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aleksanderscult · 3 months

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Bagrah could be a great, fascinating character if Leigh Bardugo didn't try so hard to victimize her and portray her as some sort of hero... Seriously wtf ? The narration in relation to Bagrah always made me cringe. In another version of events, I would have liked a less ignorant Alina to tell her the truth about being a bad teacher, a bad mother (now I want a fanfiction where Alina defends Aleksander of Bagrah) and just a bad person.

⚠️TW: Suicide mention at some point⚠️

Bestie, you just decided to touch one of the most problematic things in that universe. The matter of "We consider toxic, problematic women innocent and heroic".

Just like Baghra, just like Ana Kuya. A world where if you're a woman and you're toxic, then you're okay!

My own feelings of Baghra is that I just can't help but find her interesting. I can't help but wanna re-read her scenes sometimes. I don't like her but she's intriguing. There are times when I remember how fucked up her life was. Her father neglected her and her mother despised her. And then they abandoned her. Which makes me feel sorry for her. But then I remember how she had numerous kids from loveless matches and abandoned them all except one. Because this boy was special like her: immortal and powerful. She willingly condemned another human being to the pain and loneliness of immortality (and it's very possible that she condemned her other children to immortality as well, just like Ulla). She raised Aleksander with no displays of love, didn't allow him to form bonds with others and used emotional, verbal (and, very possibly, physical) abuse on him. Taught him how to be prideful, to abandon love, to value power. But when Aleksander became prideful and valued power, she turned her back on him. When he found a potential match on Alina, she took her away from him. Because Baghra always wanted him to depend on her for company and love. All these make me feel disgust for her.

But still Baghra was a product of the fucked up life Grisha had that made her value self-preservation, just like Aleksander was. The only difference is that Aleksander cared about the fate of their people.

And when Aleksander entrusted her with the training of his Grisha, she used violent means to teach them how to develop and control their powers. Even used their own phobias against them ffs.

And despite all this, we have the good guys not only remembering her fondly but also defend her:

This whole paragraph makes me sick.

Look, I naturally didn't expect the good gang remember the Darkling with love. No way that. But why on God's green earth do they make him seem like a lunatic with no feelings that was at fault for literally EVERYTHING?

“Did he love the girl he forced to commit those murders?”

Ah, yes, of course. Because if a person is a murderer then he's also incapable of feeling love. When you're a villain, you can't love. You can't have both. It's impossible, Aleksander! 😠🫵

“What about the girl he tossed into the old king's bed for his own purposes?”

Oh right. Because Aleksander gave Genya to the King not to the Queen's care. Jesus, I forgot that.

Oh yes! I also forgot how Genya decided to stay because she wanted to take revenge.

“then mutilated when she dared to challenge him”

Me if I was the editor of the book, saw that line and correcting it: "then punished when she dared to commit treason against him?"

Because isn't that what she did? She was his soldier and let the Sun Summoner escape. What do you think he would do to her? Give her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and say: "I understand. She's your friend. Fuck Ravka."

“Or the woman he blinded for failing to offer him unswerving devotion?”

Didn't Baghra commit treason as well? Didn't she let the Sun Summoner go? Does Zoya realize that if the King had found out, he would behead Baghra on the spot?

Also why is she talking about him like he didn't regret what he did to his mother?

And am I the only one in this goddamn fandom that thinks that Baghra got away with it lightly?

So Zoya in a few words:

‘Who would speak for Liliyana, for Genya and Alina and Baghra if she did not?’

In other words Zoya: "I'm the LAWYER IN HERE!!"

Instead of wanting to feel love for the good characters and side with them, I want to slap them across the face. The amount of stupidity and arrogance they have is truly admirable. Congratulations for being douchebags, my friends!!👌👌

This duology has me like:

Instead of admitting that Baghra was problematic and made many serious mistakes (which I would much prefer to see from them) they're glorifying her. They're painting her as a frail, weak and innocent woman that did nothing wrong in her life. And being abusive is not against her! Of course not. Because she's a woman so we have to let her go of any charges and forgive her. ❤️

She was neither frail nor weak. She could easily use her powers if she could but Baghra loooved to play the victim. And she was definitely not innocent. She was one of the reasons Aleksander came out this way and contributed to his eventual downfall in R&R. Since her suicide made him lose his mind and become even more unhinged.

And, finally, yes I would have liked someone to tell her how shit of a mother she was to her son and how she sucks in general. But I don't think it would mind her much. She would be apathetic and sarcastic.

#if I see ONE person being a pro Baghra in this fandom I'll lose my faith in humanity #women CAN be toxic too #all people of any gender. race and sex can be toxic #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova #baghra morozova #anti nikolai duology #anti zoya nazyalensky #king of scars #shadow and bone #grishaverse #grishaverse trilogy

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anonymousbeefriendfanfics · 6 months

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Trick or treat for yknow who haha. Zoya and Langley

You have been.... Treated!

Trick-or-treat here!

Zoya probably never celebrated Halloween, because I don't see her being very big on holidays when it's just her. There's no point.

But. But! Halloween and Christmas are 100% big holidays with the Legion because of Horo. Even though she would probably try to insist she's a big girl now and doesn't need to go trick-or-treating like a child anymore, I can still see her being the one to bring up a Halloween party to Zoya. Of course, she says no at first, because they have bigger problems, but seeing how excited Horo gets over the prospect... well, how can she resist?

After being brought into the MBCC, of course, Horo and some equally-energetic Sinners (EMP and Hella, just to name a couple) are celebrating in full-swing, and Zoya... well, she doesn't care, or so she says. She won't admit it, but she misses the little Legion Halloween parties.

Ask her to dress up with you, especially in some sort of couple's (or group/polycule) costume? She just laughs, but keep at it, because she'll relent faster than you expect her to. She pretends to hate it because of various reasons, ranging from it being uncomfortable to too restricting or a 'useless' waste of time and resources, but she also has to hide her smile when you drag her in front of a mirror.

She will absolutely escort the younger Sinners to go trick-or-treating with you, if you request it of her. She'll pretend to be bored, sure, but you know her well enough to see the light in her eyes as she watches them run around in their costumes and fight over candy. She doesn't even protest when Horo shoves a chocolate bar into her hand, just smiles warmly and thanks her before taking a bite and offering the next one to you.

Now, as much fun as that is, it's not quite Zoya's style, and she would much prefer a more adult-themed party. One with alcohol, preferably, where dirty jokes and foul language are allowed and she can relax and let loose without having to worry about setting a bad example for the younger ones who look up to her.

Langley, on the other hand, loves Halloween! It's probably her favorite holiday, though she doesn't get to celebrate it as much as she likes with how busy the 9th agency always stays.

She will always have an officer or two stationed outside the building or in some nearby location with a large bowl of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters. She herself will come down at least once to relieve them for a break if she isn't away on an assignment, just so she can have the opportunity to hand out the treats to the little ones. As busy as she is, she can spare ten minutes once a year, right? She's not big on kids, but there's something about seeing them on Halloween that soothes her soul.

She doesn't have much time for decorating but I feel like she enjoys it nevertheless, and throws a few simple decorations around the office in October. She'd love to decorate more elaborately, but there just isn't the time for such things.

She also throws a Halloween party every year - probably two, truthfully, because they're always too busy to stop working, so half her team will work while half parties, and then the next weekend, they switch off. She takes good care of her employees and parties like this are a must to let loose and have some fun every once and a while! They all work too hard, especially Langley herself.

I feel like she's the type who always has candy in her bag around October so she can randomly reward her subordinates by handing them a piece just to enjoy the baffled looks on their faces. She definitely finds out your favorite type of candy or treat and makes a point of hiding them for you in random places. She probably does this occasionally year-round but October especially is when she steps up the hiding game.

She also definitely buys all of the Sinners their preferred candies/treats for Halloween once she's shackled, just because she can and she enjoys seeing them so happy.

Also. You know Langley is the queen of costumes. She has the resources, of course, so she always has the most elaborate, beautiful costume. She always looks nice but she'll absolutely take the opportunity to dress up and look even better. Honestly she's probably the one to suggest a couple costume with you. I don't know what it'll be, but suffice to say it will be spectacular and it'll fit you perfectly. It'll be very tasteful and elegant, though!

Writing Masterlist 🐝 Requests Open! Tag List 🐝

#beefriend-writes #path to nowhere #ptn zoya #ptn langley #beefriend trick or treat

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rose-sophia-isabella-rogers · 11 months

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A Tale of Stolen Hearts: Chapter XIV - Despise Your Heart

Chapter Summary: How will you get the famous blade?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Wylan Hendriks/Jesper Fahey

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky, Tolya Yul-Bataar, Kaz Brekker, Wylan Hendriks, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, The Disciple, Ohval Saran

Word Count: 3480

A/N: This chapter contains plot from the episodes five and six of season two. Happy reading!

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

You and others reach Shu-Han. You leave your companions and go to check on the shop. You return a few moments later. You walk to Kaz, Jesper, Wylan and Tolya.

'The teashop is open now,' you inform them and look at Kaz. 'So, you have fun. I will see you later.'

'You're not coming?' Kaz asks, frowning. Ah, how you love to spoil his perfectly crafted plans. You smirk at him.

'Kaz, darling, I'm a thief,' you say. 'I want something, I take it, not buy it. So, you try the nice way first. In the meantime, I'll check out the things if we have to do it my way.'

You wink at him and walk away. You plan to find out where the Disciple lives and how to break into his house. And get out, of course. Never forget the rule number one.

When you're done you meet with others at the rented apartment. Their faces tell you enough. They did not succeed.

'[Y/N], your abilities as a Heartrender are useful to you as a thief, are they not?' Tolya asks before you can find out what happened. 'Like controlling your heart and emotions?'

'Oh, yes, very useful,' you confirm. 'Why?'

'We think Ohval is the Disciple,' Wylan explains. 'Nina says her heartbeat was like a clock during their conversation.'

'Huh. That would explain the fact the Neshyenyer is in her house,' you say, sitting down. 'Am I to understand we're stealing it?'

'What did you find out?' Kaz asks instead of answering you.

'She lives just outside the city,' you say. 'I know all the entrance and exits. I don't know the traps however…'

'Traps?' Wylan asks, nervous.

'Dear Wylan, every respectable thief has traps in place they hold their treasures,' you explain.

'Why didn't I fell into a trap when I was visiting you?' Jesper asks. Your raise your eyebrows.

'Because I'm not stupid enough to invite you to a place with my treasures,' you answer and turn to Inej. 'You were tailing her. What did you find out?'

'When she stopped at the tea shop, she placed an order at the apothecary that she'll be picking up tonight,' Inej answers. 'I watched her at home a while and no one came or went except her.'

'So, while she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house,' Kaz says. 'The rest of us will go in and grab the blade.'

Zoya scoffs. Everyone looks at her

'You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house,' she says. 'That's why we took [Y/N], isn't it? She always prefers to work alone.'

'Yeah, but like I said, I don't know where the traps are and I'm assuming someone isn't willing to wait for me to find out,' you say, glaring at Kaz.

'There's no time,' Kaz says. You huff.

'See?' you ask. 'So, this one time I could use some help.'

'I'm a soldier, not a thief,' Zoya asks. 'Why else would I need you criminals?'

'Oh, there's much less of a difference there than you think,' Tolya says. Nina chuckles.

'You just keep eating your walnuts,' Zoya says, glaring at her, then looks at Kaz. 'I'll go with Nina.'

Nina coughs. She's clearly not happy about that idea.

'Are you sure you don't need me?' she asks. 'I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.'

'Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary,' Kaz decides. 'Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.'

Everyone nods. Zoya looks at you.

'You've seen the house,' she says. 'Can you break in?'

'Zoya, when will you stop doubting me?' you ask with an amused smirk.

'Possibly the moment you decide to stop using sarcasm,' Zoya answers.

'Never then?' you ask. 'How cruel.'

'I honestly don't know who's worse,' Jesper whispers to Inej. 'Zoya and Nina or Zoya and [Y/N].'

'I heard that,' you say. Jesper flinches.

'You have elephant ears,' he says. You chuckle and look at him.

'Trust me, it's not always pleasant,' you say.

'How much heightened are your senses?' Nina asks curiously. You exhale slowly.

'Very,' you answer. 'They weren't always like that. But in the past years I used more and more my abilities. In the effect I grew more powerful.'

'Enough chit-chat,' Kaz says. 'Time to get to work. You ready?'

'To steal from the greatest thief?' you ask and grin. 'Of course, I am. I love a challenge after all.'

It's night. You reached outside Ohval's house. You start drawing on the ground.

'This house is traditional,' you say. 'It has a specific layout. We enter through the front courtyard, antechamber, middle courtyard, main chamber.'

'We sweep the entirety,' Kaz asks. 'How long will it take you to set up?'

'Um, I can have the door open in about five minutes,' Wylan says. 'And if Ohval trips it, we have two minutes before the firecrackers go off to get out.'

'Even if she returns prematurely, we cannot leave without the blade,' Inej says. In the meantime, you start on the first lock.

'Yes, the future of Ravka and my payment depend on it,' Kaz says. 'I'm aware.'

'It's more than the future of Ravka at stake,' Tolya says. 'If we fail, Shu Han, Fjerda, Ketterdam, and beyond, they'll feel the weight of the Darkling bare down on them.'

'Way to up the stakes,' Jesper says. You open the door. You enter the front courtyard. You get to open the door to the antechamber. Wylan sets his things by the door you walked in through. Jesper walks to him and they start talking quietly. Others observe you. Soon, the door is open.

'Jesper,' Kaz calls. 'We're going in. Close the doors behind you.'

You enter the antechamber. Only Wylan stays outside. You look for any traps.

'Spread out,' Kaz says. That's when you hear it. But it's Tolya that says it:

'I sense a heartbeat.'

'I thought the compound was empty,' Jesper says.

'It's faint,' Tolya says. 'Further in the house.'

'And old,' you add and your eyes go wide. 'Tolya, don't!'

But it's too late. He steps on a trap. The door behind and in front of you close. Toyla and Inej try to kick the exit door open. No use. Inej also tries to use her dagger.

'It's impenetrable,' she declares. Kaz knocks on the frames.

'The frames are made of metal,' he says.

'They're Durast-made,' Jesper, who's put the ear to another, says. You try to force the exit door open. That's when you hear mechanism cranking.

'That does not sound good,' Jesper says. You all look around nervously.

'There's something in the air,' Tolya says. You look up and see an orange smoke filling the air. You all start coughing.

'This is how we die,' Jesper says. One by one your companions fall on the ground, unconscious. Only you and Toyla hold up, using your Heartrened abilities to stay awake, trying to get rid of the gas from your bodies. You also still try to open the door.

'Wylan,' Toyla calls. But Wylan doesn't hear. Your vision blurs a little. You concentrate more on opening the door then your poisoned body. But you still persist.

'Wylan! Wylan!' Tolya calls.

'Tolya!' you finally hear.

'The air is poisoned!' Tolya calls. 'It's killing us!'

'Tolya!' Wylan calls from the other side. 'Jesper! Anyone? Hello?'

Behind you Tolya says something. Then you hear a thud. He's out, too. And you're going to be as well soon.

'Damn it…' you murmur, feeling yourself becoming weaker. 'Wylan… help…'

Then you hear a click. The door is unlocked. But you have no strength to push it. You cough and fall on your side.

'No…' you whisper and close your eyes, sighing deeply. 'Aleksander…'

When you open your eyes, you see an unfamiliar ceiling. You sit up with a start.

'Bad dream?' you hear a familiar voice beside you. You stiffen. You look to your left and see the face you long to see, smiling at you.

'Aleksander?' you ask.

'Would anyone else be in your bed?' your beloved chuckles, lifting himself up. 'I should hope not.'

He sits in front of you and smiles. You reach out and caress his cheek. Emotions swell in you.

'It's a dream, isn't it?' you ask. Aleksander touches your hand on his cheek.

'Why would it be a dream?' he asks.

'Because you're in Ravka, fighting with Alina and her supporters,' you answer and look around. 'Not here in… What is this place?'

'Novyi Zem,' Aleksander answers, embracing you. 'A place where we can just live in peace. Isn't that what you wanted?'

You did. Still do. And it feels so safe in his arms. So good. You want to stay there. But you know it's not real.

'What about Alina?' you ask. 'Ravka? Grisha?'

'They don't concern us,' Aleksander answers and kisses the top of your head. You smile sadly and pull away.

'This is how I know it's not real,' you say. 'You never give up.'

You kiss him softly. Your heart clenches.

'This is a fantasy,' you whisper. 'A nice fantasy. That I wish was true. But still a fantasy.'

'It could be real,' Aleksander says. You look at him pleadingly.

'Tell me how,' you beg him. 'How can I save you?'

Aleksander opens his mouth to answer. But before he can the room disappears. You're consumed by darkness.

You open your eyes with a gasp. You sit up abruptly. You hear a chuckle next to you. You turn your head and see Tolya grinning at you.

'How…?' you start and feel a weird taste in your mouth. 'What did I just eat?'

'You don't want to know,' Tolya answers and helps you up. Others are up as well.

'Is everyone alive?' you hear Wylan's voice… through a hole in the wall.

'We're alive,' Inej answers.

'Okay,' Wylan says.

'I owe you my life,' Tolya says to Inej. She shakes her head.

'It was Wylan,' she says. 'He saved us.'

'Wylan did?' Jesper asks, surprised.

'You're welcome,' Wylan says.

'We almost died, didn't we?' Jesper asks. 'Same time... I had the most incredible hallucination. Did anyone else get lulled into a… comforting sense of joy?'

'Yes,' you say after a moment, a hint of sadness in your voice.

'What did you see?' Tolya asks.

'What I left behind in Ravka,' you answer.

'I didn't see anything,' Kaz says.

'Neither did I,' Inej says. You and Tolya exchange a look. You both can tell they're lying. But decide not to say anything.

'All right, what's the plan?' Tolya asks.

'You said there was another heartbeat in the house,' Kaz says, turning his head. Tolya nods.

'Southeast corner,' he says. 'The heartbeat's weak.'

'It belongs to an old man,' you add and get looks. 'What? Trust me on this.'

'I suspect she built all of this to protect that heart,' Kaz says, taking a few steps around the room. 'Along with a different way in to get to it. [Y/N], if you could-'

'Done,' you interrupt him and push open the door to the inward courtyard. 'By the way, the other door is open as well.'

'What?' Wylan asks. 'So, I didn't have to make that hole?'

'I think if you'd just walked in, you would get the poison as well, so I think you did well,' you answer and turn to Kaz with a smile. 'What's next?'

The others stay in the chamber, going to work as a bait to Ohval. You and Kaz go further into the house, following the heartbeat.

'Do you think they're going to be alright?' you ask Kaz quietly. He just nods. You stop in front of one of the rooms.

'He's there,' you say. You open the door and look in. There's an old man on a wheelchair. He looks up when you enter.

'Who are you?' he asks, puzzled. You smile.

'We are so, sorry,' you say. 'We're art collectors from Kerch. We're visiting with our friends.'

'We are sorry to disturb you,' Kaz says. You quickly scan around the room. You smile, understanding.

'No, no, it's always nice to have visitors,' he says. 'You're art collectors, then?'

'Yes,' you say and walk to the man. 'And between you and me, I'm a great fan of your work.'

'My work?' the man asks. You smirk and show him your favourite lockpick. He gasps.

'Ah, I see!' he says and chuckles. 'What about you? Anything I heard about?'

'She stole the device that threatened to ruin all Grisha,' Kaz answers from you. The Disciple, as it's him, gasps.

'Sankta [Y/N],' he says and smiles. 'That was a nice job. A bit messy, but effective and with style. I liked it.'

'Thank you,' you say, touched. Kaz clears his throat.

'We were looking for your wife,' you say. 'I think she said she'll be in the inward courtyard? But we got a bit lost, you see.'

'Don't worry,' the Disciple says. 'If you can help me, I'll lead you there.'

You put your hands on his wheelchair and starts pushing. Kaz walks beside you. Finally, you reach the inward courtyard. You find there Ohval killing all your friends.

'Here she is!' the Disciple says and Ohval is forced to stop. 'Sweetheart, we have visitors. Art collectors from Kerch.'

'I know, dear,' Ohval says with a smile. 'I was just about to offer them tea.'

She turns to Tolya. She speaks to him in Shu:

'He's not part of this.'

'These are the collectors we were telling you about,' Kaz says to The Disciple. 'They'll be pleasantly surprised to meet you, the great thief of the art world. The Disciple.'

'This is The Disciple?' Jesper asks with disbelief, pointing at the old man.

'Have we met before?' The Disciple asks, confused.

'Yes, in your room just now,' Kaz answers. 'And I've met your wife. In Bhez Ju. We had tea there.'

'Bhez Ju Museum,' The Discpile says and looks at you. 'The support beams are under every second section of the floor. The others creak. Important to know the secrets of a place.'

'Truly,' you agree, nodding, while Kaz gives Ohval a meaningful look.

'If anything happens to him, I will kill you all,' Ohval says to Tolya in Shu.

'All we want is the Neshyenyer,' Tolya assures her in Shu, shaking his head.

'The Neshyenyer?' The Disciple asks. 'I stole it for her.

'Please, dear,' Ohval says.

'It was the last piece I stole before we decided I should retire,' The Disciple continues. 'Anyway, you couldn't really call it stealing. It was hers to begin with. She made it.'

'I'm sorry,' Jesper says, frowning. 'Did you say she made it?'

The Disciple stands up. He walks shakily to Ohval and they join hands.

'Hours of work,' he says. 'Prayers. And tears. To fight the unkillable army created by the clock worker Kho.'

'Three days and nights she fought the unstoppable soldiers,' Tolya says after chuckling softly. 'And when the last soldier fell, she laid down the weapon. And it was named Neshyenyer. "Relentless". We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.'

One by one your friends kneel. Only you and Kaz remain standing.

'Sankta Neyar?' Inej asks in awe.

'Come, my love,' Ohval says. 'Let's get you to bed.'

She puts The Disciple back on his chair. He exhales, tired. She looks up at you and Kaz.

'This is our sanctuary,' she says. 'Where we can sleep peacefully. Not have to worry about thieves and bandits like you.'

'We're not bandits,' Kaz denies.

'No one gets past the poison,' Ohval says, looking at you all. 'You're just a child, really.'

'A child who understood your weakness,' Kaz says.

'"Weakness",' Ohval repeats in a scoff. 'Four hundred years I've been alive. I've seen them all die. My family. All my loved ones. Taken away from me by time. Hundreds of years I closed my heart, as if that was the solution to ending all pain. What a safe way to live. What a small way, as well. You guard against pain. You guard against joy. But when you allow yourself to be blindsided by love… two worlds make a universe.'

Ohval's words hit you heart. Because this is the life you've lived. Before you met Aleksander. And your world colliding with his created a beautiful universe. If only for a short moment.

'He's not my weakness,' Ohval says. 'He's my universe. And I will see him through his days. Sharing every moment… until he is part of the night sky. What do I care about a blade? What do you care about a blade?'

'The Darkling has created an unkillable army made of shadow,' Kaz answers. 'Your sword is the only one sharp enough to cut them down.'

'That sounds like Ravka's problem,' Ohval says.

'You think he would be stopped by a line on a map?' Kaz asks. Ohval covers her beloved's ears.

'I think I can still kill you where you stand before you can blink,' she says. Others stand up.

'Sankta Neyar, I have met the Sun Summoner who will take leadership in Ravka if the Darkling is gone,' Tolya says, walking to you, and you flinch and his words. 'She is benevolent, and she is also Shu. She could be the living bridge between our two countries, but that can only happen if you grant us use of the blade.'

'Use of it?' Ohval asks with disbelief. 'All this just to borrow the blade?'

'All this just to protect your husband in his sleep?' you ask and smile softly. 'We each fight for what matters most.'

'And on my life, I will make sure that it is returned to its rightful home,' Tolya says. 'With you, Sankta Neyar.'

'Ohval,' the woman corrects him with a small smile. 'The last thing I need are... pilgrims crowding my gate.'

'Is it time for bed now, darling?' The Disciple asks.

'All of you, out,' Ohval says to you and you gather to leave, but she points at Jesper. 'Except for you, in the hat. I'll give the blade to you. Alone.'

Jesper stays while the rest of you heads to the exit. You're almost at the door when you hear Ohval's voice:

'Wait.'

You all turn. She's looking at you.

'You wait here,' she says. 'I need to speak with you.'

You're puzzled by it, but you nod. Jesper goes with The Disciple and Ohval, while the rest of your friends leave. You wait, alone. Finally, Jesper comes out with the sword in his hands. You are, however, focused on Ohval. Jesper leaves and you two are left alone.

'Do you know why I want to speak with you?' Ohval asks and you shake your head. 'I saw the look in your eyes when I was telling you about my life. You've lived like that, too, didn't you?'

'Yes,' you say quietly. 'I thought love is not meant for me. Until I met someone and… I was so happy. Do you know why I steal things?'

Ohval shakes her head. She looks at you with curiosity.

'Because I want things that aren't mine,' you say. 'Because I'm jealous what others have. But most importantly… I'm jealous they have someone who loves them. For years I didn't have someone like that. Until I did. And I had to leave them. And even though my heart breaks… I'm glad I got to know them.'

'Love is worth any pain,' Ohval says, nodding. 'But I can see a fight inside of you. What is it?'

'I fear the one I love is no longer the person I fell in love with,' you answer after a moment with tears in your eyes. Ohval understands quickly.

'The Darling,' she guesses. You nod and smile.

'My greatest theft wasn't like Kaz said to your husband stealing the device that threatened all Grisha,' you say. 'It was stealing his heart. Because even I haven't realised I did it.'

'You won't know by wondering,' Ohval says after a moment. 'Maybe he still can be saved. But if so, it can only be done by a person he loves. And who loves him back. Did you see him in your hallucinations?'

You nod. She smiles at you.

'Then, you know what to do,' she says. You think for a moment. Then determination fills your eyes. You nod and take her hands in yours.

'Thank you,' you say. She nods.

'We Saints have to have each other's back,' she chuckles. You grin and nod. You let go of her, nod your farewell at her and join others.

You set off. Your friends are chatting among themselves. But you don't listen to them. In your mind is only one thought.

I'm coming to save you, Aleksander.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47256868/chapters/120642712

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zoyaofthegardvn · 1 year

Note

love love lovED your zoya fic and now i can't stop thinking about zoya and reader's first time they say i love you to each other (somehow i'm imagining an almost fwb to lovers and theyre both surprised they've fallen in love)

What Are We?

Can be seen as a prequel to A Mission Gone Wrong! In which reader and Zoya are sorta kinda friends with benefits, until they catch feelings...

A/N: Love this idea! I totally have to write something for it, thanks so much for giving me the inspo to flesh out that fic, anon, and thanks for the sweet words! :)

CW: Mentions of smut! Angst to fluff!

---

After pulling your shirt back over your head, you glance towards Zoya, asleep in her bed. You two had hooked up, again, as you had been all year. Many years before that had been spent being friends, until the lust-filled gazes finally led to something.

As far as you were aware, Zoya hadn't been sleeping with anyone since you two began your... thing. And you certainly hadn't either, Zoya had ruined anyone else for you.

And that's why you had to put an end to these hookups.

Typically, you two would fuck in one of your rooms, and you'd stay the night, cuddling, talking, the other only sneaking off in the early morning. Maybe you'd have a quickie in some hallway closet, just to spend the rest of the day together, training or going over paperwork.

But recently, you'd been encouraging the sex to occur in Zoya's bedroom only, so that you could sneak out the second she fell asleep. You were sure she had noticed the change, but she hadn't brought it up.

She probably doesn't care, maybe she even prefers it this way, you assumed. Ignoring the pang to your heart.

You had caught feelings for Zoya, which was likely the biggest no-no rule when it came to friends with benefits. And really, you had feelings for Zoya before your intimate relationship started. It's why you slept with her in the first place.

But now... now you're in love with Zoya, and not being able to truly have her... it hurts. The phenomenal sex had always been enough to counteract the heartache, until it wasn't anymore.

Zoya isn't the relationship type. She's had many partners, and none of them were official relationships. You had no reason to believe you would be any different. And so, in order to look out for yourself, and to preserve the friendship with Zoya that you cherished, you had to stop.

Tonight is the last time, you swear, as you gently close her door behind you, kefta draped over your arm. Your room isn't far, just a few doors down, as you two had requested in the early days of your friendship, when you were given permanent places in the Palace after proving yourselves as formidable Grisha.

You hoped things wouldn't become too awkward, and you dreaded the day Zoya found a new partner to be intimate with. As your friend, you'd support her, and as the woman in love with her, you'd be crushed.

---

The next morning, you woke to knocking at your door. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes and wincing at the cold hard floor against your feet, you make your way to open it for your early visitor.

It's Zoya. She clocks the surprise on your face, and gives you a confused glare. Truly, you hadn't expected to see her until you made your way to the yard for training. You stare at her for a few seconds, mouth open, thinking of something to say, before she beats you to it.

"I figured we'd get breakfast before training, we didn't eat last night?" Zoya asks, clearly a bit offended by your reaction.

You drop your eyes and realize that she's already dressed and ready for the day. Unsurprising, Zoya is always on time, always ready. It catches you off guard, though, still in your robe and slippers.

"O-oh uhh, yes?" Zoya quirks at eyebrow at the question in your tone. "I mean yes, yeah of course," you add, not trying to be rude. "Just let me get dressed, I'll meet you there?"

"Sure.." Zoya trails off, even more confused by the second. Typically, you'd invite her in whenever she'd show up at your door. If you weren't required to wear a uniform for the day, she'd pick you out an outfit. She'd lounge on your bed while you worked at your desk. She'd paint her toenails while you took a bath. She'd read a book while you dozed on your couch. Zoya is your best friend, and obviously, she's noted a change in your friendship, before she noticed anything different with your sexual relationship.

You close the door in her face, and you hear her slowly walk down the hall. Resting your head against the door, you sigh, and rub your face with your hands. Still drowsy with sleep, you pull yourself together and get dressed for the day.

Breakfast isn't typically very busy, as training begins early and most prefer to sleep in. But it's true that you're starving. You and Zoya had gotten back to the Palace late the evening before, dinner had ended, and the both of you were two occupied with one another to go about finding your own food. Immediately, Zoya had fallen asleep after, and you went back to your room to do the same.

You take the seat next to Zoya, who is nearly finished with her plate. Your stomach growls, and Zoya snickers at the sound, handing you en empty plate for you to gather your food. You elbow her side, muttering, "shut up," as you fill your plate.

"So," you say, willing to start the conversation after that awkward first interaction of the day. "What's your plan for training, today?"

As a Tidemaker, you and Zoya often worked together, as Squallers and Tidemakers made a powerful pair. Zoya was more harsh with the Grisha during training, so you preferred to know what she wanted before you laid out your own plans.

She turns to look at you, placing a forkful of eggs into her mouth. She shrugs, swallows, and you see a smile tug at her lips. "Well, Y/N, I think your Tidemakers have grown a bit sloppy," you fake gasp at her insult, "so I thought we'd put them head to head today? See who comes out on top?"

You sigh, roll your eyes, and shoot her a grin. "They are not sloppy! It was your Squaller that caused them to lose control of that spiral, you know," you tease her, knowing Zoya was a bit bitter that your epic experiment with wind and water had ended in disaster, with everyone dripping wet and cold.

She snorts, shaking her head. "Please, as if," and she takes a deep sip of her coffee.

Usually, you and Zoya would disagree on training, at least a little bit. But today, you don't mind the suggestion. "I suppose that's a good idea, we've trained them to work together, but never how to fight an opponent with those skillsets," and the mood turns a bit sour, the fact that rogue Grisha exist looming over the both of you. You don't regret saying it, though. It bothers Zoya more than anyone, and she has to be able to face it.

Zoya clears her throat, and nods. "Yes, yeah... exactly."

---

Training gets off to a rough start. You two had taken your Grisha far into a field, where a large pond was located, so that you had plenty of room to work and not interfere with the other group's training. Most of the Grisha grumbled at the plan, having no real desire to engage in a battle so early in the morning. But, Zoya snapped at them, and they shut up quite quickly.

The next two hours were spent with you and Zoya coaxing your teams, how to note weak spots in an opponent, how to target them, how to catch even a skilled fighter by surprise. Both teams fought valiantly, but in the end, your Tidemakers won.

You beamed, and gloated, patting your Grisha on the back. You praised Zoya's team too, because they fought hard, and Zoya has been too tough on them, scolding them for their loss.

As everyone began the long trek back to the Palace, you hung back to walk alongside Zoya, distanced from the larger group.

"Enjoy your win, it won't happen again," Zoya mumbled, and you laughed at her pout.

"Just admit, Zoya, my Tidemakers aren't the sloppy ones!" You sing-songed.

"If it was just you and I, I would've won,' Zoya said, under her breath, but you still caught it.

Instantly, your mood faded. "Well, Zoya, not everyone can be one of the most powerful Grisha alive, I didn't think this was really about that," you spat, hurrying your pace. "But excuse me if I misunderstood!" you called over your shoulder, ignoring Zoya's calls of your name.

Perhaps you overreacted, but you were so sick and tired of Zoya's obsession with being the best, at everything. You wanted to enjoy your win, though it wasn't really yours, it belonged to your Grisha. But you were proud of them, and you were proud of the training you'd given them that clearly paid off. You had hoped Zoya would let you have at least that. You understood that Zoya wasn't trying to be mean, that she had traumas and insecurities she struggled with, but still. You deserved more respect. And maybe, though you wouldn't admit it, you wanted Zoya to admire you the way you did her.

You stomped the rest of the walk back to the Palace, even getting ahead of the Grisha in your furious haste. All you wanted was a warm bath, a snack, and maybe even a nap. You had a meeting to attend in the early evening, but that was about it. You had plenty of time to destress and cool down from your anger.

Workers, Grisha, friends, all chose to not speak to you as you entered the palace, clearly sensing you were upset. You appreciated it, really not in the mood to talk anymore. And this... surprised you. You had endured some of the harshest, meanest comments from trainers and mentors as you grew up and into your powers. So why was Zoya's comment bothering you so badly? The more you thought about it, the more upset you got. And then, tears are welling in your eyes, and you're bursting into your bedroom before they fall.

You know that it's not just what Zoya said that's brought the tears, it's the realization that Zoya will never love you the way you love her. She'll never respect you as a Grisha the way you so badly crave. She'll never view you as her equal.

You wipe at your wet cheeks as you draw your bath, taking deep breaths to soothe the sadness in your gut. Your clothes drop to the floor, and you nearly moan when the hot water touches your skin.

And, because you deserved it, you pull the bubbles to your chest that you had poured into the bath as it ran. You place a washcloth against the edge of the tub, and rest your head against it as a pillow. You enjoy a quiet few moments before a knock at your bedroom door startles you.

It's muffled, as you're locked away in the bathroom, but it catches you off guard. Again, there's a knock, but you remain silent.

If they really need me, they'll yell. You settle back against the tub, closing your eyes.

As if on cue, Zoya calls your name.

"Y/N? I know you're in there," she yells, and you roll your eyes. Honestly, you hadn't expected her to follow you. You didn't think she cared that much. You expected to see her later this evening, after you had both calmed down, and move on. Clearly, Zoya had other plans.

And then, you hear your door unlock and swing open. You curse under your breath. You had forgotten that Zoya had the spare key to your room. You weren't comfortable with hiding it somewhere should someone else find it, and so Zoya was the natural choice. She'd never used it before, and you had never lost your key and needed to retrieve the spare.

The door closes and locks behind her, and then she's strutting towards the bathroom door, swinging it open. You don't even glance at her. "Leave Zoya, I don't want to talk."

"Well I do," she says, grabbing a stool and sitting next to the tub.

"Come to talk about how much better you are than me? How much stronger? As if I need the reminder," you spit, raising your head to level a glare at her. You wouldn't be this angry if she weren't here to take it. You rarely fight with her, usually opting to keep quiet. But paired with the realization that you're in love with her, her attitude has hurt you worse than ever before. The woman you love, thinking you're weak.

Zoya sighs, frustrated, shaking her head. "No, Y/N. Damnit, I'm sorry, okay?"

You scoff. "I came here to take a bath and relax. I want to forget about it."

"Well, I don't!" she exclaims. "Can you just let me apologize, please?"

It's obvious that she won't give in. You roll your eyes, close them, then rest your head back on the lip of the tub. You wave your hand, as a dismissal, but Zoya takes it as a 'go on.'

"I'm really sorry, Y/N. You know I never apologize," and yes, that's true, rarely does Zoya say she's sorry. "I get too jealous, I'm too quick to anger, I know that. You don't deserve it."

She pauses, but you don't answer, you don't move.

She sighs, and starts again. "I don't think I'm better than you, I never have."

And you laugh, though it's humorless. "Yes, you have, Zoya."

She groans. "Okay, yeah, back when I was a lot meaner than I am now and I thought I was better than everyone..." her voice trails off, "but never you, not anymore," she finishes. Her tone is tender, her voice gone quiet.

Your stomach flutters, but you don't react, not willing to show her how her words affect you.

"Y/N, I'm serious. I don't think I'm better than you. You're the strongest person I know, and not just in Grisha power. You're an excellent teacher, and the Grisha are lucky to have you. They need you more than they need me, so please don't beat yourself up because I said something rude in frustration. I'm sorry, Y/N."

And you really do believe her. Zoya can't fake anything, not an emotion, a sentiment, an opinion. She sounds genuinely sincere and sorry.

You sigh, and lift your head again to look at her. "Thank you, Zoya, I appreciate it."

She smiles. "Am I forgiven?"

You nod, and you drop your eyes from her gaze. "Yes, yes, you're forgiven... but, I really do just want to be alone right now."

You don't even have to look at her to know that her smile drops, it's evident in her voice. "Oh, okay... yeah, of course. I'll see you later, though? At dinner?"

Now, you smile at her, it's small and not true. "Yeah, I'll be at dinner."

And with that, Zoya gets up and leaves. She doesn't look back at you as she closes the bathroom door, and you hear her lock your bedroom back up before you're sinking deeper into the tub, hoping that finally, you'll get to relax.

---

After the bath, a bit of paperwork, a nap, and your meeting, it's time for anyone in the Palace choosing a kitchen dinner to gather in the dining hall. You purposefully go late, not wanting it to be too crowded, and you don't fail to notice how Zoya did not come to your room for the two of you to go together, as she typically would.

Though it makes you a bit sad, you are the one that sent her away earlier, and you are the one that wants to nip your intimate relationship in the bud before you get too hurt.

You slip out of your room, lock the door, and make your way to the dining hall. You nod pleasantly at those that you see along the way, but you don't engage in conversation. You wonder if Zoya is even still there, perhaps she decided not to wait for you.

But, you instantly spot her blue kefta when you walk in, her curly black hair. It's impossible to not notice her, when she's all you can think about.

And she notices you, too. Like she'd been watching the entrance, waiting for you to arrive. She smiles, and you make your way over, taking the seat next to her.

"Hey," you greet her, grabbing a plate and filling it.

"Are you feeling better?" She asks. When you give her a confused glance, she says, "I know you're stressed, beyond our... fight," she says quietly, like she doesn't even want to mention that you two had an argument, "and I'm... I'm worried. Are you alright?"

And again, your chest pangs at the sincerity. The concern. You thought she hadn't noticed you pulling away, thought she didn't care. But clearly, she has.

You smile at her, and nod, shoveling a scoop of rice into your mouth. "Yeah, I'm fine," you say, mouth full of food.

She nods, but doesn't look convinced.

Dinner continues in amicable silence, occasionally interrupted by comments from one of you, about training the next day, missions coming up, general Palace gossip.

You're nearly done with your plate when you feel Zoya's hand on your thigh. You jump a bit, and look at her quickly. She smirks, and shrugs. You give her an awkward smile, and place your hand atop hers, stopping it from moving any higher but not removing her touch.

You both finish your food, and Zoya pulls you up by your arm the second she knows you're done.

She pulls you out into the hallway, as you repeatedly ask what she's doing. She looks over her shoulder, smiling, beautiful and happy, and shushes you playfully.

When you spot where she's taking you, you grow nervous. She's headed straight for a particular closet that you two have... had several dalliances in over the past year.

She opens the door, pulls you in, checks that no one was looking, and then shuts the door behind her.

Instantly, she's pushing you up against the wall, hands on your waist. She leans into your face, lips hovering above your own. She smirks. "Let me make you feel better," and then she's kissing you.

And you kiss her back, though you know you shouldn't. Your mind is roaring at you, your heart clenching.

She moans into the kiss, and your tongues begin to dance, tasting one another. This is familiar, this is fun, this is simple and easy. Except it's not. Not anymore. Not for you, at least.

Her hands slip behind you, cupping your ass, rubbing your back, your ribs. One hand slips between your thighs, and that's what makes you gasp, what makes you pull away.

Zoya would never, ever, make you uncomfortable. So she pulls back. She looks at you, hurt and confused. "What's wrong?"

You start breathing hard, terrified to have this conversation. You stutter and stammer. "I-I... I'm sorry.. I..."

Her brows furrow, and she takes in your panicked state. "Y/N, what's happening?"

You begin pulling at your kefta, straightening it. You refuse to look at her. You pace the closet briefly, wringing your hands. "I-I'm sorry, Zoya, I j-just... I can't.. we.. we have to.. stop," Zoya doesn't flinch. She just stares. "This.. it has to end.. I-I'm sorry," you rush out, then you flee the room like a coward.

You don't hear the door open behind you, meaning, Zoya is not following you. She's not chasing you for answers. She knows what you meant.

You rush towards your bedroom before the tears can fall.

The minutes the door is shut, you burst into a sob, dropping to the floor. The hurt on her face... the one thing you never wanted was to lose her friendship. And it seems like that's exactly what you've done.

---

You sleep restlessly, tossing, turning, crying, even. You had immediately undressed, once you picked yourself up off the floor, turned out the lights, and climbed into bed.

The pillow is tear-stained, blankets crumpled around you. Your head pounds from the stress, and your heart feels like its been cleaved in two. You have work with Zoya in the morning, the two of you are set to leave for field work in just a few weeks, she's the only person you sit with at meals. In your panic, you had completely changed how you'll have to function for the rest of your long life.

You wondered if Zoya was just as upset as you. If she mourned your friendship the second you fled. Or, if she'd already found someone else to share her bed with. It was a bitter thought, and you felt bad for it.

And then, your doorknob jiggles. You sit straight up in bed, furiously wiping your eyes. Your stomach sinks in dread, wondering who could be breaking into your room in the middle of the night?

It looks and sounds like someone's struggling with the knob, like they aren't sure how to work one. You'd laugh, if you weren't scared.

You pull the covers off, climb out of bed, and before you can grab a weapon, a flimsy butter knife you'd sliced some fruits with earlier, the door finally unlatches and swings open.

You gasp, and go to charge at the intruder, when you realize the stumbling figure is Zoya. For the second time in the span of a day, she's let herself into your room.

You stare, dumbfounded, as she clumsily slams the door behind her, and locks it.

"What are you doing...?" You ask, trailing off in utter confusion. You set the knife down and cross your arms.

She turns to you, her face full of rage and hurt.

"Coming to see who you're fuck-" she breaks off in a hiccup, "f-fucking tonight."

It dawns on you. "You're drunk," you spit, rolling your eyes, ignoring her hateful comment.

She rolls her eyes right back, far more dramatically. "Astute observation."

"Damnit, Zoya! Why are you doing this to me today?" You're seething, pissed off that she interrupted the sleep you weren't getting, that she's making your heart pound simply by being in the same room, that she has you worried for her, because she doesn't typically drink, especially when she's supposed to be up so early in the morning.

"To you?" she rages, hiccuping again before she takes a few steps towards you. "And what exactly have I done to you? Have I stopped talking to you?" she takes another step. "Have I stopped looking you in the saints damned eyes?" another step. "Have I stopped hanging out with you?" her voice cracks, and again, she steps closer.

You back up until you hit your dresser, and your lower lip trembles as she drills into you.

"Have I started fucking you, then leaving right after, like nothing happened?" she spits. Now, she's right in front of you, finger pointed, accusatory.

She takes one more step, until she's in your face. In the dim light, you can see the tears in her beautiful blue eyes. "I haven't done shit to you," she whispers, and the tears fall. "I-I apologized, for earlier, and then you act like you're disgusted by me."

She stares at you, but you say nothing. Her hand lowers, she stands up straighter. "So, I came to see who my replacement is." Her tone is matter-of-fact, like the only possible way you could leave her would be if you had found someone new.

"Z-Zoya..." you cry, a bit ashamed now that she'd pointed out how you'd been treating her. In an effort to protect your own heart, you'd been hurting her. You hadn't realized.

"Zoya," you start again, taking a deep breath. 'I-It's not like that," she cuts you off with a bitter laugh.

"I know exactly what it's like," she whispers.

"I never, e-ever, wanted to hurt you, Zoya," you cry, reaching to grab her arm. She jerks out of your reach, she stumbles at the movement, then straightens herself back out.

Her rejection stings. "I... it's... it's complicated, Zoya, but I am so sorry," you try and reach for her again, and this time, she lets you. You grab her arms, and realize she reeks of Kvas. "Let me put you to bed, you're drunk."

She shakes her head, a frown on her face. "So you can leave in the middle of the night?" she scoffs. "I'm not that drunk, anyway."

You sigh, heart heavy. "You're my best friend, Zoya, hurting you... that was never my intent. But I can't.... I can't talk about it."

She pulls out of your grasp, sits on the bed. She hangs her head, and the room is silent for a moment. She wipes her face with her hands.

"Tell me, don't talk to me like I'm stupid, stop running around in circles," she says, and you grimace.

"I have never thought you were stupid," you tell her, frustrated that every thing is going so, so wrong.

She looks up at you, her face miserable. "Then fucking tell me. What did I do to deserve this?" her voice fades to a whisper, and she starts to cry again. Silent tears, you wonder if she even knows she's crying.

"I can't," you whimper, sitting next to her.

"Can't, or won't?"

And that breaks you.

"You'll hate me, Zoya, we'll never be friends again," you whisper into the dim room, the tension winding around the both of you like a restraint.

"I would never," she hiccups again, and if the situation weren't so dire, you'd laugh at the timing. "I'd never hate you," and her tone leaves little room for argument.

You don't respond, eyes on your hands, picking at your nails. She stops your movements, placing her hand on yours. It reminds you of all those times she scolded you for the habit, telling you your fingers would hurt if you kept at it. A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth, but it never comes to fruition, the weight of losing Zoya for good too heavy for any other feelings.

Zoya fills the silence. "I... if I leave, and you don't tell me what's going on... what I did... we won't come back from it."

At the threat, your resolve crumbles. You sob. "Damnit, Zoya, why are you making me do this?" you look at her, your face devastated in anger and heartbreak.

Zoya doesn't respond. Doesn't answer, doesn't stop you. She just stares, eyes glazed over with both alcohol and tears. Her cheeks are flushed and stained with dried tears. She makes no move to wipe them, too afraid to break the spell.

Your heart is pounding, hands clammy and shaking.

"Zoya.. I-I am... I'm fucking in love with you," you gasp, and squeeze your eyes shut, unable to see the physical rejection you're sure she's going to put you through.

Yet, her hand doesn't move. She doesn't stop touching you.

She takes a sharp inhale, and it's the only other sound in the room other than your quiet crying.

"I-I'm sorry, Zoya. I-I didn't want to ruin anything, so I-I just never said anything," you take a few heaving breaths before continuing, "and I s-still ruined it a-all, didn't I?"

You cry, and cry, struggling to breathe. Never, not once, have you felt such visceral heartbreak and pain. You wonder if you'll survive it.

"I know I wasn't," you sniffle, "wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, but I did, I can't help it, and I-"

And then, you're being cut off by Zoya's hands grabbing your face, her lips landing on your own.

You're so surprised for a moment, you don't even move, your eyes wide. And then, you kiss her back. Eyes fluttering closed, your lips move with hers in a tender, slow kiss. Your heart flutters, the pain gently ebbing away.

She pulls back and looks at you. "You're in love with me?"

You nod. She kisses you again, quick and soft. You stare at her, stunned.

"You love me, and you didn't tell me?" she says, a bit hurt, though she sounds relieved. She's cupping your face, and one of her thumbs starts stroking your cheekbone.

"H-how was I supposed to?"

Zoya shakes her head in disbelief. "I..." she stops, like she's gathering her thoughts. "All of this... all of this, because you're in love with me."

You feel embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Zoya."

Her eyes widen. "Don't be sorry, you fool," and your brows furrow in confusion. She kisses you again, then mumbles against your lips, "I love you, too."

---

A/N: This ended up being longer than I intended, oops! I also went the angst to fluff route, hope that's okay!

71 notes · View notes

witchthewriter · 2 years

Note

hello! could you do a few headcanons on being zoya's little sister and falling in love with genya, please? like, zoya isn't happy at first, but eventually supports you? thanks anyway!

𝐙𝐨𝐲𝐚'𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐲𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ female, half-Suli, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

a/n: thank you so much for your patience. I’m sorry this took me so long.

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ

🌿ESFJ 🍁Ravenclaw 📜Neutral Good 🔮Saggitarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aries Rising

・Zoya despised Genya; she thought the red-head was pompous; that she didn’t deserve to call herself Grisha. Harsh, I know. So that’s why you were so hesitant to tell your sister about your relationship.

・You had met Genya while at the Little Palace. You were sent a year after Zoya, your older sister to whom you had a rocky relationship with.

・Trying your best to take the topic of the King out of Genya’s mind

・Getting truly upset when she tells you what happens with him. You have a rush of emotions and it takes all your will-power not to march to the King’s quarters and kill him.

・Genya only told you because she didn’t want to keep a secret from you

・Sneaking into Genya’s room (she doesn’t have any roommates.)

・Although Genya is a tad emotionally stunted...

・Genya loves kissing your neck; love bites, hickies

・Little dates amongst the grounds. You both really like nature, so you have a lot of picnics

・Making fun of the King and Queen

・Being suspicious of the Darkling since he makes Genya be so close to the King, knowing what he does

・Massaging Genya’s scalp

・And her shoulders (she gets stressed easily)

・Seeing a different side to her then others do

・Everyone accepts her a bit more when you and Zoya show her kindness

・She has so much love for you that it feels overwhelming. Her heart constantly feels full whenever she thinks of you.

・Flirty as fck with you

・You wanted Genya to know that you’d always be in her corner, so you went public with your relationship.

・Zoya ... was ... ugh... pissed.

“Her? Out of every Grisha, you chose HER?”

“Zoya please, watch your mouth,” you warned. Knowing that she would be angry, you were ready for a fight.

・Zoya gave you the silent treatment

・But Genya couldn’t love you any more than she did in that moment

・Zoya going to Genya and having a talk with her

“If you hurt my sister, you’ll wish for death after I’m done with you.”

“If I hurt Y/N, I’ll beg you to kill me anyway.”

・Genya using her tailoring powers on Zoya to sweeten her up

・She wants to gift you so many things, but doesn’t have a lot of money. You don’t want, nor expect anything. You just love her company.

・Relationship Tropes:

✧ Pure Lookin’ (but hella shady) (you) x Scary Lookin’ (but actually a softie) (genya)

✧ Awkward Friends Pining For Each Other

✧ Always Ready To Throw Down For One Another

・You love it when she uses her power on you. Genya always says you don’t need it, but you love how easy she makes a makeup look.

・It took a while but Zoya eventually came around. Her stubbornness turned into kindness.

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stromuprisahat · 2 months

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Something I'm always going to hate about Rule of Wolves (among a lot of things), is the way the supposedly good characters like Zoya brought up Baghra's suicide as if it was supposedly a good thing. Aside from the really gross misinterpretation of that event, I just think it's really insensitive for the good characters to use that to insult the Darkling. They don't like him or agree with him? Fine. But don't speak about his mother's death like that.

I think one of the worst issue of KoS's alleged heroes is an actual lack of empathy.

Sure, they like to name victims they personally knew, but not only they fail to consider wider picture, the way they're treating Aleksander- even when he's entirely powerless- is beyond abominable.

One of the characteristics of developed, humanitarian societies tends to be that they treat even their prisoners humanely. Denying someone suitable clothes, or even proper sleeping light conditions isn't something I'd expect from characters labeled as morally "good". That puts the bar regarding their "sensitivity" pretty low.

Zoya happens to be in possession of gigantic mommy AND daddy issues, inclination to idolize victimhood etc. etc. You cannot expect her to be even slightly objective about her abusive Mommy 2.0 beloved teacher. Especially is she happens to be related to her "neglectful" Daddy 2.0 "country's worst enemy LOL". You have to remember Zoya's own mother was rather terrible, yet she got kicked out of her life after doing something so traumatizing, it was unforgivable even for the unloved child. Baghra never did anything that would force Zoya to reconsider her view on her, never tried to sell her off to anyone.

For me, heroes should be people striving to do better for its own sake, that includes kindness and empathy. You don't have to turn the other cheek, but you shouldn't overlook one person's fault to put them on a pedestal only to kick another, while they're down.

#reply #Grishaverse #grishanalyticritical #The Darkling #Baghra Morozova #Zoya Nazyalensky #The Righteous Gang™#Rule of Wolves #anti Zoya #anti Baghra

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helenvader · 1 year

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"Now... you know sacrifice."

"Beyond everything you've ever known."

This scene takes place where LUDA died.

Why did he never try to tell her about it? I know, because the writers didn't write it. But it makes no sense. Everybody WOULD try to explain.

...

Tamar is so annoying. And she doesn't even look like she belongs to the show, she looks weirdly modern?

...

Plot armor in the interior fight with the shadow monster was incredibly strong...

...

"Let me carry the hatred of this world." - ok, at least SOMETHING. But Alina doesn't get it. Of course.

Why couldn't they make him sympathetic BEFORE his dying scene?

...

Not the meadow again...

...

Sasha is dead for a minute and Alina already used merzost. Notice that he didn't use it to resurrect the woman he loved when he created the Fold. He used it so as to SAVE GRISHA. He used it for others. She used it for herself.

...

"I don't want any heretics to find his body and make a martyr's relic of it"

WHAT? She's such a self-important bitch. He ASKED you to do it. You have to twist everything, don't you?

...

How can Kaz know poetry that Tolya quotes? Do they teach it on the streets of the Barrel?

...

Genya really was reduced to a victim. But is David dead? People killed by the shadow monsters do not disappear. He might be alive. And I hope he is!

...

"You both have every right." What bloody right do Zoya and Genya have to burn Sasha? Burning him is not revenge, it's what he bloody wanted to avoid his body to be misused.

I feel so sad for him. Finally. Finally something made me feel something.

...

Oh no, a speech? Please no.

...

Fjerdans looking at the Fold that is no more. Yay! Now they can enter Ravka from anywhere.

...

Ha! A bee! Ha!

...

Isn't a privateer basically a pirate licensed by the government to capture enemy ships, allowed to keep the spoils in return? Why do they need one?

...

No. Don't spoil Kanej. Taken out of the book context, what Inej says sounds like she only cares about the physical part of love. :-(

...

Mal being Sturmhond is like Dread Pirate Rogers from Princess Bride. 🤣

...

Oh I see, privateer as in "spy". Maybe slaver ship hunter, too? I can accept that!

...

Mal in teal frock! 🙃

...

Ah, yes. Slaver ship hunter. I do like that!

...

How can King of Ravka give pardon to a Kerch prisoner?

Except it didn't work anyway.

...

The Apparat!

...

Sobachka is a monster, as expected. :-(

...

Alina *so* doesn't deserve Nikolai.

...

Enter Zoya and Genya, the new nobility as it seems. Including shallow conversations. Oh wow, a refuge. That has been done before, hasn't it? Oh, but that doesn't count. It was evil when Sasha did it. At a much higher risk.

Doing away with coloured keftas is important, yes.

So Shu Han is suddenly just "estranged"?

WHAT DRUGS DID THE WRITERS TAKE?

...

Triumvirate indeed.

...

Isn't the Lantsov banner light blue? But maybe it's just a coronation thing.

...

Jurda parem.

Impressively gory.

Alina, that was some smirk. Not walking the same path as Sasha? Just look at your face.

A great ending. Too bad so much of the show was meh.

#sab s2 live commentary #anti alina starkov

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belle-keys · 1 year

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my thoughts on shadow & bone season 2

okay, i finished late last night and had a blast watching this. we'll see if it gets canceled or not (it might). but oh my god i had so much fun even though i was like hmm at some things. here's some of my thoughts and impressions in case you would like to feel #seen.

don't @ me about dark!alina. i like it. i love it. i've always wanted a corrupt alina. i've been a darklina shipper for a hot minute and while that wouldn't have made sense to do in the show, a dark!alina does make sense and it deepens her character imo. the use of the merzost had major consequences for her and i love that. aleksander and baghra did warn her, and she didn't listen. and now we get payoff. this is how you write powerful characters!!!

paddy gibson was a great nikolai like come @ me and i will defend this man. alina’s interactions with him, tolya, and tamar were awesome like it felt very natural.

the spirit of cillian murphy possessed my man freddy carter in episode 4 like idk mans was giving me the kaz i had expected from season 1 ong he was not playing in that pekka rollins scene, like he stole so much of the show for me i loved it and i just got chills seeing the kaz we know and tolerate clearly living deep down under freddy's skin.

matthias spent the whole season in jail to simply remain in jail for the whole season and not end the season out of jail despite spending a whole season in jail despite jail being all he did for the season despite-

when aleksander was choking alina and telling her how much he wanted to destroy her and had her pressed up against that table and was muttering evil nothings into her ear? i felt that.

ben was excellent as well in this season as we expected, but as i previously noted, this entire season was identical in both fundamental and superficial ways to billy russo’s season 2 in the punisher like i can’t make this shit up. as soon as daddie darkie opened his mouth to speak, i immediately knew via osmosis what the speech’s delivery would sound like. it's just hilarious i'm sorry i'm not mad but it's just so unserious.

when zoya said "that one's a mess. i can fix him"??? i felt that shit so hard like meee finally a female character to represent meee

we did not need reminders that tolya loves poems 100 times we get it like cmon do more with your side characters if you're gonna make them quip every two seconds.

i will not lie, i’m so happy with how they incorporated the crows into the main story like it really felt like a fun epic fantasy series with different levels you gotta beat until you fight the boss (daddy darkie), like there’s so many interwoven plots and arcs and every time a scene switched i’d be like the leondardo dicaprio pointing at his tv meme i got chills watching everything come together the way it did, i think they really succeeded in making you (me) ooh and ahh this season.

the fight scenes gave me chills like the grisha powers being brought to life like that? slayed. the musical score and the special effects and the cinematography? popped off. the crows bringing guns to a grisha fight? never before seen. inej slicing up daddy darkie monsters? extraordinary. shit had me breaking out in chills.

i think besides kaz's face-off with pekka rollins in ep4, aleksander's death scene and his death monologue was the high point of the season for me. the whole "you need my darkness to balance your light thing"? the whole "let me be your monster so you don't have to" thing? literally took my breath away. he encapsulated every thing i loved about the darkling's character so well and his relationship with alina. he did warn her that she needed him for balance within herself and she just couldn't accept that. now she'll get what he was on to the whole time. it's amazing. it shows the darkling isn't just a character in alina's life.

i feel like splitting mal and alina up at the end wasn't... right? idk, the whole point of malina was supposed to be childhood friends-to-lovers-to-soulmates and her making this huge sacrifice for mal and then have him go away while she stays to... rule ravka??? that fell flat for me as an ending like what was the reason for that change cus i have no idea??? it makes sense from an irl perspective but idk what the showrunners were going for with that.

jessie mei li cannot act. i am not some tv and film expert. but this girl just cannot act. i dare you to change my mind.

oh I absolutely hate how they changed wylan and jesper's relationship. idk what was the reason for the whole "we once hooked up and forgot about each other" thing like WHAT WAS THAT HOW DID THEY MISS THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE SO BADLY IDC I CAN'T VIBE WITH IT NO-

i'm sorry on-screen kanej is still just as dry as book kanej for me like i felt nothing at all during their interactions this season, even the hallucination ones. as individuals they're great, but they made me feel absolutely nothing. not a single tingle.

if i had to cut something from the show, i'd probably either cut matthias' entire presence since he did nothing this season, or, i would cut genya and david's relationship because i do not and never did care about that pairing (or either of them as individuals tbh)

alina doing the darkling's shadow cut at the end??? i was cackling in joy like a maniac. yeah. that was a moment in time.

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vole-mon-amour · 1 year

Text

2x05, part 2.

Kaz is like, "Do I look like a person who's gonna do any of your nonsense?" And with those bruises, lmaooo. "My husband" what a sigh your 'husband' is, lmaooo. Again, she's the the only one who can pull that off. They can kinda flirt and are borderline romantic, but in reality they're such platonic pals. <3 I adore their relationship in the book.

WHEEZING. Only she can pull that off without punished for that, lmaoooo. I love how different her relationships are with Kaz and Inej. Inej is all sweet and can sleep with her head on Nina's shoulder. That's the partner she needs, not Kaz. Nina, however, can troll him as much as she wants, and will still stay out of his league. She's simply more powerful than he is and isn't intimidated by him even one bit.

I don't think Nina understands how hard this is for him. It's so rare for anyone to see the bare skin of his hands. I fully expected him to do what he is asked of without taking his gloves off. This is a very important moment. Such a rare sight. It feels weird, even, to see his hands with the gloves off.

It's like it's not even him.

Darling, put the gloves back on. :( My heart aches for him. They think it's all a joke until it's not. My question is, though, why didn't she try to slow his heartbeat? I don't remember anything about this in the book, unfortunately. She just felt how bad it was for him and maybe could've helped. But idk, if he's having trouble breathing, then the slowing his heartbeat would probably not help.

This is where I thought he'd fall into the water tbh. Bumping into so many people, with his hands bare, which also amplifies a panic attack. I'm glad Inej understood she needs to IMMEDIATELY back off. If they push that "I'll have you without your armor" bullshit, I'm gonna be very mad.

And for that moment, he's in a pile of corpses. He's five years old. Jordie is dead. He's alone in this world. He uses Jordie's corpse to stay afloat. And my heart breaks for him yet again.

Him sharing food with Jesper and Nina is so cute. Foodies. <3 I like their friendship.

Sharing those glances, that bond once again. <3 Kaz even shares a smile/a scowl with him. Jesper doesn't care. He'll endure whatever Kaz throws at him and still be so chill about it. "Now to the real talk, okie dockie?" And Kaz starts talking. Love it.

That's what I'm talking about. Wylan looks so unnatural. Baby, can you snap out of it please? On the other hand, maybe I should reread the book first before saying this. I don't remember if he's on the specter in any way. If he is, it's understandable. If he isn't, I'd love for him to be more alive and have more personality and be a valuable member of the Crows, like in CK.

WRONG. Big wrong. Oh, the book... What he felt for her, how he loved her. Matthias deserved better. ;_;

!!!

Nooo wayy??? That is truly something new. Get his ass!!

That's brutal. I don't wanna go there. I'm not ready. :(

The moment when Nikolai gives Alina his compass was nice. I remember from what I've read that they've become really good friends. I actually like seeing it in the show. I liked seeing this side of him, and it feels like they've cast a proper actor to play him? But i don't know much about him, so it's not up for me to decide. He's still good though, imo. The emerald though. It's for Zoya, isn't it? Don't remember how they end up there, but yeah.

That talk between Wylan and Jesper at the end. "Because it's not a blessing, it's a curse! And you have no idea what it's cost me." They did a lot of things about them wrong, but those words and encounters they have at their cores, both of them, had to be included. And I'm glad that they are.

Holy shit. So it IS in this episode. Jordie pulling him out, then drowning him back. It's 11 pm, I woke up at 6, how am I supposed to sleep now??? My goodness, I was waiting for this scene. Gifs!! I NEED GIFS!!!

#ninej #kaz brekker #nina zenik #kazper #wylan van eck #alina starkov #inej ghafa #sabn #natiswatching #nikolai lantsov

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naushtheaspiringauthor · 9 months

Text

~Child Of The Storm~

Nikolai Lantsov x OC

Image by - @brokendreamtale2

Warnings- Bits of violence, ptsd, traumatic flashbacks throughout the chapters

taglist- @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

..............................................................................................................................

Ch-8~Birthdays and bondings~

A few days later she remembered that her birthday was coming around. The weather had become hotter, and the kefta she had with strands of fur on the edges of the collar and a thick fabric, was now replaced by one with a much thinner and comfortable material.

She remembered her birthday of last year when Inej and Jesper had tried to bake a cake for her, but had failed miserably.

Jesper was supposed to keep track of the time and take the cake out of the oven, but he'd forgotten to do so, and the oven had caught fire.

She smiled to herself as she remembered the day. She ran a hand over her hair as she woke up on the day of her birthday. She'd expected for the day to be the same as the others as no one had knowledge of the fact that it was Anaya's birthday.

She just hoped to go by the halls at the end of the day, and have some kvas, along with the other grisha. Usually, Nadia and Marie would drag her along with them on the nights when they weren't too exhausted by the day.

Anaya went up to the mirror and took out her necklace that was hidden beneath her clothes. Her mother had made it for her, on her sixth birthday. It was an ocean coloured pendant with an aquamarine stone. It was oval shaped and covered with silver patterns on the sides. It was the only belonging she had from her mother. Her mother was a skilled fabrikator and she had made the pendant for her because she knew how fond of the sea Anaya had been.

She hated how she'd come to be afraid of the very thing she once loved. She remembered the time when she wished to see the true sea, set foot on a ship and travel faraway lands. But the experience hadn't turned out to be as jolly as she'd anticipated.

She finished up with her training and went to the dining halls during lunch.

"It's your birthday today isn't it, Nasarzareen?" Zoya came by and sat down to her left.

"It's Nasrazeen, and yes it is. How do you happen to have that information, Nakyazelensy?" She responded in a mocking tone, trying to hide how surprised she was.

Zoya rolled her eyes, not bothering to correct her. "I tend to remember details about my enemies" she responded with a boastful expression

"Huh, well, whatever" Anaya looked away with an uninterested look

"I know your face is just built that way, but what has gotten you in such a mood?"

"Ugh you wouldn't believe the kinds of torture Baghra does. The other day, I couldn't summon a hurricane so she pushed me into the lake" remembering the events made the burning sensation return back to Anaya

"She pushed you into the lake?" Zoya asked with her eyebrows raised. It was one of the rare moments when Anaya could see her actually have interest in something she'd said.

"She pushed me into the lake. Worst part, it actually worked"

"Oh that's nothing, she once left me outside in a thunderstorm, just so I could learn to control the winds"

"She did that?" asked Anaya with her eyes widened

"Yeah she did, and kept herself from getting wet in the slightest bit. She just stood there, and watched me suffer" Zoya complained with a slightly angered expression

"At this point, I'm so sure that this woman has something personal against us"

"Yeah it's like, she enjoys watching us suffer" They expressed their anger and resentment, agreeing with each other though they'd never admit it.

"Anyways why am I talking to you? Go away" Zoya spoke as the realization that she was agreeing with her worst rival hit her.

"Huh, why would I go away? You sat here" Anaya responded as she raised an eyebrow

"Fine" Zoya rolled her eyes as she went away to a farther seat.

................................................................

Anaya rested her head sideways on her wrist, as she read the book in front of her. She sat in the library at her usual place by the window. She was too indulged in the book to notice someone entering the library.

"Ah Anya, there you are. I've been looking all around for you" She heard a familiar voice from her right. She looked up from her book to see Genya standing infront of her. Before she could respond, Genya took her hand and dragged her along with her.

"I need your help with something" she said in a hurried voice

"With what?" Anaya asked in confusion

"Just, you'll see" Genya took her outside of the Little Palace and all the way to the gardens. It took her a moment to realize that they were moving towards the Grand Palace.

"Genya why are you taking me to the Grand Palace!?" Anaya's eyes widened

"I've been working on something and I wanted to test it on you" They went inside the enormous gates of the grand palace. The grand palace was certainly bigger than the little palace with bigger rooms, hallways and the surroundings were shinier. It was the residence to the royal family of the Lantsovs along with their guards and staff.

"So, you want to use me as an experiment?" Anaya raised an eyebrow

"In a way, but only to make you look better"

"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" She gasped dramatically

"No, of course not. But your hair could be better" Genya replied with a teasing grin

Anaya furrowed her eyebrows as she went along with Genya. As they passed along a chamber that looked somewhat like a study. Anaya slightly peered her head to get a view of the area.

The room had several small shelves that contained various books and documents. There was a table in the center and several maps and documents were spread on it. Infront of it, there was a boy standing with his back facing Anaya.

He was dressed in a plain white shirt with a tawny vest, and his sleeves were rolled up. He had golden hair that shone perfectly in the rays of sunlight. Before Anaya could take any further action, Genya grabbed her hand and dragged her along. "Come on, let's go"

Genya showed her to her chambers. She was a member of the Queen's personal staff so she'd acquired a personal chamber in the Grand Palace.

She gestured Anaya to sit infront of her vanity and opened a box filled with several different potion-like things and something wierd in a few small jars. Anaya looked at it with a disgusted look.

"Those are cells, human cells. They are used in tailoring faces" Genya said, as she noticed Anaya's expression."Don't worry, I'm not going to change your face. There's this new thing I have been working on. It can help change hair colours with lesser effort and more efficiently"

"So you want to use me as an experiment?"

"Precisely, yes"

"Fine, but if you ruin my glorious hair, I will haunt you in your dreams Genya"

"Yeah yeah, don't worry. I'll change it back to the way it was. Probably make it better" She spoke out the last part in a lower voice

Anaya allowed Genya to continue. The whole thing lasted for a while and even though she hated to admit, Genya actually made her look better.

In the evening, she went to the tannery to sit in silence and have some kvas. She went back to her chambers, some time after midnight to have some rest. She sat near her window and read a book for some time before finally going to bed.

......................................................................

She was looking all around her in her soaked clothes, in hopes of finding someone who was still breathing.

"You did this" her mother spoke from behind her

"We are so very disappointed in you, Anaya. You have failed us" her father joined her

"What use would you be of, when you couldn't even excel in your own abilities?" He continued

"I'm really sorry, I'm- I'm trying to improve I really am" Anaya responded helplessly

"You are a disgrace" her mother spat back at her

"You're a mistake"

"No please"

"You don't deserve to be here"

"Stop, please stop"

"You deserve to rot in those filthy slums"

"Useless brat"

They continued to yell. She felt like the world was closing up on her as her ears started ringing and her body began to tremble. She covered her ears with her hands.

"Stop!" She screamed loudly

She was jolted awake as she looked around her with panicked breaths. Her throat felt like it had closed up and she'd lost the ability to breathe. Her heart began to beat rapidly, as if it was going to tear it's way out of her chest.

She looked around to realize that she was still in her chambers, surrounded by the dimly lit candles near her bed. Her breathing began to slow down. She had never been more thankful to be here than she was at the moment.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lantsov x oc

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bi-bard · 11 months

Text

I’m Fine, You’re Fine, I’m Just Freaking Out - Zoya Nazyalensky Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: I’m Fine, You’re Fine, I’m Just Freaking Out

Pairing: Zoya Nazyalensky X Reader

Word Count: 1,347 words

Warning(s): none that I know of (feel free to correct me)

Summary: [Inspired by "Pretty Nervous" by Ahli] Zoya had grown somewhat accustomed to people being nervous around her. It was usually people being intimidated by her. However, when she meets (Y/n), she immediately recognizes their nerves as something very different... which made them very entertaining.

Author's Note: Something, something, I'm a raging bisexual, something, something, something.

----------------------

I think that my feelings about Zoya started during training.

We had been assigned to fight each other.

I could remember my friends' nervous faces as I stepped forward. Zoya's power and skill were never a secret. Everyone knew. It was part of why she walked around the Little Palace with her head held high and a smirk on her face.

I was scared. Of course, I was scared.

I tried to get out of my own head. We had gone through the same training. All I had to do was use that training properly.

I held my own longer than I think anyone had ever expected me to... but I still didn't win.

I ended up thrown onto my back, the air knocked out of me for a moment. As I took a moment to catch my breath, Zoya walked over and knelt down next to me. She tilted her head, that smirk decorating her face as her eyes scanned me.

"It's alright," she said in a fake sweet voice. "You did your best."

I felt my face heating up as my heart rate shot up. I couldn't help it. She had said six words and it turned me into nothing short of a complete mess.

She seemed amused at my obvious nervousness. She let out a very quiet chuckle before pushing herself up and going to walk away.

One of my friends ran over and grabbed my hands to help pull me up. "Are you alright?"

I continued looking at Zoya as she continued walking away. I mindlessly nodded at them. "I'm fine."

Over time, my feelings for her only got stronger.

Much of it was her fault.

She started talking to me more and spending more time with me. I was convinced that she knew much more about my feelings than she ever admitted.

I thought that she enjoyed the attention and the way that my being nervous made her feel.

I was embarrassed about how I felt. I had assumed that I was going to get over it all soon enough, but it just wouldn't change. I just continued being a complete mess around her.

I assumed that nothing was shared. I assumed that she saw me as something close to a pitiful small animal that allowed her to have some kind of confidence boost.

I never thought that I'd be proven wrong.

Until one day.

I was passing Zoya on my way to training.

She was standing at a window looking out at the training area. She seemed to have her eyes fixed on their form. It wasn't uncommon to see.

I didn't think she even noticed my presence in the hall, never mind how I paused for a moment to admire how the sun danced on her skin. I shook my head a bit as I forced myself to pass her and get on with the rest of my day.

"(Y/n)."

I stopped immediately, turning around to look at her. "Yes, Zoya?"

"Why does the training field look so different today?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and walked over, looking out the window. I chuckled a bit. "People are smiling more."

"Why?"

"Kirigan isn't around," I shrugged. He had been away from the Little Palace for a few days. "He has a tendency to make everyone more tense than usual. No one feels safe enough to even breathe incorrectly."

"Is that right," she asked.

"I think so."

"It isn't because I'm not there?"

I looked back at her. "I don't think so."

"I do," she admitted.

"I don't think that's a particularly bad thing," I shrugged. "I'd give anything to be half as intimidating as you."

"It's nice to know that this change isn't due to people's simple dislike of me."

"I think many people are scared of your power and won't admit it," I said, shrugging a bit.

"Are you," Zoya asked.

"Not of your power," I answered, not truly thinking about it before the words left my mouth.

"You're scared of me for another reason?"

My heart stopped for a moment. I truly just moved back and forth between thinking too much to not thinking at all.

"What is it?" the smirk on her face my heart speed up and my face warm up.

I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't have the bravery to offer it. I stood there in this stunned silence where my secret was not truly out, yet its reveal felt entirely unavoidable.

"Tell me," she pushed.

"It's nothing," I shook my head. "I promise."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, that is not my fault, is it?" I replied.

"You truly won't tell me?"

"Will you truly just worry your pretty head off about it?"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You find me pretty?"

"No... I mean, yes," I closed my eyes for a moment.

I say again: thinking too much or not at all.

"Great start," Zoya teased. "Try again... do you find me pretty?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes, I do but I think you're a lot more than that. I think you're pretty and clever and strong and a very, very good fighter. Honestly, I'm kind of jealous about that bit-"

"So... you have feelings for me?"

That seemed to send any coherent thought scattering. "I just- well- you see- I-"

Her smirk only seemed to grow as she watched me stumble over my words. She slowly stepped closer to me, causing me to stumble back in the hopes of respecting her space. I assumed that she was going to walk away and leave me with my embarrassment.

She didn't.

Instead, she continued walking closer to me until I felt my back bump against the wall. My nervous rambling died on my tongue as I realized how close we truly were.

"Are you alright," she asked as if she wasn't still wearing that knowing smirk on her face.

I nodded, not having a single word left in my vocabulary.

"Are you sure?"

Another nod.

She chuckled and nodded back at me. "Good..."

I stood completely still. I was still waiting for her to walk away and leave me begging the ground to swallow me whole. I thought that she was just trying to find some kind of reason to tease me. There was little hiding the truth now. The chances of my becoming a subject of ridicule felt as if they were growing exponentially.

But she didn't.

Instead, Zoya stepped even closer before glancing around the hall. Once seeing that the area was empty, she leaned forward and let her lips brush mine.

My heart felt like it was in my throat. My breathing was unsteady, and my face was warm enough that I felt as if it could light a candle with my skin.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

"What?"

"Kiss. me."

I paused for a few moments longer. As soon as Zoya went to lean away, I reacted, leaning forward to press my lips to hers. I heard a quiet chuckle escape her as she kissed me back.

My hands remained firmly planted at my sides, but she had clearly been waiting for this to occur. Her hands touched my sides, pulling me closer to her.

I often wondered why she wanted me to be the one that kissed her. But every time that I thought to question it, I found myself simply being happy that it happened at all. How we got there didn't truly matter to me in this situation.

Zoya pulled away from me slowly, lips still hovering over mine. Her smirk was still there when I opened my eyes.

"Come and find me tonight," she said as she started to walk away from me.

"Why," I asked.

She paused to look at me. "Why don't you figure it out for yourself?"

I felt my face heating up all over again.

She winked at me before turning around and continuing to walk away from me.

I leaned back against the wall and let out a heavy sigh. "Saints."

That night could not come soon enough.

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#imagine #fanfiction #x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #zoya nazyanelsky imagine #zoya nazyanelsky fanfiction #zoya nazyanelsky x reader

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deathfavor · 8 months

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. There's a lot to unpack in this little section of Horo's interrogation so I'm going to break this into a few different sections because I want to dedicate time to a few big points that are actually right here.

No one in the mean streets could beat him.

I didn't really think too much on this the first time I read it. But sitting back and rereading it? We know how vicious Syndicate can be. There's lots of older people around who will attack younger groups. So Earl was probably fighting against lots of older people just as much as he was people around Horo's age or his own. And this is even AFTER extremely labor intensive work.

Which means Earl was probably once a SERIOUS threat and fighter. He was once very much on the frontlines, taking on anyone. A strategic fighter always, but he could afford to be a bit more reckless and direct about it. More like Zoya and Horor's approach. Someone no one messed with.

And then he lost his leg.

It probably was BRUTAL for Earl to go from being someone who could take down anyone and everyone who tried to mess or tease Horo, to having to relearn something as simple as how to walk again. The physical pain was awful, but there was a lot of emotional and mental pain that he didn't want Horo to have to see him deal with. A helplessness he had never faced but he also needed to be strong for Horo's sake in his mind. So he never let it show, yet it HURT. To go from a fearsome frontline fighter to having to be strategic. Sure, Earl awoke as a Sinner at that point and had powers now. But it was hard. Even now, Earl IS a capable fighter, but he's very much aware of his limitations. He's not as mobile or fast as he once was. It IS a weak point in theory (less so in practice but that's a different post). Direct combat isn't his forte like it used to be. It's a loss Earl took hard but never admitted to anyone. Instead he decided to become the best at strategy so he could crush people without having to need to fight. But sometimes? Sometimes he misses what he used to be. There's also the sad thought that Horo and maybe Zoya also had to see that shift from the front to the shadows.

He was our breadwinner

Horo mentions he's the breadwinner, which is no surprise. He's the oldest, it's both expected and what he wants to do. Horo mentions he did the work of two people. He pulled multiple shifts of labor intensive jobs because he wanted to provide for Horo. They only had each other. Sure, we know Jer was there to watch after them. But I'm sure Jer had his own family and his own needs. Earl didn't want to have to depend on people. He wanted Horo to be able to eat good food and have clothes and just...not have to struggle. If he had to work till he basically collapsed from it? So be it. Her smile was worth it, seeing her healthy and grow. Not that Earl ever turned down help, he didn't. But....he didn't want Horo to have to worry about going hungry.

And even dead tired, Earl always tried to make things better for Horo. Cook meals for them then (or some for in advance when he'd be gone) or play games or just listen to Horo tell her stories about the day (sometimes he fell asleep but he always tried!). Other times Earl would play guitar late at night just the two of them, or to help her fall asleep. Earl also learned how to do some basic stitching and mending for clothes.

He always thought that I was just a little kid who should hide behind him, and that he should shoulder everything himself.

After the loss of their parents, Earl wanted Horo to still try to be able to be a child. To not have to deal with the grueling reality and be able to laugh easily and play and dream of the stars. Which leads to this shot. It has NEVER been about Earl doubting in Horo. He DOESN'T. He knows she's capable. But Earl never wanted her to HAVE to be. Her line of That day was when I realized I must grow up quickly to help him. is EXACTLY what Earl NEVER wanted Horo to have to feel. Before the incident with losing his leg, Horo probably WAS able to enjoy being a kid. Sure, a trouble maker most likely, playing rough versus kids in East Side, but she could be a kid. She didn't have to worry about food or money or her brother potentially dying. That's what Earl wanted for her. Not her being forced to grow up, not her seeing just how bad and dangerous Earl's jobs were or what could happen.

Earl to this day still harbors an immense amount of guilt for Horo having to see him like that on the couch after losing his leg, injured to such a degree and fighting a fever and god knows what else.. Medicine is hard to come by, Earl probably had to use it very sparingly which is WHY he was kept up day and night writhing in pain on the couch. He could see and hear Horo crying and it made him feel terrible through the pain. He still tried to soothe her when he could but it was so obvious Earl was suffering while trying to take care of her. But you can't take away witnessing that. No amount of soothing would take away the image of those people carrying Earl in, of Horo realizing Earl's lost a leg, the sheer helplessness of it all.

It's probably what cause some of the tension and disagreements between them later on that are mentioned once or twice. Earl has ALWAYS fiercely loved Horo as his little sister. But...he does very much feel he has to carry everything and doesn't want to give the burden to her. As the oldest sibling in my family, I've always felt the need to be strong in front of my siblings too. You feel like you HAVE to be strong for their sake. Earl did too. He always felt he had to be the pillar, to never falter. And he did for a long time. But losing his leg hurt that, because it forced Horo to see Earl is human, and made Horo think she had to grow up and forget that childhood freedom. Earl didn't want her to, tried to dissuade her NOT because he doubted her, but just...so she didn't HAVE to choose that path if she didn't want to.

It's something that Earl struggles with in his survival verse as well. Because it's like seeing that all over again but WORSE. He's helpless and weak and Horo's crying beside him and she can't do anything again. And the threat of death is SO, SO much closer this time in the hospital bed. He feels that guilt all over again and worse when he sees Horo sobbing because he's faltered again.

Really? All Earl wants is for Horo to be happy, to live HER life how she wants to. Not because of feeling she has to, or Legion, or anything. He just...wants the best for his little sister.

#YES I FOUGHT BACK TEARS WRITING THIS #i have so many feels about them #but also just #thinking about the fact of Earl's loss of fighting prowess #that was brutal for him #on top of everything that comes with losing a limb #AND IM JUST SOBBING BC #EARL IS SUCH A GOOD BIG BROTHER #yeah hes clumsy at expressing his emotions #but gOD he cares so much for Horo #and he cares the guilt of feeling like HE'S the reason she had to grow up #and he's so so sorry for that Horo #᛭ — [HEADCANON] webs of information spun in secret [EARL]

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rosesfox · 1 year

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It's so strange to me that Leigh is heavily involved with the show and yet she allowed them to make Zoya a racist and darkling's love interest. What was even the point of that? It didn't change a thing in the show. I find leigh's writing in s&b trilogy very misogynistic with the way zoya and alina are portrayed. Zoya is that one petty girl who's jealous of the heroine's beauty (in this case her powers) and wants her man (mal) while Alina isn't even a person of her own and is constantly dragged by men in her own story.

i honestly can't find a motivation. besides being awful in its own right, zoya has a book. we know why she acted that way with alina, and it had nothing to do with her being a disgusting racist or a passionate young woman who humbles herself for her mentor's attention.

zoya was never racist. zoya, in fact, had an internal battle with her own prejudices about being a suli. zoya looked up to the darkling as a role model, someone she wanted to impress with her powers and skills. she has a lot more depth than we've been shown, and it makes no sense for the writers to have left all that out. she is the queen of ravka, the wife of one of the most beloved characters in the books. the writers should want to bring her closer to the audience, not make her as bad as possible. but, well, the writers already said that zoya was a blonde with blue eyes and that's why they couldn't find a more suitable actress. what to expect from a series like this? they clearly didn't bother reading king of scars to understand the characters they would portray. i wanted to say that I hope they improve next season, but i don't think they will.

i also agree with the misogyny part. i know grisha is a romance book, but the moment when alina develops the most is when she is away from mal, and all of her motivations are heavily based on him and his possible reactions. he actually can be quite toxic but leigh treats him like a dream male.

also, i think alina was jealous of zoya too. even when zoya was clearly on alina's side, she kept looking for reasons to distrust her. even when zoya tried to be nice, alina had a whole attitude about it. it was a very gratuitous female rivalry, and i'm glad that leigh moved on from that phase and developed better romances and friendships.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone tv #shadow and bone season 2 #zoya nazyanelsky #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #zoyalai #shadow and bone #king of scars

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m0tel6mxzzy · 1 year

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I'm watching the new GG and it's horrible but I still be watching. I am excited for the inclusion of a diverse cast, but I am also kinda concerned because as much as I honestly do want to see POC be rich and be assholes, there should be a point where they do talk about race. Even with the old GG, I wish they would've talked about race. There is a possible reality that Constance Billard was a predominantly white institution. There is a possibility that Nelly Yuki, Kati Farkas and Isabel Coates would have sadly faced forms of racism, even if it was mircoaggressions. Unless GG exists in a world where racism doesn't exist (I don't think this is true), then there is a possibility that some of the characters will face some form of being racialized. Their race will become apparent in some cases. I was excited to see Monet kinda hint at the possibility that the De Haan's still feel like they don't fit in. I honestly am really curious about Isabel Coates and what her life would have been like post CB, post BLM and going into adulthood. I know people hate making things about race, but there is a reality that we want to see consistently depicted. Maybe GG exists in a world where racism isn't apparent, and that's okay, but they would have to sorta explain that

anon i 100% am so glad u sent me this and i appreciate your ask. personally, i do think the issue kinda falls down on it being implied but not so much addressed. i think regarding monet’s talk w her mom, they are fully aware of racism they will experience as black members of predominantly white high societies that expect a sort of model minority standard to be respected. monet simply cannot get angry or emotional, hence she falls into the trope black women are often placed into as angry and erratic.

i think especially as a black girl watching, no matter ur wealth race just connects u especially in a setting like the us that has a complicated history w racism toward poc. i said in prev posts i see monet in myself the way i do ashley from fresh prince. in that show, which has an all black cast, race and it’s ties to black culture was always discussed and ashley played a part in it despite her wealth, bc at the end of the day she was a black girl and that cannot be separated from the attributes and experiences that make her her.

monet doesn’t really get much of this despite being a main character bc there’s so much focus on julien and zoya, who, despite being the only other black female mains don’t have race inferred at all, really. i see a similar issue w rue from euphoria, her race is never mentioned at all but being black as well as dealing w mental illness and drug addiction and not fitting the model minority in a family w a mom who has high expectations of her is bound to get to her. i have no idea what it’s like to be a biracial black girl, but i do notice when it comes to black female characters who are, their blackness is seen as sort of an afterthought??? it is just never addressed. and even w zoya and julien i find that strange bc when ur black in a predominantly white area like constance u just KNOW. lmao. u know. so it also pisses me off more when audrey is making classist comments on zoya when it’s incredibly possible her wealth could’ve been built of the backs of black ppl than when monet is. her only growth so far in my opinion is w makidrey and i get so annoyed seeing her belittle zoya covertly just bc all her friends are while claiming she doesn’t care abt the status quo (monet has to bc it’s her only way to further advance in a society that already expects so much of her for her race.)

i think that’s exactly why camille is so strict on monet—monet does not live up to that especially with her grades/bribery/scandals, whereas audrey and max simply do not have this pressure due to already being accepted for their race. they tend to be able to get away w a lot more than the poc in the group bc they were not raised to adhere to certain non-eurocentric cultural standards, they were raised to assimilate to preserve their cultures in high society. all characters like audrey/blair/serena know is high society w no negative racial connotation.

tldr: put black writers in the writers room and give the black actors more ability to add race into the context of their character and maybe we’ll get somewhere????

#monet de haan #ggrb #gghbo #gossip girl hbo #gossip girl #anon asks

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zoyaofthegardvn · 1 year

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casual affections as a zoyalina fanfic request <3

Casual Affections

A/N: Thanks so much for your request, anon! So sorry I didn't get to it for a while. I hope this is alright! :)

Turning to look towards her wife, Zoya has to fight the smile threatening to overcome her face when she spots the unmistakable look of Alina Starkov zoning out. It's adorable, really. Her eyes are fixated on the centerpiece of the long council table. Her lips are in a straight line, absent is the shy smirk she usually adorns when it's just the two of them alone. Her eyebrows are furrowed slightly, and her chest rises and falls so slowly, she's likely to fall asleep.

Zoya feels the same way, bored to near tears with these weekly council meetings. Being the Queen of Ravka is fun, yes. But, it's also quite boring. She supposes she should be thankful for the boredom, though. It means there aren't any wars to be won, any backhanded proposals to consider, any disrupted trade routes, any grand disturbances. They discuss the same things nearly every week. Taxes, court promotions, public education, First Army and Second Army training, etc. etc.

As Queen Consort, Alina is expected to attend these meetings, too. Sometimes, Zoya lets her get away with skipping them. She'll claim she's got a lesson to teach at the school, or that she's got an important meeting to attend with the kitchen staff, of all people. She'll say she isn't feeling well, or that she needs to be there for the horses when they get their hooves cleaned or else they get nervous. Eventually, Zoya just had to resort in kissing her to shut her up. She'd pinch her butt, sharp and quick. While Alina would yelp and rub at the sore spot, Zoya would run away, laughing, shouting "You're going, my love!" But still, not as often, just every once and a while, Zoya would let Alina stay in bed, or stay at the school, or stay outside, in the forest. She'd bear almost anything in Alina's place if it made her wife happy.

Zoya sighs, knowing that as cute as she looks, others will eventually notice Alina is not paying any attention to them. She moves her left hand to rest on the top of Alina's thigh, admiring the way her wedding ring catches the light as it moves. The touch snaps Alina out of her trance, and she takes a deep breath in, shaking her head a bit to clear the fog.

She turns to look at her lover, her wife, her Queen. Zoya gives her a playful shake of the head, then squeezes her thigh, digging her nails in slightly. Alina jumps, and shoots a fierce look at Zoya. She leans in slightly before whispering, "That was mean, Z!"

Zoya can hardly contain her giggles. She whispers back, "As mean as you ignoring our council, little saint?"

Alina rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out, then turns back to face the table. They hadn't noticed the silence, everyone had stopped their chattering to observe the Ravkan Queens. From the other end of the table, Genya is shaking her head at the two of them.

Zoya clears her throat, and then she stands. "Well, my friends, I think we've not learned much more today than we did last week. Let us call an end to it, and maybe next week, we'll have things worthy of our precious time to discuss?"

At this, Alina stands quickly, her chair making a screeching sound as it gets pushed backwards. "I think what our Queen means is that, maybe we should not draw these things out unless absolutely necessary." She gives a polite, awkward laugh, trying to ease any tension. But their council is used to this by now, used to Zoya's impatience and Alina's ability to mediate any conflict.

Genya speaks next, "Yes, my Queens. Perhaps these meetings do get a bit tedious. We should work on keeping them... brief."

Zoya grasps Alina's hand in her own, rubbing her thumb along the back of her hand. "That's a wonderful idea, we'll see everyone later this evening, for dinner?" Everyone at the table nods, beginning to stand and pick up their paperwork.

Zoya gives a polite bow, then turns to leave the council room. Alina follows, their hands still intertwined. When they make it to the hallway, Alina scolds her, "You can be so bossy!"

Zoya smiles, she removes her hand from Alina's, instead choosing to wrap her arm around her beloved's waist. "Don't act like you don't like it, darling. You weren't complaining about my bossiness last night..."

Alina, never truly upset with her, throws her head back and laughs. The sound invades Zoya's heart, wrapping around it like a string, tightening her hold on her love and adoration even more than she thought possible.

"You are terrible sometimes, Zoya." She wraps her arm around Zoya too, then rests her head on her shoulder.

"I know, you're just so easy to rile up, and you know I like you riled up."

Again, that laugh fills the air. It bounces off the walls, it flutters out the open windows. It makes Zoya feel giddy and impossibly young.

"Should we retire to our room before we reconvene for supper? I think I would like to boss you around some more, you should be punished for your rudeness today, my Queen. Zoning out, it's very disrespectful, you know." Zoya doesn't even need to look at her wife to know she's likely redder than the keftas the Corporalki wear.

"Well, I suppose that would be alright..." Alina's voice has gotten deeper, quieter. It's Zoya's turn to laugh now. They continue down the long corridor, on the path that leads to their ornate bedroom. Two bodies intertwined the entire way there.

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