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sirowsky · 3 years

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The Flowers Always Know

Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Language + severe triggerwarning for victims of domestic abuse.

Link to Masterlist

Comment: House-hunting, mole-hunting and Anita-hunting (sort of). And this chapter is like 95% conversation.

Chapter 32

“Are you serious?”

“What?”

“That is way too big… What would we even do with all that?”

“Hermosa, we fill the space we have. That’s not a euphemism, just a fact. If we have four rooms, we’ll fill those, and if we have twelve, we’ll fill those too.”

“Who the fuck needs twelve rooms?”

“It only has eight rooms.”

“And there are only four of us.”

“So, that’s it? No room to grow further?”

“Honey, just how much are you anticipating this little family to grow? That’s a totally serious question, by the way. How many kids would you actually like to have?”

“If your weird-ass body permits – like… four.”

“Hey, who are you calling w…… did you just say four?”

“Yup.”

“What… including Missy, or… an additional four?”

“I’m not picky. If we end up with just the two little miracles we have, I’ll still be the happiest man alive, but I wouldn’t mind having a bunch. Five, six, however many our love can create, I’ll be more than happy to nurture and raise and love all of them unconditionally, even when they inevitably pee on me.”

You had no idea how to answer that, so you just stared at him. But he knew how ambivalent you were about all things concerning family, so he didn’t pose the question back to you, and instead just smiled while he watched the cogs in your mind struggle to fit together.

“S-six… you’d be okay with another… six kids?”

“Mhm.”

“Fuck, Marcus, I’m struggling to even get it into my head that we’re gonna be joined by a tiny fragile infant in about 7 months, how are you already contemplating another five?!”

“Relax, preciosa, I’m not actively contemplating it, I’m just answering a question. Saying I wouldn’t mind something, doesn’t mean I’m aiming for it.”

“But you’re looking at houses with eight rooms…”

“Like I said: we fill the space we have. Rooms have endless usages, it’s not like we have to make all of them bedrooms. We can have home-offices, a separate play-room, a separate dining room.”

“Yeah, I get all that, it just seems excessive.”

“Sweetheart, all I’m saying is, we’re looking for a home for life. If our family grows more, I don’t want to have to move again. I want the place we pick to be one that can take anything we weirdo’s throw at it.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll look at the big-ass house.”

“Thank you.”

He handed you the phone and you scrolled through the different images, seeing things you liked and things you didn’t. But when you got to the master bedroom, your eyebrows shot up. The room looked ordinary at first glance, but when you took a closer look, you noticed that it had some special features.

“Marcus… is this why you’re so interested in this house?”

“It’s not the only reason…”

“Who the fuck owns this place - Stormy Daniels?”

“No, just some accountant.”

“The bedroom is soundproofed.”

“Which is convenient and useful for all kinds of people, but especially parents.”

“Hard pass.”

“We could just go and look at it before you dismiss it completely.”

“Nope. Not happening. Move on.”

“Why? Seriously, what’s so bad about it? Missy wouldn’t have to wear headphones every other night, and we wouldn’t have to worry about her overhearing stuff.”

“Yes, those are good points. But: what if something happens to one of us, and the other needs to shout for help? What if something happens to Missy, and she tries to shout for help and we can’t hear her? What if someone breaks into the house, and we don’t hear it? I mean, I’m pretty sure you have super-hearing, but I don’t, and you’re not home every second of every day. I want to live in a house that speaks to me. You know, the way our house used to creak in the mornings when the sun warmed it, and settle again in the evenings, when it cooled. And if we are gonna have a bunch of kids, I sure as shit wanna be able to hear every little thing they get up to.”

He looked ridiculously pleased at how you’d thought that through.

“Got it, hard pass on all soundproofing. But can I ask you another serious question? One you might not have such a clear answer for?”

“Sure.”

“Our house… why did you send the whole thing over there? Why not just Prince and his machines?”

“There wasn’t any thought involved with that, just instinct, and at the time, the house didn’t feel safe. I walked in and it was like entering a tomb. And I honestly don’t know if I could’ve ever walked in to that house again without having that feeling.”

“I can understand that, mi amor. And I hope you know that I’m not asking because I’m in any way upset with you. I saw the look in your eyes in those moments, and I know how scared you were. To be able to utilise your abilities with that kind of precision and delicacy right then, was down-right miraculous.”

“Let’s just hope I never have to try and repeat that miracle. Now, what’s next on your list?”

He tapped away on his phone, blinking a few times at the wetness in his eyes, before handing it back to you.

“Wow… this is even bigger.”

“Same number of rooms, just a bigger kitchen and more garage-space.”

“Oh, I like the yard.”

“Check out the backyard.”

“Holy… that’s huge! And a pool. We’d need guardrails around that, or I’d be perpetually terrified for the baby to fall in. Are those trees on the property as well?”

“Yes. That whole little patch of woods is.”

“Really? I mean, a pair of swings in those trees…”

You were so engrossed in the phone that you didn’t see Marcus smile wider as he watched you fall in love with the place.

“Oh, I love the kitchen. And there’s a fireplace! Those are beautiful floors. Holy shit – I could swim in that bathtub…”

“Sooo…… you like it?”

“I do.”

“Enough to go have a look?”

“Definitely. But Missy has to come too.”

He beamed. You’d had a few long conversations about the house-hunting before you actually started, and after a meeting at the bank, you’d found out that your credit was basically more than big enough for anything you might want, which was an odd thing to try and get your head around. Not that you wanted a life of luxury, but it was sort of strange to realise that you actually could have practically any kind of life you chose, in terms of housing. The two of you had settled on a firmly planted roof of expense that you were willing to extend to the purchase. And even though this house was huge and renovated to the nines with modern upgrades, that still managed to float seamlessly into the older stem and feel of the house, it wasn’t really particularly near that roof.

“I’ll call the realtor and see if they can fit us in later this week.”

“It’s a nice area. A little out of the way, but a good neighbourhood, and Missy wouldn’t have to change schools. Our commute to work would be a bit longer, but on quieter roads. And there’s a fence around the property. We could get a dog, or two. Or even a frickin’ pony with the size of that backyard.”

Marcus just stared at you with that giddy smile firmly planted in his whole frame, while you rambled on, completely lost in your own thoughts, until his silence eventually made you snap out of it and look at him.

“Oh, crap. I’m already moving in, aren’t I…?”

He just laughed and hugged you.

“I’m definitely on board with the dogs. But I’m gonna need my phone back if I’m gonna be able to call the realtor.”

You quickly handed it back to him, just as there was a careful knock on the door. You were in Marcus’s office, sitting in one of the sofas, perfectly naturally just sitting next to each other, for once. It had only been a week since you were released from medical, and he was still a little worried about getting you worked up, so you hadn’t been together yet, and it was creating something of a space between you. Not a wall, nothing that exclusive, just a little void that was a bit hard to reach across. He called for the person to enter, and Will stepped in, immediately shooting an apologetic glance at Marcus. He still hadn’t quite recovered from seeing Cujo that time, even though Marcus had apologized for scaring him.

“Hi, sorry, I was told I could find you here.”

You smiled warmly at him to ease his discomfort.

“What’s up, Will?”

“Uh, Miss. Timmons is looking for you, she needs your help.”

Oh, for fucks sake…

“Let me guess; she screwed up her paperwork, again?”

“Looks like it.”

“Damned it, Izzy. Wait, why’d she send you to get me, you’re not an errand-boy, she couldn’t have picked up the phone?”

“She did go looking for you in your office, but when you weren’t there, she got a little… desperate. She knows that she’s messed up too many times already, and I think she’s genuinely scared that you’re gonna fire her. She started crying outside your office and I was just passing by, so I offered to go find you for her.”

“If I had the authority to fire her, I would’ve already done it.”

You sighed and got up to leave, but Marcus caught your elbow.

“You’re not gonna go back to work, right? We talked about that.”

“If I know Izzy, this won’t be solved by correcting a few clerical errors.”

“So, let someone else do it.”

“No one else can, honey. That’s why I still have my job despite the number of sick-days I have.”

“Preciosa… it’s dangerous. Prince’s people are in this building, and if he was obsessed with you, or us, then so are they. None of us can afford to be distracted right now.”

“I know, but we still have to live. We’re still the same people, and neither one of us are the type of person that’s just gonna stand by when someone needs help. If the team needs you, I expect you to go and help them, not just because that’s your job, but because that’s who you are.”

“Just don’t let yourself get too engrossed. Stay alert at all times. We have no idea who’s a friend and who isn’t.”

“I’ll check in with you every hour, okay?”

“Every half-hour. And just until you’ve sorted this mess out, then you come back and find me, you don’t start on another three problems you discover along the way.”

“Are you giving me orders now, Team Leader?”

He grabbed your hips and pulled you in close, so that your bodies were only millimetres apart and his nose was brushing against yours. It was more than enough to heat you up after six weeks of inactivity, but the tremble of emotion in his voice when he spoke next, pushed the desire aside, to make way for compassion.

“I can’t lose you again. I’ll do anything…”

You closed your eyes and rested your forehead against his. How many times had you lost each other already? Your ability made it so easy for you to feel like it was your job to save others, like it was what you were put in this world to do, and especially where your family was concerned. So, you had to start reminding yourself that while you would probably always be able to absorb anything bad that happened to them – you’d also always hurt them by doing that. Your ability came with a terrible price, and you were only lucky to have survived everything you’d been through thus far. Marcus was right, you had to be more careful. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and nestled your nose into his neck. His arms closed around your waist and held you to him, strong and sure, and you felt like you could just stand there for the rest of the day.

“I promise I’ll be careful, and not take any risks. I love you.”

“Te amo, querida.”

Will had moved to stand outside the door after Marcus started talking to you, but he fell in behind you when you walked past him.

“So, where is she, and what has she done?”

It felt really good to get back into something familiar and achievable again. To do something that generated an immediate response and result, and within fifteen minutes you suddenly understood why Marcus had been so worried. You got lost in the task in no time at all. You sent him a text while you waited for a lawyer to call you back.

[You’re right, I’m already cheating.]

[How bad?]

[Two other issues already solved, while I’m waiting to work out Izzy’s.]

[Why are you waiting?]

[Because lawyers always have something better to do.]

[Fine. But as soon as it’s dealt with, you come back to me. I’ll be at the control centre.]

[Promise. What’s going on?]

[Just two small countries deciding to go to war over the quality of their chocolate.]

[Well… I suppose there are worse things.]

[They’re hurling missiles at each other over fucking candy…]

[Wow… Where’s Máma when you need her?]

[Don’t you worry, she’s right here, so this should be sorted out by the time you get here.]

[Oh, in that case, I am so calling her Chocoreno from now on.]

[Please don’t…]

[Only if she doesn’t solve it.]

[*sigh*]

After another eight phone calls and a lot of grovelling to people you really didn’t like, you finally managed to set things straight, and went to find Izzy to give her a piece of your mind - again. But when you got to her office, she was on the phone and turned away from the door, so she didn’t see you come in, and you accidentally overheard the end of her conversation.

“No, of course not, I’ll be straight home from work. Why would I make any stops? --- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you… --- No, baby, don’t… I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. --- Anything you want, name it. --- Yeah, that sounds.. nice. I’ll be home soon.”

Shit.

She turned around, looking absolutely terrified, and then she saw you by the door and quickly tried to adapt a neutral expression. She was good at it too, within half a second there was no trace of fear in her face. You only got that good at hiding your feelings if you knew that showing them meant terrible pain.

“So, everything’s taken care of, no harm done.”

“Really? Oh, thank you. I’m so sorry, I swear I don’t mean to mess up the papers, it just gets to be too much sometimes.”

“Izzy, if I ask you a personal question, will you answer me honestly?”

A trace of fear re-emerged in her features, but she nodded carefully.

“Is it work that gets to be too much… or is it home?”

You could see the internal struggle. The need to be free of the fear and the pain, and that same fear making it almost impossible. All the irritation and frustration fell away from you with the realisation that she wasn’t incompetent at all. She was being smothered. How many times had you added to her stress and general feeling of inadequacy, by barking at her for constantly missing or screwing up doing things? Why hadn’t you seen the signs sooner, you knew every single one of them?

“I’ve been where you are, Izzy. I should have seen this. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, honestly, I’m fine.”

“Show me your arms and your stomach. If they aren’t bruised, I might believe you.”

She squirmed where she stood, and her head dropped in defeat.

“When was the last time you didn’t have an injury somewhere? When was the last time you could move without feeling pain somewhere?”

She just kept staring at the floor, shaking her head, trying to will it not to be true, so you walked up to her, pushed your energy around her, and healed her. The amount of energy that it drained from you, told you everything you needed to know about how injured she was, and you quickly reached into your back pocket to retrieve a pill from the small box you kept with you at all times these days. Izzy stared wide-eyed at you, while you fumbled with a paper-cup at her water-cooler, hands shaking with the sudden loss of strength. Then she suddenly sprung to life and came to help you fill the cup and down the pill.

“Jesus Christ, girl, how were you even standing with all that damage?”

“I… got used to it over time. He didn’t… start out that bad.”

“They never do.”

“Thank you. So much.”

“Thank me by letting me beat the living hell out of that guy.”

“You’d better not. But… maybe… you could ask one of the guys on the team to… talk to him?”

“Are you serious? You wanna stay with him? No, honey, no amount of talking is gonna fix him.”

“No, I meant like… talk him into not killing me for leaving him.”

“Oh… Yeah. That I could probably do. Just give me his name and address.”

You downed another pill, and started feeling better, while Izzy scribbled on a note for you. You took it and read it, and stuffed it down your other back pocket.

“You should stay here tonight, just in case he decides to try anything. And call me if you need anything, Marcus and I are still living here, so we’re close, okay?”

She seemed to hesitate about something.

“What is it?”

“Um… do you know Jack Daven?”

“Who?”

“He’s a kid who interns at the science division.”

“Oh, Jackie. Yeah, unfortunately I do know who he is.”

He was the kid you threw head-first into a wall.

“I just… I think he might have something to do with your mole situation.”

“What? Why would you think that?”

“A while back, he came to me saying that science had sent him with some paperwork that needed to be signed, but when I looked at it, I realised that it was actually for research, and I told him that. And he laughed it off saying that he’d just made a mistake, but that didn’t seem very likely, because the forms he had were for release of testing materials. They wouldn’t send an errand-boy to retrieve those, they’re too dangerous. At the time I figured that maybe he’d been sent with an escort, for learning purposes, and that I just never saw them. But, now with the investigation, I think there might have been more to it than that. I was just too scared to... I didn’t know who to trust with it.”

“You can always trust me. Thank you, Izzy, I’m so sorry that I ever thought of you as incompetent.”

“Forgive me and I’ll forgive you.”

“Done.”

You ran full speed back to Ops, and almost collided with the automatic door to the control centre. Marcus was working at a station to the left, and smiled without looking up as he heard you. Anita was at the centre console, with her back to you.

“Damned it, why do all automatic doors move so fucking slowly?”

“Ah, I hear my future daughter-in-law has entered the premises.”

“Shut it, Chocoreno.”

“What did you just call me?”

“Choco-reno, the clue’s in the name, máma.”

“Ay, loco, today’s not a good day to test me.”

“Why, does máma need a hug?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Fine. How about some nice chocolate instead? I hear there might be some steep discounts on a couple of brands.”

“Mujer… did you burst in here for a reason? Because if not, I’ll burst you right back out.”

“Hah, I’d like to see you try.”

She huffed.

“As you wish.”

You caught a glimpse of Marcus’ expression as it shifted from bemused to genuinely worried, when Anita turned and came towards you.

“Mooom…”

She ignored him and tried to grab you, but your ghost hands caught hers before she could make contact, and they were much stronger than your physical hands. She definitely had super-strength, that much was obvious right away, and she wasn’t holding back. You could feel your strength begin to drain, so you changed tactics. You flooded the room with energy, and then drew it back to compact it all around yourself, creating that same kind of barrier that the Inventor hadn’t been able to break through, despite his genius belt-modification. And then you just stood there, perfectly still to conserve energy, while she tried in vain to push you out of the room.

“Mom, stop it, right now!”

As her focus momentarily shifted towards Marcus, you saw the smile that played in her features. She was just having fun, testing your strength and flexing her own, whilst getting some frustration out of her system, knowing full well that you could take it. Feeling certain she wouldn’t kill you for it, you grabbed the opportunity. You let the wall of energy disappear as she was leaning against it with all her might, and as the barrier fell, so did Anita – right into your arms. It was a bit like trying to catch a running bull, and the impact was certainly painful, but you ignored it and just hugged her to you. She scrambled out of your grip, but you just smiled at her, because you knew she enjoyed every moment of it.

“I have to say, I’ve never had to fight my way into a hug before.”

“That wasn’t a hug, loco.”

“Yes, it was, and you know it. Do you feel better now, or do you need another?”

She was actually contemplating another round, which prompted Marcus to step in between you.

“Do I have to remind both of you that you’re pregnant, hermosa? Playful or not, you’re not fighting each other again, now, tell me why you were moving so fast that the doors were too slow for you?”

Oh, for fucks sake, why where you so easily distracted?

“Right… We should probably talk in private. Considering the fact that it’s only been two hours since we sat in your office looking at houses – a hell of a lot’s happened.”

He led the way towards the door, and you shot a look at Anita, over your shoulder.

“Raincheck on that hug?”

“I’ll boogie with you anytime, loco.”

“That’s how you boogie? And you call me ‘loco’.”

“Oh, yes. You’ve earned that one, many times over.”

Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.

@blueeyesatnight @farfromjustordinary @allmyspideys @hrk-fic-recs @strawberryperegrine @lucrezia-thoughts @computeringturtle @sarahjkl82-blog

#marcus moreno #marcus moreno x reader #marcus moreno fic #we can be heroes #we can be heroes fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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purrincess-chat · 4 years

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Happy Birthday, Kaylee!

@lnc2 had a birthday recently, and I actually started this a couple months ago in preparation for her birthday, but life happened and I didn’t get around to finishing it until now. I hope you had a good birthday, Kaylee! You are the truest Ladrien stan among us.

Read on AO3

“Absolutely not,” Tikki said, crossing her arms with a scolding indignance that Marinette more or less expected when she’d made such a risky suggestion.

“Oh, come on, Tikki! Marinette can’t get into the party, but who in their right mind will turn down Ladybug?” Marinette pleaded, pressing her hands together. “We can just hop in through the window. No one will throw us out.”

“The Miraculous aren’t meant to be used for selfish purposes,” Tikki said pointedly as if Marinette had forgotten which wasn’t entirely true. Marinette knew that her powers weren’t meant to be misused, but it just so happened that she didn’t consider this particular case to be unjustified.

“You know what’s selfish? The boys all ditching us to have a party while we do all the hard work planting trees around the city,” Marinette said, placing her hands on her hips. “Ladybug should go in there and give them a lecture on keeping their promises.” Tikki gave her a look that was anything but impressed, and Marinette sighed. “Please? I’ll never abuse my power ever again.”

“Marinette,” Tikki hesitated. “I don’t like this, but I know you’ll stop at nothing until you get inside.”

“True, and my other methods could be really risky and dangerous,” Marinette said, giving Tikki a knowing look as she sighed.

“Okay, okay, but don’t get so absorbed with Adrien that you forget that you’re supposed to be helping your friends. If you join the party, you’re not much better than they are for ditching,” Tikki said, and Marinette crossed her heart.

“I won’t stay long, I promise. I just want to see what they’re up to,” Marinette said. “Tikki, spots on!”

- - -

“Is your best bro awesome or what?” Nino said, draping an arm over Adrien’s shoulders. “Not bad for your first party, right?”

“I’ve never had this much fun before. I wish I could party like this every day,” Adrien laughed. “Thanks for doing all this, Nino.”

“Don’t sweat it, my dude. That’s what friends are for.” Nino ruffled his hair, stopping short when Nathaniel raced over with wide eyes.

“We’ve got a bit of a problem,” he said, and Nino quirked a brow.

“What’s up, du-”

“Hey, boys.”

Everything in the room stopped. The loud chatter ceased, and every head turned to the window, jaws dropping in awe. The crowd stared in disbelief, Nino smacked his forehead, muttering curses under his breath, but Adrien? Adrien froze. Every muscle locked in place, refusing to turn away from the radiant goddess standing above them. The sun illuminated her figure like an angel descending from heaven, and a blush crept up his neck, painting his cheeks as scarlet as her suit.

Ladybug.

“Mind if I drop in?” She asked, hopping down from the window just as cheers erupted around her.

“No, no, no, she can’t stay here,” Nino was saying to Nathaniel over the noise, and Adrien’s head snapped to face him.

“Why?” Adrien asked, and Nino crossed his arms over his chest.

“Because this is an all dude’s party, and Ladybug is not a dude,” he huffed, attempting to make a move toward her, but Adrien stepped in his path.

“Yeah, but it’s Ladybug. Don’t you think the savior of Paris deserves a place at any party?” Adrien asked.

“If Chat Noir shows up, he can stay, but right now, Ladybug is totally crashing the vibe,” Nino said, shaking his head. “Sorry, bro, but she needs to go.”

Nino attempted to step around him once more, but Adrien grabbed his arm and tugged him back.

“Can’t she just stay for a little while?” Adrien asked, and Nino’s eyes narrowed.

“Who’s the party expert?” He cocked a brow, but Adrien pressed his palms together with a pout.

“Please! Just for a little while,” Adrien said, and Nino, though clearly unhappy with the arrangement, rolled his eyes and shrugged.

“Fine, she can stay for 30 minutes,” Nino relented, and Adrien pulled him in for a tight hug.

“Thanks, bro! You’re the best,” he said before pushing through the crowd of bodies surrounding Ladybug, unaware of how Nino’s eyes narrowed.

“It’s so awesome that you could make it, Ladybug,” Jagged was saying.

“Yeah!”

“Totally!”

“Well, I was just passing by and heard some commotion, so I thought I’d stop in and see what was going on,” she said, waving it away as if it were no big deal, but it was probably the biggest deal of Adrien’s life.

Ladybug was here. In his room, at his party. If this was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up.

“Uh, hello,” he said, giving a small wave, and she trained brilliant blue eyes on him.

“H-Hello, I hope you don’t mind that I crashed your party,” she said, clasping her hands together in front of her.

“Not at all,” Adrien said as Nino grumbled, “Kinda.”

“Stay as long as you like,” Adrien said, and everyone around them cheered and went back to their activities, leaving Adrien and Ladybug alone. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Sure!” Ladybug said, allowing him to lead her over to the drink cooler that was being guarded by a particularly familiar face.

Adrien glanced at Master Fu then at Ladybug who did the same for him, but she plastered on a cool mask that Master Fu matched.

“Excuse me, uh, sir, can we get a juice for the lovely lady?” Adrien said, playing it cool. He wasn’t quite sure what the protocol was in this situation seeing as they both knew who Master Fu really was, and Master Fu knew who they really were, but none of them could say so in the given context.

“Of course,” Master Fu said with a smile, jumping up from the cooler. “Great party.”

“Yeah, isn’t this a bit of a strange place for a man like you to be?” Ladybug asked, her voice cautious and purposeful.

“I could ask the same of you, young lady. What business could a superhero have at a house party?” Master Fu shot back, quirking a brow as he dug for a drink for her.

“Superheroes like to have fun every now and then,” she said, cocking a hip.

“As do I,” Master Fu said, a glint of mischief in his eyes that brought a smile to Ladybug’s lips. “Besides, I have everything I need here.”

He patted the cooler, and Ladybug relaxed, accepting the can from him. Something seemed to pass between the two, and had Adrien not been in on the secret, albeit without Ladybug’s knowledge, he might have dismissed it as a playful quip between strangers. But he did know better, and Fu knew he knew better which is why he flashed Adrien a wink the moment Ladybug turned her back.

“This sure is a wild party. Everyone seems to be having fun,” Ladybug said, taking a sip of her juice.

“You think so?” Adrien asked, shoving his hands in his pockets and keeping pace with her across the room. “It’s my first real party, and it’s gotten a little crazier than I expected. I mean Jagged Stone showed up, Officer Roger is here…you’re here.”

At that she smiled, flicking his nose with a gloved finger. “Well, I wanted to make sure all the commotion wasn’t an akuma’s doing. You’re too precious to get captured,” she said, then quickly added, “I mean- the safety of all of Paris’ citizens is my top priority, so naturally I wanted to make sure you’re okay seeing as you are a citizen in Paris.”

His cheeks burned, and Ladybug took a long swig of her drink. Nino’s eyes followed their every move, and Adrien could feel them baring into the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what his issue with Ladybug being there was, but Adrien couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be with her. He only wished they could be more alone.

“I’m really glad you came,” Adrien said, and Ladybug leaned her ear closer.

“What?” She shouted over the music that seemed too loud all of a sudden. Adrien turned to see Nino and Max adjusting the volume again, and with their backs turned, he took Ladybug by the hand and tugged her out into the foyer.

“Sorry, it’s a little loud in there,” he said. “Why don’t we go somewhere quieter? Just you and me. I have the perfect place.”

“Okay,” she said, and Adrien swore her cheeks flushed under her mask.

Rays of sunlight trickled into the garden, butterflies fluttering between flower bushes. There had always been a lot of butterflies there as long as he could remember, and he and his mother liked to watch them in the springtime. His eyes found her statue, filling his stomach with a heavy longing at the memory.

“You miss her a lot, huh?” Ladybug said, and he blinked as her fingers laced through his, realizing he’d been squeezing her hand. That he was still holding her hand, and more importantly, that she didn’t seem to mind.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, gazing out over the yard. “This was kind of our sanctuary. It’s a quiet place where we don’t have to worry about anything else.”

“It’s beautiful,” she said, pointing to the statue, and Adrien smiled.

“Yeah, my dad goes kind of overboard sometimes with the décor. Most of the big portraits are kind of embarrassing, but I think this one is my favorite. Sometimes I just sit out here, and it feels like she’s here with me, ya know?” His cheeks flushed, and he cleared his throat. “Sorry. That’s lame.”

“No, no, I think it’s really sweet. If I lost my mom, I’d probably feel the same way,” she assured him, and he relaxed, turning to face her.

“I don’t want to talk about sad things right now. I just want to spend time with you,” he said, taking her other hand and moving it up to his shoulder. “I know you’re probably busy, but while we’re here…May I have this dance?”

Ladybug searched his expression, and this time she definitely blushed. Nevertheless, she kept her hand in his as they swayed to their own rhythm. It didn’t matter that there was no music; the only melody he needed was her bright blue eyes.

He wanted to savor this moment. To burn it into his memory. No matter what happened between them or how she felt, this moment in the garden would always be his.

“You’re a great dancer,” he said, spinning her out.

“It helps to have a great partner,” she laughed.

Feeling risky or perhaps just overconfident, he dipped her backwards, touching his forehead to hers. He realized his blunder and instantly wished he could take it back, but to his surprise, Ladybug didn’t push him away. When they straightened, she lingered close, the heat of her blush mixing with his own. Her breath hitched when he leaned down, but before their lips could touch, a loud crash boomed inside the house followed by screaming.

“It’s probably an akuma. Stay here and hide, okay?” Ladybug said, pushing him into a bush.

“Ladybug, wait!” Adrien grabbed her wrist, and when her mask raised, he added, “Um, thank you for the dance.”

She looked him up and down then with a swift motion he would spend the next 8 years thinking about, she stretched up to kiss his cheek.

“Be safe,” she whispered, backing away, “and invite me to your next party, okay?”

Adrien leaned against the wall with a sigh, touching the spot on his burning cheek. One thing was for sure: he needed to let Nino throw him parties more often.

#miraculous ladybug #ladrien #adrien agreste #ladybug #ladrienjune #it technically fits a couple prompts #happy birth!#my writing

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katehuntington · 5 years

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Title: Ride With Me (part four) Fandom: Supernatural AU Characters series: Reader, Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Ellen Singer-Harvelle, Jo Singer (Harvelle), Benny Lafitte, Ash Miles, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Castiel Novek, and many more. Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader (eventually) Word count: ±5500 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family. Summary part four: Y/N begins to feel more at home, getting the hang of the daily routine at the ranch. But her world is finally complete when her horse arrives. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: ‘Sunshine’ by Ryan Bingham, ‘The Stable Song’ by Gregory Alan Isakov. Check out ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me playlist’ on Spotify! Author’s note: Thank you @kittenofdoomage, @coffee-obsessed-writer and @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish for helping me. You girls are awesome betas.

Ride With Me Masterlist

“You haven't mucked many stables in your life, have ya?”

Panting, Y/N stops with what she’s doing, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. After turning out all the animals, Dean and Jo started training the horses, while she was assigned to assist Garth to muck out the twenty stables. The air might have cooled between the head wrangler and herself, he did not lie when he said that he was not going to treat her differently than any other intern. As she anticipated, she landed a dirty job, quite literally. Out of breath, she turns to face Garth in the doorway, who is leaning on a pitchfork. He has his eyebrows raised, but his smile is gentle. With her pitchfork still stuck in the mixture of sawdust and manure, she chuckles nervously. Is it that obvious that she has absolutely no idea what she is doing? The stable boy has got her figured out, but she is not entirely ready to admit it yet. In another attempt to lift the heavy clunk off the concrete, she’s able to pull it up a few inches, but then she has to admit her defeat; it’s just too heavy. “Guilty,” she sighs.

“Here, let me help,” Garth offers. “What you basically do with each stable, is quickly scoop the clean shavings in one corner and only take out what’s dirty. Don't bite off more than you can chew, alright? If you try to clean out the stable in one haul, you’ll ruin your back. Make sure the wheelbarrow is already pointing into the direction of the shitpit, so that you don't have to turn it when it's full.” “The shitpit? Really?” Y/N grins, assuming he meant the muck heap. “It has a nice ring to it,” the guy returns, sniggering over his own choice of words. He demonstrates quickly, moving the clean shavings aside and picking up the darkened wooden fibers with his pitchfork, hurling it into the wheelbarrow swiftly. “Don't be too neat about it, the ponies are gonna drop their chocolate muffins the moment they step back in. Make sure most of it is out,” Garth scoops up the last droppings, then twists the handle and pulls the clean shavings back to the center of the stall, “then even out what's left and if necessary add a little more shavings.”

The tactic helps, and Y/N cleans out the next stable a lot faster than she did the previous one. Yet she can't keep up with Garth, who finishes his row when she has barely reached the fifth box. Already she feels exhausted. Aching shoulders, a sore back, and already blisters start to develop on her hands during the very first hour of hard labor. On top of all that, she is so hungry that she can hear her stomach growl above the sound of Ryan Bingham’s ‘Sunshine’ blasting from the radio. Breakfast sure sounds good by now. Twenty minutes past eight she finishes her final stable while the slender stable boy is sweeping the hallway. He is done by the time she returns with an empty wheelbarrow, which she turns over against the wall next to the other. Jo and Dean return from the arena, cooling the horses down by walking circles around the Joshua tree. For a second, Y/N watches the head wrangler on the beautiful buckskin with black manes and a shiny, golden coat. Her breath is stolen from her for a short second.

Holy mother of God; he looks good on a horse.

Even though the American Quarter is only walking, she can tell he’s a good rider. The way he comfortably adjusts his balance with the movements of the animal under him, the end of the reins loosely between his fingers and his free hand rests on his upper leg as he talks to Jo; riding comes naturally. It is like breathing to him, he doesn't even have to think about it. Jo seems at home in her beautifully hand-crafted saddle as well. “I don't know about y’all, but I could eat.” Benny leans against the large doorway, lifts his hat and wipes the sweat from his brow with his forearm, then puts it back on. He picks a pack of Lucky Strike from his back pocket, as well as his zippo, and lights a smoke. He generously smiles at Y/N after taking a drag, and for a second she senses that Dean isn’t the only one who is interested in the fresh face. Well, fresh? Not so much after mucking out stalls in eighty-seven degrees, but then again, neither is the farrier. His shirt is drenched, dark stains on the center of his chest. A little insecure about his intentions, she smiles back sheepishly, after which Benny thankfully shifts his attention to the riders. “Still comfortable up there, Chief? Get your lazy ass off that horse, us workin’ men gotta still our hunger,” he nags. Dean chuckles, amused by the harmless bantering of his best friend. “Somebody has to do the ridin’ and keep the horse beneath,” he counters, as he swings his right leg over the back of the horse and lowers himself to the ground. "One time, brother,” the Southerling sighs, shaking his head. “One time you saw me fall off that bronc and you still hold that against me? That was six years ago!”

Y/N looks from Benny to Dean, who has tied his buckskin to the pole under the Joshua tree and now loosens the cinch of the saddle. The intern takes her cue and walks over to help, partly trying to make up for the attitude she gave him the night before, but also to impress him with her eagerness. The head wrangler grins at her over the back of his horse as his friend continues to argue over what’s true and what's exaggerated about the event that his friend just brought up. Y/N can’t hide her smile either; she would like to see where this is heading. “Oh, you didn't just fall off that bronc. That was the biggest face plant in the history of the State of Arizona,” Dean corrects, slightly overdoing it to the amusement of the others. “C’mon now, it wasn't like that,” Benny responds. Dean opens the faucet and starts to hose down the Quarter, washing the dirt and sweat out of its golden coat. In the meantime Y/N takes off the bridle and replaces it with a leather halter, trying not to snigger. “Benny, be fair. There's still a dent in the arena footing where you touched down with that brick head of yours,” Jo chips in. Y/N snorts and Dean breaks out in full-body laughter, only fueled by the stunned expression of the farrier, the cigarette still hanging from his parted lips. He doesn't have a counter ready. “I ain’t talkin’ to you folks no more,” he mutters eventually, after which he saunters away, mumbling something unintelligible.

Dean smirks, and eyes the intern again over the arch of the buckskin’s back, running his hand through the horse's wet mane, after which he gives the stallion a pat on the shoulder. He's trying to suppress the trace of victory before the others notice. What was this whole little challenge with his friend about? Truly just his colleague’s legendary fall? Dean saw how his pal smiled at Y/N and felt his gut twist and turn at the sight. He knows Benny, he knows that grin. And although she obviously belongs to nobody and the two men usually don't mind when one gives it a go with the girl who the other is chasing, Dean felt the need to claim her. When the farrier mocked him on making slow time, he instantly took that opportunity to put him back in his place. He wonders if Benny picked up on his reasoning, and what if she did? The cowboy tries to read her as he lifts the heavy saddle off the pole. “Wanna bring him back to his stable?” he asks with a gentle voice. “Led is in the second on the left.” “Sure.” She smiles, glad to get the responsibility of one of his horses. But then she realizes something. Led? Who calls his horse Led? Unless… “Led, as in ‘Led Zeppelin’?” she wonders, as she unties the beautiful stallion. Surprised Dean frowns at her and looks over his shoulder. “You know this horse?” She scoffs. “No, but I know the band.”

Feeling the cowboy's eyes on her, she can tell that he’s impressed, and instantly the heat rushes to her cheeks. Why are you feeling so flushed every time he directs his gaze to you? She wonders. You're that confident girl who gave him a run for his money last night. Where did she go? But something about his ways leaves her a doubtful mess inside. “You know Led Zeppelin?” Dean appeared again, resting his strong forearms on the stable door. Apparently he stored away the saddle in the tack room and made it back in record time. She piqued his interest earlier, but now he just can’t help himself. “I’m familiar with their music, yeah,” she admits, undoing Led from his halter, after which she intends to exit the box. “Prove it,” he challenges, holding the door for her. “First song of the second album.” “Whole Lotta Love,” she recalls without blinking, confidence returning now that he started on a subject she’s an expert on. “Name of the fifth album.” She grins as the two of them start making their way, joined by Jo and Garth, who helped her tack down the grey she was riding. “Houses of the Holy,” she answers. He laughs. “Well, I’ll be damned. Where have you been hiding all my life?”

She can’t stop herself from chuckling as she looks down, catching Jo’s eye roll as she does. It's clear the blonde cowgirl is not impressed with her cousin’s smooth talk and it brings Y/N back to earth. Yes, she gives Dean the benefit of the doubt, but Jo warned her for a reason. This is his usual M.O, he tells this to all the girls, the convincing voice in her mind tells her. There is nothing special about you. “What’s your favorite Led Zep song?” Dean wonders. “Right now at this very moment?” She steals a playful glance at him from under her Milano hat. “It would be a tie between What Is And What Should Never Be and Ramble On.”

Dean opens his mouth to respond as he pushes open the heavy door to the small cafeteria, but then the titles dawn on him. The double meaning behind her peculiar choice of songs doesn't go unnoticed with his colleagues either, because Jo throws him a wide grin, and Garth sniggers. He shakes his head, but can’t hide the ear to ear smile. Before the wrangler can fire back, he enters the lounge area, the smell of bacon, fresh bread, and pancakes filling his nostrils like it does every morning. Aunt Ellen, his dear aunt Ellen. Everyone who works at this ranch should be thanking the man upstairs for this woman who makes the best scrambled eggs in the country.

“Well, come on in, y’all!” She greets the workers, stirring the delicious smelling food in the frying pan, after which she starts scooping the eggs on the plates. “The food ain't sittin’ here to get cold.” With a watering mouth, Y/N settles down on the chair opposite of Bobby, who is already sipping on his coffee while Benny puts a fresh pot on the table. Ash hits the radio, letting Americana music mix with chatter. When everyone is seated, Ellen turns to Y/N. “Now honey, here we pray before our meal. Feel free to join us, but it’s perfectly fine if you don’t,” she informs the intern with a gentleness in her voice that makes her feel comfortable, whatever option she chooses. Ellen takes her husband’s hand and squeezes it sweetly, then turns to one of the wranglers. “Ash? I believe it’s your turn for prayers.” “Great, ‘cause I’m starvin’,” Ash states, apparently keeping things short. “Good food, good meat. Good God, let’s eat!” “Amen!” Benny adds, not wasting a second before starting on his breakfast.

Y/N grins at the sight of the two men, who couldn’t be more different, devouring the food as her neighbor Jo shakes her head disapproving, muttering ‘savages’. Laughing, Garth reaches over the table for a freshly baked bun while Bobby asks for the butter, and passes the ketchup to his daughter before she can ask for it. The blonde squirts the red sauce on her stir-fried eggs, leaving her bacon unattended long enough for Ash to almost steal it from her, had Ellen not smacked him on the hand with a spatula. The intern might have stumbled on a ranch that at the surface seems a little dysfunctional with workers and wranglers that occasionally score high on the crazy scale, but somehow she feels like she fits in. The fear of not being accepted was washed away by the welcoming comfort that reflects from every single one present in this room. She is a part of this already.

As she chews on the delicious bacon while laughing over one of Benny’s funny stories, she glances across the table, catching Dean looking over. It startles her a little, but she doesn’t look away and neither does he. For just a moment, she could swear she caught him off guard when she laid eyes on him, or did she imagine him flinching? The exchange of looks lasts several seconds as the cowboy keeps a hold of her gaze, letting her dwell in his emerald greens, before Bobby breaks the moment unintentionally by elbowing his head wrangler when he tries to pick one of the sausages out of the pan in front of him. Relieved, Y/N breathes and take a swig of her glass of orange juice. How many times does she have to remind herself that the only reason she’s here, is to prove to her dad that she can run her own business? She has to stay focused, remember what Jo told her, and do what she came here to do. Yet the presence of the tall and handsome cowboy with dark blonde hair, gorgeous eyes, and a killer smile is going to make that difficult. She doesn't even have to make it through the first day to figure that much.

Honestly, Y/N has no idea what she was so worried about in the weeks prior to this internship. Working at the ranch proves to be hard labor, but the physical aspect of the job is about the only one she needs to adjust to. The rookie picks up quickly and doesn't have to be told twice, which is noticed by the crew. Garth especially compliments her on occasion, which fuels her confidence and motivates her to a degree that the soreness of her body is forgotten. After breakfast, the trail horses are brought in and tied up at the tack up area, where she and Jo prepare them for the first ride of the day. While handling some of the four-legged workers, she tries to remember the names and characteristics of each. She gets to know Teddy, an easy-going, brown gelding whose full name is Ted Nugent, and Pink Floyd, a small chestnut with a peculiar scar on his shoulder in the shape of a triangle; a visible memory of an old injury he suffered when he ran through a fence as a foal. Then there's Bowie, a red roan with a zigzag marking on his forehead, Joplin, a dark mare, and Dylan, a pinto coming of age but is still going strong. Seems like Dean got a little carried away when naming the animals, it’s hard to miss the rock theme. Jo takes a group of five inexperienced riders for a slow ride, while Garth continues to tack up training horses for the head wrangler, so that he can get off one and on the next. At that pace, eight horses have their workout before lunch. Between sweeping floors and turning out horses, Y/N manages to catch a glimpse of the training, and even though she doesn't want to get caught leaning on a broom, she can't stop her gaze from drifting over to the arena. The skilled rider is a joy to watch, and not just because he looks good doing it. Not once does he use force to control the horse, and the extent of his patience is remarkable, especially when one of the young stallions acts up. Without a shadow of a doubt, Y/N is going to learn a lot from him, she can't wait for her horse to arrive.

After lunch - which again is served by Ellen and tastes absolutely devine - the crew retreats to the bunkhouse for their two-hour siesta. Ash lays across the entire couch, completely out of it and snoring loudly, while Benny watches daytime television. The others went back to their rooms, all but Y/N. Impatiently, she draws marks in the sand with the heel of her boot, as she sits on the lowest step of the porch, gazing at the road that meets the private drive, about a half a mile further up. The heat is close to unbearable, even here in the shade droplets of sweat run down her chest. She understands the necessity of the break after experiencing her first day in extreme conditions, because working in these temperatures would be torture. A fly bugs the young woman; she smacks the insect out of her face while she wonders when the special delivery will finally arrive. The transporter called an hour ago that he had made good time and would probably arrive at the ranch half past noon. Which would be right about now, according to her phone. Y/N sighs and snaps her eyes at the main road again.

“What time are you expecting your horse?" Dean slowly walks up from behind. She can feel the wood creak under her as he steps closer. His voice is enough to make her breath hitch a little, although she’s not sure if that’s because his sudden appearance startles her, or because he simply has that effect on her respiration. Quick to cover her surprise, she answers him without moving from her spot. “Five minutes ago.” Now she does look over her shoulder, watching him come closer with two cans of Coca-Cola in his hands. He offers her one, which she takes gladly and thanks him for, then she straightens herself again. “I hope she’s alright,” she sighs, expressing her concern as she opens the drink. “It’s a long drive from Maine, ain't it?” Dean assumes. “Thirty-five hours on the trailer,” she replies. “They stopped for the night in Tulsa, but still.”

He leans against one of the struts supporting the roof. The wrangler sips on his cool drink, clasping his lips around the opening in the can as he tilts his head back and takes a swig, exposing his neck as he does so. Y/N can't help but notice. Damn, that jawline… She snaps out of it and rips her eyes from him before he catches her swooning. Good call, because he looks down on her a second later. “What’s your horse's name?” “Meadowsweet.” She smiles. “Quarter?” he asks again. Y/N nods. “Sired by Gunner.” Dean raises his brows impressed. Gunner is a leading National Reining Horse Association stallion, one of the few to earn over five million dollars in offspring, and is inducted into the NRHA Hall of Fame. Foals from his descent are known for their talent and eagerness to perform. That stallion has brought some of the best reining horses in the world. “Don't worry about it. The transporter would have called if anything had occurred,” he reassures, comfortingly. “And all the horses that come through those barn doors, settle in just fine. These lands have this… peacefulness over them. It’s a good place for the soul, horse and human. You’ll see.” Calmed by his gentle words, Y/N lets her gaze drift off, the corner of her mouth curling up. Then she glances up at the wrangler, whose eyes haven't left her yet. “Has it been good for you, too?” He scoffs. “Like you wouldn't believe.” It's the way he delivers those words, that tempts Y/N to read the man in her company. How old would he be? Twenty-eight? Twenty-nine, maybe? But it's without a doubt that in those years he has been through plenty. The cynical chuckle before he spoke, the way he averted his eyes immediately, those tiny tells just unraveled more than his confident talk and cheery appearance plus Jo’s warnings about the wrangler combined. “How come?” she asks before she can stop herself. A little thrown back by her unexpected question, Dean steals a glance, grinning at her nosiness. Instantly the blood rushes to her face again as she closes her eyes and covers her face with both hands. God! Why can't you simply think through what you are about to say before you blurt it out?! “Sorry, that was inappropriate. Again,” she excuses herself. “No, no. It’s quite alright,” Dean says, putting her mind to rest. Usually, the wrangler isn’t eager on opening up about his past. It's something he keeps to himself and only very few know more about. He closed that book a long time ago, so he keeps it simple. “My mom died when I was young, Dad wasn't around much,” he explains. “I came to live on the ranch when I was fourteen and I never left.” Silenced, Y/N watches him, eyes big and filling with sympathy. “No brothers and sisters?” she wonders. Now she pulls on his heartstrings, even though Dean tries to suppress what he feels within. Yet his jaw flexes, his head tips down as the brightness in his eyes fades. “I have a brother. But - uh... He ran away from home before I left myself,” Dean elaborates. “I haven’t seen him since. I don't know where he's at.”

With empathy heavy on her chest, she tries to think of something to say in order to turn this conversation on a less depressing course than the one it’s sailing now. Y/N breathes out, though. Seems like for the first time since the two met, she’s clueless about what to say, and so she states the obvious. “I'm sorry,” she says, internally kicking herself in the head for bringing out the skeletons in his closet. “Don't be. I landed on my feet,” Dean assures, trying to take away her discomfort with a smile. “These lands, this ranch; this is home. And the people runnin’ it and workin’ here are my family. Life’s good.” He means that: she can tell, because the passion returns in his powerful gaze. Soothed by the sight of his contentment, she smiles down at the empty can in her hand, which she’s torn the cap from.

“And you? Any siblings?” Dean returns, genuinely interested. “Yeah, three brothers actually. All older than me.” She grins at that. “Whoa, that must have been a challenge.” The wrangler chuckles as he takes the last sip of his Coke. “Not so much. They toughened me up and when it came down to it, and were always there to protect me. Plus, I did learn how to build a treehouse and I’m a pretty good wrestler too,” she adds. The cowboy smirks imagining it. “And how does a girl like you know so much about Led Zeppelin?” he wonders. Y/N furrows her brow. “A girl like me ?” “Yeah, I mean… Y’know,” he mutters, a little unsettled by her tone. “From upstate, young, twenty… something.” Shit. He's digging his own grave here. “Twenty-four,” she fills in for him, amused by his stumbling, “and I like to think I have an old soul, but really it was my Grandfather who introduced me to music.” “He did a good job teaching you then,” Dean compliments, looking down at his cowboy boots and still trying to overcome the near-miss. “He did. He was amazing. Meadow was actually a gift from him,” she tells.

Was. He was amazing.

Dean peeks at the intriguing woman from under his lashes. He doesn't need to be a genius to figure out that her Granddad isn't amongst them anymore. A short silence follows as Dean ponders on how to continue the conversation, when a dust cloud on the driveway catches his attention. His focus on the horizon triggers Y/N to get up and look in the same direction.

A bright shimmer of sunlight bounces off the aluminum trailer pulled by a red Dodge, which approaches slowly in the distance. A whirlwind of excitement blows through her as she looks over at Dean. Then she gets down from the porch and heads off to meet them. “Need help unloading?” he checks before following his intern. “Yeah, I can use a hand,” she says, looking over her shoulder. And so he follows. By the time they reach the square in front of the horse barn, the pickup turns onto the parking lot and comes to a stop. A middle-aged man with a black beard turns towards her after getting out of his truck, reaching out to shake her hand. “Y/N L/N?” he checks. She nods. “Yes, that’s me.” A loud neigh sounds from the trailer, followed by stomping. Meadow heard her owner loud and clear and her response puts a smile on the cowgirl’s face. She missed her horse, but it seems like her friend is glad to see her human too. “Was she okay?” Y/N checks with the transporter as she circles the trailer. “A little restless every now and then, but other than that she did fine,” he says, taking the safety pins out of the heavy handle, turning it open.

Dean had done so on the other side as well and the men lower the ramp to the gravel. Inside two pointy small ears are pinned towards the light. Meadowsweet's trademark white face stands out in the shade as she yanks on the chain that prevents her from turning around. It’s for her own good, too much freedom during travel could cause her to lose her balance and fall. But she doesn't understand the restrain, and the mare seems to be insulted by the limitation to her movement. All she wants now is to get out, eat, drink, and stretch her legs. A soft low purr comes Y/N’s way, her nostrils flaring. After days on the road, taken away from home by a man she didn't recognize, a familiar face calms her. Softly hushing her horse, Y/N walks up to her, takes the lead rope, and clasps it to her handcrafted halter. She releases the chain and pushes open the divider, guiding her horse down the ramp while both Dean and the driver stand on each side of it, making sure Meadow doesn't step next to the lit. Alert, the mare looks around, taking in her new environment. The Arizona sun shines on her light brown coat, revealing a beautiful copper shine. A second neigh reverberates under the high roof of the barn when Y/N leads the Quarterhorse to the first stable on the right. Her call is countered by an echo produced by the other horses, who seem to welcome their new neighbor. Dean follows with the luggage, the heavy saddle under one arm and dragging her large tack box on wheels behind him. “What did you pack? Bricks?” he complains, grimacing, moving the equivalent of a woman’s suitcase on holiday; a lot of stuff she’s never going to use or wear, but might need.

Y/N presses her lips together and chuckles a little embarrassed. Yeah, maybe she went a little overboard while packing. She undoes Meadow from her halter and lets her be for a bit, smiling at how the mare curiously sniffs every inch of her new box. When she has decided her stable is safe, she circles around a couple of times, adjusts her bedding by digging through the wood shavings with her front leg, after which she lowers to her knees and falls on her side, taking a long-anticipated roll. She rolls over once, twice, then gets up and shakes off the sawdust, after which she looks at her human friend. "Satisfied?” Y/N asks, amused. Meadow sighs, pushing out a long breath, and starts eating the hay; seems like the Queen approves. Shaking her head with a smirk on her face, her owner closes the box. The driver walks up to her with the paperwork and a pen. “If you could sign this, I’ll be out of your hair,” he requests, handing over the papers and Meadow's FEI passport. Y/N leaves her autograph on the bottom line and hands the paperwork back. After exchanging another handshake, the man returns to his truck and starts the engine. As they watch him drive off, she lets out a sigh, the weight of the world finally falling off her shoulders. “Told ya she would be fine,” Dean reminds her, leaning on the stable door and admiring the beautiful mare in the box. Y/N smiles as she joins him, forking her fingers together while resting her arms on the edge. “Thanks,” she responds, genuinely.

He was right, and for the first time since the young woman arrived, a sense of true calm washes over her. Now that Meadow is here, everything is exactly how it should be. Her horse arrived safely and seems fit and well. Y/N can spend time with her again, more than she ever could when she was still in Uni. Now the adventure can truly begin. “I’m heading back to the bunkhouse. Work starts at two again,” Dean informs, assuming that his intern plans to stay. She watches him walk off down the alley between the stables, and takes a short second to appreciate the view. His hickory colored western hat is tipped forward to protect his face from the sun, the collar of his plaid blouse up, the hem at the bottom tucked into his jeans. Denim covers his O-shaped legs, which are probably a result of spending years of his life in the saddle. A muscular back, broad shoulders, strong arms. It doesn't matter from which angle she admires him, he’s insanely gorgeous. Another result of all that training and hard work is his well-shaped a-- A wet nose slobbers over Y/N’s face, pulling a startled gasp from her. Meadow took the liberty to awaken her owner from her thoughts, right after drinking from the automatic waterer. Oh well, she needed a shower anyway. “It’s good to see you too, sugar,” she laughs, petting the horse. “Talking about sugar…” She digs deep in her pocket. The motion of her hand alone triggers Meadow to extend her neck and ask for the treat with her intense dark eyes. Y/N finds a sugar cube, takes her horse’s favorite candy out and feeds it to the bay mare. Grateful, she crunches the sweet between her molars and begs for more, but her owner holds up her hands innocently. “I'm out,” she says, sorry to disappoint. Not taking her words for granted, the smart animal searches her boss’s pockets, first left, then right, then gives her a look that expresses something along the lines of ‘are you kidding me?’ To make it up to the mare, Y/N rubs her neck, softly scratching near her withers. Clearly enjoying the grooming, the mare nozzles her upper lip and turns her head a little. The cowgirl chuckles at the sight, once again realizing how much she missed her company. She mist her whiskers brushing against her hand as she reaches to touch her, and the gentleness in her eyes when she’s at ease. Y/N’s hand lingers on the flat surface of Meadow’s forehead, between her eyes. It’s a horse’s blind spot, where she can't see her. Touching a horse there requires trust, yet there isn't a single fiber in Meadow’s body that isn't comfortable with her owner, not even her instincts. The mare even lowers her head further, a sign of relaxation and submission. Y/N lets her hand slide down her face and rest on her strong jaw, as she lays her cheek against Meadow’s white blaze, closing her eyes for a moment. Dean talked about home earlier, how the ranch is his. Well, this right here, this moment with her Meadow, is hers.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part five here

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minnuet-archive · 4 years

Text

I’m Sorry, Logan

Rating: PG-13

Trigger Warnings: Alcoholism, suicide, abusive family, homophobia (let me know if there are any more i missed!)

Word Count: 3,754

Fan-fiction or Original Work? Original Work

Story Type: Short Story

Notes: I wrote this a while back for a book that was going to be made, but didn’t end up happening. It was about suicide awareness and the different reasons for it. There was to be informative writing about the topic and cause and then a short story. This is the short story. Also, I spent a solid hour or two revamping and editing this for you all today since I couldn’t post much about my soon to be posted book. I hope you enjoy!

I wake up to my alarm blaring in my ears. My eyelids refuse to lift, the world a blurry mess. I stumble into my uniform, the alarm still blaring. Eventually, my patience runs out and I shut off the alarm. I snatch my backpack out from the corner of my room before hastily grabbing a granola bar and running to the bus parked outside.

I jump into the bus and walk down the aisle, all of the noise, ranging from random conversation to yelling and fighting, filling my ears and overwhelming my mind. I almost want to put my hands to my ears and drown out the noise, but someone’s bound to take offense. As I sit down in a seat next to the seemingly quietest kids, the horrible stench of what are probably 10-year-old raisins with a generous side of sweaty gym socks permeates my nose. I hate the bus. I decide to try spacing out.

Arriving at school, I go into the girl’s bathroom and wait until everyone leaves. I look really weird waiting for people to leave, and I don’t care. Actually, that’s not true. I definitely care.

Once everyone’s gone, I slip out of my catholic school skirt and into far more comfortable slacks. My mother had refused to get me anything but the “girl’s” uniform which consisted of a tight, long skirt and a blouse.

I hear the bell and run to class, bursting into the classroom and sliding into my seat directly after my name is called.

“Late.” I groan and get out my homework. Why does it have to be me?

Vanessa and her friends snicker across the classroom. “Hey look, the plant’s here.”

My ears burned and I clenched my teeth. Those obnoxious jerks. I’m not a plant. “My name’s E-” My eyes widen as I catch myself. “-Ellie.”

Vanessa gasps dramatically and then says, “It can talk?!”

I don’t respond and give her what she wants, but it takes all of my strength not to. God, how am I so stupid? I don’t care if I’m using the Lord’s name in vain. I already let them know I was asexual! And if I let it slip? “My name’s Elliott.” I can only imagine the crap they’d do and say to me. What would I tell them? “Oh yeah, by the way, I’m nonbinary.” That would totally work.

I take deep breaths. I look at the teacher and then to the board, and suddenly, zoning becomes much easier. The lunch bell rings after a while and I walk towards the courtyard, finding one of the trees in the corner that no one ever sat by. It’s sad and droopy. I wish I couldn’t relate.

“Hey, Elliott!” I flinch at the noise. He smiles and sits down next to me.

I relax and say, “Hey, Logan. How was the class?”

“Class was crappy,” I crack a smile and when I do, he adds “as always. I love how you did your hair today. It’s pretty.”

My mouth goes dry and I fidget with my hands, forcing myself to smile. I shove my (sadly, homemade) peanut butter jelly sandwich into my mouth and then spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to swallow enough of it to even be able to chew.

We talk and smile, though he does most of the talking, and I force myself to listen, because he always has great things to say.

The lunch bell ringing is jarring and sudden enough to make me jump, but that isn’t saying much. I grin at Logan. “ I’ll see you tomorrow, man. Bye!”

He high fives me and starts walking towards his classroom. I walk towards mine. After Mr. Simon takes role call and I raise my hand and answer a question once, I figure I’m safe and promptly space out for the rest of the day.

The bell rings and right as I’m about to walk out of the door, I heard Mr. Simon say, “Eleanor, may I speak to you?” A collective ‘oooh’ sound comes from what’s remaining of the class, suggesting I’m in trouble, as I walk up to his desk.

“Can I help you, Mr. Simon?”

“Do you remember the dress code guidelines we went over at the beginning of the year?”

I start to panic. “Uh, yeah.”

“Then you remember that girls are to wear skirts and a blouse and that boys are to wear a button down and slacks.”

I mutter that I might remember something like that. “Why can’t I wear pants? I’m not wearing anything completely out of school uniform.”

“Yes, but we have a strict dress code and you, as a girl,” I flinch at the word girl. Of course, I can’t correct him. “are to wear a skirt. If you come to school tomorrow wearing pants, I’ll have you change back into a skirt, confiscate the pants, and then call your parents.”

I nod my head as if I understand, which I don’t, and then walk out of the classroom. I know he hates me, but I had no clue he would go to these lengths to get me in trouble. What the hell kind of person would go to the lengths of confiscating pants? None of my other teachers cared! He’s just an asshole!

I really don’t want to wear a skirt and that was only the first time I wore pants. On the other hand, I don’t want them to get taken away because I had to save up for months to get them and I really want to avoid having to deal with my parents.

As I walk home, I approach the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge and smile. It’s so beautiful. Late afternoon fog is quite unusual this time of year and most people don’t like it, but I’m secretly happy about it.

I love walking along the bridge in the morning because it’s so easy to clear my mind. The wind can make my hair clothes flap wildly in the wind which is annoying, but the feeling of the cold wind can be comforting. The smell of saltwater in the air fills my nose as I approach one end of the bridge. I start to cross the bridge, right into the fog. It’s peaceful and the moist air feels cool and nice against my skin.

After around 45 minutes, I come out on the other side of the bridge.

As I walk, I fantasize about laying down on the couch and not worrying about homework. Not because I finished it, but because I’m planning on procrastinating.

I turn down my street and see my house. As I approach it, I realize that my house has been egged. I see a note on the door and run up and grab it. Get out of here, fag. You don’t belong here.

Vanessa, her boyfriend, and their horrible friends were right about the last part. I don’t belong here. I wish I could leave, but it isn’t exactly possible. I rip up the note and look up at the eggs that are covering my home.

I don’t want to clean this up… but my parents will ask why it happened if I don’t. Plus, they’ll make me do it anyway. I sigh as I trudge inside to grab a mop and some other cleaning supplies.

Opening the closet door, I grab everything I think I might need, which is a lot. I’ve never cleaned up eggs, so I’m just guessing.

I turn back to trudge outside again and start to wipe the door with a random rag that I found. Once I finish cleaning everything that I can reach from the ground, I place all my supplies on the roof overhang, awkwardly climbing onto it.

I get on my knees shakily and start to clean the roof. Damn, can these kids throw. It takes what seems like years, but is probably just a couple hours to finish cleaning the house.

Taking a risk, I jump from the overhang. I didn’t break any bones! Yay! I grab all of the cleaning supplies and shove them back into the closet as I walk to my room. I get changed into some paint-stained jeans and a band t-shirt that my parents begrudgingly bought me for Christmas.

I walk back out and throw myself on the couch. I log into the only social media my parents let me have and open a chat with one of my best friends, AchillesIsTheTrueGayIcon, also known as Bentley (or Ben). Sometimes I call him Benjamin just to annoy him.

Me: What’s up, Benjamin?

He responds almost immediately.

Ben: Asshole. But not much. You?

Me: You want to know who the real assholes are? The jerks from school who egged my house.

Ben: Oof. That sucks, dude.

Ben: Hey I gtg do homework. Talk later?

Me: Sure.

I turn off my phone and put it down. I hear my mom pull up so I sit up and take out my school binder. I place my homework from yesterday in front of me so I look like I’ve been doing homework since the second I got home.

As soon as I finish setting up my fake homework station, she walks in. “Hey, mom!” No. Too cheery. Calm down.

She smiles happily, “Hi, Ellie!” I cringe at my old name. At least she didn’t notice my overly excited greeting. “How was your day?” My little sister, Adia follows her in and then runs to our room.

I consider telling her that my day hasn’t been great, but decide against it. There are only two outcomes. The first is that she wouldn’t care and tell me to suck it up. The second is that it would just invoke a flurry of questions. Neither sounds particularly fun. “It was good. Yours?”

“It was fine. Busy as always,” I give her a knowing nod and then I see her smile slowly fade. “You didn’t make yourself dinner, did you?”

“No, not yet.” I smile sheepishly and she sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Alright. Dinner will be ready soon.”

I roll my eyes and she scoffs as she walks into the kitchen, tossing her bags onto a chair at the table. I hear Adia’s footsteps approaching before I see her jump onto the couch beside me.

“Hi, Adia. Did you have fun at daycare today?”

”Yeah! I played with Sammy!”

“That’s fun.” She smiles proudly as if having a friend is something to be proud of, which in my case, is true, but in her case, not so much. She has a lot of friends.

“I got to see all mommy’s friends, too! They’re so nice!”

I’m contemplating how untrue that is when I hear my mom start to reheat leftovers from last night. She tosses all of the food on three plates the same way she did her bag.

Wow. Soon really did mean soon.

My mom presses the power button on the remote and we pretend to watch a sitcom as we shovel food into our faces. Eventually, the episode ends. Too lazy to change the channel, we leave it alone and ignore it.

My mom is seated facing the screen and I watch her chuckle. I turn to the screen and freeze. It's a pride parade. All of a sudden I hear Adia’s excited voice.

“Ooooh! Rainbows!” I look at her and smile a little bit. She doesn’t even know. Sometimes I wish I don’t know what LGBTQ+ means. But that’s not really true.

“Those rainbows are for gay people.” She says gay in disgust as if it’s the worst thing you can be.

Mom continues, “You don’t want to be gay. Being gay is bad. You’ll go to hell if you’re gay.”

Now she just looked confused. “Why is it bad?”

“Because a man is supposed to marry a woman. That’s how God created us.” Mom says.

I finish eating my food as fast as I can to escape this horrible conversation and then interrupt. “Can I be excused? I’m getting tired.”

Before my mom can respond, my father swings open the front door.

This time, it’s not just me who’s frozen. He’s holding a beer bottle. His tie is loose. The top button of his shirt is unbuttoned and it’s stained.

What makes it most obvious that it’s happened again is his eyes. They’re huge. And not in the caring way.

He smiles goofily and stares at Adia and I. “No hug? No ‘Hi daddy!’ or ‘Thanks for working your ASS off every day to provide for us’?”

My first instinct is to pull Adia closer to me and step one foot in front of her, which I follow through on. My second instinct is to throw something at him so we can all run.

I hold back. Mom’s too close to dad. She would never be able to run away in time. He could hit her. Hurt her. Even kill her, if he wanted to. She’s not a good person, but she doesn’t deserve that.

“Go. To your rooms. Now.” I turn to my mom in utter surprise.

“But mom-“

“Now.” Her voice is sharp and cold, but filled with fear. The most confusing part is that I know the fear isn’t for herself. It’s for us.

I grab Adia and make sure she’s safe and locked in her room before running to mine. I press my ear against the door because I might be able to get an idea of what’s happening. I can’t hear anything.

I slump down and hang my head in my hands. Holy mother of God. What is wrong with my family? Why doesn’t she just kick him out when he’s hungover? Why don’t we leave?

I can't deal with this.

I'm sobbing now. I clench my teeth to trap the noise in my mouth.

Over the course of a few minutes, I draw myself up onto my knees and stand up, walking over to sit down at my desk. I start to scribble words that seem right on a paper. After a minute of writing, I reread it. It's not good enough. I crumple up the piece of paper and throw it in the trash.

I hug my knees tightly, trying not to make any form of sound. My breathing slows to its normal pace as I continue to sit there and I grab another piece of paper. I start to write once again, this time neater.

In the morning, I wake up the same way as yesterday. I put on my pants and even throw on a t-shirt instead of a blouse. I don’t care if Mr. Simon tries to force me to wear a skirt. I’m not taking anyone’s crap on my last day of school.

As I look in the cracked medicine cabinet mirror, all I can think of is my hair. I chew on the inside of my cheek for a minute while I go over all my options. I finally tug open the drawer and grip my father’s razor in my hand. There are lots of those weird plastic protectors that I think make sure you don’t accidentally shave off all your hair. I choose the one labeled number 4 at random and push it onto the top of the razor.

My heart starts to beat faster as I push it gently against my scalp, running it down my head in different places until my entire head is buzz cut. For the first time, I feel alive.

I peek out of the crack in the door and watch my mom walk into the kitchen. I run to my room, grabbing my backpack and binder.

I do this again and again until I’m out of the door.

I step into the bus, a huge grin slapped on my face. The other kids stare and I don’t even pay any attention to them. For the first time, I don’t care. I hear a kid yell “Get off, queer!” and I resist flipping him off… well, I try to resist flipping him off.

Taking my time, I walk into the classroom and sit next to Logan. He stares at me, dumbfounded. “What the hell did you do?” he whispers.

“I buzz cut my hair. I don’t even care anymore. I’ll deal with the consequences,”

Not.

“I just needed to do it,” I finish.

His face is contorted into a mixture of dumbfoundedness and horror as he slowly shakes his head. “Yeah. Alright. Tell me if you need anything, I guess.” He can’t stop staring at me and I honestly find it kind of funny.

A kid walks up to me sitting at what is most likely his desk.

“You’re sitting in my seat.”

“Yeah. I know. My seat’s over there. Feel free to take it.” He looks as if he’s about to say something more, but he turns to walk towards my actual seat.

Logan looks at me. I wonder if he knows something off. That taking some other kid’s seat isn’t something I’d normally do.

If he notices, he doesn’t mention it. “Anyways, how was your day yesterday?” He laughs and then adds, “Holy crap. That was such a mom question.”

I snort and answer, “Oh my god, you’re right. But it was good. I’m tired as hell, though.”

“No kidding.” I grin at him as the teacher looks at us again. I don’t really pay attention in math. I just talk to Logan. It’s relaxing to not have to care. To not have to worry about the consequences of my actions.

When we walk to lunch, I start complaining to Logan about how much of the day we have left.

“Uh, you know that we have an early day, right?”

“Oh! I do now.” He chuckles and smiles. I feel my cheeks warm up slightly at his smile. It’s a beautiful one. He starts to talk about some fandom of his and I try my hardest to pay attention.

I don’t really know what triggers this, although I have an idea, but I realize something. I’ve never kissed someone. Okay, this needs to change. I feel weird thinking about it, but I know exactly who I want to be my first and last kiss.

He’s about to start another thought, but I interrupt him. I don’t care. “You’re amazing.”

He looks at me as if I said the strangest thing he’s ever heard. “I mean it. You’re always there for me and you talk to me about things we like. I feel I don’t thank you enough for that.”

He still looks confused and a bit weirded out but he just smiles calmly. “Right back at you,” he responds as he fidgets with his hands and looks down at his shoes. I gesture for him to continue and, without hesitation, he does.

Logan sighs and packs up his lunch as the bell rings.

“Hey, will you walk home with me? I know you normally hang out here for a while but I want to talk to you.” I know this is a risk.

Just like before, he doesn’t say anything, but now I’m sure that we both know something’s wrong. “Yeah, of course.”

We grab our stuff and we start walking. He starts walking faster and gets ahead. This is not acceptable.

I break into a full sprint and he starts to chase me. My breath is short and raspy as I laugh all the air out of my lungs with him. When we reach the bridge, we’re both out of breath. We start panting like dogs on a hot day as we bend over and try to distribute our body weight evenly.

I stand up straight again and look at him. His face is glowing and his brown eyes are big and happy. He runs his hand through his slicked-back (with both gel and sweat) hair and adjusts his glasses. What a dork.

I know this is the moment. I move closer to him and press my lips against his own, my own brain not having a say in it.

The salty air blows through my hair and I feel on top of the world. After a couple of seconds, I step away. He looks confused. He wasn't okay with it. Oh, God. What have I done? I'm about to keep running down the bridge when he hugs me.

This time, I'm the unprepared one. After a minute, he lets go and slides his hand into mine. We continue to walk across the bridge. There's nothing we need to say and it feels amazing.

We don't have to explain ourselves. We can just walk quietly together. And it's not awkward.

My happiness fades away as I realize this is the first and last time I’ll be able to do this. I couldn’t change my mind if I wanted to. I already taped the note to his backpack when we left school.

Today was the best day of my life, but the rest of my life will be a living hell if I go back home right now. Today was a good day. One in a million.

This has to be the last time. Nothing good can last forever. Nothing can last forever.

We reach the other side. “Goodbye, Logan.”

He laughs. “You say it like this is the last time I’ll ever see you. I’m going to see you tomorrow.”

I feel my heart shatter a little bit more than it already had but I cover it up with a soft smile. “Yeah. It’s just goodbye for now.” He leans in and kisses my cheek and then twirls around like a ballerina. I choke back a sad laugh.

He starts to walk towards his house, but I just turn towards the water.

Tears spill silently down my face. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. I want to run to Logan and scream his name, but I can’t. This has to be done alone.

I lift one foot onto the railing and then the other. This is it.

One last tear slips down my face as I whisper raspily, “I’m sorry, Logan.” I know it will be peaceful. A quiet ending. Not that I deserve one, but I guess it’s a favor to myself. I let go of the pole that I had been holding onto.

And then I’m falling.

Falling.

Gone.

Tagging: @sunandshinee @writingamongthecoloredroses @ettawritesnstudies @rhycantspell @just-perhaps @etddivine @antisocialdragonenby @crabsthinkfishfly @holdup-pause @gaydemiboy

#tw suicide #suicide awareness #tw acoholism #tw alcohol #tw abuse #tw abusive family #tw homophobia #verbose #vioaeon #writing #mine

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awkwardlittlepringle · 4 years

Text

Queer ‘n Crazy

CHAPTER 2

Hello fellow Fanders! This is the second chapter of Queer ‘n Crazy, and thank you so so so much for reading this! I appreciate it a lot. 😄 Also, does anyone know how to tag people? Or link things accurately? I have no clue how this website works.

Blurb thing : To say Virgil Black hasn’t had the easiest life would be an understatement. Considering all he’s been through, it’s no surprise that he has a few mental illnesses. But that doesn’t mean he appreciates being thrown into some government experiment, even if he does have a gorgeous roommate.

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Warnings : Mentions of an abusive family, OCD, depression and anxiety disorders, self deprecating thoughts.

.................

Virgil re-adjusted the backpack strap on his shoulder as he stared out the car window, biting his lip.

He'd been to the school before, on the orientation and moving days. However, his roommate had not been present on moving day. When he asked the receptionist about this, she said he'd arranged to move a different day. Meaning, that out of almost everyone in the school, he was the only one who had not been acquainted with his roommate.

"Are you alright, Virgil?" He nodded, turning to Mike, who was in the drivers seat. The car approached the campus, and Mike found a parking not too far from the dorms. Fidgeting, Virgil consulted the leaflet that he had clenched in his hand. A map of the institute.

His anxiety had caused several scenarios to run through Virgil's head concerning this day and needless to say, hardly any comforted him. But as Janice had reminded him about ten times that morning, "If you want to leave, just give us a call." Virgil looked at the map.

His dormitory, a building called Draconis, was a five minute walk from the parking lot. All of the dormitories were arranged in a pentagon, around a courtyard commons.

Virgil stepped out of the car to feel a light breeze ruffle his hair. Despite himself, he smiled. He'd seen the campus before, and there was no denying that it was beautiful.

Maple trees were planted around a the brick-lined sidewalk. A large reception blocked Virgil's view, but he could still see a slither of a large college-style campus, with small gardens and fountains. A few other students were getting out of cars, and like Virgil, all of them held a small suitcase or duffel bag.

"Goodbye, Virgil." said Mike, stepping out of the car himself to Virgil a hug. Virgil hugged back, ignoring the voice in his head that said the other students would judge him because of it. Mike stepped back into the car, and a stab of worry hit Virgil. What if he was an outcast here, too?

Just to give himself something to do, Virgil glanced at the map in his hand once more. He knew what he had to do, go to the reception and get a key, and then go to his dorm. Simple. But there were people in the reception. Chances are it was full of people waiting to get their dorm keys. Still, to prevent himself from looking like an idiot, Virgil willed his feet into motion. He was tempted to put on his headphones, but he didn't want to risk bumping into anyone.

He walked to the reception, and joined the line of about nine students, all queuing up to receive their room key. Most were accompanied by their roommates, chatting uncomfortably. Virgil fiddled with the strings of his hoodie and kept his gaze fixed on his feet to avoid the non-existent gazes he was sure were plaguing him.

He shuffled up to the desk, mumbled out his name and room number, and received a small silver key in return. He shuffled out the back door, grateful for the cool air that grazed his skin. shoving his hands into his pockets, he strode down the stone pathways that lined the school following signs for the dorms.

Six minutes later he was standing in a carpeted hallway in front of a door numbered 145. Virgil glanced at his key before slotting it into the lock. A small click quelled the thoughts running through his brain, and he entered the apartment-like complex.

He walked inside, taking in the carpeted room in front of him.

Two double beds were placed into either corner, laid with white sheets, a grey quilt and a navy and green tartan comforter each. A side table stood next to each bed, and at the foot of the bed, a desk. Not bad. There were two wardrobes as well, one of which was laying open, clothing hung neatly inside. Virgil's mouth dried up as he stepped into the room, his suitcase trailing behind him.

Upon closer inspection, Virgil realised that a navy suitcase was leaning neatly against the foot of the bed on the right, so Virgil moved toward the bed on the left. He placed his suitcase on top of the comforter, and opened it. He glanced at the comforter, his nose wrinkling up. It was ugly.

Instead he drew out a fuzzy purple blanket, laying it on top of the comforter, and turned to the side-table. He opened up the drawers and placed in the few items he had left over from moving day. He'd just finished the task before what he assumed was the bathroom door opened.

Out stepped a teen who looked like he had a metal rod instead of a spine. Immaculate posture, a sharp jawline, neatly styled hair and a black shirt and tie, dubbed him the most formal teenager Virgil had met by a mile. But somehow, he managed to pull it off.

He closed the door gently before stepping away from it. Then he turned around and Virgil felt the his breath being snatched away.

He had the most gorgeous eyes Virgil had ever seen. The were a curious dark blue, almost like navy mixed with a storm-cloud grey. But strangely enough, he could spot a small hazel streak near the edge of his irises. They had a depth that Virgil couldn't fathom, like they held the secrets of the universe underneath their captivating metallic pigment.

"Virgil Grant, I assume?" Virgil felt his cheeks heat up as the stranger cocked his head to the side, surveying Virgil. He'd noticed Virgil had been staring. "U-Uh, yeah. I'm Virgil." he said lamely, wincing at the sound of his voice. God he was pathetic. However, the stranger just smiled.

"My name is Logan Rouge, pleasure to make your acquaintance." Despite being a bit thrown off by his manner of speech, Virgil shook Logan's outstretched hand. "So you're my roommate." said Virgil, his eyes darting around Logan's profile. "Yes, it appears so." said Logan, smiling gently. He then moved to sit down on his bed. "So, what are you here for?"

"Depressive anxiety and PTSD. Y'know, just being a burden in general." Virgil fell back into his own bed with a tired smile. "You?"

"OCD and depression, mainly OCD though. Both are under control." Logan surveyed him with interest. "So that's how they're playing it. Odd." he murmured. Virgil glanced at him confused. "Huh?" "This building, Draconis, is inhabited by people with different types of anxiety." began Logan. "I assumed that people with the same syndromes would room together, although some triggers may be shared. But their putting people with different disorders in different dorms." His eyebrows furrowed. "It's strange. What if the triggers clash? That wouldn't end well." Virgil shrugged.

"You don't know if it's like that for everyone, so far you only know about our disorders, right?" Logan hummed. "I suppose." The two lapsed into silence. While Virgil knew he had no reason to be, he couldn't help but feel a bit awkward.

"Anyway," said Logan breaking the silence. "Any triggers I should be aware of?" Virgil looked at him surprised. No one had asked him that before, they usually waited to find out when he panicked.

"Um..." Began Virgil, taken aback. "I don't particularly like yelling, or closed spaces," Logan hummed, his eyebrows crinkling adorably. "How about comfort objects?" "Just my hoodie. What about you? Any triggers?" said Virgil.

"Not yet, but I would prefer it if you don't touch my things," said Logan, a bit embarrassed. "I know it's odd but I do need a couple of weeks to figure out what arrangements don't upset me."

"Not a problem, Lo." Logan froze, looking at Virgil. Oh shit, he hates him now, doesn't he. Stupid mouth giving stupid nicknames without asking the per-

"Lo..." he mused, a small smile slipping onto his face. "I like it." Virgil let out a small chuckle, marvelling the boy in front of him. He'd never gotten along with someone this easily before, it was kinda creeping him out.

"How come you ended up here, anyway? You seem to be doing alright." said Virgil sitting up. Logan sighed. "My parents can't be bothered dealing with my disorder. We were never really close, but I suppose the OCD really set them off. They can't understand why arrangements would upset me. But I can't blame them, I don't really get it either." Virgil shot him a sympathetic smile.

"You've got crappy parents too, huh?" Logan's mouth quirked up slightly. "Yes. How about parents stay out of casual conversation, would that be suitable?" Virgil nodded at his stoic faced acquaintance. "Deal."

"We should probably head to the auditorium, we wouldn't want to miss the speech." said Logan standing up. "I trust that you have a map?" Virgil nodded, pulling the brochure out of his pocket. "How'd you know?" "You seem like the type to overthink everything." he said fixing his tie.Virgil smirked.

"You got me there."

..............

TAG THING I’M SORRY I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS PROPERLY.

@someone-idk-is-here

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k-odyssey · 5 years

Text

Things I like about At Eighteen

This is not a spoiler-free list, so proceed with caution. Everything in bold is safe to read though and, except in the Oh Je paragraph, there’s no big spoiler. Also, this is just my opinion.

No character is a misfortune-magnet. All of them have bad things happen to them, but neither lead is a poor, dying orphan whose relatives hate them, for instance. I personally like a more realistic kind of storytelling.

The portrayal of various types of parents. Although this is not exclusive to this drama, I enjoy seeing a more nuanced depiction of parenthood than Good Parent vs Terrible Parent. It’s also nice to see different kinds of families (Hwi Young’s parents who show a united front to the outside world while hiding domestic abuse, Soo Bin’s mother pretending really hard that her husband hasn’t left home/everything is ok and trying to protect her daughter in any way she can, Joon Woo’s mother who had him early and raised him by herself and is really close to him... and of course Oh Je’s cat-loving father).

It’s a great coming-of-age drama. All of the characters (including some of the adults, actually) are feeling a little lost and facing big life decisions. Hwi Young is trying to fit into the mold his parents made for him, while fighting his conscience. (I’m hoping he will realize that it matters more what kind of person you are than how many achievements you can brag about in the closed-off social circle your elitist parents move in by the end. Also, someone do something about his father!!) Soo Bin is trying to get her mother to accept that she doesn’t want/need to go to a high-pressure university. Basically, she needs to make her understand in a loving way that her life is her own, and that a good/expensive education won’t protect her from heartbreak. And that it’s not worth it if it’s at the cost of her happiness. Joon Woo has bravely decided, in spite of what signals society has been sending him (not subtly--are people really this harsh in real life...), that he has a future and can become whatever he wants. Even if his family isn’t well-connected, even if it consists of his single-mom and him, and even if they’re not rich. I cannot not mention Oh Je, of course. [I had too much to say about Oh Je so I made another bullet point below just for him.]

Oh Je. He seems to have the most loving family, but he’s still (so far) not comfortable coming out to them. [Wait, wait, his dad seemed surprised when his girlfriend showed up. Does he know?] He’s too empathetic to reject the girl who asks him out in front of everyone, and I guess that’s why he’s apparently the only character who sees Hwi Young for what he is and likes likes him anyway. (Not an easy feat. Maybe he sees the potential in him to be good.) I see Oh Je as a really complex, really great character. He's a good friend, good son, always kind and trying to make everyone happy. (Of course, trying to keep everyone happy isn’t sustainable in the long run...) The kind of person that befriends the ostracized transfer student in a heartbeat. Doesn't care about status in a place where status matters a lot. And (secretly) gay in a place where he could suffer for it. And crushing on someone who's more interested in keeping his rank in the social ecosystem than in getting in touch with his own feelings. I pray they don't ruin his storyline but I’m honestly not sure what the best outcome would be.

Trees, plants, greenery. This drama is very pleasant to look at, and it might be because there’s so much green. Sometimes the room is painted that way, but often they’re actually standing in front of trees. It’s lovely, that’s all I have to say about that. Special mention to dreamy bike rides through parks.

The moms becoming friends, supporting each other. I love that so much. Soo Bin’s mom is basically friendless in the beginning and it’s lovely to see her overcoming her prejudice. [I wrote that before watching ep12 so yeah. Still needs to work on it. But I think the “men are trash” side of her was coming out as well maybe. Either way, Soo Bin’s mom is a very interesting character. And should seek therapy.]

Characters I empathize with or am interested in. The main reason that I’m this invested in this drama is its characters. I couldn’t tell you why I think they’re so great. I just understand what drives each of them, and it makes sense to me. I feel like I can see all of the things that pull them in the directions they’re taking. Which means I feel connected to them.

Empathy and kindness are attractive. I appreciate the fact that Soo Bin and Joon Woo like each other for their (good) personalities (as well as their faces, let’s be honest) and fit together. Again, this is not the first time a drama does this, but it’s very clear in this one that unambiguously good people are the ones who respect others, try to see things from their point of view and see beyond social backgrounds. And as someone whose least favorite kind of character is an entitled, possessive, disrespectful jerk, I’m loving this. Also, while we’re asked to empathize with Hwi Young, I don’t think we’re asked to brush off all of the bad decisions he makes and forget the hurt he causes. There’s nothing cool about him either. I think we’re meant to look at him as a victim of abuse and a product of the toxic school system/elitist culture with a screwed up moral compass. But it’s clear to me that the writers believe in second chances and they emphasized that nobody’s a lost cause at 18, so I’m waiting to see what they’re going to do about that.

#at eighteen #moment of eighteen #kdrama talk #long post

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fisherfurbearer · 5 years

Note

I would absolutely live to hear about Future Plans and heritage fruits! My partners and I are looking at buying a house by the end of the year and I'm so excited at the prospect of a back yard to fill with food plants and gardening and everything! So I'd love to know more about someone else's plans!!

mmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YOU OPENED THE CAN OF WORMS THE WORMS ARE OPEN THEY ARE EVERYWHERE NOW!!!! OHHHHHHH JEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING CAN STOP THIS!!!!

MMMMMM. I LOVE. DOMESTIC CROPS AND ANIMALS. SO MUCH.

SPECIFICALLY “heritage” varieties. The pre-industrial/commercial varieties that people lived on for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years, or even the stuff younger than that, it’s just...so!! Good!!!

You didn’t QUITE ask for this but this is where I’m going with it. I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. The HISTORY of our domesticated crops (specifically fruits and vegetables, but mostly Tree Fruits!!!! But I’m also suuuuper partial to heirloom sweet potatoes/normal potatoes even though I don’t like the taste of sweet potatoes, they’re just SO FRICKING COOL and I want to learn more about other vegetables too) and animals is just....HOOOOO!!!!

Locally adapted,, perfect little....NUGGETS that just...perfectly fit their own SPECIFIC LITTLE NICHES...no matter WHERE you live, no matter HOW much space you have, no matter HOW good or bad your soil, NO MATTER WHAT, there is ALWAYS something to grow or raise, and we can thank so, so much of that to the incredible variety of heritage crops/animals (and methods of agriculture) out there. Mild, cold, hot! Lots of space, little space, no space!! Fertile, barren!! Every condition in every color and shape and flavor and size and ahhhhhhh!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

Hold onto your butts because this is one Hell of a Mega Ramble okay, there is so much to talk about here, oh man.

Some background, which you can skip if you want...!!! It’s a LOT and it get’s VERY NEGATIVE but also VERY GOOD AND HOPEFUL, it’s a real big story and it’s My Story and gives a lot of insight into Why I’m Like This but it’s okay to skip for sure!! Anyway:

I’ve been researching (i.e. writing literally 1.5-2k+ words nearly every single day) for literally 7 years now about all of my various Passions and Plans in life. Obviously breaks were taken due to Sad Times but no matter what I did, no matter what happened, I’d always come back to my dumb awful stupid notes. I have notes on my current laptop, my old harddrive, my SO’s laptop, my stepdad’s laptop, my SO’s OLD gaming laptop, my old netbook, my OLD OLD netbook, every phone I’ve had in the past 7 years (which has been like uhh...five? I have bad luck with phones..) and COUNTLESS pieces of paper and cheap composition books.

To call it research, it seems to silly. Writing these words here, to you strangers on the internet, I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU how VITAL these notes are to my VERY EXISTANCE.

I have been researching and writing and talking to folks and asking questions and LIVING AND BREATHING this stuff for LITERALLY, LITERALLY HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS if not ALMOST A THOUSAND OR MORE HOURS at this point!!!! If we were to actually SOMEHOW backtrack all the way to late 8th grade/freshman year when I first started dipping my toes into reptiles and fell in love with my first jumping spider that landed on my arm after I read Darren Shan’s Cirque Du Freak, after being so fascinated by the intelligent giant magic tarantula in the first book, and gathered ALL of my notes from then to NOW (I’m 21 now, if I was in college, I’d be graduating next May) it would EASILY surpass that. For YEARS in high school my family thought I was always playing games on my laptop, but really from the moment I got home to the moment I went to bed, I was watching lets plays with one side of the screen and reading, reading, reading, and writing, writing, writing with the other. For HOURS. Every. Single. Day.

Hell, this has been my most recent “Renaissance” of writing, after The Big Realization of earlier this year (I’ll get to that), and this is AFTER I went on a horrible depressed/manic rampage and deleted like 80% of my notes (that would have been from...hmm. This is what I didn’t delete, what Jessie recovered, and what I’ve added...so March to Early September, when Jessie switched my notes to a new program (I lost a lot of notes from lack of autosaving so now they’re on our nextcloud so I can’t lose them...but I’m too stubborn to use it still) and this is still like. A lot.

Keep in mind the average 10-11 kb file is 1500-1700 words for me. My biggest files (only of the ones I still have, on this laptop) are 40-60 kb. (Also these are Big Secrets that I don’t ever show anyone but Jessie, who I’ve been with now for almost 7 years, so this is pretty dang important to me and a big thing to be revealing.)

Current folder I’m usually saving to:

Nextcloud I don’t bother to use usually but probably should use:

Again, this is ONLY on my newest laptop, and this DOESN’T include the files I deleted a few months ago, nor the files I lost from February-early April after Jessie updated my computer and wiped my files, and I still have a BUTTLOAD left on my old harddrive from last year, but we never moved it up and I don’t feel a need to. (I’ve learned so much. So. Much. In the past year. I think I’ve matured a lot and really become more...Me. But I’ll get to that.)

Also doesn’t include the SEVERAL notebooks I’ve filled front to back this year (cheap $0.50 ones from work...I’ve blown through a couple biggish ones and I think 2-3 little quarter-size memo books) and all the receipt papers I have crammed into my work uniform...

But anyway why is this important? It really helps iron in just how HUGE this is to me. My future “Plans” aren’t just...it’s really important to me. Okay? I am but a humble stranger on the internet and my life and everyone elses’ respective lives are infinitely more complex than we can ever dare imagine one anothers’ existences to be, but just trust me when I say that I’m not pulling this from nowhere, this shit isn’t some sort of “fad” to me, this has been a long, long series of events and realizations and heartbreaks and so, so much pain that have finally led to everything kinda falling into place sometime this year where it hit me.

You see...all of my research topics followed a pattern. It went, in my rough memory, something like this.

It started with reptiles. Lots of reptiles. So many reptiles. I was so naive and young then and my sources sucked and I was very much a novice who dreamed of owning all sorts of cool reptiles when I got older, and of getting a gecko when I went to college. That was how it started and it went downhill from there. I branched off into gardening (I wanted and still want a blue tongue skink and had thoughts about how I’d grow a garden for vegetables and squashes and stuff for the skink and feeder insects) and THAT grew into this whole THING about raised bed gardening, square foot gardening, then into permaculture, which planted the seed for many things to come...and now I’ve ALWAYS LOVED BIRDS,, but when I learned that keeping CHICKENS was a thing (thank you Jennifer (Nambroth)!!!!!!!!!! Our emails back and forth are still saved forever, our talks about chickens changed my life and way of thinking Forever!!!) and I researched that, then I’d jump back to reptiles again, and back to chickens, then more reptiles, then chickens and QUAIL, or OTHER poultry,, and so on and so on. This beautiful fluid branching path that would always rebound on itself and I’d drop some topics, gain new ones, revisit old ones, learn what I liked, what I didn’t like, what were brief interests, and what were there to stay.

Some topics (chickens, new caledonian geckos, antaresia pythons, tarantulas, gardening...) would always come back. No matter what I did...they came back. As I grew as a person, I started to figure out what was important to me (CONSERVATION, animal welfare, reptile/invertebrate enrichment, vivarium design, combining art with animals, and did I mention CONSERVATION? and combating climate change/The World but that came later.) and while some of those points didn’t show up in my research until later...like my obsession with native wildlife/plants and domestic species...it never went away.

And as I grew older, outside of my research life went on, and I really went through A Lot in these seven years. Undiagnosed anxiety/depression all through high school, practically living in the guidance office junior/senior year, dealing with an emotionally abusive and animal abuser teacher for many years, living with my emotionally abusive/narcissistic mother, and eventually going to an amazing art college and having both the best and worst time of my life (Hahah!! Almost straight As and skipped a writing class with my amazing scores and was top of my class, Dean’s list first semester, in the Visionary Women’s Honors society, worked in the admissions office and did lots of cool things, but hahaha also really wanted to die and was Destroying Myself) and trying to get help while keeping it a secret from my mom...lo and behold of course she eventually found out about the Depression when I had to go inpatient near the end of my second semester, and she. HA, I can’t even cry about this anymore. She literally disowned me (took all my money, sold my car, cut me off of health insurance, made me pay my own hospital bills, refused to do my FAFSA for college anymore, dropped all support, and later when I had to come home because I relapsed again and the college made me go on a medical leave of absense, she threatened to kick me out and call the police [hilariously enough though the house was owned by my stepdad, not her, so she couldn’t do anything. Also I never did anything to her and she was just crazy and made up excuses. But yeah not fun trying to walk to work and being threatened over the phone that she was going to have me dragged out of work by the cops and not to come home, hahaha!!!!!! But then also when I did live with my neighbor for a few days she was apparently so distraught?? Haha what a weird person!!!! I haven’t seen her for three years now and it’s been the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t mourn for me, it’s SO Much better now. Speaking of, she was a PETA-hugging ARA nutjob and if she knew what I was planning on doing she would’ve disowned me either way!!!!!!), and of course fighting to be able to move out and rent an apartment with my SO (I hate the word boyfriend. It’s been 7 years come January 11th, and we’ve been through so fucking much. And she [my mom...] and other people always made fun of him being my BOYFRIEND that that word is tainted for me...so Significant Other it is) and then being forced to live alone there for a couple months,, and then even after that, the fights with his family, the car accident in November, my mom ruining all chances of me going to college (keep in mind I had after leaving college, spent the next TWO AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE trying to make it so I COULD go back, spent all of my time, energy, hope, eVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING trying to do so,,, and she manipulated me and then lied to me and made it so I couldn’t), my rebounding depression, my Intensifying Aggression (terrifying. Developed when I was in college...I guess it’s some kind of rapid bipolar disorder, maybe triggered by me going on antidepressants in college, they said. But it was so long ago and they never knew the full story for a proper diagnosis anyway. But it’s gotten manageable and We’re Coping), the housefire on Christmas, moving Once Again to the new place and being told I can’t bring my 15 year old cat (he’s with my stepdad still now but it’s not okay.), the rats have to be in the basement, and oh yeah if you want to attend college again loans will be nearly 13% interest hahaha!!! and then finally just straight up breaking down in February and not leaving bed for DAYS and nearly committing suicide, just the real worst time ever, and my former therapist/psychiatrist place weren’t responding (turns out they discharged me!! haha kinda hard to make appointments WHEN YOU DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE and we DIDN’T GET THE NOTICE IN THE MAIL because our HOUSE WAS CONDEMNED and my mail was being sent to my STEPDADS an hour away!!!!!!!! Also really hard to talk to you when you BLOCK OUR FUCKING NUMBER and HANG UP ever time we fucking call haha!!!!!! Literally on the verge of suicide and not on my anxiety meds for MONTHS but hey sure that works too guys!!!!) which really didn’t help, and yeah it was really just the pits! Just the absolute pits, the Very Worst.

Now at this point I don’t remember exactly when/what changed, but SOMETHING did.

Leading up to February, I wanna say it was about October that I started getting kinda weirdly depressed, and I started REALLY tanking after the fire. After the fire, I had to move back to my stepdads within the night, and had to live without Jessie again and commute really far and keep the tarantulas a secret and in general be very alone and very sad. I started wearing down and it was getting so hard to just...enjoy. Anything. Even just taking care of the pets became difficult, and doing art or researching was impossible. I just...didn’t care anymore. I stopped caring.

On top of that, my climate grief and general feelings of Despair were at an all time high, and I just didn’t. Fucking. CARE. What happened next.

I spent YEARS of my life WEARING MYSELF TO THE BONE trying to get into college, the get back into college, to just try to do this thing that I was supposed to do, my ONE hope of having a career and a future that I probably wouldn’t even be happy with (I was an illustration major. I liked drawing. It’s what I was best at. But looking back, I wouldn’t have been happy doing it for a living. And Moore [no that’s not what my blog is named for, it just also happens to be my last name] was a great college but it just...wasn’t worth $30k a year with no cosigner for loans, even AFTER my scholarships) and my body and mind were wearing down and no matter what I did I didn’t care about myself, my animals, my partner, my life, nothing. I can’t explain how terrifying that is. Of all the time in my life, I think this was the worst. On top of my life problems, it must be said again that my climate grief and Misery regarding the state of our country and the world was also at an all-time-high, and I just felt...POWERLESS. Powerless and empty and uncaring and dead inside. I really wanted to just...drive off a bridge or eat a ton of pills (which I did do a couple times, don’t do that. Please. It’s NOT worth it.) and just stop Existing.

But then something just...changed.

I don’t know what it was, exactly. But I got SOMETHING back. SOMETHING “clicked”.

I’m crying a bit now. It’s so stupid to say, but I truly believe this is what saved my life. Realizing my purpose in life. That everything fell into place and finally made sense.

I’m going to be a bit more concise here but...basically...many of my passions and smaller aspects of myself all fell into place, so PERFECTLY.

It hit me that...ah jeez.

I will digress one more second. For those of you who don’t know, I have two Eurydactylodes geckos, named Vladimir (E. vieiliardi) and Estragon (E. agricolae). They are named for my favorite drama that we read in AP English, Waiting for Godot. It’s an aburdist theater play about two men who wait under a tree for someone (we don’t know who, just that his name is Godot) and that’s about it. Everyone had a lot of different things to say about that weird little book, but my take on it was that it’s supposed to be what happens to two men when they lack a “purpose” in life. Existentialism, and all that. They sit there and sit there and completely lose themselves just WAITING for this guy that they don’t even remember, they don’t even know why they’re there, and they do nothing to try and change that. The difference between existentialism and absurdism, however, is that absurdism specifically discusses this idea of a Chaotic Universe, this Lack of Meaning, this pointless quest of humanity to seek value and meaning in a universe without reason. It’s a fruitless effort, it’s Absurd! But the beauty of absurdism, this tiny idea that stayed with me in the goofy names of my geckos (I chose the names because I thought the play was amusing and I loved the characters’ relationship, which is Quite Gay and so Loving and Charming it warms my heart, and I loved that they called each other “Didi” and “Gogo”) and really held true to my own life. I DO NOT believe that THIS is why this change happened for me, but it’s ironic, no?

Back to Absurdism, Absurdism says... “here is this meaningless, Chaotic, RIDICULOUS universe. There is NO reason for ANYTHING, there NEVER will be, you DO NOT MATTER, you DO NOT HAVE A PLACE HERE. There is NO POINT to anything. So fuck it, and try to find one anyway.”

My original therapist did not understand why I found this so wonderful and inspiring. It’s so rebellious and selfish, I LOVE IT. To embrace the Absurd is to take the bull by the horns and flip it upside down! It’s to stare all of this dreadful pointlessness in the Void, and when it says “Why bother? Why care about these insignificant invertebrates? These ridiculous reptiles? These ABSURD apples???” and flip the bird both hands and say “BECAUSE I WANT TO, BECAUSE I SAID SO, BECAUSE I AM HUMAN, AND I CAN!!!” It’s...also more than that, it’s this long, defiant lifelong journey, this stupid, ridiculous journey of fumbling about trying to find one’s place in a cruel, vast world, and finding oneself in that journey.

I love people. I love the ABSURDITY of humanity, of people, of myself, of others. A Huge part of my Future Plans has to do with People, and Community, and Changing my little patch of the world. It’s not much in the grand scheme of things, but I know it can make a difference to someone and myself and that’s what matters.

Anyway back to the Clickening.

Around that time I had a moment like that. It was as if something in my mind was screaming at me, listen. You are here, and you have always been here to love animals, to love life, to make art, to tell stories with your art, to raise little sheeps.

And like that, it started Something.

I agreed to go to a local doctor, and was put on antidepressants. I’ve been on them since late February. I also got accommodations for work, so I have two excused absenses due to mental illness each month, which was good, because they tried to fire me 4 times now and they haven’t succeeded yet. (I’m DAMN GOOD at what I do, I’m just Sad and Unlucky and Dumb, but I’m doing a lot better now!!) I started taking all of the things I learned in the past many years and what I’ve learned about myself as a person (I won’t talk about it here but I’ve always struggled with my Identity [not gender wise, just...with my mental health and my mood disorder, it’s really hard to know What is ME and What’s The Illness) and it all started falling into place. My needle felting, my love for animals, conserving native wildlife AND heritage breeds with restoration grazing and positive impact forestry, utilizing my Overwhelming Charisma (in person I swear I’m quite a good talker! Way better than my typing here!) for education, outreach, and farmers market sales, my love for life and my fellow human beings and my plans to work hard to help feed my local communities and encourage sustainable agriculture and the dismantlemant of capitalism Love of our native wilds and backyards alike (I also have Big Thoughts about getting native peoples input as well, but I need to research that more and actually talk to people, but that would be in future years!!), and so, so many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That started in late February/early March now, and since then I’ve still had Really bad times, but I’d say in the past mmmmm...probably since late July? I think yeah since about then things have really taken great turns. I’ve Matured a lot, really embraced who I am and what I want to do, and while I KNOW my plans are going to keep changing over time (tentative goal is to look for/buy our property in 2025!! That gives us 5 years post-graduation to settle down and see how things go, where Jessie will be working, where we’ll be living, how my mind changes, all of that!!) but I KNOW in my BONES in my SOUL that this is what I have always been meant to do. To raise things, grow things, and to Care.

ANYWAY WOW HAHAHA YOU SURE DIDN’T ASK FOR ALL THAT BUT THERE YA GO THERE’S THE BACKSTORY, THE FIRST HALF OF THE WORMS!!!!!!

TL;DR: I’m a sad sap who is now slightly less sad and has Big Plans that were 7 years+ in the making and I want to take all my Big Thoughts about exotic welfare (well, reptiles and spiders mostly, but sure) and also apply it to DOMESTIC welfare and Make a Dang Difference!!!!

Okay now I’ve become very burnt out, I’ve been writing for like two hours now? So this part will sadly be shorter, but I will definitely write more about it again if you or anyone else has questions or actually wants to hear about it.

Basically...the amount of These Plans that I am willing to let you folks know, is uhh...oh jeez where do I even begin, haha...

Well it started small plans (early years of research, when I used to think a small greenhouse was Super Wild and Crazy) but nah bruh we goin’ full hog, literally. My plans are to get a decent sized property, still in my state, and have a HUGE focus on Sustainability and Positive Grazing/Management! That means rotational grazing to IMPROVE soils!!! Thinning the woodlot and clearing brush for the HEALTH of the forest!!! Reintroducing blight-resistant american chestnuts to restore our forests and support a healthy wildlife population!!!! Using both honeybees AND cultivated native bees [did you know that’s a thing???? You can buy native bee cocoons, like raised humanely, and raise them for pollinating plants!! Like Orchards!!] and grazing pastured pigs and chickens under orchard trees, while also providing BUTTLOADS of native flowers and domestic tree blossoms for native pollinators!! All that great stuff.

My biggest focuses would be raising practical heritage livestock for sustainable agriculture and conserving heritage fruit trees, with a focus on apples and pears. I also want to grow a lot of mutually beneficial/low-impact perennial resources...think honey, maple syrup, nut trees, stuff like that! And I want to graze on pastures with native grasses and locality-specific wildflowers (check out Ernst Seeds, especially if you live in/near PA like I do!! Wow it’s so frickin’ cool) and focus on northern european short-tailed sheep (finnsheep, gotland, icelandic, leader, shetland, and soay) and small landrace American hogs (american guinea hog, ossabaw island hog) and the more recent but so full of potential idaho pasture pig. I also want to raise icelandic landrace chickens for utility (parasite/pest management, composting), conservation, and eggs. I also want to raise rabbits (silver fox crosses for meat, and french angora crosses for fiber! I have a dream of producing high quality tri color angora for spinners...three colors on one animal, and I want them to be especially great for fiber artists who want to raise their own fiber animals but don’t have a ton of space) and I have BIG orchard plans...SO MANY ORCHARD PLANS, HHHHHOOO YES....SO GOOD...also COPPICE WITH STANDARDS and FORESTRY and HOO YES!!!!! I LOVE SOME GOOD OL FORESTRY!!!

I think the best way to describe my current plans standings is that it seperates into a couple different “zones”, for my Current Ideas. This has taken months and so many countless hours of thinking, researching, and ironing out, and I’ve made so much headway in just this past week, but basically imagine this...

It’s mostly split into two pastures, the orchard, and the woodlot.

PASTURE 1

Pasture 1 would be the largest, where we would rotationally graze two primary groups of ruminants. Polled NES-T sheep (finnsheep/gotland) and horned sheep (icelandic/leader) with dairy cows (dutch belted) as well. Dutch belted for milk and specifically cheese production, and they would be grazed in front with the icelandics to help take care of the taller grasses that the sheep would avoid, and help keep the sheep a bit safer. All would be guarded by livestock guardian dogs. Group #1 of the icelandic chickens would be grazed behind them, to help break up manure and disrupt parasite cycles.

Pasture itself would be mostly a big bluestem/little bluestem/indian grass/switchgrass mix, with a good variety of livestock-safe wildflowers (small portion being nitrogen-fixers like tick trefoils and pasture pea) and seed-producing flowers for birds (wild birds and our birds!). Would be rotationally grazed 1-2 days at a time (avg. 3-4 days total) with a 21-35+ day rest period. Polled NES-T sheep would be moved to “silvopasture” (copse with standards, a portion of the woodlot, with coppiced trees for fuelwood/timber interspersed with standard-sized mast producting trees [would double as nut and persimmon orchard, and hog foraging in fall/winter!!!]) in the summer to help them deal with the heat. Summer would be the best time, as it’s after the spring predator pressure and before the acorns fall, which could be bad for them if they ingest too many. Rams and hogs would otherwise graze this land with much longer rest periods otherwise (more like 30-45 days or so).

PASTURE 2

Smaller pasture with similar planting, arranged ‘paddock paradise’ style for a small group of icelandic horses (SO GOOD, and useful!! Little horse hooves are much kinder to the forest than a UTV, and herding on horseback is less stressful for the livestock) and rotationally grazed shetland and soay sheep. Pretty simple, but important. Would also contain Icelandic chicken group #2.

ORCHARD

Worthy of a novel all on it’s own. I want to grow semi-dwarf heritage fruit trees with the fruit drop type synced to the rotation of pastured hogs (idaho pasture pig, american guinea hog, ossabaw island hog) and group #3 of icelandic chickens. Hogs would be in orchard spring-fall, and in the copse with standards fall-early winter. Hogs and chickens would be moved to a holding area during rainy times to help preserve the orchard floor and during winter, where we would also have a large waste management/composting set up for them to root and turn to their hearts content. Should be a lot warmer than the outside in the winter too, and I plan on it being in a high tunnel/hoop house so its covered.

I am ALL ABOUT pairing livestock with crops and encouraging multi-purpose acreage in general, so this is definitely one of my FAVORITE plans so far, and every time I revisit it, it gets better. I also want to raise BEES (honeybees, mason bees, leafcutter bees!!!) for honey and pollination. I also want to plant BUTT-TONS of native flowers and goodies for pollinators, as well as lots of seed producing plants and sunflowers for the chickens to forage for by themselves. These would be some happy livestock, for sure.

WOODLOT

Another huge part of the plan is that I want at LEAST 1/3-1/2 of the property to be Woods. Only a small fraction of the Woods would be managed for livestock foraging and more frequent harvesting (still looking at a good 7-10 year coppice cycle though for trees) and the rest would still be tended to, with the help of the local forestry folks, but it would be preserved for wildlife and low-impact timber and nut/fruit/sap collection.

The VAST MAJORITY of the farm would be multi-purpose acreage for both livestock AND wildlife benefit (and people too of course) and I truly, truly believe and KNOW it can be done. In fact it HAS been done, IS being done, in so many different ways by so many different people in different times, and I know that I want to be a part of it and I can make a difference and use my weird passions for Good and make a dang difference.

Ohhh jeez I’m real sorry I didn’t quite answer your question though but I hope this gives a little insight into what I mean?? And if anyone has Specific questions after reading this (if you make it to the bottom, bless your cotton socks, I’m so proud and also distressed) I can definitely answer them a bit better than this. And hopefully much less...whatever this is, haha!!

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dizzyspellbook · 4 years

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answer from aries to 12th house. all of them. please.

oh my god ahahhhaaha WELL OKAY.

aries: what are you passionate about?

I am passionate about making art, connecting with people, and helping others the best that I can. when I can help teach someone something important or help them access their own tools, that’s such an amazing feeling!

taurus: name 3 of your favorite books.

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell, The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly, Circe by Madeline Miller, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. all ABSOLUTE bangers. also fuck u I work at a literature company I can put a fourth book if I want.

gemini: what was the last text you sent?

“i shifted how i was sitting and was like ‘oh stabby, cool’” my friends will know what this is about

cancer: if you could choose your child’s zodiac sign, what would it be?

n/a (don’t want kids)

leo: name something you love about yourself.

I LOVE. how creative I am. I mean I constantly bounce between like five different hobbies and I just love looking at the things I’ve created and feeling proud of myself and remembering how much fun I had making the thing! plus, my art has helped me connect with so many people and has helped so many people and that’s just. ahh. so rad!!

virgo: what’s your #1 pet peeve?

I HAVE TO NAME JUST ONE? LMAO. honestly i think i’ll have to say when people are not aware of their surroundings—whether that’s people walking too slowly in front of me or someone just standing like a dummy in the middle of the aisle/sidewalk like buddy come on people have to Go Here.

libra: describe your dream partner.

my dream partner is patient, funny, handsome, supportive, excited, and understanding! he also has been dating me for over five years. :^)

scorpio: do you trust easily?

this is an interesting one. I... don’t think so? and that’s not because I expect people to hurt me, I just have a lot of walls and a front I tend to put up until I’m close with someone. and scorpio is my dominant sign so hey that’s fitting. I can’t always rationally tell whether or not I’m vibing with someone, but if I notice myself struggling to be myself or behave like I normally would because of my protective walls, I know they’re not a good fit for me. (also this isn’t because I’m not friendly or outgoing, it just takes a minute for people to get to know me a bit deeper. asndgntdn i’m overexplaining lol)

sagittarius: if you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be?

bro uh. you know i see why people romanticize traveling a lot, it’s supposed to be this really revealing experience—and I did get to study abroad in college, and it was a powerful and introspective experience—but now that I’m older and have a job and medications and illnesses and disabilities I just don’t know how feasible traveling would be for me. THAT BEING SAID: it’s on my bucket list to spend a few nights to a week in a cabin with paints and books and just fucking chill.

capricorn: what’s your dream job?

currently my goal is to become an adolescent therapist, but if that doesn’t flesh out, something else in the realm of social work or accessibility. and obviously I want enough time and energy to keep making art!

aquarius: do you believe in aliens?

scientifically, yeah! there has got to be intelligent life out there. spiritually, yes! I tend to think of deities as higher-vibrational creatures that can interact with us—similar to spirits and ghosts.

pisces: describe someone you love.

my mom is nerdy and gets excited about small things, from glitter to videogames. she has almost as many tattoos as me, and almost all of them are geeky references. she and i are both traumatized and chronically ill in similar ways, which I think has strengthened our relationship in my adulthood. though, I was always close with her—she always made sure to support whoever we were as children and teens and give us the resources we needed to succeed. :’)

sun: describe yourself in 3 words.

kind, balanced, sensitive

moon: what’s your favorite song?

Such Great Heights by The Postal Service!!!! it’s been my fav song for like, fifteen years

rising/asc: how would you describe your style?

lazy nonbinary wearing nothing but sweaters as they wait for surgery lol

mars: are you easily angered?

no—and in fact, it took me some time and a fair amount of therapy to be able to access my own anger after leaving an abuser. (though I DO get annoyed easily, see the question about pet peeves lolol)

venus: what’s your aesthetic?

i..... what the fuck is my aesthetic outside of my style. what does this mean. raw art, forests, sunsets, rain, i guess???

mercury: what color do you talk in?

green. sometimes, orange! other times, deep sea blue. but usually green.

jupiter: what moral do you live by?

be the best version of you that you can be, listen to the messages the universe sends you, and enjoy your life. be kind to others.

saturn: what’s your biggest fear?

living a dull, unhappy life and not making the most out of the life I have. making decisions out of fear and not going anywhere.

uranus: are you rebellious?

ok so not needlessly so, but whenever it comes to rules I think are dumb as shit, yes. yes. I was the kid in high school who got straight A’s but talked back to the subs when they were being unreasonable lol. I just tend to think “well I’ll do this my own way” when I don’t like something.

neptune: share one of your dreams.

I want to live in a brick house. I think they are so cute. I want a window nook seat, and a tower/fun shaped attic where a library can be—I want a yard for my doggy and a space for me to paint.

pluto: what’s the biggest thing you’ve learned by far in your life?

people are healing.

lilith: do you have any guilty pleasures?

sure! I like to imbibe in some drink or smoke and zone into a dumb videogame every once in a while.

chiron: have you ever broken a bone?

i broke my nose as a child!

ceres: are you a momfriend?

I used to be, now I think of myself more as a mentor and friend than the mom friend. being the mom is exhausting.

pallas: do you have a good relationship with your parents?

my mom, yes!

juno: do you believe in soul mates?

of course! not just romantic soul mates—there are many different kinds.

1st house: are you confident?

yes! most of the time, lol. until i am outside and constantly looking over my shoulder because ptsd has eaten my brain

2nd house: if you could only keep one of your personal items, what would you choose?

probably my laptop because of all the stuff on it, art programs, etc.

3rd house: do you like to read?

yesss!! see above with my book suggestions. I’m working on Dune right now.

4th house: what does your bedroom look like?

cozy! half messy, half not. we still have boxes we need to unpack at the foot of our bed, but I’ve decorated my dresser with a lot of memorable items—my necklace tree, photos, instax, we have a couple plants, oh and my altar is in here too!

5th house: name your favorite movie or show.

Avatar: The Last Airbender for surreeee

6th house: do you participate in community service?

not currently—while I like the idea of it, I feel like I don’t have the time or battery level with commissions and art and working full time and working out and taking care of a dog.

7th house: if you could choose, what zodiac sign would you like your dream partner to be?

man I don’t like this one, every zodiac sign has its ups and downs and further, combinations of zodiac signs are what make people truly unique—not to mention peoples’ life experiences!

8th house: do you believe in reincarnation?

yes, absolutely!

9th house: what’s your favorite quote?

not to be boring but I don’t think I have one, and I don’t really want to pull one out of my ass for the sake of answering this question. :(

10th house: are you good at public speaking?

surprisingly yes! I’ve got a good blend of professional and cracking the occasional joke.

11th house: what sign(s) is your best friend/squad?

LET’S SEE. we’ve got a cap, a gem, a gem/cancer cusp, a cancer, a libra, and a pisces.

12th house: do you like to be alone?

lmao tonight i hung out with my partner and her date and after a movie i was like “i’m gonna be a party pooper and go to bed and by go to bed I mean get on my bed and draw while listening to music” so yes, I sure do like being alone.

#personal #Anonymous

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Lux & Dash

Lux: Good pilgrim, praytell Lux: is your hair just like that or do you have a routine Lux: I must know Dash: what's yours naturally trying to hang like? I'll hit you with what's outta this world 🐤 Lux: full samara, senpai Lux: turn off the tube QUICK 🙄 Dash: 🤣 bummer Dash: 🥥 oil is far out on all hair types even 🔪🔪🔪 Dash: aloe vera will make her 💪 Dash: lemme 🤔🤔.... Dash: do you fuck with 🐣?? Lux 🙇 down at your feet, oh lord is the most high place! 🙌 Lux: the chooks here lay too many for us non-strict-vegans to get through Lux: save my hair AND cut down on our foodwaste? Lux: I will be ♕ and you will be ♚ Dash: 2 🥄 🥑 oil, same of 🥥 & aloe vera gel Dash: 2 raw 🥚 Dash: heat it & leave that baby on for time Dash: 30 mins ++++ Dash: 🚿 with whoever Lux: the CP of my hair is gonna rival Rapunzels Lux: 💃💃💃 Lux: I promise to never ever clock you with a 🍳 Dash: 💛👼👑 Dash: you'd be choice with her 🌺🌺🌺 look Lux: 😘 plant 🌱 for every 🌺 and compliment you gimme then we can talk about april showers coming earlier than anticipated☔️ Dash: right on Lux: Is your full name Dashiell/ can I call you that anyway Lux: because its really fitting and if you care to know I shall tell you for why Dash: it's not but if you're down I can be down too Lux: SO; here was my thought 🚄 climb aboard and ride the rails with me for a sec here Lux: Dash ➼ Dashiell ➼ meaning page boy ➼ page boy = ring bearer ➼ ring bearers of the One Ring ➼ Samwise Gamgee = you AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT Dash: 🤯🤯👍 Lux: I know, allow me to scoop up the remainder your 🧠 from the ceiling and put it into a handwoven jute tote for you to take home Lux: I been knew you love food as much as him, its like 1845-49 up in here after you've come around 🥔💀 Dash: tight gestures like those 👐 gotta keep you in the groove here 🥰 Dash: trust you to pick up on a royal appetite Lux: I'm the holy daughter returned, boy Lux: only eating manna from heaven, though if anyone in this place could make a 😋 cake like back home, I'd let them eat it Dash: set to call you that when I fall in with my 🎺 but do you go by anything shorter on top? Lux: Hebrews 13:2!!! Lux: so that explains where you come from Lux: more in a cloud of smoke than holy light but they could only get so many details dead on in the good book Lux: I'm Lux, of course, X if the mood takes you but I can't make it any easier for you Dash: here to make us 👀 the light, yeah? righteous 👼 Lux: The mission of making my parents proud of me again is not one I am currently embarked upon but service to God and all his creations was always their jam Lux: supposedly Lux: but if you're here to get me to renounce my sex, along with the devil and all his works (duh), oh angelic messenger, I still have to decline Dash: aere perennius is the vibe I'm picking up from you, Lux Dash: it'd be a heavy mission Lux: You owe the world a forest for that one because words like that evoke so many cardinal sins within me Dash: do you know about 🎋? Lux: Tell me Dash: it's a tanabata tree, for wishes Dash: they set the bamboo afloat on the river or on 🔥 after the festival Lux: We must participate here Lux: and one day I will go to where the festival is meant to be and you must come because you introduced me to the magic Dash: we can go to Japan, Sao Paolo or LA, they all have 'em Lux: Of course Lux: I seem to have traveled in the wrong direction Lux: to the wrong coast and onwards Dash: at least you ain't separated from your lover by a 🌌 Dash: that's the legend that goes with the festival Lux: oh Lux: how heartbreakingly beautiful Dash: but they are allowed to meet once a year on the 7th day of the 7th lunar month Dash: it's not a total downer Lux: so young Dashiell believes it is better to taste heaven but the once than to never know it at all Lux: good Lux: I like you Dash: I try & get my kicks tasting as much as I can as often as I can Dash: though yeah, once over never Lux: can't take on the 🌌 Lux: though perhaps you can, with a name like a superhero Dash: no sweat 💪 Dash: if I don't ✂ my hair off 😏 Lux: 😱 Lux: I do have weak ankles! Lux: you avoid barbers and I'll avoid heels that are taller than... Lux: five Lux: no six inches Dash: 👌👌 Dash: if you avoid any heel I'll be able to reach you way out though Dash: no 🛹 jumps 💫 Lux: YET Lux: until you remember where you parked your chariot of fire, you give me reason to kick off my heels, and I'll happily do it Dash: 💃? Lux: Both in worn levis, both in torn T-shirts Lux: of course, that's the only way Dash: there's a tanabata song, I could sing it for you Dash: the translation at least Lux: 😻🙏 Dash: it'll be a blast Lux: 🚀🌠 Dash: have you 👀🎸? Dash: mine's MIA Lux: you can borrow my girl Lux: for one song Dash: I won't hog her like a flake, digging the trust too much Lux: you can abuse my trust just go easy on Dolores Lux: she's a folksy kinda gal, if you kick it punk rock she'll 😳😩 Dash: she'll stay 🍒💖 I'm about a gentle touch Dash: what kind are you? the words are the festival's but I don't know the 🎶 Dash: I'll make it yours, like Lux: as angelic as you look Lux: a sinner can only but hope not Lux: how about you sing it for me but play it like its yours Dash: cool with me Lux: then the song can be ours Dash: I think you're unreal Dash: the most Lux: Oh, because I am Lux: and you are perfect because you know that's a compliment Dash: this fly by of yours is gonna last some time, yeah? Lux: though not compelled by God or a power higher than my own Lux: this is where I'm meant to be Dash: me too Lux: I know Lux: I divined you out of 🌟✨☀️🌌 Dash: we planting that forest to grow together or on opposite sides? Lux: one 🌎 one 💓 Dash: roots are gonna get tangled if you keep laying down your 💓 next to mine Lux: I can grow anywhere Lux: you don't need to worry about me Dash: 🌻 Dash: you're gonna make this place better, I feel it Lux: you have family here? Lux: in the commune Dash: yeah Lux: do you like it here Dash: I love it Lux: I do too Lux: its Lux: loving Dash: when did you come through? have you met every 🐤 & 🐈? cos you should meet everyone Dash: feel all the love Lux: I've been in Dublin about... a month, two Lux: feels like forever Lux: but here I'm a total 🍒 Lux: I met Hazel completely by fate at a women's health drop-in she was running a few weeks ago, told her my story and here I am Dash: farm tour 1st 🍀 tour 2nd Lux: Coming Lux: 🎸 in tow Dash: safe Lux: and sound Lux: I'm just tryna catch a mirror moment Lux: not enough, if I had any complaints but 🤫 Dash: which room's yours? I'll make space to hang another one near Dash: then the 🌙 Lux: we'll end the tour there Lux: my contribution Dash: now that's sound Lux: Do you know about me? Dash: what about you? Lux: That I don't have girl parts Lux: I won't be accused of that kind of trickery Dash: I won't accuse you of any Lux: ☺ Dash: you set the pace, I'm in it Lux: You're keeping up spectacularly Lux: now, where does my tour start? Dash: orchard Lux: 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍇🍈🍒🍑🥭 Dash: there's the best 🍏🍎 tree, easy to climb whatever shoes you're wearing Dash: you can see the whole farm from the top Lux: [Show up honey] Dash: [😍 at her we all know] Lux: [dressed hyper-femme as always and way more dressy than most here we know, doing a curtsey like 🤭] Dash: [holds out a 🍎 like he's the 🐍 & she's Eve, looking cute and tempting] Lux: [obviously taking it and taking a sassy bite] Dash: [into it obviously hand holding through this orchard tour for Winnie's sake] Lux: [gonna climb this tree] Dash: [do it kids] Lux: [gonna have to help her even though she's left the heels behind] Dash: [thankfully he's not that much of a dick that he won't, imagine just like byeeee] Lux: [😂 no one needs anyone falling out of a tree rn] Dash: [we aren't killing either of you off so just enjoy the view] Lux: ['it looks so big from up here, when you're in it, it feels...close'] Dash: ['it's big but the fam's bigger' gives her a look like you'll see, genuinely buzzing cos does love it here] Lux: [the biggest smile 'why don't you live here?'] Dash: ['my mum & dad don't, & that's their biggest drag, they ain't hip but they ain't real hassle' casually don't mention that Cosmo exists okay then] Lux: [nods 'everyone should get as much family as they can'] Dash: ['you can meet 'em too, it's cool'] Lux: [excited puppy look like really?!] Dash: ['my mum used to be a rad skater & now she sits around bench racing at her own bone yard, it's a good space to hang loose'] Lux: [just listening like no way! 'what about your dad?'] Dash: ['he's more easily bugged, we don't always vibe, but shit stays chill'] Lux: ['yeah but what did he used to be? before he got old and boring too'] Dash: ['he played football' with a shrug cos so uninterested we know] Lux: ['ooh, was he famous?'] Dash: ['not really'] Lux: ['bummer'] Dash: ['you wanna be famous?'] Lux: [is thinking like hmm 'I don't NOT want it but its not my number one all-time dream...not even top ten'] Dash: ['what is?'] Lux: [puts her index fingers to the corners of his mouth to make him smile] Dash: [laughs] Lux: ['you?'] Dash: ['I'm thinking we should start a band' shout out to Ali your lowkey grandma] Lux: [a look like um yes, how have you not and putting three fingers up to let him know its made the list] Dash: [starts to climb down like come on, so much to see] Lux: ['don't ditch me!' and running after him] Dash: [takes her all around the vegetable patches next, introducing her to any peeps they come across] Lux: [living laughing loving honestly we can skip] Dash: [imagine all the cute animals they would have, I hope none of them die in the fire I'll cry] Lux: [lmao animals usually bolt when fire so they should be fine, unless they then get hit by cars or some shit] Dash: [I'm saying they are all A okay bitch] Dash: [post tour skip] Dash: gotta hit home Dash: later? Lux: Undoubtedly 😊 Dash: we'll jam Dash: 🤔 band names Lux: I'll throw it out there Lux: I wonder if anyone can drum drum Lux: not just drum circle Lux: I'll ask that too Dash: I'm jazzed Lux: 🎺 Dash: you play the harp 👼? Lux: ☺😋💕 Lux: If only Lux: there are bass' and banjos and plenty of acoustics Lux: I'll go thrifting and see if I can find one Dash: wait for me Lux: we should see how many wild instruments we can find Lux: one for everyone Dash: your 🧠⚙️ is far out Lux: but not far enough you can't reach me Dash: 🌌 can't stop me, yeah? Lux: nope Lux: not as long as you got that hair Dash: [selfie like it's still there] Lux: Thank God Lux: don't need to 😢 today Dash: you don't need to cry any day baby Lux: Keep me smiling Dash: I've got you Dash: we all have Lux: 💕 Lux: I really thought I knew family and community before this, you know Lux: but I was wrong then and this is better Dash: right on Lux: You're adorable Dash: I've got 👀 for you too Lux: I know Lux: your 👀 are like Lux: coffee Dash: 🧠⚙💖 Dash: yours are like jumping into a river Dash: they get bluer the deeper you go Lux: oh Lux: I think I want you back here now Lux: where did you go again Dash: 🛹🗲 Dash: my parents place Dash: you wanna meet me there? Lux: I'm not in the mood to meet your parents right this second, forgive me Lux: but by the time I've finished dinner here and 🚲 over Lux: sounds good Dash: idk if they're there cos I'm not yet Lux: so we can be alone alone Lux: that'd be novel Dash: yeah Dash: it feels like so much empty space Dash: for the number of bodies who live in it Lux: do you feel lonely there Dash: nah, it's got a good feel Dash: I grew up in it Lux: That's a feel you can't buy Dash: I'll show you my 👶📸 Dash: they're wild Lux: you musta been so cute Lux: your face is still 👶 now Dash: no ✂ then either Lux: so mowgli Dash: oh no, is this a trippy topic for you? Dash: I didn't think Lux: it's okay, I like hearing about happy kids Lux: its a sin to be envious of or covet other people's happiness Dash: Lux Lux: 😊? Dash: I don't think I believe in sin Dash: so if you wanna harsh on my good vibes, you know, I won't be 😡 Lux: Oh, sin is very real, its just whether you believe you'll be punished for the sins that are written about Lux: I appreciate you but I've got nothing to be 😡 about either Lux: 🤞 Dash: you can hit me with a shut up any time Dash: I'll still dig you Lux: I enjoy our conversations Dash: yeah? Lux: absolutely Lux: you're a beautiful 🐺 boy Dash: you're the most beautiful 🦊 Lux: never stone cold Dash: nah, the hottest Lux: I feel it Dash: 👍 it's the mood you gotta stay in Lux: with you around, that shouldn't be a problem Dash: we'll keep vibing Lux: did you like it Dash: you want me to say what I know you could tell Dash: I'll write you a 🎶 Lux: First hit for the band? Lux: I'll be famous after-all Dash: I've been listening Dash: I understand what you want Lux: and you're gonna give it to me Dash: that's my action for sure Lux: roll 20 please Dash: come be alone with me Lux: dash dash dash Lux: you're so pretty and fun and cool and I want you again Dash: [sends her the deets to where his house is] Lux: so far Lux: I must like you huh 😏 Dash: yeah it's a drag where I live Dash: but it's new heights that you like me Dash: 🚀💕 Lux: why wouldn't I? Dash: idk Dash: do you know about me? Lux: I know enough to like you Lux: what do you think would make me unlike you Lux: let's compare Dash: it's not all laid back the shit that other girls say Lux: you're a 💔 Dash: I'm not out here making a game of it like that Dash: but it's happened for real Lux: Oh dear Dashiell Lux: my heart was broken long before I got here Lux: and I've had to severe and untangle roots so much deeper than yours could ever be Lux: I told you, there's no need to worry about me, you can't hurt me Dash: that's fucked up Lux: Perhaps Dash: can I make it any better? Lux: no Lux: but that's okay Lux: now is better, there's no need to fix what's been Dash: I wasn't being plastic before, you're home now Lux: I feel it Lux: I have no choice but to give up my old definition but I'm less scared and 😢 at the prospect of the redefinition now, forced though it was Dash: it'll be okay Dash: we'll make it happen that it's only that Dash: or like better Lux: you're not a bad person Lux: I can tell Dash: if I'm someone you like, I'm cool with it Lux: good Lux: I need people right now, you know Dash: everyone at the farm, they'll be what you need Dash: they are for me Lux: what do you need them for? Dash: a blast Dash: my other fam want me to change some shit I do Lux: 🚀👌 Lux: I get that Lux: is it stuff you can't change or don't wanna Dash: idk if I recognise the difference Lux: sounds like a can't, then Dash: stepping into new 👟 feels like a bad scene Dash: I fuck with the ones I've worn in Lux: That's up to you Lux: I like new shoes Lux: maybe they're just worried your feet are getting all scrunched outta place Dash: yours are groovy though Dash: not handed down Dash: they fit you Lux: I had to steal 'em though Lux: and when my dad found 'em they sent me away Dash: a 🦊 like I said Lux: have you seen the fox and the hound? Dash: nah Dash: it's disney yeah? Lux: Yep Lux: I'm gonna make you watch it Dash: I'm about netflix & chill Lux: We'll chill first Lux: its real sad Lux: 😭 Dash: I be trying to chill with you nonstop though Dash: how bad do you want me to 👀 at things other than you Lux: 🤭 Lux: maybe your cinematic education can wait Lux: if we're truly to make the most of alone alone time Dash: lay it on me that I'm an ugly crier another day Dash: we're making beautiful things happen Lux: you're Lux: just like Lux: seraphic Dash: around you, I gotta be Lux: nu-uh Lux: I can't tell Lux: I fell out of God's favour like a long time ago Dash: you can tell Dash: you're still 👼 Dash: the fallen ones were the most beautiful anyway, yeah? Dash: god's a jealous 🐈 Lux: All angels are beautifulc Lux: and genderless actually, like God Lux: beyond our limited understanding, better Dash: cool Lux: for them Lux: its self-idolatry if you want it for yourself Lux: 🚫 Dash: if I want you for myself, what sin is that? Lux: you actually wanna know? 'cos I've always thought this particular subset of sins sounds unintentionally hot Dash: I'm listening intently Lux: peccata clamantia Lux: The sins that cry to Heaven for Vengeance 🤤 Lux: they're the ones that God will deliver his justice upon, lots of people only know about the seven deadly Lux: but they're the least serious, actually Dash: shit Lux: guess that's why it feels so good Lux: shall we? Dash: 🌌 & god trying to stop us but I'm 💪 Lux: you want me Dash: yeah Lux: then you can have me Dash: show up Lux: I am Lux: ⏲ Dash: right now though Lux: if only my bike had wings Dash: that can be your festival wish Dash: mine too cos I've waited fucked up amounts of time for you Lux: 💡 Lux: your mind, boy Lux: though patience is evidently not your virtue, I'm not mad about it Lux: at all Dash: idc about virtues if you're a sin Lux: you're making me all pink Dash: it's a beautiful colour for you Lux: you're the loveliest 🐺 I've ever known Dash: I wanna be Lux: you are baby Dash: you're like a song I can't get out of my head Dash: & it's the most Dash: I'm so connected to every word Lux: You make me feel really...high but it that warm, soft focus way where there's no bad thoughts or feelings at all, no doubt or regret or shame creeping in, just the good washing over you again and again, like that split-second after you cum but Lux: prolonged Lux: its crazy, you're crazy Dash: we can live in it Lux: lets Dash: I'm in Lux: 🎡🎢🎠 Dash: 🎪🤹 Lux: 🤡 Dash: 🦁🐯 Lux: 🐘 Dash: 🍿 Lux: 🥜 Dash: 🐿️ Lux: 😱 Lux: how could you Mr Squirell Dash: he's gotta eat Lux: He could've just asked Dash: he don't know you like that Dash: thought you'd say nah Dash: I tried to persuade him he wasn't right on & you're 👍 but I must not 🗨🐿 Lux: 😂 Lux: he's more than likely from my homeland, I'll speak to him Lux: can't understand your accent Dash: gabh mo leithscéal Lux: 🤗 what did you say?! Dash: pardon me Dash: is 🗨🍀 on your list? Lux: I've always wanted to Lux: no one at my father's church really spoke it Lux: or would teach me if they did Lux: will you? Dash: my mum taught me Dash: hers never spoke it either Dash: your turn to bring me an 🍎 Dash: but yeah Lux: 😣 damn Lux: someone else here might, I've heard loads of languages flying about Dash: eu também sei português Dash: also from that side of the fam Lux: I 👀 that Dash: Arlo & his brother & sisters are my cousins Lux: Ahh Lux: that's cool Lux: they're so cute Dash: there's many more but they don't live at the farm Dash: you have to catch 'em when they fly by Lux: I'll be sure to do that Lux: do they all have lots of kids, how are there so many Lux: no offense Dash: started with 11 Dash: & most of 'em had 👶s Lux: ELEVEN Lux: 🤔💡 Lux: are you mormons? Dash: 🌼 children ☮ Dash: it was a big-ish fam before that though 👵 had 8 Dash: & she's no hippie Lux: why are you an only-child? Dash: I'm not Dash: I've got an older brother Lux: oh, me too! Lux: he's 13 years older Lux: I was a miracle mistake baby Lux: where's yours Dash: at ⚽ training I think Dash: that's his bag Lux: oh he's not 👴 Lux: you didn't mention him before Dash: he's 18 months + on me Dash: but we're in different 🌌 Lux: I feel you Lux: it musta been nice when you were kids though Lux: I loved when there were kids in the congregation but people always moved on, from God or physically Dash: nah, it's been hassle from the jump Dash: he's 🏆🥇💪 Dash: I'm 💫🚀👀 Lux: you don't like him huh Dash: he's a drag Dash: we're usually jiving 🥊 there's no ☮ & 💓 Dash: messes with my equilibrium Lux: You gotta protect yourself Lux: I get it Dash: I knew you would Lux: 'course Lux: its the same with my brother and my mom Lux: they still 💓 me but they can't see me Dash: do you 💓 'em? Lux: oh of course Lux: they're my family Dash: do you wish you could see 'em? Lux: I wish I still lived with them Lux: but I understand why I can't Dash: do you get to 🗨? Lux: no Dash: can't you? if your dad didn't find out? Lux: No Lux: not unless I'm going to make efforts, make changes Lux: and I can't and that's two eternal sins Lux: at least Lux: could make a case for 3 Lux: so they have to turn away, you see Lux: they all love me but there's nothing they can do until I do Dash: I'm sorry Dash: that everything's so heavy for you Lux: you don't need to be sorry Lux: not your transgressions Dash: but I don't want you to change Dash: & idc if it's a sin Lux: you're sweet Lux: they just want to save me from hell Dash: we're gonna have to live forever Dash: to save you Lux: We better find the philosopher's stone Lux: or the fountain of youth Dash: the 🐿 will help Dash: he digs you now Lux: he's a wizard Lux: knew it 😏 Dash: most animals have magic Lux: true facts Dash: 🦊s who are unreal 👼s especially Lux: you're such a flirt Lux: 😋 Dash: yeah 😏 Dash: that's my magic 😍💖 Lux: I can't disagree Dash: 💭😘 Lux: you can dream 'til I get there Dash: I'm 👀 for your 🚲 Lux: I'm meant to be up on the balcony, not you Lux: love some role reversal Dash: yo don't be on the rebound, Romeo 💔 Lux: awh you jealous Dash: 🤣 Dash: of someone you forget at the start of the play as soon as you 🕰 me? nah baby Dash: but it's salty to the other 💘 Lux: It saves her life Lux: she's fine, honestly, thriving Dash: okay then yeah, I am jealous Dash: of her thrive Lux: poor boy Dash: it's no bummer, like Dash: she ain't gonna be immortal, that's me & you Dash: our fam Lux: there's only so much magic to go around Dash: however much there is, we gotta use it right Lux: 🎺 that's holy decree Dash: & royal 👑 Lux: okay sweet prince Lux: 🤭 Dash: if I go solo from the band, there's an outta sight name Lux: you could do so many covers 💜 Dash: it'd be groovy Dash: but I ain't leaving the group Lux: not before its started Lux: have some loyalty, boy Dash: yo not ever Lux: we gonna do a blood oath Dash: use your hair as a 🔪 before the 🥑 & 🥥 hits Dash: or the ✂ I don't Lux: 😂 you're horrible Lux: and its far too limp for that Dash: nah your hair is 💣 Lux: ☺ Lux: really Dash: yeah Lux: it grew quite fast Dash: 🔮✨ Lux: I'm gonna grow it as long as I can Dash: there might be a better recipe Dash: I'll 🗨 to every 🐤 on the farm Lux: I wish I had curls like them too Lux: most of them Lux: alas Dash: you can borrow mine Lux: you're the bestest friend in the whole 🌌 Dash: 🤞🤝👐 Lux: let down your long hair then Lux: I think I've arrived Dash: [let her in and give her a house tour boy] Lux: [we clearly need Cosmo to come back like Dash did in that convo jussayin] Dash: [payback tbh so yeah we do] Lux: [she'd just be chatting up a storm, awks] Dash: [casually steer her to your room as fast as you can like] Lux: [just being like wanna come watch fox and the hound lmao] Dash: [she's so cute bye] Lux: [at least Cosmo won't be rude to you, even if he is like umm] Dash: [just thinks she's high probably] Lux: [most likely] Dash: [rude but fair] Lux: [when is your brother not as far as you're concerned] Dash: [exactly dr phil] Lux: [anything else we wanna though?] Dash: [we know what's up I think we can post it]

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #472

“we don’t deal with outsiders very well / they say newcomers have a certain smell”

Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah; he has one son and a daughter. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? I don't. I'm selfish with my alone time, and I want to live for me. I don't want to essentially hand over my life for someone else, give my all for them, and then I wind up not being enough. I don't want the financial burden. I don't want to be responsible for another human being. There are so, so many reasons I don't want kids. Does a career in finance sound interesting to you? Noooot at all. When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, but you also wouldn't catch me dead cooking beans. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? No. What’s something that’s been bothering you lately? I've been pushing it to the back of my mind to avoid panicking, so I probably shouldn't even talk about it, but I worry quite a bit that Girt will eventually leave me because of me not being "adult" enough, like having a job, a car, knowing how to do basic adult stuff... you know. I don't feel like he will, given just how devoutly he's been by my side since HS, and especially now that we're together, I'm working harder towards those goals, but still. I worry it'll happen. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? I've never had a severe one. What was the last show you binge-watched? Psych with Girt. I quite liked it. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What’s something that bothers you more and more as you get older? Political issues. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Girt. What is your favourite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Just your normal tomato sauce. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? ... In my bed. :x Do you think your ex ever loved you? Yes. Have you ever had a filling? For my teeth? Yes. Should tattoos be meaningful? Get a tattoo for whatever reason you please. It doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful, no. Do you think wisteria trees look cool? Get a wisteria tree. Do you like to eat strawberries? Get a strawberry. There doesn't need to be a big story. Do certain times of the year remind you of certain people? Yes. January is like... all about Jason in my head because within that month is his birthday and our former anniversary. Are there any negative points to being in a relationship? Uh, there's probably something. What the most recent good news you’ve heard? Just today actually I got a phone call about some genetic testing I had done to see if I carried the malfunctioning gene my mother has that makes her more prone to certain types of cancer. My sisters and I all got tested, and all three of us are good! Our pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer risks are the same as your average person walking down the street. Would you hug your bf/gf’s best friend? I don't know his best friend. I don't think I would upon just meeting him, though. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Mom wouldn't care less, while I don't really know about my dad. Not that it would matter what he thought. Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? NO NO NO NO NEVER DO THIS. I have to be mentally prepared for company. How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I really, really love him. It's funny how wildly my emotions flipped from platonic to romantic with him just by giving it some deep thought. How close are you to the last person you hung out with? Can you be your complete self around them? We're very close, and yes. I'm still extremely shy for him to know some things, but ultimately, I'd tell him a whole lot. Is music a daily part of your life? Usually, anyway. Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yes. Did you do anything sexual last night? Naw. Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? Doubt it, he's been in at least one serious relationship before. Ever want a monkey as a pet? I would absolutely fucking never, even if it was moral and possible to give them all they need as a pet. I've never been that into monkeys, anyway. What’s the scariest bug you’ve ever seen? I've seen a massive stag beetle at least once and it was such a fuck no. Do you think it’s alright if people baby talk to babies? Yes...? They're unfamiliar with the world and need gentleness to establish trust and a positive bond in general. There is nothing wrong with treating babies like, well, babies. Ever take a nap in a hammock? I don't believe I've ever fallen asleep in one, but I definitely used to just chill out and close my eyes on the one we used to have at my old place, under the shade of the trees. Who’s the best character in Rugrats? I don't have an opinion on this, surprisingly. I adored that show as a kid and had two video games for it. Pop-Tarts or Toaster Struddels? The latter. But both are tasty. Ever want to make out with someone, anyone, didn’t matter who? Er, no. I have to love you. Smack someone on the ass lately? This question is worded so uncomfortably lmao but no. Someone smack your ass lately? Still an uncomfortable question but no. Do you like puppies more than adult dogs? They're cute, but no. Adult dogs are generally calmer and actually know where to use the bathroom. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I plan on dyeing my hair for a loooong time if it's something extra I can afford. Is there a historical figure you find interesting? If so, who? The first person who came to mind was Pharaoh Hatshepsut. Girl power, man. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I guess maybe my dad having done serious drugs for a while. I don't know if anyone would've told me that as a kid. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? I've never vandalized, period. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? SPICY SHRIMP FRITAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS <3 What is in the back seat of your car right now? I have no idea what's in the back of Mom's car, actually. I don't pay attention. What was the last thing you threw up? I'd assume whatever I had for dinner with the medication that made me vomit. What color is your mom’s hair? Since chemo, it was growing back completely gray, so now she dyes it black. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? Yeah, no. Not even entertaining this. I'd rather die. If you swapped genders for a day, how would you spend it? Ha, it's weird, the first thing that came to mind was "how would I look in makeup?" because men in makeup can look like fuckin babes so I guess that's what I'm doing lmaooo. Have you ever been to see stand-up comedy? No, but I would. I think it sounds fun. Have you ever been in a submarine? No, but that'd be cool. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. I wish. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Ohio. Have you ever appeared on YouTube? lkajsd;lkfjae yes Have you ever planted a tree? An apple tree, yes. Which celebrity do you find the most annoying? I don't care. Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? She can animate pretty darn well! Have you ever written a song? Guys when I was a little kid I wrote a song to the Nintendogs theme fucking kill me Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? My grampa on Dad's side used to, but he's deceased now. He would do that for me and my sisters, and I always thought it was so wild, because it was like, a lot, and this man barely knew us at all because of how far away my dad's family is. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? No. Do you know anybody who has a birthday in November? I mean I'm sure I do, but no one off the top of my head that I know well, anyway. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? Ghostface bc I've been afraid of him since I was a kid, and I HATE knives. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know if I have a favorite. He's also just in so many movies though that I could never think of all of them. Have you ever been abused by a police officer? Yikes, no. Do you know anyone who is very ignorant? Boy, do I. I know plenty. When was the last time someone said something mean and offensive to you? I don't know, and I'd rather not try to remember. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? ?????????????????????????? NO????????????????????????? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT????????????????????????????????? Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight. Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier obvs, Rhett & Link are a pair channel, so I count them as one unit, and uhhh just one more... Snake Discovery/Emily & Ed. I could hang with them, man. What makes you more creative? Music. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? Yeah, one person. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? My sister Misty. She's making me this really cool Halloween-y wreath to keep on my door year-round. She's really good with crafts and is making some beautiful ones. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? I'd rather keep it private, but the general gist is just realizing how much I love someone again. Were you raised religious? Yes. Didn't stick. Never felt "right" or "at home" in any religion. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope I would. I feel like growing up poor, it could go either way. I do THINK I'd use it pretty wisely, at least. Maybe go a bit too hard into things I seriously love (like tattoos), but then be really stingy in other areas. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? In general, yes. My favorites are still all shades and tints of red. Got any nicknames that you rarely even use? Not nicknames I use nowadays, no. Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I’m fine being female. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Absolutely, because of how little I've accomplished. Based on your running speed, what animal would you be? Like, a tortoise probs. :^) Can you read in public? Only if it's quiet. Pokemon, Digimon, GI JOE, Barbies, or other? Pokemon, duh. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? Not having a job, to name one thing. Are you any good at science? I've always been really good at (most) science, actually. Like language arts, it's just something that naturally "clicks" for me. Do you go on any forums on the net? Just KM right now. Got any secrets you honestly can’t say to anyone? It's not that I can't, like I don't have any deep, dark secrets that would rock someone's world if they knew, there are just things I'm never sharing. Believe in voodoo? Nah. What’s something you’ve tried really hard at? To be a decently successful photographer, but let's not get me started on that travesty. :^)

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''heathens'' by twenty one pilots

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storyunrelated · 6 years

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Proper Schooling - Houses

The idea with Olivia is for her to come across as salty and exasperated.

The idea for Andrew is for him to come across as monotone and dead inside.

Smoking features, as I wanted some fantastical drugs - like in that shitty thing I did, Breadbasket - and as opposed to popping pills or shooting up, smoking gives Olivia something to do with her hands.

Which is super-useful in a non-visual medium.

“Andrew?”

“Hmm?”

“What the hell are these?”

Olivia was holding a carton she’d found in one of the many, many disused rooms in Wrackit Block. On the front of the carton was a proud, bold Bowport Wood crest complete with a motto that Olivia could not understand and did not care about. It looked to have been written in Latin by someone who did not know any Latin.

“Why are there cigarettes in a school? I mean, I can guess why they’d be here - fuckin’ kids love smoking - but these are, like, officially marked and everything,” she said, turning the box over in her hands and giving it a rattle. From the sounds of things it was about halfway full. “Probably bootleg or something…” She mumbled, though the appeal of bootleg, school-branded cigarettes was beyond her, like most things in Bowport Wood.

“No, those are officially distributed. Not cigarettes, either. Sonamburettes,” Andrew said. Olivia looked up from the box at him hoping against hope that he was just pulling her leg. Looking at him, it was impossible to tell. Not for the first time time Olivia reckoned that Andrew could make a fortune playing poker.

“Sonamburettes,” she said, holding the box. His expression remained unchanged. “Fucking honestly? That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve heard in two hours. Tell me you’re joking.”

He shook his head.

“That is what they are called. Their use is not official condoned but they have a place in Bowport Wood culture. They operate by shunting tiredness and the need for sleep across all possible versions of the person smoking them.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“You smoke them and you do not feel tired, instead all other possible versions of you across all possible versions of the world feel a tiny bit tired instead.”

Olivia stared down at the box again, this time with a sense of awe.

“For real?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“How come I’ve never heard of anything like this before?”

“Because they are illegal outside of Bowport Wood. And inside it, actually. Just no-one enforces it here.”

“That sounds great,” she said, marveling at the carton.. Then she blinked. “Wait. These are officially distributed - by the school - but they’re also illegal in the school?”

Andrew nodded.

“The departments involved do not talk to each other.”

“No shit.”

An idea was forming in Olivia’s head and even though she knew it was bad one she couldn't make it go away. Every sensible lesson she’d learnt in life was telling her no but her urge to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted was rising.

“You, uh - you reckon these are still good to go?”

“They are said to last a long time,” Andrew said, unhelpfully. Olivia flipped the box a few times.

“The place I found ‘em was dusty but the box wasn’t so I figure someone must have come in here and just left them,” she said. She hoped this was true. Certainly, it sounded convincing when she said it out loud.

“Plausible,” Andrew said.

“Wouldn’t hurt to try just one, right?”

“It might. It might not.”

Olivia glared at him.

“Why would you even bother saying that?” She asked, flipping the lid at last and opening up the already-ripped foil within to fish one out to have a look. To all appearances they were just cigarettes, though with the filter tipped in an offensively electric blue. She gave the one in her hand a sniff but it didn’t really smell of anything at all. Did make her feel oddly off-balance for a split second, to her surprise. She sniffed again and the same thing happened.

“Weird,” she muttered, biting the bullet and putting the thing between her lips before giving Andrew a significant look that he managed to successfully interpret.

Andrew, naturally, had a light and passed it over to Olivia. She squinted at it.

“‘For valiant and commendable service’?” She read.

“It is not mine,” he said. Olivia wasn’t going to press the issue. Flicking the thing open and sheltering the tip of the sonamuberrete with her free hand she got it lit, calling on her illicit behind-the-bike-sheds experience and then handing the lighter back.

“These aren’t going to have some horrible side-effect are they? Not setting myself up for some inventive and excruciating death years from now? No tobacco in these?” She asked after an experimental puff, letting the thing now dangle from her fingers.

“No tobacco. There have been no studies conducted that show side-effects relating to the active ingredients.”

Olivia regarded the quietly smoking stick. What a bad example she was setting for herself. She’d have words with herself later.

“Well that’s reassuring,” she said, shrugging and taking another drag. Problems were things future-Olivia had to worry about anyway. Present-Olivia was the one feeling less tired with every puff and finding the feeling surprisingly wonderful. They were definitely, tangibly working. Even her imagination wasn’t powerful enough to make her feel more awake. She looked at the thing again only this time with amazement.

“Holy crap they actually work. I feel pretty good.”

“They are popular.”

“I can see why! Any other illegal, dimension-abusing drugs they got going around here?”

“Several. I could get you a pamphlet.”

“If you have the time, please.”

She was only half-joking.

Casting around for somewhere to sit she pulled over the nearest, most-intact chair and flopped onto it. The chair held her weight which was reassuring. Rocking back, she put her feet up onto a desk and put her hands behind her head, puffing and feeling very pleased with herself.

“Are we doing anything today or what?” She asked.

“No. I had planned on using today to further inform you about Bowport Wood, to better prepare you.”

“Thrilling. Sounds like a plan. What’s on the lesson plan for today then, chief?”

Andrew took a step back and banged his fist on the wall. A chunk of the ceiling collapsed and a flipchart fell from the room above, landing perfectly and wobbling only briefly before settling into place. Andrew gave it a quick dust before turning back to Olivia who was still wafting bits of drifting masonry away from her face.

“I will now explain to you the school houses, said Andrew,” said Andrew. He pulled a book from somewhere inside his jacket but wasn’t looking at it. Olivia blinked at him in confusion for a moment before figuring out what it was he was talking about. That he had actually said ‘said Andrew’ had thrown her.

“Oh right. Houses. Like, for sports day and shit. Not like, you know. Buildings. I get it.”

“Yes and no. Some of the houses I am about to tell you about did start out as formal School Houses, but some also did not. Think of these more as power blocs. Entities within the larger framework of the school who wield a certain level of material influence. Quasi-official and unofficial.”

Olivia rubbed her face. She was regretting asking him what the plan was for the day.

“What?” She asked through her fingers.

Andrew did not stop to explain what he’d meant meant. Instead, he flipped a page in the book with his thumb and continued not to look at it.

“The most prominent house you should consider is the Van Reuymans,” he said, producing a marker and writing out ‘Van Reuymans’ on the flipchart. He circled it for emphasis.

“Okay,” Olivia said, face still in her hands. “What’s their deal?”

“In broad terms, the Van Reuymans provide biological material for the school.”

Olivia grimaced. Nothing involved ‘biological material’ was ever a good time.

“That sounds incredibly dubious. Could you maybe give me an example?”

“Rip Van Reuyman - the head of the house by default - produces the organs and control interfaces that go into the Prefects. There are also Van Reuyman organ banks for those pupils that need them but most prefer synthetic replacements, largely down to superstition. Van Reuyman house also supplies Bowport Wood with drudges.”

Olivia winced from the splatter of information being directed her way.

“Drudges?” She asked. Prefects she could imagine, though why they’d need outside sources for organs was something she felt best left alone for now. There was probably a reason. Maybe even a good one.

“You will have seen drudges already. They attend to the tasks that are required for the everyday maintenance and running of the school. Cooking in the main canteens, upkeep of the grounds, running of the fusion furnaces and so on.”

‘Upkeep of the grounds’ was stretching it given the state of the place and the way almost all the plants had long-since died. Lawns should not, for example, be grey. But Olivia had indeed seen one or two drudges doing watering the lawns all the same and also hitting trees with sticks which she supposed counted as gardening of a sort. She hadn’t known what they were called at the time, but drudges seemed to fit.

“Oh yeah, the little dudes in the black rubber? With the pipes?”

“Those. Yes.”

“Must get hot under all that,”

“Undoubtedly. Van Reuymans also constitute their own class of pupil, as Rip Van Reuyman has many sons. Most of his sons are common sons and are unremarkable. They do not do much. He has a group of favoured sons, however, who are afforded a certain level of fatherly affection and modification. All van Reuymans should be avoided as they are - quote - ‘bastards’.”

There didn’t seem to be anything else Andrew was going to say. Olivia took a drag and rocked her chair backwards and forwards a few times as she mulled over what she’d just learnt, wondering how cool she looked

“Alright. Let me just go over this. Rip Van Reuyman: important guy who runs the Van Reuyman house which churns out...meat that gets shoved into Prefects and little dudes who do the gardening?”

“So to speak, yes.”

“And also he has lots of regular sons?”

“Hundreds, yes.”

“And a few special sons?”

“Less than hundreds and modified, yes.”

“And I should do my best to avoid all of them because they’re all deeply unpleasant?”

“Bastards, yes.”

Puff puff. Rock rock.

A week ago Olivia had been worried about somehow wearing her trousers backwards for a whole day. Now she was learning about this. Things moved quickly.

“Good. Great. Glad I got that sorted. Carry on,” she said, waving a regal hand. Andrew did as he was told.

He ran through a good two dozen such houses. They started out sounding fairly important and properly organised like the Ven Reuymans and the Technologista (who actually made the rest of the Prefects, apparently) and other august bodies which provided actual, tangible services to the school before the list quickly descended into describing loose conglomerations of pupils who were joined together by their love of being ‘assertive’ or who ‘held a passion for the gathering of knowledge’ and it was at that point Olivia’s patience ran out.

“You’re making this shit up,” she said, waving her arms in naked frustration. Andrew, who by now was running out of space on the flipchart, looked at her blankly.

“I am not.”

“There’s seriously a large enough gathering pupils who hold ‘a passion for the gathering of knowledge’ that they’ve become a distinct entity?”

Andrew nodded.

“And they’re recognised as a distinct entity?”

He nodded again.

“And do they get anything done? Does anyone listen to them?”

“Whether they feel they get anything done is up to them. As they are not an officially recognised school house or part of the administration no-one listens to them, no.”

“So what the fuck is the point?”

He looked at his chart again, as though it might contain an answer to this question. It did not, so he looked back at Olivia again none the wiser.

“I am unsure that there is a point. Having a point does not appear to be the point, from what I have read on the subject. Being with others who share similar interests was a recurring stated motivation. People do not typically like being put into boxes. However, they are more than willing to get into a box that they feel themselves is a comfortable fit. Rather like cats,” Andrew said.

Olivia mouthed the word ‘what’ at him, too tired now for words. Andrew continued:

“People want to belong. So they find a place that they feel looks like they will fit into. Then they go into this place. This place has other people like them. They now belong. Hence houses.”

“Oh. I get it. I think?” Olivia said, cocking her head at him. He shrugged.

“I do not really get it, personally. These gatherings seem unnecessary and arbitrary to me. But people do seem to work better around like-minded peers. For whatever reason.”

This was not the part that Olivia had not got, but then again she and Andrew were clearly coming at this from two completely different angles. She found the concept of arbitrary groupings of pupils coming together and acting important when they weren’t to be a bit pointless. Andrew plainly had difficulty with the concept of why anyone would want to spend time with anyone else in the first place. She felt it best to just let it slide for now.

“So these little ones down here are kind of like...clubs. And houses run from big-dick important ones that can actually get results down to bunches of people who just want to hang out with other people like them to give their lives some structure and purpose,” Olivia said, sweeping her hand from the top to the bottom of Andrew’s crowded flipchart. He looked over his writing again to see if he’d missed anything but apparently he hadn’t.

“If you like,” he said.

“Well that’s how I’m going to hold it in my head.”

Already Olivia was putting together a clearer picture of how Bowport Wood operated. It wasn’t a prettier picture, but it was less confused than it had been when she’d woken up that day and she counted that as a win. The idea that someone - anyone - could exercise some control over the place seemed laughable, but at the same time strangely comforting.

If there were people who made things happen then that meant that things could happen, ergo you could make them happen yourself, too. The world wasn’t quite as scary when you realised that, she felt.

Finishing the sonamburette she stubbed out what remained of it on a nearby desktop and flicked it out through a hole in the wall where presumably there’d once been a window. She felt wide awake now, though in a way that was new and oddly euphoric. Idly, she wondered how all the other potential hers across all the other potential worlds were doing. Alright, hopefully.

“This place starts to make a kind of sense,” she said, standing up and straightening herself out. Andrew bobbed his head.

“As you say.”

#Proper schooling #Amwriting #Writblr #Writeblr #Writing

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paniccord-ff · 7 years

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33.

Watching Game of Thrones with Mijo on the bus but my mind is on Rylee, she played me and jumped on the other bus and had me searching for her to only find out she went on EJs bus. I can’t believe how calm my bus is now, there is only Mijo and I on this bus. I didn’t realise is at the time but I do now, I had so much trash on my bus. Rylee been working and got every nigga off this bus, at the end of the day the only person I got is Mijo because even family can do me wrong besides my mom. I am still thinking who the hell put that shit in my drink, I am now thinking Aaron because I talked to Sinko and he denies it and said Aaron wanted to switch places but why would Aaron do something like that, I am leaving it now because shit is getting too deep for me. I am not going to say anything to Rylee because that’s my family and it is pretty fucked up “you know what Mijo, ain’t it convenient that Rylee’ and I’ anniversary is just after Christmas. That means I have to buy double things” picking at my stubble “I think it is a blessing you remember that date, you are so deep in love fool but you know what. You don’t need to buy gifts, park your car in a chick-fil-a order some food and chill in the car together, perfect” shaking my head laughing at Mijo “you done that before haven’t you?” looking at him “fuck yeah bro, but what I am trying to say. Do something romantic. Women are easily pleased, it’s not all about gifts” he has a point, Mijo is on to something here.

Rylee denies that she is the loud one but she is, I am on my third episode of Game of Thrones, she never lets me watch anything. She either laying on top of me and her hair is all in my face or she is bitching about someone “if you had to be on one side, who side would you be on?” Mijo asked, I paused thinking “mhmmm, you know what. I would be with the Dragon queen, just because she got Dragons and also, I can dick her down and be her bitch” Mijo busted out laughing “ooh shit, we are the same people. I was thinking the same, I would want to fuck Daenery so bad, she a bad bitch” nodding my head “she is, you think we would have Dragon babies then?” Mijo went silent “the fuck do you watch? Unless you fucking the dragon, y’all would have normal human babies fool” letting out an oh “stupid nigga” I feel stupid now “but it would be dope, imagine it. Your kids are Dragons” I think that shit is pretty dope to me.

Hearing EJs voice and music blaring in the background, looking over at Mijo “they on IG live bro” Mijo said smiling, grabbing my phone from the side of me “is Rylee there?” I asked unlocking my phone “yeah, can we keep her there though. She deserves to be on a bus that is full of bitches” tapping on EJs live tab “I miss her though” the connection connected, rolling my eyes seeing EJ’ face ‘move your face’ I typed in the box, EJ rolled his eyes mad hard “you niggas must be that bored, come on here abusing and shit. Fuck y’all” EJ spat, seeing my female dancers doing what they do best and dance. Their bus is actually kind of lit, EJ smirked “go, go, go, go Rylee. Twerk that shit, werk that shit. Yess” my smile soon faded ‘show me!’ pressing send, EJ turned around “yess bitch!! Werk it” Mijo and I looked at each other “we on the wrong bus nigga” Mijo spat, these girls are in a row working “ayeee” one of them started throwing money “Rylee can move bro” I feel a stab of jealousy, I want to be there “now fuck you” EJ said before disconnecting, shaking my head.

Sighing out thanking god we in Houston now, come to think of it I need to do Christmas shopping. My last date is in VA so that is good “are we here?” looking up at the windows and seeing bushes “we being pulled over” my driver said, looking at Mijo in confusion. Getting up from the seat and walking down to the front “by who?” seeing the police in front “oh my god, why?” pressing my phone to my ear calling EJ, know Rylee she will be still dancing her ass off “you going to be mean to me again?” he said down the phone “nah, where y’all? I just been pulled up by police” the two officers got out of the car “shut up, really?” disconnecting the phone, I ain’t got shit on this bus so I am good “my driver opened the door” I hate the police “officer” I said looking away in annoyance “I don’t have anything on this bus, I am just going to my concert” he looked at Mijo and I “get off the bus, we need to search the bus” shaking my head “nah, you don’t have the right too and I don’t have anything on here” is this guy being real “either do it the easy way or the hard way, now get off and hands above your head as you walk off” looking at Mijo in shock “just do it bro” Mijo said “yes bro, now get off” the second officer is laughing which is really pissing me off, walking off slowly “hands above your head! You heard him!” he spat in my face “fuck you!” I shouted, Mijo jumped in front of me “woah! Woah! No, just no! We going” Mijo dragged me off the bus.

Mijo just wants it to happen but I am angry and don’t want them on my bus “I don’t want you to get hurt Chris, just cool it yeah. We know there is nothing on the bus” he said in a whisper “fuck them, I am so pissed off” shaking my head “your girl is there” Mijo pointed, where the fuck did Rylee come from. She closed the car door and rushed to me “what you doing?” I didn’t expect her to be here “EJ told me, I got off the bus and got a taxi back here. What do they want?” I shrugged, seeing them both get off the bus “where did the female come from? Very pretty, so we had a phone call about your bus. Saying it had fire arms and drugs but clearly not. Maybe not this bus, maybe we need to check every bus” pulling Rylee behind me “officer, you can search them but I don’t have anything like that” that officer keep checking my girl out I will beat his ass “we will, watch it Mr Brown. Nobody likes you very much to be calling something like this on you” he said walking off, what was that supposed to mean.

“Everything is there still, I checked everything and nothing was planted. I will check it again” I don’t know what he meant by that, someone called them on me or something “see what I mean, I be minding my business all the time and then this happens, like what the fuck. I am happy and keeping myself to myself, I just want to be left alone” Mijo sat across me “just keep minding your business bro, I am so happy for you. I am happy Rylee is with you and I am happy you are this person, calm and collected about shit. You ready to settle down and be happy just keep doing it, you winning bro. Your past will never go but the thing you can do is just remain good” Mijo is right, but shit gets on my nerves “Sinko be trying to tell me that Aaron put something in my drink, I don’t know anymore” Mijo laughed “your own cousin would do you like that?” Mijo shook his head “don’t even think it, he twisting shit. Let it go and move on, leave them behind” someone legit called the police on me for nothing.

I just realised that we don’t have much time to actually prepare for Christmas but Chris has his last tour date today in VA, he is staying behind in VA for a few days and I am making my way to New Jersey, he let me go but expects me back for Christmas, I didn’t bother ringing my mom about it. I am just going to drop off my gifts to them and stay with them for a few days and leave. Chris said he will wait because he wants us to do the Christmas tree together so I really need to go back. Chris made me bring poor Joe, I don’t really need him because I will be just at home but he is here now “what do you think I should get Chris? I really don’t know” I have been thinking on this for a while “sex” Joe openly said, giggling at Joe “but we always have that, I need to think of something different but cute” looking out of the jet window “Chris is easily pleased Rylee, anything you do will make him happy” he has a point but I want to do something really sweet for him.

My family don’t know I am coming back today, I just thought fuck it and surprise them. There is really nothing I can do, I can’t really go and see them after Christmas Day because it’s the overseas tour so I can’t. I go with my man wherever he goes, I know my mom would have done the same with my dad. Walking behind Joe to the SUV “leave your case here I will put it in the trunk, get in the car” leaving my suitcase at the side and opened the SUV door, hearing my phone ring in my bag. Grabbing my phone from my bag and answering the call, I should have looked at the caller I.D but stupid me didn’t “Hello, is this Rylee Turner?” the guy said on the phone “uh yeah” Joe got in the car “it’s Mark from Wilhelmina” my mouth hung open “uh hi” I don’t know what else to say “it must be a little shocking to you to get this phone call but I want to invite you to my office in the UK, I heard you will be overseas then. I will email Chris the details, I hope you can come Rylee” I don’t even know what to say, my mouth hung open “erm sure” Chris did this “I hope to see you soon, bye” he put the phone down, Chris literally got Mark from Wilhelmina to call me, I am not model worthy is he crazy.

I am still not over the call at all, this guy is a big deal and he wants to see me. Little old me from New Jersey, I am not that beautiful. Only the beautiful become such models, I am just me. Smiling down at my phone, I want to text Chris to tell him he is stupid but I won’t, he is trying to get me in there with the models and I appreciate it. Sighing out, now I miss him and I just left him. Who would have thought I would become so clingy to Chris Brown, I never gave the guy a second thought unless his songs were playing but that was it. I just miss his company, just feeling him close by watching me. He watches my every emotion and it’s creepy but cute and I miss him, tapping on my Instagram just to check if he has posted anything. I don’t really check my Instagram messages, I have men sending me dick pictures on here so I stopped checking, I refuse to look at those when they are not pretty like Chris’ dick. Tapping my camera and scrolling through my photo album and stopping on the picture of Chris on the tour bus, he actually stood and took a nice picture, he does take nice pictures anyways but he always pulls a stupid face but this time he just smiled and I love it. Tapping the picture and then captioning it ‘Miss my fiancé already #sucks’ pressing send.

Laughing at Joe taking his shoes off “just place the bags here and come in” I guess Joe can just hang with me until I go, there is a spare room here “Rylee is here” Kyrie jumped up from the floor and ran at me “oh it’s you” hugging him close “it’s mr big!!” Kyrie shouted at Joe “leave him alone Kyrie, Joe sit down. It’s fine” my mom got up from the couch “it’s always so good to have you home Rylee, every time I see you. I see you have grown up” pulling a face hugging my mom “how?” I questioned her “your aura, the confidence, the happiness. My daughter oozes happiness and you are glowing” my mom stepped back looking me up and down “I see a little weight gain too, you never were fat” my mouth fell open “I am fat?” looking down at myself “no, it’s happy weight. It’s good Rylee” my mom just called me fat “am I fat Joe?” turning to him, he shook his head “no, you’re fine” turning back to my mom “stop being sensitive. You are living good, it’s not bad” I feel offended and now I feel fat, how annoying.

Remaining silent with my mom “can I open gifts!?” Kyrie asked “no, it’s for Christmas day. Put them under the tree, you will love it” Kyrie walked off all annoyed “you really upset with me?” my mom asked, I shrugged looking at the TV “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, you are happy. You have gained good weight, just a little. Rylee you look so good though, I was the same but I was also pregnant” looking over at my mom “but I also lost that child, but stop it please with the face. I think you should check yourself over, do you and Chris have unprotected sex?” why does this conversation feel so awkward “stop asking me that” I mumbled “we all have sex Rylee but do you and Chris have unprotected sex?” she said again “what?” my dad walked in “I want to know if Chris and Rylee have sex unprotected” my dad does not want to hear that “stop the stupid talk woman, this is my baby and I don’t want to hear it” my dad walked over to me, he leaned down pressing a kiss to my cheek “I am saying she might be having a baby Harvey” my dad sat next to me “that was a very cold reception with your dad” I am annoyed with my dad.

I remained silent looking at the TV “young man, how long are you here for?” my dad said to Joe “until Rylee goes back to LA” Joe answered “and you don’t have a family of your own” my dad is an ass at times, I know where Blake gets his attitude from “I do, Chris and Rylee are my second family. Chris wants his fiancé protected and I am here for that” my dad shook his head “she doesn’t really need it in this home” turning my head to look at my dad “why don’t you leave him alone, I am only here for a few days anyways. Mom, did you know dad is making me choose between Chris and you, he is guilt tripping me and I made my decision and I am staying with Chris” I won’t even look at my dad, he can be scary at times “Harvey! How could you, stop making me sound like I am about to die. I am living and breathing, she is getting married to her future and you want to guilt trip her back home? I am so happy she found a man, you’re unbelievable and being something you’re not. You’re controlling your kid’s life, if she wants to be with her husband on their first Christmas then yes she can be” my dad does not look happy at all.

The silence in the room is awkward, I know my dad loves me but he got to let me go “she is not ours Harvey, we have done our jobs and so have you. You have been the best father, her first love but now we need to let her go. We can only be here for her, maybe you need to let her go” my dad got up from the couch and walked off in a huff “leave him Rylee, he is being sensitive. He is all for Chris being his son in law but not the fact his daughter will be his, your dad is being sensitive. He was fine when Chris told him he wanted to marry you, I think he is just not ready to give you away. You know you are the precious one of the family, I hope Christmas is great though” smiling at my mom “Chris wants you all to come but dad wants to stay here, just everything is not right. I feel bad, I really do because I want to be here but then Chris wants to have an actual Christmas with his family, he doesn’t want to go to his mom’s house. He wants it all done at his house, I just feel bad” my mom laughed waving me off “oh stop it, don’t. I didn’t when I stayed with your dad, I will be here for the next one” my mom winked at me.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfiction

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