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#( i guess if it really IS a problem.. I'll change it?? )
lowkeyremi ยท 3 days
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๐’๐ˆ๐‹๐„๐๐“ ๐“๐‘๐„๐€๐“๐Œ๐„๐๐“ !
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pairing: suna, tsukishima, ushijima, osamu, sakusa, and iwaizumi x fem!reader (separate) note: thank you for the request @nicoleisdumb ! this was so fun to write and a nice refreshing break from jjk :3 miss writing abt these boys. summary: You forgot date night ! Oops... now your man is ignoring you?? How are you gonna fix this? content: slight angst to fluff, established relationships (marriage for a few, hehehehehe I will always find a way to sneak babies in), cursing, kinda suggestive for kiyoomi's part. not proofread!!!! wc: 3.3k
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โฅ ๐‘. ๐’๐”๐๐€
Rintaro is not one to usually get upset when you forget things because you're human just as he is and he forgets things all the time. He forgets his keys at home sometimes, or his wallet, sometimes he forgets his birthday, etc. (never his phone, he always has that thing).
There has never been a day that he's forgotten a date or an anniversary to your surprise. Lately, though, work has consumed both you and your boyfriend. He was handling it better though, because when you'd get home you would immediately collapse onto the bed and fall asleep. Rintaro would make sure to change you into something more comfortable and at least clean your face with a warm, wet cloth and your face wash.
Today was no different from any others. As soon as you remove your shoes and lay in the bed, all of your problems don't matter anymore. It was only around 7 pm then.
The morning had arrived in a blur. Finally, you had a day off. This morning is off though, because you don't wake up with a set of pajamas on or Rin's t-shirt. That was your first clue to something being off.
The second clue was the fact that he is not in bed. Rin doesn't get up out of bed unless he absolutely has to. Usually, he's holding you captive in his arms. Before you investigate, you take the initiative to shower and brush your teeth. When you're in a fresh pair of clothes; a tank top and shorts, you slowly make your way into the living room, sleep still in your body.
A brown tuft of hair sticks out from under your mickey mouse blanket and a body way too big for the couch is curled up on it. Why is he sleeping on the couch?
"Rin, baby, why are you on the couch?" Silence. He's awake, you know it because of the sound from his phone that's muffled by the blanket. Is he ignoring you? There's no way... he must not have heard you.
So you speak up in case he didn't hear you the first time, "Morning, Rin!"
Still nothing. He doesn't even move. What is his problem? Your mood instantly deflates into something sour. There was a hope within you that you would finally get to spend time with him today. Be it cuddles or going out.
Since he's not talking to you, you'll just decide to make breakfast in order to pass the time and fill the silence. While breakfast is being made you try to think of things you could have possibly done to upset him.
Then it suddenly clicks... you wanted to go out with him today. He had planned to take you out yesterday. That had to be it, right?
"Rinnie was yesterday date night? I'm sorry for forgetting. I think you had tickets for something? I feel so fucking bad, baby." Sleep had instantly taken you last night that you forgot to set an alarm or something so you could remember date night.
He still didn't say anything, but he did get up from the couch to get some food. His gold eyes were cold and unforgiving.
"Rintaro. I'm really sorry. I guess my body got used to going to sleep right when I got home. I didn't even check to see if we were doing anything yesterday. I'll make it up to you, we can go out tonight?"
He's not mad at you, not anymore at least. Even though he's not mad at you, he kind of wanted to be. It's hard for him to be upset with you for too long.
"Don't fall asleep this time, sleepyhead." That familiar smile that you know so well appears on his face. It causes you to smile just as wide if not wider.
In seconds your arms are wrapped around him in a loving hug. "I won't fall asleep. Promise."
โฅ ๐Š. ๐“๐’๐”๐Š๐ˆ๐’๐‡๐ˆ๐Œ๐€
Kei is mean and petty about it. Date night is usually something simple like Netflix and some homemade snacks or something of the sorts. Mainly because the two of you like to stay in rather than go out.
He texted you asking where you were, only for you to reply that there was some old close friend of yours visiting town, so you decided to hang out with them.
When you got home late into the night, it was a little too quiet for you. Kei is probably asleep or playing on his play station, you assume. So, without even knowing that your boyfriend is upset, you go through your whole nightly routine.
Upon entering your bedroom you see his body lying in bed, his chest rising and falling every second. "I'm home." Leaves your lips in a whisper. There is no response so you assume he's asleep.
Halfway through the night you can't sleep, at all. It's probably because your boyfriend's comforting hands aren't wrapped around you, like usual.
You softly nudge your boyfriend's side trying to ease him awake, "Kei."
After a few more tries he finally startles awake, "what?"
"I can't sleep." You whine, "I need you to hug me."
"Shoulda' thought 'bout that before you went off with your friend instead of having date night." His tone is sour, from both being woken up and from you forgetting date night.
A small gasp leaves your lips, suddenly the conversation you two had a week prior to last night floods your brain. You weren't working that day and neither was Kei, which meant you guys could have your annual movie marathon.
"I'm sorry baby, I completely forgot..." He doesn't say anything to you and you can't tell what he's thinking because his back is facing you.
With a new spring of motivation you hop out of bed to make some of your favorite movie snacks and grab your laptop, before heading back to your bedroom.
"How about a redo?" Kei turns his body to look at you, he eyes the snacks and your computer. How could he stay mad at you?
"Hurry up before I change my mind." A huge cat-like grin adorns your pretty face.
โฅ ๐–. ๐”๐’๐‡๐ˆ๐‰๐ˆ๐Œ๐€
"Daddy, why red circle?" Your little son Nao asks looking at the calendar on the fridge.
"Mommy and Daddy were supposed to go out tonight, but work called Mommy and asked her to come." Wakatoshi explains to his three year old.
The original plan was for Nao's nanny to come a little early because Wakatoshi finally had time off of work and so did you. When she came to take care of your son you two were going to go to dinner and see this new jazz group.
Wakatoshi had only told his son part of the truth, you did have to suddenly go to work but it wasn't because they called you in, it was because you requested to work late, so you could have more time off in the future.
The only reason he sugar-coded it was, because he would never want to paint you in a bad light.
The both of you have enough to support the household and live a steady life so he has no idea why you decided to go into work tonight. It seems you'd even forgotten that you were supposed to go out on a date with him tonight.
"Mommy not gettin' dinner with you?" He asks for clarity.
"Yeah, that's right." He gives the little guy a pat to the head.
"So it's just you and me. After bath time and dinner we can do something fun like watch a movie."
"We watch Dootopa?" He asks with a beaming smile on his face.
"You wanna watch Zootopia?"
"Yes yes!!!" That is his all time favorite movie. Flash the sloth is his favorite character next to Judy Hopps.
"Okay, well lets hurry up and get bath time and dinner time over with."
When you arrive home, your two favorite boys are fast asleep on the couch. You make the assumption they've been watching movies all night because Toy Story 2 is playing and neither are awake to watch it.
Nao is curled up in his father's lap, while Wakatoshi's hand is supporting him in case he falls.
You pick the sleeping little boy up in order to take him to his bed. Wakatoshi ever the light sleeper awakes when you remove Nao from his lap.
Instead of smiling and kissing you goodnight he turns the TV off and proceeds to walk straight to your shared bedroom without a word.
You quickly place your son down in his bed kissing him goodnight. You know why he's upset with you and there's an eagerness for you to fix it.
"I totally forgot about dinner, honey, I'm sorry." Those words leave your lips as soon as you enter your bedroom.
Your hurry to change into something more comfortable so you can join him in bed.
"Don't be mad 'Toshi." He grunts, his back is turned to you, so who knows what he's thinking.
Luckily for you he tends to not hold grudges.
"I'll get us a reservation at your favorite place," desperation seeps into your voice when he still doesn't answer you, "I really feel dumb for calling into work today, please cut me a break baby-"
"You aren't dumb, by any means, and I'm not mad. I'm confused." That's when you remember that Wakatoshi doesn't usually ignore you when he's upset about something.
The reason he doesn't say anything is usually because he's thinking.
You wait for him to tell you why he's confused and as you do so you sink into bed. At the point he turns over to see your face.
"I'm confused as to why you needed to work late when you already have so many days off."
"Well- I was hoping the three of us could go on vacation this summer, if the team doesn't require you to do your workouts there." His confusion is replaced with awe.
"Just ask them for days off, if they dock your pay it won't matter. We have enough to live comfortably, I promise." It feels good to finally have your man looking into your eyes again. A relieved sigh leaves your lips.
โฅ ๐Ž. ๐Œ๐ˆ๐˜๐€
"Forgettin' something?" Your husband asks right before you walk out the door to go to your best friend's baby shower. He's leaning against the door frame, his huge arms flex when he goes to cross them over his equally large chest.
Is there something you're forgetting? Nothing rings a bell, so you assume he means you're about to forget to kiss him goodbye.
You lean into kiss him and he kisses you back of course, but there's still a pout on his face and he doesn't look satisfied.
"I love you, 'Samu! I gotta get going before I'm late!" So you forgot about it. You forgot that tonight Osamu was supposed to take you to the shop and fix up a nice dinner for you two at your favorite table. He'd serve your favorite wine and you two would talk about the stupidest things into the early hours of the morning. He even closed early for tonight.
I mean, he can't blame you, your best friend of a lifetime is having a baby shower, and of course she wants you there. It would have made him feel a little bit better if you at least remembered it, but you didn't.
Osamu wouldn't be a Miya if he wasn't at least a little bit petty about it. He's decided he'll ignore you until you figure out that you'd forgotten about your date tonight. Maybe if he's not too sour he'll make dinner for you.
The petty man in question has been watching the clock for the past twenty minutes. You were supposed to be home by now, because it's already 8:45 pm. The baby shower started at 6 and ended at 7, so, where are you?
Just as he asks himself that question, the telltale sound of keys on the other end of the door snaps him out of his trance.
"Hey baby, I'm back!" The door swings open and your pretty face greets him.
He doesn't say anything back to you, he just pretends to be busy on his phone.
"Sorry I got back so late, I stayed to help her clean everything up." Your eyes watch your husband carefully, checking for any sign of him being upset, because he doesn't say anything yet again.
"What's wrong, 'Samu?" Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He's definitely mad, now you just need to figure out why.
After a quick change into your slippers and your keys are on the rack you walk up to him, giving him a hug from behind. You rest your chin on his shoulder. He's scrolling through twitter, his personal one not the one for promoting the shop.
"Why are you sulking? You're acting like your brother." Osamu accepts his fate, you know he can't ignore you when you compare him to his brother.
"Do not compare me to that oversized baby." When he hears your beautiful laugh he almost forgets why he was upset, almost.
"Did I not tell ya that ya were forgettin' somethin' before ya left?" The question in his voice makes you think for a second.
"Was it not a kiss?" He shakes his head. Now you're completely lost.
"I was 'posed to take ya down to the shop and we were gonna eat at our table." When he finishes his sentence you gasp in remembrance. Oh shit. You forgot about date night.
"Baby, you can't possibly be telling me I had to choose you or her." He stiffens for a brief moment, then relaxes.
"Nah, I was just hoping ya'd at least remember it." A shudder rolls down his spine when you give him a small kiss on the neck.
"I'm sorry for forgetting, baby. Let's have a do ov-" Osamu doesn't allow you to finish because he scoops you up bridal style and brings you into the kitchen to set you down on the counter.
"Ya better watch me cook or I won't forgive you."
"Aye aye captian!"
"Yer so annoying." He smiles at you.
โฅ ๐Š. ๐’๐€๐Š๐”๐’๐€
"Bye baby! Mama and Dada love you!" Your baby girl waves at you shyly as you and Kiyoomi drop her off with her grandparents.
"I wuv you too! Bye bye Mama, bye bye Dada." Kiyoomi hugs his daughter tightly before setting her down next to her grandma.
"Alright, sweet girl, make sure to be good for nana and poppa okay?" She nods her adorable little head, the tiny ponytails you put in her hair swing rapidly.
As soon as you guys are in the car, a look of excitement flashes in your husband's eyes.
"What?" You can't help smile when he looks at you like that.
"Made us that reservation for brunch like you asked." Your smile immediately drops. You'd forgotten that you and Kiyoomi planned this whole weekend out already. You two had planned this weekend two weeks prior, which is kind of why you forgot and booked a mani-pedi for an hour from now.
"Fuckkkkk." Why do you forget the most important things?
"Kiyo, can we do dinner instead? I forgot about brunch and booked a mani-pedi because today is the only day my nail lady could fit me in."
A tension forms almost immediately when you inform him of your plans. Guilt is heavy on your stomach while listening to your husband cancel brunch over the phone. The rest of the car ride is silent except for the sound that's happening outside of the car.
Your husband is kind enough to drop you off at your nail appointment. You feel so bad as you hop out of the car, so in order to try and smooth things over you offer for him to come inside but he just mumbles a quick, "No thank you, I'll come get you when it's done."
That's how you ended up spilling everything to your nail lady. She shakes her head as she shapes the gel nails into the shape you asked for. "What's his favorite color on you, sweetheart?"
You think for a second before answering, "He loves when I get sage green." The woman gives you a knowing smile and you connect the dots as to what she's referring to.
"You want him to feel better? Take him to dinner and then give him a night to remember with those pretty nails. Works every time with my husband." She says with a mischievous smile.
Your eyes widen for a second, "Oh my- I- we haven't had time to do anything because our little girl requires most of our time, but she's with her grandparents for the weekend."
The nail lady giggles as she goes to find your color. "Honey, if that's not a sign to get laid then I don't know what is!"
When your appointment is over you see the cadillac waiting for you in the parking lot. Kiyoomi doesn't even bother to look up when you enter the car.
"Got your favorite color." You purr with a seductive smile on your face. Kiyoomi doesn't spare you a glance, "Cool."
"Stop being so mean, I'm sorry about brunch. I made a reservation for dinner." That finally baits his attention, he turns to you, a nasty look in his eyes.
"Oh I actually think I'm going to be busy, can't go to dinner." He mocks your voice to make you feel what he had felt earlier. He's being mean, but he doesn't mean it. He still kind of has this habit of getting defensive when he or his pride is hurt.
"Too busy to get a blowjob in the car after dinner?" You know you've got him when he stops breathing for a few seconds. Your husband is only a man, and what kind of man would he be to deny a blowjob from his wife?
"Shit, should have started with that. Let me see your nails." The whole time he inspects your pretty hands there's a smirk on your face.
"I love this color on you baby."
"I know you do Kiyo. Now, let's get home, we have to get ready for dinner tonight."
Having your daughter stay with her grandparents for the weekend was the best decision you guys have made in a while.
โฅ ๐‡. ๐ˆ๐–๐€๐ˆ๐™๐”๐Œ๐ˆ
Hajime has been ignoring you for the past two hours and you can't figure out why.
You know you haven't done anything to piss him off recently (or so you think), so his behavior is kind of strange. Nothing you did made him listen to you either.
He doesn't even let you know he's leaving for work, which reminds you of yesterday. You were so excited to go see your cousin's puppy you'd forgotten to tell your boyfriend you'd be out for awhile.
Suddenly while you're tidying up the kitchen you briefly remember him asking you on a date... yesterday.
That's probably why he's ignoring you.
So of course, being the problem solver you are, you head to the store to get stuff to set up a nice date at home.
You decorate the table with pretty rose petals and cook his favorite meal for him. Candles light up the table and two glasses of wine are set on the table.
Hajime lets out a loud groan as he enters the house, working with a bunch of athletes all the time is quite tiring. What he doesn't expect is the dimmed lights and quiet music playing from the alexa in the kitchen.
For the first time today he talks to you, "What's all this?"
"An apology for forgetting our date last night. I set up an at home date for us." He tries and fails to look upset, still.
"I'm glad you remembered," he pauses, "the day after our date." A snort leaves his lips and you roll your eyes.
"At least I remembered. Hurry up and put your stuff up so we can eat. The food is gonna get cold."
It's safe to say he forgives with the way a lopsided grin adorns his face.
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divider: @/chachachannah
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arttsuka ยท 1 day
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2024 vs 2019-21
I really did design this a few months after I actually got into star trek for the first time. I don't know if the difference is as big but I feel much more comfortable with my style now. Rant under the cut.
Star trek was one of the first big fandoms I consciously started looking into. It had a special connection to me.
The first star trek thing I ever watched was the 2009 movie, although I didn't watch it in 2009 and I was far too young either way, I was too bored to read subtitles (English is not my native language). A few years passed and in 2017 I watched star trek beyond. I loved the characters but something was missing? Then I started digging into the fandom. I watched the other 2 aos movies, started looking up fanart. In 2018 I started watching tos for the first time. I never actually finished that watch, some episodes from seasons 1 and 2 and the majority of season 3 left without me touching them at all (I was watching on Netflix and like, I love(d) Spock so I usually just skipped episodes without him in them, don't judge me). In 2019, summer, I started watching the old movies (while watching the 4th one I has a very bad toothache but the movie made me feel better until I inevitably went to the dentist). I also didn't get to watch all the movies, the 5th half watched and the 6th not at all (but I do want to watch all 6 this year, let's see how that goes). Then the pandemic happened, I started rewatching my favorite episodes (the naked time, the devil in the darkness, amok time etc). I don't remember exactly when but I did watch some tas episodes too (don't remember much, only the vibes). Last year (2023) I did a full actual rewatch of tos.
If course I was reading fanfiction too at the time, the first big fanfic I've ever read was a star trek fic. I was looking at fanart and I wanted to draw too but the problem was, I couldn't figure out how to draw these characters. I was copying other styles hoping I'll find mine (it didn't work but it helped me improve I think). I have some of these early Spock drawings from 2019 but I don't know if they'll ever see the light of day. Making Spock as a pony was the only logical solution at the time. It was easy, I was familiar with mlp enough to make sense of it and also I love drawing animals. So this design was born. Over the years I just stopped drawing the gloss on his hair but the overall design didn't change.
If you couldn't guess I love drawing wings so I think this is where the most improvement lies. But I do think the anatomy is better as well.
I'm not reading all that, so let's hope I didn't make any mistakes while writing it (I'm not good at writing so there're definitely mistakes in here :| ).
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seventh-fantasy ยท 2 hours
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top 5 dihua moments
HELLO ohhh goddd if i really really really have to pick... I'LL TRY (in tears)
in chronological order of the episodes:
(1) โ€œไฝ ่ฟ™ไธชไบบๆœ€ๅคง็š„ๅผฑ็‚นๅฐฑๆ˜ฏๅ–œๆฌขๅฝ“่‹ฑ้›„ใ€‚ไธ€ไธชๅ‰‘ๅฎขไธ่ฏฅๆœ‰ๅผฑ็‚นใ€‚โ€ your greatest weakness is that you like being a hero. a swordsman should be without weaknesses. (ep 1)
i'm as in love with the entire donghai scene as much as the next person but this dialogue is particularly special to me. so it was the first one i pinned down for this list. no hesitation. :)
it's a cornerstone of dihua's relationship; the thesis of lxy/llh's and their joint narrative. it prompts the deconstruction of the staple wuxia ideas of ไพ  xia and heroism - which is what i really love lhl for. and dfs being the one to deliver this incredibly crucial and significant line is 10/10. he knew lxy even better than lxy did. he is the bearer and catalyst of lhl's story, lxy/llh's story.
"your greatest weakness is that you like being a hero. a swordsman should be without weaknesses." so what does it even mean to be a hero. is it more important to be a hero than being human. and i will become human. i am human and always have been. and i have weaknesses - i cannot win against fate, i am dying. but what ever is even wrong with being weak? being human is to have weaknesses. so i guess it's no wonder for the narrative to come in a full circle with dfs coming in possession of a weakness and be trapped in it. no longer the killer of di fortress. he's just a human being.
and llh bringing this up again in ep 11 feels to me that he had been carrying these words with him over the past 10 years. bicha and the battle have transformed him physically. but i like to think that dfs's words had an important role to play in an even deeper level of change.
all it took was this one scene to sell to me that this would probably be the kind of narrative i love.
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(2) reunion in the woods (ep 8)
it's just so fucking good like literally every dihua scene. who doesn't love a good post-divorce first meeting scene. there's just a lot to chew on. most of all, llh just had to keep reminding dfs how well he knew dfs. we know the moon has always been this bright, alright. AND they were threatening each other. very sexy of them.
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(3) whatever the heck was going between them in cailianzhuang arc (ep 11)
truly nothing brings out old married couple + parents vibes better than an inquisitive boy accusing you two of being up to something secretive behind his back. both their guilty expressions. :3 also dfs being the first person huahua goes to when he doesn't want to be alone. huahua being exceptionally chatty around dfs and dfs has no problem entertaining him. :3 they're totally on the same wavelength without having to say anything to each other and this arc brings it out so well.
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(4) ่…ŠๆœˆไบŒๅไธƒ donghai anniversary wedding night (ep 38)
this is the last one i came up for the list after fighting a whole war in my mind over which 5 of the 100000 beloved scenes to pick. hate being predictable but. you just HAVE to give it to it. how do you NOT pick this for a top 5. all the 10 million other top 5 dihua scenes just had to make space for the anniversary scene. :'(
if i had to be even more specific, i think the scene of them in bed most likely takes the cake for me. llh literally saved dfs's life and helped him to become the stronger person he has always wanted to be. and perhaps no other moment exhibits the complementary yin and yang nature of their powers/energies in a more illustrative and palpable way. undershirts in bed just hits different from being fully clothed and one person literally having to keep the other person alive by touch...and this time it's llh for dfs despite the whole time it's dfs who was dedicated to keep llh alive. they have no lack of scenes that exhibit how in sync they are intellectually, and this is peak physical intimacy and tenderness, added with a brush with death/mortality yeah...
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(5) llh/lxy's farewell to dfs (ep 40)
playing cheat here by combining two different moments :) but they are essentially connected. llh/lxy had to leave. and since it really had to be that way, i'm glad dfs was on his mind until the very end. what more can one ask for. there is really nothing more dear and tender in the world to be thought of
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tl;dr: /blows kisses to every dihua moment
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bangcakes ยท 2 months
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#feel like thw trip i took over the weekend was like. a brain reset NDNDDNNNDNDNDN#it was like i was taken back to a time precovid... pre career change.... i was just like oh ya this is how things were NDNNDMSNSMSM#just .... goin on trips with my friends....#ya...........#idk NDNXNNXJXJXJX#just needed that i guess#bc i was so stressed like between graduating and job searching and my boy problem it was so much#bc when i graduated university.... i really just had to deal with graduating. bc i had to take some time off after for mental health n then#they were so desperate in my field that i got a job within like a week of applying NFNFJJFJDNXNND#so... ya i had like time to deal with stuff. whereas this time i was hit with like... what felt like so much.... idk IDK#im just glad that i keep finding jobs to apply to. bc there were two weeks where it was so DRY. like there was Nothing to apply to and i was#like OH SO AM I FUCJED??? IS TGE WELL DRY#but nah. i found one last week that i applied to over the weekend and another yesterday that i'll apply to in the coming days...#may as well take my time.... bc its not due until 2 weeks from now#2 of the jobs ive applied to already also close this week so im like. WILL I HEAR BACK?.?????#idk idk#software is so competitive.....#psych was..... lmao. high turnover everywhere. HOWEVER.... there was this one company that had basically a monopoly on the field#in my town and the surrounding ones#so like....... wouldnt have been easy to move around#at least in software.... you can get a job at literally any sector lmao. like the options are unlimited thank god#there was a posting to work at a library..... i wasnt qualified for it bc they wanted like someoen super experienced#but i was like OH WOW A GOAL.????#like god imagine i get to work at a library.... kicking screaming throwing UP#thatd be so cool.....#id feel so accomplished...#personal
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twilightarcade ยท 6 months
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that guy who ruined my life
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gazelessmenagerie ยท 4 months
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( .................i'm most likely just gonna keep him the same bc I'm stubborn.)
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transmechanicus ยท 1 year
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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drysauce ยท 2 years
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the big-eared dendro boy
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desperatepleasures ยท 4 months
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trying not to think about it but also i need to figure out what im gonna do with my hermit crabs and it's not like. urgent but at some point im gonna have to figure out how to change out their substrate and also there's a solid chance i'll have to rehome them someday :(
#(not rehoming them anytime soon but i wanna mentally prepare myself a little for when that day comes)#anyway re: substrate change. this is a 45gal tank filled with ~50lbs of sand etc. and i live in a 4th floor walkup#playsand comes in 25lb bags which i am not physically capable of carrying up 3 flights of stairs. my ex had to do it when we moved here#maybe i can like. hire someone to carry it up the stairs???#but then i have to figure out how to dispose of their current substrate which again. LOTS of sand.#i could probably board them at work for a week or so in a smaller tank while i do the changeout#idk man it's just like. a lot#i feel bad their tank is so fucked and it's like. i can't physically fix the problem!!!#and as far as rehoming like. idk if move out someday i really doubt im gonna wanna move the tank.#i guess it depends on what kinda living situation im going to#and eventually i'll have to move out. or my roommate will move out and i won't be able to afford the mortgage on my own#and still have to move out lol#anyway again none of this is happening soon i just need to accept the reality of the situation#and like am i really gonna go through the nightmare logistics of a substrate change only to rehome them soon after?#but on the same token. am i really gonna give someone a nasty-ass tank? lmao#so. idk. i gotta think on that one.#i just feel bad for them i mean they have a fairly good quality of life#especially considering what most hermit crabs suffer lmao#but. i wish i could do better for them#i could probably find someone to take them at least because of my job lol#the logistics will suck no matter what and also i love those little guys and i'm getting sad just thinking about it :(#but they're only gonna get bigger and i definitely can't upgrade their tank in my current living situation#so either way something has to give ya know?
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tardis--dreams ยท 5 months
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I wish i could skip forward to December 23 already
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slippery-minghus ยท 1 year
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i'm really discovering, as an adult, how important Floor Time is when dealing with Big Emotions. it's amazing how, well, grounding it is. how i almost feel put back together again.
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p0rchc0ll4ps3 ยท 2 years
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23 matches for Ryf
It is a pleasure to burn. Cathartic, isn't it? To watch the wanton destruction, to feel the heat, to smell the heavy heavy chemical scent of it, to be soaked in it, to wear that ash on your skin like a cologne. Good, god, yes is it a pleasure to burn. It's something that you can control... something you have in your hands... something you can do, a way to overcome your feelings of weakness, of inferiority... a way to stick it to the man, to put up a signal fire, a beacon to tell the world I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE... and to be known by no one at all at the same time. Burn, burn, burn, take your mind off the world collapsing around you. Burn, burn, burn, and your loneliness means nothing, your inadequacy means nothing, push the darkness away with the burning light of day, you know? Gasoline, matches. Lighter, lighter fluid. Kindling, a spark, and oh... the whole world goes up in flame... Get back at it, take out your frustrations on it, and maybe, just maybe, there's a hope inside of you that you will burn down with it, isn't there? You stand there, watching it burn, smile on your face, flames dancing in your too green eyes. Words from a song come to you as you snap the burned match in your hand in half. I never was a part of you. Burn. I never was a part of you. Burn. I never was a part of you. BURN. I'm gonna' burn this WHOLE. WORLD. DOWN. Your smile widens. Someday, the world will FUCKING PAY.
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born-to-lose ยท 2 years
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If I get back to depressed posting this week, blame it on my period ok. I'm a normal mentally healthy person whose hormones are just going crazy :)
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starpros-sunshine ยท 2 years
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I think the only good advice my besties mother has ever given me is to stop thinking for others and let them decide for themselves wether they think I'm being annoying or not
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anaalnathrakhs ยท 19 days
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hjgjhggjgjgh forgot i can't even go to the psych ward if there was magically room for my non urgent case. my mom's birthday is this weekend, and my aunt and grandma stay at our house for the following week. i need to be there for the birthday, and then i have to seem normal and present at normal hours. AND THEN IT'S THE HOLIDAYS.
#i don't want to be alive holy shit#i wanna say they're probs not gonna hospitalize me no matter how much i'd need it#so i can call and ask for an appointment or smth anything#but what if they actually CAN hospitalize me#i can't say no. but i can't say yes.#i guess i'll try something during the holidays#but in the meantime i'm missing everything im missing classes im missing homework im missing my exams#im supposed to be preparing my graduation exam and instead i rot at home because ''we're not a healthcare facility''#i don't think i'm ever gonna change lmao once this phase is gone i fucking hope it'll go away it's just gonna turn into another problem#and i'll cycle through unlivable shit forever#like i've always done#i don't even know what to do. drop out maybe but i don't have the balls to. wait until they kick me out for good i think.#and then. idk. am i really cut out for the workforce lmao. school is safe and cozy and there's reasons im still there#bc everything else is scary and unpredictable and you have to earn your place there#i know im the problem. i know anything i do always leads to more problems.#yadda yadda yadda everybody deserves a place. but when i get kicked out of somewhere because i'm unbearable to deal with#i don't think im supposed to force my way in again#i don't know what to do. i know the way to get out of there is to force myself to do things.#but what does ''out of there'' even looks like?#no really. i don't think i've ever experienced an ''out of there''#unless i try to go back to being a toddler which doesn't sound like the play here#everything i do always lead to more pain and that's fully because im a killjoy who can't handle two weeks of normal human life#what's the point#broadcasting my misery#vent
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drowned-ai ยท 3 months
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only a bit frustrated that people don't seem to know how poetic he can be, and I can't show it off myself. That's all
I can keep my grievences to myself, even if seeing post after post of people mis-portraying him as stupid takes years off my lifespan </3
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