#FINALLY Michael pines for someone other than Lucifer

[luckykittysshowerthoughts]

An Unfortunate Predicament [Michael x Reader]

[ GN reader, slowburn, fluff, mildly tsundere, SFW, hurt+comfort, 2.6k ]

"y/n."

"y/n. Can you hear me?"

You can just barely make out his voice past the ringing in your ears. You open your eyes, and... nothing. There's nothing around you, just blank space. It's like you're suspended in a pitch-black void.

You quickly sit up- making note of the clearly solid surface beneath you- and look down. More pitch blackness.

It isn't like it's dark. In fact, it's quite bright- you can see yourself just fine. There's just nothing else there. Nothing but a surprisingly bright light shining down from above. You look up, only to immediately glance away. It's like staring directly into the sun...

"What happened...?" You ask.

"Ugh, really, what did you get yourself into this time..." The voice speaks again. You quickly discern it's coming from directly above you, from the light. "I'd think you'd have learned by now not to eat anything Solomon cooks, but it seems you're just as stubborn as he is."

The memory comes flooding back, of Solomon bringing yet another one of his culinary abominations over to you. It's blurry, but you're pretty sure he even spoon-fed you...

Maybe it's time to start working on my boundaries.

"Ah. So that's how I got here," you say. "But still, what happened? What did it do? Where am I?"

"Whatever Solomon put in that 'chicken soup' of his has transported you into some kind of pocket dimension."

"Great..." You groan, patting the ground beside you. Yep, it’s solid alright.

"Honestly, it's always something new with that sorcerer. He's generally a reasonable person with a good head on his shoulders, but then he'll go and cook something up that poisons even demons, or transports someone through time, or... oh, I probably shouldn't have said that."

"Should I just forget you said that?"

"Please do. Though, I'm not sure you'll even remember any of this once you're out of here anyway."

You let out a sigh. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Don't worry. I'm here to get you out," the voice responds. "Now, this should only take a second..."

You're about to point out how he completely dodged the question, but figure now isn't the time. You're relying on whoever this is to return you to the real world, after all.

The sound of someone snapping their fingers reverberates through whatever kind of space you're in, before you flinch at the piercing sound of glass shattering.

"I- what the...” The voice exclaims in disbelief.

Up to this point, the voice had this undertone of superiority- the kind that screams 'I know things you don't', that considers itself above you and any situation that could present itself. It reminded you of Lucifer, in a way, just more on the patronizing end. However, all of that is gone now- this just seems genuinely taken aback, even startled.

That same shattered-glass sound rings through the space again, then a frustrated growl before trying again.

A pit forms in your stomach. This isn't good...

"That damn sorcerer," the voice mutters, mostly to himself. "Oh. Excuse my language."

"You can't get out, can you?"

He sighs. "It seems I can't."

"Great."

"Fortunately, unlike you, I should still be able to contact the outside world from here," the voice assured. "With outside support, we should be able to be extracted from here with little issue. I just need to give Raphael the instructions."

Raphael, huh?

"Who are you, anyway? You never answered my question earlier."

"You sure ask a lot of questions, don't you?" the voice responds, tone dripping with annoyance.

"Well, for as long as we're stuck here together, we might as well get to know each other."

Your remark is followed by a long moment of deafening silence.

"...hello?"

Another thirty seconds of silence pass by, and a nervous feeling starts building up in your stomach. Is he still here? Had you crossed him in some way, and if you had, is he still going to help you out of here, or just himself?

"He-"

"Ugh. Three hours... it's going to be around three hours."

You groan, taking another look at your surroundings. There's absolutely nothing to keep yourself entertained for the next three hours. There's nothing to even look at. And you're stuck here with some strange being that won't even tell you his name. Though, you're fairly certain you know who it is anyway.

"I can't believe Solomon pulled this off, and without even trying. His capacity to mess things up is almost impressive, isn't it? Though, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised anymore. Inventing an immortality potion, fighting a one-man war against the entire Devildom, shrinking Lucifer and suppressing his power, and now somehow trapping me... sometimes I worry what would happen if he decided to use his power to nefarious ends. And the whole cooking thing... why did he even have to get into cooking, of all things? I never thought I'd have to say the sentence, 'you were sent to a pocket dimension by chicken soup', but here we are. It's times like this that I understand why the Sorcerer's Society sent a dragon after him; this is ridiculous. He really causes me no end of..."

The voice trails off.

"Sorry. I'm rambling."

"No, no, ramble away," you respond quickly. "It's not like there's anything else for us to do here, anyway. Maybe your voice will keep me from going insane."

He scoffs softly. "I'm not here to entertain you."

"Would you honestly rather just sit here in silence? You're stuck here with me just as much as I'm stuck here with you."

That familiar radio silence fills the air again. God, this guy is petty.

Maybe I should see how big this place really is. There's not much to see, but maybe walking around will at least keep me from dying of boredom.

You get up from the floor (or, what you think counts as a floor?), pick a random direction and start walking.

"You know, not many humans would just walk into complete darkness with no directions. But then again, you've never been one to take the safe path, have you?"

You pause and frown. "You say that as though you know me."

"I've been watching," he admits. "The way you've forged such bonds with those brothers, influenced them so tremendously... I'd say you're flying too close to the sun, but everything seems to be going well. I'm happy you're making them happy."

"Well, thanks..?" You respond awkwardly. "I'm glad I'm making them happy, too."

"May I ask why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, they are demons."

"And? They're still dear to me."

"Dear to you, huh?" The voice asks pensively.

"Why are you so invested, anyway?"

There's a second of hesitation before the voice speaks again. Not a long spell of intentional silence like earlier, but a simple pause. As though he's contemplating what to say, or whether to speak at all.

"Because long ago, they were my brothers." The voice answers. "It's been a long time since then. But I do still have a smidgen of care for them. And seeing you get so close with them, it... it fascinates me."

There's an undeniable tone of loneliness to his tone, one that he's clearly trying to restrain but is leaking through nonetheless.

"Fascinates you?" You ask. You pause. "...well, you fascinate me, too, Michael. That's who you are, isn't it?"

"Excuse me?" He blurts in shock.

"You aren't exactly hiding it well."

Several seconds of silence ensue, and then a weak chuckle.

"You really are full of surprises, aren't you?"

"My life is full of surprises. I try to match the energy."

"I think I see why Lucifer likes you so much," he remarks. "And, yes, I am Michael. In case you needed the confirmation."

"Confirmation is always appreciated," you respond. "It's nice to finally meet you, Michael."

"I'm sorry? Nice to meet me?"

You quirk an eyebrow. "Why are you so surprised?"

"I apologize. It's just... I would have imagined Lucifer and those brothers of his would only have negative things to say of me. I had figured you wouldn't have the best impression of me, much less want to meet me."

"Meh, it's been a mixed bag," you shrug.

"Come on. You can't just say that; now I'm curious."

You chuckle. "Well, Mammon told me how you taught him about the constellations."

"He still remembers that...?"

"Apparently," you shrug again. "He tried to teach me too, but according to Luke he misremembered a lot. Still haven't had anyone teach me properly."

"Well, hold on."

"Huh?"

Another snap echoes through the void, and suddenly you're in an endless sea of stars.

"Woah..." you let out a gleeful giggle, eyes sparkling with wonder. "This is amazing!"

"I'm glad you like it."

You're startled to hear the voice coming from behind you rather than above you. Now that you think about it, the bright light beaming down from above is gone too...

You slowly turn around, and there he is, in the flesh. Your heart skips a beat as you see him, and you remember what you were told not too long ago.

He's everything humans expect an angel to be and more.

He’s just… magnificent. He’s beautiful in the most ethereal way, with a certain grandeur to him on par with Lucifer. You can't help but stare, taking in his features, basking in them like warm sunlight.

The playful smile fades from his face for a moment. "Come on, don't look at me like that. There's really not much to look at.”

“I respectfully disagree,” you utter under your breath.

“Whatever. Let's go look at the stars instead."

He gets that starry-eyed look of childlike excitement again as he brushes past you and points at a cluster of stars.

"That over there is Orion, humans also call it 'The Hunter'. What a lot of people don't know is that each of the stars have their own names, too. Look at those three stars across the middle, the belt. Left to right are Alnitak, Alnilam, and Mintaka. Now look up from there at the shoulders, now look just east of that... there's Canis Minor. Canis Minor is... oh, I never actually told you the names of the other stars in Orion, did I? I apologize. Anyway..."

You listen to him ramble on, pointing excitedly at various stars, constellations, and asterisms. Oh, and he explains to you what an asterism was. It's so easy to get lost in his words, even if it straddles the line between coherent thought and word vomit at times.

"What was that earlier about you not being here to entertain me?" You tease with a smirk.

He gives you a deadpan look. "This isn't for you. It's for me."

"Right," you chuckle and roll your eyes. "My apologies."

"Don't roll your eyes at me."

"Sorry~"

“You’re not sorry at all,” he sighs softly and shakes his head.

You give him a shrug.

“I don't get it," he utters, shaking his head once more with a soft smile upon his face. "You're just a human, but you talk to me like a friend. It's like you don't care who I am, what I am. It's absurd."

"Well, I've spent quite a while sassing Lucifer and his brothers. You aren't special."

"There you go again..." he sighs. "This is how you treat them, too?"

"Pretty much."

"You really don't care who anyone is, do you?"

"Nope."

"I don't understand how Lucifer hasn't killed you yet."

"Trust me, he's tried."

The two of you share a chuckle.

"You know, one time..." You delve into a story about you and Lucifer, one of the many times you drove him crazy.

Throughout the story, Michael leans in further and further towards you, completely captivated. He looks so utterly enthralled that you just can't bring yourself to bring it to a close. One chaotic story segues into another, and another. You feel like one of one of those camp counselors sitting around a campfire, telling stories to a circle of starry-eyed children.

"With the way you talk about him, I'd almost think he hasn't changed," Michael remarks with a distant look in his eyes, a sad smile tilting the corners of his lips.

"Really, he hasn't," you tell him. "From what I've heard, anyway. He's still Lucifer."

He lets out a sad sigh, eyes cast downward. "All this time, I've thought the Lucifer I knew died when I... when he became a demon."

He meets your gaze with a melancholic look.

"He's changed a little," you agree, "but he's still the same Lucifer inside. I've seen enough to know that. I'm sure if you give him a chance..."

Michael sighs. "How am I supposed to face him as a demon? How am I supposed to look at him, not recoil at what he's become, what I turned him into?"

You put a hand on his shoulder. "Michael."

His eyes widen in surprise, as he’s momentarily snapped out of his episode of self-pity.

"Touching me too, are you? You really do know no bounds."

You swear you can see the faintest blush upon his face. Or maybe it’s just a trick of the light. Either way, that could be explored later.

"It's how I've gotten this far," you tell him with a smile. "I've gotten where I am because I, consistently, decided to take the plunge. And I think it's time for you to take the plunge, too."

For a long moment, he just looks down at the ground, his expression unreadable.

After what feels like forever, he meets your gaze again. "Let's get back to the constellations," he suggests with a weary smile.

"Okay."

And so, Michael returns to his rambles about the constellations, wildly pointing and gesturing into his projection of the night sky. A surprised blush heats up your face as you feel a feathered wing drape around you like a soft blanket. You look to Michael in disbelief, as he continues gesturing to the stars.

You shuffle closer to him, and without looking away from the distant stars, he pulls his wing over you tighter, almost squeezing like a feathery hug. His feathers brush against you, softer than anything you’ve ever felt.

You gently grasp some of his gleaming white feathers between your fingers and stroke them. His eyes widen in surprise.

“Hey, I didn’t say you could touch,” he weakly chides.

“You’re the one who touched first!”

“Ugh…” he rolls his eyes. “Anyway, that over there is Lacerta…”

You settle back down underneath his wing, taking everything in. He’s warm, unbelievably warm. It’s as though you’re snuggled up in a heated blanket as the two of you gaze up at the stars. You feel like you could stay there forever.

I can't believe this is happening.

However, all good things must come to an end. Eventually, you start to notice the starry sky... breaking apart. Into little tiny pieces, floating away into the abyss.

"Wh-"

"That must mean Raphael succeeded," Michael says, stepping away and retracting his wing. "When this little pocket of reality is fully dissolved, we'll be sent right back to where we were before this whole ordeal."

A pang of disappointment hits you as you realize your little moment is coming to a close.

"Oh, don't give me that face." Michael says. "We'll see each other again; I promise it. So try to remember me this time, okay?"

You give him a weird look. Try to remember him this time...? What on Earth does he mean by that...?

Before you can ask, he takes your hands in his and squeezes them gently. Just as he does, a blinding light pours in and... now, you're in your bed.

You blink and sit up.

"Oh, thank goodness! What was that about; ya really had us scared there! Don't ya ever do that again!" Mammon's practically yelling into your ear.

"Mammon, there's no need to be right in their face. Not after they just woke up." Lucifer shakes his head. "Are you alright, [y/n]?"

"I'm feeling quite alright," you smile.

"Oh?" Lucifer gives you a weird look.

"You can go ahead and tell everyone I'm fine," you say, standing up and walking towards the door. "I'm headed to the library."

Meanwhile, in the Celestial Realm, Raphael breathes a sigh of relief as Michael reappears.

"Ugh, honestly, Michael," he shakes his head. "How did you even find yourself in such a predicament, anyway? I mean, you?"

"As I said. I had to help [y/n]."

"Were you even actually stuck in there, or were you just using it as an excuse to mess around when you have work to do?"

"...I'll leave that up to your interpretation."

"Michael...! Hey, don't just run off...!"

#FINALLY Michael pines for someone other than Lucifer #no idea why i decided to write in present tense that's unlike me #7 minutes in heaven except there’s no sex just infodumping #Is he just embarrassed to admit he was really stuck or was he really fucking around? Who knows! #obey me michael #obey me x reader #om michael #obey me michael x reader #fluff #hurt+comfort

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

#if you told me i'd be doing this in 2020 three weeks ago i'd have laughed in your face :/ #deancas #supernatural #fic recs #spn femslash #destiel #fic #the alie tag #spn posting

[emmys-grimoire]

Lesson 54 analysis + 55 predictions

This lesson was light on the lore, so this will be mercifully short.

If I can find out how to post commentary with 10+ images later, I'll do that and give you all the juicy spoilers. Until then, though, you'll have to settle for the highlights. Apologies.

Barbatos's Origins

The interesting morsels in Lesson 54 are Barbatos-related, naturally. It wasn't so much a character arc for him so much as it was a finally-getting-to-know-him-sort-of arc.

Sort of.

This makes it obvious that Barbatos was not always in his current position, and that Devildom society considered the position beneath his power and capabilities as a demon. He's likely more powerful than the brothers, who are considered the rulers of the Devildom alongside Diavolo.

I've theorized before that this bit in Season 1 may give us some insight into Luke's potential origins, but it is also just as relevant to Barbatos, who is clearly the manservant it's alluding to.

It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that this is a red herring they had no serious intention on following up in later seasons: something to just throw out there for funsies and to create an amusing anime title. Personally, since we've found out that Solomon has had someone he pined for in the past, I think we're full up of long lost love backstories and there may be too much overlap if they intend to go with it.

If they really want to jump the shark, both Barbatos and Solomon could have once loved Lilith! No other women exist in the story outside of Lilith and possibly MC!

There's are other interesting crumbs in Barbatos-related Devilgrams and chat conversations.

This hints at some special regard for humans as a whole. As we found out in the previous lesson, Barbatos decided to answer Solomon's summons, for whatever reason. Why does Barbatos have a soft spot for humans, I wonder?

I think there's a decent chance that we'll find out that Barbatos is some ancient, primordial being that predates the creation of the Devildom and the Celestial Realm -- or an entity that just always existed along space and time itself. Obviously Barbatos is a demon now, but it may have been a voluntary choice on his part to become one OR he was changed due to some mishap on his part (like falling in love with an angel and "messing up" in his quest to be with them, or the previous Demon King doing something to him).

We do know that Barbatos acts more like a caretaker towards Diavolo than just a servant, and Diavolo -- the most powerful being in the Devildom -- feels obligated to mind him. The reason behind this is probably related to how he came to be in the Demon King's service.

He’s a weird snake thing in demon form so he might be related to the ouroboros, which is supposed to embody the start and end of time.

Innate Angel Abilities

It's nothing new or surprising, but we learn that angels may have innate qualities that draw humans to them. Barbatos is unsurprised when you tell him you're fond of Simeon and Luke.

It might just be varying degrees of the super charisma that Lucifer and Michael are alluded to have, but it might also contribute to MC's apparent magnetism. The game repeatedly alludes to our pseudo-angelness.

It might also, funnily enough, work on demons.

But Diavolo has admitted he doesn't like Simeon, who was once a high-ranking angel, so I won't be surprised if Lucifer is just special.

Barbatos's Grimoire

We learned it was a fake, so Barbatos may not necessarily trust Solomon as much as he said he did in the previous lesson. It was a ploy he and Asmodeus were in on all along!

Though I'd argue agreeing to a pact with him still suggests there's a high degree of trust there. Solomon might still have it: he might just not have trusted us to have it. The whole trial was to demonstrate that we could keep a secret/not violate Barbatos's trust.

And I was right, it was the trial of chastity.

We have just diligence and humility left.

Predictions

It sounds like we may be heading to a theme park for the next lesson. Beelzebub and Belphegor have fond memories of sneaking off to human carnivals back when they were angels, so I wouldn't be surprised if the trial of diligence has an arc involving Belphegor. He's up for one.

I've theorized the trial of humility will be last on the docket and will revolve around Lucifer. That's where the climax is gonna be, or it will be after that trial is completed and we get our last star. Others have pointed out that it could involve a conflict with the Sorcerer's Society due to the shenanigans Solomon's past apprentice pulled. We are, after all, doing all this to get our coveted sorcerer's license so we're legit.

We still haven't figured out what Michael intends to do. We've went from talking about him frequently to not talking about him at all, but the storyline do be like that sometimes.

We still have six lessons left, so there's plenty of room for something to happen.

#obey me #obey me! #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #analysis #obey me lesson 54 #obey me lesson 55 #obey me spoilers #obey me diavolo #obey me season 3

[hawkland]

(Mostly) Destiel Fic Recs #5

This is a LONG recs post because it’s been a while since I did an update and I fell hard into reading one author’s work (DeanRH). In fact I could easily do a rec post just of their fics alone, but for this round I’m just going to pick out a handful of my absolute favorites so far, the ones I’d recommend to start out with, along with more other authors’ works I’ve especially enjoyed lately.

Absolution at the Five-and-Dime by DeanRH (125k)  - this is perhaps THEE DeanRH fic to start with if you want a good, long read with a little bit of everything (Roadtrips! Intriguing casefic! Americana! Tasty Dean/Cas pining! Wing!kink and unique angel lore! Kinky soul fisting and tentacles!) It’s kind of two of parallel stories in one: the first, a flashback to Dean and Sam's first year hunting on their own (as well as trying to avoid hunting, and John in general); the second on how Dean and Cas finally get together during an unusual case and when Dean is able to really let go of his past trauma and accept himself/accept love from Cas. 

What I love about DeanRH’s work is that they write from the unique point of view of a drifter, so they understand living on the road, traveling place to place, and the highs and lows of that life like no others I’ve encountered in SPN before. (The author’s notes are often as much fun to read as the stories themselves). They also write a kickass angel!Cas and never lose sight of his non-human traits and background. Their writing style is unique - almost poetic in nature, and I know some readers have found it difficult to get into. But it works really well for me in their SPN fic...gives it the flavor of oral story telling as might actually happen at a drifter’s camp (with one story written exactly as such). Be warned this particular fic does play up the idea of John Winchester being mentally abusive and Dean having to turn tricks when he was younger in order to support him and Sam, so there is some dark stuff. But as someone who grew up with mentally abusive parent, reading this was extremely cathartic to me and believably written (unlike some stories that go too over the top with abusive John, or just don't understand how that kind of abuse leaves lifetime psychological scars.)

The rest of this round’s recs below the cut.

Carnevale by DeanRH (18k) - Actually the first fic by this author I read, because I just couldn’t resist a story set in my favorite place in the world, Venice, Italy. Castiel is the Angel of Venice, banished there for so long he does not even know or remember the reasons why. But Carnevale season is the one time a year he can let his wings out - figuratively and literally. And during this particular Carnevale season, he meets an intriguing masked young American tourist there with his brother and their one night stand turns into something far more powerful than either expected. This one’s hot, romantic, and achingly sad at the end as it all ties together unexpectedly with canon-verse...though with a hint for the future so it’s definitely not totally sad. I loved how DeanRH clearly understands Venice as a fellow lover of the city, the side of it most tourists never see unless they spend a long time there. This story made me cry just from wanting to be back in Venice again.

Ice cream was sweeter, food more satisfying, everything was an epicurean delight. There was just something magical about Venice, and he had lived here in the city for hundreds of years, so the shine should have worn off by now.

But it didn't, and there was always something more, something wonderful to discover around the next corner. The painted eaves of a church. The beauty of two women dancing with flowers in their teeth across the Piazza San Marco one day, overcome by the sheer joy of just being there. The way the university students still created Venetian masks, like Castiel's extravagant volto mask and Dean's humble servetta muta, with crafts that had been handed down across the generations. The morning silence that lay against the stones.

Hard Landing by DeanRH (26.9k) - A bit similar in theme to Carnevale. A pre-series Dean and Sam are sight-seeing in Spain when an angel, struck by a babel-spell, crash lands right in front of Dean. A strange yet seriously hot encounter with the angel turns into something much more complicated when the brothers return home and realize something more serious is afoot and they are both trapped in the middle of it. This is another story where things are very much not as they seem at first (as fun as that is!) It features master strategist Cas at his best, with a side helping of delightful trickery care of Gabriel and Balthazar as they deal with Lucifer, Michael...and a few others along the way.

The Sacred Band of Thebes by DeanRH (14.5k) - The last DeanRH fic I’m gonna allow myself to include in this round up, because it’s just very soft and sweet and beautiful - for a story about Dean & Cas being magically transported back in time to ancient Sparta! This is another story infused with a great knowledge of place and history, with some wonderfully delightful original characters added in that make it all the more enjoyable to read.

And now on to some other authors, I promise!

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT by emmbrancsxx0 (56k). A really wonderful fic that take a different look at what might have happened with a temporarily resurrected John Winchester during Season 14. Dean & Cas are in an established relationship here, and John here isn’t too happy about it — though mostly because he sees Cas (and Jack) as monsters, the kind of monsters he spent his lifetime hunting. This is a great fic for the emotional complexity of how John, Dean and Cas are all handled. John isn’t a cardboard evil dad, Dean is struggling between his loyalty to his father and to Cas, and Cas is increasingly bitchy/frustrated at Dean still being so desperate for his father’s approval (and all the more complex for not just being a quietly suffering perfect supporting boyfriend.) There’s some great action sequences in this too along with the emotional angst and a delicious dose of hurt!Cas if that’s your thing (as it is for me :D)

Abrenuntio by Neonbat (51k). A very dark but compelling AU take on the/a apocalypse universe. Dean, Sam and John are all alive in this post-angel war-apocalyptic world. They are part of a group of human survivors fighting against the angel army when they manage to capture “Blue” — a particularly feared angel of death. Dean is tasked with bringing Blue in for interrogation and he becomes a prisoner in their camp after John is killed. As mentioned, this is a pretty dark/sad fic (with some rather gruesome torture scenes) but I still found it quite compelling as a look at how things could have gone in some other parallel universe. And somehow the author manages to make the Dean/Cas relationship come together despite them starting out as complete enemies. This is one of those AUs that works for me because the core of the characters really shine through despite the differences in the setting.

if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee (37k) - a gorgeous post-Empty rescue fic that takes an approach I haven’t really seen explored in detail before (despite being something I’ve actually thought about as something that could’ve happened.) What if Cas has spent so long denying himself happiness, and then trapped in regrets and false-rescue scenarios created by the Empty, that he can’t trust that his rescue is real? And so he runs off to be on his own - literally stealing the Impala because he can’t handle being in Dean’s presence one moment longer - and only slowly comes to terms with the idea that it’s over now and he can be happy with/around his friends and family. This one’s both deliciously angsty and at times funny/sweet, looking at Cas’s relationships not just with Dean but with Sam, Jack, Claire, even Eileen. It does some fun stuff with other returned angels and demons who now find themselves back on Earth (and human), and...I just really enjoyed this one a lot.

Both Saved and Lost by angelfishofthelord (13.7k) Gen Cas character study, absolutely gorgeous and sad and one of those fic I couldn’t stop thinking about the day after reading it. AU where Apocaverse!Cas isn’t immediately killed by our Cas during 13x22 but instead hitches a ride back to the main ‘verse. Dean and Sam want to keep him alive for information on Michael; Cas is torn and trying to figure out just how similar—or different—they really are. Some great angel stuff here (I also highly recommend this author’s Jack & Cas “dadstiel” fics, they’re equally lovely and heartbreaking at the same time.)

flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k) - THEE “What exactly did Dean eat in Purgatory, anyway?” fic you’ve probably already heard about. *cough* I’ve been trying to work up the courage to read this one for a while and finally gave in and OH MY CHUCK I’m so glad I did. It’s perversely disturbing and beautiful at the same time, Cas is wonderfully DERANGED and ALIEN in that way that I love it when fics managed to convey just how much angels are NOT human. Do heed the tags.

Full of Grace by ilovehowyouletmefall (11k) - Another one for the weird-as-fuck-angel!Cas lovers’ list. Heaven/canon-compliant fic where Dean knows he should feel happy and at peace but he just...isn’t, even with Cas and all of his friends and family there. He finally goes looking for Cas when he’s been absent for a time and, for the first time, gets to not just see but experience his true form. Another one that hits some kinks I knew I had and others I didn’t...until now. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

don't ask me where i've been by saltwound / @1x06 (8k) - I can never resist a good 09x06 fiction gap fic! What makes this one really stand out is how well it captures Cas’s internal voice - his struggles adapting to human senses, limitations and emotions versus what/how he experienced things as an angel. The longing and feelings between Dean & Cas here are so achingly beautiful and I just wanted to cry when Cas says he misses hearing Dean’s prayers, so Dean, he...oh, I’m not going to spoil it. *happy sigh* Just read it.

this room is wrong by DarkHeartInTheSky (12k) - Sometimes I like torturing myself with some good 15x03 divorce arc angst and this fic hit that button just so. It’s an alternative take on where Cas might have ended up after leaving the bunker and features some great Cas & Sam friendship feels, when Sam sets out to try to bring Cas home. It’s all the stuff you’d wish the writers would’ve let them talk out in canon.

Well that’s more than enough for this round! Go forth, read and give some great writers some kudos & comment love!

#fic recs #my fic recs #destiel recs #destiel #deancas recs #my destiel recs

[worse0mens]

Tagged by @mirach

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any  patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your  favorite authors!  

1. A long time ago, Crowley was an angel. He was a star-maker — which, to a human, sounds very impressive. (Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star)

2. Being the god of spring was... fine. There was nothing wrong with it. Well, apart from the overbearing mother [...] (When Earth Freezes Over)

3. "Sorry, I have to do what?" (Living Up To The Legend)

4. Aziraphale was a hobbit. Not a nasty, gossipy, vindictive creature, no; that would be mistaking her for her sister-in-law, Lobelia. (There And Back Again (And Again, And Again...))

5. Lucifer fell. It was a story that would be told from generation to generation, one which would spark the first heavenly war […] (Rise And Fall)

6. Crows began to gather in the treetops, darkening the sky that shone through the pine needles in irregular patches. (Omens of Another Kind)

7. When Mr Crowley crumpled to the floor, apropos of nothing, in the lobby of his apartment building, it took a moment before anyone managed to act. (A Grave Mistake)

8. Dan had worked hard for this job. Waiting on tables in swanky restaurants was not only better paid than a standard waiting job […] (Waiting On Someone New)

9. "I'm going to kill that wizard," Crowley grumbled under his breath, traipsing through the mud and smoke. (The Good Orc)

10. Tauriel had hoped that returning to the Greenwood could salve her broken heart. She worked, and trained, and wept on her own […] (What Remains of a Heart)

11. Michael dropped a file on Gabriel’s desk. He looked up, raising a brow. “What’s this?” he said, opening it. (The Terrible Fate of the Principality Aziraphale)

12. A flying date! What a capital idea. Since they started moving things along in their relationship, they kept finding new ways to make this love their own. (Birds of a Feather)

13. Aziraphale knew from the moment he discovered his pregnancy that he would have to go without a few things. (Tempted)

14. Crowley definitely delivered on his promise to dote on Aziraphale. No matter how many times Aziraphale reminded him […] (Double the Fun)

15. Aziraphale had been tasked with hunting a lone orc, one which had been straying in and out of the Great Greenwood for weeks. (The Orc & The Elf)

16. Crowley landed flat in his back with a long groan. The cellar floor was hard, and the air was thick with incense and candle-smoke. (The Whole ‘Being Summoned’ Thing)

17. It was late one evening when Aziraphale finally plucked up the nerve to tell him. Well, he couldn’t exactly leave it much longer […] (When An Angel And A Demon Love Each Other Very Much...)

18. They’d done it. They’d averted the apocalypse. (Crowley’s Flat, 4:04 AM: The Very First Day Of The Rest Of Their Lives)

19. Mr Fell had many good friends in Soho, even some he didn't know about. The baker down the street always looked forward to his visits […] (Digging For Gold)

20. Everyone falls on hard times now and then, especially if you lived in London. It wasn’t exactly high-class living at the best of times […] (Instant Regret)

Patterns: The first sentence usually establishes a fact, introduces a character, or sets the atmosphere. If I’m doing a crossover (because yes, all of the above are Good Omens fics), I like to parody a well-known line, like in #4. The opening lines often have a dry or deadpan humour to them, or subverts an expectation somehow, even in a small way.

Favourite: Got to be #9, that line is even funnier out of context

@candyqueenblog @ishomoogoo @nohaijiachi @theladydrgn

#tag game #my fics #ao3 fic #fic rec #no pressure to participate if you don’t want #good omens #ineffable husbands #long post

[mattzerella-sticks]

Checkmate (Castiel-centric, Chuck & Cas, Castiel/Dean Winchester coda to 15x17 “Unity” and 15x18 “Despair, 1.9k)

ao3 link

Billie saves Jack from suffering a fatal end from her plan, and knowing Jack was safe gave Cas space to focus on his own troubles. Nearly losing his son again... revelations from Chuck... choices Dean made, were set on, until Sam broke through at the last minute - too close - they all were...

It was too much. Cas needed to digest these roiling experiences away from faces it hurt to look at. Except he stumbles exactly where Chuck wants him. After countless times praying for guidance, Chuck finally decides now is perfect for a long-awaited heart-to-heart.

           Cas abandoned the others once Billie disappeared, not even waiting for her form to fade before striding away. Stomps up each step, ignoring Dean’s calls as he races from their home. Into fresher air aboveground. Being an angel, Cas was inexperienced with breathing. Yet, instinctually, Cas gasps for breath once he breaks free.

           Hunched over the outdoor railing, Cas’s vision blurs. Darkness encroaching at a pace that makes him shiver. “That’s not…” he hisses, sinking lower, crouching. “It’s not real. It can’t… there’s a deal. They were very clear –“

           “C’mon Castiel, you should know by now…” A familiar voice breaks through static, Cas’s grip tightening on the rusted rail. “This close to the end, anything goes.”

           Cas turns his head, meeting Chuck’s deriding glare. “You’re still here?”

           “I’m everywhere Castiel,” he mocks, arms spread wide and head tilted backwards. Laughing, “I’m God.”

           Briefly, Cas considers shouting. Alerting the others that Chuck hadn’t gone far, nearer than they figured. Except Chuck’s head lolls around once more, clearly expecting Cas to do exactly that. His jaw tenses, Cas rising on shaky legs. “What do you want?”

           “Loaded question. I want a lot of things… Amara’s power – but I got that.” His eyes flicker, blue and black, before fading into their regular hazel. “This world to end… close. I could wait fifty more years but let’s speed it up, honestly. You and your family to suffer…” He grins, advancing towards him. “How is Jack doing?”

           “He’s fine,” Cas tells Chuck, “but you already know that. Don’t you?”

           “Guilty.”

           “Then why ask?” Cas glares at his creator, mustering enough fury that he trembles from an entirely new reason. “Did you stick around only to gloat? Is that what it takes to get you to show up?”

           “Oh Castiel…” Chuck grabs his chin, pinching it. Sparks jumping off his finger pads and searing his skin, Cas wincing when Chuck doesn’t let go. “You’re not bitter that I never returned your calls, right?”

           Chest aching, Cas tamps down that hurt. Accustomed to doing so. “But you received them?”

           “I hear each and everyone.”

           “And you do nothing.”

           “I only help those that deserve it.” He shoves Cas away, spinning on his heel. Gestures around them, “No one on this Earth – in this universe – deserves it. Ungrateful sacks of filth and – and mud. Imperfect, flawed…”

           “Beautiful.” Cas defends them on instinct, stepping forward. “Humanity might be all of that, but it doesn’t make them any less deserving of life. Of a second chance.”

           “Humanity…” He laughs again, to a joke Cas must have missed. Wiping a false tear, Chuck leers at him, “Really? Does humanity deserve a second chance? Is it even a second chance anymore?” Then, with a disturbing amount of severity laced through his voice. “How many more chances are you going to give Dean?”

           Chuck’s hand rests over his heart, closing the distance between blinks. Claws at Cas’s chest, clutching onto him. Cas stares above his creator’s head, resolutely not giving Chuck what he wants. Hiding sadness and longing they both can feel rippling across their bodies, warmth abnormal given this cooler climate.

           “You’re always giving so much of yourself to him,” Chuck whispers, prodding. Breath felt as he rasped in his ear. “Isn’t it tiring? Disappointing he doesn’t do the same?”

           Cas swallows the immediate thoughts that emerge. Those traitorous voices expressing similar sentiment, nasally and grating like them. His shadowed future. He answers, instead, with, “I will always do whatever it takes to keep my family safe.”

           Groaning, Chuck knocks his head against Cas’s shoulder. Repeatedly, harder and harder. Each swing whacking at his cool façade. “Love!” he bemoans, “Your love for humans, your love for him. How I hate – why does it all come down to Dean.” His hand trails upwards, snaking over Cas’s tie. Chuck steps backwards, dragging Cas along. Forcing him onto his knees. “Sam, I get. They’re brothers… sentimentality. They’ve been through the wringer longer than every other Earth, of course it’d be harder breaking that. Too mature, set in their routines… And Amara, she was finding herself. Dean was a passing fancy – entertainment, nothing more. But you…” Bending, Chuck presses his face onto Cas’s. Close enough he sees lightning flashing within his pupils. “Your little defect, your crush… this is all your fault.”

           “I…” Chuck’s eyes glow, his throat seizing as this greater being chokes him. Cas fights past it, coughing. “It’s… yours.”

           “No, it’s not. Really.” He stops, dropping him. Cas scrabbles into a crouch, warily observing Chuck circle. Arm raised defensively; angel blade prepped in case of another attack. Useless, given the comparison of power, but he refuses to sit and accept his death. Not like this. Luckily rather than smite Cas, Chuck wastes time prattling. “I tied everything up in a neat, little bow. Sure… took longer to get there, edits and rewrites of course, but the story was done. Brothers battle, one dies, close the book and move on. Raphael was supposed to raze this stage for the next show… until someone called for an encore.”

           Cas startles, guard slipping momentarily. “Wait… you wanted Raphael to restart the apocalypse?”

           “Yes!” Chuck yells, thunder booming in the distance. “It should have been Michael! But what do I find when I check in? Sam back, Dean hunting again, and you balancing an angelic civil war while pining for a man who was better off without you.”

           Those reminders threaten Cas, like tentacles rising from dark ocean waters ready to drag him under. Deeper into his past mistakes. Cas grounds himself, scraping the dirt. Feels it. “My part was done,” he challenges, “Over. Lucifer blew me into tiny particles. Untraceable. You brought me back.”

           “Because how else would I have gotten Dean out of that damned cemetery!” Chuck kicks a rock. It rockets through the sky. “If I’d left him there alone, he’d be as good as dead. Where’s the satisfaction in that? All you had to do was dust Dean off and send him on his way. Couldn’t even do something simple without screwing it up!”

           Cas glares at his creator, shouldering the burden of his disappointment, straining under its massive weight. He does not fall, however. “And all the other times?” he asks. He’s not sure if he wants to hear his answer. Worse, that indecision is a damned lie.

           Chuck grins. His simple act knocking Cas onto his rear, overwhelmed by its cruelty. “And let you off the hook for beating this dead horse? Not a chance. If the Leviathans blew you up, you’d never suffer through the fallout from betraying Dean – the man you did everything for. A hero’s sacrifice, staying behind in Purgatory? For penance? You don’t decide your fate – I do! And it was perfect. Hope, Castiel. All that hope you had… for Jack, a better world, a chance to raise a kid alongside the others. Experience those wonders, find a new purpose – dashed with a simple knife through your chest. The last thing you saw being Dean as his heart shattered, and he broke. That playing on a loop while you slumber for infinity in the Empty – now that was an ending!”

           As an angel, Cas doesn’t sleep. Can’t dream and cannot have nightmares. In moments of peace, sitting alone in his room at night. Bathed in darkness… that memory strikes. Quick, cutting in its ruthless appearance. Sets him to his feet, light on and blade drawn. Watching shadows shrink in their retreat.

           Chuck continues, angrier by the second. “You would have stayed there too, this time. Dean, Dean prayed. Every night that I would bring you back. Instant voicemail.” Cas frowns, distracted from past trauma by this new information. Dean never sharing this. “Except I was too focused on your demise I wrote myself into another problem – again, because of you!”

           “Jack.”

           “You just… you make me so mad! Castiel, you gotta – you gotta understand, I mean…” Chuck wipes at his cheek, palm lingering there while their gazes meet. “You’re an angel. A – uh… a simple worker bee. A drone. I’m the queen! You shouldn’t be able to do this, it’s – what is it about you? Was it this world – did I… help me make it make sense!”

           Righteous fury seizing, oozing out the cracks of his very being, Cas stands. “You want to know what happened?” he says, seething, “I finally saw what was important. Grand battles, ultimate power… they’re all meaningless if you are alone. Unloved. My time here has taught me…” Those words feel awkward on his tongue, incorrect. He switches, answering honestly. “Dean showed me that.”

           “He sure did show that…” Chuck huffs, rocking on his heels. Smugly enjoying Cas’s defiance. “It sure didn’t include you.”

           Chuck twists his hand in the wound. The very reason Cas fled, Dean’s statement ringing in his head. ‘I’d trade all of them for the chance to kill Chuck.’ Their heated, silent exchange during that brief pause. Communicating as best they could. Still, Dean gave into his fears. Chomped at the bit Chuck dangled. Choosing what Cas prayed he’d never.

           All for nothing.

           “Is that why you’re here?” Cas asks, “kill me one last time? Take me off the board because I’m not important to the story?”

           “How I wish that were true, Castiel. How I wish that were true.” He steeples his fingers, drifting into the surrounding forest. “You’ve got a part to play in this. Something big. A set up for the final battle… that’ll bring all the pieces I need onto the board.”

           “Except for me?”

           “I’ve learned from my first draft,” he says, “not to let surprises derail the story I want to write. You, you… you are nothing but surprising.”

           Cas scowls, fists balled at his sides. “And you being here? Sharing this with me? Is that part of your story?”

           Chuckling, Chuck wags his finger from side to side. “Let’s just say I’m… making things up as I go along.” Cas stiffens, hearing his own words used against him. “Wanted one last chat with you before you drown back in that slimehole.”

           “So it’s soon?” Chuck’s lips thin, stretched closed. Restraint crumbles, Cas leaping forward. “Tell me what you’ve planned -!”

           He’s thrown onto his back, a hand around his neck. Chuck expressionless while he struggles, looking almost bored. “Nothing, Castiel,” he says, “I have nothing planned.”

           “Liar!” he hisses, “You said that I –“

           Chuck talks over him, “It’s the truth! I didn’t plan anything… the only one to blame is you, Castiel. Like always, you are the architect of your own misery.” Cas freezes, body rebelling. Flames of hatred snuffed with a cold breeze. “Not like anything I could’ve written would have sticked anyway, we both know this. But your deal… I didn’t make you do that. You have no one to blame for your doom but yourself.” He releases Cas, wiping his hands on his pants. Sneering at Cas like he was garbage, but smaller. Gum Chuck wiped off his shirt, but worse. A bug under a magnifying glass while the sun shone brightly above, except more pitiful. “It’ll be nice to sit back and enjoy for once… so put on a good show, Cas. Really push Dean into doing something dumb and suicidal when you’re gone. Sell it! Make it count – it’ll be your last.”

           Chuck vanishes, leaving Cas there. On the ground, physically. Mentally, spiritually, he’s adrift in the unknown. Floating towards an ending he always knew waited for him. An ending that he chose.

           Or did he? If every other option was stolen from him, was it truly his choice? Cas certainly wouldn’t pick this. Years from now, after his loved ones have shuffled off, at peace with a life well lived – that’s the ending he would write. Being welcomed into his perfect heaven with gentle green eyes, freckles, and a dimpled smile.

           He stays like that for longer than he realized. Sam finds him, asks if he’s okay.

           Cas lies because, like with the Empty, it’s the only choice he has.

#supernatural #spn #spn15 #15x17 unity #15x18 despair #spn fanfic #spn meta fanfic #castiel #chuck shurley #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic

[xheartpages]

@heartsaked​ asked: "no."

it's rare for him to be so firm and direct when it came to simeon, almost treating the current conversation matter like he was dealing with his younger brothers. though there wasn't the same tired annoyance that came in his tone of voice, as simeon didn't get into many shenanigans that made the eldest demon brother desperately crave for a vacation, it still held a sense that there was no way he was going to budge on this.

"simeon... i am not someone worth you risking everything you still have just to be with me." as if it wasn't already a risk in itself for them to be together they way that they were. but he had been willing to overlook that for a chance to take advantage of the time he had lost after he had fallen, to be able to let simeon know how he had felt.

but this? no, lucifer couldn't let simeon go through with it.

a gloved hand rests against the angel's cheek, expression softening as he stared into simeon's eyes. "i love you, simeon, but i would never forgive myself for being the cause of your fall." and he knew that luke would just hate him further, sadly realizing that maybe the younger angel was right with his fear of lucifer's influence on simeon.

"please... reconsider this."

The strong ‘no’ had cut off the angel’s voice as he seemed to delve deeper and deeper into this impromptu plan, explaining to Lucifer all the ways in which he could make himself fall. Even whispering about their relationship to Michael would be more than enough, especially given how rigid he was about ‘rules’. Even telling Luke might be more than enough; while the younger angel looked up to him, he was also a stickler for rules, even though he would never put the other through such a difficult decision. Simeon’s voice had gotten almost excited the more he went on; nearing pleading as he presented each scenario and case to Lucifer, showing him all the ways they could be together permanently, but then---

The angel’s lips parted slightly, blue eyes flickering over his lover’s face and expression; feeling his body deflate without meaning to. Just like that... rejection. The sharp sensation in his chest was enough to make him almost stumble back as though hit, lips pursing tightly as he inhaled deeply; trying not to showcase how much that had hurt.

I am not someone worth you risking everything you still have just to be with me.

But wasn’t that already what he was doing??

From the moment they first engaged with one another in passion, Simeon had been risking it all. Every kiss, every sigh of pleasure, every secret smile towards each other -- he was playing in sin, and he knew they both knew it.

And Simeon never cared for the consequences. If it meant that he could finally be with the one he’s been pining for for centuries upon centuries, he wouldn’t of changed a thing. Couldn’t of.

... Would Lucifer?

Ocean blue eyes flicker up to ruby at the touch on his cheek, so gentle and loving; something that too many never expected from a demon. He could feel the love and care and worry reflected in those eyes; how sincere he was with his words and fear for him, and the angel wasn’t sure if it warmed his heart or made his stomach churn. Was being on borrowed time really better than falling?

Was it truly?

I... worry, Simeon. You know doing this exchange program means we’ll have to... that Lucifer will be a huge part of it too. Will you be okay?

No. That was the answer, so clear as day even if at the start he had been adamant otherwise.

Simeon swallowed thickly, his eyes scanning the demon’s before him as a thick silence settled between them. He knew what answer he was search for; what he was hoping he would say, and yet the words... they evaded him. Saying them would cement the fact that they would forever be on borrowed time and he couldn’t---

Eyes broken contact, flickering down as he lifted his own gloved hand to Lucifer’s fingers as though to take it... before letting it fall, releasing a quiet sigh as he turned himself from him; breaking the contact with the movement, and turning away; exiting the room cloaked in the heavy silence that fell over them.

He had no answer to give. At least none that would satisfy him. So... he would offer none.

#heartsaked #; ( even saints audition ) simeon&interactions #// here we are.... :' ) #simeluci angst; because we love to see it

[pinepickled]

Hello Pine! I hope you've been doing well. For the fandom asks, may I ask about 14, 17, and 20?

Hello shy! Good to hear from you!

14. Name a fandom, she, or character that you love that others would send you hate mail for liking.

Oho, just one? Just /one/? Shy, I am a treasure trove of everything that misguided puritan assholes hate, however can I chose just ~one~. Off the top of my head, probably either Hashira/Tobirama from Naruto (brothers) or Megumi/Gojo (age gap) or Natsume/Matoba (age gap and murderer.) Just off the top of my head. Given time, I could come up with millions.

17. Are there any tropes you wish were used less often?

So many. A great deal of my inspiration for writing comes from the fact that from the cradle to the grave, I HATE overused tropes. Coffee shop au? Get it out of my face. Nerd/Jock or Goth/Jock? Please. Ugly girl gets makeover and suddenly hot popular guy likes her? Not for me no thank you. One in particular I wish was used less often, however, is the constant shaming/infantilizing/idiot-fying of teenagers in media. I work with kids 24/7 and have for about 4 years now. Nothing makes me more mad then 1) when common signs of depression, autism, anxiety, adhd, bpd, and other such things are treated as "just teenage things" 2) when teenagers tout progressive talking points only for the older, conservative, """smarter""" characters to debunk them because a teen said it, of course it's idiotic 😒 3) acting like teens in their 15-17 years of age are of the same intelligence and wisdom of a child of 10-14. From 10 to 17 is 7 years of experience, and you shouldn't pussyfoot with 15-17 year old what you would with a 10-14 year old, which leads to my final grievance: 3) acting like being a child is a crime. So many pieces of media that centers around adults downright criminalized children for being children. It ties into other things such as the quick smack down of people who are only ignorant if only to gain brownie points and how no one has the patience or empathy to explain things to someone "below" them without coming off condescending.

Whew

Can you tell I have a lot of grievances with this 😂

20. Name a song that reminds you heavily of a specific fandom or character.

Ohh, this is another tough one. Most of the songs I associate with characters nowadays is centered on my OC's, Michael and Arbor in particular. If that answers the question, than Hug All Your Friends by Cavetown is a good Michael/Lucifer/Arbor song!

#pine's asks

[biorusted]

Precipice (Or: I could love you)

Out of the depths of my brine pool I come baring an actual, honest to God fanfic. And a smut one at that. 2020 is full of surprises.

Thank you @soulswimmr keeping my soul tethered to this mortal plane and for prof reading this fic.

Fandom: Satan and Me -- Pairing: GabeMike -- Words: 5510 (and no its not 10 pages of intercourse there are other things that happen)

If I had a AO3 account I would tag this fic as: Explicit! Panic attack tw, anxiety and depression tw, messy feelings, Hurt/Comfort, porn with plot, First times, cis gay sex, under negotiated kinks, (as in *slaps roof of fanfic* this baby can fit SO MUCH under negotiated kinks) light Bondage, light impact play, Dom/Sub tendencies, aftercare. yeehaw.

Summery: Michael accidentally confesses his love to Gabriel. Putting it lightly, it doesnt go well. But then Gabe shows up later that day and makes amends. (they boink)

Edit - 9/29 (michaelmas) Added a NSFW pic inspired by the fic (at the bottom)

Michael had no idea how he got here.

Well, no, of course he did; he was there when it happened. But to say that the day began with him nearly falling over the edge into despair to having Gabriel grinding up against him, pressing hot kisses to his neck and chest, toying with his body… well no one could have possible seen that coming. Except God, but he wasn’t really thinking of Him at this time.

Theres no way to track how This started. It could go back way before the Fall, to when Michael was first discovering that he liked Gabriel more than others. But that was normal, right? People had their favorites so why was this any different? Just because he leaned in closer whenever Gabriel spoke, or found him smiling like the sun whenever Gabe leaned up against him while they were on break, didn’t mean it was anything special. Besides, Gabriel had Anthea. Gabriel didn’t know he had Anthea at first, but Michael wasnt that blind. So he didn’t say anything to dissuade Gabriel from going after her. He didn’t encourage it either, though. Even after the Fall, he didn’t say anything, he himself just lost Lucifer so any chastising or encouragement would have been hypocritical, but eventually he’d thought that Gabriel would let go of her.

He never did though. And Michael never got rid of his feeling for Gabriel either. It grew, in fact. Slowly, like a vine coming around to choke the statues in the gardens, wholly unnoticed until there is nothing to do about it. Every laugh, ever tired roll of the eyes, every unexpected yawn would bring about a new leaf that would suffocate Michael if he wasn’t already doing everything he could to push his feelings down. He didn’t have time for whatever he felt for Gabriel. There were things to do on the surface, troops to train in Heaven and he, being the one on the pedestal, had to be perfect. And feelings were messy.

The point is, as much as he wanted to run his fingers through Gabriel’s curly red hair and kiss him on warm summer nights, he couldn’t do it. Would never do it.

And then the prophecy child came along. The end officially started, Michael got stabbed by his sister, contracted to a human, poisoned by his brother, sold off as a bartering chip to War, lost his physician, pulled some strings and brought a spirit back to earth, pulled some more strings to keep Gabriel from getting to irreversible trouble (but still had him sent to the tank for two weeks), finally saw God after years of radio silence, met his literal doppelganger, got formerly-mentioned-brother’s wings sent to him as sick gift and, quite frankly, was at the end of his rope. Everything was just happening too fast and no one seemed to care. The air was tight whenever he was with the other Archangels. It felt like he didn’t really know any of them anymore. Not even Gabriel, though his heart begged for that not to be the case.

Oh, right. Anthea had also died. So there’s that too. See? Messy.

All of that was basically to say, that when Gabriel made the snide comment that he, Michael, couldn’t possible know what it was like to truly love someone other than himself (which wasn’t even true, Michael did, in fact, hate himself immensely) Michael wasn’t planning to confirm or deny it.  However, after the initial shock – Did Gabriel really think him that heartless? – and feeling everyone’s eyes on him – all the other archangels were in the room, plus some other guards – he did answer. It came out like a holy confession, a whisper accompanied by searing hot tears.

I love you. He said.

Michael couldn’t breathe in the silence that followed, which made Gabriel’s laugh, a cruel sounding thing, even harder to take. Michael choked on air and when Gabriel turned to leave, but when he made to follow, maybe to explain himself more? To apologize? Anything but be alone with his thoughts or worse, alone in a room full of people, Gabriel slapped him.

Gabriel said something to him, but he didn’t catch it. All he felt was stinging on his cheek and embarrassment crushing his chest. Michael didn’t know how long he stood there, cradling his face and trying to think, but not comprehending anything around him, but eventually his brain caught up and he realized he did not want to be in that room right then. So, he ran.

--

Raphael had taught him some breathing techniques to help with panic attacks, but he couldn’t remember them. He guessed he actually had to breathe for them, which he wasn’t doing. All he was doing was sitting in a ball on the floor of his room trying to crush his feeling out. How typical of him, really, to fuck everything up. Now what? He had just cut ties with the only other person he felt a true connection with and now he was well and truly going to die lonely when The End came. That was always the plan; a murder suicide with Lucifer, but he’d thought there would be some pride when he went? Someone who he was fighting for? He didn’t know. He did know it was all his fault. Everything was his fault, no matter who he assigned blame to.

When he finally stopped crying, Michael sat very still. The apathy that came after such a strong release was always welcome. He breathed. And then he got up, washed his face and then went to his personal office to get some work done. He was nothing if not a good angel. Perfect in the eyes of the public.

Numb to everything that wasn’t directly in front of him, Michael actually got a lot done. The shuffling of paper and scratching of his pen was a pleasant relief compared to the chaos of his own thoughts that he was used to. He didn’t even hear the door to his office open, didn’t feel the presence of someone else in the room until they came to where he was organizing paperwork into the proper bins and gently grabbed both of his arms.

Oh, Michael could recognize Gabriel’s hands anywhere. They were hands he trusted completely with everything from a nice manicure to executing an offender of the faith. The only problem was he didn’t know what Gabriel was going to do with those hands. So, he stood completely still at Gabriel’s mercy for the second time that day.

“Turn around.” Gabriel said, taking the rest of the files from Michael and tossing them out of reach. Michael couldn’t discern anything from his voice, really only comprehending that he was very close to his ears, so, he did what he was told.

“Look at me.” he said next, as Michael found the trinkets on his desk a better study. When he didn’t listen, Gabe let go of the shelving he was pining him to and put one hand on the side of his face. It didn’t take a lot of pressure to tilt his head so their eyes met. It frightened Michael to see how stormy Gabriel’s eyes were. Dark, alluring, and troubled were not something he’d normally say about Gabriel, but now only those words applied. There was something else too, his jaw was clenched, as if he were holding his tongue, or arguing with himself.

Michael never got the chance to ask about it, because Gabriel leaned in, parted his lips, closed his eyes and kissed him.  The fog of apathy flushed out of him immediately and he felt everything; the warmth of Gabe’s hands on his cheek, the way his other hand lifted from the table and came to rest on his waist, the smooth silk of his own clothes against his body, heat coming from everywhere and, oh lord, his lips. The clouds couldn’t compare to the softness of Gabe’s lips on his, he could spend an eternity in this moment and it would never be enough.

The kiss (they’re first kiss), of course, did not last an eternity. It was only when Gabe moved away from him that Michael realized he didn’t close his eyes, or move towards him or do… anything. Kisses always looked magnetic, so why didn’t it fix everything between them? Michael felt a knot forming in his stomach and it only grew heavier as Gabe opened his eyes to gauge his reaction.

They were still standing so close that their breaths were shared. So, Michael only had to whisper when he said;

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you want to?” Gabe quipped back, tilting his head to the side. He was being completely serious.

“Wh-What?” He really wished his eyes were the bright emerald green they were usually.

Gabe’s grip on Michael’s waist tightened and the storm behind his eyes grew. “Do you want to understand?”

Of course he did. His cheek still burned from where Gabe hit him and the shaking anxiety from his panic attack never left completely, if he understood then maybe they really could make this work. Whatever this could be. Or he could fuck it up.

“No.” He said, and closed the gap between them.

Almost immediately he was shoved back into the shelving with Gabe’s hands clawing at his skin and teeth biting his lips. Heat rushed through his entire body as Gabe pressed up against him, ground up against him leaving his full intent out into the open.

God, since when could he move like that? Michael thought as he opened his mouth and let Gabriel’s tongue meet his own. Gabe’s piercing clicked on his teeth, setting off another wave of heat down his spine. He’d always wondered what it would be like to feel Gabe’s piercing in his mouth. One of his own hands slipped behind Gabe’s chiton and laid flat against his chest while the other raked through his hair. He almost wished Gabriel hadn’t cut his hair short, he would have love to pull on the curls, but the deep moan that came out of him made up for it.

Gabriel’s tongue was on his lips, and then his lips were on his jaw, kissing a line up and then down his neck, Michael could barely catch his breath, the way he gasped at every press of his mouth on sensitive skin. Even when Gabe slowed down to focus on a spot at the base of his neck, Michael didn’t complain, especially as Gabe’s leg pressed in between his own. Michael didn’t realize how hot his body felt, certainly didn’t realize how hard he was, how hard both of them were, but it was all he could think about as Gabe’s hands slid lower and started groping his ass, gathering the fabric of his skirt between his fingers.

Humans always made this stuff look strange, Michael didn’t get all the moaning and begging and crying out. The ‘losing control’ part never made sense to him either, but there was nothing controlled about the sounds he made now; broken whispers begging to be understood as wanting more. He wanted more of this, whatever this ended up being and he wanted Gabriel there to guide him through it all.

Naturally, that’s when Gabriel pulled away. Michael didn’t think he could fall for him anymore, but the vines he always compared his love to bloomed in such a vivid way. The messed up hair, the dilated pupils, the reddened lips, the way he dragged his eyes down every inch of him; it could have destroyed him and made him whole all at once.

“Tonight.” Gabe said. “I’ll meet you in your room.” It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a statement either.

“Yes.” He nodded, but when he felt Gabriel leaning away from him, asked “But why?”

He straightened himself up, making eye contact as he grazed his crotch and nodded towards his desk. “You still have work to do.”

--

The afternoon passed as quickly as he’d expected it to, which is not very quick at all. After getting himself fixed up, Michael found he could not possibly focus on anything other than events prior. It didn’t matter what he put in front of himself, all he could think about was how this whole thing wasn’t good. It’s exactly want he wanted in his deepest and most sinful dreams; a physical relationship with his millennia-long love—but he’d only let himself pin for a romantic one, chaste save for a few kisses. They both were angels after all. This… This wasn’t even love, he thought. Especially not in the way silence grew serious between them when they parted. Lovers didn’t do that… they talked at the very least.

No. This was lust. And he found that he was ok with it… he wanted to be ok with it.

Eventually he got up and left his office. The empty hallways of his home echoing his footsteps, he tried not to think about it. He paced around his room a bit, wishing Gabriel had been more exact about ‘tonight.’ Did he mean at sunset? Or closer to midnight? Were they just… going to get straight to it? Or… what? Was Michael expecting to be taken out on a date? Please. Gabe was probably just going to get off and then leave. He would be lucky if it was a mutual thing.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking. How would it happen? Was he expected to do anything? How did Gabriel know how to move his body like that? Eventually, just about when he thought he’d lose it, Michael caved and looked up what to expect.

The internet was, as usual, very helpful, but by the end of his searching his mind was even more frayed than before. He decided to take a shower. A long one just to calm himself down and … maybe to… test some of the things he read.

By the time Gabriel arrived, Michael had taken a long shower, dried and dressed himself and even put on what he hoped was subtle perfume and straightened up his room. Everything was, hopefully, perfect. He was halfway through setting up two glasses of wine --because he did keep wine in his room now-- when the knock came.

“Come in,” He said casually, almost forgetting the situation they were in.

He heard the door open and close, but there came no greeting, so when Michael turned around to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, he was surprised to find Gabriel outright staring at him. He looked the same as he did before, except now he carried a bag with him. Michael, however, did dress up. Or down. It depends on how you look at it. He still wore his chiton, but in a more traditional way that showed off more of his chest and thighs. He also wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

He swallowed and turned back to the wine, wishing his body didn’t blush so much under Gabriel’s intense stare. But he faced it again, this time with a bottle of wine in his hands.

“I thought that we could have a drink?” His voice faltered and he stood rather awkwardly and small.

That seemed to break Gabe out of his trance. He dropped off his bag on the bed and approached him with an even gaze. Stopping right in front of him, he took the bottle from his hands and set it down.

“No… No more wine.” He said in that deep tone that put butterflies in his stomach. Upon seeing his reaction, Gabe added, “I’d rather have you right now.”

And to that Michael could only say one thing.

“Please.”

--

And now here they were, Gabriel leaving bite marks and hickeys on his neck while he pushed up against him so that every nerve was on fire, begging for more. Michael twisted and strained on the ropes tying his wrists to the bedposts, trying to catch his breath. But whenever he did manage a moment clarity, Gabriel would do something else to make him jump and moan beneath him. He was playing with his nipples now and dragging his fingernails down his sides. He still hadn’t taken off his clothes yet, but by now they might as well be ruined, soaked through with each other’s sweat and precum. Michael moaned again as Gabe slapped his thighs, by now he wasn’t afraid of being loud, he wanted Gabe to know exactly what he felt.

“Please.” He begged again, not expecting an answer but praying for one anyway. His legs shook underneath Gabe’s firm hands as he kept them pressed to the bed, no matter how many times he coaxed Gabe forward, to rub their cocks together, for any friction at all, he still denied him.

“Please, what?” he said into his ear, “Aren’t I giving you everything you want?” The honey in his voice made Michael shiver.

“Yes, God yes! But please… fuck- please touch me. I need you.” He captured his lips again for a messy kiss.

Gabe pulled away. “Greedy, much?” He kissed a line down his body, then above his navel, “You really are a whore.”

Michael gasped as the sash at his hips was untied and thrown aside. His whole body throbbed with need at the silent promise. “Only for you.”

Gabe lifted the remaining fabric and breathed in the wet spot where his precum soaked through. “Is that so? All of this is for me?” He gently pulled the fabric away from his body, finally leaving Michael bare and spread wide for him. His dick fully erect, leaking and red, begging for release by any means.

Michael shifted under his gaze, looking down on him like he owned him. He only hoped he looked as beautifully desperate as Gabriel did. “Of course.”

Gabe nodded and took off the rest of his own clothes. His hands traveled up and down his glistening tan body, fulfilling a desire that Michael wished he could do instead. How many times had Michael wanted to run his fingers up and down the curves of Gabriel’s toned body? He couldn’t remember at that moment. If he didn’t like his wrists being tied up so much, he might have asked to be untied.

When he got to his dick though, he only traced light lines with his fingertips, moaning and biting his lips in pure ecstasy. It was a sight to behold, the lines of precum hanging on his fingers, the trail of ginger hair cropping his dick. ‘Heavenly’ could hardly cover it.

Michael let out a groan and Gabe stopped, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“My eyes are up here.”

“Fuck me already.”

That earned him another slap on the inside of his thighs, he bucked and noted the way his cock bounced in the air. Did everything have to be so erotic? Gabriel reached back to the bag he brought, the one that also had the rope, and pulled out a small bottle of lube and a condom. Now that they were on track, Gabe wasted no time in slicking his fingers up, propping up Michael’s legs and sliding said fingers up and down his ass, even grabbing his balls for good measure. Michael thought about biting into his own arm to stop from crying out too loud, but instead just lifted his legs higher. The house was empty anyway.

Gabe let out a satisfying hum and pressed a finger inside him. It felt as strange as it did when he practiced in the shower, but god was it so much better.

“Take deep breaths. I’m just stretching you out now.” He said, smiling to himself and kissing Michael’s calf. “It would be a shame if you finished now.”

“It wouldn’t be my fault. I didn’t know how much you liked teasing.” Or slapping or bondage or powerplay or literally anything. Then again, he himself didn’t realize how much he’d like those things too, much less being on the receiving end. He took a deep breath. And another. Then, the question that was haunting him slipped from his mouth. “How do you know how to do this?” he blurted out.

“Hm?” Gabriel looked away from him, suddenly abashed, as if he wasn’t massaging his asshole for his pleasure and use. “I uh. I watched some videos.”

And to that Michael laughed, more genuine than he had in a while.

“What?” Gabe took the opportunity to insert another finger, stopping his laughter with pain and pleasure. How cruel!

“Nothing! I just…” He turned his head to hide his face in is arms. “I watched some videos too.”

“Really?” The quality in his voice changed. It had been changing from when they made out in his office to now… it felt like they were talking normally with each other, like friends… or, well, like lovers. It helped that he was smiling now, not quite a joyful or mischievous smile, but a quaint one. As if they both were taking each other in with a new light.

“Yeah… I practiced some too.” He could share that, right?

“Oh… did you…?”

“No. I was… saving that for you.”

“Oh.” Was all he said, hiding his quiet delight behind adding in another finger inside of him.

They stayed like that for a while, Gabe stretching him out gently while Michael sighed and kept his breathing relaxed. Gabe never pushed his fingers in deep, even though Michael thrusted his thighs up, trying to convince Gabe to finger fuck him a little. After a few minutes, Michael was craving for something thicker and longer. Even so, he was not ready for how cold, empty and gapping he’d feel when Gabe’s fingers left him.

“Ready?” Gabe asked as he slid the condom on and poured more lube onto his hand. He bit his swollen lips and he slicked up his shaft; he wasn’t the only one that was denied.

“More than.” He angled himself up more and welcomed Gabe’s steady hand bracing on his red thighs. There was a moment of blissful silence as Gabe lined himself up, only broken by the feeling on his head pressing up against his hole and pushing in. They both moaned.

Gabe was gentle going in, pushing forward and pulling back bit by bit. His whole body jerked as he guessed his prostate was hit, he read that it felt like sparks shooting across the body and by God was that right. He rocked his hips up even harder now. Michael had never felt so full, never felt the need to be, but when Gabe bottomed out and rutted against his hips, he felt as if he’d need this the rest of his life. Is this what it felt like to be truly connected? To be full and content with your lover? It felt cheesy to even think, but he imagined soulmates felt like this.

Michael moaned even louder as Gabe pulled halfway out and slid down faster. Again and again he felt sparks as his lover’s wet hips slammed into his own. The noises they made were obscene and only made worse when Gabe leaned over him to get a better angle. Now he could feel Gabe’s hot breath on his face and see just how gone he was, which made the heat pooling in his own stomach twist and flood his senses. This was started to be too much.

“Touch me!” He begged, straining on his wrists again. “Oh, please I want to come. Please let me come.” He had to have this, he’d waited so long; Michael needed this.

“Oh fuck.” Gabe moaned and leaned down to bite at his neck once more. “Beg for me. I’m so close.”

“Please, Gabriel, I wanna… I wanna feel you come inside me, I want your hands pumping my dick until I scream. I want you. I need you Please. Please. Please!”

Michael’s breathy cries grew more erratic along with Gabriel’s pace. The wet slapping of skin filled the room until Gabe cried out and shook with his orgasm. Michael pushed up against him, writhing around his partner’s twitching cock, until Gabe collapsed onto him and gasping for breath, oversensitive and spent.

“Fuck.” He gasped as he lifted himself up and crashed his mouth on Michael’s. His lips screamed desperation. His hands trembled as he grabbed Michael’s cock and pumped at a horrifically fast pace. Michael gasped against his mouth and bucked, arching his back as much as he could. When his orgasm hit, he froze, coming quickly in Gabe’s hand before opening his eyes again and melting into the bed. Only then did Gabe slide out of him and collapse. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, and then the only thing he could do was breathe. His mind and body spent.

They laid together for a few minutes, Gabe resting on top of him, both of them basking in the afterglow. Michael felt sticky and sore and empty but didn’t feel like moving, and honestly, if they laid like that for the rest of the night, he would be completely fine with that.

As if reading his thoughts, Gabriel kissed his jaw and lifted himself up. How he went from blitzed out to composed Michael couldn’t guess, but he noted the way Gabe still trembled. “We should… clean up.” He emphasized this by taking his hand—still covered in Michael’s cum – and dragged his tongue up his index finger. He made a face and shrugged, “It doesn’t taste that good.”

Michael huffed. “I’m sorry I’m not made of sugar.”

“Hm. But those noises you made were so sweet.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Untie me, please.” He didn’t thing he could play anymore games.

“Just a second.” He peeled off the condom and made to get off the bed.

“Where are you going?” A bolt of dread shot up his spine; he wasn’t leaving, was he? Not tied up to the bed and out in the open?

“Bathroom, Michael. Getting a towel and washing my hands. Also, you’re sticky.”

“And whose fault is that?” he tried shove his anxiety back into its box.

He didn’t get a reply, just a hum and a good view of Gabe’s back side as he walked to the room adjacent and cleaned himself up. He wasn’t even out of sight, keeping the bathroom door wide open, but Michael still felt tendrils of doubt writhe in his chest.

He put on a smile as he walked back holding two warm towelette—because yes, Michael had towelettes on hand. They’re nice to have— He was still surprised when Gabriel cleaned him instead of just untying his wrists and letting him handle his own ‘sticky’ body. Somehow this seemed more intimate than what they just finished doing, especially how gentle Gabe lifted his legs to get a better angle. The warm towel felt wonderful on his abused butt and dick, more so than he thought it would. After getting his lower half he used the other towelette to press on his neck, which had much the same effect. Michael didn’t think that a warm towelette would make the deep bite marks and bruises heal right away, but it was like a gentle kiss. He didn’t think Gabe would be so kind to him.

“Whats wrong, Michael?” Gabe’s calm voice cut through the silence. He didn’t meet his eyes as he asked.

What should he say to that? Everything was wrong, they just—they just had sex! They didn’t even talk about it before hand they just… did it! And this morning he was pretty sure Gabe hated him and Michael… he didn’t know what he wanted to do with anything. No one could find out, he was sure of that… but did that mean he had to forget this whole night happened? All in all his life was falling apart! He didn’t want to push his last lifeline away.

“I’m fine.” He smiled. He tried not to panic as the mood shifted over Gabriel. He could see the clouds over his eyes again. Shit shit shit of course he’d ruin it. “I-“ He started, frantically thinking about what would make this right. “I just want you to stay.” Pathetic.

That seemed to work, though it hurt to say, but he didn’t get an answer right away. Instead, Gabe moved up to his arms and finally undid the rope. Michael hissed as he moved his freed wrists again.

“Oh, I brought something for that.” Gabe said, reaching for his bag once again. He produced a bottle of lotion and applied some to his hands before taking one of Michael’s and massaging it. It felt good, though much like the towel still at his neck, he didn’t think it would do much. They fell into a lull again. Michael felt as if he could fall sleep, if not for the unanswered question weighing on his mind.

“What do you want to do with the cover?”

“Hm?”

“The duvet is… wet.”

“Oh… just throw it to the ground, I’ll clean it tomorrow.” Or he’ll just burn it, whatever.

“Ok.” Gabe let go of his hands and began to pull back the blanket beneath them. Ideally, they should have taken it off beforehand, but they weren’t really thinking logically then, just about how to make each other shake with pleasure. Michael sat up and helped kick the thick blanket to the ground. His ass hurt and his whole body was sore, scratched up and bruised, but at least he was clean-ish. He had honestly never felt so… exhausted before. Satisfied but still so wanting. Maybe he was a selfish whore. He pulled back more blankets from the front of the bed and crawled underneath him, not caring to put on clothes or turn off the dim lights still illuminating his room.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the heaviness he felt all around him versus the sounds of Gabriel sliding off the bed and walking away. It didn’t really work, he still felt hot tears behind his eyes and tried biting the inside of his lip to keep from making noise. If Gabriel wanted to leave, then who was he to stop him? He knew this wasn’t good. He should be happy that he got to have sex with him at all. A check off the bucket list and all that.

But he didn’t leave. Michaels eyes snaped open as he felt a thumb wipe away his tears. Gabe was hovering above him, looking somewhere between tired and concerned; he’d just turn off the lights. Michael wanted to laugh because of how ridiculous he was being. Or cry.

But he didn’t. He shifted over and let Gabriel slide under the covers with him. It was awkward, they were both naked and wasn’t sure how get comfortable like this, but they soon settled down where Michael was laying on Gabe’s chest and they were tracing shapes on each other’s arms.

He was about to drift off when Gabe muttered, half to himself, “I could love you.”

That didn’t feel as bad as it could to Michael. “That’s all I need.” His words slurred together before he dropped into darkness. He’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.

--

Gabriel didn’t know why he did this anymore than Michael probably did. All Gabe wanted was a release, something he thought he could only have with Anthea. A stress reliever, maybe. A good fuck before the world went to shit. He tried to ignore the darker thoughts he had that day, where he pushed Michael over the edge and left him to shatter on the ground. Or the ones where he’d hurt Michael outright to finally get across all of the hurt he’d experienced at his now-lover’s hands. But there was something—a spark? – when they kissed, and a shift when they actually talked to each other. No masks, no pretenses. Just feelings; whatever they happened to be.

And Gabe remembered how Michael used to be. Fun, genuine, loving. He remembered the quiet nights where they watched the sky and how Michael would, very obviously, check him out. The way he always seemed to prefer either him or Lucifer. This whole thing was ridiculous; of course Michael loved him, it was so obvious. So why did Gabe react like that this morning? He didn’t know. He didn’t want to think about it anymore than he already had.

Gabe wasn’t lying when he said he could love him, but he wouldn’t lie and say that he loved him now. His heart was recently broken and, the tattoo of Anthea’s name was barely over a month old. Before today, he believed it too soon for anything new. Obviously, another part of him disagreed, but he would save those thoughts for another time. Gabriel kissed Michael’s head and fell asleep with him in his arms. He’ll have to see what the next day brought.

____

a doodle:

#satan and me #naughtysam #gabemike #my writing #dam im proud of this #i actually wrote a boink #huh #miracles do happen

[dontshootmespence]

Never Saw Blue Like That Before

Summary: With Michael gone from the far reaches of Dean’s mind, Cas decides to tell his best friend - the man he rose from hell - his true feelings. He’s been in love with him for years and he’s pretty sure Dean feels the same way. Dean does, but being Dean, his first instinct is to push the man he loves away.

Pairing: Destiel

Word Count: 2,455

Warnings: Idiots that pine for each other and won’t admit it, angst, smut, part canon compliant and part canon divergent, oral sex, anal sex, lube, all the touching, I think that’s it :D

A/N: For those of you 18 and over! Some Destiel smangst that fulfills my Destiel square for @spnkinkbingo, mutual pining for @spnfluffbingo​ even tho it’s more angtsy mutual pining, @stusbunker‘s Break My Heart Challenge using the prompt “Save me the sob story!” (That was a 2019 challenge, oops, I’m sorry Stu I love you) and the song prompt (no lyrics) Never Saw Blue Like That Before by Shawn Colvin for @impala-dreamer​‘s Make Me Feel It Challenge. Italics are flashbacks in chronological order. 

Beta’d by: @67-chevy-baby​ Thanks a million!

Few things were certain.

One certainty is that they would be fighting forever. And the other was Cas’ longtime feelings for the man he raised from hell. Michael was gone, cast out from Dean - for now. But there were no guarantees. 

Cas swallowed the lump in his throat and knocked steadily on the door to Dean’s room. When he opened it, Dean shuttered slightly, as if he hadn’t expected Cas to be there. “Cas,” he said, voice soft and low. “What’s up?” He injected a levity into his voice that was unnatural and they both knew it. 

“Can I come in?” Cas asked, not waiting for an answer. 

A small huff of laughter escaped Dean’s lips. “Yea, sure.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Cas questioned. Quite the stupid question all things considering, but he couldn’t get the other words to come out yet.

“Well, Michael vacated my meat suit and I have no freakin’ idea why. He’s still out there. And I have no idea what he’s planning on next, so you know, could be better.” He had his hands on his hips, his lip trembling as he tried so hard to control the myriad of thoughts rolling through his head. 

For a moment, Dean glanced up, chancing a look at one of the two people he trusted most in the world. In all his years, all the people he’d met, all the things he’d seen, there’d never been a feeling closer to peace than when he’d looked in the angel’s eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Cas forced the words out. “Dean, there’s something you need to know. When you let Michael in, I was so afraid I’d never get the chance to say it, so I’m saying it now regardless of the consequences. I...love you.”

“Yea, I know you do, Cas,” Dean said, immediately on the defensive. He turned away a degree, hoping to hide himself from the angel, but after 10 years, he was wise to Dean’s mannerisms. 

Cas reached for Dean’s arm and yanked him back to face him. “No, not just as my best friend. Not just as the man I raised from hell. I-”

“No, no, no, no.” Dean mumbled to himself as he began to pace around the room. This couldn’t be happening. Of course, he loved Cas, he could barely remember a time when he didn’t, but... “Cas, you’re just glad I’m okay, that’s all this is.”

“No it isn’t!” The angel replied, his voice rising ever so slightly. He assumed Sam was still out of the bunker, but if he wasn’t Cas didn’t want to grab his attention. “Dean, that is not what this is. This has been sitting in my head for years. Every time I thought about saying something, another apocalypse was on the horizon or another monster needed to be slain, but that’s our lives and I couldn’t live anymore without getting it out of me.”

Dean bellowed, “Save me the sob story, Cas!” He combed his hands through his hair, still flecked with dirt and grime. The seraph flinched, taking a step back. Cas had no idea what he was saying. “We can’t! Not now, not ever!”

Before Cas could say or do anything, try and salvage whatever it was that they had, Dean barreled out of his room and out of the bunker, leaving Cas distraught and the nearby Sam saddened at his brother’s trademark stubbornness.  

                                                          --------

It was a dream. That much he knew. But he didn’t care. All Dean cared about was the slight breeze that came off the lake, the fishing pole in his hand and the sudden coolness at his back - the angel that permeated his dreams. “Hey Cas,” he said softly. “Why are you here?” It’s not what he wanted to say. What he wanted to say was ‘stay here’ and ‘let’s not move ever again,’ because this was perfect. 

But cowardice always won out. Put a knife in his hand and a demon at his back and he’d tackle that head on. But he couldn’t say those few simple words when the angel was near. 

“I have something I need to tell you,” Cas replied. There was so much he needed to say. How much humanity had already changed him. How much Dean had changed him and made him better. But that wasn’t why he was here. “We need to meet somewhere safe.”

Dean’s lip curved upward into a smile, the irony apparent. “Cas, we’re in my head.”

“And if I can be here, nothing says someone else can’t be here.” After handing Dean the paper, fingers brushing against the calloused skin of Dean’s right hand, Cas left - every word he wanted to say bottled up in the back of his mind for whenever the time was right.

                                                           --------

Leaned up against the Impala with a beer in his hand should’ve left Dean content, but with Sam in the pit and no conceivable way to get him out, Dean was lost. He tipped the bottle to his lips and took a swig when the familiar flap of Cas’ wings sounded behind him. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.” He wanted to ask how he was, but he knew the answer. And he also wanted to say so much, but with Dean in pain it didn’t seem right to complicate things. “Why are you out here alone?”

Dean dipped down to the cooler next to him and popped a bottle open for Cas. “I’m not alone. Just needed to breathe. I was in a similar field like this with Sam when we were kids. We set off fireworks even though Dad would’ve been pissed. It was one of the best days of my life.”

“We’ll get him back, Dean.” If it killed him, he’d get Sam back for the man he loved. “I promise.”

“I know,” Dean replied. They would find a way, but he wasn’t about to lose Bobby or Cas in the process. “You didn’t have to check in on me, you know.”

Cas drank the bitter liquid and smiled, his face hidden in the shadows of the night. “I wanted to.”

                                                            --------

As Cas followed behind Dean and the vampire, he pushed Dean’s protestations out of his mind. ‘I’m not leaving you behind. You'll get through.’

He wouldn’t. Deep down, Cas knew that the wormhole out of Purgatory wouldn’t allow him out. Dean was a human. Purgatory wanted him gone; it was desperate to spit him out. But Cas was an angel - a monster like any other. After all he’d done in heaven and on earth, he deserved to stay here with the rest of the world’s monsters.

“There it is,” Benny pointed out, the blue wormhole in the distance teeming with life and possibilities for anyone that managed to pass through it. 

Before him, Dean and Benny conducted the ritual so that Dean could carry his new friend through the portal. “Alright, Cas, come on.”

Reluctantly, he stepped forward, only to have his attention turned backward when the leviathan landed just paces away. He hurried his friend toward the portal, ready to push him through alone at any moment. 

Dean stepped into the swirling blue light, ready to do anything necessary to bring Cas through with him, but the angel saw the situation for what it was - an untimely death for them both.

“Go!” Cas screamed, pushing Dean through the portal.

After all that had transpired between them, all the ways he had let Dean down, the least he could do was get him back to his brother. With or without him.

                                                           --------

A stark white blinded Dean’s eyes when the blade pierced through Cas’ chest, his eyes burning bright before the light went out. 

He’d screamed himself raw that night, cursing Chuck, Lucifer, and the world as a whole for taking Cas away from him. When Cas was stabbed, Dean lost a part of himself, his heart disappearing into a black hole. He used to believe that losses were part of the job, but after losing Cas, he couldn’t make sense of it anymore.

The sharp ring of his phone jarred him awake, his head knocking against the glass. “You okay?” Sam asked. 

No. “Yea, I’m fine,” Dean replied, lifting the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

A familiar voice told him to turn down the next block and although everything in him was telling him this was impossible, a trick, or just something too good to be true, he forced Sam to turn down the street without any explanation. “What is it?” Sam asked. “Dean, what’s happening?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. If there was even the smallest chance, Dean was going to take it, no matter the risk of disappointment. 

Near a payphone halfway down the block, the silhouetted figure of the trenchcoat-wearing angel caught the brothers’ eyes. Sam slammed on the brakes. “Cas?”

Sam immediately gathered the angel into his embrace, while the older stared through glassy eyes, afraid to believe them. “Cas,” he breathed as he held onto his angel for dear life. There was so much he needed to say. He wanted to tell him that when the light in his eyes went out, his own heart forgot to keep beating, but nothing would come out. Instead, he hugged him tighter, hoping to never let go.

                                                          --------

Dean stormed back into the bunker hours later without a passing glance at Sam, a bottle of bourbon in his hand and a blanket of guilt wrapped around his shoulders. When he opened the door to his room, he hoped to see Cas, to finally say all the things he should’ve said so long ago, but the door opened to an empty room. 

Closing the door behind him, Dean tipped the amber liquid into his mouth, thankful for the familiar burn, almost as familiar as the layer of guilt he’d worn for so many years. Cas, I’m sorry, he whispered to himself. “I wish I’d had the balls to tell you how I felt a long time ago, but I’m a coward, I’ve-”

A quick flap of Cas’ wings brought Dean’s attention to the angel’s presence. “Dean Winchester, you are not a coward.” Though his deep blue eyes teemed with tears, his words were adamant. “I did not raise a coward. I have not been stuck by a coward’s side for the past ten years. I-”

“Cas, I didn’t call you. How?”

“I heard you.”

Dean placed the bottle of bourbon on the nightstand next to his bed, his gaze following suit, the heaviness of the moment too much for him to bear just yet. The desire to just be was at war with his desire to protect, to push away. “Michael could come back, Cas. You could-”

“That’s my choice,” he retorted. In the forest green eyes of the man he loved, he saw his feelings reflected, but years of loss made him painfully hesitant. Cas took a step closer and swallowed the growing lump in his throat. “Dean, we’re always fighting. Always. Let’s face it, we don’t know anything else at this point, but-”

“But at least we’d have each other,” Dean finished.

Dean finally allowed himself to lock eyes with Cas - the feeling familiar and calming, yet always sent his heart racing. 

Not another word was spoken as Cas backed Dean into the wall of his room, his lips hungrily searching for Dean’s. He’d thought Dean would be hesitant, but he wasn’t. His hands searched for Cas’ shirt, fingers hurriedly unbuttoning as he pulled the material free and moaned into the angel’s mouth. 

Cas lifted the hem of Dean’s shirt, grazing his fingers along the scar-ridden skin before pulling the material over his head. When he laid his hand on the mark he’d left on Dean’s shoulder so long ago, Dean switched their positions and pushed Cas back into the wall.

As Dean dropped to his knees, Cas threw his tie to the ground and let his coat and shirt pool behind him. Dean pulled Cas’ cock free of his pants and pushed them down around his ankles, taking the tip into his mouth while he watched Cas’ mouth drop open. 

Dean grazed his hand up Cas’ thigh and cupped his balls, running his finger between them while his tongue swirled around the length of him. Cas’ hand fell gently onto the mark on Dean’s shoulder, making him feel wanted, loved, safe. He looked up through thick lashes and pushed down further, not caring about the wanton noises he was making or the mess they’d have to clean up later. 

Cas braced himself up against the wall and slipped his hands into Dean’s hair, watching with rapt attention as Dean pulled back to take a deep breath before returning to his task of making the angel come undone. “Fuck,” Cas breathed.

Hearing Cas’s voice pushed Dean to take him down further, go faster, but Cas wasn’t about to let this be over that quickly. Not after 10 years. He slipped his hand under Dean’s chin and guided him to a standing position.

Dean’s lips were slick with spit, eyes glassy as he walked backward toward the bed. Cas pulled on his bottom lip, hands skating up the length of his spine before he pushed him down on the bed and grabbed some lubricant from Dean’s side drawer. 

Moaning, Dean dug his shoulders into the bed as Cas massaged the lube into his skin. “It’s been ten years, Cas. No more foreplay.”

Cas chuckled, expecting nothing less from the man he loved. Bending down, he kissed Dean and he slipped his cock passed the tight right of muscle. They moaned into each other’s mouths, grasping for each other and the surrounding sheets as Cas pumped himself inside Dean. 

Underneath the angel, Dean reached down to cup Cas’ balls as they slapped against his ass. “Fuckin hell, Cas.”

“You’ve always had a mouth on you,” he replied with a laugh. 

Dean spoke on a moan. “You think that’d change now?”

There was some kind of a response floating around in Cas’ head, but as Dean clenched around him all thought disappeared, his control waning despite his best efforts. He wanted this to last longer, to memorize the sounds he made, the way he tasted like whiskey, the feel of his muscles straining under his touch, but Dean pulled him down into a kiss so hungry it broke Cas’ resolve.

When Cas came, he wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock and pumped him hard, silencing his cry with a kiss when Dean finally let go. With a satisfied sigh, a heavy weight lifting from his soul, Dean slid back into his spot on the bed, tapping next to him. “Stay?” He asked.

“Where else would I go?”

#i broke stu #make me feel it challenge #spnkinkbingo #spnkinkbingo2020 #spnfluffbingo #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #destiel #dean winchester x castiel #destiel smut #destiel angst #mutual pining #dontshootmespence #never saw blue like that before

[theexecutionerssong]

Hey Gaëlle ! Est-ce-que tu aurais des recommendations de fic Destiel ? Sans trop de smut, surtout pas beta/Omega (c'est même plus du smut à ce niveau-là...) et beaucoup de pining ? ( Je devrai être en train de réviser mes partiels d'ailleurs... 😅). Merci beaucoup ! 😌

Hellooo ! Alors tu as frappé à la bonne porte parce que je lis jamais de smut, ou alors quand c’est dans des longues fics, je passe juste ces passages là. (mais j’aime beaucoup les fic a/b/o qui ont pas de smut, parce que les sentiments sont quintuplés donc pining + angst on a whole other level). Y’a peu de fluff dans mes fics préférées, love me some angsty life and death moments, mais ça finit toujours bien. Enfin. Vérifie les tags quand même :)))) J’ai mis les liens, si y’a pas c’est qu’elles ont été supprimées mais j’ai les pdf donc hit me up.Et révise tes partiels !!!!

CANON

A turn of the earth -https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138552/chapters/11825306

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

Probably my favorite fic set in Canon. It’s set around season 11, and I love how we dive into Dean’s past pre-series and then as time goes by, we catch up with the show timeline’s. It’s incredibly well written.

525,600 Minutes - https://archiveofourown.org/works/507228/chapters/892693

A man wakes up alone on the streets of Detroit. Lost and somehow forgotten, he's dressed in blood-soaked clothing without memories and without a name.

This is his journey to find it.

It was first published in 2012 set after s5, but it was rewritten last year. I still have the old version for nostalgia’s sake but the new version is even better. It’s got some amnesia so great for pining :))))

The inexhaustible silence of houses -https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh.

But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Listen, I cried. I cried SO MUCH. There was a lil fandom war going on for a time between which was the hardest, this one or Twist and Shout, and both destroy me completely. But this one is set in canon and closer to the characters, to me, so I’ll always recommend this one first (unless you want a happy ending, in which case, don’t read it)

Only if for a night - https://archiveofourown.org/works/826303

Castiel is captured by a djinn. Dean goes slightly crazy, and Cas discovers a thing or two about himself.

I’m a sucker for Dean/Cas in Djinn verse and this one is by far my favorite.

The Bird That Feels The Light (not slash) https://archiveofourown.org/works/210860

AU from 5.18 (or thereabouts). Castiel awakens in the middle of a smoking crater, stranded and very much human. According to the people who have discovered him, it’s six months to the day after Michael and Lucifer faced off on the field of battle outside of Detroit, and Castiel isn’t the only one to have returned. When, at his insistence, they take him to this other person, he finds a child –a little boy– and realizes that, contrary to all his expectations, he has been reunited with Dean Winchester. The world has changed in their absence, and not for the better. Sam is gone, whether dead or simply missing is uncertain. Castiel is given the name of a man in Idaho who may have answers for him. He is faced with the task of travelling cross-country with Dean, who is dependent on him now in ways he never was before, in order to discover the truth. But along the way, as he and Dean learn to know and trust each other once more, Castiel begins to realize that the answers he thought he wanted might not be the ones he needs.

It’s not slash at all since Dean is a kid but I’ve read it probably about 20 times and I still love it as the first time. There’s just something about human Castiel carrying a 4 year old Dean across the world and fighting monsters and demons and humans to survive that gets to me.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - https://archiveofourown.org/works/747324

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.) A post-08.17 Goodbye, Stranger story.

If you want pining, this one is definitely for you.

Last Man Standing - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8363328/1/Last-Man-Standing

This one is set just after the season 7 finale, it’s a Purgatory fic with so.much.pining I always need to hold a pillow to my chest when I read it or I go insane sdfghjkl I haven’t read it in probably 4 years but I remember absolutely loving it.

Outrun my gun - https://archiveofourown.org/works/281887/chapters/448388

"The two of you are so stubborn you've made Heaven blink." Finally convinced that Sam and Dean will never say yes and accept their destinies, Heaven and Hell come up with a new plan, one that will redraw the Apocalypse and make everything run much more smoothly. All they need is Dean Winchester's soul.

Don’t mind the MCD tag, it’s got a happy ending. Also a classic set in canon, it’s from 2011 so quite oldish but it’s incredible how the characterization is on point. Love love love it.

AU

Tramps Like Us

Dean Winchester's life is falling apart. He's lost his job, his apartment, and his brother, all in one day. He seems to break everything he touches. Frustrated and alone, he drives off into the night with no idea where he's headed. But then he meets Castiel Novak, a quiet and reclusive man with a haunted past, and suddenly he finds himself with a very specific destination in mind.

I feel like everyone has read Tramps Like Us but just in case, I’ll put it on the list. Not sure what I can say that hasn’t been said by half this website already but well… it deserves the hype.

Til The Last - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001935/chapters/1984189

When the war came, Dean Winchester was determined that he was not going to get involved. He had more important things to worry about than some rich man’s fight. He had work on the farm and he had taking care of his family. Nothing else was worth his worry. But in August in the Year of Our Lord 1863, when the soldiers came knocking, they weren’t asking. They dragged Dean away. 

Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids. When Dean is drafted into the Confederate army, to what lengths will Castiel go to ensure that Dean makes it back home alive?

OH BOY. OHHHHH I could talk about that one until the day I die. It’s a complete AU but it has great parallels to canon, it’s incredibly well written, humanity in all it’s ugly truth and “I will fight for you ‘til the last, Dean Winchester” jesus christ it’s so good, so good

Out of the Deep - https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

I love everything she writes but I think this one if my favorite. It’s sooooo long, and angsty as fuck but all ends well and it has some very fluffy moments. If you’re into this kinf of AU then 100% go for it.

To Raise a King - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961403

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

An AU too, Cas is tasked to watch over Sam and Dean -there’s an 8 year age difference between Dean and Cas. I loved it because it’s set over about 15 years and Cas is asexual and I love time period AU in general :’)

Painted Angels https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085792

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

This one is hard to read because for the most part, it’s heartbreaking. There are happy flashbacks all along but it’s still hard when what happens in the present it’s a fucking tragedy. But I would still read it a thousand times over, and the timestamp completely make up for all the pining and the angst. It’s rare to find fics that last an entire lifetime.

#gaelle parle #spn #fic rec #martineaualexia

[wincestreversebang]

2019 Mast Post

Title: Kingdom of Sam Artist: bluefire986 Author: Silvaxus Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Spoilers: Boyking!Sam, Demon!Dean, Sam rules Hell, angel wings, struggling Sam, Lucifer is a little shit, cursing, torture, dismembering, graphic torture and violence, Oral sex, rough oral sex, deepthroating, hair pulling, facial, cum eating, public nudity, public sex, topping from the bottom, reverse cowgirl, rough sex, Top Sam, Bottom Dean, name calling, masturbation, anal fingering, prostate play, prostate milking, forced orgasm, multiple orgasm Summary: They had won. They had won the war but every victory came with a price. When Sam overcame Lucifer’s control over his body and mind, Michael had been furious and the oldest of the archangels took his rage out on Dean before Sam’s mind cleared enough to protect his older brother. Geared with the power of an archangel, Sam defeated Michael and threw him down into the Cage while Lucifer was locked in a different prison. A prison built of Sam’s mind. The damage Michael had inflicted on Dean’s soul was too great but Sam had the whole power of a fallen archangel and Hell behind his back. Together they ruled Hell but sometimes...sometimes even the fiercest King needed the help of someone else to keep the madness at bay. Art: Live Journal | Tumblr | Ao3 Story: Tumblr | Ao3 Title: Light Up Artist: kuwlshadow Author: ellerkay Rating: R Warnings/Spoilers: Bittersweet ending, Stanford era, canon divergent, dreams, telepathic bond, telepathic sex Summary: Sam and Dean find themselves connected in an unexpected way. Art: Live Journal Story: Live Journal | Ao3 Title: Equilibirium Artist: tx_devilorangel Author: storyspinner70 Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Spoilers: Major Canon Divergence (Most of early to mid Season 14, but specifically 14:10-14:14), Angst, Explicit Sex, Wincest, Threesome, Light Humor) Summary: The Archangel Michael finally had Dean as his vessel and he wasn’t about to let him go. That was fine though because Sam and Rowena had an almost foolproof plan. And then it wasn’t. They started their spell with one Dean trapped in his own mind by Michael and ended it with five Deans – one of which still housed Michael and disappeared the second he could. While Rowena and crew were out looking for him, it was up to Sam to stay with the other four Deans and keep everyone in balance. No problem at all. Right? Art: Live Journal | Ao3 Story: Ao3 Title: Uniform Light Artist: tx_devilorangel Author: smalltrolven Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Spoilers: n/a Summary: Sam’s been in a coma since his Wall was taken down by Cas, Dean can’t just sit there and do nothing. So he enlists in the Marines. Art: Live Journal | Ao3 Story: Live Journal | Ao3 Title: Undoing the Winchesters Author: twoboys2love Artist: amberdreams Rating: NC-17 fic, PG-13 art Warnings/Spoilers: description of decaying body, gravedigging, violence, death (Not major character), injured Sam, protective Dean. Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester have hunting in their genes... so much so that DJ made up "superhero" trading cards about them. When those cards are snatched they get a hint that someone might be after them. There's a monster coming their way and the Winchesters need to kill it and face an old enemy. Art: Live Journal | Ao3 Story: Live Journal Title: Stanford Days Artist: bluefire986 Author: jdl71 Rating: R Warnings/Spoilers: Top Sam Winchester, Bottom Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Injury, Permanent Injury, Wheelchairs, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Mutual Pining, Sibling Incest, Incest, Angst, Marriage Summary: Sam gets a call in the middle of the night regarding Dean that forces him to confront his buried feelings for his brother, once he’s by Dean’s side. Dean had broken all contact with Sam; wanting Sam to have a chance at a ‘normal’ life. The feelings Dean thought he had locked away for Sam coming rushing back when Sam cons his way into his hospital room. Can they heal old wounds while dealing with Dean’s life changing injury and their love for each other? Art: Live Journal | Ao3 Story: Ao3 Title: Do It Again Artist: stargazingchola Author: amypond45 Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Spoilers: Sibling incest, first time, post-Season 14 AU Summary: After the events at the end of Season 14, Sam and Dean go on the road to clean up Chuck’s mess. Re-killing the things they went after all those years ago brings back memories and reminds Dean that he’s always had trouble repressing his most problematic feelings, especially where his brother’s concerned. Reliving those early days on the road makes it harder than ever. Art: Tumblr | Dreamwidth Story: Live Journal | Ao3 Title: An Appropriate Response Author: klove0511 Artist: amberdreams Rating: NC-17 fic, PG-13 art Warnings/Spoilers: Sibling incest, self-harm, established relationship, mental health issues, PTSD, panic attacks, references to torture, references to rape/non-con, Season 8 AU. Summary: While Dean was in Purgatory, Sam disappeared. When Dean finally finds his brother, will there be anything left to save? Art: Live Journal | Ao3 Story: Tumblr Title: The Echo Jar Author: jessie_cristo73 Artist: supernutjapan Rating: NC-17 fic, PG art Warnings/Spoilers: Incest, Sibling sex, Graphic Violence, Minor Characrer Death, Sibling Love, Established Relationship, Modern setting of Ancient Greek Myth and Lore, Mpreg, Magic, Magical Artifacts Summary: With his year running out, Hellhounds have started sniffing around and Dean's hallucinations are starting to make him a liability. Bobby comes up with a plan but Dean isn't happy about it. Especially when the plan requires him and Sam to go their separate ways. Art: Live Journal | Ao3 Story: Ao3 Title: Artemis and Apollo, Personified Artist: jessie_cristo73 Author: rocketmojo | cyncitymojo Other Pairing(if applicable): Only mentioned: John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Deanna Campbell/Samuel Campbell, Cesar Cuevas/Jesse Cuevas, Pamela Barnes/Henry Winchester (hinted), Peter Frampton (Supernatural)/Portia, Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, Ellen Harvelle/William Harvelle, Henry Winchester/Millie Winchester | John Winchester's Mother, Cain/Colette Mullen Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Spoilers: Wincest Reverse Bang, Alternate Universe – Dystopia, Therianthropy, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, True Mates, Pagan Gods, Spirit Animals, Minor Character Death, Consensual Underage Sex, Banter, Bathtub Sex, Hand Jobs, Boys Kissing, Secret Relationship, Destiny, First Time Shifting, Arranged Marriage, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Mind Manipulation, Emotional Manipulation Summary: Blessed by gods, Sam and Dean are destined to be together against all odds. Will they be manipulated to the dark side together, or will they honor the gods who made it possible for their love to exist? When they are finally able to solidify their bond, will Dean give in to Sam's instinctual needs as he does everything else, or will he insist on that privilege going to him because he is the oldest? Art: Ao3 Story: Ao3 Title: That's My Omega Artist: darklittleheart96 Author: jdl71 Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Spoilers: Pining, Mutual pining, Alpha Dean, Omega Sam, Top Dean, Bottom Sam, Wincest, Incest, Claiming, Claiming bite/mark, Mpreg, Protective Dean Summary: Sam has always known he was Dean’s omega and his mate. It just seemed that Dean didn’t feel the same way about him. That was until another alpha showed interest in him. Art: Tumblr Story: Ao3 Title: The Search Artist: small-scale-majestic Author: rocketmojo Rating: PG-13 Warnings/Spoilers: Wincest Reverse Bang, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Light Angst, Soul Bond, canon adjacent, Canon Related, Post-Season/Series 01, Emotionally Repressed Winchesters (Supernatural), finding each other, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Dean Winchester, First Kiss, First Time, Eventual Romance, Sibling Incest, Canon-Typical Violence Summary: What they don’t yet realize is, this is more than just a search for their father. This is a search for the bond they each think they lost 4 years ago... Art: Tumblr Story: Ao3

#wincest reverse bang #wincest reverse bang 2019 #master post #mod post

[drsilverfish]

The Man Who Would Be King - Edlund’s Literary Allusion and 6x20

If you’ve not read Rudyard Kipling’s short story “The Man Who Would Be King” (1888) you can do so here:

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/8147/8147-h/8147-h.htm 

It’s a story about the wild adventures, utter folly, criminal chutzpah, catastrophic hubris and thus, inevitably gruesome downfall, of two itinerant British conmen on the Indian subcontinent, during the time of the British Empire. 

The short story was also made into a film, starring Michael Caine and Sean Connery (1975), which, given the two actors and the medium, ennobles the characters rather more than the original story did. 

Ben Edlund borrowed Kipling’s story title for his Cas-centric episode,  6x20 The Man Who Would Be King, and the original tale has some particular elements that resonate for the Supernatural episode:  

1) The power of an alliance between two men, to wind each other up towards great achievements/ great folly

2) The sheer hubristic (colonial) over-reach of their plans

3) The way the alliance is broken between them

The two men in Kipling’s story, Peachey Carnehan and Daniel Dravot, parallel Crowley and Castiel respectively (not exactly, but somewhat) in Edlund’s tale. 

Peachey and Daniel plan to trek to the remote (imaginary) kingdom of Kafiristan (adjacent to Afghanistan) and become Kings there. They sign a contract to back each other up in pursuit of their goal, and, in it, they swear off liquor and women the while (both being historical drunkards and dissolute con-artists).

This parallels what Crowley offers to Castiel - the defeat of Raphael and their own inaugurations as the new Devil and the new God respectively. 

CROWLEY: “I'm talking about Raphael's head on a pike. I'm talking about happy endings for all of us, with all possible entendres intended. Come on. Just a chat.”

Peachey and Daniel do become Kings. In fact, they become more than Kings, they become understood to be “Gods” amongst the locals in Kafiristan (Edlund, in choosing this literary reference, thus alludes to the developing Godstiel arc).  The two con-men do this by teaching a bastardized version of Freemasonry to the local priests. 

DRAVOT: “A god and a Grand-Master of the Craft am I, and a Lodge in the Third Degree I will open, and we’ll raise the head priests and the Chiefs of the villages!”

“‘It’s against all the law,’ I says {PEACHEY, narrating] ‘holding a Lodge without warrant from any one; and we never held office in any Lodge.’”

“‘It’s a master-stroke of policy,’ says Dravot. ‘It means running the country as easy as a four-wheeled bogy on a down grade. We can’t stop to inquire now, or they’ll turn against us.”

Similarly, we see Castiel being heralded as “God’s chosen” in Heaven by some of the angels:

RACHEL: “Castiel, we saw Lucifer destroy you.”

CASTIEL: “Well, I came back.”

RACHEL: “But Lucifer? Michael?”

CASTIEL: “They're gone.”

RACHEL: “It was God, wasn't it?”

CASTIEL: “No. It was the Winchesters. They brought down the Apocalypse.”

RACHEL: “But you beat the Archangels, Castiel. God brought you back. He chose you, Cas...To lead us.”

And we see Cas being seduced by Crowley into believing the same, in spite of his own better judgement.

CROWLEY: “You can save us, Castiel. God chose you to save us. And I think...Deep down...You know that...”

Back in Kipling’s tale, all goes well enough, until Daniel Dravot decides they are settled enough in their God-King positions, that he wishes to ask the locals for a wife:

“There’s another thing too,’ says Dravot, walking up and down. ‘The winter’s coming and these people won’t be giving much trouble, and if they do we can’t move about. I want a wife.’

“‘For Gord’s sake leave the women alone!’ I says [Peachey is narrating here]. ‘We’ve both got all the work we can, though I am a fool. Remember the Contrack, and keep clear o’ women.’

“‘The Contrack only lasted till such time as we was Kings; and Kings we have been these months past,’ says Dravot, weighing his crown in his hand. ‘You go get a wife too, Peachey — a nice, strappin’, plump girl that’ll keep you warm in the winter. They’re prettier than English girls, and we can take the pick of ’em. Boil ’em once or twice in hot water, and they’ll come as fair as chicken and ham.’”

This element of the narrative is paralleled in Edlund’s riff on Kipling by Castiel’s concern for the Winchesters, and for Dean in particular (who, in this parallel is equivalent to Dravot’s “wife”). 

CROWLEY: “The point is...You're distracted, and that makes me nervous.”

CASTIEL: “I am holding up my end.”

CROWLEY: “Ah, yes. But is that all you're holding? See...the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, Angel. I thought we'd agreed - no more nights out with the boys.”

The wife Dravot insists on being given, is so terrified of being married to a God that, in her wedding finery, she bites him when he tries to kiss her. This draws blood, alerting the locals to the fact that Dravot and Peachey are in fact not Gods, but mere mortals (who can bleed). Dravot is then executed by the now thoroughly rebellious locals, by being cast into a deep mountain gulley from a rope bridge (a symbolic fall from great heights) whilst Peachey is crucified by pine trees, but survives, and is thus set loose to beg his way back to India and tell his tale.

Crowley and Castiel’s alliance is likewise, eventually, blown apart by (in subtext) a “love interest” - Castiel’s complex, continuing care for the Winchesters in the midst of his betrayal of them. 

CASTIEL (to Crowley): “I'm only gonna say this once. If you touch a hair on their heads, I will tear it all down. Our arrangement -- everything. I'm still an Angel, and I will bury you.” 

But the significance of the “love interest”? 

Well, in Kipling’s world of men, she is a possession, a gift to be given, the cause of the breach of contract between the two con-artist “God-Kings”, someone who weeps but who is given no lines, “...covered with silver and turquoises, but white as death”. 

In Edlund’s story, because the (subtextual) “love interest” is also a man  (SPN also being a world, predominantly of men) he is someone with far more agency. 

And so, in 6x20, we get a final confrontation, a final emblem of mourning, not between Castiel and Crowley (Dravot and Peachey) but between Castiel and his “love interest”, at the end of the episode:

DEAN: “How'd you get in here?”

CASTIEL: “The angel-proofing Bobby put up on the house -- he got a few things wrong.”

DEAN: “Well, it's too bad we got to angel-proof in the first place, isn't it? Why are you here?”

CASTIEL: “I want you to understand.”

DEAN: “Oh, believe me, I get it. Blah, blah, Raphael, right?”

CASTIEL: “I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you.”

DEAN: “Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me.”

CASTIEL: “You're the one who taught me that freedom and free will --”

In Kipling’s tale, we have a bromance and a (fatal) love-story between Peachey and Dravot. Peachey emerges broken from their time in Kafiristan as (temporary) “God-Kings”, bearing the wizened, severed head of his nemesis and friend, Dravot. 

But in Edlund’s tale, we have a love-triangle. The threads of which, eventually play out over a much longer SPN arc, leading to Crowley’s “summer of love” in S10 with Demon!Dean and thus, to Crowley’s, inevitable, demise. Because, as lain down here so beautifully in 6x20, it’s abundantly clear that Crowley is the third wheel. And, despite the betrayals, the “affairs” with Crowley, it is the angel and the man who belong together.   

#Supernatural #SPN meta #6x20 #The Man Who Would Be King #Destiel #Drowley #Still subtext #But subtext IS part of narrative #Rudyard Kipling #Metanarrative #Ben Edlund #Literary allusion #Meta

[royalnugget42]

Because of You

This is short Sabriel thing set after s13.

Hurt/comfort so angst will abound, you’ve been warned.

@lovemesomecas94

It’s like 1:00 am and I’m sick as a dog so sorry if it’s not great I just needed to clear some creative juices.

—————————————————————

Gabriel tried to move. He felt slow, groggy, like he’d just woken from a hundred year nap. For a moment he didn’t open his eyes, choosing instead to savor the rest he had left. It didn’t last long. He quickly took notice of the complete absence of sensory input, the way the air didn’t smell, and the way the surface he lay on was neither hot nor cold. There was no sound, not even the steady hum of human souls he’d grown accustomed to.

He pulled in breath sharply, his eyes flying open and staring out into nothing at all. Memories flashed through his head. The other dimension. Michael’s unexpected arrival. A sharp pain under his ribs and a burning all through his chest, right up into his eyes. Sam.

He had died. Michael killed him. And now he was...wherever angels go when they run out of time. Unsteadily he rose to his feet marveling at the sheer blankness of everything around him. It was just so empty.

“Oh, not again.”

Surprised, Gabriel whirled to meet the eyes of his younger brother. He looked so strange in this place, trench coat immaculate, blue eyes practically glowing, yet he had a deep grimace set into face, like he was nursing a bad headache.

“Castiel?” he wondered, even as he knew it couldn’t be him. He was safe on earth, probably still pining after Dean Winchester.

“Not quite,” the stranger answered, high pitched and drawling. “I live here. In fact I’m usually the only one living here, but lately, it seems I just can’t get proper sleep anymore.”

Gabriel braced against the strange ground, and lifted himself to his feet. He briefly thought about fighting, then dismissed the thought. Whatever this thing was, it was likely far more powerful than him in this place. And, if he was being truly honest, he didn’t want to leave. Whatever this place was, there was likely some penance that had finally come due, and he knew he deserved every second of it.

“Well?” the stranger asked impatiently. “Aren’t you going to whine about how you need to get back, how you need to save your friends?”

“No. They don’t need me,” he answered hollowly. He glanced around, searching for something material, anything his eyes could cling to. “I assume this is my hell.”

The stranger snorted, then cackled, pure and colder than Lucifer’s ice. Gabriel frowned, questioning, but the thing just kept laughing.

“So rarely do I get to know someone without reading their thoughts!” He paused again to laugh, while Gabriel continued to stare at him, confused. Anger began to build up in his chest.

“What makes you think you know me?” he shouted, his voice extraordinarily muted compared to the piercing ring of the entity before him.

“Oh please, your thoughts are written on your face, your hands, over every inch of your nonexistent soul. Out of every being I’ve met, you are the first one that actually wants to be here, which means you truly think you deserve to suffer. Goodness, I am just dying to know what you did that was so horrible.”

He looked down, remembering. His fear, his cowardice. Fleeing from his family because he was too scared to save them from each other. His treatment of the Winchesters just because he loathed the thought of what they could become, then hiding from a world that needed his help. Yes, he deserved whatever pain and misery came next.

“Well, sorry, but even if I wanted to keep you here, I just can’t, not with you awake. I do like my sleep.” Without another word, he vanished, sinking into the darkness.

Gabriel blinked, and gasped as he tasted fresh air, his senses suddenly overloaded after the featureless void. Bright sunlight filtered through the trees above him, he was dressed just as he had been when...he panicked, feeling for the phantom wound in his stomach. He found nothing, just his normal layers of cloth and skin.

After his ears stopped ringing and his eyes cleared he saw he was on the side of a highway, under the shade of a few trees. It looked familiar, though most places on earth shared a vague similarity. Trees reminded him of the bunker, the Winchesters, and Sam.

Thinking of Sam felt like getting stabbed again, but he knew he should go to him. Just to be sure he was alright. Then he would vanish again, and forget about everything. He smiled to himself. “Still a liar,” he thought guiltily.

—————————————————————

Sam woke up with a jolt. He had dreamt of Gabriel again. He wondered briefly why his brain forced him to keep seeing his face, his sly, annoying, smile. Just another in a long line of people who were gone because of him.

The sound of his phone ringing had stirred him. It was probably Cas, likely with an update on Michael. On Dean. Part of him didn’t want to pick up, didn’t want to remember what had happened to his brother, who had once again sacrificed himself for him. He reached over to his phone as it stopped, but was surprised to see an unknown caller ID. He waited for the them to call again, but there was nothing. “Probably spam,” he thought absentmindedly, lifting himself out of bed.

He wandered around the kitchen, apathetically putting together his breakfast. It was eerily quiet, but in his stupor Sam didn’t care to notice. That is until he noticed the rustling of wings and the vague but piercing scent of miscellaneous candies. He didn’t turn around, because he was afraid, afraid that the feeling would vanish and he’d be faced with an empty bunker and the sound of guilt.

“Heya handsome.”

Sam pulled in a sharp breath and turned to face Gabriel the archangel.

“I suppose you must have a lot of questions, but I can’t-“

“How?” Sam interjected. His face was a slack mask, dispassionate and empty. Gabriel sighed and moved out of the corner, for once, at a loss.

“I don’t know Sammy. I was dead, but I guess whatever afterlife I fell into didn’t like the taste.” He paused a moment to let Sam speak, but he remained silent. Gears were turning in his head but for once Gabriel couldn’t read them. “Well, now you know. I think I’ll be on my way now.”

He started to turn but as he did Sam closed the distance between them, latching onto his hand. They held each other’s eyes, letting the moments stretch. Sam held on to Gabe’s hand, as though anchoring himself, then dropped it and his gaze.

“Gabriel my brother is in trouble. Michael got through to our world. Dean gave himself to Michael in order to save me,” he recounted, his eyes tethered to the floor.

He heard Gabriel scoff. “And what? You think I’m going to be any help? Tell me Sam, what happened the last time I went against him? You don’t want me on your team.”

“Yes I do,” Sam said forcefully. “You’re one of the bravest people I know.”

His eyes flared. “I’m. Not. Brave. Sammy I’ve run every chance I’ve gotten. I am a coward. You’ve said it yourself.”

“Look, you’ve run away a few times, but you always save our necks when it counts-“

“No, this is where you shut it, Sam!” he barked. As he noticed the expression on Sam’s face he subsided, tone evening out, but the fire in his eyes betrayed the emotions building behind them. “I’m going to tell you my story, Sam. My real story. From the top.”

—————————————————————

“It starts with my family. Dad and Michael and Raphael versus Lucifer, all telling me to choose a side, but I could never choose, no matter how I justified each cause. I knew I was supposed to be the peacemaker, the reasonable middle child but I convinced myself it wasn’t necessary, that they could work out their issues on their own. Lucifer gets kicked out, and I was so afraid that I’d be next on the chopping block. I found Loki, and he gave me everything I ever wanted. In my own way, I learned to love humanity, just as my father asked me to.

“Fast forward a couple millennia, and in comes Sam and Dean Winchester. Naturally I knew the destiny you were a part of, and I hated you for it. I steered clear though, kept my nose clean of all your business until you came knocking on my door. I’ll be honest, I wanted to kill you the second I laid eyes on you. I mean, you’re the vessel of Lucifer, destined to bring the Apocalypse and on top of everything you’ve gotta be adorable?” he paused for an exasperated laugh.

“I knew I couldn’t reveal myself though, so I played my part. I allowed myself to die, so you wouldn’t go looking for me anymore. I forgot about you, about everything all over again but you found me again, and I hated you even more.” He stopped and turned to look at Sam, his eyes as vulnerable, sorrowful. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

He didn’t give him a chance to respond, continuing the bitter monologue. “After that, you found out who I was, and I still stayed away, until I heard that you’d been taken by the pagan gods. I knew I had to do something, and for once I realized I wasn’t scared off. I prepared backup plan after backup plan. Maybe I thought that by dying a hero’s death, you might come to see me as that. A hero.

“Once again, I turned tail and began to forget, letting myself fall back into those same patterns I had grown accustomed to. Asmodeus got his hands on my and I spent the next few years as his personal Grace tap. He broke me, Sam, well and truly. I retreated into myself. Nobody would hurt me, I thought, if I forgot how to feel, how to fight back. I let myself become that whimpering miserable thing Ketch brought you.”

There were silent tears rolling down his cheeks now. Before he could continue, Sam spoke up, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Gabriel you endured so much. It was never your fault, and it’s okay to be scared. Lucifer, Loki, Asmodeus, even me and my brother were all wrong about you. In the end you gave your life to save us.”

“That’s just it, Samshine. I never did it for your brother, or my brothers or the greater good or even the end of the world,” he whispered. “Everything brave I ever did, I did because of you. Because you suffered through everything I threw at you, because you faced the destiny assigned to you and spat in its face, and because you were under Lucifer’s foot for a century and you can still stand on two feet. Because when I saved you from that douchebag Asmodeus I was only returning the favor.” There was a moment where Gabriel thought about biting down on his next words. A brief flutter of courage put the words in his mouth. “Sam Winchester, you make me want to be brave. I-“ Brown eyes stared into blue, and he let his heart open. “I love you.”

Silence settled in, waiting patiently for one of them to break it. Sam looked uncertain, gazing at the archangel as though seeing him for the first time. “Gabriel, for what it’s worth, I think courage counts more when you’re scared.” He pulled closer, the unspoken words still lingering in the air around them. Gabriel gripped his arms and held his breath, hoping, praying, and trusting.

Time stopped as Sam gave in. “I love you, too.” He held his angel close, and knew he would never let go.

Thanks for the read! 💙

#sabriel #hurt/comfort #fluff #angst #angst tw #self-hate tw #self hate #sam winchester #Gabriel #gabriel the archangel #gabriel x sam #mention of destiel #qstiel #confession #no smut #not even a kiss #lots of feelings #post-s13 #post s13

[authoressskr]

Odd Doesn’t Begin To Describe It

Characters: Dean Winchester, Gabriel, Sam Winchester. Mentions of: Chuck, Lucifer, Jack Kline, and Michael.     ::     Warnings: Language, Light talk of issues, A bit of flirting     ::     Word Count: 1401

This was written for my 400+ Celebration!! Request your own here!

Prompt:  A: “Do you ever have moments where you’re struck by how odd and terrible your upbringing was?”  B: “Is that why you’re on the floor eating funfetti frosting out of a jar?” for @marichromatic -- Hope I did this well for you, sweetie! <3

Note: Please do NOT repost, copy & paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION.

-+- REBLOGGING is fine and very appreciated! -+-

Dean heard a clatter in the kitchen, prompting him to quickly set his laptop to the side and rush into the kitchen.

“Are you drunk?” Dean asks, righting the chair lying several feet from its proper place and scooting it back under the table.

“Pssssssssh.” Gabriel half raspberries, waving his left hand vaguely in the air at Dean’s question.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Dean muttered mostly to himself, crossing his arms over his chest as he took in not only the archangel before him, but the state of his had-been freshly cleaned kitchen. Fighting back a sigh, he opted to clench his teeth instead, watching Gabriel sway minutely in front of the sink before turning to examine the bowl of fruit he kept for Sam by the fridge. “Something on your mind, Gabriel?” Dean raises his voice a little, Gabriel’s hair subtly moving as he shook his head before turning around with his forefinger in the air.

“Acccccctually...there is! How do you and Sammich do it?” Dean’s forehead furrows slightly as his gaze goes from Gabriel’s to the spot on the wall just over his shoulder. Jesus, he wasn’t good with emotional talks.

“Do what, exactly?”

“Deal with this shit-storm you call a life with more shit constantly being flung at you, without powers or hell, even a damn vacation once in awhile?!” Gabriel has moved closer, giving a little grunt as he finishes before snapping himself an extra large cookie.

“Sex, alcohol, shoving it down so it never sees the light of day again.”

“Well, I’ve hit several dozen liquor stores and am enjoying a reaaaally nice buzz right now. And,” He attempts to lean against the kitchen table but it moves, his hand shooting out to steady himself against the wooden betrayal. “I’ve been shoving shit down since I realized how fucked up my family really was.” Those slightly clouded golden orbs rake down Dean’s body as a smirk curled his lips. “Guess that leaves sex, big boy.”

Dean laughed humorlessly, deflecting the very odd switch in Gabriel’s normal flippant, seemingly carefree, Trickster demeanor.

“What happened to you tonight?”

“Ahh, well you see, I got a personal, super secret call up from Daddy.” There isn’t any denying the slightly venomous tone laced around the sarcasm, an armour that Dean knew all too well himself.

“If it makes you feel any better, I think you’re handling it better than Lucifer did.” The look in Gabriel’s eyes shift once again, from the hardened bronze when he spoke about Chuck to a more appraising honey color.

“What did Princess do, hmm?” Dean watches the archangel stumble-slide himself into the nearest chair, never looking away from Dean.

“Locked himself in Sam’s room, while in Cas’s vessel, and was generally being a dick. Wanted Chuck to apologize. Wanted him to admit he needed his help. Mostly wanted someone to blame beside himself.”

“WELL IF THAT DOESN’T SOUND FAMILIAR, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS.” Gabriel yells dramatically, gesturing with both hands now. “Never his fault. Typical Luci.”

“Guess that wasn’t what Chuck wanted to talk to you about.” Dean moves to the fridge, withdrawing the two pies he’d bought. “Now, before you launch into this - remember, I don’t like sharing my pie and don’t expect this from me in the future, capisce?” Gabriel nods, almost buzzing with an eager energy Dean could swear he felt.

“Capisce.” Gabriel agrees, reaching for the fork Dean offered as he slid the pie before the angel.

The first few bites were quietly relished before Gabriel lifted his head from the cherry pie to gaze at the hunter across the table.

“He wanted me to help Jack.” His whisky eyes are piercing now, pining Dean with that otherness that Castiel and Jack just sometimes flashed through briefly. “Wanted me to help find Lucifer and either toss him back in the Cage and remake the Seals or put him down.” Dean wants to tell Gabriel his vote is firmly in column two, but he just gives the smallest of nods as he scoops another forkful into his mouth. “If you recall, it didn’t turn out so well the last time we tangoed.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, but the porno was a nice touch.”

“Aww, Dean, you care.”

“You knew I wouldn’t say yes to Michael. And you knew we’d keep fighting, no matter the odds.”

“I never said you were exceedingly smart when it comes to your own mortality.”

“Look, what I’m saying is you did it. You bought us some time and you gave us the help we needed when we were looking at a brick wall. Are you still a dick for killing me all those times? Yes. Do I trust you? Not as much as I should, but I know you’d have all our backs.”

“That make me part of Team Free Will?”

“We’ll take a vote later.” Dean gives a soft, almost reassuring smile to the archangel before returning to his pie.

“You know - this would be better flambeed with whiskey.” Dean looks down at his pie, want warring with ‘I don’t know if that’s the smartest thing. Fire plus an overly tipsy angel...’

“Whiskey.” Dean finally agrees with a nod as his dessert blinks out of existence for a few seconds before reappearing with a sharper scent that wafted before him.

::   -   ::   -   :: 

A couple hours later - a giant pan of boozy brownies with caramel rum sauce, bourbon blondie chocolate chip bread, and one too many whiskey ice cream floats...Dean was sitting on the concrete floor, propped up against the bottom cupboards with his eyes blissfully shut as his lips and tongue were trying to locate his straw to finish off the last of his whiskey ice cream float.

And that’s what Sam walks straight into. Gabriel sprawled on his stomach with a plush pillow under his chest as he shoved a spoon into his mouth while Dean searches blindly for his straw.

“Well, at least you didn’t kill each other.” Sam mutters, watching Dean’s emerald eyes flutter open and a lazy smile graces his face as Gabriel waved his spoon up at Sam.

“Sammich, do you ever have moments where you’re struck by how odd and terrible your upbringing was?” Sam wrinkles his forehead.

“Been having some deep intellectual conversations while we’ve been gone, I see.” Sam clears his throat. “Wait - is that why you’re on the floor eating funfetti frosting out of a jar?”

“You should join us Sammmmy.” Dean mutters, drawing out his name.

“Nah, this - this looks like something for you guys. I’m gonna go take a shower.” Just after he leaves, smirking to himself, Gabriel’s too bright golden eyes slide over to Dean.

“Wanna bond some more over torturing your brother?”

“Gabe,” Dean smacks his lips together loudly, enjoying the dregs of his milkshake and the buzz that warmed over him completely. “I don’t think you should be fucking with him too much. Heat of the Moment still makes him jittery.”

“Not like that. Maybe some hot pink hair dye mixed in his shampoo? Or a constant flower crown? Maybe make his underwear change to pink silk panties?” Gabriel raises his eyebrow suggestively at the last line, the gold melding into something warmer. “What’dya say, big boy?”

“I think he’d look awesome with some green hair. Really bring out his eyes. With hot pink highlights.” Dean agrees, pushing himself off the floor as Gabriel rises languidly, stretching the kinks out from the hard floor. Dean moves forward, attempting to go towards the door when Gabriel’s fingers wrapped firmly around his wrist, just above his watch.

“Thanks, Dean-o.” The mask slips away, like it had at least two dozen times in the last few hours, Dean returning his soft, unsure smile with a nod. And if Dean hadn’t been tipsy off his ass, he might have seen it - but also realizing this was Gabriel, he might not have.

But feeling Gabriel’s lips against his cheek caused his skin to flush immediately, his breath coming out in a soft whoosh. “Thanks again, Dean.” Gabriel’s smile holds more of a knowing curl before he bounces from the room, leaving Dean stunned just by the kitchen table, his hand lingering on his cheek where Gabriel had kissed.

“Huh.” Dean breathed before following Gabriel from the room, the alcohol clearing from his mind a little at the encounter. “Huh.” He muttered again, letting his hand drop.

Tagging: @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @sumara62 @clockworkmorningglory @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard @whinywingedwinchester @chelsea072498 @sakurablossom4 @galaxiesinmymind @stay-frosty-royal-unicorn @keepingcalmisoverratedgoddamnit 

#Dean Winchester #Gabriel #tad of Dean x Gabriel #slight beginnings of Debriel #authoressskr writes #authoressskr 400+ Celebration #sam winchester #supernatural fanfiction #marichromatic

[aion-rsa]

The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness Review – Exhaustive Look Is Long Overdue

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Netflix‘s new docuseries The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness aims to restructure a deeply ingrained story. New York City’s most notorious serial murderer wasn’t a serial murderer after all. If David Berkowitz was part of a team of street level satanic power brokers, the entire story is a false narrative.

The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is an impressive entry in the true crime documentary premiere run at Netflix. It focuses on the work of journalist Maury Terry, whose investigation into the Son of Sam case was criminally sidelined. Terry was convinced that convicted lone serial killer David Berkowitz was part of “a highly motivated and well-organized cult group whose various criminal enterprises included the .44 homicide.”

Terry’s 1987 book The Ultimate Evil: An Investigation of America’s Most Dangerous Satanic Cult, is a must read. But it got lost in the Satanic Panic, and Terry got sucked up into the world of the tabloid press. If Geraldo Rivera couldn’t survive The Geraldo Show with his journalistic reputation intact, how could Maury Terry? A wall of authority was built by a seeming Satanic cabal to shut out any idea the infamous murders could have been by anyone but a singular “Son of Sam.”

The “Son of Sam” spree captivated the world in the late 1970s. The chase for the killer was legendary, it made household names of investigators and district attorneys, careers and reputations were assured by it. All of New York City clung to its every detail. Berkowitz pled guilty to eight shootings in 1977, and the case was closed. Nobody else was charged with any crimes related to the shootings. The arrest and conviction of Berkowitz made people believe they were safe to go back out on the streets.

The documentary does a fantastic job showing how the police, press and the public all came together to create the lone gunman mythology. Berkowitz christened himself “The Son of Sam” in a letter designed to taunt police, and the documentary makes it seem like they never forgave him for it. He wrote to Jimmy Breslin, the recognizable “face” of The New York Daily News, name-dropping Beelzebub before promising to return. “Yours in murder, Mr. Monster,” he signed the letters, but the demonic names meant nothing more than lurid prose to the police.

The press fed the beast. The documentary vividly captures the mania which fell on New York City, as women cut or tied up their hair, because the roving gunman was targeting long-haired women, and stayed home anyway. Discos emptied. Neighbors followed neighbors. The documentary mirrors the rabid and rising hunt for the killer with Terry’s increasing obsession. The cops closed out the Summer of Sam by accident. A lucky coincidence linked a witness with a ticketed car. Berkowitz was arrested in front of his apartment complex on August 10, 1977.  

Filmmaker Joshua Zeman (Murder Mountain) expertly incorporates archival news footage, and damning snippets of conversations. Terry’s own words and case files are thoughtfully read by Paul Giamatti. The director had already found a Son of Sam connection with his 2009 documentary Cropsey, about missing kids on Staten Island, and had contact with the author during research. The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness opens with the director receiving boxes of files, including interviews, and correspondences with Berkowitz from Terry’s personal investigation. Among them is a letter the journalist received from the convicted killer in 1981, postmarked Attica Correctional Facility. “I am guilty of these crimes,” Berkowitz wrote, “But I didn’t do it all.”

The documentary shows how, while some authorities hinted claims about ritual murders might be credible, a thin blue line forms behind the “my dog told me to do it” story to stifle the fear, rushing the case to a close. New York Mayor Abraham Beame was up for reelection and the story was fast-tracked, almost in advance. This speedy wrap-up never fooled Neysa and Jerry Moskowitz, the parents of the victim Stacy. Queens District Attorney John Santucci, whose jurisdiction included five of the Son of Sam attacks, was mocked by cops like Joe Coffey for even reading Terry’s book. Carl Denaro, a surviving victim, was so enraged he joined Terry’s investigative team. Though he would later have to remind the journalist he got shot in the head for the case.

Maury Terry is more relatable than the documentary seems to realize. Friends and colleagues bring up how he goes from a drinking buddy to a drinking baddie, but every personal revelation ultimately gets tied to his descent into obsession. Terry really is the ultimate representation of a New Yorker who lived through the Summer of Sam. He has good instincts, but he’s stuck at the wrong job. Who wants to write about the newest laser printer when his gut tells him there’s more to another story in his own neighborhood?

The press claimed Berkowitz got the name “Son of Sam” because he was acting on orders of his neighbor’s dog. He reportedly believed the dog was possessed by the soul of a 6,000-year-old man named Sam. In 1979, The New York Times reported Berkowitz made it up, but Terry, breaks the code which led to the codified .44 caliber myth. There is a real Sam, he’s got real kids, they got real problems and he’s along for the ride. Sam Carr and his sons lived in the house behind Berkowitz. The Carr family owned the Labrador retriever Berkowitz hailed as the high demon.

The high point of the series is the interview at the Sullivan Correctional Facility recorded for Inside Edition. The co-producer of the installment, Wayne Darwen, succinctly sums up the emotion by describing the meeting as Sherlock Holmes meeting Moriarty and Ahab harpooning the great whale. Berkowitz says it doesn’t matter how involved he was in the crimes, he should be imprisoned for the rest of his life just for being there.

The documentary excerpts Berkowitz’s story. He joined the cult in 1975, after meeting Michael Carr at a party on Barnes Avenue in the Bronx. Berkowitz says he “was intrigued by the occult,” which was presented in a harmless way, “just witchcraft and seances. I never dreamed I’d eventually become a murderer.” Berkowitz describes late-night meetings in the woods of Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx, and Untermyer Park in his own backyard, which was Pine Street in Yonkers. This inspires the name of Terry’s investigative team, The Pine Street Irregulars. Another tip of the hat to Sherlock Holmes. The description matched the “Twenty-Two Disciples of Hell” taunts in letters to Jimmy Breslin.

The convicted killer also describes his initiation at Untermyer Park. “I recited a prayer to Lucifer and then pricked my finger to draw a little blood. I also gave information about my family.” He names John “Wheaties” Carr. This points back to the letters “Son of Sam” wrote to Breslin.

Berkowitz admits he was present at each of the eight murder scenes. But wasn’t the triggerman at all of them. In the book, Ultimate Evil, Berkowitz says one of three women in the group shot Carl Denaro. Berkowitz also said “a Yonkers police officer who belonged to the group.” On camera for Inside Edition, he admits to shooting Donna Lauria and her girlfriend Jody Valente. He says there were three other accomplices at the scene, two men “in a tan car,” and Michael Carr, whom Berkowitz claims is the shooter in the Queens disco shooting. He says John Carr killed Joanne Lomino and Donna DeMasi. Earlier in the documentary, Terry says he thinks John Carr looks more like a likeness in a police sketch than Berkowitz.

The documentary sets up the segment brilliantly. We believe we have seen Terry’s vindication. Berkowitz confirms and expands on every aspect of the story he has laid out. The highlights were broadcast nationally on Inside Edition. The documentary then puts Terry’s questions about Arlis Perry, a 19-year-old student who had been murdered at Stanford University on October 12, 1974 under a magnifying glass. Was Terry leading? His follow-up interview is sad to watch, almost as infuriating for the viewer as it must have been for everyone in the room at the time.

The documentary shows how Terry chased some dubious leads to bad conclusions, from desolate small towns to the heart of Hollywood. Roy Radin was a producer on the 1984 movie The Cotton Club. His body was found on Friday, May 13, 1983, at a deserted site in northern Los Angeles County. He had been shot in the head 13 times. After the police scoured the crime scene, Terry, along with private investigators, found a Bible in a tree near the murder scene, opened to a passage which can be interpreted as pointing to a Satanic connection.

Terry lumps too much satanic activity together. He sees satanic symbols everywhere. He sees codes in everything. He hits on the Process Church of the Final Judgement in the book The Family by Ed Sanders. Terry speculates the murders could be connected to Charles Manson, but the Process Church has always downplayed anything having to do with the man who killed the sixties. He published an article in their magazine, probably got high with them, but the Process Church had a history of suing anyone who suggests a connection. The four-part documentary series skirts this by avoiding some of the more problematic claims of Terry’s book, which also describes a mysterious figure called Manson 2, who was apparently being groomed for mystical mayhem.

The other story being told in The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is the rabbit hole Maury Terry gets lost in. The arc of someone ignoring family, relationships, health, and ultimately life. The theories never move into QAnon ridiculousness. Terry’s initial investigation is well-researched and investigated. The evidence strongly suggests Berkowitz did not act alone. The segments where Terry puts together all the pieces could have been longer, because so many esoteric clues fly by so fast, the audience doesn’t get the chance to luxuriate in the spidery webs which connect everything. It is fun to go down this rabbit hole and make all these connections. It fills a similar need to crossword puzzles. True crime obsession is a fascinating topic.

The focus of the series is as much Terry as it is the Son of Sam killings. Terry is also his ultimate victim, dying in 2015, and still yelling orders on who to call to follow up a lead. It is a cautionary tale about the dangers of true-crime obsession. Terry is a fascinating character. His obsessions with Satanism, snuff films, and cash are compulsively watchable. But the coincidences which frustrate him are as damnably indictable as they are effectively inadmissible. John Carr was killed in February of 1978 in a shooting in Minot, North Dakota. Michael Carr was killed in a suspicious traffic accident in October 1979. His car was apparently run off the road on the West Side Highway.

The intrepid journalist isn’t even the smartest guy in the room. It’s the serial killer. If Berkowitz acted alone, he’s got defenders fighting the police narrative, the press narrative and the public’s fear. If Berkowitz did act on orders, he’s managed to keep himself alive while even his superiors wound up dead. Ultimately, Maury Terry only has two goals. He wants the police to apologize, and he wants to make sure the victims knew who shot them. Berkowitz knew far in advance he’d never get either.

“Maury, the public will never, ever truly believe you, no matter how well your evidence is presented,” Berkowitz tells Terry at the end of their first meeting. No matter how much evidence Terry compiled, no one was prepared to take him seriously.

The Berkowitz case is responsible for creating the Son of Sam law, which says no criminal can profit from the publicity of their crimes. The state can take any money earned and donate it to the victim’s families. New York should have jumped on it, milking Berkowitz dry, and paying for an investigation. The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is compelling, exquisitely inconclusive, and long overdue.

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The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is available to stream on Netflix now. 

The post The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness Review – Exhaustive Look Is Long Overdue appeared first on Den of Geek.

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