an-ocean-viewer
An ocean viewer's little blog
Terraria, pixel art, a bit of writing, and sometimes (mostly) just my thoughts
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I only asked a moment of silence,
To find the respite I had lost since,
So my head could then stop its dance,
Clarity, a vivid trance...
This moment hath still remained,
No clarity retained,
My head still stained,
Silence reigns...
Just dance...
Pain...
#poem#blank#idk what to tag this#i just feel empty so here's#a poem about me feeling empty#poetic shitposts
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Saw this flock of birds above a tree before they all flew away. Cool.
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The Last Eighteen Pages
I once heard how the last eighteen pages of a book are the most important part of the finale.
The decrescendo after the climax, the falling action, the conclusion–a reminder of what the protagonist faces ahead. Sometimes, there's even a surprise twist as is seen in horror novels.
A good book is worth the reread. I've read the same manga 7 times and still have yet to lose interest in it. There's an ephemeral euphoria in reliving your favorite scenes. Maybe it's when a character says a line that has stuck with you. Maybe it's a fight scene that you can't seem to get enough of. Sometimes it's watching the protagonist's awkward attempts at flirting and finding yourself in them.
But all stories have an ending. It can't go on forever. That's what makes a story beautiful. An eternal good becomes a constant, it becomes expected, and, at worst, it becomes repetitive.
A temporary joy is special because it will eventually end. A book has a first page and it has a last one. A chapter in one's life will close as a new one begins.
Sometimes, there's a new volume to the book. A follow-up to continue where it left off. Sometimes, the book will gather dust and you're left only with the memory.
The last eighteen pages are the points I begin to slow down my read, trying to appreciate the art, the humor, the silly dialogue, and the clichés. The awkwardness of being shackled to his crush because someone wrote their name on a list, being mad that most of their pictures is of him frowning like an idiot, and being absolutely shocked that he managed to get her to dance with him–like seriously, how.
But eventually, one needs to close the book. You can't leave it and have the pages spoil in the open... *It's time to read the last eighteen pages and see the odds of a next volume*
Flipping to the 18th and 17th to the last page, the hero slays the demon king after an intense battle. The demon king has been defeated, the hero and his companions have saved their country.
Turning to the 16th and 15th to the last, the heroes are awarded with medals of honor, a testament to their valor and courage against a nigh insurmountable foe.
Pages 14 and 13 to the last, a grand feast is held in their name, an invitation sent to all. The cheer and merry of the crowd seemed to only increase as the moon hit its zenith and the liquor waned.
The 12th, 11th, and 10th to the last pages show the companions of the hero return to their hometown, content on living out their lives in peace. The hero embraces them one last time and thanks them for their invaluable aid.
I hesitate to flip to the next pages. It was never brought up during the ceremonies and celebrations. None spoke about it. I already know where it will be put.
I turn to the next pages. The hero is at a graveyard as sunset approaches, a half dozen bouquet of flowers in hand. He lays them one by one on the jeweled and ornate graves of his former allies, his friends.. no.. they were pretty much family. He offers each of them a eulogy in respect.
An archer who couldn't be trusted to cook. The dancer with a permanent frown on his face. The chatty wizard who silently did everything he could for the party, nay a word of thanks did he ask. The newly hired knight who stood up for the party in the face of the restless civilians eager to smear their name.
I flip to the third to the last page. The hero walks a ways away, two bouquets left in his arms as he looks around. He spots what he's looking for and walks towards it. A simple tombstone with the words:
*A child that dreamed of more*
The hero kneels and prays before laying down another bouquet.
Then he walks.. and he walks. The words cut off and require me to flip the paper held tightly in my fingers.
I ask myself if I really do want to see the next page. An ending that was so strongly hinted at that Chekhov's Gun would have shown its model, date of purchase, and warranty.
I open the second to the last page. The hero walks up the hill to a mossy, oak tree with faded carved words on it. There are no eulogies. The few humorous, yet intimate, thoughts of the hero towards his allies are none to be heard. No stupid lines that he'd normally say around them. No bickering about pointless subjects. Just silence... Pure, deafening.. silence.
I hold in my tears–you shouldn't get attached to fictional characters.
"Stupid... You're an absolute dumbass... I could have... I could have.."
The succeeding lines flowed like the tears that fell from both our eyes, recounting everything.
"I'm sorry... "
The hero wipes his eyes and lays down the final bouquet. The faded words come to his view.
"Promise!"
I flip to the last page. There are no surprise resurfacing of evil dragons. No more wars. No underground shadow organization controlling the world. No more demon kings.
Just an ending with the hero sitting on a bench as the sun... sets...
I gently lay the red cover of the book on the final page and, with it, the story comes to a close.
#prose#love#story#Valentines#wrote this after quite the day#despite my unluckiness#i wish you the best of luck#fortune favors the bold
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Things I liked about the previous days #24 (in no particular order):
1. Danced with a pretty lady (◕ᴗ◕✿)
2. My group got the highest score in our electronics lab exam
3. I've been immersing myself with coding stuff for the Minecraft server. From Dungeon Difficulty mod and Spell Engine's regex (i cri. regex confusing (-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩) ) to the simple but fun datapacks
4. Had a lot of fun in one of the minigames set up by our professor. Basically, a student would perform a "dance move" and students in a straight line would have to get that dance move across without error (or at least we tried). My prof picked me to do the "dance move".... being the little shit i am, I, of course, proceeded to perform a portion of the Laguna Clap, which was notorious in my early school days as one of the most confusing... Needless to say, it was the most lawful evil thing I've done thus far. Very fun seeing everyone fail miserably and watching the clap get worse and worse as it gets passed down the conga line of ever increasingly stupid additions to the "dance move"
5. Though long overdue, I treated my friends to free burgers at a certain popular restaurant to celebrate getting champions at the nationals.
6. Survived exam weeks umu
7. Felt a nice breeze on a cold day while looking out of a window. It's as aesthetic as it is calming for sure
8. Spending time with my friends has been such a blast these past few weeks.
9. Huge progress in my coding adventures
10. A review center gave us a session. I learned quite a lot. Though I don't have plans to do the board exam just yet, I'll eventually get to it once I have the money.
11. Our school gave us a well deserved 1 day off
12. The best thing about that 1 day off is that the very next day we had no class hehehe
13. Finished our group's thesis concept papers in which I wrote 2 out of 4 of them :3
13. Made it to class with like 2 minutes to spare
14. During our exam period, we went to our friend's house and studied there. It feels nice doing a bit of tutoring here and there.
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I swear. Using tumblr on my phone is arduous work... You create a huge list one day and accidentally remove it from your recent apps and boom.. you need to rewrite everything.
Yet, a lot of good things happened in this long while so I musn't be lazy in documenting it.
Once again, these are in no particular order.
Things I liked about these days #23
1. I got first place in the nationals🥳🥳! I didn't expect to be the champion at all. I even got a minus 2 on my final score. What a lucky break
2. Adding to the first one, I have been given both a medal and a plaque. I'll need to give the plaque to my university though.. sadly. It's the first time I ever got first place in a competition. It was in a nationals no less! I didn't even get first place in the regionals. I was only able to enjoy this opportunity due to the one who got first place in the regionals backing out.
3. Extra emphasis on that minus 2 haha! It wasn't enough to stop me MUAHAHAHHAA!
4. MY FATHER IS FEELING WELL AGAIN! WOOHOO! EAT DIRT TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA!
5. My father recovered relatively quickly. That carbamezipine is really strong. I hope that whoever invented it gets like triple the applause that the greatest inventors got
6. My friends are friends again (◕ᴗ◕✿). It's so nice being able to help my friends get together. Hehehe.
7. Our thesis concepts are coming along nicely. I'm such a smart thinker-thunker :3
8. Our zombie apocalypse has come to an end on it's 50th night. It was the most fun I've ever had in gaming that didn't feel like I just wasted 30 mins of my life watching another "teammate" run it down after a few games.
9. Now, I've created another Minecraft modpack – a fantasy adventure one with spells and classes. We're a few days in and it's setting itself up to be even better than the zombie apocalypse since there's no stress and it's mostly just us vibing.
10. Gaming with friends is nice. I just love how we're 3 idiots trying to figure out what in the flying megazord caused a zombie to get 13 thousand health. It's a blast to deal with these 'intentional' enemies (I am a very smart modpack maker that takes into account all situations possible).
11. I know for certain my friends are there for me. It feels warm. Everyone is trying to push the other up then reaching down to pull to another up. It's weird being in a healthy friend circle, but I like it!
12. I accidentally oneshot a friend of mine while playing the modpack. Turns out my dash deals a lot of damage. My friend also oneshot me... by jumping on my head.... This modpack is wild. Needs a lot of rebalancing tho. Stupid modpack maker can't even balance one class lmfao
13. Finished all 6 quizzes in two subjects in one sitting. EZ 😎
14. Turns out I still know how to do derivatives and slopes. Did not expect it since it was nearly 3 years ago. Then again, I'm having an easier time learning trigonometry in this last year so perhaps this is my luck pushing itself to the limits
15. The lessons thus far in our competency appraisal are easy to understand and brain digestible. Managed to discover a calculator technique for dividing matrices easier
16. I like the little things. For example, my friend usually tells me to correct my posture.
17. We reviewed in my friend's house and we got free fud
18. It feels nice to get along with everyone in a classroom setting. There hasn't been much face-to-face classes, sadly. But now that we have exams, all of us are meeting. I think I'm getting along with everyone (at least, I hope I am)
19. I suck at crimping wires. It's definitely fun to try it. I felt much, much better when my friend (who is good at crimping) had a hard time using my cables. It was like some wave of relief washed over me with the message "Not all skill issue" in the sea weeds
20. I got new shoes! Black shoes hehe. I luv them. Simple and stylish
21. It feels nice teaching my friends and classmates about electronics for the exam. Or maybe it's just an ego thing.
22. We watched the FNAF movieeeeee. To be completely honest, plot-wise, it sucks ass. However, for a fan of the series such as myself, it definitely is an enjoyable watch. It's true to the theme of being stupid but entertaining. The biggest shame in the world is that Markiplier was not in it. I am massively disappointed
That's all, umu. We have exam weeks now so it might be harder. Starting now, I'll probably be posting pics.
I hope everyone has a great year~
#3 good things#nice#exams#friendship#love#minecraft#friends#impromptu#nationals#iecep#laguna#champion#LETSGOOOOOOO#i hope everyone gets to feel what I feel (◕ᴗ◕✿)#feels nice man
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Currently going through a very rough patch. One of my parents has trigeminal neuralgia... I thought it would be gone for longer after the first wave... It's returning. They're now randomly experiencing bursts of pain just like before.
I don't want to sound like an insensitive douche that uses words like 'trauma' without a care when writing serious pieces. However, I do think I was left traumatized after the first wave. So many things happened during those times from personal life to academics to finance, most of them negative at best and depressing at worst...
Their cries still haunt me. I am easily affected by the emotions around me. I am also easily overwhelmed by emotions. Every thought of that event since then has left me feeling the same stress, anxiety, panic, and depression.
Now it's resurfaced...
Could any kind soul help me? I don't want money or gifts. Perhaps words of encouragement or, preferably, advice (especially with regards to trigeminal neuralgia, but normal advice is alright as well). I've already asked my friends for help, understanding, and companionship.
I don't know why I'm requesting this from random strangers on the Internet. I don't even know if anyone will see this post before it comes to pass. But might as well. I'd rather be labeled as an attention seeker than look back at the past and keep regretting things I didn't do.
I'll be shameless in the tags. I'm not exactly sure how this site works in terms of the algorithm tbh. I don't even know if the tags will help at all. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope you have an amazing day and that you will never have to experience this or something similar.
#medicine#trigeminal neuralgia#medical#pain#agony#trauma#advice#encouragement#love#serious#parents#parenting#doctor#stress#anxiety#depression#problem#every small sound has me on edge#brain#nerves#crying#i feel like crying#but it might trigger a reaction... im scared#random#on edge#tired#headache
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3 things I liked about today #22:
1. Played the reworked and first draft of the zombie apocalypse. Lots of issues are noticed but overall it's engaging
2. My mom bought me a cool-looking purple jacket. I'll wear it when I get the opportunity
3. My friends are supportive of me against the pain I'm currently going through.
More info on that pain in the next post
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3 things I liked about yesterday #21:
1. Met another soul that is into dark humor. I need a bit more of them in my life tbh.
2. A friend of mine managed to attend a Taylor Swift film concert or whatever those things are called. Feels good man.
3. MY TWO FRIENDS ARE FINALLY SPEAKING CASUALLYYYYY HWJSIANVXKAMZJANZGD HURRRAYYYYYY. Granted not everything is fixed, this is some, dare I say, good shit
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3 things I liked about today #20:
1. Got really good advice from a friend. She gave me suitor advice (or something similar not sure what the exact term is), life advice, and social advice (as I'm basically socially retarded). Despite her usually cold or seemingly uncaring demeanor, she's a really nice person
2. Our face-to-face classes are an absolute joy to be in after the pandemic forced us to do online classes. It's so fun seeing everyone interacting and filling the room with noise. Feels great to be participating actively
3. Successfully patted all my friends on the head before going home. Dunno why they keep letting me get away with it. I gave Alex a big hug instead, umu
Update on my 2 friends' relationship:
They're slowly speaking more and more with each other. I reminded one of them that I'll always be there to remind them that they're not apart for a reason. One of them even started to react with laughing emojis to the other's chat (in a non-insulting manner). Super happy that good progress is being made. I'm sure they'll fix their bonds eventually, umu.
I won't overstep my boundaries too much. But when I do, it will be because I fully believe that it's necessary for both of you. Sometimes, a push or nudge in the right direction is all it takes to get things rolling
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Also I forgot to add this portion:
11. I think I'm making nice progress in helping my two dear friends mend their rocky relationship. I hope these two never forget that they're staying near the other for a reason, subconscious or conscious. Sometimes, I just wanna hug you both tightly at the same time so that maybe my happiness infects you both. Or I could hug you both individually and it'll be like I'm sending the hugs to the other person.
Also more of my friends sent me cheerful messages during the 3 day period. They're nice people, umu.
Been much busier than originally anticipated and kept forgetting to do my usual posts. Anywayzz..
Things I liked about the past 2 days and today #16 - #19:
1. I have 5 new notebooks ✨✨. They all look amazing and have nice texture
2. Very motivated to win the national impromptu
3. A friend decided to ask if I was okay and if I was feeling well. She told me that she's willing to listen and be an open ear for my troubles. I was already feeling much better because of another friend, but thank you so much still! A big virtual hug to you
4. Getting some nice inspiration for a novel about a well-meaning dictator
5. I tried to dress a bit differently. Got complimented for looking good, hehehe. I luv compliments
6. Confessed how I feel towards my crush to my friends. Feels nice to get things off your chest, even if I'm not exactly hiding it. It feels nicer to just say it out loud...
7. A friend of mine agreed to wear matching shirts tomorrow (the one we got at the company we interned for)
8. Gave a dear friend a surprise hug (◕ᴗ◕✿)
9. I (allegedly) got the highest score in our section's elective exam. I got 51/70.
10. (Bonus) My advisor for the national impromptu as well as my friends told me that I'll do great. I won't let you guys down!
Bonus segment.
A crush of mine is just a beautiful soul. I hope she is graced with good fortune and happiness, always. I kind of feel sad that I'm unable to pursue her (since she already has a boyfriend). However, it's not overriding the joy her presence invites. I'm satisfied with simply not letting my time with her and my friends be wasted. Might as well enjoy everyone's presence more as my college years come to a close. Lerice if you ever do read this, just know that you're a stunningly beautiful soul. My time with you and everyone are memories that I will always hold near and dear my heart.
I hope I find a life partner myself, eventually, though. I don't want to die a sage🗿
I kind of have a bad feeling that my line of work will only have men as the workforce and I don't have much reason to believe I'm bisexual 🥲
My notebook collection ✨✨
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Been much busier than originally anticipated and kept forgetting to do my usual posts. Anywayzz..
Things I liked about the past 2 days and today #16 - #19:
1. I have 5 new notebooks ✨✨. They all look amazing and have nice texture
2. Very motivated to win the national impromptu
3. A friend decided to ask if I was okay and if I was feeling well. She told me that she's willing to listen and be an open ear for my troubles. I was already feeling much better because of another friend, but thank you so much still! A big virtual hug to you
4. Getting some nice inspiration for a novel about a well-meaning dictator
5. I tried to dress a bit differently. Got complimented for looking good, hehehe. I luv compliments
6. Confessed how I feel towards my crush to my friends. Feels nice to get things off your chest, even if I'm not exactly hiding it. It feels nicer to just say it out loud...
7. A friend of mine agreed to wear matching shirts tomorrow (the one we got at the company we interned for)
8. Gave a dear friend a surprise hug (◕ᴗ◕✿)
9. I (allegedly) got the highest score in our section's elective exam. I got 51/70.
10. (Bonus) My advisor for the national impromptu as well as my friends told me that I'll do great. I won't let you guys down!
Bonus segment.
A crush of mine is just a beautiful soul. I hope she is graced with good fortune and happiness, always. I kind of feel sad that I'm unable to pursue her (since she already has a boyfriend). However, it's not overriding the joy her presence invites. I'm satisfied with simply not letting my time with her and my friends be wasted. Might as well enjoy everyone's presence more as my college years come to a close. Lerice if you ever do read this, just know that you're a stunningly beautiful soul. My time with you and everyone are memories that I will always hold near and dear my heart.
I hope I find a life partner myself, eventually, though. I don't want to die a sage🗿
I kind of have a bad feeling that my line of work will only have men as the workforce and I don't have much reason to believe I'm bisexual 🥲
My notebook collection ✨✨
#3 good things#nice#friendship#exams#inspiration#well it's not exactly 3 good things... but that's not important#love#hugz#impromptu#wore something different#motivation#i hope that if you're reading this you'll have something super nice happen to you
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3 things I liked about yesterday #15:
1. I asked my busy friend when they'd be able to talk with me as I had something personal I wanted to share. They probably thought it was a super serious problem since they immediately told me that they'd get me coffee and they'd make time for tomorrow. Although I did clarify it wasn't something super serious, I still feel happy from the gesture.
2. My mom agreed to buy me more notebooks. All of them look cool 💝
3. Finished a draft planning for the national's impromptu. I hope I do well
Extra thing (didn't exactly happen yesterday tho):
1. Talked about my addiction to a good friend and she was very accepting. Honestly, I'm happy to have met such a wonderful person. I'll make it through.
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Things I liked about today #14:
As a note (since I will not be hiding or bottling what I feel), I feel like I'm drowning in loneliness tonight despite my joy earlier in the morning.
1. Got accepted as a participant in a national impromptu speech competition. I hope I win.
2. My crush told me that I can do it. I will certainly do my best now that a beautiful woman has encouraged me.
3. Two of my dearest friends tried to cheer me up. They're wonderful people. I attached their chats below for my reference.
Also as a bonus, we now have budget gucci at home
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3 things I liked about yesterday #13:
1. Played the Minecraft zombies modpack I cobbled together with friends. It was panic-inducing to the max and a blast to play. We need to modify it a bit more tho. I don't want cheap tricks like water buckets or pillaring upwards to be something others can do.
2. A friend of mine congratulated me for auditioning at the pageant. Means a lot to me, umu. Cath, I hope you know that you're a nice person
3. A friend asked me how I was doing. Haven't replied to her yet as I'm obsessing over the zombie apocalypse configs but thank you. You make my day just a little bit better than it would have been without 💝
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3 things I liked about today #12:
1. Volunteered for a school cleanup. Had fun with friends as we hung tarpaulins around campus
2. Ate cake and it wasn't a lie!
3. Celebrated my grandmother's birthday! Ate lots of food
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I became too busy once again.
Things I liked about the 5 days I was missing #7 to #11 (in no particular order.. just writing as it pops up in my head)
1. Friends and I had a heated argument. Managed to calm the situation down and even helped mend my friend's relationship with another friend they have beef with. I am very cool
2. Joined a pageant. I didn't get picked as a contestant but I think I did alright. I had the highest score of all the boys, a solid 95/100. However the way I 'strutted' on the runway leaves a lot to be desired. It was my first time so I'm not in the wrong. I also don't watch pageants. But when they told me to "Get everyone's attention for more points" my interpretation of that was awfully different. I now know that yelling "ATTENNTIONN!!!" like an army sergeant in a drill is not the way to "Get everyone's attention". Was definitely a lot of fun tho.
3. Had a wonderful time with my friends and we vibed while talking about random stuff.
4. Took a picture with a pretty woman (◕ᴗ◕✿)
5. Dogs captured the noisy rat that was plaguing our roof. The rat went down to get food and my dogs activated hunting mode
6. Finished the 100 items math homework that was copy and answer w/ complete solutions
7. New notebooks that look like books ✨✨
8. New notebooks smell like books✨✨
9. Friend told me they felt like playing a Minecraft Zombie Apocalypse (last time we tried, Aternos Free Server Hosting couldn't handle our pack). So, I created a lightweight zombie apocalypse modpack
10. I never had this much fun playing while simultaneously being scared shitless.
11. After our first session, we agreed that us being able to build walls were too op..... so, I made some of the zombies able to break blocks and now none of us are safe. Doesn't help that some of the zombies have lots of health and good armor and sometimes get speed boosts. It was amazing to experience
12. We made changes to the music and by the gods I swear the atmosphere is just mwah, chef's kiss. Or maybe being chased by a pack of zombies while C418's piano lofi set a low standard. Either way, mwah. The atmosphere is amazing
13. Discussed our thesis concepts with my groupmates and made significant progress
14. We had a consultation for our thesis, first experience with doing so despite having done a handful of dissertations myself.
15. Received a thank you for cheering someone up. Definitely a highlight of the past five days.
16. Wrote a short story for a friend as an example of how to use Tarot Cards for story telling. It was about a prodigy wizard stagnating, becoming depressed, finding someone they could mentor who never gave up, and them being affected by that mentality and finding the courage to save his town from a dragon.
Picture of dead rat being held attached below
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Things I liked about today #6:
1. Breezed through the exams
2. Someone dear held my hands. Albeit briefly, it still felt nice
3. Pretty clouds as I went home.
Weird thing about today:
1. A woman (or a girl couldn't discern the age properly due to a face mask) suddenly stopped moving and stared at me as I went to buy some items. As I was going back home, she did the same thing..
Here's a photo of the clouds that I saw
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