#wish I joined this fandom sooner

[stinky-bus]

I’ve only gotten into the stranger things fandom in the last 3 months but it’s actually swallowing me whole, and it’s so bittersweet. I haven’t even gone in to actually watch the full show, and there’s a good number of reasons why.

I really wish I had been in this fandom earlier, if not during season 2 and 3, at least during season 4 when it got so big and so popular. I didn’t think much of it then, but now, as I learn about all these characters who I love and am starving in content for, it’s kinda sad seeing that I joined the party super late. Also the fact that I’ll only be in the fandom for the least season, which probably won’t have as big of a following as the last one, and once it’s over everyone will leave. It’s great because there’s so much content to consume and I could look at st things for days, but considering it’s almost 2 years after season 4 and season 5 isn’t set to come out for another 2 years, I’m stuck in this weird spot. I’m hyperfixated on this show, and I’m just now discovering how much I love every detail that goes into this, from the character dynamics to theories to how they write and film it, I fucking love it. And no one else has been talking about it or will talk about it for a good while. I’ve loved looking at the characterization of Steve, and the dynamics of the party/the fruity four, I’ve loved it so much. But I wish I could have experienced this when everyone was talking about it. None of my friends are really into it anymore, and the ones that used to be have understandably fallen out of interest. I know season 5 will be great, and I’m so excited for it, but I can’t help but feel like season 4 was its peak with how big and popular it was, and how just genuinely fucking good everything was about the whole show. I worry that not only will the final season be somewhat underwhelming or stray from the path a bit (with the whole marvelification of st) but that less people will care. Anyways love this show with all my heart, but it makes me so sad thinking about it!

#stranger things #st5 speculation #st5 #steve harrington #netflix #fandom #bittersweet #mike wheeler #will byers #eddie munson #eleven stranger things #max hargrove #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #robin buckley #erica sinclair #wish I joined this fandom sooner #i love it #stranger things analysis #stranger things season 4 #so sad #byler #<— target audience

[gremlinshenanigans]

Oh my god that ending

I was honestly scared to watch it, I usually am with these things, hut boy was it worth it

Somehow, despite all the mess, the ending gave me enough of everything I wished it would, looked Amazing and just dhdjshjfsj

Thank you, owl crew, it's been fun

#toh #toh spoilers #the owl house #watching and dreaming #so many little things #loved it #I just wish I had joined in the fandom a bit sooner #but I'm so happy I even did

[yumeka-sxf]

1-year anniversary post and future projects

My blog turned 1-year old today! 😃 (I also have a new blog banner and profile pic for the occasion!) I was lowkey hoping I'd hit the 1,000 follower milestone before then, but I got close - about 890 followers as of now! I'm very humbled that so many people enjoy my SxF content ❤️ Thank you all so much for your Likes, Reblogs, and kind messages~ Even though I wish I had joined the SxF fandom sooner, better late than never! The series has been around for about four years now, which is still a relatively short time for a popular shonen manga. So I'm hoping there will be plenty more SxF content to indulge in for years to come!

As you've probably seen, I've been reblogging my Twiyor analysis posts as a build-up to my continuation of that project for season 2 of the anime. And I'm happy to report that my planned start date for new analysis posts will be Tuesday, December 12th! On that day I'll post the new installment, Part 19, with a new post each Tuesday after until I finish covering the season 2 episodes. I know it seems like I'm dragging it out, but it takes a long time for me to not only write each post, but to revise and proofread them as well...the more chances I get to proofread my posts over time, the better they turn out. I also want to make sure I don't get too far ahead of the current episodes (since I still want to make the posts manga-spoiler free as much as possible). Since season 2 is only going to be 12 episodes, there won't be as many posts as last time, but the topics are just as compelling! I've been so excited to finally delve into analyzing the cruise arc 😄

I should also mention that late December/early January are going to be very busy times for the fandom: there's the movie release, the game release, the season finale, another art book that I'll want to scan, and the light novel being released in English! Of course I'll be making posts covering all of this, as well as my usual merch and chapter/episode review posts. I'm also planning to do some kind of post mini-series for the game where I write about my experiences with it in a daily journal kind of format. We'll see...there's going to be so much to cover at the end of the year, I hope I won't get overwhelmed 😅

Anyway, thank you all again for a wonderful year of SxF goodness~ Here's to many more years of joy from our beloved fake family!

#spy family #spy x family #sxf #spyxfamily #twiyor #sxf analysis

[fizzyxcustard]

Our Story. 

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: The Hobbit

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x Fem!Reader

Summary: It is your last night in Erebor before you leave. You have been a member of the Company and now that the mountain kingdom has been re-claimed, you are ready to leave and begin a new life on your own. However, Thorin calls for you to spend one last meal with him.

Comments/Notes/Housekeeping: Requested by @lemond57with the prompt 'Our story does not need to end here". If you enjoy this fic, please consider a reblog as they are always appreciated and get pieces of work circulated.

I haven't mentioned how the reader came to be with the Company, so that is up to you to decide.

Your bag was packed and your clothing for the next day was neatly folded over the chair by your desk. You took a glance around the room, having grown fond of your home for the last six weeks. Sleeping in a proper bed had been heaven, meaning that you could have lie ins virtually every morning and not rise out of bed until way after dawn. It was welcome comfort after being on the road with Thorin's Company for the last eight months.

On the end of your bed was a piece of folded parchment. It had been quite a surprise when you woke to find it, sealed within an envelope, having been pushed under your bed chamber door. When you opened it, you were shocked to see such beautiful penmanship. Ornate lettering in jet black ink. Signed off by the king, but only using his given name. That was how he had often requested you address him. No titles. No airs and graces. Just Thorin.

The letter was his proposal for dinner. One last meal together before you disappeared from the mountain the next morning at dawn.

You dressed appropriately for any such occasion: dinner with the king. A burgundy dress with matching slippers. Your usual breeches and baggy shirt would not do tonight. Despite having always had such a down to earth relationship with the king, you still owed him respect on your last evening together.

As you arrived at the main dining hall, a guard took you through the huge, wooden doors. He bowed his head to Thorin, who was sat at the head of the central table, and then said your name, announcing your arrival.

Thorin thanked the guard and got up from his seat. He was smiling, and stepped towards the seat which was immediately to his left hand side. He pulled out the chair, your sign to sit.

"Good evening," you said, offering him a smile. You thanked him for pulling out your seat and rested your hands in your lap.

"Wine?" he asked.

"Yes, please," you replied.

Thorin poured two glasses of wine "I hope you did not think it too forward of me to ask you join me for dinner tonight. I wished to speak with you in regard to your departure tomorrow."

"Of course not. I'm glad you asked me to attend. I couldn't have left without some kind of goodbye."

Thorin sighed and looked at you, his blue eyes growing saddened by your words. "The truth is, I was hoping that tomorrow would not hold any goodbyes. I wish that there had to be no goodbyes."

"Thorin, I'm not one of your people, and it would be wrong of me to stay."

"Why would it be wrong?" Thorin asked, raising his eyebrow. "Our story does not need to end here."

"What do you mean?"

Thorin got to his feet and turned his back from you, with his hands clasped together. "I...I have come to feel a lot for you. Maybe I lived in hope that our stories would entwine somewhere. But I have not seen any sign that it is what you wish also."

You gasped. "W...why did you not say anything sooner?"

"Because I knew there was a very real risk that one of us, or even both of us, may not have made it home. But now that we are both here, alive, I could not let you leave without at least posing the question to you."

You remained quiet, feeling your heart pound. It was thumping so hard in your chest and throat.

"Will you allow me to court you?"

Shock was all you could feel.

Thorin turned back around, his face full of sadness still. "I should not have asked. Silence is answer enough."

You broke through your shock with words of exclamation. "No...No! Please. You caught me off guard."

Thorin remained still, watching your expression closely. Never before had he felt so vulnerable, ready to give his whole future and heart to someone else. Was this the moment you agreed to protect his heart, or would you break it?

"Yes. I want nothing more than to stay with you," you said, a broad smile breaking through the nervousness. You exhaled and got to your feet before Thorin, where you rushed forward and cupped his cheeks with your hands. "I dreamed of this so many times, but never thought it would be possible."

The two of you kissed, and every night forth from then, you remained in Erebor next to the man you loved.

***

Follow Forever tag list: @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @xxbyimm @knittastically @middleearthpixie @meganlpie @linasofia @luna-xial @guardianofrivendell @eunoiaastralwings @rachel1959 @asgardianhobbit98 @sunflwrnsunnieshine @msjava1972 @tschrist1 @quiall321 @enchantzz

#Thorin Oakenshield #The Hobbit #Fanfiction #Richard Armitage #Thorin x You #Thorin x Fem!Reader #Thorin x Reader #Thorin Oakenshield x Reader #Thorin Oakenshield x You #Thorin Oakenshield x Fem!Reader

[pansear-doodles]

i have updated individual discord bios for most rain world servers im in. they're all different depending on the server.

i MIGHT suggest you all to see but that's completely up to you.

they are only kind messages that I wished to express sooner to the fandom and to the subcommunities I've been in.

it's only been 8 months ever since I joined this fandom.

when will i change them? unsure.

they're all cheesy. yeah. am i using it as a means to win back people? no. they're only simply nice messages- messages of thanks for the people who were there to experience a lot of things with me in my journey as a once alone slugcat.

#thoughts

[jayktoralldaylong]

Shen Jiu's relationship with Luo Binghe always baffled me when I first joined the SVSSS fandom.

Like, what did he do? What did this child do to you to make him hate you so much? Luo Binghe was powerless and small and just wanted praise from anyone who would give it, acknowledgement from anyone who would give it, love and acceptance from anywhere he could find it. What could a child like that have done for you to treat him so badly? Finding out Shen Jiu had been a child slave blew my mind even more because how can you put someone through the same heart shattering pain that you went through? What level of cruelty is required for shit like that?!

I assume Shen Jiu looked at Luo Binghe, perceptive as he was, and saw within him the eyes of a powerful dominating dictator. The kind of eyes the slave masters had. Eyes that had haunted him his entire life. Those eyes disgusted him. He could tell that Luo Binghe would grow powerful, possessive and destructive (It's not like he was wrong). Rather than guide that power into a more progressive light, he decided it was better to stomp it out entirely.

Shen Jiu isn't sorry about what he did to Luo Binghe and he would fucking do it again if given the chance. Not even tortured was he sorry about hurting Binghe, he only wished he'd killed him sooner. Morally black characters like that kind of amaze me more than morally grey characters. Cause grey characters can try to justify their actions, but the black characters? They're like "Yes, I did that shit and I would do it again."

That's sick, but also.....sick.🔥🔥

#Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms #svssss #svsss meta #luo binghe #shen jiu #I used to think Shen Jiu was the kind of guy i could never like #because what kind of guy bullies a child for no reason? #turns out there was a reason #and it's called #and in PIDW Luo Bingge inherited ALL his unhealthy coping mechanisms 💀 #Shen Jiu created a more powerful destructive version of himself #his own accidental child #Shen Jiu is also his own poor pathetic self #my heart bleeds for his situation #i wish so badly that he got to have a happy ending #there was no reason he shouldn't have but it wasnt his story 😭😭 #it's so unfair!

[anna-hawk]

Happy Birthday, Chelsea!

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader Fandom: Daredevil Rating: T (just birthday fluff)

For @chelseasdagger 🧡

My sweet Chelsea, I'm dedicating my very first Matt x Reader ficlet to you. Thank you for your kindness, gentleness and huge heart. Getting to know you has been simply incredible. I know that you sometimes have a hard time with your emotions, but they're the ones that make you as special as you are. Your empathy and sweet nature are beautiful to watch, and I'm forever touched by your thoughtfulness.

You shine brighter than any fireworks on the 4th of July!

🎂 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART 🥳

“Hey, you're okay?”

You jumped a bit at the sound of your best friend's voice coming from just next to you.

“What? Yeah, sure, of course,” you grinned at her, although by the slightly dubious look she gave you, you didn't manage to fool her entirely. “Just… Y'know… long day.”

Your friend nodded with an understanding sigh. Being born on July 4th was always sure to make your birthday celebrations more… complicated to organize. Not like you minded, really. As long as you had your closest friends and, or family around, you didn't care when exactly you celebrated. The party your friend had thrown for you was amazing, too, but something was missing. Well… Someone was missing.

Taking the glass your friend was handing you, you smiled gratefully and stared over the railing of the rooftop terrace the party was taking place on. She'd gone all out to make the night special for you by selecting this place, the decorations, and food. The view was incredible as you would be able to easily see the fireworks when they'd be starting in a few minutes, but right now, you just took in the twinkling lights of the city below you as you drank.

“There we go,” another of your friends suddenly called out as he pointed to the sky where the first firework exploded into beautiful sparks of color.

The rest of the small party assembled at the railing to watch the show, and you soon found yourself smiling and laughing with everyone as they pointed out this or that detail.

Several minutes in, something caught your attention in your peripherals. Your head turned to the source, but there was nothing there. Frowning, you shook your head and returned your attention to the fireworks.

Once it was over, you all slowly began returning to the bar and food tables, chatting and laughing. You looked back to the railing briefly, but then joined your friends for some well-deserved birthday cake, making a show of blowing out the candles.

A good two hours later, most people had started to head home, giving you a last hug and birthday wishes, leaving only your best friend by the end.

“I'll just hit the restroom before I get the keys, so we can close up and go home,” she announced, while you were packing your presents into different bags.

“'kay.” You nodded and walked to the railing, remembering that you'd left a present on one of the tables there.

You jumped about a foot in the air and yelped in surprise when a dark figure suddenly landed right next to you from the small overhang of the rooftop.

“Sorry,” a low voice said sheepishly, making you utter a loud breath of relief when you recognized the form and voice.

“Oh my Gosh, Matt!”

Your heart began racing for entirely different reasons as soon as you saw Matt's soft smile while he uncovered the top of his face that had been hidden behind a dark scarf. Your face moved into a happy smile at the sight of his brown eyes and apologetic expression.

“Wish I could've been here sooner, but-”

“It's fine, Matt. You know it is. What you do is more important than a stupid birthday party.”

Matt's mouth twisted unhappily before he sighed exasperatedly. He cupped your face and put his forehead to yours, making your bodies align properly and letting you get a whiff of him. Your whole body went lax at his touch and scent, your eyes falling closed as your arms loosely circled his waist.

“You're important to me,” he whispered fiercely, making your smile wobbly with emotions and unable to speak.

It didn't matter, since Matt tilted your head until his lips pressed over yours for a long kiss.

“Happy birthday, Love.”

#matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #daredevil fanfiction #matt murdock fluff #reader insert #birthday fic #4th of july #love you girl 🧡

[bicayaya]

happy 2024, lovelies ✨

prepare for a sappy message, you have 3 seconds…

…3…

…2…

…1…

first of all, i want to wish you a happy new year. may 2024 be a great year, full of happy memories and love. i hope this year will be kinder to you and that you’re always taking care and surrounded by people who appreciate you (me included, because if you’re reading this: i love you).

this fandom is the first one i had the courage to join. i have a hard time sharing my creations and my opinions since forever, so being able to do it here is a big deal to me. and seeing so many people welcoming me so warmly and supporting what i do makes me beyond happy. i’m really grateful to every one of you and for past ana, for being brave and deciding to give it a shot.

i haven’t been here that long (posting, that is, because this account exists since 2019, hahaha), but i already feel like a part of this lovely community. i’m not the most sociable person, i’m really anxious (i was literally trembling while sending the christmas messages to my moots) and i still feel too shy to message and interact with people most of the time, but i feel like i made real friends here. i won’t tag anyone in this post, but i’m really grateful for everyone that interacted with me in any way. i hope we can interact even more this new year

thank you for supporting me and my silly drawings, i love y’all 💞

(i would’ve posted something sooner, but i wasn’t sober enough to write in english and i overslept lol)

(and did you like my fireworks?)

#🐰: bicaya talks

[writingmochi]

ｌｏａｄｉｎｇ ｉｎｔｅｒｆａｃｅ．．．

you have reached year 2

lissie: greetings, visitor! this is your flight director speaking~ welcome to the two-year anniversary of this blog (freaking awesome if you ask me). thank you so much for reading, indulging, and/or interacting with this blog, me, or my works. the sentence before cannot describe the gratitude i'm expressing towards all of you. this is a yearly recap for me and maybe for new visitors who come to know what has happened on this blog for the year.

before we get to it, i'm doing a survey to get to know my audience better (and more research). if you have spare time, do fill in the survey so that i get to know more about the visitors, the works, and the audience on tumblr in general! (average time is around 3 minutes~)

survey link! (survey closed)

leggo!

all research done (read: works written and released)

troubled pixies | txt's taehyun (2 parts; 52k [novel])

smirch episode 2: jay | enhypen's jay (27.4k [novella])

isobel | txt's soobin (43.3k [novel])

pizzeria run | enhypen's sunoo (17.9k [novella])

total: 4 works (1 two-shots, 3 oneshots) and 140.6k words written

all the navigators connected (read: mutuals i got within the year. check last year's recap if you didn't find yours!)

@it-rains-blue (via @itz-yerin)

yerin! the other biggest bamtori i know here! gosh i hope you're doing well irl and online... hope for the best for your confession cafe >> check it out folks @the-love-cafe

@heart2beom

hey jazmine! i notice you haven't posted in a while now. so i'm hoping your doing okay, okay?

@tyunlatte / @wave2tyun

alex! if you are lurking, i hope you're doing so good irl! live your life for the best (edit: alex's back!)

@lovejoshua

1/6 angels: ilem istg! hi! you've been like one of the constant presence when i check the discord server. hope you treat yourself well!

@junniieesbby

2/6 angels: whenever i see a heart, it always reminds me of you, angie. i think you're busy currently, so the best i can say is that hope you have a good rest cause you need it and always hydrate ;)

@hanniejie

3/6 angels: hey lex! i just saw the band au teaser on your blog and i wanna punch myself for not noticing that sooner! /j hope you have a great time writing that one :D

@txt-yaomi

4/6 angels: sof!! i gotta have to consult you more for street spirit cause just the way you work with the album for angel is just *chef's kiss*

@talesofyuan

yuan~~ ngl i can't wait to read your kei lovesick series (tho i'm hoping to staying loyal to yixiang) can't wait to see more of your &team fics. check the blog out for &team content, folks!

@choistick

5/6 angels: saph !! thanks for the tag and hope your hiatus is treating you well~

@robin-obsessed

6/6 angels: lee~ i've just seen that you also like riize like akfjbaieufiw okayyyy i hope you have a good day/night whenever and wherever you are!

@dido-of-the-endless

hi nida! tbh you have so many side blogs i'm confused in which one you post your writing (so i'm tagging your main account). feel free to consult me if you have any wips you wanna let out lmao >.< n thanks for joining the txt hub server, i won't know you if not from there...

@pyeonghongrie (via @pyeonghongrie-main)

rie! thank you so much for letting me in the cult (mueheheheh) and hope we can interact more here or on the server

@aduh0308

welcome to the roster, ada! thanks for letting me join the soobin collab and nice to see you!

director's journal entries (read: all the rants i have thought out the past year. some are genuine, some are sarcastic):

wow… i freaking broke tumblr huh

i shouldn't have been too ambitous fook me

bruh my body's crumbling…

i swear i hate college for not allowing me to write

i broke tumblr twice w/ a txt fic alsnskdams

tumblr can’t handle things :(

is my mind running too fast or is it just harder for people to understand me? annoying much…

i’m literally a step away from going out of the kpop fandom. this kind of fan behavior is sickening

^ and the fact is: i’ll probably survive

kinda wish someone could appreciate my writing just like i do for other people here

is there something wrong with how i write asks? i should have put more tone indicators…

the desire for me to revert back to web 1.0 is crazy. like, me owning a blog? ughh yes pls!

i’m getting freaking frustrated!!!

AGGHHHGHHHHHHHH

… will i ever … :")

*queue yoda's voice* you pushing back more wips i see

how the fuck have i made fewer works yet the wc is 20k away from last year's result? (166k for 12 compared to 140k for 5 works)

^ it's quality over quantity now darling

^^ and the fact that the year 3 count will get higher because of the fics you've delayed

notable moments from the past year

established @a-dream-bookmark, a rec blog + kpop writer & reader network

reaching 200!

started writing for ateez!

joining @kflixnet, @k-labels, and @cultofdionysusnet networks

what’s next?

lissie: if you haven't seen it, i'm starting a new big-scale series called terra incognita for enhypen's jake, do check it out if you like cyberpunk, or dystopian fics! also, i an doing the wips that i promised will be released this year (will prioritize evaluation and subterranean homesick alien first)

lissie: once again, thank you so much for following me on this journey! cheers~

#the voyage: year 2 #milestone of the moon #announcement from the moon

[professoruber]

(a kinda late) Happy New Years All! | ProfessorUber’s Year of the Bat(-Family) | Aka time to actually read these comics!

My semi-belated New Years Resolution is to read through a bunch of classic (and modern) runs on various Bat-Family members to get semi up to date on the who mythos.

Am I getting into it a bit late? Perhaps. To be fair; the pandemic + university has left me with little time/energy over these past few years. But lately I’ve been getting into Batman comics and I wanted to continue to that.

I’ve seen a few reading guides but will mostly just go at my own pace/order and just enjoy the ride I think. Current focus though I think is Tim Drake’s Robin (1993-2009) to see more of early Tim and Steph and afterwards probably Cass’ Batgirl run. Also going to be looking into Oracle stuff as well.

There’s a lot of comics out there and maybe this is a tad daunting; but I’ve also been enjoying these characters and the fandom surrounding them. Wayne Family Adventure really helped me get into this weird found family of vigilantes, so maybe now it’s time to learn their roots.

So I think it’s worth the time, even if I kind of wish I did this sooner (but again; there’s been a pandemic going on so been distracted).

So I am joining the Bat-Family Fandom! Probably! Hopefully! Got lots of comics to read first though…

Wish me luck!

(Although honestly my main New Year’s resolution is probably to write more. But reading Batman comics is a close second,)

Happy 2024! Hope it goes well for all of you! I hope you all stay safe and healthy.

(Just hope I’m not too late to the Bat party to join in on the fun!)

#new years resolution #happy new year #robin 1993 #tim drake #Stephanie brown #timothy drake #robin #batman #batgirl #cassandra cain #batfamily #Batman #bat-family #wayne family adventures #Barbara gordon #oracle #Wish me luck please! #Got plenty of comics ahead me #But like I said #i think it’s worth it #And it should be enjoyable #Just had a bit going on but I want spend 2024 experiencing more stuff and participating in more things #I’m still young and got lots of time ahead #So time to use it instead of wallowing in anxieties #I guess that’s what I want out of 2024 #Enjoyment and looking to the future #Stop worrying about what “I should have done” and just do it #Take care all!

[cassidysparacosm]

(SERIOUS) TW: Stalking, Abuse

My blog is being stalked.

I wish i didn’t have to make this post. The way it should’ve gone, everything should have been moved on now with those who needed to be blocked, blocked. But due to the fact i’m now once a week being reminded of how i’m being stalked, i can’t ignore this situation any longer.

TLDR: @/Disableddeinosaur aka Beanie starting drama within 2 servers and threatening to harass users if they disagreed with their opinions. 1 year after banning them they continue to remind me that they’re stalking me.

Further explained context below.

Context: In late 2021 i joined an amphibia discord server. The people there were nice, and i enjoyed being there. The moderator, Beanie, known as Mossy at the time, was also part of this group. They seemed suprised when i mentioned i was born the year pokemon diamond and pearl came out, but i didn’t think much of it at the time.

It is important to know that Beanie often hid behind a mask of promoting good ideals such as exposing racism and ableism in fandom circles.

I was also in another discord server with many of my now tumblr mutuals, the syrup arc server. This was a roleplay server where we’d make tupperbots for amphibia characters from AUs we’d made and have fun with them. Back to beanie’s server, a channel had been made where we talked about amphibia blogs on tumblr that had… well, questionable art. This ranged from full on implied NSFW to just aus that beanie didn’t like, such as the Moth mAnne au by Missakat. They claimed giving Anne Boonchuy and Marcy Wu from the amphibia series blue and green eyes respectively was racist, and blacklisted artists who did. I internally disagreed with this, but never expressed it. Why? Because Beanie was older than me. I’m not exactly sure how old specifically, but they had a job that looked like it required some experience and their suprise at my age indicated that they were an adult at least. I disgreed with them wanting to call out creators for the wrong eye colors, but i agreed that creators who are actively racist or ableist definitely deserve to be exposed.

Exposing creators we didn’t like was encouraged in Beanie’s server, so here we come to the first event. I found an amphibia artist who drew what is basically vore, but would deny if asked and refuse to tag for people who were uncomfortable. Beanie expressed to me that they already knew of this person, as they’d had a negative interaction in the past so both were aware of each other. I was encouraged to join the nsfw artist’s server, to act as a spy and screenshot and report back any uncomfortable behaviour they made. It’s worth noting i did make the choice to join myself, but why Beanie didn’t try send an alternate account or a different actual adult from their server is unknown.

I soon left that server after getting the screenshots they wanted. And even sooner after, the toll of the almost ever-present negative atmosphere of beanie’s server was too much and my parents intervened and got me to leave.

While most of the time when a friend of yours move on from a server the right thing to do is to respect their wishes and leave them alone, this is not what beanie did, and still refuses to do a year later. Instead they followed me to 2 different amphibia servers, one where they made a tupperbot of themself and guilt-tripped themself publicly “Muffin (the name i went under at the time) only left because you’re a terrible person! You’re a horrible awful person” etc to themself.

Friends of mine on tumblr (that i’ll refer to as ST and SL incase they don’t want to get involved) tried to comfort them, as they were new to the situation and Beanie and just wanted peace on the server.

Meanwhile on the syrup arc server, Beanie had began to regularly make a point to get into dificult situations with 4/5 of the server mods (the fifth being me, who never disagreed with them so i stayed on their good side though mostly because i was afraid of what they might do if i spoke out). They would make rude and unneeded comments towards others opinions such as their favourite pokemon or their art style, and when confronted would make a gigantic deal out of it or privately message me and essentially tell on them to me.

I admit, for at least 4 months i did nothing. The mod chat was chaos because everyone else was saying the things beanie had done, and the fact i could’ve made the final decision and didn’t was driving a wedge between our friendship. Individually the mods tried to speak kindly to beanie, help them understand why people were becoming wary of them or just not talking to them. The most prominent time being when my friend i’ll refer to as S started a conversation in an attempt to explain to them kindly, but Beanie refused to listen to any of their messages, calling them a slut, and repeatedly implied that S was ableist for disagreeing that their behaviour was an issue. The mod of the server, C, who has expressed before that he himself is neurodivergent, eventually stepped in and tried to explain to Beanie again but their imput went completely ignored despite the conversation stopping.

This behaviour in both servers continued to be an issue for at least another month or two, and both servers had gone from active with at least 20 people in each to basically dead beyond Beanie and only like 4 people online at a time.

Finally one day i was sitting down with a close family member of mine who works in security, and he advised me to block Beanie. I was very tired at the time but i do remember what i did.

I went to the mod chat, told the other mods i was sorry for ignoring their concerns for so long, and banned beanie myself. I also advised the second server’s creator aswell who agreed with my choice once I’d explained the context and banned them too.

You’d think that’d have been the end of it, but it wasn’t. For a solid week afterwards it was a constant back and forth with Beanie and some of the server members who’d personally experienced their behaviour. Except for the fact Beanie would entirely ignore whatever the other person was saying and then call them racist of ableist (which, none of us never even knew their race because they never said it??)

Eventually the two servers decided it would help best for us to let it go, and so we stopped talking to them. I blocked them, and as far as i’m aware of all of the others did too. Once again, you’d think this would be the end of it but unfortunately it is not.

It took 2 months for me to feel safe online after that. And then i got a ask in my ask box in this blog. I don’t exactly remember the wording, but i sent it to a groupchat so i could probably find it if i need to compile a evidence document against them. Essentially it was mocking my pinned post, saying it was ironic of me to say no bullying when i ‘bullied’ them.

After that there was nothing, and i actually began to go to a therapist for reasons i’d like to remain private relating to my paranoia. I admit it was partly my fault for not moving to action quicker, though. I shouldve blocked them long, long before that day and i am so, so sorry to the members of the syrup arc server aswell as the animation server for not acting sooner.

Thankfully they’ve left them alone it seems, but last week i recieved a notification, a personal reminder from Beanie that they were not over their ‘mistreatment’. Despite being blocked on my main account, they somehow have managed to bypass that ability for this blog (this is my sideblog) and now are reminding me once a week through a notification that they’re still here.

That they’re still a stalking, self-righteous bully who has nothing better to do than entrust their mental health to a group of 14-19 year olds on the internet and then say they’re horrible people for not being able to handle them anymore. Even if you weren’t part of either of the servers, please, block them. This situation should’ve been done and over a year ago, and blocking and reporting them seems to be the only way to get them to at least quit harassing us.

This is a completely serious post, and i am begging anyone who reads this. Please. Block them. Do not interact with them, just block them.

I have sent them a ask condeming their choice to continue this fight, which i have no doubt they’ll respond to and ignore everything i said.

Ask i sent below: [

]

Mentioning my mutuals for more engagement

@skythealmighty @sluggintub @aces-archon-quest @velvelic @luc1d-dr34m5 @calebthepianist @strawberry-seal77 @breadthefurry @technicolor-abstraction @rainblescake

#serious post #tw stalking #tw verbal abuse #Amphibia #cass speaks #Object shows #Reblog to spread around please.

[engazed]

Dear engazed,

I am not entirely sure what I am doing here in your asks, but I will try to explain.

I joined the Sherlock fandom quite late, I'd say about 2,5 years ago. And of course rather sooner than later I discovered fanfiction. I love whumpy/ angsty stories and quickly stumbled upon your Fallen Series, which I devoured. It's a fantastic series, dark, yes- and I instantly fell in love with it. But this is not about The Fallen series.

I finally found the time to start reading The Grating Roar. I had it bookmarked for quite a while already and it was recommended several times. I am always a bit shy to start reading longer stories. I always need a bit of time to get into longer stories (which is never the fault of the author, but my reading habits are just a bit weird, I don't know. 🥲)

But let me tell you this: NEVER have I been pulled into a story faster than into The Grating Roar. NEVER before have I admired the world building as much as I did with The Grating Roar. NEVER before have I suffered with a character like I did with poor John in The Grating Roar. And NEVER before have I loved Sherlock more than I did in The Grating Roar. I guess you can see a pattern here? 😄

I've read a lot of fanfic the past 2,5 years. I've read some absolutely amazing stories which will stay with me for a very long time and which I love endlessly. But I have a feeling that The Grating Roar will hold a very special place in my heart until... forever.

I am around 60% in and I just broke down sobbing into my pillow after reading this:

😭😭 I am so happy for him and at the same so sad and angry about the injustice in their world.

What I am trying to say is: thank you so much for writing this wonderful(ly dark) story and for creating this extraordinary (cruel) world. I am already dreading the moment when I will run out of more chapters to read. Also, sorry for putting this long message into your inbox, but I just needed a moment to collect myself after reading the lines above. 😬 And I needed to tell you how much this story touches me.

I guess I can handle another chapter before I have to sleep, but I went to bed extra early so I could squeeze in a bit more reading time.

Thank you again!

This comment means so much to me, you don't even know. I can't remember what inspired me, originally, to write The Grating Roar, and I wish I could, because it holds a really special place in my heart as well. I remember drafting the first couple of chapters, and I just couldn't stop. The story was aching to be told, and I almost couldn't keep up with how quickly it was coming to me. Of course, I slowed down some seven or ten chapters in and had to be more thoughtful in plotting and world building. But it was like a world already formed; I was an excavator more than a creator.

And to hear that you are enjoying the story, that you're moved by the characters, that you feel for John ... it truly warms my soul. I hope you enjoy the latter half. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

#the grating roar

[philipjohnclapp]

dudeee could you write headcanons on a female cky member who’s dating knox? it’s literally my dream but i’m terrible at writing my own stuff 🥹

( it would also be sick if you write about how her relationship is with everyone — especially vito cause he’s fucking hilarious — cause i imagine her being on cky and jackass *the tv show and movies* )

CKY member dating Knoxville Headcanons

A/N: I have zero idea what I’m doing, but I decided to include my favorite of the cky guys. Circulated towards more CKY as a whole and not Jackass simply because I didn’t wanna portray what is overdone already with Y/N. I hope you are satisfied, and once again my inbox is open. I love doing headcanons! Remember I’ll write anything for any fandom. I’m willing to do another part with more CKY, or turn this into a fic, also, I could do another part with the Jackass guys. Been working on this for a while, my bad for taking so long.

CKY Band Headcanons:

- Knoxville is jealous, I mean since he saw you in CKY. He gets jealous because of how close the guys are to you, and overall because of how much time they spend with you.

- Going along with the jealous thing whenever any of the guys are touching you in any way he gets all snappy and jealous.

- He makes it obvious too, and the guys have definitely gotten their asses handed to them a few times.

- Most of the time you intervene before it can happen.

- For the life of you, you can’t get Knoxville to like Jess. He doesn’t hate the guy, but even when things are just normal he’s still pissy.

- Knoxville definitely wishes you two met sooner, and he rambles on about it even if it wasn’t physically possible for you to meet sooner.

- He often jokes about making his own band just with you in it so he could have you all to himself.

- Definitely finds you being in a band sexually appealing.

- He’s absolutely amazed whenever you’re playing an instrument or singing.

- Sometimes he likes to join in even though he can’t sing or play for the life of him. At least he thinks he can’t sing, when he tries it sorta has a southern drawl to it and it just drives you wild as well.

- His accent is definitely more heavy when you’re around, and he’ll exaggerate it just because he knows how much you like it.

- When around the guys he always is touching you in some shape or form.

- He’s like a helicopter mom.

- Will try to go to every one of your concerts and definitely owns at least three of every merch item.

- Can't fight, but WILL fight fans who are creepy to you.

- Whenever you’re touring with the guys and he can’t go with you, bet your ass your phones are ringing non stop off the hook, and if you don’t answer? Well, he’ll harass the guys.

- He’s definitely gotten blocked by some of them.

- Definitely tried to make a shitty song for you once for Valentine’s Day; it was horrible, but you loved it.

- He definitely burns CDs with different songs for you.

- Try to listen to heavy rock and such to fit in with your music taste, and in return you listen to some of his country shit.

- Most of the time y’all just bounce back to The Ramones and such.

- You two listen to a whole bunch of parody music together, like an ungodly amount.

CKY Movie Headcanons:

- Before you two met you were already in CKY, so you bet when you two started dating he rewatched the first few movies practically a million times.

- With the newer ones he always follows you around set, he’s definitely like your runner boy.

- When the guys go too far you bet your ass there’s clips of him going to the extreme.

- Definitely gets super jealous, especially because of how hansy the guys can be with you.

- If you and the guys are going drinking you bet your ass he’s tagging along, because of his jealousy and the fact he always wants to be around you.

- It’s also because he may or may not trust most of the guys you hang around, but he does trust Bam's parents.

- Always I mean ALWAYS french kisses you, and just overall gets heated with you around the guys.

- Has no shame, even one time he made a joke that they could watch.

- One night when things got specifically really heated, Bam tried to redeem that card. It did not go well, he got punched in the jaw.

Relationship with other CKY members:

Bam Margera:

- You two are tight, no surprise there cause you are.

- He hates that you’re with Johnny and when he’s not around he always asks you why you’re with him.

- He definitely secretly likes you.

- Even though he doesn’t like Johnny, you two are still close because all in all you were close with Bam before you ever were close with Johnny.

- Bam definitely brings that fact up when he’s talking to Johnny, Johnny absolutely hates it.

- He says he wishes he met you sooner [even though he grew up in shit fuck Tennessee.]

- You definitely were the one to teach Bam how to do his eyeliner, made him fall in love with it too.

-You did eyeliner for the first time on him as a joke, he was supposed to hate it, but he did not. Surprise!

Jess Margera:

- Your boyfriend likes him a whole lot more, and Jess doesn’t overstep boundaries.

- You love him to bits.

- You two platonically cuddle all the time, and it gets Bam so jealous.

- By now Johnny figured out that he really couldn’t do a thing about it, he’s over it.

- Sometimes if you two end up cuddling Johnny will just straight up join.

- Yor some reason he always calls the middle, it’s weird.

- Jess introduced you to most of your favorite singers (somehow)

- You two definitely have similar music tastes.

Ryan Dunn:

- Definitely drink together.

- He’s like a brother to you, like cmon.

- Definitely protective over you, but in a sibling type of way.

- He’s like your ride or die.

- Twin flame for real.

- You definitely bash him for his music taste.

- He bashed you for your taste in men.

- So far (he believes) Knoxville is the best guy you’ve dated.

- You’ve dated a lot of shit bags.

- Definitely pranks the shit outta you.

- Steal your cigarettes, like you never have any.

- You two do a lot of stunts together, Jackass and CKY.

- Still, you won’t share a room with him. He reeks.

Vito:

- He’s like an uncle to you, or a second father in his own weird way.

- You definitely do a whole lot of pranking to him when with Bam.

- Though, you of course do a whole lot on your own too.

- He can’t ever hold a grudge against you.

- Though he has tried (and failed) running after you one time, while Bam jumped on him from behind.

- It was funny.

- Still, you two have a good bond.

- Definitely watch different television shows together.

- Gets along with Knoxville.

Chris Raab:

- Let’s be honest, he is like an annoying little brother to you.

- Though, sometimes you call him Sid jokingly because he looks like the Sid from Toy Story.

- He got tired of it, it was funny at first though.

- Definitely do odd things together. Always up to the most weird things.

- You probably wear his clothes, sometimes.

- Definitely like to sit and listen to music together though.

- Even though Chris Raab probably falls asleep halfway through it.

#jackass #ao3 writer #jackass fanfiction #johnny knoxville #jackass headcanons #drabble #please request #female #fem reader #request #cky crew #cky #cky headcanons #don vito #Chris raab #ryan dunn #bam margera x reader #bam margera #jess margera #cky3 #jackass fans #mtv #jackass fanfic #jackass forever #jackass the movie

[mandosaur]

Loth Rat (Thrawn / Reader / Kallus)

Fandom: Star Wars Rebels

Pairing: Thrawn / Reader / Kallus

Summary: “Your life has changed again. The floor has fallen from under you. You are a traitor. An imperial collaborator in a planet recently freed from imperial control. The very people you were allied against now hold your life in their hands. The people of Lothal may call you a Loth cat, but you’d sooner call yourself a Loth rat.”

After having spent the last few years as a political prisoner, you are finally given a choice as to what will happen to you now that Lothal is freed.

Warnings: Dead dove; do not eat. Implied / referenced SA, Implied / referenced domestic violence, implied / referenced torture, implied / referenced imprisonment. There is nothing explicit in this work or graphic, it has all happened in the past, but be mindful.

Word Count: 7,277 Words

Estimated Reading Time: 26:28

Part one of the Loth Rat, Loth Cat, Loth Wolf series.

“Please let me in,” the plea leaves Hera’s lips quietly as she stands on your doorstep, “I need to speak to you.”

A huff leaves your lips despite yourself and you have an urge to slam the door on her face. Seeing her nose break would certainly make things better. Being able to give her just a shred of the pain she caused you would go a long way to healing the terrible injuries she and the others have inflicted on you.

However, you decide not to risk it. Hera is a rebellion general and the rebellion has won. Lothal has changed hands and the fate of you and your child are at stake. You can’t afford to anger those who wield the power.

“What are you doing here? Have you come to arrest me?” You cross your arms protectively in front of yourself and offer her your best glare. The way she looks away breaking eye contact is some solace. A small reassurance that you have some power still when the last two years have made you feel so weak.

Hera crosses inside your home and looks around. Her steps are hesitant and her eyes scan the area from place to place. You can see her cataloguing everything mentally. Running a tally of what she sees and archiving it all to memory.

You are sure a part of her is resentful at the splendor of your home. Your house is the biggest on Lothal. A wedding gift from your husband. Art from around the entire galaxy adorns the walls and a large imperial banner hangs at the entrance. It’s a far cry from the tiny little apartment you had in Alderaan when Hera met you for the first time.

“I didn’t come here to arrest you,” Hera softly calls your name, “I would never. You aren’t one of them.”

Them. An imperial.

You grit your teeth at the way she looks at you. There is pity in her eyes and a deep sinking regret. She feels bad for you. You have-had the world at your feet, yet she’s the one who feels pity.

A quiet rage forms and you scoff.

“But I am, General Syndulla,” you wave to the splendor and riches around you, “I switched sides. Don’t you remember?”

You wish you could see yourself from her eyes. Idly, you wonder what she sees when she compares who you were back then to who you are now.

When you first met Hera 4 years ago, you were a young girl from Alderaan. Your parents were friends with the Organas and you had been raised a noble. The life of nobility was stifling and your only escape came from art. Eventually Hera’s travels led her to your home planet and the two of you had struck a friendship. When she had offered to take you with her, you had agreed and joined her crew.

Eventually, when Hera had allied herself with the rebellion, you had too. Alderaan had never been too involved with the rebels openly and held some freedom in the empire-as much freedom as a tyrannical government could offer anyway, so the cause wasn’t something you had been dying to join when you signed up for her crew. Yet the suffering of the galaxy was something you wanted to change. You joined the rebellion anyway because it was the right thing to do.

You had joined her and the Ghost crew and had been a rebel. You weren’t a fighter like Zeb or Sabine, a Jedi like Kanan, or a pilot like Hera, but you had experience with politics and could negotiate. When the crew bartered for supplies or needed to make a deal, you were there to step in.

You had been a rebel back then. Had believed in the cause once upon a time. When a young Ezra Bridger had joined the crew a month or two before you were captured, it was you who had made him feel like he could make a difference. The young, compassionate girl from back then would not recognize you now.

You had changed a lot in 2 years. You were now dressed in imperial finery. The dress you wore was especially commissioned and was in a striking shade of red. The jewels at your neck were from imperial conquests and denoted your status. Everything about you was imperial.

You were no longer that little rebel from Alderaan. That girl had died during the several rounds of torture you had endured after the people you had once called friends had gotten you captured. In her place now stood an imperial collaborator, a mother, and a wife.

You wonder if Hera recognizes you now. If she could remember the girl you had once been. What did she see before her now? A friend? A regret? A traitor?

Her eyes lower to the ground and she says your name again. This time, her voice is soft.

“You aren’t one of them. I know you. I know what happened-“

“Shut up,” you hiss out. Her words have struck a deep ache in you. You don’t want her to try and apologize. Not now. Not ever.

You spin away from her and rub at your neck. Somewhere beneath all the jewels in your necklace is a thin ring of charred flesh from where the metal bars had held you steady as the empire tortured you. The one request you had always made to your husband when he bought you a gift was that he please buy you something that would cover up the memory. You always told yourself that if you couldn’t see the scar, it was like everything never happened. Yet now it burns and aches beneath the glittering gems. An ugly thing in the gilded life you have now.

Hera’s words are infuriating. They strike a spot that has never truly healed. A betrayal and an abandonment that runs so deep that you could faint if you spend too long dwelling on.

Your finger points at her face, “Don’t tell me you know what happened. No one knows.”

It’s the truth.

Everyone on Lothal has heard the story of what happened to you. You’re the conquest of the Admiral. The rebel captured and turned into the spoils of war. You’re a story mothers tell their daughters as a warning. There are even rumors of parents scarring their children to keep their beauty from leading them to your fate. You wish your mother had done that to you too. Maybe then you would have avoided this happening.

“I am-“

Hera cuts herself off. No doubt she is remembering all the terrible rumors she’s heard. Lothal has plenty.

“We tried to rescue you. I tried. I broke protocol to try and get you back, but it was impossible. They had you secured in a facility. By the time we had finally made a plan to move in, you had been moved because-“

You squeeze your eyes shut. Her words are painful reminders of those first few months in captivity.

You had been captured about 2 years ago. What should have been a routine supply drop had turned disastrous. You, Sabine, and Ezra had been left unable to flee as soldiers surrounded you. There had been no other option but for you to sacrifice yourself for them.

They were just kids. You had a few years on them. You thought you could endure a few rounds of torture and that your crew would eventually return for you and save you. You had been wrong.

What had followed for months was severe. Governor Pryce had overseen your torture herself. She had used every tool at her disposal to get you to crack. While she had succeeded in breaking you, she had failed in obtaining information. You had nothing to offer her in terms of plans or rebel troop information. In the end, she had labeled you a lost cause and suggested you be executed. Your death, she claimed, could be a deterrent to any other rebel faction on Lothal.

But you hadn’t died. Someone else had advocated in your behalf. Someone had decided you were worth sparing.

Another shiver runs down your spine.

At your silence, Hera continues.

“I know what he did,” her hand is gentle when she touches your shoulder, “We all know.”

You flinch away from her touch and bite your cheek. It is a nervous habit. The skin there is already raw from your time spent in the bunker awaiting news as to what was happening on the planet. It bleeds freely when you bite down again.

Hera thinks she knows what you went through, but she has no idea. No one does. After Pryce had been done with you, you had been broken. A month of repeated torture had left you destroyed. When she had told you about your execution, a part of you had been so relieved. Death would mean everything stopped and you could rest.

But then someone else had stepped in.

When you had been in Alderaan, you had studied arts and culture. Your parents had wanted you to be a good noble lady. They had spent money to have you learn everything they could about painting, music, dancing, and politics.

Those aspects of yourself had captured someone’s attention.

When you had been brought before the empire to be executed, Grand Admiral Thrawn himself had interceded. He had suggested that your background would prove useful in his studies of Lothal and Ryloth. Ever the art enthusiast, he had asked for you to be gifted to him.

Gifted.

Gifted.

Like you were a prize to be won or a thing to be given away.

He had gotten his way, of course. Pryce had handed you over to him. From then on, your true captivity had started.

Under Thrawn, you were made an imperial collaborator. He kept you at his side when he traveled and sought your council when he needed information. Broken and vulnerable as you were from the torture and imprisonment, his offer seemed like a small relief.

He didn’t lock you up in a tiny cell or beat you bloody. He didn’t starve you or drug you with a truth serum. Instead, he treated you like one of his crew. You weren’t trustworthy, had a guard nearby to keep you from fleeing, but he was civil. Polite. It was a change from Pryce and the other imperials.

You used your education to help him. Your background aided him in understanding the planet he was in. Over time, the two of you had grown rather close.

Having lost your crew and been left alone for so long in a tiny cell, his attention was a lifeline. He offered you the opportunity to feel like you had a purpose again-

Even if it came at a price.

Bile gathers in your throat but you push it down. A cruel laugh snakes its way past your lips. You shove her hand aside and perch yourself on the sofa. Your movements are refined, graceful, just the way he liked them.

“And what did he do to me? Hm?”

You want her to say it. Want to hear it from her mouth. You don’t think you can be the one to do it. If you say it, the words will get lodged in your throat.

Hera winces.

“I am so sorry,” she whispers. It’s all she can offer after a long silence. You look away.

Thrawn’s salvation came at a price. The Chiss soldier wasn’t altruistic. He sought the value of every person he met and didn’t like to waste his time. It wasn’t pity or selflessness that had made him speak on your behalf back then.

No. Not at all.

You had always been told you were beautiful. Your mother and father had often remarked that you could put a Twi’lek to shame with your beauty. It was something that had once made you blush and preen. Yet that feature had become a cage.

You supposed it made sense. Thrawn was an alien. He was not respected in imperial spaces. The empire freely took his successes but looked its nose down at him. For every compliment he received over his strategy, there were two more slurs thrown his way behind his back.

It made sense that a man like him would look for a status symbol. He would need something to show off. A way to elevate himself and attain more respect.

And who better than the beautiful noble turned rebel from Alderaan? A human girl he could use for his advancement. His marriage to a human would legitimize his status among human soldiers. It would make him seem like he truly belonged.

You were the perfect candidate. You were educated in the arts which so fascinated him and were versed in politics which puzzled him. You were also high born and could have made a good match for himself back on Csilla had you been a member of the Ascendancy. Plus, you were young and beautiful. A little doll he could dress in finery and show off to when needed.

You ticked every box and fit all his needs. When he had saved you all those years ago, his help had come at a price.

And you had paid it.

Maker, you had paid it.

Recently freed, you had given up on the Rebellion. Your friends had left you for dead in the empire’s clutches, so what loyalty did you owe them? You had shed away your guilt and joined Thrawn willingly.

At first he had frightened you. Those glowing red eyes found their way into your nightmares. You dreaded the day he decided you were useless and discarded you. You did everything you could to help his efforts with the empire.

Eventually you had liked it. Some time with him had been a relief. He was not violent or cruel. He didn’t laugh like Pryce when you were hurt or taunt you about what had happened to you.

No, he was amicable. You quickly learned that he would be polite if you were respectful. That he would treat you right if you obeyed and that he saw you as an equal when you worked together.

When a soldier had insulted you under his breath, Thrawn had defended you. When you had cut yourself on a relic and hissed in pain, he had gently taken your hand to examine the wound. When you had woken up screaming from a nightmare of a droid shocking you over and over again, he had stayed up speaking with you gently over a cup of tea.

His treatment compared to the empire’s had soothed the trauma of your earlier captivity. Eventually, you had willingly accepted your place at his side. You knew you were his prisoner, that he would kill you if you tried to escape, but you didn’t mind it. As long as you were obedient, he was kind and respectful. So you became obedient.

And when the time came that he began to pursue you, you offered yourself willingly. When he invited you to his personal quarters one night with a pretext for tea, you went with him knowing what he truly had in mind. It was the price you had to pay for his kindness.

Your hands shake in your lap and you press them against your legs. Hera notices, of course. Her voice turns gentle, soothing.

“I know what he did. It wasn’t your fault,” she whispers, “None of it.”

“No,” you agree slowly, “It was yours.”

It was her fault. Had she rescued you then, she could have spared you everything.

You take a little delight in her flinch and the guilt that clouds her features. It’s a small comfort against all of the pain she put you through.

With time, you had given yourself completely to Thrawn. Eventually, the rumors had spread that you were his conquest. He always displayed the relics he stole from the empire’s colonization on his walls. You were just another one of the treasures he could boast about.

He married you and kept you locked in a manor. You were the pretty little human who boosted his status. Lothal called you the little Loth Cat caught in the jaws of a Loth wolf.

It wasn’t so bad. Being married to him had its perks. You had riches, status, and respect. His men were loyal to him. They saw you as an extension of his will and respected you. Under his name, you were no longer a rebel traitor. Now, you were an imperial bride.

And eventually you fell for him too. He was kinder than the others and respectful. He valued your input and praised your art. He treated you well and never struck you if you didn’t disobey.

You came to love him, or that’s what you told yourself. And while he wasn’t very expressive emotionally, you thought he loved you too.

You twirl the wedding band around your finger as you think.

“I was happy, you know, before you came. Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?” You close your eyes wishing she’d disappear.

If she were gone, maybe Thrawn would return. You aren’t too sure what happened to him, but you know he’s gone. The men he left stationed with you evacuated during Order 13 and Rukh left you and your son behind. That would have never happened if Thrawn were here to stop them.

The citizens of Lothal have also been celebrating for days now. Their shouts and cheers are pinpricks against your heart. You aren’t sure the specifics, but you’re sure your husband is gone.

“That’s not what Kallus said,” Hera sits at your side, “He said you looked like a ghost.”

Kallus.

The name invokes some small emotion in you. You haven’t thought of him in a while. Not since your husband had told you he was a traitor.

Alexsandr Kallus had been a friend to you. During your time with Thrawn, he had been one of the few imperial soldiers that had spoken to you with some respect. At first, you suspected it was merely because your presence was unavoidable with how close Thrawn demanded you stay with him. However, eventually, you thought you truly found a friend.

You weren’t quite sure what had happened to Alex after he had returned with a broken leg, but he had treated you better since. He made it a point to ask you about how you were doing or how you were feeling. If he saw a mark on you from when you had displeased Thrawn and he had given you a bruise, he would bring you ice or something to help.

He was kind. A true friend. It had hurt when he had left. You didn’t blame him for betraying the empire. You just wished he hadn’t left you alone.

“And what did Alex say?” You keep your voice steady but you are genuinely curious. If Hera notices how gently you say his nickname, she doesn’t comment on it. Instead she stares down at her hands.

“He’s worried. The entire time we were working to free Lothal, he kept bringing you up. He made Mon Mothma promise you would receive immunity if we could free the planet. He said you needed our help the most.”

You taste blood from how tightly you are biting your cheek.

“He feels guilty,” Hera admits, “The night we picked him up on that escape pod, he practically wanted to take a ship to Lothal to rescue you. We all did. There was just no way we could get through the blockade.”

You hum quietly and look towards the stairs where Theon is sleeping.

“I wouldn’t have left if you had,” you calmly state, “I had Theon.”

Theon.

Mitth’eo’nuruodo.

Your first born son. A little Chiss-human hybrid with pale blue skin and your facial features. His pupils are your eye color while the sclera the same glowing red as his father.

He is perhaps the greatest gift you have ever received. Amidst the loneliness and torment of your time with the empire, your son is the one joy you have. You would have never have left him if Alex had arrived for you that day. Thrawn would have never have let you escape with him either.

Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see Hera touch her own womb. You aren’t quite sure what to make of that.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats, “For everything that happened to you.”

You want to tell her off for her apology, mock her guilt, and throw everything back in her face because her inaction is what doomed you to this, but you don’t. Instead, you rub at your arms in anxiety. You’re too tired to be angry.

“If you’re here, then Lothal is lost. Has the empire evacuated? Has Thrawn left?”

It pains you to ask that. You aren’t sure you are prepared for the answer. More than that, you aren’t sure which one you want.

You think you love Thrawn. You’ve been an obedient wife all this time and you share a son. He treats you well if you behave. Isn’t that what love is? Isn’t that all you can hope for as someone captured by the empire?

Hera nods once.

Your world shatters.

You close your eyes.

You knew he was gone. Thrawn would have returned for you and Theon right away if he hadn’t disappeared, but it still hurts. He’s been a constant in your life these past few years and now he’s gone. There’s an ache somewhere in your chest that pulses with grief.

“He and Ezra were on board a ship when it jumped into hyperspace. The windows were broken and Purrgil were leading it away. I don’t think the airlock was intact. I doubt anyone on board survived.”

She clenches her jaw. Ezra’s loss weighs on her. For the first time, you see how exhausted she is. There are dark circles under her eyes, her skin is a shade paler than normal, and her clothes are disheveled. She is grieving. Grieving Ezra and Kanan and the rebel fleet that died in a failed assault.

You feel the same way. The loss of Thrawn is painful. If he hadn’t taught you to maintain your composure and exhibit elegance, you think you’d scream and wail. Anything to release the emotions that swirl within you now.

Your chest feels heavy and you twirl the wedding ring around your finger. It is now the only memory you have of him besides Theon. You aren’t sure whether you want to keep it close or throw it away.

You let your head sag against the sofa instead. Staring up at the ceiling, you mull on your options.

If Lothal is gone, what remains? The empire has fled the planet. Perhaps they’ll return to reclaim it eventually, but does it matter? Their victory means nothing now that Thrawn is gone. Your one bargaining chip was your marriage. Married to a high ranking soldier, you and Theon could have been protected. Now, the empire has no incentive to keep you alive. Why waste the money sheltering you if there’s no one around to hold them accountable?

What then is left? You’re a traitor to the rebellion. A rebel turned imperial wife. You don’t think Lothal will welcome you with open arms. And Theon? Theon has the mark of Thrawn. One glance at his little body will give away that he’s a hybrid. On the entire planet, there’s only one alien with his particular species. It won’t be hard for the people of Lothal to guess his parentage. He wouldn’t be safe.

Plus, in your current condition, you don’t have a lot of options either.

“What’s going to happen to me?”

You hate how frightened you sound. You don’t like being afraid. Fear is paralyzing. Thrawn never liked you showing weakness.

Hera takes your hand. The touch is foreign but familiar. You haven’t been touched by someone who wasn’t capable of hurting you in years.

Your mind goes to all those years ago when she had offered you her hand in Alderaan. You had eagerly taken it then excited for the prospect of joining her crew. Now you aren’t sure if you would still make that choice. If you could go back in time to that moment knowing what you know now, maybe you wouldn’t have accepted her proposition.

“You have immunity. Mon Mothma agreed with Kallus. You are a victim. They don’t want to see you punished. Bail Organa also remembers you. You were friends with his daughter. He argued on your behalf. I did too. You have options,” she squeezes your hand in reassurance, “Organa has offered you asylum in Alderaan. Alderaan is an imperial ally and you were a noble there. It’s not unusual for them to offer you shelter as an imperial wife. You and your son would be safe. You could go back to Princess Leia and live there.”

Leia. You haven’t heard that name in a while. You aren’t sure you’d like her to see you now. Your old friend was a firebrand never giving up and never surrendering. If she could see you now, you’re not sure she’d forgive you for giving in.

“You could also stay in Lothal. The people of Lothal know you aren’t to blame. They feel terrible for what you endured. Your story convinced a lot of people to join the rebellion and fight against the empire. You and your son would be safe here,” Hera continues after a brief pause.

You remain quiet.

“Sabine offered Mandalore. Her family can offer you asylum. Your surrender saved her life. She can find you a safe place in Mandalore away from the civil war. Bo-Katan Kryse herself would grant you shelter if Sabine asked,” Hera suggests.

You dismiss the notion immediately. The last thing you want is to go to another planet torn by war. Theon deserves to grow somewhere safe.

Finally, Hera finishes.

“Kallus offered to take you with him. He and Zeb are going to Lira San. It’s the home planet of Lasats. What’s left of their species has returned home and is prospering there. It’s safe and away from the empire. Kallus can take you there to help you with Theon. He said you’re a friend.”

Lira San. You think you’ve heard of it briefly in your studies in Alderaan. Wasn’t it supposed to be a myth? The notion that it was found is intriguing, and Alex would keep you safe.

But you can’t go. Not in your condition. You pull your hand free from Hera and close your eyes.

“I can’t.”

It’s a quiet admission that confuses her. She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t realize how your world is slowly falling apart. How you’ve been a ghost flickering through life these past 2 years and how nothing really makes sense.

You’ve forgotten who you used to be. You aren’t sure who you are now. You don’t even know if you can be someone again. You’ve forgotten how to be human.

Your life has changed again. The floor has fallen from under you. You are a traitor. An imperial collaborator in a planet recently freed from imperial control. The very people you were allied against now hold your life in their hands. The people of Lothal may call you a Loth cat, but you’d sooner call yourself a Loth rat.

And your family? Little Theon is all you have left. You need to protect him. His father isn’t here to protect you both anymore. That means you are on your own now for the first time in 2 years.

You feel trapped. You aren’t sure you can stomach any of this anymore. Abruptly, you spring to your feet. Your hands are shaking.

“Please leave,” you beg, “Let me think.”

You don’t wait for an answer. Even as she calls your name in concern, you ignore her and climb up the stairs towards Theon’s room.

He’s all you have left.

———————————————

To your surprise, it isn’t Hera who sits in the living room when you emerge back downstairs hours later. Hera has long since left agreeing to give you space. In her place is now the one person you’ve missed more than your husband.

Alexsandr Kallus stands up to greet you. A look of immense relief spreads through his face when you appear. He meets you half way and throws his arms around you.

You bury yourself in his embrace. He looks different now. His hair is different and there’s less conflict within him. He looks at peace for the first time in months. You like it. Freedom suits him.

He breathes out your name quietly in your hair. You close your eyes as tears threaten to escape. It’s tempting to suppress them, but you decide to let go anyway. Thrawn hated you expressing emotion, but you don’t think Alex would mind.

He doesn’t seem to. He lets you cry and you think you feel him tremble too. You swear you hear his own stuttered breaths as he holds you tightly.

Alex was a constant in your life. The only one who treated you kindly without expecting anything in return. He often defended you from everyone else and was there for you when you felt you would break.

Even now it seems he is holding you up. You aren’t sure how long you stay in his embrace, but eventually you find the strength to withdraw. His fingers gently wipe the tears still left on your face. You note that his own eyes are red.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, “I should have done more. I should have stopped it. Stopped him.”

You shake your head.

You can still remember the day the rumors began that Thrawn was keeping you as a conquest. You were sure you had seen Alex flinch the day after you had emerged from Thrawn’s chambers covered in bruises and bites. You reckoned he felt guilty that he hadn’t done more to stop it.

But you don’t want him to feel guilty, and you tell him as much.

The two of you sit by the window where the moons of Lothal are shining brightly. The moons have always made you smile. They remind you of Alex. Isn’t that what his code phrase had been? ”By the light of Lothal’s moons.”

It’s fitting for Alex. He always seemed to be a light in the darkness for you. The only friend you had who never mistreated you in your time on Lothal.

“Hera said you don’t know what to do,” Alex murmurs briefly. He’s holding your hand above the table the way he always did when you needed comfort. It’s a touch you missed.

You sigh quietly to yourself. Your head feels a mess and the road ahead seems so confusing. That’s another thing you’d miss about Thrawn. Thrawn gave orders and expected you to follow. You were obedient and that was easier than being free. You aren’t quite sure now what to do. The ability to decide for yourself is a dizzying feeling you haven’t experienced in a long, long time.

You shake your head quietly.

You wonder briefly what the others think of you. Do they pity you and see you as broken? They’d be partly right. Do they hate you and see you as a traitor? They’d also be partly right. Or do they see you with frustration? Someone freed who should know what to do the moment the chains fall away yet can’t seem to enjoy the feeling of the leash releasing. You reckon those people would also be partly right.

Any other prisoner of war would have ran the moment the cell door clanged open. You haven’t. You don’t think you remember how to be anything other than a prisoner. Somewhere along the way, you’ve lost yourself. The empire took a lot of things from you, yet perhaps that loss was the greatest of all.

You wish you could verbalize it. Put it into words in a way that would make sense to Hera and Mon Mothma and Bail Organa. A way for them to realize why it is that you stand at the precipice of freedom but can’t quite seem to let go. Maybe words could help them understand you-

But you don’t think you need to with Alex.

He’s always known just what you mean with a glance. You’ve always suspected it was because he was like you. Once loyal to the empire when his heart lied with the rebellion. Thrawn said he had the heart of a rebel and he was right. He had meant it as an insult then, but you think it was perhaps the greatest compliment he could have given Alex. His rebel heart is a steady, strong pulse. You envy it.

“What do you want to do?” Alex asks.

That’s a question you haven’t heard in years. It takes your breath away momentarily.

The empire hadn’t asked it when you were captured. Thrawn hadn’t asked it when he claimed you. Hera hadn’t even asked it when she presented you your options. No one had asked it in a very long time.

You take your time puzzling the answer. It’s an important choice that will set the course of your life. It merits plenty of thinking and strategy. It’s a long time before you speak.

“I want to get away.”

It’s such a simple answer when you finally verbalize it. You’re almost embarrassed it took you so long to realize.

You hate this manor. It’s a cold empty shell with nothing but the beauty of its relics to make it seem important. It feels so cold and uninhabitable. You’ve hated it since the moment Thrawn brought you here. Every inch of it is a memory of what you’ve endured. If you had a match and some fuel, you think you’d love to set it ablaze and watch it all burn.

Alex doesn’t hesitate.

“Then let’s go. Anywhere.”

He means to go with you, you realize. It’s a relief to hear him say it. You’ll have him at your side wherever you choose. You don’t think you deserve him.

It’s so tempting to take his hand and run away, but then the rest of your worries rear their heads. You remember the condition you find yourself in and feel some panic. It crawls along your skin and chokes you worse than the damned collar Pryce tied you to in that cell ever did.

“I can’t.”

You close your eyes to avoid seeing Alex’s disappointed face. He hesitates.

“Why?” He asks it so gently that you break.

You take his hand and move it to your womb. His touch is soft. It takes him moments to register what you are saying.

You found out a few days after Thrawn had left to go see the emperor. It wasn’t planned. The prospect of it now is terrifying.

Whatever child you will have, you are not sure you are ready to raise it on your own. Maker, your children will be hybrids of a species you don’t understand. You know nothing about how to raise them. Thrawn named Theon. He gave him a Chiss name and had plans for his upbringing to preserve his culture. You have no clue how to name another child. You don’t speak Thrawn’s language. You are ill prepared to go at it alone. The fear of it all keeps you rooted to your spot unable to seek freedom.

“It’s going to be okay,” Alex reassures, “You’ll be okay.”

He keeps his hand over yours gently. His touch is what keeps you from spiraling further. You close your eyes.

“I don’t even know what to name it,” you breathe out, “Thrawn picked out the names.”

Thrawn picked out everything. He chose what you wore and what you ate. He managed everything down to the last detail. You don’t know if you’re still capable of all those things. Freedom feels like a noose.

Alex doesn’t give up. He’s always been the one to talk you down from the edge. You’ve always wondered how it is that he knows exactly what to do to calm you down.

“Well what do you want?”

There is that question again. You ponder on it.

You want to get away from Lothal. Perhaps one day you’ll return and work on its efforts to readjust after empire rule, but that won’t be today. You want to go see Lira San and experience the mythical planet for yourself. You want to stay with Alex as one of the few people in the world you can genuinely trust. You also want Theon and your future child to live free and safe. You want all those things and more.

“I want to keep them,” you murmur. He nods. “Then name them yourself. You don’t need him to do it for you. What name do you like?”

You ponder on that again.

You like Mikhal for a boy. It was your father’s name. He went by Miki sometimes. You think you could name them that. You also like Vanness for a girl. Your mother and father passed already honoring them seems like a fitting tribute. You could also use Alex as a gender neutral name. It’s a name with a lot of significance to you too although you’re too embarrassed to tell Alex that.

Thrawn would hate the names. They’re too core and not Chiss. He’d never let you use them, but he isn’t here now to stop you. The control he has on you is gone. For the first time in a long time, you’re finally allowed to decide on something for yourself.

So you tell him the names minus the last one. Explain their significance. He squeezes your hand and says he likes them too. It’s a relief to find someone who actually views you as an equal. You’ve been so used to being beneath someone that you forgot you were also a living being. You think you’ll like coming back to life after years of existing as a specter.

Finally Alex stands.

“You get to pick what happens now,” he looks serious, “Hera won’t force you into anything. I will support whatever you choose.”

You think of Theon and the child you’ll have now. They need a safe place to grow. That isn’t Lothal or Mandalore. Lothal is under threat of empire invasion to reclaim what was lost and Mandalore is under civil war. It’s not safe.

You think of Alderaan. Your parents are both gone, so there’s not much tying you down to it. You’ll also think it’ll hurt too much to live there with the memories of a girl you used to be who no longer exists. The little noble who left Alderaan to see the world never imagined the world could be so cruel. She forgot the most important lesson of all. She forgot that they hurt little girls everywhere-on every planet. Perhaps if she had remembered, she wouldn’t have ended up in someone’s cage. So you cross that name off your list with a feeling of loss, mourning the naive child that died so you could take her place.

That leaves one option. Lira San. Alex wants to go there. He’s told you about the guilt of what he did to the Lasats. If there truly is a world where the species is still thriving, he needs to see it for himself to assuage his guilt. You also want to see it too. It’ll be a fascinating study of culture and art. Despite everything that happened, Thrawn wasn’t able to rob you of that interest. That was the one thing he couldn’t take from you. It’ll also be a safe place for your children. The empire can’t reach it and the people are prospering.

There’s only one true option. It feels dizzying to be able to decide, but you think you can learn to like the feeling. It makes you feel alive.

So you stand with Alex and look out the window. You’ll miss the moons of Lothal. It’s perhaps the only thing you’ll miss on this planet.

“Lira San. It’s safer. Let’s go there,” you offer.

There isn’t an indication that you’ve made the right choice, you know. There seldom is in life. A lot of decisions aren’t followed by the sound of a buzzer or the sound of a bell, but you think you made the right one anyway. If for nothing else, it’s the right one for you. The first choice in a long time that you’ve been able to make for yourself. No one can rob you of that freedom now.

Alex smiles at you. It’s an innocent smile with no pain, malice, or manipulation behind it. You hope one day you can relearn to smile like that again.

“Then let’s go.”

The two of you pack quietly. You leave behind everything that has an imperial stamp or symbol. The suitcase isn’t very full by the time you close it, but that’s alright. You’d rather have few belongings than anything that reminds you of the empire.

Theon is with his nanny droid when you take him. Alex is the one to pick him up and it’s a surprise how easily Theon takes to him. Thrawn never held him, so he’s not used to a man picking him. Yet he leans into Alex like he can sense he’s someone safe to be around.

The nanny droid stares silently as you leave. Alex tells you the rebellion will check it to remove the tracker and the personality chip the empire no doubt implanted. That means that you’ll have to take Theon without it and wait some time to replace the droid. You don’t mind not having a nanny droid. You never really liked the old thing anyway. Thrawn had been the one to pick it out.

Finally the three of you abscond into the night. The manor door clangs shut behind you and you freeze. You half expect Rukh to fall out of the shadows and capture you, or perhaps some type of alarm to sound out. When nothing happens, you learn to breathe again.

It was all fear, you realize. All this time you were kept prisoner by the fear that had been planted in you by someone else. You make a vow then and there to never feel that way again.

The future is an uncertain haze. You should be nervous as Alex leads you to the speeder outside. It should be terrifying to face a world of possibilities where the path hasn’t been marked for you by someone else.

But it isn’t.

A strange feeling is slowly growing amidst the panic and pain. That little emotion marks the end of your captivity. It’s a tiny little bud now, but you think it could grow into something great some day.

It takes you a moment to place what that emotion is, but when you do, you feel a small sense of relief. That feeling is proof you haven’t been completely destroyed by what happened to you. That there’s still some humanity left in the empty shell you thought you had been reduced to.

Hope.

It’s hope, you realize, a powerful thing. It’s so strong that you understand now why the rebellion fought so hard to preserve it. That tiny little feeling is enough to restart your life again.

For the first time in a very long time, you finally feel hopeful, and that is enough to make you keep going.

#thrawn x reader #alexsandr kallus x reader #kallus x reader #grand admiral thrawn #alexsandr kallus #the cute gif is my attempt to make up for the contents

[withgirl-sq]

🍓🕯️🍬🌸🥐

Thank you for the ask!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I was so hyped by the idea of Emma Swan becoming the Dark One that I couldn't wait for the next season so I wrote one of the scenarios I was imagining. Season 5 of OUAT was such a disappointment that I had to stop watching for a long time and just write what I wished the show was lol

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Would have to go with 1 - I think this is a dyslexia thing, I just find it so difficult haha

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

I find that Zuko's redemption arc is not as fully realised as so many people think it is...he should have joined the Gaang sooner if they wanted to do that I think. Some of this may be related to my opinion (no idea whether it's popular or not) but I think that Book 3 of The Last Airbender could have been better structured.

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

I have a dog, this is Rodney!

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

Honestly the meme of the spidermen pointing at each other makes me laugh for no particular reason lol

#emma swan #once upon a time #zuko #avatar the last airbender