“I don’t mean to get heavy on you, but, that song might have brought up some things… maybe I just need to say it as a heads-up.
I mean… hell, you probably know I’m still crazy about you, and, I really do know my place and accept the answer you gave me.
I want you to find all the amazing things, especially an amazing someone, when you’re ready… I’m managing my feelings, but, if I ever start acting weird when you bring it up, please forgive me… I’m still trying to readjust, it’s gonna take some time…
I don’t want you to feel you ever have to not tell me anything— honestly, you closing off that side to me would hurt worse than most things. But, I know how I can get sometimes when I feel… well, what I’m still feeling.
I don’t mean to cause you any guilt or hurt or awkwardness by bringing this up, but I guess I just know how I can mess up, and our friendship is very important to me— I don’t want to fuck it up by being, well, me 😅
So, yeah.
Sleep well when you get there.
And know that I’m still, and always, proud as hell to be your friend.”
— the message I didn’t send her tonight…
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i feel like you are one of the only people ive seen that doesnt immediately believe gon fell in love with killua in the hunter exam arc. i feel like it's dismissive of his character, it bothers me. what are your thoughts?
Hi! Sorry for taking so long answering! I wanted to write a good answer to this because I do actually have a lot of thoughts about it, so thank you for the ask! This ended up really long and as more of an analysis on their relationship in general… I want to preface this by saying that everything in this post is simply my interpretation of the characters, and that it’s only one interpretation of many. Just because how someone else interprets their relationship is different from mine doesn’t mean I think they’re wrong, it just means we see them differently! If you read this post, I hope you are able to see my point of view!
Although Killugon is one of my favourite ships ever, introducing romantic feelings so early into their dynamic makes their relationship feel less meaningful to me. I think that their friendship is more narratively important than their romance — and I think that both of them would be okay with the other not returning their feelings because being together is more important to them than being together romantically.
One of the things that makes their relationship so special is their friendship!! Their friendship is the foundation of their relationship, and the romance exists on top of it, not before it. Although I don’t think that romantic feelings would necessarily change their motivations and actions, I do think that it would alter how the audience would perceive them! And when we look at their actions through a romantic lens, it changes how we view their motivations.
For example, to me, the reason Killua approached Gon at the beginning of the Hunter Exam and wanted to become friends with him isn’t because he had a crush on him at first sight, but because he wants to have a friend his age and to feel like a kid. Even if it’s that he developed a crush on him later in the exam, I think that the idea of him already having been attracted to Gon or even in love with him during the Hunter Exam takes away from the importance of friendship to Killua, since the climax of Killua’s character in this arc is when he declares that he just wants to be friends with Gon when he feels like he can’t even have that.
I don’t think Killua really thought that anyone would be willing to confront his family for him because that’s literally an insane thing to do?? But Gon did it!! And I think that Gon being that insane and willing to risk his life for Killua is what really dragged him out of the darkness and gave him the devotion to be insane right back at him.
On the other hand, with Gon, I feel like, when viewed through a romantic lens, his motivation during the Zoldyck Family Arc typically becomes that he’s going after Killua because he’s already developed feelings for him in the Hunter Exam Arc, which as you may have guessed, I don’t agree with. To me, that was something he’d have done for any of his friends — if Kurapika or Leorio suddenly started acting strangely and had run off when it seemed clear to Gon that they didn’t want to leave, I think he’d have chased after them, too.
We know that Gon is the type of person who would even risk his life to try to save someone he barely knows (if he likes them), like on the boat on the way to the Hunter Exam! And if I’m being completely honest, I don’t think Killua was even a particularly special friend to Gon until partway through Heaven’s Arena… If Killua hadn’t followed him and they didn’t speak ever again, Killua would’ve just been someone cool that he’d met and that he would no longer think about, and I definitely don’t think he had any romantic feelings for him by then.
That’s not to say that Killua wasn’t someone he considered a friend, just that I think that, at the time, to Gon, it was like when you make a friend at summer camp and then you lose contact as soon as you part ways. And while to Killua, Gon’s actions during Zoldyck Family Arc gave him this unpayable debt and made Killua extremely devoted to Gon, I don’t think it meant that much to Gon because again, I think this is something that he’d have done for any of his friends. However, by the end of Heaven’s Arena, I do think Killua has become someone who is special to Gon — on Whale Island, Gon tells Killua that he’s his first friend his age, and more than that, he’s someone that he wants to stay with.
In that same scene, they tell each other that they’re their first friend (their age). To me, this is something that informs so much of their dynamic — they don’t know what being friends with someone “normally” looks like, which is part of why they’re so insane!! And because of this, it’s important to me that there is at least a small period of time before this where that’s all they were — friends, no romantic feelings involved.
Their insanity extends to romance, but is not because of it — their friendship is the most important part of their relationship. This is why even during the needle scene, where I feel like I can say that I definitely think that Killua has feelings for Gon at this point (his reactions during the “it has to be Killua scene,” the “Gon, you are light scene,” etc.), the emphasis is on how Gon is precious to him because he’s his friend, even though he is probably in love with him.
That friendship foundation is so important to how I see Gon and Killua and honestly, beyond the whole “viewing their actions through a romantic lens changes how we perceive them” thing, I just… don’t see either of them as being in love by the end of the Hunter Exam! These reasons are why it’s important to how I interpret their characters for there to be a period of time where their feelings are purely platonic.
Also, as an add-on, personally, I think that there’s a chance that Gon doesn’t return Killua’s feelings in canon even at their separation since nothing that he’s done, said, or thought has felt as explicitly romantic in nature as Killua. BUT I really like the idea of Gon pining for Killua on Whale Island during their separation, haha. The earliest I can conceive of when Gon starts developing feelings for Killua is Greed Island and a lot of it has to do with the shift in their dynamic — it’s when Gon starts really saying things to demonstrate his appreciation of Killua!!
HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean I perceive his actions as romantic in nature from his perspective. For example, while “it has to be Killua” is a romantic line, I don’t think Gon said it with romantic intent (nor that he’d be aware of them yet if he did have them)! I think that that was more for Killua, as well as planting the seeds in the reader’s mind for their romance, rather than a confession from Gon. Plus, imagine if he’d confessed his feelings for Killua to TSEZGUERRA instead of Killua when Killua is RIGHT THERE…
The other reason why Greed Island is the time where I think Gon is most likely to have developed feelings for Killua is because I really don’t think he was focusing on Killua in the same way in Chimera Ant Arc and it’d be a strange point in their relationship for romantic feelings to develop to me… I can’t imagine any of the moments in Chimera Ant Arc as being one where Gon would have developed feelings for Killua, or where he would have realized them. I like the idea that his realization happens sometime either during or after the separation the most!
On the other hand, I think that Killua probably had feelings for Gon by the start of Greed Island and realized them either during the dodgeball match or the “Gon, you are light” scene because they had the most romantic undertones to me from Killua’s side :) and I think that Killua could have developed them at any point after the Zoldyck Family Arc.
I think that the way that their relationship develops is so beautiful and subtle that the romance ultimately feels very ambiguous. I don’t think that there is one specific point where we can say that either of them developed or realized any romantic feelings for each other definitively, and I don’t think there are any ideas that are necessarily wrong about when either happened, just ones that don’t align with each other! There are only different interpretations and ones that don’t align with each other and this post is only representative of my personal interpretation :) I hope this answered your question, Anon! And thank you to anyone who was willing to read the entirety of this post. It ended up much, much longer (and perhaps, much, much, more off-topic from the original question) than I expected, haha!
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MULTIMUSE QUESTIONAIRE
Tagging: @infernalight, @infernal-feminae, @heartsofhell, @questionablemuses, @because-i-simp, @frostworkxfiction, @deepspacevivarium, @hotelbitches, @voxiiferous
RULES: Answer the questions with the Muses that would best fit the answers. Bonus if you give details why. If tagged, copy and paste into a new post – DO NOT REBLOG!
1) Rank your softest Muse and your toughest Muse. (Personality-wise)
My softest muse is definitely Vick. He's a 0 on the toughness scale, he's a big teddy bear and he will choose kindness over anything else at any point.
My toughest muse is probably Barbie. Girl is tough as nails and will not be stopped if she puts her mind to something. She doesn't take pain as a reason to stop and will go harder when it hurts.
2) Which Muse would blow through $1000 quickly?
Valentino, hands down. He spends $1,000 every day easily on things he doesn't even need. He loves to buy expensive things and will do so at all hours. He especially loves spending Vox's money. $1,000 is a drop in the bucket for him and he doesn't even notice spending it.
3) Do any of them have nicknames? Is there a meaning behind them?
Quite a few of them do!
Valentino answers to Bunny from his lovers, it's a subspace trigger word for him. I assigned him Bunny because he's Cute And Horny, aka a rabbit, and a bunny sub is fairly common.
4) Are any of them up-to-speed on the latest trends? Anyone more old school?
Velvette, Vox, and Valentino are obsessed with always being on top of the next new thing.
Alastor hates new things and will fight them as much as he can.
5) Who has the best relationship with their siblings?
Valentino had a fairly good relationship with his siblings when he was alive. He had seven of them, plus three live-in cousins that were like his siblings.
6) Karaoke night! Who is likely to grab the mic first and bust out a tune?
Beelzebub, Ozzie, Valentino, and Ostello! They all love to sing and party, and they're all pretty good at it. Ostello was a pop-jazz singer when he was alive and before he died in Hell, too!
7) Who is least likely to enter a beauty pageant/model?
Gretchen. She doesn't think that she's very pretty, and would just feel embarrassed even going to watch.
Travis. He is constantly told he's very ugly, and he doesn't have a very high opinion of his looks.
8) If your Muses visited a haunted house where actors scare you, who would panic and who would be unfazed?
Chazz, Gretchen, Charlie, Anya, Magpie, Summer, Travis, and Vick would be the easiest to scare!
Valore, Dimas, Cash, Glitz, Stu, Paimon, Alastor, Darío, Niffty, and Vox would be the hardest to phase.
9) Are any of your Muses particular about taking certain modes of transportation?
Vox prefers to be driven around and doesn't like driving himself.
Valentino only likes to drive occasionally and prefers pretty sports cars when he does.
Anya and Darío are motorcycle people.
Emily enjoys bicycles!
10) Share a little-known fact about any Muse.
Adam is actually a very good father and he loves kids and babies. He is very tender with children even if he can be harder on them once they have grown into adults.
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