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lost-ash-es · 7 months

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Bad Habits, Magic, and Falling in Love

I'm smoking hot ice

I'm paying the price

I'll try it just once

I'll try it just twice

it called out my bluff

I swear it's my vice

I'm drinking love potion

and starting to get critical

they mixed it with the ocean

pretending it was mystical

it feels like lavender sunshine

and forgetting all my fears

until the passage takes our time

and our magic disappears

let's talk like we're not making any sense

making up words like we're about to fall asleep

telling stories through the white picket fence

we'll boil water, throw them in, and let it seep

pour them into my brain and blood after i fall asleep

I'lll do the same for you, drill my thoughts in your brain to keep

i know it's fake and it won't last

and soon we'll fade into the past

but for now, let's swim in this sea of forever peace

for now, let's rest 'till infinite comes to a cease

-ash

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alexanderpearce · 10 months

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ship ask game 😁1 Who would be first to to bite down anc consume the flesh of the other, euphoric in the taste and the heft and the slide of the blood 2. who is the ant and who is the ophiocordyceps fungus? 3. who is the dog and who is the master? 4 when the roles are blurred or reversed who would be first to die and how? would it be by bulletwound? the phallic blade? strangulation? 5. Cocaine or Heroin? 6. who licks up the other’s cigarette ash? 7 who is julius caesar and who is brutus? 8. who is jesus and who is judas? 9. did jesus want it? did julius caesar know it was coming? are the betrayed ever proud? 10. who is irrumatus and who is irrumans? who is pedicatus and who is pedicans? 11. did they ever kiss and why not? 12 if they are two sides of the same coin who is heads and who is tails? 13. and if the coin was the holey dollar? 14. And if the dog bit back? 15 and if the dog bit back? 16 and if the dog bit back? 17 and if the dog bit back? 18 and if the dog bit back? 19 and if the dog bit back? 20. Who buys the other flowers?🥰

#feel free to proliferate this as either poetry or a real ask game it is both. And if you follow my sideblog you know who this is about #the latin participles mean who is facefucked/facefucking and who is sodomised/sodomising #my poetry #my writing #idr if theres any more posts in that tag maybe i should write more. this was fun.#it IS entirely inspired by and about ollie and malcolm the thick of it. for posterity.#its giving hannibal and will as well tho #shut up ulrike #shipping #fangirl #ship ask game #drug tw #popular #greatest hits #cordyceps

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beaft · 3 months

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finding out that most other people have an internal monologue fucked me up so bad i swear. what do you MEAN you have a little voice talking inside your head the whole time? does that not drive you nuts???

#for fully 24 years of my life i thought the whole 'a voice piped up inside his head' thing was just like #a metaphor #the only time i have a voice in my head is when i'm thinking about poetry or song lyrics or remembering something someone else said #i realised this at the worst possible time (on acid/lost in a wood) and had a mild existential crisis #drugs mention cw

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voidic3ntity · 2 months

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I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want to hurt myself:

not anymore, & I don't want to hurt those who love me,

I never wanted to do that, & I hate myself for doing it;

but sometimes, the voices scream so fucking loud...

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mitskicoded · 2 months

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on addiction

1) shame by mitski 2) me 3) crack rock by frank ocean

#web weaving #web weave #webweave #poetry #moodboard #quotes #addiction #tw addiction #drug usage

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thoughtsconsumeme · 1 year

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galaxywarp · 8 months

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(please like if you read. and it would mean a lot to me if you read.)

————————

My body and my mind have been sick lately

So my sleep schedule has been fucked.

3am is a normal time to wake.

And just before the sun rises,

I find a couple of dollars

And I put some gas in my tank and I buy a cheap iced coffee,

And I drive and I watch the sun come up

While I listen to music that makes my friends sad.

And as I’m standing at the pump and overdrawing my bank account to put a few dollars of gas in my car,

And my speakers are playing a song about wanting to kill my father with a baseball bat,

I see a man around my age walking towards the gas station,

From out of the shadows of the distant sidewalk

Into the harsh light.

And he’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants and he’s walking alone through the dark to a gas station at 5 in the morning to buy a lighter

And some part of me registers that this is a man who others may feel nervous about him approaching them through the darkness.

But in him I see myself.

And I miss being a meth addict.

And I miss his world. And I miss dragging myself, dirty and beaten, to the nearest gas station at 5 in the morning with loose change in my pocket to buy myself a lighter so that I can smoke my meth pipe.

And I get back in my car that’s still playing a song about wanting to kill my father with a baseball bat.

And I try to think about what it is I’m missing.

And I think of rooms of faces,

Painful, terrible, beautiful faces,

Where every person there understands exactly what it’s like to be at a gas station at 5 in the morning listening to a song about wanting to kill your father with a baseball bat.

And you don’t have to think about it.

You don’t have to talk about it.

They just hand you a pipe

And a lighter

And the pain goes away.

And I drive to pick up my iced coffee

And I don’t feel as bad about the iced coffee as I thought I would.

It’s only two dollars, after all.

And it’s easy to find two dollars, even when you have nothing else.

You can find two dollars in a lot of places.

In your couch.

In old jacket pockets.

In the kindness of a stranger.

And I’ve been hoarding loose change for years.

I keep it in my grandpa’s old ammunition box from the war.

The box where I keep one of the shells from the guns they fired at his and grandma’s funeral.

The box where I keep a dirty rusty nail that someone gave me in rehab.

Someone who didn’t make it, but I did.

The box where I keep the smooth pretty blue stone that the other patients passed around on my last day, that they held close to their hearts as they wished me strength on my journey. As they told me that I was strong and that I was going to make it.

And it’s the box where I keep my loose change

For iced coffee

And meth lighters.

It’s easy to find two dollars.

Your mom will give you two dollars

If you tell her it’s for iced coffee

And not meth lighters.

Your mom will give you two dollars

If you promise it’s not to kill yourself.

And in the drive thru the girl asks me to please wait a moment, she has to refill the coffee.

And I tell her it’s okay, really, no rush.

And she thanks me

And tells me she appreciates me.

And I think about all the jobs I’ve had

Where I had to ask a customer to please wait a moment

So I could do something important

Like refill the coffee

Or use heroin in the bathroom.

And when she hands me my iced coffee I say thank you

And I tell her “I appreciate you too”.

And I see her face fall, briefly,

As she is stunned by my words

Taken aback by this brief, fleeting moment of genuine kindness and connection.

And just as quickly she smiles at me

Truly smiles

And says thank you.

And I hurry and drive away, so she can deal with the rest of the cars in line

Many of which are running late for work

And who will blame her for it.

And I take my drive.

And I watch the sun rise.

And I listen to music that makes my friends sad.

And when I come home

I wash down my antidepressants with what’s left of my iced coffee

And I think about how I don’t miss being a meth addict.

I am a meth addict

Without his pipe.

#recovery tag #addiction #drug addiction #recovery #poetry

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iii-han-nah-bae-iii · 1 month

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I cannot ever forget you.

No Poison; No violence nor antidepressants could ever erase you from my mind.

You are not real but you were never a delusion. You are my comfort.

A fantasy.

One that has carried me through the miserable years of my youth.

Even when the storm passes and my vision returns,

Even when I have been abandoned by every other thought and memory,

You will always have a home in me.

- HB

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rookieseasons · 1 month

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car seat headrest // unknown // criminal minds // the front bottoms // noah kahan // druck // sylvia plath // unknwon // gentle earth // diane seuss

#idk! is this anything!#web weaving #webweave #addiction #poetry #tw drugs #car seat headrest #sylvia plath #the front bottoms

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emptyjunior · 3 months

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So would you guys say Lord Byron invented the hype house

#*high school teacher voice* in a way AUTHORS were the original YouTube tiktok influencers😎#just a bunch of authors living in a big house together doing drugs and inventing the genre of science fiction #except they were actually having sex #lord byron #poetry #literature #history #mary shelley #percy shelley #books

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lxvenderjewel · 2 months

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angel tears

shoutout to @falling-raine for inspiring this one, your fic was heartwrenching I loved kt. the fic

if you look at the clouds

all dark and gray

and you wonder what

happened to the day

the sun was shining

the sky was blue

the birds were singing

now darkened too

an angel sits

somewhere up there

he’s all alone

and no one cares

he pastes a smile

and walks along

memories of

a nightingale's song

and finally when

he gets the time

he writes and writes

for every line

his eyes fill up

with angel tears

and when they spill

the whole world hears

#good omens #aziracrow #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #poetry #vanny writes poems and songs for her own enjoyment #dopamine is a hell of a drug #thanks maggot discord server

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drowningbeneath-thewaves · 1 year

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To begin to understand an addict; you have to have been one.

You have to carry the burden of that demon for yourself. Feel the weight of it bring you to your knees.

Go to war with yourself everyday; fighting; to just make it one more day.

Some days the demons are so loud they create echos in your head. Screaming for you to just give in. Just do it.

And some days, the demons let you rest. It’s almost like you’re safe, but you know you aren’t.

It takes one bad day, one unguarded moment to give the demons what they want.

To give in.

To feel the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.

Numbness taking over. No more pain.

You are once again an emotionless corpse.

Taken by the darkness,

Until we meet again darling.

#dark thoughts #depressing quotes #sad thoughts #break up #depressing poem #sad poems #deep feelings #pain poetry #hate myself #recovering addict #addiction #drug abuse

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tradetobest · 2 months

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For Jake "The Snake" Roberts, on the Occasion of Making an Unlikely Out in Centerfield During a Charity Softball Game by Colette Arrand

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

an attempt to express the way this poem makes me feel

#poetry posts #jack eichel #connor mcdavid #dylan strome #mitch marner #2015 draft #toronto maple leafs #vegas golden knights #washington capitals #edmonton oilers #cw drugs

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voidic3ntity · 4 months

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I have some vast mass of immovable darkness within my soul,

& no matter how hard I try to make peace with these demons,

I shall always remain darkened, akin to the likeness of decay;

& since I was very young, it has burnt & singed everything...

everything good I have ever laid my eyes upon has burnt,

& again, I stand as nothing more than helpless witness.

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johnniescrossnecklace · 1 month

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OH LEMME TELL YOU BOUT THE SAD MAN

SHUT UP AND LEMME SEE YOUR JAZZ HANDS

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A MADMAN?

THOUGHT YOU WAS BATMAN

AND HIT THE PARTY WITH A GAS CAN

KISS ME YOU ANIMAL

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theaddictspoetry · 1 year

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i think there are times

where you miss the version of yourself

who never knew

what its like to be under the influence,

i know you never meant

to dance with the devil,

but when you're in his grasp

everything seems so free,

i promise you're not free,

not at all,

not until you say NO

thats the hardest part-

to say no, to a beautiful devil.

an evil, masked so beautifully.

@theaddictspoetry

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