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ironunderstands · 5 days

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Yapping about why I love Aventio and what I feel makes it a great ship

(If you hate it I urge you to read this, because you don’t have to agree with me, but I want you to get where Aventio shippers are coming from at least)

I’ve just really wanted to talk about why I love Aventio because the people do not get it like I do and GODDD ITS SO GOOD WHEN DONE CORRECTLY UGHHHHH

Also this is gonna be VERY stream of consciousness I do not have a plan besides dragging you through my brain so enjoy the ride.

I guess the best place to start is the fact that Aventurine and Ratio are my two favorite characters in the game. Like even if they have no interactions with each other ever and might as well be from different pieces of media I would ship them, because I like seeing characters I like interact and the fun police cannot catch me. That’s a really shallow personal reason though and I feel like the rest I have will be able to be appreciated by others.

GOD THE DYNAMIC IS SO GOOD RAAAAAA

Two emotional constipated dumbasses circling around each other like black holes trying desperately to deny and run from their feelings when they have both fallen hard. The lack of acknowledgement of feelings on both ends is TRAGIC and it makes me want to rip my eyes out in a good way, let’s start with Ratio.

Unfortunately my glorious king Ratio has been mischaracterized to hell and back but we will get to that (and the Incorrect Reasons Why People Hate Aventio) later. Instead I will go over his actual character; a deeply insecure, intelligent man who desperately wants the rest of the galaxy to come to the realizations he has long since stumbled upon, but has been so isolated from his peers from such a young age that he’s doomed to fail in literally every social interaction he has and be misunderstood by both the audience in universe and irl (the autistic coding isn’t helping him either).

Ratio is tragically misunderstood again, both in universe and by the audience, which is why it means so much that Aventurine Gets Him. Aventurine pushes his buttons, tears down that literal cold marble facade masking the deeply silly and caring man beneath (this man bathes with rubber duckies in the privacy of his own home 😭), and that scares the shit out of Ratio. People aren’t meant to see through him, Ratio acts rude not just because he believes it’s the best way to help people, and because he believes he himself is mundane and the conclusions they come to should be their own, not his.

No, it’s also because on some level Ratio is afraid to be vulnerable around people. As much as he pretends like it doesn’t affect him, Nous’s rejection has hurt and haunted Ratio for his entire life. And I do mean his entire life, even in high school he had already set up a strict routine for himself, something commented on by his teacher, Ratio has quite literally always been striving for some sort of perfection and the fact that he cannot achieve it kills him.

Moreover, the guy just grew up way too fast, he didn’t have time to develop social skills. We see it in that afformentioned relationship with his teacher, in which they recommend Ratio (who is again in high school) to be moved up to college level stuff and transferred due to his success. He has quite literally never been able to just relax in a environment of his peers, Ratio for some reason we don’t yet know has always been dedicated to constant improvement and that leaves no room for dealing with failure.

On some level, he knows this too, that he can never be perfect. Ratio is part of the Mundanites in the Intelligenica Guild for a reason, he doesn’t just see himself as mediocre because he believes everyone is and that’s ok, but also because he looks down on himself for being too mediocre for the Genius Society, being too mediocre for Nous’s acknowledgement, being too mediocre for anything.

Which is tragic because Ratio is very accomplished and he is very smart, and his character stories aren’t even told from his pov, but rather in the style of documentaries and letters (his professor) and other works on his well acclaimed life. We don’t ever get to see how Ratio really sees himself, just the tiny cracks in his marble facade that let the real man behind the character shine through.

Because that’s what he’s playing 90% of the time, a character. Whether it be at the Herta Space Station in which his real goal was to uproot the researchers blind worship of the Genius Society, or in Penacony in which he plays up the arrogant, narcissistic scholar both people in universe and irl make him out to be, both to serve a goal bigger than himself.

Sincere moments from Ratio are RARE but god are they beautiful, his conversation from Screwllum in 1.6 and his note to Aventurine in 2.1 will forever haunt me in the best way possible. If you want to understand Ratio as a character, yes read his character stories, but just watch that damn scene with Screwllum it is phenomenal. He cares so much and is so, so bad at expressing it, he drives me nuts, Veritas Ratio the man you are.

And the thing is, it seems like he’s always been playing a character and doesn’t know where the real him ends anymore so he just sticks to the way people perceive him a lot of the time. Like as a kid he was constantly striving to be the best so he missed a lot of necessary developmental shit, and as an adult he’s a celebrity so it’s hard for him to attach himself to others anyways because society and his students will hound him for it.

And then you throw Aventurine into the mix, and oh boy does shit get interesting.

Veritas Ratio, perfect “unfeeling” Veritas Ratio and the one person who gets him well enough to push all his buttons and expose the vulnerable underbelly he thought he hid so well. On a fundamental level, Ratio understands this, which is why he doesn’t bother with the alabaster head, as pretending the real him is just as unfeeling and uncaring is easier.

So he brushes off Aventurine’s jests as if they are an insult to his very existence, he can’t look in Aventurine’s eyes when he “betrays” him because his poker face would break, he leaves as soon as he’s done talking because lingering would allow the weight of their conversations to sink in. Part of it is because for pretty much all of Penacony, up until the note Ratio gives him, Ratio is acting, trying to play up the role of the arrogant, unfeeling scholar to make Sunday buy the betrayal plan, because to Sunday this behavior is signs of a bad relationship between the two (honestly the fact that the audience also interpreted it this way makes me mad like did yall seriously not pay attention, but also happy because if even the players were fooled that means Sunday buying it is believable).

However, even if it feeds into his insecurities, Aventurine knows that false facade and loves tearing it down. It’s very telling that the second time we see Ratio really freak out (the first being at Herta Space Station) is at the suggestion that he came to narrate Aventurine’s demo not because of knowledge or respect for the show or whatever, but because he genuinely likes the guy. What makes it even better is that Aventurine is the one who suggested it, and already figured out the excuses Ratio was going to use to deny it. Ratio can fool everyone else in the galaxy, but he cannot fool Aventurine, and on a fundamental level that is what makes their dynamic work, because Ratio knows Aventurine in the exact same way.

Aventurine can shove away people who care about him, out of distrust and fear that they will leave him like his family did. He can believe he’s unloveable and a person so detestable that even the actions he performs in order to stay alive condemn him to hate himself as much as the rest of the galaxy hates him. But, Ratio doesn’t see him that way.

Aventurine doubts his intelligence, if he has really earned anything he’s done and in his voiceline about Ratio, doubting if Ratio even sees him as smart or worthy. However, Ratios voiceline about Aventurine is about how he believes Aventurine is smart and worthy, and that his doubt will be his downfall if he doesn’t come to the realization that he isn’t worthless.

Ratio knows Aventurine’s one weakness, the one thing that could stop him; himself. That’s why he gives him the note urging him to stay alive and keep on living because ultimately Aventurine will only ever fail if he gives up. And The Note Is Enough, Aventurine walks into the event horizon of a black hole, confident he can return alive on the other side because someone cares about him, BECAUSE RATIO CARES ABOUT HIM, and wants him to live on even if Aventurine doesn’t feel that way towards himself.

In the metaphorical and literal manifestation of the meaningless of the universe, in the face of overwhelming nihility, Aventurine survives because someone loves him, and with that love he’s strong enough to brave even that.

Even if they can’t admit it out loud, these two deeply, deeply care for one another and trust each other perhaps more than anyone else in the narrative. The betrayal plan would have never worked if there was not mutual trust, Ratio wouldn’t have gone to Penacony in the first place if he didn’t trust Aventurine, and Aventurine wouldn’t have asked him to come if he did not trust him. We don’t just see this trust between Aventurine and Ratio either, and Jade and Topaz both trust him with their cornerstones, but ultimately it’s Ratio who’s physically with him the whole time, risking his life alongside him for the sake of their plan.

As much as people like to ignore it, lying to the Family members, to Sunday, is extremely dangerous and puts Ratio’s life in danger as much as it does Aventurine’s. Ratio is not an irrational person, he wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t have faith Aventurine would succeed, he would not have done if he didn’t think he would return. They have absolutely faith in one another and it’s beautiful.

Aventurine’s first constellation is named “Prisoner’s Dilemma” for a reason. A social experiment in which two prisoners are captured and separated, if they sell the other one out and remain silent, they go free but the other remains in jail for 20 years. If they both sell each other out, they get a sentence of 5 years.

But if they both remain silent, trust the other, they even if they physically can’t communicate and don’t know what the other says, they get the best possible outcome, only one year in jail each. It requires a sacrifice on both ends, they both still have to go to jail, but only for a year, and only if they trust each other completely, as if the other sells them out they will be in jail for 20.

The prisoners dilemma relies completely on trust, and it’s the exact situation Aventurine and Ratio face in the Penacony quests. Aventurines doubts if Ratio’s betrayal was real or not, even if he set it up himself, and Ratio worries about Aventurines survival, if continuing this plan will end well. “You can’t expect a featherless bird to take flight” isn’t just Ratio chastising Sunday, he’s genuinely worried that this plan will put Aventurine at too much of a disadvantage to continue on.

But they both trust each other, and if just like in the Dilemma neither come out completely unscathed (although it’s much worse on Aventurine’s end), they ultimately achieve their goal.

God is it sweet and corny in the best way possible

I want to kill this fandoms perception of stoic, emotionless Ratio because once people realize he’s actually the corniest mf ever is the day I sleep easy. He makes statues of himself doing Jojo poses, he plays chess versus himself, he named himself Veritas (truth), he loves rubber duckies, he literally sits in a bathtub couch, and Aventurine breaths and he gets flustered.

Ratio so deeply silly, chronically corny, it’s a crime he needs to be locked up someone stop him.

And Aven brings that out of him. His teasing reveals the goofball trying so desperately to disguise himself as a serious scholar. Ratio is very smart of course, but that only makes his silliness better, as you watch this absolute genius of a man behave like a tsundere schoolgirl.

It’s not like Aventurine is some paragon of seriousness either, he’s the one teasing Ratio, fucking around even in a serious mission. Yeah it’s partly because he wants Sunday to think he’s incompetent, but it’s also because Aventurine genuinely is having fun, enjoying himself before the serious part of the plan kicks in, and the meantime he does that by messing with Ratio.

Their dynamic of Aventurine messing with Ratio, and Ratio trying desperately to pretend like it doesn’t affect him is as hilarious and heartwarming as it is tragic, and that dichotomy is why I love them so much. It’s fun and it hurts so so much because their interactions being this flavor of silly leaves almost no room for the sincerity they both desperately need from one another.

AND GOD I NEED IT TO HAPPEN. RATIO MENTAL BREAKDOWN SCENE PLEAASEEE LET HIS WALLS CRUMBLE PLEEEEAASEE PLEASE PELADE PLEASEEEE EPLES DOLS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

They’ve gotten closer and closer and closer and soon something’s gonna snap because they are so close yet so distant and if something doesn’t change the tension is just gonna boil over AND I NEED IT TO HAPPEN. I need more Ratio scenes I need more interactions with him I need him with his guard down I need him to profess out loud that he cares about Aventurine I need him to break please he needs it, it would be so good for him. It doesn’t even have to be from Aventurine, just Ratio snapping and revealing the fucking mess he is under his facade and not being rejected by the people he cares about for it is enough.

I honestly doubt it will happen in the story though, as much as I want it to. Although Aventurine’s character demo somewhat changed my mind against this, I feel like hoyo is like “ok they get the vibe between these two we can move on” and the shippers are left to extrapolate how this relationship would go beyond what it is now. As much as I want a breakdown scene for Ratio in general, it probably wouldn’t happen in a while but devs if you are reading this PLEASEEEE.

The only time Ratio ever gets slightly out of his element is with Aventurine but I need it to go further because god it would be interesting.

Well I’ve deemed that enough yapping about why I love Aventio (for now 😈) so let’s talk about why people hate the ship and why most of the reasons behind it a fucking stupid. (Massive disclaimer of course you can dislike it it’s just a lot of the “oh it’s a horrible ship and anyone who likes it sucks” shit isn’t grounded in reality in the slightest and I’m tired of the slander)

“Ratio was racist to Aventurine”

Now this is a spicy one because if this post was made in 2.0 I would 100% agree with you (during that time I shipped a non canon version of them in which that did not happen because how dare u do my boy like that hoyo). However 2.1 changed a lot and I mean a lot, and basically reframed the 2.0 quests for everyone.

Essentially, Ratio and Aventurine were both acting in that argument scene, making the things Ratio said to Aventurine not how he really sees him, and actively something Aventurine wanted him to say, so you cannot blame him for what he said. I’m not even joking or exaggerating, retrospectively it quite literally does not make sense if you view it in any other way, and honestly even with just the knowledge of 2.0 the scene doesn’t make sense if played straight, so let’s get to why.

a) Ratio and Racism do not mix fundamentally. Ratio is a person who believes that everyone deserves and education regardless of background, that it is a scholars duty to help others achieve that, and no matter who you are, you are capable of intelligence, learning and becoming the best version of yourself, and that those qualities are just limited to geniuses.

THIS AND RACISM DO NOT MIX. “Oh yeah education and improvement is possible for everyone except this specific group of people for some fucking reason!!” Like not only would this scene being serious contradict Ratios entire character, the man who believes people should not be judged for their educational background judging Aventurine for his educational background (that’s actually what the Sigonian upbringing line meant, it was mistranslated in the EN version)??!?!! Make it make sense.

Moreover, half this perception also come from the fact that hoyo made the incredible writing decision of naming Aventurines planet after a slur for Romani people, so unfortunately literally anytime its name, Sigonia, is brought up you’re essentially saying a slur. It’s much worse in the CN version, in EN it’s not obvious at all, because our version of the slur (it starts with a g and ends with a y that’s all the hints you’re getting), doesn’t look like the version of the slur that the name for Sigonia was derived from, which is partly the source of this misconception as I’m pretty certain most people assumed Ratio (and by extension Sparkle) said a slur elsewhere in the conversation when in reality them referring to Avens ethnicity/background/planet IS the slur.

Anyways terrible writing decisions aside, Ratio supposedly being racist doesn’t just contradict his core motivation, it contradicts his job. He’s a scholar, for fucks sake, and racism is inherently illogical. Mmm yes I’m gonna base my identity around finding truth for myself and I will believe government and social propaganda about specific groups of people! Very logical, very scholarly, we all clapped.

So yeah, doesn’t make sense on a character level, to the point that in 2.0 I concluded that they must be using Ratio as a plot device in that scene to deliver some of Aven’s backstory to the audience due to how OOC it was for him 😭. However I wasn’t necessarily wrong, Ratio was delivering some of Aventurines backstory to AN audience (not just us), and he was behaving OOC in the 2.0 scene, but it was on purpose.

b) The betrayal plan

Aventurine forms a plan in which him and Ratio pretend to betray one another in order to sneak the Aventurine cornerstone into the dreamscape by replacing it with the Topaz stone (red herring + black hole scene dialogue implies she and Jade are there for other reasons) and the Jade stone (perfect dupe).

Now this betrayal hinges on Sunday, their main antagonist buying it, actually believing that Ratio would betray Aventurine on a mission as important as Penacony, and it requires Sunday also buying that he is winning the whole time, that the loss of the cornerstones was somehow a fumble on Aventurine’s end rather than something he planned all along.

So, they stage the 2.0 conversation. Ratio yells at Aventurine for losing the cornerstones, something which was part of their plan the whole time. He then insults Aventurine’s background allowing Aventurine to reveal key details of his past that Sunday would not have learned otherwise, which he uses in the trial against Aventurine. Seriously, Aventurine only found out he was the last Avgin when he became a Stoneheart, do y’all think Sunday summoned that info with his mind or something during the trial (like do you guys genuinely think Sunday read his wiki or something)

Moreover, Ratio not only insults him, but portrays Aventurine as useless, disposable to the IPC because he is apparently already sentenced to death. Why does he do this? Well, so Sunday feels confident enough to do the same to Aventurine. Seriously, sentencing an IPC member, especially a high ranking one to death is a risky move, even for someone as convicted as Sunday, he would need the confidence to do so and learning Aven might already die would give him that ability.

Because well, it doesn’t matter that much if he’s already going to get disposed of in the near future. I also think the IPC plans to use Aventurine’s “death” as leverage against the family because they were pleased to hear of his death sentence according to Dr. Ratio, meaning a) he likely did not have one from them at the time, although in the past he was sentenced to death and b) even if Aventurine succeeded in getting the cornerstone his seeming loss in the rest of the conversation wasn’t actually a loss at all, getting sentenced to death/“dying” at the very least was part of the plan all along as the IPC could still use it as leverage if things went south.

Continually, Ratio treating Aventurine in the exact same sh1tty way the rest of the galaxy does perfectly slots him into the arrogant, uncaring scholar role, which Sunday knows are some of the most easily manipulated people in the galaxy, considering he tries to bribe Ratio with knowledge about Stellarons it seems he bought this idea hook line and sinker. Sunday isn’t even subtle about it either “I heard you and your companion haven’t been getting along lately” where did he hear that from? Ratio didn’t tell him, and even though we know Sunday was 100% watching the two of them on their little adventure pre-meeting him (the bird and hound statues) that scene hasn’t happened yet so where did he get that from?

Some other interesting proof for it is that the Final Victor lightcone likely depicts Aventurine trying to convince Ratio of this plan of his, the events of which must occur pre-Penacony for several reasons, the least of which being that we just never see it happen on Penacony which if you think it did we would see it. Moreover lightcones are canonically condensed memories and the Final Victor lightcone released in 2.0, meaning it’s the memory of something that happened before then.

All signs point to the 2.0 scene, the one people use to paint Aventio as toxic being staged. And I have so much more evidence for this, (Ratio would never agree to go without a plan, Aven clearly formed his pre-Penaocny, so much of the plan like Ratio opening the cornerstone box, which he can’t do up until the betrayal as it’s in Sundays possession, rely on him arriving knowing how to do so, the time discrepancies, the complete 180 in personality Ratio would have to do to go from distrusting Aventurine to putting his whole faith in him, etc), but I will reupload one of my old slideshows to elaborate more on it. Basically the one thing that people use to say it’s toxic is not true and is in fact a greater show of the trust between those two.

“The shippers are all weird and racist”

Now this one actually has some truth to it because yes there are some incredibly fucking weird Aventio shippers and I do not blame yall for disliking them.

HOWEVER, most Aventio shippers are normal and hate that shit just as much as you guys do. Like do you realize most shippers also really like these characters and have something insane called morals so they don’t automatically excuse racist fujoshi goobers just because they are making content for their favorite ship. Trust me someone doing that pisses me (and most other Aventio shippers) off significantly more than people who hate the ship. Also free Ratio from this shit man poor guy is getting mischaracterized as a slaveowner by his fans and haters 😭

And like guys, have you ever been in a fandom before, like ever? Weirdos are always gonna be weird and it’s not Aventio’s fault they are this months victims. For a fun little example of how gross other fanbases can be, one of the most popular Overwatch ships on ao3 is Genji Shimada X Hanzo Shimada WHO ARE BLOOD RELATED BROTHERS. THERES LIKE 300+ FICS OF IT, SHIMADACEST IS LITERALLY A TAG ON THERE. I WAS IN THE TRENCHES SEARCHING FOR GENJI HANZO ANGST FICS (Hanzo killed Genji it’s complicated doomed siblings will always get me) AND HAVING TO COMB THROUGH THOSE ABOMINATIONS IN THE PROCESS.

Like please I’m relatively new to fandom culture but yall cannot be acting like this is weird for fans to do, it’s weirdo behavior but it is not unique to the HSR fandom or even Aventio. And even if understandably this makes you not like the ship, don’t paint the people who enjoy it as being the people who do this kinda sh1t. It’s not our fault peak gets tainted by miserable creatures ok, let normal ppl have their harmless fun and stop lumping people together into a monolith.

?????

Well that’s it that’s all the “valid” reasons people have for hating Aventio, at least the ones I can remember. Everything else is just personal opinion and not at all an objective reason.

“They’re so sibling coded!”

Anyways again obviously you can still dislike it not everything is for everyone, I really just wanted to make this post to demonstrate why I and many others like it, and why the reasons people use to say it’s problematic are incorrect. Feel free to call it mid, block it whatever I don’t care, just don’t harass shippers for having some harmless fun, because the characters aren’t real but the people who like them are and in doing so you are really just being a jerk for no reason. If you somehow hate Aventio and read this the whole way through I congratulate you on your ability to actually listen to other people, and regardless of whether you changed your mind or not I respect you for doing so anyways. Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your thoughts.

#Hsr #honkai star rail #dr ratio #aventurine #aventio #raturine #ratiorine #golden ratio #tags for reach bc I need ppl to read this sorry #Also apologies to the Genji/Hanzo shippers for catching strays yall tend to mind your business and tag ur shit #So I can’t blame you that much for it even if I find it gross bc if I don’t wanna see it it’s very easy to not see it #I just wanted to give an example of how the hsr fandom is not unique in its weirdness #Ppl are horrible at tagging shit in this fandom #The next time I read an Aventio fic w surprise dubcon I’m gonna die #Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading bc this was sm fun to write #Aventio is peak we all cheered #aventurine hsr #dr ratio hsr

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schizopositivity · 6 months

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could you share any more under-talked about symptoms of schizophrenia, like executive dysfunction?

I've actually been meaning to make a post like this but keep forgetting (lol that's a symptom). As a disclaimer, not everyone with schizophrenia has every one of these symptoms, and people can have a lot of these symptoms and not have schizophrenia (if they don't have the psychotic symptoms). Not all of these symptoms are seen as diagnostic criteria, some have just been observed to be very common in people with schizophrenia. (I'm excluding hallucinations and delusions because they are more well known)

• Paranoia: a pattern of behavior where a person feels distrustful and suspicious of other people and acts accordingly. This can go hand in hand with hallucinations and delusions.

• Disorganized thoughts: this can mean a lot of things. It can be not having a linear train of thought, having incoherent thoughts, thought blocking, general disorganized thoughts. (It can be hard to define because it is often hard to describe for the person experiencing it).

• Disorganized speech: this is often a result of the disorganized thoughts. This can include loose associations like rapidly shifting between topics with no connections between the topics. Perseveration, which is repeating the same things over and over again. Made up words that only have meaning to the speaker. Use of rhyming words without meaning. Word salad, which is when cognitive disorganization is severe, it can be nearly impossible to understand what the person is saying, but the person speaking doesn't know they aren't making sense.

• Trouble concentrating: lack of concentration, switching from topic to topic, not being able to focus on one thing. (This is pretty self explanatory).

• Movement disorders: catatonia can be repetitive non goal directed movements. It can also be complete or partial immobility, mutism, vacant staring, and rigidity. Although not a symptom, tardive dyskinesia can occur in schizophrenia as a result of antipsychotics medication.

• Anhedonia: a loss of pleasure in activities that the person once enjoyed. Or the inability to feel pleasure at all.

• Atypical or non-existent emotional expression: Flat or blunted affect is an inability to show emotions characterized by a lack of facial expression, a monotone voice, and no hand gestures. On the other hand people can also have inappropriate affect, where the emotional expression doesn't align with typical reactions or even the person's own feelings.

• Alogia: when someone speaks less, says fewer words or only speaks in response to others. This can be a result of disorganized thoughts.

• Social withdrawal: avoiding people and activities that someone once enjoyed. Not actively being present during social situations. Can progress to total isolation.

• Avolition: a severe lack of initiative to accomplish purposeful tasks. This is a big reason some people with schizophrenia can't work/go to school, can't do chores, and can't keep up with their basic hygiene. Even if the person wants to do these tasks, it may be extremely difficult or impossible for them to get themselves to start or complete the task due to the lack of motivation.

• Executive dysfunction: a behavioral symptom that disrupts a person's ability to manage their own thoughts, emotions and actions. This can include focussing too much on one thing, being easily distracted, spacing out, struggling to switch between tasks, problems with impulse control and trouble starting difficult or boring tasks. Several schizophrenia symptoms fit into the umbrella of executive dysfunction, so when researching you will either see the specific ones listed out, or just simply described as executive dysfunction.

• Alexithymia: significant challenges in recognizing, expressing, and describing one's own emotions.

• Poor memory: this can include working memory deficits like trouble planning, organizing, and carrying out daily chores such as running errands, because it requires mentally formulating a “to do” list organized by time and location. Many people with schizophrenia also report trouble with their episodic memory, which means they have trouble recollecting things in the context of their place and time. (A lot of sources say "trouble with memory" is a symptom but they don't specify).

• Trouble with decision making: people with schizophrenia have been shown to have trouble with decision making due to a decline in the understanding and reasoning aspects of it.

• Sensory processing deficits: this has been widely reported in schizophrenia, and include impairments in visual processing, auditory processing, olfactory and sensorimotor systems. This can lead to having strong positive or negative reactions to sensory information.

• Sleep troubles: though disturbed sleep isn't included in the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia, it is still a significant problem that up to 80% of people with the condition experience. People with schizophrenia may have various sleep problems, including insomnia, excessive daytime sleepiness, and trouble with consistent sleep routines.

• Anosognosia: also called "lack of insight," is a symptom that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive their illness. This is a big reason people with schizophrenia may refuse to get, or stay with treatment.

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strawb3rry-acid · 2 months

Text

Being König's S/O

Just my own personal takes here ♡

❁

◐ König definitely has a tough shell to crack. He's most likely a fairly isolated man, and has some pretty damn high walls due to his past with being bullied as a child. A relationship with him would require some form of deep rooted friendship at first, and a lot of patience. I wouldn't say he's rude too people not close to him, I think he's pretty cordial and fair, but he can unintentionally come off as standoffish due to his quietness, intimidating appearance, etc.

◐ It'd probably take him quite awhile too confess, and you might have too take the reins with that one. He wants to make sure he's absolutely certain of his feeling's beforehand. He's also terrified of you rejecting him, and possibly laughing at him though he logically knows that wouldn't happen. If he were to confess, it'd either be a thoroughly planned confession he's worked on for quite some time with carefully planned word's, or a mutter underneath his breath when he thought you were out of earshot.

◐ Even if you've dropped several hints before getting in a relationship with him, he'd be shocked if you confess. Probably gets fairly embarrassed, and locks up for a second. Of course he's not embarrassed because of you, he's just easily embarrassed in general. You'd get a hushed confession in return once it sinks in after a few moments of very awkward silence.

◐ Lot's of longing, affectionate stares. He most likely doesn't even realize he's doing it most of the time, and will beat himself up internally for coming off as a creep unless you've already been in a relationship for awhile. He just can't seem to take his eye's off of you, as you're the most precious thing in the world to him.

◐ He's a very attentive, good listener, and remember's even the most minor of details about you as well as the thing's you ramble about. Even the thing's that seem meaningless too you, mean the most to him.

◐ Likely struggles with communication, and properly expressing his feeling's because he feels embarrassed about them at times, specifically his social anxiety (which is a key factor in his difficulties communicating.) I think he's more likely to isolate himself for a bit (not for an absurd amount of time) to clear his head, then pretend everything is fine. He will talk about it if pushed in the right direction though, it just may take some time.

◐ He strikes me as someone who struggles to admit that they're wrong. He tends to be (lovingly) a stubborn ass at times.

◐ Some thing's are limited, or completely off limits due to his social anxiety. Give him a push, but not a shove that heavily crosses out of his comfort zone. Definitely prefers dates where it's just the two of you in your home, instead of venturing out. He'll do it if you truly want too, he'll make accommodations to your needs too of course, but it's not something he'd like to do often.

◐ Speaking of his social anxiety, there's time's where it'll get bad enough too the point where he'll need quite a bit of alone time to calm down, and will not be social with anyone as it'll only make it worse. This unfortunately includes you as well. I don't think his social anxiety would go away around the people he's close to, especially since it's mentioned as being severe(I speak as someone with severe social anxiety.) It won't chain him down like it does around stranger's, but it's still there, and will act up at times. Don't worry though, he'll come back after he's had time to calm down. He'll always come back to you after all.

◐ Not a big fan of PDA. Once again, nothing against you, it's just that he doesn't like to draw attention too himself. Simple displays of affection are fine in public most day's, but it's limited. An exception to this is when you're being harassed, then he doesn't mind PDA in the slightest as his protective instincts kick in. Despite this, he's all over you in private.

◐ You're likely the only other person that helps him cope with his social anxiety, which is something he's deeply grateful for.

◐ Prefers too express thing's through physical affection, act's of service, and quality time. He's never had many people in his life, and deeply cherishes not only you, but the time you two spend together like he'll never get it again.

◐ Congrats, you now have a designated driver, bag holder, lifter, and human ladder! He prefers to do most thing's, and take care of you. He's also a big show off when it comes to his strength, and will absolutely jump at any opportunity too help you when it comes to grabbing thing's high up, and carrying heavy thing's. That top shelf at the grocery store will no longer be a problem, yay! However, it's a bit of a double edged sword because he will purposely put thing's high up so you'll ask him for help.

◐ He's loyal too a fault, and is a very helpful, protective affectionate lover. He may have issue's putting his feeling's in word's most of the time, but you'll damn sure know that he loves you. This man will do absolutely anything for you, and he proves that any chance he gets. He may be distant, and intimidating at first glance, but once you take the time to dig deeper he's a very loving man who absolutely adores you. Once you've got him, you've got him. He's very appreciative that you've put in the time and effort too get to know him, accept him, and see who he is without even the slightest hint of judgement.

#cod mw2 #konig cod #konig mw2 #könig #könig call of duty #könig cod #könig mw2 #cod mwii #mw2 #cod x reader #cod #cod mw3

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furiousgoldfish · 7 months

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I've been trying to find a common thread on 'victims of abuse easily being victimized again', because it is a trend, and it happens so often. A person who is abused as a child, or just abused long-term, will commonly find themselves in another abusive situation, in an abusive friendship or a relationship or marriage, or it can be workplace abuse, a cult, exploitation, power imbalance, trafficking.

The main view of this was that the victims of abuse are so well adjusted to abusive and exploitative environment, that they feel more at home in an abusive situation, than a normal, healthy one, and that they will unknowingly choose an abusive partner, spouse, boss or friend, because it feels normal, they know what to do, and how to behave in it. While there is a certain pattern of abuse victims sometimes getting attached to new toxic people, I don't consider it to be true, and for one reason: as soon as the victims realize their new situation is toxic, they cut it off. I have been introduced to hundreds, if not thousand new abusive situations, attempted grooming into cults, exploitative workplaces, toxic friendships, I've all but been swarmed by it, and I've opted out of every single one, as soon as I've realized what I'm dealing with.

I don't think a regular person will even find themselves running into this many entrances to abuse, and abuse victims often do. Do abusers know exactly who to target? Can they see the signs of abuse on us, that paint a bright red dots on our faces? I don't think they do.

I think the explanation runs deeper than that; it's the lack of protection. A person who's been abused for a long time, clearly lacks community that would protect them from the abuse. If they've been abused by their parents, they weren't able to find any protection outside that, and they've got no family who would protect them and back them up in times of vulnerability. If they've been in a long-term abusive relationship or workplace, again, it means their social circles, family, friends, colleges, all failed to protect them. Abuse is a clear sign of 'if something bad happens to this particular person, nobody will do anything about it'. And that is what the abusers are looking for. Not emotional naivety, not someone who is in clear distress and trauma, but someone who is socially isolated, unprotected, without family, close friends, any kind of protective borders or authority that would react to this person getting abused.

I've seen people with far more naivety and kindness than I have, and talked people down who were far more eager to assume good intentions for abusers. And those were never even exposed to this manner of abuse, because they had good families, strong friendship groups and people who would act immediately if something bad were to happen to this individual. They're allowed to keep their kind assumptions, willingness to help and naive nature, because they're well protected within the society; they're simply not what the abusers are aiming for.

Being unprotected is hardly something we can cause, control, or affect or on own. Building community when you have no family, close friends or a social circle, is extremely hard, especially after surviving the abuse. We instinctively know it's what would protect us, that's why we all strive for it so badly, we know we'd be safe if people around us cared passionately, and would stand up to protect us. But it doesn't happen, and right now, more and more people are vulnerable in the lieu of bad financial stability, lack of social connections, social isolation, longing for contact, feeling unworthy, rejected, abandoned. And just looking for a sustainable job, comfort, friendship, social connection or even contact and spiritual fulfillment, can land people in more abuse.

Usually those who do escape abuse do so on their own, and at that point, our own efforts are all that is protecting us from the further abuse. We have to stand strong and defend ourselves, constantly. it's exhausting, and it's not our fault if our lack of social protection paints a target on our back. Sometimes it can feel like it's hopeless, getting free from abuse only to go back to the world where we're alone, rejected, without contact and left all to ourselves again, it feels like one type of devastation is replaced with the other. But not suffering abuse is always better than anything else. Freedom of mind, heart and soul, is always better than suffering abuse.

#abuse #cptsd #repeated victimization #escaping abuse #falling victim to abuse repeatedly #long term abuse #lack of protection #lack of social connections

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lesbian-kyoru · 8 months

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something i love so dearly about yuzumako is how the lesbian coding of their relationship is so healing, rather than self-destructive?? by that i mean, so much queer coding is filtered through the lens of, here is this character whose queer identity is so fraught that it often leads them to lashing out and misery, & you always think how much happier they'd be if they could make peace with themselves..... but with yuzuki and makoto, the safety and peace they feel around each other always serves as the anecdote to their struggles, ESPECIALLY with boys.

in ch 20 yuzuki is disappointed with boys endlessly complimenting her painting w/o looking at it—seeing her as a romantic conquest rather than caring abt her as a person. the same chapter, it's makoto who actually cares about her painting & yuzuki's artistry EXACTLY how she hoped. the loneliness & resentment yuzu experiences is directly tied to heteronormativity, with boys assuming that they can disrespect her boundaries since she's a pretty girl to be "won over"—only for makoto's actions to parallel the same set up BUT she always demonstrates a truer understanding of yuzu as a person & friend throughout the process, and every time it brings yuzu such a sense of safety & comfort that she NEVERRRRR feels around boys pursuing her!!

there's such an intense lesbian coding to yuzu's avoidance of male romantic advances as opposed to how she leans into not only female friendship but specifically to makoto's own feelings for her shining through—and again, i love this because it's so positive & warm. rather than queerness being a source of anguish, makoto brings yuzu more joy than heteronormativity ever does.

next, after mako's date that she calls a battle, it's yuzu who says she looks cute & cheers her up! mako ALSO decides she doesn't care about being boyfriendless bc yuzu makes her so happy which is sooooo baby lesbian like are you serious! the same as the scene with yuzu's artwork, makoto's date with a boy that only brought her discomfort & feelings of unworthiness is followed by joy & affirmation found in yuzu's company—again, queerness & female connection shown as the anecdote to comphet/mako forcing herself to present hyperfeminine to fit what's expected.

also of note is makoto's recurring jealousy of yuzu's beauty—even though this is a negative emotion, i love how it's ultimately overpowered by her affection for yuzu. also the lesbian pipeline from i want to be her -> i want to kiss her is alive & well for makoto. so so obviously.

then finally, probably the crowning example of my point is yuzu's arc of being set up on a date w her new classmate against her will! as an aside these chapters depict such a common lesbian experience, where to avoid being socially isolated, we give into comphet & just go along with boys' feelings for us, thinking it's best if we don't cause issues & eventually we can get ourselves to reciprocate, giving them what they want at the expense of our repressed identities—yuzu is taught that her feelings don't matter; her beauty was made for male consumption.

now in high school, yuzu decides to speak up for herself & reject the role she's been placed into, again as a beautiful prize to be won—it's common for closeted lesbians to think they can convince themselves to like men back, but yuzu won't go along with this forced set up again. after she rejects this boy, her classmates make yuzu feel like SHE'S the one who has done something wrong & don't take her discomfort into account—it's hard for them to understand why, as a pretty girl, she isn't willing to just go along with men's attraction. ENTER MAKOTO!!!

sorry makoto is frankly so smooth for this. when yuzu leaves school early & makoto hears about her date, she brings yuzu pudding & tells her that she wants yuzu to be honest with her about when she's feeling down, even though their experiences are different. when reading both characters through a queer lens, it's very interesting to see how they've had different experiences w heteronormativity & gender up to now—yuzu is constantly fighting comphet demons whereas makoto feels less than for not being as feminine or gorgeous as yuzu.

but even though their experiences with lesbianism & girlhood have been different, makoto wants to hear how yuzu truly feels and comfort her. once again, after seeing the horrible pressures & pains yuzu has experienced through heteronormative dating & misogyny, it is her incredibly queer-coded friendship with makoto that makes her feel safe enough to cry openly in front of her!!!!! yuzu's peers, but particularly boys, show a disregard for her emotions, and then we see makoto fill that role of support & care so easily. like the dream boyfriend she is :)

there's a lot more i could say about yuzumako & their individual arcs, but to tie everything up, it is so common in lesbian (or queer coded) media for a character's lesbianism to be something that brings them nothing but pain and suffering, either in its repression or awareness—so i absolutely love how skip & loafer showcases (through yuzumako but also the ENTIRE cast) that embracing your queer identity can be so healing & positive. the story doesn't shy away from presenting a lot of the pain that closeted lesbians go through, like struggles with their gender & how socially ingrained heteronormativity is—but these struggles are always followed up by such intentional examples of yuzumako's connection (+ lesbian yearning) being so comfortable & happy to them! i love angst too but seeing them, time and time again, know exactly what the other needs & be able to be that for each other is soooooo rewarding!!!

happiness in queer media does not need to erase the struggles of our lives, but rather showing authentic queerness not as the problem but as the SOLUTION is unbelievably impactful. long live yuzumako

#skip and loafer #sukirofa #yuzumako #yuzuki murashige #makoto kurume #skip and loafer meta #my meta #from now on my excuse of why i can spend hours writing meta about gay people is because its just brainstorming for my senior capstone LMAO #zoe.txt

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cafeleningrad · 5 months

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Ohtori is such a disorienting place. It's so emblematic that none of the actual needs of the people in it are met. In fact it gives answers but none actually are satisfying for anyone yet the answers are presented as only alternative. ("You have to revolutionize the world (by participating in the duels that ensure the world continues to run on the same old dynamic.)"

What system Ohtori, Akio by proxy, proposes is the idea of power over another. It's very gendered power as we learn later. Women's power exists either as extension's of a man (Nanami's high social status by virtue of being Touga's little sister), be inspired to have power by extension of a man (Wakaba), surrendering to a man (Kozue), or can be easily taken away power if a man decides that the woman had enough power (Juri,Utena). In the instance a woman has power it's also used to dominate others just like men do. (Nanami being cruel to others, to Tsuwabuki in particular, Utena treating Anthy her a puzzle piece to her princely identity.) In the end there is an idea how someone who should hold all the power should be like (the Prince), and they're given free reign. However that's not what the characters need.

Touga is entirely helpless to his paternal CSA. Akio's proposition is to become, for once, the one in charge of others so none can exploit him again. And Touga fails to see how Akio still exploits him by directing Touga, with quiet implicit imagery stressing that dynamic. What Touga would have needed was protection and a trusting family.

Nanami grew up so isolated and shamed for diverging from the norm, she is entirely dependent on external subjects and objects to define her. Either it's being defined by her relationship to Touga which is the entire basis of her social status, and her only hope for affection. Nanami can only define herself by traditional feminine and classicist means like her perceived ideal femininity, and brand-name jewelry which can easily turn on her, if external voices tell her that she should wear something. Nanami is so desperate for affection, being cared and loved for but the only language she is given is Ohtori's language of "men and women are only corresponding romantically". She can't express her need for familial proximity to Touga. The only other form of gaining adoration she knows is by violence, be it Touga's kitten, Tsuwabuki, or beating her three nameless underlings into submission.

It's not until the third arc that we learn about the Kaoru twins are in the middle of their parents separating. Their childhood is getting disrupted. Both of them are longing for time of connection and chance to hold onto each other. But Ohtori tells them that Miki can only adore Kozue as innocent and helpless. Kozue, like Nanami, gets told that her only chance to express affection to her male twin is by a sexualized, romanticized interaction. For two characters who're living through turbulent times, and need some stability in the other, twisting their chance of proximity is exactly the wrong answer.

Saionji really wants to remain friends with Touga he admires so much. (If not being in love with him.) Even more than Juri, he knows that the duel platform is just a set up, he swallows Touga's poison of "true friendship doesn't exist" again and again. The only chance of proximity to Touga is to disrespect others, demonstrate superiority over them, especially Anthy, as best proxy to a close male-male-dynamic. Saionji's only given path is to delude himself further and further.

Juri pushes so many people away because she's afraid her homosexuality will be revealed. Ohtori as a place does punish homosexuality severely, see Mikage's twisted memory, Ruka trying to converse Juri. This place convinces Juri over and over again that she's wrong for loving Shiori. But the truth is, Shiori is so much in love with Juri that she will resort to abuse her emotional power as long as it serves the purpose of Juri remaining close to her. What they would have needed is the chance to know that actually they're safe to be honest, at least to each other.

Utena is deeply grief-stricken by her parent's death. As a child the idea that everything will fade is terrifying. The only alternative she is shown is that Anthy's suffering is eternal. She wants to help. But the only path for being admired and adored is becoming a prince. The only agency to help and save others is by exercising the prince's power over someone. Akio becomes even crueler by trying to convince Utena that a girl's actual aspiration is romance (with a man). What else should she want? It also distract her from her genuine compassion for Anthy, and wishing for Anthy's happiness.

#Revolutionary Girl Utena #Idk I have a cold therefore to much time in the RGU tag

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proton-selfships · 2 months

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So I just read this great post by @kittyandco and it struck a really, really deep chord with me as someone who was also in the selfship community in ye olden days (as in, pre-pandemic olden days).

Now, don't get me wrong, those days weren't perfect either. I still experienced hostility for little reason, and it still hurts me to think about and affects my ability to trust people to this day. And I sure as hell wasn't the only one, or the one who had it the worst. But that lack of good faith that used to be the exception really does feel like the norm now, and it makes interacting way more stressful than it ever was back then. You're expected to read novella-length DNIs and can't interact with or follow anyone without fearing that you missed one of your fandoms on their DNI list and will get shit for it.

(And those pages are often confusing to navigate and use hard-to-read colors, to boot. Seriously, the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines should be mandatory reading for anyone making a Carrd or Rentry account)

And that's not even to mention the fear of what you say to someone in a private conversation getting twisted and shared and vagueposted about without your permission. That's something I've witnessed happen to multiple friends of mine. Again, isolated incidents back then, way more common than it should be now.

Meanwhile, *old woman voice* back in my day... What I always think back to was the really popular ask game that would go around, where you could ask whoever reblogged it to come up with headcanons for your F/Os. And people were sending each other asks left and right! People were excited to look up F/Os they'd never heard of to come up with a little pick-me-up for the person in their ask box! And I remember them being a blast to read and write!

Nowadays? If your F/Os are from sources that's not in the media zeitgeist or another limited set of perennial sources people will generally know enough to engage with... Good luck getting anyone to talk to you. (And that definitely goes double for anyone who ships with characters who aren't white men or isn't white themselves, that's a whole other issue that I've definitely experienced as a lesbian.)

I think it's both the growing atmosphere of hostility and social media in general's growing focus on "making content" and "branding" that keeps people from reaching out to each other unless they ship the same kinds of things they do. It's not really a community anymore. And that sucks, because that's a problem that's infected selfship spaces from the social media landscape as a whole

But I think we could still make the choice to see each other as people. Because, at the end of the day, selfshippers don't really have anywhere else to go. We're all just a bunch of people who carry love for characters in our hearts. Shouldn't we be willing to extend that love to each other, too?

(Obviously, this comes with caveats. I don't know if this is just me and my friends, but it also feels like we're all just too tired nowadays to reach out or meaningfully engage with other shippers' work. I'm definitely guilty of going MIA for long periods for that reason, so I'm not going to act like the lack of interaction with my blog specifically isn't my fault there. But in my experience I've seen a lot of that exhaustion come from this, from the walking on eggshells and the lack of reciprocity of the energy you put in, so it all still applies)

#these aren't my comprehensive thoughts and are pretty stream-of-consciousness #but I've been sitting on these thoughts for too long and just needed to get it all out of my system #selfship #selfshipping #selfship community #peyton says stuff #about selfship #public service announcement

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hush-writes-preg · 25 days

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When the war started, the King put a great effort into expanding the kingdom’s military. You were completely disinterested, until you heard he was seeking more knights for his castle. The promise of a life of leisure would be alluring to anybody, and you knew the chances of any enemy reaching the castle was quite low. It seemed like a great option for you- you were a skilled fighter already, and you weren’t close with anybody in the kingdom, not even your family.

It didn’t take long for you to adapt to life in the barracks. You lived comfortably, as you hoped. The other knights were kind to you, and when you crossed paths with the King’s servants, they were as well. There were few rules that actually mattered to you, with many of them just being common sense. The only real downside was the boredom.

You weren’t alone in feeling that way. You could hear the servants and your comrades together almost every night, and it was a miracle to you that no one ever broke the King’s most emphasized rule: no children. Because of that rule, no one dared to talk about their nighttime adventures, just in case word got around to the King.

Knowing you’d likely be safe even if one of your friends caught you, you felt a little bit less nervous about courting with a specific older knight who’d caught your eye since day one. She was certainly beautiful, and skilled, but most importantly to you, she was trans too. From the beginning, she could understand you better than anyone else in the castle. You talked about your family situation, and hers was similar. You vented about the social isolation, and she knew just how lonely you felt. She knew you were scared of some people knowing, and she was scared too.

You didn’t have to ask if she’d ever played with anyone else. From the way she acted when you admired her body, you could tell that she’d never been treated with such affection. You wanted nothing more than to explore every inch of her gorgeous body, late at night, somewhere private where you wouldn’t be found. And she let you.

Again. And again, and again. It was a wonderful way to escape your boredom, and neither of you could get enough of eachother. Even though you technically weren’t breaking any rules, so long as you never got pregnant, you appreciated that none of the other knights or servants ever said a word about it. Months passed, and the King never heard a thing.

You talked to her a few times when you were alone, about what each of you wanted after the war. You dreamed of a comfortable house, with a garden. She dreamed of a family. Both of you thought that maybe, just maybe, you could help eachother live those dreams, as partners.

Still, that would be after the war, which didn’t show signs of stopping anytime soon. It had reached the point where every month or so, the King would deploy his castle’s knights to help defend neighboring kingdoms’ royals, but almost everyone came back safely. Almost. A few times, your comrades returned with wounds, and though it was never deadly, it reminded you that your job was dangerous.

Whenever your partner was chosen to leave, you’d spend the night beforehand in bed together for as long as you could both stay awake. You never knew how long it would be before you’d get to see eachother again, so you wanted to make the most of your time together. You were still careful not to break the rule, but you could tell that it was getting hard for both of you to keep control, especially her.

You shouldn’t have let her drink the night before she was last deployed. You knew deep down it was a bad idea to let her in you while she was intoxicated, but you could never resist her. Unfortunately, you were too busy whining and moaning underneath her to remind her to pull out. The next morning she was extremely apologetic, but it was too late to do anything but hope for the best.

You were quite lucky that many months later, your belly was still hardly noticeable, especially under your armor.

You were quite unlucky that many months later, your partner had not returned. She was among a handful of knights who’d gone missing during an attack in another kingdom. You knew you likely wouldn’t see her again, but you couldn’t handle that thought when you had her baby in your womb.

All you wanted at that point was to find a home with her and raise your kid together. Without her around, you weren’t sure what to do about the baby. You couldn’t leave the castle to take care of it, or you may never see her again. You couldn’t raise it in the castle, or the King would have your head.

Feeling as though you had no other choice, you planned to stay in the castle for as long as possible to wait for her, and then… figure something out when you couldn’t anymore.

So you waited, expecting your belly to be noticeable before long, but if any of your comrades noticed the swelling, if any of them noticed your symptoms, they kept your secret. You were surprised but relieved by how little you grew over time. At night when you were alone, you’d rub your rounded stomach and whisper praise to your baby. The longer it took to be noticeable, the longer you could stay and wait.

When you realized it had been nine months since anyone had seen your partner, you felt a sense of dread. Your baby would be coming soon, and you still didn’t want to leave this life behind. There was still hope, however. Just a few weeks later, a group of your comrades was scheduled to return from that same kingdom. If your partner was ever going to come home, she’d be coming home with them. You figured you could wait just a few more weeks.

But your baby couldn’t. Of all the days to go into labor, it had to be that day. You could only act normal for so long before you’d have to find somewhere to hide from everyone else. If the King found you, you’d be dead.

I am finally releasing this beauty into the Tumblr-sphere, because damn. This is gorgeous. I feel so honored to have been the recipient. I know that I selfishly hoarded it for a long time, but such things deserve to see the light of day.

You are welcome in my asks any time, Anon! 💖💖💖

#hush answers #this one's a keeper #hot damn #fantasy pregnancy #historical pregnancy #trans pregnancy #pregnancy kink #ftm pregnancy #mtf pregnancy #nb pregnancy #male pregnancy #mpreg

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autistichalsin · 4 months

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Both Karlach and Halsin are buff capable adults with strong morality, but inside THEY ARE KIDS FULL OF JOY TO BE ALIVE IN THE WORLD FULL OF WONDERS as Oak Father Intended

So strong, so fragile, as life itself LET THEM LOVE LET THEM BE

GOD BUT THIS PART.

They're adults, traumatized, with both having experienced the worst the world can offer, having their freedom and autonomy denied to them, socially isolated. Both have the Outlander background. Both lost their families, both are war veterans.

Yet they both are still so full of love and joy. Halsin is unable to show it the way he wants to when we meet him, while Karlach never wavers from it, yet at the end they're both able to show who they are. How they love LIFE itself more than anything, how they're so full of kindness and compassion and love to protect the weak.

Karlach isn't certain she wants kids at first, but Halsin is- yet when you bring the idea up to her, she warms to it at once. She also teases the idea of getting a "really mean goat." You know who loves all life, all animals? Halsin.

If you bring Karlach to the love dryad and are asked where she'll be in 10 years, you can say "worshipping Selune"; Karlach responds that she's nice, but Karlach is more of a sunshine girl herself.

Sunshine.

What is Halsin's quest about again? Bringing something back to a certain cursed land?

... Right. SUNLIGHT. "If the sun shines on this place once more..."

Sunlight is essential for life. Essential for plants to grow. Halsin wants to infuse life and light back into the Shadow-Cursed Lands, and Karlach alludes to the god of sunlight as being perhaps the only one she'd consider becoming a follower of.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? If Karlach asks Halsin for stories, he mentions how while everyone wants the most exciting chapters, he spends plenty of time hibernating in bear form. Karlach gets excited, saying "sleep AND adventure! Maybe I'll come back as a bear in some future life!"

IF THAT ISN'T SYMBOLISM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!

Both are protective of those who need it most. Both have a great deal of empathy. Karlach is more childish in many ways than Halsin, but this could help him let his playful side out more, while Halsin's maturity could help ground Karlach when she needs it. Karlach is always raring to go for a good fight, never straying from what needs to be done, while Halsin is more pragmatic and able to understand when a fight will accomplish nothing. They offset each other in so many good ways while retaining the same core personality- warm, loving, full of life and care and compassion.

Both are touch-starved; you can see how Halsin reacts to being hugged in the epilogue, stating that he always needs a hug and if he ever refuses one, to assume he's been replaced by a doppelganger, while Karlach went without for TEN YEARS. Both are socially isolated, Halsin having been made a sex slave, lost his family, endured the Shadow Curse, and then forced into a leadership role, while Karlach lost her family too, was dragged into hell to fight for ten years where none of her "comrades" would have been worth talking to, and now faces a terminal illness on top of that.

In all the party banters in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, it's KARLACH who shows the most concern for Halsin's mental state, who is horrified when he talks about what he witnessed and how it still affects him. A soft "poor man" in one, and a "stay strong, bear man, we're still here" in another. Karlach is able to see that just once, Halsin wants to be soothed the way he does for others. And similarly, it's Halsin to tell her he "will not try to soothe her with gilded words" but that he "is still here" for her when Karlach finally realizes the truth of her impending death, because Halsin can see that in that moment, Karlach doesn't want to be told it'll be okay; she wants to be told that she isn't alone, that her presence, for however short a time it'll linger, will be cherished by those close to her. Instinctively, they understand these needs the other has at their worst, darkest moments.

I just love them a lot, okay?

#halsin #halsin silverbough #karlach #karlach cliffgate #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #furioso

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insteading · 3 months

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As someone who’s done bereavement care for almost 20 years, I’ve observed again and again and again that it is not staying with grief that cuts us off from other people, it’s suffocating grief and suppressing grief. It’s impossible to repress grief without also repressing all sorts of other things like joy and memory. Actually, expressing grief naturally connects us empathetically to other people. It is not an accident that right now when there is such a profound suppression of global grief, we’re also finding ourselves in a moment of such isolation.

Rabbi Elliot Kukla, in them magazine

I sought out this piece because Rabbi Kukla was quoted in today's sermon in reference to the ongoing genocide in Gaza ("It is lifesaving to mourn our humanity in inhumane times").

But this paragraph about grief hit me so hard I wanted to single it out to share. It is relevant to corporate grief of the sort we might experience when a state is doing harm in our name (police brutality, displacement, execution). It is also relevant to individual griefs.

In the bereavement calls I do for hospice, I have noticed, this is precisely what gets people stuck in grief: the feeling that there is no safe space and time to express grief. Companies tend to give very little accommodation for bereavement, if they give any at all. Culturally we're expected to get over losses in a matter of days. But grief rewires us, and some losses-- particularly losses like war, displacement, and police brutality where a state or institution does the same kind of harm repeatedly-- are complex and ongoing.

Grief impacts sleeping, eating, executive function. (I don't ask people in bereavement calls, "How are you doing?" I ask, "How are you sleeping?" "How's your appetite?" Maybe "Are there moments from your caregiving, or from your [loved one's] dying, that keep coming up for you?" Because of course you're not fine! You just lost someone essential to you. What I want to know is, is your body getting a chance to repair itself as your mind and heart process what you've experienced?)

People have talked to me after a loss about feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by daily life. It's not unlike recovering from a major injury and having a sizable portion of your bandwidth given over at all times to the tasks of bone, muscle, and nerve repair that are not under your conscious control. When tasks you're used to thinking of as having one part suddenly make it clear how complex they are? Cooking a meal takes more out of you. Doing a load of laundry takes more out of you. If you're already an introvert, the cost of social engagement goes up, at a time when social engagement might actually be very helpful.

Doing some of our grief work with other trusted people shares the load. It recovers some bandwidth. But many folks learn early in the grieving process that they have fewer trusted people than they thought. Or that it feels like the wrong time to deepen an acquaintanceship they'd hoped might become a friendship. Or that they aren't as comfortable asking loved ones for help as they thought they would be.

And the bereavement model I'm trained in assumes that a grieving person has experienced one recent loss. We know that a recent loss might poke us in the tender spots left by earlier losses. But that's still different from the experience of a tragedy that affects a whole community at once (as in an entire region's population losing multiple loved ones in a very short time and being forced to flee).

I don't really have a conclusion here, but I'm finding the activism that feels most healing and hope-filled to me has lament built into it: a chance to name the people who've died in our county's jail, while advocating for better communication with families of people inside. A chance to call out the names of people lost to covid while advocating for policies that will mitigate risk to vulnerable people.

Maybe it takes days to name all the people impacted by ongoing genocides in Congo, Palestine, Yemen, while urging our government to end its role in those genocides. Maybe our systems and structures, which aren't even good at honoring our grief for members of the nuclear family we're taught is our primary world, are disinclined to give us that time. Maybe we ought to take it anyway.

#this is not about my favorite silly little pirate show #except insofar as ofmd touches on grief / and actions to preserve the show acknowledge the grief we feel losing something meaningful #grief is the shape our love takes when we lose someone or something we love #and we should be able to name that person or thing #i'm never going to stop being mad at managers / well-meaning acquaintances who tell my clients 'it's been a while; you should move on'#seriously fuck all the way off with that; whoever hurt you / don't pass that hurt on #a person who is grieving is a person who has the capacity for love and care / and that capacity ought to be nurtured #because it's the basis of mutual aid / support / positive action / and a whole host of other things we need more of #anyway: strive to be a person who is safe to grieve around #and strive to be a person who is not too cool to care about anyone or anything #and if you wind up in any kind of position of influence or authority someday? make your environment more supportive to people in grief #grief care #community trauma

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