#...i feel very alone sometimes. like. nothing exists. like i dont exist. i feel like im watching through a screen. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fallingdownhell · 1 year

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Hi! I love your writing! :D Ive never made a request before so i hope i am in the right place haha. I'm being completely self-indulgent here... but could I get Kaeya, Wanderer, Tighnari, or Diluc ( or anyone else you may want to write for) fluff with a reader who is sweet and kind? Like they dont have a mean bone in their body, constantly compliment their s/o, cook them cute breakfast pancakes in the shape of a heart, bunny or with a smiley face,,, wear clothes that match theirs/clothes in their favorite color. Just super pure wholesome relationship shenanigans. :3 Thank you!! I hope this all made sense. And if you'd rather not write this then that's totally okay!!

First of, thank you so much for saying that. It really means a lot to me<3

Second, you're fine, it made perfect sense. I don't usually write a lot of fluff, even though I adore it, so I don't know if I'm any good at it.

But I gave it my all, so I hope something good did come out of it.

Characters Included: Diluc, Tighnari, Wanderer, Kaeya

Content: just pure fluff, nothing to worry about

Word count: 2,1k words

Thank you so much for your request. Hope you enjoy<3

Diluc

Your sweet and caring personality is a stark contrast to Diluc's own rough and closed of one, so I feel like at first, it would be a bit too much for him

He definitely has to get used to it first

He can't remember the last time he was showered in compliments that didn't regard his strength or wealth

simply just you existing, complimenting his choice of clothes, his hair or anything else, has this man speechless and sometimes, even blushing

and if you ever were to give him a... riskier compliment.. hope you enjoy watching a malfunctioning Diluc right in front of you

his face would explode in all shades of red, stuttering like crazy, trying to process what you just said

Diluc can take a bit of teasing, but don't take it too far with him or he will combust on the spot

the relationship with you also greatly improved his communication skill. He is still rather reserved and quiet, but he is a good listener and great at remembering stuff

over time, it gets easier for him to communicate about his wants and needs, what he likes and doesn't like

he can now openly talk about it with you, without fearing to upset you of feeling guilty about it, because he felt like that would be too selfish of him

everyone around you can see what a great influence you are to Diluc's everyday life

He feels much more at peace and doesn't look like he's constantly on edge, like he's about to murder the next person that comes into his line of vision

I feel like Diluc's love language would be quality time. He likes to spend time together, just the two of you. And he doesn't really care how the time is spend

It could be on a long walk, baking or cooking together in his kitchen, cuddling on the couch or the bed, he really doesn't care as long as he gets to be alone with you, no one and nothing to distract you around

invites you to permanently live with him in his mansion after only a few months of dating. Would be understanding if you told him that this would be too fast for you, but if you agree? He's over the moon, because that means he can spend every single second of the day with you when he's also at home

really grew to enjoy cuddling over the course of the relationship. Didn't see the appeal of it at the start, but now he knows why everyone is such a big fan of it

Cuddling is a must when you lay in bed together at night, he can't really sleep right anymore without you hugged close to him. He needs you right by his side

Diluc becomes more vocal a bit later on, starting to also give you compliments

overall, he needs a lot of time to settle in and feel comfortable in a relationship, but if you are willing to give him the time he needs, the rewards you'll get will be so worth it

Tighnari

Now, I may be a bit biased with him, because I love Tighnari, but I don't care

Tighnari would be a very attentive lover

he dates only with the intention of settling down and having a forever with you, so if you're not up for that, please tell him upfront so he doesn't waste his time

would take great pride if he is the sole provider for the both of you, since his instincts play a big part in that

he would take his time in a relationship, trying to ascertain if it works out between you two

feels very sure and secure in the relationship, but that doesn't mean that he never gets jealous

funnily enough, I headcanon Tighnari as one of the most jealous men ever. He knows you would never do anything to him behind his back, but he can't help his instincts. And when every little thought in his head just yells "MINE" he can't help but act on them. Don't blame him for it.

once he is sure that you are the right one for him and that he wants to spend his life with you, he would sit you down and talk to you about mating

he told you a few things about it and how he and his instincts work (because he is a hybrid and all), but he never went into too much detail

if you were to agree to becoming his life partner and mate, he would be so happy that he starts crying a bit

hugs you close to him and doesn't let you go for the entire night

He never thought that love and romance would be for him, nevertehless thought that he would ever find a mate in the first place. So excuse him for feeling overjoyed at the way his live is playing out right now

Tighnari's love language I think would be both physical touch and acts of service

he loves to pamper you and one of the best ways to do that would be to help you with household chores

every once in a while, when you decide to sleep in a bit, don't be too surprised when you wake up to the dishes from the night before being done and properly stored already.

The laundry that you washed and folded but didn't put away yet? Suddenly gone and neatly stocked in the closet.

When asking him about it, he just looks at you and goes "What? Am I not allowed to help my mate around the house a bit?"

Doesn't really expect a reward from you, but also won't complain if you give him kisses and cuddles for his help.

He really, REALLY, enjoys your cooking. Even when sometimes you make stuff he's not really into, he still eats it and every time finds something he does enjoy about the meal. But maybe that's just the effect you have on him as a whole..

Also, physical touch.. Tighnari can't go a day without touching you. It starts every morning, instisting to stay in bed for five more minutes for morning cuddles.

You're still cooking when he comes home from a long day? Hugs you from behind, kisses your neck and either helps you with the cooking, or just stays there and basks in your presence

He has to touch you in some way, shape or form every time he sees you, even if you just walk by him. He can't help it, just let him induldge, please

Wanderer

Now this man..

Hope you brought some patience with you, because you're going to need it

Before even thinking of getting into a relationship with him, you first have to earn his trust. And that's not something easily achievable

But, if you manage to do it and make him fall in love with you while doing it? Congratulations, he will be your forever loyal and loving partner from now on

He's still very bad at communicating, so maybe learn to read between the lines with him

He always acts like he doesn't like stuff that you do, but if you look closely, you can see the way he turns his head so you don't notice his red cheeks or how his tone gets a bit softer when he's embarrassed about something

In reality, he loves and appreciates everything you do for him

Even though he never fails to tell you how ridiculous you are for making his breakfast pancake into a heart-shaped form, he still quietly sits down and eats it, head turned to escape your gaze. He just hopes you'll never see how red his face gets every time

He once saw a stall on a market he was walking through that sold necklaces. On a whim, he bought one that had a single, indigo coloured crystal dangling from the string

When he noticed you wearing it almost every day, he felt like he suddenly gained a heart, and it leaped and wanted to jump out of his chest again. He didn't say anything but just hugged you from behind, holding you a bit tighter than he usually did

I think Wanderer would appreciate you even more if your love language happened to be words of affirmation

He can't even begin to tell you how much it means to him to get that constant, verbal reassurance that you love him and want to be with him

It's something he still struggles a lot with, not thinking that he's worthy of all the time and effort you put into him. But your words really help him, it starts to sink in that you're with him because you want to, not because he manipulated you or anything

As for the Wanderer himself, I feel physical touch would most likely be his love language

Not only because he gets the physical reassurance that you're actually here with him and this whole thing is not just a delusion or dream his mind came up with. It's also because it reminds him that you're alive and well in his arms, and you're not planing on going anywhere

one of his favourite moments is when you two cuddle, either in bed or on the couch, with his head laid on your chest. He can clearly hear your heartbeat like that. He feels safe listening to it and it is a safe method for him to enter the dreamworld without much problem.

A very devoted lover, although difficult at first, but again, the pay-off is more than worth the effort

Kaeya

There is one, very important rule in a relationship with Kaeya. One he will never, under no circumstances, ever break

Once a week, there will be a couple's night

During that time, the both of you stay at home together. No outings, no work, no going out with friends or family, nothing

Just the two of you, dressing up in cute little matching onesies, making dinner together (maybe have a little food war in the kitchen), cuddle up on the couch afterwards

Sometimes you play games together, other times it's a full on spa night with face masks, where you give each other massages and just pamper the other.

But the both of you are so grateful that you decided to implement this rule into your relationship

Kaeya's job as a knight can get rather busy from time to time, it happened on more than one occaison that he stayed at the headquarters for a few days uninterrupted. During that time period, you rarely got to see him.

Still, when it was time for date night, neither of you made exeptions. No matter how much work was waiting for him, Kaeya would put it on hold for this night. Because that's what you both agreed on and also, he really needs the break. He missed your presence and touch

Kaeya is another one who I think expresses his love for you through physical touch and quality time.

Precisely because he doesn't always have much time to spend with you, every second counts for him. To him, it does not matter how that time is spent, so long as it's with you

There could be thousands of other people around you, it could be on a night out with friends. As long as he gets to touch you, feel you close to him and have you there with him, he is happy.

Kaeya also trust you deeply. You're one of the only people he feels comfortable enough around to take his eye patch off.

Once you learned that his right eye is fine under that patch - except for a not so nice looking vertikal scar - and saw it for the first time, Kaeya also told you the story behind how he got that scar

Of course he is scared about your reaction to it, but when you lean close to him and softly kiss the scar, he realized that he never, not even for a second, had to worry about it. Because it's you. You are here with him, you make him feel loved and cared for. Of course there was no reason for him to ever doubt you

Wants to put a ring on your hand as soon as he can, but with how hectict his life can get, he would rather wait for it to calm down

But he knows, deep down, that you will be the only person he will ever love like that. And for nothing in this world would he ever let go of you..

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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not sure if you’ve done this already but how would slenderman react to the reader hugging his tentacles? and generally showing affection to it.

Reader who hugs n kisses slendermans tentacles!

dont think i did anything like before so yahoo! honestly as much as i love slenderman, thinking of a whole boat load of ideas over the course of like. 9? years, this never crossed my mind. your brain, huge

its not often that you see his tentacles out, usually theyre for his hunting as well as defense.. and to look more intimidating. you know, generally not something that he wants you to be around for..

but i think every now and then they creep out during down time with you, perhaps during a cuddling session with your tall monster boyfriend? or maybe you even get him to indulge in "play" (not that kind of play get your mind out of the gutter) and his tentacles slip out, like you guys playing simple games

the image of someone playing tag or hide and seek with the forest demon is making me chuckle, something much needed post mini cry/freak out session LMAO

personally i like to think that he can only half way control his tentacles. like yeah sure when he needs them they're out, but for the most part they do their own thing, you know?

set up down, lets get to the actual request. his tentacles are colder than him, and admin is personally torn on making them slimy or not... perhaps slightly so? like juuuuuuust enough to be just a little oily but nothing insane, kind of feels like your hands after you just put lotion on them. smooth, too

very cold. i know i mentioned that theyre colder than him, but its like ice cold. so...

basically he doesnt expect you to show any love to this part of him, so hes thoroughly confused when you grab one of them and gently press your lips to it.. then let go. then grab another and give it a kiss as well

cue a confused head tilt before his voice comes into your head to ask what on earth youre doing

isnt it uncomfortable, with the slight ooze? isnt it too cold? doesnt it at least taste a little off?

torn about it, because on one hand hes used these things to kill. but on the other hand he mostly kills in order to protect his space and to sustain his body, and admin likes thinking that he sometimes gets a bit of guilt. call it him resenting his own existence and simply wanting to be left alone while having a natural curiosity for the world around him even though he only really destroys the life around him

also he doesnt like giving you stuff from victims, and i think he would have similar feelings about his tentacles

and yet... he cant deny, that he can hold you closer with them, that he can keep you nearby with them... and that you love him, and every part of him. undeniably, you do. i dont know, its something that when i think about it, its sweet

this creature is full of resentment, for himself and the world he was put in as well as the one who made him (zalgo cough cough au stuff) but here you are

assuming the reader is a human i think it hits even harder, because youre something that hes built to wreck and destroy. and yet youve given him pause, and that was enough for you to win him over

and you never stop surprising him

im getting off topic, but im just a sap for concepts like this, you know?

"its rotten work," "not to me... not if its you" but its you and slenderman, basically

i think the first few times when you start showing his extra appendages affection he pulls them away from you, maybe even forcing them back and tucking them away

but i think over time he melts into it and accepts it...

oh how cruel it was, for the universe to give this reclusive creature a sense of longing, which has been exasperated now that hes gotten a taste of it first hand

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #creepypasta imagine #creepypasta headcannons #slenderman x reader #slenderman x you #slenderman imagine #slenderman headcannons

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wtfuglydemon · 5 months

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pro-recovery this anti-recovery that

have you ever thought that people cant recover unless theyre willing to? unless they feel comfortable to? unless they feel like they are ready to?

not only that, ever thought that some things just arent able to be "cured" or recovered from? that our entire psyche system cant handle anything more complicated than a simple anxiety/depression? that if you have complicated disorders they will either shame you, make you feel like a monster and never help you directly but ask you to internalize your symptoms to not be a nuisance to others for the detriment of yourself? that, if they dont straight up drug you numb they will hospitalize you for something you have no fault on? Sometimes seeking for recovery can hurt you more than you already were and its why you can't unless youre willing and prepared to.

Being better with yourself isn't simple, sometimes recovery is having accomodations made to your problems that society simply does not give to others, it's different to all of us, mental health is not easy and straightforward and many make it up to be, this is extremely damaging and can make people hurt themselves, mentally and physically.

I've been abandoned, judged and seen as problematic for not seeking a doctor for myself and also being very open about my distaste for therapy, because i study it, i know how the system is flawed and systematically judgmental, classist, racist and misogynistic and the people in the field can be even worse, i warn people so they know if they are ready for a lot of trial and error, not to discourage them but to know that this is also a challenge you need to be mentally prepared for because otherwise it will leave you more hurt.

every journey to better your mental health is different, complicated, ugly and sometimes filled with hardships, boiling it down to "pro recovery and anti recovery" is to forget others who can't exactly recover, people's who recovery need systematic societal change, people like me with psychopathy who are seem as nothing but monsters who need to be purged from society, regardless if we have our own struggles and difficulties to deal with, its forgetting people in countries who don't have good mental health awareness, it is forgetting people who don't have financial conditions to afford help. No one is against others seeking help for your struggles but sometimes issues are not as simple as you deem them to be and the need to antagonize and "reclaim" their spaces is to negate hurting people of a space where they can be themselves and proud of who they are.

in the end what made me write this is how i am myself even with all my bad, self destructive and harmful behaviors and people like me exist and need a space safe for them to be themselves, it is why i found myself so drawn to the Jirai community, people "reclaiming" and trying to separate it from its roots is just bringing harm to a group of people who simply want to not feel alone with their struggles and be proud of who they are. You are not better than anyone from depriving those of a space for them, all you're doing is showing ignorance and disrespect for an entire group of suffering people.

#ame64txt #jiraiblogging #jirai kei #idk if this makes sense i just felt like venting my whole frustration with how people view mental health #and also how people love taking spaces away from others they dont like when they can just not be involved in it #long text #mental health

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a-spes · 5 months

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hello! i noticed ur taking requests! this is hella detailed so no worries if u dont wanna write! one with female reader x nat (preferably platonic but either works). the averages break up. they are done. Officially. nat and r were friends on the avengers and worked together a lot. when the avengers broke up, everyone tried to move on or settle down. nat doesn't. nat, missing the action, reverts back to her time as a for-hire assassin. With the connections from her time as an assassin pre-SHIELD she builds a name for herself. She becomes the most feared assassin yet again and a ruthless criminal. no one can stop her and she’s very dangerous. Finally, reader, working for the government now, and faces Nat for the first time in years… as enemies with r trying to take Nat down. Nat has the upper hand with her network of spies and criminals. But does Nat really hurt her? She has the ability to with her skill and network of assassins. Does r get what they want and take Nat down? ANYWAYS this is long and kinda specific; but thank you so much! Love all your writing!

S T O L E N F R E E D O M - One shot.

Words count - 5,1k.

Tags & Warnings - villain!Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader (platonic, enemies), mentions of death/violence/blood, angst.

Moodboard here.

N/A - Hope you'll enjoy it and it's not too far from what you were expecting! It's the first time I am writing for a request and I really enjoyed it, so thanks for dropping it <3

It’s past two in the morning and you are alone in the office. Only the night guards are here but they don't dare to ask you if everything is fine. The past months, they've got used to you staying that late and learned to not ask too many questions. From time to time, you could hear their muffled voices and steps breaking the thick silence.

But it’s not their presence that is slowly driving you crazy: it is the regular ticking of the wall clock. It seems to be the only thing you can hear, it’s even louder than your thoughts, and being unable to concentrate is only adding to your frustration. You are not far from crying because of how hopeless you are feeling.

If you've got into the habit of spending most of your nights at work, it’s only because of how incompetent you are, unable to complete the task assigned to you. A few months ago, you found a file on your desk and, if at first you thought it would be as easy as the previous ones, you were wrong. You quickly changed your mind when you only saw a long list of deaths but nothing else. For the first time, you've found yourself struggling to complete a mission.

You were looking for a ghost.

The only proof you have of their existence are the crimes they commited, the cold bodies they’re leaving behind them. Even the autopsy didn't give any information about how it happened, it’s almost like the victims just died on their own. This mission makes you regret how cocky you acted in the past. You used to think that you could complete every mission, even the most difficult ones, but eventually realized that it doesn't matter if you are among the most skilled S.H.I.E.L.D agents because there is always someone better than you are.

This time, you were as lost as your colleagues, understanding what they're usually going through. Slowly, you've become so obsessed with this mission that you couldn't think about anything else. You are trapped in a toxic loop with your work and, if you thought the time you would act like that was long gone, you were wrong: this mission is taking you back to your worst era again.

In the morning, you are the first one to be here, but you are also the last one to leave the place - when you do, sometimes spending the whole night here just so you don’t lose time going home and coming back. It is rare that you think about eating, your mind being completely absorbed by the task. Again, you were that young adult that wanted to prove their worth to everyone, seeking validation.

Despite everything, you keep telling Fury that everything is fine. You know that he doesn't believe you, but he knows better than pushing, trusting his agent to ask for help when it's needed, but he forgot how stubborn you can be. He is divided between worries to see you so exhausted and the urge for the mission to be completed as quickly as possible.

Even if he is trying to keep those deaths a secret for as long as possible, pretending on the news that they aren't related, just misfortune, he knows he won't be able to lie indefinitely. People are going to question what's happening and it's obvious that he can’t admit that there is a crazy assassin roaming freely around the country.

For the moment, only a few agents are aware about the file, only the best ones. If anyone can do it, it's you, that's what he keeps telling himself to ease the guilt he is feeling whenever he sees you so exhausted.

And, even if he is not saying anything, telling you to take your time, you can read in his eyes the fears and worries, you can feel the pressure and the lack of time: this mission had to be a priority. It comes before your basic needs, eating and sleeping becoming optional. You hadn't seen anyone else other than the pictures of the victims' bodies for the last weeks, talked so little that you are almost sure you lost your voice.

You were in distress and it's obvious that your state of mind has led to mistakes you could've easily avoided, even a rookie wouldn't have made them.

Before you could realize, it was the morning, and the sun didn't come alone: it left a surprise on your desk, an umpteenth death. You didn't wait long, immediately going to the place where it happened, in hope you would find something if you are the first one here. But, as always, everything is clean, the appartment being perfectly tidy, except for the cold body in the middle of the living-room.

They are playing with your mind, probably amused to see you trying to stop them, knowing that you can't because it's impossible to catch a shadow. People are dying and there is nothing you can do about it.

Those thoughts are unbearable, and you are fighting the urge to break an object when you notice something. It is almost invisible, so small that you almost missed it. It is just a piece of paper, stucked between two tiles on the balcony.

Here it is, your hint, the first one since you started. If you are exhausted, it seems that the person you are chasing starts to feel confident enough to let their guard down and make mistakes. There is not much in the paper, just bits of words but it is enough for you to guess everything you need: their next victim.

You know that there is only a small chance that you could actually stop them tonight, but you can't help the feeling of hope that is growing inside of you because, for the first time, you've the feeling that you are getting somewhere.

You should've told Fury. You should've let him know what you found, your leads, where you are going tonight, but you didn't. Even if you know how dangerous going in there alone and unprepared, you did it, the feeling of hope giving you the impression that nothing could go wrong - you would deal later with Fury's anger.

If you get out of here alive.

But it may be your only chance to get them, because who knows when they're gonna make another mistake? It could be weeks or months, maybe never, and you don't have the strenght to wait for so long. You don't even really care about the target, he is just some rich man who embodies everything you hate, it's just that this mission is now personnal: you're done playing their game and want to let them know.

You are driving fast, not caring about the speed limits. Gladly, it is late and the hotel is on the edge of the city, isolated to provide traquility to the people that decide to stay here - all rich and influential. You weren't surprised when you discovered that the next victim was staying here for a few days.

But, if the road is empty, your mind isn't. Your heart is racing, trying to get out of your chest. In months of research, you've never been so close to success, it has something exciting. However, hope doesn't come alone. This feeling is accompanied by nervousness and nausea as you can't help but think of all the ways this could go wrong, the so-good idea is just sounding like a really bad mistake now.

You're on your own, no one knows you are here tonight.

Your fingers are tapping against the steering wheel in an attempt to shut out these thoughts, but it doesn't change anything. You know that, if you want everything to go fine, you need to keep your mind clear - no one ever successed a mission while being distracted, it would only get you killed. However, it is easier to say than to do.

You found yourself waiting at the front of the hotel, trying to hide how shaky your hands were. Even if you are wearing the most expensive dress of your dressing, you are still feeling out of place, everything here being just ... too much, honestly.

One glance at the entrance confirmed what you thought: going in won't be easy. It's obvious that you can't walk in here, pretending to be some guest, without being suspicious. In this kind of mission, discretion is the key and you need to become a part of the landscape.

"Can I steal a bit of your time?" a man asked after you waited for a few minutes.

A pretty woman doesn't go unotice in that kind of space, especially if she looks a bit lost. This man, however, has nothing pretty, he is probably older than your parents. You are not dumb, knowing that there is nothing innocent behind his request, and this simple thought is enough to digust you. Yet, you don’t say anything. You are just hiding your feelings behind a smile, nodding slowly to him.

He is your way inside.

Once you are inside, you don't wait for one more minute before excusing yourself, pretending you have to go to the bathroom. He made some jokes about women that you don't bother to listen to, already far away, knowing that you won't keep your promise to come back as quickly as possible.

The feeling his hand left on your waist makes you shiver, but you don't have much time to think about it, trying to discretly shaking it off as you are heading to the stairs. At least, the first part of your plan - which wasn't really one - was done: you are inside of the building.

From the hotel's roof, you have a perfect look at the city. Sadly, you don't have much time to enjoy the view of the city lights or to observe the movements of the citizens, unawere of what's happening so close to them. The cold wind of autumn is brushing your face, a few of your hair strubbornly getting out of your braids to get in your eyes, and the fresh air is easing your nervousness a bit.

But it all came back in a second, all it took was a glance at your watch: almost ten pm, you only have a few minutes to decide what to do.

Before going down, you made sure that the living-room was empty, using a small drone. You scoffed when you saw the suit he reserved, it was bigger than your appartment and every object there seems to be outrageously expensive. However, even if you can't see anyone, you are not letting your guard down. The lights are on, which means he is somewhere in the appartment and it doesn't let you a lot of time to sneak in if you don't want to be seen.

You went in by the window. Your hands were shaking as you tried to open it, and you couldn't help but glance inside from time to time, fearing the assassin would show. The stress you were feeling made you less efficient and you had to try three times before you eventually hear the relieving sound of the window unlocking - usually, you wouldn't need more than one attempt to get there.

You were trying to make as little noise as possible while closing the window behind you, to make it seem like you've never been here, when you are surprised by a presence on your back. You barely dodged the lamp he threw at you, the object hitting the floor, breaking in a loud noise - for the discretion, you may want to try harder next time.

As his scream is piercing throught your ears, you jump at him, one of your hands keeping his mouth shut while you are holding him against the wall, hoping no one hears him - because, if it's the case, the assassin won't be your only problem. This was your second mistake, one you could've easily avoided if you came with a better plan than "going in and taking the target down". Even if you are here to save him, the fact that he knows may jeopardize the whole mission, the assassin will probably notice that something isn't right.

"No, no, no! Don't yell," you hushed him, "I am here to save you, the assassin is coming for you, tonight," you told him in an attempt to ease his panic; but how could you sucess to calm him down when you are even more stressed than he is? His panic is slowly becoming yours as you realise how badly you’ve screwed up.

"To.. save me?" he asked and, at the way he told those words, you can tell that he is schocked by the news.

"Yes, they-," you started to reply, sliping your hand in your pocket to get out your badge. It seems to calm him down and you can eventually take a few steps back, releasing the man, but your movements are slow, ready to throw yourself at him again if he decides to scream.

You were already looking around, in search of any hint the assassiin would already be here when you heard a cold chuckle that made you shiver. You immediately turn to the man, only to notice that he is the one laughing.

"Oh, but I am not the one that needs to be saved," he said, smiling, and you immediately froze, unable to move an inch as your mind is trying to process what he just said.

"What?" you replied, but deep down you already knew what was happening, the feeling that something isn't right only growing stronger.

"Oh, sorry...", another voice said on your back. Its tone is false pity, its chuckle was full of arrogance, "have I ruined your little moment of heroism?" she asked, and you don't need to hear more than those few sentences to recognize the person to whom that voice belongs.

Slowly, as if you are scared that moving too fast could make her disappear, you turn around to give a look at the woman. Her face is hidden behind a black mask, but you would recognize those eyes everywhere, even if they are now tinged with a darkness you've never seen in her before. Her green eyes no longer had the soft look you were used to.

"'Tasha? Is that.. you?" you whispered, but you already knew the answer - a few strands of red hair slipping out of her mask, an another hint of her identity.

This encouter is leaving a weird feeling, twisting your stomach with fear while confusion coulds your throughts; nothing that is happening now makes sense. Why is she here? What does she mean by that? Why is she so different from the person you know? You are feeling like you are facing a ghost, how weird it's stand in front of a person that looks and sounds like your old friend but that is nothing like them at the same time.

"I thought I taught you better than that..," she added, but her tone is bothering you: it's harsh, cold, she has never talked to you that way in the past.

It's when she eventually takes her mask off that you can see that she has been smirking the whole time, enjoying the situation you are in. However, you are not smiling at all, because you slowly realise that is was just a trap, *and you fell right into it, giving yourself to the person you've chased for months.*

“Look at you,” she spat out, “so .. naive, and stupid, you didn’t change, uh? You didn’t learn your lesson?” she asked, and you couldn't find the words to reply, the shock had stolen your voice, you didn’t even notice that the man left the room, leaving only the two of you and a thick ambience.

You’ve known the woman for many years. When you joined the Avengers, the two of you quickly became close as being the only two women in a team of cocky men. Sure, it wasn’t always easy because of how different you are, but you learned a lot by her side and you appreciated her a lot, always seeking the company of the spy.

A few years ago, when everyone decided it was time to split up, you didn’t stay in touch with any of them. You were never a family, despite what they would tell you, just colleagues and, if it was hard to admit at first, you eventually got used to this idea. However, you can’t help but think about the redhead from time to time, regretting not having a way to contact her, wishing you would've at least stayed close with her among all your former teammates.

You thought it was mutual, but you are not sure anymore.

No matter how hard she tried to be nice to you, a part of her always hated the person you were. She hated your smile and how pure it was, she hated how childish you could be, always excited over the smallest things. You were a constant reminder of what her life could've been if she had a normal childhood. She was jealous. It felt unfair to see that life gave you everything she always dreamed of.

But the spy never talked about it. She listened closely everytime you would talk about your childhood, helping you to organize surprises for your family, not mentionning the way her stomach would twist and her heart hurt in those moments. She got used to the feeling of her nails digging into her skin whenever she was having a conversation with you - because you would most likely be talking about your memories at some point.

She even used to avoid your room, not wanting to see the pictures and childhood memories displayed everywhere. Those objects were a reminder that your family is real when hers was nothing more than a pretending, a mission. While she was trying to survive, you never got to worry about anything else than what was your favourite colour.

And, even if she knows you had your own struggles, she couldn’t help but have the toxic urge to compare both of your lives and what you have been through.

You got the life she was dreaming of with the other girls, but you didn't even seem to realise it.

If she was able to keep up the act, it was only because it was easy to go on missions by your side. You were skilled but, most importantly, great at following orders: you would always do everything she asked you to. You were eager to please the woman. So she talked to you, smiled, acted nice, pretended it was nothing when you would apologize for ranting about your life, knowing that, one day, she would find a way to get her revenge.

Suddenly, you are the one being pinned against the wall and she leaves you no chance to escape. You barely noticed her moving, barely had time to think about dodging her attack that you were already in her hands.

She appears to be even better than when you were working together, and you suspect that it's not because she trained since, but surely because she never used her whole skills in a fight against you - she knew she didn't need that to win. Your hopes of beating the redhead vanish immediately, you only ever won because she let you to.

How could you?

She was raised to kill, when you would just achieve a childhood dream.

Oh, you are good at it, just not good enough. You realize your mistake when, for the first time since you met the spy, you feel her fist landing on your face with its whole strenght, not once, but an endless amont of time. There is blood, yours, running down your nose and mouth, and it comes with a sharp pain as her last hit sends you to the ground.

“You’ve no idea for how long I’ve waited for that moment..," she told you while coming closer. She is observing your miserable form with a satisfied smile on her face.

“Tasha’, I understand that-,” you tried to say, but you were stopped by another kick on your face that took your breath away. She doesn't even let you the possibility to say a few words, the sound of your voice being enough to drive her crazy.

The pity in it is making her sick.

“You can understand?” she scoffed in disbelief. She can't believe that you've the audacity to say something like that. “No. You think you can understand what I am going through, but you can’t, and you want to know why?" she asked, pausing before giving you the answer herself, "because you are the golden child that has everything in the palm of her hand," she said those words in a voice full of hate.

“What happened..?" you whispered, "that- that’s not.. you... not the Natasha I know," you said, trying to make sense of the situation, but you can't, you want to believe that it is just a terrible mistake, that she is still here, somewhere, that she just got lost - but it could've happened to any of you, right?

“Oh, but you never knew me, love," she replied, coldly laughing at you, "This is me. This is the person I was born to be. For years, I tried to run away, but we can’t escape our destiny," she continued. She takes a few more steps toward you, kneeling at your side, her hand caressing your cheek, "and honestly, I've never felt so good, so free."

“If it’s him again, I- I can help you, we can find a-," you said, refusing to think about the fact that, maybe, she is right, that everything is just her choice, because it would make you the enemy of a person that used to be your friend and teammate.

Again, you are stopped by a kick on your chest while she is smiling, as if you just said the stupidest thing she's ever heard of her life.

“Him?” she chuckled, “Oh, honey, no.. he is long gone. It is just me now. I eventually got to be who I really am without anyone to prevent me from doing so, isn’t it .. thrilling?” she asked, but you are not sharing her excitement, you are just frightened and she can tell it by the way you are looking at her, your eyes being wide open.

She was born for that life, she was raised with the only purpose to kill, to spy, but since the Avengers no longer exist, what was she? Her skills were no longer useful. At first, she tried to get a normal job, but it didn't end very well, she just couldn't fit in. She hated the feeling of having everything to learn again.

And it was all your fault.

You were the voice in her head that made her believe it was possible, that she could, one day, have a normal life, without blood and fights. You are the one that gave her hope. When she was at your side, she always felt like you were right, but reality was quick to kick in and, whenever the two of you were talking, there was always a small detail that would remind her that you are living in two opposite worlds. The demons that haunted her spared you and she will never be able to make it up for the blood on her hands.

But then you abandoned her, like the others, and she realized she couldn't do it without you to show her the beauty of the world. It just seems impossible, she was too brutal for the earth.

And she started hating you for your lies.

You never knew, but she was watching you the whole time. She knows every detail of your life, how you succeeded to rebuild it after the Avengers when she failed. It seems so simple, so why couldn't she do the same? You seem to have forgotten your former colleagues so easily, you got a new job and friends, a complete new life in only a few months, as if she never existed. Meanwhile, the memories of her time with the Avengers were stuck in her head.

She felt like she lost her only chance to have a normal life.

It's not surprising, then, that she fell again in that loop of blood and death. It was familiar, almost comforting, something she is good at. Whenever she completes a mission, it reminds her that she has a place in that world, even if it's not the one she has dreamed of.

She loved to see you struggling. She enjoyed watching you those past months, she wanted to see how desesperate you could get before breaking down. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she couldn't help but love the feeling of power, and it is even more true right now, as she has you pinned against the wall, one of her hands pressed against your throat.

“I know that you think you’re better than me, but we are the same, we are both killers," she said, her face being so close to yours that you could feel her breath. "The difference is that you are controlled by your superiors. They wouldn’t care if I was doing the same, they don’t care about those deaths, they are just afraid they can't control me. And you know what?" she asked with a frightening expression, "they're right to feel that way. Now that I am free, no one will ever tell me what to do, not even you,” she whisepered those last words in your ears, it sounded like a warning.

In reality, she is only almost free, because she has one last thing to do for it to be true. Even if she is now at the head of her own organization, no longer taking orders from anyone else, she doesn't feel completely free yet. This time, it is not because of Dreykov, Fury or Tony, but you.

The redhead firmly believes that, if she manages to control you, she will be able to get the freedom she always wanted.

Slowly, her gentle touch becomes agressive, her fingers are no longer caressing your cheek, they are wrapped around your throat, the pressure slowly increasing until you are struggling to breath. You can read everything she never told you in her eyes: suffering and despair, hatred and anger.

You are the last thing with power over her. She can't get you out of her mind, being obsessed with you in a way that isn't healthy. She can't stop thinking about the sweet words you used to whisper to her when she was at her lowest, the ones that gave her a glimpse of who she could've been, but also the ones that prevent her from embracing who she really is.

If she wants to be free, she needs to grief the person she would've been if her childhood would've been like yours, and it won't be possible as long as you're here. Your words were the cause of the guilt that was building in her sometimes, when it was late, they were keeping her from sleeping, they are the reason for all her weaknesses.

"P- please," you whispered, managing to say a few words, begging for your life as she coldly held her knife above your head - you don't doubt one second she would kill you without any hesitation.

But the hit never came.

She just stayed like that for what felt like hours, tilting her head while a smile spread on her face, almost mocking. The smile has nothing in common with what you're used to, this one sends shivers through your body.

"Hm, you're right," she eventually said, as if you said something that would've been enough for her to change her mind when you didn't - she seems to be talking to herself. "Where would be the fun if I kill you know? It was just starting to get interesting, don't you think?" she added and your relief is short, there is something mischevious on her tone and attitude that makes you wish she just've killed you instead.

Those past months made her realize that she doesn't need to kill you, she doesn't even really want to. No, what she really enjoyed was more the idea of having control over your life, to know that you were so desesperate that she was the only thing in her mind - and you didn't even know yet it was her behind that.

Now that you know, it'll only make it worse.

If she wouldn't hesitate to stab you, she knows that you would. After so many years of working with you, she had time to get to know you, and she was right thinking you didn't change, still being so predictable. She barely had to do anything to have you between her hands, you fell almost on her trap so easily that it was almost disappointing.

You are doing everything she guesses you will.

And she knows you won't kill her, *how could you?* You strongly believe in redemption and that, even if Natasha got lost, you can take her back, no matter how long it'll take. Everyone deserves a second chance.

The redhead thought it would be entertaining to see you try to "save her" and miserably fail before she ends your life. This is the revenge she was looking for.

"I'll leave you a little something to remember who you are dealing with," she murmurs as she lowers the knife, directing it toward your hips where she stabs you. She knows exactly what she is doing, to within a few millimeters, she would've killed you but she didn't. "See you soon," she added, and they're the last words she pronounces as she leaves the room.

It is a reminder of the power she has. She leaves you on the ground, alone and bleeding like an animal while she has no injuries. And, if this encounter ended up that way, it is only because she decided to, not because she had pity, nor because you decided to. She could've killed you in a second if she wanted to, and god, she loves that feeling.

Tags - @imnotslouching

Masterlist here.

#a spes writing #reader insert #female reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #anon request #angst no comfort #angst #no happy ending #friends to enemies #natasha romanoff imagine

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ghost-of-a-system · 9 days

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hi, we are autistic and also have aphantasia and alexithymia.

and we where wondering what you guys do when you don't know who's fronting, like that limbo of bodily autopilot where nothings going on inside the head and we all just blend together into an incoherent mess

we can't tell if someone new is fronting or if we think we are faking it again.

thanks

hey, thanks for reaching out! im not sure if we have alexithymia; we dont know much about it. but we do have aphantasia and autism, so ill try my best.

i think its an autism thing, but we mask a whole heck of a lot around basically... everyone but each other. if you or someone else is unsure what i mean by "masking", its basically just altering (no pun intended...) your behavior in order to outwardly appear "normal" to other people. pretty sure it can be both manually done or subconsciously. its usually subconscious for us personally. but for us, this "persona" we mask as is kinda hard and unnecessary to describe, but the point would be that it isnt really similar to any of our alters. we also do a lot of mirroring others, as in, involuntarily copying their personalities, speech patterns, etc., which plays into our masking.

when we are blurry or more "on autopilot" as you described, we tend to revert to this even more. since there isnt a distinct enough alter around to, at the very least, hog our train of thought, our brain just defaults to that masking persona. but this still happens a lot when we do know whos fronting; they subconsciously mask/mirror so much so that their identity becomes indistinguishable to even them. in all honesty, this usually doesnt go away until we either are alone again or something triggers someone specific out (sorta snapping us out of the masking for a bit). sometimes the someone specific is even who was fronting before good ol masking took over; it just kind of grounds them to their actual self instead.

overall it just makes it impossible for us to tell when we are just genuinely blurry or just masking to the max. we usually just default to assuming that were blurry until enough clarity kicks in to say otherwise.

as far as the "thinking it could be a new alter" thing, we definitely relate to that too. we kinda have a whole, system in place (no pun intended...?) to help with that. when it comes to masking, particularly mirroring, we typically mirror other people/characters/etc. to the point that we genuinely feel like a new person. oftentimes to the point that we feel like we are them. many times in the past its so intense that it puts us under the impression that theres a new person to add to the bunch.

i think one of us has talked about it in the past here, but im too lazy to go fishing for it. basically, we might log it, like in our simply plural, usually. keeping the profile on private and just logging that this potential new guy is fronting. we usually give it a week or two to see if they ever front again or if we can still 'feel their presence' later on, in simple terms. for us, majority of the time theyre gone, 'cause they never existed to begin with. but thats just because we mirror so much and so intensely, not sure if thats something other systems can relate to. we also just arent a large system, and while it isnt uncommon for us to split, its even less common that they stick around past a week or two.

its a weird cycle. but it doesnt mean youre faking or anything. just one of the weird ways things mix, especially being a system and having something like autism. they dont always function separately, at least in our experience.

-s

#ghost of a sys asks

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gwydion-aacblog · 11 months

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hey im a bit curious on why you say system origins dont harm people (it was in your pinned post) as a system that has been harmed because of endos (fakeclaimed, kicked out of spaces, lost access to resources) i was wondering if you could possibly explain in more detail? if you cant thats fine too! i was just curious and i wanted to follow you but im afraid i dont interact with endo or supports, so more information/disscussion is very much appreciated! have a good day/afternoon/evening!

people exist and that is that . not care how describe origin if can respect , and , just because bad individual people use specific name for origin do not make all each ones bad . many system with trauma and DID names say horrible things about gwydion plural life , which come from trauma too so can not pretend like complain for nothing , which one in many reason not give any details . but not make people who keep those names bad .

plural community exist in relative harmony much longer than not . know this as someone see and learn from original communities , much more focus on how live peaceful together and support " weird " things about each other . largely people share words with each other , happy hear experiences , feel less alone in " weirdness " . not like now where people want feel " valid " even if throw each other under bus , happy bully anything " invalid " .

plural is many many experiences , something many more people than might even realise possibly experience . sometimes dissociation mechanism that stay forever . sometimes short time thing that come with stress then disappear . sometimes something that feel tie with spirituality . sometimes something that do on purpose because curious .

if anyone want try argue this , say why should not believe origins , do not waste time . there is no way " prove " any this , no way cut in brain and say " this one jane this one alice " , and absolute meaningless pretend like anyone really get better respect when is all " loonies " to everyone else . DID/OSDD exist , so do plurals which not DID/OSDD .

put this way too . people who call low support needs autism , high function autism , whatever want to call . those people been absolute cruel to gwydion . would still not be fair call those people fake autism people .

#plurality

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etherealspacejelly · 3 months

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ERM

ok so

anonymous bc no way am i showing my url on this Jhshsheheh

so like all my friends at school. they seem. so much more mature than i am???

like even the ones who are younger than me. they're already thinking about partners. and dating n stuff. like some of my friends already have partners

but i. just am not interested in that rn??? and sometimes i feel like there's. something Wrong with me. yk

like im year 9 but. i feel like i should be thinking about this and it feels like im not mature enough that i don't want to worry abt that now

- 🐉

there is nothing wrong with you. listen to me. there is absolutely Nothing wrong with you.

it is perfectly normal to not be interested in romantic relationships, i wasnt at your age and im still not. i am in a platonic relationship with my best friend, mostly because it comforts us both to know that no matter what happens we will not be alone. even if all of our other friends get into romantic relationships and prioritise them over friendships

desiring a romantic partner does not make you more mature than anyone else. having a romantic partner or a partner of any kind is not a requirement for happiness, fulfilment, or maturity.

focus on what You actually want. ask yourself what would make You happy, what would make you feel fulfilled and satisfied with your life. set aside these notions of what we are Supposed to want, of what it is ""Normal"" to want, and focus your attention on yourself. this is your life, and you owe it to yourself to follow your own path.

i think it would help you to research aspec identities, especially aromantic ones, and talk to aromantic people about their experiences. you might not be aromantic! alloromantic people can still have no desire to be in romantic relationships, and that is perfectly fine and normal. and likewise aromantic and arospec people can want to be in romantic relationships despite their lack of romantic attraction. what i think researching this community will do for you is show you that romance is not the be all and end all of human beings. it is not a requirement for existing and being happy.

i think even progressive parents can fall into this trap of telling their kids "when you grow up and get a girlfriend or a boyfriend" or "when you get married to your spouse", and like, yea its great that they arent assuming you will be straight, but they are still placing the expectation on you to Want a romantic relationship and that you will have one no matter what. and that doesnt have to be the case!

your "happily ever after" does Not have to involve riding off into the sunset with your One True Love, it can in fact be a freezeframe of you and your best friends jumping into the air together and pulling silly faces!

idk this is. a long and rambling answer to what was a fairly simple question but. this ask hit me very close to home. i know how you feel. i felt Exactly the same way when i was your age. i felt wrong and broken and different and i didnt understand Why everyone was so excited about dating and kissing and relationships. so. im telling you what i wish someone would have told me.

take a deep breath. and let go. you dont need to have it all figured out Right Now. you can in fact just enjoy life as it happens! you dont have to know exactly what you want at this age. you can figure it out as you go. you have So Much Life ahead of you to learn and grow make mistakes and change your mind and figure things out and just. live.

the world wont end if you never want a romantic relationship. life will go on. you will find out what Really matters to you. and thats the beauty of being alive! please do not force yourself to do anything you dont Really want to do, just because thats what it feels like you're Supposed to do.

you are unique and beautiful and so so alive. you are doing just fine, and im so proud of you. you belong here.

you are loved.

#inbox #ask #inbox open #ethereal space dad #aromantic #asexual #advice

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inactive-hellish-hyperfixation · 2 years

Text

Beautiful | Stephen Strange x male reader

genre: fluff (a little bit of hurt? but i dont think it counts)

requested: no

summary: Stephen Strange, although known for having an overinflated ego, had an insecurity that nobody was shy about pointing out. Then, he's introduced to a man who never pried, and he couldn't help but fall.

a/n: this is my longest fic so far, and im a little proud of the length! in all honesty, this fic is just two different ideas mushed into one, so if it doesn't flow quite well, that would be why. also, all of my dr strange fics so far have ended in confession?? very strange... pun not intended.

word count: 3.2k

In all the time Stephen had known you, he’d never shown you his hands. From the moment Wong introduced you as his friend and every interaction since, he’d wear some form of gloves. Although he knew they were nothing to be ashamed of, he despised the scars, the bumps, the rods, and how evident the unsteadiness in his hands were without coverings. Every time he saw the unsightly things, he’d clench them into fists, and want to punch the nearest wall when even that felt weak. His mind convinced him that, if his reaction to his own hands was this bad, how much worse would it be for others? So he hid them around as many people as possible, and those who knew never brought it up.

Unfortunately, those who didn’t know were a different story. Sometimes they’d ask about his gloves, especially when it was a person he’d see often. The lady at the store, the barista at the cafe he frequented, non-magical librarians, and the rest. They’d all asked him about his gloves at least once at some point. Why he wore them, that they’d never seen him without them, that he must be hot wearing them in this weather, etcetera.

But not you. You’d never asked, never brought it up, never even so much as looked at them weirdly besides the first time you met when you’d observed them for a second longer than usual. Stephen hadn’t realized how much he was bothered by how others thought of his hands until you offered him a safe space to simply exist without consciously thinking about them, and it allowed him to feel comforted around you. He began to crave your company whenever he was being questioned about his gloves, and even just in general when he was alone. He wanted to fill every free moment he had with memories of you.

~~~

“I want to tell him.” The sound of Stephen’s voice broke the silence in the library, causing Wong to look up from the book he was looking at in confusion.

“Tell who what?” Wong took in the sight of Stephen leaning on a desk with his face resting on his hand and decided to close the book, sensing a longer conversation coming. Stephen broke his dazed gaze and looked up at the librarian, eyes conveying the message of “seriously?” clearly.

“You know who. I want to tell him about my hands!” The sorcerer stood up straight and brought both gloved hands up into clear view to emphasize his point. He then turned and started to pace around. Wong was unsure how to react. He was aware of Stephen’s developing feelings for his friend, but this was an unexpected turn of events. Although he’d shown an interest in possibly developing a romantic relationship with someone, his hands hadn’t been mentioned in any way, shape, or form.

“That's rather sudden. What brought this on?" Stephen’s pacing stopped and his body visibly tensed instead. Wong could feel the hesitance to speak undulating off of him in waves, and thought the conversation was over for a moment, until the man turned around with a look of determination in his eyes.

“He… I feel safe around him, Wong,” the man spoke as though it physically pained him to get the words out, but pressed on. “I want him to know. More. About me. I want to share parts of myself with him.” He took in a breath and started pacing again. “Is that weird? I feel like that’s weird.”

“Who would’ve thought, Doctor Stephen Strange talking about his feelings.” Wong let out an amused chuckle until it was shut down by a glare.

“Sorry.”

Wong cleared his throat before speaking again.

“I don’t think it’s weird, I think you’re just…”

“Just what?”

“Lovesick?” At that, Stephen let out an incredulous scoff and rolled his eyes so hard they nearly fell out of their sockets.

“I don’t get lovesick, Wong. I’m an adult, not some childish teenager who isn’t in control of his feelings. I-”

“Am lovesick.”

“Am not!” The man turned with a little more force than necessary, shakiness in his hands noticeable even while wearing his gloves and from afar. A few moments passed, and he took a deep breath to steady himself while Wong stood strong, chin up and proud.

“Sorry.”

“You know I’m right.”

“Yeah, I do. Dammit.” The man sighed and buried his face into his hands, only to pull them away and stare at them when the tremors got worse. Now Wong was shocked. A bit of agitation and aggressiveness wasn’t entirely out of character for the man, but admitting being wrong was a once in a lifetime occurrence.

“Do you think I should do it?” He looked up from his hands, making eye contact with the librarian. The raw vulnerability in his eyes shocked Wong even further, if that were possible.

“I can’t decide for you, Stephen. But I can say that, if you do choose to tell him, you have nothing to be afraid of.”

The two shared a quick look of understanding and Wong went back to flipping through his book while Stephen steeled his resolve and portaled away.

~~~

Even after his talk with Wong, Stephen spent a week mulling over how he would go about telling you about his past, even considering abandoning the idea altogether at times. Nevertheless, he managed to come up with a plan and ask you to come over to the Sanctum.

You arrived in the evening when the sun was a couple minutes away from beginning to set, and Stephen was a bundle of nerves trying its best to look like a functioning human being. The two of you spent a handful of minutes chatting and getting over the initial nervousness of being together alone, and ended up sitting on a couch somewhere in the endless building.

“So, why’d you call me over here?” You inquired during a halt in conversation, taking a sip of the tea Stephen made.

“Can’t I ask a friend over? To socialize and talk?” Even to him, the attempt at steering the conversation away from the main point was pathetic. He winced when you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Right, because you’re just so sociable.” You placed the teacup on the coffee table in front of you and turned your body to face the other man on the couch. He did the same, but chose to look at his gloved hands that sat on his lap instead.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah—yeah, everything’s fine. I just—” He let a sigh slip from his lips and looked up from his hands, choosing to look at your face instead. After a moment of silence and thinking, he spoke.

“Why haven’t you asked about my hands?”

Well that wasn’t what he meant to say.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and you started to grow a bit worried since he hadn’t ever brought up the topic of his hands around you.

“Well, it’s not really my business, is it? Sure, I was curious, but if I needed to know, you’d tell me in your own time.” You chose to answer his question honestly and it seemed to be the right choice as the sorcerer seemed a bit more relaxed.

“Right. Speaking of telling you, that’s actually why I asked you here today.” He took in a breath and let it out slowly.” I think you know I used to be a neurosurgeon, but the reason I looked for Kamar-Taj was… Ah, it might be better to just show you, actually.” You watched as he began tugging off his gloves, the action hesitant at first. Then you saw the “fuck it” moment in his expression, and his gloves were off in a blink. You thought your expression was fairly neutral, but Stephen was able to see the shock in your eyes and heard the sharp intake of breath through your nose.

“You can touch them, if you want,” he commented when he noticed your hands hovering in front of you, as though they wanted to touch but weren’t sure if they were allowed. You looked up at his face, gaining confirmation that he meant the words through the sincerity in his eyes. You also caught a trace of nervousness, and your heart softened. This meant a lot to him. You knew Stephen wasn’t the type to open up easily, and this moment was one of extreme vulnerability. The fact that he trusted you enough to share it with you could’ve brought tears to your eyes.

Focusing back on his hands, you tentatively reached out and scooped one up in each hand, allowing your thumbs to trace over some of the scars and rods inside of his fingers. Your hands shook as well, but they were as still as statues in comparison to the trembling of his.

“I got into a car accident. Well, more like I drove myself off a cliff because of my overinflated ego.” He chuckled, but there was little humor in his voice. “A lot of the scars are from surgeries, to get them to stop shaking. Safe to say they didn’t work. The only thing they did was make my hands look hideous.” At that, you looked back up at his face in shock.

“You think they’re hideous?” His expression shifted to one of confusion.

“Yes? Do you not see them? They’re mangled and—and broken, they’re more metal than skin and bones, they’re—”

“Beautiful.”

You didn’t think it was possible for someone to look that astonished.

“At least, that’s what I think.” When it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak anytime soon, you continued. “I mean, like you said, you used to be a surgeon, right? That couldn’t have been easy, so it’s pretty crazy that they were capable of surgery. Even now, they’re doing incredible sorcery and saving lives—because you want to save them, not as a side effect of greed this time.” Although it may have sounded mean, you knew Stephen used to be driven by money and ego, and you knew he was thinking that as a rebuttal, so you had to get it out of the way. “But besides what they can do, I think they’re great just because they’re yours, and I think you’re pretty great, Stephen. Your scars tell a big part of your story and what made you who you are now, even if it wasn’t the prettiest process.”

That was when the waterworks began. It was only a few tears slowly rolling down his cheeks, but they held the weight of a waterfall of emotion. When he realized, he sniffed and quickly pulled his hands away to wipe the tears away with them, looking away.

“God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to start crying, I just…” He trailed off and looked back at you who looked at him with such understanding, patience, and openness that a few more tears slipped out.

“I think I really needed that.”

When you embraced him in the most comforting hug he’s ever experienced, he knew.

He knew that he was utterly and irrevocably in love with you.

~~~

“The queerbaiting was terrible! They could’ve made the most iconic gay couple in all of film history, but they threw it away for a poory forced together last minute hetero couple.”

You were currently dragging Stephen along with you to take a walk because you insisted that “the weather’s so nice today, we should enjoy it!” and he couldn’t ever say no to you, and you ended up ranting about a TV show and why you hated it. Stephen didn’t really understand as he didn’t watch new films often, but was too busy staring at you to care. Anyone could see the pure love and admiration in his eyes as he drank in your figure under the warm light of the sunset, wishing that he could hold your hand or lean in and kiss you more than anything. As the sun went down and the streetlights turned on, the two of you settled into a comfortable silence. Silence that was soon interrupted by the sounds of rain hitting the pavement around you.

“Ah, shit. I didn’t think it was gonna rain,” you shivered and crossed your arms over your chest in an attempt to maintain some warmth. Immediately, Stephen pulled the cloak in the form of a scarf from his neck, allowed it to transform back into a cloak, and slipped it over your shoulders in a single smooth movement. He held on to the lapels and adjusted it, making your bodies face each other. The action made you look up at him with a smile and a raised eyebrow that made it impossible for the sorcerer to look away.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like that! I just don’t want you to get sick.”

“So you do care about me!” At that he rolled his eyes and couldn’t help the soft smile that formed on his face.

“Yes, I do.” Suddenly, the surrounding air became charged and it felt silent even with the deafening hammering of the rain around you.

“I care about you a lot, actually.” His words came out so quietly you wouldn’t have been able to hear them had you not been so close. When did you get so close? You decided it didn’t matter because, as he slid his hands down to your back, the contact between your bodies became all that mattered.

“I know this might seem a little sudden, but I have something I need to tell you.” Stephen swallowed the lump in his throat and took a shaky breath in an attempt to steel his nerves before speaking again. You slid one of your hands up to his bicep, starting to rub little shapes in what you hoped was a soothing action.

“I already told you that I care about you, but I don’t think you understood exactly what I meant by that.” He swallowed again and took a baby step closer to you, chests now nearly touching. “I meant that I care about you more than platonically. More than as a friend, and definitely more than a friend of a friend.”

Before continuing his speech, he made a hesitant and shaky move to bring one of his hands up to cup your face. It shook even as he rested it on your face, and even more as he tried brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. He pressed his lips together in what seemed like a look of defeat, and you brought your hand up to hold his. At this point, both of you were soaked in rain water, but the heat of the moment felt like more than enough to keep the cold at bay.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I… I think I…” He started to look away, eyes shut tight, and his hands dropped to his sides. “Dammit, why can’t I just-”

“Stephen.”

He still didn’t look back at you, so you did what he had moments ago and brought the hand on his arm up to his face, softly angling it to look at you again.

“Stephen.”

This time he didn’t look away, although he seemed a bit embarrassed.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I do, but it’s a little hard to just confess that I’m in love with you out of nowhere, isn’t it?”

He froze, like the words escaped a tight jail cell made specifically for them. Meanwhile, a grin formed on your face, like the words had entered a special place in your heart made specifically for them.

“You’re in love with me?” You stepped just a bit closer, chests now touching, and you let your hand caress the side of his face. He seemed to unfreeze with every movement.

“Yeah, I am.” He was finally responsive, bringing his hands to the middle of your back.

“Good, because I’m in love with you too.”

“Is that so?”

You hummed in response.

“In that case, I have another confession to make.”

“Shoot.”

“I’d very much like to kiss you right now.” He leaned in close enough for the tips of your noses to graze each other, but with enough room for you to pull away if you wanted to. Your grin widened.

“What a coincidence, I’d like that too.”

“Oh, shut up.” And with that, he finally leaned in to close the gap between your lips.

Your hand slid to the back of his neck, slightly pulling him in closer if that were even possible, and he did the same by tugging you in by the waist. The rain continued to pour, and you eventually had to pull away with a laugh because of how messy the kiss was getting due to the rain. When you did, you were met with the breathtaking sight of Stephen, hair glued to his forehead from the rain, and smiling more vibrantly than you had ever seen. The streetlight only served to make him seem more angelic.

Little did you know, he felt the same. Your affection and love freely flowing through your eyes into your expression and body language, all directed at him, was overwhelmingly positive. He felt it in his heart that this moment would be cherished for the rest of his life.

Your laughter settled, and after a handful of seconds of simply staring at each other, you shivered. The fire in your veins wasn’t enough to keep the cold at bay after all.

“We should head back,” Stephen reached into his pocket for his sling ring and created a portal to the sanctum. Specifically, his bedroom.

“Oh, Stephen. You’re awfully forward today, aren’t you?” You teased as you stepped into the portal, cringing a bit when the rain water dripped off of you and formed a small puddle on the ground.

“That’s not—god, you’ll be the death of me.” He followed you in, heading straight for the bathroom connected to his bedroom and pulling out a couple towels. It was then he realized the issue.

“I should’ve portaled you home, huh?” He looked up from the towels in his hands to you who leaned on the doorway of the bathroom, the cloak of levitation floating behind you in the bedroom.

“You get it now?” You laughed softly as you stepped into the bathroom, reaching for one of the towels in the sorcerer’s hands. “It’s alright, we can just take turns with the shower.” Before he could suggest otherwise, you leaned in close enough to feel his warm breath on your cheeks. “Or, we could shower together?” The last thing you saw before a towel was thrown into your face was a wonderful blush growing on Stephen’s face.

In the end, he agreed to your initial solution because he didn’t want the night to end quite yet. You showered first and he lent you some clothes to change into. Your time together stretched into ungodly hours of the night and was spent cooking and eating dinner, talking, and a little bit of kissing. When it was time for you to leave, Stephen created a portal to the front of your apartment door, watched you go inside (even though it was literally only a few feet away), and spent another hour or so in bed replaying the events of the day and enjoying the warmth bubbling under his skin. It was safe to say you were in no better condition.

#stephen strange x male reader #stephen strange x reader #dr strange x male reader #dr strange x reader #dr strange fanfic #stephen strange fanfiction #marvel x male reader #fluff #marvel fluff #stephen strange fluff

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phanfictioncatalogue · 6 months

Text

Manchester (2) Masterlist

part one

2011 (ao3) - outphan

Summary: Dan and Phil move in together.

all the light we can see. (ao3) - commonemergency

Summary: Being back in Manchester even after all this time made him feel like he needed to be on edge for something that wouldn’t happen again—but sometimes the memories sat their in his bones, made him ache and reminded him that it was a part of him that would always exist, and he had learned to love and treat it the best that he could.

by the faded orange wall (ao3) - morelikeexisting

Summary: There are a few names scattered around on that horrendously orange wall, initials enclosed in hearts.

“Can we?” Dan asks, looking up at him through his eyelashes.

Phil smiles.

( or the one where they meet in Manchester and visit the same place nearly 10 years later )

december 4th: where the heart is (ao3) - angelmichelangelo

Summary: dan and phil visit manchester

doesn't feel right (ao3) - animad

Summary: Phil goes and visits his parents on the isle of man, leaving Dan home alone in the Manchester apartment for the first time.

doppelt. (ao3) - schnaf

Summary: The big wheel in Manchester. The big wheel in another Manchester. Phil's disappearance. Finding Phil - twice. Dealing with Doppelgängers. That's not exactly what Dan expected from their first meeting. But in the end, being with Phil is all that matters.

(TW) Far too young to die (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet

Summary: Dan relapses (he was never clean) and stays over at Phil’s apartment, a conversation ensues.

Fireworks (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: obligatory 2009 dnp fic featuring blushy!insecure!dan and bold!shameless!phil, manchester eye, and gross fluff

flicking through the pages (i've written in my memory) (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: Dan and Phil return to Manchester for a nostalgia-filled day before heading off on their world tour.

Going Nuts (ao3) - schnaf

Summary: Dan is going nuts in Manchester. But one midnight trip to the supermarket changes everything.

here, with you, there’s nothing else i need (ao3) - deathlytireddan

Summary: Sometimes Phil thinks the longer he knows Dan the more much he becomes. It doesn’t make sense, not really. Phil thinks Dan would get it, though.

I Think I'm Going to Like it Here (ao3) - dont-tell-them-i-write-phan (QueenJunoTheGreat)

Summary: Dan and Phil’s very first meeting at Manchester Piccadilly station, except they have cat and bunny ears because reasons

i'll go with you (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: Dan drops out of uni.

In Starbucks (with you) (ao3) - apoetacriminal

Summary: Things are just beginnig for them, but they’re also coming to an end. An afternoon in Manchester, a coffee shop sofa, and some memories.

In the Dark (ao3) - thewakeless

Summary: Dan and Phil decide to move in together.

It's Good To Be In Manchester (ao3) - danrifics

Summary: Dan and Phil are in Manchester visiting their friends Ian and Lauren Ian and Lauren’s daughter draws a cute photo of Phil.

(Based on a Phil insta story, link in notes)

It's not hair dye (ao3) - OliveTheHobbit

Summary: Dan is always finding ways to be loud about his sex life, isn't he?

Or the incident that originated the iconic tweet

I've got you, brother (ao3) - Findus26

Summary: Dan is visiting his family and as always, things turn sour quickly.

Dan wants to run back to Phil, but somehow, he finds himself in his brother’s room for what might be their first ever honest conversation.

Laws Of Attraction (ao3) - strawberrysunflower

Summary: When Phil turned twenty-nine, he wrote out a list of all the things he had in his life. One terraced house in Manchester, rented. Two housemates who still buy the cheapest alcohol on offer in Tesco. Three failed long-term relationships.

After a spur-of-the-moment Friday night out on Canal Street, Phil ends up in the bed of a very handsome stranger. It’s a nice yet meaningless distraction from his directionless life. No big deal. Until he bumps into him again. And again. And again...

Lovesick (ao3) - parentaladvisorybullshitcontent

Summary: "This was meant to happen."

"You know fate's bullshit, right?" Dan says, but his voice isn't as steady as it was a second ago.

"Not for us," Phil says.

In which it's 2009 and there's Dan, Phil and the Manchester Eye

luminescence (ao3) - howelllesters

Summary: When packing for London, Phil realises he's amassed quite the candle collection. So, naturally, he decides to light them all at once.

Manchester (ao3) - ahappyphil

Summary: 13 March 2010 @amazingphil- “Looking at apartments in Manchester:]”

meander through the garden of your mind (we can take our time) (ao3) - indistinct_echo

Summary: “I don’t—,” Dan starts but then cuts himself off. He takes a deep breath. “It’s not PJ’s reaction that I’m worried about. It’s the saying of words bit.”

a fic about identity and the ways we can create and explore it

Mess (ao3) - expiredlove

Summary: When Dan leaves, he always leaves a little mess behind.

missed time (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan comes back from India and goes straight to Manchester to see Phil.

Put my name at the top of your list (ao3) - trainsimulator

swept away (ao3) - bloodyscarab

Summary: you caught my drift when i was restless,

when the current flows

i'm gonna flow with you

swept away by diana ross

Up the Hill, Making Memories (ao3) - husbants

Summary: It's the night of October 19th, 2009. The bus has just dropped Dan and Phil off after their day in Manchester together. This doesn't mean the night is over, though: they've got one long hill to climb before they're getting to Phil's house.

(And maybe they are a little excited to get to Phil's house.)

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfic #phan #phanfiction #dan and phil #masterlists #Manchester #Manchester Masterlist

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br1ghtestlight · 3 months

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I’m curious about 13, 14, and 25 if you haven’t answered those already!

have already answered for 25 :)

the bob and louise angst au is one I have talked about a bit on tumblr its just an au where gene, tina and linda died in a car accident when louise was 3 years old and it's like a norman's hotel type vibe where bob and louise are VERY secluded and mostly keep to themselves. very traumatized by it all and bob is overprotective. mostly trying to analyze how gene and tina's existence affected louise and how it would be different if she never had older siblings. it's sad tbh i dont think i will ever properly do anything with it but i do think about it sometimes

Louise Belcher was an only child.

Her father said that she wasn’t. He told her that she had an older sister named Tina and an older brother named Gene, but they died in the same car accident that killed her mother when they were five and seven years old. Louise was too young when the accident happened to remember them, only three years old and not yet aware of herself or her place in their family, so in her mind she was an only child. That was how she grew up, and a brother and sister in Heaven didn’t change anything for her. She didn’t need them.

Sometimes, when Louise was alone and feeling sorry for herself, she would try to remember what her siblings' voices sounded like. She would try to remember what they would say to her back when they were alive, and the games they would play together. Louise was the youngest so she’d always get her way when she felt like their games were unfair. She would try but she could never quite remember.

Her father had shown her videos he recorded of her mother and even a few videos of when her siblings were younger, before Louise was even born, but nothing recent enough that it sparked a memory. They just looked like annoying toddlers to her. Not her siblings.

She’d seen pictures of them, when she asked her father to bring them out from where they were hidden in storage, but that wasn’t the same. They just looked like stock photos he pulled from the internet. They didn’t feel like real people that she had known.

my louise/rudy my girl fic in contrast is actually not angsty AT ALL it was just a silly little concept i wrote where louise watches my girl w/ her family and sees herself and rudy in the characters and gets stressed out that something bad could happen to rudy. she sees rudy at school and he's basically like louise im FINE nothing bad is ever going to happen to me i promise <3 it was just a stupid movie

Louise found My Girl to be painfully boring in the beginning but when Thomas J. Sennett was introduced, she found herself relating to his dynamic with Vada. He reminded her of her best friend Regular-Sized Rudy.

They were always riding bicycles around Rudy’s mother’s house and similarly to Thomas J. Sennett, Rudy was allergic to EVERYTHING! Louise still thought that this movie was stupid and she wasn’t interested in the romance aspect at all, but she appreciated seeing a friendship that reminded her of Rudy. Louise snuggled under Bob’s arm and continued watching My Girl with her family—occasionally laughing to herself at moments that she deemed to be cheesy or unrealistic—until there was a completely out of nowhere twist near the ending of the movie that even Louise hadn’t seen coming.

Thomas J. Sennett had an allergic reaction and DIED!

Vada was left trying to understand how her best friend had died from an allergic reaction and how to cope with the grief and heartbreak she was feeling, and Louise who had otherwise been disinterested for most of the movie suddenly found herself trying to suppress her emotions so that she wouldn’t cry in front of her family over a STUPID coming of age movie. Louise never cried when watching movies.

“This is so sad. It’s been such a long time since we watched this movie together, Bobby! I forgot that he dies at the end,” Linda said as she blew her nose into a tissue.

Linda was always the most emotionally impacted when they watched movies together as a family, especially when children dying was involved. She always said that it made her think about losing her own children and how heartbroken she would feel. Louise had her face buried in Bob’s side so that nobody would hear her sniffling or see the tears that were pouring down her face.

#ask #bob's burgers

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lorianbladeoflothric · 4 months

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CIRCE!!!!!! Idk your OCs very well sadly so instead I'm going to ask you about your interp of Millie's sisters! (apologies for the size of this ask I just really love ur fic about them! Please leave any blank if you dont wanna!!!)

Mary-

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

Maureen-

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

Pollyanna-

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

Amy-

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

They count as ocs to me lol, i haven’t written anything with the others (maybe later this year I will >u> ) Ty! This was fun and it helped me expand their characters a bit more since I didn't have an answer for some of these yet.

Mary

Alone: Mary is rarely completely alone. The cottage they live in is small and she shares a bedroom with her sisters. She spends her days among the kindred and servants of rot, praying with them and tending to the young or dying, or training against the cleanrot knights in the swamp.

When she does find herself alone, she tends to dwell on things she knows she shouldn’t. Like her and her sisters’ inevitable painful death, the idea that it’s too late and there’s nothing she can do to win her mother’s favor, the urges she sometimes gets to attack her sisters and what that could mean for her mind. Sometimes she prays in earnest, which is a desperate plea for her mother the Goddess to just acknowledge her.

Hate: this one is complicated. I could say she hates Millicent, but she doesn’t. She loves Millicent, and because she loves her she wants what she thinks is best for her and gets angry when she argues. I could say she hates her whole situation (what with the dying slowly thing), but she revels in her connection to the Goddess and adores Gowry and his cult. The truth is, the two things she hates the most are herself and Malenia.

Rather, her idea of Malenia. She hates that she would leave 4 of her daughters to die and only favor one. She hates that Malenia won’t answer not only her, but all of her children (including the kindred.) she feels abandoned, and because she feels this way— in addition to not being good enough for The Goddess in the first place— she hates herself.

Maureen

Hide: Maybe at one point she tried to hide how scarlet rot was affecting her mind, but once it got to a certain point that became impossible. Mostly, she hides her emotions. To her, everyone already has enough to deal with, so she downplays her fear and sadness or deflects with a joke/rude comment.

Wound: Like above, when she gets wounded, she tries not to let on how much it hurts. She's also pretty bad at taking care of her own injuries because she'll just forget they exist until they start hurting again (ex. Not changing a bandage on a cut until its already infected). The worst wound she's ever experience (outside of the brain-eating fungus) is when she was only five years old and they were fleeing Sellia, a sorcerer got her eye with a Night Comet spell, permanently scarring her and rendering her blind in that eye.

Pollyanna

Secret: So it's not something that nobody knows about, but it's something she hasn't told anyone but Mary and that was years ago. Polly can see Grace, and she was born with the ability to channel runes into strength, like a finger maiden. When she told Mary about the strange light she saw, Mary thought she was hallucinating and so she pretended that it just went away over time. Still, she feels drawn to it, she secretly hopes to one day be allowed to follow the guidance of Grace (even if she doesn't know what that is yet)

Midnight: All of the girls get nightmares thanks to the rot god trying to influence them. Pollyanna's also play on her insecurities when it comes to her sisters, specifically she often feels ignored or like she doesn't belong. Sometimes in her dreams they'll all have bloomed, leaving Caelid-- and her-- behind. Sometimes they'll all have died, and she's truly alone. A lot of the time, it's just bugs and rot and violence. They don't really phase her anymore, but she doesn't like to go back to sleep after having a nightmare, so she'll sneak out of the bedroom and practice her swordsmanship until everyone else starts to wake up.

Amy

Mistake: It was Amy's fault that they got run out of Sellia. She was very young, literally only three, so to say it's her fault is kinda extreme, but she feels like it is. She had trouble controlling the rot within her and was easily overwhelmed. She got lost one day and, in her panic, trailed spores through the town. It wasn't a huge event, but finding a lost child in a place that was suddenly growing scarlet rot and having that child be totally fine was cause enough for people to become suspicious. Within a week, Gowry and the other cultists had been found out and they had to flee into the tunnels. At this point, Amy is the only one who still blames her for this (well, Maureen does when she feels like being mean, but she doesn't mean it.)

Fear: Amy is afraid of losing herself. Her body is decaying faster than the others, but her mind has yet to be affected. She's scared that when it does, she'll just completely waste away and become a hollow shell of herself, like the cleanrots and the servants. She's often confronted with this fear, either through the people I just mentioned, or through Maureen's bouts of memory loss and brain fog, and she just tries to ignore it. To her, it's inevitable, and she'd rather live without the slow creeping dread of it looming over her.

#millicent’s sisters #ask game

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