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madisonrooney · 2 years

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jersey boys weekend was....insane. which like obvs i expected but it was far more insane than i couldve predicted in the best possible way. more under the cut.

i think imma just let out a stream of consciousness that ill keep chronological as best i can

- its always hard to say if ill cry or not cuz sometimes i do sometimes i dont even with really really special things. admittedly, i was even more vulnernable bc when we got in friday night, there was an issue with our tix. they were supposed to be in the pit but the pit had been removed bc of covid. they had called me last june about changing my pit tix for saturday matinee but never addressed friday even tho they knew i had tix for multiple shows. given that was last june, naturally i forgot about it, so i never reached out to them or anything. so they just had to....find other seats for us. i was really confused and not sure if we were gonna get moved or something. admittedly tho, that still counts as “emotions being impacted by jersey boys” so. hey. but i was definitely also vulnerable out of excitement, i was feeling that all day.

anyway. yah. i fucking sobbed when ces soirees la started, even into silhouettes. like not just tears streaming down my face but like vocal, guttural sobbing. which admittedly isnt that appropriate in a theater, thats more of a concert thing, but i couldnt control myself. regardless it was euphoric. you have no idea how many times i have envisioned that moment in my head for the last TWO YEARS. it may have been slightly disrupted and i was a bit distracted, but i was definitely still able to be present in the moment to some extent.

- every. last. second. not only was just so perfectly written, paced, and acted, but felt so connected to who i am and what i love. not to say i didnt already know i felt that way about the show, but it had been so long. nearly twice as long as the longest id gone without seeing the show before (since i fell in love with it that is). not to mention weve all changed a lot over the last 2 years and im sure most can say they hold the things they love to an even higher value now, especially if those were things they couldn’t experience during quarantine.

- there was new dialogue between frankie and mary?? about knowing each other in high school?? not sure when that was added or why but my mom and i looked at each other like ???? that HAS to be really new cuz i listen to the jersey boys podcast and they havent mentioned it, and i feel like they would if they knew about it

- frankie valli is a short king. dont know how ive never said this before.

- gyp had a really good my mothers eyes cry and i grade gyps on that lol

- im starting to realize that i go ape is kind of a bop. is that bad.

- my dad came to saturday matinee. he hadnt seen the show before, id shown him the movie twice but he couldnt get that into it. but i think it finally clicked. i didnt get my hopes too high, i was sure enough he wouldnt hate it but if he just liked it ok that wouldve been enough. but he kept saying it was “awesome.” i heard him laughing at a number of jokes and i know he loved the music. he had to leave right after so i havent gotten much time to hear all of his thoughts but im def gonna call him soon to hear more.

- OKAY so after saturday matinee, we went to the stage door cuz i wanted pics with the tour buses. turned out, they were just all white but THE CAST WAS THERE. i didnt really know what to do since i know some places discourage stage dooring given the pandemic so i was just like as considerate as i could be but they were super chill, and i got pics with a ton of them + autographs??? normally i rehearse what ill say to actors in my head first and i did a bit leading up to this weekend, but i was pretty sure it wasnt even gonna happen, and in this case, i got no advance notice, i just had to jump right into it. they were just...THERE. so its safe to say i was a bit rambly and probably not saying exactly what i intended too but i also beat myself up too much in those situations a lot. they were all SO nice. i was so so so so happy and excited cuz i mean stage dooring is always exciting and more so for this show but the fact that it happened WHEN I WASNT EVEN EXPECTING IT TO. i was coming unglued looking forward to the show alone and then i got THIS on top of it. i wouldve been over the moon meeting just ONE cast member but i met a TON????

worth noting, one of the people i met was katie goffman who was doves cher understudy in clueless the musical!! i had been excited when she was announced for the touring cast back in late 2019 i think? so im so glad she was still in the cast and that i got to meet her.

i also got to meet kevin patrick martin again who id seen on tour and seen and met at 54 below both in 2018. i remembered him being super nice and he was super nice this time around too. more on him later.

also met the actors who played tommy, joey, crewe, and gyp

- my best friend @wander--meets--world came saturday night, also not having seen the show, just the movie. again, if she just liked it ok, that wouldve been more than enough, i couldnt really say for sure if itd be her thing or not. but she really liked it!! and had so many thoughts to share that we got to talk about at intermission and afterwards!!! over the years, ive had so few people to talk about this show with. i usually just rely on my mom who is great but i cant yknow meme with her fdhgjlkjd. jessica’s familiar with p much all my other main fandoms so we can discuss them, but we hadnt been able to discuss this, which is majorly high on the list. so the fact that we can now makes me sososososo happy.

it was also the first time wed seen each other in person in 2 years?? weve never gone anywhere near that long without seeing each other in the 15 years weve known each other?? and what better thing for us to have been doing than this. we also listened to plastic hearts, went to our fav italian place downtown, went to the 24 hour baskin robbins after the show, and watched cr1tikal in her car. ideal saturday night.

- after that saturday night show, we met a few more cast members, most notably jon hacker who was frankie, who id seen in newsies 7 years ago at the same venue, + as joey at new world stages in 2018, at 54 below a few months later, and then as frankie at new world stages the day after that. met him all those times except when he was joey. i had been so excited that he was a part of the touring cast and im so glad i got to meet him, and we talked for a while! he had such thoughtful responses to everything i had to say. and his poor voice was so gone, he left it all on the floor. (luckily he had a day off today which he deserved lol)

that night, i also met the guy who played nick (who today i realized played gerry when i saw beautiful three years ago and i met him then too lol???) and 2 of the girls who were also super sweet. plus i saw some of the same people from the afternoon again.

- then we had our final matinee this afternoon. we had a different frankie which was very exciting. ofc i love jon but i also love getting to see understudies, especially when youre seeing the show that many times in a row lol. katie was also on and she told me later it was her first time on this year, and i also found out it was her and her husband’s (who plays tommy) first time in the show together!

met that frankie at the stage door plus eric (bob) who id really hoped to meet (he was the only season i hadnt met yet, last piece of the puzzle!) and antonio (barry belson). antonio omgomgomg he was so good in the show so i was so excited to meet him and he gave me a hug??? and i told him like specific inflections of his i liked in the show and he was so touched and impressed that i noticed that??

over the course of making stories and posts on insta, multiple cast members have watched my story, responded to my story, liked my post, commented on my post, and now devon and kevin FOLLOW ME???? HELLO????

im truly just over the moon. again, i knew this weekend would be amazing but SO much more came out of it than i was expecting. like i said, seeing the show was more than enough. even if i only saw it once it wouldve been. but getting to be a crazy superfan and see it so many times was so...validating?? and it was fun to pay attention to more minor details. but then on top of that, the experiences with the cast were remarkable.

it was a little adventure. it felt kind of like the clueless trip (tho i think thatll always take the cake, both for the pure chaos of it all and the unique experience). still, it had the same vibe which felt so good, especially having not felt something like that in so long.

i waited three years for this. eagerly anticipating it to no end and having to deal with it being postponed twice. but it gave me everything i couldve wanted and then some.

rounds 13-16 complete.

#jersey boys #this is insanely long and mostly for personal record lol

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nvvermore · 3 years

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i know weve all been fucked for a very long time but its actually like. really sending me that its march again. i guess ill bitch about it and put it under the cut

so like, some of u know and ive implied it here before but i have twin toddlers, and i had them in sept 2018. love them, amazing funky lil dudes. but ive been the stay at home parent (mom) since then. and child taking care of stuff is a walk in the park for me, but as twins often are, they were premature (with zero complications, just an extended hospital stay). but as sensible parents do, me and their other mother told all family they had to be fully vaccinated to visit, which ended in needed to cut contact with them to establish boundaries.

and clearly, im so secretive online about having kids because im quite young and frankly people in my age group hate children in general (which i understand WHY but like, really, ur just putting ur anger over being forced into societal norms onto other people instead of just dealing w it but whatever). which resulted in any friends i had left from high school cutting me off.

and their other mom (im sure ur thinking it, so for context im afab and shes amab, they are biologically our kids), immediately went back into work so i was left alone constantly with two babies and tons of postpartum health issues. she was eventually able to start permanently working from home once the buds were about 6 months old, but always resented me for it as if it wasn’t her equal decision to have them.

There’s been people around here and there, but all of it has ended with issues that i dont feel like rehashing, but at first quarantine didn’t feel scary because id been in quarantine since 2018. just now i couldnt have my weekly trip to target (my white suburban mom is showing). being in quarantine made me realize how fucked up my life had been up until that point, because i didn’t have anyone around to say “its fucked up you dont get to leave the house actually”. and so by the end of march last year i was making plans for post-covid, which included leaving my ex. obviously, i didn’t account for the fact id still be right here, a year from now.

ive been obnoxiously careful, this entire year. i can count the times ive gone out just because on one hand and even that makes me feel guilty, even though im in a high risk group myself. truly, i dont even think that i can comprehend that its been an entire fucking formal year of this.

i dont really know where i planned to go with all of this but if u read it all thank u. im not really looking for comfort or anything i just wanted to like, write about it. i’ll figure out some fiction to write these feelings into soon too probably ndjdjs

#ophie runs their mouth #just some venting dont mind me #like rlly runs it #tw covid #tw pregnancy

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yankeekitty · 4 years

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IMPORTANT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ!!

hello people, i genuinely hate looking like a beggar, but this is very bad times for my boyfriend and i the CAF decided to cut out helps, and we basically are extremely poor, we really need money to survive this month. since the quarantine started, weve been in nothing but deep deep shit, and now with our helps cut; we are going in deeper shit. so please please please, help me out, please.. i am opening animal crossing commissions! PAYPAL ONLY ; -1 character 15 usd/15 euro -2 characters 20 usd/20 euro -3 characters 35 usd/ 35 euro -for a full image with shading and a background like my van gogh gift art; 45 usd/45 euro +1 character 50 usd/ 50 euro only!

please,, consider commissioning me, these are extremely hard times for my boyfriend and i. please please please.. also consider sharing if you cannot commission me, it will help me a lot..!

please stay inside and stay safe during these harsh harsh times..

#animal crossing new horizons #animal crossing #acnh #acnl #ac #commission #commissions #my art #doodles #persona #me #fanart #vincent van gogh #vincentvangogh #vangogh #van gogh

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hoezier · 4 years

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I was tagged by @howlingoutsideyourdoor for this quarantine tag game or survey. Thanks for the tag, love!

Where are you isolated? (Country or city)

I’m in the United States. In Colorado specifically.

What are you currently reading or watching?

I’m finally getting around to watching Breaking Bad and I’m totally obsessed btw, just finished season 2. I’ve also been watching The Office, in addition to an Arabic TV show that I just finished. It’s قلم حمرة if any of my Arab bloggers are wondering. As for reading, my concentration has been too minimal for much of that. But my friends and I have a virtual book club and we’re reading The Decameron for that, which, btw is the perfect quarantine read.

If you can go outside what do you like to do during this time?

I can go outside, yeah. But only for walks, really. So I’ve been taking regular walks in the parks around my area.

Any fascinating concept you’re studying?

Re: shitty concentration: nope. I’m focusing on just being a person right now, especially since I was already going through such a rough patch mental health-wise, before this whole situation started.

A song/s that resonate with your state of mind at the moment?

I don’t know if I have any song that resonates with my state of mind, particularly, but I’ve been listening to this song, this one, and this one a lot. So I guess I’m finding myself drawn to this quiet style at the moment.

Favorite impulsive/ bad coping techniques?

I’ve been making GIFs a lot, which is not bad in and of itself, but considering the fact that I’m working from home and everything I do is on a compute screen, this amount of screen time even after work can’t be good for my eyes. There’s also the scrolling on the phone and playing games, Though I did mute most news outlets and sticking to local news only, to give myself a breather.

I tag: @andrewjhozier, @desertpups, @join-the-club-weve-got-jackets, @frank-kastle, @vulcanette, @sicklyscribe, @thestateofardadreaming, @wastedlaugh and anyone else who is bored and wants to do this!

#personal #quarantine life #not a single mention of hozy #???#who am i right now

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frogggypsyyy · 4 years

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Alright! Taking a break from my catradora piece to start on some fluffier #korrasami fanart! Anyone up to date on the comic books?! I have been able to grab the latest since weve been quarantined. 😭 Anywho - Having fun with this one. Had to look up too many references for asamis hair - and went back and forth on korras expressions! Enjoy lovelies. 😜 -

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pbandjesse · 4 years

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I really hope I can sleep better tonight. It is very frustrating. And Im going to have to start waking up early for work again and I will have to be driving and I am not happy about the possibility that I wont sleep before having a really long work day.

But today was a pretty good day. Besides waking up just super exhausted, I felt really cute. I love this jumpsuit. I was real happy with my hair and makeup. It was a good day.

I started it in bed though. Like after I got dressed, I grabbed the sandwich James made me and I just laid in bed and had my sandwich.

I was just laying in bed for a long time. But eventually I was like. Gotta get up.

James went to get quarters for us. And I worked on some art.

I did a lot of sanding today. Painted the other pot I put a base on yesterday. Its not my favorite but its still cute. Tomorrow Im going to seal all of the painted ones and get them ready for plants. Im excited. Going to start giving them away. I know which one is going to Jess. And our friend Benairen. I want to ask mom what one she might like. Then my brother. Just give them out. James is going to get me more clay soon. Im excited about it.

When James came back we went to the park and played frisbee. But I kept getting hit in the fingers and broke my nail. Which mostly just hurt. We sat on the hill and watched a dad play with their baby. It was cute. It was really just a beautiful day.

We got home and James made us lunch. James told me that I need sandals with backs for camp. So I spent a half hour putting leather straps on my sandals. I also ordered nice new sandals but these will do in the mean time.

I played animal crossing. I got word from the discord Im a part of that someone had turnips for 509 bells. Which meant when we were able to go over to their island later in the day we got 2.08 millon bells. Incredible. That island was in the southern hemisphere and it was snowing!! So that was really cool. I caught snowflakes and a bug and a fish we didnt have for our museum. It was really excellent.

The afternoon was mostly art and chilling. I made a big camping list document. I made lists for what I've bought. Things I need in my overnight emergency bag. My day pack. Things I would want if I need to sleep there. It was fun making a list.

James gave me a new tattoo. I was a huge baby about it because the place was weird and causing my arm to spasm. But James did a really good job on the curves. Itll get more work tomorrow but I really love it.

We ordered pizza for dinner. It was the best pizza weve ordered since quarantine started. Oh! And the doctors office called me. Well not the doctors. The nurse line at the mental health division called me. Because I filled out a form when I was very sad last week. And they were very concerned. So guys. I am the best, most functional adult, and I made an appointment to speak with the therapist on tuesday. I did almost call when the nurse made me feel validated and that was probably a sign that this is a good move.

I have been hanging out since then. Chilling. Playing with sweetP. I took a bath. And now I am ready to get some sleep. Going to wake up an hour earlier tomorrow to get ready for work wake up time. Cause I think Im going to have to get up at 630 normally. But at least this week I will have to leave here around 9. Which is when I have gotten out of bed the last week. Gotta work on that.

Wish me luck. Take care of eachother.

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chroniclecollective · 4 years

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i guess a life update lmao? where do i start exactly.

well for one, more stuff about my ex has been coming up for me, a lot of them being things she was doing to me or making do that were very controlling and manipulative. the fact that ive dealt with all this nd i Completely ignored it for so long until 5 months later after the breakup? why did it take me so long?

ok uh two. ive been in quarantine for 41 days since my job officially shut down due to covid19. i miss my coworkers so much, they were the only steady ppl i had in my life nd being able to laugh with them nd crack jokes nd see each other after work hours to hang out, smoke, jam out to music nd just. be ppl in their 20s yknow? ive been able to see one previous coworker who i hold dear to my heart a few times but it was only for a short time nd we social distanced. weve been stuck at home with our families the same amount of time nd just desprate, we ended up sitting in the parking lot of our job nd just talking for a while. i miss her a lot

three, the old host came out of dormancy after 4 years. i think he made a post or two on here already but that just rlly was a lot for me? bc originally he was host but then i formed like. fully? i existed but i called myself jimmy as well bc i didnt have a name for myself yet. once i chose the bodys name i kinda started fronting more solidly nd finally was host, nd jimmy still fronted but he was spiteful nd angry that i was taking over his life. i do regret that nd i regret pushing down this stuff nd denying him nd everyone else existed. hes doing alright for now, he doesnt front as often but hes active again.

four, i split abt two weeks ago. im still not 100% on if thats true, or if she was just dormant, but theres a new part whos very. how do i put this. thing emo girl in middle school but shes in high school. shes nice though, which is cool. but she deals with missing people frm where she says shes from? i dont believe shes a fictive or factive at all, she just seems very confused as to whos life she basically got dropped into since shes a cis girl. i can communicate with her pretty well surprisingly? cecile says thats bc she split frm me which ig makes sense but yknow. just weird

five, after consideration, once quarantine is over nd my job opens up again nd i can work, im going to save up for as long as i need to nd hopefully ill be able to pay for my first car nd save up for rent. the friend i mentioned earlier said she wouldnt mind rooming with me nd one of my supervisors, nd i was thinking abt asking my close friend abt if he would be interested in splitting rent. he wants to get out of his house, he just needs to find a job once quarantine is up nd i think he can do that

oh yeah finally thing thats rlly nice actually...i have a boyfriend now! im not gonna talk abt him in specifics, but hes a system host as well nd i love him dearly, nd he loves me just the same nd its very. refreshing frm all my past relationships so im cherishing him a lot ahhh. ill probably give him a code name of some kind if i feel like it.

alright so yeah, thats a bit of catchup for yall. also i know theres asks in my inbox, but i havent had the energy to answer them. know that i saw them nd ill get to them eventually. some i may delete if im uncomfortable though.

edit: oh yeah, with ceciles approval finally, we have a system journal of sorts. i only wrote in it once, nd apparently the new split off part did too, but ive been very. nervous to read it. idk what she said

- lee

#lee.txt #dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #actuallydid #actuallydissociative #splitting #tw covid 19 #tw coronavirus #lmk if i need to tag anything else #please do/nt re/bl/og

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dwightkschrute · 5 years

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In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time. (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go.

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year..#and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

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neo-shitty · 3 years

Note

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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deariann · 3 years

Text

Thought/emotional baggage dump/1year

So, my ex and I ended between us Last feb 24,2021. Weve been together for a year....

The story of us it started this way. I accept the fact we dont have a strong foundation.

Met him online. Started seeing each other, having dates for 4months. Officially got together on the 5th month (october 2019) . But unfortunately he is bound to UK for work, despite knowing all that we decided to continue it with LDR. He was able to let me meet his parents and I have mingled with his family 2x.

Came november 2019 he is now in UK.

First redflag. December/january of 2019 he kissed a girl which he only met and nakasabayan who came to UK (but i only knew this around May or June of 2020). Around May im sensing that something was off...and one of our video calls i caught him that he was hiding something from me and that he told me what happened. I was devastated. Felt worthless. Felt rubbish. But at the same time, the stupid me even rationalized that "touch" is a human need and i cant blame him for wanting it.

Came July 2019, COVID is being little less strict and that Ive heard that there are online classes for English exams which is prerequisite for UK. Then i pursued it thinking that if we are together, it will be pointless that we are in a relationship without knwng the unknown when we would be back together. So i purused UK, (never heard a single whisper from my saudi application, and the fact that sobrang narresign nko) from that i thought then it was a win win situation. So i reviewed July-August, failed the August exam (bec i was distracted with the thought he cheated on me, and the fact that this is going to be my future, and also the fact that im not fond of UK weather. Like is this worth it?) . Reviewed again, took the 1st October exam. Passed. Took my CBT around november (this too had hurdles, i went 2x to manila, first being cancelled because of a super typhoon thay got me stranded, 2nd ofcourse passed it with one take. Plus the fact that I had to reschedule my 1st take because I was quarantined, due to exposure of a positive patient at work. And that initially travel reqts that i need to quarantine. It wasnt an easy one. Plus the cost of 10k per baba to manila which costed me 20k for those 2 travels). During my quarantine in the hospital. I was antsy waiting my OET result, i just focused on reviewing for CBT to kill and make use of the time (thank God that was helpful). And then i had to send my files to the local agency. And this time around need to buy a laptop.

Around this time too september-oct our relationship has been rocky. "Pass the exams for me" . It was a pressure on my second take. I passed the exams. And he decided that he would wait for me, we both decided to give us a second chance, when i get there to relive the relationship.

Around november i was able to get in touch with the local agency and was told that there would be an intrerview by the hospital that i wanted to go to which i was hopeful. But i was then ghosted. And since i wasnt hearing any updates from the agency , and before the holiday season kicks in, i strived and was able to manage to get in touch with the foreign agency. December i had an interview with one the of the hospitals in London, failed with that. Then 1st few days of January i was then followed up by the foreign agency that there would be an interview (with the hospital that i wanted, in Cardiff) January 12. I was little panicky bec i already had a commitment interview and to another local agency for a January 20th interview, and that had little time to prepare but pinasaDiyos ko nalang and plus my experience. And the fact that one of the drug calcs and my interview almost overlapped. I finished the drug calc right away (passed that), and interview came next drug calc was 5pm. Interview was 6pm. Then right there and then I passed the interview and got accepted. Had to cancel the January 20th interview in hospital of London. Received an offer letter few days after. Then was referred to a local agency. Now i worked hand in hand with the foreign and local agencies in terms of my documents and such. So i was able to settle all my papers by the end of January and hopeful that i would be leaving feb if not march. I was told that i would join the cohort MAR31 (i was really sad about this). But then with all the follow ups this end of January still no progress.

Then i had to do more follow ups since the end of January to February so that i was expecting when to process my visa, OEC and the likes. Then came another bad news that I was moved to Apr 15. Told him about that and straightly asked him, considering his wellbeing, "Could you still wait?" His reply was "what if i cant" from there i knew its gonna be the end. We talked that night (Ph time) He said he would think about it. Then the next day, even before he called I knew what would be the answer, and that I just needed to hear from him. So it was after work, i was still sulky. And he was really bold with his decision to end things between us.

I like the fact and appreciated how his mother constantly checks up on me and calls me "Anak" , honestly she checks up on me more than my parents does and way MORE THAN any of my relatives does here which was a zero. So i really got closed with his family. And what hurted me the most was feb 24 i was all crying, alone, sleepy already because of my eyes...his mother messaged me right before i went to sleep, peeked through the message, and askng how i am. GREAT TIMING, i was like, yeah your son just broke up with me if thats what youre aksng. But then yeah i slept it off and decided to reply the next day. Plus also, it was also just then on that day that Irene (foreign agency she really is nice and dependable) went back at me plus emma from medacs like (dropped the bad news) FUCK YOU ALL GREAT TIMING EVERYONE. From the Irene part, it looks like she talked to Christian before talking to me. Like fuuuuckheads whyyyy is everything happening all at once!

The next day feb 25. Good thing im 3-11. But i was all sulky. Read his moms reply and it made me cry more. The fact that at sompoint i became part of the family. Which makes me sad. They would be a good in-laws honestly. But then its the end.

So there.

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thisisallaboutusbabe · 4 years

Text

Growthapart

Introduction

Most of the authors are correct with what they are trying to point out in thier masterpiece. Do you still remember The Road Not Taken by Frost from your 7th grade? I hope you do, because i took that road, been taking that beautiful road.

I am writing this not because im stucked in Enhanced Community Quarantine due to Corona virus pandemic, but because someday i want to read what i amariting and will be writing from today and the days forward. Idont know where is this going and how im gonna put into words everything what's on my mind. Though education graduate, i am not good at narrating and remembering things just so you know everything im gonna right here from letters a-z means speacial to me, and to my boyfriend. Yes you read it right. I hope youre not a sexist and will continue reading after digesting what you have just read.

The beginning.

It was June 2019 when I was hired. Been so excited since this is my first job. Though there are no clsses yet, The institution wants us to be present all the days of June just to make acquaitance and sort of trainings as well. In the first few weeks, it was only me,Teacher E,Teacher I, Teacher J and Teacher J. But as the days goes by, the faculty members gets bigger. There was only 4 male teachers in the group and one was added on the third or fourth week of June. Im not sure. I've told you that in my opening statements. (I thought you just need some validation.lol) and after letting him sit near in the group, i knew what is his name, J. J,as a psychology graduate, has been very keen and i knew that day he doesnt like me. i tried to be one of his friends but the universe was making me not to like him anymore....as a friend.( just making evrything clear.) There was this moment that i asked him about something i totally have forgotten. Good thing is he answered my open-ended question which was answerable by yes or no but he disnt take a pause but he keeps on walking. Atleast he answered. That day i realized that i shouldn't let myself be treatd that way by someone i just met. That incident broke my heart a little. The feeling of being ignored cannot be easily taken away. But hey, its just a one person, I still have the other teachers i mentioned a while ago. You shouldn't let someone treat you like your nobody. If you tried and you think its not really gonna work, leave them. Don't be afraid to lose people in your life.

Teacher's day 2019

It was an adventure with me,J Teacher E, which companied by her boyfriend, P and his bestfriend,ATe five of us. Do not wonder why I didnt mention Irish. That bitch ditch us. She was drunk and spend money for alcohols. Well shes not the only one who was drunk thatroning, Also Jbut he made it anyway. And that is what makes no-to-indianan E real mad, as she is really hot headed.

We made it to Enchanted Kingdom!!! We really enjoyed each other. We ate in a cheap restaurant, we laughed, we told stories, we had the chance to know each other. Remember A? Esbestfriend. Oh good. The bery first day i met him, i know I had a crush on him. not because of his body figure but because of his height,look and porma.

After K and i broke up for less than 3 weeks, i started talking to someone and his name is A. Well, he is nice. We added oirselves on facebook so ofcourse we talked about anything. After weeks or a month of talking , i followed him on instagram but never followede me back. I waited for a notification, but there was none. I knew from that moment its going no where, so we stopped.

After days or a month, (I AM NOT SURE AGAIN THOUGH I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE DETAILS I JUST COULDNT REMEMBER WHEN EXACTLY) Jervin and I became friends. We told about anything about ourselves gradually and clearly finding out what we truly are. There were so many times we stayed and slept at home but i will never forget the moemnt i was laying on his lap and holding his hand and biting it sometimes. I also couldnt forget how shiny and smooth his hair was as i run my fingers through his hair. It was memomorable. It was the beginning of everything.

First bottle

It was November 3, 2019 when i finally visit bim on his house and guess what, he was alone that time. Despite of the paper works waiting for us, which was the reason why i went there, we managed to buy oe bottle of red horse. After just one bottle, We both dizzy, and so we decided to sleep....together since i couldnt sleep alone in a house i just visited. Guess what drunk people do in a house without anyone who can see if things get hotter? To cut the story short, we kissed and sucked each other's nipple. Though we don't want what just happened, we still slept together. The day after that, we were not talking. It feels like it was the day one with someone you know could be the one. The emotions getting enormous and so my heart couldnt bear it. And the rain falls from the tio of my eyes. So i talked to him, we are both not in a calm emotional state. And so we cried.

Jervin, nust like me is a player too,but he is an expert. In the beginning of out friendship, he told stories about asking for load from someone hea flirting. And that day that i was crying at home texting him, my heart breaks a little and the rain became a storm. Wanna know why?because he was telling that this was gonna be his last message and he ran out of load. The level of sadness i felt that day wasnt measurable. And i feel like the feeling of betrayal brought by my kalandia in the past cane back. But after praying, I got welll. You know when you know your worth, Its awesome. You are awesome. But pfcourse at some point , things happen because soehow you let it happen.

The confusion

You know you can be together but there was soemthing that holding you back. Weve been getting to know each other since that day. We checked each other. We glanced at each other even during classes. We walked each other's home. We visited eache other's home. We did the late night talks while walking or by sitting in a dark area in Lakfront so people couldnt notice us that easily. We talked about everything and its just feel right. Christmas is cumming and we were both lloking for answers. When people say wait for perfect place and perfect timing, believe them.

The day!

It was in December 22,2019 when we finally said pur relationship is official. We were both happy. Everything is just fine. A usual landian moments of a new couple is what we did. Since its only 3 days before Christmas, i have to go back to Batangas. And so saud goodbye to each other for the meantime with a promise of coming back on 2020.

But as a malanding boyfriend who wants to see his boyfriend, I bought a Yem cake for him which was my utang from my cousin. The plan of surprisinf him at night of December 28,2020 was successful. i saw his eyes swollen as soon as he see me. He let me stay in his house for the meantime and after 30minutes or an hour weeent to oir house and made love.

Reasons why him

1. A pysch graduate- He knows wht i feel. He knows like everything im feeling. He is always there for me.

2. Giod looking- he is one of campus hearttrob. May students admire him. I admire him too. I love him more when gis smiling wearing a stripe shirt.

3. Genius- He is a person who can teach you things he knows. Like hacks on how to manually dry a cloth using a bath towel is what i couldnt forget. (You try it,you figure it out yourself how to dru clothes with a towell)

4. Attitude- When he says he dont like soemthing or someone, dont force him to like it. I have that attitude too. But the fact that loves me now is pricelss.

5. Clingy- never did i taighy that i would love someone who is clingy because never did i thought that i would be that clingy to him. He likes hugs,kisses on his body and canton. You read it wrong, read it again.

Idont where to put this but im gonna write it here. He told me he never like surprises, but as i surprise him with beverages like Delight,his favorite, it made hime smile. The favt that he loves when im surprisinf him what makes me stay and appreciated.

Memorable moments

There are thousands of memorable moments we enjoyed. And here are the following:

1. I run my fingers through his hair.

2. Thousands of times we hangout.

3. Walking and enjoying each other company at night.

4. Street food scenarios.

5. We foughtover buying a lots of Julie's bread.

6. We knocked doors even during classes to deliver foods.

7. He gave me a perfume. I make the box of it a pen holder.

8. Date at Mcdonalds.

9. I fetched him hahen he hangout with Ram and other girl.Iwaited an hour outside Mcdonalds

10. The clinic kisses.

11. The new building kisses.

12. The cumming with no hands.lol

13. The cumming from sofa to refrigirator.

14. We bought his Iphone and stripe shirts at Divisoria

15. The holding hands🥰

As of today, June 20,2020, were still together. There were moements of breaking up with him,but we are both fighting against the world. I always bear in my mind whathe is and what he truly deserves. And that is what holding me to oir relationship. Wee havent seen each other for almost four months but its okay. We dont wanna add up to health risk. Though there were times we experienced LDR problems, we are trying to reach and hear eachothers side before madness. Though i admit i easily get irritated because he is usually mad these days, i undrstand because we are in a LDR . Im not gonna be bias so im gonna tell this. One of the things that makes him mad is that i sleep early without notice and and i couldnt update him that much since theres a lot to do when your stuck in your hoise with your family.(please consider im the youngest in the family.)

Lat night, i slept early. Today, 3:43am , im still awake drinking coffeee. And he didnt notify me if he was eeping ir what. His last message was he was goint to take a bath but it was four hours ago. Maybe my bebe boy is taking a revenge. Goodnight!

- [ ]

June 20,2020

Hes becoming dry. Im hvjng thoughts he is no longer interested. Lets see if my emotion will change as it changes minute after minute.

June 22 2020

Nothing new. We barely celebrated monthsary as we go out when we hve time. And besides he dont wanna celebrate it. Its hard. Im wondering if hereally dint like to commomerate.

June 24,2020

We had chat. But he didnt chat me at night from 830 until now 1:25 am. I have sent kind words and i dont know whats gotten into him. I just hope and pray hes alriggt. Its OK for me for i know he has his own story he dont wanna tell and its cool. Di you want to know what on my mind right now? Let me tell you. So last month i guess He unfriended a lot of friends on facebook but eventually changed his accoint. So the converaations we had storires on hiw we started are on the first facebook accnt he used to have. And hes acting weird from what i notice and im thinking if im really the only one. I know and his friend how inlove he was with Paul,his past kalandian and a new character. Never did i tell that i can see his likes in Pauls accnt with his new account. Actually, he have two and since i got his password ofcourse he would like Paul's post with the pther facebook account. I also stalked Paul on Instagram and saw his likes again. Now that he used his NEW account i have no longer access to the first old one. I tried to log it in pero fcbk said wrong password. My ate and nanay have been friennds with J on Facebook and so i could use their accnt to heck if the old accnt has been deactivated. So before thinking wrecklessly im gonna find proof. And if he likes somebody else, who am i to stop his heart from loving someone who is surely better than me?

My hunches are wrong. I opened his facebook accnt and he hs been struggling the way people would see us together specially his realtives. Idontknow what todo. Universe truly gives shit and its hard.

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