#well you see i am on break from uni and also im going insane. so its a great mixture | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

evertyun · 3 years

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ENDLESS - ♯choi yeonjun

PAIRING : choi yeonjun x reader

GENRE : ANGST , slight fluff (?) like 0.5%

WARNING : this is a work of fiction anything mention about the character involve are PURELY MADE UP , emotion manipulation (?) , descriptive emotion , swearing , cheating

SYNOPSIS : "we're just friends" little did he know, y/n knows the truth.

OTHERS : include of other idols & oc, the story is not a long one shot its more of the main event skipping until the present time.

"you know i love you right?" yeonjun whispered while stroking your hair softly, cuddle up on the couch together.

you hummed in respond, deep down in your heart, you know he went to her place before he came over. breathing in the smell of her perfume that is painted all over him.

you know that even if you talk about it, yeonjun will keep emphasising they are 'just friends' constantly, you've been through this talk so often to the point that you have given up worrying about her existence. but instead coping with it yourself...

you love yeonjun so much that no matter what he does, even if it hurts you, you're willing to let it all go.

once again both of you are screaming at each other trying to see who is louder

"seriously beomgyu again?" yeonjun sounded pissed

"what about you constantly soojin, soojin, soojin, and that's all you know how to say, when we're together" you look back at him

"for fuck sake y/n, why can't you understand soojin is just a friend stop worrying about it" he shouted again, your heart clenches just holding in your tearz

"i didn't even say anything about your re— no never mind." you were about to retaliate the reply

"i just wanted more time with you" mumbled softly holding in your tears looking down not knowing if he heard your or not.

he stood there looking at you when his phone rang, he looked at the id caller and picked up, and you're just watching his every move

"oh hey whats up?" "i will be there asap" just two sentences only "im leaving" he lets you know and just take his hoodie and car key and left instantly not even checking up on you.

he really left...

"just fucking drop him" beomgyu said as he comfort you with your best friend yeeun

"you don't get it, i can't" the continuous sobbing from you as all of you walk along the pavement of han river park.

"you can do this y/n" yeeun whisper as she pat your back while you were still crying

what would you do without beomgyu and yeeun, constantly being there for you. the fact beomgyu and yeonjun are best friend as well...

"hey, y/n, i just want you to know if it ever gets too hard just know you are not alone" yeeun said while walking towards your apartment with beomgyu

"thank you..." was the last word for the night

some nights were different, but those some nights became a daily routine each day goes by you get more numb but each night you cry too...

he doesn't come by often anymore, maybe once a week but he do leave in less than an hour or two. you could tell from all the excuses he gives you it can go as far to made up lies such as "beomgyu asked me to fetch him home" "soobin forgot his keys" "taehyun left his gloves i need to bring"

"kai asked me to get him panadol he is having bad headache sorry i gotta go, love you babe" tonight was no different, he left so quickly.

but its amazing how he left his phone at your coach, you hold on to his phone debating to unlock it or not to. curiosity gets the best of you, you slide and key in the password he told you before.

'wrong password' he changed it

the phone vibrates the notifications pops up

soojin: i love you too

soojin: but i've reached dalkkom

soojin: im at the corner table see you <3

your heart clenches, so bad when you heard a knock. you walked towards and saw yeonjun as he let himself in and just retrieved his phone and gave you a peck on your forehead then he left.

the extra miles he goes for her, but never once for you, he cared for you once but not anymore. and yet the endless time you gave in

"babe i missed you so much i've been so busy with uni lately" yeonjun hugged you tightly, with his other friends watching the both of you. the look on beomgyu face was so unreadable as though he wanted to flip yeonjun over

"also i asked a friend to tag alone, after all y/n would be the only girl and i was afraid she would feel uneasy so i got one of my friend to tag along" yeonjun added as he let go of you

"yeeun is coming??" beomgyu said in sarcasm knowing too damn well soojin would show up instead

"it's probably soojin" you mumbled out

"what?? who now??" kai and taehyun said in unison

the way all his friends knew about the situation but none of them dare to confront yeonjun. they promise to never let girls come inbetween them and that was the reason

"sorry im late!" a female voice spoke, you turn to look at her

she is everything you are not. insecurity hits, her long silky black hair, her pretty orbs and well shaped lips.

then again,

if he is happy so are you...

soobin could tell you look upset, but what hurt the most was seeing both yeonjun and soojin having fun while you were there broken.

he never looked at you not even once that day, just glued onto her.

its clear enough that he has slipped away from you, its so clear but yet you refused to believe.

"i don't get why is he holding on to you if its clear he loves her?? just what the flying fuck??" yeeun said, its been nearly a year since this whole incident happen

its insane how you manage to hold on even though you clearly know that you are not the one and will never be the one.

the first time yeeun send you a picture of them together at the arcade holding hands. that picture was pure evidence he loved her. its so clear and so loud that you are just a second option.

months goes by you lose yourself, for constantly loving him even though he wouldn't return the affection to you. you were lovesick and tired, you took your friends word in to consideration.

it happens so often, he never showed up to your birthday, or even wished you. you're tired and numb so numb to go through it. he stop texting everyday with excuses that is so bad.

heartbreak . you want to be happy you realise your worth

[next paragraph might be a little too dramatic or to descriptive of insecurity and emotion]

today is the day... (present)

"lets break up" you let out, while both of you were cuddling up to each other

he look at you in the eye all he see was vulnerability, he let go of you without saying much. he know too damn well what he did, but never once did he regret until today in the very couch in your living room.

"wait why? babe, are you okay?" he asked looking at you with concern, you looked at the hickey on his neck that you know he tried to hide and back to his face return a smile to him

"i've hold up for so long, i can't do this anymore" you told him, deep down you just wanted to scream out 'just kidding' . because the look on his face look so genuine and broken as though he really did love you, but you don't want him to go through all the pain

choi yeonjun please get an oscar award. the way he reacts to you, not wanting to let you go. your heart aches so much. you got up from the couch and took your phone.

"please don't let me give in again, i took so much courage to finally let you go" you were holding back your tears, as you unlock your phone to the picture yeeun send you.

it wasn't just one picture but an album? some from beomgyu and some from his very own roommate soobin. the look on his face was clear that he couldn't use the "we're just friends" reason anymore.

"y/n... how long" was all he let out. the picture shown were as long as 5-6 months ago. all he wants to know, was how could you still love a cheater for that long

"it doesn't matter, it never did." you mumbled loud enough for him to hear

"i love you, y/n i feel so bad, please give me a chance, i will change i swear i can't bear to lose you." the guilt in his voice, but apologising was never on his mind

its driving you insane, by the way he could say i love you so easily.

"god yeonjun, i hate you so fucking much, all the i love you, you know too damn well i would give in, why are you doing this to me?" you let out along with you tears, he just look at you all empty

"y/n..."

the more you look at him the more you want to give in

"my love for you was endless and i thought it ended i guess it never did. maybe i am not feeling well tonight" you gave in, and you hated it so much.

guess you couldnt leave him after all

"y/n, just let me explain" he tried to reason out

"there's nothing to explain but... what does she have!?" you really went ahead to compare yourself to her "maybe her long silky hair, or her petite figure maybe her big round eyes, or even he beautiful lips, she has it all yeonjun you don't have to explain because if i were you, i do fall for her too.."

looking at the nearest scissor you grab it, yeonjun was in utter shocked he tries to grab the scissors before you but its was too late

"y/n please don't, we can jus-" before he was about to finish the sentence you cut your hair "look i don't have long silky hair anymore am i still pretty?" then you proceeded to scratch yourself and your face making sure it has some marks for you to regret tomorrow "oh no my face-"

"FOR FUCK SAKE Y/N STOP CAN WE JUST TALK!?" he finally shouted, you flinched and look back at him with built up emotions

"NO WE CANT I WILL GIVE IN, I WILL HATE MYSELF JUST... , I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YEONJUN" you cried and scream out loud hoping her heard you loud enough maybe even your neighbour heard you out loud.

"y/n, im sorry" he walk towards you as he grab the scissors from your hand and he hugged you tight, its been so long since you felt this sincere feeling from him. and it hurts more than it felt good.

you pushed him away, and remove yourself from his embrace

"im going to sleep now, you can see yourself out" you left straight to your room. why just why you can never stop...

you looked up at the ceiling finally crying. cursing at yourself, he probably left to find soojin or even his friends for snitching on him. his move was so unpredictable too unexpected.

opening the door to your room he sat next to your bed. "y/n, it was a mistake i should never have taken you for granted im sorry. i love you i can't bare to lose you." pretending to be asleep not replying to whatever he says

he walked closer to you and gave a light peck on your forehead. you couldn't hold it in and tears fall, the guilt yeonjun felt was unbearable.

his phone buzz as he look down on to his phone and back to you, "i have to go and clean up the mess i've made" said looking at your "sleeping" figure

he stood up and right when he was about to leave, you grab his wrist instinctly

"the tightness in my chest, its so suffocating, but i love the feeling, because i know you're happy out there and having fun and that's what i want you to feel... to be happy, but if you really love me just let me go that's the least you could do"

he look at his wrist the one you are holding

"no y/n.." he really didn't want to let go his voice holds so much guilt,

"if its meant to be we will find our way back to each other again, i promise because i know i could never hate you even if you hurt me the most" you let go of his wrist finally.

he stood there looking at you for another minute or two and he finally left your room.

"maybe 1 more chance for change doesn't hurt at all"

even after all you have been through you still consider to put him above you.

a/n: i don't think it's my best but i will work on it, seems very rush but also sorry for spelling and english error as mention its not my first language;-;

#txt #txt imagine #txt imagines #txt yeonjun #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun x reader #txt x reader #txt scenarios #txt scenario #txt fanfic #txt ff #fanfic #kpop angst

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

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A Different Kind of Education: V Is For Vanilla (Chapter 1)

Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.

Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, light dom/sub dynamics, light dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, protected sex, vaginal fingering, light breast/nipple play, nipple sucking, light biting, i think thats it, honestly this chapter is (as the title says) pretty vanilla. But things will get more intense in later chapters.

Words: 7,128

A/N: ahhhhhh it’s finally here. This professor Rog idea has been kicking around my head for months now and finally I’m actually doing something about it lmao

This series is going to be LONG (like in my plan it’s 15 chapters) because I have So Many kinks I want to squeeze into it. Some were chosen by me and some were chosen by everyone who voted in the poll I put up a few weeks ago and i am seriously so excited about what’s coming.

Smut scenes in this and all future chapters will be marked with stars so that if there is a kink you’d like to avoid you can skip over it and still enjoy the rest of the series.

Also, I know the chapter title doesn’t super make sense since he’s a university bio sciences professor which doesn’t have a lot to do with the alphabet but 🤷‍♀️ that was the working chapter title and it kind of stuck. Plus, ya’ll know I love chapter titles that have a theme lmao. Anyway, no more stalling. Enjoy the filth and start preparing yourselves for it to get so much filthier.

(the ultimate hot professor rog moment tbh)

@atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

His office door was open when you got there which didn’t give you much time to hesitate or rethink your decision to ask your Professor for help. He would have seen you approaching or stalling in the doorway and invited you in anyway to query you about your reasons for being there. So, instead, you raised your fist and rapped a pattern on the door frame with your knuckles. “Professor Taylor? Can I have a word?” “Miss Y/L/N,” he seemed surprised to see you, his eyes widening behind his spectacles, “come in. What can I help you with?” You closed the door behind you and took a seat, fidgeting with your fingers as you tried to remember how you’d planned to broach the subject. Professor Taylor – Roger, as you’d been told you could call him – waited patiently. “It’s tricky, Professor. Umm, see, well um,” “Is this something to do with the coursework? If you’re worried about the last assignment, you don’t need to be. It was really good, what you handed in.” “Really?” “Mmhmm. I was going to give you all feedback next week but if it’ll help put your mind at ease I can show you the comments I have for you early,” You were half a second away from asking to see them when you remembered that wasn’t what you’d come to ask about, “A-actually that’s okay Professor.” “Oh? So was it something else you wanted? I know that this Masters course is more work than previous classes you’ve had with me but you seem to be keeping on top of it all. I’m very impressed by what you’ve accomplished so far.” “Thank you Professor, but, um, that’s not really what I’m here about,” “No?” He leaned forward resting his chin on his hands, “You know, there’s no need to be nervous about talking to me, I’m not going to fail you,” he chuckled as he sat up straight again, clearly trying to lighten the mood though his expression became more serious as he said, “if you’re having trouble with something, or someone, please tell me and I will do what I can to help, whether it’s pointing you in the direction of someone more able to support you or talking to people on your behalf.” You nodded, feeling marginally calmer though still nervous, “I was actually hoping for some private tutoring,” “Oh? Well if you’d like to put your name down as a tutor I have a form here somewhere, if you fill it out I can pass it on and have your name added to the database,” Roger rifled through a stack of papers on his desk, only stopping when you spoke again. “No, not, uh, not tutoring work. I more meant tutoring from you. In an area that this Uni doesn’t provide classes in,” “Miss Y/L/N I’m going to have to ask you to explain because I’m not quite sure what you’re after,” You took a breath and resisted the urge to speak to the floor, “My boyfriend dumped me last week.” “I’m sorry to hear that but I don’t see how-” “He dumped me because apparently I’m not kinky enough. I don’t know, he always wanted me to be super obedient in the bedroom but I never really understood it.” Roger shifted in his seat, “Miss Y/L/N I don’t think this is app-” “I want someone to explain it all to me, teach me how to be what he wants so I can get him back. If I can show him that I can learn, that I can submit in the way he expects, then we won’t have to break up. I love him and I’d do anything to get him back and I’ve been thinking about it and I think you’re the best person to teach me.” “I’m not sure I understand why you would come to me with this. I am very sorry to hear you’re dealing with that but it’s not really appropriate for me to be discussing such matters with my student.” “Just…” you held your hand up to try and stop him from standing and opening the door for you, “You must realise that you have a, um, a reputation.” Roger was taken aback by that, throwing you a confused expression as he settled back into his seat. “Surely you’ve heard the rumours about you. About what you like to get up to with women.” “I can assure you I haven’t,” “Seriously? Everyone talks about it. I mean part of it is probably just because you’ve got that whole DILF thing working for you so like half the students here have crushes on you. But then you throw in the gossip about how you like to tie women up and all the rest of it,” Roger closed his eyes as if he couldn’t quite keep up with everything you’d just said, “How- I mean, those rumours have no bearing on- on anything and they aren’t even- what I mean to say is-” “Professor, it’s okay. It’s just gossip, nothing serious in it. But if you do like that sort of thing, I could really use your help. I won’t tell anyone, all I want is my boyfriend back,” Roger pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “This is insane, what you’re asking is insane.” “No it’s not,” “Okay, lets, Miss Y/L/N, just for a moment, let’s imagine that, hypothetically, I say yes to this. What then?” “Well, I’d expect we’d meet up once or twice a week, you’d teach me the basics of kink, anything you thought I should know. Then in four months’ time I can talk to Dylan and show him what I’ve learnt and he’ll take me back.” “Why four months?” “Oh, we’re pretty much guaranteed to see each other then. Two of our mutual friends are getting married and we’ll both be at the wedding. So will you do it?” “Miss Y/L/N, I don’t know that this is a good idea,” “Why not?” “Well our ages for one thing,” “So what? You’re mature and experienced and that’s what I need. Plus, surely having someone half your age throw herself at you is a bonus.” He smiled slightly, “All the same, it’s wrong. I’m your teacher.” “Exactly, who better to teach me?” “The ethics of this- and the rules of this university. If anyone found out I’d lose my job, you’d lose your place at this school so you wouldn’t get to complete your degree. Not to mention I’m sure you have family and friends who would chop my bollocks off before they ran me out of town.” “It’s not like I’m underage, I’m doing a bloody Masters. And no one would find out. We can meet in secret.” “It’s still so risky, Ms Y/L/N,” “Look, Professor, I wouldn’t tell anyone, you won’t tell anyone. As long as we’re careful about when and where we meet no one will find out. Please, Professor. I need this,” you thought you could see his resolve cracking but decided to give him a final push, “But if you really don’t want to then I’ll find someone else. I’m sure I can meet someone online. Fetlife? That’s a website for this kind of thing, right?” “Fine, I’ll do it.” He said suddenly, “But we do it my way. And certainly not on campus.” “Okay,” “Are you free tonight?” “You wanna get right into it?” ��I want to discuss this further, off campus, to set some ground rules, and I think we’ll both be more comfortable discussing it over dinner.” “Dinner? Like a date?” “A business deal. Miss Y/L/N, if you can’t take this seriously,” “I can, I promise. Dinner where?” “Well, public places are out of the question. So you can come over to my house. Be there by Seven and make sure no one knows. Here’s the address,” “Thank you Professor,” Roger grunted as he scrawled his address on a scrap of paper, holding it out to you, “Go, out of my office before I come to my senses,” You nodded and scurried off, taking heart from the bemused tone behind his snippy words. In a matter of a few short months you’d be able to put this breakup behind you and show Dylan just how much he meant to you.

A few minutes before seven o’clock you rang Roger’s door bell, looking around at the long driveway and the tidy garden beds at the front of the house as you waited. He opened the door quickly and hurried you inside glancing around the front yard as if someone were spying on him. “I brought wine,” you said, holding the bottle out, “You’ve got a nice place,” “You sound surprised,” he said as he took your jacket from you and hung it on a coat rack to the side of the entrance before taking the wine with a gracious nod and examining the label, “Y’know being a university professor doesn’t actually pay too badly.” “Yeah but this place is massive,” He chucked, “I inherited a little from my Nan and Pop and then there was the album. That was enough to buy this place.” “Album?” “Oh, I was in a band in my youth, one mildly successful album and a couple of writing credits on the singles set me up nicely. Not nicely enough to retire on but still.” He shrugged as he led you through his sizeable house, up a set of stairs and towards the back balcony, “Plus, this place didn’t seem so big when I was sharing it with my ex-wife and our kids. Uhh, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Now, make yourself comfortable out here and I’ll just go check on the food.” You nodded, still trying to wrap your head around the sheer number of rooms and hallways you’d passed as well as the fact that your old Biology professor had once been in a band. It was hard considering you’d only ever seen him presenting lectures to an audience of tired and often hungover students but you supposed he did have a kind of magnetism that would have been at home on a stage. Still, you’d have liked to see pictures.

Roger returned a few moments later with two plates of food, a couple of wine glasses tucked in the crook of his arm. You quickly reached to relieve him of something, before one of the glasses could shatter and put an end to all your plans. Though perhaps a broken glass would have helped break the ice. It wasn’t the most comfortable dinner you ever had. You found it hard to swallow, hard to sit still, torn between wanting to jump right to the main topic and wanting to let Roger bring it up in his own time. The last thing you wanted was to come across as just trying to get a leg over the hottest professor on campus as if for a dare or a joke. Him retracting his agreement was a very close second last. Instead, you gulped down your drink and tried to focus on the reasonably nice meal Roger had prepared for you. Finally, after watching you top up your glass for the third time, he put you out of your misery. “Why me?” “What?” “Why did you approach me with this idea of…tutoring?” “Like I said before, the rumours abo-” “Okay but there must have been something beyond that. There could have been rumours about any staff member. If the school gossip had said Professor Richardson had a sex dungeon where he tied up women and spanked them, would you have approached him?” “So you have heard the rumours,” “Of course I have. Answer the question,” You stalled by taking another drink, though only a sip that time, “No, I wouldn’t have.” “So, why me?” “You’re hot?” Roger gave you a look you’d seen in the classroom – his stop fucking around look, usually reserved for first years who still treated dissection and cadavers as a joke. You shrugged, “You’re one of the best teachers I ever had. You always said we could come to you with any problems we were having and whenever I took you up on that offer to go over the coursework you were encouraging and supportive and knew how to push me in the right direction without giving me all the answers. I guess I felt like I could trust you. Like you’d take me seriously or at least hear me out before shutting the door in my face. And if the rumours happened to be false then you seemed like the sort of person who wouldn’t be offended by them or my proposition.” Roger smiled to himself, but it was only for a few brief seconds and then his professional demeanour was back in place, “Alright, well, I’m listening now so why don’t you tell me about this ex and the sort of things he requested of you. And then I’ll decide whether to kick you off my property or not.” There was a twinkle in his eye that told you he wasn’t serious about throwing you out, but it didn’t stop you from feeling timid about the conversation, “Umm, okay. His name is Dylan. We were both in your Bachelor bio class, that’s how we met. Or kind of. We were aware of each other but went to different parties and hung out with different people. It wasn’t until last year that we actually met and got chatting and started seeing each other. I thought it was the real thing, like proper love, soulmate stuff. So when he broke up with me it took me completely by surprise. Everything felt perfect with him. Except for the sex.” You paused, feeling a little self-conscious about speaking so frankly about your personal life, and with your professor no less. Roger removed his spectacles and wiped them on the bottom of his shirt, “Ms Y/L/N, you’re going to have to be able to talk about sex with me if you actually want this to work.” “The sex was fucking great okay? Especially at the start. But the longer we went out the more he pushed for me to be submissive to him. He’d joke around about wanting to fuck me while I was asleep or mostly asleep, and he’d dirty talk by calling me his toy or saying that he owned me or sometimes about pimping me out to his friends. I indulged some of his ideas like when he wanted to be especially rough with me, pushing my head down into the mattress, pulling my hair, slapping me, things like that. And it was fun, but I never enjoyed it the same way he did and whenever he brought up the sleep stuff or if he tried to bend me over while I was cooking dinner I always stopped him. He’d laugh about it and say he was just joking but I guess he meant it more than I thought he did.” Roger remained quiet, watching you thoughtfully until he was sure you were finished, “If we did this what limits would you want in place?” “None. I want to be the perfect submissive for Dylan, I want to prove I can be whatever he wants.” Roger shook his head and put down his glass, “What was it you told Dylan when he suggested using you while you were in the middle of something or if he brought up the sleep stuff?” “I just told him no, I wasn’t into it or I was busy.” “Then that’s a limit. If you don’t want to do those things, that’s okay. Everyone has limits.” “But that’s the point. I need to learn how to be into those things so he’ll have me back. My limits are what made him leave.” Roger exhaled heavily though his nose, “Okay then, is there anything you would consider a turn off?” “I don’t know,” “Well I don’t believe that. I’m sure you have at least some idea of what you like and what you don’t.” “Yeah I guess I do but if I’m the submissive one then it doesn’t matter what I want. This is about Dylan and doing what he wants.” “Personally, I’m not big into feet stuff – toe sucking, foot jobs, anything like that – it just doesn’t appeal to me, whether I’m acting more dominant or more submissive, and I’ve made sure to tell every one of the women I’ve been with who hinted that they’d be into doing that kind of thing. A lot of women, in my experience at least, don’t like anal or things like knife play or scenes that feel violent or menacing.” He paused, watching your reactions, “From what you’ve just told me, it sounds like Dylan might be into free use and consensual non-consent so if either of those things sound like a turn off to you, you should let me know. Dylan will have limits of what he’s comfortable with and comfortable doing to others, I guarantee it. You need to make your limits known too. It’s all part of being in a D/S relationship and playing with any kind of BDSM type kink. The main rule we follow is safe, sane and consensual, and believe me, I will make sure we follow it during our lessons. So, is there anything you would consider a turn off or anything you wouldn’t want to do, even for Dylan?” “Can I think about it and get back to you?” “I suppose so. If it helps I can give you an idea of things I could teach you and you can tell me if any of them don’t feel right.” “Yeah, I think that would help,” “Alright umm, obviously because this is about what Dylan likes we should address consensual non-consent and free use at some point, but they would come later. Somnophilia too. I’d probably start with something easier or more common anyway. Spanking is nearly guaranteed, basic bondage methods – cuffs, ropes, that sort of thing – maybe some more extreme bondage too depending on how much you enjoyed the basic bondage. Ummm, choking, maybe some gags, tease and denial for sure. Any of that sounding too scary or intimidating or just not fun?” “They all sound okay I think, although some of them I haven’t heard of before.” “It’s a start at least. Of course, I would begin with the smaller kinks and work our way up to the more intense ones, and hopefully by that point we’ll both be more familiar with your limits and what you are interested in taking further.” “So, does that mean your agreeing to tutor me?” “I can definitely work with this.” “You mean it?” “Yes. Apparently I do.” He trailed his gaze over you for a moment, “How would you feel if I suggested we move this to the bedroom?” Your heart skipped a beat and you hoped your shock hadn’t shown on your face, “You want to start now?” “Sort of. What do we do at the beginning of a science experiment?” “Measure a control group,” “Exactly, you do a control before you mess with variables so you have something to measure them against. In this case, I think we’ll be able to tailor kinks to you better if I have some idea of what you enjoy during sex and what it takes to get you off. Is that okay?” “Yeah, of course, yeah. Makes sense.” “If you want to wait a couple of days we can,” “No, now’s as good a time as any. And the sooner we get into it all the better really.” Roger chuckled and stood, holding out his hand to help you out of your seat, “You’ve always been an enthusiastic student.”

Leaving your plates and glasses on the balcony table, Roger led you towards his bedroom. You wished you’d had a little more to drink, just to dull the sudden wave of nerves that had risen up. You were about to fuck a professor. Professor Taylor. It was a bizarre scenario you’d got yourself into and in an effort to distract yourself a little and calm down, you focused on his bedroom wall as he busied about closing curtains, eyes trained on a framed watercolour of a lake under some cherry blossom trees. “You like it?” “Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s pretty,” “I got that while I was in Japan a few years ago.” You nodded, not sure what to say next. “Are you okay?” You turned and found Roger much closer than he had been a moment before. “Are you sure you want to do this?” “Yes, sorry, just a bit nervous I guess. Feels kind of odd now that I’m actually here. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really expect you to agree to this.” “I did tell you your idea was insane. But that’s okay,” he slowly reached forward, his hand settling on your hip and gently tugging, encouraging you to step in closer, “It’s kind of weird for me too. So, we’ll go slow. And if you want to stop at any time we can.” You nodded, eyes glued to Roger, and let your tongue wet your lips. His eyes followed the movement, “Does that mean you want to kiss me?” There was a playfulness to his voice, teasing almost, and you found yourself relaxing and agreeing that you did. And for the first time you realised just what it meant for those rumours to be true. “So then kiss me.”

******

A kiss you could do. Pushing aside the realisation that this was your first kiss since Dylan left, you leaned in and pressed your lips to Roger’s, though you pulled away quickly. Roger didn’t say anything, just waited, lips lightly parted. Your heart was racing with excitement and uncertainty, but you wanted more. He welcomed your lips the second time they met his, his hand gripping your hip harder now that he was certain you were going to stay. It was almost needy the way he kissed back, something you’d not have expected from your Professor. His nose bumped yours and yet he didn’t seem to care, leaning further into you, his tongue tickling your lip seconds before you felt it slide against your own tongue. Familiar but entirely different from the kisses you were used to. His hands didn’t move like Dylan’s did, not grabbing but gently squeezing, reassuringly firm. His leg was suddenly between yours and you took a step back in surprise. Roger followed so you took another and another until you felt the edge of the bed behind you. Dylan and your nerves almost entirely forgotten, you reached for Roger’s belt. He let you unbuckle it and pull it loose before he grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, kissing you between looks heavy with desire. He broke away for a moment and toed off his shoes, bending to take his socks off too, “So, is there anything you particularly like, any positions?” You copied his movements, kicking your own shoes just under the bed, “Not really. I can work with whatever.” “Stop trying to please me and tell me what you like Ms Y/L/N,” he said, reaching for your hips again so he could push your jeans down. “I mean I guess I like being on top, riding, whatever you want to call it.,” you quickly unhooked your bra and let it drop to the floor, “But Dylan tended to like me under him.” “New rule,” Roger said, kicking his own pants off his ankle as you tugged his shirt from his shoulders, “No talking about your ex when we’re this close to being naked. Okay?” “Yeah, sorry, good rule.” “Y’know I could have taken your bra off too,” “Faster this way,” “I’ll let you have it this time. But next time I unwrap you myself.” You shivered at the implications of the statement as Roger resumed the kiss and pressed you backwards onto the mattress, quickly climbing on top of you, his hands braced on each side of your head as he leaned down to kiss you once more, hungrily.

He didn’t stay there long though. A few seconds later he’d shimmied down your body, creating a trail of kiss warmed skin, until his face was positioned directly above your breasts. You raised your head and watched enraptured as he his eyes met yours, the hint of a mischievous grin lighting up his face, and then he lowered his lips to the top of your left breast. You let your head drop back to the bed and ached your back a little, pushing your chest towards him. “Yeah, you like that?” he asked, voice rougher than you’d ever heard it before, “what if I do this?” slowly he let his teeth sink into you, just for a second. It was enough to pull a small hum of appreciation from you so he repeated the action on your right breast. “Feels good?” “Yeah,” you breathed out, softly. “Yeah?” he asked, pushing himself up so he was straddling your waist, “What about this?” You felt his warm breath surround your nipple before you felt his tongue lap against it or his lips enclose it, letting your eyes slip shut as you drew your lip between your teeth. He seemed to appreciate the response and made sure to repeat the action a few times against each nipple, sucking on one as his gently flicked the other with his thumb. You tingled at the sensation of his warm saliva cooling and gently squeezed your legs together. “Don’t be shy,” he said, sitting up again and laying a hand over each of your breasts, “I can tell you enjoy it when I play with your tits,” You pulled in a shaky breath as he squeezed your breasts, “Mmhmm, yeah,” “Do you want some more?” “Yes, Professor,” He made a short clicking sound with his tongue, “I think we’re past Professor by now, you can call me Roger. And you can tell me what you want,” “I want more,” “More what?” You hummed again at the feeling of him massaging your boobs. “More what? Should I keep sucking on your perky fucking tits? Jesus they’re so fucking soft,” he cleared his throat and shook his head a little, “Or, should I give some other part a bit of attention? Your pussy’s probably feeling a bit left out, huh?” You’d expected him to boss you around, make demands, and you’d expected a bit of dirty talk (the kind where he’d tell you how sexy you looked or that he couldn’t wait to fuck you). But the reality surpassed everything you’d considered likely. You certainly hadn’t expected to get wet just from his tone and his words. And you definitely hadn’t expected to be doing what he asked, agreeing with everything he said. But that’s exactly what was happening, and it felt good. “Please touch my pussy.” “It would be my pleasure,” he smiled softly as he climbed off of your waist and pulled your underwear down, “and yours.”

The change of position gave you a moment to catch your breath but also to take in Roger’s appearance properly. You had to admit you liked what you saw. Of course, you already knew he was attractive. More than once you’d found yourself distracted in class, mind on what a cute bum he had or how shapely his hands were or else on his fluffy hair, light blonde but with streaks of grey blended throughout. He was the epitome of the hot teacher really, especially with his gravelly voice and the youthful sparkle of his eyes, magnified by his usual pair of glasses. What you hadn’t seen before, and what you were revelling in now, was his naked torso. There were muscles in his arms, not Hollywood style bulging biceps and you’d certainly never have noticed them under the sleeves of his work shirts, but they were revealed as he shifted his position and you had the sudden urge to reach out and squeeze them. A light fuzz of hair covered his chest, though it was so light it was barely visible, and a marginally thicker thatch of it trailed down into his underwear. And in between was his stomach, the years of fatherhood evidenced by how it softly protruded out over the hem of his underwear. Once, a few years ago, someone had found a photo of Professor Taylor taken in the 90s when he was twenty-something and, thanks to the university meme facebook page and a few students with near influencer levels of followers, just about the whole school had seen it and had wet dreams about it. He’d been stick thin then, eyes ringed by dark grungy eyeliner, long messy hair falling about his face, and his plaid shirt unbuttoned. The Roger settling beside you now was miles away from that boy but you liked his current look, from his shorter hair to his rounder body, though he seemed to have the same skinny legs. “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he propped himself up on his elbow to look you over. “This is…better than I thought it would be,” “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” “No, that’s not what I meant. I don’t know, I just...I could never picture it before, actually being with you. But you’ve made it feel easy and, well not normal, but y’know, not too strange either.” “So you’ve been liking it so far?” “Mmhmm, it’s felt really good,” “Good, that’s what I want to hear. But,” your breath hitched as you felt his fingers stroke between your legs, “experiments not done yet.” He watched his hand as it moved, his fingers sliding between your lips, spreading the wetness that had begun to pool with his earlier attentions. Each shift of his fingers pulled soft sighs and small ohs from you as the pleasure began to slowly build and you pulled him down into another kiss, wanting to feel him closer. He eased the first finger into you gradually, whispering questions about how it felt and if you were ready for more. You’d have expected his constant quizzing to be annoying but he peppered them between comments about making you feel good and dirty talk about getting you ready for his cock as he pulled your hand over to his crotch to give him some small relief. And somehow everything just seemed to turn you on more, his obvious desire to make sure you were comfortable included. You barely registered when he added the second finger, pumping both into you rhythmically as he delicately sucked at your pulse point, though you knew the third was coming, a response to your pleas for more. You’d meant his dick really, ready to move things along but he’d been adamant about making sure you were properly stretched out, not relenting until he’d fit four fingers inside you. “Fo-four?” you whimpered as he pressed the last one into you, “Three not enough?” “Just to be on the safe side. My cock is about average length but its girthy,” “I – oh Roger – It feels huge to me,” “Please, I’m 46, I know it’s not the biggest thing in the world. But I also know it doesn’t need to be to fuck you so right.” You weren’t sure how to reply though he didn’t give you many options, jerking his fingers inside you and making you moan. “I know there are nerves involved which can impact how wet you get and I don’t want to do anything that would cause you pain or discomfort, so I’m going to finger you until I’m ready to stop. You can beg all you want but I won’t fuck you until I decide you can handle it.” Even that was hot though you weren’t exactly sure why, but whatever it was you found yourself nodding in agreement, staring at him through eyes half lidded with pleasure.

When Roger was satisfied that you were ready for more than his fingers, he pulled them from you and got to his knees, shuffling around to rummage through his bedside cabinet. A moment later you realised why as he kicked off his underwear and tore open a condom. You watched as he rolled it down his shaft, noting he’d described himself quite accurately. “Sorry,” he said as he caught your eye, “did you want to do that?” “No, that’s okay,” you chuckled, “just that Dylan never liked to wear them,” “Hey, we have a rule remember. And this is the first time I’m fucking one of my students, I’m not doing it raw, are you kidding?” “Sorry. And yeah, you’re probably right to use one.” “Hey, this is just the control remember. Condoms are a variable we can change later.” You laughed at that and nodded as Roger squirted some lube into his palm and began stroking himself, letting out small groans at the contact. “Are you going to fuck me yet or is there something else I have to wait for?” “Careful Ms Y/L/N, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of attitude.” He smiled as he crawled over you again, catching your lips quickly before he sat back on his heels and pushed your legs wide. With a final look, as if to give you a chance to end things before they went any further, he lined himself up and pressed himself into you. You gasped as he filled you easily, bottoming out. “God you feel good,” he panted, “are you okay? Can I move?” “Yeah,” you nodded, “please move.” He breathed out a small sigh as he pulled his hips back and snapped them forward again, finding a rhythm. As he got more comfortable in the moment, Roger leaned over you again, pushing his face between your breasts and laving your skin with his tongue. He rediscovered the spots he’d found earlier, humming around your nipples and squeezing your boobs as he thrust into you. “Feel good?” “Yeah,” “You close yet?” “Not really.” “That’s alright,” he said softly as he readjusted his position, sitting back and lifting your legs over his shoulders. You felt the angle change as he fucked into you harder than before, his pace a little faster, “Play with your tits for me.” You didn’t hesitate to do as he asked, panting in sync with his thrusts as he dropped his fingers to your clit, rubbing in tight circles, forcing more moans and whines from your throat. “That’s right, tell me how good it is to be spread out under your professor, full of my hard cock. Christ you’re so fucking tight. Why didn’t I fuck you sooner?”.” You let your moans pick up a little as he ploughed into you, willing yourself to reach your climax. “Yeah? You like that. Are you close now?” “Uh-” “So no.” “Sorry, i-it just takes a while usually. I could f-fake it if you wa-nt to stop.” “No!” his voice sounded strained as he stilled inside you, “This is about getting you off and I will keep fucking you even if it takes all night for you to cum. I just need to readjust again.” Your laugh became a small whine as he pulled out of you and rolled you over so you were on top of him, “what are you-?” “Ride me. You said you like being on top so ride me,” You smiled and pressed your lips to his quickly before settling yourself over him and carefully sinking down into place. As you took him as deep as you could you halted a moment to enjoy the sensation of being full again, gently rocking your hips as you braced your hands on Roger’s chest. He held your gaze as he slipped two fingers into his mouth, pulling them out when they were dripping with saliva. He pressed them together with his thumb before bringing the wet digits to your right nipple, massaging it until you arched your back and tilted your head backwards. There was no way to resist any longer and you raised yourself on your knees before sinking back down, grunting as he hit just the right spot. “Better?” he grunted. “Mhmm,” you managed to get out before a moan, once again lifting and dropping yourself. You settled into the flow of it, the movement of your hips and the way you pulsed around him as you took him harder and faster, feeling the pleasure build and build and build. Until Roger’s voice, cracking with the effort, broke through your concentration. “Fuck, I’m close, I’m close. I’m gonna cum,” “Okay,” you said, not sure what else you could say, a little disappointed that it was going to be over before you could finish. So much for all night, though you supposed he’d only said that to help you relax and finish faster. At least it was hot watching him unravel beneath you, his grunts and groans loud and shameless, his hips spasming under yours. You waited until he was done, eyes closed and chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and then lifted yourself to dismount him. Or you would have, except you felt his hands grab you by the hips and press you down again. “Your turn,” he said it so earnestly, no hint of the dominant teasing from earlier or any egotistical overconfidence, that you found yourself agreeing immediately, shocked into doing what he was guiding you to. You raised your hips again, let him pull you back down hard and before long you’d found your rhythm again. He let go of your hip, moving the hand to messily rub your clit as you shifted a little, changing the angle by a fraction. It was enough to have you careening towards the edge, even as Roger pulled air through his teeth as the extra stimulation. “So close,” you muttered before he could ask, eyes shut, intent on your mission. “C’mon, cum on my cock, show me how good it feels,” You nodded unthinkingly as he encouraged you, feeling it just out of reach until finally the familiar warmth washed over you, a long moan slipping from between your lips as you swivelled your hips, prolonging the orgasm as long as you could. “There you go, good girl.”

******

Roger gasped as you climbed off him and carefully removed his condom to throw it out. “I could have done that,” “You did enough.” He was smiling when you turned back to face him and beckoned you over to join him on the bed once more, pressing a kiss to your jaw and the corner of your mouth before he found your lips again. You sighed against him, lost in the blissful warmth of the moment. “I’ll do it. I’ll tutor you,” Roger said after some time, his arm draped over your side, your faces inches from each other. “You mean it?” “Yes.” “Because I’m a hot shag?” He let out an exhale of laughter, “Because I would rather you learnt about that kind of stuff from someone like me than some random on the internet who thinks that being dominant means being cruel or causing pain. At least I can make sure you approach things from a healthy angle with your own enjoyment in mind as much as your ex’s.” “Thank you. So…when do we start?” “Give me a few days to plan out some lessons, put together a curriculum.” “Oh, so it’s going to be like proper tutoring then.” “You’re the one that came to a teacher about this.” “Fair enough.” You would have happily stayed there longer and you later wondered if Roger would have let you had an alarm on his phone not gone off, a reminder to put his bins out for collection in the morning. He frowned as he realised the time and glanced at you. The piercing melody had brought the reality of the situation back to both of you. “I guess that means I should leave, right?” Roger sat up and scooted a little further away from you, “Yes, you probably should.” He paused for a moment, “No one can know about this.” “I know, I understand. It’s our secret.” He pulled in a breath, “Exactly, our secret. Do you need me to call you a cab?” “No, it’s fine, I drove here.” “Okay. Well, why don’t we get dressed and I’ll walk you out.” “Are you okay with this? If you really don’t want to teach me, I’d understand.” “No I want to. More than I should.” “That’s okay. No one will know and we’ll do things your way, whatever you think is best.” “My way,” he muttered to himself, “Yes. Exactly. Okay. Um, tell you what,” he swung his legs out of the bed and bent forward to retrieve the underwear he’d discarded earlier, pulling them up under cover of the corner of the bed sheet, “I will grab my things and go collect our dishes from dinner. You can stay here and get changed and then when you’re ready to go, come find me in the kitchen, okay Ms Y/L/N?” “Sounds great, Professor Taylor.” He nodded at you once more before he left, bending to collect his pants and shirt on his way. You waited a minute or so, mind racing with the events of the evening and the promise of what would be coming, before you too stood and began to redress.

When you felt sufficiently tidy you stepped out into the hallway and headed in the direction you hoped led to the kitchen. Roger was there, redressed and hardly looking like he’d just got out of bed, leaning against the bench, eyes out of focus. When you arrived though his head jerked around towards your movement. “All good?” he asked, “got everything?” “Yeah, think so.” “Well,” he said, leading you towards the front door, “it was great having you. Over. Having you over. I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” “It was great for me too Professor.” “I will see you in class on Monday, don’t forget about that reading you’re meant to do.” “Got it. Um, can I ask about my next tutoring session, when would that be?” “I will talk to you about it after class on Monday if that’s okay.” “Absolutely, whatever works for you Professor.” He opened the door, standing on his side of the entrance as you stepped outside, “Right, well. Goodnight Ms Y/L/N,” “Goodnight Roger,” you said, quickly leaning in to kiss his cheek, “and thank you.” He still looked a little stunned as you got into your car, wondering just what you’d got yourself into.

#my writing #my fics #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor smut #roger taylor imagine #professor roger taylor #it feels so good to be posting this tbh #i cant wait for ya'll to read it and also the rest of the series ksjflsflsjflsjf

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saltyslack-toast · 4 years

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#Knock The Book 2: The Devil All the Time

WELL, I MADE IT TO THE 2nd BOOK REVIEW OF MINE, MEANS THAT I’M A PASSIONATE AND PERSISTENT BITCH, PERIODT. No actually I’m just bored and got really nothing to do, so here I am making judgmental, invalid and uncritical book review just to ease my guilt for doing nothing at home (just so my mom see me working through my laptop).

Okay The Devil All the Time is actually my first English book. The story of how I got this book as a matter of fact is quite irritating and funny at the same time. My uni friend, she saw this book in a modest book bazaar near her hometown. She was reading the title and the word ‘devil’ just remind her of me, she bought it and just gave it straight to me…... I’m sad but like thankful???

It’s a secondhand and hardcover book but I don’t really mind, considering the fact that the quality is still very nice though, except the worn spots stained all over the cover that make the book looks very old. My friend bought this only for RP 25.000, yes dude you’re not misread this shit, it was THAT CHEAP (whoever sell and own this book before me, I really appreciate it). Although if you want to buy the new one, you can get this book for USD 26.95 which converted in rupiah would be RP 407.500, yeah its cost pretty fancy for broke students like us and I don’t know if the book’s supposed to be available in your local bookstore but I think you can find it in worldwide shipping online store like amazon or any other shop perhaps. The book’s cover illustrate a dying white mutt hanging on the ‘log’ and bunch of cross everywhere, the cover is actually make sense when you read the book. It published in 2011 by doubleday in United States of America. The Author is Donald Ray Pollock, and you can find the sum information about his background written on the cover, but based form the book’s cover you can also check his website in donaldraypollock.com but when I checked, I’m not sure if it’s really his website since it just like pest control website (LMAOO I HAD NO IDEA FR). Anyway,

Let’s go breaking down the book!

“… Too much religion could be as bad as too little, maybe even worse, but moderation was just not in her husband’s nature”

The whole story in this book, basically give you portraits regarding the life of lunatics in the time after WWII. Nope, there is no sums up about the events happened in that moment so chill y’all non-historical enthusiast bitches. This book gonna give you a bizarre experience reading it, the first 10 pages of this book was already psychedelic, I assure that shit. Have you watched Games of Thrones series on HBO? It’s chilling right how Ned Stark, the protagonist of the main series died in the first season???? EXACTLY that was the vibes u got after reading the first chapter and get crazier every time u read forward. By the way, this book embodied 7 chapters and 55 sub-chapters, the chapter in odd and even numbers has 2 different main focuses on each characteristic exist, here I sum it up for you:

On the odd numbers chapters (1, 3, and so on), the central story of these chapters is circling among the family of Willard Russel, his Mom Emma and Uncle Earskell and also those 2 insane peeps Roy Laferty and Theodore. Willard Russel used to be a navy army and a bit skeptical dealing with religion issues just like his uncle, but his mom has always been a devoted worshiper. Willard married to the beautiful and kind-hearted women named Charlotte and they was given a son named Arvin Eugene Russel, everything was normal until Charlotte got sick and Willard gone crazy praying to god for his wife’s recovery and poor little Arvin has to suffer the predicament by his own self. Their stories always give me religious-fanaticism-gloomy vibes (is that even make sense??). Don’t even get me started with the life stories of the two brutes-ass man, Roy Laferty and Theodore they were used to be ‘preacher’ in Emma and young Willard’s Church. Nothing I could say further because it’s gonna be a major spoiler for you, but their stories really giving you insights of how frustration and fanaticism allow people to do something beyond their common sense.

“You remember what I told you the other day?” He asked Arvin

“About the boys on the bus?,”

“Well, that’s what I meant, you just got to pick the right time”

On the even numbers chapters (2, 4, and so on), the main tales is pertaining on the journey of Handerson couple, Carl and Sandy. They were like the Bonnie and Clyde but sad and exploitative version in this book. Carl is a ‘photographer’ and sandy working as a waitress in a café called Wooden Spoon (Which the place where Charlotte used to work as a waitress and the place she met Willard for the first time as well). During summertime they got this ‘ritual’ ((but not in a religious way)) where they drive to different states and give a ride to the hitchhikers found on the way, then Carl forcefully offer them to fuck Sandy for free (HIS OWN WIFE) while he took pictures of them fucking and after that Carl kill them and take all the money those hitchhikers got in their pocket (dude I can’t even judge anything). But to be honest, I’m not a fan of these two characters because they were all so ANNOYING to death. And then there is Bodecker Lee who’s a police and also Sandy’s brother, ok that’s it, I’m not gonna give you any spoilers.

“… He went down the street and sat on a bench in a park the rest of the day thinking about killing himself instead. Something broke in him that day. For the first time he could see that his whole life added up to absolutely nothing…”

You might be confused since there are quite a lot of keen characters in this book but there’s a point where all these bitches are relating to each other, so chill y’all impatient gripe-ass. Overall, the flow of the story is undoubtedly interesting for you to keep going throughout the whole story, because every phase gonna make you wondering about next things happened to them. But, the transitions among every chapters is quite uncomfortable for me, because sometimes when the story has reached its climax there is no resolutions coming to solve the problem immediately, and you’re faced to read the new chapter with a whole different setting and characters so it’s kind of ruining the vibes and emotions the book has made me, but again this just my personal preference so please don’t judge (while everything I did right now is judging inaccurately).

“He realized that he would never preach again, but that was all right. He’d never been much good at it anyway. Most people just wanted to hear the cripple play”

However, what I like the most from this book is the deepening of every character exists is so fascinating, even for just the side or supporting character (for god sake I’m sorry idk what to called a character that isn’t the main one), for example a bus driver in Meade, Ohio which Willard talked to when he was on the way home after the war ended, the narration wrapped and portraits the driver’s life perfectly without make us bored, and there’s still a bunch of interesting narration about the life of the side characters in this book that also as odds and intriguing as the main character’s background (jesus, everything happened and everyone in this book is just so strange and peculiar I swear to god). The story finished in a most tragic-beautiful but still gloomy way, even though it’s quite predictable but still a very good closing for me personally. To be noted, on the way to the end of the story, there will be emerge another asshole priest character named Preston Teagardin, ready to shake you up until you finish the book. But still, let’s said this particular ‘last minute character’ has proving that the author is paying so much attention of how the story ended isn’t leaving any 'rush-made' impression (this shit might confused you I’m sorry my English hasn’t got any better *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign*). # hashtag attention to the detail bro.

Holy crap, that’s the first time I’m almost able to cut all the bullshit I intend to bring it up here.

This book is one of my top 5 books that you have to read once in a life time (although I haven’t discover the other four, omg im sorry y’all). Little information for you that the first time I read this book (yeah I read it for quite few times) is when the campaign of presidential election era, which in Indonesia the religious are pretty sentimental issues, some of the people in my country suddenly became those annoying fanatical preachers, man I can’t stand it. And this book is just precisely relating to that condition and I get to know at least a glance of what the heck odds things happened in their minds, since you know fanaticism and stupidity doesn’t hit only on particular group of religions, race, gender or anything, we can all be stupid and brainless (especially me because I basically have no brain). There probably quite many scenes that is pretty disturbing to read (I don’t know if people could be triggered by it???? But I guess so) so yeah a bit warning. Overall, I genuinely recommend this book for you guys because every element in this book is almost perfect, the storylines, bold characters, and the RARE AND STRANGE AND SENSITIVE topic promote by the author in this novel is totally a BOOM. Don’t worry reading this book not going to give you those agnostic and atheist vibes HAHA chill I still consider myself a devoted Muslim tho (hashtag masyaallah ukthi).

By the way before I wrapped it up, I hear that this book will be made into a netflix film. WELL, of course I’m excited because the casts are so amazing, and I love Netflix adaptation and I enjoy watch movies as much as I read books (again, unnecessary information of mine *sorry hand sign*). I found that the release date is postponed from the origin plan in 15th May (which is three days ago from I posted this on my page) due to I don’t know perhaps corona because that bitch has ruined everyone in the world’s schedule, but for real I can’t find the exact information regarding to the updated release date, so while you wait the film to launch, why don’t you just go read the book first? I assure you this one not gonna give you any disappointment.

I think that would be it for this 2nd rubbish book review of mine. Although, I think I made a little progressive from the first one (OR MAYBE NOT???? I’M SORRY Y’ALL) but of course there’s still much deficiency I served. Still, I hope my writing get better in the process of making this whole novel of reviewing book inaccurately. To be honest, I wrote this shit not for getting any engagements or audience but for my own satisfied HAHA. So yeah I’m literally comfortable writing for nothing. But bitch guess what I’m just gonna keep going, until I could professionally writing and make it for a living? Well, amen for that.

Xiao, See you in Advance!

#book #book quotes #bookaholic #booknerd #book review #the devil all the time #donald ray pollock #religion #review #novel #thriller #psychological #tom holland #robert pattinson #bill skasgård #sebastian stan

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isaacathom · 5 years

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ok deakin uni are we 100% sure we want this fuckers name on our university like i know we were all racist in the 20s but uhhhhhhhhh like im Just saying

more rambling about prime ministers in the service of wooorldbuillding???? (????) under the cut

WAIT DEAKIN IS ONLY 50- GUYS. WHAT. WHY. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOWN INFO. WHY DID WE NAME THE UNIVERSITY AFTER HIM. bro. Bro. Bros? Lads? Dudes? My fellas? what the fuck were you doing naming a university in 1974 after a pm who was Big Boy behind white australia my fucking God. what the fuck. Yall? The fuck. Why. ok when i name this fake fucking university in ACitDS (the uni isnt actually located in UWG though) im naming it for a fucking good prime minister. which might be hard but im gonna try my best to find someone whose at least DECENT. like.... my first thought in menzies but god i would hate to go to a school named for him bc the amount of bullshit that would come from pronouncing his name the scottish way would drive me Fucking Insane. Mingies. Im not going to a school named mingers, yall.

uhh lets find a pm. god seeing scomos face startles me everytime. im just hoping shorten has a nice photo lined up. was watson decent. ‘first socialist or social democratic government’ alright im down for this. he was only leader for 4 months but its a precedent thing. he seems like a cool dude. fisher is also cool. can you tell im picking labor prime ministers yet? one issue - he’s from ql. and watson was from nsw. fuckers. wheres a good vic pm who isnt taken (im think curtin was victorian, dont quote me on that). im not counting hughes, if hes even a vic. nope, new south, dammit. mother fuckers. SCULLIN WAS FROM VICTORIA, ok we’re fucking getting somewhere now. alright. wait what am i doing it Says their electorate in the main p- fuck me ok. ok. alright.

jesus hughes what the Fuck

anyway uhh most of the vic guys are kinda eeehhhh so im down for Scullin i guess. Scullin University, lmao. ALSO

FUCKING DAMMIT CURTIN

but i guess scullin university, then? if we wanna keep it at least vaguely associated. he was a labor guy rather than a... uh......liiiberal? i guess. so theres that. but id rather have it be like.... a good guy. not that it really matters in the scheme of things because the hypothetical Scullin University (located in fucking, i dont know, Norwood Melbourne, eat my ass) isn’t actually like. a real presence for ACitDS? like im considering that there MIGHT be a joiner there (have Thomas really get around, though it all ultimately comes home) but having any part of the game take place as Scullin seems weird bc it implies its during the trimester. and its during the trimester, Thomas really cant justify doing all this Absolute Fucking Nonsense. I believe in the dream it was actually the end of trimester 1, with the game starting basically on their last day. which means they were born in may, since their birthday was riiiight before. that doesnt preclude any of the game taking place at or adjacent to Scullin, because there is the whole month of break b/w tris 1 and 2 and since Thomas is an art student they probably have to go pick up their folios which gives them an excuse t be in the area. but at the same time i dont know where a joiner would be (well, i Do, sort of) and it raises bigger timeframe risks in terms of the time of day. like... thomas has to get home. and trust me mother fuckers, if thomas was in the hole too long that is a fuck of a trip home. the tram runs till late. the uhhhhh 732 runs.... hmm. lemme check hold on homies... ok thomas is fine for getting to like, Knox City (Kent City? whatever) but its getting HOME thats the stickler. god the new ptv site is trash on desktop, i cant see SHIT. maps are nice but i wanna actually like.... see the options im being given. bitch. ok put it this way. if thomas leaves at 8pm, theyre fine. sort of. having to get a tram and 3 buses home isnt ideal by any stretch but its doable. if thomas leaves at 9pm, theyre fucked. you cant get home. theyd basically have to walk the whole fucking way from deakin to vermont south. sorry, Scullion to whatever South. good luck!

like. good fucking luck thomas. its an hour to walk to the 732 at that time of night so if you miss that tram youre fucked. even if thomas makes it to vermont south, apparently theres basically jack shit between 9pm and 5am soooo good luck.

its not necessarily a huge issue because it could always work on narnia logic. but im not super into the idea of having it be very dilated. plus, idk, maaaybe thomas lives near a train station. i dont think they do. because i know i dont. but yknow. hypothetically. well ok theres a bunch of services between vermont and knox in the Dark Hours but then they have to get home. its like an hour walk. after fighting demons and angels thomas is gonna be fucking knackered. absolutely not walking for an hour to get home. theyd be more likely to crash at a friends place on Res at Scullion. i dont even know if youre allowed to do that. one sec. well, technically, but if its between semesters???? eh. idk. be a Lillllll funky on that front. idk. i do really like the idea of having one of the ‘day’ transitions being thomas half asleep on a bus/tram/train, though. so we could easily just handwave it and say that they live close enough to a station or transport hub that its essentially accessible at awkward hours of the night. plus its like, if the day starts in the morning, it being late evening for that seems fair. well, late evening as in like..... 8pm or smth. since thats a fair enough time to my mind. 12 hours all up, maybe?

idk. i think this baaasically works. Thomas [SUR. NAME] lives in Upper Wattle Gully in the south eastern suburbs, and attends Scullion University in Norwood. anyone who lives out my way know immediately what all of that means. ;)

#story blogging #yay? i guess! thatll do #thomas still needs a surname. alexander maybe? that sounds cute

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dedalustephen · 3 years

Text

back for a bit.

i was reading through my diary entries from before and my shit adhd working memory really... makes me forget that i dont actually live as good and privileged a life as i think (or my parents allege) i do

the amount of /trauma/ you can see younger me was put through as a result of my parents' breaking and broken relationship was... slightly insane? i dont think me now would be able to handle that

like my parents really... straight up never gave a fuck about my mental health? it doesnt really clock as Really Bad but threatening to throw the dog out bc ur kid is crying in the toilet and refusing to leave maybe isnt a good thing to do?

and that also neglects the fact ive had to function at "gets into oxf*rd as an intl student" level with undiagnosed adhd that is the root of many, many, many emotional issues (which again of course my parents were not kind to)

and /then/ when i stopped being judgy of everyone and started to appreciate the world around me, 2019 hit and my entire life was thrown into political crisis after crisis, the notes i had in late 2019... i was absolutely terrified then??? like im paraoid now but it was even worse then for me, mentally. and then there was corona, i lost everything i looked forward to, there was never a proper full stop to my secondary school life, and then i was launched into covid era uni life, and then when i got home i hated every moment of it bc my dad was moving out and my mom was dating someone else and i was basically living with reminders that the life i was starting to know how to appreciate was already gone forever.

and then i was stranded in the uk for a year, and still am, put into more and more stressful situations having to deal with an adult adhd diagnosis having to try out meds living alone etc. etc. etc. all while my parents continue to not really give a fuck about my mental health, etc.

and all this isnt counting the stress of studying a dse curriculum and studying at oxf.

not to give myself too many pats on the back but ive really been through quite a lot lol and im quite glad for my adhd impacting my working memory bc i dont actually rmb all this happening, im just dealing with the consequences lol

the whole i want to go home to feel safe and secure thing has probably been a running theme thing, i only really was able to identify and verbalize it as that now bc im physically away from what i call home :( when thing is i never really felt safe and secure at home for a majority of my childhood anyways...

so like 1) ive always been this emotionally unstable, its not some im only like this in uni thing, and 2) ive been forced into dealing with most if not all of the issues thatve been piled up /all in one go/ bc if not i literally cannot be a functional adult that gets thru uni,,,,it is not a wonder that im constantly stressed and breaking down rn lmaooo

oh and i forgot i was gay and trans in hk???? at a very homophobic christian girls school??????? and my crush was deeply suic*dal and i had to talk her out of suic*de like once every two days?????????

what the FUCK was going on

processing all of this in hindsight when im away from my parents, politics, my past etc. is... quite insane i just took all of this in stride. im literally going thru less insane stuff than i did as a child which is why i acc have the headspace to deal with all of this and the emotional stability to process this like this without resorting to vague convoluted poems... also meds help lol

anyways im going to go easy on myself with collections this week and a lot of stuff in the future, of course my standards wont drop but i'll be kinder if that makes sense? like i wont beat myself up over crying rn and if i procrastinate too much i'll know whats up (though procrastinstion is so, so, so stressful) and im still going thru a lot of stress and anxiety,,and while i think im not enough like jesus christ ive been thru some shit people dont usually go thru

it's like wait lemme count

oh god theres also the people pleaser religious guilt and also chinese continue bloodline etc. guilt wtf

like that's 8-9ish things i had to deal with that, with any single one, could very likely break a person completely on the mental side of things lmao

ngl im quite strong :')

anyways now that ive processed that or well, at least started to process it, it's time to move on grow up 現實令你快要快要變做大丈夫 etc except like very much on the emotional strength and not 現實應對能力 lmaooooooooooooooo not j*rs voice being a main motivater again what if i see him and im like omg thank u for singing so many songs!! u helped me process my trauma <333 like akdksjjfsjjfjs lmaooo

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floralreddie · 6 years

Note

I love that both Eddie and Richie are drag race fans in your tumblr AU! Also it’s so obvious that Richie is an adore delano fan Im dead. But now I kinda wanna see my boys drag themselves? Could u maybe write something about it? Maybe it’s a dare but they get way into it in the end. Featuring a very supporting bff bev who lends them all the make up.

I LOVE THIS. okay so this is separate from my trans!richie au but it’s obviously modern au, both the boys are in an established relationship! (also i am slowly working my way through my requests don’t hate me but i just had to write this one bc drag race is l i f e)

warnings: swearing, richie being a perv so some sexual themes, also there might be a few spelling mistakes bc i did this quickly amongst my uni work

forever taglist: @pearltheartist@mikoalabearwrites @arielgirly @trashmouth-smashmouth@mzcescapie@somenates27@reddiesballoons@cawcawhawkeye@richietoaster@sassy-molassy@fuckin-richie @zerealromaniangurl @notagoodplace4gods @itsway-past-mybedtime @homohayls @reddiefic @trashmouth-tozier69 @temptedtozier @bitchardtozier @virgo-green

Richie thinks it’s kind of rude that his account on Eddie’s Netflix is called Parasite 1, but he can’t really complain because Eddie pays for both his account, and Richie’s. What can Richie say? His boyfriend knows how to take care of him.

They lounge on Eddie’s single bed now, backs pressed against the headboard and the sound of Eddie’s mom making dinner loudly in the kitchen the one sign that they were not home alone. Richie knows full well that Mrs Kaspbrak makes so much noise as a way to deter the two from getting up to anything ‘unholy’, or whatever. Though the woman had finally accepted Eddie’s sexuality, after years of making Eddie feel like shit, she was like most definitely not okay with Eddie’s choice in partner.

Richie Tozier, though the polar opposite from Eddie Kaspbrak, was perhaps the most perfect person in the world for Eddie. And vice versa.

‘Man, I fucking love this season,’ Richie says, fiddling with Eddie’s hand in his lap and staring at the TV which showed Rupaul’s Drag Race. Eddie, next to him, glances at Richie with a soft smile, before turning back to the TV. ‘Like, Adore is the fucking bomb. Her drag is sick’.

‘Messy slut,’ Eddie quips, entwining his fingers absentmindedly with Richie’s. ‘That’s what she calls herself. Figures that you like her’.

‘Eddie!’ Richie gasps, turning to his boyfriend and pushing his glasses up his nose with his free hand. ‘Are you calling me a slut?’

Eddie, in return, rolls his eyes. ‘I think Bianca is my favourite this season,’ he hums with a nod. ‘Yeah’.

Richie scoffs. ‘That’s cheating. She’s everyone’s favourite!’

Eddie turns with a glare. ‘Fuck off’.

Richie grins, before pecking Eddie on the nose and ruffling his soft, brown hair. Eddie splutters and slaps Richie’s hand away with pink cheeks. ‘Cute, cute, cute!’ Richie laughs, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. ‘Y’know, you’d look pretty sick in some soft Courtney drag, y’know. Pretty make up. Lots of pink. Or maybe a throw back to Season Three with some Carmen Carrera, that way you can show all of your booooody!’

Richie grins brightly when Eddie lets our a snort, and the smaller of the two throws his curly haired boyfriend a bemused look. ‘Can you really imagine me in a bikini?’

Richie’s smile falls a mere fraction. ‘Oh, hell yeah,’ he breathes, tightening his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie scoffs, before leaning his head against Richie’s shoulder and both their attentions turn back to the TV, humming along with the music. After a few minutes, Richie says, ‘Why don’t we do it?’

‘Huh?’ Eddie hums.

Richie looks down at his boyfriend, his grin growing. ‘Drag ourselves up? Your mum’s going to work soon. Come on, it’ll be fun! We’re both pretty as hell, why not?’

Eddie stares up at Richie for a full thirty seconds, eyes narrowed as if trying to decipher if the Trashmouth was taking the piss or not. After nearly a minute of staring into Richie’s joyous, dark eyes, Eddie lets a smile break across his face. ‘Shit, shall we?’

‘Holy shit,’ Richie yelps, scrambling to grab his cracked phone. ‘I’ll text Bev to come round and help us! Oh my God, this is going to be fucking awesome!’ He presses a sloppy kiss to Eddie’s cheek, just the moment that Mrs Kaspbrak barges in without knocking to tell them that dinner was ready.

She glares as Eddie blushes and scrambles off of the bed with Richie, who merely smiles brightly as Mrs K as he passes her in the doorway and says, ‘Thanks, Mrs K! Smells great!’

Sonia goes to work soon after, and Ben arrives ten minutes after that. With the boys stomachs full of pasta, Eddie answers the door with a happy grin and takes in the two duffel bags that Bev is carrying.

‘You two,’ she grins, blue eyes bright and red hair a mess from the evening wind. ‘Have made my fucking day’.

It takes only a few minutes for Bev to herd the two into Eddie’s bedroom, before plonking the bags on the floor and throwing Eddie into his desk chair first. ‘You first,’ she says, tugging at her crop top as she considers his nervous face for a moment. ‘You’ll need less make up than Richie’.

Richie, who has sprawled his long limbs on Eddie’s bed, glares through his thick glasses. ‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Marsh?’

‘It means you’re ugly, dickweed’.

‘Oh my God, I am beautiful-’

‘I’m fucking joking,’ Bev laughs. ‘I got the perfect look for you, Tozier. Courtney Love meets Joan Jett’.

Richie stares at her as she reaches into her bag and pulls out a smaller, see-through bag filled with make up. ‘I knew there was a reason you’re my best friend,’ he says finally, to which Bev grins.

‘Thank you, my love,’ she says. Bev then puts the bag onto the desk, turns to Eddie, and says, ‘Right, close your eyes, Kaspbrak. I’m about to make you a fishy damn Queen’.

She orders Richie to close his eyes as he lays on the bed, and with a huff he does as told. Bev Marsh, who had discovered just how fun make up could be four years ago when she was thirteen, takes out the foundation first, then the contour kit, then the blusher. She shapes Eddie’s face as soft and pretty, highlighting his small nose and sharpening his round cheeks.

And shit, she’s fucking good at this, and she knows it.

She goes for pinks with his eyes. Soft pinks that hit his strong brows, with highlighter hitting the corner of his eyes to sharpen them. For his lips, she grabs a lipstick that her adoptive Ant had given her for her birthday. A low matte pink for Eddie’s small, soft lips.

She steps back to admire her work after carefully doing Eddie’s mascara, to which he moans it ‘gross and unsanitary’, since Bev used it on her own eyes. From his place on the bed, Richie tells him to shut the fuck up.

Eddie huffs, eyes still closed, and says that his face feels fucking weird, and he doesn’t know how Bev does this all the time.

She dusts over his eyes again, smoking out the pink and giving him some light orange under his eyes. She thins his nose and pours some of her favourite glitters over his cheekbones, before nearly fucking crying as she steps back and stares at Eddie.

‘Okay,’ she says, her voice betraying her utter glee. ‘Stand up. I’ll lead you to the bed. Richie, don’t peak!’

It takes fucking ages to swap the boys over, because they’re fucking idiots and Eddie trips over a good six times as Bev leads him to the bed. Richie, with gngly limbs, nearly topples on top of her as Bev pushes him onto the chair.

‘Right,’ she quips, hands on Richie’s shoulders as Eddie lays flat on the bed with his face oddly still. He had said something about getting make up on his sheets, and how his mom would freak the fuck out. ‘Let’s do this shit’.

She pulls out dark colours for Richie. Colours that she saved usually for when her and the other Losers went to gigs out of the Derry. She foundation over Richie’s faded acne and freckles, and goes for a darker contour than Eddie, her fingers dusty and sticky. She goes fucking insane with highlighter, having always been jealous as shit when it came to Richie’s damn cheekbones.

She tells him this, to which he merely grins, eyes closed, and says, ‘I’ve been told they could cut glass’.

She strengthens his high eyebrows, making them longer and fading out the ends. For his eyes, she goes with gold than fans out into a dark brown smokey eye, thanking fuck for the Youtube tutorials she had watched. She grabs the glitter against and pats it underneath his eyes, to which he winces and snaps at her to not poke out his fucking eyes.

‘Baby,’ she mutters.

She gives him a dark brown lip, once again admiring how full they were. Damn Richie for being so damn pretty. She softens his contour, spreads highlighter onto his nose, lines the underneath of his eyebrows with some gold glitter eyeliner, and grins.

‘Eddie, come here,’ she says, helping him sit up and taking his hand. She leads him to the middle of the room, onto his soft blue carper, before doing the same to Richie, who complains that his eyelashes feel like they have fucking bricks weighing them down.

Admittedly, Bev had gone a little insane on the mascara with Richie’s long lashes.

She places them next to each other, both facing each other with Richie standing half a foot taller than Eddie, and then steps back and nearly starts fucking crying.

They look beautiful.

‘Open your eyes,’ she says.

Richie stares at Eddie as his eyes snap open, and his breath fucking catches in his throat. Eddie looked…beautiful. All pink and pretty, with his lined with some dark shit that made the brown seem even bigger on his pale face. The glitter on his cheekbones caught in the light of his room, and the pink on his lips was something that Richie definitely wanted to taste.

Eddie stares at Richie, quite sure that he was about to pass out. Richie was dark and sharp, his cheekbones high and shiny with some glittery shit, and his dark, wide eyes seeming even larger and darker with whatever the hell Bev had surrounded them with. His lips were coated with something dark, and his face seemed all the more eye-catching.

‘Holy shit,’ they both say at the same time.

‘You look fucking hot,’ Eddie says at the same time Richie says, ‘You look beautiful, Ed’s’.

Richie grins. Eddie blushes beneath his make up.

‘Picture time!’ Bev pipes up, already pulling her iPhone from her pocket. ‘The others are going to die that they missed this. You’re both so fucking pretty’. She snaps a few pics, sends it on Snapchat, and they all snort when Mike’s reply comes through first.

MikeHanlon: who are your friend, Bev? care to give them my number?

‘Maybe we should try out for the show,’ Eddie scoffs, nodding to the TV that shows a paused Rupaul’s Drag Race.

‘Yeah,’ Richie hums, still staring at Eddie. ‘I’ll be Anna Conda, and you can be Tera Newashole,’ he says, almost distractedly.

Eddie sighs, pink lips puckering and dark eyes swivelling to Richie. The glitter on his cheeks catches. Richie just stares. Bev starts packing away her things, a secret smile on her face. ‘Are you going, Bev? You can watch this with us, if you want,’ Eddie nods to the TV again.

Bev smiles, throwing both bags over her shoulder. ‘I mean, I was going to get you into some of my clothes, but with the way Richie is looking at you right now, I have a feeling it’s about to get a little above PG-13 in here’.

Eddie snaps round to look at Richie, who just shrugs with a lazy grin. ‘Make good choices!’ Bev calls as she leaves.

Richie quickly tugs Eddie toward him, hands on his waist, and presses his dark mouth to Richie’s pink one. ‘Hello, beautiful,’ he hums, nose pressing against Eddie’s.

‘Hello, Rich,’ Eddie laughs.

#reddie #drag race #richie x eddie #it (2017)#eddie x richie

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dk-s · 3 years

Note

hi! i hope you're doing well! i'm so sorry for taking forever to send this but this week has been ✨ stressful ✨ i'm supposed to get my first decision from a uni on tuesday which is like too soon yet too far all at the same time. and all of my teachers gave so much projects/exams this week and next week and realistically it's bc they have to fill up the gradebook before the mid-quarter progress reports are released + finish up stuff before winter break but I FEEL LIKE THE UNIVERSE HATES ME! anyway i've been sleeping terribly & getting stress-induced nightmares like every night :( the one good thing is that since i've been so stressed abt my schoolwork, i haven't been thinking abt the decision as much as i would probably be if i had less work? idk this turned into a RANT i'm sorry 🥺

oh!! i do really really love 24h and my my ! ((maybe i religiously rewatch the 24h mv just so i can replay the mingyu scene over and over again)) but i think my favorite svt song is probably pinwheel or thanks? i have been really enjoying all my love and bring it lately as well!! and my favorite song ever changes like all the time but the two songs that are consistently my top songs are pinwheel and bts' epilogue: young forever!

"my usual habit of basing my entire personality on whatever media piece im currently consuming" - YES????? i have never related so hard to anything ever. and if i could i would totally make a flower crown rn but 😔 the flowers are all dead here 😔 but we got our first snow yesterday so that was exciting!

also i saw that post you rb'ed about living in a log cabin in the mountains w a fireplace and quilts and I JUST WANT

omg i love it when people have tiny platters for all of their toppings, jams, etc. like!!! that is the cutest thing ever please take my hand in marriage.

AHH yes i forgot to convert to celsius but it is very cold and i am not okay!!! at least i have an excuse to wear all of super fuzzy clothing and sweaters though!!

stay safe!! & enjoy your summer!! i hope you smile & sleep well today!! i love you!! 💖

~age twin anon

hii!! aa i’m replying so late and i was like wait a sec i got to reply to smth in my inbox!!! im so sorry :((((((

wait!! ur first uni decision?! good luck im rooting for u and i just know ur gonna do amazing my mind is calculating whether tuesday has already passed but like god i get u w the projects and exams honestly its insane esp close to when reports are due because they just PILE work on to u like ma’am i have a life right now outside of being stuck at my desk writing extended answers on the contraction of muscles?! dont stress to much bb and remember to take time for urself!!! i hope it all goes well for u and thats fine u can rant whenever u want im 👂 also isn’t that such a beautiful emoji

i watch the 24h music video n just lose my mind over mingyu esp that scene in the first verse w the black jacket tiddies out curly hair i !!! jungkook mingyu fashion magazine WHEN and oh!! i havent heard either of those songs (bc i suck at listening to new music) but i’ll check them out!! and aa young forever gets me in tears every time i will never stop talking about it <3

and the media thing is SO true like its smth that i really need to change but also it def changes things up for me!! and omg u get snow?! i wishhh but like australia has snow in like one part and its in this particular place in the alps on the other side of the country and it snows there for a week at most :( but one day im gonna see the snow more!! and yess i would love to live in a warm cabin w a crackling fireplace n a grand bookshelf as well as warm, stuffed quilts that i can bundle myself into!!

i have tiny platters for jam n toppings and cream 👉👈 so uhhhh 💍 here u go!!

cold weather is still better than summer weather >>> i said what i said!! n stay safe as well!!! i love u!!!!

#answered #age twin anon #u!! cutie!!!

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anything-advice-blog · 7 years

Note

Im just confused at what to do with my life. I’m at my final year at university in UK and so either I’ll move to London or move back to my family in another country. The thing is with London, I lived there a couple of years when I was younger and I do miss it a lot. I just love the craziness of it and when I am there I do feel like it’s home. I miss my family too and, well I feel like I do need to work on my relation with them because I have been depressed and had anxiety the past years and -LS

and I took it over them especially my brother, our relation is just so strained and awkward. But then, I got depressed the last time I lived there and I like visiting the city but I find it is so boring and I never really fitted in. Then there are so practically issues, like if Brexit goes through then I think i’ll be a lot more difficult to find a job and London is already insanely expensive comparing that to a city where it will be easier to find a job and a much higher living standard -LS

Then my other problem is that I really have no idea what to do with life. I’m doing a science degree but I’m really not sure if I want to spend my life in a lab. What I really want is to become a doctor, I feel that if I work by helping people maybe I will feel some kind of purpose and maybe everything will be worth it. This year is my last attempt at that. I am applying to both countries both in jobs and for med school just to see my option but I am just so scared. -LS

I’m scared if I move to London it won’t be as I remember and I will be lonely living in a shit place and miss my family but if I move back I am scared my depression will continue and I will just live like it becoming a big grey blur until I break. One thing I do know is I want to live life, I am in my twenties and the years that are supposed to be the best have been the worst and I am sick of hating myself and my life. -LS

*********************************************************

Hi, LS. Well, I can tell you are not only bright academically, you are also very self-aware, logical, and a problem-solver. All great attributes to succeeding in life. When I was in my last semester at my university, I was scared to death because all I knew was that my life would change. I wouldn’t be staying at school (which I was glad because I was so done with that place), but I couldn’t picture my life 6 months from then. And, that is where I think the problem is. We tend to think in option A, or option B, C, or maybe even D. There is a greyscale, From what I’m seeing, here’s your needs:

1-Repair relations with family

2-look into continuing education or current job opportunities

3-find a place to live & work where the standard of living is enjoyable and it has the hustle and bustle of an exciting city

Putting it this way, the answers are not limited to London or home. You can plan a 2 week visit home to reconnect with family. Two-when you start to investigate job opportunities that are not lab work, you may find something else you might enjoy. It wasn’t until I actually left the bubble of uni and entered the work force to see there are so so many different jobs out there. Ones we can’t even imagine.Those job opportunities, interviews, and offers, will most likely determine where you live. Only apply for jobs in cities that you think you will enjoy and can maintain a decent style of living. Who is to say you won’t work your accomplishments up the ladder and one day can seek out a job in London because your pay scale has risen enough.

I think what I am saying is life flows, takes twists and turns. Doors open, doors close. Decisions are made based on our core standards and future goals. We will not leave uni and land where we are going to stay forever. Your first steps just need to go in the general direction of your short and long term goals. And, guess what…that is living…that’s life. Enjoy it. Meet these challenges on with excitement of new experiences instead of fear and trepidation. Most of healing from depression is changing your circumstances or changing you thought processes (attitude).

You WILL find your way. Just keep creating opportunities and remember your goals. It is a journey. Not a one stop choose now or die situation.

Good luck!

Tracey

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shamelessmilkshakepanda-blog · 6 years

Text

300zx insurance quote

"300zx insurance quote

300zx insurance quote

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

RELATED QUESTIONS:

How do insurance companies expect 17 year olds to not front?

Im not being funny, but its quite clear that seventeen boys cannot afford to pay 300-500 per month for a car worth 400, there is no possible way to afford that when you are trying to do a-level and your part time job pays you maybe 80-120 per week, its just unreasonable, whats the point in having a license if they expect you to pay that, so i can see why most teens do front""

What is the purpose of a car insurance company giving quotes for the other insurance companies??

Just wondering... could they maybe lie about it? Why would they give quotes of the other companies if theirs isn't as good as the other ones? To me it just sort of seems like they are screwing themselves... Does anybody know why they do this?

Car insurance cost for a 17 year old male?

My son is fixing to get his drivers licence and I've been told by people that it is very exspensive for him to have insurance. Can anyone tell me the average a young new driver has to pay ?

What do you think it would cost for a 2001 cavalier coupe monthly for car insurance?

I just need an estimate, thanks. I don't know where to look...""

Is it necessary to buy rental car insurance even though i have my car insurance policy with me?

i have a car and have taken...if i take a rental car , then my auto insurance...""

""Forgot to renew my car insurance, is my no claims bonus affected?

My insurance was due on 15th October but because km away at uni and the car is at home I completely forgot to renew it until today. If I decide to renew it now are there any consequences for paying it late? I would declare sorn but I don't know how it works and When I go home for christmas I do want to be able to drive. I've got 3 years no claims and my insurance has gone down a lot since I started to drive so will I lose it?

""Affordable Medical Insurance plan in Boston, Ma?""

Hi, My finance has not had Medical Insurance for the past year because it is so expensive!!!Doesn anyone know any agencies that provide Medical Insurance at an affordable cost..We've tried Free care already and we didnt gualify. Thank You""

Car insurance question! help?

Ok so I'm 17 years old. I have had my license for 5 months. I have never gotten a ticket, been in an accident or pulled over. My parents are buying me a car.. and well I'm a teenage guy so I want a sports car. My parents said I can't have a car with a v8 engine or any kind of GT because it will raise the insurance cost. I found a nissan 300zx online for around 4,500. It isn't a gt, its automatic and its a v6. I told my dad about it and he said no. When I asked why he said because nissans are different and the insurance will be high if I buy that car, but he says its fine if I get a different car make that has a v6. Is what he said true? Will the insurance go higher because its a nissan sports car? (We have gieco)""

Why are Pickup trucks so expensive to insure?

ok, I'm 17 and I own a 1999 Dodge Ram 4x4. I pay an insane amount for insurance, and I know I'm a teenager, but I haven't had any tickets or accidents to make it go up. Anyway, my truck is really common in my area, there are Ford, Chevy, and Dodge trucks everywhere you look. But yet I compare the insurance of my truck to a brand new Camaro SS, and the Camaro way cheaper, Heck I compared it to a Brand new Mercedes Benz CLS63 AMG, and it's still way cheaper. I'm thinking about getting a little newer Dodge Ram, but the insurance is a little more expensive on it than what I'm already paying. So why are trucks the most expensive vehicles to insure? I mean if they are in a low speed accident, they don't cost nearly as much to fix as a Brand new expensive car such as a Mercedes with expensive parts, and trucks don't get damaged as easily either. It's kind of frustrating that I have a 11 year old vehicle that you see everywhere, and the cost to insure it is outrageous already, but even If I get the same truck only 5 years old, it's even more to insure, which is understandable seeing how it's newer. I know trucks are big, but even a Brand new Suburban cost less to insure than my 11 year old truck. The truck I'm thinking about buying is the most expensive vehicle possible to insure on a standard drivers license.""

Why do you have to have full coverage on certain cars?

I have only liability right now on a 2000 ford. I am trying to figure out how much my insurance will go up, and if I have to get full coverage or not. Also what is the longest you can have a car loan? I really would like a Nissan Murano maybe around 12,000-15,000 at the abs. maximum. What do you think my monthly payments would look like? Thank you for any advice.""

Will upgrading my car Increase my Insurance?

Lets say I bought a $3500 Honda Civic(Decent Condition). Now, lets say I got a paint job, new hood(sporty), redid the dash, maybe replace the engine with a faster(speed wise) one(these are just examples, not gonna do it), would that increase your Insurance because I know they increase your insurance if you buy a sporty car right off the bat. Thanks xD""

Cheap car insurance places in michigan?

i am currently relocating and i need to find a very cheap insurance for my husband asap. he is 21 clean record and doesn't have much of a credit started. does anyone know what car insurance places that would be cheap less than 150 a month i know it varies for different people but I'm stuck and need a few ideas.

How much will my parents car Insurance go up when I get my drivers licence?

I live In Missouri, by the way. Doesn't the Insurance automatically go up for them?""

What are some cheap car insurance companies for me?

I know the General offers really low rates, but what other companies offered in Louisiana are cheap?""

Can my father insure my car under his name?

I'm planing on financing a car and my father will Co sign. Can he put the car under his insurance I am only 18 years old so insurance just under my name is extremely expensive or is there a way he can be a Co owner of the vehicle if so how ?

Dentist cost for teeth cleaning without insurance?

I live in Fairfax, VA and was wondering how much would it cost for the teeth cleaning with no heath insurance. thanks""

Which insurance company insures in the us and in canada?

question is in the title.

How much could the cheapest car insurance be for a length of 6months?

I am planning to by a car and I wanna get my finances together. Knowing fully well that getting a car is one thing and insuring it is another, I wanna find out how much the cheapest car insurance could be for a 6months period.""

Car Insurance Taken Away?!?!?! HELP?

Ok... so my mom got in a car accident.. which made the insurance company look at my insurance. They decided that I was an at-risk driver.. and they were not getting sufficient money from me if I were to get in an accident and la-de-da so my insurance was taken away!!!! They sent me a letter telling me to basically find another company within a week. I was just wondering.. has this happened to anyone else?! How much will my insurance go up?? -I've had 1 accident that was due to weather conditions... yet they still classified it as at fault -1 speeding ticket (10km over... no points taken away) -1 no-seatbelt ticket. I am 19 in a month... an honours student.. female..going for my 'g' in a week. .... What do I do?!?!

""Second speeding ticket in California, first one was more than 18 months ago?

I got my first speeding ticket about 2 years (24 months) ago. I paid the fine but didn't go to traffic school. I got my second one a few weeks ago. Will it add a point to my ...show more

How much would It cost to Insure a 17 year old?

I am 17, been driving for 2 years with my permit. I have had no accidents, tickets or a bad driving record. In 2 months my permit expires and I have to get my licence. I would be driving a 1991 Toyota Pickup DLX with 162k miles. The insurance would be with State-Farm. How much would It be to Insure me? or a quote. Reason I ask Is because I tried asking State-Farm but they cant give me a 100% accurate quote because i dont have my license yet. Thanks!""

What company in maryland has affordable health isurance?

Truck hits curb due to icy road..Damage is extensive. Will insurance pay? ?

I was heading down a hill; the road was icy. The truck wasn't stopping properly. It slid into a curb; damaged the wheel (rim). Now, the truck swirves to the left when I drive. I thought I needed an alignment. Went to an auto shop; turns out I need to replace a control arm ($569 just in parts) and some frame pulling is needed....AND an alignment. Total cost: $1750 (with labor) I do have comprehensive coverage with a $500 deductible. I just called my insurance and am waiting to hear back from a claims rep. (they said within 24 hrs); can they deny this for any reason? I really need the truck fixed soon.... Also, will my premiums increase? By a lot???""

Co-Buyer Auto Insurance?

All, I helped ex GF to buy a car. I thought I was co signing for loan but apparantly I am a co buyer of car. The registration is her or me . I dont mind being responsible for loan. If she messes up loan I will make payments. She tells me she has car properly insured etc. What worries me is if she lets insurance lapse or cause a major accident could I end up in trouble. Can I insure myself against her letting insurance lapse or causing major injury/damage? I currently have no personal auto insurance (have company vehicle). Is there anything else I can do to protect myself? Im very worried about this. Do I need to be or am i overreacting? Pat""

I have full coverage auto insurance and i am wondering what happens if my car breaks outside of an accident?

my cars been acting up lately and i think the front end my go out soon and i was wondering if my auto insurance will pay for me to get it fixed

300zx insurance quote

I have a Mazda 6 ... whats the cheapest Car insurance I should get for it? per month?

What's the cheapest car insurance to get on a Mazda 6...2008? Expected Monthly payments, ect. I am currently at 70/month... with Allstate but I wanted to know if there was a cheaper service out there.""

""Roughly, how much do you think car insurance would cost me?""

I was wondering if anyone knows roughly how much it would cost for a seventeen year old girl to get car insurance? All the websites I have tried keep asking me for details about the car I'm trying to insure. I don't have a car yet, all I want to know is if I did, roughly how much would it cost to insure?""

How Do I Get Medical Insurance...???

In my situation: I'm 16 and covered under my mother's insurance through the state because she has a disability- I'm moving in with my self-employed father who's covered by his wife's insurance (which is through her job). When custody get's switched over, I'm no longer covered by my mother, and my dad doesn't have his own plan. Since no one can afford 700 dollar bills every time I get a sore throat or tooth ache, what the hell should I do? Advice PLEASE.""

Home Owners Insurance?

My husband and I are looking for the best home owners insurance in California one that includes earthquake coverage and other stuff like fire and theft can you give me places to check out? We will be living in Culver City, California in the USA""

How much does insurance cost a month?

Okay, I'm 21 years old and I'm a full time college student I work part time and I live with my mother and step-father. I'm on my fathers insurance. My father is a Department of Transportation worker he has worked for the state for about 33 years. He has PEIA insurance. He called me today and was complaining cause he got a doctors bill for me for $35...he wanted to know why and I said idk maybe it was a mistake can you pay it since it's not that much...and then he goes into this whole thing how he pays my insurance every month...blah blah blah...but he doesnt realize that my mom and my step dad do everything else I mean they pay my other bills. He hasn't paid anything since I turned 18 except for insurance (he won't even take out a loan for my education...my mom and I do that). I pay my car insurance,gas, and cell phone bill out of my part time job check cause I commute to school. He has the nerve to call me and gripe over $35!!! WTF?!?! Does anyone know how much he pays a month or about how much he pays?""

How can your medical history be discovered?

when signing a form to release your medical records, how are they able to obtain those since there is no computer system that links all your records and if you seek treatment without utilizing insurance is it possible for anyone to actually find out unless they know the specific doctor you go to?""

Would you accept a job working as an Insurance Call Center Agent?

The job entails helping senior citizens all over the country obtain affordable insurance solutions that cover their final expenses and medical bills. The work hours are Monday ...show more

How much will the Insurance cost me for A 1999 Mitsubishi Eclipse ?

I am 17, and I was thinking about my first car, and I've been doing some research and I love the Mitsubishi Eclipse and I can afford to buy one since $1000-9000 is in my price range, I found a perfect 1999 Black Mitsubishi Eclipse is great condition for $6,999, but since I'm a new driver insurance will not be easy but I don't want to take full coverage I just want PiP. Anyone that works at an insurance company that could help or anyone who knows how insurance works answer my question.""

How much do you guys pay for Honda S2000 car insurance?

I got a quote for 490 for 6 months. Full coverage from state farm for a 04 Honda s2000. Is this good?

What's an average car insurance for a 16 year old. ?

I'm going to be a 16 year old. I'm a male and I live in maryland if that helps I have no clue about car insurance so any and all info would help! Please and thanks! (:

How much is insurance for a 16 years old camry 1997 yahoo?

i live in california, and we have 4 drivers in my family and we pay 700, 1 way, how much will i pay im 16 and i will be getting a camry 1997""

High Insurance Rate for RX-8 05'?

I'm 20 years old and have been driving for 4 years now. As of recently, I own a RX-8 05' (1st Car), No prior accidents, never gotten a ticket. Nothing negative what-so-ever with vehicles or finances. I'm paying $1600 and change every six months including discounts such as Military, anti-lock brakes, etc. Insurance company is Gieco. I took in to account that I am in fact a young male with a race car but with no intentions to drive reckless. Its a car that I plan to have for a few years and enjoy driving it before I get something more economically sufficient. My question is... Is this a reasonable payment? Do perks and lower rates come the longer your with a company and continue safe driving?""

What effect does not being at fault in an automobile collision have on your insurance premium?

Doesn't the cost go up any way?

Can you force a health insurance company to keep you insured?

I am a student going on 25, and I have health insurance through my parents via their employers. At 25 my health insurance company will drop me. If i have a chronic illness that requires medication to control and regular check ups can I keep my health insurance from dropping me? If so how would I do that?""

""Car Insurance, ammended details of profession lead to increased premium?""

My car insurance company rang me two weeks ago asking to update my details. I was previously registered as a student and unemployed but changed this to working part time as an admin assistant. A week ago I received my new certificate of insurance but today they rang me to say that my premium had increased by 150! I find this difficult to understand how changing my profession from student to admin could whack up my premium by this much. At the same time they offered me a new deal from another insurer , which they claimed would be cheaper, but I refused over the telephone as I felt too confused at the time. Now they told me that they will be sending me the bill to pay off the new increased premium. Can anyone help me confirm whether insurance companies can do this? I am not driving my car any more than I previously had and I cannot see as how my new job increases the risk of me having an accident!! Thanks""

Insurance on a 1998 Toyota Camry 16 y/old about to be 17?

Ok so i need your help. I am 16 years old and about to be 17 im going back to the u.s. and have a old 1998 toyota camry waiting for me (btw yuck) ok and my parents said to drive this until my insurance lowers and theyll get me a new car by graduation which is next june. So my question is how much do you think my insurance will be? Its a fairly old car and not in a good condition and i have had 1 accident which was pretty big but not completly my fault like 60%

Question about Michigan auto insurance! URGENT!?

I have a son that has his drivers license and he doesn't have a car. He does NOT drive my car! Does he have to be on MY policy? If he's on my insurance it raises it 500 dollars for 6 months! HELP!

What cheap cars to buy insurance wise?

Looking to see what is a good car (within UK) to buy for a 1st time driver that just passed test. I was thinking corsa or Ka something 1.3 or lower, only requirement I have is the same reason for a car and give up motorcycles- need the car to be able to fit a baby seat comfortably in the back seat, any suggestions?""

Cheapest car insurance rates for older car/no record/liability only?

hi- if anyone knows chespest company, i did a online quote for progressive, but dont want to take the time to go through all companies. if anyone knows cheapest rates-company, please let me know""

What is mortgage insurance?

When having somebody co-sign for a morgage with no $$$ down, how does mortgage insurance work? 1) Is it required? 2) Is it permanent? 3) Is it like a car insurance policy - where the money is paid, and if the insurance is never 'claimed' then the money is gone? 3.5) Does a mortgage insurance payment go towards the principle price of the house?""

Good Insurance? Any Advice?

Hello, I am looking for a good, affordable insurance plan and don't know where to look for some good ratings or tips. I am married but the insurance would only be for me, my son has insurance already as well as my husband. It costs us way to much money to add me to my husbands insurance through work. Any tips on where to look and how to go about the search? I am looking to spend somewhere between $300-$500 monthly for it, I am in the United States. I also have some health issues. Endometriosis and Fibromyalsia. Any tips that would help me out would be so appreciated! Thank you to everyone!""

Insurance rates for Volkswagen beetle?

Hi there! I'm 16 and looking into getting a Volkswagen beetle. I've been searching on craigslists and they have some cheap ones on there. What are the insurance rates on them?? I'm looking at year 1998-2003.

Help with car Insurance? Insurance broker claims cheap insurance?

Hi, I'm 17 and I just recently passed my test, so I'm planning of getting a car soon, maybe even next year, but the point is - I have seen this guy on facebook claiming to be working with an insurance broker that's why he can get cheap insurance... My question is not if he is a scammer or not, my question is, do insurance brokers have the right to give cheap insurance? And approximately how much off? (note i'm 17 and i'm thinking of getting a golf or a astra and i live in east london)""

Problem with Admiral car insurance... heeelp!!!!?

Hello Thank you for entering in my post I've been with Admiral insurance for more than 1 year, which is my 1st car insurance since I've been in England I've been driving for more than 12 years and I've never made a claim before it was a normal and clear day and i was going to work when I had an accident with a girl riding a moped It was a very silly accident, fortunatelly none was injured, and I only had a broken wind-mirrow, which is no more than 50 of damage I had to call Admiral, my insurer, to sort the problem out, I had no other choice Admiral told me I was not covered to go to work since on the policy agreement says: use for social, domestic and pleasure purposes only. And, according to them, to be covered, my policy had to be: use for social and COMMUNITY. So Community for them means, going to work, it is ridiculas but that's what i was told However they said we cover you, you will have to pay 23.74 extra and you will be covered, it was frustrating, a theft, but I let it go... The absurd story didn't even start yet! I gave Admiral all the details which the police had given to me the day of the accident plus some pictures of the scene, which I took before to leave that day Admiral sent an inspector who interwied me at my house. This inspector wrote a statement of 6 PAGES! about my accident, however, I need to say, he did a very good job On the statement states that none was injured and the fault lies with the moped rider, which is also what the police said on the scene. In addtion this inspector suggested to call my insurer again to finally get my car fixed. Admiral told me I will have to pay for the damage myself and, after all their investigation, if they find out it was not my fault, I can ask e refund for the damage, and they added that this investigation can take up to 3 years, so I will have my money back in 3 years! this is because according to them, the moper rider was injured This is absolutely incredible What would you suggest? I would like to get rid of this Admiral policy as soon possible, I would like to claim against it Who could I call to claim against Admiral? Any suggestion according this matter will be very apprecitive thank you in advance for your help""

What insurance company provides the best rates?

So I just bought my Volkswagon Beetle and need to insure it. I'm looking for the most affordable and most reliable insurance company out there. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance

300zx insurance quote

What car insurance company has the best rates and prices?

i just bought a car and dont know which insurance company to choose

How much is insurance on a Chevy Camaro?

I'm 16, ill be on the car by myself. the camaro is a 1998, and in great condition. i have state farm along with my family so ill be on their plan, ive done the steer clear program and have good grades which both give me a discount! does anyone have an estimate of what is might be per month????""

What is the cheapest motor vehicle insurance company in NY right now?

I wanted to know if anyone knew of any good insurance companies with low rates. I'm kinda sick of the one I have now Geico. Service is not great, guess they spend too much money on commercials and none on customer service. Any info would be great! Thanks.""

What is the best insurance company to have if you need to go into a rehabilitation center?

Which insurance covers the most??

""Car insurance for 2 people, is it cheaper to insure 2 seperate cars or 1 ?""

So 1 car each, or one between 2 people..... which one would generally be cheaper ?""

""What is the cheapest insurance for a teenager in alex,la for a motorcycle?""

What is the cheapest insurance for a teenager in alex,la for a motorcycle?""

Car Insurance estimate for a 17 year old.?

How much do you think insurance will be for me (a 17 year old male) driving a Vauxhall Corsa 1.2L 2004? I have looked on websites for quotes but I am not yet 17 and you have to be in order to get a quote and I think they will check the household to make sure you are the right age. So any guesses on how much it should cost?

Really high auto insurance rate question?

My son, who just turned 18, has a pretty extensive traffic record. Firstly he got a ticket for passing in a no passing, but he went on diversion and was clean for more than a year so is that off his record now? Secondly he has also been in 2 wrecks before, gotten arrested for possession of marijuana, and just today got a speeding ticket for going 63 in a 45(163 dollar ticket). currently the insurance for him is 190 a month which is five times higher than anybody in the family. So what should i expect the insurance to be now, and what are my options because this is a lot of money.""

What would be more affordable?

a 2003-2004 mustang v6? or a 2006-2007 chevy cobalt? insurance wise. serious answers only please. thanks.

I can't get car insurance?

I just bought a cheap older car with high mileage (the only thing I could afford) but I cannot pay the monthly insurance premiums. I'm only talking about liability insurance. Collision is out of the question due to budget. I've shopped around and I can't seem to find a premium that is less than $200 a month! What should I do? What are the risks with driving without insurance? I need to be able to get to work everyday or else I might as well set up camp outside my workplace in a cardboard box :(

What is the best and cheapest company for motorcycle insurance?

I am a rider with 10 years of driving experience but my license lapsed and I was forced to start over as a new driver (M1 graduated liecense). I'm married, in my 30's, I drive a 1999 Yamaha YZF R-6 and have never made any claims.""

How much would insurance cost for a 16 year old boy with a Nissan 350Z?

""If someone hits your car and you don't have insurance but you weren't driving it, will they still pay?""

If someone hits your car and you don't have insurance but you weren't driving it, will they still pay?""

How much would car insurance be...?

My Bf and I are going to be moving in together within the next year, we are going to have only one care, (i think) and possibly two within the next 2 or 3 years. We'll be living in North Carolina. I just need an estimate as too how much car insurance for us would be? Thanks!""

Good health insurance!?

I need an good health insurance located in Indiana? Any recommendations and experiences ?

How much do you think auto insurance will cost me?

I am getting a 1971 vw bus, $8500 was how much I payed, a/b student in a college prep school, all honors classes, 16 year old male, live in florida, have not recieved my license yet and am in 10th grade. How much do you think it will cost me to get insurance at the cheapest rates?""

Young Drivers Insurance question?

I'm 18 years old and passed my driving test on the 30th September 2010. I don't have a car because I cant afford the insurance. I'm working full time. I found a nice little car, a 2001 RENAULT CLIO, 1.2 16V 3dr Hatchback. I used a price comparison site to get a basic idea of what the insurance would be on it - and using my real own details and it was 5993. So I messed around a bit and added my mum as a second/extra driver. The price crashed down to 3,153. The option to add another driver was still there so I added my dad too and the price is now 2,617 - much more in my price range. I called them in and was like look at this and what do you think and they both agreed that there was something wrong with it and there would be a catch somewhere but I disagree. They said it would affect their own no claims however when added a extra driver no information about an extra driver is there. Are they right that there would be a catch? And can someone give me some more information about this please! Thanks!""

What probably are the causes for increasing health insurance rates?

Is it due to inflation, lowering standards of medical care, insufficient government control, deteriorating human health, environmental degradation or other factors?""

Is there any Affordable Car insurance for drivers with violations? ?

I have seven (7) points on my license and i can not find affordable car insurance to save my life. Is there anyone out there that has experienced what I am going through and got over it? I need my car and full coverage. On top of everything, im financing so i can not get liability if i wanted to. Help me please.""

I'm have been paying for a car and insurance for 3 years but the car is not under my name and that person report a car stolen what can i do?

ai'm paying the car and insurance for 3 years and that person report the car that i have stolen the car only way to store what can i do

What is the average cost to add a 16 year old to auto insurance?

I am 16 and I am trying to get my parents to let me get my license and put me on the insurance, but they think it will cost to much. I know it will cost more, but I don't know how much and I have an A average at school and I am a girl so that has discounts. I asked the insurance place but they asked to many questions so if you have a rough estimate that would be great.""

How much do you have to pay for your teen's car insurance?

also, what does he/she drive and the year?""

How much does car insurance go up from a minor accident w/no injuries?

I just got into an accident hitting a car on the freeway, not paying attention, so I hit the car in front of me. He said and his family weren't hurt, but you never know how they will feel the next day. How much will my car insurance go up? I have no tickets on my record & no accidents. I did receive minor damage to my car & a small dent to the other car';s bumper. I wasn't speeding or drinking. My car is a 2004 Honda Civic four door & I'm in my 40s. Oh, I live in CA. Thanks.""

Who can get your insurance. how much does it cost.?

what is the age limit that can get your insurance. are there any limitations to getting this insurance.

Im 18 years old and need insurance.. Any ideas?

I need some help.. I'm only 18 years old and living with my boyfriend. We have been together for 5 years. I have been thinking about insurance on myself lately. He has it through his parents but I don't have it at all. I cant afford to much since I only work part time and I'm also attending college as a full time student.

300zx insurance quote

Is there a place I can get affordable life insurance?

Car insurance and business... HELP...?

Hi, I am 17 and am taking my test next week. I am also soon starting an apprenticeship (electrical). At this time I am not sure about transport (if I have to go to company and travel as van passenger or even driver) or if I have to make my own way to jobs. Whichever way a licence will help a lot. If I am just driving to work 4 days a week and college 1 then can I use Social, Domestic and pleasure + commuting to a single place of work or study ? and if I have to drive between jobs then I know I can not use this insurance (correct?) but when looking at business car insurance quotes they seem to be based on me owning the company (which I do not) so what insurance do I need and is there any responsibility on my employers to pay some or all of the insurance if I am driving between jobs? Please can you help... Thanks in advance.""

Whats the rule for taxing life insurance in California in 2011?

I think before it was anything after half a million is taxable and no tax in 2010...but would it be now?

Is insurance for a salvage car cheaper?

I am looking to get a 03 Mitsubishi Evo with a salvage title. I am just wondering what it would do to my insurance? Will it be cheaper than if the car had a clean title?

Should i use life insurance or annuity or retirement?

my wife has a non qualified annuity @ 3% fixed rate. my question is on her renewel medicaid application should i use annuity-retirement or life insurance policy. thanks for any help & may GOD bless.

""1994 Mazda MX-3, How much would insurance cost for it!?""

So I got a 94 Mazda mx-3 car, and I live in Calgary AB. And i'm 16, could anybody give me a estimate on how much registration, insurance, ect, would cost?""

What is the cheapest insurance for an 18 yo first time car?

i asked my uncle, he said it could be around $300 for 6 months, idk if it is true or not. but are there any cheap insurance? idk, please help. if i want to buy a new tundra, how much it does it cost?. i work full time. $3k/month.""

Speeding ticket and insurance question?

I just posted a question about my speeding ticket I received yesterday I was going 101 mph on a 65 mph zone. I'm under my dads policy and im 17 this is my first ticket I just want to know how this is going to effect the insurance rates? Obviously they'll go up, but our policy expires in August will the insurance notify my parents about the ticket when they find out about it or when we go renew our policy/. thanks""

Why do people hate Obamacare so much?

Because of this law, a lot of people are now able to get affordable health insurance. I'm one of those people. I can buy my epilepsy medication at an affordable price. Why do Republicans want to rip this away from me and go back to the way things were before? By the way, I was on my parents insurance before, but I moved out because I needed to be a man and get out on my own. Because of Obamacare, that is much more affordable now for me. Health care was a disaster before this law. What will Republicans do if they repeal Obamacare?""

Will my car insurance rates increase? Please help?

I have a lease with the full mandated insurance in FL and I have Geico. There is construction on my building and while my car was parked in it's space apparently a rock or some piece of concrete from my building must have hit my moonroof and shattered it completely. I must have this fixed ASAP and am still working out who between my condo association and the construction company are going to pay for this. In the meantime I need to know if I call Geico about this incident will I be in jeopardy of having my rates increased? The car was parked in it's space, I was not driving, and it was not my fault. Thank you for answering.""

Question about newborn insurance coverage under the mother's plan?

With the birth of my first two children, any claims that were submitted to the insurance company for the first 30 days were paid under my plan. After that, I could elect to add them to my policy or not. I had a baby 30 days ago and they're denying his claims. I've called Humana (a new insurance for me since the birth of my first children) and they assured me that the claims for him would be paid, and that they would NOT add him to my policy (he has separate insurance). I was just at Humana's website searching for a provider (for myself) and it appears they've added him and made my deductible of $2,000 go up to $4,000 (family coverage). Is this correct? I thought it was state or federal law or something that newborns are covered under the mother's policy for the first 30 days. Can someone help?""

About how much would car insurance be?

My husband and I are stationed overseas for the army and we are looking to buy a new car. (A Ford Focus or a Ford Fusion) I want to know about how much it will be a month/year for insurance. We are both under 21 (19 and 20), but my husband turns 21 in January. Anyone have any idea how much it would cost?""

Confused.com form for car insurance?

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My parents have triple A auto insurance and I have recently gotten my drivers license. I have tried to research the requirements for insurance by law on the California DMV website and the most concrete statement I found was some numbers that cover various damages and injuries (DMV website is not working properly so I cannot look it up). My parents insurance obviously covers the basic and more. However, my parents policy states that Any relative that has consent of the owner to use the insured vehicle is covered by this policy - These are not the exact words as I don't have the policy on me, but it is pretty damn close. In the definitions portion of the policy, it states a relative as anyone related by blood, and some other stuff. I am my parents son so I am obviously related by blood, thus their policy coverage extends on to me when they give me permission to use their vehicle. I did not find ANY California laws that required me to be on the policy. i only found information that said I only need that minimum coverage which my parents policy does provide. We did contact triple A about this and they did not give us a reasonable answer. All they said was that they WANT my parents to add me because THOSE ARE THE RULES. Seems like they just want more money in their pockets. Can someone give some advice? Thanks.""

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I'm looking for a fairly inexpensive way to get around So I found a 49 cc Honda Ruckus moped/scooter that I'm looking to buy and insure (because of mandatory insurance laws in Florida) How much would it cost to insure it if I'm looking for the lowest available plan for be in the confides of Florida law. I keep it inside my house at night. and BOTH if I HAVE HAD a learners permit for a year and DON'T and just got a license I'm 18 and want to see if the savings will be worth waiting a year to drive the thing.

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/arizona-insurance-commission-kylie-pruitt/"

0 notes

haeroniel-doliet · 6 years

Text

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more.

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya.

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else.

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah.

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds.... ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other.

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks)

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!) anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until. yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...) ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess)

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade.

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh.

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.)

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me) but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that....

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that.

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it- idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk.

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first) i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” )

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it.

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is?

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work

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