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horseshoegirl · 11 months

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Damn Those Dog Tags: Part 12 - Blue Healer

📜... so... about Sadie... 🫣👀

I just want to thank you again for all the support on this story. It's so strange to believe we are halfway to the end! Thank you to each and everyone one of you who take the time to read, comment and reblog!

Also, It's my b-day tomorrow! 🥳So this one is a little longer!

❗+18, strong language, godmother reader/original female character, original child, shitty family dynamics, hospital settings, hurt child, Angst, conversations about grief, this is a sad one!

#7k Words

Part 11 | Masterlist | Part 13

Jake had been standing in his kitchen, counting down the minutes before he could pick you up for your second date, when he had the sudden urge to call Janet.

She answered on the fourth ring.

"What's wrong? You never call me."

"Well, hello to you too, Janet.

He could hardly blame his sister for the greeting. Whenever he called, it was usually only to tell her he was still alive or if he was being stationed. The last time they spoke, Janet had called to chew him out for not letting her know he had returned home.

"Who did you murder, or where are they sending you off next?"

Jake smirked into the phone. "Can't I ask my pregnant sister how she is doing?"

"Fine," she replied shortly. "Pregnant. Putting up with our shitty family."

She sighed loudly, continuing, "What's happening in your world, Little Brother? Still kicking ass up there?"

"Damn straight," he remarked. "How's the Bean?"

"Due any day now, Thank god. My bladder has shrunk to the size of a pea.

Jake shook his head fondly. "You still don't want to know?"

"Nope, absolutely not," her voice was firm. "Ma keeps coming up with baby names, and the hell-bringer thinks we are naming it after him because he brought me into this world," she made a gagging sound. "This way, they can't convince the hospital of whatever name they want."

"I wouldn't put it past them," Jake said aloud, leaning against the wall beside his fridge.

It was an unspoken rule between himself and Janet that they wouldn't refer to their father as anything other than 'the Hell-Bringer." Janet had started calling him that one day out of the blue, and it had stuck ever since.

"When is Bean going to have an aunt to go with their new uncle?" she whined. "Janet," he sighed.

"What?" she cried out. "You're my last hope. George can't even hold a relationship, and Melaine will have no interest once this thing is born."

Jake grimaced. "He and Stacy didn't make it past the three-month mark?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Stacey? He was with Sarah."

"Oh," Jake replied, sensing he knew precisely what happened in that regard, Janet catching on with a disappointing sigh. "Dammit, George."

There was silence on the other end, and Jake decided it was time to admit the reason behind his call. "Actually, I might be seeing someone."

Janet drew in a sharp breath. "Seeing someone? As properly dating seeing someone? Not the bed them and ditch them the type of dating?"

"Janet."

"Oh my god, you know I joke about it, but I cannot believe someone actually decided to date and put up your annoying ass," she remarked.

"I could say the same about you and Ian. He practically had to force the ring on your finger."

"We aren't talking about my love life here, Jacob," she challenged. "Now, tell me. Who is she? Is it Elizabeth?"

Jake remained silent, his hand coming up to stroke the back of his neck. "Shit," she gasped. "You finally made your move. God help her."

"Janet."

"I can't believe you did it."

"What makes you say it's Liz?"

She scoffed. Jake could picture her standing in the farmhouse kitchen, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. "I'm not an idiot. I know my brother. You've never spoken about anyone the way you do about Elizabeth. And her niece."

He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit it each time Janet called. He almost always spoke about you and Sadie. And Janet would press and ask her questions. Looking back on it now, she probably knew something long before he did.

"It's early days, Janet."

"I'm happy for you, Jake," he could hear her smile through the phone. "I really am."

"Can you not.." he started to say before Janet interrupted him, calling out, " Do I want to see you killed? Absolutely not. Who do you think I am?"

Before Jake could reply, another voice on Janet's end startled him."What's this I hear about little Jakey getting himself a girlfriend?"

Jake thumped his head against the wall. "Fuck, is that George?"

"When I leave the front porch to take a phone call, it clearly means I want to be alone, George."

George's voice was muffled through his phone speaker as Jake caught his reply, "How long do you think it will be before she dumps him? I give it a week."

"Not your circus, not your monkey, asshole!" Janet called out.

"Come on, Janet. The black sheep of the family doesn't date. I might have to fly out to California and see this mystery woman with my own eyes. Or has Jakey's imaginary little friend from middle school come back?"

There was a scuffle on the other end of the line, and Jake thought he heard George yell out pain before he suddenly shouted, "Fuck Janet, let me go!"

Jake knew what she was doing to him. He had been on the receiving end of it countless times enough to know George would be bent over, Janet with a tight grip on his ear and tugging down hard. He couldn't help the grin on his face.

"You say anything about this to Ma or the hell bringer or even think about flying down to California, I will personally make sure you'll get a pitchfork up your ass," he heard her seethe at him. "You ruin this for him, pregnant or not, I will do it."

There was no way in hell Jake would ever entertain the idea of George visiting him here, let alone meet you or Sadie. It wasn't that he didn't trust you, you clearly could handle yourself, and Sadie was no different.

But George had a way of tainting everything good in his life. He had been compared to his brother for things he should have done better for most of his life.

Despite his words, Jake couldn't help but tease his brother, knowing he could hear him. "I'd listen to her, Georgie. Janet and pregnancy hormones ... not a good mix."

"I'm just teasing him, Janet."

"I dare you to say that one more time."

"You know as well as I, Ma and Dad won't be thrilled about him dating some girl they've never met."

"So shut your trap, never speak about this, and get your ass to the barn. Ian needs help with the haybales," she fumed.

There was a scuffle, and then Jake thought he heard the ranch back door close shut before Janet sighed into the phone. "Some days, I wonder if he really is our brother."

"Jan, if he tells them..."

"Forget about what's happening back home. I'll take care of it," she said, trying to calm Jake down. "When are you seeing her again?"

"Tonight. I've got something planned, but I don't know how Liz will take it." If he timed everything perfectly, as he had discussed with Maverick, the two of you should make it just before sunset.

"Don't tell me my fearsome navy pilot brother is nervous?" she teased him. When Jake didn't reply, Janet took pity on him. "It's cause you like her, you idiot. It's a good thing."

Jake let out a soft chuckle.

"Let me know how it goes, okay?"

After saying their goodbyes, Jake picked up the keys Maverick loaned him and decided he might as well arrive early and wait with you.

Little did he know it then, it was a good thing he did.

---

This small hospital waiting room had clearly never seen the likes of an entire squad from Top Gun gracing its mismatched seats. They were used to this, sitting in uncomfortable chairs, the long-standing hours of hearing no news, the apprehension of slight dread hanging over their heads.

This was different from those situations, though. Not the 'No New, is Good News' kind of thing. Some of the Squad's faces were etched in worry, others stoic as they tapped nervously on the armrests of their chairs.

Jake didn't pay them much mind, wanting to punch something or pace the room. You hadn't said a word to him when he placed Sadie into your arms, kneeling next to you, still mindful of putting pressure on her head. Or when the paramedics arrived, and you forced yourself to hand her over, when he pulled you back into his arms as they worked. Or when you climbed into the back of the ambulance.

"Please tell me you at least got one punch in," Rooster asked, head in his hands as he sat across from Jake.

Jake didn't bother looking up, hunched over in his chair, knowing Bradley was referring to the state of his face. The bruises had set in, the cut on his lip still undressed, and even the nurses at the front desk were urging him to be admitted.

"One," he admitted after a second before sighing. "But not with Sadie watching."

Bradley nodded absentmindedly. While he was pleased with the answer, deep down he wished he hadn't let Tyler go. Jake sat back in his chair, his mind pondering what you told him.

"Tyler ran her sister off the road during that storm."

Sitting next to Jake, Nat sharply turned her head at the mention of Ridley. "What?! He killed her?!"

Jake nodded. "Liz wasn't specific, but putting the pieces together, Tyler's father is running for some electoral bid."

Bob pipped up from his seat beside Nat, filling in the gaps. "So the attempt to kidnap Sadie was some PR save?"

Nobody replied to him. It was obvious his question was rhetorical. And nobody wanted to say out loud what had transpired. Knowing Sadie was somewhere in this hospital fighting for her life was enough.

Mav came and sat next to Bradley, sitting in the empty chair next to him. "I called Cyclone. He's calling in a few favours."

"Favours?" Bradley asked. Pete nodded, pocketing his phone. Penny placed a hand on his shoulder from her spot next to him. "He knows an admiral where Tyler's father is running for office."

"God. Cyclone is getting involved," Fanboy remarked from behind Pete. Coyote leaned forward, inquiring, "Why?

Maverick shook his head, not bothering to offer an explanation other than, "When I asked, he said it's Sadie."

Everyone agreed. It was Sadie. And if anyone could have won Cyclone over, Sadie would have been the one to do it. But Jake didn't join in on the conversation, too caught up in the realization even as he fought hard on that beach, he had failed the second Sadie fell.

Unknown to Jake, he was currently the focal point for Rooster's stare, watching every move he made, every facial expression as each thought and emotion crossed his face. Bradley opened his mouth, ready to ask the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since they had arrived until a voice interrupted him.

"I'm assuming you're all here for Ms. Beck?"

Everyone in the room turned to face an older nurse holding a clipboard. Penny was the first to launch herself out of her chair and step forward to ask, "Is she okay?"

The nurse looked at everyone in the room before glancing back at Penny, "Are all of you family?"

There was no hesitation in the way everyone in the room nodded. The nurse paused before announcing, "Sadie's still asleep but stable."

Everyone collectively sighed at the nurse's words. Then she added, "Elizabeth asked for Sadie's uncle to join her."

Nobody protested when Rooster started to stand. But then the nurse asked, "If I could have Mr. Seresin follow me, she's just back here."

Jake's headshot to the nurse, eyes wide. There was no way you'd want him there, not after she got hurt.

He had been too late.

"Are you sure you got the right person, mam?" he said, looking pointedly at Bradley, who had sat back down in shock and anger. She peered down at Jake from over the top rim of her glasses, a slight smirk on her face. "She said the blonde one."

Jake didn't bother looking back at the group when he stood. He could hear Rooster sputtering when he walked through the back doors and under flickering fluorescent lights. She led him through countless archways and winding halls till she stopped at the door, a police officer stationed just outside in a chair. He gave a tense nod to Jake before returning to his paperwork.

"Stay as long as you'd like," the nurse told him softly. "Your niece is one lucky girl."

He didn't hear her, too focused on your back through the crack in the door. He pushed it open, forcing himself to face you finally.

There was a sombre stillness in the room, Jake hesitating as he stood behind you. Sadie's small figure was engulfed in stark white sheets, multiple different wires snaking around her body. She was pale, and her head had been wrapped in a thick white bandage.

And you, not even turning your head as he came into the room, too focused on counting her breaths and watching the steady beep of her heart rate monitor. Jake couldn't see your face but could tell you were trying to hold in your tears.

He slowly gripped the back of a nearby chair to pull it closer to you, sitting down and placing his hand on top of yours that was squeezing Sadie's hand lightly.

"She has a concussion," you said, still not looking up. "And she lost a lot of blood."

He didn't say anything, deciding to stroke the back of your hand with his thumb.

"They say it could have been worse," you sniffed, wiping at your nose. "Had you not gotten there in time, it probably would have."

You tilted your head back, eyes closed, finally allowing yourself to take your eyes off Sadie for a moment before turning your chair towards Jake without looking up. The thread hanging from a rip in his jeans seemed more interesting than facing him.

But Jake carefully reached up to gently press lightly at the bruise on your cheek. You tilted your head into his touch, the action releasing the pent-up anxiety and emotions you had kept at bay for Sadie since you saw her in Jake's arms. He reached for your waist, pulling you close to the edge of your seat as the first sob crawled up your throat.

"He hasn't been around since Ridley found out she was pregnant. We made sure he couldn't get to Sadie," you sobbed, burying your face in the fabric of his shirt. Jake held you tightly as you cried, "Did I fail her? Did I fail them both?!"

"Don't go there, Liz. You couldn't have stopped him. This is all his doing, not yours."

You opened your eyes to a stain of dried blood near his shoulder, Jake standing on the beach in your peripheral vision coming to mind.

Sitting up sharply, you took in his face, small gasps escaping your lips as you trailed your fingers lightly over his lip, then the darkening bruises. He caught your hand, bringing your fingers to his mouth, "I've had worse."

Lowering your hand, he kissed your swollen wrist delicately. You sniffed, stroking the buzz-cut strains of hair behind his ear. "That doesn't mean you should."

With one glance back at Sadie, you urged him to stay as you stood, quickly going to the bathroom. Her nurse had tried to convince you to let them look at your face. You had vehemently refused, not for one second leaving Sadie alone if you could help it.

Despite your stand-offish attitude, she was kind enough to leave a makeshift first-aid kit, not really knowing the extent of your injuries, in some blind hope, you would take care of yourself. Damping a cloth, you picked up the plastic bag and returning to Jake.

He protested when you reached up with the cloth to dab at his lip. You shot him a look that instantly shut him up. Pressing it lightly against his skin, you urged, "If I don't do something, I will lose it, Jake. Let me take care of you."

Whether it had been bar fights or something else, Jake wasn't used to somebody else taking care of him, flitching as you tried to wipe at his lip, shushing him each time gently. He let you clean up the cut in silence, knowing his eyes were fixed on you as you worked.

And it bothered you, thinking his stare was pity or judgement. But the thing about Jake was you never felt like you had to hide around him. That you never had to put the mask up. But with everything that had happened, with Sadie lying hurt on the bed next to the two of you, with learning Ridley was murdered and Tyler was still out there, you were on the verge of caving hard.

"Thank you will never be enough, Jake."

His shoulders sagged. "Don't. Not yet," he spoke, turning his head towards Sadie. Your fingers trembled as you worked to peel back the wrapper of a Steri-Strip.

"I thought you would hate me. Me leaving you like that and Sadie..."

Biting your lip, you carefully placed the strip over his lip before flexing your fingers to take his face into your hands. "How could I hate you, Jake?" you whispered concerningly. "You put her first."

"She still got hurt, trying to stop him."

It didn't surprise you; Sadie was more courageous than anyone you had ever met.

"It's not your fault, Jake. It's mine," you stated, nodding your head. "I should have done more. I should have realized sooner it was Tyler. I should have gone to the police and fought harder. Realized that white fucking car was more than paranoia."

Jake shushed you, placing his forehead onto yours. "You couldn't have prepared for any of this, Liz. Tyler, Ridley... Sadie here and now. You couldn't have known."

You let out a sob as Jake said, "It's nobody's fault but that asshole's."

Then you heard it.

"Uncle Jake?"

The both of you shot up from your seats, coming to sit on either side of her bed as she tried to force her eyes open. You shushed her, cupping her cheek as you said, "Sadie? Sweetheart?"

And just like that, she opened her eyes.

You wanted to sob.

"Where am I?" She said to the ceiling before looking at you and closing them again. You tried to hide the tears from your voice as you told her, "You're in the hospital, Bug. You hit your head."

She wiggled on the bed, a groan escaping her lips as she weakly reached up to touch the bandage on her head. "I did?"

Sadie pinched her brow as everything came back to her. The glass breaking, her running, and then the panic she felt at seeing her uncle pinned to the sand.

She cried out in a panic, her eyes opening and shooting towards you, "Uncle Jake! Where is Uncle Jake?!"

"I'm right here, Bug."

She turned to glance at him, her mouth dropping open in shock as she saw the patches of blue and purple covering his face. Then she looked back at you, taking in the darkness of the skin around your eye, making her bottom lip quiver.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, her body starting to shake as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry!"

"Sadie, what are you sorry for? It's not your fault."

But she shook her head, her face riddled in pain as she exclaimed, "He hurt you. The both of you. Because of me."

"No bug, please don't think that," you whined. "It's mine. I should have protected you better. It's never, never your fault. "

You felt Jake place a hand on your back. "Don't play the blame game, Liz. It's not your fault either."

Sadie's face softened as she absorbed Jake's words. She gasped, trying to control her breathing. "Then it's his fault then. The one who hurt all of us."

She said it so simply, so child-like, you were scared you couldn't own up to the answer- to an unspoken promise. Yet, you swallowed, nodding with a tense smile.

"Are we going to be okay?"

"Yes," Jake answered Sadie's question for you. "I'm going to make sure of it."

"I'll go get the nurse," you said softly, stroking her cheek one last time before getting up to walk out the door. Jake watched you leave before sliding himself forward to hold Sadie's hand. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand before weakly murmuring, "I heard you."

"What?"

"When you picked me up, I heard you."

"Sadie..."

" I don't care what you're going to say," she croaked. "I'd do it again."

"I can take care of myself, Bug. I'm the adult who needs to look out for you. You don't need to look out for me."

"This is why you have trouble making friends," she pointed out. Jake smiled softly at her before saying, "You're my friend."

"I'm your wingman. We made a promise."

"I don't think we were facing Ursula this time, Bug."

Sadie yawned, turning her head into her pillow as she faintly murmured, "This time, it was the loch ness monster."

"Really?" Jake chuckled lowly, still holding her hand. "Another Sea Monster?"

"You're the one that flies over the ocean. I'm just sticking with the theme."

---

Once Sadie had been given the all-clear, Jake asked if he could bring her anything from home. You handed him your key, too worn out to protest, asking if he could grab the Navy Teddy bear from the fair off Sadie's bed and her overnight bag from Penny.

Each Dagger made the trek to her room, one by one, seeing for themselves that she was alright. Sadie tried to stay awake for each one, fighting off the threat of sleep, till Bradley decided to stay with you in Jake's absence.

Like you, he couldn't stop staring at her as she breathed, only occasionally glancing at the door. Even with the police officer stationed outside, Bradley was acting like a guard dog, always standing between you and the door at all times.

She passed out the minute she was able to, and you couldn't help but worry about what tomorrow would look like when you'd get to bring her home.

"Why was Jake there?" Bradley asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

You regarded him momentarily, wanting to tell him the real reason. But you weren't prepared nor ready for the emotional blowout. And it wasn't the right time or right the place. So you shrugged. "It's the Hard Deck, Bradley. Why do people go to a bar on a Friday afternoon?"

He didn't say anything, his face hard like he was lost in concentration, watching the rise and fall of Sadie's chest. And why you had the urge to suddenly ask him the following question, especially now, of all moments, you had no idea.

Maybe you knew Bradley would be honest with you here and now and wouldn't try to pass you off or find a way to escape it. Or perhaps it was your way of forgetting the weight of all the information you learned today. So in a moment of bravery, you asked, "Why do you hate him so much, Bradley?"

He went to say something, lurching forward with effort, but you interrupted him, "And don't tell me it has to do with some Navy rivalry about who is the better pilot. I know that's not true."

"I am the better pilot," he mumbled under his breath, falling back into his seat.

"You are both equally as good as each other. You just have different means of doing it. But that's beside the point."

He stared at the floor, his eyes wide, as he thought about his answer. Not that you were feeling any better, but Sadie waking up had eased the burden and allowed you to ask somewhat playfully, "Please tell me you don't have a crush on me?"

Bradley's eyes shot up to yours before he made a gagging sound. "Oh, good lord, no. You're like my little sister." His shoulders shook as if a chill had shot down his spine. "Please don't ever put that image in my head again."

You stuck your tongue out at him before looking down at Sadie, a small smile gracing your lips. He shared your smile, not that you noticed, before admitting quietly, "It's Sadie."

You raised your eyebrows at him. "Sadie?"

"Remember the mission we keep talking about? The one that brought us all together?"

You nodded.

"He said something about my dad."

"He told me he did," you admitted, taking in Bradley's pensive stare. "He regrets it, not that it means much after the fact."

His father had always been a sore subject. Sure, he talked about him from what he could remember. Their shared love of music, playing the piano, and the same taste in vacation dad t-shirts. But he always clammed up regarding the accident, his reason for joining the Navy and wanting to fly.

"Jake does not regret anything he's done," Bradley snorted. "You don't know him like we do, Liz. Sooner or later, he's going to do what he does best and leave the two of you out to dry, and I don't want to see you or Bug hurt."

"Roo," you said softly. He's just proven he won't do that to Sadie." Or me, you wanted to add.

"You have so much faith in him."

You paused, sliding your hand over the blanket on Sadie's bed before replying, "I have faith in all of you. But Hangman, it's different with him."

"How?"

You didn't want to bring it up, especially now. But something in your gut was telling you it was the only thing that would get Bradley to ease up.

"Did I ever tell you why Ridley wanted to become a nurse?"

Rooster shook his head, resting his elbows on the edge of Sadie's bed.

"She believed everyone deserved a chance. That people cared," you said quietly. "Who would I be? What type of guardian would I be for Sadie if I didn't continue that? If I didn't give Jake the same curiosity?"

"I'm just worried you're going to put your faith in someone who will let you down."

"I don't know Jake as you know him. I don't have that history. But Bradley, he just went to bat for Sadie. His face is a walking mosaic. Don't tell me he will leave her, or me, out to dry after that?"

You reached out across her bed, fingers stretching out. Bradley lifted his hand from his lap to hold yours.

"Can you live with the idea that if that happens, it's my mistake to make?" you squeezed his hand once, trying to hide the quiver from your voice as you added, "The world is not perfect, Bradley."

He gave you a sad smile. "Do you want to talk about it? About Ridley?"

You swallowed hard, recoiling your hand back from his touch. "I can't. Not now."

"Liz, you need..." But he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jake appeared, Sadie's bag in hand and her Teddy bear in the other.

"How is she?" he asked, coming around to your side of the bed and dropping the bag next to your chair.

"Sleeping," you replied softly, watching as he placed the teddy bear in her arms, Sadie curling around the stuffed animal.

A furrow formed between Bradley's brow as he watched the look on Jake's face as he glanced at you. Everyone loved Sadie, there was nothing wrong with the way he had approached her. But you, there was something in Jake's eyes that told him there was something else.

Jake's eyes met Roosters, a flicker of apprehension flashing across his face, fearing his suspicions had been laid bare. But Jake didn't notice, instead nodding at him, a drawl of "Bradshaw" escaping his lips.

Bradley stood, ignoring Jake, his eyes lingering on you as he asked, "Can I have your key? I'll run a few errands to make sure your set when you bring her home."

Jake dropped your key into the palm of your hand as you replied, "Bradley, you don't have to do that."

"Liz, just let us help you."

You placed your house key into Bradley's hand, a reserved look on your face. He looked at you briefly before nodding, walking to the door, pausing, and turning to Jake.

"Hangman."

Jake's eyes followed Bradley out the door before looking back at you.

"Jake, you don't have to.." You started to say before you caught the stern look on his face, instantly shutting you up. Honestly, the last thing you wanted was to be alone in his hospital room.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not when he can still get to you both."

Every hour a nurse would come by to wake Sadie up. For the first two, you didn't want to do anything but stare at her, unmoving from your chair. Jake was beginning to worry, watching you fight off sleep, swaying forward occasionally only to catch yourself.

The nurse had kindly brought a 'father' bed from the nearby maternity ward and placed it in the corner of the room with a pillow. You hadn't looked in its direction once or even thought about sleeping.

"Liz," he said softly, trying to arouse your attention. When you said nothing, Jake stood, touching your shoulder. You jolted awake, slightly shocked, until you realized it was him. "You need to get some rest."

"She's perfectly safe, and nothing will happen to her." You shook your head, barely managing to gather the energy to speak. But Jake persisted, trailing his hand down your arm to grasp at your hand. You let him pull you up.

"I can't..."

"You can. She's not going anywhere. Don't worry. I have my eye on her." Jake led you to the corner of the room, making you stand in front of the pullout. He let your hand go to sit down.

"Come here," He laid back against the backrest, holding out his arm as an invitation for you to join him. You might have fought him more, but you needed comfort with everything that had happened.

But once you settled into his arms, Jake asked you softly, "You want to talk about it?"

You shook your head against his chest, hiding your face. Jake had read you like a book. "Elizabeth, you can't keep burying your grief."

Your reply was muffled against his chest, "It's not that easy."

"I never said it was easy, but dwelling in your sorrows won't change anything."

Something in the way he said that hit you in your chest, sitting down with no intent to move. The smell of antiseptic making your stomach turn. The longer he sat there with you, the shock of everything reached its boiling point.

It was too much.

"What's wrong with me?!" you wailed. "She's been gone almost a year, and I can't even..."

You drew in a shuttering breath at the end of your unfinished sentence. You didn't need to continue, Jake had seen it repeatedly - in the way you would shelter yourself from any conversation to do with her to gripping your arm. Or to how Sadie remarked you hadn't been happy since her mom had passed away.

"I made a promise," you sniffed through your tears. "That the both of us would be strong for each other while we dealt with everything. That we wouldn't cave. But she struggled when I brought her home, and I had to be strong for her. She needed me to be strong for her. She wanted to be strong, and I needed to do the same."

"Sadie isn't going to love you any less because you can't be strong around her. None of us will."

You whimpered at his word. Suddenly, the dam burst open. "I tried. I tried to read the book, I tried talking about her with everyone, with you. Believing I'm fine when I'm not. Saturday nights with everyone, only to run into the kitchen the first chance I get because she's not there."

You sobbed into his chest. "It's so hard, Jake. Knowing she's not here. That he took her away from us."

"I know," he spoke into your hair, gripping the back of it. "Healing isn't linear, Darlin'. It's messy, and it takes time."

Something was validating in hearing his words. Something that no longer made you feel like a self-pity dealer. That it was okay for you to feel like this. That there was no mask needed in any given situation.

Jake, whether he knew it or not, was giving you the permission you so desperately needed to know it was okay to be sad.

And he let you. He let you cry it out, rocking you back and forth in this hold until you sniff, wiping at your eyes. "When did you get so wise, Jake Seresin?"

“Wise?” He scoffed. “No, darlin', I'm experienced. There's a difference."

Even with your tears, you rolled your eyes. "Why did that sound more sexualized than it should have been?"

"You're the one that went there. I'm just stating facts," Jake grinned. You huffed, pulling yourself closer to his side as a yawn coincided with your quiet laughter.

"Enough with the heavy. You need to sleep." He adjusted his hold on you, fingers threading themselves through the hair at the back of your neck, pulling you deeper into his chest. "I'm watching her."

You snuggled into his side, your hand making a fist gripping his shirt and the ball chain of his dog tags through the fabric. But you were still tense despite your exhaustion, causing Jake to shake you a little in encouragement.

"Relax, I'm not going to bite," He said before softly pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Not unless you ask me to."

You groaned sleepily into his chest, "Jake."

You fell asleep listening to him chuckle.

---

Jake had driven you both home once the doctor had given Sadie the all-clear later in the evening the next day. Sadie made a beeline to the couch, a long-standing ritual with her whenever she felt poorly, the second she walked through the door.

This left you and Jake standing in your kitchen, the moment making you think back to that first Saturday night when Jake had followed you inside with the dishes. The night before the Daggers were deployed.

You could never have thought this would be your future, holding yourself tight, leaning up against your counter, Jake filling your kettle with water, rummaging around in your tea cupboard. You pressed your forehead to his shoulder as he placed it back on its stand, turning to hold you and pressing a kiss to your forehead, not saying anything. He let you take what you needed from him.

The both of you eventually joined Sadie on the couch, watching as she held the remote to the TV, staring at the black screen. For a second, you were scared she would ask to watch Pride and Prejudice. Instead, she asked, "Can we put on The Princess Bride? I know I can't watch, but I'd like to listen."

To any onlooker, the group of you would have been a sight - Sadie with her stitches across the back of her head. Jake with his bruised face, split lip and marked-up knuckles. And you, with your black eye.

Yet, you couldn't have felt safer than huddled on your couch here with them.

Halfway through the movie, you found yourself with your head lying against Jake's leg. Sadie had migrated from the other end of the couch to in front of you, head buried in your shoulder as she used your arm as a pillow. Even with the knowledge Tyler was still out there, waiting for the next chance to strike again, you passed out knowing there wasn't anywhere else you wanted to be.

It was around 3 in the morning when Jake woke you up, silently urging you to go to bed. You tried to figure out the best way to move without disturbing Sadie until he stood, kneeling next to the two of you and carefully hooked his arms under her body. In her sleep, Sadie snuggled into Jake's chest once he stood.

"Go get ready," he murmured softly. "I'll get her to bed."

You stayed on the couch for a second, watching as he carried her off to her room before sighing and getting up. You forced yourself not to look out your window as you passed it by.

The bruise around your eye was an unwelcome sight in your mirror as you washed your face and got ready. You found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at the book on your nightstand, wondering if Jake was going to seek you out.

And then he appeared in your doorway, watching you dangle your legs back and forth.

"Jake," you said quietly, shame in your tone. "I don't want to be alone."

He pushed himself off your doorframe, kneeling in front of you, between your legs and hands resting on either side. He slid his whole hand up the outside of your thigh, stroking back and forth, attempting to comfort you.

"What do you need, darlin'?" he hushed. "What can I do?"

"Don't leave me?" it was a quiet plea.

Jake reached for your hips, sitting up to press his forehead to yours. You took it one step further, sliding off the edge of your bed and down to the ground in front of him, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He hugged you tight, head pressing into your collarbone before grabbing the back of your thighs to stand. You clung to him, legs tightly clinging around his waist.

He was next to your bed in two steps, one arm still clutching you while the other swept your covers down. You weren't sure how he could sit down with you hanging on to him, how he turned while holding the covers up and siding underneath them. You never let go as he settled you on top of him, hand stroking up and down your back.

Then you found yourself seeking out his lips, lightly grazing yours against his. There was nothing overly sexual in how you lightly pressed into him and grazed your nose along his, how you sought him out, lazily kissing him.

You were mindful of his injured lip each time, content to simply be here and now with Jake in your bedroom, his warmth and smell willing you to calm down. There was no objective, no end goal in your actions - after everything that had happened, you needed the assurance, the comfort, him.

From Tyler. From you feeling like a failure as Sadie's guardian because you couldn't prevent outside forces from coming after her. From the burdening grief of losing Ridley, the one you kept shoving aside only for Jake to crack wide open.

And yet, all you could think about was that it might be time to take that first step - even if it is just turning that one page on Pride and Prejudice on your nightstand.

---

Jake woke in the early morning to a rattle from your bedside table. He had let you sleep, doing Sadie's two-hour checks, used to the lack of sleep.

The both of you had moved, your back pressed tightly against his front. His arm was wrapped securely around your waist, and his nose was buried in your hair. Rolling over, he reached for his phone and spied the unknown caller ID, bringing it up to his ear as he answered.

"Seresin."

"It's about time you answered the phone."

Jake quickly shot you a look over his shoulder before getting up and walking into your hallway, shutting the door gently behind him.

"Wouldn't have answered had I known you were on the other end," he spat, continuing to your kitchen so you wouldn't hear his conversation.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Always taking the easy way out, just like when you joined the Navy. Flying around, pretending to be important while accomplishing nothing of substance."

"I'm assuming you didn't call to put down my choice in career, though that would have been preferable for someone like you." Jake said sarcastically.

"No, it's not," Jake's father replied snarkily. "I've heard you've been playing house with some girl."

Jake's grip tightened on his phone, anger bubbling beneath the surface. "And how would you know, seeing as you've never taken the time of day to call before now."

"Melaine."

Of course, Melaine would be the one to spill, Jake thought. Always telling other people's secrets and stories so she could watch the chaos afterwards.

"Didn't know my love life was the only source of entertainment down there," he remarked, leaning up against your island.

"Spare me the sentimental crap. A man like you shouldn't be saddled with someone else's burden."

Jaked laughed lowly. "Don't expect me to apologize for my life not fitting into your narrow-minded definition of what a man should be."

There was a monetary pause on the line. Jake's father let out a bitter chuckle. "Oh, so you're a saint now, huh?" he replied mockingly. "Trying to play the hero? Just like your grandfather, right?"

Jake didn't say anything, staring down at your floor.

"You think you can be that kid's uncle? You're wasting your time on a woman who can't give you anything real."

Jake saw his opportunity, smirking into the end of his phone, as he answered, "I'd rather be a fool for choosing a noble idea than be somebody who settled for mediocrity. Tell me, Dad, how's the ranch life working for you?"

"Don't test me, boy!" he seethed. "I'm not the one showboating in some plane over the fucking ocean."

"Better than shovelling shit every day."

His father growled, clearly agitated. "You've always been a rebellious one. Thinking you can defy me, defy tradition. No man wants to be raising her sister's kid, son. She's nothing but trouble and damaged goods. I won't have her ruining the Seresin name."

Rather than react to the dig towards you, Jake scoffed. "Yeah, sure, Keep talking like your opinion matters that much anyway."

"End it. Or I'm sending George up to California to end it for you. At least he knows how to take orders like a good son."

And then the line went dead.

Jake gripped his phone, tossing it harshly to your kitchen island. The conversation stung, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Even in California, miles between him and his home state, his father still tried to influence his life.

Needing to seek you out for comfort he returned to your room, pausing after he opened the door. You had turned in your sleep without him there, a hand stretched out to where he once was. The morning sunlight casting a beam through your drapes to the spot next to your head on your pillow. Sliding back beside you, Jake carefully lifted your arm as he placed it on his chest. You pulled yourself to him, head content to lay on his shoulder as a sigh escaped your lips.

"Jake," you murmured sleepily. "Is everything okay?"

"Go back to sleep," he replied, kissing your forehead hard. "It was just a wrong number."

Sadie's fine!!! 🥰 I'm not THAT heartless...

Tags:

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@mayhemmanaged @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby

@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink @ohgodnotagainn

@bubblegumbeautyqueen @sarahsmi13s @desert-fern @lynnestra44 @memoriesat30 @penwieldingdreamer @mxlanciia

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@keyrani

Part 13 - Sons and Daughters coming soon

Wickett ;)

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bohemian-nights · 6 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/drakaripykiros130ac/732901209272467456/i-am-just-loving-the-so-called-concern-tg-stans

This is how I find out an anti-nettles tag exists of Tumblr people are so shallow minded and miss the point George's original story people really think just because these dumbass show runner decided the race-bend an entire group of characters for cheap brownie points of representation that it means Nettles no longer matters like no, it may no longer be about race just because the writers are trying to force feminism onto Rhaenyra's character but it's still about class. A low born orphan at just the age of 17 was capable of doing what dozens of well trained knights failed to do. She survived one of the biggest civil wars in Westeros history, she had one of the last surviving dragons of the dance (who cares who's the biggest, oldest, most shiny etc etc it was Nettles and her dragon that outlived them all in the end) AND she was capable if creating an entire culture around herself (the tribes could've easily over powdered her but instead chose to worship and respect her) mind you all she had was a dragon, she had no titles just her name. Also, she's a few of the very few characters in the books that show care and remorse, she mourned Jace someone she barely knew and cried for Driftmark despite having lived a life previously where she was mistreated and starving on the streets. I swear these Dumbnyra stans deserve their names (Dumbnyra), and just because some of us are pro-Nettles, it doesn't automatically make use of team Green, Team Green can kick rocks as well because they are such hypocrites, whining and complaining about how their fav characters were stripped of importance and reduced to a singular thing yet they turn around and strip Nettles's character as a gotcha moment towards to Dumbnyra stans, as if her relationship with Daemon is the only thing important to her character. These stans also need to realize the Nettles is one of George's favorite characters whose stories he'd like to continue.

👆🏽That’s for the fact that this racist(who I should mention I’m blocked by for no reason🤣) actually knows how to tag things properly. I’ll give her that, but who exactly died and made her an authority on Black representation?

Dumbnyra stans this is exactly why people keep calling you people racists:

Do tell me how white a** Alys Rivers(no disrespect, but come on) had more purpose than a girl who shows that Targaryen supremacy is a lie? The girl that shows you don’t need Valyrian blood to claim a dragon.

The girl that George himself said he wanted to write a novella on(never heard him say that about Alys, Addam, Alyn, any of the other dragonseeds, Rhaena, and Baela)🤷🏽‍♀️

They are so blinded by the fact that she “ruins” Dumbnyra(which isn’t what they claim it is which is why they are scared sh*tless of her being on a show they claim doesn’t matter) that they make up lies about Nettles being the most irrelevant character in Fire & Blood.

This can never be irrelevant/unimportant/unnecessary/whatever else you want to say to demean her:

That happened long after the Dance boo boo(when Missy Anne’s a** was long dead 😊).

And if the one who wrote that garbage happens to be reading this(because I know you people are stalking me), f*ck you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You've crossed the line.

You’re a bigot. You have no right to speak on Black representation let alone say we are good on representation that doesn’t even affect you and that you have no understanding of.

And you definitely don’t care about representation because if you did you wouldn’t want Rhaena who has her own arc to replace Nettles who according to you wasn’t Daemon’s lover. If she’s just his daughter or his mentee, well then you have nothing to be worried about. Her presence on the show shouldn’t disrupt your putrid little white supremacist ship or make Missy Anne look bad since what happened at Maidenpool was all a big misunderstanding and Mysaria’s fault😊 You shouldn’t give a second thought to her.

Yes, Black people care about this issue(and even if some of us are a part of Team Green because that’s the majority I see from Team Green actually caring about her, then so what🙃).

Do you see how we are portrayed by the media? Do you see what happens to Black characters in TV shows and movies? To Black women characters? Do you see how they are treated by production and the fandom?

What you people are doing isn’t new. Just look at The Bear, Sleepy Hollow, Vampire Diaries, Star Trek, Star Wars, GOT(see how Missandei was done), and Marvel fandoms(there are more than that I’m just too tired to get into it).

The moment there is even a hint of a possibility that a Black woman might be in a relationship with the fandom hottie, hell the moment a Black woman doesn’t have a stereotypical role, all hell breaks loose and you people look for every excuse and spout out the same tired crap on why so and so is irrelevant, is a terrible character, doesn’t need a man, needs to be cut, should be killed off, should be replaced, etc.

So just because you don’t care doesn’t mean we should accept scraps, or our “irrelevant” characters being cut, or swapped out with race-bent characters. Black people aren’t all the same sweetie and we deserve more than what you feel we do.

If that’s too much for your diminutive brain to handle why don’t we just combine Ulf and Hugh? It’s not too late to cut out one of the two’s roles in post-production. After all, they serve the same role and they are both white.

You know what? How about we combine Black Aly and Jeyne Arryn while we are at it😀

Should we view Helaena and Rhaenyra as the same? I have a hard time telling them apart since they are both white and blonde. They should wear name tags that way we don’t get them confused 🙃

Let me stop there.

Sorry for ranting anon, but I’m so tired of the disrespect. Like how does one character who’s supposedly so unimportant cause so much uproar?

I go in on Dumbnyra stans a lot(and that person shows exactly why), but you are right that all sides of this fandom treat Nettles like she’s trash. If it’s not saying she’s a plot device sent to ruin Dumbnyra from Team Black and that anyone Black can replace her it’s how Team Green is so worried about her being abused and how maybe it’s for the best she gets cut.

Their behavior is utterly disgusting. It's anti-Black, but no one takes anti-Blackness and especially not misogynoir seriously.

Nettles may be a secondary character, but she’s the most important secondary character during the Dance. She starts out literally homeless. She claims Sheepstealer by determination, not by blood. She’s the only one to claim a wild dragon. The only non-Valyrian dragonrider that we know of.

She gets the Rogue Prince to fall in love with her to the point where he’s willing to die for her and disobeys his wife’s orders to save her. She survives the Dance with a dragon intake. Becomes a fire witch and is worshipped by a mountain clan in the Mountains of the Moon(she’s still worshipped by them during the main series). Her legacy is cemented.

I love her relationship with Daemon, but she’s so much more than just Daemon’s love. She’s a survivor. She’s the final girl. She would be seen as special as she is if she was white.

A character like her will never not be needed especially in a world where the representation of Black women in media, particularly fantasy stories, is still pretty bleak.

#bnasks #nettles #bnask #anti daemyra stans #pro nettles #just continue to use the anti tag #f*ck 90% of you in this fandom #netty #nettles asoiaf #nettles f&b #hotd fandom misogynoir #yep this is why y’all are called dumbnyra stans

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sitp-recs · 17 days

Note

hi liv!! <3 recently ive been very into harry/george, i was wondering if you had any recs for that? thank you so much, i hope you have a great day xoxoxo

I got you, anon! Writcraft sold me on this ship back in 2020 and I’ve been slowly making my way through their tag since then. Such a great rare pair! Here are some recs for you, enjoy :)

Stepping Out by Alisanne (T, 900 words)

Harry is sent to talk to George.

After Hours by torino10154 (E, 1k)

Harry stayed behind with George to help tidy up the shop and, after a bottle of Wicked Witch of Western Wales Wine, well, one thing led to another.

Highland Fling by sliebman10 (E, 1.5k)

While on holiday, Harry and George decide to try on kilts. They are very taken with the different look, and one thing leads to another.

Maybe by Vorabiza (T, 5k)

George and Harry need some time alone to heal, but being alone together opens up new possibilities.

See You Next Week by TwoAces (NR, 5k)

George is struggling to cope with the death of his twin, and Harry just wants to get through to him. He doesn't realize quite how torn up he is, himself, though, and through their attempts to heal each other they discover they are very much in love.

Tell Me (We Belong Together) by Maggs0607 (M, 6k)

Harry isn't sure when or how it happened, but one day he looks around the Burrow table and realises that in the three years after War, George Weasley has become his best friend.

Just Like You by @wynnefic (E, 9k)

Of friendship, grief, and getting it on with a polyjuice version of your deceased loved ones. (Polyjuice: Fred/George and Harry/Sirius). Cw: incest

Hopelessly Devoted To You by @writcraft (E, 10k)

Harry and George watch a lot of musicals and accidentally fall in love.

Two out of Three by @wynnefic (T, 15k)

A few years after the war, Harry thinks he has the ideal life. He's working his way up to his ideal job, he's still together with his Hogwarts sweetheart, he's got a couple of great friends, and he's love potioned to the gills.

Evergreen by @thecouchsofa (T, 23k)

Harry asks George to the Yule Ball because it’ll be a laugh and he’s in dire need of one of those. If George can continue to keep his crush under wraps it should all go swimmingly.

May Contain Nuts by scoradh (E, 32k)

After Voldemort is defeated, the script for Harry's life comes to an end. Unsure of what to do with his life, he does nothing. Only one person is on hand to show Harry that a hero is not the sum of his vanquished enemies, but he's got problems of his own. Cw: major character death

Sunshine on Leith by GobletOfCider (M, 78k) - Muggle AU

After years of running from his problems, avoiding family and anything that resembles stability, George finds himself a little bit smitten with single dad, Harry. Settling down in Edinburgh was never part of the plan, but it just might be everything he didn't know he needed.

Bonus: minor Harry/George

A Season in Amber by Thevina (T, 8k) - Dron

Nowhere in Draco's job description does it state that because he's an Unspeakable, he's skilled enough to retrieve Ronald Weasley (or anyone) from beyond the Veil. But when Potter gives him no other options but to join him in this literal death-defying endeavour, Draco does exactly that. If only finding Ron had been the hardest task.

Inevitably Everything by CheekyTorah (M, 8k) - Dron

Ron didn’t need help finding a date.

Sad Girl Fall by yrfrndfrnkly (M, 20k) - Pansy/Luna

Pansy's been watching Luna follow her autumn vibes wherever they take her for six years. This year, she follows along.

#asks #anon #hp rare pairs #Harry x George

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linkspooky · 1 year

Note

Hi! I saw your tags about Tara in Teen Titans comics--I'm only familiar with the cartoon series. How do your feelings about Tara compare in the show vs. the comics? I ask since I noticed you mentioned that Tara never really cared about BB, which I think is obviously changed in the show, and I wonder how you feel about that.

They're both good? They're both good! I think one thing people forget about comic book characters vs. adaptations of comic book characters, is that comic books were always intended to be a collaborative medium that builds on itself through the work of multiple authors and interpretations. Thus, you can have multiple versions of the same character who have the same core but don't really have to be exactly the same. This is why it is kind of silly when people get upset animated adaptations make changes from the original source material because that's kind of the point, in a collaborative medium, you're going to get another author's take on the same character.

Since you asked I can give you an analysis on the core ideas of Teen Cartoon Terra vs. Comics Terra, and also her relationship with Beast Boy in both versions.

1. GWEN STACY

So, I once talked about how Terra was always intended by her creators to die, but that's not necessarily offensive or fridging her character because Terra's still a character with a lot of narrative agency. Terra is the main character of her story, it's just her story happens to be a tragedy. That is true for both versions.

Before the start of the story her fate is sealed. This is what you call doomed by the narrative. George Wolfram and Glen Murakami have both given interviews explaining as such. Albeit, for different reasons.

Comics Terra was essentially made to deconstruct a lot of comic book tropes. I lovingly call her "Asshole Kitty Pryde." From conception she was going to be the spunky new kid with mutant powers who joined the titans at fifteen and immediately became friends with everyone... except she was evil all along.

George’s strength was he also understood the characters 100 percent as I did so there was never any question. He knew. We had talked enough about the characters to know we were exactly on the same page with them. So I said, “Everyone keeps complaining that we’re like the X-Men” and the X-Men had just gotten Kitty Pryde. I said, “Why don’t we really screw around with them completely?” — this is the fans — “…and make them think we’re stealing Kitty Pryde only she’s gonna be bad from Day One.”

Of course this is where authorial intent differs from like, what actually ended up happening in the story. Worlfram's intent was to always make Terra have no reason for her actions, the tragic backstory she feeds the teen titans is kind of embellished and made up, she decided to become a mercenary all on her own, she wants to work with Slade and is even trying to seduce him. However, Terra still comes off as horribly tragic despite their intentions and other authors have since then picked up on their subtext.

Like, I genuienly think the intention was to just write her as pure evil, but instead what they got was writing her as a bad victim. That is, the kind of victim that presents incredibly unsavory and unlikable reactions to their abuse instead of either being kinder than their abusers, remaining pure and chaste like Cinderella or just waiting to be saved. Terra's not a passive victim nor is she waiting for sympathy, she hurts people the way she has been hurt, she maipulates the way she has been manipulated. Terra's been beaten down and now her goal is to come out on top. I believe the reason why she came out this way has a lot to do with Perez and Wolfram sticking to their guns and never giving her a redemption arc.

The very first time we see her, she’s trying to blow up the Statue of Liberty. It’s just that all the fans assumed because we went out of our way to make her cute — but not too cute, with the buck teeth and everything — everyone would assume that she was gonna become good by the end and that was never the case.

First thing, we made a promise that day that we would never renege on our view that she’d never become good. It’s sometimes hard to do that with characters you like. You want them to become good or something like that. But we never liked the character enough—because we knew what we were doing with her—we never allowed ourselves to fall for the character. Because that’s bad. That’s bad storytelling. You’re doing what you want as a fan at that particular point, not as the creators. The fans had to accept what we were doing and not do the same stories that they had read 14,000 times before. You know, at Marvel, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch were villains who became good guys and I could go through a whole list of ’em.

Their commitment to the bit meant that Terra’s story became what was essentially Greek tragedy at that point. Terra was always fall and because of that, Wolfram and Perez dedicate a lot of time in the story showing the audience exactly what all of her flaws are and why those flaws are the reason for that fall. They committed to their creative decisions when writing this character, which is why Terra ends up being such a strong character, especially for the time. Of course there were female villains, but they weren’t really allowed to be complex victims to the degree that Terra is, have her entire range of negative traits, have her flaws fully on display and then still have it be a tragic ending when she does not get saved.

Gwen Stacy was always going to die, and Terra was never going to be redeemed. I do not believe either of those cases are fridging because sometimes characters die in fiction, and sometimes they contribute more ot the story dead than they do alive. Terra’s the first real loss for the Teen Titans, it also came on the cusp of a time in DC where teenage superheroes and sidekicks started to die (Cough, Cough, Jason Todd). Under the Red Hood and Judas Contract are such effective and lasting comic book storylines because they are such tightly written tragedies yes... both of them depict a bad victim who does not get saved (even though that is the whole point of both arcs).

Terra is in fact, probably more comparable to Under the Red Hood Jason than she is Gwen Stacy because she is number one a teenager with problems who probably should not have been made a superhero in the first place, and two a trauma victim who copes by manipulation and violence to try to reclaim control of their lives. But, to bring the Gwen Stacy comparison back. Gwen Stacy was always going to die, Terra was always going to die, but unlike Gwen Stacy Terra is not anyone’s love interest she is the protagonist. Peter Parker fails to save Gwen because the Green Goblin attacked her, she was killed to hurt Peter Parker. Terra pulls the arena down on herself and buries herself alive in Samson and Delilah-esque fashion at the end of her own personal tragic arc.

To get to the real differences between the two characters though, characterization wise, I think both versions start with the same central concept, this is a troubled teenager who should never have been made a hero.

Terra is a deeply troubled teen, however the way she copes in both versions are wildly different, almost opposite. I like to say cartoon Terra has like, at any moment five different personalities, while comics Terra has no personality.

2. Runaway Girl

To elaborate on this, cartoon Terra’s entire character revolves around how unstable her sense of self is, due to never having any stability in her life. The cartoon is actually very purposeful in showing in both imagery and metaphor Terra’s splintered sense of self. The first few lines of dialogue introducing her are this.

“She’s not in trouble, she was leading it into a trap.” “Question is, who is she?” Slade: “Don’t get too attached my young friend, I saw her first.”

Said by the Titans and then Slade. Even in the first lines introducing her, not only is the question of who she is asked, but Slade immediately tries to claim her from the titans. Later on in the show, the way Terra acts around the Teen Titans as a group, the way Terra acts when she is with Slade, the way Terra acts when alone with Beast Boy, the way Terra acts when alone with Raven are all wildly different versions of herself, to the point where it’s hard to believe she’s the same girl sometimes.

This is even apparent in the first episode before Slade even gets to her. Terra insists that she enjoys sleeping outside, she enjoys running from place to place, she doesn’t really want a place to stay for the night, she’s presenting herself as some sort of self-reliant and worldly traveler instead of what she really is, a homeless runaway kid. Terra is attempting to appear calm, cool, and responsible and she is absolutely none of these things, and she’s pretty transparent about it too. She cool girls herself so people will like her. The second she is alone in Beast Boy and loses control of her powers for 30 seconds, she immediately crashes, starts berating herself and her self esteem sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

Trust, is something constantly brought up again and again with Terra’s character though I would say Terra despite literally being the main character of an arc called the Judas Contract, despite betrayal being the one thing she is known for... always sees herself as getting betrayed first. Which is why she overreacts to the perception that Beast Boy broke a promise to keep her powers safe in the first episode. Terra doesn’t trust people at all. Though, to trust people and form healthy relationships with them, you actually have to be a fully developed and well-rounded person which Terra is not. Terra is basically a foster kid who has been through several families before this, waiting for her current one to dump her. She has interanlized the idea that there is something wrong with her that makes this rejection happen, but she doesn’t know how to fix it, or how to be better the kind of person that can have those healthy friendships so she dedicates herself into hiding those flaws instead.

Terra: You don’t belong with the Titans. Terra: You don’t know anything about you. Slade: On the contrary Terra, I know everything about you. I’ve been watching you for some time. I know why you’re always running away. I know your secret, little girl.

This is also why she runs from the Titans to Slade. It’s a question I see commonly asked about cartoon Terra, if she’s meant to be more sympathetic than comic books Terra why does she willingly go to Slade instead of staying with the Titans? Which is a silly question, because you might as well be asking why do grooming victims get groomed? Why don’t they just know that groomers are bad people?

Teenagers are not grownups. Especially not Terra, a bastard child rejected by her parents who has been on the run for however many years. Terra is a teenager and a severely underdeveloped teenager at that, and she has learned to survive on the streets yes, but that’s not really the same as learning to be a functional person, who can have healthy relationships with people, and control their emotions. Children actually require parents to nurture and teach them and raise them up to be more functional adults, and they also require the stability adults in their lives provide them.

Terra goes to Slade because he is an adult who is promising to be there for her, and give her control and stability which are things adults in her life have failed to give her. She can’t trust the Titans to give her these things because they are children one as Slade needles her into believing they cannot understand or help her, and two the way Terra has lived her life up to this point a transactional relationship with Slade makes more sense to her head than the found family the Teen Titans have based on love and trust because Terra is a stranger to both of those concepts.

Terra is also someone who has little control over her life in general, which is why cartoon Terra is so passive in comparison to comic book Terra. In the episode Betrayal itself, Terra keeps her foot in the door about the actual betrayal the whole way, and seems to change her mind on what she wants several time. Because Terra has five different personalities. Ginger Terra, Sporty Terra, Posh Terra, Scary Terra, and Baby Terra. Terra doesn't have a cohesive sense of self so she's entirely reactive, she just does what she thinks will keep her safe in the moment. Terra wants safety and control of her powers so she goes to Slade. Terra feels guilty about what she does for the Titans so she tries to run away from Slade for the moment. Beast Boy asks her out on a date, but because Terra's betraying the Titans that night Terra says no. Five minutes later, Terra says yes. She is constantly changing her mind and contradicting herself like this.

Which is where we get to the greatest contradiction this episode, Terra betrays the titans and clearly feels guilty about it,b ut instead of say telling the Titans what she did or coming clean she just runs away. Which is where we get to the extremely subtle imagery of Terra in a house of mirrors.

Terra can't face her reflection over and over again, because she can't face herself, because she has no sense of self. She doesn't know why she does these things, but she's done them now, and she's stuck with those choices.

Terra: Beast Boy, I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. Beast Boy: Then why did you let it? Terra: I don't know okay, I don't know. Slade he helped me. He saved me from myself. He said I owed him. Beast Boy: So, it was all just a game. You were just pretending. Terra: No. You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?

This is also Terra's most honest display of remorse, and the exact moment Terra gets rejected, crying and begging for forgiveness for what she's done and after that is the point where she goes full villain. Terra goes from baby Terra, to Scary Terra. A lot of who cartoon Terra is born from fear of moments like this where she is rejected. Terra was the one who tricked Beast Boy and Beast Boy is rightfully upset of course, but in Terra's mind only able to see her own hurt feelings Beast Boy is the one who broke the promise to her. Terra internalizes the fact she cannot be forgiven at that point and seeing no other recourse goes full villain and insists she feels no guilt, she wanted to destroy the titans to begin with, it was all a lie. The complete inversion of how she acted in the betrayal episode. Terra is manipulative, spiteful, hungry for power and yes she's capable of being all of those things but one important thing is.

The second, the second Slade starts mistreating her and beating her Terra immediately wants out. It turns out it's not power or control Terra wanted at all with Slade, but the idea of safety he provided her. The moment it becomes unsafe for her she tries to leave again, because Terra is a child desperately seeking safety in a world that feels unsafe for her, and she'll find it by crushing people she perceives to be a threat if she has to.

That is Terra in a nutshell, she doesn't feel safe anywhere, or with anybody. She has no stable foundation. She is the human embodiment of the tower card in Tarot. No matter how hard she tries to trust others and trust in return, because those are basic human urges we all have, she ends up falling down. It's interesting for a character who is so famous for betrayal, how much of her arc shows she clearly wants to be accepted and trusted by others, and gets hurt at the idea of their rejection. Even the day she literally betrayed Beast Boy before taking him out on a date she asks him this.

Terra: Do you trust me? Beast Boy: More than anyone I've ever met.

I would say Terra's inability to trust doesn't come from the fact she's a bad person or a bad victim, but because she doesn't have the tools to form healthy relationships because of how seriously neglected a child she is. A part of the tragedy of Terra is because Terra cannot save herself, because she is a child. Just like how the Titans have such difficulty saving her, because they are children too and they're not really emotionally prepared to save a person as morally grey and as in need as Terra, and the only adult in the situation is Slade who is there to take advantage.

Transitioning too. Comics Terra, while cartoon Terra has too much personality, Comics Terra has too little. She was written to be a sociopath, and that's not really my term that's how the writers describe her though I can dig up evidence she shows clear signs of being capable of having attachment to people. I'd say rather than a sociopath she's more written as an enigma. Terra's motives are spurious, her actions are inconsistent, she seems to be driven by spite. She is an incredibly angry kid with a chip on her shoulder who seems to be capable of anything.

Cartoon Terra is trying to play along with other peopel's expectations to her, while comics Terra rejects everyone's expectations. She loathes cute teenage girl superheroes. She finds dressing up in costumes and fighting crime to be ridiculous in the first place. Though, I would say despite saying she clearly hates the titans, literally the next panel she displays some affection for Kid Flash.

Comics Terra isn't completely unfeeling, she's capable of forming connections to people, she has a fondness for Geo-Force her brother, Kid Flash, and sort of for Beast Boy she just never fully forms relationships with them.

Terra's not really even maintaining much of a cover with the Titans, because both with Slade and the Titans she is a rude, belligerent raunchy kid who is trying to constantly get into other people's faces. Terra is all of those things, she just when she is alone with Slade also pretends she is an adult, in an adult relationship with him. (Cough, cough, grooming victim. A victim of sexual grooming in this sense too).

Terra's written to be a sociopath yeah, or at least her writers tried too but I'd say she's more a character who the audience has little to no idea what is going on in her head. A lot of her is left ambiguous. Considering her backstory though, the rejected bastard of a king, someone who is working as a mercenary at fifteen, she clearly has not had a good life. Just like cartoon Terra she is lacking a sense of self.

However, instead of eschewing her agency, Terra takes her agency from other people. Cartoon Terra is good at manipulating when she wants to be, but Comics Terra sees the world in terms of every relatonship is transactional and based on manipulation, the world is winners and losers, the world is about who is on top and who is on the bottom. Terra lacks no real goal, or purpose, no friend, no home no loved ones she really only wants to crawl up on top of others if she has to.

Which is exactly why she gets into a relationship with Slade. Comics Terra seems to think her and Slade are equals, and that she is manipulating and using him as much as he is using her. The tragedy in this case arises from the fact that you know, Terra is a fifteen year old girl and Slade is three times her age.

There's an entire chapter where we follow around Terra montiofring people with contacts, and she's going about the titans daily lives just, telling Slade how much she hates them the whole time, but then she stops to ask Garfield why he's constantly being rude to other people and seems genuinely interested in listening to him talk about his feelings.

Terra's only out for herself, she is out to define herself and not let anyone else tell her who she is and who she should be. Terra's selfishness makes sense though considering the situation she is, she's either made to feel nothing like how she was with her family, or she is being sexually groomed by a guy three times her age. Her response to that, her extreme self interest and only caring about her own survival really is her way of fighting back against a world that she sees as trying to wear her down.

And that's a key part of her character Terra is a grooming victim who is also a bad victim. She's being groomed and her way of reclaiming her agency is to insist she wants sex, she wants to hurt people, that actually she's the one manipulating Slade. It's all Terra trying to assert control in a situation where she has none. I don't know if you know this, but a fifteen year old can't manipulate a guy in his fifties who has been doing this for years. Terra also, projects a lot of her hate for her situation and her lot at life at the Titans.

They did not do anything wrong to her, but at the same time she's pretty cosntantly unhappy with them, she complains none of them like her, she complains about their lack of trust, I believe that's less Terra trying to infiltrate them and more Terra herself either believing she cannot fit in anyhwere or as a person who only believes in transactional relationships and manipulation just not understanding how family works.

Terra also acts like dangerously unstable at all times, there's a point in the comics where Beast Boy gets way too aggressive with his flriting, that he full on triggers what resembles a PTSD response in her and she tries to bury him alive.

At times like this when Terra is made to feel she's either not the one with the power here, or being looked down upon she asserts herself with violence to desperately try to regain control. It is not healthy by any means, but it is still the behavior of someone who is coping incredibly poorly. Terra relies on fear and control to make herself feel safe at times like this, because she's not been shown love early on in her life and by this point she genuinely does not understand it. And also I cannot emphasize this enough as a victim of sexual grooming, Terra is pretty much not ever safe, or in a situation where she has bodily agency or control.

Terra in the cartoon dies in a heroic sacrifice, whereas Terra in the comics dies because she loses control of her power and essentially suicides. If anything the tragedy here is that Terra is someone who never learned to be a girl properly, nor was she appreciated as a human being and because of that she formed her entire sense of self around her powers. She is a child, and never having been allowed to be one, and not knowing how to live in this world, form relationships with people, trust and be trusted she dies as a child. Terra once again has nothing solid to build herself on, and because of that the tower falls down.

3. Terra and Beast Boy

In the cartoon Terra and Beast Boy are clearly meant to be in a relatoinship, in the comics Terra claims to have hated him all along, but arguably she could have been fond of him.

In both versions the relationship is entirely wrong headed from the start. A lot of it has to do with Beast Boy's flaws as a character. I wrote on and on how immature of an individual Terra is, and Beast Boy as the youngest on the team shares many of those immature and selfish traits. IN the comic itself that seems to be the reason why Beast Boy and Terra are paired together, they are the closest in age, she is the new girl and the trope Terra is made to deconstruct is the cute comic book love interest.

Comic book Garfield is almost more immature than cartoon Garfield, and on top of that is a full blown male chauvinist. A lot of people do not like Wolfram/Perez Beast Boy, I kind of love him because he doesn't understand woman's boundaries and thinks he desperately needs to get into a relationship and makes them uncomfortable because he sees his flriting as harmless to them... you know like a teenage boy. Unlike most characters like this that appear in media, this quality of Beast Boy's is something that gets called out on all the time.

Terra and Beast Boy do have something in common in that they are both outsiders to the group, they are the youngest so no one takes them seriously, they are almost always stuck together, there's a scene where they're both getting tutored by a tutor Garfield's rich father hired and they're both such ADD kids no one wants to be there. She does have at least one genuine moment of connection like this one.

Their immaturity is what makes them the most similiar, but they go about the inferiority they feel towards other people in opposite ways, Terra sets out to try to prove that she is better than other people by asserting herself, while Beast Boy tries to bend over backwards to win their love.

Terra sympathizes with Beast Boy because they share the same root cause of the issue, but they cope in opposite ways and because of that she looks down on him as just another kid. Which is something Terra is desperately trying to prove she is not. Terra genuinely does go out of her way to kiss him which shows this conversation at least affected her, she has moments of being genuine around Beast Boy, but I think this and every version of Beast Boy is too immature to ever reach her. Because to return to the male chauvinist aspect of Beast Boy's character, not long after this scene he full on triggers Terra by coming on way too hard to her.

Beast Boy wants a girlfriend, to validate his feelings, to make him feel special when he feels like he is the only kid, and the one most often left behind in a group of adults. He tries to make Terra into his love interest and Terra does not want to play that role at all. There are moments where Terra is genuine with Beast Boy, and he might have been able to reach her, but Beast Boy is so obssessed with the image of Terra he has built in his head and the idea of having her he's never able to even come close to her.

Beast Boy cannot understand Terra with any sort of nuance whatsoever, because she's a woman who doesn't really want to play along with any image of her in his mind.

Their cartoon relationship is much less destructive, but really suffers from the same fundamental problem. Both the episode "Terra" and the episode "Betrayal" feature Beast Boy trying to make Terra a promise that he cannot keep. The first time he promises to keep her powers a secret, he actually keeps that one but the perception that he's betrayed her is what makes Terra run. The second time Beast Boy promises to accept her no matter what she does, only to reject her when she is openly weeping and apologizing at his feet out of remorse.

Like, if you wanted to save Terra. To convince her to turn back to the side of good there was never a time more ideal than that but Beast Boy spits in her face. Because while he's a hero he's also a fifteen year old boy feeling hurt and betrayed. This is Beast Boy's Orpheus turning back to look at Eurydice moment.

Beast Boy's attraction to Terra is sort of instant and a kiddie crush, but any relationship they might have had is broken by the time Terra runs away at the end of their first episode together. Afterwards Terra has already betrayed the Titans, and Beast Boy is clinging to the girl Terra appeared to be the first time they met.

Beast Boy doesn't really fully comprehend Terra, which is why the literal last episode of the series is Beast Boy stalking Terra all day long and insisting that he knows her best, and he knows certain things about her and acting confused when she tells him that she was never that way, she never liked sleeping outside, she wasn't the girl he thought she was.

I went to great length to show how Terra's emotional immaturity results in her constant flip-flopping and contradiction, but Beast Boy shows the exact same behavior. Beast Boy in the cartoon tries to play roles to Terra that he is not emotionally mature enough to play. While at the same time. The first is he tries to be the one protecting her, the one guaranteeing her stability. In the first episode he is the one who stays with Terra and calms her down after Slade triggers her into nearly causing an earthquake.

At the same time by the end of that episode he's unable to make Terra stay because she's so hurt at the idea he betrayed one secret. Beast Boy is also the same person who one episode ago told Terra that she didn't have any friends to her face when she was crying and apologizing and just left her there, and the very next episode gets angry when the titans say Terra is irredeemable. Beast Boy that was you. You said that, to her face.

Beast Boy: Terra, you're our friend. Terra: I don't have any friends, remember?

Beast Boy wants to act like a hero saving Terra, but he's not that great of a hero, nor is he emotionally mature enough to do that. Which is why we get this behavior of Beast Boy, first reaching out to save her, and then resorting to victim blaming when he feels like he can't save her. He jumps between I am Terra's best friend, I know she was there all along, to just Terra doesn't have any friends. Terra you wanted to do these things, it was your choice. There's no consistency in Beast Boy's actions, because Beast Boy doesn't really know what to do he is vulnerable and desperate, because a person who he cares about has hurt him, and is also hurting.

Beast Boy is once again trying to put Terra into a simple and easy to understand box. He is acting like the hero of the story, and she flips between his villain and his love interest when that's not the case. Terra's more focused on Terra herself, she cares about Beast Boy but she's also just trying to survive. Beast Boy is a little bit too focused on his relationship with Terra, and like the validation he wants to get from her that he can't look at Terra as a whole person, or realize from an outsider's perspective she's a kid in dire need of saving. Well he does at times, but like I said he flips between advocating for never giving up on her, and victim blaming her because Terra is not easy to understand and he cannot make up his mind.

Terra is the main character of her own story and Beast Boy doesn't know how to comprehend her that way, or set himself aside to look at things from Terra's perspective because he's fifteen and stuck inside his own head with all those adolescent feelings and hormones.

In both versions, I think Beast Boy mistakes what could have been a strong friendship for romance because he is obsessed with getting into a relationship without really understanding what that entails. Beast Boy not being a good boyfriend at fifteen is actually perfectly understandable, the whole tragedy of the Judas Contract in general is that just like Terra is too immature to save herself from her situation, the Titans also just being kids are too young to save her.

They also both try to jump into a relationship without building a solid friendship first, because they both need love and stability and have no idea how relationships are supposed to work. It's like they both fell in love with the people they were when they first met and the relationship never evolved. They are similar and there is a connection, but rather than the things they have in common bringing them together, it drives them apart.

#beast boy #tara markov #terra #teen titans #teen titans meta #tt meta #new teen titans #terra markov #terra teen titans #garfield logan #bbterra #beast boy x terra #judas contract #metasks

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whatstruthgottodowithit · 7 months

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Here You Come Again [Part Fifteen]

Fandom: Elvis Presley, RPF, American Actor

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Original Female Character

Characters: Elvis Presley, Addison Goodwin, Original Female Characters, Priscilla Presley, Colonel Tom Parker, Vernon Presley, Gladys Presley, Minnie Mae Presley, Marci Cunningham, Jerry Schilling, Red West, Sonny West, Marty Lacker, Joe Esposito, Charlie Hodge, Lamar Fike, Alan Fortas, George Klein, Memphis Mafia

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8422

Summary: When Addison Goodwin was seventeen years old her life was turned inside out after a chance encounter with her past. Now, fifteen years later her life is the best it’s ever been. She has a home, a good job and a daughter she loves more than anything in the world but will all that remain when an old familiar face rolls into town.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Graceland, Las Vegas, The International Hotel, Elvis In Vegas, 1970s, 1970s Elvis, Friends To Lovers, Rekindled Romance, Parenting, Time Line is Sketchy, Guilt, Betrayal, Teenage Pregnancy, Hawaii, Hidden Pregnancy, Jealousy, Sex, Absence of Parent, Single Motherhood, Trauma, Oral Sex, Tension, Addison's Dress

Notes: Feel free to hate me because I hate myself rn.

[there's only two chapters and an epilogue left and I promise it gets better x]

LINK TO ALL PARTS // LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST

Anyone would think that being on a vacation with your ex in the most romantic place on earth immediately after having shot him down for kissing you would be awkward. Well for the most part they’d be right. However Addison was finding that wasn’t the case entirely. As with everything that Elvis did she had found that where most people fit into a mould he didn’t and even though their situation wasn’t exactly an orthodox one he managed to navigate through it with ease. She had been in the middle of packing, folding her clothes neatly into her case when he had found her, coming into the room via the bathroom, watching her closely though she hadn’t realised he was there.

‘Marty’s doing a last-minute run to the store if you need anything picking up,’ he said, his low gravelly voice capturing her attention and making her whip around like a deer in headlights. He smiled at her, kind of enjoying the way he had gotten her at odds – given he had spent the night the same way after their kiss.

‘You scared me,’ she said, shifting nervously before she added, ‘I’m good thanks.’

‘Well if you think of anything just let him know,’ he said with a nod. Addison nodded, her fingers tracing along the edge of the suitcase behind her as she tried to think of what to say. If anything she wanted to keep her mouth shut. Everything had been going so well between them and she didn’t want to lose that, but as he turned to leave she found the words coming out of her mouth, ‘Elvis about last night-’

‘Forget about it,’ he said with a smile, sympathy in his crystal blue eyes that made her heart flip flop.

‘But-’

‘Addie honestly don’t worry about it,’ he said, ‘it was just a kiss.’

‘Just a kiss,’ she agreed though he could tell she was still over thinking it from the way she was gnawing on her lip.

‘Now c’mon,’ he smiled trying to reassure her, ‘we’ve got a vacation to get to.’

But it wasn’t just a kiss. It had been all she had been thinking about for the past two weeks. He had stayed true to his word and if she didn’t know any better she’d say that he had forgotten it himself. Yet the way he was around her made her feel as through that wasn’t the case. Their dynamic didn’t change. He wasn’t any more caring or attentive than he had been beforehand, but he didn’t pull away either, become cold or distant like he had the first time they had been working through their feelings for one another. No, if anything he had been pretty damn perfect.

Yet she was a mess. She didn’t know what to do about any of it. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away. That her priority should be Jess, making sure she didn’t get hurt. After all Addison had been the daughter of a mother who thought only of herself and she refused to put Jess through anything like that. But her heart was screaming at her the other way.

It hammered against her ribcage whenever he was near her, whenever their hands touched or he sat down beside her. Warmth spread through her chest whenever he laughed, the sound of it something she wished she could wrap around her like a blanket. And desire. Desire flamed through her whenever she saw him in the outrageously tight swim trunks he liked to wear as he frolicked in the sea with the kids or when he came down for dinner in a relaxed pair of shorts and a shirt – totally at ease and peace.

It made her want to give into those delusions. To believe that they could be a normal couple, on vacation in Hawaii surrounded by their family and friends. To believe that they could leave the family dinner and go back to their shared room where they’d spend the night together, no longer confined to small gestures, their desires allowed to run free. She wanted to believe that when the plane touched down she’d be home in Memphis and not trudging back to the desert heat, working endless shifts and trying to balance being a mom, running a house and working full time. She wanted to believe that it would be that easy. That Elvis could take care of her like she wanted, like she so desperately needed, that it would be fine.

But with every thought like that came a seed of doubt. It came when he placed his hand on the small of her back or his arm around her shoulders and no one batted an eye – his displays of affection with God knows how many women becoming common place to those around him.

It came when she looked at Lisa, a child now torn between two homes because despite the love her parents had for one another it hadn’t lasted. It came when she looked at Jess. When she remembered how he had promised her the world at seventeen years old and it still hadn’t been enough. How her daughter’s love had been the only thing to keep her truly afloat. How she wouldn’t have made it if it hadn’t been for her.

She wanted to trust her heart but it had been wrong before. At least when she listened to her head it made the pain hurt a little less.

Their vacation was winding down and though two weeks of sun and sand had been nice the threat of normal life was looming. Jess and Addison were due to go back home, Lisa was due to fly back to California and Elvis was due to head out on tour yet again though this time only for a week. And as much as she had told herself that it was for the best, that it was what was needed for all of them, Addison couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Especially as she got ready for dinner, watching herself in the bathroom mirror, knowing that this would be one of the last times she would be doing it.

This time of day had become therapeutic for Addison. Whilst their days may have seemed lazy, only ever starting around noon, they were far from it. Elvis seemed to be intent on making this a fun vacation for the girls and so their days were spent on the beach, learning to surf or jet skiing, or in and around the pool playing endless games. Sometimes they were joined by some of the guys and their families, meaning that it was quite the rabble wherever they ended up, but sometimes they were alone, sitting out on the balcony of Elvis’ room as they watched the day go by. And though their nights were just as busy they felt completely different. Around dusk everyone would retreated to their rooms emerging back an hour or so later so they could have dinner where they’d spend the entire evening talking and laughing.

That hour had become important to Addison. It gave her chance to think, to breathe. Something that was becoming harder and harder to do whenever she was around Elvis.

As she slipped a new set of earrings into her ears, ones Jess had bought her for her birthday, she heard a knock at the door.

‘Are you ready?’ she heard Marci say from the other side. Addison gave herself one last glance in the mirror and then opened it finding Marci standing in front of her, practically leaning her ear up against where the door had been though she straightened up as Addison appeared.

‘Just need to get my shoes on,’ Addison said though as she looked past her friend she noted Jerry standing by the open door to their hotel room so she added, ‘you guys go.’

‘Are you sure?’ Marci said glancing at Jerry and then back to her friend.

‘Yeah, I’ll not be far behind ya,’ Addison said with a smile.

‘I’ll save ya a seat,’ Marci said before she headed to the door and slipped out with Jerry shutting it closed behind them.

Addison moved to the bed, grabbing her shoes from the closet so she could sit down and put them on. As she slipped on the tan wedges she found her eyes drifting around the room clocking every item that lay strewn around the place fresh from Marci’s wake of getting ready. Though it annoyed the life out of her that her room was in such disarray she couldn’t help but smile. Having her friend back for the past two weeks had been a blessing she couldn’t deny - a sense of normality in a chaotic world. Not to mention it had only taken being in close quarters for half a day before Marci had come clean about what had been going on with her and Tom.

She wasn’t happy. She had thought that her new life would be similar to her old one and that hadn’t been the case. Where she had expected to be able to start another shop, lay the foundations of their relationship before anything serious, Tom wanted to speed into a life together. He wanted marriage, he wanted babies, he wanted things that Marci wasn’t sure she was ready for yet and so when Elvis had invited her to join them she’d jumped on a plane without question hoping that Memphis and now Hawaii would bring clarity to what she did want.

It was news that broke Addison’s heart and made it sing at the same time. She felt heartbroken that her friend had been going through it but also glad that this might mean she was coming home. Which is why she hadn’t told her about her and Elvis’ kiss. She felt guilty that Marci had been sitting on all of this, unable to share it with Addison because of the whirlwind the last few months had been. She also didn’t want to sway her decision, force her to come back thinking that Addison would need her help getting over him like she had the first time. It was also why she hadn’t said anything as watched her and Jerry grow closer. Just because an old flame wasn’t right for Addison didn’t mean it wasn’t what Marci needed.

Once her shoes were on she grabbed a couple of pieces of clothing up off the floor and hung them back in the closet, smiling to herself as she went. It didn’t fail to amaze her how she had forgotten just how chaotic sharing a space with Marci could be. How their living arrangement had often felt as though Addison was living with two teenagers instead of one. And yet she couldn’t believe just how much she had missed it. How placing a couple of bathing suits up to dry properly could feel as though she was back home, before Elvis had strolled back into her life, when things were a little less complicated.

‘But were you happy?’ a voice in the back of her mind whispered making her snap back to reality. She wanted to say yes. That her life with just Marci and Jess had been a happy one. Because it had.

‘But Elvis makes you happy too,’ it reasoned. With that Addison slid the closet door closed with more force than she intended meaning the sliding door bounced back forcing her to repeat her action only gentler. This was what she had been living with. Every good thought countered by a bad one. Every bad one countered by a good one. It was exhausting, and she didn’t know how to stop it.

So she did the only thing she knew would help and headed out to dinner given that being around people, especially the buzz of Elvis and his entourage or the giggles of the girls, often forced her to tune those thoughts out.

As she left her room she could hear the rabble not too far away. Given the number of people they had in their group they had practically commandeered an entire quarter of the resort and their hotel rooms were all on one flowing line opposite a view of the exquisite resort gardens that eventually led down into the beach. The stone walkway led off to a courtyard, one covered by a thatch roof that housed a table for thirty as well as a fire pit and seats should they want to stay there. That’s where she was headed but as she walked down the path the door one room up from her opened and Elvis appeared. The timing of it made her wonder if he’d been waiting for her but he looked surprised when he looked up and noticed her coming towards him.

‘Hey,’ he said as she slowed down, his eyes roving over her outfit for a moment though he pretended he hadn’t, ‘I thought everyone was already at dinner.’

‘Just headed there now,’ Addison said gesturing for him to walk with her which he did.

‘No Mar?’ he asked checking behind them before they fell into step beside each other.

‘She headed down already with Jerry,’ Addison said.

‘That so?’ Elvis mused.

‘Yep,’ Addison said with a wry smile. Whilst Marci’s love life had taken her mind off of what was going on between her and Elvis it had also helped them. It had given them a talking point, one that meant they could keep their relationship just as it had been before any of the kiss business.

‘Where are the girls?’ Elvis asked.

‘Joe took the kids down to the games room I think,’ Addison said.

‘Poor Jess,’ Elvis chuckled as Addison looked at him puzzled, ‘all those kids.’

‘I don’t think she minds,’ Addison said suddenly feeling guilty. Though she and Jess had spent a lot of time together on this break there were pockets when she was lumped in as one of ‘the kids’, something Addison hadn’t realised might not have been a good thing on Jess’ end.

‘Well either way I bet she’ll be glad of five minutes peace,’ Elvis said, they were rounding the corner now finding they were the last ones down to the dining area. Most of the kids were gone from the party now save for Lisa, Jess and Dee’s boys who had congregated at one end of the table.

As Elvis took his seat at the head of the table Addison slipped into the only chair that had been left for her next to him. Jerry and Marci were sitting across from her, chatting away to one another, something she didn’t fail to notice made Elvis smirk as he unfolded his napkin and shifted it onto his lap. Fortunately he didn’t say anything and dinner kicked off without incident.

Elvis was enjoying himself, in fact he’d been the happiest he’d ever been on this vacation. He didn’t know how she had such an effect on him. How the past fifteen years felt as though he’d been living his life as though he was watching himself on TV. He remembered it all, every moment lived and yet it felt as though it was this other guy. This Elvis Presley that was somehow him and not him at the same time. With Addison he never felt like that Elvis. He felt like her Elvis. That boy from Memphis.

He knew he’d never truly gotten over her, though he had moved on and for a time he had been happy. But now it felt as though there had always been something niggling in the back of his mind, wanting to pull them back together. That was why he hadn’t pushed her. He hadn’t demanded she be ready to get back together, after all he knew pushing her might only make her pull away and that would devastate him. No he’d let her see that they were good together. That they could be a couple this time, a proper one. No hiding, no caring about what anyone thought or said. He’d let her see that their lives could finally fit together.

He was watching her, enjoying the way she laughed as she told Joe a story he was definitely not listening to given he was too distracted by the woman telling it. There was something about her tonight, something he couldn’t put his finger on. He always thought she was pretty, even when she was chastising him it still made him hot under the collar, but tonight was something else. Her skin had a radiant glow to it, her light brown locks glinted with streaks of gold from where they’d lightened in the sun, and her eyes, her eyes sparkled as she smiled. He wanted to believe it was just the radiance that came with being on vacation but as she noticed him watching her, a smile playing on her lips as she took a sip of wine, he realised what it was. Love.

It made him smile too though he was forced from his thoughts as Jess appeared in between them, looking down on them with a sweet smile.

‘Everything okay honey?’ Elvis asked making her nod.

‘Yeah, I was just wondering if I could go back to the games room,’ Jess said.

‘Alone?’ Elvis asked.

‘No with the boys they’re gonna play pool,’ Jess said looking to where Elvis’ stepbrothers were loitering at the other end of the table. Addison glanced at them. The games room wasn’t too far away though she didn’t like the idea of Jess being split from the main group, especially as night had fallen. It didn’t help that the last time Jess had spent a substantial amount of time with one of the Stanley boys she’d gotten drunk though she figured from the nervous way Rick was watching Elvis that wouldn’t be a problem this time. Not to mention that what Elvis had said was playing on her mind. Jess had done her fair share of being lumped in with the kids, maybe it was time for her to have a bit of time being a teenager. After all it was her vacation too. She could feel Jess’ eyes on her and even though Elvis had spoken he too was now watching her, waiting for her final say.

‘Can I?’ Jess asked watching her mother closely, unable to tell if her decision was falling in her favour. If it was an outright no she probably would’ve just told her so but at that moment she decided to let Elvis take the reins. He was her parent too and she trusted his judgement.

‘If it’s okay with your dad,’ Addison said looking at Elvis.

‘Oh uh, sure,’ Elvis said taken aback that she had deferred to him.

‘Thank you,’ Jess said wrapping her arms around his neck in a quick hug before she tore off to where they boys were waiting. As she disappeared out of sight his eyes drifted back to Addison who smiled at him. It was a small gesture. A barely significant decision in the grand scheme of things but for once she had let him have some control. They’d worked as a team, instead of Addison out there alone. It was a small gesture, but it meant the world.

‘Can I go?’ came a little voice that captured their attention. Lisa was standing at his other side watching Elvis with hope in her little face that made him sigh.

‘I don’t think so button head,’ he said making her pout.

‘Jessie gets to go,’ she said folding her arms across her chest indignantly.

‘Yes but it’s night time and Jess is a lot older than you honey,’ Elvis reasoned.

‘Yeah, besides you don’t wanna hang out with a bunch of silly boys, right?’ Marci said with a smile as she tried to coax her round.

‘Yeah Memphis,’ Jerry said nudging her cheek with his finger, ‘not when you could hang out with us.’

‘What do you say honey?’ Elvis said watching her.

‘Okay,’ Lisa said though there was still a definitive pout on her face as she climbed onto Elvis’s lap. She sat there quietly for a minute, her head resting against his shoulder as she sat astride his knee but then Addison watched as the cogs ticked over in her brain before she said, ‘Daddy?’

It was a good tactic Addison couldn’t deny. Her voice was sweet as sugar yet there was an air of disappointment to it that made Elvis frown as he said, ‘yeah baby?’

‘Can we go to the beach?’ she said looking up at him with hope in her big blue eyes.

‘I don’t know sweetheart,’ Elvis said, ‘it’s getting late.’

‘Please Daddy?’ she said, her bottom lip jutting out so much Addison had to take a swig of wine to stop her smirk from being too noticeable. She didn’t blame him. The sweetness, the puppy dog eyes and the fact she hadn’t failed to call him Daddy instead of Elvis as normal was the perfect trifecta and Addison could see he was falling for it hook, line and sinker.

‘Okay, we’ll go down in minute,’ Elvis said quietly.

‘Ooh can we have s’mores?!’ Lisa said immediately brightening.

‘Whatever you want honey,’ Elvis said stroking her hair as she fell back content with the way she had managed to bend his will so easily.

After that they stayed at the table for a while before eventually heading down to the beach. Whilst some of the group retired to their rooms a few couples joined them taking seats around the roaring fire Elvis had arranged to be waiting for them, along with everything they needed to make s’mores. Lisa sat between them allowing Addison to help her make s’mores though that didn’t stop her from getting a face full of chocolate which she didn’t think twice about wiping on her dress. And though she felt like teasing him something rotten for being able to be won over by a five-year old’s whim she couldn’t help but enjoy herself. Seeing him out there, unbothered and happy made her heart flutter.

Yet he wasn’t her Elvis out here. He was the new man, the one she was still getting to know, and yet the more she saw of him the more she felt as though the two versions of him could meld into one. As she watched him carry Lisa up the steps towards their rooms she felt as though this was what she wanted. All she wanted.

They didn’t take long to get Lisa settled. Jess was already in bed and fast asleep when they both walked into the girl’s room and with some silently skilled manoeuvring Elvis and Addison managed to get Lisa into her pyjamas and in bed without disturbing either of them. Yet as he clicked the door closed he found Addison watching him, that look of love back in her eyes.

‘What’s the matter with you?’ he asked as they walked slowly towards Addison’s adjoining room, neither of them wanting to go much faster as that would mean the end of their night.

‘Nothing,’ she said with a smile.

‘No go on smart ass,’ he chuckled, spinning around to face her as they stopped outside her door.

‘She wanted s’mores on the beach,’ Addison said simply.

‘Yeah and?’ Elvis asked.

‘And you just gave her s’mores on the beach?’ she questioned. Elvis shrugged.

‘Why not?’

‘And if Jess asked for a car tomorrow?’ she probed.

‘I mean I don’t think I’d manage to get it past you but if she wanted one, I’d give it her,’ Elvis said.

‘Just like that?’ Addison asked watching his face closely. There was still a smile ghosting his lips but she could tell what he said next was serious, from his heart.

‘I love her. I have the means and if it’d make her happy I’d do it…’ he said looking down on her as he added, ‘wouldn’t you?’

‘I try my best,’ Addison said honestly. She did try to keep Jess happy as much as she could but that wasn’t always feasible. Sometimes she had to do what was right, what was best for her daughter even if that didn’t always please her. Elvis seemed to be the opposite. He seemed to bend to his daughters will, to make them happy, hence why Lisa could wrap him around her little finger. And yet she couldn’t see that as an entirely bad thing because he acted out of love. Like she did.

‘To make her happy?’ Elvis said moving in a little closer.

‘Yeah,’ she said placing a hand on his chest trying to keep him at a distance though it didn’t do much to stop him.

‘And what about you?’ he asked moving her hair off her shoulder as she peered up at him.

‘What about me?’ she asked.

‘What makes you happy?’ he probed.

‘Lots of things,’ she said quietly, the scrutiny in his blue eyes making her heart beat so loud in her ears she wasn’t sure she had even spoken aloud.

‘There’s nothing you don’t want?’ he asked, his thumb brushing along her jaw making her heart beat even faster though she didn’t know how that was possible, ‘what do you want Addison?’

‘To go to bed,’ she said pulling from his grasp as she laughed nervously, ‘night.’

‘Night,’ he said watching as she threw herself inside her hotel room, the door closing heavily behind her. Elvis sighed and headed to his own door, stepping inside before he closed it gently behind him, resting against it. He was barely there two seconds before he heard a knock on it and turned back to open it. Addison was standing on the other side.

‘Addie-’

‘I want you to kiss me,’ she said and before he could say anything else she flung herself forward their bodies hitting one another in a frantic collision as their lips met. Elvis pulled her to him, allowing her to kick the door closed before she moved them towards the bed, pushing him down on it with a thud. She was on his lap in seconds, her fingers working on the buttons of his shirt as he kissed down her neck, his lips warm against every piece of skin on offer. Yet before he could tackle any of the buttons on her dress she was pushing his shirt off his shoulders and climbing off him, stationing herself between his legs as her hands immediately moved to his shorts. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath, the thin material of his shorts providing no barrier as she moved her hand against him.

‘Fuck Addie,’ he said. They should’ve slowed down. He should’ve taken time to absorb the moment, to enjoy that everything he had wanted for months, no years, was now coming true, but as she yanked his shorts from under him, her hand meeting his member as she swirled her tongue around his tip everything else was lost. As his eyes closed, his fingers running through her loose brown curls Addison continued to use her tongue against him. When they had first been together she had been a naïve schoolgirl. He had taught her everything and in those instances she had allowed him to lead, but not tonight. Tonight she wasn’t thinking about anything else other than what she wanted, what made her happy, even if that was how he groaned as she took him down to the back of her throat.

‘Ads,’ he panted, feeling his excitement speeding ahead with the way she worked him. He wanted everything she had to give and more but as he looked down and caught her eye he was snapped back to reality. He wanted everything but he wanted it with her. He didn’t want their first time back together to be some haphazard quick thing.

‘Addie,’ he said pushing her off him gently. She pulled back, moving to come and sit in his lap, her arms around his neck.

‘What’s the matter?’ she asked breathily.

‘Is this what you want?’ he asked, his blue eyes meeting hers as he watched for any flicker of uncertainty. It didn’t come.

‘Yes,’ she said.

‘Promise?’ he asked. He didn’t know why he was pushing, as if he wanted her to tell him no.

‘I want this Elvis. I want you,’ she said placing her forehead against his. He nodded, kissing her gently before he felt the excitement she had already created start to take hold once more. He stood up, her legs wrapping around his waist as she shrieked making him chuckle. As he placed her down on the bed she started to unbutton her dress, watching as he discarded his shorts completely and returned to hover over her, his mouth returning to her neck.

For a moment it was a frantic rush, a dash to get them completely barren of anything that separated them but once they were both there, everything seemed to slow. Fingers danced along skin, kisses became more languid and passionate, and they seemed to meld into one.

‘You ready?’ Elvis asked from where he had moved to kneel between her legs. She was resting on her elbows, watching him with a smile before she nodded. Elvis didn’t need to be told twice, instead he eased himself in with a groan, moving back so he could kiss her as he started to move his hips. She felt like heaven around him, the content little sigh she offered as he buried himself in her neck music to his ears. His could feel his climax coming, threatening to spill over any moment as if he was some teenage boy who’d just gotten hold of his first playboy, but he made him pace himself. Instead of focusing on his own excitement he watched her, committing every moment to memory, the way he had the first time they had ever done this.

He watched as her eyes fluttered closed, how her chest heaved against his, how she wrapped her legs around him forcing him to go deeper. He listened to her breaths, each now coming a little quicker and punctuated by moans as he did something to elicit them, immediately repeating his moves whenever they came.

‘Ads…honey I ain’t gon’ last much longer,’ he said with a groan as he felt that coil in his belly move to take over. Her eyes fluttered open at his voice, a smile on her lips.

‘I’m right behind you,’ she murmured, her fingers stroking his face gently giving him the go ahead. Elvis shifted, pulling back until they were no longer entangled and instead he was kneeling, her pulled onto his thighs as he moved in and out of her, his fingers playing with her clit as he did. Her head fell back with a moan, her own hands caressing her chest as she fluttered around him.

‘Fuck Addie,’ he grunted, any tenderness now thrown to the wayside for want and need.

‘Right there,’ she panted, ‘oh fuck.’

‘I’m gonna cum,’ Elvis said feeling himself start to spiral. Then she clenched around him and he was gone, spilling into her as she hit her own stride her walls locking onto him like a vice until he was completely empty. As he pulled out he flopped down beside her, immediately moving her onto her side so he could take in everything. Her eyes only opened as his hands found her waist and they fell quiet for a moment, Addison’s finger tracing the planes of his face as he watched her – his heart so full he thought it may burst.

‘Addie,’ he said after a moment but she shook her head silencing him.

‘Can we just do this for a minute?’ she asked hesitantly, ‘no autopsy, no dissecting, just…this, please?’

Elvis watched her. It didn’t escape his notice that she was employing the same tactics Lisa used whenever she wanted something. How her expectant gaze tugged on his heart strings. He could see she was hesitant, nervous even, that was why she was asking. But it didn’t worry him. That glow from before hadn’t gone and he could feel the love there, lingering between them. So if she needed him to take a minute, to allow her to breathe, he’d let her. He give her what she wanted.

✵✵✵

When Addison woke the following morning she was tucked into Elvis’ side, her hand on his chest, the steady thump of his heart underneath her fingertips. Yet it brought her no comfort, not when she knew she’d have to break it.

She’d allowed herself to lose focus, to give into what she wanted rather than what was best. When it came to her daughter she could make those decisions in an instant but he had this thing about him, this way of making her lose all senses. Senses that only came back into play when everything came back down to earth with a crash. She had spent the night watching him, analysing the planes of his face as though this would be the last time she’d ever see him. The way she had the day he had left for the draft. She supposed it was in a way. This was the last time he’d be with her like this, the last time their relationship would be truly okay before she wrecked it. And yet she couldn’t risk not doing. At least if she was the one to do the wrecking, if she got out before it all became a disaster she could minimise the damage. For all of them.

As he started to stir she realised she couldn’t lay there any longer. If he woke up and she was still in his arms it would give him hope, hope she’d have to spark out. So she slipped out of bed, throwing her discarded underwear on before she grabbed her dress off the floor. Yet as she started to button it he stirred, noticing he was lying in bed alone which forced him to open his eyes properly.

‘What’cha doing?’ he mumbled rubbing his eyes before he propped himself up on his elbow.

‘We slept in,’ Addison said continuing to button her dress though she refused to look at him, ‘the girls are probably wondering where we are.’

‘Daddy’s got ‘em,’ Elvis said though when she still didn’t look up he felt ice form in his veins. She was backing out.

‘Addie,’ he said moving towards her, wrapping the sheet around his waist as she picked her discarded shoes up off the floor.

‘I should check on them,’ she said though before she could get away he grabbed her by the waist, holding her still which finally forced her gaze to fall upon him. Her face was riddled with guilt, a quiver playing on her lips as he said, ‘Ads please don’t do this.’

‘Elvis,’ she said thickly.

‘Don’t, honey please don’t do this,’ he said, he was sure it sounded like begging but he couldn’t bring himself to think about pride at a time like this, ‘last night, last night you said you wanted me-’

‘I know,’ she said, tears brimming in her eyes.

‘So don’t do this,’ he said stroking her cheek, ‘please let’s just get back into bed and be what we want to be.’

‘I can’t,’ she said, her hand clasping around his wrist though she didn’t push him off unable to bring herself to get rid of the only comfort she had.

‘Why not?’ he said, ‘I thought we were finally-’

‘I thought so too,’ she said sadly, ‘but I just can’t.’

‘Addie,’ he said as she pulled his hand away and moved towards the door.

‘I’m sorry okay,’ she said, grabbing her purse off the floor, ‘I wish I could but I just can’t. Not again. I’m sorry.’

And then she was out the door barrelling down the stone walkway outside towards the patio area. She could hear him calling her name, unable to get out of the door to follow her quick enough given that he was still undressed. Tears were brimming in her eyes now, but she forced them back hoping she wouldn’t bring too much attention when she got to the courtyard. Fortunately there weren’t many people around and she found Jerry and Marci sitting at a table by themselves.

‘Hey, we were just wondering when you were coming down,’ Marci said though her smile disappeared as she noted her friend’s forlorn expression, ‘what’s going-’

‘Have you seen the girls?’ Addison asked cutting her off.

‘They’re on the beach with Vernon,’ Jerry said feeling just as worried as Marci was as he asked, ‘everything okay?’

‘Can you watch them? When they get back I mean,’ Addison said hurriedly, knowing it wouldn’t take long for Elvis to appear if he had chosen to chase her.

‘Sure, Addie what’s going on?’ Marci said reaching out to touch Addison’s arm but she moved it out of her reach, looking away as she felt those tears start to spill down her cheeks.

‘Just watch them please?’ Addison said and before either of her friends could protest she walked off heading in the opposite direction she had come. Marci watched her friend go. She knew she should probably chase after her, ask her what was going on, but she also knew her friend well enough to know that wasn’t going to help anything. Not yet.

Instead she flopped back in her chair with a sigh, finding Jerry’s eyes on her as he said, ‘what the hell was that about?’

‘I don’t know,’ Marci sighed, ‘but my guess is it isn’t good.’

‘You’re probably right,’ Jerry sighed the cogs turning in his mind for a moment before he said, ‘was she wearing last night’s clothes?’

✵✵✵

Addison didn’t come back that day. She didn’t even come back that night. The thought of facing Elvis, knowing he would watch her with that same heartbroken face he had looked at her with that morning was too much. Yet it didn’t hurt as much as losing him all together had. How knowing they’d been kept apart had torn at her, breaking her into fractions as she tried to jumble the pieces into something coherent enough to look after a child. It didn’t hurt the way being left on her own had, how much it would hurt if she were to lose him again.

As she lay bed, just on the other side of the hotel yet feeling a million miles away, she thought of everything.

She thought of Jess. She thought about how this might affect her. She knew she wouldn’t understand, not yet anyway, but she hoped that eventually she’d see that Addison was making the right decision. She hoped that she’d understand that this didn’t change anything. That no matter what happened between her and Elvis she’d always be her number one priority, like she had been from the moment she was born.

She thought of Elvis. She thought of how he had loved her both then and now. She thought of his touch, his lips murmuring loving whispers into her ear when he thought she was asleep. She thought of that boy who had fought for them and failed. She thought of that boy who had been torn away from her time and time again coming back a whole new man who had never failed to turn her life on its head.

And then she thought of herself. Well not herself as she was now but that scared seventeen-year-old. The one that had cradled her baby bump as she cried herself to sleep night after night wondering if the pain in her heart would eventually make it stop altogether. She thought of the exhausted twenty-year-old trying to comfort her inconsolable child enough to make her fall asleep when the only background music was the screams of girls on the set of the Frank Sinatra show, agog at the idea of Elvis Presley being back on US soil. She thought of the twenty-seven-year-old. The one who had to ignore the twinge in her chest as she listened to the old dears in Marci’s salon rave about the wedding of the century, Elvis and Priscilla.

She couldn’t protect any of them.

She couldn’t make any of them feel any better, heal the hurt in their hearts.

But she could do it for herself now.

She had to.

✵✵✵

To no one’s surprise when Addison awoke the following morning she found she was exhausted and she didn’t expect her day to get any better as she trudged across the resort back to where she should’ve been staying. As she walked through the beautiful scenery she couldn’t help but feel cheated, the sun shining down on everyone, yet a cloud of gloominess seemed to engulf her. When she reached their part of the resort she was relieved to find there was no one around, given the early hour she doubted that anyone would be up which was good because she didn’t feel up to seeing anyone else. The only person she needed to see was Elvis.

She stood outside his door trying to work up the nerve to knock on it. She didn’t know why it was this hard, it wasn’t going to hurt any less if she did it now or ten hours from now, but just as she moved her hand to knock it opened and a woman appeared, Elvis just a step behind her.

‘Oh, uh hi,’ the woman said smiling awkwardly at Addison who looked at her dumbfounded, yet the woman didn’t seem to give her much thought as she turned around looking back at Elvis as she said, ‘call me tonight?’

‘Yeah sure,’ Elvis said though his eyes didn’t leave Addison who was now looking away from the pair of them, a scowl on her face.

‘Well, bye then,’ the woman said before she glanced between them one last time and then headed off down towards the courtyard. Only when she was a way up the pathway did Addison look at him, irritation flaming behind her eyes.

‘You are unbelievable,’ she said, her jaw clenching as she felt anger surge through her forcing her feet to move as she headed towards her room. Whatever she wanted to say now was gone, replaced by anger and a sense of foolishness. Of course he had bedded someone else in her absence. She’d spent her life trying to get over him and yet he’d done it in a night.

‘Addison!’ he called, ‘Addie wait!’

‘For what?! Why you got someone else in there you want me to meet?’ she asked whipping around to find him a step behind her, regret plastered all over his face though it flashed to irritation at her words.

‘Hey you were the one who said no remember,’ he said quietly before he stomped off back to his room. He left the door open, anticipating she would follow him which she did slamming it closed behind her hard enough to make the wooden beams that kept the place together to sway in its wake.

‘So your immediate reaction is to jump into bed with someone else?’ she scoffed.

‘Believe it or not I wasn’t exactly feeling my best last night,’ he snapped making her run her tongue across her teeth, ‘what you don’t believe me? I mean it wouldn’t surprise me seeing as we don’t seem to know what each other’s feeling anymore. I mean I thought we were on the same page that night but then you just dump me like trash on the side of the road-’

‘It wasn’t like that!’ Addison objected.

‘Yeah, well that’s how it feels,’ he countered adding with a mirthless laugh, ‘I guess that’s just your MO.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Addison scoffed, immediately making regret flow through him. They were getting into dangerous territory and he knew it.

‘Nothing, just forget it,’ he said.

‘No go on, if you’ve got something to say, say it,’ she snapped, fury in her eyes as she awaited his answer. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew the words that were dancing on his tongue were bound to cut deep and yet he couldn’t stop himself. She had broken his heart and he wanted to hurt her just as bad.

‘Okay you want to know what I think?’ he asked as though her giving him permission would make it any more justified.

‘Hit me,’ she said sarcastically.

‘You’re selfish,’ he shrugged.

‘What?!’

‘You’re selfish. You pretend you’re not. You hide behind it pretending that you’re just thinking of other people but you’re not. You’re thinking of yourself. Doing what you want,’ he said honestly.

‘That’s not true,’ she protested.

‘Isn’t it?’ he laughed, ‘who were you thinking about when you stomped all over my heart yesterday? Not me. Who were you thinking of when you let me fall in love with you again? I mean did you have any intention of loving me back? Because when you said you loved me for some reason I thought you might be telling the truth-’

‘It’s not that simple!’ Addison shouted. Their voices were loud now, the hurt unable to keep either of them civilised as it poured out of them, fifteen years of anger pain and frustration rearing their ugly head.

‘Because of Jess?’ he asked.

‘Of course because of Jess!’ Addison screamed.

‘Really? Because I think she’s fine with it. I think she’s been fine with it all along. I think you’re using her because you’re worried about how it’ll hurt you. How if this thing collapses, which I don’t understand how you could believe that, how you’ll feel. Not Jess,’ Elvis spat.

‘Don’t I have that right?’ Addison said moving towards him, he was staring down at her, his jaw tight and his chest heaving from where they had been shouting but she pressed on anyway, ‘don’t I get to decide what’s best for me? After everything I’ve been through-’

‘And what about what I went through?’ Elvis retorted angrily.

‘Oh yeah I’m sure a pretty new wife and a cute little kid tore ya up real bad,’ Addison sneered.

‘How about not seeing my daughter for fifteen years? Where does that rate in the Addison pity scale,’ Elvis snapped. It was a low blow, he could tell from the way she inhaled sharply, the pain of the accusation hitting her square in the chest.

‘You said you understood,’ she said, quieter than she had been since this whole thing had kicked off.

‘I did.’

‘And what now I don’t want to get back together you’ve changed your mind? Now you can’t get me into bed I’m a bitch is that it?’ she said.

‘I’m just wondering when you’ll take off again. Hell maybe it’s a good thing I know about Jess. At least this time I’ll get a say in what’s best for her instead of you doing what you think is right like always,’ Elvis said bitterly.

‘How dare you!’ Addison screamed, ‘everything I have ever done is for Jess. She is my family Elvis. The only one who never left me.’

‘I left for us! To save us!’ he yelled at her, ‘hell I even got rid of the Colonel for you!’

‘I never asked you to do that,’ she replied.

‘No but I did it anyway! Because I love you Addison,’ he said his voice dropping in volume as his declaration of love spilled out, ‘but you can’t see past yourself to think about it.’

They were quiet for a moment, the tension in the air palpable as they watched one another. He had done enough, tore into her so much he was sure that any hope they had would be lost by now. He should’ve stopped. He should’ve kept the words inside himself and yet they were there once more threatening to come out as she watched him with pain splashed across her face. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to make her feel the pain he had been living with the moment he had noticed she was going to bolt. And so he went for the thing that would hurt her the most.

‘You know maybe it’s better this way,’ he said with a mirthless laugh, ‘maybe it’s better if we don’t play happy families. Maybe it’s better if we just stay apart, hell, maybe she should stay with me full time.’

‘She wouldn’t leave me,’ Addison said in a whisper, ‘you wouldn’t dare.’

‘Wouldn’t I? I mean you got her for fifteen years why shouldn’t I? You know something? Maybe she’d be better off. She’d sure as shit learn a few things.’

‘Oh yeah like what? How to buy everyone’s love? How to pout like a petulant child when something doesn’t go your way?’

‘Maybe she’d learn that doing what you want, what makes you happy isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe she’d learn that you don’t have to be a god damn martyr all the fuckin’ time and that being miserable doesn’t make you any better than anyone. Maybe she’d learn not to run away at the tiniest hint of a problem,’ Elvis ranted.

‘That’s not what this is,’ Addison snapped.

‘Isn’t it?’ Elvis scoffed, ��you know maybe the Colonel was right. Maybe you are just like Mona.’

He heard it before he felt it. The ear-splitting thwack as her hand slapped him hard across the face pain flooding to it in an instant though he didn’t know how anything could hurt as much as his heart did at that moment. His cheek was hot to the touch as he rubbed where hers had connected with it and yet it didn’t sting as much as the way she was looking at him did. It was a look of betrayal.

He knew he shouldn’t have said it, how his words would cut deeper than he had intended and given the way she was moving towards the door in haste he realised he was right.

‘Addie,’ he sighed stepping forward to follow her though she raised a hand to stop him.

‘Don’t,’ she said trying to remain stern though it was betrayed by the way she was gnawing on her lip trying to keep herself from crying.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said hoping she’d realise he was being honest.

‘You know what?’ she said sadly, ‘if you want me to stick around maybe you should stop giving me reasons to run away.’

And then she was gone, leaving Elvis standing there wishing he’d kept his mouth shut.

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dib-thing-wannabe · 9 months

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Okay, since you guys want it, I'm giving it! I may not be making a separate blog for it, but I am taking asks for it! Oh, and the name of the au is:

Chemical Overdose! Captain Underpants Au

Things to know before sending asks:

✨The only ones who will be answering asks are: George, Harold, Mr. Krupp, Captain Underpants, and Melvin! Don't forget Captain Underpants sidekicks, Flaming Ink and Polar Painter! (Yes they are color coded to make things simpler, and Captain Underpants's text will always be bold) (Also Flaming Ink is the same as George, and Polar Painter is the same as Harold. Those are just their superhero personas.) ✨

❌No Nsfw asks! These are children for crying out loud!❌

💕If you want to make fanart of my au, please do so! Just give credit to the au and tag me in it so I can see it!💕

⏲️This takes place around a year after the movie, and in that time frame Mr. Krupp knows and now accepts the fact that he is Captain Underpants, they have all fought multiple monsters, and the relationships between them are closer! I will incorporate some things from the show into the au as well, but not everything, as not only are they not the same timeline, I also haven't watched the show yet.⏲️

🔊I will occasionally posts things that doesn't have any asks, which just simply means that when the event happened, you guys were just not able to reach them during that time! (During the night, talking with another character, ect.) It means that it was meant to happen and that it couldn't have been prevented by any of you!🔊

📴If I randomly turn off asks, that's because I have reached the post limit and didn't want to be bombarded with asks while not being able to answer them!📴

⭐Do not think that I would find it annoying if you are sending me constant asks, whether I'm online or offline, I actually enjoy knowing that you enjoy my au that much! So send as many as you'd like!⭐

🧪Main premise of the au currently: George and Harold have accidentally fallen into unknown chemicals, and it's seems to be taking some strange effects on their body's, including giving them new powers that they could only ever dream of. Though we still don't know why all of their comics come to life...🧪

Links to check out for some more deep-seated lore and some things you need to know about the characters! (They are all in top to bottom chronological order except for the first two links shown)

Characteristics of the mains for the CO! Au!

The looks of the main CO! Characters!

Only a wish, not yet reality...

Just a simple thing to ask...

A mishap in the night.

It's been told, or rather, shown.

New looks for new heros.

The realization.

The First Fight.

Another Gift.

A poem.

The Neverending Nightmare.

An official thank you.

A memory in their sleep 1/2.

A memory in their sleep 2/2.

This will have unexpected consequences...

The fine line has been burned.

Just so everyone knows, by the time this blog thingy first takes place, it's around two to three days before the event that really cements the fact that it's an au, so there will be mentions of events that happened during that time.

So, with that being said, start sending asks and have fun!

The asks are currently open for: George, Harold, and Melvin!!

(Incase someone wants to read my other little fanfics, here)

The Villain's Untold Moldings (Fandom: Pj Masks):

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

The Evil and The Genius (Fandom: Jimmy Neutron):

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

#chemical overdose! captain underpants au #CO! Captain Underpants Au #george beard #harold hutchins #melvin sneedly #CO! George #CO! Harold #CO! Mr Krupp #CO! Melvin #mr. krupp #tetocu #mr krupp #co! captain underpants #Flaming Ink #Polar Painter #Charred Ink

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kedreeva · 1 year

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hi Ked! hope the snakewatching is going well. I've been meaning to ask, because I know you've been writing fanfiction for quite a while: do you ever feel as though community engagement has trended down over the years? and if so, do you have any advice for fighting the feeling that you're wasting your time/energy for a silent audience that just consumes and moves on?

I think it has, but I think it hasn't. But I think our perspective on it has changed, vastly.

The thing is, fandom back in the day was just plain old smaller and more tightly-knit by necessity. Before the net was so big, spaces we could go were limited, mostly fan-controlled, often difficult to find, sometimes clunky to use if you were learning (waving at IRC, hello, I hate you still), and due to all of this were often just... smaller. You could know MOST of the people in a fandom space. You had some degree of genial relationship with readers because you talked to them. Archives outside of ff.net were common, curated spaces with amounts of fic that were relatively consumable in total, as in you could go to a fan-run archive, read every piece of fiction there, and then have to find a new one, which probably had at least some of the same fic on it. Even ff.net, a lot of the fandoms present in the early days it was just like. you had 20 fics, you had 100 fics, whatever the number was, and because the spaces were small and the population online was smaller than now, there just... weren't enough creators to constantly have access to new fic or art. I remember waiting for archives to update their collections because most of them you couldn't just add your work to yourself. And I remember that the best way to encourage that to happen faster was to go and get the creator worked up/excited about their thing again by talking to them about it.

Now, fandom is easily accessible. Now, there are platforms all over the place. If you don't like the section of fandom you're in, it's easy to find another, even within the same platform. Don't like this part of tumblr? Block some people and follow others. Don't like this discord server? leave and join a different one (or make one). Don't like twitter/instagram/tiktok/tumblr/livejournal/wattpad/pillowfort/whatever the fuck other platform? Try a different one!

I am grateful for this sprawl. I'm grateful for fandom being easy for everyone to access, for it being so much easier to find somewhere you can settle and have others who like things you like. I think everyone should have a home.

But that does mean sometimes fandom spreads thin. It does mean that instead of 100 creators, there could be a thousand. There could be two thousand. And instead of one place to find it all, there's a gabillion.

But... the amount of story and art a single human being is physically capable of finding and interacting with (reading, viewing, commenting on etc) hasn't gone up. I can only read at the pace I read at, same for anyone. The fandom I'm in has created AT LEAST 29,000 works in the last 11 months, on one platform (AO3). That's almost 90 fics a day for 11 months. And I know for a fact that not all of the stuff that's been written gets posted there, that's just the stuff I KNOW for SURE has been written since a specific date because I searched a character tag for a character that didn't exist before a certain date.

I don't know about you, but I'm not Readers Georg. I can't engage with every fic in a fandom anymore. I can't even engage with a tenth of the fic in fandom anymore just to purely read it, and by the time I'm done reading one, there's 7 more to take its place.

So, I don't think engagement has trended downward so much as I think it's spread out as fandom spreads out. I think it's more important now than it was before, to try to actively engage with creators, because of this. And I think it's important for creators to try to engage back, too. But I also know it's impossible to go back to how things were, and impossible to make a large fandom behave the way a small fandom did. I also also know that if you ever go into a small fandom, like a rarepair, you will almost certainly see an echo of the past with regards to engagement. I wrote a couple things for small fandoms more recently, and because they have far, far less fic available, they seemed to comment more on what was there. They engaged in community ways, going back and forth in comments instead of just "good job""thanks" the end. they have more time for it. A small enough fandom may go days or weeks without new fic, leaving them time to do those sorts of things, without the fear they're missing out on one of today's 90+ fics.

I can't offer any kind of quick fix, because I don't think it's necessarily broken. But I can say that you should always try to be the change you want to see. When you read something, leave the kind of comment you'd want to get. There's another fic around the corner, yes, but you can't read 90+ fics a day for 11 months straight. And neither can anyone else, and remembering that might put it into perspective.

If you want community, read the OTHER COMMENTS when you read stuff, and engage with the other readers; if anything, THAT is the major missing factor in this day... readers engaging each other over fan creations, rather than just creator-> consumer or consumer-> creator. The most fun i ever had writing on AO3 was when I was writing Siren's Song and readers started talking to each other in the comments about what would happen. A whole little community sprung up around readers talking to each other about what happened after one of my other fics ended. I think that's a missing element that often goes unspoken, and maybe that could help a lot if you feel like the audience is silent. Maybe they are. Maybe they don't know it's okay to talk to each other, too. Go into the audience and make some noise.

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david-talks-sw · 2 years

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Doylist outlook on the Anakin & Council scenes during "The Phantom Menace"

About 4 years ago, I'm talking to an older friend of mine who grew up with the Original Trilogy.

He tells me that one of the disappointments of the Prequels, for him, is that the Jedi Knights had been built as these "Knights of the Round Table" and, instead, what his generation got was "monks who'll pick on a 9-year-old for being afraid".

Which makes sense in a story about their corruption and downfall, but he'd have preferred to root for them, see them in their heyday.

And, like, I agreed.

I didn't necessarily feel they were picking on him when I watched the scene as a child, my takeaway from that scene was the "fear leads to anger" part. But when I was thinking back on it as an adult, what my friend said seemed to track, and it was in-line with the "Jedi are corrupt" prism through which a lot of people see the Prequels, 2018-me included.

But nowadays - having read a whole bunch of George Lucas quotes and rewatched the scene - I don't think that it's meant to be perceived that way.

I've briefly touched on this last year, but if we look at this scene from a Doylian perspective, rather than a Watsonian one, it's clear to me that the point of this scene is three-fold.

1) Moving the story along, making sure Anakin is present in the third act.

"This was a little tricky, when writing the script, in that I didn’t want Anakin to become a Jedi yet, cuz I’m saving that for the end of the movie. But at the same time I still had to have him tag along. (laughs) And I was able to use, really, the device of the fact that Anakin had been put in Qui-Gon’s care and that he had promised his mother that he would take care of him as a way of allowing him to take the boy along with him on this trek… to the next third of the movie. But one of the difficulties of writing a script with lots and lots of characters is rationalize why everybody’s along." - The Phantom Menace, Director’s Commentary, 1999

This one's pretty simple to follow.

We need Anakin in the third act so he can blow up the big ship at the end. So the Council doesn't take Anakin in, but let's Qui-Gon keep him as a ward until a more definitive decision can be made.

2) Foreshadowing Anakin's inevitable downfall.

"We have the little testing scene which is really designed to allow him to be accepted as a Jedi, eventually. Because he has the powers… but as Yoda points out, there’s a lot of fear in him, and anger. That’s why they actually deny him the chance to become a Jedi. But it’s also - when they relent later on - it’s the thing that ultimately begins to describe some of his downfall". - The Phantom Menace, Commentary Track #2, 1999

Also straightforward. Anakin will become Vader, so let's hint at this.

The Jedi are clairvoyant wizards, they see all the red flags but must also admit that his future is clouded. In doubt, they'd rather err on the side of caution and not train him.

As George explained in Cut Magazine, in 1999, both the Council's prediction and Qui-Gon's decision are ultimately correct and wrong; Darth Vader does plunge the galaxy in darkness, but he will also bring back balance to the Force.

3) Illustrating the Jedi's principles by injecting his own values into their teachings.

"Ideas don't come into a story that easily. A lot of the time the characters have to say what you mean, and to do that the characters usually have to have differing opinions about the idea so they can discuss it." - (collected in The Star Wars Archives: 1999-2005), 1996

This is where things get tricky. What did George mean?

Well, there's plenty of quotes where he says Jedi can feel emotions, namely love... what does he say about fear, specifically?

Okay, so that sounds a helluva lot like what Yoda says. Or rather, Yoda sounds a helluva lot like George.

If we go by the idea that the Jedi are, "dunking on Anakin and chastising him for being afraid because they've lost their way and now repress their emotions"... then it's inconsistent with what George Lucas was saying in the above quotes, because he clearly agrees with Yoda and uses the character as a vector to get his own ideas across.

It'd also wouldn't track with what we see in The Gathering, during The Clone Wars, in which we see that to gain their kyber crystal, a Jedi must overcome their weaknesses - including facing their fears.

So either George wanted us to think the Jedi Council collectively decided, on that specific day, to say "to hell with everything we stand for: fuck this kid in particular, just because"... or that's not how we're meant to read the scene.

I'd say the only reading that is consistent with everything George said is the following:

Anakin is afraid, he misses his mom. Which is normal.

The Jedi sense this and ask him how he feels, hoping he'll have the sense of admitting to this feeling (first step towards solving a problem is acknowledging there is one).

Anakin refuses to admit he's afraid, even after they explain that they know he is. He doesn't see what him being afraid has to do with anything.

Yoda explains the dangers of unchecked fear. If you don’t address or overcome it, it'll eventually lead to suffering and the Dark Side.

So Anakin being afraid isn’t the issue in itself, it’s that he won’t even acknowledge that that fear is there. Which, again, is completely normal, but a Jedi is supposed to be above that... and Anakin's age makes it so that he'll have a hard time learning this.

Hence why they initially decide he won't be trained.

So Lucas was clearly going for a classic Yoda moment, like "do or do not" in Empire Strikes Back… but to most people, the way the scene is written makes the Council seems cold, unfeeling, and dunking on a 9-year-old and makes Qui-Gon look like the reasonable one.

Could George have conveyed his intent more clearly?

Now, another writer might have decided to illustrate this philosophical lesson about unchecked fear differently, in a way that makes the Jedi seem kinder, less detached and more relatable. Lucas will be the first to admit that he’s not that writer.

"I'd be the first person to say I can't write dialogue. My dialogue is very utilitarian and is designed to move things forward. I'm not Shakespeare. It's not designed to be poetic. It's not designed to have a clever turn of phrase. [...] Dialogue isn't my strength. I use it as a device. I don't particularly like dialogue which is part of the problem." - EMPIRE, 1999

He writes dialog that takes you from point A to point B. The bottom line is Anakin's got too much fear and that he's too old? He'll stick to that bottom line.

It also doesn't help that, well, we're only shown Anakin as a sweet child, without being shown the traits that make the Council go "hmmm maybe not".

Like, the more explicit way would be to show the Council having a vision of death and destruction and Anakin standing in the middle of it... but you wouldn't even need to go that far.

Originally the scene went on for just a tad longer, with the Council prodding Anakin more and the latter screaming "I'M NOT AFRAID!" in anger.

Thus proving Yoda's point, that there's some unchecked fear and anger in him which - due to his age - will be difficult for him to master.

This was cut from the final movie, but was kept in printed editions of the script and the novelizations.

Interestingly, there was also this other deleted scene, where Anakin gets in a fight with a young Greedo, after the latter accused him of cheating at the Boonta Eve race.

According to this commentary, the scene was cut (to Rick McCallum's dismay) because George felt that - while it showed Anakin had a temper - it didn't really establish his character one way or the other, in the scope of The Phantom Menace.

And therein lies the issue, right?

George isn't building a cinematic universe, he's not making a TV series: he's making 3 movies, each about 2 hours long.

There's a short amount of time and a looot of stuff he'd like to say about how a good kid becomes a bad man and how a democracy becomes a dictatorship, and all the other subplots regarding symbiosis etc... that's a lot of things for a movie.

So when he's structuring how the Prequels explore the first theme, it's done as such:

First movie: Show Anakin was a sweet kid, hint at his fear.

Second movie: Show Anakin's other flaws, his love for Padmé & Shmi's death, which will eventually increase his fear and mark the first step toward his fall to the Dark Side.

Third movie: Anakin's fear of losing Padmé causes his fall.

And that's it. Nothing happens outside these movies.

A project with a larger scope (or one that only focused on Anakin's rise and fall) might've explored how Anakin felt growing up in the Temple alongside other already-trained Jedi, his trauma from his days as a slave, his anger issues, whether he ever asked the Jedi to go back and rescue his Mom, more details on his friendship with Obi-Wan, how Palpatine manipulated him from day one...

In that project, you'd put those deleted scenes and lines back in.

But this ain't that project. This is the space equivalent of a fairy tale.

So, to Lucas, none of the above factor into the story about Anakin's downfall, by virtue of not being in the movies.

Which makes it unrealistic to a majority of viewers. But George (indie experimental filmmaker with a vision) had a very specific thesis he was going for:

So at some point we're left with two choices.

1. "Death of the Author"

If George's thesis wasn't conveyed clearly enough, or executed well enough and what you saw killed your suspension of disbelief, or if you plainly disagree with George's view on fear... then obviously, go to town with heacanons, go with the "Jedi are dunking on Anakin 'cause they lost their way" interpretation.

Sure, it's not what George Lucas was going for, but as my friend who I mentioned at the start said to me more recently: "Who cares? Either the Jedi are intentionally meant to be seen as arrogant, emotionless a-holes, or the Prequels are bad movies."

Which I disagree with, but hey :D

2. Seeing the scene the way it was originally intended.

This is the one I'm going with. If you still like George's thesis and see it clearly when you watch the Prequels, then great.

In that moment, Qui-Gon - while ultimately correct about Anakin being the Chosen One - is being rash and trying to force Anakin in a mold the Council and Obi-Wan know he'll struggle to fit in. In that moment, they're in the right, he's in the wrong, and Anakin is caught in the middle. And that's pretty much it.

In the end, the most important part of that whole scene is the message "fear leads to anger, hate and suffering". And these are movies for kids. And as a kid... I got the message.

So the scene did its job with high scores, as far as I'm concerned.

#I already touched on this scene before a couple of times so I thought I'd put all my thoughts in one post #jedi #attachment #anakin #george lucas #sw meta #bts tidbits #star wars #tpm #the phantom menace #jedi order #meta #anakin skywalker #long post #this has been in my drafts for months ffs #need to find the time to complete this stuff

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meraki-yao · 3 months

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I kind of feel guilty even saying this out loud to other people so I'm not gonna tag this except for "personal"

So... I feel weird about Mary & George.

Not the show itself, if anything if we're just talking about the show as a show I'm really damn excited to watch it, it made me search up George Villiers and I went on a whole rant about the guy to my sister and my friend

It's just... this dreaded feeling that it will overtake RWRB? Somehow? Which isn't fair, they're not in the same category at all with the sole exception of Nick being a main character being the common factor, but at the end of the day, M&G will be consistent new content

I don't know, it kind of feel like when a family has a second child for the beginning most of the attention will be given to the younger kid and the older kid is kind of just... there (I say as an actual older kid)

Like... I mentioned in my first vent post, RWRB is my lifeline, and it still is. Shit has not improved, tbh it got worse, and I'm trying to deal with it and fix it, but it's really hard to stay motivated, and I'm mostly clinging to RWRB and my sister to stay afloat, and by RWRB, at this point it's mainly fan content here on Tumblr

I'm just kind of scared that... with M&G as new content, RWRB will be... overshadowed?

And I'm sure I'm gonna enjoy the hell outta M&G, it's just not gonna have the same weight and value as RWRB has, it won't be personal

(also there's a little bit about Nick's likeness fucking with 14 people when I'm so devoted to firstprince, but I'm fully aware that that's kind of a parasocial relationship issue that I need to figure out)

I think part of me can't stop mourning the sheer amount of interviews and promos and stuff RWRB lost, while M&G is probably getting all of that. I'm kind of jealous. Which isn't fair because by all means I'm happy for Nick getting better projects and getting recognized, but still.

... Yeah. I kind of had this feeling since the teaser came out in November, and I thought I could figure out to deal with it but not there yet

#personal

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sacrificesapnap · 1 year

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My all-time favourite DNF fanfiction

Over the last year and a half, I have read almost every single DNF fic that has been posted to AO3, yet ended up with a rec list with just over 10 fics. These are my favourite favourite DNF fics. If you think I’ve missed something - let me know!! I always need new fanfic to read :)

This list will be updated when I find something that I think deserves a top spot. Please make sure you read tags before reading, because a lot of these will have adult content and other possibly triggering subjects. I hope you enjoy!

Heat Waves by tbhyourelame

Word count : 51,840

Dream has always held a gentle admiration for George, but when their nuanced friendship trickles into his sleeping mind, he awakens to a new world of conflicting emotions and longing. Lost in the midst of a heat wave, he continuously listens to a song that works itself in to the very core of his heartache. Floridian nights, unsent messages, spiraling infatuation, and terrible, terrible weather.

This is an obvious recommendation but how could I actually make a fic rec list without putting heatwaves on it. It has great characterisation, a lot of the plot is true to real life or close to real life, and it has a painfully accurate amount of overthinking and pining. Heatwaves itself is finished, however the sequel Helium is a WIP, which the author has said they currently have no plans of finishing. Either way, it’s well worth reading, and a must-read to anyone new to the fandom or new to reading fics.

When by hayloftown

Word count : 163,493

Trust doesn't come easily, but fear does. Dream was dealt a bad hand, who can blame him for his hostility? Or, in which Dream comes from a bad background and finds safety in a new home. Whether that "home" be the place or the people, he is unsure.

God, hayloftown’s fics are incredible. I am not joking when I tell you I have never cried more at a book or fanfic EVER. It was devastating. That being said I literally had to read it in one sitting. This fic describes complex emotions, feelings and especially bonds between people incredibly, and it is so enjoyable to watch dream’s character develop throughout. I actually felt hollow after reading this, because by the end I loved all the characters so much I never wanted it to end. This fic has some pretty heavy themes, so please read tags before reading this one.

Stars, Stripes and Aristocratic Snobs by hayloftown

Word count : 122,536

Even hundreds of years since their historical wars over independence, American politics and British royalty still struggle to get along, as seen in the rivalry between first son Clay “Dream” Chapman and Prince George of Wales. After a week long trip to the UK after the "tragic" passing of Prince Charles, the successor to the throne and Prince George's father, the two are forced to get along and put forth a better front for the ever-present media.

It’s only fair to have two works by hayloftown on this list, because they are both favourites of mine. I am such a sucker for royalty au’s (prepare to lots more on this list) so this was perfect to me. The summary says everything you need to know about this fic, so I won’t say too much, but I really enjoyed George and Dream’s dynamic in this fic, and I’m a slut for george in a position of power (sorry not sorry).

I’ve Never Fallen From Quite This High by Scoops (consciousness_streaming)

Word count : 92,419

A phone call out of the blue after two months in Florida turns George's life up side down. As one relationship falls apart, another falls together.

This fic is soooo good. Without spoiling too much, George deals with his parents’ relationship problems whilst developing a relationship with dream (I’m telling you this because I had this in my marked for later for ages and I didn’t read it because I was scared the aforementioned relationship that was falling apart was karlnap lol). If you love family dynamics and domestic fluff this is a must read. George’s mum is the main character in this honestly she’s such an icon, but I just love the dynamic between all the characters in this. 10/10 would recommend.

The mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix series by saintaches

Word count : 108,775 across three works

Dream and George attend the same prestigious conservatoire, and they fucking hate each other.

I will admit that I originally clicked on this fic for the porn. However, after reading the plot that came with the porn, it turned into one of my favourite fics ever. It’s so beautifully written, a bit purple prosey at times, and is honestly art in writing form. Honestly parts of these works are a little devastating, but its worth it for the development of both dream and George individually and their relationship.

Metanoia by 24notfound

Word count : 246,211

Following the death of Queen of Salacia, George is thrown into kingship. And in reluctantly preparing for an indefinite war on the account of avenging his mother, George's vision seems to get blurred by the unlikely and unexpected bond he forms with the Prince of Vulcan: Dream.

Honestly this is just the perfect fantasy dnf fic, combining royalty and war with elemental powers. Aside from all the family dynamics and dnf’s actual relationship, the two things that I loved the most in this fic were the relationship between George, Karl and Quackity and their wonderful outfit’s and parties. Another perfect work.

as for praise and worship by squigly

Word count : 121,006

George is a detective working for Scotland Yard investigating a string of art thefts linked to grisly murders. Dream is a gambler who knows more than he lets on. They can't stay away from each other, even when they should.

This is such a wonderful plot heavy story, and the way squigly created this world and developed the story around Dream and George’s characters will have you gripped from the first chapter. Honestly, this story deserves to be published as a novel, it just has such an immersive and exciting storyline that I have no doubt you will read this in one setting (just like I did).

for you, the stars by andthentheybow

Word count : 115,149

There is exactly one person in the entire universe that knows Doctor George Davidson is alive, and that’s George himself. Even with everything against him- starvation, damaged machinery, the environment, and human error- he’s determined to not become the first person to die on Mars. And once they find out he’s alive, his crew resolves to do everything they can to bring him home.

When I first read the description for this fic I was not expecting to love it as much as I do simply because the situation is so far removed from both cc!dnf and c!dnf that it didn’t feel like it would work. However, their characters in this are so true to real life, and the astronauts have to face publicity and pressure from the public. I love this because I feel like georges intelligence gets lost all the time in fanfiction, but hes appreciated in all his genius glory here, pure bamf George through and through. Good bit of angst and pining, a side of karlnap, and really funny roles for a lot of the other smp members, this is just a really enjoyable read.

Reflections by darlingsdream

Word count : 128,341

In which Dream is assigned as Prince George's new personal guard and finds that it is surprisingly easy to fall for the royal with the spunky attitude but incredibly hard to keep his secrets from him.

This is a perfect Prince!George / Knight!Dream story. It has lots of plot twists and angst but its worth it for such a good story. If you love fantasy or the dynamic between princes and their guard, you will love this. I need to reread this asap tbh.

cinnamon and swirl by offday

Word count : 83,327

Sapnap stays quiet a moment, and while Dream sniffles, the little girl in his lap turns, taps against his face like the tears are common. Dream kisses at her hand, promises her he is okay. He acts like nothing is wrong. Like Sapnap isn’t crying in front of him too, when he should be scolding Dream.

“Why didn’t you?” Sapnap asks as he swipes the back of his hand over his nose. “I mean, not even George?”

Dream decides to tell his friends about his daughter right before they move in.

This is hands down the best DNF kid fic ever!! For some reason, I much prefer kid fics where one person is a single parent and the other person joins them later on. This fic is just perfect. I love that it’s not an AU (other than the fact dream is a dad), I live for uncle Sapnap and dreamnap’s friendship and I would die for protective dad!dream like that’s so attractive are you kidding me. I don’t care if you don’t normally like kid fics, read this now!!

Protected by Anonymous

Word Count : 102,200

Dream is the Crown Prince and the future king. His sworn duty is to protect his kingdom from outside threats, especially from the scourge of magic.

George is his best friend and, technically, his servant. And he has a secret.

I wish the author of this fic would reveal themselves because I would die to read more of their work. Anyway. I love this so so much. It’s a merlin AU fic where George has magic in a kingdom where magic is banned. Another great one for anyone that likes royalty au’s and once again it has a healthy amount of pining and angst all mixed in with fluff and fantasy and ugh I love it. A lot of fantasy fics are heavy on dream protecting George but I love the dynamic in this where magic George is secretly protecting dream and saving his life. To be honest this fic lives in my head rent-free sometimes. Even if you think this won’t be your cup of tea please just give it a try because it’s so good!

#dnf fic #dnf #dnf fanfic #dreamnotfound #dreamnotfound fic #dnf fic recs #fic recs #dsmp #mcyt #georgenotfound #dream #dreamwastaken #dnf ao3 #this feels like a piece of my soul

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