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haylanmakesstuff · 2 years

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Day 47-52

My last two days to discover and adventure in Sequoia National Park were dashed on the rocks. I thought I would be sad to miss out on so much – and in some way I definitely was – but I was also tired, hurting, and sick. As I mentioned last post, I had a restful day reading, eating, and napping – something I rarely can do, and have to be desperate for. I did manage to do physical therapy at my site, which was nice being in the cool temperatures and surrounded by tall trees. I sewed on a felt stocking and listened to true crime podcasts like any solo female traveler would while in the woods on a dark mountain all alone. I did manage to draw a picture, as I promised my nephew I would mail him one:

On such a lazy day, it may be the right time to share with you a few things I’ve found that have made my traveling much easier. Number one would be these food grade produce and dish wipes.

Although I am a Master Educator in outdoor ethics and teach people how to properly wash their dishes in primitive places without damaging the land or wildlife, I tend not to have the energy it takes to do these things while on my own, so I have to find a way around it without breaking my own ethics – remember, ethics is what you do when no one is watching. I found these wipes and have been SO impressed by them I will give them my number one MII (Most Important Item) Award for camping. They clean extremely well, have minimal waste, and mean people are less tempted to leave food scraps near their site, restrooms, fire pit, etc. Though effective, they are also small, so they are easy to pack out of your camp and use anytime!

Next would be this great Chuckwagon that Husband got me shortly before I left. Instead of using a bin, this Chuckwagon keeps all my dishes, wipes, pots, pans, utensils, etc. in one easy to get to and carry place. And it’s colorful too! Definitely saved me energy and many, many trips walking from picnic table to car.

Inside the Chuckwagon is this little kettle that he surprised me with from H-Mart. This may seem like an odd thing to put on a list, but this little guy was great (other than when I melted part of the handle the first time I used it…whoops!). This meant I always had a designated place to boil water quickly, which while camping, is invaluable.

I also relied on Ensure (or similar) brand nutrition drinks. This is an easy way to get food energy when my appetite suffers due to medication side effects or dysautonomia. I found this specific Cinnabon flavor *actually* tasty.

I’m sure there are many other things I could recommend to you, but as to not bore most of my audience, always feel free to reach out to me if you are a beginner camper, need travel advice, park advice, or want to learn more about how to be a good steward while enjoying our natural world.

The next day, 48, it was time to pack up and head out. Some people made it weird by showing up to my campsite at 8:30am (check out isn’t until 11:00am) and literally walking around it, talking about where their families’ tents will go. They then parked in front of it, sat in their car, and watched and waited until I packed up and left. Although this was beyond awkward, and quite frankly, rude, I decided I wasn’t going to speed it up one bit. I wasn’t going to purposefully take longer, but as much as I wanted to scream and run for the hills, I decided not to. I could tell they were getting antsy since I had to finish breakfast, pack, and hook up the camper. As soon as my back tire was out of the site, they were already driving into it. This is really confusing to me, as only 2 other sites in our section of the campground (about 10 sites total) were COMPLETELY empty!

To break up the drive today, I stopped somewhere I saw on my Nat Geo adventure atlas that I hadn’t previously known existed; Cesar E Chavez National Memorial. I am so glad I did! The staff was so nice, and I learned SO much here. Largely recognized as the most influential and important Hispanic leader in the US, Chavez worked peacefully to unite migrant, minority farm workers to create the first agricultural union, fight for the rights, higher pay, sanitary conditions, and more, through peaceful protest, hunger fasts, eloquent speeches, and more. The grounds include his small town of La Paz, a fully functioning town and sanctuary for his people, his garden, gravesite, and memorials.

I earned what I see as a very special Junior Ranger badge here since I learned so much about someone so important, that wasn’t really taught in the schools where I grew up in Texas, even though our Mexican and farm worker population is quite high. This badge is dedicated to every single one of you that helped me raise my goal for the Ehlers-Danlos Society. We raised most of one of their research grants that will work to resolved patient suffering, disparities in diagnosis, and more. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Your outpouring of support, emotionally, virtually, and financially, was deeply touching and still is today, at the tail end of this trip. This also goes out to all of you who have read this blog and traveled with me on this journey! I was surprised at the amount of people who have told me they have been reading and following along on the highs and lows of this journey. Thank you for taking the time to learn about my adventures, and this condition that has befallen me.

I was a little too excited about taking a bath tonight, but the water would have been warmer had I picked any pond off the side of the road to take a dip in. I had a fitful night of sleep, then back on the road for the long drive home. Still trapped in the 55 mile per hour cap on California highways, the days stretched on into eternity. I have now entered back into Dante’s 15th level of hell, where the temps have risen to over 100 again. At one point the transmission fluid got too hot and I had to pull over to let it cool. I sure am missing the Pacific Northwest already.

Stayed at Homolovi State Park in Arizona, and although my view was a nice barren field of grass, I got to watch wild burros soodling about. Got out at night to get ready for bed and a coyote was nearby and startled me. Then it just started yipping. When I looked into the field, I just saw its glowing eyes bounding through the field, looking at me.

Day 50 dragged on. I can feel I’m definitely on the anti-climax of this trip. I waited in the morning at the Homolovi visitor center. The ranger had stepped out and left a note they’d be back at 9:05am. At 9:30am she showed up and was SO grouchy and just about rude, I have to wonder what terrible morning had befallen her. She told me there was no Junior Ranger program when I asked. I remarked, “Oh, I saw you had one on your website,” to which she responded, “Well, we are out.” I looked around the museum and eventually she started digging under the desk and asked how old my kids were. I told her that it is actually for me. She looked at me in disbelief, quit rummaging around, and plopped down at her computer and typed very, very hard. A type I know well from working in a call center with lots of unhappy people. Well, sorry everyone, no Junior Ranger badge to earn here! It bums me out when a ranger thinks that people are too old to learn or have fun in the parks. I didn’t have opportunities to do things like this as a kid, so I do them now. As a ranger myself, my oldest Junior Ranger was 98 years old, and I was honored enough to give him his first badge and patch at Crater Lake. Please, don’t let grumpy rangers ruin your time; you are NEVER too old for learning or fun.

Here are all of the Junior Ranger badges I earned during this trip alone! It is but a fraction of how many I have since I started earning and learning in 2010.

The best thing that happened the rest of today was a big ol’ banana split – a key to my heart. I stayed at Santa Rosa Lake in New Mexico again and got in too late to go swimming at Blue Hole down the road. I have been before but didn’t get to swim. I was a place people often mistook for Balmorhea State Park in Texas, a place I used to work and volunteer at for a long time. Right at 8am, a guy left his site and came to an empty one near mine to practice his violin. I actually quite enjoyed it, but I have to question the decision in general.

What an uneventful day, with zero banana splits, all the way to Abilene, Texas. Before I know it, it’s day 52, the very last day of my trip! I was so excited to get home. Having worked seasonally, away from home, pets, and Husband frequently, I am always excited to come home, but there is always a marked sadness that I’m leaving something I really enjoy, too. This time I think I was so tired I didn’t have that. I want to put on a long plush onsie and lay on the couch and hug my cat. Of course, the phone service went out leaving me with no maps, so have you heard about our lord and savior, Nat Geo Adventure Atlas?

As I pulled into my house, there were 4 white tail fawns with an adult doe lounging and eating. What a welcome home! I’ve also never been greeted so voraciously by a cat in my life. Husband greeted me with a pile of gifts he had collected for me, a “Let Fall begin NOW!” package of curated items that means, in fact, that fall is here even if it’s still 99 outside. What a great welcome back from these two perfect creatures I call home.

Here are all the patched I got during this trip; I also collect patches, which are more common to find places than Junior Ranger programs. I’m starting to run out of room to put my collection, the entire thing is getting big.

I guess I can’t help but notice this trip ‘starts with a flood and ends with a trickle’, as the sweetest Regina Spektor has said. Thanks to modern medicine and physical therapy, I have done more on this trip than I thought I was able to do – more than I have been able to do in YEARS – but I still had to put the breaks on when I pushed it too far. I found out that difficult last alpine lake hike I did was just over 7 miles. That is nothing by old standards, but it’s gargantuan by todays.

I thought I would be really sad at my burn out at the end of the trip; missing out on my last finale hike in Mineral King, but oddly I’m at peace with it. I did what I had to do to take care of myself, and that’s alright. I go back to Texas to a litany of doctors’ appointments and procedures to continue to try to be the best me I can be, even if it’s not who I used to be. I truly hate the saying “it could always be worse” because it invalidates our very valid experiences, but I want my readers to know that this condition could be worse than I have it, and that’s one reason I wanted to raise awareness and funds. Some are wheelchair bound, others have feeding tubes or ostomy bags, permanent mobility aids, and more. And I know anyone of these things could be in my future. Even with a tad of an inside look on this blog, there is still a lot you don’t see; the constant medicine, the downtime, the pain, it doesn’t translate, but it’s heavy. That’s why I need to live life while I have it, and why you should too. No one ever things that chronic illness will happen to them, but it happens to all of us eventually, even if you’re lucky enough for it to be nothing more than old age. Don’t be afraid to adventure, especially if you are meek or a solo traveler, or a woman, or a minority, or disabled, or any one of the many things that puts up a roadblock to accessing adventure, travel, and happiness.

¡Si, Se Puede!

Haylan

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adiduck · 7 months

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Chapters: 1/8 Fandom: Top Gun (Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell & Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Tom "Iceman" Kazansky & Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw & Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw & Tom "Iceman" Kazansky Characters: Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, "Dagger" Training Detachment Aviators (Top Gun) Additional Tags: Time Travel, Complicated Interpersonal Relationships, Mentions of Cancer, Chronic Illness, Hospitals, Established Relationship, get-together, (yes both), Tom "Iceman" Kazansky Lives, Period-Typical Homophobia, Self-Discovery, Texting, Use and Abuse of Aviation Terms, Unrepentant Fawning over the F-14 Tomcat, Reconciliation Summary:

“How do we know the pre-selected one-seaters will be able to fly the mission?”

Cyclone and Warlock look at each other. “They have been selected, as you were, Captain, for their experience in similar missions. Their situation is… unique,” Warlock explains.

“They’re black ops?” Maverick asks. “Because otherwise I don’t know that there are any active naval aviators who can fly this.” Besides me, he doesn’t say. Again.

“Not anymore,” Cyclone allows. “Are you familiar with Operation Groundhog?”

(Or: The Navy has decided to solve its problems with Time Loop technology. Certain parties decide to solve a few other problems with it, too.)

Here we are! This baby has been three months in the oven, and I'm pleased to announce it is ready for your viewing pleasure! We will be posting on Sundays, unless I am busy on Sundays, in which case we will be posting Mondays, per the poll on tumblr that I posted LOL

As always, it takes a village for a fic like this, so I want to thank the Beta Team for their amazing assistance: Asuka, Hawkey, Jordan, Henley, I would not have gotten here without you. 💜 Similarly, I want to thank Serie and Cy, who cheered for me tirelessly throughout, and all my friends on Discord who very patiently read all of my snips and did not kick me out of the server for being annoying about it. I hope everyone who has been looking forward to this novel-length fic enjoys it!

Finally, the title of this story comes from a song by Joni Mitchell called, depending on the time of recording, either Clouds or Both Sides Now. Here at the beginning, I recommend you listen to this version.

#icemav #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #operation groundhog au #both sides now #top gun #cancer cw #chronic illness cw #hospitals cw #spicy content #time travel #okay okay okay here we go!!!

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youngchronicpain · 2 years

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I was in Las Vegas recently with my partner and we were going around the city. I had a drink in my hands. And, as a wheelchair user, I just knew that a stranger was going to try to make a bad joke.

Of course, I didn't have to wait long.

"Are you allowed to drink and drive?" laughed an older woman as she passed.

I usually just give people a mild smile and move on. But this time, I was mentally prepared.

I decided I would say "You owe me 5 dollars! Every person that says that to me today owes me 5 dollars."

And I did!

The woman stopped in her tracks and grabbed out her wallet.

"I'm sorry. I only have a 20, will that work?"

I waved her off.

"You're okay, I just hear it a lot when I'm out trying to enjoy myself and it can get tiring."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize." she said, looking embarrassed.

And off I went!

I was really proud of myself. Little things like that take time to have the confidence to do. It was empowering. I don't have to fake laugh at jokes made at my expense that aren't funny. Give me 5 dollars for even having to listen to it!

#wheelchair user #disabled #chronic pain #ambulatory wheelchair user #travel #chronic illness #disabled travel

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whilereadingandwalking · 9 months

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Reminiscing back to Argentina, the first big trip after becoming chronically ill, and how proud I was of myself at every hurt and med-induced mood swing and bright spot and hard spot and ache and stretch and break and self-love.

#chronically ill #chronic illness #bookworm #bookish love #bookish travel #patagonia #reading while wandering #reading while wandering argentina

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trans-axolotl · 10 months

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thinking about either using a cane or forearm crutches again bc the summer has honestly been super bad for me! i didn't think i was heat intolerant but i just get fucking exhausted and dizzy and unstable every time i go outside in the heat.

still adjusting to which symptoms are longterm and which ones actually did go away. turns out not all of them went away like i thought and my doctors are like "yeah these ones are longterm <3" and that's been a bit of an adjustment this summer. realizing that even though my health is a lot better than last summer and that i can do many more things again, i still have bad days + days where I overexert myself and also that i just can't handle the heat!

#personal #i think that a cane is prob what i'll go for but also i loveeeee the stability that my forearm crutches gave me #chronic illness tag #i traveled this week and im exhausted now. would like to be less exhausted

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songbirds-grimoire · 2 months

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Praise be to Dionysus!

Lord of madness and wine

Patron of theatre and debauchery

May your warmth spread to my soul

May your spirit stir within my heart

Let the good times roll

Blessed be!

#witchcraft #divination witch #eclectic witch #pagan witch #pop culture witchcraft #death witch #oracle #the traveler #chronic illness #hades #dionysus #dionysos #Dionysus prayer #totally not tipsy rn

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wangxianficrecs · 1 year

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The Wild Geese's Tomb by The Feels Whale (miscellea)

The Wild Geese's Tomb

by The Feels Whale (miscellea)

T, 66k, wangxian

Summary: Lan Zhan dies two years before canon and promptly wakes up in the library at Cloud Recesses right across from Wei Wuxian, napping facedown in a pile of copywork. He has a lot of questions. Is this the afterlife? If it's not, then is he alone with his memories? And most importantly, what does he need to do to keep his soulmate alive this time? Wei Ying did not stir as he knelt down by the desk. It had been so long since Lan Zhan had seen those beloved features and even longer since he’d been allowed to either get or stay this close to Wei Ying. He looked so different from Lan Zhan’s memories; apple cheeked, clean, and relaxed. Lan Zhan clamped both hands over his own mouth to stop the pained noise that threatened to escape him. Hot tears spilled down his face as he watched the young, safe, and whole boy sleep. His stomach cramped with the effort of holding the sound in, but he’d sooner die than wake Wei Ying up.

Mojo's comments: I was interrupted so many times while reading this that it took 3 days and I cannot do it justice. I did tags, though! Anyway, it's a delightful time travel fix it, wherein lwj dies and opens his eyes to his student days. Slowly, he determines that a handful of other people came back, too, all of whom died before him. He and wwx team up, try to tweak events, get together (lwj died during the 13 years, so there was no established relationship). Meanwhile, there's a mastermind somewhere, pulling strings, putting everyone in their places (meng yao shows up as a student and gets a new arc, focused on lxc of course). Great thoughts on musical cultivation, yin iron and resentful energy. (Also, Madam Yu and Meng Yao get to do a bitch-off, which is very satisfying.)

xiyao, time travel, fix-it, temporary character death, all women live, pov lan wangji, cloud recesses study arc, introspection, depression, waterborne abyss, pining, getting together, protective siblings, first kiss, chronic illness, mental health, marriage, good lan qiren, good meng yao, happy ending, cultivation theory, genius wei wuxian, powerful wei wuxian, sect politics, @thefeelswhale

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

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crazycatsiren · 8 months

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Me, in a mega flare after a week of traveling: I regret NOTHING!

#disabled #spoonie #cripple punk #disabled traveler #chronic illness warrior #chronic fatigue warrior #chronic pain warrior

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consider-your-potatoes-mashed · 1 month

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Okay so I’m heading back to school after spring break and my trip was AMAZING like seriously I loved it but wow I’m in so much pain now from everything we did. I had rest time and most days were laid back but damn even still. I made the mistake of bringing neither my crutches nor my braces with me because I thought they’d be a nuisance rather than helpful but I have definitely come to realize that any potential level of nuisance-ery is far less than the helpfullness of them. I hopefully won’t make that mistake again.

On another note screw the stairs you have to take up to a plane sometimes. Those are so wobbly and steep and long. And oh my my knees wanted to CRY.

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magically-maddie · 4 months

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I was writing for kicks and giggles and ended up rambling in my notes, so I'm throwing it (the very edited version) into the void. Bone app the teeth.

Today's subject: my hatred of hotel rooms. Even "accessible" hotel rooms. ESPECIALLY "accessible" hotel rooms. Bitch what do you mean the bed is a foot above my seat cushion and it's fixed to the wall? What the fuck do you expect me to do??? A fish flop face first?? It's absolute madness to travel as a wheelchair user with paralysis and encounter the complete worst accessibility. What do you mean, you only have hearing accessible rooms? What do you mean, only your hearing accessible rooms have two separate beds? What do you mean, your accessible bathroom stall has grab bars but can't fit a wheelchair inside? What do you MEAN???

I'll break it down under the cut for the curious and/or nondisabled people.

Hearing accessible: A hotel room set up for deaf and hard of hearing people. Usually has a combination audio/light doorbell and flashers on the emergency alarms.

Hearing accessible rooms and beds: For some odd reason, throughout ALL of the hotel chains I've stayed with, the only two bed "accessible" rooms they have are hearing accessible. It's like they never considered that disabled people are more likely to travel with a companion or caregiver and may not want to sleep in the same bed as that person. Or may not want to relegate that person to the pull-out couch.

"Accessible" bathroom stall: Don't ask me why, but I've encountered so many bathroom stalls that have grab bars and are slightly larger than average but can't fit even a very compact wheelchair. (More often in sports venues, schools, and airports, for some reason.) Grab bars do not constitute accessibility. Basic accessibility is a stall sizeable enough to fit a large wheelchair and an additional person. Great accessibility includes hoists/lifts and much, much more space. Grab bars do not equal accessible stall.

Disclaimer, I'm a person with a high lumbar incomplete SCI. I am fairly independent in activities of daily living and these are only my experiences. But damn if these don't make me think about how someone with higher support needs, a carer, a power wheelchair, or anything but a manual wheelchair and some ability to transfer would have to do. The world is so fucking insane when it comes to accessibility.

#the fish flop works for me. unfortunately. it's absolute madness and it takes me like five minutes to get upright but it works. kind of.#can you tell i just got home from a trip? i just got home from a trip. WHY IS THE WORLD LIKE THIS.#disability #disabled #accessibility #wheelchair user #chronic illness #travel #spinal cord injury

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fruitybashir · 3 months

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hey i was going to say this anyway, but now that I've seen someone actually being rude to you, just gotta stress it:

you do not know how grateful I am to you for writing such wonderful wonderful words every week. I am also so very happy that you're getting a lot of appreciation from so many people (well deserved 🥰)while I can understand that it's super motivating for you, to see so many people love your work, to write more, it can also be a bit of pressure (but depends on you ig)

you mentioned being sick and not being able to write some weeks ago. you're a working adult with bills to pay and this isn't something you're obliged to do anyways. pls don't strain yourself, take enough rest. if you're behind on a chapter or if it's going slow, I'm sure we can all be patient!

In joker out's words, "no waiting, no gain" :)

thank youuuu 🥺🫂💖💖💖💖💖

that is so so so sweet of you to say thank you so much <3333

dont worry, the only pressure on me is the one that i place on myself (weekly chapter) and thats honestly bc i suck at finishing things so i have to keep a schedule that is strict enough that it keeps me constantly engaged instead of slacking off, but still lose enough that i have some leeway (some days i write more and some days less etc) and so far thats beeb working out pretty well! im impressed and surprised by myself hahaha!

and all the comments and your sweet messages and all keep me sooo motivated and i cant wait for everyone to see it all come together in the end 💖💖💖

#also yeah my health has been funky lately but thats 🤷🏻‍♀️ i have chronic health issues and sometimes it just kicks up a notch and then #calms down again #lately has been really. 😬 annoying and frustrating tbh for the most part lol #buuuut ill get through it and ill be fine and theres gonna be better days soon ♡#thank you sooo much for your kind words and concern it is soooo appreciated <333 #inbox #i miiiight actually have to skip a chapter next month bc ill be seeing joker out ×3 and to do that also travel home to germany to visit #my family hehe <3 so i might be a little preoccupied for a week and a half but we'll see if i get a burst of energy before that maybe and #prepare chapters for upload or whaaaatever. we'll see ✌🏼#invece-sto-sdraiato

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haylanmakesstuff · 2 years

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Day 45-46

Today is my first day to go south to the Sequoia National Park side of the complex. As deliciously slow as the Kings Canyon side was, I expected Sequoia to be much busier, but it really wasn’t too bad. I have felt funny all day though. I slept in trying to make myself feel better, had a high calorie breakfast to bring my strength up, but just couldn’t shake the shakes. My first stop was the General Sherman tree, the largest tree in the world.

Remember how important precision of language is here, that it’s the ‘largest’, because it’s the tree with the most mass. The tallest trees, NPS says, are actually it’s cousins the Redwoods (regular sequoias as opposed to these giant sequoias.). I feel fortunate to have seen both types of trees on this trip so far.

I made a grave mistake by assuming I needed the exercise and should walk the paved, downhill .5 path to the tree, when I could have just taken the shuttle. I took my time though and had a lesson in how terrible people are. The trail is literally 9-10 feet wide and paved. There is enough room for everyone, especially the two 20-something young men walking towards me. We could split this trail evenly while passing each other and have more than 3 feet a person, but they choose to man-spread abreast the trail, refusing to move over as I pass. Not only that, but since they were staring at my cane, at which this point is in the dirt off the trail because they can’t be bothered to move over, I know they can see me. I had to pass this dude with literally inches to walk on, turning my shoulders sideways as not to get body checked. I just don’t get people.

I have noticed that when I don’t have the cane, people say hello and how are you, and sometimes will even start a short conversation, but when I have my cane, I am a ghost. The most interaction I get is when people look away quickly so I don’t see them staring. Beyond that, I am avoided, except for that people think they can walk through ghosts. People accidentally kick the cane but don’t apologize. Stand blocking doorways and when they realize they just move out of the way awkwardly, saying nothing. I don’t mind being a ghost, in fact I prefer being a ghost in public, but I do mind the implication that someone who is seen as disabled, or different, is lesser and isn’t acknowledged. Although the implication bothers me, I find the cane like a stronger version of a wedding ring; it’s man repellant. I’ve yet to have a man say or do anything nice or uncomfortable to me when I have the cane, whereas I started wearing my wedding ring full time again because it’s only 80% effective as man-deterrent.

I went to the Giant Forest Museum, but had to walk from the overflow lot, although a short distance, it’s through a hot, wildfire scoured section of the forest and my sick feeling was intensifying. If you don’t know me well, let me fill you in that I’ve gotten these sick spells since I was 15 years old. I get dizzy, hot, clammy, cold, uncomfortable, brain fog, unsteadiness, and eventually will either throw up and/or pass out. I have received very little to nonexistent help from doctors on this issue. The furthest I got was that it was hypoglycemia (opposite of diabetes, chronic low blood sugar), so I poked myself with a needle for 10 days to monitor it, per doctor’s orders. When the results came back that there was no issue, they decided I was fine. There was no, “well, it’s not this, so let’s send you to someone else who can see what it is,” or anything. That was it. I didn’t have hypoglycemia, so I must be fine. Never mind that I still have had the same issues for 15 years at that point. Passing out while standing in line for a movie is totally normal. Throwing up down your sleeve at work because you can’t make it to the bathroom fast enough is totally normal. Having to lie down on the ground at a friend’s wedding so I don’t embarrass her by passing out, like I did at a mall once, onto someone’s table of food, nonetheless. It’s not hypoglycemia, so I must be totally fine. I get angry when I think of this. This issue was the first sign that something wasn’t right with me, and was systematically ignored for 22 years, and technically, still counting.

I have learned to cope with it on my own with diet, rest, and avoiding heat. All of that helps, but it doesn’t always make any difference at all. Some days my body just feels like Aaron Kelly’s Bones and there’s nothing that can be done. After my Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder diagnosis from a rheumatologist in 2021, I learned there is something that almost always comes along with it called Dysautonomia, where your faulty connective tissues from hEDS means your autonomic nervous system and amygdala part of your brain are not made of sturdy material and do not function properly. All the sudden the passing out, heat intolerance that has gotten 10x worse, anxiety disorders, metabolism issues; all of it started making sense. I have started treating my mysterious ‘not-hypoglycemia-condition’ as Dysautonomia and have seen major improvement. I still have been unable to get any medical treatment though. Figures, right?

Sorry, I’ll pull you back from my tangent, when I was finally at the Giant Forest Museum. It was hotter than expected inside, and as stupid as it sounds and as much as I feel like a total whining weenie typing it, I was feeling quite suffocated by my mask and all the people around. So, I left. The only seating outside is large rocks, and although only a few of them had actual bodies on them, most of them were filled with people’s shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes. No one offered to move their inanimate objects so I could sit. I crawled up an embankment and found some shade under a tree to rest and cool down. I eventually made it back to the car, slowly and surely, trying not to throw up on the magical trees.

I had more I wanted to do, but I felt to sick I just grabbed a few groceries, ice, and a pint of gelato and called it a day. My dream of a campsite that’s been my fortress of solitude, now had neighbors. I’ll never understand why when an entire, huge campground has every site but one open, people will set up in the site right next door. It’s a version of urinal syndrome, I suppose. They weren’t bad neighbors by any means, I will just forever be perplexed. They do it in bathrooms, parking spots, movie theaters. If there’s one group in the movie theater, I’m always going to choose the seat pretty much as far away from them as possible. Same with a campsite. Can anyone enlighten me on this human behavior I don’t understand? Why come to the middle of nowhere and crowd up against someone when we are all here for the universal outdoors experience of nature and solitude.

I was supposed to get up this morning, on Day 45, extremely early and have my grand finale day of the trip to Mineral King, a high elevation and stunning portion of Sequoia, before I have the long driving days that will take me home. Problem is, I could barely sleep. I stayed up well past 2am just staring at the camper ceiling and putting my eye mask on to trick myself that it was time to sleep. I have had insomnia for a long time, but this trip has been blessedly restful, full of sleeps and dreams that I haven’t had in years. Last night was back to terrible. I finally looked at my clock at 6am and realized there was no way I was getting up in 15 minutes and driving three hours down and up a mountain for anything. Just as my insomniac pattern has always been, after 8am I start sleeping great. I woke up at 10 and knew I couldn’t sleep the day away, even though I wanted to.

Truth is I think I’ve hit my limit. That final hike to Weaver Lake did me in, and not resting enough the next day has put me over my threshold. By the time I recover It will probably be time to use my energy on the long drives east across the country. There won’t be a final hike to somewhere beautiful to celebrate my trip of independence. There won’t be a final alpine lake to dip my toes into, to prove to myself that I can still do these things. But that’s ok. I’m spending today at my campsite, sitting in a hammock. Reading books. Typing this update. I am watching the chipmunks and chickaree squirrels doing their daily chomps and chases. Tomorrow, my last day at Sequoia Kings Canyon National Park, I may do the same thing. Enjoy the nice weather. Enjoy being outside without melting into a wet spot on the pavement. Without passing out on someone’s Taco Bell.

Haylan

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