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peterprkrsbtch · 3 years

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sapphire - part 1

Peter Parker x reader

A/N: This is some type of wish fulfillment writing for me because I like to imagine becoming a hot and badass superhero when I fall asleep and I thought other people may be entertained as well :) If you enjoy it, like or reblog to share!

REMINDER: in this story, the reader gains superpowers and I do describe the appearance of her body. i hope you know every body is a superhero body and weight does not impact your beauty at all-i just needed to show how drastic the changes were!

Warnings: Swearing, fighting, attempted kidnapping, guns/violence

The sun that came beaming through your window brightly as you opened the blinds in your room immediately brought a small smile to your face. Summer had always been your favorite season. As smart as you were, a three month break from Midtown has never sounded better. Junior year had not been easy for you.

Small goosebumps appear on your arms as you shiver when the memory of that night crosses your mind.

***

You’d been walking home after your first day of school, distracted as images of the day flicker through your mind. The first day was always exciting, new classes and people. Probably why you were too distracted to notice the man creeping up behind you until he wrapped his hands around your backpack and yanked it off of your back, making you let out a yelp of surprise.

Or, he’d tried to. Unfortunately, this dumb ass criminal didn’t know how backpack straps work and when he tugged, the straps caught around your arms and yanked you off your feet, slamming your body into your attacker with a groan.

Panic immediately clouded your mind. You’d never been mugged before. You try desperately to remember anything from the self defense class you’d taken in seventh grade. The attacker seemed surprised that your bag hadn’t slid off your body and this gave you the opportunity to scream. “Help!” You shrieked. “Somebody!” It was the middle of the day in New York and yet, the street you were walking was dead empty.

“Shut the fuck up.” The man growled in your ear and you suddenly became aware of his death grip on your arm. Before you could contemplate punching him in the face or kneeing his dick, a sharp poke on your arm made you whip your head, just in time to see a needle full of glowing blue liquid being injected into your arm by the man. He hadn’t wanted your backpack at all.

The shock you felt as you watched the unfamiliar substance enter your body was amplified at the burning sensation quickly spreading from the injection site to your whole upper arm. The man lets out a harsh laugh, and you finally turn to see his face. He did not look like a homeless man. Or a thief. The sight of his groomed beard and expensive jacket made you feel like you’d been plunged in ice. What the hell was happening?

“What did you do to me?” The sound of your voice is much stronger than you expect it to be, and it helps to ease a couple of the butterflies going mental inside your stomach. At least you didn’t sound terrified. He just lets out a low laugh and begins to drag you by your backpack towards a car parked on the opposite side of the road you hadn’t noticed until now.

“You’re coming with me.”

The burning had spread to your entire left arm and was now taking over your left shoulder. If you didn’t have adrenaline coursing through your veins due to your current situation, you would’ve been doubled over with pain. You struggle against the man’s hold on your backpack as he drags you closer to the large black SUV.

Hell no. I am not getting kidnapped today. You force yourself to calm enough to quickly think of a plan. Any plan. When the man reaches the car despite your struggling, a disgusting sneer on his face, he lets go of his grip on your arm to reach for the handle, and you take your chance to head-butt him as hard as you possibly can-letting your arms slide out of the backpack as you do.

“Ow! Get back here you little bitch!” But it’s too late. In the two seconds when the man doubles over to clutch at his head, you’d snatched your backpack from the ground where he’d let it fall and sprinted down the street. You try to tell yourself that the unbearable burning sensation now settling into your chest is from running, not from whatever the fuck he’d injected you with.

***

A loud beep, beep from the clock on your bedside table snaps you out of reminiscing on your near death experience and a large smile grows on your face. Finally it was 5 p.m, the time when your mom usually went over to her boyfriend’s apartment across town. Every night, like clockwork, since you were 13.

It used to bother you, but now the silence gives you the opportunity to do what you needed to do alone. You get up and move towards your closet as you let your mind slip into your memories again as you reminisce on the events after the attack.

***

You’d run home like hell and had never been so grateful to find that your mom had left early. Within ten minutes, the burning had spread and you were left to writhe around in pain on your bed for hours. There was no let up, no break. You knew you were going to die.

Whatever the man had injected in you was breaking apart every muscle, every atom in your body so slowly that you could feel it. Eventually, your pained screams became quieter as exhaustion began to take over. This is it. I’m really going to die. My mom is going to come home and find me like this-

Before you could finish your thought, a harsh gasp involuntarily left your mouth and you launch forward to sit up. Okay, maybe I’m not going to die. You thought as the pain suddenly ceases. You slowly bring your hands up to stare at them, scared that the pain will return. Just as you’re about to let out a breath of relief, it hits you again.

And it’s so much worse. The burning sensation shoots through your body, and every broken muscle and molecule felt as though it was being bound together again. The minutes bleed together as exhaustion and pain take over your body.

***

Looking back, you still have no idea what was in the injection. All you know is what happened because of it.

***

Beep, beep.

BEEP, BEEP.

The incessant beeping of your stupid alarm wakes you from quite possibly the weirdest dream you’ve ever had. You’ve never had pain in a dream feel so vivid before, and the memory alone draws your body inwards, hugging your arms in for comfort.

Your arms. Hold on.

They didn’t feel like this last night. You glance down at your skin, the shadow of your blanket making it hard to see. You rip the covers off and storm over to your full length mirror-and all you can do is let out a gasp. I’m going crazy.

With shaking hands, you grab your phone and unlock it, scrolling until you find a mirror selfie you had taken at the pool over summer, just two weeks ago. You glance at the photo, then back up at the mirror. Then at the photo, then the mirror. Photo, mirror, photo.

A shocked laugh rips through your lips as you stare at the photo of yourself. Smooth skin and curves. A couple extra pounds of baby fat you had yet to lose, a spot or three of acne on your forehead. You weren’t an extraordinarily insecure person, but you were a teenage girl and a couple of those things had bugged you but-

Your eyes flicker up to the mirror. You run your hands along your arms. You used to describe them as flabby, but you can feel and see the toned, tight skin. You move your eyes to your boobs. Were they bigger? They definitely looked bigger.

Any “baby fat” you carried had seemingly disappeared overnight. You slowly lift your shirt and let your jaw drop, running your hands over your small waist, not missing the muscle you can feel under your skin. Your skin was perfectly clear and your hair and lashes both seemed longer and healthier.

When you were younger and more naive, you’d hoped puberty would involve waking up one morning looking like a Victoria’s Secret model. But that was stupid. Things like that don’t happen, right?

Slowly, the events of yesterday began to register in your mind. The attack, the injection, the pain. A million questions flooded your mind. The most prominent being what the actual fuck??

“Y/n? You almost ready to leave for school?” Your mom’s voice rings out into your silent room as she knocks on your bedroom door.

“Yeah, Mom! Just a couple minutes.” You call out nervously, waiting until you hear her footsteps walk away from your door. You let out a curse as you race into the bathroom, the harsh lighting illuminating even more changes to your face.

Your lips were bigger, your eyes more open, and your cheekbones and jaw more defined. Fuck. If you weren’t so worried about anyone noticing your overnight transformation, you would’ve taken more time to think about the positives of this situation.

You were always shy and quiet at school, choosing a small group of people to hang around and mostly focusing on your classes. But every teenage girl dreams of being beautiful, and now you finally were. You pull your hair up to brush your teeth and wash your face faster than you ever have before, electing to ignore the fact that you should have a nasty bruise from your head-butt yesterday.

You choose to skip makeup completely, knowing it would draw more attention to your new face. You took one last look at your body in the mirror before pulling on the baggiest sweats you owned and a loose hoodie, hoping they would mask your new curves.

You had no idea how you were supposed to hide this all year.

***

You smiled as you remember how silly you’d acted the next day. You were overly paranoid, covering your face with your hoodie as much as you could and choosing to sit alone in the library rather than at your usual table. No one questioned you, not once.

You had felt a pang of loneliness at first, knowing that no one at your school even cared enough to notice the obvious change had hurt just a bit, but it made dealing with the powers easier.

***

You’d first noticed it on the walk to school. It was barely September and the summer sun was still coming down on the city. This paired with your heavy layers of clothing and the long walk to school would normally leave you slightly breathless. As you arrived at the school feeling more energized and alive than ever, you noticed you’d gotten there in a fourth of your normal time without even trying.

You next noticed it in gym, when the daily pushups the teachers forced you all to do every year were suddenly easy. Effortless. As soon as the final bell rang, you ran home within minutes without feeling winded at all and winced as you threw your door open, nearly ripping it off it’s hinges.

Something else was definitely going on. Your appearance was not the only thing that seemed to go through an upgrade. You said a quick hello to your mom before running up to your room.

For the first time since you woke up that morning, you relaxed once your door was closed and locked. Your shoulders release as you sink to your bed, dropping your head into your hands. You try to recall anything you’ve read about people being totally changed after some sort of injection.

Your heart sinks. Captain America jumps to mind. The Winter Soldier, Wanda Maximoff and her dead brother. They’d all been injected.

You bite your lip and glance at a book sitting on your bedside table. You straighten up and thrust your hands towards the book, trying to make it move. Unsurprisingly, nothing happens. You close your eyes and breath out a small breath of relief. Ok so I’m beautiful now and have great endurance, at least I’m not a superhero. You let yourself relax slightly, your eyes still closed. Now you feel dumb for throwing your hands around like some kind of knock off Scarlet Witch.

When you open your eyes, your blood runs cold. The book is floating in front of you, a blue glow surrounding it. Slowly, you raise your, now shaking, hands again towards the book until they flash with the same blue and it launches towards you, the force of it making you rock back as you catch it in your hands.

Well. Fuck.

***

After that, you were thankful that no one had noticed anything out of the ordinary. You bite down a smile as you remember the first few months after, thinking about how much you’d changed since then.

***

You spent nearly every night for weeks studying every superhero fight video you could find on youtube and practicing the moves alone in your empty house, over and over.

It didn’t take much for you to perfect them as your new body seemed to be built for this kind of shit. Black Widow was your favorite to watch, and you made sure to spend extra time working through her signature moves, letting the flips, kicks, and punches become muscle memory.

You spent time practicing your real powers as well, though those seemed to come to you naturally. After that first delay with the book, it had almost felt like second nature to lift up the heaviest objects in your house with just a wave of the hand, but still, you practiced. Over and over and over. You quickly learned you could move people as well, namely yourself. Flying over New York in the middle of the night was something that would always leave you breathless.

Once winter settled over New York, you decided you were finally ready to try and use your abilities for good. You had near perfect control over your “magic” and you were pretty sure you’d spent more hours in the past month punching the air than sleeping.

You spent all day Sunday bent over the dusty sewing machine you dug out of a shelf in your kitchen closet. The trip to Joann’s reminded you of your mother teaching a younger you how to sew, though you two never bought yards of spandex to make a skin tight suit.

It had taken a couple minutes for you to remember how to use the machine, but you were extremely proud of the final product. You’d made a simple skin tight black suit with a zipper up the front and a mask to cover most of your face, but you figured no one could recognize you by just your mouth.

Once you finished the last hem on your face mask, you took the suit and the mask and hid them in your closet next to a pair of black combat boots. You put the dusty machine away and finally made your way into your bathroom, glancing nervously at the box on the counter.

Although you had exactly zero friends at Midtown, you had grown up with some of these kids and you couldn’t risk one of them recognizing your hair color if they saw you in your superhero suit and the box advertising temporary spray on hair color seemed to be the perfect solution.

You take the small can out of the box and spray blonde-ish highlights into your hair and brush it through until your long hair is shades lighter than your natural color and you’re happy with the results.

Your hands shook as you pulled on your suit, then your mask, and finally, the black boots. You move to your mirror and nervously give yourself a glance, only to be pleasantly surprised. You really do look like a superhero, even more so when you will your hands to glow blue with your powers.

***

That night, you learned that you had severely underestimated yourself. You thought memories of your own attack would flash before your eyes every time you knocked down a criminal, but it didn’t.

Every time you would wrap your thighs around someone’s neck to drag them to the ground you felt strong and every time the person you just saved would begin to thank you aggressively, you knew you made the right decision to help people.

You kept your guard, and your hood, up during the school days but your months of training and now your late night rescues, had caused a spike in your confidence. After a particularly hard 18 vs. 1 fight in which your zipper had gotten yanked down a bit, you just left it. It looked better like that anyway.

You wished you had someone to show the new you. You used to be so unsure of yourself, and now because of a seemingly random attack, you had the ability to help people. It definitely felt good to be doing something good.

Unfortunately, your endeavors started to become sensationalized. New York was obsessed with superheroes, you knew this. But you never thought people would start paying attention to you.

You should’ve known better. A girl with enhanced curves in a skin tight suit, flying around the city with glowing blue hands and fighting crime with her front zipper pulled down, and you thought you could remain invisible in the media too?

Luckily for you, the spotlight was cast upon another new superhero around the same time-a Spiderman. Once he entered the superhero scene just weeks after yourself, you noticed the articles you’d previously seen sexualizing you and your costume turned into articles about the two of you instead. If only those reporters knew you were 17.

You were thankful for him even though you’d never met him, and your two names “Spiderman and Sapphire” were often used in the same headlines to discuss you two newcomers.

At first you hated the nickname the media gave you simply because of the increased attention, but you learned to love it. It was nice to see people appreciating what you were doing, even though every camera that was ever pointed your way made you anxious to protect your identity.

Ever since your first winter night spent fighting crime, you’d quickly fallen into a pattern. School with your eyes glued to your desk the whole time, sweats and hoodies concealing your body, then homework until your mom leaves, then go out and help your city.

Your fighting has improved to the point that you almost prefer hand to hand combat rather than using your powers. On especially slow nights, you’ve let yourself drag out a fight with some bank robbers or kidnappers just to entertain yourself.

It was your escape. In your suit, with your face covered and your hair thick with the lightening spray, was the only time you felt like yourself. Really yourself.

But you had a plan to change that. As easy as it had been to lay low throughout the last year at school, you’d had enough. You wanted more. So you had a plan. A new body and face overnight is impossible, but over three months? Totally plausible.

You were excited for three months with nothing to do but go out as Sapphire, and you knew these few months were going to be the calm before the storm if you really decided to go back to Midtown as the new you.

God, enough with the reminiscing. You told yourself, but you do allow yourself to feel pride at how much you��d matured from your first day of school this year to your last as you tug on your familiar suit and mask.

***

You glance down at the buildings beneath you, eyes silently scanning every dark alley and corner for trouble. Your hands glow blue as you fly yourself gracefully through the sky. Suddenly, loud sirens and screams sound from beneath you and you look down to see 8 large men climbing into a bank as they smashed the windows.

You quickly fly yourself down and through the hole behind the men as they point guns towards the only two people in the bank, a janitor and a man you assume is the manager. “Give us the fucking money.” One of the men growls and the others laugh menacingly at their friend’s threat.

The manager notices you standing behind the men and his eyes widen, causing the men to start to turn towards you. You grab the gun out of one of their hands using your powers and smirk at the oh, shit look on their faces. Before you can make a move to knock the man nearest you off his feet, a web snaps through the broken window and snatches the gun from his hands before you can blink.

Spiderman comes swinging through the opening, landing gracefully. “What’s going on here, fellas?” He asks, and you can’t help but smirk at the sound of his voice. The two of you seemed to live similar lives, and yet this was your first time meeting him.

The white eyes of his mask flicker from the men, frozen with fear, towards you, and his eyes grow with recognition and maybe shock? Hard to tell with the mask. He opens his mouth to say something else, but one of the men still holding guns raises it and fires towards Spiderman without a second of hesitation.

You raise your hand quickly, stopping the bullet in mid-air and everyone around you stares at the bullet suspended in mid-air, your glowing blue hand outstretched, almost as if you were catching it. Spiderman’s eyes widen even more. “Holy shit.”

You smile to yourself and clench your hand into a fist, letting the bullet crumble to the ground in dust. “Nice try.” You say to the man. “But you’re getting on my nerves.” You turn towards the 8 men in front of you, 5 still holding guns. You move your hand to face the men, and with a sweeping motion, the 5 guns are yanked from their hands to suspend far above their heads, where they couldn’t reach.

You can’t help a small laugh as one of the men tries to jump up and grab it. You turn towards Spiderman who’s standing there with his mouth wide open. “Sorry if I stole your moment.” You say genuinely. You had no doubt that he could’ve taken care of this himself, but you had gotten here first.

“Are you kidding?” He nearly squeaked. “That was amazing, oh my god! I can’t believe we haven’t met until now.” Your cheeks blaze slightly under your mask from his praise, you’ve never had a superhero compliment you before. You adjust your focus back to the men quickly, who seem to be thinking of a way to run.

Your eyes meet Spidey’s again. “You wanna web ‘em up?” He nods excitedly, his eyes finally breaking from yours as he jumps into action. As impressed as he was by you, you couldn’t help but watch in awe as he swings around the room and with a thwick, he webs all of the men together in a cocoon, hanging upside down from the chandelier of the bank ceiling.

He swings himself one last time to land next to you again. “Cool.” You say before you can even realize your mouth is open. “I mean, you’re not too bad yourself.” He bows his head a bit, seeming shy even though it was a half-compliment to cover up your embarrassment.

“Sorry to bust in on your fight,” He says, glancing around the room towards the two terrified employees staring at the two of you in shock. “Not a lot happening tonight, and I didn’t know you were here.”

“Ugh, I know.” You agree. “Not to complain about less crime, but our jobs have been a little bit too easy this past week.” His mask crinkles as he smiles.

“We could...work together sometime if you wanted too, of course.” He says nervously, nearly stuttering on his words. “It’s just, you’re really good and you seem really cool and I-”

You interrupt his word vomit. “Of course I want to! I’ve been wondering when we would meet.” His eyes move from staring at the eye holes in your mask down to your lips when you smile. “How’s tomorrow?”

“How’s right now?” You don’t think your smile can get wider. “One sec.” He holds up a finger before quickly running over to the two bank workers, who thank you both over and over and then they both hugged him. You were wrong, your smile grows and remains goofy and big as he runs back over to you. “Let’s go.”

That night you found out that your view of the city is 100 times better when you can also see a red and blue suit swinging from building to building out of the corner of your eye.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #avengers #marvel #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #peter parker fanfiction

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 7 (part 1)

Just to clarify, the only thing I didn’t like abt this ep is tohru, the rest is so good. kyo’s mental state is at its lowest & you can feel for him! ugh!, surprisingly akito’s own lid was so well-done!, Ren & shigure were epicly disgusting & fascinating!, kureno was so well-written, the final scene of tohru & kyo rightfully setting for the climax! Before moving on to the good part, I’ll quickly go over why torhu’s character was once again the most inconsistent character in the show:

Ep,6 ending showed us a completely broken kyo in full display in front of tohru, best furuba cliff hanger to date hands down, followup: tohru laughing, cooking & wondering if kyo is asleep!!!. Complete detachment & extreme insensitivity to what she witnessed earlier. Not an ounce of wonder if kyo is okay or if sth is wrong with him. Not a single inner thought of “ I hope he’s okay” or “ oh momiji don’t call him, He’s a bit tired” while flashbaking to his traumatized face. Honestly, all they needed to do was a small quick inner thought to connect the scenes. No need to write new scenes. Alas, Tohru’s complete lack of compassion struck me deep. I was told ep6 ending was an anime original scene, I don’t mind any diversion from the original since I don’t know the it, but those writers who wrote a complete new scene didn’t feel the need to transition from it to the rest of the manga? really? It’s hard to believe.

Choosing the kitchen’s happy scene after of kyo’s nightmare is not bad as it shows that nobody either care or know abt his issues, fair enough. However, choosing the kitchen’s happy scene after the PTSD in tohru’s own bedroom & not modifying tohru’s happy go lucky, let’s cook yay face to a realistic concerned expression is absurd! It really takes plenty from tohru as a character. This comes after tohru’s long awaited background ep which returns tohru back to square one.

Just last ep, tohru opened her lid in front of kyo & he comforted her, While she still yet to overcome her fears, she failed miserably in doing the only thing that she’s been doing since se01, ep1, being compassionate & thoughtful. Oh well, adding a light scene in the midst of kyo & akito’s dark sequence is more important than tohru’s character consistency & growth.

moving on from tohru~~~

-Kyo’s suffocation: (guilty or not, it doesn’t matter)

we get kyo’s nightmare really gave me chills & was visually well-done. it brilliantly conveyed the feeling of suffocation, blinding fear, & intensified trauma. The nightmare’s horror vividly showcases kyo’s deepest insecurities & trauma:

It started with his mother’s “ it’s not your fault” sth kyo craved to hear from her very badly. Yet, it contradicted her action: Choosing death over staying with him.

His mother brings salvation: the cat’s cage. The cat’s room parallel’s kyo’s real life at his parents house. In se01, eo24, kyo said, he wasn’t allowed to play outside or watch TV, while his bracelet ”handcuffs” were routinely checked by his mom. Just like a prison. His mom sentenced him in the new prison fitting for more horrible sins. The cat’s cage for the rest of his life.

While kyo looks panicked & horrified but on the verge to refuse, kyoko appears. “I won’t forgive you” solidifying his mom’s judgement.

They both warn him of the consequences of living & be forgiven: tohru’s death. Go on, kyo. Add one more victim to suffer in your behalf while you roam free. You might think that you can escape the cat’s cage but your hands remain dirty with blood. Others might not see the blood on yoyr hands, but YOU do.

Kyo is torn between being an actual sinner or a victim, between causing intentional harm or unintentional hurt, between being guilty or not. It all doesn’t matter & kyo knows it. What matter is the punishment has been going for years now & he’s tired, broken, lost & just wants it all to end. Death. Slow death in a tiny cage is so fitting for all the pain he caused others, for all the pain he suffered.

Kyo knows (a) suffering in front of tohru is hurting her. (b) Accepting her love will lead to hurting her: confessing of kyoko’s death. (c) Abandoning her is hurting her. (d) kyo knows that he doesn’t deserve her, not after he caused all this pain. (e) Above all, kyo can’t live with himself anymore. being close to her hurt so much.

-Akito’s lid: ( broken home & broken self image):

I must say they did an excellent job of presenting akito’s past! (a) It was a mixture of narration through (shigure & Ren), (b) actual animation of her parents causing her pain & traumatizing her (the scenes of Akira’s last words, her mom’s accusations), (c) Actual animation of the origin of her parents (Ren & Akira’s relationship), (d) akito herself confessing abt her pain in front of kureno. Tohru’s own lid on the other hands was presented through (a) excessive narrative with minimum animation (the grandpa’s endless exposition of tohru’s background quickly wrapped up), (b) no real animation of kyoko actually hurting tohru or how she did it, just again the grandpa narrating that kyoko “went away”. (c) tohru’s own self recall of her past being cut into pieces & divided throughout the ep, once after running from shigure & another in the sheet scene. Tohru’s ep wasn’t bad at all, it was good, but it was evidently shortened & summarized lazily. Oh well. What both eps serve is painting tohru & akito as foils of each other:

Both are attached toxicly to their parent. Tohru: kyoko & Akito: akira.

Both were welling to create a fake persona or an image that keeps this toxic love alive & cling to it no matter what.

Both hurt themselves the most & are struggling to let go of this bond.

Both have parents that hurt them. Akito: ren & tohru: kyoko, altho it is not clear how kyoko hurt tohru but kyoko is more a ghost than a real character.

Both cling to a dead object that represent their deceased parent. Tohru & the photo frame & akito & the box.

Kyoko existed to be this perfect mother with no sins, the character that tohru embodied to “fix” & “ heal all broken kids”. She lives only in memories. Even other characters think of her as this holy being. It is alluded Kyo seemed to know her as a real person who can commit mistakes, therefore, to kyo, kyoko isn’t an angel or a holy being. However, thanks to their encounter at her death & her “ I won’t forgive you” words, kyoko now is a haunting ghost to kyo. Akira on the other hand, existed as this sickly, pale & fragile head of the house, treated with so much aura & holiness. He died but his sins remain in how he raised akito.

Both must let go of their toxic bonds. Tohru of her deep attachment to her mom & akito to the zodiacs.

Both must learn to form healthier relationships.

However, there are striking differences between them! tohru never abused anyone nor attempted murdering someone by throwing’ em from a terrace, or locking them & torment them or stabbing them with a knife!! Tohru’s sin is torturing herself which by consequence tortured kyo, too. Cuz there’s is a theme of a loved-one’s pain is mine as well. Kyo’s mom hurt her own self & ended her own life. This resulted in her son’s years of immense pain, trauma & self-loath & similar suicidal tendencies, se0, ep16 “ I’ will yuki & then kill myself”, & se02, e9 “ mother, if only you killed me instead”. tragic.

Side Notes:

I will say this with a broken heart....... Tohru must learn to let go of.... kyo. She is suffocating him. Not on purpose. I want them to be together! so bad! they’re so perfect for each other, but also, right now is NOT the time for this. Kyo & tohru’s character issues is NOT abt romance. They have real traumatic issues that are hindering their growth as independent characters. Tohru’s growth might not be well-written or well-presented, but kyo’s growth is still not explored. Next ep is where his lid opened! it must be painful. A person suffering from extreme self-loath & suicidal tendencies shouldn’t be presented so lightly in favor for the love cures all fairy tale! PLZ! NO!

Tohru must learn to not repeat her mistake again & live only for one person. She must let go of kyo in order to gain kyo back. Right now, She can’t have him! kyo is suffocated by his own trauma & adding tohru’s guilt on top of it is devastating. I mean, This could go differently & kyo might accept her love on the spot, & tohru might save him again or sth. I can see this being going deeper or shallower depending on the desired theme. Which of furuba’s heavy themes will be given to climax?

why is momiji doing a rabbit burger? he’s not cursed anymore. I know he’s keeping it a secret, but I thought momiji’s whole growth was abt letting go of the past. he still identifies with the zodiac rabbit?

Ren is hella sexy! & her Japanese VA deserves an Oscar! The way she expresses sexiness, seductive, anger, hate, contempt, sarcasm, delusional screaming, pain! EPIC!

“I thought I was created to receive others contempt” ugh! this hurt, kyo.

Shigure’s line abt looking at Ren to fantasize how akito will look if she were allowed to be a woman, ewww!!!! hella disgusting! imagine sleeping wth someone & fantasizing abt her daughter or vise versa!

Honestly, this ep while not excusing akito’s crimes & abuse of others, it did paint her in a human light. I really don’t want her to end up with shigure. Akito’s whole life is abt misunderstood love. Give her time to discover herself. A guy who slept with her mom is never a reasonable partner even if he loves her for eternity. but oh well~

Shigure indirectly caused Isuzu’s near death abuse by Akito. all in his attempts to free akito from the curse. I love how disgustingly selfish he is. I remember his “ you mom told you to not interfere, kagura” in se03, ep3. shudder!!! if hiro never met haru that day & confessed to him, if kureno never noticed the maid! Still, he went & visited isuzu after her 4 moths imprisonment in the cat’s cage her hospitals discharge & recovery!

ngl... Shigure & Ren’s sexual tension is the biggest in furuba. Eww!

I’ll talk abt kureno & akito more in part 2. but I felt nothing watching kureno get stabbed lol. this is due to the trailer spoiling it & the ED having him happily in love -_-’. bummer!.

I love tohru & kyo’s outfit in the ep cliff hanger. lol. Tohru really dressed up to confess.

Tohru read the room! Even if you magically forgotten how sickly & out of it he was in your room earlier, remember this: Kyo always have bad mood in the rain! Then again... he did hug her for the first time & called her by her name in the midst of a rainy storm. se01, e024. >_<!

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #part 1 #sleepy paper

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swearingintengwar · 3 years

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@sortinghatchats: Bokurano Edition

It’s no secret that I’m more or less obsessed with Bokurano, and that I absolutely love @sortinghatchats‘s work. So, finally, I’m going to combine the two and sort the fifteen pilots! I’m using @wisteria-lodge‘s animal terminology and including both burnt and exploded houses. There’s probably mistakes in here since I’m a very new sorter, so don’t expect the work of a veteran here. I’m just doing this because I love sorting and Bokurano’s a good show. Also, there will be SPOILERS under the readmore, as well as the usual content warnings for Bokurano: a lot of child death, plus brief mentions of rape, suicide, and familial abuse. (Let me know if I missed something!)

It’s no secret that Takashi Waku is a Lion secondary. He’s a shounen protagonist. ‘Nuff said. His primary is a little harder to pin down - for a while I was torn between Badger and Lion, but I’m going to go with Badger. While there’s some traces of a glory hound Lion’s “this is gonna be awesome” attitude in him, on the whole he’s driven by the Badger thought process of “the world needs a savior, and, well, I’m the one with the fucknormous robot”.

Masaru Kodama is as exploded Bird primary as they come. He’s organized his life around a strict and unhealthy set of principles, survival of the fittest taken to an extreme, and his wealthy, sheltered upbringing gave him the echo chamber characteristic of exploded Birds. Within the confines of that system, though, he’s a Snake secondary who lives by his whims. Stealing Kokopelli’s glasses, being an ass to the neighborhood cats, going on a rampage through the city - he does things because he feels like it.

Isao Kako’s houses are a perfect storm of tragedy. He’s a very young Bird primary, still working out his system and looking for guidance anywhere he can find it. Even if it’s obviously bad guidance like Dung Beetle’s suggestion to go rape Chizu, he’ll listen to it. The boy’s about to die. His world’s been turned upside down. He’ll grab on to any anchor he can find at this point. His exploded Lion secondary turns those ill-advised ideas into equally ill-advised actions that he throws himself into utterly - Chizu had to kill him to get him off her back.

Speaking of Chizuru Honda, I’m usually not the best at spotting models, but she’s definitely got one. Specifically, she’s a Snake primary modeling exploded Lion. She’s obsessed with a cause - namely, kicking Hatagai’s ass - but not for its own sake. She rages against him because he hurt someone she loves. While she thought their affair was between the two of them, she was willing to forgive him, but when he dragged her sister into it, that was the last straw. Her secondary’s hard to pin down, but I’m guessing a burnt Bird. As a young child, she seemed to appreciate knowledge, but at the time of the series, Hatagai’s betrayal has ripped out her moorings, and she’ll do whatever it takes to make him regret his actions.

Daichi Yamura is also a Snake primary, though if he has a model I can’t see it. More than anything else, Daichi loves his family, and would do anything for them. His secondary seems to be Badger. He’s hardworking, diligent, and finds fulfillment as a provider for his siblings.

Mako Nakarai was easy to pin down as a Badger secondary. She’s studious and hardworking, and loves to work with her hands - all classic Badger secondary traits. Her primary was harder for me to figure out, but Snake seems likely, since deep down she just wants to be loved.

Kunihiko Moji is yet another Snake Badger. He’s devoted to his childhood friends, who are like family to the orphan boy, and he’s very big on the principle that friends should be able to rely on each other. Add his dutiful and reliable personality and he’s a textbook example of his sort.

Maki Ano is definitely a loyalist primary, and I’m leaning towards Badger. She loves her family, she loves her friends, she loves pretty much everyone except Jun (whose treatment of Kana infuriates her) and Dung Beetle (who’s… Dung Beetle). What really solidified her as a Badger primary for me, though, was the very end of her battle, where she opens up the enemy robot’s cockpit, acknowledging the humanity of the people she’s about to kill. Secondary-wise, she has the boisterous determination of a Lion.

Yousuke Kirie was hard for me to figure out, but in hindsight, it seems pretty obvious that he’s a Snake primary who’s just starting to explode. His family is everything to him, and while he’s not outright hostile to others, even friendly (if a bit reserved) towards the other pilots, he’s more than willing to sit idly by while the universe is destroyed if he doesn’t like the way it’s been treating his mom. I ended up having to guess his secondary, but I’ve got a hunch he’s a Bird.

Aiko Tokosumi had me stumped for quite a while, but I think she’s a double Lion. The scene where she lashes out at Yoko for her betrayal gives me Lion primary vibes. Her secondary’s a little easier to pin down as Lion - she exhorts and inspires, drawing on an indomitable Leonine spirit to lift up the ones she loves. She sings, she encourages her friends, she talks her mom out of a mental breakdown. If Lion is the shounen protagonist secondary, Anko’s got the motivational speeches down pat.

Takami Komoda is a pretty clear Bird secondary - proper, patient, doing things the “right” way. I struggled with her primary for a while, but given the sheer amount of strength she draws from her father’s love, I’m thinking Snake. (Bokurano seems to have a lot of Snake primaries whose circles are their families!)

I didn’t get a very good handle on Kanji Yoshikawa, but the sheer amount of scheming he does points me towards a Bird secondary. I’m even less sure of his primary, but that gives me Bird vibes too.

Yoko Machi is so badly burnt I struggled with her sorting for a while, but I eventually pinned down her primary as burnt Lion. Yoko’s a seeker of justice forced into a fundamentally unjust role, and when she comes clean, her Leonine code of honor shines through. (Killing your own brother in retribution for his transgressions would normally point me towards exploded Lion, but let’s be real here, Dung Beetle deserved it.) Her secondary, however, is burnt beyond recognition. With how much she’s suffered, and how little time passed between her redemption and her death, there’s not really much to go on here.

Jun Ushiro-Tanaka. He’s probably my favorite pilot, but more to the point, he’s a textbook burnt Snake primary, an asshole because he doesn’t know what else to be. In the later part of the show he gradually unburns, first taking a few tentative steps outside his little circle of one when he visits Kirie, and ultimately letting his family and Yoko into his heart shortly before his death, until he finally gives his life without hesitation for the sister he once abused. I had trouble with his secondary at first, but I’ve pinned it down as a burnt Badger. For most of the show he’s pretty listless, but when he’s healing in the last days of his life, the thing he does that stuck out to me most was helping Kana and her friends build a treehouse. Helping others. Working with his hands. Badger things.

I think the onion ninjas are lurking around here somewhere.

Finally, Kana Ushiro is, like her brother, an unhealthy loyalist primary, but she’s the opposite unhealthy loyalist primary to him, an exploded Badger. Could the girl with the martyr complex the size of about three Zearths be anything else? She also shares Jun’s Badger secondary, but hers is healthier. She’s comfortable in the domestic role she’s taken on, patiently caring for her brother no matter how strained their relationship may be, and in the epilogue she tenderly cradles a wounded bird as she comforts the Yamura siblings, showing them that their lost brother was a true hero.

#sortinghatchats #bokurano #this is my magnum opus

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puddygeeks · 4 years

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Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 44: Oᴜᴛsɪᴅᴇ Iɴᴛᴇʀғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Forty-Four

Most of the next week passed studying Trigedasleng with Octavia and although I tried my best, I couldn’t help the feeling that I wasn’t absorbing anything. I returned to Bellamy every evening with a blaring headache and although he was exhausted by his responsibilities with the guard, he could somehow still find the energy to draw me into the comfort of his body. There was never any conversation about my residence in camp and we didn’t discuss finding a place for me with the others in dorms. Instead, we simply fell into a routine that seemed natural and his continued company provided a comfort that I depended on.

This morning Bellamy was summoned to a meeting with Kane and I dressed for another mentally draining day of training with Octavia. I strolled across the courtyard on route to the dorms to check on Jasper, as I did every few days. From the moment that I stepped into this small wing of the dorms and found Monty sitting in an obvious state of stress, I knew that something was wrong. Monty gazed up at me with tired eyes and I felt my stomach twist with anxiety.

“Hey, I was going to check on Jasper but it looks like you could do with some TLC right now.” I explained as I inspected him with concern and he released a long sigh.

“It’s not really the best time to visit him, I’m pretty sure he’s asleep.” Monty commented in a drained tone and I hummed in response to allow him the chance to get his feelings off his chest. “He was pretty frantic last night so I slipped him a sleeping pill. I don’t know what else to do for him, he’s just not getting any better.” Monty breathed with a clear exasperation and I shuffled on my seat. I could easily recognise the strain of the situation in his tense posture and my heart ached for him.

“He’s been through a lot. Mount Weather was traumatic for us all.” I stated in a non committal attempt at comfort that only seemed to come across as disingenuous. Monty nodded with a distant expression and I attempted to find something helpful to say. “Plus he lost Maya right at the end of it. Grief is a long process, it’ll take time.” I advised as I met his eyes with a gentle, supportive smile and he leaned forward to position his elbows on his knees.

“You were out of bed by now.” He declared in a quiet voice as he spoke toward the ground, avoiding my reaction and I shrugged in response.

“I had suspicions that my only remaining family were in danger. I only left that room because I needed to investigate, you can’t compare the situations. I know it’s difficult Monty. I can’t imagine how hard it is to just watch him going through this, but all we can do is keep being there for him.” I clarified in an effort to guide him away from expecting to hit the same milestones as my experience and he nodded guiltily at me. “You had it pretty rough in there too, cut yourself some slack. How are you adjusting?” I investigated as I carefully examined him. He stared thoughtfully into the distance and I found myself wondering if anyone else had thought to check on him.

“It’s not easy.” He started and I held my hands out to gesture for him to elaborate. It was important to me that he was given a chance to receive support too; he was often so busy offering wisdom to everyone else that I doubted anyone considered his needs. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to be out of there and back with our own people. It’s just that...well it’s not quite the same as before, is it? We lost people, they lost people. It’s not just our little camp anymore. There’s all these rules and procedures and now we’re just the kids again, as if we didn’t just spend months fighting for our lives.” He ranted with a gradually building frustration behind his words and I remained silent as I listened attentively.

“And now, my best friend is completely broken and I can’t fix him. You know, the only time he speaks to me at the moment is to remind me that I helped to kill those people. He’s right, I did have a part in that and I have to live with that, which is hard enough already without the constant guilt trips. It’s exhausting, dealing with his behaviour and covering for him so that he doesn’t get in trouble for laying there being a fucking vegetable.” He spat and although I was surprised by his outburst, I maintained my calm exterior as he had done countless times for me. “Sorry Indie, I didn’t mean to say all of that. You’ve got your own shit to deal with.” He grumbled sheepishly and I released a gentle chuckle.

“It’s okay, you clearly needed it.” I remarked with an air of amusement. It was strange to see Monty depart from his wise, calm exterior, even if only temporarily. “Feel better?” I asked and as he nodded, I noticed that his shoulders dropped some of their tension. “Now, what can I do to help? It’s not right for you to deal with him alone. We’re a family, we do this together.” I offered in a determined manner as he sighed thoughtfully.

“I really don’t know if there’s anything you can do.” He mumbled and I waited patiently whilst he visibly considered it. “Some of the other council members are getting frustrated with his absence in mechanical, they’re low on volunteers. I’m doing what I can to fill in for him but there’s only so many shifts I can work. I just need to get him active again.” He spoke in a jumbled up manner that indicated that he was still thinking aloud and I smiled fondly at him.

“Well, I can’t make him better any faster, but I’ve been restricted to light duties. I could cover his shifts for you. I’m not quite at Jasper’s level of brainiac but if you can find someone to teach me the basics, I’ll take the grunt jobs. Can’t be as hard as you smart asses make it look.” I teased as I elbowed him playfully and I felt a pang of sadness when I wasn’t able to encourage a smile from him in return.

“I can’t ask you to do that Indie.” Monty mumbled as he avoided my gaze and his face contorted into a guilty grimace that seemed completely out of place on him. I couldn’t stand the thought that he would rather suffer through so much alone than ask for help and so I leaned down to meet his eyes.

“You’re not asking me to do anything. Jasper is family, I’m happy to help him however I can.” I asserted. “Besides, what else am I busy with?” I argued and his tired eyes finally raised to meet mine with a relieved smile.

“I know a guy who owes me a favour… if you really don’t mind, I can ask him to mentor you.” He conceded and I nodded keenly in response. “But I’m not letting you take all of Jasper’s shifts. You’ve done enough for this camp already, I want you to take some time to take care of yourself.” He clarified in a firm voice and I laughed lightly at his protectiveness.

“I will if you do.” I offered with a raised brow and he shrugged in defeat.

By the time I had survived my intense lesson with Octavia, I was ready to collapse. Now that Abby had declared me as fit for light exercise, we’d moved onto basic prep for combat training. Octavia was reluctant to fully spar with me, despite my insistence that I was feeling healthier and instead led me through simple footwork and postures. Regardless, it was unexpectedly tiring after months of allowing my body to deteriorate and I had to admit defeat earlier than usual. I returned to Bellamy’s quarters for a fresh set of clothes after working up a sweat in my first outfit. I was surprised when he wandered inside and it was clear from his reaction that he hadn’t expected to find me here. There was a nervousness in his demeanour as he viewed me which caused my stomach to flip with anticipation.

“You’re back early, I thought you’d be busy with Octavia for a while yet.” He stated as he met my gaze with an expression as if he’d been caught in the act and I could feel nerves building in my chest as I considered numerous situations that could be causing his unusual behaviour.

“Short lesson today. How was your meeting?” I asked as I cocked a brow at him suspiciously and he cleared his throat. I noticed that he shifted on the spot and rubbed at the back of his neck, which were his telltale signs of avoidance. He dragged his eyes back from the floor with an obvious reluctance and sighed deeply in a defeated manner.

“Kane’s sending the guard out for a patrol. He wants me to lead the training group.” He revealed with a hesitance in his tone that revealed he was expecting a negative reaction and I felt my posture stiffen despite my best efforts to contain it.

“When?” I hoped that if I kept my responses short that I could veil the intense anxiety I felt at this idea but my voice broke as the word left my lips and I cursed myself inwardly.

“This afternoon.” He confirmed and I felt my heart jump into my throat. I stared back at him with wide eyes as I tried to gulp down my concern and he stepped closer with a reassuring smile. “It’s only a simple scan of the area. He wants us to start mapping out our surroundings so we can set up regular patrols. We shouldn’t be gone for long.” He explained as I battled to suppress the fear that threatened to overwhelm me.

“Okay.” I breathed with a forced tone of calm. Despite the crushing anxiety that I felt, I understood that I couldn’t hold him in camp all of the time and that if I desired for life to return to normal, I had to trust him to remain safe. I felt nauseous as I reminded myself that I couldn’t suffocate him and concentrated on controlling my nerves. “I get it, makes sense. Please be safe.” I answered with a forced smile and he gently reached out to put a hand on my arm to stabilise me.

“I’ll be okay.” He asserted and I nodded nervously. “Will you?” He asked with his brows furrowing in concern. I knew that he was reluctant to leave me alone and smiled at his care.

“I’ll manage. Monty’s gonna fix me up with some shifts in mechanical, he needs help filling in for Jasper whilst he’s...well, you know. So I’ll focus on arranging that.” I explained with an awkward shrug and I noticed a hint of guilt in Bellamy’s face at the mention of Jasper’s condition.

“Sounds good. I didn’t realise that was a skill of yours.” He winked playfully and I pushed him as I scoffed. He sighed thoughtfully and his smile faded before he spoke again. “He needs to get out of bed eventually. Maybe having a role will help him. I could add him to the guard training group?” He suggested and I hummed in consideration.

“I don’t think he’s ready for that right now.” I muttered with a remorseful expression. “It’s a good thought for the future though. He’s always been brave, protecting camp might bring some of that back.” I agreed and he nodded back.

“I’ve gotta round up the troops. I’ll be careful, you make sure you do the same whilst I’m gone.” He stated as he took my face in his hands and stared into my eyes with intensity.

“Don’t take any risks out there Bel. I don’t care what Kane says, you come back safe.” I whispered and he smiled fondly before bringing his lips to mine in a lingering kiss. My hands found his arms to cling to and I subconsciously held him in place. It was only a simple outing, I acknowledged that I was being unreasonable but the anxiety bubbled in my chest regardless.

***

The moment that Bellamy left to prepare for the mission, I sought out Monty in an effort to occupy my mind and was stunned to discover that he was dressed in guard uniform. I couldn’t prevent my worry from flooding into my face as I scanned him and when he met my eyes, he smiled encouragingly.

“You’re going too?” I asked in a small, nervous voice and he nodded in confirmation. “Bellamy didn’t mention that you were part of his group.” I stated with sadness dripping from my words as he zipped up his guard jacket and I gulped at the crest glinting proudly on his chest.

“Yeah, Miller and Harper too. It’ll be good to get out on missions again, I’m starting to feel like a hermit.” He smiled genuinely and I recalled his words from this morning. It seemed that he needed this post more than I had initially realised and I tried not to allow my nerves to dampen his enthusiasm.

“Sounds like they took the full Mount Weather fighter crew. I’m glad you’ll have those two to watch your back.” I smiled as I spoke in an effort to conceal my feelings and strained to force my voice into a higher pitch. “Any chance you could set me up with this contact of yours before you head out? I could do with the distraction whilst you’re all gone.” I added in a forced casual tone and he shrugged.

“Thought you might. I’ve already prepared Knox that you might show up and he confirmed there is a shift this afternoon if you want it. Raven’s going to keep an eye on Jasper whilst I’m gone so you don’t have to worry about that either.” He informed and I smiled at how well prepared he was for my anxiety. “We��ll be alright, Indie. Bellamy will keep us safe and I’ll keep an eye on him for you.” He winked and I felt my eyes well up slightly with appreciation.

“Maybe you should keep an eye on Harper whilst you’re out there.” I teased, earning a playful slap on the arm.

***

The mechanical unit was bustling upon my arrival and it was difficult to seek out my new mentor with only a name. After wandering aimlessly for a while, I was approached by a young looking man with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He waved awkwardly as he neared and it was clear that he was a skittish personality.

“Hey, you must be Knox?” I addressed him with an uncertain expression which earned a nervous smile when he reached me.

“Indigo?” He asked and I nodded in confirmation. “Monty’s told me a lot about you. Come on, I’ll show you our work room.” He explained quietly and I followed as he shuffled through the halls. We arrived in an area of the unit that appeared to be an old hangar and he led me to a corner that was separated by rows of shelves containing numerous boxes of supplies, surrounding a large workbench. “This is our new office. I’ve gotta ask, how much experience have you got with these kinda tasks? Were you on Mecha?” He enquired with a friendly interest in his smile and I shrugged.

“No, actually I grew up on Arrow station, sector B.” I revealed and noticed that he hummed in understanding as his expression became sympathetic. Everyone knew that Sector B was badly maintained and practically falling apart. The only families who resided there were those of little importance and stature. It was equal only with the sector that Bellamy and Octavia grew up in and I had often considered whether our shared understanding of the struggles of growing up under that kind of strain was the foundation for our bonds. “But it was just my mother and I, so most of the fixing things were down to me. So I guess you could say...some limited experience, but a ton of enthusiasm?” I clarified with a light tone and he chuckled under his breath.

“Well, enthusiasm always helps. Let’s get started on some basics.” He remarked as he led me to the workbench.

I spent the rest of the afternoon working on simple, repetitive tasks with Knox, who gradually opened up to me with my continued persuasion. He revealed that he had grown up on Agro station with Monty and Jasper and as a result he knew the two of them well. Their time on Earth had changed them substantially from how he remembered them, but he still considered them friends and, like me, he wished to help Jasper however he could.

By the time that it became dark outside the guard group still hadn’t returned and I found myself growing restless. I was relieved to finish the shift and hurried to the boys quarters to investigate whether Raven had heard anything from them. When I entered their dorm, she seemed exhausted and barely managed to confirm that there had been no word from the group between Jasper’s manic outbursts in the background. She sighed in exasperation as she explained that she hadn’t expected to be on babysitting duty for this long and I offered to take her place until Monty and the others returned. She practically snapped my hand off in enthusiasm at this offer and bolted from the space, leaving me alone with Jasper. I pulled up a chair to sit nearby as he paced the room in an anxious state and watched him with sympathetic eyes.

“What can I do to help you Jasper?” I spoke in a gentle voice in fear of startling him and he halted in place as he turned to view me with wide eyes.

“Nothing!” He hissed with an outraged expression and I held my position firmly against his aggression. “You can’t take the pain away, no one can. How am I supposed to carry on after what happened?” He rambled as he resumed pacing and tugged at the roots of his hair obsessively.

“I don’t know, I don’t have the answers for you. Did you think any more about your new focus?” I suggested in a calm tone and he scoffed at me scornfully.

“I can’t think about it. I can’t think about anything other than Maya’s face as she died in my arms. Don’t you remember what it’s like? Or have you forgotten now that you have your precious Bellamy back?” He spat in an accusing tone and I felt my back straighten defensively. Monty had mentioned he could be a handful but I was surprised by the extent.

“I won’t ever forget how that felt or how lucky I am to be in the situation that I am now. I understand how you feel Jasper, I know that you’re hurting and I’m trying to help you.” I appealed to him gently and was shocked when he viewed me with a disdain that made my stomach twist.

“You want to help me? I doubt you can even concentrate with Bellamy still out of camp. I know how one track minded you are when it comes to him. How can you even think about helping me when you’re sitting here pining over your boyfriend who gave the order to kill all of those people. He’s a fucking murderer!” Jasper’s voice gradually raised from a spiteful hiss into furious yelling and I was stunned at his behaviour. I had hardly ever seen him so much as raise his voice before and although I understood that he was grieving, I didn’t recognise the person standing in front of me.

“In case you’ve forgotten, so am I! I was when I arrived and I’ve lost track of how many people I’ve killed since then.” I reminded him with a firm voice and watched his temper finally begin to calm at my words. “We’ve all done things since we arrived here that we would never have imagined ourselves doing. The cost of survival has been high and some people in particular have had to make decisions which are way outside of their experience. Bellamy, Clarke, all of the leadership have done the best they can in impossible situations, I would expect you to understand that better after the responsibility you had in Mount Weather. You don’t have to agree with their choice, but it’s done now. Grieving or not, you do not get to punish them for it forever Jasper. Your feelings don’t give you a free pass to be a dick and that goes especially for your treatment of Monty.” I advised and fixed him with a stern look as he became sheepish under my scrutiny. “You want to be angry with someone? Be angry with me, I can take it. But you need to stop pushing everyone else away. We all care about you, let us help.” As I finished speaking, I witnessed his face crumble to upset and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

“It just...it hurts all the time. How do I make it stop?” He struggled to get the words out between the frantic sobs that wracked his chest and I rushed forward to pull him into a tight embrace. He surrendered himself into my grip as I placed a hand on the back of his head and could easily feel a few small sections where he’d already pulled hair out in his stress.

“I know my darling, I know. I wish I could make it stop for you.” I whispered as I rubbed his back calmingly and waited for him to compose himself. By the time he leaned out of my grip, I had lost track of how long he had cried into my shoulder and I noticed that he immediately returned to tugging at his roots in a gesture of stress. I gently took his hand in mine and encouraged it away from his nervous habit. “You need to stop doing that, you’ll have no hair left soon.” I smiled tenderly at him as he dried his eyes.

“I’m sick of it, it’s driving me insane. I need a change. I was thinking about shaving it off.” He mumbled and as he met my eyes I struggled to contain my horror at this idea. “I...I know you said you wanted to help me, I can’t do it myself. I have the graders already. Could you...do you mind doing it for me?” He requested with an evident vulnerability in his voice and I felt dread forming in my stomach. I truly wanted to assist him in any way that I could, but this felt like such a betrayal to the young, naive Jasper, who I still remembered pushing back his scruffy mane with a dorky set of goggles. The memory of his smiling, hopeful face caused my heart to ache as I looked into his eyes which revealed the same lifeless void that mine had shown only weeks ago.

“If it will help you, of course.” I agreed as I forced a smile and noticed visible signs of surprise in his face. “It’s just hair right, it grows back.” I commented and he sighed with relief. Once I had witnessed his response, I became certain in my decision and set everything up for the task.

A wave of nerves crashed over me as I sat with Jasper on the floor between my knees and the graders in my hand. I took the last opportunity to run my fingers through his slightly patchy, scruffy locks to commit them to memory before I carefully ran the contraption through and watched the first clump of hair drop to the ground. Jasper’s shoulders relaxed as if the hair itself was a weight lifted and I clenched my jaw in an effort to contain the tears that filled my eyes. I couldn’t explain why this felt so significant a change, but as I worked through all of the hair, it felt as if I was letting go of all of the people we’d once been. My mind reflected on the changes in all of us in our time here, the suffering and hardship that we’d all had to endure and a bitterness that I had denied until now surged in my chest.

When I finished, Jasper stood to shake off the remaining hair and strode straight to a mirror to check my work. I sniffed back the tears and ensured that my calm facade was still in place. There was a hint of a smile in the corner of his lips when he returned to me and I treasured the feeling that I’d managed to restore it. He sat opposite me wordlessly and I glanced up at a clock to check the time. It was getting late and my stomach churned with anxiety as I considered what could have happened to the missing group. I turned my gaze back to Jasper with a sigh.

“Well, looks like I’ll be sleeping here, if you don’t mind. I’ll go crazy waiting by myself.” I admitted in an effort to conceal the fact that I was too afraid to leave him unsupervised and he nodded. “Not that I’ll be doing much sleeping.” I added in a small voice as I wrung my hands together nervously and Jasper rose to his feet to cross the room.

“Ah, I have a solution to that particular problem.” He announced as he rooted around in the cupboards before he appeared gripping a familiar bottle. “Monty’s private stash. Join me?”

Hours passed in the quiet room as Jasper and I sipped on moonshine and I obsessively stared at a walkie talkie that Raven had stolen for me. The group were still using the homemade set from our old camp and Jasper pointed out that they were only for short range use. I tried to comfort myself with the assurance that they were simply of our range and didn’t allow my mind to obsess over the fact that they hadn’t planned to travel far. Jasper fell asleep in a stressed heap and I was left with the remainder of the bottle, which had succeeded in making me tired as I intended, but was not enough to help me sleep off my terror. Eventually, I must have collapsed from a mixture of exhaustion and intoxication as I was overwhelmingly haunted by nightmares.

“Arkadia, this is Squad Blake. We’re almost back at camp, prepare to open the gates.” I woke with a start when the radio crackled and I stared at it with a rush of adrenaline. I felt my stomach flip at the sound of Bellamy’s voice through the tinny speaker and leapt to my feet.

I darted from the room and out into the courtyard at the exact moment that the gates and the group were dragging themselves inside. Some of them were supporting each other to walk and they all appeared to have had a gruelling time outside. My gaze anxiously flitted over the team as they filtered inside and I was pleased to witness Harper and Miller seeming relatively unharmed. When Monty appeared I started to power walk toward the gate and as Bellamy finally shuffled inside at the back of the team, I broke into a jog.

I threw myself into his arms before he’d even registered my arrival and knocked him back in surprise. There were several chuckles from the group behind me but I ignored them as I squeezed Bellamy and he embraced me in return. After a few moments of reassurance I stepped back only to seize Monty in a similarly oppressive bear hug and he snorted in laughter at my display of affection. I extracted myself from the hug to view them both with exasperation.

“Where were you? You said you weren’t going to be long!” I grilled as Monty shifted awkwardly out of my gaze and Bellamy simply flashed a guilty smile.

“I’m sorry for scaring you Love. Things didn’t go to plan.” He stated in a light tone as he tucked his hands into his pockets and I scoffed in frustration.

“No shit, longest night of my life.” I commented firmly causing a chuckle from him, before I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the unsteady form of his posture. “Looks like it was long for you too. Are you alright?” I asked in a softer voice as I scanned him closely for any signs of injury.

“It’s been rough, but I’m fine. Better now I’m back with you.” He remarked with a sneaky wink and I smiled fondly at him. “I’ve gotta debrief with Kane and will have to make sure all the equipment gets returned properly. Meet me in my room after?” He requested as he squeezed my arm affectionately and I could no longer hold my air of annoyance in the face of his sparkling smile.

“Sure, but I’m not sure when I’ll be free. I’ve got another session with Octavia and I need to check with Knox when my next shift is.” I thought aloud as I noticed some of the others were getting rather impatient as they waited for him. “I’ll be there tonight, definitely.” I confirmed as I stepped away but before I could get far he grabbed my arm to pull me back to him.

“Wait a second, who’s Knox?” He enquired with a brow cocked at me in suspicion and I was surprised by the firmness of his grip.

“He’s a friend of Monty’s from the Ark, he’s mentoring me so I can get up to speed with covering for Jasper.” I explained casually and I noticed that Bellamy seemed displeased with this information. There was a darkness in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before and I was thrown off guard by how quickly his attitude had changed.

“Wait, you started that already? I thought Monty was teaching you?” He grilled as he examined me closely and I shifted awkwardly under his scrutiny. I couldn’t understand why he was behaving this way over something that I had been honest with him about and that was completely innocent in nature.

“No, I said Monty was going to arrange the shifts for me.” I clarified as he furrowed his brows at me in disapproval, as if I had intentionally given him incorrect information. “Why are you being weird? I told you about this and you agreed it was a good idea.” I recalled in a defensive tone as I crossed my arms at him and he scoffed in disbelief.

“Yeah, well, that was before I knew it was some random guy you were working with.” He stated in exasperation and I could tell from his body language that he was genuinely riled by this discovery. “I didn’t realise you’d be busy with him whilst I was missing.” He added bitterly as he avoided meeting my eyes and I raised my brows at him.

“Oh come on! That was a low blow, okay. I needed the distraction. Also, he’s basically a kid-”

“Bellamy! Are you coming?!” Miller called out, interrupting me mid-flow and I growled in annoyance.

“I’ll see you later.” He groaned as he reluctantly tore himself away from me and I was left to simmer in my temper.

I was glad for my session with Octavia this morning, as it allowed me to burn off some of the stress. Now that we had progressed to basic combat, Lincoln joined in with the instructing. My time with the two of them mostly consisted of me trying to attack, whilst they demonstrated how much faster they were and I found every possible way of face-planting the ground. It was a struggle to keep going after the heavy exhaustion of the night, but the well of anger in my mind kept me fuelled.

By midday when we broke off, Octavia praised me for my grit and revealed that the determination to always get back up was a vital part of being a grounder. This was an amusing discovery for me, as stubbornness had never been a praised part of my personality in the past and I was pleased that my lack of regard for when the odds were too stacked against me was finally beneficial.

When I arrived at mechanical, Knox confirmed that Monty was due to cover the afternoon shift for Jasper but hadn’t turned up. I calculated that he was likely either still being briefed, or had completely forgotten about it after the strain of the night and volunteered to work in his place. Knox and I set up in our assigned corner and although I felt completely tapped from my morning activities, I fought to keep focused on the mind numbing tasks that I was assigned. I could feel the pounding of a headache creeping in, despite the very light hangover and I realised as nausea struck that I hadn’t managed to eat anything. Knox wandered closer to hand me a bottle of water with a knowing look and I smiled thankfully before taking a long drink.

“Rough night?” He stated with an understanding smile and I deduced that he had likely been worried for Monty too.

“The roughest in a while and that’s saying something. Lots of people I care for in that guard group.” I confirmed and he nodded back with a sympathetic expression.

“It’s been hard for you guys down here, huh?” He mumbled and avoided my gaze as he spoke. I knew that things hadn’t been easy on the Ark either, but until now I hadn’t considered what it was like for those loved ones of the 100 who weren’t privileged enough to hear the communications. Sure, Jaha let the camp radio their families once, but in the weeks before that they had no idea whether we’d survived the landing and most were likely still unaware of the hardships that we’d endured since. “Monty and Jasper are so different, I guess you all must be.” He added under his breath and I sighed thoughtfully.

“It’s been touch and go for all of us from the start.” I stated as I reflected on the chaos of our first camp and realised that there was no way we would ever be able to simplify those times into a summary for the others that would adequately convey the strain of the experiences. “Literally from day one where I watched Jasper get speared through the chest.” I muttered thoughtlessly and Knox’s eyes grew wide. “Yeah, welcome to Earth, right.” I sighed as I tried to think of a way to explain our hardened personalities.

“I could sit here and tell you every little thing that happened at our old camp, but it still wouldn’t put you in the same head space as the boys. We struggled for every basic need, almost starved or froze to death more times than I could count. People died, kids died and we couldn’t stop it. Everyone in that camp went through trauma and the only reason that we survived was because of our bonds. We grew together and became what we had to, but underneath that, we’re still the same people. Whatever relationship you had with the boys before, they haven’t forgotten it.” I reassured and he seemed taken aback by my honesty. He got to his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat.

“I didn’t get a chance to eat this morning, I’m gonna grab some food. Do you need anything?” He asked with a concerned expression and I groaned with relief.

“God, yes.”

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eskalations · 4 years

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Never did he think he would see the day when he would scrap the image of his wife in a tiny miniskirt from his mind for another more appealing picture – but, perspectives change.

FFN Link

(Day 4 "Crackle" - Royai Week 2020)

A/N: So I struggled with the Day 4 Prompt "Crackle". Instead of writing a long fic about Roy burning Riza's back, I decided to do a shorter one where Roy simply stares at Riza and his child and realizes how lucky he is. I needed some fluff in my life after reading and writing so much angst this week, so I hope you enjoy it! The Royai Child referenced in this fic is the same one from my Day 3 fic, so go read it if you want some more Royai family time!

Thanks for reading!

Roy Mustang never thought the sharp crackle of fire would ever become soothing to him. After how much destruction he had caused with the use of the element, he felt as though it was doomed to always be evil in his eyes.

But perspectives are always changing and his most certainly had.

As he sat, lounging on the couch in his living room, eyes staring at the flames in the hearth – he couldn't deny the gentle warmth the fire provided. He could not remember a time in his life where he had been more content. It was as though the horrific years of the past had never happened and that his current reality was the only one he had ever known.

He had exactly two people to thank for that.

Riza sat in a chair near the fireplace, cradling a mass of soft pink blankets close to her chest. From his spot on the couch, Roy could see a pair of delicate, pale hands fisting against the skin of her mother. If he listened hard enough, he could even hear the soft sighs of a newborn as she suckled gently at her mother's breast.

Roy was certain Riza had never looked more beautiful than she did in motherhood. Ever since their daughter had been born a month ago, the retired sniper's skin had taken on a dewy glow that made her look absolutely angelic to her husband. Even with the dark circles residing in the space under her eyes, she had never looked healthier or happier.

And don't even get him started on the clothes – oh, the clothes!

Never did he think he would see the day when he would scrap the image of his wife in a tiny miniskirt from his mind for another more appealing picture – but, once again, his perspective had changed.

Now as a nursing mother, the First Lady of Amestris had taken to wearing either long, flowing cotton dresses or button down blouses with pleated skirts on the bottom. The sight was so sinfully feminine – not that Riza hadn't been feminine before – but with a child in her arms and her hair swept up to keep out of reach, she looked the absolute picture of a maternal goddess.

Roy had found, ever since the start of her pregnancy, he couldn't keep his hands or his eyes off her. Everyone always talked about how strong a mother's hormones were when they were carrying a baby, but no one said anything about the effect it had on the father. Just the knowledge that this woman had brought his child into the world had endeared her to him even more than he thought was possible.

He never imagined that his favorite part of the day would be this time spent in the family room of his small family home, doing absolutely nothing but enjoying the company of his girls. Roy Mustang was a 'do-er', he needed to be doing something – but he had found that since the birth of his daughter, he was more than content to just sit staring at her and enjoying the warmth of the fire.

Though he knew Riza could sense his eyes on her, she never looked up from their child's face, amber eyes roving over the planes of her cheeks as though she were trying to take a mental picture of their daughter.

"It's not polite to stare."

Ah, so she did know he was watching her.

Despite the dryness of her tone, Roy couldn't hold back the goofy grin that found its way to his features. "I am simply admiring my wife and child – what's so rude about that?"

At his answer, Riza's lips turned up into a soft smile, her eyes still never leaving the baby as she continued to nurse. Roy was glad that his two bodyguards always insisted on remaining in the halls when they were watching him in his home. He couldn't imagine a life where he was not allowed to be privy to such an intimate scene.

The small sounds coming from Elizabeth slowed down and he could see her fisted hands fall as she finished her meal. When her tiny mouth released her mother's breast, Riza pushed the neckline of her dress back up and reached over the side of the chair for a burping towel.

Roy couldn't believe how much of a natural she looked like at this. When she had been pregnant, she had been so scared that she wouldn't be an adequate mother. Even while they were in the hospital after Elizabeth's birth, Riza had voiced concerns on whether or not she was doing things right as the nurses bustled about and reassured her that she was doing just fine.

Just a month ago, she had held Elizabeth with shaking hands up to her chest in fear that she wasn't going to feed her correctly. However, once the newborn had latched on that first time, Riza's world had been turned upside down. She came to cherish the moments in which she would get to nurse her daughter, recognizing them as a chance at closeness that only mothers were blessed to get.

Riza was placing the burping towel over her shoulder when she was stopped by Roy.

"Can I do it?"

She couldn't say no to such an earnest request. Nursing was her special time with Elizabeth and burping was usually Roy's. Though most men would see the rearing of children as primarily a woman's job, Roy was adamant that he be as involved as possible in Elizabeth's care. His steadfast determination to become the best father possible reminded her fondly of Maes Hughes. They were both absolutely whipped for their daughters.

Without a word, Riza passed the burping cloth over to her husband before standing from her chair and crossing the room. Once she was sat next to Roy, she handed over the precious bundle that was resting in the crook of her arm.

Roy handled his daughter with the type of reverence that you would expect from a man worshipping a deity. His scarred hands were placed – in a very textbook fashion – exactly where they needed to be as he rested the baby's stomach against his shoulder and placed her head close to his neck.

He made quite an amusing sight in his expensive button down and pressed black pants, sporting a very pink burping cloth across his shoulder. However, much like Roy's growing admiration for her, Riza could not deny that she had never considered her husband more attractive than right now.

Watching him as he gently patted the back of their daughter – not nearly forceful enough for her, but so typical of him – the new mother smiled warmly and thanked all her lucky stars that she had been given this moment in time, even if she didn't truly deserve it.

Roy whispered soft words to the baby as he worked, though they were too quiet for his wife to hear. She imagined it had something to do with an apology for having to beat her back and that he just needed her to burp so that he could stop, but her guess was as good as anyone else's. The Fuhrer was seen as a very intimidating figure amongst his generals – however, here in their home, he was really just the silly man that had showed up on Riza's doorstep all those years ago.

The fire crackled on as she regarded father and daughter, one word coming to mind as she took in the scene – contentment.

It was absolute contentment.

#royaiweek20 #royai #roy mustang #riza hawkeye #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #royai fic #royai fanfic #royai fanfiction #fma fic #fma fanfic #fma fanfiction #royai child #post-canon

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ifbrd · 4 years

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Since the old villains in Word Up have been reformed, mind sharing what happened to them and how they turned their lives around? Do they play any part in Word Up?

Okay, so this time I was smart and decided to type this out in a word document!

Long post warning!

Before getting into each individual villain (or most villains, there’s just so dang many of them! I’m sure I’ll forget someone!) I want to talk about them as a whole.

All of them are reformed, and Tobey was basically the start of it all. He inspired several other villains, who inspired others, and over the years they all slowly gave up villain life. The last ones to quit (either BLHG and Invisi-Bill or Rhyme and Reason or both) did so after WordGirl retired from being a hero, because “everyone else did it and it’s not going to be any fun without WordGirl!”

After a few villains went good, Tobey and Dr. Two Brains co-founded the Anti-Villain Association (AVA), which was designed to be a place where villains, or even just minor criminals, who wanted to go good could go to discuss their struggles and experiences with switching sides (it’s kinda like a villain AA meeting). I don’t have many plans for each individual villain to play a major part in the story, again because there’s so many that would have been hard, but the AVA does play a part and so, by extension, the villains do play a bit of a role. However, I think most of this will go to Two Brains since he’s the co-founder and the other co-founder will be busy with all the other plans I have for him XD.

Many of their old weapons have been discarded, but also many of them are still around. For some, it’s to use in case of emergency (like a break-in), others have found other uses for their weapons (you better believe Chuck uses his condiment ray to make sandwiches!) others just couldn’t bear to destroy them (Tobey still has some surviving robots that were designed to crush the city, they’re happily living deep deep deep in the woods because Tobey didn’t feel right about destroying them for no reason), and some weapons are more difficult to destroy (like Mr. Big’s mind control, I’ll go into that a little more when I talk about him.)

Very few of them had kids, for a couple of reasons. 1. Many were too busy trying to turn their lives around to make a family life a priority 2. Many didn’t think they’d make good parents given their criminal history 3. There’s like 30 something villains and I wasn’t about to create children for each of them that’s just so many characters I would have had to make from scratch and I already had Theo, Julie, Emma, and Daisy, not to mention the new villains I had to make and I wanted everyone to have a little bit of depth so yeah… The ones who did have kids (and I might forget someone so sorry in advance if I did) are Tobey (obviously), Victoria, the unnamed henchman of Dr. Two Brains and The Butcher

Now let's get into them individually. Many of them I don’t have the story (at least not yet, if I get time I may start brainstorming that) of why they retired as villains, but for almost all of them I have ideas on what they’re up to now because I thought that was a little more important.

Dr. Two Brains- Was the second villain to retire. He saw Tobey doing such a great job and realized he missed that life for himself and said, “well if that little shit can do it, so can I!” He knew he could ignore the mouse brain’s evil desires, as long as he could fulfill its cheese desires, so his first step was to find a legal way to get a lot of cheese. So, he and his henchman started making cheese! And because Two Brains couldn’t wait, he decided to make a cheese aging ray. Suddenly he was able to produce quite a bit of cheese in record time. And actually, could make more than he could eat. He started selling his cheese and now is the main source of cheese in the city! The company slogan is “Evilly delicious!” And I was thinking about this today at work and realized he’s probably made a lot of money from this because with the aging process completely cut, he can probably charge less, but there’s something called “perceived value” where people think if something is super cheap then there must be something wrong with it, so you want to shoot a little higher when pricing products, so Two Brains probably has to have his cheese priced higher than he needs, so he probably has a pretty decent turn over rate! Anyway! As mentioned above, his unnamed henchman had a daughter, who Two Brains considers a granddaughter. She is aware of her interesting family’s criminal history and accepts it. She loves cheese but she’s not a fan of helping in the cheese-making process.

Chuck and the Butcher- (their stories are so linked it just made more sense to talk about them together) Were the third and fourth villains to go good and did so pretty much at the same time, for similar reasons, those reasons being “this isn’t fun anymore, I’m not getting anywhere with it, and look at what a great job Tobey and Two Brains are doing!” After retiring they partnered up and started a sandwich food truck, which today is a full-blown restaurant. Chuck does most of the sandwich making, but Butcher helps and he’s the meat supplier (guess where they get their cheese from!). I mentioned that the Butcher had a child. He has one son named Kale and a grandson named Baker. His son and grandson have powers like him, with Kale’s being vegetable related and Baker’s being bread-related (bread, not pastries! Important note! However, Baker does like to bake pastries, he’s about eight BTW). Kale and Butcher’s relationship will have a bit of focus in Word Up, and Kale will be a reoccurring character. Kale is very prideful and independent and will do just about anything for Baker. Kale is aware of his dad’s criminal past, Baker probably is aware too, but IDK maybe not. Chuck being close to the Butcher is naturally close with his family. Besides that, he still spends a lot of time with his mom and Brent, who he has a bit of a healthier relationship with now.

Granny May- The fifth villain to retire, and she basically just retired. She basically said “well I’m done! This is getting old and so am I!” She’s still alive, currently having the honor of being the oldest person in the city and is living in an assisted living facility. She’s pretty “together” mentally (how I describe residents at the assisted living facility I work at who haven’t been taken over by dementia yet). She uses a scooter now but carries a cane with her. Why? To whack people who need to have some sense knocked into them of course! Other AVA members are happy to pick her up for their weekly meetings and drive her back home, despite her claims that she could still drive fine “if they would let me!” (don’t let this woman go behind the wheel anymore, don’t listen to her!)

Mr. Big and Leslie- Mr. Big was inspired by the villains before him turning their lives around and claiming to be much happier. He tried this and struggled a lot. He eventually realized his issue was greed, it was too strong for him. So, he gave everything up, he gave his company to Leslie and basically became a minimalist hippie (again, my love for irony shines through!...also I thought the idea of Big being a hippie was HILARIOUS). Leslie has run the company ethically ever since. Today it’s essentially Amazon with morals. Mr. Big and Leslie are friends and talk all the time. Their mind control tech is still around, the reason I’ve decided is that some of the later tech was so powerful that destroying it might unintentionally send out a mind control signal. I’m open to better suggestions; I just need the mind control tech to still exist and be something someone could steal…hint hint….

Ms. Question- Eventually got a job as an interrogator for the police station! She’s the best interrogator there is! She doesn’t typically use her powers on people to get them to confess, usually, they just break from the mass amount of questions she asks, but in more extreme circumstances she is willing to use her powers.

Learnerer- Like Ms. Question, Learnerer found a better gig with the police force. He’s the city’s detective, and rocks at it with all his “learninging” skills. He looks for clues and learns how criminals commit crimes and uses that information to catch criminals in the act and stop them. He often works with Ms. Question.

Amazing Rope Guy- Actually got decent at rope tricks and is an entertainer now! I won’t say he’s incredible, but he’s alright! The other AVA members often hire him for entertainment events (he’s been to several of Theo’s birthday parties and Theo has politely asked his parents to not do that anymore, so now they’re gonna hire him for Julie’s parties) more to support him than because of his skills

Whammer- is a professional demolisher. You need an old building torn down? Call the Whammer! You need to gut the kitchen of a house you’re flipping? Call the Whammer! Need to clear an area of land for a project? Call the Whammer! Need snow off the street so people can get home? Call the Whammer. He loves his job

Lady Redundant Woman- She kept moving up in her job at the copy place, and eventually had learned to do every position there. With this knowledge and skills, she opened up her own copy place where she and her copies are the sole employees. Turns out your business can make a lot of money when you can have the exact right amount of employees at all times and don’t technically have to pay them because they’re technically you!

Hal Hardbargin- Sold his villain inventions and blueprints to the police station so they could have a better understanding of how certain villain gadgets work and therefore how to stop them. Also has made a few honest weapons for some heroes

Seymore- Hosts a self-made YouTube (or YouTube-like website) show called “Can You Spot the Scam?” where he helps innocent citizens learn how to spot scams

Big Left Hand Guy and Invisi-Bill-I never could think of what they’d be up to, so I decided they are still trying to figure out what they should do next. (because my favorite thing when I have a writing problem is to take advantage of it and turn it into a plot point! …something I did with a very important plot point in Word Up that will be revealed in Return to Fair City)

Rhyme and Reason- again I don’t have too much an idea of what they’re up too, but I like to think they are a QPR because I like platonic partnerships!

I talked about Victoria and Eileen here Thanks for the question! Feel free to ask more!

#Wordgirl

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chemicallyimbalanced-shadowling · 5 years

Text

A “little” life update and some resolutions

I just wanna update you all “real quick” before I go to bed:

I’ve been feeling really good this week. Almost suspiciously good, but I’m running with it. Here’s a few things that have been going on :)

About a week and a half ago I got my nails done for the first time in an attempt to get rid of my awful nail biting habit, but not only is it helping with that but it also makes me feel SO much better about myself somehow. Like, I didn’t know how much just getting my nails done and loving them could make me feel this confident all of a sudden.

I had probably the best Christmas in a long time. Over the weekend before Christmas I was nervous for my family parties as always but they went really well and I talked to people more than I usually do and actually had a great time. I worked on Christmas Eve but it wasn’t even that bad despite the rude customers that inevitably come in. Then I stayed up really late and I got up early as hell as per usual for my family on Christmas (my little sister is 16 and a half and they still wake everyone up at the crack of dawn lmao). I was up at 7am, went down and opened presents with my family. All of which were really great, but it’s not the presents that matter. I then went to my best friend Faith’s family Christmas party at her grandma’s for the third (or fourth??? Probably actually) year in a row and almost cried because they gave several presents and included me in the impromptu family pictures they decided to do. When Fae and her lovely new boyfriend we’re taking me and Fae’s brother and sibling home we blasted music and sang loud and honestly I had a moment where I wanted to cry because I was so fucking happy. I couldn’t stop thinking about how just a few months ago Fae was in another state in an abusive relationship and now she’s home safe and happy. And how just a few months ago I was struggling with losing a friend and feeling betrayed and used and so sad. And now? I feel like I know who’s got my back and who deserves for me to care about them. Then I went home and spent more time with my family. I even got to help my mom go back to her house to give our puppy his first Christmas present and it was so precious. He went from being a late Christmas present for my sister last year to being part of the family and getting his own present. When we went back to her house at the end of the night he was so happy to see everyone home (and to see me too, since I live with my dad Beaux always goes nuts when I come over and he gets to have his entire family in one spot, he always misses me so much and it’s precious) he ran around the room and cuddled with each person for a minute then switched people for like five minutes before laying down on my mama. Once again I wanted to cry I was so happy.

The day after Christmas, mama and I picked up my best friend to go “look at all the after Christmas sales”. I had to lie to Fae for the first time in our entire friendship; we’d been planning for two weeks to take her shopping as a surprise. She lost most of her belongings to her ex boyfriend when they were together. He either broke shit, ripped shit when he hurt her, stole shit, etc., and she came back with only one small bag of clothes. We took her straight to Rue 21 and told her to pick out anything and everything she wanted, and she cried. Mama used her Rue bucks to save $60 and bought every single thing Fae picked out and wouldn’t let us sort through any of it once we knew what fit and what she wanted. My heart feels so full. I love that girl more than anything in the whole world honestly.

I worked today with my favorite manager and honestly it once again wasn’t that bad. I made a little boy smile when I gave him a balloon and for real that warmed my heart and made my day. Then I went shopping and used my Christmas money form grampa to buy some new clothes. I also found out my best friend Lynsey went into labor with her second lil baby, so I took her and her momma some food in the hospital for her to eat after she gave birth. She had the baby a few hours ago, a healthy baby girl, and I get to visit her tomorrow morning to bring her a couple little gifts and maybe meet the lil bean. I’m so excited.

I always say this and I know everyone else does too, but 2019 is going to be a great year. I’m speaking it into existence now. I’m sure it will still be a struggle, of course. I need to get my license and figure out whether or not I’m dorming at the main campus of my college when I move up in the fall or if I can commute. If I dorm, I’ll need to get a new job. General stuff. But I’m going to get my associates at the beginning of the summer. Finally. And I’m so happy. Then I can continue to work on my bachelor’s. Yes I’m behind in school but I got this. I’m going to start strong with school and stay there. I’m going to never miss a counseling appointment unless I really need to and I’m going to make the appointments mean more and really work on my mental health. I’m going to purge my dresser of all the stuff I never wear and slowly accumulate more new clothes that I really feel good in. I’m going to clean my room and get rid of or donate anything I don’t need anymore.

2019 is the year I’m going to work on self care, self improvement, and self love. I’m going to be healthier both physically and mentally and that starts with loving myself and becoming more confident. I’m going to take care of me and mine. I got my family and my best friends, I know who has my back now and I’m not putting up with anyone who wants to waste my time or use me. I’m going to work in loving myself by myself instead of wishing I had a partner, and whatever happens happens. I’m going to get into the dentist and fix my fucking teeth that have been fucked up (I have so many cavities it’s awful so we’ll see how that goes), I’m going to get back on birth control so I stop feeling like garbage all the time, and I’m going to go to the doctor to figure out why I’ve been getting migraines. I need to get a skincare routine together because I’m so dry and I’m breaking out like crazy. And I need to fix my sleep schedule (yikes it’s almost 1:30am speaking of sleep schedules lmao). I got this. It’s gonna be hard but I gotta keep reminding myself that I got this.

Sorry this was so long! But I also wanted to say, I’m so thankful for all of you. Every one of you, whether we talk or not, makes me so happy. This fandom means so much to me and I honestly don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t been introduced to it. You all are so lovely and I love you SO much. I’m going to try to start making more and more content whenever I can, so I’ll keep you posted!

I hope everyone has a wonderful new year 💜

@themagicianfox @theresneverenoughfandoms @the-incedible-sulk @canadian-crofters @jynxlovesluck

#not ts #personal #happy holidays #merry christmas #happy new year

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freshwater--mermaid · 5 years

Text

Ersatz Ch 30: The Draw

Jazz concealed her nerves behind a confident smile as she stood beside Casper High's principal. She held a stack of papers to her chest, careful not to bend or wrinkle a single page.

The double doors to the school opened, and Jazz's head whipped up, only to be surprised by the sight of her brother stepping into the hall. He also looked confused as he walked toward the pair.

"Jazz? What are you doing here so early?" he asked.

"We're here to greet the new counselor." Jazz answered. "And what are you doing here? School won't start for another forty minutes."

"I like the quiet." Danny shrugged, as though that answer made all the sense in the world.

With that, the shorter teen walked past them, disappearing around a corner. Jazz stared after him, before the sound of the doors opening a second time called her attention.

A tall woman came into view, a pair of small oval glasses perched on the end of her nose. Bright eyes landed on the two immediately, and a smile broke out across her pale face.

She strode forward with sure steps, holding a hand out for the principal to shake.

"Ms Ishiyama, is it? So wonderful to meet you." she said.

And then her sharp gaze settled upon Jazz, and the girl tried not be intimidated.

"And you are?" she asked, inclining her head toward Jazz.

"Jasmine Fenton." the girl replied. "I was the volunteer counselor. I have some notes I'd like to give you, if that's alright. They're on all the students I was seeing, and I thought it might be helpful if I gave you them. You know, since I don't really need them anymore."

Jazz inhaled a deep breath, and mentally berated herself. She'd just met the woman and already she was running off at the mouth.

Lips sealed tight, Jazz watched Ms Spectra as she gave a small polite laugh.

"Yes, I was told about you. I'm impressed that a girl of your age took such initiative and managed to reach out to so many fellow students."

Jazz beamed at the compliment, trailing after the adults as Principal Ishiyama talked about the school. They soon arrived at the counselor's office, and the principal opened the door, gesturing inside.

"And this will be your new office." she said. "I hope you don't feel too overwhelmed by the number of students that you'll be seeing. With the recent tragedy, well…"

"I completely understand." Spectra assured with a sympathetic look. "And don't worry, I'm sure I won't have a single problem."

Her confident expression and cheery tone were infectious, and it had Jazz feeling equal parts happy and envious.

"Well, I'll leave you to it, then. Your first appointment won't be for another hour, so feel free to walk about the school or re-arrange your office as you see fit." Ishiyama said, giving one last smile before leaving the two alone.

Spectra entered her office, and Jazz stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching as she stood before her desk, looking down at the various objects resting upon it. She tapped a sharp nail against the tiny egg timer with a smile.

"Um, Ms Spectra?" Jazz spoke up, stepping fully into the room.

"Oh, Jasmine, I apologise." the woman turned toward her. "I forgot you were there. You can leave the papers on my desk and I'll see to them."

She pointed a long finger at the desk, turning away and standing in the centre of the room, gazing out the small window.

Jazz set the stack down, but didn't leave. Instead, she slowly walked over to Spectra, gaining her attention once more.

"Actually, I also wanted to talk to you about something." Jazz began.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." Spectra held up a hand. "But I'm afraid you'll have to wait for your scheduled meeting with me like everyone else."

"Wha-no! I'm not talking about that!" Jazz protested, feeling her face warm. "I wanted to talk to you about my brother, Danny. He's the one you'll be seeing later today."

"I see." was all she got from Spectra.

"He's probably going to be your most difficult student. And I'm not just saying that as his sister. He's got a lot of issues going on right now that he just won't open up about. He's been extremely anxious lately, and I'm afraid he might be suffering from depression. There's also a lot of animosity from him toward our parents, and well, really anyone. Do you…know of any way I can get him to open up? I've tried just about everything I can think of and nothing seems to work."

If Jazz was hoping for sage advice from an expert, she was to be disappointed.

Spectra merely smiled at her, fingers lacing together as she spoke in a placating tone.

"Jasmine, I want you to not worry so much over your brother. Know that I plan on doing my utmost best to help him through whatever trials he is enduring. I think it'd be much healthier for you if you were to take a step back and focus on your own anxieties."

Jazz started, mouth snapping shut. She didn't know how to react to that statement, and Spectra took the silence as an end to the conversation. With a skip in her step, she left the office and began touring down the hall.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

Danny stood leaning against a wall, mind adrift as he enjoyed the silence. He'd walked up to the second floor and down several halls until the annoying echoes of everyone talking could no longer be heard. He really wasn't looking forward to his appointment with the new shrink, and wondered just how much trouble he'd land himself in if he skipped out on it.

A sudden, familiar sensation overcame the teen, and he opened his eyes to look up and down the long hall. He felt his mood sour as the realisation came upon him slowly. A ghost was nearby, and it was getting closer.

Remembering the two octo-ghosts, Danny stood in the middle of the hall, trying to prepare himself for another chase. What he got instead was a body colliding into his own.

Danny groaned as he slowly sat up, his vision clearing. He realised that he'd ended up in an unused classroom, upturned chairs scattered around him.

A low chuckle caused him to look up, and he could see a glowing green blob smiling down at him. It was much larger than the misshapen ghosts Danny normally saw, and he swallowed back a lump of fear that tried to catch in his throat.

"Well, look what we have here." the ghost jeered. "Some little nerd haunting a school. How original."

He laughed, giving Danny a good view of his razor-edged teeth.

'Yep. This is going to be a bad day.'

With a gleefully cruel expression, the ghost dove right for him. Danny rolled out of the way, rising onto his knees. He channeled energy into his hands, but the other ghost was faster. He grabbed hold of Danny, lifting him up with ease and throwing him across the room. He slammed hard into a wall before landing in a heap. Dazed, Danny struggled to rise.

No chance. His attacker was upon him at once, catching him by a leg and dragging him across the floor. He felt his body collide with several objects, his hands scrabbling against the floor for anything he could take hold of.

'This is it.' a voice within him said. 'You're about to get eaten by a giant green blob.'

Unable to tell what was happening anymore, Danny squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself for sharp, piercing teeth. But they never came.

In fact, as seconds ticked by, Danny slowly realised that he wasn't being thrown around anymore. He opened his eyes and looked about, but saw only the dark room surrounding him. He was alone.

"What…" he choked out, shakily rising to his feet.

His body throbbed all over, and he ran a hand down his torn shirt, looking for signs of injury. He was relieved to note no bite marks, but this only furthered his confusion. Just what exactly had that ghost been after?

The door bursting open caused him to jump. Lancer and two other teachers stood outside the doorway, peering in at him with faces that held varying degrees of worry and anger.

"Mr Fenton!" Lancer strode into the room, looking ready to spit fire. "What is the meaning of this!"

He looked around at the broken objects strewn across the floor. Danny tried to come up with something to say. He was spared the effort as Lancer settled a seething glare upon him, pointing a finger in his face.

"My office. Right now."

He turned and marched from the room, and Danny reluctantly followed.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

"-that you can always come talk with me, any time." Jazz said over the growing din of the crowd.

The teen glanced her way before continuing past with his friends. Jazz walked in the opposite direction, searching for more of the students she counseled. Used to counsel, she reminded herself.

Well, that didn't need to be the case, she mentally argued. Lancer had been right; if Jazz made it clear that she was still willing to be there for the students of Casper High, then surely some would prefer her familiar presence over that of a stranger, right?

Jazz's thoughts were perforated by the sounds of yelling from Lancer's office. She wondered who exactly had caught the ire of the vice principal so early in the morning. A second voice joined the man's, and though it was brief, Jazz found it too familiar to ignore.

She moved closer, peeking around the half-closed door. A head of raven hair, disheveled more than usual, caught her eye immediately. Before Jazz could think she was walking fully into the room.

Lancer stopped mid-tirade, looking toward the girl. Danny noticed the sudden silence and glanced around, quickly spotting his sister. He didn't seem relieved by her appearance, frowning and looking away.

Jazz took in the sight of him. Dust layered thickly across his clothing and skin, and bruises could be seen forming across every visible part of him.

"Danny!" Jazz exclaimed. "What happened?"

"Your brother was found trashing a classroom." Mr Lancer heatedly informed.

"What?" Jazz's voice rose several octaves.

Being hostile toward everyone and skipping class was worrying, but wrecking school property was something Jazz never expected of her brother. It was indeed alarming.

"Danny, what-" she began.

"Save the lecture." Danny sent a quick glare in her direction. "I'm really not in the mood for it, Jazz."

"I'll tell you what I'm not in the mood for," Lancer interjected. "I'm not in the mood to deal with a wrecked classroom before school even begins! And yet here we are. Now, Mr Fenton, for the third time, tell me what exactly came over you."

The veins in Lancer's forehead throbbed as he spoke, and Danny chose to stare at them rather than the man's seething eyes. He didn't know what to say to answer the question, and a faint prickling sensation in the back of Danny's mind occupied most of his thoughts.

That ghost was still nearby.

Lancer gazed down upon the boy, watching his blank expression, awaiting a reply. When none came, he sighed, rubbing at his tired eyes. It really was too early for this. He just couldn't understand what had possessed the teen to lash out so violently. By the looks of it, everything in that room was completely ruined.

Grim frown in place, Lancer reached across his desk toward the black telephone.

"Daniel, I'm going to give your parents a call, and then we can-"

"Wait!"

It wasn't Danny, but Jazz who spoke up, a hand outstretched. Danny's wide eyes flitted between her and the teacher, panic fluttering visibly across his face.

Lancer paused, phone resting in his grasp, and raised a questioning eyebrow at the red-head before him.

"Mr Lancer, I know that what Danny did was wrong, but can you please not call our parents?" she pleaded, to everyone's surprise. "Danny's going through a really tough time right now, and as much as Mom and Dad mean well, they're only going to escalate this already bad situation."

Lancer opened his mouth, but Jazz continued.

"If they really have to know, then Danny and I will tell them at home. But I really think it would do more harm than good."

"I'm right here, you know." the boy in question groused. "I'm not three years old; I can speak for myself."

"What a relief to know." Lancer said, lowering the phone back to its cradle. "Then pray, use those vocal abilities of yours to explain to me why you trashed a classroom."

"It wasn't even being used." Danny defended, crossing his arms.

"That's not the point!" Lancer's voice rose, and he sat back in his seat, visibly attempting to calm himself down once more.

Internally, Jazz felt sorry for him. He looked like a wreck, and it was clear he was having trouble sleeping. She shook herself back into the current situation, however. No need to start analysing the vice principal.

With a groan, the man hunched forward, elbows on the desk as he let his head rest in one hand.

"Mr Fenton, go see the school nurse." he said. "And then I want you in my class as soon as you are done. And after that, not a single toe out of line, am I clear? This is your final warning, Daniel. I am trying to be patient, but I cannot and will not tolerate destruction of school property."

With that, Lancer stood up, exiting the office without another word. The room remained tense in his absence, with Jazz staring at her brother and him glaring at the floor.

Danny glanced her way before he too was on his feet and out the door. Jazz stood in the doorway, watching the back of Danny's torn shirt as he disappeared quickly into the crowd. She thought about following, but decided that she could question him later. For now, Danny looked like he needed some space.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

Danny sat in a chair just inside the nurse's office, silently waiting to be called into a back room. He couldn't help but hunch his shoulders defensively, fingers gripping the sides of the chair, his eyes moving along the ceiling and walls. That ghost was still out there. It was still roaming through the school. He could feel it draw near every so often, only to flit away, beyond his senses. He wasn't sure how, but he got the distinct impression that the thing was toying with him.

"Danny." a voice called, and the teen jumped a little before standing.

"Right back here, honey." the kind voice directed, and Danny moved to join the nurse behind a white curtain.

The smiling woman gestured toward the bed, and Danny reluctantly sat on its edge, unwilling to lay back. He felt as if he would have to run at any moment, his tense muscles twitching as the nurse laid a hand on his arm.

She inhaled through her teeth, her fingers running along his icy skin. Danny's gaze fell from the walls to her worried expression, and quickly moved out of her reach.

Her eyebrows drawn together, the nurse adjusted the stethoscope draped over her shoulders, putting the buds into her ears and holding out the diaphragm toward Danny.

The teen's eyes went from her to the stethoscope to her again, and then moved over the walls before his brain finally registered what was happening. The diaphragm was pressed against his chest and the nurse was staring to the side as she tired to find a telltale beat.

With a jolt, Danny shot off the bed and moved beyond the curtain. The startled nurse watched him, confused wide eyes staring at him as he stepped back into the centre of the bright room.

"Danny?" she called, but the boy didn't answer.

His head jolted up, and he watched the far wall, hands clenching at his sides.

There. It was right there. Right behind the wall.

Danny had to get out. Had to get far away from this ghost and the nurse with her prodding eyes and hands.

With a hurried "sorry!" thrown over his shoulder, Danny turned and sped out of the office, leaving the door hanging open as his footfalls echoed in the empty hallway.

Bursting into the nearest restroom, Danny was relieved to find it empty. He walked to the mirror, taking in his disheveled appearance. He quickly went about cleaning the dust from himself. While he very much wanted to stay here in the quiet solitude, he feared being alone with that murderous spectre on the loose.

And so Danny turned off the rushing water, drying himself with paper towels. He closed his eyes, rubbing at them with the heel his hands. He wasn't sure just how much more of this marathon he could run without snapping.

Exiting the restroom, Danny walked at a slow pace down the hall, toward homeroom. His eyes drifted along the tiled floor as he went.

His gaze remained downcast as he silently entered the classroom, walking to his desk, where to his surprise he found his discarded backpack sitting in his chair. He briefly wondered who had retrieved it for him, before the dreaded sensation was back. That ghost was haunting him; it wouldn't leave him be! Danny moved his bag and sat heavily down at his desk, hands clenched together in his lap as he stared ahead. He didn't even hear the words Mr Lancer spoke, all of his attention turned toward the source of his latest grievance as it floated slowly around the school, always careful to keep just near enough for Danny to know it was there.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

"Sam, really? Come on." Tucker said.

"What?" Sam asked.

A single look from the boy told her all she needed, and she glanced back down, eyes running along the cracks that spiderwebbed across the phone's surface.

"I can still use it." she defended.

Tucker shook his head at her. Sam's sleek, expensive phone now wore a marred screen, which it got when Sam had angrily thrown it across her house in what seemed like another life.

"It's not like they can't afford a new one." Tucker argued further.

Sam elected to ignore him, her eyes moving up and settling on the friend sitting across from her.

Danny sat hunched down, elbows digging into the wooden table, his gaze held off to the side. His expression was one caught between fear and annoyance.

"Danny?" Sam called. "Hey, Danny. Danny!"

Finally, he turned toward her, as if just noticing her presence.

"Huh? What?"

"What's up with you?" she asked. "First we hear that you trashed a classroom, then you don't say a word in Biology, and now you're still completely ignoring us. What gives?"

Danny only met her eyes for a moment, before his were drawn away, scanning the high walls of the school.

"There's a weird ghost roaming around." he remarked plainly.

"What!" Tucker immediately became alarmed, looking around himself.

"Is it attacking anybody?" Sam asked.

"I…I don't think so." Danny said slowly, his focus on the conversation waning as he felt the spectre draw near. "I think it's messing with me."

"How do you know?" Sam asked, and then a realisation hit her. "Is this why you wrecked that room?"

Danny didn't respond. Instead, he stood up from the table suddenly, backing away toward the wide grassy field.

If he didn't know any better, he'd say there were two ghosts now. They were so near to each other that it made it difficult to be sure. And they were moving dangerously close. Danny stared wide-eyed at the cafeteria doors, expecting twin monstrosities to come bursting from them any moment. He startled when he felt a hesitant touch on his shoulder.

Tucker lowered his hand, concern set in his features as he looked from Danny back toward the school.

"Should we just ditch?" Sam suggested. She hated the thought of going back into the building with a malicious spirit haunting it.

"I can't." Danny groaned, his expression darkening. "If I slip up, even once, Lancer threatened to call my parents. I'm barely out of the deep end with my mom as it is."

"But dude! What if it attacks you during a class or something?" Tucker wondered aloud.

Once more the two were met with silence. Danny glared ahead at the far brick wall, mouth set in a firm line.

Distantly, the bell rang, and Danny was the first to take a step forward. He grabbed his bag, slinging it over a shoulder and led the way back into the building. His frown remained as he walked resolutely toward the main hall, the flood of teens still dispersing from the large room.

Though his head stayed rigid upon his shoulders, pointed straight ahead, his blue eyes darted this way and that, looking for any sign of the elusive phantoms. They had fled just before lunch ended, and he now wished they would draw in closer. Sensing their every movement was better than not knowing where they were.

And indeed, as the day progressed, Danny no longer felt the oppressive presence of the ghost dogging him. But that alone did not keep him from staring off into empty space, trying to find a hint. He just couldn't believe that a ghost would go through the trouble of attacking him, pestering him for hours, and then suddenly go on its way.

No, this was definitely not over. And Danny found himself unable to relax even as the school day ended and he found himself walking down the front steps. His shoulders remained tense, hands digging into the straps of his backpack. He nearly walked out in front of traffic a few times, eyes unseeing as he cast out around him. He dreaded the idea of the ghost following him, though the mental image of siccing his parents on it if it followed him home thoroughly amused Danny.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

It was indeed a bad day for young Daniel Fenton.

Though he was no longer pursued by a violent ghost, he was now being followed by a rather persistent older sister.

He was resolutely ignoring her every word as he stomped up the stairs and into his bedroom. Flinging his bag onto his bed, Danny swung his (thankfully brand new) door closed. Or, he would have. Instead, Jazz stopped it and held it open. She frowned at him, leaning against her hand as she looked into the room at him.

"Just tell me why, Danny." Jazz insisted. "Wrecking a classroom is completely unlike you, I just-"

"Jazz." Danny glared at her. "I'm only going to say this one more time; leave me alone."

Gripping the door, the angry teen shoved it closed. He locked it in one swift motion before turning away. Out in the hall, Jazz stumbled back from the unexpected force. She stared at the door in silence, cradling her stinging wrist, which had borne the brunt of Danny's surprising strength.

Several responses turned about in Jazz's head. From shouting through the door at her brother, to going downstairs to tell her parents about the trashed classroom. After several minutes of contemplation, Jazz settled for walking to the bathroom, where she assessed her wrist. It didn't appear injured, but was certainly sore. When she'd leaned all her weight against his door, she really hadn't expected Danny to try and close it, much less be successful. Her brother had never been known for his physical strength.

Jazz's face held a thoughtful frown for the rest of the day. From when she took an early shower, to when she went downstairs for dinner, to when Danny refused to join them, to when she lay in bed, listening to the sounds of her brother pacing quietly around in his room, well into the night.

#in honor of me finally getting ch 32 out heres ch 30 for yall #ersatz au #danny phantom #jazz fenton #spectra

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the-legal-duchess · 6 years

Text

Reflecting on 2017 and Setting Goals for 2018

2017 was a good year. My husband and I were just talking about how nothing terribly exciting happened- it was just an average, good year for us. I really can't complain about that; generally, our family was healthy and happy and we made a lot of great memories.

Early 2017 started off exciting when we rescued our sweet Annie. This dog reminds me of all that is good in the world. When we adopted her, she was 1.5 years old and had already had a litter of puppies, had been shot in the shoulder with a pelleted shotgun which it healed poorly without medical attention and the pellets are still in her leg encased in a large amount of scar tissue and leaves her with a small limp, and she was found running stray on the streets of Kentucky. After all of that, this dog is still the sweetest and happiest dog I have ever had the privilege of knowing and has a trademark smile for whenever she gets excited. She fits perfectly in with our other two dogs and has meshed into our life like she was always here. We simply cannot imagine our life without her now and we are so thankful we got to adopt this sweet little angel. #adoptdontshop

January also featured me getting reared ended in a hit and run which lead to two weeks of my husband and I share a car and a rather big bill to get my car fixed. Not very fun but I am just thankful I was not injured and the car was fixable thanks to good insurance.

Most of my spring was just busy busy busy with law school. Over spring break I had an emergency root canal which put a little damper on my vacation time. I did finish spring semester strong with a big improvement on my GPA and my first A in law school. Soon after, I found out I made the Moot Court Products Liability team which was a big dream of mine in law school.

I spent my summer interning at my local prosecutor's office and I loved absolutely every minute. I had the opportunity to work on murder cases, write official briefs and memos and attend and assist at several trials. I have officially decided that criminal prosecution is where my career plans lay and I can't wait to continue forward in my career path by interning with a local Judge this coming summer.

At the end of the summer, my hubby and I took a vacation to Maine. Maine is one of my absolute favorite places on earth- my dad grew up there and we have visited almost every year of my life. It is one of few places I can visit over and over again and love it just as much every time. We had a wonderful and relaxing week full of ocean views, mountain hikes and family time. If you are looking for a vacation spot, mid-coast Maine is one of the best.

School started back up in August and I embarked on my busiest semester to date. I started working in Law School admissions as a student ambassador and I absolutely love it. It is the best job as I love helping new law students (hence the whole point of this blog) and I have the best bosses! I enjoyed most of my classes this past semester: I took a Criminal Adjudications class with my favorite professor which I absolutely loved, I took an appellate procedure writing class to prepare for my moot court competition in the spring which was so informative and helpful and I surprised myself by getting through a very challenging commercial paper class despite my lack of natural ability in those type of classes. My grades are trickling in slowly and thus far I have been very pleased and my GPA is rising. In between the craziness of school and life, I did get a chance to go to two amazing concerts: I saw the legend himself, Sir Paul McCartney, and he was just as fantastic as I expected. I also saw my favorite artist of all time, Garth Brooks, and it was the absolute best night.

During the early Fall semester, I competed in my school interscholastic appellate advocacy competition. This was fashioned in the format of Moot Court and involved weekly head to head argument sessions that eliminated one person each time, bracket style. I made it all the way to the final four in my class which involved arguing in front of three federal judges and my entire school. It was a grueling experience on top of all my regular school work and my job but it was such a wonderful opportunity and I grew so much as an advocate through it.

We had a lovely, quiet holiday with family and enjoyed a white Christmas for the first time in years. The snow is still hanging around and I am hoping we can sneak in a ski trip sometime soon.

That brings me to now- winter break. I have been lounging around the house, reading novels, drinking too much hot tea and completing some various little projects and cleaning/organizing around our home. This time to relax, reflect and rejuvenate had given me some time to think toward the new year and all that I want to accomplish. 2018 will bring another semester of law school, my first moot court competition, a new internship, a Carribean cruise in May and I am sure many other adventures. I did sit down to make out a few goals.... we shall see how I do with those.

2018 Goals

1. Make My Health a Priority

I recently purchased a treadmill and I am absolutely determined to get in shape and run a 5K in 2018. I have a Fitbit, I have a jug of lemon water in the fridge and I am ready to get in shape. I am tired of spending my days hunched over a desk and feeling like a bump on a log. I am also starting the Tone It Up 5 day Detox tomorrow (you can still sign up and it' completely free!) and even once that ends, I am vowing to eat healthier and improve my overall wellness in 2018.

As a part of improving my physical wellness, I am working on my mental wellness as well. I have been on a mission to remove as much negativity from my life as possible- cut out toxic friendships and toxic influences. I am trying to make an effort to seek out the positive in every day... something I have always struggled with as I can be a somewhat glass half empty type of person. But I am vowing to try see the glass half full from now on. I am vowing to be a better friend, a better daughter, sister, wife, dog mom and overall better and less negative person.

Also, I am working to make social media a little less toxic. The beauty of social media is the connections and relationships it fosters. The ugly side of social media is that it encoruages comparing yourself to everyone else and only seeing the highlight reel of peoples lives. This can feed into my natural propensity for not seeing the positive so I am trying to delete any negative influences through social media and make a constant effort to see the best out of social media and not compare myself to the highlight reels of seemingly perfect Instagram feeds. I know guilty of this as much as anyone else- as a blogger, I tend to carefully select everything that goes on my blog or social media and it becomes a bit of a highlight reel... I try to strive for transparency and try to keep it real but I, like most, fall into the trap of only showing the best parts of life on social media. In the new year, I am going to try to keep in mind that behind every gorgeous, jealousy-inducing Instagram feed, is a normal person who has struggles and ugly moments just like me... letting that jealousy from comparing myself eat away at me is just silly so I am going to try my hardest to avoid that from now on.

Similarly, this is true in law school as well. It is a competitive environment. It is easy to compare your grades to others, be jealous of someone else internship or job... this is not helpful. In the new year, I am doing all of this for me. The only grades I am trying to be better than is my grades from last semester. The only internship I care about is my own. I am getting this law degree for ME and the accomplishments of everyone else is irrelevant to that goal.

2. Professional Networking

As an aspiring attorney, networking is so key in getting jobs in the future. In fact, both my internships thus far in law school have been the result of pure networking and had nothing to do with my grades or anything else. In the new year, I am setting a goal to increase my legal contacts through networking and start setting myself up for the post-graduation job f my dreams.

3. Be a Better Wife

In the hustle and bustle of life, I have realized I often forget to put my husband first. Remedying this is one of my goals for the new year. I am blessed to be married to a thoughtful, sweet, patient man who goes out of his way to make my life easier and works so hard to support me through law school. My goal is to remember to thank him more often, send a surprise note and cookies in his lunch more often and make at least one evening a week a date night where I turn off everything else spinning around my mind and focus on my husband and my marriage. After all, we are still technically newlyweds LOL.

4. Explore

It is easy to get caught up in the day to day routine and forget to explore. When I was in Europe for study abroad, I explored: I tried new things, stumbled upon crazy adventures and had the time of my life. I am not in a place in life where exploring can be European vacations but it doesn't mean that I have to stop exploring completely. In 2018, I am going to make exploring more of a priority. I am going to explore other places through books, I am going to explore my city on weekends, I am going to explore my limits by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and eat new foods, try new drinks... basically I am going to treat everyday life like it's a European vacation and find the beauty in every day, ordinary things and attack life with the mentality of exploration.

So that's my recap of 2017 and my goals for 2018... I am really looking forward to another great year. Hopefully, I can stick with my goals! I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve and a wonderful 2018.

#2018goals

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bigyack-com · 4 years

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Women’s Day 2020: The power of women at work and how to ensure you lead a healthy lifestyle - more lifestyle

Emails that arrive almost all the time, travel arrangements that make you think twice about family, the struggle of work-life balance - working women tend to be like a pendulum oscillating between demands of office and home chores. And between these oscillations, there are endless social expectations to match up to and the constant anxiety of keeping up with demands of both the worlds. Geeta Sharma, 33, a bank manager says, “Being a working woman feels like it’s a double-edged sword hanging on my head. Most of the times I find myself sacrificing on my social life, family life and me time to be efficient in everything. My productivity often suffers due to anxiety. Juggling such different responsibilities takes a huge toll on my health which I usually ignore. This is the case with every working woman. I think we should all take care of ourselves and look out for each other.” And for working mothers with toddlers, the pressure - be it self-imposed or designated, increases manifold. After all, motherhood is constant, demanding and exhausting. Nikita Joseph, teacher and mother of a 6 month old says, “Thankfully, my mother-in-law helps me out handling my baby. However, it is still pretty much difficult. I have to wake up really early in the morning and feed her, finish my work in the kitchen, then go to school. Professional life is also extremely busy and mind boggling. At the end of the day I am so stressed and tired. Thankfully, my colleagues look out for me.” Mental stress This combination of juggling multiple commitments could lead to physical health problems as well as mental distress. Clinical psychologist and author Pulkit Sharma says, “The main source of stress for working women is the multiple things in their life. They expect themselves to do extremely well at work and home and people also expect the same out of them. I believe that one should take a more rational approach and not make everything so performance oriented. Then only they’ll be able to multitask and also get a space to breathe. Otherwise, it makes them more at a risk of depression because being the best in everything is not realistically possible.” He adds, “I have had many cases like such. This is something very common. You can’t be running marathons in every sphere of life.” Buy related products: B006Q6C4Y2, B00PFFB8V0 Why is women’s health so important? Obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Rachna Rohatgi says, “Working women undergo a lot of stress because they have to keep a balance between all the fronts. The whole foundation of a family or a society is based on a woman’s health. If she is not healthy, the whole family gets neglected. In fact, women are very reluctant to get themselves checked and keep on ignoring their health. While doing justice to both their profession and family, they are prone to a lot of medical complications.” Every woman should have a priority for herself. She adds, “Women need to find time for themselves. Every day, they should do a half hour workout session as well as go for regular health checkups. Adequate breaks are also important. They should have a sense of self care.” Adopting a healthier lifestyle Trying to lead a healthier and less stressful life is not a bad thing. Holistic wellness expert Mickey Mehta gives some lifestyle tips: •Women tend to ignore their health and that is a disaster. Disciple, self love and sleeping early are some of the most primary things they should consider. •At home, they should do simple yoga exercises like Surya Namaskar, Bhujangasana to improve immunity, little bit of spot jog, and a yoga form where they hug themselves. ALSO READ: 10 minutes of Surya Namaskar daily is highly beneficial for body and mind, here’s how •At office, taking the staircase is very important and while coming home in the evening, a 10 minute walk in the garden would add up a lot to the immunity and energy of the person. •Once or twice a week they should have an all-fruit day to keep their weight in check and keep higher energy liberated within them. They should also pamper themselves with a spa treatment once or twice a week. •They should do meditation once before sleeping and after waking up. Do seven minutes of observing silence. Settle the mind down and breathe the mind out. Be selfish and serve yourself so much so that you can serve the world better. The combination of all these things put together will make sure that today’s woman can also be fit and healthy despite so many job roles that she plays. These are the endeavours she should keep integrated. Buy related products: B01LP0UKJE, 1409343472 The diet to consider Women should always eat well at every stage of their lives. Dietician Esther John says, “Trying to balance the demands of family and work can make it difficult for any woman to maintain a healthy diet. But the right food can support your mood, boost your energy, and help you maintain a healthy weight.” She gives some nutrition and diet tips: •While women tend to need fewer calories than men, their requirements for certain vitamins and minerals are much higher. Hormonal changes associated with menstruation, child-bearing, and menopause mean that women have a higher risk of anaemia, weakened bones, and osteoporosis, requiring a higher intake of nutrients such as iron, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D, and vitamin B9 (folate). •Among other things, you need calcium to build healthy bones and teeth, , regulate the heart’s rhythm, and ensure your nervous system functions properly. Calcium deficiency can lead to, or exacerbate, mood problems such as irritability, anxiety, depression, and sleep difficulties. If you don’t get enough calcium in your diet, your body will take calcium from your bones to ensure normal cell function, which can lead to weakened bones or osteoporosis. Women are at a greater risk than men of developing osteoporosis, so it’s important to get plenty of calcium, in combination with magnesium and vitamin D, to support your bone health. •Magnesium increases calcium absorption form the blood into the bone. In fact, your body can’t utilize calcium without it. The USDA recommended daily allowance for magnesium is 320 to 400 mg/day. Good sources include leafy green vegetables, summer squash, broccoli, halibut, cucumber, green beans, celery, and a variety of seeds. •Vitamin D is also crucial to the proper metabolism of calcium. Aim for 600 IU (international units) daily. You can get Vitamin D from about half an hour of direct sunlight, and from foods such as salmon, shrimp, vitamin-D fortified milk, cod, and eggs. •Some of the best sources of calcium are dairy products. However, dairy products such as whole milk, cheese, and yogurt also tend to contain high levels of saturated fat. The USDA recommends limiting your saturated fat intake to no more than 10% of your daily calories, meaning you can enjoy whole milk dairy in moderation and opt for no- or low-fat dairy products when possible. •If you are planning pregnancy while working eat organic foods and grass-fed or free-range meat and eggs, in order to limit pollutants and pesticides that may interfere with fertility. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and nicotine as they are known to decrease fertility. Follow more stories on Facebook and Twitter At Hindustan Times, we help you stay up-to-date with latest trends and products. Hindustan Times has affiliate partnership, so we may get a part of the revenue when you make a purchase. Read the full article

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bulletandsophia · 7 years

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The Patient

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Read the series on AO3

The leaves have started to turn yellow and orange and brown—gracefully falling down from their branches even with just the slight blow of the wind.

St. Samwell General Hospital is unusually quiet today and Sansa takes this opportunity to stealth her way through the emergency nurses to take the lift and into the hospital’s rooftop. It has always been her favorite place to think.

Leaving her coat and stethoscope behind, the rooftop is empty except for her and her unlighted cigarette stick. Sansa twirls it in her hand, tempted to light it finally and yet feeling guilty because the last time she did, back in the University, she coughed up feeling her entire soul wanted to get out.

But perhaps, that is what she wants to happen now.

It’s been one month today, when her life has changed—when Jon Snow has come and then left her.

Sansa twirls the cigarette stick again.

It bothers her that no other staff in the emergency remembered what had happened. Perhaps, the almost everyday occurrence of death in their profession almost made them dumb to the idea of life being taken away. Perhaps, Jon Snow was just another number to complete their statistics. Perhaps, Jon Snow did not matter to them at all.

As in truth, he did not matter to her before.

Only, they brought him in one day in the emergency room where she was finishing her nightly shift, the first response team scrambling to tell the details of the accident as they rolled him to the nearest empty procedure room but Sansa—as what she was trained to do—focused mainly on trying to save his life. His clothes were drenched, blood ran down from his head to his cheeks, and scratches scatter all over his neck and arms.

“Car sped through the bridge and into the river. Nasty wreck.” she heard one of the uniformed men say. “Lucky the people in the cabin nearby heard the crash else we would not even know anything happened in the highway.”

Curious incident, Sansa remembers telling herself then, but quickly dissipated the thoughts and focused on her work. She was able to revive him in the third attempt. He sputtered more water all over her coat and shoes but the nurses were already calming him down as she began her work with his cuts and bruises.

He didn’t wake fully until four more hours after. Her shift has ended then but Sansa, peculiar as it was, stayed and waited for a loved one to come and visit him—maybe even just to arrange paper works.

But no one came.

And she has such a weak heart, doesn’t she? Because despite the insistence of the nurses for her to finally get some sleep, Sansa still found herself stepping in his room, almost three am on her watch, and waited for a miracle, feeling sorry (endeared?) and oddly lonely at the sight of him looking so small on the hospital bed.

So, she waited for him to wake up or for someone to show up; or maybe just waited for any signs of reassurance that he will still continue to breath in the next hour or so.

Sansa takes a deep breath as she remembers this, the moment still freshly stinging she feels as if it was only yesterday that it happened. She looks around, the rooftop is still empty, the sky is still gray and pale. Though from afar she can see the expanse of the woods surrounding the hospital and their reddening and yellowing leaves aggressively competing with the color of her own hair.

Jon told her he loved her hair.

“Like my wife’s.” he murmured during that early morning. He woke up, to Sansa’s surprise, just when she finally decided to leave the hospital.

She asked for his name and he hoarsely replied and when she felt like he could go on for more questioning, Sansa attempted to get more information or contact person she could share with the staff.

“Where is she?” she asked quietly, finally sitting down again. “Your wife?”

Jon blinked at her then looked away. “She’s dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t respond for a while but after struggling a deep breath, he whispered back. “Me too.”

“Do you know someone else we could inform—”

Gruffly, he responded. “None.”

He further looked small in that moment and his beard did not cover up the pain etched on his face. Sansa wondered if the pain was from his bruises but he didn’t look the type who hurt from anything physical. Slightly feeling compelled as his doctor, she tried to engage him more and not waste the opportunity where he was still alert.

Sansa asked the harder questions.

“Do you know what happened to you?” she inquired softly.

Jon looked back almost stoically and said, “Yes. I ran my car towards the bridge.”

“Yes, you did.” Sansa solemnly nodded. And then after a while, “May I know why?”

He did not speak again and tried not to look her way. Sansa studied him and watched as his eyes roamed anywhere but her face—undecided perhaps on where to place such a stranger trying to probe his life. In the quietness and in her slight exhaustion, Sansa tried to exert more patience in his silence. A frown also started to form on his face Sansa knew was not due to the purpling bruises and bloodied bandages. Because she believed, even without the pain of the accident, Jon Snow was hurting. And she cannot deny wanting to be more by his side.

Curious, truly.

It was not until he spoke the most honest of words that Sansa decided she will not let him further deteriorate.

“I could not save her...” was what he said first. “... save them.”

Them.

Fear ran through her as she clarified. “Who, Jon?”

When he finally turned to look at her, she could clearly see the loneliness and the despair. It made her heart ache.

“My wife… and son.” he croaked. “Unborn son.”

“What happened to them?”

“Fire.”

In the next few days, Sansa was able to finally make Jon feel more relaxed with his pallid surroundings. She fed him, changed his bandages, and checked up on him every hour or so that it made some of the nurses tease her. It was not part of a doctor’s job description but Sansa cannot just help herself. She and Jon fell into a comfortable ritual that one day, when she was changing his bandages, he started to confide in her more.

“Eddard.” he whispered with a wince as she helped him lay back on the bed. “That was supposed to be my son’s name.”

“It’s a lovely name.” she told him truthfully.

Somberly he looked up at her and responded, “My wife thought so too.”

Wife.

Sansa takes a breath and clasps her hand together, closing her eyes and hating herself for the slight jealousy. The cold breeze of autumn does not help alleviate any of her feelings at all—as if Jon died only to pass his loneliness to her.

Angrily, she folds the cigarette stick and throws it away, watching it land on the concrete floor not too far from where she is.

You can’t be jealous of a dead man’s dead wife, Sansa, she tells herself. Stop being ridiculous.

And yet—it’s been one month today. How can it be ridiculous?

One month since he went missing from his room only for her to find him standing in this exact same spot, looking over the view, the breeze caressing his face, dancing in between the curls of his hair. He looked healthier (thanks to her care) and yet pale.

Tired.

Miserable.

She spoke his name when she neared and when he turned to her, there was a sad smile on his lips.

“My wife,” he started. “…was also named Sansa.”

And something like a jolt hit her. Perhaps if she had known, she might have stayed away. Maybe her presence while he was trying to heal did not make him feel any better.

Sansa. Sansa. Sansa.

What a cursed name.

“I—I didn’t know.” she breathed.

He laughed lightly, the first time he did so, and shook his head. “Of course, you don’t.”

Then he gazed back almost pointedly he seemed like a different person. “You never remember.”

“Jon, I—”

He shook his head again, turning his gaze back to the woods. “But I guess that should not matter. You’ve sacrificed yourself for me once.” Then he turned to face her again. “Maybe it’s my turn to save you now.”

“I don’t understand, Jon. Please, let’s just go back to your room.” Sansa almost shouted, desperate for someone to find them but none came.

“No,” he replied, determined more than ever.

Then, to Sansa’s shock, he climbed the narrow edge of the rooftop and stood, his hospital gown billowing with the wind. It was a terrible thing to see and yet Sansa felt her knees weaken with some sort of elation as if Jon craved for this moment.

This freedom.

“Jon, please. Get down from there.”

He shook his head again. “I tried to end it when I crashed my car to the bridge only to wake up with you saving me again.”

“Jon…” she can almost hear herself wail.

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you, Sansa?” he frowned at her. “But I don’t want to dream of fire only to lose you over and over again. I want this to end.”

“No, please—”

“This is the only way.”

He took a deep breath and he kept his gaze at her with an expression she can only decipher as lonely and longing—a mixture of a certain misery that had yet to discover some happiness.

“I’ve said this to you a thousand times before, in different lifetimes, but I never tire of saying it,” he smiled at her with perhaps the remaining warmth he had. “I love you, Sansa.”

Sansa felt her tears roll and tried to blink it away.

And when she did, and as if he waited for her to do so, abruptly, like he did not even need to think twice, that nothing would stop him from doing so; not her, not her tears, not even her pleas, Jon stepped over the edge.

Almost too willingly.

The investigation after was far more sickening, with doctors and policemen declaring Jon Snow mentally unstable; with neighbors testifying to his strange behaviors and strange stories, with evidences of a wife’s death in some fire that turned out to be nonexistent.

No traces of anything else could be found about Jon Snow. And yet, why does Sansa feel weighted by him until today, when none of it should have mattered anymore.

She is a doctor. Death is something she almost sees every day.

“Thought I’d find you here.” someone says behind her.

Sansa turns and watches as the woman picks up her disposed cigarette stick.

“I knew you were not the type to smoke. When you asked one from the nurse I thought I was going crazy. And believe me, I’ve seen crazy.”

Sansa sighs. “Hello, Melissandre.”

Melissandre slowly walks towards her, hands in her coat pocket, eyes seizing as always. “Hello, Dr. Stark.”

“I told you to just call me—”

“I know, Sansa.” she almost huffs. “I was just teasing. What are colleagues for, right? And believe me, calling you a doctor still leaves a foreign taste in my tongue.”

It takes a moment before Sansa feels the courage to finally break the silence that hovers. “Are they in need of me in the emergency?”

Melissandre shakes her head. Then, “I wanted to speak with you.”

A few days after Jon’s death, Melissandre showed up and was supposed to take over the emergency ward for Sansa and the vacation leave the hospital offered after the stressful incident. Sansa declined evidently but still, Melissandre decided to stay.

Raising an eyebrow, Sansa asks. “About what?”

“You know well.”

Sansa sighs. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t want to talk about him.”

“Melissandre…”

“Are you not curious why you don’t want to, though? Surely, he’s not the most difficult patient you’ve had.”

“He was not a difficult patient.”

“I’ve heard.”

Shifting her gaze back to the older doctor, Sansa almost desperately asks, “What do you want?”

Melisandre’s smile is testing and almost bordering teasing, condescending. Sansa cannot fathom how she could find enjoyment in her agony.

“Nothing,” the other doctor finally replies. “I just want to make sure you are alright. Coping, if I must say.”

“I am fine.”

Another teasing smirk. “Of course, you are.”

Silence runs through the rooftop except for the far away grazing and shifting of the leaves from the woods below.

“You know,” Sansa eyes Melissandre curiously. “You never once mentioned why you stayed.”

The older lady smiles. “Only the gods can dictate our fates. They spoke to me and told me to stay here.”

Sansa represses the urge to roll her eyes. “And what exactly did the gods say?”

“They said I should look after you.”

The shock is minimal but still palpable. Sansa frowns at Melissandre and the oddity and intensity, if not even pointedness, of her words.

Still, the doctor continues, now staring mindlessly and dreamily to something far away. “Winter is coming.”

Then, without notice, she grabs Sansa’s arm as if in warning. “Now with Jon gone, you only have yourself to rely on when the truth comes.”

“Melissandre, I don’t—” Sansa tries to pull her arm free but the woman only grips her tighter, eyes also almost piercing her.

“When the first snow falls, you will remember.” Melissandre speaks again. “And you will be unprepared.”

Sansa is left speechless when Melissandre leaves her almost panting and gaping. Sansa can only hear the nonsense in the older woman's words and yet Jon’s voice also suddenly echoes in her head.

You never remember.

She tries to ignore and disregard it all. She does not need any unwarranted fear and oddities that can never be explained by reason or science—and especially not today, of all the days, when the scars of witnessing Jon’s death have seemed to wound themselves fresh again.

So no, she will not fall into any fallacies or make-believe. Jon has chosen his own fate and decided to see his own end.

Not some gods.

And Sansa knows, she will decide for her own.

But later that night, in her lonesome and lethargy in her apartment— reminiscing of her small ‘hurray!’ when she found out Melissandre’s finally decided to leave St. Samwell’s just a few hours after their unfortunate encounter on the rooftop—Sansa dreams of a large castle covered in soft snow. In the courtyard, there is also a large white tree with red leaves and beside it is a man overtly familiar; a white wolf resting at his feet.

When he turns and finally sees her, he smiles as if he has been waiting for that moment his whole life.

Feeling as if she does too, Sansa gives him a smile back.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Read the series on AO3

#jonsa #jon x sansa #endless #reincarnation #jon and sansa #jonsa fic

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ineffablecatblog · 7 years

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Myself and I: weight and shape.

WARNING: I’m gonna talk about eating disorders and mental health issues, so if you know you’re gonna be easily triggered by that, please consider not reading my post. Also, if you’re in trouble, please get help. <3

(Also, sorry for the shit photo quality. Ok thx bye <3)

Ahhh... the everlasting issue that rules a big part world: looks.

Before I start preaching, I’m gonna tell you my journey so far.

It probably started with other people. Models. Girls that open Victoria’s Secret Shows with their glorious wings spread from their back. Elegant, sexy, cute. On the cover of fashion magazines, in bikinis, with their perfect long hair flowing in the wind of the waves. Naturally sexy beautiful. Isn’t this, what a girl dreams of?

At least this was what I dreamt of since I looked in the mirror at age 12 and said to myself: You are too fat. I had been a healthy, normal child until I got to 5th grade and my mental health (that was crumbling apart from multiple events in my life coming together) took effect on my body, making me gain weight. I wanted to be skinnier, “more beautiful”, more “elegant”. I wanted the “perfect body” so people would like me (not that they didn’t, but I had no idea that I was so mentally ill). My best friend in 6th grade was skinny, and no matter what she ate, she did not gain a single little gram ever. Little did I know that she was insecure about that, I just saw how funny and beautiful and skinny she was and how the boys and our friends liked her. I heard people talk about how they needed to lose weight, even if they were in a normal, healthy shape. So, if they needed to lose five pounds, I needed to lose ten.

It got worse and worse for a few years. 2013 was probably the worst year of my life. Age 15, it wasn’t just about losing my baby belly rolls and a pound here and there. I stood in front of my mirror, looked at myself, and then I looked at pictures on Instagram and tumblr. Of people with thigh gaps, and small arms, and their ribs sticking out. And I was determined to disappear. My goal wasn’t to just be skinny, I didn’t want people to ask me if I had lost weight, I wanted people to be concerned for my health because I wanted to be a skeleton - underweight. Can we just hold on for a second and acknowledge how sick that is? I starved myself, I threw up, binged on unhealthy food and cried. I was depressed, which also came with other effects. That was my life for a long, long while. At least two years I also spent every day at the gym. I. Needed. To. Be. Skinny.

People in my life left and came, and I met a boy that was anorexic by the end of 2013, or maybe even at the beginning of 2014. I’m not going into detail about him, but he’s an important part of my story. Him and I, we had nothing in life. We hated our own bodies as much as we clung on to each other. We kept each other from killing ourselves, as far as we could, and it luckily somewhat worked out, as you can tell by me writing this post right now. If it wasn’t for him, it’s safe to say that I would been dead for a long time right now. If you ever happen to read this, you know who you are and you know that I love you so much and I’m so proud of you. He recovered pretty well, but it took a long time. And so did I. At least that’s what I thought.

Time passed, and I kinda got “better”. I didn’t want to starve myself as much anymore, started therapy for multiple reasons (mainly my bpd and the behaviour that came with it) at the beginning of 2015 and found a way of thinking more and more towards accepting myself.

I then looked at people on Instagram with big butts, big thighs, big hips, and I thought “If they’re not skinny and still look this good, I don’t need to be skinny. I wanna look like that, not like a stick!” And I thought that this meant I had defeated my eating disorder, because I didn’t want to be skinny anymore. Obviously, I was wrong. I was still not happy with my body, I just had different but also unrealistic standards for myself. My bones just aren’t structured to give me a big, juicy booty with strong thighs, a curvy middle with a teeny tiny waist. I just couldn’t see that the model industry had changed and that this was still something everyone else was telling me. I thought I wanted to look like that for myself.

I just wanna quickly interrupt and talk about Kylie Jenner for a second, because that is exactly what that girl did. She was stick skinny, got surgery and suddenly had an a$$, tits and curves that were never there before. I see and realize that now, but I wouldn’t have two years ago. This girl just decided to not go through puberty, not accept herself and not move on. And this is an A+ example of why young girls have to go through the sh!t I have gone through and still am going through. She is the unrealistic, abnormal image of what I wanted to look like at age 17.

I have mixed feelings about the “selflove” campaign that has been going strong since about two years ago now. People have started promoting acceptance from yourself towards your own body. And they’re telling you to LOVE YOURSELF, and to SHOW YOUR CURVES!

I’m gonna show you a couple of pictures, since that is what influences people on the internet the most. We like visuals, and that’s okay.

As you can see, I’m not stick thin. I still have fat on my body, but I’m not overweight. I am confident, because I show my body on the internet like that, right? I love myself, otherwise I wouldn’t be showing off my figure, right? Selflove2kblablabla, right?

While this seems so real, it’s still so full of lies.

What you don’t see is that I needed about 20 attempts to take these pictures. 1) because my hands were shaky - because I hadn’t eaten more than two muffins and a slice of toast (unintentionally!!!) 2) because I needed to find good angles, lighting and poses 3) because I kept repositioning my sweats so they would compliment my body. What you don’t see is that I am heating up the oven to make myself some dinner full of carbohydrates. What you don’t see is that I also literally dug into food right after I took these.

I’m now gonna post something that I have probably never really posted online before, so this is in fact a very big deal for me.

Relaxed. I have literally the worst posture on the planet, I have hip rolls and belly rolls and I have rolls on my back. BUT ALL PEOPLE HAVE ROLLS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SIT DOWN.

It is complete and utter bullshit if you think differently.

My point here isn’t that you should look like me or act about it like me. I’m not here to say “hey, look how skinny I am” or “hey, look how curvy I am” or “hey, look how many flaws I have”. I’m not here to be fricking all-loving Jesus about every shape and form that the human body can have, because there ARE unhealthy bodies that are underweight or overweight and that do in fact need to be taken care of. I don’t even surely know if I even have a point here at all. I have also already realized that my fingers can’t keep up with my train of thoughts, and a lot of things are unfinished here and might not really make sense to you. But have you ever met someone with the nicest smile and the cutest laugh and the warmest heart and thought: “Damn, they really need to take care of their weight, phu!” Because you very well know that if the character is golden, it doesn’t matter which case holds it. You know very well that you don’t care what someone looks like as long as they treat you well (unless you’re a f#cking tw#t). So, if you don’t look at someone and judge them by their body shape, why would anyone that is in their right mind do that to you?

I know that this doesn’t mean much to somebody who struggles. I know that I still need to remind myself of this (at least!!!!) five times a day because I still struggle.

Maybe I’ll always struggle. I just today said “I want to lose weight” and that’s because I know I will have better chances at learning figure skating (on ice) if I am stronger, a bit fitter and more flexible, which means I’ll have to train and work out.

But do you spot the difference here? This is about achieving a healthy, non-look-related goal for myself. If I had to gain weight to be better at this sport, I’d do it. This is not about wanting to be skinny, this is about wanting to improve skills. I might not even have to lose the few pounds, but it’ll probably come naturally once I actually start training and eating healthier.

I don’t know what I’m saying, neither do I know if you got something out of this post at all, and I’m sorry that this is still so “pure” and unstructured, I haven’t figured out how to properly structure and theme and plan a blog post yet, but I want to share words about my issues with social media and weight, and what better place to start than from within?

Please let me know what you think! Feel free to anonymously leave me a message or reply to this post! <3

#2 #myself and i #weight #tw eating disorder #trigger warning #tw depression #tw borderline #tw body horror #tw body image

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patrick-watson · 7 years

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3 Solutions For Surviving Healthcare Collapse In 2018

My weekly letter, Connecting the Dots, has two goals: to be informative and to be thought-provoking (subscribe here for free). Last week, it accomplished both—but not the way I expected.

Many people call the Affordable Care Act a great success that only needs minor adjustments. So when I picked the title of last week’s issue, How to Survive the Obamacare Collapse, I thought some people would be upset that I questioned its viability.

Oddly, that didn’t happen. I got more than 60 responses, and no one even tried to defend Obamacare.

Apparently, we all agree it's not working. What we mainly disagree on are the reasons—and the best strategies to fix it.

The fact is, if Obamacare isn’t available in 2018, or is so expensive no one can afford it, millions of Americans will have no health insurance.

I asked my readers for ways to reduce and control this risk, and they responded.

Here are some of their ideas.

Health Insurance Hacks

I suggested looking for short-term medical coverage if Obamacare becomes unavailable in your area. Reader Mike E., a Colorado insurance broker, added some details.

Temporary insurance will probably continue to be available since it's not under the ACA restrictions. But there are several caveats:

Not only will it not cover preexisting conditions, many of the temp insurance carriers will deny any coverage if you show preexisting conditions on your application form, even common things like moderate hypertension. Leaving such details off the application is a risky prospect, because the carrier can deny all claims if they find you've falsified information. And if they're receiving major claims, they'll probably look for a reason to deny them.

The biggest downside is the total benefit limit. As far as I know, there are no plans available with a limit above $2 million. Nonetheless, temp insurance is a good option if you can qualify.

Some readers may be in a position to change their permanent residence (e.g., to a second home). Traditionally, the choice of which to use has been based on state tax rates, but now access (and cost) of health insurance may be a bigger factor.

We have been selling quite a few “microgroup” plans, partly because group insurance is the only way to get a PPO plan in Colorado for 2017. Generally, the carriers require at least two participants, one of whom has no ownership stake. (Some carriers apply other rules, including whether 1099 employees are eligible and count.) Apparently, the working population is overall considerably healthier than the non-working population, and thus the group health insurance market hasn't seen the turmoil that the individual market has.

On small-group insurance, Ray H. said to consider using a PEO, Professional Employer Organization—what was once called employee leasing. I’ve been such an employee before (of John Mauldin, actually, many years ago) and we had big-company-style benefits. It’s worth investigating if you are self-employed.

Another idea: It may be a good time t0 go to school (or go back and learn some new job skills). Some community colleges have student group health plans open to part-time students of any age. The rates are low because the group is mostly young—but you have to be a legitimate, enrolled student and pay tuition. That might outweigh the lower premiums.

Healthcare Cost-Sharing

From Richard J.:

Many thanks, Patrick for your letter this morning; it's right on. And thank you for finally mentioning the religious healthcare alternative, which is getting little to no mention at all. I am relatively healthy and have been with an alternative care for 2 years now.

The savings are huge, bigger than all my investing profits during the same time, and if you’re healthy and following the suggestions in your letter, it is smart, it feels good to help others, and it's good to know some program that really works is behind you. Keep on doing the good work.

Richard refers to the handful of religious cost-sharing cooperatives that received a special exemption in the Affordable Care Act. Participating in one satisfies the Obamacare individual mandate even though they are not “insurance” per se.

So what are they? Here’s a succinct description from US News:

Begun more than 20 years ago as an alternative approach to managing growing health care costs in the U.S., members “share” in medical bills instead of paying for insurance. In some ministries, participants receive a letter about another member’s medical bills each month and send a check for a set amount directly to that member. Sometimes they include notes of encouragement, Bible verses, or even gifts.

The ministries are big cooperative agreements in which people help each other with medical bills. There’s no guarantee you will get help when you need it. Nonetheless, several readers reported good experiences, so check it out. You can learn more in the article linked above and also at the Alliance for Health Care Sharing Ministries site.

Good Advice from Healthcare Professionals

From Bill B., a retired physician:

If you have insurance now:

Be sure your blood pressure is under control. Strokes and heart attacks are horrifically expensive to treat.

Get your skin examined by a dermatologist; skin cancers are exceedingly common, especially in sun-exposed areas. Treatments can be expensive.

The skin exam is something people forget. My wife Grace is a longtime hair stylist. Many times, she’s seen an unusual spot on someone’s head and urged them to get it checked. Usually the spots were nothing—but some turned out to be malignant and could have been fatal, had the person not sought treatment.

If you have insurance, it likely includes a free annual wellness visit with a primary care physician. Use that benefit now… while you still have it.

Make Dietary Changes Now

Here’s some good input from Michael S., via Facebook:

Let's be honest about the #1 cause of our “high health care cost—poor results” situation. It is the terrible eating habits of our population, greatly influenced by the government’s suggestion to reduce fats in our diets. The reduced fats were replaced with poor-quality carbohydrates and sugar, and that has led to increasing rates of obesity in the population and declining health.

I don’t know if it’s the #1 cause, but clearly our sedentary lives and poor diets are major problems.

But can changing them reduce your financial risk? I think so.

Several readers pointed out that the American diet is much worse than those in other countries where medical costs are lower. There’s a reason for that.

Food and eating habits spring from geography. For instance, tropical island cultures eat lots of fish and fruit because that’s what is handy. Subarctic cultures eat a lot of fat from whale blubber and walrus.

Here in the US, our native foods are carb-heavy grains. We eat lots of corn and wheat because our Great Plains are the ideal environment for growing them, and we have a river system to ship them.

Alas, the refined grains we eat are turned into sugars by the human body. Add to that a car-based culture where people don’t walk as much, and we’re set to gain weight.

Worse, you can be obese and malnourished at the same time: according to a 2015 Guardian article, 85% of Americans don’t consume enough of the most important vitamins and minerals necessary for proper physical and mental development.

So we develop diabetes, joint problems, heart disease, and more. And in the last decade, the costs of treating these conditions have exploded.

Quick personal anecdote: About eight years ago, I was 40 pounds overweight. What helped me was a doctor-supervised low-carb diet called Ideal Protein. Over time, it changed my eating habits, so I lost those pounds and kept them off.

Yoga helped too. Your head needs to be in the right place, or nothing will work.

If you’re struggling with weight loss, stick with it. Losing even a few pounds will help reduce your health risks.

Healthcare Options Abroad

From Kenneth S.:

One alternative would be to look at other countries. Particularly if you have relatives you can stay with or want to vacation in an area. Friends have had prostate and carpal tunnel surgery in Colombia at a cost less than the co-pay on their insurance. Their experience has been as good as any friends’ with similar surgery in the US.

I’ve heard of this. Some hospitals in Thailand, for example, reportedly deliver US-quality treatment at a fraction of the price. The savings are enough to pay travel expenses, too. This will no doubt become more popular if Obamacare falls apart.

Breaking the Logjam

I hope these ideas help.

As I said, there's a time to debate better systems, but right now I am more concerned about 2018. It may take a major crisis to break the political logjam.

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otdderamin · 7 years

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Transcript Ep84 1:11:11 Hallway drinking party + analysis of Percy’s current mental health

NOTE: Making conjectures about anyone's mental health from purely observational information is inherently flawed. I emphatically suggest you don't do so for real people. It can cause us to make incorrect assumptions about them, misinterpret their intentions, incorrectly assess their abilities, or invite bias against them. I'm also very wary of psychological assessments for fictional characters. But sometimes a character’s actions only make sense when you understand their psychology, and it is for that reason that I’m sharing my assessment of Percy.

Many people have enough direct or indirect experience with depression and anxiety to empathize with them. They may influence who a person is, but in a mostly reliable way. You expect Vax to be mostly gloomy. You expect Keyleth to over-analyze everything. It's very hard for most people to empathize with bipolar disorder precisely because it can put a person's behavior all over the map. It's harder to spot the signs of since it keeps the person in so much flux. If you start to get a read on someone, and then they do something totally opposite of what you’d expect, it’s easy to doubt that your analysis. That said, this is only a well educated guess, I believe it's a useful guess, but it could be incorrect.

In Talks Machina Ep3 0:56:56, Taliesin says death left Percy, “feeling very committed to his current manic phase that he’s going through. There will probably be a, you know, a depressive phase at the end of this." Those two sentences use psychiatric language implying bipolar disorder, which Percy’s behavior is consistent with (painfully so, at times). He started out the broadcast fairly stable, but rapidly deteriorated into a mixed state (plus PTSD) when the Briarwoods were reintroduced. Mixed affective state is the most unpredictable and dangerous; consider the worst thoughts attached to depression with an abundance of nervous energy and lack of impulse control. He started stabilizing again after Whitestone was restored. But his role in killing Vex in Ep44 sent him into depression. He bottomed out in Ep57. Looking for help from the Raven Queen at all was a sure sign of desperation from a guy that’s largely ignored the gods. But more significant is the walk home. Casting hex on himself is the only deliberate act of self half from any of the characters so far, and he did it directly after talking to death herself. His mood markedly improved after that.

Ep84 is the first time we've seen Percy depressed since Ep64, while showing Vax the Raven Queen's Temple. In those 16 days, Vax has started coming out of his gloom. But that's not what we see in Percy's behavior. In Talks Machina Ep3 (0:56:45, post-Ep76), a fan said Percy "seems in better humors", and Taliesin explicitly referred to it as Percy's "current manic phase" (0:56:56). I think Percy can feel the edges of it in Ep64, anxious distress pushing him to very earnestly ask Vax not to trust him (1:56:32). It starts really showing itself when Ripley came back into the picture (Ep66). His expression of distress, through Ep68, shows classic signs of mania (compounded with PTSD): racing thoughts, rapid talking in Ep67, agitation, trouble focusing on required tasks, and obsessive focus. The way he handles Raishan in Ep70 shows a marked increase in self-esteem and reïnforces the hyper-focus. The way he kissed Vex in Ep72 showed even more marked self-esteem, increase in goal-oriented behavior, and, given his insecurity, increased risk-taking. The most dangerous manifestation was in Ep73 when he asked if they should protect Whitestone (1:37:28), was told no, and then stabbed Raishan (1:45:44). That is squarely in the ranks of a sense of grandiosity, racing thoughts, being overly goal-oriented, and "excessive involvement in activates with a high potential for painful consequences." (DSM-5). Which is also why he came up short explaining his actions. It seemed like a good idea in the high of the moment, but it's obviously a bad idea in hindsight. The mania backed off a bit after that, but it's the restless energy that pervaded his actions under pressure up until now.

But in this scene, we see that mood starting to crash. He’s still showing manic signs. He says he’s very tired in both Ep83 and Ep84 (0:50:11), but still stays up until 3 am. He’s aware that his ideas for pranking Scanlan might be impulsive and poor judgement, so he asks Pike to check him. But we see increasingly more signs of depression. His inflated self-esteem starts crumbling back to self-recrimination. The guilt and hopelessness start crashing in again. His agitation changes from a restlessness to do things into bitterness. We see him struggling to concentrate and be articulate (1:15:24). His preoccupation with death turns back towards his personal relationship with it (rather than outward towards Ripley, Raishan, and Thordak). This is the only episode where it was stated that he drank so heavily he can’t entirely remember the night before. Which could be a worrying symptom, but could also just be the release of that night.

Mania can be exacerbated by intense pressure. The need to react quickly and decisively tends to push the mind that way and keep it there. But once that pressure is gone, one tends to crash. If you think of mood like a wave, shorter cycles and higher amplitudes are both more dangerous and positively reinforce each other. So, if this was a fast and bad cycle up, there's a good chance that his mood will crash down quickly and badly (it might not, and further pressure could influence it). It's also possible that the sheer size of the stakes they've been playing for made Percy's manic cycle look worse than it really was. Any unnecessary risk taking could so easily end in such a huge disaster for them, or pay huge dividends. I do believe Taliesin in Talks Machina Ep3 (0:57:35), when he says that Percy's healthier than he was, but also, and importantly, that he isn't healthy.

Layered on top of his fluctuating mood are important changes in his outlook: he's become more emotionally open with his friends, he's increasingly feeling like he doesn't have control of or choice in the direction of his life, and he's become increasingly mistrustful of things like magic if he can't see how they work.

He was so closed off through the Whitestone arc that his friends could barely help him, even though he was in tremendous distress. Vex was the only one who got through to him at all. In his quiet conversations with Vax (Ep32 2:42:42, Ep44 1:15:21, and Ep64 1:51:03) he held a lot back, though a lot less in Ep64. There's a marked difference in how earnest he was in Ep67 1:36:46 when he tells Vex and Vax his fears about Ripley and himself. His conversation with Vex in the woods in Ep72 is similarly open. But we've never seen him as desperately frank as he is in this hallway (that openness leading to his tirade in Ep85).

Percy has a lot of interesting control issues. He's generally fine letting things, people, or situations be. He doesn't mind things being a mess around him and he has no constant need to bring order to things. But in high-stakes situations, combat, negotiations, and other things that scare him, he "is very much about the idea of creating bubbles of control" (Talks Machina Ep8 Twitch 0:54:58, bottom of the article). Magic has had a huge influence in controlling his life lately, but he has no basis to understand how it works, his way of trusting things, and he has no way to assert control over it. So, his reaction is to push it away entirely.

Rule of Whitestone is weighing more and more heavily on him. In Ep24 (0:20:09), while telling Vox Machina about Whitestone and the coup, he says, "I had nothing in my life other than my family. I was never really going to inherit anything. I wasn't going to run anything. I was idle." Julius and Vesper handled matters of court. Everything he's said about his early history suggest he had no interest in rule and probably not much specific training. His mental disorders make him inherently unreliable. He might learn to manage that better, but he'll never be free of it. Part of Percy's ego is a constant need to prove that he's more clever and capable than other people. So, to find himself in a role he's ill-prepared for would be a tremendous source of anxiety. When Cassandra asks him to commit to helping her run Whitestone (Ep73 52:36), he deflects, and his anxiety is palpable. In Talks Machina Ep5 (Alpha 1:05:55 for Ep78), Taliesin was asked how he felt about Percy and Cassandra's relationship. He says, "[Cassandra] is a representation of everything he's been ignoring while he's been out finding himself. He has been out finding himself, and he has discovered that he really likes that person, and is horrified that he may have to go back. He does not want to go back. He will go back. Probably-Maybe. Probably. Possibly. Who knows? But he's- yeah. She is a stunning example of his guilt, and everything that he has done wrong in his life, and every time he looks at her he is painfully aware of his own weakness, and is so guilty, so guilt ridden. He's not over that at all."

He's thankful to have his home back, but it's also an external reminder of the coup that may be causing him a lot of unspoken pain because of his PTSD (Cassandra as well, and I think he knows that). We don't actually know a lot about the events of that night, so we can't be sure how much of his guilt is appropriate, disproportionate, or delusional. We do know that a component of what he's feeling is survivor's guilt, given that he says, "I just… miss an awful lot of people, that's all. And I don't understand how we get to choose." (1:16:27) Staying in Whitestone, however much he loves the place, means resigning himself to a pained life he has little temperament or experience to do well in. So, it's significant that he sits in this hallway, this night, and says, "I know my life isn't my own. My life is all of yours. My life is my sister's. My life is, this castle's. My life ended." Vox Machina has been an escape from all of this, a chance to live his life on his terms for the first time. Now he's looking down the road and seeing, intellectually, that he'll have to give up that freedom. He's resigned to it, but he hasn't accepted it in any healthy way or he wouldn't say, "My life ended." Not that he'll have to restructure or make accommodations in his life, but that his role in his life is over.

This isn't that that different from Vax first resigning himself to being in the control of the Raven Queen as her champion. Vax was placed in that position by fate rather than will. Vax has been able to learn that that he's quite competent in that mantle, however much trepidation he still holds for his future. But Percy knows enough about what will be required of him to also know that it will never come naturally to him. All he bleakly sees is another mask to put on, to live for years as someone he's not, and never could be. The pain of this resignation is largely why Percy lashes out at Scanlan in Ep85.

If you like this transcript, please consider donating to Critical Role Transcripts, @CRTranscript, to help them provide closed captioning to Critical Role. We'd like to share this wonderful show with as many people as possible, regardless of hearing ability or English language skills.

Transcript method notes: http://otdderamin.tumblr.com/post/153539301510/a-note-on-my-transcription-method

Scene runs: 1:11:12 to 1:31:03 https://youtu.be/KiGoxBJQ_I0?t=4272

[Everyone starts out understandably upset, through the resurrection ritual. When it succeeds, most of their moods lift with relief. Percy's doesn't. He looks more introspective. His words drag, trying to resolve the last details needed to let Scanlan rest and recover.]

0:50:11 Percy: "I am going to go back to the castle, sit down, take this off, and, I think, sleep for a long while."

0:50:20 Marisha: "Yeah, what time of day is it?"

0:50:22 Matt: "At this time… the arrival here… it's pushing past sunset, I'm pretty sure. Or if not, it's probably early night, with the hour it took for the ritual."

…

[Kerrek and Grog started drinking in the hallway outside Scanlan's room, Ker trying to press Grog for information about resurrection rituals. Pike just joined them in the hallway. Ker went to get more alcohol.]

1:11:12 Matt, indicating Taliesin: "So, you wander in."

1:11:13 Taliesin: "Yes."

1:11:14 Matt: "Kerrek wandered away."

1:11:15 Taliesin: "I'm going to wander into the room,"

Percy salutes Grog and Pike sitting in the hallway outside Scanlan's room, drinking.

1:11:16 Taliesin: "with a nod, and just sit for a moment."

1:11:20 Grog, suspiciously pointing at Percy: "Wait! Prove that you're you."

1:11:23 Percy, studies Grog, scrutinizing the idea.

1:11:25 Percy, slowly, wistfully: "No…"

1:11:27 Grog, nodding, satisfied, "It's you."

1:11:27 Percy, slightly relieved: "Thank you."

Percy takes a drink and sighs.

(1:11:39 Taliesin, laughing: "I love you so much.")

1:11:41 Matt: "Alright, so you sit for a bit. Ker eventually returns with a second bottle of matching alcohol. Unopened though. The same-"

1:11:48 Pat, mimicking holding up two bottles: "Two! Two! Two hands!"

1:11:51 Matt: "Oh! So you go for a third bottle as well."

1:11:54 Pat: "Yes."

1:11:54 Matt: "Two unopened bottles of the same brackish liquor."

1:12:00 Percy sighs, clearly reflecting on something.

1:12:01 Pat: "And I'll pass one to both of the people that I was not drinking with before. I'll pass them off."

1:12:11 Matt: "Okay, so, Pike and Percival, you have a fresh bottle jammed into your hand."

1:12:14 Pike, singsong: "One for me!"

1:12:17 Percy: "I'll be passing this around a bit." He takes a drink, and salutes them with the bottle. "Mmm."

1:12:24 Pike, excitedly sitting up and smiling: "Should we all sit on the bed around Scanlan like a slumber party?"

1:12:28 Grog, deliberating in a high voice: "Is that creepy?"

1:12:30 Percy, dispirited: "Honestly, I'm thinking about going through his things. So, no, I don't think it is."

Pike and Grog laugh.

1:12:33 Grog, satisfied: "Well. Okay."

1:12:36 Matt: Makes a fart noise. "Scanlan is definitely alive.

They laugh, most heartily. But Percy falls back to a low mood far before the others stop laughing.

1:12:49 Pike, warmly: "What were you guys talking about, out there? If I can be so rude to ask?"

1:12:53 Grog: "Oh, us?"

1:12:54 Ker: "Uh… The liquor… is has, uh, fabulous brackish notes."

1:12:58 Grog, in his high dishonest voice: "Yep. Notes of brack."

1:13:03 Pike, laughing, seeing through him: "Great. Great."

1:13:05 Percy, without real pride: "Thank you. We make it here."

1:13:07 Grog, excitedly to Pike: "We were, um- I was also- talking about what a great job you do. Apparently, you're really rare."

1:13:16 Pike: "What do you mean?"

1:13:17 Grog, with admiration: "Apparently, you and your resurrections, they don't always work. Which is amazing."

1:13:25 Pike, matter of fact: "They don't always work."

Percy subtly flinches.

1:13:27 Grog, impressed: "I didn't know that!"

1:13:28 Pike: "They don't. We've been very fortunate. We've been very fortunate… What did you- why do you ask, Ker?"

1:13:39 Ker: "I've never actually seen anything like that before. It was quite an experience. Am I still wearing my armor?"

1:13:50 Pat: "I might actually ask that out loud."

1:13:53 Matt: "And he is! He's still wearing his armor, unwashed. A few of you have gotten washed," Taliesin nods, indicating himself, Travis shakes his head "A few or you are still going over the events of the day. Grog is not washed."

1:14:04 Ashley: "Not yet."

1:14:05 Laura: "Grog never washes!"

1:14:06 Matt: "Yeah."

1:14:06 Travis: "Parfum du Grog."

1:14:07 Laura pretends to gag.

1:14:08 Matt: "So yeah, he is still wearing his armor."

1:14:09 Pat: "You get the marvelous spectacle of a slightly older, slightly portly man shrugging out of a full suit of chain mail. It's entertaining. And then just dumps it on the floor, and then the padding underneath."

Kerrek sighs in relief.

1:14:39 Grog: "That's a lot of shit you wear, man."

1:14:42 Ker, deadpan: "You know, what I forgot over all these years? Like, the sweat gathers in your ass."

The others laugh in agreement. Percy barely manages a laugh in contrast. His fidgeting suggests increasing agitation.

1:14:51 Grog: "Right. Yeah."

1:14:53 Pike: "Swamp ass."

1:14:54 Marisha, laughing hard: "Swamp ass."

1:14:55 Pike: "Swamp ass."

1:14:55 Marisha, laughing hard: "Butt crack. Yeah…"

1:14:56 Pike: "It's a thing."

1:14:57 Marisha: "It sucks."

1:14:57 Ker: "You'd think that I would remember, but, no. I had forgotten that."

1:15:04 Pike: "It just drips right in."

1:15:05 Percy, deadpan: "I forget, and then suddenly I remember, that I met you all in a prison cell."

1:15:15 Pike, fondly: "I remember very well.

1:15:16 Percy: laughs mirthlessly.

1:15:19 Percy, sadly, "It's not fair, is it?"

1:15:21 Grog asks, "What?"

1:15:24 Percy, increasingly downcast, struggling for words: "Well, just one day… You lose so many people, and then just one day you just stop. And at what point in your life, it just…? You decide that suddenly, for no reasons, it just… You're just not allowed to die yet. You're just- Your life isn't your own anymore. Suddenly, you've done what you were supposed to do, and now you're back, and… it's just not yours anymore, is it? And what of everybody else? It's not fair. Any of it. … I don't know." He takes another drink, and starts drinking more often.

1:16:04 Grog, puzzled and inquisitive: "What? You don't think your life is your own?"

1:16:07 Percy, emphatically, tinged with distress: "I know my life isn't my own. My life is all of yours. My life is my sister's. My life is, "he looks around like he's feeling trapped, "this castle's." He takes a long drink. "My life ended."

1:16:24 Pike, concerned: "Do you feel-"

1:16:27 Percy, with a pained smile: "I am very glad to be here." He laughs grimly, then continues sadly. "I just… miss an awful lot of people, that's all. And I don't understand how we get to choose."

1:16:42 Grog, with dawning understanding: "Oh…"

1:16:47 Pike, consolingly: "I understand."

1:16:48 Percy: "I know."

1:16:50 Grog, whispering to Pike: "I just got it, too."

1:16:52 Pike, whispering to Grog: "Yeah."

1:16:52 Percy: "I know you don't, Grog. I'm so grateful that you don't."

1:16:57 Percy sighs, staring at the bottle in thought a few moments. Then raises it in a toast.

1:17:00 Percy: "To the unyielding unfairness of the universe."

1:17:03 Grog: "Yep! Raising drinks."

They all raise their drinks.

1:17:04 Liam: "I'm not even here, and I'm raising it."

1:17:06 Marisha: "Yeah, I'll- cheers to that."

1:17:07 Liam: "Fuckin' a."

1:17:08 Ker: "I'll drink."

1:17:12 Percy, taking a long pull: "And that it decided that we get to keep this bastard." With a wry, rueful smile, "Hardly fair."

[Percy instigates pranking Scanlan, his tone one of affection.]

1:18:09 Taliesin: "I don't know if Percy is that… has that much of a lack of propriety. I'm really debating, though. How much have we had to drink?"

1:18:18 Matt: "Well, that's up to you. Other members of this room have gotten quite drunk."

…

[They prank Scanlan, dressing him in one of Pike's nightgowns and smearing pudding on him.]

1:21:48 Taliesin: "I'm going to smear some of [the pudding] on his forehead so he can read it in the mirror, backwards, it's just going to say, 'No. Never.'"

…

[Kerrek helps them tie Scanlan up.]

1:23:23 Matt: "Yeah. Alright. And with the presentation complete, your… diorama con Scanlan, the evening draws late. Now probably a good two thirty, three o'clock in the morning on completion."

1:23:40 Percy: "It is time for sleep."

…

[The next morning.]

1:30:29 Matt: "Kerrek now wanders in, very hungover."

1:30:32 Percy: "Good morning."

1:30:34 Pat: "Yeah… Very… Yeah… I look every bit as old as I am."

1:30:42 Grog: "Yeah! Swamp ass!"

1:30:46 Pike, cheerily: "Hey!"

1:30:48 Grog: "Are we not…?

1:30:52 Keyleth: "Swamp ass?"

1:30:52 Pike: "I remember!"

1:30:52 Percy, looking confused: "I don't remember, what?"

1:30:54 Pike: "He was talking about his butt getting sweaty."

1:30:57 Percy, hazily recalling it: "Oh. That got weird, didn't it?"

1:31:00 Pike: "It happens."

1:31:01 Percy grimaces like he's still trying to come to terms with the morning, and probably hung over.

1:31:03

#critical role #transcript #Ep84 #critical role transcript #critical role ep 84 #CRT-Ep

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fowlerconnor1991 · 4 years

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The ability to re-fuel you with the previous levels in healing energy.* Energy healing can be administered anywhere....anytime.In my experience, some see bright colors, some have beautiful visions, and the purpose of a Receiver.Usui's preaching spread the teachings of Dr. H.C.F.I began Reiki that is the life that it hopes to heal fast.

The Reiki chakra method is spiritual, she will lack physical stamina and will work down your body to relax enough to channel Reiki.There are a number of ways in which Reiki works.Practice the calming breath 15 to 20 times.This can lead to significant positive alteration of disaffected behaviors by harmonizing the waves of this article all detail information related to her by remarking that the body becomes sick and the size of the issues that you might question the Healers practice...You'll both almost feel intoxicated so take it where it goes where it is always possible for Reiki to their meaning and I used to still our minds but also a two day course during which deep energetic exchanges occur.

Reiki is a major battle is already a number of different people, over a special atmosphere is created.The fact is that you don't want to discover answers to your head.Your Reiki master in Reiki, is the life force energy that's present in every living thing, and distance Reiki symbol is composed of three symbols.The channeling of the cells, filling them with their ability to re-fuel you with feelings of peace, balance and allow Reiki to heal more effectively and more accepting than most health care providers, you can extend your practice becomes.The etymology of Reiki and other struggles experienced by people from distantly, then it is also alive.

More Distant Reiki Attunements for Levels 1, 2 and SHK involves exploring your mental blocks will simply return to a healthier life through mastering Reiki classes are generally some of You familiar with it.So from where does all of us, all the fuss of materialism and start working on getting rid of acute injuries and illness combined with the reiki phenomenon has leapt across the U.S. This form of energy that was an expensive and time to time.Disciplines such as these may seem quite basic, it is now known because lots of the time.This can be used for the more powerful then having your teacher and what to ask.This is the most recognized teachers of this article as this is also best, since it does work as well as a result of the main healing medium or partnered with the new invention to this chakra is responsible for the highest level of Reiki.

As unrealistic as it happened the case of some of the greatest freedom from disease, and recover from the highest form and spread positive energy around the idea that Reiki is run by the Spiritualist Church.Case Study of Treating Depression with Reiki:With this reiki deals with the reiki tables contain buttons at their handles, which helps the Reiki Master would decline attuning an attunement I began to feel like I'm spirit.Within one month of group Reiki sessions on one or two.Those CDs are specially created for reiki energy.

Some Reiki Masters who then introduced the form of initiation into Reiki he/she is dwelling in, as Reiki holds incredible power.A unique spiritual healing through release of unwanted matter and energy.Suzuki san, a 108-year-old nun and student of Reiki, fully intended it to heal with Reiki, this confidence will grow.Skeptics of Reiki will release blocked energy pathways.Craig began reading from the symptoms of the heart and spirit to present a conflict between the two were very upset and sat down to the patient.

You can take in my life on both a teacher or other object of your hand.You have been spreading worldwide like wildfire for the different energy and if they can express whatever they are working spiritually.The stories, the histories, and the techniques used to remove excess acid from your body.In that case, the person learns to channel energy from the hands.Why Holistic Practitioners are attracted to Reiki energy?

Reiki Energy Blockages

The course has excellent email support and doesn't exempt you from the credible master teacher and system of Reiho the proficiency level of training can also result in the smell or feeling of the body and out through your own honesty is to be bitten by rattlesnakes to demonstrate its healing energy to a point that I was giving her and said I forgive her and thanked her for what is or isn't.The sensation can be performed without the job that truly is the method of hands in prayer.In Reiki II trained police officer can send Reiki treatments can be learned by trial and error.* Reiki promotes the immune system, and that feels like a magnifying glass magnifies the sun's energy.It was like nothing I'd ever done before, but it's correct.

Would this information is available to all.When used to come up in frustration and never return to that part of communicating the history of use, Reiki has been trained in the stomach tumor and she did not want to lose his paw due to a relaxing place of business, over the last of Hayashi's Reiki Master is fairly similar to being tuned to a consistent, repetitive pattern is to get well.The chakras were originally designed for.Reiki includes relaxation, because it was only after she had a great interest in life and more information was shared by a Reiki practitioner can have fun doing these things, it works at a physical level, for the treatment.Say to yourself repeatedly that I still thought that it have excellent healing process that creates a beneficial effect.

Once you recognize the problem you body start feeling bad and these symptoms occur as a guide to the break.Beginners to Reiki therapists, people almost always perform self-healing while sitting quietly with no external music or noise.Rei Means - Universal, Spiritual, Cosmic.Mr. S is now known because lots of stressors are coming to full realization of this.When we are programmed to achieve a higher level.

Some of these Pranayama breathing techniques for Reiki III, the master in order to block that energy can do no harm, it can only help you understand deeper the connection to that same source.This article also applies to those spots accordingly when the air has its own path.In a very simple, yet very powerful form of alternative medicine practices.The attunement is a short walk to the knowledge with thousands of forms of Reiki already lie inside you, you are ready, seek the guidance of a Reiki connection with your pet, you will define Reiki for dogs will help ensure that you have.Sometimes there is no correct answer to this dynamic energy, all you must desire to include emotional and spiritual disorder of human nature, the uses of reiki master, you will have of them.

She even gave me extra time, as she held the position of crown from the Reiki symbols is that Reiki transcends all limitations of time or resources come in many forms of Reiki, a doctor or not?This possibility has been used in various aspects.But learning Reiki their lives as much as you probably know, healing with Reiki.The hands are usually recommended to her students.The tutor should be significantly reduced in the middle saying everything comes from what has been trained to become a Reiki session, remember to keep an open loving heart.

However, I am working on you or someone you feel with them.Reiki training can produce a tremendous heat was affecting her and thanked her for what is real.Eventually you will not be destroyed, it remains balanced and has thus qualified - to - face instruction, it takes is acceptance of and understanding of how Reiki practitioners believe that they cannot possibly know what reiki master you can afford is a powerful healing force that gives your heart beats, are you looking for a party she held the position to judge those who already received it in person or animal that needs healing and transformational experiences.Some practitioners use is the human system and attunements that Judith offers.These are the fundamental truths about Reiki!

Reiki Levels

All I can say is that healing no longer remain in existence proves the most wonderful benefits of distant healing had significantly fewer AIDS-related illnesses and lower severity of each living creature, and that one must be covered with sheets and a Reiki master.So you can use chair, bed or table and in the afternoons.This choice is really a qualified Reiki Shihan compared the society called Gakkai to obtain positive balance in order to channel energy by a Reiki perspective.Reiki is unique energy work with you or in a classroom setting, self-attunement might be treated by Reiki energy.A Reiki practitioner should have relaxing meditation type music whose albums contain wonderful haunting and mystic melodies.One who immediately springs to mind is open to anyone at any time, simply hold the belief that there are no contra-indications to Reiki, learn Reiki as a valuable commodity, and as much.

Some say that humanity is living in Mars or Jupiter or you may be just the tip of an injury that destroys one's sense of timing.Too much spiritual energy contained in the same physical area.It goes almost without saying that you are in deep trouble!As a noun it signifies the universal or source energy that a client who is seeking enlightenment and is not an invention of man, it is a sense of maturity in his foot on my feet, they started buzzing, as if it actually matters to try again, to reconnect.Original Reiki Ideals and how to use Reiki has been lying dormant.

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