#All the butches I see were tomboys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

total-drama-takes-the-squeakquel · 2 months

Note

As a young tomboy who was so insecure as to “why couldn’t I be feminine like the other women around me? Is there something wrong with me for not liking makeup or being GNC?”, seeing Jo helped me so fucking much with embracing my gender nonconformity as a girl. And seeing another woman who struggled with hard internalized misogyny and hated being told she looked like a man or was a man because of how she looked, it really made me feel seen and helped me get over my own insecurities. I was struggling so bad for a while that I thought because I wasn’t girly or feminine that that must’ve been I was a boy this whole time. And then just seeing Jo and how butchy and tomboyish she was allowed to be while still having body issues and struggling to fit in with the women around her really helped me so damn much to get over my own insecurities, and I feel so much fucking better just calling myself a tomboy and allowing myself to “look like a man” without that making me one. And it made me feel so much more comfortable wearing clothes that made me feel more comfortable, which happened to masculine, because there’s no way a woman is supposed to dress. And if I don’t want to wear dresses or skirts or wear makeup, that didn’t make me a man. Jo was a really really important character for me to see growing up as a young tomboy, and she’s still important to me even if that sounds dumb.

This is just to me but seeing anyone call her a trans man or transcoded seems like such a kick in the ass and misses the entire point of her character. She’s a masculine woman who’s insecure about the fact that she’s not feminine. She doesn’t want to be feminine but she does want to feel pretty because so many woman are conditioned to think that male validation is the end all be all. That scene where she put on the makeup in ep6 was suchhh a thing. And her insecurities over having body hair (and probably facial hair too) was so fucking relatable to see. She was a tomboy in a cast full of girls who were all feminine and she resents other women for being feminine because she’s projecting her own insecurities onto the women around her. Jo has terrible internalized misogyny. And seeing anyone say that’s gender dysphoria or that she’s transcoded because of it is sooo… it seems like it’s in poor taste. “Tomboy in denial phase” leave such a bad taste in my mouth. The way she does or does not want to dress doesn’t make her any less or a girl or any more of one. The doesn’t want to be misgendered by Lightning because it makes her insecurities about her femininity and how she looks so much worse. Nobody needs to be reminded she’s a girl BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS SHE IS ONE. If anything, if she were a trans boy, wouldn’t that be validating all her misogyny? She’d go from a girl struggling with beauty standards and her femininity to just another misogynistic guy. Making her a trans boy would make her go from the GNC woman she is to a gender conforming man. It’s not doing what you think it’s doing. Jo is probably one of the most masculine women TD’s ever had and I think she’s an important character. She’s defiantly an important character to me since I had zero butches or tomboys to look up to in my life and it made me feel so othered.

This rant got a little personal but yeah. I just think the trans man jo headcanon is in poor taste. It makes her go from a highly GNC woman to a highly gender conforming man and it feelsss weird. Esp considering the gender imbalance in ROTI in the first place and making her a man makes it 5 girls and 8 guys. Yuckkk and we don’t need anymore guys!! But at the end of the day I don’t like to get too butthurt about it. It’s not canon and it’s the only trans headcanon I rlly dislike tbh. Umm anyway yeah!!! I love butches and tomboys and GNC woman and I love women!! Jo is one of the best representations of GNC women who still have their insecurities and I love her for that. I love Jo and tbh she’s probably the only TD character I actually care about. This was cheesy but yeah. This blog might have a problem with long rants about Jo but I’m gonna contribute to this problem anyway because she should be talked about more

#long post #total drama #jo td

107 notes · View notes

cowboyjen68 · 4 months

Note

Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

#butch #lesbian #family #unwanted opinions of family

135 notes · View notes

headspace-hotel · 1 year

Note

hi, so i do have a question regarding trans people- i completely support trans people and people should have the right to do whatever they want to as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and i would never side with those who try to take away someone's autonomy. that being said, why do people want to be the specific genders(men, women)- what exactly does one feel? is it identifying with gender stereotypes? wanting the other kind of body? i can understand why someone would want to be enby, but can't seem to understand specific reasons why people would want to be transmasc or transfem etc. i've read posts before where people have wanted to be women/men because of gender stereotypes- they wanted to play with dolls/liked feminine/masculine colors/clothes etc. but it's obviously something that shouldn't be stereotyped against and anyone should be allowed to play/like anything they want to, whether it's feminine or masculine. so what exactly is it that makes people want to be either? again, though even if i didn't understand why someone else felt that way, i fully support them.

I'm not even transgender in any flavor so I'm not the best person to ask, but I'm pretty sure the answer is going to be individual for every person.

I think like, the larger society has latched onto the narrative of "I always wanted to play with 'girl' toys and do 'girly' things" because that's what makes sense to a cisgender audience in a culture where behavior and clothing and toys are very obviously gendered.

But that's not, like, what "makes" someone transgender—it's a way of explaining it.

I mean, okay, maybe I can talk about this a little. I'm a cis woman. I've thought about it! I like being female, it feels comfortable to me, and experimentally imagining anything else feels...bad.

This has nothing to do with gender stereotypes—I don't shave, I don't wear makeup, I usually cut my hair super-short, I'll wear my brothers' clothes if I like them, I always actively hated the "girl" toys as a kid (though I was never labeled a 'tomboy'—I feel like autism overpowered any specific gendered label that would otherwise apply to me, for complicated reasons. I was a Weird kid). It's just...I don't know. It's nice when one of my friends in chat in a game i'm playing calls me "she"—like hell yeah! Your mental concept of me is a girl :D

If anything, I started to feel more "woman" when I started dressing and styling more masculine—it was actually seeing pictures of butch lesbians online that made me see an image of myself I liked for the first time. I wanted to be a woman who's like a guy at the auto parts store.

I think some people just have no internal sense at all about their gender, and some of these people probably ID as non-binary, and some of these people probably just identify with whatever they were assigned because that's what's convenient. There are no wrong answers here, right?

And some people have a really strong unwavering internal sense about it, and it's not exactly able to be distilled down to feelings about your body or clothes or interests or whatever, but it exists. I know that I "feel" like a woman even though I couldn't say why. It's somewhere in between "this feels accurate" and "this feels nice."

#random #gender

355 notes · View notes

radfemnotfemme · 6 days

Note

Hi! I see you're a radblr and a lesbian, which is great, because I'm trying to understand something but I feel like I'm biased (I'm hetero) and can't see the lesbian perspective properly. I'd like to ask this to my irl lesbian friend but I'm too afraid of sounding rude. I hope you can help me understand better!

So. Let's forget about personality (which is the most important thing for sure) for a second and let's talk about physical attraction only. Lesbians like women. Lesbians do not like men. So it's reasonable to assume they are attracted to the female body characteristics which differ from the male body (like breasts, large hips, female genitals, etc) just like hetero men are. Ideally, the more feminine the trait, the more attractive it should be, right?

So, why are many lesbians attracted to the 'butch' type? From my (biased) perspective, butches are like tomboys, so they seem to want to appear less traditionally feminine (example: short hair - not a male characteristic per se, but it is associated to men because most men have short hair; we could discuss this theoretically, but the social bias is undeniable and no one can escape it). Butches share many characteristics (like style, mannerism, etc) with men, to which lesbians should not attracted. But this is disproven by evidence, since many lesbians like butches! Help. I'm terribly confused.

Hi there, thanks for the question! You mentioned that you understand that lesbians are attracted to female body characteristics (such as breasts, wider hips, female genitals.) A woman has these female characteristics regardless if they’re butch or femme. Butch women may be masculine on the outside appearance or through personality, but at the end of the day they have female sex traits that those who are only attracted to males would not find attractive in any capacity. Butches may try to “hide” these bodily female characteristics, but when in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone you’re going to see what their body actually looks like. Short answer is: butches are females, men are males. It’s entirely possible to be attracted to masculinity but find male sex traits (such as no breasts, deep voice, beards, or penis) revolting or not attractive. Straight women who are attracted to feminine men are not homoSEXuals because of this, just as a lesbian isn’t heteroSEXual for liking butches. Same stuff for masculine gay men who attracted to feminine gay men.

You said “Ideally the more feminine the trait, the more attractive it should be?” which I disagree with. Femininity and female have no correlation at its core, as one is of a biological basis and the other is of a societal basis (though they tend to align, I believe masculinity is the natural state of all people anyways and girls are socialized to be very feminine.) ‘The more female a trait, the more attractive it should be to a lesbian’ is a better phrase, but femaleness comes in all sorts of appearance so it doesn’t really indicate anything or make much sense. You brought up short hair as an example of the similarities between men & butches, which i will agree on, but once again, this doesn’t erase the simple biological difference between a man and a butch. I actually happen to be a butch in a relationship with a femme, so i’m going to offer both my viewpoint, and hers:

As a butch who’s generally only attracted to femmes, I used to not be attracted to masculine women or butches. I still am not for the most part. It took a lot of unpacking internalized homophobia & heteronormative social standards for me to understand why. Everyone is raised to believe that the masculine belongs with the feminine as a child, and gay children are not exceptions to this. I think it’s been ingrained in me since a child that the type of person I should be attracted to is a feminine person. I’ve known since childhood that I was not feminine in the way my female peers were, as I’ve always been pretty masculine. When in elementary and early middle school, the boys I “liked” have all turned out to be feminine gay men (lol.) I never really was attracted to these boys of course, but I was attracted to femininity in females and it was the best I thought I could get. I thought that since I had to be with a boy, I would logically just be with a feminine one. When I understood that being lesbian was an option, I never looked back. It’s hard for me to unpack that me being attracted to a masculine woman isn’t me being attracted to a man, and I know this subconsciously is why I say i’m not attracted to butches much at all. I could possibly be attracted to a butch, but i think socialization has its claws gripped into me (and also just a mix of the fact that femininity is my personal preference in a lady.)

I asked my femme girlfriend her thoughts on this, and this is a summarized version of what she had to say (she thought I was asking about myself):

“[A butch] may be mistaken for a man, or be read as a man at first glance, but when you take a closer look it’s undeniable that you’re a woman. Your eyes are beautiful and feminine, you have a gorgeous feminine body & chest. Your hands are soft, small, & delicate (and no i’m not trying to poke fun at your insecurity i’m being serious) When you smile it’s even more obvious that you’re a woman. I am attracted to your masculinity of course, I love that you have muscles, the way you dress, [redacted personal hobbies], your short hair, how in control/dominant you are. I also love your curves, your soft voice, and smooth skin. & you don’t have the personality of a man, you just pick up hobbies and mannerisms most women are afraid will make them appear “manly.” You actually convinced me to start doing [redacted personal hobby] that i never even considered before because I thought of it as something that boys or men do and now I really enjoy it.”

Sorry if this is a bit of a word vomit or not comprehendible, but i wanted to explain as best as I could lol

#rad fem #radical feminism #radblr #female separatism #terfblr #terfsafe #gender critical #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do interact #radical lesbian

29 notes · View notes

androgynealienfemme · 9 months

Text

"I was barely a dyke then, let alone butch, but it was the lure of female masculinity that drew me out and into the queer world. When I was coming out, butch was no longer new. There was both popular knowledge and an underground cultural understanding of what it meant to be butch -- and there were books written from both perspectives. I may not have known it intimately, as a late-blooming queer who grew up in an extremely straight southern-US town, but I knew enough to feel self-conscious about claiming butchness.

You see, I was never a tomboy. There, I said it. I was never a goddamn tomboy; I never resisted the dresses my mom wanted me to wear, never hid in my dad's closet trying on his clothes. I did gender conformity without any real fight, and when I came out to my mom, she used it against me-- "But you were always so feminine!"

Maybe I didn't have the fight in me, maybe I wanted to fit in more than I wanted to know myself, but until I was well past twenty, I wore my hair long, with earrings dangling, and makeup on my face. I wore spaghetti-strap tank tops and flowing skirts. I flaunted my cleavage.

The butch narrative I had absorbed, the one I began to furtively read about as I came out, wasn't mine. I wasn't a rough-and-tumblr butch kid, all scabby knees and hardness, fighting against mom over Sunday dresses. I wasn't good at sports, didn't have trouble being friends with girls, didn't feel more "boy" than "girl." So when I slowly started easing towards the masculine side of the spectrum, I was self-conscious as hell. I felt like an imposter. I felt like a phony. I had similar feelings when I came out as a lesbian, but my fantasies about women quickly assuaged my fears of being a queer fraud.

With my gender presentation, I couldn't get over the feeling that I was trying too hard. Even as I slowly shed the layers of femininity in my presentation, the self-consciousness still affected what labels I used. I knew what butch was, and I still felt it couldn't be me. I had dated me. I wore a pink dress to prom. I was short and chubby and more giggly than tough.

It was a fierce femme who bossy-bottomed me into the role of butch top. It was easy to be the butch to C's femme, and she delighted in my enjoyment of her high hells, pretty dresses, and makeup. In those moments, when my insecurity was stronger than my sense of self, the contrast between my budding masculinity and her strong, well-articulated femininity were just what I needed to feel whole, strong, even butch. C didn't change me, exactly, but our gender-play heavy sex gave me room to figure out what my gender could look like in those private spaces we shared."

“Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme: Coming Back Around to Butch” by Miriam Zoila Perez, On Butch and Femme: Compiled Readings, (edited by I.M. Epstein) (2017)

#persistence: all the ways butch and femme #Miriam Zoila Perez #on butch and femme: compiled readings #on butch and femme #butch lit #femme lit #lesbian lit #lesbian #lesbianism #butch and femme #femme 4 butch #lgbt #lgbtq+ lit

118 notes · View notes

scribbledghost · 16 days

Note

Hello there!! I just wanted to gush about the NSFW Fem!Simon alphabet, because it was so awesome!! I'm infatuated with the whole piece, but if I had to pick my favorite letters they were probably A (for Aftercare), F (for favorite position), and Z (for snoozing afterwards.) I really find it interesting how, despite the topic being steamy, there's still some areas to dive more into fem!Simon's character (like, i.e., her becoming less sexually active after her experience in Mexico.) I find it super cool how you're able to give us a peek into her character from a more unique perspective, in this case with fem!Simon's dynamic with sex.

And then, there was something I was curious about. If I can phrase my thought correctly, it's my curiosity on what fem!Simon might have in common with canon!Simon, as well as what differs between them. For example, while rereading the fem!Simon works, I was going through the one about her first kiss with reader (which I'll link here because it's super stinking cute and sweet: https://scribbledghost.tumblr.com/post/746033214969315328/omg-i-love-mas-muscled-and-im-literally-so-in)

There's a couple of lines there that would be really fitting with canon!Simon's devotion towards reader. Like, for example: "Hell, she’d walk outside, lie face-down in the water, and let you tread on her back all the way to the truck if you asked her to. But that’s a different matter." And, additionally: "For a moment, she contemplates telling you the truth - that she likes holding you, likes taking care of you, and likes showing off her strength (purely because she knows you like her showing off) - but she reconsiders."

But then, there's the blurb you did about fem!Simon being ecstatic about reader calling her wife. And, in the tags, you were talking about how canon!Simon would be allergic to marriage for a few years while fem!Simon is more eager. So, I'm just curious, how similar do you think fem!Simon is to canon!Simon? And what are some key differences between them?

(I also apologize for A) making this a mini-essay with the length and B) any mistakes... I'm sleep deprived and typing this at 5:00 in the morning so it's probably not my most coherent ask lol.)

okay, i am super sorry it's taken me so long to answer this! I've been super busy while on vacation this week, but I've finally got some downtime and I've been thinking about this ask since I got it. so here we go!

First, I'm so glad to hear you like the smut alphabet! It was super fun to write (and I promise I'm still working on that SFW version). I love digging into characters' personalities and stories, so those alphabet memes are perfect for that. For Fem!Simon's relationship with sex, I headcanon her as being incredibly closeted until maybe her early 20s due to her upbringing (her father was super abusive, and she's always been a tomboy even before coming to terms with being a butch lesbian, so there was plenty of homophobia coming from her dad too). From there, she had a few flings, but after she was tortured and assaulted in Mexico, she stopped all of that. I know sexual trauma can also manifest in hypersexuality, but I just don't see it happening that way for Simon. Instead I see her withdrawing from it completely for a while (until she meets you).

As for similarities and differences between Fem!Simon and Canon Simon, I'd honestly see them as mostly similar. For example, they're both incredibly loyal and devoted once you get past their emotional walls, like you mentioned with the quotes from the first kiss blurb for Fem!Simon. They've largely got the same backstory, with the only alterations being in how their sexualities shaped them differently. Her personality is largely the same as well - stern, blunt, and has no problem with being mean when the situation calls for it.

For differences, I think Fem!Simon is only slightly (and I mean VERY slightly) more open than canon Simon is. She's still incredibly stoic, cold, and closed-off if she doesn't know you well, but if she's romantically interested in you, she'll make her move a bit sooner than canon Simon would. She still takes time to feel you out, so to speak. She keeps an eye on you, takes mental notes of your mannerisms and how you handle certain situations to make sure you're compatible. She's analytical, just like canon Simon. But once she's sure, she's sure.

And as far as marriage goes, she's more open to it than canon Simon is purely because it was illegal for most of her life (same-sex marriage didn't become legalized in the UK until 2014). So even once she'd come to terms with her being a lesbian, there was a decent amount of time where she wouldn't have been allowed to marry anyway, so it was... idk, "safer for her to want it", I suppose. Now that it's legal, she's already moved past her mental blocks on the issue.

I think those are the more obvious differences between Fem!Simon and Canon!Simon? Largely, I think everything else is either mostly or completely the same between the two.

Again, thank you SO MUCH for this ask and for letting me dive more into Fem!Simon's personality!! I appreciate it a lot 💖💖💖

#fem simon #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #ghost x reader #ghost scribbles

25 notes · View notes

leikeliscomet · 3 months

Text

A Brief Look at Stem(me) History

Wanted to know more about Black lesbian identities and I couldn't find a lot on Tumblr or Twitter so I did some research on stem/stemme myself. I'm not involved in queer discourse like that but I've noticed stemme being compared with futch both positively an negatively. The term "futch" is a mash up of butch and femme and the OG Futch Scale was posted 17th February 2011. In 2015, it got posted to Tumblr and became a meme, then an accidental "guide" on lesbian identity. Regardless of stances pro-futch or anti-futch I wanted to find info on stem/stemme as a Black lesbian identity for gender and gender expression. The modern definition of a stem/stemme is a Black lesbian whose gender expression and mannerisms fall between stud and femme. I've managed to find definitions not only supporting this but also definitions predating the futch scale, both pre and post meme version:

"Stem – A person whose gender expression falls somewhere between a stud and a femme. (See also ‘Femme’ and ‘Stud’.)" Stud is defined as "An African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’." (John Jay College of Criminal Justice LGBTQ+ Terminology, Eli R. Green, 2003-2004)

"Stemm A stemm is a gay/lesbian female who dresses like a guy, and dresses like a girl. Person 1: Look at that girl, she looks like a dude with all those guy clothes on, she has to be a stud Person 2: Well she was wearing girly clothes yesterday, so I thought she was a femm Person 3: Actually she's a stemm, she's wears boy clothes sometimes, and girl clothes other times" (Urban Dictionary definition of Stemm by user JenniferHill, November 8th 2009)

"A lesbian, who identifies as a Stemme, retains traits from both Femme and Stud/ Butch lesbians. Stemmes are in the center of the lesbian spectrum of classification and identities. Therefore, it is considered natural or common for Stemme lesbians to share the same behaviors as women of two diverse identity groups. Often times, the Stemme identity is viewed as the “transitional” stage of lesbianism, when a lesbian woman goes from being a Femme to a Stud/ Butch, or (on rear occasions) from a Stud/ Butch to a Femme... *In this blog the characteristic and behavioral difference between a Femme and a Stud is conjoined. The way a Femme or a Stud dresses is not the only way she can be identified. They can also be distinguished by their attitudes, actions and the way they interact with other people. A Stemme is the in-between identity of a Stud and Femme. She is apart of both groups and her identity is subject to change at anytime. A Stemme identity is often referred to as the transitional stage; however, some lesbian women remain a Stemme because they enjoy representing male and female dominance." (Lesbian Identity: Stemme, Nell S., 6th Nov 2009)

"'one who could switch up one day, she could be a femme and other occasions dress like she has a li’l hood, li’l ghetto inside her; a stemme – part femme part stud a tomboy'" (STORY OF INTEREST: Lesbian Speaks Out, Dominica News Online, April 12th 2010)

"Stemmes presented themselves one day as femme and another day as stud; as such, they were visibly unrecognisable unless they divulged their gender identity. Stemmes expose the amorphous nature of gender identity and are invisible – silenced, ostracised or prescribed a gender identity. Many participants refused to recognise that stemmes existed and instead described them as confused. As Shane (age 22) admitted: ‘Sometimes they [studs and femmes] think that we’re confused. We don’t know what we want to be.’ Stemmes show that personal identity claims were often at odds with community perceptions of identity." (Good gay females and babies' daddies: Black lesbian community norms and the acceptability of pregnancy, Sarah J. Reed, Robin Lin Miller, Maria T. Valenti & Tina M. Timm, 21st April 2011)

"Stem, described as a cross between or combination of stud and femme, is a label that was used to refer to a lesbian that presented both masculine and feminine traits and characteristics. Short Dawg said, 'A stem, for me, is a little mixture of a lot of different things. One day you can be super feminine, and the next day you can be not so feminine.'" (Labelling, Butch, Femme Dyke Or Lipstick, Aren't All Lesbians The Same?: An Exploration Of Labels And "Looks" Among Lesbians In The U.S. South, Danielle Kerr, 2013)

Videos

Who has it harder in the world of lesbians? [studs? stems? or fems?}, iRoqStarStemme, 10th Jan 2011

WTH is a STEM??, AmbersCloset, 1st Feb 2013

The Black Lesbian Handbook: The Stem, Channel 4, 9th Feb 2015

There's a lot more I found and I'll post each article and video separately because they all go into more detail but tl;dr;

Stem(me) is an identity coined by Black lesbian spaces

Stem(me) mainly follows stud/femme dynamics rather than butch/femme (but can reference it)

Stem(me) predates the futch scale meme

Stem(me) is defined by clothing but also behaviours, so it can be a form of Black gender expression or gender itself

#lesbian #black lesbian #black sapphic #black queer women #black lesbian history #stemme lesbian #stemme #black wlw #lesbian history #sapphic history #wlw history #stem lesbian #stud lesbian #masc lesbian #chapstick lesbian #stud fem #stud femme

36 notes · View notes

fizzy-tizzy · 26 days

Text

Headcanons for all the survivors gender/sexuality

Wilson- Just Kinda decided he was gonna be a boy when he was like 8 and his dad was so desperate for an heir that didn’t want him dead to rights he just kinda let it happen. would fuck anyone but at the same time is not interested at all

Willow- Butch-ish but more in a tomboy kinda way. genuinely likes wearing skirts and more feminine clothing but doesn’t really think she deserves to? if that makes sense? (She doesn’t really feel like a genuine legit girl) hardcore lesbian.

Wolfgang- Very traditionally masculine but in the “My job is to protect and take care of everyone” and not the “im a man so I can do whatever I want” type way. Gay but could totally be in a lavender relationship/marriage and have no problems w/ it

WX-78- Born a cis female, figured out early on that wasn’t right but couldn’t change it until they were an adult. Transed their gender but then figured out being a male wasn’t right either. eventually found someone who felt similarly and abandoned their flesh for the machine. solidly aroace. they’re triple a (agender, asexual, aromantic) just like batteries

Wickerbottom- cis female and “traditionally” feminine, has never felt the need to explore or question it. Used to be married to a man who was secretly gay and looking for someone similarly emotionally unavailable. He has since passed but left wicker a small fortune so. alls well that ends well ig

Wes- kind of a stereotypical femme twink. The kinda gay whos loud and proud and will hit you with a brick if you have a problem with that. feels obligated to help the others try and figure themselves out- esp the ones who are more in denial abt it

Maxwell- I think the idea that max is trans and Jack is cis and they turned out looking the exact same is hilarious. Technically the only ppl who knows he’s trans are jack and charlie- their parents just think he’s a masculine woman and everyone else knows him as a man. Bi and so so weak for bears and gently bossy women.

Wendy- Non-binary but still in the process of realizing it. Does not give a single shit abt romance but would totally be qpp with Webber once they know what that means.

Woodie- Probably Not Cis but has too much religious trauma to even dare questioning himself. He’s like JUST accepted the fact that he’s gay (still thinks hes going straight to hell but we’re working on that) so ynknow baby steps. baby steps. Deffo has a shit ton of body dysphoria due to the wereforms tho

Webber- Since spiders work a lil different in the constant (probably more like bees) there are like three genders Webber could potentially see themselves as. Drone, warrior, and queen. During his childhood he thinks of himself mostly as a drone but as he gets older and his sway over the spiders increases they’ll shift into seeing themselves as more of a queen. But other that he’s pretty much whatever non-spider gender is most convenient. Definitely bi.

Wigfrid- her gender is… strange. What she outwardly presents is her character’s way of presenting herself so ig I see her as kinda fluid? Idk valiant-valkyrie if ur reading this you can probably do a better job of explaining it. you are the defacto wigfrid authority. Definitely lesbian but once again will do whatever the role requires

Winona- Solidly butch lesbian. Definitely a caretaker and a protector but in the butch kinda way and not the femme kinda way. if that makes sense.

Wurt- Butch but hasn’t really realized it yet. does not think human genders apply to her bcs she’s a merm and will 100% be king when she grows up. baby lesbiab. her and wilba’s eventual union shall bring peace to the pig/merm kingdoms once and for all

Wortox- human genders do not apply to him. They are whatever is most convenient at the time. Fluid like loki and bugs bunny.

Walter- if xenogenders existed back then he would totally be like pupgender/buggender. Non-binary but has no problem being called a boy/man. Would be fine with any prns but people have only ever used he/him for him. Probably going to be a monsterf*cker when he grows up.

Wormwood- He is plant. Plants have sexes but no genders and wormwood is intersex anyway but they kinda just chose the first option presented to him once he found the others. Loves all but has absolutely no interest or idea about non-plant reproductive activities.

Walani- Yknow that “as a girl who’s a gross dude men who are fancy ladies are my best friends”? Yeah that’s her and Warly. she’s the emotional support golden retriever to warly’s high-strung cheetah. Lesbian but like. endearingly loser lesbian who’s only ever smooth when she’s not trying to be.

Warly- as mentioned before he is very much a guy who is a fancy lady. Would probably do drag if he had the chance and would 100% be the baddest bitch who makes all the men question their sexuality. Gay and european.

Wanda- doesn’t have time for all that gender questioning bullshit she just wants to kiss women.

Wheeler- Solid futch, leans more feminine or masculine depending on the situation. Woman-leaning bisexual, has probably fucked someone wife and inadvertently caused a divorce.

Woodlegs- pretty solidly cis male but 100% an embarrassing old gay grandpa. Doesn’t know much abt the terminology but is incredibly supportive and was definitely a homewrecker back in the day. Probably got out of at least one arrest by seducing the naval officer meant to bring him in

Wilba- high femme and definitely a baby lesbian. I do really like the idea of her being trans just because why not so why not. She and wurt are fat femme x fat butch once they grow up

Wagstaff- born as a girl but realized he hated it and made attempts to transition early on. Eventually ran away to America to fully transition. Non-binary too but hasn’t realized it yet and just thinks that everyone feels weird when someone calls them mr or sir. men-liker and old man yaoi certified

Wilbur- yes I’m doing the monkey. Gender is a strange concept to him, so he just kinda calls himself male bcs apparently he is? He doesn’t really understand it but it seems to be pretty important in human society so he’ll do it if it means he gets respected as an actual person and not just some sideshow.

22 notes · View notes

up-in-flames-writing · 6 months

Text

This is an old Twitter thread I'm posting here as an archive, when I eventually get banned on there for not tolerating transphobic abuse against me.

Still pretty relevant tho, even tho it was written almost a year & a half ago.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do alt text, so here is the image ID under the cut:

[Image ID: A Twitter thread made by user Booker-Garet Feniks @abookandabun. The thread reads:

So, lately, I've been seeing some Takes™ on transition on here, & as a transman who looks like a baby butch lesbian, I have some Thoughts™, so here's a thread

First thing's first: I am short. I am skinny (read: underweight), & curvy. I have a more or less conventional hourglass figure. I also have a soft face, big lips & big eyes with long lashes. I keep my nails long & my hair long & when I cut them, they grow back fast

By all means, if I were a woman, I would be, if not conventionally attractive, at least conventionally feminine, with my small waist, wide hips, my long legs, & even my tiny tits. Despite this, I dress masculine. I hold myself like a man, I deepen my voice

My voice is naturally a bit deep, but not deep enough for there to be any ambiguity about what's in my pants. I still speak in a fake, deep voice, & when I introduce myself, I do it with a grin & tell everyone very openly 'my name is Booker-Garet'

Despite this, I do not pass. I am constantly Miss'ed & Ma'am'ed when I'm out & about. People who know me need to be told that I'm a man & go by he/him pronouns. Imagine that, imagine calling a teenage boy with an unambiguous male name 'she'. Imagine how I feel

How I feel when none of my efforts matter. How, when I'm at my most masculine while pre-op & pre-T, people see meas nothing more than a girl. It's distressing. I know what they're thinking, that I'm a tomboy or a lesbian. If they recognise that I'm trans, they don't show it

And, I feel like it's easy to get mad at GNC women. It's easy to get mad at the tomboys & the butches & the studs. 'They think I'm you' you might think. 'You're too visible & I'm not, & they think I'm you.'

I find it easy to blame a lot of ciswomen for this. The ones who tell me I should've just stayed a lesbian (which I never was), that I should've just been a tomboy (which I was), that I'm a traitor to womanhood (so be it). It is easy to get mad at them

It's hard being a trans guy, when the only pieces of masculinity coming from a female person people are aware of are the ones who are women, who stay women & who love being women. I didn't love being a woman. I love women, I love my cis & trans sisters

But I can't help feeling bitter when they perform masculinity & no one denies their womanhood, no one on the right side of history. But I can be my most manly self & even my allies feel that I'd just be better off as a lesbian, as a masculine woman.

As if masculinity is alright, is safe, as long as you're a woman who performs it, but the moment you're a man performing masculinity, you're not worth the time, the effort, the brain power.

Almost as I'd it's easier for people to accept me as a masculine woman, with my deep voice & my masculine name, than admit to the fact that I am a man

It's hard to admit that you don't pass. It's hard to admit that I'm not a 'real man', whatever that means. It's not, however, hard to admit that I don't have privilege. It's not hard to admit that I face misogyny.

It's not hard to admit that if you're AFAB & masc presenting, nothing short of a Thor voice & a Gandalf beard, & body hair like a gorilla will make people see you as anything but a woman. Because if I don't say this, who else will? I can't let people live a lie

I can't let people keep on believing that 'transmascs have it easier', that it's easier for us to pass. I can't let people keep believing that we 'run away from womanhood to have male privilege'. Where's my male privilege, Joanne? Did it get lost in the Owl Mail?

People will keep on believing that we have it easier, that we don't face discrimination, that we don't get misgendered & assaulted & killed. They will keep believing that, & they will keep ignoring us & our oppression, unless someone finally says 'Enough!' & tells their story

& I'm a good story teller, so I'm telling you. I don't pass, I wish I did, but I don't. Many of my brothers do not pass. Stop ignoring us just because you think we have it 'easier'. We don't, & your inaction is allowing us to get killed. Do better

End image ID]

#booker speaks #transgender #transphobia #transandrophobia

38 notes · View notes

xxc0mp4ctd1scxx · 4 months

Text

I wish that who uses only "she/her" or "he/him" referring to Mizu kinda get the drip that Mizu isn't neither a man nor a woman.

That whoever is using only one of these pronouns is actually seeing that Mizu is kinda beyond gender shit, and any other category.

So when using those are all in a genderqueer/genderfuck way. When calling them girlfriend or man or bf is in an ironic way.

I really wish I'm not seeing people thinking Mizu is a woman just bc they are AFAB or bc "this trope is ant-women" terf's shit. Cuz I guarantee that Mulan (1998) and Blue Eye Samurai (2023) aren't being feminist in a simple "We Can Do It, too" way, but rather "See, gender roles are stupid and fuck you if you think that genderqueer people don't exist and people are only MAN or WOMAN."

Man, I really hate when people look at a genderqueer story and think only in binary. Adult Mizu could have been a woman if they really were one, cuz the point of they being perseved as a boy was only to be more difficult to find them as a kid, when their mom couldn't protect them with her hands or power, cuz she had none.

I think that when they were in the wife role, they weren't really performing it as a woman, but more like a duty commonly attributed to wife (more like my father being the cook in the house and a really good caretaker who is really considering and cute, and also being the dad figure, when my mom is in the finances business of the house and isn't the best caretaker of all times...) and for they mom respect and consideration, cuz they loved her and wanted to show their love, retributing by marry that guy.

But they were rejected by their mom and their husband, when being their own singular self. When showing they weren't the wife, neither the woman people thought they should be.

Yes, they suit a masc appearance and mannerisms, but it seem dehonest to call them a man. They really don't perform a man image.

Just like non binary transmasc or butches... We aren't really men just bc we are mascs. And we aren't really, by the book, women, solely by the fact we are AFAB.

Why? Cuz it is just like that. Gender isn't the binary we were thought and I wish everyone a really good search and thinking on genderqueer thesis and documents, already documented discussions and a read on "Butch Blues", a watch on "Tomboy", etc.

#blue eye samurai #queer discourse #more like #queer rant #cuz im pissed fearing people are missreading the whole show #just bc Mizu is genderfucking around not giving a single shit about the binary #only doing what makes sense and (i also thinking) better suits and easy theirself in their skin #they wear a binder for fucks sake #it cant be thay they are binary #neither Mulan really was binary to be honest #look at how the movie ended #they weren't shouting “Im a binary woman human being”#they werent denying the improviment on self-realization that they had #also they were seemed to be kinda ok and enjoying it #not like “oh fuck I really hate being in this situation. being persived as a man”#fuck you if you dont agree #by the “but is better to be a men” logic trans women and transfem nonbinary people wouldn't fucking exist #soo fuuuuuck youuuuuu #im really not in to a discussion #this is my statement #not an invitation #if you disagree bc you think those points im criticizing are right #and you also want to talk???#i just want to punch you in the face you fucking transphobe #this is no discussion #and stop invalidating queer people's history. lives and ownselfs #fuck you #mizu

27 notes · View notes

transtalesofdoom · 1 month

Text

Personal experiences with Gender Roles as an AFAB Transmasc

I know not everyone's big on describing yourself with your assigned gender, but for me, it is a pretty significant part of myself and my upbringing specifically. And that's kinda what this post is about.

Growing up as a nonbinary transmasc, there weren't a lot of opportunities for me to have strong feelings about my gender, whether that'd be dysphoria or euphoria.

Presenting masculine-ish as a girl is pretty easy. It's socially very acceptable. We even have a word for it. Tomboy. If there's a non-derogatory version for feminine-presenting boys, I'm not aware of it. I wasn't a full butch tomboy, I kept my hair long and happily wore dresses to special occasions. I also wasn't exposed to particularly strong gender roles. My godfather wore his hair long. My mom being a single mom meant she had to fill the dad role too. My grandparents were equal to each other, even if my grandma was the housewife and my grandpa was the breadwinner - roles that they mostly wrapped up by the time I came around. My gender expression was never about gender, really. It was about convenience. Pants are comfier and allow free movement. Make-up just takes up time in the morning. Flat sneakers are comfier than anything with heels. I wore quite an amount of pink, not by explicit choice, but because they were convenient hand-me-downs. Wearing a pink sweater was more convenient than having to go shopping. Once I got older, I cut my hair short. Also for convenience, of course. (Spoiler: That one wasn't for convenience.) So I didn't really have an opportunity for an "aha" moment when expressing masculinity for the first time. It was just always kinda happening. And it wasn't particularly special. It wasn't like presenting more feminine bothered me, either. No "aha" moments from that side.

I think it's a little more difficult for transmascs to experience and especially identify gender dysphoria. Because growing up female, you're taught over and over that what makes you female is awful, inconvenient, and shameful. Boobs are heavy, painfully sensitive, they get in the way, and give you back problems. Wearing a bra hurts. Not wearing a bra hurts. Bras are expensive, too, but don't you dare show them in public. They're only acceptable in public when they're on poster advertisement models, looking seductively for some reason. When it comes to boobs, no one actually likes having them, but a lot of people enjoy looking at them. There's thousands of jokes about dicks or dick related masturbation. Middle schoolers draw dicks everywhere. It's the height of comedy. You ever see a vulva drawn somewhere? Know a joke or even a euphemism for masturbation involving a vulva/vagina? No, that's taboo. Periods are awful. There are so, so many things I could say here about menstruation, social stigma, pain, and so on. I'm not going to. You've heard it all before, countless times. Of course you hate your period. No one likes their period. There's another whole section I could write about women's role in society as caregivers, about emotional labor, everyday sexism, but you've heard all that as well and the post is long enough already.

Of course you hate being a woman. Being a woman is miserable.

And within this atmosphere, within this external and internalized misogyny, within this misery, how do you differentiate? How do you tell apart dysphoria and the pain of womanhood you've been told is normal? A lot of terfs use this a talking point. They like to claim that trans men are just women who couldn't cope with the misery of the patriarchy. This post isn't about debunking that, but I'd like to briefly go on record and say that they're full of shit. Trans Men are Men. Trans Women are Women.

As someone who hasn't experienced a lot of gender dysphoria or euphoria, this does leave me with the occasional wave of doubt. Are these really trans feelings? Do I just hate being a woman, the way every woman does?

Then I remember that gender is an entirely fake concept and I can do whatever the fuck I want.

11 notes · View notes

cowboyjen68 · 11 months

Note

hi jen i was wondering if this is a common butch experience? do you ever feel that words such as 'girl' or 'lady' don't apply to you / you are uncomfortable being referred to as such? yet you are still a woman?

When I was younger the answer would have been a resounding "YES". I didn't want to be my mom (lady) or the other girls who seemed boy crazy and seemed happy to dumb themselves down to get the attention of adults and boys.

Mom was always saying "try to act more like a lady when you go to school" or "girls don't do that" or "girls aren't loud". Looking back I know she didn't mind her little Tomboy but was trying to protect my social standing among my peers. She, like a good mom, didn't want me to be outcast or picked on.

I was called "young lady" but my Uncles and Aunt and older neighbors and hearing that made my skin crawl. I didn't think of why, I just felt like it was almost an insult.

In retrospect, now that I am older, I realize that I was letting the stigma I had attached to those words affect my feelings about them. Lady was some frumpy old woman in a house dress with curlers or a nicely dressed woman who had on make up and heels to look good for the gentlemen. Girls were petty and prissy, worried about their clothes and hair and were overtly about what boys or adults thought of their appearance. I was exactly NONE Of these things and had zero desire to attempt them. I didn't have a word for butch so I landed on "I am not like other girls".

Now I think so what if some ladies like to be fancy in nice dresses and perfume and some girls like boys and realize that being pleasant can get them attention that is more positive than if they don't care or are stubborn?

I realize that I can be a woman (or a girl when I was younger) and wear cargo pants and hiking boot with horse shit on them. I know that when some young kid says "hi lady, how are you" they might not have any negative ideas in mind. They simply see an older woman and therefore, a lady. And girl was simply what I was before I was old enough to be a woman.

I was allowing my own understanding of how women (girls and older women) were supposed to act to be controlled by the ways I saw society (mostly men but also women) treated women in my life.

Once I was older I took charge of that and treated other women as humans and started to really respect their (our) unique experiences in this world. I wanted to control the narrative of my own life and to not judge other woman and girls by the the treatment of others but on their own merits.

The truth is I understand the negative reaction to those words and I think your emotions towards them are common and ok to have. The more you become confident and have interactions with women of all varieties you will find that you share more in common than the world wants you to believe.

#butch #lesbian #lady #women #girls

352 notes · View notes

klein3ngl · 2 months

Text

THE BITCH; my interpretations

since there’s almost nothing known about her I decided to create some headcanons about her, mostly with her relationship with the Dude.

besides some personal opinions I take from base what is shown in games, movies and such.

pd: this is not really important but since there are a few little mention I warn that I headcanon Dude to have DID (without diagnose) and he’s the same guy in every game.

if instead of a hyphen there’s a star it’s to address DID in Dude (ALSO about that; I don’t have DID myself so all I know is from research I’ve done myself so if there’s something wrong please tell me!).

[ tw // mentions of abusive relationships, sex, use of drug and the usage of the word "maybe" a bit too much ]

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

— Born and raised in Paradise.

— From the outside her family was pretty normal: father, mother and a younger sister. But on the inside it was something else.

— Her father worked a lot and was almost never at home. Since her mother didn’t had a job (or when she got one she got easily fired because of her temper) he did a lot of extra hours.

I think their parents would either fight a lot but still would never get divorced. Maybe they genuinely loved each other and that’s how they were used to speak when angry, so The Bitch really normalized the fights (never went further than screams and discussions, MAYBE some broken object).

— Whatever it was, who always won those fights was her mother (probably her father gave up to humour her so they didn't fight again), and that stuck up with her.

— The Bitch’s mother: “Never get married, it’s one of the worst mistakes you can do”.

That’s why her mother never liked the idea of her marrying Dude, either that or she saw him and went “with him???”.

— Pretty sure her mom loves her and does the best she can to raise her and really never treated her badly, but still she’s pretty much a disaster with everything else (or in general).

That's the main reason why she moved with her at the end of “Apocalypse Weekend”.

— Even before The Bitch and Dude got together, leaving Commander Hardrock pretty hurt, they already couldn’t stand each other, always fighting and annoying the other but not in a “siblings who fight but still love each other” way, like literally fighting.

— I have the feeling that her mother had a preference for her over Commander Hardrock and, assuming “Hardrock” it’s not a nickname, she’s using another surname because really, she despites both of them. Maybe I’m looking a bit too into but MAYBE because she was more tomboy-ish/butch and both The Bitch and their mom were more “feminine” found her kinda weird?

— I also think The Bitch is a bit similar to their mother, both personality and in appearance.

— Anyway, returning with The Bitch, she has narcissistic tendencies and anger issues, either learned of growing up seeing her mother treating her father like that or it's just in her blood.

— Is not really close to her father. He was there but also a bit distant because when he got home he was so tired nobody could move him from the couch.

— Has never gone to therapy and I don’t think she even bothered.

— “Therapy? Are you calling me crazy or what?”

— She didn’t go to university: studying was never really her thing so she took jobs here and there since her late teens. I don’t think she’s really clever or liked to study.

— I also don’t think she was in any category during high school. Not one of the populars but also not one with the weirdos. She just existed, with her friends and not much more.

— She really likes sweets, especially those who have some glazing and such like donuts.

— Meet the Postal Dude after a while he got out of the mental hospital and got married pretty quickly with the bad luck that they were still in their honeymoon phase.

★ P2 was the one in charge, and P1 wasn’t entirely dormant (I think after they got out of the asylum P1 was around for a while yet not really active) and P3 didn’t even existed yet.

★ Honestly both of them had mixed feelings about it. P1 felt something was a bit off but he also craved for that attention and care she showed, winning over that strange feeling. P2 is not as sensitive as P1 can be, but he had to admit he also liked that somebody liked him and damn, she wasn’t bad looking either so…

— I mean, who gets a tattoo with the name of their partner? Too many people, I know. And how many times ends up being a mistake? Pretty usually too (at least from what I’ve seen with my family/friends).

— After that phase ended they realized they pretty quickly they disliked the other and that didn't had a lot in common either.

— I think things went something like this: Dude gets out of the asylum, besides Uncle Dave and recently Champ he doesn’t has nobody else, he meets this woman who’s pretty and the only one who has shown some interest/affection to him (love bombing), he falls from her and well, the rest is history.

In case somebody imagines Dude as an aromantic person (I can see it too, but it’s not my case) I think he has confused love with validation, and the fact that now he’s now in a broken marriage also makes him resentful to her too. If she was a better person, or at least somebody who would treat him decently he wouldn’t feel so bad about it. Maybe a bit uncomfortable, but not to the point to feel like he’s in hell.

I also think that, whatever the case is, Uncle Dave motivated him to take that step thinking it would be good for him somehow (he was so wrong).

★ That’s when P1 went dormant and left P2 alone, not wanting to deal with her and the world in general.

P2, of course, if he wasn't already resentful that he did the same during the time they spend at the asylum, imagine when he disappeared completely this time. He was pretty much angry of trying to deal with his shit, but what else could he do?

After all, he also accepted marrying her too.

— Maybe she also started to date him because she was bored too, or because was the only person who tolerated her (I headcanon Dude as a pretty passive person, not to the point of being a people pleaser, maybe P1 could be but not P2, but still rather shut up and take the shit than fight back, specially at the beginning... sounds familiar?).

— Both really wanted to make it work, really, but with somebody who doesn’t knows her habits are toxic to a relationship (or she’s conscious and doesn’t cares, which makes it worse) and the other one who instead of dumping her stays there since he doesn’t knows any better and isn’t really experienced in relationships (at least from what I think) I don’t really think anything good can come out from there.

— Thinks could also have been something like:

Dude: “I’m mentally ill, literally got out from an asylum”

The Bitch: “It’s okay”

Dude: *show signs of being mentally ill*

The Bitch: “Uh stop? Can you not??”

Aaand that’s another point that I MAYBE, just MAYBE, could have affected in having a more sane relationship. I don’t know about y’all but if I couldn’t express how I feel or what’s bothering me relating to my mental health I would feel pretty bad about it. But hey, just maybe.

— After the wedding and since they live in a trailer maybe they traveled a bit, looking for differect jobs and such (also avoiding paying taxes too) and after some time they move again to Paradise because Dude got a job at RWS.

— They both do drugs together, one of the few moments I think they would be cool with the presence of the other.

— (tw: sex and cheating mentione) Just like in the movie I think that at the end of their relationship she cheated on him, just like in the film. That’s why he catches gonorrhea. And you may ask “and what if he was the one cheating on her?” that's a possibility too, yeah, but gonorrhea symptoms usually appear between the second or seventh day the person has been infected, and in the game we control Dude for the whole week while she stays on the trailer (and locks him out too). Also in the film she’s the one cheating on her.

— [ I’m really sorry if it sounds like I’m trying to defend the Postal Dude TuT it’s really not my intention ]

— Okay here’s another thing that might change the perspective: maybe before they got married he promised her he would change, implying he would take his medicines, the trailer thing was temporary, etc. Maybe he promised her they would have a happy ending, living in a real house, he would get a stable job, etc. But then she sees he’s not doing anything he promised to her. Months pass and he can keep up a job for more than a month or two. He wastes his money on drugs instead of his medicine. She would get tired, and it’s completely normal, that’s when The Bitch became more distant with him, resentful even. She sees herself stuck in a loveless marriage with a guy who’s a disaster and doesn’t love her, that he’s just with her because… sex? Some company? I dunno. There’s when she started to get more aggressive towards him, making Dude do everything since he didn’t do shit on a daily basis.

That’s a possibility too, but since we don’t know a lot of stuff and what we see in her being a bitch (ba-dum tiss) with him in almost every media it can be for both reasons: she was a pain in the ass from the beginning or maybe he’s always been the problem. They both are, that’s for sure, but maybe one of them is more to blame than the other.

But seeing how everybody is tired of her bullshit (her own sister, Dude and Madcow Mike J) and if you play pacifist Dude is literally just a regular guy in a town of crazy people maybe she fucked up a bit more in terms or relationship.

— Even if I think she’s not really a good person Dude is not a saint either (regardless of which Dude are we talking about and/or they way we’re controlling them), actually far from that, but it’s seen that he actually tries during their marriage (maybe because he doesn’t wants to fight with her, maybe because he still feels something for her -which I doubt considering how he reacts to her dumping him in “Paradise Lost”-, I dunno). In the second game he does all those errands for her and even runs away in “Paradise Lost” instead of, I dunno, kill her in the first instance? And the fact that he tried to kill himself instead of killing her by the end of “Postal 2”? Yeah.

— Also, the end of “Paradise Lost”? Where she technically dies? I think both are canon.

What I mean with that is, the normal ending you get is what she told Dude in pure rage, but after a moment where he leaves her behind (in a moment I’ll come back to that in a moment) she’s starting to regret how she treated him. Sure, he’s an ass in a lot of things, but hey he tried a bit at least. And then she has a breakdown.

— Then Madcow MikeJ kills her because, I mean, it wouldn’t be pretty if your new wife was crying about her ex husband. Maybe killing her wasn’t the best solution but what do you want me to say they’re Paradise citizens lol.

— That’s why in “Postal 4: No Regerts” there’s a sign in Edensin that says Mike J has killed his ex wife (or that’s what the wiki says, I haven’t played the fourth game myself haha) and that’s why the Dude asks her younger sister how’s The Bitch doing.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

aaand that’s all for now, I have others for Dude but I think he’s a bit more complex than her because uh, he’s literally the protagonist and The Bitch only appears in 2 games without counting mentions.

I dunno, I tried to show how I view her a bit.

pd 2: not the first time that I write headcanons but the first time posting them, so excuse me if I don’t explain myself really well (or if there are any typos) and uh if I miss characterize any of the character.

please let me know that last part, I would hate that and I think I have a tiny tendency of doing so :’).

#postal headcanons #the bitch postal #postal dude #postal 2 #postal #postal dude headcanons #It's my first time posting headcanons aaa I'm kinda anxious #PLEASE let me know if I miss characterized somebody a bit too much :(#posting this before going to bed so maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and regret every single thing that I said #btw these are just my interpretations #i genuinely tried

14 notes · View notes

kimwexlers-brownhair · 3 months

Note

Hello Kim ! I love that you're a Sansa fan, I was wondering what your favourite Sansa quote is? And why do you think she is so hated compared to characters like Jon, Dany, Arya, etc ? Thank you xx

Thank you for asking about my favorite child! It's hard to narrow down a quote as my absolute favorite. I love it whenever she's sneaky about manipulating idiots like Joffrey without ever dropping her armor of courtesy. "He is a fool, you're so clever to see it! He'd make a much better fool than a knight" about Hollard, and "“They say my brother Robb always goes where the fighting is thickest. Though he's older than Your Grace, to be sure. A man grown” are perfect examples.

They're also examples of why so many fans dislike her. She's too subtle for them, and too nuanced (maybe the most nuanced character in the series?). The dislike started when she was framed in the very beginning as Arya's foil, when her motives were easy to read: marry the prince and live like in romantic stories of chivalry. Now we're all obviously supposed to be frustrated with her, as we would be if our little sister or daughter fell for such an obvious douchebag but had a head too full of fairy tales to listen to reason. That frustration doesn't mean we hate them; in fact, it's usually so frustrating because you love the little twits. Yet because Sansa was set up as a foil to Arya, the underdog tomboy to cheer for, most viewers projected those affectionate feelings onto her and Sansa was left as the antagonist.

In season 2, we get nonstop action, with Arya, Jon, and Dany slicing through folks and burning them....and Sansa just seems to sit there sad and mealy-mouthed in King's Landing? Weak!

So many fans were attracted to the pageantry and sensory overload Game of Thrones gave them, and to take the time to understand someone as quiet and diffident as Sansa appeared was just not going to happen.

Ultimately, Gillian Flynn said it best: “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.” People watched GoT and decided for a woman to be equal, she had to commit violence, just like how men assert their masculinity. This hurts both Sansa and Arya in the show, I think. Sansa, with her subtlety and traditionally feminine interests, combined with the self-centered streak she showed in season one because God Forbid a teenager be self-centered especially since Arya isn't, was deemed too weak and annoying. Arya is the badass little ninja, but in the books, her descent into her darkest impulses because of the hell she's been through is...Not Good. Not empowering. She's a child. Sansa is a child. But because the way Arya survives and loses much of herself is cool and masculine-coded in the show, it's okay to rally around her. With Sansa, it's weak.

Unfortunately, a lot of Sansa fans go too far in the other direction, which I think is important to note. I've said this in another post, I know, but I just gotta repeat a distinct memory from when the show was at its height. More people were getting into Sansa, and her popularity was rising. Someone dared post their artwork of Sansa in armor and holding a sword. The reaction was ridiculous. "You're missing the whole point of Sansa's character if you give her armor and a sword!" First of all, Sansa is the most adaptable character in the series. Much like Elizabeth I, she would absolutely do that to boost morale at the very least. Second of all, people love to put women in boxes; to quote Succession, a lot of fans can't "hold a whole woman in their head."

Sansa is a an example of "safe" femininity; she'll always be good and sweet and pure, a nice escape from mean women like Cersei, butch Brienne, tomboy Arya. Suddenly all the women just become these traits and aren't allowed to grow past them or learn to love other things. Maybe Sansa does learn to pick up a sword willingly, and finds out it's...kinda fun! Empowering, even!

No, there's nothing wrong with loving to sew, sing, and dream of romance. However, there is harm in internalizing that as the only things women can and should do. There's just something so infantalizing about the treatment of Sansa by some fans: "Our little Sansa always behaves like a lady".

I love Sansa because she isn't always likable. She has a lot of internalized misogyny, and she takes it out on Arya. She's so self-centered in her desires that she tells Cersei about Ned. She's also a child who we can safely assume was more strongly discouraged not to end up like Arya than, say, Arya was. This is her arc. I hate that it happens because of trauma, but her growth stems from Ned's death because it shows that deep down, this child wants home and family more than pagaentry. But because she couldn't say it with a sword, fans missed this.

#sansa stark #asoiaf #game of thrones #got #arya stark

12 notes · View notes

chavisory · 3 months

Text

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine found a childhood diary of hers, in which she'd written something like "Secretly I don't feel like a boy or a girl, I just feel like me," in an 8-year-old's handwriting in pencil, and put a picture of it up on Twitter to demonstrate that gender variance in kids isn't some new, made-up thing; there were kids who felt like this 30 or 40 years ago and even longer, they don't have to be indoctrinated in order to feel these things.

And it got screenshotted off Twitter and went viral on Facebook, and I see people saying things about it like "People knowing themselves from the get-go, what a concept!"

And I feel like that's not...missing the point? but is maybe saying more than what she was necessarily saying.

Because yes, kids can accurately just know things like this about themselves; they can pick up on pervasive signals about how other people feel, how other people conceptualize things, and know that they do not.

But what that doesn't mean is that kids just automatically know what they need to know about who they are, that they never need help with context, or which labels are the right ones.

When I was the same age, I did have some of that sense of "not a boy or a girl, just me." I also had a very pervasive and powerful sense that a lot of autistic girls report, especially when you're raised without language for any of it, of "being a girl wrong." When I was a teenager/in college, I had a concept of an explicitly male aspect of my psyche.

And those were all true and authentic feelings, they weren't silly and wrong just because I was young...but what's not true is that I "just knew" what I needed to know, or what there was to know. I didn't in fact have the language I needed or the context I needed or much of a way of encountering the people I needed to in order to make sense of what the possibilities were.

And people who say things like this in childhood--some of them grow up to identify themselves as agender, or nonbinary, or genderqueer, or trans, or butch/femme... and these days I identify as a woman, as embodying one way out of a lot of ways to be a woman, as genderqueer, and sometimes still just as a tomboy. Sometimes it's like "is stage management a gender?"

Kids can know genuine things about themselves, and gender-variant kids have existed for always, and kids can also need a lot of time to come to a comfortable conceptualization and set of language for who they are, and it has to be okay if they don't know, or if there isn't one true answer and may never be.

14 notes · View notes