#told my aunt about it. spent the next 3-4 days checking it and its still not there

[anna-justice]

Now or Never - 4

Summary: It’s been 10 years since they were juniors and lot’s has changed, but other things have stayed exactly the same. (Sequel to Lost or Found)

... 4 - Replay ...

Hailey pushed her door shut behind her, throwing her bags on her kitchen counter. She put away all the food she bought, grabbing a pen and a notebook and taking a seat at her bar. Hailey was a planner, she always had been, but it had gotten worse as she had gotten older. So, when she felt like things were out of her control, she sat down and made a list of everything she could. Today, it was meal planning. 

She filled the whole page, listing each meal and all the ingredients that go with it, the cook time and how likely it was to end up as leftovers. Almost all of it were things that Hailey knew Jay loved, things that he hadn’t had in a long time. 

She was grasping, she knew she was, but she was living in an eternal limbo. She was exhausted, she hadn’t slept in days, but she couldn’t dare slow down. She couldn’t dare let everything catch up to her. Hailey was running from years worth of demons coming back for her, and if she took a chance to breathe, she’d have to face them. 

As she looked down at her finished list, she felt tears prickle her eyes. She dropped her head in her hands and pushed the pad and paper aside. She fought the urge to laugh, her boyfriend - the only man that she had ever loved and it seemed like she was ever going to love - was coming home, and she was making a meal plan. 

What else was she supposed to do though? If the last four years had seemed foreign, then she was living on a different planet now. She had no idea what the next few days, weeks, months, had in store for her and she was terrified. 

Her phone caught her eye on the counter, and she felt a small grin grace her face. She picked it up and dialed a familiar number. The line only rang once before they answered, “Hello?” 

“Hey,” Hailey said, sighing out. There was something about her Aunt’s voice that had always calmed her. 

“Hi sweetie, how are you?” 

Hailey took a deep breath, with everything going on, she hadn’t had a chance to tell anyone about Jay’s highly anticipated homecoming. “Really great actually.” She said, finally. A smile gracing her face once again. Jay was coming home, no matter how many times she told herself, it still didn’t feel real. 

It didn’t matter what they ate for dinner or what her apartment looked like, he was coming home to her, finally.

“Good, I’ve been thinking about you.” Her Aunt said.

“I have something to tell you.” Hailey drew out, barely able to contain her joyful laughter. 

“Okay?” 

Hailey squealed - an action reserved for her Aunt - and the words tumbled out of her mouth, “Jay’s unit was recovered, he’s being shipped home on Tuesday, Will and I are going to pick him up-”

“What?” Her Aunt asked, cutting her niece off. 

Tears started to pool in Hailey’s eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time in days, “He’s coming home.” 

“Oh my God,” Trudy said, her voice breaking. “Are you serious?” 

“Yes!” Hailey laughed, the sound followed by Trudy’s own. 

Trudy gasped, “Hailey, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you, both of you.” 

“Me too.” She was so happy, she didn’t think it was possible be this happy. There were things that rivaled it: the first time Jay told her he loved her at the dance when they were sixteen, the day he came home from his first deployment, the day they she graduated college, the day of Adam and Kim’s wedding. She had had so many happy moments, but none of them measured up to what she was feeling right now. “I just can’t wait to see him.” 

“Well I’d love to see him, and you too. So give me a call when you two are all settled in and we’ll make a plan.” Trudy and Randall have moved to Hilton Head Island a few years back after they both retired, Hailey saw them a few times a year. Including during the summer when all of them would drive down and stay with them for a week. 

The two woman talked for a while, catching up, making plans, circling back around to the idea of Jay coming home several times. A smile stayed on Hailey’s face the whole time, despite anything going on in her life, Trudy seemed to always know what to say. That never changed. 

Hailey barely had time to set her phone down before it started ringing again. This time it was Kim.  “Hello?” 

“Hailey.” 

Hailey stood from her stool. “Kim, what’s wrong?” 

“Hailey, I need you to come here like right now.” Hailey could hear her panic clearly, she was already grabbing her car keys and her purse. 

“Okay, I’m on my way.” She stalled at the door. “Kim, what is going on?” 

“Hailey...its Erin, she’s back.” 

…

“Why on earth didn’t you all tell me?” Hailey asked, standing in Kim and Adam’s kitchen. “Don’t you think I had a right to know this? Especially with everything going on right now.” She ran her fingers through her hair, leaning against the counter. 

After walking in and finding a crying Kim and a very stressed Adam, they showed Hailey the bathroom, Then spent the next 10 minutes explaining everything they had been keeping from her. 

Kim took a step forward, “We found out right before Will called us, Jay seemed ore important.” 

“Jay is more important! But this puts his life in danger, it puts all of our lives in danger.” Hailey said. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. We’re sorry.” Adam said, glancing between Hailey and his wife. “But more importantly, what are we going to do?” 

Hailey nodded, beginning to pace. “Well, we learned a long time ago that calling the police was a bad idea, but,” she gestured to herself, “I think we are covered in that department. We could call Beth Sanders back, tell her what happened.” 

“Hailey it says not to talk…” Adam says. 

“We aren’t teenagers anymore Adam!” Hailey snaps, she pauses, takes a moment to catch her breath. She wasn’t a yeller or a fighter. “I-I’m sorry, I just. I don’t know, there isn’t a correct answer. Obviously she isn’t out of prison yet, we would know right?”

“Right.” Kim said, nodding.

Hailey pinched her nose, “Then someone must be working for her. Or she’s blackmailing someone like before, like what she did to Kelly.”

“Or she escaped.” Adam said, causing both Hailey and Kim to gape at him. “Think about it, it might not be in the media yet, hell maybe no one even knows.” 

Kim rushed to the front door, making sure it was locked. It didn’t make that much of a different, but it gave her some peace of mind. Her hands were shaking, “Why would she appeal her case just to escape?”

“Maybe she just couldn’t take it anymore? She couldn’t wait for a parole hearing, so she escaped and decided missed her little playthings.” Adam said with disgust. 

Hailey stared at the counter, tracing the granite veins, running every possible idea through her head. “Or she found out about Jay.” She said, her head snapping up. “Think about it. She’s been there for 10 years. She’s earned good behavior or she’s figured out how to sneak things. She could have seen a newspaper or seen the news, decided that a parole hearing would take too long and broke out. She’s always been crazy about him, it’s what started it all in the first place.”

Adam stood there in shock, Kim scoffed, “Hailey I hate to say it, but I think you’re right.” 

“So he’s leaving a war zone and coming home to a new one,” Hailey, dropping her head in her hands on the counter. “Perfect.” 

Kim rounded the counter, placing a hand on Hailey’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, we’ll get through it. We’ve done it before.” 

Hailey stands up, nodding, looking defeated. “I-how?” She asks, “We barely did the last time.”

“I honestly don’t know, but we will.” Kim looks to Adam for support. 

He just shrugs, “We have too.” 

“Yeah…” Hailey agrees, she squeezed the hand on her shoulder. “I gotta make some calls, can I use the guest room?” She asks. 

“Of course.” Kim says, giving her a quick, but necessary hug.

Hailey makes her way into the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She checks the entire room for bugs, checking behind photos and under pillows, really anywhere they could be. Then, she closes the blinds and dials a familiar number. They answer after just one ring. “Hello?”

“Garrett, hey, I need your help.”

... 

An hour later, Hailey was sitting in her living room while Garrett paced around the room, a pained expression on his face. “So, you’re telling me that in high school, one of your best friends faked her own kidnapping and death, killed a random girl, blackmailed your classmate into breaking into yourself and choking you, locked you in a garage with a running car, shot Adam and then tried to kill you in basement, all because you stole her boyfriend?” He paused, turning to face her. 

“You forgot stalking us and threatening us for 3 months but yeah, pretty much.” She said shrugging. “And actually she did all that because I “stole her friends,” I didn’t steal her boyfriend until after she locked me in a garage.”

Garrett huffed, sitting down next to her. “Details.” He leaned back against the couch, running his hands over his eyes. “Hailey, I’m your partner, why didn’t you tell me any of this before now?” 

“I don’t know,” Hailey said, running the past year through her mind. It wasn’t a light or funny story for when their bored on a stakeout, and wasn’t exactly something she spewed when she was drunk, it just never came up. It was one of those things that you shove down and hope it disappears. “They aren’t exactly fond memories.” 

Garrett picked up his beer off the coffee table, taking a long drink. “Fair enough.” He looked over at his partner, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail like usual, an old academy sweatshirt covering her. On the surface she looked like the old Hailey, but he could see the pieces of hair falling out and how swollen her eyes were. She wasn’t the normal Hailey. “Hailey, I-I’m sorry you had to go through that, especially that young. No one deserves that,” 

Hailey gave him a soft smile, nodding her head and dropping her gaze to her lap. She knew he meant well, but the look on his face was one of the main reasons that she never told anyone about her past. She was a big girl, she didn’t need anyones pity. “Thanks, that means a lot. But, I’ve come to terms with it all. I thought I had moved on, but, the bitch is back, and I need a plan.” She stood up, grabbing her laptop off the sofa table across the room. “Jay is coming home and Kim and Adam want a baby, and Kev and Vanessa want to get married, and dammit Erin is not going to ruin everything again.”

She sat back down on the couch next to him, and Garret smiled at her, he admired her more than anyone else in the world, even more now. “Then we’ll stop her.” He tried not to think about the way his chest tightened when she said Jay’s name, it wasn’t fair to either of them. She deserved to be happy, he just thought that eventually it would be him to make her just that, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to give up on that. 

“I have no idea how.” She logged in to her computer, completely unaware of the way her partner was looking at her. “First we need to find out if she’s actually still in prison.” Garrett scooted a little closer to her, so he could see the screen. 

Hailey looked frustrated as she typed aggressively, it wasn’t really getting them anywhere. “Hailey,” Garret said, grabbing her attention. “You are the strongest person I have ever met, if anyone can figure this out, it’s you.” He said, watching as her tough guy facade finally fell before him. “I’m lucky that I get to call you my partner.” 

She eyed him, his honestly and heartfelt-ness coming out of left-field. They usually never talked like this. But, she let it go. Chalking the comment up to the many lines they had already crossed during the evening, she was bound to feel a little strange. “Thanks, me too.” 

The rest of the evening was spent deep in thought, developing several different ways things could go wrong and how to fix them. Somehow they ended up sprawled out on her couch, Garrett sound  asleep and Hailey wide awake, eyes darting between him and the floor. She had finally let someone else in, and she had this horrid feeling that it would come back to bit her in the ass. It would come back for both of them. 

…

A/N: Holy crap, it has been SO LONG since I have updated this story. I’m so sorry you all, it’s been an absolutely crazy few months and I am happy to say that I have finally found the inspiration to write again. I’ve decided that I will update this story every Wednesday, so hopefully the accountability will keep me on track. Thank you so so much for reading. Have a great night <3

P.S. like always, comment to be added to the taglist!

@lissethsrojas @puckluck28 @fuckyeahkillianemma @ruzek-halstead @thebigapocalypsewolf @karihighman @anotheronechicagobog @snowwhite013 @tracysupton @angelsjedi @anniesardors @carissalizz @joy-meathiel @alkadri-layal @number2chicagopdfan @stephanie708

#hailey upton #jay halstead #upstead #kim burgess #adam ruzek #burzek #kevin atwater #vanessa rojas #rowater #upstead au #burzek au #chicago pd #one chicago #trudy platt #hank voight

[dearest-bucky]

Taste of heaven (One Shot)

Single Dad! Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky’s daughter can’t sleep without her dad, but what happens when he has to go away on a mission?

Words: 1.9K

Warnings: None, only fluff

A/n: This was inspired by @itsunclebucky‘s drabble ‘Dada’ and I couldn’t help myself but write some more of it. Let me know what you think. xx

Originally posted: June 4, 2020

Despite being his job, literally what he did for a living, Bucky had started to hate missions and having to go away whenever the world needed saving or bad guys needed put in check. Every job that required him to stay away from the compound for the night, he loathed it.

The reason for that being his 6 years old daughter.

Bucky loves his daughter, there’s no doubt. Despite the fact that she came unexpected in his life, one of his one night stands showing up at the compound a year later with a small baby in her arms, saying it was his and she couldn’t raise a child, Bucky welcomed the bundle in his life immediately. He knew the danger of having a child in his life, considering his job, but he figured she’d be the safest around a bunch of superheroes.

At first, he had no idea what to do, how to act around the baby. He didn’t know anything about taking care of such a small creature, fragile and innocent. He didn’t know how to feed her, how to change her, how to put her to sleep.

What he knew though, was that he loved his daughter from the moment he laid eyes on her. Her small hand grabbed his metal thumb and he was gone for. He would give his life for that baby if necessary. No doubt. The rest he would figure with the help of the team, all becoming devoted uncles and aunts to see to every need of the sweet child.

Six years later and the little girl was inseparable from her father. She’d always get antsy when he was away on missions and she’d always sleep with him when he was at the compound, despite having her room just next to his. That little girl had the big bad Winter Soldier wrapped around her little finger and Bucky was happy for that.

“But daddy, who’s gonna sleep with me when you’re gone?” She stomped her foot on the floor in protest while Bucky was trying his hardest to explain to his daughter that he had a job to do and it was imperative that he went on the mission.

“It’s just for a night baby, daddy’ll be back by tomorrow morning. For tonight you can sleep with Mr. Snuggles.” He held up the teddy bear and placed it in his daughter’s arms. “He’s gonna make sure you’re safe while I’m gone, okay?”

“But daaaad…” A whine escaped her mouth and Bucky gave her a stern look.

“Rebecca Barnes be a good girl please. You won’t be alone. Uncle Sam and Auntie Y/n are gonna be with you and you will watch Disney movies. I know you stay in front of the TV for hours when you’re with them.” He accused playfully and Becca had the decency to blush and lower her head.

“Okay then.” She finally gave up the fight. Bucky planted a kiss on top of her head before walking out of the room and to the jet hangar. He was already late as it is.

****

“Becs, wanna go to bed? It’s way too late for you now.” Y/n spoke to the little girl that was half laying on top of her in the couch in front of the TV. She’d been half sleeping for the last hour, but refused to go to bed for the night, saying she didn’t like sleeping alone.

They had both spent most of the day, just like Bucky said, in front of the TV, watching one Disney movie after the other, cooked pancakes for dinner (that only happened when she was with Y/n, Bucky insisted his daughter eat healthy) and now it was almost 11pm and Becca wouldn’t go to bed yet.

Sam bid them ‘good night’ 30 minutes ago, yet Becca still wouldn’t give up.

“Okay.” The little girl mumbled sleepily and Y/n could get up and do a victory dance, before Becca spoke again. “But only if you sleep with me.”

Y/n chuckled at her and nodded her head. “Okay munchkin, let’s get you to bed.”

She hoisted the girl in her arms, her head resting on her shoulder, already sleeping, and made the way to her room. Just as she was about to enter through the door, Becca woke up again, lifting her head to see around and pouting her lips.

“Not here, I sleep better in daddy’s bed.” She stated simply and rested her head on Y/n’s shoulder again. Y/n only sighed but did as she was told, turning to walk to Bucky’s bedroom.

She opened the door and walked to his bed, gently placing the little girl under the covers and tucking her in.

“Come sleep with me.” She mumbled, not opening her eyes, but Y/n knew she couldn’t refuse her. She didn’t want to upset her, so after a moment’s thought she climbed in next to Becca. The little girl turned around to face her body and got closer to her, hiding her face in her chest. Y/n couldn’t help but smile at the sight. She circled her arm around Becca’s small figure and closed her eyes too.

While she was nervous to be in Bucky’s bed, she was content with Becca. She loved the little girl as if she were her own and having feelings for Bucky (albeit secret ones) didn’t help at all her case in feeling even more attached to his daughter.

****

“C'mon Steve, land this thing already.”

The mission had been a success and ended faster than they had thought. Now it was almost 3 am and they were just touching the jet bay again, returning unscathed but tired nonetheless.

Bucky couldn’t wait to go to his daughter. He knew he had spoiled her, but he figured he didn’t care much. Becca was the light of his life and he’d do anything for her.

Finally the jet touched the ground and Bucky couldn’t press the button to open its door and walk out of it faster than he had. With quick strides he made his way to his apartment, slowly opening the door of his daughter’s room first, but he was surprised to find her bed empty, still made. However he quickly gathered that she might be sleeping in his bed. She always said she felt safer when she slept with her father and Bucky’s heart melted at her words, that is why he could never say no to her when she crawled in his room in the middle of the night asking if she could sleep with him. He’d smile sleepily at her and pat the empty space next to his and that would be enough of an answer for her, her small feet padding the floor quickly and getting under the covers with her dad.

As Bucky made his way to his own bedroom, he smiled when he thought of his daughter sleeping soundly there, but when he opened his door and entered the room, his breath hitched in his throat at the sight.

Laying in his bed, sleeping soundly and snoring softly, were not only his daughter, but also Y/n.

Now Y/n was a complicated matter. Before Becca arrived, they’d been slowly but surely on their way to become something more than friends. If the light flirting and longing gazes were enough of an indication, they had feelings for each other, but when his one night stand came in with Becca in her arms and left the baby in Bucky’s arms, Y/n was hurt, to say the least.

She retreated almost completely from Bucky, throwing herself in a vortex of endless missions. Bucky on the other hand, didn’t have time either to pursue a relationship with anyone anymore, considering he had a baby to take care of.  So what they had, or rather could have, ended without even starting at all.

Slowly but surely, Y/n had managed to  get over the hurt but never over Bucky. Rebecca was always with her if she wasn’t with her dad and Y/n loved with the little girl so much to even consider staying away anymore. However, her relationship with Bucky turned strictly platonic despite the feelings that were still there.

And now, seeing Y/n in his bed, cuddling in her sleep with his daughter, did nothing to stop the soar in his heart. His mind fled to the thought of Y/n being his daughter’s mother. She’d be a great mom, he pondered in his head, but he quickly dismissed the thought with a blush.

Reluctantly, he willed his feet to move to the adjoined bathroom to take a shower, careful and quiet to not wake neither of the girls up.

He emerged the bathroom minutes later, fresh out of shower and already dressed in sweatpants and a shirt. With bare feet he paddled across the room and moved to the empty side of his bed, slowly lifting the covers to lay down.

Becca’s back was turned to him, seeing how she was curled next to Y/n who was sleeping on the other side of his large bed, but when Bucky’s weight caused the mattress to dip slightly, the girl felt his presence and shuffled to turn to him, eyes and mind still half asleep.

“Daddy, you’re back.” She mumbled as she inched closer to him to hug his torso.

Bucky placed a small kiss on her head and stroked her hair lightly, carefully moving some of it from her face. “Yeah baby, I’m back.” His voice, no matter how small and hushed, made Y/n stir in her sleep and open her eyes, surprised to see Bucky laying down beside them.

She cleared her throat lightly and moved in a sitting position. “Glad you’re back in one piece.” She said, voice still laced with sleep. “Now that you’re here I should go to my room.” Her words held an underlying tone of longing and Bucky didn’t miss it.

The flesh arm that was draped over his daughter’s small figure stretched out and his hand grabbed her wrist carefully, not allowing her to move. Y/n turned her head to look at him confused, silently asking with her eyes what was going on.

“I think you should stay.” He said after a moment of silence, almost hesitant to let the words out, but he did. Her eyes widened at his words, but she didn’t say a thing, his eyes pleading her to do as he said and she couldn’t find it in her to say no to him. Slowly she laid back down on the bed, facing Bucky, his hand still wrapped around her wrist, holding her softly but firmly.

He slowly brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles lightly. “We’ll talk in the morning.” He said, a promise that held too much meaning for both of them and Y/n only nodded her head before placing their now joined hands on Becca’s shoulder.

The little girl shuffled again, going back to Y/n and mumbling sleepily on her shirt as she resumed her earlier position curled up in front of her and Y/n only smiled lovingly at the sight, her eyes meeting Bucky who moved to be closer to his girls too.

The three of them fell asleep that night curled up next to each other, like a real family, and Bucky couldn’t be happier for the turn of events.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagines

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

#hope this is marketable?? #sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh #it doesn't make sense just go w it #parkner #peter parker #harley keener

[sardonicnihilism]

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 5 The Older Woman

Chapter 5

The rest of 2018 and 2019 passed in fairly unremarkable fashion. The kids kept seeing the counselor, Jerry's behavior and grades improved until he was one of his grades top students. Tabatha, likewise, did extremely well academically. Jerry joined the school soccer team and took up violin, and Tabatha took up piano, guitar, and drums. While life continued with its normal ups and downs, it really did seem like the worst was behind them.

Even when 2020 hit like a meteor, it still didn't affect Shannon and her family that much. Both Sam and Shannon were deemed essential workers, and therefore kept their jobs. The schools shut down, but Shannon did home lessons over the summer and the kids did remote learning in the fall. Jerry struggled, having a hard time staying focused, but Tabatha did exceptionally well.

It was November when things started to go to Hell for them personally. Shannon started noticing a pain in her right chest and shoulder. It would constantly ache, and if she moved too fast, bolts of sharp, white hot pain would shoot through her body. At first she thought it was just muscle strain from lifting too much (she had gotten back into weight training to lose weight), but when she had taken a week off and there was no improvement, she knew she had to see a doctor.

Here appointment was in December, the week after Christmas. The doctor checked her out and then chewed her out. She was 47 years old and had never had a mammogram. Shannon reluctantly agreed to have one and her doctor made the appointment.

Shannon got her mammogram the second week of January at 8:50 AM. By 3:30 PM, she had three messages saying she should contact them immediately. Shannon had breast cancer. More than that, it had already spread to other parts of her body. After a consultation with the entire family, they decided on an aggressive treatment plan. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Shannon's health declined rapidly. Most of her hair fell out and she shrank from 252 pounds to 110. She was week and tired all the time. She mostly laid in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom; usually to vomit. It was decided that she would enter the hospital for her final days.

Sam would visit everyday. At first he brought the kids with him every time, then every other day, and then they would only come once a week on Sundays. By the end of April, it was clear it was only a matter of days.

Sam's last visit was on a Sunday. It was a perfect spring day. It was so warm and sunny that it made Sam angry. It seemed like a cosmic insult to everything he and Shannon were going through. However, he had managed to purge himself of his bitterness by the time he had gotten to Shannon's room.

She was staring out the window, a contemplative smile gracing her gaunt face. Her hands were folded in her lap and she looked almost transcendent.

"How's the most beautiful woman in the world doing today?" he asked with forced happiness as he entered her room.

Shannon turned to him and smiled as happy a smile as she could. "I don't know. I haven't seen her today," she joked back in her weak, hoarse voice.

Sam grabbed a chair and sat beside her. "How're you sweetie?" he asked with a hushed sadness.

"I'm ok. Best as possible I suppose. I was just thinking I beat mom by a month. She passed in April, I made it all the way to May. Of course she beats me on years though." Shannon's sense of gallows humor was not only still there, but had become stronger than ever.

"I tried to get the kids to come out, but they just couldn't," Sam said apologetically.

Shannon just waved her hand. "It's ok, my family never did do death well."

She turned back to the window and started talking as much to herself as to Sam. "I was going to ask you to make a recording of me saying my farewells to the kids, but then I thought if I really wanted this to be the last and forever image of me; a sad, shriveled up husk of a human being - an image of sadness and loss? That just seems too cruel. I'd rather be forgotten if that is the case."

"You'll never be forgotten," Sam tried to reassure her.

She turned back to him, smiling even more. "We're all forgotten eventually darling." She then reached out and took his hand. "It's been a life, hasn't it?"

"It sure has," he said, trying to smile, but tears were already starting to run down his cheek. "And I thank you for being the love of mine."

"As you are with mine," she said in a peaceful voice.

"No, you don't have to say that. You don't have to pretend." He shook his head as he spoke. He didn't want their potentially last moments to be filled with lies.

"Who's pretending?" Shannon said, sounding almost happy, like he had just told her a joke. "What? You think because I'm not romantically or sexualy attracted to you, that means you're not the love of my life? People put so much emphasis on romantic love. Darling, you were far more than a lover. Being a lover is easy. You were a friend." She then brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

Sam was now weeping heavily. "The first time I met you in the library, I knew I loved you," he choked out.

"When I was a little girl, I asked my grandfather why he kept the dogs outside. He said because animals don't belong in the house. That night, my biological mother, left me in her car while she went into the bar. I was alone, freezing. I wondered if maybe I was an animal and that's why I was being left alone.

"My entire life I felt alone, unloved, unlovable. I was angry and bitter and I hurt anyone or thing I could so they would feel what I felt. I caused so much pain.

"Then I met Jen and I thought I found love. I loved her and I thought she loved me, but she only loved what she thought I was. When I turned out not to be that, she turned her back on me and I went off the deep end.

"And then there was you. You made me laugh. I could talk to you about anything. I felt safe around you; not physically, but emotionally. I became a better person because of you.

"Even when I came out to you, you didn't turn me away, throw me out, which I would have understood if you did. You never stopped being my rock, my shoulder to cry on, the clown to make me laugh when I was crying. You never stopped being my friend."

"And I never will," Sam barely choked out.

"And that is why you're the love of my life."

Sam got up and they embraced. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she gave him one the cheek. They spent the next five hours just reminiscening and joking.

"I better get going, I suppose," Sam said reluctantly. "I can't leave the kids alone all day, but I don't want to leave you alone either. Not to die at least."

"We all die alone honey, even if we're surrounded by people," she said with a smile. "Go. You're a father and your kids need you. I'm already dead. The only thing the dead need is rest. Just, just tell the kids I love them."

"Always," he said tearfully.

A couple hours after he left, she began to feel really tired, her fingers and toes started going numb. She knew the time had come.

She started thinking about tombstones. A name, a dash, and another date. Everything she was, everything she had been, reduced to a small line, carved in a stone that would survive long after she had been forgotten. It seemed unfair, cruel even.

She then thought about something else, something she had learned back in college. She thought about quantum entanglement, how two atoms can become entangled, linked forever across time and space, eternal mirrors to each other.

Her mind then darted to the concept of the multiverse. How there might be infinite universes out, each with their own version of her. What if two versions could be linked somehow? Entangled? What if her mirror was out there? Could she reach her? Could her mind link across dimensions to one of her other selves to share her story?

*Please, please, if can hear me, please tell my story. Please don't let me be forgotten!*, she thought over and over to herself, trying to reach out to anyone who might hear until her brain ceased to function and she passed away.

**************************************

Shannon Brown was born on November 22, 1975 to a single, alcoholic mother. He was taken in by his grandparents and his aunt Mary who raised him as her own. It is Mary who he considers to be his real mother. His biological mother, Kathy, would have two other children, a girl named Tracy (1977) and Paul Jr. (1979).

By about 4 or 5, Shannon knew that he wasn't a he, but a she, but having no language to express this, she kept this to herself. Shannon grew up alone, morbidly obese for most of her life, she never really had any friends and was constantly bullied and picked on. This made her angry and she would often act out in horrible and usually, self destructive ways.

She did manage to lose weight and was thin from 19 to 24. It was at this time she met her future wife, Samantha Hopwood online. Samantha, an Australian citizen, eventually moved to the United States and they got married in 2001. In 2009, their first child, Joshua was born.

It was after that, Shannon came out to Samantha as transgender. It caused a lot of pain and anger in their marriage, but they were able to work through some of it so that they had their second child, Tara, in 2011. In 2020, after years of being partially closeted, Shannon came out to everyone on Facebook (much to the horror of her wife).

It was about this time that Shannon discovered an app called FaceApp. It could change your photo to look like a child, old person, even the opposite physical gender. Shannon took a picture of herself, femininized it, and then took that new picture and reaged it from a little girl to an old woman. As Shannon stared at the pictures, she couldn't help but marvel over how real they looked! These looked like real pictures of an actual person.

"Who are you?" she said to herself. "Who are you, what is your story?" The more she stared at the pictures, the more she could almost hear this stranger call out, "Please, please, tell my story." It was then Shannon knew what she had to do. She opened her Tumblr app, hit the write symbol, and began-

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 1: The Girl

Chapter 1

*This story is dedicated to the memory of H.P. Lovecraft; a horrible man, but great world builder. This wouldn't exist without him.*

#fiction #dark #drama #queer stories #slice of life #sad #fantasy #lovecraft

[oliviastan17]

Stuck (3/?) Vegas Part 1

Length: 2.5k 

Warnings: Language, drinking, gambling, fluff, smut

A/n: Seb in this shirt inspired this smut. GIF not mine. DO NOT POST TO ANY OTHER WEBSITE. Reblog please! There will be a Vegas Part 2!

Liv was exhausted but her mind was keeping her from falling asleep. She just worked 4 12’s in a row and she should have been able to fall asleep quickly. She had been tossing and turning in bed for about an hour when she heard Sebastian unlocking her front door.

With her apartment dark he quietly walked in, put his bag down, and shoes off.

“I’m awake,” she said quietly.

“Sorry. Dinner ran late,” he said taking his clothes until he was only in his underwear. He lifted the blankets up and lay down on his side of the bed. They had been together for 3 months and hadn’t spent a night apart so sides of the bed had been determined a long time ago.

“Sorry I didn’t want to go,” she said scooting over to be closer to him.

“You’re tired, I get it,” he said lifting his arm up so she could snuggle up in the nook of his neck where she fit perfectly. He brought his hand up to cup her face and leaned his head down to kiss her.

“I can’t fall asleep. My mind is racing,” she said after taking a deep breath.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Do you have any regrets?”

“Where did that come from?”

“I’ve had this patient for 2 weeks and his response every time I ask him how he is doing is ‘I’ve got no regrets so I can’t complain.’ I’ve been thinking about regrets a lot today.”

“Do you have any?”

“Yeah, I think if I could go back and change anything I would have handled things with my dad better.” 

Liv had a complicated relationship with her dad. He wasn’t the kind of dad to say “I love you” or even hug or kiss his kids and she had always held that against him. A few years ago they had gotten into a fight where Liv let out a lifetime of frustration on him and said some things she knew really hurt him.

“But you and your dad are okay now.”

“I guess. I mean we aren’t close and probably never will be but I still regret what I said to him. What about you?”

“I don’t think I have any regrets. Everything I have done has led me to be right here so it’s hard to regret any of it, you know. I worry about regretting things in the future though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like I worry about missing out on something because I made a wrong decision or not getting to do everything I want to do cause I ran out of time. Shit like that.”

“My patient is just always so happy. He’s really sick but always smiling. Maybe it’s the no regrets lifestyle and I should try it out.”

“Maybe we should.”

“Love you,” she said as she settled in his arms.

“Love you,” he said as he kissed her forehead.

Liv was finally able to drift off soon after. Maybe it was due to talking about what was bothering her or Sebastian’s calming presence. Whatever it was, she was thankful. Her question got Sebastian thinking about regrets and him not wanting to have them as he tried to fall asleep.  He came up with a plan he would share with Liv in the morning.

----------------------------

Sebastian wasn’t in her apartment when Liv woke up and she figured he had probably gone to the gym or something. She was a little confused 30 minutes later when he burst through her front door with his suitcase rolling in behind him.

 “I need you to pack a bag,” he said walking towards her and smiling big with excitement.

“Pack for what?”

“I’m calling it The No Regrets Tour and our flight leaves in 3 hours,” he said after checking his watch.

“No Regrets Tour? Where are we going?”

“You know last night I was thinking about regretting things because I didn’t have time to do it or go to that place and my first thought was we should go to Australia but since we only have a few days I went with our second travel destination.”

“You want to go to Vegas? Today?”

“You up for it? You think you can handle all this sexiness in Vegas?” he asked jokingly gesturing to his glorious body.

“Honey, I think you need to worry about handling all of me when I am in Vegas,” she told him with a wink. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head while he smiled big as he thought about her response.

“This is quickly turning into my best idea ever!” he said kissing her.

 -----------------------------------------------

“Traveling with you has its perks Seb,” Liv said as she looked around the suite he had booked and thinking about the first class tickets, the town car that was waiting for them at the airport, entering the hotel through the back entrance, and then the quick check in.

“You like it?”

“You did good,” she said and then wrapped her arms around him as they looked out the window at the Las Vegas strip.

“Oh, look. Thunder from Down Under,” he said pointing at the large billboard advertising the show. “That could count as a little bit of Australia.”

Liv laughed.

“I came here for my 21st birthday with my mom and we stayed here one night and then she transferred us to the Wynn because people shutting doors were waking her up. Well, that’s what she says anyway. I think she just really wanted to stay at the Wynn. Such a diva,” she said obviously joking.

Sebastian laughed while he snaked his hands around her waist to pull her closer and she brought her arms up to circle his shoulders as she kissed him.

Liv’s phone rang at the same exact time as there was a knock at the door.

“That’s our bags,” he grunted out as he unwrapped his arms from around her and then went to answer the door.

“Speak of the diva,” she said as she answered the FaceTime on her phone. “Hey Mom.”

“Hey, how's my favorite daughter?

"You say that to your other daughter, too. Don't act like we don't know."

"I just saw your Instagram. You didn’t tell me you were going out of town.”

“It was very last minute. When did you get Instagram?”

“Your Aunt Kathy let’s me use hers. So where’d you go?”

“Just took a quick trip,” Liv said flipping the camera to show the Las Vegas strip view.

“Oh now I’m jealous! Where are you staying?”

“At my favorite. The Bellagio,” Liv replied flipping the camera back around.

“Did you warn Sebastian how loud it is? Oh there he is!" she said seeing him walk in the background. "Sebastian, did she tell you how loud it is there?”

“Yes, she did,” he said stepping into full view of the camera. “I was actually thinking about switching to the Wynn,” he said and then took a playful elbow to his stomach from Liv.

“See Liv? I told you I thought he looked smart didn’t I?”

“That’s not the word you used Mom.”

“Well, anyways have a good time! You’re coming for dinner next weekend right? You too Sebastian?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he assured her.

“Bye Mom,” Liv said and then hung up. “What?” was her follow up question when she saw the smile on his face.

“Your mom loves me.”

“You're the only boyfriend who would talk to her on the phone before actually meeting her.”

“Yeah, I don’t just look smart for nothing.”

“You don't want to know what she actually said. It was wildly inappropriate,” Liv laughed.

 “So what do you want to do first? Drink, shop, eat, gamble?”

“Yes.”

“Which one?”

“You can do all of them all at the same time here. Let me show you how to properly sin.”

 -------------------------------------------

Eight hours and copious amounts of alcohol later they were sitting at a blackjack table. Liv had busted already while Sebastian had the choice of staying at 20 or splitting the 2 10’s. Unsure of how to bet he shot a glance at Liv.

"No regrets tour," she answered shrugging her shoulders. He puckered his lips and nodded his head then added another $100 bet to split the cards. He hit blackjack on both hands with an ace dealt for each.

“No fucking way!” Liv laughed in disbelief.

“You ready to go?” he asked stacking up his chips.

“Yeah.”

He generously tipped the dealer $100 while Liv threw her chips in her bag and then he tossed his chips in with hers.

“How much are you up?” she asked while handing him her phone to hold because she couldn’t zip up her clutch as they walked away.

“Two grand maybe? Who is Poodle?” he asked looking at her ringing phone.

“Alex,” and she followed by answering her phone with, “Anastasia Beaverhausen.” The latter caused Sebastian to do a spit take.

“Hold on, I think I killed Seb,” she laughed.

You need help burying the body?

“Nah, false alarm. You and I can’t sneak away and get married now.”

Is that what you are doing in Vegas?

“What?”

I said what are you doing in Vegas?

“Pursuing my lifelong dream of being in a celebrity sex tape.”

I better get a copy because you sure as shit won’t describe his dick to me.

“We’re going up to the room. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Okay, fuck that Winter Soldier real good!

“Copy that,” she said rolling her eyes and hanging up.

“I’m really glad you brought up a sex tape cause I brought my camera and uh...” he teased raising his eyebrows as they waited for the elevator.

Liv playfully pushed him away.

As soon as the doors to the elevator closed Sebastian had her pinned against the wall, kissing her with his hands roaming all over her body. She thought about stopping him but then she decided “fuck it.” This is Las Vegas and they would not be the first couple to get a little handsy in the elevator. Neither one of them noticed the doors had opened on their floor until the people waiting for the elevator cleared their throats.

“Sorry, she just won’t stop attacking me in elevators,” he said grabbing Liv’s hand and leading the way out of the elevator.

“Oh my god. Lies!” Liv responded.

“Hey man, aren’t you Bucky?” the man asked as they passed him.

Sebastian stopped walking, turned around and said, “Who the hell is Bucky?”

“No way!” the man said with excitement. “Can I get a picture?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Sebastian took a picture with the man and his girlfriend who clearly had no idea who he was.

“Awesome! Thank you so much!”

“Yeah, no worries!  Have a good night!” he said as he put his arm around Liv and began walking down the hall to their suite.

“Who is Bucky?” Liv had to ask.

“That’s who I play in the Cap movies,” he said stopping at the door and putting the key card in.

“I thought you were the Winter Soldier?”

“I’m both. It’s the same person.”

“You have multiple personalities?”

“What? No! Why isn’t this working?” he said putting the key in for the 4th time and seeing the same red light appear.

Liv turned to look at the door and then saw the room number. “Shit! This is not our room number, “she laughed.

The door suddenly opened and the obviously annoyed occupant asked, “Can I help you?”

“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry! Wrong room.”

The only response they got was the door being shut.

Liv was in a ball of drunken laughter on the floor as she pointed to the room across the hall. He was laughing almost as hard as she was as he tried the key in that one and it worked on the first try.

“Come on,” he said holding his hand out to help Liv up and then pulled her inside. “God damn hotel. Why would they switch the rooms like that?” 

Something in Liv switched when she walked into the suite. She heard him say something as he shut the door but honestly could not have cared less what it was. She noted it was something that he must have amused himself with because he was smiling his goofy smile when she turned around.

She dropped her purse on the ground while kicking off her shoes, grabbed Sebastian by the collar of his shirt and pulled his lips down to hers with her hand on the back of his neck. His smile got wider against her lips as he wrapped his arms around her. She started gently pushing him in the opposite direction of the bedroom so he pulled away.

“Other wa-“ he said but was cut off by her shoving him up against the door. Oh! It’s going to be one of those nights. He smiled knowingly and excitedly.

She brought her lips back up to his hurriedly and he responded passionately while unzipping her dress and pushing the straps down so it fell to the floor. She slipped her hands up his burgundy shirt and he quickly removed it. Her hands briefly grazed the nape of his neck while she slipped her tongue past his lips. She let her hands feel all the way down his chest, to his abs and down to undo his pants. He moaned as she slid her hand into his boxer briefs and stroked his rapidly enlarging cock.

She broke the kiss to kiss down his body until she was down of her knees pulling his pants down and wasted no time before gently sucking the precum off his tip.

He sighed “Fuck” as she moved her mouth up and down his shaft stopping to swirl her tongue around the tip before resuming the motion. Alternating between fast and slow head bobbing following her mouth with her hand had him rapidly approaching his release.

He bent down placing his hands on her arms bringing her back up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She brought one leg up knowing his next action and he held onto it so she could bring the other leg up to wrap around his waist.

With his pants still around his ankles and his lips finding hers again, he shuffled into the other room and collapsed on top of her on the bed. He stood back up to step out of his pants while taking her underwear off, then climbed back on top and positioned himself to thrust into her but was stopped when she flipped him over to be on top and guided him into her core. His hands gripped her hips tightly as she moved up and down until she grabbed his wrists and moved his arms up above his head, entwining her fingers with his and kissing him deeply. It was all tongue and nibbles on his lips until she was clenching around him and moaning his name.

He quickly grabbed her hips again and rolled her over, then wasted no time before pounding into her fast and deep until he felt her back arch and clench around him again. A few thrusts later he came.

He hovered above her and murmured, "God, I love you,” before bringing his lips back onto hers.

When he finally broke the kiss she replied, "Love you too.”

Vegas Part 2

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The Chilling Adventures of Zelda Chapter 5-ROAD TO RECOVERY PLEASE REMEMBER TO COMMENT!

CHAPTER 5-THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

WARNING: Talk of suicide

 Zelda couldn’t sleep. She sighed as she turned to look at the clock, 2:45 AM. Zelda looked upper still to Hilda 3 feet away, lightly snoring. Zelda removed her blankets and put her feet into her slippers. She exited the bedroom before conjuring a little ball of light to accompany her down the dark hallway. It had been 2 and a half weeks since Zelda’s husband had been separated from his insanity curse and things were not going all that well. The plan had been to free Faustus and then kill the curse and they had tried their best. Zelda had been literally in hell as Prudence tried to stab it and Hilda came from behind with a heavy rock. However, the stab wound made no difference and the rock that broke in 2. It fell to Zelda to tell her family that the curse bore the mark of Cain, which made it immortal. Somehow, the curse got away. So, Blackwood, (to help avoid confusion, the family decided to call the curse Blackwood and the real man Faustus,) was on the run again but not for long. A week later, when all the coven was in the church to hear mass, a bloody Dorcas stormed in to tearfully inform the others that Blackwood stormed the nearly empty academy. Dorcas tried hard but Blackwood did manage to reclaim the twins before disappearing again. Poor Dorcas blamed herself, but Zelda tried her best to comfort the distraught girl. Secretly, Zelda herself wanted to cry. How could they lose the twins yet again, after a mere 8 days! Late at night on all 7 nights, Zelda would take care not to be caught as she sneaked into where the twins slept. She would tuck them in if needed, kiss them and just stay with them for a while. Wondering how Judas and Letitia, she knew the girl twin was calling herself Judith, but she would always be Letitia to Zelda, could possibly be teenagers, when their 1st birthday was still weeks away.  Agatha, who was already pretty hostile, grew even more violent and wild when she learned that Blackwood came to get the twins but not her. Knowing that Agatha was a danger not only to herself but to the other students and teachers, Zelda made the decision to put Agatha in the dungeon, for now.

“I’m really sorry girls,” Zelda told the other weird sisters about her decision. “I wish there was another way, but I need to put the safety of the coven first, plus if Blackwood comes back for her, it won’t be so easy.”

“We  understand, Sister Zelda.”  Prudence soothed.

Dorcas nodded. “Agatha’s in good hands. We trust you, Mistress  Spellman.”

Zelda smiled, she needed to hear that right now.

Zelda briefly considered getting in touch with their mysterious new ally, Gloria Rose but the idea was quickly dismissed for 2 reasons. First, Zelda had no idea where Gloria lived or how to get in touch with her and had a funny feeling that Gloria wouldn’t pop up again it was time for Lilith’s next appointment. Also, was the fact that Gloria had betrayed Blackwood by giving him to the Spellmans so it was unlikely Blackwood would go back to her.

 The cold hallway gave Zelda a chill, sending her back to the present. Zelda went to the end of the hall and opened the linen closet, grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around herself.  In addition to worrying about Blackwood, the twins, and Agatha, Zelda was extremely concerned about Faustus, only in a completely different way. Agatha’s behavior was violent and dangerous. Faustus was a danger to no one but himself. Zelda was with her husband when he asked the dark lord to put him under house arrest and stripped him of all his magical powers. Boy, Faustus was not kidding. He asked for house arrest but it was more like room arrest. Shortly after returning from hell, Faustus went down to the morgue and stayed there for 2 and a half weeks. The morgue was the lowest, coldest room in the Spellman house. Zelda suspected if Faustus could go lower, he would. He also absolutely wouldn’t hear of going near the church or school.

“I am no longer a high priest,” he said when Sabrina addressed as Father  Blackwood, “nor should I be. I betrayed a sacred trust when I poisoned the entire coven.” His head turned as his eyes grew misty.

 Faustus also insisted on being punished.  He even asked Ambrose to chain him up. Zelda quickly overruled that request. There was no self-torture Faustus wouldn’t inflict on himself. One day, he found a rope that he used as a  whip. By the time someone found him, his back was red, bruised and bleeding. He wouldn’t allow anyone to heal him but a sneaky Zelda did it while he was asleep. Zelda feared she wouldn’t be attracted to a powerless Faustus but she was wrong. I love him, she thought. I truly love him, more and more each day. People made sure that trays of Hilda’s famous cooking was brought down to him at least 3 times a day,  but Faustus barely touched any of it. Zelda spent hours and hours with him, begging him to eat, if only for her. It kind of reminded Zelda when she and  Hilda would do a good cop/bad cop routine when a 4-year-old Sabrina refused to eat her peas. On the days that were really bad, Zelda would take her own dinner to the morgue and refused to eat until Faustus did. Of course, her pregnancy and the fact that the baby needed to be fed, was her ace in the hole and soon found Faustus cleaning his plate.

 Zelda dismissed the ball of light as she went down the spiral steps to the morgue. There was a  full moon tonight and its light filled the room. Zelda sighed as she saw Faustus was, yet again, not sleeping in the cot that had been prepared for him but instead, sitting against the wall, wearing only his pants, trying to keep himself from nodding off. Why? Because sleep deprivation was a form of torture too.

“It’s like he’s broken, Aunt Hilda.” Zelda overheard Ambrose said one morning. Zelda said nothing as she entered the room but she knew whatever was ‘broken’ in Faustus, could be fixed.

“What are you doing here?” Faustus asked when he finally noticed Zelda standing on the last stair. “It’s late. You should be asleep.”

“So should you.” She returned firmly.

He shook his head. “I don’t matter, you do.”

“Yes, you do.” You matter to me. Zelda thought silently to herself. Zelda wanted to tell Faustus she loved him a thousand times since he been back but it never seemed to be the right moment. Sighing, she went over to him. “Oh, Faustus! Your hands are like ice! Here.” Zelda took off the blanket that was wrapped around her and gave it to him before going to the cot to pick up the rest of the blankets.

“No, I  don’t want it. I deserve to be cold!” Faustus whined like a child while pushing away the blankets. However, the blankets were tucked tightly around him once Zelda spelled it.

Then she sat down and snuggled next to him. “You know, Faustus,” Zelda said  before they both fell asleep, “you can’t go on like this much longer.”

  Zelda was right, of course, and Faustus knew it. It was Wednesday morning when it was when Faustus sneaked into the kitchen before anyone had come down. It was a lot harder to switch 2 bottles without powers.

“Well, Father Blackwood! It’s good  to  see you above ground level.” Faustus turned sharply around, keeping the bottle behind his back as he saw Hilda smiling at him. “Are you feeling better this morning?”

“A little.” He lied. “And call me Faustus.”

“Well, good! Fancy a bit of breakfast? The others should be right down.”

“No, thank you, Hilda. I’m not hungry.” That was true. It took a few more lines of small talk before Faustus was able to leave the kitchen without letting Hilda see the bottle he switched.  Out in the hallway, Faustus recognized a book on a bench that as headmistress,  Zelda would use. He picked it up and tucked it under his arm. Turning, Faustus almost ran into Sabrina.

“Oh, Miss Spellman, um, Sabrina, I’m glad I bumped into you. I just wanted to say that I am very ashamed of my behavior towards you when we first meet. I know now that I was just taking my anger toward your father out  on you and  that’s not fair to you.”

Sabrina was stunned. “T-Thank you, Fath, Mr. Blackwood. Perhaps we can start fresh going forward.”

Faustus smiled at the girl. He was back downstairs when he heard footsteps on the steps and Ambrose then came into view with a cardboard box.

 “I got you what you asked for from the academy.”

“Thank you, Ambrose. You’re a fine young man. My daughter could do a lot worse.”

Ambrose turned bright red.  “We aren’t back together or anything, not yet, I mean, not officially.”

“Nevertheless, I approve. Whatever you and Prudence decide to do.”

“Someone say my name? My ears are burning.” Prudence smiled as she entered.

“Hey, Prudence! What are you doing here?” Asked a friendly Ambrose.

“I just thought I would come round,  check on things here. Good morning, Father.”

Faustus returned his daughter’s smile. “Good morning, Prudence.”

“Do you want some company back to school?” Prudence asked Ambrose.

“Sure.”

They both turned to go until Faustus called his daughter back. Prudence turned and Faustus went up to his daughter, caressed her cheek before kissing her and giving her a big hug.

Prudence smiled. “What was that for?”

Faustus smiled back. “I just wanted to kiss and hug you just for no special reason, just once.”

Prudence’s smile grew bigger and she hugged him back. “Thank you,  Father.” She whispered in his ear.

She and Ambrose left then, passing Zelda on the stairs.

“Hello, Sister Zelda.”

“Morning, Aunt Z.”

Zelda came downstairs in a rush. “I can’t believe I’m going to be late again.” Zelda seemed to be  searching for something.”

“Lost something?” Faustus asked.

“Yes,” Zelda answered. “I   need a certain book for my 1st  class and I can’t  find it anywhere.”

Faustus held up the book he took from the hall. “Is it this one?”

Zelda looked up and immediately lit up. “Yes!” She took it from him and turned to leave.

My beautiful Zelda, Faustus thought. But I need 1 more look, just  1 more.

“Zelda?”

“Yes?”   She turned to him again and he drunk her in before he shrugged. “I forgot my thought.”

  It was half an hour before Faustus knew he was alone in the house.  It was only then that Faustus opened the cardboard box that Ambrose brought him to check if it had all the contents in it. Yep, it was all there. Every stomach-churning item. With 1 look, Faustus could tell that the old-fashioned potbelly stove was not going to be big enough to burn all this stuff. So, Faustus went upstairs to find something bigger. The fireplace in the living room seemed big enough but Faustus simply couldn’t do it.  It was on this exact spot, almost a year ago, that he kissed Zelda. It was by far, the very best kiss of his entire existence and that was the night that Faustus and Zelda started the affair that led to their marriage, 6 months later. Faustus continued his search combing all the upstairs but didn’t find anything that he needed.  Faustus was on the stairs when a stranger came through the door.

“Zelda?”  The stranger called.  “Prudence?”

“There’s no one here but me,”  Faustus said. “I think they’re at the academy.”

The strange woman looked up at him. “Who are you?”

I could ask the same thing of you. Faustus thought but he actually said “I’m an old friend of the Spellmans. I’m staying here for a few  days.”

“Oh, okay, nice to meet you. I’m Mambo Marie and I was just looking for Zelda. She’s been late a lot lately. I think she’s been avoiding me since we broke up.”

Faustus couldn’t stop himself. “Broke up?! You mean, the 2 of you used to be together?” You have no right to feel jealous. Faustus silently scolded himself. You have no right to feel anything but guilt and shame.

“Yes, we went out for a couple of months last spring,” Marie answered and sighed. “I still miss her sometimes. Zelda Spellman is proving a hard woman to get over.”

Try impossible, Faustus thought. Outloud, he said, “Would you like to get back together with  Zelda?”

Marie half-smiled and shook her head. “Not going to happen, even if I wanted it to. Our last conversation made that perfectly clear.”

“Oh, it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Oh no?”  Marie challenged. “The last time Zelda and I were alone together, I tried to get her to take…an abortion potion.” She looked down at her feet.

“You tried to get Zelda to kill ou, her baby?”

“I do regret it,” Marie said quickly. “I got hurt that Zelda didn’t tell me herself and I got mad when she told me that the father was that bastard who wants to kill the whole coven.”

Faustus closed his eyes at the word ‘bastard’ but he forced himself to go on. “Have you told Zelda that you’re sorry?”

Marie shrugged. “No, I mean, what would be the point? Zelda would never forgive me.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Zelda can be very forgiving, perhaps too forgiving.”

“What?” asked Marie.

“Nothing,” Faustus dismissed. “You know if you act now you  could surprise Zelda with a romantic lunch.”

“You think that will work?”

“Can’t hurt.”

“Well, okay. I’ll try.” Marie smiled.

“Try giving her purple Primroses. They’s are Zelda’s favorites.”

“Thank you.”

“Bye,” Faustus waved until Marie closed the door. “Please take good care of all I love.”

 Half an hour later, Zelda walked into her office, studying some papers and looked up to see a set table and Mambo Marie was smiling and holding flowers. “Hello, ma Cherie.”

“Hi, what are you doing?”

“I know it’s been a while,” Marie started. “But I thought we could have lunch together so I could apologize for my behavior from last time.”

Zelda smiled. “I appreciate that.” Zelda closed the folder, tossed it on her desk and sat down on the chair Marie had pulled out for her. Then Marie sat down herself.

“I am sorry Zelda.” Said Marie. “I had no right to tell  you what to do with your  baby, it is your  body, after all.”

“Yes, Marie, it is,” Zelda said firmly.

“But that’s  not all.”  Marie put her hand on top of Zelda’s and smiled. “Ma Cherie, I think we should give us  another chance.” When Zelda said nothing, Marie said jokingly. “What? There’s not somebody else, is there?” Zelda looked at her guiltily.

“Unbelieve!” Marie snapped.

Before a fight could break out, Hilda ran into the office. “Zelda! Zelda!”

Zelda stood up. “Hilda, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I was just in my herbalism class, showing how nightshade is poison in liquid form but when I opened the bottle, it was only dirt. Then I remember that I saw Father Blackwood in  the kitchen, near my purse and since this is the 1st  day he’s alone in  the house-“

“Faustus is going to kill himself.” Zelda finished for her sister.

Marie was utterly confused. “Wait, isn’t a good thing if Blackwood dies?”

“Blackwood and Faustus are not the same people anymore.”

“What?!”

“Hilda, you explain it to her. I got to go save Faustus.”

But Marie wouldn’t be put off. “Damn it, Zelda Spellman, if you walk out on me now, we are over! I mean it. I’m going back to New Orleans and I won’t be coming back!”

Zelda wasn’t one easily threaten but more than that, Marie didn’t seem to care about a potential suicide. “Have a safe trip,” Zelda said before teleporting home.

  Meanwhile, back in the morgue of the Spellman house, Faustus sat in a corner on the floor.  He held a picture of Zelda that he swiped from the mantle. “Goodbye, my love.” Faustus lifted the bottle to his lips but before he could drink anything, the bottle flew out of his palm and smashed against the opposite wall.

“What the heaven are you doing, Faustus?!” Zelda demanded, coming more into the room and gently shoved him. “You cannot leave me! You cannot leave me! You cannot leave me!” Zelda turned, covering her eyes to catch the fresh tears.  “What are you thinking of?”

“I was thinking of how you and everyone else would be better off without me.”

Zelda shook her head and crossed her arms. “That is so not true! You are needed, Faustus.”

“By  who?”

“By your children, by me!” Zelda returned. Faustus shook his head so Zelda went forward and held Faustus’s head so he had no choice but to look at her. “You are loved,” Faustus shook his head. “Yes, you are!” Zelda insisted. “Prudence love you, the twins love you, our new baby will love you and I love you.”

Faustus’s eyes widened. “In all our years, the centuries  we’ve known each other, that’s the 1 thing you’re never said to me, never.”

 “Well, I do, truly I do. I’m only sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

“What  about your girlfriend, Mambo Marie?”

“How do you  know about her?” Zelda asked. “Was she here? What am I even talking about? Of course, she was! She would never know to bring me purple primroses all by herself.  I won’t lie to you, Faustus. I did have a crush on Marie when we first met but crushes fade and in reality, we don’t know each other and lately, all we do is fight. Even now, when Hilda told me what you had  planned, she wanted me to stay and finish lunch with her but all I could think of was you and how I couldn’t bear to lose you, again.” Faustus stayed silent and Zelda got an awful,  horrible idea. “Have I gotten this all wrong? I know it’s only been a few months for us but it’s been 15 years for you. Do you no longer love me, Faustus?”

Faustus put an arm around her waist and for a second it looked like he was going to kiss her but forced himself to stop. “I love you so much, Zelda. Other than my children, I’ve never loved anyone else,  not for a second. Yet the fact remains that I don’t deserve you.”

“Deserve me or not, you have me!” Zelda said before she kissed him. Faustus tried to resist   but Zelda held him close and soon their bodies melted into each other. It wasn’t long before Faustus’s fingers found the zipper on the side of Zelda’s skirt. She stepped out of it and rolled her hosiery and panties down as far as they would go without breaking the kiss. Faustus, meanwhile, unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall off him before he scooped her up and gently laid her on the exam table. Carefully, he lowered himself over her. He began to kiss her, slowly. Beginning with the very top of her head and worked his way down to her forehead,  one cheek then the other and on to those sweet, sweet lips. As Faustus moved to kiss her neck, his fingers went to work, unbuttoning her blouse. Zelda’s view was blurry as he caressed her neck but when he skillfully took off her bra and embraced her breasts, Zelda saw nothing at all. Her sight returned when she realized that his kisses had stopped completely. Zelda looked up to see Faustus staring down at her swollen belly. Oh no, Zelda thought, the insecurity creeping in. Faustus wasn’t attracted to a heavyset woman. It was just a fact Zelda knew. Personally, Zelda never had to worry about it, until now. Does he find me disgusting, is that why he stopped.

Yet Faustus’s eyes were filled with wonder as he touched the mount of flesh that housed their child. “That’s our baby in there.” He kissed all around her stomach. “How far along are you?”

“I’m currently 9 and a half months pregnant.”

“It’s odd, isn’t it?” Faustus asked while he continued kissing. “It’s been 15 years for me but only a  few months for you, dearest. Hey! What is this?!”

“Oh, that’s just the wound from the gunshot.”

“What?! Who shot you?” Faustus demanded, instantly protective of his wife.

“It doesn’t matter.”  When  Zelda finally reached for his belt, Faustus grew nervous again.

“Zelda? Maybe we shouldn’t do  this.”

“Shh,” Zelda hushed. “You’re safe here. You’re safe with me, I promise.”

“Yes, but are you safe with me?” Faustus questioned.

Zelda only responded by kissing him and gently got on top of him. Now, it was Zelda’s turn to seduce. She kissed his chest, his hips and once she finally removed his pants, she went even lower. Faustus shivered with pleasure. When he couldn’t take it anymore so he rolled himself on top again and entered  Zelda. The couple was used to rough sex, but this wasn’t that. This was lovemaking, comforting and soothing lovemaking. The kind outlawed by the dark lord, but they didn’t follow him anymore. Zelda fell asleep in Faustus’s arms.

 When Zelda awoke, someone had covered her with a blanket, so she felt warm and safe. Without opening her eyes, Zelda reached out for Faustus but her hand couldn’t find him. Opening her eyes, Zelda discovered that he wasn’t beside her at all. With growing worry, Zelda prompted herself up on her elbow and scanned the room for her husband and found nothing.

“Faustus? Faustus!” Zelda cried out. Why did I fall asleep? She thought, panicking. Why did I leave him alone?

“I’m right here.” Came the calm reply. Zelda looked around and finally found him sitting on the floor, his back resting against the exam table. With a sigh of relief, Zelda wrapped the blanket around herself so she was at least semi-decent should anyone decide to come in before she climbed down to him.

“It seems that I’m always finding you on the floor.  We do have chairs, you know.” Zelda snuggled beside him but he made no move to embrace her nor did he push her away.

Finally, Faustus spoke. “We shouldn’t have done that.”        

“It’s okay,” Zelda soothed. “We don’t follow the dark lord anymore. Lovemaking should be fine.”

“I don’t give a flying fig about the dark lord!” Faustus cried, getting to his feet. “We shouldn’t have sex at all. Why can I never resist you, Zelda? Now it’s going to be next to impossible to go back.”

Zelda was confused. “I don’t understand, Faustus. Go back wh- OH!” Zelda instantly forgot what she was saying as her hand flew to her mid-section.

Faustus, too, briefly forgot whatever was troubling him as he went to his knees back to his wife. “Zelda? Zelda, what’s wrong?”

However, when  Zelda looked up,  she was smiling. “The baby,” she explained. “It just kicked.”

An odd expression came across Faustus’s face, one that was half horror, half awe. “Really?”

“Yes!” Zelda took Faustus’s hand and placed it on her stomach. “There,” she said after a moment. “Did you feel that?”

Faustus nodded. “Yes.” A tear fell from his eye as he stood, his head in his hands as he walked away. “This can’t be happening! Not now!” Faustus turned back to Zelda. “We’re finally married. You’re pregnant with my child. It’s all I ever wanted and I have to go back to him!”

Zelda was still completely lost. “Him? Him who?”

“My other half, of course,” Faustus answered. “I can’t thank you enough for…my little break, dearest but we both know that it could affect space and time if I’m not made whole soon. I just, I just can’t believe Edward was right. I’m, I’m just like my father.”

The mention of her brother made Zelda angry. “You are nothing like your father!”

“Oh no?”  Faustus challenged. “’ You forget yourself, my dear. A wife walks behind  her husband.’ I said that to you not even an hour after we were married. I cannot tell you how many times my father said exactly those words to my mother and my stepmother. I cringed every single time I heard it. I cringed twice as hard when those very words came out my own mouth. That moment I wanted to kick my own ass!”

“But Faustus, that was the curse  talking,  not you.” Zelda reminded him. 

“Curse? What curse?!”

Zelda’s eyes widened and put her hand over her mouth as the realization dawned on her.  “You don’t know, do you? Faustus do you what an insaniam maledictum spell is?”

Faustus didn’t need to think about it. “An insanity curse?  What’s that got to do with me?”

Everything! Zelda wanted to yell but instead, she said, “It’s getting cold. Let’s get dressed, there’s much to talk about.”

So the couple got dressed and sat side by side on Faustus’s cot.  That’s when Zelda told him everything. How Lucifer asked her to be Lilith’s midwife, how her payment was learning how Edward’s cursed their marriage, how she found his journals, the memory spell, how she confronted Edward and finally how she divided him from the curse.

Faustus, understandingly, was shocked for several moments before he spoke. “Do you mean even 16 years after his death, Edward was still trying to keep us apart?”

Zelda frowned but nodded.

“Why that little control freak! How dare he-“ Faustus stopped himself as he hung his head and his shoulders began to shake with heavy sobs. “For 15 long years, I  heard my voice use words I didn’t want to say and saw my body do things I didn’t want to do! I thought it  was my dark side was taking over completely but I never heard of such a thing!”

A  shiver ran down Zelda’s spine.  “You knew?” She whispered. “You knew but you couldn’t stop it.”

“Mostly. I  was only able to overpower his will when he tried to hit the twins and when he tried to murder you.”

“Faustus, from what I’m hearing,  you  were trapped in a curse that works like a cargarli spell.”

Faustus froze before he stood up and walked a few feet to distance himself from his wife.  “Oh heaven, the cargarli spell! How could I do that to you? I’m so, so sorry Zelda!”

She went to him. “It’s alright, Faustus. You were not responsible for anything you did under the curse. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”

“What? Zelda, what on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“I remember thinking  after our wedding that it couldn’t be you but I let my anger and hurt cloud  my judgment.” She put her arms around his neck. “Plus, I’m sorry it took  me so long to realize that I love you.”

Faustus looked pained. “Zelda, I love you so much but we both know you don’t love me.”

Zelda felt like she had been punched in the gut. “But I do love you, Faustus, truly I do.”

He sighed. “Zelda, you yourself told me that you realized your feeling after reading my journals and performed the memory spell, I think those feelings are just pity.”

“No, Faustus, you’re wrong. Yes, I felt bad for the boy you were but I also realized how much I missed you. I lost count of how many times I want to inferred during the memory spell. I’m in love with you, Faustus and if takes me another 300 years to convince you of that, so  be it!”  She could see that he wasn’t convinced so she tried again. “You were right all along, Faustus, we do belong together. Think of all we’ve through already. Edward denies us permission to marry so you vow never take a wife. Edward tricks you into marriage with Constance,  but it doesn’t kill our feelings for each other or even slow them down. We finally marry and we defeat this insanity curse.  I’ve only forgotten my berries once in my life, barely a month after our marriage and that’s the very night I conceive our child. It all means something Faustus.”

He bit his lip. “Are you sure the curse is gone? I mean, just  because it’s not  in my body anymore doesn’t  mean it didn’t creep into other things.”

“Like what?”

Faustus sighed. “Like the baby. You just said you conceived 1 month after our marriage.  When the curse was on me. So did you even think the baby was fathered by the curse, not by me?”

“I did think of that, actually,” Zelda said. “Then I thought about how before every time we made love as husband and wife, your eyes would grow soft or you would get a nosebleed. I  didn’t know it then but it was you breaking through. Even if you knew it or not, you never let the curse touch me that way and when I realized that, I loved you even more. Secondly, it’s a curse.  We have to stop thinking of it as a real person. It may be wearing your skin and speak with your  voice but it’s only a spell, a parasite we will be well rid of.”

Faustus lowered his eyes. “How can you be so sure that I’m not the curse? You told me yourself that the light was too bright to see when we separated. What if you brought home  the  wrong Blackwood?”

Zelda shook her head. “You’re the real Faustus. I know it  and I can prove it!” Zelda poked around in some drawers and took out something, held it in her hand and went back to Faustus. “One of the things the curse wanted most is to end the Spellman bloodline. We both know I have Spellman blood. So if you are the curse,” Zelda pressed the knife into his hand and even guided his hand up to her throat. “Kill me.”

They silently eyed each other as Zelda let go of the knife and Faustus did nothing either way. Unafraid, Zelda leaned slightly, just enough so the knife bit into her skin and produced a single drop of blood. Faustus’s lip quivered before he threw down the knife and hugged Zelda to him with all his might.

Zelda kissed his cheek before whispering,  “See, darling? You’re not the curse or your father or Edward. You’re you. Faustus. My husband, the father of my unborn baby and the man I love.” Her comments only made him squeezed her tighter.

  Zelda was still holding Faustus when she looked up and saw a cardboard box. It felt oddly out of place because Zelda knew they didn’t keep deliveries down here. She was right; for this was the box Ambrose brought Faustus this morning.

“What  is that?” Zelda asked. Faustus turned, saw it  and moaned.

Faustus, you idiot! He thought. He saw Zelda go over to it but he held her back before she could open it. “No, no, no! I’m sorry Zelda, I meant to burn the contents of that  box before..” Faustus’s voice died out.

“Well, what’s in it?”

Faustus sighed and hung his head. “All your things from when you were Lady  Blackwood. As I said, I meant to burn everything before you got home but then Mambo Marie showed up and I got sidetracked and forgot. You were never supposed to see them again.”

Zelda was touched. Faustus felt so much shame and guilt that he refused to leave the lowest point of the house for weeks and would have killed himself if Zelda hadn’t stopped him. Yet,  somehow, he still had the presence of mind to want to destroy what he knew had been harmful to her. “Well, I’m here now so how about we burn these things together?” She suggested.

Faustus shook his head sadly. “Can’t. I looked all around the house but the only fireplace large  to do this in the living room.”

“So? Let’s go.”

“No!” He objected. “I don’t want to ruin the memory of where we had the most perfect kiss of my life.”

Zelda flashed him a smile. “Faustus, my darling, we have a million kisses ahead of us, possibly in every room in this house.” To prove her point, Zelda kissed him right there.

So, with Faustus carrying the box, they made their way to the living room. The box mainly contained those big, bright, colorful  50’s style dresses Zelda wore as Lady Blackwood. Faustus would just roll them up and toss them into the fire but he couldn’t help but notice that Zelda liked to rip up the dresses before feeding them to the fire. Then, at the very bottom of the box, they found it. The music box.

“I’ll take care of it,” Faustus offered.

“No, I’m okay.” Zelda reached into the box and put the music box on the coffee table and checked the drawers for a picture of herself, just in case. Then Zelda looked up at her husband. “Play it.”

Faustus’s eyes bugged out. “What?! No! I don’t want to!”

“Darling, it’s alright. I asked you to. Play the music.”

Unsure and with a deep sigh,  Faustus winded up the music box. The tune started to play and then Zelda smashed it all to bits with a poker iron. Faustus smiled and joined it with another poker. Then he helped pick up the wooden pieces and threw them into the fire before gathering his wife into his arms. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You look so much better in black anyway.”

“You weren’t  thinking anything, the  curse was.” Zelda reminded him.

  Despite now knowing about the curse, Faustus still had massive feelings of guilt and shame. He still refused to live anywhere but the morgue, but something had changed. For the next 11 nights, Zelda, without fail, would slip into the cot next to Faustus and stay with him all night. On  9 of those 11 nights, they made love.  Faustus had almost forgotten how Zelda’s sexual drive matched so perfectly with his own. On 7 of the nights, Faustus would awaken in a cold swear frightened by harsh nightmares and cruel memories. Sometimes, it took all of Zelda’s soft words and her soft hands to soothed and lull him back to sleep. Despite his promise to her never to try to commit suicide again, Zelda made sure there was at least 1 other person in the house with Faustus at all times since Zelda’s duties during the day were many and growing as this season would be her 1st feast of feast as high priestess. To curb his depression, the other Spellmans tried to interact with him more. Ambrose bought down piles and piles of books and remembered how much he liked to talk about magic and life with the older, more experienced warlock. Sabrina and Faustus struck a deal, to forget their ugly past and try to start anew.  Hilda often went to Faustus for help with schoolwork corrections and advice for the 1st time teacher from the man who had done it for centuries.

 On the 12th night, Zelda came downstairs with a piece of pumpkin pie. “Faustus, I  bought you something.”

Her husband looked up from the book he was reading. “It’s nearly 10,  you’re almost never this late.”

“Oh, Faustus. You see what happens when you live in a morgue. The days’ blends into each other. Today  was Feast of Feast.”

“Yes, and as if it wasn’t chaotic enough with  this being my 1st as high priestess, Hilda was chosen  as queen during the lottery.”

“Zelda, I’m so  sorry.” Faustus frowned.

However, Zelda smiled. “Don’t be, Hilda’s fine.”

“But you just said your sister was the queen of the  feast.”

Zelda nodded.   “I did, but as high priestess you know, it’s my right to change the rules which I did. Now the queen and the handmaiden prepares the meal rather than be the meal.  Then the coven sups together before hearing mass in Freyda’s name. I remember when the elders of the coven  would become enraged when Edward would outlaw things and replace it  with nothing.”

“So do I.  That’s why I put most of them back.”

“But with  my slight  changes, I made most of the coven happy plus we get to enjoy  the queen’s famous pie.” She handed him the pie and sat down next to him. “Blessed feast.”

Faustus kissed her. “Blessed feast, dearest.”

 “Father Blackwood,  I need a favor.”

“Hilda, if I have told you once if I have told you a 100  times, I’m no longer a high priest, it’s okay for you to call me Faustus.”

It was the following afternoon and Hilda rushed into the morgue.

“Okay, well, Fath-um, Faustus, I find myself in a bit of a jam. Zelda just called and with Mambo Marie leaving us in the lurch, there’s nobody to teach the next class but me. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem but today is Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year for mortals and I already promised Dr. C that I  would help at the bookshop.”

Faustus frowned. “Normally, I would love to help you out but Zelda knows I just can’t look at those students after what  I’ve done. Zelda talks about telling them the truth about  me being here at one point and then try to slowly ease me  back into the coven but I  just don’t see it happening.”

Hilda bit her lip. “I know you don’t want to be seen at the academy and totally understand why. So, um, I was actually asking you if you might go lend Dr. C a hand.”

Faustus’s jaw hit the floor. “Go work at a mortal bookstore, me?  Certainly not! I wouldn’t know what to do. Besides, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I’m under house arrest.”

“Are you?” Questioned Hilda. “Zelda had told me about you trying your powers to make sure they’re gone but you’ve been here nearly a month now  and you’ve rarely left this room, let alone this house. Plus you made that deal with the dark lord that no one serves anymore. It may not be valid. Please, just try, I’m desperate!”

“How?”

Hilda thought for a moment. “Well, when Ambrose was housebound, he couldn’t go past the driveway. We could try that.”

So, they did and  Faustus crossed the Spellman driveway and into the public street with ease.

“I don’t get it,” Faustus said, puzzled. “Why would the dark lord take my power but let me roam free?”

“Maybe he forgot,” Hilda offered. “Anyway, I’ll go call Dr. C and tell him you’re on your way!” She was gone before Faustus could remind her that he hadn’t officially agreed to do anything.

 The walk into town took 20 minutes. Despite everything, even Faustus had to admit that the fresh air and the change of scenery did him a  world of good. What did Hilda say? That it was the biggest shopping day of the year for mortals? Boy, she wasn’t kidding! From the moment he arrived, the place was packed! Apparently, it was a teenage hangout as well as a bookstore. Somehow, Faustus made his way to the check-out counter where Dr. C, who was expecting him, greeted him and gave him a vampire cape to wear. Despite the cape, despite the mortals,  Faustus actually had a pleasant afternoon. It was a very nice afternoon.  It was nice to be busy and have something to do other than just dwell on his own guilt and sadness. Secondly,  Faustus learned the ropes of working retail fairly quickly. Thirdly and perhaps most surprisingly of all, despite the fact that they only met that day, Dr. C and Faustus had an almost instant connection. They say that opposites attract in love but maybe it’s true in friendship as well. The shop was so busy that it was 6:30 that evening before the men could stop to eat.

“Thank you,” Faustus said as he reached for the mug of coffee.

Dr. C smiled. “I’m delighted to meet you,  Faustus. I have heard a lot about you.”

“Not all good, I bet,” Faustus muttered.

Dr. C ignored that comment. “I have a question for you, actually. When Hilda’s brother married a mortal, they got major hassle but it wasn’t a big deal when  Hilda and I got engaged. I’m not complaining or anything just wondering why.”

Faustus raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you an incubus? That’s what Zelda told me.”

“Yeah. I mean, I am now but I  was born mortal. The demon stuff didn’t happen until college.”

“Doesn’t matter. The demon is a part of you and abled you to marry a full-blooded witch, like Hilda. Consider it a marriage loophole.”

Both men heard the chime of the bell above the door which meant more customers.

Dr. C  stood up. “I’ll go. Can you clean up?”

Faustus nodded and  cleaned up until he heard “Come on, old man, give us the money!” Faustus sneaked up to the storefront to see that Dr. C was being robbed at gunpoint.

Damn! Faustus didn’t know what to do. He no longer had magic to save him so  Faustus looked around and smiled.

Meanwhile, Dr. C was in trouble. “Let’s go, old man!” Ordered Punk #1. “This money  better be more real than your attempt to look like a vampire.”

Punks #2 & 3 laughed. “Good one, man,” Punk #2 said. “A fake vampire.”

“You’re right, he is a fake vampire,” Faustus came from the backroom, his hands behind his back. “Unluckily for  you 3, I am a real warlock.”

Punk #3 was in awe. “Cool! So you conquer lands and stuff?”

Faustus sighed.  “No, you idiots, not a warlord. A warlock, a male witch.”

“Right,” sneered Punk #1. “He’s a vampire and now you’re a witch. So,  what are you going to do? Hocus pocus us to death?”

“No. That term is utterly useless. Besides, everyone knows that the really strong spells are in Latin. Like”  Faustus shrugged and spoke some Latin words.

The punks sloppily repeated the words  back then asked, “What does that mean?”

“A  big, honking baseball bat!” Then, and only then did Faustus produce the Louisville slugger from behind his back. He chased the punks around the shop and finally,  out the door. He was so pumped up that he barely heard the gunshot. A moment later, Faustus came back in, the bat resting on his shoulder and he was laughing. “Well, we showed them didn’t we?” Silence. “Dr. C?”

 Zelda and Hilda ran into the ER entrance of the hospital.

“My fiancée has been shot! Where is he?” Hilda demanded of the woman at the nurse’s station. They got the room number and rushed to where Dr. C was with a doctor.

Hilda rushed to him with a hug and kiss. “Oh, love, are you okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” the doctor answered, “It’s just a flesh wound.”

“So, what happened?” Zelda asked, in a tone calmer than her sister.

“I was robbed,” Dr. C explained, “ladies, Faustus was amazing. He distracted the robbers long enough to activate the silent alarm, he chased them off with a bat. One must have gotten scared for the gun went off and glazed my shoulder. When I came back around, I was in the ambulance and Faustus was right there with me. The paramedic told me that Faustus applied pressure to the bleeding and saved my life.”

Hilda closed her eyes and sighed. “Thank Hecate, he was there.”

“Where’s my husband now?” asked Zelda.

“I don’t know.  He was here a second ago.”

In the next room, Faustus looked up at the silvery half-moon. “Hecate, mother, let him be alright. For  he feels one-tenth for Hilda what I feel for Zelda, they’ll be very happy together.”

“You’re praying to Hecate.” Faustus barely saw Zelda in the doorway before his wife was in his arms and kissing him deeply. “What was that for?”

“Are  you kidding?” She replied. “You saved Dr. Cereberus.”

“Saved him? I got him  shot.”

“Don’t be daft,” Zelda dismissed. “You saved him and without having magic, you were in just as much in danger as he was but you didn’t even think of that, did you? That’s what made you a hero tonight.”

“I don’t want to be a hero! I want to be perfect! For only a perfect man could ever be worthy of you.”

She kissed him again. “I love you so much, Faustus even if you are talking nonsense.”

 Hilda stayed overnight at the hospital so Zelda and Faustus took a cab home. Faustus immediately headed for the morgue but Zelda stopped him.

“No, I have a surprise for you and it’s upstairs.” 

So they went upstairs with Zelda explaining she had already planned to give him the surprise tonight but now he truly earned it. Zelda opened a door that led to a cozy bedroom with a double bed and an attached bathroom suite.

Zelda smiled. “Welcome home.”

“This is a whole new room. When did you do this?”

“I started the night after we first made love.”

His eyes bugged out. “You made a whole new bedroom and bathroom in just 11 days?!”

“Darling, some of us still have our magic.”

“Dearest, this is superb.  But I can’t stay here. I don’t deserve  such comfort.”

“Then, do it for me,” Zelda suggested. “I refuse to sleep apart from my husband but my back is crying out in protest at the thought of another night on that cot. Speaking of my increasingly pregnant body, I need to get off my feet. Care to help  me christen our new bed?”  It was only then that Faustus returned her smile.

Hours later, after they had made love and fallen asleep in each other’s arms, Faustus awoke in a cold sweat and a sharp intake of breath. “Damn these nightmares! Will they ever go away.”

“It’s alright, my love. There is no quick fix spell for trauma and you’ve been living with that  curse for some time now.”  Zelda snuggled closer and laced her fingers with his. “The good news is that we have all the time in the world.”

#chilling adventures of sabrina #caoz #ch 5 #part 4 my way #fanfic #spellwood #zelda spellman #faustus blackwood #hilda spellman #dr. cerberus #sabrina spellman #ambrose spellman #prudence night

[swinterr]

Valerie IV

Valerie has been gone for 3 days and her family and Anwar are worrying.

They think that Valerie run away for some reason. But the truth is that Valerie is just chilling on her beach house without a care in the world.

Anwar was woken up by Yolanda, her mom, knocking in his room door continuously.

“Anwar! Anwar!” Yolanda continues to yell behind the door

Anwar groans and use a pillow to cover his ears to avoid his mother’s voice intruding him in his deep slumber.

“Anwar! Valerie is missing! Get the fuck up!”

That’s the time when Anwar start calling everybody.

He called his sisters, then Bella and Gigi starts calling everybody who knows Valerie.

Anwar even called Shawn.

Shawn is sitting on the couch inside his tour bus, strumming his guitar. Beside him is Connor and Brian playing Xbox.

As Shawn changes the position of his fingers his phone rings off.

Incoming call: Hailey Baldwin

Huh? that’s weird, they never really talked after their pr. Why she calling me? Shawn though

“Uh hello? Is this Shawn Mendes?” her soft voice fills the air, but not as soft as Valerie’s.

Shawn holds his guitar on his lap as his other hand holds the phone.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Bella called, Bella Hadid oh and Gigi called. You know them right?” the connection is a little weak so shawn’s having a hard time understanding plus the guys are are basically screaming at each other right now.

“Uh yeah. Wait a second.” Shawn mumbled as he sets his guitar down the couch, he prepares himself to scream at the guys.

He covers the speaker and shout. “Dude! Shut the fuck up!”

“Are you okay?” Hailey laughs as she hears guys complaining in the background.

“Anyways Valerie’s missing. The girls asked me to ask you if you know where she is.”

Shawn can feel the guys looking at him, he felt his world stopped spinning.

Anyway Shawn started calling everyone he knew who has connections with Valerie.

Basically that day was so stressful that even Andrew had to call Valerie’s parents to asked what’s happening.

-

Meanwhile Valerie had the best three days of her life.

She literally made the best decision of buying the house, although it’s expensive as heck.

Her house has a rooftop, with an helicopter parking in it. All she has to buy now is the actual helicopter. All that she can say is that her house is a dream. A gym, a pool, a library, a game room, a cinema room. Everything, she even have her own bar where she store her alcoholic drinks she stole from her dad.

On the first day she just watched movies on her laptop, ate fruits, went to the gym did some yoga. And on the afternoon she went sunbathing on the rooftop, she drove a boat and went fishing— in which she ate what she caught for dinner.

The second day is a chill day, she went to the gym at the morning and yoga at night. She spent almost her day sitting in the massage chair she brought. That’s all.

The third day— her last day she went jogging on the highway which is still her property, she thought that she the road is a little bit dark and sad. So she thought the next day when she will come back to Bel Air she will order bunch of lamp post, trees— specifically palm trees and other plants also, she will hire people to take care of her house at the same time will plant and will take care of her trees and plants.

Valerie now is packing her things, just her bag. She already did her laundry and decided to leave her clothes there in case if she come backs or something.

Valerie loaded her things on her car and zoomed off.

Before she goes she checked if she locked all the doors and the gates.

The car ride is interesting, she saw some paps on her way to Bel Air. Hoping that can glimpse at her and their family mansion which they kept private.

-

Its been a week since Valerie returned home from her mini vacation in Malibu.

Valerie and her dad hade some “serious talk” about what’s happening with her these past few days.

Eventually her dad, Virgo, figured out that her daughter and Shawn broke up.

Plus he said that ever since that dinner back in Toronto Valerie has been acting off and mostly sad. Virgo is worried about his angel’s mental health he says he missed the old Valerie, thus he ask Valerie to seek the help of a therapist which Valerie agreed too.

Her dad’s friend, Léon, also her godfather died because of depression. Although her case isn’t that deep. Virgo wanted her to be safe, also for him mental health is more important than physical health.

Few weeks later Shawn is in Oakland. Valerie had literally 4 sessions every week and after every session she does photoshoot and video campaigns for different brands.

Those sessions really helped him in forgetting their shared memories slowly.

That went pretty well. Today Valerie is getting ready for the ribbon cutting in Los Angeles for their hotel.

“You know what Val, I think you should quit studying and become a model.” Kayla, her make up artist slash hairstylist said as she blend Valerie’s blush out.

Her makeup is simple, glowy and natural except for her lips. Her team insisted that she should do a dark redish purple lip.

“Yeah you literally look like a Victoria’s Secret model.” Adrian, her stylists agrees.

Valerie’s looking beautiful as ever.

Adrian is currently zipping up Valerie’s dress while Kayla is touching up Val’s make up.

Valerie is rockin a black strapless beaded gown from Naeem Khan and a black and a black platform sandals from Malone Souliers.

Valerie is basically a model now, so she gotta serve looks, she gotta look stunning in every angle.

They are in Bel Air, in Valerie’s parents house.

“I don’t know I mean I would do it but I love learning.” Valerie shrugs.

“And besides, I’m not confident enough for that.”

“Girls?” a knock on the door interrupt them

They all stop what they’re doing and looked at the door.

“The car is waiting.”

-

“I’m so glad you guys made it!” Vernon greeted Brian and Connor.

Connor and Brian walked inside the hotel, with the maids giving them juice because Connor is still underage. Connor eyes widen when he saw the interior of the Valentin’s newly opened hotel while Brian just smirked.

“Hi I’m Vernon, I’m Val’s older brother.” Vernon approach the two while carrying baby Laslo in his right toned arm.

“Vernon! I brought my friend here, his name is Connor.” Brian introduced Connor to Vernon.

Vernon and Brian knew each other. They met last year at Valerie’s Birthday.

“Ahhh Connor, Shawn Mendes’ videographer?” Vernon shook Connor’s hands, he knew Connor through Val, she mention that he studies in UCLA just like him but he graduated already.

Laslo squirmed in his dad arms and extending his arm towards Brian. Wanting to be carried by him so Brian carried him, Brian extended his arms and carried Laslo.

Connor and Brian bodies stiffen when he mention Shawn, as a friend of Shawn of course they are embarrassed by his action.

“Where’s the kid?” Connor didn’t knew what to do so he looked at Brian, Brian eyes widen, he didn’t know where even Shawn is.

“Uhhh I don’t really know, he’s working on s project.” Brian awkwardly laugh.

“He better be, I’m gon—” Brian and Connor are mentally thanking Milo for cutting of his dad for saying something.

“Hi! I’m Laslo, I got my tooth of yesterday. The tooth fairy gave my $50.” Laslo proudly shows his missing bottom tooth to Connor.

Connor is about to answer when Viviane walked towards them.

Connor knew Valerie has two sibling. Valerie is hella attractive but he didn’t knew that even her siblings are attractive too. They look like greek gods and goddesses.

“Vernon dad’s looking for you.” Viviane look stunning, she looked like a model. She approached the group and once again Laslo is squirming in Brian’s arms, he wants Viviane to carry him.

“Brian! Nice to see you again.” Viviane smiled and hug Brian.

“Hi I’m Viviane Valentin, Valerie older sister. Nice to meet you.” Viviane hugged Connor.

“Go to the 23rd floor, Valerie’s waiting for you there.”

Viviane and Vernon walked to their parent but Vernon stopped and looked at them and said. “Tell Shawn he better be careful. Valerie is to precious to be cheated on.”

Connor eyes is practically shaking. Valerie and Viviane share the same personality with their Mom, except Valerie is more softer and Vernon and His Dad share the same personality except Vernon is more harsh and tougher like but he look soft.

“I’m literally dying when Val brother asked Shawn.” Chugged his juice down, his throat feels dry after their encounter with the Valentin’s.

The two are finally alone and can finally talk openly.

“I know! My armpits are sweating” Brian fanned his armpits.

“Dude, Valerie’s sibling are attractive! Have you seen her sister, her sister’s hot. Also I never knew Val was this rich!” Connor runs his finger through his hair.

“The first time I met her was when she was staying at her aunt’s house because I thought they don’t have no house but they are renovating their fucking mansion!” Valerie stayed at her aunt Veronica when their mansion is renovated, that’s when she met Shawn, Aunt Veronica’s house is directly to the Mendes’ Household and Brian’s house is just around the block.

“Dude Harvard is fee is around like $44,000 she rich rich!”

While the two are on their way to their designated floor they kept on talking about Val’s family wealth. Brian mostly keeps on talking to be honest because he known Val for years. He told Connor about them having private jets, mansion and other stuff that mostly billionaires can afford.

When Connor and Brian entered Valerie’s room they saw her crying on the bed with her laptop on.

“Valerie I miss youu but why are you crying?” the two lads run up to Valerie’s bed and hug her.

“I just got a modeling gig!” Valerie cried, Valerie has always been the sensitive type. When she’s hurt or happy she always cried. Shawn always calls her cry baby when they were younger until now.

“Really? That’s good but why do you need to cry?” Connor is confused.

Valerie models when it’s summer. She rarely do gigs when uni is starting.

“Yeah you should be proud!” Brian added.

“I know but it’s too much, I don’t think I can do it.”

“What brands are they anyway.”

“Um, Gucci, Burberry, YSL and Maybelline, Adidas, Calvin Klein, Moschino, Stuart Weitzman and also oh my god Chanel contacted me!”

“What!! 9 brands that’s crazy!” Connor started jumping and so does Brian.

-

Taglist:

@night-girls-world

@alinashawn

@feliciaceciliamariajacobsson

@clarissahunter

heyy i haven’t updated for a while hehehe. you guys still read this? if you do i love you, a lot has happened this past few months hehe

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fluff #angst #shawn mendes angst #fluff #valerie #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb

[da2sava]

Rhapsody of a Broken Heart

Anticipation | Episode 1

Featuring:

𝟏 | 𝐊𝐢𝐚

𝟑 | 𝐇𝐞𝐬𝐬

𝟑𝟗 | 𝐋𝐢𝐫𝐚

~1600 words & ~7 mins of reading 

────────────────────────────

11 pm

Kia finally finished her painting of her mother, who fell asleep during posing, after long hours of working without taking a single break. She puts her brushes away and gets up to wake her mom up. She gets off the puffy chair she was sitting on and approaches her, reaching her hand out to wake her up. Lira eventually wakes up after a short while of being gently shaken.

“Mom I’m done, come look” Kia sounds somewhat tired while saying that. Her mom agrees. Kia helps her to get up and then Lira takes a look at the painting her daughter made.

“Whoa!” Lira didn’t expect to see such a well-made painting of her, it put a massive smile on her. Kia ended up receiving tons of compliments which made her feel confident about her teachers liking it too. Which after Kia went to clean up and let the paint dry. Once she was done, she was told to go rest, she did. Before her door was shut, her mom came in.

“Hey, Kia.” “...Yeah?” Kia asks while yawning. “I have a flight in 3 hours so I’ll get ready to leave. You will be alone for the weekend. Goodnight.” After this, Lira closes the door to Kia’s room. Kia spends most of the night dreaming about meeting her cousin for the first time in her life. The reason why they never met was that her aunt lives in UK but Kia in the US.

. . .

9 am

Kia wakes up, wakes up remembering about all the homework she has to do. It is surprisingly quiet it is at their place. Their neighbors usually sang karaoke at this time or clean up. She decides to use the situation to focus on her studies.

.

She calls her boy, Hess, over so he’d help her with things she doesn’t understand. He agrees to come over, Kia gets really happy but remembers that she has to study, not fool around with him.

Hess – Kia’s neighbor, best friend, and a boyfriend. Though, considering how long they’ve known each other for, you almost could call them siblings.

.

He comes right when Kia was making breakfast. She asks if he’d like to eat with her, he agrees. They chat while having a nice and tasty breakfast. Hess tells her about things that are getting worse between him and his family, he feels way better at her place because of how peaceful it is here, comparing to where he lives. Kia could never understand why his parents don’t like him, comparing to his little brother. She considered Hess a really kind, warm, and a clever person, not like his younger bro, who is still really young. They end up talking about Hess’s family for a long time and at one moment Kia remembers about her homework again and asks if he could help.

“Oh?...Yeah, of course. Is there a lot?” he asks. “I’m not sure, I’ll go check,” Kia responds, walking out of the kitchen.

Hess took care of the dishes while Kia was gone. After a while she returned with a bunch of books and placed them all on the sofa in the living room. She notices that there are no plates on the table and looks at Hess

“Did you wash the plates?” “I did.” He replies “Aww! You didn’t have to!” She chuckles “That’s a habit.” He says while approaching Kia, he notices the pile of books “Do you expect me to help you with everything?” “That would be nice if you did, you’re good at explaining.” “I am?” he seems to be slightly surprised “You really are! Don’t I tell you that all the time?” she grins He slightly blushes “I- Thank you..” That sounded somewhat shy Hess sits next to Kia and they begin working together.

.

After 2 hours they finish with the first subject out of 4. Kia gets up and stretches, she looks out of the window.

“Maybe we should take a walk?” she asks, turning to Hess “Is it warm outside?” “A little breezy but we can if you want to.” He replies “Get up. We’re going on a walk then.” Hess nods and gets up. He waits for Kia to quickly change into something she could go on a walk in. Soon after, Kia returns. They make sure to lock all the windows and the door of course.

. It was really peaceful and warm outside. One of the warmest days in the entire spring. Kia persuaded Hess to hold hands with her while walking. It doesn’t seem like he’s not enjoying it and he’s not even trying to hide that. They both seem to be happy to be together.

They speak about school some more. Hess will graduate soon and Kia graduates in a year. "So..you never told me what you will do after you're out?" She asks him. "Medical School." “Won't it take too long to study in a medical school?” “It will but I believe that it’s worth it.” He began telling her about his dream job being a doctor. He didn’t expect her to be interested but she was. It felt as if nobody had ever cared more about his dreams than Kia. It’s sad to know that there are people who keep everything to themselves. Luckily, Hess has Kia, who seems to be ready to listen to anything he’d say.

Suddenly, rain starts. It doesn’t ruin the mood these two were in, though the break was ruined. They went into a café and ended up studying here cuz Hess got a few books with himself... After the rain has stopped, they quickly went back into Kia’s place and continued to study.

.

11 pm

Kia and Hess spent their entire day studying and chatting. They agreed to have a sleepover. Hess fell asleep on Kia’s bed while she was making a sketch of him.

Once she was done, she noticed him sleeping. She lies down next to him and snuggles into him. Quickly after, she fell asleep without waking him up.

.

4 am.

Hess randomly woke up and saw Kia be slightly hugging him. That kind of made him blush. He isn't used to affection so it felt nice. He tried coving them both with a blanket, though his attempt was unsuccessful cuz he was afraid of waking up his sweetie. Instead, he pulled her closer, which, luckily, didn't wake her up. He managed to fall asleep.

At around 7 am they both were woken up by a call on someone's phone. It was Hess's mother calling. He didn't want to pick up and turned the sound off, going back to sleep, since they both were still really sleepy.

Z Z Z

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Kia shakes Hess while telling him that. He gr0An "nn..what time is it..?" "1 pm already." She replies. "..what? ..oh..when did I even fell asleep?" "At around 11." He was still really sleepy but hearing that he've slept for this long surprised him. Kia gave him some time to properly wake up and waits for him in the living room. Hess comes after a few mins. He looks like a mess. "I'll take a shower." "Of course. Don't forget to take your clothes off." "I- pff- why wouldn't I?" "Last time you didn't." She giggles "Wait, really? I don't remembe- OH. Right. ahah." It kind of lightened him up. He peaced out into the bathroom... After a while he's out. Kia seems to be talking with someone over the phone. ....Hess' phone. He watches her do that. Seems like she's talking to his mom....or no? She's always so nice to everyone that its hard to say who exactly she's speaking to.

He goes to sit next to Kia. Right when she ends the call. "Morning!" She happily greets him. "More like 'good afternoon'. Who were you talking to?" "My mom" "..On my phone?" "Eh?" She looks at the phone she's holding. She gets up and goes into her bedroom. She walks out with a phone just the same as his. "Seems like we are phone mates," she says "..aw." his expression went <:) Its fun to have something that matches. Kia hands him his phone. He checks it and sees 3 missed calls from his mother. Kia notices it. "Not going to call back?" "I don't want to.." seems like he's just fed up with his parents to the point where he doesn't even want to listen to their voices.

She sits next to him. "Hey" He looks at her "yeah?" "I'll get a sibling soon." He's silent for a moment He's confused "..What? Is your mom going to give b-" "no---" Kia interrupts him. "What then? Adopting? And by the way...where's your mom?" "She's in the UK. She will bring my cousin tomorrow." "Ohh... I get it. So you will live with your cousin from now on?" "I think so?" "Why though? Did something happen to your cousins parents?" "I have no idea and hopefully didn't."

.

The day passed quickly. Kia spent most of her day telling Hess what she would love to do with her cousin and simply dreaming about her. Thought when the evening came, he said that he couldn't stay here any longer. It made K a little upset but she was glad that they spent so much time together.

.

Night. Kia is peacefully sleeping and having a nice dream about her meeting her cousin. She's not even sure if its a girl or a boy! And how old they are..or anything about them at all. Though, she thinks that her cousin must be younger since Lira, her mom, has a younger sis. At one moment her dream gets really realistic. As if someone us actually hugging her. Feels good.

────────────────────────────

Thank you so much if you gave this ep a shot! It may seem to be a little boring in the beginning, but I swear that it will get more enjoyable in the future! :)

Tiny spoiler for the ones that will stay: no, the story wont be about these two. There will be a big amount of main/side characters and not all of it will be all so wholesome (;

#originalstory #rbh #rhapsody of a broken heart #wheeze #ididit #yay #stay #novel #wholesome #art #dont mind the tags

[villlaneve]

Life Update (I need help)

Hey, everyone. I’m sorry I haven’t really been active on here for quite a while. I want to explain myself. Just making this post has taken me lots of time and courage to get myself to do it but here I am.I feel hesitant to share this, as I don’t want this to seem like a pity party and feel like I should have higher standards for myself and should be able to do this on my own. My therapist and others have told me to be kinder to myself and cut me some slack once in a while so here I am.

I felt guilty reblogging posts on Tumblr after not having the energy to do so in a while and I wasn’t caught up with the shows so I punished myself by saying I shouldn’t be able to reblog anything. I will try to stop this way of thinking and am happy to go back to my usual reblogging after this!

What’s the problem?

I’ve been suicidal and struggling with depression since I was 16. I am 23 now and feel like I haven’t really accomplished all that much even though my therapist tells me that fighting for mental health and the way I am doing it is progress as well. I can’t really work up any energy to get up out of bed everyday and when I do I feel empty and can’t get myself to do things I enjoy. I can’t remember the last time I was able to read a book. My attention span and concentration is basically non existent so I cannot even watch the few things I can’t get excited about. TV shows such as Killing Eve, Supergirl and other female centric shows are the few things I DO get excited over and can find the energy to enjoy. I follow the posts on tumblr about Supergirl but the last time I watched an episode was about 6 months ago so sometimes not even that excitement makes me able to focus and watch what I love. Focusing on anything feels nearly impossible.

You can imagine that applying this to every day situations it gets even worse. I’ve lost my job around October and have so much anxiety and fear about applying somewhere else. Trying to get into new hobbies that could motivate me to do anything like photography or making videos on youtube is impossible without the money and right equipment. I grew up and still live in a household where if something I do isn’t perfect then it’s bad and doesn’t matter at all. I apply it to every action I take and am trying to actively unlearn it but so far it isn’t working. When a task or opportunity appears all I think about is the possibility of failing and not being good enough so I end up scared and freezing up. I do nothing. I can’t apply for a job or a university/apprenticeship because of that fear and have been stuck in the past few years of my life.

Why don’t you get a job/degree?

I want to address my university education. University in Germany is quite different than in the US. You choose a major once you start university and that’s what you’re stuck with. I got scared after already taking a gap year right after high school and started studying something that ultimately I realized was not right for me. I convinced myself that I should just finish it and work hard and that it could be right for me. otherwise I would be a failure once again. I froze up and stayed in this path. Except eventually I stopped going to classes all together and became more and more depressed and desperate as I did not know what to do next. I don’t know who to ask for help and am scared to do it to begin with.

I finally worked up the courage to apply to a different major earlier this year. That opportunity fell through/I did not get the spot and now I am back to not knowing what to do. Starting another path and applying for spots even if I decide what to do is going to lead me to more freezing up and thus more complications. On top of all this there is another factor that’s weighing on me.

I am in a long distance relationship and have been since I was 18. This relationship gives me a lot of strength to go on and try fighting but at the same time it is another pressure and weight on top of everything. As my girlfriend lives in the US and her plan is for me to move there, originally I was supposed to be finished with my degree at this point. 

Now I am still basically at 0 and cannot move to the US in the foreseeable future. I’ll have to finish a degree here for 3-4 years, find a way to see if my career path is even transferrable to the US. Speech therapy is an apprenticeship here; a german system that includes school and work experience at the same time and lets you start a career after finishing it; its an alternative to a university degree in a way. I feel like the pressure of tests, writing papers and failing at a university is too much for me too handle with my mental health anyway and the only universities that offer speech therapy as a university  degree are private and cost money that I cannot afford!

We try to make things work and see eachother as often as possible but financially making a transatlantic flight work and having to pay for food, transportations etc everytime I am visiting her 1-2 times a year is getting way too much for me to pay for. Especially now that I do not have a job. Only having to do this for another year or two would have been fine but now it will be another few years before we can even think about me going there. Safe to say this is a hard situation and is putting a big strain on our relationship, financially and emotionally on both sides. Having to spend so many more years apart and not knowing how to afford to see eachother. My mental health is blocking me from finding a job to start alleviating the financial side of this at least and I am frozen in panic and fear.

Why don’t you get help? You can go to a hospital or clinic to treat this

I would like to add that on top of all this most of the friends I did have here are on a semester abroad or have moved out of the country all together. Despite that I am glad to have my family and the 1-2 people I see about once a month to give me comfort. It gives me a bit of levity and strength and I tried checking myself into a clinic to face my fears and mental health problems head on. However, they completely isolated me from any cellphone usage there and going outside at any time. Visitors were only allowed on weekends. I had no way of communicating with anyone aside over a landline and only in very limited time slots (that landline was broken for several days when I got there mind you). I had to scramble to somehow find a way to talk to my partner with her buying a skype international landline and even then most of our calls were spent with us trying to find a way of when we could talk the next time and being frustrated when things would not work on some days because of commitments. If there was a change of plans there was no way for me to call her and let her know something was up. Only she could call and it was anxiety inducing for both of us having no way to reach out to eachother. The people there all had their own issues and as a person who already worries about triggering other people being around very emotionally vulenrable people only and upsetting them (they told me all the things I had done wrong during a group therapy session) launched me into the worst panic attack of my life. No one checked up on me after in the clinic and I no longer felt it was the right or safe place for me and had to leave. Moreover, having a 1 days notice on when I’d get into the clinic  They gave me no time to prepare for these new and extreme conditions (they called me and said I have to decide on the spot if I wanted to come in tomorrow, otherwise I couldnt come into the clinic until March next year).

I am thankful to be back in the little safety net of therapy, being in the city I love with cafes and parks that can somewhat relax me and calm me down and my cousin and aunts to support me. Unfortunately, my parents put me under pressure to “contribute” more in the household. I never know what “enough” is. Everday I get home and do chores I live in fear that it is not enough and will result in them yelling at me again claiming arbitrarily that what I did was not enough in their opinion. Things are tense to say the least. They want me to start something and get better with my mental health but never really offer to help me themselves and I feel lost and alone. Because of this treatment I always feel that nothing I do is good enough and I can’t/shouldn’t even try in the first place. I am never sure if the standards they set for me are too high or if I am just being whiny and weak or not good enough objectively?

What part of this is my mental health? am I just being lazy? are they right? 

Here is the part I feel especially guilty about: Asking for help.

I wanted to accurately explain why and how I am struggling. I hope at least some of you can empathize and understand why this seemingly easy situation is so hard for me because of my family history and mental health.

Money doesn’t buy happiness but it does help alleviate certain financial problems. Being currently unable to get myself to get stable income I feel even more stuck and am struck with panic about how to visit my girlfriend at all.

What will you do when you have money? How will you spend it?

I am commited to fixing my mental health and will do weekly updates on what progress I’ve made. Therapy, looking into speech therapy paths, finding deals and dates for the cheapest possible flights to the US, hobbies like photography or making videos. Having people looking and validating the process makes me feel like I can do this and gives me a project to focus on. I just hope for your kindness to spare any money you have to contribute to bettering my current situation. If you want me to write anything for you, I am happy to just tell me which pairing and the general plot idea and if you want any specific things included. I’ll sincerely do my best.

Moreover, the money would truly be spent on what I need to get better and stabilize i.e. medication, plane tickets to see my girlfriend, equipment for filming/photography, semester fees and occasional mental health treats like going out to a warm cozy cafe to relax and not be faced with the constant stress and pressure at home (max. 15€ a week). I am happy to document these spendings for you. 

As soon as my life has stablized enough and therapy or others around me have helped me to get back on my feet, get a stable income, etc you don’t need to feel an obligation to donate and I can take my posts down if necessary.

My PayPal is https://www.paypal.me/ninin96 and I am truly grateful for anything you are willing to give me or comission me. 

Thank you for your time.

#personal #I am happy to add receipts/pictures etc of me being in a clinic #plane tickets etc #and ofc I would do this when planning all the updates and the thing on spendings #anything helps #this would literally save me so much stress/anxiety and help me work on myself #like I said I am happy to do comissions #I realize my writing in this is not up to par but it was because its basically my life story #and something that is still so raw and confusing to me

[prepare4trouble]

Star Wars Rebels fanfic - Together (an AU of an AU) Part 9/9

Finished it!

This chapter should have been up literally weeks ago, but stuff kept coming up and I kept wanting to make little tweaks and... well, you know how it goes. I got there in the end though.

(part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8)

In the early days, after Malachor, it had surprised Ezra how little the loss of his sight had affected Kanan’s ability with a lightsaber. While he had struggled at first to find his way around an unfamiliar room, or perform normal, everyday tasks, the moment he activated his blade, all hesitancy disappeared. Whether he was performing katas and practicing alone or sparring with Ezra, Ezra could see almost no difference in his master’s skill level.

It was as though he could somehow see by the light of the blade.

Kanan had laughed when Ezra had said that. Not a real laugh, more like a smile and a quick exhalation of air through his nose, but it was obvious that the comment had amused him, and Ezra had wondered why.

Kanan had shaken his head and deactivated his blade. “Something I said once,” he had explained. “When I was a youngling, at the Temple. I asked what was the point in learning to use a lightsaber blindfolded because nowhere was so dark the blade wouldn’t give you enough light to see by. It turned out I was wrong.”

Ezra had winced at the explanation. It wasn’t funny, and he didn’t know how Kanan could have laughed about it. Overcome by the urge to see, he had deactivated his own lightsaber and pulled off the blindfold that he had been using during the sparring match.

“We used to train with our vision obscured all the time as younglings,” Kanan had continued. “But it wasn’t about learning how to fight blind, that was just a byproduct; it was to teach us to trust in the Force. It’s more reliable than your other senses; your eyes can deceive you.”

Ezra had known that. Kanan had told him before, back when they both had perfect vision and no idea that anything was going to change, but this was the first time Ezra had heard it in some time. He repeated the words in his mind, holding onto them, trying to find comfort in them. But that wasn’t why Kanan had said it. He wasn’t trying to reassure him, it was simply a statement of fact.

He had known, too, that Kanan had done that kind of training. He had made no secret of the fact that he had called upon the lessons he had been taught at the Temple for inspiration when he began to teach Ezra. What he hadn’t realized until now, was the extent of Kanan’s training. Blindfolded, once he had gotten over the problem of balance without his sight to ground him, Ezra had no problem going through the motions of the basic stances and katas that Kanan had taught him, and he wasn’t bad at deflecting objects thrown in his direction, but ask him to face an opponent, even in a friendly sparring match, and he was completely and totally out of his depth.

But Kanan, newly blinded, had faced Maul and escaped with his life.

Looking uncomfortable, Kanan had clipped his lightsaber to his belt before folding his arms and turning away from Ezra so that his face was hidden. “I… hated it,” he had added. “Not being able to see, I mean. It made me feel vulnerable. I think that’s why I didn’t use that method more often with you. I should have.”

That part was new; something Kanan had never told him before. Honestly, Ezra had never enjoyed it much either. He had hesitated then, caught between saying something to try to reassure Kanan, and steering the topic of conversation as far away from the current one as he could. If they had known what was going to happen, they would probably both have done a lot of things differently. There was nothing they could do about it now. Nothing except make up for lost time.

Training as a whole meant something different now than it had done before. It wasn’t only about lightsaber practice, or using the Force. They were still a part of it, but there was so much more now too.

Training meant slowly but surely learning how to find their way around the base; a place that in its current state, Kanan had never seen and Ezra was still getting used to. It meant expanding on the Force techniques that they had already developed to allow them to sense the world around them, improving them, using them over and over until it became second nature. It meant hours and hours spent practicing with the tactile alphabet that Sabine had brought to them, learning how to recognize each letter by touch, and then how to read whole words and sentences.

Much to Ezra’s frustration, training now also meant a lot more meditation than it had before, concentrating on strengthening their connections to the Force.

There was more to it than that, though. So much of what they were learning how to do didn’t involve the Force at all. That shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Ezra, who as a child had observed the methods that his aunt had used to compensate for her blindness, but for some reason it had. For a time, he had been fooling himself into believing that eventually, with enough practice, the Force would be able to compensate for everything.

He was now realizing that wasn’t the case.

Training now also meant Kanan talking through problems that he had encountered, mundane tasks that neither of them had even considered before, that had suddenly become difficult or impossible, and the two of them working together to find a solution.

“You know,” Ezra said one evening as they printed out tactile labels for items in the kitchen cabinets. “I’m pretty sure figuring out how to shave without looking would be one of the least difficult things we’ve done recently.”

Kanan raised a hand and ran his fingertips through the beard that covered his lower face. He smiled and shook his head. “That’s one of the reasons I stopped shaving at first, but it’s grown on me now.”

“Yeah,” Ezra said. “That’s kinda my point.”

Kanan sighed pointedly. “I meant I like it now.”

“That’s only because you don’t have to look at it,” Ezra told him. “I do.”

“Not for much longer,” Kanan retorted, then froze in apparent horror.

Ezra blinked, caught off-guard and momentarily unsure how to react. Ezra had been making comments like that for months, and getting away with it. Jokes and comments sometimes at his own expense, sometimes at Kanan’s, sometimes at both of them. It had become almost a reflex. This was the first time he had heard it from somebody else.

It felt weird.

He did the only thing he could, under the circumstances. He laughed. “Point,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” Kanan told him. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Hey, you’re not wrong,” Ezra said.

Kanan was still frowning. Ezra got it, he had said things that he regretted before now. It was refreshing, in a way, to hear somebody else do it instead.

“I know,” Kanan said, “but…”

“Seriously, don’t apologize. It’s about time someone else tried to make a joke around here. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing all the work. And talking of work, how’s that label coming?”

Kanan relaxed just slightly and got on with printing the next label.

As Ezra watched, he felt a smile spread across his face. What Kanan had said hadn’t been a joke, not a deliberate one anyway, but it had actually made him laugh, if only because it had taken him by surprise. As jokes went, he had heard worse.  He had made worse.

“The first time I said something like that was an accident too,” he said. Kanan knew that of course; he had been there. The second time had been an accident too, and the third. “But then I decided to stop worrying about it. I figured if I could make people laugh, maybe it’d make the whole thing start to feel more normal.”

“Did it work?”

“Nope.”

Kanan nodded like he had expected that answer.

“But at least I’m not beating myself up every time I make a joke anymore,” Ezra added. “Anyway, it still might work, especially if you’re going to do it too now.”

Kanan shook his head. “I’m not…” he began.

“Next time, say something in front of Hera,” Ezra suggested.

Hera in particular never seemed to relax. She was constantly on edge around both Kanan and Ezra in a way that Sabine and Zeb weren’t anymore. She watched Kanan, and sometimes Ezra too, like she was on the verge of helping, ready to spring into action if they needed anything. If Kanan noticed, he didn’t mention it, but to Ezra it felt stifling.  Nobody was comfortable with the situation yet, Ezra least of all, but he could sense Hera’s discomfort and that made his own worse. He hadn’t dared to make a joke around her yet, because he didn’t know how she would react.

Without even taking a moment to consider it, Kanan shook his head. “I’m not that crazy,” he told him.

So he had noticed. Ezra shrugged. “I just figured that coming from you, it might be easier for her to handle. She might even laugh. Or at least pretend to.”

If not, at least she would be mad at Kanan and not Ezra. He imagined she would forgive him more easily.

“Maybe Rex,” Kanan mused.

He was right, Rex would be better. He was the only person who had never walked on eggshells around them. He laughed when Ezra made a bad joke and he wasn’t even faking it. “Nah, too easy,” Ezra told him. “Is the label ready?”

Kanan finished the last letter and handed over the finished label. Ezra squinted at it in an attempt to see what was printed there. It was pointless; he already knew that his eyes were no longer capable of making out the tiny colorless bumps that made up the tactile alphabet. He still tried anyway, every time.

He gave up on reading the label visually, and ran the tip of his index finger slowly over the text, taking his time, checking each letter carefully. He frowned. “Uh, Kanan? Doesn’t this one say ‘sugar’?”

“Stop asking me what they say,” Kanan told him. “Start trusting yourself. You know what it says; you just read it.”

“Yeah, and it’s a good thing I did. I asked for one that said ‘jogan tea’.”

Kanan shrugged, apparently unbothered by his mistake. “We need to label the sugar too, don’t we?”

Not anymore, apparently. “Sure, but…” he began.

“I’m making sure you read them,” Kanan told him. “I don’t want you to stick the labels on upside down.” He paused. “Again.”

It had been one time, and he had noticed immediately. Ezra sighed pointedly. “Sure, I’ll just assume I read them right,” he said. “Just don’t blame me the next time you try to make caf and end up with a cup of watery gravy or something instead.”

Kanan laughed. “You wouldn’t do that,” he said.

“Not deliberately, no, but if you keep giving me the wrong labels on purpose…”

Of course, he wasn’t going to do it deliberately. Not only because it would be cruel and pointless, but also because it wouldn’t be long before Ezra needed to use the tactile labels too. He squinted at the sugar jar. Not long at all, judging by how difficult it was getting to make out the aurebesh printed on some of the containers they were labeling today.

That was a frightening thought. He glared at the text on the sugar jar as though it was somehow at fault, then gave in to the slightly vindictive urge to carefully stick the label over the text so that nobody else could read it either. It was a distinctive-looking enough container that he doubted anybody actually needed to read it, but it still made him feel better.

He didn’t mention to Kanan what he had done. Somehow, he doubted that he would approve.

“So, can I have the jogan tea label now?”

Kanan printed and handed over another label, far too short to be what Ezra had asked for. Ezra read the word ‘caf’, rolled his eyes, then stuck it on the correct jar without comment. Kanan waited, obviously expecting Ezra to say something. When he didn’t, Kanan printed another label, longer this time, and handed it over. Ezra checked it, stuck it on the tea, put the box away, and closed the cabinet door.

“That’s everything,” he said. Well, it was everything in that cabinet anyway, and that was all they had planned to do for now. There was still much more to label around the ship, and around the base, but that was a task for another day. “So, wanna do something else?” he asked.

“What did you have in mind?” Kanan’s lips quirked into a smile. “Meditation?”

Ezra made a face. Let Kanan get away with one joke at his expense and he was going to have to put up with them for the rest of his life. “I was thinking of something a bit less boring,” he said. “Did you know the mechanics have set up a racing track for the dokma?”

“Yeah. Rex mentioned it.” Kanan shook his head. “I hear they color-code the dokma so people can tell them apart.”

“Yeah, and we bet for rations and equipment and stuff. Someone even bet a helmet a couple of days ago, but I didn’t win it.”

Kanan nodded. “But I hear they color-code the dokma,” he repeated, a little more slowly. “And then people watch them race down the track.”

“‘Race’ might be a bit too strong a word, they more like… Oh.” He stopped, finally understanding what Kanan was trying to tell him.

“You go ahead,” Kanan told him. “I have plans with Hera tonight anyway.”

He was such an idiot. Of course Kanan wouldn’t be able to watch the race. He had known that. It had just taken him a little longer than it should to realize that a night of standing around not watching five creatures meander around a racing track might not be entertaining for him.

Or, soon, for Ezra.

He slumped against the wall, suddenly feeling very tired. Every day he found something else that he couldn’t do anymore, or thought of something that was going to get harder, or something that he was going to miss. He hated it. He hated everything about it.

Suddenly, he didn’t feel like going to the races anymore.

But he liked the races. He didn’t want to have to give them up. He didn’t want to spend the time he had left to enjoy them wondering how long it would be before he could no longer follow what was happening on the track. Plus, he had a pocket full of ration bars that he had been hoping to turn into a meiloorun for Hera’s birthday.

“Ezra, it’s fine,” Kanan told him. “Go.”

But it wasn’t fine. It already wasn’t fine. “I mixed up two of the colors the other night,” he admitted.

He hadn’t thought anything of it at the time; he had put it down to not paying attention, then forgotten about it when he got swept up in the euphoria of having won the race when he thought he had lost. But that had been the start of it. That had probably been the first of many times that it would happen before he finally gave up and started to rely on others to tell him who had won. It was only going to get worse.

Kanan sighed deeply. He folded his arms and appeared to hesitate before he replied, like he was trying to think of the right thing to say. “Okay,” he said. “So what can you do about that? What would make it easier to tell them apart?”

Nothing. There was nothing he could do. It was only going to get worse.

“Are the colors too similar? Could they be changed? Or, what are the lights like out there? Maybe you could ask the engineers to make them a little brighter.”

Kanan was trying to do for Ezra what they did for Kanan when he ran into a problem; try to find a solution that would solve it. Ezra considered the suggestions. The colors were fine, it was his eyes that were at fault. He would probably have as much difficulty with two other colors as he had with blue and green. The lighting though; it was lit, but it wasn’t great. It could be better. “Maybe,” he said. It would be a temporary fix, but it would work for a time.

But that would only help him, not Kanan.

And after a while, it wouldn’t help him anymore either.

He forced a smile. “Mixing them up worked in my favor though,” he added. “Kinda. I thought I’d lost, then they announced blue was the winner, not green.”

“Great,” Kanan told him. “Leave everything how it is, maybe it’ll happen again.”

Ezra sighed. It would happen again. Asking for better lighting wouldn’t stop that, it would only delay it.

“They always announce which color won, though,” he added. “So maybe the answer is not to look, or not to trust what I see. Just wait for the announcement.”

Kanan frowned and Ezra thought he felt a flicker of sadness through the Force, but he nodded. “It’s certainly going to work better in the long-run,” he agreed.

Not to mention, it didn’t mean asking for any special treatment; he didn’t like doing that.

The races weren’t really races anyway. A race usually involved more than one person or thing trying to get from the start to the finish. The dokma didn’t do that. They didn’t try to get anywhere. They didn’t even know they were supposed to be in a race, so instead of trying to reach the finish line, they meandered in random directions, crossing from one lane to another, or turning around and going the wrong way. Sometimes they stopped completely and went to sleep.

Most people didn’t really watch the race. They were just there to hang out, place bets, and have a drink. The fact that a race was happening nearby didn’t even really matter most of the time.

“It might not be so bad,” he said. “Not being able to see the race, I mean.”

He didn’t need to see to choose a dokma either. It wasn’t possible to tell by looking at them which one would be most likely to wander in the right direction; it was pure luck.

There were things that he would miss, like the end part of the race when people began to notice one of the dokma approaching the finish line. Awareness would spread through the crowd like a ripple, gathering momentum as people realized those around them had shifted their attention to the track, and they too started to watch intently, or shout encouragement. He wouldn’t be a part of that. Not really. 
Mostly the shouting didn’t make any difference; the dokma didn’t notice. Apart from one particularly hilarious night when someone screaming loudly at a creature inches from the finish line scared it with his volume and it retreated inside its shell for long enough for another dokma to wander over the line.

It wouldn’t be the same not to see things like that happen, to have to hear about them second hand from someone else. But it would eventually be unavoidable. He would have to get used to it, or stop going, and he didn’t want to stop going.

“It should be fine,” he said, not completely sure whether he was speaking to Kanan or to himself.

He pushed aside a slight flutter of nerves at the thought of what he was about to do. It would be fine. It would be a little frustrating not to be able to see what was happening on the track, but he would get used to that. Being around large crowds with his eyes covered was disorienting, but he had done it before, and it was something else that he was going to have to get used to.

Honestly, the worst part was probably going to be trying to explain to Hobbie and Wedge why he had decided to show up wearing a blindfold.

He reached into his pocket and slowly pulled out the strip of fabric he kept on him for training. He could test it out, see how it went, then he and Kanan could think of a work-around for any unanticipated problems, then try it again.

He tied the blindfold around his face, covering his eyes, then adjusted it until it was as comfortable as he could make it. He took a deep breath to calm himself, marveling at the fact that the rising panic was gone. A few months ago, he couldn’t have done this. He couldn’t even have contemplated it.

It was going to be different when he had no choice, when he wasn’t wearing it and he still couldn't see. In some ways, the blindfold was comforting, its presence a reminder that when he took it off, he would find the world exactly where he had left it.

Through the Force, he could feel Kanan’s surprise as he realized what Ezra was doing.

“You don’t have to do that now,” he said.

But he did have to. If not now — if not before he needed it — then after, when he did. And it was going to be so much worse then.

“I know,” he said. “I’ll let you know how it went tomorrow.”

He headed for the door, and out into the base, leaving Kanan behind him.

#star wars rebels #swr fanfic #ezra bridger #kanan jarrus #little by little #auau

[the-coconut-asado]

Crazy for Kiwi Crickets

When it comes to eating out in Fiji, you are only as good as your last success.

 Consistently get it right and the punters will flock. Anything less than excellent and it’s ‘Maaan that place has gone downhill – but the duck soup at Harbour Centre is the Bomb!’ You can’t actually get duck soup at Harbour Centre, but anything with duck in Suva is a sure-fire winner as they are in constant short supply.

 Fiji is always in pursuit of the New Big Thing. That duck soup place I mentioned was actually the New Big Thing once, so was The Guava Café (doorstep griddled toast and Land of the Giant-sized portions); Singh’s burn-your-ring curry house and the Chinese restaurant at Samabula where you got a decent takeaway and a ringside seat at a sailors’ punch up.

 There are some classics that never go out of fashion. The cream buns at Hot Bread Kitchen – the ‘cream’ is actually buttercream and they sell them in sets of six like monkey bread so yeah, good luck with just eating one; Cardo’s Steakhouse in Denarau – they claim their cattle are descendants of Argentine castaways from the 19th century (kind of yarn that could spark a punch up in that Samabula Chinese restaurant, but the steaks ARE consistently good); Friday seafood lunch at Suva Bowling Club (you may not recognise half the seafood on your plate, and that’s a good thing); And, sadly closed now, The Cottage – tucked behind the main drag in Suva, serving the best local Fiji food and only open at lunchtime. And didn’t we all wail when the owner retired and shut up shop after decades of top-quality chow.

Anyway, it’s quite something when the New Big Thing is your sister-in-law’s café. Weta (Coffee) Fiji, the fifth child of Mue and her husband Darran, opened its doors in March this year. 

The café gets its name from a gerbil-sized cricket native to New Zealand. A quick google search and you can watch a film of a weta fighting a foraging pig, so maybe not exotic pet material. 

While the lion’s share of daily sales will always be the coffee (and we returned with bags of beans to London, it’s that good), it’s the food at Weta that’s getting the lion’s share of hype. World Health Organisation apparatchiks would probably advise not have more than one Honey Butter Waffle a month, yet people are spectacularly carb-loading these Weta signature goodies daily on their way to work. Take a look at the picture below and you could so easily join them.

Aside from the waffle-fest, Mue and cousin Cherie (whose aunt founded that other Fiji café classic Bulaccino) have entered into a kind of foodie face-off with each other, competing to see who can come up with the most mouth-watering innovations. The Honey Butter Waffles already give 1-0 to Mue; but ever thought of combining crispy nuggets of bacon with a rich mayonnaise, slathering it on a chicken schnitzel and sandwiching it all in a toasted mini baguette? Then check out their Chicken Baconnaise Panini and Cherie evens the score. How about a teal-green smoothie that tastes fruity and delicious but you don’t know why? Place your order for their Ugly Green Juice  - a joint invention so let’s call it a draw. I assiduously worked my way through most of their menu over two weeks and couldn’t find much that was less than evil genius.

Because this is a family concern, and Mue does a lot of her experimenting in her own kitchen, I got caught up in the whole entrepreneurial swirl when we were there this summer. Watching while Mue, with apparent carelessness cloaking a keen cook’s eye, tossed ingredients for her Marsala Chai muffins into the food processor at 5 in the morning while simultaneously whipping up a vegan version of her waffle mix. Slavishly watching her EPOS app to see if the sales dial had moved to kerching! levels – in short, generally starting to catch the fever of the hospitality business owner. Is Suva ready for Kava Hot Chocolate? (Kava is the ceremonial drink of Fiji with delicate overtones of mud). Apparently yes, and at least 10 people on the first day of sales had a dreamless sleep that night. Another invention marked up to Mue and another profit stream.

Having eaten our body weight in tropical breakfast patisserie, we left Suva for a few days to head to our own New Big Thing on Fiji’s Other Big Island.   

Savusavu is a picturesque town with a bay big enough to host a fistful of yachts and a marina to moor them. Even though it’s popular, the road to Savusavu – which nestled on the South coast of Vanua Levu - is one less travelled compared to the resort islands of Western Viti Levu. It has a reputation as a millionaire’s playground and we were told ‘be careful, you won’t want to come back’ (do people wrongly assume that we are at home in the company of dicks with yachts?). Anyway, they weren’t wrong about the beauty of the place, and I can now tell them a few tales about some unexpected food epiphanies.

The first was thanks to Sarah, the owner of the Gecko Guesthouse. It said in our Airbnb blurb that she would throw in a cooking lesson if we asked nicely. Which we did, and she obliged, if a little reluctantly at first. We spent one chilled-out evening learning her techniques for snake bean and bitter gourd curries (be sparing rather than slavish with your spices), a-ma-zing fish madras (although we can’t get fresh walu in the West, swordfish would be a decent substitute) and clever hack for cooking rice (err, use an electric rice maker).

However, the piece de resistance of Savusavu is a ‘dive’ (my friend Ije’s word when he saw the Insta post) called Arun’s Hidden Taste of Paradise. 

The name felt a bit at odds with its appearance, which is a little grubby and dishevelled, but don’t be fooled. The clue is in the word ‘hidden’ because if you make it through their mesh-covered door you will taste cassava chips which are meltingly creamy on the inside and quadruple-cooked crispy on the outside and, hands down, the best butter chicken I have eaten in my life. The eponymous Arun, both owner and cook, seemed frankly scared when I asked for a photo, so I didn’t push on asking for the recipe – but kept the flavour profile running around in my head for the rest of the trip.

Obsessed as I was, I hunted down ingredients lists for butter chicken on my bookshelves and I think I have found a pretty good match in Vivek Singh, who based his Cinnamon Club classic on a 1950’s recipe from the Moti Mahal in Old Delhi. But then I saw a recipe for a curry pie in last month’s Delicious Magazine and had the brainwave to make this pie with the butter chicken. And while you might have to make the trip to Suva to get Mue’s original and best Honey Butter Waffles TM, I have slightly adapted her Chai Latte and Choc Chip Muffins  and Ugly Green juice here.

So raise your Ugly-Green juice-filled glass to New Big Things. And watch out for the next one - the launch of Mue and Darran’s Writers Lodge guesthouse with Kava Bar and Weta Café later this Autumn.

You can follow them on @wetafiji. 

 Butter Chicken Pie

You can just make this butter chicken straight with pilau rice and all the trimmings, but turning it into a pie takes it to the next level. This pastry is super short and crispy, thanks to a mix of butter and lard. Don’t be put off by the long list of ingredients or the processes. It’s dead easy over a lazy Sunday and the flavours are so worth it. Serves 4.

 Ingredients:

For the butter chicken:

800g boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into bite-sized pieces

One red chilli and some coriander leaves

1 large red pepper, seeded and cut into strips

For the marinade: 

120g Greek yoghurt

5 garlic cloves, grated or crushed

1 inch piece  of ginger, peeled and grated

1 tbsp sunflower oil

Juice of 1 large lemon

Kosher salt and pepper to taste

3 tsp chilli powder

1 tsp ground cumin

½ tsp garam masala

½ tsp turmeric

For the sauce:

8-10 tomatoes

1 in piece of ginger, half grated and half chopped finely

4 garlic cloves, grated or crushed

4 green cardamom pods, 2 cloves, 1 bay leaf

2 tsp chilli powder

80g salted butter, diced

2 green chillies, split lengthwise but still joined at the stem

80ml single cream

A few dried fenugreek leaves

1tsp garam masala

1 tbsp. sugar

For the spiced butter:

1 Tbsp. ghee

1 tsp black mustard seeds

1 tsp. crushed chillies

For the pastry:

230g plain flour

1 tsp kosher salt

65g salted butter, and 50g lard, both chilled and cubed

4tsp. soured cream

1 tbsp. apple cider vinegar( or use white wine vinegar as a substitute)

4 tsp. water

1 egg., beaten

3 tbsp. lime pickle (I like Pataks)

2 tbsp. sugar

How to make:

First marinate the chicken. Mix all marinade ingredients, stir in the chicken, cover and pop in the fridge for at least 2 hours, or preferably overnight.

 Heat the oven to 220C/ Gas 9. Spread the chicken pieces out in one layer on a large baking tray, leaving a margin on the side to say out the strips of red pepper, tossed in a tsp. olive oil. Cook for 15-20 mins, turning the pieces halfway through so that they cook evenly. Remove from the oven and set aside while you make the sauce.

 Slice the tomatoes in half and put in a large saute pan with 125 ml water, grated ginger, garlic, cardamom, cloves and bay leaf. Simmer, covered for about 25 mins until the tomatoes are mushy (the aroma from this simmer will already be driving you wild with desire). Remove the whole spices, add the chilli powder and simmer for a further 10 mins (Vivek likes to push the tomatoes through a sieve and just use the resultant puree, but I prefer my sauce to be a bit more rugged, a little less refined).

 Add the chicken pieces and the red pepper slices and all their juices and give it a good stir. Slowly stir in the butter, a couple of cubes at a time, and simmer for about 8 minutes until the chicken is cooked through. Add the chopped ginger, chillies and cream and simmer for a minute or two longer. Stir in 1 tsp.kosher salt, crumble in the fenugreek leaves and the garam masala. Adjust the seasoning if necessary then add the sugar.

 In a separate small pan, warm up all the ingredients for the spiced butter until the seeds start to pop. At this stage you can serve the Butter Chicken with the spiced butter spooned over the top, but if progressing with the pie (which I urge you to do) , then set both the chicken and the spiced butter to one side.

Now make the pastry (you can also make this ahead and chill, just bring back to room temperature before rolling out). Combine the flour , salt and a generous grind of black pepper in a food processor. Add the butter and lard and blitz until it has the texture of fine breadcrumbs. In a separate bowl, mix the soured cream, vinegar and water then add to the flour and butter mix and just blitz until the mixture starts to come together (don’t overwork it). Turn out onto a floured surface and bring together into a smooth ball. Wrap in cling film then chill for at least 30 mins.

Heat the oven to 200C/ Gas 6. Brush the rim of your pie dish with the beaten egg, then fill the dish with the butter chicken and drizzle the spiced butter all over the surface. Roll out the pastry in a circle big enough to cover the pie dish, then lay over the top of the dish, crimping the edges to seal and trim off any surplus pastry to neaten the edges. Cut a small cross in the middle to let the steam out during cooking and make some pastry leaves with any pastry offcuts.

Brush all over with the rest of the egg glaze then pop in the fridge for 10 minutes.During that 10 minutes, make the lime pickle glaze by mixing the pickle with 2 tbsp. boiling water and the sugar. Set aside.

Bake the pie for 40 mins then brush all over with the lime pickle glaze and bake for 15 mins more. Serve garnished with the chilli (dipped in a little oil to make it glisten) and a few coriander leaves.

 Mue’s Chai Latte Choc Chip Muffins (and some variations)

When I asked Mue for the recipe she had to quantify her instincts on ingredients, (and thanks for leaving out the eggs first time round missus) but the results were judged by those who ate them as ‘the best they have ever had’. I have slightly adjusted the recipe, using chai latte mix instead of masala chai and used my favourite buttermilk instead of sour cream. (makes 12 generous muffins)

Ingredients:

3.5 cups flour (about 350g) plain flour

3 tbsp. baking powder

1 tbsp chai latte powder

Pinch kosher salt

125g butter, melted

200g sugar

2 tbsp. Coconut oil, melted

2 tsp vanilla

2 cups buttermilk and maybe a tbsp of milk

2 eggs

1 50g packet of chocolate chips plus a few extra for serving

For the streusel topping: 

20g plain flour

10g sugar

10g butter

1 tsp. Chai latte powder

How to make

Heat the oven to 220C/ Gas 7-8. Line a 12 cup muffin tin with muffin holders (I like the tulip-shaped ones in the photo). 

In a large bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, sugar, chai latte powder and salt. In separate bowl mix the melted, cooled butter and coconut oil with the beaten eggs, Buttermilk, splash of milk (1 tbsp) and the vanilla paste. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix with a wooden spoon until a thick, gloopy consistency. Add a little more milk if the mix is too stiff. You want it not quite falling off your spoon. Then fold in the chocolate chips. 

In a third bowl, rub the butter into the flour until you have fine breadcrumbs then mix in the sugar and chai latte. 

Fill the muffin cups evenly (about 2 tbsp. Mix per cup), then top with the streusel and pop in the oven, turning the heat down immediately to 180C/ Gas 5. Bake for 30 mins until a skewer comes out clean from the centre, then remove from the oven and dot each muffin with a few more chocolate chips cool and serve. 

Variations

For Blueberry muffins, omit the chai latte powder and choc chips and stir in 3 oz fresh blueberries into the muffin mix. Bake as before. 

For Apple, Pecan and Golden Syrup muffins. Melt 2 tbsp golden syrup with the butter and coconut oil, then add all the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients as before. Fold in 1 grated apple and 50g coarsely chopped pecans into the muffin mix then bake as before. Dot each muffin with a few more chopped pecans when out of the oven and before they cool. 

Mue and Cherie’s Ugly Green Juice

This is the colour of verdigris but tastes delightful. Just shut your eyes and drink (or colour match with your nail polish, like here). 

Ingredients: 

½ cup frozen strawberries

2 tsp acai berry powder or lingonberry powder

2 tsp Splenda or Stevia sweetener

4 tsp. Spirulina

1-2 Cups nut milk (try to get a nice think consistency, so start with 1 cup and add more to taste

How to Make

Put all your ingredients into a blender, blitz till smooth and serve. 

It’s that simple.

[0bsessedwithdolan-blog]

High School Sweetheart (Pt. 2)

A/N: This is short, but I wanted to get a part 2 out tonight. Part 3 will be long and probably be the final part. 

"Hey" Thats all the message said and yet it made me smile bigger than I had in months. "hi" I replied back. "what are you doing?" he asked. "nothing, you?" This small talk conversation continued for about 30 minutes before he said "you should call me sometime" and then gave me his phone number. Why was Grayson asking me to call him? He is still with the girl he had broken up with Lindsay for. The rest of the day I dialed his number maybe 24 times but never hit the call button. What would I say? Why was he wanting me to call him? The next day when I woke up I had another unread message from Grayson saying to call him that evening. Okay. Got it. But what time is evening? This boy will be the death of me. 5pm rolls around sooner than I expected and I hear my phone ding with a notification. Another message. "I'm free for a call now" I grab my phone and dial his number, hovering over the call button. My stomach is doing flips.  I start calling him with my breath held. It rung 5 times and then.. "Hey!" He says in that deep voice that I didn't realize I missed so bad. "H-hi" I say.  He is on vacation with his mom, aunt, cousin, and his cousin's boyfriend. We talk for 3 or 4 hours laughing about him walking in on his cousin and her boyfriend doing God knows what in the hotel room. "I really missed you" he says after a long bit of laughter. Whoa. What? Grayson missed me? Me? I didn't even think I mattered to Grayson. "I missed you too." I replied, my heart in my throat.

-Almost 2 months later-

It's July 27th now. I have had the best summer of my life and I didn't even half to leave my house. After that first phone call, Grayson and I began calling each other every night and talking until at least 4 am. We talked about music, shows, school, and his girlfriend. He seemed to really love her, but they had their issues. With every conversation I fell more in love with him. Today I am going to the mall with my family. Although I'd rather be spending the day waiting for Grayson to call me. I'm pathetic.   Surprisingly, I had a good time at the mall and didn't even really think about Grayson. I bought some new outfits for school and thats about it, but it was nice getting out of the house. As I was walking out of the mall, my phone starts ringing. It's Grayson. Huh. This is earlier than he normally calls me. "Hi.." He says in a broken voice. I can tell he has been crying. "Gray? What's wrong?" I reply with worry in my voice. "Kat and I are in a huge fight. I just wanted to go see her and she doesn't want me to and I don't understand why. She got me so upset that I accidentally yelled at my Grandmother." at this point he was sobbing. "Gray, I am sure she wants to see you but it may just not be a good day. and I KNOW your grandmother will forgive you and knows you wouldn't yelled at her on purpose. Its going to be okay." I try and comfort him. We talked for about 20 more minutes before Kat started calling him again. The next day I woke up in the worst mood. Grayson and I didn't talk the night before because he was busy making up with Kat. I hadn't talked to him since the mall. I didn't even know this girl, but I hated her and I did not think she deserved Gray. I spent the whole day locked in my room because quite frankly I did not want to be sociable. I was scrolling down facebook when Grayson messaged me yet again complaining about Kat. Ugh. If only he knew how good I could treat him. If only he knew how much I loved him. "Grayson you're so oblivious" "what?" "You're constantly complaining about this girl to me and obviously i am always going to listen because I am IN LOVE with you." "what?" "I have had feelings for you since the first day of freshman year, but I have shoved them aside because i thought I was doing what was making you happy, but you are not happy. " "I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "Why would it matter? You don't feel the same." "The fuck I don't. Of course I love you. You make me feel heard. You make me feel like I matter." What. Did Grayson just say he loved me too? What do I say? I sat there staring at my computer for what felt like forever when another messaged popped up. "I have to take care of something. Talk to you later." 3 hours. It's been 3 hours since Grayson told me he loved me too. I'm going crazy waiting for him to call me. I'll just check facebook, maybe he has messaged me on there. When I log on to facebook I am shocked by the first thing I see. 'Grayson Dolan has changed his relationship status to single' They broke up. Why hasn't he called? As soon as the thought came to my mind, my phone started ringing. When I looked at the screen 'Gray' and a picture that Gray and i had took last year when he was with Lindsay was on it. "H-hi" I quietly said. "Hey Y/N.." he replied I didn't know what to say back. What was I supposed to say? "Soooo..." he said to break the silence. "Soo.." i repeated. "Kat and I broke up." He told me. "I seen that. Are you okay?" "Yeah, but I need to see you." He demanded. Now my heart was beating so fast I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. "Well school starts back in a couple of weeks: I replied. "No. I need to see you soon. This weekend?" he asked. We were both only 15 so we didn't have our license, so I would have to ask my mom to meet his dad. "One sec." i said and threw my phone down and ran to ask my mom. "Sure. This weekend sounds great." I said panting. "Good. I have to go do some chores for my dad. I'll talk to you soon." and with that he hung up the phone.

-3 days later-

It was finally Saturday. I had been looking forward to (and dreading) this day. I glanced at the clock in the middle of doing my makeup and the time read 12pm. I was meeting Grayson at 1pm. My stomach was full of butterflies. Once I finished getting ready, I went and got my mom. She looked at me up and down at me and smiled. "You look beautiful." She stated. I had a sky blue cropped tshirt on with highwaisted skinnies and matching converse. "Thanks mom" and then we left. It was 1pm as soon as we pulled into the meeting spot to get Grayson. I got out of the car to greet him and he pulled me into the best hug i had ever had in my life. "Hi" he said as he looked down and brushed the hair out of my face. Wow. Grayson was looking at me like I always wanted him to. What does this mean? The car ride back to my house was kind of awkward because my mom was there. When we got back to my house, we walked down to my grandmother's because it was crowded at my house due to my brother having company. As we were walking Grayson slipped his hand into mine. Wow. It felt like electricity was coursing through my veins. We walked into the house and my grandmother was laying down for her afternoon nap, so we just sat on the couch in the living room and talked until I decided to be a little brave. "So..when can I officially call you mine?" I said quietly looking into his beautiful hazel eyes.

Part 1

#dolan twins #grayson dolan #grayson and ethan #ethan dolan #ethan and grayson #dolan twins imagine #the dolan twins #mine

[katybeth23]

A/N

Part 3 ( cowboy take me away)

Jacks voices wavered as he was anxious to see Lisa

“It’s nice to meet you Jack, given the circumstances. If you could follow me to my office I’d like to discuss your wife’s condition before we go on up to see her”.

Dr Delon had a big smile and Jack felt more at ease as he followed the young doctor down the long corridor.

Once seated in his office the Dr proceeded to fill Jack in on Lisa’s accident and condition.

“This was a very serious accident Jack, your wife was only inches away from direct impact ~ she is lucky to be alive”.

His eyes had a kindness about them as he leant forward over his desk.

“We had to operate in order to stop

some internal bleeding, this took longer than expected. She has a fractured left wrist, some cuts and bruises and a mild concussion, but aside from that your Mrs Bartlett is a very lucky woman”.

He smiled as he saw the look of relief on Jacks face.

“We do want to keep her in for observation though Jack, and we would like to run some more tests over the next few days”, he paused to re read over his notes.

“She has been unwell on and off the entire trip according to her Aunt, so we just want to investigate more throughly if that’s ok with you both?”.

Lisa had told Jack about the stomach virus she had, but what she failed to mention was that it had been bothering her for the entire trip?

“Your wife was quite dehydrated when she arrived so we just want to rule out a few things such as; a serious intestinal virus, pregnancy, an infection of some sort”

Jack chuckled to himself

“Well doc I’m pretty sure it won’t be the second one; given Lisa’s age”. ( she was due to turn 50 in less than a month).

“But I appreciate the care you are giving her and am leaving it in your capable hands, so please do for whatever you need to”.

Dr Delon rose from his desk and gestured towards his door;

“This way Jack”.

He pointed towards the administration desk and down the hall.

“I know someone who is very egar to see you”.

Through all the worry he had felt these past 24 hours , the feeling of absolute relief when he laid eyes on Lisa had finally caught up with Jack.

As Dr Delon left them alone all Jack could do was breakdown and sob as he laid his head gently on Lisa’s lap.

Tears trickled down her cheeks as she ran her fingers through his thick grey hair.

Before now Lisa had been niaeve as to just how close she had come to never touching him again, hearing his voice, inhaling his scent. As she felt the rise and fall of his chest, Lisa knew in her heart that this would be the last overseas trip she would make.

Heartland was where she wanted to be; it was at home with Jack that Lisa was needed most. It was what SHE needed more than anything.

Slowly Jack lifted his head and looked into those piercing blue eyes he had missed so much.

“Oh Lise” his voice barely audible

“I have never been so frightened in my entire life as I was these past couple of days”.

Lisa’s soft hand touched his unshaven cheek

“I don’t know what I would have done if...”

“Shhhhhh ; I know, and I’m so sorry Jack”

Lisa too couldn’t contain her emotions any longer.

“I should never have gone away; and I promise you, I won’t ever be doing it again”.

She looked up at the ceiling, nose scrunched, trying her darndest not to breakdown.

“My place is at home with you; I’ve done what I needed to do and I’ve seen all I want to see”

she smiled lovingly at Jack as she wiped away a stray tear.

Soon they were both fast asleep, the last 24 hours ~ No in fact the last 8 weeks had exhausted the two of them past belief and in each other’s presence was the only place they could both truly rest.

The family were all relieved to hear Jacks voice as he relayed the news of Lisa’s condition and reassured them there was nothing to worry about and they would both be back home in no time.

He had woken about 2 hours after they had drifted off, Lisa continued to sleep peacefully. Jack watching her contently, only leaving her side to phone home.

When he returned to the room after calling Heartland he noticed Lisa’s bed was empty. A few moment later she exited her hospital bathroom. Jack noticed almost instantly the weight she had lost whilst she had been away, she smiled tiredly as she watched his eyes travel up down her body.

“You ok Lise” he asked softly

“The Doc said you have had the stomach upset almost the entire trip?”

Lisa noticed the concern in his voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He rubbed her back softly.

She sighed, knowing full well she should have told Jack just how unwell she had been feeling; but decide, for his sake to play it down a little.

“I know I should have told you, and I’m sorry”; tiredness still overwhelmed Lisa’s body.

“I didn’t want to worry you and really honey I’m fine, the doctor thinks it’s an intestinal bug { that are not uncommon whilst travelling } which they will run some more tests for, then treat it with some strong antibiotics”.

Lisa sat back on the bed as Jack helped her into a more comfortable position. He pulled a large hospital chair as close to the side of her bed as he could and within minutes Lisa had closed her eyes and had nuzzled her way into the crook of Jacks broad shoulder.

“It won’t be anything long term Jack”

her voice dropping off

“Just a bug that will clear up with some medication and a few changes in di”....

But before she could finish her sentence Lisa was fast asleep,snoring softly.

Jack chuckled quietly to himself as he recalled the numerous times Lisa had adamantly denied that she ever snored, getting quite ardent about it on a number of occasions when he brought it up.

His smile broadened because Jack didn’t mind, he was just happy to have her within arms reach, safely sleeping beside him again. Nothing could ever be better than this moment he thought to himself.

It was a little past 8 pm and visiting hours were due to finish up.

Jack felt awful at the thought of being seperated from Lisa again; he had assured the staff that he was more than happy to sleep in a chair just as long as he could be with her.

Although it wasn’t usually allowed, with the approval of Dr Delon the staff brought in another hospital bed which they pushed up beside Lisa’s so Jack could sleep next to her.

Lisa has become teary at the thought of Jack having to leave and was quite overcome with the hospitals kind gesture.

They lay together, side by side after almost 9 weeks apart and although Jack had always been adamant that his bed was he ONLY place he was comfortable, he had come to realise that it was actually NEXT to Lisa that he felt most rested.

She lay there in Jacks arms as he discussed with her Wills health scare, at times becoming emotional at the thought of how close he had come to losing his oldest friend; and Lisa just listened,Jack needed to let it all out. At times Lisa would run her fingers softly across Jacks chest, placing a small kiss on his hand that was placed tenderly over hers.

The time apart had clearly taken its toll on both of them.

The following day Lisa spent the morning going through all her tests Richard Delon had booked; these included bloods, urine, an MRI and ultrasound. It’s was a tiring process and he apologised profusely for the amount of poking and prodding that was being done.

He did however assure Lisa that these investigations would give him the answers he needed to treat her chronic upset stomach and then, most importantly she and Jack could return home.

“If it’s what I suspect Lisa”

Dr Delon had popped into Lisa’s room to check on her after her busy morning;

“Then you will possibly need 2-3 more days in hospital on IV antibiotics, and if that works the way I anticipate it will then by the weekend we can discharge you home with follow up oral medication”.

He beamed as he saw both their reactions to the mention of ‘Home’.

“I will stress to you though Lisa that this medication will need to be taken for up to 4 weeks with the possibility of 6 as I suspect it’s a nasty bug, and you will need to start slowly your foods, keeping clear of anything diary for at least a week or more”.

Jack rested his hand on Lisa’s lap.

“Thanks Doc, don’t you worry she’s in good hands”

He glanced across at Lisa and noticed she was watching him, eyes shining, lips slightly pursed they way they did when she was proud.

“Oh I have no doubt about that Jack”

was Dr Delon’s cheerful reply;

“Now if you’ll both excuse me I’ll go and chase up these results. I’ll be back shortly”

As he exited Lisa’s room he turned and gave them a smile.

As he had intended Dr Delon returned a few hours later with news on Lisa’s tests ; however neither he or his fellow colleagues had anticipated the results that came back.

As he entered Lisa’s room there was something slightly different about him Jack noticed.

He couldn’t put a finger on it and it didn’t necessarily concern him, but it bothered him all the same.

“How old are you Jack if you don’t mind me asking”

Richard Delon smiled at the older man as he made his request

“I’ll be 71, no sorry 72 in August”

Jack had to stop and think for a moment.

He laughed out loud.

“When you get to my age Doc, it’s sometimes hard to remember”

he winked at the much younger man sitting across from him.

#heartland fanfiction #jisa #lisa stillman #jack bartlett #my fics

[krazykpopscenarios]

One Pt.2

Group: EXO Member: Sehun x OC Genre: Fluff, Semi-smut Word count:  7421 A/N: The second to last part. This is super long because its wrapping up this mini series. It has a few time skips so again if you don’t like that I’m sorry but that’s how I am fitting everything in. I changed Y/B/N to Mina so if you’re like who the heck is Mina that’s why. It starts out being 2016 then to 2017. Y/F/N means your full name. 

One Night Stand | One Night | One Pt. 1 | One Pt. 2

It’s been three weeks since the boys left. I started growing a small baby bump, not too noticeable. My brother texted me a few days ago saying he wants to come visit me. Which is the perfect time to tell him the news. He is coming tomorrow so I’ve spent the entire day cleaning up the house. Sehun and I text when he can which isn’t a lot but he’s still in the same country at the moment, so that helps a little.

-

Today I am waiting at the airport for B/N. He texted me before he took off that he would be here in an hour or so. I fidget with my phone while I wait, then my phone starts vibrating in my hand. “Hello?” I answer. “Hi beautiful” Sehun’s voice comes through the phone. “Hi” I melt inside, because yes he still has that effect on me. “How are you and my little peach” I can hear his smile through the phone. “Good, the peach and I are waiting for my brother, B/N, at the airport” I look around me. The thing about having a public relationship with Sehun is that everyone knows me, luckily I haven’t been spotted yet. “Ah, he’s coming out to visit you?” Sehun says into the phone. “Yeah, he said and I quote ‘I haven’t seen my baby sister in so long but then she just pops up in a magazine and I just knew I had to come visit her’ so yeah now I get to see him” I explain.

“Well, then it looks like I’ll finally get to meet him” Sehun says quickly then coughs. “Wait, what?” I exclaim. “I get a week break before going to Japan so I’ll be coming home” Sehun says excitedly. “And you know what that means” I say waiting for him to finish the sentence. “I’ll be there to find out the gender of my baby” He finishes. “Wow, that makes me feel a lot better” I sigh. My brother comes into view when I look up from the floor. “Sehun, B/N is here so text me what day you’re coming back, I’ll talk to you later I love you” I say as I stand up and try to get B/N’s attention. “I will, beautiful, I love you too bye” Sehun hangs up and I put my phone in my back pocket.

“Hey! Big brother!” I smile ear to ear as B/N hugs me. “How have you been, how’s the wife?” I ask him. “Oh my gosh married life is great, we have had our downs here and there, but overall I love it and I love her” He radiates happiness. “Good, I’m so glad you’ve found your happiness” I say as we walk out to the airport parking lot. “Anyway, enough about me, how are you?” He asks as he puts his bag in the back seat. “Well, I’m sure you saw I’m dating Sehun, from Exo, and he’s great he makes me happy” I smile as I start the car and pull out of the parking lot. “Are you hungry?” I ask. B/N shakes his head, “Tell me more about him like how you two met?”

I laugh, “Well funny story actually, we met at a club and we had sex then we realized we really liked each other” We stop at a red light and I lean my head against the window. “I met the rest of the boys, exposed our relationship and then found out there will be a little us and now he’s on tour” I try to put the pregnancy announcement in the middle of the story so he hears it but doesn’t freak out. “Wait, what was that?” He asks. I chuckle awkwardly, “He’s on tour?” He shakes his head, “You’re pregnant?” He asks. I nod my head and put the car in park as we sit in my car outside of my house. “Wow, that’s great, Y/N” He smiles at me. “You’re not mad?” I ask. He chuckles, “Y/N, you’re 22 years old it’s time to make your life what you want it and if this is what you want then I’m happy for you” B/N gets out of the car and grabs his bag.

We walk into the house and I throw my keys on the side table. I show B/N to the spare bedroom, “You can meet him soon, he has a week break between tour dates and we have an appointment Friday to see what the gender is” I sit on the bed and B/N sits next to me. “I would love to meet the guy that makes my baby sister so happy,” He puts an arm around me, “Because god knows we didn’t have much happiness in our life before this.” I sigh and nod in agreement. My phone vibrates in my back pocket signalling Sehun texted me.

From: Sehun 12:47pm I come back tomorrow around 5:30pm

To: Sehun 12:47pm We’ll be there to pick you up :)

From: Sehun 12:48pm Can’t wait <3

“Well he comes back tomorrow so you’ll meet him very soon” I chuckle as I set my phone in my lap. “Okay, well what do you wanna do?” I ask. “Still have the Xbox?” B/N asks with playful smirk. “Hell yeah I do” I laugh and run to my living room. “GTA races or Minecraft” I ask as I throw him my second controller. “GTA so I can kick your ass like always” B/N elbows me playfully. “I doubt it, Sehun and I sometimes do nothing but race and I have won 17 times and only lost 4 times” I say as a matter of factly. We play GTA until our stomachs are growling louder than our frustrated screams. “Maybe we should get food” B/N suggests as he loses for the 15th time tonight. “It's 4:29 so yeah we might wanna get food” I chuckle.

B/N and I order pizza delivery and stay in and catch up on things in our life. “So what do you want the kid to be?” B/N asks as he eats the last bit of his pizza. “I feel like it will be a boy but I could be wrong” I shrug. “Do you see you and your wife having kids anytime soon?” I ask as I grab one more slice of pizza. “Right now, no but eventually yes” He nods. “Do you see yourself getting married to Sehun?” It's clear he scans my face for any negative reaction. “I do, to be honest, I especially see us together for a long while with our kid” I admit. “And yeah, it will be hard with Sehun being famous but we make it work now so I'm sure we will still be making it work later” I take a bite of pizza. “Well that's good” He pats my shoulder.

B/N’s phone starts ringing, “Hey it's the wife you wanna facetime her?” I grab his phone out of his hand, “Hey W/N!” She giggles, “Y/N!” We facetime W/N for an hour. We laugh, she tells how work is, and how her mother is coming to visit soon and stuff. “Oh W/N, Y/N has something to tell you” He says. “Tell me tell me!” She gets excited like a thirteen year old girl. “I am dating someone” I start. “Yeah, you were trending” She deadpans. “Well, you’re going to be an aunt” I smile. W/N squeals, “I’m so happy for you girl.” B/N and I say our goodbyes and then he ends the call and we say goodnight and head to bed.

-

I wake up to the smell of pancakes. I follow the smell all the way to the kitchen where B/N is making pancakes and eggs. “Wow, who are you and what have you done with my brother” I laugh as I lean against the counter. “No, but you’re pregnant so you have to eat good and healthy” He chuckles as he makes my plate. “So pour yourself some orange juice or water” He adds. “Yes, mom” I giggle as I grab a cup from the cupboard. “What time is Sehun getting here?” B/N asks as he sets my plate down at the table and makes another plate for himself. “I’m going to get him  around 5:30 tonight” I stuff eggs into my mouth. “I’ll stay and hang out here while you go get him, and I’ll intimidate him when he’s in my territory” B/N smiles as he eats. “Your territory huh?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Technically, yes” He laughs. I shake my head as I continue to eat.

After our morning routine we get into my car and drive to the mall for some shopping. B/N buys souvenirs for his wife and some hats. I buy Sehun and I matching beanies, a few t-shirts and a pair of jeans. “So do you have anyone to be with you while you're pregnant and Sehun is on tour?” He asks as we sit in the food court. “Not really, Mina is back to school so she wouldn't be able to check on me very much, you live in Busan, mom and dad don't talk to me, and S/N is too successful in life to acknowledge me,” I shrug, “I can do it by myself and it will only be four months, not like he's left me for good.” A few feet away there is some squeals. Then two girls come up to us and ask for a picture with me, and I say yes. “Thank you so much, take care of you and Sehun oppa” One girl says. The other looks like she's about to pass out, “You're so pretty.” They wave goodbye to us and leave us in peace.

“Is that normal now?” He asks with a laugh. “Yeah a little bit” We pick up our stuff and head home. The ride home is filled with loud singing, though I wouldn't call it singing it was more like screaming, to the radio. “Y/N, I have a question for you and I don't want you to get mad when I ask this” B/N says calmly. “Okay, ask away” I nod. “Have you thought about telling mom and dad that you're pregnant?” He questions. “I mean though we weren't on good terms I told them I was getting married and they even came to congratulate us” He adds as he looks at me with concerned eyes. “Honestly I probably should, I just don't think I want to right now, I'd like do tell them when I'm ready” I nod in content. “Just tell them soon okay?” He gives me a sad smile.

“Okay what should we do until 5:30” I sign as I plop down on the couch. “Racing?” B/N grabs his controller. “What, do you think you can beat me?” I challenge. “Hell yeah” He smirks at me competitively. We end up playing video games for hours. I have won 10 times and lost 9 times. “One more and then I gotta go to the airport” I say glancing at the clock. “Good, maybe I can tie us up” He clicks the start button. By the end of the race I lose and B/N does a victory dance around the living room. “Okay, you goon I'm going to go get Sehun, would you start dinner?” I pick up my keys and phone. “Yeah, good luck finding Mr. Idol” He disappears into the kitchen. I head out to the car and drive to the airport.

To: Sehun 5:23pm I'm here by Starbucks

From: Sehun 5:23pm I'll meet you there then

To: Sehun 5:24pm Can't wait Sehunnie ;)

I lock my phone, slip it into my back pocket and follow the signs to Starbucks. Sehun sticks out like a sore thumb because he's standing while everyone else is sitting. “Boo” I jab the sides of his stomach. “Jesus, Y/N” He jumps. “What I don't get a ‘hi Y/N, my almighty queen, I've missed you and our beautiful fetus these last three weeks’ or something like that” He chuckles and grabs my hand. “Hi, Y/N, amazingly beautiful girlfriend how have you and my beautiful baby boy or girl been?” He walks slowly to me then he strokes my cheek. “Three weeks was too long” I sigh looking from his eyes to his lips. He leans down to meet me in a kiss that was long overdue. “Let’s go home” I say as his lips lightly linger on mine.

“So where are the rest of the boys?” I ask as unlock the car. “They all went home to their families for the week” He throws his bag in the back seat. “That's great” I smile at him. “Yixing finally gets to go back to China to see his family and the boys are scattered around South Korea visiting their family” He buckles up and we drive away from the airport. “Where is B/N?” He asks. “He's at the house” I reply. “He's going to try to be intimidating, though he's really just a teddy bear” I laugh. “I'll pretend to be scared then” Sehun smirks. “B/N we're home!” I shout over the loud music. The music gets turned down and B/N pops his head out of the kitchen. “So you're the infamous Oh Sehun that is dating my baby sister” Sehun nods and holds his hand out for him to shake. B/N sternly shakes Sehun’s hand not breaking eye contact. “What do you think you were doing when you got my sister pregnant?” B/N crosses his arms. “Well, I clearly wasn't thinking because I was under the influence” Sehun and I both crack up which makes B/N cock his head at us. “Oh brother, you're not even a little bit scary” I pat his shoulder. “Come on Sehun let's get you unpacked before dinner” I walk towards my room. “Don't get too comfortable” B/N calls to us. “Oh we will” Sehun yells back.

“I think he likes me” He smiles. “I think he does too” I lay back on my bed. Sehun slides in next to me, “I missed you,” he whispers. “I missed you too” I wrap my arms around him. We doze off before we know it, but it's not too long till B/N is calling us for dinner. “So how's the tour?” I shove a spoonful of mac and cheese into my mouth. “It's okay, the boys and I get to see new places and talk to the fans and I love talking to the fans” Sehun takes a bite of Mac and cheese. “How's life at Y/N’s humble abode?” He asks. “Good, so far we are tied in wins on GTA races and we have gone shopping” B/N smiles at me. I return the smile, “We are 10 to 10 right now and the next to lose has to buy ice cream” I smile proudly knowing I won't be losing. “Have you shown him the last race?” Sehun raises an eyebrow. “What race?” B/N says curiously with his eyebrows furrowed. “Nope, that's my winning map” I smirk at B/N. “Well you sure beat me on that one” Sehun snorts. “What are we talking about” B/N looks between me and Sehun. For the first time in the last five minutes we both look at him. “I have a race that I know I can't lose at” I inform him. “Great, so I better get my wallet ready then right?” B/N chuckles. Sehun and I both nod furiously.

“We won't race tonight though,” B/N frowns at me, “Sehun is probably jet lagged so we'll be going to bed early tonight.” Sehun nods while B/N rolls his eyes. “Yeah because you two in one room with one bed means sleep, I totally believe that” He picks up his plate and walks into the kitchen. Sehun and I glance at each other and start laughing. We eventually clean up dinner and head to our rooms for the night. “Hey Baekhyun’s calling” Sehun plops down on the bed and I crawl over to see his phone screen. “Y/N buddy ol pal I miss you like crazy” Baekhyun yells. “Hey buddy” I scoot closer to Sehun so he can see me. “How's my niece or nephew?” He asks. “Good, growing and somewhat annoying” I say with a laugh. “You love it” Baekhyun chuckles. “How's Baekbeom?” Sehun asks. “Good, he and his wife are visiting my parents as am I” Baekhyun smiles. “Enough about me though, how's it feel being in the same house, no scratch that, same bed together again” Baekhyun teases. “It feels good” Sehun looks at me with a sparkle in his eyes. “I miss you, though” I say breaking my gaze with Sehun. “I miss you too Y/N, as do the rest of the boys” Baekhyun has a sad smile on his face. “Oh I'm telling my family I'm going to be an uncle later” He adds. “How it's like 8pm?” Sehun’s eyebrows are knitted together. “We are going to get ice cream in like 15 minutes” Baekhyun says.

Just then someone walks into Baekhyun’s room, “Hey Baek, we are leaving soon.” Baekhyun nods, “Oh! Baekbeom come back” He says quickly. “You remember Sehun right?” Baekbeom mumbles a yes. “He finally got a girlfriend” He tells him excitedly. “Is she cute? Does she know he-” Baekbeom says. “Hyung he's on Skype with her right now” Baekhyun interrupts. “Oh, hi Sehun, hi Sehun's girlfriend” Baekbeom says before leaving. Sehun looks terrified making me and Baekhyun burst into laughter. “That was close” Sehun manages to say. “Okay well I think we will leave this here, bye guys it was nice seeing you Y/N” Baekhyun waves crazily. “Bye Baekhyun” I smile and Sehun hangs up.

Sehun sighs plugging in his phone to the charger. I get up and change into one of Sehun's shirt and shorts. “How long have you had that?” Sehun laughs as I get into bed. “For awhile I guess” I look down at the shirt. “Well it looks better on you anyway” Sehun crawls towards me on the bed. “So I shouldn't take it off?” I suggest as I bite my lip. “Mm no you should because as good as it looks on you, it definitely looks better on your floor” He says in a low voice. “Then take it off” I say with a sultry look on my face. He does just that and more.

_

Friday

Not sure if it was because I was sleeping next Sehun or the fact that he tired me out again last night but I slept very good. I turn towards Sehun not opening my eyes yet. “Oh you’re awake” He whispers. I put a finger on his mouth. “Come on let’s get out of bed” He tries to get out of bed but I pull him back and cuddle closer. “Five more minutes” I say sweetly. “Y/N you’ve had me all week and yet you continue to cuddle me like I’m about to leave” He chuckles as he stops resisting. “Shh you love it” I say quickly. Sehun gives in and we both fall back asleep. We wake up for real an hour later and make breakfast for the three of us.

“Oh is this all for me” B/N says sarcastically. “No it’s for my growing child” I reply back. “Well damn” B/N puts his hand on his heart in a dramatic way. “We have the appointment today and she’s nervous” Sehun pats B/N’s back as to nonverbally apologize for my attitude. “Oh yeah you find out the gender today” B/N remembers. I sit down and eat while the two boys converse over video games and their stats. “I’m going to shower” I kiss Sehun’s cheek, put my empty plate in the sink and head for the bathroom. One of the reasons I’m nervous is what if our baby isn’t healthy, it’s a thought that goes through every pregnant woman's mind. It’s nerve wracking, but the shower helps me calm down. Everything is going to be okay I repeat in my head.

The drive to the clinic seems long and quiet, “What’s going through your head?” Sehun asks as he puts the car in park. I open my mouth but all that comes out is a weak whine. “I’m scared” I manage to say. “Why, baby” Sehun caresses my cheek. “What if the baby isn’t healthy y’know, like it’s a valid fear” I make eye contact with Sehun and he’s smiling big and toothy. “Yes, it is but how could something be wrong with our baby when you don’t drink, smoke or do drugs, you take you take your vitamins everyday, and you eat healthier” Sehun chuckles. “Let’s go find out what our baby is because I’m ready to know” Sehun says excitedly. “Wait Sehun what if we do a gender reveal, like we don’t find out today?” I grab his arm keeping him from getting out of the car. “Okay who would we give the envelope to?” He inquires. “Joonmyun, he’s been with us since the beginning” I suggest. “I like that I will text him after the appointment” Sehun and I exit the car.

The visit is almost exactly the same as last time the gel is cold, find the heartbeat, locate every body part possible, and of course despite my fear she tells me that my baby is healthy. “So are do we want to know the gender?” Doctor Jung asks. “Can we have you put it in an envelope? We wanna do a gender reveal party” Sehun speaks up. “Yes, I can do that” She smiles and wipes off the gel. She brings the envelope to us on our way out.

“Sehun, what should we do for a gender reveal?” I rub my tummy. This is real, this isn’t a dream, I am pregnant with Oh Sehun’s child. “Let’s see” He thinks. “You get back when?” I ask subconsciously rubbing my stomach. “December 22nd” He answers, “I have an idea!” I laugh at his sudden outburst. “Lightsaber will be a year old a month before that, so we will use lightsabers for the reveal!” He is now bouncing in his seat with excitement. “That’s perfect Sehun” I look at him for a long time with the biggest smile on my face thinking. I would not be this happy with anyone else. I didn’t have to know Oh Sehun, the singer, rapper but most importantly the father of your child, very long to know he was the one. And I hope he feels the same, little did you know he did.

Arriving home we were met with an anxious big brother at the door. “So boy or girl?” He asked furiously. “We chose to give it to someone for a gender reveal” I say. “Okay then give it to me so I can be that person, y’know I am your big brother” B/N laughs. “Sorry B/N, we picked Joonmyun” Sehun cuts in. “Oh well I guess I’ll go cry in my room now” B/N says sarcastically. “Listen, you will find out the gender when everyone else does, including us, but for now get gender neutral things for the baby” Patting his back to comfort. Sehun and I walk to my bedroom for a nap.

Sehun goes back on tour and I start counting down the days till he comes home in December. By then I will be seven months pregnant and showing enough for me not to be able to out in public. So I take advantages of freedom now while I can. Exo’s manager and I have been in contact since the boys left so we can start setting up the nursery and Sehun and I’s bed room in the new house. He is the only one that knows the gender of the baby besides Joonmyun. On the plus side the boys made a group chat for all of us to chat in, or at least some of us. Usually someone sends daily updates on how they are all doing, sometimes they will send pictures, or stupid memes. With the group chat it was a lot easier to tell them there that they are to get gender neutral things for the baby until the gender is revealed. I have also been in the works of making ‘Uncle Squad’ t-shirts for all the boys because they are going to be the best uncles, my brother included.

Speaking of my brother he is still living with me which is fun, but I can sense he misses W/N so I surprised him with her being here for three weeks. It’s been nice having them around so I’m not completely alone through out the pregnancy. B/N keeps bringing up meeting with my parents, which I considered since both him and his wife would go with me as support. After I long time of thinking it over and over and over today is the day I see my parents for the first time in 6 years.

“I’m nervous” I state sitting in the backseat of my own car, B/N and W/N in the front. “I don’t blame you, it has been 6 years” W/N understands what me and my brother went through considering she’s heard every detail from my brother. My brother gives me a sympathetic look through the rear view mirror. “I have to do this, I don’t want my child asking me about my parents and having to explain to them why they aren’t in my life” It sounded like I was explaining my reasoning to the two others in the car but I think I was just trying to convince myself this is the right thing to do. “I mean the most I am trying to get out of this is to at least be on talking terms, I would like to better our relationship but that will take more than an apology.”

The nervousness isn’t quite there anymore when we pull up to the fancy restaurant, that my parents picked to meet at. What I was not expecting was to walk in and see not only my parents but my older sister too. B/N wasn’t expecting either I assume from the complete shock on his face. We walked to the table and my parents stood to greet the three of us. “Y/N, B/N, it’s so nice to see you” Mother said in a pretty nice convincing tone. People around us watching the encounter would be fooled. Father waved to us but didn’t officially greet us. B/N introduced his wife to our sister because she had already met our parents at the wedding.

“So fill us in on your lives” My dad leans in as if I’m about to spill the biggest cup of tea to them. “Why don’t we start off with why I am here” I say sternly. “There is a lot of things going on in my life that I want my parents and older sister to be apart of but not until you realize what you, my parents, did to your youngest daughter and son” I start. Mother squirmed in her seat, I know I struck a nerve. Father remained unphased by my words. “Okay let’s talk” Mother says quietly. “You pushed us away, like we were nothing. And the icing on the cake was you paraded our older sister around to make us feel even worse than we already did. You turned her against her own family. Do you understand that?” I look between my parents sitting in front of me. “And you,” I turn to my sister. “You allowed it, you didn’t stop them because you loved the spot light” My voice cracks a little at the end almost as a warning of tears on their way.

“I just want to understand why you two did it. Who in their right mind does that to their kids?” The hurt is heavy in my tone of voice and I hope it helps get my point across. “An apology won’t fix everything that happened, but it’s a start and your mother and I are truly sorry,” Father finally speaks up. “We just wanted to set an example of how to achieve your goals and make it in life and I think we took it too far” Mother adds. “You think?” I scoff. “Y/N...we want to make it up to you now, if it’s not too late” Mother lays her hand on top of mine, though I am irritated with her I don’t pull away. “I want to fix things between us too because there is so much stuff happening in my life that I want you two and even you, S/N, to be apart of, but it doesn’t all just go away like that. It will take time and I’m willing to go through that if you guys are too” I grab my sisters hand too.

“That’s all we want” S/N says. “Okay?” Father says. “Okay.” The air is a lot lighter now that everything's out in the open, well not everything. “So Y/N, you wanna explain why you were on the cover of every tabloid for like two weeks?” My sister asks. “Yeah...about that” I laugh awkwardly. “Tell them, Y/N” B/N nudges me.

“I’m dating Oh Sehun from Exo but to me he’s not just Oh Sehun from Exo, he’s Oh Sehun my boyfriend, best friend and partner. We’ve known each other for three months which was more than enough time to get to know each other and get me pregnant” I laugh at the thought of our back story. It sounds like a raunchy story line for a movie. “You’re pregnant?” Mother’s jaw drops. I nod, “Three months and counting” I chuckle. “Which is one of the reasons why I agreed to finally talk with you guys after so long. I want you guys to be apart of the baby’s life.”

“Oh honey, that’s amazing!” Mother tears up. “Do you think he is the one, Y/N” Father asks calmly. “Yeah, yeah I do” The ear to ear smile is back on my face. “I’ve been staying with Y/N because she is alone at the moment while Sehun is on tour, but he did come home and visit her while on break and they are truly each other’s match” B/N pats my shoulder and gives me an approving look. “Well then I would like to meet this boy as soon as possible” Father nods. “When he gets done with tour we are having a gender reveal party and you guys are invited to come, if you would like” I explain suddenly feeling shy. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world” S/N says.

December 18th

I can’t help but walk through the big house, practically a mansion, in awe knowing it’s mine and I get to share it with nine amazingly nice boys, and my unborn baby. I finish some last minute things in the nursery before leaving the house and going back to my bland little home. I now have security guards for protection now that I am big enough not to be able to hide anymore. They go everywhere with me which is basically to my house or the new house. They stand outside watching for suspicious behavior around my house. Today they were acting a little weird but I brushed it off. Sehun comes home in four days, I think to myself. Nowadays he is the only thing on my mind, well other than getting this baby out of me and into this world.

I walk into the house and set my keys on the hook. I can hear B/N in the living room on the phone with W/N. Only a few more days until he can go home back to his lover and start a family of his own. I can’t lie though it’s been nice having him around, even when I’m moody and he is no help making it better. The walk to my bedroom seemed longer than usual, the framed pictures of me and B/N, me and Sehun, and  the sonogram picture are at the new house making the hallway a lot more bland. When I opened my bedroom door I did not expect to see a sleeping Sehun on my bed. But oh did he look so precious when he was sleeping.

“Baby” I sing trying to wake the boy up. “Sehunnie” I poke his sides which makes him stir awake. It takes a minute for him to realize his surroundings. “Dang it I wanted to be awake when you got home to properly surprise you” Is the first thing that comes out my boyfriends mouth. “Trust me I am surprised, you aren’t supposed to be here for another four days!” I exclaim shaking him. “No actually I am here on schedule, I lied to you so I could surprise you” He laughs. “I’ve had this planned with your brother for quite sometime” He adds. “Wow thanks B/N!” I yell to the guy in the living room. “You’re welcome” He shouts back.

“We have a party to plan and only three days to do it” Sehun says pulling me down to lie with him. “But first, a well needed nap” He holds me close as if to silently tell me he’s not leaving me for awhile.

December 22nd

Today is the day, the day where everyone is going to get together and find out the gender of my baby. It’s also the first time I am going to meet Sehun’s parents, and his to meet mine. We are officially moved in and living in the new house but everyone stays away from the nursery so they don’t get any ideas on what the gender of the baby is.

The boys have been getting us clothes and little things that SM hasn’t already provided us. They are almost as excited as me and Sehun. Life is becoming one big dream that I hope I never have to wake up from. “Y/N, and my little cantaloupe of course, ready for the day?” Sehun stands in the doorway of our master bathroom. I look in the mirror and the person staring back at me is the happiest person. “Yes, yes I am” I giggle running a hand over my protruding stomach. Everyone was standing at the bottom of the rather large, and expensive can’t forget expensive, staircase. Joonmyun, Minseok, Yixing, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Jongin all there staring up at me. “Now now, let's not treat me like I’m the queen making her big entrance” I joke as I descend the stairs.

“But you are, and you rock it” Minseok kisses my hand. “Kiss up” I wink. “Is there going to be a fight to the death on who’s the best uncle?” I ask looking at the eight boys staring at me. Just then the front door opens, “Good luck with that boys, I think the true brother beats all of you” B/N says. “Big brother” I call out giving him a hug. “Let’s get this party started?”

Despite the cold weather outside, we had a warm time inside with hot chocolate, cookies and of course you can’t forget cupcakes. Everyone is here now, Sehun’s parents, my parents, both my siblings and their significant others, and the boys. “Y/N someone wants to meet you” Sehun guides me over to his parents. They both light up at the sight of me. “Y/N, it’s so move to finally meet you” Mrs. Oh says excitedly. “Yes, finally put a face to a name” Mr. Oh adds. “She’s very important to me. I love her” Sehun looks down at me with the most loving look. “Well I would assume so considering you spent your break with her and not your parents” His father pokes fun at his son. We talk for a few more moments when my parents come over and introduce themselves as well.

“We should probably began the reveal”Joonmyun comes up behind me and Sehun. “Okay, let's do it” Sehun says excitedly rubbing his hands together. This is it I think.

“Can I get everyone’s attention, we are going to reveal the gender of the Oh-Y/L/N baby” Joonmyun announces.He pulls out two lightsabers from behind his back. “This year was the one year anniversary of Lightsaber so as the reveal, Sehun and Y/N will press the on button on the lightsabers, blue for boy or red for girl since they sadly don’t make pink lightsabers”Joonmyun hands the white lightsabers to us. Everyone has their phones out to catch this moment.

“Now wait were you going to reveal the gender without me?” Mina says on the entryway of the living room. I drop the lightsaber and waddle over to my best friend. “I’m so glad you are here!” I hug her so tight. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” She says, “Now let’s see what kind of baby you are having” She nudges me back to Sehun.

“3 2 1” We shout. Just then Sehun and I press the on button on the lightsabers light up to reveal the blue color. The room erupts into loud cheering, the boys jump on Sehun, and the moms and Mina come up to me and hug me. A boy...wow I can definitely say I wasn’t expecting that. “Okay before we start partying I have a gift for all the soon to be uncles” I announce. I go and get the nine boxes and hand them out to the boys and my brother. “Okay open them” The boys all open the boxes at the same time and unfold the shirt. They get all rowdy for the second time around.  The party goes on and we all calm down. The rest of the party all of us talk about names and so on.

March 29th

Waking up in pain is never fun, but this isn’t normal pain, it’s contractions, and its also 3:23am. “Sehun wake up” I shake him awake. “What, what’s wrong?” He sits up. “It’s time, he’s coming” I can’t help but laugh at how quick Sehun’s expression changes. Suddenly he’s running around the room like a headless chicken. He’s speaking incoherently as he grabs the hospital bag and decent clothes to change into. He then tosses an outfit to me to put on with a ‘Hurry I wanna meet my son.’ This is the first time I’ve ever seen hims so alert in the morning.

As I walk downstairs and to the car Sehun is banging on everyone of the members bedrooms to wake them up too. Sehun comes outside and hops in the car, a few of the boys follow him out and get into our car or their own car. The ride to the hospital is short and we get checked in quickly. “Y/N you’re surprisingly already dilated to a five” Dr. Jung says as she enters the very spacious birthing room. “It says you only want Sehun, His mother, and your brother in here when you begin to push is that correct?’ She asks me. I nod in response currently going through a contraction.  Sehun helps me breathe through a few more contractions before Dr. Jung comes back into the room to give me the epidural.

“Your baby boy seems to be ready to come out” She says thirty minutes later. Now it’s just Sehun, His mom, and B/N in the room. All the boys and my parents are sitting in the waiting room. I start pushing and everyone encourages me telling me the progress I am making. After six long pushes, Oh Jaemin is born weighing seven pounds five ounces and 19 inches. Sehun cried, I cried, hell everyone was crying. After everything calmed down the boys came in pairs three’s to see Jaemin. A lot of them cried too, especially Joonmyun, Chanyeol, and Jongin.  

One Year Later

Sehun’s POV

It got out quickly that Y/N and I had a kid once they saw us leaving the hospital a few days after Jaemin’s birth. Today is his birthday, he is one now and still the best thing to ever happen to me and Y/N. We all get dressed and head to the ice cream shop downtown to enjoy some ice cream as a family in celebration of Jaemin’s life. Jongin, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol tag along too. I held Jaemin as Y/N fed him vanilla ice cream, his favorite flavor, I think he got that from me. Baekhyun and Chanyeol snap pictures and post them to Instagram. Y/B and I make birthday posts about Jaemin.

Instagram

We head home to start setting up the birthday party in the huge back yard of our house. All the families are going to be there to celebrate and hang out. We are on the last couple months of the Exo’rdium tour and we have this little bit of time to be at home with our families. I may also have something planned for the last concert.

We barbecue up some hot dogs and hamburgers, pour some lemonade and bask in the nice weather. Y/N brings out the cake singing happy birthday. I hold Jaemin as he blows out the candles, really I do it. “Let’s eat cake!” I call. Everyone gets cake and sits around to talk and play with Jaemin.

“Sehun Y/N, when do you two plan on marrying?” Y/N’s mother asks. In the corner of my eye I can see her father perk up. “Soon,” I speak up. “With me being on tour and Y/N taking care of Jaemin I think we sort of forgot but I am working on it” I place my hand on Y/N’s knee. My parents and hers give us approving looks. “I’ll hold you to that” Y/N and her father say at the same time. Shaking my head I laugh.

May 28th

Today is the last concert for Exo’rdium, it’s sad to be honest. But everyone is here for us and we are so ready to give them a show. We start with a high energy MAMA remix to get the crowd hyped up. After a little we all sit down to do our acoustic moment. My Lady is first, I run back stage to fetch Y/N and Jaemin. Did you think they wouldn’t be here? Watching their boyfriend and dad on stage? I carry Jaemin out on stage while holding Y/N’s hand leading her to where the rest of the boys sit.

Jongdae takes Jaemin as Y/N and I sit in front facing the crowd. The boys start singing My Lady as I hold onto her. After a minute they sing quieter as I pull her to stand up with me. “Y/F/N, you’re my lady, the mother of my child and the love of my life. But most of all, my best friend. We’ve had so much fun raising Jaemin but we’ve also had some pretty hard times and the fact that we’ve overcome each and every one of them proves that we are meant to be together. Will you make me the happiest man and marry me?” I’m now down on one knee ring in hand and Y/N is tearing up.

“If you say no you’ll have some pretty unhappy exo-ls on your hands, isn’t that right exo-ls” Baekhyun calls out. Exo-ls yell yes back to him. “Of course I will, Sehun” She says and I pick her up and spin around. The arena erupts in happy yelling. “They’re getting hitched!” Jongdae yells. I kiss Y/N ever so passionately. We carry on with the rest of the acoustic part of the show with Y/N and Jaemin on stage. In fact she got to see me sing some of Baekhyun’s part in ‘Sing For You’. And I guess you could say the rest was a happily ever after.

#exo scenarios #exo smut #exo fluff #sehun scenario #sehun smut #sehun fluff #oh sehun #sehun #exo sehun

[thoseofgreatambition]

ftb bonus

Warnings: anxiety, touch starvation

Wordcount: 5K

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

A/N; Hello! So as we’re moving on in this I’ve realized that I haven’t shown much of the readers past, which is on me. So I’m calling this a bonus chapter but it does stand on its own and could be called a prologue of sorts if you would like. I hope you enjoy! Also I tried a more ‘normal’ style of spacing, so please tell me if y’all like it!

LIAR {PT 1} | 1.9 K

ROSE COLORED {PT 2} | 2.6K

LIAR LIAR {PT 3} | 3.3K

DUTY {PT 4} | 5.3K

BONUS CHAPTER 1 BONUS CHAPTER 2

                       BONUS CHAPTER | FTB | FERRO

You hadn’t been allowed to see Fred and George for years. Well—your older sister Marie said it was only a week, but to you as a five year old, it felt like an eternity to not see your best friends. No amount of crying or pleading had been able to help, and your father had been all to ready to stay home with you instead of taking you to the burrow to follow through with yours and the twin’s punishments. “This is what you get Y/N—you’ve got to accept punishments when they come. You can’t just go around encouraging the twins like that and getting them into more mischief.” You’d sniffled, tiny hands balled into fists. Tantrums never worked—so you hadn’t bothered throwing one, but that didn’t change the fact that you were a child who wasn’t terribly good at handling emotions like this yet. “We didn’t mean to break anything.” “I know you didn’t.” he’d leant back in his chair and lifted you into his lap, bouncing you on his knee. The details on everything were still a bit fuzzy—but your parents, along with Arthur and Molly knew two things. One—you’d joined in with the twins on a prank, and had urged them on. Two—the Weasley’s garden had almost entirely caught on fire before any adults were able to put it out. So separation was deemed the most appropriate punishment. Apparently the twins were just as miserable as you were. “Sometimes you’re going to do something that winds up being very bad when you don’t mean it to be. When that happens you have to accept what comes, alright? That’s the grown up thing to do, to admit you did something wrong and learn from it. Alright?” That wasn’t something you understood just yet—but you’d nodded anyways. Wasn’t that what you did when your parents told you something new? “When can I see them?” “Tomorrow.” When you perked up your father laughed and pressed a kiss to your temple, “What are you going to do when you see them?” “Say sorry to Aunt Molly.” “And?” At that you paused, not sure how to respond before very tentatively—“No pranks?” “Atta girl.” Soon enough the next day came and went—you’d helped the twins clean out the garden some more, though between three five year olds that hadn’t done a lot of help. All seemed well though at the end of the day. You’d been able to build a fort out of blankets in their room with them, and worked through some of the biscuits that George had managed to knick for you three. Fred’s head wobbled as he tried to stay awake, before finally hugging his rabbit and dozing off. You were fairing a little better, though not by much. “’m tired, Georgie.” “Do you wanna go to sleep? I can get you my blankie.” You nodded and quickly George had crawled out of the fort before coming back in with a tattered baby blanket that you hugged close before lying down next to Fred, George squeezing himself in as well. “’s that better?” “Mmhmm. Thank you.” You grinned at him as he giggled sleepily, the edge of his blanket balled up in his fists while you hugged the other end. “G’night.” “G’night, Y/N.”

“Do you always have to get in trouble like this?” You frowned at your sister, who’d graced your family with her presence now that she’d graduated from Hogwarts and moved to America. Was it possible to think sarcastically? Somehow you’d managed it. After your mother had died your sister had been in Hogwarts already and decided to stay. Now you were onto your fourth year, she’d come back, and your brother was about to start his sixth. Not bad, but it was not fun getting chastised by someone who didn’t know what it was like in America. Your fingers felt cold as your gut began to boil, “Did I miss the point where you became head of the family overnight? They were being rude.” “You can’t get into duels! You’re not even in your fourth year yet! Do you know how hard this will be to sort out?” “Alex got into way more trouble—“ “You are not Alex! And Alex was punished too.” Your lip twitched as you looked up towards her. “He said I was a bitch.” “And he’s an asshole, but that’s not worth going to jail over. Or risking getting kicked out of school.” Your sister crouched down, so she was eye level with you in your chair, “There are ways to handle things like this. You don’t need magic, and you won’t get in trouble for it. But you need to learn to control your temper. No more getting into fights. No more picking arguments. People need to see you act good, you have to do it for the family and it’s going to make things easier for you when you’re older.” “I don’t think I’m very good though.” Your voice was soft, a bit afraid to admit this out loud. “I keep getting mad, Marie. People keep writing things about me and they don’t know me at all—“ your hands wrung themselves together, unable to put it all together. You felt so lonely all the time. You felt like a pretty set of china that was taken out to be used and then put back away. Your family kept talking about duty and being strong but how were you supposed to do either? You were the third in line. The odds of you becoming head of family depended on either your siblings dying or stepping out before having any children. Quite unlikely. Your sisters grip was firm on your hands, and though you’d felt so much resentment for her just a little while ago you couldn’t help but realize that there was no one else besides her and Alex who knew what you were going through. “This is a hard family. It’s going to ask a lot out of you. That’s why you’ve got me and Alex. But we can’t keep you safe from everything, okay? That’s why you need to start listening to us and learning as fast as you can. Do you understand?” You thought you did—you thought that this meant just learning to control your tongue and your wand. That seemed easy. That seemed alright. But it was more complicated than that. It always was.

Your aunt smiled at you as she held an arm around your waist and guided you through the party. “Now I want you to meet the boy I was telling you about.” Brow furrowing, you couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. “Auntie if I don’t like him—“ “That’s fine! If you don’t hit it off with him that’s okay.” She rubbed your arm a bit, before looking at you with bright eyes, “But you’re getting to be a young lady now. You’re in your fifth year. I just want you to get introduced to some nice young men so you know the kind of people who will get on well with your family.” Something about that didn’t settle right with you, though you couldn’t put your finger on why. Perhaps it was because of the redheaded boy back in England, where you’d spent your last summer. The way he’d passed on your blanket like when you were kids. How he’d seen how cold you were, and hadn’t made you stand up like you were a statue. How you didn’t need to hold your head all the time. George was in England though. He was in Hogwarts. You knew for a fact from Fred’s letter that he’d gone on a date last week. Why hold on? It was fine. You looked towards the young man that your Aunt pointed to, surprised to see someone from one of the French pureblood families you’d met a little whiles ago. He’d been rather kind—and you’d had a good time speaking to him. Perhaps this wouldn’t be too bad of a thing. Your lips pursed in thought as you felt you aunt rub your arm once more, “If you don’t want to do this it’s fine. I can bring you back to your sister.” At least she seemed to know the people you would get along with, you mused. “No. This is alright.”

“Y/N.” Alex stood at your bedroom door, leaning on the frame—looking at you with an odd amount of sadness that you couldn’t understand. “Are you alright Alex?” Your brow furrowed, as you looked up towards him,  this was not the upbeat brother you knew. This was not the man who managed to hold himself with poise no matter what the situation. “I’m going to step out of line. I don’t want to be in the running for head of family.” You blinked, feeling… well, you weren’t sure how to feel. “Alex you’re amazing at this stuff. We’ve been taking lessons for years—“ you’d been taught how to speak French. Taught how to play piano. Taught how to run a business. Taught how to run expenses. Lessons on how to read people and use that to your advantage. You’d spent your whole life being shaped into the perfect heir despite it being unlikely you would, and you knew the training was far more intensive for your brother. “Don’t you ever think about how it could be different, Y/N? About how you could live a normal life? You could hide away and not be photographed anywhere. You could do what you wanted in public. No one would care.” As you stared at him blankly, your brother recognized you didn’t understand him yet. How could you? You were just sixteen. Not yet graduated. The only times the media was intensive on you was during the summer and that was so easy to shield you from. “You’re going to understand it one day.” Your brow furrowed as you bristled, you were starting to get rather sick of hearing that.” “I don’t think I will, Alex.” “Then good for you. It bumps you up to next after Marie. You can get what you want then, and so will I.”

The first time it’d happened, you’d flinched. Fred had looked at you in concern, immediately withdrawing his hand from your head. “Are you alright? Did I tug on your hair?” Quickly he checked his hand. He didn’t think he did but he supposed there was a chance. “No I just wasn’t expecting it.” Fred blinked and stared at you. You’d come to visit after you’d graduated, and was staying at the flat with them above the shop. He and George were sharing his room and you were sleeping in George’s. You’d been telling him about the Quadpot player you’d just broken things off with and how you’d come to get a bit of a break for a month or so. He’d wanted to show he was there for you so instinctively he did what all Weasley’s did. He’d ruffled your hair. “Are you—are you alright?” thinking back on it, you’d gotten much less affectionate in the years since you were children. Long gone were the days where hugs were the norm and being close to people was extended beyond greetings. Even now, when you two were hanging around on a Saturday, you’d held yourself upright as if someone would whip out a camera at any moment. There was no relaxing you. Again, you stared at him blankly. “I’m alright. I feel quite normal.” “So you just don’t like being touched? Aside from your family or—“ well, now probably wasn’t a good time to bring up a boyfriend. What was with the questions? You didn’t get it. “It’s not that I don’t like it, but I don’t get it much. Don’t you just touch people when you’re saying hello or goodbye?” Dumbfounded, Fred shook his head. “Why wouldn’t you touch them more?” “It’s not…” you thought back to it, and after a few moments was able to verbalize things, “Well, if I’m out and someone sees me doing that with others, aside from my family it turns into an ordeal. They’ll think I’m with them. It doesn’t seem terribly worth it.” Fred’s first thought was that this explained why the media had dubbed you ‘An Ice Queen’. His second thought was that it was rather unkind to think of you that way. “I guess I just don’t get it—“ he laughed a bit, trying to make light of the situation. “You and I were raised pretty different, you know?” There was a small nod from you, you certainly didn’t understand. Affection was shown to you by action, not words. Not touches. You knew your family loved you because they were helping you become a healer. You knew that they could tell you felt the way by the hours you spent to help them with their own causes. To do otherwise felt oddly superfluous.

You’d come to England the moment the war was over. The moment you could get away from your family’s grasp. The second you’d gotten George’s letter you’d booked a flight for that night, the expenses be damned. You needed to be there. The burrow was quiet, at three in the morning, and when you apparated in you weren’t sure what else you expected. Your heart felt like it was in your throat and all you could think about were the horrible things you’d read. George’s ear had been cut off and you hadn’t known! Fred had almost been crushed by a wall. There had never been an issue with you being composed, you’d been taught so well to swallow down fear, anger and sadness to turn them into strength and righteous fury to harness power for gain that you’d never had to worry about it. But right now there was nothing to gain and you were painfully aware of how much you could have lost. You heard footsteps, and spun around to see a very worn out George in front of you. Pale and looking like he’d seen so many horrible things since you’d been away. Hands trembling as he stretched them out, a silent invitation that you gladly threw yourself into. Arms tight around him, threading through his hair. Quickly pressing kisses to his cheeks as he stumbled backwards to catch you both. “Are you okay? Georgie are you alright?” You hadn’t used that nickname for him in years, but it was the only one that would come to your lips right now. Your fingerpad traced over his scar where his ear was and you let out a small whimper—“Did that hurt? Does it still hurt? When did it happen?” “Months ago.” His voice was muffled as he pressed his face against your neck, breathing in your scent as he soaked in your presence. He’d been so focused on the war that he’d honestly forgotten about how he felt for a short while, but now it felt like he was going to crush underneath the weight of it all. Desperately, you traced your hands over him—he was shaking so much and you simply wanted to keep him warm. “Are you alright then? How’s Fred? Oh you’re shaking let’s get you to bed—“ “They said he’d be okay.” His grip on you didn’t lighten, and the way you were trying to keep him warm only fueled his ache. He’d been so happy to forget about you when he’d found out you were dating some heir to the Graves fortune. But now there was no forgetting. Really he ought to have been untangling himself from you but everything hurt so much and he was so scared and tired of constantly trying to act well for Fred. “I don’t want to go to bed yet. I want to stay like this for a little while longer.” “Okay.” Your voice was soft, as you returned to petting his hair, shocked by how soft it felt beneath your hands. “We’ll do anything you like, Georgie.” He rubbed circles on your back, soaking up all the warmth you were willing to give him. “Thank you.”

George watched you curiously. It’d been a few months since you’d come to England after the war, and you’d stayed longer to volunteer at St. Mungos and help those who’d been more seriously wounded than Fred. Honestly, he’d been so grateful to have you back. When Fred had gotten out of the hospital you’d visited almost constantly whenever you could to help nurse him back to health. It was wonderful to see you so much. He’d been surprised that your family was letting you be gone for so long but you’d simply laughed at that question. “Georgie—they’re your family too! We grew up together. You used to call my Mum and Dad ‘Aunt’ and ‘Uncle’. The Weasley’s are part of the Y/L/N clan—you ought to remember that.” It’d brought a smile to his face. This did not. He was used to the way you carried yourself. The way you stood up straight, the way you moved so gracefully that even your hands seemed that way. So it was quite odd to see you doing the same with someone who was dating you. Jack. George hadn’t wanted to like him. He’d expressed his distaste to Fred that he’d be coming over to visit you, but now he’d found himself getting along much better than he would have liked with the man. It was stunning really. Jack carried himself a lot like you did—spine straight, an easy but careful smile on his face. A remark that was crafted to make everyone laugh. Oddly though he still seemed quite genuine. He’d asked George for some funny stories about you as kids. He’d laughed heartily when George had said that you’d once set the garden on fire. He’d thanked Molly very dearly for the meal she’d invited him to and come with a bottle of wine and flowers as a thank you. Jack was a good man. George was a little annoyed by it to be honest, though that didn’t mean he wasn’t starting to consider Jack a friend. Which made him feel very guilty about the fact he was in love with you. Very guilty indeed. As a result he’d kept a fair distance, careful to only show you as much affection as Fred did. Fred wasn’t the one in love after all, and whatever amount he did would be fine. So when Jack left Fred and George’s flat that night, giving you a rather rote peck on the cheek goodbye before apparating away, George couldn’t help himself. “He’s a good guy— I’m glad you met him.” You’d smiled a bit at that, though it wasn’t very wide. Almost as if someone had told you the weather would be pleasant tomorrow. “I’m glad you two get along. My Aunt’s really happy that I’m with him.” “I can see why.” George grinned at you, as the record Fred had set up before going to bed played a slower song. “C’mon miss princess. Show me how to dance.” You’d laughed, and the smile on your face seemed easier and more genuine as you strode over to him and placed one hand on his shoulder and took his other up. “Shouldn’t you already know how to do this? You’re 21 years old.” “Mmm, not all of us go to balls all the time, you know.” You shook your head, smiling until George had asked what seemed like a rather innocent question. “So do you love him?” Was it wrong for him to ask that? George simply wanted to know if he ought to just give up and move on. He couldn’t say he didn’t understand if that was supposed to be the case. “My family loves him. We get on well. Agree on almost everything. I’ve gotten to be really close to him the past few months, and it’s gone smoothly even though we’ve been apart.” It’d been ideal actually, even being separated from Jack hadn’t been too much of a bother. The letters had been more than enough. George’s brow furrowed, “But do you love him?” “Isn’t that love?” He froze, your movements ceasing, “That’s not love… Love’s wanting to be near eachother, it’s kisses and saying kind words. You can’t just get along. I mean that’s really important it’s what that’s built on but—there’s got to be more, Y/N.” You stared up at him, unable to deny two things. One, that sounded more amazing than anything else you’d ever heard. Two, the person you wanted that from and felt that for was George. You swallowed thickly, more than a bit confused. “That doesn’t make for a good match though—“ you felt quite defensive about your choices right now, unsettled as the realization you were in love with George came crashing upon you. “Is making your family happy all that matters then?” that sounded terribly sad to George, and it made the ache in his chest double. “Do you not want that?” “Just because I want something doesn’t make it important. I mean I wanted to keep being a healer but when I’ll be done with that when I get back to America.” “Y/N—if you want love there’s plenty of people who’d be lucky to give it to you. You’re too wonderful not to get it if you want it.” He watched as your expression changed from confusion to dread and understanding as you figured out what his words meant. George was in love with you. Quickly you stepped back, and flattened out your clothes. Your calculating self quickly returned, and the warmth in the room began to fade. You would not lend him any more of your warmth. You were a lot of things. You were dignified. You were strong. You were determined. You were proud. You’d been called many different names. Princess. Birdie. Ice Queen. There’d been one scathing article after you’d performed what could only be described as a morally grey political move, a ‘Pit Viper’. However you were not a cheater. You were loyal. You knew the value of hanging to those close to you and what dedication truly meant. Sure you weren’t in love with Jack—but you’d be damned if you began to cling to someone else when you were dating him. “I’m going to leave now, George.” “Y/N I’m sorry—“ Your lip twitched, and you felt sadness that was becoming all too familiar to you well up in your throat. So much of your life had been spent scrounging for kindness and affection and making peace with the kind that your world allowed you. It’d been so nice, the couple of months you were here to get it so freely and frequently that you weren’t surprised by it anymore. That couldn’t be the case now though. The kind thing to do would be to tell George it was alright. That things were fine. However you were human, and you didn’t want to lie. Didn’t want to say it was fine when in less than three minutes he’d revealed just how happy you could be if things were different. He looked like he was waiting for you to give him that peace of mind, but you couldn’t. Couldn’t excuse him for this. With a silent nod, you apparated away, back to the Nest where you’d grown up and Jack was waiting for you.

Jack’s idea of love was the same was yours used to be. Someone who you could spend your life with amicably. Someone you got along with. Someone your family was pleased with. No surprises needed. Just someone who you could raise your own family with and be content. So this was confusing, you tapping your foot on the ground as you sat much closer to him than you usually did, aside from when you two had relations. That didn’t seem likely at the moment though. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.” How was this happening? You’d been so fine with how things were before but now you kept aching for warmth. Stealing it from others wasn’t cutting it anymore. You wanted that easy affection that came when you were in England. Those friends of yours who showed how they cared through soft touches that were instinctual. “I’m not happy, Jack. I want to be in an affectionate relationship.” He stared at you blankly, as if you were speaking a foreign language to him. “Am I doing something wrong then?” He’d been loyal, he’d helped you when you asked for it. He’d taken you to nice places and did his best to bring you things randomly that you might like. That had always been affection to him. “No just—you’ve seen how other people are right? How they hold hands and kiss each other all the time.” He reached out and set his hand atop yours, not sure what all of this was about. It was warm, and soft, but he couldn’t really say he was getting much from it. “Like this then?” Jack was trying. You saw that. However you also saw that even if you continued on this route that it would never be what you wanted. It wouldn’t be the easy type of love that you hoped for. “No. Not like this.” You gently took your hand away and Jack realized that he no longer understood you.

The media had a field day when they’d found out you’d broken up with Jack. It had been a veritable circus. There’d been so much speculation that you didn’t want to go outside anymore. People wanted to know how the perfect power couple could break apart so suddenly and you didn’t want to admit it was because of you. Because you’d come to realize that you couldn’t be as happy as you thought your life could make you. So you’d come to England. Fled there really—written a short letter to George and Fred, they’d certainly already read about it but despite everything they were still your closest friends. Though things with Fred had gotten more tense than they were before. George couldn’t help himself from coming to visit as soon as you’d landed. He’d found you standing in the middle of your childhood home’s living room—surprisingly put together for someone who’d been on a twelve hour flight and had only had time to shower. He was fairly certain it was the way you held yourself, as if you were ready to give a proper speech in front of a waiting crowd. George stared at you with what you recognized as pity, though refused to acknowledge. “Do you know why my family always has at least two children, no matter what?" "Why?” his voice was soft as he stared at you– as you stood in the middle of your living room. White walled. White marble on the floor. Icy blue furniture. The moonlight sucking up what little warmth there would have been. “You’ve got the heir. And then you’ve got the spare." His brow furrowed, "You’re the third born." You shrugged, seemingly undisturbed by all of this– it was your life. It was your reality. You were going to make the best of it all. "Anything past the second is the worst case scenario." His hand twitched to reach out and hold you, but as you finally looked back at him he realized that it wasn’t the moon that had sucked up the warmth in the room, but you yourself. Without touch how were you to keep warm? "I’m not here to wallow. I didn’t leave for England because I was scared or because I wanted to run away. I came here for myself. I came to be more than the third born. I’ll make the best of things, and I won’t take pity, George." He toed a strange line between intimidated and inspired, and it was all George could do to nod. You were glowing. You were lit from a fire within. You’d told him once when you were little that your family’s motto once translated to English was ‘Fire and Iron’. Now he could see why. “About Jack—“ You’d let out a small snort of laughter, amused that he thought that was important right now. “Let the past be the past. I don’t know as much as I thought I did.” At that he took a step towards you, ready to defend you from yourself if need be. “You are plenty smart—“ The smile that came to your lips was impossible to contained, touched that he was still so keen to protect you even after all that had happened. It made you want to return the favor all the more. You weren’t ready for him yet, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t start to be more careful and aware of how you were around him. George deserved someone like that. You thought back to the time you’d egged on the twins and wound up setting the garden on fire. To when your sister had chastised you for getting into a duel. To when your brother had resigned. You had never understood when those things had happened, had been confused when you realized you didn’t know what you thought you did. You didn’t want to keep being that person. You wanted to open yourself up to being wrong. Couldn’t you do that? Couldn’t you allow yourself to do something that people might not like? “Smart people are wrong all the time Georgie.”

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