life in the city, and how it feels to live your dreams. A part of you thought it’s the universe being decidedly cruel to you — reminding you the irony of how you’ve never been this miserable in your life.

And then there was one from Kairi. 

hey! i hope you’ve been doing good. i went to this cute new cafe in gangnam and i thought of you.  i feel like we ended things on the wrong note. could we maybe have a redo of last time? if that’s okay with you

You don’t reply, because you have no idea what you’ll even talk about to her. It’s creepy to pursue friendship with Chan’s ex. You’re supposed to be moving on, not just from him, but from his entire world. 

Your phone buzzes again and it’s a text from Minnie on your group chat. It’s just you, her and Jeonghan in it. You don’t talk too much here, just make plans for class and coffee. So you were surprised at what she had sent you. Maybe she feels pitiful after the way you embarrassed yourself in class earlier.

minnie: so you’re not gonna believe this yn.

yeah? 

minnie: i have a friend of a friend, and he saw a picture of you on my instagram. he thinks you’re really fucking hot.

who?

minnie: just some guy. anyway, do you want me to set you up with him?

noo. please don’t 

minnie: wait you didn’t let me finish. he works in the city, and i haven’t met him yet but my friend said he’s smart and funny. he seems like the kind of guy you’d like?

you’re trying to set me up with someone you’ve never met yourself?

minnie: omg its called a blind date girl

no dates. please.

minnie: all right :( anyway jamie and me are getting drunk tonight. do you wanna come?

You were trying really hard, to make casual conversation more often, to just be a normal fucking human who isn’t heartbroken and defined by your love for someone, so you said yes. You bought a bottle of wine from the store so you could bring it for them, as a gift for inviting you over. 

Minnie’s place was…nice. It’s in the higher end of the city, and she definitely comes from money. You were gathered around her dining table, and you’re sitting with your knees up on her chair. Jamie was lying on the couch across you, and she’s very tipsy already. A glass of wine was balanced on her stomach, and they’re telling you the story of how they met — through mutual friends on a night out in the city, apparently it was love at first sight, and Jamie had asked Minnie out only days after they first met. You didn’t opt for alcohol tonight, instead, you were digging into a large tub of chocolate ice-cream. 

Minnie was sitting cross-legged on the table, in her pajamas, “And then, guess what restaurant she picked for our first date? This…candle-lit fucking expensive place! I was so impressed, and kind of embarrassed I wouldn’t match the vibe—”

“But you looked fucking hot” Jamie interrupted, “We flirted the entire night, and then…we fucked on the very first date. At her place”

“Whoa…” You smiled at their story, tasting another spoonful of ice cream, “And…when did you start dating? Was it soon after that?”

“It’s embarrassing. She asked me to be her girlfriend…the same night” Minnie giggled, covering her face in her hands. She was definitely very tipsy, and you’d only seen her this cheerful around Jamie. In class, she was much more composed and serious, and it’s nice to see the side of her around her lover. She’s so much more open, and happier here.

“Oh” You realised, “And you’ve been together…three years now?”

Minnie grinned, shrugging, “I’d already fallen in love on the first date, no matter how stupid that sounds” 

You smiled at that, and then buried yourself into the ice-cream cup again, licking flecks off the steel spoon. Minnie nudged you, snapping you out of it, “Are you ever gonna tell us what happened with your ex or are we supposed to guess?”

“Minnie…” You rest your head against the wall, “It’s really not as interesting as your story”

“Y/N….” She whined loudly, and she had made her way through the second bottle of wine, the one you’d brought, “You don’t trust us? I promise we’re not gonna judge. Please, please, please”

“It’s not about that” You sighed, but her excitement to know your past was endearing, “I just find it depressing to talk about”

“Well. That’s what we’re here for. How can you move on if you avoid it forever?” Jamie sat up, blanket wrapped around her, and Minnie even shifted closer to you. This felt nice…to have friends here, in a city you couldn’t call home yet.

She was right. The past shouldn’t be your vulnerability. You sighed, staring inside your empty cup, “Well, then I’m gonna need a hell of a lot more ice cream”

“Um, so this is about the guy you mentioned right? The one you had lost touch with?”

You knew you’d be asked this story one day. You had to tell this without naming names. You couldn’t compromise Hyunjin like that. To them, it would just be a guy from your town, not an idol, not someone famous. You curled up your legs, ripping open the plastic of the brand new strawberry ice-cream tub, “I don’t know where to start honestly. It’s kind of a long story, but…um, I had this crazy crush on a boy in my town. He was really cute. He was kind, and funny, and…really really fucking hot” 

Minnie and Jamie laughed at that, eager ears as you continued, “I didn’t think anything would happen between us, because I thought he was into my best friend. Turns out he wasn’t. Me and him ended up kissing one night, it was romantic as hell. I kind of felt like…the main character in those coming-of-age 90s films. Because he was…so old-fashioned in a way? But also, really modern. He’s so romantic” You paused to breathe and all those memories are flooding back, “I was in this…pretty satin dress, and he was in a suit, with like a cropped jacket, and really cool pants. They fit him so well” 

Minnie lived in a high-rise building, and from here, the city lights blinked in the distance, golden specks lighting up the horizon. The memory flooded through you, clear as day. Two people under the night sky, surrounded by mountains on all sides. He had shown you the stars and the sky. You remember telling him that stars would remind you of him now. He had held you in his arms, and imprinted his words into your soul, “And when I look at the city lights…I’ll think of you”

Was he thinking of you now?

The city lights were brighter than ever. 

“Holy shit. Where did he take you on a date to? The Met Gala?” Jamie laughed, “I didn’t know guys our age even wear suits other than to funerals”

“No, it wasn’t a date date. It was just a fancy event in the town” Maybe you had terrible storytelling skills, because nothing made sense and it was all jumbled up, but they were listening intently so you continued anyway. No words could convey your first kiss with him. No sentences could capture your emotions, the lust, the love. 

“But after that kiss, he regret it immediately. He wasn’t really looking for a relationship. Despite that we kept kissing, over and over…and we didn’t stop. It became a thing, I don’t really know what we were doing” You smiled softly, staring at the skyscraper lights from their window, a kaleidoscope of inappropriate memories projected on the glass. You lost your words, blaming your imagination for the way a film reel of those moments was cast onto the windows. Maybe you really were going crazy, staring at the glass, and seeing him touching you in the reflection. Heat rushed to your face, like your dirtiest thoughts were out on display, but Jamie and Minnie were quiet, and this was all in your head anyway. You took a larger serving of the ice-cream this time, the creamy texture melting on your tongue, “I guess that’s when I realised I was absolutely, insanely in love with him, but… then he had to leave”

“Leave for what? The military?” Minnie’s eyes were wide. Jamie shushed her, “Wait, let her talk babe. You can ask your questions later”

“No, not the military, just for his work, and then…” Then came the hard part of this story, “And then he blocked me. For a few months. I don’t know why” 

They frowned, but they didn’t interrupt you, “I saw him in a shop downtown, and he completely walked past me at first…he ignored me. But when we met later, he kissed me. Then he told me he could never see me again” It sounded crazy told all together like this. It didn’t sound like your life. It sounded like a story from some tacky relationship podcast Jeonghan would listen to, but it was the truth. Their eyes were wide as you finished, and you stared at them, feeling naked and vulnerable, “That’s the gist of it”

“He sounds like an asshole” Jamie mumbled, pouring herself another drink. Your gaze shot up to hers. “Is thatwhat I’d made him seem like? That wasn’t my intention. He’s not an asshole, he’s…really nice”

Minnie frowned, “Yeah. No nice guy would do that to someone he cares about”

They didn’t know he was an idol, and they couldn’t know, so it was frustrating that they’d never understand all of it. How could they have guessed that it was forbidden for Hyunjin to love you?

“Honestly that sounds really fucked up. If he actually gave a shit about you, he wouldn’t have ghosted you in the first place, and then he had the nerve to kiss you? God, men are such dicks. As soon he had enough of the sex, he dropped you?”

They didn’t know all the nice things he’d said to you, or the nice things he’d done for you. You shook your head, “No, guys… it wasn’t just about the physical—”

“Did he ever tell you he loved you?”

You swallowed, “No…”

“And he told you he doesn’t do relationships” Jamie scoffed, “That’s what my friend’s ex was like. He said the same thing, and next year he got fucking married to another girl. This boy you’re telling us about…he’s obviously not going to be single forever, especially if he’s as nice as you say he is. If he actually saw any future with you, Y/N, he would have told you”

Minnie sighed, and it seemed like this very specific conversation about you had escalated into a hatred of most men, “It sounds like a fucked up situationship, and babe… if you give him so much importance it’ll only hurt you. He used you, because you’re so fucking nice. Not that that’s your fault, but…he’s just like every guy I know. They like the thrill of the chase, and when they actually get the girl, they’re bored of her”

A fucked up situationship? Maybe that’s what it actually was. Hyunjin had clearly stated that what you and him had only existed in Daejon. Here you were, calling it destiny, stupidly. Your vision became blurry as tears shot up to your eyes, and it was pathetic because you weren’t even drunk, you were just sad and loaded on strawberry ice-cream, “He’s not like that” 

“Why are you defending him?”

You knew they were wrong. Obviously they were wrong, but is that what this seemed like to the outside world? That Hyunjin used you? Because you were easy…and nice? 

Minnie reached out to touch your shoulder, comfortingly squeezing it, “You can do so much better than him, Y/N. From everything you said… he just sounds manipulative as hell”

You put the empty ice cream cup away, “Yeah” You mumbled, “So…what am I supposed to do now?”

“Get yourself out there! Go on dates. Kiss every guy in Seoul if you want to, if that makes you happy. You’re… fucking amazing. Are you seriously going to wait around for a guy who isn’t even trying for you?”

You’ve never been a casual person, but maybe that is what you need now. You’re done with world-shattering true loves. Even Hyunjin had casually been with girls before you, and the thought stung you that he might even be with girls after you. He only had an issue with relationships…and that’s why he’d pushed you away, because he couldn’t give you one. There’d be thousands of other girls who’d be willing to be with him - no label, no expectations, just sex. Yeah, you did need to get yourself out there. How bad could it be?

»»————-

The text said, Meet at eight.

It’s half past, and your date is not here.

You’d dressed yourself in a tight black dress, very revealing and you could hardly breathe. It was from a fancy store in your neighbourhood, and it was far too expensive, but it’d be worth it for tonight. You did your hair in a style Hana had taught you, and you haven’t dolled up like this in a long, long while. The last time you dressed yourself this much…was for the Paint and Wine event in the Château. Tonight is a first for you and you want to make a real good impression. 

Although, it’s been more than thirty minutes and your date hasn’t shown up. You were sitting at the bar, getting anxious and impatient. Looking around, the place was full, everybody seemed to be on a date, and nobody’s looking at you. Nobody was looking for you. You’re only a little mortified, and the best case scenario is…that he got the timing wrong, or that he got busy and decided this wasn’t worth his time. Minnie told you he’s working, so he obviously has a more hectic schedule than yours. The worst case? That he saw you and left.

“Can I get you anything?” The bartender asked, leaning over the wooden bar, “You’ve been here a while…”

“I’m waiting for somebody to show up. A date…” You explained, and understanding settled into his features. He headed back to the rest of his customers, and you wonder if he’s going to gossip about the poor stood-up girl at the bar. They must see this a lot everyday. This bar seems fancy, your blind date suggested you meet here so he seems like a man with good standards. There’s a dance floor and blaring Latin music, which brings in most of the crowd. You texted Minnie, um am i at the right bar?

shit he’s not there yet?

You decided to order a drink so tonight isn’t useless after all, and you browsed through the flimsy, paper menu. It’s got stains of ketchup on it, and it’s gross but it reminds you that you hadn’t ate in hours. You wanted to be able to fit into this dress and to leave enough room for dinner with him. Your eyes caught sight of the familiar names of drinks that Hyunjin had wanted to make you but didn’t have the ingredients for. You ended up choosing a Tequila Sunrise instead. You don’t really want to taste an Italian Dolce Vita and discover what you missed out on that last night in Daejon with him.

An hour has passed now. You were most definitely stood-up, but you’re stubborn so you would stay until the end of tonight, and if he ever did show up you’d forgive your date in a second. Your drink was empty, you’d chugged it to calm your nerves. Your napkin was soggy, and the other couples who sat at the bar have already made their way to second base: the dance floor where they’re grinding up against each other. You have resorted to playing with the condensation drops on your glass, observing the way the water falls onto the countertop.

A blind date was how this had all started, back in the bowling alley, so why were you getting yourself into it again? Maybe you should have more dignity, and walk away right now, but you were so desperate. If you leave tonight, you’d never work up the courage again to go on a date, and you need this more than anything. You feel so stupid, and maybe Hana’s actions that past summer actually make sense anyway. You would do anything to forget Hyunjin. You’d date …almost anybody to get over him. Even if it’s a guy who kept you waiting for an hour by yourself. 

“Hey. Um. Are you Y/N?” An unfamiliar voice asked. You turned around to see a boy in a maroon button-up. He’s finally here, and your heart calms a little because he’s actually cute. All Minnie had said about him was that he was smart and funny, so it’s a relief that he’s easy on the eyes too. He looked older than you, and he’s got kind eyes and curly hair. Although it’s a bit off-putting that he’s wearing a baseball cap indoors. It felt like you’re both dressed for different occasions, but you are not going to complain. No matter what happens tonight, you can’tcomplain. This isn’t the time to be picky. It’s the time to take whatever life throws at you, because clearly that’s the only way you’re going to find somebody genuinely interested in you.

“Hey, Kang-min, right?” You forced a smile at him, and suddenly you’re so nervous. This is the first real date you’ve ever been on in ages. 

The boy took the empty barstool next to you, and eyed your glass, “Sorry I was late, I had a friend emergency. I hope you’re not drunk already. That’d be mean”

You smiled, watching the way he sat so comfortably like this was routine for him, “It was just one drink. Don’t worry, I just came here too” Just a little white lie so he wouldn’t feel too guilty.

His eyes flickered over your dress, falling to your cleavage, “Did you buy that just for me?”

It was so forward that it caught you off guard. Your eyes widened, and you don’t want to give away how much tonight could possibly mean to you. So you said, “Um. Depends. Do you like it?”

He laughed, gaze on your bare legs and thighs, shamelessly checking you out, “Guess you’ll find out”

You don’t really know what to say so you smile at him, hoping he also likes the shade of red lipstick you’re wearing. He looks around the place, catching a feel for it, and then back at you. He looked at the bartender, snapping his fingers to catch his attention and ordered a drink for himself. A large beer. Tasteful. He looked at you and asked, “So…what’s your damage, pretty?”

“Sorry?”

His drink arrived pretty fast, and he lift the large glass to his lips. In a single go, he finished all of it, and you’re surprised at how fast he drank this. He had foam on his upper lip as he said, “You agreed to go on a blind date. Your last relationship must have been seriously fucked up”

You hoped you masqueraded your frown, “I just wanted to try something new”

“Right…makes sense” He tsked, “So my friend told me you’re an artist”

You smiled, relieved the conversation steered in a direction you were familiar with, “Yup. I study at a studio in the city. It’s an art program under this artist--”

He interrupted you, “I hear artists infamously make almost no money, but I mean you’re living in Seoul. You must be pretty well off” He pointed at you, almost accusatory, a grin on his face, “Let me guess, rich parents. Trust fund. Private school education”

You shook your head, a little offended and surprised that he made such an assumption in five minutes of knowing you, “No. I…I worked a couple of years and saved up for this”

He called the bartender again, to order a second beer and seemed surprised, “That takes some serious hustle. Why art then? You could’ve picked anything in the world”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…not to offend anyone, but there’s no money in art. What’s the point of it then?”

“Um…” You laughed, nervously. You realised that you’ve never been asked this question before. Most people in your life knew you since birth, and never questioned your passion for it, “It’s just what I like to do. It makes me really happy to paint beautiful things—”

“So you don’t paint about real shit?”

“Sorry?”

“I think my personal pet peeve is when people pretend the world is so great and lovely, even though everything’s so fucked up. Seems like you look at the world with rose-tinted glasses, if you only like to paint all the nice, pretty things, and not something that actually matters”

“I think art can be about everything, and that’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t always have to make a social statement, but it can always be interpreted as such. Some art is just about capturing the beauty of our world, and that’s okay too” You forced a smile, wanting to get the heat off you, “Um so you never told me… What do you do?”

He looked at you over the rim of his glass, “I’m a pharmacy tech. In short; I make important phone calls, and deal with horribly annoying people”

So that’s why Minnie said he was smart, “Oh…that must have taken a lot of studying”

“Yeah. Not everyone can do it, but somebody has to” He laughed, “I stepped up. I make good money though. So, um, aren’t you going to get another drink, Y/N or are you a lightweight?”

“I’m good” You smiled, although you were hungry as fuck because you’d been waiting for him so long, “Maybe we could order the food now?”

“Here?” He chuckled, “It’s really not worth it, I only come here for the beer. You didn’t get dinner before this?”

“I…I thought we’d eat together”

He laughed, pushing his curls out of his face, “No, I’d rather get drunk with you…and we can dance”

You looked to the dance floor which smelled of sweat and other things you don’t want to think of, “Maybe we could just talk more. I’ll just get another drink then”

He smiled, then looked at the bartender, “A beer for the lady”

“Actually, I might get wine” 

His eyes narrowed, and he chuckled, “Oh. Let me guess. You want the most expensive one, right?”

You blinked, “Um…no I’m okay with any. The cheapest one is fine too”

He laughed, throwing his head back, “No wine is cheap, pretty. ”

“I can pay for it” You offered. Ugh. You wanted him to like you so bad. 

“No, no, you’re out with me. You should have a real drink” He went ahead and ordered a beer for you. He probably thought you were the most boring girl in this entire city, so you agreed. You needed tonight to go well. Obviously, he wasn’t anything like Hyunjin, but no one could be. If you compared every boy to him, you’d never find anybody. So this would have to do. You sipped on the beer, and it tasted bitter and so horrible, but you swallowed anyway, shooting him a smile. You’d been miserable for long, you needed to let go, and have fun. You could be that kind of girl.

He grinned, reaching forward to grab your thigh, fingers clawing against your skin, “You’re cute”

You were distracted by the suddenness of his touch, and you laughed, nervously, “Thank you. You’re cute too. I like your piercings”

“Yeah?” He tilt his head, smirking, “You’re like the tenth girl to say that to me. I must be doing something right”

You didn’t have much experience with first dates... was it always this fucking awkward? His hand was inching closer up your thigh. You shifted away slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Sure, he was attractive, but you weren’t attracted to him yet. It was too soon. 

“So…you said you’re late because of a friend emergency? What was it?” You wanted hoping to keep the conversation going, and to keep it interesting. You wanted to know more about him. 

“Ugh. Do not remind me” He rolled his eyes.

“Sorry” You apologised, “Is your friend okay?”

“Nope. He ran out of some weed, so I had to run down and get some for him. Even though he knew I had a date tonight and hot girls rank higher in priority than weed”

“Oh…you seem like a good friend”

He was a perfectly cute boy, why couldn’t you let loose? Just because you’d been attracted to Hyunjin from the first time you saw him, did not mean it’d happen with everybody else. That kind of shit was once in a lifetime, and if you started expecting those sparks from every future relationship, you’d be lonely forever. But all you could wish for was him. The way he was around you, how he talked to you… the way your body was on fire when he so much as breathed near you. The thought choked you. There was no way you’d be hung up on him forever. You had to move on. It had to be as fast as possible, and tonight should be it. How often would a guy agree to go on a date with you anyway? 

So, when his hand landed on your thigh again, and slipped under the hem of your dress, you didn’t stop him. You forced a smile, hoping somehow your body would cooperate, and you’d actually start enjoying it. His nails were long, digging into your upper thigh, inching closer to your underwear. 

“Maybe we could play a drinking game or something. To get to know each other better” You suggested. 

“Okay” He agreed, pulling his bar stool closer and leaned in, “Name of the last guy you fucked”

Your eyes widened, “Whoa. You’re getting right to it…” What game was this? Why would he want to know that anyway?

He tilt his head, smirking, “Don’t stall. You have fucked, right?”

Oh… So he just wanted to know if you were a virgin. “Yeah. I have” You tried to change the topic, trying not to feel disgusted at this implication, “Isn’t it my turn to ask you something now? I mean…according to the game”

Kangmin smiled, lazily, running a hand through his curls, “You’re…already playing pretty hard to get though. We’ll have plenty of time to know each other. My place is pretty close. We’ve got all night.” 

So…he probably only picked this bar because he lived close by. Maybe this was his way of flirting with you, or you ended up going on a date with the worst guy in Korea. This was how the rest of your life would be? He leaned in closer to you, and his breath reeked of beer, and you realised in horror that he wanted to kiss you. You couldn’t. You moved away, before his lips could touch yours, hoping your unease would disappear, “Sorry. I’m nervous”

He hummed, almost taking this as a challenge, hand sliding under your dress completely, “A few more drinks then?”

You felt nauseous, instead of turned on. God, what the fuck were you doing here. This was a mistake. You couldn’t do this. “Actually. I’m just…gonna run to the bathroom for a minute” You grabbed your purse. 

He sat up straighter, a smirk on his lips, “Oh? That’s where you want to take this?"

Your eyes widened at his implication, “What? No…I…I just need to go”

“Oh” He looked disappointed, and a little confused, like he couldn’t comprehend why you wouldn’t want to fuck him in a random club bathroom. 

You got up, making your way through the dance floor. When you looked back, he was already ordering another beer for the two of you. You shouldn’t have agreed to this date. You don’t know what you expected. It had surely helped Hana, but she moved on from Yeonjun with Hyunjin. Of course that helped her. For their date, he took her to the coolest Japanese restaurant in Daejon, and a part of you thought tonight could be like that. Of course it couldn’t. That was her. That was him. This was all you. 

It was freezing outside, and there was an alley of smokers right at the exit. Mostly old men, and some younger girls, blowing puffs of smoke into your face as you passed them. You leaned against the brick wall, trying to book a cab, but to your luck, there were none available. Your first instinct was to text Yeonjun, but he was on a work retreat, as far as you remember. Although Jeonghan… had told you he was going to be out in the city today. If he was close enough…maybe he could help you get home. You dialled his number.

“Y/N! how’s it going?” He asked, and then immediately said, “Wait, if you’re calling me in the middle of your date that means—”

“Can you come pick me up? Please. There’s no taxis” You blurted. A few of the smokers were eyeing you up, and you covered your chest with your arms, stepping away from their cloud of smoke, “And um…I don’t feel comfortable taking the train back alone”

He paused, “Uhh…you’re at the bar downtown?” 

“Yeah…I know it’s out of the way. I’m really sorry to bother you, I just—”

“I’m on my way, Y/N. Don’t apologise”

You squeezed your eyes shut in relief. You tried to catch your breath, but there was no fresh air here. Minutes passed so slowly, and you were shivering against the brick wall. Everytime a guy approached you, you just pretended to be on your phone, hoping Jeonghan would be here soon. The back door to the club opened, and your blind date, Kang-min stepped out. He walked straight to you, and he looked…really pissed. You straightened up, watching him get closer. “What the fuck?” He laughed, “I was waiting for you to come back”

“I…I’m sorry” You apologised, “I was feeling sick”

He seemed upset, “You didn’t even pay for your drink”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I just—” You reached into your purse, but just as you did, you spotted Jeonghan on the other side of the street. When he saw you, he did a little jog up to you.

You looked back at Kang-min, “I have to go. My friend is here”

“What?” Your blind date asked, stepping closer.

“Whoa, whoa. Back off, dude" Jeonghan made it to you, eyes narrowed at him, “Let’s go, Y/N” He grabbed your hand, pulling you to his side.

Kang-min laughed, “Whatever. You aren’t even that hot, bitch”

Before you could say anything, Jeonghan tugged at your hand, taking you away from a possible confrontation, “Come on, the subway is close by”

“Fuck. Shit. I’m really sorry” You apologised, running your hands through your hair, trying to process what you just put yourself through. You followed behind him as you walked to the nearest station. He shook his head, making sure you stayed close to him, “No, no don’t be. I’m sorry it took me so long. I missed this stop at first”

Technically, you could have taken the train home yourself, but it was late and…you were in the worst mood. Jeonghan bought the tickets, and you waited at the platform, squeezing your purse in your hands. A little bakery was still open at the station, and he asked, “You already ate dinner, right?”

“Yeah. Let’s just go home” You mumbled. He did not need to know that your supposed fancy dinner date consisted of only cheap beer. You could have some cold pizza when you got home. The train arrived, and you boarded it, standing next to him in a corner, away from the crowd. You were so fucking embarrassed, but he wasn’t judging you.

So no more blind dates for you then… or perhaps it was a work in progress, and you would just have to keep powering through. It wasn’t Minnie’s fault either, she had no idea about the guy being…such an asshole. You stared out at the window as the train whizzed by stations, trying to not feel so sorry for yourself. Jeonghan asked you about the blind date, and you told him the gist of it.

He shook his head, releasing a groan, “That sounds really annoying, sorry. It sucks that most guys I know here are all like that. I’m surprised he even let you leave”

You swallowed, “Yeah. Were you busy when I called?”

“I was just working on an assignment”

“Oh, I’m sorry”

“I’m obviously kidding” He laughed, “It’s a Saturday night, I was at a party at my friends’”

“Oh. Is he gonna be mad you left?”

“It doesn’t matter. I told him my friend needed help getting out of a date. He totally understood. This happens here more than you think, unfortunately” 

Your place wasn’t too far from the bar, and you arrived sooner than you thought. Jeonghan even chose to walk you home, not wanting you to take any deserted alleys on your own. You stopped in front of your building, and he asked you, “You gonna be fine?”

You blew a puff of cold air, leaning against the front wall, “Yeah. I just…I don’t think I should have gone on the date”

He tucked a stray hair behind your ear, smiling at you, “At least you have a funny story to tell the kids”

You scoffed, “What kids? At this rate, I’m going to die alone”

“You’re dramatic. I’m sure the other dates you go on will be better. Hopefully”

“Yeah…” You already dreaded the idea of going on more dates, “I just thought…it’d help me not be stuck in the past, you know? Or maybe the only thing that can help me is that potion from the movie you were telling me about. Eternal Sunshine, was it?”

Jeonghan laughed loudly, “It’s not a potion, Y/N! It’s a science fiction movie, not fantasy”

You rolled your eyes, smiling, “Whatever”

“Maybe we can get you on a dating app. If you’re looking to casually mess around with a decent guy, those are good. It requires more effort, but…some guys are sweet. At least better than the blind date you had”

You smiled, “Hmm. Are you on a dating app?”

“Why? Would you swipe on me, if you saw me on one?” He sounded so coy.

Your eyes flickered over him. Under the lights on the street where you lived, Jeonghan looked pretty. He looked safe. Tonight he was dressed in a simple white tee, a flannel covering him, hanging off one shoulder. You smiled, a flush rising to your cheeks, “No but seriously, thanks for…rescuing me tonight”

“Mmh, that was very damsel in distress of you to call me like that” 

You smiled up at him, “Don’t push it”

“I’m just surprised you actually agreed to go on a date. Minnie and her girlfriend must have had some magical convincing powers”

You sighed, “I thought kissing somebody else would help me. Maybe I should have just let him kiss me, but I might have thrown up if he did. Tonight…was an absolute failure.”

Jeonghan let out a soft hum at your words, “I see”

“What?” You frowned, standing up straighter.

“Ah. Don’t pout. Wasn’t a total failure. I got to see you all dressed up. You’re usually showing up to class in just sweats”

“Are you making fun of my heartbreak?” You laughed, pushing him lightly.

He stumbled back on the curb, laughing, “And are you trying to kill me? Don’t push me onto the road, Y/N!”

You giggled, pulling him back on the sidewalk, “There’s no cars, Jeonghan. You’re so dramatic”

He frowned, throwing his hands up, “I was just saying that if you want to kiss someone tonight. I…wouldn’t be totally opposed to the idea.” 

He floated that suggestion so casually. Your eyes widened at it, and you didn’t know what to make of it, “You’re…joking, right?”

He shrugged, and there was no nervousness, “If your big dream of tonight was to kiss some guy…I mean, you’re my friend. It’s not a big deal”

“So a pity kiss?” You frowned, but a smile tugged at your lips.

He rolled his eyes, “Oh my god. If you don’t want a kiss, then just—”

You didn’t let him finish, stepping ahead, hand grabbing his face down to yours. Your mouth met his, if only to shut him up. He immediately kissed you back, hands threading through your hair, messing up your fancy hair. His lips were rough, but it was nice…because it was different. That’s exactly what you wanted right now, a taste of something new and unfamiliar. Maybe you were trying to prove something by kissing him. He stepped ahead to be closer, and tilt his head, deepening the kiss. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you pulled away. It only lasted a few seconds.

He pulled back too, mouth stained from your lipstick, “Mm. That wasn’t too bad”

You stared up at him, “You’re so annoying”

He hummed, voice breathy, “Your lips are really soft, Y/N. What lip balm do you use?”

You sighed, “I should have just pushed you on the street”

“Ouch. I just gave you a pity kiss and you have the audacity to threaten me?”

“Shut up!” You laughed, shoving him away. You were thankful he didn’t make this awkward and didn’t read into it.

“No, I’m serious. It was really, really good. You’re a great kisser…but I should tell you, and this is really important…”

“Yes…?”

“You taste like cheap beer”

“Ugh…I know” You closed your eyes, feeling tiredness seep into your limbs, “Anyway, I should go”

He nodded at you, “Yup. See you in class tomorrow”

You waved goodbye, making your way up to your apartment, feeling the sensation of his lips on yours still. The kiss was nice…but there was nothing electric about it. It was nothing like what it could be. It’s like you’d taken one step forward, and two steps back. Tonight was all about moving on, but everything that happened had just made you miss Hyunjin more.

»»————-

This time, you bought the coffee. You found a cute table, over by the window, and you waited. Your earphones were plugged in, but it’s on mute, and you’re choosing to listen to the sounds of the cafe instead. The cafe you discovered with your friends was so cute. Plants hung from every corner, and there was cool seating; couches with crochet pillows and pink heart-shaped seats. It had so much personality, and it fuelled your inspiration. It could be your new haven.

The chair opposite you shifted, and Kairi sat down. “There you are. I’m dying for some caffeine” She smiled, cherry-colored lips. She was dressed in a fleece bomber jacket. You shot her a smile, trying to not be nervous, “Hey… Did you want a Mocha? I wasn’t sure if you’d like the same as last time”

“Americano” She told you, settling comfortably like you did this each day. She had been so sweet to you even in the few moments you had with her. She was a breath of fresh air. So, after your failure of a date, you had finally texted her back, and decided to let her into your life. Maybe you could immerse yourself into your new friendships, and you could move on like that. When you were standing in line to buy her coffee, you glanced in her direction and she was smiling at you, fondly. She hadn’t seemed upset that you didn’t text her back for so long. You wondered how much she knew about you, how much Hyunjin told her, or even Chan. 

When you walked back to the table with coffee and snacks, you feared there might not be anything to talk about if she already has existing assumptions of you, but once your conversation started…it didn’t end.

“So you’ve only been here a few weeks right?” Kairi was sipping on her coffee, a plate of half-eaten biscuits laid between you. From here, you had a perfect view of the street and it looked Parisian. It’s good for people-watching, but right now, Kairi’s the most interesting thing here, “You seem like you’re settling in well”

“I think so. I’ve lost track” You answered her, reaching for a biscuit, “I moved here in the fall, and it’s almost winter now, but it also feels like no time has passed”

“You’re so lucky” She hummed. 

You lift an eyebrow, “Why?”

“I’ve always had this crazy dream, to move somewhere new. A place where people would have absolutely no idea who I am. I could have a new name, new job” She laughed, “Like a secret identity”

“Why would you want that?”

She shrugged, wiping biscuit crumbs off her mouth, “I’m curious to see what kind of person I might be in another country… if I’d behave differently, if I’d have different reactions to situations…if I’d have the same kind of friends, or job”

“Oh…wow” You blinked, “You’ve actually thought it through”

“Well, yes” She shook her head, smiling, “You did start over. How’s that been for you, Y/N?"

You leaned back in your seat, it’s a plush leather and pink in color. In this moment, it doesn’t feel like this is the first real conversation you’re having with her, “It’s harder in practice, Kairi. I think your baggage ends up following you everywhere”

She leaned forward, and her eyes were sparkling, “No, but what if it didn’t? What if you could have…a clean slate? What would you do, Y/N?”

“What would I do….?” You’re left wondering. In a way, Seoul was your clean slate, but you’ve let it be tainted by your sadness, “I think I’d move to Paris…or a big city like Milan. I would…have a cool, catchy name, and I’d dye my hair a crazy color”

Kairi laughed, “Really? And what would you do in a city so big?”

“I don’t know. I would love to set up those little stalls at crowded places like the Eiffel Tower, and paint tourists, capturing them at their happiest. People are always so carefree on their vacations, and they’re always dressed their best. Even if I don’t make much money doing their portraits…I’d kill to give them a beautiful memory, something they could hang on their fridge door or something, you know what I mean? It’s not ambitious at all but man, I could imagine doing that for years and enjoying it”

Kairi was smiling wide, eyes crinkling as you talked, and you suddenly felt embarrassed for the way you’d been rambling, “Um sorry. I don’t know what came over me. That’s not what you asked”

This was strange because…you haven’t felt excited like this in a long while. You felt inspired. It’s as if something has changed, just from her presence. She put you at ease. 

“No, you’re so cute. Your dreams are beautifully simplistic” She told you, and you almost blushed.

“What would you do, Kairi? If you could be anyone in the world?” You had a newfound vigor and energy, only from this conversation alone. Was it really so simple to find motivation? 

“I would move to the countrysides of Japan…or an island in Hawaii. Somewhere away from people. It would be nice to have so much time for myself, and not be surrounded by millions of others”

Your heart warmed hearing her talk, “We want the exact opposite things. That’s kind of funny. You should move to Daejon”

Kairi laughed, “Hyunjin told me it was beautiful”

Your smile fell, momentarily, and you nodded, “It is. Yeah. What else did he tell you…about me?”

Her lips parted, to answer, but before she could, your phone buzzed loudly on the table.

“Who is that?” She asked. You looked up at her in surprise. “Sorry” She apologised, cheeky, “I’m nosy like that”

“It’s my neighbour” You told her, reading Jeongin’s text, “Apparently he locked himself out. He needs help getting back in”

She frowned, “That’s annoying”

“Yeah, he’s always helping me get in, like every second day…” You told her, typing in a reply to tell Jeongin you’d be there soon.

Kairi sat up straighter, a sad pout on her face, “I guess that means you have to leave”

“Yeah. Shit” You realised, “I’m sorry. I would like to stay more—”

She reached across the table, grabbing your hand, and you noticed she’s wearing a charm bracelet, similar to one you had, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll just have to make it up to me then”

You tilt your head, “How?”

“Same time. Tomorrow”

You smiled at her eagerness, “Um…I’m not sure if I’ll be free, Kairi. I might have class…”

She squeezed your hand, “Regardless, I’ll be here. I have some work on my laptop…and I prefer to work out here, so…”

And that was it.

You rushed home to Jeongin, helping him get into the building, and he was intensely apologetic of cutting your plan short. He’d been standing on the porch steps, hands in his pockets, and a sheepish smile on his face, “Shit. I ruined your day, didn’t I?”

You shook your head, inserting your keys into the doorknob, “Not at all. I wasn’t going to let you stand out here in the cold. And are we still in the 18th century? You should talk to Mr. Kwon and have digital keypads put in or something. He loves you, so he’d listen to you”

He watched you from where he stood, arms crossed over his chest, “What happened today?”

You glanced back at him, “Sorry?”

“You haven’t had a proper conversation with me in days”

You stilled, not realising that you’d done so, you hadn’t meant to be so flippant, “Jeongin, I’m sorry, I…”

“You don’t need to apologise. It’s good. I like it. You seem chatty today”

You smiled, “Um. I just met a friend for coffee”

“Ah. Is that all it takes to win your heart?” 

You rolled your eyes, “Stop…”

“Is it the same friend that dropped you off the other day? That boy?”

Your eyes widened, “How do you know that? Have you been spying on me”

“You wish” He walked past you on the stairs, “That was an awkward kiss, Y/N. Haven’t your friends in the city taught you anything yet?” 

You gasped, following up after him, “What do you mean it was awkward?”

Jeongin laughed, stopping in front of his apartment door, “I’m kidding. Is that dude your boyfriend?”

You hugged your bag, leaning against the stairwell, “No… he’s just my friend from class”

Jeongin smiled, “I see…well, if you ever wanna hang out with someone not from your class…” He pointed to his door, “My doorbell’s right here”

Then he left, and you stood at the stairwell, a soft smile on your face. 

»»————-

The table by the window with the heart-shaped chairs was occupied. Kairi sat on one side, laptop before her, a cup of tea and a gochujang sandwich with the meat spilled out. The chair opposite her was empty, for you. She didn’t see you when you walked in, too busy typing super fast on the laptop. “No coffee today?” You asked, sitting down. 

She seemed surprised, cheeks dimpling as she smiled at you, looking away from her work, “You made it. How was class?”

You hung your scarf over the back of the pink seat, glancing outside. It could have been a beautiful afternoon, if the weather weren’t so dreary. “It was just work in studio time... I left early.”

“You’re kidding me. I feel special” She grinned, eyebrows raising teasingly. She is special. There’s something about her that’s changed the energy in you, making you get out of bed today.

“I didn’t want to keep you waiting” You admitted, folding your arms on the little table, “And I thought we could pick up where we left off. I was wondering about it all night”

“Hmm, right. You can text me too, you know?” She leaned forward, head in her hands, “You asked me a question yesterday. You still want to know?”

You’d asked her what Hyunjin had said about you, and you swallowed. Immediately there’s a damper in your mood, “I…I was just really curious, because…” What if he talked shit about you? What if all she knew about you were your flaws? Your gut hurt and you shook your head, “Actually, I don’t want to know, never mind”

She sensed the drop in you, “Don’t worry about that. You’re mine to know now”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…I want to know you on my own terms. Not through secondhand stories of your personality. We don’t need to talk about him, at all”

It’s like a weight lifted off your chest, “We don’t…?”

You don’t want your friendship with her to stem from Hyunjin, because…Hyunjin has given up on you. He’s lost all hope for the two of you, and you can’t let that taint this new beginning. In an ideal world, you could erase him from your mind, and nothing would be tainted by the beauty of his existence. He’s ruined everything for you, because the happiness of nothing can compare to him. 

You want the exclusivity of her. She wants to know you without the attached drama of broken hearts. You also want to know the real Kairi, without Chan, and it seems like she wants to know you too, without Hyunjin. 

“We don’t have to ever talk about him, if you don’t want to. I don’t want to spend all our time talking about boys anyway” She smiled, and it’s a relief. Your shoulders relax. You don’t want to relive the past like you did with Minnie and Jamie. 

You smiled too, “Well anyway…I see that you’re having tea today”

She laughed, a pleasant sound that calmed you, “Well, if we’re going to be doing this everyday, I have to start being more healthy”

“Everyday…?”

A single cup of coffee turned into a week’s worth. A week turned into a month, and quickly, it became obvious that she was your favourite person to hang out with in the city. Yeonjun was there, but he was different. Jeonghan and Minnie were closer to you everyday, but you only talked about art. Kairi and you talked about everything, and anything. Anything except him. She told you about her work, about the drama and the gossip with her coworkers. You told her about the movies Felix used to drag you to, and the music that played on repeat in Aera’s. You hadn’t made time for a movie since forever, so one day, she took you to the theater and instead of your routine coffee, you had soda.

You like to sketch while you talk, and she sits across you, finishing up her work. Her corporate job is tough, but you keep each other entertained. Your art still isn’t too inspired. You’re struggling, and you come home to an empty bed each night. There’s nights you get lost in the memories of summer, and there are mornings when you wake up from dreams of him. Sweet dreams. Dirty dreams. Beautiful, out-of reach dreams. In your dreams, he’s yours still.

All your afternoon naps remind you of him. Something about the sunlight, the warm wooden floors and you have an urge to be in his arms. So you stop sleeping during the day. In the moonlight and secrecy of your bed, you still touch yourself to thoughts of only one boy. You can’t help it.

All of the people who said time heals all wounds, were actually right. Each day, the burden is less. It feels like you were inching closer and closer to a state of not just being heartbroken. You had your moments though, like when Jeonghan would take you home after class, the skyscrapers would reflect onto the train windows, and you’d think of how prettier the blinding lights would be through Hyunjin’s eyes. Your own couldn’t capture the beauty he could see.

There’d be moments -- when someone in the coffee shop would order a vanilla iced latte with whipped cream and sprinkles, and your heart would skip a beat, wondering if he’d be on the other end of the counter to take it. But of course, Hyunjin could never walk into a crowded coffee shop in the middle of Seoul.  

On the other hand…Kairi and you are closer every day. The day you invited her to your apartment, she met Jeongin on the staircase, and she fawned over how contagious his smile was. She picked you up from the Atelier one day, and bumped into your friends from class, and she loved them too. She can be intimidating sometimes, with her classy clothes, bold personality…but she has endless love to give to everyone, and she’s not a fan of keeping it hidden. You love that the most about her. It’s easy to be happier around her. You wonder how her and Chan ever made it work. A love like theirs shouldn’t be behind closed doors. 

On a Thursday afternoon, you were none the wiser when she told you, “So…my birthday’s next week”

You spilled your coffee at the revelation, staring up at her in shock, “You’re telling me now?”

Her eyes widened at the reaction, and she pulled out a tissue from the dispenser to wipe the table clean as she laughed, “Why not?”

“That’s…not enough time”

“For?”

“I have to buy you a present”

She giggled, “A present? You don’t need to, Y/N”

You scoffed, and you’re so much more comfortable around her now, “I kind of have an obsessive problem when it comes to birthdays”

She shook her head, “You really don’t need to get me anything. Some of my friends from work are throwing a party, and I’d like you to be there. Obviously”

“A party?”

She smiled, “It’ll be fun. You can invite Jeonghan too. It won’t be too big a thing, but I’m guessing there’s gonna be a lot of plus-ones”

“Where is it?”

She smiled, sipping her coffee in between. She’d given up on tea after the first time, “So…there are these campgrounds outside Seoul. It’s a few hours from the city, it’s alongside the bank of the Han River. There’s a lot of…outdoorsy shit there, volleyball courts, barbecue grills, some cabins if anyone wants to stay overnight, canoes. I was thinking it’d be nice to go there.

“That…sounds amazing actually”

“I don’t know what to wear yet. Everybody’s going to be in swimsuits, since the river’s right there and my friends all love to go out on it, skinny dip and everything”

“Oh wow” You blinked, and Kairi’s friends sound as free-spirited as her, “Maybe…I could help you choose what to wear?”

She clapped her hands, a wide smile on her face and you love seeing her like this, “Perfect. I know what we’re doing tomorrow”

»»————-

The curtains of the trial room parted, and Kairi stepped out, doing a spin for you. The lights of the boutique are harsh, but Kairi looks amazing. She doesn’t dress up much — you’ve seen her entire range of dark sweaters, and graphic jackets over the weeks by now.

“Shit, you look amazing” You realised, eyes roaming her figure. A black bikini hugged her tightly, and it was the sexiest swimsuit you’d ever seen. Under the bust, two silver chains hugged her torso, sparkling under the store lights, wrapping around her navel too.

She had a smile on her lips, and she seemed satisfied with it too, “Is this the one?”

You’re in a cute boutique, it sells dresses and swimsuits and silver jewellery. It’s decorated prettily, and there’s not many people here because it’s not summer. It’s rapidly approaching winter, and in a few weeks, it’ll be Christmas. 

“It’s the one” You nodded, standing up to circle around her, “You look…gorgeous. Everybody will fall in love with you”

Her smile fell at those words.

You must have said the wrong thing, “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, “Chris would love it so much. He was always hyping me up, especially when I bought new clothes because I barely ever did”

She didn’t talk about him much. In fact, this was one of the first few times she brought him up. Every time she did talk about him, it was with confidence. They had broken up ages ago, but she was never angry about it. How does she possess such ease in her, to talk of a failed love? If it was so confident, why would it end?

With trepidation, you voiced your thoughts, “Can I…ask you what happened?” 

It was a shot in the dark, of course. She didn’t have to tell you the truth, and you could handle not knowing. She wasn’t surprised you’d asked. She just sat down on the boutique floor, stretching her legs onto the fluffy carpet, “Uh…it’s not that big of a deal”

You joined her, crossing your legs, touching her hand, “You can tell me, but only if you’re comfortable with that”

“Someone threatened to kill me” She chuckled.

“What?”

“It was probably an empty threat” She shrugged, “No big deal”

“But…why? What, I don’t understand?”

She tilt her head, “You know Yoko Ono?”

“John Lennon’s wife?”

She nodded, “After she got married to him, and The Beatles broke up…everybody blamed her for it. Apparently he was putting her before the music, and she was one of the reasons the band ended. Could you imagine how much people hated her? They singlehandedly blamed her for the breakup of…the most iconic band in the world”

Your brows furrowed, “But what has that got to do with you?” 

“A few months ago, a paparazzi spotted Chan…at a luxury store” She breathed in. Your heart skipped a beat, watching Kairi talk.

“I guess he was…looking at engagement rings. I don’t know for sure. Maybe he was buying something for himself” She breathed, “But after the news of that came out and people realised that the Bang Chan may be getting married…”

“Oh…”

“People think I’m gonna be the Yoko Ono here” She forced a smile, “That he’s gonna get caught up in this relationship, and not pay attention to their music. That he’ll choose me over the fame”

“Kairi…I’m so sorry” You traced a soothing circle on her skin, but you had goosebumps from just listening to her, “That’s fucking unfair”

“Anyway, those pictures were the beginning of the threats. I wasn’t too concerned…because honestly, Chris is the only thing that mattered to me, if he was happy, if he was okay. As long as he was good, I would be too. But Pegasus thought they were real. And Chris…he was scared for me”

“I’d be scared too”

She let out another scoff, but she was shaking, and you could tell how much this bothered her, “So instead of marrying the love of my life…we broke up.”

Your chest wrenched, “I’m…so sorry, Kairi”

She nodded, head bending down, and squeezed your hand, “I’m sorry too. It’s stupid that the entire life me and him had planned together may not ever happen because of a few threats posted online by losers. Maybe they were real though. I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know”

“Couldn’t the company do something about it?”

She scoffed, “The company won’t do shit. They can protect Chris all they want, but they’d never step up to protect his partner. Their entire image revolves around them being single…and available. Sex sells. Their sex appeal is more important to them than his life” 

It wasn’t a competition, but her heartbreak was much worse than yours. She had everything, and then she lost it. You mumbled, and you hurt for her, “It’s…not fair at all”

“Yeah. Anyway, me and Chris weren’t getting along towards the end of that. We disagreed on a lot of shit.” She nodded, lifting her head up to meet yours, “The breakup was hard on the others too. Especially Hyunjin, he…” She paused, “It’s almost like he took it personally” 

The name sang to your heart, coursing through your veins like lifeblood, making your pulse quicker. “He loved the two of you together” You ended up saying. 

Kairi smiled at you, “He tell you about us?”

“Yeah…he said I’d really love you”

She smiled, eyes crinkling, “He was clearly right about that” 

“Can I… ask you something?” You said, and she nodded, “Do you ever think you’ll get back together?”

She smiled, “I mean, I can hope, but unfortunately…the decision would have to lie with Chris. If things go wrong, he could lose everything. I would lose nothing…except him. So in the end, it’s up to him. Right now, I think it’s impossible. In summer, a news website threatened to publish about our relationship. Chris isn’t equipped to deal with the fallout that comes with that”

“Oh…I’m sorry”

She took another breath, “Um, we should probably get off the floor before the employees sees us. It’s your turn to try on a bikini anyway”

You couldn’t understand where she conjured up all her positivity from, and you shook your head once you realised what she’d said, “Oh, no Kairi, I have a swimsuit already”

She shrugged, tugging your arm to make you stand up, “You’re going to get a new one though. It’s my birthday, you have to”

“But…” You protested, as she lightly shoved you towards the rack. Tons of bikinis hung on it, ranging from all different styles and colors. Ombre, mismatched, bejeweled. “I don’t know…” You touched the material of a blue one, wondering how you’d pick one.

“How about this lilac?” She asked, pulling a set out. It was too sexy, and too out there. It was the kind of thing Hana would force you to wear. Kairi must have noticed the drop in your expression, because she spoke, “Actually, I’m sure we can find another one”

After some looking around and a lot of nudges from her, you settled on a red bikini set. It was…beautiful. It looked like a thing you’d see on a model in a catalogue. There were metal hearts instead of strings, on either side of the underwear. You’d never be one for vanity, but right now…you could stare at yourself for hours. It fit you perfectly, like nothing else ever had, almost as if it was made for just your body, nobody else’s. When you stepped out, Kairi was patiently waiting on the ottoman. She was rocking her heels back and forth, and she still hadn’t changed out of her final pick, “Holy shit” She grinned, “We’re…gonna look so fucking hot!”

You giggled, “You’re looking forward to it, right? I wanna help your friends plan it too, if that’s okay”

She pulled you into a hug, warm arms enveloping around you. You were still in your swimsuits with the tags on, but you melted into her embrace as she mumbled, “Of course that’s okay! Plus, you’re gonna be there …so I’m not worried about anything”

»»————-

The campgrounds were beautiful, and the party was in full swing. Green grass stretched for miles, running alongside the Han river. Bordering on the outskirts of Seoul, it was far from all the noise, the pollution, and the constant ringing of the sirens. They weren’t just normal campgrounds though. Instead of cabins, there were little glass houses, hidden beneath trees with floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out onto the river, which people could book for vacation rentals all year round. Everything in the city was more boujee. Even nature. It’s like the city folk had figured a way to camp without the mosquitos and the discomfort and glamorised it, fit for celebrities and socialites.

A volleyball court was constructed on a stretch of sand, and a wooden dock extended onto the river, canoes attached to it that anybody could borrow. Pink and yellow inflatables floated down the water, occupied by some of Kairi’s friends who were already so drunk and it was only midday. 

Pretty lanterns hung across poles, the only lighting for this place, and even a freaking DJ booth was set up by the bonfire. It all had a modern festival vibe, and Kairi told you that this place usually booked a lot of small rock gigs over weekends. The campgrounds were public, but she had rented out an area for the day. Her friends from work were originally supposed to be planning everything, but you were also helping them now. For someone who hated parties, you sure loved planning them. It was a perfect distraction, from the stress of classes. The venue for Felix’s birthday had been naturally beautiful, but it couldn’t compare to the extravagance of the city.

You’d driven up here in the early hours of the morning, and Jeonghan had been a boon. He’d helped you unload the crate of beers from his car, loading them into ice-cold pink coolers you’d situated every few metres across the riverbank. It was a hotter day than usual, despite the city being on the brink of imminent snowfall, so cold drinks…were a must.  

Most people had arrived at the campgrounds in the late afternoon, checking in at the front-desk before making their way towards the river. Kairi had a ton of friends, most of them from work, and you weren’t the corporate type, so you maintained a little distance, choosing to be orchestrating everything behind the scenes more. That’s why you were at the barbecue right now, grilling meat for some hotdogs.

Jeonghan had long abandoned you. His red swim shorts are easy to spot, and the official dress code of this party was just swimwear. He was supposed to be helping you cook but he was stretched out on the riverbank, sketching instead. He must have been really inspired, and from where you stood, you could see him with his feet up in the sky, nose buried in a little sketchbook. It was sweet of him to come, and he was the only person you knew, so you were grateful that he was here. 

A frisbee whizzed past you, and you looked up to see Kairi giggling. “Shit! I almost hit you, didn’t I?” She looked beautiful, and the silver chains on her swimsuit sparkled in the sun as she ran around the grass, indulged in a serious game of frisbee with her friends. You smiled back at her, “I’ll forgive you, but only because it’s your birthday”

Ever since she’d told you the truth of what went down between her and Chan, you’d grown fonder of her, and almost protective in a sense. She was so much stronger than you, and you could learn a little from her in terms of positivity. She had introduced you to all her friends, but they were too many names for you to remember. Sohee, Jinsoo, Eric, etc. You’d assigned yourself to the snacks, not feeling too confident in greeting her guests. 

“Do you want it crispy all the way through?” You called out to her, pork belly sizzling against the pan as you tossed it. This made you feel useful. It was better to not let your mind wander, instead you filled it with little responsibilities such as this.

She ran up to the grill, frisbee still in her hands, “Why are you all the way over here?”

You gestured to the barbeque, and the plates of snacks, “Somebody’s got to feed your guests”

“They can feed themselves, Y/N. We should go in the river while the sun is still out!” She grabbed your arm, and started leading you away from the barbecue, “I’m sure Nate can take over anyway” 

You weren’t going to argue with that. You’d missed swimming, and being in the water, so, you let her pull you into the river. In the cold water, surrounded by nature on all sides, it almost felt like home. Kairi swam over to you, a big smile on her face, “Fuck. The sun feels so good” 

You drifted closer, smiling, “I’m glad you’re happy. It’s kind of your day, you should be” 

“I’m really, really fucking grateful that dude spilled a drink on me and we met in that club bathroom…”

You laughed, clasping your hand with hers as you swam in the water together, “Well. I’m sure there’s nicer ways for us to meet”

She rolled her eyes, “No, are you kidding? That was the best one. I needed someone like you in my life”

You giggled, “Someone like me?”

“We haven’t even know each other that long, if you think about it. Honestly, I never even thought you’d text me back, because…of him” She paused, “But I think you sacrifice your peace for others, and…I don’t know anyone else like you”

You swallowed, and you didn’t want to get emotional in the middle of the river, “Kairi…tell me you didn’t bring me in the water just to make me cry”

“Actually” She corrected herself, a small chuckle following, “I did know one person like you”

You don’t have to probe to know she’s talking about Chan.

“You remind me of him. As crazy as that sounds” She hummed. 

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you” You apologised, and you were caressing her shoulder now, rubbing it.

She wrapped her arms around your waist, and her body felt warm against yours, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m sorry I keep bringing him up. It’s like second nature for me. Does the same ever happen with you…?”

There can’t be a better day than today for you to move on, so you forced a smile, “No. I don’t think of Hyunjin anymore. It’s in the past…” It’s a complete lie, but one day, you’re hoping it will come true. Kairi doesn’t know everything that happened in the end and she doesn’t need too. She doesn’t know he gave up on you, all she knows…is that you don’t talk anymore. 

Resignation settled in her gaze, “So…you’re completely okay with him?”

You nodded, “Yup. Anyway, um I don’t know about you but… I’m starving. Should we get the hotdogs?”

Kairi blinked but didn’t question your change of topic, “Sure. That’d be perfect”

You waded out of the water, jumping back onto the riverbank, and the air was prickly cold, but the sun was still warm in the sky. The DJ booth set up in the distance had a party playlist on repeat, and tons of people were dancing, some of Kairi’s friends, some just locals who were enjoying this area. The water droplets on your skin looked like glitter, and you ran over to the barbecue grill, dripping wet. Kairi’s friends, Sohee and Eric were indulging in a platter of pork ribs and grilled chicken, perched on a picnic table. They smiled at you as you approached them, “The water nice?”

You nodded, hugging yourself, “Mmh, you guys should get in while it’s still warm! If you guys don’t mind…could I please borrow a plate for Kairi?”

“Of course. Help yourself” Sohee smiled, black sunglasses resting on her head, and she was in a white one-piece swimsuit, “You’re…Kairi’s artist friend, aren’t you? We’ve heard a lot about you”

You laughed, flushing, “I hope good things”

Eric laughed, “You bet. Hey, we’re playing volleyball later, if you wanna join?”

You grabbed a plate of the sausages and bulgogi, “That sounds cool. I’m a terrible shot but I might join!” They laughed and you picked up some disposable cutlery, heading back to Kairi.

She was out of the water now, sunbathing on the grass and Jeonghan sat at her side. 

“I got you some meat” You handed her the plate, balancing it on her stomach. Her arms were stretched behind her head, and she squinted under the sun at you, “Thanks, baby”

The term of endearment brought a flush up your chest, and you sat cross-legged next to her. It was crazy how fast you’d grown fond of each other, as if you were always destined to be such good friends. As you ate off her plate, Jeonghan brought you a couple of drinks. It seemed like he’d finally abandoned his sketchbook in favour of enjoying the place around him. Jeonghan yawned loudly, “This weather makes me want to take a nap”

“Well, I really don’t mind if you do” Kairi suggested to him.

Jeonghan laughed, “Really? I wouldn’t be the lamest person at this party?” 

“You won that title hours ago” You joked. Jeonghan gasped dramatically, and lightly shoved you, “It’s rude that you’re not my self-proclaimed hype girl”

You pushed your sunglasses up your head, staring at him and trying not to laugh, “I’m sorry…your what?”

He blew a puff of air, and laid his head on your lap, “You know…I’m like always hyping you up in class. Making you laugh when you’re miserable—no offence— and even rescuing you from pathetic blind dates. You’re not gonna do the same for me?” He bit into a sausage, sauce smeared across his lips.

“You’re such a messy eater” You commented.

His eyes were closed and he smiled, “You can lick it off me, if it’s bothering you”

Kairi sat up, laughing, “What is going on with you two?”

You shook your head, “Nothing. He flirts with me when he’s drunk”

It was rapidly approaching nightfall, and that’s what you hated the most about winter: shorter days, longer nights. The sun set behind the forest, settling warm rays on your skin, drying the water from your swim off.

You smiled, indulging in this moment, wishing every day could be the same. You were in a beautiful place, with new friends and this could be your blank slate. Tonight could mark what you and Kairi had talked about – a real, fresh start. For the first time in weeks, your chest didn’t hurt. 

»»————-

You knew you were terrible at coordinated sports, and it became obvious to everyone else too when you missed the fifth volleyball headed your way. Eric on the other team, did a fist-bump with his teammate at your loss, and Sohee sighed, “Just catch one, Y/N!”

You threw your hands up, a giggle escaping you, “You guys asked me to join. I told you I’m horrible at this stuff!” There were two teams, and the one with you was… horribly failing. Nobody took it too seriously so it was okay, it was for fun. It was just insane to you that you were playing volleyball next to the freaking river with strangers in Seoul. If past you found out about it, she’d absolutely freak out. You were counting every blessing, grateful to be here in the city, and you were making the most of tonight. You’d made Jeonghan join with you, and he was on the other team. Kairi was somewhere by the bonfire, dancing, and you could her loud singing along all the way over here.

“Just try to catch this next one, okay?” Jeonghan called at you over the net. 

You were horrible at bowling too, but Seungmin had taught you once and after that you hadn’t been half as bad. All you had to do was focus, and channel all your built-up energy into shooting the ball, not get distracted by every other thing happening. You’d seen Sohee shoot enough successful ones to try to imitate her. So, you stepped up, rooting your feet in the sand, and she was cheering you on in the background. You didn’t even know her, so it was funny that she cared this much. 

Jeonghan across the fence tossed the ball towards you. You don’t know what prompted you to jump, and this time you actually hit it with all the energy you could muster, your fist making contact with the ball, and it shocked Jeonghan so much that he forgot to serve entirely. “Are you kidding me?” He cried, crawling under the net to run up to you. He pulled you into a hug, arms wrapping around your body, “I knew you had it in you! All you needed was a little bit of humiliation to get you there”

“I barely hit!” You giggled, hugging him back, and his torso was warm to the touch, “And you’re supposed to be on the other team, but…thanks”

He rolled his eyes, holding you tight in his grip, “I’ll gladly let you win any day”

He was so touchy tonight. It must be the mix of alcohol, adrenaline and being away from the stresses of the art studio. His hand lingered on your waist, drifting close to your ass but you didn’t stop him. It was silly because you weren’t even into sports, you didn’t care about this volleyball game, but you were smiling widely, and it wasn’t forced. 

Jeonghan let go of you, steadying you on the sand, and in your happy daze, you got up on your toes and kissed him, threading your hands through his hair. It was frizzy from the wind, and you settled on the nape of his neck. He smiled into the kiss, pressing your body to his, and he was only in his little swim-shorts, and you were only in your bikini so most of your skin touched his. It was a strange feeling, to be so physically close to somebody who wasn’t Hyunjin, but that would never happen again, and to curb the hurt, you kissed him deeper.

Sohee was laughing in the background, “You guys know the game isn’t over yet, right?” 

This kiss didn’t mean anything, yet it meant everything. It meant that you could let go. Hyunjin didn’t want you in his life, and one day you’d be okay with that. Right now, you had to live in this moment. You wound your arms tighter around Jeonghan’s neck, and you kissed him deeply, and he was probably surprised that you were giving in so much, because he knew this wasn’t anything special. You surprised yourself too. 

Kairi calling your name is what made you pull away from him, cheeks flushed with adrenaline. She was walking over to you, and you ran up to her, across the makeshift volleyball court, “Babe! Did you see me hit that ball?”

She looked like she’d seen a ghost though, and she reached for your hand, “Y/N. I need you, please”

“Wait, what’s wrong?” You frowned, stepping out with her.

She was fumbling over her words, “He’s here. Y/N. He’s here” Her eyes were wide in despair. She looked like she was going to cry, staccato mumbling, “I don’t know what to do” 

You grabbed her arm, pulling her away from the game, You’d never seen her in such a state, “Kairi, please calm down. Who’s here? What’s going on?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, a tear spilling out, “Chan…Chan is here”

Fucking hell.

“Hey, hey, hey. Kairi, I need you to calm down, okay?”

Your heart had dropped into your gut, but you had to be there for her. She was breathing heavy, and her eyes were filling up with tears, smudging her mascara and her silver eyeliner, “I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him, I’ll end up doing something stupid, like kiss him or something”

You grabbed her gently by the shoulders, so she could look only at you and not be stimulated by the rest of the party, “I’m gonna handle it, okay? Kairi. I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to do anything”

Her eyes were wide, “What? You will? Are…are you sure?”

“Of course. It’s Chris, I got this” You held her chin, fingers caressing her jaw, “Today is your day. I don’t want you to stress about anything”

She let out a breath, a tear escaping, “Thank you, Y/N. I’m sorry, I just got really overwhelmed, I wasn’t expecting to see him and…I don’t know if he knows I’m even here”

“What do you want me to say to him?”

“Just…don’t send him away. I don’t want him to get hurt. But please…find out why he’s here. I’m so…fucking confused. Why today? What does he want?”

“I’ll talk to him” You looked around, eyes landing on a concerned Jeonghan. He was still playing the game, but his focus was on the two of you, “Can you go hang out with Jeonghan till then?”

She nodded absentmindedly, seemingly so lost, “Thank you...Fuck, I just…don’t know how to deal with this right now”

“Jeonghan?” You called out, and it only took him a second to abandon the game and run up to you. His eyes observed Kairi’s fragile state, “What’s up? Is everything okay?” 

“Can you take her to the dock? I’ll catch you there in a bit, okay?”

He glanced at her, no questions asked, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Of course, no problem” He smiled at you, a dazzling grin that told you he’d take care of it, “Catch you in a few” 

Then he took her away, leading her towards the other side of the campgrounds. The dock was nearer to the woods, hidden between the trees and the rocks, away from Chan. You’re sure the physical distance from the rest of the party would help Kairi calm a bit. You glanced at the volleyball game. They were all standing and waiting for you. Sohee had her hands on her hips, “You coming back?”

“I’m gonna have to ditch the game, sorry! Win for me, okay?” You shot her a smile.

“We’re gonna kick your ass, Y/N!” Eric yelled across. You laughed, waving them a goodbye as you walked over to the bonfire. That’s where Kairi said she saw him. You couldn’t understand. Why would Chan be here, and how had he heard about this party? Things between them had long ended, and there was no logical reason for him to come here suddenly. You were proud of yourself for staying calm though. Kairi was what mattered tonight, and you could easily deal with her ex.

There was a dance party situation happening around the fire. Everyone had congregated near it, and the DJ had long given up on playing good songs, settling for dance club music instead. From here, you could see the bonfire. One of Kairi’s friends, Jinsoo ran up to you, “Y/N, hey! Do you know where the rest of the beer is?’

You stopped to explain, you’d somehow become the unofficial host for this party and everyone must have noticed how close you and Kairi were. “Um, it should be in a pink cooler. We unloaded near the cabins”

“Great, thanks!” She smiled at you, running back there. Your eyes scanned the crowd around the fire. The sand here was warm, and it felt so good between your toes. Everybody was drinking, and dancing, making it harder for you to find him. You’d never seen Chan in person, but you’d seen so many pictures of him. It’d be second nature to recognise him. 

Then, you spotted a boy by the fire, gaze frantically looking around the campgrounds, and you stepped up to him, making your way through the people dancing.

He was in a black sweatshirt, and dark jeans and he stood out, surrounded by girls in bright-colored bikinis, and boys in expensive swim-shorts. There was no telling from his stature that he was someone famous, which is probably why none of the guests were giving him a second look. You wonder if any of Kairi’s friends had ever known about their relationship. You weren’t nervous about this interaction, even though you should be. This was Hyunjin’s best friend. Why were you not freaking out? Maybe because you’d do anything to make sure Kairi had a good night.

“Chris?” You asked, voice low. You didn’t want to spook him.

At hearing his name, he turned to face you. Your heart jumped at the sight. He was beautiful in person. None of the pictures could do him justice. In the pictures, he had stage makeup and styled hair. Right now, natural curls fell into his face, and he looked so simple, like any other guy you’d pass by on the street.

“Hey. You’re Chris, right?” You spoke, and the only thing making you nervous was him looking right into your eyes, “I’m uh…I’m one of Kairi’s friends.” It was best to not say your name. His gaze was…very intense but you had to keep cool for her, so you smiled. A genuine, warm, smile. 

The tension in his shoulders dissipated as understanding settled in his face, and he stepped up to you, clearing his throat, “Hey. Um, I go by Chan actually”

“Chan…” You repeated, smiling at him, fiddling with your fingers, “I wasn’t really expecting you to show up”

He sighed, hands in his pockets, “I know… I’m not on the guest list” 

“She didn’t know you’re coming tonight” 

“I wasn’t planning to” He answered, taking in another breath, and his voice was shaky, “I came straight from the studio. I drove…three straight hours to get here, on a whim. I know I’m not dressed for the party, but I need to see her right now”

Oh, wow… You hope you didn’t sound rude but this was in her best interest, so you said, “I’m sorry…I don’t know how to say this… but she’s not feeling great about this. How did you even know about the party?”

He was about to answer but it’s like he couldn’t find the words, struggling. Had he come here just to wish her for her birthday? It was hugely romantic, but there must be more he wanted to say.  What would make him drive all the way here?

“Channie, she is not by the cabins either!” Someone yelled out.

You would recognize that voice anywhere.

Your heart stopped beating.

Within seconds, somebody came running up through the shadows of the trees. The air left your body, and you couldn’t breathe.

Hyunjin.

He stepped out into the light and all of the noise around you died. 

The waves of the river were suddenly quiet, the forest was mute, the music was silent. Only your pulse ringing in your ears.

He was here. He was here. He was here.

Immediately, his gaze landed on you, and he stopped still in his footsteps. 

There was no hiding his surprise. There was no pretending, or feigning of emotions. His mouth parted, eyebrows shooting up, eyes wide as he saw you. 

Vision blackening, clouding, blurring, you could only see him in the centre, and your gut started squeezing you from the inside out. 

Dark hair tied up into a bun, half of it hanging to his shoulders, he looked like he always did. Fucking unreal. He was dressed so simply, black sweater blending into the darkness. He got prettier each time you laid eyes on him. So fucking beautiful and you hated him for it.

His eyes were on yours, thick lips parted in shock, and it was cruel how your heart leapt out of your chest, as if you hadn’t been training to tame it all this while. The last time you saw him… flashed through your mind, memories pricking at you like a hundred thousand needles stabbing into your body. He left you, before you even had a chance. He didn’t even know you loved him.

You’d been trying so hard to move on, but here he fucking was, the one place you didn’t think he could be.

But you needed to be strong, for Kairi. This was all for her, and she was your saving grace. So you looked away from him, even if it took all of your fucking willpower. Your gaze found Chan, and suddenly the noises were back. The party was raging, the river was loud, the forest full of cacophony. Chan was saying your name repeatedly, and you’d tuned out completely. So had Hyunjin it seemed…because he snapped back to reality, a click going off in his head, and turned to his friend.

Chan stepped closer to you, “You’re Y/N…?”

You nodded, no words escaping at him recognising you. You’d been recognised. Of course you had. You and Hyunjin had been fucking staring at each like fools. It was a dead giveaway.

“I need to see her, Y/N.”

You ignored the peripheral gaze burning in the side of your face. Don’t fucking look at him. You stared right at Chan, “Chan, I can’t…”

“There’s something I need to say to her…and after that I’ll leave, I promise you” There was desperation in his voice, one you’d felt all these months.

It was the most difficult thing to not look at Hyunjin, when he was fucking staring at you. He’d always had your entire attention, any room he was in but right now you couldn’t afford to do that. It was so hard for you to ignore him, but it had been so easy for him before. You could do that to him too.

“I don’t know. She’s…really upset” You turned around, glancing over at the dock, then back at him, “Why tonight? She wants to talk to you, but—”

“I know you’re just trying to do right by her. Something I should have been doing all this time” He closed his eyes, “I understand if you’re gonna ask me to leave, but I promise you. If she says she doesn’t wanna see me, I’ll walk right out.”

You shook your head, guilt overwhelming you, “Chan—”

He continued speaking over you, “But if you’ve ever been in love, or…or loved someone, you’d understand why this is so fucking important to me”

You stared at him, lost for words. If you’d ever been in love…?

Hyunjin’s gaze on you was stronger than ever. It burned you.  

He had said nothing this whole time. What was he thinking? You wanted to climb into his brain, read his mind and know what he thought of this question. Did Hyunjin have any fucking idea how much you loved him? You were so stupid crazy in love, you missed his silence too. And did Chan even understand the significance of what he was asking you? All of your emotions were cascading on top of each other, and the sane part of you was drowning in the waves. It was hard to speak, but you finally found the words, “She’s… by the docks. You can find her there”

They were the right words because Chan’s eyes lit up instantly, a smile spreading on his face, and he was beautiful like this, a warmth and comfort emanating from him. He was prettier when happy, and it looked like he couldn’t believe you’d said yes, “Thank you. Shit, thank you, Y/N. You’re an angel” He turned to Hyunjin, “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Hyunjin asked him. His voice sent shivers down your spine.

“No, I…got this” Chan swallowed, and he suddenly looked nervous and doubtful of this.

Hyunjin stepped close to him, voice dropping, “It’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine”

Chan nodded, eyes closed, “I’m just…fucking anxious. What if she asks me to leave?”

“Channie” Hyunjin repeated, in a low voice, hand landing on his shoulder, “I’m right here if you need me, okay?”

He took a deep breath, and Hyunjin pulled him into a half-hug. You stood by, unsure what to do, staring at them. You were still trying to wrap your head around whatever the fuck was happening right now. In seconds, Chan took off towards the dock, where you’d told him Kairi was. You watched his retreating figure, hoping you made the right choice. He seemed genuinely apologetic, for whatever had went down between him and her. 

His departure… left you and Hyunjin by the bonfire. Just by yourselves. So, you finally looked at him.

He was staring at you. 

In the glow of the embers, Hyunjin looked almost sinister, he looked dangerous in the way that you wanted him, even now. Dark shadows cutting across his face, he’d only grown more into the version of him you’d ran into the storage closet. Taller stature, stronger arms, piercing gaze.

You suddenly felt conscious…being in this tiny swimsuit, and your arms came up around yourself to cover up somehow. It hurt too much to see him this close, after everything that had happened. You’d been giving up your soul to forget him, and he’d just decided to show up, now? It was unfair. You had to be the bigger person here, and you were going to leave. You didn’t owe him a conversation, not after he’d shown you how easy it was for him to forget all about existence.

So, you turned to walk away, but then Hyunjin spoke, “I didn’t know you were going to be here”

At first, you almost didn’t hear him, over the music, over the laughter, over the river. You stopped in your tracks, squeezing your eyes shut, wishing he’d never spoken. 

You didn’t look at him as you mumbled, “Yeah…you wouldn’t be here if you knew”

It came out more venomous than you wanted, and you didn’t wait to see his reaction. But he asked you, “What are you doing here then?”

You turned to look at him, and fuck it hurt every bit of you. You hope you had a stable tone, arms crossed across your chest, because how the hell could he ask you that? “I’m… kind of the host”

His eyes widened, genuine surprise in it, “You are…?”

Well, he would’ve known that if he’d let you be in his life. Why had he pushed you away? Why had he not even tried to keep in touch with you? Was cutting off all contact the only way he knew how? 

“I have to go” You mumbled, feeling hurt all over again, “There’s drinks in the corner if you want”

Hyunjin began to say something, but he was stopped because somebody yelled your name, interrupting whatever he could have said. What was Hyunjin going to say?   

Jeonghan ran over to you, laughing, oblivious to everything around him, “You know Sohee’s going around saying you abandoned her during the game?"

You blinked, looking up at him, “She knew we weren’t going to win anyway”

He laughed loudly, and he was clearly tipsy by the way he talked, “What can I say? You’re a very wanted woman tonight, like five people stopped to ask me where you were. Also, you do remember that you’re the only person I know at this party? You can’t just leave me alone. I might actually end up missing you”

“Right, I forgot” You stifled a smile, “I was doing something for Kairi. Speaking of which…you left her alone?”

“I’m sorry…” He sighed, “There was this dude that wanted to talk to her…she asked me to leave them. And, I did not come tonight to babysit her. I’ve only met her like one time!” 

You laughed, “Really? It is her birthday, Nate. What did you come here for then? ”

He shook his head, smiling, “Oh, being coy suits you, Y/N. It’s sexy”

“What?” You laughed. Before you could even register it, he wrapped his arms around you, picking you up in a little spin and twirl. A surprised noise escaped you, and your hands came to brace yourself against his bare chest. He was grinning at you, completely oblivious to the fact that someone was watching you. You almost forgot where you were, and who was watching, a giggle escaping you. “Nate—” You mumbled, pulling away, hands on his chest.  

“What?” He frowned, and only then he saw Hyunjin standing there, watching all of this take place. “Oh…hey, man” Jeonghan smiled at him, “Wow…you are way too overdressed for this party. Take your shirt off or something”

Hyunjin’s gaze was on the arm around your waist. There was an unrecognisable emotion in his eyes. You’d seen jealousy on him before and this wasn’t it. This… was something else entirely. An emotion so intense that you felt scared of what he was holding inside.

He was frowning, furrow in his forehead, and then he glanced at you, a sudden indifference in his voice, “Where did you say the drinks were again?”

You swallowed, “By the cabins…”

“Oh, I can show you” Jeonghan offered, and you wish he wasn’t so nice to everybody.

Hyunjin’s brows shot up at the suggestion, and you were afraid he’d say something mean, but of course Hyunjin wasn’t mean, so he forced a smile, “Cool. Sure”

Jeonghan began walking away with him, and your grip on his hand was tight, you yanked him back, whispering, “What do you think you’re doing?”

He smiled, whispering back, “Relax. Just showing some hospitality. Also I think that guy’s famous”

You sighed, closing your eyes, because he was impossible to argue with, “Fine, but…get me a drink too”

“Will do” He grinned, leaning in to kiss your cheek. You watched them walk away, and you could hear Jeonghan say, “I’m Nate by the way, only she’s allowed to call me Jeonghan. Don’t ask me why though” 

You couldn’t pick up on what Hyunjin said in response and you itched to know, but…you had to hold back. You stood still, feet rooted to the sand as Jeonghan led Hyunjin to the cabins, and the coolers that lay there, filled with beers. You couldn’t watch for long, because somebody grabbed your arm, turning you around, “Why are you by yourself?” Sohee, from the volleyball game asked, “Come on, you can dance with us!”

“I’m not in the mood, sorry” You apologised, walking away from the fire. What would they talk about? You hope Jeonghan didn’t bring up how miserable and depressed you’d been this whole time. Would Hyunjin talk about youto him? Would he ask him what you and Jeonghan were? Did he…even care?

Sohee laughed, “What? Shut up. You’re dancing with us. You already ditched us in the game”

“I think I’m just gonna go get a drink” You tried to decline, as politely as you could, without being a spoilsport or a downer. She stopped you, hand on your wrist, “What’s wrong?”

“I just…don’t wanna dance. I’m sorry” You gently pulled your arm out of her grip, walking nearer to the river. You could already feel it. All of the progress you’d made all these months was reversing. You were going back in time against your will. What had all this happiness been for, if it was just going to be ripped from you in an instant? How could you ever fucking say you moved on when seeing him for a second changed your mind? 

You thought you were stronger than this, but you were so fucking weak, falling back into an emotion you didn’t need. Self-loathing and sadness and wishing you were enough for him was staring you in the eyes, and you thought you’d left it all behind. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. You…had plans, to feel better, to move the fuck on. Kairi and Chan were nowhere to be seen, and it was past midnight already. She hadn’t even cut the birthday cake yet. You’d made Jeonghan drive you all the way to that special bakery for nothing. Why would Chan show up uninvited on such a special night? Why the fuck would he bring Hyunjin with him?

You ran your hands over your face. Every breath was harder to catch, and you felt like you’d pass out if you stayed standing. A tear slipped into your mouth, and you tasted the glitter mascara that Kairi had put on you. Kairi. You were going to find her…and you’d make sure she still had a good night, regardless of her ex gatecrashing the fucking party. Chan was a lovely person, you’re sure he was, but this was not the time. If he wanted to come so bad, he should’ve just come alone and not brought Hyunjin.

You looked back towards the fire, where Sohee was twirling around with the others, laughing loudly, so drunk and so happy. Jeonghan was back there too, he stood watching the girls dance, but Hyunjin wasn’t with him.

Did he leave? Where was he?

Your eyes scanned the crowd so fast, trying to place him amongst the crowd. 

“I thought you hate beer”

You jumped, startled by the sound. 

Hyunjin stood behind you, holding a beer bottle in his hand, extended out to you. How had you missed him walking over to you?

“What?” 

He seemed confused, hand outstretched, “You…hated beer, right?”

“What are you doing?”

He shrugged, nonchalant, “You asked Nate to bring you a drink. He…wanted to dance instead, he asked me to bring it to you”

You laughed, bitterly, “And what, you work for him now?” 

Why the fuck would he willingly approach you? After forcing you to get out of his life? Pretending like everything was normal? Acting like he hadn’t devastated you entirely, and broken you down. He didn’t even apologise for the way he’d kissed you and pushed you away. He still didn’t fucking realise what he meant to you, and he never would.

Hyunjin’s tongue poked his cheek, and he said, “No. I was trying to be away from the crowd”

You released a breath, “Well, congratulations, now you are. I’m gonna go”

“Wait—” He called out.

You stopped, “What, Hyunjin?”

He swallowed, “Aren’t you gonna take your drink?”

You should walk away from this conversation right fucking now, but you felt angry. Did he know you’d been suffering so much because of him? Did he know you’d given up on love and resigned yourself to a miserable fucking existence, because of him? How could he act so normal? 

“You know what?” You forced a smile, “You can have it. You’ve already ruined tonight for Kairi. You might as well for me too”

“Excuse me?” His features contorted into a frown, as if he couldn’t believe you were bringing it up, “It wasn’t my idea to show up here”

“So what…you came as moral support or something?”

“Chan needed me” He stated, with finality.

“Well” You laughed, “You’re a great friend then. Are you even allowed to be at this party? Isn’t that gonna be a problem for you?”

His lips were in a thin line, “You’re angry”

“No” You laughed, so bitter, so petty, “Just concerned. Actually I am gonna take that drink” You grabbed it out of his hands, pulling with more force than needed, making sure none of your fingers touched any of his. Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed, and he would hate you now if he didn’t already, but that was fine. He didn’t want you anyway.

Jeonghan’s yell interrupted you two, “Y/N! Come on. It’s your favourite song!”

You turned back to them, realising that indeed a song you’d liked in a club once was playing. It wasn’t your favourite song, far from it, but you wanted to be away from Hyunjin. You were losing yourself so near him.

So you glanced at Hyunjin, lifted the beer bottle to your lips, and drops of alcohol dripped down your neck and chest, into your bikini top, messily, “Thanks for the drink”

Jeonghan basically pulled you into the circle, as the chorus came on. You let him. You chugged the rest of the beer, because there was no way you were doing this sober anymore. Jeonghan was fucking tipsy, so he spun you around, and if it wasn’t for his arm around you, you’d fall over into the sand. Somebody handed you a shot of tequila, and you drank that too. The music was loud enough so you couldn’t think, EDM beats playing over and over, making your heart vibrate against your ribs. You wanted to laugh, because everything was so horrible. Sohee was a good hype girl, cheering on for you, grinding her hips against a taller boy, and everyone was lost in the music.

As the song picked up tempo, your hands met Jeonghan’s and he helped you move with an exhilarating speed and you couldn’t even breathe, head spinning. He wasn’t a great dancer, but he was holding you tight, moving your body against his, and it was good to feel desired, “You look so fucking sexy” Jeonghan mumbled into your ear, “You should wear pink more often”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s red…Nate”

“Huh. Maybe I should get a closer look at it then”

“What?” You laughed as he suddenly leaned in, kissing your neck, and collarbones. His other hand dropped to your ass, squeezing it tightly. You couldn’t find it in you to feel shy because nobody was looking at you anyway. Everybody was too busy dancing, or too drunk. Hyunjin had probably realised his mistake and long left. You hope he’d fucking left. You didn’t want to see him again tonight. In the centre of the circle, Jeonghan was bent over you, pressing kisses to your body. Your arms rest on his biceps, as he kissed your neck, “You’re so beautiful when you laugh. I wish you were happier like this more often”

Oh, the irony. If only he knew you’d never been this sad in your life before. Knowing Hyunjin was here, so close yet so far. He was here, but he wasn’t here with you. What was the point…of anything? Weeks and months of moving on. Everything was useless. Hyunjin had to be there, everytime, haunting you like a demon, following in your shadows for the rest of your life. 

“Y/N…” Jeonghan asked, head buried in your neck, realising you were standing still, deadweight, “What’s wrong?”

You’d gone on a date, you had a friend you casually made out with, you were in the best art studio in your country. You were so unhappy. What was the point?

It was like there a string on his chest, tying him to you, bringing you together even when you couldn’t be. Even when he didn’t want to be.

“Nothing” You swallowed, tears shooting up to your eyes, “Can you just kiss me and not ask me anything?”

He frowned, and it was hard to hear him over the loud music, “No…Y/N. Tell me if you’re okay. Do you want some air? Water?”

“I just want you to kiss me and not ask why”

So, almost reluctantly, he did. He leaned in, pressing his mouth to yours and you hoped it’d distract you. You wanted to get lost in it, and you brought your palms up to his face, to his hair, running through it. You’d never kissed him for so long, or with so much emotion. It had always been so casual, for fun, no strings, nothing. 

For just a second, you opened your eyes. You wish you hadn’t.

Over Jeonghan’s shoulder, there was a direct line of sight to Hyunjin.

He was still standing by the river, staring out into the darkness, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other lifting a beer bottle to his lips. He was still here. Right where you’d left him.

Why wouldn’t he leave? There was a path straight to him, people parted like the red sea, the taut string of fate between you working harder than ever.

You squeezed your eyes shut, focusing on kissing the boy who actually cared for you, but when your eyes flickered open again, Hyunjin was watching you.

It should have been obvious, but you were still surprised…to see him stare. Your heart hurt so much you thought you’d collapse. He didn’t want you in his life anymore. He’d made it plenty clear. 

Then why did he look so fucking sad watching you kiss another man?

The party was raging, you were dying. Each press to Jeonghan’s lips made you sick. He kept spinning you around, and you were getting dizzy. Every few seconds, your eyes would fall on Hyunjin. Everything but him was blurred. Your insides hurt, and he was looking at you and you were looking at him but you were dancing with another man. Was this how it felt like to be dying? Jeonghan was giggling about something, and he leaned in to whisper something in your ear. You didn’t hear it, because Hyunjin had turned away from you now, like all of this was beneath him. As if being here was the greatest inconvenience of his life.  

He was walking away. He’d probably had enough of your dancing. 

He’d had enough of you.

“Y/N…hello?” Jeonghan snapped a finger in front of your face.

“I’m going to be sick” You mumbled.

His eyes widened, “What? Did you drink too much?”

“No. I just…I need some air” You stepped back from him. 

“Should I come with you?”

“I’m fine” You shook your head, looking around, “You should dance with Sohee…till I’m back. ”

Before he could protest or respond, you walked away, towards the river. Kairi was nowhere to be found, at her own birthday party. It was all his fault. You had to go find her. What if she had a fight with Chan and needed you?

The alcohol had gotten to your head. You shouldn’t have chugged that beer, and that tequila and that last shot of vodka. Slowly, but steadily you made your way towards the dock. Her birthday cake was rotting in the car. Was it so hard to ask for just one good night?

He had to ruin that too, just like he’d ruined the idea of love for you. You could never love anybody, ever again, not in this same way. 

You walked until you caught up to him. Thankfully, there was nobody else here. Everybody was either in the cabins, or dancing. Hyunjin was pacing back and forth, on his fucking phone as if he was too good for this place. The question left your mouth before you could rethink it, “What does Chan want?”

He looked up at you, eyes drifting over your figure briefly, voice small, “What?” 

“It’s been an hour. She’s not back yet” You stated, as if it was obvious, “In case you didn’t know, she turned twenty-four today, and this entire party is for her. So why is he here, Hyunjin?” You stepped closer to him.

He clicked his phone off, the number he never shared with you, and put it in his pocket, “Um… I don’t know if it’s my discretion to tell you”

You stared at him. You were so past begging to be included in his life. You nodded, a scoff escaping, “Yeah, sorry I asked. I don’t know what I was thinking”

Turning towards the dock, you only made it about five steps away from Hyunjin when he called out, “Wait—I didn’t mean it like that”

You turned to face him, and there was fire in your eyes, there was fire in your veins, “Then what did you mean, Hyunjin?”

Something flashed through his eyes when you said his name, like he also couldn’t believe he was talking to you. “Um. Do you… remember what I told you at the Château?” He asked. The familiarity of those memories flooded through you, like a tsunami. You remembered every single word, you remember each breath he took, each touch. You remember every ridge and curve in his hand, as he held yours. You remembered how many times he pressed his lips to yours, and how loud he’d moaned when you touched him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” 

Hyunjin tilt his head, “About… how they’ve been together for two years now? About how Chan had planned to ask Kairi to marry him…on her birthday?”

Your eyes narrowed as the realisation sank into you, “You’re kidding me. Is that what he’s doing right now? He’s literally going to ruin her—”

Hyunjin stepped forward, “No, he’s not doing that! But he just needed to talk to her about it. He’s just here to make things right with her” He explained, emphasising each word.

“Why?”

Hyunjin seemed confused, “Why, what?”

“Why now? He couldn’t have picked another day?” You sounded so harsh, but you didn’t care. Yeah, maybe you were pissed that Chan was willing to go to all this fucking effort for the girl he loved. But nobody would ever make any effort for you. You were pissed that Kairi was the one good thing you had left, but now Hyunjin’s life was ripping her away from you too.

He didn’t seem fazed though, and he seemed just as confused as you, “I don’t know, Y/N! I tried to talk him out of it. That it wasn’t a good idea”

You scoffed, crossing your arms, “Well you clearly didn’t do a good job, because he’s here right now anyway”

“What do you want me to do? I tried my best!”

“Well, you should have tried harder, Hyunjin!”

He let out a deep breath, running a hand over his face, “Why are you fighting me?”

You took a step back, “Right. I forgot I’m not allowed to be near you”

His eyes narrowed, “Excuse me?”

“Never mind. I’m going to go see if she’s okay or if she needs me”

He frowned, stepping in front of you, “You can’t just interrupt them. What if they’re having a moment?”

You squeezed your eyes shut. This was a fucking disaster, “He better not be proposing”

Hyunjin’s voice dropped, “Why? Wouldn’t you be happy for them?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Hyunjin. I would be happy. Obviously I’d be fucking happy. But Kairi loves him too much. She told me everything that happened. She would just get hurt again when he chooses the company over her.”

Hyunjin was quiet, eyes flickering over yours, voice dropping, “Is… that what you think I did?”

Your voice had lost its energy too, and you stared at him, “I’m not talking about—”

“Because that’s not what I did, Y/N”

You looked up at him, but you were shaking, “This is about her, not me”

He didn’t say anything. For a few seconds, you were both just staring at each other.

He sighed and chose to speak first, “Chan would never hurt her. Their decision to break up was mutual”

Unlike how things happened with you. “Yeah. I understand”

“It’s not just you. I’m worried about Chan too” He ran a hand through his hair. This was not the time to create a scene in public, so you curbed your anger, shoving it deep inside. He cared about Chan, and you cared about Kairi. That’s the only reason you were still here, and still talking to him. It was the only fucking reason you’d talk to him tonight. 

“I can’t believe it’s her birthday and she’s not even here” You mumbled, “All of this was for nothing then. I hope she’s not upset or crying somewhere in a corner”

For the first time this night, Hyunijn looked a tad guilty, brows furrowing, “Do you want to go check on them…?”

You hugged yourself tighter, the wind was picking up quickly, “I thought you just said we can’t interrupt them”

“We won’t”

Your eyebrows shot up.

“Isn’t there another place we can see the docks from…without interrupting them? To see how they’re doing…”

You ran a mental image of the campgrounds in your head, “Yeah, there is…”

And so, Hyunjin followed you. 

There was a clearing in the forest, a thick cover of trees that looked right out onto the docks. You’d seen it back when you came to scope out of the place with Kairi. You were taking him there. You focused on the sound of your footsteps, and on the party you were leaving behind. 

“So…what changed? Why did he pick today?” You surprised yourself by speaking first. 

Hyunjin seemed surprised too, and he glanced at you, “Um…I don’t really know. We were working on a few songs last night…and it’s like Chan had some great epiphany”

“Oh”

There were people swimming in the Han river, some of them were skinny dipping too, and Hyunjin averted his eyes as you passed them. It was so strange to be here, and talk to him, like everything was okay. His tall frame so close to you again, and he took longer strides than you but right now he was slowing down to keep up. You made sure there was enough distance between the two of you so your arms wouldn’t accidently brush. It was funny. Months ago, you used to pray for this to happen, to be alone with him, to have a reason to talk to him, and to accidently touch him. 

You tried to look for Chan and Kairi against the landscape, but they were too far so all you had was to settle for Hyunjin’s momentary glances on you. “You’re good at these” He suddenly said.

“Sorry?” You looked at him.

He looked around, making a noncommittal gesture, “Birthday parties. You planned everything, right?”

“I guess. It wasn’t all me” 

“You…always outdo yourself”

You looked up at him, from the corner of your eye, “I had help. I didn’t organise it on my own”

“I know…but I’ve seen how passionate you are about these things. The food…the music…it’s all very you”

You swallowed, wondering why he was deciding to be civil all of a sudden, or maybe he’d been civil all along and you were the one creating a fucking scene, “Thank you…”

“It reminds me of the beach party, for Felix’s birthday. That one…was so good too”

“Well, at least if things don’t work out with my art, maybe I can become a party planner” You mumbled.

Hyunjin laughed. He actually laughed. It was between a giggle and a chuckle and you looked up at him in surprise. He covered his mouth with his hand, eyes wide, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to agree with you. Things will obviously work out. You’re a great artist”

You couldn’t handle seeing him like this. Eyes crinkled, a real smile. Was he not miserable without you? You looked back at your feet, arms crossed over your chest, “Yup”

“So…is he your boyfriend?”

You looked up, “Sorry?”

Hyunjin seemed nonchalant as he asked, “Nate. The boy you were dancing with” His eyebrows were knitted together, as if he actually even cared if that was your boyfriend or not. 

“We’re here” You told him, choosing not to answer, pointing to a clearing in the trees, “You can see the dock right through there”

Hyunjin stepped ahead, forest leaves crunching under his feet as he did so. There was a pile of rocks and big boulders overlooking the river. Your view was being blocked by them, and you couldn’t see anything from here. 

“I’m just gonna climb up and check if we can see anything from there” He told you, and before you could tell him it was a bad idea, Hyunjin jumped up, easily climbing onto a boulder. It looked so easy for him.

You stood at the bottom, trying to warm yourself. You should have brought a coverup because the wind here was so strong, and you were half-naked. From where Hyunjin stood, he must have a clear view of the entire campground, a good vantage point…for spying on people, like you were now. He could see over the bushes, and you couldn’t, so you asked him, “Can you see them?”

Hyunjin responded, eyes in the distant, “Yeah I can”

“And…? Does she look upset? Are they fighting?”

Hyunjin was silent. You couldn’t see anything from down here, and you were frustrated. “Hyunjin…?” You whisper-yelled.

“Come up. You can see for yourself” He suggested, very unhelpful.

“I’m not wearing shoes. I can’t climb up rocks”

“I’ll help you” He said, turning to face you.

You looked up at him, and his hand was extended out to you. Did you really want his help? But you wanted to see for yourself. You didn’t trust him in the moment. So, you gave in, “Okay”

You grabbed his hand, only for the support, but a bolt of lightning travelled through you, through your entire body. You felt on fire, hair on the back of your neck standing up. Your heart skipped beats, and all you were doing was touching Hyunjin’s hand. It was so warm. His palm was baby-soft, like he’d been taking good care of himself, of his skin.

You tried not to let the shivers affect you. He bent down and mumbled, “Keep your foot here, and I’ll help with the rest okay?”

You climbed up onto a ledge, with sharp rocks jutting out, “If you drop me…”

“I won’t”

“Here goes nothing” You mumbled, keeping your foot on the ledge for balance, hoping you didn’t fall and embarrass yourself. Hyunjin pulled you up, tugging at your arm. You stood head-on, face inches from his. On this tiny boulder, there was barely any space for the two of you. Hyunjin clearly hadn’t calculated for that when he asked you to join him. Because now, you were pressed to each other, and his hand was on your bare waist, gripping you tightly so you won’t fall. Fuck, you’d really put yourself in this situation willingly.

“Shit. I’m so sorry” He realised, leaving his hold on you once you’d found your balance.

You were breathing heavy. Your eyes searched his, and his gaze was so familiar. Half-lidded eyes, dark hair falling into his forehead, lips pink...and plush up close. He was so beautiful, and his body was warm. 

His eyes fell to your body, noting the goosebumps on your chest, “You’re shivering”

“I’m fine”

“Take my sweater”

“Hyunjin…”

He didn’t let you finish and took off his dark woolen sweater. Inside, he was in a simple long-sleeved t-shirt that hugged him tightly. It was almost too small on him, and you could see the shape of his body through it. He handed you the warm sweater, and it was soft to the touch. You slipped it on over your bikini, and it smelled like him too.

He nodded, jutting his head towards the dock, “Um. There they are” 

You turned, trying to balance on the little space you had to stand, peering through the trees.

“Can you see them?” Hyunjin asked, maintaining a sliver of distance between you, as he tried to look over your shoulder. You could see them. Kairi and Chan sat at the edge of the dock, legs hanging off into the water. They weren’t touching, but they were sitting close together. They were talking about something, passionately, because you could hear hints of their voices all the way here.

“What…are they doing? They’re just…talking”

“Yeah” Hyunjin said, a puff of cold air leaving his mouth, “I guess they had a lot to catch up on”

Your heart clenched. You knew how much she loved him. “She missed him a lot…” You admitted.

Hyunjin glanced at you, and then back at them, “Yeah? He did too…he’s been in a lot of talks with the company”

“About what?”

His expression changed at your curiosity, “It’s not important, Y/N”

You frowned, even more curious now, “Tell me, Hyunjin”

He sighed, “It was… just about ensuring her security, in case they got back together, and even if they didn’t. Tracking down and suing the people that sent her the threats”

A flicker of hope lit up in you, for them, “Wasn’t that the only reason they weren’t together? Because of Kairi’s safety?”

Hyunjin looked at you, empty, downcast eyes, “No, when I came back to the city, they’d been having a lot of…arguments, and fights. I would hear Chan on the phone with her till the morning hours, just…arguing, about anything and everything. They weren’t even angry at each other, they were just frustrated because…he could barely give her time. It sucked, kind of felt like I’m a kid listening to my parents fall apart, you know? Watching their relationship fail right in front of me. The nights they stayed up arguing, Chan would show up to practice the next morning unmotivated and unfocused. It was affecting his work a lot. He was barely able to be creative”

You watched the side of his face, as he told you the tale of how this line of work had pulled Chan and Kairi apart. “So…what’s going to change now? Won’t they just go back to fighting?”

Hyunjin shrugged, “I don’t know. Things will never change. But I’m not gonna be the one to take away his hope”

“You really think that…?”

He looked at you, gaze piercing yours, “What?”

“That things are always going to be bad, that they won’t get better?”

“I don’t think that. I know it”

Your heart dropped, offended at the negativity he possessed, “Would it kill you to be a little more positive?”

He swallowed, looking right at you, “Me being positive is not gonna bring them back together”

Now he’d given up on his own best friend’s relationship too, what chance did you stand? You glanced back at Kairi and Chan, breath hitching in your throat at the sight. His hand was on her face now, caressing her, and he had inched closer. They looked…ethereal against the river and the moon.

“It just might” You mumbled. Chan was whispering something to her now, nose brushing against hers. It was so intimate, you suddenly felt like a voyeur.

Hyunjin inhaled, realising it at the same time as you, “We…shouldn’t watch this”

“We… shouldn’t have watched any of it” 

You turned, and Hyunjin had already jumped back onto the sandy terrain, and you wished you were as athletic as him. He made it look so easy. He was holding his hands out to you, “I got you”

You stared at him, and the way his hands were ready to catch you. He was wearing the same jewellery he always did, the same rings as the night he kissed you for the first time, and told you that you shouldn’t be worried because he wasn’t going anywhere. That all felt far too fabricated a lie now. Were any of those things he said true?

“I can get down on my own” You said, rejecting his offer to hold you, to touch you again.

“Are you sure?” He frowned, hands dropping to his side.

“Yup” You weren’t going to ask him for help again, so carefully, you stepped down, one foot on the ledge, trying to balance your weight out.

Hyunjin was watching carefully, and maybe it was good, because you fucking slipped.  Bare feet and rock climbing was not a good mix. One second, the rock was firm underneath you, the other it was gone. A yelp escaped you, but in half a second Hyunjin had stepped forward, catching you in his grip. He had you pressed you to the rocks, grip strong around your body, “Fuck. Are you okay?”

You couldn’t even find it in you to be embarrassed, staring up at him. There was no space between your bodies, and the moonlight fell right on him and his stupidly perfect face. You tried to catch your breath, but he was crushing you to the rocks. You couldn’t even breathe. Your hair fell in front of your face, and Hyunjin’s gaze flickered over it, as if he was itching to fix it. His hands dug into the fabric of the knit sweater, fingers poking in the holes, and his other hand…lay dangerously close to your ass, resting just at the end of your bikini.

So you still could feel like this again, like you would explode from human touch. You hadn’t felt this alive in the longest time, each nerve ending firing at full capacity. This is what attraction felt like, not what you had with your date in the bar, not what you felt when you kissed your friend. Your eyes searched his, for any remorse or guilt for what he’d done to you. You found none. 

"Please let go of me”

“What?”

“Let go of me, Hyunjin”

He dropped his hands from you immediately, hurt flashing through his eyes, and a part of you was happy he could still display that emotion. He’d been fauxing his emotions the entire night so well, he’d pushed them all aside, and you hated that. Why couldn’t he admit he missed you? He stepped back, apologetic, “I’m sorry. I just…wanted to make sure you were okay”

“I’m fine” You side-stepped him, walking back to the campgrounds through the trees. Hyunjin was quiet, and he followed you, a few steps behind. You knew because you could hear his breaths, and his footsteps against the crunching leaves.

After some minutes, he spoke, “Y/N…”

“I don’t want to talk to you” You were walking away from him, as fast as you could, hoping to put some distance between you.

“Y/N…you’re bleeding”

You stopped, “What?”

He stood a few steps behind, watching you, “Your leg. I think you…you cut yourself on the rock. The…branches”

You had far too much pride in the moment to even check if he was right. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t hurt” You mumbled, and began walking back towards the party again.

“It could get infected”

“Can you just stop talking, please? I can take care of myself”

“I’m sure you can. I’m just worried about you”

“Why are you even here?” You turned, walking back to him so you could be closer. Each step against the grass did hurt now. You must have cut yourself really bad, because the dirt was burning your wound, but you weren’t going to show your weakness, not right now. You were so far from the rest of the party, otherwise anybody would have been able to hear you arguing. You were thankful everybody else was distracted and having an actual good time, unlike you.

He frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why the fuck are you here? I didn’t invite you to this party. I want you to leave”

His eyes narrowed, “I’m not leaving Chan alone”

You let out a frustrated sigh, “He’s with Kairi, and they seem to be doing great without you!”

“You’re hurt…” He spoke, calm as fucking ever. Why couldn’t he just express himself, like he used to? Why was he wearing a shield? 

“As if that matters to you. The damage is done. I knew it wasn’t a good idea” You were talking about the cut on your leg, but of course you fucking weren’t.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “Just please let me take a look at it. I don’t want you to get hurt”

“It’s too late for that, Hyunjin”

He reached out, grabbing your arm with more force than you expected, to pull you closer, “Y/N. Stop fighting me. I’m not letting you go without making sure you’re all right”

The authority in his voice shocked you. You’d never heard Hyunjin so determined before, so aggressive. His eyes were narrowed, and his grip on your arm was strong but not tight enough to hurt you. You swallowed, wanting to suddenly cry because you were in so much pain and he was the reason for it all, “Fine”

His grip relaxed on you, and he let out a breath as if it was hurting him too. He looked around, eyes landing on the glass house hidden between the trees, “Can you walk till there?”

“Yeah”

You only felt a little shameful, walking over to the cabin, and you hope nobody was fucking in there or anything. Hyunjin pushed open the door, stepping inside, rummaging through the drawers and cabinets.

“Everything’s empty” He mumbled, a frustrated look in his eyes.

You leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, “Yeah. It’s a vacation rental, so there’s not gonna be any personal belongings. Maybe you could check in the bedroom”

He sighed, walking through the open doorway into the bedroom. The house was so…modern, and fancy, with large glass windows that faced the river. You could imagine how nice it’d be to spend the night here. There was an open four-claw white bathtub, and clearly this room was designed for sex. Why else would there be a tub in here? Hyunjin seemed impatient as he opened every cupboard, pulling open the drawers with gold knobs.

“Found anything?” 

He shook his head, “No…just condoms”

“Oh…”

“And a bottle of…lube” He chuckled, turning to look at you, arms crossed as he leaned against the dresser, “Yeah. nice planning. There’s no first aid kits, anywhere?”

“I don’t know” You sighed, “I wasn’t exactly planning on climbing up rocks”

Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, “Right. Can you sit down?”

The bedsheets were nicely made, you didn’t want to ruin it but you were in pain now. You sat at the edge of it, hands in your lap. You had on Hyunjin’s sweater on top, but under that…you were still just in your bikini, legs bare. He knelt down on the floor, lifting your leg up in his hands. A wave of deja vu overwhelmed you. This position… reminded you of Felix’s birthday party. Almost the exact same thing had happened, when San had broken a beer bottle and Hyunjin had been worried about you. You stayed quiet, letting him probe around. The cut was near your Achilles heel, which explained why it hurt so much. Tenderly, he touched the skin around it, “Does this hurt?”

You nodded, biting your lip, “Yeah. It hurts.”

He sighed, looking up at you, intense gaze, “It’s…not that deep a cut, but…you shouldn’t go in the river or anything. It could get infected”

“So I’ll be fine? We’re done here?”

He let go of your leg so you could put it down, “Yeah”

Clearing his throat, he got up to walk to the door.

You stared after him, “You’re leaving?”

“There’s a store a few miles from here. I’ll get you a bandaid”

“What? You’re gonna drive all the way for that. That’s stupid. It’s…an hour away”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not asking for your permission, is it?” He mumbled, pushing the door to walk back outside the house.

“Hyunjin” You groaned, getting up to follow him, “Wait! What are you doing?”

He threw his hands up, voice high, “I don’t know. What the hell do you want me to do?”

As if this was your fault, “Well, maybe don’t come to a party you’re not invited to. That would be a great start”

His voice shot up higher, “I’m sorry I fucked up, okay? I came here for Chan. I had no fucking idea you’d be here! I didn’t even know you knew Kairi, so how could I have guessed you’d be at her birthday party, Y/N?”

You swallowed, knowing he was right, frustrated tears rising up, “So you wouldn’t have come…if you knew I was here? I was right?”

He sighed, each word said so powerfully it cut through you, “Yes. It would have changed everything! I obviously would have preferred to stay home rather than watch you make out with your new boyfriend right in front of me!”

Your eyes widened, and it seemed like he instantly regret what he said.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “I’m sorry. I didn’t…mean to yell”

Hurried footsteps distracted you, and you turned to see Kairi walking up to you, confused gaze, “Hey. Why are you all the way here?”

“Kairi. Are you okay?” You asked, immediately embracing her, “I was looking for you earlier”

She nodded, “I am. I am. I just I got to talking with Chan, and we didn’t realise how much time had passed. I’m so sorry, oh my god. Does everybody hate me for abandoning my own party?”

You shook your head, pulling back to look at her, and you were happy to see that there were no tears, “No, no, they’re all having a good time. That doesn’t matter anyway, are you okay right now? Do you feel…okay?”

She nodded, “I am. Chan and me…we talked about a lot of shit. I’ll tell you everything”

“Where is he?” Hyunjin asked.

Kairi’s eyes widened at him, “Hwang fucking Hyunjin! What did I do to deserve the honor of you showing up to my party?”

He smiled at her, and it’s like his mood had changed instantly around her, “Happy birthday, Kairi”

She jumped into his arms, tackling him in a hug, “I missed you dumbass” He hugged her back, warmly, burying his head in her shoulder, “I missed you too, Kairi”

She pushed his hair out of his face, hands resting on his cheekbones, “You look fucking hot, Jinnie. It’s been a while”

His eyes sparkled at her, cheeks flushing, “I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself too”

Why couldn’t you be the one to get a reunion so warm?  It was your fault for being bitter anyway, and for trying to start a fight with Hyunjin. You don’t even know what you were trying to do.

“I see you two have been reunited” Chan laughed, walking over to you. He glanced at you, a sheepish smile on his face, “I’m sorry about earlier, Y/N…”

“It’s okay…” You told him, “I get it. You really needed to see her”

He nodded, looking around the grounds, “So did I completely ruin the party?”

“No” Kairi shook her head, “I think most of them are too drunk to even notice I’m gone. Although…Y/N might be a little sad” She pouted at you, “You planned everything. I’m sorry it didn’t go accordingly”

You felt conscious, feeling all their eyes on you, “No, I only did it for you. If you’re happy…that’s enough for me”

Chan nodded, glancing at his wristwatch, “Fuck. It’s getting really late. We have a flight in the morning. Should we drop you guys home?”

They had a flight? To where? You shook your head to answer him, “No, that’s okay. I’m…going with Jeonghan”

Kairi giggled at his mention, “Your boy was passed the fuck out a few minutes ago. I think he drank too much. Eric said they’re gonna drive back in the morning, when they’re all sobered up. Do you wanna wait till then?”

It was almost three am, and you don’t think you could wait till dawn, “Oh…no I’ll just take a taxi home. I have class at eleven”

“A taxi from here to the city? Of course not. That’s not safe” She frowned. You forced a smile at Kairi, “Um. I’ll just take it in the morning then”

“That’s a terrible idea” Hyunjin mumbled.

“Just come with us?” Chan offered, and his voice was so sweet it was hard to say no, but they’d all known each other for years, and you’d feel too awkward riding with them, “I’m just…gonna go check with Nate, if that’s cool” 

Chan nodded, casually, “Ah. We’ll be in the parking lot. Look for the black car”

You nodded, “Got it. Thanks Chan”

You glanced at Hyunjin, and he was already looking at you, arms crossed in front of his chest. He averted his gaze as soon as you caught him. 

Back at the bonfire, Jeonghan was sitting in a beach chair, talking to a group of strangers. They must be locals who had rented some cabins. His face lit up when he saw you walk to him, “Where’d you get that sweater? Is there a mall here I don’t know about?”

“It’s just my friends” You told him, not in the mood to joke, bending down to be level at him, “Kairi said you passed out. Are you okay?”

He nodded, smiling, “I’m fine, Y/N. I just found out that these people went to the same high school as me, in LA. Isn’t that crazy?”

You glanced over, at some locals who were sat in a circle. The set-up seemed cozy, there was cider and hotdogs that lay between them, “Oh wow. It’s a small world” You told him, “Um, I came here to ask…Kairi was headed home, and she asked if I wanna come with. But I said I’ll stay with you, make sure you’re okay and everything”

Jeonghan’s lips tugged up into a smile, “Y/N. I’m more than okay. You seem tired, on the other hand. Maybe you should let Kairi take you home? I think I’ll chat here with them for an hour or so”

You nodded, biting your lip, “Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you here alone”

He rolled his eyes, “Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?”

You swallowed, “I’m just being a good friend, Nate”

He leaned ahead, pinching your cheek, “I know and so am I. Please, just get some sleep. You seem exhausted”

You sighed, dread filling you. This meant you’d have to ride with Hyunjin. “All right. I’ll…see you in class on Monday then?”

You got up, to leave but he tugged at your arm, voice dropping, “The boy from earlier. Was that…the guy we saw in the elevator…at Pegasus?”

You looked around, but nobody was listening, so you nodded, “Yeah. That was him”

Understanding settled in his features, “He was…looking at you the entire time he was here. When we were dancing…drinking. He...didn’t look away from you for a second”

“You saw that?”

“Mmh. Is that…the same guy you wanted to…Eternal Sunshine out of your mind?”

You smiled, the movie reference catching you off guard, “Yeah, but um, don’t tell anyone, please”

He grinned, imitating a zip over his mouth, “My lips are sealed”

»»————-

There was a black car in the parking lot. You found your shoes, and your jeans, abandoned by the check-in area at the campground, slipped them on and walked over to the car. The three of them stood there, and the trunk was open. Chan sat in the back, leg pulled up, sipping beer and Kairi was snuggled up to him. It was chilly out here. Hyunjin…stood across them, hands on his waist and they were laughing about something. He seemed so carefree when you weren’t there. His eyes were crinkled, and his laughter echoed in the open night. 

His sweater on you was warm, and you felt shy and awkward as you made your way to them, “Hey”

Kairi’s eyes lit up, “Y/N! Nate isn’t coming?”

“He…said he wanted to stay a bit”

“Perfect. We were waiting for you, so we could cut the cake” Chan smiled.

“What?” You laughed, noticing the little bento cake sat neatly in the back of the trunk, “Here? Just...the four of us?”

“Mmh” Kairi nodded, “My favorite people ever. It’s perfect”

Your heart warmed, and nothing had gone to plan, but it wasn’t up to you, “Sure... Why not?”

She jumped up, standing next to you on the concrete as Chan opened the box carefully. He dug into his pockets for a lighter, and lit the candles. It was…definitely not the way you’d envisioned tonight, but this was about Kairi, and in a way…this was perfect. 

Under the moonlight, in the empty parking lot, the glow of the candles was bright. Kairi leaned in, closing her eyes to make a wish, and then blew hard on the candles. Chan laughed loudly, singing a bad rendition of Happy Birthday, and you smiled at the sight. 

It was strange how they found solace in each other, in an abandoned lot miles away from the nearest city. The celebration was small, much smaller than you’d planned…but it still felt complete. You hugged Kairi, arms tight around her, and she hugged Hyunjin after you. You wonder if your scent lingered on him, through her. He said something to make her laugh, and she teased him by smearing frosting on his cheek. Hyunjin gasped, dramatically, dipping his finger right into the cake. 

“No, no, no!” Kairi laughed, hiding behind Chan. Chan rolled his eyes, “Jinnie. You’re not putting cake on her” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, laughing, “Relax…” Although clearly he’d been planning to do just that. Instead of putting it on her face, he licked his finger, tongue swirling around it. 

Kairi got on her toes, pulling Chan in for a hug. You still don’t know what they talked about that made them so happy again, but you would have to be patient and she would tell you everything. For a few seconds, they just held each other, indulging in and enjoying each other’s embrace Your gaze drifted to Hyunjin. There was a small smile on his face, and shamelessly he watched them. You remember how much he loved Chan and Kairi. They were…the world to him. So… he must be the happiest right now. 

Your own smile fell though, the longer you looked at Hyunjin. He must be cold, but he’d given you his sweater…it wasn’t much but it was everything right now. He made you crave him always, even when you were supposed to be so angry at him. The adoration in his eyes, the softness in his gaze…it used to be yours. He used to look at you like that, and you still didn’t understand what changed.

What happened to make him change towards you so drastically? Why didn’t he want you anymore? After the way you’d acted tonight, showing your immature, petty and vengeful side, he probably wouldn’t want to even…associate with you anymore. A wave of sadness hit you. Had your anger ruined any chance you had with him tonight? 

But…why wouldn’t you be angry at him? You had every right. Or maybe…he’d just think of you as the bitchy ex-girlfriend for the rest of his life. You were an anecdote to tell his future lovers, a girl to mention in passing, someone he had a fling with one summer. To you, he was the entire world…but he’d never reciprocate the feeling. You’d ruined everything, because of your sadness. Tears shot up to your eyes, and you looked away. 

You wish you never met Hyunjin. Your own thought killed you.

“Come on. We should get going, if we hope to make it to Seoul by dawn” Chan said, pulling away, hoarse voice. 

“You’re not driving are you?” Kairi asked him, “There’s a lot I wanna talk to you about”

“She means she wants to get drunk with you in the backseat” Hyunjin laughed.

“Same difference” Kairi shrugged, and then turned to you, “You don’t mind riding shotgun, right? Hyunjin’s a good driver”

How did you end up in this situation anyway? You'd already told Kairi that you had no problem with Hyunjin. You'd already caused so much trouble tonight.

“Yeah. I don’t mind” You mumbled. Chan closed the trunk, after making sure the cake was secure, and you walked to the front. You didn’t even know they had their own cars. You’d always assumed their managers drove for them, but their company probably had no idea they were even here. 

Huh. Hyunjin broke the rules for Chan. Just not for you.

You settled into the passenger seat, and Hyunjin sat next to you. 

“Jinnie, you’re gonna have to adjust the seat for yourself” Chan told him, as he and Kairi settled comfortably in the backseat.

“Ah. The sins of being tall” Kairi joked. In the rear view mirror, you saw them immediately snuggle together, and Chan wrapped an arm around her, like they couldn’t bear to be apart. Must be nice. You were jittery, and anxious again, having Hyunjin in such close proximity to you. You rest your hand on the console, trying to not look at his side profile, trying to not think of how you were in his sweater over your wet swimsuit.

Chan moved ahead, hand landing on the back of your seat, “So, Y/N. Tell me more. Now that you’re finally here, I’d love to hear about you”

You bit your lip, “I’m sure you already know everything there is to know about me…”

A warm sensation made you jump, and you realised Hyunjin had accidentally placed his hand on top of yours, on the console between you. 

“Sorry” He apologised, pulling his hand back.

“Um. It’s fine” You put your hands in your lap. You’d forgotten how warm and comforting his hand was. You wanted to hold it again, for the rest of the ride. Glancing in the rearview, Chan was saying something to Kairi, her face held in his big hands as he looked at her with so much love in his eyes. Perhaps this is why their car had blacked out windows.

“So…how long will it take us to get home, Jinnie?” He asked.

Hyunjin glanced at the GPS, that was above the console, “Says about three hours”

“Fuck. I’m definitely gonna fall asleep” Kairi laughed, and Chan nodded, “Me too”

Hyunjin reached into the glove compartment, taking out a pair of thin silver-rimmed glasses. He put them on, and you’d never seen him wear these before so these must be anti-glare, for the drive. Regardless…he looked suddenly ten times hotter than before, and you looked away. You would blame the alcohol for how attracted you felt to him in this moment.

“What are you waiting for, Jinnie?” Kairi asked him.

“Um. Car won’t start until everyone has their seatbelts in”

He glanced at you, and before you could even think, he had leaned over to your side, pulling your belt out of the hook. Your breath stopped as his face hovered over yours but his gaze was focused on the strap as he pulled it towards him. He clicked it in place for you, crossing the strap over your chest, and waist, then he asked you, voice low and hoarse, “That comfortable?”

Just for a second, he looked up at you, eyes meeting yours. His strong scent infiltrated you. You had no words to say. He was so close, and you just nodded, hoping that would be enough.

“We’re good now” He spoke, leaning back into his own seat, and started the car. There was absolutely no fucking need for him to be doing that for you. You knew how to put a seatbelt on, but now you wished he was always there to do it for you. 

Your chest was pounding embarrassingly loud. You think everybody could hear it. You glanced at him, and his hands rested on the wheel, and he looked so fucking attractive. The thin glasses rested on his nose, and he licked his lips, turning around, one hand on the wheel, other on the back of your seat so he could reverse the car out of its parking lot. God, you wish you never met him but you wanted to jump over the console into his lap, and kiss him for the rest of your life. 

Hyunjin cleared his throat, and looked at you before turning to face the road again. His gaze dropped to your body for a second, to his sweater hugging you tightly. You weren’t talking to each other, but… your gaze mirrored his, you’re sure. You stared at his face illuminated in the moonlight, darkened look in his eyes. So, he couldn't love you, but you still had an effect on him, and it made you feel proud. Anybody in the world would be able to tell what you wanted to do to each other. Even right now, when you hated him more than anything. Even when he’d broken your heart and made no attempt to patch it back up. 

You both said nothing, as he focused on the road, pulling out of the campgrounds to catch the highway. The silence was enough. You’d been in this car for just a few minutes, and you were already dying, air thick with tension. 

There were three long hours to Seoul, on a dark highway through the woods, with only the moonlight to guide you, and Hyunjin was inches from you. 

You had no idea how you’d make it there, without completely ruining each other.

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin smut #angst #Hyunjin imagines #skz x reader #skz imagines #fluff #friends to lovers #hwang hyunjin x reader

[dandylovesturtles]

Top Ten Posts of 2023

I decided, why not? ^^

I'm limiting this to fics/analysis/headcanon/etc posts I made during the year and skipping over anything that isn't my actual creative work. That said, if you're curious, my actual top post was this funky screenshot from episode 2.

10. Everyone's just fine with Donnie modding the moon buggy? (362 notes)

It occurred to me that despite being MASSIVE nerds for the Jupiter Jim franchise, the bros seemed awfully chill with Donnie taking an actual on-set moon buggy and modding the hell out of it.

A few people argued with me in the notes that the Turtle Tank is so cool no one could possibly be mad about it and I do think that's fair. The Turtle Tank is easily my favorite thing Donnie made in the show.

9. Splinter and Leo talk post movie (443 notes)

And then his dad walks in and says, “I would like to talk to Blue, please. Alone.” And suddenly Leo doesn’t feel so good anymore.

This is the most recent tumblr fic I've done (I think lol), so seeing it make it this high felt pretty good. I love Splinter and his boys... they make me emotional.

8. A headcanon about the Disaster Twins (445 notes)

I have a headcanon that the twins are lowkey always trying to get each other to laugh.

This is still true.

7. A showcase of Donnie's injuries in End Game (462 notes)

So everyone talks about Donnie getting his shell shredded by the Shredder in Many Unhappy Returns but I feel like it’s underappreciated that that happened to him coming off of getting his ass beat in End Game like

One of the first posts I made when I made this blog haha. Poor Donnie |'D

6. Donnie records everything (617 notes)

broke: Donnie listening to what happened in the prison dimension woke: Donnie showing Raph Leo’s big damn hero speech since he wasn’t there the first time

The main reason why this has so many notes is because @roseverdict wrote a great fic down in the notes that you should all go read.

5. Leo asks Donnie a favor (829 notes)

“You might as well tell me what you need,” he says, turning to his computer and pulling up his list. “I’ll assess it and prioritize.” “No, no, that’s okay. It’s nothing,” Leo insists. “Nardo.” Donnie levels his best stare at him. “What is it?”

I love writing the Disaster Twins being soft and you guys love it when I write it too.

4. Present Donnie and Future Donnie have a little disagreement (CAS AU fic) (1,242 notes)

“What was I supposed to do, tie him to a chair?” “Yes!?” says Mini-him like he’s stupid, which warrants a scoff.

Shoutout to @skcirthinq who doodled a comic version of their conversation.

3. Casey Jr. and Uncle Tello troll Present Donnie (CAS AU fic) (1,701 notes)

Casey Jr, says Uncle Tello’s voice. Uncle Tello? Do you want to see something really funny?

This is my actual fic with the most notes! I'm glad you all enjoyed this silly little take on what was actually an incredibly intense moment in Cass's original comic.

2. Mikey contacts the Hamato ancestors (2,054 notes)

future Mikey: *trying to contact the spirits of the Hamato for advice and guidance in the apocalypse* Donnie’s spirit: Hello, you are now communing with Donatello.

I can't believe you guys gave over 2K notes to the stupidest joke I've ever made. Shoutout to @nonymous06 for this artist's rendition.

and finally, drum roll please.....

My top post of 2023:

1. A very silly idea for a separated AU (4,283 notes)

non-angsty ROTTMNT separated AU where the boys meet online and bond over their shared love of Jupiter Jim and skateboarding and Lou Jitsu. Then one day they agree to meet irl for the first time at a con and decide to dress as turtle aliens.

This post spawned an adorable fanart by @thatsmutbean , this hilarious fanart by @onionninjasstuff , and an entire fanfic called new phone who dis by @rbtlvr

This has been an incredible year! My love for ROTTMNT has not diminished in the slightest and I still have lots of ideas, so I hope you guys stick with me for 2024. Thanks again! Happy New Year!!

#no idea what to tag this as #if I put it in the main tag is that annoying #oh well #rottmnt

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Kisses From A Princess 

Eddie Munson x Cheerleader!Reader (18+)

Summary:Following his indiscretions under the bleachers, a certain cheerleader suddenly takes an interest in the shaggy-haired metal-head (sorry I suck at summaries)

Warnings:Starts with a small bit of fluff, but the rest is just filth. Teasing, Making-out, Blow Jobs (in public kind of? Reader sucks him off at the bench outside the school?) cum-swallowing. Let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed that you want tagged.

Word Count:1,796

Authour’s Note:I really just liked writing for eddie and cheerleader reader so I wrote another one! Follows on from Knee Socks and Pom-Poms, so it might help to read that first if you haven’t. So yeah just more filth from me I guess 😅

Masterlist

For a long time Eddie was very happy admiring you from afar. Gazing dreamily at the back of your head, his eyes following the subtle bounce of your ponytail as he sat behind you in class. His attention being entirely diverted away from whatever subject he was supposed to be studying, instead choosing to scribble your name in his scrawling handwriting in the pages of his notebook, surrounding your name with little hearts. Even going as far as to write your initials next to his, once again surrounding your combined initials in a scratched black ink heart. It was safe to say that Eddie had fallen hook, line and sinker.

Part of him knows it's stupid of him to have a crush on a cheerleader like you. The school’s freak and the popular cheerleader? It was so cliché! You couldn't be more different from him if you tried, and yet,  his crush on you remained all the same. 

He vaguely hears the monotonous sound of Ms. O’Donnell’s voice as she goes through the morning’s lesson. Her voice seemed to be getting louder and louder until he looked up from his doodle-filled notebook.

“Mr. Munson, if you could please pay attention to the lesson at hand. If you paid as much attention to my teaching as you do the back of y/n’s head then perhaps you might actually learn something”

You whipped your head around at the mention of your name to see the boy who sat behind you, sink into his seat. A pink flush quickly spread across his cheeks, as he tried to hide behind his curtain of dark frizzy curls.

You waited until Ms. O'Donnell carried on with her lesson before scribbling down a note in your notebook and tearing it out to pass it to the boy sitting behind you.

Eddie looks up from where he's sat slumped in his seat, still feeling embarrassed at having been singled out like that, to find a folded up piece of paper on his desk. He reaches forwards, and carefully unfolds the note under his desk to read it

Hey Eddie! I know we don’t talk all that often, but just so you know, I think you’re pretty cute :) Meet me out by the bench at the back of the school at lunch? There’s something I wanna talk to you about.

 He smiles as he looks over your swirling handwriting and sweet words, quickly looking around him before scribbling down his own note next to yours before discreetly passing it back to you with a tap on your shoulder.

Nice to know the feeling’s mutual. Until then, Princess.

_____________

Eddie sits at the table in the clearing at the back of the school’s football field. He’d been here many times before, dealing from his stash in his metal lunchbox to the regular stoner students of the school, but for some reason waiting at this table not knowing what was going to happen had a knot growing in the pit of his stomach. Was his note too much? Why did he have to call you Princess? And what could you possibly want to talk to him about?

Just as he begins to get up to leave to save himself the embarrassment of being left hanging, he hears the sound of your crunching footsteps through the leaves on the ground.

‘Sorry I kept you waiting, you know how the rest of the cheer squad can be. I mean they can be very nice, don’t get me wrong but, I don’t really care for all that girly gossiping that goes on.’ you offer apologetically.

You set down your backpack before sitting yourself on the opposite side of the bench from him.

You looked at Eddie, his expression was one of a rabbit caught in the headlights. His big brown eyes searching your face, trying to get any sense of why you’d asked him to meet you here in the first place.

Eddie settles down in his seat watching you carefully as you continue talking.

“You know I saw you, Eddie.” You begin.

“S-saw me? What are you talking about?” He stumbles.

“Last week. I was out on the field with the rest of the cheer squad and I saw you hiding in the bleachers, I know you were watching me.” you explain.

Oh. So that’s what this was about.

“I-I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to perv on you like that I-I just…” He babbles endlessly. Of course you were going to think he was a weirdo! What kind of creep just hides in the bleachers, just to get off whilst watching the girl of his dreams dance for him? What on earth were you thinking, Munson?

“Hey, hey, it’s okay!” you reassure “I actually thought it was kind of hot” you say, your eyes not quite being able to look into his deep brown ones. “..and don’t worry, none of the other girls in the squad saw you, they were too busy being concerned about themselves to notice what you were up to.” you told him.

"But you saw me, though?" he asks again.

"Oh I certainly saw you a lot of you, big boy." You lightly tease.

A bright hot scarlet flush spreads across Eddie’s cheeks, and down to his chest. He desperately tries to ignore the twitch of his dick under the dark denim of his jeans at the sound of your sweet voice calling him ‘big boy’

  ‘Y’know, Eddie…” you say as you get up from where you’re sitting on your side of the bench, and slowly begin to make your way over to where he’s sat. “I mean what I wrote in my note. I do think you’re pretty cute.”

He turns around in his seat, looking at you, as you look down at him with a lustful gaze.

“...and you can tell me if I’m reading this situation all wrong, and I won’t ever bother you again, but I’d be more than happy to please you, if you’d let me” you say, your voice dropping to a seductive tone.

“Please me?” Eddie stumbles, he feels his heart thumping in his chest and the press of his cock against his boxers at your suggestion.

Your smaller delicate hands trail over his crotch, where the material of his jeans are pulled tight, rubbing over the growing bulge under the denim.

“I want you, Eddie. I want to taste you. Do you want me to put my mouth on you?” your eyes are looking deep into his, sparkling with desire.

“Y-yes, I’d like that very much.” he smiles.

He feels your fingers beginning to make work of the handcuff holding his belt together, before then moving to unzip his jeans.

“Wait-wait a moment..” he stammers.

“Have you changed your mind about this, Eddie? Because that’s okay.” you reassure him.

“No, not all. It’s just..If we’re going to do this, then I want to do it right. I-I wanna kiss you, I mean I would like to, can I kiss you?” he asks sweetly.

 “I would like that too, Eddie” you say,  before leaning forward and gently pressing your lips to his. His lips are surprisingly soft, kissing you with a gentle tenderness that has you feeling a little weak in the knees. His tongue sweeps across your lower lip, eager to slip between your lips and deepen the kiss. His large hands find themselves splayed on your hips, holding you close to him between his open thighs as he kisses you like he needs it to survive. 

You pull away from his lips, both of you breathing a little heavier than before.

You settle yourself on your knees between his open thighs, pulling his boxers down with his jeans to settle around his ankles. 

“I told you, I wanted to taste you, Eddie. I’m not wasting this opportunity” and with that you wrap your hand around his half-hard cock. Stroking your hand up and down over him slowly, letting him feel your grazing over the vein that runs the length of the underside of his cock.

You lower your head, your breath ghosting across the tip of his cock for a moment, before your tongue slips out from between your lips to sweep across the bead of pre-cum pooling from his slit.

Above you, you hear Eddie shudder out a shaky breath.

“F-Fucking hell sweetheart..” he moans.

You start to suckle the head of his cock in your mouth, savouring the slightly salty taste of him against your tongue. Licking up the length of him in one one long sweep, tongue tracing that prominent  pulsing vein.

Taking him further in your mouth you begin to bob your head over him, using your hand to stoke the spit slick flesh of the rest of his cock, twisting your closed fist slightly as your hand stroked upwards.

Your other hand reaches down, to gently cup and roll his heavy balls in your hands.

“Feels so good…Love your mouth, Sweetheart..F-fuck…”

You smile against him, despite how your lips are stretched around his thick cock. Knowing that you were able to get him like this with just your mouth gave you a strange sense of pride.

All the while Eddie is winding his hands into your hair, and he’s desperately willing himself to not thrust his hips up into your face, and letting you set the pace. He feels a tight knot in his stomach tying itself ever tighter with every pass of your tongue over his flushed skin.

“Sweets..I-I’m close..You’re gonna make me cum..Please…” he whines desperately.

“Come for me, Eddie… I want it..” you mumble against him.

“Gonna come in your mouth..down your throat…” he huffs with a moan.

With a few more relentless strokes of your fist over him, he was coming, spilling rope after rope of his load into the warm wet heat of your mouth. Glazing the back of your throat with streams of sticky, salty cum. 

Your eyes never leave his as you slowly pull away from his softening cock. Looking up at where his chest is rising and falling with exhausted breaths, you lock eyes with him, showing him your tongue coated in the evidence of seed, before making a point to swallow down everything he had to offer you.

“You’re trouble aren’t you, Princess?” he breathlessly chuckles.

“Yeah, but something tells me that you like trouble, don’t you, Munson?”

“Fucking love it.” he grins brightly before tugging you up from your knees to kiss you one more time, pressing his lips to yours in a bruising passionate kiss.

Yeah, he’s gonna have to keep you around him, as close as he can, if can help it.

tagged: @harringtons-cupid @mcbeanzontoast @i-me-mine @penguinsandpotterheads

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson x female reader smut #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x cheerleader!reader #stranger things #stranger things s4 #stranger things fanfiction

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 25 - Musique]

• Musique (French, music)

Warnings: nightmares, lotsa comfort, they share a really lovely moment, Jimin acts like a jealous dick though, like my dude it’s not that deep take a chill pill, she also does some stupid overthinking hahahelpher

Wordcount: 7.6k

a/n: idk what to say man, i just love this lil family so much

Someone is whispering your name. Over and over and over again. Louder and louder. You open your eyes. No. You are back in that corridor. That hallway you find yourself in each time you fall asleep. Dark walls, dark floors, sparse lighting and so much blood. Blood on the walls, the ceilings, all over the floor. Barely any air as panic controls you. There are figures in the shadows. Right at the end of the endless corridor. You can’t see their face, but you know that they are human. Or at least it pretends to be. Your name again and again and again. You try to shield it by covering your ears. The figure moves. Closer. You stumble back. Closer. Why is it moving? It never moved before. Why is it moving? Closer. It isn’t supposed to move! Closer. No! Wake up! Closer. Wake the fuck up!

You open your eyes. Your body is unmoving, looking unaffected while your heart is racing unbearably. You are awake again. You must have fallen asleep whilst reading. The book has slipped off your chest. Did this really just happen? The figure moved. It came closer to you. It shouldn’t have moved. It never did so before. You look around your room. Shadows hide most of it from you. You turn on the lights. The darkness disappears but the fear remains. The figure moved. It actually moved.

"I can’t stay here", you get out as you flee from the scary loneliness. You want to find the others. Doesn’t really matter who, as long as they make reality feel real again. No more shadows and panic. Just real people being with you.

You find Yoongi and Jungkook first. Yoongi is showing Jungkook something on the guitar. He softens his play when he can hear you come inside the sitting room. Jungkook turns, sniffling vigorously.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. 

Yoongi shifts his eyes to him and then begins sniffling. Just a second later he furrows his brows.

So they can smell that you are upset. Amazing. 

“Can I be here with you?” you ask them. 

“Of course you can”, they say at the same time.

And while Jungkook adds a “what happened?” at the end. Yoongi chooses to go with “come here, love.”

You appreciate both options dearly.

“I just don’t wanna be alone”, you say.

“I see. Well, Yoongi’s teaching me more stuff on the guitar. You can listen to me fail miserably at the bridge.”

He makes you snicker.

“You’re not failing miserably, Koo-ah. You’re practicing”, Yoongi says, handing the guitar back to the younger vampire, “start from the beginning.”

And while Jungkook starts from the very top, you settle next to them. You left Meredith’s place three nights ago and are currently staying in one of Taehyung’s farms in the Italian countryside close to the Alps. Namjoon was sighted in this area and Taehyung’s place was the perfect place to stay at for now. Secluded, quiet and with enough rooms to spare that everyone could sleep comfortably. The sitting room was small and homely. A piano was in front of a shelf of books and a big window. A good amount of floor space separated the couch and desk from it. Said desk was located right next to the couch so that you could sit at it whilst being close to Yoongi and Jungkook. 

It feels so much better to sit in their presence. The nightmare of before begins to feel far away and unreal the longer you are with them. There still lingers a painful, dark lump deep in your belly and it probably won’t leave for a long time, but at least you don’t feel so helpless against the shadow anymore. It can’t reach you for as long as you here in the real world with them. 

There was a pen and some paper on the desk. You begin doodling on it as Jungkook’s play accompanies you. Their hushed conversation occasionally interrupts the melodies, followed by a repetition of the part Jungkook had messed up. Each time it sounds better than before. You like listening to them talk. Yoongi talks so tenderly to Jungkook and in return Jungkook speaks with so much gentleness. Their voices never reach their full volume, staying at a level which feels relaxing to listen to. You are starting to get droopy because of it. Drawing becomes so incredibly relaxing.

It just so happens that tension returns when Taehyung followed by Jimin enter the room. You can sense it instantly, Yoongi is tense, as is Jungkook. You lift your eyes, coming face to face with their crotches before lifting your head.

“___ I need to talk to you”, Jimin says.

Yoongi is on his feet instantly, pressing himself between you and Jimin. Jimin scowls in distaste, darkening his eyes at the older vampire.

“It’s alright, hyung”, Taehyung says, stepping in between them, “we come in peace, I promise you.”

“I know you do, it’s him I don’t trust.”

Jimin frowns.

“Take my word for it, he wants no harm”, Taehyung assures him.

“It’s okay Yoongi”, you say, tugging at his sleeve.

“Fine”, Yoongi gives in, retreating back to his sitting spot, “I’m keeping an eye on you, Park Jimin”, he warns.

“Yeah whatever”, Jimin dismisses him, changing his gaze to you. He stares at you without saying anything.

You lower your pen, “what do you want?”

“I wanted to-”, he stops himself, groaning loudly.

“Okay? Good for you?” you say, turning away to return to your drawings.

“No. Look at me, you fucking idiot”, Jimin hisses, earning himself a look from you, “okay fine, fine. Fine. Urgh”, he rolls his eyes, “I’m sorry that I forced you to drink my blood”, he says, “there. Is that good?” he is talking to Taehyung.

“Wow, so genuine”, you say sarcastically, “I feel so moved.”

“Don’t give me- shut your-”

“Jimin”, Taehyung interrupts him, “you told me that you would be truthful.”

Jimin glances at him, rolling his eyes.

“Fine. I’m sorry for forcing you and for blackmailing you and for basically risking your life. I shouldn’t have done that and I see now that it was wrong”, he says in one breath, looking at Taehyung for approval afterwards.

“And?” Taehyung stresses.

“And I’m sorry for being sassy about it”, he says to Yoongi, “you have all the right to be angry.”

“I want to murder you slowly”, Yoongi answers him in a cold voice.

Jimin blinks at him in bafflement, taking a step back. 

“But I won’t”, Yoongi finishes his sentence, “just as I won’t forgive you. You’re an awful person Park Jimin and one day, Taehyung will realise it too and you will lose the only person still willing to keep up with your shit. And when that day comes, I will bathe in your misery.”

“You’re dramatic, aren’t you?” Jimin murmurs, cocking his right eyebrow up.

“No. I’m not. I’m realistic. You think Namjoon made you the way you are?” Yoongi scoffs, “he’s not here anymore and yet you’re still awful. You’re just a shit person, that’s what you are”, he says, looking back at Jungkook, “you’re doing well, Kookie. Your finger placement is getting better and better”, he speaks softly, reaching out to caress Jungkook’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“You think so? I feel so silly doing…”

Their conversation fades into the background as you are busy, looking at Jimin and Taehyung. 

Taehyung nudges Jimin again. 

“What?” the latter hisses.

“Say it”, Taehyung whispers.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, you promised.”

Jimin stomps his foot like a little boy, pulling a grimace of disgust.

“Say it”, Taehyung stresses with angry eyes.

“Fine”, Jimin gives in with a groan, flitting his eyes to you. “I’ll try to do better from now on”, he murmurs, looking so not at all happy about having to speak.

“You will?”

“Yes, I won’t drink your blood anymore or force you to drink mine and I also won’t try to….insult Yoongi.”

“I’ll still insult you, bastard”, Yoongi murmurs.

“You know what, you little shi-”

“Jimin”, Taehyung interrupts him, “you promised.”

“He called me a bastard.”

“Cause you are”, Yoongi throws back, locking eyes with Jimin.

They are equally angry, lost in the most intense staring battle known to mankind.

“You’re a bastard too”, Jimin growls, “and your nose looks-”

“Okay, that’s enough”, Taehyung steps in between, “Jimin, take a walk.”

“No?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I tell you so.”

Jimin groans, “fine, I’m taking a walk. Fuck, you’re so annoying.”

And with that he turns around and stomps out of the room. The living room door falls closed loudly. The front door follows seconds later.

Taehyung turns, carrying a grimace of awkwardness.

“Well, this is embarrassing. I thought that he would truly try”, he says.

“That’s very sweet of you, Tae. Thank you for talking to him”, you say.

“I’m surprised he listened to you”, Yoongi murmurs, attention still on Jungkook.

“I took your words to heart. I am no mouse.”

Yoongi lifts his eyes, lips curling into a proud, barely there smile.

“You aren’t”, he says, painting a smile to Taehyung’s face.

“I’m so confused. What does this mean?” you murmur, looking between them.

“There is one person in this room who still deserves my apology however”, Taehyung says, “Jungkook.”

The latter messes up his play, fingers tightening around the guitar neck.

“I know that what I did to you was awful and unforgivable, but I wanted to apologize nonetheless.”

Jungkook turns his head, jaw tense and eyes cold in anger.

“I’m so sorry. You weren’t just a distraction. You never were and I felt awful saying those words to you. I still feel awful.”

“So why did you?” Jungkook spits.

“Because I was scared that if I didn’t push you away, Jimin would have done so for me. And that would have ended way worse.”

“I can handle a Year One reborn vampire, trust me”, Jungkook throws back, “you don’t have to protect me.”

“I know, but I still felt as if I had to.”

“Well, you hurt me way more than Jimin ever could have because you thought that you needed to protect me.”

“I’m sorry. I truly am.”

Jungkook gnaws on his lower lip in contemplation, eyes running up and down Taehyung’s frame.

“I’m so sorry”, Taehyung whispers.

“Mhm”, Jungkook hums and nods his head in acknowledgement, “thanks.”

“Not at all”, Taehyung exclaims, hurrying to sit down next to him, “you deserve to know.”

Jungkook cranes his neck, “why are you sitting so close?” he says with slight flustered disgust.

“He’s got the tendency to do that. I think it’s a tactic of his”, Yoongi murmurs.

“No, it is solely because I enjoy to be close to you”, Taehyung throws back, grinning boyishly.

Yoongi clicks his tongue, Jungkook looks back at the guitar. 

“Where were we, hyung?” Jungkook murmurs.

“Place your fingers like this”, Yoongi tells him, fixing the position of his fingers, “let’s start from the beginning, yeah?”

“Yeah okay”, Jungkook says, acting oh so busy by beginning to play the guitar whilst Yoongi acts oh so busy by watching him play.

You snicker, exchanging a look with Taehyung. Those two are so similar sometimes.

Taehyung leans closer to you, resting his chin on the table.

“Darling?” he asks cutely, looking up at you with big puppy eyes.

“Yes, Tae?”

He places something metal on the table and grins, pulling his hand away to reveal your ring to your eyes.

“My ring?” you gasp.

Taehyung giggles, “yes, I never got the chance to give it back to you.”

“Tae, thank you”, you say, gazing down at him.

He smiles shyly, nudging your hand with his fingers, “may I put it on for you?”

“About that”, you begin, present your hand to him.

Taehyung’s eyes flit to the ring on your finger.

“Huh?” he lets out.

“Yoongi made it for me. It’s made especially for me so it can’t slip off”, you explain.

“Oh”, Taehyung lets out and sneaks a glance at Yoongi. The latter is looking at him with a stern expression. Their gazes break. “I see”, Taehyung says and touches the side of his neck.

“I hope you understand”, you say, studying his features. He seems disappointed and just a little sad.

“Yes of course I do”, he says and smiles, “this ring will keep you very safe, I am sure of it”, he says and sits up. He lifts your hand to his lips, placing a sweet kiss upon your ring and then another on your knuckles. 

You relax. 

“It will keep you safer than I did”, he whispers and looks into your eyes, “you look beautiful with a ring on your finger, darling.”

Flustering greatly, you lower your eyes back to your drawing, scrunching your nose up.

Taehyung chuckles and kisses your hand once last time before he allows you to slip free. He takes his ring and turns.

“I don’t quite know what to do with this now”, he says and looks at Jungkook, “do you want to have a ring?”

Jungkook shows of his ring finger, “Yoongi already made a ring for me, sorry.”

“I see”, Taehyung murmurs and lowers his eyes.

“Keep it for yourself”, Yoongi tells him, “you’ll be protected from Namjoon’s compulsion.”

“I could do that, couldn’t I?” Taehyung says and slips it on, “mhm, I don’t feel different.”

“Cause that’s not how magic rings work. You won’t feel the effect until someone tries to fuck with you and fails”, Yoongi says.

“I see. Well, then I shall wear it from now on”, Taehyung says, showing off a small smile.

“Thank you for returning it though, Tae”, you say, making him look at you, “it was really thoughtful of you.”

“Of course”, Taehyung says. He rests his chin back on the table and gazes up at you, running his fingers up and down your back mindlessly.

You return to drawing, enjoying his innocent touches with soft tingles dancing down your spine.

“What are you working on, darling?” he asks you.

“Just some sketches for home”, you show them to him.

“What are those?” Taehyung asks, pointing at the little squares on your drawing.

“Those are supposed to be raised beds. It’s my plans for the meadow behind the greenhouse.”

“I see. Are you planning on planting vegetables there?”

“Yes and fruit trees and berries. Yoongi told me that I can change it to my liking. So I decided that I wanted to turn it into a food garden.”

“I see, that sounds lovely”, Taehyung gives you a smile, “and exactly like work you’d enjoy. It is a shame that it will be autumn soon.”

“Don’t say that, gosh it makes me sad.”

“Why?” Taehyung laughs, “isn’t autumn the best season? It is when we met”, he laces his fingers with you.

“If you say it like that”, you feel the need to giggle.

Taehyung joins in, lifting your hand to his lips to kiss your knuckles softly.

“And after autumn comes winter and that means that we can cuddle up under the dome and watch the snowflakes again.”

“That is if we can manage to return home in time”, you say, missing the guilty look Yoongi sends your way and the way he seems to lower his head right after.

“Of course we will”, Taehyung insists, “we will be home just in time for Christmas. Am I right, hyung?” he turns to Yoongi.

“I don’t know”, Yoongi answers him quietly, avoiding your eye contact at all cost.

“I believe we will and then we will hold the grandest winter holiday party the world has ever seen.”

“Really?” you gasp.

“Of course. We will decorate the entire estate, bake the sweetest cookies, give each other presents and sing songs all night.”

“That sounds like a dream”, you say, eyes sparkling at the thought of it.

“And I will cook the greatest meal you have ever tasted.”

“Yeah sure”, Yoongi scoffs, “because you can cook.”

“I’d like to argue differently. How difficult can a good holiday meal truly be?”

“Very actually. You have to get the flavours right and make sure that the meat is cooked just perfectly and make sure the side dishes compliment each other. It is a very tedious process. One that requires a lot of skill.”

“It sounds doable.”

“Please don’t. I’ll cook, you just take care of the decorations.”

Taehyung grins, “see? That’s how you get our Yoongi to agree to the holiday party.”

“Hypothetically”, Yoongi grumbles, “I’d cook hypothetically.”

“Do it for ___.”

“Stop trying to use this on me. I’m not doing everything just because of her.”

“Please Yoongi Boongie?” you try.

“Fine, I’ll do it. You can have your stupid party”, he gives in instantly, making you and Taehyung snicker. He rolls his eyes, “I’m surrounded by brats. All of you. One day I’ll whoop your asses.”

“What did I do?” Jungkook gasps.

“Nothing, you’re just generally a brat. Keep playing”, Yoongi grumbles, touching the back of the younger vampire’s head with soft fingers.

Jungkook grins, playing the melody almost perfectly. You listened to him play it for the past few days and you are so proud of all the progress he made. Like with everything Jungkook sets his mind on, he is making oh so much progress in such a short amount of time.

Taehyung turns to Jungkook, even going so far as to point his knees at him.

“You are playing really well, Jungkook”, he says.

Jungkook glances at him, “thanks”, he murmurs, playing even better as if he wanted to proof something to Taehyung.

“I have always loved the guitar. It is a very beautiful instrument and so versatile.”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

“Have you played it for long already?”

Jungkook shakes his head.

“No? Well then this is remarkable! You play so well that I thought you must have been playing it for years already.”

Jungkook stops his play.

“What are you doing?” he asks Taehyung.

“Nothing”, Taehyung laughs nervously, “I am merely telling you how it is.”

“You’re trying to get me to forgive you, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps a little?” Taehyung confesses, touching the side of his neck, “I must confess that I miss our talks.”

“You can talk to my hand”, Jungkook says and lifts his hand, making Taehyung’s shoulders sag in sadness. He studies his sad expression, almost drowning in the scent of honesty lingering behind it. He inhales deeply and exhales loudly through his nose.

Wordlessly, he takes off the guitar strap and puts the instrument onto Taehyung’s lap.

“Can you play too?” he asks.

“Me? Oh no”, Taehyung laughs nervously, “I couldn’t.”

“Try it”, Jungkook insists.

“Oh dear, you are asking me things”, Taehyung murmurs, lowering his head to look at the guitar instead. He places his fingers into the right position for a C chord, strumming it as quietly as possible. Next he tries to go for a B chord, messing up when he tries to change to a D chord. He lifts his head, cheeks rosy in embarrassment.

“See? I told you, I am no good”, he says.

“You’re right, that was awful”, Jungkook says, making Taehyung chuckle.

“I feel so embarrassed”, he confesses.

Jungkook’s face morphs into an expression of amused happiness.

“It’s fine. I heard that you’re really good on the violin.”

“Who told you that?”

“___. She says that you play it really well.”

“She does?” Taehyung looks at you.

“I do. You’re really good. You should show us.”

“No, I don’t want to bother you”, Taehyung says honestly.

“Show us”, you encourage him, but Taehyung shakes his head.

“Do it”, Yoongi says, painting the greatest expression of surprise onto Taehyung’s face.

“Really?” he asks quietly to which Yoongi nods his head.

“If that is so, I will get my violin urgently!” Taehyung says and jumps to his feet to disappear out of the room.

“I like this”, you say, looking at Yoongi and Jungkook with a love drunk smile as you rest your cheek on your propped-up hand for support.

Jungkook looks a little shy whilst Yoongi looks at you with the softest eyes ever.

“I have returned”, Taehyung announces himself, “what do you want to hear? I can play almost everything.”

“Tschaikovsky”, Jungkook says.

“A lover for romance, I see. He created the most beautiful melodies”, Taehyung says, lifting his violin to his shoulder, “very well. Here is Melody, Op 42 number three. Solo version”, he says with a chuckle and begins playing.

You feel warmth well up in your heart listening to him play. You haven’t heard him play ever since Jimin died. And even afterwards when he returned and life should have been easier for Taehyung, he didn’t play. Almost as if something was still weighing him down. Something you perhaps deep down knew of and yet even speaking it aloud felt impossible to do. Even now you don’t want to speak it aloud for right now it was taking a walk and out of your mind.

You are so happy that Taehyung finally took up his play tonight. His eyes seem to glimmer in a sort of aliveness with which they haven’t done so in way too long. His back seems so much straighter too, straightening even more once he finishes and you grant him a round of applause.

Even Jungkook claps, looking highly impressed.

“Thank you, thank you”, Taehyung says, bowing deeply.

“That was really good”, Jungkook says.

“You truly think so?” Taehyung asks to which he nods his head.

“It was incredible”, you say, standing up just so you can take him into a hug.

Taehyung stumbles into it, resting his chin on your shoulder with widened eyes and his arms stretched from his body in surprise.

“I missed your play so much, my darling”, you whisper, squeezing him as tightly as possible.

“Oh”, Taehyung lets out, not knowing what else to say.

You step back, keeping his face between your hands in a gentle hold.

“You have to play more for us, please.”

“I don’t know. Should I really?”

“Of course. Right guys? One more song?” you say, addressing the others.

“Sure”, Jungkook agrees.

“I’d be down”, Yoongi says.

“Well then I want to play with you, hyung”, Taehyung says.

“Me?” Yoongi gasps.

“Yes, just like we did in the past. The melodies we created.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I haven’t played them in ages.”

“Please, just one song.”

“No, let’s not do that.”

“Please”, you beg, “I want to hear you guys’ music.”

Yoongi studies your face.

“Me too, I want to hear too”, Jungkook throws in.

Yoongi looks at the piano in the corner of the room.

“Please.”

“Fine, one song”, Yoongi gives in with a grumble and stands up, “don’t come crying to me if I mess up”, he says, stomping to the piano and sitting down on the stool aggressively.

He rolls his neck twice then cracks his knuckles.

“What song?”

“Dance of the Leaves. The fun one”, Taehyung says, “you know it well”, he adds, lifting his violin into readiness.

“Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this”, Yoongi murmurs before giving Taehyung a nod to signal him that he was ready.

Taehyung begins playing, Yoongi joins him at the right time. Together they create the most fun two minutes and twenty eight seconds of your life, almost making you squeal because of what you can bear witness to. Not once they mess up, harmonising perfectly. Almost as if they had played this song a million times before and perhaps they did. It would explain why they manage to fit together without struggle, why they instantly found each other’s rhythm and why they worked together so well. It makes you wonder if there were happier times between them in the past and that makes you so incredibly happy, because it means that such times can be achieved again.

They end it by exchanging a look and while Taehyung seems to want to deepen it, Yoongi breaks it instantly, touching the side of his neck.

“Oh my god!” you can’t stop the squeals anymore, running to them, “this was amazing! Holy moly, you guys are so talented! I have goosebumps!”

You tug Taehyung with you just so you can tug Yoongi to his feet and then take both of them into a tight hug.

“I’m crying, this was incredible!”

Taehyung chuckles, petting the back of your head with fond eyes.

Yoongi rubs his hand up and down your back, “don’t cry.”

You lift your head, grinning up at them.

“You guys are the best people ever”, you tell them, beaming in happiness.

“Oh”, Yoongi flusters, lowering his eyes.

Taehyung smiles brightly, stubbing the tip of your nose with his own.

“Tell me, have you ever tried dancing to it?” he asks.

“Of course not, that’s ridiculous”, Yoongi says instantly, wiggling out of the hug just in case.

“I haven’t, is it any fun?” you ask Taehyung. 

“Of course it is”, Taehyung says, “come, follow my steps.”

He begins playing a melody on the violin, showing off the steps slowly. You giggle, following him after having watched him enough times.

“Exactly. You’re a natural”, Taehyung exclaims, laughing happily. He increases the speed of his play and with it your steps. 

“Oh god, not so fast”, you laugh, reaching for his waist. 

“You can do it, look, kick your foot just like this”, Taehyung laughs as you follow him, “perfect!”

He jumps, turning around with it. His eyes lock onto Yoongi. 

“Yeah no”, he says, sitting down on the piano stool instantly. 

“Come on hyung, I know that you can do it”, Taehyung says, slowing down the play solely for showing the steps to Yoongi. 

“No. I’m not dancing. That’s ridiculous.”

“Please.”

“No”, hisses, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

Taehyung doesn’t let his mood get spoiled, twirling around just to serenade Jungkook as he dances his way to him. 

Jungkook stumbles back, looking nervous yet intrigued. 

“I don’t know if I can”, he says, watching with great intent. 

“Of course you can”, Taehyung says, doing a little curtsey, “your turn, you watched the steps.”

Jungkook tries, painting a blinding smile onto Taehyung’s face. He squeaks out a laugh and speeds up his play, mirroring Jungkook’s steps. 

The two vampires do a synchronised kick and jump, almost toppling over in laughter afterwards. 

“You’re a natural, Kookie”, Taehyung says, using the melody to dance his way to you in swirls.  

You welcome him with a squeaky giggle, starting your dance with a little jump. One that Taehyung answers with a jump and twirl, making you laugh with it. Oh it has been too long since he last danced with you. It is a first that he is both the dancer and the musician in such a situation. It makes the entire moment so much more fun. He is so talented and such a delight. 

Not long and Jungkook has danced his way closer to you, joining the dance by taking your hand and twirling you three times.  

“Dizzy”, you squeal, stumbling into him.

“This is so much fun”, Jungkook giggles, holding both your hands to do a little kick with you. 

“It’s so fun”, you agree, cheeks hurting in happiness.

“See? I told you”, Taehyung says, twirling away from you whilst bending his back in his quick violin play. He is still dancing as he does, locking his eyes back on Yoongi who seems interested in the whole scene until he feels Taehyung’s eyes on him. 

He shifts his eyes away then, closing his legs and hiding his hands between them. 

Taehyung stands himself right in front of Yoongi, forcing him to look at him if he wanted to or not. 

“Join us”, he says. 

Yoongi shakes his head. 

“Live. Remember?”

Yoongi lifts his head, making eye contact with Taehyung. 

“Fuck”, he presses out, forcing himself to stand up. 

Taehyung grins, twirling back around to dance his way back to you and Jungkook, who have stumbled into giggly hugs and dance steps by now. You break away again when Taehyung returns, bringing Yoongi with him. 

“My love”, you exclaim, falling around Yoongi’s neck, “I’m so happy that you decided to join.”

“I was forced”, Yoongi murmurs, holding you so tightly.

“Oh hush, you’ll love it. Follow my steps, I’ll do it slowly”, you tell him, leading him whilst holding his hands. 

Yoongi follows you with furrowed brows. They aren’t furrowed in anger, but pure concentration. 

“You are doing so well”, Taehyung says, keeping the melody slower just for Yoongi to learn. 

“Now a jump”, you say, doing it instantly.

Yoongi does it too late, stumbling to catch up with you again.

“What the hell are you doing? Why are you jumping?” he whines, making you laugh. 

“You are so much fun”, you say, twirling without warning him first. 

Taehyung watches you with a smile and speeds up his play again. Jungkook catches you, getting right into jumping with you. You circle Yoongi as you do, who acts like he doesn’t enjoy it but is blushing like crazy whilst standing completely still.

And soon the four of you find yourselves in a moment of utter happiness. Even Yoongi dares to do a little kick at some point, holding your hands as he does and feeling so happy that he laughs afterwards and does it again. At some point you manage to do an especially impressive combination of steps with Jungkook, showing off by including one of the many swing steps you practiced with Taehyung. 

“You are so wonderful, darling”, Taehyung exclaimed as that happened, earning himself your attention. And while you danced with him as he serenaded you with happy melodies, Jungkook tried to dance with Yoongi and succeeded. He did so groggily but with fond eyes, even letting Jungkook twirl him. 

At some point it also happened that the living room door opened and Hoseok followed by Seokjin and Emma entered the room

“Uh what?” Emma gasps.

“What’s going on here?” Hoseok asks.

Taehyung, who was previously busy with getting a big smooch from you, lifts his head. 

“Dancing. Come, join us”, he says, letting you pull him back into a kiss afterwards. 

“That’s so funky!” Hoseok exclaims and joins you without hesitation. Somehow he knows how to move instantly, doing the steps with his own take on them. He makes it look so smooth and fun. 

Seokjin bows at Emma. 

“M’lady”, he says, offering her his hand.

“You’re such a charmer, my moon”, she laughs, letting herself get dragged onto the improvised dance floor here in the middle of the living room.

You look around yourself. They are all here. Your family. Having fun and laughing together. This is your reality. Not dark corridors and shadowy figures, but laughter and people who love you. You look back at Taehyung, who seems to only have eyes for you. You kiss him, even if he messes up his play because of it. 

“I fucking love you”, you say, squeezing Taehyung’s face after kissing him oh so deeply. 

Taehyung smiles, “I love you too”, he says. 

“I feel so alive, fuck”, you say, breaking away from him just so you can dance on your own. 

You meet Hoseok on your journey, laughing and twirling with him until you feel dizzy. You stumble into Jungkook, holding his hands and doing kicks until he accidentally ends up kicking your ankle. 

“I’m so sorry”, he gasps, but you only laugh and pull him into a big smooch on the lips.

It leaves him standing frozen on the spot for a good ten seconds afterwards, lips parted and eyes big. It takes Hoseok to rip him out of his trance. 

“Dance with me, JK”, he says, taking his hands.

Your journey ends at Yoongi, who is sitting on the couch by now. You basically fall into him after twirling too many times, butt colliding with the soft cushion. 

“Careful”, he says, placing his hand on your lower back to stop you from tumbling off.

“I’m okay”, you tell him, resting your hands on his thigh. You giggle, “I twirled too much”

“I can see that.”

“Why are you sitting here?”

“I can’t dance.”

“You can. You looked good doing it.”

Yoongi studies your features.

“I don’t know”, he murmurs, “can’t I just watch you guys? I feel better doing that.”

“Of course”, you nod your head, stumbling to your feet, “do you really not want to? One more please?”

Yoongi takes your hand and kisses your knuckles, “go princess, I’ll be watching you.”

“Really?”

He nods his head. Your hand slips out of his grasp, leaving behind just the slightest hint of a cold shiver. Is he acting that way because he is angry at you for what you did to Suzy?

“___”, Jungkook interrupts the tightening of your chest, twirling you away from Yoongi without having noticed what had happened before, “come on, let’s jump together”, he says, taking your hands to jump in a circle with him.

It is only him who jumps first whilst you just turn with him. But then he looks so happy and content with what he is doing that you soon feel the need to jump right with him. Jungkook begins laughing when that happens, soon joined by Seokjin and Emma and later Hoseok. Now you are holding hands, jumping and laughing all whilst circling Taehyung who barely even manages to play the right notes as he laughs way too much to concentrate. 

“What is going on here?” it is the sound of Jimin’s voice that stops your dance.

“Jimin! Come join us”, Taehyung says, dancing his way to the black haired vampire. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Dancing. We’re dancing”, Taehyung says, still smiling oh so brightly, “join us too.”

“Why should I?”

“It’s fun. Come on, you know those steps.”

“Are you out of your mind? Why should I dance right now?”

Taehyung stumbles, messing up the dance steps. 

“Because it’s fun”, he says.

“You’re so childish sometimes. I don’t have time for that.”

Taehyung messes up his play to the point where he completely forgets to play.

“But-”

“Come now, I want to leave. It stinks like sweat in here”, Jimin says, trying to get Taehyung to move.

“No”, Taehyung says, lowering his violin, “I don’t want to leave right now. I like spending time with them, stop trying to drag me away all the time.”

Jimin blinks in bafflement, taking a step back.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I am tired of always missing out on everything just because you are jealous and can’t stand it when I have other friends besides you.”

“Wow”, Jimin clicks his tongue, “I see how it is. Wow.” 

And with that he turns to storm out of the house again. Taehyung flinches as the door falls closed.

He turns, looking at all of you with fearful eyes. 

“I, I should probably check up on him”, he says, “right?”

“No darling, stay”, you say.

“I think I was too harsh”, Taehyung whispers.

Yoongi closes the distance between him and Taehyung. He places his hand on his shoulder.

“No, you weren’t”, he says, “come on”, Yoongi says softly, caressing Taehyung at the back of his head as he watched him do to himself so many times before, “do you want to play another one of our songs?”

“You wrote so many songs. You guys are so cool”, you say, hurrying to Taehyung as well to hold his waist, “can’t you play it for us, sweetest?”

“Yeah, we wanna hear”, Hoseok agrees. 

“I bet it sounds wonderful”, Seokjin says.

Taehyung lowers his eyes. 

“Fine, let’s play another song”, he gives in, allowing you and Yoongi to push him to the piano. 

“Let’s go!”

“That’s what I like to hear!”

“Tae! Tae! Tae!”

The others are cheering, doing so with lots of enthusiasm. 

Taehyung plays two notes and then he stops. He lowers the violin.

“What’s wrong? It was good”, Yoongi says, staring at Taehyung with worried eyes.

“I don’t want to play”, Taehyung whispers, “I’m too upset.”

“My darling”, you gasp, hurrying to his side hastily, “I’m here.”

Taehyung falls into your chest, resting his head on your shoulder. 

“Why did nothing change?” he whispers.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did nothing change? Why am I, I still so sad?”

You look at Yoongi for help.

“He means that Jimin didn’t change even after waking up from death”, he explains and judging by how much closer Taehyung presses himself, he was right. 

You feel so sad, squeezing Taehyung with all you got. You need to squeeze the pain out of him, hold him so tightly that he knows that he will never be alone. 

“I thought that my grief would never end and then it did until it didn’t”, Taehyung whispers weakly, “why can’t I be happy?”

“Because you’re hanging out with an asshole”, Yoongi says, earning himself a warning look from you. He closes his mouth, looking just a little lost for words.

“What Yoongi wanted to say is that Jimin treated you very poorly lately and you have all the right to be upset because of it. But you have to know that you aren’t alone in this”, you tilt Taehyung’s head up, cupping his cheeks, “I will never leave your side and neither will the others.”

“I don’t want to fight”, Taehyung presses out sadly, “I, I never wanted to fight”, he says, shaking his head vigorously, “I don’t want to fight with anyone here.”

“We know, darling Tae. We know that you don’t”, you assure him.

“I’m so fucking upset”, Taehyung presses out.

Yoongi stands up to leave after giving Taehyung’s head a little pat.

“Where are you going?” you ask him.

“I have to talk to someone”, he says and closes the door behind him.

“He’s going to talk to Jimin, isn’t he?” Seokjin asks.

“I think so.”

“Do you think that he’ll finally kill him?”

Taehyung lowers his head sadly, whimpering in the desire to cry.

“No, he won’t”, you say instantly, pulling Taehyung against your chest, “I told him not to and he respects that. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh no, I wasn’t worried, I was actually-” Seokjin stops talking when he sees you cradling a terribly broken Taehyung, “oh, uhm. I was actually just saying that I…hope he doesn’t, uhm, break his promise.”

“And he won’t. I trust him unconditionally.”

“I don’t want to fight”, Taehyung whispers.

“We know that sweetest, don’t worry.”

“It’s not your fault, Taehyung”, Emma says, “we figured out by now that you don’t want what Jimin wants.”

“Yeah totally”, Hoseok throws in, “tonight was really cool. And I think that you’re really fun to hang out with.”

Taehyung nods his head, acknowledging them that way. 

“I want to sleep”, he whispers.

“Of course, let’s get you to bed. You don’t mind guys, do you?” 

“Not at all. Sleep well, uh, both of you”, Seokjin says.

“Dream well”, Emma says, caressing Taehyung’s arm on your way out, “you’ve got us, Taehyung.”

“You’re really funky, Tae!” Hoseok calls after you as well.

“See? You’re not alone my darling. You’ve got all of us.”

Taehyung rests his head against you. He isn’t alone. For weeks and weeks and weeks he felt so utterly alone, so helpless and abandoned. For weeks he felt unloved, unwanted, judged and maybe even hated. And now he doesn’t anymore. He isn’t alone anymore. Taehyung sobs in pure relief, drawing closer to you 

“Almost there darling, almost there”, you assure him, holding him oh so tightly.

You do his skincare after your shared shower, kissing his features softly with every chance you get. Taehyung enjoys it with closed eyes and his hands always making sure to hold a piece of you. Whether it be your hips, your arm, your shoulders or your hand. He needs just one piece of you and then the tranquillity of being with you can’t leave him.

You open the bathroom door when someone knocks at the door as you were busy with brushing out his hair. It is Jungkook in his pyjamas and his hair fluffy from brushing it.

“Hey Kookie, what are you doing here?”

“I thought that I’d come over before sleep and check on you. Tonight was crazy, right?” he says, claiming the spot on the bathtub next to Taehyung.

“It was pretty crazy, but also fun. Taehyung, you play so well”, you say, caressing his soft hair. 

“Thank you. I had fun too”, he says, but sounds just the slightest bit sad. 

You study him and then Jungkook. I’ll try, he tells you with a lift of his eyebrows.

“I’m outside for a bit, I’m getting our pjs”, you say.

Taehyung nods his head.

You disappear afterwards, closing the door behind you on your way out. 

Silence surrounds them. Jungkook turns his head to Taehyung. Taehyung doesn’t. He just keeps it lowered, picking at his skin.

“I get now why you did it”, Jungkook says.

Taehyung halts and turns his head, eyes widened in shock. 

Jungkook sends him an honest smile, the kind which doesn’t show his teeth but is still incredibly warm. 

“You were so cool tonight. I had so much fun dancing with you and the others”, he says. 

Taehyung looks at Jungkook’s lips.

“Fuck”, he presses out, “don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m vulnerable tonight and words like that make me want to do things I’ll regret later.”

“What things?”

“Things like grab your silly face and kiss you until you’re breathless because quite frankly, you’re one of the sweetest men I know and it’s driving me insane that you aren’t being kissed that way.”

Jungkook lets out a disbelieved chuckle.

“Don’t laugh at me, I can’t bear this tonight.”

Jungkook takes Taehyung’s hand from his lap just so he can pull it on his own. 

“Why don’t you?” Jungkook asks in a whisper.

Taehyung looks at his lips and shakes his head. 

“You’re so unfair.”

“Why am I unfair?”

“Because-”, Taehyung doesn’t finish his sentence, instead he grabs Jungkook’s face to pull him into a kiss. 

He whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut. And as Taehyung completely loses himself to the kiss Jungkook stumbles to his feet just so that he can claim the emptiness between Taehyung’s legs. He cups the older vampire’s cheeks, tilting his head up as far as it can go. Taehyung sighs shakily, wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s waist while his fingers seem to almost rip his shirt from how desperately he tries to hold him. It is the kind of desperation which aches for one simple thing. The comfort of another person’s closeness. 

And Jungkook gives it to him by pulling him to his feet and hugging him to his body. They stumble, colliding with the sink and breaking the kiss that way.

They are both out of breath, chasing the other with desperate hands. This is everything they craved for weeks.

“Fuck, Kook”, Taehyung croaks, clasping Jungkook’s face with clammy, desperate fingers, “holy fuck. I’m so fucked.”

“No you’re not. You’ve got us, we’re here for you.”

“It’s not that. But you’ve got me breathless”, Taehyung says, laughing softly.

Jungkook chuckles, “wasn’t that my job?”

“I messed up somewhere along the way.”

At the Jungkook full on laughs, shoving the older vampire only to pull him back into another kiss afterwards.

The kind which makes Taehyung’s knees wobble and for his body to fall into him. 

You manage to walk in on them kissing, stopping in the doorway only to stare. 

Well, that is definitely not how you expected that conversation to go, but you aren’t complaining.

Jungkook seems to notice your presence, breaking the kiss and turning his head. Taehyung chases him, whimpering softly as his lips try so hard to steal another kiss.

“You’re back”, Jungkook says, finally bringing Taehyung back to reality. 

He turns his head, “darling?” his voice is raspy from kissing with so much emotion.

“I feel terrible. I didn’t think that you were making out like that, should I leave again?”

“No, stay”, Taehyung reaches for you and tugs you to him. He places his hand on the back of your head, holding it still so he can kiss you. He does so by pressing you against Jungkook’s chest, using the position to tug Jungkook closer too, caging you in between their bodies. 

“Tae, mgnm”, you get out, flustering incredibly because his eagerness surprises you greatly. 

Taehyung whimpers, breaking the kiss with trembling lips. 

“I need affection”, he confesses, “please.”

“Hey, of course. That’s why I brought you the softest pyjama. You’ll feel so cozy in it. Do you want to put it on?”

“Yes please”, Taehyung begs, shedding his bathrobe without shame. 

“Come, let’s do it outside”, you say, tugging him to the bed to sit him down on it. 

Taehyung lifts his arms to make it easier for you. He stands up when you need to tug his pants up and then he lets you hold his head and caress his cheeks with his eyes closed. 

“You’re so handsome, my sweetest”, you whisper, “those pjs fit you so well.” 

Taehyung smiles softly.

“Aren’t they so soft?”

“Yes, so soft”, Taehyung answers you, dropping his head out of your hands just so he can bury it in your chest, arms wrapping around your waist, “you are so much softer.”

You place a kiss upon the crown of his head, staying close by keeping your nose buried in his hair afterwards. 

“Let’s get under the sheets yeah? I’ll hold you just like this”, you suggest to which Taehyung nods his head and then crawls under the blanket. 

You join him quickly, welcoming him back in your arms. Taehyung hides back in your chest, shivering as he exhales shakily. 

“Should I leave?” Jungkook asks. 

“No, stay”, Taehyung says, “please.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook gets on the bed behind Taehyung, crawling under the blanket so he is able to be his big spoon. 

“Like this?”

“Yes. Thank you. You are both so warm”, Taehyung whispers, falling asleep moments later.

#bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #vampire!bts #yoongi fanfic #vampire!yoongi #taehyung fanfic #vampire!taehyung #jungkook fanfic #vampire!jungkook #hoseok fanfic #vampire!hoseok #seokjin fanfic #vampire!seokjin #jimin fanfic #vampire!jimin #namjoon fanfic #vampire!namjoon #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fanfiction #vampire!bangtan #fanfic: magnus venatio

[anonymoosen]

ZIMPAI SHIZPOST STORY PART 5: REALISATION 🤯⁉️

(WE’RE GETTING REAAAL CLOSE TO THE LAST PART GUYS-)

(THE LAST PART WILL BE RLLY SHORT CUZ THIS ONE IS PRETTY LONG KSSKDK)

Our lovely majestic tsundere green lizard boi ELEEEGANTLY pranced over to Dib-chans house with the cherry blossom petals blowing as intensely as ever.

“DEEEB-STINKKK BAH-KAAAHH!! I HAVE RETURNED AND- BLEHHH WHY DO THESE PINK FLOWER THINGIES KEEP HITTING MY FACE!?!”

Dib-chan immediately crashed through his own window from his room and landed on top of Zimpai, “accidentally” pinning him to the ground like that romantic move a lot of people use in movies.

The big headed boy giggled cutely with the usual sparkles in his eyes, “Ooooh woopsiess!! I totaaally didn’t know this cliche romantic trope would happen!!”

The alien rolled his and blushed deeply from the close proxZIMity and the way his crush’s voice sounded like the most adorable thing in the whole world— even cuter than their old class pet hamster, Peepi! (hehehehe peepeepoopoo)

Wait- NO! This is a disease! A CURSE!! The Dib-thing wanted me to fall prey into his hands this whole time!! Zim immediately shook his head and pushed Dib away. Dib-chan looked to the ground and wondered worriedly if he had gone too far in invading the invader’s personal space.

(HELP I JUST DOODLED THIS ON MAH PHONE SO BADLY 5 MIN AGO-)

Zim-kun tried not to feel bad about Dib looking a bit saddened and growled, “GRRR YOU’LL NEVER CURSE ME WITH THAT STYOOPID FEELING!”

Dib sighed and tried to hold back his once again returning sparkling anime tears. Of course it was one sided. Of course he got rejected by even the most annoying alien in the world. Who would even want some creepy weirdo like Dib?

Meanwhile, Gaz was eating popcorn while the whole cheesy but slightly angsty in a way Fanfiction scene played out. “Why are they acting even stupider than usual?” The whatever-colour-her-hair-is girl asked out loud. The question was then answered by a familiar British voice. “Innit!” Gaz blinked.

“Uh- what?”

“WAIT WHERE DID THAT BRITISH STEREOTYPE OF A WORD COME FROM- I MEAN-” The dark purple / indigo / dark blue (HELP IM BAD AT COLORS) alien girl continued, “Ahem, I meant that this whole anime stupidity Fanfiction scene was all part of my revenge plan! MuahahahAAHAHAAHHA!!”

Gaz face palmed. Was the hideous not-so-new girl, Tak, the one who she once viewed as the biggest threat to earth, THIS pathetic??

“Dude- you’re STILL plotting your revenge on these idiots? And you’re doing it by zapping them with some in-real-life-anime gun thingy??” Gaz asked, trying not to sound slightly intrigued by this. Tak saw the undeniable interest in Gaz’s eyes and smugly nodded. The shorter of the two gave up and shrugged. At least she had some show to watch! (even though it was too cheesy and stupid for her liking sometimes)

Back to the main drama going on, Zim noticed Dib trying to hold his tears and gulped. Why the heck did he even feel bad about his ENEMY?? He’s supposed to HATE that big headed dork! The dorkiest dork ever! The cutest- WAIT-

The alien tried to look away. However, it couldn’t be helped. The so-called ‘curse’ was too strong, like the big-headed boy was a magnet pulling Zim’s eyes to look at his adorable face.

Could it beeeee… that the feeling Zimpai was feeling…

WASN’T a curse?!11!1?! hOW ShoCKiNG-

NO!! (Z)IMPOSSIBLEEE!! Invaders needed NO ONEEEE!

…But no one is perfect, and Dib can be his no one-

“LIEEESSS!” The alien desperately screeched out loud on the top of his lungs (or whatever aliens had). Dib raised an eyebrow in confusion, distracting him from the overwhelming sadness he was trying to hide. “I…uhhh- didn’t say anything…?”

———

WELP ZIM IS SLOWLY (SO FRIGGIN SLOWLY) REALISING HIS FEELINGS FOR DOBBLE DIBBY BOO BOO BEAR MIGHT BE REAAL!1!1!1 HOW UNEXPECTEDDD!1!1!

(HELP ME IM RUNNING OUTTA IDEAS SO IM MAKING THIS A VERY VERY SLOW PROGRESS FOR THEM FIRKFK)

———-

FIRST

PREV

NEXT

#invader zim #dib membrane #zim #zadr #my art #moosenarts #anonymoosen #zimpai story #invader tak #gaz membrane #ZIMPAI #DIB-CHAN #ZIM-KUN

[stormblessed95]

https://www.tumblr.com/stormblessed95/732209717977448448/not-you-who-used-to-say-they-were-couple-and-fight

Lord knows i cannot stand people like this who honestly think that the way to know people are dating or not is by their “moments”. Anon, I didn’t know we were all watching a Jikook movie. It is like Jimin and Jungkook aren’t real people who deserve a right to privacy, no they always have to brandish their lives to us 24/7 cuz they need us to always have proof of them being a couple or not.

It seems to me that some of you just do not understand that when circumstances change, certain things change as well. Look at you talking about Jikook having no moment. Anon, how are we supposed to see their moments as much when we aren’t getting as much content of them as a group anymore? How do u expect to get the same kind of moments when everyone is pretty much busy doing their own stuff now? Unless u are a fly on the wall or u have a camera hidden in Jikook’s houses, how tf would u know what they are up to? See you talking about “Jk keeps saying he is busy but has time to hang with his gang while Jimin is home alone” lmaooo. Anon, since u live with Jikook and know what they are up to all day, can u tell me what Jimin had for breakfast this morning? I’d really like to know. People like you who think they know all all the boys’ movements really make me laugh. Tae literally posted a photo a few weeks ago of vminkook in Jeju. If Tae didn’t post those pics would any of us have ever known those three were in Jeju together? Did u see them, did they tell you? We know that sometime (maybe) around chuseok Jikook were probably together doodling on their phones. Did u see them do that anon? Jk said Jimin keeps coming to him and saying “peuriri” and he’s heard it soo much that he is scared he might say that on stage by mistake. So i guess Jk was hallucinating when Jimin kept coming to him and saying this cuz according to your logic, Jk is “busy” and doesn’t have time to see Jimin and only makes time for his gang, yet we keep getting information that shows that they actually see each other much more than we know. Do u honestly think the only way Jimin and Jk can see and spend time with each other is by going out to hang out or doing challenges together? How shallow are you? Yes the truth is that these days, we don’t have enough information to really determine the nature of Jikook’s relationship. We see very little of them and know very little too and i guess that it why it is safe to say they might or might not be cuz things change, but judging from the “2 sec Live” we watched a few days ago, and everything else that has happened in chapter two with Jikook, it seems like nothing has changed about how they feel for each other. It is clear that they still love each other so much and are still very present in each other’s lives. The only thing that is different is that we don’t have content anymore. So stop with ur stupidity anon.

Also, queer people sing about straight sex and girls all the damn time u idiot. Do u think artists only sing songs they personally relate to? Artist sing both songs they relate to and songs that they don’t. They may release songs that are trendy, or that sell. So u think that Jk singing about girls debunks Jikook is one of the stupidest things u can say and i hope u don’t repeat that anywhere else. For one, Jk didn’t write any of those songs. Scooter braun literally brought “Seven” all prepared and wanted Jk to sing it cuz he thought his voice will match well with the song and Jk liked the idea. The song is catchy and trendy. Jk too had no writing credits for 3D. He is JUST the performer and while the performers may relate to the songs they sing sometimes, they don’t always. Besides what on earth did u expect? Did u expect Jk to start singing about fucking men when he is still (probably) closeted? Lmaooo. Some of y’all are really stupid.

Jimin and Jungkook’s lives are not up for display. They don’t live their lives to provide “moments” for shippers. If u want to think Jikook is not real because u don’t see their moments anymore, be my guest but keep ur stupidity to urself and stop being a pest on Jikook blogs.

*sorry I'm late posting your response to that previous anon, i dont have anything to say really, but happy to post your rant for you*

#jikook antis #jikook #kookmin

[finn-m-corvex]

Whumptober Day 23: Stalking

Day 23! Another one that was giving me some trouble until I finally settled into a rhythm! This one is a bit clunky at some points, but I think it's fine. If anything it just adds to the charm!

Taglist: @splinnters @abigailxoxo @tornoleander @mondothebombo @ghostwalloper @toastingpencils37 @lightning-chicken

Words: 2.1k

There was something following him.

But Jay couldn’t figure out what it was.

After having a hellish last night and needing some sort of distraction, he had only been sent on a simple grocery store run, just for a few items for Zane to make for dinner, and it wasn’t supposed to take more than an hour at most. Staying on the phone with Nya the whole time definitely added to his time, but it was necessary unless the team wanted Jay to come back with the most random shit in the store instead of the actual groceries. Crossing things off of the paper list that Zane printed out for him, Jay also made sure to tell Nya when he got an item, where she would then cross it off on her own list to mitigate his habit of doodling on the paper.

Sue him, he got bored and needed something to do with his hands.

Now, two hours later, Jay finally started to walk home with all of the required items (and a can of cream cheese frosting that he and Nya were going to share), and this was supposed to be the easiest leg of the journey after the ADHD hell known as grocery shopping on a budget.

Jay didn’t comment on the footsteps that seemed to follow him for the past two blocks, instead only keeping one ear open for them and listening to Nya with the other. The grocery trip had done wonders for keeping his anxiety down at the moment. Stepping in the puddles littering the sidewalk made him antsy, but at least it made listening out for the footsteps a little easier. Nya was complaining about Kai, saying something about how much room his hair gel was taking up in the bathroom and how he was being a shower-hog. If Jay wasn’t preoccupied then he most likely would’ve been joining in.

“--can you believe that?! You take up three whole shelves of the bathroom cabinet for your stupid hair products but it’s my problem because I have too much skin care stuff?! Ugh!”

“That’s awful,” Jay agreed. He learned a long time ago how to do the verbal smile and nod trick with Nya, and he hoped that she would never pick up on it.

“Right? I can’t even deal with him. I ought to throw his hair gel straight off the side of the Bounty.”

“But we both know that you won’t,” the footsteps behind him changed, and Jay’s lungs tightened when he realized that the stranger had stepped off the street and into an alley. That wasn’t good.

He needed to switch up his route a bit. It would take longer, but that was fine; at least the stranger shouldn’t be able to follow him across the street without him noticing.

Crossing was easy, and Jay made sure to go over as many puddles as possible so that the person would have no choice but to make noise. Noise was good, because noise was going to keep him safe, and Jay was great at making noise. As long as he kept Nya talking, then he should be okay.

That didn’t mean it was good for his anxiety though. Walking around Ninjago City at night never scared him when he was in uniform, but when he was walking in his civvies? Not a great feeling. Someone really had to talk to the mayor about getting the bulbs in the streetlamps replaced, because every other one was out and Jay found himself almost sprinting to make it to each one. And to make it even worse, he didn’t bring any of his weapons with him.

Nya didn’t pick up on his inner distress when the footsteps picked back up, right back behind him like nothing happened. “Yeah, I guess I won’t. But he’s on thin fucking ice.”

“And being the master of fire doesn’t help,” Jay always made stupid puns when he was nervous.

“Jay,” Nya sighed, and despite everything that was going on it still made Jay feel a bit better.

The footsteps grew closer, and Jay was tempted to just throw the groceries on the ground and sprint away. Surely the others would understand once they heard his reasoning, right? But Jay knew that he couldn’t do that, both because Zane might actually say something unkind to him and Cole might kick his ass for ruining dinner, and Jay didn’t want to ruin dinner.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

Stomp. Stomp.

Stomp?

People needed to come with built-in rearview mirrors, and Jay was kicking himself for staying on the phone with Nya; if he had his phone free, he could’ve used his camera to check behind him and see who the hell was following him. Who the two people were, actually.

“Okay, Walker,” Jay mumbled, low enough that Nya wouldn’t hear it over her rambling, “you can do this. Just gotta get a little creative.”

If he took this next side street, made a left, crossed again up there and then ducked behind that one weird building that no one ever liked to walk past…

Yeah, he could make this work.

He was fairly sure that the only reason he wasn’t being jumped yet was because he was on the phone, and he needed to keep it that way. “Nya?”

“What’s up?” Nya asked, finally stopping whatever she was saying about Kai and giving him her full attention. Jay’s anxiety must’ve bled into his voice.

Turning left, Jay tucked himself closer to the buildings on his side, hoping that they might help him to hide away and blend into the background. Maybe he could try that cool thing people do in the movies where they shed their jacket and it’s like they’re a whole new person. Would that actually work? “I think I’m being followed. I need you to keep track of my location and pick me up at the corner of Avenue and Lint.”

Avenue was such a stupid street name, and whichever dryer company sponsored the creation of Lint Street needed to be banished to the Cursed Realm. Jay was quick to tell Nya this information, mostly because he didn’t want his pursuers to know that he was calling for help. Also because his anxiety was making him blurt the first thing that popped into his mind.

The grocery bags were getting harder to hold onto as his palms started to slick with sweat, and Jay tightened his grip and picked up the pace. Plastic digging into his fingers, Jay vaguely thought about whether or not the grocery bags could cut into his fingers, and maybe he could make a joke out of it.

“Hey,” he said, “do you think that if the bags were heavier, I would eventually start bleeding?”

“You know that’s not funny,” and yet Jay could hear the smile playing on Yang’s lips, because it was the kind of ridiculous question that only he would ask. “Alright, we’re on our way. Think you can make it there in ten?”

“Ten? What do you take me for? I’ll make it five.”

“If you make it five then you’re going to be early.”

“Shit, seriously?” Jay snickered despite the situation. “Well, you know me. Punctual is my middle name. Tell Cole that he better have twenty bucks ready for me.”

Something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye as he passed one of the alleys: a third person. Man, tall, long coat and a hat covering his face, watching for when Jay crossed the mouth of the alley, and Jay saw him move after him. Now there were three of them on his tail, and the shadows between the streetlamps were stretching longer and longer out. These people knew what they were doing.

This was only more apparent to Jay when a fourth figure stepped out in front of him to block his way.

Gotta change course again. “Change of plans, might be there in ten minutes after all,” Jay ground out, taking a deep breath and turning abruptly to walk across the street. He really hoped that a car wasn’t going to come barreling down this road.

“How many are after you?” Nya asked, alarmed. Jay felt the same way.

“Four, I think. They’re trying to box me in.”

He heard the sound of keys clacking; Nya must’ve relocated to the main control room. “Hold on, I’m pulling up the security cameras so I can track you.”

“Can’t you just see my location through your phone?” Jay asked, his heart hammering away in his chest. The anxiety from before was starting to wash over him again, threatening to pull him under and not let him back up. Nya must’ve picked up on some of it, as she was quick to start reassuring him as she sifted through Kai’s too many tabs to find the security feeds.

“I can, but I need to be able to see how many are following you,” she explained. “Aha! I see you. You were right, there’s four, and—”

She stopped talking, and Jay’s stomach dropped. “Nya? What is it?”

“Jay, please tell me you have a weapon or your suit.”

“I don’t have either, why?” Jay walked faster, and he knew that he was making himself look more and more suspicious. “Nya?”

“They have guns,” Nya said breathlessly, fingers flying over the keyboard. She sounded worried. “You may have to fight them.”

“Not when I have the groceries,” and he turned the corner much faster than he needed to. If the people following him didn’t realize that Jay was aware before, they definitely knew now.

“I don’t give a flying fuck about the groceries, I need you to get home,” Nya said tightly. “Whatever you do, do not hang up this phone. Stay on the line with me.”

“If I don’t bring the groceries back then Zane and Cole will actually kill me—”

“And I’ll kill them if they do that,” Nya growled. “Stay on the phone, be ready to drop everything and run if I tell you to.”

His anxiety was raging around in his chest like a caged animal. Jay felt his lightning start to flicker under his clothes, but he did his best to keep it contained. The mayor had asked very nicely that the Ninja not use their elements in the city when there wasn’t an emergency, and Jay didn’t think that this qualified as an emergency. Putting as much force into his steps as possible did little to alleviate the anxiety; Jay felt like he was caught in a free-fall with a broken parachute.

Just keep moving. He had to keep moving. As long as he stayed on the move, they couldn’t catch him.

“Why didn’t I bring the suit?” he muttered angrily. Rage boiled in his blood, both at himself and at these people who thought that they could take on one of the most skilled fighters in all of Ninjago.

More clicking and clacking. “Because you didn’t think that this was going to happen, and it was just supposed to be something to ease your mind. Don’t be upset with yourself,” Nya assured, but it did little to make Jay feel better.

The distance between the lights was getting farther and farther apart, and Jay was glad that he knew how to navigate his way through the shadows. It was a new light every hundred feet, and then two hundred, then three, and suddenly…

Suddenly there was no more light.

Whoever was doing this had sabotaged the rest of the streetlamps.

Every instinct in Jay’s body was screaming. He knew how to fight in the shadows, but he did not have the ability to fight right now. Hands seemed to form out of the darkness, reaching for him, and Jay veered away from them as best as he could while staying on the sidewalk.

It had been seven minutes. Three minutes left.

“What are you doing?” Nya asked. Jay forgot that she was still watching him.

He couldn’t catch his breath. “There’s no more lights. T-There’s stuff trying to grab me.”

“No one’s trying to grab you, honey. I would be able to see them if they were trying to. But I do need you to pick up the pace a little bit; they’re catching up behind you.”

“Nya, I can’t see. There is no light.”

“You see the light blinking on the camera?” Nya asked, and Jay looked to the sky. Sure enough, there was a small red dot a ways away across the street. “Follow it. I’ve got your back, Jay.”

And the breath rushed back into his lungs for the final push. He could do this. He knew that he could do this. Tightening his grip on the bags once again, he pushed the sounds of the footsteps out of his mind and focused fully on the red dot. “I’m with you, Nya. Show me where to go.”

#ninjago #ninjago jay #finn's writing #ninjago nya #whumptober day 23 #whumptober 2023

[eurydicees]

44 for the taylor prompts?

this ask is a YEAR old, it is TWO THIRTY AM, and i FINALLY got an idea that i couldn't get out of my head for it. here are my humble offerings.

the kind of best man who leaves the wedding first

summary: tamaki and haruhi are getting married. kaoru watches over the remnants of something else that used to be. prompt: the ties were black, the lies were white pairings: tamaki suoh/haruhi fujioka, tamaki suoh/kyoya ootori words: 2103  warnings: none 

Kaoru hums, running his pen in long, curving, meandering lines across a blank piece of paper. Kyoya is talking to him, or, really, he’s talking at him. Kaoru is very much not listening. 

Kyoya has been talking about the same thing for the past two hours—which is two hours worth of talking more than Kaoru really came here to listen to, and two hours more than he had ever expected to come from Kyoya without a breath to pause—and Kaoru would expect to be annoyed, but he’s mostly just tuned him out by now.

The thing is that he can’t really bring himself to be annoyed. Kyoya is just anxious, same as everyone Kaoru spends his time with seems to be these days. To be fair, it’s not like Kaoru himself isn’t also anxious. It’s more that his coping mechanisms for anxiety involve less throwing himself into obsessive planning and organizing and fretting over every detail of every plan, and more taking calming breaths. He’s been in a lot of therapy recently. Him and Hikaru both. He thinks maybe he should recommend someone to Kyoya. 

“—and he asked me to be his best man,” Kyoya says. Ah. Finally. The point. Kyoya’s voice turns low, quiet. “I don’t—just—” 

“You can’t have expected it to be anyone else,” Kaoru points out. He lifts his chin from the palm of his hand to look at Kyoya. “You’re not stupid.” 

Kyoya sighs, pressing his face into his hands; elbows on the table and hunched over. His voice is muffled when he says, “I expected it. That doesn’t mean I’m ready for it.” 

“You’ll be fine,” Kaoru says, rolling his eyes. “You spent three years of high school planning parties on his behalf. You can throw one more.” 

“Fuck, I have to plan the bachelor’s party?” 

Kaoru frowns at him. “Is that not what you were worried about?” 

Kyoya sighs, dropping his hands onto the table and leaning back in his chair. “I was mostly thinking about how terrible Haruhi is at party planning. And how Tamaki will literally do anything to make her dream wedding happen. Even if it’s ridiculous.”

“It’s gonna be terrible,” Kaoru snickers. Which is a little mean, but also. He’s not wrong. 

“Supportive,” Kyoya says, rolling his eyes. “And I—forget it.” 

Kaoru straightens up, setting the pen down and turning to study Kyoya more closely. “What?” 

He and Kyoya have gotten much closer over the years, especially in Kyoya’s third year, when he started training Kaoru to take over his job in the Host Club, and he’s gotten good at reading Kyoya. But this expression is different—he looks contemplative, closed off, unsure, and hidden, all in a way that he hasn’t looked in years. 

Kyoya has gotten so much better at the whole friendship and vulnerability thing as time went on—something Kaoru knows can mostly be attributed to Tamaki—but there are still moments when he shuts down. When he reverts back into a shadow more than a star. Those kinds of moments—this kind of moment—only really comes when he’s scared. 

“Kyoya—”

“It changes people,” Kyoya says, steadily not looking at Kaoru. He reaches out to pick up the pen Kaoru had been doodling with, and he clicks it open and closed again and again and again. “Marriage, I mean. I saw it with my sister. With Honey. With Mori. It just…it changes people. And relationships. Friendships. They change.” 

Kaoru hums. “I suppose.” 

“There are just—fuck. I don’t know.” Kyoya stares at the pen, something distant in his gaze. “There were so many times when I thought—” 

He cuts himself off again, and Kaoru waits. The way to get Kyoya talking is never to ask him a question. Kyoya blinks twice, and Kaoru stiffens. He’s not sure he knows what to do if Kyoya cries. He had prepared for a lot of things when Kyoya called him that morning, telling him to come over immediately and offering no other explanation, but Kyoya crying at his kitchen table is not one of them. 

Kyoya takes a shaky breath and clears his throat. “I don’t know. It’s nothing.” 

“It’s clearly not nothing, Kyoya. C’mon. It’s just me.” 

Kyoya closes his eyes, tipping his head back to angle his face at the ceiling. Kaoru watches, somewhat helplessly, as Kyoya confesses, “There were so many times when I figured I was going to lose him, and it never truly happened. But now…I think this might really be it.” 

“Kyoya…” 

Kyoya swallows, looking down and shaking his head a little. “It’s fine. I knew it was going to happen eventually.” 

Kaoru is quiet. He watches the now twenty-two year old Kyoya as he starts clicking the pen open and closed again, and he sees Kyoya as he used to be. 

Seventeen, in Music Room 3, with Tamaki hooking his chin over Kyoya’s shoulder to look at his laptop screen while they talk about the budget. Haruhi, calling out Tamaki’s name in the distance, asking for a ride home because of the thunderstorm. 

Sixteen, the two of them in that same spot, waltzing without music, Tamaki’s hands on Kyoya so tightly it must hurt; the most honest smile that Kaoru has ever seen on him; a moment that no one else was supposed to see. 

Fifteen, trailing after Tamaki as Tamaki called the twins each by their name. His hands in his pockets, a book under the hook of his arm. Calling out, “Stop bothering them. Let’s go home, Tamaki.” 

And Tamaki—

It dawns on Kaoru, then. “You love him.” 

Kyoya clicks the top of the pen so harshly that it gets stuck. He drops the pen on the table. Now, there’s something angry about his expression more than there is anything sad. Like he can’t even be heartbroken because he’s too caught up in being mad at himself for having the feeling in the first place. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Kaoru says softly. “You can talk to me about it.” 

At that, Kyoya outright laughs. It’s bitter, and tired. “It’s not a secret, Kaoru. He knows. He’s well aware.” 

Kaoru frowns. “Did you tell him?” 

Abruptly, Kyoya stands up, the chair legs scraping back with an awful noise. Kyoya runs a hand through his hand, starting to pace around. He looks like he wants to talk, wants to scream something at the top of his lungs, maybe, but doesn’t have the words to explain what he’s feeling. 

He makes a frustrated noise and drops his hands to his sides. His back is to Kaoru and his face is to the wall when he finally speaks again. 

“We were together,” he says quietly. “Through most of high school.” 

Kaoru’s heart lurches into his stomach. “Oh.”

Kyoya shrugs, the movement stiff. “We both knew it couldn’t last. Our families—and then Haruhi—and we wanted at least one of us to get a happy ending.” 

“Oh,” Kaoru says again. His tongue is too big for his mouth, his teeth too sharp. He feels like he needs to say something else, but what else is there to say? He doesn’t have the words for this either. “Oh.” 

“It’s fine.” Kyoya takes a deep breath, one that echoes around the room. “It’s fine.” 

“Is it?” 

Kyoya turns around. His face is cold, impassive again. “It is. Don’t—we don’t need to talk about this again.” 

“Okay,” Kaoru says quietly. 

He looks down at where the pen has rolled onto the scraps of paper Kyoya had been sitting in front of. When Kaoru had come into the kitchen, all of the paper had already been there, but he hadn’t actually looked at any of it before starting to doodle over one. 

Now, he pulls a piece of the lined notebook paper towards himself to take a closer look. 

“Is this your best man's speech?” Kaoru asks. 

Kyoya sighs. “It’s terrible.” 

Kaoru reads another few lines. “It could use some editing.” 

“I was trying to be funny.” 

“Yeah, but you’re not funny.” 

“Thanks.” 

Kaoru snorts. “This line’s funny.” 

Kyoya steps over, leaning over Kaoru’s shoulder to see the line he’s pointing out with his finger. “That one was supposed to be sincere.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Kaoru says, sighing. “We’ve got a few months, let’s work on this.” 

He and Kyoya spend the next few months working on the speech, amongst other things. By the end of it, Kaoru has memorized it himself, and he could probably give the speech in Kyoya’s stead if Kyoya were to bail at the last minute. But for all that Kaoru can tell Kyoya is hurting over this, he knows Kyoya isn’t going to bail. Kyoya may be hurting, but he’s much too loyal to Tamaki to disappear when Tamaki needs him—the last time Tamaki will need him like this. 

The thing is—Kyoya claims to have always known that he and Tamaki wouldn’t have lasted. But Kaoru is sure that doesn’t make it any easier to handle watching the love of your life get married to someone else. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with watching your best friend walk into someone else’s care. 

It’s not like Tamaki is helping make it any easier, either. 

He’s as oblivious as ever. With each passing day of wedding planning that Tamaki painfully ropes Kyoya into in an attempt to make it perfect, it’s clear that Tamaki has no idea that Kyoya is still in love with him. 

Tamaki asks him for advice on suits and Kyoya’s eyes linger too long and Tamaki just basks in the attention. He makes Kyoya help out with music choices, despite everyone knowing Tamaki is the one with good music taste. Kyoya is with them at almost every planning meeting, and some of it can be reasoned down to not letting the two of them make the decisions, but it also looks like it’s killing Kyoya every time he comes back to report to Kaoru. 

“The colors are going to be a kind of blue sea foam and pale pink,” Kyoya says tiredly. “Haruhi wanted green and purple. Tamaki wanted aqua and lavender.” 

It’s everything I can never have with anyone, his eyes say. It’s everything I wanted with him. 

“Thank fuck you were there,” Kaoru says. 

I’m so sorry, his own expression says. 

Now that Kaoru knows that the two of them were together, he sees it everywhere. He makes a photo album for Tamaki and Haruhi, and it’s in every photo he can find from high school. He helps Honey with a video reel, and it’s in the way the two of them gravitate towards each other at every opportunity. He writes his own speech, and it’s in every memory he has of the two of them in the same place at the same time. 

The day of the wedding comes, and it’s beautiful, and they all give their speeches, and they exchange memories and photos and gifts. Both Tamaki and Haruhi are breathtaking in their suits. Ranka cries. Kaoru cries. Hikaru does too, but he won’t ever admit it, despite the many eyewitnesses. 

It’s after the ceremony, when they’re all celebrating at the reception, that Kaoru spots Tamaki going over to Kyoya. Kyoya is nursing a glass of champagne at a table by himself, and Tamaki seems to be trying to convince him to dance. 

Tamaki is looking at him pleadingly in that annoyingly convincing way he does and from where Kaoru is standing with Honey and Reiko on the dance floor, it looks like Kyoya is about to give in, in the same way that he always does. Then, before Kyoya can nod and stand and take just one dance with Tamaki, Haruhi comes up to them and wraps a hand around Tamaki’s waist. 

It’s not possessive and there’s certainly no malice, because that’s not the kind of person Haruhi is, but the shift in Kyoya’s body language is easy to read even from a distance. Haruhi says something that Kaoru can’t hear, and then she’s stepping back, Tamaki’s hand in hers. 

Tamaki smiles at Kyoya, a little sad, and kisses his cheek. It’s a gentle, lingering motion. It must burn. Then he turns and follows Haruhi to go dance as a married couple. 

Kaoru is pretty sure he’s the only one watching Kyoya, so he’s the only one who gets to see Kyoya put the tips of his fingers to his cheek. Who gets to see him take a deep breath, and then drop his hand. 

And then he’s the only one who notices when Kyoya stands, gathers his suit jacket, places a single envelope on the table, and leaves the wedding early.

#YES THIS IS BASED ON THE SHERLOCK EPISODE SHUT THE FUCK UP. IM REWATCHING. #my writing #ohshc #tamakyo #kyoya ootori #tamaki suoh #kaoru hitachiin #ouran high school host club #ouran host club #kyotama #ootori kyoya #hitachiin kaoru #ouran fanfic #ohshc fanfic #kyouya ootori

[theghostbunnie]

How do you feel about Candy as a Character vs. The character you made? I’m honestly just interested in the character you have for Candy and her relationship with Nikki

HI THANK YOU FOR THE ASK, V GOOD ASK I'M HAPPY TO AWNSER

My version of Candy isn't actually supposed to contradict what we know of her already, more so really really build-off-from and completely take and run with what little we were given about her.

I'm fine with anyone's HCs I believe everyone should have fun and it doesn't have to match cannon! but in the same note if we're talkin' character analysis and not HCs they often don't even target what she did wrong and just go "whore." And. Uh. Yeah never been a fan of that.. Not a fan of how she was supposed to be a "golddigger joke" or something in the show either but ehh.

She's not a bad mother because she was on her phone or because she wears tank tops or because she has sex or anything else I've heard while being in this fandom dear GOD SKSKNDJN but this post will literally be 3x longer if I get into my takes on that so it's a different post if y'all want it one day.

Candy didn't remember something important, something traumatizing for Nikki and that's where her flaws lay. Their communication is lackluster. I think it makes her a flawed parent and a flawed person but it doesn't mean "she's scum of the earth condemn this woman to hell immediately," she still loves Nikki and shows she does in the same episode she tells her not to karate chop strangers and get them sued so she doesn't just let her do whatever. She refers to her as "my angel" and Nikki looks up at her when everyone is eating with this smile and they LOVE each other and raaahhh I love the sillies so much.... Cryinhng..

I've mentioned in my post about Neil's mother how I believe that the egg episode they're mirroring their own parents and Nikki being so worried about fucking up her egg and not knowing what to do and being unprepared and scared. I HC Candy had Nikki when she was like 20-21 and recently kicked out by her own mother and she had no support or knowledge of what to do or how to care for a baby and it was SO much trial and error but it bleeds into my HC about Nikki where she has all these big thoughts and emotions but gets regarded as simple minded by her peers because she can't find a way to express them verbally and comes off simple minded or stupid. This doesn't stop her from feeling complicated things it just stops her from being understood.

((literally the whole Christmas episode is her going "I love this thing so dang much!!! I can't tell you why though. I'll know it when I see it.?))

So when you have a unprepared parent who's working by trial and error and you can't verbalize to them the errors or make sense of your feelings that's where issues come in!!

Minor New episode spoilers: Nikki can't write eligibly when she writes letters to her mother. I think is some great potential to be visual storytelling about this if I ever could make a fic. Her handwriting is bad. She gets excited and doodles and scribbles. You can't make out what she's saying. Maybe her mother never even got to know about what happened in the flower scouts because she said it over letter.

Candy still sent her there and lied about it being adventure camp and I hc it was done not because she wants to force feminity on Nikki or anything (if that's the case Nikki would be dead like literally 💀 she needs dirt to live) but because she wanted her to make friends and since she had such a good time as some version of a scout herself she thought Nikki would too. She loves Nikki and supports her wolf-kinning and playing in the mud but of course is concerned she's estranging herself from other people by barking and biting them and sending her out into the woods she would've just continued to ignore people in favor of animals. Candy had a "it'll be good for her!" Type rationalization about lying.

Then next summer she wanted to make her happy and followed through with going to adventure camp for realsies and was scatterbrained about it and misremembered the previous year's sign up for that one.

A misunderstanding didn't hurt Nikki any less. You can have all the good intentions in the world and still screw up and accidentally hurt somebody you care about.

Personally I love depicting Candy as being really really affectionate with Nikki and she calls her not only "my angel" but variations of "baby/sweetie/hunny" and the biggest nickname she has for her is probably "sunshine"

Candy also can't cook lol she tries but it's the only thing in the world Nikki won't eat is her mom's cooking so Candy buys them TV dinners and premade stuff alot. They have "barbeque nights" where Candy brings home ribs and they watch TV together and live in this lil trailer home near a forest. (In the first trailer for camp camp we see Nikki using a slingshot on cans with flowers painted on them and I'm like yeah her back yard just goes directly into the woods I know it does)

I actually HC Candy's off and off boyfriend/husband Andrew is the one who'd force gender roles on Nikki if at all. Guy who jokes about "hookers and blow" ((Infront of his 9-10yo daughter)) with his friends yk that guy.

Please take these walls of text I've sent to a friend about Candy 🙏 also that's meant to say spots not sports 😔

Also I wanna mention Candy isn't even her actual name she got it during her time in the adult film industry (🌽) and it's actually Caroline. She doesn't really introduce herself as that anymore. Sex work in general is often an abusive industry and highly exploitive so she's got some baggage from her time there and falls in and out of being a stripper aswell and struggles to hold down a job that can support her and her daughter and it's part of multiple reasons why she keeps going back to her ex husband bc he's well-off. ((Cannonicaly bought her a car and lawyers))

She didn't even know for sure if Andrew was the father, some AUs I have he turned out to be the father in some he didn't, but she chose to tell him because he could give her daughter the best chance in life and support her education and allthat.

#oh my goodness this is gonna be a huge post huh #I'm so sorry to my low attention span followers/gen #fandom headcanons #head canon #character headcanons #camp camp hcs #nikki cc #cc nikki #candy camp camp #should i use the main fandom tag for this I'm actually embarrassed i wrote so much about a one off character #fuck it we ball #camp camp #camp Campbell

[lollytea]

I don't know if anyone has said this before, or who came up with the idea but Hunter would absolutely be the kind of person to doodle himself and willow as wolves and in love whilst kicking his feet and giggling (as soon as someone else walks in though he would be throwing the entire book out the window)

It's so funny because Hunter has a tendency to talk to himself. He's very loud. But I think he'd be drawing his little wolfsonas and getting so giddy and overwhelmed by the thought of it that he is rendered incapable of even articulating what he's feeling but he still has to make some noise.

He's so embarrassed that he's doing this and also he's so PUMPED by how much fun he's having and he's jittery with how smitten he is with his little self indulgent wolf au and he's getting a thrill from it because there's nobody around to stop him and nobody will ever know. He is cringe but he is free. So he's overstimulated, he's kicking, he's giggling, he's squealing a little, he's trying to make words but all that's coming out like "WHAT IF-!!" *scribbles a green streak in wolf!Willow's fur* "SO COOL!! IT'S--JUST GOTTA--AAA!!! TEETH!!!" *makes wolf!Hunter's teeth sharper* "YES!! YESSS!!!!!"

Like he's trying to be low-key about it cuz this is supposed to be a secret but the whole fucking house can hear him. They're politely ignoring the racket he's causing.

He's like a little mad scientist bringing his creation to life. Except his creation happens to be his drawings of him and the girl he likes as wolves nuzzling together.

That's the kicker here that's making him go fucking bonkers. Hunter draws wolves all the time and he shoves them in the face of everybody who will look but drawing himself and Willow being affectionate wolves is a HUGELY personal thing. Hunter's equivalent of pouring his heart out in a love letter or whatever.

And God if Willow happened to catch him in the act and he's got nowhere to throw it, he might be inclined to eat the fucking sketchbook. He was SO in the zone and SO gushy that Willow sneaking up on him spooked out a full blown scream of terror. His whole face is set fucking ablaze. All he can really do with the sketchbook is drop it, fucking lunge after it and clumsily scrabble to make a grab for it before it hits the floor and clutch the stupid thing close against his chest like it's his first born, still heaving as he recovers from his fright.

Willow hadn't meant to scare him, she just wanted to see what he was doing. He was usually excited to show her his little drawings. He'd also blush really bad when she complimented them, which was super cute, so Willow usually sought out stuff to praise him for. Wasn't hard. He WAS the coolest dude ever.

Willow can absolutely tell he's embarrassed and she assumes it's because he doesn't think his latest drawing is very good. He often points out when he messes up proportions or other errors, so it's not unlike him to be shy about showing others art he's not proud of.

"Can I see your drawing?" She asks with a soft smile. She has no intention of pushing it if he says no, but she's always curious to see the stuff he makes.

But a detail Willow hasn't entirely grasped yet (she gets the basics) is that the softer her voice gets, the harder it is for Hunter to tell her no. He can clearly tell she's not pressuring him into anything. He can tell she's giving him plenty of an option to keep this to himself. She's always just SO nice to him and ugghhhh!!!!

Completely mute, eyed locked on the floor, ears scalding, Hunter ends up handing her the sketchbook.

And Willow goes completely fucking batshit insane.

"Is this us??" She demands, pumped as hell. "Is this us as beasts??? That's so fucking cool!!! Look at sharp your teeth are, look how awesome my hair looks!!!" She catches him by the face and squeezes his cheeks "You are SO talented!!!"

Willow praises him RELENTLESSLY and Hunter's just there like

He really does gobble her attention up. He really does. Gets him all floaty and smiley for hours afterwards. Nerd.

Anyway Willow is obviously aware he has a bit of a thing for her but she doesn't know a lot about wolves. So the specifics of their little affectionate touches in the doodles completely fly over her head.

"Are our wolf selves friends?" She asks "Is that why we're hugging like that?"

Hunter's ears light up like poppies and, knowing full well that he added those gestures of affection with the idea in mind that their wolfsonas were mated for life, decides to choke out "Um. Yeah. We're friends."

Its not technically a lie. They're just very good friends.

Anyway Hunter nearly fucking faints later that day when Willow tucks her head in the crook of his neck, nuzzles into it then smiles up at him and says "It's just like we're wolves :D 💕"

#i love cringe!hunter #cringe is such a mean word for what hes doing here and i dont mean it at all. #hes just a kid having fun #but i cant think of a more appropriate adjective #but you KNOW the vibe im describing when i say cringe #the earnest unironic adorable joy kids have for things #and until i can find a better word for that.... #cringe (affectionate) #huntlow

[duskwoodgirl4life]

A/N here is my Christmas oneshot I've been learning to take my time when it comes to writing. Hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I have loved writing it.

I wasn't going to put up decorations this year but Jessy and Lilly convinced me to put them up. They came round to help me get everything looking christmasy but it's not a happy Christmas not for me it isn't. Things just aren't the same without Jake; he's been gone now for almost 4 months. In that time he's contacted me maybe 10 times and that's when he's been able to. I miss him so much his stupid job took him away from me. Why did he have to take up a job with the FBI? Sure it wasn't too bad in the beginning but now that he's been gone this long with barely any contact. My heart feels like it's breaking. I keep thinking he's going to walk through the front door any moment. 

Every time my phone rings or a message comes through my heart feels like it's skipping a million beats. I think I have started to get used to the disappointment of it not being Jake. When I spoke to him he kept telling me this is his last job working away and that he will be back in duskwood. Duskwood police offered him a job after he gets back from where he is. He wasn't even allowed to tell me where he was going. I hate the FBI and I hate Jake for leaving me this long. 

I don't even want to put up these stupid decorations, I just want to rip them all down and throw them away. Right now I feel so bitter and angry my heart feels like it's broken and can't be put back together. I try my hardest to put on a brave face around the others. I really can't handle Dan telling me he told me so because if I hear him say it I might just punch him. I do my best to snap out of my mood and pretend I am happy as far as the others are concerned nothing is wrong. 

I feel like I am full of so much hate after everything that's happened, this was going to be our first Christmas together as a couple he promised he would be here. Instead I have to wake up in an empty bed on Christmas day. He should be there next to me. I'm so lost in my own thoughts I don't see Jessy standing next to me. I feel her hand on my shoulder. I could never hide anything from her. She always knows when something is wrong. 

I turn to look at her and I can see that she knows something is wrong, “it’s okay to be angry and upset, I know how much you miss him” Jessy always knows how I'm feeling without having to say it. “This is not how it's supposed to be, he's supposed to be here helping put up decorations and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows” Jessy smiles warmly at me and pulls me in for a tight hug. “I know one thing this Christmas you are not going to be alone, you have me and the others. We will make it as special as possible” 

Jessy is starting to make me feel a little better and I want to be able to at least have a good Christmas this year. “You know what your right Jessy, I want to be able to have a good Christmas. Why don't we play doodle friends? but this time we draw on the white board from Jake's office” Jessy smiles and runs off into Jake's office to get his white board. I pour myself a glass of wine and wait for Jessy to get back. Everyone gathered around Dan insisted on going first; he likes to think he's some sort of picasso. 

“Right silence genius at work” I couldn't help but laugh at Dan's comment he starts to draw hoping that it's going to be better than the cigar/skull he drew last time. He starts drawing a face, adding way too much detail, finally he adds a pair of earrings. Everyone is shouting out guesses and getting it all wrong. I suddenly realized what it is that Dan's going on about. “I've got it, it's earrings” everyone is shouting at Dan for his stupid drawing of course he's arguing back. 

We carry on playing for a few more hours then everyone leaves “are you sure you don't want me to stay over MC?” I smile and hug Jessy. Her heart is in the right place. “It's okay Jessy I'll be fine, I will be seeing you all tomorrow anyway at Cleos” right now I just want to have time for myself and Jessy understands that. “Okay MC if you change your mind just text me and I'll be right over” I hug Jessy once more before saying goodbye. “I will Jessy, see you all tomorrow morning” 

Everyone has left. It's so quiet without them all here. The silence just fills the room, I keep myself busy and tidy up and put all the rubbish in the bin. Once I've finished I sit down on the sofa with a glass of whisky and I put the TV on for some background noise. 

The next morning I wake up another day alone without Jake, I drag myself out of bed and go shower. A big part of me wants to go back to bed and not leave the house but I'm not going to do that. After showering and getting myself into something that isn't an oversized hoodie and sweats I put on a new dress I bought for Christmas. This was the dress I was going to surprise Jake with but that is going to have to wait. 

Once I've got ready I grab my jacket and keys and head out to Cleos, she's been working so hard on this Christmas dinner. After parking up outside Cleo's I knock on the door and get greeted by a very happy Cleo. “MC!! It's so good to see you, you look amazing in that dress come in” I walk into Cleo's apartment and everything looks amazing. Everyone is already here Dan and Thomas are arguing over what Christmas music to put on. Richy is helping Jessy set the table and Lilly and Jessy are in the kitchen helping Cleo cook dinner. 

After dinner we sit around the fire and play games. Everyone is having such an amazing time. For the first in what feels like a lifetime ago I am laughing. It's like I've just put all my problems and worries to one side. “Does anyone want another drink?” Everyone puts their hand up. “I'll give you a hand MC” Jessy and I are in the kitchen making the drinks. I look up out of the window and it's started to snow. It's coming down thick and fast covering the grown in a white blanket of snow. 

I sit back down with the others and there is a knock at the door, “I'll get it in already up” Jessy gots to open the door she seemed way too eager to go out a shack the thought away. I hear Jessy open the door but I can't make out who she's talking to. 

“Hi, she's in the living room with the others. She's gonna be so happy to see you” I hear someone call out my name and I just freeze. I feel like my heart has stopped beating. I turn around and my eyes go wide and my mouth drops open. “Merry Christmas MC I've missed you so much” at this point tears start to fall from my eyes I pull myself up and run into Jake's arms. “Omg Jake!! I've missed you so much, I can't believe you are really here. How did you know where I was?” Jake's ocean blue eyes are looking back at me and I see that beautiful smile spread across his face. “Jessy told me, I text her yesterday and ask where you would be I wanted to surprise you” 

More tears just fall from my eyes. I am so lost for words I just put my arms around Jake and hold onto him. He pulls me away slightly and smiles. He lifts my chin up with his fingers and kisses me softly on the lips. I feel myself just melt into his body as he kisses me. It feels like our first kiss all over again. Everything I have ever wanted is right here in front of me kissing me on the lips. I feel like all my sadness and worries have just been washed away; it's like they don't even exist anymore. The love I have for Jake is so strong I feel like my heart is complete. 

“MC I want you to know that I am never being away from you again, my work with the FBI has now come to an end.” Just when I thought the smile on my face couldn't get any bigger I'm smiling so much that my face is starting to ache but I don't care I'm so happy. “Just hearing you say that Jake makes me so happy” everything that has felt like it has been missing in my life is now complete. I am the happiest I have ever been. “There is one more thing MC, it's something I've been waiting to ask you” my mind starts to run away with itself trying to figure out what Jake is on about. “MC, will you marry me?” I watch as Jake gets down on one knee, holding a small ring box in his hand. “Yes Jake, yes I will marry you” Jake slides the ring onto my finger and we both share a kiss. 

What started out as what was going to be an awful Christmas has now turned out to be the best day of my life. I am with the man of my dreams and I have my closest friends right by my side. 

#duskwood #everbyte game #duskwood jake #duskwood hacker #iamjake #duskwood jake x mc #i love you jake #jake x mc #he loves me #i love you #a not so lonely Christmas #together again #love is love #christmas #oneshot

[cboffshore]

hi everyone. I come bearing IICT(OSC) insider knowledge, hints, and memes.

bc spoilers: everything else is under the cut. Do not proceed before you read the fic. Unless you like having twists untwisted in advance. That's on you.

(one day I wanna try my hand at redrawing/tracing this Gayle meme to be Nya, but that's neither here nor there.)

If I ever do any super, super in-depth analysis of this work, it's not happening today, as I'm fighting a weather migraine and longform ideas are NOT my friends. However, I did want to make a few fun bonus notes. These aren't bulleted bc mobile browser formatting.

The weapon in the escape scene was only originally supposed to be a rusty pipe (loosely inspired by a piece of Fall Out Boy promo art used on "What a Time To Be Alive", and yes I KNOW Pete has a baseball bat. I said LOOSELY.) I waffled on the chain element for a LONG time. However, on Halloween, Han doodled this for Trick or Treat asks, and that was enough to make me commit to the idea. @spinjitsuburst: I have no idea if you've read this fic or not, but I never did properly tell you how helpful that was. (And none of that is a spoiler if you do go read it, just turn back now and you'll be safe.)

The Incense Gambit is a real chess strategy; however, we don't call it that. The actual move set is called the Bongcloud Attack, which I learned about when I was doing chess research for this fic. I started out by trying to learn chess online, and at some point, I decided it would be fun to have Nya win with a recognizably stupid move set. Knowing very little about chess at that point (having lost to most of the bots and people I played), I Googled a list of joke chess openers and picked the one that made me laugh the hardest. The Mighty Donut was in second place, but that requires both players to cooperate, so that wouldn't have worked. Not wanting to write "what, you've never heard of the Bongcloud Attack?" as a dialogue line, I switched the name to Incense Gambit both as a reference to smoke and for the fact that "incense" also means "to anger." I should also disclose that one of my few chess wins happened when I USED the Bongcloud, which... that's not normal.

In my first outline, the REAL Landon was originally supposed to set off the escape sequence. Stopping Nya was supposed to be pure luck/desperation on his part, followed by an encounter with Nadakhan where I would've been able to cram in a small analysis of how he treats his crew members. It didn't work out and I never wrote it, but there were secret passageways involved, and it could've been fun if I'd gotten it to work. I still think that bringing the shapeshifting back was the wiser choice, though.

I've already gotten two separate comments that, to different degrees, claim this would have worked as a plausible canon installment. Which is good! The whole point of this is to fill the gaps in her experience, so hearing that this seems believable is always lovely.

If you reread c5, take note of who resets the board each time. Without realizing it, I assigned that duty to whoever feels more strongly that they are controlling the situation at that point.

The wine vs tea thing I hinted at in a few past posts: both beverages are written as symbols of how much Nadakhan is present in a given scene. Wine only appears if he's directly visible - things like the chess sequence and in the dream, where I use wine to describe the air. Tea, however, only appears if Nya can't see him, but he's still influencing the events. These include his gloves smelling like black tea when Nya is blindfolded, the presence of tea on the meal tray, and - of course - the tea she uses as a weapon in the escape sequence.

Speaking of the escape sequence, I made this meme VERY early on and I still find it stupid funny:

#lila speaks #december wip rambles #ninjago skybound #OSSAS tag #there might be more analysis funtime in the future idk

[astridthevalkyrie]

Not to get into the specifics of how it happened: collegebf!Levi broke his arm so it's in a sling and cast. Levi is already stubborn yet prideful (but not overly so). He's grateful it's at least his left arm and not his right (assuming he's right handed?). When the doctor puts the cast on, he severely dreads his friends reactions to seeing him, groaning at the inevitable "OMG LEVI WHAT HAPPENED?!" from hange/the others. You carry his backpack on ur shoulder after he winces/hisses from trying to.

(this ask is from february—i am so sorry lmao)

"This is actually surprisingly light."

"Yeah, well. We don't all carry rocks in our bags, you know," Levi huffs. He's unsure if the wind blowing in your hair serves to make him more irritated or simply to make you look prettier. A bit of both, he decides.

"I don't carry"—You toss your own bag over your shoulder and cringe at the pressure—"rocks."

"Oh, sorry," he drawls, long and sarcastic on purpose, "just two laptops instead of one."

For obvious reasons, you don't really have a great response to a very true accusation, especially not when your back is probably straining from the pressure of holding two bags, so you settle with the childish route. "I'm not the one who broke my arm."

A stupid mistake during practice (not his mistake, but fucking Nile's, who should learn to watch where he's fucking going) isn't supposed to make him incapable of carrying his own messenger bag to class, but here he is.

If you're going to be childish, then he feels it gives him a right to copy your behavior. Doing a quick look-around to make sure no one is watching, he scowls his usual scowl but with a more pitiful twist. The kicked boyfriend look always works on you, and this time is no different.

"Aww." You set the bags down and wrap your arms around his neck, planting a quick peck on his lips. "Here, I have something for you." As soon as you place the object on top of his head, Levi knows what it is. He jerks his head sharply, letting the sunglasses fall over his eyes.

"See? Now you don't have to worry about losing you cool guy persona."

He hides a smile against your cheek. "Definitely what I was worried about most. I mean, if the sunglasses don't do the trick, all the doodles you did on the cast should definitely sell it." Giving it another look, with his good arm wrapped around your back, he scoffs amusedly. "Didn't even leave room for anyone else to sign, huh?"

Your head tilts, and your eyes glint mischievously. "And now no one else is going to ask to do it in the first place."

"I'm going to marry you one day," Levi declares, exceptionally grateful. The grin that breaks out on your face is no less brightened by the shades on his face.

"I'm counting down the days." Then you pick up the two bags once more, a little more strength in your arms. "Shall we get to class?"

"Yeah," he hums fondly, "we shall."

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #aot x reader #college boyfriend levi

[frecklystars]

Ok I need to vent real quick and then I’m going offline again

So I met Steve Blum. It went well. I should be happy. He said everything I’d want him to say. And I feel so fucking numb like… nothing changed I’m never gonna get Starscream back it’s so hopeless. If I felt nothing while talking to Starscream and hearing his voice telling me he loves me and would never hurt me, well. what could possibly heal me??? absolutely nothing :’)

I’ll make a proper post about what happened later bc maybe I’ll feel better in a few days but. Y’know it was all good stuff and yet I’m like. Numb. Gwen (Steve’s agent) recognized me on sight. I gave her my art and she got so excited, knew me by name immediately, she ran around the counter and hugged me so tight. And she said “I’ve shown my friends your art!!! I saved it into my phone!! Steve and I have talked about you!!!” and she ran to Steve and said “oh my god look what Keri made for me! Do you remember Keri? She’s the one who made those keychains!“blah blah blah 16 minutes worth of conversation and eventually I said “yeah I’m the little Starflower girl from cameos” and he, without hesitation, slipped into Starscream’s voice and said with a “psh” smirk “well of course I remember that!” and I was like. Wow. That’s so cool. I should be feeling good about that. I was just so depressed. I thought wow my starlight is right there and I feel absolutely fucking nothing. Steve remembers me but, no maybe he’s just saying that actually, maybe he doesn’t remember me and he’s just being nice

I bought a video from him and a print. For the print I got spike Spiegel, with him writing my ship tag “what ever happens happens… just happy to have you at all” and here’s the thing. He drew me. For free. Gwen came up to him and said “throw in a free drawing” it’s supposed to be an extra fee but she said not to charge me “because that’s Keri!” 🥺 and he. drew me. Steven Jay Blum drew me with my Barbie earrings and my freckles. He drew lots of freckles. Drew me with a big big big smile. Drew me next to spike. It’s the cutest doodle in the world and they gave it to me for free simply because I’m??? thee Keri???

And for the video he asked if I wanted anything specific and I very briefly told him what happened to me, that STSC was a cptsd trigger, that I missed him so terribly, and my voice was so shaky and I felt so stupid on the verge of tears. He didn’t even hesitate or make a face or anything he totally listened and the he was like “i can absolutely have Starscream say he loves you, no problem.” He kept asking if I wanted to be in the video with him and I said each time “no thats okay I don’t have to be in the video. You can record yourself just holding my phone. Like a cameo” and he said “oh just myself! Okay” but he walked around and put his arm around me and asked AGAIN “do you want to?” and I was like. Oh. He is really checking repeatedly if I don’t want to be in this. Maybe he wants me to be in the video. like maybe he thinks it’ll help me or something. and it reminded me of the last time we met and he would ask if I wanted to be in the video and I’d say I didn’t have to be and I’d leave the choice up to him, and then he had said “you can’t have starlight without his little Starflower” and pulled me into the video with him

And so now I have this video of Starscream saying “Keri, my little Starflower, we meet again... I love you”—“ growling/snarling through gritted teeth— “I miss you!” And some other stuff I’m too tired to say but I’ll include it in my later post. Starlight was. Big angry. Nobody separates him from his little Starflower, bitch. And then he ended the video by blowing a big long kiss with Starscream’s voice making a smooch noise “mmmmwah!!! I love you, Starflower!!”

And I should have felt good. We were supposed to take a selfie together, I paid 50 bucks for it but we ALL fucking forgot ☠️ whatever I have a selfie with him already I guess and I’m just. So depressed I don’t care. And he said thank you for flying all this way and thank you for the art and like. Other stuff I’ll talk about later. His wife likes my art too. God. I should feel good. I have 16 minutes worth of him being so kind and I feel nothing. Before we left I paused and asked “will you… will you please reassure me, um, Starscream would never hurt me” and he looked me in the eye and leaned in and said in Starscream’s voice “I, Starscream, would never hurt my Keri”

And I should feel good but I don’t. And I didn’t expect this to fix me of course but I’m so. Numb. Dude what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel so awful and I’ve been crying on and off since we left and I’m just a wreck. I miss Starscream so fucking bad. I didn’t even think of Ken today, it’s not the same. Ken is my main F/O right now but my love with him feels like… pebbles compared to what I had with my Starlight. He was my biggest comfort and he’s just. Gone. My brain won’t allow me to have this. I am trying so so so so hard to tell myself to feel good, but I’ve spent a year associating TF with feeling horrible and unsafe, now I am just absolutely devastated. Every single day I miss Starscream like a phantom limb. Every single day I cry over him. Every single fucking day I am missing such a huge piece of me. I’m just too fuckiing broken beyond repair. If the official voice actor can’t make me feel better I don’t think anything can. I listened to all of my cameos again and I just feel. nothing. I remember I used to stay up late looping my cameos and feeling so wholeheartedly loved and cherished. That’s fucking ruined. I’ll never feel that way again. I’ll never ever fucking feel that way ever again. He’s gone and km never going to feel safe or loved with any F/Os ever again and you’d think I’d accept that by now bc it’s been a year but I can’t. I miss Starscream so fucking bad I miss him more than anhthing and he’s gone. he’s gone

#delete later #vent