#wake up love simon not all gay people are your friend and on your side but theyre still hashtag valid

[delta-orionis]

i wanna hear about the simon aroace beam pls

(Tumblr is apparently trying to silence me because this is the second time I'm writing out this answer. Anyway.)

I already made a post about my aroace Simon headcanons several years ago, but I'm more than happy to talk about it again. (Also I'm not sure if you specifically ever beat SOMA, so you're probably unfamiliar with some of the points I made in the aforementioned post. I'll do my best to explain.)

(Continued under the cut)

Simon is an interesting character because he's an everyman. I often joke about how he's Just Some Guy who's having the worst day ever. He's had a pretty average life (aside from the recent loss of his friend and traumatic brain injury), and it doesn't come up often in the text of the game. He brings it up sometimes, but it isn't the focus of his dialogue. He was thrust from an unremarkable life in 2015 into Undersea Robot Hell and is forced to make some serious decisions about the fate of the human race, so he has other priorities.

His characterization as an everyman combined with the fact that we don't actually know a lot about his life before the events of SOMA make Simon a very easy character to project your own experiences onto. This makes him a good fit for a video game protagonist because it makes it easy for the player to relate to him. It also means that it's easy to fill in the blanks of his characterization with your own ideas. I've personally seen lots of different interpretations of his gender and sexuality; I've seen people headcanon him as straight, gay, bisexual, etc etc. His gender is also an entire can of worms; I've seen people make compelling arguments that he's a trans man, a trans woman, and even nonbinary and agender.

Anyway... this was all preface for my thesis that Simon is aroace. The easy explanation is that I, an aroace person, find it easy to project my own experiences on to him in a way that makes sense to me. I've talked to a few other aroace SOMA fans about this, and they've agreed. (This is what I mean by the aroace beam. I simply enjoy headcanoning characters I like as aroace, because I, too, am aroace. I'm hitting them with my beam attack. Metaphorically. I've now rendered the joke unfunny by explaining it.)

(Side note- there's a running joke in the SOMA server I run that many SOMA fans are asexual. There certainly are a number of them in that specific server, however this also might be confirmation bias, because I haven't done a fandom-wide survey or anything like that. It also might be because I promote the server heavily on my blog, and as an openly aroace person, I probably have a statistically significant amount of aspec followers who are then compelled to join the server I help run. More research is required, I guess.)

The longer explanation for this headcanon is that, within the text of the game, Simon doesnt' appear to be very concerned with sex or romance.

In the dream sequence at the beginning of the game, Simon tells Ashley he wants to tell her something, and she responds with "please don't make this weird". A lot of people tend to interpret this as Simon working up the courage to tell Ashley he has a crush on her. The scene ends abruptly before this can be confirmed. However, there are a few unused voice lines in the game files that extend the scene a bit. Simon was originally supposed to say "I'm sorry" to Ashley before the dream ended. This implies that he wanted to apologize to her for involving her in the car accident that ended her life, not confess a crush.

There is another dream sequence later in the game, the context being that Simon is under the influence of the WAU and is being shown an idealized version of his life. He sees Ashley, alive and standing in his apartment, where she declares that the two of them are in love. Simon seems confused about this and wakes up shortly after.

I will admit that this scene implies he has romantic feelings for her. However, in the post I made a few years ago, I talked about how a common experience for a lot of aroace people is not being able to distinguish between different types of attraction and how this can lead to aces convincing themselves that they have a crush on someone when what they really desire is a platonic relationship:

I think what sells it the most for me is that, during the dream sequence with Ashley, when Ashley tells him that they’re a couple, he sounds confused. You could interpret this as general confusion (he doesn’t know how Ashley is suddenly alive again or why they’re suddenly in a relationship), but I like to think that he’s conflicted about his feelings for her. He knows he wants to be close to her, but he’s not sure if being a romantic couple is exactly what he wants. If the dream sequence is supposed to be an idealized scenario, then why is he conflicted about the thing he supposedly wants?

Simon strikes me as the type of guy who isn’t super informed about LGBT stuff. He probably knows a little bit about general LGBT stuff, but maybe hasn’t learned about asexuality, or he doubts that it could apply to him. He might think that, because he wants to be close with Ashley, that the next logical step would be a romantic relationship, even if his feelings are actually just platonic. (I know from personal experience growing up asexual that I would sometimes invent crushes on people, when in reality my feelings were just platonic and I actually just wanted to be their friend. From what I’ve heard, this is a common experience for a lot of aro and ace people from before they learned about asexuality/aromanticism.)

I recognize that this interpretation might be bending canon a bit. Occam's razor would imply that he simply has a romantic crush on Ashley, but that's no fun.

SOMA is a game that is, overall, pretty uninterested in exploring romantic or sexual relationships. It also features two main characters of different genders (Simon and Catherine) who develop a strong platonic relationship over the course of the game. I, personally, find it a breath of fresh air, especially when a lot of science fiction and cyberpunk stories have a heavy emphasis on sex. (I'm definitely not bitter about all the weird sexism present in cyberpunk novels like Neuromancer, for example...)

I suppose it makes sense, then, that the game would have a sizeable amount of aroace fans. I personally think there is something inherently queer about the game- although not explicit in the text, transhumanist stories like SOMA can be read as metaphors for queer experiences. Questioning one's identity and humanity is something that a lot of LGBT people do on a regular basis, so it makes perfect sense that they would relate to a character from a game exploring those topics, albeit through a science fiction lens.

Anyway. Very, very long story short, I hit Simon with my aroace beam attack because I think it's fun. He means a lot to me and I like thinking about him.

(Don't get me started on what I think about his gender. He's got so much going on in that department and absolutely no time to come to terms with it all. That's a post for another day.)

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I hope you enjoyed reading, etc etc. I'm going to go back to rotating Simon in my brain now.

#asks #girlfriendsofthegalaxy #exploding tumblr with my mind because it deleted the original version of this post #anyway this is 1.2k words. enjoy #soma #soma game #simon jarrett

[shirtlesssammy]

3x14: Long-Distance Call

Guys! We have a special surprise next week!! (Hint: We finally get to recap the gay angel episodes again!) Until then, enjoy our last episode for season 3...

Then:

Sam’s saving his brother no matter what

Now:

On a stormy night, a man drinks alone, contemplating life. His phone rings. It’s Linda. Ben tells her he can’t. “My wife.” He hangs up the phone. It rings again. Linda pleads with him. She loves him. He hangs up again. The phone rings AGAIN. He slams it down repeatedly and tears it from the wall. IT RINGS AGAIN! Damn, Linda, you are persistent. To stop the ringing, Ben pulls out a gun and shoots himself. 

Dean tells Sam they have a case. Sam tells Dean that they’re on a case --his. Dean balks at that because they’ve got nothing. Bela’s gone, the Colt’s gone, and Dean would rather work a case they can solve than wallow in his imminent death. 

They head to Milan, Ohio. They head right to the dead guy’s house and interview his widow. She’s a little belligerent but tells them that there was blood everywhere (Oh, that’s why she’s belligerent), favorite scotch was out, and the phone was ripped from the wall. 

Sam asks to look at the crime scene. He goes through the caller ID. Dean asks about strange phone calls. She admits that a couple weeks prior she picked up on a call that Ben was on. It was static. No one was there. 

Research time!

Dean finds out that “Linda” was Ben’s high school sweetheart --and she died in a car accident. On top of that, she was cremated. On top on top of that, Sam discovered that the caller ID on the phone traces back to a phone number used a century ago! (I presume Sam did all that research while he stared out the window.) 

They head to the bowels of the phone company to find fly infested, porn addicted Stewie. I’m going to skip over all this but will laugh at the ad that said “Order now & receive a bone-us gift!” Sam asks Stewie to trace the old-time number. (Natasha: flames on the side of my face at this damn offensive porn franchise.)

Dean pulls out the threat level 5 on the guy and the guy finds some results. There’s different houses that all received a call from that number. 

Sam heads to investigate one house. He poses as a phone company employee. He asks about strange phone activity. The man that answers the phone says that they haven’t had any issues. Sam notices the daughter looking concerned in the background. 

She pops outside to call his bluff. She wants to know why he was asking about the phones. He gives her a little give and she admits that she’s been talking on the phone with her mom --who’s dead. 

Dean checks in with similar stories. Then he gets a call. It’s the static-y voice of John Winchester. 

Later at the motel, Sam wants to know more about Dean’s call. Dean gets all nervous boy about it possibly really being their dad, and what they should do about it. What should Dean say? Sam, ever the pragmatist, suggests, “hello.” It’s funny, but I guess not really because Dean walks out on his brother. 

Dean comes back with a reason why things are happening here. It’s the birthplace of Thomas Edison, and there’s a museum with Edison’s spirit phone. 

They take a tour but the phone doesn’t have any EMF. They’re stumped as to what’s happening. 

Later that night, while Sam slumbers, Dean stays awake to answer his phone. John calls again. He asks Dean how he could sell his soul. “I was looking after Sammy like you told me to.” (Boris screams into the void) John tells Dean that the demon that holds Dean’s contract is in Ohio. 

Meanwhile, the daughter from earlier is IMing a friend when she gets a message from her dead mom. The mom says she wants to see her. The girl is scared but her mom reassures her that she’s with her. Then the girl’s computer flickers out and in the reflection of the monitor, we see the girl and her mom. 

The next morning, Sam returns from interviewing Lanie, the haunted daughter, to find Dean obsessing over demon omens. He shares his intel with Sam. 

Dean’s pretty sure the demon who owns his contract is following him. I pull a Dean voice to say, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” only Dean’s actual line in the show is “My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.” God. This show. Sam tries to tell him that the demon-killing exorcism that John gave Dean over the phone might not be as advertised. Dean’s a believer, though. He’s got faith in John! (Just gonna take a li’l writing break to tear at my hair.) 

Sam heads back to watch over Lanie, but before he goes the Winchesters hold an emotional shouting match. Dean’s ready to stop the demon from coming after him once and for all and thinks that Sam’s reticence is just more head-butting with their (now dead) dad. Sam accuses Dean of having “blind faith” towards his father and I weep. Sam leaves with one request: that Dean stay put until he returns from seeing Lanie. So. That’s going to go well. 

Lanie explains to Sam what’s been going on - that her mom’s requests have extended beyond the normal grieving cemetery visit. We cut to a young kid playing in his room. His toy phone rings. “Hi, mommy!” he chirps. 

Cut to Dean “Single Man Tear” Winchester sitting dramatically by his phone. It rings. 

Lanie reveals to Sam that her mother’s ghost told her to kill herself. When Sam hears the ghost’s catchphrase, “come to me,” he realizes that they’re dealing with something else entirely. 

While Sam experiences revelation, Dean heads off alone following his dad’s orders. f r o w n y f a c e. He ends up in a quiet, suburban home.

Meanwhile, Lanie’s brother Simon (of the toy phone fame) has gone missing. Sam saves him just in time from getting pancaked by a truck. As soon as the kids are buttoned up back home, Sam calls Dean. He tells him that a crocatta is after the people of the town. It’s a scavenger that lures grieving people and eats their souls. It tends to dwell in filth. Dean recalls the flies at the phone company, so Sam heads out on a hunt. (Meanwhile, YES, Dean’s off having his own questionable adventures, setting demon traps in a nearby house.)

Sam calls Dean for backup before assaulting Stewie, the phone guy. “I know what you are and I know how to kill you,” Sam says to the terrified guy. Someone looms behind Sam with a baseball bat. It’s Clark, the manager! He takes out poor soft-headed Sammy. Unfortunately, Clark takes out Stewie too. 

They both wake up tied to chairs inside the building. Clark kills Stewie and then fangs out. He unhinges his jaw and sucks out Stewie’s soul. Yummy? Clark then lays his hands on the phone console...because it’s time to kill Dean!

Elsewhere, in a police locker room, a man’s phone rings. It’s his daughter. “I know who killed me, daddy,” she says. The girl’s voice tells him that her killer is at their house right now. 

Clark explains to Sam that spoofing John Winchester was incredibly easy. All he had to do was find their phone numbers, then John’s old numbers. That let him listen to voicemails, read emails, and easily find the weak links that led him to target Dean. Oof. (Side note: a crocatta would make a seriously amazing private detective in an alternate Supernatural where monsters have better meal restraint.) 

Dean stands ready at the suburban house - ready to kill a demon. The grieving officer heads home, ready to kill his daughter’s murderer. 

Dean’s jug of holy water is met with an angry father with a shotgun, so things start out really well. They quickly devolve into a dirty fist fight. 

Meanwhile, the crocatta continues to villain-monologue at Sam.

Technology, Clark says, makes it so much easier to target people. They’re connected - yet isolated and easier to pick off. (I scoff at this overdone oversimplification of the role of “technology” in society. I hate when people try to pretend the past was trouble-free.) Sam finds his argument weak as well, and punctuates that by breaking free of his bonds and attacking Clark. 

At the house, Dean disarms the grieving cop and reveals the demon trap below the carpet. He starts reading out the exorcism. To his horror, the guy walks right out of the demon trap. When the guy accuses him of killing his daughter, the pieces click for Dean.

Sam kills Clark by jabbing his head into a retail hook suspended off the wall. OH I SEE, this show has always been obsessed with death by hook. >:| 

Dean and the officer avoid killing each other. Instead, they despair in beaten silence together, before we cut to Dean holding a compress to his forehead back at the motel.

Sam and Dean go over the case back in the motel, but talk quickly switches to EMOTIONS. Sam apologizes to Dean. Dean admits he was wrong. “I wanted to believe so badly,” he says. STORY OF HIS LIFE DAMN IT. He admits that he’s terrified of dying. Terrified of Hell. 

Sam gives him sad puppy eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with having hope.”

“Hope doesn’t get you jack squat,” Dean tells him.

For Sad Boys with Poor Coping Mechanisms Science:

Call Me By Your Quote:

I just talked to an 84 year old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband, who died in Korea! It redefined my understanding of the word 'Necrophilia'

That’s what happens when you mess with the phone company, dillweed

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn 3x14 #long distance call #supernatural season 3

[shannygoatgruff]

Only Fan(s) - A Thriller

Genre: Thriller

Pairing: Modern Ivar/OC

Warning: Language, sex, stalking, obsession, kidnapping, sexual assault

Rating: MA+18

Summary: Sometimes OnlyFans subscribers want a little more than internet pictures. Sometimes they want to be your ONLY fan…

Header by: @flowers-in-your-hayr

Thanks to @xbellaxcarolinax for being my beta.

Disclaimer: This story will deal with some topics that might be a little uncomfortable for some people. As always, I’ll try to tackle the hard stuff as tactfully as possible.

a/n: I wrote this months ago and let it sit on the shelf. I’m finally ready to dust it off and give it another go...so let’s see what it do...

Part iii - Trifecta

Torren Sykes hadn’t lived what anyone would consider an exciting life. In fact, in her twenty-three years, she had only just left her mom’s double-wide trailer in East Bumble Fuck less than a year ago. Not quite 365 days later, she still didn’t have a pot to piss in, nor a window to throw it out of.

Truthfully, she usually didn’t know where she would be getting her next meal - that sort of thing wasn’t really a big deal to her. She actually liked the mystery of it all. There was something undeniably sexy about not knowing what the day would bring - who she would run into, or have to take something off of to survive. If someone else had to get hurt so she could make it through another day, such was life. She’d won. Those other people just needed to be better at playing the fucking game, plain and simple. 

Besides, pulling a caper or two kept her on her toes. She learned how to pull off the best of them from her mother. It’s not like adulting was one of Leslie’s strong suits. 

If only her mother had been more like her Me-Maw, now that woman was a saint. For reasons that Torren never cared to ask, she lived with her Me-Maw until she was five years old.  Leslie would periodically visit her to drop off the obligatory present on Christmas or her birthday if that bitch remembered. Not that they were ever good presents – just some cheap ass, unwrapped items she happened to pick up at the dollar store. Torren couldn't remember a gift that she had received wasn't still in the plastic bag with the receipt in it.

Cheap, whore.

Just once she would have liked a real baby doll from Toys-R-Us, instead of those cheap, hard, plastic dolls that the hand molds weren't cut out evenly, and the jagged edges cut the shit out of her face when she tried to sleep with it. But, that was Leslie. Torren didn't choose her; Leslie sure as shit didn't choose her daughter.

It became painfully clear to Torren that her mother didn’t want anything to do with her after her Me-Maw died. Unfortunately, she found herself as her mother’s unwitting roommate at a very young age, forcing the girl to spend a lot of time alone. 

By the time she turned nine, Torren was convinced that her mother was a prostitute and she was a trick baby. It was the only explanation she could come up with seeing as how her mother never worked but always had enough money to pay the rent, keep the lights on, and have plenty of booze, chips, and hot dogs in the fridge. 

Not that Torren had many other life experiences with a working parent to compare her situation to, but it just seemed pretty fucking difficult to have a job if one were passed out drunk all the fucking time. Besides, who had time to work when during your waking hours you were spending them with one of your many, many boyfriends? 

Torren used to wonder if one of the multitudes of men that would traipse in and out of that trailer were her father - but the more she got to know what type of person Leslie was, the more she realized that whoever that guy was, had gotten the hell out of dodge. 

Lucky son-of-a-bitch. 

But for all of Leslie’s flaws, she did manage to impart her three philosophies of life onto her daughter - the three things that Torren still lived by to this day. It was the least she could do. God knows that whore sure as fuck didn’t do anything else for her.

Mama’s Life Lessons #1 - There is no such thing as too much black eyeliner

As trivial as it sounded, it proved to be a precious lesson. Shortly after she had moved into the trailer, Leslie had forced Torren to sit on the bed and watch as she got ready for another one of her "dates". She had told the little girl that beautiful eyes were the one good gene that ran in their family. “You got to learn how to work ‘em,” Leslie exhaled a long plume of smoke at her reflection in the vanity mirror, “You listenin'? This's important. This right here," she held up the black liner pencil, “is gonna be your best friend.”

Of course, Torren had no idea what she meant. How was a pencil going to her friend? She didn’t really care so much as what her mother was saying to her at the moment, it was more of the fact that she was actually talking to her that made Torren hang on to every word. 

That’s why she picked up the black liner pencil from her mother's cluttered vanity table and leaned over to look in the mirror. She tried tracing her bottom lid, the way her mother had done, but at six it was a little easier said than done. She had just learned how to color inside the lines with a fat crayon; mastering the art of applying liner would have to wait a few more years. 

Leslie, however, was not willing to wait that long, "What the hell's amatta wit'chu, Dumbass? You doin' it all wrong," she said snatching the pencil from the girl's hand. Grabbing Torren roughly by the chin she said, "Gotta teach you every goddamn thing. Hold still." She mumbled more curses and said something about her good-for-nothing mother not teaching her brat anything useful.

By the time she had finished cursing her name, Leslie roughly turned her daughter's head toward the mirror, "Yeah you got those eyes. Now, learn to use ‘em.” Leslie dropped the pencil onto the vanity before picking up her drink and shooing Torren away. 

That was the day that Drew Watkins bought her an ice cream. It had to be the eyeliner. It was a true fact, not just another one of her mother's drunken theories. Eyeliner and her eyes...she didn’t know how she used them, but they worked.

From that day on Torren opted to never step foot outside without heavy black liner again. 

Mama’s Life Lessons #2 - As long as there are men around that want to fuck you, you will never need to work

It wasn’t like she going to go out and get a real job. She wasn’t raised with much of a work ethic. She was too young to remember if her Me-Maw worked and what she gathered from her mother was that there would always be men around to take care of her. 

Leslie told her that she didn’t need to work because working a man was a full-time job. If she were doing that right, she wouldn’t have time for a fucking 9-5. It didn’t matter if he was in a relationship, gay, or the fucking Pope. As long as he a dick and she could bend over, and her eyes were done, her rent was as good as paid. 

If she wanted more than just the basic bills paid, she would have to rethink what all she was willing to do - but just make sure she didn’t do too much otherwise she couldn’t guarantee a steady paycheck every week.

This sage advice didn’t make much sense to 8-year-old Torren, but as the years progressed she started to work it into one of her life’s mottos. She would never want for anything. She could always rely on the kindness of strangers and when that got to be too boring, she could always take it, just to spice things up a bit.  

Mama’s Life Lessons #3 - If you want something do whatever it takes to make sure you get it

As a child that grew up with the television as a babysitter, Torren Sykes knew that she was destined to love Ivar “Lothbrok” Ragnarsson since she was a little girl. Ever since that day she turned on the TV and saw this adorable blue-eyed boy drawing Mickey Mouse ears saying, “I’m Ivar Lothbrok and you’re watching the Disney Channel,” she knew that he had to be hers. 

He was co-starring on a show called The Baker Boys, about three foster kids, who had come to live with a family that owned a bakery. Ivar’s character was named Simon Baker - a mischievous kid that lived with his grandmother until she died and never felt like he fit in with this cookie-cutter family. 

His life was just like hers - minus the cookie-cutter family that loved him and all. She was actually with more of an alcoholic whore that didn’t give a shit if she lived or died, and not pulling stunts in a bakery with flour and messing up orders like him, but she still saw them as kindred spirits. 

When the show got canceled she was devastated. How dare the world try to keep her from her man? Didn’t they understand this was love? Didn’t those people at Disneyland know that he was the only person in the world that understood her?

As if on queue, she happened to find the Season 2 DVD box-set at the library one afternoon. Her mother had kicked her out of the trailer because she had a date and couldn’t have the dumbass child around fucking things up for her. Torren had nothing else to do - at 11-years-old, she had no money, and nowhere to go. At least the library was air-conditioned. 

She wanted that box-set. Slipping it into her backpack unnoticed was the easy part. Trying to get it past the alarms would be harder. She watched for a while, paying particular attention to the way the check-out system worked. 

When the librarians changed shifts, she let a smile cross her lips as she picked a few random books from the shelves. 

Her beautiful eyes went as big as saucers when the alarm buzzed, and the young male librarian looked down at her, still clutching the large reference book to her check. Carefully she had stepped across to the other side of the alarm sensor waiting to collect the books she was checking out.

“I’m sorry, you can’t check out reference books,” the young man said, blinking his hazel eyes at Torren, the corner of his lip tugging into a smile.

She let a pout fall on her lips as she lowered her large eyes down to the book in her arms, “Oh...sorry.” She handed the book back, “I didn’t realize I still had it.” And like that, she walked out of the library with her prize.

She had stolen for Ivar...now if that wasn’t love what was?

The only thing that had threatened their love through the years is when Ivar got married. It damn near broke Torren’s heart. How could he be so cruel? She didn’t give a fuck that the marriage was short-lived. She even understood why he had to do it. He had gotten that bitch pregnant, and he didn’t have much choice. But, he cut her deep. 

Didn’t he know how much she loved him? Didn’t he know that she stuck by him when he had joined 6cess and had seen him in concert 3 times? She still had the autographed photo of the two of them from the signing at Spring Hills Mall - when she was wearing that blue midriff cardigan and ripped jeans and he had his arm around her. That shirt brought out the color in his eyes. She even wore Happy, which he said was his favorite perfume. She thought it smelled like Comet, but she stole a bottle of it from Macy’s right before the photo-op to smell good for him. 

And he went and pulled this shit?

Besides, Johnny Law said that she was still too young for him and that he could get arrested for being with her. She knew that he had to pretend to have a normal life so that no one would know about their love affair. She was just understanding like that. It gave her time to grow up a little more so that when they could he be together, the law wouldn't be standing in their way. She really didn't give a fuck, but she suspected he did. Why else hadn't he come for her?

Torren didn’t even like their music. She wasn’t a boyband kind of girl, but for him, she would make the exception. She was more of the gangsta rap or heavy metal type girl. But if Ivar was serenading her, she’d listen to sappy, wrist-slitting, emo, shit rock all fucking day long, because she loved him. 

She hated that he had gotten that whore pregnant, too. She understood that he had to pretend that they had a normal marriage. She knew that when he was fucking that bitch, he was really imagining it was her. The years apart had made him a master at hiding his true feelings for her. He couldn't give anyone cause for suspicion. If he let on the truth he could risk losing everything…his house, cars, job, and his kid. That whore was trying to keep them apart. But, she was just a small obstacle that posed no real threat to Torren.

She did not doubt that she would be his daughter's new mommy. The kid would probably be sad at first that she wouldn't be with that other woman like Torren had been when her grandmother died. But, the kid would get used to it. Torren was going to be a whole hell of a lot better at being a mom than her piece of shit mother was to her. That was for damn sure. She was going to teach her stepdaughter all about eyeliner, and how to dye her hair. 

She was going to teach her what party clothes every woman should have in her wardrobe and how to get a man to do whatever she wanted by just batting her eyes at him. She would even share her secrets on what pills to mix and what dosages to give for submission, making a man catatonic, and if she was really good, she'd teach what to put in a drink to kill someone. Hell, she even planned on giving the child her most discrete drug contacts. That would of course have to wait until she was older – at least 13. She was going to be such a good mommy. 

Ivar's daughter was going to love Torren as much as Torren loved him. They were going to be the perfect family.

Torren was as hopelessly devoted to Ivar as he was to her. He had waited for her to become legal. Just months before she was old enough to legally consent to sex, and get married without parental permission, his marriage started falling apart. She knew that Ivar was trying to make a clean break from his wife, and get his daughter used to the idea of them being apart before he could come home to her. 

Torren had been thoughtful and respectful enough to give him that space to make sure everything was right before she stepped into the role of the new Mrs. Lothbrok. He had to test the waters, make sure that she still wanted him as much as he wanted her. He had to get back into the swing of things…have sex constantly to make sure he could keep up with her. She knew that "the prude" wasn't doing it nearly as often as he needed to - why else would he have an Only Fans page?

Torren was the only one that could feed his appetite, and he hers.

Now, they were both finally ready. She was mature and developed. She knew what she needed, and it was him. He had his fun before her, but now he was auditioning again and getting everything back on track for them. He had a great relationship with his daughter and his dumb ass ex-wife finally understood that their relationship was a fling that went too far.

His face told her everything that her heart already knew. He loved her. 

Why else would be looking at her like that? She could feel herself blush when he smiled on Instagram like that into them. Then he gave her that smile. That was her smile; the one that he reserved for her during their private times. Yet, there he was doing it in front of an audience of millions, and he didn't care who saw it. He had to let her know that it was time for her to come home. It was like a sleeper cell being awakened.

She didn't have a choice. She did what any other woman in her position would do. She packed a bag, threw it in the car she stole a few days before and drove. Armed with her trifecta of knowledge and determination, she prepared to face the obstacles that were bound to get in her way. There was nothing that was going to stop her from getting her man.

Nothing.

Part ii || Part iv

Tags: @ideagarden-blog1​  @youbloodymadgenius​ @xbellaxcarolinax​ @a-mess-of-fandoms​ @didiintheblog​ @conaionaru​ @peachyboneless​ @flowers-in-your-hayr @heavenly1927​ @zuxiezendler @waiting4inspiration​ @saldelys @didiintheblog​  @revolution-starter​

#OnlyFan(s) #modern ivar #shannyland #trifecta

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfiction blog

[incomprehensiblelentils]

Lentils’ 2020 Christmas Movie Rankings

My wife and I watched a lot of Christmas movies this year, and I thought it would be fun to rank them based on which ones I think were most watchable and enjoyable. I’ve left out a few that we watched during this time period, which are classic Christmas movies (Miracle on 34th Street), action movies set at Christmas (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Iron Man 3), or older romances set around Christmas (While You Were Sleeping and You’ve Got Mail), because it’s not fair to rank these amongst, well, some of the movies we saw.

my top 5, for those of you who don’t like reading (which is fair): The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Dashing in December, The Princess Switch, Jingle Jangle, Happiest Season.

my top 3 Chaotic Christmas Movies: A New York Christmas Wedding, 12 Pups of Christmas, The Princess Switch: Switched Again. Please watch these movies if you enjoy chaotic plots. Please especially watch the first two I listed because holy shit my summaries do not properly convey the chaos.

The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020): Some people on the internet have been VERY RUDE about this movie and I’m sorry they don’t appreciate a true chaotic holiday gem when they see it. This movie involves two Vanessa Hudgenses, Scheduled Vanessa and Spontaneous Vanessa, who are distant cousins and not twins, switching places to try to facilitate Spontaneous Vanessa getting back together with her ex the baker, but Scheduled Vanessa is intercepted by a third cousin Vanessa, Horny Vanessa, who wants to take Spontaneous Vanessa’s place as queen. I don’t want to spoil anything that happens in this movie so that you can experience the batshittery for yourself, but I found every second absolutely delightful. It also has two very good romantic couples who are cute and who genuinely seem to like each other, which is not something I can say for every movie on this list!

Dashing in December (2020): This movie has gay cowboys, is set on a ranch, and features a squaredancing scene, so if that isn’t your bag, you are probably not going to like it very much. I found it deeply charming and the only reason it isn’t #1 is that three quarters of the way through, the lead suddenly turns back into a giant jerk for no real reason and that was very upsetting. But it all works out in the end. The main romance is very cute, there are horses, the horsemanship doesn’t totally suck ass, and there are some fun side characters. It’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s pleasant.

The Princess Switch (2018): Again, some people are mean about this movie and they shouldn’t be because it is CUTE GODDAMMIT. It is absolutely The Prince and the Pauper but with two Vanessa Hudgenses, but also, it shows the aforementioned two good romantic couples falling in love and they are delightful. I am not saying this is a great masterpiece of romance, but the filmmakers actually tried to give these characters reasons to like each other, which, again, is not true for some of the movies on this list.\

Jingle Jangle (2020): I kind of feel bad putting this movie on the same list as TV movies that were obviously just shit out by Hallmark or whoever, because this clearly had a lot of love and heart put into it, and it really shows. I was so immediately charmed by this movie that I didn’t even mind when it immediately went in very silly directions. I don’t know if the plot makes sense at all (a cute robot shows up for seemingly no reason other than that cute robots are fun!) but it doesn’t have to, because everyone is having so much fun and there’s so much joy in this movie that I was just happy to be along for the ride. Also, I would love to see an entire movie in the stop-motion style from the opening scene.

Happiest Season (2020): I absolutely understand why some people didn’t like this movie, and I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t dislike it, and also, it’s MY movie, and I love it, and I’m not interested in fighting about it. It helped me come out to my parents and also featured two of my faves kissing and that’s all I need. 

Noelle (2019): I was previously under the impression this movie was bad, and I don’t know why, because it’s a little embarrassing and cheesy at times, but it’s sweet. I suspect what will make or break it for you is if you like Anna Kendrick, and because I like Anna Kendrick, I like watching her play a neurotic Claus sibling trying desperately to fix the problem she accidentally caused. One weird thing though: this movie tried to convince me about halfway through that she was both spoiled and selfish, and I don’t actually think that’s true at all. I think she was a little naive and sheltered and wanted people to like her way too much, but she’s not really shown to be a selfish person - she’s constantly paying attention to other people in the real world and her brother is the one who refused to admit that he wasn’t cut out for the Santa gig and instead fucked off to “find himself” or whatever. It was weird! But anyway, I liked this movie a lot.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1998): So this movie...one Christmas Eve when I was in high school, I was having trouble falling asleep for whatever reason so I went downstairs to get some water. My mom happened to have the TV on and this movie was just starting, and she invited me to join her. Fun fact: this movie went to theaters and it stars Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and Jessica Biel. It is one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen in my life and at no point does anyone in it actually behave like a human being. It’s about a smooth-talking jackass who has to be bribed to come home for Christmas and then, after one of his dumbass moneymaking schemes lands him in hot water, he gets abandoned in the middle of the California desert wearing a Santa suit and glued-on beard. He then has to beg, lie, and cheat his way home for Christmas dinner so that his dad will give him a vintage Porsche they fixed up together. I have no defense for this character; he is insufferable and only becomes marginally less so by the end of the film. But also, I have to watch this movie every year (usually with my mom, although not this year for obvious reasons) or it doesn’t feel like Christmas. 

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019): We own this on DVD and have seen it three times. In our defense, we wanted to support Gregg Sulkin from Runaways and Isabella Gomez from One Day at a Time, both of whom feature prominently in this movie, and also sing songs. This is just Cinderella But At Christmas, and if that doesn’t sound like fun to you, I don’t think anything I can say will change your mind. I will say that the songs are amusingly autotuned, there’s a disabled dog that’s very cute, and I personally think that the leads have slightly better chemistry than some of the pairs on this list. But it is literally just another Cinderella Story movie.

The Knight Before Christmas (2019): This movie is Thor (2011) But At Christmas, and it would have been slightly higher except I always forget about the plot where at the end the knight becomes a cop. Bad, obviously! But anyway, the plot of this movie is: nice but clueless dude crash-lands on Earth for Reasons and bumbles around trying to figure out what’s up, while falling in love with a nice lady. That’s just Thor and you know I’m right. And for as dumb as this movie is, at least it’s ambitious. I have learned that Christmas movies can do one of two things to please me: a) have actors that have decent chemistry and charm and are fully committed to whatever nonsense is going on, or b) have absolutely batshit chaotic plots. This movie is like a 4 out of 5 on the chaos scale and I like it a lot, besides the copaganda. I hope this also gets made into a trilogy and Cole isn’t a cop anymore.

A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby (2019): I will get into my problems with the first two Christmas Prince movies later, but my main criticism is that they are kind of boring and not chaotic enough. This one decided to make up for that by incorporating a missing ancient treaty, a curse, and a ghost, as well as a subplot about Girl Power (I use this semi-ironically) and a subplot about cousin Simon potentially committing treason again. I was so excited that things were happening in this movie the first time I watched it that I may be a little biased, but oh well. Oh, I was also absolutely terrified it was going to be racist and it is...mostly not? There are a few questionable moments but like mostly it’s fine.

Christmas With the Prince (2018): I wanted to watch this because the summary on Netflix did not match the summary on Google at all, and that’s because, uh, they’re both sort of right? Ostensibly this movie is about a pediatric oncologist who comes back into contact with an old almost-flame, who just happens to be the prince of a tiny European country, because he fucked up his leg and needs somewhere private to stay. And apparently a pediatric oncology ward is the best place for that? But then after they fall in love this random Russian lady shows up and is like “that’s my fiance.” This happens maybe twenty minutes from the end. Anyway, this movie isn’t great but I liked the lead guy way more than I thought I would and it has some cute kids in it.

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): I...am at a loss for words to describe this...motion picture. On the surface it is a cute idea: a young Black woman, Jennifer, is getting married to her boyfriend on Christmas Eve, but she’s given a chance by her guardian angel (stay with me) to go back in time and redo her life, after losing touch with her childhood best friend, Gabrielle, who she was always in love with but never confessed her feelings to. She wakes up in an alternate timeline, where she and Gabrielle have been together for years and her beloved father is still alive. Then the movie, uh...veers off into some very odd places! They go to their Catholic priest and ask him to marry them, and he is like “but the Bible” and they are like “but that’s bullshit” and he’s like “shrug” and then later during a sermon he’s like “actually that IS bullshit, everyone gay in this church come stand up here with me. We love you. Also we’re going to perform a wedding now” and then he marries Jennifer and Gabrielle. And then Jennifer’s angel shows up and is like “you have to choose between this life and your old life now” and then uh...I really hate to spoil this next thing. It is the weirdest choice I’ve ever seen a movie make and if you’re even the slightest bit interested in this movie, I think you should experience this plot point for yourself. I’m going to put the batshit spoiler in ROT13 in case you want to avoid spoiling yourself. (GJ: fhvpvqr) Wraavsre'f thneqvna natry erirnyf gung ur vf gur fba bs Tnoevryyr, jub va gur bevtvany gvzryvar tbg certanag nf n grra naq ure snzvyl frag ure gb n ahaarel. Fur zvfpneevrq naq fhofrdhragyl qvrq ol fhvpvqr. Uvf anzr vf Nmenry Tnovfba. Anyway, uh, this movie isn’t very good, unfortunately, the adult leads have no chemistry and Gabrielle’s adult self is actively unlikable (the teen versions of them are cute!), but I think it’s 1000% worth a watch for the sheer chaos of it all. I...recommend it for that, I guess? Oh, also there’s a sex scene that plays a slow sexy version of “O Christmas Tree” in the background and I felt like I was losing my mind. 

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018): As I said in my commentary on the third movie in this series, the worst sin this movie commits is being kind of boring. It also manages to make the romantic hero, Richard, even worse than in the first movie, where he was just kind of useless and petulant, because in this movie he is actively failing to do anything to revive the failing economy of his country. I have seen people complain that the prince in The Princess Switch and Cole in The Knight Before Christmas have no personalities; they are delightful compared to the wet paper bag of a man in this movie. Rose McIver is adorable and I don’t think any of this is her fault, she’s doing her best in these movies, but woof.

12 Pups of Christmas (2019): The Google summary of this movie, which we found on Hulu, is this: “Struggling to keep his dog GPS locator company afloat, Martin expects his new hire, Erin, to help him save the company and find homes for 12 puppies that were left behind after a photo shoot. As they work together, Erin and Martin begin to discover each other's positive qualities and find love just in time for the holidays.” My wife and I love dogs, so we put this on, expecting cute dogs. This movie contains approximately 80% chaos and 20% cute dogs. It opens with our heroine, a canine therapist, coming home from work to have dinner with her fiance and best friend. We find out that Erin and fiance are moving to California soon for her new job (they live in New York). Fast forward a few days to their courthouse wedding, at which point her fiance and best friend confess to having an affair, and she is dumped. Heartbroken, she moves to California alone, and ends up moving into the company-provided house. It is just a two-story house (??) that the CEO’s sister owns (???) and rents out to employees (????). Also Erin is, as the Google summary says, expected to come up with some grand idea to save the company. And there are 12 random puppies also. They are cute puppies. Oh, also Martin, the CEO of the dog collar company, hates dogs for some reason. Martin’s sister is aggressively friendly towards Erin in a way that I interpreted as sapphic. At one point, after they find a home for dog #3, Erin’s former BFF shows up on her doorstep (?????) begging to be let in. She insists that the fiance was also two-timing her, and she has proof that he had FIVE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY - “that’s why he’s a traveling businessman”!!!! Erin never asks to see her proof, but I guess she believes her, because she lets her inside and then makes her take care of the remaining eight dogs out of spite. I guess they make up at some point. Anyway, somewhere in here Erin and Martin are starting to fall in love and also come up with a way to rebrand the business, so hooray for them. We also learn that the reason Martin hates dogs is that his beloved childhood dog, uh, ran away? Disappeared? Got eaten? He insists that “not knowing [what happened to him] was the worst part,” but I was out here expecting to see the child finding an actual dead dog like it’s John Wick or something so this was a little anticlimactic. They go on a business trip to New York talk with Important Japanese Investors, during which they fuck (it is? romantic? allegedly?), and then the morning of their meeting Erin’s shitty ex shows up in the hotel lobby to bother her. Martin decks him square in the face for not leaving her alone, and then someone calls the cops, because I guess this movie said ACAB, and both dudes get arrested and Erin has to do the presentation alone. And then in the last five minutes Martin gets out of jail and Erin says that she gave the presentation to the investors...in English, and their translator was twenty minutes late, and so the investors understood none of what she said. Thankfully we are spared actually seeing this “joke,” but they do play racist music over her explanation. Then Martin reconnects with his rich dad who bails out the company instead, and also he adopts the four remaining dogs. This movie was fucking bananas and very bad and I need more people to understand exactly how bad. Watch this movie.

A Nutcracker Christmas (2016): Amy Acker has two Christmas movies and this one seemed more palatable than Dear Santa, so here we are. I like to watch Amy Acker be cute and dance, and she has an adorable teenage niece in this movie that she’s helped raise. In this movie she’s a former ballet dancer whose sister (hilariously, one of the Wynonna Earp lesbians) died in a tragic car accident, and she never got to dance the part of the Sugarplum Fairy. Spoiler alert: she gets to by the end of the movie. Unfortunately the love interest is basically Satan incarnate and does not deserve her at all, so unless you like yelling at romantic leads I can’t really recommend it. 

Godmothered (2020): This movie is just, uh, Enchanted but worse, and also it should have been sapphic and it isn’t? Poor Jillian Bell is doing her best and is adorable, but it’s not enough to save this movie for me. If Disney were not cowards she would have fallen in love with single mom Isla Fisher. Oh, it also ends with the very white younger daughter doing a public cover of “Rise Up” by Andra Day that the audience joins in on, which, considering its use in the BLM movement the last couple years, felt, uh, not great to me.

A Christmas Prince (2017): It’s maybe not far to compare this to the rest of the Netflix Christmas Cinematic Universe, because it was the originator. But also, it’s pretty boring. Sorry. Simon, or Fiddles (Fake Hiddles/Tom Hiddleston) is the best character.

Married by Christmas (2016): Apparently an alternate title for this is The Engagement Clause, which is sort of funny. Anyway, this has Jes Macallan and we, being big fans of Legends of Tomorrow, lost our shit when we found this on Christmas Day and had to watch it. The plot is that Jes’ character runs the family business, but their shitty grandma died and left a clause in her will where the business goes to the husband of whichever granddaughter gets married first. You would think that Jes’ sister and her fiance would postpone their Christmas Eve wedding to give Jes time to set up some kind of platonic wedding for business purposes, since Jes’ entire life is this stupid business, but nope, they immediately turn into monsters who are determined to get their hands on the business for ???? reasons???? It’s not very good, as you can tell by how low it is on the list. Jes Macallan is not a convincing straight businesswoman. I wouldn’t even really enjoy this movie as an Avalance AU.

A Princess for Christmas (2011): Here we are, the worst one Christmas movie I watched this year. I don’t actively harbor any ill will towards Katie McGrath, although I confess to feeling a bit “her?” but it’s fine. I was hoping this movie would enlighten me to her appeal. Instead, this movie actively got on my nerves in multiple ways, including trying to pass Katie McGrath off as a normal American retail worker instead of an Irish vampire/sorceress/supervillain/fairy/whatever she is. Her accent is shockingly awful, which I’m not sure is actually her fault, is there a reason her family wasn’t just British? That wouldn’t have saved the movie but it would have made it just slightly more palatable. At every turn it makes the worst choices, including a scene where Katie’s character puts on a rap song and she and the prince dance to it in an attempt to show them “loosening up,” and then the mean grandfather comes in and demands that they “turn this ghetto music off.” YIKES. I know these movies are the whitest movies ever by design but was that racism necessary? The only Black people I actually saw in this movie were some of the servants, I think? Speaking of the servants, at the end of the movie there’s a grand ball and Katie’s dress gets fucked up, and she’s about to leave the country, and then the servants are like “don’t go! We pooled our money to buy you another nice dress!” which, also yikes! This movie has a real classism problem. It also was so boring I zoned out of it multiple times, and I have sat through Manos: The Hands of Fate and Birdemic multiple times. This movie has no chaos whatsoever and I hated all the characters. 0/10 do not recommend under any circumstances.

#christmas #sometimes I write things

[cobwebsandcathair]

This or That: Fanfiction Edition

tagged by @omnishambolichologram​ - cheers! 

I felt the need to link to a few of my absolute most favourite fics from various fandoms so ... that’s a thing that happened. 

Slow burn or love at first sight: The burn makes the payoff that much greater, the slower the better. I want to be in physical pain by the time they kiss 100k words later. 

Fake dating or secretly dating: I’ve recently read a couple of really good fake dating fics but I probably liked them so much because the fake dating turned into secretly dating. And apparently I have a thing for coming out scenes and/or others finding out. 

“Oh no, there’s only one bed” or long distance correspondence: I mean, come on. Bonus points if they wake up accidentally cuddling and/or the whole thing was a setup by their friends to push them together. Long distance isn’t much fun, unless it’s a small part of something much longer. 

Hurt/comfort or amnesia: Has to make up at least 90% of the stuff I read, probably because I’m drawn to cursed/disabled/mentally ill/fucked up characters in the first place.  --The Golden Bird by pierrot_dreams, original, E (very, very E), currently 170k - take those tags seriously, because I guarantee you WILL be triggered 

Enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers: Again, I’ve read some excellent ETL fics lately but the ‘enemy’ part is always based on miscommunication (hello my beloved #stupidboys tag). I don’t do actual enemies (fuck off Drarry). Give me more of that slow-burn, childhood-best-friends, one-sided-pining plzkthx. --And they were right in front of you the whole time by Ihavecoldhands, Evak, T, 18k

Mutual pining or domestic bliss: I feel kind of cheated if a fic ends without a bit of domestic bliss, but I rarely read things that are entirely that. Mutual pining, particularly when it’s third-person limited and the pining is clearly mutual but the narrator misinterprets it or thinks they’re imagining it. 

Smut or fluff: If I read a smutty one-shot there’s a very high likelihood that fluff is also in the tags. I like smut as much as the next guy but if there’s no feelings involved then I’m just not interested. N’awws before phwoars. --Mondays at Sixteen by @folerdetdufoler​, Evak, E, 163k - copious amounts of both smut AND fluff, what more could you want

Fantasy AU or modern AU: I’m super picky about fantasy and sci-fi in general because worldbuilding is of vital importance and it’s too often poorly done. I’m also not really a fan of real-world magic or supernatural elements in a fic if they’re not part of the canon (including Hogwarts AUs). Modern AUs are a pretty safe bet and some of them are AMAZING. --There Are No Gays in Football by Malu_3 (Grainne), Merthur, E, 213K --Keep the Key Within Reach by SpiritsFlame, Mercy, E, 62k  --If You Look to Your Left, You Will See by unoriginal_liz, Thommy, E, 144k

Alternate universe or future fic: Future fic meaning a continuation of canon, or future as in set in the 24th-and-a-halfth Thentury? Either way, I’d pick AU. Especially when canon makes all AUs technically canon also (thank you Julie Andem). 

Canon compliant/missing scenes or fix-it: I have TWO absolute-most-favourite fics to add here, one of each, so I can’t really choose between them.  --Trauma Medicine by Kispexi2, Mal/Simon, E, 168k - missing scenes; very possibly the best fanfic I’ve ever read in my life --Grow In The Openings by mindabbles, Wolfstar, E, 33k - because the only acceptable post-Marauders Era fic is a fix-it fic 

Reincarnation or character death: Not really a fan of either but FUCK character death. No. Just no. Unless that character happens to be a canonically-dead hologram, or a canonically-dead wizard who is then brought back to life. 

One-shot or multi-chapter: I’ll go for either but the longer the better. 450k slow burn angst with a happy ending? Yes hello that is my name. 

Time travel or isolated together: I’m up for both but the only example I can think of is that Hornblower epic in which Archie didn’t die but he and Horatio were beamed up to the Enterprise, Beverly saved his life, they hung out with Riker and Troi and then Picard married them. (In the unlikely event someone knows this fic, LINK PLEASE.)

High school romance or middle-aged romance: Some of my absolute favourite fics are the latter, but given that my two most beloved ships mostly take place in high school, I have to say the former.  --In Case The Scene Gets Nasty by zarah5, Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross, E, 90k - I know people are squicky about RPF, and rightfully so, but this is hella AU and I shamelessly adore it 

Arranged marriage or accidental marriage: Not a big fan of either, but the old What Happens In Vegas trope can be entertaining. 

Sci-fi AU or magic AU: Really not into either; see above. HOWEVER, this is a good excuse to link to another favourite with supernatural elements which put me off reading it for ages, but god I’m glad I did.  --Burning For Your Touch by cuteandtwisted, Evak, M, 257k

Neighbours or roommates: Both have potential for shenanigans and different forms of tension. 

Body swap or gender-bend: I have fond memories of a few Wolfstar body swap fics back in the early 00s (and of course, Rimmer and Lister). I’m all for gender-bending if canonically cis characters are written as trans or non-binary. 

Angst or crack: Never really got into crack, although there has been the odd one I’ve liked. I prefer to have my heart ripped out, shredded into tiny pieces and slowly put back together again. 

Apocalyptic or mundane: Mundanity tends to make the stakes internal rather than external, with more potential for angst and whump, and that’s basically where I live. But if we’re talking post-apocalyptic, then I have to recommend:  --Stars Fell On Alabama by saddle_tramp, original, E, 104K

I don’t know who to tag. If you’ve read this far, consider yourself tagged. 

#tagged #fanfic #evak #wolfstar #merthur #mal/simon #horatio/archie #bandom #mercy #thommy #i put way more effort into this than required

[poemsforpersephone]

The third and final book rec list for fans of The Last Sun!

The Infinite Noise by Lauren Shippen has really cool empathy powers which, although not the two way bond Brand and Rune share, does remind me of the emotion reading aspect in TLS. The m/m relationship in it is also super sweet. 

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzie Lee. This one I’m recommending because the protagonist is a snarky asshole just like Rune, and the writing style is so well done. It’s m/m and genuinely such a fun and quirky book. Also the cover art is gorgeous!

Silver in the wood by Emily Tesh. This is an LGBT novella where a wild man called Tobias lives in a place called “Greenhollow,” , where, and I quote, “Old secrets better left buried are dug up, and Tobias is forced to reckon with his troubled past—both the green magic of the woods, and the dark things that rest in its heart.” So im recommending this one simply because of the involvement of secrets and troubled pasts haha. 

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. The front cover of this one gives me The Hanged Man vibes like, all the way to the bone, which is initially what prompted me to rec it on this list. But also: “Gideon has a sword, some dirty magazines, and no more time for undead bullshit.” Idk about the dirty magazines but the rest of it scREAMS Rune. and the main character is a lesbian!!! yay!! 

The Black Veins by Ashia Monet. “In a world where magic thrives in secret city corners, a group of magicians embark on a road trip—and it’s the "no-love-interest", found family adventure you’ve been searching for.” It’s like someone looked into my heart and picked out my deepest desire and then wrote it and gave it life. This book is super diverse and super awesome. 

The Deathless Girls by Kiran Millwood Hargrave is a f/f take on Dracula basically. I’m recommending it because the main character and her sister go through a traumatic event similar to the loss of the sun court, when men come and burn their home to the ground along with their people and they’re captured and taken as slaves. It’s about family, friendship and survival, and it’s beautiful. 

The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco. An LGBT book where climate change deniers are the villains? ... you have my atttention. 

Prosper’s Demon by K.J. Parker. This is about a morally questionable exorcist!  It’s a satirical, interesting take on the topic of possession with a kick ass cover. 

The Wishing Heart by J.C Welker. An LGBT fantasy novel where our protag, Rebel, finds a jinni’s vessel and is thus thrust into a whole new world of trying to keep said jinni from everyone else and find a way to free her! The world building is awesome and so are the characters.

Tarnished are the Stars by Rosiee Thor. “A secret beats inside Anna Thatcher's chest: an illegal clockwork heart. Anna works cog by cog -- donning the moniker Technician -- to supply black market medical technology to the sick and injured, against the Commissioner's tyrannical laws.” i have the hardbook version of this and the cover??? is so?? beautiful.

The Weight of the Stars by K. Ancrum. TALKING OF PRETTY COVERS. “Ryann Bird dreams of traveling across the stars. But a career in space isn’t an option for a girl who lives in a trailer park on the wrong side of town. So Ryann becomes her circumstances and settles for acting out and skipping school to hang out with her delinquent friends.”

Predatory by Brooklyn Ray. WERELEOPARDS FRIENDS!!!! god damn wereleopards im?? so happy. m/m 

The Lost Coast by Amy Rose Capetta. FOUND FAMILY QUEER WITCHES. need i say more. 

Portraits of a Faerie Queen by Tay LaRoi. The fey run amok in this one! f/f with a gorgeous front cover.

Unbroken by Brooklyn Ray. step 1: rent haunted house. step 2: fall in love with witch-turned-demon who inhabits it. step 3: profit???

The High King’s Golden Tongue by Megan Derr. This one is lovely! Nice world building with an emphasis on languages and kingdoms, and a lovely m/m romance that builds from kind-of-enemies-but-not-really to lovers. the audiobook of this is great. 

Salt Magic, Skin Magic by Lee Welch. SORRY YOUR BOOK IS SET WHERE? MY HOMELAND? MY COUNTRY MY COUNTY MY HEART? we never get any attention imma go cry in the corner. its a historical fantasy m/m romance in YORKSHIRE gosh im here for it. And let me tell you... this is one fantastic book. I really, really enjoyed it.

Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner. fantasy, m/m, lotsa swords!

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst. f/f fantasy with a princess who has fire magic in a kingdom where magic is forbidden! 

Freedom’s Fate by Jennie Taylor. SPAAAAAAACE i love books in space.

Pegasi and Prefects by Eleanor Beresford. “Charley's final year at Fernleigh Manor is complicated by a runaway pegasus, unwanted Games Captainship, a dangerous new rival and, most of all, falling head over heels in love with another girl. What is a reluctant Senior Prefect to do?” catch me while i swoon.

The Necromancers Dance by SJ Himes. m/m vampire/necromancer romance, urban magic and fantasy, very fun and smooth read, a little bit insta love but not totally. 

The Star Host by F.T. Lukens. “Ren grew up listening to his mother tell stories about the Star Hosts – a mythical group of people possessed by the power of the stars.” a m/m fantasy book set to a sci fi fantasy background.

Empty Vessels by Nicholas Williams. “Lucas Mahler babysits clones all day, but he's trapped under the legacy of his body-builder father and his genius girlfriend. When Lucas tries to rise above, he's murdered. Waking up in the body of a clone, Lucas embarks on a mystery full of blood, old friends and lost loves.” idk the whole clone thing in this just always reminds me of lord tower making all the different fake versions of people he knows lmao. 

BOOKS NOT YET OUT

So, the thing is. 2020 is very close friends, and some awesome books are even closer. These below are books I’ve not read yet, since they’re not out and I am a poor ARCless girl, but they’re books you definitely want to keep an eye on.

Witches of Ash and Ruin by E. Latimer. Bisexual OCD protagonist who is a witch D: its everything i could want. 

Wild Sky by Zaya Feli. LGBT fantasy with dragons! It sounds so, so fun.

Girl, Serpent, Thorn by Melissa Bashardoust. “A captivating and utterly original fairy tale about a girl cursed to be poisonous to the touch, and who discovers what power might lie in such a curse...”

The Fascinators by Andrew Eliopulos. “The Raven Boys meets Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, about an openly gay high school senior in small-town Georgia.” m/m fantasy which looks super sweet.

Cemetery Boys by Auden Thomas. “Yadriel has summoned a ghost, and now he can’t get rid of him.” THIS SOUNDS SO COOL oh my god. Yes PLEASE. 

When We Were Magic by Sarah Gailey. “A sly, witchy dark comedy about four teens whose magic goes wildly awry.” Magic, darkness, comedy, what’s not to love for fans of the tarot sequence??

The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune. I absolutely love T.J.  Klune’s writing so I can’t wait to get my hands on this. m/m superheros!! friends!!! get excited!! I think anyone who likes how witty K.D. is will enjoy this writing style. 

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune. YES ANOTHER ONE this looks so good too we are BLESSED. “A magical island. A dangerous task. A burning secret.”

Fragile Remedy by Maria Ingrande Mora. “Sixteen-year-old Nate is a GEM—Genetically Engineered Medi-tissue created by the scientists of Gathos City as a cure for the elite from the fatal lung rot ravaging the population. As a child, he was smuggled out of the laboratory where he was held captive and into the Withers—a quarantined, lawless region.” The idea of the Withers kind of reminds me of the westlands.

The Fell of Dark by Caleb Roehrig. UHM im always here for lgbt vampires in young adult fantasy fiction. The author says that “this book is gay and filled with monsters” which also fits the last sun so i figured it belongs on the list lmao. 

Ruinsong by Julia Ember. “In a world where magic is sung, a powerful mage named Cadence is forced to use her power to torture her country’s disgraced nobility at her ruthless queen’s bidding.”

#book recs #lgbt book recs #scionsofatlantis #hangedmanpromo

[silver-lily-louise]

No Competition - a Shadowhunters fanfic

Summary:  On her bad days, when she's feeling uncharacteristically insecure, Izzy worries about the feelings Simon used to have for Clary. When she confides in Alec, he realises that he and Magnus have never really addressed his childhood crush. Or the small fact that Alec still shares part of his soul with that very person.

A/N: There is NO Jalec in this fic. It’s just Malec having a chill conversation about Alec’s past crush, and Magnus feeling so secure in their marriage that it honestly doesn’t faze him. Please enjoy! <3

Read it on AO3, or below!

~oOo~

Alec’s position as Inquisitor doesn’t often bring him back to New York. It’s a little eerie wandering through the familiar halls, noticing the subtle ways they’ve changed in the months since he was last here. The lights seem a little starker, and the air a little warmer – but then again, perhaps he’s just grown too used to the soft glow of Alicante, and the northern winds that chill the streets of Idris.

The most notable difference is also the most intangible, and it takes him a moment to realise what it is. The wards. He and Magnus celebrated their first anniversary not too long ago, and his husband’s magic is a comforting, familiar hum over most places Alec finds himself these days – his office in Alicante. Their loft. Magnus’ arms at night. The same used to be true of the New York Institute, but in Magnus’ absence, Izzy’s obviously had to call in another warlock to maintain the wards. Most probably Lorenzo, Alec’s brain supplies; though whether that realisation is born of his fleeting familiarity with Lorenzo’s magic, having wielded it in Edom, or whether it’s just sensible to assume the High Warlock of Brooklyn is the one maintaining the wards, Alec isn’t sure.

He pauses a moment, clearing his head, and knocks on the door of an office that was his not so long ago. ‘Come in,’ Izzy calls, and Alec steps inside.

Izzy looks up from her desk with a smile, and stands to wrap Alec in a hug. ‘Hey, you. I wasn’t expecting you so early.’ ‘I thought we could get lunch before the meeting this afternoon. By some miracle, Lydia’s briefing actually ended ahead of schedule,’ he explains. That’s another weird fact of his life, now – his friendship with Lydia, which is warm and light-hearted despite their complex history. Alec often ribs her about the thoroughness of her briefings; she never goes over the allotted time, of course, but she’s infamous for being one of the only people to consistently use it to completion. I’ve found it’s important to take my time and get all the facts straight, she said once, a trace of amusement in her expression. I remember that once, I was at a particularly important political ceremony – and if I’d rushed it? If I’d reached the end before it could be called off? Well, right now I’d be married to someone who was completely wrong for me. I’m actually pretty sure he was gay. Alec had glared at her, trying to stop his traitorous mouth from twitching upwards to return her smirk. (Magnus had made no such effort, chortling in delighted earnest.)

‘How’s Simon?’ Alec remembers to ask, before he can get too lost in his own head again. Which immediately stops being a problem, because Izzy’s hesitation and hastily-covered unease seize all of his attention. ‘He’s good,’ she says, too brightly. ‘Yeah, he’s good.’ ‘Izzy.’ It’s not a question. He raises an eyebrow, in a way that he knows Izzy will correctly interpret as Come on, you’ve gotta know by now that I can see right through you?

Izzy meets his gaze defiantly – Magnus has always insisted that Lightwood stubbornness is genetic, though he admits that wouldn’t explain Jace – but after a few seconds, she sighs in mild defeat. ‘It’s nothing,’ she insists. ‘It’s stupid.’ ‘Maybe it is,’ Alec says with a shrug, ‘but if it’s bothering you…’ He trails off, because despite how far he’s come in terms of healthy communication, he’d still rather leave certain things – such as I’m always here if you need to talk – unsaid, as long as they’re understood.

Izzy’s always understood him better than most. She drops down into a chair, gesturing for Alec to take the one next to it. ‘It’s stupid,’ she says again, ‘and I know it is, because things are going great with Simon. He’s sweet, and kind, and I trust him.’ She’s silent for a moment, and Alec prompts her. ‘But?’ ‘But,’ she sighs, ‘I’ve had a long week, and I’ve barely seen him because he’s helping Clary readjust to the Shadow World. Which is great,’ she adds hurriedly. ‘Obviously, I’m so, so happy she’s back.’ Me too, Alec thinks, because his brain doesn’t have nearly as good a poker face as his demeanour. ‘But she and Simon… I don’t know,’ Isabelle continues, seeming a little frustrated now. ‘I’m not usually like this, and I probably wouldn’t be if I wasn’t so swamped here. But I can’t help thinking… it’s Clary, and Simon was crushing on her for years before I was even in the picture. No matter how good we are together, how can I compete with that kind of bond?’

Alec’s not sure what to say to that, so instead he just stands up, and pulls Izzy into another hug, feeling her lean heavily against him. ‘I could always ask Magnus to threaten him,’ he offers. ‘He thinks the world of you, and after eight centuries to perfect it, I bet he gives an incredible shovel talk.’ Izzy laughs, pulling away, and Alec feels himself smile. Mission accomplished. ‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘Like I say, I’m just tired, or this wouldn’t even bother me. I trust Simon. And Clary, too.’ She wanders over to the coat rack, draping her jacket around her shoulders. ‘Now, you mentioned buying me lunch?’ Alec frowns. ‘Who said I was buying?’ He shakes his head in mock-disapproval. ‘Honestly, this Institute’s hospitality towards official visitors really has slipped, hasn’t it?’ They bicker like that all the way to the diner. Alec keeps an eye on his sister, pleased to see that she rarely stops smiling the whole time.

***

Alec wants to toss and turn, frustrated with this stupid insomnia, but he doesn’t want to wake Magnus. He sighs, his eyes not so much heavy as stubbornly being refused the luxury of opening again. Izzy’s words have been echoing around his head for hours, ever since he portalled back from New York – and now, lying in the dark without any distraction, they threaten to consume him with worry.

Simon was crushing on her for years before I was even in the picture. No matter how good we are together, how can I compete with that kind of bond? Alec’s hand shifts down to graze absentmindedly against his parabatai rune, and he sighs again.

He didn’t realise it until Izzy confessed her moment of insecurity, but Alec and Magnus have never really talked about Alec’s old crush on Jace. Magnus obviously knows about it – it’s one of the first things Magnus said to him, and it was maybe the first time Alec had ever been told that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Since then, they’ve been through hell together in every figurative and literal way, and throughout it all they’ve had such a whirlwind romance that there’s barely been time to think beyond I love you and I want you and always.

But now, Alec’s thinking that maybe they should have made time for this particular conversation. Though nowhere near as all-consuming as his almost-immediate feelings for Magnus, Alec’s crush on Jace was long-lasting and pretty damn significant throughout his younger years. And yeah, with the benefit of hindsight, he’s fairly certain it wasn’t even about Jace for the most part, besides the initial attraction; it was Alec needing an outlet for all his repression and shame, directing that side of him towards someone who he knew wouldn’t immediately hate him for it. And, if he’s honest, towards someone who he couldn’t have – so that he could hide behind that, instead of risking developing feelings for a more viable option, and then having to face them head-on.

But even if it wasn’t a typical crush, it wasn’t nothing. And Magnus surely has to know that Alec loves him, there’s no way he could think otherwise – but he’s been hurt before, too many times for any mortal to count. What if on the bad days, the ones when even the spark of Magnus’ magic seems to dim a little and the years seem to weigh heavy in his bones, he’s thinking along the same lines as Izzy after a long week? Remembering how Jace’s image appeared in front of Alec when they summoned the memory demon? How a part of his husband’s soul still belongs to a man he had a crush on for about a decade?

Alec resists the urge to sigh again, but Magnus’ breathing hitches anyway, and Alec rethinks – yet again – his semi-serious theory that his husband is at least a little psychic. He watches as Magnus’ face scrunches, his eyes shifting between gold and brown as he blearily blinks them open. ‘Alexander, what’s wrong?’ Alec huffs out a miniscule laugh. ‘Who says anything’s wrong?’ Magnus frowns, gently swatting at him. ‘Try again. Your thoughts are much too loud for everything to be alright.’

Alec swallows, wondering how he should phrase his concern. ‘Does Jace bother you?’ he blurts out, before wrinkling his nose in self-annoyance. Okay, in terms of tone, they’re apparently going for blunt and graceless.

Magnus’ eyes widen in surprise. ‘What?’ he says, a small, incredulous smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. ‘He’s annoying, sure; but he’s your brother, that’s essentially his job. Plus, since we moved, and he doesn’t just… show up at inopportune moments anymore, I’ve grown to like him a lot better. It seems he’s much more palatable in small doses.’ He laughs quietly – but when Alec doesn’t join in, his expression turns a little more serious. ‘Alexander,’ he says earnestly, ‘I knew your mother when she was still a Circle member. Never in a million years did I think that one day I’d be friends with Maryse Lightwood, but here we are. Trust me when I tell you that of my in-laws, your slightly-irritating parabatai is hardly the tallest hurdle to jump.’

Alec just shakes his head. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s not just that he’s annoying, or the, uh… boundary issues,’ he says, ignoring Magnus’ smirk because this is far too serious a conversation for him to use the term cockblock. Alec groans, settling back further into his pillow. He wishes he’d never brought it up, but it’s too late now. ‘I was talking to Izzy, and she was feeling down, because Simon was so busy with Clary that she hadn’t seen him much. And she started talking about how – you know, how he used to feel about her, and the… bond that still exists between them. And I just… I just didn’t want…’

Thankfully, Magnus’ face lights up in understanding, and Alec lets the sentence die unfinished. ‘Ah,’ Magnus says. ‘You’re worried that I may feel the same way?’ ‘Not worried,’ Alec says tiredly, looking up at the ceiling. ‘Just… I know it’s weird. And I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.’

There’s a few beats of silence, and then a hand is gently guiding Alec’s gaze back to his husband, who’s smiling softly. ‘Alexander,’ he murmurs, ‘it’s alright. I promise.’ He presses a chaste kiss to Alec’s lips. Alec’s eyes stay fixed on Magnus’ expression as they part. ‘Yeah?’ Magnus nods, still smiling. ‘Yeah. You’ve accepted my past without quarrel – well,’ he amends, when Alec arches an incredulous eyebrow, ‘with far less quarrel than I’m accustomed to. The point is, we moved past all of that. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I couldn’t get over you having a childhood crush?’

‘But it’s different,’ Alec insists, wishing he could just accept Magnus’ answer at face value and hating that he has to protest. ‘Jace is still in our lives. He’s still a part of me. That doesn’t weird you out?’

Magnus looks away for a moment, and even though he knows an instant platitude wouldn’t be enough, Alec’s heart lurches a little. ‘I’ll admit,’ Magnus says slowly, ‘that I don’t fully understand the emotional ramifications of a parabatai bond. I’m not a Shadowhunter, so it’s likely that I never will.’ He meets Alec’s eyes again. ‘But it doesn’t matter, because I trust you.’

Alec holds his gaze for a moment, a little overwhelmed. Magnus smiles again, more brightly now. ‘Besides,’ he says, shifting gracefully until he’s straddling Alec, hands either side of his head, ‘let’s review, shall we? You left Lydia at the altar. You pissed off Clave officials more times than I can count. You asked Stanley to turn you into a vampire so you could get to Edom; and when you managed to get there anyway, despite that brilliant plan falling through, you told me in no uncertain terms that you would stay there with me. Forever.’

He leans closer, his breath ghosting over Alec’s lips as he chuckles softly. ‘Not to mention, there were all those times you reminded me of that old superstition – how did it go? Ah, yes: Nephilim love once,’ he says, in a poor approximation of Alec’s voice that makes him smile helplessly anyway. Magnus’ smile widens in response, his eyes shining bright and golden. ‘Alexander, I hope you didn’t think you were subtle. Why should I worry about anyone else intruding on this side of your life, when any idiot could see how smitten you are?’

Alec leans up, closing the distance between them with a soft kiss, one full of promise. ‘Well, I guess you’ve found me out,’ he murmurs, a little breathless. ‘So I s’pose there’s no point denying it. I love you.’

Magnus gasps in exaggerated shock. ‘What a coincidence,’ he breathes. ‘I happen to love you too.’

It’s a long time before they get up and start their days, and the last thread of doubt in Alec’s mind settles. After all, it’s hard for anyone to be jealous when you feel like the only two people in the world.

~oOo~

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfic #malec #malec fanfic #shtv #shs #alec lightwood-bane #magnus lightwood-bane #isabelle lightwood #mine

[shadow-of-a-whisper]

The Sentinel (series) Ficlet, Rated: M

Naomi waited until her son's mug of chamomile tea was half empty by her estimate, and most of the tense lines around his eyes had smoothed out. Then she pounced. "Blair sweetie, what's going on with you? And don't tell me it's nothing. Even Jim has noticed, and we both know how... unobservant he can be sometimes." That was rich, coming from her, but Blair didn't point that out. She was right, Jim had been side-eyeing him with concern for days. The man wasn't as subtle as he liked to think he was. Still, Blair just shook his head. "It's not something anyone can help with. I just need to figure some stuff out by myself. You wouldn't get it." Naomi huffed and drew herself up to her full height. Damn, he should've seen that coming. He really was slipping. "Try me. Even if I can't help, I can still listen. You need to get this off your chest, it's obviously eating you alive." Blair ran his fingers roughly through his wild curls in frustration. "I'm in love with someone, okay? I love him, and he's straight. I'm a fucking idiot, is that what you wanted to hear?" Naomi's jaw dropped, but Blair didn't stop. Now that it had started, it was all pouring out. "You never wanted to be tied down to one person or one place, and I get that. You never met anyone you wanted to stay for, despite it all. Someone who made staying feel like it was a gift, not a sacrifice. Good for you. But that's not what I want for my own life. I want stability, and connection, and happily ever after. I want that more than anything. So it doesn't matter if he doesn't love me the same way I love him, that he can't love me that way. Just being by his side is enough. It has to be." Naomi was already shaking her head, clearly flabbergasted. "What does Jim have to say about all of this? Does he know this guy?" Blair stared at her blank-faced, and waited for the penny to drop. After a few moments of honest bewilderment, her eyes slowly grew to the size of saucers. "Oh!" "Yeah Mom, 'Oh'. That pretty much sums it up. I haven't even dated any guys since before I met him." He didn't tell her that he'd figured Jim might be able to smell them on him or something. Turns out, he would've been right about that. "At first I just didn't know how he'd take it. By the time I realised that he'd be fine with me being bi, it felt like it was too late to bring it up. It's not like that would've made any difference. He's never looked at me like that. I don't think the idea has ever even crossed his mind." On the other side of the loft's front door, groceries in one hand and some mail in the other, Jim remembered the occasional whispers he'd overheard at the station. Uniforms gossiping about Blair, speculating about whether or not he was gay. Using words far less kind than that. Jim had glared them down when he could. He didn't care what Blair might or might not be, that was his own business, but those bigots didn't get to talk about his partner like that. Naomi's voice was achingly soft when she spoke again. "Baby, why would you do this to yourself? It just isn't healthy." Blair's smile didn't reach his watery eyes. "He's worth it. He's worth everything, every bit of pain and sacrifice, and so much more. He's strong, kind, beautiful. I'm not blind, I know he's an imperfect asshole, but that works out because I'm one too. We all make mistakes. He's suffered so much pain and loss, and he still lights up the world just by being in it. Sometimes I look at him, and I just want to tell him, show him how I see him, because I know he struggles to see that in himself. I want to make love to him, because he deserves to be loved. I don't know how anybody can fail to love him. I want to give him reasons to smile, to keep glowing like he does. I want to light him up every day for the rest of our lives. I can't walk away from that Naomi, I just can't. I'm strong enough to live with this pain, I'm not strong enough to live without him." Naomi set her jaw in a hard line, as outside the door Jim slid boneless down the wall, parcels forgotten. God, he'd been so blind. Blair's distress, something he'd been catching flashes of here and there for the last several weeks, was so visceral right now that he could feel it buffeting him all the way from the hall. A hummingbird heartbeat, accompanied by the rasps of harsh and shallow breaths, fulled his ears. The hint of salt from the beginnings of a cold sweat, along with the indefinable scents of misery and slight panic, flooded his nose. The cacophony of sensations washed over him with all the force of a crashing wave. Blair's emotions had always been a bit... louder, for lack of a better word, than other people's. To him, at least. But they'd never been anything quite like this. Distantly, his ears ringing a little, he heard Naomi start talking again. "Blair, you deserve that kind of love too. If you walk away now, you can always hold onto your golden memories of Jim, and pretend that he might have loved you back someday. If you stay and wait until he finds out, until he throws you out of the loft again, it'll break your heart. I honestly don't know if you would ever recover from that. Please baby, let me help you pack your things." The door slammed open, bouncing off the wall with a reverberating thud, as Jim stalked over to where they were sitting. Without saying a word, face expressionless, Jim pulled Naomi up over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. Before she could do more than let out a startled bleat, he'd dumped her on the threshold with the abandoned groceries and slammed the door in her face. Nobody was packing a goddamn thing. He slid the recently installed deadbolt home, just in case. He went back to the sofa where Blair had just made it to his feet, his face pale and drawn. Jim wanted to die for ever putting that look on his Guide's face. Naomi didn't have a Goddamn clue what she was talking about. Of course Jim was in love with Blair too, *of course* he was. Oh. Ooooooooooooooh. Huh. Well, that was a surprise. In hindsight, it really shouldn't be. Some Cop Of The Year he was. Actually, it probably explained a lot. It definitely explained the way his heart was pounding, his veins filled with adrenaline at the thought of Blair slipping through his fingers. Blair let out a small, uncertain "Jim...", eyes lowered in mortification. That wouldn't do at all. Jim lifted a gentle hand to Blair's jaw, his midday shadow barely perceptible even to his sensitive touch, and encouraged Blair's face to turn to him. He was shit with words, but he tried to let everything he was feeling shine from his eyes. Whatever he saw there, Blair slowly went slack and open with wonder. Jim's breath left him in a quiet rush, as he let go and followed his instincts the way he only ever did with Blair there to Guide him. His eyes fluttered nearly shut as he leaned close, brushing his nose to Blair's cheek as he breathed him in. His senses were flooded with Blair's unique scent, mingled with the faint hints of 'unscented' shampoo and soap, the mild herbal scent of chamomile tea and the honey Blair had sweetened it with. The combination was heady and soothing all at once, the headache Jim had been sporting for half the day fading almost instantly to a barely-there throb. That was nothing compared to the tightness he felt in his chest as his lips gave chase, Blair's rising timidly to meet them. He kept it soft and chaste to start with, a little hesitant himself, uncertain how he'd feel about this new thing he was trying. He needn't have worried. The taste of Blair, added to his enticing scent, and the somehow unexpected scratch of the hint of stubble, punched the remaining breath from him in a shocked groan. He pressed his mouth hard to Blair's as heat shot to his groin. Blair whimpered, his lips falling open in response without thought or hesitation, his body pressing as close as it could get from the knees up. As if that had broken the spell somehow, Blair jerked back. "Jim, man, you have to be sure. I can't do this if you're not totally sure." Jim rested his forehead against Blair's, not ready to lose that precious closeness yet. "I want this, Chief. I have no idea what I'm doing here, but I know that I want to be doing it with you." Blair trembled with temptation, but he had to be strong. He couldn't afford to be careless with this. "And when you wake up tomorrow, with me in your bed, both of us naked? When it hits you, what you've done, and what it could mean for you? What then, Jim? I need you to really think about this. Think about who we work with, about your family. If we do this, I'm not gonna be able to hide it anymore, I wouldn't want to either. You know what that'll mean? Forget discrimination and unreliable back-up, we'd be breaking fraternization rules. Simon would have no choice but to separate us. We can't ask him to risk his career and IA's wrath for us. How long do you think you'll last before you zone or spike at the wrong moment, and people get killed? Even if you somehow survived that, you'd never forgive yourself." It was true, every word of it, and it was a hell of a lot. It was obvious that Blair had been thinking about it for a long time, Jim had some serious catching up to do. But he knew one thing clearly. "We'll figure it out like we always do, together. If we can't stay on the force, then we'll both go. I know that you mostly only joined for my sake. Yeah, you enjoy the work, but you still hate the violence of it. You're never gonna be happy about pointing a gun at someone, even for me." Jim wasn't wrong about that, but it wasn't the whole story either. "Jim, I could've worked things out at Rainier if I'd really wanted to. Edwards didn't have a leg to stand on when she ran me off like that, and my friends there all knew it. Academia had been losing its shine for me for a long time by then, the politics of it all. It just wasn't fulfilling anymore, not the way working with you is. What you said to me at the hospital about being a good cop, and offering me that badge, it meant the world to me. That you trust me to watch your back as your permanent partner, just blows me away." Jim acknowledged those words with another soft kiss before responding. "I do trust you Chief. That's why I don't want you at my back for the rest of our lives." He held on tight when Blair tried to pull away. "I want you at my side instead, where you belong. Between my skills and your smarts, we've got options. We'll find one that works for both of us, where we can be the team we're supposed to be, and still help people. One that doesn't have us both dodging bullets every other day. It's not like I'm gonna be young enough to pull that off forever." Blair's knees went weak, Jim's firm grip on his lower back and the base of his skull the only thing keeping him standing. "You'd do that for me?" Jim shook his head once, slowly. "I'd do that for *us*. Just like you would, like you did with that press conference of yours. You're not the only one who can pull off a grand gesture, Chief. Maybe Eli can find a spot for you on his next expedition, and I can finally take a turn following you around for a bit. I could be their security detail." Blair searched his face, but found only honest sincerity there. His love for the man in front of him, always a warm flame in the hearth of his soul, blazed through him in a rush of desire. His mouth crashed hungrily against Jim's without conscious thought, almost reflexively. Jim's body welcomed him back, pulling them tightly together again, legs tangling with each other. Somehow, that still wasn't close enough. When he pulled back, this time he pulled Jim with him. Jim followed him without question, like he always did, not caring where they were going. As long as it had a flat surface, even if that was just a bare bit of floor, then it would do.

#The Sentinel #Jim Ellison #Blair Sandburg #Naomi Sandburg #Fanfiction #Ficlet #The Sentinel fanfiction

[cristinablackthornkingson]

Shadowhunters Short Story #58. Baby Lightwood-Bane #4.

It is a chilly February day in 2016 when Magnus and Alec Lightwood-Bane receive the news that will change their lives forever.

It has been two years since Magnus and Alec adopted their youngest child and first daughter, Anna Catarina. Anna is almost two now and has remained a very happy, content little girl. She idolizes her brothers and is best friends with little Mina, as well as Clary and Jace’s daughter Lucie and Simon and Isabelle’s son and daughter George and Jessie. 

Right now Alec is sitting in a room that he and Magnus made into a type of schoolroom for the boys (and Anna when she’s older) working on some history with Rafe, though Alec takes Rafe to The Institute to train, he works on the academic side of his (and Max’s) education here at home, often with help from Magnus. Max is in the living room finishing up a lesson with Magnus and Anna is in Magnus and Alec’s room, taking her nap. 

“Okay Rafe, can you tell me the story about the first Shadowhunter? What was his name, how did he create Shadowhunters, stuff like that?” Alec asks, pulling the textbook away from Rafe so he can test him on what they just learned. 

“Uh well he was a mundane in the 11th century and he was a crusader, and he was really worried about all the demons coming in through the void, so one day on his way to Constantinople he met a warlock- like papa- and asked him to summon Raziel at Lake Lyn. He did and when Raziel was summoned, Jonathan begged him to mix his blood with his to create a new superhero race of people who could defeat the demons. Raziel saw that Jonathan had good intentions so he agreed and then gave him to The Mortal Instruments- like Uncle Simon’s band’s name!- then Jonathan used the cup to turn his sister Abigail and his best friend David into Shadowhunters. David and Jonathan were inspired by the story of Jonathan and David in the Bible, so they took that story and created a ceremony where they took eachother’s blood and spoke the oath and put the runes on each other and became the first ever parabatia, but their bond was broken later when David became the first Silent Brother- like Uncle Jem use to be a Silent Brother- and that’s really all we know.” Alec smiles proudly at his son, he was sure to pass all his exams in a few years with flying colors, he could do wonderfully at The Academy if he chooses to go there when he’s older.

“Good job buddy, but remember when you’re writing about this in your tests don’t mention anything unrelated like how Uncle Simon’s band is also called The Mortal Instruments and that Uncle Jem use to be a Silent Brother, okay?” Alec gently says. He doesn’t mind Rafe’s brief diversions from the story, but an examiner certainly will. 

“Okay, I just got excited, sorry.” Rafe quietly says, feeling embarrassed that he got distracted like a little kid .He’s almost 10 now, he’s a big boy, not a little kid anymore, like Max who’s still only 8 or Anna who really is only a baby. 

“It’s okay buddy don’t be sorry, you know I don’t mind you adding in little things like that, but an examiner who doesn’t know us and our family won’t understand it’s relevance and importance and could mark you down, okay?” Alec gently says. Rafe nods his understanding. “Alright, I think that’s enough for today, how about you?” 

“Uh-uh.” Rafe agrees. 

“Come on, lets go see if your papa and Max are finished, then I’ll wake Anna up and we can go to the park if you like.” Alec says, closing the textbook in front of him. 

“Uh-uh! Can we have pizza for dinner, please?” Rafe begs, turning his big brown eyes to his dad, knowing Alec can never resist his eldest child’s puppy dog eyes. 

“Well I’ll talk to papa but I certainly think you’ve earned it today, and I’m sure Max has too.” Alec says, ruffling Rafe’s hair as they walk out of the schoolroom. 

“I’ll go ask papa!” Rafe exclaims, darting out to the living room before Alec can say another word.

When Alec steps into the living room he sees that Magnus and Max have finished their lesson, and both boys are asking for pizza for dinner, so Alec quietly slips into his and Magnus’ room and make his way over to the crib by the bed, where Anna is sitting up, rubbing her eyes. He gently scoops her up and snuggles her close, breathing in her scent and pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

“Hi baby.” Alec whispers, as Anna clutches his shirt and buries her face in his chest. “Oh sweetheart are you still tired? Did you have a nice nap?” He softly says, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Come on, lets go see your brothers and papa, that will wake you up.” He grabs her pacifier from the crib and makes his way back into the living room, which has now been cleared up. The minute Anna sees Magnus she perks up and reaches for him. Magnus smiles broadly at his daughter and takes her into his arms, smoothing her hair down and kissing her forehead. 

“There’s my girl, I missed you.” He softly says. 

“Papa’s girl aren’t you Anna?” Alec says in an amused tone, lightly tickling his daughter’s cheek, causing her to squeal with laughter and squirm away from him. 

“You just love being with papa because you know I’ll dress you in something amazing while your daddy would stick you in the first thing he found, isn’t that right my sweet Anna banana?” Magnus lightly says, holding her above his head which makes her scream and giggle with delight. Magnus loves having a little girl to buy adorable dresses and outfits for, there is such a small selection for fashionable boy clothes, especially when those boys are 10 and 8, but for a 2 year old little girl, the sky’s the limit. 

“I just don’t understand the point of putting her in a designer outfit when she’s only going to end up getting half of her meals all over it and ruin it.” Alec says, as Magnus settles Anna back onto his hip. “Our daughter is the messiest little thing alive, you know that.” 

“Yes but at least she’ll be fashionably messy when I dress her.”  Magnus points out. 

“She’s going to end up like Jace if we’re not careful.” Alec teases. Magnus gives a fake gasp of horror and covers one of Anna’s ears. 

“Don’t you dare say such a thing!  You’re going to confident like papa, right Anna? Not an arrogant fool like Uncle Jace.” Magnus coos. Anna smiles up at him in delight and clumsily claps her hands. 

Half an hour later, the little family are walking toward the local park, Alec pushing Anna in her stroller, Magnus at his side and Max and Rafe running up ahead. As they walk, Magnus’ phone begins to buzz in his pocket. 

“Hello?” He answers a few seconds later.

“Hey, it’s me.” Catarina’s voice comes down the line and a smile breaks out on Magnus’ voice. 

“Oh Cat! Good to hear from you! Listen, Ragnor, Tessa and I are going out next week, do you want to come?” He asks, as Alec walks ahead a little bit so as not to listen in on Magnus’ private conversation. 

“Id love to however I actually called about something in specific.” Catarina tells him. 

“Oh what’s that?” He asks. 

“Well a few weeks ago the hospital asked me if I could work on the maternity ward for a while, cover maternity leave ironically. A couple of weeks ago a young girl was admitted with bleeding, thankfully she and the baby are fine, but I grew close with her and got to talk with her a lot. She’s only 16 and not ready to be a mother yet at all, she’s planning to place her baby for adoption, I showed her yours and Alec’s profile and she took to you straight away, she’s not in hospital anymore but we keep in touch and she’s always asking me things about you and Alec, she really wants to meet you, if you’re interested.” Magnus stops dead in his tracks when Catarina finishes her story. Not long ago he and Alec agreed that they would like to extend their family for the last time. At one point in time Tessa had been an adoption consultant and helped bring together many children and parents, so she helped them create a profile book, which she then took a few copies of to give to any clients she and Jem got who were looking to place their child for adoption, and Catarina took another bunch to do the same. 

“R-really? We only made up the booklet a few months ago.”  Magnus says in a breathy tone, beginning to walk again and running a hand through his hair. 

“I know but it can happen very quickly, I know with Max, Rafe and Anna you all found each other by fate, but with a profile book to show expectant mothers and adoption consultants it can happen much more quickly.” Catarina explains. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“No! We do! I mean, I’ll have to speak with Alec about it but I’m certain he will want this as much as I do, what’s the mother’s name? Is she mundane, Nephilim,what?” Magnus asks.

“Her name is Molly Bridgestock, she’s a Shadowhunter, from a very high up, proud, old Shadowhunter family. Her parents threatened to kick her out if she didn’t give up the baby, when I heard this I offered for her to stay with me or offered to contact Tessa, see if she and Jem could help, but Molly says she’s doing this adoption on her own terms, she loves her baby but she knows she can’t give them the life they deserve, though I do worry how her parents will react when they find out you’re a Warlock and you and Alec are a gay couple, Molly is completely fine with it, she was awe-struck when she saw Alec’s picture, truth be told I think she has a little crush on your Consul Ligthwood.” Magnus laughs lightly, not surprised that this young girl has a crush on his gorgeous husband, he can’t understand how everyone in the world isn’t in love with Alec. 

“That doesn’t sound like a good home for any child, is Molly safe?” Magnus asks in a concerned tone, more than willing to take in both this young girl and her child, if need be. 

“She says she is but I just don’t know, her parents are very ‘traditional’ if you know what I mean.” Catarina tells him. 

“Yes unfortunately I do. I’ll talk to Alec and get back to you, in the meantime can you give Molly my number and address and let her know our door is always open for her? We would take Molly in and help her raise her baby herself if she wants.” Magnus softly says, wanting to do all he can for a child in need. 

“Of course, talk to you soon.” Catarina says, before hanging up. 

Over the next half hour or so, while Max, Rafe and Anna tire themselves out in the park, Magnus explains the whole situation to Alec. Alec agrees to meet Molly and adopt her baby if that’s what she wants, or to take her in and help her raise the baby, either, whatever she wants. 

Magnus calls Catarina back and arranges a meeting with Molly for a few days from now, at their home. 

Three days later, it is a bright, breezy day, oddly warm for the middle of February. Alec has just gotten back from dropping the kids off with Maryse, while Magnus stayed behind to make sure everything was perfect for Molly’s visit. She is due to arrive any minute now, and he and Alec are doing everything they can to stay calm.

At 2:00 p.m. on the dot, there is a light knock on the door and Magnus and Alec exchange nervous glances, before Magnus goes to answer the door. When he opens the door, he is struck by how young the girl standing in front of him looks. According to Catarina she is sixteen, but she barely looks it, with brown skin, long black hair falling around her shoulders and bright green eyes, she looks like she should be preparing for her first Clave Exam, not preparing to have a baby.He can’t help but think that this could be his daughter or one of his nieces in the near future, and his heart goes out to this young girl, who is doing this alone with no support from her family. He doesn’t understand parents who turn their back on their children, no matter what his kids do he will always, always love them and support them.

“You must be Molly.” Magnus says, smiling warmly at the young girl standing in front of him. 

“As far as I’m aware.” She replies with a grin. ‘Sarcastic, Rafe is going to love her.’ Magnus thinks to himself. 

“Come in and make yourself at home, we’re so glad you wanted to meet us.” Magnus says, guiding her into the living room where Alec is waiting. 

“I’m glad you agreed to meet me, I’ve considered a few other people as parents to this baby, but when Catarina showed me your profile book it just felt right, I mean the idea of my baby being raised by The Consul and The High Warlock of Brooklyn is pretty amazing.” Molly says, her hand resting on her protruding stomach. 

“I’m glad you think so, though our kids often seem to think we are the worst dad and papa in the world because we won’t let them have chocolate for breakfast, I don’t know why we let their aunts and uncles look after them anymore honestly, their grandmother feeds them properly but Alec’s brother and sister seem to only feed them junk.” Magnus says in an amused tone.Though really he can’t complain, the last time he and Alec looked after Mina, Tessa had nearly throttled him when he sent Mina back hyper as hell.

“You’ll have to excuse my husband being a hypocrite Molly, a few weeks ago we were looking after one of our nieces and Magnus gave her basically all the chocolate in the house, her mother almost killed him when she found out.” Alec says in an amused tone, as Molly and Magnus walk into the living room. Molly laughs lightly and says 

“Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same, are your other children here?” Magnus indicates for her to take a seat. 

“No, they’re with my mom, we thought it would be best if this first meeting is just the three of us, but if things work out you can meet them another time.” Alec says. 

“Alright.” Molly says with a smile and a nod. “I don’t have that many questions for you, just one.” She adds. 

“What is it?” Alec asks, grasping Magnus’ hand in his. 

“Would you be okay with the adoption being open? Or at least semi-open? I want to be a part of the baby’s life, I want to be able to visit him and watch him grow up, and be there for him to ask questions when he’s older, and I don’t want the fact that he’s adopted to be a secret from him, I’m not saying I want to be his mother or anything, but I’d like to be like an Aunt to him.” Molly quietly says. She knew from the minute she found out about the baby that she couldn’t fully part with him forever, she knew placing him for adoption was the best for him, but she couldn’t hand him over and never see him again, though that’s exactly what her parents want. They wanted to send her away for the duration of the pregnancy and arrange to have the baby adopted out themselves, a closed adoption. They claimed it was for Molly’s sake and to save her reputation but she knows better, she knows it’s for their sake and that they’re ashamed of her and her baby,

“Yes we are absolutely fine with that, we never personally set out to have closed adoptions with Max, Rafe and Anna, it just worked out that way really, we know nothing about Max’s parents, he was abandoned, Rafe’s parents were killed in the Dark War with Sebastian, and Anna was abandoned too, but we’ve always been open to any form of adoption.” Magnus explains. “My friend Tessa Carstairs use to be an adoption consultant, she can help with the legal side of things.” He adds. Molly smiles and visibly relaxes. 

“Okay great, you can ask me any questions you have now.” She says, glad to have at least one worry off her mind. 

“You said ‘him’ when talking about the baby, do you know you’re having a boy?” Alec asks in a hopeful tone. He’d like to know if he and Magnus are going to have another son or daughter, he’ll be thrilled either way but he would like to know before the baby is born. 

“No I don’t know for sure, I just have a feeling he’s a boy, but if you two want to find out I’m happy to ask Brother Enoch at my next check up.” Molly replies.

“How far long are you?” Magnus asks, trying to calculate by the size of her stomach, even though he knows that’s not very accurate. When Tessa had been 6 months pregnant with Mina, Magnus had thought she was full term and asked if she was far from her due date, Tessa had almost killed him. It’s surprising Magnus is still alive, the amount of times he’s done something to warrant leaving Tessa ready to kill him.

“5 months, I’m due at the beginning of July.” Molly tells them, rubbing her bump. 

“I’m sorry if this is a sensitive issue and you don’t have to answer if you don’t  want to, but is the father in the picture?” Alec gently asks. Molly blushes and shakes her head. 

“No, I-I don’t actually know who the father is, it was a one-night stand, I don’t remember his name, what he looked like or anything, so you don’t have to worry about him.” Molly quietly says in a tone of embarrassment. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed Molly, these things happen, it doesn’t make you a bad person or anything.” Magnus gently says. 

“I’m sorry I brought it up, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Alec softly says. 

“No it’s okay, you have a right to know.” Molly says, taking a breath to ward off the tears. 

The three of them continue to talk for another hour or so, getting to know each other and their situations. 

“Well.” Molly says an hour later, once they’ve spoken about anything and everything. “I made up my mind before I even met you, I’m choosing you as my baby’s parents.” 

“Thank you, we promise we will give your baby the most amazing life, and you can be as involved as much as you like.” Alec says in a strained tone of joy. 

“I know things aren’t great at home, you could stay with us if you like, you can stay for as long as you want, we have the room and we could take care of you and the baby.” Magnus offers, unable to not offer help to a child in need. 

“That’s very kind of you but I actually recently moved out of my parents house, I’m staying with a friend and their parents are extremely kind and good to me.” Molly says. Magnus relaxes at this, knowing he won’t have to worry about his child and the mother of his child as much. 

“Well I’m glad, but please know that our door is always open, before and after the baby is born.” Magnus gently says. Molly smiles broadly and says

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” That night, for the first time in months, Molly is able to sleep peacefully, knowing her child is going to have the most wonderful life, being raised by two of the kindest, most caring people she has ever met.

Over the next few months, Magnus and Alec tell their friends and family about the baby and start to prepare for their child’s arrival. Shortly after meeting Molly, she invited them to attend her 6 month check up with Brother Enoch, where it was confirmed she was carrying a boy. Max and Rafe are thrilled at the idea of having a little brother, though Anna isn’t too sure about it yet.  

Alec insists on decorating the nursery by hand, not allowing Magnus to use his magic to fix it up. This is the first time they’ll have a new-born, Max was almost 1 when he was adopted, Rafe was 5 and Anna was a few months old. This baby will be days old when they bring him home, and they’ll get to be there for his birth, get to hold him and love him straight away. 

While Tessa was helping Magnus, Alec and Molly with the legal side of the adoption, she offered to deliver the baby, having spent years as a midwife (Alec wondered if there was anything Tessa hadn’t done.) and delivered hundreds of babies, including her own grandchildren. Molly happily accepted and ended up having the majority of the rest of her prenatal check ups from Tessa.

They decide to name Ragnor and Tessa as the baby’s godparents. Ragnor was surprisingly good with children, Mina absolutely adores him and is always asking about her Uncle Ragnor and it never fails to make Tessa, Catarina and Magnus laugh, to see their foreboding, grumpy green friend, wrapped around the finger of a little four year old.

Right now, its the last week in  June, and Molly is due in just two weeks and Magnus and Alec are gathering together just a few last things for their son. They picked out a name a few weeks ago but decided to keep it a secret until the baby is born. 

Currently, Alec is sitting at the kitchen table with Anna in his lap, scribbling on a piece of paper, while he talks with Clary, who is sitting across from him at the table, with her and Jace’s newborn son Stephen, asleep in a sling across her chest. 

“So how’s Lucie adjusting to having Stephen around?” Alec asks, knowing that his little niece was not too happy about having a brother, when Clary was pregnant. 

“Really well actually, she adores him. I was painting the other day and had Stephen on a blanket on the floor beside me, I looked over at him at one stage and found Lucie curled up beside him, telling him stories, it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.” Clary says in a fond tone, looking into the living room, where Jace is standing with Lucie on his back, her arms linked around his neck. Lucie is such a daddy’s girl, she has Jace wrapped tightly around her little finger and has done since the day she was born. Jace is a big softie when it comes to his kids, he’s happy to sit and have tea parties all day with Lucie, and he loves to sit at the piano with Stephen and play for him. Often on sleepless nights, Jace will take Stephen downstairs to the music room and play for him until he falls asleep. 

“Hopefully Anna warms up to her brother just as well, Max and Rafe can’t wait to meet him, but Anna isn’t too sure about him.” Alec says, running his hand over his daughter’s blonde curls. 

“I’m sure she will, Maryse was telling me the other day how jealous you were of Izzy when she was born.” Clary says in an amused tone. 

“Oh no, did she get out the baby pictures again?” Alec asks. Maryse loves to tell embarrassing stories about Izzy, Alec and Jace to Clary, Magnus and Simon, and the kids love hearing stories about their parents as little kids. 

“Of course, I never realized how much Jessie looks like Izzy, if you put a baby picture of the two of them side by side you could hardly tell the difference, and Stephen is his dad’s twin.” Clary says. 

“And Lucie is your twin, Jocelyn showed me your baby pictures the other day, when she and Luke were looking after the kids for us for a while.” Alec says with a smile. Little Lucie has ginger red curls like her mother, as well as her pale skin, freckles, green eyes and her bone structure, all she got from Jace it seems, are his eye shape, mouth shape and nose shape.

“Ugh of course she did, Stephen I promise I’m never going to be as embarrassing as your nana okay?” Clary coos, dropping a kiss to her son’s curly blonde head. 

Just then Alec feels a hand on his shoulder, and twists in his seat to see Magnus standing behind him.

“Hey, you okay? You look worried.” Alec gently asks, taking Magnus’ hand from his shoulder and pressing a kiss to it. 

“I just got a call from Tessa, she and Jem are with Molly, she asked them to come around because she was bleeding a bit and having pains but she wasn’t sure if it was labor or not and didn’t want to worry us if it was nothing, but Tessa’s checked her over and it is labor. They’re at the Basilias.” Alec’s eyes widen and his heart begins to race, their son is going to be born in the next couple of hours, they’re going to be parents again. 

“You guys go, I’ll call mom to come pick up the kids and Clary and I will stay with them until she gets here.” Jace says, coming up to stand beside Magnus. 

“Really? Are you sure?” Alec ask, trying to keep the panic out of his tone. 

“Positive, now go, you don’t want to miss your son’s birth.” Jace says, taking Anna from Alec and lightly shoving his parabatia toward the door.

Magnus and Alec quickly gather a few clothes and such for the baby and quickly portal to The Basilias,which is now located in New York.

When they arrive, Jem is waiting for them to show them to Molly’s room.

“Is Molly alright, is the baby alright?” Alec asks in a frantic tone filled with worry. Jem smiles understandingly, having been just as anxious and worried when Tessa was in labor with Mina. 

“They’re both fine Alec, Tessa gave Molly a painkilling spell so she’s much more comfortable, there are no problems with the baby either, come on I’ll take you into Molly.” Jem calmly says, gesturing  for Magnus and Alec to follow him.

Jem leads them into a sterile white room with an en suite bathroom, a bed,a few chairs, a tray by the bed and a nightstand. Molly is half lying half sitting in the bed, propped up by a mountain of fluffy white pillows, dressed in a white and blue hospital gown. Tessa is standing beside her, talking quietly to her.

Magnus and Alec stay with Molly throughout the rest of her labor, while Tessa and Jem come in from time to time to check up on her and the baby. 

When it comes time to push, Tessa sits at the bottom of the bed, ready to deliver the baby, Jem stands off to the side so that he can be on hand if anything goes wrong but he’s not so close that he’s crowding Molly, and Magnus and Alec stand on either side of her. Molly grips both Magnus and Alec’s hands in hers, drawing strength and comfort from them being there. She is just so glad she isn’t doing this alone.

Her labor is long and painful and as the time goes on, the painkilling spell begins to wear off and Molly begins to feel almost everything, while growing more and more tired, feeling like it will never be over. 

“Oh God I can’t do this anymore.” Molly weakly says, as the contraction eases and she leans back into the pillows, grimacing in pain. 

“Of course you can, I know how difficult this is for you and how painful it is, but you are so close, I can see the baby’s head, you’re almost there now.” Tessa gently reassures her. 

“You’re doing so well Molly, like Tessa said it will be over soon, then your life can go back to normal, you won’t have to deal with all this pain and morning sickness and all that anymore.” Alec gently says, squeezing her hand encouragingly, trying his best to be helpful. He’d never been present for any birth before, he had no idea how to comfort a laboring mother. He knew he should’ve asked Jace for advice, even though he was more of a wreck during Lucie and Stephen’s births than Clary was. Maybe he should’ve gone to Jem, or Simon.

“I just want it to be over.” Molly weakly says in a teary tone, her breath hitching in her throat as another contraction hits.

“I know darling I know, and it will be soon, and it will be all worth it, I promise you it will, I know this isn’t a typical situation but you will get to be in your baby’s life, you’ll get to hold him and love him as much as you want, while carrying on with your own life, knowing that he’s in good hands.” Magnus calmly says, rubbing soothing circles on Molly’s back. He can’t imagine how bittersweet this moment must be for her, not long from now she’ll get to meet and hold her baby, but she’ll also be placing him with someone else, unless she changes her mind at the last second, which is something Magnus has been worried about for the last 4 months. 

At 4:21 p.m. on the 16th of June 2016, Molly gives birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy, who looks just like her, with tanned skin, a mop of black hair and vibrant green eyes. 

“By The Angel, he’s perfect.” Alec says in a breathy tone, gently stroking his son’s bloody cheek, once Tessa has laid the baby on a blanket on Molly’s chest. 

“Molly you did so well, you are absolutely amazing biscuit.” Magnus softly says, gently squeezing her hand and brushing her hair back from her face. Normally Magnus reserves that nickname for Clary, but he has a feeling he and Molly will grow to be as close as he and Clary, and the nickname suits her.

“Thanks.” Molly says in a breathy tone, still trying to catch her breath, feeling as though she’s just run a marathon. 

"Hello little one, your siblings are going to adore you, and your grandma is going to spoil you rotten.” Magnus quietly says, turning to look at his son. 

“Anna is going to be so mad she’s still the only girl.” Alec says in an amused tone, knowing how much Anna wanted a sister, she thought it was only fair that the baby be a girl, since she already had two brothers.

“Do you want to hold him?” Molly asks, once Tessa has helped her wrap the baby up to keep him warm. 

“You hold him first Alexander.” Magnus says. Alec carefully and expertly gathers the baby into his arms, and is instantly brought back to the first time he held Max, then Rafe and then Anna. Holding his son he feels a sense of peace settle over him, and somehow he knows that his family is complete. 

“Hi baby, I love you.” Alec quietly says, taking the baby’s tiny hand in his and pressing a kiss to it. 

“What are you going to call him?” Molly asks, as Magnus joins Alec and slips an arm around him and their son. 

“You tell her.” Alec encourages his husband, stroking the baby’s hand with his thumb. 

Magnus looks from his baby to Molly and proudly says

“Henry, his name is Henry Jonathan Lightwood-Bane.” 

“Oh, after our Henry?” Tessa quietly asks in a tight tone, as Jem slips an arm around her waist in an attempt to comfort her. Magnus smiles sadly and nods, grieving for his old friend. 

“Yes, Henry was one of the greatest friends I ever had, he was a wonderful man and I can only hope my son grows up to be like him too.”  He quietly says, looking down at little Henry in Alec’s arms. 

“He’d be honored Magnus, and with parents like you and Alec, you can be sure he’ll grow up to a wonderful young man.” Jem kindly says, which makes his wife tear up even more. 

“And you say you don’t have a way with words, James Carstairs.” Jem laughs lightly and presses a kiss to his wife’s temple and whispers to her 

“Well it seems we’re going to have to come up with a different middle name for our son.” Making sure that Magnus and Alec aren’t looking, Tessa rests her hand on her belly and softly says

“Nathaniel, William Nathaniel.” 

Just a few hours later Magnus and Alec head home with Henry, with promises to send Molly lots of pictures and an open invitation for her to come visit whenever she’s ready. 

That night, back in Magnus and Alec’s loft, little Henry lays sleeping soundly in his bassinet by his parents bed, while they try and settle Anna in her new room. Half an hour after being put to bed, little Henry wakes up and starts to fuss when he realizes he’s alone. Just then two figures materialize either side of his bassinet. On his right is a tall thin man, with kind hazel eyes and wild ginger hair, dressed in a white shirt, a red waistcoat and black trousers. On the left of the bassinet, is a small thin woman with flowing brown hair and kind brown eyes, dressed in a flowing teal evening gown, that looks like it’s from the Victorian Era. 

“Shh little one you’re alright, don’t cry sweet boy, you’re safe.” Charlotte Fairchild soothes the baby, reaching out to stroke his cheek. 

“He’s beautiful.” Henry Fairchild quietly says, marveling at the tiny creature in the bassinet, bringing him back to when his boys were little. 

“Oh he really is, I can’t believe it’s been so long since our boys were this little, or our girls for that matter. Oh Henry can you believe they named him after you?” Charlotte asks in an excited tone. She and Henry had been shocked when they learned this little boy’s name from Will, who would often come and go to see Mina and Kit. Henry was and is honored and delighted that his old friend still thinks about him and has named his son after him.

“No I’m still rather shocked, but delighted. I’m so happy for Magnus Lottie, he was so miserable for so long before he met Alec.” Henry softly says, smiling down at the little baby. 

“Me too, Alexander is so like Gideon, and he looks so much like Will, it must hurt Tessa terribly.” Charlotte says in a concerned tone. She’s always looked out for her Tessa, and has always worried about her, even though Jem has always been there to keep her safe and Tessa is more than capable of protecting herself.  

“Our Tessa is stronger than that, she has learned how to cope with her grief, the sight of anything that reminds her of Will no longer drives her into despair and she’s happy now too, now she has Jem, Christopher and Mina.” Henry says. 

“True enough, now we better get this fussy little boy settled, if he’s anything like his name sake he should be dead to the world in no time, isn’t that right sweet boy?” Charlotte coos, smiling as the baby grabs at her hand and stares up at her in awe. Henry smiles warmly at his wife and says 

“Where did you think Matthew got his ability to sleep through anything, from? But you’re right as usual Lottie, you should sing to him, our four always loved when you sang to them.” Henry suggests. 

“Well it’s been years since I’ve sang a lullaby, but I suppose I could try.” Charlotte shyly says. 

In no time at all, Little Henry starts to drift off to the sound of his Aunty Charlotte’s voice, while his Uncle Henry sits beside him and holds his little hand, assuring him that he’s not alone. 

#Magnus Bane #Alec Lightwood #alexander lightwood #Magnus x Alec #malec #magnus lightwood bane #alec lightwood-bane #rafael lightwood-bane #max lightwood bane #anna lightwood #henry branwell #Malec Baby #charlotte fairchild #tessa gray #will herondale #william herondale #jem carstairs #james carstairs #Mina Carstairs #wilhelmina carstairs #jemxtessa #WillxTessa #Wessa #jessa #jessa baby #baby carstairs #kit herondale #christopher herondale #kit rook #Jace Wayland

[astronomical-fog]

born to sweet delight

Carry On Countdown Day 5: Carry On Prequel

Read it on AO3

Summary: It’s fifth year at Watford School of Magicks, and Simon Snow and Agatha Wellbelove have just started dating.

No one is exactly happy about it.

AGATHA

When I was eleven years old, I told my parents that I didn’t want to go to Watford. That I’d rather go to a Normal secondary school with my Normal friends, than learn to be a mage. They were horrified, of course, and I obviously didn’t get my way. I’ve been trying for four years not to be bitter about that, because if I got angry with my parents over every bad decision they made that they thought was right for me, I’d never be done being angry with them.

I’m fifteen now, and in my fifth year at Watford, and I still think I had the right decision when I was eleven. But I suppose it could be worse--I can still see Minty and all my other Normal friends when I go home for the holidays. And she isn’t the same, but I suppose I have Penny.

And Simon. Simon Snow, the Chosen One, the Saviour of the entire World of Mages.

Simon who, as of about a week and a half ago, is my boyfriend. And, really, I should be ecstatic about that, right? That alone should be enough to make up for everything that going away to Watford forced me to leave behind. Simon is the most powerful mage in the world, and he’s brave and selfless and noble and everything a fairytale hero should be. And who wouldn’t want to be loved by a hero? I know many girls (and a few boys) who would scramble to take my place.

But should I let them? I don’t know. I don’t love Simon, but I do like him. It could just be that love will come later. But I do know that Simon loves me. Or, rather he doesn’t yet, but he could and he wants to. And we just started dating and Simon has done everything he’s supposed to--I can’t break up with him for that.

I also know the reason I said yes to Simon when he asked me out. It’s because although I don’t know if I can love Simon the way he deserves to be loved, I believe that he deserves to be with someone who can love him with everything they are.

And if I care for Simon, and I’m the one he wants to be with, don’t I owe it to him to at least try?

A big part of the reason Simon and I got together is that my parents have been letting him stay with us over the Christmas holidays since we were eleven. As a result, my mother has been overly invested in our relationship since forever. Both of my parents adore Simon. (And not just because he’s the Chosen One and the Mage’s Heir--he’s also the perfect golden hero, remember?) Our one-month anniversary falls just a few days before the start of term break, and I know both of my parents are thrilled to have him over again, this time as my boyfriend.

I’m not. Thrilled, that is. And I don’t really think that Simon is either, which makes me feel better and worse at the same time.

As I wake up on the day we all leave for the holidays and go down to breakfast only to be greeted by a haze of Simon’s nervous magic, it’s definitely leaning towards worse.

“Simon, take a deep breath please. You’re going to go off if you don’t calm down.”

Judging by the reproachful look Penelope aims my way, this wasn’t the right thing to say. Simon winces and drops his butter knife onto his plate with a loud clatter, but his magic does retreat some. I can’t stop myself from glaring at Penelope. She doesn’t even attempt to look apologetic.

“S-Sorry, Agatha,” Simon says, attempting to smile.

I look away. “It’s just my parents. You’ve met my parents before.”

“I--y-yeah, but not as your boyfriend,” he blusters. “What if they decide that I’m not good enough for you?”

I know what I should say. That he’s being ridiculous--that of course my parents aren’t going to decide that they dislike him. They love him, and they’ve been waiting for us to get together for years.

Penelope, I know, would take me not saying so as just another chance to be cross with me. And it isn’t even like disbelief is the thing holding me back--I know my parents will be nothing but thrilled with Simon.

Also, the question isn’t ever going to be if he’s good enough for me. It’s always going to be the other way around. And the fact that I don’t know the answer to that question for sure is bothering me a lot less than I think maybe it should.

I don’t give Penny the chance to glare at me again. I very obviously check my watch, then gather my plate and push my chair back as I stand. “It’ll be fine, Simon. Now, let’s go. We’re supposed to meet my parents in twenty minutes.”

Simon nearly knocks his own chair to the floor in his attempts to follow me. There’s a snicker from across the hall, and my heart catches in my throat, because I know who it was from.

Simon is glaring, and I don’t even have to turn to imagine the look on Basilton Pitch’s face right now.

I turn anyway. And just as I thought, he isn’t glaring or snarling like Simon is. (Snarling, honestly.) His face is blank, and I can’t tell what’s going on behind his eyes.

Once he sees me looking, he breaks away from his staring contest with Simon to glance at me. It’s only a glance, though--fleeting, like he can’t make himself look away from Simon for more than a second.

I don’t know why I’m disappointed. It isn’t like I want for Simon and Basilton Pitch to fight over me. (They don’t need any excuses to do that.) But right now, the two of them are so focused on each other that it’s like they’ve forgotten that everything else exists.

Basil had been spooning sugar into his tea, and now the sugar’s falling from the teaspoon onto the table because he’s forgotten that he’s holding it. And Simon has forgotten that he’s standing in the middle of the dining hall and making a scene when we’re supposed to be meeting my parents.

With a sigh and an exasperated, “Come on, Simon!”, I grab his arm and yank him forward. He jumps as he breaks from his trance, and starts blustering through an apology as he dashes after me.

Right before I go through the door of the dining hall, I glance back at Basil. He looks away as soon as my eyes find his, but he had been glaring at me.

I’m still trying to figure out what that means when I meet Simon outside on the Great Lawn. He’s got a bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder, the jumper he’s wearing is bunched, and he’s breathing heavily like he ran all the way from the Weeping Tower to Mummers House to here.

Judging by how long he stood there antagonising Baz, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d had to run in order to make it on time. I try not to let it bother me. I was right, before, that he won’t be able to make my parents dislike him. But based off of what he’d said, I’d hoped that he would put in a bit more effort, for once.

Mum and Dad, of course, don’t care one bit. My mother steps out of the Volvo, and she’s hardly finished hugging me before she’s rushing at Simon.

“Oh Simon, you look so handsome,” she coos. She hugs him tight, and he’s back to looking supremely uncomfortable.

“U-um, hi, Mrs. Wellbelove,” he stutters back, and I turn away to hug Dad. (He only offers Simon a smile and claps his shoulder, and I think we’re both relieved.)

A few minutes later, my parents have stowed Simon and I’s bags in the boot, and we’re sitting side-by-side in the backseat as we head towards the motorway. My mother asks Simon a few questions about his summer, but that’s a topic he never likes to talk on. Eventually, she gives up in favour of talking to my father, leaving the two of us in silence.

Simon gets carsick when he has to sit in the back, so he’s turned his upper body determinedly towards the window. I’m relieved at the chance for quiet.

I think he can tell. He turns away from the window for just long enough to offer me his hand, and he’s smiling softly.

It’s my favourite smile of his. I’m smiling back before I even realise it, and I reach out and take his hand.

We each turn back to our respective windows, and we stay like that for the rest of the ride.

BAZ

“Simon Snow. Really? Him? Why’d it have to be him of all people?”

For the past twenty minutes, my dear cousin has been outlining for me in excruciating detail the absolute tragedy that is the relationship that’s sure to become Watford’s new Golden Couple. I’ve wanted to throttle him since the beginning of this adventure, of course. But since I’m disturbed, there’s a part of me that can’t help but take amusement from Dev’s rant.

“Couldn’t Agatha have chosen to fall in love with literally anyone else?”

Because replace Agatha with you, and it’s the same question I’ve been asking myself for weeks now.

I’m in love with Simon Snow. I figured it out a few miserable weeks ago, and I’d give anything to go back to the time before. The time before I realised, that is. I don’t think there was a time before I both knew him and loved him.

And isn’t that the bigger tragedy?

“I don’t think that one can choose who they fall in love with, Dev. That’s the whole point.”

It’s comical, almost, the way he gapes at me. He stands there for a long time before saying, “Baz… are you defending Simon Snow and Agatha Wellbelove?”

Fuck. I’d forgotten, for a moment, where I am. Who I’m with. That there’s nowhere I can be, and no one I can be with, where I won’t have to hide this.

“Of course not. But if W-Agatha could choose who she fell in love with, do you really think she’d pick Snow?”

Dev laughs, and just like that, everything is forgotten. “You’re right. She definitely wouldn’t. Who would?”

Me, I don’t say. Even though I’d like to. Just once. Just to see what would happen.

Although I suppose it isn’t true. Simon Snow is golden and noble and deserves to be loved more than anyone. But if it had been my choice, he wouldn’t have been by me. I can’t think of anyone who would want to love or be loved by their enemy. (Other than me, of course.) As if being gay weren’t enough of a slight against my station.

Not, of course, that any of my family knows this about me. I’ve thought about telling Niall and Dev before. I probably will eventually. As I stand and listen to Dev moon over Agatha Wellbelove and throw barbs at the boy I love, I’ve rarely thought about it more.

I’m almost glad when my father comes to pull me away. If I’d been kept there much longer, I’d be liable to confess my being gay in front of my cousin and every influential member of the Families that’s at the club’s holiday party.

Glad, that is, until Father leads me away from Dev and I get a look at the expression on his face. He looks visibly disproving, which for a man who almost never makes it clear what he’s thinking, is everything.

I do an excellent job, in my own opinion, of not letting the terror I feel show on my face.

“How may I help you, Father?”

His eyes narrow. “I couldn’t help but overhear, Basilton, your conversation with your cousin.”

Something about the tone of his voice immediately sets me on edge, but I’m not sure, yet, why I’m nervous. “Oh?”

“About Simon Snow and Agatha Wellbelove.”

I’m still not sure where this conversation is going, but the way he says my Simon’s name makes the swirling anxiety in my gut worse.

“Yes. It is rather unfortunate that someone such as her made the poor decision to pick him,” I somehow manage to say.

But my answer seems to please my father. His stance relaxes, a little. “I agree. Doctor Wellbelove is on the Coven, so it would be beneficial to have them on our side. If we could sway Agatha Wellbelove, we might be able to convince her father. And that brings me to another concern I have for you.”

By now, I think I know what he’s going to say. It isn’t the first time he has. Like all the other times, I picture Simon Snow’s face in my mind. Only this time, I know why I’m doing it.

“You are the last living heir to the Pitch line, Basilton,” Father says. “It is important that you pass on your mother’s name. You only have three and a half years left at Watford--it’s time for you to start looking for a wife. And I would like for you to consider Agatha Wellbelove. If you marry her and unite our two lines, it would be very beneficial to our family’s cause against the Mage.”

Minus the part about marrying Snow’s girlfriend, I’ve heard this speech before. In the past, I’ve held the image of blue eyes and bronze curls in my mind and told my father that I’m too focused on schoolwork to look for a relationship. So far, he’s accepted that answer--he knows how important academics were to my mother. But with Snow’s tragic display of his pathological heterosexuality, I know that excuse won’t work now.

Just for a moment, I imagine it. Not even a moment--a split second. But I imagine giving my father a dramatic sigh and saying, “Apologies, Father. I would, except not only am I too focused on schoolwork, but also am I flamingly homosexual and deeply in love with Simon Snow, the Chosen One, the Mage’s Heir, and the boy you have been grooming me to kill since I was eleven. Not that I have any intention of doing so, you understand.”

What I do say is, “Of course, Father. I understand. I shall keep that in mind.”

He nods, looking like I’d done the only thing he ever bothered to consider me doing. “I shall leave you to the festivities.”

He walks away, and I watch him. Once he disappears into the crowd, I take another moment to picture the smiling face of the boy I know I can never have.

And then, with a deep breath, I plunge back into the depths.

SIMON

Normally, spending Christmas with the Wellbeloves is one of my favourite things. I get to spend time one-on-one with Agatha, receive gifts, eat good food, and watch as many reruns of Doctor Who as I want. Watford is my home, but their house over the holidays was the first place I ever felt like someone cared for me.

I’d expected it to be even better once Agatha and I started dating. We’d get to do all the same things as before, only now I’d have an actual claim to be there. I’d really, truly, belong, instead of just playing at it the way I do with everything else in my life.

I think that the only reason it isn’t actually better is because there’s something wrong with me. There must be--no one else has done anything wrong.

I was afraid that Agatha’s parents wouldn’t think I’m good enough for her, and that I might have to prove my intentions to win back their favour. As it turns out, I needn’t have worried about that--they seem happy about our relationship.

I’d expected hostility, and I’d made a list of things I could do in response to it. I did not make a list of what I could do in any other circumstance. I hope that my nerves about being thrown into something I didn’t expect are a big part of what’s making this harder.

Every year, the Wellbeloves and some of their neighbours put on a travelling Christmas party. It isn’t Christmas yet, of course, but it’s close enough to that people keep popping in and out of their house to help Mrs. Wellbelove get ready. On top of the people like me that the Wellbeloves always invite into their home for the holidays, it’s a kind of organised chaos that reminds me of the homes, except that I’m warm and happy instead of cold and scared.

Over the years, I’ve met most of the neighbours, even though Agatha and I usually stay in the den for most of the party. When we arrive, I stop to give a hug to the Wellbeloves’ housekeeper, Helen, and in that time, several of them descend on me.

Most everyone seems happy to see me and while I’m sure that some of it is because of what I am, I think some of it is genuine. I get pulled away from Agatha as I hug and shake hands and for a while, I forget that I’m nervous.

“Simon, I’ve heard that you and Agatha are dating now! That’s absolutely wonderful, dear. I always knew you two were perfect together!”

At least, until that happens.

It isn’t disapproval either. Obviously. The only person I know who actually disproves is Baz, and it makes sense that he does, because he’s Baz and this is something good that’s happening to me.

No one who I actually care about has responded with anything other than support. I’d prepared for if they hadn’t, and in some ways, I almost wish that they hadn’t. I remember fighting about Agatha with Baz, and the nervous, itchy feeling I’d get when he told me I’m not good enough for her is similar to how I’m feeling now.

It doesn’t make sense. I know I should be thrilled. On the drive, I’d spent time convincing myself that being nervous was fine, because obviously it’s fine when you’re faced with people who are reacting badly. And because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Now I do, so I can’t say that. Now, I need to figure out a way to fix whatever’s wrong with me and making me see things this way.

But I don’t know what’s causing it, so I don’t know how to fix it. Instead, I do what I always do. I stop thinking about it.

It doesn’t take me very long to realise that that was a bad decision. Maybe I should have expected that it would be--I’m a shite liar, after all. Which isn’t helped by knowing that this isn’t something I should be lying about.

It takes me almost an hour before I’m able to get away from all the Wellbeloves’ neighbours. I just want to watch some Doctor Who with Agatha, so I’m wandering around the house looking for her when I run into Doctor Wellbelove.

He didn’t speak all that much on the drive out here, and I’ve not seen him since then. But right now, Agatha’s mum is out with Helen and another woman, so it’s just him and me in the kitchen. I immediately want to leave, but I also don’t want to be rude.

We stand in silence for several minutes. I focus on the nearly-empty glass of water that I came in here to get. When Doctor Wellbelove suddenly clears his throat, it startles me.

He looks almost as uncomfortable as I feel, but he still says, “Simon. Would it be okay if I speak with you for a minute about my daughter?”

I think it’s the wrong reaction, but his question relaxes me. I’m expecting that now’s when he asks me about my intentions towards Agatha. If he does, we’re back on familiar ground.

My voice is steady when I reply, “Of course, sir.”

But what he does say is, again, not what I was expecting.

“I just wanted to let you know how glad I am that you and Agatha are together now. You’re a very good person, Simon, and I know you’re capable of loving my daughter the way she deserves to be loved. I just wanted to make sure you know you have my approval.”

Instantly, any semblance of calm evaporates. My chest suddenly feels like someone is standing on it. (Or like Baz has pinned me up against the wall and is crushing my sternum with his arm.) I can’t think about anything except air and how much I need to get out.

But Doctor Wellbelove is still here, and he’s staring at me expecting an answer. I spit out something that I intend to be grateful and about going to find Agatha, but am afraid comes out closer to a jumble of nothing, and run from the room.

Instead of going to find Agatha, I race from the kitchen down the hall to the loo and throw the door open. I don’t even take the time to flick on the light before closing the door and sliding down against it.

The very first time I saw Agatha, I wanted her. She’s beautiful to the point that it doesn’t even feel real, sometimes. There was a part of me that was afraid I’d break her if I got too close, but a bigger part of me that was determined to protect her from other people who might try and do the same. I’m supposed to be the Chosen One--something like that should be the least I’ll have to do.

When Penny and her boyfriend, Micah, started dating last year, he was all she could talk about from the beginning. And being around him made her happier--she even let me go on about Baz and his plots for way more than 10 percent of our conversations, sometimes. Agatha and I have barely been dating a month, but that isn’t how I am about her, I don’t think.

But Micah left to go back to America at the end of last year. Penny hasn’t seen him for months. I see Agatha every day. It makes sense that I’d talk about her less in that case, right? Plus, it’d be weird to talk about her when she’s right there. And unlike with Baz, I don’t want to do so anyway to make her angry.

I’m not in love with Agatha, I don’t think. It’s definitely not like the way Penny feels about Micah. But that’s okay, right? I don’t have to fall in love right away. That hardly ever happens, anyway. And Agatha and I have been friends for years, but that’s different from being together. I can still learn to love her.

I killed a dragon when I was eleven. Falling in love with my beautiful girlfriend should be easy in comparison.

I can do it. I will do it. Because no matter what Baz or anyone else thinks, we’re meant to be together. It’s destiny.

Everyone I’ve spoken with agrees, even Agatha’s parents. That’s enough, right? Someday, if Baz or the Humdrum don’t kill me, the two of us will ride off into the sunset and have our happily ever after.

I repeat this to myself in my head until I’m finally calm enough to rise to my feet and leave the loo.

And if there’s a small part of my brain that doesn’t quite believe it, it’s easy enough to ignore.

#carry on countdown #coc 2019 #day 5 #carry on #i don't really know what this is

[sloumate]

Hello my friends! Here I am, once again, with a recap of the fics that warmed my heart during 2018. It was a bit of a weird year for me, not gonna lie, the first half was very good (I graduated from uni, so there was that, yay), but the second half was a bit meh :\ i lost myself in the absolute uncertainty of the future and anxiety has been eating away at my soul. Both the fandom and fics have always been a safe place for me, but towards the end of the year i started feeling slightly detached from everything so it was a bit of a slow one, even fic-wise.

Angst aside, good fics have always been and still are the best way to lure me right back in, and for that, I have to thank all the authors mentioned under the cut: you’re all legends and I genuinely hope you feel as loved as you made us feel with your words.

A big thank you also goes to a group of people that kept me updated on all fronts, shared with me some of these gems and definitely made my year much brighter: @imlt-archive​, @pinklucozade​ (who also made the banner above, so thank you very much bee ♥), @moonloueh​, @louistomlinsonsz​, @mattbelloumy​ & @nouies​ ✨

But let’s get to business: here are my favorite fics of the year. They’re listed in chronological order and the ones that are marked with a ♡ hold an extra special place in my heart. Hope you’ve read most of these during the year, but if you haven’t, well, here’s a treat for 2019:

{ 2016 / 2017 / more fics here }

As We Were, As We Are by jaerie / @jaerie / 51k / ♡

Alex is a British soldier who has been injured in battle, Louis is a RAF pilot with amnesia. Somehow they put each other back together even if they get separated along the way.

Now In A Minute by thealmightyavocado / @avocadolouie​ / 150k

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was. / Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

Try to not remember (rather than forget) by hereforlou / @hereforlou / 59k

Harry hadn’t left, not really. He had been right there the entire time. And that’s what had made it worse, knowing that his body was within touching distance but his mind, everything that made Harry Harry, was lost somewhere Louis wasn’t able to reach. He hadn’t left, but that’s what it had felt like most of the time. Just as if one day Harry had up and left him. / Or, the one where Harry wakes up.

A Study in Love by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 24k / ♡

Louis knows everything about everyone which has put him at a great and weird advantage over nearly all of them since the very beginning. He can solve any puzzle before most people know where to begin. He is rarely perplexed, mistaken, or wrong, and obviously, Louis is never ever surprised. And yet, his new flatmate after a very long string of failed ones has Louis questioning how he ever did any of it without him. [part 2 / part 3]

Chased the High by crimsontheory / @ireallysawanangel / 12k

Working as a fireman is a tough job. Being in love with your best friend and fellow fireman is also a tough job. / Or the one where Louis and Harry are both fireman and Louis doesn't know how much longer he can go on harboring his feelings for Harry.

When We Find Love by angelichl / @angelichl /38k

The famous/not-famous AU in which Louis lives in a house by the lake and doesn't know Harry is famous.

Take my hand and make the stars collide by tolvsmol / @rosesau​ / 15k / ♡

It all started with a few too many shots and ended with Louis drunkenly betting Harry to marry him – apparently “You won’t” is enough incentive for both of them, because now they’re at a rundown motel with a 24 hour chapel, and they’re giggling and kissing in the pews as they wait their turn. Except Louis sort of lost his buzz an hour or so ago, but he’s too afraid to say anything. Where does ‘marrying your best friend under false pretenses’ fall in terms of moral ambiguity? (Louis almost calls it off right then and there, until Harry admits he’s also dead sober, but… why not go home with one hell of a story anyway?) / or the one where what happens in vegas doesn't always stay in vegas.

Make Your Words A Weapon by HelloAmHere / @helloamhere​ / 36k / ♡

Louis is a music critic, Harry is a rockstar, soulmates are destiny but no one ever said destiny was easy, music is everything.

Simply Irresistible by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings / 12k

Louis only comes to town to start up a successful restaurant, but finds he can't quite leave once the job is done. Though, that might have more to do with him falling for his quirky neighbor than anything else.

Smoke & Mirrors by sincewewereeighteen / 59k

"What are we drinking then?” He asks Harry, claiming his place sitting on the stool by his side. “Tequila.” Harry replies. “Is this a good idea?” “Neither is sleeping with you, probably, but I’m going to do it anyways, so…” He hands Louis a glass. “Bottoms up!” / Or: the one in which Harry hates Louis, but doesn't know him. And then... He does.

Gonna dream of how you (tasted) by hereforlou / @hereforlou / 21k

The one where Harry needs a handyman and it turns out they have a bit of a history.

Loving You, It's Explosive by missyoubabycakes / 12k

Harry is obsessed with organization and Louis makes way too many jokes. Somehow, they're made for each other. / or Louis can't properly work because he's so in love and Harry just wants him to admit that.

Don't Let the Tide Come and Take Me by kiwikero / @icanhazzalou / 28k

The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free. They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye. / Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.

Into The Midnight Sun by summerwine / @smrwine​ / 63k / ♡

It's 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn't easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.

Sun Means The Sky'll Be Blue by PearlyDewdrops / @curlsandlashes​ / 91k / ♡  

As the only singleton under thirty attending his cousin's five-day wedding, Harry is desperate to find a date, or at least a reason to get people's questions about his love life off his back. So when Louis, Harry's old uni roommate and fellow wedding attendee waltzes back into his life, Harry seizes the opportunity, pretending Louis is his ex-boyfriend and that it's a sore subject not to be mentioned. If it's a little bit closer to the truth than Harry would like, well, he's a master at living in denial. So cue a mess of trudged-up feelings, past misunderstandings, a rekindled summer romance and a whole lot of sexually-charged bickering.

Keep this love in a photograph by suspendrs / @suspendrs​ / 48k / ♡

“I could never forget a damn thing about you, Harry Styles, not even if I wanted to,” Louis says. His hair falls into his face when he glances over at Harry, the moonlight reflecting off of it and making it glow golden, like maybe Louis himself is the sun. Harry thinks of how dark and cold his life got once Louis went away, how Harry got a taste of the sweetest sunshine imaginable and then was plunged into the longest winter of his life. He feels like he’s been buried under mounds of snow for months, years, and he’s finally made it to spring, finally getting another taste of how wonderful life can be. / Or, it’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

Wild Love by purpledaisy / 130k / ♡

Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

Ain't That A Kick In The Head! by lesbianharrie, wreckingtomlinson / 22k

In which Harry’s a disaster gay who doesn’t know shit about soccer, Liam drinks too many blue raspberry Coolattas, Niall knows everyone, Zayn looks dead, and Louis is Not Happy about sharing his breakout moment with “Drunk Hawaiian Guy.”

A Taste of Desire by casuallyhl / 104k

A Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world.

Tissue-thin lies by HelloAmHere / @helloamhere​ / 5k

Louis has a cold but he's FINE.

This Melody Was Meant For You by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 32k

The Marie Henry Conservatory of Music has been around for ages, and not once has it ever admitted anybody besides the traditional, classical music student. Or at least they hadn’t until a few select outsiders are let in to mix things up and to give someone like Louis a chance.

Loyal Knight and True by rainbowninja167 / @rainbowninja​ / 51k / ♡

In contemporary Oxford, Harry Styles and Niall Horan run a magical bookshop, unbowed by an entire academic establishment that insists magic doesn't even exist. Sometimes, Harry finds, it's much easier to have faith in magic than in himself. Louis Tomlinson is a classically trained poet who needs something to believe in, and Liam Payne longs to be a part of something magical. But when the lines between reality and fiction - poetry and magic - start to blur, can they trust each other to keep track of what's true?

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home by styleandsin / 43k / ♡

Louis needs a break from everything, from acting and the constant pressure of life in LA. He decides to move back home for a bit, some time with his family is exactly what can lift his spirits. What he doesn't expect is to fall in love. Both with the town he hated so much so that he couldn't wait to leave it years ago and with a curly haired florist that was the complete opposite of the guys he'd often meet in LA.

When the city shines (like the sun at night) by fondleeds / 37k / ♡

Love, Simon AU.

Oh, We're In Love, Aren't We? by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 30k / ♡

After sixteen wonderful years of friendship, it's hard to imagine any grand (and usually dumb) plans they haven't had or some type of mischief they haven't gotten into together. But, when Harry suddenly finds himself without a fiance and Louis just wants to help him feel okay again, they realize falling in love is one thing they haven't done, and that's about to change.

You came into my life by disgruntledkittenface / @disgruntledkittenface​ / 57k

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

The Second Hand Unwinds by FullOnLarrie / @fullonlarrie​ / 51k / ♡

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

The Lonely Planet Guide to Second Chances by 1Diamondinthesun / 102k

When Harry and Louis broke up, the last thing on Harry's mind was the non-refundable surprise trip he had booked for them across Europe. Harry was supposed to be moving on, not sightseeing with his ex. In hindsight, touring the continent with Louis was probably a bad idea. So naturally, that's exactly what Harry did. / Or, the breakup travel fic featuring romantic sunsets, awkward bed sharing, and second chances against a backdrop of some of Europe's most iconic cities

Truth, justice, and the gay way by hattalove / @hattalove​ / 2k

Liam needs a costume. Louis needs a best best friend award, a holiday, and to get a grip. (Harry's just in the right place at the right time.)

I believe him when he tells of loving me by bitterlee / 28k / ♡

Louis doesn't remember Harry. Harry takes him home.

When the Sun Won't Let You Sleep by allwaswell16 / @allwaswell16​ / 30k

Four years ago, Louis Tomlinson left the UK to live on an Antarctic research station for reasons best left in the past. He’s carved out a life for himself on the ice and has dedicated himself to his research, his friends, and especially the Halley VI research station. He’s less than thrilled when he learns that Harry Styles, a glaciologist from another base who once broke his heart, will be coming to Halley, and he’s definitely unprepared for the upheaval Harry brings with him.

Take It To The Limit by taggiecb / 35k

Louis Tomlinson enjoys the simple life. He has his house, his family, and his friends all in the tiny town of Petty Harbour, Newfoundland. When he isn’t spending the winters plowing out the residents and keeping Liam and Niall company at Payne’s pub, he’s out on the open water doing the one thing that he loves the most, fishing. Harry Styles is a traveler. He lands in the tiny town to try to find himself. What he finds instead is a beautiful blue eyed man who seems to have everything figured out. But even a brick house can be damaged by a storm if it’s big enough. Can Louis’ perfect life and their relationship survive the tumult that’s coming?

What Our Souls Were Meant To Do by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings​ / 34k / ♡

All Harry’s father wants is for his son to marry as soon as possible and give their family another heir. All Harry wants to do is fall in love.

Where your lips land by BriaMaria / 12k / ♡

A love story told through Louis' tattoos. / or the Tyler Knott Gregson-inspired AU where Louis is a poet who lives in Montana and Harry is a photographer passing through.

Just call me inspiration by hereforlou / @hereforlou​ / 51k

The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world. / Or, the one where Louis is a writer, Harry is an art student, and they inspire each other in very different ways.

Love Me Please by angelichl / @angelichl​ / 23k / ♡

Louis hates Harry, which is fine because he would really rather prefer to avoid him at all costs. The only problem? They're soulmates.

O' Christmas Tree by Justalittlelouislove / @justalittlelouislove / 15k / ♡

Louis has a busy schedule to keep and a daughter to raise. He definitely isn't looking for a relationship. Enter Harry Styles, a local Christmas tree farmer that seems just a little too good to be true.

For As Long As I Can Remember (It's Been December) by green_feelings / 128k / ♡

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet. Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

#2018 fic rec #hl fics #fan fiction #rec list #larry #larry ff #larry fics #ao3 #fic masterpost #fic rec #mine #ls fics #hl #fics

[minnuet-archive]

I’m Sorry, Logan

(I'm not talking about Logan Sanders, but I do have a character named Logan that’s based loosely off of him. TW: Suicide)

I wake up to my alarm blaring in my ears. My eyelids refuse to lift and the world is a blurry mess.  I stumbled into my uniform, the alarm still blaring.  Eventually my patience ran out and I shut off the alarm. My backpack is lying in the corner and I shove it on. I grab a granola bar from the pantry and run to the school bus that’s already parked outside.  

I jump into the bus. I walk down the aisle and all of the noise, ranging from random conversation to yelling and fighting, fill my ears and overwhelm my mind. I almost want to plug my ears, but someone’s bound to take offense. As I sit down in a seat next to the seemingly quietest kids, the horrible stench of  7 year old raisins with a generous side of sweaty gym socks permeates my nose.  I hate the bus. I decide to try to space out.

When I arrive at the school, I went into the girl’s bathroom and wait until everyone had left the bathroom. I look really weird waiting for people to leave, and I kind of care. I kind of don’t though. Once everyone had gone, I slipped out of my catholic school uniform skirt and into pants.

My mother had refused to get me anything but the “girl’s” uniform which consisted of a tight, long skirt and a blouse. I hear the bell and run to class. I burst into the classroom and slide into my seat directly after my name is called.

“Late.” I  groan and get out my homework. Why must it be me?

Vanessa and her friends snicker across the classroom. “Hey look, the plant’s here.”

My ears burned and I clenched my teeth. Those assholes. I’m not a plant. “My name’s El-” My eyes widen as I catch myself. “-Ellie.”

Vanessa gasps overdramatically and then says, “It can talk?!”

I don’t respond and give her what she wants, but it takes all of my strength not to. God, how am I so stupid? I don’t care if I’m using the Lord’s name in vain. I already let them know I was asexual! And if I let it slip? My name’s Elliott. I could just imagine the crap they’d do and say to me. What would I tell them? Oh yeah, by the way, I’m pangender. That would totally work.

I take deep breaths. I look at the teacher and zoning out is easy for me. The lunch bell rings after a while and I walk towards the courtyard, finding one of the trees in the corner that no one ever sat by. It’s kind of sad and droopy, just like me.

“Hey Elliott!” I flinch at the noise. He smiles and sits down next to me.

I relax and say, “Hey Logan. How was the class?”

“How was class? Class was bull crap,” I crack a smile and when I do, he adds “as always. I love how you did your hair today. It’s pretty.”

As I eat my brought-from-home lunch, I look at him and blush. He’s way too cute. I now turn even redder and look away as I shove my sandwich farther into my mouth. Too far. The lunch bell rings after a few minutes. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow Logan. Bye!”

He high fives me and starts walking towards his classroom. I walk towards mine. After Mr. Simon takes role call and I answer one question, I figure I’m safe and promptly space out for the rest of the day.

The bell rings and right as I’m about to walk out of the door, I heard Mr. Simon say, “Eleanor, may I speak to you?” A collective ‘oooh, you’re in trouble’ type sound comes from what’s remaining of the class as I walk up to his desk.

“Can I help you Mr. Simon?”

“Do you remember the dress code guidelines we went over at the beginning of the year?”

I start to panic. “Uh, yeah.”

“Then you remember that girls are to wear skirts and a blouse and that boys are to wear a button down and pants.”

I mutter that I might remember something like that. “Why can’t I wear pants? I’m not wearing anything completely out of school uniform.”

“Yes, but we have a strict dress code and you, as a girl,” I flinch at the word girl. Of course, I can’t correct him. “are to wear a skirt. If you come to school tomorrow wearing pants, I’ll have you change back into a skirt, confiscate the pants, and then call your parents.”

I nodded my head as if I understand, which I don’t, and then walk out of the classroom. I know he hates me, but I had no clue he would go to these lengths to get me in trouble. I really don’t want to wear a skirt and that was only the first time I wore pants. On the other hand, I don’t want them to get taken away because I had to save up for months to get them and I don’t want to have to deal with my parents.

As I walk home, I approach the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge and smile. It’s so beautiful. Late afternoon fog is quite unusual this time of year and most people don’t like it, but I’m secretly happy about it. Walking the bridge is a really nice way to clear your mind in the morning. The breeze makes my clothes flow in the wind. The smell of salt water in the air fills my nose as I approach one end of the bridge.  

I start to cross the bridge and into the fog. It’s peaceful and the moist air feels cool and nice against my skin.

After around 45 minutes, I come out on the other side of the bridge. I continue to walk towards my house.

I can’t wait to lay down on the couch and not worry about homework.  Not because I finished it, but because I’m a procrastinator.

I turn down my street and see my house. As I approach it, I realize that my house has been egged. I see a note on the door and run up and grab it. Leave our school, you faggot. You don’t belong here.

Vanessa, her boyfriend, and their asshole friends were right about the last part. I don’t belong here. I wish I could leave, but it isn’t exactly possible. I rip up the note and look up at the eggs that are covering my home.

Ugh, I don’t want to clean this up… but my parents will ask why it happened if I don’t. Plus, they’ll make me do it anyway. I sigh as I slowly walk inside to grab a mop and some other cleaning supplies.

I open the closet door and grab everything I think I might need. I’ve never cleaned up eggs, so I’m just guessing.

I walk back outside and start to wipe the door with a random rag that I found. Once I finish cleaning everything that I can reach from the ground, I place all my supplies on the roof overhang. I awkwardly climb onto the overhang. P

I got on my knees shakily and started to clean the roof. Damn, could these kids throw. It takes what seems like years, but was really a couple hours to finish cleaning the house.

I take a risk and jump from the overhang. I didn’t break any bones! Yay!  I grab all the cleaning supplies and shove them in a closet as I walk to my room. I get changed into some paint stained jeans and a band t-shirt that my parents begrudgingly bought me for Christmas.

I walk back out and throw myself on the couch. I log into an app that’s similar to tumblr except not as widely known. It has less asshole-ish people. I open a chat with one of my best friends,  AchillesWasTheOriginalGay™ also known as Bentley or Ben. Sometimes I call him Benjamin because he hates when people assume his name.

Me: What’s up, Benjamin?

He responds almost immediately.

Ben: You’re an ass. But not much. You?

Me: House got egged. Assholes at school.

Ben: Oof that sucks, dude.

Ben: Hey I gtg do homework. Talk later?

Me: Sure.

I turn off my phone and put it down. I hear my mom pull up so I sit up and take out my school binder. I place my homework from yesterday in front of me so I look like I’ve been doing homework since the second I got home.

Directly after I finished setting up my fake homework station, she walked in. “Hey, mom!” No, too cheery. Calm down.

She smiles happily, “Hi, Ellie!” I cringe at my old name, but she didn’t seem to notice my overly excited greeting. “How was your day?” My little sister, Adia follows her in and then runs to our room.

I consider telling her that it wasn’t great for a second but decide against it, because she’d just ask questions. “It was good. Yours?”

“It was fine. Busy as always.” I give her a knowing nod and then I see her smile slowly fade. I tilt my head in confusion. “What did I tell you about those jeans? You can only wear them when you’re painting. They’re disgusting and baggy. Wear some nice tights next time.”

I roll my eyes and she scoffs as she walks into the kitchen. She puts her bags down. Adia runs back out of our room with a stuffed animal in her hands and she sits down next to me.

“Hi Adia. Did you have fun at school today?”

”Yeah!! I played with Sammy.”

“That’s fun.” She smiles proudly as if having a friend was something to be proud of, which in my case, is true, but in her case, not so much. She has lots of friends.

I’m contemplating this when I hear my mom start to reheat leftovers from last night. She slaps all of the food on three plates and we trudge over to the table and sit down.

My mom turns on the T.V. and we watch a sitcom as we shovel food into our faces. Eventually, the episode ends. We're too lazy to change the channel, so we leave it.

My mom is seated facing the screen and I watch her chuckle. I turn to the T.V. and freeze. It's a pride parade. All of a sudden I hear Adia’s excited voice.

“Ooooh! Rainbows!” I look at her and smile a little bit. She doesn’t even know. Sometimes I wish I don’t know about LGBTQ+.

“Those rainbows are for gay people.” My mom says gay as if it’s the worst thing you can be.

Mom continues, “You don’t want to be gay. Being gay is bad. You’ll go to hell if you’re gay.”

Now she just looked confused. “Why is it bad?”

“Because a man is supposed to be with a woman. That’s how God created us.” Mom says.

I finish eating my food as fast as I can to escape this horrible conversation and then interrupt. “Can I be excused? I’m getting tired.”

Before my mom can respond, my father swings open the front door.

This time, it’s not just me who’s frozen. He’s holding a beer bottle. His tie is loose. The top button of his shirt is unbuttoned and it’s stained.

What makes it most obvious that it’s happened again is his eyes. They’re huge. And not in the caring way.

He smiles goofily and stares at Adia and I. “No hug? No ‘Hi daddy!’ or ‘Thanks for working your ASS off every day to provide for us’ ?”

My first instinct is to pull Adia closer to me and step one foot in front of her. My second instinct is to throw something at him so we can all run.

I hold back. Mom’s too close to dad. She would never be able to run away in time. He could hit her. Even break a bottle over her head and kill her. She’s not a good person, but she doesn’t deserve that.

“Go. To your rooms. Now.” I turn to my mom in utter surprise.

“But mom-“

“GO. NOW.”

I grab Adia and make sure she’s safe and locked in her room before running to mine. I press my ear against the door because I might be able to get an idea of what’s happening. I can’t hear anything.

I slump down and hang my head in my hands. Holy christ, what is wrong with my family?? Why doesn’t she just kick him out when he’s hungover? Why don’t WE leave?

I can't deal with this.

I'm sobbing now. I clench my teeth to trap the noise in my mouth.

Over the course of a few minutes, I draw myself up onto my knees and then stand up, walking over to sit down at my desk and start to scribble words that seem right on a paper. After a minute of writing, I reread it. It's not good enough. I crumple up the piece of paper and throw it in the trash.

I hug my knees tightly, trying not to make any form of sound. My breathing slows back to normal the longer to sit there and I grab another piece of paper. I start to write once again, this time neater.

I wake up the same way as yesterday. I put on my pants and blouse. I don’t care if Mr. Simon tries to force me to wear a skirt. I’m not taking any bullcrap on my last day of school. And life.

I walk onto the bus and don’t even pay any attention to the kids that are already on it. I hear a kid yell “Get off, dyke!” and I resist flipping him off… well, I try to resist flipping him off.

   I take my time walking into the classroom and I sit next to Logan. A kid comes up to me.

“You’re sitting in my seat.”

“Yeah. I know. My seat’s over there. Feel free to take it.” He looks as if he’s about to say something more, but he turns to walk towards my actual seat.

   Logan looks at me. I wonder if he knows something off. That taking some other kid’s seat isn’t something I’d normally do.

   If he notices, he doesn’t mention it. “Hey. How was your day?” He laughs and then adds, “Holy crap that was such a mom question.”

   I snort and answer, “Oh my god, you’re right. But it was good. I’m tired as heck though.”

   “No kidding.” I grin at him as Mr. Simon looks at us again. I don’t really pay attention in math. I just talk to Logan. It’s relaxing to not have to care. To not have to worry about the consequences to my actions.

   When we walk to lunch, I start complaining to Logan about how much of the day we have left.

   “Uhh, you know that we have an early day, right?”

   “Oh! I do now.” He chuckles and smiles. I feel my cheeks get a little bit warm. He starts to talk about some fandom of his and I try my hardest to pay attention.

   I don’t really know what triggers this, although I have an idea, but I realize something. I’ve never kissed someone. Ok, this needs to change. Dying a virgin is one thing, but never having kissed someone? That’s a whole other level of sad. I feel weird thinking this, but I know exactly who I want to be my first and last kiss.

   He’s about to start another thought, but I interrupt him. I don’t care. “You’re amazing.”

   He looks at me as if I said the strangest thing that could possible said. “I mean it. You’re always there for me and you talk to me about things we like. I feel I don’t thank you enough for that.”

   He still looks weirded out but smiles warmly. “Right back at you,” he responds as he fidgets with his hands and looks down at his shoes. I gesture for him to continue and, without hesitation, he does.

   Logan sighs and packs up his lunch as the bell rings.

“Hey, will you walk home with me? I know you normally hang out here for a while but I want to talk to you.” I know this is a risk.

   Just like before, he doesn’t say anything, but now I’m sure that we both know something’s wrong. “Yeah, of course.”

   We grab our stuff and we start walking. He starts walking faster and gets ahead. This is not acceptable.

   I break into a full sprint and he starts to chase me. We’re laughing so hard we can barely breathe. When we reach the bridge, were both out of breath. We bend over and start panting like dogs on a hot day.

   I break into a full sprint and he starts to chase me. We're laughing so hard we can barely breathe. When we reach the bridge, were both out of breath. We bend over and start panting like dogs on a hot day.

I stand up straight again and look at him. His face is glowing and his brown eyes are big and happy. He runs his hand through his slicked back (with both gel and sweat) hair and adjusts his glasses. He even tightens his tie. What a dork.

I know this is the moment. I move closer to him and pull his tie towards me with one arm and put the other around him as I kiss him.

The salty air blows through my hair and I feel on top of the world. After a couple of seconds, I step away. He looks confused. He wasn't ok with it. Oh god, what have I done? I'm about to keep running down the bridge when he hugs me.

This time, I'm the unprepared one. After a minute, he lets go and slides his hand into mine. We continue walking across the bridge. There's nothing we need to say and it feels amazing.

We don't have to explain ourselves. We can just walk quietly together. And it's not awkward.

   My happiness fades away as I realize this is the first and last time I’ll be able to do this. I couldn’t change my mind if I wanted to. I already taped the note on to his backpack when he hugged me. This has to be the last time. Nothing good can last forever. Nothing can last forever.

   We reach the other side. “Goodbye, Logan.”

   He laughs. “You say it like this is the last time I’ll ever see you. This is just goodbye for now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

   I feel my heart shatter a little bit more than it already had but I cover it up with a soft smile. “Yeah. It’s just goodbye for now.” He leans in and kisses my cheek and then whirls around.

   He starts to walk towards his house. I turn towards the water.

Tears spill silently down my face. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. I want to run to Logan and scream his name, but I can’t. This has to be done alone.

I lift one foot onto the railing and then the other. This is it.

One last tear slips down my face as I whisper raspily, “I’m sorry, Logan.” I know it will be peaceful. A quiet ending. Not that I deserve one, but I guess it’s a favor to myself. I let go of the pole that I had been holding onto.

And then I’m falling.

Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

Gone.

#love #suicide awareness #tw suicude #suicide #loveislove #asexual #ace #pangender #genderqueer #nonbinary #queerandimmortal

[akira-seijuro]

The moment of Fall - Part 1

I am trying to listen to serendipity right now by bts. And it’s still trying to stream on my music player. By the way, do you know what serendipity means? Let me Google it for you.

Well, it means ‘accident, happy accident, chance, happy chance,’ a fucking fluke?! I swear, those are the actual Google results. Why does it sound similar to me at all? Because something happened to me recently. I fell again. I didn’t want to use the word 'love,’ because it is too soon to be so much. But the word 'like’ seems to be pretty small. I blushed the entire day, spent my work in the poetry of my head, not being able to think how to troubleshoot a device because of my heart, yes not my brain this time, my heart. I’ll tell you why later. So, yes my heart could not let my brain tell the steps to my colleague who wanted me to help him troubleshoot. He was staring at me in blank, because he thought I was way too dull all this week. Well, my dear colleague, in my defense, I met the guy only twice and one of them was when it was my mission to unleash all the anger at him and the other was when I was so pissed at his best friend who was my first love and also at his other best friend, who was/is my best friend as well who ditched me that day.

The first time we met was when we were crossing paths at the gates, we stared at each other properly, probably the only time in those 4 years of college. A 3-4 second stare and no shit happened then. I always was intrigued by him and I wanted to talk to him, one, because he was close to 2 people whom I love the most and two because everyone told me he was a difficult person to talk to. It just seemed challenging and I’m really good at such things. The next time was when we sat down for the same interview. The thing is, he didn’t register in my head properly back then, because I was too focused on winning against him in the group discussion. They made 2 groups of the group discussions, both separate and unlinked. Destiny put us in the same group. I was sitting on the right side of the table (extreme bottom side) and he on the left side of the table (non-extreme top side). So it’s easier to say, diagonally towards the corners, but shit didn’t strike before. I was like motherfucking shit, this guy had to be in this group, I’m gonna get him because I was too pissed that he was close to Loki and I’m not. This is an exaggeration. I didn’t want to hurt him. I just didn’t want him to and most of his wing-mates sort of hurt me in one or the other way. So it was just my defense mechanism to get ready for the battle.

If you’re wondering Loki? Yeah, let’s call my first love Loki, my best friend/brother Oikawa (I’m a big fan of Haikyuu and Kuroko-no basuke : Japanese manga/anime - I used to be like Akashi from kuroko nobasuke - then turned to Kageyama - then turned to Iwaizumi from haikyuu, hence Oikawa, the best friend). Let’s call the man in the focus Chris. You’ll understand why in the coming words. I never once thought I’ll write about Chris and the encounter with him but you know life, it just simply sucks. Now I can’t find him on Facebook, probably he deactivated. So I went through Loki’s profile, the irony, but couldn’t find a single thing related to Chris on his wall. First I’m only going through to know his birthday because it has always been a compulsion for me to know the birthdays of people who impress me, I don’t even know why. A few days back, his FB profile picture was Red John smiley. I love Patrick Jane, Simon Baker was amazing playing that role. Are you fucking kidding me?! This guy is actually like 40% Patrick Jane. 40% because Patrick is so cool and positive on the outside and you know, smart too. Well, anyway I asked one of my close friends to check for his dob on LinkedIn because he will get to know if I went through. Let’s see. I don’t think there will be any luck though. So, anyway, I really-really-really- really-really-really like this guy, like Carly-Ray-Jepsen’s song 'I really like you.’ As I am writing all this, it’s becoming easier and it’s sort of like going away I guess or it’s becoming stronger. I can’t differentiate anymore.

My bro, the Oikawa kept telling me that he is the perfect dude for me, I was like dude fuck off. I don’t like any of your wing-mates. Falling for one, turned everything upside down, the next one is not going to be from your wing. And a few days back before it all started, he told me he met a guy who said something that mindfucked him. He didn’t want to tell me because he thought it will mindfuck me as well. I said try me. Then Oikawa said 'The guy I met told me that he will never have kids. The world is so fucked up.’ After 2 days of my clever bro’s contemplation, he asked the guy why? The guy said that world is so fucked up, the government, people and all - something on that lines, he didn’t tell me the exact conversation, so why would you bring kids into a world like this. Guess the first thought in my head, 'He is my fucking Thor.’ Okay, brief flashback - my bro promised me he will find someone for me and I told him even thor had to prove himself to lift the Mjolnir - the hammer. So basically I became the Mjolnir and my the one would be thor. Anyway, I refrained from telling him the first thought in my head and told him, dude, it makes sense obviously. What’s the big deal? Why would you bring people into a world like this? He was woah, this girl isn’t as mindfucked as me. Well, Oikawa, I’m a dark person who understands it better than anyone amongst your circle, Chris is exceptional though. I had a buddha phase in my life where I saw suffering, death, and loss of so many. Then I could not control it anymore and I told him, dude, you met my fucking Thor. Please don’t tell me he is the gay dude from the office because I’m straight. He asked me if I really wanted to know who. I said 'yes, of course.’ He said 'the thor is Chris.’

Fucked. Psyched. Fucked. I fell off as if there is nothing to hold on to. The moment of fall. Yep, that’s when I have decided what I was going to call this writing. Another heartbreak because this guy doesn’t like or can’t to talk or meet people. I don’t know for sure. That doesn’t even make any fucking sense. All those counseling sessions, medications have convinced me that it’s the fucking pheromones that made me fall for Loki, but I didn’t even ever say hi to this guy. Everything had a logical reason behind it until now. After almost exactly 4 years, since 2015, this is the first time it didn’t make any sense at all. I fell for a guy whom I barely saw, like a fictional personality. But he is fucking Real. All the bloody lump of flesh is real. But as my bro said 'that fucking guy is a chuth and the beautiful possibility might be ruined because of him.’ I am being fair now, he is not at all like Kise Ryota from kuroko nobaske, who is so outgoing and swag. Loki is little like Kise. This guy is totally different from Kise if at all he is -infinity% like kise. Strange but known coincidence, he plays basket-ball. I don’t like to use the words 'good, God and happy’ anymore. So I’m gonna say 'sound, nature to assign all the unexplanatory blame, blithe/gleeful.’ I felt so bad that nature is such a bitch it had to take away thor from me and it doesn’t even give me back a captain America. Because of the way we both were born, we can never meet. Ever. The next morning I called Oikawa, chanting fucking asshole while waking up and told him how disturbed I was, I am for Chris. It felt like another heartbreak, the moment I came to know it was him like someone cut my heart into a perfect 2 using scissors instead of a single stab to stop it. I used to have 1% belief when my bro used to tell me he was perfect and 99% bitch please face. Now it became 100% with another zero towards the right at the end. But goddamn, this is not happening. It’s s reality fiction. I called my girlfriend and I asked her if I can come over. She invited me to stay over for the night and I got mindfucked. She was like why dude? Did you forget me or something? Why are you so shocked. It felt so new having someone be so nice to you without even asking after a long time. She asked me to go meet Oikawa in the middle of the night. Even though she was sleeping, she woke up at 11.45 to let me out. 2.20 to let me in and 7.45 to let me out again. Such an awesome friend. I met Oikawa and we talked random stuff like he says. Then I came back and slept beside her on the floor even though she gave me a comfy bed to sleep in. I needed someone, I wouldn’t have minded if it were a hungry tiger sleeping instead of her. But having her made me feel so gleeful that a cold floor felt more comfortable than a fluffy mattress.

I didn’t fall because he is Chris but because I came to know about the existence of a probable person who can understand the darkness with which I’m living in, the darkness that I am. I know all this is might as well just be an image in my head.

Either way, I woke up heartbroken and reasoned with myself on the way back to my place that I’m simply just too broken. So stop searching to trying to fix yourself Akira, you are only breaking yourself further in that process. I am a broken human. My own brain fucks me up, feels bad and tries to make up for it and realizes it has gone way too far and gives up on itself. I am that broken. I’ll probably never have kids too because I’m too broken to have them, not because the world is fucked up Chris. I would like to tell you something. The world is fucked up, but with one person to love and to care and to understand like how you’d want her to, the world is not just livable, its everything but unworthy. The words sad, grief, depression, anxiety would still be applicable, so will the words happy, enjoyable and amazing. I know I just said the word happy. You might lose that person whom you have found, she might die later, but I’m sure she will give you all that you need to be hopeful forever. Let me love you, you will know. Serendipity ends now. Thank you, Jimin Park, for that beautiful song.

But you won’t let me in Chris. So it’s all still broken for both of us. Because we both are broken by our own unloved lives, but I think if it’s our love together, it’ll be happily livable and hopeful. But I know the way we were born doesn’t allow it. All I’m saying is we can still change it, we can bear anything if we can choose. Even if it's your worst fear, it's bearable if you choose. The choice is yours.

If you guys are wondering whether my friend found him on LinkedIn, yes she did. But that fucking asshole didn’t mention his dob in bio.

#love #heartbreak #life #you broke my heart #again #serendipity

[writers-shitshop]

better ideas n shit

Ideas for rps

https://savages-like-cabbages.tumblr.com/post/169708703381/soulmate-aus

💚Another soul animal au or animal related au

💚Another cafe au bc those bitches cute

💚Another writing sm au

💚alex strangelove/love, simon/the way he looks au

💚one night stand

💚Another house trapped where there’s no power

💚Another superhero au and maybe twist it so A and B work together but are so annoyed with each other

💚strippy au: bonus if A is the confident performer and has to give B a private show since their friends dragged them there for their birthday

💚You have your soulmates words written on your skin, except they aren’t their first words. They’re the first words they say after you have fallen in love them.

💚aphrodisiac au

💫Another domestic klance living together qnd wisdom teeth can grow in anywhere from teens to adults so wHoOp either Keith or Lance get them removed and fall in Love all over again

💫SOTS au with selkies n shit uwu

💫artist lance and photographer kEith(or the opposite again??)

💫 some dumb horn horn boys where lance and keith are friends with benefits or just sex buddies and go to parties and do dumbstuff and don’t understand pining, lipstick/catholic school ah

💫another kind of boarding school au where they just get there and absolutely everything is monitored at all times all the time and there are even people outside of the dorms listening but when the bo y s decide it should be fine to experiment, so they can woo the girls or something once they get back home they realize they lo v e

💫a klance au I read on tumblr where lance is a feminine innocent virgin and Keith is a badass biker edgy tattoo piercing boy and lance doesn’t even know how to be in a relationship let alone have a crush on someone but oops what is this weird feeling I always have when I’m around the edgy kid am I sick?

💫okay but imagine mega reverse godtier hs au where keith is the partygoer and lance is this virgin dork who’s just “whomst be care about parties im only here bc my headass friend wanted me to come” and he sees keith at one and instantly becomes gay

💫bbbbbiiiitttchhh,,, A has a disease that is unstable and finds out the day they might die while b is suffering and very sad and they only have a week left together and im aaAaaaaAAAA

💫klance masquerade ball

💫 risky business au

💫 long distance au with angst/phone sex??? idk??

💫but a being Altean but pretending to be galran since like idk they had to survive or smth and b realizing something just doesn’t seem right and oof they get into a relationship or smth and b wakes up next to a but instead of seeing them galran they see them as altean cause they fell asleep and whoops power went whoosh

💫neko keith where maybe it makes more logic based of some klancetober post where lance kisses the cat and poof it become gay boy

💫another thing because i opened up my notes after forever to update the lists: keith going to stargaze at a lake/bay and suddenly whoop theres this hot water spirit/mermaid and keith is AAAAA

💫Modern day klance where a is a nurse or doctor or smth and b is a vampire who tries to break in to steal blood but whoops why did a stay late after work that was a mistake

💫rich boy lance with a mansion or whatever becoming infatuated with this stupid punk kid from school

💫 lance is a witch and goes into an abandoned church and oh shit theres a hottie vampire there

💫 Tattoo artist au

💫CouGh Klance au where a is a naïve explorer and b is a siren who has killer toNs of people by luring them in but for some reason as they hypnotize a they can’t bring themselves to kill them so they hide them in their room instead because their family thinks they killed them

💫an au where keith owns a simple bakery or shop or something and wears cute dresses and aprons and the town enigma lance stops in for like two seconds but instantly becomes gay for keith, ok but an addition: keith being secretly a witch and going out into the woods at night and stuff to practice magic but lance follows him and oHjKskamaAAAA

💫college klance where Lance is a grade B douche cause he’s my Taylor level but you know what I mean and he’s strictly straight but Keith is out and is his roommate so Lance always teases him about it and Keith is so pissed cause he wants to punch that mofo in the face but he also wants to kiss him gently and have him hold him close- so Keith gets so fed up one night when Lance is being extra teasing and annoying with the iM StrAgith biTches thing so Keith acts all sexy to prove him wrong and is shocked because what the fuck Wait thAT WORKED

💚ONE SIDED SOULMATE AU WHERE YOU DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE GENE OR NOT SOMCE ONLY ONE (1) OF THE PEOPLE DO. So only one person out of the two soulmates can see the others light, the other one can’t. So if your soulmate never finds you you don’t know if you’re the light or if you just haven’t found the light of your life yet. A light only appears in the seeker chest once they find their soulmate o o f

💫ok but klance taking a trip to the snow and renting a cabin and drinking hot chocolate and and making really ugly snowmen together and UWUWUSKSMAK

💚(???)) sksksjs jack and the cuckoo clock heart??

[nickrbockr]

Simon Vs Fan Fic: Chapter 4 - Trust your Gut

I landed early and Leah was there to pick my tired butt up from the trip (I can never sleep on planes). I told her it had to happen in Shady Creek and she was on board with it and that made me feel better. Our first day back was filled with catching up in between first day boring syllabus reviews in classes.

Freshman are forced to live on campus their first year and I had an interesting, but forgettable roommate. I have friends in the theatre department here, but starting sophomore year, Leah and I lived together in a nice (and affordable) apartment. Mom and Dad helped us with the rent, Dad being happy that it was the last year he had to pay. People kept telling us we were crazy to live with a friend, but since we’ve been friends for so long and Leah is…well Leah, who always spoke her mind, we never had any issues.

Luckily for both of us, we are great cooks at exceedingly different aspects. I am a stovetop master and handle dinners and savory breakfasts and Leah is a baking champion and handles sweet breakfasts and lunches. Yin-Yang of food: I wake up to waffles and Leah comes home to stir-fry. It’s a match made in love handles.

Ever since my best friend in the department caught on, Ian would come over from time to time to eat both breakfast and dinner, and we swore lunch because our peanut butter would mysteriously be consumed at a fast rate. Ian’s a diamond in the rough in the sense that is he one of the only straight men in the theatre department. This makes him a perfect ladies man because everyone assumes he’s gay when we go out together, girls talk to us, I tell him ‘Oh, my boyfriend’s calling me,’ and that opens the conversation to his heterosexuality and he leaves me with a wink and a finger gun.  I’d give it the ‘ol Leah exhale if Ian and I hadn’t perfected it so much.

Outside of that aspect of Ian, he’s a great actor and has, on the hateful occasions, defended me against some drunk country boys at the city bars. Leah calls me his ward and Bram found it too funny. It’s not that funny, but Ian is a guy I know I’ll be friends with for the rest of my life.

“Aaaaaaaaayooooooooo Si-Si,” Ian yelled as he busted in the door and bear hugged me.

“Ugh, I regret it giving him a key already,” Leah said, not standing from the dinner table.

“What’s on the menu tonight?”

“Chicken BLT with pesto mayo and rice.”

Ian glanced over at Leah, “The TA checks musta kicked in with a two course meal, Le Burke.”

Leah and I both paid equally for the food, but Leah was the one who did the shopping. Because she loved it. Also, she actually doesn’t mind Ian’s nickname for her because he gives it a French pronunciation. Also, and she’ll never admit this because it’s against everything she believes, but she maaaaaay have a slight crush on him.

“It’s our last year Ian, may as well live it up, right?”

We all ate and caught up from the summer. Leah regaled us of her TA duties by day, and wine-infused studying by summer night, I bragged about Bram & I’s historic Splash Pad attendance since Bram saw my minute abs I formed junior year and wanted to show me off, and Ian explained his summer back in South Dakota camping every weekend with his high school buddies.

“Dude, have you ever seen the stars without light pollution?” Ian asked, in a serious tone.

“Yes, Ian, Si and I have the capability of turning our head up.” Leah said sarcastically.

“Yeah, but when you did, were you within or outside of the yellow light of the city.”

“Come on, Ian, Midwest dudes aren’t the only dudes who can see stars,” I validate. It reminded me of when Bram and I took a trip this summer with Nick & Abby to an AirBnB beach house. All days were spent as a group, but once the sun finally set, it was hard to not sneak into our bedrooms at opposite ends of the house and do what couples do. I try not to tell Leah about too much as she gets mad FOMO (fear of missing out).

“Okay, so you know what that looks like when the sky comes to life and you see the billions of other starts that you normally can’t see and all it took was unplugging and going out on your adventure.”

“But you don’t need just to see stars to feel that way, Ian,” Leah claims.

“Okay Le Burke, fine, but we all have that place we can go that makes us emotionally unpack, and not in the lets talk about our feelings way, but in the I feel less pressure from society and what it expects of me way. Where’s that for you?” Ian points at her.

“My bedroom.” Leah states.

“Your bedroom? Really?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“I dunno, seems trapped to me.” Ian answers, helping himself to the last BLT.

“You’re an extrovert, I’m an introvert, I don’t see a cramped room, I see a space in the entire universe that is built specifically for me and my liking and it relaxes me!”

Ian took a big bite and replied with a mouth full, “You know what, you got a point Le Burke.”

“Enough time around me, you’ll find I always know what I’m talking about.”

“What about you, Simon?” Ian asked.

I hadn’t been listening the conversation. When Ian asked about the place where we can emotionally unpack, all I could think about was that night on the Ferris wheel with soft eyes Bram Greenfeld in his strong arms next to his soccer calves. Though many people were around us, that little carriage built for two felt the most weight lifting experience.

“Si? Earth-to-Si,” Leah said in a robot voice.

“The ring,” I start. “Would it be tacky to get a ring that looks like a ferris wheel?”

“I didn’t take you for the man jewelry type, Si” Ian laughed, taking another bite that was probably a bit too big.

“A ferris wheel would just look like a merry-go-round on its side and I don’t think that’s cute.” Leah replied. “Besides, it would be a statement engagement ring and Bram isn’t really a statement jewelry person.”

“Engagement ring?” Ian muffled out of his mouth. “Are you proposing to Bram?”

“Oh, shit. Yes, Ian, I’m proposing to Bram in January.”

Ian spit out the food onto his plate to the lament of Leah and powered over to me to give me another bear hug.

“Fuck yeah Si! That’s so fuckin’ cool congratulations!”

Ian is obsessed with Bram. On the occasions Bram visited me up here, Ian steals him away so they can talk about soccer. Bram loves it because it’s hard to talk soccer in Baltimore, so I usually have to peel Ian off of Bram. Ian always asks Bram jokingly if he has a sister and Bram always lets him know she’s only five.

He finally let me go and went back to his spit out food and put it back in his mouth to finish.

“Are you fucking serious Ian?!” Leah screamed.

“I don’t want to waste food on such a beautiful evening. We have to celebrate.”

Celebrating turned into shots and beers and the rest of the night we spent talking about the show line up for our senior year and which roles we’d want verses the one we may be assigned. Leah explained her classes and we got into brief sociology based debates. Around one A.M., Ian was asleep on the couch and Leah and I were in my room, head to head, just like in high school.

“So I was thinking and you’re right, I think the ferris wheel ring maybe too much.”

“Maybe a little.” Leah replied in a slight slur. “It could have been worse, you could have suggested an Oreo ring.”

She’s right, unfortunately. We both laughed a drunken laugh.

“Know of any cool ring shops in New Haven?” I ask. “I wanna start looking.”

“Si, don’t rush this. Let the ring find you. The one ring-”

“TO RULE THEM ALL!” We both finish.

“When I brought it up to Dad, he just said ‘do you trust me’ and so I don’t know if he’s helping me or not.” I explain.

“Maybe trust your Dad. You’ll be proposing in Shady C anyway, take a chance on your Jack Spier.”

We both chuckle and talk a few more minutes until Leah goes to bed and I’m left staring at my ceiling. I grabbed my laptop and began some drunken Google searching for engagement ring ideas and of course they’re all the most un-Bram like options.

But…like what could I get Bram that will scream us, but at the same time be elegant and show how much I love him? I am leaning towards no stone…I think Bram and I are simple folk with simple tastes. Bram tastes like…no, focus, get my hand out of my pants.

Should I put the ring in a sleeve of Oreos and have him open it? I mean, it know how tacky it sounds because it’s so tacky, but would Bram like how tacky it is and just think it’s cute? Where is the tipping point!?

Bzzz

Bram I hope you had a good first day! I’m assuming Ian’s passed out already? ;)

And just like that, my ring anxiety began to dissolve.

                                                                                               I did and he is!                                                             For a bro, he’s not much of a drinker

. .. … If you talk about soccer, he’ll drink you under the table. He runs on pure adrenaline when you bring up Argentina.

                                                           You know I tried, and it didn’t work                             I think I’m missing the Bram-factor in my conversation

. .. … I’m missing the Simon-Spier.

                                                           Strange, I thought you had my heart                                         Be sure you don’t lose it, it’s the only one I have

. .. … I keep it in the space mine was because you seem have taken mine.

                                                                                                                 <3              Above is evidence I have yours, show me mine so I know it’s safe

. .. … <3 It isn’t going anywhere. Oh, also, I almost forgot. Mom is going to be in New Haven guest lecturing for the...ugh, Women Sexual Studies Class.

Holy shit, this is perfect. I was going to call her but this is a thousand times better. In person, somehow, seems easier because I can see her reactions. Bram’s Mom and I get along great…I think. She allows me to call her by her first name, Tracy, so that’s a start. I just don’t think we’ve ever really had a chance to talk about anything but Bram, so our relationship is just a little one-note, but think we’re both okay talking about Bram that much.

                        Even after four years, Ms Every Time Including Oral strikes again!                                               That’s great, I’ll call her tomorrow to get the details.                                                                                                 I’ll make her dinner.                                             Remind me, her favorite dish is baked salmon right?

. .. … Yes. Simon, you’re too kind. You don’t even like salmon.

                                                                                               Yeah, but I love you.

. .. … <<33 That’s your big heart, still with me. I love you more.

                                                                                                             Impossible.

I fall asleep and wake up to my alarm and more textual love from Bram. I roll out of bed, shower, and get Ian’s ass up for class. Leah already had an egg bake on the table with a note that said ‘Warm me for a minute in the microwave nerds.’ Ian stuffs an extra large portion in his mouth and straps on his bag. I pull us out the door and we jump into Ian’s beat-up Buick to Acting IV.

At lunch I call Tracy and she let’s me know she’ll be here Thursday night for a full day of lectures on Friday. She sounded excited to be asked to lecture and hopefully a good mood enough to hear me wanting to marry her son.

Tuesday comes and goes (for dinner it was just Leah and me and I made us homemade pizza with a cauliflower crust and actually. Actually it wasn’t half bad. Normal crust is always better, but it wasn’t bad).

Wednesday night Leah and I are in the library, me searching for monologues and she posting up to help the Intro to Sociology class students write a big surprise essay assigned by a notoriously hard professor.

“I hope the sociology professors see the irony in making me slave away helping their students cause they’re too lazy.” Leah scoffs, chewing a big piece of pink bubblegum.

“Isn’t that the gig of a Teacher’s Assistant?” I’m burning through stacks of books I stole from the shelves and have a few to photocopy of already earmarked monologues from actor’s past.

“Be on the right side of history, Simon. I’m supposed to assist the teacher, not the student. I got the salmon, by the way, I pulled it from the freezer this morning.”

I gave her a puppy dog smile and head tilt. “This is why you’re the Queen.”

“Damn straight. Know what you’re going to say?”

“No,” I reply. “But I’ve landed the best people in my life by going in without a plan…pretty much my entire life is that.”

“I’m not here to be your English professor, Google how to set up a works cited page!” Leah shouts at a baby freshman. He runs off and frantically types away at his laptop. “Trust your gut, Si, trust your gut. All of it except the part that thought a ferris wheel ring, though, throw that part in the trash.”

I scanned copies of the chosen monologues to work on and we went home. Abby and Nick Skyped us and we all caught up since leaving each other this summer. We planned trips and talked about classes and how Abby and Nick saw Benedict Cumberbatch walking in New York. I fell asleep that night as a usually do, texting Bram, and woke up Thursday morning to cook Leah and I omelets. The rest of the day flew by because before I knew it I was back at home prepping dinner.

I tidied up the apartment as Leah left to study at the library again. She was worried the students would still be there and ask her for helps so she, honest to God, wore a wig to throw them off. I chuckled as she sashayed out the door. Even though I don’t like to eat salmon, I’m a natural when it comes to cooking it and I had all the food ready as soon as Tracy knocked at the door. We hugged and exchanged kisses on the cheek as she presented a bottle of red wine. Then she flew past me into the kitchen and she checked the salmon.

After a deep inhale, she smiled. “Simon, I must say you know how to season.”

“Practice makes perfect, Tracy.”

We made small talk about her trip up here, which evolved into her career taking off. That quickly transitioned into the points she was covering in her lecture during the classes until we both finished eating, but she saw me playing with remnants of potatoes with my fork.

“So, Simon, what are your plans after college?”

“Oh, you know,” I started. “Bram and I were talking of living in New York for awhile. Professors here have some connections to companies there and if I pay my cards right I can get some steady work right away. Bram said he’d love to write for the New York Times, so it’s a perfect move. He mentioned a professor there is on the staff and wrote him a great letter of recommendation, so that’s exciting. Hoping to focus on having fun this year too before we have to be full-fledged adults.”

“Sure sounds like the planning part of Bram rubbed off on you. He gets that from me, trust me.”

“Yeah, Bram is, the greatest, Tracy. I actually wanted to talk to you about Bram.”

I swallowed hard and set my fork down. I was still formulating the words, so I covered myself quickly and picked up the bottle of wine. I got the nerves I felt right before an audition. This audition, however, I couldn’t afford to screw up.

“Refill?”

Tracy nodded with a raised eyebrow and I topped off her glass.

“Seems you want me a little buzzed for this, Simon.”

The audition started. “Oh, no, no, not buzzed. It is custom to have a drink if you’re celebrating something.”

“Oh? What are celebrating tonight?”

Bram…Bram…Bram. Saying his name calmed my nerves. Picturing his lips and remembering his scent centered me.

“Tracy. I am so madly…deeply…overwhelmingly in love with Abraham. My life has been nothing like I could have imagined it or deserved it and it is because of him. I want to always be with him and, because of that, I wanted to make you aware of my intentions. Tracy, my intentions are to ask your son to marry me and before I do, I wanted to ask for your blessing as his mother.”

Tracy tilted her head in the way Bram does and covered her mouth with her right hand. A loud inhale through her nose told me she had an emotional reaction to the news, and I was hoping it was tears of joy. She dropped her hand and a large smile crossed her face (Bram got his smile from her. Definetely).

“Simon Spier. The fact that you...that you gave my son the courage…that you make my son happy…that you cooked me dinner and asked me…I see the way you look at my son and I see the way my son looks at you and even Elijah and I never looked at each other they way you both do. My goal as a mom was to give Abraham a great life and a better one than mine and it looks like this will be just another strong foundation to that claim.”

Tracy put her hand onto mind and squeezed it.

“Simon, you absolutely have my blessing.”

YES, YES,YES! With tears in both our eyes, we hug each other. I pour the last of the wine between our glasses and we chees to me, to Bram, and to us.

“Thank you, Simon. I know you didn’t have to do this, or ask, and it means a lot to me that you did.” Then she became serious for a minute. “Do you intend on asking my ex-husband?”

Is that…a trick question?! Audition not over.

“Yes,” I start wearily. “I wanted to be sure I can tell Bram both of his parents gave me their blessing. I wanted to be sure that you both know how much I intend to love and care for your son. I’m not sure I can fully explain or find the right metaphors to show to what capacity I care for him, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to perfect it into a simple phrase that, when I figure it out, I will tell you.”

Tracy smiled and burst into a happy, crying laughter.

“Simon, since the moment we met, I never had a doubt that you would marry my son. I’m so happy and excited for both of you.”

A tear dropped down my face. What an enormous compliment from a mother to another about her son. I smiled and went on to explain to her when I was planning on proposing.

“Of course, how perfect! Do you have a ring?”

“Funny story, Tracy. Dad said that he’d help me with that, and I’m going to put my bet that he will deliver. After twenty-one years, he has yet to let me down.”

“Wonderful, I can’t wait to see it.”

“Yes, so I was still arranging how I wanted to propose and one scenario has me doing in front of my parents and you and Elijah.”

“Such an old soul in a young man. Why so formal?”

That’s a good question. Maybe…maybe it’s because Bram and my middle school and high school experience wasn’t conventional. And that maybe there is a comfort in being a part of a conventional process. Plus, it’s respectful and is bound to earn me brownie points with the possible new in-laws.

“I trust my gut, Tracy. My gut told me formal.”

“Trust your gut, Simon. It’s made all sorts of great decisions. But I have one, very important question for you.”

I clear my throat. “Uh, yes, of course.”

“Do we have more wine?”

We laugh and Tracy explains it’s getting late and excuses herself back to her hotel room.

When I check my phone, I have a few missed texts from Bram.

Hey! I hope Mom is going easy on you. Be careful, she will try to judge how you seasoned the fish, but I’m confident you’ll pass. I taught you well. I can see you both eating the food right now and I’m super jealous I can’t be there. Well, not super jealous if Mom talks about her lecture, which she will. Text me when you can! I know you’re being courteous and won’t check your phone while she’s there. I’m so confident in that fact that I’m going to send you a picture.

Below that text was a well-curated picture of Bram’s nether region.

                                                                                                Bram! Scandalous! Though you were right, Tracy just left. We finished a bottle of wine, sorry I got her tipsy! You’re right, she did talk about her lecture, but it’s focused on female anatomy, something we needn’t worry. I love you Bram. I love you so much. And that picture, you better be careful or it may start something.

 . .. … Start something, huh? I’m not afraid. Show me what you got! ;)

You can imagine what the rest of the night turned into.

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