Fealty
Summary: Virgil wants to ask Roman to the prom. And sometimes things don’t quite go according to plan. HumanAU. Hurt/comfort. So much fluff with a dash of angst
Warnings: prom, anxiety, outting, homophobia, manipulation, self doubt, Janus as a villain, fighting, self deprecation
Word Count: 8k
AN: Oh my god. I love this story more than you can imagine. But it's also my longest one chapter thing ever . To help make it a little more digestible, it's broken into 3 parts. And you can read it along with the others in this… I guess AU or alone. Here is the link to the first in that sequence.
Before you ask, yes JD is Janus. To be fair, I started this before the last video came out. That being said, I will spoil it and let you know that Janus/JD is the bad guy in this. And I stand by that. I don’t think he always is (read my story Ally if you need an example where I don’t make him the bad guy). But he is here, so please just be mindful of that.
Shout Out to @today-only-happens-once for all of her help with this fic. Also to @meowthefluffy and the one anon for their help with some prom culture questions I had!
-1 month away-
“Patton, step to the left…. No, your other left,” Logan calls from the lighting platform to Patton who is standing on stage.
Virgil sits on the lighting platform, in the back of the high school theater next to Logan. He sits on his leg while holding his other knee, biting at a hangnail as he watches a few lights change colors corresponding to the commands Logan is typing. The backdrop, once white, is now a wash of deep purple, accented by the heavy red lights hitting further up on the stage. He analyzes it silently as he tilts his head to the side. The way the lights are hitting Patton looks a bit better now that the purple downstage has been lifted and the red isn’t quite as intense. The stage now looks dramatic, yet keeps the softness Virgil is looking for.
“There. Is that better?” Logan asks.
No, it looks dumb, thinks Virgil. I’ll look dumb. This whole thing is dumb!
Virgil leans back in his chair, nodding. “It’ll work.”
“Thank you, Patton,” calls Logan. “You can get down now.”
“Okay,” Patton says as he gives a little salute before walking to the stairs leading down from the stage.
Virgil runs his hands over his pants, trying to dry them off. This is such a dumb idea. Why would Roman ever want to go to prom with an anxious mess?
“Relax,” suggests Logan. “He’s going to love it.”
Virgil rolls his eyes. “What do you mean? I am relaxed.”
“Virgil,” Patton says in a warning voice as he climbs the ladder, peering up on the lighting platform.
“I know, I know,” Virgil allows as he makes an effort to uncurl himself a bit from his chair, running a hand through his purple bangs. “It's just… what if I mess this up?”
Logan types a few more commands into the ancient computer before sliding his chair back a little from the desk. “You won’t.”
“But this is Roman we’re talking about,” Virgil argues, noticing how dry his mouth feels. “Roman Prince. You know he’s been dreaming about a ‘promposal’ since he could practically walk!”
“That’s a gross exaggeration. They didn’t really get popular until…”
“What if it's not what he wants?” Virgil asks, flipping his hood up and stuffing his hands in his hoodie’s pocket. “What if I say the wrong thing? This moment matters to him, ya know? He wants an over the top, profession of love shouted from rooftops.”
Logan sighs. “He wants you, Virgil.”
Is that what Roman wants? He would be happier with someone that was more comfortable with open flirting and expressions of romance. Why does he put up with me?
“Well… he deserves more than me,” Virgil mutters to himself as he stands, pushing in his chair.
Patton interrupts sternly, “Now, none of that. You two are great together. Just, breathe. Trust yourself. He’s going to love it.”
“You sure?” Virgil asks, slinging his backpack onto his shoulder. He walks over to Patton, who moves over, and climbs down the ladder and onto the floor.
“Completely,” Logan confirms as he climbs down too. “Would it help if we run through your checklist one more time?”
Virgil nods, not trusting his voice. Patton comes next to him, taking his hand and looking at him with big eyes full of hope and encouragement.
“Okay, Ms. Martin is here to supervise?” Logan asks, pulling out his phone and the checklist he had made with Virgil when they were planning this.
What if she thinks this is a dumb idea? Is she listening to us? What if I say something horrible? Will she laugh at me?
“Yeah,” Virgil mutters, shuffling his feet, “In the soundbooth.”
“Good,” nods Logan as he checks it off. “Are the lights set the way you want them?”
Oh god what if Roman thought the lights were dumb? Who decides to go for dramatic AND soft? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
“Yep.”
“Great. Notecards?”
What kind of dork needs notecards to ask their boyfriend to prom? Like, what a special kind of stupid, right?
Virgil reaches into his pocket and pulls out the five notecards he made earlier with Patton, and pulls them out. “Check.”
“Calculator that Roman conveniently left behind that I am texting him to return?”
“Uh…” Virgil stutters. He doesn’t have the calculator. Roman’s parents will murder him if he looses it again. It costs over a hundred dollars and he had lost three already this year. What if they ground him?
“Oh, I have that!” Patton jumps as he reaches into his backpack, pulling out the bright pink calculator and handing it to Virgil. “We got your back, Virgil.”
“All that’s left is for us to send the text,” Logan smiles as he slides his phone into his pocket. “Are you ready?”
Virgil swallows the lump in his throat. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Good, because I already sent it,” Logan answers. “We’ll get out of your hair.”
“We’re rooting for you.” Patton smiles as he takes Logan’s hand.
Virgil can practically feel his heart in his throat as he watches Patton leading them out. “Thanks, guys.”
Logan looks back for just a second and Virgil gives what he hopes is a small smile of reassurance. Logan nods in acknowledgement before allowing Patton to pull him down the hall.
Virgil slings the backpack into a seat and goes to sit on the edge of the stage to wait for Roman. He could do this. It was just Roman, right?
He leans back, laying down on the stage spread eagle, looking up at the lights above. He feels like invisible strings are wrapped around him in a vice grip. Virgil takes three deep breaths, focusing from his stomach like the school counselor had taught him. He was going to ask Roman Prince out to their senior prom and it would all be okay. He would go through the little speech he had outlined with Logan’s help. Worst case, Roman would turn him down and he wouldn’t have to go to a dance he didn’t especially care about anyway. Best case, he would pull off a miracle and sweep Roman off of his feet. Either would be okay. Roman would be happy either going to prom with him, or he would go with someone else and have an even better time, right?
Virgil closes his eyes at the ache in his chest that thought causes, moving one hand over the pain. Of course he wants to be the one to take Roman. Of course the only acceptable option is success. He had observed Roman for so long, resigning himself to watching his Prince thrive in the spotlight while he waited in the wings. There was no way Virgil could stand someone else taking his place. This was a dumb idea.
He pulls out the notecards from his pocket and flips through them, reading them through for about the thousandth time that day. Logan had insisted that notecards would help alleviate the stress of remembering what to say. Patton had then added his own touches with stickers and doodles along the edges to get Virgil to relax. Neither the notecards nor the pictures were being very helpful at the moment, Virgil notes as he realizes his hands are shaking holding them.
The door to the theater opens, causing Vigril to jump up, the note cards falling as he sits upright. He blinks into the darkness of the theater and feels his breath catch as his eyes find Roman coming up the aisle, out of breath.
“Hey, Virge! Have you seen Logan? He sent me a text that he had the calculator I left in math. If I come home without it again my sister is going to gay-up murder me.”
Virgil reaches into his pocket and slides the calculator towards the edge of the stage where Roman now stands. “Yeah, here.”
“Awesome, thanks,” smiles Roman. He looks around the stage. “What were you guys setting lights for? Looks amazing.”
“Think so?” Virgil asks, suddenly very aware of how sweaty his hands are. He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, discreetly trying to dry them on his black denim pants.
“Uh, yeah,” Roman answers, flashing Virgil a smile that could light up the whole stage itself. “There’s a duality that exists in it I can really get behind.”
Virgil feels ones of the invisible strings around him loosen, relaxing that Roman likes the lighting. Now for the hard part: words.
Virgil swallows a couple of times, his tongue feeling thick. This was not a time to stop knowing how to speak. A new panic started to fill Virgil: what if I physically can’t do this?
“Hey,” Roman asks gently, “You okay?”
Virgil looks around himself and sees the cards scattered on the floor. He gets on his hands and knees, trying to scoop them up with his shaking hands, but they’re all out of order and sticking to the floor.
This is not how this was supposed to go. I have totally messed this all up. Roman will never forgive me for not doing this right.
Before he knows it Roman is kneeling on the stage next to him. “Whoah, hey,” he softly calls, slowly placing a hand on Virgil’s. “I’m here. What do you need?”
Great, now I’ve upset him.
“I’m sorry,” Virgil gets out, his voice tight as he keeps his eyes trained on the ground in front of him.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Roman states calmly. “What do you need?”
To not be wasting your time in a relationship. To be so heavily sedated that I forget this is happening. To not be such a wimp when it comes to asking you on a date.
“I need to do this.”
“Do what?”
“This,” Virgil answers as he gestures to the cards on the floor, still not looking at Roman.
“Oh, okay?” Roman hesitantly replies. “You’re being kind of vague.”
“Sorry,” Virgil sighs, hanging his head, trying to loosen the panic. “I’ve totally messed this up.”
There's a beat of silence before Roman picks up the nearest notecard, causing Virgil’s eyes to snap to him. He reaches for it, but Roman turns just slightly out of reach. He looks it over and reads it aloud, “I promise that I will always be there for you, never hurt you, and will defend your honor.”
Virgil freezes as he watches Roman’s reaction. There’s a moment of puzzlement behind his eyes as he mouths out the wording again before they seem to spark with realization. “I believe that is a pledge of fealty, my Dark and Stormy Knight.”
Virgil sits back at the positive response and recognition, his chest loosening at the positive reaction. “Seemed fitting for a Prince.”
“What are you trying to do, Virgil?”
“A-ask you to prom?” Virgil answers, looking away from Roman. “But it’s, it’s not going so well. I really messed up.”
“Oh Virgil.” Roman scoots closer and places a hand on Virgil’s. “Darling, you could never mess that up.”
“But you need a big promposal,” Virgil sighs. “And I can’t…”
“I don’t care about a big promposal,” Roman interrupts, gently placing his forehead against Virgil’s.
“What?”
“I… I mean, they’re very nice. But I don’t want a big moment if it means nothing. There’s something romantic in a certain level of intimacy, right?” asks Roman.
Virgil laughs a little in relief. “Just when I start to think I have you figured out, you do something completely unexpected.”
Roman tilts his head just enough to kiss Virgil, soft and gentle. Virgil feels his whole body relax at the moment, silencing the repeating worry that he was used to. Before he knows it, he grabs Roman’s shirt, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss. There’s a cough from the sound booth, causing the two to pull away just a little.
“Sorry Ms. Martin,” Virgil calls with a laugh as Roman turns and waves at their chaperone.
Roman stands up and offers Virgil a hand, pulling him upright. “I would love to go to prom with you, Virgil,” Roman says, pushing Virgil’s bangs out of his eyes. “No big scary shows of adoration required.”
Virgil smiles as the relief settles and he looks at Roman. “Cool.”
“Come on.” Roman takes Virgil’s hand. “A little bird told me that Patton was going to ask Logan to prom today and I’m dying to know how it went. It's about time they acknowledge their mutual pining.”
“Okay,” agrees Virgil, allowing himself to be led down the stairs to the theater.
Less than 1 week-
It's the week of prom. Senior prom season always caused a little bit of an undercurrent of excitement that permeated the atmosphere. Virgil sits in his study hall, hood flipped up trying to focus on completing a study guide for economics. However, all of the students in the room are buzzing around, whispering to one another and on their phones, showing one another everything from prom dresses to campaigns for prom court. Virgil rolls his eyes again as another girl asks their friend “why isn’t Roman running?”
Roman had decided that he didn’t want to run for court. His grades weren’t great right now and he had many college music and theater auditions happening at the moment. The group of friends had debated the idea into the ground, ultimately with Roman agreeing that his priorities right now were not prom focused. Virgil, of course, had agreed to support Roman in whatever manner was necessary. But still, the student body was shocked.
“Did you hear what happened at the bell with Prince?” another girl asks. Virgil stops writing, suddenly interested in the conversation. Without moving his head, Virgil looks up in the direction of the girls who had pulled their desks into a circle.
“No, what happened?”
“Check Claire’s Snapstory,” the first girl says. “She got some of it on camera before a teacher got in her way.”
Virgil pauses for a moment before he feels his phone vibrate in his hoodie pocket. He pulls it out and sees the banner “Text: Patton” he opens it up and reads the text.
“Something happened with Logan, Roman, and JD. Don’t know what, they sent me out of the office, but security was with them.”
Virgil feels his stomach drop. JD, Virgil’s cousin, never meant anything good. And security only meant trouble.
He wasn’t aware of when he stood up, but he finds himself walking towards the sign out sheet, stuffing his belongings in his backpack. As a senior, he could technically go home now if he wanted to, so he marks the signout sheet as such.
Virgil walks deliberately as his brain swims at the information provided. There was a video, two friends, one enemy (if Virgil had one of those), and security. He needs answers. He needs to know that his friends are okay. And even if he were to text them, he wouldn’t believe it until he saw them with his own two eyes.
He turns the corner towards the office when he stops suddenly. He pulls back instinctively as his eyes follow JD and his aunt, JD’s mother. JD has his head down, holding his wrist with the opposite hand. His mother walks in front, her designer bag over her arm as she types a text on her phone, her heels clicking with each step. “Come along, Janus, darling. We have to go to the store to replace that phone before it hits rush hour.”
JD looks up, sweeping the area around him. His eyes land on Virgil, causing something to spark behind them that Virgil can’t place. The emo holds his gaze, refusing to back down and show unease at his cousin. He takes a step forward and JD speeds up, walking next to his mother now. Virgil inwardly takes pride in the reaction. JD wasn’t afraid of much, so he’ll take the victory where he can.
As soon as his aunt and cousin are out of the main door, Logan emerges from the office. Virgil runs over to him, noticing the glasses missing from Logan’s face.
“Hey,” Virgil greets as his eyes scan his friend over. Logan looks tired, his hair more tousled than usual. His shirt hangs partially untucked and his tie was just hanging loosely around his neck. Virgil can clearly see the dark circles from working overtime getting ready for exams that usually are hidden by his glasses.
“Hello, Virgil,” Logan says flatly, looking at his hand that was holding his clearly broken glasses.
“What happened?”
There’s a sigh before Logan responds, “Don’t worry about it.”
Virgil shakes his head. “You know I can’t.”
There’s another pause before Logan says quietly, “It's not my place, Virgil.”
Virgil doesn’t miss the pauses in Logan’s responses. He’s being overly cautious, the emo notices. “Are you okay, at least?” Virgil asks, matching Logan’s tone.
“I’m fine,” Logan says, his eyes still focused on the crushed glasses in his hand. “I cannot say the same for these, however. I’m sorry, Virgil, but I have to get going. My sister was just called from class to take me to get them repaired.”
“Yeah, totally.” Virgil nods.
The door to the office swings open again. Logan’s hand grabs Virgil’s shoulder and pulls him against the wall, out of the walkway. A husband and wife walk through the door, and Virgil’s stomach drops: it’s Roman’s parents. His mom’s lips are pressed firmly together, her eyes trained in front of her. While she was always a beautiful woman, there’s an almost fire behind her eyes that scream to watch out. Roman could get the same look when his friends were threatened. His father, a burly man, walks next to her, shaking his head with a defeated look etched in his features.
A security officer, Officer Ward, comes out and Virgil recognizes him from when the man helped with a couple of set builds for the theater. Virgil’s chest tightens as he sees Roman next to the man, looking small against the large frame of his father and even larger one of Officer Ward.
Roman is staring at the floor while he walks, not blinking. Virgil can see the start of a bruise on Roman’s jaw and his heart breaks. Roman doesn’t look up or even seem to realize two of his best friends are standing right next to him. Virgil starts to reach, but Logan digs his fingers into Virge’s shoulder while shaking his head ever so slightly. He drops his hand and watches as the officer leads them outside of the main glass doors. He says something to Roman, who nods, before shaking hands with Mr. and Mrs. Prince and heading down the sidewalk, probably to do a last check of the premises before the day is officially over.
Virgil moves Logan’s hand off of his shoulder and walks towards the door after it closes, separating them from the Prince family. Virgil can’t help but ask again, “What happened?”
Logan joins him, watching as Roman’s parents say something to their son, who seems to deflate even more. He takes Virgil’s hand and gives a gentle squeeze as a familiar car pulls up in front of the school, Logan’s sister sitting in the driver’s seat. “I have to go. But we’ll be okay, Virge.”
“What happened?” Virgil asks another time, desperate for answers as to why his boyfriend was standing outside with his parents looking smaller than Virgil had ever known him to be.
“He’ll tell you when he’s ready,” Logan says as he pushes open the door and starts walking towards the car. He gets to where the Prince family is standing, says something to Roman’s parents, his mom nodding and his father offering a handshake. Logan says something to Roman before getting in the car and driving off.
Virgil stands and watches as Roman and his parents continue to talk, his mother getting more agitated as she goes back and forth with her son. After a moment, Roman’s dad puts a hand on his wife’s shoulder and starts ushering her towards the guest parking lot. Roman hangs his head before turning in the opposite direction towards the student parking.
Virgil doesn’t remember when he started running. When he gets to the edge of the parking lot sees Roman fumbling with his keys next to his red Ford, “Roman!”
Roman stops with the keys, but doesnt turn around. “Not now, Virgil.”
“Are you okay?” Virgil asks, out of breath. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Roman sighs, starting to shuffle through his keys again. “None of it matters.”
“Why?” Virgil demands, clenching his fist at his side. “I don’t understand what’s going on! Logan wouldn’t tell me anything!”
Roman drops his keys on the ground as he presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, “I really messed up, Virge. I lost my cool and let him get the best of me.”
Virgil quickly bends down and picks up the keys from where they had bounced. “Who? JD? Whatever it was, I know he started it.”
“Not ac-cording to the school,” Roman says, his voice breaking. Virgil’s eyes grow at just how defeated he sounds.
“We all know how he is,” Virgil responds, shoving the keys in his pocket. “They can’t be serious.”
“It’s on camera.” Roman’s shoulders start shaking, as his voice takes on a harsher tone, tilting his head back looking towards the sky. “God, I played right into his hand.”
Virgil quickly moves himself around Roman so that he’s now facing him. “Hey, it’ll be okay, Ro.”
“I’m suspended, Virgil!” Roman shouts, finally lowering his gaze to meet Virgil’s, challenging him to argue. “Five days. And I have to replace his phone. And they took prom.”
“What?”
“I can’t go to prom. Our senior prom!” he looks away again, tears falling, unable to contain themselves. “God, you must hate me. First I make you feel like you have to do some big thing just to ask me, now I can’t even go.”
Virgil’s gut twists, “Listen…”
“And Logan gets roped into the no prom group for just trying to break up the fight!” Roman sobs, sinking to his knees as he clutches his car to slow his fall. “He must be crushed. And what about Patton? You all must despise me. And rightfully so.”
“Stop…”
“I should have just done what he wanted. What would one statement hurt? I could have avoided this whole mess. And now everyone that I care about hates me.”
“Shut up!” Virgil shouts, anger coming back in a flash. “Just shut up, for one minute. You are not allowed to put words in my mouth, Princey. Ever.”
The sudden outburst of anger stuns Roman for a moment. Virgil immediately feels guilty for his outburst. The last thing Roman needed right now was to be yelled at from someone he should be able to open up to. Virgil takes a deep breath before sinking down to eye level with Roman, “Listen to me, I don’t care about prom. Like, at all. If you’re not going, I’m not going. It’s that easy. And while I can’t speak for Patton and Logan, I am sure that whatever they’re feeling, it isn’t hatred. Not for you. Not ever.”
Virgil offers a hand to Roman, who takes it, tears still falling. The anxious teen pulls Roman in and lets Roman collapse in his lap as he strokes his hair. Roman had done this exact thing to him so many times, Virgil was almost glad to get to return the favor for once.
“Hey,” Virgil says softly after a moment, “I don’t know that the fight was about. At this point, it doesn’t matter. What I do know is that you, Roman Prince, are not one to fight without just cause. You are not the bad guy in this story. I won’t let you. That’s my job.”
That earns a small chuckle from Roman, calming the storm of worry inside Virgil just a little. They stay there for a minute, Virgil just holding Roman as he pulls himself together. Virgil focuses on keeping his breathing steady, smoothing circular motions on Roman’s back. He slowly stops crying, pulling himself together.
“What are we going to do?” Roman eventually asks.
“Are you able to drive home?” Virgil asks, his brain switching into recovery protocol. His therapist had practically drilled it into him when they talked about how to handle his anxiety attacks, and they seemed to work well for all different kinds of crisis recovery.
Roman sighs. “… I want to be.”
“But you aren’t. That’s okay. I’ll drive,” Virgil nods. “So here’s our three steps…”
Roman chuckles as he pulls away from Virgil, sitting up straight, “Are you like Picani’s star pupil or something?”
Virgil rolls his eyes. “Hush, you know you feel better knowing I’m talking to a therapist. Okay, step one is we’re going to get in the car.”
“You still have last period.”
Virgil waves his hand dismissively. “I signed myself out ages ago. If you thought I was going to sit still for a study hall when my boyfriend was in trouble, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to. I made a pledge to always be there for you and I meant it.”
“I thought it was my job to protect you,” Roman quips with a raise of an eyebrow. Virgil’s unease settles more at the jest. If Roman was poking fun in a light hearted manner, it meant he was coming around.
“Last time I checked,” replies Virgil as he stands up and offers Roman a hand, “A knight is expected to stay by his Prince’s side. That’s part of the whole fealty thing, right? Or did I totally miss what Logan was trying to tell me?”
“Okay, okay,” Roman allows with a soft smile. “Step one, car. Step two?”
“Step two, I’ll drive you home.”
“Are you sure-”
“Yes. I got it. Step three-”
“I get to kiss you,” Roman says as he grabs Virgil’s hoodie and pulls him close, kissing him softly, gently, as if trying to say something Virgil can’t quite place. When they pull apart, Virgil can’t help but smile.
“I mean, sure,” Virgil laughs. “But you’re doing it out of order.”
“Let’s get out of here. I technically can’t be on property anyway.”
Virgil nods, “Okay,” and unlocks the car. As Roman walks to the other side of the vehicle, Virgil’s brain is already starting to figure out a way to make Roman feel better when it comes time for prom.
-1 hour-
Virgil stands holding the bottom of the ladder while Patton reaches to get the string of Christmas lights through the last hook to attach them to the house. Patton’s parents had graciously allowed the boys to use their backyard for their master plan to make Logan and Roman feel better about the loss of their prom.
When Virgil had gotten home after driving Roman home, he immediately called Patton and started planning this alternative prom. Patton was all over the idea before Virgil had even finished explaining his ideas. And over the past few hours, all of their hard work had finally come together.
“There, how does that look?” Patton asks, backing down the ladder.
Virgil looks around the brick patio in the dying light and squints, “Kind of hard to tell without the lights plugged in.”
“Right,” Patton smiles, walking over to the light switch by the door and flipping it. The whole yard is then awash in a warm glow. Lights outline the house features, windows and doors. They stretch across the ground along the flowerbeds under the windows to the fence, where they twist through the whole perimeter of the backyard. Twinkling lights are woven through the pergola, softly adding a shimmering effect to the whole yard.
“Whoah,” Virgil whispers as he takes it all in. The patio furniture sits in the yard, clearing the patio except for the large speakers synced up to Patton’s phone. The long picnic table sits off to the side of the yard with punch and snacks all spread out. “It looks great, Patton.”
“Are you sure it looks bright enough?“ asks Patton. “I could go get another strand.”
“What? No. Why do your Dads have so many Christmas lights in the first place?”
“You mean you don’t?”
Virgil shrugs. “We just don’t. Bought the house spotlights in green and red, calling that a day.”
“Oh those are cute,” Patton muses, walking over to the speakers. “Should we start these up?”
“Good idea,” Virgil agrees. “That playlist is like 10 hours long anyway.”
Patton presses a couple of things on his phone before soft music starts playing. It takes a moment before Virigl can place it: Suddenly Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors. Virgil smiles softly at the memories from that show come to him. It was the musical his and Roman’s freshman year. Patton and Virgil had spent hours both of them pulling music to put on their own personalized prom playlist: pop songs that drove them crazy from over use, songs from shows they had been in, songs they loved to sing in their cars, songs that just reminded them of Roman and Logan.
“And we are in business,” Patton puts the phone in his pocket, having set the volume loud enough to be heard, but soft enough that they could easily talk over top of it.
“Sweet,” Virgil comments, checking his watch. Any minute now.
Patton walks over to Virgil and smiles, “Can I fuss?”
Virgil rolls his eyes, “Okay, dad.”
Patton reaches up and starts straightening Virgil’s purple skinny tie. It matches his favorite purple Converse which he had insisting on wearing. Patton flattens it and tucks it into the black vest, adjusting the collar of the white button down to let it cooperate. “There. Much better. Where’s your jacket?”
Virgil pushes the cuffs up his arm to his elbow, having rolled them up while setting up, nodding to the black jacket that matches his pants on the chair just inside the door, “Inside. It's too hot out here for it.”
“Fair enough,” Patton nods. He’s wearing a light blue suit that really makes his eyes pop. Virgil can’t help but smile and return the favor of fixing his tie, a darker almost navy blue. Not many people could pull off the light blue, but it just makes sense for Patton, Virgil thinks.
“Hello?” Logan’s voice comes accompanied by the click of the gate opening. Logan and Roman walk into the yard, their eyes large as they take in the scene. Virigl’s breath catches as he takes Roman in. Roman has a dark maroon suit on with a white button up and a gold tie. It was the perfect outfit for Roman, demanding attention but for all of the right reasons. Virgil can’t help but notice that while Roman seemed put together, he was lacking in usual spark. Something wasn’t quite right about him, something in his eyes. Roman’s eyes find Virgil’s, and Virgil is suddenly very aware of his ears burning.
He breaks Roman’s gaze and looks over at Logan, and a smirk forms. Of course he and Patton would end up in complementary looks. Where Patton was in a lighter blue suit with a dark blue tie, Logan was in the opposite with a dark suit and lighter tie.
“Oh, you’re here!” squeals Patton as he runs over to greet them, Virgil following behind him.
“What is all of this?” asks Roman, his eyes sparkling. “Mom wouldn’t tell me anything, just pushed me into this and then into the car to pick up Logan.”
“It was all Virgil’s idea.” Patton beams as he takes Logan and Roman by the hand, pulling them further in so they can see the whole space. “If you can’t go to prom, we would bring prom to you. Or, as much as we can, anyway.”
Virgil looks at his shoes, feeling his face turn warm. “Patton came up with most of the plan, really. I just had a few suggestions.”
“You two--” Roman swings an arm around Virgil and the other around Patton, wrapping them in a hug-- “are the absolute sweetest. You didn’t have to do all of this.”
Patton returns the hug. “Of course we did. You two deserve this.”
Logan joins the group, taking Patton’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “It is very thoughtful of you. Both of you,” he adds, catching Virgil’s eye with a smile.
The song changes to Footloose, making Roman jump in recognition. “Oh my gosh I loved this show!”
Virgil smirks at the memories behind the spotlight for tech crew. It was their sophomore year, over the summer. “I made sure it got on the playlist.”
Roman starts pulling away from the group, keeping Patton’s hand. “Come on, Pat. You have to remember this dance!”
“Of course I do,” Patton giggles as he and Roman break into the show’s choreography.
Virgil smiles, watching them dance. He feels his chest settle a little at the light in Roman sparking. Virgil had been worried this week, noticing the dark circles under Roman’s eyes increasing with each night. He hadn’t been himself. Something was eating away at his Prince, but Roman kept pushing him away, denying the issue.
“Logan?” Virgil finally asks.
“Hm?”
“Can… can you tell me what happened.. Yet?” He hates asking again. But the worry is always present.
Logan sighs, turning his attention from Patton and Roman, making eye contact with Virgil. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“I… I just want to know how to help,” holding the contact.
Logan looks back at the two dancing. “He was just trying to protect you, Virgil.”
“Protect me?” Virgil asks, almost offended. “From what?”
“Your cousin, JD.”
“I can handle JD,” insists Virgil. “Why would Roman get involved?”
“He wanted Roman to help Remus’ campaign for prom court.”
Virgil’s eyes widen at the absurdity of the idea. Remus Duke was a fellow senior classmate who was chaotic and dangerous. The guy has tried to set fire to theater sets when he wasn’t cast in shows, harrasses students, and has caused chaos at numerous football games.
“Why?”
Logan adjusts his glasses. “I don’t have to tell you how popular Prince is with his classmates. His decision to not run, while I fully support it, meant that students were lost with where to go. Roman throwing support may turn the tide, much like when presidential nominees may be supported by their enemies after they drop out.”
“Right.” Virgil’s brow furrows as he tries to think through his cousin’s actions, “So JD asked for support, Roman said no, probably because Remus is a hazard to society.”
Logan rolls his eyes. “Yes.”
“So where does the fight come in?”
“JD made a threat to try and force Roman’s hand,” Logan slowly explains, fidgeting with his tie. Virgil knows Logan well enough to pick up on the nervous habit. “JD took it two steps too far and Roman went after him.”
“What threat?” Virgil demands, clenching a fist at his side. How dare his cousin threaten Roman.
There’s a heavy, weighted pause, before Logan answers softly, “He threatened to out you, Virgil.”
Everything stops for Virgil. It isn’t like he had never thought about coming out fully. At school he is kind of out. It isn’t like he hid his relationship with Roman to the theater kids. Most other kids pay no attention to him anyway and couldn’t believe the Roman Prince would be with someone so opposite of himself.
But at home? At home he wasn’t out. He couldn’t be. Not without significant risk of repercussion. He always thought he and JD understood one another though. They were never friends, Virgil would say. But JD seemed to not mind giving Virgil his space at school. Virgil had never thought about JD being a risk for Virgil, especially in such an underhanded way. Would JD manipulate Virgil if it meant getting what he wanted, yes. But this? Threatening to out him? JD couldn’t be that underhanded, could he? It must have been a bluff.
“Obviously Roman wouldn’t let your safety be at risk,” Logan continued, pulling Virgil back to Earth. “So when JD pulled out his phone, Roman went after it.”
“If JD pulled out the phone…” Virgil’s certainty of the bluff crashes to zero. He feels his temper rising. “Shit. Why?”
“I assure you, I don’t know,” Logan admits. “It seems oddly ‘Aaron Burr’ for your cousin.”
Virgil’s mind spins with anger. “Why didn’t he just tell someone? If he was bated into it, wouldn’t the school go easier on Roman?”
Logan shakes his head. “Roman’s only goal through this has been to protect you. He wouldn’t tell them what JD did, because to do so would out you anyway, allowing JD to win to an extent.”
Virgil swallows, his eyes stinging a little in frustration. He takes a few deep breaths, calming himself a little. This is why Roman wouldn’t tell him what happened: he was worried Virgil would get upset. Virgil could handle this.
Logan places a hand gently, reassuringly on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil looks at him. Logan smiles a little. “It's okay, Virgil. What's done is done.”
Virgil nods, feeling a little better with the reassurance from Logan. Logan was one of Virgil’s favorite people. He could count on Logan to be there to tell him the truth when he needed it, but he also didn’t sugar coat it. Logan was a good friend to have by your side in a hard time. Virgil smiles a little as he finally realizes, “You tried to pull Roman off of him, didn’t you?”
“After Roman got in a few good punches, yes.” Logan smirks, something flashing in his eyes too fast for Virgil to identify. “I had to try to stop Roman or he might have seriously injured your cousin. But the school has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to fights.”
“I’m sorry you got roped into it.”
“I’m not.”
The song ends, leading to Patton and Roman collapsing in giggles on the dance floor. Virgil takes a deep breath, noticing the tension releasing with the knowledge of what happened. Of knowing that Roman would be ok.
“Thank you, Logan. For telling me. And for having his back.”
“Any time,” nods Logan. “Come on, let’s get our stage kids off the floor before they ruin their outfits.”
“Hello!” a familiar voice shouts, causing the four boys to turn towards the gate.
“Leo! Terrance! You guys made it!” Patton squeals in excitement at the sight of their friends. He helps Roman to his feet before running to greet the newcomers. Behind them, Virgil can see lots of other theater kids walking up the path all dressed for prom, although slightly disheveled.
“Where are they?” Adri calls. “Ah, our favorite delinquents!”
“Logan and Roman! Long time no see!” Camden says, making a show of looking around.
“What’s going on?” asks Roman, his face lighting up as he sees his friends pouring in.
“We told you,” Virgil says, walking up next to him. “Since you guys couldn’t go to prom, we brought prom to you.”
Roman looks at Virgil, opening and closing his mouth with nothing coming out. Virgil smirks at that and continues, “Obviously we didn’t want to ask them to skip prom entirely. We’re hosting the after party.”
“And we left as soon as we could,” Valerie says, walking past them. “Wouldn’t be prom without you, Prince.”
“You guys,” Roman squeals in excitement. Virgil can’t help but feel the excitement too. Roman finally looks like himself again: the familiar glow, the magnetic force, the dazzling smile. He stands tall again, looking perfect in his suit.
Virgil nudges Roman with his shoulder. “Go socialize. You haven’t seen these guys all week.”
“But I haven’t spent any time with you,” Roman says softly.
Virgil laughs. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Roman!” Kenny shouts, waving him over. “Get over here, I want a pic.”
Roman looks once again at Virgil, who smiles in reassurance, before running to the group. Virgil stays towards the gate, watching as the yard becomes more and more populated. He laughs a little when he notices a couple of freshmen from the theater in the mix. Seems as if everyone wanted to be a part of the celebration.
Virgil watches as Roman walks around, taking time to greet every person. Politicians wish they could be as popular as Roman, Virgil thinks. Always with the best intentions, making everyone feel special in their own way. It was no wonder Remus wanted Roman on his side for the election.
Virgil fidgets at the thought of the cause of the fight. He didn’t need Roman to protect him. He had dealt with his cousin long before Roman was a part of his life. JD wasn’t a bad guy, he just determined. He even had probably been calling Roman’s bluff with the phone… probably. When JD was determined there was nothing he wouldn’t do to get his way. Virgil solved this generally by staying out of the way. JD only became an issue if you were in the way. And apparently Roman had opted to get in the way, drawing a target on his head.
“Is this thing on?” Patton asks, tapping a mic that he had hooked into the speakers. “Oh great. Can I have everyone’s attention, please?”
All of the teens settled down, pooling on the dance floor. Virgil is amazed to see how many people were there, at least two hundred. Theater kids, band kids, choir kids and a few other students all mixed together. It shouldn’t have surprised him. Virgil knew there was lots of overlap in these musically inclined groups. But to see them all in one place with their dates is impressive.
“Okay, great,” Patton chirps. “I just wanted to take a moment, on the behalf of myself and Virgil, to thank you all for coming to this little get together to celebrate Logan and Roman.”
There’s a cheer from the crowd which causes Virgil’s heart to swell. It is nice to see the group support their boys.
Patton passes the mic to Joan. They wave at the crowd to try and hush the sound that grew when they took the stage, “Alright, alright. You gotta let me tell them.”
After a moment the crowd quiets, although there is an almost electric current running under the surface, much like the one before a curtain is pulled for opening night. “Thank you,” Joan nods as they turn towards Roman and Logan, who have been pushed to the front of the crowd. “Logan and Roman, we the students would like to thank you for your service as part of our community this past year. Logan, for your awesome tech skills as well as study help. Roman, for always being a source of entertainment for us.”
Cheers erupt again. Thomas walks up and mutters something to Joan, who laughs, before taking the mic.
There are a few whoops before Thomas dramatically starts, “Story Time! The Prince decides not to run for King. The people are disappointed. They start talking. Then the Prince is removed from the kingdom, with his faithful Paladin, causing anger in the land.” Virgil snickers at the reference of Logan being a Paladin. The group had played a round of Dungeons and Dragons once that was centered around Roman’s last name. Clearly Thomas was borrowing the concept yet again.
“But the people are smart,” Thomas continues. “They hatch a plan, unknown to the Prince’s healer and knight, to get the Prince his throne.”
Now this was news to Virgil. He took a few steps towards the group, now curious where this was all headed.
“Ladies and gentlemen, as most of you are aware, tonight we crowned a Prom King. We all agreed to vote for our candidate that would pass the crown on to the rightful ruler,” Thomas explains as someone in the crowd hands him a golden crown. “It is my pleasure to pass the title on to its rightful holder. Prince, I believe this is yours.”
Virgil fills with a mixture of shock, pride, and relief as he watches the crowd explode into cheers. While he stood by Roman’s choice not to run, he is so relieved to see Roman graciously accept the role from his friends. It just made sense.
Patton appears out of nowhere and takes Virgil’s hand, leading him through the crowd that seems to part for them. Virgil doesn’t even have time to process what is happening before he realizes his hand is now held by Roman, the golden crown on his head.
“May I have this dance,” Roman asks, bowing deeply, a twinkle in his eye that catches Virgil’s attention. Virgil nods and allows Roman to pull him in as a soft song starts playing. Oh right, Prom King normally dances with his date for a song, don’t they?
Roman smiles at him as they start swaying together. “There’s my Knight. Finally a moment together.”
Virgil can’t help but notice the people around them, the space they are occupying, the eyes following them. “How do you do this on a stage?” Virgil asks quietly. “Dance with everyone watching?”
“Oh easy,” Roman answers, flawlessly twisting the two of them around the floor. “You forget they exist. Merely part of the background. In my world, it's just us. I can’t even see Logan wrapping his arm around Patton’s waist right now, what are you talking about?”
Virgil chuckles as Roman expertly maneuvers Virgil so he can see what Roman is talking about. Sure enough, Logan is standing behind Patton, his arms wrapped around Patton’s waist as they watch, swaying slightly in place while Patton closes his eyes. It was a sweet moment between the two. If only it could have happened at the actual prom.
“Roman?” Virgil asks after a moment.
“Yes?” he answers, pulling away just far enough to see Virgil’s face.
Virgil meets his gaze. “You know you don’t have to protect me, right?”
Roman’s eyes give him away. “What are you talking about?”
“Logan told me what happened,” Virgil admits softly.
Roman pulls him closer so that Virgil can’t see his face, spinning slowly.
“I can handle myself, is all I’m saying,” Virgil tries again after a moment.
“Of course,” Roman nods before pulling back again, his brow pulled together. “I know that. I never meant to insinuate that you couldn’t. I just… hang on.”
The song ends as the crowd applauds before the next song kicks on. Its something upbeat, but Virgil isn’t paying attention. He’s too busy trying to read Roman’s expression as the Prom King pulls him from the middle of the crowd to a darker corner of the yard. Roman doesn’t drop his hand or his gaze, as if trying to hold the moment while getting out of a public setting. Once out of the way, Roman looks at their hands still together.
“Virgil, you know when you asked me to prom you had that whole pledge of fealty as part of it?”
“Right,” Virgil nods.
“Well,” Roman explains, his brow pulled together in thought. “It’s part of feudalism from the middle ages, right? I remember you said Logan helped you with it. He must’ve explained it. Anyway, a person swore to a lord that they would do them no harm, that they would be honorable and keep them safe and everything you wrote for me back then.”
“I remember.” Virgil smiles softly. “I still stand by that.”
“I know.” Roman returns the smile. “But there’s part of it that people seem to forget. The people would do this for their lord, but it wasn’t a one way street. The lord was bound by the same principles in return.”
“Okay,” responds Virgil slowly.
“All I did was uphold my end of the promise. And I would do it again,” says Roman, pushing Virgil’s bangs out of his eyes.
Virgil leans into the touch, “I… I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
“I think you’ll find I can handle myself too,” Roman smiles.
Virgil rolls his eyes and reaches up to straighten Roman’s crown, “Okay. Fair enough.”
Virgil isn’t sure which of them pulls the other, but he finds himself kissing his Prince. Softly, melting into one another. Roman wraps an arm around Virgil and pulls him gently into it, deepening the moment just a little. Virgil embraces it for a moment before he pulls back, smiling.
“Come on,” Virgil whispers, breathless for a moment, pressing his forehead against Roman’s. “As much as I want to keep you to myself, you do have an adoring public that is waiting for you to lead them in some kind of line dance, I am sure.”
“Only if you come with me,” Roman answers, his smile radiating its normal light once again.
“Uh, I don’t dance,” Virgil scoffs.
“Just one, please? It's our senior prom,” Roman pleads, making puppy dog eyes. “What about the Cha-cha slide?”
“Only if you can convince Logan to do it too,” Virgil answers.
“Challenge accepted. He’ll hear his King out, I am sure,” Roman agrees, taking Virgil’s hand. “Are you coming with me?”
“Always.
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Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends
2.9k words | AO3 Link | warnings: hurt/comfort, alcohol, drink spiking (nothing bad, Remus wants to spike the punch at Prom), implied/referenced underage drinking, crying, self hatred, self-esteem issues, mentions of surgery.
Roman went to his senior prom by himself, depressed and lonely. Janus shows up and Roman is certainly is not going to leave alone.
(Roman wants people to love him, Janus comforts him and helps him realize there is only one person who he needs love from)
***
Roman tugged off his bowtie, hastily shoving it in his pocket and collapsed on the pavement next to his car, hitting his head against the metal as he fought back hot tears, still very aware that he was in public. He felt stupid, so incredibly stupid. Roman should have known that going to prom was a bad idea. Well, more like, going to Prom alone was a bad idea.
Roman went as a 7th wheel with a group of theater kids he didn’t know too well, it becoming increasingly more obvious that they wanted him there mainly to take pictures (partially out of pity too, he’s sure). He felt happy for his friends during pictures, he was okay with paying for himself for dinner, he had to get his own punch and cake but that’s okay, but when the slow songs started playing and people paired off, Roman just couldn’t do it. Watching idly by as the music slowed and the couples looked at each other with love in their eyes… God it sucks.
Clicking open his phone, wincing slightly at the bright screen, Roman estimated he had at least 15 minutes before he was found out and a member of his Prom group would attempt to come find him outside- outside alone.
He was a pretty good actor, he would simply act like nothing was wrong, and just went out to his car to put his suit jacket in the backseat because it was getting hot. Despite the venue in question being freezing, it is not as though anyone would question him. Why would they care? Roman came to Prom alone, and he expects anyone to care about his well being? This is supposed to be the best and most romantic night of his high school career. Roman should be happy for his friends that they are happy!... And yet, here he was.
The red jacket was tugged off and haphazardly thrown in the back seat of his car. He rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt, Roman was getting a bit warm in the spring weather. He sighed deeply, stretching his back and shoulders when he felt it: He touched his chest and saw 2 small black buttons had popped off of his shirt. Now, even if he wanted to put on his tie again, he couldn’t, and he didn’t have a sewing kit to put the buttons back on.
Roman looked on the ground near his shoe and saw the offending piece of plastic, picking it up with shaky hands. He looked at the object, ghosts of strings around the 4 holes and he felt the dam break.
Clutching the button so hard it hurt, he threw it across the parking lot, before collapsing on the trunk of his car, sobbing to himself. The warm metal felt nice against his bare forearms, though it was something he barely noticed, the tightness in his chest and throat being the only sensations he could focus on at the moment.
Roman’s headache from the dehydration and the string of evil thoughts only grew plaguing his mind. Horrible thoughts swirled his consciousness, whispers to himself about how he would never find love and everyone around him was simply pretending to like him. He would never be good enough for anyone. Not a romantic partner, not his family, not his friends, and certainly not himself.
After a good, long few minutes, the tears and sobs began to peter out. Though the corners of his eyes still felt moisture, no actual tears would fall. He stood up straight, rubbing his eyes and taking a couple calming breaths, hoping to turn his erratic breath back to normal.
Roman felt himself calm down, that was until a voice appeared behind him.
“I am guessing this is yours?” Roman nearly jumped out of his own skin, yelping, when he realised that there was someone standing behind him.
The older man was standing there, definitely not dressed for Senior Prom, holding a small black object between his fingers. Janus smiled and tossed the button over to an unprepared Roman, who barely caught the offending piece of plastic.
“H-how long have you been standing there?” Roman swallowed thickly.
Janus’s face shifted into something Roman could not decipher, his gaze shifting away, “What answer do you want me to give you?”
Roman inhaled deeply, biting his lip and feeling that tightness in his throat again, but refused to give in this time. “What are you doing here?” Opting to switch topics entirely rather than answer.
Janus sighed, reaching for the bag that was casually slung over his shoulder, “Your brother texted me, saying he wanted me to bring vodka,”
Roman frowned, “Remus? Remus told me he didn’t want to come,”
“That is what he told me he told you as well, yes, but in the last hour or so he changed his mind. He said he only wanted to go so he could spike the punch,” He lifted the alcohol so Roman could barely see it, “I was happy to take him up on that. I also brought some bubbly for myself,” Janus peeked out another bottle, this one a corked one of champagne.
Rolling his eyes, Roman gave Janus a pointed look, “Why exactly are you indulging Remus’ ideas?”
Janus shrugged, “It happened at my Prom,”
“By you?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
Janus smirked, chuckling slightly “I told my whole class that if they nominated me for Prom King that I would spike the punch. Guess who won and got wasted on Prom night?”
Roman shook his head, smiling slightly, “I am sure the transphobes loved that,”
Janus bit his lip, stifling a laugh that a part of Roman longed to hear, “Standing up on stage as the Prom King is almost on the same level as my top surgery in terms of absolute gender euphoria,”
Roman nodded, his mouth smiling but his chest and head still ached, the corner of his eyes still burning, “Well, you should go meet Remus, I am sure he is most likely waiting for you by now,”
Janus’ expression shifted from playful to concern and Roman cursed internally, “Roman, you are a fool if you believe I am just going to leave you out here alone,” Janus strode up to him and leaned against the car with him, arms and shoulders pressed up against one another, “You thinking I am going to simply ignore the fact that you were in hysterics not two minutes ago, makes me worry that you think I am an actual villain,”
Roman didn’t say anything, he just looked down at his shoes, then glancing again at his shirt with the two buttons missing. He pulled at the strings left behind, littering them onto the pavement.
“Look, you do not have to talk about it. But, I do believe it would be beneficial to air out your problems,” Janus spoke cooly, looking up at the stars in the night sky. Roman looked at him from the corner of his eyes. His eyes trailed over his black curls, passing his eyebrow scar, and down to his long legs, one kicked up against the car, “Again, say something or don’t, but this is the last time I am going to bring it up,”
Roman knew that if he simply said ‘Janus, I do not want to talk about this’, then the older man would drop it in an instant. However, he somehow couldn’t bring himself to lie in front of him, because he wanted nothing more than to spill his heart out to him. He never had anymore who seemed to care before. There was Remus, of course, but Roman always felt as though he had to protect his twin from himself, so he was the sounding board- he was the listener. Roman couldn’t have his own problems with Remus was already dealing with so much. Roman doesn’t have any friends he trusts to listen to his insecurities, even if he did, why would they care? He’s a bit lonely and doesn’t like the way he looks, so what? In the grand scheme of things, that doesn’t matter. When it comes to Roman, nothing matters.
“Okay, so you don’t want to talk, that’s fine, but-”
“I don’t think I am good enough,” Roman interrupted.
When Janus realised there was no follow up, he nodded, “Good enough at what?”
Roman chuckled weakly, “Where to start? I am not that good of a student, there are far superior singers than I, I don’t have the picture perfect blue eyed blonde hair appearance that everyone so classically loves, I do not exactly have any skills that no one can do better, and I also am loud and eccentric and awful. That is never going to change. No matter what I do, or who I pretend to be, everyone is always going to hate me and they are absolutely right to,”
Roman sniffled, and Janus noticed the way his voice got more choked up as he continued his tirade. There was only silence for a while, before Janus sighed, finally looking over at him. Roman made eye contact, feeling slightly dizzy and nervous looking into Janus’ deep brown eyes.
Janus looked down, a redness that was only noticeable thanks to the street lights covered his cheeks. He stayed silent for a few moments before speaking, “I am not going to stand here and tell you all the things that I like about you, and why everything you just said is untrue. I am sure that you would just think I am lying to you anyway,” Roman winced at the words and looked down, the rhythms of his breathing starting to eradicate, “Hey, stay with me,” Janus pleaded, grabbing Roman wrist, and he looked up again, “I am not going to pretend to know what everyone thinks of you. I am sure there are plenty of people who do hate, more than you think,”
Roman frowned, “Uh, than-”
“Do please continue to interrupt me Roman, I will definitely reach my point faster that way,” Janus shook his head, and continued, “I am sure there are plenty of people who dislike you. There are plenty of people who dislike me too. I have hurt and lied and manipulated people. I am better now, but it doesn’t change the fact that those people will never like me. Knowing that, let me ask you this: does having many people hate me make me any less worthy of the life I am living?”
Roman swallowed, “Well, no-”
“Does me making mistakes in my past negate any progress I make in the future?”
“No,”
“Do I deserve to die, or experience pain because there are people who exist that dislike me?”
“Obviously not, Janus, what-”
Janus cut him off once again, “So, tell me Roman, why are you the exception? What exactly makes you so special that you think you are the only one who deserves the pain they are getting because, what, idiots in your Tech Theater class don’t like you?”
Roman sighed, removing Janus’ grip of his wrist and running a hand through his hair, “I don’t think I deserve to get hurt or die because of that, it’s not that bad, I just…” Roman growled, frustrated, and hit the door of his car with the palm of his hand, “I have nothing to offer anyone!” He shouted, heartbroken, “Nothing to give. Anything I can do, I can think of 5 other people who could do it better. It’s not that I don’t deserve to live, it is just that I am unneeded and unwanted,”
Clawing at his face, Roman felt the tears creep up again and wanted to shout and wanted to run away. He was so angry at himself and at his friends at and stupid kind and beautiful Janus.
Roman turned away, still fighting off the tears, but Janus harshly grabbed his shoulder, turning him around, before using the collar of his shirt to pull him into a firm, comforting hug. Roman opened his mouth to speak, but Janus beat him to it, “I’m sorry. You don’t have to hide. I am here for you. I will stay out here as long as I have to. I am here for you,” He threaded his fingers through Roman’s hair, “I promise,”
Roman’s will broke as he gripped the back of Janus’ flannel, sobbing into his shoulder once again, holding onto Janus so tightly he was afraid he would break the other man. Janus said nothing, simply letting Roman cry, rubbing his thumb on his back with one hand and running his hands through the locks of the younger’s hair with the other.
“I apologise if what I said made things worse, that was not my intention in any way,” Janus said, guilt present in his voice.
Roman shook his head sniffling, his voice hoarse and broken, “I know, don’t apologise. What you said was right. I just wish I had a little more, y’know, worth to people,”
There was a beat, and Janus spoke up after a while, “Can I ask you something, Roman?”
The sobs had become less frequent, being replaced with silent tears and sniffles, “Okay,” He responded.
Janus pulled back from their embrace, but still holding onto Roman, arms around his waist, “Why do you feel the need to judge your self worth based upon your output to others?”
Frowning, Roman looked at Janus, “You sound like school, I don’t understand what you are saying,”
“You seem to judge yourself based upon what you can do for other people,” Janus said, stepping closer to Roman. Roman arms went around Janus’ shoulders, their chests almost flushed against one another, “You keep saying that ‘people can do things better than me’ and ‘no one needs me’ and that you’re unattractive, all untrue statements, for the record, what about the things you do for yourself?”
Roman swayed slightly, Janus following his movements, “I do not do anything for myself, I do not like myself enough to do so,”
Janus chuckled, now moving his feet to lead the two around, ever so slightly, “Oh? Well, I certainly believe you,”
“I don’t,”
Janus gave Roman a pointed look, “You don’t dress yourself the way you do for yourself? You don’t style your hair or use the nice smelling shampoo or body wash for yourself? The music that you listen to while you exercise or in the car alone, who is that for other than you?” Roman stayed silent, letting Janus lead him in their dance and conversation, “You eat the food you want for yourself. You watch the movies and shows you want for yourself. You picked a red suit for Prom because red is your favorite color, you did it all for you. You live so much of your life simply for you, so why do you believe that you need to perform for others to have self worth?”
Roman parted his lips slightly, looking at Janus. Janus let go of his waist, and then grabbed Roman’s hand to twirl him around, pulling him closer into his arms after the fact. The other man looked into Roman’s honey brown eyes, feeling very exposed, but also never more cared for, “You are going to spend your whole life with one person: yourself. In the end, it matters less what you can do for others, and more about what you should do for yourself. Roman, you need to fall in love with who you are, because there is so much about you to love,” Janus gently cupped his cheek, and Roman felt as though he could barely breathe.
A few minutes of silence went by, Roman resting his head on Janus’ shoulder as they slow danced in the parking lot. No people around to impress. No music to follow the beat. This is just for them. Janus spoke up after a while. “How are you feeling?”
Biting his lip, Roman sighed, and he couldn’t fight the small smile that was on his face, “You, uh, you’re really good at this Janus,”
Janus smiled softly, “It is unfortunately from experience, but I am getting better,” The older man took one of Roman’s hands and kissed his knuckles. Using that same hand, Janus pulled Roman in and softly kissed him on the cheek, the other almost melting under his touch.
“What do you say, my prince? Shall we go inside? Perhaps have a proper dance?” Janus smirked, but not letting go Roman hand.
“Are you even allowed inside? You graduated,”
Janus shrugged, “Probably not, I am also most likely not supposed to give your brother vodka so he can spike the punch, so,”
Roman couldn’t fight the smile and playful giggles that were now escaping his lips, “Self love is illegally sneaking in the former Prom King to your dance and spiking the punch for your awful classmate,”
Janus kissed Roman’s cheek once more, “Now you are getting it, my prince,”
The two walked hand and hand to meet up with Remus outside, his twin (also not dressed for Prom) wiggled his eyebrows and smirked, to which Roman put him in a headlock and tickled him till he couldn’t breathe.
Roman distracted the supervisor as they snuck in the alcohol and spiked the punch, giggling and laughing the whole time. He didn’t look for the group he came with, they didn’t seem too concerned about his whereabouts anyway. That’s fine, he liked hanging out with Remus and Janus better anyway, comforted with the knowledge that they love him for him. And when his favorite song played while the two were in the bathroom, well, he danced wildly in the middle of the stage by himself, not needing to impress anyone, and having fun on that night for no one else but himself.
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