#write it in your diary (answers). | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

grammarpedant · 1 year

Note

Hello!! Feel absolutely free to ignore/delete if this isn't your thing but: I'm working on a Murderbot playlist, one of my silly arbitrary rules is only one song per artist, and as a person with great Analysis and Opinions I am humbly asking you to break a tie. The songs in question are "Ghosts in the Code" and "Disconnected" by Aviators.

Ghosts in the Code is for the general growth and character development with bonus cool computery lyrics while Disconnected is all about Exit Strategy and MENSAH. I picture one of the verses as coming from her (but won't say which one, that's up to you ;))

Hi anon! Apologies for taking so long to get back to your lovely ask <3 Music is not really my strong point, but I'm flattered that you thought my opinion worth soliciting. Unsure if you haven't already made your decision by now, but I've already listened to your picks and it's lowkey been on my mind this past month and a half, so I wanted to give your question a whirl! XD

First off, I've gotta congratulate you on having great taste. Aviators is a fave- atmospheric acoustic vibe, nice vocals, their songs are often rich with story and especially sf/f themes which makes them great picks for character playlists, and honestly I have just never met an Aviators song I didn't like. And among their many excellent songs you've picked a couple that fit great for Murderbot and its Diaries.

Let's dive right in!

youtube

Ghosts in the Code has a very driven action-adventure vibe to it- strong underlying beat, a synth-y sound to the guitars (bear with me, I told you I'm not a music guy), I could almost imagine it as the ending theme to an 80's cyberpunk anime, with shots of cool fight scenes intercut with the protag walking pensively through an empty neon city at night as the credits scroll by.

Am I a man or an automaton? Am I so wrong To think that There's something beneath my exterior? Superior thoughts that rule me I'm not a fool, am I? Can someone tell me why I feel like I'm never in control? I'm gonna find the source Locate a deeper force Under my very soul

The entire first stanza is classically Cyborg Angst, asking questions about humanity, self-determination, and what it means to be a machine, but in a way that feels specifically Murderbot. Maybe I'm alive in a whole new way, the following lyrics suggest- there's something quietly, moodily defiant about the way the questions are framed and answers suggested that feels reminiscent of Murderbot's narrative voice and the themes of its character arc alike; it's a song about just trying to survive and find yourself in a hostile world.

The fuel and the fire In a newfound desire They're moving me higher And the wires are changing their road The gears are turning on and on The fears I held within are gone The song that plays in metal parts Beats now to a different heart Yeah, the wires are changing their road Still haunted by ghosts in the code Maybe I'm alive In a whole new way I won't carry the burdens of yesterday There's something new inside Like I'm a different man Ghosts in the code of who I am

The song remains melancholy about the struggle of self-hood; it never settles on what exactly it is, yet it's ultimately triumphant about declaring its intention to self-determine. It's a great song for Murderbot and its own journey across the series! With bonus points for a connection between the phrase "Ghosts in the Code" and Murderbot 2.0's little moment of claiming self-identity:

TargetContact said, A software ghost. I liked that. I had watched media with ghosts, though I didn’t have access to the files or titles anymore. I said, A ghost that kills you.

youtube

Meanwhile, Disconnected is a much more melancholy, pensive song, a duet that feels like it would be perfect for an angsty AMV if the live action adaptation ever came out, lots of shots taken from the emotional Murderbot and Mensah scenes superimposed against each other, maybe with a rain filter. But as much as the song is about a fraught relationship, the themes of the lyrics are almost as much about how the people in the song stand against the challenges of an unkind world as it is about how they relate to each other.

I feel like this world should break me But nothing changes after all I'll never be perfect But neither will you

I've been listening to this song on repeat all while writing this (I did that for each song as I analyzed them) and I'm fascinated by how the singers' voices intertwine; they're both singing for the duration of the song (i think) and for the chorus their voices are balanced, but for some verses one voice comes forward clearly, and makes that line "theirs." So if we choose to interpret the lead singer's voice as Murderbot's and the featured artist's as Mensah, that would theoretically complicate the fit of the song- and yet somehow, anon, you've picked a song that still captures the vibes of everything difficult in their relationship: the parts of the bond forged by trauma, the codependency, Murderbot walking away from the whole "owner" thing, the paternalism that Mensah needed to unlearn, Murderbot genuinely benefiting from her having encouraged it to reach out from its depressed shell, the ways they've been there for each other. "I know how to be afraid"- the chorus is sung with both voices equally strong, and god if this line from it doesn't speak to the way they understand each others' fear and trauma post Exit Strategy. Meanwhile, the first and last non-chorus verses resonate with Murderbot's depressed beginning in ASR and its decision to walk away at the end, respectively; meanwhile, this part is indisputably Mensah's:

Just for example Say you forget me To start over apart And rebuild something new It sounds familiar Endings begin again Each mistake I'm learning A lesson from you

Quality Mensah angst right there. It's the kind of thing that I've written thousands of words of fic for. "I know I fucked up," Mensah thinks to herself in the lonely nights after MB pisses off. "I could have done better," she thinks while fending off reporters looking to turn tragedy into a scoop. And, worrying with her friends and coworkers, "I hope you're okay, wherever you are."

I like, too, that this section is then followed by a back-and-forth with the main singer. In the context of selecting it for a character playlist, it really helps to drive home the idea that this is still about Murderbot, and its relationship to Mensah. (And I'm deeply curious to know if this is also the verse that you were thinking of as coming from her!)

Also, I just think it's great that the title of this song works as an homage to @indigo's Mensah POV longfic, Extended Disconnection, an absolute titan of talent and wordcount that comes highly recommended if you haven't read it already.

So which song should you pick? They both have a lot to recommend them. I think personally, if we take the songs in isolation, I like Ghosts in the Code as a Murderbot song better- it encompasses so much of its character arc and themes, with only the minor downside of using gendered terms for the song's pov a couple times. On the other hand, Mensah's impact on Murderbot is an important part of Murderbot's story, and deserves its own shoutout. My one big reservation with that song, then, is that I don't particularly like the guest artist's voice as a cast for Mensah- it's too young and girlish, and in combination with the lead singer's comparatively more masc voice gives me the persistent mental image of Brown-Haired White Male Everyman And Petite Blonde Love Interest, which is the absolute wrong vibe for Murderbot and Mensah, the agender cyborg and older brown woman whose platonic relationship defies easy categorization. I would thus personally lean toward Ghosts in the Code, but hey! I don't know what's on the rest of your Murderbot playlist. Maybe there's a lack of Mensah feels, and plenty of other songs that encompass MB's "general growth and character feels," or maybe Disconnected flows better with the other songs on the playlist.

Ultimately, both of these are great additions to a Murderbot themed playlist, and I think you couldn't go wrong with either. If you see this and ever want to drop a follow-up ask, I'd be fascinated to hear which one you went with, or if you ended up doing something else!

#verso answers #murderbot diaries #murderbot #music #ayda mensah #meta #honestly I would've been happy to keep your nice ask in my dungeon of unanswered asks indefinitely anon.#it's such a nice missive and i'm an evil wizard! so obviously I have to hang onto it for eternity. HOWEVER #i also love monologuing and you've given me such a wonderful opportunity to ramble at length about murderbot and these good songs #and so for that i thank you and release your ask unto the world <3 #hope you enjoyed just how many words I ended up writing about this wonderful music!

11 notes · View notes

gallawitchxx · 2 years

Note

Okay I have so many but I'm gonna pace myself because I love hearing your thoughts so much (:

Do you think Mickey has always known he's gay? Do you thing when he may or may not fucked women, he was trying to figure it out or just doing for survival? Do you think Ian was his first guy?

I think Ian is a bit more obvious canonically but Mick can go either way in my head

Always a pleasure (;

-anon xx

oh LORDY xx anon, good thing my wife is out with friends because i guess we are tucking IN tonight!!!! 😂🖤🥳

ooooof, i have a bajillion thoughts about mickey’s sexuality & they all conflict! GET READY!

if i may be a bit serious here, on my very own blog, i think the reality of mickey’s situation is that he knew he was gay or he knew that girls didn’t do it for him, but he also very likely did try to “make a girl work.” his situation with terry was so violent & so dangerous that he probably would have gone a lot longer/the rest of his fucking life with a woman to stay alive/in good graces/employed/housed/whatever the fuck he needed from & with terry. not to mention all of the internalized homophobia.

if not for ian.

so yeah, i would like to think that ian was mickey’s first guy, but i’m open to the possibility that he wasn’t? mickey read that wrestling situation & took his clothes off SUPES QUICK! lolol. like, the boy knows how to hook up, ok?

or he was so swept up in his love & lust for ian that he just took a fucking flyer & thank christ it worked out for him, minus the terrifying moment when terry literally caught them in bed together!!!! because it is undeniable that ian is the catalyst for mickey having to come to terms with his sexuality, both privately & publicly. & i like to think that mickey had a thing for ian & would go to the kash & grab to terrorize him in an “if he pulls your hair, he likes you” kind of a way.

ok also, i don’t know where this thought goes in the overall puzzle/it’s always sunny diagram board of my wild thoughts, but when ian went to the army, mickey went back to hooking up with women.

HOW DID I DO?! 👻

#xx anon one more & you’ll need your own tag 😉#*pulls out diary*#*writes*#will i ever learn xx anon’s theories & thoughts?#will they ever reveal themselves?#is the (: a clue to their identity #or a way to further camouflage themselves?#THIS IS FUN THANKS #ask bee #answered #xx anon i owe you my life

11 notes · View notes

katrinawritesthings · 1 year

Text

Jonghyun/Taemin ; number one fan ; PG

Taemin being famous and Jonghyun being not and they're dating and Jonghyun has a Blog where he pretends to be Taemins boyfriend

Taemin thinks it's the funniest thing in the world and his number one favorite thing about being a celebrity. He figures, right now in the closet, it's just funny and harmless, and if he ever decides to actually come out, it'll be absolutely fucking hilarious when he points everyone to the joke blog and tells them that everything on it is 100% factually accurate.

Taemin wakes up the same way he always does: curled up like a shrimp, legs and arms sprawled in front of him, in a puddle of his own drool, and with Jonghyun's arm heavy over his waist. He breathes in deep, inching his head backwards to a dry patch of the pillow. He doesn't try opening his eyes yet. He knows it'll just hurt.

Instead, he tries to remember what he was dreaming about. Something about an orgy? No, it was supposed to be an orgy/movie night/sleepover, but then him and everyone that was there got too invested in the movies and they wound up forgetting to have sex. And then in the morning they woke up at the lake for some reason. Lizzo was there.

Taemin cannot fathom what the fuck his dreams are ever talking about, but at least they're fun. He swallows, then coughs, clearing his throat of morning gunk. He tries opening his eyes; it hurts, but not so bad that he can't blink them hard and get over it. The curtains are only cracked a little bit so it's not too bright in the room. On his dresser, the clock says it's 7:30. Not bad. He yawns, turning into the pillow, then mumbling and grumbling into the pillow because even though his body thought it was time to wake up, that doesn't mean he has to appreciate it.

"Good morning, starshine," Jonghyun sings gently against the back of his head. His arm tightens around Taemin's waist and soon his whole body is pressing up against Taemin’s back. Taemin deflates a little, half sighing, half laughing into the pillow. Good morning starshine indeed. He mumbles back his own greeting in between Jonghyun kissing the back of his neck. "Can I tell all of your lovely fans that you turbo farted for like 20 seconds in your sleep?" Jonghyun asks him, cute and peppy like he's been wide awake for a while.

"Did I fucking really?" Taemin laughs. He worms around until he's facing Jonghyun, blinking at him with crusty eyes. Jonghyun's eyes are round and bright, just like his smile. His pink hair sticks up at odd angles and Taemin reaches up to pat it down.

"Absolutely you did," he confirms. "You woke me up, dude."

"God," Taemin laughs. He believes it, but still. What the fuck. "Sure,” he says. Jonghyun can put that on his blog.

Taemin wouldn't even call it a blog, honestly. More of a performance art piece. All Jonghyun does on it is pretend to be Taemin's boyfriend. Taemin doesn't want to be out to the general public, and he definitely doesn't want the general public knowing about his boyfriend. More for Jonghyun’s safety than his own. But Jonghyun is the type that likes to show off and brag about his boyfriend, so he started the blog as a joke, pretending to be a fan that was a little too attached to his favorite celebrity.

He takes selfies that Taemin has posted to his instagram or fantaken pictures and very badly edits himself into them like they're couple pictures. Sometimes he even takes pictures of Taemin standing with another celebrity and just pastes his head on top of the other person and pretends like it's a real picture of the two of them. He gives out personal details of Taemin's life, but only things like the time he dropped an entire bowl of cereal onto the floor, or that he has an oviposition kink, or when he turbo farts in his sleep.

Originally it was just supposed to be a fun little thing, an inside joke, but then Jonghyun started getting followers. A lot of followers. Followers that get that it's a joke and think it's funny, followers that understand that it's fake but are ravenously angry at him anyway, followers that can't figure out if it's real or not and keep messaging him to ask for clarification, followers that believe it's real and send in their various opinions about it.

Taemin had closed his eyes again while he was thinking, but they're drawn open once more by the sound of his phone vibrating on the headboard. Bluh. He reaches up for it, slapping around until he finds it and checking who's calling him. His manager.

"Yeah? Hi," he answers, not bothering to sound like he didn't just wake up. His manager says hello good morning, tells him that he has a reality show to film for soon, and that he'll be there to pick him up in an hour, what does he want from the coffee place? Taemin asks for a little coffee in his milk, a strawberry frappuccino for Jonghyun, reminds his manager to get something for himself too, and flops his phone back up on the headboard when the call is over.

"Busy bee business?" Jonghyun asks, arching one eyebrow behind his phone. Taemin chuckles, sliding his arm over Jonghyun and pushing his face into his chest.

"Just the one show and then dance practice today, I think," he says. Easy day. Fun day. He'll be back home to get snuggles and smooches before he knows it. "What are you going to do today?" He asks. He always likes knowing what his favorite little strawberry is up to.

"Writing, probably," Jonghyun shrugs. "How come you don't like bugs?"

"What?" Taemin asks, baffled, and then, a second later, "oh." Oh, right, the questions from his adoring fans. "I don't know, they're, like, gross," he mumbles. "Like, they're cool, and interesting, and good for the planet, but they're gross. And they fly at you. What's up with that? Mind your own business." He yawns, rolling over to his back. Bluh. If he has to be out in an hour then he better start stretching. He lurches to a sitting position and straightens his legs out under the covers, reaching for his toes. "I used to eat ants, though," he mumbles, remembering suddenly. "When I was little. They had a weird crunch but after that they had a good mouthfeel."

Jonghyun doesn't reply to that; he just laughs, snorting into his palms, and then goes back to typing on his phone. Taemin smiles to himself as he continues his stretching. He likes making Jonghyun laugh.

He finishes his routine, then sits there in the middle of the bed and grumbles about how he doesn't want to get up until Jonghyun ruffles his hair and smooches his cheeks and tells him that he'll do a good job at work today. Then, feeling sufficiently energized and supported, he slouches out of bed and into the bathroom. He finishes all of that business and returns to flop directly on top of Jonghyun and tickle and kiss and drip his wet hair all over him until his manager texts him that he's at the door.

"Come get your coffee," he tells Jonghyun over his loud laughter, grabbing his wrist and tugging him out of bed. Jonghyun follows, nuzzling his shoulder, touching his butt, and striking up a little conversation with Taemin's manager while Taemin rifles around in the kitchen for something to eat in the car.

Armed with a banana and a homemade blueberry muffin that he’ll never tell Jonghyun is kind of dry, Taemin gets one last smooch on the cheek and heads out with his manager. In the car, he listens to what he’s supposed to do today, bothers and teases his manager a little bit, checks the news on his phone, and is bored within 10 minutes.

"I'm going to do a livestream," he says.

"Kay. Don't tell everyone you're working on a new album or I will steal your vocal cords out of your nostrils.”

"I'm going to sing the entire song," Taemin says, grinning when his manager shakes his head. He won't. But he knows that his manager can never be sure if he's joking or not. Something him and Jonghyun have in common, he guesses.

And speaking of Jonghyun, Taemin sees him in his chat a couple minutes after he starts. Saying things like uwu hi babyyyyyy and I forgive you farting on me <3 and can't wait to see you back home later!!!

Taemin barely suppresses the monumental urge to roll his eyes. Jonghyun is so cute and so funny, all the time. He talks to the rest of his fans, reading and appreciating every message Jonghyun sends but not replying to any of them. If there's one thing he thinks is even funnier than Jonghyun's blog, it's pretending to have absolutely no idea about it no matter how many times people send him links and ask him about it.

Which, usually, isn't a problem, but–when Taemin was little, he ate ants n liked it, Jonghyun types. And usually, his comments get lost in the sea of everyone else's, but this time, everyone seems to latch onto that and before Taemin even realizes what's happening, his chat is filled with ant emojis and lmaos and not a single person saying that they disbelieve it for once.

And for the first time, Taemin is grumpy about the blog. He wants so badly to clarify, to say that he didn't like it, they just had a good mouthfeel, but he can't. And Jonghyun knows that. And Taemin knows that Jonghyun knows that Taemin knows that Jonghyun knows.

fucked up. As soon as they arrive at the recording studio and Taemin ends the stream, he sends Jonghyun a single >:( text message. Immediately, Jonghyun sends a single :3c text back.

Taemin can't stay mad at that. He sends back a heart and slots this phone into his pocket. Whatever. It's not like that's even close to the most embarrassing thing Jonghyun has said about him on that blog anyway.

#jongtae #jonghyun #taemin #fluff #oneshot #pg #ydw #Jonghyun: do you think it would be funny if I forged your signature very badly #And wrote a message to me about how much you love me but it's very clearly not your handwriting at all on your new album #Taemin: god yes. do it #Jonghyun's blog name is Taeminsboyfriend and his instagram chat name is Taeminsliteralmother #he doesn't answer mean messages but he does laugh about them with Taemin #and he never bothered with having more than one blog so it's also kind of his diary blog #and also his justice blog and also his music writing blog and also his anime blog #he wants so bad to tell everyone that thirsty is about Taemin having a piss kink but Taemin won't let him #Shout out to Denise Jones for this one

2 notes · View notes

placeofwonder · 1 year

Text

today: me trying to make a studyblr-esque post but instead of studying I'm doing readings and worksheets for therapy... also making sure that I eat as many Krapfen as I can until that time of year is over again

how much of the mental health benefits of these therapy appointments are actually just down to the walk between the tram stop and my therapist's office being really pretty? who knows

#mine #personal #diary #i still have my placement report to write and i've done nothing for that so far #but yeah so much of my time now is spent doing work for therapy instead of uni oops #*shakes brain* i'm doing this for you you better appreciate the effort #upsides of tracking your stress levels: you know how stressed you are #downsides of tracking your stress levels: also that. sshhh can i not just pretend not to see it? (the answer is no)

4 notes · View notes

safyresky · 1 year

Note

The Santa Clause 3 is such a underrated Christmas movie that deserves more love because the plot is cool with all the legendary figures together. If you think about The Santa Clause 3 is kind of like a live-action version of The Rise of the Guardians.

Anon, you are SO right and I LOVE that take. They kind of ARE! But OLDER and meaner so they get to be a little unhinged!! Sneaking past yetis? Nah man, Jack can just waltz into the Pole any day much to everyone's dismay and we (here at SafyreSky Industries) LOVE THAT FOR HIM

#dani answers #the santa clause 3 #the santa clause #ask box shenanigans #anons #ty for the ask anon! seeing asks is always a fun surprise!#but yeah it is a very underrated movie and I get upset when people say IT SUCKED or IT DOESN'T EXIST #YEAH it is FLAWED but GODDAMN. jacks lines???#getting martin freaking short to play jack????#and when ur like 11-12 and you see this family fight on cribmas eve #and then make up after saying 'hey man. we fight. it happens! but let's not let it keep us down'#when your WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY IS PRONE TO FIGHTING LIKE THAT ABOUT THE DUMBEST SHIT AND NEVER MOVING PAST IT?#it does things to you man. it does things #and seeing a hug thaw Jack when Zuko's redemption arc is THAT FRESH IN YOUR HEAD?#it also does things to you #like creating an incorrigible oc who takes over your life and writing three whole ass fics about it #and suddenly you have your own fantasy world and it's like ??????#it does things to you man #when the tags become a diary lmao

5 notes · View notes

perceives · 2 years

Text

massive tag dump

#tags.#sometimes mom and i think the same thoughts，have the same dreams.#pain as a shadow or companion: i wonder if that's possible.#i don't miss laura at all.#at least there are no wars after death.#i can't tell you how valuable a daydream is.#such a willingness to forgive‚ such a big heart.#i dream of flying sometimes.#it's just me now.#if this is a test‚ i will find a way to pass it.#unless it's printed‚ it didn't really happen to me.#page ripped out (as found).#i don't want to hear about fire.#my life is whatever the other person in the room wants it to be.#i wonder if life is still something i can make up.#i never meant to see the small hills and the fire.#verse info.#prompts.#write it in your diary (answers).#study.#visage.#boost.#and the angels wouldn't help you because they've all gone away.#i don't know when i can come back. maybe never.#how can i be together if i'm not together?#nowhere，fast. and you're not coming.#for now i am half-numb，half-raw.

2 notes · View notes

inkskinned · 1 year

Text

"the curtains weren't blue on purpose. why should we care?"

my love! let me ask you this - did you eat breakfast today? this tiny moment in your life. just think about it. did you?

for some of you, the answer is yes and for some of you it is technically and for some of you it is does coffee count. some of you reached for cereal or gmo-free overnight oats or frozen waffles or 3-day-old pizza. sometimes we eat the same thing, every day, for weeks. i get tired of eggs randomly, only to go back to craving them desperately. i'm cuban; i take my coffee like my father showed me, very milky and sweet.

some of us ate in a hurry. some of us hate eating breakfast but if we don't we will get nauseous later. some of us took our meds first or took our meds after. some of us have a kitchen 5 feet wide and sometimes it's the biggest room in the house. some of us are confident there will be food in the pantry and some of us flinch and say well, the paycheck is coming. some of us turn on a podcast while we eat or we scroll our phones or write in our diaries.

some of us are choosing, specifically, not to eat breakfast. some of us are too busy. some of us are pretending we "just forgot," but we are ignoring the warning signs that everything feels too-heavy. some of us are so consumed with anxiety or grief that we can't eat. some of us can't stand up long enough to make our coffee. some of us have no table to sit down and eat.

i cannot tell you what an artist "meant" by their choices. but they did have to make a choice, conscious or otherwise, to give you information. to give you a little bit more light. each of these choices are little stars of data; connecting speckles for you to weave through, drawing a line.

you cannot use a mirror in a dark room. for some of us; we will not care that the curtains are blue, because that will just be a data point and not enough light to see by. for some of us, the blue curtains will be the same as our childhood bedroom. it will make us seasick. for some of us, blue will be the color of frostbite. it might look like a pixel up close; but from a distance, oh! the picture blooms.

i cannot tell you what will stick out for you. what will carry meaning. some of you will read the sentence "i didn't have breakfast today" and say "this means nothing." some of you will read that and say "oh, me neither." some of you will say "this means the character is probably a little grouchy." some of you will say "oh, i wonder if they're okay. why didn't they eat anything?" ... art is a mirror. i am holding hands with you, over space and time, and asking you to feel something with me.

i want you to read my work and find a blue pair of curtains. i want you to read my work and find things in it that i never imagined placing. i have no way of knowing what will resonate with you, that's true. and maybe i just was hungry while i wrote this, and thinking about the eggs in my fridge. but if you found meaning, that meaning is yours. it cannot be erased just because i didn't "intend" it. you created a different world by interpreting my work. it's collaborative! that's beautiful! that's stunning!

just! imagine looking at the night sky and saying - it's stupid to have a favorite constellation or a favorite star. they're just there.

because here's the thing - across centuries and cultures, we look up. we still find meaning in the stars. these beautiful, lovely scattered accidents. are you looking? they call. and we look back and say oh! of course we are!

#this got away from me #but like #u know #reading is a form of creation #and sometimes the choice that the author makes might SEEM random #but it's like. bro that's telling u something.#also hate the vibe where authors/artists mock their audience for finding meaning in something #nahhhh #if u make art u need to be okay with people finding their own reflection in it

27K notes · View notes

herozdiary · 1 month

Text

Who’s the hot ass milk man?

Francis mosses x reader

A/N:My FIRST time writing about him!This fandom needed more tumblr fics as the ones on Ao3 are good besides the fact people are already making weird content about this man…ANYWAY!Enjoy!🎀

In this day and age you wouldn’t expect people to have their milk delivered still,But some people still saw it as a nice way to make quick money.The only reason you liked milkmen still being around was because one of them was fine like hell.

Everytime you saw him it made you wanna do a cartwheel.Francis was a very quiet person who only seemed to wanna get his job done with for the day.His tired eyes always displayed had this tired look in his eyes.

When you first met him you had to stop yourself for saying the most down bad sentence to him and kindly accept the milk.The cold bottle would just sit in the fridge until you needed it for something like making pancakes or cereal.

But you were always thankful to see francis.When he did talk it was addictive to hear.His tired voice made you think things that didn't need to be thought.

Sometimes if you were lucky enough he would flash you a small smile before walking back to his truck.You always wondered if he had a lover of some sorts.He seemed to be a normal dude who was good looking so you were shocked when he revelaed he was single.

You joked about how you were always open but in the truth was that you werent really joking and that you would always be open to date him.

"do other girls try to hit on you?"You had asked while checking him out as he shook his head."Not really.Most of them don't end up even answering the door."Francis stated while handing you the bottle.You gladly took it before clearing your throat.

"Would you be interested in dating someone"You ask while swirling the container of liquid around the bottle.Francis paused before shrugging."Never crossed my mind.I'm always so busy with work i never thought about a relationship"He said before checking his watch.

"as much as i would love to listen to your ways of trying to figure out my love life so you can ask me out,I have more people to get to"He said before waving you bye and turning to head to his truck.

You stood confused on your porch before fully getting what he said.You felt your face heat up as you shuffled back into your house.Even if you wanted to deny it,You knew it was true.As you sat the bottle down on the table you realized that something was written on it.

inspecting the bottle more you smiled as you realized it was a phone number and it was signed with the letter F.You smiled as you went to write it down on a piece of paper so you dont forget to send him a text later.

#not my neighbor #not my neighbor x reader #not my neighbor x you #the milkman #francis mosses x reader #francis mosses x you #fluff #x y/n #x reader #video game x reader

2K notes · View notes

ghostbeam · 1 year

Text

casual | dabi/touya todoroki

“My mom wants to meet you.”

It’s a sentence uttered as Touya pulls the T-shirt he’d discarded earlier (while he was pushing you toward your bed and sucking your tongue into his mouth) over his head. It comes as a shock, lying in your bed completely bare, still struggling to catch your breath. It shouldn’t make you feel excited in the way that it does, not when Touya has been more than clear about the nature of the relationship between the two of you. Nothing serious. No commitment.

Casual.

notes: hiiiii so this is just something I’ve been working on for a bittttt it’s inspired by causal by Chappell roan it’s nothing special but I just couldn’t get the idea out of my head so yeahhhh sorry for the severe lack of smut in a friends with benefits fic btw ahsjsjsjs thanks for reading hope u enjoy!!<3

warnings: 18+, minors dni, f!reader, explicit content, no quirk au, oral f!recieving, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, the todorokis are healing, dabi is called Touya throughout literally the entire thing

words: 4.1k

“My mom wants to meet you.”

Casual.

“What?” You aren’t sure how you should respond, or what the right answer is. He shrugs, buttoning his jeans.

“You don’t have to. Just promised her I’d ask.” He says, turning around to dig through your dresser. He pulls out one of the shirts he’s left there and a pair of underwear for you, tossing the items your way. You change, covering yourself up before moving to sit in the middle of the bed, legs tucked underneath you.

“You’ve been talking to her about me?” You question. You know it’s not what he wants to hear.

“I’ve mentioned you.” He tells you. He’s still standing, staring down at you. Your question should have been teasing, but you were sincere. You’ve met his siblings before. You know you’re not a secret to his family, but the mention of his mom feels entirely too serious. It makes you feel hopeful. You don’t want to feel hopeful.

“Oh, yeah?” You grin, your last ditch effort at turning this back on him, to show him that you can handle casual, that you like casual. He rolls his eyes.

“It’s not a big deal.” He shrugs. “She’s met all my friends.”

“Friends like me?” You ask him. You aren’t even sure what you mean by it. Touya was your friend long before the two of you had sex. That doesn’t really make you different from the others in any real way.

Touya is your friend. Sometimes, you wish he wasn’t.

“Friends like you…” He trails off. His eyes flicker from yours like he’s thinking about it. “No, I guess she hasn’t.”

You hum, nodding your head. You don’t want to read into what he could possibly mean by that. But, truthfully, Touya doesn’t have any friends like you.

“Whatever. I tell my mom about you. You write about me in your little diary.” He speaks, leaning down so he’s at eye level with you. He kisses you once, long and hard before pulling away. “We’ll call it even.”

He stands up straight, grabbing his keys from the top of your dresser and picking his jacket up from the floor on his way out of your bedroom. He turns back to wink at you once before disappearing through your doorway.

“It’s not a diary!” You call, but he only chuckles in response.

…

wear that one dress read 7:42am

the blue one with the flowers read 7:42am

does ur mom like blue? sent 7:43am

?? read 7:44am

no i like blue read 7:44am

and i like you in blue read 7:45am

ok maybe sent 7:45am

…

You do not wear the dress.

Touya chuckles when he sees you, like he knew you wouldn’t and opens the passenger side door for you. Your sweater is blue, though.

Rei lives near the shore in a house that’s all her own. Touya tells you that he and his siblings visit as much as possible, that his sister thinks she might get lonely out on her own, but he knows she enjoys the solitude. There’s a freedom to it, the choice. Touya can understand that.

The road is long, and once the two of you get out of the city, there’s not much to look at. You watch the weather change out the window, blue skies above slowly shift into damp overcast and Touya rests his hand on your thigh.

He’s done it more times than you can count. It’s not unusual for Touya to touch you. He’s clingy like that. But in the car, driving two hours out of the city to meet his mother, it feels different. It is different. You want to believe that.

She stands at the front door as the two of you pull in. Her presence is a surprise to you when you know Touya hadn’t used his phone once the entire car ride. She looks small, delicate, almost, with a strength that settles in her shoulders, her chin tilted up slightly. You see now, how much of her is in him.

“She does this every time,” Touya speaks. “I have no clue how she knows.”

“Mother’s intuition.” You shrug.

“It’s creepy.”

“I think it’s cool.” You say. He flicks your forehead.

“You would.” He squeezes your thigh once before getting out of the car. He jogs to your side and lets you out. You feel his hand brush against yours as he leads you up to the house, but he never intertwines your fingers like you wish he would.

Rei introduces herself warmly and embraces you in a tight hug. Touya has to bend down a bit to allow her to hold him around his shoulders. She ushers the two of you inside and runs a hand through Touya’s hair, murmurs something about a haircut, but he shakes her hand off of his head and insists that he keeps it this way because you like it. You’ve never told him you liked his hair before. But it’s enough to get Rei off of his back about it because she sends you a knowing smile as you follow her into the living room.

The visit is a standard one as far as meeting the parents goes. Touya’s favorite food has been prepared and the three of you eat as Rei asks you questions. She’s understanding when the topic of your future comes up and you aren’t sure how to answer. She’s engaged when you tell her about your hobbies. At some point, you forget you’re here with Touya until you’re reminded of his presence when you turn your head in his direction and notice an uncharacteristically soft expression on his face. It confuses you, and it makes your stomach flip. You can’t ignore the feeling of his eyes on you for the rest of the visit.

When Rei pulls out a photo album, Touya stands up and says he’s going outside to smoke. You know part of it is because of embarrassment, old photos of such a young innocent thing, him in matching clothes with Natsuo, photos of all his bad haircuts. You also know that part of it is that he’d rather not think about that time in his life, even though his father is cut out of all the photos Rei shows you.

Rei speaks after a while, flipping through the pages of the album, “you’re good for him.”

You don’t look at her, eyeing one of Touya’s school photos from long ago.

“What did he say I was…to him?” You question.

“A friend.” She speaks, “But I think it’s obvious that it’s more than that.”

“Not really. I am his friend. I mean, I’m not a girlfriend or anything like that.” You try to explain. “I can’t really be good for him.”

“I think you can. I think you are.” She continues to flip through the photo album, and you continue to check the back door in case Touya walks in on your conversation.

“It means a lot that you say that. I really care about him.” You admit it to her even though she already knows because it feels right to. You want her to know that you could love her son if he let you, that you would in a heartbeat. It’s just more complicated than that.

“I can tell you do. And he cares about you, too. He’s just stubborn.” She pauses. “And scared.”

“Yeah.” You sigh. “Me too.”

Touya walks through the door a moment later. “We should go soon. I wanna leave before it gets dark. And I don’t need you two spilling any more secrets about me to each other.”

You freeze for a moment, wondering if he heard your earlier exchange, but the teasing tilt of his voice tells you he didn’t.

You say goodbye to Rei, and she makes you both promise that you’ll visit her again soon. When she hugs you, firm and tight like before, you feel sad to go. Touya guides you to his car with a hand placed on the small of your back. He doesn’t open your door for you, but he holds your hand the entire way home.

…

should we open a cafe read 2:22pm

what sent 2:25pm

or a bookstore read 2:26pm

what are u talking abt sent 2:27pm

both at the same time read 2:28pm

???? read 2:28pm

u wanna be business partners on top of being sent 2:29pm

whatever this is sent 2:29pm

fuck buddies read 2:30pm

ew sent 2:30pm

dont call it that sent 2:30pm

lovers???? read 2:32pm

pls stop sent 2:33pm

what shld we name the cafe/bookstore read 2:34pm

?? read 2:40pm

…

“Touya!” You cry, head thrown against the foggy car window as he stares up at you from between your legs. You run one hand through his hair as he runs his tongue through your folds. You whine. “Oh, my god.”

He pulls away to let out a breathy laugh, eyes finding yours as he kisses your thighs. You shift your hips forward, missing his mouth against your cunt. It’s cramped in his car, your back uncomfortably pressed against the door. Touya’s contorted in a way that allows his long body to fit in the back seat with the door closed. His comfort is an afterthought while in between your thighs.

“Don’t stop.” You cry, wiggling your hips. He grins, bringing his hand up to run two fingers gently over your clit. It’s not enough. You can barely stand it.

“Poor baby.” He coos, rubbing agonizingly slow circles over your most sensitive spot. “Were you gonna come?”

“Fuck you.” You speak through clenched teeth, moving your hips to try and grind against his fingers.

“Not yet.” He teases, before attaching his lips to your cunt once more. His movements are hurried, making a mess of you in his backseat as he runs his tongue over your clit over and over again. You feel his hand reach up to grab your wrist, bringing it back to the top of his head. You tug on his hair, grinding against his face, understanding exactly what he wants from you. He groans against you, reaching down to touch himself through his jeans.

“I’m close!” You whine. Every flick of his tongue is controlled, his only goal being your pleasure. His fingers dig into one of your thighs, and the feeling of your hips twitching against him drives him insane.

“Come for me, baby.” Touya pleads, releasing his grip on your thigh and rubbing a soothing hand over the spot. “You look so fucking pretty when you come. Let me see it.”

With one last swipe of his tongue, you're pushed over the edge, legs shaking around his head as he continues movements against you. He pulls away, leaving kisses against your thighs, moving up over your stomach, your chest, your neck. He pulls you forward with one arm so that you're pressed against him.

“C’mere.” He whispers, pressing his lips tenderly to yours, far too sweet for casual. He slips his tongue into your mouth, and you reach down to touch him over his jeans. He bucks his hips up, letting out a moan against your lips, when his phone begins to ring. He ignores it, pulling away to kiss your neck. You thumb the button of his jeans open, reaching down to touch him again, when the ringing of his phone interrupts yet again. Touya lets out an annoyed sigh, reaching into his back pocket to pull the buzzing device out.

“What.” He speaks, voice laced with anger. When the voice on the other end of the line speaks, you know it’s Tomura.

Touya met Tomura a few years after he met you, and you liked him. You did, but he always found a way to get under Touya’s skin at the worst times. Every comment he makes about the relationship between the two of you leaves Touya with far too much to think about. It usually pushes him away from you for a week at most, replying to your messages with short answers, canceling plans. You figure that now that he’s picked up the phone, your fun in Touya’s backseat is over.

Touya speaks to Tomura as you pull your shirt back over your head, not bothering with your bra, just wanting to get dressed as quickly as possible. You search for your skirt, spotting it halfway underneath Touya while he tells Tomura he’s not free until Saturday night. You try to pull it out from under him, but it won’t budge.

“You’re sitting on my skirt.” You speak softly so you don’t interrupt his call. He notices immediately, lifting his hips for you to grab the piece of clothing. He mutters a quick sorry as you pull it over your legs, and you can hear Tomura question him over the phone.

“Huh? It’s no one.” He speaks, and though you know that you’re nothing more to Touya than a “friend” as he puts it, you hoped you were more to him than “no one”.

You pull your clothes on and exit the car, not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. The car sits on a ledge, high on some mountain that overlooks a lush forest below. Touya showed you this place years ago while you were still just friends, somewhere that was just his became yours together. Back then it meant a lot to you. Now you know it probably meant nothing to him.

Touya exits the car a couple of minutes after you, eyeing you as you stare down over the cliff. You don’t notice when he comes up beside you, a hand on your back. He says, “you okay?”

“Mhm.” You nod your head, hands crossed over your chest. “I’m tired. Can you take me home?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” He presses a kiss to your temple before walking towards the car. On your way home, when Touya’s hand begins to creep towards your thigh, you cross your legs and move your stare towards your window. When he drops you off at home, you don’t kiss him goodbye.

…

come over read 8:18pm

cant sent 8:30pm

why not read 8:31pm

im studying sent: 8:34pm

study here read 8:35pm

no sent 9:00pm

you’re distracting sent 9:00pm

…

what are you doing read 1:22pm

fuyumi wants me to invite you to lunch read 1:24pm

tell her im sorry but i have class right now sent 1:30pm

u dont have class right now read 1:32pm

?? read 1:32pm

…

where have you been read 11:11pm

i want you read 11:11pm

come over read 11:12pm

please read 11:12pm

wanna kiss you read 11:16pm

need u read 11:30pm

sorry read 10:02am

stole a bottle from natsuo read 10:03am

i wanna see you though read 10:20am

...

Touya texts…a lot.

Your excuses are weak, especially to the man who knows you better than anyone in the world, someone who’s committed your schedule to memory for the better part of two years. But you try because it hurts, because despite agreeing to casual, you cannot continue to pretend like you aren’t in love with Touya. And you can’t continue to pretend that he’s in love with you too.

You write a lot to try and process it all. You write in your “little diary” as he called it, page after page about him and his pretty eyes, and his stupid hair, and his fucking tongue. It’s hard not to miss him.

You screen most of his calls when you can get away with it, but he texts you after each one you miss. He has no problem with double, triple, quadruple texting you because it’s you. There’s no pressure to impress or feign disinterest with you. You know this isn’t about the sex. Touya wants his friend back.

Only the thing is, you can’t be his friend. Not now, not after crossing every single possible line with him. You’ve fallen for him. This much you can admit to yourself, but you’ll never admit it to him.

So your only option is distance, which hurts you just as much as it hurts him. You want to send him cats you see on the street. You want to ask him to see the newest horror film with you. You want to lay in his bed and trace the lines on his face and wake up with his head buried in your neck.

What you want is to be his girlfriend. You want him to love you back.

You don’t know if it’s worse to be with him or without him.

…

r you busy rn? read 5:44pm

yeah sent 5:45pm

ok read 5:45pm

…

There’s a knock at your door at six pm on the dot while you’re thirty-seven pages deep into some cheesy romance novel you picked up to try and mend your broken heart, fill the void that you created by pushing your best friend (and the love of your life) away.

It doesn’t help that you’re wearing one of his shirts.

You open your door and peek through the crack. Touya stands there with a six-pack in one hand and the leather jacket he knows you love on him so much hung effortlessly over his shoulders. Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him. He looks like a model and you’re wearing his T-shirt.

He doesn’t say hello, just pushes his way through and kicks his annoyingly loud boots off, setting them by the door. He places the six-pack on the counter before muttering, “Cute shirt.”

He’s teasing you. You want to strangle him.

“What are you doing here?” You ask him, an annoyed huff leaving your lips as you cross your arms over your chest as if it’ll hide the shirt that he’s already noticed.

“Um, well.” He shrugs, strolling over to your couch where you left your romance novel and fuzzy blanket. He picks the book up and looks at you. “You know, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” You stomp towards him, snatching the book out of his hands. “You’re the worst. Why don’t you ever say what you actually mean.”

You know why, though. Because Touya is unknowable, or at least he thinks himself to be. That’s why he doesn’t tell you anything real but allows you to see his apartment, allows you to see him naked with all of his scars and make love to him with the lights on. He won’t say that he loves you, but he’ll leave you thirty missed calls and show up at your apartment when he doesn’t get an answer. He won’t say that he’s worried, but he is. You know that he is because you’re the only person who’s ever really known him, even before the sex. Touya has always been yours. If Touya thinks you know nothing, at the very least he thinks you know this.

“Yeah.” He says. “You know, it’s funny cause, all of a sudden my best friend stopped talking to me. Not exactly not talking because she does answer my texts, still. Sometimes she answers my calls, but not really. But, I haven’t seen her in person in weeks. I miss her, and her stupid face, and her giant comfy couch.”

“Touya–” You begin to speak, but you don’t even know what you’re going to say. You’re definitely not going to explain yourself. You’re not going to confess to him wearing his t-shirt like some sad ex-girlfriend.

“Where did you go?” He asks. His voice breaks and it's like a blade in your heart. “Did I do something? Did I say something?”

“I didn’t go anywhere, Touya. I’m here. I’m here, I just–” you pause, trying to find the words to explain it all. “I don’t think we can do this anymore.”

“Do what?” He asks, but it doesn’t sound like a question. He knows what’s coming.

“Sleeping together. I don’t–I can’t–” You try again, but it’s fucking hard to talk to him. You want to kiss him. You want to fall into his arms. You want him to make you forget.

“Done.” He says. He doesn’t hesitate, and it hurts. “We can stop, we can–I just want you back. I want you with me. We can be just friends again, but please, please don’t leave.”

Tears fill your eyes at his words. He’s finally talking to you, finally saying something real, baring his soul, and you can’t tell him that you’ll stay. You love him so much, but you’re selfish.

“We can’t be friends either.” You choke, staring at the floor. If you look into his eyes, you’ll break.

“Why?” He shakes his head, “Talk to me, what’s happening? What changed?”

“Why do you care so much, Touya? I thought I was no one.” The words leave your lips before you can stop them.

“When did I say that?” He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember and it’s the one thing you’ve been agonizing over for weeks.

“What is it about Tomura that makes you shut down around me?” You ask him. Realization falls across his face. “Every time you talk to him you…pull away. I don’t know what to do with that.”

“I don’t pull away.” He argues.

“You do.”

“Is that what you’re doing? You’re trying to get back at me or something?”

“I’m trying to fucking–get over you!”

There’s nothing but silence after your confession. Your eyes fall closed in defeat, admitting the one thing you never wanted him to know.

“I can’t do casual. I am not casual. I tried to be cool. I was really good at it for a while, but now it just hurts.” You speak, voice shaking as you gain the courage to say everything you need to. “The thing is, I love you. And not how I’ve always loved you. I’m in love with you. So it sucks when, you know, I know you’re not in love with me.”

“Who told you I’m not in love with you?” He asks.

“You’re mean.” You say, glaring at him for the unnecessary question. No one told you. You just know. “It’s obvious.”

“Yeah? Is it?” He asks. “You think I bring anyone to meet my mom? You have half of my wardrobe here. You have a toothbrush and all of your stupid skincare shit at mine. I hold your hand in public. I text you good morning and shit.”

“So that means you’re in love with me?”

“Fuck, I thought it did.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. His roots are grown out, you notice. Have you really been gone that long?

“I don’t understand.” Touya is in love with you. Is that what he’s getting at?

“I love you.” He shakes his head, remembering your words from earlier. Not how I’ve always loved you. “I’m in love with you. That’s–Tomura knows. He knew it before I did. He says some dumb shit about it every time I talk about you, and it scares me, so I pull away. I didn’t know it felt like this. I’m fucking miserable.”

“When did you know?” You ask.

“Honestly? I think I always have been. I think that’s why I brought up sleeping together. I wanted to be closer to you without all of the commitment. But it was when you came to dinner that time when my dad showed up.” He walks toward you slowly as he speaks. He’s becoming more sure of himself, open. He’s done hiding. “And when we left, you were so fucking angry. You just ranted about him the whole way home, and it clicked. We were at a stop light and you were moving your hands all around and I thought ‘fuck, please don’t fall in love with this girl’, but it was too late and I knew it.”

“I think this is the most you’ve ever said to me.” You say dumbly. Touya just confessed his love to you and this is what you say?

“That’s not true. I never shut up. You know that. You tell me that all the time.”

“I mean–not, like, about music, or books, or someone who came into work. I mean real, raw, ‘fuck, don't fall in love with this girl’ shit.” You explain, a sly grin falling across your lips.

“You’re a dick.” He chuckles, wrapping his fingers around one of your wrists, and dragging you toward him.

“Yeah, but you’re in love with me.” You shrug, smiling up at him.

“Yeah, I really fucking am.” He says before he leans down to kiss you. It feels right, familiar. It is like all of the others because there’s always been love. It’s always been there. He’s always been yours. Touya knows you know this. “Please don’t…pull away again.”

“Okay.” You agree, resting your forehead against his.

“Cause I’m just gonna chase after you.”

“Yeah? Gonna show up at my apartment with beer I don’t like?” You tease, and he rolls his eyes.

“Fuck you.” He says with absolutely no venom behind it.

“Yeah, maybe you should.” You grin.

#dabi x reader #dabi x female reader #touya todoroki x reader #touya todoroki x female reader #bnha x reader

7K notes · View notes