#AM I THE FUCKING ORIGIN OF THIS TRAUMA BOND GOD ??

[shellxrls]

guys help i'm genuinely fucking tweaking both my ex bsf's who hated each other apparently r now in love bcuz i did the same bad thing to both of them HELP

#'in love' = close friends not dating #no but #tweaking as fuck this might take me out #AM I THE FUCKING ORIGIN OF THIS TRAUMA BOND GOD ?? #if they meet irl (they live in diff countries) i'll kms and name check only the both of them in my letter trust

[lorcandidlucienwill]

ima out myself as an active reader-insert only kind of gal. i do not ship, i am not what one would call a shipper, i say, nahhh is for me instead. no matter how atrocious the character, I'll take em

that being said... i am in need of rhysand fics where he is book accurate, like idk a lot of the fics I've read, if he's evil they put dark!rhys... give me rhys acting like how he acts w CoN, with the Illyrians, fuck it, give me how he acts UTM (which i kinda just think is the real him)

i read Tabby's UTM fics and god i want more people getting on this. rhysand in the books, now that I'm older, reads like the reason he told feyre about his experience UTM was to deflect from her anger from not being told about the bond. and i feel like he did a little bit of lying in there "i took away her [clare beddor] pain" yeah alright buddy i bet you did just like how there magically is another daemati in her court that you only knew the existence of.

i feel like he uses his trauma to deflect from any holes in his stories. he did it in the high lord meeting to deflect from his murder of winter kids. he's so scummy, i need more of people writing him scummily

(is this me turning into a writer??? nah i have too much work maybe later)

I don’t have a problem with x reader per se, it’s just not my thing. It becomes a problem for me when I see people changing the entire essence of a character simply out of their desire to self-insert. Like, so many Azriel fics make him completely OOC; it’s nice to have your own interpretation, but when it’s completely different from what’s written in the book, then you’ve just written a different character. Just make an original character rather than twist another character so out of canon, you know?

I love love LOVE evil Rhys and his potential, but instead SJM turned him into a slimy git who gaslights his girlfriend and pretends to be the hero. It’s not x reader, but I did write a Tamlin x Rhysand fic where I wrote Rhysand as a scummy piece of shit as he actually is written in book 1 if you’re interested (link in my pinned post)!

#asks #evil rhysand #anti rhysand #not really more like anti hero rhysand #but just in case

[eridude]

solkat and johndavesprite for the bingo!

SOLKAT:

i like solkat!! i saw someone say on here once that shipwise, out of all the dudes, karkat canonically makes the most sense for sollux and as much of an erisol fanatic as i am i cannot deny the truth in that statement. they obviously care about each other so fucking much- just the constant needling of each other in the most obnoxious asshole way possible... AND the scene after cascade where sollux half-dies moving the meteor GOD that eviscerates me AND KARKATS REACTION WHEN SOLLUX SAYS HE'S NOT GONNA STAY AUGH URGH AHHHHH like he basically loses one of his best friends twice in like a 10 minute period that has to be fucking brutal dude :(((

and the parallels between sollux and karkats relationship and dave and karkats relationship... he has a very obvious type and that type is snarky coolkids.

im also a huge erisolkat and davesolkat guy!! they are so goofy together. (and johnsolkat. which is shipped by me and me alone.)

but yeah if you're a fan of solkat i have good news for you regarding my upcoming dailypost lol

JOHNDAVESPRITE/PEPSISPRITE:

these two. oh boy. so i was always a fan of this but i got really fully sucked in recently while working on badlydrawnjohn stuff ( @nintendont2502 you did this to me ... )

the fuckin NARRATIVE SHIT MAN OH MY GOD. THE PARALLELS... THE DOOMED TIMELINES... the saving of each other... the emotional connections... the both being stupid idiots about their feelings the dave obviously having a crush on john and In My Opinion(its canon because i said so) john feeling the exact same way about dave stuff that happens in regular pepsicola BUT YOU ADD ALL THE TRAUMA OF BOTH BEING KIND OF FORCED OUT OF THEIR ORIGINAL TIMELINES IN ORDER TO SAVE THE GREATER GOOD BUT HAVING TO WITNESS ALL THEIR LOVED ONES DIE. UHHH. WHAT. CRAZY. OK.

what if we bonded over our shared trauma and kissed. what then.

#homestuck #ship bingo #solkat #johndavesprite #pepsisprite

[sharonisthebettercarter]

Chile anyways, if homelander was so smart that the fans and himself claim him to be, why didn't he just took that opportunity of freedom and ditch it all behind when sent to his first mission?? Also, since the loser learned u.s. history, you'd think he'd learn a thing or two about the slaves who fled from their prisons in the antebellum south and the members of the black panthers party fleeing to Cuba from being prosecuted. Like...there are narcissists in real life who would take that chance at freedom immediately, they want a taste of that too. Also, to learn in a new environment is to learn from the locals.

*sigh of the long suffering*

i wanna be fucking mad at this, i do. i am a little and i won't lie about that because this is FUCKED anon.

but i know (sincerely fucking hope) it comes from a place of genuine ignorance and not truly understanding what it is many abuse victims go through--or, perhaps not realizing that you have been through abuse and have fallen on any one of many many many reasons to not leave, so you rationalize your situation as tolerable (because in your mind there are no other alternatives) or you might have a weird fucked up version of survivor's bias which is pretty typical in this society.

the short answer is this:

and this:

and these also fit the bill:

but to address the question more directly and seriously.

a victim's intelligence and victimhood have nothing to do with one another. someone does not "become" a victim because they are stupid or smart. anyone can be conned. ANYONE. this is a gross oversimplification and assumption that is extremely dismissive to victims of abuse.

because he didn't realize he was a victim? because he didn't know where else to go? because vought promised him things would get better and he could finally be their 'special god boi' and believed that if he could just pull it together that maybe, just maybe vought, his only 'parental' entity and the only thing he had known his entire life to 'take care of him' and 'promise him the world', would be happy and proud of him. *and then things wouldn't have to hurt anymore*

see any of the above attached resources for more information. PLEASE. there are a number of reasons a victim will not leave an abusive situation, and they all amount to: THEY DO NOT BELIEVE THEY HAVE A CHOICE. and. THIS DOES NOT INVALIDATE THE EXPERIENCE OF A VICTIM OR THE SYMPATHY WE SHOULD FEEL FOR THEM.

okay, this bit about u.s. history is just silly to me, cause... just wut??? do you... i mean, do you honestly believe they taught him a wholly accurate take on u.s. history and gave him perfect examples of the oppressed fighting back against abusers or escaping them????? like HONESTLY, *you* think they taught him *THAT*??????????????? a NAZI made company.... teaching *accurate* history?????????????????????????????????????vogelbaum said it himself. "he loved MANIFEST DESTINY". a SUPER FUCKED UP concept that proudly proclaims white america as a "chosen people" that must "conquer the american continents"... really? REALLY??????? just that bit in itself should tell you what and how they were teaching him. take a wild guess how they teach about slavery in the deep south of the states and i can guaranfuckingtee you IT AIN'T ACCURATE.

bear in mind. vought was a company founded with nazi cult origins.

i think that should say enough on it's own but i'll elaborate, homelander was raised in a fucking cult. if you genuinely think escaping one is a 'simple and easy' thing and people INDOCTRINATED IN A CULT can just up and 'RuN aWaY', YOU ARE WRONG. plain and simple.

***ESPECIALLY for the fucking kids raised as the """"MESSIAH""" FOR THE CULT, REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH ABUSE THEY FACE, THAT IS HOW BRAINWASHING WORKS.***

well good for those narcissists i guess?? i'm sure their situations weren't anywhere near half as bad as homelander's and i don't say that to dismiss anything they may have gone through, i say it just from a standing realistic point of view. homelander has LITERALLY been through worse that anything any human could ever go through and also more than a whole lot of comic characters out there have been through. vought was basically granny fucking goodness.

their situations are also... not relevant. AT ALL.

and i need to reiterate this:

being a victim and staying in an abusive situation is not a choice. victims do not choose to be victims.

victims. do not. choose. to be victims.

VICTMS. DO. NOT. CHOOSE. TO. BE. VICTIMS.

saying they do, and i want to be clear in no uncertain terms what so fucking ever:

IS VICTIM BLAMING.

see any of the above resources if you need to understand a bit better about human psyche and why victims do not simply 'rUn AwAy' from abusive situations.

and if it's not clear enough with that, it's because their brain, logic, belief, heart, whatever and every fucking fiber of their being tells them that they

*CAN'T*

the brain has fucked up ways of coping that don't always simply 'work out' in our favor, especially when it comes to extremely stressful environments like the one homelander was in. he was brought up to *believe* in vought. AND ONLY VOUGHT. was pretty much fucked before he was even born. forced to be trauma bonded to his motherfucking jailers.

and then never, nada, zip, zilch, NOT ONCE. has he EVER been presented with a viable alternative. or someone who genuinely cared for him.

this does not invalidate the fact that he is a victim of vought.

if anything? it only makes his whole situation worse because he still does not even realize that he is a victim.

here's to gotdamn HOPING s4 gives us at least some semblance of that understanding peaking through and brutal slaughter of the scientists or other responsible for that bullshit<3 (what i hope that scene of him covered in blood is~!)

the reason people have so much trouble seeing this and understanding it is:

we still live in a culture/society which is heavily veered towards victim blaming, especially imperfect victims. once a victim fights back or even if they choose not to, regardless of what happens actually, they are still somehow at fault for their situation, right? RIGHT? wrong... please see above resources for better understanding.

homelander is STILL stuck in the cult. he's trying lead it even (of course he fucking is, he was the raised 'messiah' and still has a childish mindset that believes in what he was taught), because that is what he was made for, and he is what VOUGHT made him... JUST as much as he a VICTIM of them.

homelander is an adult. at least physically. yes seriously, that is a factor. although i see this as something that makes his whole situation much much WORSE *because* of his stunted growth *because* of VOUGHT, his adult body and general presentation is enough for people to deny his victimhood if not outright blame him for it. (*HINT* STILL NOT HIS FAULT!), people keep calling him an immature 'manchild' which... sure, whatever sometimes i guess. but more *accurately*, we should be calling him a *CHILD* trapped in an *adult body*.

'manchild' implies the dude at least had an honest opportunity to grow the fuck up, and *chose* not to.

homelander had neither of these things. his growth was deliberately stunted so that he could be *controlled*.

and here's where i might differ from certain parts of fandom on homelander.

the show has actually done a relatively good of showing us that homelander is as much a victim to his circumstance as he is an asshole, and the trump/***cult messiah*** comparisons (while obviously satire and a bit on the nose) are actually... mm... not necessarily vital but actually pretty fucking important on providing an accurate representation of what he really is AND understanding how society reacts to it.

it is NOT the show that does a bad job presenting these characters intricately, whether showcasing victimhood, complexity, hypocrisy, critique, etc. they can do BOTH. and that is the point, that none of what's being presented is 'mutually exclusive' in one form or another because *society and people are fucking complex and nothing is black and white*. the point being, they at least make the effort and it is... profoundly ignorant to deny these details when they are presented.

they *present* homelander as a victim AND an asshole. *that* is why ANYONE in fandom is able to see that fact. no, that's not to say everything is hunky dory and perfectly written (because it's still written by ordinary *human* people, not abstract entities of perfection or imperfection)

it is to say that there is a factor fans seem to keep forgetting about this whole ass show built upon and centered entirely 1000% fucking percent on *CHALLENGING TRIBALISM AND HUMAN POLARIZATION WHICH DECENSITIZES US TO ALLEGED OPPOSING SIDES*.

it is the FANS that take what they are given, and *choose sides* from it. NOT THE SHOW.

this is very natural to society in some ways, the winners of wars get to write history, but it's also... not. or i should say, it's extremely fabricated and promoted because it's a means of 'divide and conquer' used against us.

this show gave us an entire segment with one chubby bastard who went down the right wing internet radicalization rabbit hole, and came out shooting an innocent man over his own *fear*.

you wanna know what the show did?

HUMANIZED that motherfucker AS WELL AS HIS VICTIM. very well i might add, i really felt for that bastard. he was a bastard for what he did, but i understand why people go the route of violence and hostility when they are *afraid*, especially of things they don't understand. (as much as i have faced it and as much as it pains me, I UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THERE.)

you wanna know what the fans did?

COMPLETELY IGNORED THIS VERY EXTREMELY OBVIOUSLY PRESENTED LESSON.

homelander and butcher, comic AND show, are (whether abstractly interpreted or modernized) representees of the dangers of political dichotomy brought to extreme ideologies, to the point of *dehumanizing* the *other* side.

this is clear. the show *presents* the hypocrisy from *both* sides, as well as both being *wrong*, as well as both being *human*. AS WELL AS vought (and other horrendous systems in place) being the TRUE villain. everyone else might as well be pawns on a fucking chess board.

and still, the FANS... are the ones who take what is presented and interpret... pretty much what they want to conform to their own selective bias so that the cognitive dissonance doesn't come bubbling to the surface.

i don't have that ability. i know why people do it because i'm sure and i have seen that it makes things hella easier. never been able to pull the wool over my own eyes myself tho. call it compulsion. it's a real problem because people fucking HATE when you can't just 'go along' with them no matter how you do it.

but the way that i know this?

the genocide apologism... it's almost too fucking perfect given the state of the world right now. genocide under no circumstance is a forgivable or excusable crime.

no circumstance. ever.

doesn't matter what side it is and if you have to justify it with sides, you have completely missed the fucking point.

the show *DOES NOT* present genocide as justifiable in ANY form.

and *still* we have FANS choosing sides, and justifying genocide. whether deliberately ignoring what the story is presenting before them or not fully grasping it.

homelander is a major part of that, even billy to some (if much lesser and also greater) degree. the framing is intentional. homelander is a piece of shit. billy is an EQUAL if not worse, opposing piece of shit.

but the story gives us a *framework* to understand that 'this one side is bad', then *learn* 'oh this other side that we've been following is bad too, actually', and finally 'OH, it's the SYSTEM that's the real problem', and even now this shit is pretty damn clear to me, and i don't think it's necessarily relevant to reading the comic (altho i do feel this helps people see it better)

homelander and billy are both fucking problems, but neither are *the* true problems, they're both victims and symptoms of a greater issue, and we could all do well to remember that

even if society is fucked enough that they want to forget, WE shouldn't and we should keep at fighting back against status quo brain rot bullshit while maintaining empathy for those that suffer because of it.

including the imperfect victims that might still be stuck in the cult.

#homelander #victim blaming #psa #child abuse #trauma bonding #false equivalence #indoctrination #cult #genocide apologists #dehumanization #media literacy #billy butcher #the boys #the boys tv #the boys amazon #fandom wank #meta #cognitive dissonance

[raccooncourt]

Twilight is a stockholm syndrome horror franchise (A Raccoon Court Case)

I wrote this essay as an argument for my podcast (which you can listen to here!). If you want to hear this argument along with my friends picking it apart in our court of law, listen to it on Spotify! Enjoy!

Opening Statement

Hello, my name is Mel, and today I will be defending myself against the charge that i have bad taste for “believing Twilight is a horror franchise about Stockholm Syndrome”.

Before I begin, lets get something straight. I would never, ever come on this podcast, in front of the court and God and Jesus and everyone, and say that Twilight is a bad movie because it’s not. Catherine Hardwicke put her everything into this movie, especially when the 2007-2008 writers strike forced her to improvise the line “hold on tight spider monkey.” This movie has some of the best lighting and editing choices EVER. The soundtrack RIPS! The actors are COMMITTING to the weird shit they were given. Like just watch Emmett walk around with that bag of hard boiled eggs. Look at Alice’s insane haircut during the baseball scene. Watch Anna Kendrick be the most passive aggressive and insecure girl in that school. How do they make Arizona look fucking blue somehow? It’s everything to me.

That being said, I believe that Twilight should not be considered a “romantic fantasy film” as Wikipedia describes it. This movie, and the franchise as a whole, follows a serious episode of Stockholm Syndrome where Bella Swan, after trauma bonding with Edward and his family, becomes convinced that her relationship with Edward is good and healthy and worth leaving everyone she knows and loves behind. While Twilight is my main source for this argument, I will be discussing the less entertaining, more biblically accurate movies in the franchise for some key evidence. Before we jump into them, I would like to note that my praise of Twilight does not unilaterally apply to the rest of these movies. I could feel myself lose years off my life watching Breaking Dawn part 1 with Jess back in June. That being said, Breaking Dawn part 2 revived me and I’m actually happy and healthy and young and vivacious now because of that Alice girlboss moment with the Volturi at the end.

With the current group of Twilight fans in the studio, I am sure we will get distracted and just talk about how good Twilight is, but I will do my best to keep us on track. In the case today, I will give us all an AP Psych background on Stockholm Syndrome. I will then detail all of the weird and creepy things that Edward does in Twilight to trick Bella accidentally into falling in love with him. Finally, I will provide examples from the other movies in the franchise to back up how this unstable and unhealthy relationship fits the telltale signs of a Stockholm Syndrome situation.

Defense case-in-chief

One note before we start. This is a fun podcast for fun. We are in no way trying to trivialize or minimize anyone’s mental health struggles or traumatic experiences. I am just interested in using this lens as a way to understand this dumb fucking franchise.

Now, before we talk about how Edward tricks a teen girl into falling in love with him, let’s quickly go over the basics of Stockholm Syndrome.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response to being held captive. People with Stockholm syndrome form a psychological connection with their captors and begin sympathizing with them. In addition to the original kidnapper-hostage situation, Stockholm syndrome now includes other types of trauma in which there’s a bond between the abuser and the person being abused.” (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22387-stockholm-syndrome)

This syndrome was named after an incident in 1973, where bank robbers in Stockholm, Sweden held hostages for six days in the bank. During that time, some of the hostages started to like the bank robbers, and upon release, they refused to testify against the criminals. Some of these victims even raised money for the robbers court costs.

Again, according to the Cleveland Clinic,

People who have Stockholm syndrome have:

Positive feelings toward the captors or abusers.

Sympathy for their captors’ beliefs and behaviors.

Negative feelings toward police or other authority figures.

Other symptoms are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and include:

Flashbacks.

Feeling distrustful, irritated, jittery or anxious.

Can’t relax or enjoy things that you previously enjoyed.

Trouble concentrating.

(https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22387-stockholm-syndrome)

I would like us all to remember these key symptoms and characteristics of the syndrome. First, a victim is put in a traumatic situation, or multiple traumatic situations over time, with the abuser. Then, as they spend more time with the abuser, they start to empathize and form good feelings towards the abuser. A key part here is that they also form negative feelings towards POLICE like say maybe a certain DILF from Forks, Washington??? Anyway, the other symptoms of flashbacks, feeling irritated and anxious, losing interest in your hobbies, trouble concentrating, and distrust all come into play here. In our next sections, I will be giving you concrete examples of times Bella displays ALL of these symptoms and how we can use that evidence to diagnose her as suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

Now that we have our psychological background information, let’s talk about Twilight!

When we first meet Bella, she is nervous about moving to Forks, and she is a generally shy person, but she is personable. Bella has consistent dinners with her dad and is nice to the townies. She laughs with her mom on the phone. She immediately makes friends with Jacob and finds a group of friends at school on the first day. She smiles a lot considering her character in future movies. She makes jokes when she first meets Mike and Jessica (”aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like really tan?” “yeah maybe thats why they kicked me out”). I like this weird Bella. She is doing a great job at making friends despite coming in the middle of the year and being shy!

Now, Edward - he is looking ROUGH when we are first introduced. He looks like he’s actually dying a painful death when the rest of the Cullens look like legit immortal and young. Jessica describes him as “totally gorgeous” but as we will see as the movies progress, he won’t reach his hottest until the last few movies. He is not a catch right now. Watching him react to smelling Bella is one of the worst things that I’ve ever seen. I know that it’s just because he is Horny for that Blood, but it is awful to watch. He kinda looks like when a little kid throws up and has to go tell their mom about it in the middle of the night towards the end of the scene.

Anyway, Edward and Bella have now met, which is the beginning of the end that will stretch out over the next 5 movies. But currently, there has been no trauma bonding. There is no psychological damage, except maybe to Bella for thinking she smelled so bad Edward was gonna yak. We are not in Stockholm Syndrome territory yet. Edward comes back to school, apologizes, and becomes Bella’s lab partner again. He’s cuter in this scene somehow, and while it isn’t the same glow up we will see after him and Bella trauma bond, there is something to be said about him tearing her confidence down and then building it back up as the movie makes him look more attractive…

Now, 21 minutes into the movie, Bella is about to get crushed by a car when Edward appears out of nowhere and saves her. He crushes the door of the car, stops it, and then runs away. Here is our first instance of Bella associating Edward as her protector. In the future, this white knight syndrome seems to justify any future danger that Edward puts Bella in. Also, this begins my favorite Edward trait in this movie - this man is a GASLIGHTER. Bella confronts Edward about how he got to her so fast and why his eyes are different colors and he says 1) he was right next to her and 2) “its the fluorescence.” Bella fights back, but he laughs her off. He talks about how she hit her head and is confused. When she keeps fighting, he says “well, no one is gonna believe you,” WHICH IS A CRAZY THING TO SAY!!!!

In the next scene, Bella is having some small flashbacks to the car accident, which could just be PTSD, but as I mentioned earlier, PTSD shares a lot of symptoms with Stockholm Syndrome. Bella is zoning out and not paying attention to Mike while he asks her to prom, but at this point, she is still nice fun Bella. She even puts in a good word for Jessica. However, at the greenhouse, Edward gets mad at Bella for tripping and tells her that she can’t be his friend. It’s a weird back and forth that definitely isn’t helping her psyche. She thinks the guy who saved her life regrets it, which would fuck you up for sure.

This has nothing to do with my argument, but I need to mention that in the next scene, we get both “its la push baby, la push” as well as Edward kicking the apple up into his hands in a way that defies logic and gravity. It’s cinema perfection. To be fair, in this scene, Edward says that Bella would be smart to stay away from him. He may not be trying to force Bella into a Stockholm syndrome situation, but I am sure those bank robbers weren’t either.

Bella is still herself at this point. She goes to the beach with her friends, hangs out with Jacob, and gives the girls advice about the Prom. She asks to go with the girls to prom dress shop all on her own, but she is kinda zoned out and reading a book because she just wants to go to the bookstore. I appreciate that she tried to participate in the girly things her friends wanted to do, but then she is dumb as fuck and walks down the darkest and creepiest alley ever. These gross ass adult men jump her, and Edward comes to the rescue in his teeny tiny little car. Slay! But do you wanna know what’s not slay? Edward was literally stalking her, but Bella feels blessed because he saved her once again. At dinner, Edward, in the creepiest way possible tells her that “he feels very protective of her.” I am obsessed with how quickly Bella accepts that he can read minds. Like what the fuck is wrong with her. But here, we can start to see the change in Bella despite the warning signs - Edward was LITERALLY STALKING HER. GET A GRIP GIRL!!

After Waylan’s death, Bella has flashbacks for a second time! and it makes her start reading the book about vampires. This leads us to an incredible scene of internet sleuthing about vampires and having MORE FLASHBACKS to when Edward saved her. Someone get this girl some help. In the next scene, we get the incredible confrontation between Edward and Bella in the woods. Something I need to bring up here - this girl knows that Edward has stalked her, and she is pretty sure that he is a dangerous vampire. YET!!! She decides to walk out into the forest ALONE with Edward to confront him somewhere no one could see. These two aren’t even together yet, and she has the worst self preservation skills of all time! Then - when she finds out that he has been 17 “for a while” she STAYS AND KEEPS TALKING TO HIM!!!

Now, here is where I truly feel like my evidence really begins. When Edward talks about what vampires eat and how he is dangerous, Bella says “you won’t hurt me.” We are certainly seeing some crazy amounts of trust and sympathy for this man who was literally stalking her and may kill her out in the woods and is also a vampire. Remember how the Cleveland Clinic notes “sympathy for their captor’s behaviors” as one of the key signs of Stockholm Syndrome… She has no reason to believe in him, but she does. Edward drags her through the woods and then forces her up the mountain to reveal how weird and shiny he is. “This is the skin of a killer, Bella” should have really made her turn around and run, like he is literally admitting to being a killer and she says “I don’t believe that.” GIRL!! GET OUT OF THERE!! RUN BITCH!!

I find it interesting that Edward in this scene says that his voice, his face, and his smell are tricking Bella into being drawn in because he is a predator, and it is a trap. He talks about how he was designed to kill and how Bella would never be able to out run him or fight him off, and he is trying to physically demonstrate the threat by throwing shit around. It is a scary display! Edward does a lot in the first few movies to stay away from Bella, but eventually, he does fight to keep her around despite the fact that he KNOWS that he’s 100 years older than her (ew) and he KNOWS that his vampire whiles have tricked Bella’s brain into being attracted to him. Honestly, if he were a good man and not a weird criminal, he would have just moved. Like why do the Cullen kids even need to be in school. Let them pretend to be in their 20s for a while and move away from this poor dumb girl.

As soon as Edward and Bella get together in the woods, she says she is in love with him. Girl, BFFR. We start to see Bella pull away now that she has Edward. Bella ignores all of her friends at school to be with Edward.

Ok, now Charlie is on the hunt for the “animal” killing people. Bella fully knows that its a vampire and that those vampires can kill Charlie and her friends, but she doesn’t say anything because she now has this weird allegiance to the Cullens. She also won’t tell her dad that she’s dating Edward. Mike tells Bella that he doesn’t like Edward dating her because “he looks at you like you’re something to eat.” I know that Mike says that shit because he used to have a thing for Bella, but it says something when your friends are worried about your boyfriend and you brush them off… That’s not a good sign.

That night, Edward just appears in her room while she is on the phone with her mom and ADMITS TO SNEAKING INTO HER ROOM FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS??? TO WATCH HER SLEEP??? Bella thinks its hot. Literally what the fuck girl get a GRIP. Now, when Edward introduces himself to Charlie, he looks hot. My theory, and you can test it as you watch the series, is that Edward gets hotter over time because Bella gets deeper and deeper into her Stockholm syndrome situation. A lot of the other characters are their hottest in this movie, but Edward gets hotter as Bella loses her mind. I think that is saying something.

BASEBALL SCENE!!! BASEBALL SCENE!!! BASEBALL SCENE!!!

Now we are in the first instance where Edward has put Bella in danger - the three rogue vampires find out about her while the Cullens play baseball. This won’t put Bella into danger until later, but it fully is Edward’s fault that she was out in the woods where the vampires could find her. What it does do is force Bella to choose between Edward and Charlie, and this one singular time, she chooses correctly. Bella tells Edward to leave her alone. She isn’t fully sucked into the Cullen trap! JKJK!! It is all a trick to get Charlie to think she is leaving so he doesn’t worry about her! It is absolutely devastating to watch Bella hurt Charlie because Edward says “you have to.” Oh my god it is so hard to watch. DON’T HURT CHARLIE THAT’S MY MANZ!!!

This scene of Bella leaving really solidifies her jump from normal Bella to what we could call captive Bella. She is forced to leave her dad. She is painfully watching her friends have fun while she runs away with the Cullens and a boy she just kissed for the first time after he admitted to sneaking into her room for months. From here on out, we will watch her slowly pull away from everyone until it is just her and Edward. In this scene, Bella admits to being afraid and Edward says “Bella, you are my life now.” Insanity. It’s actually so scary. He also says that when it is over, they are gonna go somewhere alone. Isolating a 17 year old from her home, her friends, and her family is manipulative creep behavior, even if it’s because a scary vampire is trying to get her. Especially when it’s your fault for the vampire even knowing she was a target to begin with.

James tricks Bella into coming to the ballet studio alone and beats the shit out of her before biting her, which nearly kills her. Edward has to suck the poison out because Alice gets horny off Bella’s blood. Bella has to watch a murder happen while Edward just lets her suffer until he decides what to do with her. Edward then takes too much of her blood despite Carlisle telling him when to stop, which is a cool and totally not bad thing to do to your girlfriend when she is on the brink of death. When Bella wakes up, she thanks Edward for saving her, solidifying this savior idea she has about a man who will continue to put her in danger.

Oh god and I totally forgot about the boot to prom. Now, right before the end of the movie, we get one final attempt at a friend trying to save Bella. Jacob gets paid by his dad to tell Bella to break up with Edward. Another adult man informing Bella of what a mistake she is making. She is just like ok whatever bye! Note, she goes to prom with Edward and not any of her friends, even though her friends were so excited about it. She does say hi to her friends, but Edward takes her outside, and they spend the entire prom alone together. It is really fucked that the soundtrack goes so hard in this movie because I start to tear up even knowing that she is going to lose all of her friends and family for Edward.

At the end of this movie, we know a few things about Bella and Edward. Bella starts off as a shy girl with friends who spends time with her dad and calls her mom often. When she meets Edward, she idolizes him after he saves her life a few times. He tries to explain how much of a fucking creep he is by admitting to stalking her, being a murderer, and sneaking into her home for months. She thinks its hot and says that she loves him. Edward, despite being 117 and knowing better than to be into a 17 year old girl, brings her into his family and exposes her to other vampires. Those vampires hunt her for sport and to “protect her,” Edward forces her to lie and leave her friends and family. She now has no one else besides the Cullens. While they do save her, it is their fault for putting her in this situation. However, because they save her from James, she sees them as her savior rather than her captor.

Now, we will complete our analysis by quickly going over the evidence from the other four movies. It is going to be less descriptive because I could not make myself watch this entire series again after watching it literally 2 months ago.

Everyone, buckle up because it is New Moon time. Before we get started, I would love to read the character descriptions from the New Moon entry of Wikipedia:

Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, a teenage girl who falls into a deep depression after her true love, Edward Cullen, leaves her. Her friendship with Jacob Black is expanded as she realizes that he can mend the hole left open by Edward

Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen, Bella's vampire boyfriend who abruptly leaves town to protect her.

Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black, a cheerful companion who eases Bella's pain over losing Edward. He reveals to Bella that he is part of a pack of werewolves whose main goal is to protect her from the vampires Laurent and Victoria

Totally off topic, but I went into the talk page for this bc I love Wikipedia editor drama and someone reviewing this page marked it as stable because it doesn’t have an editing war happening in it. I just love Wikipedia editor culture. Anyway -

In the beginning of this movie, Bella gets a paper cut at her birthday party, which is with the Cullens and not her friends, and Jasper tries to kill her. Again, we are so clearly in “the Cullens are the threat” territory but this bitch has her blinders on hard core. Edward freaks out about it ,and his family moves out of Forks to protect her. At this point, you must be saying, “how could she have stockholm syndrome if he left to protect her?” Just you wait. If you remember from before, sometimes Stockholm syndrome manifests as anxiety, being unable to relax or concentrate, and withdrawing. Well, my girl Bella goes through a major depressive episode when Edward leaves and seemingly stays in her room for months just moping around. The only reason Bella reconnects with anyone is because Charlie threatens to send her to Jacksonville to live with her mom. So, Bella goes to see a movie with Jessica. However, instead of just enjoying the movie like a normal person, she goes up to some bikers she sees on the street and gets on a fucking strangers bike so she can see a force ghost of Edward.

This entire movie is about Bella doing dangerous activities so she can see a memory of Edward even though she has a support system she could use to safely get over the breakup. Jacob tries to be a friend but ends up helping Bella do dangerous shit to see force ghost Edward. Unrelated to literally anything, Jacob goes through werewolf puberty and has to ditch Bella too. The distance doesn’t last long thought. Bella is quickly attacked by Laurent, one of the rogue vampires. You remember, the guy who discovered Bella when Edward had her out in the woods to play baseball. Remember the guy who was friends with the guy who literally almost killed Bella like a few months ago. Yes, that Laurent. The werewolves save Bella and that starts a whole other thing for these movies with the pack politics and the werewolf - vampire feud that we won’t get into.

Bella says yolo and does the dumbest shit ever - go cliff jumping alone in Washington to see her ex-boyfriend. I do want to note that Bella and Edward have known each other at this point for 6 months, and they have been apart for 6 months. Literally, they were together for less time than they have been broken up. It’s insane. And I know that I usually like to give teen romances a break because teens have big feelings and love can be all consuming at that time, but this girl is constantly in danger and depressed because of a man she has maybe kissed 3 times and is 117. Also unrelated, but this twilight wiki article on the timeline mentions that when the Cullens move away, they move to Ithaca where Jasper becomes a philosophy student?? Are you talking about the same Jasper who fought for the confederate side?? Ok yeah ok.

Anyway, Alice sees this in her vision, and Edward, thinking Bella is dead, tries to kill himself. I literally don’t care. Alice and Bella fly to Italy to save Edward. They do, and after some negotiating with the Volturi, they get to leave when they promise to eventually turn Bella into a vampire. At the end of the movie, we see Edward make what Stephanie Meyer would call a compromise and I would call a quid-pro-quo. He promises to turn her into a vampire, which is her dream, ONLY if she marries him. Remember, he is 118 at this point and she is freshly 18, but yeah pop off I guess. No weird power dynamic going on here. Definitely no reason to be worried about this relationship at all.

Our next movie is Eclipse. I would like to note that in the Eclipse talk page on Wikipedia, it is listed as a horror as is Breaking Dawn part 1… I’m gonna say that is a point in my favor too.

This movie is really just a way to exploit the love triangle of the series, but I think it illuminates the weird tension and power dynamic that Edward and Bella have together. Now that Edward and Bella have been reunited after Edward tries to (with an Italian accent and the hands 🤌🏻) kill himself, he proposes. Bella doesn’t want to get married at 18. Like thank god she has 2 brain cells in this movie. I have to note that when Edward proposes, they have been back together for 3 months, and together for a total of 10 months at the most. She is really uncertain about the whole thing, partially because she is so young and partially because her parents didn’t stick together.

Something I think is interesting in this movie is the fact that Bella legally has to be turned into a vampire to fulfill her agreement with the Volturi. If she doesn’t get turned, she will be killed by them. Edward refuses to turn Bella into a vampire unless she marries him. In a way, he is forcing Bella to chose between two options she doesn’t want: get married or get murdered by scary Dakota Fanning. She no longer has any agency in her life or her decision to become a vampire - she literally has to pick getting married. Now, because she has been tricked into falling in love with an 118 year old murderer, she thinks it will work out just fine. I just wanted to bring up that plot point because it really is so gross of Edward??

Next in Eclipse, Jacob kisses Bella, and she breaks her hand trying to punch him. At the same time, we get some training montages to prepare for the battle with Victoria, the lover of James, remember James who almost killed Bella. Yeah, well she’s a coming, and she’s bringing some fresh vampires. During the training, Jasper tells Bella about how he hated his life until he met Alice, and that is enough to convince her to marry Edward. I love when a heart to heart with a canonical confederate soldier fixes my relationship problems.

Because of Victoria and the need to force the love triangle, Jacob, Bella, and Edward go on a camping trip. While Bella tries not to die of hypothermia, Jacob gets mad about them being engaged and runs off. Bella then kisses Jacob to keep him from running away because thats how you shut people up in romance movies but also because apparently now she loves him?? Edward is like ¯\(ツ)/¯ because “he knows that she doesn’t love Jacob as much as him” and maybe also because if she chooses Jacob she will literally be murdered by the Italian vampire squad??

There is a fight and like its fine and then the Volturi remind Bella of their deal, so she chooses Edward. Again, it is great to choose your partner under duress, especially when it is entirely your partner’s fault that you are under duress. Wikipedia describes the end of this movie as follows: “Bella and Edward go to their meadow, where she tells him she has decided to do things his way: get married, have sex, then be transformed into a vampire, and that she feels complete in his world. They decide to tell Charlie about their engagement.” I always forget how important Edward’s “old fashioned views” on sex and relationships are in these movies until I rewatch. Nothing reminds me more about this 100 year age gap than Edward not wanting to take her flower before God intended. Ugh, anyway.

On to Breaking Dawn Part 1!! I hate this movie, but boy does it have a lot to discuss.

This movie opens on the wedding. Our sweet lil girl is finally marrying her 118 year old spooky boyfriend so she doesn’t get murdered! How beautiful. But before that, we get Edward admitting to Bella that he used to murder people for sport after he got turned even though Carlisle told him not to. Very cool Ed!! Bella says that its ok because he probably was saving more lives by killing these weirdos, which is another good example of siding with her captor. Side note, but Bella is all in on getting married and never seeing her friends and family again as Edward reaches peak hottie status in the series… Coincidence?

In the scenes leading up to the wedding, we see two Bellas: the one around Edward who is so sure about getting married BECAUSE she is so sure about becoming a vampire and the one around her friends and family who looks nervous and unsure about the wedding. She looks like she’s having a panic attack, especially as Charlie walks her down the aisle. That could just be because she’s shy Bella but I think maybe there is something more going on here.

At the wedding, we hear from some of the speeches from Bella’s friends and family. Emmett gives a horny ass toast. Jessica gives a crazy speech about how she is hotter than Bella. Charlie says “Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I am a cop.” which devolves into him just threatening Edward. Bella’s mom sings a lullaby that goes on for a criminal amount of time. Alice bashes Bella’s fashion sense. Esme gives a harrowing speech about protecting Bella forever.

In one of my favorite scenes of the series, we watch Jacob and Bella reconnect. I am going to include the best part after I talk about this evidence, but here Jacob says “I should be used to saying goodbye to you.” Remember how, since vampires don’t age, Bella is going to have to leave literally every single person she knows and loves to live exclusively with Edward, a man who invites endless danger and also is a creep? Woof it is hard to watch. Then, Jacob gets mad at Bella, rightfully!, for planning on getting dicked down by her vampire husband before she turns vampire.

Before she goes on her honeymoon, Bella has a tearful goodbye with her parents, who she knows she will never see again. It’s really sad?? She can hear the wolves howling and is even more sad. From here on out, Bella will only have the Cullens. She has committed herself forever to this group of people who constantly endanger her, partially because if she didn’t Michael Sheen would kill her.

Now, the rest of this movie is Bella’s pregnancy. Fun fact, she is aware of her pregnancy for less than 14 days before she gives birth. According to the book and a tiktok Twilight historian I follow, they have sex on August 14th. From August 15th to 20th, Bella is having weird dreams and eating raw chicken. On August 21st, they have sex again and 10 days later, she realizes she missed her period. When Jacob sees Bella all gross and pregnant, 7 days have gone by. Renesmee is born on 9/11. It’s WILD.

So now, this poor girl has had sex exactly twice like shes Lane from Gilmore Girls, and she’s pregnant. And guess what? Edward is like fucking EW get rid of that thing rn. This man, who was all about proper godly values, is like abort that creature. She’s like no I wanna keep this baby, and he won’t even try to be understanding. So now, Bella doesn’t even really have her husband as a support system or any of her family to get her through this. She just has the Cullen girlies until Edward can read the baby’s thoughts and he’s like oh sweet the baby means no harm on my wife who I’ve abandoned many times and also forced to leave her entire support system.

Bella dies in the most gruesome childbirth scene of all time, and Edward turns her into a vampire.

FINAL MOVIE!!! BREAKING DAWN PART 2

Most of this movie is irrelevant. However, in the beginning, we get my actual favorite scene in all of twilight [you imprinted on my daughter??]. Edward is SO HOT, peak hot one could argue, in this movie. Now that Bella is fully indoctrinated into the Cullen family, Edward becomes as hot as possible. His total mind takeover is complete.

Anyway, this movie really reminds us of the impact the Cullens have had on isolating Bella. Charlie is desperate to know anything about Bella’s health and where she is, btu the Cullens are like yo - we gotta move and never talk to him again. We gotta pack our bags and move away. Jacob is like thats absolute bullshit so he snitches to Charlie. He doesn’t tell him everything so it seems to be ok? They say that Renesme is adopted and Bella is no longer sick, so its gucci.

The rest of the movie is just about the Volturi bullshit and Alice girlbossing until Bella, Edward, and Renesme get to be a happy family, totally cut off from the outside world.

To recap, people who have Stockholm syndrome have:

Positive feelings toward the captors or abusers aka the Cullens

Sympathy for their captors’ beliefs and behaviors aka Edward being a stalker and a murderer and a pedophile

Negative feelings toward police or other authority figures aka Charlie and the werewolf pack when they warn against being with the Cullens

Other symptoms are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and include:

Flashbacks like all of the ones she had in Twilight and the force ghost projections in New Moon

Feeling distrustful, irritated, jittery or anxious which only gets worse in Bella as she spends more time with the Cullens.

Can’t relax or enjoy things that you previously enjoyed - this bitch is on edge all the time and everything in her life has become life or death at 18.

Trouble concentrating - you know it, especially in New Moon.

Over time, we watch Edward get hotter as Bella feels more and more tied with the Cullens. When she has no other way of surviving, she marries Edward and then is removed from her community forever. She can’t even share the miracle of her becoming a mother with anyone. It is upsetting to watch, and that’s why I believe this franchise is actually a horror story warning us about Stockholm Syndrome.

Closing Statement

Honorable members of the jury, I am sorry that I put you through this today. I can’t say what compelled me to do this other than grad school procrastination and a recent hyperfixation on Twilight. I hope you can all look at this movie with a clinical eye, as doctors recognized by the court today, and see that yes, Edward put Bella in danger many times and yes, she thought he was hotter every time he revealed something fucking heinous about himself. We should all watch these films not as romances, but as warnings. Don’t fall in love with weird loners who are 117 years old. Don’t join a family with a confederate soldier. It will only cause you irreperable psychological damage and physical pain and also give you a weird baby that your ex-lover imprints on. Please don’t find me guilty of bad taste for believing Twilight is a Stockholm Syndrome horror film.

#raccoon court #twilight #twilight saga #essay

[v1l3m0f0]

Dumb rant about Rick and Morty’s relationship

An alcoholic genius grandfather and his grandson who gets trapped in the middle of it all

I scroll through the Rick Sanchez tag a lot and saw that many call him an abuser. Which is, when I thought about, very true, rewatching episodes of S1-4, though my dumbass has watched every episode at least 2-3 times, yet I never thought about it and still struggle with admitting it.

To give a bit of context to my person, I was/am a victim of verbal and physical abuse for years, by my parents, grandfather and a past partner.

And I truly hope Morty can forgive him, I did.

I know all of it is fictional but the show means a lot to me, since I’m a big science guy and can relate to Rick and Morty in vastly different aspects. My personality is closer to Ricks, nihilism n all that, but I still have feelings and trauma like Morty does and I believe he doesn’t get as much recognition for being so god damn strong around Rick as he deserves.

Rick put that kid through hell, yet he seems to forgive. He (unfortunately) doesn’t have much of a choice since he’s his grandfather and he’s a minor, but I believe Morty truly loves him past his fucked up-ness.

I hope Morty will have pleasant memories for Rick and that if he gets therapy when he’s older, realizing what his grandfather has put him through, he can see the positive in it.

Personally I believe I cope very different from other victims of violence and abuse because I forgave. I granted the people who hurt me deeply and caused me trauma a good life, which has turned out as an easier way than others I encountered, because years after they been hurt, they still seek revenge when I do not. I live my own, broken, life.

And I hope Morty can do so too. Morty is a child not opposed by therapy and I hope that never changes. Especially as a man who’s been subjected to emotional and physical violence. I know women have it incredibly hard, I’ll never deny that fact, but therapy is even more frowned upon for males. Because we’re often, not allowed to have feelings. Especially by other men.

I hope their relationship changes before Rick‘s death. As much as I adore Rick, he hurt Morty. Deeply. And to the shows nature I don’t even know if Rick can die, (recap to tiny Rick and the Akira episode), I hope the kid can learn and thrive from him, no matter how much he fucked him up.

Rick is an incredibly knowledgeable person, he’s the smartest creature in the universe, and I hope Morty will carry on with positive memories of that man, rather than holding a grudge for life. Though no one has the right to take that from him, because he has every reason to, but it’s easier and more beneficial if you learn not to.

I’d never share this if it wasn’t for the anonymity of my person here on tumblr. It’s no shame to be a victim of abuse, but I’m a person who prefers his privacy. I don’t like people to know who I am or what negativity I experienced in life. If you do, that’s fine, but I am me, not you.

Another aspect is, that I am a person with very limited empathy, like Rick (caused by life events rather than a disorder), and yet it absolutely destroyed me to go through abuse by my family and especially a partner I loved. For Morty, a god damn child, I believe it’s both. Morty and Rick aren’t in a romantic relationship, yet their dynamic is very close to it, considering the emotional aspect do their relationship, and they have a familiar bond. Morty truly loves Rick, he’s his grandfather, his closest relationship and a man he traveled the multiverse with. They abandoned realities with each other. Rick is the only true constant Morty has in his life. That fact will never change. Morty’a reality of origin is just as dead as Ricks. The two are not from the same one, yet both of them are the C-137s. They are ultimately and forever bonded, past any reality.

I don’t doubt Rick loves Morty too, he’s pretty much the only person he has not abandoned, but Rick has issues. He’s an alcoholic, he’s a broken man, a man with very little empathy.

And to some extent I can understand what Rick feels. I myself, have very little empathy and often step on peoples toes by my harshness and disregard for feelings. I’ve hurt people I love, deeply. To a point they cried.

Their relationship is truly and utterly toxic. The easy solution would be for Rick to leave, let Morty live a normal life. But they’re way past that. Morty has seen the horrors of the universe. He’s way more mature than other kids his age, because he’s seen and done things no adult in our reality could dream of.

He needs Rick, and I don’t believe it’s a bad thing. Rick changed. He cared for Morty in his own way since the show started. And yes, it’s been horrible, he has been horrible. Yet in the newest season he let Morty know and feel he cares, which he never did before.

I truly hope Morty can forgive IF Rick keeps his change going. He’ll always be a nihilistic asshole, but Morty deserves his integrity. He’s a child, which many forget. I honestly don’t know if I could’ve been as strong as Morty is at 13-14 years old or if Rick would’ve absolutely broken me.

Morty deserves more credit for who he is.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #rick and morty season 6

[eldritchmochi]

b m u y ! letter ask game

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

i fully blame seize and gem for getting me on the shadowidomauk train, regardless of the teif personality. seize especially has me in a chokehold re: their lucien and essek combo in one of their fics, which i have not read nor do i even know if its been posted but they keep sending me snippets like MOCHI YOU WILL LOVE THIS IT HAS ALL* YOUR KINKS and by dog they're right (*it is not actually "all" this is impossible as i have Too Many Kinks but)

also gem's essek-owns-a-boujie-coffee-shop au that has shadowidomauk as end game is cute as shit im sorry gem that i haven't had the spoons to edit more (its so good aaa)

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

i answered M with "ashton" over here in this post the other day but another character i would want to be friends withhhhhhhh hmmm lets say asterion. no i have not played the game but from the lore i have absorbed via cherry he is very much the kind of gay i would have fun having catty gossip with while also being the sort of rock for him to lean on and like..... not therapy him i hate being peoples therapist but the immovable object he can bounce trauma off and figure out How 2 People again. i think he would appreciate my bluntness and the way i set clear, explicit boundaries but am otherwise unflappable, and i would certainly appreciate his humour, and we can bond!! over the whole being ace as a result of trauma!! :D

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

answered U over here with ashton, kylo, and bucky over here but lets do it again!!

lets kick it off by going Old School with the Original Husbando ^TM: vash the stampede. you have no idea how jazzed i am about the new trigun anime (no i have not watched it i merely enjoy the smut on twitter) because vash is like, my og blorbo. did i have blorbos before? yes, kind of, but my Wants in a man* (*fictional character) had not yet developed so they were but proto-blorbos. vash tho... he has it all: tall pretty boy happy go lucky twink who is secretly Full Of Trauma but shoves it down super hard by being just so upbeat and goofy, and just really wants..... love and peace lmao. a lot of my blorbos historically have similar vibes in the "puts on an act to cover deep severe trauma" way lmao

next up: more anime i guess, but modern: i honestly super fucking love all might???? like SO MUCH he is such an interesting character and i desperately want to read fic of him grappling with his severe health issues alongside his image as a hero AND his mentoring of midoriya (preferably with that guud guud smut, but i have no clue who i'd ship him with, i only got two seasons in lmao). unfortunately, everything i like about him isnt even in cannon its just stuff that i, a cripple, can extrapolate from the worldbuilding and lil snippets we get of him but MAN i am o b s e s s e d

third!!! more comics: loki, specifically the agents of asgard loki. i am 100000% planning to cosplay that loki (i have the hair after all) and i am very excited because he is just so very Gender. it was the first time i saw a genderfluid character in mainstream media and his "i AM gender queer, i IDENTIFY as a bitch" like is something i quote constantly to describe my gender. also hes just such a dick who is obviously trying to do better and unlearn bad habits and god, i dont remember specifically what its about but he has a big fight with his earthside contact roommate buddy helper person over something and then comes crawling back and does this big speech where he talks about how he knows hes a fuck up but he's trying and he values her friendship so much even if he's been shit about showing it and it is chefs kiss

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

dragon age. just... i know so much vague dragon age lore from listening to cherry talk about it because it is their BIG love for video games (pending bg3..... not sure if itll overtake da but theyre very sad they cannot play it again til monday lmao). i absolutely instigated a convo with someone on okc asking if xyz thing was a da reference and i was rIGHT it secured me a date lmao

similarly, mass effect, batfam stuff, haunted mansion, nbc hannibal (dont ask me why its a fandom in law still i cannot explain), s8 infinity (???? i only know matcha blossom), the final fantasy mmo, taz......

you can ask me more of these letter questions!! i have much time to spare!! maybe!!!

#mochi rambles #mochi asks

[architectual--bloom]

bro, a broken kneecap sounds terrifying 😳😳 If I may ask, how did it happen???

yeah!! i never talk about it alot but like. it was the time of my life /s

gonna put it under a read more and i tagged it but! Warning that I am talking about a graphic and traumatic injury and its aftermath (including infection) beyond this point!

so like. on the last day of my junior year of high school we were at field day (for those who dont know, its literally just a day were theres no classes yall just get to do outdoor games in a giant field all day). there was a relay race which i enjoy doing so i was fine with it!

Well at the end of each persons turn there was a bit where you spin around to purposely throw off your balance. I already dont have great balance, so after i did it i basically was stumbling badly back to the next person. I fell past the line for the next person, but when i stumbled and fell on the field, i basically cracked my kneecap vertically. it wasn't completely broken yet at this point but i couldn't stand and i was screaming and crying the whole time until i got to the hospital (which was hours later btw. The school didnt bother to get an ambulance for me, just bring me back to the school (further distance than to the hospital) and call for my mom to get me).

flash forward a couple weeks, and the orthopedic doctor said that i could start putting weight on it again bc it was starting to heal nicely. THAT was the mistake that snapped my kneecap directly in half.

I had to have surgery to screw the two pieces together. I still have those screws in bc my bone basically bonded to them, but eventually I have to have my whole knee replaced. It's overdue but as long as im not having severe problems arthritis wise they dont see the harm in keeping my original knee as long as i can.

My knee got infected a little bit after the surgery and I almost lost my leg from the knee down but bc it was caught I still have my leg (thank god) but instead I have a huge blown out scar from the surgery that will never heal nicely. All in all from fracture to full recovery it took about... I wanna say 6 months? it ruined my senior year bc I couldn't do my dance classes that gave me stress relief and an outlet for my mental health problems. Shortly after I healed I actually was admitted to a mental health facility because of how fucked my mental health got.

I have bad knee problems with both knees now (apparently i also have shallow knee sockets which means my other knee dislocates super easy) so who knows when I'm gonna have to get both knees replaced, but i get checked regularly and it doesn't seem to be an immediate problem ^^

But yeah! now you know about the most traumatic part of my life that has nothing to do with my family! Thanks for staying around and reading if you got this far i just kinda rambled about it all and wrote a mini essay trauma dump.

#cyn speaks #graphic tw #infection tw #injury tw

[colorisbyshe]

I don't really watch anime but you have really similar taste to me in everything else so I'm wondering whether to watch naruto bc of ur blog lol

This is............... a complicated thing to answer.

Naruto is not good.

The world building starts off intriguing but falls flat on its face as you realize how fucking... insular the story is (the country/village Naruto belongs in was founded literally 2-3 generations ago, like the leader who takes over when Naruto is 13 is the grand daughter of the founder).

The morality of the story is fucking all over the place and it is EXTREMELY frustrating how much potential early Naruto's messaging has (confronting the shortfalls of founding an economy/nationstate on war, impacts of trauma, manipulation of youth, even on fighting destiny) and how much it goes exactly waht it originally set out to say.

The story gets sidelined and it spends like... 100+ chapters on a war you do not care about and has little to do with like... the actual OG story. Like... it becomes about an alien/goddess thing who was like... not at all foreshadowed. Lots of retcons happen mid story to change character dyanmics and motivations and it's clear quite a few of them were not planned.

I can't even say the charactrs are particularly good. I love Sasuke but he disappears for dozens of chapters at a time and he's not allowed to ever fully live up to his potential. Naruto's character development is killed like... early on. Women are not allowed to be half as complex as their peers. Interesting side characters are either killed off or live in another village so you barely ever see them or their lore is given in crumbs so you're never fully satisfied.

I don't think anything abotu Naruto is that unique (especially if you've read/watched any of Togashi's work like YYH/HXH but also any shounen).

But also... here I am............ 15 years later....... more than 15 years later....... still low to high key obsessed.

A lot of it is Sasuke and Naruto's arc, which is... probably less than 20% of the total series... but like... if a ship is enough to make me deal with everything else, it's gotta be pretty fucking good.

But then... part of me is like "If you didn't get into Naruto as a kid as it was coming out, don't bother, you have to be mentally bonded and shaped by the series tto enjoy it" but idk... I know people who have read it in their 20s, post completion, and got into it.

I'm the wrong person to ask because I hate that I love it. But... I've hated to love lots of things before and I dropped them all. I'm like... the queen of turning on previous passions. And Im still here.

THAT SAID... I never finished *watching* Naruto. It had too much filler (though, if you're insane and this made you want to watch it, google Naruto Kai, it cuts out the filler and flashbacks). I read the manga. I read the first ~500 chapters at least 5 times and the last 200 chapters... once (with an exception of a few chapters I mined for sasunaru content).

TO PUT IT CONCISELY:

Naruto sucks. I can't ever abandon it, it's too good. Do it for Sasunaru. Don't do it for your mental health. The anime is too fucking long, I can give you the tools to make watching it shorter. Don't watch it. Join us. Don't you wanna know wtf I'm blubbering about? Save yourself. Watch Star Trek instead for Spirk if you're just gonna watch shit for god tier soul mate (but still a choice! it's not destiny, it's a CHOICE, we were made for each other but choose everything else until we realize that everything else HURTS) content.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend and wow, that episode was A LOT. I'm glad we got to see TayKay in her true form, though also glad we didn't see the final break-up this episode since the focus deserved to be on the incredible Hen & Chim friendship. They are the foundation of the 118 and while they've had bits (read: not enough) of their individual stories told this season, I'm really happy to see an episode so focused on their bond (though not gonna lie, that scene with them and Jonah at the end left me

feeling nauseous). Speaking of Jonah, love that the actor had a truly stand out performance while AK continues to "meh" audiences. Anyway also in focus us what feels like nearly the end of Eddie's healing arc, which again was beautiful to see. All the little tidbits we got from his childhood made me 😭😭😭, but the joy of seeing him say he was going to be better for himself was such a fantastic moment. Eddie really has come so far (also Ryan's performance has been amazing) and in a good position to support his future husband next season when Buck has his breakdown era. Other notable things this episode include the welcome lack of L and Bobby punching Jonah. I'm going to predict during his spiral next episode we see Eddie returning the advice Frank gave him when they talked about Afghanistan, particularly about blaming themselves on not seeing the danger when they were focused on healing others. Anyway if there are any complaints i want to mention it is not with the episode itself but with the fact that the entire TayKay and triangle storyline has been such a waste of time. TayKay never changed, we didn't need to know anything else about her for the breakup to work. Why have her crappy "truth is everything" plot, the vague attempt to give her a sympathetic backstory, the dumb cheating plot with her inconsistent characterisation when original recipe TayKay was enough to end BT? At least the event itself looks to be glorious!

Bestie, I am thriving today, though I have to admit to being a little surprised that a lot of people were less than pleased with the episode. I was just too caught up in the euphoria of Hen/Chim bestieism, tay kay’s true self being shown, almost NO L, and Eddie facing generational trauma and walking out of it with him and his dad wanting to do better, to be too concerned about anything else. I’ve got some issues today but nothing that makes this not still one of the most enjoyable viewing experiences I’ve had in 5b. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So lets talk about it!!

Hen and Chim were literally at their BEST all episode! Aisha and Kenny are criminally underused and it’s been particularly glaring in this season with them choosing to write Kenny out while JLH was out, and the pacing this season being a mess so the mains did fuck all most of the time. But this episode had some BANGER moments for them! We got serious talk besties, we got joking besties, we got investigation besties (Chim being nervous about getting caught, PLEASE I want to kiss Kenny on the mouth for every single choice he made this episode), we got absolutely panicked Hen and Chim to the rescue even half dead (twice dead? twice revived?), and my favorite moment (aside from the juice pouch because GOD Kenny is adorable and perfect) was Chim calling himself the comic relief (which people often think he is and forget what an amazing and layered character Chim is) and Hen shutting that down and reminding him (and the audience) that he’s so much more than that. It was SO GOOD to have them back on my screen for most of the episode. Also, not for nothing, but the contrast to their best friend moments and the way they look at each other vs Buddie was...very loud.

As for the Jonah of it all, I was not expecting it to go as far as it did, but by that point I was just *vibrating* with Hen/Chim love and we knew they would be okay, so I made it through okay, but it being SO dark, SO quickly was unusual for the show in general but knowing KR had a hand it in and she was the one pushing the Jeffrey stuff I can’t say I’m too surprised 🤷🏻‍♀️ But I’ll take this storyline ANY DAY over that other one. I have also seen lots of people pointing out the pacing of the episode was weird which I can agree with, it just didn’t take me out of the joy of watching nearly like every second L is on my screen pulls me out and makes scenes nearly unwatchable 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do think if they were going to go that hard at the end, that we maybe should have had more scenes of him leading up to this episode. Not a lot, but maybe just a little bit more than what we got. I’m going to talk about pacing a little more later but I’m with you and also cackling about Bryce being basically ignored (though likely part of the “misdirect” but still. It was way more shady saying nothing about him and then just having him still around for some reason) while the hyped character and storyline has been SO BAD it was almost entirely cut 🤭 

Bryce came out and delivered an incredible performance in this episode but also throughout 5b, being in the background and mostly likable before really letting Jonah’s true self shine, but I continue to be baffled at what both AK and MW are doing with their faces 90% of the time. I’ve never seen either of them in anything else so IDK if it’s just this show, but AK’s line delivery is SO WEIRD and she only had like 2 brief scenes this episode and both times I messaged someone specifically to ask what she was doing with her face in those brief moments because it was just so noticeably off.  The blessed lack of L was nice, though both moments of hers still weren’t even needed because some rando who has never worked A shift asking Ravi what’s going on with Hen and Chim (who have to be a bit notorious even within the 118 if even other houses know about them) and Ravi saying it’s better not to ask would have made more sense than someone who has been working with them constantly for months 🙄 But it was far less than what I was bracing for. I’m still pissed about her presence taking me out of the joy and feeling of May Day, so I was happy to be spared here, and I refuse to think about the finale just yet. 

And then we have MW and her delivery which is...glaringly bad when you see it in gifsets with other characters from this episode. Her “serial killer” and “I can do something” lines were just so bad, but BOY is it nice to get back to the show acknowledging through other characters, especially Buck, how deeply awful she is! I have only half-watched most of her scenes since 4x14 because I was so sick of what they were trying (and failing) to do with her, but this felt so much like 2x06 that I was just eating it up with a spoon. Go girl! Be the Huge Wrench in your own relationship! But I’m with you, this makes the whole L thing look even MORE pointless which I thought wasn’t possible! We knew it always needed to come down to this, that she’s a terrible person and Buck should never have been with her, but did we need to drag it out this long only to be told that she hasn’t really changed and this has all just been a waste of time? Several people have pointed out that this feels like a storyline that was supposed to be in 5a but got pushed and I could buy that. They had to change her personality every 5 minutes and drag Buck down with her just to keep this relationship on life support long enough to make it to the end of the season, only to end with zero outside influence or interference either from L or Buck “spiraling” because his family is missing. At least it looks like we’ll be getting the breakup Buck deserves to have, so fingers crossed they follow through on that! (also “ original recipe TayKay “ please I am crying! 🤣🤣🤣)

Okay this is already entirely too long BUT as much as the pacing was weird and Eddie’s storyline didn’t really fit in this particular episode tone-wise (this would have been a good 2-parter) it was SO GOOD and pretty much exactly what I expected it to be. I love how 911 addresses generational trauma, and Eddie may have stirred stuff up, but he didn’t shut down! He not only let those angry feelings out, but he let himself be vulnerable and at least start talking it out with his dad. And surprise! He found out his dad felt a lot of the same things he himself felt about missing out on time with their kids and they both want to do better! I LOVE this for him. Adult parent/child relationships are almost always complicated because you still feel those childhood wounds and hurt, but you’ve lived enough to know that they’re just people! No two situations are exactly alike and not every parent/child relationship can or should be salvaged, but I like the direction they took with Eddie’s story. It’s not all fixed or all better, but Eddie is really taking what he learned in therapy to heart and it’s helping him so much. Look at him! He looks SO MUCH better and freer already!

This really is too long but quick miscellaneous things

It was weird not seeing Chris but it was likely episode contract related, and we at least knew where he was at all times

Very weird there was no Madney scene at the hospital but JLH just had a baby and the show working around her schedule as a new mom is a good thing!

SHIRTLESS CHIM!, 

Bobby decking Jonah, and Athena having to act like she wasn’t about to do the same thing, and sweetly icing his hand for him

Karen being the smartest person in the room as always

Uncle!Buck, ADHD!Buck (the dinosaur! 😭😭😭 I want to smoosh his little cheeks), Hoodie!Buck, Husband!Buck just hanging around watching Eddie pack so Eddie has a sounding board for his worries, Angry!Buck (I am having impure thoughts) just...BUCK. 

“I need a hero” being THE music choice of the episode 

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #911 #911 spoilers #hen x chim bestieism era DELIVERED #the usual suspects #anti taylor kelly #anti lucy donato #anti bucktaylor #anti bucklucy #IDC what anyone says this was the most fun i've had watching an episode in a WHILE #5b has had some standout moments #but for me the tay kay/L drama and buck spending most of his time dealing with that #really drug everything down and made it not so fun to watch #especially because we weren't getting a lot for anyone else either aside from eddie #chim has barely been in this season and him getting to shine AND have fun was delightful #kenny and aisha had BLAST and you could tell #yeah the pacing was off but the pacing for the whole damn season has been off #so naturally it's still affecting everything because the season as a whole was poorly planned and structured #and outside the arcs set up season 4 with eddie and maddie everyone has just kinda been...there all season #but we got to see them DOING things this episode and that was a win for me!

[thickenmyblood]

fics i think about every single day of my sad little life

Incision by Ccainao3

The Akielon loses the fight.

Sometimes I want to die and it’s because of this fic right here. No words.

Canis Major by Lapin

It starts because Aimeric is a pushy, arrogant, little bastard who has never learned when he needs to keep his mouth shut. His very presence at this party already irritates Laurent in the worst way.

Laurent is only trying to be a good friend to Jord. Damen was never supposed to be a factor.

Okay so this fic is not only VERY WELL written (as in, perfectly) but it also has all the best tropes EVER: pining Damen, fake dating, Auguste as an ALIVE older brother, NICAISE, Damen and Auguste are bros. Amazing dialogue, and the chemistry between Laurent and Damen is fucking BONKERS. And one more thing: THE SEX SCENE WAS SO HOT. IT WAS SCALDING MY EYEBALLS.

Nature by ahdriking

Laurent snorts, drinking in Damen’s horror like it is something to be savoured.

“I have done nothing,” he says, “but aided nature in its course.”

Pain, but the good kind.

before it all burned down by onekingdomonce

It was true that love was nothing like people explained it to you. Growing up, no one told you that you might find it in more than one place. You find your soulmate. Your one. No fairytales prepared you for the feeling of that sentiment being ripped down the middle, figuratively and literally. Laurent didn’t know how to live with it, so he just had to.

You know sometimes I wake up at, like, five am and I wonder how Nikandros is doing in this universe. This fic ruined my brain and we need to talk about it more often because it’s so fucking hard to get GOOD cheating fics and this one is NEXT LEVEL. This is subtle, but fucked up, but sweet, but sour, but Jesus Christ just READ IT. THE CHEATING IS SO GOOD IN THIS, GO ADULTERY! GO! AND THE WRITING JKBGKJBGK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The World's More Full Of Weeping by deripmaver

At thirteen, a boy named Laurent Devere had gone into the woods with his uncle.

What had come out was wrong. He was wrong.

He was not Laurent.

He was a changeling, and he needed to find a way to bring Laurent home.

Petition for derip to stop. This fic is a MASTERPIECE. This was so sad but sweet it sometimes had me CRYING my eyes out and that’s no easy task considering I have like three tears left. No spoilers but the final scene had me sobbing like a fucking child. It is SO GOOD. Best tropes ever too: trauma (lmao, am I calling trauma a trope? yes, this is derip’s fic), AUGUSTE AND LAURENT’S CRUMBLING BUT STILL THERE RELATIONSHIP, angst, the horrible realization that you will never be a child again and that there are parts of you that have died or been killed by life but also that does not do this justice. PLEASE READ THIS FIC.

No Plan by melancholicpie

Laurent and Damen are not bonded by the Red String of Fate. Laurent worries about it.

Loved this concept so much. This was originally posted in 2020 and has now been re uploaded so just take a chance and read it because it’s the best take on soulmates I’ve read in this fandom!

between them, sharp as a knife by Ccainao3

Damen tells Laurent his true identity at Ravenel.

It doesn't go well.

Good Boy by DreamDrop

Auguste wouldn't have suspected the turn his life took after his brother came back from France to live with him. Now he couldn't imagine ever going back to the way it was before. Especially not after meeting Nik. Not after experiencing the stunning sub looking up at him and calling him Daddy.

I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING.THIS PAIRING WORKS HERE. I SWEAR TO GOD IT DOES. Also the porn here is very, very, very hot. Very hot. I think about this at least ten times a month. 

Étude by xlydiadeetz

“The heart has a melody. Once you discover it, there’s no going back.”

Present day, Auguste is dead. The Golden Pianist is gone, and Laurent finds himself completely alone in the world. Haunted by the ghost of the promise he never accomplished, he goes through the stages of grief as he remembers his brother and deals with the return of a high school crush who makes him start to believe once again in the beauty of music.

No words, just pain. Most painful fic of my life. If you’re a Laurent lover this is a MUST READ. No skipping the classics. This is a fandom gem. This is like the Bible but for Capri fans.

Notorious by VeretianStarburst

“You genuinely don’t know who I am, do you?” Laurent asked, tilting his head back to look into Damen’s eyes.

“Should I?”

“I’m rather notorious around here. I have a feeling you’ll find out why soon enough.”

This is so good and the ending was so good and I want more. Mafia AU, baby!

Lose You by Ellies

“I’m pregnant,”

Damen paled as soon as those words left his mouth. Laurent felt vaguely sick himself.

“What?”

This is or the Incision fans. Hell yes, this fic is INSANELY good. It will keep you on the edge of your seat. It’s SO GOOD.

[this is me trying] by ace_assin9

Aimeric would like to say it wasn’t his fault. What happened. He’d like to, but he’s never been much of a liar. Not unless he’s already spitting mad. Lies don’t formulate themselves like prophecies demanding to be spoken, not like they seem to for the others. He blames the fact that he’s never had to lie. He’s only ever had to hide and hope his parents don’t find him when he fucks up. With five older siblings, it had never been particularly hard.

“Aimeric,” Jord said, haltingly. His shoulders were tense. “D’you think you should see a therapist?”

THIS FIC IS ONE OF THE BEST AIMERIC FICS OUT THERE AFTER CHERRY WINE. I LOVE THIS FIC SO MuCH SOMETIMES I WAKE UP GASPING BECAUSE I CANNOT BELIEVE IT EXISTS AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH PLEASE READ IT. PLEASE. GIVE AIMERIC A CHANCE I AM BEGGING YOU.

I Don't Smoke by rmayuscula

He loves Jord, loves him the most. But not enough to let himself be wrecked by him, to be kicked to the curb like a dog, like his parents did to him. To be used by him, like he has been before. He’ll stay here.

“I could wait too. You could come back.”

Everything Leo writes is cool (check out his latest fics btw, he’s DERANGED) bt this fic will always be special to me because it’s the only fic that made me like Jord as a character. YOU NEED TO READ THIS. GIVE AIMERIC A CHANCE. PLEASE. 

all alone by desastrista

Inspired by Green But For a Season. AU - Auguste never discovers Jord and so Jord never joins the Princes Guard. Instead, he finds work at Fortaine, where he is assigned to instruct Lord Guion's fourth son in swordfighting.

Amazing fic. If you’re looking for something that reads like canon and has this tragic feel to it, give this a try. PLEASE. You will NOT be disappointed. Amazing writing.

Works In Progress - Special Mentions:

(Not) Meant For You by Holly_Golightly

With the internet buzzing over Auguste and Damen’s latest fight and Auguste going off the rails a little bit, Laurent was fairly positive now was the worst possible time for him to accidentally send Damen a text meant for his ex. A text asking for sex.

Auguste was going to kill him.

This fic will be my death. I can’t seem to NOT think about it. Auguste in this is so amazingly fucked up. I love him so much. Lamen here are 10/10

All My Words by itallends

Over one quiet summer, Damen becomes enamoured with his son's boyfriend.

UGH my gem, my guilty pleasure, my love. I love this fic even though it leaves me feeling like a gutted fish. Damen is so fucking hot in this. PLEASE READ.

Concordia by Ccainao3

He’d had hope, after those talks, that when the sting of Olympic loss had faded he and Auguste would be able to salvage something of their old friendship. This doesn’t seem likely now. Sorry I gave you a concussion when I checked you is one thing; sorry I beat you out for the gold medal and then had your little brother wear it while I fucked him is another.

Is your fic rec a fic rec if Concordia isn’t in it? GHHHHHHHHGGBJKGJGJGJGJ I hate this author so much, she poisons my brain with her stupidly well written fics and they won’t leave my MIND. Seriously this fic is SO GOOD. Angry Auguste, Protective Damen, Asshole Laurent. ALSO... Erasmus and Damen in this... they’re my OTP even though they’re not together like that in this. 

Pop Stars by silentdescant

Laurent has been famous since he was a preteen, signed to his uncle's label, Regency Records. Damen and Nik front an indie band and signed with Regency for the opportunity to go on a world tour and open for Laurent.

NO WORDS. Groundbreaking. Wonderful. An ode to suffering.

The Firebird Suite by treeprince

Ancel knew the Regent preferred his pets blue-eyed and younger, but he was the best, so he wasn’t too worried that he couldn’t turn the highest head. If nothing else, he knew he’d make a lasting impression and land himself a contract either with someone much more suited to his tastes, or better.

After all, the only person looking out for him was himself, so there wouldn’t be any need to improve his circumstances with his current owner. There was no use in sticking his neck out for those who wouldn’t do the same for him.

WHY WON’T GOD LET ME HAVE GOOD THINGS. WHY. @treeprince just fucking update it’s KILLING ME. Best Berencel fic of 2020-2021-forever.

sanguinary poultice, love charm by Lapin

A different brother dies at Marlas, a king is crowned, and a new prince is born.

In a garden in Patras, Damen meets Laurent.

No, you do NOT understand. Laurent pretends to be a pet and Damen believes it and this fic is literally the most beautiful thing I read all year. You don’t UNDERSTAND. By the time you see this it’ll probably be completed but... Jesus Christ. The chapters are super long and juicy and beautiful. The scene transitions are SEAMLESS. The sex is so fucking good (Canis Major levels of good). PLEASE read this. The writing is so, so, so, so good. DAMEN IS SO OBLIVIOUS AND I LOVE KASTOR’S LITTLE SON. PLEASE, PLEASE READ THIS if you love love and pain and jokes and pining.

Sunblind by Folfar

The sun is in Auguste’s eyes when he dies. It is there when he wakes up, too.

Everyone has read this fic. We all agree it’s the best of the best. MOST ANTICIPATED AUGUSTE FIC EVER. Damen and Auguste bonding. Laurent... well, READ IT. 100000000/10

Wait, did you think I was done? Without mentioning my favorite fic of alll time? Surprise, bitch.

The Mannequin Gallery by marrieddorks

Laurent was still standing at the bookshelf, his fingers grazing the edge of one of the shelves near eye-level, seemingly scanning the array of titles like that was what he was here for. As he slowly walked, following the parallel lines of the shelves, the angle of him changed, allowing Damen to take in the neat way his sweater was tucked into his pants, the way the belt there accentuated the waist that Damen knew was underneath all those layers, the waist that was so slight in comparison with the build of his illusionary-worthy shoulders, the wisps of hair escaping the low ponytail his hair was pulled into, dancing around the elegant column of his neck like a nonexistent necklace, and the ridiculous length of his eyelashes as the, however briefly, rested on the apples of his cheeks for a blink.

“I, however, am not my uncle,” Laurent continued, his fingers hesitating over a well-used copy of 'Il barone rampante' by Italo Calvino. “Because of that, I will not make his mistake in my counter-offer to you.”

“Counter-offer?”

“Work for me instead,” Laurent said.

Best fic ever. IT HAS JUST BEEN UPDATED. PLEASE READ IT. Soon we’ll get fake dating and fake kisses that are actually real and I need you to PLEASE READ THIS. I am on my knees. Begging. Crying. Throwing up. Laurent is a model. Damen is an influencer. Together they escape from the Regent lol. Something like that... READ THE FIC.

#lamen #berencel #captive prince #capri fic rec #captive prince fic rec #damen x laurent #aimeric x jord #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #how does one tag things #fic rec #lamen fic rec #lol i dont know what other tag i should use............. #great fics #is that a tag

[queerenteen]

Arcane reaction

episode 1-3 (Welcome to the Playground, Some Mysteries are Better Left Unsolved, The Base Violence Necessary for Change)

Started arcane, came for the sapphics but the gays and their crazy science hijinks intrigue me

The sapphics are still my favs though there's just something about a tragic romance that really appeals to me y'know

Man I can already tell that Vi and Powder and going to make me very sad over broken sisterhood

Like seriously how does the rift between them grow so much? They adore each other (looking back this hurts)

Damn that councilman with the gold flecks over her cheeks is so hot

I feel like you can tell a lot about me from how excited I am by the mad science in this show

Nothing gets you to spill your guts faster than people thinking you're an idiot when you know you're not

Damn is Vi going to inherit those badass gauntlets?

Come for the badass warrior sapphics, but also discover the mad scientist gays, best of both worlds

Now that I think about it, there are a couple of parallels between the four already, I wonder how it will pan out

,,, she's going to lose her father figure, isn't she?

The shift from trauma to science husbands left me reeling okay

It took him literally five minutes to go 'our dream' boy you're gay is showing

'Wait this isn't my bedroom--" fucking cackling at the implications of that

Yee they floaty

Holy shit Powder you really should have just stayed put

No no no not the father figure sacrificing everything including their most deeply held morals for their kid dammit it hasn't even been three episodes and I'm going to fucking sob

No please no please don't turn on each other no no no

I know you needed space but this a fucking villain origin story guys come on

Oh no even when she resents Powder she's still her little sister and she immediately goes to help her even when it would kill her

That's why Jinx exists, she thought that her sister abandoned her but she didn't, she loved her so much she had to be dragged away from her and I'm a fucking mess rn no one touch me

'She left me' No she didn't please someone stop this is like watching a car crash in slow motion

'She is not my sister anymore' That was a stab at the heart man

Jesus fuck the similarities between Silco and Vander and Jinx and Vi, god it hurts

Dammit Marcus if you hadn't dragged Vi away--

I am literally three episodes in and this show is giving me so many feelings what the fuck

,,, I'm going to binge this entire thing in like a day huh

episode 4: Happy Progress Day!

Jinx has a solid handle on her personal brand and I respect that

God no, more flashbacks to the past I couldn’t take it the first time and I still can’t

The intro is fucking fabulous

Jayce and Caitlyn’s sibling bond is precious

Science husbands really revolutionized the world huh

I get what the professor means, the gemstone is raw power and we already saw how badly it has affected people

I hate Caitlyn’s cap with a burning vendetta

The music score for this is amazing

No no what did they do to Vander’s bar?? It's nothing like it used to be

‘You should come with me. We’re partners.’ He’s so earnest about him, it’s so sweet.

That tiny floofball is adorable

Fickelty of fame

Is Viktor going to go up on stage? I feel like that’s where this is heading

Oh, he just, doesn’t unveil it. Wasn’t expecting that

Every time I hear a childish voice, I assume it’s Jinx behind it

Look who was right

Caitlyn. Muscles. Me gay

Wait isn’t Marcus the one who saved Vi? Where is she?

Oh, is she in the prison?

Welp, I wasn’t expecting straight up murder

I guess not straight up murder then but that is 100% Vi

WHY ARE THEY ALL SO HOT

I am loving the tattoos that Jinx and Vi have

Well that caught me in hook, line and sinker

episode 5: Everybody wants to be my Enemy

I appreciate the similarities and yet stark dissonance in Caitlyn and Jinx’s fighting styles

Like even how they learnt shooting is so completely different from each other

One is completely on the lawful side of the spectrum and the other is on completely the chaotic

I really liked Grayson’s character; really sad that we didn’t get to see more of her

What are you shooting for?

It’s going to come completely full-circle with that line, isn’t it?

I think Marcus feels like he’s following in Grayson’s footsteps and maintaining peace with the undercity but he’s really not

Viktor wants revolution to reach the undercity too, I wonder what happened to him there

Oh, shit his health is getting worse, how the fuck has no one else noticed

DID YOU NOT SEE THE BLOOD DUMBASS?

Vi parkouring over the rooftops and Caitlyn is just slowly scooting her way

Should Caitlyn really be wearing her enforcer uniform here?

‘Are you sure this is safe?’ ‘Of course not’ I’m cackling

Oof loved the parallels to Jinx and young Vi

Mel knows exactly how to manipulate people to get how she wants

A brothel? Wasn’t expecting that

YOU’RE HOT, CUPCAKE

You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this line

KABEDON

*presses her up against the wall* So man or woman?

So many platonic implications

Her smirk when she sees that Caitlyn chose woman. *they seem to be very good friends*

So, we went from science husbands to political couple. Really?

Blood being the key is very interesting

Silco definitely sees a lot of himself in Jinx

Oh, that was a clever screen cut between Mel and Viktor

WHAT NO VIKTOR

The prosthetics in the undercity remind me of upgraded automail

Vi…

‘I’m an excellent shot’

‘But you’re so sweet. Like a cupcake.’ *pterodactyl screeches*

‘She’s back’ ‘From the dead?’

Fuck yeah she’s back

episode 6: When These Walls Come Tumbling Down

We’re getting some Viktor backstory, I’m very curious to see what made him believe in magic and Jayce when no one else did

Rio looks like an axolotl

Viktor—

‘Viktor saved my life once’ I’m not crying, you are

‘He’s like my brother’ And there’s the sound of my ship drowning

Jinx is the embodiment of chaos, it’s great

Caitlyn: We can look for a safer way to get down—

Vi: *makes her way down a cliff with a stab wound*

Caitlyn: *no longer has an excuse*

Fuck you Sevika

Lmao Jinx just sneezed in her face

Oh, he faked Vi’s death; did not expect that

When Vi is hallucinating and seeing Powder and says 'I should never have left' and Caitlyn thinks that Vi is talking to her and is vulnerable in return?

When Caitlyn hugs him? That was really sweet

I mean, the whole reason Jayce is doing all of this is for Viktor, and no matter how you view their relationship, I hardly think that counts as greed or arrogance

I feel bad for the professor

'Easy easy easy' omfg that was so soft i think I'm going to cry

Caitlyn, honey, we need to improve on your people skills

caitlyn: *tries to shove the giant sign with all her weight and it doesn't move* vi: *cracks it in a single punch*

he was extracting something from rio? that is so fucked up

'i understand now' please viktor no--

wow i really wish caitlyn hadn't shown up

jinx and vi fighting back to back is something that can be so personal

jinx's quiet 'vi?' at the end broke me

episode 7: The Boy Saviour

Caitlyn screaming for Vi, they didn’t have to do that to me first thing on a Monday morning but here we are

EKKO—

‘I missed you little man’ I’m not crying, you are

‘Jayce will understand’ Boy, if he doesn’t imma gonna beat him up myself

‘First, I have to save Viktor’ Then get on it!

Mel is so hot, why is everyone in this so hot

Silco really cares for Jinx and I don’t know how to feel about that

Like the part where he says he thought Vi was Vander’s prodigy but Jinx surpasses anything he could have thought of? Impeccable

Ekko managed to build a safe place in the Lanes for kids like Vander had done for him—

Fuck, that mural is stunning

When someone says ‘partner’ I can never tell if they mean professionally or,,, y’know,,,

‘My hero’—

‘It’s inspired’ God can someone write the au where Viktor finds Jinx instead of Silco, that would great

,,, are they going to go from science husbands to vigilante duo?

‘It’s been real, Cupcake. Thanks for everything”—

Woah those firelight bombs were insane

No no Ekko please be okay

They just, keep touching each other’s faces so often, there is no heterosexual explanation for this

This showdown is fucking epic

Oh shit, he can’t do it because it’s Powder, no matter what he’s been telling Vi

Ekko please be okay—

episode 8: Oil and Water

Holy shit, Mel—

I feel so conflicted every time I see Silco and Jinx because on one hand, he absolutely adores her but on the other, well…

One thing that is really well done in this is how every character had a line that they weren’t willing to cross when they were younger but now, they will. First Viktor, now Mel

*GAY PANIC*

‘This is Vi’

Caitlyn telling her mother that she was wrong, that the entire council was wrong, was so powerful

It worked?? Good for you

Your *pause* friend

Silco’s panicked ‘Jinx!’ hurt, okay?

‘She won’t die Doctor. She can’t’ *sobs* I didn’t think going into this that I would have so many feelings about this but I really fucking do

‘I too, once had a daughter’

‘Jinx gets a whim, and suddenly his spine is jelly.’ You know what, it really fucking is

Vi is just, waiting for Caitlyn in her bed *such good friends*

‘No monster is going to get you when I’m here’ jfc how many times are you going to make me cry

*gentle face touch* so soft, I adore them

Caitlyn being the literal face of Jinx’s nightmares because she thinks she’s going to take Vi away from her—I came her for the gay, and now I’m losing my mind of traumatised sisters

The professor looks like a lost puppy wondering around the undercity like that

Omfg Mel’s mom is like, the antithesis of Mel

You know, most political discussions probably take place with clothes on

‘Oil and water’ I mean, there are emulsions (I’m just going to show myself out now)

No no why??

Viktor saving himself and running under the stars—I have many feels about this scene

Did,,, sky get vapourised?

Out of all the possibilities I thought of, Jayce and Vi teaming up was not one of them

GAUNTLETS

Really sticking to that hammer aesthetic huh?

DAMN VI

Oh fuck the kid

FUCKING HELL WHY THE FUCK IS THIS ENTIRE INDUSTRY USING KIDS FUCK YOU SILCO

In an abrupt tonal shift, we now have shower thoughts: gay edition

Why,,, is your fucking shower knob made of gold that is insane

Is Jinx in her shower, I mean, boundaries man

episode 9: The Monster You Created

Jayce, she was already ridiculously strong and now she has hextech gauntlets, you aren’t going to win

I get where Jayce is coming from, but Vi has a point. He had the privilege of never being part of the undercity. You can’t just walk away from it and hope it disappears

The designs of the undercity characters are so unique omg

Holy shit the Medardas are a fucking mess

Parallels!

‘In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good.’

‘I still believe in loyalty’ I did not expect that

Silco was ready to dismantle his entire fucking empire but not give up Jinx

Wait is that a statue of Vander?

‘Is there anything so undoing as a daughter?’ She was the vulnerable point for both Vander and Silco

‘That’s my girl’ Why must you play with my emotions like this??

‘But he didn’t make Jinx. You did.’ This episode just keeps throwing out the emotional sucker punches

‘You’re the reason I’m still alive’

I don’t even have words anymore

‘Are we still sisters?’ ‘Nothing is ever going to change that.’ *cries*

This scene gives family dinner from hell a new meaning

‘I’m not that crazy’ I mean, evidence says otherwise Jinx

Silco’s like, only redeeming quality is his love for Jinx; and he’s pretty fucking consistent about it

DID SHE JUST SHOOT SILCO TO SAVE VI

‘You’re perfect’ Just stab me in the heart, why don’t you?

YOU CAN’T END IT LIKE THAT WHAT HAPPENS TO ALL OF THEM THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PEACE AND—

I AM LOSING MY MIND

SERIOUSLY IT CAN’T END LIKE THAT

IS THERE AN END-CREDITS SCENE?

This has consumed me omfg

#arcane #arcane liveblog #this used to be a reblog thing but i decided it would work better as one post #caitvi #caitlyn kiramman #vi arcane #jinx #jayvik #jayce tallis #mel medarda #silco #ekko #piltover's finest #silco and jinx #vi and powder

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

#leverage #leverage ot3 #parker #alec hardison #eliot spencer #sophie devereaux #nate ford #talk leverage to me

[aquafaith]

My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

.

.

.

I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!

#anti acotar #anti acomaf #anti acowar #anti acofas #anti acosf #anti sjm #anti feysand #anti rhysand

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it’s a fucking metaphor!

Titans 3.08

i’ve finally gathered the mental and emotional resources to do this thing, so let’s go! as always, i’m typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. on watching this opening scene, i was thinking back to how gar was in s1, or even the early bits of s2. the way he idolised the others, particularly dick, and his readiness to go along with whatever they said, and the way he practically bled the need for acceptance. and here he is now, openly defying dick, fully open to and aware of the flaws of the people he loves and admires, knowing he is accepted no matter what and extending that generosity elsewhere. it’s a remarkable bit of character growth that’s... sort of blossomed in the background and so rewarding to see and acknowledge. 

1.25. i guess what i really love about this conflict over how to respond to jason--as clumsily as it is sometimes written--is how their histories and individual traumas inform each character’s reaction. dick is torn between his guilt over what’s become of jason and his drive to do what batman had essentially given up on doing: he is motivated to track down red hood at all costs but there’s a sense that he’s not completely sold on the idea that the only way to stop him is to kill him. (he might go the comics route and try to put him in arkham? god, imagine if the season ended with jason in arkham.) kory’s never had much of a connection with jason in the first place, and jason has done one of the worst things he could do in her book: track and kill a member of her newfound family and is threatening to kill more. 

and gar... sure. look. the idea of jason and red hood as separate entities appeals to him; that red hood emerged when jason was drugged to the gills by scarecrow and lost his usual inhibitions. gar’s struggled with what he becomes when he’s pushed to his limits, too--he did rip open that experimenting scientist with his teeth way back in 1.07, after all, and he was brainwashed by cadmus in s2 into becoming a literal monster. he needs to think, to know, there’s a dichotomy, a line that can only be crossed under extreme duress or by outside influence. 

and he says--and we say--that he was accepted back into the titans in spite of what he’d done, but was he really? gar’s always struggled with his footing in this group; relegated to the caretaker, the tech guy, the gatekeeper, and sometimes punching bag even though everybody’s paying lip service to how much of a family they all are. perhaps gar reaching out to jason and offering acceptance is aspirational on his part: perhaps this is the effort he hoped the titans put/or will put into getting gar back, even when it would seem like he’s too far gone.

1.5. anyway my point is that i don’t think it’s worth discussing this in terms of right/wrong decisions because all of their reactions make a lot of sense given their backgrounds/personalities. gar is doing a fine job here of tracking down jason’s friends and trying to find him that way, but we the audience know that jason is ultimately going to end up an anti-hero/eventually-hero character, so with that knowledge in mind we know that gar’s reaction is the right one. it’s knowledge that the other characters don’t have, so to judge them on it is... uh, unfair.

1.8. also, molly is awesome, yay!

2. dick and barbara flirting over the phone is so cute! i love to see this side of dick: lighter, peppier, willing (even if somewhat reluctantly) to put his mission aside to go out on a date with his girlfriend. and i love how easy this makes his dynamic with kory too: it’s all very domestic and utterly delightful. 

(also, re: the water leak in barbara’s office--you’re saying GCPD could afford fancy-schmancy table-wide touch screen computers and evil-lair lighting but needs its frickin’ commissioner to catch leaking water from above her desk with mugs and fishbowls????)

2.2225. this is probably a teeny tiny thing and i’m not sure i want to bring it up at all BUT. the fact that dick feels compelled to lie to barbara about not liking fancy gala food and eating something more substantial before the date? not a terribly great sign, though i wouldn’t call it a red flag per se. 

“this from a man who forced his students to eat cauliflower crust pizza...”

3. so.... conner and kom are a Thing. huh.

in theory i really like the idea of them bonding over an innate alien-ness and longing for a place they could really belong. both of them are alien twice-over: conner a mix of kryptonian and human, practically generated in a test tube, and kom being somebody that was born different and rejected by her own people, now stuck on a planet dominated by an entirely different species. i even like them exploring this bond physically. i guess it’s the sense of... uneasiness around what we do and don’t know about kom that makes this scene land slightly left of centre to me. i think titans, especially through s2, has cultivated in its audience a sense of distrust even until the final episode, just in case somebody vital to the season is suddenly revealed to have had ulterior motives (i’m even low-key suspicious of leslie). i really want to see this kom-conner dynamic play out but the anticipation of watching the other shoe drop is sucking out the enjoyment.

4. for fuck’s sake dick, gar’s not your gatekeeper.

TIIIIIIIIMMMMM \O/

4.5. i love this nod to tim’s origins in the comics, the way he just comes in and lays out all his evidence and makes it clear to dick that he needs tim’s help as robin. the fact that he was there at the flying graysons’ last performance, he was obsessed with their acrobatic moves, and was observant enough to connect those moves with that of robin and later nightwing... all of this came together to put him where he is right now.

(i also love how he can’t contain his giddy excitement when talking about the day dick grayson’s parents died... to dick grayson. even if dick weren’t nightwing, that would be a deeply uncomfortable thing! yet tim can’t help himself, and i love him for it.)

4.8. it’s a testament to how much dick’s caught off-guard that he can’t come up with a better response to tim’s allegations other than “uh... he stole my moves! as you know, no two gymnasts in the world are allowed to do the same moves. now, let me escort you out while pretending poorly that i’m not at all shaken by this...”

4.9. i’ve talked about this before, but i find the logic around secret identities in this universe utterly fascinating. the titans don’t make much effort in keeping their identities secret: everybody seems to know that kory is starfire for instance, or that gar is beast boy. dick grayson is seen hanging out with kory a lot, especially at crime scenes. it won’t take a lot of sleuthing to find out that the titans are currently camped out at wayne manor, and to put two and two together.

my theory was that superheroes and villains have become such an integral part of daily society that it’s almost not worth it to seek out their secret identities, or that it’s just not a big deal anymore. like politicians or diplomats, not everybody bothers to look into who exactly their local politician is, but the people who know just... know. it’s a sort of unspoken social contract.

tim’s broken this contract by confronting dick about his identity, and dick’s not ready to deal with it. not entirely.

look at him! *pinches his cheeks*

5. ngl, it was quite satisfying to see jason knock the scarecrow out like that. 

5.5. i guess... the question of jason’s culpability is always going to be a thorny one and would make for a great courtroom drama spinoff. there are a number of factors to consider: jason’s personality, the rough circumstances under which he grew up, his undoubtedly stressful transition to being robin, bruce wayne being... well, bruce wayne, never feeling accepted by the titans and having most of them turn on him, being roundly defeated and almost killed by deathstroke, alfred’s death, a fuckload of ptsd, his violent death, crane’s manipulations, coming back to life, crane plying him with a drug. but there is no easy line to draw between any of these factors to his actions. i think it would be a disservice to jason’s character to attribute his actions entirely to these things and rather irresponsible to do so. i think jason has to reckon with the fact that when he took crane’s drug, he wasn’t reckless and chaotic like the thugs he gave it to; the planning that went into hank’s death was meticulous and the way hank died--dawn essentially tricked into pulling the trigger that blew her lover into bits--is so drawn out and cruel. 

5.75. it’s occurring to me that crane might have given jason a placebo. maybe jason’s dependence is psychological, and he’s externalised his fears in such a way that he believes crane’s drugs literally wipe them out, however temporarily.

in any case, the boy needs (more) therapy.

6. “he walked like robin...” fuck, tim

“gait recognition sweep” god, this show. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry. hey, once we’re done doing this gait recognition thingy, can we get a goddamn plumber in the house??? or move the commissioner’s desk so that sewage water isn’t dripping on her head or the million dollar touchscreen desk???????

6.5. oh no dick!!!!!! i am delighted that you got hurt but i feel ashamed about it! that looked like it really hurt!

he’s really not having a good time of it, is he. from being shot by a sniper to slamming at full speed into an suv, he’s got to be really fucking battered by now. and that’s just the physical side of it.

“can you believe that just over a week ago i was sitting in san francisco eating cauliflower crust pizza and feeling good about myself for the first time in five years...”

7. kory’s having visions again! now that she’s figured what they are, do you think the show’s just dropped justin? it’s curious that HPG hasn’t been brought up in a while after featuring relatively heavily in the beginning. hmmm.

8. dick’s in hospital but... he looks remarkably whole for someone who took a spill like that. you’d think he’d at least have a bruise to show for it. on the other hand, i love that the first thing he says is ‘i need to call home’. reminds me of season 1 dick and his clumsy attempts to explain away his found family as an ‘alliance of necessity’ or some bullshit. what a long way he’s come!

*gasp* dick’s hallucinating again!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m doing the dick’s hallucinating dance! can you believe that we’re carrying over these huge honking issues unearthed in season 2 onto season 3? can you believe?!!! all that time and effort i spent talking about dick’s mental health from last season has not gone in vain!!

... ahem. anyway. more on this later.

“hold on barbara, i think kory gave me the number to this therapist that she kept calling Hot Psychiatrist Guy...”

9. just an interlude to say that i’m barely halfway through the episode and i’ve already written 2k+ words... ugh. i’m going to try and be more concise.

10. man i fuckin love it when titans goes all out with its weird mindscapes and i’m extra glad that kory’s the focus this time. is that baby kom or maybe a secret sibling that neither of them knew about? was that lady luand’r? and is this place where kory was circling where the secret sibling is? it’s all very intriguing. 

(if justin turned out to be that sibling... we’ve a real luke/leia situation on our hands.)

11. aw, i knew that nice security guard was going to die, but it still hurt to see him go :(

12. this show is so bizarre. like i get the mindscape as a narrative device, but jason using sex workers to try and vocalise his guilt about killing hank was just weird. like. i have to use tamil, sorry: idhulaan yaaru pa room pottu yosikara??? some things just can’t be translated into a second language.

i guess one way to interpret jason’s reckoning with what he did to the titans as a sign of him coming off crane’s drug, but i think it’s more to do with the disillusionment of realising that he was a mere pawn in a more sinister plan, and not, as he thought, a player in control of his destiny, rising to the purpose of liberating gotham of its fears in a way batman never could. along the way, he’s done some truly irreversible damage. it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

13. another hallucination! it’s really intriguing that it’s a young dick(?), younger than we’ve ever seen him, wearing an early-era robin costume from way before he even became robin. (this is also interesting in that it gives credence to the idea that ‘robin’ is an identity that dick created entirely on his own, and as a possible homage to his family.)

“old road, old house... it’s all gone.” i wonder what it all means.

13.5. it’s entirely likely dick’s hallucinating because of a brain injury from the accident, though just hallucinations without any other focal neurological deficit is unusual. he might’ve been microdosed with fear toxin at some point, though i wonder when... did jason do so after dick’s accident? did he get dosed at the factory from last episode? 

it’s also possible it’s a continuing manifestation of dick’s issues from last season--which, if you remember, he never told anyone about and therefore never properly addressed. maybe he was hallucinating bruce wayne in a psychotic episode accompanying an acute stress reaction and maybe that’s what’s happening now. nobody’s denying that he’s under an extraordinary amount of stress right now. another way to look at it is that this is how he externalises conflict that he can’t bear to suppress anymore; if in s2 halluci!bruce manifested his insecurities and self-loathing, then these hallucinations... something to do with his fears, no doubt.

yet ANOTHER way to look at it might be: rachel is reaching out to him through their, well, psychic bond. after all, they were able to use that bond unconsciously last season to get the titans back together; maybe rachel has learned to gain a degree of control over it in themyscira and is sending across warnings? it’s all very intriguing.

anyway:

“i hear you skipped over the discowing suit in your evolution to nightwing... how could you??”

14. can you imagine, gar did all the work of reaching out to jason via molly and jason wants to meet dick? smh.

14.5. “i’m just a regular guy doing regular things” he says, standing at the opening of a secret old tunnel, like a secret person doing secret things, confronting someone who can now officially be called his stalker. neither of you guys are ‘regular’

14.8. ‘my dad was a cop and he taught me how to investigate’ - hmmm. i guess they’re trying to Explain Tim but i don’t think that’s really necessary. so he’s smart and he’s obsessed with batman and robin--that should be enough, imo. 

15. that scene with scarecrow and his mother was... wow. i’m just laughing here helplessly, because what the hell? for a while i thought it was an extended dream sequence and i’m still not entirely sure that it isn’t...

anyway. i still love that titans is happy to throw out its plot in favour of extended character-exploration sessions.

15.5. it seems to me that this scene with crane and his mother (i have no idea if there’s anything in the comics similar to this) serves to move forward this season’s theme of harmful legacies and how parents can damage their children in the name of their mission. in a way it’s been the underlying message of the entire show but we’re really seeing it being reinforced this season. the titans, serving as a foil to scarecrow, are using the damage to rebuild themselves and actually work through their issues together, instead of spiralling further and further into the morass of their issues.

other than that... god, that scene was painful to watch. i can’t say i like this version of scarecrow or how this actor plays him at all.

16. i wonder what’s jason’s play here. i think he’s smart enough to realise that the titans aren’t going to just forgive him and let him be a titan again after what he did, and that dick agreeing to it is just a bid to pin both him and crane down. maybe it’s a ploy to trap them, get back on scarecrow’s good books so that he can have the drug again. who knows.

17. i absolutely felt dick when he said “we’ll bring him in and then re-assess the situation.” what the fuck else is he going to say? the priority is to get him.

so kory and dick are both hallucinating while potentially trying to rehabilitate their murderous siblings. CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER ALREADY

18. TIM NOOOO! you beautiful, reckless fool!

18.25. just to quickly address it here because i know it’s been brought up before: i think it’s perfectly justified to not have conner take tim to the hospital via superspeed because a) i don’t think we’ve seen conner do that with anybody so far and b) it’s probably not a good idea to submit tim’s body to that kind of stress without knowing what it would do to him. the paramedics with actual equipment and experience would be there in a few minutes, so on a risk assessment, i would say dick and conner absolutely made the right call.

18.5. i guess we won’t know what jason really intended to when the titans came to the pump to see him, but this is definitely going to set a big wedge in his relationship with crane. then again, crane got what he wanted--using starfire’s powers to blast through to the underground pipes--so jason can argue that this is exactly what he was working towards, too. 

anyway, mortal peril, hallucinations, murderous family members, creepy visions and robins sprouting left and right. time to get rachel and donna on the scene, i think.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #garfield logan #dick grayson #koriand'r #jason todd #tim drake #jonathan crane #conner kent #komand'r #aaaaah this is 3k+ #*collapses in a heap*

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

------

anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

------

(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

------

and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

#omniscient reader #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kim dokja #fanart #kdj happiness rights! #protect him! #let! him! have his big house! with everyone! he loves! #please! #long ass emotional screeching #look i can't do him justice with drawing but hell can i yell out my love for him :'^DD