#yeah the legendary can look cool but can you laugh at it is the real question

[nonetoon]

I think I have realized at least part of the reason I chose the Pokémon game where the motorcycle lizard just runs instead of using its tires is for the same reason I chose the Pokémon game where the wolf is armed with a sword;

It’s really funny

#text #dumb stuff #pokemon #pokemon spoilers #pokemon scarlet #Pokémon sword #yeah the legendary can look cool but can you laugh at it is the real question

[taco-night-frenzy]

Trials of Love?! Aphrodias' Ancient Treasure!

Naga and I, Lina Inverse, explore an ancient ruin for a legendary treasure said to come from an ancient goddess!

But, hey! This place is more boobytrapped than Naga's skimpy outfit! And that's not even the worst of it! To obtain our treasure, we have to pass three 'Love Trials?!'

As if! Who in the world could ever love Naga?! Hopefully I find a way around this...

Can we unlock the secrets within with the power of our love? Absolutely not!

Fandom: Slayers Characters/Pairing: Lina Inverse/Naga the Serpent Rating: G Word Count: 8,869 Mirror: AO3 Notes: 

--

Naga and I were in the middle of exploring an ancient elven ruin some distance from a little town of Dite. Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘ Lina! Aren’t you always exploring ruins? Don’t you have something better to do, like save the world for the billionth time?’

First of all! Rude! Second of all, how do you think I get all those cool magic-supporting accessories? And third of all, there’s been a massive shortage of bandits lately. Seems the population is getting hunted by someone? Can’t be me, it’s not like I pillage—er—defeat that many bad guys! Probably Amelia or something.

And a girl’s gotta eat! It’s not easy paying for all the food I eat and Naga’s share as well. Ugh. Why do I pay for her meals?

“Ohhhohoho~!”

Naga’s cliché princess laugh echoed through the temples’ musty stone halls. Head tilted back, hand fanning her mouth, she discreetly yanked a furious piranha off her butt and squeezed filthy ruin water out of her soaked hair.

She had just tripped over another deadly trap and managed to survive. Barely.

Yet that laugh of hers never faltered. Her manic smile endured despite the bruises, despite the filth, despite the constant humiliating failure.

I sighed.

If I didn’t pay for her meals, she probably just wouldn’t eat. She was like a pathetic little puppy.

“What are you so happy about?” I asked, trying to stop that shrill laughter of hers.

“Hm?” Naga’s sharp eyes set on me in an instant, trapping me in her gaze. “Do you even need to ask, Lina Inverse?”

Ugh! That stupid look on her face! This is why I ignore her half the time! Give her one drop of attention and she’s begging for more. “No, I really don’t.” I shrugged and continued through the ruins, the red of my Lighting spell leaving Naga in the dark.

“Huh?!” Naga whined, eyes probably dribbling with puppy dog tears behind me. Ha! “Well, allow me to tell you anyway!”

“Here we go…”

“I, Naga the Serpent, your greatest and eternal rival, have once again overcome an insurmountable obstacle with beauty and grace! Ohohoho~!”

“Yeah, real graceful the way you pulled that fish off your butt.”

“I would thank you if you weren’t telling me something I didn’t already know!” Naga laughed, trailing behind my cape. “You see, I can’t expect you to understand.”

“That’s rich. Understand what?” I growled back. Truth be told, I should have kept ignoring her, but talking to her like this made exploring old caves and ruins a lot easier on me. Spelunking on your own doesn’t seem so bad until the darkness starts to settle. A few hours in and you’ll be begging for even Naga to be your talking partner, just to make sure at least someone knows you exist.

“I can’t expect you to understand overcoming anything with beauty and grace!” Naga repeated, her grating voice only going an octave louder. “You see, when you avoid all those traps and other mishaps, you lose an opportunity to grow! I take each and every failure in stride, making me nearly invincible!” She sneered in the dim light. “Just take a look at how much I’ve grown more than you! Huhuhu~…”

Like I’d want a tall lanky body with some big bimbo boobs anyway!

“Is that so?” I asked, hiding my grin as I stepped over a pressure plate.

“Yes! You can’t handle one little stab wound without crying and moaning while I, the great Naga, can handle mostly any—AAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!!!”

Just as I expected, Naga stepped on the pressure plate and exploded in a blaze of great magical fire. Her screams of pain were a little damaging to my psyche, but I knew she’d just wipe off the soot and laugh it off. For a mage with the brain of a peanut, she was quite durable. Maybe a cockroach would best describe her.

“Ohohoho~!” Naga laughed as the blackened soot fell off her like she’d been hit with a gust of cleansing wind. “See?”

I’ll admit, it was a little impressive in its own way. A little. Again, it’s mostly impressive in the sense that a dumb bug could survive catastrophic events just by being hardy.

“You complained the entire time we traveled through the jungle. You complained you didn’t eat enough dinner last night. You’ve been complaining literally about the traps in this temple!”

Like a blast from a Fireball, she waved off my retort without missing a beat. “The jungle is very unsanitary! You only let me have two steaks for dinner last night! And to be frank, this temple is unnecessarily boobytrapped.” She placed a finger on her chin, a rare moment of thought entering that thick skull of hers. “Is the treasure really worth all the trouble?”

“Of course it is!” I shot back. “It’s an Elven ruin! This is the lost temple of Aphrodias! It’s legendary among merchants and mages alike! There’s said to be a great relic made by Aphrodias herself!”

Naga’s eyes lit up like diamonds at that description. I don’t think she processed a word I said other than ‘legendary’ and ‘relic.’

“So, it will sell for quite a lot?”

“Are you listening?! Yes, whatever it is, it’ll sell insanely well!” I grinned. “That is, if I don’t want to keep it for myself.” Remember! I come from a family of merchants! I know treasure.

Naga nearly drooled on my hair! But at that last sentence, she slurped it back up (gross) and asked, “Hm? Keep it for yourself? When we’ve worked so hard to get it together you won’t even think about sharing?”

“Oh, when it’s dinner it’s me me me, but when treasure is involved, suddenly you learn how to use a few more pronouns don’t ya?!”

“Ha!” Naga reflected my retort easily. “Dinner and treasure are two very different things, Lina Inverse! I would expect my rival to have a little more intelligence than that, but it seems I— WAAAAAGPFfft!” A pillar came down from the ceiling and smushed her like a pancake. She sprang up and continued like she wasn’t a walking slinky. “It seems I overestimated you, ohohoho~!”

I didn’t need to dignify that with a response. I stepped forward into the buzzing darkness, trying to keep my mind off Naga. Sadly, that energy should have been better spent paying attention as I felt a pressure plate slide into the floor beneath me. Stone rumbled against stone and in an instant, there was no longer ground beneath my feet.

It looked like I was the one who sprung the trap this time!

As I fell, I chanted a quick spell of Levitation only to find it didn’t work! What?! I could cast spells like this in my sleep! Something sparkled beneath me in the darkness, and I knew for a fact it was a pit of cliché impaling spears! Oh, this wasn’t going to be a painless death at all…!

Clasp!

Naga’s hand grabbed mine, dangling me above the pit like a sack of laundry. What I looked up to was even worse than what was below me.

She was smiling. Smug. So smug. So. Smug. I was starting to consider falling to my death a better alternative than this.

“Caught you~! Ohohoho!” Naga laughed. But I noted, while she did save me, she certainly wasn’t in a rush to pull me up. She was savoring this.

Ugh! Just why didn’t my spells work?! I glared at the walls that lined this pit and noted a faint glow emanating from them.

Damn! Of course! Anti-magic runes!

They boobytrapped their boobytrap! No fair! Anyone that fell here wouldn’t be able to cast a spell to save their life! Literally!

“Don’t you have something to say to me, Lina Inverse?” Naga sneered, openly chuckling to herself.

“Yeah. Why aren’t you pulling me up already?! ”

“No words of gratitude, hm? I seem to recall a number of times you sacrificed me! Maybe I should do the same…” I felt her grip around my hand loosen.

“Agh, c’mon, all those times I knew you wouldn’t actually die! Just pull me up, will you?”

“See, now this is what I’m talking about!” Naga went on. “Always moaning about stab wounds and getting impaled! Never taking it with any grace.”

“How about you come down here and see if you can handle getting impaled then?!”

“Maybe I will!”

“Fine! Go for it! I’d be glad to see you skewered like a kebab!”

“Hmph! The feeling is mutual!”

“Will you quit it with this bit and pull me up already?!”

“Gratitude! Gra-ti-tude! Show it to me!” Naga whined, kicking and stomping like a brat.

I was about to maybe thank her for potentially saving my life possibly, until I heard stone grinding against stone. Naga must have triggered another trap in her tantrum.

Two things happened. A gust of wind blew down the hallway. Then Naga’s bumbling body fell with me.

“You idiooooooot!” I screamed as we both fell to our death.

“AAaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Naga screamed back, directly into my ear by the way, before spreading her lanky arms and legs out. Dust billowed as she scraped against the rocks, crying all the way about her palms.

Just as we were about to become kebabs, Naga came to a stop, the tip of a rusty spear so close to piercing her stupid shiny butt. She let out a sigh of relief while I clung to her like a koala.

“I told you; you should have just pulled me up!!!” I screamed, adrenaline still pumping through my veins.

“I clearly should have dropped you!” she screamed back. “In fact, you’re much too heavy! Would you mind letting go?”

“You realize that’d kill me, right?” I wasn’t a weird lanky freak like her! I couldn’t spread my legs (like the master leg spreader here!) and grab onto the walls!

“I’m well aware!”

“If I die here, I’m taking you with me!”

“Maybe I’ll drop down and kill us both then!”

“Fine! See if I care!”

“We’ll be dying by my hand you know!”

“Oh, you just have to try and one up me at everything don’t you?!”

“Ohohoho! I feel my hands slipping again~!”

She was actually going to let us die!

We couldn’t cast any spells. I couldn’t do anything in my position wrapped around her squishy bits like this. I couldn’t take it. I was desperate to live. If I was going to die, at least make it dignified!! A guttural noise gurgled from my throat until it became louder and louder. I didn’t know what it meant. Some kind of animalistic beast took over me. With a horrible screech that I could never emulate again if I tried, I threw my head back and bit Naga’s ear.

“Ohoho-YAAAAAAAAOOOOW!!!” Naga howled, eyes crying out waterfalls as she scampered up the walls like a monkey on a mission.

In the next moment we sputtered out of the trap gasping for air, chests heaving. Naga gently cradled her bruised ear, while I happily let go of her practically naked body to fall against dirty stone.

“Little gremlin!” Naga cried, still stroking her throbbing ear.

“Giant bimbo!” I retorted, still too tired to get back on my feet. It wasn’t the best insult, but gimme a break! I nearly died like three separate times there!

We gave ourselves a moment to catch our breaths and both decided we would forget about what just happened and continue through the ruins.

…

We ducked underneath a decayed doorway, rubble piling up at its base, barely able to stand after ages of disrepair. Moss and lichen grew across the walls, vines and roots sprouting through every crack and crevice. Water pooled together across the ruins, from puddles to floods that spanned through entire hallways. Luckily a good Ray Wing made traversing through all that filthy ruin water easy, and even someone like Naga could do that on her own.

I’ll admit, I wanted to keep a Ray Wing shield up the entire time I was out, water or not, since this humid place buzzed with all sorts of annoying and disgusting bugs. It’s not like I couldn’t! A normal mage might struggle to keep a Ray Wing steady, what with it being a constant vortex of rushing wind and all, but I could handle it! I figured it would be best if I conserved my magic, however.

“Uuugh, I hate these bugs!!” Naga shrieked, smacking another mosquito out of the air. Not bad. “And the water! So much water! There’s nothing I hate more than getting drenched! I have very sensitive skin, you know!”

“So much for dealing with trouble gracefully…” I murmured. I decided to change my Lighting spell into a more powerful flame that I could hold just above my hand. The Lighting was attracting bugs. This way they’d at least get zapped into dust, heheh! … What? They really were annoying! Just because Naga was right, doesn’t mean I couldn’t have a little revenge!

“That little fire of yours isn’t a terrible idea,” Naga said, pointing at it like it was some child’s toy. “However, it’s making this intolerably humid hole even hotter! Allow the great Naga to improve upon your work!” With a flourish of her cape and a bounce of her bosom, she produced an open palm. “Watch this!”

Similar to my magical fire, a floating crystal of misty ice appeared over her hand.

“And just what is that supposed to do?” I asked.

“Ooohohoho~!” Naga shrieked, her laugh echolocating every wall ahead of us. “The same as your brutish little flame, but better! Look at that wondrous light it gives off! And…!” Shing! A mosquito froze in midair, shattering against the stony floor. “Ohohoho~!”

Like always, it was almost impressive.

With the flick of a wrist, I killed my flame. In the next instant, it turned dark as pitch again. Naga’s laughter stuttered as she tripped over a twig and nearly flattened me with those stupid balloon tits of hers.

“Doesn’t seem to do much without my light reflecting off it. Oh, and would you look at that? The bugs won’t even go near it either.”

“Shut up!” Naga whined. “It was merely an… an extension of your power! Meant to work in tandem!” She nodded, making this all up on the spot as if she planned it from the beginning. It wasn’t long before she was laughing again…

I sighed and brought my flame back. I couldn’t deny it. That ice crystal reflected my fire’s light, illuminating more than before, throwing rays of orange and rippling light across the ruins. It was actually kind of beautiful. Not to mention it was really hot and that cool chill gave some much needed relief.

Well. Maybe I could upgrade her from cockroach back to puppy.

Exploring the ruins didn’t feel quite so awful anymore.

-------

Some time later, we made it to what must have been the center of the ruins. I know what you’re thinking again, ‘Lina! Why didn’t you just blast through the ruins and get to the center like you’ve done before!’

Don’t be stupid! Those were dungeons ! It’s very different! Dungeons are meant to be mazes with traps and twists and turns that eventually lead to some haughty villain! There’s nothing of value lost there. In temple ruins like this? Who really knows where the ancient elves left their treasure! The last thing we’d want to do is destroy all that valuable loot!

Oh. Oh, and the history stuff. That’s important too!

“Say…” Naga started, gazing at the intricate mosaic ahead of us, blocking our path. “Just what exactly is the relic we’re trying to steal?”

Ugh! Don’t call it stealing! I mean… okay it is! But it sounds bad!

“Do you really not know? Why did you even come with me?” I asked uselessly. Naga never had a good reason to follow me around.

“Ohoho~!” Naga laughed. “Your usual group was busy, hm? That blonde dummy and the rock man and the loud girl?” Hello? Pot calling kettle black alert? Naga is probably louder than Amelia! I’d say she’s even dumber than Gourry! “You must have been lonely!”

Grrr… Like I’d ever be lonely!

“You’re saying it like you’re doing me a favor!” I growled, wanting to rip that smug look of hers off like that stringy little outfit she wore! (...What? I mean. Like to humiliate her! Geez! Don’t read it weird!) “You just wanted to leech more free food!”

Naga shrugged, her mischievous smile only growing taller. Why did she have to look at me like that?! “Oh. Well, the food is good, but if you want to be rid of me so badly… I guess I could leave~!” She twirled around, cape fwomping in the dim ruin light.

“W-wait!” I cried out.

Naga stopped and looked over her shoulder. “Oh? Will you… miss me?” She took another step and tripped over a piece of debris and straight into the same arrow trap we passed. With a screech, she narrowly avoided another volley of death.

“You won’t be able to see a thing without me…” I sighed. “You’ll definitely get yourself killed on the way back.” Sure, she could use a Lighting spell, but I couldn’t trust Naga to drink water if I didn’t force her! She wishes I’d miss her.

“Hm,” Naga said casually, brushing an arrow out of her hair. “I suppose it would be a waste to come all this way and not get any treasure!”

As if you’re getting any!

“I have made up my mind!” Naga posed; legs splayed wide. “I will continue to stay by your side!”

“Great, I’m glad we cleared that up,” I said sarcastically.

“As am I!” Naga said genuinely.

There was no time to continue doing this bit! The joke had run its course! The scene was boring! We were right smack dab in the middle of the temple, at our goal! We needed to move on, for my sake.

Tuning Naga out, I evaluated the final chamber in this terrible temple. Strangely enough, this was the least ruined area in all of the ruins. Giving it a second thought, I knew why. Magic buzzed through the air louder than any insect. In fact, it was so strong, it seemed even the bugs didn’t want to live here.

Ominous…

The source of this magical power came from the intricately carved wall before us. To someone like Naga, it probably seemed like this chamber was nothing but a huge dead end, but I knew better. This wall, without a speck of moss or dust, with its murals depicting some sort of ancient Elven history, had more to it than meets the eye. I noticed a few indentations running through the middle of the mural, which appeared to be subtle cracks at a glance. But, remember, this mural was in absolutely pristine condition! Why would there be flaws here?

That’s because it was meant to open up.

Our treasure was just beyond here.

“…and that is why I’ve continued to follow you, Lina Inverse!” Naga continued, oblivious to everything.

“Shut up a sec,” I said, waving her off.

“Rude! I was finally opening up to you! I’ll have you know; I’ve never told anyone the things I just said, like my mother—”

“Yeah, yeah,” I interrupted. “The treasure’s behind this huge stone wall you know.”

“Ooh!!” Naga’s eyes sparkled, completely forgetting that I totally ignored her. “Really? Really? Let’s open it up!”

“Not that easy,” I said, focusing on the ancient Elven language before me. “Seems we need to prove our worth through some kind of trial…” You’ll have to excuse me, my ancient Elvish is pretty rusty. Like, I could ask an ancient Elf for directions to the bathroom pretty easily, but I’d need to look through my journal to get a refresher on this intricate stuff.

“Boo, trials!” Naga shook her head. “Let’s just blow it up!”

I ignored her, nose down in my book of Ancient Elvish Tourist Spots You Can’t Miss. “Go ahead, try it if you—”

I knew what she was going to do, so it didn’t matter what I said.

“Fireball!!”

Naga slung the orb of powerful exploding magic like a baseball pitcher, mouth as manic as can be. As I suspected, an ethereal glow emanated from the mural, and Naga’s Fireball bounced back at her with a cute squeak!

The resulting noise that left Naga’s throat was less cute, another scream as flames engulfed her for the umpteenth time.

When she brushed it off, I muttered, “Magic barrier.”

Naga stamped a foot on the floor. “Why didn’t you warn me!?”

I was busy. Didn’t feel like talking in full sentences. “Stupid.”

“What?!”

“You. Stupid. Wouldn’t matter.” I flipped another page. Ahh, so that’s how to ask where the library was…

“Gremlin!” Naga screeched, taking a seat on a piece of the ruins. With a frustrated sigh, she began rubbing and cleaning the soot off her skin/cape/clothes etc. It must have been hard work looking like a cliche bimbo and getting blasted to bits on an hourly basis.

At least it gave me time to translate in peace.

After about 30 minutes or so, I felt confident in my ability to barter in Elvish over a steak and even give directions to the nearest Elvish hospital! Just needed to use some flashcards, and bam! You could call me Lina Elfverse!

Don’t call me that. I will blast you.

“So? Have you translated it yet?” Naga asked.

Ugh! I translated it! I did! I just… I didn’t want to say it.

“...No?” I lied, terribly. Even Naga wasn’t stupid enough to buy it.

“Truly? Lina Inverse, stumped by a wall? Unable to speak such a simple language?” Naga laughed.

“You don’t know a single word of Elvish!” I screamed back, blood boiling.

“I don’t need to, I have my minions for that,” Naga said, fanning all that hot air my way.

“I am NOT your minion!” I raged, already feeling the heat of a Fireball in my hands.

“Lina Inverse, you get so worked up over little details!” Naga laughed. “Just tell me what it says, will you?”

Hmph! Let’s see how she liked the answer so much then!

“You know what?! I will!” I grinned demonically. “This is a trial of LOVE , idiot!”

“Eh?” A strand of Naga’s hair curled out of her head. “What in the world does that mean?”

“To open this door,” I explained, “We need to show it love. True love.”

Naga squinted at me, suspicious. “How would that door know the difference?”

“It’s magic, dummy!” I said, kind of hoping she wouldn’t prod me further on it. Love magic was never really my specialty, considering my cool loner attitude. “Just like any other power, it can sense the levels of magic in the room! Love is an extremely powerful emotion, a power that you feel in your chest prominently, (I’m told) and it seems these ancient Elves had a way to quantify it.”

Naga simply smirked. “Is that all?”

I sighed. She acted like she understood it, but I knew not a single thought went through her-

“Lina Inverse,” Naga said, pointing at me dramatically. “I LOVE you!” Her smug smile let loose an arrow that pierced my heart.

Ba-dump!

“Y-you idiot!” I screamed back, looking away. “You can’t just shout that! It doesn’t work that way!”

And besides! It’s weird!

“Why not?” Naga asked in a sultry tone, completely unphased. 

“Don’t you have any dignity?!” I asked in return. Then I remembered her outfit. Oh right, of course she doesn’t. “It can tell if you’re lying!”

“Can it now…?” Naga said, mischief on her lips.

Suddenly, the mural lit up! A dim, very dim , blue magical light filled the indents of a few of the runes. It was like someone pouring a drop of water into an empty cup!

“No way!” I said, flabbergasted.

“Ooohohohoho~!” Naga howled, without a shred of decency. “Was this supposed to be a difficult trial? Maybe for someone like you! ”

Urgh!

I reeled backwards, away from her uncomfortable haughtiness. “It’s–it’s not difficult!” I didn’t understand! How could that have even MILDLY worked?

Naga wagged a finger at me, clicking her tongue in such an annoying way. “You look like a frightened little girl! How easy it is for a woman like me!” She looked me straight in the eyes, gaze as sharp as her spikes, and her shining lips said, “Li-na. In-verse. I. Love. You.”

Gack!

It felt like someone socked me right in the chest!

“I love you, Lina Inverse!” Naga repeated with ease, almost in a sing-songy voice. “I love you, I love you, I love YOU! Ohohoho~!”

Before I knew it, I was on my knees, clutching my head. “Can’t you see you’re killing me here?! You shouldn’t be trying to torture me!”

“But it’s so easy!” Naga crowed. “And look! It’s working!”

Between my fingers, I managed to find the strength to look at the glyphs. Sure enough, they looked brighter. Slightly brighter. Barely brighter.

“I love you, Lina Inverse!” Naga cheered again, enjoying the pure psychological damage she was doing to me. “Me, Naga the Serpent, loves YOU! Lovey-dovey, love-u-love-u!!!”

“Cut it out, will you?!” I coughed. “Look, you must have hit the cap! It’s not getting brighter anymore!”

That shut her up for a moment, thankfully. Hand on her chin, she thought for a moment. “Hm. I love you?” Sure enough, nothing. It was still barely lit up enough to even call itself a nightlight!

Ha! Not so smug now are you! I felt some of my energy coming back.

“Aha!” Naga’s clenched hand hit her palm. “You just have to say it back to me!”

Aaaaaaaagh!!!

Time out! Time out! Severe mental trauma! Tummy ache! Anything but that!

“No! No way!” I squealed out, convulsing on the floor. “I refuse!”

Naga sighed, looking down at me like she was so tough! “My, my, Lina Inverse, you truly are weaker than I expected. Three words is all it takes to bring you down?”

The light on the glyphs dimmed ever so slightly.

Ugh! She was right! I’ve chanted forbidden words calling upon the darkest gods themselves! Was I really afraid to lie? If Naga could lie that easily, why couldn’t I? I didn’t come all this way to be beaten by a stupid wall! To be beaten by Naga!

I punched the floor, pushing myself back up to my feet. With a, dare I say, sexy flourish, I pointed at Naga and said, “ I love you!!”

Blue light burst out of the glyphs, much brighter than before, bright enough to highlight the blush on Naga’s face. As much as I wish my words affected her, it is important to note that Naga always has a blushy face, as if she’s out of breath or something. I could hardly notice a change in Naga, maybe a brief widen of the eyes, or maybe she just smirked more.

“How’d you like that?” I said, crossing my arms.

“Hm? Sorry what?” Naga put a hand to her ear. “I couldn’t hear your single tiny proclamation of love over all my proclamations of love for you! Ohohoho!”

“Grr!!” I stamped my foot. “Look! The glyphs are nearly lit up because of me!”

Naga shrugged. “Nearly isn’t good enough, Lina Inverse.”

“So, you wanna play that way, do you?” I rolled up my sleeves. “Fine! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Take this!” As if chanting my most powerful spell, I closed my eyes and held my hands up, saying, “I call upon myself, Lina Inverse, to say my innermost intimate feelings for you…” And then, WHAM! threw my hands at her with a, “I LOVE you, Naga the Serpent! I love you! Lovey-dovey, you! Wuv-wuv, even! Mwah! Mwah!” That’s right! Kissy face! And even kisses blown!

Haha! Even Naga was taken aback this time! There was no hiding her shock, her smug smile tripping into a confused frown. And that wasn’t all!

One of the glyphs exploded in light! The heart was completely full! Yes! I did it! Me!

I wiped the sweat from my brow, my chest heaving with exhaustion from my spell. But I won! Like I always do.

“Lina…” Naga started; her voice quiet (for her). “That was quite undignified of you.” She shook her head sadly.

STRANGLE HER. I was going to strangle her! For real! This would be her tomb!

“Will you shut up!? Look! I filled the glyph up! No thanks to you!”

“Yes, I always knew you had feelings for me,” Naga said with a nod. “But this? Goodness, Lina Inverse, it’s borderline obsession!”

“I do NOT have feelings for you!” I screamed, trying not to pull my beautiful hair out. “I never have! I was lying!”

Naga raised an eyebrow, pointing easily to the heart glyph, full and bright. “What about that? Mine barely did anything.”

“You’re a damned idiot is what you are!” I yelled. “It’s because I reciprocated those feelings you gave me! Not to mention it’s going off of how you feel too!”

Naga shrugged. “I just don’t think I feel the same way, Lina.”

“Why… you!! I….” My hands were in stranglin’ mode. I had to use every ounce of my power to stop them from ending her life.

“The door still hasn’t opened though…” Naga said, looking at the glyph, deflecting my rage by changing the subject.

Lucky! She was lucky I was interested in this.

“Let me have a look,” I said, shoving Naga over.

“Rude!”

I pulled the skin under my eye and stuck my tongue out at her, making the ugliest face I could before going back to the runes. Naga tried to do the same back, but I was already ignoring her! Ha! I’m so good at ignoring her, aren’t I?

Interesting…

“Some new runes have appeared,” I said more to myself than anyone. “Another heart…? Oh no…”

“Hmm?” Naga perched her lanky arms and head on top of mine, struggling to see what I was seeing. “What is it?”

“Grr, get offa me!” I screeched, tossing her like a bag of dirty laundry. “We’re not done yet, you double-D-dunce!”

“There’s mooore?” Naga whined, even though she had just said how easy the trial before was. “What else could we do to prove our love?”

Yuck! It still gave me shivers just hearing her say that.

I didn’t like what it had said. I didn’t want to say it. I had to pretend it was a chant like any other spell again, just like before. Close my eyes and repeat the words, that’s all!

“It says the next step is to prove our love is with a kiss,” I said. It felt hotter here! “A heartfelt kiss. With passion.”

Naga tilted her head. “Tongue?” she asked nonchalantly.

That was it. I couldn’t concentrate. “H-how should I know?!” I blew up, averting my gaze.

Ugh! Wrong move. I could feel Naga’s smug stare at that. “Ohohoho~! Lina Inverse, do you not know how to kiss with tongue?”

Don’t! Don’t say anything. Don’t give her ammunition!

A pause. Naga’s voice was quieter. “Lina Inverse, do you not know how to kiss in general?”

NOT GIVING HER AMMUNITION. SAY NOTHING. ANYTHING I DO CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST ME.

Naga clicked her tongue and wagged her head sadly. “Oh, Lina Inverse, you poor poor thing.”

No! No, please, haven’t I suffered enough? The last thing I wanted was pity! From Naga of all people!

“Shut up!!” I finally shouted. Why would I need to know how to kiss?! What’s the point?! I mean, sure, love magic exists but it’s barely been used and it's mostly useless! While most idiots were kissing, I was studying the blade! And magic!

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Naga said with a sigh. She leaned down to my height, a bored expression in her eyes.

“What’s with the attitude?!” I took a step back. She was too close!

“If I’m going to be your first kiss, then it certainly won’t be a good one for me ,” Naga huffed. “But for the sake of the treasure and your fragile pride, I’ll do it.”

“I-I’ve kissed before!” I tried to counter.

Naga raised an eyebrow. “How many times?”

Gack! What was a good number to say… I couldn’t say the truth because–

“So not nearly enough,” Naga interrupted.

Damn it! She really was good. How was I supposed to know there was something Naga was good at?! She can barely feed herself!

“Come on, Lina Inverse,” Naga said, her stale expression never changing.

“Do you gotta act so bored about it?!”

“We already did this before with the ‘I love you’ rune! Of course I’m bored by now!”

“ One trial and you’re already bored?!”

“I’d be less bored if you didn’t take so long, Lina Inverse~!”

“Fine! Like you said, let’s get it over with!” I grit my teeth and returned her gaze. “G-get ready!”

An eyebrow raised. A smile twitched in her lips. Naga said, “Very well. I’ll let you make the first move.” She closed her eyes and puckered her lips.

Geez! Geez! Geez!!! I’m really doing this!? Am I really doing this!?

Who cares! Who cares! I don’t! It’s just for treasure! It’s just skin on skin contact! Scientifically speaking, it barely means anything!

She actually looks… peaceful? She’s so sure of herself, so composed, almost like a real princess… Even her lips look…

No, no, no, I don’t…!

“Lina Inverse!” Naga’s voice and hard stare shook me out of my inner monologue. “I. Am. Bored! Kiss! Now!”

“Yeah, yeah, close your eyes again, will ya?! Can’t do it with you staring like a weirdo!”

She rolled her eyes before closing them again.

I’m doing it! I’m doing it!

I took a deep breath through my nose. I closed my eyes. I moved my face forward. I… I felt her lips brush against mine. Instantly my mind clouded, instantly I seemed to lose control over my body. My heart pounded in my chest and my thoughts swirled in every direction. I felt like I was floating, but my feet were still on the ground. It was… it was so much better than I could have imagined. I…

“Was that it?!” Naga groaned, breaking me out of my trance.

“H-huh?!” was all I could manage to say, my lips tingling, my cheeks hot.

“Just a peck!?” Naga’s hands were at her hips. She motioned with her face towards the rune and I noted how it glowed the dimmest of pinks.

“W-what?!” I tried not to stammer. I couldn’t help it. “It was still a kiss!”

“Not good enough, clearly,” Naga grumbled. “Lina Inverse, let me show you how it’s done.”

Eep! I reflexively took a step back from her.

Naga sighed. “All right?” was all she said, but… somehow… that seemed to be more than she’d ever said to me about anything. She never asked me how I felt before she came flinging spells at me or stealing my steak, but for this…?

I lightly slapped my cheeks between my hands, renewing my resolve. “All right,” I replied.

Like a demon that had just been freed from her chains, Naga was on me in a flash. She was so different from before, from that princess-like kiss moments ago. Now she moved like a dark mage, powerful, overwhelming, and she loved it. Whatever peaceful princess state she had been in before must have been why she was bored. This was what Naga wanted.

Before I knew it, she had picked me up by my arms, pinning me to the stone wall, her knee holding me up between my legs, her chest heavy against mine. 

I was completely powerless. I’d never felt like this before! I’d never… I’d never given up control so easily, I’d never let anyone beat me! But Naga, oh Naga, she wanted that control so much, she wanted to beat me so much .

I let her.

Her mouth hit mine, a mess of teeth and lips and hunger, and I could do nothing but gasp back. She drank gasps, licked me dry of everything I had, her body entirely overwhelming mine to the point I wasn’t even sure where she began and I ended.

With a breathy snicker, I felt her wet tongue slide between my lips, messy and hunting, tasting every part of me. I let out another gasp into her, my back arching, my chest pressing into hers. Before I knew it, she had coerced my tongue out of hiding, mine sloppily hitting hers, our breath a heated mess of gasps and sucking.

I was at her mercy. I’d never felt like this before, I wanted more, I wanted Naga to…

Suddenly, I fell to the floor. My hot head was a haze of pleasure and confusion. Naga? Why would she…

“Ah, there we go!” Naga said with a cheer, staring at the second rune which positively beamed with light, its heart full to the brim. “Done!”

“H-hold on a second…” I gasped, trying to get my bearings, still on all fours on the floor. I wiped the slobber off my lips with my arm, so very sure what I just experienced couldn’t have been a dream.

“Oh, come now, Lina Inverse!” Naga said with a smug snort. “You’re panting like a little puppy! Ohohoho! Was I too much for you? I went as easy as I possibly could!”

“Y-you call that easy?!” I huffed, getting back up on shaky legs.

She narrowed her eyes, sneering ever more towards me, that blushy face of hers driving me mad! “Yes, I do! I do so hope you aren’t falling for my charms~...”

“Y-you wish!” I shouted. “You were like a squid sucking on my face! I could barely breathe!”

My insult didn’t make a dent in her confident smile.

“Whatever. I just hope this thing is done now…” I turned back to the runes, happy to get that grinning idiot out of my vision for a while so I could think straight.

Let’s see…

Ugh. One more trial.

…

No, no…

…

“Are you serious?! ” I exclaimed.

“What? What?” Naga poked herself in yet again. “Another trial is there? What else could there be?”

This was where I had to draw the line. Even Naga wouldn’t be able to deal with this!

“It–ugh–it says to fill the third and final rune we must become one before Aphrodias herself.”

Naga tilted her head. “What does that mean?”

Of course she knows all this kissing business but is too dense to understand this!

“It means! It wants us to… you know! Come together! With our bodies!” Ugh! Was she getting this at all? “Without clothes on!”

Recognition lit up in her eyes. “Oh! Sex!”

Gack! “Y-yes, that…” I couldn’t even repeat it! It was so wrong! So weird! “This Aphrodias is certainly one perverted god! I think this is where we’ll have to finally give up and–”

“That’s not so hard!” Naga said easily.

“WHAT?!” I screamed, my jaw hitting the floor so hard my teeth hurt.

Naga raised an eyebrow at me. “Hm? What’s the matter?”

“You… You understand what it wants from us, right?” I repeated. Naga wasn’t the brightest.

“Yes?” she said easily, nearly annoyed.

“It wants us to have…” Urk. I practically gagged the word out. “Sex. Together. As in you and me.”

Naga’s expression stayed the same. “...Yes…? I got that.”

“And you’re fine with that?!”

“What part of ‘That’s not so hard!’ don’t you understand?!” Naga growled, acting like I was the stupid one here!

“Some creepy goddess tells you to do someone and you’ll just do it?!”

Naga shook her head. “It’s just a wall, Lina Inverse. There’s no one actually watching, you know. It is simply a magical receptacle awaiting a certain type of love.”

“Y-you! I… Don’t…” Flabbergasted! I was flabbergasted! “D-don’t try to explain it to me like I don’t know what it is!”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Ugh!” I threw my hands up in the air. “You think it's easy to just get naked like that?!”

Silence.

I stared at Naga the Serpent in her trademark teeny tiny leather bikini. She was already practically naked.

“Okay, stupid question, I’ll admit that.” I held out my hands in defense. “But still…!”

“If you really don’t want to do it,” Naga said with a sigh, “We don’t have to. No one is forcing you.”

“But we…” My mind started swirling again, as if we were kissing again, but we weren’t! “We worked so hard to get here! We already did so much…!”

“Exactly,” Naga said with a shrug. “That’s how I feel. But if you think this trial is too difficult for you, then there’s nothing that can be done now is there?” Naga shook her head. “It can’t just be me.”

“Agh!” I screamed. “T-trying to guilt me!”

“I am not.”

“Trying to taunt me!”

“I still am not.”

“Teasing me!”

“Lina Inverse, but you are so sensitive, aren’t you?”

“Not! I am not!”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

I paused. I paused some more. I let … I actually let my thoughts slow. I let my mind read what it was trying to tell me. I…

“I don’t want to do it if you don’t want to,” I finally said.

“Hm?” Even Naga faltered at that.

“You don’t want to do any of this,” I said, my mind swirling again. “ I don’t want to do this. I’m–I’m not doing this with someone who doesn’t want to!”

“Little puppy…” Naga sighed with exasperation. “I want to do it with you, Lina Inverse,” she said tonelessly.

Wish she’d stop calling me a puppy! I’m not a puppy! She is!

“Do you really?” I asked again.

“Yes, yes,” she added, “For the treasure of course.”

I thought about it. “For the treasure…” Maybe… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Naga was experienced and she seemed to respect my wishes, at least when it was about this kind of thing. “Maybe… uh… yeah… I could…”

“Ohohoho~!” Naga cackled. “Of course you want to do this, Lina Inverse! Now prepare yourself for you are about to be blessed by me! Naga the Serpent! Ohohohoho~!”

Ugh! No. No! No way I’m really doing this!

Am … Am I?

She’s so stupid! But she’s…

She stepped forward and I stood frozen. No way. No way. No! Way!

That’s it! That’s it!

CUT!

Cut the feed! Cut the film! No way, no one's gonna know about this! Go to black! Whatever you think is going to happen ISN’T happening and isn’t GOING to happen, got it?! Got it?!

Turn this thing off!

…

…

…

---------------------

So, the third rune was fully lit. Done. Easy. Don’t gotta go into details how that happened. But the trials were done!

Clasping my cloak back on, I let out a sigh. At least the makeshift bath after was nice. I had gotten way too sweaty with Naga when we… er… finished the final trial.

“Ahhh~!” Naga yawned, stretching her lanky arms high. “That wasn’t so bad now was it, Lina Inverse?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I muttered back, still refusing to accept reality.

“Oh, come now, you were positively loving it when–”

“LALALA,” I scream-sang, hands over my ears. “I can’t hear you!!”

For whatever reason, this only made Naga’s smug smile worse. “You are still a little gremlin, but you can be cute at times.”

Ack!! “Shut up!” I countered. Not great. Not great. Naga had been really getting to me recently, in so many ways. I still wasn’t sure how to feel. I mean I know what just happened, but that was all just for the treasure!

… right?

“Screw this!” I shook my head and stomped my way over to the brightly lit wall, all three hearts as full as could be. “Let’s just get our treasure and get out of here!”

“Of course!” Naga said easily, a tiny snicker as she loomed over me at my side. 

I placed my hands against the runed wall, the heat of our love magic tingling in my fingers. “Aphrodias, hear my call! Each trial we have faced, and we have done them all! I command thee to open this wall!”

The ruins reacted to my touch, to my words, to our love, and shuddered. Stones grinded, dust and pebbles collapsed as this dreadful wall slowly and finally opened itself up to us.

“Wow!” Naga watched in open-mouthed awe as the walls parted. “Did you need to cast another spell to finish the trial?”

I shook my head. “Nah, I just wanted to rhyme and sound cool. All I needed to do was touch the wall.”

Naga shrugged.

When the dust settled and the stones finally rested once again into eternal slumber, Naga and I entered the fabled Aphrodias’ treasure vault, our hearts pounding with excitement.

First thing to note, the vault wasn’t as big as the walls had made it out to be. However, due to the magical runes, everything seemed to be perfectly preserved, jarringly so. Whereas the ruins before had been cut stone and engraved walls covered in moss and cracked with time, the treasure vault appeared to have plain blue wallpaper? And the floor–the floor was carpeted! An extremely fuzzy and tacky purple shag carpeting?!

As if this wasn’t already setting alarm bells off in my head, the second and most eye-catching thing to note was the three glowing heart runes in the center of the room. Similar to the ones outside, but these ones were stacked inside of each other, blinking in alternate intervals, almost like a… neon sign?!

And last, but certainly not least, beneath the blinking heart runes, lay what appeared to be our treasure. A rectangular shaped pedestal that went up past my waist with some kind of strange ancient apparatus made up of more runes.

“This is… weird,” I said, checking for any more potential traps. It seemed safe.

“The decor is a bit tacky, yes,” Naga nodded, not really understanding what I was saying.

Our treasure must have been in this strange looking pedestal. I wasn’t sure how to get it working, but I certainly wasn’t opposed to pressing random runes to see if I could get things working. At my touch, something lit up!

I noticed a small slit in the pedestal began to glow brightly. Brighter… brighter…! It whirred to life, vibrating with motion as it worked some kind of ancient mechanism.

Ding!

We both stepped back out of caution, but the machine went silent.

It spit something out. Something shiny. This must have been our treasure!

…

This was our treasure…?

“What is it, what is it?!” Naga yapped, hopping behind me excitedly. “Is it a guidebook to forbidden magic?! A powerful charm?! A priceless plate? Maybe it’s the best skincare lotion in all the realm!”

“Shut it, will ya?” I nabbed the paper from the machine. It was paper, yes, but high-quality paper at least? Something was written on it, in the same runes as before.

But wait!

“Ohhhhh!” Naga cooed, mouth agape. “It has our names on it!! Why?!”

I wish I could mimic her excitement. “Hold on, that’s what I’m trying to find out. Let me see if I can read it.”

“Come on, I want to know why my name is there!! Maybe I’m an heir to their throne now??”

I cleared my throat and read the words slowly, still not very proficient. Let’s see…

“You who have completed my trials,” I read aloud. “You and your partner who stand before my altar, your love proven to me without a doubt, I now bestow upon you the highest gift that I, Aphrodias, the Goddess of Love, can bestow. I now pronounce you, Lina Inverse, and Naga the Serpent– MARRIED? ”

“Whaaaaaat?”

Hold on! Hold on! Let me just read the details a bit more…

“A love so powerful and true,” I continued, my voice shaking. “That none may ever break it. With the love magic stored between you two in my altar, your love will forever stay strong, stay true, and nothing will come between you two. All will know of your love for all of time, and even the Gods and Demons themselves will not be able to deny it or destroy it.”

“So it’s…” Naga tilted her head. “A marriage certificate?”

I stared at the certificate in my hands but didn’t look at it. Realization washed over me like a cold street puddle. “A marriage certificate made of powerful runes from the Goddess of Love herself… an ultra-powerful magical marriage that binds our souls eternally together…”

“So no divorce?” Naga asked casually.

My voice had become monotone as I spoke, my body rigid. “No divorce.”

“Hmm. It’s laminated!” she added with a cheer. “That’s nice.”

“It is,” I responded tonelessly.

“So, Lina Inverse, it looks like you and I are destined to be rivals till the end of time! It is fitting that I make you my wife! OOOohohohoho~!” Naga screeched, her laugh reverberating through my skull.

Naga… my wife? Naga was my wife now? For all of eternity?

This… this was the treasure? Everything I did… everything I did with her… was for this?

An unbreakable magic marriage certificate? That bonded us together through all of time?!

No, no, no… no.

Naga the Serpent…

“What’s the matter, Lina Inverse?” Naga said between her shrill laughter. “Are you rendered speechless that you have the honor to be my wife? Ohohohoho~!”

This big boobed bimbo…

No, no… Anyone but her! No!

Unbreakable bond?! Blessed by the gods?! Nothing in the world could break it?!

We’ll see about that.

“Darkness beyond blackest pitch,” I muttered. “Deeper than the deepest night.”

Naga’s laughter finally quieted. “Lina Inverse? Are you casting something…?”

“Lord as vast as the largest ocean

Colder than the coldest ice.”

“Why are you glowing like that? Is your hair turning white?”

“King of Darkness who shines like gold upon the Sea of Chaos…”

“Honey?” Naga asked nervously. “Wife? What are you… what are you doing…?”

If nothing can break our love, if nothing can break our bond, then I’ll just have to break EVERYTHING .

…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!”

-----------

…

…

…

“And that’s how we got married!” Naga explained for the millionth time to yet another innkeeper.

I drank my mead and ate my steak with a frown, watching as my wife retold the story again to everyone in the vicinity. No one cared, no one wanted to hear, least of all me.

“Uh, that sure is swell, ma’am,” the innkeeper said with a sheepish smile. “You sure, uh, gave a lot of extra detail that maybe wasn’t necessary, though.”

“Yep,” I groaned, unable to do anything else but sit through her humiliating story.

“Oh, but you need to know how my adorable wife squirmed!” Naga laughed.

“Erm, not to butt into your relationship, ma’am, but your wife doesn’t seem to appreciate it…”

“Nonsense!” Naga went on laughing. “If she hated it that much, she’d have gone through with that Giga Slave spell!”

I sighed.

“Giga… Slave…?”

“Yes, you know, the spell that could destroy the whole world as we know it!”

“Can’t say I do…”

“Well, she was about to cast it when we were first wed, but decided against it! Isn’t that sweet?”

“Erm…”

“Personally, Lina Inverse would never be my first choice to be my wife, but oh! The way she fawns over me and follows me around like a lost puppy, how could I say no? She has trouble being honest with herself and her feelings and is a bit frumpy here and there and certainly below my level, but I am so generous and love to please my wife! Ohohohoho~!”

I really should have casted it. I should have gone through with the Giga Slave.

…

At the end of the night, just like every night, Naga and I came to our room to rest and prepare for the next day’s adventure. With just the two of us by ourselves, I allowed my hand to brush against hers, to interlock our fingers together.

“Ohohoho, Lina Inverse, you cute thing!” she said, poking my head irritatingly. “Need some attention tonight?”

I didn’t respond. I didn’t need attention from her! I didn’t! But… It was nice to share a bed with someone. I never realized how hard it was to sleep alone. Even with Naga’s tossing and turning and snoring and general annoyances, I always felt so soothed by having her at my side.

I looked up at my blushy, lanky, monster of a wife. She smiled just as brightly, just as smugly as always, never letting anything bother her. Like always, she knew what this meant.

Naga leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. “Love you~!” she cooed in that annoying voice of hers.

“Love you too,” I said quietly.

Like every night and all the nights after that, we slept peacefully. Mostly. I got used to her snoring.

#Slayers #Lina Inverse #Naga the Serpent #Fanfiction #My Stuff #yuri #Lina/Naga #Nagaverse #that's a cute ship name right #Lina Inverse x Naga the Serpent #Lina x Naga #there we go

[unsleepingtales]

Burrow's End Episode 2 Reactions!

Ok so I watched this spread out over last night and this morning and now I'm in a Great mood for class! This episode was so good though. Really really truly this is wonderful and I love this season.

She thought they would have greater numbers?? Aabria you’re the one who wrote it what do you mean

Erika’s character look is so cool

Electricity?

That is what mothers are like yeah.

I don’t know about every stoat in the world being able to harness lightning magic but sure okay

This line of thinking from Tula feels very in line with what Brennan’s talked about in the past of it always being valuable for someone to have basic needs in mind, and it making everything easier and more enjoyable when those things are considered first.

Oooh paladin things!

This season is going to fuck me up incredibly badly and it’s not even going to be the sad shit it’s just going to be the parent/child interactions.

It hurts to be awake because it’s all I ever think about and there are no answers. So real.

Ava is so good to watch

Every time it cuts to Erika-

Ugh I love dnd so much

Every time Brennan gets a nat1 he kind of hides behind it lol

Tula has a -1 to arcana???

Love to see the weird british things counter return

Cageyyyy

Bear nearby and bear has small friends?

BATTLE MAP BATTLE MAP

THE WHOLE MAP IS A BEAR

Vampire chipmunk??? What the fuck what the fuck what the fuckkkk

WHAT

Ok oh my gif the threatening energy in “Oh, you didn’t beat me.”

WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD WHAT I HATE THAT WHAT

I hate it I hate it I hate it no god please no

ON THE DOME TOO??

Izzy is so right about the magic school bus thing

My soul shoots straight out of my ass, into hell. 🙂.

This is so unpleasant to look at

This does not feel proportional but it’s fine this is fine

HOW IS THIS BEAR ALIVE

Erika is so good at being The Old Lady

Be better!!

So help me I will turn this bear around!

Oh my god

I get that the heart beating is important to convey that the bear is still alive but jesus

There’s literally enough bear already.

Parasitic chipmunks nesting inside a bear. Good lord.

God I keep looking at the projection. That’s so unsettling.

Bad! This feels bad!

Oh my GOD

What oh god please no

What a brilliant episode to be watching while I have breakfast

I’m so curious if the bear’s actions are legendary actions or lair actions

Oh that was such a new york mother voice

That was literally a commercial break. The Iyengar-Mulligan bit. That was a comic relief commercial break

Horrible!!!

Eraser destroying power couple lmao

Like a stoat!

As an experienced babysitter I can confirm. Eight year olds are strong and it is because they don’t know they are. Being punched by an eight year old fucking hurts.

They’re taking the Alvin thing so far and it’s incredible

Ava WHAT are you doing

Oh I had a physical reaction to that. That was so unpleasant.

You think you’ve got this (threatening)

(Aabria laughs at the nerve of this play)

I love seeing my own table dynamics reflected in others. Because this wild swinging from hysterical laughter to jaw dropping horror is exactly what happened literally four days ago in my current game.

If your spine isn’t working store bought is fine

I dislike this strongly

She’s in the medulla oblongata! (Mentopolis)

FUCK YEAH LILA

Oh my god Aabria

Terrifying right now but like I’m a fun way

Just a lil blood soaked guy

I really appreciate how Aabria always mentions who’s up next so they can prep

I love doing things that potentially have great consequences just to see what it would do.

Oh we’re in blue again ok

What a wild thing to be happening right now

Oh good god

Do NOT eat it

What oh god what the fuck are you doing

MID COMBAT LEVEL UP???

Oh ok.

No I don’t believe that they’re dead- well, they don’t look great…

Pick your one favorite organ

The devil inside my child’s head!

Level up eyyy

What a visual

And also to you :)

Oh my god

Ok! What a time. Wow.

#burrow’s end #reactions #verbal component #burrow's end

[cha-melodius]

Firstprince and #11 for the winter prompts!!!

(Helloooooo and Happy New Year! Convienent that at least one of these is still timely, lol. This is 11. "Competition to see who can bring the hottest date to the New Year’s party," though I've left the parenthetical spoiler out here and in the fic notes on AO3. Office AU, multiple POV. I hope you enjoy!)

May Your New Years Dreams Come True

Read it on AO3 (T, 3.1k)

Henry ~~~~~

It’s a confluence of unfortunate events that sets the whole thing off.

Henry’s standing in front of the electric kettle in the break room, waiting for his water to boil and minding his own business, when he hears a familiar cadence of footsteps coming down the corridor. After all this time, he still can’t help but tense up, no matter how hard he tries to be something approaching normal around him.

The arrival of one Alex Claremont-Diaz will never fail ruin Henry’s cool.

This time, though, he’s not alone. The nasal pitch of Hunter’s voice carries down the hallway and into the break room, even as Alex’s steps pick up speed in a futile attempt to lose him. Henry stares down at the kettle and wills it to boil faster, or for them to bypass the break room entirely, but luck is not on his side today. Alex strides in, Hunter hot on his heels, and walks immediately over to the coffee pot next to where Henry stands.

“Fox,” Alex says in greeting, and somehow that one syllable manages to be loaded.

“Alex,” Henry returns. He quirks an eyebrow; Alex rolls his eyes in the rough direction of where Hunter is still behind him and makes a gagging face that has Henry pressing his lips together against a laugh.

“… so I told her about the party and of course she wants to come. I mean, who could blame her?” Hunter is saying, the inane babbling finally resolving into words in Henry’s consciousness. “What about you, Alex? Do you have a date for the party yet?”

“Hm?” Alex hums, finally looking away from where he’s been seemingly trying to stare a hole in Henry’s head. He turns toward Hunter and smiles insincerely. “Oh, sure. Definitely. Super hot.”

Henry blinks. He doesn’t know what he expected Alex’s answer to be, but it wasn’t that.

“Oh yeah?” Hunter replies eagerly. “How hot are we talking? Because this girl I’m bringing”—he whistles in a way that makes Henry cringe—“she’s so hot.”

“Yeah, man,” Alex says in that tone of voice that Henry suspects Hunter doesn’t realize is mocking him. “Tall. Blond. Legs for days.” He pauses, his grin sharpening as he leans back against the counter with his coffee. “In fact, I’d wager money my date will by far be the hottest there.”

Hunter scoffs, which honestly Henry doesn’t understand. It’s not like Alex hasn’t pulled in some real lookers to previous years’ parties, much to Henry’s chagrin. “Really? You want to bet?”

Alex shrugs. “Sure.”

“Henry,” Hunter says suddenly, finally—and unfortunately—acknowledging that he’s actually been standing there the whole time. “You want in on this?”

“Yeah, Fox,” Alex jumps in unexpectedly, a challenging glint in his eye and an aggressive smirk on his lips. “What about your date? You want in on this?”

No, Henry most certainly does not. He doesn’t know why it didn’t occur to him that this would be an issue. The office’s party is legendary. Instead of throwing a holiday do, they go all out on New Year’s Eve: black tie, caviar, a view of the ball drop in Times Square, and of course, endless, overflowing champagne. Henry always attends alone—a fact which he knows Alex is well familiar with—because although he’s out to a significant portion of company’s employees, he’s never really felt a need to let the rest of them know anything about his personal life. It doesn’t help that none of his prospective dates never seem have the potential to match up to the one he’s always wanted to be there with. To the one person he’s longed to kiss at midnight ever since he started working here.

The same person who happens to be currently trying to set him afire with his mind from across his coffee cup. Who has to make everything into a competition. How Henry ended up regrettably and hopelessly in love with this man, he’ll never understand.

Still, there’s no explaining why his mouth opens and he says, “Why not? Fifty quid.”

“You talk like an alien,” Alex says immediately, rolling his eyes. “But you’re on. In dollars, none of that make-believe money y’all have.”

“Nice,” Hunter adds, unfortunately reminding both of them that he’s still in the room. “Let the best man win.”

~~~~~ Nora ~~~~~

“You gotta help me,” Alex says in a rush, closing the supply closet door behind him when he finds her.

Nora sighs and sets down the three reams of paper that she’d come in there to get, taking in the disarray of his curls, as if he’s been running his hands through them, and the slightly wild look in his eyes. “What did you do now?”

“It was just supposed to be a stupid joke,” he whines, like that’s should mean anything to her. “And somehow now it’s a whole thing. I think half the office is in on it.”

“Ohhhhh. The bet,” she surmises, letting a smirk tip onto her lips. It had somehow become all anyone in the office wanted to talk about in the last two days. “Yeah, not one of your best ideas. On the bright side, though, the pot is going to be huge. Maybe I can get that new GPU I’ve been wanting.”

“Hold on, you’re not telling me that you bought in too?” Nora nods, and Alex groans. “Jesus, Nora. You can’t be serious.”

“Why not? Your sister is a stone-cold fox, and in an evening gown?” She gives a low whistle. “It’s in the bag.”

“Don’t.”

Nora looks at him, then, really looks at him, for the first time since he cornered her. He’s twitchy, worried like she hasn’t seen him in a while. Whatever issue he’s currently having with Henry—because it’s always something to do with Henry—it’s weighing on him more than usual. “Wait, do you even have a date?”

“Of course I do,” he scoffs.

“Oh yeah?” she says, raising her eyebrows. As far as she knows, Alex hasn’t been out with anyone who wasn’t her or June in ages. He’s certainly not seeing anyone. “Who is she? Do I know her?”

Alex fidgets some more, chewing on the corner of his thumb. A tell. 100% chance he’s lying about something; she gives it a 45% likelihood he doesn’t have a date yet, 34% he does but she’s not actually as hot as he’s making her out to be, 21% that something else is going on that she doesn’t have the data for yet.

“Yes. No. It’s not important,” he mumbles as he tries to wave her off. “I have a date.”

She bumps the ‘something else’ percentage to 39%, maybe higher, and considers trying to ply him with bourbon sometime in the next few nights. “So it’s about Henry’s date, then,” she guesses.

At that, he looks momentarily stricken before he reigns it back in. “Why would you say that?” he demands. She definitely hit a nerve.

“Henry’s never brought a date to these things before, but he’s bringing one this year. You’re being weird about something. Ergo, it follows that Henry’s date has something to do with it.”

“You’re insane. That’s not— it has nothing to do with that.” He straightens, and sniffs dismissively. “I just think that ranking peoples’ dates’ hotness is reductive.”

“Right,” Nora laughs. “Now you do. You’re just worried you’re going to lose.”

“Definitely not,” he huffs. “Who’s even going to be the judge?”

“Oh, that’s already settled. Zahra said she would do it.” It’s the perfect solution, really. If anyone could have the authority to judge and not have anyone A) take it personally, or B) argue, it would be Zahra.

Alex drags a hand over his face, groaning miserably. “Now Zahra’s involved too?!”

~~~~~ Pez ~~~~~

Pez is pretty sure Henry is avoiding him.

It’s not an easy thing to do, given that they work in the same division and also spend a large amount of their free time together, but somehow Henry is managing it. He slips away whenever he hears Pez coming, and when Pez began sneaking up on him, he started wriggling away with some made up excuse. Pez knows very well why: the bet. The one that he couldn’t believe Henry actually agreed to when he’d heard about it secondhand. Of course, all sense seems to fly out the window whenever they’re dealing with darling Alex, so perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised.

Eventually, after an entire two days of fruitless pursuit, Pez simply shows up at his apartment unannounced and unwilling to take no for an answer. Henry surprisingly buzzes him in without question and answers the door straight away, and the way that his eyes go wide in surprise and his face actually falls—wow, rude—when he sees it’s Pez on his doorstep confirms he was expecting someone else.

“Pez,” he says weakly, trying to recover his composure and largely failing. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a guy drop by to visit his best friend?” Pez replies, pushing his way in before Henry can close the door on him. He holds out the bottle of brandy he brought as reinforcements. “We need to chat, my dear.”

Henry deflates. His hair has been styled and he’s wearing the blue sweater that Pez instructed him to deploy when he really wants to make a guy swoon over his eyes; definitely a date. “Look, I understand what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it, I do, but…” He hesitates. “I’m expecting company tonight.”

“Company,” Pez echoes, arching one elegant eyebrow at him. “Please tell me this company is the mysterious scorching-hot date that you’ve somehow managed to acquire for the New Year’s party.”

“No. Yes.” Henry sighs. “He’s going to be here any minute, Pez.”

“How convenient. I’m dying to meet him.”

“Pez—”

“Hazza, I don’t know why you’re hiding him from me,” Pez interrupts before he can finish his protest. “This is a good thing, as far as I’m concerned. I love you, but if I have to spend another New Year’s Eve watching you sulk next to the croquembouche while Alex kisses someone else at midnight I might lose my bloody mind.”

“I can promise you that’s not going to happen this year,” Henry says. He actually seems to mean it, even.

“Good. Well I’m glad you found someone, even if you won’t let me meet him yet for reasons that are entirely unfathomable to me,” Pez says, though he’s not at all satisfied.  Then he adds, as an afterthought, “Especially after having to listen to Alex go on about how ridiculously attractive his date is. I rather think he must be overselling it, personally.”

He does not miss the way that Henry goes slightly pink at that and looks away, unwilling to meet his eye, so perhaps things aren’t as rosy as they might appear. If Henry’s let himself get pulled into a silly competition because he thinks it’s going to get Alex to finally notice him, Pez is afraid he’s going to be sorely mistaken. He just hopes the poor sod that Henry’s dragging to this thing isn’t expecting too much.

“I’ll tell you soon,” Henry promises, looking slightly pained. “It’s only… everything is very new still. I don’t want to jinx anything.”

That’s— well, unexpected. Pez doesn’t know how Henry could have found some chap that he could be this interested in without him knowing about it, but apparently just such a thing seems to have happened. As his eyebrows climb ceiling-ward, he asks, “It’s serious then?”

Henry manages a small smile. “I hope so.”

~~~~~ Alex ~~~~~

Alex tugs at the front of his red velvet tux jacket even though it’s perfectly straight already, unable to stop fidgeting as anticipation thrums through his veins. The main doors to the venue keep opening and admitting not the person he’s waiting for, and he can’t resist turning to look even though he knows it’s not quite time. This was his plan, so there’s no one to blame but himself. Make an entrance, he’d said. It’ll be hilarious. Along with, Yes, I’m sure.

He’d had to say that last one a lot. This whole thing is kind of a big statement, and he could have just… not made it. His coworkers aren’t entitled to his personal life. He can’t express how much he wants this, though. He doesn’t want to hide, not when this feels like such a important part of himself. Ok, he probably could have made a smaller statement, but in his defense he never expected it blow up like this. In the end, he decided to lean into the absurdity of it all. Nora will probably call him a drama queen and June will roll her eyes, but the looks on their faces will be worth it.

Somehow he’s gotten stuck standing next to Hunter, which is terrible but also kind of appropriate given how this has started. The other man has barely left Alex alone since he arrived sans date, like he won’t be satisfied until he sees whoever is meeting Alex at the party. For his part, Alex has to admit that Hunter’s date turned out to be a very attractive woman, whom he has no idea how Hunter of all people pulled.

Still not hotter than his date.

“This mystery date of yours going to show up any time soon?” Nora teases, appearing at his side with June in tow and, inexplicably, seemingly Pez in tow as well. Alex is not sure he wants to know what’s going on there.

“Yeah. Any minute now,” Alex answers with more confidence than he feels.

“I can’t believe Hazza’s not here yet,” Pez mutters, stretching up on his toes to look around, as if Henry wouldn’t be obvious. He’s taller than most of the office, save Shaan.

Alex’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and he doesn’t have to check it to know what it says. A few moments later, the venue doors open again, and this time when Alex inevitably turns to look he sees Henry walking in wearing an impeccably tailored classic black tux.

“There,” Alex says, pointing across the room.

“Huh? Where?” Hunter asks as he cranes to look. “Is she behind Henry?”

“Not exactly.”

“I don’t see anyone new, Alex, are you sure—”

Alex doesn’t hear the rest, or anything that anyone else around him says, because Henry’s confidently striding across the room toward him with a smile slowly curling onto his lips, and nothing else in the world matters anymore. Henry barely comes to a stop in front of him before Alex is tugging him down into a kiss, because standing in any proximity with Henry and not kissing him is a crime (sometimes, work days are torture). Henry’s lips move softly against his as his hand comes to rest on the narrow part of Alex’s waist, and Alex simply lets himself get lost in it for an unknown amount of time before he finally pulls back.

“Hey baby,” he says, grinning like an absolute fool. “Took you long enough. Any later and you might have missed the judging.”

“I arrived precisely when you told me to, you absolute demon,” Henry retorts affectionately. “In any case, I’m pretty sure we’ve disqualified ourselves, love.”

“Ask me if I care,” Alex murmurs against his lips, then kisses him soundly again before he can answer.

They spend most of the night fielding questions, unsurprisingly; more than once they have to engineer an actual escape from the collective clutches of Pez, Nora, and June, stealing off into a secluded corridor to get lost in each other’s arms and mouths for as long as they can manage before they get dragged back to the party. But even when they have to behave themselves and actually socialize with their coworkers, the novelty of being there together, of being able to slip his arm around Henry’s waist and press close against his side, of not having to constantly moderate looks on his face, of being able to be himself, is intoxicating. Alex feels drunk on it even moreso than the champagne, though the champagne is definitely helping.

A little before midnight, their boss commandeers the microphone from the DJ and calls for everyone’s attention. “All right you miscreants,” Zahra announces, and she must be fairly drunk herself because she’s nearly laughing as she speaks. “I’ve been informed that it’s my responsibility to judge—Jesus fucking Christ—hottest date, because you all are apparently fourteen years old.” Her eyes sweep the assembled crowd and find Alex and Henry, who remain practically glued together. “I’ve also been recently informed that two of the initiators of this farce were operating with insider information, so really, I should call the whole thing off.”

“Boo!” Alex calls out, which draws scattered laughter from the others and a reluctantly fond eye roll from Zahra.

“I should, but I won’t,” she continues.

“So who won?” someone calls out.

“Oh, that’s easy,” Zahra says, her smile going wickedly smug. “Me.”

Then she takes a few purposeful strides to the right, grabs Shaan by the arm, and drags him into a lingering kiss. The crowd immediately bursts into surprised chatter and cheers, and someone—look, it might have been Alex, but he’s not owning up to it—wolf-whistles, which finally makes her break off and glare at all of them.

“All right, all right, enough of that!” she shouts over them. “Go drink your fucking champagne and get ready for the new year. The ball drops in two minutes!”

One minute and forty-five seconds later, Henry has Alex wrapped up in his arms and is staring down at him with a look that’s so fucking smitten that Alex might actually melt. They’re standing in front of the picture windows that look out at the ball in Times Square, its lights glittering as it prepares to make its descent, but despite the frankly epic view, they only have eyes for each other. 

“Sorry I cost you fifty quid,” Henry says, sounding not very sorry at all.

“It’s dollars, you alien,” Alex huffs as he grins up at him. Henry is so achingly beautiful, the angles of his face lit up by the lights of the city, and Alex knows he was right about the bet no matter what. He shrugs, trying and probably failing to look nonchalant. “S’ok. I won anyway.”

Henry laughs. “That was terribly sentimental of you, love.”

“I know,” Alex groans, pretending to gag. “Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Around them, the countdown starts; neither of them even have a glass of champagne, though that’s probably for the best at this point. “I’ve been waiting to do this for a long time,” Henry murmurs, just audible over the shouted counting of their coworkers.

“Do what?”

And then, at midnight, Henry kisses him.

#firstprince #rwrb #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #firstprince fic #firstprince fanfic #rwrb fic #rwrb fanfic #my fic #1 million words challenge

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU, Grumpy Grizzly, Shot Down

Word Count:  1.2k

“Yeah right, like anyone would ever want to date him.”

“It’s not a date, Madeline,” the girl grumbled, “not a real one…just say yes.  It’s an invite to a Rho party.”

“I don’t care!” she squeaked, looking away from her teammate, “I am not going to a party on Lee Bodecker’s arm.  He’s a pig and an asshole…”

“Most Rhos are,” her friend reminded her, “Just do it. Come on. You know they throw legendary parties.”

“You’re only saying that because Barnes invited you.”

“Yeah?” she asked, “What’s your point?”

“There’s nothing wrong with him!”

“He’s an asshole too!”

“But at least he’s hot,” she growled, pushing her friend lightly, “Bodecker is just…ugh…I don’t want to go into this with you…why couldn’t someone like Everett ask me?”

Her friend scoffed, “you want to fight that tigress that he’s had on his arm the past few weeks, kudos for you…”

“You get what I mean,” she groaned looking back away from her friend, “Curtis is a bear…but he’s thick in the right ways…Lee…isn’t.”

“Whatever Kia,” her friend replied with a laugh, “but I can’t pull any strings to get you in.  So it’s either Bodecker or nothing.”

“I think I’ll choose nothing!”

“I uh…I’m still here, you know,” Lee growled, growing angrier by the second as he glared at the two women who had proceeded to have the conversation as though he would somehow disappear.  They both looked at him, the chatty parrot shifters tinging pink as they became embarrassed.  Lee bit his lip and shrugged them off, “Whatever…I was trying to be nice because Buck asked your fucking friend, you uptight cunt.  You’re a stuck-up bitch with no ass.”

Before she could even so much as gasp in shock, Lee had skated off towards his teammates who were actively working on their defense. 

“Don’t worry man…I’ll make sure Buck uninvites that bitch,” Curtis said, hitting Lee’s shoulder, “that was fucking brutal to watch.”

“Or we can embarrass the fuck out of both of them?” Pronge smirked, his gaze shifting to the two parrots who were still gawking at him.  Lee looked away; his ego heavily bruised, “I can have em regretting talking about you like that.  They’ll be the talk of the campus…you know…next, after fucking Alana..”

“Fucking bitches,” he groaned, more to himself than his brothers, “why do you guys keep making me ask girls to our parties?  The only ones that say yes end up ditching me halfway through em anyways!”

“You’ll find a girl, Lee,” Curtis said hopefully, “I-I can see if Adriana made any cute little omega friends in her classes if you want…invite them for you?”

Lee shook his head, unable to handle the thought that he couldn’t get his own date so his friends had to do it for him, “Guys, I-“

“I’m gonna fuck that girl up.” Pronge decided, skating over to the two figure skaters who were still on the edge of the rink.  Curtis watched as the girl blushed, and quickly nodded her head.

“You cool with what he’s doing?” Curtis asked briefly, “I’ll put his ass in line if you’re not…”

“You know there’s no stopping Freezy when he gets his mind set on something...fuck you know how he acted out last week with that human he was dating.”

Curtis put his hand warmly over his friend’s shoulder, “we’ll get you a nice little obedient omega, Lee…don’t worry about it, sheriff.”

Lee gave a sad smile to his friend, and president of his frat, “r-really…it’s not necessary, Curtis…I think I’ll just hang out in my room and drink alone.  Maybe get some studying done…I don’t know…but I-”

“Be a man, Lee!” Curtis exclaimed, cutting his friend off while reciting their motto to the alpha.  He punched the chest plate of his friend’s padding to emphasize that he needed to man up, “we’ll get you your obedient little thing and you’ll be cuffing her to your bed, knotting the little slut before you know it!”

“Curt-“

“I’m gonna get you laid this year buddy!” Curtis smiled, cutting his friend off, “I found my mate and I’m not just going to leave you in the dust.  You’ve been my best friend since we were knee high, Lee…den brothers.”

“Den brothers!”  Lee groaned as his friend skated away.  He knew Curtis wasn’t joking.  The two of them really had been friends since they were cubs, and Curtis always watched out for the chubby alpha, making sure that despite his quiet exterior, no one ever took advantage of him.  But Curtis had something in common with his best friend that bonded them since they were cubs; regardless of how quiet Lee was; he had just as bad a mean streak as Curtis.  They’d even joked when they were kids that they’d find their mates around the same time and they’d be ‘den brothers,’ making sure that they had kids together that became best friends just like them. 

Any time Curtis had a girlfriend, he made sure Lee was taken care of too, and now that he had his mate, he was going to make sure that Lee had the same.  Lee was grateful, deep down, knowing that despite how people looked at the two asshole alphas, they always had each other.  And then there was Pronge. 

He was like the red-headed step-child of their little friend group.  A lynx, adopted by bears Pronge was a weird mix of his own instinctual habits with the ones of his learned family.  He was chuckling as he skated back, “Uptight little bitch.”

“She say no to you too?” Lee asked hopefully.  Pronge shook his head and he frowned.

“No…but she wants to make sure I don’t ditch her at the party and leave her with you,” he smirked, “oh…I’m gonna fuck her up good.”  

Lee frowned.  Another small dig at his pride.  His bear rolled over in his mind, over what felt like the constant stream of rejection from women, “Pronge, can we maybe not talk about how women don’t want to be stuck with me for a few minutes?”

“Don’t worry buddy,” he smiled, “I’m gonna be her little date for the night then get her really fucked up and let the pledges have their way with her…she’s gonna be on the latest installment of Rho Girls Unhinged.”

Lee closed his eyes and put his hand over his forehead, instantly rubbing his temples from the oncoming migraine. 

“Listen…I understand that you’re doing this for me…but I’m a cop, Freezy,” he groaned, “you can’t tell me you’re going to drug a girl and let the freshies take turns knotting her while you film it without her consent.”

“Hey, hey!” he said slowly, holding his hands up in defense, “I know what you do, buddy…I never said any specifics…and drugs?  What drugs?”

“Pronge…”

“You have such a wild imagination, buddy,” Pronge grinned, tapping his friend on the back, “drugs…where would I even get such a thing?  Who does drugs?”

“Bobby, you’re the biggest dealer on campus.”

“PShhhh,” his friend laughed, shooting him a wink, “Lee, you’re crazy!”

“Freezy-“

“You want first shot at her?” he offered sneakily, “I can blur out your face if you want…your little cop buddies will never have to know.”

“You’re fucking gross,” he laughed, looking back to the rink entrance where the girls no longer stood, “you know that, right?”

“And yet they always keep coming back.  They wall want a taste of freezy.”

“SHERIFF!  FREEZY!” Curtis called from halfway down the rink, “STOP FUCKING AROUND!  WE HAVE TO PRACTICE!”

Tag list:  @lohnes16, @bxnnywriting, @krissy25

#a/b/o fic #a/b/o au #a/b/o #school days au #school days #college #dark lee bodecker #lee bodecker #soft lee bodecker #alpha lee bodecker #werebear #robert pronge #mr freezy #alpha curtis everett #curtis everett

[biolizardboils]

Crumpled Up Pages: Old Captain Underpants WIPs #1-4

The First Epic Movie turned 5 earlier this month, and I dug through some old folders to write this post about it. In the process, I found some fanfic ideas I’d written down, fleshed out a little, and then forgot about for years. So while hyperfixation still has its grip on me (and while there’s still some extra activity in the tag), I figured I’d finally set these dust bunnies free!

A few ground rules before this deep dive descends:

When I say “fleshed out a little,” I’m putting major emphasis on the “little.” Some of these docs contain detailed notes and snippets of dialogue, but others are just a title and a vague one-sentence summary. I’ll be transparent about what each one contains, and try to fill in the bigger gaps by memory.

If you were around for the CU Fandom Renaissance of 2017, some of the ideas here might sound familiar, ‘cus I refitted them into fanart and headcanon dumps that actually got posted. I’ll link to those where they’re relevant.

These were all written and abandoned months before a CU show was even announced, so there’s no Epic Tales content or characters in here. Sorry if you were expecting any!

I’m splitting this into two posts cus it was getting and taking too long. This first part will cover the 4 simplest, fluffiest WIPs; the second one will tackle the 6 sadder, more character-heavy ones. And with character-heavy stuff comes spoilers for the movie and books — especially the books. If you haven’t read all 12, you’re probably wondering why anyone would care about Captain Underpants spoilers. First off, your loss; second off, BEWARE!

And finally: if you write fanfiction and feel inspired to use any of these ideas? You have my permission to do so! Seriously, steal anything here and put your own spin on them! I don’t care much for credit, but if these old things help fuel someone else’s creativity, I’d love to know!

That’s enough prep, probably. Plug your nose!

WIP #1: Inspiration

It can come from even the worst of places. ...And people, in this case. [Book!Verse, pre-Book 1.]

This document contains a long script, but no context; I can remember the gist though, so I’ll insert that in-between dialogue. Basically it’s third grade, and George and Harold are in detention again. They cheat to fill up the blackboards like usual, but they’re too bummed out to start a comic afterwards. George sits around stewing in his frustration while Harold angry-scribbles Mr. Krupp yelling.

“...Why does he hate us so much, George?”

“I dunno. Maybe ‘cause he can’t handle our coolness? …Nice drawing, by the way.”

“Thanks. …It’s making me sad just lookin’ at it, though.”

“Yeah, me too. …I wonder what he’d look like if he smiled.”

“...?”

“...I mean, like, a real smile, not an I’ve-got-you-now smile.”

“Oh. Hmmm…”

Harold erases Krupp’s wide yelling mouth and draws a goofy smile in its place.

“Aw, man, now it’s just creepy.”

“Darn.”

The boys keep editing the drawing until it stops being creepy and starts being funny. George erases Krupp’s toupee, remembering the time they stole it and the teachers couldn’t take him seriously without it. Harold draws one of his office curtains around his neck, adding more color and kinetic energy. Soon they’re struggling not to laugh out loud, but they manage to calm down… until George gets an idea that takes the sketch from great to legendary.

“Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. Remember what my pop said about Superman yesterday?”

“That he looks like… DUDE. Duuuuuude.”

Harold redraws Krupp’s entire lower body so he’s only wearing underwear. Then with a flourish, he adds the finishing touch – two dots on his chest – and they both lose it. All their laughter finally prompts the real Krupp to check on them, and predictably, he rips up the drawing. It upsets the boys in the moment, but they’re still in much higher spirits than before, and brainstorm a new comic about their new creation as they skateboard home.

“You think we should make his origin issue first?”

“Naw, let’s get right to the action! His outfit’s already the perfect hook – finally, a superhero who actually does fly around in his underwear!”

“Yeah, and he could fight with Wedgie Power!”

God, rediscovering this gave me the most uncontrollable grin. From the date it was last opened, I think this fic was meant for September 1st, 2017 (Book 1’s 20th anniversary), and I gave up after missing it. For shame, 2017!me. For shame.

——————————————————————————————————

WIP #2: Untitled Boomer One-shot

Harold won’t admit it, but he’d slay a dragon for his little sister. [Book!Verse but only cus this scene was deleted and is thus dubiously canon]

This doc’s nothing but notes, so I’ll paraphrase the plot: Ms. Hutchins takes Heidi and Harold to Boomer the Purple Dragon: Live! Harold was gonna stay with the Beards but they cancelled last minute, and he’s grumpy about it the whole time. When the show ends, kids gather in front of the stage to meet Boomer; Ms. Hutchins suddenly gets an important call, and makes Harold walk Heidi up there. 

But the dragon’s mascot suit is big up close for a 6-year-old, and Heidi gets so scared she starts crying. She’s rooted to the spot and waves her arms in panic, but “Boomer” thinks she wants a hug and waddles closer and closer... until Harold kicks him in the groin. Their mom understandably grounds him for it, but Heidi is grateful and calls him her hero :)

This one was based on the classic “kid hits mascot in the weak spot” genre of AFV, but also on an early memory of mine! My sister and I loved Arthur as babies, so our mom took us to see this thing. The characters suddenly being real (and huge) was so upsetting that we scream-cried until she took us home early. (Speaking of Arthur, it’s a shame Heidi’s never really done anything in canon, I can see her having big DW energy.)

——————————————————————————————————

WIP #3: When Worlds Collide

It was less “love at first sight” and more “love at first squawk.” [Book!Verse, Book 7.]

A quick refresher: George told Harold to take Crackers back to dinosaur times, but he left her in the treehouse with Sulu instead. Later in the book, they’re shown snuggling in their sleep 🥺🥺 Anyway, this fic was about what they got up to in between! It’s actually the most complete of the lot, but only because it’s so short and simple.

It opens with Harold introducing them to each other, leaving out some treats for them (hamster food for Sulu, crackers for Crackers), then telling them to play nice until he comes back. They do not. Crackers pulls a Thunderclap the moment Harold leaves, Sulu karate-chops her throat until she spits him out, and they wreck half the treehouse in the ensuing chase.

Eventually they settle for standing in opposite corners and hissing at each other. Then Sulu… *squints* …records Crackers’ hisses with his bionic ears and plays them back so they can communicate? …Yeah, okay, why not. The outline ends after this sudden development; I’m guessing they talk things out and start to catch feels, before settling in to sleep. Anyway here’s the few sentences I actually wrote out:

Harold opened the door, Sulu got on the floor, and in walked the curious dinosaur.

[…] As predator and prey faced off, a little boy and his mother happened to be walking down Vine Street. “Mommy,” said the little boy, “I can hear a bionic hamster and a pterodactyl fighting in that treehouse!”

“Oh, please,” his mother scoffed. “How do you even know what that would sound like?”

The boy considered pointing out the CHOMPs, SQUEAKs, and SQUAAAWKs emanating from the tree in big blocky letters, but decided it wasn’t quite worth the trouble.

The doc ends with a reminder to not refer to Crackers with any pronouns until the two pets can understand each other. Also I was gonna title this after a Tony Orlando and Dawn song as foreshadowing, but I couldn’t choose one, so instead I went with this Spongebob song lol.

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WIP #4: Untitled Tommy One-shot

The school’s been near bully-free ever since Treehouse Comix Inc. was formed. Tommy reflects on this from the safety of his locker. [Movie!Verse with a hint of Book 9. CW: discussion of bullying.]

A Kid I Never Named knocks on Tommy’s locker and offers to trade Pilkeymon. They have to be sneaky, because it’s the 90′s and they have to slip a Link Cable through the locker vents without being spotted.

As they trade, the other kid asks Tommy why he hides all the time. He explains that it’s a habit from when Kipper Krupp terrorized the halls. But Kipper left four years ago, and the legend of Wedgie Magee has kept other bullies at bay ever since; the other kid points this out and asks why he still hides. This led into “a somber discussion on adverse school experiences and the long-lasting coping mechanisms they cause” (exact words from the doc). Unfortunately 2017!me never wrote any dialogue, and I’m mad at her for that.

Trivia drop! I used the Pilkeymon joke a few times at @treehouseblogsinc, but it’s way older than that, and also not mine: Pilkey.com used to have a coloring game named Pilkeymon’s Paintbox. It even had art of Dav’s old spiky-haired avatar with Pikachu ears! There’s no trace of it on the Internet anymore, but I swear I’m not making this up.

I left a note here to add that Tommy has glow-in-the-dark stickers in his locker, which ended up in this headcanon dump. There’s also a list of last names I came up with for him but never chose between: Chambers, Lakatos (which I shared once here), and Lockenspiel. Right now I’m leaning towards the last one, it rolls nicely off the tongue.

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That’s it for now! Not gonna lie, I’m still nervous about posting the other 6 WIPs. Most of them deal with Book 12, and all the tough subjects that that entails. But hey, I made this bed, and by God am I gonna lie in it. Thanks for reading so far!

#captain underpants the first epic movie #captain underpants: the first epic movie #dav pilkey #mr. krupp #benjamin krupp #benny krupp #ms. hutchins #grace hutchins #boomer the purple dragon #sulu the bionic hamster #crackers the pterodactyl #crackers the quetzalcoatlus #sulu #crackers #robby and ethel hoskins #tommy #long #me talking #crumpled up pages #my writes #george beard #george #harold hutchins #harold #heidi hutchins #heidi #cu books #cu movie #captain underpants #cu

[randomshyperson]

The Scarlet Witch Prophecy - The Fourth Year (Part I) - Chapter 04

Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3 || All Works Masterlist

Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.

Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies.

Chapter Words:  9.832K

Authors note: In this one I start to explore more of the magical bond between reader and wanda, and well, it will be very much about that from this one on. I need to know if you all prefer longer (and more detailed) chapters about the reader's years at hogwarts like this one (which has been divided into three parts) or if you prefer the pace of the first three chapters (with only the relevant events of the whole year). Enjoy your reading.

//-// x //-// //-// x //-//

It's very different having Nebula and Gamora at home. 

You were used to having only Tony and Jarvis, and occasionally your father, but now that you have your friends sleeping in the next two rooms, you always have someone your own age to talk to and laugh about the same things.

It took a while for things to normalize, especially the first week. Thanos was furious about the letter that Gamora sent him, saying that they would live with you now. He showed up in the yard of your house the next day, and you have never seen your father so enraged.

They talked for many minutes, and then Thanos demanded to speak to his daughters. Nebula was trembling as she walked out the door, but your father stayed by their side during the entire conversation.

When they went back inside, Thanos left. Two days later, your father signed the adoption papers.

You were surprised when you discovered that Nebula was as passionate about magical mechanics as Tony, so it didn't take long for it to become commonplace for her to disappear into the basement of the house along with your brother, both of them wrapped up in some strange invention. You and Gamora usually spent most of your time in the backyard, she reading some Arithmanian stuff you didn't understand, while you played quidditch, or the two of you tended the garden. Mantis also came to visit you in the summer, and Groot was the size of a small dog now.

You exchanged many letters with Wanda during the vacations. And when Iron brought another one of them a little after dinner, on the antepenultimate week of vacation while you and Gamora were in your room talking about the coming year, she acquired a mischievous look on her face.

"What do you guys talk about so much?" She teased as you took the letter from Iron's beak. You shrugged, feeling your face heat up, and thought it better to look at the paper in your hands than Gamora's face.

“I don’t know,. Everything i think”. You answer.

Gamora is silent as you read the letter. You smile, because it is as if you hear Wanda's voice in the words you read. 

"Can I ask you something?" Gamora speaks next, you make a noise with the little one in agreement, without taking your eyes off the paper. "Have you ever kissed anyone?

"What?" you ask in surprise, raising your eyes to her. "N-no."

Gamora's arms are crossed and she's sitting on the bed, and she raises her eyebrow in disbelief.

"Is that so?" She asks and you swallow dryly, confirming. Her expression softens. "I'm only saying that because a lot of people start dating in third grade."

You close the letter in your hands, placing it on the shelf beside you. Ignoring how the subject makes your stomach flip with nervousness, you rest your hands on your knee.

"Do you think we'll start dating too?" You ask shyly, and Gamora smiles, shrugging.

"Who knows?" She retorts. "I never thought about that either. But I do know that Pietro kissed Monica on the mouth after our leave vacation inside a cabin on the Hogwarts express."

"Are you for real?" You asked in surprise. "How did you find out about that?"

"Quill wrote to me last night." She says. "I forgot to tell you."

"Wow." You say. 

"Yeah." She agrees. "Peter told me that Pietro turned red as a tomato, but kept smiling. I thought Wanda would tell you that."

You bit your tongue to avoid mentioning that you and Wanda don't talk about such things, and cleared your throat before shrugging.

"Maybe Pietro didn't say anything to her." You say. "I probably won't tell Tony when I have my first kiss."

"You're probably right." Gamora said casually. "But you're going to tell me, right? When you kiss someone, you need to tell me how to do it."

You laughed, walking over to Gamora.

"I promise I will." You say extending your pinky to her. She looks at you confused, "It's a pinky promise, haven't you ever sworn like that?"

"That's muggles' stuff." She comments with a smile, and you laugh.

"Yeah, my dad probably learned it from my mom." You say using your other hand to take Gamora's hand. "Come on, you put your finger like this, and then we swear."

Gamora laughed as she followed your commands, and then you repeated the promise. After you yawned, she bade you goodnight and went to her room.

You fought the urge to reread Wanda's letter, and threw yourself on the bed, not understanding why your brain was replaying Gamora's questions in your mind and you kept thinking of Wanda afterwards.

//-//

The Quidditch World Cup is happening this year, and you can hardly contain yourself with excitement.

You had been to the event a few times when you were younger, but now that you actually played quidditch it was a very different feeling.

Your favorite team was the Guardians of the Galaxy, who had played for England for many years, and were also your father's favorite team. Tony stopped liking them the first year, saying that they were losing too many games, but you knew it was because Steve Rogers was rooting for the Brooklyn Soldiers team and Tony was trying to impress him.

All your friends will be at the event, including many thousands of other witches from all over the world. 

You have to wake up at dawn in order not to miss the time of the portal keys that have been scattered around the country by the Ministry of Magic, to prevent wizards from being seen disappearing into inappropriate places that could expose the magical world.

When you came down to the kitchen, everyone was already having breakfast. Your father kissed your forehead as he walked past you, a mug of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

"Finally awake, sleepyhead." Teased Tony when he saw you, you just yawned. 

"Are we leaving already?" You asked sleepily, grabbing some toast.

"Yes, dear." Her father replied looking at his watch. "Get ready soon, or we'll miss the schedule."

You grumble in agreement, hurrying to get back to your room and take a shower. 

When you are ready, and stretching as you walk to the outside of the house, Gamora joins you, a backpack on her back resembling yours.

"I can't wait to see the foreign wizards." She comments excitedly making you smile. Gamora didn't like the sport, and was far more excited to see the witches from the rest of the world than to watch the match.

"I bet there's going to be some Ilvermorny people's stall." You say as you catch up with your father, who was waiting next to Tony and Nebula. Jarvis waves goodbye to you from the doorway, and you begin walking toward the trail beyond the mansion grounds. "They are so show-offy."

Gamora laughs.

"I've never met anyone from the United States." She counters. "But some witches from Japan have been to my house."

You know that the mention of home or Thanos makes Gamora very uncomfortable, so you try to skirt around the subject.

"I guess Nurse Cho was from Mahoutokoro, huh?" You comment, and Gamora shrugs. "Thor had mentioned that during a class, I think."

"I wonder if the other schools are cool like Hogwarts?" She asks, and you smile.

"No place is like Hogwarts."

Gamora laughs, but agrees. You walk in silence for a few more minutes, and it is only when you reach an empty area that you stop.

"Here we are, people." Your father says next, slightly tired from the exercise. He waves for everyone to form a circle as he checks his watch. "Two minutes to go, children. Stand in position please."

There is a small cloth boot in the center of the circle, and you are not the least bit surprised because you know that portal keys are usually the most mundane things you can think of.

You all reach down and touch the boot with your fingertips. You smile at Tony who looks up at you. Two minutes later, you feel a tug, and everything spins around you. Taking a deep breath, you focus on controlling yourself as you are falling into the portal key. And then you land on the ground.

"Here we are." Your father says smiling beside you. You look to the side to see Gamora helping Nebula to stand up properly, as she had remarked that she gets a little queasy with this kind of magic. Tony throws an arm around your shoulders next.

"Ready to see the guardians lose, kid?" He teases causing you to let out a humorless laugh.

"You wish." You grumble pushing Tony lightly, who lets go as he laughs.

And then you start walking again, until you come to a place considerably noisier than where you were before.

The ministry seemed to have bypassed an area with low chains, and you notice the magical aura around the metal, signaling that everything was magically hidden.

There is a wizard in uniform at the entrance, and he collects the tickets before letting you pass into the hut area. 

There are many tents of the most varied characteristics. You laugh in surprise when your gaze catches a conjuration exactly like a vacation castle, but much smaller in size. As you walk through the crowd, your father asks everyone to hold hands so as not to get lost as he guides you to the area where you would be staying.

Your father has rented a tent in a more private area of the place, and there are hardly any witches where you are. You like the silence, but you miss how much more fun the other place seems.

"The Rogers and the Barnes should be here by now I imagine." Your father comments as he waves his wand to open the cabin. You enter the room next, it is like a small winter home inside, very cozy.

"Yes, dad." Tony replies throwing his backpack on one of the couches. "I wrote Steve last night."

Howard grumbles in agreement, walking to the kitchen. You place your backpack on the floor next.

"Daddy, can I go look for Wanda and Pietro?" You ask and your father laughs, denying it.

"You didn't eat anything before you left, honey." He says turning around. "Eat something and then you can go look for them."

You grumble, but agree. While you are making some eggs, Steve's family arrives.

"Howard, you outdo yourself every year, my friend." Joseph Rogers comments as he enters the cabin. Your father smiles cheerfully as he hugs him in greeting, then greets Sarah, Steve's mother, with a kiss on the cheek. He ruffles Steve's hair and pats his arm, repeating the same gesture to Bucky, who follows behind.

" Is your father not here, James?" Howard asks next, and Bucky clears his throat.

"No, sir." He replies. "Since my sisters can't come, he took them to a music event in the muggle world. If you want my opinion, rock concerts are as cool as quidditch."

The comment makes Howard laugh in agreement, but Steve's family doesn't seem to understand very well.

Soon they were all around the room, talking animatedly about the most varied subjects. You exchanged a complicit look with Gamora and Nebula, and you took advantage of your father being involved in a conversation with Joseph to leave the cabin.

"Do you have any idea where Professor Lehnsherr has placed the tents?" Gamora asks you once you are outside and you look around.

"No." You reply. "Wanda just wrote that she and Pietro were going to be here too, but I don't even know if it's Magneto that's bringing them."

"We're just left to look then." Nebula concludes and you nod in agreement, starting to walk.

You walk back to the common tent area, looking around.

Gamora and Nebula are easily distracted by the amount of interesting things to see, and almost lose track of you when some witches from the Salem Institute hand them some exchange pamphlets. 

It is only at the food stall that you finally find who you were looking for.

"My god, is that...?" You hear Gamora exclaim next to you in surprise. You know she was talking about Professor Lehnsherr, who is wearing jeans and a T-shirt and sunglasses and looks very well, and has a completely different posture than he usually has in class, but you are not looking at him anymore. 

Your stomach is restless because you are looking at Wanda, wearing a black skirt with knee socks and boots, and a red jacket. She looks beautiful, and you are blushing.

Gamora waves to them from a distance, and it is Pietro who notices you guys first, waving back cheerfully while nudging Wanda on the shoulder. She blinks in confusion and then smiles when she sees you.

You think your legs have turned to jelly, but you continue walking toward her. 

"It's so good to see you girls" Pietro exclaims happily as he hugs Gamora. 

"Hi, Wanda." You greet with a half-hearted smile, but Wanda's face lights up and she jumps at you, hugging you tight, and making your heart soar. "It's good to see you too." You whisper humorously against her hair, and Wanda releases you with a reddened face, smiling widely.

"I missed you." She says to you shyly making you look away clumsily, but before you can add anything else, Pietro is greeting you as well, and Wanda does the same with your sisters.

"Hello everyone." Said a male voice next, and you stared at Professor Erik awkwardly. He didn't seem bothered by being approached by any of you, however, a hot dog in his hands. 

"Hello, Professor Lehnsherr." You and your sisters said in unison, but the man had an almost friendly expression. 

"Don't worry about being formal while we're here, girls." He says. "We're just sorcerers in here, looking for a little cheap entertainment."

You and Gamora exchange a look, not knowing exactly what to say next. Professor Erik sighs, and then looks at his children.

"You can go spend some time with the Starks, twins." He says making his kids let out excited exclamations. "Be back by the start time of the match, please. I don't want to lose sight of you in a place with so many people of unreliable origin."

You don't quite understand what "unreliable origin" means, but you don't question it, excited to spend some time with the Maximoffs.

After Erik gives them a few galleons to buy whatever snacks they want, you walk back to the cabin.

//-//

You spent the whole afternoon with all your friends in the cabin, playing magical games, practicing simple spells, and trying to guess the outcome of the match. When the first warning alarm sounded, you all let out a chorus of excitement.

You ran to your room, looking for the cheerleader accessories you had obtained, while ignoring the teasing Tony was throwing at you about the opponent team's sure victory.

He and the Rogers were all wearing blue and white scarves, bracelets and hats, which represented the colors of the Brooklyn Soldiers.

Your father was wearing a big red jacket with the symbol of a gold star, the team's mark. You gave him one of the buttons you brought.

Pietro was also rooting for the Soldiers, along with Nebula and Bucky, so you didn't try to lend any of your accessories to them.

Wanda was in the room when you put a blue scarf with gold accents around her neck.

"For you to support the team." You commented excitedly, without any idea that Wanda's flushed face was because the scarf smelled like you.

"Thanks." She said shyly, and you just nodded, holding some bottons on her shirt.

Gamora borrowed one of the hats you brought.

When you walked towards the stadium area, all the other spectators were leaving their tents and tents and going in the same direction, so the crowd was even bigger. You did your best not to get lost.

Once inside the iron structure, you felt someone nudge your shoulder.

"Pietro and I need to find Dad." Wanda said and you waved, but then frowned, nodding back.

"I think he found you first." You comment while watching Erik look at you as he enters the same iron corridor. He looks at your family and friends next for a moment, his expression serious. "See you after the game, right?"

"Of course." Wanda smiles before touching your arm lightly. You still feel the touch many moments later.

//-//

The match is absolutely incredible. It is even better because the guardians win with a remarkable difference when catcher Jean Gray captures the Snitch after the second half, the stadium vibrating in celebration.

It's a complete mess after that. There are fireworks, and a lot of noise. Even though they lost the match, all the Brooklyn Soldiers fans are so impressed with the incredible match that they join the celebrations.

You stumble out of the stadium between laughter, Gamora's arm around your shoulders as she laughs at the dance that your father and Joseph are doing on the way back.

Fans of the Guardians continued to light the celebratory fireworks, and there was a huge fireworks scarlet dragon streaking through the skies above your heads.

Your dad and the Rogers family go back to the cabin while you stay outside with Bucky and your friends, wanting to enjoy the rest of the fireworks display. You also want to see Wanda again.

"The Guardians are very excited, aren't they?" Bucky comments with a laugh, noticing an increase in the volume of the crowd's screams. You laugh and you look at the sky again.

When you blink, there is an explosion noise in the distance, so muffled by the other sounds that it makes you confused. Your friends don't seem to have heard, and you step forward, watching the crowd closely.

You see a lot of people laughing, and dancing, and it takes a minute for you to also notice those who are running.

"Guys." You call in confusion, and Gamora who was closest to you turns around with curiosity. "I think there is something wrong."

Another explosion occurs and this time everyone listens. The crowd in front seems to gradually realize that there is something wrong going on. And then the firework dragon in the sky is fading, considerably dimming the lighting.

Your father came out of the hut the next moment, a concerned look on his face, and the wand in his hands.

You feel a panic rising in the pit of your stomach when people start running and screaming, and you notice spells being cast from a distance. You were thinking it might be some kind of cheering team fight, but the possibility is completely ruled out when you notice the masked men in the crowd.

"Get your things now." Order your father out loud and then you are all moving back to the cabin, picking up all your belongings quickly. You hold the backpack tightly against your shoulders when you go out again, complete chaos around you. Your father, Joseph and Sarah lead you among the people, shouting that you need to get back to the portkey. You gasp in surprise when you feel a twinge behind your eyes, and you are struck by a vision of a forest. This little delay is enough to make you stay behind and lose sight of your family.

But you are not looking for them anyway. Your feet are spinning in the opposite position, and you are pushing people to run. You need to find Wanda.

//-//

You end up at the end of the camp, the tents far behind you. The sound of confusion drowned out by the distance. Feeling a new stab of pain in the head, your knees give way and your body lowers, while you raise your hands to your face, immediately being hit by a vision. This time you see a shadow of a tall figure, perhaps a man, standing in front of you. There is a metallic taste of blood in your mouth, and you want to get away, but there is something holding you back. When you blink, you're back the end of the camp.

You don't understand what's going on, and there is a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in your chest, but you keep walking, crossing the magical chain and moving into the forest. You fall to the ground on your knees a moment later, intense pain all over your body. Gasping, you look up, only to see a green light form in the sky.

At first you thought it might be fireworks, but it was magic. The symbol of a hydra conjured in the clouds was beginning to move, and your entire body weighed.

You looked down, and your eyes caught a figure in the woods. It was a man, but he was too far away and you couldn't see his face. He had his wand raised to the sky, clearly being responsible for conjuring it up. Your head started to spin in pain, and you rested your hands on the ground to try to normalize your breathing, and then the man looked at you.

You felt your heart race when he started walking towards you, but then there were screams and footsteps, and he ran. A moment later, your father was kneeling beside you.

"Darling! Are you okay?" He asked worriedly raising his hands to your face looking for bruises. You sighed, still in pain. Only when the aurors of the ministry of magic raised their wands to the sky and made the mark disappear,  you feel your body relieve immediately.

"I saw a man." You confessed breathlessly, and your father looked at you with confusion. But the wizards of the ministries seemed quite interested.

"Where, child?" Asked one of the aurors, you gasped slightly, feeling your body tremble a little.

"He went in that direction." You say pointing. "He was the one who conjured."

The woman nodded in understanding, and left after whistling for the rest of the Aurors to follow her. Your father helped you to stand.

"Honey, listen to me carefully." He said in a mixture of concern and seriousness. "Don't tell anyone about this."

“What, daddy? I don't.."

"Honey, please." He interrupts by stroking your cheeks with his thumb. “I will explain everything to you, I promise. But this needs to stay between us. You can't tell anyone what you saw in the sky.”

You swallow dry, but agree. Your dad doesn't let go of your hand all the way back to the portkey, and when you rejoin your friends again, you lie and say you just got lost in the food stall area after he gives a little grip on your fingers.

//-//

Your father doesn't explain anything to you.

When you return home, he receives urgent howlers from the ministry, and then he returns to the ministry of magic.

You are walking around the kitchen, outraged that you were prevented from looking for Wanda on your way out of the stadium and you have no idea if she is okay.

"What if the Maximoffs have a phone?" You grumble to yourself, but then you remember that you don't even have the number. You press your hands to your face, trying to calm yourself down. Wanda was fine. She had to be.

Gamora and Nebula are sitting on the couch, discussing something with each other, looking concerned. Tony locked himself in the room after Howard refused to tell him what was going on.

You don't understand why you have this horrible feeling in your chest, and you can't stop wondering if Wanda is okay, and then you support your hands on the table, trying to normalize your breathing and stop yourself from crying.

"Hey, breathe." You are almost startled by the voice at your side. Gamora touches your back tenderly, and you shake your head, feeling the tears flow. "She's fine, you need to breathe."

"You don't know that." You snap out of breath, and then Gamora puts her hand on your shoulder, asking you to look at her.

“We met Erik on the way out while you got lost. They left before you came back. ” She tells and you blink confused. “Wanda is safe. Breathe."

You gasp, and then your body relaxes as if a weight has been lifted off your back. Gamora looks at you with a mixture of concern and confusion, but you sigh, hugging her in appreciation.

"Thank you." You whisper against her hair. "I should have asked."

When you let go, she still looks at you with concern.

"Yeah, I know." She says assessing her face. "You should have asked how anyone else would do it."

You frown, not understanding what she is saying. But she still looks at you, suspicious.

“It looks like you were barely listening to us when your dad brought you back. And then I find you like that, and one word is enough to get you back to normal. ”

"What do you mean, Gamora?"

"I'm worried about you." She says. "I don't know what it is, but there is something strange about the way Wanda affects you."

You change the weight of your feet, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

"What are you talking about?"

"She's talking about you not being able to bewitch Wanda." Nebula adds by getting up and walking over to you. You blink confused, ready to say that story was too old, but the girl is not intimidated. "She's talking about the way you behave around her."

"I don `t…"

"It's not just about liking someone." Nebula interrupts and you feel your cheeks heat up. "Gamora thought it was because you are in love, but that seems like something else."

Something in your stomach falls. You gasp in surprise.

"I'm not i-in love!" You exclaim with a racing heart. "I'm not…"

Gamora sighs impatiently, messing with hair. And trying to calm you down, she puts her hands on your shoulders next.

"Listen to me, okay?" She asks. "There's something weird about the way you care about Wanda. We don't know what it is, but you need to admit that you can see that too."

Facing your friend back, it takes a moment while you think of your words, for you to speak again.

"I saw a mark in the sky." You confess, deciding to disobey your father. Gamora blinks in confusion, and you clear your throat before you clear up everything that happened. Her hands fall off your shoulders when she opens her eyes wide for your confessions.

"Are you sure it was a hydra?" Nebula asks seriously and you wave.

"Do you know what that means?" You ask, and the girls exchange a look, but before they say it, you hear another voice.

"It is the Mephisto mark."

You get scared of Tony coming down the stairs, his gaze on you as he walks over to where you are. He folds his arms when he reaches you.

"Which means death walkers are back."

"Tony ..."

"You said you saw a wizard." He interrupts seriously. "Do you have any idea who it is?"

"No." You embarrassingly deny it, feeling your stomach sink with the look Tony is giving you. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You are the one who's been weird." He replies. "I'm just trying to understand what's going on."

"What did you mean by that?"

"What did you see in your head?" He counters with another question and you start to get angry at the way he is behaving, but tell him anyway. Tony sighs impatiently, turning in the opposite direction. He circles the room for a few moments before speaking again. “Daddy is never going to let us get involved in this. Especially now that you are having visions in your head. ”

"I still haven't told him about it." You grumble and Tony looks at you in surprise.

"Then don't say anything."

"What?" You exclaim with a frown in confusion. "What you mean? I need to say. I have to find out what it is. ”

Tony laughed incredulously.

"You still don't get it, do you?" he retorted. "Dad won't tell us anything. He didn't tell us about being an Auror, or about being friends with Professor Lehnsherr. He didn't even bother to try to understand why you can't bewitch Wanda!" Tony squirms angrily, and you shrink your body to the pitch of his voice. But he sighs, running his hands through his hair, and softening his expression. "I'm sorry, I'm not angry with you. It's just... I don't like being lied to."

You looked away, feeling tired. All this talk was making your head hurt, and the previous events had affected you more than you would like to admit.

"I don't know what we can do about this." You say. "I don't understand what's going on, and Dad would be the first person I would ask something, but he's not willing to help us. I feel like I'm at a dead end."

Tony lifts his arm to your shoulder, trying to reassure you.

"Hey, don't be so concerned about it." He says. "I'll find out what I can, and well, we're going back to Hogwarts next week. You and Wanda can try to figure out what this connection is about, while I try to figure out what's going on at the ministry."

You nod in agreement and Tony smiles, hugging you briefly. You hope that despite everything, you will have a quiet year at Hogwarts.

//-//

The Maximoffs are not on board the Hogwarts express.

You are in the same cabin as your friends, squeezed in because not everyone can fit in there, and you take several turns with Peter and Darcy in turn to sit down, while you are spread out in the corridor. 

"No sign of Wanda, huh?" Gamora asked as she saw you looking around the hallway for the tenth time while you were standing outside the cabin, listening to Mantis tell you about her summer from inside.

"No." You reply. "I talked to her Slytherin colleagues, but none of them were very happy to tell me anything. Wanda didn't say anything in her last letter."

"Maybe she will arrive in a flying car, I hear they are popular." She jokes, making you laugh briefly. You can't ignore the nervous feeling in your stomach, and you sigh. Gamora places her hands on your shoulders. "Let's find something to distract you, okay? How about some explosive snap?"

//-//

Laughing at Quill's joke about the last statement in the Daily Prophet, as you walked off the train with the rest of your friends toward the castle.

A chorus of excitement coming from some students ahead of you caught your and your friends' attention, who looked in the direction curiously.

"Is that a ship?" You heard someone ask as they pointed in the direction of the lake.

There was a large old ship, right in the center, coming toward the castle. Everyone looked on excitedly.

"Students, please continue toward the castle!" Drax loudly commanded the crowd, and the students exchanged nervous whispers, all extremely curious to know who was coming to the castle. You swapped a glance with Gamora before following the crowd.

//-//

Already seated at the Hufflepuff table, you startled slightly when Mantis touched your hand.

"Calm down, you're making it snow." She asked gently. You shook your head, realizing the cloud you had accidentally conjured up above you. You had been so nervous the last few minutes, which only got worse when your gaze failed to find Wanda at the Slytherin table, and to no avail was the look of reassurance Gamora threw at you when she said she would ask her colleagues about her over dinner. As soon as you sat down at the Hufflepuff table, you played with your wand between your fingers, and before you knew it, it was snowing.

"Sorry about that." You mumble clumsily, putting your wand back away. Mantis is not angry, her look is one of concern.

"I'm sure everything is fine with Wanda." Mantis says to you, and you sigh, running your hand through your hair.

"I think so too." You say. "I just don't know why I can't stop thinking about it."

"Y/N..."

You lost your attention completely on Mantis as your gaze reached the door of the hall just as you noticed the figures entering. Wanda and Pietro, walking hurriedly to the Slytherin table, being two of the last students to enter the hall before the door closed. You made mention of getting up, but Mantis held you by the shoulders. 

You were about to complain, but she pointed in the direction of the teachers' table, and you rolled your eyes, because the welcoming speech was about to begin. Your gaze remained on Wanda, but she was looking straight ahead. The only good thing was that the feeling of worry in you diminished considerably now that you were seeing her.

"[...] and I am proud to tell you that a very special event will take place at Hogwarts this year: the Triwizard Tournament!"

You are startled slightly when Headmistress Harkness' words reach your ears at the same moment that the main hall explodes in hubbub. You lose sight of Wanda because people are moving excitedly, and Mantis is nudging you to look forward.

It is only now that you notice the large stone globet and the blue flame displayed in front of the bench. You blink in surprise, feeling your face flush because you spent all the minutes of the speech staring at Wanda without realizing it.

Then the principal speaks again.

"Of course, the ministry has determined rules for the safety of the students." She recounts. "No student under the age of seventeen will be allowed to participate in the tournament, in addition to the dueling rules..."

The principal's speech was drowned out by the chorus of protests from the younger students, especially those in the fifth and sixth grades. You raised your eyebrow slightly, because you noticed that your brother was one of the boys who was shouting in annoyance. 

Agatha then made a stern expression, clearly annoyed at having been interrupted, and it took only a few moments for the hall to become completely silent, and for her to smile again.

"Note that the other participating schools will be staying with us this year." She continues her speech. "Please welcome the students from Durmstrang Institute."

The doors to the main hall opened again, and a small crowd of students wearing thick winter coats entered. A tall, shabby-looking man with a scar over his right eye was at the front, guiding the students.

"Agatha!" Greeted the man with open arms as he reached the headmistress. Agatha smiled as she hugged him, and you tried to get a look at the new folks, as did the rest of the school, who were looking excitedly at the crowd. You let out a surprised exclamation when you recognized one of the faces. Your classmates also seemed to realize who it was, because many whistles and comments were heard. 

"That's Jean Grey, isn't it?" Peter Parker asked sitting next to you. When you confirmed it, he widened his eyes. "Wow, I didn't know she was still in school."

"She's the youngest catcher of the century, Parker." You commented with a smile. 

"She's very pretty, isn't she?" He retorted, and you made a noise of agreement.

The students reached the front of the hall next.

"It's good to have you here, Yondu." Said the headmistress. "How was the trip?"

"Wet and noisy, woman!" Rebutted the man humorously. He didn't seem too excited to greet any other teachers, focused only on the woman in front of him. Agatha looked at the students next.

"Please feel free to join any of the empty seats, all the houses were honored to accommodate you." She warned the students, but they only moved after Yondu waved lightly at them.

You bit the inside of your cheek, noting that almost everyone sat down at the Slytherin table. Yondu joined the students next, not failing to take a good look at the goblet before sitting down.

Agatha looked down the hall again.

"Let us also welcome our honored guests from Beauxbatons."

The students at Beauxbatons' institute seemed nicer the first moment you saw them, but as soon as you noticed the way their cloaks were bewitched to land gracefully on the floor as they moved, you figured they must be the kind of people who wouldn't be happy with Hogwarts' cleaning schedule.

The principal of Beauxbatons was a tall, stout woman, very beautiful. She had a crown on her head, and you wondered if the people of Beauxbatons were royalty in some way. 

"Ovette, it is an honor to have you with us." She greeted Principal Agatha, but unlike before, her smile was cold, almost fake. The other woman didn't seem happy to be there either, but returned the greeting in the same formality.

The Beauxbatons students sat down at Gryffindor's table, and you giggled when Quill grimaced at you from his table as one of the boys sat down next to him.

Suddenly you felt very hungry. And dinner didn't disappoint. 

"I think you'd better wait to talk to Wanda tomorrow," Mantis remarked next to you as soon as you finished eating. You frowned, looking at her.

"Why?"

"Professor Lehnsherr has been staring at the Slytherin table like he's going to cast a good behavior spell at them the entire dinner." She counters as she looks at the teachers' table. You look just in time to catch Erik with a stern look toward the students who were talking loudly on the end before he went back to eating his potato salad. 

"Maybe he just expects better behavior while we have guests here." You comments, glancing back to the Slytherin table. Wanda's gaze has not searched for yours all dinner, and you are starting to get annoyed by this.

"If you're going to risk it, I suggest you do it before curfew." Mantis quips as she looks down at her own lap. Groot is trying to steal her piece of chicken, and she smiles as she hands him a loaf of bread.

You look around. All the students are sitting at their respective house tables, and despite the loud buzz of conversation, no one is standing. You know that if you stood up, and walked to the other side of the room, everyone would look at you. Sighing in annoyance, you rest your face on your hand and your elbow on the table, giving up on talking to Wanda during dinner.

When dessert arrives, you become distracted.

//-//

Your best idea is to catch up with Wanda at the end of dinner, but you frown when she doesn't get up from the table along with the other students. The next moment, Professor Erik is joining her, and the crowd of Hufflepuff students pushing you out makes you lose sight of her.

You mumble softly to yourself when you have to go back to the dormitory, and Mantis gives you a short smile, equally annoyed by your nervousness.

//=//

You tried to sleep. Maybe at some point you did.

After you went back to the dorm with everyone else, put on your pajamas and turned off the lights, you think you fell asleep almost immediately. But there was no rest.

The minute you fell asleep, you were somewhere else, fully conscious.

It looked like a graveyard, and there was a lot of smog. You turned over, feeling breathless, and saw a red light, maybe it was a spell. The next moment you woke up, panting, opening your eyes and immediately sitting up in bed. Surprised at the amount of sweat on your shirt, you frowned.

The dormitory was completely dark, and everyone was sleeping around you. You felt thirsty, and as you tried to understand exactly what you had dreamed, you left the room.

The rest of the common room was also empty, and you sighed as an idea crossed your mind. Biting your lips, you shook your head. No, you were not going to sneak through the dormitory into the Slytherin hall, because that was absolutely against all the rules, and more importantly, it would be weird.

Ignoring the sudden urgency you felt to follow your idea, you forced yourself back to your dormitory, hoping that you would be able to sleep again.

//-//

The next day, you had no need to look for Wanda, because she found you first.

As soon as you left for breakfast, accompanied by Mantis, you gasped in surprise as you felt some jump on you just before the entrance to the main hall.

"I missed you." Wanda sighed as she wrapped her arms around your neck. Some students looked at you curiously, but you didn't mind, circling Wanda's waist to return the hug. 

"I missed you too." You retorted by hiding your face in her neck, feeling your whole body relax with the scent of her perfume.

But a sound of someone clearing their throat broke the moment, and Wanda turned away from you, her cheeks flushed.

"You saw each other last week." Pietro teased with a slight frown on his forehead. He didn't press the matter, however, greeting you afterwards.

You made your way to the Slytherin table, your newly awakened friends looking sleepy as they lazily enjoyed their breakfast.

After greeting everyone, you sat down next to Gamora, who was looking at the daily prophet.

"Not a word about what happened in the Quidditch world cup" She commented indignantly. The group shared the same reaction. "All the news is about the triwizard tournament being held at Hogwarts."

"Maybe they don't want to cause a panic." Quill then reasoned. You knew that he, as well as Mantis, only knew about what happened in the cup because of the letters you and Gamora sent. 

"It just seems like they are hiding the truth." Gamora retorts without taking her gaze off the paper. You glance at the figures moving around before turning your attention back to your coffee.

"Clearly corrupt wizarding ministry matters aside, is anyone here going to try to sign up for the tournament?" Quill asked next, causing you to frown as Nebula and Gamora gave a giggle.

"No one here is of age." You comment with confusion, but Quill gives a wry chuckle.

"You Hufflepuff people are adorable." He teases making you laugh. He stretches his arms out to Pietro and Monica's shoulders next as he is sitting between them. "My Gryffindor buddies have found the perfect solution to solve this problem."

You look at the three of them curiously. Gamora rolls her eyes, and turns her attention back to the cereal.

"Let me guess, aging potion?" Nebula then suggests, and Quill lets out an impressed exclamation.

"Look at you Nebula, who would have guessed?  I'll make a troublemaker out of you yet." He jokes, but Nebula just raises her middle finger at him, making the rest of the table laugh.

You are slightly distracted because Wanda asked you to pass the jelly to her and your fingers brushed against each other, and you had to keep it together, unaware because the sensation spread a tingle across your skin, so you are startled when Quill lets out an excited exclamation next.

"I just remembered!" He says. "I didn't complain enough about the cancellation of the Quidditch cup between the houses. I was sure Gryffindor would win this year."

Wanda lets out a wry chuckle, and Quill makes a mocking face at her, tossing a piece of bread in her direction. 

You like to see your friends like that, playing with each other. The next moment, Mantis asks how Quill intends to get past the goblet spells to put his name on it, and the boy spends the next few minutes arguing that the aging spell is enough to break the enchantment, and your friends seem happy to argue with him about it.

//-//

You're not sure how you're going to tell Wanda that you need to talk to her about the events of the vacations, and the cup, and well, your connection to her, so you ignore the suggestive look Gamora throws at you after coffee and decide to put it off for as long as you can.

Your classes seem to have gotten even harder and more boring, but you struggle. It's even trickier to pay attention when the whole school is excited about the triwizard tournament, and there' a lot of noise between and during the classes, after a while, the teachers give up on calming the moods.

Without Quidditch, you have free periods, and you use this time to spend with your friends, either playing witch chess or explosive snap, or even getting some practice with your broom.

The foreign students get more comfortable as time goes on. You would think that they would be sleeping in one of the dormitories, but they are staying on the ships and in the carriages that they have come on.

The only times you got a glimpse of Beauxbatons' carriages was on the way to the class on the Tract of Magical Creatures, and you weren't the only one trying to get a better look, but the guardian Drax was quick to scare off any curious people who got too close.

With three weeks of classes, the atmosphere at Hogwarts had changed a lot. You knew it was because the date for choosing champions was approaching, and everyone seemed to be holding their breath about it. 

Pietro and Quill actually proceeded with the idea of trying to fool the goblet with an aging potion. You and the girls joined them in the room where the magic object had been placed, and witnessed them try. And fail miserably. Wanda was worried that Pietro had been hurt when he was thrown across the room trying to get through the protective circle, but as soon as she saw his aged face, she laughed, and all the girls followed her.

Pietro and Quill were annoyed for three seconds before they began to laugh as well.

You fell silent the next moment, however, because Jean Grey entered the room accompanied by Headmaster Youndu, both of whom looked at you all reproachfully.

Jean placed a piece of parchment in the flame, and you all watched with some admiration as the goblet accepted her inscription.

The small admiring smile you had on your lip completely disappeared when Jean looked at Wanda on her way out, her gaze flashing in a way that made your stomach turn the wrong way.

When Pietro started talking about how amazing it was to have a famous player at school, you didn't feel excited about the idea anymore.

//-//

After your double period of potions on Thursday the last week of September, you could practically catch the anxious tension of your classmates in the air.

At dinner that night, the school champions would be chosen and even you, who were more concerned about the lack of news from home and the way Tony was clearly avoiding your presence, were curious to know who would be chosen.

The Goblet of Fire had been moved to the center of the main hall and you joined the Hufflepuff table with Mantis, noticing the warning look that Headmistress Okoye cast at anyone who was not behaving in the most chivalrous manner possible, but you didn't remark on it, noticing the wizards wearing formal attire at the teachers' table, probably being employees of the Ministry of Magic and reporters for the Daily Prophet.

A characteristic buzz was going on among the students, but the room fell silent as the students from the other schools entered the hall together with their principals.

When Headmistress Agatha began the selection ceremony, everyone seemed to hold their breath.

"[...] Tonight the goblet will choose the one who is worthy to represent their schools in the triwizard tournament. The ceremony of choice begins now." She gracefully presents, wand in hand. Agatha touches the tip of the goblet next, and the flame on the top changes to red briefly, expelling a piece of parchment through the air. Agatha catches the item between her fingers. "The champion of Durmstrang is Jean Grey."

The room erupts in applause and tears of celebration. You clap happily too, completely forgetting about that day in the hall. You knew that Jean had become quite popular among the Hogwarts gossips, especially since she is already a celebrity, so the reaction of your classmates was not a surprise to you.

You and the rest of the students watched as she accepted the parchment from Agatha before greeting the ministry wizards, and then walked into the small door behind the teachers' desk. As she left, everyone was silent again.

Principal Harkness repeated the wand movement on the goblet, and the flames turned blue again. She paused briefly before announcing the next champion.

"Beauxbatons' champion is Maria Hill!" 

You watch a very elegant girl get up from one of the front seats and walk in the same direction as Jean amidst the applause. The commotion is a little less than Grey's, but you know that it is only because Grey was famous.

A moment later it is the turn of the Hogwarts champion, and you are much more excited for this.

Agatha also seems more excited about this, a small smile escaping her lips before she repeats the wand movement.

When the parchment falls into her hands, she reads it aloud.

"The champion of Hogwarts..." She begins and her expression falls, her frown frowning. The brief suspense only makes everyone even more anxious. "Wanda Maximoff."

The crowd's reaction is remarkably different from the other champions; the hall explodes into a buzz of accusations of cheating, pointing out that Wanda was underage, and even snide remarks about a Slytherin representing the school, but you were barely listening. A wave of preoccupation takes over your body completely, and you look around the table for Wanda, but she is already standing up, her chin held high despite all the negative comments. She accepts the parchment Agatha hands her and heads in the same direction as the other champions. 

Harkness makes another movement with her wand and the flame from the goblet goes out. In the next second she is leaving the room, being escorted by the other directors and the ministry officials to the Hall of Champions. As soon as the door closes, the hall explodes in agitated hubbub, and many people stand up.

As the teachers call for calm, especially for the Gryffindor students who accuse the Slytherin of cheating, you and Mantis stand up and join your friends.

"I can't believe that just happened." Gamora comments as soon as you reach her, as impressed as she is concerned.

Your gaze searches for Pietro however, and he looks upset.

"Comrade, your sister is the champion of Hogwarts! She managed to do what we were trying to! Why the long face?" Quill asked his friend excited and confused, but when he went to hug Pietro, he pulled away, an angry grimace on his face.

"I can't believe Wanda kept this from me." He grumbled, you and your friends looked at him in surprise. 

"Come on Pietro, maybe she didn't think it would work and didn't want to say anything." Quill suggested but the boy shook his head.

"No you don't get it." He retorts. "She absolutely could not have risked doing something like that."

And then he turns away, and heads for the teachers' table. You and your friends are left with puzzled expressions, but upon noticing that he looked like he was going to be talking to his father for quite some time, you return to your conversation.

"I can't believe Wanda didn't tell anyone about putting in the name on the goblet, that's incredible." Quill adds. Nebula begins to argue how dangerous it was for someone without enough magical acquaintance to be in such an ordeal, and your stomach does a turn. You walk away from the conversation, heading toward the group of Tony's friends who were standing a few feet away from you.

"Hey, your friend just caused a stir around here." Tony jokes as soon as you reach him.

"I noticed it." You retort as you spot Professor Strange separating with a spell a student who jumped on top of another. "Everyone is talking about how dangerous it is for her to participate, can you tell me anything good about it?"

Tony laughs at the desperation in your voice. 

"I figure eternal glory and the thousand-gallon prize is the good part." He teases, and you run your hands through your hair, trying to ignore the urge to go into that little room and find out if Wanda is okay. Tony assumes a serious expression next, and lowers his tone, not that it was necessary, since everyone seems wrapped up in their own conversations. "You also find it strange that this happens after what happened at the cup, don't you?" He asks and you nod. Tony sighs. "Maybe this is a good time for you to talk to Wanda, little sis. About how you feel about her. And well, maybe as you help her practice for the tournament, you guys can figure out what that connection means."

You nod, feeling your cheeks warm. It was still strange how all your friends knew about the way you cared for Wanda.

You wanted to ask Tony if he had found out anything since you last talked properly, but Professor Strange ordered everyone back to their dormitories the next moment, and after Tony messed up your hair, you turned and headed toward the Hufflepuff students who were leaving the hall.

//-//

There was no way you could sleep without talking to Wanda, so you risked an detention by sneaking out of the dorm after curfew. Mantis grumbled at you to be careful before turning over in her sleepy state, making you laugh softly.

You used a simple invisibility spell on yourself, not so strong that you were completely invisible, but enough to blend into the shadows of the castle as you descended back into the dungeons. Hogwarts was, yes, very scary at that time.

The board at the entrance was sleeping, and after removing the invisibility spell, you poked it with your wand to wake it up.

"What, what is that?" Complained the irritated painting, looking around and acquiring an angry expression when he noticed you.

"I'm sorry. Keep your voice down please." You asked. "I need to get inside."

The painting looked at you suspiciously.

"I have seen you here before, but you are not from the honorable house of Slytherin."

"That is not your problem, Mr. Talos." You retort impatiently. "Just let me in. The password is Polyjuice Potion."

"Your friends will get in trouble if they keep sharing their password with you." Warned the painting before moving, giving you passage to enter.

"Thank you, Mr.Talos." You said with slight irony, walking into the dormitory.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked around at the empty environment. You were used to the place, but it was still creepy when poorly lit like this.

"We don't like intruders." Spoke a voice in the corner of the room, making you jump in fright.

"Damn, Nat, you scared the hell out of me." You complained, putting your hand to your chest and feeling your heart racing. The girl giggled, closing the book in her hand and standing up in your direction.

"Why are you here?" she asked with her arms crossed.

You gave her a lopsided smile.

"I came to check on Wanda, of course."

Nat narrowed her eyes at you.

"Why?"

"Why?" you retort after a short laugh. "Because she has just been chosen for the deadliest competition in the wizarding world, and everyone in this place wants to remind me of it!" You exclaim, and can't stop yourself. "I heard a girl say in the hallway that the tournament was banned for the number of deaths! Did you know that? Yeah, neither did I. And well, I can't sleep, because I keep thinking that something like that might happen to Wanda. And when I think about it, I can't breathe and I..."

"Stark, breathe!" Natasha interrupts you with concern, placing her hands on your shoulders. You gasp slightly, realizing that your eyes are filled with tears as you notice your vision blurring. You sigh, trying to normalize your breathing as you force a smile and wipe your face. "God, what was that all about?"

"It was nothing." You grumble. "I'm just worried."

Natasha doesn't buy your excuse, though.

"Tony told me about what happened in the cup." She says as she lowers her arms. You look at her in surprise. "He also told me about how connected to Wanda you have been feeling. I just didn't imagine that you would almost have a little tantrum at the possibility of her getting hurt."

You feel your cheeks flush, looking away to your shoes.

"I didn't have a tantrum."

"Nearly." She teases, but you don't laugh, feeling your stomach churn. Nat looks at you seriously next. "Wanda's not here."

You raise your head in surprise.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know." She replies. "Believe me, you weren't the only one who tried to talk to her. The whole dorm was wanting to know how she tricked the goblet, but no one has seen her since the selection."

You feel your heart soar, and seeing the way you react, Nat raises a hand to your arm again.

"Hey, try not to think about it so much." She says. "Maybe she's with her father. I imagine it's been quite a commotion that a minor has swindled the goblet, and the ministry must be trying to decide what to do. She must be in the teachers' dormitory, she is still a child after all."

"Wanda is already fifteen." You grumble.

"Yes, and I'm sixteen. We're all kids, Y/N." She retorts. "I don't think Professor Lehnsherr was going to leave his daughter alone at such a time."

You sigh, nodding in agreement.

"Try to get some sleep, will you?" Nat asks next. "I'm sure Wanda will talk to you tomorrow. And well, I think she's going to need her best friend to not sleep through the conversation."

"Wanda said I'm her best friend?" 

Nat laughs at the way you talk, probably sounding like a lovesick puppy. 

"God, you two are a disaster." She comments before waving you toward the exit. You bid her goodnight and thank her before walking back to your dorm.

//-//

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagines #wandaxyou #wanda x you #wanda x yn #wanda maximoff x yn #wanda maximoff x you #wandaxreader #wandamaximoff x reader #wandamaximoff x you #wandamaximoffxreader #The Scarlet Witch Prophecy #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen x you #marvel imagines

[impulsivefanwriter]

A Tiny Spark Leads to a Roaring Flame (But Flames Can Always be Doused by Water)

Heeyyyyy so y’all know the Reverse Thanos Snap AU for SPBNR? Basically everyone but Smith/S!Kai gets sent to the M!verse. Everyone. The entire population of S!verse Ninjago City & a few surrounding areas. Except poor Smith. Essentially it happens because S!Garmadon tries to send Smith to a place where he can't mess with his plans, and ends up sending everyone away from Smith to take him out of the equation. 

The second part to this AU is that the S!Ninja end up searching for Kai in the chaos and grab the Red Ninja before jetting out of there with the Bounty. Except... they didn’t grab Smith (who’s still home), but rather Red (M!Kai).

Red thinks the S!Ninja are babysitter clones created by Garmadon after he somehow turned Lloyd younger without his memories & is trying to raise him to be his new General #1. With this in mind, he pretends to be S!Kai, and waits for the moment he can rescue Lloyd.

What would happen in the S!Ninja discovered his deception/their mistake of grabbing a wrong Kai and mistake Red for a recreated Aki (aka Bizarro Evil Clone Kai) before he could enact his plan?

Well, this is that idea. (Title inspired by how a crack AU spiralled into a beautiful angst-fest)

Enjoy. :3

-----*-----

Red was going to get Lloyd out of here tonight. 

Away from these Not-Friends made by Garmadon to emulate the Ninjaforce. Away from this flying ship built to emulate Master Wu's ship, so familiar and yet so off. Away from this false reality and back to the real everything where they could hopefully get his memories back and his age back and everything back to the way it was before the city descended into chaos.

He just had to... bide his time. Be patient. 

FSM, he was bad at being patient. 

His hands itched to grab Lloyd and run now, but he was horribly outnumbered and without his mech. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't rush this. If he did, he would make everything worse. Like he always did.

But fate- or rather, Lloyd- had other plans.

The little version of his younger brother- yes, they were roughly the same age normally, shut up, Lloyd was still his younger brother- had been... eying him weird all morning. Not like Not-Jay and Not-Cole and Not-Zane, but like Not-Nya. Like he actually knew instead of suspected. These babysitter clones seemed to think he was the Not-Kai, and if that was the opportunity the universe was going to give him, then by the flames of the departed world was he going to skip this chance to save Lloyd.

Currently he stood on the deck of the ship as they parked in the sky a few meters above the docks on the outskirts of the city. It wasn't the docks with the Bounty warehouse, curse his luck, but it wasn't the endless sky or the empty ocean (though it was still too close to that murky, haunting water for his liking. Water was his sister's domain for a reason). At least he could sneak Lloyd off in the cover of night, maybe find someone in the city who wouldn't recognize the Son of Garmadon this way and would be willing to help them hide until they could make it back to the real ninja.

"Kai," Not-Zane spoke suddenly next to him. 

Red would never get used to the way his voice... lacked the same effect the real Zane's had. The effect that Kai and the rest of his team had assured their friend over and over was unique, special, but in a good way. To embrace it. That it wasn't noticeable, but when it was, that it was so Zane that his friends didn't care that it was different. 

This 'Zane' sounded much too different than his own. He hadn't recognized Kai's tested line of 'road work ahead' when they passed one of the many construction signs littering the city (even more so since the chaos happened a week ago), and instead had responded with 'a great deal of work to fix in the city'. 

Seriously, Garmadon, do better research on your clones.

Not-Zane was also much too... calm. Too 'wise' compared to the wild teen that was Zane. And he walked without heelies or whatever Zane used to slide around like a boss, though he was still silent. And that meant, like now, he snuck up on Red fairly often- and Red was training to be a Ninja, so that took serious talent. 

"Kai," Not-Zane said again, and Red finally broke his gaze from where he'd been staring over the railing, planning tonight's escape route. "Lunch has been made for over an hour. Are you alright?"

Red forced his brightest smile. "Course I'm alright! Just trying to figure out what happened, as usual."

Why Lloyd was suddenly like, 8, and without his memories. Why the Not-Friends were on this Not-Ship and had mistaken him for Not-Kai. Why the city was in a state of disarray and chaos. 

Not-Zane studied him, then turned to give the city a sad look. "I'm not sure myself. My scanners can't seem to figure out what is happening. It is as if... blocked by some force."

Red winced, then expertly disguised the move by leaning against the rail. Zane never would use 'my scanners', despite how often Red and the others assured him it was okay. Yet another reason why this wasn't his friend.

"You know Ninjago City," Red said with a weak laugh. "Always one crisis or another. Always those annoying Garmadon Attacks"

This seemed to satisfy Not-Zane, who nodded thoughtfully. "This event definitely seems to have Garmadon's hand in the mess."

He patted Red on the back. "Well, don't worry yourself ragged, Kai. Come in for lunch soon, alright? We have training for Lloyd later."

Ah, right. Training. AKA what Red assumed was how Garmadon was planning to shape this impressionable version of his friend into his new General #1.  

"I'm ready for training now, Zane!"

Speaking of Lloyd- 

The little gremlin came up from the hull with the rest of the Not-Ninja. Red hated when the entire group was together; it was way more difficult to act as Not-Kai around them, especially around Not-Nya. 

For starters, Not-Jay had a notch in his eyebrow that the real Jay never had. He was missing the iconic freckles, and the scarf, and the fluffy hair, though you could always say it was just a wardrobe change. What you couldn't change was the personality differences. This couldn’t be Jay. Jay was anxious and quiet, his jokes (while plentiful) said more timidly and his newest ideas shared with hesitance that only shrank after years of encouragement. He would never be this loud, ever. 

Not-Cole was the leader, probably because Lloyd was so young. But even then, in Red's team, Nya would probably take second-command. Cole was their sturdy support, yes, but he was chill, laid-back. Ready to follow and support his friends to the ends of the earth with his tunes and occasional sarcastic wit, but not lead. Not like Not-Cole, who was more serious and commanding and didn't. listen. to. music. Red hadn't spotted a single record or boombox in the room in the hull. That was a tragic oversight on Garmadon's part. The members of his research team should be Fired.

And then there was Not-Nya. Who wore a dress with confidence that his sister would love but never publicly wear. Who had short hair- Nya had tried that style once, and decided it itched around her neck too much- and jewelry, and a giant flying Samurai mech suit. His sister had the Water Strider Mech, and Not-Nya had a flying combat suit. Sure. Close enough. Personality-wise they were similar. 

Similar at first glance. Nya was fluid and adaptable to whatever role she needed filling. She was spunky, and as fiery as him when it came to tempers, though she knew how to keep hers in check (she had to, right? No one called her hot-headed and impulsive and reckless and blamed her temper for mistakes or damage or whatever the news comments liked to say about the Fire Mech). Not-Nya was also adaptable and independent-minded, but she seemed more rigid. More doing her own thing. 

Point was, everyone wasn't actually his friends, despite how much they tried to prove they were. And they kept acting like he was this Not-Kai, who was just as hot-headed but apparently more mature and training-oriented and basically the better, cooler (or hotter, perhaps, for the fire theme of the red ninja) him, since his acting never seemed to fully convince them. Trying to impersonate a standard he couldn't seem to reach, some legendary hero he wasn't- er, wasn't yet! Yeah! He just needed to prove himself, be better, and he'd be fine. Just... fine. Yeah.

Mini-Lloyd (Red was tempted to call him L'ilyod in his head, but that felt wrong somehow, like he was infringing on some kind of copyright law) stared at him like a goddamn falcon, and he wasn't talking about the bird that circled the ship. He had this bowl-cut Red would tease him about endlessly after all this was over- seriously, how had Mr. Fabulous Hair started with this mess? Garmadon probably didn't even have hair, so there was no way the guy knew how to style it, and it was very evident based on Mini-Lloyd's hairdo. 

Red noticed that all of them were staring, actually. Despite his relaxed rest against the rails, his fingers behind his back clutched the cool bar with a dull shake. He didn't notice how the metal seemed to glow red under his touch. 

"Training, right, we should get onto that," Red tried. "What do you want to start with, Lloyd?" 

"How about a little game?" Lloyd asked with complete innocence. "What we were playing last week before we got interrupted."

Oh sh!t. 

"I-I don't know, shouldn't we start with stretches? Or how about some sparring, that's always more fun than a game!"

"But I wanted to continue our game..." Mini Lloyd said, and FSM's sake, he couldn't deal with that pouting look.

Okay. Okay, don't panic. Think logically. What kind of game would an 8-year-old Lloyd like to play with him? Something physical, so no board games- he liked to test his mettle against Zane on those, and sometimes he would almost not-lose. Logic puzzles also fell more on Jay's area. Trivia, especially music trivia, was a bubble between the anxious motormouth and Cole. Video games fell on team building, and wouldn't classify as a training warmup.

"Well," Red said, taking a hopeful stab in the dark. "There's not too much space on the deck for... tag..."

Lloyd nodded, looking satisfied. The Not-Ninja looked- well, their expressions were hard to read because of how different it was compared to his friends. But Red was a master of deception (well, fire, but eh, technicalities), and he had them fooled, and he just had to keep it up until nightfall so he could rescue Lloyd and explain in a safe location-

"HE'S NOT KAI!"

Orrrrr improvise. Okay, yep, he could improvise. 

Red lunged forward and grabbed Mini Lloyd's wrist from where he had his hand extended in an accusatory point. He ducked under Not-Jay's attempts to grab him- fast, but not as fast as his Jay, his Jay who could disappear from an awkward social interaction in the span of a flickering lightbulb- and dragged his younger brother with him as he vaulted over the railing. Not-Zane almost managed to yank him back onto the Not-ship, but his icy grip caught only empty air as Red pulled Lloyd into a tight hold and ducked.

He hit the dock below with a stumble, rolling back onto his feet and taking off with a very stubborn green ninja in tow. It took all his strength to drag Lloyd (kicking and screaming like he was being kidnapped or something when Red was just trying to rescue him, for FSM's sake. Lloyd didn't know that, but he could still try to be at least a little more considerate.)

The wooden docks creaked and shuddered underfoot and Red grimaced; whoever rebuilt them after the latest Garmadon attack had shredded them like newspaper clearly hadn't wasted any unnecessary change. It certainly didn't help that Lloyd packed quite the punch for someone so small. Red definitely would come out of this with bruised shins and arms from where Mini Lloyd tried to push him away, but it would be worth it to keep his teammate, his younger brother, safe.

Then green filled his vision and broke his hold on Lloyd's wrist, sending him skidding across the dock planks as he was sent flying. When he finally rolled to a stop, neck and shoulder stinging from where the blast had caught him (no burns, just jitters like he'd been shocked), he had to take a few seconds to re-orient himself. Did the Not-Ship have cannons or something? What hit him from behind, so close it could have hit Lloyd?

Lloyd. Was Lloyd okay?

Red pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the bleeding scrapes on his hands and legs from where he'd gotten banged up by the splintered docks. His gaze, sharp and frantic, searched for signs of green. The warning of more blasts, the flash of the fabric of a gi, anything.

He spotted his brother in the arms of Not-Cole. No, no, no-

And suddenly Not-Nya was there, given a boost by Not-Jay. Her grip was as if she were wearing the robotic mech suit, harsh and powerful and near in-human. She threw Red back to the dock floor as her face twisted with the fury of a storming ocean. A resounding crack rang out over the harbour.

Red couldn't tell if it came from the planks under him or his own shoulder.

She pinned him to the wood, barking accusations and threats in his face faster than Not-Jay could talk. Red blinked through a haze of pain, trying to focus on her face and words. She was missing the beauty mark on her face, he noticed. Yet another tell she wasn't his sister.

"-scar on the wrong side-" And it was hard to hear again over the ringing in his ears. He tried to throw her off, get back to Lloyd, anything, but he was-

Useless. 

Her hands suddenly got in his face, slamming his left cheek to the wood. She was close- close to his face, close to his eye, close to his scar- pushing and prying as she tried to do something. Red picked up in his struggling, his attempts to free himself turning to desperate shoves and wild clawing like a trapped animal. He wouldn't let this creation of Garmadon's finish the job that teen had started all those years ago. 

"Or better yet, he needs to shut his damn mouth."

The flash of a knife. His vision half-blurry. Blood- so much blood- and a lasting scar.

"-contacts-" "-red-" "-struggling-" "-we know what he- it- is already-" "-not the real Kai-" "-wish-" "-Garmadon-"

He had to get away. Get Lloyd away from them now.

In one surge of strength- and yep, his shoulder definitely wasn't okay after that move, as if he'd ripped it not just from its socket but from its very attachment to his body- he knocked Not-Nya aside. If he could’ve seen through the red haze, he might have noticed red embers dancing around his fingertips as his desperation and fear tapped into something deep in his soul.

He tried to shoot to his feet, tried to run for Lloyd (held so tight in Not-Cole's grip, surely they were hurting him, he couldn't let that happen-). He roared, "LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!", but before he could take another step through Not-Jay and Not-Zane in his path, the docks gave one last ominous shudder  before deciding it had finally had enough.

The planks crumbled underfoot like charred firewood in a crackling campfire, and Red was sent tumbling into the frigid ocean water below.

#spbnr #reverse Thanos snap au #reverse thanos snap #ninjago #lego ninjago #same People but not really #kai ninjago

[swagforov]

time after time (tokigou)

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”

 ― Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones

    If there was anyone who reminded Goh the most of stars, it was Tokio. Tokio, with his beautiful snow-white hair that fell in fine, silver strands around his face, his startlingly golden eyes that sparkled regardless of the time of the day. Tokio, who laid down beside him on the grass and watched the stars with him and made up constellations of Pokemon in the sky. Tokio, who Goh brought soup with star-shaped carrot slices for him the next day, only to be left alone in the pouring rain, waiting for a boy who would never come.

    Goh was seven, chasing Mew down in the Ilex Forest. Goh was seven, running into Tokio. Goh was seven, laughing and running and talking to Tokio, and Goh was seven, falling for the boy with stars in his eyes. (While Chloe’s stars faded and dulled, Tokio's shimmered so brightly, Goh was pulled into his orbit, wishing and wishing over and over again for Tokio to come home to Vermillion with him, so that the light of his stars can stay for ever and ever with him, so that he would never be left alone in the darkness again.)

    “Oh, I forgot a real great one!” Goh exclaimed, turning his head over to look at the boy lying beside him. For a moment, he was enraptured by the way Tokio's eyes gleamed as he stared up at the night sky that stretched over them. Too big, too vast, it threatened to swallow them up, but Tokio seemed right at home among the stars. A child of stardust, Goh thought to himself. Under the silver starlight, he looked a little like Celebi too, and he wondered why Celebi wouldn’t show itself to him.

    The night air was cold but Tokio was warm, and the earth beneath them radiated a pulsing heat, the song of Nincada whispering into the quiet night. 

    “Space really reminds you of Rayquaza, yeah?” he said, turning his eyes to the night sky, and he swore he almost saw the great, twisting green body of the Sky High Legendary Pokemon slithering between the stars and soaring up into outer space. Beside him, Tokio let out a small chuckle, and Goh’s heart skipped a beat.

    “That one’s really cool,” he agreed in his quiet, singsong voice. “But I think more of Jirachi.” 

    “Once every one thousand years, the light of a comet and a pure singing voice will rouse it from its near-perpetual slumber,” Goh narrated, starstruck by the mystery of cosmic Pokemon and the magical feeling of the quiet night with Tokio by his side. “It wakes for only seven days.”

When he looked over at Tokio, who had rolled over to his side, clutching his arms. He felt a jolt, something crawling up his throat. A bad feeling. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Tokio smiled sheepishly. Even that small smile of his made Goh’s heart flutter, just a little.

“I’m getting a little cold…” 

So they headed back to the main road, where they went their separate ways, agreeing enthusiastically to meet back here again the next day. It’s a promise, Tokio's voice rang in his head, and it had rung for more than three years like a haunting ghost. Yes, Tokio had haunted him for more than three years. How foolish he was to believe in his words. And yet, he had, hadn’t he? Because he had fallen for the boy with stars in his eyes, and he had fallen hard, and like any other person who falls, he was left crumpled on the ground, hurting and twisting in pain and very, very alone.

You said… it was a promise.

You said… that we were friends.

Goh was seven when he realised, too late, that too often, words fail, and too easily, promises are broken. 

***

Time was a funny thing. You think after all this time, you’d have forgotten him. But after all this time, you remember his face like it was just yesterday. You remember your conversation, his voice, his stupid laugh that lingers in your ears like a stubborn stain. It’s as if no time has passed at all. Why do I keep thinking of him? you ask yourself and you berate yourself and you hate yourself and you hate time for making you think of him as if he were still by your side when now he’s long gone. Time was a funny thing because the whole world around you seems to be moving on and changing and growing way too fast, but you remain the sad, hurt boy you were three years ago in Ilex Forest, the rain pouring down on you, relentless and never-ending. 

But time was a funny thing also because after all this time, there he is, standing a few metres away from you, his eyes shimmering like the stars in the sky as he stares at you, and you are transported back to that night three years ago where you two laid on the grass on that hill together and pointed out constellations to each other like there was no tomorrow. And maybe there wasn’t, because tomorrow was now, today, and—and—  

It took three years, but he came, he kept his promise, and he is standing right in front of you, looking at you like he found you in a constellation, and you are the only thing he sees.

    “There’s so much I want to tell you,” he says, his voice full of tears and tales and secret, shy emotion that Goh feels his feet shift against the grass on their own accord, pulled by a strange, unidentifiable force. Was it a magnetic force? Was it gravity? Or was it something more? He doesn’t know, and he can’t see it. All he can see is Tokio.

He wraps his arms around Tokio, and breathes in the scent of him. He smells like the forest, fresh and evergreen, and his warmth envelops Goh, as if saying, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. And it feels like starting over again. 

They stay like this for a while. Then they pull apart, cheeks flushed and eyes glimmering, and walk through the forest together to the top of the hill. Hand-in-hand.

#tokio #gou #horace #goh #tokigou #pokemon journeys #timelesspromiseshipping #this is actually supposed to be part of a whole fic but we need more tokigou content! #tokigou world domination begins NOW #999

[lardguz]

All You Can Eat Bluff-et

WHEW. This took me a lot longer to write than I anticipated because I got kind of stuck near the end (just like a certain fatass lawyer in this one, hehe) but YEAH. Wow! Hope you guys like gay lawyer feeder/feedee relationships! 

Phoenix Wright sat on the couch in his office, formerly known as the Weight & Co. Law Offices, blankly staring at the TV screen in front of him. It had been two weeks since he was found presenting forged evidence to the court and subsequently stripped of his attorney’s badge and defense attorney title. Since then he’d not really had much to do, not being used to being unemployed for the first time in years. He had cleaned the office from top to bottom multiple times in the first few days following his sudden dismissal, trying to keep his mind off the creeping existential dread. His friends had stopped by frequently to check on him when they heard the news, and he put on a reassuring smile to them all, but now? The apathy was beginning to set in. Phoenix sat there, wearing just a dress shirt, an undone tie, and some slacks, watching the news talking yet again about his disbarment, with his hand rummaging absentmindedly around in a bowl of potato chips. He kept bringing handfuls of the crunchy snacks up to his mouth, loudly chewing on them without realizing how much he was eating.

  Phoenix had been eating like this for as long as he could remember, but without constant cases keeping him on the move, and all the time in the world to just sit on the couch and mindlessly watch TV, his snacking habits were starting to show on his body. His middle was starting to protrude just the tiniest bit, slightly straining the button nearest his tummy on his dress shirt. As his fingers scraped the bottom of the bowl with nothing left to eat in it, Phoenix got up off the couch and turned off the TV. At that precise moment, he heard the familiar Steel Samurai ringtone that his former assistant, Maya, had begged him to put on his cell phone echoing from across the office. Trotting over to his messy desk, he picked up the phone. “Wright and Co. Law Offi—er, wait. No. Hey, this is Phoenix Wright speaking?”

 “Wright, I’m outside your office door,” spoke a familiar voice with a slight British accent to it, “Open up. How long have you been hiding away in there, anyways?”

Phoenix audibly sighed. “Just a couple of days, Miles. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be right over.” He hung up and made his way over to the office door, hastily running his hand through his hair to make sure it wasn’t a mess.

 There outside his door stood Miles Edgeworth, the famed prosecutor, long-time rival to Phoenix Wright, and his boyfriend. The silver-haired man had bags in each hand which seemed to be very heavy. Phoenix leaned in to kiss his partner and then welcomed him into his office. Edgeworth looked around at the shabby state of the room, empty snack bags littering the floor, and huffed in mild disgust. “Really, Wright, you live like this? Have you eaten nothing but garbage junk food at all the past week?”

Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, you know, I was always more of an art guy in college than a cooking guy? Ehehehe…”

Miles groaned and dropped the heavy bags onto the couch, sitting down next to them. “Well, it is a good thing I brought you some real food then, Wright. Here, come sit next to me. I’ll show you what I’ve brought.” The well-dressed prosecutor patted the cushion beside him gently. Phoenix lowered himself down next to his boyfriend slowly and looked into his cool gray eyes curiously. Edgeworth opened one of the bags and pulled out a few plastic containers of some sort of soup. “This is homemade potato and leek soup, with lots of heavy cream. Very nourishing. It’s still warm, I made it just before I left to come over here. And this,” he said as he opened the other bag, revealing a single much larger container, “is a devil’s food cake. I also made this myself, but I baked it last night. The frosting is also homemade.”

Edgeworth popped the lid off of one of the containers of soup and, pulling a spoon out of the bag, dipped it into the bowl and lifted it to Phoenix’s mouth. Phoenix leaned back a little in confusion, stammering. “I-I am perfectly capable of feeding myself, Miles! You don’t have to—”

He was cut off abruptly as the spoon was inserted into his open mouth. The soup, with beautiful, bright flavors and creamy deliciousness, practically melted in his mouth. His cheeks flushed crimson as his eyes met his boyfriend’s, who lifted a finger to his own lips in a shushing gesture. “You have done so much for me, Wright. Now it’s my turn to take care of you. Understand?” Phoenix nodded quickly, still a little dazed, and Miles removed the spoon, refilling it from the bowl and bringing it to his lips again. This went on and on, as Miles emptied one container of soup and moved onto the other two, until there was no more left to feed to his lonely boyfriend. Phoenix belched softly, rubbing his distended belly, which strained against the buttons of his shirt even more now that he’d eaten essentially a whole pot of soup by himself. Miles rubbed his swollen tummy sympathetically before leaning over to whisper in his ear. “I hope you still have room in there, Wright, because you still have to eat dessert…”

Removing the rich chocolate cake from its container, Edgeworth cut off a large piece and held it to his boyfriend’s lips, encouraging Phoenix to take a big bite of the delicious confection. He opened his mouth wide and took a much larger bite than Miles had anticipated, taking about a quarter of the slice in one gulp. The two men continued in this manner, the prim and proper prosecutor delicately feeding slices of the moist chocolate cake to his now very stuffed boyfriend until no more cake remained. Phoenix undid the buttons on his shirt to allow his strained gut some relief, the orb of flesh firm and hard to the touch. Edgeworth gave his boyfriend some gentle belly rubs to try and ease his aching tummy before leaving for the night, promising to be back again tomorrow with more proper food to keep the unemployed former lawyer well-fed.

  A year had passed since the fateful trial that had left the legendary Phoenix Wright unemployed, and not many people had seen much of the former lawyer since. Only his closest friends, and the occasional food delivery person, had been in contact with Mr. Wright since his disbarment. The one-time master of courtroom bluffs was sitting on the couch in his former office as he did every day now, a small stack of takeout boxes stacked on the coffee table in front of him. Anyone who knew Phoenix Wright in his lawyer days would hardly recognize the man on the couch as that legendary defense attorney now. Phoenix was wearing a baggy hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, having long since outgrown his old tailored suits from when he still practiced law. The loose, stretchy clothing he preferred to wear at present didn’t leave much to the imagination despite not being form-fitting yet. Phoenix’s chest, once a decently defined pair of pecs, had blossomed into a pudgy pair of moobs that even his XXL hoodie couldn’t hide, and his growing gut sat comfortably in his lap, the bottom of his softening tummy rolls peeking out from the bottom of his hoodie whenever he stretched or moved his arms. Speaking of which, Phoenix’s arms were also noticeably jiggly with fat, with rolls that bunched up at his shoulders whenever he reached upwards. He also had a nice, plush pair of love handles that oozed into a muffintop over the elastic waistband of his sweatpants, which his boyfriend Miles Edgeworth had taken quite a fancy to grabbing ahold of whenever they kissed. None of his weight gain on his upper half even held a candle to how his lower half looked, though. Living such a sedentary life for the past year since his disbarment had sent quite a bit of fat to his thighs and rear end. Phoenix’s ass cheeks were enormous, giving him a beautiful pear shape whether he sat his fat ass on the couch or stood up to waddle to the door to get food delivery. Each round cheek was roughly the side of a pillow, and just as soft. His thighs were also thickening at an astounding rate, each one roughly wide enough to get him stuck in some smaller chairs. When he’d weighed himself earlier that week, Phoenix saw that he’d surpassed 350 pounds. If he had still been a lawyer, that number would have stunned and horrified him, but now? He didn’t really mind at all.

 The tubby former lawyer scratched at the stubble on his double chin, leaning forward to grab one of his takeout containers stacked in front of him, when the doorbell rang. Phoenix lowered his arm and instead hoisted himself off the couch, his chubby stomach wobbling underneath his sweatshirt as he did so. He walked over to the door to the office,  his meaty thighs rubbing against each other uncomfortably as he did so. God, I’m probably going to have to start taking bigger steps when I walk soon, Phoenix thought to himself as he reached the door. He peered through the peep hole, expecting to see Maya or Edgeworth or someone more familiar, but instead he saw a face he never thought he’d see again. Or, rather, the lower half of a face, since the upper half was covered by a very familiar visor. Phoenix hastily opened the door and stepped outside to confront the visitor.

“Godot?!” he shouted, “How did you get here? Aren’t you supposed to be—”

“In prison?” the white-haired man laughed. “Yeah, well, as it turns out, murder in defense of another isn’t a death sentence. Your pretty little boyfriend got my sentence reduced for “good behavior” and “health reasons”. He also said I should stop by and say hey.” The former prosecutor glanced up and down at Phoenix’s body, chuckling dryly. “Good to see you’ve been taking real good care of yourself, Phoenix, despite everything that’s happened to you.”

Phoenix gulped, subconsciously scratching at the bottom of his overfed gut which flopped over the waistband of his sweatpants. “So, you heard about… that?” Godot nodded, and Phoenix sighed softly. “Figures. Yeah, I got played for a fool. Given forged evidence to present in court. I’m sorry for letting you down so soon after I proved to you that I was worthy to follow in Mia’s—”

“Trite!” Godot snarled. Phoenix yelped and reflexively covered his face, expecting to feel a scalding cup of coffee smack into his face upon hearing his old rival’s nickname for him. He peeked around his fingers to see the masked man rummaging around in a plastic bag that was slung over his arm. That was the first time Phoenix noticed that Godot was carrying multiple plastic bags. The older man clicked his tongue decisively and pulled out a small white box, marked with a logo like a coffee cup with three red lines going horizontally across it. He held it out to Phoenix.

“What’s in this?” Phoenix asked curiously as he reached a hand out to take the box. Godot stayed silent, so Phoenix opened the little package. Inside was a large pastry, a cream tart shaped like an attorney’s badge. Phoenix looked down at the confection, then glanced back up at Godot, a look of confusion plastered on his chubby face. The masked man’s eyes couldn’t be seen, but his mouth broke into a sly grin upon seeing the disgraced attorney’s expression. “I needed something to do after I got out of prison, so I decided why not do what I was always born to do and open a nice little coffee shop? We’ve been a massive success, and your prettyboy boyfriend told me you’d been really enjoying sweet stuff lately, so I decided I’d bring a little taste of Café Armando to your office.” He lifted his bag-laden arms to properly show off just how much he’d brought with him. “Got a little something of everything we make back there for you, Wright. Mind if I come in?”

Phoenix swallowed heavily, his mouth watering already at just the prospect of gorging himself on fresh-made pastries. He nodded shakily, unable to form words with his mouth in his dazed state. Godot shouldered past the overweight former lawyer, heading further into the office. He chuckled loudly at the stack of takeout boxes on the coffee table. “Looks like you already got plenty to eat here, Phoenix, but that’s fine, I’ll put my stuff on this side of the couch for you.”  Godot dropped the bags of baked goods onto one half of the couch, leaving Phoenix with the other half all to himself.

The portly man sat back down on the couch cushion, his lardy ass spreading out under him to take up the entire couch cushion. He made to reach for one of the plastic bags and grab a box from within, but Godot slapped his hand away. He waggled a finger in Phoenix’s face. “Ah ah ah, that’s not how we’re doing this, Wright. Your man had very specific instructions for me. So you just sit there and look pretty while I handle the hard stuff, tubby.” Godot prodded a finger into Phoenix’s chubby gut to emphasize his point before reaching into one of the bags and removing the box that contained the cream tart from earlier. The older man then swung his legs over either of Phoenix’s thick thighs and straddled his rounded gut, leaning on it lightly while pressing the cream tart to the scruffy man’s lips. Phoenix eagerly devoured the tart in just a few bites, waiting impatiently for the next confection.

The two men continued their feeding session for hours, Godot getting more and more forceful the more Phoenix ate. His fat cheeks and double chins were covered in crumbs and cream, and a few bits of pastries had fallen onto the front of his hoodie, which was now riding up heavily on his distended gut. The soft layer of fat cushioning the outside of the enormous orb was stretched far by the amount of food Godot was stuffing into his former rival. Phoenix’s mouth was constantly full, every time he finished chewing on a pastry another was prompt shoved into his tiring mouth. Godot growled taunts in a low tone the entire time, calling him a fat pig and commenting on how far gone he was after just a year of unemployment. Finally, as he reached into the last bag to grab another pastry to shove into his adversary’s mouth, Godot’s long fingers closed around empty air. Turning his gaze back towards Phoenix’s exhausted, messy face, he grunted in annoyance. “Well, I guess that’s the end of my fun for now, Wright. But before I leave, I got one last thing I need from you…” Before Phoenix could muster a response, Godot leaned heavily against his bloated gut and wrapped his arms around the stuffed man’s chubby shoulders, planting his lips against Phoenix’s cream-covered mouth. Phoenix let out a muffled noise of surprise before melting into the kiss, unable to deny his long-standing attraction for the mysterious masked Godot back from his lawyer days. The two passionately made out for another few minutes, Godot’s sharp teeth digging into Phoenix’s lower lip occasionally. Finally, they parted, and Godot stood up, slapping Phoenix’s engorged stomach as he made to leave the room. Phoenix sat there in a daze for a few moments before the inevitable food coma washed over him, lulling him into a slumber while his stuffed gut digested its feast.

 Morning light filtered through the blinds of the former Wright & Co. Law Offices’ windows, shining directly into Phoenix’s eyes and waking him up. The disgraced lawyer yawned and stretched as he leaned back on his couch, where he had fallen asleep sitting up the night before, just as he did every night these days. It was now a little over four years since the once-famous Phoenix Wright had been stripped of his attorney’s badge, and that time had not been kind to his once-slim and fit body. As he yawned, his fat cheeks caused his eyes to squish shut entirely, and his triple chin creased into a quadruple chin. His neck was buried under rolls of fat, showing no separation between chins and neck anymore. His hoodie, once slightly too big for him, was now several sizes too small, and yet he kept wearing it. The only thing it covered was his oversized moobs, which stretched the elastic fabric nearly to its limits just from their girth alone. The sleeves of said hoodie were starting to rip in places on the seams, his pillow-sized fat-coated biceps poking through the little tears in diamond-shaped bubbles that widened as he stretched his arms above his head. Phoenix’s stomach, while nowhere near his biggest asset, was still impressively large, completely visible due to his hoodie not even coming close to covering it now. His gut split into two distinct rolls that were separated by the fold where the upper roll collapsed over his belly button. The lower roll pooled in his lap like a liquid, settling between his overstuffed thighs while also overflowing over the outer edges of them, and flopping over the edges of his knees slightly. His love handles had also become a multi-layered deal, each one soft and squishy and overflowing out of his strained waistband like an overcooked souffle.

Still, due to his sedentary lifestyle since losing his job four years ago, Phoenix Wright was incredibly bottom-heavy. All those months of planting his fat ass on his couch and doing nothing but eating crappy takeout food, sleeping, and watching Steel Samurai reruns on his TV, with the only exercise he got being walking to the door to bring in all the bags of food he got delivered every couple of hours, truly did a number on the lower half of his body. Each of his enormous shapeless asscheeks took up one half of the couch, the cushions completely flattened underneath his incredible weight. The burgeoning bulk of his massive ass strained the fabric of his once-huge sweatpants, with one steadily growing tear going right down the middle of his butt, which would reveal his boxers to anyone behind him if his ass weren’t firmly sat down on his overburdened couch at almost all hours of the day. His thighs were almost as thick as tree trunks, making his pants look like overfilled piping bags, with little rips forming on the seams where his dimpled cellulite poked through. His thighs were so fat that no mater how far apart he spread them while sitting, they pooled under him in a way that they were always touching. The fat from his thighs was also starting to fold over onto his knees, making it gradually harder to bend them when he stood up to get his food deliveries. Phoenix was also starting to notice that his meaty calves were starting to get so fat that his ankles were fusing with the mass of fat that was the rest of his flabby leg rolls. All in all, the former legal legend was nigh unrecognizable to anyone who hadn’t seen him in the past four years and known about his decline into pure sedentary gluttony.

Phoenix felt a buzzing coming from the pocket of his hoodie that currently rested right between his massive pillow-sized moobs, straining his fat arms against his squishy chest. The sheer size of his chest made it hard for his already-overburdened arms to reach things in front of him, especially when it was something so close to his body. Eventually he managed to reach his pocked and pull out his phone and saw that the last of the deliveries had been made, so Phoenix swung his bulk off the couch and began waddling to the office’s door. His soft, flabby gut hung almost like an apron in front of his legs, the lower half of it dangling halfway down his couch-crushing thighs, slapping against them loudly with every heavy step he took. The obese man opened the door and gathered up the piles of takeout containers in his flabby arms, his wobbling gut just barely brushing the floor as he leaned down to pick up the precious packages. He knew he had a double date tonight with his husband and boyfriend, but Phoenix just couldn’t wait that long to have his greedy gut properly filled. He began steadily waddling his way back to his old worn out couch, his shapeless orbs that were his enormous ass cheeks jiggling hypnotically the entire time.

Phoenix slowly lowered his incredible bulk back down onto his sofa, oblivious to the strained groaning of the metal frame beneath his prodigious rear end. He deposited his delicious cargo onto the coffee table in front of his couch and leaned forward, his double-layered tummy splitting into even more rolls as he strained to reach one of the roughly thirty or so containers of food. He grabbed it in his pudgy fingers and sat back, sighing in relief as he opened the styrofoam box. Inside was a triple decker cheeseburger with extra cheese and bacon, with extra fries. Phoenix always gorged on burgers on Wednesdays, it was an old tradition of his and Maya’s to get burgers on Wednesdays nights after working a long case. Now that she was too busy training to be the next Master of Kurain Village, Phoenix opted to just stuff himself with extra large burgers on his own instead. Grasping the massive burger between his sausage-sized fingers, he lifted it to his mouth and took a huge bite, moaning in joy as the flavors of the juicy burger burst over his taste buds. A little bit of grease dribbled down his scruff chins, but Phoenix didn’t even notice. He continued devouring the triple cheeseburger with practiced ease, demolishing the entire thing and all the fries in record time before moving onto the next container, and the next, and the next…

The former lawyer ate and ate for hours, completely lost in the decadence of his burger feast, each one just as fattening and greasy as the last. Phoenix was completely ignorant to the pounds he was packing on in his fast food haze, too busy stuffing his flabby face with his greasy “breakfast”. His fatty arm rolls grew thicker and thicker, ripping the seams of his hoodie’s sleeves to shreds after just an hour of gorging himself. Tears in the stretchy fabric began to form between his massive breasts, each one straining the overburdened sweatshirt in opposite directions. His soft, flabby gut gurgled as it slowly seeped further outwards, filling his entire oversized lap and overflowing over his legs entirely. His enormous ass and titanic thigh rolls finally won the battle against his formerly-loose sweatpants, a series of loud ripping noises and the twang of splitting elastic signalling their end as waves of lard erupted out of them, his meaty love handles and wobbling cheeks resting comfortably on the arm rests of his overtaxed couch as his oak tree sized thigh rolls dangled over the edge of the sofa cushions.

Finally, after just a few hours, Phoenix finished devouring the last of his burger feast, belching into his closed fist after swallowing the last bite. The man lazily looked down at himself, realizing all he could see was his bare tits and the top roll of his gut. Then he felt his soft fatty flesh covering the entire couch, overflowing over the edges, and it hit him: Phoenix had officially grown fat enough to fill his two-person couch just by himself. As that realization was sinking in, he heard a loud noise, like metal bending, and his heart sank. Trying desperately to lower his sagging lard-covered arms to his sides to hoist himself off of the ticking time bomb that was his couch, Phoenix realized he was now so fat that his arms couldn’t bend right at the elbow anymore, his rolls of arm fat folding over the joint and making it essentially useless. Not only that, but he couldn’t even get his arms down to his sides anymore because of his beanbag-sized moobs and layers of side rolls getting in the way. Well, that just leaves me with one option, Phoenix thought to himself as he planted his chubby feet on the floor in front of him. He began slowly leaning forward, trying to inch his way upwards and off of his sofa, but after a few minutes a cold realization dawned on him: his enormously fat ass was stuck between the armrests of the couch. He’d heard of people getting stuck in a dining chair before, but an entire loveseat?! This was ridiculous! Phoenix didn’t have long to think about how incredibly obese he had gotten, as the couch let out one last groaning metallic shriek and gave out under his unbelievable weight. Phoenix let out a yelp as he plummeted backward to the floor with a resounding boom that sent the entire office quaking. Thankfully he had a lot of extra padding to cushion the fall, and he lay there groaning, his flabby shoulders and back rolls pushing his multiple chins and drooping jowls up around his face. Well, at least Miles and Godot will be here in a few hours, Phoenix thought to himself. I may as well sleep off those burgers while I wait for them. The gigantic man yawned loudly as he fell asleep, pinned beneath his own hundreds of pounds of lard, snoring loudly the entire time.

 Phoenix woke with a start as he felt something laying on top of his squishy chest. He opened his eyes and was greeted with the familiar red glow of his boyfriend Godot’s visor inches from his fat-wreathed face. Standing over him and looking mildly amused was his husband, Edgeworth, holding a few bags of food in his arms. The chief prosecutor tssked softly as he shook his head at his obese partner. “Really, Wright, I’ve been warning you about that couch for months now, and yet you kept ignoring me. Now look where that got you, stuck laying on your back, pinned by your own greedy ways.”

Godot laughed softly as he leaned forward to kiss Phoenix’s fat lips. “He has a point, Phoenix, you really have let yourself go. You’ve become quite the hungry little hog, haven’t you?” The masked man grabbed heaping handfuls of Phoenix’s flabby jowls as he shoved his mouth against the helpless former lawyer, making out with him with such an intense ferocity that Phoenix didn’t really know what hit him. Their lips parted with a whimper from Phoenix, craving more, but it was cut off by Edgeworth sticking a sticky cream-filled donut in his husband’s greedy mouth. “There will be plenty of time for that later, dear, but for now, I’m sure you must be starving. Let us take care of that little issue first before we get you up off that floor and find out just how big a butterball you’ve become.” Miles passed the rest of the box of donuts to Godot, who was still laying on top of Phoenix’s enormous bulk. He positioned the box on Phoenix’s chins for easier stuffing access and began pressing the fried sweet delights into his mouth one after another, barely giving him any time to swallow one before another was fed to him. Miles sat on the floor beside Phoenix, leaning against his pillowy arm rolls as he began stuffing his husband’s face with large fancy cupcakes, frosting and crumbs flecking his droopy jowls and his many stubble-covered chins.

The tender dual-feeding session was over quickly, with two feeders and one voracious feedee making short work of the boxes of baked goods. Edgeworth leaned over his morbidly obese husband’s arm fat to kiss his round overstuffed cheek. “All finished? Then we should probably get you off the floor now and see how much you weigh, hm?” Godot whined from where he still lay on top of Phoenix’s mounds of man-tits. “Aww, but I’m having fun up here! He’s so soft and fun to pinch and lay on now “ The masked man grinned mischievously. “Plus, it’s so fun to see from above just how far the mighty Phoenix Wright has fallen.” Miles gave Phoenix’s flabby gut a hearty shove, sending the entire expanse of his husband’s fat-swaddled body wobbling so hard that it knocked Godot off of his chest. The two men each grabbed one of Phoenix’s lard-coated wrists and heaved, taking a solid five minutes to get the jiggling mound of pure fat that was once the best defense attorney around back on his feet. Edgeworth then led the pear-shaped butterball to the scale he’d bought last year, watching the numbers go up and up. They finally stopped, and Edgeworth read the display out loud. “Seven hundred and sixty-two pounds. Good god, Wright, you really have gotten enormous.” He pulled Phoenix into a hug, squishing into his pillowy soft body. “I’m so proud of you, dear.” Godot grabbed a fistful of his boyfriend’s chair-sized ass cheeks appraisingly, before grunting in approval. “Yeah, I’d say you’ve become a pretty prize hog, Phoenix. Good work. Looks great on you.”

The two much smaller men escorted their doughy partner as he lumbered his way back to the broken sofa. Phoenix was breathing heavily, worn out from just waddling over to the scale and back, but the couch was completely busted. He had nowhere to sit now. Edgeworth patted his squishy shoulders reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Phoenix. I can get you a special reinforced couch delivered tomorrow. But more importantly, I have a job opportunity that came my way for you.”

Phoenix looked at his husband quizzically. “Job opportunity? What kind?” Miles chuckled. “Well, it involves a lot of eating as a front, but… how good are you at playing poker?”

 A young brown haired lawyer was pacing around the defendant lobby of the courthouse. Today was his first ever trial as a defense attorney, and his client was nowhere to be seen. The chubby man was very nervous, loudly muttering to himself in a voice that had clearly been driven hoarse from practicing all night the night before. “It’s fine, Apollo! Everything is just fine! Your client is probably just stuck in traffic, that’s all! He’ll be here in time for the trial! It’s fine! You’re fine! I’m fine!” He took a deep breath and let loose a yell that could probably be heard from across the entire courthouse. “I’M APOLLO JUSTICE, AND I’M FINE!!!” Breathing heavily after such an incredibly loud scream, Apollo wiped his forehead with the back of a pudgy arm and walked over to one of the benches in the lobby, collapsing onto it gratefully. It was then that the rotund young man noticed the array of tables on the other side of the defendant lobby, each one piled high with mountains of food. “What the…” he mumbled to himself, “Who is all that food for…? Is- Is that for me?” He hoisted himself off the bench and walked over to the tables, his fat tummy growling hungrily at the sight of all that delicious food. Apollo was by no means a skinny man, having been well acquainted with stress eating ever since he started law school. Reaching out for a cream-filled donut with one chubby hand, he stopped when he heard noises coming from out in the hall. Loud noises, like a dinosaur was stomping around out there. Curious to know the source, Apollo turned around at the exact same moment the door to the defendant lobby opened. His eyes were greeted with the sight of none other than the Chief Prosecutor himself, Miles Edgeworth. Apollo yelped in shock and bowed his head respectfully, but Edgeworth stopped him. “That won’t be necessary, Mr. Justice. I’m not here on prosecutor business. It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, though. I’ve heard much about you from your mentor, Mr. Gavin.”

Apollo’s chubby cheeks were bright crimson, flustered to receive such high praise from such a legendary prosecutor. “U-uh, th-thank you, Mr. Edgeworth. I mean! Uh! Chief Prosecutor, sir!” Miles chuckled, a sound that Apollo was certain not many heard. “Please, Mr. Edgeworth will do. Now, I’ve heard you’ve taken over the case that Mr. Gavin was originally meant to take?” Apollo nodded. “Yes, Mr. Edgeworth. Once I heard who it was I would be defending, I insisted! He was always a hero of mine when I first decided I wanted to be a lawyer as a kid. Even after what happened seven years ago, I still believe he’s innocent!”

Edgeworth nodded, satisfied by the fledgling defense attorney’s passionate answer. “Excellent. Well, then, your client shall be arriving shortly.” Apollo looked up at him, clearly confused, so Edgeworth continued without pause. “I said I wasn’t here on prosecutor business, correct? The only reason I came here was to make sure your client could get here on his own.”

Apollo hummed in even further confusion. “What do you mean, Mr. Edgeworth? Is he… injured?” Miles shook his head gently. “You’ll see soon enough. Good day, Mr. Justice, and good luck with your trial.” With that, the Chief Prosecutor left the defendant lobby, his coat tails swooshing behind him. Apollo stood in the middle of the lobby, absolutely baffled, when he realized the loud stomping noises in the hallway had started again, and were getting louder-- and closer. He stood and watched as the door to the hallway was opened, not by a hand, but by an enormous flabby stomach as wide as the door was pressed into it slowly. The wobbling double-decker behemoth of a gut oozed past the door frame, soft enough that it could still fit through despite being wider than the doorway itself. Then came the rest of the doughy man’s front, his enormous drooping moobs and upper belly roll the only thing covered by his tent-sized sweatshirt. His neck was a thick ring of no less than eight flabby chins, all covered in a stubbly beard. His eyes squinted from behind jiggling oversized jowls that drooped down to his shoulders. The mammoth of a man continued shuffling his way through the doorway, squishing all his doughy rolls against the frame. His arms, which were just cylindrical dimpled pillows of fat that were slowly absorbing his round hands at the wrists, grasped at either side of the door frame to try and lever his massive bulk through the door easier. But suddenly, his flowing rolls of lard stopped moving through the doorway, and the flabby behemoth strained and pushed against the walls with his swaddled arms, trying desperately to get the rest of his bulk through the door. Apollo shook himself and trotted over to help the comically oversized man.

As he got closer to the wedged ball of lard, Apollo really got a good look at just how massively obese this guy was, even with only half his body visible. The young lawyer wasn’t skinny at all, but this guy even put his soft and round physique to shame. Apollo was pretty sure he could see the man’s feet peeking out from under the bottom of the exposed rolls of his incredible gut, which came down to just above his ankles. Looking down at his own stomach, which only just barely drooped over his belt, he couldn’t help but feel a little impressed, and maybe jealous, that someone could get just so ridiculously fat.

Apollo coughed nervously before addressing the panting, wobbling blob of a man. “Uh, sorry to bother you, sir, but uh, do you… need help getting through the door?”

The blubbery behemoth responded in a voice that was deepened by all the fat caking his neck and interrupted with wheezy breaths every few words. “Yeahh… tha’ woul’… haah… helph a lot… thin’ my assh ish… haah… shtuck…” Apollo had to take a few seconds to mentally translate what the enormous man was saying through his speech being slurred by his flabby jowls getting in the way of his mouth. “Oh, your, uh, b-backside is stuck? Here, let me grab your arms and try and pull you through, okay sir?” The doughy butterball nodded, his cheeks and chins jiggling as he did, and he reached his overburdened arms as far forward as he could. Apollo had to lean into the man’s cushiony stomach rolls to reach his arms, feeling himself sinking into the warm, soft adipose. He grabbed onto the man’s fat-ringed wrists and began pulling as hard as he could, trying to ignore the way being enveloped between the man’s blubbery tits and tummy made him feel. After a few minutes of pulling the immense man’s nearly useless arms, Apollo finally felt the wobbling flab all around him begin inching forward slowly. He kept tugging at the monstrously sized man’s round hands as he in turn shuffled his titanic thunder thighs through the door, every roll and fold of fat covering them touching at the middle, all the way down to his ankles.  Once he got his double door-wide hips and thighs through the door, it was just a manner of getting his fat ass inside, which was easier said than done.

Apollo let go of the man’s flabby arms to take a few steps back and think of a new plan of attack. He scanned the blubbery blob’s body, observing the parts he could now see that were stuck on the other side of the door before. It was no wonder he’d gotten stuck in the door. It was a single doorway, and this man, who was so fat that he’d probably be immobilized by his own weight soon if he kept getting fatter, had a lower half that was wide enough to take up five chairs at a dinner table. One overstuffed thigh was almost as wide as the doorway itself on its own, let alone two of them. His squishy love handles oozed over the top of his sweatpants that probably had more X’s in their size than Apollo cared to even imagine, giving the already definitively pear-shaped blubber bag a overflowing muffin top behind his apron of stomach rolls. His arms rested at a ninety degree angle because of his beanbag-sized tits and plush love handles colliding with fat-coated arm rolls that were the size of his own fat head. Damn, how huge must this man’s butt be if it’s still stuck in the doorway after all the rest of that managed to get through?! Apollo thought to himself, when he noticed the whale-sized lardball eyeing the food tables that he’d almost taken a donut from earlier. “Who’sh tha’… haah… food f’r...? Haah… haah…” the behemoth wheezed. “The food? Oh, I’m not sure. It was here when I got here. No one said whose it was.” Apollo could only stand and watch in awe as he observed what happened next. The monumentally obese man began wobbling his bulky form forward and backward against the door frame, slamming his rolls against it repeatedly as cracks began to form around the wooden framework. He then began slowly inching his thunderous legs forward, having to shift his blubbery bulk back and forth in a painfully slow waddle, his lard-caked thighs touching at all points no matter how far apart he spread his legs to “walk”. As he moved his door-sized legs forward, the cracks around the door frame widened, creating loud snapping noises as he dragged his rolls of fat further and further into the defendant lobby.

Finally, with one resounding crunch, the door frame gave way, parts of the walls surrounding it coming with it, crushed to pieces by the enormous blob of a man and his incredible ass cheeks. The flabby titan’s doughy body surged forward as he freed his backside finally, giving Apollo a chance to finally see the probably half-ton of lard in all his glory, and boy, did it make sense how he’d gotten so stuck in that doorway. The man’s ass was easily wide enough to get stuck in a double door, let alone a single one! Each doughy cheek probably took three chairs to sit on on their own, and they sagged so far down that they were touching the floor! Apollo was stunned. How could someone get this fat and still be up walking around? The swollen mass of fatty rolls wobbled constantly as he stood still, wheezing from the effort of busting through the doorway using his hundreds of pounds of fat as a battering ram. After getting his breathing back to the normal level of heavy breathing for one his massive size, the colossal mountain of man-flesh turned his attention back to the tables piled high with food across the lobby, drooling at the sight of it all. He began shuffling his jiggling bulk towards the tables slowly as Apollo watched in fascinated awe. Each heavy step shook the entire room, his double-decker gut rippling with shockwaves from slapping against his meaty cankles with every step. His shapeless flabby ass cheeks wobbled hypnotically as they bumped against the floor with every movement. His beanbag chair moobs slapped against his flab-caked arms, which rested at an angle  even when waddling across the room. His cascade of chins and sagging jowls shook with every heaving breath from the exertion of walking so much. As soon as the man’s gut rolls reached the tables before the rest of him, he flung his doughy body at the plates of food, his fat hands grabbing any food within reach and stuffing it into his greedy face, chewing loudly and getting his chins covered in food. Apollo cleared his throat and spoke to the whale of a man. “Um, excuse me, sir, but, wh-why are you here? This is the defendant’s lobby, not a buffet.”

The barely-mobile butterball spoke around a mouthful of food. “Mmmmph… sho… Milesh… mrrrrmph… dihden… shay…? Youh… ahre… hffff… my… lawyuh…mmmmph…”

Apollo’s jaw practically hit the floor. Gazing at the mound of blubber before him, wearing a tiny sweatshirt stretched across his moobs and sweatpants what couldn’t even contain half of his ass fat, the young defense attorney stammered out a response. “W-what?! So then… y-you’re the Phoenix Wright?! The famous defense attorney?” The man’s swollen fatty head wobbled in something resembling a nodding gesture, his neck too fat for an actual nod. “Wh-what happened to you? Last I heard, you’d been disbarred seven years ago! How did you end up like… like that?” The enormous Phoenix Wright paused his gorging himself to explain. “Haaah… haah… I wohrk… ash a… haah… tashte… teshtuh… urrrrp… fuhll… tihme…” The blob-shaped man smiled cryptically, before immediately returning to stuffing his face with the frantic speed of someone who thought they would starve to death. Apollo rubbed his temples, more stressed than ever. How was he going to defend someone who couldn’t even go ten minutes without eating? This case was going to be an ordeal, he could just tell.

#my writing #fat!ace attorney #fat!phoenix wright #ssbhm #male weight gain

[excelsi-or]

your type (pt. 9)

Hello wonderful people!! I started a summer job and have been reading a SHIT ton, so I haven’t been writing as much. But I’m kinda back into this story again, and we’re about past halfway so I think we can get this done. :) I hope you’ve all been well~~

w.c. 3.1k (yeah, i’m not apologizing for length anymore. i hope you’re all cool with that lol)

pairing: jihoon x OC/reader

pt. 1; pt. 2; pt. 3; pt. 4; pt. 5; pt. 6; pt. 7; pt. 8

“You have a new boyfriend,” Jungkook says the next time they meet up for lunch in the fall semester.

She shrugs, studying her mug. “I guess so.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “You’re still apprehensive.”

“It’s only been 2 months.”

“That’s enough time to know, don’t you think?”

She shakes her head. “It really isn’t.”

Jungkook rests his chin in his palm. “I told you I loved you after two months.”

“We were young and naïve then.”

With a smirk, he doesn’t bother to point out that that first ‘I love you’ had been only three years ago. “Well, how does he feel?”

“Not sure.”

“Trust your instincts on this,” Jungkook encourages. “You have amazing intuition. You told me before I’d even fully moved in with Taehyung that I’d probably wind up dating him.”

“I said that because Taehyung is a good looking, intelligent man and anyone would date him if they were in his proximity long enough.”

Jungkook snorts. “I guess that’s a fair point. But come on. What’s your gut telling you?”

“My gut says that it’s confused,” she replies honestly. “I can’t gauge how honest he is with me.”

“You can’t compare him and Byunggu. No one knew that Byunggu was going to blindside you like that.”

She chuckles. “Do you know how much he’s come up in the last few months? I haven’t talked about him in forever, and all of a sudden, he’s just the topic of every conversation.”

“New boyfriend will do that. Especially after what happened last time.”

She runs a hand through her hair.

“As someone who has dated you, trust me when I say, you’re an all-in kind of lover.” He nudges her fingers with his. “So just go all in.”

“Go all in? And then?”

“Well, if you get hurt in the end, we’re here. You have people around you to hold you up and take care of you. But you can’t go into every relationship anticipating an end.”

She studies the chai in her mug, the way it ripples when she moves her hands even a little. “I guess you’re right.”

Jihoon (13:41)

Hey, lemme know when you’re done at lunch.

Got some stuff I want you to hear before we head home.

Jungkook nods his head towards the phone lighting up at her elbow. “Is that him?”

She nods.

“Are you going to reply?”

“He wants to know when I’m done with you so he can show me something he’s working on.” She fires off a quick text.

“Works in progress?”

“I guess they’ve been less and less finished, yeah.”

Jungkook hums. “If Yoongi hyung were here, he’d say that means Jihoon really likes you.”

She finds Jihoon in the studio an hour later. Bumzu, one of the TAs, had directed her to the studio when she’d appeared in the music building.

“You’re legendary,” Bumzu had said. “Anyone who’s had Jihoon’s attention this long is legendary.”

She’d had no response for that.

Gently, she touches Jihoon’s arm to make him aware of her presence. Jihoon looks up at her and slides his headphones off. Wordlessly, he passes them to her, and she takes a seat in the spare chair. With her feet up, and her knees hugged to her chest, she listens.

“Can you bring up the sound of the piano? The bass seems to be overpowering it.”

She does this for an hour, and he adjusts as they go along. By the end of it, Jihoon is thoroughly pleased with how the song’s turned out.

“I wish I was as useful for your chemistry research,” Jihoon chuckles. He takes the headphones and puts them on the desk. “You going home?”

“No, I actually have dinner plans.”

Jihoon tilts his head at that. “You do?”

“Correction, we have dinner plans.”

“We do?”

“Jihyo told me to tell you that we’re going for dinner with her and Seungcheol.”

Jihoon’s sweet questioning face quickly changes into something of disgust. “Ew. A double date?”

“I think Jihyo wants to tell me something.”

“And Cheol and I need to be there? Why?”

She shrugs. “I have no idea.” She kisses the top of his head as she stands. “But you need to be ready by 5:30, okay? So, no spending the night here.”

Jihoon hums his agreement. He catches her hand and tugs her back towards him. He pouts up at her until she concedes to a kiss, a bemused smile on her face.

As she closes the studio door behind her, she bumps into someone. Stumbling away from her is a girl she recognizes but can’t place.

The other woman recognizes her first. “You’re Wheein’s friend, aren’t you?”

It takes her a moment. “Byulyi?”

Byulyi smiles at her. Her eyes dart to the door she’d walked out of and the smile on her face falters. “How are you?”

“Good. Just heading home.”

“You taking a music class this semester?” Byulyi asks, her eyes flicking to the door again.

“Oh.” She gets the meaning and the looks. “No. Just visiting someone.”

“Lee Jihoon?”

She holds her breath for another story and Byulyi doesn’t fail her. They start to walk towards the exit.

“If you’re friends with Wheein, you must be a nice person.”

She questions the connection, but doesn’t press that point. “And?”

“So,” Byulyi smirks, “why are you hanging around Lee Jihoon? The man’s manipulative and a swindler. He’ll con you of the love you have to give and leave you heartbroken.”

They push out into the sunlight, enveloped by the dying heat of the day. “He knows the right words to say and he knows exactly when to say them to get to you.”

If she hasn’t learned that already, then she’s an idiot. With a deep breath, she thanks Byulyi for the anecdote and the information. Byulyi is on the list of women Jihoon’s dated. These women follow her around now; the stories are variations of each other.

And at this point, she really doesn’t know what to do with them.

“I heard another one.” She sets her backpack down at the end of the dining table.

Jihyo glances up from her evolution flashcards. “Who?”

“Moon Byulyi.”

It only takes Jihyo a second to place the name. “Wheein’s music friend?”

“Yeah.” She empties her backpack on the table and then takes her water bottle to the sink to refill it. “I don’t know what to make of it. Apparently other people know Jihoon and I are…” She struggles to find a word.

“Dating?” Jihyo chuckles.

“I haven’t told him that his exes keep telling all his secrets.”

“I promise you, the look on his face when he looks at you isn’t one of a man who’s in for the sex or even just for the chase. He’s in. For all of that and all of you. I promise you that.”

The boys are already sat at a table when the girls arrive. Seungcheol pulls Jihyo’s chair out, and Jihoon looks conflicted as to whether he should do the same. Smirking, she slips into the chair next to him. She doesn’t kiss his cheek like Jihyo. She grabs his hand under the table and gives it a squeeze.

“Have you looked at the menu?” she asks him.

Jihoon shakes his head. “Not yet.”

She studies him for a moment. “Do you trust me to order for you?”

At this offer, Jihoon tilts his head. “Go ahead.”

Conversation is light. They play rounds of cards while they wait for the food. When Jihoon wins the last round of Shit Head, Jihyo and Seungcheol roll their eyes.

“You guys can’t win every game.”

She laughs. “You guys just aren’t good at games of speed.”

“Or strategy,” Jihoon adds with a smile.

Seungcheol stacks the cards as the food arrives. She leans towards Jihoon as she names the various foods before him. He’s pleasantly surprised at the range. There are foods that he will definitely eat, and a few that are out of his comfort zone but aren’t off-putting.

“So, what do you have to tell us?” Jihoon asks once everyone’s tucked in.

With his head bowed towards his plate, practically shovelling food into his mouth, Seungcheol answers, “We’re dating.”

Jihyo hits his arm.

“What?” Seungcheol lifts his head slightly to look over at Jihyo. “Did you want to make it a big deal?” He straightens up and looks at the couple across him. “We have decided that we are only going to see each other. Be exclusive.”

It takes a lot of effort to keep from laughing. Jihyo hasn’t had any other man over in the last month and a half. This isn’t surprising. The formal announcement is.

“That’s great.” Jihoon’s focus also seems to be on the food as opposed to the actual conversation. She nudges him with her elbow and he puts his chopsticks down. He mimics Seungcheol’s formality. “Seriously. This is excellent news.”

With a good-natured roll of her eyes, Jihyo meets Jihoon’s gaze. “The way you’ve committed, Jihoon, it’s really made us reevaluate.”

Jihoon furrows his brow at Seungcheol, but his friend won’t look at him.

Later that night, back in the safety of their apartment, Jihoon demands, “What the hell did you tell Jihyo?”

Seungcheol raises his hands in defense. “She asked me last month what my take on your relationship was! I couldn’t just tell her you were in it for a bet! I actually like Jihyo. I wasn’t going to tell her that your relationship was a façade. The only reason she decided to even give me a chance is because you’d been given a chance.”

Jihoon’s gaze could level mountains. “You straight up lied to her.”

“It was that or tell her that we bet on your relationship. You don’t understand how protective they are of her.”

Jihoon shakes his head in frustration. “What?”

“Byunggu?”

“Holy shit. What’s wrong with him? Isn’t he an actor or something?” Jihoon is almost tired of hearing about this ex-boyfriend.

“They threatened to ruin his entire career by blasting it on social media how awful a person he is. The girls have receipts. Even if your girl’s deleted all the messages and rid him from her life, her friends are holding onto them.”

Well, at least Jihoon knows the other man’s definitely not castrated.

“So, yeah, I lied a little about how real your emotions are.”

“Jihyo’ll be furious when she finds out!”

“What else was I supposed to do, Jihoon?” Seungcheol watches Jihoon begin pacing. “I like this girl. Genuinely want to make this work. Even if I only get a few months with her, it’ll be worth it to me. And if I can show her that I genuinely want to be with her in the time before we’re revealed to be the biggest assholes of all time, then maybe I can keep my relationship.”

Jihoon shakes his head in disbelief. “You and Soonyoung put me up to this bet. I told you guys I wanted to back out months ago.”

Seungcheol remembers that day. He was so sure that he would never be one to settle. At least not for years to come. “You can still back out. We can just give up, tell the others that your game isn’t as good as we thought it was. And if we end the bet now while everyone can get away relatively scot free, maybe we should.”

Jihoon shrugs.

Seungcheol catches his friend’s eye. “And I’ve seen the look on your face, Lee Jihoon. You have real feelings you’re scared to admit to.”

He rolls his eyes. “Did it not occur to you that I have to pretend otherwise this won’t work?”

“Whether you’re pretending or not anymore, I don’t know. But what I feel for Jihyo is genuine.”

Hansol (14:21)

You still on campus?

Late lunch?

It’s October and the air is getting crisper. She steps out onto the green with a scarf wrapped around her neck. She finds Hansol at the campus coffee shop. There are two sandwiches on the table, one for each of them.

“Seungkwan?” She slides her bag onto the floor next to her.

“Yeah. It’s one of the reasons why I wanted to have lunch.” He grins up at her, all gums and bright eyes. “I can’t eat two sandwiches.”

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that Seungkwan gets upset when you don’t finish all your food?” She starts to eat and nods in his direction. “Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Hmm?” There’s a ball of food in his mouth and his questioning eyes make him look adorable.

Chuckling, she says, “Well, we’ve rarely eaten out without you asking me something.” She juts her chin in his direction. “What’s up?”

“I, uh…” His cheeks start to redden. “Have a question about a girl.”

Her brow furrows slightly. “That’s new. You’re usually pretty confident about that.” She chews a bit. “Shoot.”

“What made you decide Jihoon hyung was a good idea?”

She tilts her head.

“I have a reputation like hyung’s, but mine’s not real.” He studies the contents of the sandwich. “And I just… I don’t know how to convince her.”

“Ah.” After spending the last four months with the boys, she knows whose reputations are real and whose have been garnered by association. Hansol is the latter, not really dating all that much. The girls he pursues are particular, which must mean this girl he’s interested in is amazing.

“You could just tell her the truth.”

“Do you believe everything hyung says?”

She takes a bite, allowing herself some time to think through her answer. She decides that Hansol deserves her honesty. “Not at the beginning, no.” She lowers her sandwich and holds his gaze. “But a relationship doesn’t work unless you trust that the other person’s being honest. And it gets really tiring to second guess everything your partner’s saying.”

Hansol’s cheeks redden even more this time, the blush creeping up to his ears and down his neck.

“Have you lied to her already?”

Hansol’s eyes widen. His voice is tight, practically squeaking out, “What? No.”

She makes a face. “You’re blushing.”

“Oh.” Hansol’s brain scrambles. “I just… uh…” How does he avoid telling her that her relationship is a bet? “Talking about her makes me nervous.”

She lifts an eyebrow, impressed. It’s rare to see Hansol nervous or outside his comfort zone. “You must really like her.”

“Uhm… yes,” he fills his mouth with sandwich, “I do.”

“Then… just be honest. You’re not your reputation.”

Lettuce gets caught in his throat. “And she’ll just… buy that?” He coughs.

“If she’s smart? No. She won’t. But actions help. Prove to her you’re not your reputation. You’re a good guy, Hansol.”

Hansol stares at this woman who he has grown to like. Her company is great, she’s awesome at games, and her humour matches the group’s well. As conversation veers towards classes and research, Hansol can’t help but think about how the bet will end and how hurt she’s going to be. Four times over the next hour, his tongue almost slips. Almost letting out a secret that will definitely end her relationship. Not just with Jihoon but with every one of them.

She checks her watch. “I gotta get back to the lab. The NMR should be done now.” She slips out of her seat and pats his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”

“Are you coming for dinner tonight?”

She bends down to pick up her backpack, slinging it back over her shoulder. “It’s at yours, isn’t it?”

Hansol nods.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

As soon as Hansol walks into his apartment, he says to Seungkwan, “We need to call off the bet right now.”

Seungkwan has his pink apron on that the boys got him as a joke. “I’ve been saying that for about four months now.”

“Well, we really need to call it off.”

Seungkwan waves his spatula at Hansol, but his eyes fall to the iced Americano in his roommate’s hand and he calms down. “We both know that the guys aren’t just going to do that. Not when they know Jihoon’s this close to winning.”

“What?”

“Do you just ignore all of noona’s feelings? The look on her face when she looks at Jihoon hyung? She’s fallen for him already.” Seungkwan huffs and then takes a long sip from his drink. “It’s just a waiting game now.”

Hansol shakes his head as he heads to his room to drop off his things. “Tell everyone to come early. We need to talk about this bet right now.”

Hansol rarely asks for anything from the others, so when they receive his text, they’re there in thirty minutes.

“What’s wrong?” Jeonghan asks upon arrival. He slips out of his shoes, his eyes not leaving Hansol’s face. “Who’s dying?”

“We’re assholes and we need to call off the bet now.” Hansol grabs his hand to help him over the one step into the house. “If you guys want the money, I’ll give you the money. But I don’t want to see noona get hurt.”

Seungkwan counts heads. “Where’s Jihoon hyung?”

Joshua has his phone out. “He got stuck in the studio.”

Hansol immediately calls Jihoon. When Jihoon answers, he puts the phone on speaker and sets it in the middle of the small dining table.

“What’s going on, Hansol-ah?” They can hear a mouse clicking on the other end. “Dinner’s not for another hour. I can’t make it right now.”

“I want to talk about the bet and you need to be here.” Hansol leans closer to the phone. “Can we just call it off? Hyung, you already know that she likes you. And if she,” he glances at Seungkwan, “if she hasn’t fallen for you already, she’s falling now. So, can we just end this before anyone gets hurt?” Hansol tips his head both ways. “Or more hurt.”

“Yes!” Seungcheol pushes through to the front so Jihoon can definitely hear him. “Let’s call it off.”

The ripple of agreement through the group is comforting to Hansol, but everyone listens when Jihoon’s voice comes through again.

“You guys thought I was still faking it?” His voice is soft, vulnerable. He’s even stopped clicking around on the computer. “Guys, I,” he pauses, trying to bring himself to admit it, “I stopped faking months ago.”

Seungcheol slams his hands down on the table. “We got in a fight last month about this. What the hell are you saying?”

“You told Jihyo without consulting me first. I wasn’t going to tell you that you were right.”

Now, Jeonghan slams his hands onto the table. This second smack causes Jihoon to swear. “So, this is real? Lee Jihoon has a girlfriend?”

“Hanging up now.” They can hear the smile in his voice. “See you guys later.”

#woozi #woozi imagines #woozi scenarios #Seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #Svt #lee jihoon scenarios #Lee Jihoon

[aquietwritingcorner]

Sicktember Day 26: Strep Throat/Laryngitis Word Count: 1176 Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: G/K Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Team Mustang Warning: Summary: Hawkeye has Laryngitis. A general is expecting her to give a demonstration speech, or it will reflect poorly on Mustang. Luckily, Havoc has an idea! Notes: AO3 || ff.net

__________________________________________

Laryngitis

Hawkeye coughed, and then tipped up the glass to drink some more. She made an awful face as she did, but kept drinking it, stopping halfway through. Then she cleared her throat and opened her mouth.

“Hhhhh…”

The men in the room all sat back, frustration and disappointment clear on their faces.

“Well, that’s it, then. We’ve tried every quick fix that we can,” Mustang said. “Hawkeye’s laryngitis isn’t going to clear up.”

“What does that mean about her presentation, sir?” Falman asked.

Mustang frowned. “We’ll have to cancel and reschedule or get someone else to do it.”

Breda shook his head. “That’s not going to work, and you know it. General Wallace has you in his crosshairs. He expects Hawkeye to give this class to the sniper corps and no one else. If she doesn’t, or it has to be rescheduled, he’s going to take it out on you.”

Mustang huffed. “I know, but what else can we do?” He glanced at Hawkeye, who looked apologetic, and shook his head. “No, don’t feel bad, Lieutenant. It isn’t as if you had any control over it. We’ll just have to figure out what to do.”

No one said anything, no solutions to the problem jumping to mind. General Wallace was one of the higher ranked generals. He wasn’t high enough to be on the council, but he was well placed. He happened to be friendly with General Hakuro, which meant that neither of them was especially fond of Mustang. They took any misstep, any slight, and blew it up as high as it would go. He was here in Central, and had decided to throw his weight around a little, bullying a situation into Hawkeye giving a demonstration and talk to the sniper corps. She hadn’t wanted to do it, but she knew when she had no choice, and would do it to maintain Mustang’s position.

An unfortunate bought of laryngitis was putting all of that into jeopardy, though.

“It’s too bad there’s not a way to transmit your thoughts to them,” Fuery said with a sigh.

Havoc sat up straighter. “Wait—actually, that might not be a bad idea.”

All heads swiveled to him.

“Look, one of the key components of working on the field is non-verbal communication, right? You can’t always hear your teammates. We all know the standard codes that they teach us, but once you’re in the field, one of the biggest differences is how well you can read your team, right? What if, instead of Hawkeye speaking, she stays quiet and brings in someone else on the team to translate for her—showing that getting to know your teammates is paramount in doing your job well.”

“That’s… not a bad idea,” Mustang said, rubbing his chin. “Of course, I would be the best—”

He cut off as Hawkeye swung her arm up, pointing at Havoc.

“Hey—what! No way! You know that you and I read each other very we—”

She turned on him, hands on her hips, jaw set, and a glare in her eyes. She tilted her head slightly and sunk her head down just a bit as if emphasizing something. She moved her head around a bit and let out a huff through her nose.

“Yeah, well…” Mustang trailed off, and then he sighed. “Yes… yes, of course, you’re right. It would make things too obvious.” He glanced at Havoc. “Think you can do it?”

Havoc grinned “If I don’t, I’m sure she’ll shoot me to tell me I’ve got it wrong.”

Hawkeye rolled her eyes and spun on her heel go back to her desk.

Havoc didn’t have to be a genius to know an exasperated yes when he saw one.

The day of the presentation dawned a bit cool and cloudy. Havoc and Hawkeye were already waiting on the shooting range, Havoc a bit nervous that he’d agreed to all of this. She smiled at him, though, patting his shoulder for reassurance.

It helped a little.

All too soon, General Wallace and the group with him came pouring onto the training grounds. Havoc and Hawkeye both saluted and, as soon as he allowed them to release their salutes, Havoc started talking.

“Good morning, General Wallace. We’re going to—”

“What is this!” Wallace demanded. “We’re here to be taught by the legendary Hawk’s Eye, not you.”

“Yes, sir,” Havoc said. “But if you’ll just—”

Wallace’s attention switched to Hawkeye. “Lieutenant, I demand that you take over teaching this class immediately, as promised.”

Hawkeye, her gaze, cool, sure, and steely, held up a finger, as if asking the general to wait a moment, the gestured to Havoc. The general looked ready to blow again, but Havoc took over anyway.

“As I was saying,” he said, “Lieutenant Hawkeye decided to take a bit of an unorthodox approached to teaching this class. She’s not only going to talk about the fundamentals of being a sniper, of care for your weapon, of common knowledge that you learn on the field, but she’s going to put an emphasis on how knowing your teammates can help a sniper function better. This will be demonstrated in the way that we have learned to read each other. I will be speaking for Lieutenant Hawkeye, and she’ll let me know if I miss anything or mess anything up.” He glanced at her. “But hopefully not by shooting me.”

The assembled students laughed, and Hawkeye shot him a look.

“Ah, yes… She’s currently reminding me of rule number one: Never aim at a target if you’re not willing to shoot said target. That’s followed by rule two: If you’re willing to shoot a target, accept that you can kill the target.”

Hawkeye nodded, pleased, and then turned around, sniper rifle in hand.

“Alrighty,” Havoc said. “Who’s ready to start with general gun knowledge, care, and safety!”

The lesson took up all of the morning and stretched into the afternoon, Havoc spoke for Hawkeye the entire time, and not once slipped up. Hawkeye, for her part, demonstrated things extraordinarily well. Even their demonstration of being able to read each other in the field went swimmingly. They could tell that General Wallace wasn’t pleased, as it wasn’t what he was expecting, but it was hard to deny that teaching the lesson that way had done good. The students walked away with a new appreciation of reading body language and their team.

By the time it was over, they were both tired and hungry, and more than ready to pack it up.

“You know,” Havoc said as they gathered their things and started walking. “That wasn’t so bad. We’ve got a real rapport going on!”

Hawkeye glanced at him, smiled, and nodded.

“…If you ever wanna leave Mustang, I think you and I could—”

Hawkeye gave him a sharp shove, hard enough to send him stumbling, but Havoc just laughed, knowing that Hawkeye knew that he was teasing.

Sometimes it was nice to know that your team could read you and had your back.

#sicktember2021 #riza hawkeye #Jean Havoc #team mustang #fma #Fullmetal Alchemist #fma fanfic #fullmetal alchemist fan fiction

[rodeoxqueen]

Stuck Thinking About You-Dante/Reader

TheLastCrusader Requested: Dante or Vergil gets immobilized in some embarrassing or inconvenient way during a job and then (Y/N) pays them company until they can be freed. How about they have a crush on (Y/N) and they don't know it is returned until the end?

Vergil’s Part: Coming Soon. 

Read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28187496

Warnings: Fluff, Romantic Comedy, Taking Care of The Twins, Vulnerability, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Characters Call Out The Writer for Her Lazy Writing

Dante was the Legendary Devil Hunter, a tried and true hunter with the might of hundreds of men. And here he was, paralyzed by a venomous demon. During a hunt, it had a lucky shot and hit him with a dart. It would have killed a normal man three times over, causing the victim to lose muscle function and die. Since Dante was not a normal man, his body would metabolize the poison in due time. It’s just too bad he was stuck in his current form, arms to his side and stiff. He was lucky to be able to talk anyway. 

Nero had laughed at his predicament and dragged him back to the van by the boots, throwing him onto the spare seat like a sack of potatoes. His brother had smugly walked alongside his son, entertained by how Dante complained about his now immobilized situation. 

“Laugh it up. When I can move again, I’ll be kicking your asses.” Dante threatened, face down on the cushion with his sword strapped to his back. He sounded muffled and Nero laughed at him again. 

“Wait until (Y/N) found out you got shot in the butt by a demon.” Nero jeered. Dante groaned. 

Oh God forbid you found out, his crush. The gorgeous and funny (Y/N). He’d be a laughingstock. 

You had been working on the Devil May Cry paperwork when the red devil was carried in looking like a cardboard cut out of himself. The red devil was incredibly displeased and had a sour look on his face. 

Nero and Vergil dropped him onto a couch, dusting themselves off and high-fiving. 

“What happened to Dante?” You ask, seeing how Dante was unnaturally still. 

“My brother was unluckily poisoned. The toxins shall wear off soon, although he will be stuck like this for the meanwhile.” 

You see Dante attempt to move with his grunts and groans, yet to no avail. 

“Yeah, he’s gonna have to wait for it to wear off. You should’ve seen him, he gets jabbed and he just drops like a dead body!” Nero wiped a tear of laughter off his face. 

“Anyways, I gotta go back to Fortuna. Call me when he’s back to normal.” Vergil nodded as his son left the door. 

He turned his gaze to you. 

“I am going to retire to my room. Please let me know when he can move again.” He said as he exited the first floor. 

You put your hands on your hips seeing the devil still face down on the couch. 

“Um..Dante?” 

“Yeah?” He said, slightly muted by the cushion. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Can’t move. Stuck.” 

“..Do you want some help?” 

“Nah, I’m alright.” 

“Well, are you sure?” 

“Yeah, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” 

There was a pause. You could hear Dante trying to breathe with the leather of the couch right up on his nose. 

“Would you like to be face up?” 

Dante stopped for a moment. 

“Yes.” You grinned, getting up from your seat to help out the red devil. Rolling up the sleeves of your sweater, you began by pulling on his side at the innermost of the sofa. You grunted as you put all your might on him. 

He was literally built like a brick house, and he sure as hell weighed like one. You broke a sweat getting him to be perpendicular to the couch before gravity helped out and you tipped him over. He fell back on the couch with a resounding thump. 

“Thanks (Y/N).” He flashed his charming grin, a bit of a struggle as his face muscles were slightly numb.  

You smiled at him. You saw how his veins were slightly darker, and he was quite pale. His body must be working overtime to detox itself. 

“Do you want anything while you’re trapped like this?” He made an effort to try to shrug. 

“I’m good.” Dante was not good. He was freaking out. You were used to touching him, punching him when he said a joke too cheesy, and those grazing touches he’d freak out internally over. You had such nice hands. His side where you pulled him up had tingled. 

You made your way back to the desk, Dante’s eyes on your rear. 

You went back to work, typing up reports, and examining payments from clients. Music played from your headphones, leaving Dante in silence. 

The sounds of you typing, scratching down notes on a notebook, and humming lull him to sleep. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll be up and running again. 

You were half an hour into your work when you heard snores. Looking up, you see that the younger Sparda twin was fast asleep, probably sleeping off the toxins. An endeared smile crept up your face, seeing how at peace he was. 

Dante was an attractive guy, he was nice and funny. He seemed to always want to hang out with you and make you laugh. What a nice half-demon who was your boss. 

The veins around his neck seemed to pulse, forcing the blood to withdraw the demonic toxins within it. 

You admired the white-haired male, before going back to the papers. 

Dante woke up a few hours later. 

He tried to stretch, only to find his limbs were still stuck to his sides. 

“Ah shit.” He mumbled, yawning. His jaw popped in several places and he tried turning his head to see you. 

You answered the phone tucked by your ear as you rapidly typed out more reports. 

Once you had hung up the phone, you saw that the sleeping man had awakened. 

“Hey, Dante. You’re up. How are you feeling?” Dante sighed.

“Still can’t move.” You frowned. Even with his metabolism? 

“Aw, that sucks.” 

“Is that all my paperwork?” Dante asked, seeing the mountain of papers on the table. You slapped the yellowed papers. 

“This bad boy can fit so many missing payments.” You joked, quoting a car commercial you saw. Dante rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, let’s all make fun of Dante.” He said. 

You went back to check a few things. Dante peered at the clock. Crap, he always forgets to fix that clock. It’s been 4 o’clock for three months now. 

Dante coughed. He hadn’t had a sip of anything for hours now and napping always made him wake up with a desert-dry throat. He also wanted to rub his eyes but once again, can’t move. 

There was a knock on the door. You grabbed your wallet and got to the door. An amazing smell hit Dante’s nose. 

You came back into his line of sight when you came back with a plastic bag

“You hungry?” You asked, opening the box of pizza you had ordered. You hummed with approval when you saw no olives. 

“Meh, not really.” 

Just when Dante wanted to be low-key, his stomach made the loudest noise. It was like a damn whale call. Mind you, he was starving after his nap. He flushed with embarrassment but tried to play it off. 

You laughed. You made your way over to Dante. 

“It’s fine, I got enough for the two of us.” Setting the pizza box on the ground, you sat next to his still paralyzed form. 

“Oh man, you totally didn’t have to-” His stomach made a louder noise at the amplified smell of baked goods. 

You laughed at his expression. 

“It’s not like I can just move and take a slice right now.” He groaned. His eyes widened when you held up a fork of sliced pizza. You absolute angel. 

“I know.” You winked. 

“Now say ah..” You teased. He smirked, opening his mouth to be fed. 

Dante felt the warm cheesy culinary creation hit his tastebuds. He reveled in the lack of olives, something he always got on his slices whenever he ordered. 

You helped yourself to your own slices between feeding Dante. 

He swallowed wrong, and coughed. He had already hid his dry throat from you, not wanting to be needy. He continued coughing like a madman. A straw hit his lip and he simply sipped it, doing whatever he could to counter his fit. 

The familiar sweetness of cola soothed him and he let out a small burp.

“My bad.” He smiled as you laughed. His eyes darted to the can of soda you put back on the floor. Holy shit. You were drinking out of that. You gave him your straw. You were cool sharing drinks with him. That was an indirect kiss. Dante was ready to implode. Before you could notice his shock, he quickly made a diversion. 

“Where did you order this? It’s a lot better than the place I order at.” He asked after another forkful. You shrugged. 

“It was this new place that recently opened up. It’s close where I live. Thought I’d spice things up a bit and pick a new joint.” 

“Have you been there before?” 

You shook your head no. 

“Yeah, I haven’t. This was my first time ordering there.” Maybe next time Dante could take you there. 

“Feeling bold aren’t we?” You asked smugly at his mumbled sentence. Shit. He did not mean to say that out loud. 

“Uh. Yeah. I am.” He sputtered. You chuckled at the devil’s sudden bashfulnes. 

Dante wished he knew when to shut up. This was one of the times he wished he could. 

“Yeah. I like you a lot. You’re really nice to me, you’re real good looking too. This is totally not how I wanted to ask you out but here I am. This is really awkward for me. You can totally say no. I’m not going to be mad. I’m also your boss so that might be weird-” 

“Tell you what-” You quickly gave him another piece of pizza. 

“Once you can move again, I’ll take you on that offer.” You winked. Dante almost choked again. 

“I like you too, if you haven’t noticed.” You added, looking away for a moment. 

He laughed. You angel. 

Once the slices were cleared and the drink finished, you cleaned up. Dante saw through the window a completely dark night. 

“Whoa. It’s super late. Are you sure you want to go out that late?” Dante asked, genuinely worried. 

You shrugged. 

“I mean, it’s not too bad. I don’t live that far-” 

“I can teleport you home.” Vergil called from the stairs. The older twin came down with his book in hand. 

“Oh Vergil. Nice to see you again. I saved you a couple slices of pizza.” You pointed to the box that lied on Dante’s desk. 

“No need. Although the gesture was very kind of you.” Vergil quickly took out the Yamato, slashing through dimensions.

“Well this is oddly convenient plot-wise. Totally lazy writing. The writer definitely gave up with the conclusion. This is outrageously well-timed.” You said, hands on your hips. Vergil gave you a look.

“What?” 

“What.” 

“Anyways. I’ll see you soon. Call me when you’re back to normal.” You say to Dante. He winks at you and makes a click noise with his mouth. He’d do the finger guns too but again, he can’t freaking move. 

You left promptly, waving at Dante and thanking Vergil. 

The older twin turns around to see his shameless brother. 

“So, how long were you upstairs waiting for her to leave?” 

“Too long. I’m surprised she took overtime just to take care of your sorry self.” 

“I’m the one with a hot date, Mr. I Got Laid Once.” 

His brother scowled. 

“If it were not for the fact that you are not a fair match in your current condition, I would have slaughtered you by now.” The Yamato was pointed in his direction and Dante blew a raspberry at him. 

“Whatever.” 

“I’m going to bed. You can stay on the couch, you dolt.” Vergil snipped, going back up the stairs. The lights were shut off, leaving Dante in darkness. 

Dante smirked, closing his eyes. He can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and plan out a date with you.

#dante x reader #dante imagine #devil may cry imagines #devil may cry imagine #devil may cry #devil may cry 5 #nero is here i guess #vergil shows up last minute for plot relevance #so many meme references

[lumilasi]

I’ve been struggling to write this one for a month or something now, so I decided to give y’all a sneak peek on the latest Spinaraki one-shot request I’m writing. IDK when I’ll finish it tho, I’m still struggling to decide how to end it. Also I’ve been wanting to focus on writing all the remaining chapters for Depths as that one is nearly finished. Tomura/Tenko is almost home.

Anyway, here’s the sneak peek:

Going through the third week, the weather was still very warm, so warm that Spinner finds Tomura awake one night, clearly unable to sleep due to the heat - or maybe he was insomniac, at this point he wasn’t sure.

Tomura was only wearing loose-fitting black pants with a thin canvas to them, glancing up at him from the couch he’d sat on, TV running in the background while kept on low volume, probably had been to try and not wake him up. Spinner could tell he was sweaty from the heat with how his hair was sticking to his skull. It was totally just the hair he was looking, not anything else.

”Your AC seems to be malfunctioning.”

Checking on it, Spinner notes he was right.

”Damn. I’m sorry. Guess gotta call someone to repair it tomorrow.”

”M’fine. Used to sleeping very little anyway.”

Huh, so maybe he was insomniac?

Spinner sits down next to him hesitantly, trying his best not to look while also kind of looking - again. What was with him lately anyway? He’d seen people half naked before during his schooldays in boys’ locker room, and on the beach and so on. Why did Tomura being like that bother him so much?

”Heh. Spooky folklore and urban legends reruns during the night? Guess it makes sense, fits with the dark atmosphere.”

Spinner looks up at the TV screen, quickly realizing what Tomura meant. There was a show he’d seen before, talking about urban legends across the country. This episode was one he hadn’t seen before, revolving around ancient ninjas or something.

”Well would ya look at that? What a coincidence.”

Tomura muses out and Spinner looks at him confused, before looking back at the TV. The episode legend was talking about some sort of group of supposed near mythical ninjas of assassins or something. Wait weren’t those kinda the same thing?

”What’s this legend about? Never heard of it.”

”It’s called the Yokai King. A master assassin of legendary skill that people to this day debate whenever he existed. According to the legend all the assassins under his command were some form of yokai, from bakenekos to kitsunes, and even a jorogumo.”

”W-what? Really?”

Tomura shrugs, cracking his neck slightly.

”From what I understand - and what the show is talking about right now - it is suspected the ”yokai’ were just humans who used a name of a creature to describe them. There are some rumors that these people might’ve had special kind of mutations that give no outward changes but ’internal’ abilities that cannot be seen.”

”Huh...that’s...kinda cool? I mean as a legend, the assassin part is a bit...”

”To be fair, the legend states the Yokai king only sends his ilk against those he deems unworthy of life. In most stories the victims of his children - as these underlings are called, though how many of them actually are his kids is a debated matter - have been criminals of worst kind. Child abusers, rapists, serial killers, stuff like that. Rich Tax frauders.”

”.....what?”

Tomura turns to look at him with a smirk. That smile was giving him a weird funny feeling, but Spinner was too focused in on the story to care about it.

”There’s more modern versions of the tale about his ’children’ going after rich landlords who abuse their wealth.”

”So they just...”

Spinner makes a slitting motion across his throat, gaining a slight shake of head from Tomura.

”Not always. The ’death’ dished out isn’t always physical. Sometimes it can be mental, social, or financial kind. Tax frauders end up dirt poor, prideful child abuser holding up appearances gets shunned away from their community, etc. To some people there are fates worse than simple death.”

”O-oh...”

”Yeah. I think in a lot of tales the King typically has four assassins; one for each type of ’death.”

Tomura holds up his finger now, smirking amused at how closely he was listening.

”First, is the ’financial death’ often known with the nickname Tanuki. This one is typically the one in charge of dealing with unruly greedy people and leaders, making sure they lose all they hold dear - their finances and influence typically.”

”Why Tanuki?”

”There’s lotta stories about it. Some say the first holder of this title in the legend was an actual one, or had Tanuki-like tendencies with gambling, playing tricks on people and such.”

Tomura shrugs, glancing at the TV briefly. The program was currently discussing this same topic, but Spinner found himself more interested in hearing Tomura tell it, as he seemed to have knowledge of the legend.

”Second is usually either known as the Jorogumo or Snow woman. As you can guess this ’child’ is typically a woman in these legends, often linked to the more psychological death - though arguably they also often literally kill their prey. She is often depicted as stalking their victim for a while, keeping an eye on them and causing psychological turmoil. Other times she’s said to even lure the victims into a trap, until it is too late.”

”...Kind of clicheed in a way, that the woman does that.”

”That’s how these old folk tales are. Didn’t make ’em. Plus there have been some stories from what I remember that dispute whenever this ’child’ was always a woman.”

Tomura shrugs and cracks his neck, now holding up a third finger. His red eyes looked almost like they were shining in the surrounding darkness, with the TV screen reflected on them. It was kind of eerie but also mesmerizing to look at.

”Third, the kitsune, is said to be the one for social deaths. This one will burn all the bridges around you, making you isolated for everything and everyone you had control over, before devouring you. In the same sense the kitsune also protects the victims from the person they punish.”

”And...the...last one?”

Tomura holds up a fourth finger now, the light from TV dimming down as the screen switched to a darker scene.

”The Shinigami. The ultimate death. This one’s often said to be the yokai king’s strongest child, for they represent an absolute death. No mercy, no second chances. If this child goes after you, you are a goner.”

Tomura drops his hand slowly, and Spinner swallows down hard, frozen in place. He stares at the pale face for a long moment, up until Tomura closes his eyes suddenly, starting to snicker. It eventually grows into a full blown laughter, making Spinner blush and frown, asking what was so funny.

”Your face! You’re real freaked out.”

Shigaraki laughs and tries to get his breath back under control, wheezing almost.

”It’s a folktale Spinner, a legend. Not real. Relax.”

”Can you blame me for getting spooked? It’s dark and you’re really good at storytelling stuff like this apparently!”

#spinaraki #fic sneak peek #this scene is Tomura lowkey telling Spinner exactly what he is #but Spinner doesn’t realize it lmao #you’ll understand once I finish this thing #shigaraki tomura #bnha tomura #spinner x shigaraki #bnha spinner

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 49 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

One locked lesson

Mammon, Luke & MC are visiting Diavolo’s hotel. Mammon talks about wanting to book a suite and have a party, Luke says he doesn’t like the devildom opening businesses in the human world cause he’s scared they’ll take it over completely. Barbatos says that Diavolo is only interested in coexisting in peace & if he’s gonna snitch to Michael he should tell him their actual intentions. Luke says he’s not a tattletale Mammon vehemently disagrees with that. Barbatos reveals that Diavolo & Levi have started staying up till dawn gaming together (I’m so happy they’re friends!). Mammon said he never knew that Levi previously had issues against Diavolo. When Luke asks where Diavolo is Barbatos tells him he’s out on a date with Lucifer. Mammon asks about Barbatos’ choice of human clothes and MC says he looks really good in it. He says the look he was going for is ‘tea leaf importer’. In a private lounge Barbatos serves them fairy ring tea which surprises Mammon & Luke. In the Devildom on rare occasions small sparkling golden flowers grow in a ring rather than the more usual mushrooms, and the teas is supposed to smell like those flowers. He says despite what the ring is made of there’s a legend they form when fairies dance in a circle. Luke says the tea smells and tastes amazing and MC asks if fairies are real. Barbatos says fairies in the human world are supposedly extinct and us humans are really fucking up the ecosystem huh

Mammon seems really disappointed by that and when MC asks why he says that treasure can be found near fairies, leprechauns are also related to fairies btw. Barbatos says there’s still a chance there are fairies somewhere in the human realm – there are rumours about fairy rings made of flowers in the human realm which can only be caused by fairies whereas mushroom fairy rings have a scientific explanation. And that there are rumours that those flowers can be used to make a rare sweet. Obviously Mammon & Luke are excited about finding fairies for their own reasons (AND is this gonna be a Mammon & Luke lesson!??? I desperately need that) and MC says lol good luck with that anyway byeeeee~ Mammon & Luke immediately strongarm MC into coming along. Barbatos tells them to bring some flowers back and he’ll make tea for them out of it. Luke & Mammon briefly argue about whether they’re after sweets or money, and Luke wonders where they might even start looking. Mammon suggests going to a library to find out what they can and Luke is surprised Mammon suggested that to which Mammon gets annoyed.

Mammon suggests splitting up to be more efficient and Luke is surprised ‘efficient’ is part of Mammon’s vocabulary. MC can go with either of the boys. With Luke; they find books about angels and demons, including a picture of Michael but nothing about fairies. Luke says the picture doesn’t capture how amazing Michael really is. MC can say A.) that Luke seems to really love Michael. He says everyone loves Michael before remembering the brothers and saying they’re the only ones who don’t (no offense but everything I hear about Michael has made me highly suspicious of him too – I’ll get into that later). B.) MC asks how Michael’s been doing lately and Luke says the way they worded it made it sound like they know him personally. But he says it’s understandable that they’re curious when Michael’s the greatest angel to exist (how can you say that when Simeon is literally raising you!?). He says Michael is till sad about what happened with the brothers and seems to regret it and that though their portraits are no longer in the Celestial palace you can find Michael standing and staring at the empty spot looking lost time and time again – that though he doesn’t say it, he misses them (I’LL GET INTO IT). Luke says that the brothers are happy in their new home and have forgotten the celestial realm and Michael and that after meeting them Luke acknowledges that they have a FEW good qualities but whenever he remembers Michael standing under that empty spot and how the brothers don’t even stop to think about how Michael feels or to look at things from Michael’s perspective he gets pissed off (do…do you think Luke knows about Lilith…..I – I highly doubt it because the circumstances behind her death and everything we’ve seen and heard about the celestial realm so far makes me feel like the brothers were completely justified to leave it all behind). With Mammon; He finds a book about Angels, Demons, Fairies and their worlds – though it’s mostly about angels and angel!Lucifer. Mammon asks where the part about him is and MC says they’d love to hear about his time as an angel. He says he was really talented and that Lucifer recommended him to be a Cherubim (so the others as angels said that angel!Mammon could do anything he set his mind to and we’ve seen that despite what his brothers say Mammon actually has a pretty vast array of skills and can really step up and be the responsible big brother when it’s needed so am I the only one who feels like Mammon’s that ‘gifted’ kid in highschool who got burnt out and then said fuck it and decided to stop trying? And now everyone looks at him shakes their head and asks wtf happened to him? Solmare gave me a blank canvas of a character to project on to and instead I go and choose Mammon :))) I’m in pain). Michael & Raphael treated Mammon like he was a problem child but Lucifer saw his potential (GIVE ME THEIR BACKSTORY!). MC can ask A.) If he was sad to leave the Celestial Realm. He looks surprised and then thoughtful and distant and says he never thought about it. He says dwelling on the past isn’t his thing but if he had to pick he’d say he didn’t miss it. But he doesn’t hate it and or like he never wants to go back and that he doesn’t hold a grudge (okay so usually during a Mammon centric lesson I write this after I finish the whole lesson instead of one by one after each chapter like I usually do and I’m gonna tell you things happen that show that he might’ve been unconsciously lying about the grudge thing). He says he doesn’t know how his brothers feel and that they maybe less happy with the celestial realm than he is (calling back to the grudge thing we know Mammon tends to bottle things up emotionally, specially when it’s things that hurt him, we also know that right after they fell Mammon was the one who took care of everyone so I think it’s very likely while the others had their emotional fallout about Falling and Lilith and being Demons and Satan’s birth Mammon just never got the chance as he was taking care of their well being and I have this whole fic floating in my head about it let’s see if I put it into words). He says even if they wanted to it’s not like they could go back )  B.) If he loved Lucifer back then. Mammon goes Loved!? LOVED!? -ED!? PAST TENSE!? I still love him and fjeodkkfnak BABY! (love that angel!Mammon refused to admit he loved Lucifer while demon!Mammon was like fuck yeah I love him what’dya think!?). Mammon then blushes and then tells MC not to tell Lucifer cause he’ll get a ‘I knew it’ look and grin like he was self-satisfied. Given how happy Lucifer became the last two times Mammon admitted to caring about him and how in the recent lessons Lucifer said he didn’t think his brothers love him I really want them to tell Lucifer. In the end they don’t find anything. Mammon wants to quit. Luke doesn’t want to, he wants to see Michael’s face when he eats one of the Legendary sweets. Mammon gets annoyed saying that Luke’s always going on about Michael and asking if he’s worth it (NO GRUDGE HMMMMMM?!) Luke gets really pissed in return. Mammon laughs and tells him to cool down and that despite being a demon he’s being honest and asks why a ‘goody-two shoes angel’ so pissed (no grudge huh? I mean it’s miniscule rn but everything’s way too complicated for Mammon to be just over it). Solomon interrupts them and tells them to stop shouting. Okay so first off starting from S2 Michael’s being brought up a LOT and I’m pretty sure MC spoke with as well and nearly met him and he said he’ll have to meet them on a later day. S3’s going into depth about the Celestial Realm and Michael’s getting way more mentions and they’ve started bringing up Raphael as well and at this point I’m 100% sure they’re gonna actually introduce them as new characters? Maybe by the end of the season? And I’d love this cause I need new dynamics and to learn more about the brothers’ past and the celestial realm but it also sucks cause I have such a clear vision of what they look like and ik solmare’s gonna destroy that. ANYWAY I don’t think they’ll introduce “bad guys” to the story given that this is a dating sim at the end of the day and Michael & Raphael will probably wanna bang MC too but with what they’ve given so far the Celestial Realm and the higher up angels seem very morally dubious? We know that Michael as an angel gave out punishments that were worse than Lucifer as a demon – Mammon saying he still shakes when remembering them thousands of years later. We know they were against mixing with humans and demons – enough that they were willing to kill off an angel for healing a human. We know they supported the war with the demons and were not actively looking for a peaceful end to it unlike Diavolo (to the point that even Lucifer one of the highest angel in ranking was surprised by the notion of peace). We know their rules were much more strict than that of the Devildom and Raphael acted as somewhat of an enforcer and he considered human parties immoral. We know they highly looked down on the demons and considered them pure evil & below them despite not really knowing anything about them. And sure all of these facts are things that happened when the brothers were still in the celestial realm and I bet they’ve changed after thousands of years and are more open minded, but have they changed enough? The way ‘Michael’ spoke to MC when he called the brothers wicked despite not really knowing what they are like as demons, despite the fact that ‘wicked’ doesn’t cover what the brothers are at all and that there are probably humans who are worse people than them, that he thought MC would be wicked too just because the brothers liked them, the fact that Luke still had these beliefs that all demons were evil and terrible despite having never met a demon, which were the same beliefs angel!Lucifer had when he met Diavolo thousands of years later, the fact the angels still have a very strict idea of what exactly an angel should be like and enforced those ideas on the brothers during the angel event to the point that after they were back to normal they all freaked out. All makes the angels seem highly…..um? questionable. Also luke said Michael missed the brother, but does Michael actually miss them or does he miss the perfect angel versions of them? We know in the celestial realm the brothers had to repress a lot of their urges, likes and even small parts of their inherent personalities to be accepted/to not be threatened to be kicked out (ex: Mammon supressing his pranks/more playful/mischievous side in the celestial realm vs being comfortable enough to fully express that side despite Lucifer’s punishments in the devildom) to the point that they had a secret room they’d escape to just so they could skip work/hang out/relax, we know angels still see demons as evil beings and probably don’t still accept them despite the peace, we know that Michael’s view of the brothers as ‘perfect angels’ completely strips them of any identifiable characteristics even if you were to compare them to what they were like when they were really angels. So when luke says Michael misses them I feel like he doesn’t miss them he misses them as these perfect angel versions of themselves that never really existed. If this season is about getting MC’s stars will next season be about getting Michael and Raphael to accept the brothers for how they truly are? More interdimensional therapy sessions? Does this make sense? Talk to me

Solomon says he doesn’t know what happened to the fairies but that they’d have more luck finding them if they went out and looked deep in places free from human influence than looking for info in a human library. Mammon says Solomon should change his name to the “not so wise” & Solomon says it’s not like he came up with his nickname in the first place. Luke has the idea to ask Crowe for help. When Mammon asks Levi about his falling out with Crowe Levi says though they aren’t friends anymore he’s still useful. MC asks crowe where they can find fairies and they find out about rumours near Lake Io Lanthe. Though they can only get there and back within a day with a private jet. Mammon says it’s not like they can use their own wings to fly in the human world either and I’M!!!!!!? would Mammon have had to carry MC? Have they seen the brothers flying in the devildom? Has anyone carried them and flown? In the end they decide on an overnight train ride. Levi says the “kids” should probably first get permission from the “adults.” MC who’s a fully independent grown adult doesn’t need permission.

Simeon happily agrees as long as they can find someone to cover Luke’s shifts in the café. Luke asks MC which of the brothers they should ask, there are 6 options and for each the 3 of them imagine the scenario that would take place. 1.) Levi; Simeon getting steadily more and more irritated while Levi tries to win a game instead of working till black-purple smoke is rising out from Simeon even as he smiles sweetly and calls Levi. 2.) Lucifer; looking deeply disappointed with crossed arms says “So, are you going to tell me your order or not? Hurry up. I don’t have all day. I have (list of café related chores) French chocolate cake with hot cocoa? Are you insane? Who in their right mind would pair chocolate cake with hot chocolate?” why is this so funny!?? 3.) Satan; Fully serious “Simeon, table two wants an earl grey. And a pretty kitty special to go with it.” Simeon, “WTF is a pretty kitty special!?” The pretty kitty special is paw shaped pancakes and Simeon thinks they’re cute. In this universe no customers or Levis are harmed. 4.) Asmo; Asmo starts almost instantly hitting on the customer. “You know I don’t usually do this but how about I sit down with you for tea?” Luke says while bright red, “ABSOLUTELY NOT! He’ll turn the Angel’s Halo into a different sort of place.” And umm Luke buddy what exactly were you thinking of here… 5.) Beel; Simeon: Hey have you seen the BLTs? Beel: *actively munching away* No. Can’t find them? Want me to help? Simeon: …Nevermind 6.) Belphie; Orders food for himself from Simeon during a lull in the customers and takes a nap before Simeon even gives it to him. In the end they decide on Satan.

They find Satan at the pizza place watching his tab with a serious expression, Luke wonders if he’s learning new things about the human world (languages, the economy, etc) Mammon says that’s the face he makes when he watches cat videos. When Mammon tries calling him he pretends he doesn’t know them until Mammon’s yelling his name and he can no longer ignore them (Wonder how humans feel about some buy yelling ‘SATAN’ in the middle of a diner). Satan immediately refuses to work at the café cause he’s busy (watching cat videos) until MC lies through their teeth and says that Simeon wants to turn the café into a cat café. Luke jumps on board instantly and starts supporting MC’s claims further adding that as a cat lover they need Satan’s advice and that working part time at the café will give him a better understanding to how the business is normally run. He then agrees to help. (Luke none of that lying seems really angelic…). At the café Satan immediately goes “okay, so… let’s talk cats”. And Simeon’s like????????

At home Lucifer’s still not back from his date & they tell others about their plans for the trip. Asmo says if he had a choice he’d like to meet Narcissus… Mammon tries to play off the fact that he’s nervous about asking permission from Lucifer and Belphie tells them to watch out for Banshees – a type of fairy - when they get there (I first heard about banshees as a little kid and they freaked the shit outta me, gave me way more anxiety than I already had). Satan says there are lots of types of fairies including those that make you fall in love. Mammon is way more interested in them than in Banshees – Asmo tells him he’s being a pervert. Lucifer arrives after dinner and they follow him to his room. Lucifer says a quiet lake might give Mammon the chance for some self-reflection and personal growth (pretty sure Lucifer needs that too ngl) and it’ll give Lucifer some peace and quiet but also who the fuck’s gonna pay for you huh!? Mammon tries to play the “my favourite older brother” card. Lucifer disagrees and they decide to gamble on it – if Mammon wins he gets to go and if Lucifer wins Mammon gets bathroom cleaning duty for a week. Lucifer says Mammon’ll just cheat so MC volunteers to play and Mammon gets really happy that they’d do that for him, saying he feels like crying. Lucifer agrees except if they lose BOTH of them get bathroom duty. MC has to guess if the card Lucifer draws is odd or even. Even’s correct and they get to go without a fuss. If they pick even they lose.

If they lose the next chapter starts with Mammon crying in MC’s room about MC and Luke being allowed to go and not him and how with MC gone bathroom duty is all his, MC says they’ll do anything to get him to forgive them and he blushes and asks them to stay with him till he allows them to leave and that means they’re gonna be at it all night…. ALL RIGHT ANYWAY Luke then texts them saying he’s impressed that they managed to convince Lucifer to let Mammon go and that Lucifer had actually sent Luke three tickets for “Mammon’s journey of Personal Growth” and Lucifer’s such a good dad sometimes I can’t deal with this BS. Mammon immediately runs off to thank Lucifer and you can then hear lucifer screaming at Mammon to get out and stop hugging him cause he’s in the shower and I love them both so much I NEED them being soft to each other more and the only reason Mammon ended up being the avatar of greed is cause Lucifer probably spoilt him rotten growing up *cough*Lucifer’s B’day Present To Him*cough*. If they win the next chapter starts in Mammon’s room where he’s asking crowe, who’s apparently been borrowed from Levi, how much money he could make selling fairy ring flowers, he then asks MC to ask crowe something too. They can ask crowe about tomorrow’s weather or tease Mammon by either asking crowe how to control Mammon or asking if they’re compatible with Mammon. Mammon blushes but Crowe says they’re fairly compatible and if they can control Mammon’s self-destructive tendencies and how he puts money before everything they may last – mammon says all of that is wrong (I mean we have seen that he actually puts MC before money and material goods quite a few times so yeah…). He says they already know how well they work together better than anyone in all the 3 worlds and they don’t need anyone to tell them that and MC kisses him. Mammon blushes and says “yeah ik Luke’s gonna be with us but let’s try and get our own room to share cause this is the one chance to get time alone away from the others so we can have all kinds of fun. Though we can still have plenty of fun rn” and then he calls them closer and the screen fades to black :) It later opens to screams being heard from inside the house somewhere.

#obey me spoilers #my posts #my theories #obey me #obey me! #swd obey me #shall we date? obey me! #obey me shall we date

[fbfh]

Connor Stoll dating headcanons

1.1k words

Gender neutral reader

I'll add the read below once I'm off ~mobile~

I might reference my dating Travis post a little so if you haven't read it yet here's the link

Since Connor is the younger brother he's obviously gonna have more of that 

What's the word

Crackhead energy

He also has a little more of a baby face

Which is just fucking adorable

His hair is shorter on the sides too

Like go much shorter and it's basically an undercut

They practically have their own language of inside jokes and references and stuff

The longer you're around them the more you start to pick up

Connor's so proud when you get references without having to explain 

He absolutely will not date someone if Travis doesn't like them

Thankfully Travis sees how much Connor likes you and goes easy on you

Connor is a non stop bad idea machine

I hope you're ready to act as 60% of his impulse control

He likes climbing trees with you

"I will never be to old for this"

Just sitting

Existing together in the foliage 

Will absolutely make "y/n and Connor sitting in a tree" jokes as an excuse to kiss you

An absolute imp of a man

Like if you didn't know better you would think he's some sort of trickster fairy boy like Puck

Constantly on the verge of pulling some bullshit

Speaking of Puck

I feel like he likes a midsummer nights dream a lot

He doesn't talk about it much though

[John Mullaney voice] that's the thing I'm SENSITIVE ABOUT

Like he’s seen all of the film adaptations 

And has very strong opinions on all of them

When he found out that fairies and nature spirits were real he almost shat himself 

Quotes it under his breath sometimes 

He doesn't bring it up for a long time

Like he barely even talks to Travis about it

But when you've been together for a while you'll eventually find out how much he loves it

You quote it back to him sometimes 

It always makes his heart happy 

Loves going thrifting with you

Please look at anything from the blog shifty thrifting 

Because that's the kind of weird shit you two find together 

Make sure to hold his hands a lot

It helps with the whole accidental theft thing

This goes without saying but like

Prank🗣wizard🗣

The last summer before Travis started college 

Connor grabs you at like 9pm and shoves you into the bathroom

You're like woah there tiger

He holds up a shopping bag and has that look on his face

"I got wind that Travis is planning to dye my hair green as an end of summer prank, but I'm beating him to it"

You're about to point out that dying Travis's hair green days before he starts college is probably not the best retaliation

Before you can he rips open a box of platinum blonde dye and hands you a pair of gloves

"He can't dye my hair green if I beat him to it"

You spend like two and a half hours getting his hair from his warm chestnutty brown to Billie Eilish neon green

You can hear the laughter and yelling from Hermes cabin past midnight when Travis pulls down his brother's hood

And Connor, without opening his eyes, whispers

"Too slow, man"

The camp fucking riots over that for the next week

Easily one of his most legendary pranks he's ever pulled

He has a lot of that "your cool wild free spirited manic pixie dream boy boyfriend from high school" energy

Expect a lot of rooftop picnics

Mostly with takeout 

And lots of kissing 

But who's complaining 

"Take out and make out" - Connor probably

He finds stuff that makes him think of you 

And he wants to give it to you

But he is the most awkward gift giver e v e r

He usually just tucks presents here and there and waits for you to find them

Like an affectionate raven

“That’s a nice necklace,” 

“Yeah thanks, it’s one of my favorites”

Neither of you bring it up but you both know how much it means 

So Travis is at college learning psychology 

And Connor's really proud of him

But it sometimes gives him this bad feeling in the pit of his stomach when he remembers his brother has it all figured out and he doesn't 

It makes him feel bad about all the goofing off he does

He brings it up to you at one point 

His head is on your stomach and you're watching the stars 

Your fingers move to play with his hair while you take a second to collect your thoughts

"I mean, you can't really hold yourself to that standard, Con. He has had three more years to think about this stuff,"

"I know, I feel like I'm just so far behind,"

"You're not behind, you're younger. That's not a bad thing. Plus, that youthful glow you still somehow retain makes you so good at connecting to the younger kids at camp. That's really important."

He breathes out a laugh as he realizes you're right

"I mean, just last week I saw Emma and Harley trying to short sheet Nyssa's bed!" 

"Seriously? Emma and Harley?"

He laughs more at the idea of Nyssa getting short sheeted 

Emma had been so shy and withdrawn since she'd come to camp

It was really hard to get he to participate in camp activities and training, and Chiron was a little worried 

Something kind of clicked for Connor that night

A few years later when he would have aged out, he talked to Chiron about being a year round councilor 

Chiron agreed enthusiastically, and the number of little demigods coming out of their shells faster and faster rose every year

He sometimes lets younger kids call him Connie, which never fails to make them giggle

He kissed you once in front of a group of elementary school aged kids practicing with wooden swords and you couldn't help laugh at the chorus of "EEEEEW"s that errupted

You both sometimes go eeeew! After you kiss and it never fails to make you laugh

Tldr; Connor Stoll is so sweet?????

How did he get to be such a loving boyfriend????? 

We may never know

But we'll have fun on the way

You always do with him

#connor stoll x reader #connor stoll #heroes of olympus #heroes of olympus x reader #percy jackson headcanons #percy jackson x reader #connor stoll imagine