#with my anxiety

[decadentpaperduck]

hi tj i love u how are you?? <3333333

Augustiiiiiiine <3 (i appreciate i have never addressed you by your name i am too afeared of getting it wrong D:)

i love u too

i am...ok?? i think!! thinking things, brain going brr. how are you!!

#love for you #meah #i embarrass myself #with my anxiety #anyway love u <3

[ravenkings]

#making big purchases on my phone gives me anxiety ngl #i think i find it less trustworthy for some bizarre and irrational reason #twitter

[eastgaysian]

#ordinary photo of yeti #they made astarion in a lab for me to be obsessed with. #like hottest man in game for me is halsin truthfully. astarion is my shitty little white dog with separation anxiety who bites people. #very different things. if i say i'm doing a playthrough as astarion that's when you put me down #main factor motivating me not to is i need to hear neil newbon's voice acting at least once a minute or i die. #i've got a dark urge concept rattling around the brain but i should maybe self-impose a gaming break and take care of. responsibilities 😐

[bunabi]

Using a fear of Palestinian revenge as justification for the occupation is both wild and familiar

Aint nobody thinking about vengeance after getting freedom 😭 all we wanna do on this planet is drink chilled juice and not die

#as the CEO of anxiety and paranoia I really think everyone can benefit from some CBT #you think im thinking of ending the bloodline of my ancestors' slavemasters ? wrong ! two gundams having sex

[lost-in-derry]

Reblog if it’s ok for your mutuals to tag you in posts they think you’ll like even if you don’t talk often.

#I always have the urge to tag people and then my social anxiety is like #no #you’re bothering them #mutuals #my post

[fandom-trash-goblin]

i beg you to love me, say that i'm enough, but you tell me— why are you like this? i think there's something wrong with you.

for @shestrying

thanks to @acelania for finding the unknowns!

in image / desperation sits heavy on my tongue, tumblr user tullipsink / mary oliver, ‘north country’ / virginia woolf, letter to violet dickinson / in image / blythe baird, from if my body could speak / Alice in Bed: A Play' by Susan Sontag (link in comment) / lynee rae perkins, criss cross / elena ferrante, Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay' (trans. Ann Goldstein) / rainer maria rilke, from rilke’s book of hours / in image/ in image

#webweaving #webweave #poetry #aesthetic #quotes #spilled ink #poems and poetry #poems and quotes #writing #poem #spilled poetry #words #spilled thoughts #dark academia #web weaving #*mine: graphics #brought to you by my anxiety running wild and my brain deciding today's a fine; fine day to ponder on the realisation that- #- all i've been doing is failing since a past few months... years #okay tho this one looks sorta ugly #some images blurred some not; unfortunately; i dont have the diligence to correct it as of yet #we'll see #added sources - 27/3/24

[cherrysoulth]

Vlog #1

I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad. Don't ask me why... I'll tell you why.

I start things. Don't finish them. I get mad for not finishing them. Make plans, schedules even, and then life happens and I can't follow them. Then I'm mad again. For not following them, for falling behind schedule, for seeing the list grow. I procrastinate. I feel like a failure. And gess what. I'm mad again. Even cleaning seems like such a huge task these days. So I'm mad at it too. I like super clean and organised spaces but I can't seem to gather the courage to keep my place up to my high standards. It's fairly clean and organised but not enough. I clean other people's houses and get paid for it but I still won't put that effort in my own pleace. That neatness... I'm mad. At everything.

It's not rage. Most of the time. It feels like a low flame somewhere inside of me. It's there, I can feel it heat up and keep me off balance. Sometimes it blows and I just want to leave whatever I'm doing and get away, instead of finishing.

It's frustration, I know. I just needed to explain a bit of it's layers. I'm frustrated with my life right now and I'm in a cicle of bitting my own tail.

I hope to get out of it soon.

#adhd rant #At least I got a cat #I didn't have a cat before #It does help #With my anxiety #And She's really cute #i need to get my shit together #I'm gonna go do it now #Probably going to cry #but it's good

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

#mlp #yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia. #yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show #but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!! #i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse #in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character #personal #delete later #unless you like this analysis stuff #i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did #cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her #mother and father as a teenager #i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased #but i'll put some in the tags #involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity #anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention #(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff #long post #regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at #a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up

[1alchemistart]

haven't done one of these in a while KSDFJKSD

#sxf #spy x family #damianya #damian desmond #anya forger #should i really tag the rest of the gang if we only see the back of their heads. prob not #my art #INTERVIEW TOMORROW . . . .. ANXIETY!!! !

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

Heartbreaking: girl who wants nothing more than to cuddle forever can’t sit in the same position for more than 5 minutes

#of my many anxieties about relationships the idea that someone would be so annoyed by this that it’s a dealbreaker is one of the #m

[asavt]

Once upon a time a small rat walked into my web...

#cotl #cult of the lamb #shamura cotl #cotl shamura #cotl ratau #ratau cotl #fan art #digital art #my art #I think of the idea that Ratau went into Silkcradle and tried to battle Shamura and lost. #I think like ''take out their leader so they are all helpless'' #it didn't work #lost an eye #was constantly chased by the other bishop's followers for attempting to #and now years later in his extended lifespan #a certain spider walks into his hut #mind not quite there #quite lost #and they play a game #and maybe they recognize him maybe not #maybe the anxiety of having a ex-god-now-demigod is overreacted and overthought #but for now he'll just roll his dice #and see why they were once called the god of wisdom and war

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Vanessa makes sun light up with joy!

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #fnaf vanessa #fnaf vanny #vanessa afton #vanessa shelly #fnaf sun #sundrop #fnaf #fnaf movie #security breach #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #SUN FINALLY MENTIONED ☀️☀️☀️ #I’ve gotten a ton of requests for art of this boy! so I’m glad I got to draw em finally #I plan on drawing moon next! so keep your eyes out for that 👀 #finally some of sun’s anxiety is soothed by someone wanting to help him #my boy just needs some assistance #Vanessa once again adopts more of the Pizzaplex animatronics #Vanny probably isn’t too happy about being dragged in to help #but I doubt she can turn down Vanessa pff

[shkspr]

time for my oddly specific dni that is a joke and not real. ofc tag how many apply to you. dni if you:

like ranch dressing

think you “Get” the movie inception

are an only child

were/are into supernatural AND sherlock but NOT doctor who

were born after st patricks day 2002

dont like fruit or vegetables

took german in high school

have happily married parents

have a strong preference for the xbox over other consoles

have a name that was one of the top 100 in your country the year you were born

have or want more than two dogs

are a libra

are against writing/highlighting in books (like morally against it, even other people doing it in books that arent yours and have nothing to do with you)

have never worked customer service

like thunderstorms

are a man who works in tech

dont remember your dreams

dont have a favorite color

regularly wear jeans to bed

look good in hats

#i have a lot of anxiety so again i must stress this is jokes #many of these things apply to some of my dearest friends #a few of them apply to me. its whatever #ok to rb

[liimonadas]

im actually obsessed with 2-4 phoenix he is tired of all this bullshit. i love how he does not say a word for like 5 minutes after edgeworth enters the room

#hes on no hours of sleep running on anxiety barely processing what just happened #i think hes allowed to lash out a little #im trying to get more comfortable posting doodles here because ive been doodling a lot to cope w the stress lol #phoenix wright #miles edgworth #franziska von karma #farewell my turnabout #ace attorney #fanart #art

[aitadjcrazytimes]

#lmao #for anyone who's curious the process went: #send ask to aita official #blog blows up #someone realizes its a chexer fic #i follow them bc they seem cool #i join their rvb server #their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on #i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected #the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury #this leads me to do research into brain injuries #''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder'' #think on that for a while #go to the ER for unrelated reasons #remember my theory #bring it up to the doctor #Doctor Immediate Concern #doctors orders a ct scan #''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury'' #(i had had several) #''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit'' #and now we are here #it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic #and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences #so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself #^ ^ <3 #im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here

[inkskinned]

i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.

"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.

my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.

i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."

"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."

"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."

#writeblr #:) #the small secret love i have for y'all. the way i am filled with gratitude. #for the nosebleed club. for stephen particularly. #for every artist i've ever been in contact with and collaborated with. #for every person who has commented on my work and passed it along or fallen in love with it #for every silent 'just hitting like' follower and for every person who sends me dms and for each of you #i know i suck at replying bc i have anxiety. but like. you keep being here. so i keep writing. #i legit wouldn't be here without you. #thank you sophie thank you katie thank you carolyn thank you stephanie thank you jess #thank you if you're reading this #i got too overwhelmed with love and have to stop writing this FAR too early into the thank yous bc im about to cry with love