#...yeah no one outside of the other mods is gonna know what I'm talking about here and maybe not even them

[layeredwanderings]

Got up to MHT5 before remembering I have a project I need to work on. So that's all for tonight. I find it interesting that Doc Slaughter writes her private notes expecting - hoping - that someone will read them. Maybe that's what the "more paranoid universe" bit means.

#User: Pilot #zampaniosim #Location: EastEast #easteast #I like camille. she seems fun #'Ria burns the world to ash when stressed' #is a sentence with intriguing implications #does the world get better? #or does she only attempt to burn it? #either way it's interesting #I like stories and characters where things don't try to be realistically possible #would love to write one someday. sadly I'm too much of a fan of internal rulesets and those tend to put limitations #on how much power and strangeness a world or character can contain #I have tried a few times though #with the red-eyes and the archival automaton #and also the angels. though that world wasn't one of mine #and it did end up falling apart (so I put them all into one of my own instead) but I'm still grateful for the chance to work with #a premise as strange to me as that #...yeah no one outside of the other mods is gonna know what I'm talking about here and maybe not even them #dont worry about it #just me thinking about worldbuilding and characters and the like #my point is I like this story even if - or maybe because - I don't get what's going on in it #'pilot didnt you already go thru the whole textsim a while back' yes but you see I am very forgor everything

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko Ch1. Replay 4

The fact she calls out to her mom when she is the one person who isn't gonna figure out a calm way to deal with this hurts, ouch. Even amongst all the hatred she has for her mom she still trusts her.

This line always stuck with me because of how insane it reads on the outside. She's 9! A whole 9! She's an infant what do you mean old! I guess it shows her toxic environment meant she was never allowed to act like a child and is bitter about it.

Hurts to read this. Clearly, they want to stop Rosa's abuse but don't know how. It's easy to judge them as cowards but realistically what can they do? Yell at Rosa who will then take it out on Maria more?

Honestly living on that island seems like abuser heaven so at least Jessica's parents aren't the worst, comparatively speaking. She has very limited contact with the outside world and every exit is very tightly controlled.

Setting up the "who gave Maria the umbrella" mystery I see Kanon!

It's really hard to not read Maria as autistic me, with her taking orders very literally, her word repetition, and her hyper fixation on magic stuff. Just makes the way Rosa blames her for getting bullied and not having friends even more horrific.

Kumasawa laughing at the prank she helped pull, lol

idk battler It could be the worst day of my life but if I'm getting a 5-star meal I'm mowing that down happily

It's a bit sad how clearly Battler holds Kyrie in high regard and obviously does kind of consider her family even if he denies it considering that Kyrie fucking hates him

I am using the Umineko Project version of Umineko, and you know, the console sprites for Umineko are a lot more varied than the 07th mod would led you to believe (not that I am criticizing them, I am sure there were technical reasons as to why they had to be removed) there are some with Eva holding her unfolded fan that I didn't screen earlier too)

Nanjo going along with the script and getting jumped on by everyone lol

Wow, way to talk about your child Rosa

Oh here is the portrait I was talking about earlier, also everyone's tune immediately flip flops about the letter when they realized its beneficial to getting money lmfao

It's kinda cute how much Jessica tries to prove she really is the one who hates her parents the most when she probably has the best relationship with her parents out of the cousins

Yeah yaeh you are so mature and understanding than your cousins George, not like you are the one most willing to cut off your parents when their money or status obsession gets in the way of your goals or anything

Doesn't work as well for a game where the opponent isn't really trying to win and doesn't always do the most logical moves, does it?

Kyrie's correct though, if they had simply asked her on her terms who Beatrice is from the start (Something along the lines of who was Beatrice possessing) she probably would have answered!

Well, it's more like she realized you were the best one to get the information she wanted, but you do love her too much to consider that.

He's so fucking scared of Kyrie and he should be, to be honest! Though it's partly your fault she's like this.

This is also probably R07's way of telling you to look at the heart and not just the murder mystery!

Obviously, Natsuhi doesn't believe this because she knows Kinzo is dead, though I wonder if she thinks this was s will he left to the servants or something?

i wanna punt this man

I think Natsuhi and Jessica is probably the only parent/child relationship in the game that probably would heal itself with time... they both understand what is going wrong but aren't sure how to fix it, and I think with Jessica going out of her parent's house soon she probably would have been able to understand her mother more and makeup once they saw each other again... it makes me a bit sad to think about how the tragedy made it impossible for that to happen.

I'm already crying fuck. They are both extending their hand to the other. They are making steps towards repairing their relationship! And it's all getting destroyed!

I wonder how many times conversations like this happened in reality. Genji trying to convince Yasu to allow themselves to live their life normally but Yasu thinking that they aren't worthy of that, and feeling deeply guilty when they did interact with others...

I wonder if George has ever really tried to engage with Shannon's own interests, knowledge, and likes, instead of just assuming because she is a servant that everything he tells her is new and exciting to her

#umineko #umiepisode1

[tagapagsalaysay]

Incomplete Irenator Gender Analysis Ramble

First things first. Irene is a trans woman and pretty much anyone on here knows this. The gender analysis isn't about his transition specifically, or proving reasons that he's trans. This is actually about gender roles that come up specifically about parenthood, traditional unit of the family and major medium of patriarchy and whatever. I was thinking about his whole approach in the usual but I felt like jokingly looking back on dumb shit so here we are.

I went with interpreting narrator's role in the equation as a parental figure, but it came from an odd place I think. I saw a while back someone trying to discredit romance between narrator and Stanley because narrator was a paternal figure to Stanley and well that's just dumb and I don't care. But the individual idea of narrator being a paternal figure not for spite is kind of interesting to continue on.

I'm gonna build a picture of mod nator first. Pre-gamergate, masculine voice leading masculine character. Would I say this is before he would examine his gender, yes probably. But my focus is on family dynamics. What advice is he giving, what expectations is he setting, etc. Even if he's not an actual canonical father, he operates as both a guardian figure and like, dad giving dad advice to another. The expectation of someone being as much of a macho hero as possible and then the other half where narrator manipulates him using his obligations as a father. Working for your family. Pleasing your wife. Being a strong man, which also translates into being a good father.

The male action hero archetype was shunned but for different reason. You simply needed to be rational and normal and wish for your own autonomy. It wasn't an outright reaction to harmful gender roles but it's close enough.

The dynamic doesn't change much in the first game either. The weight of the familial social structure is still there presented in altogether the same way. What next?

Tangent: Novelty. The mod/game was novel in terms of gameplay, but it can't be novel in everything. It was also Okay social commentary, but what I'm saying here is. Being ahead of its time isn't an objective goal to be self conscious about as a creator. It's something that depends on what is and isn't being discussed. And what people talk about is... subjective, more often than not. You can be ahead in terms of meta but lagging behind on everything else, things like gender. And that isn't a moral or creative failure. Nor an excuse.

Okay, from here, there are a lot of details I am missing. I wanted to bring up Irenator easing over nicely on the gender self-realization and presentation thing with no problem (Again, still outside the whole family discussion, and just personal interpretation) but realizing that he has yet to examine gender externally, especially through the familial structure. Or even just gender roles in general. Would he consider shifting his own moral guardian schtick as well?

And that comes in a lot on... untouchable ground. Yeah, like, I'm not playing the new game in a billion years at least, but it would have some of my answers. All I get is this picture of narrator examining not only Stanley's family and relationships but himself as well, and it would probably be so funny, but would also complete this entire analysis. But it's radioactive and I'm not touching a damn thing until I redeem myself in some arbitrary way.

I can only guess. Narrator envies Stanley's near-perfect (to cisheteropatriarchal standards) relationship, and somewhat realizes there could be unconventional ones outside a paternal and maternal figure. He then proceeds to either be envious or vain about it, because that's just what he does. The only context clues I get are personal hells.

I was wondering about this for the usual Irene distant backstory stuff, but it turned into an interesting exercise to practice for gender class. It's likely still shallow. But I also wanted to put an arc about Irene's journey of becoming pretty much a matriarch. Yes he's everyone's favorite funny grandma. But we would all like to hear how he's become one. And so it goes 💥

Man if you read all of that have a burger. I know there's probably also still the usual bias so feel free to fill me in on what your take is. -> 🍔

#post #undescribed #irene

[stonedstargazer666]

So I'm gonna be keeping a dream journal type thing, and posting the more interesting ones. So here is the first one. Please let me know what you think.

Sep 05, 2022

Isaac, TJ, and I were taking turns play zombies. Issac had just gotten a new place, and wanted us to spend the night. Knowing Issac, I knew there was something else. Just thinking about what else he had in mind, made my legs quiver. I quickly distracted myself, by looking at Facebook on my phone while TJ and him played. I felt eyes on me, casting a quick glance I saw that Isaac was staring at me. I started feeling warm, he knew. I saw him smirking at my reaction, pulling my knees to my chest. I watched TJ obliterate the hellhounds or whatever they are called, trying to ignore the looks Isaac was giving me.

After about five minutes since the last hellhound round, TJ finally was killed.

"Damn man! You did pretty good" Isaac said, I nodded.

" Yeah babe, that's the longest I've seen you survive by yourself." I said, relaxing. I slipped my legs into TJ's lap, and rested against the arm of the couch. In full view of Isaac, I smirked at him. TJ set the controller on the table, and leaned back. Talking to Isaac about something. I tuned them out, looking at my phone. Looking through Facebook, I relaxed more. Then I remembered I had my mod, and my disposable thc pen. I wanted to ask if I could smoke inside, but that was usually our sign. Biting my bottom lip, I sat there thinking about what to do.

"You ok raven?" Isaac asked, concerned. 'faker' I thought.

"Y-yeah" I said, looking him in the eyes. Raising my eyebrow.

"Was just wanted to smoke." I shrugged, looking back at my phone.

"Go for it, you don't even have to go outside." He said, I smiled.

"Well now I wanna go outside." I said getting up from the couch, and stretching.

Oh, you're actually going out?" TJ asked, I stopped.

"Umm maybe?" I asked, not knowing what to say.

"If it's ok with you, I'd rather stay inside." TJ said, I nodded.

"Yeah that's fine." I said, walking towards the door for my shoes.

"My mom wanted to talk for a few anyway." I said, bracing myself against the wall. Pulling on my shoes, and slipping into my jacket I gave myself a final check to make sure I had everything. I looked back to see that TJ had picked up the controller ready to play another game. I shot Isaac a quick glance, raising my eyebrow when he looked at me.

'he says that he's manipulative, and he's proved that multiple times to me already…' I thought to myself, making my way to his apartment complexes smoking area.

I got my mod out, and took a few hits. Texting my mom instead of calling, I didn't want her to even find out what was going on. Or how long it's been going on for that matter. I took out my disposable thc pen and took a hit. It didn't matter if I was sober or stoned. My body reacted just the same. Submissive. I was lost in thought, when I vaguely heard someone walking behind me. The walking stopped right behind me, a small chill running down my spine. Deciding to ignore the presence, I unlocked my phone to answer my mom's text. I felt hands slowly, and firmly grip my hips.

'damn I knew I should've sit down!' I yelled mentally. I tried ignoring it, and kept texting my mom. I felt the hands slide up underneath my jacket and shirt. Gripping my waist. An involuntary squeak left my lips, I tried to cover it with a cough. But it was too late.

" Put your stuff down, now." He said, from behind me. Rubbing up against my ass, I could feel how hard he was. I wriggled out of his grasp, and walked to the nearest table to set my stuff down. I kept my hands on the table, steadying my breathing. I felt him come up behind me, one hand on my hip the other up between my shoulders. Pushing me down, until my cheek rested on the tabletop.

"Keep your hands where they are, and keep your mouth shut." He growled in my left ear, knowing that I couldn't hear well in that ear. But I could feel the vibration from his voice. I shuddered and nodded. Biting my bottom lip, I felt him rubbing through my leggings. I let out a small whimper, I knew how this was going down. Isaac was going to rile me up, and then leave. Leaving me to calm down as much as I can, then he'll continue to tease until he can see an opportunity to get inside of me.

He had heard the whimper, and the hand between my shoulders pushed down a little. Causing me to gasp through my nose, biting my lip harder.

"Stay down" he said, pulling his hand away. I nodded, the table lightly scratching my cheek. I kept my hands on the table, and closed my eyes. Isaac pulled my legs apart, and pulled my leggings down just a little bit. My thighs shook with anticipation, I heard him chuckle.

" My my, someone is excited.." he trailed off, one of his hands reached around slipping into my pants. His hand made it's way to my clit, slowly making circles. My eyes snapped open, as my body tensed.

"God, Raven you are soaked. Lucky for you these are black. But there are puddles around, and I had the foresight to bring an extra pair of pants for you." He whispered in my ear, I nodded. He continued to rub my clit, and rubbed his hard on against my ass.

"You're staying the night, I'll have more time to tease you. But for now, I'm going to fuck you. Reward you for being such a good girl, and acting normal around TJ." Isaac grunted, I let out a soft breathy moan. It was barely a whisper.

#steamydream #my dreams #dream journal #sexy dreams

[lgbtqlegends]

ava has to flirt with someone for a mission and at first sara’s like ‘please i’m total chill’ but turns out she isn’t chill AT ALL and really bothers her in a 🔪🔪 way

ooo nice!! thanks for the ask n hope you enjoy!! okay so we're actually gonna do 2 different versions of headcanons for this ask, bc we both had the exact same thoughts regarding the scenario, so we just decided that i'd write them both :)

VERSION 1

-so,,, ava has to flirt with someone for a mission, and sara's like "pssh yeah it's totally fine, i'm chill. in fact chill is my middle name"

-but then sara's watching them flirt, and maybe the other person's being overly touchy-feely, and sara's insecurities about being enough/being what ava needs kinda flare up

-she gets a bit like restless and antsy, and even though she knows the flirting is fake, she just can't stop the little voice in her head from telling her that maybe ava would be better off with someone else

-part of her wants to go over n like kiss ava right in front of the other person, just to make sure they know that they don't have a chance, but she knows she can't do that without breaking their cover and ruining the mission

-the more she watches the more restless she gets, until she bolts out of the bar or w/e they are because she just needs to like get some fresh air and cool down before she has the chance to do something she knows she'll regret

-ava sees her leave and she wants to go after her so bad but she can't yet, so the minute her part in the mission is over, she goes to find sara to make sure she's alright

-sara's still outside getting fresh air, and they have a brief conversation (which they continue later once they're alone in their room on the waverider) and they try to like,, sort everything out as much as they can for the time being until they have more time alone

-sara's still a little restless even after they talk, so before they have to focus on the mission again, ava takes a minute to pull sara into a hug and like rub her arms up and down to try to help her relax a bit

-(later once they're alone, ava quells sara's insecurities with actions rather than words, and she shows sara just how much she loves and wants Her)

VERSION 2

-okay so both mod choco and i really liked the original request idea, but we also both love poly!legends/poly!sara headcanons, so we were like "but wait sara probably Would actually be chill about it" so,, here's where this version comes in (she's still Not Chill abt something, it's just not the actual flirting part)

-so ava has to flirt with someone on a mission, and sara's completely chill abt that part and it doesn't bother her or anything

-but the person ava has to flirt with turns out to be a total super big douche, and that's the part that sara is very much Not Chill about

-she tenses up and gets restless, waiting for the person to make one wrong move so that she can get up and fight

-as soon as the asshole grabs ava's arm, sara is seeing red and she's already up out of her seat and across the bar ready to throw hands within a matter of seconds

-everyone in their general vicinity can see the fury in sara's eyes and can tell that she's a force to be reckoned with, so they all kinda steer clear and step back out of the way (except for the asshole who doesn't know who they're up against and ava, who knows that she's safe and that sara's not gonna hurt her)

-sara May Have gone off and went a little overboard with the beatdown she gives, so when it gets a bit too much, ava gently pulls her away and out of the bar to get some fresh air

-sara's like shaking with rage and she's still seeing red, so ava gently pushes her to lean back against the cool bricks and then places a hand over sara's chest n rubs her shoulder to try to get her to take deep breaths

-once sara stops seeing red, she lets out a shaky breath and then steps closer to ava, and ava just pulls her into a hug and rubs her back to try to help her calm down more

-once the mission is over and they're alone in their room, sara is still feeling a little restless, so ava helps her get rid of the extra energy, first with a short workout and then with sex, bc those are 2 tried n true methods of helping sara release energy

#avalance #sara lance #ava sharpe #legends of tomorrow #headcanons #headcanon prompts

[two-dudes-and-a-bomb]

Parks and Recreation: The Coffeepot Mystery - FNF Version 🎤

Cheeky: *looks at the group of younger FnF characters/mods, who are gathered around a coffee maker on the counter* So... who broke it?

... *Silence* ...

Cheeky: I'm not mad. I just want to know.

Ruby: *looks around the room nervously before raising her hand and speaking up* I-I did. It was me-

Cheeky: *raises a hand to silence her* No, no you didn't. *glances at the boy with black wings in the rose-coloured sweater* Selever?

Selever: Hey, don't look at me.. Look at octopus-face.

AGOTI: WHAT?! I didn't break it!

Selever: Huh. That's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

AGOTI: *glares at him in annoyance* Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.

Selever: *glares at him skeptically* That sounds pretty sus.

AGOTI: NO IT'S NOT!!!

Pico: Uh, hey, I dunno if this matters - *shrugs* probably not - but *points at the blonde elf lady standing next to him* Rosie was the last one to use it.

Rosie: *immediately turns to look at him, shocked & offended* Liar! I don't even drink that garbage brand they use!

Pico: *raises an eyebrow at her while he folds his arms* Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart 2 hours ago?

Rosie: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles; everybody knows that, Pico!

Ruby: Okay! Okay! Let's not fight, you guys! Um, I broke it, let me pay for it, sir-

Cheeky: *raises hand to silence her a second time* No! WHO broke it??!

Bob [from the Vs. Bob and Bosip mod, not the other Bob]: .... Hmmm. *looks briefly at Sunday, then at Cheeky* Hey, Cheeky... Sunday has been awfully quiet.

Sunday: *looks at him in shock* REALLY??!

Bob: Yeah "really"!

Sunday: OH my Go-

*Everyone starts arguing with one another all at once, except Cheeky, who just watches*

* Epilogue *

Cheeky: *talking to Tankman, Hank, Solazar & Anders inside his office* I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it out of instinct. I predict that about... *checks his watch* ten minutes from now, the kids'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. *turns to look at the youngsters outside as they continue to argue, then looks back* It's gonna be hilarious.

*Tankman laughs while Solazar just facepalms with a tired sigh*

~Fin.

I love this! 

#firday night funkin #friday night funkin tabi #Pico fnf #Tankman fnf #agoti #fnf #fnf mod #oneshot #Sunday fnf

[autisticlalna]

Okay time for more Karl and Honk thoughts!! I actually felt pretty similar about DreamXD and Ranboo being in Tales lore, because they didn't feel super connected for a long time? I'm used to DXD mostly being a George lore character, but since he's since hung out with Foolish and stuff, it does make sense that he's reached out to Karl, too. And especially the reveal that he actually made both dimensions, it feels less like he's been shoehorned in and more like we're uncovering the mystery of the Inbetween and Other Side. Which is really cool!! And his world is sooooo gorgeous, all the gears and stuff on the edges are so big, I thought they'd been modded in to be more circular! But they're just enormous and extremely cool!!

And I'm mostly on the same page with Ranboo being the other time traveler, at least so far. It felt like a lot of the similarities between Karl and Ranboo were coincidences as Karl started losing his memory, and the white/black theme is just something cool they happened to share? So it felt less likely they were actually related, especially when Ranboo was doing all his own lore with Dream. Except I think cc!Ranboo said he was gonna be more important in Tales lore at some point, and I believe he tweeted something kind of teasing that his issues with choosing sides were because he had his own Inbetween/Other Side stuff? So not sure if they're going in that direction now. I'll probably want to keep an eye on Ranboo's lore to see if he starts hinting at anything, but if they do plan on exploring the last time traveler more, I'm so interested to see who it actually is, if it's even someone we know already or someone new.

But yeaah, I'm gonna be so interested to see more of how the Inbetween and Other Side try to win Karl over. I assumed the Other Side Overseer was basically saying the Inbetween is the favorite child, so it was more powerful? But gosh, yeah, I really want to know what both dimensions are hoping to get out of this. The Other Side is framing itself as helping Karl do better in future time travels, while the Inbetween is now saying it'll help Karl live in the present, but those are both what Karl can get out of them, not what they can get from Karl. And like, yeah, the Inbetween has been saying it's gonna help Karl control his powers for ages - how is it actually gonna start doing that, now that Karl has an alternative?

I'm, like!! Legitimately curious what cracks there were in the Maze, too, because it looked like a pretty solid track, hahaha. But especially right now, Karl's gonna get so hung up on how either dimension can help him he's not gonna try to escape either!!! Not gonna think to confront XD about it!!

But, like. Right?? At the moment, the Other Side is definitely the lesser of two evils. Even if it explicitly doesn't care about Karl's present, it does say it wants to improve things overall. Though I am really curious how the scenes from Tales past will go - positively losing it at the idea of Karl getting to talk to old friends and how that'll affect him.. And the idea of another force at play, one that can affect the Inbetween over the Overseer's head, is simultaneously encouraging (there's something that powerful that could help Karl?) and terrifying (there's something that powerful that could hurt Karl??).

And!!! The Honk side of it all!! The way the Inbetween is presenting itself now, it even makes sense outside of the corruption for Honk to favor it over the Other Side. Karl keeping his memories (and not giving them all to Honk) is good! Karl controlling when he time travels is good! Karl not spending all his time in the Other Side, talking to people long-dead or not-yet-born, is good!! But then there's all the times the Inbetween has harmed Karl, has harmed Honk, that he has to consider even through the corruption. And the idea of Karl starting to lean towards the Other Side and pulling Honk the same way, gosh, Honk would really have to put so much thought into how much of him is (a) the Inbetween, (b) the Other Side, (c) Karl's memories, and (d) actually himself. Like!!! Honk!!! The best boy!!! He is not having an easy time of it!! And Karl would feel so much responsibility to do what's best for both of them, because he's not the only one who gets hurt by these forces!!

And also, like, as they are now, I love the poeticism of Honk leaning towards the Inbetween, because it's self-preservation and conserving what you love. Shadow favors light. Compared to Karl leaning towards the Other Side, even calling it morally right, because it will let him save more people even at the cost of himself. Original favors shadow. And even as they are both pawns, they work together to find a happy medium that does not involve choosing one side but taking the best of both. Like, long-form, the Inbetween and Other Side set up such an amazing parallel arc for Karl and Honk!! And because they're people and not dimensions, they're the ones who can make it work!

And oh my gosh, that's such a brilliant and terrifying thought?? XD's last try at a time traveler stopped being entertaining, and he can't stop Karl from losing his memories - but he can keep them in a safe place and start training his replacement. Maaaaan!!!

hi this has been in my inbox for WAAAYYYY longer than intended, i kept meaning to reply but ive been kinda having A Week so i kept forgetting fhgkxdjhgdf BUT . ALL O FTHIS . MAN. the tales build team are fucking wizards

i actually forgot about cc!ranboo saying he was gonna be more important in tales lore, or i guess at the time i took it as being about ranbob & ran + the egg calling ranboo a servant(?) bc of ranbutler. that being said though i do see where people are coming from (and honestly karl's split-colours thing in dXD's world made me go "HUH.") even if im not fully on board yet. it IS nice that stuff feels more interconnected now, seeing as tales was just kinda off on its own story-wise and didnt have much grounding with the rest of the smp! also we are now getting even more kingdom hearts-y in vibes which i am ALWAYS on board for

im gonna need to like. rewatch the end segment and do some analysis probably. i feel like theres a lot of wording / emphasis i can take a look at to figure out what's being implied and work from there. the overseers especially are Intriguing because theyre definitely hiding stuff / not telling karl the whole story, it's just a matter of figuring out what's Actually True and what's them wallpapering over what they don't want karl to realize. the other-side is pretty upfront about what it wants from karl imho: karl's memories manifesting will theoretically help him come to terms with the mistakes he made in the past, but also right now the other-side is... barren. it Needs karl there to flesh it out, to give it life, to fulfill the purpose dXD made it for. even then, though, it's purely focused on the memories karl makes during his travels-- it doesn't want to preserve karl himself, it just wants to preserve what he sees. it's a more physical version of the library the inbetween kept stressing is so important to keep safe

GOD YEAH THE MAZE......... tbh with how wide open some parts of it was, especially the desert, its probably likely that there was stuff hidden that they just. didnt go for. because they were so focused on the objective. it's a much bigger world than just the goal, but you need to actually challenge the rules and step off the path (DON'T STRAY FROM THE PATH AAAAA) to begin to have a chance. Fuck

man what the FUCK is up with the inbetween. why did that happen. the overseer was very clear about "that was not me" but if they werent then who WAS. was it dXD? probably not bc of dXD being the one presenting the choice to karl in the first place. was it the inbetween itself? does the other-side also have the potential to get ?corrupted? and lash out like that? the warning books were definitely from the previous time traveler right? did dXD "getting rid of" the previous traveler cause the inbetween to become possessive? there are SO MANY QUESTIONS and i am so excited for answers

YEAH!! YEA YEAH YEAH like, honk's "loyalties" are gonna be kinda tangled either way bc of feeling guilty over being used to hurt karl but also maybe things ARE okay now, maybe the overseer's right, maybe it's safe now, maybe the inbetween can help now, but karl still having that (very understandable) distrust and yeah like you said he feels like the other-side is the more Morally Correct out of those options bc of getting to preserve the people he meets as, like, people, and not just words on a page, and trying to fix all of the mistakes he made and get some sort of closure. but man yeah honk is gonna end up at the center of all of this. he's already struggling with "wanting karl to be safe" vs "karl needs to protect the timeline", and meanwhile karl's having to weigh his self-preservation against doing what he's fated to do and if he wants to try and find the cracks, seek a way out, if he even fully realizes he can do that yet

i am constantly surprised about how well spau links up with tales. like, considering honk was me cartwheeling into the 77-2 discord like HEY GUYS I LIKE TALES NOW IM GONNA GIVE KARL A SHADOW and then building from there it's been working REALLY well and i have. so many thoughts. aaaa

#leos reply #long post #dsmp #tales #shadow people au #MANY WORDS IN BRAIN. BRRRRRRRRRRRR #leo.txt

[non-binharry]

(1) This is gonna be quite long, just a warning. So if you just want to read and not post it all or just answer in tags that is fine :) I won't be offended or sad I promise :) I also might have to wait to send all because of the ask limit, but will make clear when it's 'the end'. Regarding the talk about blp versus bhk - as someone who does read both and visit(ed) both blogs, I would say you can definitely tell a difference. I don't know much about the mods on bhk so I can't really speak out,

(2) but from what I've seen they are friendly and open-minded! But I mean more in the blogs and the content/how it's presented. Both might be 'themed' and this is of course totally fine, I don't see a problem at all in having a blog specifically about something, or have fic recs for bh/bl - you like what you like. Bhk however, don't claim that they're 'right' and 'you are wrong' and that is that. They simply have a themed blog. They post manips and fic recs and outside of that they post ACTUAL

(3) THINGS that happened. They post all the things that happen and don't ignore anything to fit a top/bottom stereotype. They post 'scruffy Harry', they posted the long-haired Louis pictures. They post flamboyant Louis. Yesterday they posted a moodboard about Omega Louis and Alpha Harry. That is just something blp would never do, in a million years. Omega Harry on their blog? Yeah, no. Harry in his dresses, fishnets etc, not a chance. Bhk also doesn't have the weird safety check thing, they

(4) posted a fic that had top H 'mentions' the other day and it was nothing! Yes they are a bottom H blog and so the fics will be bottom H and not vers etc, but it's not like 'we're saving you from the bottom Louis content!!' either. They do have the 'trans Harry' tag, but if you take a moment to actually check it out you can see it's not connected to the rest of the blog. They're not saying Harry is a bottom/femme/princess and therefore he's trans. They're talking and giving a space to people

(5) who connect with what H is saying. Things he's actually done and not a headcanon. Now what I use blp for is their fic-tags. Actually I did years ago before all this 'plague' shit happened, or at least that I noticed. I like reading bottom Louis and so it was a good place to find fics, and like you said the other day it's pretty much the only place to find any. And it IS actually a good tag-system/collection of fics, I'll give them that. It's a lot of bl fics included and not just those

(6) very ooc ones. Seeing as many fics are not tagged as bh/bl it can be hard to find otherwise. People totally have the right to NOT tag this and many people say it shouldn't matter who tops and I definitely agree (in a way), a story can be GREAT either way, but I also think it's okay to have a preference and simply not be into one or the other. I for one would never read a HET fic for example, since I just find it boring and not interesting at all. So just reading bh or bl is fine. But if you

(7) don't like something or a fic have a scene that you're not into, just skip it! Move on and read something else. Don't go all 'eww gross' or warn about 'vibes'. That is just weird. Hence why I don't look at the actual blp BLOG, only the tags when I need to find a fic. Another big difference - I've yet to see one 'Bharrie' say bottom Louis is 'disgusting' or 'make them vomit'. Meanwhile I see this all the time with Blouies and bottom Harry. And this is about REAL LIFE H/L. Who the fuck does

(8) that? Do they say this about other irl couples too? Imagine them seeing it. Actually imagine having 'bl' or 'bh' or anything in your PROFILE and in a twitter name and proudly be one as your entire personality? Writing about Louis' 'p*ssy' on main and messaging him with the same one. I would be dead embarrassed if it was me. It's not even slightly better than the stalkers harrasing them in the streets asking to sign birth control or some shit. The lack of self awareness. / A final note: I'm

(9) cis myself, so I can't speak from experience and therefore I am in no way claiming anything I say. I can just go on what I would imagine it would be like. About the discussion and talking about H possibly being trans/non-cis. First of all, he's put himself out there several times now. It's not like you go on rumours or straight up speculation. You wouldn't just pick someone for fun and 'make them' into something because you WANT HIM for your own sake. Just like we wouldn't have with Larry if

(10) we didn't honestly believe in them. It's just not right to do. Harry HAS shown things though. Things beyond clothes and being 'femme'. I might be cis, but even I can see there is more to the story. The way he talks about things. The way he presents himself and acts in general. So I then went looking for more about it and came across yours and other blogs where it was talked about and I realised I wasn't alone in my observations. I just couldn't put it into words since I wouldn't actually

(11) know what it's like. So you go on things that exist and you don't claim him being trans as absolute truth or try and define exactly what it means to him. But if it's wrong to say Harry could be non-cis, then the same should be said about the other way around. It's funny how they don't see that? How they don't realise that saying 'Harry is a CIS MAN, stop being disgusting you freaks!' isn't extremely damaging. Not just to him if he ever sees it but to others as well. Just, fuck that

(12) shit :( End of rant. Mostly me just rambling on and for that I'm sorry! I get if you've talked about this enough and like I said, you don't have to post. I just wanted to share my views :) Also if I said anything wrong or ignorant, please correct me! All the love xx (end)

#anonymous #mensaje mensaje #long post #i'm actually so in love with this entire rant anon! #this was buried in the drafts (for some reason when i draft asks they don't save chronologically unless it's by date received?) #so sorry for taking so long to find it #its a MESS in there #but you nailed every bit of this message

[illnessfaker]

do you have any resources on OSDD? like more in depth than just the diagnostic criteria, i'm very familiar with those, i guess more...people talking abt what it feels like? I have cptsd and I've been noticing things very similar to what you described in your post for a long time now. I thought I had DID for sure a while ago, but I was also actively manic/psychotic, so when that calmed down I assumed I had just been delusional. But the identity disturbances and dissociation persist. I don't think it's DID now it's osdd if it's anything but I'm wary of saying that for sure and rly would like some i guess more descriptive accounts of how symptoms are for someone with it. Sorry if this is a lot/you don't have anything of that nature, I'm glad to hear you're figuring out your own multiplicity and hope the understanding helps you in your healing process!

firstly, thank you for your kind words 😊

@/this-is-not-dissociative has a lot of info about did/osdd-1 (and other dissociative stuff) as well as having did/osdd-1 vs. dissociation in bpd/cptsd - though it's possible to have did/osdd-1 and bpd/cptsd of course - and did-research.org talks about osdd-1 a little bit (especially vs. having full-blown did). these are probably the best resources i can point you towards even though they don't contain many personal accounts. the first blog is staunchly against self-dx iirc and there's a lot of "you should speak to a professional about this" but u know how it is (at the very least they provide a lot of info and resources on how to go about doing that, it seems.)

some posts in particular that may be informative/helpful to you (there are probably many reasons to dislike this blog but it's what i've found most informative so yeah):

anp and ep, + an explanation of structural dissociation and how it models ptsd, cptsd, bpd, osdd-1, and did.

anp and avoiding trauma

an example of did vs. osdd-1

parts in bpd/cptsd vs. osdd-1

parts in cptsd vs. osdd-1 (this mod "kevin" has osdd-1, by the way)

parts vs. fragments vs. alters

alters not being easy to recognize

identity confusion vs. identity alteration

( read-more bc this got long despite it being past my bedtime lmao )

the problem w personal accounts of stuff and did/osdd-1 is presentations of these diagnoes will differ from person to person, sometimes greatly. contrary to media depiction they're also covert disorders by nature - they're psychological coping mechanisms for intense distress, and part of those coping mechanisms is being ignorant to the fact that your sense of self is fragmented / there are parts of your sense of self that are attached to trauma. i know of several folks who were initially diagnosed with osdd-1 but then later re-diagnosed as having did because the severity of their situation was very effectively hidden from them by this dissociation.

( another problem is that ppl are flawed and can give bad/wrong info on how stuff works or trends can give the wrong impression and unfortunately that's very common w did/osdd-1 spaces online. e.g. u don't have to know the name, age, etc. or know who's "fronting" or whatever with elaborate tagging systems and pages on ur blog with said info abt ur parts or "alters" to have did/osdd-1. worrying abt that stuff too much can worsen dissociation. )

it's not common for someone to have did/osdd-1 and for it to be obvious to themselves or others (who don't know what to look for, that is). this is why no small number of folks with did/osdd-1 are seemingly well-functioning on the outside since different dissociated parts often serve "everyday life" purposes such as going to work/school and these parts are the ones disconnected from traumatic "materials" as they're called. part of the reason why i'm wanting to conceptualize my experiences as osdd-1 is due to the fact that my default state (the "host"?) is emotionally dissociated from my trauma - i know it happened, but it seemed like it happened to "this body" rather than "me" and i don't feel anything about it until i get triggered. "apparently normal parts" that handle everyday life are usually trauma-avoidant or separated from the trauma like this in some way.

that being said, i'm still not totally sure if i qualify for an osdd-1 diagnosis or not tbqh. my situation is most like the "some individuals with OSDD-1 lack both amnesia and highly distinct parts" mentioned in the page i above linked (but yesterday and this morning/afternoon i was convinced i did - go figure). i'd been researching did/osdd-1 for a while (not necessarily because i thought it was what i was experiencing) which is part of what helped me come to terms with having experienced dissociation for a long time, and i thought up until like...the other day i definitely didn't have it. i came to believe i had some weird bpd/cptsd/szpd-like situation where emotional states had been "locked away" in boxes that i rarely touched as a defense mechanism against psychological distress. i also had a metaphor for my "emotional part(s)" as it/them being like, (a) ghost(s) that follow me around and aren't evil but occasionally "wrap their hands around my throat" to remind me that they're there.

then i saw someone w an osdd-1 diagnosis talk abt how they have parts whose "job" is to "feel sadness for them" as a defense mechanism against that kinda distress and then i was like...huh. and then i thought about how seeing my parents again felt kinda weird and distant. and that's kinda what tipped me off, despite having a pretty unstable sense of self and dissociation issues for a while. the "seeing my parents" thing is somewhat more major, because it felt different from my "default setting." thinking about it is uncomfortable and weird.

ur gonna have to do a lot of reading, tbh, and doing it in moderation is probably a good idea since thinking too much abt dissociation can trigger it. another thing is that conceptualizing yourself as having did/osdd-1 when you don't actually have that experience can worsen dissociation/identity issues as well so u gotta be careful abt how u approach it. but at the same time, cptsd and did/osdd-1 have mostly the same treatment methods anyway (and technically u gotta have cptsd to have did/osdd-1, not as like a diagnostic requirement really but a "you have to be traumatized from long-term traumatic experiences at a young age" sense) so many resources abt did/osdd-1 may be helpful to u regardless of whether you "have" them or not.

i can't tell u how to differentiate between symptoms of psychosis and did/osdd-1 (the blog i mentioned may have posts about that topic - there's two in their master-posts but neither were particularly helpful i don't think) since afaik i'm not psychotic but i wish you luck!

#no reblogs - #asks #Anonymous #resources

[dangan-happy]

give me back my glitter, monomi!!!

hi mods, i hope things are doing well for all of you.. i don't usually do things like this, but I'm desperate, i guess. i don't really have anyone to go to. i DO have online friends, but they're already busy with their own problems and i don't want to make it worse.

since lockdown and online school started, my executive dysfunction is getting worse. i keep submit my assignments past due date. it's so hard for me to start working for some reason... especially past the due dates. i usually had my energy and motivation in this kind of stuff after some time recovering (even though it took months...), but after almost a year, i just can't seem to grasp that energy and motivation anymore. the feeling of overwhelm and fear keeps holding me back.

my parents don't help either. they keep me up until 12 or 1 am almost every nights doing extra chores. I'm more focused at nights, so i feel exhausted and passed out the whole day most of the time. if i tell them i have assignments to do, no matter how important it is, they would get angry and threaten to punish me by taking my devices away (which is not good bc i need them for school).

i did ask for help in a server i used to be in, they said sleeping, showering, and taking walks would help. but I'm not allowed to go outside, and if I *do* sleep, I don't have much time for assignments except for chores given by my parents. showering and pacing around my room wont help either. and if i DO get time to do my assignments, i would be scared and doubting to do it and find myself staring blankly at the wall for a long time.

i can't even do my own hobbies like drawing and reading novels because i keep worrying about my assignments!!!! but like i said before.. it's so hard to start working and stay focused. i tried so hard, but i keep blanking out.. and my hands refused to work. i swear, i really tried and i HATE being not able to work like any other normal students.

I'm scared for my future. my grades decide for my future and my family depend on it. I'm very close on graduating highschool. I'm the oldest child of two, yet I'm not showing a good example infront of my younger brother (who is 7 btw). I swear I'm trying to be a better person, not just for my family but also for myself.... I want to work hard, I want to be a good student like I used to be but I find it very difficult. I feel so alone.

that's all i could remember in my mind. thinking about it in more details make me feel horrible. i wouldn't ask for advices because i doubt they could help me anymore (although the efforts would be appreciated), but may i ask for encouragement from komaeda, rantaro and/or taichi fujisaki? (if all three can't make it, then I'll ask for taichi only instead if that's no trouble) i keep feeling about giving up and i don't want that. maybe a little push? my English isnt my main language, i hope i make sense. thaank you and have a nice day!

H-Holy moly with a side of macaroni, kiddo. That’s a huge plateful right there; you truly have been going through a lot, huh? Don’t worry about your English, by the way; for it not being your main language, you did a great job! Phew, for a moment there, I was almost ready to program some advice. Heh, see what I did there, kiddo? A-Anyway, I’m just glad you spoke up about just wanting some encouragement and a bit of a push instead. I hope a average programmer like myself can do just that.

Kiddo, I acknowledge that things are really rough for you right now. I-It probably feels like you’re up against this huge computer virus that you can’t seem to destroy or shake off. O-Okay, that was sort of a bad, bias metaphor, so I’ll say something else. It... I-It probably feels like despair; despair that might feel too overwhelming for you. But while I may know more about programming than anything else first, I do know something else that isn’t related to programming, and that is: You can and will get through this. I-I believe in the power of hope, and you should, too! I have hope in you, kiddo, and I mean that. I have hope that you’ll be able to fix your academic issues; hope that you’ll continue to work hard and better yourself as a individual; hope that you’ll succeed and show others just how talented you truly are. Of course, I know you didn’t ask for advice, b-but just keep in mind that if you ever need to confide in someone, please confide in someone. Don’t hold it all in. Whether it be me, someone else on this blog, or someone else entirely in your life, just try not to bottle it all up, o-okay?

I see a bright, hopeful future for you, kiddo. I-I’m serious! I’m more serious than when I finished my most recent programming project last minute, and that project was... a rather important, huge one. L-Like I said, things are rough right now, but that doesn’t determine your future. As long as you try your best, th-then what more can anyone ask for? I-I only ask for the best from my child, and so, the same goes for you, too, kiddo. J-Just do your best to stay on the side of hope, and keep your head held up high. I’ll even help you with gaining some hope of your own, if you want.

I-I know you didn’t ask for one, but if hugs count as giving you a little push, then mind if I give you one, kiddo? Y-You deserve it for having to deal with this much despair and fighting back against it. I hope some of this made you feel better and gave you what you wanted. I’ll be on my computer if I’m needed again, kiddo.

-

Hey there anon, don't worry about it. I'm happy to help out. Things are going pretty well for me, thanks for asking, but let's focus on you now. I'm real sorry you're so desperate. Yeah, this whole blog thing is an interesting way to do things, but I'm glad we can be an outlet for you, at least for now. That's a real nice thing for you to do, worrying about your friends like that. Just know that you don't have to keep things like this in. You're not a burden, and you don't have to stay quiet. I can't say I know too much about executive dysfunction, at least at a personal experience level, but I do have a general idea of what it is. Times are freaking crazy. It makes sense that you're relapsing, as crappy as that is. You said that fear is holding you back, and is there something specific that makes you afraid? Maybe exploring that will help you out a little.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like your parents are any help at all! What chore is important enough for you to stay up past midnight? That seems more than a little crazy in my book, and I think that's probably a big thing that's holding you back from getting stuff done. You've obviously heard this before, but sleep is important. With the chores thing and device thing combined, yeah, they're a huge roadblock. Yeah, that is some pretty good general advice you got from the other server, but yeah, I don't think that's gonna be too helpful for your specific situation. Is there any way you could motivate yourself? That's another thing that doesn't help in all situations, but it's something to keep in mind. Hey, you can't help the fact that you don't work like other students, you can't control your feelings all the time, and that's ok. It sounds like you're stuck in a cycle of chores, minimal sleep and stress over assignments, and that would take a toll on anyone. Could you use your hobbies as a way to motivate yourself? Maybe work for five minutes, then read or draw for five minutes?

Hey, you're almost graduating, and I think that's awesome! Even if you're struggling a little now, you've come a long way. Honestly, I don't think you should feel too guilty about not being a good example. Honestly, I don't think you're a bad example at all. The odds are kind of against you, and you got things and people actively making it harder. I can tell how hard you're working, and that's seriously amazing. You've sure as hell earned my respect. I think you're actively fighting to be the person you want to be, and I'm so proud of you for that. You're not alone, that's for sure. I'm no stellar student myself, and I've seen a whole lot of people give up way faster than you have. It's ok, you got your point across, and you don't gotta think about it anymore if you don't want to. Honestly, yeah I don't think I have a whole lot of advice aside for this. I think you wanna talk to teachers, or a counselor, or any other professional who can get you some extra help. There's not a lot I or any non professional can do on our ends, and I think the extra help would really help you out. Yeah, you sure as hell shouldn't give up. You're so close, and you're not as hopeless as you think you are. I can tell you're fighting for this, and I know you can make it all the way through. It might take a little bit of extra work, but I know you're tough and resourceful enough to see this through to the end. You're already a good person, and continuing to want to be better is really impressive. You're an amazing person, and you can handle this ok? Try to have a little faith in yourself. Honestly, your English seems fine to me, I never would have guessed it wasn't your first language. Anyways, I really hope this helped, I wish I could do more for you. You can do this, I know you can. I hope you have a nice day too!

My my Anon, your Luck seems to be all over the place. Truly Despair is trying to sink it’s disgusting claws into your life. Your English was fine Anon. You did a good job if I do say so myself, hehe. I’m glad you were able to calm and talk to us! I may not be the best but I shall try everything in my power to raise your Hope.

For starters, friends are supposed to help each other, it’s what makes you friends after all! If they are uncomfortable with you venting or that’s what you think, try asking them first before doing so, sometimes people aren’t ready to handle emotions like that. This pandemic has done a number on many of people. I’m sorry that it’s been going worse for you. Turning in assignments on time must be hard as well. But in my opinion, turning them in is better than not turning them in at all. Doing your work is also very important. I’m glad that even if you do have little energy, you try to use it to do your work. Trying to get energy to do anything is hard as well. I’d consider that burn out. Sometimes you just need time for your brain to heal, to process things that are happening in your life. I’m sure it’s quite overwhelming, how school has to take extra precautions and be online, or a hybrid class. It must all be very difficult to grasp.

Your parents seem to be a bit...strict? Having you up and doing chores for that long and that late isn’t good for anyone. It seems you tried explaining to them beforehand, but I’d like to see if you could try one more time. If that doesn’t help, maybe talk to a family member to help you out in some way? Maybe they help make your parents listen to you.

Hehe sorry, I’ve just been giving you advice this entire time! My bad, can’t help trying to help people, even if I’m garbage. Anon, I applaud you for coming this far, through all this crap and Despair, you’ve been trying your best to push on! Even through the darkness you’re still trying to be a good student and do your work! I’m so proud of you! I’m glad that you’re trying to take steps to help improve your energy as well, taking care of yourself is very important in any situation, no matter how little energy that you have! Once you graduate you won’t have to worry about this stuff for a while, and maybe things will get easier! I know your brother knows you’re trying your best, he can see it I’m sure! I hope you don’t mind I give you a hug! Hopefully it’ll help take the weight of your shoulders and give you some Hope.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #taichi fujisaki #mod hajime #rantaro amami #mod rantaro #nagito komaeda #mod nagito

[hokkaidossoul12]

So I recently got into the friday night funkin fandom and a idea came to mind, what if I draw Dorothy as a friday night funkin character. I had then idea of giving her a blue heart-shaped microphone with blue dungarees with sky blue fishnet shirt underneath. Oh, if you didn't know this about Dorothy yet, she is extremely nervous about singing in front of other people and if you can see closely her gem is a light purple color (meaning she is scared or nervous).

If I knew how to I would create a mod with Dorothy in it, and this would kinda be a plot/backstory to how she met certain characters. Dorothy would've been gifted the blue heart mic by Carol and  Dorothy would occasionally go into a private area where she would practice and sing her heart out. But, someone had soon caught her and began recording her as she sung, not knowing that someone was recording her. The video was quickly posted online where it soon became viral. It was a few days after that people started noticing her and Dorothy was soon crowded by a large amount of people she didn't even know, complimenting her voice and trying to get her to sing for them. Dorothy began to feel confused and nervous as to why people were wanting her to sing, she asked why they wanted her to sing for them when one of them showed her the video of herself up online. She had fear in her eyes at realizing that everyone would know about her voice, she then made up an excuse that she had a sore throat and couldn't sing in order to get away from the crowd. This went on for days, weeks, months even, she would go outside where there'd be a crowd of people waiting for her, and each day she would try to avoid the crowd of people by hiding her appearance with a large coat. But, she couldn't hide her appearance forever as one day the blue heart microphone she had on her had fallen out of her pocket, someone had seen the mic fall from her pocket and they ended up approaching Dorothy to give it back her, as they did so they decided to pull her coat off her to reveal her appearance to everyone. Dorothy shook as people began to surround her, demanding her to sing for them. Eventually Dorothy couldn't take it anymore and she ran away, but the crowd began to chase her. Quickly she ran far from the crowd and into a hidden alleyway right out of sight, she then heard the crowd of people run right past where she was hiding and she backed away in fear, eventually the crowd went away from the area, Dorothy breathed heavily and she backed up into a wall and slid down gently, tears formed in her eyes. She put her hands to her face and cried into her hands, not being able to hold her tears back. But, what Dorothy didn't know was that someone was in the alley with her, they were a rather tall figure with flame orange eyes. They stared down at her, they had a somewhat grumpy expression on their face, it was as though they were trying to hide away to as to not get caught. They scowled, Dorothy was making too much noise, it was going to get them both caught, they quietly immerged from the shadows to reveal their appearance, they resemble the body of person with a dark teal blue hoodie but had a bomb for a head. He got close to her and stared down at her, "hey, keep it down, would ya? your gonna get us-" Dorothy gasped and uncovered her hands from her face, she screamed at seeing the tall figure practically towering over her. The bomb-headed person was quick to react, he covered Dorothy's mouth to muffle her scream and held her against him, he was knelt down now so he could hold Dorothy in place. The bomb wait for a few moment, he then looked at Dorothy, he saw the panicked look in her eyes as she stared at him in fear, "shh...I'm not gonna hurt you, so you can calm down now..." Dorothy's expression seemed to soften now and she slowly calmed down. It was then that the bomb-headed person released Dorothy, she pulled away from the him, she was still nervous. There was then an awkward silence between the two of them, the bomb then took a moment to look at Dorothy before speaking up, "wait...you look familiar...", Dorothy sighed and looked away, "yeah yeah, I know...the video of me is all over the internet", "well...yes, but...your one of Carol's friends, right?" Dorothy looked at the bomb. "How did you know?", the bomb-headed person then pointed to the mic in her pocket, "she told me about you and that you carry that mic around with you." Dorothy spoke softly, "yeah...she got it for me a while ago, she thought I would go out in the world and start a singing

career..." she looked down at the ground before sitting back down, "but...I'm too much of a coward, I can't even sing in front of people without freaking out..." the bomb's expression seemed to soften off like Dorothy's. He knew how she felt. They both fell silence again as they did moments ago, this time they stayed quiet for longer. Dorothy gave herself some time before she was the one to speak up, "so...Carol and you...are you two friends as well?", she saw the bomb blush a bright orange, "well, you could say were...more than that." Dorothy paused for a moment before raising her head, something seemed to click in her head "wait...so your that boyfriend she's been talking about? Whitty's the name, right?" the bomb's eyes widened before he turned his head to Dorothy. "wait...how did you-", "She's crazy about you, loves to talk about you a lot, and I mean a lot", the bomb blushes more at that, Dorothy giggles at his reaction, "it good now that I know who you are, the name's Dorothy" she gives the bomb a small smile. The bomb looks at her and he couldn't help but smile back, "it's nice to meet you too." And so from then on Dorothy and Whitty begun to hang out more, they found many things they could relate to. They both learned each other's personalities and boundaries in conversations, and because of Whitty Dorothy had a boost in confidence in her singing. But, there were many other times where Dorothy had to have some time to herself to roam around. And it was one of those days in particular where she met a certain blue-haired male. Dorothy had decided to wonder down a part of town that she'd never come across before and heard what sounded like live music nearby. Curiosity ended up getting the better of her as she began to follow the sound of the music which she found lead to nearest train station, the closer in she got the more she could here the music. Dorothy then saw a young female in small red high heels with a red dress and merlot red hair, there was also two young males, one with a white shirt and a red symbol who had blue hair with a red and blue cap and a mic in his hand, then there was the other male who wore a green shirt long-sleeved shirt with ginger hair with a mic in one hand and a gun in the other. The ginger male seemed to be rapping/singing while the blue haired male seemed to be singing, it was as if they were having a singing battle. Dorothy continued to watch them sing away with her occasionally humming along to them sing/rap. It was soon after that the battle seemed to be over, both males seemed to shake hands in the end, Dorothy smiled at this. The ginger haired male then left the area, jumping onto one of the moving trains from nearby, Dorothy was surprised by this but then shrugged it off. Once the train that the ginger haired male had gone on left, Dorothy decided to leave, having seen enough around the roam and ready to head back home. But, it was then that the blue-haired male had caught a glimpse of Dorothy as she left the station, his eyes widened, he pulled out his phone to check if it was really her, the blue-haired male recognized from the popular video of her singing online. Believe it or not, he always wanted to opportunity to sing with her ever since the video blew up, he wasn't going to waste this once in a life time opportunity now. He and the female quickly grabbed the speaker and quickly went to the direction Dorothy had gone in. Dorothy had began walking down the streets and across the crossing to get back home with the blue-haired male and red-haired female chasing up behind her. It was then that Dorothy had seen the park inside the town which lead to a convenient shortcut to her home and so she went through the park, as she did she felt the nice grass from the park on her feet, she sniffed the air as she enjoyed the smells around her, she enjoyed the smells so much that she began running through the grass as she felt how nice the wind was on her fur. As Dorothy ran through the grass she noticed that there was a big hill with what looked like a perfect view on the top

with trees and the sun hitting the hill nicely, she then began to run towards and up the hill til she reached the top of the hill to met by more wind blowing against her fur and a beautiful view of the town below, she then sat down on the hill as she saw the view. "wow..." Dorothy had a glimmer in her eyes at the view, she sighed. That was then quickly interrupted by hearing the sound of something hitting the ground behind her, "h-huh?" she turned her head to see the speakers from before then the blue-haired male come toward her. "Beep!" Dorothy backed away from the blue-haired male, putting out her hands in front of her in defense. "l-look...I'm not looking for any trouble, ok?" she had a nervous look on her face as the blue-haired male continued his approach, he then pulled out his microphone and switched it on, "wait...what are you doing?", Dorothy then saw him tap the mic to make sure it was working. The blue-haired male then looked back up at her, "I've been waiting for this for a long time, you have no idea, Dorothy!" she paused for a minute, she tried to figure out what he was talking about until she finally understood what he meant. "woah woah woah! hang on there, mister, I don't do this type of thing!" the male smiled, "sure you do, you are a viral sensation, I thought you sung for a living?", "n-not in front of people...I can't...I-I g-et too nervous." the female went to Dorothy, the red-haired female could see how nervous she was and so she pulled Dorothy toward the speakers, the red-haired female then stuck out her hand "give me your microphone." Dorothy hesitated for a moment before pulling out her blue heart mic and giving it the red-haired female, it was barely even ten seconds before she was about to connect her microphone to the speaker. "w-woah...", the red-haired female then gave her microphone back to Dorothy, Dorothy then saw the female then sit up on the speaker and pull out her phone, pulling up something on her phone before pressing something on her phone, it was then that a slow instrumental song came from the speakers. "how about I help you warm up? I promise it will be simple for you" Dorothy shook, "b-but I-", "it's ok, boyfriend was nervous the first time he tried to sing...but I slowly helped him through it, all you have to do follow the notes I sing." Dorothy then looked back at the blue-haired male, he gave her a thumbs up, "you'll do great, I know you will!", Dorothy paused before closing her eyes, letting out a sigh before turning back to the red-haired female, "alright, let's go then." The red-haired female then waited for the right beat, giving Dorothy a moment to ready herself. The red-haired female then sung a tune to the music, Dorothy then sing the same tune back, the red-haired female then smile, "that's how you do it!" the red-haired female then sung another tune to which Dorothy repeated it back again, the red-haired female continued to sing a tune while Dorothy repeated them back. Dorothy grew more and more confident from this and eventually she began to sing her own tune to the song that was playing, the red-haired female let Dorothy carry on by herself until the song was finished. Once Dorothy heard the song finish she realized that she had done it just herself, she sweated slight "o-oh...I seemed to have gotten carried away, s-sorry..." she rubbed the back of her head, but...the red-haired female clapped, "no no, that was great! how do you feel now?" Dorothy's nervous expression seemed to fade, "oh, well, I feel...I feel..." Dorothy's tail then began to wag, "really good! I don't feel as nervous as I was, thank you for that, miss." The red-haired female giggle, "it's no problem, and you can call me girlfriend", the blue-haired male then approached her again, "you were awesome, Dorothy!", Dorothy turned to the blue-haired male. "thank you, what is your name if you wouldn't mind telling me?", "my name's boyfriend, but most people call me Keith." Dorothy then smiled at both Keith and girlfriend, "it's great to me you both", Dorothy then faced Keith, "And you know what? I

think I'm ready for that singing battle now, Keith." Keith then saw Dorothy skillfully twirl the blue heart mic in her hand as if it were a pen, she then threw it up in the air and caught it in her other hand, Keith then smirked and got himself ready. "I knew you were gonna say that!" and so the battle began between Dorothy and boyfriend to see who would come on top. ((btw, I used the name Keith for boyfriend since some of the people online referred him to that name.))

#HokkaidosSoul12 #FridayNightFunkin #Whitty #Carol #Girlfriend #Boyfriend/Keith #Boyfriend #DorothyTheDog #backstory #FNF #Shy #Click on keep reading for the backstory #ModCharacters #au? idk

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and Her Gunn (Part 115 2Xs2) "True Intentions"

@crystalbaby12 @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @5sosfam1dlover @rosefilledhearts-blog

"I've got different colored sticky tabs for the different spaces." Luna announces as she enters her storage unit.

Jackie and Sam are there with The Movers. Luna goes through picking out which pieces will go to The Brownstone, her Studio Apartment and the Recording Studio she just bought. She had signed the closing paperwork electronically with Monica and Ben earlier this week on the latter properties. The Apartment is ready but the Recording Studio needs a contractor for the equipment installation. Jackie being on top of that, they start the gutting process next week. Everything else is being moved out today.

"Whoah!!! Be carful with that!!" Sam cries out in concern as she watches The Movers roughly handle an original, stretched Mapplethorpe.

"What the FUUUUUCK." Luna groans as she rubs her forehead. "Why wasn't that crated?" She asks no one in particular as her phone rings. "Hello?" She sighs into the receiver.

It's Kylie. Luna's therapist. Calling because it's 2P on every other Thursday. Luna excuses herself, trusting Sam and Jackie while she finds an empty stairwell.

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"It's just conflicting, Ky... " Luna let's out with an annoyed sigh and a cloud of smoke from her pen while playing with Colson's padlock around her neck.

She's been on the phone with Kylie for the last 45mins talking about everything and anything. Colson, Justin, trust, feeling over exposed, setting up the lable. Her therapist advising her to breathe as always and to make a Pros and Cons list regarding marrying Colson. Knowing there is no option, Luna humors her with an Okay before they get off the phone.

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"How do we look?" Luna asks after coming back in from the stairwell.

"Good." Jackie begins to reassure her. "Everything you want is loaded into the two trucks. I'm gonna ride to The Brownstone and Sam to The Apartment... Uhm, Lee said you're good to go at Electric Lady Land around 7P... "

"And I talked to Mikey, he'll be there no problem." Sam chimes in.

"You guys are fucking AWESOME. Thank you." Luna pulls them in for a three way hug. "I gotta go meet Petey." She informs them once they release. "You guys good without me?" She asks.

Both women nod. Giving promises of phones calls if there's any problems as Luna heads back towards the stairwell; popping another XR and two 30s during her descent. It shouldn't be THAT hard... They're only responsible for moving half of her life.

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Colson gets in touch with The Boys and heads to Amsterdam Billiards for pool and beers. Popping his own handful of Adderall along the way. Stepping out of the cab, Mod greets him with an excited hug.

"What up, Kid!" He squeezes his unhappy friend. "Aww, come on... Don't be like that, you know Luna'll come around. She always does." Mod tells him with a slap on the back as they walk inside.

Benny, Baze, AJ, Rook and Slim have a table racked up. Mod grabs more beers as Colson joins them. They're all talking about the GMA performance. Agreeing it was killer. While Rook also can't stop talking about Jackie.

"Good luck with that, Rookie. I don't think Loons is doing any of us any favors right now." Colson sighs as he leans down to break.

"Shit. Speak for yourself, that's my homie, Dawg." Rook disagrees with him as he swigs his beer.

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Luna meets Pete on The Delancey's rooftop bar. He's already sat when she walks in. Noticing her, he stands for them to hug Hello. His normal excitement clearly missing as she orders a drink.

"I heard you and Colson got into it after I left." Luna cuts right to the core.

"Yeah. He wants to blame me for him running his mouth." Pete starts to complain to Luna's silence. "Like I started all this shit."

"You kinda did... I love you Petey but whether I cheated on Colson or Justin, like I told you last night, it's none of your business. My betrayal didn't land on you or even Colson so really the two of you are fighting over some shit that doesn't even concern you. It's that simple." Luna explains.

"So you did cheat on Beebs?" Pete asks her, ignoring everything else she had said.

"Yeah, Petey. I told you last night that I had an affair. I'm not proud of it but it happened." Luna shrugs as she fights back tears of guilt.

"Who was it?" He pries.

"What? No. You don't get to ask questions like that... Like, I don't understand why this feels like you're mad at me for some reason. I didn't do ANYTHING to you." Luna furrows her eyebrows at him as she takes a sip of her drink.

"Yeah but you did do something to my friend that he never did to you." Pete looks into his beer and then up at Luna.

"You didn't know Justin and I's relationship as well as you think you did. Just like you don't know nearly as much about me and Colson as you think you may. My turn? Your judgmental attitude towards me is really disappointing and if you're so worried about your FRIENDS than go make up with the one that's still in town. I'm outta here though." Luna swallows the rest of her Old Fashioned with two gulps. "Hit me up when you're done being a dick." She calls over her shoulder as she walks out of the bar.

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Mike's sitting alone outside of Electric Lady Land when Luna arrives. Lighting a cigarette, he looks up. Green eyes taking her in as he stands to grab her guitar case from her.

"What's goin' on, Luna?" He asks as he sits back down and takes a drag from his Marlboro.

Luna fishes around in her bag for her joint box and flask. Finding them both, she takes a swig before offering it over to his acceptance. Lighting a joint, she sighs out a cloud of smoke as they sit in silence. Sometimes no talking is good.

After a while Sam shows up. The three of them head inside to meet up with Lee. Thanking him, he tells Luna no one was even booked as they begin to set up in Studio A.

Realizing they need producers, Luna calls Slim. Then Snaps Colson. Setting her bag on the table, she pulls out supplies. Weed, whiskey, cigarettes and more weed. Popping another few 30s before laying her guitar back onto her body.

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"Yeah! No problem, we'll be down there ASAP." Slim says into his phone. "That was LunaTic, she wants us to come produce the track." He says excitedly to Baze once he hangs up. "Dawg! We gonna make some music in Jimi Hendrix's fucking spot, Yo!!" He exclaims as they slap hands across the pool table.

Colson's just about to put his two sense in when his phone goes off. Digging in his pocket, it's not the message he was expecting. It's a Snap from Luna.

"If I want? What kind of fucking shit is that?" He scoffs in his mind. "Why's she so fucking hot even while she's being such a fucking a bitch." He finds himself becoming annoyed with how much he wants her and her resistance towards him. He shoves his phone back in his pocket without responding.

The Boys are getting ready to head to  Greenwich Village when Colson's phone goes off again. It's the message he's been waiting for. Telling The Boys he'll meet up with them later, he's out the door before they pay the tab.

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Luna's leaned towards Mike in the booth when Colson walks in. He can't hear them but he doesn't like that he can see him making her laugh. Mike's a little to comfortable in his interactions with Luna in Colson's personal opinion. Luna catches the back of his blonde hair and significant tattoo as she looks up, watching as he walks out of the room. He quickly heads down the hall towards the bathroom, promptly pulling out the quarter ounce of cocaine he'd grabbed from Nipple.

Colson walks back into the studio just as Luna, Sam and Mike begin recording. Sitting with Slim and Baze at the soundboard, he grabs a pair of headphones and slips them on. Listening and watching intently. Luna can feel his eyes burning straight into her soul.

Nailing it on the third full take, they leave it alone. Luna doesn't want it mixed. Layered, yes but not mixed. She's always preferred the gritty, garage rock sound over studio polish any day. Coming out of the booth, she approaches Colson as he stands up.

"You came." She purrs with a drunken slur to her sentence as she wraps her arms around his waist.

"I go where you go, Kitten. Always." He promises her before lifting her chin to kiss her deeply; enjoying their first real kiss of the day but opening his eyes half way through to stare down Mike from around the side of the top of her head.

Hanging out afterwards, they celebrate with beers and lines. Luna declining as everyone else partakes in Colson's party favor. Having done enough other drugs all day, she's still buzzing from earlier so she's solid without it. Preferring to burn and drink instead.

"What do you have recorded so far?" Mike asks Luna about her upcoming album.

"I think maybe three out of an ambitious twenty!" Luna laughs softly at herself.

"I'm down to help with anything you need." Mike offers as he passes her a joint.

"Thanks... I'm probably gonna take you up on that." Luna answers. "I don't really have a band right now and we... "

"That's why you got us." Rook interrupts her while plunking down on the couch beside her and tossing an arm around her shoulders; he doesn't like the way Mike has been hanging around Luna either.

"That I do." Luna giggles as she kisses his cheek.

"We backed her on Nightmare and I produced Outlaw." Rook declares proudly while studying to the musician.

"That's cool, Little Man." Mike responds unfazed by Rook as he stands up. "Luna, you got my number if you wanna use it for anything. I gotta run though." He smirks at Rook as he leans down to peck her cheek.

"You want me to walk you out?" She offers.

"Nah, I'm good... I'll catch you around though." Mike smiles at her before heading for the door.

Watching the entire interaction, Colson follows behind him. Calling out his name, he catches him in the hallway right at the front door. Mike turns around unamused.

"You know we're engaged, right?" Colson questions him with an irritated tone.

"Yeah... And?" Mike cuts back while cocking his lip.

"AND? And I don't like the way you fucking act around her so back the fuck up." Colson snaps at him.

"Gonna be kinda hard since it seems that SHE wants ME as her new bassists." Mike laughs at him while slapping him on the shoulder.

"Gonna be kinda hard to play ANYTHING when I snap your fucking fingers." Colson warns him as he shoves Mike up against the wall; Mike's 6'2 so there's not much of a height difference between them.

"Try it, My Man." Mike chuckles, unimpressed by Colson's threat.

"You know what, you're right... " Colson let's him off of the wall. "Maybe I overreacted." He says as he opens the door for Mike and he begins to walk through. "Or maybe I FUCKING didn't!" Colson growls as he grabs Mike's right hand and jerks him back.

Slamming it with the door, in between the frame. One. Two. Three. Four times. Most likely breaking it.

"YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!" Mike screams as he grasps his mangled hand.

"You can walk away right now or you can crawl away with two broken legs also." Colson advises as he props the door open again.

"You're gonna FUCKING regret this." Mike snarls to Colson's emotionless stare as he holds his hand and turns to leave. "That was a bad fucking move, My Man." He calls out from the sidewalk.

"Maybe it was... Maybe it wasn't... But DAMN if it didn't feel good." Colson walks back to the studio with a pep in his step for the first time today; having released a majority of his stress. "I never liked that motherfucker anyway." He thinks as he opens the door, looking to locate only Luna. Knowing in the back of his mind that her and Sam are gonna probably fuck him up for what he just did but he doesn't care. Fuck that Dude, he doesn't want him around Luna regardless of the cost.

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"There's stuff!!" Rook exclaims pointing at the large, round arial rug, crates and boxes in The Living Room as they return to The Brownstone. Everyone but Luna is zooted, even Sam. "Yo!!" Check out these fucking chairs!" Rook continues to holler, now from The Study.

It's also stacked with boxes of Luna's books and vinyls. Having one wall with floor to ceiling bookshelves, she's looking forward to using them. Walking in, she finds Rook lounging on one of the two highback, purple velvet chairs she owns along with the exposed Mapplethorpe.

"What's up with that picture?" Rook asks as he accepts a beer from Luna.

"My grandfather shot it." She tells him proudly as they clink their beers together.

"It's really cool. Like the two flowers are reaching out for each other. Like death grasping for life." He says thoughtfully.

"I think that's what he was going for." Luna smiles to herself, admiring the exceptional piece.

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Luna makes her way upstairs to the shower. Turning Fletcher on, she lights up a joint as she cuts up another two 30s and swallows two Xanax bars. It's been a long day, she hasn't been to sleep in almost 48hrs and she's incredibly shaky from all the Adderall. Wanting to simply wash everything away and knock the fuck out.

"Hey... " Colson's sitting on the bed when she comes out of the bathroom.

"Hi." She answers as she stops and looks at him with a sigh.

"Please come're, Luna." He asks for her as he reaches his arms out yet again.

This time she does. Sitting on his lap in her towel, she wraps her arms around him and nuzzles her head into her spot in the crook of his neck. Resting his chin on her head, Colson and Luna hold each other silently besides his constant sniffling.

"Loons, I'm sorry." Colson speaks first. "I shouldn't... "

"Please. I'm SO tired." Luna whines. "But, Colson, it's not the secret that you told. I would've told Justin had he cared to notice or ask. It's that you told A secret because I've got bigger ones than that. You have no idea." She sighs sadly.

"Like what, Kitty?" Colson pries with concern.

"Seriously, I am so fucking tired, Col. Can I please just sleep. I promise I'll tell you everything." She pleads with him as the Xanax begins to take over.

"Okay... " Colson agrees as he kisses her forehead. "Lay with you?" He asks.

"There's no way you can lay down right now... Just come to bed eventually, please." Luna requests.

"Yeah." He promises "I love you." He tells her before taking her face in his hands and kissing her passionately.

"I love you too." She kisses him lightly on the lips again once they release before crawling off of his lap.

Dropping her towel, Luna climbs into their bed. Wrapping herself in the warm, custom blanket, she snuggles into the pillow with heavy exhaustion. Colson leans down and kisses her cheek. Dropping another I love you into her ear as she mumbles the same. She's out before he closes the door.

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Colson, Sam, Baze, Rook, AJ, Benny, Mod and Slim are downstairs for the next few hours. Jamming, talking uncontrollably and bouncing in and out off the front stoop to smoke cigarettes as they blow through the bag of coke. 

The house is still bare so they decide it's a good idea to start setting Luna's books up on the shelves. They're all high as fuck, doing whatever they want. Sam and Mod begin trying to organize her vast collection but are making no sense. Baze gets caught up in a hardback limited edition entitled The Great Big Book of Rock and Roll. Slim and Colson are in awe when they open a box of her records. Sitting on the floor, they start going through them like little kids in a candy store. Rook's really flying and gets bored quickly, heading into The Living Room to beat his energy out on his new drum kit. Benny and AJ are the only chill ones as always. Maxed out in the purple chairs, they continuesly puff on and pass blunts to the other wackos. Luna sleeping through it all.

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Sam and Colson find themselves out on the stoop alone. Their normal awkward silence is gone as cocaine fuels their conversation. Talking all things Luna. This is one of the reasons Sam barely hits the slopes, she talks too fucking much when she's on 'em.

"You can't be mad at Pete." She offers up her opinion. "Luna's like another little sister to him." She tries to explain.

"Yeah but he's supposed to be my bestfriend." Colson disagrees.

"I get that... So can't you understand the fucked up spot you put him in between the two of you?" Sam counters as she takes a drag off of her Camel.

"Yeah... I think he thought she cheated on me... " Colson trails.

"Look, he had a really hard time with Justin and Luna's relationship too. We both did. Justin would disappear and we'd be looking for him with Luna. Sometimes we'd find him sometimes we wouldn't. Sometimes he'd call Pete, me or Izak on his own. Pete and Izak would hide him... It was fucked up." Sam shakes get head in dismay as her own heart breaks. "Justin would get clean, be good for a minute but then relapse all over again and she'd be a fucking mess. If anyone tried to paint their relationship as picture perfect to you than they didn't truly know them. Luna and Justin had a lot of problems." Sam admits to one of the first people ever; Colson seeming to have that effect on people.

"She doesn't really talk about him... I mean a little but I can tell it's restrained." He sighs.

"There's my Sammy Bam Bam!" Baze interrupts them with a grin as he opens the door.

"Make up with Pete." Sam pats Colson on the shoulder as she stands up to head inside with her boyfriend.

The Cocaine Cowboys eventually round their night out. Sam following Baze to his room as Rook, AJ, Benny, and Slim head to theirs. Mod being super grateful for the spare bedroom he slept in last night. Colson making his way up to a still sleeping Luna.

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Stripping his clothes, Colson climbs into bed with Luna. Her body is warm as he slides himself around her. Firmly running his hand up her outer thigh, along her hip and ribcage before crawling around her breast. Feeling every inch of her once more as he runs his hand back down her slender body.

Luna moans as her hips begin to shift back and forth out of need and instinct. Colson grows harder against her back as he slips his fingers along her pussy lips. Feeling her juices spill out as he lightly dips his finger inside of her.

"Mmm... Fuck, I've missed her taste." He mentally moans, not being a able to resist sticking his fingers in his mouth as his tongue dances around her unique flavor.

"I wanna fuck you." Colson husks deeply into her ear while he grabs her tit.

"Mhm." Luna murmurs hazily as she perks her ass into him.

Getting the Go, Colson seperates her delicate lips with his fingers. Taking his time, he slowly guides himself into Luna. Feeling her body tense as she moans and pushes her ass deeper into him. Tangling their legs in each other's, Luna reaches behind and grabs the back of Colson's neck to pull him closer to her. Kissing every inch of her that he can reach, he fucks her sternly while she bounces lazily off of his cock. With her face and closed eyes still resting softly in her pillow; she moans and fucks Colson contently in her sleep and drug induced state.

There's something about a SleepFuck that's incredibly satisfying to Luna. Her walls clutch Colson's dick in pleasure, making he thrusts harder. Releasing himself as he feels her cum all over him.

"FUCK." He breathes into her bare neck.

"Mmm... " Is Luna's only response, she's already almost back asleep.

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Pete shows up on The Brownstone's stoop with two coffees. Colson meeting him with four blunts. The two friends take a seat. Colson firing up the first blunt after Pete hands him his coffee.

"Yo... I'm sorry, Dawg." Colson starts as he exhales. "I put you in some shit... "

"Nah, Homie." Pete cuts him off as he accepts the blunt. "Luna's business is her own. No matter who it's with." Pete sighs. "I just worry about her, Man. And you too. I've seen you both go through some fucked up shit and I don't want to see it again, I guess." Pete half shrugs as he takes a pull.

"Look, Sam ACTUALLY talked to me last night so I get it a little more than I did before." Colson tells him as he accepts the blunt.

"It was just hard... " Pete shakes his head at the memories.

"I don't want this to fuck us up." Colson bares his soul to one of his bestfriends.

"Me neither." Pete agrees as he reaches for the second blunt and fires it up.

Both friends look at each other. There's an understanding between men that can happen without words. This is one of those times. With a simple nod, Pete and Colson are good. Going on to enjoy their coffee, each other and the NYC morning as they get high and bust it up like nothing ever happened.

---------------------------------------------------

Luna's extra miserable when Colson wakes her up for their flight back to LA. The lack of sleep, too many drugs and her gunshot wound have her aching in every sense of the word. She doesn't shower. Just throws on sunglasses, cuttoffs and an oversized Hotel Diablo hoodie.

They make it to JFK just in time for their 11A flight. Everyone is dragging, not only Luna. Proving that cocaine is a Motherfucker. Once seated in first class, everyone knocks back out. Luna curling up against Colson as his face lays on her head and arm rests upon her bare leg.

---------------------------------------------------

It's just before 8P by time they make it back to The LA House. Everyone is tired. No one is happy. All dropping their luggage in The Living Room before heading to their beds. They're so mentally jacked, no one's even thought to check The Charts, let alone eat at all day.

---------------------------------------------------

Luna and Colson sleep clean until the next morning until her alarm goes off. Colson groans as she shifts away from him. Climbing out of the bed, she reaches high to stretch. Colson watching her out of one slitted eye.

"Why are you up?" He asks flatly.

"So you can truly see me." Luna answers before disappearing into the bathroom.

It takes a shit ton of coaxing and drugs to get Colson moving after Luna's shower. Complaining the whole time as she hands him water and joints. Once in the shower he starts to feel slightly better after he jerks off. He's FINALLY fully functional after his Adderall and coffee kicks in.

Not getting as much sleep as Luna and doing way more drugs, he's really edgy. She hands him a football before they walk out of the bedroom. He's so pissy they leave the house quietly without his trademark WE OUT.

---------------------------------------------------

"Can I have the keys?" Luna asks, she's dressed in an overall romper, white shirt, long socks and one of her leathers as they walk towards the Rover in the early Saturday sun.

"Why?" Colson asks back as he tosses them to her in his own ripped jeans and black T.

"I need to drive and you need to listen." She answers before sliding into the driver's seat.

"You're talking to me now?" He counters with a slight attitude as he buckles his seatbelt.

"Do you think this is a fucking game?" Luna whips her head towards him.

"No." He answers solemnly as he sparks a joint.

"You don't seem to fucking get it at all." Luna shakes her head as she pulls out of the driveway.

"Look Loons, I'm sorry I fucked up with the Tommy and Justin thing. I shouldn't have said shit no matter how I was feeling." He exhales his apology as he passes her the joint and finally pops the Xanax she gave him.

"You still don't get it, Colson. How many times do I have to tell you.. It's not the secret you told. It's that you TOLD a secret. Period. You don't seem to realize that I'm dirtier than a fucking affair... Fuck." Luna let's out an exasperated sigh. "Let's be honest. In the short time you've known me; I've committed coercion, shot a federal agent, am in the process of setting up an underground abortion clinic... Oh! And I was blackmailed into issuing a public apology for fucking up one person out of what? A fucking dozen? And that's only been in the last 3MNTHS... Seriously, I am a fucking criminal." Colson stares at her as everything begins to register. "Fuck, I've got things going on that you don't even know about yet." She continues to worry as she hits the joint a few times while staring ahead. "And now, I'm terrified to fucking tell you about them."

"Like what?" Colson asks her with a concerned, yet amused SideEye as he takes the joint.

"Why should I tell you? Every criminal who's been caught is usually taken down because of their irrational lover." She looks over at him with a light smirk and hazy blue eyes for the first time during their car ride.

"You really gonna play me like that?" He scoffs at her before inhaling a huge hit.

"I don't know. You wanna say don't call Jax but are your stupid ass, jealous comments gonna get me popped one day?" She bites back as she fumbles for her cigarettes.

"Are you fucking serious?" He spits out as he starts to get angry with her. "What the fuck do you think I would do to you and what the fuck else are you doin' that's worse than what I already know? And where the FUCK are we going?" He demands as they continue to drive.

Luna's quiet for a long moment as she smokes her Newport. She's trying to keep herself calm and figure out exactly how to tell Colson about what things. Already having made her decision long before they got into the SUV to give up her biggest secret.

"Tell me, Luna." Colson asserts as he lights another joint.

"All in?" She asks him firmly as she looks over at him and holds his stare while he grabs her hand to reassure her. "I told you... I'm dirtier than you think. I own properties that clean money and stash shit for one of the biggest distributors on The East Coast." Luna admits in a hushed voice.

"It's for Tommy, isn't it?" Colson immediately snaps as his mind flashes back to his conversation with Benny.

"OH MY FUCKING GAWD!!" Luna can't help but scream. "You are so fucking hung up on other dudes that it's insane and probably what's gonna get me caught!" Luna stops. "How can you not see that I tell you more about myself WILLINGLY than any other human being on This Earth? That you know more about me than Justin ever did." Luna's lip trembles as tears escape from her eyes. "So, yeah... It started with Tommy but I have bigger associates now... " Luna shakes her head. "That's only a blip though. There is so much more at stake for me than that!" Luna slams her palms against the steering wheel in frustration as she begins to sob. "You have no fucking idea." She shakes her head again as her voice breaks.

"Then what is it, Luna?" Colson softens his tone with her.

Coming to a stop light, Luna turns her head and looks Colson dead in the eyes. Her hands are clutching the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are white. There's a look on her face he's never seen before. It's a mixture of sadness, pain and determination. Taking a shuddered sigh, Luna flicks her cigarette out the window. She finds herself begging The Universe that he won't betray her this time as she's about to tell only Colson her true intentions. Lighting her own joint, she inhales deeply and holds the hit in. Looking over at Colson, she studies him. He stares back, waiting for her words.

"I'm gonna kill Smurf." She states icily before turning away, releasing the brake and focusing on what's ahead. "Still wanna marry me now?" She asks, puffing on the joint without taking her eyes off of the road.

---------------------------------------------------

Part 2 of 2

To be continued...

#mgk #mgk fanfic #mgk imagines #mgk smut #mgk imagine #colson baker fanfic #colson baker imagines #colsonbaker #colson baker smut #colson baker #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly smut #machine gun kelly #fighting #violence #snorting drugs #prescription drugs #drugs #murder #longstory #long post #long reads #est4life #est19xx #est #petedavidson #pete davidson #newyork #lunatic #tragic love

[sparkly-despair-imagines]

Hey! ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯ you are still doing asks again, right? If you aren't, I'm sorry for bothering you!!!could I request the sdr2 boys reacting to their s/o almost dying? kinda like how ouma fell through the floorboards in v3 and was very injured? I don't doubt he could've died from the impact, bonus if, despite crying from pain, they just say "ah, hey! I didn't see u there, wow im in so much pain,,," or something like that in the most monotone voice when spotting them

Fuyuhiko, Hajime and Nekomaru reacting to their s/o almost dying

I didn’t have the time to do all of them right now so please have Hajime, Nekomaru and Fuyuhiko for now.

Fuyuhiko and Nekomaru’s imagine takes place in a killing game scenario while in Hajime’s you’ve been dating for quite some time and you’re on the outside world.

If you guys wanna see some other characters with this prompt feel free to ask and maybe I’ll do some more.

I hope you like these!

Mod Dia

Hajime Hinata

“Isn’t the view beautiful from up here?” He turned to you with a smile.

He was taking pictures with his right hand and holding your hand on his left one, because he knew you were… prone to accidents.

This was the first time you were traveling as a couple, it felt surreal!

You wanted to see and try everything, making Hajime feel a bit worried and act more like your mom than your boyfriend.

You freed yourself from his protective grip and started to wander off closer to the tip of the cliff you were visiting.

“Careful, s/o.”

“I’m always careful, you know?” You turned around noticing some pretty flowers on the ground. “Oh, these are gorgeous.”

“You’re right, they’re really beautiful.” He said looking at directly at you. “I’m glad we came here, the view is just as amazing as I had imagined.”

He put a hand around your waist and gently pulled you next to him again.

“Feeling flirty, are we?” You giggled, taking a step on the opposite direction, not really looking at where you were going. “Did you see all the cute shops over there? I would love it if we- AHH!!”

The ground beneath you suddenly gave in and you felt yourself fall backwards.

His hand reached out to grab yours but it was no use. The only thing he was able to do is yell out your name and watch your horrified expression as you tumbled down.

You covered your head with your arms and tried to stay calm but every time your body hit the hillside you couldn’t help but to scream in both pain and fear.

You should have listened to Hajime.

If only you had listened…

Now you know that he’s going to blame himself for not being able to save you.

“Hajime…” You silently called for him, getting progressively closer and closer to the ground. “I know you’re gonna help me. Don’t… worry too much.”

You felt yourself finally hit the hard ground and after that you remember only darkness.

(…)

“I’m here for you…” You opened your eyes to see Hajime crying and holding your hand.

You were laying down and he was crouched by your side comforting you.

“Shh, it’s okay…” You placed your finger on his lips and gave him a pained smile.

“You finally woke up, thank god…” He sighed in relief. “I already called an ambulance, you just have to stay still and wait. Can you do that for me?”

“I can.” You said. “It’s… It’s not your fault, you know?”

“..Uh?”

“I know you’re worried.” You cupped his cheek with your dirty and scratched hand. “It doesn’t hurt that much.”

“S/o.” He stared at you. “I’m surprise you can even talk after that fall.”

“I’ll be ok.”

Hajime held back the urge to hug you so he didn’t hurt you more and limited himself to carefully rub the back of your hand.

He can’t believe that even though you’re suffering so much you’re worried about him.

You’re the bravest person he knows.

He believes in you. So please be strong just one more time.

Nekomaru Nidai

You were supposed to be training with Nekomaru that day but you told him that you were too tired and that you needed to rest, so he began the training with only Akane.

He was worried about you because you needed to learn how to protect yourself in case someone tried to hurt you, but he knew training in excess might do bad for one’s health.

You decided to spend your free time at the pool with some of your friends.

You had a blast and time went by flying.

”It’s getting late, s/o.” Sonia said finishing to dry her hair with a towel. “Are you sure you wish not to accompany us?”

“I want to stay a little bit more on the pool.” You gave her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine, you can go ahead.”

“Very well.” She returned your smile. “If you change your mind you’re welcome to join us.”

She then walked to Hajime, who was waiting for her, and the two of them entered the hotel.

You continued swimming, and after a while you decided it was enough and you got out of the pool.

It felt really nice to relax once in a while. Next time you’d make sure to bring your boyfriend along!

You stepped out of the pool, feeling refreshed and ready to join the others.

Suddenly, you felt dizzy and tried to stabilize yourself by holding onto a chaise long nearby the pool but your grip wasn’t strong enough and you fell down.

Your head hit the ground and you blacked out almost immediately.

(…)

“Is s/o… d-dead?” You heard one of your classmates say.

“This is all my fault!” You heard someone cry. “I shouldn’t have left s/o all alone.”

“Calm down, Sonia.” Another person said. “It’s not your fault. They’ll surely be ok, right Mikan?”

“I-it would appear so.” You opened your eyes, slowly regaining your vision.

The ultimate nurse was sitting next to you, desperately trying to stop the bleeding on your head.

“Where is…” You started looking around. “..Nekomaru?”

“Has someone called the guy yet?” Kazuichi turned to his peers.

“Peko went to get him.” Fuyuhiko said.

Your friends tried to keep you calm and distracted while Mikan tended to your wound.

Soon, Nekomaru was there to hold your hand and comfort you.

“I’m really sorry I let this happen to you.” He said. “I won’t blame you if you’re angry at me.”

“This.. is nothing.” You forced yourself to smile. “It is neither your or Sonia’s fault. I was clumsy. My bad, big guy.”

He closed his eyes and kept quiet for a bit, you felt his grip around your hand harden.

“Don’t blame yourself even for a second. How could you have known?” You said. “I love you. You’re amazing.”

“What?” He chuckled. “Why am I letting myself be comforted by you when *I* was supposed to be doing that to you?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.”

“I’m sure you will.” He said. “I believe in my athletes. And I definitely believe in you, s/o.”

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

It was the middle of the night.

At this time everyone was probably sleeping in their assigned room but you had the munchies so you sneaked into the kitchen for a midnight snack.

You made yourself some pancakes and sat at a corner enjoying the treat.

You were having a pretty big bite when you suddenly heard noise coming from outside. Startled, a piece of pancake got into your trachea and seemed to be stuck.

Your trachea clenched shut and you started panicking, trying to get the piece out.

Meanwhile the sound was getting closer and closer until you heard a familiar voice.

Was that… Fuyuhiko?

You wanted to scream for help but no sound would come out. Tears started forming on your eyes as you tried to cough it out.

Your throat was in searing pain, swelled and irritated.

By the time your boyfriend got to you, you were already on your knees, your face turning blue. You clutched your throat.

“S/O!” He ran to help you to your feet and started performing the Heimlich maneuver.

After some unsuccessful tries he was able to get the piece out.

You dropped to the floor again, exhausted.

He let out a huge sigh of relief seeing that you were ok, then turned to you. “What the hell were you thinking , s/o!?”

“…”

“Do you even have ANY IDEA of what could have happened!?” He kicked a nearby chair in frustration.

“What would be of me… without you?” He turned his face to you again and dried off the tears he hadn’t noticed were starting to form.

“..I’m…ok.” You said.

“That’s just because I got here in time.” He said. “How could you do this to me? What if someone took you by surprise and tried to kill you or something?”

“I’m fine now. Thanks for the help.”

“You goddamn idiot, if you ever do something like this again I swear to god-”

“Fuyu.” You stared at him.

“..Sorry, s/o.” He took a deep breath. “From now on you’re gonna stay at my dorm. You’re a danger to yourself. I clearly can’t trust you to take care of yourself so I’ll be doing it for you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Fuyuhiko.”

“Fuck yeah you do. And when I can’t watch you I’ll get someone to do it for me.”

“I’ll be more careful next time.” You got up and opened your arms. “Can I… have a hug?”

He didn’t say anything but allowed you to embrace him. “Don’t do this to me, s/o…”

You rubbed his back with your hand.

“As you know, I already lost someone very close to my heart.” He said. “I…won’t force you to sleep in my room or to be with me all the time. But please… At least tell me where you’re going if you don’t want me to go with you.”

“I understand.”

“Good.” He closed the distance between the two of you and kissed your lips.

When he pulled away he was blushing intensely, even though he was the one to kiss you. You laughed at his cuteness which he didn’t find very funny.

“I know that because of the situation we’re in you get worried when I’m alone.” You said. “From now on we stick together, okay?”

“Like you have to say it twice.” He smirked.

#danganronpa #sdr2 #goodbye despair #hajime hinata #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Nekomaru nidai #imagine #scenario #killing game

[altfire-archive]

how i write tun-tei's skyrim journal

i've written hundreds of thousands of words of these stupid garbage journals so i thought i'd run through the process i'm using for my current (and favorite) one: tun-tei's. i do it a lot differently than i did thadan's or any of the others i've started and abandoned, and i think i've really gotten it down to a science at this point.

for reference, i use the take notes! journal of the dragonborn mod and only play oldrim bc special edition lags on my pc

step one: play the game. i make a journal entry for every in-game day detailing what i did and what my thoughts are and occasionally what i plan on doing next (especially when i'm hopping off for the night bc i have a tendency to forget). sometimes i throw in scenes and dialogue i want to include. here's an example from chapter 12 that i'll use for the rest of this post:

at the end of the session i export my journal and copy-paste the new entries into a document, and from there i re-read what i've written and pull out the scenes i know i want to flesh out. here there's two clear scenes i'll need: talking to ulfric at the palace of kings and then the battle of whiterun itself.

starting with the first scene, i know i'm gonna want to use the in-game dialogue (as i've done in previous scenes such as the peace talks) so i go to ulfric's page on the wiki and find the exchange. i copy-paste it into my doc and add my dialogue tags and prose so it goes from this:

to this:

not the full scene but u get the idea. so after that i decide to skip ahead to the battle of whiterun, which i started in-media-res. since i was already doing a tun POV for that scene, it continued into the next one.

i also had my internal sense of the character plot here - tun and marc's relationship. i don't have any in-game dialogue or scenes to draw from so i was kind of flying blind, but i had two ideas: i wanted hadvar to flirt with tun and make marc act even more like a bitch than usual as he struggles to accept his feelings for tun. the other idea was that i wanted a repeat performance of the riften docks scene from chapter 4, which was a sort of hatefuck-to-make-marc-shut-up scene. and i wanted tun to realize that was a stupid idea and be fucked up emotionally afterward.

with all that in mind i was able to write the scene, communicating my own opinions of the fucking battle

claustrophobic and pissed marc wasn't there. i'd even recruited lydia to help but she also stayed inside the walls. i was so mad kjshdgkj

i used this uh mishap (bug?) to have tun be even more on edge, which marc exacerbated by being a bitch when they finally reunited - while hadvar flirts with tun.

from there i had hadvar leave and marc just make a total ass of himself til tun dragged him around the outside walls and... well.

and then i finished the scene on a sort of cliffhanger, marc sent back to breezehome with his tail between his legs, satisfied but confused, and hadvar comforting a heartbroken tun-tei under the stars.

i do this for all the entries i've written and then take the huge blocks of new prose (usually a week-ish worth of entries, though some are more or less depending on how many important scenes there are) and put them into a new document which i then cut into chapters as well as i can, aiming for 2.5-5k words each. the prose doc that includes chapter 12 had two weeks of entries and ended up only being about 8k words of prose, chapters 12 and 13. the next chunk was also two weeks of entries but ended up being 12k and three chapters. chapters 12 and 13 are a LOT of travelling between forts and stuff so a lot of dead air.

but yeah idk why i wrote all this :) no one's gonna read it i just like to share stuff. anyway read true love waits (to rob you blind) and have a good night

#tuntei #idk if anyone cares but here u go #:) #watch your feet #true love waits (to rob you blind) chapter 12 spoilers if u haven't read that far and like. care

[itoshit]

Time slowly went by, days turning to nights. And nights turning to days. That day, when I left Vee, I didn't think it would have been the last time I saw her. But she left. My men found her quickly of course, some even offered me to bring her back to me. But the whole point was to not be in contact anymore. I refused to see any picture of her, to see what she was up to. Ran's reports were enough for me. My heart was hurting me, especially when I learnt the existence of her friend, Darren. I was in the private room of one of our clubs, and Ran showed me a picture of them together. She seemed happy, healthy. And I was glad to be out of her life at that moment because honestly, I shattered everything and everyone that I touched.

It was not too long after I cut our strings. I remember that night vividly because that was my very first step to hell. Drinking to forget what I saw, I apparently passed out. Sanzu was the one bringing me back home. My place didn't look good anymore, but I didn't care. No one would stay here except me anyway. I wasn't even sleeping in my bed anymore, not that I was sleeping in the first place. But I couldn't do it. Too hard. Her scent lingered everywhere in my room, in her room. The small amount of sleep that I had was spent on my couch. Christmas went by too, and nothing happened. Her coat and the concert ticket were left untouched in my bedroom, in a random drawer. That evening, I stayed alone in my apartment, trying to imagine what it would have been with Vee around. We would have probably been drinking and laughing, making out on my couch. I'm sure she would have wanted me to buy a Christmas tree, and we would have decorated it together. And the night would have finished somewhere in my apartment, both naked and drowning in each other's touch.

Six months have passed. I tried so hard to forget her face with the many girls trying to get into my pants. I tried so, so hard. But I've never been able to touch someone else. Vee was like a drug, and I was experiencing it. But I was so content for her, she looked like she was finally balancing everything in her life, and she was probably grateful for that. She probably didn't want me back in her life, and I would never dare to enter hers anyway. She must felt relief after all that ended up.

I went back to the Mikey I was before meeting Vee, the cold; heartless man I used to be. My black hair was the only different thing from that past.

Every night I recalled our moment spent together, the only vestige of her was in mind.

Well, my vision seemed to be quite subjective and false, because on few occasions, the guys talked to me. Kakucho, Sanzu, Takeomi and Ran were the ones telling me how I changed, in a bad way. To them, I was more reckless. There were probably right, not that it mattered anyway.

Dante and La Cosa Nostra became close allies, the first trying his best to ease my heart. He presented me to his wife and children, and they were probably the ones who helped me getting through all that shit.

My life didn't make sense anymore. Without Vee by my side, I could finally say it, I was nothing. A dead man walking. While she looked so... full of life.

I saw Senju multiple times, and what I said to Vee was obviously completely false. I've never let myself be tempted with her flirt. The Yamaguchi-gumi stayed on the low for a while too, making their presence known from time to time.

They attacked one of our clubs once, and I almost died in the process. That's maybe what the guys reproached me when they said that I was reckless. Luckily though, Sanzu helped me. Got shot close to the heart, would have died if he didn't push me at the last minute.

The not so discreet scar that I had on my chest was a daily reminder that life was, even for me, something ephemeral.

Tonight was no different than the other nights. Would drown myself in work, files, alcohol and memories of Vee. That scared me because I was slowly starting to forget the sound of her voice.

Mikey.

Hm?

You can't keep doing that

Doing what?

You're not living, you're just... surviving. Amico mio, it's not good. Even Luka noticed your pain, shall I remind you he's only 8? You need to do something.

Look Dante, I appreciate your concern but I'm working right now. Did you call me to say something else?

Your girl has been-

She's not mine anymore. I lost her long ago.

... Venus is going outside tonight. Ran told me and as requested from you, my men keep an eye on her. She hasn't been outside since you stopped talking. You should come and-

Scoffing at him, I rolled my eyes, forehead pressed against my hand.

Dante, just... don't. She's clearly better off without me, and the Yamaguchi-gumi understood she wasn't someone who counted for -

But that was a lie! Manjiro. You could try again with her! We could finish them off, and you two could be happy together. It's just-

No we won't. They got the message when we blew their hideout up. No needs to start something big like this once again, especially when we all know the finality of it.

And what is if if you're so sure of yourself? You know what? I'm gonna bring her to you tonight. You're always staying at your office, expect her and I to be here.

... Venus doesn't need me. She realised she didn't miss me, and that I was only a cancer in her life. I need to go, don't call me again. Thank you for what you did back then.

Hanging up, I left my phone on my desk, leaving my office, but not before asking my executives to meet me in our meeting room.

What's up Mikey?

All sat around me, I looked at them first, before speaking.

Just, thanks for what you did for me.

Snorting, Sanzu stared at me, pupils dilated.

Why does it look like farewells though?

You can leave, you have your evening off. Find some pussy to fuck, get drunk, get high. Do what you want. I want you all to be here tomorrow before 8am.

Groaning, Sanzu stood up, and was the first to leave the room.

You okay?

Of course I am Ran.

Nodding, he patted my shoulder while Rindou simply smiled at me.

Koko had an eyebrow raised.

What's up with you Mikey?

Nothing. You can go Hajime.

Eh? First time you're saying my name. But alright, goodnight Mikey

Now alone with Mochizuku and Takeomi, I turned to them.

Guess I'll head to the strip club then.

Go ahead Kanji

Door closing, I felt Takeomi's eyes on me.

What?

What are you up to Mikey?

Nothing, just need a night away from work. Why aren't you leaving?

Raising his hands in defeat, Takeomi stood up, and as he was going to exit the meeting's room, he stilled.

Manjiro. Don't do anything stupid yeah?

No worries.

Eventually alone, I sat back on the chair, chin on my crossed hands. Would I regret what I was about to do? Probably not. Vee gave me hope, showing me some good time. But I wasn't destined to happiness. My place was in darkness, in hell.

An hour passed, and directing myself to my office, I checked the security cameras. It was 9pm, everyone left the building, as I requested beforehand.

Turning one last time to my office, I suddenly imagined Vee here, with me. Taking my gun off my hoster, I put it on my desk. Closing the door behind me, I went to the roof.

The last time that I've been here was when Sanzu surprised me, and when I said to him that if I happened to die, he would take the lead.

Guess nothing has changed since then.

Approaching my feet from the edge, I looked behind, a flash blinding me for a while. The good old days, when I was Toman's leader, Ken-chin by my side. Takemichi, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, the Kawata twins and the others were below, acclaiming me.

How were they doing now? Did they find happiness? I hope so. Vee crossed my mind too, leaving a warm feeling in my heart.

Throwing a glance at the concrete, I felt cold sweat on my forehead.

I'm sorry, Venus

-Mikey

TO EXPLAIN MYSELF - I wanted to keep the final scene from the manga, when Bonten Mikey is with Takemichi. It's not to destroy the good mood at all, but I do think Mikey is someone who's extremely tortured in his life (as everyone knows lmao) so in this case, where him and you were an item and he had strong feelings toward you, obviously it will destroy him more. Hopefully it's not a triggering subject for you, if it is, I'm sorry bby 😔

see now mod… *exhales*

Yeah, I don’t know about this, Dee.

We stood outside the bar, which from the outside, looked pack to capacity already. Apprehension consumed me. Darren noticed, taking my hand into his and squeezing it.

Do you wanna go home? he asked gently. We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.

I shook my head. If I couldn’t do this, with my best friend no less, I probably wouldn’t be able to do any social event.

No, I’m fine. But we are leaving before 11.

He winked at me.

Fuck yeah we are.

We walked in together at that, arm in arm. Eyes flitted to us and then away when they realized we weren’t anybody of importance. A few lingered on me, recognizing me from the news maybe. I ignored them, allowing Darren to introduce me to his friends. He was right, they were nice. We shared a few drinks, me only having one beer to the others four. After Natalie, I just didn’t trust drinking anymore. Or people in general, always looking outside of people’s actions for their hidden motives.

We left at ten as promised. I shoved Darren and a couple of his friends into separate Ubers since they were way too drunk for me to even trust them driving. After I managed to get transportation for the final drunkard that I was with that night, I started walking toward my own car. But I noticed something. Somebody was following me. Clutching onto the pocketknife I started carrying ever since I got back home, I steeled myself with the thought of pulling it out and taking a life if needed be.

As the person neared, my grip on the hilt was knuckle-white and tight, with little to no chance of slipping off. When they touched me, I spun around fast, placing the knife right beneath their throat. I was smart enough to avoid streetlights.

Who the fuck are you? I snarled, pressing the knife closer with each word I spoke.

The man threw up his hands quickly, but made no move to disarm me. I’m with Dante of La Casa Nostra.

Who?

Me, somebody spoke from our left. I chanced a look and found a man sitting in the back of a heavily tinted jeep. My heart sunk. I learned a long time ago that tinted jeeps were the poster cars for criminal organization and gang leaders to move around in. My name is Dante, Venus, and I came to you requesting help.

Funny way of asking for it, I bit, throwing a look to the man who was following me. And besides, I don’t think I can help you.

It’s about Mikey.

I froze, unsure how to answer for a few seconds, then eventually came up with a, I don’t know a Mikey.

We were there with the Yamaguchis, Venus. La Casa Nostra was a big help in aiding Bonten in that victory. Our sniper was the one that saved your life. So technically, you owe me.

Could I even argue that? I had a feeling that even if I wanted to, there was only stalling I could do before he lost his patience and just forced me to do what he wanted. Powerful men weren’t used to being challenged, after all. Slowly, I placed my knife in my pocket, but always kept it ready to grab in case I had to run. I walked up to the Jeep and hopped in beside Dante, keeping my distance at the same time.

What do you want?

I wanted to get straight to the point, go home if possible.

It’s Mikey, he sighed, pinching his nose as if even the thought of the man pained him to talk about. He’s… not doing so well. Not sleeping, barely eating, wasting away.

Have you ever stopped to consider he was always like that?

It honestly sounded like he was behaving just as he was—

But that was before you met him, Venus.

I clenched my jaw, remembering how he had started eating and sleeping at my request, soon not even needing me to tell him to do either at all. A certain beach date flashed into my mind and I shook my head to rid myself of the memory. Dante observed my reaction, and I wanted to pinch myself for giving an observable one.

Either way, I’m worried, Venus. Mikey is a good guy, an extraordinary ally, but with the way things are looking…I don’t think he’s going to survive much longer to be any of both. Which is why I offered to take you to him as a last resort.

Without my consent?

With or without, he admitted with a laugh. I’m that desperate. He’s not well, Venus. Even my children are concerned.

I gnawed on my thumbnail.

Bringing me to him might not fix him. They might make things worse. For both of us, I wanted to say.

Or they might make them better, he argued.

You couldn’t possibly know that.

I’m willing to take that risk.

I couldn’t answer that. Few things could talk down a stubborn man. I wasn’t one of them.

You know, I really think you and Manjiro belong together. You’re both just too stubborn to see that.

I didn’t reply to that, either. I would’ve agreed once. Manjiro made sure I couldn’t.

We arrived to the building and I was astounded by how distinctly I remembered it despite being away from it from so long. My mind went on that nurse who helped me escape. I wondered if they fired her.

Dante hopped out of the car the same time I did, using a fancy keycard to gain access into the building. Walking through it, I realized I never took the time to appreciate how large the space was. We reached the room where Dante said he’d be— the meeting room.

Mikey, I’m here as promised, Dante announced and I held my breath. I hadn’t the slightest clue what to say when I saw him, or whether what I’d say would be the right thing. Probably not, considering I wanted to curse him like a dog.

I still had time to think of something though. When Dante opened the door, nobody was there.

Am I being pranked? I asked Dante whose eyebrows were furrowed.

That’s strange. He hasn’t checked out of the building at all today so he’s still in here.

I looked around for a bit, feeling something amiss, and then I found the window looking out over the city. Dante, is there any room in this place that has a better view than this one?

No, this is the highest floor in the building. No view comes close. Why do you ask?

They all had something in common. This room, Mikey’s house’s design, the hotels he booked, down to the dates he scheduled— there was one common denominator.

The view. I snapped my fingers. Mikey likes the views!

But there’s no better view than… the roof. He’s on the roof.

I wasted no time, bolting out of the door. The elevator stopped just to the meeting room floor. Only stairs could take you up to the roof. I sprinted up them by God’s grace, barely even winded by the time I opened the door.

Good thing too, because the sight of Mikey took my breath away. It was only his back, the same black hair I had seen him in the last time fluttering in the wind. What worried me most was not where he was standing, feet firmly planted on the ledge. What worried me most was how relaxed he was on the ledge, as if he wasn’t staring a certain death right in the face. A strong enough wind would send him right to it. I couldn’t witness that. My feet moved on their own, fueled by adrenaline. I had barely reached him when he started to push himself over the ledge, but I caught him in time, gripping my shirt between his fingers and snatching him back with all my might. He fell back easily, too startled by the fact somebody was there to catch him to brace himself. He landed right atop of me in a heap of limbs. My hands were trembling. It was as if I had just realized how close I was to missing that chance to grab him. Tears came into my eyes, but I didn’t know if they were from anger or from fear.

You idiot, I whispered harshly through sobs. You fucking idiot.

#tw suicide attempt #🗝; citizen #🗝; mikey #🗝; chronicles of vee: vol. 1 #now mod let me tell you how long i pondered this response #i sat and reflected okay. #in shock. #angst clearly is ur thing bc. #wow

[acecatholic]

hey! how did you guys figure out (for lack of better phrasing?) that you were ace? (idk if you've already written abt this, i'm new to your blog) also it's really cool to find christians who support the lgbt+ community :) thanks!!

Hey! I’m gonna answer for me (Mod Theo) and let the other mods add on when they have the time.

It actually took me a fairly long time to realize that I was ace, I don’t think I had heard the term until i was 17, and didn’t actually start fully identifying and using the term aro-ace to describe myself until i was about 19 (im 20 now). I actually found out about it on tumblr, when someone had reblogged a post with the definition of autochorisexualism (which i wont get into here) and it talked about asexuality and aromanticism, and something about it really resonated with me. So I started researching and researching, and watching every coming out video I could find to see if something would click, and eventually I just found the I related most to the experiences of asexuality. 

I think it was weird for me cause I never really realized that there was a word for it, or that those kind of experiences existed, especially growing up in a catholic/asian household where sex isn’t a topic that’s openly discussed and is fairly discouraged outside of marriage. Which is a huge part of the reason I want to promote the representation of asexuality and aromanticism, so that more people can hear about it, and (hopefully) won’t feel so lost about why their sexuality doesn’t seem to fit in any of the boxes we’re give.

 But yeah, for me it was a long process, and that mainly came out of one post on the internet! 

-Mod Theo

This is Mod Ray. I grew up in an environment where I was always told to reserve sex for marriage. I thought that was easy enough, and I didn’t know why they made it seem like it was a hard thing to do. If you didn’t want the risk of contracting STDs, just don’t have sex (until you’re married). If you didn’t want the risk of pregnancy, just don’t have sex. You know, all that stuff. To me, it made sense. I didn’t understand what was so hard about waiting.

A few days before my 16th birthday, I came across the term ‘asexual’. It kinda made sense for me, but I didn’t think much about it. A few months later, during lunch, one of my school friends asked if I was asexual because my friends were talking about kissing and the idea made me feel queasy. Thinking back, I realize that not liking to kiss doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m asexual. But maybe it was a stereotype that my friends had. Anyway, I did some research on asexuality, and realized it fit me perfectly. Reading the stories and experiences of other asexuals felt as if I were reading about myself. I now understood why I thought not having sex was easy.  From then on, I’ve been identifying as ace.

I figured out my aromantic identity a few months later, but I won’t go into that. You’re welcome to ask me about it on my personal blog.

So yeah, that’s how I figured it out. Mostly because of a series of events that led me to claiming the ace label for myself. 

- Ray

I realized I was asexual during my homecoming dance freshman year.  I hated my school and wanted to do whatever I could to go against their philosophy.  So, the night of homecoming, I hooked up with a guy in a car in the school parking lot.  I did it out of spite and as a way of saying screw you to the school.  I wasn’t attracted to the guy sexually.

Later that year, everyone around me was having sex and I didn’t understand what they felt that I didn’t.  I later found the term asexual and thought it fit.  I was super confused about sexual attraction because I didn’t know that it was a real thing that people felt.

~your ace mother, mod a

#Anonymous #answered #asks #asexual #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #mod theo #ace #aro