you are too full of life and love to be half loved by someone. you deserve a love that feels satiating for your spirit. you deserve a love that makes you feel seen. you deserve a love that makes you feel heard. you deserve a love that listens and a love that is patient. you deserve a love that is kind and a love that feels warm. you deserve a love that makes your heart explode and a love that sends shivers down your spine. you deserve a love that takes the time to study you, that takes the time to understand your mind. you deserve a love that is patient and compassionate. you deserve a love that grows old. you deserve a love that doesn’t judge but instead accepts you wholeheartedly; flaws and all. you deserve a love that sends tingles through your whole body and leaves butterflies swarming in your stomach. you deserve a love that gives you 80 on the days that you can only give 20. you deserve a love that sends you into overdrive at the slightest thought of their touch. you deserve a love that lasts. you see how you simply read this, you deserve a love that is simple and extraordinary all in one. you deserve to be felt, you deserve to be loved. you deserve love.
a spoken word piece of mine, "its been over a year and im starting to feel alive again," about grief, growth, and finding bits of yourself that youd thought youd lost.
BRAND NEW!
As part of The Poetry Project, I am excited to announce a collaboration with the fantastically talented Aline Xavier! She has performed two pieces from the project and has brought the words to life! Check out her performance of 'I see us dancing' here and her second performance 'I will not run from you' is out on 4th Feb!
Thank you for the support Aline, you are a superstar!
Check out Aline:
Instagram : aline.axo
YouTube : aline.xavier
It's funny how my father, sitting beside his second wife
Will tell me that liking girls is wrong
And it's funny
It's funny how my stepmom, after hearing that Spongebob came out as gay for Pride Month will say that all children's media should be asexual
But I don't hear her say that when we watch a Disney movie
And it's funny
It's funny how my stepmother will say that as Christians we are called to love gay people… but we can't accept them?
As if those two things can co-exist?
And it's funny
It's funny how when my stepbrother tells the family he has a girlfriend we're ecstatic for him, and I have to bite my tongue and hold back the tears knowing that if I were to share that same news, I would be met with screaming and hate and anger from the people who are supposed to love me the most.
loving you isn't a one way street
with an even sidewalk, streetlights shining
feels-like-we-should-be-flying.
there's no clear feelings or singing out
no-reserves-living-here-and-now or
shout-it-from-the-rooftops-loud
do you get it how
i'm trying to love you like i used to?
going all out and
manufacturing feelings that haven't existed
for a while but my brain is too insistent
on remembering the past
to believe that there is more than one kind of loving.
cus the truth is
loving you is the overgrown road that leads into the forest
with no streetlights shining i walk by bonfires
treading carefully on the ashes
(remembering what it's like to be burned).
feet barefoot, feeling every stone
tripping on vines and roots i thought i'd learned
to avoid but the fact is that that's all void
because the future doesn't repeat itself.
and even though it's hard to forge a new path
doesn't mean its not worth fighting for.
and that loving you
is not remembering a part of me that used to exist
but discovering new parts of me
because learning to live and learning to love
are two separate things that can't be learned together.
and learning to live took time enough
i can't imagine how long it'll take me to love.
to love-
to feel deep affection for someone,
according to the dictionary,
but i guess i've always been more a visionary you see,
i see us sitting on the pool deck trading bad pickup lines
and blushing smiles
and giddy feelings like soda bubbling away in my stomach.
and i guess i see us trading books in the store
trying to find one the other'd like to explore.
i see sitting in your room with a guitar between us humming notes neither one of us really knows
(you're the melodies that keep me sane at night)
like rapunzel sing and i'll know youre alright
but i'm the one in the tower
where memories and insecurities tower over me
until i can't breathe and when you're with me im falling.
cuz sometimes,
loving you is wishing i could love you more.
loving you is wishing the giddy bubbly feeling
didn't fade so quickly and leave me with nothing.
it's wishing that my mind wouldn't be an iron cage to my heart
where i can't find the key
to try to keep me from being hurt again and
the key is waiting at edge of the forest that i'm fighting
tooth and nail to breach.
(and that's called healing)
loving you is trying.
loving you is making the choice day and night
to keep up the fight.
loving you is the edge of the forest,
when we make it to the other side.