#to show up in searches

[gillianthecat]

.

Although I hadn't been particularly following Build or the Kinnporsche actors in general, that show was my entry point into BL fandom and I still see a lot about it and the actors crossing my dash. I tend not to seek out behind the scenes or "real life" information about actors (with occasional exceptions of hyper-fixations on specific people) and stay well aware that I know next to nothing about what actors and their relationships are really like, that what they show about themselves is crafted and intentional and may or may not reflect reality. And so I was slightly surprised to find myself feeling emotionally discombobulated by the news coming out about Build and Poi.

I do not know what happened, and I offer no opinions and guesses on what actually happened, and who in their circles knew what. This post is about me, not them.

I have the urge, always, to know what's happening, to seek out information, to understand the truth of the matter. I thought could stay "neutral" about this, that is, not seek out information but calmly consume what came across my dash. But I just now filtered all the relevant tags I could think of. I want to understand, but the truth is simply not available to me right now. And may never be. And while a part of me feels like it's disrespectful to the victim, whoever they maybe, to not want to know the truth of what happened, the fact is my knowing or not knowing doesn't change a thing about their lives. They don't know me, I have no power over their lives, and that is how it should be.

I think I find this upsetting for a couple reasons. First, I did like Build as an actor. He was the one in the cast who's acting I found most compelling, who seemed the most skilled to me, and I have been curious to see what he does next. So there is that feeling of loss, or worry about loss, that if these allegations turn out to be true, I will not get that. Because even if he gets to keep acting (although the climate for a relatively unknown Thai BL actor is very unlike that for someone like CK Louis so I suspect if the allegations are true he wouldn't get more work) I would not be able to watch him anymore, and so that would be a loss. And, even though I hadn't thought I'd had expectations for him as a person (and even less so after I'd heard bits and pieces about previous bad behavior of his) I am surprised to find I do have a sense of betrayal about it. He does seem like a nice guy. I do like the way he presents himself, at least in the little bits I've seen.

And of course, abuse is just unpleasant. Thinking about real people hurting each other of course is going to make me feel unhappy. In fiction, it's safely contained, there's a narrative arc, and no real people were actually harmed, so I can analyze it, get in my feelings about it. But with rumors of abuse by real people, there is no catharsis available.

And then lastly, there is the confusion of it all. They both have bad reputations in some way or other, there is evidence presented that may or may not be credible, I'm getting everything third or fourth hand and through at least one layer of translation that may or may not be accurate. Fans have strong opinions on either side, "she is a known awful person and so she must be lying," "she posted photos so he must be guilty," and I get overwhelmed by the certainty they show, the stregnth of the connection they seem to feel for these actors and writers they don't know personally.

Most of the people I follow have much more measured takes, recognizing that we (that is, everyone outside of Poi and Build and their inner circles) don't actually know what's happening, but it's only natural to have opinions and guesses about it. And I'm finding that even reading those makes me feel like I too should know what's happening, even though I don't need to and in fact it's impossible for me too. My internal tension between, believe victims, accusations are rarely lies versus everything I've read about her makes her sound like an abusive harasser versus of course that doesn't mean that she's lying and abusers can also be abused themselves versus I don't know what stories that I've read about any of them are actually true. And perhaps a few of the facts I could verify, but, as I said above, it wouldn't help me understand much more and only make me feel worse.

I was reluctant to post anything, because I don't want to add to the speculations and unfounded opinions about this, or clutter up the dashes of anyone else trying to avoid the topic altogether. But I decided for my own sake I needed to get this stuff out of my head and onto the page, so here it is. Not sure if any of the words make sense or manage to convey what I'm feeling, but at least its not rattling around in my brain poisoning my mood.

You are all welcome to come talk to me about your feelings about this news, and how it's affecting you personally, although I'd prefer not to get speculation about what happened, or opinions on who is telling the truth.

#thoughts on current fandom events #bl actors #tw abuse #this is basically a diary entry #i don't want #these tags #to show up in searches #but i do want #people to #be able to filter for them #so hopefully #burying them this far down #will allow for both those things #sometimes my brain is weird #that's just a categorization tag at this point i don't think i'm weird for thinking like this #build jakapan #boc #be on cloud #poi #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche

[thunderboltfire]

I have unwittingly witnessed a new level of the absurd. Behold, the AI-generated equine anatomy models.

Ah yes, my favourite parts of the equine body. Paster and... *looks at the smudged writing on hand* boob. At least this one looks purely decorative and the being actually looks like a horse. But don't worry, it gets worse.

If we completely ignore the hipopotamus musculature of this one, there's still a lot of things that don't make sense in this one, like a tail that ends in a series of bone spikes and a complete lack of molars. You could make a cool pokemon on the basis of this, but it's not even in the realm of being an actual anatomy help.

I'm firmly convinced this is not a horse, this is something that really, really wants you to think it is a horse. The more you look, the more things look... wrong. The more details turn out to be shifted, bones crammed in to fill in the familiar form, its shape merely implied so that the human mind fills the gap. Of course the text seems like gibberish, because its anatomy is incomprehensible. it's either a parasite or a monster and in each case, it's an eldtrich body horror. I'm kind of angry at how well this joke writes itself.

#I'm just angry that despite of the fact I have almost every AI site blocked it still showed up in the search #I don't think these will fool anyone but still - make sure you know the things you reference are actually accurate #I can recommend Herman Dittrich's drawings when it comes to the equine anatomy #This time I was just searching for the anatomy it bc I forgot what's the name of the canon bone #anti generative ai

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

why aren't there more mysteries that take place in nursing homes & retirement communities. i want to watch a group of deranged retirees-cum-amateur-detectives combine their powers of:

decades of life experience

boredom-fueled busybody shamelessness

access to the most gossipy next-door-neighbors in existence

"I am too old to be arrested and/or give a shit" attitude

and solve crimes. this should be an enormous subgenre.

#their sidekick/Watson/pet hacker is a 15 year old grandkid who hangs out with gram gram on the weekends #her only power is that she has above average search engine skills and flexible knees #which is completely sufficient to round out the group's skill set #they involve her in heist style operations #on the rare occasion she gets caught housebreaking she explains her grandma locked herself out of the condo and asked for help getting in #then this sweet slightly addled old lady shows up and explains she got the address mixed up #it's so confusing when you're old & all the houses look alike and oh she's so sorry to have caused so much trouble #and meanwhile the teenager is rolling her eyes bc she's aware gram gram was a career criminal & con artist for 50 years #anyway gimme a 80-year-old con artist turned amateur sleuth who loves getting older because people are less suspicious of little old ladies #this all takes place in florida naturally

[futuristichedge]

Team Dark as various tumblr posts

#sth #sth fanart #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog fanart #team dark #shadow the hedgehog #rouge the bat #e 123 omega #shadow #rouge #omega #my art #doodles #ill link the posts in a reblog #i just dont want tumblr to get all mad with links and prevent the post from showing up in search ^^

[sofiaruelle]

❄️☃️The SDV Girlies in their winter garb!☃️❄️

One side how i interpreted their lil avatars and then the other side is just me playing dress up lmao.

“Bois when?” Dunno. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I will if anyone donates screenshots.

#stardew valley #stardew valley 1.6 #stardew valley winter #stardew valley maru #stardew valley haley #stardew valley penny #stardew valley leah #stardew valley emily #stardew valley abigail #sdv maru #sdv haley #sdv penny #sdv leah #sdv emily #sdv abigail #i was sweating drawing this #the ph is having a fucking heatwave at 40*C / 104*C #and i’m not even living in the city where its definitely worse!!! #my pinterest algorithm probably thinks i’m insane for searching up winter outfits #penny looking lightly dressed for winter in her 2nd lewk but she’s dressed in several layers in dresses and skirts #i just wanted to show a lil bit of the layered neckline #ngl my fave lewk has to be emily! #she probably made her whole ensamble from scratch #abgail probably goes around lightly dressed #‘cold never bothered her anyway’ -elsa #haley going from cocnut girl to cold girl aesthetic #also i based maru’s outfit in this really cool chinese obre puffer jacket + 90s pastel tracksuit #with leah… what can i say gay in primary colors #thank you to henarikat for sending me a screenshot of their avatars!!!!!! #and also for being a beta for Haley and Penny’s looks hahaha

[aenslem]

Oh, and I caught your little signal. Help me. Poor little thing. But there's no one else coming 'cause there's no one else left.

#dwedit #doctor who #timelordgifs #tvedit #chewieblog #userbbelcher #useroptional #cinemapix #mine* #sd* #usersugar #usertennant #christopher eccleston #ninth doctor #let's see if this shows up in search :/

[sqlatoon]

#pearl houzuki #splatoon #off the hook #made a gif. its on tenor it just doesn't show up in search cause i uploaded it today i think

[thermodynamic-comedian]

who's gonna draw this as simon and lonelyeyes

#my clown friend keeps showing me stock photos that show up when you search ''divorce'' #the magnus archives #tma #lonelyeyes #peter lukas #elias bouchard #jonah magnus #simon fairchild

[milkbreadtoast]

DETECTIVES MAC AND CHEESE.... DRAWING THIS ALMOST KILLED ME 🫡🧡💛 *dies*

#macaroni cookie #cheddar cheese cookie #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run fanart #crk fanart #my art #im too exhausted to even leave commentary but this almost killed me fr #IM GLAD I DIDNT GIVE UP AND FINISHED IT #mac and cheese #mac n cheese #mac & cheese #watch this show up when ppl r actually trying to search for mac n cheese recipes #im sorry

[somerandomdudelmao]

@tapakah0

This little bunny means the world to me

#I can write a thousand word dialogue about someone else’s feelings #But I can’t fuckin express myself #However #Tapakah I want you to know #that you have absolutely huge influence on me and my art #You are so fucking important to me #too #important to mee too #yes I saw your ask #no I’m not showing it anyone It’s my personal treasure #I have a special folder on my tablet #it called (keep going mate) #It is strait up what it sounds like #my collection of the reasons to keep making art #to keep improving searching creating fighting reading writing #literally…uh #I’m sure you got the idea #you are in this folder too #because sometimes when I feel like I don’t have strength to hold my pen #I go to tumblr and search for you #And everything becomes a bit easier #thank you♡

[shootingstareon]

guess my favourite p5 character challenge

#persona 5 #goro akechi #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #shuake #akeshu #close enough! #art #fanart #joker #p5 #shaking you by the shoulders can someone please tell me why akechi is drawn as bunny. i can see where the joker cat comes from. #but why is akechi bnuuy. #please. please tell me ive been plagued by this for months. #ive searched it up so many times but no answers please. #the closest answer i can find is the thing where cats lick to assert dominance and #rabbits receive licks to show dominance and. yeah. shuake

[alicenpai]

my piece for the Hemisphere: a Witch Hat Atelier seasons themed zine! thank you for having me! they're having a leftovers sale until stock runs out 🖋🍀🌷🍁❄🌧 WIPs + inspiration board + symbolism under the cut! got some requests to put this on my inprnt! the site has sales very often & you can grab it as a small or big size print.

I had a pretty good idea of the composition from the get-go. I took inspiration from art nouveau (primarily Alphonse Mucha), German fairy tales, and some 1920s perfume ads. I wanted the girls to look like fairies, akin to The Root Children by Sibylle von Olfers.

Olly just didn't work out in this drawing due to time restraints. I do love him very much though.

I actually kinda stopped making illustrations like these (including the TGAA/DGS tarot card + TGAA/DGS zine pieces a while back) because they were starting to get very hard on my arm, as I had an RSI (repetitive strain injury) a few years back during school. (Not putting the onus on the zines at all ofc! I genuinely love working with zine projects! it's def a me thing WAHAHAHA. my style was getting too anime and too detailed for my liking and everything was just taking forever to finish ngl. but I didn't have time to experiment with a more simple style outside of all of my deadlines)

I think that realizing you need to stop is okay. It's something that Shirahama teaches us in her story and I want to learn to take it to heart.

---

MILD SPOILERS AHEAD (for those who havent read the story I guess)

each character's symbolism:

- Coco - spring, clovers - Coco is the quintessential spring girl, and I wanted her to symbolize new beginnings, and oh boy did Coco bring a big one. The four leaf clover in particular symbolizes luck and good fortune - to some characters, Coco may have brought fortune, to others her presence brings misfortune, take that as you will.

- Tetia - summer, gladiolus - the name "gladiolus" comes from the Latin word "gladius", meaning "sword", based on the shape of the flower. you can interpret it as "you pierce my heart", perfect for a girl like Tetia, who has a contagious energy, with a romantic and grandiose nature.

- Agott - autumn, marigold - I read somewhere marigolds symbolize strength and power, perfect for our little magical powerhouse Agott. They can also symbolize jealousy (yellow flowers in particular have this association), which reflects on her rivalry with Coco in the beginning.

- Riche - winter, snowdrop - The white color of snowdrops has a strong connotation to innocence, which reflects on Riche's wish to stay a child forever. It can also symbolize rebirth and new beginnings (like Coco's clovers), as the snowdrop is the first flower to bloom in the spring, when the snow has not yet melted. I wanted the concept of "rebirth" to associate with Riche's friendship with Euini, and of his sort of "rebirth" into a new being.

- Qifrey - he does not have a flower per se, but as the caregiver and educator of the four girls, he represents the rainy season - precipitation being the one thing that binds all of these seasons together. (Note some areas of the world do not have a rainy season like where I live). I think somewhere along the line I wanted to put hydrangeas behind him, to really bring out the "rainy" theme, but the thought probably got lost somewhere in translation...

- bg flowers - honestly I just picked whatever. white lily, daffodil, hydrangea, zinnia, tulip

#witch hat atelier #tongari boushi no atelier #Δ帽子 #coco (witch hat atelier) #agott arkrome #agathe arkrome #agott (witch hat atelier) #tetia (witch hat atelier) #riche (witch hat atelier) #richeh #qifrey #agott #tetia #riche #my art #i truly do not know how many tags show up in search anymore LEAVE ME ALONE #thank you for reading if you do - from the bottom of my heart #i am editing this post half asleep bc the full artwork refused to upload for like 2 days #and it finally worked now . #despite my struggles im very satisfied with how this one turned out #one thing that bothers me is qifrey's robe.. i wanted it to be like hes sitting on a flower #but i think the angle of the flower didnt work out LOL so it looks weird #*nitpicks my own art to hell as per usual. you know. the usual midnight thots*

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

Love how on tumblr I can’t go to the trending tab to find out what’s happening in world news, only to find out who has displayed homosexual tendencies this week

#instead I must search the name of a gay ship from a years dead tv show to catch up on what celebrities died #oj simpson

[hypervoxel]

rip Vox, you would have loved blåhaj

#hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel fanart #vizziepop #hmm. Yeah that’s all the tags I can think of #aaaand let’s see if this side blog is old enough for my posts to show up in searches now #my art

[hell0mega]

this is incredibly niche, but what did you expect me to think after watching a movie about forbidden, never-before-seen love that is potentially life threatening to those involved?

#elemental #pixar's elemental #pixar #good omens #good omens fanart #crowley #aziracrow #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #crossover #illustration #digital painting #this literally caused pain in my hand muscles lmao #i tried my best #i felt like i had to render it rather than do my usual stuff. otherwise it wouldn't look so much like pixar #anyway go watch elemental if you haven't. it's pretty good #also the file for this STRAIGHT UP evaporated from my computer like searching in file explorer turned up nothing #until i went to the clip studio launcher and did 'find file path' and it just fuckin?? showed up???? #gomens #my art

[braisedhoney]

Gaster but he says “oya oya”. Trust me on this.

is this it. is this what you wanted from me.

#queueing this if i don’t post by january #anyway is this what you wanted anon. do you feel seen. was it worth it. #and i’m asking whyyyyy looooord (musical riff+sfx) #… is my exhaustion obvious or is this a shitpost. the answer is yes #i really don’t have an explanation for this #does gaster know this is an anime meme bc of alphys or is he totally in the dark #which one is funnier #utdr #utdr fanart #deltarune #deltarune fanart #wd gaster #gaster fanart #ney’s art #ney’s comics #tagging just for blog navigation but also burying tags below what will show up in searches so it doesn’t break containment #… can asks even show up in searches #i actually don’t know #but hey whatev #ney’s chatter (ask answers) #it’s rude to talk about someone who’s listening #shitpost