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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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AYE requests briefly open you say? Then here ya go: MC (female or gn) turns into a child for a day courtsey of Solomon (maybe around 5) with the Brothers. I think it'd be adorable, what with finger painting on spell books and things, but there ya go!

The MC is Now Five Years Old, Thanks Solomon...

Oh boy…. A little kid in Hell sounds like a train wreck admittedly, but at least they'll have some pretty strong guardians right? I heard It'll Be Okay by SMLE & Helen Tess and decided that was JUST the feel this sort of request needed.

Intro:

Solomon really doesn't mess up spells often. He's been doing this for a while (at least as far as my headcanon is concerned) so he's gotten pretty damn good at magic over the years. It takes a looot to make him mess up. Like say, a natural disaster, an unexpected surprise… or a whole-ass MC getting knocked into what sigil he's using at just the wrong time. Yeah. That'll do it.

How in the world is he going to explain this to the brothers…?

Lucifer

His anger toward Solomon is quite severe… tempered only slightly by how utterly adorable kid!MC is. (Well all know he's got that soft spot for cute things 🤭) It reminds him so much of his brothers at that age…

The man basically reverts back to being Dad!Lucifer sooo fast.

He's the one tying their shoes, checking on them throughout the day, making sure they're not running with scissors… that sort of thing.

Weirdly enough he's not that bothered by it… In fact, his brothers find it a little unnerving just how at peace he seems when he's keeping track of kid!MC doing this or that… It's like he's just put on an old pair of gloves and found out they still fit.

Speaking of his brothers, Lucifer can't turn off "Parent Mode" so it starts spilling over to them too...

When he started telling Levi "It's bedtime" and used a napkin to wipe Beel's face for him in public, they decided to hold an informal intervention. They're grown demons now, damnit!! 😖

Mammon

The first thing kid!MC did when they saw Mammon was fling themselves at him while screaming "MAMMIE!!!" at the top of their lungs… Regardless of his confusion, the man could probably die happy now.

He only gripes a little bit about being saddled with babysitting duty… Because everybody knows he's not the babysitter now. He's the playmate.

"Mammie, I wanna play House!!" "I ain't playing House with ya, kid. How 'bout Tag?" "No way, you're too fast!" "Hide'n Seek?" "Luci said we can't play that no more…" "Well don't hide in the oven again!" "You didn't find me!!" "That was the problem!!!"

Pretty much the Man-Child/Actual Child Duo. He's perfect for keeping up with them and they'll whine incessantly when they can't find him for too long...

Totally the brother to take them to the amusement park or really any of those super fun places kids love. He will be just as excited as they are to be there, too.

It's not uncommon to find Mammon passed out on a couch or something with an equally exhausted kid!MC sleeping on his back. The two can really wear each other out…

Leviathan

He's probably the least perturbed by this change. Sudden de-aging of characters is a pretty popular anime trope, after all...

He's not all that taken with kid!MC though to be honest… Largely because he's too worried about keeping his stuff out of their grubby mitts. 😖

"Levi, what's this?" "GAH! Don't touch that!! That's my limited edition Ultra☆Rainbow Witch figurine!!" "I wanna play with it, though!" "It's not a toy!!" "That's not fair! You have nothing but toys, Levi!! You need to share!!" "NO I DON'T!!!"

In those times where Lucifer forces him to share, Levi goes full neat-freak. He handles all the discs and games himself, everything gets practically sterilized, and kid!MC HAS to wash their hands before they touch ANYTHING (especially the game controllers). He ain't risking any random kid-gunk getting on his precious possessions… 😰

He does enjoy playing games with them well enough, at least. No one's going to pass up a game of Devil Kart after all!

Sometimes he'll let them win just to see how happy they get… Though, then they start getting a big head about it so he has to remind him who the actual gamer is with another string of losses... Sucks to suck, kid! 😌😏

Satan

… You know, five year-olds ask a lot of questions… A looot of questions…

"Satan, what's that?" "An umbrella. You use it so that rain doesn't get on you." "Where does rain come from?" "Evaporated water collects in the atmosphere and-" "Is rain like the sky peeing?" "...." "Satan? Does your face hurt?... Satan?"

Please Lord, they may not be on speaking terms, but someone has to have mercy on his patience...

In truth, Satan's kind of charmed by how curious kid!MC is, he just wished they'd listen more to his boring explanations…

"Satan? Why does everyone listen to Diavolo?" "Lord Diavolo is like a king to us demons." "Where's his crown?" "He doesn't wear a crown." "Oh… You don't wear a crown and people listen to you. Are you a king too?" "I mean, you're not wrong… 😏" "Satan, get back to work."

Eh, maybe having a little MC isn't all that bad. They don't lie, after all. 😌

Asmodeus

OMG he hasn't seen a child this cute since the twins were in diapers!!!!

If Mammon isn't around then Asmo takes over babysitting duties (like an actual babysitter) and he's more than happy to do it. It reminds of him of taking care of baby Belphie!

If kid!MC has any interest at all in makeup then he's happy to foster it. He won't give them the good stuff of course, but he'll show them how to do blush, eyes, lipstick, nail polish, whatever!

He also dabbles in a bit of facepaint so do they want to look like a kitty, panda, or dragon? He's got them covered.

Asmo just likes to let them be creative in all forms, really. He's going to be the one to break out the paint and markers and just the kid!MC go to town! (hopefully not on the walls…)

Takes pictures of whatever they draw, good or bad, and happily displays them to everyone. There's not a big enough fridge to hold all the art he's going to collect (and zealously protect).

Beelzebub

Playmate #2 right after Mammon, but he's the less excitable, more responsible one.

"Beel! Beel! Watch me jump off this slide!!" 😰 "Please don't… You could hurt yourself… You slide down slides. That's why they're called that." "*GASP*... That's right! You're a genius!!" *sits back down* "Not really, but thank you." 😊 *waits for them at the bottom*

If the MC is with Beel, they're doing one of two things. Either they're playing together or gorging themselves on junk food.

Beel actually likes "domestic" games like House and Tea Party because it's an excuse to raid the kitchen. He'll play "house-husband" all day as long as he gets to actually eat at every imaginary dinnertime.

He'll play active games too, of course. Especially action-oriented ones like "Cops and Robbers" or Superheros. No one's better at roughhousing than Beel! Though he'll go easy on them, cause they're small and all… 😅

Everyone can always tell when Beel's in charge of them because he carries them around on his shoulders. He's the tallest one of the family so it's like getting to be a giant!

Belphegor

Belphie was introduced to kid!MC when they started crying during one of his naps. They couldn't wake him and they thought he was dead… Followed directly by them declaring their tears were magic when they noticed his eyes opened.

He proceeded to close his eyes again and purposely play dead just to get them all worried again. It was the smile creeping up onto his face that eventually gave him away… 😏

He likes to play with kid!MC and Beel but he's not going to let it get in the way of his nap schedule or anything. When they play "Knights" he gets to take the role of the world's laziest dragon… Rawr.

Kid!MC will only settle down for naptime if Belphie joins too since he'll read them a book like he used to do with Lilith.

Satan's usually the go-to guy for storytime, but Belphie's a close second (largely because he just imitates what he remembers Lucifer doing for him, voices and all 🤭).

He deals with their myriad of questions by just making shit up and pretending he knows what he's talking about. It's around the time that he told them that little men live inside the freezer and shave ice cubes to keep things cold that Lucifer started getting on his case about it… Killjoy. 🙄

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios

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obeymematches · 3 years

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Dealing With Loneliness (Satan, Diavolo, Mammon)

Henlo do you have any HCs for satan, mammon and diavolo when they're feeling super lonely :3c -💥

ah! hi anon fren!! 🙀 nice to see you again!!! and you got some very inspiring HCs for me so i must do an excellent job here 🙈

Satan

Out of the three he can cope with solitude the best. As he is an introverted person it shouldn’t surprise anyone that this man is fine on his own for an extended period of time - so when he gets lonely you know it’s a real deal

Reading a book or watching a show can distract him from such feeling for a while but let’s be real here, the long-term effects of such just make you feel more lonely

When he is feeling like that he seeks out the company of feline animals around the Devildom - A cat caffé, the area of Devildom with strays, you know he’s been feeding them for a while now! As the local cat lover spending time with cats immediately boosts his social needs back to normal! Not to mention the effects of a cat’s purr!

In addition he probably seeks out Asmo’s companion! They are a well-known duo among the brothers. If you think about it, spending time with Asmo could immediately fill any introverted person’s social needs!

Or if Asmo is not available atm he hits up Belphie with some ideas to curse Lucifer. When he is lonely he has time to think about that and dicussing it with his second partner in crime can ease the feeling of solutide.

He is very careful about not letting loneliness get the better of him because that results in some serious violence. (goes without saying why)

Diavolo

also known as king of loneliness

He’s lonely most of the time tbh because his companion options are so limited. Sure he has Barbatos around him all the time but do you think they are friends? i highly doubt that. Even so they’ve been in the same castle for millenias, obviously he would want a new friend every now and then. (yes he also has Lucifer as a friend option but we all know he is busy af, which leaves plenty of time for the prince to be lonely)

Similar to Satan, Diavolo is also practicing the crazy-cat-lady approach to fight such feelings. Yes, partly he does it because he wants good for everyone (including animals!!), his kindness is unlimited plus animals are cute and vulnerable so why wouldn’t he!!

But if you think about it - as a prince - he is responsible for putting on a facade so the reasons mentioned above can be a facade for hiding his inner loneliness. Which is helped by spending time with animals roaming the castle!

Or just play fetch with Cerberus and the router apparently

All those times he pranks the brothers could be lead back to such a feeling as well. But if that’s true i’m seriously starting to worry about this man’s sanity.👀

pls be his friend he needs new friends i’m begging you

Mammon

I saved him for last because his relationship with loneliness is different than the other two’s. I don’t think it’s so easy to read so I put some thinking into it.

So in general I think he was pretty lonely before MC arrived. If you think about his relationships he has the most interactions with Leviathan and Lucifer and neither of them is like the Satan-Asmodeus duo. Mammon can’t really seek them out when he wants company without getting into trouble (never on purpose though :( ). I mean we are talking about siblings here so it’s fine but it’s not the best, you know?

So like Asmodeus is probably the only one he could reach out to in such case? I mean it’s not exactly Asmo he might be looking for but at least he has someone to go party with!

(this request is making me feel like we are seriously underappreciating Asmo’s extroverted powers sometimes)

Besides that I doubt he has any strategy to cope with it? like how can Goldie keep him company? ig he might hire someone? but isn’t he supposed to be a virgin

However witches summon him rather often so he can’t really be alone for a long time even if he wanted to

But then again once MC shows up we all know how he spends all his time with them. Though he is still lonely when MC would rather be alone / with someone else but this time he is also very jealous and lonely :(

#obeyme #obey me #obey me headcanon #obey me hc #obey me mammon #obey me diavolo #obey me satan #om! satan #om! mammon #om! diavolo #obey me shall we date #obey me swd

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absolutepokemontrash · 3 years

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This took forever…  (Click for Quality!)  SO! I finally got a proper fully colored drawing of my Obey Me MC! Character info + her relationship with the bros under the cut so I don’t clog up the tags!

Character info first!

Himiko is the third oldest in a family of seven sisters and is arguably the most responsible of the bunch. You could say she’s the Lucifer of her family, but if you’d like to continue living I’d recommend against saying that.  

She puts on the facade of a proper and polite lady but deep down she’s hiding a metric tonne of snark and sass, and even deeper she’s hiding a caring older sister type who would take a bullet for you.

You may be asking yourself, why is she wearing a devil horn headband? The answer? Spite. She was wearing it pre Devildom too so it has nothing to do with the boys!  

Her family is *incredibly* wealthy, so while she did learn a lot of things, it’s kind of turned Himiko into a bit of a dumbass when it comes to normal everyday household things. Ask her how to understand the political history of Japan and she’ll give you a five hour lecture on the topic, but ask her to cook dinner and you’ll need to call the fire department.  

Her birthday is December 25 and she’s 20 years old at the start of the game.

Himiko has… problems with emotional intimacy. She’s never really had the opportunity to really bond with anyone outside her sisters, so the idea that she could ever care deeply for someone that ISN’T family is absolutely terrifying to her. (Welp, bad news for her because she’s about to be forcibly adopted into a family of crazies)  

When she first got dropped into the Devildom… Hoo boy… her entire life she had been put on a pedestal and no one other than her sisters had dared to say ANYTHING critical of her in her presence and now she’s figuratively AND literally at the bottom of the food chain… let’s just say reality hit her hard in the face.

Relationships!

Himiko thought Lucifer was the one sane person in the entire House of Lamentation. That opinion did NOT last long. After the first attempted murder and the shit he said at the retreat, Himiko and Lucifer’s opinions of each other were in the gutter. Then the London trip happened! Their opinions of each other rose! Then the first timeline’s Belphie incident happened and oh wow would you look at that, back into the gutter. Damn. FINALLY, after all the time travel shit, they both think of each other as a pain in the neck, but if anything happened to the other there’d be blood spilled. It’s tough when Himiko’s biggest flaw is her own pride and she’s actively needling the Avatar of Pride.

Mammon was Himiko’s worst nightmare made reality. This person, widely regarded as a scumbag moron was supposed to protect her??? Uh uh. No. Mammon thought that Himiko was the human embodiment of annoying. At least till the Goldie hostage situation, Himiko mainly went along with it because she wanted revenge for all the eating-related threats and name-calling. Now, Himi’s way to prideful to ever admit this buuuuuut, she was incredibly lonely during her first week. She needed a friend and she needed one FAST. Before the two needed to binge TSL, Himiko took Mammon shopping under the guise of needing him to carry her shopping bags, and ended up buying him a sick new jacket and sunglasses. You can buy affection right? Apparently. Or was it the compliments she gave him while she was making him try on the jacket? We’ll never know for sure. Listen, just because the two of them want to spend a lot of time together DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON EACH OTHER ALRIGHT?! HAND HOLDING SHOULDN’T MAKE HIMIKO THIS NERVOUS UGH-

W E E B P O W E R U N I T E! Well, not at first. Himiko’s a closet weeb! She probably teased the crap out of Levi about how much he obsessed over his “totally stupid” anime. It was all fun and games until Levi walked in on Himiko watching Sailor Moon. “YOU LIKE ANIME?!” “N-NO!” “YOU’RE AN OTAKU TOO!” “W-WAIT! NO I’M NOT!” “WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ANIME????” “…Madoka Magica.” Now the two are anime and gaming buddies! At first Levi was miffed about Himiko’s rampant hypocrisy buuuuut they both moved past it for the greater anime good.

Satan and Himiko’s joined energy is too much for Lucifer to handle. The two are constantly pestering him to let them get a cat, and they somehow found the time to collaborate on a 50 slide PowerPoint presentation on why Lucifer would suck 55% more if he didn’t let them get a cat. At first, Himiko was low-key intimidated by Satan, and he generally seemed pretty disinterested in most of the shenanigans she got up to until they made a pact. Now they’re pretty good buddies and think quite highly of each other.

Himiko: The circumstances of one’s birth is irrelevant, it’s what you do with your life that matters.

Satan: Thanks Himiko. That’s nice of you to say.

Levi (whispering to Himiko): Are you quoting Mewtwo???

Himiko (whispering): Shut up! It’s making him feel better isn’t it??

If this were a musical, Asmo definitely would sing a rendition of Popular with Himiko. Before the pact was made, Himiko *really* wanted to be Asmo’s friend but would never admit it, his sass was impeccable! Asmo thought Himiko was cute yeah, but nothing special. After the pact, total besties. It takes a true friend or a certified insane person to tell the Avatar of Lust that the shade of blue he’s going to go clubbing in isn’t doing him any favours and he should change into different shoes. The Himi/Asmo duo is to be feared by all who come across them.

For the love of all things good in the world DO NOT LET BEEL AND HIMIKO NEAR YOUR FRIDGE! At the start, Himiko found Beel’s near constant eating annoying as HELL. Like, he’s the avatar of gluttony but all that *gross* junk food must be wreaking havoc on- Holy shit junk food is amazing. After the hiding Luke incident where Himiko’s big sister instincts ™ kicked in and she got between Beel and Lucifer, Himiko had to come to terms with the fact that she may *actually* care about some of the people she had met. After all the other shenanigans, Beel is basically her thousands of years older little brother.

Belphie… hoo boy… strike one: He took advantage of Himiko’s rarely seen sweet side. Strike 2: he fuckin killed her dude! Belphie is yet to hit strike 3. I like to think there’d be a mini lesson between 16 and 17 where the two hash out their issues. After that, their relationship is probably the closest to an actual sibling relationship. They annoy and tease the everloving shit out of each other but if anyone messes with one of them the unfortunate soul will have to deal with the other AND Beel.

I might do the undatables if anyone actually cares and I’m not just talking to a brick wall lol. Thanks for making it this far and reading all my OC brainrot!

#Obey Me #Obey Me!#Obey Me! MC #Obey Me MC #Obey Me Lucifer #Obey Me! Lucifer #Obey me mammon #Obey Me! Mammon #Obey Me Leviathan #Obey Me! Leviathan #Obey Me Satan #Obey Me! Satan #obey me! asmodeus #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me! beelzebub #obey me! belphegor #obey me belphegor

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mammonology · 4 years

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And they were best friends ⟨Leviathan, Satan and Asmodeus⟩

♡ Leviathan, Satan and Asmodeus's reaction to having Solomon as their crush's child-hood best friend (Bonus; Solomon!)

♡WC; 731

[!] Lumi's notes; No major notes today, hope you have a great day/night, luv u <3 (head empty, full of Solomon's friendship)

— [♡] ;Leviathan

✎This man's jealous fr, jealous is an understatement as he doesn't like how you spend so much time with the shady bitch

✎Yeah sure you guys are child-hood friends but you have Levi too!

✎I feel like he would treat everything as a competition,

✎He feels left out when you and Solomon start reminiscing about the past, he gets all sulky and pouty :(

✎Please reassure him that y'all are just besties or else he'll have the wrong idea and might push you away from him ;;

✎Gets all moody when you mention Solomon's name

❝Oh Levi! Solomon's just a friend, but you? You're my favourite demon, don't tell Mammon though❞

— [♡] ;Satan

✎Vibes with it, he's friends with Solomon so why not tag along with you two?

✎After a whole cuddle session, Levi hears a lot of embarrassing things that Solomon's done as a kid, Levi might just blackmail the sorcerer one day >:)

✎His favourite activities are targeting Lucifer as a prank victim, poor Lucifer is growing gray hair at such a young age 😢😢

✎Satan is living for it, you three become the three Musketeers type of thing and Lucifer HATES it, but what was he gonna do? Ban you? 🤡🤡

✎Satan likes his time with you, alone though. He's okay with Solomon tagging sometimes but if you keep bringing Solomon up he might get a lil upset as this is his special time with you!

✎He thinks your childhood memories are pretty interesting as he learns more about how humans lived as a kid

❝So you go around the play-ground, looking for random 'ingredients' to put in your 'potion'? ❞

✎He wants to see you as a kid, he thinks you'd look absolutely adorable! 🥺

✎He also likes seeing your face light up when you remember something from your childhood, you talk with Solomon animated like

✎You three get closer over time, and maybe even you and Satan would grow CLOSER if ya know what I mean ;)

— [♡] ;Asmodeus

✎Is quite the opposite, Solomon doesn't like it as he sees Asmo as a potential threat, no no no

✎Solomon would never leave you alone in a room with Asmo

✎Even if Solomon uses his pact to make Asmo go away that demon just won't, so with certain conditions Solomon let him hang out with you

✎And what's not good is that you live in the same house as him, but what can Solomon do? Cram you in the purgatory hall?

✎Not a bad idea but Lucifer would probably intervene

✎Solomon gets roped in your little sleepovers with Asmo, masks and painting his nails are you favourite activities whenever he joins, Solomon can act that he doesn't enjoy it but he does 😌

✎Gossiping is a big thing in these sleepovers too, truth or dare is also an activity you three do

❝Truth or Dare Solomon?❞

❝Truth❞

❝Who was your first kiss?❞

❝Okay! I think that's enough for today!!❞

✎You'd have to interrupt as YOU were his first kiss, on accident too ✨

— [♡] ;Solomon

✎He was pretty shook when he saw you at R.A.D, at first he thought he was going insane but no, it was you

✎He wasn't gonna lie though, you grew up fine ;)

✎He becomes very protective, did I mention he was gonna be protective? I mean you're a human, in a world full of demons, at least Solomon knows magic but you? You literally almost burnt down your house because you left the spoon while heating something in the microwave

✎He feels like he should be be responsible for you and look after you

✎Look out Simeon, Solomon is out for your guardian angel role 🤧

✎You two spend so much time together catching up with life and telling stories to each other and basically just talking about the past

✎The demon bros are low-key jealous as Solomon has so many memories of you, and saw side they probably haven't seen

❝Remember when you tried to climb a tree to save a cat but ended up falling anyway? Yeah, that was funny asf❞

✎Will NOT stop from spilling out the most embarrassing stories he's got from childhood, but he should be scared too as you got blackmail on him 😌

✎You two are probably known as the duo terror as you created chaos wherever you went but 😌 oh well ✨

✧Lumi

#obey me #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me x reader #obey me satan #obey me headcanons #obey me leviathan #obey me solomon #obey me asmodeus #obey me scenarios #obey me imagine

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mammon-sama · 4 years

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To Be Human (Fanfiction) Part 4/?

I know I said that every chapter would begin with a Celestial Realm Michael scene, but as I was writing this fast (totally forgot to update my fics), I couldn't think of a good scene to write, so, unfortunately, I shall skip this chapter's initial Celestial Realm scene; I apologize! As per the usual, this chapter is available on AO3 here!

Title:

To Be Human

Summary:

When a mysterious force attacks the Devildom and destroys it, the brothers are forced to turn to their Father in the Celestial Realm for answers and assistance. However, the Almighty is still miffed at the seven due to their involvement in the Great Celestial War, and sends them to seek asylum in the one place they have yet to make their mark—the Human World.

Without the help of their beloved MC, the brothers must learn to assimilate into this strange new world, all while trying to figure out who is responsible for the destruction of the Devildom and take back their home.

Rating:

Word Count:

3446

Previous Chapter:

Read Chapter 3 here!

Satan raised his eyebrow at the establishment before them. “Wal-Mart,” he read aloud.

“You think it’s like the old War-Mart retail chain back in the Devildom?” Belphie wondered.

Satan stroked his chin. If this store was anything like the store at home, it would be an adequate location in which to shop for groceries, especially on a budget as they were forced to do now. As the seven brothers had originally been dubbed the “Seven Rulers of Hell” and were very wealthy, they never had a need to frequent War-Mart, but Satan had heard of the store from one of his less-fortunate friends.

He nodded. “I believe so.” It wasn’t as if they had any other choice; Belphie and he had wandered the streets within a mile-radius from their new home, and this was the only store that they had seen. “Let’s go in.”

Belphegor followed his brother, grumbling under his breath, “It’s just like Lucifer to put us two on shopping duty.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’d rather be out here shopping than cooped inside that hovel with the others.”

“I guess.” Belphie shrugged. “You have the grocery list, right?” He pat his pockets. “I have the debit card from Simeon.”

Satan bobbed his head. “Yes.” He unfurled the paper in his hand and read aloud the angel’s loopy handwriting, “Here are some economical foods from the Human World I’d thought you’d like!” Underneath were written about forty different items, twenty-five of which Lucifer had taken the liberty of circling in red, for they were foods that were also found in the Devildom.

As the pair walked into Wal-Mart, Satan did a double-take. Humans flooded every corner of the store, pushing around metal carts piled high with not just foodstuffs, but other household items, as well. He raised an eyebrow as several people stopped to stare at the two demons who stood in the entryway.

Belphegor leaned closer to him and whispered out of the corner of his mouth, “Satan … why are they staring at us?”

He remembered their new human names and hissed, “Call me,” he gagged, “Nathan. And I don’t know … ‘Eigh.’”

“Don’t call me ‘Eigh,’” Belphie snapped back. He turned to the left to scan the various products that sat at the entryway to immediately grab customers’ attention. His eyes lingered on a box of toilet paper, reading the brand name. “Call me ‘Scott.’”

Satan wrinkled his nose at the name, intent on chastising his brother for such an idiotic choice, but before he could say a word, the brothers’ attention was diverted by the sound of a camera flash. Their heads whipped in the direction of the noise, and they stared accusingly at the culprit, who gave herself away with her raised phone.

“Damn it,” the woman cursed, pocketing her phone and hurrying away. “Forgot to turn off the ringer.”

With this, a crowd began to form in front of the demons—a crowd who whispered furiously amongst themselves loudly, saying “They’re so hot—they must be celebrities!” and “I swear that I’ve seen them on TikTok before!” and “I wanna take a picture with them and post it on Instagram!” Someone even ventured to mutter, “Wonder if they’d be interested in a threesome …”

“Belphegor,” Satan muttered under his breath, momentarily forgetting his brother’s human pseudonym, “we can’t shop here.”

“What choice do we have?” Belphie replied, backing away as the crowd drew closer and closer. “There are no other stores around.”

Satan pursed his lips as more people began to whip out their phones and snap pictures of the handsome duo. Getting photographed was not in their definition of “lying low,” and although he knew that this debacle would piss his eldest brother off to no end, the idea of self-preservation quelled even his most devious side. “We have to put a stop to this.”

“You don’t think we should use our powers, do you?” Belphegor asked.

“And cause this to be an even bigger scene than it already is?” demanded Satan. He raised an eyebrow. “No. I have an idea. Just play along.” He gagged inwardly at the thought that had taken formation in his mind, but he knew it had to be done if he and Belphie were to shop in peace. Satan puckered his lips, closed his eyes, and leaned toward the seventhborn demon.

“Sat—Nathan, what’re you—” was all Belphie could ask before his lips met his brother’s.

Satan could feel his mouth fill with bile (He! Was! Kissing! His! Brother! How! Disgusting!), but he swallowed it down as he saw from the corner of his eye that the crowd began to yell shouts of aversion and start to disperse. Some of the teenage girls stayed to ogle at the “scandalous” PDA and video-record the scene before they were yanked away by what he could only assume were their small-minded parents.

As soon as he saw that the group had gone, he ripped his lips off of Belphie, scrubbing them voraciously with his forearm, while Belphegor dry heaved several times and covered his mouth.

“That was disgusting,” Belphie decided. He scowled at his brother. “Never do that again.”

Satan reassured, “I don’t plan to. And besides, at least we got everyone to leave.” He revealed the crumpled grocery list in his hand. “Now we can shop peacefully.”

Belphegor continued to mutter obscenities under his breath as he followed Satan to get a cart.

The fourthborn scanned the grocery list as he pushed the cart down the aisle. They had five hundred American dollars to spend on food and they had to buy enough to satiate all seven brothers, including the gluttonous Beel; they had to be economical. The first item on the list that Simeon had given them was “apples,” so Satan reached for a bag of the cheapest kind and placed it into the cart.

“Lucifer likes apples, doesn’t he?” mused Belphie.

Satan nodded. “His favorite food are Princess’ Poison Apples.”

Belphie smiled strangely and lifted the bag of apples out and threw them back on the shelf. “I’m going to guess he wouldn’t be too happy if we came home without his favorite food.”

Satan raised an eyebrow. “In case you forgot, I like apples, too; apple pie is my favorite, but … I suppose I’ll make a sacrifice this once.” He rubbed his chin pensively. “And that gives me an idea.” He showed the list to Belphie and nodded, smirking. “Let’s use this opportunity to torture Lucifer and skip everything on this list that we think he’d like.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Meanwhile, Lucifer scanned the list of prospective jobs that Simeon had given him.

The angel had warned them that since none of the demons had college degrees, it might be harder for them to get any “serious” jobs—therefore, most of the jobs on the list simply called for “unskilled labor.” Perusing the list caused Lucifer to wonder what humans considered “unskilled” for all of the possible jobs on the sheet still seemed to require prodigious talent and dedication.

He had already marked that he would work at the local War-Mart—although in the Human World it was called “Wal-Mart—” and he figured that Satan would like to work at the Cedar Bridge Public Library. Levi, who had whined himself to sleep when he found out that there were no Ruri-chan merchandise stores nearby, had already called working at GameStop, hoping that his salary would allow him to finally buy a gaming computer to use instead of the ancient laptop that had come along with the house. Lucifer had no idea what kind of job would be fit for Belphegor, so he decided to hold off on choosing something for him until he returned from shopping with Satan.

That left Mammon, Asmo, and Beel’s prospective careers to look into.

… And therein lie the headache.

“Beel, you can’t work at any kind of establishment that serves food,” repeated Lucifer, holding the bridge of his nose. “Maybe in the Devildom it was okay for you to constantly munch on the food being served—no one would reprimand you because you were one of the Seven Rulers of Hell, but you can’t do that here.” He stared at the sixthborn demon firmly. “I will not have you work anywhere near food since I can’t trust you not to give in to temptation.”

“Yeah,” Mammon agreed, shrugging. “If ya eat any of the food, they’ll prob’ly make you pay for it, and y’know we’re broke as fuck up here.”

Beelzebub twiddled his fingers, looking down. “Fine, I won’t take the McDonald’s job, then.” He peered over Lucifer’s shoulder at the sheet. “Or the Wendy’s job. Or the Chick-fil-a one. Or the one at Burger King.”

“Wow, it seems that Simeon marked a lot of these jobs as ‘foodservice,’” Asmo observed. He smiled. “Good thing my job has nothing to do with it!” He poked his chin cutely. “Although I suppose they serve food sometimes in strip clubs.”

Another headache.

“Asmodeus,” Lucifer bellowed, staring at the fifthborn. “I already told you: you are not going to become a stripper. That’s final.”

Asmo frowned and held up a fist. “What is your problem, Lucifer? I’ve done it before in the Devildom tons of times.”

The other demons raised an eyebrow at “tons of times,” and Lucifer rolled his eyes. “You can strip as much as you want in the Devildom; it’s not frowned upon there, but Simeon expressly told me that it is here. We are not going to be known as the family where one of the members is a stripper. Think of all the negative attention it’ll draw.”

“That’s bullshit!” Asmo growled. A black miasma began to surround the fifthborn. Horns started to sprout out of his head and wings burst forth out of his back. But before his demon transformation was complete, Mammon put his hands on his shoulders and gave him a good shake.

“Calm down, ya idiot! You can’t transform here of all places. People’ll see us through the windows!” Mammon gestured toward Beel, who rushed to cover the closest window with his large form, for the brothers had yet to purchase any curtains. He wrestled off Asmo’s arms as the younger demon tried to shove him off and said, “Come on. I’m plannin’ on going into modeling down here like I did in the Devildom. You like that kinda thing don’t ya? We can both do it, y’know.”

Asmo glared at Mammon, finally succeeding in ripping his hands off of his shoulders. He wheeled toward Lucifer. “And that’s another thing! How come you’re okay with Mammon going into something as prestigious as modeling, which will no doubt draw attention, but you’re worried about the attention I’ll bring if I become a stripper?”

Lucifer massaged his temple. This actually was the first he was hearing of Mammon’s interest in Human World modeling, but he supposed that it was an appropriate career path for him, for looking pretty was one of the secondborn’s least annoying skills.

“The difference is,” Lucifer began, “that here, modeling convoys positive attention while stripping brings the opposite, for humans are small-minded, as you are aware. While I’d rather draw as little attention as possible, I can see where that could be seen as suspicious, so positive attention is all I’ll condone.” He turned toward Mammon and nodded. “But yes, both of you feel free to take up a modeling job.”

“On Simeon’s list here, it says that there’s only one position that they're looking to fill in the modeling agency he recommended,” Beelzebub observed, reading off the prospective jobs.

Mammon and Asmo exchanged glances, before simultaneously shouting, “I’ll take it!”

“People will actually want to see my beautiful face instead of your ugly mug!” Asmodeus yelled.

“Oh, yeah? Well, I ain’t got no other talents ‘sides modeling, so I actually need this job!” Mammon yelled back.

His fervor never waning, Asmo spat, “You have other talents!”

“No, I don’t!”

“You’re a very talented individual, Mammon!”

“Yeah, well, so are you!”

“You should take the modeling job!”

“Nah, you do it!”

Lucifer sighed at the pair, whose voices rose with every sentence. He held the bridge of his nose, as he said, “You both can call the number for the modeling agency and see which one of you two they like better. We’ll find another job for whoever doesn’t end up getting it.”

He was also going to have to call to see if he could get jobs for his other brothers and himself, and Simeon had graciously provided numbers for them to call. However … there was still the matter of figuring out if the Celestial Realm had tapped their phones and were also looking through their Internet searches. To mitigate any trouble, Lucifer had forbidden anyone from using the phone or laptop until they could get solid information regarding the issue, unless it was for something important, like getting a job.

Speaking of jobs, he realized that now with Mammon and Asmo battling on who would be the model of the family, that left Beel (and Belphie) in dire need of work.

He turned toward the sixthborn. “Any idea of a non-food-related job, Beel?”

“I don’t think so …” Beel muttered, still perusing through Simeon’s list of jobs. He raised an eyebrow a moment later. “Wait … it says here that there are some people close by looking for tutors in basic math for their kids. You think I should do that?”

Lucifer nodded. “Good idea. Give them a call later, actually—I’m sure Belphie won’t mind doing that job, too, provided he’s doing it with you—see if they’d be willing to hire two tutors.”

Beel nodded obediently. “So, I guess that’s it. Everyone has a job, now.”

“Yeah. Problem is,” realized Mammon, “that all of you guys who work close by have it easy. Then there’s some of us who’ve gotta find a way to hitch a ride to our jobs.”

Asmo pursed his lips. “He’s right. We don’t have a car, not to mention licenses to drive.”

Lucifer sunk into one of the understuffed dining room chairs, running a hand through his hair. “One problem at a time, Asmo. One problem at a time.”

“I just wanna say,” Mammon announced, twirling a limp spaghetti noodle on his fork, “I think I understand why Solomon’s food tastes like crap.” He dropped his utensil back onto his chipped plate. “‘Cause all Human World food tastes like crap!”

Leviathan, who had just been relieved from his Ruri-chan-filled dreams a few moments ago, blinked sleepily and said, “MC was from the Human World and made good food.”

“Maybe stop criticizing my cooking and just eat your dinner,” Lucifer snapped.

He blithely spun his noodles across the plate, secretly admitting that the Human World fare of spaghetti and tomato sauce that he had prepared for dinner paled in comparison to their usual supper courses of Scorpion Thermidor and Havoc Devil Crown Roast. In his defense, he had never prepared meals with food from this world and had just used the recipe on the back of the box of bargain-bin spaghetti that Satan and Belphie had brought home.

Beelzebub grinned, eating his pasta straight from the massive stockpot that the Junior Guardian Angels had magnanimously purchased for them. The other brothers had already taken their servings and the remaining thirty-two were left for Beel. “I think you made a really tasty meal considering you just used two ingredients.”

“There’s no seasoning,” complained Asmo. “And it's not even pretty enough to post online.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow in irritation. “You can always go to bed without dinner.”

“And you’d miss dessert!” Beel gasped. “Although … there’d be more for me, then.”

“Speakin’ of dessert,” Mammon said, “what’re we havin’?”

Lucifer grimaced. He had been intent on trying to make an apple pie, but since some demons had thought it funny to not bring home any apples, he’d been forced to be a little more … creative, thinking carefully of foods that the two mischief-makers despised to incorporate into the dessert.

“We don’t have a large variety of ingredients to work with, so I modified a simple Devildom recipe for venom-infused vanilla mousse and made White Chocolate Mousse with white chocolate, heavy cream, and sugar.” He looked directly at Satan and Belphie as he said this, for it was no secret that the pair didn’t take a liking to oversweet desserts.

Belphegor blanched at the statement, and Satan frowned, snapping, “That sounds completely unpalatable.”

All Lucifer could do was smirk as he went back to the miniature kitchen to get the mousse from the fridge. He passed out the dessert, and turned to Mammon, saying, “Hearing you speak of Solomon earlier got me thinking on whether or not we should contact him. I know I said not to bother MC while we’re in the Human World for their own protection, but Solomon’s a sorcerer, so perhaps he could be of service.”

“Yeah, he might even be able to help us figure out how information was stolen from Father’s omniscience,” added Leviathan, gagging as the mousse slid down his throat because frankly, Lucifer was not an exceptional chef.

Lucifer, who noticed this, mentally vowed to put Levi on cooking duty next for his insolence. “Asmo, you were the one closest to Solomon. Have you any means to contact him?”

“Ever since the exchange program ended, we kind of fell out of touch,” the fifthborn admitted sadly, shaking his head. He tapped his chin. “I think I remember his number, though.”

Lucifer grimaced. He really didn’t want to use the phone unless it was absolutely necessary, but Solomon seemed to be their best bet in unraveling this mystery regarding their Father. “Call him then. Put him on speaker.”

Picking up his cup of mousse, Asmo meandered over to the landline. He picked up the phone and clicked the speaker button, which was covered in a layer of dust, for he was the first of the brothers to use the phone in the Human World. To their surprise, there was no dial tone and an automated female voice spoke out from the device.

“Welcome to the Celestial Realm Cellular Service and Internet Provider, ” the voice said. “This machine is preloaded with three contact numbers by Simeon the Gatekeeper for your convenience. If you would like to hear them, press one. If you would like to dial a different number, press two. If you would like to speak to His Majesty, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Great I Am, the Good Shepherd—”

“Sorry, I just pressed one,” Asmo said, rolling his eyes. “She didn’t sound like she was going to stop listing titles any time soon.”

“The three contacts saved to your device are as follows: press one if you would like to call Simeon the Gatekeeper, press two if you would like to call Luke the Junior Guardian Angel, press three if you would like to call his Imperial Majesty, King Solomon of Israel.”

Lucifer did a double-take. It couldn’t be … could it? Could that Solomon that visited the Devildom be the one and the same King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, from the Bible? He shook his head to clear it of such foolish thoughts … it had been millennia since King Solomon had ruled over ancient Israel, and the exchange student Solomon was a youthful young man.

“Wait a second—that can’t be our Solomon, can it?” asked Mammon, echoing Lucifer’s thoughts. “I haven’t read the Bible in like, three thousand years, but I’m pretty damn sure that King Solomon died a long time ago.”

The group was silent for a moment before Satan snapped his fingers, his eyes widening. “The pacts.”

“What about them?” asked Belphegor.

Satan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “We know the exchange student Solomon made hundreds and hundreds of pacts with demons. Isn’t it possible that that was the same Solomon from the Bible, only he’s retained his youthful looks and even gained immortality, perhaps, with the aid of demons?”

“Only one way to find out, I suppose.” Asmodeus shrugged. He pressed the number three on the keypad.

“Calling his Imperial Majesty, King Solomon of Israel,” the automated voice chirped.

Lucifer’s blood ran cold as the phone rang for a mere two seconds before a voice flooded the room.

“May I ask who this is?” Solomon’s voice was overlaid with static, but the brothers could still very much recognize the low baritone of the former exchange student.

“So Solomon really is King Solomon from the Bible,” Levi gasped. “Roll infinity for ‘Did Not See That Coming.’”

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