#ALL I WANT IS TO DO MY LITERAL JOB. CAN WE ALL PLEASE BE CIVIL FUCKING ADULTS.

[night-dark-woods]

hi everyone please wish me luck not slaughtering my egotistical manchild coworkers who have repeatedly lied to my fucking face please. thank you.

events under the cut bc my complaining got so long.

- i am the inventory coordinator. it is my literal formal job title. i count the inventory i shoot the outs i handle item replacements when something is discontinued, price changes, defectives/thefts, and product resets.

- this role does not actually give me the authority to scold people it just makes it my responsibility to fix. i get my job done by doing an elaborate dance of staying on everyone's good side like a spy going through bank vault lasers.

- gay republican dickhead hardware manager (i am one of two people who has an even marginally good working relationship with him. but he will never be fired bc the store owner likes him) has decided that im not doing outs as frequently as he wants (it was holiday season. and i had covid. and also no one recovers their fucking sections so a 7 section aisle takes me an hour bc the old hardware men are too busy talking about how back in their day domestic abuse was fine to front and face).

- he decided a month ago to delegate this to the guy who has literally had his product ordering privileges revoked for ordering five THOUSAND key rings and FIFTEEN HUNDRED YARDSTICKS. because he doesnt understand order multiples.

- we had an argument about it bc i have CHECKED this man's work before and literally half of them were wrong, and i asked him POLITELY not to fucking count. he has tried to zero the same item that people love to take off the hook and leave sitting on the shelf below it. SIX TIMES. in the last few months. SIX. TIMES. it has been SITTING on the SHELF in FULL VIEW. and he has tried to zero it.

- i thought this was settled, because Gay Republican has been checking in with me before counting stuff.

- today i came in and Incompetent Guy had some stuff in the counting program (unfinalized). i was like okay fine whatever. ill check on it before i finalize what i have to do. and then i went to do it and his stuff was gone! and i was like huh. hey Gay Republican did you finalize it? and he was like no. and i was like huh. so i check the record and Incompetent Guy finalized it HIMSELF.

- this retroactively makes sense of all the times he's Skedaddled avoiding eye contact away from the computer when i come over to do smth, like a dog with something in its mouth it knows it shouldnt have.

- i lose my shit in the back to a different coworker and also text the gm about how to pull his permissions, he definitely overhears me. i also complain to store manager.

- i figure out how to pull permissions and do it.

- Incompetent Guy (who has been avoiding me) walks by me an hour later and then makes a joke to Gay Republican about how he's "going to have to start taking notes again."

FUCKING. MAYBE DONT GO BEHIND MY BACK TRYING TO DO MY JOB WHEN YOU CANT DO IT AND IVE EXPLICITLY ASKED YOU NOT TO!!!

if youre WORRIED im not on top of it. or you WANT me to delegate. FUCKING TELL ME LIKE A CIVIL ADULT. dont go behind my FUCKING BACK like a CHILD.

because this ALL ENDS UP MY PROBLEM TO FUCKING FIX IN THE END. and if you just LET ME DO MY LITERAL JOB. AND DO YOUR OWN. it will take me TWENTY MINUTES. but instead we have to be FUCKING children about it and heres the thing i WILL win the fucking blackmail backstab game if you want to play that way!!! because im on fucking everyones good side!!!

#my posts #workposting #ALL I WANT IS TO DO MY LITERAL JOB. CAN WE ALL PLEASE BE CIVIL FUCKING ADULTS.

[missbluesunflowersstuff]

How do you imagine the adult!Damian's life?

First of all no evil pipeline and second no batman pipeline

I've seen some posts about him retiring himself and becoming a veterinarian but let's be real here, this boy can't stay still, he would enjoy the peace of civil life in the start but he will get bored soon and all his siblings and friends know it

Then I offer you: reluctant hero Damian 'I-said-I-want-peace-and-no-hero-stuff-but-I-see-some-bandits-and-I-need-to-protect-the-others' Wayne

The stories can help him help with the investigation, do a "hacker job" for some friends or siblings, fix some machine, literally punching villains and criminals in their face, being the family healer (he is a sorcerer guys), being the neighborhood cryptid, go some night as random vigilant because 'my brothers and father are so stupid for the fuckin' sake! I still need to do this shit' to save the city and/or his family

Also

Damian, in call with Tim: Explain to me again, why should I do it?

Tim: because I and Bernard are in our sabbat year and we all know how dad is when he is focused and your grades are perfect, Damian, no one would bother if you skip some class to help in this case

Damian: >tt< it's better you give me a nice souvenir when you come back, Timothy

_______

Damian: Jason... Why are you in my kitchen?

Jason: There's a bullet in my leg and I need you to take it out

Damian: ... You have luck that Alfred the cat like you

Jason: Are you not fixing this with magic?

Damian: How did you get shot?

Jason: ...me and my friends are drunk

Damian: you don't deserve magic

_____

Jon: Dami, please please please please please

Damian: I'm not a hero Jon, how do you expect me to invade the Luthor computer to help you? Do you want me to commit a crime?

Jon: please Damian! It's really important this time, I swear!

Damian: >tt< I'm in

Jon: you're the best Dami!

____

Damian gets an internship at the zoo and a group of criminals decide to steal the animals for genetic experiments

Damian: ... not in my watch

Damian, defeat the criminals and save everyone: you're late, it's yours and the girls' day shift

Duke: honestly? we came slowly because we knew you were here

___

Damian: today I just want to garden and read my shoujos

*literally aliens*

And the shit goes, sometimes he needs to be Batman because Bruce is old and needs help in some cases, and obviously the class "I'm not Batman!" basically adopt some random stray kid as young sibling now and carry them around everywhere

And also he will call his siblings for their first names in the future because they get Damian's trust but the most important family members still are: Alfred, Dick and Steph

And as a cherry on top: "you know what? I'm leaving! I can't have a shit in Gotham! I'm moving to Blüdhaven!"

Dick Grayson slowly picks up the box with a flamebird costume that "conveniently" fits on Damian perfectly

I say this because this boy has been disappointed by so many adults in his life and continues to be Robin, so the only conclusion is: he likes being a hero, not because of his father, but because of himself. That's why he wasn't just going to stop being a vigilant, he was going to continue being a hero even when he wanted peace

#damian wayne #dc comics #batfamily #jason todd #dick grayson #bruce wayne #tim drake #batfam headcanons #stephanie brown #duke thomas #cassandra cain #batfam

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I found it. The worst Katara take.

https://www.tumblr.com/illycanary/748146862907867136/kataras-entire-arc-was-about-her-becoming-someone?source=share

Her entire arc was about becoming someone who could lead the Fire Nation!? The nation that GENOCIDED her people!?

Please… please I need to hear your take on this. It hurts my soul. Give me peace.

Zutarians: It's so disgusting how Kataang completely reduces Katara to just "The Avatar's girl."

Also zutarians: Katara's entire arc, trauma and struggles are not actually about herself, but about her Totally Real romance with Zuko and how she'll be great for his nation.

And she used to hate said nation because it was an elusive concept to project her insecurities onto. It was totally not because said nation had in place a socio-political AND military system that was hostile to her, her loved ones, and her culture by design.

It wasn't Zuko and the Fire Nation that had to understand that everyone else in the world was as human as they were, oh no. It was actually Katara and the rest of the world that had to understand that the Fire Nation ain't as bad as they thought - even though they WERE doing all the horrible things they thought they were doing, and ruining their lives by taking away everything and everyone they loved.

#UnhingedZutariansShutTheFuckUpChallenge

Also, can the fandom as a whole stop it with the bullshit "Characters like Jet and Hama existed to teach Katara and Sokka not to be racist against the Fire Nation"?

They were NEVER okay with killing, or even mistreating, someone just because they happened to be born in the Fire Nation or were under their control. Everyone they hated had done something to earn said hate: killed someone they loved, attacked their tribe, chased them around the world, held people prisoner and forced them into slave labor, etc.

You might think it was wrong of Katara and Sokka to do something like try to convince Aang to leave Zuko to die in the North Pole (and the show was very clearly saying that was the case) but you cannot act like that was based on some unearned hostility to anyone vaguely associated with a nation they "didn't understand" and not on, like Sokka said, not giving the guy that was trying to kill them a chance to try again and maybe succeed - hell, Katara gave Zuko a chance in Ba Sing Se, and look what fucking happened. Her best friend died right in front of her because Zuko jsut had to go help Azula take control of the city, and then he sent an assassin after them.

No one is fully good or evil - but people CHOOSE to do bad things, even if they have sympathetic reasons, and a political system CAN be inherently cruel, unfair and EVIL. And the Fire Nation under Sozin, Azulon and Ozai's rule very much was. And since Zuko went out of his way to keep that political system in place, he was doing something evil, and thus the people that were being victimized by him had every right to hate his guts for it.

Once again, let's hear it from Zuko himself:

"Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness."

The Fire Nation screwed up. Zuko screwed up. They need to get their shit together (and Zuko did), and the responsibility to do so is on THEM, not on the people that are quite literally fighting for their lives because the Fire Nation gave them no choice.

It's not Katara's job to make Zuko, and an entire country, see reason. And her arc was about HER journey, HER struggles, HER accomplishments, HER life, HER culture, and HER loved ones - just because Zuko would eventually be part of the last category, that doesn't mean that it secretly all about him the whole time.

And Zuko knows all this. That's why his arc, and his friendship with Katara, works. The show already gave you the perfect scenario to turn that friendship into a romance in fanfics and headcanons, you don't need to pretend the Fire Nation wasn't the obvious bad guy in the war THEY chose to start.

You can respect the beautiful arcs both Katara and Zuko went through, or you can make excuses for the Fire Nation's choice to commit genocide by saying "Well, EVERYONE had something to learn from it." You cannot possibly do both, because their arcs are all about showing this "both sides" thing is NOT TRUE.

#anti zutara #pro katara #pro zuko

[wormbraind]

based on @glassknee's post and @notevenalittle1294's addition, i present to you: the sims endbringer mod, pho style (but not really, this is a fictional sims forum)

♦ Topic: [Self-promo] Endbringer Mod In: Boards ► Modding FKNSHJ (Original Poster) Posted On Apr 20th 2012: Hi all. 🙂 I’m excited to share this mod I’ve been working on. It involves randomized Endbringer attacks. By default they’re fairly more common than they are in real life, happening maybe once every ten in-game years, but if you look at read_me.txt in the downloads I’ve enclosed information on how to alter the probability and how to trigger specific Endbringers as well as how to make them easier or harder to defeat. Besides that I also included CC and a few Easter eggs that won't affect your gameplay.

(Showing page 1 of 2)

►termina2 (2011 Sim Comp Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: whoa, so cool :D i dont play with my sims much so ill try activating some endbringer attacks and see how it goes. im pretty bad at coding tho... ^_^

►tritebuilds (2011 Build Comp Semi-Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: Hey what the fuck? Endbringers aren't a joke. You've clearly never seen the aftermath of an attack, this is making a mockery out of the trauma of Endbringer victims such as myself. Who even comes up with this stuff???

►hshater Replied On Apr 20th 2012: im getting my popcorn lmfao

►termina2 (2011 Sim Comp Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: trite let's keep this civil, please, don't swear...

►oldlostsea Replied On Apr 20th 2012: Wait, isn't this the guy who posted those *suggestive* images of Leviathan?

►hshater Replied On Apr 20th 2012: +oldlostland what?? on here?? where?? not in a weird way like i don't want to see them but proof?

►oldlostsea Replied On Apr 20th 2012: +hshater Ok weirdo. It was on some PHO dupe (it has better information but worse moderation) and I only remember because it was weird + the random letter username stuck with me. I'll DM you the link once I find it.

►hshater Replied On Apr 20th 2012: +oldlostsea yeah yeah take your time. FJSKJ you've got anything to say for yourself?

►oldlostsea Replied On Apr 20th 2012: +hshater I found his account on the site and I downloaded the mod. Definitely the same person. The art style resemblance is uncanny. Sending you the link RN.

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(Showing page 2 of 2)

►spaceg1rl (Suspended) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: why does the mod's art look like that? yeah he definitely wants to fuck them screenshot(64).png

►hole (Moderator) (2011 Simp Comp Winner) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: @spaceg1rl This is your fifth infraction this year. Suspended for two months.

►hshater Replied On Apr 20th 2012: +oldlostsea sorry i was walking my dog. and yeah that looks exactly the same as what spacegirl (rip) posted +hole i mean this as kindly as possible pleasedontgivemeawarning but with that username what grounds do you have to stand on

►hole (Moderator) (2011 Simp Comp Winner) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: @hshater It's a reference to Hole, the band, of which I made many Sims. You can see them in my Round 2 submission to last year's Sim Comp

►hshater Replied On Apr 20th 2012: yeah i'm sorry to break it to you but your tag says simp comp. congrats though!

►termina2 (2011 Sim Comp Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: i really love the atmosphere and the art and the cc... really surprised this was made by one person! good job!

►tritebuilds (2011 Build Comp Semi-Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: +termina2 You are literally contributing to the normalization of Endbringer attacks.

►termina2 (2011 Sim Comp Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: ?? im going to log off for a bit to work on a school project. really dont like how toxic you all are getting :( it's just a mod

►tritebuilds (2011 Build Comp Semi-Finalist) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: @cookiecrumbles @tenovertwosmallstones PLEASE remove this. It's extremely offensive and potentially f*tish content.

►cookiecrumbles (Moderator) Replied On Apr 20th 2012: I'm disabling replies while we discuss this. Please avoid harassing each other anywhere else in the meantime.

End of Page.   1, 2

#writing #parahumans #endbringers

[dreamwritesimagines]

Enamored Extra Scene - 14

[Set in: During chapter 35]

Not that he would ever admit it to anyone, but he was beginning to understand why every suitor went to Elias to talk about his sister, instead of their father.

He made his way to the door to Duke’s study and Cecily turned her head when she heard him approach, then grinned at him.

“So, Lord Bridgerton,” she taunted him. “Your final trial.”

“Quite literally,” Anthony murmured. “Do you think he will shoot me or…?”

Cecily hummed. “Nowhere lethal,” she commented. “I think.”

“Great.”

“It would be romantic, your betrothed would love that.”

“Thanks a lot, Cece,” Anthony said, making her laugh and he took a deep breath, then knocked on the door.

“Come in,” The Duke’s voice reached them and he gave Cecily a faint smile, then opened the door to step inside.

The Duke was sitting behind his mahogany desk with a glass of scotch in his hand and he raised his glances to look at him when Anthony closed the door behind him.

“Lord Bridgerton,” he said and motioned at the armchair by his desk. “Please, take a seat.”

Alright, this honestly felt like that one time he had broken all the fine china.

Anthony tried to ignore the nervousness and went to sit down on the armchair. “Lord Avon.”

“Let’s hope this conversation goes better than the last one we had,” he commented and Anthony cleared his throat.

“I’ve been informed by my mother that…it wasn’t my place to talk of something I didn’t know about,” he said. “My apologies, I was not thinking clearly.”

“No you were not,” the Duke said. “Lady Bridgerton is a wise person.”

“She is.”

“Much like your father,” he stated. “Makes me wonder who you took after.”

Oh this conversation was off to a good start.

Anthony raised his brows but managed to hold back the retort. The Duke eyed him for a moment and let out a small chuckle.

“I’m jesting,” he said. “Scotch?”

“Is it poisoned?” Anthony asked back and the Duke rolled his eyes.

“I’ll leave that to my sister if the need arises,” he commented before he went to fill his own glass along with another, then handed the other glass to him. Anthony took a huge sip and cleared his throat.

“I know you don’t approve of me,” he said. “As her suitor or in general.”

The Duke made a noise of discontent before leaning back in his seat.

“But I love her.”

The Duke sipped his scotch and heaved a sigh.

“Listen,” he said. “For the sake of your father, I will try to keep this conversation civil.”

“I appreciate that.”

“But you do not have my approval.”

Anthony frowned, sitting up straighter. “Why not?”

The Duke swirled the drink in his glass. “Anthony…”

“No, give me an actual, valid reason,” Anthony said. “Besides the fine china incident, I was a child back then. Tell me why you do not approve.”

“Where do I start?” the Duke asked. “Firstly, you did not ask me beforehand.”

“Her opinion on the matter is more important than anyone else’s, she said that before.”

“This was a very short courtship period.”

“I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with her, why would I wait?”

“You barely know each other.”

“I’ve known her longer than Elias has known Cecily— you don’t have to like me,” Anthony insisted. “But you have to look at this objectively.”

The Duke ran a hand over his face and thought for a moment.

“Edmund would be proud of you.”

Anthony was so ready to oppose anything he would say that he had already opened his mouth, then he pulled back slightly, trying to wrap his mind around what he had just heard.

“What?” he asked, completely confused and the Duke shrugged.

“Your father was a great man,” he said. “And he was a very close friend of mine as you know. And after his death, you did a great job in stepping up, you’ve taken on a very heavy responsibility at such a young age. Anyone else would have stumbled at the very least but you…you did not. You’re a much respected Viscount, your family has a prominent position within the ton, and as the head of the family, you honestly do not have any faults I can think of at this point.”  

Anthony felt the need to look down at his glass to check whether he was in fact drinking scotch or something much stronger that would twist his hearing.

“I’m telling you all these so that you can understand what I’m saying comes from an objective stance,” the Duke said. “All those traits are remarkable yes. But Anthony, you would not make a good husband and I will not sacrifice my daughter to test that theory.”

Ah.

There it was.

“I love her—”

“For now.”

“Forever,” Anthony corrected him. “You of all people would understand, would you not?”

The Duke shot him a look. “As you said, my love story is a cautionary tale.”

“Doesn’t matter. You know how it feels.”

The Duke let out a tired breath. “You have quite the reputation,” he said. “What is it they call you? Capital R rake?”

“I’m not like that anymore.”

“You barely hid your escapades from the ton.”

“That was before she got here.”  

“You had a mistress up until what, merely a couple of weeks ago?”

“Months ago,” he corrected him. “I put an end to that arrangement the moment I realized my feelings.”

“Either way, you’ve been popular among the ladies for years now,” the Duke said. “And that changed overnight?”

Anthony scoffed, even the thought feeling quite absurd now.

“I can’t even notice anyone else when she’s in the room,” he said. “Let alone looking at another.”

A silence fell upon the room and the Duke took a deep breath.

“Your word alone is not very assuring in this case, you know that.”

Anthony thought for a moment, then cleared his throat.

“What of your own experience then?”

“What?”

“As you said, my father and you were close friends,” he said. “He used to talk about all those adventures you two used to have. You had a reputation too, among ladies.”

The Duke raised his brows. “Decades ago.”

“Exactly, and it changed.” Anthony said. “When you met your wife.”

“That’s very different.”

“Is it?” Anthony insisted. “Because I know for a fact that you never took a mistress or even entertained the idea of another woman even after your divorce. I’m willing to bet that you’ve never been unfaithful the whole time you were married to her.”

“Of course not.”

“So it changed for you overnight,” Anthony said. “Why is it so difficult for you to believe that it changed for me overnight as well?”

“I was not a good husband,” the Duke pointed out. “As you so eloquently put it. I’m not going to put my daughter through a similar hell that her mother went through.”

Anthony shook his head. “I would never do that to her.”

“And yet you hurt her.”

That familiar bitterness spread through Anthony’s throat and paused for a moment, trying to put the words in order before he took a sip of his drink, deep in thought.

“I did,” he admitted after a couple of seconds of silence. “It was a misunderstanding, but that is not an excuse. It shouldn’t have happened, and I swear on my honor that it will never, ever happen again.”

The Duke watched him quietly and Anthony downed his drink, then put the glass on the desk.

“Now that all cards are on the table, there’s something you should know,” Anthony said. “I do want your approval on this, but I’m not going to let you stand in the way. You wanted to know why I didn’t ask you first? It’s because the only opinion I care about is hers. Not yours, hell, not even Elias’s at this point. Only hers. So even if you don’t trust me, I don’t care as long as I have her trust. And most importantly, she loves me.”

The Duke narrowed his eyes, glaring at him.

“I’ve never loved anyone more in my entire life,” Anthony said. “I’ve never wanted anything more than being with her. I’m not going to put her through that hell, because she is the embodiment of my heaven. So trust me, by hook or by crook I will be with her, regardless of your opinion or your approval.”

The Duke clenched his jaw before he clicked his tongue.

“Very well,” he said. “I’ll think about it.”

Anthony nodded and stood up from his seat to walk to the door, but stopped as soon as the Duke spoke.

“Lord Bridgerton?”

He turned around, adrenaline still rushing through him. “Yes?”

“If I do approve,” he said. “You do realize I will not make things easy for you during the settlement negotiations, do you not?”

Anthony shrugged his shoulders.

“As far as I’m concerned, everything I own is already hers,” he said. “Do your worst.”

With that, he opened the door and walked out of the study before closing the door behind him and Cecily saw him from the end of the hall, then rushed to him.

“How did it go?”

Anthony thought for a moment, then let out a breath, leaning back to the wall.

“To be honest,” he murmured. “I have no idea.”

#enamored extra scene #anthony bridgerton x reader

[helloalycia]

watching TV [one] // kate bishop

summary: everything seems like it's going perfectly in your life – your girlfriend, your best friend, your job – until it's not. After your girlfriend breaks up with you so suddenly, you're left trying to understand what the problem was, but Kate is there to make it all better.

warning/s: mention of a breakup, mild violence and injury.

author’s note: i’ve literally had this in my drafts for so long and finally managed to finish it. It’s based off/inspired by the song ‘Watching TV’ by Sara Kays – feel free to listen to it whilst you read (I’ve popped the song below). Hope you enjoy!

two / three / masterlist / wattpad

"Are you really just going to sit here and keep buying coffee, Kate?" I ask my very determined best friend with amusement.

"Well, I got told off last time for staying all day and not buying more than one drink, so yeah," she replies like it's obvious. "And I don't want you to get fired because of it, so duh. I'd buy the whole menu if it meant we could hang out, Y/N."

I roll my eyes, feeling my smile widen at how cute she could be sometimes. I worked in a coffee shop and, since graduating, I'd been increasing my hours to pay rent which meant I was spending less time with Kate than usual. So, naturally, her solution was to hang out with me at work.

"You're cute, I'll give you that," I say, shooting her an appreciative look, before setting her third cup of coffee down before her. "Please don't have a caffeine overdose for my sake though."

She grabs my hand and puts it on her chest. "You feel that? It's a little too late."

I laugh when I feel the faint thrumming of her heart in her chest, faster than it should be. "Wow. I'm definitely cutting you off now."

"The things we do for love." She flashes me a grin and I shake my head with dismay.

Before I can think to say anything else, I glance behind her and my smile widens when I spot my girlfriend entering through the front door. She looks around, mirroring my smile when she spots me, too.

"Hannah, what are you doing here?" I ask with surprise.

She leans forward to kiss my cheek, making me grow warm at the contact. "I was running some errands and thought I'd stop by. Also just wanted to double check we were still on for tonight."

"Of course we are. I'm looking forward to it. Already got the snacks in and the films ready to go," I answer excitedly, meeting her brown eyes.

We'd planned for her to stay over at mine tonight and have a movie night just because, and to say I was looking forward to it was an understatement.

"Kate, hey, how are you?" Hannah asks politely, noticing her presence before us.

Kate's smile fades slightly and I can tell she's trying to remain civil. "Hey, Hannah... I'm good. And you?"

Hannah gives her a smile. "Doing great..."

It gets awkwardly quiet and I hate that it has to be like this. Hannah and I have been dating for about a year now, but her and Kate have never really gotten along. Or rather, there's just an awkwardness between them that never disappeared with time like I wanted. They both meant a lot to me and so made the effort with one another for my sake, but it's clear they wouldn't choose to converse if they could. I've tried talking to Kate about it, but she claims everything is fine. Same with Hannah. So, I just got used to it.

"Right, well I should get back to work," I break the silence with a small smile, looking between them. "Hannah, c'mon, I'll take your order. And Kate." I give her a warning look. "Last coffee. I mean it."

Her sincerity returns as she challenges my stare. "We'll see."

I scoff gently, leaving her to it as I return to my position at the till. Kate never listens, what can I say? But I won't lie – I love having her around.

As planned, Hannah stays over that same evening, watching films with me and eating way too much junk food to be considered healthy. But it's fun and I have never felt more relaxed, not unless I'm by myself or with Kate.

She stays overnight, sharing bed with me and cuddling to no ends, before I make us both a hearty breakfast and we reside on the couch to watch some midday TV together. Maybe the normalcy of it all is what throws me off – bad things shouldn't happen when everything feels normal. That's the whole point of something being normal, it's not bad. And yet...

"Y/N, I need to tell you something."

I hum in response, not really paying attention as I watch the telly. "Go for it."

Hannah hesitates. "I'm serious."

I furrow my brows slightly, glancing over at her at the change of her voice. "What is it?" When I notice the guilt in her expression, I straighten up and mute the TV, giving her all of my attention. Clearly something is bothering her. "Hey, Hannah, what is it? What's wrong?"

When I grab her hand, hoping to provide some comfort for whatever is bothering her, she pulls hers away.

"I'm breaking up with you."

I blink, taken aback by her bluntness. "You're– you– what?"

It doesn't seem plausible, what she said. Is this a stupid joke? Because it's not funny.

She chews on the inside of her cheek, eyes avoiding mine, and the longer she's quiet, the more my fear builds up that she's being serious.

"I didn't know how else to say it," she says quietly. "But I'm breaking up with you."

It's as if her words aren't quite sinking in because they just don't make sense. Breaking up? We're literally watching TV – how can she be breaking up with me?

"I don't understand," I say slowly, before attempting to reach over for her hand. A strike of hurt passes through me when she yanks her hand away further. "I need you to explain. To talk to me. I'm– what?"

She shakes her head slowly, standing up. I follow her with my eyes, trying to hide the way my breathing is becoming quicker, panicked, worried.

"I can't do this anymore," she says awkwardly, running a hand through her hair. "That's all."

Standing up, I try to step closer to her, unable to acknowledge the truth of the matter which is that she doesn't want to be near me. But how? Why? We were cuddling last night and now she suddenly can't stand me? What?

"Hannah, please give me more than that," I say with a teary smile, confused. "How can you suddenly want to break up? What's going on?"

She clenches her jaw, finally risking a glance my way, and it's like I'm staring at a completely different person. Her eyes are void of love or adoration or anything I feel for her. Has it been like that for a while? Have I never noticed?

"I'm sorry, Y/N," she says, and she sounds anything but, making my heart ache. "I should go."

There are no words to describe the utter disbelief I feel at watching grab her shoes, pulling them onto her feet. She's leaving? That's it? What?

"Wait a minute, Hannah," I say quickly, snapping back into action and following after her. "You're breaking up with me? Just like that? How can you–? I don't understand–"

"I don't love you anymore!" she snaps, making me jump. She swallows hard, exhaling and looking my way with guilty eyes. "I've been trying to tell you for a while now. It just never felt like the right time."

My throat closes up as she stares at me with pity. Shameful warmth creeps onto my cheeks. She doesn't love me anymore?

"That's all," she finishes softly, like it's not a big deal, like my heart isn't shattering at every word she speaks.

"You don't... why would... you..." I swallow thickly, trying to stop my voice from shaking so much. It doesn't help that she's staring at me with pitiful eyes. "What did I do?"

She sighs, rubbing her forehead with her forefinger and thumb. "Nothing. I just... I don't love you anymore."

My vision blurs with tears as I look to the floor, trying to figure out what that means. How can she not love me anymore? We've been fine. Nothing has gotten between us, we literally just hung out all evening. I'm still in love with her – she's my girlfriend. How can she decide she wants to leave all of a sudden?

"I'm sorry," she says once more, but it's mere background noise to my jumbled thoughts. Her hand ghosts my wrist, an apologetic squeeze, before I hear her leaving my apartment.

So, that's it? She leaves? And I'm alone? No explanation, no reason, just that she isn't in love with me anymore?

What?

Before the initial hurt can take over, I'm still very much confused. I try to call her, needing more of an explanation then a mere 'I don't love you anymore'. We've been together for a year – how can she just want to throw that all away? Doesn't she owe me more than a blunt breakup?

When she ignores my calls and texts, merely sending a 'l have nothing more to say, Y/N' text with finality, I realise she's dead serious. This isn't an elaborate prank, nor did she care enough to give me more than what she did. It's over. And I'm just supposed to accept that.

I've had breakups before. One where I've been the dumper, and another where I've been the dumped. Neither have hurt as much as this. I expected those, there were signs there. Lack of communication, the feeling like we were drifting apart, the bickering... it was obvious when my previous relationships were coming to an end. But this one came out of nowhere. I had no chance to prepare, to tell myself to stop loving her back.

I shouldn't spend my time wondering why, but it's all that's on my mind. If I'm not crying in my room, missing someone who doesn't want me anymore, then I'm wondering: why? What was the reason? She doesn't love me anymore, but there has to be a reason why.

Something about me isn't good enough for her. Something about me is so undesirable that she stopped loving me. What? Was it that time I showed up late to dinner and left her waiting fifteen minutes? Was it that time I disagreed with the way she spoke to her mum and we argued briefly about it afterwards?

It's so easy to reflect on every disagreement, every minor argument, every time I could have pissed her off... one of those times must have been it for her. The reason she called it quits.

What is it?

As if getting broken up with isn't embarrassing enough, it had to be by the girl my best friend never approved of. Such a cliché, right? That should have been an instant red flag, the girlfriend not being approved by the best friend. And yet I still went for it.

The last thing I want is for Kate to find out, for her to think that she was right. She'd never say it, but just her thinking it would be enough to make me feel even shittier. She'll have to find out eventually, but for now, it's better to keep to myself. Besides, I'm definitely not in the mood to face anybody at the moment, so I try to stick to myself.

Whenever she asks to hang out, I give her some lame excuse why I can't. Half the time it's because I'm actually working, but she'd never know the difference. If I'm not doing that, I spend my time applying for better jobs that actually utilise my degree whilst questioning every aspect of my relationship. How hadn't I seen it coming? Hannah had just woken up one day, looked at me and decided she couldn't love me anymore.

Yeah, it's safe to say I've never felt worse.

Of course, soaking in self-pity doesn't go down so easily when your best friend is as persistent as she is.

I don't know why I expect anything less from Kate, who is the definition of a hyperactive puppy, but I'm still surprised when she visits me at work one afternoon.

"Kate? What are you–? What are you doing here?"

She quirks a brow as she shoots me an amused smile. "Don't act too surprised."

I clear my throat, straightening up. "Sorry, I– sorry, just, what's up? How did you know I was working?"

"We'll, you've only been saying you're busy with work every time I want to hang out with you, so I thought I'd stop by," she says dramatically and with an easygoing smile. "That okay?"

I nod, looking down at the till. "Yeah, of course. Sorry."

She pauses, so I look up to see her humour is gone, replaced with concern. "Hey, are you okay? You seem preoccupied."

I force a smile, not wanting to get into this now and definitely not ready to tell her about the breakup when it's still so fresh. "Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. Just tired from all the shifts, sorry."

She dips her head to find my eyes, her blue ones flickering between mine worriedly. With a low voice, she says, "What's with all the extra shifts? Do you need money? Because you know I'll always help you, Y/N."

I shake my head, widening my smile and hoping it looks genuine. "Kate, I'm fine, don't worry. Now, come on. What can I get you?"

She chews on her lip, no doubt about to retort, but thankfully she decides not to and instead orders her drink. After moving to go get it ready, I sigh inwardly, knowing I need to make more effort with her. She'll definitely suspect something if I keep avoiding her.

It's hard to focus on applying for jobs when you're definitely not in the mood to, but I still force myself to at least dedicate a few hours a day to searching and starting some applications. After all, I don't want to be working at a coffee shop forever.

I'm at home doing just that when Kate messages me, asking if I'm at home. After telling her I am, she invites herself over and I can't exactly stop her, even though I'd rather just be alone, so I tell her okay and throw on a more presentable outfit (AKA putting on pants).

When there's a knock at the door, I roll off my bed and answer it, unable to stop the small smile appearing on my face at the sight of Kate. Even though I haven't been myself lately, she always manages to make everything a little better without even realising.

"Hey," I say, stepping to the side to let her in. "How you doing?"

I notice she's wearing her Avengers sweatshirt and joggers which is just a black outfit with the Avengers logo printed on the corner.

"You been at the Compound?" I ask, closing the door after she steps in.

"Hey, yeah," she starts, sounding a little distracted.

"Oh, cool." I lead her to the couch as I ask, "So, how was training or whatever it is that Avengers do?"

It's supposed to be lighthearted but she doesn't fall into it like she usually does, leaving me curious.

"What?" I ask when she begins to frown at me.

She hesitates, eyes flickering to the spot behind me briefly, before saying, "I bumped into Hannah on the way back to my place before."

And as if somebody flicks a switch, any comfort I feel is immediately gone at the mention of my ex's name. Judging by Kate's face, she knows. And I don't know what's worse – the look she's giving me or the possible thoughts running through her head about me.

"Y/N...," she says gently, stepping forward. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug indifferently, avoiding her sympathetic stare. "It didn't come up."

Kate raises her brows with slight disbelief. "Y/N."

I put my hands behind my back nonchalantly, trying to hide my fidgeting. "What did she say?" I ask.

She bites her lip, eyes studying me in a concerned way but one that only leaves me embarrassed.

"I was saying hello to her to be polite," she answers reluctantly. "And then I asked about you, if you were okay because you've been distracted lately and I thought she might know more than I do. But then she got all awkward and said she wouldn't know. So, obviously, I said what? And she–" She frowns. "She said she broke up with you like three weeks ago."

I close my eyes, wincing with embarrassment. She said that? If there was any way I wanted Kate to find out, this was the last.

"Y/N, what the hell?" Kate says, making me open my eyes to see her confusion. "What happened?"

I push my hair from my eyes and try to remain calm, but the feelings are bubbling away on the surface again and I begin to feel uncomfortable. "It's not a big deal. It was just a breakup. I should have known it wouldn't work out."

Should I have?

"What was the reason?" she asks carefully, and I hate that I can't answer that because I don't know. That's what hurts the most.

How do I explain to Kate that something about me wasn't enough for Hannah to love so she left me instead?

"Please can we just forget about it?" I plead quietly, risking a glance in Kate's direction. "I know this is the part where you say 'I told you so', but I'm–"

"Hey, no, stop it," she cuts me off, resting her hand on my shoulder and dipping her head to meet my gaze. "That's not even a thought of mine right now. I'm just worried about you... how are you?"

I flash her a forced smile, nodding. "I'm fine, Kate, see?"

It's a terrible attempt to convince her, but it's easier than telling her exactly how I'm feeling. I hope she doesn't push it, but she does one better and pulls me in for a hug. I didn't realise how much I needed it until she's wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight and providing a warmth I so dearly missed. I relax at the feeling, tucking my head into her shoulder and revelling in her care.

"Seriously, what happened?" she asks softly.

I don't let go of her, not yet. But she deserves an answer. And maybe I'm sick of bottling it all up.

"I don't know," I admit quietly, voice breaking embarrassingly enough.

She's patient, letting me hold her for a moment longer as I gather the courage to face her. It's not about her – Kate and I are close enough for me to tell her my deepest, darkest secrets. It's more about how embarrassing it is to be in this situation in the first place.

"She just broke up with me," I finally speak once I pull away from Kate's embrace. Her blue eyes watch me, hanging onto my every word, and it feels good to say it aloud even though my heart still breaks reliving it. "There wasn't any warning. And when I asked her why, she said– she said she didn't love me anymore. Just like that."

Okay, so saying it aloud doesn't feel good. I take it back.

"Sorry," I say when I realise tears are rolling down my face and my nose is all stuffy. Backing up, I look away and wipe my face with my sleeves. "I don't mean to be all gross. It's embarrassing, I know–"

"No it's not," she says quickly, shaking her head and watching me with a softened stare. "Is that why you didn't tell me? Because you were embarrassed?"

I exhale deeply, not knowing what to say because, funnily enough, I'm still embarrassed.

"Y/N," she urges, grabbing my hand, but I pull back gently, ashamed of the pity.

"Yes, that's why I didn't tell you," I tell her with a frown, meeting her gaze through blurred vision. "How isn't it completely and utterly humiliating, Kate? She broke up with me because she suddenly woke up one day, looked at me and thought 'nope, don't love her!' Something about me is unloveable, clearly. How isn't that embarrassing?"

Kate steps forward, grabbing my hand and squeezing it before I can let go. "Are you insane, Y/N? That's not true at all, not one bit!"

I scoff quietly, looking away from her. She only tugs me closer by my hand, forcing me to look at her.

"Who the hell in their right mind would fall out of love with you?!" she exclaims, throwing a hand up in the air. "There's clearly something wrong with her! You're amazing!"

I roll my eyes, finding it difficult to believe her. Besides, she's biased. As a best friend, she's not exactly going to put me down, is she?

"This isn't an 'I told you so' moment," she says adamantly, before pulling me into another hug, holding me so tight that I'm surprised she cares this much at all. "I'm here for you. I care about you and I wish you'd told me so you didn't have to go through it alone... please, don't push me away."

It's impossible not to love her right now, not when she's reminding me exactly how lucky I am to have her in my life.

"Thanks," I mutter into her shoulder. "I just... I don't want to talk about it."

I feel her nod in response before she pulls away and holds me at arm's length. I can't read her expression, surprisingly enough, but then she offers me a comforting smile and I almost regret not telling her in the first place.

That's Kate Bishop for you.

Since Kate discovered the truth, it's easier to just be me... the distant, moody, sulking version that is. I don't expect to feel better straight away, but it sucks being sad and I hate that I can't do much about it. I don't want it to consume me though, so I try not to distance myself from the people in my life, people like Kate. I try to keep my promise of letting her in and not pushing her away, but it's too easy to sulk.

"Did you see that, Y/N?! Clint taught me that one!"

I look up when I realise Kate is talking to me, jumping up and down with excitement, bow and arrow in hand. She invited me to hang out with her at the Avengers Compound whilst she gets some archery training in. She knows how much I love messing around with her whenever she invites me, but today I'm just not feeling it and I may or may not have been zoning out a little.

"I... sorry, Kate, I must have missed it," I admit with an apologetic smile. "Bet it was great though."

Her smile fades as she tilts her head, studying me. I know what she's thinking and look away, deciding that maybe I should leave if I'm just bringing the mood down. But then she skips over to me lightheartedly, taking a seat beside me.

"Hey," she says softly, tapping my knee with her forefinger.

I look over at her and she's already smiling my way, eyes looking up at me as she's leaned down, trying to catch my attention. Admittedly, my lips curl upwards.

"I want to take you to the fair that's happening in Central Park," she continues, straightening up in her seat, never looking away from me.

I exhale sharply, trying not to laugh. "I don't think I'd be very good company."

She lifts a brow hopefully. "Please?"

As much as I don't want to attend a fair, Kate's cute pout is very convincing, and I find myself sighing quietly, giving in with a nod. Her smile widens shamelessly before she pulls me in for a hug.

"Gross, Kate, c'mon," I whine petulantly, attempting to shove her away because she's all sweaty from training.

She only laughs and hugs me even tighter, winning against my useless attempts to fight her. I roll my eyes, pouting, but I'd be lying if said I didn't love it.

A few nights later is when the fair takes place and I realise what I've agreed to. The only reason I bother getting ready and not completely bailing is Kate's texts all day telling me how excited she is. For her sake, I try my best to push away my grumpiness as of late so we can actually have a good time.

I'm waiting for her outside my apartment building so we can go together when I spot her approaching.

"Somebody took their time," I joke when I see her.

"My bad," she chuckles nervously, stopping before me, and my eyes widen when I spot the cuts sprinkled over her face, covered by little bandages.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Raising my hand instinctively, I have to stop myself from touching her cuts, fingers hovering over them.

"For God's sake, Kate, can't you stay out of trouble ever?" I say with annoyance, though the worry I'm trying to disguise is still very much present.

"Nope...?" she says when I lower my hand, grinning sheepishly.

I settle with an eye roll, scoffing quietly. She's always been careless like this, gaining bruise after cut, even before she joined the Avengers. It always worried me, now more so than ever, but she's also unsurprisingly good at staying alive so I can't really say anything. Plus, I'm not too sure she'd listen to me if I tried to stop her from being stupid anyway.

"Come on, let's go!" she changes the subject, tugging at my hand. "I've already got my heart set on a corn dog."

"Yeah, yeah..."

When we reach Central Park, the fair is in full swing, bustling with people, vendors, rides and music playing loudly. It's the most perfect sight, instantly brightening my mood, to my surprise. Kate immediately drags me to the first thing she sees – a corn dog stand – before taking charge the whole evening. We play countless fairground games, hop on a few definitely unsafe rides, hit each other in the bumper cars and eat way too much junk food. I don't think I've enjoyed myself this much since the breakup.

By the time I'm pretty sure we've done everything the fair has to offer, twice over, we find ourselves sat on a bench to get off our feet. Kate is eating from a bag of popcorn whilst I take another look at our winnings from the night – a stuffed toy, some key rings, snacks... pointless stuff, but I can't love it any more than I do.

"You look happy," Kate says, and it takes me a moment to tear my attention away from one of the keyrings I'm studying. She's smiling at me, blue eyes twinkling with the neon lights.

"I am," I say, shrugging.

She purses her lips, looking down. "I missed seeing it."

I look away, unsure what to say but imagining what it must be like for her lately. I haven't exactly been the greatest company, but she's still stuck by me.

"It's not true, y'know," she adds carefully.

"What?"

A pause, and then: "You're not unloveable. I wouldn't be here if you were."

At the mention of my words to her once she'd discovered the truth – my fear, deep down – I close my eyes and sigh quietly. A retort is at the tip of my tongue because no matter how convinced she sounds, I know it's not entirely true. Why else would Hannah simply fall out of love with me? Get bored of me so easily?

But before I can say anything, Kate's hand slips into mine, making me open my eyes with surprise. She takes my other hand, too, forcing me to face her slightly as she watches me with a seriousness she rarely showed.

"It hurts now, but it will get better," she says with complete and utter sincerity, her eyes boring through mine. "What Hannah did was horrible. The way she went about it..." She pauses, looking up with a suppressed scowl. "God, if I could see her again just to give her a taste of her own medicine." Shaking the thought away, she looks to me once more. "But that's besides the point. Don't let it ruin you, Y/N. You're the best. And you deserve the world and every good thing in it, and you'll get it someday. For now... well," she cracks a smile, jokingly, "you'll just have to settle with me.

A small smile tugs at my lips, heart warming at her words.

"You're the last thing from unloveable," she adds, giving me a knowing look.

I'm not sure if I believe her words, but I believe that she believes it, and that's enough for me for now.

"Thank you, Kate," I finally speak, surprised at way my voice breaks. Her words have more of an effect on me than I thought. Embarrassed but smiling nonetheless, I avoid her eyes and pull her in for a hug. "I love you, you know that?"

She snickers, returning my hug. "I know, Y/N. I think you know I love you, too."

I sigh contently, tightening my hold when she tries to pull away. She chuckles quietly, staying put, and I'm grateful because I don't want to let go just yet. She's been here for me when I haven't been myself and I've never felt more gratitude for her than I have right now. What I have here with Kate, this friendship... it's definitely unconditional. It always has been.

#kate bishop #kate bishop x reader #kate bishop imagine #hawkeye #hawkeye imagine #marvel #mcu #hailee steinfeld

[thenerdnextdoorxo]

LOATH TO LOVE

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Summery: You and Wanda are literal enemies. Fury sets you two up for a mission.

"WHAT?!!"

You and Wanda exclaimed.

"There is no way I'm going on a mission with her!!" You screamed, pointing at Wanda.

"Oh as if I want!!" She screamed back.

"Guys, this is not a choice for you to make, you two are capable of doing the mission better than others, this is why I chose you," Fury chimed in. " Would you please set aside all of this bullshit and get the job done?" He asked, looking at you two

Ever since you joined the team, and you and Wanda have been at each other's throat. To you, she is a show off. She shows off how powerful she is and can't shut up about it, so you decided it was your duty to show her who is the strongest.

You have the power of electricity. You can shock everyone in the room in a matter of seconds. Your mood can affect it too. If you are in a really bad mood or shouting at someone, electricity would cover your body to a point where if anyone touched you, they would literally fry.

You and Wanda were always fighting. The team got tired from it. All of them except Nat. She found it amusing.

When Fury left and left you guys to figure yourselves out, Natasha cam in. "Wow, I would LOVE to see you two going on a mission and fighting all the time, it would be incredible." She stated.

"Piss off Nat," You replied, storming out of the room. "You know, maybe it's your time to finally stop the mini civil war," She said. "Mini civil war?" Wanda asked. "That's what me and the rest of the team call it," She chuckled.

Wanda just sighed and walked out of the room to continue training.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"L/N, you know what to do, right?" Steve asked from the ear piece.

"Yes, I do Rogers," You replied

"Yeah right, your gonna ruin shit for us like you always do," Wanda scoffed.

"ALWAYS??!!!" You screamed.

"Guys, focus on the mission," Fury scolded.

"We are focusing, but Wanda has suddenly decided to be a bitch, and I don't think we are going to be able to finish the mission today, the guy we are looking for hasn't arrived yet." You stated. "We have to find somewhere to stay in."

"Alright, take care." Steve said and then closed the call.

"Come on jackass, we need to find a motel."

"WHO YOU CALLING JACKASS-"'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Welcome to the East State Motel, how can I help you?" The guy at the counter said boringly. He sounded like he was saying this phrase over and over again to every customer.

"We would like to stay in a room." Wanda said. "Separate bedrooms." You emphasized on separate and Wanda rolled her eyes.

"I would have to apologize, there is only one room left with a queen sized bed," The guy stated.

"What do you mean there is ONE room??" you exclaimed. "We can't stay in one room!!" Wanda continued.

"Well. it's not my problem," The guy said with the same tone, reaching for the key's and giving them to you.

"One of us has to sleep on the floor," Wanda said. "That's gonna be you of course," You replied. "And what makes you so sure??" She asked. "Oh I don't have to be sure, I just know," You replied with a smug.

As soon as you reached the room and you two saw how dirty the floor is, none of you wanted to sleep on the floor.

"You are used to the filth you can sleep on the ground!" Screamed Wanda. "HEY!! WATCH WHAT YOUR SAYING!!" You exclaimed. "I'm watching." She said. "The only person who is going to sleep in here is you!!" "AND WHO SAYS THAT!!??" "Me of course."

After a lot of bickering you two decided that you should sleep in the same bed, BUT with a pillow wall.

"This side is mine if you cross it, I would turn you into dust." You said. You can actually turn someone to dust with the right amount of electricity.

The entire night, Wanda kept taking all the blanket and you tried pulling it off but she was too heavy, so you decided to just sleep in the cold.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you two woke up, you were surprised that you were tangled in each other, almost cuddling. When you realized that, you two immediately jumped off the bed screaming.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING???" "ME???? WHAT WERE YOU DOING!!!" "YOU CLEARLY WERE THE ONE TO START IT!!!!" "YOU STOLE THE BLANKET WHAT DID YOU EXPECT????" "EWWWW I SMELL LIKE YOU!!!"

wait, you smell like her.

she smells nice

She smells terrible.

"EWWW I SMELL LIKE YOU TOO!!!" Wanda said and you saw how her face shifted a bit when she smelled her shirt.

wait did she smile?

"whatever, we need to get up and start working now." She said and got up quickly to change her clothes, but you could've sworn she sniffed the shirt one more time and smiled.

You were so CONFUSED.

===============================================

Should I make a part 2??? Let me know!!

My requests are open!!!

<3333

#wanda maximov #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda x y/n #mommy wanda #wanda maximoff #wanda maximommy

[depressed-deranged-clown]

So,

This is literally for no one but me but I don’t really mind much.

This is a hell of a post for my first actual one that isn’t a reblog, but here you go.

My interests switch every other month at least but I’m really invested in Spy X Family rn and for the past six months. And while scrolling through tumblr today I found the Spy X Family swap AU. So I wanted to put my own thoughts down for anybody to look at and comment as they please. Enjoy :)

The beginning of the mission

Code name: Agent Starlight

Specialty: Disguises, infiltrations, cons

Despite how clumsy she is, she is the best spy from Westalis

Her clumsiness actually helps her in her missions sometimes by leading people into a false sense of security

Sometimes it leads to a setback

But she always gets the job done

That leads her to her current mission: infiltrate the prestigious Eden Academy to get close to Donovan Desmond, a man so suspicious of others he is almost a complete recluse

This leads to her needing a child to have a way in

Her disguise for this mission: Anya Forger, loving mother and wife and hardworking psychiatrist

She goes to a really sketchy orphanage to get a kid for the mission

When she said she wanted a smart child, the director lead her to a boy playing by himself with a small penguin plushie

This young boy’s name is Loid

He’s a telepath

He reads Anya’s mind and is able to find out she’s a spy fairly quickly

But though that interests him, he just wants a family

He (like canon Anya) is obsessed with the show Spy Wars once he sees it but not because spies are cool, but because his mama is a spy and he wants to understand her job and her thoughts better

Loid (like canon) is still really smart and perceptive, but he’s also a child so Anya isn’t able to make sense of everything he does and everything he does isn’t calculated but more of a spur of the moment thing

Of course there has to be that one moment where Loid reads Anya’s mind where she thinks, Basic diplomacy states that understand the other party is the first step to peace.

And Loid hears this (thinking, understanding me means world peace?) so he stands as tall as he can and says “I really like to eat strawberries. But broccoli is gross. Oooo! Bacon from bacon-ries!!”

“I’m sure you means bakeries, and sadly they don’t sell bacon” Anya replies, leading Loid to continue on their shopping trip

Getting into Eden

Anya goes to her best friend and coworker Becky Blackwell to get a copy of the test to get into Eden

Becky specializes with electronics and gadgets but she is able to get information when needed

Anya makes Loud memorize the answers to the best of his ability (which is better than she expected and it makes her pretty proud)

On the actual test, though Loid memorized it all, all the other kids and their panicked thoughts overwhelm him

He does pass (are we surprised) but barely due to the fact that he couldn’t differentiate his own thoughts from others at times

Then Anya received the letter detailing the second part of the admission

There has to be an interview with both parents. No exception.

And as Loid states “but there is no papa”

The next day, Anya calls Becky over and dresses her up to look like a man

Doesn’t work (Loid: I don’t want this papa)

Becky gives her stacks of papers of any single man in the area who Anya could possibly marry, but at least half of them had some crime to their name and she needs a husband with a flawless record

She and Loid later go to the tailor shop nearby simply because they needed some air and because they both needed some outfits for the interview (if they could even find a man willing to marry her to go to the interview with)

Then enters Damian Desmond

He had to go to the tailor shop because the night before he ripped the pants to his only nice outfit while on his main job

Name: Damian Desmond

Job: civil servant

Actual job: Assassin

Code name: Nightshade (named that due to his tendency to use daggers covered with poison)

He became an assassin do to wanting to make the world a better place where children wouldn’t have to be neglected or taken advantage of like he had in the past

His older brother called him the day previous cause he heard Damian promised some people at work that he was going to go to a party of one of his coworkers with his girlfriend

He doesn’t actually have one and hasn’t dated anyone his whole life so his brother truly was happy to hear he was bringing a date

Upon seeing Anya he was ready to ask if she wanted to pretend to be his girlfriend when Loud ran up to her

He thought in his head, of course she would be married. How despicable am I, ready to ask a married woman to date me just because she’s beautiful?

Loid, hearing Damian’s thoughts, decides to put on the show of a life time

He tugs slightly on Damian’s pant leg asking “are you going to be my papa?”

Anya goes wide eyed and lifts up Loid saying, “it’s rude to ask people to be your father”

He sniffles in response, fake tears welling in his eyes as he speaks “but there is no papa”

Damian perks up “you aren’t here with your husband”

Anya puts Loid down again. “No, my husband died a while ago so it’s just me and my son now”

Damian and Anya have a talk and decide to help each other

Anya then last minute has to go on a little side mission and arrives late to the party with the classic “I’m Damian’s wife” “I asked for a girlfriend, not a wife”

And it leads to them deciding to just stick to that cover story and living together

Damian of course is like canon and goes total tsundere whenever Anya shows affection because of her mission and when she wants to

I have so many ideas with the tests and the interview but I’ll leave that out for now cause this is already very long and I’m not done

Just know that they did pass

Honestly just give me an episode (I haven’t read most of the chapters of the manga so please no spoilers past what is also shown in the anime) and I’ll change it to this AU with pleasure

#sxf au #spy x family swap au #spy x family #I literally had to ask a friend how tumblr worked #eden academy au #kinda

[ridiasfangirlings]

Lol we're doing interviews at work now to hire for new peeps. I kinda want to see if Munakata were hiring each of the Alphabet Squad members how those interviews would go. XD Especially Fushimi since he had that cute one with Yata about the 10 questions.

We know Munakata handpicked all the alphabet squad members at least but imagine he still insists on giving them interviews, like naturally a proper job requirement is to interview your men. Of course he doesn’t actually tell anyone this until they’re already at the building intending to start their first day of work, like imagine Akiyama and a Benzai walk in and Munakata immediately whisks them away for a joint interview. They both exchange a look but decide to go for it, like if this is what he wants okay. Munakata asks them all the proper questions like how do you work under pressure and what is your greatest accomplishment but he also adds such questions as ‘do you enjoy puzzles’ and ‘name your favorite ninja.’ Benzai knows the name of a famous cartoon ninja because his little sister used to watch the show and Munakata is so pleased, Akiyama and Benzai are like guess we aced the interview. Kamo probably spends all his interview slightly bemused because you literally came to my restaurant and recruited me Captain, even so he dutifully names his favorite subject in school and the stuffed animal he feels he is most like.

Doumyouji probably practically has a heart attack when he’s sent in for an interview, no one told him there would be a test okay. He does fine but almost gets in trouble when Munakata asks how he feels about group puzzles on weekends and Doumyouji blithely responds with ‘I dunno, that sounds super weird!’. Enomoto is also really nervous, he just wanted to be a normal civil servant and now he has to explain to his new boss what an anime convention is because he made the mistake of answering honestly to what special events he likes to attend. Fuse is highly confused but powers through because he assumes this must be some test, our boss couldn’t really be this weird right. Gotou has a lovely chat about cursed artifacts with Captain over tea. Hidaka stumbles and stutters his way through, his answers aren’t the best but Captain ‘appreciates his enthusiasm’ so that’s good right, that’s a good thing.

And then Fushimi shows up for his interview and gets an immediate ‘when is your birthday,’ Fushimi clicks his tongue all you already know that Captain and anyway weren’t you the one who pulled me away from Homra in the first place, why do I need to have an interview. Munakata’s all ‘indulge me, Fushimi-kun’ and Fushimi rolls his eyes, he’s not here to indulge anyone and he’s making that known right now. Imagine Munakata keeps trying to ask him all kinds of personal questions like what does he enjoy, what’s his favorite candy, where does he go on his days off, what are his hobbies and Fushimi is just stubbornly replying to each one with ‘pass.’ Munakata gets a little stern as he’s like this is a job interview, Fushimi-kun and Fushimi says isn’t asking personal things in a job interview inappropriate, any way you look at it this is power harassment isn’t it. Munakata clears his throat and tells Fushimi he can leave and Munakata will get back to him, Fushimi’s like I already work here please leave me alone to do my job. 

#k project #Talking K #Scepter 4 #just imagine Munakata very excited to hold his first interviews #even though he already hired everyone #really he sees this more like a bonding session #the first bonding session ever :D #first of many :D

[squalodinoappreciationsquad]

Honestly since Dino started off weak I think Reborn would try to embrace the idea of Dino cuts the image of a Cavallone boss. The Cavallone manor is actually a sign of legitimacy it Dino has the manor it’s hard to deny that he’s the boss of the Cavallone. 

Now unlike Tsuna vs Xanxus what Dino would go through would probably be very unorganized since the ring battle was a very organized thing. In Dino’s case assassins could be coming after him all that time and this civil war could cause a lot of casualties.

Also please go for it and write a Dino fanfic Amano didn’t give us much, but she gave us enough to think up good fanfic ideas.

Tbh i think that first of all Reborn had to convince Dino to take the mantle of boss and it must not have been easy because at the beginning Dino wanted literally nothing to do with mafia.

So, once convinced Dino, then there is the whole ordeal of actually acquiring guardians and fight for the inheritance.

On a side note, Italian laws on inheritance can be very vague sometimes, so to ensure that Dino would inherit he would have had to have everything laid out in detail. And even that would not stop the vultures trying to get the inheritance.

Trust me, it's a metaphorical bloodshed, having passed through an inheritance it is A LOT to deal with.

So in this scenario I am figuring that Cavallone senior is dead, or at least incapable of conducting things as usual. In Canon we see him bedridden, so.

So, Dino has everything laid out and ready, but relatives claiming all sorts of things and assassin's and whatnot are coming and Dino has not even seen the inheritance yet.

Spoiler: it will be all debts, after all debts are all assets.

By and large the mafia leaves out whoever does not belong in the circle, so there is a sort of war and Dino maybe is like "not on my watch", maybe at this point in time Xanxus is already in the freezer and Squalo has some time to kill and some anger to dispel so he might chip in. The Varia are an independent assassination squad after all, yes, they work for the vongola, but they might take external jobs too.

In any case Dino comes out victorious, only to discover that now he has to pay ALL OF THE DEBTS. It is a tragedy.

Oh. I am adding this to the grocery list of fics to write. 🙂🙃

#dino cavallone #khr #dino #khr asks

[manorpunk]

why is Iowa?

Jacob: so the thing about North America is that it’s got all this unique and beautiful geography that keeps getting in the way of things. Iowa is hilly, it’s wet, and it’s got two massive river borders. those are huge constraints for any potential invasion.

Sunny: can we please answer one question without anyone trying to start a goddamn war?

Jacob: I'm not! I mean, not right now. But I'm just saying, every law on the books ultimately comes down to "do this or we send people with guns to make you do it," and it would be very hard to make Iowa do anything, so that goofy fucking Gary Stu-ass loser gets to do whatever he wants.

Maria: you're just upset that Jared's actually doing his job.

Jacob: he is, and I am! you can't start off with "I'm a literal ancient Jaredite who has returned to fulfill Mormon prophecy" and then turn around and go "oh actually my real passion is farm administration."

Maria: I mean, the warrior-prophet to farm administrator pipeline is as old as time.

Jacob: yeah, yeah, yeah. it's still an embarrassment, living next to the Iowan fucking Khaganate. don't call yourself a Khaganate! that's stupid! be normal, like me!

Maria: I really don't get why you hate Jared so much. you have so much in common, you're both old-fashioned horse-loving war nerds.

Jacob: okay, listen, the difference is that the Great Lakes Republic's got some actual civilization. we got Milwaukee, we got Buffalo, we got...

Maria: Buffalo?

Sunny: [laughter]

Jacob: I mean compared to Iowa!

Sunny: oh you've seen Los Angeles, but have you ever been to Buffalo?

Maria: [laughter]

Jacob: compared to Iowa, though! it's just farms!

Maria: seriously though, what's your deal with Jared?

Sunny: I'll tell you.

Jacob: Sunny.

Sunny: unresolved sexual tension.

Maria: Oh my god.

Sunny: he wants to smooch Jared right on the lips.

Jacob: stop this at once. you are slandering an elected official.

Maria: and he can't even deny it because he's such a whore!

Sunny: I follow the Jacob/Jared tag on AO3, it is massive.

Maria and Sunny: [laughter]

Jacob: [silently buries head in hands]

Sunny: [still laughing] oh man, we should not be in charge of America's future.

#manorpunk #unreality #sunny roosevelt #jacob martin rider #maria von zuckerberg lorraine #q and a #thanks for the ask!

[bills-bible-basics]

Gay and Lesbian Agenda Graphic 39 Graphic created by #BillKochman for #BillsBibleBasics. Visit the BBB Graphics Library at https://www.billkochman.com/Graphics-Library/ to see all my graphics with related Bible studies. Whether some of you realize it or not, our nation has been slip sliding away for literally decades. However, the slide has been so slow, so gradual, and so subtle, that it wasn't until about halfway through the decade of the 2010s that a lot of people really began to wake up to what has been going on. However, sadly, by that time, it was already too late. Serious damage had already been done, and the victory had already been won. What has been going on since then basically amounts to mopping up exercises and tying up the loose ends. And boy are they doing a good job of it! So exactly what am I talking about? Well, do you remember a few decades ago -- back in the 1970s, actually -- when the LGBT crowd began claiming that they just wanted to be left alone to live their lives as they please? Fast-forward forty years. Then came gender reassignment surgery. Then came renegade, liberal circuit court judges who repeatedly overturned the will of the people. Then came renegade, liberal state legislatures who likewise overturned the will of the people. Then came civil unions. Then on June 26, 2015 came nationwide legalization of same-sex "marriage" by mandate of the Supreme Court of the United States, despite the majority of the American people being opposed to it. Then came openly gay or lesbian bishops, pastors, priests, politicians, actors, sports figures, and everyone in between. Then came same-sex union blessings in some of the churches. Then came adoption of normal, healthy children by same-sex couples. Then came law suits against Christians and Conservatives who follow their hearts and their faith, and who oppose the LGBT life style. Then came library books which openly promote the LGBT life style. Then came gender-neutral bathrooms. Then came drag queens in our public schools during children's story hour. Then came teaching LGBT history in the classroom. Then came liberal parents who encourage their children to act and dress like the opposite sex. Then came hormone injections, puberty-blocking drugs in young children and double mastectomies on adolescent girls in order to alter their natural-born physiology so that they could appear outwardly the way that they were being made to feel inwardly by misguided adults and parents. Then came a gender-neutral option on birth certificates. Now they promote their ungodly life style in every area of the entertainment and mass media industries where they possibly can, and constantly shove it in our faces. It is inescapable; unless one goes and lives in a cave. Yes, but of course, as they said, they just wanted to be left alone. Right? If you believe that nonsense, then you are seriously deceived! What about us? What about our right to live in a Bible-based, God-fearing society which honors and obeys God's natural order of things? How much longer will God endure this madness and rebellion against His holy Laws? When will His patience finally run out? When will His judgments begin to fall on the wicked who mock Him everyday, and who cast His Word to the ground? As the Apostle John wrote some two thousand years ago: "And‭ we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness." 1 John 5:19, KJV If John were alive today, oh how he would shudder! If you would like to further explore this issue, please consider reading all of the study resources which are listed below. God bless you, and thanks so much! Article: "The Gay and Lesbian Agenda: To the Point!": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/homosex1.html Article: "Future of Same-Sex Marriage": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/future-of-same-sex-marriage-01.html Article: "When Sin is No Longer a Sin!": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/whensin1.html Article: "Queen James Bible: Blasphemous Abomination Exposed!":

https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/queen-james-bible-1.html Article: "Biblical Marriage Ceremonies": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/marriage1.html "Homosexuality Lesbianism Bestiality Transvestitism" KJV Bible Verse List: https://www.billkochman.com/VerseLists/verse138.html Magazine Article: "The Overhauling of Straight America": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles-Non-BBB/overhaul.html Article: "The Gay Gene?": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles-Non-BBB/gaygene1.html By the way, when we come to Jesus Christ and are reborn in the Spirit, the Scriptures make it very clear that we should undergo a spiritual and mental change in our lives, and that we should in fact become NEW CREATURES in Jesus Christ. We should NOT remain the same, living our same old life style, and living in our same old sins. That means that people who belong to the LGBTQ crowd should NOT continue practicing their sexual deviancy. Here is Scriptural proof: "God's Desire for Healing and Repentance" KJV Bible Verse List: https://www.billkochman.com/VerseLists/verse302.html "Old Man Versus New Man" KJV Bible Verse List: https://www.billkochman.com/VerseLists/verse165.html "Washed and Renewed Mind" KJV Bible Verse List: https://www.billkochman.com/VerseLists/verse071.html Article: "Don't Ever Underestimate Our Spiritual Enemy": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/DontUnderestimateOurEnemy1.html https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/gay-and-lesbian-agenda-graphic-39/?feed_id=101151&_unique_id=65472fc1e118e&Gay%20and%20Lesbian%20Agenda%20Graphic%2039

#All_Posts #LGBTQ_Agenda #agenda #bible #bible_study #bill_kochman #bills_bible_basics #christian #gay #homosexual #homosexuality #king_james_version #kjv #lesbian #lgbt #lgbtq #queer #scriptures #transvestite #verse_lists #verses

[grandhotelabyss]

—Ryan Ruby, “The Pundit”

Everybody’s in ecstasies over this hatchet job on Twitter, so I thought I might offer a corrective objection or two. Please bear in mind that I do not admire the novels of Ian McEwan—I’ve read four and a half—even slightly. I hate to mention this document again, but my doctoral dissertation literally opens with a left-wing critique of McEwan, in this case his post-9/11 day-in-the-life novel Saturday. I’d phrase my criticism differently if wrote it today, but the main point—that McEwan cynically stacks the narrative deck in favor of Bush’s and Blair’s war and of technocratic imperialism at large—still stands. Yet Ruby’s censure of McEwan has more in common with technocratic imperialism than we might think at first.

His catalogue of McEwan’s prose missteps, for instance, overvalues expert correctness at the expense of the intangibles on which novels have always thrived even when composed by the linguistically inartful. No doubt this kind of exercise can be fun—I’ve probably done it myself—lifting this solecism and that infelicity out of a 500-page novel. But it mistakes what novels are for and how they work. In lyric poems, language reacts upon itself. None but the lords of language—Hopkins, Dickinson, Stevens—need apply. In novels, though, language supersedes itself; novels must go beyond language if they are to live at all. Even in the case of someone like Joyce: all those verbal miracles would have been for nothing if they hadn’t built up the Blooms. And the verbal miracles prove in the end less necessary to novelistic creation at its best than a solid, burning, spinning core of ideation. 

Such fussiness as picking one maybe-catachresis out of a long book is what led Nabokov, that master of the second rank, to think he was a better novelist than Dostoevsky just because he wrote finer prose. He carved very beautiful little figurines in jade and lapis lazuli, but Dostoevsky built cathedrals into the sky out of splintering rough-chopped logs. 

At the end of the essay, also quoted above, Ruby weds his aesthetics to his politics when he argues that novelists should merit the “privilege” (sic) of their freedom by writing works rigorous and experimental enough to have hypothetically earned the author’s martyrdom at the hands of some Soviet-style state or perhaps a freelance assassin suborned by the rulers of Iran. I wonder what other civil liberties we should come to deserve through expert-vetted good behavior? Whereas, John Stuart Mill contended, free speech necessarily includes the right to be wrong, since no one can possibly know all that’s right in advance of experience. 

But in Ruby’s drama of freedom earned through aesthetic worth, of freedom as contingent privilege rather than absolute right, who could possibly know if the artist had succeeded but the critic? The critic’s freedom—indeed, the critic’s privilege—is assumed, is never put into question. With a sleight of hand, the critic’s authority is even placed on the same level as the state’s right to apportion justice, a right to which, Ruby distinctly implies, civil liberties will necessarily be subordinate. 

If I told you to read The Rebel for an extended commentary on this line of thinking, Ruby would accuse me of irrelevantly dredging up antediluvian anti-communist rhetoric, so take it instead, please, from a source less easily dismissed with such shibboleths:

We went on to discuss Russian literary policy. I said, referring to Lukács, Gábot and Kurella: “You can’t put on an act with people like this.” Brecht: “You might put on an Act but certainly not a whole play. They are, to put it bluntly, enemies of production. Production makes them uncomfortable. You never know where you are with production; production is the unforseeable. You never know what’s going to come out. And they themselves don’t want to produce. They want to play the apparatchik and exercise control over other people. Every one of their criticisms contains a threat.”

—Walter Benjamin, “Conversations with Brecht” (1934)

#ian mcewan #ryan ruby #literary criticism

[yokiidokii]

Request:  Hello! can i request headcanons from andre(inside job) jealous x s/o?

OH MY! OKOK I don’t know why I went so hard but YESYES so very happy to be able to write some of the good Andre shit, fucking love that for me and you-

ALSO IM- THANK YOU @sin-sidejob FOR HELPING WITH EDITING AND JUST READING IT AND HELPING BECAUSE WOWZA THERE IS A LOT LMAO. 

Warnings: So much smut I really went off on this one lmao, I tried keeping it as gender neutral as possible in terms of pronouns but their is mentions of afab body parts, The rest is pretty tame by Inside Job standards tbh-

ENJOY THE ANDRE CONTENT! I hope it suits what you wanted!!!

Can I just say, Andre? I like to believe that he is already incredibly clingy. This man loves being around you, holding hands? Hand on your waist? Arm around your shoulder? I can see him casually having his own hand in your back pocket. Totally takes advantage of having his hand on your ass. 

Needless to say, he likes being around you, and based on his lack of romantic leaning relationships (as far as we know!) I can see him getting jealous from time to time for sure. More so out of insecurity and a little lack of self-worth on the dating scene. Like okay-

Him? PERFECT MANS at least in my eyes but I feel like the fact that I can imagine that a lot of the compliments he’s gotten previously have been in a more spicy and sexual setting, makes him very confident on that front but, he isn’t too sure on the romantic parts. Even if you reassure him. (Please do he is such a good man- treat him right ISTG)

So even if it's someone he doesn't know, like if he took you to some bar in town and someone just walked up and somehow didn’t get the hint that you and him were together and that you were NOT INTERESTED EVEN THE SLIGHTEST?

My man would for sure be questioning himself. Like he isn’t going to let the person make you uncomfortable he FOR SURE gets them to back off in one way or another the moment he can sense that this is not what you want. But does that mean that he is going to be professional and civil about it? (LMAO DO YOU KNOW HIM?)

He is absolutely leaning his head on your shoulder to size up the other person, and even if he feels inadequate and something in his brain is saying like “Woe is me they could probably treat them better!” HE IS STANDING HIS GROUND. He might not fully understand why the fuck you chose someone like him when you could - in his eyes at least! - have literally anyone on the fucking planet as your partner. But he is NOT TAKING IT FOR GRANTED! NO SIR!

So that head? Right in the crook of your neck, placing some VERY OBVIOUS kisses and ABSOLUTELY a few good nips to the side of your neck where everyone can see and letting out a “Hey? Who’s this?” AS IF THE MAN WASN’T THERE WHEN SAID PERSON WALKED UP.

He ISN’T GOING TO GET ALL ANGRY! At least NOT WITH YOU!! And he isn’t going to cause a scene unless said person tries to pull something with you in which case literally would have the ‘cover up’ crew on SPEED DIAL. This one person means literally nothing to him while you mean the world? If they think they are getting away with touching you and making you, his lovely partner! Feel uncomfortable and STILL PERSISTING without him using his resources at Cognito to send said person to an infinite land of either torture or death? HA! not a fucking chance.

OK BUT JEALOUSY SEX? USING IT TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT THINGS ANDRE THINKS MIGHT MAKE HIM WEAK?

It may happen once or twice but you certainly know what the hell is up, he isn’t acting like the same loving confident Andre you know.

PRAISE THE MAN, LOWER HIS GUARD AND THEN ASK HIM. I am just imagining him being at his weakest. COCKWARMING ALERT. You are sitting there and petting his face, cooing gently at him as he is literally drooling. AND THEN YOU GRAB THE MANS CHIN IN YOUR HANDS AND FORCE HIM TO LOOK AT YOU. YOU ASK HIM WHY HE HAS BEEN ACTING DIFFERENTLY, AND IF HE IS OKAY. 

You can see his just eyes wide, awkward laughing and trying to look away, but your grip is firm. You clearly aren’t letting this go. So he tells you, AND YOU ARE LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE IS TALKING NONSENSE.

Like you are absolutely listening. You are hearing every word! But you absolutely disagree with him.

Now is the time to fuck the man stupid. BUT LOVINGLY. Show him just how wrong he is, make him repeat the facts while you fuck him dumb until all he can do is parrot back your praise that you spoon-feed into his gaping, moaning mouth.

Whether or not Andre is usually the one to take the reigns? Doesn’t matter tonight. Make sure the man is comforted, you are making sure he knows that tonight you will be doing the work.

He is nodding with a gulp. He is just going to lay down like the pillow prince he is. He is used to just succumbing to pleasure, letting you have your way. But then you start praising him.

Telling him how much you love him.

You could continue holding his face and make him watch you ride him, but his eyes? Rolled into the back of his fucking skull. Something about the mix of pleasure, praise, and validation makes the man a pliable pile of mush beneath you. He is drooling and whimpering and keening for literally ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that you will give him. Even if you are already giving him the maximum, HE WILL ASK FOR MORE. MORE OF WHAT? HE DOESN’T KNOW! BUT WHATEVER IT IS HE WANTS IT. HE’LL BE GREEDY, GIVE HIM AN INCH, HE’LL TAKE/GIVE YOU FIVE.

He is making these little grabby hands when you stop moving, he’s whimpering and pleading because why did you stop! He was so close and you were both feeling good!

BUT THEN YOU JUST SIT THERE UNMOVING RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM. And staring at him with all the love in the world someone could have.

He knows he is absolutely disheveled, scraggly hair, messy from rolling his head in all directions just moments ago, stripped to nothing and covered in a later of sweat and any little markings you had decided needed to be adorned to his spindly little body that had been wiggling and twitching from what you had stopped doing just moments ago. 

And you both just stare at each other, you lean down and kiss him, slowly with all the adoration you can muster. And the moment you are done you let out a little “I love you.”

THE MANS IS ABSOLUTELY DONE FOR I TELL YOU. HE IS UNDONE IN A MILLISECOND AND FILLING YOU TO THE BRIM.

He whines when you slowly move him out of you and make a move to get off the bed but you move his hands to the side and walk to the bathroom.

FUCKING AFTERCARE TIME! If he thought you were done? FUCK THAT NOISE OF COURSE YOU AREN'T! Take care of him!

You are sitting there with a nice warm washcloth wiping him down so gently and he doesn’t even realize that anytime you swipe something over his cheek he is actively leaning into your hand but he absolutely is. Once you're absolutely sure that he is clean and cared for? Water given? Washed off? Reduced to a puddle in the sheets of your bed? Okay, you can clean yourself up now!

If you didn’t get off? He is going to ask and you are actively telling him that it was okay because that wasn’t the point? You weren’t worried about yourself! Tonight was about making sure he was okay! Making sure he felt comfortable and loved! You could be taken care of another day and you make that very clear as you smile and shift under the sheets to join him.

He is the little spoon that night no matter if it’s usually the other way around.

(Honestly, I can see him being the little spoon always any way- he is wrapped around you like a koala!) You are in your room, the fan running and providing some light white noise, all clean and happily laying under the sheets. Your legs tangled together and your head lying on top of his kissing from the crown to the tip of his nose and his cheeks and telling him quietly that you love him.

He’s happy, head against your chest and breathing contentedly. He doesn’t think he can argue against what just happened, and even if part of his brain does he knows you will be there to tell him otherwise and prove again and again that you love him very much until he is ready to believe it for himself that you wouldn’t have anyone else.

#I AM EATING THIS SHIT UP #I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REQUEST #LIKE OHMYGOD #IM JUST SITTING HERE WRITING LIKE THREE PAGES OF THIS #I MAY BE SICK #BUT THAT WILL NOT STOP ME #ANDRE IS WORTH IT SJJSJ #AND THANK YOU AGAIN TO LANEY MWUAH #UR TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD I CANNOT #I love describing my writing as hitting a wall and then #I just have a Jimmy Neutron style brain blast #and WRITE WAY MORE THAN I THOUGHT I HAD IN ME #Like fr this was a day of writing sjsjjssj #I barely had an idea and then BOOM SM #I hope it is enjoyable #I sure enjoyed writing it lmao #fuckin love my tacky man #love making him feel loved #mWUAH #NSFT #Andre Lee #Dr. Andre Lee #Andre Lee x reader

[youllallriseintheink]

Heart of Stone, chapter 1

Hey, everyone. I thought I’d write a little two-chapter story for the Pokémon universe. The first chapter will be long and fluffy. The second will be shorter and serious.

Please enjoy this story about Cyrus forming an actual connection with a carbon-based lifeform and then literally going to Hell and back with it.

---

It’s just a meeting. Calm down. He’s not going to be mad. He’s never mad. I’m not sure he even can get mad.

But I really need this job. My licence for professional Pokémon husbandry is on probation for breach of conduct, so it’s shady stuff like this or supporting my sick wife with minimum wage.

Trust me, when I went into Pokemon husbandry, I didn’t think I’d end up working for a crime syndicate like Team Galactic. They barely use Pokémon- Master Cyrus prefers the use of negotiation and weaponry over power based on something so intangible as friendship. Rumour has it, though, that some kids broke into the Galactic HQ recently, kicked everyone’s tails in with their Pokémon, including Master Cyrus himself, and made off with vital equipment. That ought to wake him up to how important Pokémon are. Just, hopefully not enough to me with someone more legitimate.

As I waited in Cyrus’ office, I checked my uniform in one of its many chrome surfaces in hopes it would lend me a bit of professionalism. It’s cultish how he makes us all wear these silicone space suits and matching bob cuts. What’s worse is that while I’m here out of desperation, most of his grunts are true converts. Cyrus is a God to them, not just an eccentric with a sci-fi fixation and a budget.

The door opens and Cyrus takes his place at his desk. He’s stone-faced, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s the only face I’ve ever seen on him.

“I assume you heard about the recent break-in,” he begins.

“Yes, sir.”

“It is ridiculous that things should come to man-to-man violence in a legitimate organization in a civilized society. But one must adapt to the world. I need stronger Pokémon for myself and my workers. As our Pokémon manager, how do you plan to achieve that?”

He’s giving me a chance to prove myself. I have to take it. “Well, sir, I can get the Pokemon for your workers toughened up in a week with the rare candy and TMs we intercepted. That’s easy. As for your team, I can evolve your murkrow and sneasel with nothing but held items and levelling. I have a houndoom trained and ready for you. And a quick way to get you another powerful Pokemon- one that can handle rock-tyes, no less, which your team has a weakness for- would be to fish up a magikarp and evolve it.”

I look for the slightest sign of pleasure or displeasure in him. I find nothing. “That sounds like a plan. I’ll double your budget to allow for it. Could we evolve my golbat as well? I want to have every advantage.”

“Well, if you need every advantage, sir, your golbat doesn’t have the best nature... we should have left it on the trade station, honestly. But I could easily have one of our grunts steal a crobat for you.”

“No. My plan comes to fruition in three months, and I’m already taking a chance on that houndoom and gyrados obeying me. How does golbat evolve?”

I hesitated. He’s not going to like this.

Cyrus sighed and pulled up a screen on his Pokétch. “It needs a bond with its trainer, and can be evolved in five to ten weeks. I expected a trained professional like you to know that.” His gaze froze me in place. “Take me to my golbat. I’ll be doing its husbandry until it evolves.”

I do as he asks. I don’t mention that the description should have said “five to ten weeks if you’re not an emotionally void mound of permafrost,” but hey, I didn’t write it, and hopefully he won’t blame me when he realizes he couldn’t get a Pokémon to be loyal to him if he tried. They’re not gullible like people are.

---

After a longer-than-expected meeting with the Pokémon manager, who explained the golbat’s care needs and gave him the needed supplies, Cyrus returned home. He set up the perch the golbat would hang from to sleep at night, put the defrosting bags of blood it would eat in the freezer, and mentally prepared himself to welcome it home. He didn’t expect that it would welcome going from the hands of a professional to someone who hadn’t cared for a Pokémon since childhood. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Cyrus took a deep breath and let the golbat out of its ball. It came out, saw him, and started scanning the room for threats. I’ve only handled it in battle. It sees me, so it thinks we’re going to be battling.

“We’re not fighting anyone today. You’re going to be staying with me a while. We’re going to be friends.” He tried to put some warmth into his voice.

Surprisingly, the golbat smiled when it heard that and tried to snuggle into his neck, purring- not the sound he expected from a three-foot mouth with wings. Cyrus put a hand on it.

“Huh, I wasn’t expecting it to be that easy. Well, your toys are over there, in that bag. Tomorrow, you’ll see how I run Team Galactic. You’ll be by my side as much as I can allow.”

The next day and several days afterwards, Cyrus was rarely seen without his golbat either flying at his side or perching on his arm. Cyrus could honestly get used to it. Sure, its squeaking was a bit annoying, but always having a Pokémon around, and an intimidating one at that, was a bit like making a loaded weapon a part of one’s uniform. There was nothing like it to say, “I should be feared.”

And he was making progress with it. One day, after a meeting had ended early and the next wasn’t supposed to be for a while, he decided to test something with his golbat. It was supposed to be a sign of trust if an animal-intelligence Pokémon let you touch it while eating. Cyrus dug a sealed bag of Pokémon blood out of his desk.

“Want a snack?” he asked, and no sooner did the golbat fly over from its perch, bite the bag and start draining it. Cyrus reached out to pet its back, and... nothing. It was perfectly comfortable being touched.

Yeah, you trust me, don’t you? You know that I’m not going to take your food away.

“Oh, am I intruding?” a lightly mocking voice came. It was Commander Mars poking her head in. Early, apparently.

Cyrus begrudgingly turned his attention towards her. “Yes. Knock before you enter.”

Mars came in and leaned on the doorway in what was supposed to be a seductive fashion. “Sorry. The guy from your last meeting said you'd finished up. So, I didn’t know you were programmed to feel affection. What, did you get a system update or something?”

“Smiling at your Pokémon releases oxytocin in their brains. It’s good for them. I expected you’d know that. Leave.”

Mars left with barely another word.

“Commander Mars is incredible organizer and very good at PR, an asset to the team. And one of the most annoying people I know,” Cyrus grumbled. No one else would have made him defend himself for something so basic.

The golbat flew over and landed on Cyrus’ desk. I have a listening ear, he realized. “Want to hear a little secret about her?”

Golbat squeaked in response. By its smile, Cyrus assumed that was a yes.

“I know that Mars believes in my cause, and she would never betray us. But it also helps that she has an infatuation with me. What I haven’t told her is that even if I were interested in romance, she’s not my type. Want to hear about my other two commanders? I have a little less to say about them, but...”

The Golbat gave him another squeak in response.

“You’ve already met Commander Jupiter. She’s designing the Galactic bomb meant to blow up Lake Valor. She follows us because of her love of weaponry and destruction. All she knows about our plan is that we’re going to destroy the universe. All Mars knows is that we’re going to create and rule a new one. And Saturn, our coms expert, knows the whole plan. He’s been here since before I decided that most of it should be esoteric. It’s a good thing I trust him entirely.”

It was nice having someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn’t and couldn’t spread around anything he said, and he felt like he could be a human for instead of a leader. Pokémon were delightfully non-judgmental.

---

“Golbat, crunch!” Cyrus commanded, and it bit down on the other golbat’s leg as hard as it could. The other golbat escaped its fangs easily.

Golbat had once been the strongest Pokémon on Cyrus’ team, but to hear his Pokémon manager say it, the others were now leaving it in the dust. Cyrus had wanted to know what the problem was, so he’d decided to see for himself.

“Crunch,” the manager instructed the other golbat. Cyrus’ Pokémon was swift enough to dodge out of the way, but when it came in for a second bite, the other golbat got him. It was obvious how much deeper its fangs were going in and how much more pain it was causing.

“Wriggle out, and then crunch again, harder.”

With some struggle, Golbat made it out. Its returning bite was still weak, and not for lack of effort.

”Golbat, return. I’ve seen enough.”

“It seems his attacking power is the problem,” Cyrus said as his golbat flew back and landed on his arm. “How do we fix that?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t. He has an attack-lowering nature. He’ll always be in the bottom twenty-percent for his species and level when it comes to executing this moveset. Want to trade golbats so you have the better one? ”

Cyrus saw his golbat droop at the thought of being traded away. “Is special attack affected by this?”

“Well, no...”

“So, in teaching him a physical moveset, you set him up to fail.”

Cyrus' voice was entirely cool, but the grunt was terrified nonetheless. “Well, sir... I teach all golbats the same moveset. It’s easier to keep track of that way, and it’s what they’re supposed to be good at... Pokémon are only tools, right...? This is a faulty tool.”

“No. This is a misused tool. How dare you call it names in its earshot and blame it for your failure. Get me an exhaustive list of the moves it can learn by TMs immediately.”

The grunt nodded, saluted, and scrambled away at a run.

Cyrus petted his golbat. “Don’t listen to him, golbat. Your potential is endless. The second he’s back, I’m going to show him the door.”

---

Cyrus’ plan had brought him to the caves of Lake Acuity in search of the Lake Guardian, Uxie. The cave, predictably, was full of aggressive wild Pokémon, but Cyrus was not afraid.

“Golbat. Ice beam,” Cyrus commanded, and Golbat lifted off of Cyrus’ arm, taking to the air and firing off at the wild geodudes and gravelers, creating a path for Cyrus like Moses parting the Red Sea. As he walked, Cyrus watched as his Golbat weaved between rock-based attacks, zubat, and clumsy, inexperienced golbat.

Grace. Speed. Agility. Such beauty wrapped up in an ungainly-looking body. The other golbat were as clumsy as they looked, but not his. And fitted with a special attack-based moveset, its poor nature was irrelevant.

“Look out,” he called, and his golbat swerved to avoid a graveler’s rollout before finishing it off with a shadow ball. With the path cleared, it landed back on Cyrus’ arm. “Excellent job, golbat.”

The golbat smiled and wrapped a wing around him. And then, it lifted off and began to glow. Its wings split. Its ears lengthened. It grew larger and far more aerodynamic. It had evolved.

“Crobat, return,” Cyrus demanded, holding up its ball. It hesitated- Cyrus hadn’t used its ball in several weeks. “Return,” he repeated, more firmly this time. With a sad squeak, the crobat returned

Cyrus turned to Commander Saturn. “You brought the repels, correct?”

“Yes, sir,” Saturn responded, pulling two canisters out of his bag. Cyrus took one sprayed down.

Cyrus was far from the easiest person to read, but Commander Saturn had known him for years. He could see that Cyrus was walking a little slower and carrying himself a little differently, and it was unironically the most sadness he’d seen him express since before he’d started Team Galactic. “You know, sir, allowing a Pokémon to fight its wild counterparts raises its level. There’s no need to use repels if you think your crobat could use more practice.”

“Its level is already sufficient. I’m returning crobat to my Pokémon handlers as soon as we return. There is no reason to treat it any differently from the rest of my team.” The two of them came to the entrance of the cave’s innermost chamber. “Uxie should be in there. Are you equipped to catch it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then do it. Quickly. I’m tired and I’d like to get back to the galactic base.”

Saturn ran ahead and let out his toxicroak, who made easy work of the small psychic-type with sleep power, a false-swipe, and a dusk ball. With his hands folded behind his back and his usual stony expression, Cyrus watched their teamwork in seething jealousy.

---

Everything was falling into place for Cyrus’ plan to strike on Mount Coronet tomorrow. That was undeniable. As Cyrus did one last check of the galactic base, he found that the red chain was still floating in its containment chamber, ready for use. He had enough workers on duty the next day to guard the entrances to the Spear Pillar and mind the coms. His team was in excellent condition now that he’d fired his old manager and promoted someone competent. This was the fifth time he’d checked everything through. Everyone else had gone home, and Cyrus knew he ought to as well.

But something felt wrong. Cyrus could imagine every detail of his plan: himself on Spear Pillar, wielding the deities of time and space through the red chain, guarded by Mars and Jupiter in case anyone tried to stop him. But somehow it seemed incomplete.

I know exactly why. I may as well not deny it.

Cyrus made his way over to the Pokémon nursery. Crobat was easy to find, sleeping upside down on a perch nearby several other bat Pokémon who were doing the same. He woke it up and brought it into the hallway. If it felt any resentment towards him for leaving him here a few weeks, it didn’t show it.

“Crobat,” Cyrus began, “You’ve grown attached to me. And ever since I left you here, you’ve been unhappy and you haven’t been performing to your potential. I am disappointed. I thought your spirit was more complete than that. But if being together helps you, then we should stay together. Come home with me tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll ascend Mount Coronet and you’ll be my eye in the sky as we fulfill our destiny.”

The bat squeaked happily and nodded in response, and everything finally felt right. Perhaps there would even be room for the little bat in his new universe.

The next day was right out of Cyrus’ greatest fantasies. He stood tall on Mount Coronet with his two female commanders protecting him and Saturn watching remotely from the coms station. Crobat patrolled the sky. Cyrus wielded the powerful red chain, which strained his frail human vessel until it bled and burned Dialga and Palkia as it bent them to his will. Everything was as planned.

And then Giratina came, and it very suddenly wasn’t.

---

When Cyrus woke up, the first thing he noticed was the utter silence. It was so beautiful and peaceful, not even a breeze disturbing it. Then he remembered he’d just been pulled through a portal by Giratina and got up, ready to plan his next move.

Giratina was floating before him, and behind the creature was a turbulent purple sky and floating, rocky islands. Water fell from their rivers, but made no sound. The leaves on the trees were perfectly static. Cyrus had to admit that it was quite beautiful, in an empty way.

“So this is your world, is it? Are you content now that you’ve interfered with my plans and ruined everything?”

But if that was its intention, why didn’t it just kill me? And that’s when Cyrus realized it.

“There’s nothing here. And there’s nothing to here. What I sought was a world that requires no spirit and would be a perfect world. Yes. This place of nothingness is what I sought.”

Cyrus pulled out the communication device Saturn had built for him to send one last message to his team: “Do not look for me.”

Cyrus could hear Saturn yelling his name. Scared for him. But Saturn didn’t matter anymore. None of them did. He turned to Giratina. “Thank you for lending me your powers. Is there a place in this dimension big enough for an earth-sized planet? It needs to support humanoid life.”

I am not here to aid you in your hubris, Giratina told him telepathically. I am here to punish it. I will not punish you with physical torture, as that would teach you nothing. No... I am going to leave you to wander this world in complete isolation until it breaks you apart. Perhaps then you will understand the value of the human spirit, and that you are not immune from the need for it. One last thing: your Pokémon are innocent.

All five of Cyrus’ poké balls broke open. A red haze engulfed the five fainted Pokémon and revived them to full health, and then a portal back to Mount Coronet opened up before them. One by one, they left him without a second glance. All but Crobat, who gave the portal not a second glance before swooping down to land at Cyrus’ side.

Giratina saw this, and sent Cyrus the telepathic equivalent of a shrug before flying off.

“He thinks he can torture me with loneliness. How ridiculous. Humans in their current form are worthless; this place is a paradise.”

Cyrus wanted to believe that, but his heart was pounding. How long would he spend here? What would he do when he got out? Would Saturn forgive him for leaving like this without an explanation? Cyrus looked to his communication device, but it was out of range now. Would his team still be waiting when he got back, or would Saturn disband it? And even if he didn’t, would he still have their faith now that his plan had failed?

“Oh my God. I’m going to have nothing.” And just as the distortion world was feeling a bit too still, Cyrus realized that some of those purple clouds were ghost-type Pokémon. Just because Giratina wouldn’t torture him didn’t mean that they wouldn’t.

Cyrus started walking towards one of the ledges. “Why did you stay here?” he asked his crobat. “I was nice to you for a couple months. Almost nothing. And you chose to stay here because of it. Hasn’t anyone ever been nice to you before? You are so incomplete...irrational...”

Cyrus wasn’t even sure if his crobat was following him. his focus was on the ledge he was fast approaching. A fall in this dimension could be almost infinite... but it looked like this one had another floating island a few dozen feet beneath it. Cyrus closed his eyes and stepped off the ledge.

Suddenly, Cyrus felt something slam hard against his chest, pushing him backwards. He snapped his eyes open to find crobat, distressed and trying to save him. The two fell onto the ground in a heap, crobat making anxious little squeaking noises as it gave him a four-winged squeeze and buried its head in his chest. Cyrus hugged it back to try and calm it down.

“No one has ever wanted you before, have they?” he realized. “You were left on the trade station to rot, and your manager thought you were worthless. That’s why you warmed up to me so quickly.”

Cyrus got up and looked back over to the ledge, then back to the Pokémon flying at his side. “We will survive here together. I promise.”

#pokemon #my fanfiction #galactic boss cyrus #cyrus #crobat #giratina #tw: suicide attempt

[grrrlsinner]

Mood board for manifesting this new job with the city and cute new apartment down the block!!!! 💫 I passed my civil service exam and got approved/put the deposit down on the apartment. Now all I have to do is wait for my interview and pray my psycho roomie cooperates and all the pieces fall into place so that I can get off this lease and out of this fucking house!!! Please god let this happen I am praying!!!!!

It’s the way my boss is gonna offer me like a $1 raise and beg me to stay because I’m great with clients, even though she literally said not once but TWICE this past week that people who pay rent less than such-and-such amount must live somewhere “ghetto” (which alone is fucked up)! She didn’t know I was looking for a place alone until today and of course knows I can’t afford much, so now I feel 1000% justified in leaving wtf (and I know she is scared because she knows I can make more and I WILL)! It’s the way my roomie uses her mental health and my mental health BOTH to justify treating me like shit and then mindfucked me into thinking it was okay! It’s the way she demands I respect her needs and boundaries and desires when she doesn’t respect mine at all!!! And then wonders why I don’t want to be close to her!

We’re not doing it anymore girls!!!!! We’re not settling for less than we deserve!!!! We are getting everything our heart desires!!! We simply don’t have time for the nonsense!!! We’re not letting people walk all over us!!! We’re not letting people make us deal with the creepy office landlord for $19/hr!!! We’re not letting people tell us how much fucking laundry detergent or dish soap to use!!!!!! We are working hard so we can get free and have fun and live a life full of joy and ease that we are capable of extending to others in our community!!!

Next year this time my ass is gonna be chillin like Kermit in my own apartment with my kitties and weed and stylish clothes and various trinkets, and I hope to be watching a cozy Christmas movie and baking a sweet treat and doing a magical little craft with some quality supportive friends or a cute little bf or gf that I love🤞🏻💕

#omg and the best part will be the health insurance if I get this job #i hate working for the man but at least my job will not be public facing and I have read the insurance is incredible #once I have weekly access to a quality therapist? #oh #it is OVER for these hoes!!!!