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cloudbersoo · 10 months

Text

would you mind?｜zhang hao

synopsis: how to get over a guy you didn’t even date in ten easy steps with the help of zhang hao.

tags: zhang hao x gn!reader, acquaintances to lovers, university au, fluff, slight angst, y/n likes someone else at the beginning, y/n is very drunk, making out when drunk, shy!hao, bestie!matthew has no filter, roommate!taerae, hanbin keeps laughing, what did jiwoong do though? y/n overthinks a little sometimes, mentions of sex and implied sex but no explicit smut! (im a minor and can’t write smut for the life of me)

word count: 6k (how did this get so long?)

a/n: this is my first fic in like six years and the first in english altogether! idk how to feel about this one but i thought to post it anyway. writing this honestly made me respect fanfic writers so much more, it really isn’t easy! this took me like five days to make. not sure how often i’ll be doing this but i enjoyed writing a lot. sorry for any grammar errors or such, i proofread this a couple of times, but my english isn’t perfect, so some mistakes might go past me. anyway, thanks and sorry! enjoy reading!

my playlist while writing: in bloom & new kidz on the block by zb1, cream soda & private party by exo, roller coaster & party o’clock by nmixx !!

i. drink your feelings away

“finally you’re here” matthew mumbled in his slightly drunken stage, leaning onto a wall as you closed the door behind you. you could hear the music and people’s chatter coming from the living room. the smell of alcohol was also very strong, especially on your friend. you wished you could just turn back and go home. you were way too miserable to party right now but the sweet smile matthew was giving you was making you stay. you couldn’t possibly disappoint your best friend on his special day.

“yeah, sorry for being late” you finally answered to the birthday boy as you handed out your gift with a forced smile. “happy birthday matt.”

he took the bottle of wine and chuckled. “thank you y/n” he said, looking at the bottle of his favourite. “for this and for coming tonight” he continued as he raised his gaze to you apologetically.

“of course” you uttered, trying your best to convince your friend you wanted to be here, as if you didn’t just think about leaving two seconds ago. your convincing didn’t seem to be working as matthew sighed. matthew put down the bottle and walked in front of you. he examined your face for a while before he embraced you in a hug. “he didn’t deserve you anyway” he whispered close to your ear.

right.

jaemin.

the guy who broke your heart just a few days ago. he didn’t mean to, you suppose. he just didn’t realise you were totally in love with him when he introduced you to his partner of three years. how stupid could you be?

you held your tiers in at the mention of him. not today. you can cry about it later.

you embraced your friend for a while as you collected yourself. “you know what matt?” You finally spoke as you made eye contact with him. matthew hummed, looking at you with anticipation.

“i’m going to have fun tonight.”

ii. embarrass yourself

about five bottles of soju and a couple beers later you were completely out of it. you were somewhere in matthew’s apartment, kitchen or living room, you were not entirely sure. laying on the cold floor with zero thoughts of your shattered heart. you felt at peace. your peace, however, didn’t last long as it was eventually broken by a familiar voice calling your name.

“y/n? you okay down there?” the voice asked with amusement. you opened your eyes and were met with hanbin’s gaze from above you. he must have found your state hilarious as he bursted out laughing.

you got up from the floor with difficulty and flopped next to him on the couch. “never been better” you mumbled to your friend with a relaxed smile. you started making yourself comfortable and leaned your head on hanbin’s shoulder. what you failed to notice in your drunken state was the other person sitting on the couch. the one you were currently cuddling up to.

“hao” your friend started. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen y/n so wasted” hanbin laughed with tears in his eyes.

what.

suddenly, you were too aware of your surroundings, like there was no alcohol in your system anymore. you quickly got up and saw that hanbin was not in fact the person you had leaned into. the person sitting next to you was hanbin’s good friend, zhang hao. the boy’s face flushed as he looked at your shocked face.

oh my god.

you were not that familiar with zhang hao. you knew he was good friends with hanbin and matthew. he was from the music department just like your roommate taerae, and you were pretty sure he played the violin. he was reserved and quiet, and definitely not the most fond of you (even though your friends have tried to convince you otherwise). a friend of a friend. that’s what he was. not someone who you could comfortably cuddle with. this is so embarrassing.

“i’m so sorry!” you quickly blurted out as you hid your face behind your palms. you could still hear hanbin’s laugh as you were thinking about your way out of the situation.

“it’s o-okay” zhang hao managed to stutter. you were in too deep thought to hear what the boy in front of you was saying. you searched for your other friend in the crowd. it’s time for me to leave. as you found matthew by the balcony with a girl, you turned back to the men on the couch. “i’m just gonna go!” you quickly said to prevent any more embarrassment and made your way to your best friend.

he saw you coming from afar and smirked at you. “you’ve definitely enjoyed yourself” matthew said delightfully. oh. he definitely saw everything.

“you saw nothing” you bit back and leaned onto your friend as the alcohol started to kick back in again. “i’m going home” you continued. could you even walk straight? no. but you could just call your roommate to meet you halfway.

“in this state? no you’re not” the boy slurred just as drunk as you were. he wrapped his arm around your shoulder in an attempt to keep you from leaving. you were glad your friend cared about your safety even when he was drunk. his company, however, was not enjoying the sight in front of her and you could tell you had interrupted something.

“i’ll call taerae to pick me up, don’t worry.” you assured your friend. “i’ll leave you two alone now.” you gave a smile to the girl and mouthed “sorry” as you left the two before matthew could protest any further.

iii. make a foolish choice

walking down four sets of stairs with your hands occupied by your phone was a challenge. you somehow made it though and were trying to contact your roommate. he was not answering. where is he? your apartment wasn’t that far from matthew’s but the darkness was creeping you out a little. you sent a quick text to taerae, saying you were coming home before you started your journey.

you had made it past a couple turns when you started feeling like someone was following you. you’re just being paranoid, that's all. but the feeling only grew stronger as you clearly heard footsteps behind you. you were already walking as fast as you could in your state. is this the end? “i’m gonna die-”

“y/n,” you quickly turned around to the familiar voice.

zhang hao.

“oh it’s just you” you said as you relaxed until it hit you. zhang hao. the reason why you had run away from the party in the first place. your surprise finally showed on your face, which zhang hao found amusing.

"sorry if I scared you” he let out an airy laugh while awkwardly standing in front of you. for some reason you had never really looked at the boy. he was tall and his hair was still styled nicely even after a long day. he was wearing a light blue button up shirt with black jeans that seemed way out of your price range. there was something about the way he was looking at you under the glow of the streetlights. he was looking at you with stars in his eyes, like there was no one else but the two of you in the world. the sight of him almost made your heart skip a beat. he had a few moles on his face, one right under his eye and another on his cheek that you wish you could kiss right now. has he always been this pretty?

no. why is he here?

he tried to give you a reassuring smile as he took a step closer. “you shouldn’t walk alone at this hour, it’s not safe for you.” he continued like he had just read your mind.

“so you think I'm safe with you?” you asked, slightly teasing. it was definitely the alcohol speaking.

the boy’s eyes widened in shock and he opened his mouth to say something but failed. “well- I mean” zhang hao finally responded with panic, not quite sure what he was supposed to say. you couldn’t hold your giggles which seemed to ease his nerves. his figure seemed to relax as he walked past you. “my apartment isn’t that far from yours, so we can just walk together. it’s safer for both of us.” zhang hao finished.

lies. you’ve once picked hanbin up from his apartment and it's nowhere near yours. however, zhang hao didn’t need to know that you knew. you wouldn’t mind walking home with him even if the two of you weren’t that close, because he was right – this was safer (not because he suddenly made you think of things you haven't before).

so, the two of you continued walking towards your place. zhang hao didn’t say much as you walked, only telling you to be more careful as you almost stumbled to the ground. he also decided to hold you up from your waist from that point on – which you definitely didn’t mind. he didn’t seem to mind either as there was no signs of annoyance that you would’ve except from zhang hao in this situation.

“we’re here” he said as the two of you stood in front of your apartment building. you really didn’t want him to go. you really didn’t want to be alone at all. because you knew the moment you were alone again you’d break down again and cry about the guy who broke your heart. just for this one night, you wished not to cry yourself to sleep. maybe it was foolish of you to ask zhang hao of all people to comfort you, but right now you couldn’t think of anything else.

“would you like to come in?”

“do you need help to get to your door?”

you both had talked at the same time. you broke eye contact as the two of you chuckled. so he didn’t want to leave yet either? as it got quiet again you decided to look at the boy again. zhang hao seemed hesitant as he studied your face. then he smiled at you as he said “if that’s what you need.”

iv. get cockbocked by a roommate

some might find the silence between you and zhang hao awkward, but you found it soothing. he was drinking the water you had given him as you sat on the kitchen counter. he looked even more handsome up close. the way he was leaning onto the counter and the way he was looking at you. oh, how much you wished to make him yours tonight. would he mind?

your mind stopped wandering as the boy put down his glass on the sink. “i should probably go and let you sleep” he said quietly as he stood in front of you. he was incredibly close to you, his hand on your knee, his nose almost touching yours – like he didn’t want to leave. you couldn’t help but lower your gaze to his lips. they were pink and puffy, slightly wet like they were waiting to be kissed. you looked back to zhang hao’s eyes but they didn’t meet yours. he was doing the same thing – staring at your lips.

maybe you were going to regret it. maybe this wasn’t right, kissing your friends’ friend. but you couldn’t possibly think about any of that as you leaned in.

his lips felt as soft as they looked. it took a moment for zhang hao to realise what was happening but eventually he kissed you back. his left hand landed on your cheek as his right hand went up your thigh. the kiss deepened as you put your hands around the boy's neck, pulling him closer to you. you don’t remember the last time you have been kissed like this. he was driving you insane and you wished he’d never stop.

“y/n?” you hear a voice say at the door.

taerae.

you and zhang hao froze before you rapidly let go of each other. sleepy taerae rubbed his eyes walking into the kitchen as you tried to calm your beating heart. so he didn’t answer because he was asleep. you took a look at zhang hao who’s blush was prominent even in the dark. “when did you get home?” your roommate asked as he yawned.

“zhang hao walked me, i was just giving him some water before he left.” you blurted out an excuse, which wasn’t inherently a lie – taerae didn’t need to know what happened after that. your sleepy roommate didn’t look suspicious and seemed to buy it. “he was actually just about to leave.” you took another look at zhang hao, trying to get him to say something.

“yeah, i’ll just get going then.” he said, bid taerae goodbye, and was out of the apartment in mere minutes.

fuck.

v. overthink your life choices

lunch used to be your favourite time of the day, mostly because you used to share it with jaemin all the time. matthew barely ever had time to eat lunch with you, which is how you got to know jaemin in the first place. the two of you clicked instantly and you thought there was something between you. how wrong you were. the past week you have been distancing yourself from jaemin and he hasn't been asking after you. you really meant nothing to him in the end. even now he’s just a few tables away loudly debating about something with his group of friends, completely unaware of the effect he has had on you.

taerae’s giggles seem to wake you from your slumber. you moved your gaze from jaemin to your roommate. he was laughing over a video hanbin had just shown him. “what is jiwoong doing?” he managed to say between giggles.

“speaking of the devil” hanbin said as he waved past your shoulder. jiwoong walked to your table with zhang hao next to him, which was odd as the two of you’ve had a similar relationship with the chinese boy up until a few days ago (unless jiwoong had also been making out with him recently). “what did i do?” jiwoong questioned his friends as he placed his lunch on the table.

“nothing, nothing. where’s matthew?” hanbin said as he hid his phone with a grin.

“he’s on a date” you said nonchalantly. everyone at the table suddenly turned their heads towards you. they had totally forgotten you were even there as you had spent most of your break staring at a certain someone. you should get your shit together.

“oh right, zhang hao! thanks for walking y/n home the other night.” taerae said as zhang hao sat next to hanbin. well shit. you hadn’t told anyone of what had happened with zhang hao after matthew’s party. you hadn’t even talked to zhang hao since then. you felt awful that you had tried to use him to forget about someone else, and then kicked him out as your roommate found the two of you. you weren’t sure how you were supposed to even bring it up to him when you were never alone with him anyway.

“you walked her home?” hanbin questioned as he turned his head to his left where zhang hao was sitting. the boy only gave his friend a small nod as he dug into his food. his aura seemed so different in the daylight. his hair wasn’t styled like at the party, it was a bit all over the place. the way he stuffed his mouth full of food made him look cute. his cheeks were slightly pink with blush. while observing the boy, you had completely missed the teasing smile on hanbin’s face.

how were you supposed to talk to him? thanks for walking me home and making out with me in my kitchen. does he even want to talk about it? the two of you had seen each other around campus a couple times since then and he hasn't tried to talk to you once. maybe all of it was just a spur of the moment thing for him that he now wished to forget about.

you sighed as you decided it was your time to leave for class. there was no way you were going to talk to zhang hao now anyway, not in front of all your friends. “my lecture is starting soon, i’ll go now.” you said as you stood up. taking your things with you and hearing people say their goodbyes, you were on your way.

“wait, are we just going to ignore the fact that matthew is on a date?” you could hear jiwoong ask behind you.

vi. get help

“so…” matthew said in a teasing tone as he sat across from you at the library.

“so, what?” you questioned, like you had no idea what your best friend was referring to. well, in your defence, you never knew with matthew, but you had a feeling this conversation topic started with a z and ended with hang hao. “you and hao?” he continued, just like you had anticipated, raising his eyebrows.

“what about me and zhang hao?” you continued, acting clueless in the hopes of him dropping the conversation.

“after what i saw at my birthday party and then hearing he walked you home, i hoped the two of you worked out the weird tension between you two and finally fucked” your friend blurted out in a very matthew way, like it was the most obvious conclusion to come to in the world.

“we did not!” you raised your voice a little too much as you tried to defend yourself. you got a few judging stares from the people around you who were trying to study. something you were supposed to do as well, instead of having this conversation about zhang hao. “we didn’t fuck…” you continued more quietly. there was no reason for you to lie to your best friend. not when you could use his help.

“but you were going to?” he gave you a knowing look.

“well yeah, but then taerae woke up and i panicked and i kinda kicked zhang hao out-” you started rambling. wait. “how did you know we almost fucked? did he talk to you? what did he say? does he totally hate me now?” you continued like you were going to lose your mind. and now matthew was laughing at you, trying his best to stay quiet.

“i haven’t talked to anyone, except hanbin, he’s just as convinced there’s something going on between you and hao as i am” your friend finally spoke. if only you knew what was going on between the two of you. you sighed and hit your head on the table. “what’s the problem y/n? you know, you could just text him and ask him" matthew said.

“i don’t have his number” you mumble in despair.

“what? how can you not have his number?” matthew asked, confused.

“why would i? was i supposed to ask for it when we were making out or something?” you said as you lifted your head from the table, looking at your friend who definitely didn’t need to hear any more details of that night.

matthew took his phone out of his pocket, and gave it to you after a moment. “here, take his number and text him”

vii. become friends

you were currently sitting down at a park you had agreed to meet with zhang hao. matthew was able to convince you it was better to sort things out with zhang hao sooner than later. but now that you were here, waiting for the guy, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. it was warm as summer was finally coming and you felt like you were sweating buckets. was it the weather or your nerves – you were not quite sure.

“hi, did you have to wait long?” you hear a familiar voice from your left and see zhang hao’s figure coming towards you. he waved at you while giving you a sweet smile. damn. he’s so pretty.

“oh no, not at all” you answered, trying to give the boy a smile to hide your nervousness.

“what did you want to talk about?” zhang hao said calmly as he sat down next to you. unlike the other night, now he had left much space between the two of you. he didn’t seem nervous at all, which made you feel uneasy. maybe this wasn’t as big of a deal for him as it was for you.

“at matt’s party, i’m sorry for being such a mess and dragging you into it” you decided to tell him. “i had a few too many drinks that night.” you took a look at zhang hao. he seemed surprised, maybe a little hurt as he tried to get comfortable on the bench. was that not the right thing to say? “i mean, i probably made you uncomfortable and then i rushed you out of my place when taerae woke up, it was super rude of me to-” you were starting to ramble.

“i wasn’t uncomfortable” he cut you off. he finally turned to look at you again “i wouldn’t have come in if i was.” there was the look again, making your heart beat louder on your chest. he was looking at you like he did under the streetlights, like you were the only person in the world that mattered. you wouldn’t mind getting lost in his eyes. “so don’t be too sorry, i enjoyed it as long as it lasted.” he gave you a shy smile.

oh.

this was the first time the boy had made you blush, usually it was the other way around. you broke eye contact to hide your shyness from him. “cool, cool” you started quite awkwardly. “we should probably be casual about all this, since we're friends and all…”

“we’re friends now? i’m cool with that” zhang hao replied with amusement.

“i mean, we’ve known each other long enough to call us that, i guess” you tried to reason, not realising your friend was only teasing you. as you turned your gaze back to him you saw him still smiling at you. this man will be the death of me. “well that’s that. sorry i can’t stay longer, i have places to be. bye zhang hao.” you said as you got up from the bench. you had nowhere to be, but you couldn’t possibly handle being in zhang hao’s presence any longer.

“bye friend!” he yelled after you still with a teasing tone.

viii. feel nothing

you and your new friend zhang hao have gotten along well since your talk at the park. nothing has changed that much, except now you greet each other at campus, engage in conversation together, and sometimes share memes with each other. you have tried to convince matthew that you and zhang hao are really just friends and nothing more. matthew just can’t help himself when he teases you with kissy noises every time you interact with zhang hao. he’s the only other person that knows about your little secret. even hanbin doesn’t know, because if he did — everyone would.

you were finally finished with your last class of the day, walking out of your department building. you felt at ease as everything in your life was finally going well. you were able to sort things out with zhang hao, you weren’t particularly struggling with any classes, and you were barely thinking about him, who shall not be named.

as if on cue, there he was standing a few meters away from you. jaemin. he wasn’t alone though, as he was having a conversation with someone. you couldn’t quite tell what the two were talking about, not that really even mattered to you. contrary to popular belief, your heart no longer ached at the sight of him. you continued your journey with no intent to interact with jaemin, at least not until you realised who exactly he was talking with. when you were close enough you could recognize the other man’s voice.

what was zhang hao doing with jaemin? the sight in front of you felt really odd, but you couldn’t possibly look away. zhang hao almost towered over jaemin, paying attention to what the latter was talking about. he was wearing glasses that complimented his face well. one of his sleeves was rolled up revealing his toned arm. he looked so mesmerising, you couldn't help but stare.

it didn’t take long for you to be caught staring as jaemin called out your name. “wow it’s been so long. how have you been?” he asked happily as you took a few steps closer to the two. zhang hao was surprised to see you, his gaze moving between you and jaemin. his face filled with worry made you think he must have heard about jaemin and you from someone (definitely not from hanbin). you gave zhang hao a reassuring smile as you greeted jaemin, who was ready to embrace you in a hug.

“i’ve been well” you sounded a little awkward as the two of you let go. an act that used to make your heart do backflips no longer felt like anything. “what were you two talking about? i didn’t know you even knew each other.” you asked out of curiosity as you stood next to zhang hao, who suddenly put his arm around your shoulder. you turned your head towards your friend, trying to understand what he was up to.

“we’ve shared a few classes here and there” zhang hao said as he turned his head to face you. he was so close to you again, making your heart beat louder on your chest. “you’re ready to go?” he continued. you could only show your confusion on your face as you didn’t trust your voice to say anything at the close proximity. “dinner? remember?” he gave you a wink.

what? you were completely lost. what was this man talking about?

“oooh, date night?” jaemin cooed in front of you. he took his headphones out of his back and put them over his ears. “i won't waste your time anymore then. y/n we should totally catch up sometime!” he didn’t wait for your response before he left.

you and zhang hao stayed close to each other in silence for a while. you wondered if he could hear the way your heart was beating for him. you tried to look for answers from his face but to no avail. finally, zhang hao moved and removed his hand off of you, what had felt like way too soon. “sorry” he said as he stood in front of you. “you must have felt awkward seeing him” he continued, scratching the back of his neck.

“did you do all that to get rid of him? i’m fine, i don’t like him like that anymore” you felt the need to clarify to him.

“oh” he said, blush breaking to his face and neck. “well, i was getting tired of him anyway” he excused and removed his gaze from you to hide his embarrassment. you thought he looked the cutest whenever he got shy or embarrassed.

your laugh seemed to peak his interest again, as he turned his gaze back on you. your blushing face, matching his own. a comfortable silence fell between you again. ”just friends huh?” you could hear matthew’s teasing voice in your head.

“y/n?” zhang hao eventually spoke. you hummed as a response, waiting him to carry on. “have you eaten yet?” the boy continued hesitantly.

“no, not yet” you answered truthfully, not quite sure where the conversation was going. zhang hao stayed quiet for a while. he was nervously shifting on his place, turning his face away from you once again. he was trying to find the right way to ask you.

“would you like to go out for dinner then?” he asked carefully.

“sure!” you answered enthusiastically. you were starving at this point and wouldn’t mind spending some time with friends as well. “who else is coming?”

“well, i thought it could be just us…” the boy responded, still not daring to look at you.

oh.

“oh! that works too. sure. yeah.” you replied, definitely not embarrassed that you didn’t get the hint right away. “does indian sound good to you? i’m craving butter chicken” you continued, trying to move the conversation onwards, while your heart kept beating hard against your chest.

“if that’s what you want, it’s good with me” zhang hao said and the two of you started your way out of campus, both a blushing mess.

ix. feel everything

you were not entirely sure what to think. had you just been on a date? zhang hao didn’t explicitly call it that, but it surely had felt like one. the dinner went smoothly, it didn’t feel awkward and the two of you were able to talk to each other comfortably. he constantly smiled at you and asked you questions about your life, putting the effort into getting to know you. he even insisted on paying for your meal in the end.

you got to know things about him as well, as zhang hao no longer felt shy talking to you. he’s an only child and very close with his mom. he chose to play the violin, because it’s much easier to carry around compared to a cello. him and jiwoong have gotten closer lately because jiwoong had asked him to help him with a song he has been working on. he also revealed that he was glad that the two of you have gotten closer, which made you question things even more.

you were walking to your apartment in silence, completely sober this time. zhang hao had insisted on walking you home again, “as a man should” he had said. the way his hand was accidentally brushing against yours every once in a while was giving you butterflies in your stomach. you were not entirely sure if the man next to you even realises how much of an effect he had on you. you weren’t walking that fast because you really didn’t want the night to end.

must to your dismay, you ended up in front of your apartment building. it felt like deja vu, standing in front of him again. you didn’t want zhang hao to leave, but you weren’t sure if it was appropriate to invite him in. you couldn't hide behind the confidence alcohol had given you last time. you didn't know what to say, so you settled on just staring at his face, completely mesmerised. he was doing the same, his gaze wandering on your face, like he was trying to remember each little detail of you.

“i should…” zhang hao started, now looking straight into your eyes. “i should probably go now” he continued, not at all convincing. he made no effort to move, which finally gave you the confidence to talk. it won’t hurt to ask, right?

“i could offer you a glass of water before you go” you said, tearing your gaze away, still slightly scared of what he might answer. “you know, taerae’s not home tonight…” you added. as you heard no answer from the boy, you hesitantly took a look at him. he was smiling at you again, the way he had been all dinner.

zhang hao took a step closer, raising his hand to hold your chin, making you hold eye contact with him. he lowered his gaze slowly to your lips, looking at you like you were someone to be desired. “you sure?” he finally spoke in a lower voice, still staring at your lips. you could only hum in response. and then he leaned in to kiss you.

his lips were soft, but he pushed them hard against yours. he tasted like cherries as you kissed him back. the kiss deepened quickly as his tongue pushed past your lips. his arms lowered to your hips, pulling you closer, as you put yours behind his neck, playing with his hair. you didn’t stop until you both were almost running out of air.

zhang hao let out an airy laugh. “i’ve wanted to do that for a while” he confessed, your arms still tangled around each other. he was looking at you with so much adoration.

“yeah? me too” you smiled, your cheeks slightly pink. you let go of the boy to open the door to your apartment building. he held onto your arm as the two of you walked towards the elevator. you turned to look at zhang hao, who’s cheeks were a shade of pink as well. he noticed you staring and gave you another sweet smile. the door finally opened, and he couldn’t even wait till you got to your apartment, as he stole another kiss from you as you entered the elevator.

“i honestly thought you didn’t like me at all” you admitted to him as you parted from the kiss.

“that’s what hanbin always told me” zhang hao answered, now with a pout on his lips. “i was just too shy to talk to you, you’re like the most gorgeous person i’ve ever laid my eyes on” he continued, no longer daring to look you in the eye. even he seemed a little surprised by his sudden confession.

oh.

you’ve received compliments before, but hearing one from zhang hao felt different. your cheeks heated up again, and you could feel your excitement all the way down on your stomach. you wanted him so badly, you could only wish he felt the same way. when the elevator stopped, you decided to quickly peck the boy's cheek before you dragged him to your apartment.

once the door to your apartment closed behind you, you were all over each other. his lips connected with yours as your arms roamed all over your bodies. you couldn’t get enough of him, wanting him even closer to you. you stumbled over to your bedroom, where you gave him one more kiss before backing away.

zhang hao looked at you with concern. “are you okay?” he asked while still holding you closely.

“yeah, i just- i want to make sure you want this as much i do” you answered, studying his face for any signs of regret or hesitation.

“i really like you y/n, and i want this more than you think” he admitted. he detached one of his hands from you to remove his glasses out of the way, putting them down to your nightstand. he lowered his hand on your cheek, cherishing it gently. “let me show you just how much you mean to me.”

so you let him, as you kissed him again.

x. fall in love

you were still out of breath as you cuddled up to zhang hao’s bare body. he wrapped his hand around you and squeezed you closer to him, twirling your hair with his fingers. you laid your head against his chest, drawing circles on his toned body, sighing with content. you felt zhang hao’s lips against your forehead, giving you a peck after peck. the act made you giggle, turning your gaze to him.

“what?” you asked.

“nothing, i’m just really happy” he answered, giving you one more kiss on your lips. he looked at you with so much love and warmth, which made you feel like you were dreaming. you couldn’t help but wonder what made you deserve to meet someone like zhang hao. no one has made you feel this good in such a long time, if ever. suddenly, very overwhelmed with your feelings, you hid your face on the crook of his neck.

you felt zhang hao’s chest vibrate from the laughter he let out. “cute” he whispered quietly, mostly to just himself, cherishing your head again. you got comfortable again, almost falling asleep in his embrace. his breath also evening out as he was slowly drifting away to sleep too.

“i really like you too, zhang hao” you sleepily mumbled against his skin, before the two of you fell into dreamland together.

- end

bonus:

“why do you always call me zhang hao?”

“maybe because it’s your name??”

“yes, but everyone calls me hao. you’re the only one who calls me zhang hao”

“oh”

“well, hao, i’ll call you that from now on”

the boy’s face flushed red as he finally heard you say his name.

“oh my god, you’re so cute!”

he turns his face to hide his blush from you.

“shut up”

#zb1 #zerobaseone #zhang hao #zhanghao #zb1 x reader #zb1 zhang hao #zhang hao fic #zb1 fluff #zb1 fics #zerobaseone zhang hao #zhang hao x reader #kpop #cloudbersoofic

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autisticlancemcclain · 7 months

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fic rec friday 42

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

The Wrath of Kzhan by Oh_Contrary

A mission goes terribly wrong when Lance and Pidge are betrayed by their would-be allies. Now Pidge is injured and it's up to Lance to get her to safety-- But can he do so in time to save her? And even if he does, who's going to save him?

pidge & lance fic? ft. bamf protective lance? focus on platonic/sibling love? i got u guys. hard angst with a lot of fear but heavy fluff and comfort at the end, and a very interesting and intentional plot!

2. Lion Heart by ErinWantsToWrite

Lance can't remember. He doesn't know where he is, why he's on this strange planet- yeah a planet that isn't earth- he's just fourteen! Why was he here? Where was his mom? His big sister? Why was this giant, mechanical, blue lion comforting him? Why were these people talking to him through a helmet, even if he couldn't answer? How does he get out of this suit-Who are those purple dudes outside of the lion?

i will always always ALWAYS have the softest of soft spots for de-aged lance. its gotta be one of the top three plot devices fr. oh? lance doesnt know how to be his true self around his team? and his team doesnt know how to understand him yet? here is an easy and fun to read solution 😊

3. Hide and Seek by @zipadeea

“We can’t say blue, I’m already blue. It would just get confusing.” “You go out of your way to make our lives confusing, Lance.” “Memes save lives, Keith. That’s all you need to know.” The story of how Voltron got its official Code Blue for medical emergencies. And the five times the paladins use it.

this fic is pretty evenly centered around all the team, but shiro lovers im calling u rn. the last scene with keith and lance and shiro actually made me want to curl up and sob in the best possible way i thought it about it for days after

4. Up the river by @zipadeea

Lance falls in a river on a strange planet, and gets stranded up the river with an even stranger kid. He's getting pretty tired of waiting for his friends to come rescue him, before realizing, maybe this time, he's going to have to figure out a way to save himself.

i need yall to undestand how batshit feral this fic made me. im always a little bit obsessed with religious imagery, thats just how things are, but this one just had it everywhere and so seamlessly?? in fact i think i actually went insane about this fic before in a separate post, i cant remember when, i just know that ive read this fic a stupid amount of times and i have specific lines memorised and i think about it all the time

5. Take It In, Feel It All and Hold It by @bleusarcellewrites

“Do you wanna try it out, Lance?” Lance blinks at him, eyes narrowed in confusion and making the adult to chuckle. “Dancing, son. Do you wanna dance with me?” “I dunno how, papa.” The five years-old bites his lower lip unsure, looking up at his dad nervously but the adult just smiles softly at his son and holds out both of his hands towards the child. “It’s okay, son,” he comforts gently, “Just take my hands, I got you.” [Small moments that made Lance realize how much he loves dancing with the people he loves]

okay i know a good chunk of you are new so im gonna give u a lil chunk of information, from a voltron elder (my old ass). bleusarcelle was at one point the reigning goddamn monarch of the klance fic world like well and truly. the most iconic and well loved domestic klance fics have ALL come from bleusarcelle i swear to god. and this fic? this particular one? this one is absolutely THEE most parent klance fic of all time. read this and have ur cheeks ache with your smile

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

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rat-typewriter · 10 months

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Hello! Just read your Clumsy fic with Leon x Reader. It was very good and very true to my daily life😅

I was wondering if you do any angst? Like severely injured and the other person(in this case Leon or the Reader) is extremely worried and trying to save them. Ultimately you can choose if they die or not, but I just love the comfort when the other is dying or bleeding out.

Keep up the amazing work! And also may I draw a scene if you end up writing it? Please and thank you🥰🥰😚

Live to see another day - Leon Kennedy x fem!Reader

notes: ok so remember when RE4 was still relevant like two months ago and I said "hey guys, I've got this fic that'll be finished by friday!" and now its july???? Im so sorry and tysm for the request aussie,,, I loved writing this sm!!!!!!

Summary: You get shot, but Leon is trained in first aid by Saint John's Ambulance (I will write a summary when I'm less tired <3)

warnings: descriptions of injury, blood, guns - nothing too bad, all just average RE stuff, mentions of alcohol

This was not the kind of Thursday you had expected. Pulling a bandage from your kit you tried to remember your first aid training, but cold seemed to make your mind sluggish. The snow fell heavier; the clouds overhead and fields blending into a grey-white mass.

This was supposed to be a simple mission; a quick in-and-out job. You and Leon had been sent to talk to some locals in a remote mountain town - just gather some information about the hiker disappearances. They had all been friendly and happy to share what they knew; it was odd talking to people who genuinely had no interest in hurting you, but you welcomed the surprise. Yet - as always seemed to be the way - not everyone was friendly. Especially not the man who shot you. Yeah, he wasn’t very nice at all actually.

Apply pressure

Yeah, alright. Apply pressure - okay.

Inhaling deeply, you surveyed the damage on your leg. Your black trousers were soaked in - what you could only imagine to be - blood and clung to your leg. From where you sat you could now see back the way you came. Your stomach dropped. A trail of blood - your blood - cut through pristine white snow. You glanced back down at your leg again; the fabric sticking to your skin. Shakily, you lifted your hands onto the wound. This was going to hurt.

You pressed down on the gaping wound in your leg. A hiss escaped your mouth, followed by a string of curses. Blinking quickly you tried to focus on breathing steadily as stars danced before your eyes.

Fucking hell, ouch. Fuck.

Leon, where are you?

Squeezing your eyes shut you remembered the young blonde-haired Leon's boyish grin. He used to be so naïeve and keen. The day he'd asked you out he had practically skipped away afterwards - turning back twice to smile at you and awkwardly offering a little wave before he finally turned the corner.

He had grown a lot since then; you both had. Even so, he never lost his playful nature - something you were glad for. It wasn’t quite the same - since as Leon grew more confident, he also realised how nervous he could make you - which meant that he now knew exactly how to tease you and make you blush. His newfound cockiness just attracted you to him all the more.

Flurries of snow had begun to settle in your hair. It was really cold. Your feet hurt from the cold; your face stung.

I need to get up.

I can't stay here.

With a surge or determination you hauled yourself up into a crouch - then a stand. Pain clawed up your thigh as your muscles cramped and sent you reeling into a nearby tree. Setting your jaw you huffed out a breath.

I'm not fucking dying here.

You took one step, pausing to let the agony rising in your chest settle again - still half-leaning on the tree. Setting off, you made it a few more steps before you faltered. Feeling a stab of pain through your leg, you sucked in the freezing air. As you tried to hobble onwards, one misstep became two and then became five, before you lost your balance entirely. Veering towards the ground, you shot out your hands. At the cost of grazing your hands across the jagged rocks, you were just able to catch yourself. Pausing for a moment, you let the shock of the impact with the hard surface pass, taking deep breaths.

The skin on your hands was raw. It stung in the frigid air. Despite the cold that seemed to overcome the rest of your body, your leg had this burning ache - as if someone was driving a hot poker straight into your bone.

Something about the eerie silence and monochrome surroundings seemed to undermine time. The signal on your radio had gone dead long ago - something strange about this remote mountain village frying the circuits. To your numb body, struggling through the pain of walking didn’t seem worthwhile. Instead you lay, curled up - as best you could with the state of your leg - in the snow.

I’m going to die, aren’t I?

I don’t want to die.

I’m so cold.

Then there came a far off sound. The crunching of footfall in the snow.

"Y/N?"

You froze.

"Y/N?" His voice came again, this time sharper; louder.

"Leon?" You said, your voice small and hoarse, you tried to push yourself up off the ground, which was not a good idea as it dragged your leg across the gravel. A string of curses leapt from your mouth.

“Woah, woah-” He knelt at your side, pulling you up into a sitting position with a hand under each of your arms. "Shit, what happened? You're freezing."

Leaning into his side, you struggled to form words - instead fisting your hands in his coat as you tried to think. The sudden brightness of the white snow made your head buzz, a dull ache running through it.

"I dunno." You grumbled. "Got shot, I guess."

"You guess?" Leon echoed. Although his tone was snarky, you knew he was just trying to keep you calm and focused. He fumbled with his radio in his free hand. "Hunnigan? We're going to need that helicopter after all."

The sharp pain now spanned the whole of your leg - as though it were resonating up and down the bone. In a single, swift motion, Leon reached over, pressing his palm down onto the wound. You gasped, unintentionally jerking your leg.

“Easy,” He spoke softly, as though to a small, frightened animal - which you supposed was appropriate. “Easy there, deep breaths,”

Remaining firm, he kept his hand in place; you couldn’t help but admire his unwavering confidence. Any kind of hesitation or mistake would have just caused you more pain,

You grit your teeth, inhaling as he said. Out of the corner of your eye you could see his grimace; the way his nose wrinkled up at the sight of your leg. You couldn’t blame him, the dried blood gave off a sickening metallic smell. You gagged.

“Hey, Y/N?” His tone was playful - maybe a little more upbeat than he intended - an overcompensation to hide the anxious undertone.

“Hm?” You replied - not necessarily disinterested, but more focused on breathing normally.

"Do you remember when we met?"

You furrowed your brow. Inhale, exhale. "What?"

"Don't you remember? That time at the party? I vomited in your car."

The memory flooded back.

The base was loud enough that you felt it buzzing in your feet more than you could hear it clearly. The twenty - maybe thirty? - people throughout the darkened apartment didn’t really seem to care. Or notice, for that matter.

Despite being a party consisting almost entirely of trainee officers - there was an awful lot of “drunk and disorderly” going on. Not to mention a fair amount of “Indecent exposure” and without a doubt “possession” of some substances. But, hey, you weren’t going to ruin their vibe.

This definitely wasn’t really your scene.

You hovered in beside the doorway to the kitchen - unsure of what to do with yourself. It felt wrong to leave so early, but your friends had long since abandoned you and it wasn’t as though they’d miss you anyway. A girl you knew stumbled past you - her blonde hair recognisable anywhere - and for a moment you thought about saying hi. Then you noticed the boy she had in tow, who seemed to be getting awfully handsy.

Yeah, I’ll just leave them to it.

Abandoning your cup of - let’s be real - who-knows-what, you awkwardly squeezed through the crowd towards the front door. A few boys whistled at you as you tried to slip past them and out into the bleakly lit hallway. Although it was slightly easier to ignore as they were all drunk out their minds - it still made you wrinkle up your nose in disgust.

The door clicked shut behind you, muffling the noise of the party. Letting out a sigh, you stared blankly down the corridor, allowing your eyes to adjust to the brightness.

“Those guys are dicks.”

You whipped your head around comically fast, confused as to who had spoken.

“Down here,” He added and you turned, seeing him sat neatly beside the door, just at your feet. He didn’t look at you, instead staring at the wall across from him. Even if you hadn’t been able to smell the beer, you could tell from the way he loosely gripped the bottle that he was smashed.

“Oh - uh, yeah.” you replied.

“I don’t even like parties.” He said, looking up at you. “I have no idea why I’m here.”

As you held his gaze, shrugging sympathetically - you suddenly were able to place his face. He sat next to you in one of your lectures - it must have been a dull one, because you also remembered (making your face heat up a little) that you had spent a considerable amount of time thinking how cute he was.

What was his name?

Somehow he looked completely different here - instead of being so tightly strung and nervous that he looked as though he might just collapse if anyone so much as looked at him, he seemed freer; calmer. His hair was messier too, you noticed, as he pushed it back out of his eyes - setting off butterflies in your stomach.

Leon. That was it.

“If it helps, it’s not really my scene either. I’m headed home,” you offered with a small smile.

"I don't know if you've noticed," He said, matter-of-factly. "But I'm quite drunk, actually."

You stifled a giggle - he was much more fun to talk to like this, rather than his up-tight one word responses. If you were honest, you stopped trying with him within the first few classes, as he never seemed that interested in what you had to say and the moment class ended he suddenly became some kind of record sprinter to leave the lecture theatre.

"I could tell,"

He raised his eyebrows, nodding seriously. "Smart girl,"

For a slightly too long moment he paused and you watched as he searched for his words. It was unbearably cute to see the blonde-haired boy furrowing his brow, clearly thinking as hard as his intoxicated mind would allow.

"I'd like to go home, but I can’t drive,” He said and then suddenly looked deeply dejected, as though the weight of his words just hit him. He let out a huff and ran his hand through his hair again. “I hate parties.”

On any other occasion, you would have left the strange drunk guy in the corridor, where he belonged - no matter how cute he was.

Yet here you were, at two am with a very smashed Leon Kennedy in the passenger seat. It was lucky that you hadn’t touched your cup of mysterious liquid at the party, because driving with a passenger who has just vomited into a plastic bag four (maybe five?) times was surprisingly difficult. He was weirdly apologetic about the whole thing, groaning and holding his head.

“I promise I’m not normally this bad.” He gagged again. “God, I’m sorry.”

You tried to sound reassuring as you spoke, but the vile smell was enough to make you gag as well. Although driving quickly would have gotten you out of the rancid car sooner, every time you turned a corner or hit a pothole - the poor boy beside you grew paler.

“It’s ok!” you said, perhaps sounding a little too reassuring, your voice rising several octaves. Although it was possible that he wasn’t used to drinking - you thought, glancing over at Leon, whose knuckles had gone white holding the plastic bag - this was more likely to be something worse. “Not much further now,”

It was lucky the road was empty - as it neared twelve fifty - because you braked much more suddenly than you meant to, lurching both of you forwards slightly. Leon swore and threw a hand over his mouth. You swallowed, trying your best to ignore the retching coming from the seat beside you.

“Wow,” Leon said, his voice raspy. “This is a great way to impress girls.”

That made you laugh. Though you felt a little mean thinking it, you really got the idea that this guy didn’t get around as much as you first thought. He was attractive, sure, in a sort of pretty way - but he gave this overwhelming feeling of lameness; he was constantly sheepish.

Exactly my type.

“Oh, yeah - I bet all the ladies love this.” you grinned. “Remind me to arrange our second date once I’ve gotten the smell of sick out of my car.”

He actually laughed, sounding considerably more sober than when he got in. Although you wouldn’t want to admit it, the sound made your heart skip a beat.

“Wait, so in this hypothetical scenario - I convinced you to come on a date with me?” he said. You could feel him looking at you. “Hypothetical me must be a real charmer.”

Okay, so he definitely was not as sober as you had thought. Heat rushed into your face as you desperately tried to remind yourself that he was drunk. He probably just flirts with everyone when he’s drunk.

He continued. "Y'know, when I see you in class, I'm normally too scared to even talk to you."

You risked a glance over at him, finding him now staring out of the window into the dark. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you're like," He paused. "Way out of my league"

Leon was clearly not sober, but spoke with such openness that it was difficult to not take what he said seriously. You focused on the road ahead of you, stopping at a red light - even though the junction was empty. The quiet in the car was by no means uncomfortable, perhaps the knowledge that he wasn’t going to remember this took most of the pressure away. His presence was so unobtrusive - calming, even - that it felt as though you had been friends for years. Although he may not have noticed it, you felt a distinct shift in the air between you. He'd started something; laid the groundwork for something to be built between the two of you. He’d given you a glimpse of who the two of you could be. And once he was sober again, in your next 09.00 AM lecture - he would feel the shift too.

Within a few minutes you pulled up outside his flat - this time doing your best to roll to a stop gradually. He thanked you, a little awkwardly, and apologised for the vomit smell. You smiled and insisted it was no problem. And that was it; he waited outside the door, speaking into the intercom and then disappeared into the flat a moment later.

It was a strange memory. Somehow, with only a few words, he had caught your attention. The whole way home you had thought about him; waiting anxiously for your next lecture.

Leon adjusted his grip on your leg, which left you hissing in pain - grabbing onto his upper arm. Each breath of icy air stung at your lungs, leaving your head spinning even more violently.

“Yeah, I remember.” You said. “What about it?”

Leon tipped his head in place of a shrug - avoiding putting you in any more pain - and grinned. “I have absolutely no clue what happened that night.”

That was new. You felt sure you’d heard him talk about it before: to friends - or even family, occasionally - when they asked how you met. As you considered it, he did tend to stay quiet, letting you tell the story - only chipping in with the odd comment. After all, he was practically off his head that night.

Letting out a breathy laugh, you half-grinned; half-grimaced. “I never knew that.” You tilted your head to look up at him, continuing with eager curiosity. “So - wait - did you just think that I just randomly started to talk to you, after like a year of us mutually sitting in silence?”

He laughed. “Something like that.”

Mildly bemused, you snorted. “Oh my God, Leon - if you told me that back then I would have just about died.”

It was true. Even though, as you got older, your self confidence seemed to grow - back then you were no more than a gangly twenty year-old, who would have crumpled at the first sign of rejection. Embarrassed may as well have been your middle name, since you spent so much time convinced that everyone else thought you were an idiot.

“Hey, I wasn’t complaining,” He said. “When the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen starts chatting to you like you’ve been friends forever - you don’t question it!”

Even after nearly a decade - he still made you blush.

“Prettiest?”

“Mhm.”

As you struggled to find an answer that wouldn’t make you sound like either a disgustingly soppy romantic or socially inept teenage girl, your attention came back to your surroundings. With Leon there and the shock subsiding, you felt substantially warmer; your pulse was no longer thundering in your ears and while the pain was still by no means bearable, Leon had successfully kept your mind off of it.

“D’you know how long until someone will get here?” You asked after a moment.

“Not long now, " he said, glancing off into the sky, perhaps waiting to hear the hum of a helicopter in the thick cloud. “It’ll be fine, Y/N.”

And after another seven minutes, you would see that he was right; it would be fine. You’d be operated on by one of the best doctors that the government could muster up and - without too much more hassle, you lived to see another day.

AN: how do you finish fics?????? I just run out of plot and end it like a terrible sitcom?????

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy re4 #leon kenney re2 #leon re #leon re4 #re #leon resident evil #leon kennedy resident evil #resident evil 4 #resident evil x reader #re4 #re4 x reader #re4 remake #re leon x reader #leon x reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you

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transboysokka · 6 months

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This is a big ask so don't feel like you have to, but would you be interested in pitching some summaries of the fics you have up on Ao3? I know there are summaries up there, but I like the casual way you have with words and you say fuck a lot and I dunno yeah

omg this is so funny bc i know the exact way with words you're talking about and of course im not gonna pass up a chance to promote my own work hehe YOU GOT IT!

i have 20 atla fics so I'm going to recommend them in order of... least to most kudos??? to try to trick people into reading more of my stuff? lol idk

I'm 99% sure all of these are Zukka fics...

The Last Five Years - ok actually this is a bad place to start bc i don't think im gonna finish it. it just really didn't take off but um its a The Last Five Years AU with really fucking sad Divorced Zukka

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Cry - this is i think my newest one, it has trans zukka and it's a bit angsty with a fake death but i also think it's kind of fun. it's the idea trans people have of ''who's going to care if my family puts the wrong name on my gravestone?" but there IS a happy ending

A Problem Halved is a Problem Shared - im gonna be honest i dont fucking remember writing this one lol but it says dialogue-only and it WILL be angsty bc it is about zuko and sokka dealing with different issues they have

One Last Time (and its sequel The End of All Things) - Actually OLT is definitely one of my faves I ever wrote. It's my canon-compliant take on um... *cough* Sokka's death, referenced in Korra. It's SO angsty but it has one of the most visceral scenes I've ever written and I DID cry writing this. TEoAT is the happy ending Divorced Zukka deserved with bonus Iroh but you WILL cry reading that too. BUT i cant fucking recommend these ones enough!!!!

If I fade away (the awful things we do to make the head go quiet) - VERY dead dove. trans zuko needs to pay a MASSIVE price to get home to the Fire Nation after Ba Sing Se, and it's not his choice at all. I love this but READ WITH CAUTION

In Which Sokka is Supportive Ally Boyfriend Goals - I am dead serious i like dont remember this one at all but i know it has trans zuko!

Nourishing the Flame Within - not the best written tbhtbh BUT it does have two very important Zukos in it that I hold to be universally true: trans zuko and eating disorder zuko

bad idea right? - okay this is DEF one of my faves lol its about divorced zukka but they just cant stop messing things up and sleeping with each other even though theyre not together anymore lolol

Keeping it in the Family - lmao OKAY SO this is the ONE version of zukka that im like 'ok all u z*tara folks, maybe zuko WAS with her and it obvs didnt work' and then he hooks up with sokka instead and its GREAT but oops now we have Family Drama

Scars of Trust - bro im not gonna like i barely remember writing this one but i remember I LOVE IT and it's about sokka who has been dating zuko a while but he finally learns that zuko is trans? its great

Playing the Long Game - eh, i don't love it, but I'd say it's worth a read. it was my first longer fic in the fandom. it DOES have a great Zukki evolution though if you're into that, and a nice mystery!! Also some whump and angst bc of course

Keeping Score - I liked this one! It's just little snippets of times Sokka has survived assassination attempts, because we always hear about it happening to Zuko, but Sokka gets them too. Angst obviously

It Was Cruel and It Was Wrong - wow, a dead dove fic, yes. It's basically like "If I'm Joo Lee and you're Joo Lee, then who's flying the bison?" Yeah so Sokka and Zuko are both brainwashed by the Dai Lee and Suffering but be careful because this gets DARK

Mother - Izumi has two dads but she feels bad she doesn't have a mom. But guess what, her dads don't have moms either!! She's very happy to find that out! Wow Izumi, way to have some sympathy.

Impact - It's about Zuko taking a longer time to recover from an assassination attempt than he'd want, and Sokka being loving and patient with him! I wrote this when I had a bad concussion for like three weeks and so it's pretty like. Medically accurate lol

Scratchy - Short and sweet. I don't remember this one much but I know that it is fluffy and involves turtle ducks!

Hidden Pain, Shared Love - Another short and fluffy one. It's about the first time Zuko sees that Sokka has problems with his leg sometimes?

Zuko and Sokka Get Engaged in the Most Zukka Way Possible - okay i actually really love this one because it's on brand and cute and also i made it fucking angsty because oF COURSE

Zuko Amongst the Dragons - yes so what if zuko was raised by dragons and met the gaang but he was super feral? and what if shenanigans ensued? AND what if sokka and zuko fell in love anyway????

#quesTian #Anonymous #fic #fic recs #atla #zukka #divorced zukka #trans zuko #trans zukka

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kaeyapilled · 8 months

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Hii this is the same anon that asked for kaeya fics and I'm wondering if maybe you have some good cynonari fics? Btw the kaeya fics were super good thanks for that

hello!! im glad you liked the kaeya fics! i sadly dont read a lot of cynonari so i dont have nearly as many recs as i had for kaeya (8 works tagged cynari in my bookmarks against 69 works tagged kaeya, lol), but if anyone seeing this has some good fics, dont hesitate to share!! im a bit lacking in the cynari department.. my apologies. heres a few that ive read and liked:

i look at you and worry, "love is violence" by pinkweirdsunsets

Cyno taps his little finger against the table, “This isn’t a date.” An impressive frown stretches across Tighnari’s face, “Is that so?” “We are only friends.” “But you are gorgeous, General.” Cyno’s face remains impassive, “Only friends, Tighnari.” Tighnari pours himself another cup of coffee. tighnari, and how he loves, loves, and loves

this is honestly one of the coolest fics ive ever read. i read it by chance some time ago and it was an Experience. it's very confusing, on purpose, and the writing style executes it soooo nicely i loved it. and the concept is so interesting!! i was thinking about it for days after reading it. its a bit of an au so if you want full canon compliance you might not like it, but it does have most elements of canon and the characterization was really on point. i just rlly recommend this one<3

dew-kissed, sun-kissed by caniculeo

“Cyno,” Tighnari says, “you need to stop telling jokes at dinner.” “You keep saying that,” Cyno says, unfazed. in which tighnari keeps kissing cyno after every awful joke, and cyno has no idea why.

this one's just fluff. pure delight. nothing bad ever happens. it's SO sweet and funny it just gives you fluffy warm feelings inside. a good read for after you finish that first one, maybe. also, i do recommend checking this author's other fics!! they have some more cynari stuff, though i havent read them myself; i have however read one of their works about kaveh and it was really good, so. yeah!

girlhood first introduction to love by warsena

Collei is very loved, by many people. Five of them try to help her to deal with falling in love.

well, this is me cheating. this isnt cynari, they're just in the background. but i wanted to sneak this one in because it's collei-centric and so so so sweet and real, and i love collei. so. yeah. could i interest you in some implied collei/fischl in these trying times?

GAH sorry i dont have more!! i love cyno and tighnari but i very rarely read fanfiction about them lmao😭i hope you like these and, again, if someone else has recs...

#askpilled #cynonari #cynari #cyno #tighnari #fic recs #genshin fic recs #my other cynari bookmarks are. not quite sfw. i can always share those too if ur interested lol

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eusuntgratie · 8 days

Text

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @jdeanmorgan 😘

How many works do you have on ao3? 264. holy shit!

What's your total ao3 word count? 428,688

What fandoms do you write for? men's hockey rpf, rwrb, rwrb rpf, 911, 911 rpf are the ones i have current wips for although its been a minute since i've written buddie. i'm an rpf bitch lately.

Top five fics by kudos: open my heart and let it bleed onto yours (sterek, teen wolf), (be a) good wolf (sterek, teen wolf), safe (sterek, teen wolf), partner (buddie, 911), home (sterek, teen wolf) these haven't moved in a while my new fandoms are not as big as teen wolf those fics did some numbers

Do you respond to comments? nearly always! i love engaging with readers, but even if its just an emoji or a thank you i usually respond.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably hold me like i was forgiven (tknp, men's hockey rpf)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? recently, and in the most traditional sense, maybe dance with me so we don't cry (firstprince, rwrb)

Do you get hate on fics? i write a lot of rpf, so yeah. not on hockey fic, but actor rpf tends to bring it out in people 🙃 i got more comments that irked me on disaster than i'm used to bc i didn't do what some people expected, but only one or two of those i'd consider hate.

Do you write smut? yes! the fic i posted today, you could've texted (ryliver, 911 rpf) is pwp.

Craziest crossover: i don't think i've written one? i'm not opposed but. not yet.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of

Have you ever had a fic translated? no but i would love that! eventually i will tackle translating one of mine into spanish.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? i've cowritten a series but not a fic, but only the ones i wrote are still up

All time favorite ship? impossible question. i don't ever really get over/move on from a ship completely i just shift to mostly reading/writing something else. stucky, sterek, buddie, firstprince, tknp, and sidgeno are probably my big ones that are like, ingrained into my soul at this point. but they absolutely are not the only ones i care about. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have a bunch of sterek and buddie wips that i'm not sure i'll ever get back to. the buddie ones certainly have more of a chance but. i don't know. shadow (buddie) and stilinski construction (sterek) are two i think about every so often but i'm not sure i'll finish.

What are your writing strengths? who knows. dialog maybe? when i have it nailed down for a character which isn't always. giving a little glimpse of a world and situation in a short fic, maybe? sexual tension, perhaps. i feel like i write good blowjobs.

What are your writing weaknesses? uh, plot? action? why would my characters DO anything when they could just talk and think and fuck. kissing is so fucking hard to write.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? on the rare occasion it actually makes sense for the character im fine with it. i've written some spanish dialog in fic. but just because a character speaks another language doesn't mean they'd randomly start speaking it in the middle of a conversation or something.

First fandom you wrote in? stucky/captain america/mcu. my first fic was Captain America and the Winter Soldier Read Thirst Tweets

Favorite fic you've written? if i had to pick right now it would be disaster and forgive me, father for very different reasons <3

tagging @lostcol @bigassbowlingballhead @jbarneswilson @voxofthevoid @oxfordslutphase @onward--upward and anybody else who wants to do it!

#grace writes #tag games

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withacapitalp · 9 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

Daisies (Steddie)

Summary: He hacked out a few more harsh sounding noises, before he spat into his open palm, taking a relieved breath as whatever was lodged in his throat came out. Eddie would’ve been relieved too, confused, but okay now that Steve was safe. And then he saw what was in Steve’s hand. A daisy. Steve had just coughed up a fucking daisy. And, judging by the completely blasé expression he had on his face as he looked down at it, this wasn’t the first time. When Steve wakes up choking on flowers, Eddie thinks that it might be the end. It turns out to be just the beginning.

I love Daisies so much and the response it got was wayyyy more than I ever could have expected!!! A hanahaki AU that it's a little non-traditional and one of my all time faves I've written!!!

2. Princess (Steddie, Steve and Chrissy)

Summary: “You knew Chrissy” Eddie managed to force out, feeling like he was about to vomit. Steve nodded, still looking at the picture. Chrissy’s little face was overtaken by an absolutely enormous grin, and her right hand was tightly grabbing onto Steve’s free left one. “Who do you think gave her her title?” He asked rhetorically, side-eyeing Eddie to gauge his reaction. When Eddie didn’t give one, Steve sighed, stepping away, “People always get that story wrong though,” Eddie wakes up alone, goes downstairs, and finds out things he wasn't ready to know.

Princesssssssss. Augh this one hurts me every time I read it and it's one of my top favorite head canons. I think Steve and Chrissy being cousins hits a chord that is just so perfect? This little detail that doesn't actually exist to anyone but me is so canon to me now haha!

3. Let Me Just Hold You Now (Stolen)

Summary: Steve has a routine for nights like this. A routine for the times when his world gets flipped on its axis. Just four simple steps to keep his body alive while his mind tries to sort through whatever fucked up thing he just went through. Steve has a Routine. Robin breaks that Routine.

THIS FIC MAN. I really hit a stride with Stolen fics that just felt soooooo yeah I really loved writing this one and that's not something I can usually say!!

4. The Day After (Stoncy)

Summary: The morning after Steve helps to destroy a demon who had been trying to kill Jonathan Byers and Nancy Wheeler, he goes to school. He didn't want to go. He didn't know why he did it. He just went. It was startling to see how the rest of the world didn't change.

Agh! So I have a mixed relationship with this series but I had to include a stoncy fic in this list and this one was the one that really started it all. The first long fic I finished, the first one I felt really proud of, and the fic that really started my love for stranger things. Yeah I'm proud of this one.

5. How to Rehabilitate a Jock (Eventual Steddie WIP)

Summary: After their breakup, Steve found that being around Nancy and Jonathan was pretty much unbearable. His old friends wouldn't even look at him, and there was only so much time he could spend with the kids before he started feeling kind of pathetic. All in all, he was a pretty lonely person now. But was he really lonely enough to consider joining Hellfire club? And were they really willing to accept having a dethroned king in their party? A post season two AU where Steve becomes a part of hellfire club

This one is probably my baby and will be for at least the rest of the year. She gives me so much trouble but I love her so gosh darn much!!!!! Anyways it's my most popular story, it feels like a lot of pressure, but I love it.

TY MORGAN THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN AND IM SO GRATEFUL YOU SENT THISSSS

#tag game #self rec game #can't wait to send this to thefaves heheheh

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chihirolovebot · 3 months

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i made. a PHYSMAKI!! pinterest board!!! i hope it is in character :’) but i wanted to share it with you anyways

https://pin.it/1WXZeDHsN

i made a few about phys & other characters too. and OFCOURSEEE physouma aswell!!

fyi its always me sending asks about physmaki,,, i love them so much actually toxic yuri FTW!!!!

IM LITERALLY SO ILLL OHHGHG MY GOD ARE U KIDDING ??? putting some faves under the cut

FIRST OF ALL just want to go crazy bonkers stupid over the amount of dog / rabid dog imagery and pins in this board since i went so hard on the coding for harukawa and dogs in sleep awake . shes so rescued fighting dog to me and it makes me sick. the nightmarish black and red ones are so perfect for just what i imagine the inside of her head to be like the 'do not forget what i am' with the bared teeth oghhhhgh harukawa u think ur so cruel and unlovable u think u are but a weapon but phys sees u as a person</3 what the hell .

this one first i hc that harukawa is very incapable of hiding her emotions like ANY emotions even though she tries . because i figure she never would actually have much practise hiding them as an assassin bc it was not strictly necessary + we see in the game that shes actually pretty expressive , even when it comes to stuff like being flustered by her friends or being angry ( mostly at ouma and momota lol ) . so yeah anyone this one is real harukawa's soft side for phys comes through a lot ( i hope ) .

this is so hangar coded . oughghhhggh oh harukawa u thought u were doing the right thing at any cost and now look . look how its all fallen apart around you. 'i did it for you' and the worst part is she did !!! she truly believed she was recusing phys from someone who had kidnapped and tortured them !!!!!!! she thought she was doing the right thing + who's to say someone in her shoes wouldn't do exactly the same . i can literally imagine her saying this . of course there is a flipside which is that harukawa only thinks she's doing stuff for phys because she doesn't believe they have agency of their own ( to an extent ) and they are blinded/brainwashed by ouma so it's a pretty awful double-sided coin . 'i did it for you' but only because i didn't believe you could do it for yourself .

well this one was just frankly evil and i think it's cool to read this from both perspectives actually . from phys's perspective this is fairly clear-cut; lover ( if we're going romantic physmaki ), hunter ( when they used to be afraid of her in the earlier chapters ) friend ( middle chapters ) and enemy ( right at the start and during a lot of chapter five ). YOU WILL ALWAYS BE EVERY ONE OF THESE because their dynamic changing and shifting doesn't discredit their journey from one sort of relationship to another . i think the nature of phys and harukawa's relationship is that it's always in danger of losing its equilibrium and sliding back into something slightly toxic or unhealthy or doomed . they probably have the most inconsistent relationship in the fic ( physouma is debatable ) and i think it's because they're never totally sure what to make of each other or where the other stands , as a threat or a friend .

slightly repeating myself on the hangar point but this just epitomises what harukawa was trying to do in ch5 . she doesnt really know how to love and have faith in other people which is a part of why she thought phys needed saving . if she had realised like chabashira , kiibo and saihara did that phys had more agency than they were letting on , it probably wouldn't have escalated resulting in their fallout and phys' fury towards her in the investigation + trial chapters . deep sigh . in conclusion harukawa fighting dog who had to use her teeth despite not wanting to . in conclusion ouma and harukawa both thinking they had no choice other than to do the worst thing possible that they truly did not want to do because they both believed it was in everyones greater interest . only to find out that if they just paid closer attention , believed a little more , there was a choice all along .

anyways im going to go vomit . genuinely amazing board , i checked out your other ones as well and OH the physouma one was genuinely fantastic . so sososo thankful u sent me this as u can see i went bananas over it + i hope ur having a wonderful day :3

sidenote i have a bunch of pinterest boards that u may or may not have seen . if u would like i can post the link to my own physouma board :o

#dear venus.#🏚.sleep awake

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evansbby · 6 months

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hey bestie!

im trying to get back into writing and i was just wondering if you had any advice for me? like how do i keep my writings interesting and kinda like build a base of besties like you have?

(im sorry if this sounds like i want you to read my writings i really dont want it to come off that way)

I’m flattered you asked me this question! No need to apologise!🩷🩷

To keep your writing interesting:

1) Start with a dialogue or a conversation between two characters. If you start with paragraphs and paragraphs of info dump, it’s more likely people are gonna click off your fic.

2) Build up to your smut. If your fic is five lines of convo and then the smut starts, the smut won’t hit as hard. If the smut comes after a build up or angst or fighting or arguing or flirting or little touches here and there, looks, conversations etc between your two main characters, THEN the smut will hit harder bc your readers have gotten to know the characters and root for them.

3) Don’t hold back when you write smut. Even if it’s the most absurd nastiest thing, chances are that people will like it so just write it!

4) Make sure your punctuation and grammar is good and you’ve got all the basics covered like STARTING A NEW PARAGRAPH EACH TIME A NEW PERSON SPEAKS. I can’t stress this enough bc I get put off by fics with bad grammar and punctuation bc I just think a child has written it and then I don’t want to read it lol.

To “build a base of besties”

Honestly you just have to be really active at the beginning and if you get asks, you need to descriptively answer them like you genuinely care! A lot of the time people answer asks monosyllabically and then wonder why they don’t get anymore. You need to establish a fun personality which means talking on your blog like you’re shouting out into the void about anything and everything. People gravitate towards conversation and opinions. ALSO, talk with other blogs that have similar interests to you! I don’t do this much bc I’m shy af so I’d much rather do the shout into the void thing and wait for people to come to me 😭😭😭 but yeah!!!

#anon

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darling-i-read-it · 2 years

Text

Cheerios

Matt Murdock x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: matt being worried, talks of fisk, you being worried, lots and lots of worry

Author’s Note: this is a one off im just really really excited/nervous for matt to be back and wrote myself a comfort fic lmao (for future, this was written BEFORE he makes an appearance in she hulk so things will be incorrect lol)

Summary: Matt tells you about She-Hulk and you start to worry that he’s going all commercial.

Genre: fluff

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

Sometimes Hell’s Kitchen felt like a very large place. From one end to the other it wasn’t actually that big. You were pretty sure anyway, you had never actually asked anyone. The only person you would ask is Matt and though he couldn’t see it you knew he would know the answer to a relative degree of certainty.

When you walked to your work from Matt’s office, it was about a 20 minute walk.

Matt thought that was a very long walk.

You insisted it actually wasn’t that bad at all. You were often in busy streets with plenty of people. You did the walk in the daylight. You had your taser, that Matt had graciously gifted you, on you at all times.

You argued that the walk from your shared apartment was even further but he was having none of it.

“Don’t try and slip out of here!” Matt called from inside the confinements of his and Foggy’s small office. You had grabbed your purse and started to leave. He must know the time and also managed to hear you grabbing your things. Typical.

“Matt,” you said gently, putting your hand on the door frame between rooms. “I have to go to work. It happens five days a week. It’s a schedule that people with actual jobs have.”

“I have an actual job,” he said, clicking his pen and then gently sitting it down. He wasn’t angry or annoyed. He was facing you, eyebrows raised a bit. “Why won’t you let me walk you?” he questioned.

“Because it would be a 40 minute break for you and a whole long walk you absolutely don’t need to do.”

“I could use the workout.”

“Uh huh Matt. Sure.” You rolled your eyes and started to back out and he moved his seat back like he was going to get out of it. You could have sprinted out the door and down the stairs and he still would’ve beat you.

Truth be told, you liked how much he worried about you. Though you thought it was overbearing sometimes, you couldn't exactly blame him. With his line of work, he had plenty of casualties. Both lines.

“Use a sick day,” he said. He was standing now, hands in his jacket pockets.

“Matty,” you muttered. It was just the two of you in the office right now. Foggy was off getting lunch for him and Matt. Karen was back at the newspaper for the moment. You were technically doing secretary jobs on top of your actual job. You didn’t mind that much. You liked to help and you loved the office. “I’m not sick.”

“I could use your help here.”

“You have Foggy for help.”

“Yeah but I could use four working eyes,” he said. You huffed and crossed your arms.

“I only have so much leave you know.”

“You overwork yourself.” You crossed your arms and leaned your side against the doorframe again.

“You wanna tell me the real reason I’m not allowed to go outside right now?”

He faced the desk again, clearing his throat. You waited patiently.

“Fisk is back in the streets. Or, his men are. I need a handle on that before you go out and do things by yourself.” It had been the thing stressing him out beyond belief since everyone came back from the blip. Fisk had overtaken the streets again. Nothing to fear when the man without fear wasn’t around anymore.

You squinted.

“That’s not it. Stop lying.” Matt smirked a bit, lips twitching. He’d always been proud of the way you could read him. You were the best at it.

“I ran into She-Hulk.”

You opened your mouth a bit in surprise. You closed it but just as quickly opened it.

“I assume you didn’t run into Jennifer Walters in her office.” He smiled gently.

“No.”

“Good. Great. Now you’re having run-ins with public superheroes. What’s next? Matt Murdock’s gonna defend Wong in court? Daredevil gonna team up with Hawkeye’s new prodigy?”

“This isn’t a bad thing.”

You took a step forward. The step was fueled by the innate need you had to protect him. If no one else was going to do it, you were. You made it your (third) job. At the end of the night, Matt Murdock needed to come home to a safe bed with someone he trusted.

“Daredevil is a masked superhero for a reason. He isn’t an avenger, he isn’t a Asgardian, he isn’t part of the galaxy fuck ups. She-Hulk could be a stepping stone to something too big.”

“You aren’t Daredevil,” he reminded you.

“No, I’m Daredevil’s keeper,” you told him. You took another step towards him so you could touch him. You were late for work. It didn’t feel like you were going in today. You held his hand gingerly. “I don’t want them to ruin you. I won’t stand to watch Daredevil have his own cereal or do press junkets.” He intertwined your fingers slowly.

“That’s not why I brought her up.”

“There’s more?”

“She’s been having issues with a lot of interesting threats. Public threats. It’s too dangerous out there right now,” he said deeply. “There are a whole host of people that could kill you without thinking. I won't have that.”

“What do you suggest I do then?”

“Let me walk you.”

“And if they try and kill you?”

“They won’t win the fight,” he promised, squeezing your hand. “As for your other concerns,” he started, “I won’t do any cereal sponsoring. Unless it’s Cheerios. I do really like Cheerios.”

“Oh my God you would bend your will to Cheerios? Not like, Lucky Charms or something?”

“Too sugary.”

“Jesus Matt.” You both laughed gently.

“I imagine Matt Murdock is going to run into Jennifer Walters one day but Daredevil is safe right now having a strict working relationship with her.”

“I wasn’t worried about that,” you promised. “I’m worried that you’re gonna become commercial. Is that selfish?”

“No.” He said it so simply that you didn’t feel bad for it. “I’ll stay small town. I think the aliens are a little too much for me.” You smiled at that. He was good at making you feel better.

“You promise me?”

“I promise you.”

You nodded, satisfied. He brought you to his chest and you wrapped your arms around him happily. You pressed your cheek against him and breathed deeply.

“You staying?”

“Yes I’m staying. Just today!” He smiled brightly, dipping his face down to kiss you pleasantly. You giggled against the kiss and let him go. “I’m not making a habit of it alright?”

“I hear you, I hear you.”

The front door opened. Foggy shut it behind him.

“I sure hope there’s only one person in here and not someone who has been wrongly peer pressured to stay!” he called.

“Hi Foggy,” you said sheepishly.

“Dammit. You know you’re a distraction. He can’t even see you but he stares at you.” He put down lunch. “Lucky for you, I knew this was gonna happen. So I got lunch for three.” You scoffed, smiling brightly. “You tell her about Hulk Girl?”

“She-Hulk,” Matt corrected.

“Thank you Foggy Nelson. I should’ve dated you,” you said, opening up the bags. “And yes he did.”

“You should have. I’m a lot more fun and also I have way less people trying to kill me on the regular.” “I don’t know, some bartenders try on the regular,” Matt argued.

“What did you think about his whole thing?” Foggy asked, ignoring Matt.

“I don’t like it. She’s not like Jessica or Luke. They’re town folk, She-Hulk…she’s city. All city.”

“We live in the city,” Matt said.

“You know what I mean,” you said. “Matt promised he wouldn’t go all Avengers on us though.”

Matt opened up the bags, feeling around for the boxes and bringing them out.

“Well when he promises you we know he means it. When he promises me he’s bound to go and do it.”

“I went to the bar once in college without you-” Matt started.

“We cannot hash up old arguments you know you’ll never win Matt.” You giggled, opening up the boxes. “You gonna do paperwork for us today?” Foggy asked, nudging you.

“I really should be formally employed here. I think I’m pulling my weight,” you argued.

“Not a bad idea. Would eliminate that 20 minute walk,” Matt pointed out. You rolled your eyes.

“I should have a partner at this law firm interview me.” Foggy had eaten a whole bite of noodles.

“Role play opportunity,” he said through chewing, pointing his fork at you and Matt. You both laughed. Matt sat back down as you slid him one of the waters. You sat beside him. He put a hand on your thigh. Sometimes he sacrificed his hand, causing him to just eat with one, solely because he wanted to touch you. Know you were there. If he couldn’t see you, he could at least have that.

“For the record,” he started, “I would never go commercial. It isn’t in my blood to have cereal boxes with me on it,” he promised, squeezing his hand on your thigh.

“Unless it’s Lucky Charms,” Foggy said while chewing.

“That’s what I said! See Matt!”

“I won’t be doing Lucky Charms just to spite the two of you now.”

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock imagines #marvel imagines #daredevil imagines #matt murdock x fem!reader #daredevil x reader #daredevil x fem!reader

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 1 year

Text

tuesday again 4/25/22

where the fuck were we

listening

Tongue by Rêve. i do not care for this latex aurra sing album art, but this instantly went on the "somebody come fuck this (GAY)" playlist. a fun danceable party bop about oral. other than a concerning line regarding "gamey like venison", what more can you ask for. spotify

Yeah Yeah Yeah by Blood Orchid. starts out with some very straightforward drums and then gets SLUDGY. this makes me want to sing along with the chorus with as much vocal fry as i can manage. i think the band is american, but the pronunciation of "yeah" is something i have only heard from posh brits? i think it works here. spotify

Praising You (feat. Fatboy Slim) by Rita Ora. this is somewhere between a cover and a reimagining? fun if you already know and like the original, fun if you don't. short, peppy, got me through a lot of mopping on saturday. spotify

reading

very long title by susan pinsky. checked this out mostly for any advice on moving, which was limited to two paragraphs that said "get rid of everything possible, the most efficient packing is not always the thing that will get you through a move in one piece, hire people to do everything for you if possible". this was unhelpful to me.

the author is not adhd, but is writing it out of the experience of having an adhd daughter and a ton of clients who probably had adhd. it feels like it is largely geared toward people who have a wife or child with adhd. while the version i read had been updated, it did feel very out of date at several points, especially with regards to calendaring/planning systems and (if possible) forcing everyone to call you at your home phone so you can check your wall calendar that you keep on your wall and not double book yourself. like what.

while i had independently derived some of the specific tips through great trial and error and much of the book simply did not apply to me, it did give some interesting background on why specific things (open storage, clear bins, open shelving, the concept of having one or two shelves free as a staging area in each place you have shelves) work with rather than against us.

i can see this being useful to someone who has recently been diagnosed as an adult, or is managing a family with multiple adhd/otherwise neurodivergent members, but i certainly wouldn't buy it. her big thing is Get The Fuck Rid Of Your Shit while not really providing a lot of pointers on how to go about that, so i could see how pairing this with one of marie kondo's books might be helpful? neither pinsky nor kondo really give a whole lot of advice on like "so you're an adult, here are things adults have in their house to make their lives easier" so perhaps a third unknown book might complete the perfect trilogy. idk man. im cranky her advice about moving was half a page.

Witches, Princesses, and Women at Arms, a collection of erotic lesbian fairytales edited by Sacchi Green. this was objectively fine. i skipped one completely bc it would have been a fucking hysterical short skit but did NOT translate to the page at all. as is ever the case with anthologies, some of them were decent, some of them not so much, almost none will stick in my brain even though there was some very nice butch representation. the one that does stick in my brain, Woodwitch by M. Birds about a princess trying to break a familial curse re: war, and a witch who follows the army, was memorable more for its leadup and acknowledgement of how a marching army works? like yeah! historically that is how armies move and camp and feed themselves huh, this is surprisingly well-researched for lesbian erotica!

the level of explicit erotica is...sort of on the same level as most modern f/f fic? this came out a good five years ago and people sure are having sex on the page, but there's a lot of metaphor and various other veiled imagery.

unfortunately, i want to read about women gettin absolutely nasty with it. i want to read about a pussy written with the same fervor as the average m/m cock in fanfic.

it's misogyny is what it is.

watching

rewatched For A Few Dollars More (1965, dr. Leone). in my heart he fucked that old man

You Can't Win Em All (1970, dir. Collinson) bc a very western-ish screenshot had me absolutely baffled about why a mauser was in a western. this is not a western, this is about some american mercenaries during the 1922 turkish civil war. this is not a very good movie (my main beef is that it spends twenty minutes trying to convince itself why its leads should work together, and the contrivance it lands on isn't particularly compelling or comprehendible after carting through us a whole bunch of other failed inciting incidents). this movie doesn't even manage enjoyably bad, but it sure is a spectacle of a war movie. great calvary columns riding through the prettiest goddamn landscapes you've ever seen. all forms of transportation are covered, including "armored train" and "trio of biplanes". my personal tolerance for exotic travelogue movies is fairly high, yours may not be.

if you want an actual cowboy western with different triple-crossing american mercenaries played by burt lancaster and gary cooper, Vera Cruz (1954, dir. Aldrich) is like a proto-revisionist western? quite a bit darker than i expected for 1) an american western made in 2) 1954

playing

sort of tied in with the making section-- i am deeply unhappy with how much time i am spending with fallou/t 4 bc it is not a game that makes me happy. however, the startup cost to finding a new game that makes me happy is pretty steep. so i spent some time on saturday flinging games into various folders, bc i forgot that was a thing steam lets you do now. maybe a different organizational system will fix me.

do not need to look at again: lots of demos and prologues from my old job, a couple things that aren't on steam anymore, some stuff that came in bundles that i'm not interested in, any strategy games.

done: my time with this game is at an end but i may want to return to a handy list to remind myself of what i have finished. lots of short indie experiences, wolfen/stein the new order, night in the woods, the portals, firewatch, things of this nature

old faithfuls: fnv, fo4, dishonored, sable bc i love simply zooming about.

hard bounce: this is mostly to make myself stop trying to click with hollow knight. i am never going to like fiddly platformers. and that's okay.

try again later: i'm deeply annoyed i'm not clicking with hardspace shipbreaker bc on paper it's the perfect fucking game for me. in practice even after fucking around with all the sensitivities it's still too fiddly for me. i need much, much more forgiving games with a shotgun-close-enough mentality.

making

important moving prep: cleaned out the storage unit that still had the dregs of my last move plus boxes from three grandparents and my mom. this took three full fuckin days bc it was extremely hot, i had to stop to cry a bunch, and a lot of goodwill trips.

the great thing about siblings is that if you've been caretaking a family heirloom that makes you feel weird due to your fractious relationship with the dead person in question, you can foist it off to a sibling who had a completely different less fractious relationship with the dead person in question.

once again i have failed to take a pic of the baby blanket in real daylight but we are slowly chugging along, halfway through repeat 6/10

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

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