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thenetflixadaptation · 4 months

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Paris, France.

Hello, I’ve missed you.

Uncanny, withdrawals at daybreak. I come home to vacancy, the feeling of venom within my veins.

Hello, goodbye once more.

Briefly time elapses. Time halts. Time is ours to manipulate. I must thank you for that. A feeling not easily obtained & even harder to let go.

Hello, ventures into the unknown.

I knew you as my lover, an individual who shares common ground, however for the first time I bask in your individuality. I witness you as if we never met before.

Hello, until death do us part.

Please stay.

#poetry #personal essay #essay #literacy #essay poetry #writing #love #love poems #poetic #love poetry

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thenetflixadaptation · 6 months

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Again

A resurrection.

How could I have been so nearsighted. To not see the bigger picture as I did previous shall rest upon my shoulders. A shame I now carry.

How could I have been so naïve to believe the fire was nearly extinguished… or perhaps it was, but why was I so ready to not nurture it back to the flame it was set to be from when it was manifested.

How could I have questioned my allegiance. An ally that is not in constant agreement does not make said ally a foe. Pride fell in the way of understanding one another, and despite actively knowing so I couldn’t bare to fall back & recuperate.

We are not so easily manipulated by our insecurities for our instincts tell us we are meant to continue forward. I’m eager to see where our resilience takes us next.

To my lover; You are the world.

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thenetflixadaptation · 1 year

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Adore

A mutual trust but it will never come to fruition.

A mutual love that will never come to be.

If there is a God, I truly despise him.

I cannot comprehend, therefore I am met at a cross roads. Do I continue my search for this happiness that I cannot confide with you?

Perfect soulmates who became acquainted at the most inopportune of times.

Your lips like none other, your touch all the bliss I’ve ever needed.

Your eyes speak a million words, bittersweet that I may never get to hear them speak again.

I adore you. I adore you.

I wish I met you before. I wish I could have saved you, however you need no saving. You are happy all the same, perfect the way you are.

If there is a God, I truly despise him.

My dreams will be you & you alone. My absolute desire. Even if the odds are not in our favour & you end up seeking refuge within someone else’s arms, just know I adore you all the same. This I can guarantee will never change.

I’m happy to have met you no matter what transpires. You will forever be in my heart, exactly where I want you to be.

0808 You deserve everything, including this love letter.

#essay poetry #romance poetry #sad poetry #poetry #poems #writing #essay writing #love #beauty #bittersweet #affection

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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nov27

Another year passes, another year without purpose.

Why do I live? My accomplishments minuscule, nor can I lay with the one I love. I am torn within every facet of my existence.

What do I do with this life?

I want more in life than I can obtain. I want to live but death is so enticing.

Self-sabotage or poorly aged decisions on my accord? I’m still waiting for the answer.

I am always alone. I’ve grown accustomed, but it doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable.

I wish I was naïve enough to believe in optimism, a light constantly around the corner in my darkest of hours, overshadowing my impairing thoughts…

Is this who I am or a phase in an ever evolving narrative? When will I snap into this evergreen reality where life feels like a cloud I sit upon?

I was so close, now I’m further than I was ever was.

Time continues, and so does the ever-going responsibilities with it.

How do I become happy?

Where do I begin?

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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When December Comes

I was so good to you.

I truly was.

I’ve always been humble for I hate to gloat, however something you taught me was to take pride in my attributes.

Irony I suppose.

I was so good to you.

You know that.

Is that why you couldn’t bare to look me in the eye? Why you couldn’t give me what I naturally desired? A cohesive answer is all I ever wanted but you rather cower.

I was so good to you.

You lied to me.

Told me your circle was strictly platonic. Now look at you.

This damage is irreparable. You crushed all of me within one fell swoop.

I’ll never let myself become victim to that ever again. My trust is no longer given due to how volatile you became.

I never want to love again.

I was so good to you.

I would have loved you forever, but you clearly didn’t share any respect for me.

I was so good to you; but now go fuck yourself

#love #love poems #break up #personal essay #poetry #essay #literacy #short essays #writing #critical thinking #essay poetry #love poetry #poetic #relationship #love essay #love story #lovecore #perspectives #breakup

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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1am in August.

Your actions have rippled, your lies wound.

Manipulation? Perhaps. You longed for validation… And when mine sought dry, you set sights on a new oasis. Ungrateful.

I’m at peace until you arrive, the thought of you ensues havoc. To think at one point you were the focal point of my existence… I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it, however I’d be stupid to ever want it to transpire.

Soulless.

You care for nothing in this world but yourself. I wish I saw you as the selfish harlot you had yet to reveal.

I thought you were a goddess, someone who bared courage & strength, however I was sorely mistaken. You are frail. You cower behind excuses & false narratives.

In my eyes you were everything morally just this earth had to offer.

Chameleon.

I lived believing I was to blame for any worry. You let me ruminate I was the fractured soul within our connection… but in due time I came to realize that it was in fact the contrary;

you are broken.

My trust grew so deep within you, deeper than any family bond or friendly relationship.

This earth was not meant for such belief, therefore I will never again.

Unlike you however I will bare empathy & compassion within anyone’s presence.

Faith I lack because you were vacant of any.

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Of Viceroy and Peach.

The only agenda that lays upon my mind is the one that is in motion with you.

My heart now a cascade of evergreen & foliage, nourished. Soil enriched by the trust you plant within.

Most definitely enamoured.

I am certainly not one to be shallow, however you’re sculpted ever so perfectly. Mind & soul unified, I grasp to comprehend. Consistent you are, unabated with the luxe of charm & grace.

I need no Cupid to surrender myself to you. Radiant.

Sweet as you should, yet resilient no different.

I am attracted, no need to cast a line. I voluntarily set forth onto you. My fervour is yours for the taking if you wish to live in tandem with who I become.

Caress me.

#love poems #poetry #personal essay #literacy #essay #writing #essay poetry #poetic #love poetry #love #relationship #love essay #lovecore

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Avenue du Docteur Penfield

I’m enamoured.

I understand you entirely, but yet none of you all the same.

Speaking your mind even within the silence.

Your eyes relay a thousand phrases to me while your smile a thousand more.

You are exactly what I want to know. Indefinitely.

Succinctly elegant.

You are everything I’ve ever dreamt about encapsulated into something I never knew I desired to begin with.

A voyage I wish to peruse is one crafted by you- and you alone. You are the feeling of being on the verge of discovery.

I will never capitulate. You are worth everything,

irreplaceable.

I wish to uncover you, pure. Free of blinding lights & the whirlwind of ecstasy that surrounds the nuance…

Exhilarating regardless. I wish not to be blinded by mere lust any further.

I want to vision you from your self reflection.

Undoubtedly I will continue to be enamoured.

#essay poetry #poetry #love poems #love poetry #love #literacy #critical thinking #writing #poetic #relationship #locked in lust #lust #lustful poetry #perspectives #personal essay #love story #lovers #lovecore #i love her

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Alta Vista (22-05-29)

Your hair done up for a special occasion, a summer dress upon you with the straps over your shoulders. Your eyes lay bright behind your eyeliner, and your cheeks a tint of rose.

This is you.

My lover.

A downpour waits outside the confines of our car. No wind, just the patter of rain drops as they hit the windshield, covering it in a sheet of water. I look at you every time I wait at a red light, taking in all that is you. I truly am infatuated with you & all you set out to be.

I love these moments. The time spent with you in between. The times where I can stand back and take a breather from the chaos we call life and really just admire you. I love you like you wouldn’t believe.

I drive with one hand holding the wheel, the other in your palm. Your fingertips never fail to sooth me, your touch always welcoming. I adore you and the lingering sensation of your hand in mine. We are so different, yet one in the same.

The street lights shine bright on your face as the grey clouds of the storm blind the sun. We approach your parents home, you’re occasion. I’ll be honest, I don’t quite remember what it is- however I wish I were invited. There’s nothing more I’d rather do than to hold this hand the entire rest of the evening. These are the moments in between that I wish would last a lifetime, although the fact that they end is the reason I cherish them ever so much.

We pull into the driveway, but the rain still pours, even harder than before. I can’t have your quaffed hair or your gorgeous eyeliner be ruined before your event. I don’t want you to be upset. I’m sorry dearest mother in law but I must, for I love your daughter so immensely.

I pull off the driveway and ride along the grass your father just spread only months previous. My wheels digging craters into the lawn as I drive my way up to your front door. We feel the torque of the wheels spinning, digging itself into the wet dirt. You’re shocked at first, which leads to us both laughing in tandem. We both think this is so funny, such an “us” thing to do.

Your father walks out onto the porch. I see his face lit with the yellow tinted light that sits upon the galleries roof. He has less than an amused demeanour, understandable however. I wave at him through the windshield while he folds his arms, unamused by my antics to keep his daughter dry from the storm that waits outside the car. You & I both look at each other and chuckle a bit knowing full well we shouldn’t be as titillated as we are.

You lean over to share a kiss before leaving. Your hand still locked in mine. Every time I kiss you I’m brought back to every fond memory we’ve created together. I’m reminded that there is none other like yourself. I can hardly believe you are mine, that we are each others.

“I love you” seeps from your lips. Angelic.

“I love you too.”

You turn to open the door, the rain hitting the interior panel’s of the car door. You start to exit with your purse over your head as you make a dash to the entrance of your parents home. You rush up the steps, and before you enter you turn to wave at me.

God I wish I were invited.

I blow you a kiss and off you go into the house. Off to your occasion.

I reach over the passenger seat and look out my rear while I reverse out of the yard back onto the driveway. I see in front lies 2 long trenches of mud pooling up where my tires were. I smirk a bit knowing your father is certainly not pleased with me, but I couldn’t let you get wet…

I’ll never leave you upset. I promise.

I love you forever.

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Line 1, Northbound.

Even if unbearable, we must swallow our truths. We must admit & submit from time to time for not everything falls inline with our desires. My pride dwindles when you’re absent, almost into non-existence. Perhaps odd considering we’ve only shared a few intimate moments under the shared moonlight, although I’d be a liar to claim they don’t continually replay within the confounds of my mind. To think mere memories would be worth more to me than jewels & ores, to think your touch as soft as pedals, would be the only therapy my soul aches for. To think? No. I don’t even. How may one think when your presence is wrapped around me. Your fingertips cover my eyes, and your lips live in unison with my own.

This is love-

Life and all within it must conclude, I just don’t understand why it was so brief? Why must I leave? What really are the responsibilities holding me from you, from spending the rest of my time with you? I take all the time I can to feel you, knowing that this might very well be the last. Something we both won’t admit while we’re in each others presence, unfortunately we both are not naïve.

I get lost in you. Truly. I forget that time is limited. I forget that minutes elapse into hours, and hours into days. The only thing I care for is you, and I would’t have lived that time in any other way. To know my skin will most likely never feel your embrace again shatters me. Games are meant to be lost just as much as they’re meant to be won. We knew that. We knew all along.

Daydreaming; an escape turned prison. An asylum of potential locked behind the undeniable truth that we were never destined to be together. Cruel yet bittersweet. The naïve will carry hope to sooth the inevitable, however it will only destroy them even further. The wise know that to wait upon something that may never come to fruition is inherently being a fool.

I wish I were a fool,

for I’d live a thousand years just to know that I’d end up with you for one.

I adore you. I hope to see you again.

#love poetry #poetry #love #love essay #essay #essay writing #academic essay #personal essay #literacy #critical thinking #essay poetry #short essays #struggle #bittersweet #breakup #hookup #writing #writers of tumblr #writing life

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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In Between Papos & Rohod.

(A short story by Zachary (thenetflixadaptation))

My boy, oh where could he have gone? I wait upon this curb at dusk, loathing at the thought of his absence. My favorite dress, now blackened. Where could he have made off? He should have returned by now…

I will wait for his arrival, that is what a good mother must uphold.

My dear Gyögry, I hope you are well, I hope you are bound to come home sometime soon. I want to look into your bright green eyes again and kiss your forehead. I am your mother, I must love you.

Please do not be your fathers son. Please come home my dearest. You know how mother gets in the evenings.

I worry for Gyö, he tells me Vaja is too small for all he seeks to accomplish. In my heart I know he wishes to leave this place, Debrecen perhaps. I do not wish malice on him like she may believe. You are not what she says you are.

She does not know my son, oh my sharp son. He shines as bright as a coat of fresh snow, his mind vast, always eager to learn. He is a magnet to knowledge, however I am scared not to understand him, or to forget his aspirations.

I tell him stories of his father, the stories he brought back from the U.S.S.R. He reminds me so much of him. His sharp jaw, his knuckles. The way he laughs is almost parallel to his fathers. I wish I had more memories to share with Gyö, but I seem to forget so much as of recently. Night fogs my memory.

His father would have loved the boy he grew to be, despite what she may believe. She tells me he would have despised Gyö the way he despised her. Her distorted recollection of my husband angers me, at times I know she mistakes him for someone astray.

I remember myself holding György at birth, however I cannot remember my husband holding our son for the first time. What provokes me are the little oddities, like bringing empty bottles to the shop, but I could never recall him drinking. I wish my memory would allow me to remember him more, so I can tell György more about his father. Perhaps I should see the doctor despite her.

I’m convinced her green eyes are those of jealousy. For as long as I can remember she has always been there looking back at me, perhaps envious of the family I possess. If she were present she would most likely be guffawing at my son’s absence, the same way she did my husband’s.

Gyö please return, I am worried sick. I cannot lose you. I cannot stand to lose yet another. My sweet, I beg of you to turn that corner, I wish to see you, I wish to hold you and love you the way I always have. I wish to look at you again… I must remember you son, I must not be feeble.

As I wait for him, the scent of pálinka starts to linger. There she is, in her favorite dress. She holds out her hand, arms mutilated as per usual. Nevertheless, I want nothing to do with her. I only wish to see Gyö. I do not have time for her usual antics. I push her hand away, yet her arm remains extended. I expect her to make comments about Gyö missing or about my husband's inability to love me, but tonight she is silent. She seems at peace almost. I can’t remember her ever being calm.

I hesitate, but I take her hand and stand in front of her. Facing her I remember our first encounter. We met before Gyö was born. I had just gotten home from the shops in Õr I believe when I went to take a nap, but upon opening my door I saw her. She was sitting on the edge of our bed, looking at herself in the mirror. She was weeping, her eyes swollen and her face blue. I first noticed her arms that day, bruises that looked as if someone beat her with a stick, or perhaps the broom we kept in the closet down the hall.

I remember asking what happened but she insisted that I already knew. She insisted it was my husband who had done this to her, which was impossible… He wasn’t home. My husband was deployed by that time.

I told her it couldn’t have been him, that he was deployed in the east of Poland but she insisted regardless. She tells me it was Andor. Andor had done this to her, but I told her she was mistaken. Our husband's name is not Andor… I refuse.

Still, in the present her eyes are swollen. She still has the dried up blood over her lip from over a decade ago. She grips my hand in hers and guides me as we walk up the hill towards our home, but why? I must wait for Gyö, she should know this. Regardless, I follow. Why, I am not certain. She brings me to the cellar doors between the house and the garage. I go to pull the keys from my pocket but the door is already unlocked. Gyö?

The lantern is lit, but why? Has Gyö been down here the whole time? How has he managed to get into the cellar without the keys? My son is an inventive one, as are we.

I head down the few steps descending into the cellar. It smells of iron, more so than usual. Flies filled the room, and the smell of livestock rotting began to overwhelm the smell of iron. I look back to the steps but she’s gone. I’m alone with the moonlight and the howls of the wind, rustling the trees. I want to call for her but her name escapes me. I’m scared of what lies ahead. I feel like I’ve seen this before.

I see the wooden table we kept here. Andor would salt the meat in the summer. We would knock on the door but at times he wouldn't answer. The floor around the table still is home to all of my husband's cigarette butts, or at most the ones that weren't dug into her forearm. Where is she? I need her now. I’m afraid for György, what if he never returns home? I need him back. I’m his mother!

Tunnel vision ensues, the feeling I receive late into the night. The anxiety of her, of Gyõ, of my husband making his way to our room, broom in hand. I remember his name, it’s Andor. Andor. How could I have not remembered it before? What a beautiful name for a beautiful man. The memories of him begin to fill my mind rapidly, every lucious kiss, every long walk along the pond, every time I said no… Everytime he called me nothing but a whore of a woman.

I fall to my knees in front of the table, tears whisp down my cheeks as I recall everything he did to us. All the nights I spent pondering if this body was truly mine, wishing someone else could help me grieve, wishing I wasn’t pregnant with his spawn…

How could I resent Gyö? He is my earth, my life. He is all that I love in this world, but why does he disgust me ever so much? I looked at him with nothing but a mothers love, now it pains me to think of him. We cannot bear to gaze at him any longer, it sickens us.

I open our eyes to his shoes underneath the wooden table in the cellar. I look up to notice his spring jacket is dangling from atop the table.

Gyö?

I slowly get back on our feet. I see a white tablecloth overtop a silhouette. I don’t even have to reveal him, I know what lies underneath. My son, bruised, mangled and deceased. How have I seen this before? Why has she done this? Where is she? He is not Andor. He did not deserve this.

I pull the cloth off of my son, my oh so brilliant son. He hasn’t changed, He layed just as I remembered him. My handsome boy, you frightened your mother! I will scold him later, for now I can only wish to embrace him.

I am so happy to see Gyö, I was so worried he would never return home. Please never be your fathers son, always stay with me, I will protect you from all that is evil in this world. I promise my son, I will shield your well-being.

I pick my son up off the table and wrap him in my arms. He must be exhausted, he’s dead asleep. I step from out of the cellar and bring him up to the house, where I lay him on my bed for the evening. Why was he down there to begin with? I’ll have to ask him when morning comes, I forget so much in the evenings.

I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at our reflection, I see her green eyes filled with envy once more.

I know she’ll try to convince me otherwise, but I am certain my husband would be so proud of his wonderful little boy, György.

#mental health writting #personal essay #short fiction #short story #short stories #DiD #multiple personalities #edgar allan poe #dark #dark writing #love story #mental health #mental disorder #emotional abuse #abuse #story #writing #struggle

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Wednesday, May 4th 2022

You are not a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but a sheep in wolves clothing. You are a coward. Your truth is weak, deemed inadequate by even those within your circle. They see within you as if you were a glass house, one in which you’ve casted your own stones.

You are not as perceptive as you say. You are blind.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, therefore your lack of acuteness to me is your most redeeming quality. The fact you are unaware of your weakness is a weakness in itself. Unintentional, indeed, however this is my greatest tool in my arsenal, and you’ve given it to me.

Your lack of attendance is my weapon but coherently your biggest defence.

Ignorance is bliss.

My endgame is obstructed if I have nobody who understands. This is my weakness. I may die on this hill correct, but I may die on it alone. You may as well, but you wouldn’t realize you were lonesome, because you are blind…

So who really wins?

Despite you not being suitable, I cannot do anything. I am cornered by my own thoughts for you cannot comprehend them.

Your dull-wittedness has won. Unfortunately.

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Is your existence based upon co-existence?

Conclusions you will not be able to manipulate, answers that will not fit your desire. An accumulation of pain at your expense, onto you by another’s say.

The saying to be yourself is uncanny, however when suicide is upon the surface of ones true self, all of the sudden being yourself is considered criminal. In the eyes of the suicidal everyone else is more scared of death than they themselves. The feeling of being misunderstood infuriates us, therefor empathize. Torn upon the values and moral beliefs of one’s former self will dictate the events of the future.

This is the true depiction of evolution.

What is man if we cannot adapt, cannot desire what we did not the day previous? Our consciousness is in motion towards what believe is ideal. We must treat others in that tone for if we disregard what they believe is ideal we will never take into account their reasoning. Everyone fathoms a manifest destiny and is entitled to such.

Before mutilating ones ideologies based upon your transgressions, ask perhaps why one has this at the forefront. We cannot learn if we do not ask, we cannot evolve if we do not experience.

Perfection lies within imperfection. Within imperfection lies no one solution, but multiple, and through process of elimination the optimal one will be abundantly clear.

Do not jump the gun… Solution takes time.

Wether you are the suicidal or the one subjected to aid, please empathize with your surroundings. I ask of you to propose a question as oppose to demanding for a result.

#essay poetry #sad poetry #poetry #essay #short essays #personal essay #love #self confidence #struggle #mutual aid #academic essay #essay collection

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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In the eyes of the dreary, pain is the less of the path to succession and more the agenda of disassociation. Solitude around our perimeters to seem all is well, however what takes ahold of our internal dialogue is what religion deems to be our inner "demons". Our personal woes.

We crave plausible theory, we are all longing for a somewhat adequate justification. Whether that be in tandem of others or not, we wish to comprehend. We wish to be disciples of cohesive thought, to grasp meaning of all that surrounds us, even if it does not fall in line with what we truly desire. Man is forevermore cursed to seek knowledge no matter the cost, which is simultaneously troubling and noble.

Chaos cannot be cured, it can only be subdued for limited time. Please note that fear controls all, and fear will forever be present no matter the scenario. Fear breeds indecisiveness, it breeds catastrophe. Without fear would dawn the end to war (however in theory could also spawn a never ending one too). If fear where to be removed from life's equation, we'd (potentially) perceive a future where racism, sexism & ableism to be vanquished entirely... But unfortunately to mans demise, fear is what swings the pendulum of life. For instance, without fear a mother may not be enticed to raise her child positively, for she would not be scared of him failing mundane tribulations. Without fear we would speed along open roads without the though of a potential accident crossing our minds.

We cannot live this life without the equilibrium that mends us. As much as fear may drive us apart, it also brings us in unison. We must accept that.

I write this not for you to agree with fear, but to understand it.

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Fathom a world of pure ecstasy, where every dark shade was seamlessly rendered an array of colours. Every word spoken to be therapeutic, stress muted.

Fathom intimacy, to the highest of pedigrees. A bond perceived as remotely inseparable. So intertwined that it surpasses mere lust. A life in unison, a soulmate above all else. To be described as a "partner" undermines everything for it is a mixture without any sign of coagulation.

Fathom trust. True trust. Treason is now only a myth amongst men, never stepping into the forefront. Unconditional understanding, the mutual respect of boundaries without question. An alliance in which they always have your best interest. The feeling of unification overall. No masquerade, the world and all of its inhabitants cannot hold a light to it, truly one of a kind.

Fathom undying empathy. a fellowship of affection where a connection is so immense, each others feelings could be felt down to the last nerve. Interested so intently in one another yet almost without realization... natural occurrence. The purest of hearts mended within one another's love, something most can only dream to obtain.

Fathom the glory of hope and all the prosperity that follows suit. The unspoken truth that one another believes in each others successes, that all will be rectified no matter the scenario at play. No matter the dilemma, nothing will obstruct each others event horizon. All is justified for both have manifested their destinies between one another, and nothing can pry it apart. Even in death they will forever be immortal.

Fathom happiness. Eternal happiness. In tandem they will be content, because in tandem they belong.

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Why did I love you, Why do I still? I'm a husk of myself, yet I still die on this hill.

Consumed by the madness that I sought to defeat. The mind cannot grasp so the mind cannot retreat.

Impaled I lay, not a light in sight. Not a day is accompanied without a treacherous night.

The memories haunt me but I cannot bare to let them go, because for a brief moment existence made sense. I was able to conform to who I truly was without the fear of being ostracized. You guided me to loving myself, and with that I love you all the same.

I wish only the best, you deserve that. It pains me that I cannot be there to witness your growth. It daunts me to think I might not be the one you hold as the sun sets. I long for your embrace, but I also long for your wellbeing. I hope you find your purpose, your meaning.

I will wait until the next life to hold your face again. Your love is worth countless lifetimes. No other compares to you, and that is my truth. I know you are blinded in regards to your self worth, but I promise you that you are worth beyond anything this life has to offer. I only ask, when you eventually see what I have been gazing upon, that you think of me.

Even though I am distraught, I thank you, for within your love I have seen a glimpse of eternal happiness. I hope I bare to witness it again within you.

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thenetflixadaptation · 2 years

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Life is built upon the foundation of man's sorrows, man's agony & man's misfortune.

They say defeat is what fuels man, what drives him. They say one is not judged for who they are, but based on the obstacles one overcomes. How they approach a given situation is their true nature.

What are their motives? Do they show compassion towards the wicked or weary, or do they vex themselves at the slightest inconvenience? Do they seek attention? Does their humble nature keep themselves content or are they consistently seeking validation in all of life's narrow crevices?

Who are they?

Man is only man due to man's worst.

It may sound deceptive, but it’s the truth. Unfortunately man only motivates themselves from fear of failure, fear of the unknown. Our best interests progressively evolve based on our new output on failure, based on our newly developed fears of not knowing a given outcome. We are creatures of nature. Whether or not we latch onto familiarity within our lives or we strive for new experiences in our conquest to understand whatever we may be searching for, we are scared. We are scared that if we stray away from our search for gratification (whether that be within ourselves or in line with the desires of others) that we will fall short of accomplishing our mission, leading us to a terrible fate beyond repair.

The allure of instant gratification drains us. Our impatience leads us, most likely to negative consequences. Our fears as well (for the most part) drive us to negative consequences. We rarely look fear in the eye, nor do we take it at face value. There is a difference between the facade of being fearless and not being frightened. It’s easy to throw our problems to the side, to forget they exist. Some will believe that in doing so they are conquering said fear, when in actuality this only leads them to their inevitable demise of solitude.

The most noble of people are those who face their fears with the intent of aiding themselves. (or others in due diligence) You cannot gaze at a silver lining if your eyes are continuously shut.

No matter how hard we try, agony is sure to ensue, because we are human. There is no escaping what is humanity. We are all cogs longing for purpose and whether we find said purpose is what we fear. Debating our purpose is intrusive, and for the most part negative, because we are human.

Ponder life as a cigarette and fear the flame. The cigarette is an accumulation of toxins, as man is an accumulation of defeats and regret. The cigarette will only come into effect once the flame ignites it, hence why fear is represented by the flame. A cigarette is useless without the flame.

Life is built upon the foundation of man's sorrows, man's agony & man's misfortune…

However, man's sorrows, man's agony & man's misfortune are built upon the foundation of fear.

If fear provokes the true meaning of life, what is the point in living said life?

They will tell you that the small things that bring you the most joy in life should be your focal point, although why should it be the small fraction of life that's the part worth living? Perhaps the good parts of life could indeed make up the majority, but why then is the pain in one's heart always so grand in comparison to any overly positive gesture or circumstance? I will assume that it is in the eye of the beholder, but again, we are human. We are bound to mistakes. We are bound to the lack of comprehension. We should not be expected to know all, but to be cautious.

Life is absurd, life is unbearable. Human existentialism has surpassed the human. Animals and organisms live to survive while we coherently live to die. We have become evermore lost while searching for ourselves, but we choose to not accept our defeat. We have lost sight of sensibility.

This is the foundation of fear; getting lost in the obscurity of which we consist of. Our demise. We are forever caught in perpetual agony. A species so self aware yet so naive. So open for answers yet to stubborn to accept that there isn't any. Our relentless search for purpose has made us an atrocity of selfish desires.

If there is one truth I must make aware of is that there is no cure to fear besides death. True harmony begins only once our misery is vanquished, so in theory if death holds no misery, death must be bliss.

The truth is morbid, but so is the rest of life. Harmony and tranquility will come in increments throughout the course of life, although they never come to last indefinitely. Whether you see the world as glass half empty or glass half full, there is still only half the amount of liquid being held. Can you bear the sight of a half glass or is it intolerable knowing that it will never be full? Again, it is within the eye of the beholder. Perhaps all they ever needed was half a glass, perhaps they are not as parched as I.

A life worth living is all anyone desires, yet life will always remain insufferable because we are human. Once we can accept that, we can accept the fear; the foundation of our every mistake.

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