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squirefire · 1 year

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CHAPTER 1 - cr: orphan_account on ao3

Keith woke up thinking he would have a relaxing, perfect day for once. He felt cleansed, Lance being away for a week really calmed things down for Keith. But that had also made it boring.

So, with Lance back from his cousins wedding, Keith would have someone to annoy again. And that would be perfect.

He turned on his phone, turning on his MCR playlist and quickly skimming through the messages from the Voltron group chat. Luckily, he was able to find an important message in the barrage of memes.

BlackSpacePrincess: Hey, can you guys meet me @ my place after school tomorrow??? We need to talk

Allura was the most unproblematic person Keith knew, if she did fuck up, it couldn't have been that bad, right?

He stopped thinking about it and headed to school. And he just couldn't wait to see his rival again. He would never admit it, but Keith had always been just a little bit gay for Lance. Like, have you ever seen that pointy chinned, child??? That's the most attractive little shit that Keith had ever known.

Even though Lance was extremely annoying, he still lowkey loved that asshat.

So, Keith went to school, thinking about his most favorite dumbass.

The day went by faster then normal, most likely from the anticipation of what news Allura had to give out.

And the time came to head over to her house, although it was more like a mansion, everyone headed there.

They met Allura in the living room, where she and Coran sat. She looked up and smile as they entered, her and Coran getting up to allow them to sit down on the couches.

She put her hands together, smiling slightly as she cleared her throat. "Hello everyone. I need your help with something."

"Alright, everyone else can go then, I can help Allura out with my big di-" Shiro punched Lance in the arm, thankfully stopping him from saying what would have proabaly gotten himself killed.

"Anyway…" Allura continued, sending a short glare to Lance, "I may, or may not have entered all of us in a dance competition…" Everyone stared at her for a moment, disbelief settling in.

"What. Did you do Allura?" Pidge questioned, lowering her glasses. "I mean, you're joking, right?"

Allura sighed "Sadly not. The competition is in a week, and I can't go back on my word. I'm sorry."

"I can't dance! I don't have a single flexible bone in my body! I-I'll just look like a beached whale tying to get back to the ocean!" Hunk exclaimed, standing up from the couch. "You can't expect me to do this."

"Jesus Christ…" Keith spoke lowering his head into his hands, generally terrified by the the new information. "I had faith… and this… is what happens"

Lance was the only one who looked generally happy about the news. He gets to twerk and dab in front of at least one hundred people. It was his life dream, his one true goal. It was probably some of the best news he's gotten in his life.

"Come on guys, the sooner we get this done, the sooner the competition will pass and then we can all be done with this." Shiro said rising from the couch, waiting for the rest to soon join him.

They groaned picking up their bags, and followed Allura to the amphitheater so they could practice.

"Alright! We need to learn your dancing abilities. So, show us what you've got." Coran said, clapping his hands together.

Shiro was honestly the only one who didn't look like dying donkey. Hunk had no idea what he was doing, Pidge was trying to do the robot, and Lance was twerking. On Keith.

And Keith kept trying to escape, but there was non.

"I swear to fuck if you don't stop twerking on me, I'll up chuck on you're ugly ass!" Keith screeched, still trying to shove the ass of Lance away from him.

Lance giggled, continuing to grind on his best rival friend. "Hahaha, why don't ya try me bitch!"

Oh, and how Keith would try.

He stripped off his gloves and jacket, causing Lance to be confused. But even through the confusion, Lance kept grinding.

Keith ran over to his backpack, taking out a big ass liter of Coke Cola, and started chugging it.

Why he had a liter of Coke in his backpack, you may ask??? So that way he could throw up on Lance at any given moment.

Everyone stared as at him. When almost half of the soda was gone, Keith moved the bottle away from his mouth, allowing him town to breath, and then continued.

With the bottle almost gone, he stopped drinking, turning his attention to Lance, who was a few yards away.

And Keith started to run towards his significant annoyance.

He felt like his body was doused in gasoline, lit on fire and hit by truck. But none of that would stop him.

Lance, understanding how much danger he was actually in, started running away. But alas, it was too late. Keith tackled him to the ground, and began to throw up.

Keith could hear Lance groan and gag as he tried to not lay in the vomit of Keith.

When Keith had finished, he rolled off of Lance to the right side of him. "So worth it." He mumbled. Keith then proceeded to sit up, and notice the fact that everyone was staring at him in disgust.

"You two boys go and wash up! The rest of us will discuss the competition." Coran said with a weak smile.

When the boys retuned, the rest of voltron was sitting in a circle in the grass.

"Ahh there you are. Let's get you shits updated, shall we?" Allura said cheerfully, the two boys joining in the circle. "There's three different segments to the competition; one is a freestyle group dance, one is a themed group dance, which is hip hop and one is a two person ball room dancing."

Pidge decided to continue where Allura had left off. "You two fucks are gonna dance together."

Keith basically chocked on air, Lance was going into complete denial. He had to do ball room dancing??? With the kid who just threw up on him. No way in a fucking quiznak would he do that.

"What!??!?! Why can't I dance with Hunk?!?!??" He scoffed, looking at his bro "How could you."

Hunk put his hand against his check, his face in shock at the audacity that the beaty eyed child had. "It was a majority dude, I was out numbered."

Lance was about objectify more, but Shiro beat him too it. "Look, I understand you guys might not like it, but it might just make you guys become better friends."

Lance groaned, turning his attention back to Keith.

Keith at the moment was barely breathing. The thought of even being close enough to Lance to smell his axe cologne made him sick, but to be that close, even in a suggestively romantic way, made him want to die.

Maybe it was the fact that he was like, a quarter gay for that dork and getting close would be too much for him to handle. Maybe it was the thought of Keith getting close enough to Lance to feel his breath against his skin. His fingers interlocked with his own. His arms being around Keith's waist.

Maybe it were those simple thoughts that made it hard for Keith to breathe.

He felt his face get heat up, but he turned to meet Lance's gaze, which honestly didn't help at all.

Keith shrugged, rolling his eyes. "Whatever I guess, so long as I never have to be that close to this asshat ever again."

Lance puffed his cheeks, glaring at his new dance partner.

"Alright then, shall we dance?"

Categories:

M/MOther

Fandom:

Voltron: Legendary Defender

Relationships:

Keith/Lance (Voltron)Hunk/Shay (Voltron)

Characters:

Keith (Voltron)Hunk (Voltron)Shay (Voltron)Lance (Voltron)Shiro (Voltron)Pidge | Katie HoltAllura (Voltron)Coran (Voltron)

Additional Tags:

trans!shaygenderfluid!Pidgevoltron dance auassumed depressionAbuseChild Abuse

Language:

English

Stats:

Published:2016-08-14Updated:2016-08-24Words:2281Chapters:2/?Kudos:1032Bookmarks:46Hits:15336

#voltron #klance #voltron legendary defender

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mxmorganmorph · 2 years

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May Memes - Morgan 🌷

@ollie-olliebaby: “Hey, if I told you I wanted to try drag, on a scale of one to tens across the board, how excited would you be?”

"First, I would say ELEVEN!! Then I would say where are you and why are you not at my place immediately. And then I would say bring your own makeup just in case what I have won’t work for you. Then I would say again WHERE ARE YOU AND WHEN ARE WE GETTING STARTED?”

5 things you love about yourself

"I love how incredibly talented I am at all things I do. I love how much I’ve grown into myself over the years. I love my eyes and how they match my hair. And despite it all I DO love my hair--it’s my signature, despite how untameable it is. It took me a long ass time, but I love my body, double chin, love handles, all of it. I just love being unique--wait, I think that’s six things.”

What did you dream about last night?

"Okay, so I was at my high school, but it was also like, a mall? And then I was hanging out with my classmates who weren’t actually the kids I went to school with but smurfs? But I was acting like I’ve known them my whole life. Okay and then the high school/mall started to flood and I was riding a whale that turned into a submarine that took me to an underwater hair salon but it was okay because everyone could breathe underwater for some reason and the water was like, washing out everyone’s hair dye but also the hair dye was poisonous gas and--

Sorry where did I lose you?”

Have you ever wished on a shooting star?

"Of course! What kind of curmudgeon wouldn’t?”

Describe the memory of the last time you felt true happiness.

"Probably the first curtain call we had for Into the Woods. It was my first time performing theater in Redwood Hollow and the first time I’ve done theater in years. Just that feeling of being on stage and everyone standing up and cheering for you...it’s so different than any other kind of performance. Everyone worked so hard and there was just such a great energy that we’d pulled off our first show. Really amazing stuff.”

What is something you own that is important to you? What makes it so important?

"Is it weird to say my ferret? Technically I do own him. He’s just been such an integral part of me building my life here at Redwood Hollow and I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you think you fit the general characteristics of that sign?

"Aries, babey! Passionate! Bold! Determined!” They strike a pose between each pronounced word. “I’d say those are all things that describe me, wouldn’t you? Of course you have your less-than-savory things like impulsive and impatient...I’d say I’m pretty textbook Aries.”

Have you ever written a love letter?

“Sure did. That was how the whole school found out I was gay. It was...honestly kind of a traumatizing experience. Whoops!”

Do you feel more connected to the moon or the sun?

"I feel like I’m a night owl but definitely have more of a sunny personality.”

When’s the last time you felt like you were floating?

“Honestly...probably the last time I talked to Ollie. You know that feeling you get after a really intense cry? Yeah, that.”

Do you believe in guardian angels?

“Not in the spiritual sense. I do believe there are people who come into your life to look out for you, and I try to be that for others.”

What’s a smell that reminds you of home?

“Weed.” They paused. “Sorry, you were probably looking for a less cynical answer, weren’t you? My Bubbe used to wear a scent called “Sunset on the Beach”--couldn’t tell you what was actually in it and I don’t think they even make it anymore. But I’ve smelled similar scents that remind me of it, and her.”

Name a song that makes you feel ethereal.

“MacArthur Park by Donna Summers”

Talk about one of your most cherished childhood memories.

"The first time my Bubbe took me to the theater. They were putting on a production of Follies. I didn’t have the slightest clue what was going on but it was the first time I’d ever seen anything like it. The singing, the costumes, the everything--it opened up my mind, heart, and began me on my gender journey. I wish I could meet the cast of that performance and let them know how much they shaped my life.”

Do you believe dreams have meanings or are they completely random?

"Well my last dream SOUNDED pretty random, but I love hearing how other people interpret dream meanings.”

Do you believe in mermaids?

"From myth and legend? No. Those people who will wear a mermaid tail and perform UNDERWATER? Stronger and braver than any US Marine.”

What’s a song that gives off good vibes anytime you listen to it?

“Do Your Thing by Basement Jaxx”

Name a book you don’t mind reading over and over.

“Say what you want about Judith Butler, but Gender Trouble is a foundational Queer Studies work and a very good introduction to the subject.”

What do you do to feel at peace?

“I can get into such a zone when I’m styling a wig or doing my makeup, it really relaxes me. Unless I’m on a deadline, in which case it’s extremely stressful.”

#headcanon #meme

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hydra-collector · 4 years

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in love

AO3

Ship: Intrulogical, background Royality

Characters: Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Virgil Sanders

TW: depression, mild panic, kissing, mild self-harm

Words: 2407

Summary: Logan is in love. But he’s not nearly ready to admit it.

"...and I mean I know we talk about it a lot, but what do you think Pavlov-"

"Remus?" Logan set his pen down from his notebook.

"Hm?"

"What does it feel like when Thomas is in love?"

Remus let his hands sink to his lap as Logan stared at his notes, almost embarrassed to ask such a question.

-rapid heartbeat

-flushed cheeks

-warmth in chest

"Well, you've been around when it happened, haven't you?"

Logan fidgeted, tapping his pen on the paper. "Well, yes, but it doesn't really affect me."

Remus laughed, grinning at the logical side. Logan blushed in embarrassment, looking at Remus.

"What's so funny?"

"How the hell would you not experience something that affects all of us?"

Logan looked back down. Remus was right. That was stupid.

Remus's face softened, and he placed his hand on Logan's for a short moment. "I mean, all of us have our own stuff. Patton gets really giddy and happy, whoever the guy is ends up being the only thing he talks about. Roman and he get really lovey-dovey, especially when my brother starts doing big romantic gestures for him. Virgil's panicking half the time, and the other half he's really chill since Thomas really likes the guy and is comforted by him. Janus is either deciding how bad or good the guy is gonna be for Thomas or trying to get him to simp. I get really gushy and obsessive and horny, and usually help with the flirting. And you... you're such a dork."

"What?"

"Not as in whale penis. You act like a complete fool, fumbling over your words and losing coherency at the slightest bit of affection Thomas gets. You'll try to come up with the best plans to seduce him or go through all the logical outcomes, but really you're just a dumbass gay. You're completely hopeless."

Logan shifted on the bed, drilling a hole in his notebook with his stare. "Well, that's not good."

"But it is! You're so dorky and lovable, sometimes I think the guy might like Thomas better if he was you. You mess up your words, or blush like he just confessed to you, or smile lovingly whenever he talks, or start noting down everything he likes to research it, and you get more affectionate with us, even if it's just a high five or leaning on someone's shoulder. You become such a dork, and you're absolutely adorable."

Logan couldn't control the heat on his cheeks, unable or unwilling to write down any more of his findings.

"I- um- well,"

Fumbling over your words.

Logan tensed up, offering only a small nod before bolting out of the room. He could vaguely process Remus's voice calling his name, but the only thing he could think about was the pounding in his chest and the flush on his cheeks.

He ripped up and burned the notebook when he arrived in his room.

Logan laid his head on the desk, close to crying. But he didn’t cry. So he was fine.

He heard footsteps entering the room, and a hand on his back. He tensed up before relaxing, and the hand patted his head a few times until he turned it.

“You good?” Virgil asked.

Logan stared at him. “I’m fine.”

Virgil pulled up the stool he kept by his desk, sitting down so he could be at level with Logan. “You’ve been acting different lately.”

Logan put his head back towards the wood. “I said I’m fine.”

“C’mon, you’ve been acting like a total dork. Staring off into space in a daydream, forgetting to do your work, even forgetting your facts when you get flustered about someone asking you about it."

Logan was tense, his nails digging into one arm. Virgil placed a hand on his shoulder, and he leaned into it, grateful for the affection.

“Hey, do you not like it when we talk about that stuff?”

Logan sighed. “I’m not incompetent.”

Virgil rubbed his hand comfortingly across Logan’s back. “Okay. I’ll tell the others to stop joking about it.”

Logan leaned towards him slightly, and he adjusted his chair to give his friend a side-hug. Virgil started messing with his hair, eliciting the tiniest of grins from Logan as he swatted Virgil’s hand away.

“There we go. There’s a smile from our favorite nerd.”

The residual smile stayed on his face as he turned his head towards Virgil.

“So who is it?”

Logan froze. He knew there was a blush creeping up on his face, and he hated that. Virgil was still grinning at him.

“No- no one.”

“It’s gotta be someone. You’re acting like a buffoon with how lovestruck you are.”

“I- I’m not!”

“I can see it, c’mon, admit it.”

Logan’s heart rate was increasing as he dug his nails into his skin, turning his head to the desk again. “I- please, I’m not-”

“Logan, I can still see you blushing. You’re a lovestruck fool.”

No, no, no, no no-

“Virgil-”

“Come on- ”

“ Will you shut up?!? ”

He took a deep breath, pressing his head against the wood hard. There were deep nail indents in his arms, and his back was tense and stiff.

“I’m sorry, Virgil, that was… unnecessary.” He had to force the words out.

“...Sorry, Logan.”

“Thank you. I’d appreciate it if you would leave.”

He heard the chair move back to its position, and Virgil’s footsteps recede. Logan let the tension fall from his shoulders, and it felt as if there were tears pricking at his eyes. But he didn’t cry.

He stayed there for a long while, thinking about the list he would need to make to fix his friends’ view of him.

“Hey nerd!”

Remus’s voice, his lovely, comforting voice, entered the room.

“You look like you’re dead. Or dying. You’re too stressed.”

Remus placed his hands on Logan’s shoulders, apparently in an attempt to massage them. God damn Remus’s knowledge of anatomy.

It felt nice.

He ran over his plan in his head, not crying. Not anywhere near crying. There couldn’t be tears in his eyes, because it didn’t matter. He didn’t care.

“Leave.”

Remus’s hands retracted, and Logan could feel droplets of water fall onto his arms. He held back the chokes and sobs with everything he had.

“Oh. Okay.”

The pained sound of Remus’s voice only caused more tears to fall. He wanted to go crawling back to his footsteps. He heard them getting faster as they left, and his chest was shot with pain when he heard a sob, one single, awful sob as Remus headed into the hallway.

Logan couldn’t hold back the rest of his tears, the sobs that escaped his throat. He should’ve never started talking to Remus in the first place.

He should’ve never let himself care.

Logan avoided Remus at all costs. He’d nearly run whenever he saw him in the room, make up excuses if Remus said his name, even though his heart jumped whenever he heard it. Remus must hate him at this point. And you can only love someone who hates you so much.

This would eventually go away.

He missed Remus. He missed his big smile, his ranting voice, his quiet voice, his touch. He so desperately wanted to hug him, say it was all a lie, his avoidance, and be friends again. He wanted to hear the “I love you,” whether it was platonic or… not.

But he couldn’t.

Because when he would go back, he’d fall harder. And maybe it was a fear of rejection, maybe it was his serious persona, but maybe…

He didn’t deserve it.

Logan had been in his room all day. He stayed in his room most days, everyone was getting worried about him. Patton kept trying to convince him to come to dinners, but those were with Remus, so he ate in his room. Janus kept telling him it wasn’t healthy, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t showering. Virgil noticeably avoided him occasionally, but for the most part vocalized his fear that there was something really wrong. Logan wasn’t sure how bad to judge his situation. Roman tried to either force him out or guilt trip him into hanging out with them. He knew they were just trying to help, but it was quite irritating.

Remus…

Remus, at least in the beginning, would come in, say a sentence or two, asking Logan if he wanted to talk. When he didn’t get a response, when Logan paused his typing to force tears back into his eyes. Remus’s voice was so small and soft, so anxious and hurt.

And it was Logan’s fault.

He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. This felt pointless, all the work he was doing. He was just tired, and hurt, and he hurt other people, and he was useless. He wanted Remus to come in with his new idea or fact, use Logan’s chest and stomach as a soft pillow or table for his messy papers.

But that was a stupid desire.

“Logan.”

He turned his head vaguely towards the door, where an annoyed looking Virgil stood. He awaited Virgil’s continuation, as he wasn’t going to prompt it himself.

Virgil trudged over to the bed, grabbing Logan’s arm and pulling him off of it.

“Hey!” Logan scrambled not to fall on the floor, to no avail.

“You’re depressed, come on.”

“I’m not-”

“Logan, I really don’t wanna have this argument. We’re worried about you. Remus is worried about you. And we’re worried about Remus, and you should be too.”

Logan adjusted his position to sit against the bed. “Remus doesn’t care about me.”

Virgil snorted, joining him on the floor. “You really think that?”

Logan continued staring at the floor.

“He’s head over heels for you, L. And now he thinks you hate him.”

Logan curled in on himself a little, tensing.

“Why are you so keen on avoiding him anyway?”

Logan considered his response for a moment. On one hand, he didn’t want Virgil to laugh at him. On the other… he didn’t want Remus to keep getting hurt.

“...I love him.”

“Well, yeah, but why’s that making you avoid him?”

“I…”

Maybe he didn’t even really know.

“I’m not supposed to feel. I don’t want to. And Remus, well… he makes me feel a lot of things. Things I don’t understand.”

He took a glance towards Virgil, who had turned his head towards the ceiling.

“Yeah. I don’t think anybody really does. I sure don’t. Roman and Patton make it look so easy, but it took a long time for them to get there. You remember, right? How Patton got so flustered he couldn’t even talk around Roman. And then he’d just choose his target to gush about Roman to.”

“It’s just… Remus told me that when Thomas is in love, I get really stupid and unorganized, and then you said that, and… if being good enough for Thomas involves-”

“ What ?”

Virgil’s tone sounded aggressive, and Logan turned to look at him anxiously. “Did I-”

“Logan, you’re already good enough for Thomas. You don’t need to be completely emotionless. Plus, logic often relies on how Thomas feels. Sure, Thomas might be a little more awkward than usual, but there’s nothing wrong with that. And if you tell Remus how you feel, it’ll rid you of the negative effects on Thomas faster than repressing your emotions and staying in your room until you’re completely depressed.

“Plus, if you don’t tell him, I will.”

“Virgil!”

“He’s been crying for the past three days, Logan.”

Logan sighed, leaning against Virgil and closing his eyes. “Thanks.”

Virgil wrapped his arm around him. “Now get the hell out of your room.”

Logan took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before heading to Remus’s room. It wasn’t too far down the hall from his own. His heart beat fast as he knocked on the dark green door, covered in scratches and unidentifiable fluids.

He heard a soft sound come from inside, something that put a pang of pain in his heart. He got no response other than muffled cries.

“...Remus?”

The sound immediately stopped.

Remus opened the door to reveal his disheveled look. Messy hair, red eyes, and a costume that looked like he’d tried to rip it up.

“Are you- do-”

“I’m sorry.”

Remus hesitated, staring into Logan’s eyes.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Logan held a hand out, desperately hoping Remus would take it.

He did.

“I never… I never should have made you feel like I hated you. It’s… it’s torture to hear you feeling negatively at all.”

Remus was crying, a wavering smile growing unsteadily on his face. He came closer, letting go of Logan’s hand and reaching his arms out in a huglike motion. Logan accepted it, shoving himself towards Remus’s half extended arms. He held on, tight, pushing his fingers through Remus’s hair, eyes shut tight.

“I- I should’ve helped you, L. I knew you were having a hard time, and I ignored it. And- and maybe you wouldn’t have felt so bad, this is- this is my fault-”

Logan held on tighter. “No. No it’s not. It’s not your fault that I was an asshole and avoided you and made you think I hate you, especially because… I don’t. At all.”

Logan took a deep breath. “I love you. Romantically. And I’m finished with telling myself I can’t be.”

Remus dug his head into Logan’s chest, a grin spreading on his face. He started laughing, almost, or perhaps he was just crying. “I love you too.”

Logan smiled, stroking Remus’s hair as he placed a kiss to his head. Remus leaned back, his addictive touch gone from all but Logan’s hands. He was led properly inside Remus’s room, and the door was shut so Remus could lean up to kiss him.

It was surprising at first, but as he relaxed into it, pressing back. He wrapped his arms around Remus’s waist, pulling him closer, holding him tighter. The beating of his heart couldn’t be ignored if he tried.

Finally, and reluctantly, they broke. Remus put his head in Logan’s chest again, a content smile on his face. Logan loosened his grip, relaxing into the hug.

“We’ll have to try that again sometime,” Logan mumbled into Remus’s hair.

Remus placed a small kiss between Logan’s shoulder and neck, the closest spot he could reach.

“Well… is there any problem with doing it again now?”

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aliresix · 3 years

Text

I’m watching One Piece

Episodes 1-50

In the very first scenes, Nami doesn’t have such an exaggerated body. But as time goes by it gets worse.

For some reason I think Usopp and Hanji (from snk) would get along well??? Just… I don’t know, science buddies and major nonbinary vibes.

I’m dying they’re spelling Luffy as “Rufy”. H e l p

How does Zoro talk in an understandable way so casually while having a fucking sword in his mouth????????

I can’t look at the tag for this fandom and I won’t be able to for 3 to 5 months. I don’t think I’ll resist that long.

Ep. 45 was just everyone going “awww baby’s first wanted poster”

Now that I think about it, how is taking several trees with you on a boat a good choice, Nami?

I want to appreciate all the voice actors

Luffy is the master of sleeping when he’s in danger/has almost died.

Zoro was straight up ready to lose an arm just to get a good sword. And they don’t have - yet - a doctor with them? What

Fuckin hell ep 50 gave me a dejavu but I love my lying son Usopp so worth it

Episodes 50-100

MY BABY SANJI FOUND THE ALL BLUE. Good for him, good for him.

Luffy. Luffy I love you. But how did you survive after getting struck by lightning and falling from something so tall??????

The marine trying to set the Merry Going on fire while it rains: yeah we brought gunpowder but we need more cause it got wet VS That one guy from Buggy’s crew: trying to light a match under the rain.

Every time someone learns they are pirates they’re super scared. then they get to know them and they’re like “ah”.

Please tell me at some point Luffy has/will come back to the whale. The poor thing deserves it.

LUFFY WHAT MAKES YOU THINK EATING WORMS IS A GOOD IDEA

Oh my god Luffy sleep-talked and the others anwered I can’t

Zoro: * is about to get turned into a wax statue*. Also Zoro: gotta look good while I’m at it

Luffy went up a vertical mountain, in the snow, barely dressed and barefoot. While carrying two people. My boy is strong as fuck.

Me: no I won’t cry. Chopper’s whole backstory: hi.

Only Luffy’s brother could not be bother by Luffy having a reindeer in his cruise.

I want one of those turtle-seal things. I’ll keep it with me and cherish it forever.

Episodes 100-150

Places Luffy has fallen asleep at: a pit he created, the middle of a square, a beach after falling from a cliff.

Luffy, insulting a crocodile by calling it a “damned banana”. Gotta love him.

Luffy: almost dies. Also Luffy: M E A T

The lesbian energy just radiating from every interaction between Nami and Vivi is killing me (the bath scene??? help)

Love that despite them risking their own life, Nami still puts her maps first.

They just keep rescuing people they find in the sea and help them out

This time they’re just chilling around in the boat of the people trying to catch them (also I kinda want to cook/eat curry rn)

Their reactions when Luffy was interested in a book were priceless

I can’t believe this old man defeated the marine with GOATS

Hey remember that one time the Merry Going came out of a rainbow mist flying?

hOW IS KEEPING A CIGARETTE WHEN YOU’RE IN A DIVING SUIT A GOOD IDEA, SANJI??????’

Mh so falling asleep in critical situations runs in the family, right, Ace?

Episodes 150-200

The only other reaction to the straw hats is "these idiots are dumb and therefore weak" and then getting your ass beaten.

THEY JUST GOT YEETED IN THE SKY BY WATER AND LUFFY'S LIKE "FUNNY". WHAT?

What the actual fuck is happening in the clouds I'm very concerned

They said a lot of money but Sanji converted it in rice I’m dying over here

Single parent Usopp having to deal with all the problem children (expect Robin. In this house we stan Robin.) is a mood

Same thing goes for Nami hitting that dude in the face with a boat cause the price was too high

BIg brain time and it’s just “what if Robin knew how to fight with a sword”. She’d be even more unstoppable. Also woman with sword so

Luffy: gets attacked by dangerous wild animal. Luffy’s first thought: Hey Sanji can we eat it?

Once again, Luffy’s priority are well set: throw that golden necklace away, look for meat instead.

Fellas is it gay to trust a man you never met with the lives of your whole village, get mad at him and then forgive him while running in the water and telling him you’ll wait for him, and protect your land thinking that you need to be there for when he'll return? Asking for a friend.

WHY DID THAT ONE TELL THAT NORLAND WAS A LIAR FUCK THAT ONE IN PARTICULAR

I did some calculations (that are probably worng but shhh nobody needs to know that) and anyways remember the big golden ball attached to Luff’s arm for, like, 5 episodes? Well, it should weight somewhere between 140-150 kg and 200 kg. WHAT. Luffy supremacy, once again.

Pfft look at those idiots trying to escape with the gold while the citizens run after them to give them more.

How isn't anyone in Navarone recognizing them istg it doesn't make sense they are wanted by the law

Chopper decided to risk his life for the lives of complete strangers. What a good doctor.

#one piece #my posts #this is mostly for me #cause this post was gettin waaay to far in the drafts #so just ignore this and the future updates #long post #i'll want to find this

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aros001 · 3 years

Text

First time read through light novel vol. 18. Random thoughts.

I somewhat suspect the author was hungry while writing this volume.

Also, wow, I knew Kizuna was short but the prior artworks never gave me the full idea of how short. She

is only chest-high compared to Naofumi and Glass (I suppose that could make Glass happy, though; ease of access for Kizuna and whatnot).

Given that, outside of the natural gluttons like Filo, S’yne, and the killer whale sisters, the only person on Naofumi's side with the "Eat food for EXP" matter is Itsuki, I think this is him falling dangerously close to thinking only in terms of game mechanics instead of reality, much like the other three heroes had been early on. Theoretically, yes, if you can gain levels and strength just by eating, why wouldn't you do a lot of it? But he's almost outright ignoring the physical discomfort and pain it's causing his allies and seeing only the numbers. Not to mention that he himself doesn't appear to be eating nearly as much, as he's focus on the cooking.

That said, it is cute that this is the first time in her life Filo is starting to feel full.

Chapter One: Sloth

OH SHI-! Oh, wait. Wrong franchise. We're good. I did not want to have to imagine Kizuna biting her fingers off (Kizuna: "My brain trembles!!!).

If Kizuna is indeed suffering under the curse of Sloth, I'm curious what triggered that specific sin for her. We only have the four heroes of Raphtalia's world to go off of but each sin applied to that specific hero for a reason. Naofumi: Wrath because of his hatred of what Witch and Trash put him through. Ren: Greed because he wanted more EXP, levels, and loot; a toxic extreme of his solo-adventuring. Itsuki: Pride because he believed only in his view of justice. And Motoyasu: lust and envy because of his obsession with Filo and being kept away from her. Kizuna's obsession with fishing, even when there's other important matters that need to be dealt with, I suppose could be considered lazy and thus lead to sloth as its extreme, but it feels a little bit like a stretch.

As he did so, the books from a nearby shelf whirled up into the air, forming . . . a dinosaur . . . perhaps. No, a dragon. The monster’s name was “Magical Tome Dragon.” Now things were really getting a bit crazy. A dragon created from books! Was this some kind of joke?

I want a Yu-Gi-Oh card of that.

“Don’t tell me, Glass is like the Raphtalia of this world? Could we really get that lucky?”

I mean, that's what the fandom likes to joke when it comes to her and Kizuna.

Breaking the sloth curse through Kizuna's love of fishing was about what I expected. Not complaining, of course. Again though, I'm just wonder what about her coincides with Sloth. She prefers talking it out and making allies as opposed to fighting but I wouldn't exactly call that lazy or slothful either.

Kizuna had a lot of folks like this among her allies—people who had started out as enemies but then became allies. If I fought someone as an enemy, there was generally no coming back—there were exceptions, like Sadeena and Shildina, so it was probably better not to generalize.

Glass and L'Arc are literally standing right next to Naofumi as he thinks this and Motoyasu, Ren, and Itsuki all tried to murder him at one point or another. S'yne was part of the gladiator fights too, now that I think about it, and while they never fought he and Trash were definitely enemies for a while. This dude turns more enemies into friends than freakin' Naruto. Being kind of oblivious is part of Naofumi's character but I suppose this could be seen as an interesting look as to how exactly he considers someone an enemy. If they fought him for reasons he eventually came to understand and sympathize with, then he perhaps doesn't consider them as ever having been a "true" enemy.

Aww, Glass is jealous of Tsugumi being close to Kizuna. And unlike Raphtalia with Naofumi, Kizuna doesn't have any kind of tragedy that keeps her opposed to relationship and would require Glass to be patient. I suppose Glass could simply be afraid of hurting their friendship by proposing romance or even that Kizuna doesn't swing that way. And this is from Naofumi's perspective, so Glass being gay could be completely off the mark. Still, it'd be nice to get a solid landing one way or another. Even Eclair unknowingly rejecting Ren at least give solid confirmation that he's into her and why they're not together.

“What! I’m the Hunting Hero! I don’t handle the cooking part!” Kizuna complained.

“And I’m the Shield Hero!” I retorted. Not the Stewpot Hero! If anyone called me that, I would kill them with cookery!

And technically, you're not even that right now. Not with that mirror on your arm. The mirror is cool and all but I am looking forward to Naofumi eventually getting his shield back. He just feels incomplete without it.

“Almost feeding time!” one of them said. Others proceeded to chime in.

“Yes . . . the time we’ve all been waiting for.”

“The moment we live for, basically!”

“Even if I only get to eat one mouthful . . . that is the fuel that will keep me alive!”

“I’ll never eat anything but his cooking ever again!”

“I think the schweiz is the best! It has to be!”

“No! The stietz!”

“Hey! No fighting! We’ve been warned about fighting!”

Did they stumble across a food cult?

“It isn’t bad,” Filo said. “It just isn’t as nice as yours, Master.”

“Well, okay . . .” I replied.

“All of the heroes have cooked in the village, Mr. Naofumi, but Filo and everyone else all feel the same way,” Raphtalia told me.

Filo also grew up with Naofumi's cooking since birth, so while he's already a good cook you get the added taste of home for her. I've said it before but out of everyone I consider Filo to be the most like Naofumi's daughter.

“Then you wish to settle the bill,” she replied. I thought it was free. As my suspicions intensified, the girl spread both of her hands and continued. “How was the food at Seya’s restaurant? It was so delicious, wasn’t it? If you wish to become a member, please leave all of your assets or hand over anything that can be turned into money. If you leave some personal items as collateral, you can have some time to go and fetch some offerings.”

Yep, that's a cult alright.

“Master’s food!” Filo said.

“They’ll get a surprise when they taste what you’re cooking, kiddo,” L’Arc said.

“Indeed. Your victory is assured, if that’s the best they can do,” Glass agreed. I was still concerned about how aggressive they were being. Were they hopped up on endorphins or something? They weren’t acting in character at all.

My first thought was that the OOC behavior was some side effect Naofumi didn't realize came with the Mirror weapon's power-up method, but then why wouldn't Raphtalia or Kizuna be effected when they have been eating the food too? Then I thought maybe they were more used to eating Naofumi's food in general and would have a tolerance to any addictive effects, but then why is Filo still effected?

“That’s the best dish Seya’s restaurant has to offer! Seya’s curry bag! And it’s Fifth Floor too!” one of the MCs shouted. I barely stopped myself from tipping over onto the ground. He really was just reheating a premade curry in a bag! So he was allowed to heat and serve already finished dishes? I mean, that might give me some ideas myself . . .

“The flavors that are normally lost in reheating have been sealed in the bag using proprietary technology! Now you get the maximized flavor from the moment you open the bag! This truly is the ultimate culinary technique! Everyone, watch this kitchen miracle closely as it unfolds before your astounded eyes!” The MCs continued their diatribe, but it just made it harder for me to keep a straight face. It was all a matter of perspective. Capturing the flavor in a bag was certainly a worse approach than making it on the spot.

“Naofumi . . . am I imagining things? It looks to me like he’s just adding or warming up instant ingredients using hot water,” Kizuna said.

So, like most other antagonists in this series lately, Seya is just an arrogant, entitled fraud high on his own stolen power. Why am I not surprised? Though he is giving me a bit of a Kazuma from Konosuba vibe with how he managed to figure out how to recreate items the old heroes would have talked about from Japan. It's odd to say he doesn't have nearly the same level of charisma as Kazuma give...well...it's Kazuma and he's deliberately written to be a massive scumbag.

I do like with his magic powers and awesome cape, Naofumi is basically the little muddy boy meeting a superhero, one who will save the day through cooking.

As for Kizuna . . . I handed her some of the fish we had brought in and had her cut it up. She’d finished with the poisonous fish already. Her life as a fishing fool was paying off now. She knew her way around a fish. The blood had been skillfully drained, and overall, she was a step ahead when it came to gutting and cleaning.

...You think the Hunting Tool can turn into something like the Wunder Boner

I explained pointedly, looking at Seya, Trash III, and the other MC. Trash III responded by flipping me off. I could taunt with the best of them, and I mouthed some swear words back.

I mean, one of my favorite scenes in Isekai Quartet was Naofumi and Shalltear sassing each other, so I can agree with that.

“Pollution?” Kizuna asked, looking puzzled.

“You didn’t notice that?” I replied. “Well, just watch.” She wasn’t the brightest bulb, that was for sure.

“Hmmm, I think I need to go wash up,” the rotund noble said. “I’ll be right back.” The judges proceeded to take turns visiting the washroom. Once they had all returned, it was time to eat Seya’s food.

“Huh?” Kizuna, L’Arc, and Therese were looking puzzled. The other diners around us too. I guess there was cause for a little suspicion.

...Did Naofumi give them laxatives?

“Ah!” Kizuna finally cottoned on. “So that’s why you used so many medicinal herbs in your dishes!”

“Exactly. The reason they all wanted to go to the washroom after eating was to expel the toxins. I also used other herbs to bolster the lethargic feeling that would bring on,” I explained.

He gave the judges f**king laxatives! That's hilarious! I get the actual explanation he gives is more complicated than that, relating to purifying and digestion and getting them to finally take notice of the toxins in Seya's food now that they're free from its hold, but it's funny to think that's basically what he did. He won a cooking competition through dishes that encouraged the judges to take a sh*t (or a p*ss, I suppose).

“Hey . . . you’ve been reading too many cooking manga. It’s an illusion that delicious and good things will be evaluated highly. What you need is popularity and demand,” I said. Of course, it had to taste good, but putting the emphasis on that as a bare requirement was also a problem. If you were planning on selling food in a restaurant, of course it had to taste good. Customers came because of other elements, because of popularity. If Seya’s restaurant collapsed here, it would cause trouble for all the judges. That was why I’d created an escape for them. In order to realize the future that boy wanted.

While we don't see Naofumi selling his wares so much anymore because he has far less of a need to, it is nice we do still get that cynical and merchant side of him. All that time didn't just go to waste and it's still a key part of his character.

“What, then? What do you want?” Seya asked.

“There’s someone behind all of this, correct? Someone pulling the strings. If you tell us all about that, we’ll let you go. Hey, I have an idea. Write it down on this piece of paper here. I want a record of this.” I said and passed a piece of paper to him. Seya’s expression immediately brightened.

“That’s all you want? Fine, I can—” But the rest of that sentence vanished into an awful grunt. The moment Seya tried to write a single word, his head simply crumpled in on itself. He managed a brief scream, and then his entire melon exploded. I didn’t want to traumatize my allies, so I quickly threw up a cage and blocked out the grisly scene. Then I gave a sigh.

Well...that was kind of f**ked up for Naofumi to do. Don't get me wrong, after what they had to do to get Takt to be willing to confess, this is much less horrific. But Naofumi did basically just give Seya false hope and then trick him into executing himself. I get why he did it and how dangerous the vanguards are, but it is interesting to think that while ROTSH isn't the darkest of the light novel series I've been reading, Naofumi, save for Ainz Ooal Gown, is definitely the most morally grey of the protagonists compared to Kazuma, Subaru, and Goblin Slayer.

“No matter how delicious the food is, if you eat the same thing every time, you’ll start to get sick of it. Once you get sick of it, you won’t overeat simply because you won’t want to. I’ve been applying that concept to my food,”

That is better than what I was thinking with Naofumi getting too into the game mechanics. And boy do I feel for his friends. It's the same thing that killed me off of soda for a few years. Obviously it's worse to starve than be overstuffed but it's still not a pleasant experience.

We were talking about the primary reason why Kizuna was summoned here in the first place. To put it simply, the idea was to revive the Demon Dragon.

YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

And they Tanya'd him too; reborn as an infant of the opposite gender. So does that make Kizuna or Naofumi Being X?

“Seriously . . . it brings dragon tears to my dragon eyes to see you, the great Shield Hero who defeated me, now reduced to this.” The Demon Dragon placed her front paws against her head and muttered sadly to herself.

“I hope you aren’t looking for sympathy,” I said harshly.

“Just think about it for a moment. The same bunch who shouted about defeating me and saving the world are now back, having screwed everything up, relying on me—their sworn enemy—to save them! Take a look around. Does this world look like it’s at peace to you? Well?” the dragon said, really coming for me now. What was worse, I didn’t really have a reply. This world was still plagued by humans fighting each other and had been ravaged by the vanguards of the waves. Everything the dragon had said so far had been so on the money that Kizuna and Glass probably didn’t have any response either. “Can you see how this might feel like something from your own past? Having been chased as a criminal, and then having to clean up after those very weaklings who were chasing you after they had been beaten down by the waves and people from another world?” That punch really landed hard. I wanted to call it a low blow, but she was basically providing a stunningly succinct summary of my life in these other worlds.

Seriously though, after Kyo, Takt, and the various other vanguards, it is so refreshing to have a villain who speaks with some dignity and can actually make a decent point or two, rather than "I'm strong so I can do whatever I want! Losers!" In my vol. 16 random thoughts I compared Takt to All For One from My Hero Academia and I still feel the same way. The two are not that much different goal-wise. They wanted the world and had the power to make it theirs, thus their actions. It is an immature goal when you think about it but AFO did not act anywhere near as immature as Takt and it made him feel so much more intimating. He would sometimes mock his enemy but when he did they were deep cuts that he knew would get under the skin of someone he truly hated, like All Might, rather than just throwing out insults and acting like a brat. And the Demon Dragon is the same (the High Priest too, now that I remember him, even if I don't talk about him as much). I liked Glass as an antagonist because she was intimidating, spoke only as much as she needed to, and was very powerful compared to the protagonists at that time, getting Naofumi to fear facing her again and giving her weight to the story and for the audience. Finding out later her motivations gave her some depth and added grey to the situation. The Demon Dragon is not nearly as sympathetic, but he still works for a lot of the reasons she did. There's presence to him, er, her. It's not a brat who needs to be knocked off their high horse but a genuine threat.

And being able to work with the heroes weirdly makes that even better. The Demon Dragon calls a 100 year truce, not because she's on the side of good, but because she wants there to still be a world around for her to take over. She's completely open about her goal, which ironically makes it easier to trust her.

“That should do for now,” the dragon said. “Hmmm, and this is a female body. Excellent. Shield Hero, under the condition that you will ultimately mate with me, I shall provide even greater cooperation.” So that was how long it took for things to take a crazy turn.

Still a little weird that she wants to f**k Naofumi though. And when the anime gets to this part there is almost definitely going to be a fanfic or doujin. Actually, now that I think about it, there are going to be creators getting some mileage out of when the Demon Dragon tried to take Naofumi over earlier in the series.

“Can’t you make do with Kizuna? She’s one of the four holies from this world. You’ll just have to overcome the gender barrier,” I said.

“Why me?!” Kizuna exclaimed.

“What are you planning on doing to Kizuna?” Now Glass turned a hostile gaze on me too.

Ahh, Naofumi's such a d*ck, I love it. Also, now that's two rivals in one book for Glass. She's almost caught up with Raphtalia.

It would have suited us better if the enemy was a bunch of morons. It was annoying that life never worked out quite so easily. We had no idea how bad it was going to get with the waves, so we had to plan our moves carefully and move to prevent this “fusion of the worlds,” whatever that meant.

Wouldn't that be a heck of a comeback to my bitching about the villains? The ones behind the vanguards have been sending out their idiots first, the ones arrogant and drunk off their power, to soften up the heroes first and cause a bunch of damage but that they know will ultimately just get killed. Takt and the others getting offered up as sacrificial lambs basically because those like S'yne's sister don't like them either.

“I’m starting to feel sorry for Naofumi,” Kizuna agreed.

“He probably thinks you two are in the ‘harem,’” I told them.

“I really don’t like that,” Glass responded. “No, I don’t. I don’t like that at all.” I wasn’t sure why she said it three times, but I didn’t like it either. Just for the record.

“Naofumi is a friend and a comrade, but we’re not like that!” Kizuna retorted. I wondered if she really understood the situation. She was the type who needed things to be said directly to her face.

“A shame we don’t have Fohl here. Even L’Arc would have worked,” I said. Just a few guys mixed in might have broken the group up a bit and prevented it from looking like a harem.

“Naofumi . . . even if we did have some guys, it would probably just give them some different ideas. Like . . . boys love?” Kizuna said. It sounded like, whatever the composition of the party, they would presume a lewd relationship with me at the center.

You know, you never hear about this kind of thing with Ren and Itsuki. Motoyasu went out of his way to have a harem and he still doesn't get it thrown at him as much as Naofumi does. Maybe it's one of those "He protest too much" kind of mindsets, where the more Naofumi denies it the more people think it's true.

“You got lucky. If a wave had occurred with the world of our illustrious leader, we were planning on shattering you. That’s the problem with this system; that’s the only way to get the reward for destroying a world,” the sister explained. I’d heard this talk about rewards for destroying worlds before, I vaguely recalled. I had no idea where that reward came from.

So there's a third world mixed up in all this. Obviously there already was the implication of multiple universes with S'yne and such but now there's a big spotlight on somewhere besides Raphtalia and Kizuna's worlds, where the big bad supposedly lives.

“That’s pretty much what I was expecting. Shield Hero, let me tell you something interesting,” the Demon Dragon began. Then she looked at the Artificial Behemoth’s chest again. “That part there houses a corrupted holy weapon from this world, which has artificially turned the monster into one of the four holy heroes and has allowed it all the power-up methods. It’s basically the monster version of a holy hero.”

I'm somewhat suspecting it's the Blunt Force Holy Weapon, given how easily that beast is smashing through barriers.

The soul that Raphtalia had pulled from the vanguard of the waves was not much like the body it had come from. Instead, it was a gloomy, Japanese-looking guy who was probably in his thirties.

...

“The vanguards of the waves are people who have been reborn or transferred over here after being selected by the one who assumes the name of God. They are given all sorts of abilities, such as the power to steal holy weapons or seven star weapons. They come into these worlds and start causing chaos,” I explained.

“Reborn? You mean like having spare bodies, like Kyo?” Raphtalia asked.

“No, something else. Just their souls were led to this world from Japan, and then they were reborn here as someone from this world. With their memories of the past,” I said. For example, they are people who died in unfortunate accidents—people like Ren, Itsuki, and Motoyasu. This “god” would whisper to them that they had died an untimely death and offer to reincarnate them in any world they liked. They were already dead and so had no reason to reject such an offer. If they did, the “god” probably claimed to be taken with their resolve and promised to give them additional cheat powers, basically forcing them to accept. In some cases, maybe they were just forced to be reborn, no matter what they felt. I’d read books like that, loads of them. Now that they knew being summoned to another world was actually a thing, why not getting reborn or transferred over?

So I was right about Takt being some OC f**kboy! They're all OCs! They're people from Japan who died and now are getting to live out their sh*tty power fantasy fanfiction as their equally sh*tty original character! As a source of useful but disposable minions, that's actually kind of brilliant. We saw how bad Motoyasu, Ren, and Itsuki had been at the beginning (with Naofumi himself potentially on that path as well before he was betrayed) and they were chosen by weapons that actually have the world's best interest at heart. Take those same people and have a malevolent entity constantly feeding their egos and pushing them to do terrible things because "it's their right to do so" and "they're the real heroes" and you've got an near endless source of wrenches to throw into the works of those trying to stop you.

Of course, now I just have this image in my head that the World Eater is Aqua from Konosuba. Which would actually be kind of amazing, not gonna lie. A godly being reincarnating otakus from Japan into a new fantasy-based world for a singular purpose and giving them special powers and tools in exchange.

“What if . . . and just hear me out . . . what if this one who assumes the name of a god is somehow responsible for my game knowledge?” Itsuki quietly suggested. That sounded possible to me now. Even if being summoned was the correct process, having some prior knowledge would change your actions once you arrived.

Before, when the Shield Spirit had explained to Naofumi that he was a first pick choice and the other three heroes were their weapons' third picks, I'd theorized as to why and how the final selection ended up. Assuming the weapons were telling the truth about being able to grant any wish once the waves were over, it could be assumed they have some power over reality even in the four's home universe. So I'd theorized the weapons set up a window to snag their picks, with the shield getting Naofumi and the other weapons, by sheer unfortunance, had their picks keep missing the window and thus they became more desperate, thus why their third picks had to die in order to reincarnate because the weapons couldn't leave things to chance anymore.

Now, with the new speculation and info, we can assume the World Eater has some influence over other universes too, including the heroes' original ones. So two new theories come to mind.

The first, and one I find most likely, is that the World Eater is causing video games that are similar to the worlds impacted by the waves to appear in the original worlds of the heroes. In theory, the butterfly effect could cause a chain of events that'd lead to such games existing, so it's not like the World Eater is just dropping them into each reality. It would just need to nudge things in the right direction. If video game knowledge is actually detrimental to the heroes, then that leaves less choices for the Holy Weapons (at least in regards to what their ideal candidates would be) and opens up more choices for the World Eater, since it wants arrogant and know-it-alls like that for vanguards.

The second, which could still work with the first, is that the World Eater is aware of humans the Holy Weapons have their eyes on and is actively sabotaging them. A weapon has a first choice, so the World Eater throws the game or other things in their path to turn them into a less desirable option, possibly even vanguard material.

After all my comments about the recent antagonists, S'yne's sister is starting to grow on me. She's filling a similar role as Witch; manipulating and using people before ultimately tossing them aside. But like the Demon Dragon and High Priest, there is more of an air of dignity about her than with Witch. With the exception of her sister, she's not really talking down and belittling anyone to try and promote her own strength. Like Glass she feels like someone who is genuinely powerful and doesn't need to prove it. How she's using the enemies of the week is curious and perhaps even a little scary because it does feel like she's testing and experimenting and these losses are not really a loss for her. And there's the added mystery Sadeena threw in over what she really wants. Whether bad guy with a bigger agenda or a secret good guy, she's more enjoyable to read about, as opposed to the vanguards where the biggest enjoyment they offer is watching them get taken down, and even that's not much with all the whining and tantrums they have after they're beaten. She's different from Witch and Kyo. She's not completely high off her own power and doesn't refuse to recognize her enemies' strength. Her casually teleporting away for a bit when she realized the battle was turning in the heroes' favor gave a ton to her character.

I'm just looking forward to when she gets a name other than S'yne's sister or Moron Woman. I appreciate Naofumi's completely lack of caring for learning the names of people who don't deserve it, but if she's going to be a serious antagonist or secret ally, a name would help.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/shieldbro/comments/kdwai7/first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_18_random/

#rising of the shield hero #random thoughts #reddit repost

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bumblesimagines · 4 years

Text

Vlad and Axsel

Request: Yes or No

"Thanks again, Ms. Franks!" (Y/N) called over his shoulder, leaving the store. He sipped on his slushie, heading over to his jeep. He heard shouting, turning his head and seeing John B flying over a chain.

"Oh, fuck." (Y/N) jogged over, laughing. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked, trying to hold back his snickers. John B grunted, looking at his side. (Y/N) followed his gaze, seeing the blood.

"Oh, shit. Come on, let's get you fixed up." (Y/N) said, helping him up and taking him to his car. John B made the seat move back.

"Is there a woman and a man who look like No Neck Ed and Rose from that one show?" John B asked.

"You mean 90 day fiancé?" (Y/N) furrowed his brows, looking at the spot they had previously been at.

"Yep. There's Walmart budget Rose and the taller version of No Neck Ed." (Y/N) looked at him, nodding.

"Fucking drive." John B ushered. (Y/N) put his slushie and bag of cheetos down, getting his seatbelt on and driving away.

"What's up with you? Why are you running from the cops?" (Y/N) asked. John B moved the seat back to normal.

"It's, uh, long story." John B replied, reaching for a cheeto. (Y/N) smacked his hand.

"Ask first and say please." (Y/N) huffed. "No manners."

"Can I please have a cheeto?" John B asked. (Y/N) gave a nod. "Yes, you can, John B."

"You know my name?" John B asked, brows raising. He didn't expect it. Then again, he didn't expect Topper's fraternal twin to help him either. (Y/N) nodded.

"Your friend put a gun to my brothers head." He shrugged. John B blinked, watching him. (Y/N) noticed.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I was scared for his life but he was a douchebag. He needed a nice slice of humble pie." (Y/N) shrugged. "Even though he threw it back up." He shook his head.

"Huh.." John B blinked. He never expected (Y/N) Thornton, the fraternal twin of the entitled Topper Thornton, to help him and not blame his friends for the fiasco from the days prior.

"Make a turn here."

"Sure thing, boss." (Y/N) turned a corner, stopping and watching John B get out of the car, running off and picking something off the ground. John B returned, getting in. (Y/N) drove to Figure Eight, driving to his place.

"Woah, if Topper or your mom see me-"

"Mom is out and Topper is hanging out with Sarah's bitchy brother." (Y/N) said, getting out the car with him and heading inside. (Y/N) led him to an empty room, getting a first aid kit and started to clean his injury. John B hissed, pouting and huffing.

"Big baby." (Y/N) mumbled, grinning. John B met his gaze, taking in his features. (Y/N) was obviously the hotter twin, personality and appearance wise. At least, in John B's mind he was. He and (Y/N) never really spoke, occasionally bumping into each other back when John B worked for Ward. (Y/N) and Sarah were close, practically attached at the hip. John B was surprised when Topper was the one who ended up with Sarah.

"Quick question."

"Hm?"

"Why aren't you and Sarah a thing?" John B asked, eyes raking over (Y/N)'s features. (Y/N) snorted, putting everything away.

"I don't know.. Maybe cause she's dating my brother and I don't like girls?" (Y/N) stared at him. John B blinked, sitting up.

"Y-you like guys? L-Like, you're-"

"Gay." (Y/N) nodded. "Is there a problem with that?"

"N-No! Of course not! I-I'm bisexual." John B quickly cleared up. (Y/N) hummed and nodded.

"Okay.. Need me to drop you off anywhere? A friends house?" (Y/N) tilted his head. John B licked his lips.

"The Wreck." He replied. (Y/N) hummed and nodded, getting up. As they walked down a hallway, John B paused, looking at a painting. (Y/N) noticed and turned, looking at him.

"What's up?" He asked. "Interested in Denmark Tanny?"

"Who?"

"He's the founder of Tannyhill." (Y/N) shrugged, slowly approaching him and looking at the painting.

"How did a slave found a cotton plantation?" John B asked, looking at him. He didn't know why but he just couldn't shake the feeling that the painting was connected to him.

"Cause he was a free man. He showed up out of nowhere and paid for all the land in gold." (Y/N) told him. "There's your history lesson of the day."

"In gold?" John B looked at the painting. He took off his backpack, checking inside and taking out a piece of paper. "Why do I recognise that name?" John B flipped the paper over.

"He.. He was on the Royal Merchant." John B mumbled. (Y/N) furrowed his brows.

"The ship that disappeared and left no survivors?" (Y/N) questioned. John B nodded.

"What else do you know about him?" John B asked. (Y/N) shrugged.

"Sarah mentioned that when she and her family moved in they found a shitload of his stuff and they donated it to the state archives at Chapel Hill." (Y/N) replied, staring at him.

"Change of plans, I need to go to Chapel Hill." John B said, passing by him. (Y/N) blinked, turning and following him.

"Why?" he asked, getting in the jeep with him.

"Can't say. I need to get into the archives. How can I get in?"

"Sarah gave me a trustee pass cause she said she wouldn't be interested in that type of stuff." (Y/N) shrugged, looking at him.

"Can I borrow the pass?" John B asked.

"Like you borrowed the scuba gear from Ward?" (Y/N) tilted his head. John B licked his lips, sighing.

"Sarah got mad at you and ranted to me about it. She didn't snitch on you to Ward.. It was Topper." (Y/N) told him. "Topper's the only snitch in the family."

"Okay, the less you know the better. I need you to trust me." John B said, a bit desperately.

"No can do, macho man. I can, however, go with you to Chapel Hill."

"No-"

"It's settled, baby boy. I'm going with you." (Y/N) grinned, turning the jeep on and driving away. John B ignored the fluttery feeling in his stomach. hey got to the port and got out, (Y/N) grabbing the backpack he had in the backseat. They headed to where the ferry tickets were sold but saw that they were sold out. John B jogged over, asking if they were sold out but was brushed off.

"Goddamn it." John B mumbled. (Y/N) turned his head, looking at a tugboat. John B grabbed his hand, pulling him along.

"Ever been in a tugboat?" John B asked. (Y/N) furrowed his brows.

"No?"

"Okay, we're gonna talk our way onto this barge. I got this. These are my people." John B said. (Y/N) hummed, nodding.

"Alright, boss." (Y/N) watched him walk away. He watched them talk from a distance, giving an amused grin when John B was shot down. John B returned.

"Your people, huh? They must really love you." (Y/N) chuckled. John B rolled his eyes.

"Got anything better?"

"Of course, baby boy. I'm the brains and Topper is... Topper." (Y/N) scanned the barge and hummed, grabbing his wrist and tugging him along. He grabbed some raincoats, picking up an empty tank and nodding to John B. John B went along with it, following him past the guy he had been talking to. They put the tanks down, heading down some steps and into the engine room. John B pulled him towards another room, closing the door. The boat started moving. They took a seat, feeling the room start to heat up. They took the coats and backpacks off, sitting down.

"Shit." (Y/N) mumbled, fancing himself. John B chuckled. (Y/N) took off his shirt, hoping it would help with the heat. John B eyed him before doing the same.

"Well.. Wanna play a game? 20 questions?" (Y/N) asked. John B shrugged.

"You go first." (Y/N) wiped some sweat off his forehead.

"Why did you kill Dimitri?" John B asked in an accent. (Y/N) grinned, looking at him.

"He knew too much." He replied in a Russian accent. "He was a, eh, liability." (Y/N) shrugged.

"Yes, you know, we all know too much, eventually." John B grinned. (Y/N) chuckled.

"Alright.. What are you looking for? Like, why the archives?" (Y/N) looked at him. John B looked away.

"Those are two questions." He mumbled. (Y/N) rolled his eyes.

"But.. I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Safety reason." John B glanced at him. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Does it have to do with your dad?" (Y/N) asked. John B stayed silent. (Y/N) frowned.

"I'm sorry that.. He just disappeared. I can't even imagine how I would feel. You know.. I'm always around if you want to rant or sit in silence. We aren't the best of friends but I can promise you, I won't go around spilling secrets." (Y/N) said. John B looked at him, sighing softly.

"Thank you.. I'll.. I'll keep it in mind." He nodded.

"And.. I'm sorry about Topper too. He's.. He's obsessed with having the perfect girlfriend and saw you as a threat. He's not a bad person. Yes, he makes stupid mistakes but.. He cares about his friends and family. He was different before he became friends with Rafe. Rafe is just such a bad fucking influence. Topper knew I was gay before my parents knew. He helped me keep it a secret until I couldn't hold it in anymore. He was devastated cause he thought I would get kicked out and he would be alone but.. I was accepted.. I guess. They just kind of ignore me until they can't." (Y/N) shrugged, looking at him. John B hummed.

"My dad knew before I did." John B smiled. "He said I stared at a lot of his shirtless friends."

"I did that too. I used to have a crush on JJ, actually." (Y/N) chuckled softly. "I don't anymore." He assured. John B ignored the jealously that spiked through him.

"Don't worry. You weren't the only one." John B sat up. He looked at (Y/N).

"I think my dad is alive.. Or at least.. Calling out to me through this weird way. Kind of like whales. You know how they communicate through these soundwaves, right? It's like that." John B told him. (Y/N) hummed.

"I.. I cannot let feelings interfere with the mission." John B said, using the accent again.

"Very true, comrade." (Y/N) nodded. John B sighed, laying back and closing his eyes. (Y/N) turned his head, looking at him. He had always found John B attractive. From his hair to his freckles to his loyalty. (Y/N) licked his lips, looking away. He never thought badly about The Pogues. Kooks were usually the ones who started the fights. (Y/N) sighed softly, laying back as well and waiting. The boat eventually started slowing down so (Y/N) nudged John B. The two put their shirts and coats back on as the boat stopped. They put their backpacks on.

"On a count of three. One... Two... Three!" John B grabbed (Y/N)'s hand, opening the door. The two made a run for it, running from a man yelling in chinese. They dodged people, laughing all the way. They slowed down and began walking, giggling.

"Jesus.. We look like shit." (Y/N) said, panting. "We're gonna have to shop for clothes." he said.

"Why?"

"They won't let us in if we look like swamp monsters." (Y/N) replied. John B hummed. They headed into the city, taking off the coats and letting the breezes and light rain refresh them.

"This place looks fancy." (Y/N) mumbled, pulling John B toward it.

"Absolutely not-"

"Absolutely yes." (Y/N) grinned, stepping inside.

"This is like an organ with the wrong blood type. It doesn't work." John B said. (Y/N) rolled his eyes.

"Relax, baby boy. I'm here to help you find your style." (Y/N) chuckled. He looked over some stuff until a man approached them.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, you may, Mr..?" (Y/N) flashed a charming smile.

"Mr. Ike." He gave a nod.

"(Y/N). My... My boyfriend, Jonathan, needs all the help he can get." (Y/N) said. Mr. Ike looked John B up and down.

"I can see that." Mr. Ike mumbled. (Y/N) chuckled. They were led to the changing room where Mr. Ike got some things for John B. John B stepped into the changing room. (Y/N) sat down after grabbing some sunglasses and putting them on, glancing around until the door opened.

"Wow, middle school dance who?" (Y/N) chuckled, looking over the tucked in button up shirt with red bowtie.

"I look like I got kicked out of the barbershop quartet." John B said, looking at him.

"How about a seersucker, Mr. Ike?" (Y/N) looked at Mr. Ike.

"What the hell is that?"

"Excellent choice." Mr. Ike nodded.

"And maybe a pink button-down, some bucks?" (Y/N) grinned.

"You're speaking gibberish. What the hell is a buck?" John B asked.

"I'll get a pair." Mr. Ike nodded, walking away. John B looked at (Y/N).

"I'm your daddy for the day." (Y/N) chuckled. John B rolled his eyes, entering the changing room. Mr. Ike returned with the clothes, giving them to John B. He excused himself to help other costumers. (Y/N) noticed that John B was staying a while and stood, knocking.

"Did you go to Narnia or something?" (Y/N) asked, opening the door and seeing John B in only his underwear. John B pulled the pants up and huffed as (Y/N) laughed.

"Were you seriously checking yourself out, John B. Routledge? Never took you as the type." (Y/N) leaned against the doorway.

"Don't blame you. I'd check myself out if I were you too." (Y/N) said, stepping back and closing the door. John B blinked, looking at himself in the mirror. (Y/N) had basically called him hot. John B got dressed and stepped out.

"Zipper." (Y/N) called. John B looked down and pulled his zipper up. (Y/N) hummed and nodded.

"You look.. Decent." (Y/N) stood and approached him. "As decent as a clown can get." (Y/N) grinned.

"Ooh, ouch. Nice one." John B chuckled. Mr. Ike returned and John B told him what he would like to see. (Y/N) got dressed and stepped out. John B snorted, looking at the black pants, suspenders, gray shirt, bowtie, and fedora.

"So, who's your daddy now?"

"A man of culture, I see." (Y/N) hummed. John B shrugged.

"I knew a kid who dressed like this every day during middle school." (Y/N) said, looking at himself in the mirror.

"I'm pretty sure we all did." John B chuckled. (Y/N) went back into the changing room, changing into a couple outfits until he chose one he liked. He stepped out, smiling. He wore a dark blue shirt that had about three or four buttons undone. The shirt was tucked into black pants. John B swallowed, looking him over.

"Uhm.. Y-You look great." John B said. (Y/N) hummed.

"Since we're on a secret mission.. We should assume another identity." (Y/N) said, crossing his arms.

"We need aliases. What are you thinkin'?" John B asked. (Y/N) tapped his chin, pretending to think.

"Vlad.. From... Vienna." (Y/N) said, shrugging.

"What about me?" (Y/N) tilted his head. John B mimicked his previous position.

"Axsel from Berlin." John B replied. (Y/N) raised his brows.

"Axsel fra Berlin?" (Y/N) grinned. John B nodded.

"Ja." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Du snakker norsk?"

"Ja. Hvor mye vet du?" (Y/N) tilted his head. John B licked his lips.

"That's all I know." John B chuckled. (Y/N) smiled, patting his chest.

"You're better good." (Y/N) turned, picking up his backpack and leaving. John B followed him. (Y/N) paid for their clothes, walking out of the store and heading down the sidewalk.

"Come on, they aren't open all night." (Y/N) said. John B hummed, walking beside him.

"So, are Vlad and Axsel dating?" John B asked. (Y/N) cocked a brow, glancing at him.

"Feelings can't interfere with the mission." (Y/N) reminded him. John B nodded, looking forward. The sky began to darken, turning to night. They got an uber, not wanting to walk all the way there. (Y/N) paid and they got out.

"The library is on the other side of the student center. Ever been here?" (Y/N) looked at him. John B shook his head.

"Uh, no. Never been to a college." He replied.

"Hm, you didn't fulfill your training, huh? Liking it so far?" (Y/N) asked. John B nodded.

"Well, my parents went here and so did their parents and their parents as well." (Y/N) told him. "Sarah's dad came here too."

"Damn."

"Yeah.. My mom would kill me and Topper if we didn't go here." (Y/N) sighed.

"And you?"

"I've never really thought about going to college." John B replied as (Y/N) took out his ringing phone. 'Topper' was the contact.

"Uh-oh." (Y/N) showed him the contact, grinning.

"What would he think if he knew you were here with me?" John B grinned as (Y/N) chuckled.

"I'd have a public execution. My crime? Treason." (Y/N) replied. John B gasped softly.

"For being a Pogue sympathizer?"

"Mhm."

"Oh, oh my goodness." John B made the phone motion with his hand. (Y/N) did the same.

"You've gotta be careful fraternizing with the enemy, Axsel." John B said.

"Wait a minute. Did he kidnap you? Or drug you?" John B asked. (Y/N) let a smile slip.

"Nei, I came on my own recognizance." (Y/N) giggled.

"Oh. Do we know this enemy?"

"Ja. You snitched on him to the Big Boss."

"Oh, no, no. It's not that dirty Pogue, is it?"

"He is not what you think." (Y/N) shook his head lightly.

"Goodness gracious, he's working some good psyops on you, Ax." John B scratched his forehead. "He's a smooth operator."

"He really isn't." (Y/N) laughed as John B pretended to hang up the phone.

"He's really clumsy, randomly does finger guns.. And.. He seems to be too shy to make a move." (Y/N) smiled. John B lightly flushed, teeth catching his bottom lip.

"Come on." (Y/N) smiled. "Better be careful, Axsel. Once a Pogue, always a Pogue." They entered Chapel Hill, going up some steps.

"20 questions-"

"Again?"

"-Why are we here?" (Y/N) looked at him.

"The price of the ticket is intel. Tell me." (Y/N) stopped and faced him. John B sighed.

"Alright.. On pain of death?"

"Mhm."

"I'm on a treasure hunt." John B told him. (Y/N) blinked, staring at him.

"Like.. X marks the spot?" (Y/N) asked.

"More or less. I have reason to believe that Denmark Tanny was the sole survivor of the Royal Merchant wreck." John B said. (Y/N) blinked, brows furrowing.

"Which is why he had all that gold? Cause he ran, or probably swam, away with it?" John B nodded. (Y/N)'s lips parted.

"So.. The 'map' to that treasure is one of his belongings." (Y/N) mumbled. John B nodded.

"I'll go talk to the librarian." (Y/N) walked away. John B let out a sigh of relief, glad (Y/N) believed him. The librarian led them to another room, showing them up the stairs and getting all of the belongings.

"Ready?" (Y/N) asked, looking at him.

"Ready." John B smiled. They put on gloves and started looking through everything, trying to find clues or hints.

"He bought slaves and freed them. He was accused of inciting revolt.. This was before the Civil War." (Y/N) told him, looking away from the news article he had been reading.

"It's why they hanged him." John B picked up a Bible, opening it and reading the names and birthdays.

"His three sons." (Y/N) mumbled. John B picked up another paper.

"A picture of gold." (Y/N) hummed.

"British gold.. The type that was on the Merchant." John B glanced at (Y/N), smiling. They continued to look.

"This is his last correspondence." (Y/N) said, showing him the letter.

"That's.. That's in Gullah, the lost Creole language." John B pointed out. (Y/N) glanced at him.

"Know anyone that can read it?" (Y/N) asked. John B nodded, taking a picture. (Y/N) looked it over.

"He wrote this to Robert, his son, on the day he died.. In a language only they could understand." (Y/N) leaned back in his seat.

"That has to mean something." John B mumbled. (Y/N) nodded.

"I have fifteen missed calls from Topper.. Three from mom." (Y/N) told him, chuckling softly. "Good thing we completed the mission. Make my funeral lit, will ya?"

"Yeah, of course. Drinks for everybody." They shared a laugh. John B cleared his throat.

"Speaking of the mission.. You're way better than I expected." John B said, a bit shyly. (Y/N) smiled.

"You're not what I expected either." (Y/N) chuckled. John B faked being shocked.

"Totally ADD. I thought you were this surfer bro who liked to party, smoke weed, and fight."

"You just described JJ."

"Yeah, I realized it as I said it." (Y/N) chuckled, smiling.

"But.. You're actually super funny, bit of a weirdo... Pretty charming." (Y/N) looked at him. John B licked his lips, giving a small nod.

"So.. When we get back.. What's it gonna be like?" John B asked, anxiously waiting for an answer. (Y/N) licked his lips.

"Uhm.. Like always?" (Y/N) said, shrugging as John B nodded.

"I'll go back to being Topper's gay twin brother who breaks up fights and has no friends other than Sarah Cameron." (Y/N) shrugged. "I had loads of fun." (Y/N) assured, patting his thigh. John B offered a small smile.

"I did too." He looked forward. It started to rain as the ferry got back. They got off, walking in the rain.

"Guess we'll have to say goodbye to Vlad and Axsel. So, if we see each other on the street-"

"Yes, of course. I am a true professional." John B grinned, using the accent again. (Y/N) smiled and nodded.

"Been a pleasure working with you, comrade." (Y/N) stuck his hand out. John B took it, slowly shaking it. John B didn't let go when (Y/N) went to pull his hand back.

"I have something to confess." John B said.

"You didn't kill someone, did you?" (Y/N) asked. John B snorted and shook his head.

"I.. I've been in love with you since the day I started working for Ward. You were always kind to me, even when Topper got annoyed at you for it. You never insulted me or any Pogue. You were considerate and always greeted us with only kind words. I love that you don't care about rich or poor and you just see people for who they are. If you don't want anything to do with me from now on, I'll be fine with it. I had the greatest day of my life and I spent it with my longtime crush. I-" John B was cut off by (Y/N) leaning forward and kissing him, arms wrapping around him. John B stumbled back a bit but kissed him back, tension and anxiety leaving his body. (Y/N) gently cupped his face.

"I want this too.."

#x reader #x you #x y/n #x male reader #x male!reader #outer banks x reader #outer banks x male reader #outer banks x you #outer banks x y/n #john b x reader #john b #john b x male reader #john b x you #john b x y/n

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sponesstan · 3 years

Text

A Movie Review, if you can call it that

So I just watched Star Trek IV: The One with the Whales In It for the first time, and wow I loved it. I knew the general plot and the general reason why whales were important to the story, but not the details. Also here’s a confession, I’ve never seen TOS, but I want to. My dad gave me a brief summary of the first 3 movies so I could understand the references related to Spock, so I wasn’t really lost watching.

I guess here’s a review, which is more my thoughts and experience watching than discussing whether it’s a good movie (b/c of course it’s good):

Despite knowing that time travel and things were going to happen, I didn’t know much else. I knew the truck seen with “Gracie is pregnant” but not who Gracie was. Honestly I was waiting for the reveal that Spock was in a relationship with someone from 1987, not that he had telepathically communicated with a whale. Going in knowing famous scenes and lines made me excited to get to those scenes so I knew how they were said and the context.

The entire time I kept thinking “where does the hospital tie into the plot? What could be at the hospital?” Chekov apparently 😅 I never considered the fact that stealing whales would’ve been an entire operation (should’ve knowing the “nuclear wessels” scene would happen).

I also enjoyed seeing the bridge crew other than McSpirk. Seeing gifs and photos from the movie on tumblr, they aren’t really seen, and it makes me sad because they were all great!

Speaking of, can I talk about the outfits??? I. LOVED. THEM. The pink shirt Kirk has, Uhura’s alternating color collar on her jacket, Sulu’s shirt and jacket, Chekov’s jacket, Spock’s head band (I’ll talk about that in a sec), and cowboy McCoy???? Fashion at it’s peak

Seeing photos of the movie, I thought the head band was odd but just figured it was part of the outfit. Of course it COVERS HIS EARS. God I’m stupid.

Now for the relationships. I really need to see whatever the fuck that mind meld scene is with McCoy and Spock, because the friendship and romantic scenes with them that come from it, especially from McCoy, my heart. All I ever see on tumblr is their arguments and insults (only from McCoy though I know it’s mutual in the series from this post), but I loved watching them (McCoy) be so nice.

Also, Kirk was only given Gillian as a somewhat love interest to offset that shirt, no I don’t take criticism

To talk more about plot points and scenes, I love the absolute lack of permission they had to go time travel. Just “hey we are doin this byyyyye ✨” Was that, is that within Starfleet regulation? They held a trial, but that was for previous offenses. Also Spock just jumping into that tank. That’s what peak performance looks like. Once Jim noticed Spock wasn’t with him I knew we were about to see him in that tank.

A “true” review would look like this: The relationships and the tasks of the characters were amazing. I liked that they split up into teams to commit various heists and frauds. The outfits were iconic, though they did not make much sense in terms of who was and wasn’t in uniform (maybe I need to watch Star Trek III to understand). Though the plot was simple, I was engaged the entire time and was trying to not get got smiling like an idiot in front of my family. It was funny, cute, and I just liked watching the characters talk to each other.

Enjoy some badly taken photos of some gays going out for brunch in their best outfits

#star trek tos #star trek iv #the one with the whales #james t kirk #jim kirk #kirk #mccoy #bones #spock #uhura #chekov #sulu #spones #spirk #mcspirk

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artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

Maybe You're My Enemy (Diamond Chaney) - Ortega

a/n: hey, hi, hello! welcome to the first canon compliant thing i have written since 2017, i am *~ petrified! ~* . i had to write something to fix these two though after the events of episode 8 because i just love them dearly (and the fact in the subsequent episode Lawrence just dropped in the fact they’d shared a bed didn’t help this at all). thank you so much to @purecamp for reading it over and reassuring me it’s not a heap of shit (so if it turns out that it is then just blame her xo). also the song it’s set to is enemy by Charli XCX in case u want to get the immersive vibes!

fic summary: On one side of Scotland, Lawrence disappears from social media. On the other, Ellie reflects.

***

They say, “Keep your friends close”

But you’re closer, I love when you’re here

I’m so far away sometimes, I’m distant, yeah

The sky is grey. The clouds are grey. The stagnant water of the quay is grey, and so’s the metal rail that Ellie’s holding on to as he narrows his eyes, tries to stop the wind from hitting them and making him tear up.

As if the wind would be the only reason.

He brings his gaze into focus on the HMS Unicorn, sat in the water in front of him like some massive whale that’s been planted in a bathtub. It’s a fucking ugly ship; a glorified tugboat on steroids with a big bowsprit sticking out at the front all out of place, but he likes the little bust of the once-white unicorn that sticks out from under it. Ellie remembers getting brought here for a school trip in Primary 3, pointing to the unicorn all excited and getting laughed at by the boys in his class that he knew were going to grow up to be the ones that gave the teachers lip and got suspended in high school.

He remembers that Bryce made up the fact that one of the boys had “said the f word” in the gift shop later that day, just so Ellie could have the satisfaction of watching them get screamed at by their teacher. Ellie still fucking loves him for that.

Ellie thinks the unicorn is out of place in all this grey. He remembers the time he did his unicorn mix when he opened for Willam, how nervous he’d been and messaging Lawrence about it and getting a “this you coming out to me as a furry?” in return which made him laugh and forget why he’d even been nervous in the first place. He can’t help the smile the memory brings to his face even if he wants to.

And he wants to.

Lawrence always could make him smile, get a laugh from him even when he didn’t feel like it. He remembers with a blow to his heart what Lawrence had said on the show- “you’re not terribly funny? Like you don’t have…zinger-y punchlines?” - and how Tia had laughed and Ellie had wanted so much to bite back but didn’t.

Because he always could draw a laugh out of Lawrence. Granted he was usually laughing at him rather than with him, but Ellie could still put a smile on his face by acting dumb, saying things that Lawrence would subsequently repeat in a screech of disbelief that would always make Ellie laugh harder anyway. He’d always self-impose ridiculous dares on himself in front of him: in Hive, “here, what if I did the entire shot rainbow?”, in Nandos, “d’you think I could do the wing roulette by myself?”, in Glasgow on the Subway on the way to a gig, “dare me to get off at Ibrox and I’ll go to the Louden Tavern dressed like this?”. Ellie had been used to being the class clown for Lawrence, the jester for the queen.

Or maybe just a fool.

Ellie’s always hated the colour grey.

You might help me, intimacy

I’ll admit, I’m scared

Maybe, maybe you can reach me, yeah

His surroundings turn to silver as he shoves his hands in his pockets, heads towards the V&A museum that’s still glinting despite the lack of sunlight. He’s stopped by two teenage girls that are polite and shy and squeaky-voiced as they ask for a photo- he supposes that’s what he gets when he goes out wearing the pink and purple fur coat with the hearts on it. Ellie forces a smile and thanks them for supporting him and they tell him he’s their favourite in return.

After they walk away he thinks they must have been lying, but then he feels the frown etch itself onto his face as he shakes his head. The self-doubt is a hangover from filming that he needs to shake off.

He squints at the museum as he walks past, fleetingly thinks about going in and looking at some of the old fashion to cheer him up. A’whora’s promised to go with him when he’s eventually allowed to come up to visit, and Ellie snorts at the idea of the fashion queen of the London scene in Dundee. The thought of A’whora’s reaction to the Wellgate shopping centre- the Credit Union, the B&M, the Jobcentre Plus- puts the first smile on his face he’s had in days.

Lawrence had gone round the museum with him too, when Ellie had dropped him off at the train station the day after a gig and they’d been killing time. It had been weird to just dick about like that together the first few times. Weird the fact there was no makeup, glue and wigs, no alcohol or gay anthems to yell over. Just two boys walking around a museum together. Like a date.

Ellie makes a face before he even realises. Not this.

The first time they did all of it together was weird. Just like everything Lawrence had written. Nandos, cinema, staying at his. That last one especially. Ellie can still remember the way he’d stared up at the bumpy ceiling from his position on Lawrence’s couch in the pitch dark, street lamps from outside casting shadows through the blinds. The room was too cold and the blanket was too small and he hadn’t slept a wink but he’d still do it all over again.

The first time they’d both lain on Lawrence’s bed the morning after the night before, cracking up at Scottish You Laugh You Lose compilations on Youtube and Ellie being unable to help the tears that streamed down his face at Lawrence imitating “big shoe, big shoeeee!”. The way they’d been close and the way their arms had touched and the way Ellie had felt ridiculous for the way his heart was hammering. Just a friend.

The first time they’d found each other under the dark lights of CCs when they’d both been through in Edinburgh to support Alice by chance. The way Ellie’s heart had lit up like a firework when he saw him. The way they’d laced their fingers together without even having to ask permission first, the way everything just seemed to be as simple as tequila rose shots and pink lights and leaning against the wall as they smoked outside.

The way everything else had just happened so easily.

Ellie squeezes his eyes shut before he can realise what he’s doing. The memories have forced their way in, kicked down a door in his head that he’d been sure he’d bolted shut.

He needs to change the locks.

Maybe you’re my enemy

Now I’ve finally let you come a little close to me,

Maybe you’re my enemy

You’re the only one who knows the way I’m really feelin’

Ellie is in the same Stitch onesie he’s been shrugging on since the last episode aired. It stinks. He’s joked to A'whora that he can probably smell him through the phone, and A'whora’s asked if he just sweats out Mango Loco Monster. Ellie makes some joke about wringing out his clothes into a pint glass if he did, which makes A'whora retch on camera.

He’s glad they made up at least. They didn’t have too much of a choice, to be fair. Apart from the way they get on so well, their bond and their friendship, A'whora’s the only other one who knows what it’s like to be in Ellie’s situation.

Except A'whora never stabbed Tayce in the back.

“You should talk to him,” A'whora insists, bringing the whole sorry situation up in a pause where Ellie must have looked as if he was about to make a vodka bleach mixer.

Ellie looks pointedly back at him through the screen. “I’ve been telling you to talk to Tayce for months.”

He watches A'whora pull an awkward face and he’s satisfied he’s hit a nerve. “That’s different though. You and Lawrence don’t live together.”

“Yeah. Least I wasn’t stupid enough to move in with someone I fancied, how’s that going for you?”

A'whora splutters a laugh that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. Ellie feels guilty all over again. He feels like that’s his default these days. “Sorry, chick, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, I mean. It’s fine. Just have to act as if I’m not in love with the bitch every time I’m around her, it’s not hard,” A'whora deadpans.

Ellie frowns. “You know Tayce feels the same. Everyone knows it.”

“No I don’t,” A'whora says instantly back to him, shaking his head and dissolving momentarily into pixels. “Besides, even if she did, like…it’s easier if she didn’t, y'know? All this…publicity, every move getting analysed. It’s easier to just…not.”

Ellie narrows his eyes. “You’re doing a smashing job making the case for me and Lawrence.”

“You know what I mean! You don’t get people asking where Lawrence is in every live you do. You don’t get people going through the show fucking…frame by frame and then editing every time you breathe around each other together and setting it to a bloody Little Mix song.”

Ellie bursts out laughing and starts singing Black Magic down the phone to him, which makes A'whora look pointedly at him before clearly being unable to hold it for long and instead laughing with him.

Both their laughter dies down and Ellie watches as A'whora smiles sadly, sincerely. “He’s worth the risk, Els.”

“Oh my God, prison. Who the fuck are you, Nicholas Sparks?”

The reference flies over A'whora's head and Ellie starts explaining the plot of the A Walk to Remember, steering the conversation out of the waters it had become marooned in, the captain of his very own HMS Unicorn.

He feels more like he’s aboard the Titanic with every message that goes unread.

Now it’s really clear to me

You could do a little damage, you could cut me deeper

“It didn’t get you a badge though, was it worth it?”

Ellie’s asked himself that every day since the episode aired. Since he made the decision, pretty much. Financially? Yes it was. It’s pretty well-known at this point in the grand scheme of Drag Race that with each week you’re on the likelihood of securing more bookings is increased, and now with his slot at Drag Fest he feels as if he’s hit the jackpot.

Everything else? Not so much.

Ellie still feels his stomach drop if he thinks enough about that untucked, which he does all the time. Too much, in fact. The aggression in Lawrence’s voice which Ellie knew all too well was a manifestation of hurt on so many levels. The way Lawrence chose the conflict that Ellie wished he could have avoided. The way Lawrence left his feelings bare while Ellie couldn’t trust himself to do the same in case he said something he might regret.

The fact Lawrence had thought Ellie had set him up to fail was maybe what hurt the most, though. Ellie had wanted to ask him how he thought he’d be able to do that after everything they’d been through together. He’d tried to tell him he didn’t think it was possible for him to fail at something he shines at. He’d wanted to grab Lawrence’s pink fucking headpiece and bash him over the head with it until he realised that he’s Lawrence fucking Chaney, he is the Scottish drag queen. Lawrence is the one who will say something at a gig one week and it’ll be common drag parlance across the country by the next. Lawrence is the one getting booked by the BBC Social to make educational videos. Lawrence is the one on posters across Glasgow, for fuck’s sake.

Ellie might not have been thinking about the worst case scenario in that moment, but only because he genuinely didn’t think there could be one.

After all, he’d had his opportunity to sabotage Lawrence. Ellie remembers the first day when the producers had wanted to set up the Scottish queen rivalry, asked for something shady they could use as a soundbite. The way he’d sought out Lawrence on a smoke break and told him about the situation and reassured him that he hadn’t given them anything, and the way Lawrence had just smiled back at him, softly and genuinely, and told Ellie he’d done the same. The way they’d minutely linked pinkies together before breaking them and walking back inside as if they’d barely shared so much as a glance, neither of them wanting to draw any suspicion their way.

And he could’ve been harsher in that untucked if he’d wanted. Could’ve said how for someone that was meant to care so much about friendship and sisterhood, Lawrence had been doing a great job shitting on him from a great height about his lack of challenge wins and his run on the show.

But he didn’t, because…well. He knows why.

Because the knowledge that he’d hurt Lawrence and lost his trust had done more damage than any joke Lawrence made at his expense could ever do.

Ellie goes live on the Tuesday afternoon. A comment on the chat reads, “are u A’whora and Lawrence still friends???”

“Yeah, me and A’whora are still friends!” Ellie bats the comment away with a fake smile.

He’ll blame his lack of comprehension skills if he’s asked about it.

I feel guilty, I feel nervous, I feel certain now

Maybe, maybe you can reach me

He doesn’t know what possesses him to do it.

Maybe it’s when he wakes up on Friday and Lawrence’s Twitter isn’t loading. Maybe it’s when he reads the other Scottish girls condemning the fans, the word fatphobia leaping out, grabbing Ellie’s heart and wrenching it tight.

Surely not this?

Ellie searches Twitter and what he finds makes him feel ill. He doesn’t know what he had expected- he’d known the frantic tweet urging the fans to be kind that he’d typed out before he went to sleep hadn’t exactly been going to create world peace overnight- but he hadn’t expected any of this. Everyone loves Lawrence, surely.

Although perhaps he’s just talking from experience.

Maybe it’s when he shoots Lawrence a message that goes unopened. In all honesty Ellie doesn’t blame him. A flimsy sentiment about hoping he’s okay that clocks in at under 250 characters isn’t going to cut it, and he’s grateful when Bimini, with all their empathy and ability to read a situation as clear as day, texts him and tells him that Lawrence has replied to them and he’s…well, he’s managing.

Maybe it’s when Ellie goes live with A’whora and he manages to mention Lawrence entirely too many times. A cry for attention or an old habit that’s dying hard? He can’t tell. Perhaps it’s both.

It’s definitely got something to do with the Facebook post.

Whatever it is, Ellie finds himself stuffing any old random items of clothing in a backpack and hoping it makes an outfit, shoving the spare key into the soil of the plant pot outside his front door and texting Anne to tell her where it is in case…fuck knows, the flat goes on fire while he’s away or something. He looks up the train times as he’s on his way to the station; a terrible decision, really, as when he’s still fifteen minutes away he discovers there’s one in ten. Somehow he manages to make it to the station with just a minute to spare and his heart lifts to find that the ticket barriers are open, so he dashes through them and hurtles onto the train that’s waiting at the platform. He catches his breath as he slumps into a table seat, having to take his mask off for a couple of seconds just so he can breathe properly. The way his heart is going at the rate the train’s about to isn’t helping.

The chimes of the train announcement cut through his attempts at slowing his heart down, and the little robotic woman’s voice confirms that his ridiculous, spur-of-the-moment decision is actually happening.

“This is Dundee. This train is for Glasgow Queen Street.”

Because this is all so last minute, but he needs to see Lawrence. He’s apologised probably ten times by now but he knows he needs to make it eleven. He knows (he hopes) that Lawrence needs that eleventh time too. He knows that Lawrence needs Ellie’s persistence, knows that it’s all just an attempt at self-preservation. Lawrence’s attempts at shutting Ellie out are just inviting him to bring a battering ram. At least, he hopes. But like A’whora had said…he’s worth the risk.

The train starts moving, and even if he wanted to back out now he couldn’t.

So cold at the surface, I’m scared of nothin’

Underneath, I’m nervous

Can you reach me?

Ellie waits for the subway at Buchanan Street and his glazed-over eyes focus on a massive poster of Lawrence on the platform opposite. He briefly considers throwing himself under the next train.

The journey down had passed somehow in the blink of an eye and also agonisingly slowly. Too much time to sit and stare out of the window but not enough time to figure out what he’s going to say. He still doesn’t know. He’d said it all those months ago, he’s said it through texts and DMs. This time feels different, though. This time is different. This time there’s no cameras or runners or pink tables, or distance between them or tension at the fact nothing had aired yet.

It’s going to be the pair of them and Lawrence’s flat. Just like it’s been so many times before.

Ellie thinks he’ll probably just open his mouth, say whatever gets there first and hope it hits the right notes; a terrible decision arrived upon as a result of the lack of any other option. His mind is a messed up ball of television static, a knotted yarn of white noise that he can’t find the end of. He feels as if it’s made of the noise the train makes as it screams into the station, metal on metal and the low whoosh of the wind through the tunnel and the rickety shaking of the doors as they slide open and people stream off.

He picks up his bag and sinks down into the horrifically patterned upholstery of the seats, settling himself in for the journey. The little metal tin can of a train doesn’t take long to fire through the seven stops before Govan and with each one that passes Ellie can feel his nerves spiking and his mouth growing dry.

What if Lawrence isn’t even in? What if it’s all got too much and he’s gone back to Helensburgh for the foreseeable? Ellie could get a train up there, he supposes; he’s already on this side of the country, although he doesn’t know if Lawrence would appreciate the gesture or call the police on him.

Ellie concludes it would be worth it anyway.

He emerges from the Subway and the grey seems to hit him all over again, seeping into his clothes and forcing him to fight through the sadness that hits him like a wave. There’s a little beam of sunshine fighting to escape the clouds though, and Ellie hopes it’s some form of pathetic fallacy. Or whatever that one about the weather matching your feelings was. Fucked if he ever paid attention in Nat 5 English.

The streets of red brick tenements feel like pens of hostility as he passes windows that serve as frames for Union Jacks and Red Hand of Ulster flags. Even being raised in a Christian household doesn’t equip him to identify with this form of religion; where the disciples are football players and the gods are flags and the hymns are about killing Catholics. Ellie has always worried about Lawrence living here, told him as much, but he’s always been met with a bark of a laugh back and some comment about how he’s only saying that because he’s lived such a sheltered little life in Dundee and wouldn’t last five minutes trying to inhabit Glasgow and all its cheerful sectarianism. Lawrence has always had a very blythe attitude to the whole thing, and Ellie remembers when he’d held his hand on the way back from the Subway in full drag after a gig like it was nothing, the way some dick in an orange and blue scarf had shouted at them from across the street and Lawrence had just yelled back with an “awrite, babes?” as if he had a death wish.

Which is what makes this whole thing so grim. The Lawrence who drunkenly and sarcastically greets bigots at three in the morning from across the street doesn’t marry up with the Lawrence that’s holed up in his flat in the face of negativity. Ellie supposes that one homophobic Rangers fan is one homophobic Rangers fan, but Twitter can seem like the whole world’s population, and if Lawrence thinks the world hates him just because he’s reacted to something that was Ellie’s fault…

He feels his gut wrench.

Ellie turns into Lawrence’s street and feels ill. He could always go home. Turn and walk back to the Subway, train back to Queen Street, back to Dundee, back to the flat. Like nothing had ever happened. Like he hadn’t even consciously made the decision, like it was all a dream.

He sleepwalks to Lawrence’s close door anyway, just like he knew he would.

His hand shakes as he presses the buzzer too hard, and the panic rises in his throat as the seconds pass agonisingly slowly. When there’s a crackle from the intercom, he freezes in fear.

“Hello?”

It’s Kiko’s voice. Of course his flatmate had to be the one to answer, drag out the humiliation of the whole thing. Ellie can hear the shake to his voice as he replies.

“Hey, it’s Ellie.”

“…Ellie?”

He chooses to ignore the disbelief, acts as if it’s normal for him to have travelled across the country to turn up on Lawrence’s doorstep in the middle of a pandemic when there’s a travel ban in place. He’s considering this essential travel anyway.

“Is Lawrence in at all?”

Kiko, for her part, seems to pick up on the way the whole visit is masquerading as routine. In the split second before she replies, Ellie finds himself holding his breath. He steels himself, prepares for a “no, he’s actually…”, to send him back to Dundee like a crumpled sheet of paper tossed into a bin.

So Ellie feels like his throat’s going to close up when Kiko replies down the intercom. “Yeah, two secs. I’ll buzz you up.”

The dread settles in his gut like a weight as the buzzer rings out into the street, harsh and loud and doing nothing for Ellie’s derailed train of thought. He pushes on the door, takes his first step into the close and the echo seems to hit him deep in his chest. He finds himself wishing Lawrence lives four up but he’s only on the first floor, and as Ellie puts his foot on the first step of the staircase he keeps his eyes trained on the stairs because he knows the moment he looks up he’s going to see somebody standing there holding the door open and even though he’s had hours to prepare himself, weeks even, he’s not ready for that in the slightest.

And when he finally brings his gaze onto the front door with four steps to go, he’s not ready for the way the sight of Lawrence almost knocks him straight back down again. He’s slumped against the doorframe and has very clearly not slept- since when, Ellie couldn’t guess. A black hoodie is swamping him and a pair of navy sweatpants are doing the same, making him seem smaller than he already is. The sight of his hair up in that tiny bun hurts Ellie’s heart because it makes him want to smile, reminds him of the Lawrence he’d dick about in the workroom and the smoking area and the hotel corridors with before it all went so wrong. His arms are folded and he’s looking at the tiles on the landing floor until Ellie reaches the doorway, shifts awkwardly.

“Hi.”

Lawrence doesn’t quite meet his eyes. It’s a minute detail that hurts Ellie more than he would have expected. He doesn’t reply for a second, then seems to relent. “Hey.”

Another pause. The atmosphere makes Ellie wish he’d worn a thicker jacket.

“You’re not meant to be here, you know. Wee Nicky’s probably had snipers trained on you since you got off the train,” Lawrence says, delivering the quip with a bitter, barbed edge that makes Ellie think it’s less of a joke and more wishful thinking.

“Wouldn’t be any less than I deserve, I’m sure,” Ellie smiles sadly, unable to make it meet his eyes. Lawrence’s expression remains unimpressed.

“So why are you here, then,” he not so much as demands an answer but disinterestedly inquires. Ellie bites his bottom lip before he replies, as if he’s forcing himself to make sure his words are perfect.

“I just came down because…well, I wanted to see how you were. I know the past week must have been shit for you.”

Lawrence raises his eyebrows, his eyes growing wide as if to really drive home to Ellie how much of an understatement he already knows he’s made. “Yeah.”

Ellie sighs, wanting desperately to get the next part right. “And I felt like I needed to say I’m sorry. Y’know, in front of you.”

“You said sorry back when we filmed. We’re over it, it’s fine,” Lawrence says flatly, conveying that everything is not fine.

“It’s not fine, though. I wouldn’t have come down if it was fine. Things haven’t been fine since that day, and like…I miss you, Lawrence, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, or as a sister, or as…” Ellie stumbles, looking to the floor as he tries to articulate the other facet of their relationship. “…whatever else we are. Whatever else we were. I’m sorry for fucking everything up.”

There’s a silence in which the pair of them freeze and hold their breath. Time could very well be standing still for all Ellie knows. He immediately regrets bringing up all of…that. He should’ve kept it to friendship, shouldn’t have added anything on. Before he can overthink any more or begin to backtrack, a small sigh from Lawrence makes him look up.

“I thought you hated me,” he says. His voice is small and the words are unexpected. There’s so much Ellie could say in response. He settles on a joke.

“No, I think you’re a cunt. There’s a difference,” Ellie smiles tightly, the joke tentative. The snort it gets from Lawrence makes his smile grow without him being able to help it. “Was that a good one? Thought I was the unfunniest person on the planet?”

“We weren’t talking about your Bake Off improv,” Lawrence raises his eyebrows as he smirks, and Ellie fakes a wounded laugh.

“Shady cow.”

��I’m sorry,” Lawrence says out of nowhere, his smile gone all of a sudden.

Ellie tries to drag the joke out a little longer, hold onto the sparks they’ve just created. “Nah, it was shit, you’re right.”

“No, Ellie…” Lawrence shakes his head, worrying his lip between his teeth a little. “I am sorry.”

Ellie feels the panic wash over him when he clocks the glisten in his eyes. “It’s fine, girl.”

“It’s not fine. I was a dick to you so many times, no fuckin’ wonder I thought you’d set me up. I would too if I had somebody talking down to me like I did to you,” Lawrence says gravely. His gaze is fixed on his floor and just as Ellie is about to speak he catches sight of two tears that fall onto the red carpet, the darkness akin to blood. His horror grows as Lawrence finally snaps his head up, tears shining in his eyes as he sighs helplessly in a shaky voice. “You’re amazing, Ellie, you’re such a talent, and…fuck, I missed you.”

His words mean more to him that Ellie had expected them to. He doesn’t want to let that show, though, because that’s too much, that means too much for the situation just now and he can deal with that realisation at a later date. For now, Ellie points at him in mock-accusation. “Hey listen, I’m the one that got the train down to come and make a big speech to you and say sorry. Buy your own damn train ticket for that.”

Lawrence’s voice is thick with tears as he lets out a short laugh. “Sorry.”

“Wee bitch. Always have to make everything about you,” Ellie rolls his eyes, getting another teary laugh out of Lawrence and raising his hopes that maybe they’ll be okay.

And then the banks break and Lawrence makes a little choked-up noise, a sob that’s not fully a sob. His eyes meet Ellie’s and they’re full of so much sadness and regret that just looking at them creates a crack in Ellie’s heart, one that matches the crack in Lawrence’s voice as he speaks again.

“This has all been shit to do without you.”

Ellie doesn’t think before opening his arms out, shaking his head affectionately. “Don’t be silly. C’mere.”

When Lawrence immediately opens out his own and they meet each other in the middle and hug tightly, Ellie feels like a balloon that’s been let go and is floating up to the sky.

The clouds aren’t grey.

The way they’re holding each other brings back too many memories. Seeing each other at gigs and feeling butterflies take hold of his stomach. Coming off stage after a number and conveying his pride in him without even having to say a word. Saying goodbye at train stations with disappointment lodging itself in his heart. All the nostalgia makes Ellie want to cry, but he can’t start now. Instead, he breaths a shaky sigh, shakes his head before he speaks.

“You’ve always had me, okay? You’ve always got me. We’ve said sorry now, that’s the end of it. Periodt,” Ellie murmurs against his shoulder, adding on his trademark at the end. The laugh he gets muffled against his chest in return makes him feel lighter.

“I’ve not showered. I definitely stink. You don’t have to keep hugging me, you know.”

“You don’t. I want to,” Ellie says back. He means it.

It’s Lawrence that slides out of the hug first but he’s still standing close as he quickly wipes away his tears, looks Ellie up and down with a smirk on his face. “So where’s your Travelodge, hen?”

Ellie’s sheepish when he makes eye contact with him again, shrugs one strap of the rucksack off before replying. “You know damn well I’ve not booked anywhere.”

“Fuckin’ hell. Right, come on,” Lawrence shakes his head affectionately, stepping back into his hallway and letting Ellie finally cross the threshold to drop his bag like an anchor in the flat. It’s the physical manifestation of the burden finally being lifted off of him, the guilt and the regret melting away in favour of the flutter of his heart and a few small sparks that he wants to put in resin. “I get to choose the film later as reparations. Don’t trust you since you made us watch Cat In The Hat.”

Ellie gives a shocked gasp, genuinely offended. “It’s good!”

“Is it fuck. In fact, just for that I’m going to make you sit through something sci-fi and geeky and you’re gonna hate it,” Lawrence smiles with genuine glee, and Ellie can’t even bring himself to be mad about it. As the pair of them walk through to the living room, Lawrence jumps onto the sofa and fixes Ellie with a look that is clearly meant to be serious but that simultaneously Lawrence can’t commit to and Ellie can’t believe. “You’re sleeping here tonight, by the way.”

Ellie raises his eyebrows as he fakes his agreement, going along with the charade Lawrence is beginning. They both know they’ll end up curled up together on the sofa with neither of them having an explanation for how it’s happened, but at the same time knowing they don’t have to explain themselves. They know that Ellie will end up falling asleep slumped against Lawrence and that he’ll have to gently shake him awake, that he’ll wordlessly offer Ellie a hand to drag him off the couch with and that they’ll go through to Lawrence’s room like always. They know that they’ll wake up tangled together like the sheets and that Ellie will be there for him, that he’ll help Lawrence piece himself back together and they’ll go back to the start. Well, maybe not the start. Perhaps somewhere better.

Ellie keeps his friends close, but Lawrence is something a little bit more. Something a little bit closer.

Baby, you’re my enemy.

#rpdr fanfiction #rpdr uk #ellie diamond #lawrence chaney #ellie x lawrence #a'whora #uk2 #canon compliant #angst #hurt/comfort #song fic #maybe you're my enemy #ortega

19 notes · View notes

mystewion · 3 years

Note

are gay people real

in short:

South Park Elementary School Cafeteria, day. The kids are seated for lunch. At the center table are Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Token, Clyde and Craig. Cartman runs in from the hallwayCartmanFELLAS! Fellas!StanWhat?CartmanYou'll never guess what happened. Butters just beat up Scott Malkinson!KyleButters? [He and Stan look puzzled] Why?CartmanIt was crazy! Scott was just talking about how he needed to take his insulin shot, and out of nowhere Butters said he's sick of people with diabetes feeling sorry for themselves. Scott told Butters to shut up and Butters just started whaling on him!StanYou're talking about Butters.CartmanDude, I'm telling you! Butters beat the crap out of Scott, and then he locked himself in the bathroom! [The other boys get concerned and leave their tables to go to the restroom]The restroom around the corner from the cafeteria. Jimmy has joined the boys. Stan bangs on the doorStanButters?ButtersLeave me alone!StanButters, come out here.ButtersGet out of here, all of ya! [Stan turns to the other boys and shrugs]KyleButters, people can't just go around beating up people who have diabetes! Now whatever your problem is, you just-Butters[Runs out of the restroom up to Kyle and points at him] You just think you know everything, don't you Kyle?! Every little thing you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well you don't know everything because [walks to Stan and points him out] your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about HIS image! [runs back inside the boys room, then turns around and runs to Cartman] You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school? You're all fake and stuck up [moves over to Jimmy], and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy that his jokes aren't funny! [moves over to Kenny] The only kid here with any sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have your heads up your butts! [Runs back into the restroom and locks himself in. The other boys are stunned and silent]CartmanWell. Apparently Kenny is Butters' best friend. You guys gonna make out, Kenny? [Kenny flashes an angry look]Butters[Runs out of the restroom again and storms up to Cartman] And that's another thing! You're always trivializing everything I say by gettin' the last word! [Cartman looks stunned]Well you're not gettin' the last word this time! [Runs back into the boys restroom and locks himself in]Cartman...Wow.Butters[Opens the door and peeks out] Double wow! [Closes the door and locks it]The principal's office, Day. Principal Victoria is talking to Butters and his parents.Principal VictoriaI'm sorry, but your son is distracting the other students and his attitude is just getting worse.StephenButters, what on earth has gotten into you?!Butters[In a gruff voice] I don't know, Dad, ah I was just pissed off, I guess!LindaDo you think this behavior is fair to your teacher and classmates?!ButtersI don't suppose it is, but I don't give a darn!StephenDo you have any idea how grounded you are about to be, mister?!ButtersWhy don't you shut up, Dad, and stick it in your ear, for cryin' out loud! [Both parents look taken aback as a moment of silence follows]Linda[looks at Stephen] Stephen, are you thinking what I'm thinking?StephenYes. Our little Butters is flowering. He has reached the age of panua.Principal VictoriaEh-excuse me?StephenPrincipal Victoria, this isn't Butters' fault.ButtersIt's not?!StephenIt has to do with... biology. [turns right and walks off a bit] You've... maybe noticed that Butters isn't... exactly like other kids.ButtersYeah?StephenYou probably think Butters seems somehow... different.Butters[normal voice] Hey yeah, all the time.StephenIt's because he is. [Turns around and faces Principal Victoria] His mother and I... his whole family were... we're not of this place.Principal VictoriaAh I'm sorry, I really don't understand.StephenPlease, just try to understand that for our people it's a very private matter. He can't be helped by your discipline; this must be dealt with by his own kind. If it's all right with you, we'd like an extended leave for our boy. Please. It's a cultural thing.The Stotch house, day. Stephen and Linda argue as Butters sits on the couchLindaI don't want him to go, Stephen, he's too young!StephenIt's our people's way, Linda, you know that better than I do!LindaThen we can go with him.StephenYou know that's not allowed!ButtersWill somebody tell me what the frickity fookshmere is goin' on?!StephenButters, you've reached the age where you must journey to your birthplace for the ceremony of hapa noa.ButtersUhbu-but I'm from here.StephenNo. We moved here just before you started pre-school. You were born in our native land, Butters. [Walks to a bookshelf and grabs a scrapbook] A distant and very secluded island world called... Hava'i.ButtersWe're from Hawaii?Stephen[Sits on the sofa next to Butters. Linda sits to his left] Only haoles pronounce it Hawaii, Butters, but those of us from Hava'i are a very special people. We have many customs and traditions to keep our culture alive. [Opens the book and points some pictures out to him] We drink chi-chi's from the coconut. We eat poke that the Safeway provides. And when we've chosen a mate, we marry at the fern grotto, as your mother and I did so... very long ago. As a Stotch, Butters, you are actually Hawaiian royalty. Your grandma and grandpa were there at the time of the King. [Flips backwards a few pages and shows him a picture of Elvis Presley playing a ukulele with a picture of Diamondhead in the background.]ButtersBut what does being Hawaiian have to do with me acting like an emo chick on her period?StephenNot an emo chick on her period, Butters. Like a salmon needing to swim back upriver. All Hawaiians feel it. It is called "hapahui apahoha", and it means it's now your time to make your trip to our island home. You must do your walkabout to your homeland, Butters. And you must do it alone. [Linda stands up and starts crying. Stephen stands up and takes out his wallet] Take this, son. It is our Mahalo Rewards card. It will provide you with all you need. And now I must turn my back on you. [He turns his back to Butters. Linda weeps silently. Butters is speechless]The neighborhood park, day. The boys from the table are playing basketball, and Jimmy joins in. Kenny tosses the basketball at Kyle, who makes a shot, and Cartman runs up to them from the sidewalk. Stan catches the ballCartmanHoly shit balls! Holy shit balls! Guess what, you guys? Holy shit balls. [The other boys gather around him]KyleWhat?CartmanButters just got on a bus with his backpack and said he's going to Hawaii.StanHawaii?CartmanHe said he had to go back to his homeland, and then told me it was none of my business and to keep my fat mouth shut.KyleDude, what the hell? Somebody's gotta stop him.Stan[Turns to the basket] After all the things he said to us, he can go ahead. [Makes a shot at close range]KyleKenny, you're clearly his best friend. Go stop him.Kenny(I'm not his best friend.)CartmanYeah, Mr. Perfect, go rescue Butters so he can lick your balls some more. [Kenny sighs and walks away with his head down.]The airport, day. Kenny arrives and walks into the Alpha Air terminal. He sees Butters seated on a seat in an empty row, with two suitcases at his feet. He's sobbing. Kenny walks overKenny(Butters, come on.)ButtersThey won't let me on the plane. Why, I can't do anything right! [Kenny takes one suitcase and Butters' right hand, Butters takes the other suitcase, and they walk. Suddenly Butters stops and pulls his hand away] No, no! I have to go to Hawaii, Kenny! I have no idea what's waiting there for me, but I guh, I can't go on like this! [Kenny sighs, then takes Butters to the teller]Kenny(Excuse me, he needs to go to Hawaii.)TellerI already told him, I can't allow anyone on the aircraft who appears to be intoxicated.ButtersI'm not intoxicated, you skank! I'm just "deligerent" because of my hapanuanalua!Kenny(Please, could you just let him on the plane? It's really important. Please?)TellerTell you what: there's plenty of points on his Mahalo Rewards card. If you wanna fly with him, I can let him go.Kenny(Me?)ButtersCan't you see I'm in horrible pain?! Do you have any idea what-?!Kenny[Puts his hand over Butters mouth to shut him up] (Okay, okay! I'll go.) [Scene cuts to the plane flying towards Hawaii]Lihu'e Airport, Kaua'i, Runway B-5. The plane lands and Butters and Kenny enter the terminal. Butters has picked up his bagsButters[Slowly, as he looks around] Well, we're here, now what do I do? [Kenny points to the information officer nearby, and they walk to him]OfficerCan I help you with anything?ButtersUh yeah, I uh, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go?OfficerOkay, were you with a cruise ship or land tour group?ButtersOh, ah, I'm not a tourist. I'm a native Hawaiian. [The officer just looks at him. A group of Americans approaches him]Blond ManButters Stotch?ButtersYeah?Blond ManWelcome home, young keiki. Your parents said you would be coming for your ceremony. [Notices Kenny] Ah- uh, who's this?ButtersOh thi-this is my friend, Kenny.Older WomanButters, native Hawaiians don't really approve of haoles coming to their ceremonies.ButtersOh please, i-if it weren't for him I couldn't have come.Blond ManVery well, we shall speak with the chief of our island and see. Come now. [Everyone leaves]En route to the chief, day. They go down the road, all packed into an SUV.ButtersYou folks are all native Hawaiians too?Older Man[Driving] Yes. My wife Patty and I have been coming to Kaua'i for almost five years, and Bill and Donna actually own a time share in Poipu.DonnaYes, but Poipu is getting pretty overrun with tourists, I'm afraid.Blond Man[Leans to the right, behind the older man] Let us eat.Older ManOh yea, let us eat. [They stop at Kuwahara Saimin's drive-through] Aloha, five order of saimin, please.ButtersWhat's "saimin"?PattyIt's one of the foods of our people.Older ManOh, I get 20% off, I'm a native. Here's my Mahalo Rewards card. [The cashier notes the card and takes the cash, the older man takes the food, and they're off.] Mahalo. [They soon find themselves behind a slow car with the passenger taking pictures of the scenery. The older man honks.] Come on, you frickin' tourist! Jesus, buy a post card! [Stops and points out a building] These are the ancient ruins of our ancestors. [It's the Coco Palms, long abandoned.] They say the spirit of the king is still in there.Blond ManYou must stay away from this place. It is kapu.Brunet ManKapu. that means "taboo", [points to Kenny] especially to haoles! [they drive off]Older ManUh that there is Bubba's Burgers. [Scene shows Bubba's Burgers] In Havai'i us natives say "Bubba's Bruk". [they pass by a big hotel] Here's the Sheraton, just another megahotel for the throngs of tourists. Here's where many of us natives live. The Sheraton Residences. [A gated community is shown. The Older Man flashes his Mahalo Rewards card to the guard] It's all right, we're natives. [The guard opens the gate and lets them in. They arrive at the chief's residence and step out to talk to him] Protector and Chief, I present to you the keiki, Butters Stotch.ChiefAh, Stephen and Linda's child. Last time I saw you, you were the size of a coconut. Who's the haole?Kenny's room at the Residences, night. He sits by the open window with a lit candle, a pencil and a sheet of paper. He begins to write.KennyMy dearest friends,:I am living amongst the natives in the remote and tiny island of Kava'i. What can I tell you of this mysterious island and its people? It is a place of wonder, and yet to the outsider like me, a place of odd tradition. The people here are peaceful and joyous, and seem to care little for the rush and worry of the outside world. Their diet is mostly an odd mixture of coconut milk, pineapple juice, and vodka, which they call the chi-chi. As for Butters, he is quickly learning the ways of his ancestors, and seems to be feeling better with every passing day. He still seems quite angry at times, but luckily his ceremony will finally take place on the morrow.As he writes, the following scenes are shown: First, the Safeway supermarket. The people greet each other with a fist, with pinky and thumb extended. Next, three kids are playing in a pool while Donna enjoys her chi-chi and the older couple sit on chaise longues in the background. Next, Kenny is at the bar order a chi-chi. Next, Butters learns how to play bocce ball. Next, Stan reads the letter to Cartman and KyleStan[reading the letter] "On the morrow"? What the fuck is wrong with Kenny?KennyTo wit, I have found nothing wrong with this remote place, and I must admit it will be with some melancholy that I will leave this island and return home.

I saw this chick in a bikini on the beach too. She had the nicest boobs ever. Humbly yours, Kenneth.

A luau, day. All the natives are in line for lunch before the ceremony begins. Butters stands on a platform before the chief while Kenny watches onChiefIn the time-honored traditions of our ancestors, we honor the native Hawaiian Butters Stotch with his hapa noa. [everyone cheers and and woman slips a necklace onto his neck] The shark-tooth necklace represents your connection to our island. [a horn blower comes in with a conch shell and blows into it... badly] Now drink the chi-chi! [Patty walks over with a glass of it and gives it to Butters, who begins to drink it through a straw.]Butters[turns right and coughs, then] Whoa, it's like gasoline!ChiefDrink, young keiki, and you will feel the last of your aggression melt away.Butters[Finishes the rest of the drink, then stumbles just a little bit and smiles] Hey, uh now I do feel butter, uh better.ChiefO spirits of ancestors, we ask that you bless this native Hawaiian with his hapa noa! We ask that you-Blond Man[runs in] Listen! [climbs onto a table] Listen everyone! I have terrible, horrible news!ChiefDo you realize that you are interrupting a hapa noa?Blond ManI've just come from the front office! The Mahalo Rewards card is... [chokes]ChiefWhat?! What has happened? Speak!Blond ManThe Mahalo Rewards card is being eliminated! They're trying to say our points are... are... no longer going to be accepted.Chief[Rises from his chair and walks to his left] I knew one day it would come to this.PattyTo what? What does this mean?ChiefThe haoles are trying to do away with us.Resident 1With no rewards program, there will be no distinction between who's a native to this island and who isn't!Resident 2Why can't you people respect our island? Why do you always want nore?!ChiefI'm sorry keiki, your hapa noa will have to wait! For we must unite together as never before! It is time to show the haoles that this is our island! [this draws cheers from everyone]A seaside golf course, day. A cruise ship is some distance from the shore when it blows its horn. A group of natives stand by their golf ballsChief[Yelling at the ship] Stop ruining our island, haoles! FIRE! [The natives fire away into the ocean. Some of the golf balls land in the water, some of them reach the ship]First MateWhat are they doing? [The passengers are being pelted with golf balls.]Chief[Walks over to Butters and gives him a club] Take a swing! Let them know they are not welcome!ButtersI've never done this before. [Gets into position]ChiefIt's all right. Just try to tap into that anger that's inside you.ButtersAim... my anger! Stupid [Swings successfully] Ben Affleck! [The golf ball sails through the air and enters the bridge, smashing through the window and the captain's binoculars. The first mate shrieks] Waaah! [The captain stumbles onto a controller and breaks it with sheer momentum. The ship begins to pitch back and sink. Passengers begin to tumble towards the water. Butters is dumbfounded. The ship breaks in two]ManHold on! [The golf club just falls out of Butters' left hand] Hold on!WomanOh I can't! I can't! I can't hold on!ManI love you! I love you!WomanNo! I love you! I love you back! [The ship vanishes below the water]Breaking NewsAnnouncerThis is breaking news!AnchorAn insurrection in the Hawaiian Islands has escalated to war! After sinking a cruise ship, the natives of Kauai continue to go berserk, forcing all tourists off their island.Man 1They just pushed us onto airplanes and said we weren't welcome anymore!Woman 1Then a little boy called me a skank.Anchor[A picture of Barack Obama appears over his shoulder] The President says he will send the Coast Guard to take the island back, though he sympathizes, being a native Hawaiian himself. [Thinks about it for a second] Hm.The ceremonial plaza, day.ChiefAre all the tourists gone from our island?Resident 3All but a few who are hiding out at Duke's Restaurant. We sent Bob and Trisha Turner to smoke them out.Resident 4What about him?Kenny(What about me?)Resident 4He's a tourist and he knows everything! We have to kill him!Butters[Jumps in front of Kenny to shield him] No! Kenny's my friend! He's the only kid at school I actually like, you buncha jerks!ChiefBe careful young keiki, your anger still controls you because we were not able to finish the ceremony. Perhaps we should finish it now.Resident 4Finish his ceremony?! We are at war, David! I have lived on this island for ten years. Ten years! Every July and part of August! And I can tell you all that what we are about to face from the haoles is nothing short of genocide!Resident 5He's right, David. We can't trust any tourists.ButtersHe won't betray us! Will you, Kenny?!Kenny(No, I'm not going to fucking betray anybody!)Resident 6Then let him prove himself! Trial by opahika'a!Chief DavidHe's only a child!Resident 4If he wants to be one of us, then he must face the challenge!Chief DavidVery well. [The horn blower, Resident 5, returns to blow the conch shell]On the bank of a river flowing by the Residences, day. David and Butters are there with the rest of the residents in the background, and Kenny is...Blond ManThis isn't right! He's not a native! He's gonna get killed!ButtersKenny, be careful!Chief DavidQuiet. He must face this challenge alone. [Kenny is on a surfboard on the river using a small paddle to get somewhere]Resident 1By the gods! Perhaps he has the heart of a native after all!Resident 4He still has yet to make the turn! [Kenny reaches a buoy in the middle of the river and paddles around it, then makes his way back to the riverbank.]ResidentsHohhh!Resident 7[A little tipsy from his drink] That's pretty good. [Kenny slows down, then loses his balance and falls into the river]Kenny(Whoops!)ButtersKenny!ResidentsAwwwww. [A second later they all turn away and leave. Butters stays at the riverbank.]Resident 4[To another Resident] I told you a haole couldn't do it!Chief DavidDid you make the turn your first try? Did any of us? [Kenny pops up behind them and floats down the river]Resident 8[A woman, walks up to Butters] Don't worry, Butters, your friend will find a way back to his kind. The gods will protect him. [She extends her left hand and guides him away]Kenny looks downriver and sees a waterfall. He panics and quickly dog paddles away from it, but the current overwhelms him and he goes over. He bumps into several rocks, each bigger than the last, on his way down, head firstSmith's Tropical Paradise, day. David has assembled the residents into this building and now talks to themChief DavidWe have called for this great meeting because if we are to survive this war, all the native Hawaiian tribes must join as one!Resident 9We're not joining the people of the Hyatt Grand Vacations! They have no rights to call themselves natives!Vacationer 1Oh and you do?! Your ancestors came on an airplane six months ago! Our ancestors sailed here! On a cruise ship! Nine months ago!Chief DavidLook, if we are to fight the haoles, we have to allow all natives to stay!CanyonerIt doesn't matter how many tribes we have, we can't win! We are but a few against the haole's military might! We may have passion, but passion does not win wars!Chief DavidOh no? Come up here, keiki. Come on. [Butters gets on stage with David] This child sunk a cruise ship by himself! Tell them keiki. [Hands the mic to Butters]ButtersWell I don't know about the rest of ya, but I'm sick and tired of bein' pushed around all the time! I came all the way down here for my hapa noa ceremony, and I can't even have it, 'cause the fucking haoles have to ruin everything!Resident 9Yeah!Vacationer 1Screw them!ButtersWell if you ask me, the only good haole is a dead haole! With a, with a stick up his butthole, and his wiener cut off! Rraahhhh!Chief DavidLet us make a pact with more chi-chis!Resident 10[goes to serve himself some more chi-chi from the barrels, but finds there isn't any] Um, we're... we're out of chi-chis.Resident 11Oh, right, we've closed off all the ports.Resident 12But they're still letting vodka through, right? Uh... they can't cut off our chi-chis.Chief David...Oh my God.Downriver, day. Kenny crawls onto the riverbank, coughs, and looks up. He's across the road from Coco Palms. He stands up and walks towards it. He looks around and heads in, but first waits for a bunch of bats to fly out of the cavernous entrance. Meanwhile, offshore, the U.S. Coast Guard shows up in force to deal with the nativesCaptainThis is the U.S. Coast Guard! We have instructions to take you by force, if necessary!Chief David[heading up a large group of natives] Ready? Fire! [the natives fire off their golf balls, but none of them have any effect on the Coast Guard]Captain[Lowers his binoculars, then flatly] Fire. [The ships' guns fire away and decimate many of the natives]Chief DavidArm the bocce balls! [Surviving natives arm bocce balls into slingshots stretched between palm trees. One of them lands on the main ship with a heavy thud]CaptainGod damn it.Chief DavidKeep fighting! Stand your ground!Resident 4We can't fight without chi-chis!Chief DavidYou can and you MUST!Butters[He has six golf balls in front of him and he hits each one towards the Coast Guard] Stupid! Greedy! Haoles! Kill! Them! All!Kenny walks through the Coco Palms, which is dark and spooky. A voice is soon heard, and Kenny stops in his tracks. He turns and runs away, but steps onto a patch covering a hole on the floor and falls in. He recovers and looks up to see the shining ghost of Elvis Presley. He beckons Kenny to follow him, mumbling just like Kenny does.The KingCome on, come on. [Mumbles a few more things as they walk towards a door. Elvis stops and pulls a lever, and a wall rises to reveal loads of absolute vodka, pineapple juice, coconut milk, and macadamia nut liqueur, all the ingredients needed for chi-chis. Elvis walks up to the doorway and motions to Kenny] You know what chi-chis are, right?The Residences, day, on the ceremonial plaza, Chief David admits defeatChief DavidListen everyone, we gave it all we had. It's over. We must go down to Nowiliwili Harbor, and surrender to the American government.Butters[Runs onto the plaza] Surrender?! No, the heck with that!Resident 4We can't hold out here any longer!ButtersWell I won't do it, you hear me?! I'm not licking anybody's... testes!Chief DavidYoung keiki, try to control your anger.ButtersNo! This is our home! And I'm sick of everyone who thinks they're better than me just 'cause they've got good looks, and just 'cause, even after massacring Daredevil, they happen to come back and hit a home run that everyone likes! You shouldn't be able to be good-looking and be with Jennifer Lopez and be a good director! [Turns around and walks away] All right all right fine! Argo is a good movie! There, I admitted it! I told people that it didn't hold up, but it holds up god darn it! Ben Affleck has everything, GRAGH!Resident 13Everyone! Look, I say! [Everyone comes to see, and it's Kenny coming back with a raft full of absolute vodka, pineapple juice, coconut milk, and macadamia nut liqueur. Everyone cheers him on]Resident 14The haole did it!KennyMy dear friends of the mainland,:What adventures I have found on the tiny island of Kava'i. I have truly become one with the natives, who found new courage to fight their oppressors.Chief DavidWe are not surrendering today! Go back and tell your leaders that we will fight them until the end! [Everyone cheers]CaptainYou people just don't give up, do ya?KennyThe American government finally gave in to the natives and had the Mahalo Rewards cards reinstated. Our two cultures, it appears, will once again live in peace.Everyone cheers, even the Coast Guard captainKennyWith the war at an end, our Butters is able to have his hapa noa ceremony. And with any help from the gods, become his old cheery self again.The hapa noa ceremony, day. Butters will finally become a full-fledged member of his tribeChief DavidAnd so it is with great honor that we recognize these two natives with their hapa noa. Take your cards, boys. [Two women come up and give them their cards] Apuiloa hapnanoaha! Hapa'a'a hohaaa! [Resident 5 returns to blow the conch shell a third time.] It's finally over, young keiki. Is your anger at rest?Butters[He thinks for a moment] Yeah, I guess so. Except it still doesn't change the fact that Ben Affleck gets to be handsome, talented, and then gets to go home and kiss Jennifer Lopez.Resident 15Ben Affleck isn't with Jennifer Lopez anymore, he's married to Jennifer Gardner.ResidentsYeah, it's true, uh huh.ButtersWhat? Really? But I thought I was totally jealous of him. He's just married to Jennifer Gardner? Oh my God, I feel so much better. [smiles with relief]Kenny(You do?)ButtersYeah, ogh, I like that Ben Affleck guy. He's a good filmmaker. Come on, Kenny, I guess I owe the kids at school an apology. [He and Kenny walk off into the sunset] Did you see Argo, Kenny? It's a pretty good movie. Ben Affleck has a lot goin' for him. Not everything, but a lot. Whoopie!

#long post

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off / make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''somebody that i used to know'' by gotye

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thedramaclubs · 3 years

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The acceptance song

This song was robbed from the movie

Summery: The actors arrived at the hotel they were staying at and they are about to do the rally

Ships: Logicality, Prinxiety, demus/dukeceit

When they’re singing

Thomas-pink

Roman-red

Remus-green

Two people-blue

All-purple

After the whole school thing, the actors went to the hotel they were gonna stay in.

“Oh my god this is worse than the bus.” Said Roman as they enters the lobby

“Well at least it’s quieter, if I have to sit through “Day by Day” one more time I definitely won’t kill them all one by one.” Said Janus as he walked to the desk

“4 rooms for Allen I called yesterday” Roman than interject “4 rooms varying in sizes to the reflect the hierarchy of the company” the front desk man was very confused about what Roman said.

“Where’s my suite?”

“We don’t have a suite.”

“Oh” Roman want buying it so he went into his purse and place a tony award on the desk “do you have a suite now”

“No we don’t have any suites. All the rooms are the same”

Roman still wanted his way so he placed a second tony award next to the other one

“Surely you know who I am. I’d at least like a room next to the spa”

“We don’t have a spa. We have a foosball table. I can put you near that.” Roman put his Tony’s back in his purse and Remus came barging in

“JANNIE! Have you seen these rooms? We’re gonna be murdered and stuff. And I’m the one who’s supposed to murder and stuff Roman”“I can hear you!” “I mean it has 3 stars” Said Janus as he tried to find his flask

“Do you have any cabins?”

“We don’t have any cabins”

Remus then grabbed a drama desk out of his bag and placed it on the table “How about now?”

Roman looked at what he just placed “What is that?” “It’s a drama desk.” “A what?” “You know What it is!” He grabbed his drama desk and Thomas came in looking sick

“Well I vomited in the back of the bus again! Can I speck to the hotel doctor?”

“If there’s a doctor here he’s in the basement holding our essences in a pot” Said Remus as he went to lay his head on Janus. Just then the man at the desk was really excited

“Oh my god it’s you! I can’t believe it it’s really you!!!”

Remus lifted his head “You know him but you don’t know us?” “I suppose my artistry speaks for itself.” “YOUR THAT GUY FROM “TALK TO THE HAND!” It comes on every night at nine right after Two of a kind!” He grabbed his room key being annoyed and went to the others.

“Alright let’s change some lives! Joan’s finding us a venue, Thomas, what about the song that you mention that we would use for the rally”

“Uh, about that. I was misled by my representation. Mr Sondheim, man who was supposed to write the song is not a huge fan of my Sweeney Todd. Quite the opposite actually. He said there’s a lot of anger and clever, clever anger.” Everyone was devastated and Roman got up “Thomas you screwed us. We can’t have a rally without a song”

“Don’t worry I....wrote something myself. Quite rousy, it is in a very humane key. The Godspell kids will back us up they have their own costumes”

The three men looked st the music Thomas gave them.“Oh my god” Said Janus as he started laughing.“This is awful” Remus kept looking through the song questioning everything. “You rhymed bigotry with.... big of me” Roman started why they brought Thomas along.

“Yeah pretty great huh take that Lin Manuel Miranda” Remus then interjected “We can’t sing this they’ll throw beer cans at our heads and we know that Roman will use me as his shield to protect his hair” “Shut up Remus!!!” “No I’m calling you out!!!”

“Trust me all we need is a simple message to tug at the heart strings plus a little pageantry we have everything we need right here” “Except a venue” Janus then proceeded to chug his flask just then Joan came bursting in.

“I GOT ONE! I had to get down in my knees a few times but it was was worth it” everyone got a burst of energy “And there’s 25000 guaranteed” “That’s amazing.” Roman and the others we’re getting excited “What is it one of those beautiful antebellum opera houses?”

“No it’s an arena! Your gonna be the halftime show of something called a monster truck rally!” We are now at the monster truck rally and the halftime show and the announcer began to speak “Ladies and gentlemen Truckosaurus, the car-eating robot dinosaur, will not be your halftime entertainment today. Instead we have some guests who’ve come from New York to sing us a song about intolerance”

Thomas walk on stage and with confidence “Hello I’m Thomas Sanders, actor and Juilliard graduate” a man from the crowd screamed “HEY ITS THAT GUY FROM “TALK TO THE HAND”!!”

Thomas was about to loose his shit but stayed calm “Yeah ya know “talk to the hand” is a small part of my resume. In the early aughts I did a 3 episode arch on greys anatomy. But I realize something about people. Even though we all look different on the outside skin, nose, shapes on the inside we’re all the same on the inside. We all got lungs, intestines, corazons. So I wrote this song, this ones for you Patton” he revealed a picture of Patton when Janus was trying to take his picture. Then the music began

🎶Flowers accept the rain and grow more beautiful, babies accept heir mothers breast so they can grow strong🎶

🎶I accept that I was born a handsome man. So join with me and sing this acceptance song🎶

The cast of godspell came out in very bright an colorful costumes

🎶Let us accept one another🎶

🎶I know it’s truly hard🎶

🎶We’re sister and brother🎶

🎶Here’s what I learned at Juilliard. Bigotry’s not big of me and it’s not big of you🎶

🎶Let’s all work together to make rainbow dreams come true🎶

Ladies and gentlemen, two time Tony Award winner, Mr Roman Allen

🎶Acorns accept the sun and turn to might oaks, Sperm whales accept fresh air through their blow hole things (blow hole)🎶

🎶Bumble bees accept they’ll die within a year🎶

🎶And still they flap their soon to be dead wings🎶

🎶Let us accept one another🎶

🎶Forget you politics🎶

🎶We’re sister and brother🎶

🎶So let’s not be total dicks. Bigotry’s not big of me, and it’s not big of you🎶

🎶Let’s all work together to make rainbow dreams come true🎶

Ladies and gentlemen, the non-equity cast of Godspell and one time drama desk winner, Remus Allen

Remus came in wearing a yellow shirt saying “We’re all gay” as the Godspell kids did choreography

🎶Accept me (he says it 8 more times and I’m too tired to write that so pretend I did here)🎶

Roman and Thomas came back in wearing the same yellow shirts

🎶Let us accept one another join the fight today we’re sister and brother🎶

🎶Make people hear us when we say🎶

🎶Bigotry’s not big of me and it’s not big of me and it’s not big of you let’s make a rainbow🎶

🎶And make rainbow dreams come true (accept us, accept us, accept us, accept us)🎶

Janus came in wearing a rainbow outfit and with two black bags with rainbow fabrics that two people pulled out

🎶Let’s make rainbow dreams come TRUUUUUUUUE🎶

ACCEPTANCE!!

People to tag/ @artissijules @patt-off @frogsandcookies @icantthinkofacreativeurl

Sorry this didn’t come out yesterday I was really tired

#sanders sides #sanders sides the prom au #logicality #prinxiety #demus #dukeceit #roman sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #ts joan #c!thomas #livy writes

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