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desire-mona · 2 days

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siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

#desire mona #YAYYYYYYYY TODD AUTISM POST #do yall want a seperate autistic anderperry hc post cuz i can do that #genderqueer todd i love you so much #dead poets society #todd anderson #anderperry #the todd spectrum #actually autistic #banger

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decepti-thots · 16 hours

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while i'm talking about Whirl, one thing i've been meaning to talk about for ages just in a 'i am aware some people may not actually know this, and it hardly gets mentioned in fandom' is that Whirl in Interiors talking about briefly trying to change his name when he was a flight instructor at the flight academy is a reference to a passage in Bullets, which is in retrospect very obviously him:

Jetstream had taught him to recognize his inherent worthlessness. In front of the other cadets he'd always been supportive, but in private he would berate him for showing off and for getting ideas above his station. “You think you're something special?” he used to say. “You think you’re better than the rest, better than me, just because you can turn a few tricks? On a good day - on your best day - I’d say you were unremarkable.” Rotorstorm’s only response to Jetstream’s verbal abuse was to make jokes. If you can make light of the situation, he'd think, it can’t be as bad as it seems. Over time, Jetstream’s verbal abuse... evolved. On one occasion, Rotorstorm was pushed against a wall. On another, he was punched to the floor. Before long, he was on the receiving end of sustained and entirely unprovoked beatings. The worst day of Rotorstorm’s life - worse than the day war was declared; worse than the day of the Simanzi Massacre - was the day the IAA installed a Cryogenic Regeneration Chamber. He couldn't remember what he’d done to deserve that night's battering, but as he lay on the floor of the aircraft hangar, his torso freshly pummeled, his spinal strut bent at a right angle and his face reduced to a shallow bowl of oil and splinters, he saw something he would never forget: Jetstream was standing over him, fists clenched and head cocked, coolly appraising his options. And the look of exhilaration on his face as he wondered where to place the next punch had been terrifying. Rotorstorm had passed out before Jetstream had finished shoveling him into the CR Chamber, and had woken up the next day without a single scratch on his body. Jetstream had left overnight; he moved to a training facility in another province and later changed his name. Since then, Rotorstorm had seen him only once: he'd been sitting in the front row when Rotorstorm had been awarded the Novic Medal for Outstanding Valor, and he’d been clapping and cheering more loudly than anyone else.

and this is a really fascinating thing to consider for me because if you just describe the whole thing briefly in the abstract, it's gonna likely sound like one of two things:

whirl tried to turn over a new leaf with a new name, and it worked for a time but ultimately he couldn't and went back to his old life

whirl tried to turn over a new leaf with a new name, but he couldn't and was just as much of an aggro wildcard as ever so gave up

but this is... kind of not either of those, including the last one? whirl IS acting like the violent, bitter, unpredictable asshole we come to meet in MTMTE and know he was during the war, to an extent, but he's also clearly succesfully keeping up something of a facade of really inhabiting that 'not Whirl, nope, i'm a Normal Flight Instructor' in public. it's only to rotorstorm he's not, seemingly. (and even then, the way rotorstorm describes him here is... really cold and deliberate in a way that feels kind of different to what we see later.)

obviously it's. i mean it's SO deeply unpleasant, very effectively communicated in terms of how awful and traumatising that kind of thing is btw a+ but also Jesus Fucking Christ, but it also suggests to me a very specific experience Whirl is having in this period of his life that isn't quite either of those obvious choices. pokes at it. god. what the fuck is going through your head you terrible helicopter you.

#idw #rotorstom #whirl #meta

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codenamesazanka · 16 hours

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cursory chapter thoughts:

What was this chapter

So... was Deku/AFO's attack supposed to destroy 'Shigaraki Tomura' (and leave 'Shimura Tenko' intact)? I guess that makes sense, since he didn't care about Shigaraki Tomura, only about The Crying Child. What gets messy is whether it made clear in the text that Shigaraki and Tenko are separate people? Deku treated it as if they were; Shigaraki insisted they weren't (BUT he's brainwashed/traumatized/wrong, so what does he know 🤡); the narrative seems to imply that they're still the same people but perhaps Tenko is more 'core' - At the end of 418, Tenko is the one saying 'No' to playing heroes, growing into Shigaraki/his adult self to say 'Villains need a Hero of their own', which seems to be his True Dream, implying that Tenko and Shigaraki do at least share that, they are at least partly the same person... (But then 419 said his entire life was manufactured, so.) Shigaraki Tomura/Shimura Tenko is whoever Deku decides he is, I guess.

Sero's speech feels condescending and dismissive. I totally get him, that he's a normal guy in midst of all these tragedies and trauma victims, he can't quite relate to them, his motivation is purely 'Doing well at school' and 'preparing for my future career' and that's perfectly fine! Tragedy doesn't make people stronger; there's only just suffering. The issue is that the disconnect between Normal Guy Sero and Trash Rat Baby AFO (and Abused Eugenics Baby Todorokis, Hate Crime Child Victim Hetermorphs, Quirk Conversation Therapy Toga) is pretty big. And so the speech comes off seeming to say 'that sounds like a you problem'. Or, even if he later says 'bad stuff shouldn't happen', that's so broad and vague it's meaningless, especially since the 'bad stuff' that's happening is mostly from... the system he's fighting to protect. Bad stuff happens to people and that should stop. How to stop it? Just don't be unlucky I guess?

I can't remember well, but isn't the majority of the damage Deku suffers pretty much self-inflicted? He was away for most of the Sky Coffin battle. Then he faced off only Shigaraki, and that consisted mostly of breaking Shigaraki's wrist in a hold, and dodging because he couldn't let Shigaraki touch him - though Shigaraki does get a few hits in, including tossing him across the country to Fuji. But the main injuries I remember getting prominence and significance is from overusing OFA - muscles tearing, unable to breathe, etc.

The Shirt is so awful. That's the extent of civilian help. Supporting Heroes by buying their exclusive merchandise and believing in The Symbol. And Deku puts value in that, given that he recognizes the fucking shirt. Yeah, yeah, it's symbol of their trust in him, their spirit and wishing energy is in that shirt, whatever. It's a terrible gesture and symbol to use, imo.

I like that AFO is sad.

#nalslastworkingbraincell #spoilers #bnha spoilers

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dazais-guardian-angel · 15 days

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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

#bungou stray dogs #been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people #first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now #he was groomed since childhood just like dazai #but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there #and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong #but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself #which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong #and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO #where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself #and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess #and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just #One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall #he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma #and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc #it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man #both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation #i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda #and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death #oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)

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hightowres · 4 months

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nice to see you back but i'm curious why you haven't been posting about taylor? are you still a swfitie?

i'm not really that invested in taylor right now, i still listen to her music sometimes but i wouldn't say i'm an active fan. just a personal thing though, like i just don't particularly care abt her atm

#if i'm being honest i just really can't align with what her values seem to be and i find it frustrating that she only speaks up abt things #when they affect her #also the hanging out with assualt apologists #the whole mh thing from last year #slowly i've just kind of lost my rose tinted view of her #and i'm just not a fan anymore #i don't think she's like a terrible awful person but like idk her and all i know is what she shows the world #and she hasn't exactly shown much care for certain issues #so idk i feel very detached from her which feels weird bc of how much i used to love her #she's obviously very talented though and a lot of her songs will be with me forever

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palms-upturned · 1 year

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#meg talks #little bro is having a crisis bc a loved one is going through a rlly hard time w trying to get financial aid #and bro is just like heartbroken and enraged at how impossible it is #and im… i feel terrible bc i have no idea what to say #like… im genuinely sorry he’s having to find out these things firsthand bc i know it feels awful #but i see so much of this stuff w all of my friends that it almost didn’t register w me that this is smth that he found shocking #not that he hasn’t seen it too in fact he’s experienced it himself #it’s just like. it hit me like ah right. ive carried around the fear of the social murder of me and my loved ones for so long #that it almost started to seem like a universal part of adult life #which ig it is in a way. but not like this. and im sad that the world is built to do this to us #and horrified that ‘’being poor and/or disabled and/or trans means that the structures this world was built on are designed to kill you’’#is not a thought that makes me boil in anger anymore (ofc it still does sometimes just not every time)#so much as this like… it’s like ive already grieved my own death #idk. im just sad.

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running-in-the-dark · 2 years

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I am feeling absolutely awful tonight, ugh.

#like #I was just getting used to feeling like... stable I guess #like it felt like I could handle things and the anxiety was sooooo much better and everything was alright #I don't know if this is because I'm so fucking stressed now. or maybe it's because I started taking a different endometriosis medication #instead of the pill. that I was on for 3 years #which would make sense... I always have lots of awful side effects with anything that affects my hormones #fuck I shouldn't have switched to this stuff 🙃 it was alright in the end. I could have just dealt with the side effects 😭 at least it was #predictable 😭#I also feel like I'm going to start bleeding soon. which no no no no please anything but that 😭 I can't go through that again #the pain is so fucking bad #that would really be fucking terrible. and it would completely defeat the point of the medication. so. god I hope I'm wrong.#but either way I'm already in a lot of pain so 🙃🙃🙃 I hate my body and I want to die #(that's so fucking weird. I've been doing so well and these past few days I just keep thinking that stuff again. I hate this)#gonna go cry myself to sleep bc of the pain now 🙃 literally someone just stab me please or something #personal

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bibleofficial · 2 years

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Hi, speaking of meds, how was it like for you to quit citalopram/escitalopram? I'm currently doing that, but I'm not sure if I'll have to replace it with a different one yet ♡

i don’t necessarily ‘quit,’ whereas it’s more of switch, so tapering down the dose while increasing another. for escitalopram (i think it was like 40mg?) -> duloxetine (60mg maybe?) i switched due to the dosage not working while taking the max; it was an easy trade though bc i didn’t really get the withdrawals as i was switching onto another - it was like being on a Big Dose of meds re: ‘flat’ ‘emotionless’ for the first little bit until the old medication is out of ur system and it’s just the new one

#asked #anonymous #the prozac -> effexor was ROUGH though #but also after running out of prozac for like a week & a half & going through THOSE WITHDRAWLS ? MISERABLE AWFUL TERRIBLE #but prozac gets u out of bed - does nothing for anxiety though which was a problem for me #so if ur wanting something for depression & anxiety u could try cymbalta or effexor they’re like sedatives kinda idk #like if u Get it u Get it like if u take 2 of ur dose of lexapro & ur just 👁👁#but it’s worked for me !!#until it just stopped but that felt like ‘i’d take the meds but it was just to keep the routine as taking it didn’t feel like much’#cymbalta was the same way it was like months of depressive symptoms & anxiety that was just obviously signaling that the medication had #stopped but also i was taking cymbalta WAY longer than i should’ve like i should’ve switched months before but corona threw a wrench in that #but it’s fine just gotta get it right #but it’s not too bad u just feel funny for like a week or two - withdrawls are like ur mind screaming even though it’s silent & then u have #like a massive migraine & ur body fuckign aches then at some point u just open ur eyes & everything is quiet & ur fine #but that’s like after a week lol #but that’s how withdrawls are for .. most drugs lol #oh but w that being said prozac is off label used for anxiety but it’ll depend on the person #like just talk to ur dr & see what they recommend #but it’ll also definitely depend on what ur being treated for !#i went zoloft -> lexapro -> cymbalta -> prozac -> effexor #and i’m on effexor i think it’s 60mg rn #BUT W THAT ALSO BEING SAID x2 - SINCE UR QUITTING u might not actually need an additional !#if u come off meds and ur doing fine and ur not showing major depressive or anxious symptoms u can probably stay off ! though if things #start to get bad again u can definitely go back to it or try a new one !#but when ur coming off meds just take ur time - like if u feel like u have. a headache or a body ache that’s abnormal and isn’t typical #‘thirst’ or ‘hunger’ or ‘tired’ feelings but like a withdrawl then u can take a tylenol or cut the pill in half until u can wean off cmpltly #cut the pill being cut the lexapro in half for a half dose then take that instead of a full so ur getting less medication in ur system but #it’s enough to cut the edge of the withdrawls #just remember that withdrawls are temporary & u can get through it 🫡❤️

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neotheater-kid · 2 years

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Be More Chill the novel version my beloved

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starlooove · 26 days

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Anyways that was a HUGE issue for me growing up; the way I was masculinized by my white peers fucked up my gender expression for a long time and even now it still has me confused and hurting from time to time. Like white ppl don’t understand this causes unhealthy relationships with gender sexuality sex in general even emotional connections with us because it’s not just “they expect you to be butch”, that’s a symptom of the racism they already have. It’s they treat you like a man and they disrespect ur physical boundaries! Like all the time! And then play victim when it bothers you!

#ugh and add being fat on top of that? forget it #And then came the hyperfemininity which FUCKED me up #bc I didn’t have a lot of dysphoria generally but when I was TRYING my hardest to be feminine? naur…#especially since like now whenever I do smth ‘feminine’ I understand yeah ppl outside see me as that but I don’t so it’s ok #but at the time it was like. I’m wearing a skirt I got my nails done girl.#sobbing into pillow for hours <3 #but anyways point is all of that was exacerbated by my race #And the way y’all wanna run to ignore that #that that’s how it is for SO MANY OF US #bc ur feelings got hurt and u don’t MEAN anything bc by it?#yuck #y’know whats crazy I don’t even talk on my gender or sexuality in specifics on here bc of that lowk 😭#like the scrutinization from them was terrible #oh and I’m making them sound AWFUL they weren’t that bad it just shows that they’ve never met a queer black person before #unfortunately I was the first black friend never again 💀

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watch-out-it-bites · 1 month

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#don't let them see this!#I ACCIDENTLY SENT THIS TO THE WRONG CHAT WHEN SENDING IT TO MYSELF WHAT IF I SCREAMED #aaa...#i am. hurty and sad and agh.#i really dont want to be a bad person and i want to be good!!! however!! i feel like im just naturally going to be an awful awful bad #And I Really Hate That.#as much as i try i am just going to be This #im scared im not making progress #i think im going back #so much stuff is repeating and im becomign Awful Awful Terrible again and it is my fault #i really need to do better #but i am drawing right now #so i gues thats nice #i want to scream #i want to go away from this stuff!! i want to take a break because i feel so sick and awful but i already know its no use #and i cant even try because thats wasted time #i will try and itll make no progress so why even try at all #plus im being disgusting again and that Sucks. agh. today is just. not a good day.#i hate when it gets this way i hate everything i hate everything so much and i hate sounds and i hate being awful #i am trying very hard to not break any vows however i keep slipping up and now my sleep schedule is getting to be awful again and everything #everything terrible and i am crying and i hate this so much and i hate bodies and people and surroundings and realizations and thoughts #gah.#i hate having such strong emotions grrjfjjjgjfj #this is all my fault and im just trying to be a victim in my own messes which really sucks so i dont even have a genuine reason to be Sad #i hate being this way gahhhhhhhggjjfjfnfnnfnrnfndjfnxnmdndnsmsndjsjsjskdjsnjfjsjdnsns

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ihaventsleptinweekz · 3 months

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Okay vent/ bad person alert but I'm really enjoying being the person to ice out my father for once. This is slightly beyond me trying to send a message at this point

#Massive vent below #Like I'm definitely trying to send a message. Do this again and I'm gone for good #But also. It's kind of enjoyable. Which probably makes me a bit of a terrible person but it's like. Dare I say it a bit of revenge #This is my bad person alert like vent but from a bad person pov #It's nice to for once not be the one clamoring to please him.#I should definitely stop soon though otherwise I'd definitely be an asshole #I'm in so much emotional turmoil right now its not even funny .#Like so much of this situation feels like my fault it makes me sick #Like. I'm the one who trusted my father and told him my brother hadn't listened to him #Like it was MY FAULT my 7 year old brother was dragged sobbing and begging out of his hiding spot and slammed to the ground #I get it's my father who did it but guess what. I'm the one who told him #And when I got between them what the fuck did my father do??? Tried to use ME running between them as a guilt trip AGAINST A 7 YEAR OLD #'She threw herself in front of you because she knew you pushed me too far' NO THE FUCK I DID NOT #I hate him so bad for that. That has left an awful taste in my mouth for days #And now my brother is avoiding me and it's so awful #My dad told him that I'm the one who told dad he hadn't brushed his teeth #This is what this is all over btw. He didn't brush his teeth #Then he said all sorts of awful things to him and I'm just so so sick.#And the sugar on the cream is I can't even like. .#He's threatened to kill himself over stuff like this before. Like when I was younger he'd do shitty stuff then threaten to kill himself #And it's like a guillotine over our heads right now.#I pulled my mom aside and said you should comfort him because I hate him too much to say a singular nice thing to him for a week at least #And she took that so seriously that she's mad at me for not forgiving him yet .#Like I've been such a mess this week I literally do nothing but loose .#I'm feeling better though and getting out of the house tmrw! .which I also feel guilty about #Because I'm basically passing the eldest child crown to my sister and saying I'm leaving you're in charge of guilt now #lol #But also not lol #Not even a little bit lol #But it'll be fun I hope

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pumpkinrootbeer · 6 months

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I've started watching succession for the first time and my recap so far (I'm halfway through s2)

Shiv: she has crazy girlboss disease and I think many of her problems would be solved if she ate some pussy, 10/10 I love her and want her to act at least 43% more unhinged

Roman: literally deranged. a wet dog left outside in a box type of pathetic I want things to get so much worse for him. 10/10 ban him from ever getting professional help whatever is wrong with him is way funnier

Kendall: I have so many complicated feelings. Like he like sucks but in a way that is not nearly as fun for me as the other two but also he's so just miserable I can't look away any self distruction from him just gives me tummy aches ???/10

Two for the price of one Tom and Greg as a horrific bonus feature: I honestly hate both of them sorry.... like Tom would be engaging if he was idk. like 10% crazier and also a woman and Greg. if Greg was more pathetic I would be capitvated but I'm just like "oh cool tomfucker9000 is on the screen again" 4/10

Logan: Logan Logan/Logan

Bonus round: I love Conner I'm a conhead for life easily the funniest character, I thought I'd like maria in s1 but as it went on I realized she actually does like Logan for who he is absolutely devisating, I love gerri I love milfs I hope she makes roman worse and continues to use him for her own self achieving means. also Tabitha should be my girlfriend instead actually

I will update when I have more thoughts

#Greg would be interesting if he had a coke addiction and then did vehicular manslaughter over it #But he's just got a bunch of wishy washy morals that he uses to feel better than the people he's surrounded himself with #but will throw them out the moment it's convenient #again if he was like 10x more pathetic I would be captured by his horrific ways instead he's just. idk he's there #Tom would also be interesting to me if he was just a little worse with it instead I find him deeply unappealing sorry #Shiv is like really interesting to me bc Greg only has morals when it's convenient #but shiv only has them at the most inconvenient times for her #she just can't fully commit to being a terrible person but is also still sooo awful and I love that in a woman #Kendall also has that same swag to varying degrees but I have so many complicated feelings on him #he's like less vulnerable than Roman but he's still so deeply broken especially in s2 when he's drunk the coolaid #Which is why I'm so obsessed with that slap scene like he was in full fawn mode over Logan but even that was still a bridge too far #I need to chew on him that's so interesting #anyway #succession #I want more con but I want nothing bad to happen to him ever #ALSO #Gerri is so like. Ugh I love her #Ik whatever the fuck is going on between her and Roman is a ticking time bomb that shit can not end well #But even if she is just using him for her own self gain I literally do not care #Like at least there's fucking someone in this show in Romans corner like actually in his corner #Her chasing her own success means she has to chase Romans as well bc he is her avenue to that success so it's like #yeah girl so whatever the fuck you want #To be very clear I do not roman to be CEO or involved in the company at all let my rescue dog free babyyyy #But at this point I just need at least one person who is actually trying to get Roman ahead I do not care if she's only doing it for hersel #At least she's fucking doing it ya know 😭#Also she's so hot. sorry

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headspace-hotel · 3 months

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Problems like climate change, where solving them requires millions of people to collectively work at hundreds of different solutions at once, are black holes for internal peacefulness because they give you a type of frustration where you alternately become bitter towards yourself or everyone around you. "If only I could work harder to fix the problem!" makes you exhausted, so you must become angry at others: "If only they cared about the problem!"

People who are already working on fixing climate change need to convince more people to work on it. And a popular thing is to share writings that describe how doomed we all are if climate change is not fixed, how terrible everything will be because of climate change, and how quickly all the treasures of our world are being lost.

There is a particular understanding of human behavior that is being accepted here without thinking about it hard enough. Popular news media shows headlines with terrible prophecies, written that way in hopes of getting the attention of otherwise disinterested people, who will then be "motivated" to fix climate change.

The trouble is that fear is no good for motivating thoughtful, patient, steady commitment to solving a problem. Fear is made to cause an organism to avoid things that might harm it. It creates a brief and explosive pulse of action where the organism's energy pours out as it instinctively, thoughtlessly reacts to escape the danger as fast as possible.

It's silly to blame people for avoiding thinking about climate change. The point of an organism responding to stressors is to avoid them. Oftentimes, the only tool people are presented with is personal choices about what products to buy, which inevitably is horribly frustrating and stressful, since a person will frequently be coerced by their situation into buying a certain product, and even if they don't they see others doing it all the time.

Relentless exposure to imminent threats that cannot be escaped causes Trauma, which severely impacts a person's ability to be resilient to stressors.

I think there is definitely a type of trauma associated with being constantly aware of the destruction of the environment and feeling helpless to do anything about it, especially since we as humans have a deep need for contact with other living things and aspects of the natural world, such as trees, water, flowers, and animals—a need that is often totally denied and treated as merely a Want or a hobby meant only for certain people who enjoy particular activities, like Hiking or Gardening.

We need to expand our minds on how this disconnection can hurt a human being. Imagine if a child's need to be loved by their caregivers, a person's need to be loved by their friends and family, was treated as a desire for indulgence or luxury, or a certain use of free time!

Yes, yes, one person has a condition that makes it hard to walk up hills, another doesn't like the bright sunshine, another is allergic to the grass or fungal components of the outdoor world, but WE ARE PART OF THE FAMILY OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH and WE EXIST IN SYMBIOSIS WITH THE ENVIRONMENT WHICH TAKES CARE OF US. Who showed you what beauty was, who taught you to feel peace and relief inside you in the form of a caressing breeze and rustle of leaves, who gave you awe and wonder at seeing the stars or the mountains? Where does every delicious food come from but the soil teeming with creatures? Isn't the most perfectly sweet berry grown from a plant, nurtured by the soil and pollinated by the bugs? Don't you feel delight at seeing a springy carpet of moss, a little mushroom, or a tiny bird? Think of all that the trees give us. Whose breath do you breathe? Whose body frames your home?

The writings of Indigenous writers such as the book by Mary Siisip Genuisz I am reading right now show me that the other life forms are our family. They take care of us and provide for us, and they would miss us if our species disappeared. Isn't that a powerful, healing fact? I think everybody is so enthusiastic about the book Braiding Sweetgrass because it is a worldview that those of us coming from the dominant colonizer culture are straight up ravenous, starving to death for.

Maybe, I think to myself, humans can experience a kind of trauma from being deprived a relationship with their Earth, just as they would experience trauma from being deprived relationships with other humans.

I really believe that it hurts us to be surrounded by concrete instead of soil, to see a majestic tree cut down on a whim without any justice possible, to see wild animals mostly in the form of mangled corpses on the roadside, to have poison sprayed everywhere to kill the insects that life depends on, to hear traffic and lawn mowers and weed whackers instead of birds and flowing water.

We KNOW that this is physically bad for our health, the stifling, polluted, and stressful environments of a civilization that doesn't know the ways of the plants, but I think it's a kind of moral injury too, right? To see a beautiful field turned into a housing development of ugly, big, expensive houses—no thought given to the butterflies and sparrows and quail of the field? To see a big old tree cut down, a pond full of frogs obliterated and turned into a drainage ditch beside a gas station? They aren't just things, they are lives, and while expansion and profit and progress are "necessary," a nice old field of wildflowers or a pond full of frogs are a different kind of necessary. I remember feeling this as a child without words for it—the sheer cruelty of a world that is totally without reverence for the other creatures.

"They own the property, they can cut down the tree" "They bought the land, they can do what they want with it" <but it can also be wrong, and many people know this on some level, even though our culture doesn't provide us with the framework.

Fear could never give people the motivation to fix climate change. Constant fear of what will happen in the future forces a person to protect themselves from the relentless stress by shutting it out entirely or developing apathy.

A fear based argument for fixing climate change either causes a worldview of nature with no bond of kinship at all, based on the physical and practical dependence on Nature as a "resource," or forces people to experience their kinship with Nature only through grief.

Fear tells us that we want to live—it does not tell us WHY to live. If a person tries to live on fear alone, they will eventually find the desire to live burdensome and painful in itself. I see this emerging on a society wide scale in the USA, feeding on influences from the Christian evangelicalism that sees the Earth as something already sullied and worthless, to be thrown away like a dirty tissue, and on the looming monolith of nuclear winter that gave our parents recurring nightmares as children.

If you go to r/collapse on Reddit (don't do that) you will see a whole community of people who cope with the threat of climate change by fantasizing about it, imagining it as a collective punishment for all humanity and a cathartic release from the present painful situation.

We cannot learn to live without seeing the reason for living. We cannot save the Earth without loving it. We cannot heal nature without caring for it. In order to collectively take action against climate change, we must be moved by something other than fear—and that something is love. Not just love of the outdoors as an activity, but love of the Earth as something that loves us.

The dominant Western culture cannot borrow Indigenous land stewardship techniques as though they are just one climate resilience strategy, without being also willing to change its dreadfully impoverished way of viewing human relationships with Nature.

What right have we to think, "Huh, maybe those guys were on to something with the multi-level polyculture systems and controlled burns" while still thinking humans are nothing but a disease on the Earth, and that Earth would be happy to be rid of us? The sustainable ways of using the land practiced traditionally by cultures who have lived in relationship with their ecosystems for many generations work because humans can exist in mutualistic symbiosis with the life forms around them. We care for them. They care for us.

I know for a fact that plants seek relationships with us, and I was taught by them to see how interconnected everything really is, and how I was made to be a caretaker of my ecosystem. I was, a few years ago, just as I describe above. Too scared and pessimistic about the future of nature to bother loving it, and because of this, I could not realize my niche in the ecosystem. It felt for many years like I could do nothing—i believed in climate change, but I felt hopeless, so I put it out of my mind. But when I began to cultivate a love and reverence for the sad, scraggly, beaten-down fragments of Nature around me, everything changed. So much became possible.

I am still learning and exploring, trying to open my mind to ideas totally different than the ones I knew growing up, paying close attention to every plant and learning its ways. And it stuns me to think—some people write about climate change without this process.

The author of the book "The Uninhabitable Earth" (a scary book about how doomed the Earth is because of climate change) says in the beginning of the book that he is not very much of a nature lover. You fool, love is our most powerful evolutionary adaptation!

#climate change #the ways of the plants #plants #nature #environment #symbiosis

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ellecdc · 2 months

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HIII, I wanted to know if I could request a poly marauders x festy slytherin reader.Something of how they started or whatever you have inspiration for.I would love another part of that, if you feel up to it. Hope you are taking care of yourself <3

feisty/slytherin reader x poly!marauders is actually my favourite thing to write (followed closely by any ship with whimsical reader) so I was more than happy to whip this up for you! Thanks for requesting! 🫶

poly!marauders x feisty, fem, Slytherin!reader

CW: werewolf prejudice, making fun of possible birth defects due to Pureblood's being terribly inbred, swearing

Remus felt that generally, he was a very understanding person. And not just in a compassionate way, but also in a sense that he just understands a lot of things.

He understands Sirius’ need to defy his family whilst simultaneously looking after his brother as if his life depended on it.

He understands James’ need to make sure everyone around him feels as loved as humanly possible, even if it’s at his own expense.

He understands that Gryffindor’s hate Slytherin’s, but he also understands that not all Slytherin’s are horrible, prejudiced racists.

He understands everyone makes fun of Hufflepuffs for being soft and emotional, but he also understands that Hufflepuffs can be some of the most heartless, ruthless friends you can have.

What Remus has had a hard time understanding, however, was his boyfriends’ sudden interest in you.

Remus could admit that you were quite attractive, but you were also sort of…terrifying?

“What have you boys done?” Lily murmured in quiet horror (quiet awe if you asked James).

“We pranked Slytherin!” Sirius said jovially, as if Lily had somehow missed that key piece of information.

“I can see that, Sirius.” She said like one might speak to a small child who was quite dumb. “But on portrait day?”

Sirius smiled smugly as he watched Slytherin’s enter the Great Hall for their school portraits. As they passed through the door, they were unknowingly walking under a charmed mistletoe (which was very difficult to find this time of year, thanks James very much) which turned their green and silver robes and ties to a beautiful red and gold.

The best part is some students still hadn’t noticed yet, and another amazing part was that those who had noticed couldn’t figure out how to turn it back.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Lupin. I suppose the four of you have no idea who may be behind this prank?” Professor McGonagall challenged as she looked down her nose at them sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Sirius smirked as he responded “Why, not a clue Minnie. But I’ll keep my eye out and let you know if I see any mischief makers.”

McGonagall let out a long suffering sigh as she took five points from Gryffindor for improper address of a professor.

“You rotten dugbogs.” Remus heard you screech before he saw you. He had the good sense to cringe as you stormed up to their table whilst Sirius and James grinned enthusiastically.

“Why hello Y/N, my beautiful angel.” James greeted as Sirius let out a sultry “Don’t you just look smashing in red.” Accompanied by a wink.

“I don’t know what you sods have done, and quite frankly, I don’t care about the rest of them; but you will fix this.” You spat angrily gesturing to your faux Gryffindor uniform.

“But that would be such a crime, dollface.” Sirius lamented.

“You can’t expect us to mess with perfection.” James added.

You shot your hand out and grabbed James’ collar, pulling his face to yours until your noses were nearly touching.

“I swear to Salazar himself, Potter, if you do not change my robes back, I will cut your dick off and charm it to your forehead so you walk around looking like a limp-dick unicorn. Change. It. Back.”

Your voice was low and threatening, and Peter actually gulped as he hid behind Remus. But looking at James’ face pressed up to yours, you would have thought you had just serenaded him with the greatest love song known to man.

“You have such beautiful eyes.” He murmured in awe. Remus was certain he could see steam forming behind said beautiful eyes, but before it could shoot out of your ears, Sirius came to your rescue.

“Very right, Prongs. She does have beautiful eyes. Unfortunately, I believe her usual green does compliment them better than the red.” Sirius said lasciviously as he cast the counter charm to return your robes to their rightful colour.

You looked down at your form before looking back at the boys skeptically. You seemed only then to realize you were still holding onto James’ collar like a vice and dropped it. Remus almost chuckled at the look of loss that crossed James’ face.

“Right.” You said and cleared your throat, backing away from them as if you weren't fully trusting what just happened. “Thank you.”

Sirius’ head actually reared back in surprise at your thanks and James beamed.

“Anytime angel, truly.”

James’ pet name seemed to snap you out of whatever trance you’d been in as you narrowed your eyes at him. “Don’t call me that.”

“Terribly sorry, my love.” He relented.

You groaned in exasperation and carried on towards the Slytherin table.

“Isn’t she lovely?” James whispered in awe, eyes still glued to your form as you bodily shoved Evan Rosier out of what Remus could only assume you had dubbed as your seat at the Slytherin table and sat down.

“Try bloody terrifying.” Peter shivered in horror as he finally extricated himself from behind Remus.

“Oi! Don’t talk about our future missus that way, Wormy.” Sirius squawked and swatted at the poor sod with his copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Is he wrong, though?” Remus asked as he let out his own breath of relief.

“Don ‘t worry moons,” James murmured into Remus’ cheek as he pressed his nose into the werewolf’s hair line. “She’ll win you over soon.”

Remus wasn’t so sure.

You were the only Slytherin photographed in proper uniform that day.

A few weeks later found Remus sitting horrifyingly uncomfortable in Defense Against the Dark Arts as they moved on to the unit featuring Werewolves.

James sat on his right, and though the shaking of his knee under the table gave away his nerves, he spent the entire class rubbing soothing circles along the back of Remus’ hand with his thumb.

Sirius, sitting on Remus’ left, was incredibly stiff and clearly poised to fight if given the chance which did nothing to ease Remus’ discomfort. It also didn’t help that they shared this period with the 6th and 7th year Slytherin’s.

He just wanted this day to be over.

“Why are we even talking about this?” Mulciber sneered, interrupting the professor as they discussed elements of the Wolfsbane potion.

“What is your question, Mr. Mulciber?” The professor drawled out in a bored tone.

“Why bother discussing werewolves? The lot of them should be culled anyway; euthanize them on site for all I care.” He spat, earning snickers from Avery, Goyle, and Snape.

Sirius sucked in a breath in preparation of a verbal (and possibly physical, should he be so lucky) spar when Remus dug his nails into Sirius’ thigh. “Please, Pads.” He begged quietly; voice taught with emotions.

Sirius let out a pained sigh and leaned back further into his chair.

“Funny, Mulciber.” A bored tone commented, “I was just thinking the same about you and your lot.”

Remus, James, and Sirius all turned to see the majority of the eyes in the room already on you, though you never bothered lifting your head from your textbook.

“Care to repeat that, L/N?” Mulciber sneered, sitting up in his chair as if ready to lunge at you if necessary.

You lifted your bored gaze from your book and stared at him head on. “Do I need to repeat myself, Mulciber? Mummy and daddy kept it too close in the family tree, huh?” You murmured in faux sympathy. “I was just thinking, most of the Sacred Twenty-Eight ought to be culled. That would save the wizarding world a whole lot of trouble.”

“How dare you compare me to some filthy half-breed. My family is royalty compared to those disgusting creatures.” Avery shouted.

“The only one acting like a disgusting creature here is the likes of you tossers.” You shouted back.

“Alright.” The professor tried (not very hard, albeit) to quell the quickly spiralling discussion.

“I could hardly look at myself in a mirror if I’d been tainted with a curse like lycanthropy.” Snape sneered, pointedly facing the Marauders across the room. Sirius burned with shame and protectiveness, being the reason Snape knew Remus’ secret and the overwhelming need to defend his lover. Remus took that moment to dig his nails into Sirius' thigh again, pinning him to his seat.

“Are you sure, Snape? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather live a life with lycanthropy than have to look at that mug of yours in the mirror every day.” You drawled.

“You insolent little bitch.”

“Hey!” James finally shouted from across the room, far more stern than Remus can ever remember seeing the boy. But you carried on, completely undeterred.

“I’d bet ten thousand galleons that not one werewolf ever asked to be a werewolf, yet you wake up each and every morning actively choosing to be the ugliest, most hateful, vile, disgusting beasts known to mankind. That is what is despicable. That is what should be euthanized on site.” Your voice grew louder and louder with each word until you were standing behind your desk and punctuating each word with a slam of your fist against the table in front of you.

“Alright, that’s enough.” The professor finally called; tone booming across the lecture hall intoning no nonsense.

“Mr. Mulciber, Mr. Snape, and Miss. L/N. Detention with me this evening.”

The Slytherin boys all scoffed and cursed under their breath whilst you offered a bored shrug of your shoulders, returning to your textbook as though this was just a run of the mill day for you.

The boys had been absolutely right; you just won over the affections of one Remus John Lupin.

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