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kaypeace21 · 4 years

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Some of your favorite characters are Will’s split personalities (psych/narrative analysis)

This is part 2 of my DID analysis. Part 1 focusing on how the supernatural events of the series correlate to Will’s past with Lonnie. Before, I explain who I believe are alters of Will’s (previously called ‘split personalities’). I think I need to explain a crash course on what Dissociative Identity disorder (DID: previously ‘multiple personality disorder’) entails. And the supernatural manifestation within the show as well- Before explaining which characters I believe are alters of Will’s and why. So let’s begin.

There are 4 hallmarks of a potential dissociative disorder

“Dissociation is when instead of staying present in the face of stress you exit your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations and zone out. . It’s as if your body is a computer that reaches overload for input then just shuts down.’ It’s considered a defense mechanism in psychoanalytic theory.”

‘An individual struggling with dissociation or a dissociative disorder may only experience one of the following or may experience multiple. Each individual’s experience with dissociation can be varied. Symptoms can last just a matter of moments or return at times over the years.”

1)“Identity confusion and alteration -When an individual forgets who they are or takes on a new personality unlike themselves.” (Aka his possession).

2)Dissociative Amnesia-”The forgetting of a major event, such as a childhood trauma or forgetting (traumatic) things happening in real-time.Many survivors of are able to “forget” until sometime later …when memories are triggered by certain events or when the body and mind are no longer able to conceal the memories.” (Aka Will’s ‘now memories’. The reason he refers to them as “now-memories” is because they are things he’s already experienced (as memories) but he’s only now remembering - because of his “dissociative-amnesia’

3)”Derealization-Feeling like the world is not real or is foggy.” (the upsidedown)

4) “Depersonalization-The sense of not being in control of, or not being connected to, one’s body.”

vocab and definitions (about DID) to keep in mind

CORE/HOST- “The core is considered by some to be the person first born to the body. The host is the alter who most commonly uses the body (which may or may not be the core).”

ALTERS - “are dissociated self states that can be highly differentiated from each other. They can have unique names, appearances, ages, gender identities, sexualities, memories (pasts), skills, faiths, political views, abilities, and ways of viewing and interacting with the world. Alters can even perceive themselves as different species, inanimate objects, or as members of a different race, gender, age, or ethnicity/race.No one can choose to have alters or what their alters are like. Alters' creation is entirely unconscious. Most alters have their own sense of identity. A host cannot actually control the alter.An individual with DID has one brain and one body. Dissociative barriers between alters are not literal boundaries, and knowledge, memories, skills, preferences, and traits may bleed through.Alters usually have a role or multiple roles in a smaller system- these roles may or may not appear contradictory.”

SYSTEM-”A system is a collection of alters within one body.Subsystems are two or more groups of alters that might have developed separately, and they may or may not be aware of the other group.”

INNER WORLDS-”it could be a house, to a city, or multiple locations-where alters go when not in control of the body. The innerworld is where alters can interact with one another and where there physical appearance is how they describe .Communication between alters may happen face-to-face (in each other's respective bodies, via the internal world). Expansive internal worlds can result when highly imaginative or dissociative systems use their inner world to retreat from the outside world and so play out entire stories within their mind. Alters may be perceived as having internal lives when not active in the outside world, and these inner lives may involve travel to other internal locations. Many internal happenings may be metaphorical or highly symbolic of the core’s past. Inners worlds may also have characters called "NPCs" (taken from the roleplaying term "non-player characters") that can interact with alters but they are more similar to imaginary constructs rather than actual alters (they can’t control the body and some are made consciously unlike alters-although that’s not always the case). These npcs can be background characters to make the world more real, and it’s not uncommon for parents, family members, or friends of alters to be NPCs.They can feel just as real as natural-born people . Different subsystems may reside in different locations in an internal world or may have non-overlapping internal worlds.”

INTEGRATION- This is essentially the closest thing an alter can do to die- but frankly I consider that comparison harsh. It’s “ when an alter permanently combines with the host or another alter.Fusion occurs when identities merge together and become a unified whole (retaining the memories and some traits of both merging identities.) Integration into a single, individualized identity IS the goal for some in therapy. But it is not, and does not have to be, for everyone. It is possible to achieve full healing by processing memories, establishing communication across the whole mind, lowering dissociative barriers, and showing aptitude in everyone working toward a common goal - all without actually integrating. Others may choose to integrate SOME parts, or "downsize", but still leave a small system to go about their life.”

“They may retain any number of independently acting alters. Reasons for choosing not to fully integrate can include: feeling that full integration is unnecessary; not understanding what integration actually entails and being afraid of "losing" their alters; uncertainty over how to navigate the world as one integrated person; being used to having alters around for company, entertainment, or support; alters having their own unique relationships that they're hesitant to lose; alters wanting to remain separate for their own sakes.”

SWITCHING-”Switching refers to one alter taking control of the body at the expense of another alter who was previously in control of body or ‘fronting’. Switches can be consensual, forced, or triggered.Switches can be slow, quick, or uncontrollably rapid. Switching can take seconds, minutes, or even days to occur.Stress (Will’s anniversary effect) or even a reminder of a trauma, can trigger a switch of alters. * I’ll talk more about this later

ALTERS DYING-“Even if mock deaths or temporary experiences of alters “dying” from old age (or other means) have been acted out in some systems, they aren’t actually dying. You cannot kill off a collective part of the conscious mind like you can a person. Their thoughts, memories, emotions will all still be there, so they must be as well. The part may have gone into extreme hiding/dormant, been momentarily immobilized, or merged with another part of the mind (integration), but they most assuredly did not and can not disappear entirely or “be killed”.

Next we’re on to the supernatural concept they chose to use for this disorder.

We see in the first episode. Will mentions x-men 134 which is about the dark phoenix . The show is litered with x men references like Dustin giving cerebro ( a machine belonging to professor x) to Will. Dustin also asks if El was born with powers “like the x-men.” And Mike also says El channels Will and Dustin once again says “like professor x.” Now- does anyone know who professor x’s son (David) and the ‘shadow phoenix”are ? Well his son is considered the most powerful mutant in the world and has Dissociative identity disorder (DID).At one point some of his alters literally escape his head and enter the real world as tangible people. The ‘shadow phoenix’ is also a sibling to the ‘dark phoenix’.And this ‘shadow phoenix’ (a ‘shadow monster’ if you will) terrorized David’s alters and forced them to integrate back into 1 personality .

In ‘scanners’ one psychic mentions how he “opened the door” to the people trapped in his own mind in order for Daryl to be Daryl again. While in ‘altered states’ the man (who saw flashes of another dimension) met his ‘unborn self in the crack in the void.’Similar to how Mr clarke and Alexi describes the portals of other dimensions being opened as a ‘door’. However, these doors were created before El- we see El created the one at the lab, but that doesn’t take into account the ones in the tree or the cave. There’s more portals we’re unaware of that allowed alters and npcs to escape and become part of the real world even before El opened the gate in s1. And unbeknownst to some of the characters and the audience we’ve already seen other ‘inner worlds’ of Will’s -besides the upsidedown . Which people (not part of the system) have interacted with . As Dustin in s1 said about the other dimensions / vale of shadows , it’s “ A dark reflection or echo of our world ...It’s right next to you and you don’t even know it” .

We see both mr clarke stab a pencil into a plate and Alexi a straw into a box to illustrate this. What’s interesting is the one other time we see this motion is when Lonnie says “someone should be held accountable” (referring to what happened to Will), as he hammers into the wall and it transitions to Mike mimicking mr clarke. Implying that Lonnie is responsible and will be held accountable in the future.

-There’s also the fact the ‘dark phoenix’ mentioned in the first episode of St is highly associated with fire- having pyrokinesis (like Will the wise) and who “had able to warp reality on a universal scale” . It’s like how the show talks about physics often, like in s3/1 (plank’s constant or Hugh Everett’s many worlds interpretations) - and Einstein who believed quantum mechanics wasn’t real said “God does not play dice with the universe." So since he was wrong , cause quantum mechanics is real , the quote should be “god plays dice with the universe.” Like Will does in the beginning of the first episode.Will is captured by the demogorgan (in the game) so he was captured in real life because he rolled a 7. I talked more about this more in the mf section.

- It’s similar to one of the Duffers admitted biggest inspirations for the series ‘altered states’. Who’s mental illness alters reality . He hallucinates seeing flashes of another dimension like Will.

We’ll talk about more evidence of this concept in the character breakdowns (mostly in the mf section). So now on to the alters (and Npcs) who escaped Will’s mind into the real world as tangible people.

Tr*gger warning now, because of how DID is caused. “The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism - the person literally shut off or dissociated themselves from a situation or experience too traumatic, or painful to assimilate with their conscious self.As many as 99% of individuals who develop dissociative disorders have recognized personal histories of recurring, overpowering, and often life-threatening disturbances or traumas at a sensitive developmental stage of childhood (usually before age 6). It cannot form AFTER the ages of 6-9 years of age, aka 10 and up (though, once you have DID you can develop new alters at any time).DID is rarely diagnosed in children (and is usually diagnosed in adulthood or late teens), despite the average age of appearance of the first alter being 5.9 years old . ”

They’ll be brief mentions of dark subjects in this psych/narrative analysis because of this. I’ll also be listing movies said to inspire s4 of st (according to st writers), or mentioning movies name dropped by the cast, the Duffers , or in the show itself .

ALTERS

Max Mayfield & Billy Hargrove

When Max is first introduced - Mr Clark talks about “brain cells working together as one” (while talking next to a brain). Similarly, dustin/mike mention mr clarke when saying what’s essentialy a did system “A collective consciousness. this is the thing that controls everything. this is the brain.” This concept about Max , is mentioned again when mr. clark discuses phineus Gage saying he had “a total change in personality that even his friends called him no longer gage.” And emphasizes max and Will in this scene- showing one in clear focus, while another is blurry, and as they make eye contact Max turns away .

Both are poor, their bio dads aren’t around, both like horror films, comics and videogames. Both their bio dads left them . And both use bats in anger when emulating their abusers ,and both are heavily associated with rainbows. On Halloween she dresses up as a character who as a child dressed up as a clown on Halloween (Will’s fear/ what triggered him on Halloween) and whose surname is Myers (Byers?)

Billy, like Will , have nicknames for their real name- ‘william’. Both have abusive dads who called them homophobic slurs, and forced them to play baseball to man-up. Billy’s old baseball team is even tigers (the mascot of Will’s elementary school and matching Will’s tiger painting in his room in s1-2).The “it was a 7 “ vs “the wave was 7 feet”. Both hit with needles, into rock music , attracted to Wheelers ,and were the main subjects possessed by the mf. At one point the dark phoenix fails to merge with jean so goes to merge with her clone body as the next best thing. In this case the mf went to Will’s second alter William/Billy. And as Will states “another me.” And both say about the mf “I’m sorry, he made me do it.”

Neil and Lonnie both push Jon and Billy against a wall. And Jon tells of a time where his dad made him kill a rabbit . And Billy’s last name “Hargrove” means - “grove filled with rabbits" . While, ‘Mad-max’ her nickname is based on the male 80s film character ‘mad max’ a man being terrorized by a r**ist biker gang who attacks both men/women. It’s also possible that Billy’s appearance was based on Will seeing mrs wheeler’s romance novels?

In the film “don’t breathe’- the reason why the siblings are from California is alluded to in a flashback of Jon & Will. The older sibling (with abusive parents) takes care of the younger sibling like a parent and the little sibling says she wants to be a surfer despite living in a land locked state (without an ocean, like Indianna). Older sibling says one day maybe they can live in California together . And the Older sibling tells a friend about how their dad left them, and how they were thrown in a dark trunk by an abusive parent as kid . Which was alluded to in s1, when Jon checked the trunk to see if Lonnie put Will in there.And we see the mf (who is emulating Lonnie) doing the same thing to heather, and tom (hitting or strangling them and then throwing them in the trunk).

Certain scenes, are alters re-enacting past scenes of trauma. “The family dynamics will be played out in a variety of ways but will most obviously be noted in the way the survivor splits off their system.Some survivors will internalize their family into their own DID system. Some alters may reenact trauma and ab*se, sometimes reinforcing ab*sers’ lessons to prevent further ab*se but sometimes serving as a permanent component of an internal flashback.“The reason, Billy acts/is racist is because he’s emulating Neil (but more accurately Lonnie) who told Will not be friends with lucas and thus recreates that moment with Max .lonnie in the s4 films is very racist. Another example, is Will has shown a fear of doors opening (in s1-2) shown by how the demogorgan unlocks the door telepathically (like El does often).And the mf opening doors by themselves in the house and arcade. Neil demands Billy opens his door. And right after Max stares at Will-Billy yells to open the door and tells Max “I’ll cut you b*tch” if she doesn’t open the door. This is because Lonnie said and did similar things to Will if he didn’t open the door.

What connects all 3 is that they all have an absent parent and have baseball associated with them mimicking a familial ab*ser. Even the mf is associated with the sport.

Alexi

Some “ alters can even speak a different language than the host. Despite, the host personality not knowing a single word of the language.’

Similar to Will who won the science fair for 4 years in a row- Alexi is a scientist who has a child like disposition . Will has a fear of clowns (a clown even triggered him on Halloween), and we see that after he’s attacked by a lonnie-look alike he dies surrounded by clowns.

He also sees a friend strangled by the lonnie-look alike (using 1 hand) and die. throughout the season the mf who emulates lonnie strangle people the exact same way, with one hand (doing this to joyce, el, heather, and jon). probably cause Will either saw Lonnie strangle someone or was strangled in this way. There’s also the fact when we first see Alexi - lights flicker like in s1 (illustrating a supernatural element associated with Will and others).

And stangertheory pointed this one detail out, when watching woody the woodpecker he says “can we watch loonie toons, now?” murray: ‘no’/ “can we play d&d , now? crew:no.

Also, “woody in the cartoon is terrorized by Andy and PAPA panda. To Woody's surprise, Andy's attempts prevail, and Woody is taken away to the psychiatric hospital— but not before his captors prove to be crazier than he is” (cough s4 spoiler, but that’s a post for another day).We also have a scene where murray compares him to a child bringing shit in and tries touching his junk with a metal detector. And when Alexi says to stop, Murray says he’ll do as he pleases in his house. Probably a re-enactment . And Murray mistranslates what he says occasionally as being “n*ked or exposed”, “penetrating a hole”. Also ‘alexi’ may also be a reference to Alexy in russian folklore. A clever-minded priest's son (Lonnie is alluded to be a religious zealot in s4 movies) who wins by tricking and outsmarting his foes and defeating a dragon by trickery. This is another connection to Will who is heavily associated with dragons- for a huge spoiler related reason - let’s just say mf’s can create dragons, Will drew a dragon, has a dragon poster, read a dragon comic in a s1 flashback , was there for the dragon video game, and Dustin mentions a dragon in s3 because of foreshadowing.

**The mindflayer (previously known as ��Will the wise’) -persecutor alter

“A child that is heavily into fantasy might have alters who present as certain fantasy creatures that the child sees as being capable of protecting them from being hurt again.All of the personalities begin as friends and allies…” We see this with Will’s first alter- Will the wise. Who Will described as having fire powers to attack smart bad guys. And who is based off the rules of d&d.

“ Persecutors are alters who purposefully harm the body, system, host, core, or other alters. Most of the literature on the development of these persecutory alters reports that they usually begin life as protectors and then, for some reason, turn on the host, becoming persecutory. Kluft, in 1985, describes the persecutors as initially "taking all the suffering for the others (alters & host). Persecutory personalities originate from the shame and anger related to the traumatic experience and to the perpetrator. “

‘It is usually during the transition between childhood to adolescence when childhood protectors becomes a persecutor.” And begin mimicking the ab*ser. We actually may have seen this transition at the end of s1- where WW became the mf. In d&d lore, mindflayers are created by inserting a tadpole into a human- like what we saw at the end of s1 where Will coughed up the slug from the upsidedown. Meaning all that supernatural stuff we saw Will do in s1 was actually Will the wise (ww) before he turned into the mf. While the flashbacks in s1 (and singing in castle byers) were of the Will we saw in s2-3.

Will says WW is a wizard ( writing on a music tape in s3 “will the wise-wizard mix’ and having his password for castle byers be ‘rhadaghast’- a lotr wizard.)The way they describe d&d Wizards matches Will/mf perfectly “Wizards are adepts and magicians . wizards are able to create spells of explosive fire, sparking lightning, subtle deception, and gross mind control. Their magic summons monsters from other planes of existence, predicts the future, and turns defeated enemies into zombies. Their most powerful spells can transform one substance into another, summon meteors from the sky, and open portals to other worlds”.

Nancy even accidentally calls the mf the “mind -flamer” (aka fire powers of ww ). Dustin says the mf “takes over minds using their highly developed psionic powers” (like wizards).We see Will the wise described as having fire/lightning powers and in the first ep we see him leave Mike’s house causing the lights to flicker, turn on his bike light with his mind (before being attacked by the demogorgan), blink once for yes and twice for no to communicate with Joyce, cause lightning to spark out of the phones twice, and be proficient in guns like Lonnie. We know the mindflayer is also associated with lightning/storms (but that’s only because it’s one of Ww’s abilities). When Hopper sees Joyce’s phone he even says “storm bq-ed this pretty good.“ And in s2 a scientist said the same phrase while in the upside down looking at the burned equipment the mf created. Showing a correlation between Ww and the mindflayer. CAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME PERSON. In the comic we see electricity come out of Ww’s hands. And in s1 he drew his wizard character with lightning (BEFORE) he went to the upside down. And in s2 WW was drawn with flames on his cloak.

Will in his cannon journal even draws the mind flayer with red lightning, and later uses red paper to sketch clouds/lightning and pastes a picture of himself on to it. Because deep in his subconscious (along with the memories of his father- he realizes he created the mf/ww). And Joyce even describes the tunnels he draws as “like lightning.” And note in s1 we are told Lonnie taught Will baseball (and this was when Jon told Will not to mimic him)- and suspiciously there is a baseball and baseball-mitt next to the ‘shadow monster’ (mf) drawing and a bat (next to the ww drawing in castle byers). Cause mf= ww. Will lies and says the mf is just a sketch for a story he’s writing- but even if that’s not exactly true. The mf is still something he unconsciously created.And of course Will is called ‘zombie boy’ and in s3 when Will watches a zombie movie and writes a d&d story about juju zombies- the mf creates zombies and creates a monster resembling the thing (because when Will was writing his d&d story he was next to the ‘the thing’ poster in s3. In s2 Will playing dig dug which is about underground mazes- so the supernatural underground caves are made. And it’s a callback to the s1 d&d game with “troglodytes “ (cave men). And in s3 the Russians had the underground lab too - sort of being the troglodytes in a way.And similar to s1, after Will watches poltergeist Will/ww is thrust into the same scenario as the little girl (being trapped in another dimension- where the mothers can only hear their voices and communicate to them through electronics ). Like how rolling the 7 in d&d caused him to be captured by the demogorgan in the game and real life. Nancy saying: “So this thing is like a brain that’s controlling everything.”Hopper then says “So how do we kill this thing shoot it with fireballs?”And Dustin says “ No, No, fireballs you summon an undead army.”But Mike actually nails it on the head when he says, “If the brain dies the body dies … closing the gate will kill him(referring to Will).Because it’s not the mindflayers’ brain - it’s Will’s brain- that both Will and the mf share!

In the episode after the mindflayer enters Will - the episode is literally titled “ Will the wise”. Here we see a ‘slow switch’ occur.”Slow switches are when two or more alters (Will and mf) are co-conscious to varying degrees and slowly blending and retreating to allow one alter (mf) to gain prominence .Some indicators that a switch may be about to occur include feeling "spacey.”

In this episode we don’t see A full switch but ‘blending’. “ A full switch is rarely necessary. Instead of an alter switching to front, they can exert passive influence on the alter currently at front (Will) . Passive influence can be described as intrusions from alters that are not currently prominent in the mind or using the body. This may manifest as ego-alien thoughts, knowledge, memories, feelings, emotions, opinions, preferences, urges, abilities, or actions. These intrusions may vary in strength and influence and may result in the fronting alter taking actions or voicing opinions that they can't explain or account for.”

We see this with Will’s ‘now memories’ the reason he refers to them as “now-memories” is because they are things he’s already experienced (as memories) but he’s only now remembering them- because of his “dissociative-amnesia’ . An example is Will fearing the tub, and yelling at his mom -confused at his own reaction. Because ww is the one afraid of the tub not Will.This is because this is one of the locations abuse often takes place. There’s at least 20 movies where a bad guy tries drowning someone in a tub. In splice, the cell, and the ring all incorporate an ab*sive father trying to drown his young child. In the cell the father would beat his son, burn him, called him homophobic slurs, and almost drowned him and causing a seizure.When Will tries to take a bath it’s overplayed with Mr Clarke saying (in front of a model of a human brain) - “Organisms instinctively respond to danger, expose a bacterium to a toxic chemical and it will flee or deploy some other defense mechanism. We’re very much the same.” As a flash of Will’s “now-memories” occur as he stares at the tub. And we see a zoom in shot of the back of his head (which Will said is associated with memories) . And Mike stares at Will’s empty desk.Meaning, Will’s starting to fear the bath as he’s starting to remember (subconsciously) what previously occurred there because of WW- Lonnie/tubs being the ‘toxic chemical’ in the analogy.

WW fully takes control/switches in the following episode ‘Dig dug’ when he wakes up from the nightmare of Hopper being attacked in the cave- this is indicated by zooming in on the drawing of ‘Will the wise’ before he wakes up. And explains his odd behavior- of being oddly quiet . Looking up surprised at all the cave/vine drawings on the walls. It’s common for alters to pretend to be the host when they switch. He displays being able see into the future (like Will describes WW him being able to do in s3- like when ww in s2 says Hopper will die), and he late tracks Hopper’s location by closing his eyes like the drawing of ww. Mike mentioning he’s a ‘superspy’ right after he finds Hopper- the next episode is even called “the spy” as Mike realizes he’s the mf and says he’s “the spy”. He initially tried to help until the soldiers burned him (causing a seizure like Lonnie previously caused) and later when they burn him again. He decides to kill them- similar to how El killed 2 men for putting her in solitary confinement multiple times.

However, I need to point out “ protectors are still and always protectors. What changes is the protective behaviors no longer look obviously protective and in actuality may be harmful and life threatening to the host.” He still acts as a protector saying he got upset when they hurt him/Will. And participating in a supernatural-extreme version of ‘thought snatching’.”thought snatching" (taking away your thoughts) can be caused by the actions of alters.” So he incorrectly tries wiping all of Will’s thoughts/memories to shield the body from past trauma.

Mf is also hinted to be under the category of a ‘ demon alter’- Will being handed the “devil’s baby” firework and in the background is a sticker of a demo(n)-dog . “Demon alters are often a form of protector known as a persecutor.Some people have alters which are supernatural beings. These are regarded as possession-form identities, if a person is consciously aware of the actions of the alter then the person may describe themselves as feeling "possessed" by an outside person, spirit, deity (god), or demon.”

“Attempts to banish them using religious techniques such as "deliverance" or exorcism do not work permanently, can be harmful and may prolong any internal war between alters and preventing healing .”

“Ignoring them, trying to shut them up or restrain them, punishing them, or any of the various attempts at “getting rid of them” will not only never work (their needs will only become greater and louder), they’ll become more and more traumatized as you confirm to them their every belief about the world.

“You can’t actually “get rid of them” anyway, so it’s far better to try and understand them. “

So yeah- our heroes literally did everything wrong to make it worse.And literally mimicked Lonnie who tied him to chairs in his shed (and like Brenner did to joyce/ Russians did to Robin & steve) or to a bed (like brenner to Terry/lonnie to Will) and hurt and burned him (like Lonnie). Also, FYI the person who was calling Joyce at the beginning of s2 and freaked her out, and later called during the excorcism was Lonnie- why WW freaked out over the call.Noah was even told to watch the excorcist for the burning scene at the end of the season. Even the movie implied it was all based on a similar trauma and it was in the girl’s head- she even while possessed had the male voice of the man who was implied to have ab*sed her and said phrases he said in the film. Similar to WW’s deeper non-human voice he used to try and tell them to ‘let him go.’

So in the next season he was worse than ever and wanted revenge on the people who tried to kill him. Because he fears they’ll come after him again and hurt him- similar to Kali who says the people who are still after her ( and burned her with a taser stick/nancy with burning stick) are still after them and will kill them.

We also see the mindflayer despite in the show and d&d lore be sensitive to sunlight pick the summer to come back. Now, why is that? The answer is simple it’s when Will started to realize his romantic feelings for Mike. Joyce at the beginning of the season says “You won’t think it’s gross when you fall in love”?But due to his ab*se - WW DOES! And Will just responds to Joyce , unconvincingly, saying “I’m not going to fall in love.” But he already has!

“Even non-ab*sive romantic relationships may provoke the protector’s vitriolic reaction if the relationship takes on a meaning which feels threatening. Simply feeling the possibility of closeness to another person may be the trigger because of the protector’s prior learning that trust and dependency lead surely and inevitably to ab*se and hurt.”(Mierendorf, 1993). EX: a persecutor alter who identifies herself only as "Me, Myself" was questioned about her anger and violence to the host.

" she began becoming interested in boys, and dates, and all that [she trails off], and I hated it and I didn't want any part of it. So I quit, I wasn't going to do any more ... nobody was ever gonna touch me ...And whenever that would happen with Gretchen [the host] it would hurt me and I would hate it and I'd hate her, and I'd hate her for letting that happen . i wanted to k*ll her”

Whenever the Mf is close and Will touches his neck it relates to his romantic feelings for Mike. 1st time it’s on one of their ‘movie dates’, 2nd time when Will is sad when Mike and El walk off together down the hill to make-out, , 3rd time right after he smashed castle byers after Mike says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, 4th time (after the fight with Mike) when Billy is yelling to open the door (a trigger) and confides in Mike, 5th time when Mike asks him to go away so he can talk to El in the hospital waiting area, and 6th time when Mike says he loves El.

And in s3, Mike says on a rainy day “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” (and similarly Lonnie called Will a “fag” and a “queer”). Then he leaves Mike’s house, tears-up all his sketches, comics, a pic of mike (things he loves). And uses a bat that Lonnie taught him to use -to destroy castle Byers (which was also built on a rainy day , after his dad left).He uses a bat, despite saying in s1 he doesn’t like baseball. He has a bat in castle byers (next to a WW drawing) and a mitt/ baseball in his room (specifically next to a picture of the mindflayer.) and Will looked at the Will the wise drawing and then destroys castle byers with a bat. Showing WW/mf are the same person and that WW (and even Will to some extent) is still not taking Jon’s advice about not mimicking Lonnie.He uses the bat (lonnie taught him to use) to try to “man-up” and destroy or even taint the things he loves- castle byers & Mike . And after this, he grabs his neck (which in s2 he said he associated with now-memories) and then says “He’s back” (aka Lonnie’s influence/mf). And then everything supernatural begins to escalate.

-“ another ‘threat’ the, the persecutor believes the host may pose in adolescence or adulthood is breaking the silence about the ab*se and/or the multiplicity. We then witness the protector’s desperate attempt to control the client, to “save him” from the expected dire consequences of revealing the secrets.”

“The persecutor frequently protects the host through scare tactics; through fear and intimidation. In order for this scare tactic to work the host must be convinced of the persecutor's capacity and willingness (even desire) to use the utmost in force and destructiveness. The persecutor must, in short, be viewed as Putnam described: "a fearsome, loathsome, deamon-like entity” .When the danger posed comes from outside the system the persecutor uses the same scare tactics, trying to impress the intruder (in this case the therapist, etc) with his or her ferocity and proclivity to violence.The persecutor therefore becomes increasingly loaded with hostility toward the host, to the point where the original protective function can be lost to their consciousness.Finally, it should be obvious that the persecutor who uses threats of violence to protect the host may be quite worried about either the host or others uncovering the underlying protective intent of their actions because it disarms the power of their threat.”

EX:” Susan was a 31 year old woman who came in for treatment when she started recovering memories of inc*st which had begun with f*ndling and proceeded to r*pe just prior to adolescence. Susan reported a host of dissociative symptoms as well as feeling as if she had a "monster inside me who wouldn't allow me to heal.”Before the next session the therapist received a letter from an ego state named Shadow. The letter detailed how big and fierce Shadow was and how she was supposed to be feared, have control, and all the power.In the next session Shadow revealed that she had been using fear to prevent Susan from disclosing the ab*se. Shadow firmly believed that Susan's father would kill them if the abuse were disclosed.”

“As Putnam notes, while the persecutor displays “extreme contempt toward the host,” paradoxically, “the dominant emotion of the persecutor may really be love” (1989, p. 207). In fact, it is this very love which propels the persecutor in the harassment of the host -feeling it is a way to protect them from perceived threats. “

“ They are NOT the actual ab*ser.They are just copying behaviors shown to them by bad people, not harboring the intent, sadism or immorality of the actual perpetrators. We understand this change ( from protector to persecutor) and displaying ab*sive behaviors does not reflect an underlying character structure.Instead we understand the change as demonstrating a past adaptive instrumental use of violence in an attempt to preserve the system in the face of a [perceived] threat.’

**Another words, for anyone confused- WW went from childhood protector to teen persecutor because of perceived threats. Will (the host) becoming aware of his romantic feelings for Mike and Will slowly and subconsciously gaining his memories of past ab*se - and WW fearing once he remembers he’ll tell someone. So he wants to prevent this by scaring Will and others .And does this by playing the role/character of a scary monster- mimicking the scariest things he knows Lonnie and the mf from d&d. It’s also possible like some persecutors he’s forgotten his original protective function or like other persecutors he’s simply masking how he’s trying to protect Will (because if anyone knew he cared for Will the threat wouldn’t be affective anymore).

‘Alters "should be treated with equal kindness," despite their behaviors.Persecutors are often "misguided protectors" which can be negotiated with. With ‘patience, persistence and kindness" they can be allowed to choose a different role once the person is safe from ab*sers. The persecutor can be "turned into a constructive force" (Watkins, 1978, p. 397) and become “one of the therapist’s strongest allies and can play a major role in the healing of the patient” (Putnam, 1991, p. 205) (*I’ll talk more about this in my s4 analysis) .With healing a non-human alter can even turn human again! "I have an alter who was a persecutor for a long time. A lot of people see persecutors as bad and sometimes even the persecutors themselves see themselves as bad. This alter saw herself as an ab*ser and carried an awful lot of self hate, but she wasn't bad really because her motives were to protect us even though she wasn't going about it in a very good way. She thought that if she punished us and scared us into 'keeping in line' then other people wouldn't have to hurt us. Eventually she learnt that hurting us wasn't necessary, so now she is trying to learn how to protect us in more healthy ways."

-Wizard

There’s also important inspirations for the show to mention that support this theory:

Montauk Project’- The original title for Stranger things was “Montauk”- in reference to the Montauk Project. It was about experiments conducted on psychic children, where the scientists would “break” them psychologically to strengthen their powers and to program them. Duncan who could “open portals to other dimensions- let loose a monster from his subconscious.”

‘A wizard of Eathsea’ (which suzie mentions in s3)- Is about a male wizard Ged (Will) who casts a powerful spell, but the spell goes awry and instead he releases a shadow creature! The new Archmage, Gensher, describes the shadow as an ancient evil that wishes to possess Ged. But the ‘shadow’ turns out to be a representation of the darkest aspects of his personality. And the only way for the chaos to stop is for ged and the shadow to merge.

‘the dark crystal’ movie poster in Mike’s room is about a race called urSkeks who inadvertently divided themselves into two separate beings; the violent, materialistic Skeksis, and the gentle, contemplative urRu. It was only when they merged back together as one could harmony and peace be restored to the world.

‘Long kiss goodnight’- both (’good’ and supposedly ‘bad’) personalities also integrate into 1 happy personality.

In d&d “it’s also possible, although rare, for an extremely powerful mind flayer wizard to become a true lich, also known as an illithilich. illithid's last desire upon death was to be rejoined with its elder brain.” ( Will’s mind/ he wants to integrate with Will).

Even the way the mindflayer/ ‘shadow monster’ functions is similar to the ‘shadow phoenix’/how integration in DID works. “They considered feeding on brains as a euphoric experience as it absorbed its victim's memories, personality, and fears.”

The dark phoenix (referenced in s1ep1) fails to merge with jean so goes to merge with her clone body as the next best thing. In this case the mf went to Will’s second alter William/Billy. And as Will states “another me”. Later Jean, Phoenix, and madelyn (clone) merge into 1 person- the new-jean now having the memories and personality traits of all 3.

in s1 Mr clarke describes the vale of shadows (later the upsidedown) as being created by “necrotic” (’dead’-zombie boy) and shadow (shadow monster) magic. In d&d the Vale of Shadows, is as a lush valley hidden in the mountains that holds a sacred pool with the power to make dreams reality. (In this case nightmares representing past ab*se). He even describes his ‘now memories’ as ‘like a dream’.

In ‘never ending story’ referenced in s3 - the land of Fantasia represents humanity’s imagination and is thus without boundaries. However ‘the Nothing’ (the physical manifestation of darkness) which has taken over Fantasia and it’s inhabitants is a manifestation of the ‘loss of hopes and dreams’.

Silent hill videogames/movies (duffers cited as inspo):. “The bad guys faked Alessa’s death. Kaufmann prepared a substitute body of alessa; and performed the fake "autopsy (like Will) .Alessa believed that their current world must be cleansed with fire (WW’s fire powers). Alessa had a very dark, violent, traumatic and ab*sive childhood: r*ped, beaten, tortured, and even burned , all by the age of 7- “it was a 7″). She had supernatural powers and was called a witch. She had precognition (future/intuition) and pyrokinesis (fire) which developed after her ab*sive mother burned her (like ww). It’s also implied Dahlia her mother would lock Alessa in their house's dark attic for long periods of time for any irreligious behavior (the trunk).Alessa was "always" sad, and Alessa only found respite when escaping to other worlds through fantasy to cope with and comfort herself in the face of her harsh reality. At times, Alessa seems to completely withdraw inward, perhaps as a result of years of trauma as there are many instances of her becoming unresponsive when questioned.Because of all of her ab*se Allesa’s soul split in 1/2 (becoming Alessa and Cheryl).Selfless at heart, she cared for her second half /reincarnation more than she cared for herself, wanting to spare them the hellish nightmare she endured at the hands of her ab*sive mother and her cult. For seven years (it was a 7), Alessa endured her suffering because she had not wanted to destroy whatever small happiness her other self was able to enjoy, but little by little, it became more than Alessa could bear. Alessa's latent psychic abilities are triggered and she shrouds Silent Hill in fog and an altered reality to prevent her mother's scheme from advancing. Many of the drastic changes that befall the town in the game, such as the horrific creatures that come to inhabit it, are conjured from her imagination and delusions. “ ( personally i think Lonnie went to the house offscreen in s1 and tried to take Ww- why when lonnie is at the byers house they zoom in on a bullet in the tv for some reason with no explanation on how it occurred). Cheryl and Alessa also later merge again .

mystic river-in the 80s, a young boy who plays baseball is r**ed by 2 men in a cabin in the woods and escapes and runs into the forrest . He imagines perpetrators as werewolves and vampires as a way to cope. And imagines he’s in a scary world that no one else can see (that disappears when he turns around). And he even has a split personality. He wishes he could turn into a undead monster so he doesn’t have to feel the pain of being human anymore.

other DID movies/show inspirations for St (some realistic /some more supernatural so resemble DID) : prince of tides,primal fear (realistic DID ,caused by childhood se*ual trauma).supernatural/ or non realistic DID: elfen lied, exorcist, and Audrey rose .

Now on to the next point- “chronologically, it is the persecutory alter personality who creates the first split. Helper alter personalities constitute the second split, and as such, constitute a defense against the first split. These two successive splits constitute the basic dissociation. Further alter personality formations are only of secondary nature. In order to cope with the first split, the host personality produces companions resembling [him] as a second defense.The alter personalities developing in the second phase originate from the desire of the host personality to regain her previous strength and from her striving to create alter personalities resembling herself who share the same aim with her.”

So to make it simple some alters are more based on Will in order to combat the alters more based on WW/mf (the 1st alter/. protector- persecutor). So let’s talk about other alters based on ww/mf.

Kali Prasad (avenger alter/ different race alter)

“The avenger holds the rage from the childhood abuse and may attempt to avenge themselves or seek retribution from the ab*ser.”

”Different race alters are generally created for the stereotypic or imagined qualities of that race, as experienced or perceived by the host personality. Fike gives the example of a Caucasian patient with a Native American alter personality who represented spirituality and other-worldliness. “ we actually see Kali who is the embodiment of her religious counterpart.Kali is a (Hindu goddess). And Prasad is a holy offering to gods and goddesses in hinduism.

Kali’s name means “destroyer of all evil forces” and in mythology she was considered “ a divine protector and the one who bestows liberation to her children”. However , the goddess Kali’s iconography is generally associated with death and violence and paradoxically (at the same time) “motherly love”. Kali is sometimes considered the goddess of death but more accurately she “brings the death of ego”. She only kills demons. She is considered one of “the most compassionate of the gods because she provides liberation to her children”. She is commonly depicted holding a sword and the head of a demon. “A latitude soul sees mother Kali as very sweet, affectionate, and overflowing with incomprehensible love for her children” (the numbers and her gang of misfits).She is called the Divine Mother & Mother of the Universe. And when talking to El the sign there’s a says ‘spiritual advisor’ behind her.

“ It has been suggested that a male child that is being ab*sed might create a female headmate because he needs a "mother" role in the attempt to soften what might be angry and aggressive behavior on his part as a male DID sufferer. “

we see other evidence of her being an alter as well. Her saying she feels ‘whole’ with EL around. And In the episode before Kali is introduced. Will describes his now memories as “spreading” “growing” and “killing”. Meanwhile, after this Kali describes her and El’s wounds (caused by their father) in the same fashion. Kali describes how El has to face her trauma or else, like it did with her it will “spread.” Kali later makes a imaginary Brenner to tell El the same words Will said earlier- saying she has to face her trauma or else it will “grow” and “spread “ and “kill” her. in never ending story (reffed in s3) Sebastian who unbeknownst to him created an imaginary mythical world with characters who’d copy phrases their creator Sebastian said.

She also says everyone sees her and El as monsters because of their powers- something ww/mf feels (literally becoming one because of this and his ab*se). And Kali and El say that people hurt them -so they should be allowed to kill them. Kali making the distinction (more aligned with the mf) saying the people who hurt her are still after her -so she’s just making the first move and killing them as preemptive self defense. Something the mf also does, saying in s3 El could have killed him, and targeting those that hurt him and said they wanted to “kill” him in s2 . It’s the same logic as Kali.

And before kali and El talk we see kali look up to el, as they pass by graphiti that says ‘barbelith” which in the comics ‘the invisibles’- is the connection between humanity and the holographic world that we see. Aka her and Kali interacting in what’s actually the innerworld. Like Dustin said about the upsidedown “it’s a parallel world existing right beside you, without you even knowing it.”

why the tv of Kali’s tormenter (who tased her as a kid) is watching a show about a kid having a nightmare about being held down and having a needle put in her arm that kept getting bigger and bigger. Like how WW was pinned down and forced to take a shot in the arm.

Even the butterfly she creates could be possibly connected to WW- because butterfly decorations are above the byer’s phone (WW electercuted). And similar to Kali’s description the ficitonal russians (npcs) are also very stereotypical based on what an american kid might hear about ‘evil soviets’. They also use the same tasers as Kali’s ab*sers in the lab. In some movies it’s implied Lonnie may have tased his kids so maybe that’s why? And we see like how the gang tied up the mf to a chair, and shot him with a needle needle- the russians do the same to robin & steve.We also see Kali and El attack a man at a gas station -similar to the russian hitman npc from s3.

And Kali rescues a girl (npc) from a mental health hospital -called ‘dottie’ which is a term for being mentally ill. Lucas also claims El may have escaped from a psych hospital. Personally, i think this is foreshadowing of Mike helping Will out of one (like how Dustin and Lucas bring up ‘myers’ escaping one), but I digress. in Kali’s place grafiitti also says ‘o’bedlam’a poem about neglected mentally ill beggers . And compares her crew (of npcs) to herself and El- like dottie (mentally ill) because she’s part of a did system. Axel with his knife (lonnie loves his hunting knives and used to threaten Will with them and thus did so to el). And El and Will share the same stuffed bear- ‘so there’s the care bear’, one of kali’s crew even wears a clown mask, and axel wears the mummy mask seen at Melvald’s where Joyce works. There’s also the connection of the ‘rainbow room’ (with a rainbow drawing) on the door - relating to Kali & El and Will’s rainbow-ship drawing.And kali also likes rock music like Will/Billy. And when El first sees her-she’s near fire (ww connection).

El (caretaker & gate keeper alter)

“A gatekeeper is an alter who controls switching or access to front, access to inside or certain areas inside, or access to certain alters or memories. The existence of a gatekeeper is highly stabilizing for a system because gatekeepers can to some extent prevent unwanted switching, failure to switch when necessary, or failure to switch to the correct alter. They can help to prevent traumatic memories from bleeding from the alters who hold them to alters who could not yet handle them. They might police the boundaries between subsystems.These alters help prevent traumatized alters from fronting. This can be important because there is a chance that the trauma holders may want to harm the body.” In case you haven’t realized ... el is a horrible gate keeper-opening the gate and leaving it open for a year, not sensing it being reopened in s2 or 3 (too busy thinking about mike in s2/ dating him in s3), and thus causing more trauma to Will (who started to remember old confusing and traumatic memories), and causing Billy, and Max to be traumatized.

she’s also most likely a caretaking alter-“Caretaking alters are a type of a protector, they help manage and care for other alters, and sometimes external people (for example children). “

“They are often motherly, and may be modeled on a real person (WW’s appearance- WW looking like Will except having brown eyes, and El looking like the female equivalent). “Caretaking alters lack awareness of self-care and become exhausted easy; they only have a limited role and have little capacity for play, exploration or socializing.” El fighting to exhaustion, being isolated for most of her life and being in the cabin for 9 months (s2-3), comforting billy/Will, and again only not abiding by this when Mike is involved -hurting Max out of jealousy.

Her inability to speak well could be from neglect and social isolation, but ‘Ab*sive groups are known to have created alters which appear either "crazy" or learning disabled, for example training alters to scramble or garble words so they can’t report ab*se.Alters may be disabled when the body is not, for example a mute alter may be created in response to abusers instructions, e.g. "Don't talk.”

El also shows the trait of ‘memory sharing’.

Memory sharing

“We’ve managed to create a system within us. In order to grant access to memories with each other we have to come to know each other and gain each other's trust. Caroline says “when the memory sharing happens- the best way I can describe it to a non DID person is by asking you to remember/think about a movie with Wizards or characters like from twilight where they have the power to touch you and let you see their visions and/or memories. Sounds crazy I'm sure— but that's as close as I can possibly describe it.The memories literally pour into me exactly like that. “

After Will disappears, El appears to the audience for the first time. Having similar sounding names and having a striking resemblance (and 1 syllable nicknames ending in L) . Troy, Benny, Hopper, and an eyewitness all initally assuming she was a boy. Hopper even tries to track down El, assuming it was Will who’s hair was shaved- asking “could it be Lonnie’s kid?” and the man responding “could of been the Byers boy”. Mike even says “Do you really think it’s a coincidence we found her in the same place Will disappeared?”The answer being No. The song “Alice” (from alice in wonderland) plays when El is at the restaurant -indicating El has entered a new world (our world). *Also, both Alexi and El are bribed with hamburgers to give the adults info they need.

El is an alter based on WW . Like WW she is afraid of the underwater sensory deprivation tanks her dad made her go into (Lonnie and ww with the tub). in s1 El used the pool/sensory deprivation to contact Will- the episode is even called “the tub” . And she thinks of this idea to talk to Will -after staring at the tub in the byers house and then remembering the deprivation tank. When in the pool or ‘tub’ at school the water slowly becomes dark as she enters the darkness- the void is a connection to the mf/ shadow monster.

She unlocks doors and it’s framed ominously just like the demogorgan does in the first ep. In d&d lore Mindflayers have “telekinetic abilities akin to mage hand (El was called a mage) and telekinesis.” I still think the mf may now have her telekenesis (which was originally his to begin with). We also see El fade away with the demogorgan as she and the demogorgan mimic each other’s body language. This was probably supposed to be El most likely integrating with the demogorgan (until the Duffers admitted to changing their minds). And In s1/2 she has black veins appear while not being possessed.

Dustin in s2 mentions the mf “doesn’t know it’s true home.” which is illustrated by El wandering around as Hopper, Becky, and kali try to convince her they’re her home. El saying she’s the monster in s1 is also how the mf aka WW feels about himself. And Will/ww was thrown in the dark trunk by Lonnie (perhaps after refusing to shoot an animal ) so for El it became Brenner throwing her in a dark room in solitary confinement after refusing to kill a cat. in s1 El draws similar to Will/ww and draws Brenner with a 3rd leg (cause even if brenner didn’t do so to her - the memory bled through from ww). Benny suspected El has been “ab*sed or something” and she didn’t seem to understand privacy -undressing in front of the boys.

El cries thinking of the time she killed a squirrel (typical hunting game) and eating it and somehow knowing how to make a fire (a Ww skill). El when re-enacting this forgotten experience of WW’s , spots a sketchy ominous hunter and throws a fired projectile at him and runs. Like WW who uses his fireballs to hurt the bad guys- in this case the hunters (Lonnie and his buddies). Similar to the demogorgan who killed 2 hunters in s1.

When she goes into the void and sees the demogorgan- we even hear a clock ticking in the background indicating this is associated with the past. When Will encounters the mf a similar thing happens- as the clock moves unnaturally. And similar to the mf she attacks her abusers and throws them into a wall (which mf did in s3). Throwing Nancy into a wall after she burned him.

Unfortunately in the ‘long kiss goodnight’ a girl with multiple personalities (Will/ww) was thrown and tied up in a trunk and when the trunk was opened the main villain tried to sell her for... you know . Then she escapes and jumps off a cliff into the water to escape the r**e (quarry flashback?) . This guy later tries to drown her too. While in skyfall, number-tattoos on the wrist were indicative of being sold into the s*x tr*de (El/kali’s tattoos- Will saw something?) . I really hope this isn’t the case - but this is the man who wanted to make money off his son’s death to to pay off his gambling debt. In one movie the bad guy sold his gf for a case of beer and some smokes, while playing a card game. And unfortunately, the fact Will was triggered to see the mf after Mike says “i’m not pr*stituting my sister?” may indicate something from the past as well (maybe Jon saying something ?). Along with El being chased by “bad men”. It’s possible those 2 hunters were pals with lonnie and got what was coming to them. On to the next point-

El - is the Cannanite (male) god associated with “salt water “ (pool filled with salt in s1) who “dwelled in a tent” (in s1 Mike’s blanket fort) . In s1 El owns a male lion doll and Will has a female lion . The fact El first appeared looking like a boy, is named after a male god, El in spanish translates to “he”, and she has a male lion toy could symbolize a few things. In ‘prince of tides’ when the boy cried the dad yelled for him to go put on a dress.In ‘the cell’ the ab*sive father beat his young son with a belt, burned, and drowned him (causing a seizure), threw homophobic slurs at him, and called him a ‘women’ multiple times while beating him. And said “I’ll teach you to be a woman.” Some specialists say one of MANY possible reasons a boy may have a female alter is cause they were “forced to cr*ss dress “ but obviously that’s not the only possible reason. (And no, this doesn’t apply to trans women- making sure no one tries putting words in mouth). I think of the moment where boyish-looking El runs away into the woods, and takes off her wig and screams in anger at the reflection of herself in the water -may be a recreated event from the past). The fact El [is a male god] and in spanish El (the way it’s spelled in the show means “he’) is also possibly intentional . In addition to the fact El is the only alter who physically resembles Will and is the only one with a buzzcut , unlike Kali (who in the flashback at Hawkins lab had all her hair) is something to take note. El could be an inverse of Will’s experience. El as a girl was stripped of her femininity from her papa. Because Will was a boy forced to dress girly cause of his dad . El having a male lion and Will having a female lion being used to symbolize this. WW was the one who went through this abuse and also had brown eyes like El ( unlike Will)- so in regards to physical appearence she is his ‘girl version’.Since like many ab*sers Lonnie gave Will mixed messages he could never abide by . In mad max furry road the villain named ‘daddy’ forced his sl*ve to shave their head and branded them with a tattoo like El (he also had 3 s*x s**ves)

-in s2 the song ‘don’t mess around with Jim’ plays. Upon character introductions of lyrics “Jim walker” pans to Jim Hopper and “boy named Will-ie Mccoy” (pans to El).

-Hopper in ep1 mention (El)eanor Gilipse-surname of girl in silent hill with powers/DID.

-the never ending story ref also alludes to how El was created by Will similar to another superpowered human (ww). El is atreyu and Will is sebastian. El is atreyu- who is said to be the chosen one. He falls from a great height and on to the beach shore, and comes across abandoned ruins, and then the villain gmork latches his jaws on to his leg (like El). It’s revealed atreyu isn’t actually the chosen one and everyone was wrong . And it was actually the poor human kid (Sebastian - who has a bowl cut and one parent and secretly had imagination-powers ) . Atreyu is told to look at the mirror of his ‘true self’ and is shocked to see Sebastian (his unknown creator) looking back at him. “turn around , look at what you see. In her face- the mirror of your dreams.”

-In the novel Sebastian even temporarily went evil when he lost all his memories except those of his father- similar to Will/ww. Sebastian created the whole fantasy story and it’s inhabitants (with their own sentience). So only he had the capability to remove the darkness from the fantasy world they inhabited. The darkness representing the loss of hopes and dreams.

-Elfen lied (another inspo for the series according to the duffers)- has a Super-powered protagonist/anti hero/ and tragic villain.”She has three split personalities due to past trauma . The three are Lucy, Nyu, and Kaede. Kaede : (childhood love/friend of Kouta) from ‘mapple house’ (cough- ‘mapple street’/ Will). Nyu: is mentally the age of a young child in the body of an adult, who can barely speak, and found by Kouta after she escapes the lab who experimented on her .Nyu is like a very sheltered child and has a very tiny outlook on the actual world and can only speak one word at the start of the anime (El).Lucy:Her violent personality, who has a distaste and hate for humans after humans traumatized her as a child. Although deep down she wants to be human (mf).”

We also see both the Will/mf and El called spies, have ptsd, described as ‘quiet’, and had their dads force them to kill animals. El growls like an animal after the mf growls at her first. And in regards to the supernatural Ww and El both have powers. They both could communicate through different dimensions using electronics. Both of their moms’ had “crazy aunts” . Both are called “schizos” in s2 because of their powers (did is most commonly misdiagnosed with schizophrenia which i do think that will occur initially- mrs driscoll not being believed about the supernatural because of her being a ‘paranoid schizophrenic’ is foreshadowing). Both Will and her had their brain waves monitored at the lab and their measurements were off the charts, plus they were being unknowingly recorded on video.They both tore through walls (with that pink gunk between the normal world and upside down). El even goes through the entrance covered in goo (like a baby) as a hint she was born from the upsidedown!

We see in Terry’s place (El’s room) symbols associated with Will- clowns and rabbits ( like how Lonnie made Jon kill rabbits on hunting trips). They even chose white rabbits- like those in Alice in wonderland and earlier associated with El.

El/ww can also both can track others when concentrating -Ww found Hopper, El found Will. Both communicated psychically by transferring their conscious- El to talk to Mike in his basement using the void (in s2) & Will to his mom in the living room (in s1). Also before Will goes missing , he asks Dustin for his X-men comic- later in reference to El, Dustin asks “Do you think El was born with her powers like the X-men?” And when Mike says El is “channeling him (Will)”. Dustin says “like professor x”-clearly hinting that they were both born with powers, like the X-men.

However, El is how Max described “her own person.” When Dustin says she’s “like a wizard (like ww) Mike corrects him and says “more like yoda.” And the longer she stays in the real world the more differences she has to Will/ww as she evolves into her own person. She doesn’t have many interests in common with Will :d&d, scifi, computers, science, horror movies etc. And like i’ve explained in other posts - she isn’t actually in love with Mike. And her obsession with mike not only inhibits her role as an alter but her own independence/personhood , along with Will’s healing ( which depends on Mike and other’s support). I think the main reason we never see Will & El interact significantly (despite the parallels) is because they’re growing apart as they develop as people and go on divergent paths. I feel like if someone doesn’t integrate it’s most likely El (and probably Max). While Kali most likely integrates- since she was brought to tears by seeing another alter and said she feels “complete” with El - hinting she’ll probably desire to integrate into Will/ww in the future. in ‘annihalation’ a poc woman with a 8 tattoo on her arm integrates with others into a god like creature too . EL may eventually go by Elle [in french means ‘she’] when she becomes her own person, and gains independence, perhaps?

demogorgan (fictional alters or ‘fictive’)

“Fictional introjects specifically are based off of fictional characters. These characters can be from television shows, movies, books, fantasy, and other forms of fiction.They don't have to think, act, look, or feel in the exact same ways that the fictional character does. Some fictional introjects can be ab*sive, and form as a way to continue traumatizing the system.”

“ One of the main purposes of a father introject is to control your behavior when you are away from the father with the same intensity as if you were right in front of him. The father may have a variety of parts that are loyal to him, his beliefs, his ways, etc.’

in d&d a demogorgon is a “demon from the abyss”. And are also called “the deep father” , indicating his connection of being based on Lonnie. We even see Lucas hand Will a ‘devil’s baby’ firecracker (and behind will is a sign that says demon-dog) to indicate that Will’s father is the ‘devil’. The demogorgan is also first referred to as “the man without a face” in the show. Steve suggesting he does have a face but he was wearing a mask. And when Lonnie first ‘comes back’ to Hawkins Jon says “mom, did that thing (demogorgan) come back.” And Lonnie cuts him off after the comment saying ‘that’s enough’. Lonnie also mentions to Joyce he explored the woods where Will went missing. And later Jon mentions how the demogorgan only ventures several miles from his house -like lonnie. Jon also tells Nancy about how his dad forced him to go on hunting trips and in s1 we see the demorgorgan kill a deer (typical game), attack hunters, and capture Will in the shed (which contained the riffle and sleeping bags for camping). We are also told in s1 Lonnie taught Will baseball, and when the demorgorgan knocks the bat out of Jon’s hand he gets on top of him- putting his face close like he was about to kiss him. We even see in s2 - the pic of the mf next to a baseball bat and mitt. And the demogorgan on multiple occasions was mistaken for a bear (which Will sketches and El also is into teddy bears) and bears symbolically represent “wisdom” (will the wise).

And Lonnie when closing the hole in the wall says someone has to be blamed for what happened to Will- and it transitions to Mike tearing a hole in paper and explaining what happened to Will with the demogorgan. Lonnie caused the ‘tear’ in Will’s psyche. Lonnie is even the one to mention how people ‘make things up to cope.’And how people in the city are “more real” (possible alter foreshadowing).

In d&d demorgorgons also have 2 heads with distinct personalities, one wanting to stay as one and the other wishing to separate (a hint at Will’s DID and the fight between WW wanting to integrate personalities and Will not wanting to do so).

~El ,Kali, and the demogorgon being alters is why we see the lights flicker when the demogorgan appears , and (sometimes) when El and kali use their powers- cause they’re based off ww who has lightning/electricity powers which we saw in s1. Causing the lights to flicker at Mike’s place, turning the bike light on with his mind, causing sparks of electricity to come out of the phone 2x , using lights telepathically to talk to joyce (blinking ‘once for yes and twice for no’, and using the lights to tell Joyce to “run”).

demodogs/dart (animal alters)

“In some cases, what presents as an animal is really a child alter acting as an animal. This is found in cases where the abused child was forced to act as an animal, usually a dog.”

In mad-max the r**ist biker gang - ties up one of their victims on a leash like a dog. In unleashed the adoptive father made his son where a collar and called him ‘his dog’. ‘Orphan’ the girl wore a collar and the bullies pulled on it calling her a ‘doggie’ and she starts screaming and having an episode in school. In s1 Hopper says he likes the book cujo , that one of the guards is reading, and at the end of the book they replace the dog Cujo with a dog named Willie. In ‘the cell’ the villain put dog collars on his m*rder v*ctims cause he wanted to ‘own them’. In ghost Busters, Mike -is Venkman- and Will -is Dana Barret. Dana finds a demon-dog in her fridge, and hires the ghost busters. And right before Venkman goes on a date with her she is possessed by the big-bad, Zuul, (who controls demo(n)-dogs). The s4 movies also allude to Lonnie possibly k**ling chester his dog cause when he was stalking Will (offscreen) chester would bark at him - like how he barked at the demogorgan - one of the only other times we hear a dog bark is when we see Lonnie (at his place).

*There’s also the parallels of Dart to El. Dart killed a cat. While El’s papa tried to make her kill a cat (which dogs stereotypically don’t like-Lonnie most likely forced Will to kill a cat. ).Heck the russians even reference cats -linking them to El and the demodog. El/Dart also both have sweet tooths (eggos and 3 muskateers). Both were called traitors and ran away- and initially caused a rift in the group. And dustin and Mike said they made “promises” to El/dart and that dart/el “trusted them” (mike &Dustin)”. Lucas in s1 also called El a ‘dog’ and El asked, annoyed, if she was Mike’s “pet”.

Jim hopper : Introject & adult alters

“System introjects are alters who are replications of a person from the outside world , who often believe they are the actual person (and not the replication). They may adamantly believe that they are a different person . These parts contain a lot of memories, factual information, emotional realities for how it was like to be near the outside person.Introjects can also be based off of figures that the dissociative child found strong, courageous, heroic, or otherwise worthy of being emulated and internalized and could theoretically protect them.”Jim even means to “supplant” (replace) or “supresede” (take the place of a person or thing previously in authority or use). Meaning, there was a Jim Hopper (Joyce knew in highschool) and a Jim Hopper alter based on him.

“older adult alters are created to serve a nurturing or parenting role, thus serving as a protector. (*protecting Will/el) . However, sometimes the age is related to taking on the identification of the ab*ser, and can therefore take on any of the other more hostile roles... Introjects which are mimicking ab*sers are trying to "keep you inline" in order to protect you from external ab*sers. They don’t dare relax their vigilance or let you fall away from the OLD RULES that were once so important.They are trying so hard to keep you safe. “

We even see the convo he has with El, is similar to Neil and his ex wife- a man berating the girl after coming home, calling her a liar, and asking about what man they saw. And El yelling and saying Hopper is “like papa” when he yells at her (the same season dr owens called him Will’s “pop”. Would not be surprised if Lonnie would berate Will about seeing Mike. There’s even a physical resemblance- blonde, blue eyes, and similar moustaches to him and Neil.And he also parallels Billy & Max in s3 with the ‘door’ imagery.

“Being an introject is a difficult and thankless task. This member of your system has spent all these years acting out a role that they dislike every bit as much as you do.” *(berating El about the rules- that were most likely initially Lonnie’s. A part of me suspects that cabin wasn’t Hopper’s grandfather’s but Lonnie’s secret cabin where he took Will. And berate Will about seeing Mike. He was shown in s1 fixing the hole in the wall. And Hopper says about the cabin “ A LOT OF HISTORY HERE’ ).

We see other alter hints too -He taught El morse code (which Will already knew). Murray says Hopper reminds Joyce of a previous “bad relationship” (lonnie). And the russians in order to get info, t*rture steve and threaten to rip out his finger nails , while, Hopper threatens to break the mayor’s fingers for info.

And when a Russian goes into the carnival game in a room with tigers and clowns, the speaker says “ if you dare enter the cave of horrors you may never know what you may find around the corner (clown laughs) . Don’t show your fear in the presence of the tiger or you may never escape this cave alive”.As he jumps out the tiger roars in unison with Hopper leaps out to attack.

The song you ‘don’t mess around with jim’ (from s2 and 3 that Jim dances and sings to ) is about a boy named Willie beating up a thug (who wears a hat) named Jim (representing resentment of father figures). We see Villains have zoom in shots of their cigareete trays- like the h*tman, Billy posessed by the mf, and Hopper before he yells and threatens El in s2.

In s1 It’s implied Hopper is addicted to pills , was an alcoholic (both him and Lonnie have many beer cans and cigareettes in their house- would not be surprised if Lonnie also had a pill addiction too) .

Introjects “ are NOT the actual ab*ser. They are a victim, a single part within a large beautiful mind, bred from the survivor's essence.They are just copying behaviors shown to them by bad people, not harboring the intent, s*dism or imm*rality of the actual perpetrators.”

“The introject in your system was there to help you when the stakes were very high and their job was deadly serious. It’s difficult for them to let go of that level of urgency. introjects represent how important it was, at one time in your life, to always be vigilant. Danger was always near you and you had to be careful of every move and every word, because your very survival might depend on not doing or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.”

‘ introjects also represent the desperate hope that, if you could only do everything just right, obey all your ab*ser’s rules and anticipate exactly what was wanted of you, that it might lessen or even prevent some of the ab*se from happening. And gain approval or love from the ab*ser.”

We also see how he’s based on the mf/ww in a few ways: he describes his depression in s3 as being in a “deep dark cave” (the supernatural cave in s2/cave of horrors at the fair) and in s2 he says he thinks of himself as a “black hole” that will destroy everything around him including his daughter (the mf/Lonnie).

Now, cause people will mention it. We can’t take everything David says about Jopper seriously- he filmed s4 in advanced and lied constantly about the duffer’s not contacting him prior to this. I think he bs-es a lot and occasionally throws in hints. Like how in behind stranger things after mentioning Lonnie and Bob he compares jopper- to Jack and Evelyn from china town (who slapped her for lying -like Neil did to his wife. And we see duffers laugh hysterically and shawn exchange a look with them cause they know David is giving a hint that isn’t positive). And evelyn was also r*ped by her father (there’s at least 30+ st movies the Duffers have cited with that dad plot point, unfortunately . Along with about 6-10 DID movies). David said in an interview with total film : “ In terms of Stranger Things, you’ll be able to look back at season one and see a lot of things that happen further down the line that relate to that.I’ve had those discussions with them from the very first season. We were always interested in that idea of the Gandalf resurrection – Gandalf the Grey who fights the Balrog and then becomes Gandalf the White.” Well this is a lothr ref (Which Will is into) but i think it’s also just a Will and ww hint -since in silent Hill when Alessa and cheryl mege back into 1 they become a deity- a serene white-clad figure, even the dragon relates to Will. But, there’s also the fact David in multiple interviews describes Hopper as a ‘little boy’ . After s4 started he said about Hopper with Gold DERBY “ he’s also like a little boy who has been just so traumatized and so hurt that he can’t really have relationships with people that are full and that are honest... it makes it difficult for him to get close to people... all the joyce st-...There’s a lot to be revealed around the complexities of that story . Because when we know the ending you’ll be able to go back and watch it and see what we were planting in s3 , that paid off in s4 and s5. That will make those intimacy issues a lot more understandable.”

Since Hopper-alter thinks he’s the real-Hopper (Joyce’s old friend/ possible ex) he hits on Joyce.There’s the references to back to the future. Steve incorrectly saying it’s about alex keaton “trying to b*ng his mom.” And stobin’s exchange about the movie alludes to what Jopper actually is “I think that lady is trying to bang her son/ no, but, they’re the same age?/ He needs to get back to the future ,which is his time, cause he’s stuck in the past (trauma)/ W-What?”

And the season where Jopper was the most evident we see another alter (Billy) hitting on someone who is old enough to be/ resembles his mom. Her being a wheeler could also represent Will’s repressed feelings for Mike. Along with Illustrating his subconscious issues with parental figures cause of Lonnie. Dianne (Hopper’s ex wife) - even is a roman goddess of hunting.

In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the Anerican soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand, slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is while in solitary he has flashbacks of his life- and it’s more hints about him being an alter -the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see). And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . For instance in s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. It accounts of Billy Pilgrim's capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II, and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy's life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.

We also see Hopper being violent/aggressive to Mike foreshadowing how Lonnie will treat Mike (difference is it’ll be played completely serious).

Sara : “littles “ also called a child alter (not based on ww)

“Child alters often talk in a child-like way, but unlike a biological child they can normally understand abstract concepts and long words. Some child parts may ... be playful and fun-living and have only positive memories. A child alter may also be an idealized representation of the "perfect child" from the "perfect" family, for example the "good boy/girl."

we see this in a few ways- Sarah winning the spelling bee (like Will winning the science fair) and Hopper describing her as very intelligent, but not knowing where she gets it from. She in the 1st episode is said to love science like Will (who won the science fair 4x) , and knows how to spell words like ‘odontalgia’. In s1, Joyce and Hopper pretend with Sara and Will to be a witch and an ogre eating them.And in s1 Will and her both own cat plushies. she has a tiger plushie (mascot of Will’s school, like with billy’s baseball mascott also being a tiger/ Will’s painting). And her hospital gown has clowns on it (Will’s fear). Hopper even pauses and has a flashback of sarah’s tiger when he sees Will’s lion plushie in the upsidedown .And when Will has a vine in his mouth imagines sarah with tubes in her mouth.We see despite the fact Hopper didn’t move to Hawkins until after her death- she appears to be at Hawkins lab?

And Holly’s drawing is similar to el’s in s1.And , in s1, like Will she has an episode alluding to her seeing the void as she turns her head scared seeing something no one else can.Then in s2, Hopper says Sarah became obsessed with blackholes - and latter says that blackhole (mf?) got her. It’s possible she saw the void or even the mf and misinterpreted it as a blackhole. And so she didn’t actually die of cancer - it was probably just symbolic of her integrating into the mf/ww (the blackhole ‘getting her’). Or it’s possible she’s just alive/in stasis in the innerworlds after her ‘simulated death’

Also can we mention how there’s lions, tigers,and bears (as plushies)- oh my. Along with the whole “home references”. Wizard of oz is on the movie list, and 2 wizard of oz movies shown in s3.

Robin Buckley

Robin Buckley (possibly an alter?)- Robin discusses with steve the legend of Prometheus , who not only gave human beings the gift of fire, and therefore civilization, but created them, giving them the gift of life. El watches frankenstein in s2 whose novel was titled “the modern prometheus”(another hint WW/Will created El). Steve when looking at Robin even says the biblical verse “let there be light” (the beginning of creation and human beings-i.e Robin).”And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.” (wow this doesn’t sound just like the black-watery-void in the upsidedown at all) XD. Robins were also considered holy birds by the God thor (the god of Thunder and lightning). She’s gay, into comics, rides a bike, and is afraid of drs just like Will is, and was tied to a chair for info like ww. She references surfing (billy) and has a spy storyline. She’s a smart, into rock music and wants to fit in . And makes fun of her friends’ love-lives to hide her own insecurities about her own romantic feelings and sexuality (that weren’t accepted at that time). And has feelings for a girl who can’t sing (mike) who pays too much attention to a person who didn’t even like them (Steve/El) . Buckley could be a ref to a ‘buck’ deer (like the one the demogorgan killed in s1/ typical hunting game). And another legend says that the Robins were red because it scorched its bre*st in the fires of Purgatory, mercifully taking drops of water in its beak for the lips of the parched souls in torment( the opposite of devil-lonnie).Robins also feature in the traditional children's tale Babes in the Wood, the birds out of kindness cover the de*d b*dies of the 2 abandoned children found in the woods with strawberry leaves (who had been k*lled by an abusive family member) . Not sure if mrs driscoll (being a strawberry name is a coincidence to that whole cherry/strawberry/heathers movie ref with alexi? Robin is also a unis*x/male name like most of the other gals on the list. While her crush ‘tammy’ (means ‘twin’. could be a clue about Robin being an alter?).

the rebuttal could be simply: buckley can mean ‘goat’ which would match her bff’s surname Harrington (’he-goat’). And just be a cute little nod to them.While Robin means ‘bright fame’ just like our fallen super-hero Bob ( since robin and bob are nicknames for Robert)- so could also be a simple nod to him.But her names could be both a nod and a deep ref- who knows.

Barb

Barb- Barbara means “strange” or “foreign” , while Barb means “stranger”. Her name could also be based on the saint Barbara- who was carefully guarded by her father who kept her locked up in a tower (like Hopper & Brenner to El/Lonnie to Will) in order to preserve her from the outside world . He later tries killing her. However, as punishment, he was struck by lightning on the way home and his body was consumed by flame (connection to ww who likes using fireballs against bad guys and who also has lightning powers). She’s best friends with a wheeler (although pictures show us unlike byler they’re not childhood friends). she may have been queer coded and had feelings for her bff (moping after Nancy leaves to sleep with Steve) . In a s1 flashback Will specifically watched ‘poltergeist’ with his mom- and is then thrust into the same scenario as the little girl (being trapped in another dimension- where the mothers can only hear their voices and communicate to them through electronics ). And barb’s pool scene echos the pool scene in the movie too-a women being attacked in a pool ( and could be considered similar to being attacked in a tub/sensory deprivation tank). And similar to El , she wakes up in the upsidedown and pukes up a white fluid calling for Wheeler- but gets no help. Unlike Will. For Halloween she also dressed up as a scary clown (Will’s fear) when Nancy dressed up as a bunny (an animal lonnie forced them to kill). She also is dragged away in a similar way to Billy -down stairs.

Her mom’s first name (Marsha) also has the same meaning as Martin Brenner- ‘war like’. A hint Lonnie is violent or maybe was a vet?

Other npcs

Besides the russians, we also have some of the americans who experimented in Hawkin’s lab: most notably Brenner and becky/terry Ives.

“Some survivors will internalize their family into their own DID system.“

Brenner and Lonnie have similar appearances (and in the original script he was suppose to be unshaved and wear plaid and jeans... prob too obvious to keep) . They forced their kids to kill animals, threw them in a dark places, submerged them into water, and also praised them when violent, and tied people to beds (yes lonnie did that - why mf and terry are both tied up there). Brenner even means- ‘someone who cleared forests by burning (showing his connection to ww with fire, and because forests is where hunting/ab*se took place).His collegue - the blond women’s name , Fraizer means - “of the forrest men” (the male hunters who terrorized Will/ww most likely).

Terry/ Becky Ives.Becky means “snare-a trap for catching birds or animals”. While Terry (Teressa means “huntress’) .While Ives means- yew wood (a tree).Terry’s backstory should also raise eyebrows when we see when going to Hawkin’s lab that the Byers’ car is there (a tip off this story isn’t reality but from Will’s subconscious).

Terry also turns in pain on the bed and sees sunflowers. And Will has a sunflower book next to his bed.

While Terry has an appearance similar to Jon’s (blonde and almond shaped brown eyes and Terry is a unis*x name) and both steal guns and drive a long distance in order to help rescue Will/el. This is the season of ‘mr mom’ after all (where Jon takes pics of Will on Halloween just like the other moms). Becky also compares Terry to Joyce too by saying Hopper would have been her type . And both joyce and terry/becky have a “crazy aunt” and were both deemed as ‘crazy’ when not believed about their children being kidnapped and indeed alive. we also see in El’s room (that Terry decorated) -bunnies (that lonnie forced the boys to kill) and clowns (Will’s fear). Along with fox’s which were in castle byers. We also see Owl’s in both the byers’ and Ive’s house (which also represent ‘paranomal wisdom’). And Winona mentioned the movie ‘prince of sands’ in an st interview. In that the psychiatrist interviews the older brother to fill in the memory-gaps of his sister (who has DID so can’t remember) he eventually admits both were r*ped as kids. And also tells a story in therapy about how their mom m*scarried and the dad threw the st*llborne in the freezer over night-so let’s hope throwing the demodog in the freezer and Terry’s miscarriage doesn’t have that traumatizing meaning. It’s also possible Terry isn’t an npc but a type of alter-given how her and El participated in ‘memory sharing’ and Terry’s power’s affected lights.”An alter may be stuck in an eternal flashback or refuse to accept that anything has changed since the period of time during which they experienced trauma“ (Terry being trapped in the time-loop after being tied to the bed/attacked).

Npcs ...but possibly other alters

I believe susie was a npc created because Will felt bad for Dustin - after the max/lucas situation. so he made what he assumed would be the perfect girl for him. She even has the same name as Max’s mom:susie vs susan. He met her from camp ‘Knowhere’ ( she’s from no where). The blonde american spy (who is also an npc) even mentions a science tech camp in s1 that dustin goes to in s3 .She has space related stuff in her room like sarah, wizard of oz poster (referencing Will), and she reads the ‘wizard of Earthsea’ -about a boy-wizard named jed who realizes the evil ancient shadow he’s been fighting is actually the dark part of his personality -and he needs to merge with it to bring balance. Everyone questions if she’s real or exists- similar to el asking Kali “are you real?”Stranger things instagram posted a fake movie poster- emulating ‘weird science’. A movie about 2 boys creating a ‘perfect women’ from scratch for them and comparing this created gal to susie (they aren’t endgame with this girl in the movie-despite her original programing). Like susie/dustin not being endgame.

Dustin on his canon spotify playlist even has the song ‘weird science’.Her appearance is based off what most boys liked, celeb ‘phoebe kates’. And it may be just a narrative device but in s2 Max lies about mormons at the door, the season before she appears.

And of course her song alludes to what’s happening in the narrative. “Make believe I'm everywhere Given in the light (demogorgan/ lonnie in shed) .dream a dream and what you see will be ( his nightmares based on his ‘memories’)/Rhymes that keep their secrets WILL unfold behind the clouds (mf on his clouds and lightning).And there upon a rainbow (Will/ his powers/ accepting his queer identity and healing) Is the answer to a never ending story.’

Similarly, Heather Holloway is most likely from Will’s mind (my guess an alter)-and her appearence is also based on Phoebe. In the show , they reference ‘fast times’ where Phoebe wears a red bathing suit just like Heather. Billy also mimics phoebe by slow-mo walking in a red bathing suit to the same song phoebe did in the movie.

After El and Max see the pic of Heather and her dad the lyric ‘loving you is a sin’ plays. And she shows an aggression mostly to her father- with her mom she simply dr*gs her but for her father she hits him in the head with a bottle and gags him with a rag and ties him up and throws him in the trunk after she was similarly tied up and thrown in the trunk (unlike the mom who was in the back seat). Billy and Heather were the ones with the most focus during their possessions - and Will said the mf would target “another me” ( another Will). She is str*ngled in the shower and later drowned in a tub into a dark abyss screaming for help before merging with the mf. Both susie and heather are names symbolizing flowers.Susie- means Lily. While Heather is also a variety of small shrubs with pink or white flowers which commonly grow in rocky areas.Holloway is a topographic surname, which was given to a person who resided near a physical feature such as a hill, stream, or type of tree. Also her dad (Tom- means ‘twin’ which could be another DID hint.like Tammy Tompson along with their names being associated with the nature/woods where ab*se took place).

Possible npcs or alters (BUT possibly just normal people from the real world) :

Murray Bauman (possibly an npc or alter?)- Between seasons Joyce mentioned going to Chicago with Will for therapy- where murray is from. Similar to Will who has a ‘do not enter” sign . Murray has a “keep door closed”. Both are proficient with shotg*ns . Murray drinks and smokes a lot like Hopper/Lonnie. He makes up a story about how what happened to Barb being a chemical leak. And next season the possessed are consuming chemicals and the npc russians are experimenting with chemicals. Hopper lied in s1 about having a friend from the times- and in s2 Murray from the times magically appears. He says Jon is easier to read than Nancy and immediately pegs his issues with his dad. He references Wizard of Oz by saying “people don’t like looking behind the curtain” (in the movie what was behind the curtain was a wizard-Will). He also has cameras everywhere like the american npcs. Also, it’d be pretty funny if he was investigating crazy conspiracies like aliens but never realized he was a part of one all along.

Erica-Not on the inspo list but she could be like Buffy’s sis from buffy the vampire slayer. The memories of Buffy and her associates were altered, along with relevant records, so that they believed Dawn always existed as Buffy's sister. Dawn is, however, a real girl, Buffy's biological sister, and has real memories of her fictional childhood. Erica has rainbows/sunflowers in her room in s2 (connected to Terry). And Erica is a plant that means “HEATHER”.

what all these possible alters /npc’s generally have in common is unlike ‘natural people’ they all have names associated with hunting or the woods (because that’s where a lot of the ab*se most often took place). name meaning : becky - snare (a trap for catching birds or animals). Teressa-huntress. Dianne (Hopper’s ex wife) - is a roman goddess of hunting. brenner- ‘someone who cleared forests by burning’. the blond women, Brenner worked with, Fraizer- “of the forrest men” (the male hunters who terrorized Will most likely). mayfield- open country (field) where madder (mæddre) grows', Hargrove-grove filled with rabbits" , Holland- wood land, Bruce (who was also possessed) - means WILLow lands .ives- yew wood (of tree) ,Bauman: comes from the German word "baum," or "boum" in Middle High and Old German, meaning "tree’. Bauman may have originally been a nickname for someone who lived by a tree. Holloway is a topographic surname, which was given to a person who resided near a physical feature such as a hill, stream, or type of tree. Suzie- lily flower. Susan (Max’s mom)- means lily, lotus flower or rose. Heather is also a variety of small shrubs with pink or white flowers which commonly grow in rocky areas. Neil -cloud. Buckley- buck deer. Rhadaghast (Will’s castle byers password)- is a wizard who protects the forrest and it’s creatures.

or an association with fire/lightning/god: robin- bird of the God Thor , sara- married abraham who tried to k*ll his son for god, barabara- saint who’s ab*sive father tried to k*ll her for not believing in his religion- so he was electrocuted and lit on fire by god. Kali/El are names of gods

the main exceptions being Hopper an interject . Although Hop could be a bunny pun, he even references bunnies in s3. And Jim meaning to “supplant” /“suprecede” ( replace/take the place of a person or thing previously in authority or use) hints at him being an interject.And heather’s dad Tom (who was possessed means ‘twin’) like Robin’s crush Tammy (’twin’) Thompson (’son of tom’) . And Marsha Holland (barb’s mom) & Martin Brenner both have first names meaning ‘war-like” (a hint at Lonnie being warlike, or being a vietnam vet perhaps?)

Ok, guys that’s about it- I hope you enjoyed. :)

#will byers #el hopper #billy hargrove #max mayfield #jim hopper #robin buckley #stranger things #kali prasad

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tawakkull · 3 years

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ISLAM 101: Spirituality in Islam: Part 93

God and the Truth of Divinity

The sacred term Allah (God), which is also referred to as the Word of Majesty or the All-Supreme Name in the sense that it is the Chief Divine Name comprising all other Names, is the proper Name of the All-Majestic, All-High Divine Being, Who introduces Himself to us with His All-Beautiful Names and draws a frame in our minds with all His Attributes of Glory so that we may have knowledge of Him; He is the All-Sacred One called by all His Names and the All-Glorified One described by all His Attributes of Perfection, and it is He Who is the sole, peerless Sovereign on the Thrones of Divinity and Lordship. As also stated by Sayyid Sharif al- Jurjani,[1] the all-blessed word of God is the proper Name of the Divine Essence as God, (from the viewpoint of His absolute Uniqueness and His total detachment from the created). According to the scholars of the basic principles of the Religion and the religious methodology, Allah (God) is a proper Name particular to the Divine Essence exclusively. Known also as the Name of Majesty and the All-Supreme or Greatest Name, this all-blessed Word is particularly mentioned as the Greatest or All-Supreme Name.

All the other Names belonging to the Divine Being are descriptive names or the names or titles that function like attributes, while the word Allah (God) is the Name of His Essence (Dhat), and comprises all the other Names directly or indirectly. That is to say, if a person declares their belief with the expressions such as “There is no deity but the All-Holy and All-Pure,” or “There is no deity but the All-Compassionate,” or “There is no deity but the All-Glorious with irresistible might,” and so on, they have not declared their belief properly, as none of these Names wholly designate the Divine Being, Who is known by all His Names and recognized by all His Attributes. One who declares their belief only with such expressions knowingly or unknowingly attempts to restrict the infinite sphere of Divinity and Lordship to the areas of the manifestations of the Names the All-Holy and All-Pure or the All-Compassionate or the All-Glorious with irresistible might, thus trying to make the infinite finite or the all-encompassing encompassed in one respect.

The All-Majestic, All-High Being Who is called by the all-sacred Name God[2] is the unique source of the truths of humanity, the universe, and things, and their ultimate, unique origin and ultimate, unique, primary cause. He is the Necessarily Existent Being Who exists by Himself. All our studies of the outer and our inner worlds demonstrate this fact. There is not a single thing in the universe that does not have multiple indications of the All-Sacred One Who is called by the Name of Glory, God. It can be said that the All-Sacred Name God exists inscribed both on the face of every thing and being and on the visage of the universe as a whole. However, this truth is more manifest and more clearly eligible in the physical and metaphysical face of humanity. As Imam ‘ Ali[3] said, a human being does not comprise a small, physical body; a human being is the miniature, the most precious copy of the whole universe; the human contains the entire contents of the universe and bears witness to the Divine Being as loudly as the entire universe. With all our states, we human beings demonstrate the All- Initiating; with all aspects of our lives we exclaim that we are dependent on Him. With the outer and inner dimensions of our existence, we proclaim Him.

It is utterly unreasonable, contrary to the perceptible reality, and an unfortunate deception in the name of a scientific approach not to attribute existence, including humanity and the universe, to the Divine Being. Any existence which is not attributed to the Divine Being is groundless, meaningless, and void; any knowledge or sciences that are not connected to Him are mere delusions and illusions, any studies or analyses that do not lead to knowledge of Him are fruitless and in vain, and discussions or conversations that do not generate love of and closeness to Him in the human consciousness are useless.

It is a fact that all existent things tell us about Him with countless tongues and that the human conscience always reminds of Him with profound sensations, perceptions, and inclinations particular to it. Whenever with our physical or spiritual sensations we turn to this world of exhibition—the outer world, this book of existence, and our inner depths, we always listen to melodies about Him and are aware that we subsist by Him. God is an All-Transcendent, Peerless Existent One Who expresses Himself with everything He creates and Who makes His existence felt through our consciousness with countless tongues, and thus reminds us that He is ever present everywhere, despite His absolute freedom from time and space. All visible and invisible realms of existence loudly proclaim His Divinity and Lordship, telling us that He is worshipped because of His Being. God has absolute right to be worshipped and is rightfully besought due to His being God. For this reason, worshipping Him with praise, thank, exaltation, adoration, glorification, and devotion is our duty and His right.

As for the false deities which humans manufacture and worship, they can never be God or be substituted for Him. Humans have deified the sun, the moon, stars, seas, rivers and so on, and worshipped many false, artificial, fabricated deities, adoring thousands of fleeting, death-bound and essentially impotent things or beings. By following these and offering worship to them, human beings have actually disrespected their own selves, their spirits and their essential nature. When they have rejected them all and turned to the Absolute, True Worshipped One, they have been saved from being debased beings and discovered their own selves through the values God has bestowed on them.

Since whatever human beings have worshipped other than God has no existence by itself and owes its own existence to God, it has emerged as the product of misguided thought and has in turn disappeared with sound logic and reasoning. Misguided thought and false belief, which have appeared one after the other, have also disappeared and been forgotten one after the other, and the final say has always remained with the All-Sacred Being, Who is absolutely free from any phenomenon that can be attributed to the created, such as coming and going or appearance and disappearance. Even though some false deities have temporarily dominated the minds of a great many people and polluted them over the course of history, the human innate recognition and admission of the Creator, the True Worshipped One, which is regarded as the inherent riches and depths of human conscience, has driven away all products of illusions and delusions; as a result human beings have turned to the All-Majestic, All-High Being, Who is the Owner of the All-Beautiful Names and All-Exalted Attributes. They have turned to Him once more after every epoch of misguidance because there is no other source of power or riches that can support or satisfy the human consciousness other than Him. Anything or any being which cannot meet this great, intrinsic need of humanity can never be deserving of worship and cannot be a deity. And there is no question that such a being is not deserving of worship, which is absolutely due to the All-Sacred One called by the All-Beautiful Names and described by the All-Sacred Attributes; indeed, they cannot even be intercessors between Him and humans.

Neither Divinity nor Lordship ever admits a partner. The One Who has the absolute right to be worshipped is One and Unique. The different events, states, and circumstances that we observe are results of the different manifestations of God’s different Names and Attributes. The truth of the absolutely True One or the Ultimate Truth is free from whatever is related to quality or quantity. Moreover, He is neither a substance nor something accidental, but is absolutely free from all features and defects that are particular to corporeality. In the following poem in which he portrayed the creeds of Islam, the respected Ibrahim Haqqi of Erzurum expresses this point very beautifully:

There is no opposite, nor peer, of my Lord in the universe; He is the All-Transcendent and exempt from having a form. He has no partners and He is free from begetting and being begotten; He is Unique, having no equals— these He mentions in Suratu’l-Ikhlas. He is neither a body nor a substance, nor is He an accident,[4] nor of matter. He does not eat and drink, nor is He contained by time. He is absolutely free from change, alteration, and transformation, and from colors and having a shape as well— These are His Attributes in the negative. He is neither in the heavens nor on the earth; Neither on the right nor on the left; neither before nor after; He is absolutely free from any direction. So He is never contained in space. As the respected Ibrahim Haqqi says, God is neither a body nor a substance; nor is He a compound or a composite, a divisible being, or a part, nor does He have a form or shape or any other feature that is attributed to the created. He is the First, the Last, the All-Outward and the All-Inward—He is the All-Inward, more inward than anything inward in His manifestations, and the All-Outward, more outward than anything outward in His being hidden. As He has no physical contact with anything in His Acts, He is also exempt from having or using any instruments in pronouncing His will or decrees.

We know Him by His hundreds of Names, such as the All-Merciful, the All-Compassionate, the All-Unique of Absolute Oneness, the Eternally Besought One, the All-Independent Single One, The All-Living, the Self-Subsisting (by Whom all subsist), the Eternally Existing One with no beginning, the All-Powerful, the All-Knowing, the All-Hearing, the All-Seeing, the All-Glorious with irresistible might, the All-Compelling, the All-Gracious and All-Beautiful, the All-Majestic, the All-Great, the All-Generous, the All-Pitying, the One Who has exclusive right to all greatness, the Divine Being, the Master, the Sovereign, the Lord, the All-Wise, the All-Speaking, the Creator, the All-Providing, and so on; we know Him by his dozens of Attributes, such as Life, Knowledge, Hearing, Seeing, Will, Power, Glory, Wisdom, Grandeur, Compelling, Being Eternally Existent with no beginning, Speech and so on. However, we can never claim that We know or that we are able to know Him perfectly; rather we must sigh with the admission: “We have not been able to know You as knowing You requires, O the All-Known,” and seek refuge with the consideration: “(The admission of one’s) incapacity to perceive Him is perception itself.” God cannot be perceived or comprehended for He is the All-Encompassing One impossible to be comprehended. Therefore, claiming that He can be comprehended means claiming that the One Who is the All-Encompassing can be encompassed at the same time, which is clearly a contradiction. Furthermore, all the Names that are derived from certain verbs which express His Acts are not sufficient, individually or collectively, for us to be able to perceive His Essence. Logic and reason can attain knowledge of the Maker of Glory in the shade of the All-Beautiful Names only to the extent that He wills and allows this. This is all of the knowledge we can acquire concerning Him. How well the famous German poet said:

Whatever we say about Him, perception of the Essence of the All-Holy Creator is absolutely impossible. Human beings can only have some ambiguous feelings and conjectural ideas about the Divine Essence. We continuously feel and experience the existence of God both in our spirits and in nature. Therefore, what does it signify whether we know His Essence or Essential Nature or not? Even though we mention God with hundreds of Names and unique Attributes, our descriptions will fall far short of expressing the truth. Seeing that the Supreme Existence, Which we call Divinity, expresses Itself in multifarious manifestations —not only in human beings but also in all major and minor events and states in the universe and the rich, restricted bosom of nature—then to what extent can human description of such a Being be sufficient?

We must be utterly respectful of Him and self-possessed on our account. This must be the reason why both the greatest of theologians and many Sufis have preferred mentioning God with the pronoun “He.” For there is limitless profundity and comprehensiveness when one avoids describing Him with any Attribute or Name. The pronoun “He,” free from the restriction of any specific Attribute or Name, is a mysterious word which comprises all of His Majestic and Gracious manifestations, His All-Beautiful Names, and His Attributes of Glory. It must be because of this comprehensiveness that, provided we refer to Him by the word “He”, there are those who regard “He” as being God’s All-Supreme Name. I think it is more proper to regard it as the All-Supreme Name in expressing His Unity in the fullest terms possible.

When we consider the Divine Being from the viewpoint of His Uniqueness or absolute Oneness (ahadiya), we mean or refer to the Pure Essence without taking His Names or Attributes into consideration. When He is approached from the perspective of His Unity (wahidiya), He is considered together with His All-Beautiful Names and Attributes of Glory. At this point, human consciousness considers God along with all His works, Acts, Names, and Attributes; this means sensing the sphere of His Lordship.

Calling the rank of the truths of True Existence the sphere of Divinity is because this expression refers to the Necessarily Existent One as the All-Holy, Pure Essence. The All-Supreme Name Allah (God) is the proper title for this rank. Divinity in this sense is the title of a transcending truth that is observed on account of Its works and which is known but cannot be encompassed with Its decrees, judgments and principles. Our knowledge and perceptions concerning Divinity consist only of some of Its characteristics. This knowledge is never sufficient to attain complete knowledge of this sphere, for there are so many other exalted Attributes about Which we cannot have knowledge; complete knowledge and comprehension of Divinity requires knowing all of these Attributes and this is not possible for human beings to achieve.

From another point of view, on account of the vastness of Its manifestations, Divinity also encompasses the decrees, judgments and principles of the areas of manifestations that belong to the spheres of Divine Uniqueness or Oneness and Unity, in the sense that every thing or being is given its due. Just as all universal or particular bounties and favors pour forth from that sphere, so too are all thanks given and all acts of worship done in return for those bounties and favors directed to it.

Furthermore, Divine Uniqueness and Unity have another aspect which is related to the All-Holy, Purely Divine Essence. On account of Its mirror in which It is reflected, Divine Uniqueness or absolute Oneness has been expressed as: “God was and there was nothing else besides Him,”[5] while Divine Unity has been interpreted in the sense of Everything is perishable (and so perishing) except His “Face.” His alone is judgment and authority, and to Him you are being brought back (28:88). While the former refers to God as eternal having no beginning, the latter refers to Him as eternal having no end. According to this approach, since the rank of Uniqueness relates to the Pure Essence, this Uniqueness has been accepted as having precedence over the rank of Unity, Which is considered together with the Names and Attributes. As for Divinity, It has precedence over both Uniqueness or Oneness and Unity, for It has the transcending characteristic of giving everything its due and restoring every right in the vastness of all realms of contingency, and the rank of All-Mercifulness (ar-Rahmaniyya), which is regarded as the horizon of the initial manifestation of all Divine Names and Attributes, has been considered as Its area of unfolding. The proper title of this rank is the All-Sacred Name the All-Merciful (ar-Rahman), to Which are referred the Names of the Divine Essence such as the All-Unique of Absolute Oneness, the One of Unity, the Eternally Besought One, the All-Holy, and the All-Supreme, as well as such Attributes of His like Life, Knowledge, Hearing, Seeing, Power, and Will.

The rank which encompasses God Almighty’s Names, Attributes of Glory, and wise Acts has been called the sphere of Divinity on account that He is—and is accepted as—the Divine Being Who is Absolutely Deserving of Worship, while the rank which relates to the Name the Lord and draws attention to His being— and being accepted and obeyed as—the Lord has been designated as the sphere of Lordship. The statements of the Qur’an concerning both of these spheres are explicit and decisive. The Qur’an tells us to believe in God as both the One of Divinity and the One of Lordship. For example, on account of describing God Almighty with His Attributes of Perfection that are inherent in His Essence and declaring Him to be absolutely free from any attributes of defect, Suratu’l-Ikhlas (Sura 112) emphasizes the Unity of Divinity or God’s being the Unique One of Divinity. While Suratu’l-Kafirun (Sura109) pronounces that worship and adoration are particular to God exclusively, Who has no partners, rivals, or equals, and therefore emphasizes the Unity of God as the All-Worshipped One. Suratu’l-Fatiha (Sura 1) teaches and stresses both the Unity of Divinity and the Unity of God’s being the All-Worshipped One and the Unity of Lordship.

If the Qur’an is studied from these aspects, it can be seen that in almost all of its chapters it teaches and emphasizes these kinds of Unity. The verses which tell us about the Names, Attributes, and Acts of God Almighty point to the “ Unity of the Source of revealed knowledge” or the “ Unity of Divinity,” while the verses that are concerned with worshipping God Who has no partners, rivals, or equals refers to the “ Unity Which demands worship and relates to will-power” or the “ Unity of Lordship.” The Unity of Divinity has also been interpreted as the confirmation and conviction that whatever our Prophet taught and conveyed to us is true, while the Unity of Lordship means the fulfilling of all Divine commands with the utmost sensitivity and refraining from whatever has been forbidden.

That which we have been trying to explain from the beginning consists of only some pieces of information and is in no way sufficient to express God or to be a translator of the truth of the Ultimate Truth. To date, thousands, perhaps, millions of people have tried to relate about the Essence of the Ultimate Truth and to describe Him based on their inspirations—May God reward them for their efforts! The excitement of the heart, the tears and the ink of the pen have cooperated numerous times to describe Him, but every time everything has been entrusted to the realms beyond and those further beyond, and self-possession has been preferred. What is most proper to do in this respect must be to remain content with His Own particular descriptions and instructions, saying:

How can it be possible to describe the All-Protecting Owner! What is proper is not to attempt to describe Him. If the goal and result of all these attempts to know God and to make Him known is our servanthood to Him, our love of Him, and our pleasing Him, then we should pursue these with our outer and inner senses and our faculties to try to reach our goal. He has never disappointed those who have turned to Him with love and attachment and He has never abandoned those who come to His door, or left them unrewarded.

The meaning of servanthood is explicit, and there are two aspects of “love of God.” The first is loving Him, while the other is being loved by Him. Mentioning these two aspects, the Qur’an says: God loves them, and they love Him (5:54). That is to say, God Himself and His servants both love and are loved. This love is certainly different from the love we feel for other people. God’s love of His servants is being pleased with them and favoring them with a happy end, while the believers’ love of and yearning for Him is on account of His being the sole Source of all beauty, perfection, favor, as well as all gifts, bounties, and bestowals.

Loving Him and feeling attachment to Him is something from among His gifts and favors. For this reason, being a translator for others who resembled him, a saintly friend of God is reported to have said: “I thought that I knew, loved, and was seeking Him; I thought I was pursuing His good pleasure. But later I came to realize that I had been following Him in His mentioning, loving, and seeking me.” That is, we know, love, mention and seek Him because He makes us know, love, mention and seek Him.

The respected Junayd al-Baghdadi expresses the same reality as follows: “I have known God by God Himself; also by God Himself or through the messages of His Messenger have I come to know the true nature of all other than Him.” No matter with what Attributes He has described Himself through His inspirations and Revelations on different wavelengths, He is the All-Transcending One describable only with those Attributes, and no matter with what Names He refers to Himself, He is the All-Sacred One Who is called by those Names. Neither does His Essence or Essential Being resemble other beings, nor are His Attributes like the attributes of others. He is the First and there is none preceding Him and there is no time preceding Him; He is the Last and He makes our consciousnesses aware of eternity and His being eternal.

Saintly friends of God have advanced toward the mysteries that belong to Him through the manifestations of His Acts in the outer and inner worlds, and then through the manifestations of His Names, and then through the manifestations of His Attributes, and then through the manifestation of His Essence. They have crowned their immaterial, invisible journey with certain kinds and degrees of visions of Him that they have attained by means of the favors and regards with which they have been honored. They have made great efforts to be able to experience manifestations of His Essence with great yearning, sometimes sighing and weeping for their pitiable states during their journey, and at others rejoicing with the breezes of nearness to and familiarity with meeting Him. They have criticized and supervised themselves in great shame before Him, paying at His door their most humble respects, and continuing their journey half-dead and half-alive. How beautiful is the following description of these experiences:

I was ashamed of myself in the realm of love; turning to my body, soul, and heart, I reprimanded myself. I leveled to the ground the building of self on the path of love; O Nigari,[6] I destroyed my physical existence for the treasure of His love. In a poem in his Diwan-i Kabir, the respected Mawlana Jalalud- Din ar- Rumi speaks about love for God as follows:

It is incumbent upon lovers to search for the Friend. Like a wild flood, rubbing their faces against the ground and striking their heads against rocks, they should run until they reach the Friend’s river. Actually, it is He Who both wills and chooses. We sometimes go toward the Friend’s river babbling like a running water, and sometimes remain kept in His pitcher like standing water. And other times come when we boil like an earthenware pot on fire.

What those who know Him should do is to advance, babbling like water and weeping day and night. If those who do so are also able to read accurately whatever there is around them, they will one day be rewarded abundantly with knowledge and love of Him and be able to realize the true purpose of their existence.

O God! I ask You for resignation after calamity or any of Your decrees or judgments concerning me, the coolness of life after death, the pleasure of observing Your Face, and the zeal to meet You without suffering the harm of anything harmful, or any misleading intrigue and mischief. And bestow, O Lord, blessings and peace on the Inaugurator and Seal of Prophethood, on his Family and Companions, may God be pleased with them all.

[1] Sayyid Sharif al-Jurjani (d. 1413): One of the leading theologians of the 15th century. He visited Istanbul in 1374, and upon his return, in 1377, he was given a teaching appointment in Shiraz. Sharhu’l-Mawaqif is his most famous work. [2] In this translation God is always used to mean Allah. [3] Imam ‘ Ali is ‘ Ali ibn Abi Talib (606–661): One of the first four to embrace Islam and one of the greatest Companions of the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings, and his cousin and son-in-law, as well as the last of the four rightly-guided Caliphs. He was renowned for his profound knowledge, deep spirituality, and great courage, for his sacrifices for God’s cause, and for his eloquence. [4] Accident in philosophy means something which is added to a substance or into which a substance grows or develops over time. It is therefore not a substance. [5] Related from the Prophet, upon him be peace and blessings, in Ibn Hajari’l- Asqalani, Fathu’l-Bari, 6:289; al-Alusi, Ruhu’l-Ma‘ani, 9:106. [6] Seyyid Mir Hamza Nigari was a Sufi poet from Azerbaijan. He wrote lyrical poems to express God’s love.

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old-daemon-farts · 4 years

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Finding Your Daemon

Within the daemon community you will discover that there are many ways people communicate and co-exist with their daemon. How these same individuals found their "brain buddy" is just as unique. Some may have created with intent or gave an identity to their internal dialogue, and others reached out into the void seeing what came forward, while some daemons have been there as long as they can remember or spontaneously came into their life. Before you begin, I would like you to leave behind your doubt. I know, I know, easier said than done. But keep in mind when reaching out to a daemon doubting yourself and your intuition will only hinder their progress and cause you unneeded stress.

Before you delve into daemonism stop and think about what you expect from this new relationship. Is it companionship, self-improvement, someone to keep you on track, or any other unlimited number of things? Is there a specific job or role you have in mind? If you don't know or feel unsure about assigning a role, they luckily do not need a purpose to be a daemon so please enjoy the experience and worry less about the "should and should not"s of the practice. Keep in mind you may find your daemon has other plans or expectations for the relationship. They may feel what is best for you is addressing issues you may be avoiding or repressing, or they could be harsher than you had wished, or say things that can hurt. Those instances are extremely rare and far more often than not a daemon is going to work perfectly in sync with you, be kind, supportive, and our defender against negative and intrusive thoughts. If you find when you reach out to your daemon they cause any kind of negativity pause and think about if there is something you are upset with or need to work on. Is this something you can do alone or is your daemon exactly what you've been needing to get through it? Daemonism is about building a relationship with yourself, and while some relationships are a piece of cake others require work and are far more complex than we were expecting.

The exercise below will be focused on reaching into the void to find your daemon. This may be quick or take quite a few tries so don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go as you hoped. Experience in similar concepts or what an individual is comfortable with will greatly influence how easily someone may reach out to their daemon for the first time. Are you use to talking to yourself? Daydreaming? Are you more visual, verbal, or emotion driven? You know your brain better than anyone else so I recommend starting with a process that sounds familiar to you. I will also be referring to your daemon in this exercise as a single entity but you may find as you reach out you could have more than one. I recommend the standard duo pair of human and daemon as it is much easier to build your skills with a single target. This is only a recommendation, and not a rule, as I would never dream of driving a hopeful daemon away.

No matter if you believe daemons to be spiritual, mental constructs, a combination of the two, or external beings you can utilize this exercise. If these do not work for you or are uncomfortable feel free to change and adapt the method to meet your needs. If after a while you are still struggling to make a connection please seek out other methods people have used within the community. Like creating a template for their daemon's form and personality that will change and adapt as the daemon grows. Those may connect better with you and that's okay!

If you have stumbled upon daemonism for the first time there are many good references out there to clarify exactly what a daemon is. Here are a couple sources.

https://daemonsandanalyses.tumblr.com/daemons

https://ofthoughtformsanddaemons.tumblr.com/post/187624346048/daemonism

https://ofthoughtformsanddaemons.tumblr.com/post/159859058403/spiritual-daemonism

Exercise: Your daemon’s essence and location inside your body (Great for when you cannot hear your daemon)

For this exercise we are only focusing on what we feel when we reach towards our daemon. A daemon who is still unaware of themselves is not going to readily pop out with a name, form, or personality. It needs a little nudge first to wake up. So, let's get to it!

Place yourself in a relaxing environment. You could play music, have a scented candle going, or just rest in silence. Take deep, slow breaths, and forget about all the anxieties around you. You will want to stay focused but not make yourself uninviting to stray thoughts just in case your daemon tries to reach out to you. Now it’s just you and your daemon. Changing your mindset to include your daemon is going to start prompting the brain to also make the switch and help separate them from you. You should do this even when not actively trying to communicate with your daemon.

Start to pay attention as you think about meeting your daemon. As you greet them, joke around, say it's time to wake up, speak up, whatever you wish to say. You could even ask questions or contemplate on what they will be like. Communicate and keep the intent of making a connection to your daemon strong. Or instead of speaking you could mentally poke around. With each poke make sure you are thinking about your daemon. If you do not feel instantly drawn to a specific area pick a starting point and start going through different locations throughout your body.

Pause after every attempt. Did you feel something different? Here are a few things you may find:

Pressure in parts of your head

Lightness or heaviness on your heart

Limbs suddenly feeling active or tingly

Pulling

Flutter in your sternum

Weight pressing down more now than it was before you started

Energy or electricity feeling focused at one spot

Soreness or stiffness

Did you feel anything pushing or pulling because they disagreed with anything you thought or were trying to guide you to the correct location? If you feel drawn to a specific spot trust your instinct and focus on that area. Keep speaking and keep poking.

If you think you found your daemon what kind of energy do they exude? Are they:

Large

Small

Hyper

Calm

Warm

Cool

Nervous

Excited

Youthful

Tired

Any emotion or sensation you experience during this exercise note down. If there was any images or thoughts that felt out of place or you think might have belonged to your daemon also note down. Although the focus was only on impression there is no reason to discard anything else that happened during the experience. Everything is important and all impressions should be analyzed and retested next time.

Knowing where your daemon is located and becoming more familiar with it and the reactions they give will help with communication. As an example, my daemons are found at my heart so as they speak I will feel a lightness there. If this doesn't work for you I would say your daemon isn't much for expressing themselves through abstract concepts and there will be a better way for you to connect.

Something to keep in mind is how faint or hidden your daemon may be, or if it is being covered by and confused with something you defined already. Emotions you are familiar feeling may also house your daemon. Examples are:

Your gut instinct

The butterflies in your stomach

Guilt

Excitement

Disappointment

Apprehension

Why this exercise first instead of trying to talk to them or hear their voice? Some daemons have difficulty speaking or may not speak at all. This can cause confusion or be very discouraging for both the human and daemon. My daemons will almost never vocalize and instead communicate with emotions, impressions, and images. Knowing how your daemon feels is very important and worth cultivating.

#daemonism #daemonism practice

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hmse-research-blog · 3 years

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Overwhelming & Brutal

Overwhelming (verb)

Have a strong emotional effect on

Overcome with emotion

Affected by something very strongly

Synonym to: strike, move, affect

Brutal (adjective)

Unpleasant or harsh

Direct without any attempt to disguise unpleasantness

Synonym but not limited to: violent, savage, direct

Brutal & Overwhelming

A combination of both words have a negative-leaning connotation. The experience of course, is subjective to each audience. People who loves seeing horror or action film might find these emotion exhilarating while people who hates loud noises and jump-scare might hate the emotion and feel scared. Study by Lynch and Martins (2015) shows that low empathisers have more tendency to enjoy violent and gore media and vice versa.

Horror enthusiast seeks sensation from suspense and resolve. Suspense for example, is when a character is in threat of a masked killer and resolve is when the killer is finally caught or killed in retaliation. We often feel a sense of euphoria and relieve when a threat is resolved and such logic happens behind a horror enthusiast’s mind.

Zuckerman’s model of sensation-seeking mentions four related but different factors that includes:

thrill and adventure seeking

experience seeking

disinhibition

boredom susceptibility.

Bibliography:

Lissek S., Powers A. S. (2003). Sensation seeking and startle modulation by physically threatening images. Biol. Psychol. 63, 179–197.

Lynch T., Martins N. (2015). Nothing to fear? An analysis of college students’ fear experiences with video games. J. Broadcast. Electron. Media 59, 298–317.

Zuckerman M. (1988). Sensation seeking and behavior disorders. Arch. Gen. Psychiatry 45, 502–503.

Here are the examples of 11 artworks that feels brutal or overwhelming or both:

Requiem for A Dream

(viewer discretion is advised)

youtube

Requiem for a Dream (2000) is a film depicting addicts who are connected to each other. This movie often uses parallel cuts to indicate things are happening at the same time. The use of meditative music over heart-wrenching scenes creates a haunting effect. The editing choice in the final scenes successfully created tension and the continuously looping parallel shots of the characters proves to be overwhelming.

Before Your Eyes

youtube

Before Your Eyes tells a story of a boy who died very young due to an illness. This game utilises motion sensors and the game progresses every time the player blinks. Each scene is crafted with great details making the players holding their blink to elongate the scene. The first person perspective makes the audience sits in the young boy's place watching life flashing before their eyes. This game is overwhelmingly beautiful and heart-wrenching in its aspect to cherish whatever amount time we have left on earth.

Devotion

youtube

In Devotion (2019), the user plays as a father solving clues and puzzles as to what happens in his life. This game criticises the influence of cults in Taiwan. It also heavily criticises overbearing parents and the stigma of mental illness in Asia.

The use of red colour during revelation and flashback scenes and the silent jumpscare during most of the gameplays is very effective to keep the players anxious. This technique also does not over expose the players resulting in a more unpredictable jumpscares. Besides it’s graphic imagery and colour scheme, this game is brutal due to its harsh and raw depictions of cults and superstitions that affects vulnerable families in Taiwan.

Source:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/20059000

https://factsanddetails.com/southeast-asia/Taiwan/sub5_1b/entry-3814.html

Everywhere At The End of Time

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This album created by The Caretaker depicts the mind of a patient with alzheimer. The 6 hour long piece involves a continuously degrading set of music. Each stage shows a deteriorated version of it’s previous stage. The album ends at static noises and ultimately long silence.

What makes this album eerie, overwhelming and brutal is the idea behind it. Exposing the audience to what dementia sounds like forces them to emphatise with the memories. The duration of the album also emphasises the slow and painful degeneration and by stage 5 the sudden void creates a horrible overwhelmingly somber aura knowing the memories are forever gone.

Ouroborindra (album)

youtube

Ouroborindra (2005) was produced by Jim Jupp under the pseudonym “Eric Zann”. Jupp stated this album was inspired by H.P. Lovecraft. Similar to Lovecraft, this album has a haunting and hair-raising aesthetic. A minute listening session gives the audience a taste of Lovecraftian cosmic horror.

The static noise and continuously evolving sounds creates an overwhelming eeriness while not being painful to hear. Some parts are accompanied by pianos giving the listener’s ear some time to rest. This arrangement choice proves to be excellent as it creates a pleasant bridge and outro.

Source:

https://ghostbox.greedbag.com/buy/ouroborindra-0/

Brutalist Architecture

At a glance, this architecture looks boring and unappealing. What makes a brutalist characteristic is the blocky and chunky design.

Some argue that brutalism is an egalitarian movement, this movement strays away from white painted walls with decorated windows typical of the time. At the time, the geometric and blocky design was considered modern. This evidence appears in futuristic movies and in spy/war movies symbolising rebellion, modernism, and revolution.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)

Black Mirror (2011)

Source:

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10331867.2015.1032481

Shoujo Tsubaki (Camellia Girl)

(viewer discretion is advised)

youtube

Shoujo Tsubaki (1992) is a film adapted from the comic of the same title. The uncensored animation completed with voice acting added many layers of disturbance and the feeling of dread. Many people found this film very upsetting resulting to banning in several countries.

This artwork is one of the greater known titles within the ero-guro (short for erotic-grotesque) genre. The Ero-guro genre symbolises resistance and rebellion during world war 1. Some also enjoy it as escapism and sexual liberation. This film is brutal due to its depiction of grooming, abuse, and nonsensical grotesque scenes.

Source:

https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/record.jsf?pid=diva2%3A1570686&dswid=8039

Sistine Chapel Church

The wall and ceiling of the Sistine Chapel were painted by Michelangelo (1508-1512). It is not surprising that this work took an incredibly arduous time that Michelangelo dreads working on it. The details and paint stand the test of time and the colossus artwork will make every visitor gasps in awe. Each painting has incredible details and the colours are carefully coordinated. It only takes a single glance to feel overwhelmed by the presence of this artwork.

Source:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/1464068

Japan Sinks

youtube

Japan Sinks is a Japanese animation series created by Masaaki Yuasa. The animation was an adaptation of a novel with the same title. Each depiction of death are raw and uncensored oftentimes includes close-ups. This series was a contribution to Paralympics 2020 and was set to release as a promotional campaign.

It doesn’t take the brightest bulb to notice the brutality of this series. The main characters experienced sudden deaths of their loved ones and the grief was left unprocessed until much late. Naturally, this end of the world scenario includes a multitude of body counts. Many great characters did not survive and their final scenes include close-ups and slow motion of their remnants making their sudden demise even more brutal, leaving a gaping hole in the viewer’s heart.

Judith Slaying Holofernes (Artemisia Gentileschi version)

The painting showed an “uncensored” gory scene of Judith beheading her abuser helped by another woman. It is said that Gentileschi was inspired by her master, Caravaggio. Caravaggio’s version had a different composition and the painting shows Holofernes holding his blood, resembling strings.

Judith beheading Holofernes (Caravaggio)

Unlike her master, Gentileschi did not hold back nor consider making the painting palatable for the viewer. The more brutal interpretation made the intention behind the painting even clearer. It is one of the strongest depiction of complex independent women and a strong message of feminism in baroque era.

Source:

https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/urc/2018/arthistory/2/

Notre Dame Basilica (Montreal)

youtube

This gothic style cathedral is located in Quebec City, Montreal. The three-story-tall hall symbolises the church’s power and the huge size of a cathedral has been known to give psychological effects to the devoters. The blue colours represent the sky and heaven, the red colours complemented by gold accents gives a royalty and majestic look. The pillars will reverberate the sound of organs creating an effect of “heavenly sounds”, many believers are attracted to this sound resulting in higher attendance. The design of the cathedral makes the attendees feel small and overwhelmed as if the church attendees are “meeting” God.

Source:

https://www.mdpi.com/2077-1444/11/9/478/htm

https://askinglot.com/why-are-gothic-cathedrals-so-tall

Final short reflection:

Each of the artworks above shows a great amount of research and thoughts poured into the small details. They each have their own unique approach creating unique and impactful results.

#assignment 1

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lazella · 4 years

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Infinity Stone AU: PTSD is Hard to Heal From.

For all the tech that was found in the Avenger’s Tower, most of it bored Yusaku. He was already familiar with this level of technology, some of it was considered primitive compared to what he was used too. Not to mention that his time in the tower felt rather lonely. It was hard for him to connect with the other duelists due to their vastly different views on dueling. Meanwhile, the other members of the Avengers seemed to treat him as a small child which irked him. Ai could only provide so much company until Yusaku hit his patience limit to the Ignis’ behavior.

So for now he was searching for Tony Stark to discuss more ideas of how to use the Mind Stone outside of battle and hacking. The man made it very clear that there was no experimenting with the Infinity Stones without his supervision. After the incident where Yuya turned the whole tower into candy, he could see why.

Yusaku encountered Bruce Banner wondering the halls as he was, “Hey Bruce? Have you seen Tony?” He asked.

“He’s actually not here right now,” Bruce said, “He and Pepper are out on some sort of errand. Didn’t say when they would be back.”

“Oh…I see….” Yusaku began to walk away.

“The others are in the game room if you’re interested.” Bruce called out to him. “Tony got some new games since you all were getting bored.”

Yusaku just shrugged. Might as well wonder over and observe what has going on to stave off boredom.

“Hey Playmaker…can we actually talk and hang out with the others this time?” Ai asked.

“No.”

“But they’re the only interesting people to talk too!!!” Ai protested, “Come on…you can keep doing this emo social distancing act for long.”

“Three reasons….” Ai rolled his eyes as Yusaku began to fall into his habit, “One, our views on dueling are too vastly different. Two, our experiences are also vastly different. And three…they seem to have the ability to bring out topics and memories I do not wish to discuss.”

Ai watched from the Duel Disk wordlessly as Yusaku opened the door to the game room then froze.

Oh boy…Ai thought to himself…This is going to trigger an episode.

Inside the game room, Yuma, Yuya, and Judai were playing with VR headsets on. Yugi and Yusei were watching the game on a nearby screen which looked like some sort of rhythm game.

Yusei eventually noticed Yusaku’s presence, “Care to join us Yusaku?”

Yusaku gave no answer, he slammed the door shut and ran back to his room.

……………………………………………..

The loud bang of the door made everyone in the room freeze.

“What was that all about?” Judai asked removing the headset so he could see reality.

“Yusaku was just at the door.” Yusei explained, “But he looked very scared and ran off.”

Judai frowned, “Scared? Scared of what?”

“Not sure…” Yugi said, “And he’s probably not going to be sharing why anytime soon.”

“Why is he like that anyway?” Yuma asked, “He seems like he’s always afraid.”

“Remember that night when Tony woke us all up?” Yuya said, “We managed to find out that Yusaku was kidnapped when he was younger. But he didn’t say what exactly happened during that time.”

“And that something is still affecting him to this day….” Yusei frowned, “Should one of us go check on him?”

“I’ll do it…” Yugi volunteered, “I think he can relax around me. If I need back up I’ll let you all know.”

The group nodded as Yugi head off to go find Yusaku’s room. Going through the maze of hallways and rooms, Yugi finally arrived at his destination.

“Hey…it’s me…” Yugi knocked on the door, “Can I come in?”

The voice of Yusaku’s program buddy answered back.

“Hold on…let me quickly hack the system to unlock the door.”

The latch of the door clicked, allowing Yugi to enter the room. Yusaku was on his bed, head and arms resting on his knees. Ai was poking out of the duel disk that had been placed on the nightstand.

“Good luck getting anything out of him…” Ai said, “He’s going to be like this for a good while.”

“Do you know what set him off?” Yugi asked, “I really don’t want Yusaku to be fearful of just walking around the tower.”

Ai sighed, “It was the VR headsets.”

Yugi blinked, “The VR headsets? Why those of all things?”

“Honestly, it’s a long story that I really don’t feel like sharing right now.” Ai admitted, “Even then it’s not really my story to tell.”

“Well what can you tell me?” Yugi asked as he sat on the bed.

Ai rubbed his chin in though, “Yusaku has been through a lot and is not used to opening up to people. He didn’t like me at first and I had to grow on him.”

Yugi hummed as he tried to figure out what to do next. He had so little information to go on here and honestly Anzu was the one who gave the better reassuring speeches. Why could Yugi say in a situation like this?

A possible solution came in the poking sensation in his pocket followed by an orange glow. Yugi sighed, “I’m not going to do that…”

“Do what?” Surprisingly, Yusaku was the one who asked slightly uncurling from his ball.

“The Soul Stone can let me enter your Soul Room,” Yugi continued his explanation as he knows Yusaku would have no idea what he was talking about. “It’s a room that reflects who you are. Mine is full of toys and games since I enjoy playing and designing games myself. The other me…since he is missing his memories…his is a labyrinth that leads nowhere.”

“Are you going to use it?” Yusaku asked.

“Not without your permission of course…” Yugi said, “It felt like a huge invasion of privacy the first time it happened to me. But this Soul Stone acts like it has a mind of its own and we’ve had some close calls when it tries to activate when someone is in a poor mood.”

The two sat in silence for some time, both unsure how to go forward.

Aibou…let me handle this…

Are you sure other me?

I say I can give it a shot. It will be better than nothing.

Alright then…Yugi relinquished control to Yami who put a reassuring hand on Yusaku’s shoulder.

“Listen Yusaku…I’m not going to pretend that any of us can understand what you have been through. But you need to stop bottling it all up, it’s not healthy. We’ve all survived our experiences because we had others we can support us when it gets too much. Everyone here is worried about you so can you start letting us in?”

“I…” Yusaku curled back into his ball, “I don’t know how…”

“Maybe that’s why the Soul Stone was reacting.” Yami held up the orange stone, “But I will only use it if I have your permission. I am not going to violate your privacy to satisfy my curiosity. Do I have your permission?”

“Will I see what you see?” Yusaku asked.

“I don’t see why not.” Yami said.

“Then do it.”

“Alright…..” Yami gripped Yusaku’s hand in reassurance, “Let’s go.”

………………………………………………..

Yugi and Yami took a moment to take in their surroundings. They didn’t have any real expectations about what Yusaku’s Soul Room would look like but certainly not this.

If there were a few words they could use to describe what they were seeing, it was empty and broken. It was a simple room with wood paneling and flooring, but one corner looked like it had been torn away by some unseen force. Only an open void was visible through the destruction. Furniture was bare minimum as well. There was only an old desk with a broken computer on it.

“Is…is this supposed to reflect me?”

Yugi and Yami turned around and saw Yusaku looking around in shock, “Shouldn’t there be…more?”

“There should…” Yami admitted, “But in my opinion…your Soul Room looks damaged.”

Yusaku unconsciously put a hand to his chest and clenched, “Three things…the damage looks old…there’s nothing in here unique to me…and what is here is broken…”

“It doesn’t have to stay that way though…” Yugi tried to reassure the panicking boy, “You can change how things are. We just need to pick a starting point, no need to do everything at once.”

That seemed to calm Yusaku down, “I guess you’re right…but where?”

“Is there anyone that cares about you?” Yami asked, “I don’t think your life is as lonely as this room appears to be.”

Yusaku seemed to think a bit. Then proceeded into deep thought. Yami and Yugi waited anxiously to see if Yusaku could come up with any answer. Then the distinct sound of a computer booting up caught all of their attention. The once broken computer was now repaired and its monitor showed a picture of Yusaku standing in front of a food truck next to another man.

“I think that’s your answer Yusaku…” Yami said.

Yusaku nodded, “I think we can head back…”

Yami didn’t say anything and let the Soul Stone pull them back into reality. It was a small step, but it was still a step towards recovery.

#infinity stones au #yugioh #avengers #gx #5ds #zexal #arc v #vrains #yusaku fujiki #yugi mouto #ai(vrains)#ptsd

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hencethebravery · 4 years

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#writersmth2020 • (12) meet cute

(12) meet cute [ouat, captain charming]

author’s note: about 2 yrs ago i started a captain charming enchanted au that i never finished (surprise, surprise). i had actually stopped writing right before the two first meet, and this seemed like a good opportunity to start working on it again. will i finish it now? no idea, but i enjoyed hopping back in because i was very excited about it initially and i kinda hate that it’s unfinished. you can read the first chapter on tumblr or the archive. oh also for @phiralovesloki, who never gave up on me or this stupid story.

+ Killian’s adult life, his pre-Prince-from-another-land life, starts like this: With a handful of unfortunate “misunderstandings” with local law enforcement; a worrisome drinking habit that he often ignored; a nebulous, unexamined fear that he’s been left behind; and a large number of fleeting, meaningless relationships that had only become so due to his own infuriating habit of allowing them to be. So, yes, according to most, Killian Jones was living what some would refer to as a “sad life” (or perhaps a lonely life, at the very least).

He might respond that he in fact “liked it that way,” but any discerning sort of person would be able to suss out that lie rather quickly.

If his life were like one of his mother’s wretched storybooks, the otherwise mundane, rainy evening in October when he almost totaled his bike would be considered the “incendiary incident.” The moment when the story really begins—a suggestion that all of the blather leading up to this has been nothing more than literary window dressing. There is an argument to be made however, that the moment in question would indeed feel less like the “inciting action” had it lacked the proper and necessary context.

The real trouble with saturated, dark city roads at night is the fact that they become nothing more than garbled reflections of the circus of light that surrounds them. While they might be perfectly black and impermeable during the day, in darkness they become quite a bit more ominous. Despite the most logical parts of you screaming otherwise, there’s still a niggling concern that if you’re not careful you could take a wrong step and tumble into the odd, rippling echo of an inverted city you’ve never seen before.

Killian’s traversed these same streets on a number of previous evenings, and through worse weather than this, but for whatever reason, on this particular night, it seems to be unusually bad. The wind whips between the buildings creating paralyzing pockets of frigid air, as the drains clog with garbage and leaves, causing the puddles to become dangerously deep; those confounding, reflected surfaces becoming even more unknown and void-like.

He’s only a few blocks from home, on the cusp of admitting to himself the precariousness of current travel conditions when he sees it—a gleam out of the corner of his eye. City lights do not gleam. Soft, yellow light glowing from behind long, sheer curtains also hold no unique, eye-catching sheen. Speeding through city streets on the back of a motorbike requires a certain degree of concentration. If you’re the sort to become easily distracted by twinkling lights and the occasional odd bit of human movement, you’re not fit to be driving. It’s why he thinks of it as a “gleam,” rather than say… a light you might see emanating from a billboard or a traffic stop. Not to mention the fact that if this were any other normal kind of illumination, it wouldn’t have caused him to become distracted enough to completely miss the crater-like pothole on the road in front of him.

This strange new land is loud—loud enough that he would almost feel compelled to clap his hands over his ears… if not for the bright, flashing lights that look nothing like any open flame he’s ever seen. He would be tempted to shut his eyes… if not for the sight of the tall, tall, tall vertical structures that he would maybe call castles if he weren’t so terribly confident that he wasn’t in his kingdom any longer and they likely weren’t castles at all. If the sights and the sounds weren’t enough to convince him, the throngs of oddly dressed people staring at him as if he were the strange one certainly was. It takes him a few moments amidst the chaos of his new surroundings, but he remembers all the same—the sickeningly red, wet sheets; the sound of his newborn daughter’s cries, and that final glimpse of her in the arms of some nefarious, hooded figure, disappearing into a swirling vortex.

He breaks into a run, his cape flapping heavily behind him.

He has no earthly idea where he’s running to; only that he’s a father who’s lost his only daughter and he is entirely unmoored. Perhaps for the first time in his life. There’s no specific destination in mind but speed has to be a factor, right? After all, he jumped right in after them. Maybe they’re not so far ahead that he can’t catch up, so long as he runs. He’s finally stumbled on a somewhat quieter street when he witnesses the strange metal contraption only just manage to skirt a rather large hole in the ground before emitting an ear-piercing screech and collapsing onto its side. He’s stunned for a moment, and wonders if perhaps it’s some kind of animal, but when it fails to move and he notices the man who seems to have fallen underneath, he rushes over, his curiosity temporarily waylaid in favor of playing in a more familiar role.

It’s difficult to discern in the dark, but at a glance the man in question is dressed almost entirely in black (which doesn’t seem smart in any land), with short, unkempt hair that’s grown over his ears and across his forehead. For a few moments he’s worried that the man is dead, but he emits a small groan and David springs into action, pushing the “beast” away and pulling him off the street.

As he slowly regains awareness he curses himself for having gone on what feels like a historic bender. Because how could his head hurt this much otherwise? And it’s only when he starts to feel the numerous aches growing elsewhere, along with a distinct lack of dry, soft bed sheets that he starts to remember the painful, confusing reality of a few minutes previous—that bloody gleam, the pothole, the momentary sensation of dreadful weightlessness. Christ, his bike.

“Hey,” he hears (along with a mild, worrisome ringing), as if from a distance, “Hang in there, okay? You’re gonna be okay.” And then, at a softer pitch, “...I think.”

“Ugh,” Killian manages, a nauseous feeling building in his stomach, “please tell me you didn’t call an ambulance.”

Even in his post-nearly-flattened-by-his-bike state, the thought of cumbersome medical bills on top of the repairs he was certain needed to be made on the bike was a whole other kind of headache he could happily do without.

“You’ll be pleased to know that I don’t know what that is,” replied the deep, noticeably pleasant voice floating somewhere above him.

In any other circumstance there likely would’ve been a short chuckle after that, but Killian feared some for the state of his ribs at the moment, and merely grunted some more. “Bully for you then mate,” mumbling, “overpriced nonsense. I’ll be fine.”

This is one of my favorite parts of this story—no matter how many times I’ve heard it. The first time he laid eyes on him. Before all the mess that came after (myself included); before he started to realize the kind of story he was in, the only thing he could see (so he says) was dad’s eyes. Which, as a teenage girl, I am fully ready to believe. And dad does have pretty eyes.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the help,” Killian started, wincing from the streetlight overhead, “but is that a cape you’re wearing?”

Not just a cape (although really, who just wore a cape these days)—the man hovering over him, his rescuer, for all intents and purposes, who he was slowly beginning to realize might have actually been the cause of his current predicament, was draped in an absurd amount of Renaissance faire finery. From the fur-lined cape to the loose-fitting blouse, Killian began to suspect that the man in question had not been trying to be funny when he claimed to have no knowledge of ambulances. Or perhaps, Killian began to think worriedly, he had ridden in a fair number himself.

#@hencethewriter #writersmonth2020 #captain charming #cc: saved my life #idk gang #i might have to finish this thing

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theholycovenantrpg · 3 years

Photo

CONGRATULATIONS, EMMA! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF MAMMON.

Admin Rosey: There is something about Mammon that draws people in - but I know that they can be a very fickle character down simply because they are so utterly unique unto themselves. I really enjoyed the application because of the way they were outlined so meticulously, providing the exact understanding of Mammon that I very much longed to see. There was a certain disdain that was interwoven into everything, from the plots to the prose to the dialogue. The apathy that seemed to be teeming on the surface of things was absolutely delicious to eat up.This application was a fun read and I simply cannot wait to see how you develop Mammon along the way! Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Emma

Age | 23

Personal Pronouns | She / Her

Activity Level | Decently active, at least once a week if I can get my shit together!!! Always making the effort to stick and get replies whenever available! ( At the moment I’m pretty available but things might change in a couple of months depending on work and etc )

Timezone | EST

Triggers | REMOVED

How did you find the group? | Rosey is a Queen and was like hey look I did something sexy and I clicked and I gasped and I agreed, she did do something sexy. And then I said wow and the rest of the team also did like magic and I was shook. And here I am now applying for the sexy.

IN CHARACTER

Character | MAMMON

What drew you to this character? |

There is something so raw about a demon birthed from nothing - they are the epitome of emptiness, their existence almost synonymous to a black hole which I find extremely fascinating. They are greed, they are consumption, they devour all, eating away at others in physical tangible methods. Perhaps it is their cruelty that is ultimately a big part of what fascinates me - untangling the web of what makes them tick is yet another facet. I’d love to explore their mind and uncover the inner workings of their feral being. Their gluttonous ways and conquest to swallow those around them whole is chaos at it’s finest. The danger that glints in their eyes and the attitude that exudes from them is everything I could ever desire in a character. They’re also really hot. I mean Noma Han though.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character? |

& I EAT UNTIL ALL IS CONSUMED | Mammon is a fickle creature who thrives in pandemonium. They tread a questionable line of self indulgent anarchy. Their arms are extended like the angels in mockery, writing their own fanatical laws that no one else could truly understand. Their madness thrives in their mind - their motivation always geared toward their own personal satisfaction. But what if the scale was to tip? Perhaps someone or something will catch the gleam in their darkened eyes. What if they too could live for more than the tool that was once wielded by others. Long accustomed to opulent luxury and gluttonous sin, never had they batted an eye at the politics swirling within courts. Yet for someone as hungry as they, was such mundaneness enough? What if they were to crawl past the line of humdrum satisfaction. What if they dove deeper into their instability - their appetite always growling for more. In a dog eat dog world, they had always been the one to voraciously guzzle first. Enjoying what existed was mediocrity and they were far more than that. With sharpened razor teeth, they know they can bite off more. Nothing would be too much to chew, for eating and taking was what they did best. Take and take until there was nothing left, ambition spirals to the damned heavens itself.

HOPE? WHAT A PECULIAR CURIOSITY | Accustomed to eons past of old tales whispered in their name, there is something tedious of Mammon’s life. While they have long been accompanied by their gourmandizing, they too seek out a spark of new excitement. Their bones creak, their jaw snaps at the thought of a new conquest - a new game. Perhaps a pursuit that is unexpected by all others - especially of demon kind. They have seen much and heard much and curiosity is like temptation itself. They too wonder of things like hope - entertaining the concept. They do not understand it as they have long been an inhabitant of the same old Hell. Yet even they tilt their head in interest. What is this so-called thing of wonder that has kept civilizations afloat? And it is this same twisted intrigue that has left their lips parted in bemusement. Will they succumb to it’s enigmatic mystery? What shall become of the creature who begins to understand?

MONARCH OF PILFERED GOLD | A thief with a stolen crown, it is hardly an understatement to say that Mammon’s a selfish bastard. Anything that caught their eye was plucked by their greedy fingers by the right of their own claim. The excitement that coursed through their being elicits an ecstasy like no other. They will never forget the seal of death against Morningstar himself, oh how delightful it had all been. The sweet taste of bloodied victory is ever so ripe and thus this addiction to capture the same sensation thrusts them forward to chase it all over again. It was never enough for a being like Mammon who was carved from hunger itself. The pupils of their eyes dilate, looking toward shinier prizes - bigger ones that would make tidal wave changes. In their proud arrogant veneer, they mark their target in the back of their mind. Names and faces never forgotten as they seek to take one treasure after another. And perhaps the thrill of the game is only ever more exciting when the opponent viewed them as an enemy. It fuels the maniacal cackles that rip through their throat because what is theirs will be theirs. It would only take a matter of time before they conquered again and again. After all they took down the King of Hell, at this point - what else couldn’t they take? More is more.

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS & PLOTTING EXPLORATIONS

GABRIEL ; HOW SWEET IT TASTES TO INCITE YOUR WRATH | I really love the potential between Gabriel and Mammon as there’s undeniable heated tension. With him, Mammon feels the very sensation they have long been addicted to. The palpable hatred that lurks beneath Gabriel’s eyes lures Mammon closer - curious to see what would happen if they pushed further and incited an infernal fire. Undoubtedly I can see this dynamic burgeon into something both intimate and unspoken. For Mammon it is their newest game, their newest thrill ride to feel something and be seen. They will not deny themselves of the attention and want to bear witness to Gabriel’s promise of their destruction. ( I’m also here to see the angst )

“Destroy me if you can, desire me if you can’t” - Mammon

ROMILDA ; FOR THIS ONE’S DEMISE SHALL BE DELICIOUS | Mammon and Romilda appear to be playing some game of cat and mouse which offers for some spicy ideas. For Mammon, they remain closeby like a voyeur peering into the windows of another’s life - perhaps others would perceive it as a God complex. But it is not stemmed out of arrogance or superiority, rather just another form of amusement for a creature as bored as them. They follow at her feet to watch what will happen because she is interesting and they’re nosy and want to know more. Perhaps Romilda will get sick of it? Who knows! ( I could see them being lowkey kind of obnoxious to Romilda. )

“Tell me a story and I’ll give you a show.” - Mammon

REVNA ; COME CLOSER INTO THE DARKNESS O FRAGILE ONE | To Mammon, Revna is like the perfect three course meal - so deliciously melancholic and on the verge of hopelessness. They keep her around close to keep her entrenched in her misery. It is also like the finale of a play, they await to see what will snap and send her spiraling - an event that will certainly incite their wicked glee. But Mammon believes themself to be merciful, kind even - giving her a choice to do as she pleases. They just merely amplify what she already believes. And I can’t wait to play that out - this is pretty much a parasitic relationship except Revna gets nothing out of it really. ( They’re the world's shittiest therapist tbh )

“The closer to the edge you are, the grander and greater the fall.” - Mammon

GADRIEL ; KNEEL BEFORE MY FEET AND BEG FOR MERCY | Mammon has never forgotten the events that had unfolded, a sickly sensation that sticks to the guts of their stomach. It is both a disgrace and a dishonor to have ever allowed such a thing to have occurred. They are not one to bury the hatchet - rather they hold onto it with a grip. I would like to see Mammon and Gadriel perhaps duel once again, mayhaps to the death? If anything this too can make for some good drama. Maybe Mammon will make a friend - or just die, anythings possible! ( They’re in denial that they’re kinda pressed and acting like it’s no big deal but you know deep down it's a big deal )

“An outcome must be decided; to the victor go the spoils.” - Mammon

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes! But I would also think it’s funny if people keep trying to kill them and they just come back like, bitch you thought. Just imagine the meme potential.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation |

AND IT BEGINS ( THE ORIGINS OF IDENTITY )

Largely much of Mammon’s natural instincts seems to center around the concept of “hollowness” or “emptiness” and in turn, it would be likely that they would like to share this void sensation of others, a cruel goal but for them - it is merely how they live. Perhaps another reason to pull others into their sphere of vacancy is the twisted amusement of watching others suffer. They are wicked and have never denied it so, and to share in such pain only feeds into their own warped sense of pleasure and indulgence. However even so, their identity remains a translucent nonlinear jumble of messes, one that they do not wholly understand and seek to untangle. Simply put, they are beyond unusual, strange even and given their long years of existence, have become bored of routine.

THE CHANGE ( A NEW GAME )

And upon a frivolous whim, maybe they shall change it - or not, for they are as volatile as a child. But should change come, perhaps this will force them to act differently from the habits they have long been accustomed to. However, perhaps there is potential within their sinful avaricious vice to fall even deeper into the pitfall of hell. They have always been greedy in their collection of treasures. And surely objects have immense value but what if Mammon were to take it a step further? Breaking past the limits of inanimate items, their eyes may be set on an ever steeper goal. Their nurtured sadism bears fruit to cruel intentions; maybe it's time to take from the essence of humanity itself. It is people they wish to take from now; their hearts, their minds and even their souls.

DANCING TO THE FINALE ( BOPPING TO NIGHTMARES )

They want to carve out the creature that breathes their sweet drink of life. Through veiled grins and snide chuckles, they seek to pull the strings of those they deem of inconsequential value. Upon invisible puppet strings, Mammon will play until they tire once more. For it is all just a game to someone who’s never truly ever had a reason to care. ( Born in the void, they become just as senseless the place they call home - it is a cold cavity that is all they have known. ) They live in their own world of selfishness and conceit, the world just a playground for devils to play. So they shall dance in the dark, picking one human target to another, rejoicing in the cries of anguish. And when the song shall end and the old rickety monster becomes exhausted, they will crack their wrists. It is then they will break the fools until there is nothing left. Again and again the routine shall be repeated. Because Mammon hardly understood life in itself; only ever the depths of shadows and death.

Every word of hope and moral goodness consumed until by the black tar tongued of hell’s devil; and that is when the being is slaughtered, becoming just a husk of what they once were.

ABRIDGED : Ok so like to sum up, Mammon’s just a big asshole and just wants to screw up other people because they’re mainly 1. Bored and 2. Why the hell not it’ll be funny. 3. Collecting trash is their hobby. They’re so self absorbed in themselves that I feel like in order for Mammon to be pushed toward some outside motivation would require them to either 1. Get friends or 2. To give a fuck about someone else ( to care - WOW ) But as of the moment any sort of motivation or goal just stems from their own wants or needs which rules above all else. They don’t want much in life at the moment besides hoarding, stealing, taking new shit and playing fake God if they can. Or just be that third person ominous narrator that’s super unhelpful but is there to give unnecessary input. Demons gotta do something to pass the time, right?

Character Traits |

Positive Traits

Observant ; They have long had sharp pointed eyes - ones that watched the slightest ticks upon a visage, the subtlest movements of one’s gestures, the rhythm of footsteps of others. Mammon is a particular being who has long been watchful with a gaze that is both frightening as it is dangerous. But it is through their observations that fan the flames of mania. They play their games regardless of their opponent, their whims self serving first.

Strategic ; A good player must learn the ins and outs of any game and it is one of the first things that Mammon has long gravitated towards. They pick their wars keenly, sometimes even merely satisfied with the knowledge that things shall work as they had planned. Execution is what they have done best and it takes more than sheer luck and power to finesses such precision.

Clever ; Far from a moron, Mammon has always prided themselves in their intellect. However, exercising such wit often was a choice rather than a given. For the gluttonous demon celebrated their flaws far more than any of their redemptions. Only in dire circumstances would they ever apply themselves with the extra effort of thinking. Perhaps when a worthy enough challenge came along its merry way, they would finally exert their mind once more.

Negative Traits

Rapacity ; Mammon has always had a large appetite for intemperance. Both physical and metaphorical, they celebrate in the excess. The more they devour, the more satisfied they become. To them, boundaries are just suggestions. Their overwhelming need to take everything from everyone fuels them to function. Nothing could ever be enough. More was always better, and they live by these words on a daily basis.

Sadistic ; They enjoy the thrill of crawling under the skin of both friends and foes. It is amusing to watch souls tortured and in pain, the sound of shrieks and cries are like trumpets to their ears. They rejoice in the reactions, cackle in the face of desperate pleas - they have long been accustomed to cruelty. Perhaps it is the infliction of pain that they themselves can understand human emotions; something so strange and foreign. For they themselves have long lived null and empty.

Manipulative ; Silver tongued and clawed finger tips, Mammon is shrewd in their approach and sly in their tactics. They enjoy digging beneath the surface of what is seen and plucking out the weakest part of a flawed creation. Behind a face that may mask friendliness lies a sinister creature full of mischief and mayhem. They speak with lies, wearing deceit as their second nature. The craze they exude glints beneath the murky tar colored eyes.

In-Character Para Sample |

EXCERPT 01: LUCIFERS FINALE.

WHEN SINNERS FALL, DEMONS SHALL RISE

T R I G G E R - W A R N I N G : Implications of Violence, Death / Murder

Morningstar, the king of Hell, how arrogantly he sits upon the throne of bones and emptied carcasses. His face is marred with arrogance; of kingly conceit that is forged from his own inflamed hubris. How pompous Lucifer appears - but perhaps it is the lens that Mammon perceives that weaves the tale which whispers of their questionable truth.

But rewind -- it begins from the beginning. The one object that sat like an artificial halo atop Lucifer’s head; oh glory to the shiniest trophy of them all. It was all they ever wanted, clenched fists with fingers dug deep into their palms. Such a beautiful crown wasted on the being they thought most undeserving.

Mammon had arrived late, birthed in the pits only then. They were nothing but a speck in the universe. Thus they knew, to be worthy of such a precious coronet, they needed to become something. Someone. Their worth must be equal to the item they wished to pursue - or so they once believed.

And so the fateful day came and Mammon strolled within the gates. Head held high, arms swung side to side as their eyes followed the audience. From one head to another - oh the looks of dissatisfaction restrained at the edges of the crowd’s ugly visages. Mammon sensed it, felt the dissent looming through the room - like fog itself, murmurs could be heard throughout. But all of them were cowards, their heads still bowed lowly before the demon king himself.

They greet the false King, a cockiness in their stride as they stand with informality, a grin crawling up their knife like features. There is a nonchalance in their posture, an indifference that seemed to agitate his royal hellness.

“I have returned,” the voice thickened and dark.

Mammon sees the rage, understands the ticking bomb that lies behind the devil’s veneer. But they did what they did best - they poked and prodded.

“The world is a pleasurable place beyond the frigid walls of this palace. It seems that you have been forgotten, your name abandoned, forsaken,” Mammon sighs - their pupils never moving an inch away from the Morningstar’s head.

“I suppose your ‘greatness’ is nothing compared to the man residing upstairs,” they mocked.

Lucifer is silent but his cool rage could be felt. The stillness that fell could stop time itself. It was then he stood, fingers gripped at the arms of his wretched throne. His voice is a hiss, fueled with laughable jealousy. Words that only Satan himself could ever conjure slithered between the flaps of whatever made his mouth.

But Mammon remained themself. Unflinching as they awaited - beckoned the fury to light brighter and brighter. They took a step, accepting a dare with the fates. And it was then that they had crossed the line, the servants of Morningstar thrusting them upon their knees.

They had trekked into uncharted territory - detonating the wrath of the top Devil. A small smile appeared on their face. It was all a joke. But the glee that curdled through their rickety bones brought forth the satisfaction they had gambled for. How sweet was the taste of Lucifer’s anger and jealousy - they could eat up more -for it was aromatically delicious.

The pits of Tartarus were nothing for a creature like them. They would claw their way out as they had done once before. How amusing it all was, they had stepped on the toes of a ‘supposed king’ who’s envy entrapped him. It was confirmed in that moment that Mammon who had wandered the planes with a trail ablazing, they had become something more. They left once but they’d swore they’d come back for more.

A KING NO MORE

And so they returned. Indifference worn upon the husk humans called a face. Their decision never came from a place of justice or hatred. No, it was the one fixation that they had long desired. And the only way for them to ever get such a prized possession was to chop it from the head of the wearer.

It was a merry day for a remorseless killer.

They spun to the tune that played in their head - the haunting whistle that made their feet tap to a jig. It was the mighty king of hell’s turn to have a taste of damnation. Perhaps somewhere the Angels would have sung for Mammon's praise. But whether the pasty holier than thou freaks did or didn’t, they didn’t give a fuck.

Mammon wanted what they wanted. Blade in the grasp tightly, exposing the whites of their knuckles. Today was the day to claim their very first love. ( Love? Obsesion? No, it was just another whim, another aimless desire. )

Swiftly they cut, quickly they shredded. It wasn’t long before the Morningstar was beheaded.

In the bloody mess of whatever made the black hearted creature, Mamon ripped the crown from his head. Their fingertips stained with the colors of death, they place the object upon their own head. In the reflection of the glassy floor - they bear a smile, teeth exposed to show their mephistophelian smile.

And yet the feeling is fleeting - as it always was. They had come and conquered but it was never really enough. The agenda was completed and their excitement gone. They looked at themselves once more, the grin fading. Their fingers gripped the item and threw it on the dirtied ground.

A sigh of exasperation exited their lips, their back turned as they walked away. Onlookers bowed before them but they did not care. They had their fun and as routine, it was time for Mammon to find a new toy to play with. But before they vanished from sight as they were long accustomed to, they glanced back once more. An itch to feel the euphoric sensations that rattled their ribcage and howled beneath their flesh.

Alas.

It was just another fucking crown.

____________________________________________________________________________________

EXCERPT 02: THE UNKNOWN.

IN MY PRESENCE, ANGELS SCREAM

It was him that they found a fascination like no other, an unsettling sensation that felt akin to perhaps what the humans may call alive. Mammon lurks within the shadows - not to close, just enough to see them. Enough to feel something within that jostled, reminiscent of a beastly heart.

“I know you’re there.” He blinds like the sun.

Mammon says nothing.

It is then that Gabriel makes his approach. Oh glory to a walking God. Each step ringing like the bells of divine retribution. But Mammon does not waver, nor do they run. They welcome it, their lips curling at the corners.

“I am here oh sweet fair haired angel,” their words spiteful. “Vanquish me if you truly dare.” It is then that they too walk into the light. They should have burned. But darkness consumes all, absorbs all and takes all.

Gabriel does not speak. But his gaze does not fall.

LOVE AND HATRED ARE SAME SIDES OF PASSION

It is Mammon's turn to take the stage and so they do. They walk closer, enough to taunt the other. They delighted in the seething temper that boiled beneath. His hatred was like no other; he bears witness to Mammon’s full depravity. It is Gabriel who seems to understand the monstrosity of what they are. And it is in this fragile perverted supposed understanding that pulls Mammon closer.

“You have cultivated your sainthood, your goodness,” Mammon remarks. “But isn’t that your purpose? The will of accursed God all too shitty. But you see Gabriel - I am like you too. It is just merely a difference in … design,” words hissed with pitch black mirth.

Their finger is pointed at them.

“For you, they strove for righteousness.”

“They gave you light. Nurtured you with warmth.”

“Your existence was a predestined fortune.”

There is ridicule dripping from their words. No bitterness, no care - just vacant rambles and little thought - a pretend of emotion conducted for theatrics. They raise their arms to the sky, their middle fingers pointed.

“But I was made as an omen, an example of all things terrible.”

Their arms dropped as their focus returned to one of God’s original favorites.

“They made me hungry.”

“They made me wretched.”

“For all the love and praise you fucking angels sing, how imperious for your kind to judge.”

Mammon closes the distance, their mouth upturned like a risen half moon.

“Doesn’t it pain you to know that our fallen creator had us all cut from the same cloth? Despise me should you wish but do not deny that even you, pure and good, harbor something as foul as hatred.” They laugh - cacophonic delirious cackles of a madman facing death.

Mammon stops - in the quietness their head tilts, a sneer pulling at their lip.

“Kill me if you choose but it’ll make you no better than the Devil.”

____________________________________________________________________________________

Extras |

HEAD CANNONS

WINGS : I’ve always imagined that Mammon would have wiry or metal looking wings? Like it would be sharp and mimic spare parts or just trash, almost as if they had made their wings by hand. I’m specifically picturing the creepy hand from the “Other Mother” in Coraline but imagine the material as wings ( reference here )

FOODIE : I think it would be funny that they’re somewhat of a fancy connoisseur of food. Well food and perhaps anything else that they can put in their mouth. I feel like their standards of what can be eaten really is at a low bar. They would be down to just chew on some dirt and be like “wow the flavor in this silt soil can not be compared to clay.” Seems like the type of thing Mammon would be into. Probably would overshare and even attempt to encourage others to try whatever the hell they’ve decided to swallow that day.

TRENDSETTER : Given that Mammon likes to take a lot of shit and probably has the attention span of a child, I don’t think they’d be wearing the same outfit on repeat ever. I also feel like they’d be the type to put on a plastic bag and then call it high fashion and maybe people would believe them? Or not - I mean the choice is simple, nod or choose death I suppose. I also see them being a big fan of sunglasses just to be dramatic when they toss it off to really emphasize how crazy and fucking wild they truly are. Also I could see them just being dramatic for no good reason with a little bit of a flair for theatrics.

WEAPON: Perhaps Mammon’s weapon of choice would be akin to something that looks like a Scythe? Or maybe they’re the type that would keep a handful of sharp blades on them, I could definitely imagine them playing with a butterfly knife and doing tricks with it since they’ve had hours upon hours to learn and fuck around. I could also see them picking up other people’s weapons and going like “well that's nice, going to add it to my collection. This one would be great for some good old stabbing.”

MUSIC : Despite being kind of a silent type, Mammon secretly is the type to be into a lot of music??? Especially when they’re doing some dirty business or like kicking someone for being a buckethead, I could imagine them jamming to some sweet tunes while doing the ass kicking. Maybe they’ll whistle too. Here’s a scene from American Psycho whis is the inspiration I got behind this ( reference here // trigger warning: murder + violence + blood )

OTHERS

PINTEREST | MOCKBLOG

ENDNOTE: Thank you for reading through my application! Just wanted to say that you guys did such a great job with the roleplay. Whether I’m accepted or not, I had a lot of fun writing this & exploring the character so thank you! ♥

#accepted #accepted: mammon

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edmund-valks · 5 years

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What Lies Beneath... the Barn

“Wait, if you can think of that, why do you need me?”

Ilandreline brushed dark hair back from her sweat-slicked brow, carefully pouring molten metal into gear molds. “Because I can only do the calculations, not the actual magic. Also I would prefer to be able to validate it before I get my friends sucked into terrifying cosmic voids.”

She was really glad for this setup, even more glad that nobody seemed to notice she’d built a basement into the barn using a disintegrating arcanodrill while they’d been off engaging in weird things like “commerce”, whatever that meant. Not that she didn’t know what the word meant, but. Is my internal dialogue supposed to be this bad? No, it’s not. Maybe you’re not as smart as you hoped. Fair.

“Anyway,” she said aloud, setting the fresh gears to quench, “you’re the only one I know who even cares about my planar work, much less understands how to use it in this fashion. You already made it better, remember? That second letter of yours?” She spared a glance for the other elf, trying to gauge her reaction.

Perched on a corner of her workbench, the diminutive ren’dorei was… blushing? Either that or suffocating; her cheeks were flushed a soft violet rather than her whole face, so presumably it wasn’t asphyxiation. “Well, I mean, anyone could have if they-”

“If you finish that sentence I’m going to hit you with a wrench.”

She stopped so fast her teeth clacked.

The Fence Macabre’s resident -- whether they knew it or liked it -- engineer continued. “If anyone could do it, then I’m a fool for not having done it myself, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t just call me a fool. And second of all, no, they couldn’t have, so stop trying to downplay your work. You’re smart about this stuff and you’ve got a unique perspective. You’re a valuable colleague and I’d love for you to be a co-author when I publish this theory.”

More colour rushed to her cheeks, making Sentua look something like a blueberry. Poor thing! Whatever the ren’dorei had done to themselves, it had really screwed them out of any fashion choices they may have liked beforehand. Red and gold just… didn’t… with that complexion.

“I… would like to be published with you, thank you. Are you sure- Wait, of course you are, otherwise you wouldn’t have said it, right?” She took several deep breaths. “Sorry.”

Ila shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. You about studied up, ready to try out the first one?”

“Um. Let me take one more look at the diagram and re-check the math. Then I’ll go over the runes again.”

“Sure thing, take your time. I got a bunch of these brass bastards to make anyway.” Anyone from the Fence who wasn’t her was unlikely to have any idea why she was making multiple copies of something that was already built. That was probably for the best. Nobody else really seemed to appreciate the old grandfather clock the way she did.

While she worked, her visitor did exactly as she’d said she would, tracing the structure they’d slowly developed using extraplanar theoretics combined with several known nexus points. If they’d had access to a superior medium (who wasn’t also wholeheartedly opposed to their purpose), maybe they would have been able to determine if it was going to work without having to craft a prototype. But what would be the fun in that?

Well, it would certainly involve less child endangerment.

Hey! That’s not fair, she’s an adult!

...In human years, yes. How old is she? Twenty?

Twenty-three? Give or take a year.

This is wildly irresponsible parenting!

I’m not her parent!

Good point. It’s really irresponsible of them to let her hang out with someone like us.

No kidding! What are they thinking!

“Okay, I’m getting started now. Try to keep quiet and stay over there. I’m… not sure what this is going to look like when I get it going.”

That made two of them. Ilandreline very casually moved behind a thickly armoured panel she used in case one of her iron molds exploded. “Righto, let ‘er rip, Senny!”

Despite her youth, she sure looked like she knew what she was doing. Having grown up around an assortment of arcane manipulators (as well as normal manipulators), Ila could usually follow spellwork as it happened. She was utter rubbish at it herself, but that was why she’d done theoretical work. That way she never had to prove anything except on paper.

The interweaving runic designs began flaring to life, unexpectedly nightblue with pinpricks of starlight within them. A brief peek without her goggles in place confirmed that wasn’t a trick of the lenses, it was the Real Deal. Since she had no idea what it meant, if anything, the sin’dorei kept waiting and watching.

A subaural thrum filled the air, slowly building intensity. Sentua seemed unbothered, continuing to do… whatever a wizard did during a lengthy ritual. Concentrate or something. The vibration became more sensible until it started to feel like her teeth were going to rattle from her skull. Then it stopped and things got weird.

When your family was exiled due to a misunderstanding involving the regular sacrifice over centuries of sentient beings to dark powers, you grew up with a different baseline for weirdness from others. As a result, this wasn’t the weirdest thing Ila had ever seen, but it was certainly up there. She pulled her goggles off to see with the tainted vision that same “misunderstanding” had gifted her.

Portals were opening and clothing, like mouths made of eyes, evaporating as soon as they formed. A loop made of itself (what?) turned outside-in until they disappeared inside it. Eyes of darkness flared against the backdrop of interminable void within one of the gaping portal-maws and she felt uncomfortably seen. Maybe I messed up the math after all.

A crackle of power flared through the starlight rune-circles, drawing constellations like the antipodal counterpart of what she’d seen in drawings from Ulduar. This was a place she recognized, but not in a way she’d experienced it before. There was the old, familiar whisperings, comforting as ever, slipping over and through her being with their gentle rubberiness. The sensation of being watched, as always, and knowing what was heard wasn’t her own thoughts; just another day looking at what the authorities of Silvermoon had called “the wrong side of things” when they’d been exiled a couple hundred years back.

The ache in her jaw was new, though. And… getting worse. Something was affecting the pressure in the room. Maybe I should open the door up to the barn, help equalize it? Ilandreline tried to move but her body wouldn’t respond right. She tried to talk but nothing came out. The air felt like molasses, though, and it started to… ooze… into her open mouth in one of the more unpleasant sensations she’d ever encountered.

This is definitely bad, this is going to keep increasing until we pop like overfed ticks. It wasn’t a comforting thought. She’d die like she’d lived, though: making bad decisions with dangerously undertested experiments. Her jaw was being forced wider and wider, until it felt like it was going to pop out of its socket. Then something did pop and there was a roar like an entire storm’s worth of thunder if it was packed into a giant’s sneeze.

Wetness -- blood? Probably! -- trickled from her ears, but she could close her mouth again. She did so, gingerly, rubbing at it. “Faoh,” she mumbled, unable to make real words quite yet. Her brain didn’t want to form them, her mouth couldn’t. She blinked far too often for several minutes before recovering enough to replace the tinted lenses through which she typically viewed the world.

Sentua was still standing, looking… mostly normal. Maybe slightly dazed; half catatonic? No more than that, maybe only a quarter. But she was also grinning like the cat who’d eaten a smaller, weaker cat to gain its feline prowess.

“Ah wubna!” she said in triumph.

“Fwah?” was Ila’s response as she stuck her little finger into an ear, trying to pry loose the inability to understand. It came back covered in what was definitely blood, possibly with a little extra something she didn’t want to think about too closely.

The ren’dorei worked her jaw a bit, then tried again. “I did it!” The words formed right that time, managing to get through the sticky haze in Ila’s ears. “I don’t know if it worked, but it went off just like we expected it to.”

“Hleva nuhs!” Frowning, she slapped herself once, then a second time, harder. Wiggling her jaw from side to side, she formed the words very deliberately. “Ve...ry… nice.” Moving over to where the first pocket watch -- more staggered, really, as if she was quite drunk -- Ilandreline examined it. It looked right.

She turned it just so, opened a back panel to look into the mirrored surface there, checking behind her. And sure enough, just as she’d hoped, there was the leering grin of a lurking specter, axe poised and with a hungry look in its eyes. “Hey, fella! Good to see you again. We made you portable.” She laughed, gave a wink that the cursed entity could never see. “Look out, world! The Fence Macabre has portable curse detectors now!”

Her new partner came to look over her shoulder and practically jumped out of her skin. Sentua glanced hurriedly back to the real world then into the gleaming silvered expanse. “This… this is what you were trying to do?”

“Absolutely!”

“But… why?”

Ilandreline just stared for a moment. She didn’t understand why people kept asking that. It was clearly a great idea. “Because why wouldn’t you want to be able to see what kind of horrific spirits are lurking in an area? This is a much more portable form of the curse, one that can be replicated multiple times using the demiplanar transpositionalities we derived, augmented through a series of linking and magnifying matrices. So long as I keep at least half of the original gears in the grandfather clock, I can use the rest to create portable horror viewers!”

Sentua stared at her for rather a long time. It got awkward. Eventually she shrugged, though, which was probably for the best. “Well, as long as you’re happy and it works, I guess that’s good enough for me! I think I’m gonna go home and sleep, though, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, absolutely. Get your rest, that was probably pretty draining.” She grinned, squeezed the young elf in a one-armed hug. “And be proud! You did great.”

“Thanks! I… don’t know if replicating a curse into multiple other objects was what I thought I’d be doing, but at least it confirmed our theories.” She grinned weakly, then stumbled off to the designated teleportation corner, keying one of her completion-tokens to zap her back home.

Ilandreline kept turning the pocket watch over, chuckling. It didn’t tell time worth a damn, but she didn’t care about that. It had worked. And she was going to be published again for that work, damn it, preferably somewhere that would absolutely irritate her parents to no end.

Truly, she was living her best life, and it was all thanks to the Fence.

#Wow Rp #fence macabre #warcraft rp

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spacegaywritings · 4 years

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"Take Me Or Leave Me" - Chapter 3: Fight

Summary: Roman decides to fight for the relationship and face his internal struggles. Tags: panic, anxiety, self-esteem issues, self-hatred/deprication, emotional talk, dissociating, drowning/water metaphors, bad public opinion on actors (mention)

ao3: 1 / 2 (angst) / 3 (comfort) // all. Tumblr: 1 / 2 / 3.

My KoFi - Support me ♥ or Commission me

Story under the cut:

Roman took his chance as Logan had given him this last chance, had offered him to take him as he was even though it meant giving up his flirtatious outlets. Maybe he was right and he should focus on Logan more but he knew he was more than scared of doing this. Then again, he did agree on marrying him and this said something, right?

“Why”, he asked, his voice coming out softer than the tickling sensation of young feathers against skin. The thespian felt tears welling up in his eyes and they choked down his voice. The emotions roared within him, screaming and raging to take his vulnerability back, to step away from his decision and erase it by pretending it was just an act and he was not interested in Logan.

But he was.

Oh, he was more than interested in Logan and the softening features in his face made Roman falter as he felt more than just hopeless. His feelings seemed to drop and the two stepped forward, meeting in the middle as their eyes locked and pulled them together. They had no say in how much the connection of their love determined their actions.

They were strong enough to challenge Roman’s insecurities, his doubts and his insufficiency. Because he would never be enough, right?

But then, why would Logan marry him? Logan, a high-ranked lawyer, a factual man who knew what he could get and whom he would deserve. Logan, his husband with sophisticated standards and high expectations and the softest smile he had ever been gifted to see with his own eyes. How was he ever good enough for this creature who resembled an angel more than a simple human being?

Logan gently draped an arm around the smaller man, putting the fight aside as he sensed Roman’s impending break down. He heard Patton make the guests leave to another room to get dessert or whatever. It did not matter, it did not affect them because the first priority of the successful lawyer was supporting Roman. He felt the other stir in his arms and his heart twisted painfully as he heard something akin to a sob.

“Why what, my love. What is the matter?”, he mused softly. If this was about the fight, he would still refuse to back down and take any more flirting of his husband to any other person than him or friends under the outspoken conditions of no interest and purely platonic intentions. However, despite his usual struggle with emotions, he could nearly taste the bittersweet vibes coming from his husband and he could feel it corrupt his mild heart.

Roman started full-on sobbing, his body pressing against Logan’s in the hug as he clung to him and he desperately tried to talk, breathe in enough air to produce speech and give Logan the words he needed to carefully handle them but he could not, he was unable to do it and it drove him further into his self-deprication as he felt even too useless to have a simple acknowledgement of his crippling self-esteem issues.

“Why would you marry me?”

Logan froze and gently pushed Roman away, just enough for the two to lock their blue and green orbs together once more, the colours communicating silently as their bearers did not speak with words.

“Why would you ask this?”, Logan asked and gently brushed his thumb over reddish skin of Roman’s cheeks, the wetness of his tear stains transferred to Logan’s hand and the end carefully cupped his face with his left. His right arm stayed securely around the waist of his partner. Roman’s eyes widened a bit at the touch. He had not expected Logan to be so soft, to treat him as something so delicate and important after all the things he had said and the irresponsible and selfish actions he had pursued. Why was Logan so eternally patient and kind after he had shown him his disgusting self behind the handsome facade of his exterior.

“Listen, Roman, dearest. Do you suppose I regret marrying you because of this argument or, perhaps, its source?”

Roman blinked in surprise as his emotions rose within him, a nauseating wave of confusion hitting him and he swore he could have dropped in dizziness right on spot. All that seemed to keep him from it was the alluring presence of Logan. There was this deep voice crawling under his skin, making him shiver and giving him goosebumps. Sure, Logan’s hands were cool but his body was warm, hot even but the voice touched Roman in places that made him freeze.The sound of his husband, analysing and trying to put him intro fragments and then back together in order to grasp his mind, made Roman feel a deep gush within him and he did not know whether he liked this or not but it seemed to give a cool energy ways and paths through his body.

He was bare before Logan, naked in the most emotional sense because this was more than a physical attraction or a bodily connection. This was pure, this was deep and it flew within not only the actor but also the factual man before him.

“Well”, he started, swallowing as he tried to summon the courage he lacked more than anyone would ever bargain for, “I thought you could have better than me.”

Oh.

The man dressed in red wanted to scramble backwards but as his body was fuelled by movement, Logan’s frozen posture sprung to life and pulling him back into his arms, letting their chests collide softly.

“You are right, I could live without you and I would be well off, Roman”, he stated in a chilling precision. Roman was certain that Logan could somewhat control the temperature because of his occupation as a lawyer. This man was just too good with words and he was in charge of how they affected other people. So much to not understanding human feelings and their interplay or regulation - Logan was basically the puppeteer of emotions with his goal-directed speeches.

Right now, however, his goal seemed to be taking Roman and getting a good momentum so he could throw Roman into the ground and watch him shatter like a flailing turtle, stripped of hope and action, falling from the eagle’s grip of temporary pity. The actor had not anticipated this consequence but he deemed it somewhat appropriate. Logan had suffered in his self-esteem and validation as Roman had made him feel less than adequate or enough in their relationship with his constant search for external affirmation and interest - just to make sure he would have options in case the other would suddenly grow tired of him, tired enough to just dump him in a second and never turn back. Roman was not that much of a unique character, when his face was out of question. There was nothing special about him safe for his pretty body and this was doomed to change, therefore disappoint Logan even more, once he would fall victim to the vicious course of time.

Maybe Roman would like the inevitable downfall right now more than dragging it out for any more days, years.

“Do not get me wrong, love”, Logan continued but Roman could barely hear him over the sound of the train running over his heart and the screeching, the squelching of every string of heart being forcefully ripped apart in the process. It felt very much like the detachment of their connection and it felt as if the love between them faded like the sharpness of his vision as everything before his eyes became blurry as if he needed correction for his vision.

The lawyer seemed to keep talking, rambling a bit and when Roman felt a squeeze to his hand, he realised that the twirling world around him had changed and he was now on one of the abandoned chairs. The whole room was void of people safe for the couple. Patton had done a great job clearing the venue for the moment.

“Roman, honey, are you listening to me?”, Roman heard and he blinked in confusion, the sweet sound of Logan’s pet name for him felt like a choking grip around his throat, taking the oxygen out of him that he did not deserve. Well, he felt like a low cheater, the worst of the lowest and he could not imagine deserving to listen to him anymore. The thespian got up, removing himself from the warming comfort of Logan seated next to him. He needed to get away from this alluring succubus before Logan’s kindness would kill him. Would shatter him because Roman deserved it. “Roman, please.. I did not mean to upset you with this statement but I feel as if you were in complete ignorance of the fact that I willingly decided to stay with you because I am not depending on you.”

Roman stopped suddenly, the grip on his throat seemed gone but the air in his lungs was all used up and knocked out and he felt close to fainting, maybe dying. He could not tell. Everything around him was strange and weird and he had trouble focusing on Logan but the piercing clarity of his message reached him in his weird haze and he nodded carefully. “Oh, Roman, Roman, please. I am sorry”, Logan seemed to coo as he rushed over and carefully hugged him close, gently embracing his shivering form. Why was it so cold? Logan’s fingers were cool but his body was so warm and no matter how hot and tingly it would usually feel, the actor simply felt carved out and hollow inside. The cold was inhabiting his body now and it seemed difficult to be coaxed out of the mere shell that was his body. “Please don’t cry, my heart”, Logan continued and Roman nodded numbly, barely noticing how the other brushed a kiss over the back of his hand while cradling him closer, “ You know I love you and I only get jealous because it hurts me when you do this… Roman, I love you so much I even married you even though I never believed in weddings and marriages and now I am here, married to you.” The charming, self-proclaimed prince nodded again, still feeling too much out of this world to touch Logan and really recognise him. It seemed as if he was looking into the mirror and lost himself in the world he was staring into as he tried touching it, reaching into a place that seemed equal but was so different at the same time. Roman carefully rose one of his hands, the other uselessly hanging by the side of his body when he let himself being held close by his husband. He carefully reached out. Maybe the mirrors would suck him into another world, inspire his dreams and flush him own the twirl of fantasies and wondrous adventures but Logan, Logan was different. Logan was his anchor, was the calm breeze on the sea instead of an all-consuming whirl and rage of the vivid waters.

“Lo”, he croaked out, only now understanding that the wetness streaming down his cheeks were the furious cascades of fluid pressing down on his chest and drowning his ability to breathe and instead immerse him in the fuzzy sight of being in the wobbly bubble of water swirls. The thespian clung close to him, blabbering out stammered apologies and helpless explanations that were all but cut off by his own restricted lung volume as the water seemed hesitant to retreat and persistently pressed against him and pushed his heart beat up like a starting turbine. Logan carefully brought his husband down again, gently cradled him close and brought him more or less into his lap as he soothed him and the raging water monsters that, invisibly to him, plagued his beloved bundle of passion and dreams.

“It is alright, I.. I think I understand, Roman” The man in his lap shivered under his touch, squirming involuntarily as the sound of his own name rolling off Logan’s tongue after all this drama of not just today but every moment and day he did not treat his favourite nerd like the precious pearl he was. It was so sincere, it almost pulled another wave of tears from his eyes but he sniffled them down. Roman was okay now, he blinked back into reality and took the stirring wheel in this storm. With Logan by his side, holding him in place when everything seemed insecure and he even doubted himself, he knew he would be safe. They would be safe. “Logan, I .. I was unfair and I guess I flirt with others because I cannot believe you would really stay with me forever. I- I mean I am just an actor and this is a pretty unstable job. I scream bloody revolution and change whenever I can and I get into so much trouble without thinking and you are so calculated and direct..”, he trailed off, stifling a sob that threatened to bubble up to the surface.

The lawyer let him speak, carefully tugging him further into his lap and brushing over his back as if to soothe the wrinkles of his breathing out of him by simply stroking them out of his body. He narrowed his blue eyes down at him, curiosity filling them with a sparkle. The emotions flooding over him and making his heart grow and twitch went unnoticed by Roman as he struggled to continued but eventually wrung with his lungs just enough to suck oxygen into him. It felt so much easier to pull and push air into and out of his body now that Logan sort of emphasised the process and helped him get a little rhythm in the action.

“I.. I was unfair and I did not act like a prince at all. I guess I am not as.. as glittery and stunning as I seem to be and I thought you would just see what everyone else sees when meeting me for a second time or talking to me for more than just a few minutes. I .. I don’t know, Logan, I just did not think I could marry you and now I am scared because… seriously, why would you stay with me when you could hook up with someone else who is more stable and recognised in his profession. You know, some kind of serious business person like you. Someone who just does not get up in the middle of the night to drag you out for watching the stars in the middle of an abandoned part of the forest. Some..someone who is reliable and always there and is always employed and busy and ..someone you could have a family with because he is a real man and brings money home because he takes responsibility.”

Roman let out a shaky breath, feeling as if he was a bottle of shampoo being squeezed until all its contents were finally emptied and out. At least he did not feel cold and unreachable anymore. He did feel Logan’s touch on him and his lap underneath him as he curled up on it. It felt like a comforting blanket of nostalgic smells and warm hugs.

“Impossible”, Logan scoffed and carefully let go off Roman, softly pushing him back into a sitting position so he could face him. The taller man carefully cupped the actor’s face and brushed a thumb over it. “You are so witty yet you are so quick to sputter such preposterous nonsense. I cannot grip the bipolarity of your character sometimes, dear.” Roman blinked, bewildered. Did.. Did Logan just make a joke, was he amused? He seemed a little offended but all in all, there was a faint smile curling at the corners of his lips, pulling his mouth into a bare, lop-sided smile. It felt so childish and carefree to see Logan in such a laid back state and it gave him the butterfly feeling in his stomach, the glowing hope that everything would soon be alright and this was the man he fell for after all.

“You .. you are still in love with me and .. you- you do not regret it?”, he asked for clarification, his trembling thoughts unable to catch the rushing words that chased Logan’s attention and quickly jumped out of him, “You are fine with having married a simple man who will never make as much money as you do?”

The next thing that happened gave Roman another moment of feeling detached from this world. Logan leaned into his own lap, curling in something that seemed like physical support for himself as he started with a simple giggle. It bubbled up like tiny flowers being rustled by the wandering breeze and it tickled Roman’s heart. The thespian was absolutely speechless when his beloved husband and most exposed weakness collapsed into himself and went from softly giggling to full-on laughing, tears pricking at his eyes he vividly dissolved in his own amusement. Suddenly, a pair of arms curled around him and pulled him against the robust chest, vibrating in joy and brimming with affection for him. Roman’s longing seemed stilled for a moment and he only thirsted for more of these sweet sweet drops of the nerd’s lovely sounds.

“I could never not marry you, Roman”, Logan chuckled, his voice slightly hoarse from the sudden laugh and a muffled sound as it fought to sound solemn enough for this conversation but Logan was clearly still on the high cloud of incredulous amusement, “I would be lost without you as complementary component in a relationship with, well, myself. I must admit that the thought of an individual with more social acceptance and recognition does sound appealing but only if I had ever given a real fuck about what strangers think of me in the first place. I do not, I have to disappoint you.” The lawyer played with his tie as a smile played on his lips and he seemed so fondly in love at this moment, Roman felt as if he was watching one of the best romantic scenes in his career. However, this was his life and he was very much the romantic interest of his significant other and this had been very very much a soft compliment and genuine appreciation of him as partner.

His heart was made of soft butterflies and they all took off into different directions of his torso, spreading within him and resonating with tingly tips and taps whenever they hit a dead end. It seemed as if they were echoes of love and fluttery throwing themselves from one corner of his body to another.

“Roman, my heart. Listen to me for a bit longer, okay? I know I talk to much, I ramble a lot but I think I should have given you a bit more talks about why I am in love with you and have always been so ready to take steps in this relationship that I had been so hesitant or resistant to taking with others. Of course everyone would expect me to be with a person who is also a lawyer, who hates messes and loves order like I do but I do not need a copy of myself in my life. I am not that much of a narcissist to be in need of more than one controlling person. My dearest, you are blind to the qualities of your own personality that let us meet when you were courageous enough to talk to me, when you were persistent and confident enough to sway me. You may be a charmer but only because you are interested in everyone being just a tad passionate about something with genuine feelings because you, as an actor, know ugly masks and true authenticity.” Logan carefully squeezed his hand and Roman felt tears threatening to breach the water line of his eyes once more but it did not burn like the forceful urge to do it. Instead, it seemed like the catharsis in his life he had never had encountered before and now there was this tall nerd who was just classy and modest and proper and declined his facades often enough to coax the truth out of him. Logan, with every fiber of his being, made a great lawyer with his care and patience. And now Roman was at the mercy of the words falling off his lips and he was more than okay with being captivated by the warm trance Logan’s word brought him into. It was okay because he would be caught by their mutual trust if he ever tripped in this mess of words and complex expressions.

“Let me tell you that I wish I had known what kind of people I would meet when studying law as young graduate. I was full of dreams and curiosity and I was met with the dryness of books and the expensive excuses of tiny dicks who thought their arrogance could get them into any place and any person. I never wanted any of those pretentious idiots who pretend to be something they are not while being so full of themselves, so full of nothing but shallow lies. Roman, you have never once in your life lied to me but only to yourself when you tried to believe you would like to be with this bartender or this nice girl rather than with me. I know you love me and I know you are an actor and you slide into the roles of others all hours of the day but that does not mean you are, at any moment, something you are not, you just temporarily play as someone else.”

The actor nodded, thirsting for more of these words he thought he would have never hear from literally anyone. He had fought and worked all his life and his pretty smiles had opened doors and arms for him but never had he taken the time to open his arms and heart for someone else, out of simple fear that he would be taken advantage of like he had striven through the lives of others. He had always feared just being another person instead of being finally recognised as individual rather than the faceless and nameless waiter and simple worker who was at the mercy of everyone’s pity and tips.

“I fall in love, not like I read my books or work my cases, Roman. I fall in love with all heart and no mind but when I allowed myself to fall in love with you, I knew I would fall for the dreams I thought I had lost when I was thrown into the world of ruthless students and rich kids. I would never leave you for anyone because you are the prince who brought colour into my world and was never scared of trying hard and working a lot. And we have much more in common in this sense.” The lawyer smiled over at him and carefully reached up with his body to plant a stray kiss onto his temple.

“Lo- … I will never cheat, okay? I have flirted enough and while it is nice to be kind of make someone else feel good, it is not okay to go this far and abandon you!”, Roman answered immediately, the fire in his voice, the persistence of a true knight back in his being and it burned like the justice in his heart as he, in turn, placed his arms around Logan, one hand quick to intertwine his left with his husband’s right fingers. Long, slender, warming up due to the heat of Roman’s fierce heat.

“I will be the love you deserve and I will never make you feel this miserable again”, he promised softly and stood up, solemnly pulling Logan with him and twirling him like the bride his beloved man was, “I will be the prince you deserve and I will keep swaying you off your perfect feet and your calculated position, my pedantic little nerd~”

Logan chuckled warmly as he leaned into the touch and he swirled along in a slow circle around himself as Roman directed him.

“Deal but I we will work on how you think about yourself because I will not share my home with a person idiotic enough to not recognise his own worth”, the taller one insisted stubbornly as he carefully brought himself against Roman’s chest and curled one of his hands, now both free, around his husband’s slim waist. “Deal”

The next words were conveyed by the lazy movement of lips, the electric tingle of rosy flesh connecting their faces and letting their bodies grow closer than materially possible. Their emotions seemed to mix like paint and they were more than delighted to walk their guests back into the hall, hand in hand, with sheepish smiles and warm invitations.

When the bartender left a note with several digits under Roman’s drink, the thespian ripped it into pieces with a tipsy giggle before he was scooped up into another dance with his beloved husband.

Relationships are hard and commitment is long-term but with communication and honesty, there is room for improvement and good feelings.

#Jofluff #my writing #author #writblr #writers #writeaway #Story

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